Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-27-22

Episode Date: January 28, 2022

Bill rambles about horses in pharmacies, Meatloaf - my dude, and Louie Anderson. Mizzen + Main: Right now if you go to MizzenAndMain.com and use promo code BURR, you’ll receive $35 off any regular price order of $125 or more.  Policy Genius: Head to www.PolicyGenius.com to get your free home & auto insurance quotes and see how much you could save. SimpliSafe: Take 20% off your SimpliSafe System AND your first month is free when you sign up for the interactive monitoring service.  www.Simplisafe.com/BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. I'm just checking in to see how your week is going. How's it going with you? What do you say? What do you do?

I'm having a good week. The old COVID fucking bug fucking finally got me. Ah, Jesus, the mast up, they finally took you down. Yeah, somebody, some kid at school got it, gave it to kids and my kid brought it home. I mean, what was I supposed to? Am I supposed to fucking walk around my house, you know, walking in a hazmat suit? And I got to tell you, you know, I feel, I feel great. This, this Omicron, I guess, isn't that bad.

Thank God I didn't get the other shit. The other shit where people like fucking face down with swords on their faces or whatever the fuck was going on. So I'm sitting there going like, all right, so I guess what they're saying is a vaccine is working on some level because I'm not really sick. I got a little scratchiness. That's it. It's not really a vaccine as much as it's like a shot.

It's like the flu shot, right? That's another thing too is then I started looking up all of this stuff because I haven't paid attention to anything. I was just like on the news. He was like, wear a mask, stay six feet away from people. And I was like, perfect. I've been doing that my whole life minus the mask. I don't like people quarantining, got it.

I am the man for that job. So I almost went two fucking years, I had a nice run. Um, yeah. So I got to give a shout out to doctors because I think it's not as bad because I know some people got it. They're all fucked up. And I feel great. I mean, I'm still smoking some guys and playing drums to be honest with you.

And now I have an excuse to not fucking go to work. This reminds me when I got hit by a car when I was a kid. I remember it happened on a Wednesday and the doctor goes, yeah, you shouldn't go to school for the rest of the week. And it was so fucking awesome because I didn't, I had a four day weekend and I didn't have to fucking, uh, I didn't have to fake sick. It was great. I told you that story before.

The only thing that sucked was the car hit me right on the side of my head. Surprise, surprise. Oh, dumb, dumb, Billy. Um, if you put your, your fingers on this, on the side of your head and bite down on your, uh, your lower back teeth, you feel that thing going in and out, feel that whatever the fuck that is. That was the only thing cause I got hit right there and it hurt to eat. So I remember I was eating raisin bran with a really little spoon.

Other than that, I was hanging out. I was watching the prices, right? So anyway, um, all my unvaxed friends are going, dude, go take the eye of a Mectin. So I looked this shit up and you know, it's fucking hilarious on the, uh, what the fuck is it? What the fuck are they, CAA, what's the name of the people that FDC, FCC, the FDA or whatever. When you look up Ivor Mectin, they have a picture of a woman in scrubs walking a horse cause they keep saying that it's for horses.

And then I just looked up, where can you buy it? And it says CVS and Walgreens. I mean, what the, I mean, there was just so much fucking misinformation out there. I just, I don't, I'm not going to pay attention. You know, I can't remember ever going into a CVS and seeing a horse, he fucking walking up and down the aisle. You know what he, Ivor Mectin is, um, but anyway, aside from the scratchy throat and the occasional cough, I feel fucking fine.

Everybody's doing fine. So, uh, it is what it is. I guess, uh, one of those, I don't want to start saying the people's names in this story. You know, Fauci. I guess they were saying that everyone was going to get the Omicron, so, um, whatever. I fought a brave battle, man. I fought a brave fucking battle. Um, so here I sit, um, but now I don't know who to believe about, I still think what I

did was right. I think what everybody's doing is right. Who gives a shit? I think we're all going to fucking meet in the middle and this thing will gradually die out. Right? Isn't that what's going to happen? I don't know.

I will tell you, when this whole thing goes away, I will miss the mask. That's literally how fucking antisocial I am. I love it. You put a hat on sunglasses and a fucking mask, I mean, you're ready to go rob a bank. I'm surprised more banks haven't been fucking robbed. Isn't that amazing? I mean, I'm going to put an idea in somebody's head, but you can literally walk into a bank dressed like a bank robber and they just think you're being responsible.

And then all you got to do is you just slide the note. I love how you can rob a bank with a note and just, hey man, give me the money or you're not going to like what I do next. I would love to write back. Well, would you like to give me an example? Can you brandish a weapon or something? What do you got, halitosis? What am I dealing with here on the other side of this bulletproof glass?

It'd be funny, you know, if you just, if you were like, if you had like a gambling problem, you worked at a bank, like that Philip Seymour Hoffman movie that I could not get through. I still have to finish that movie. It was so gut wrenching to watch this guy fucking his life up. If you, if you, if you would like, like a gambler, right, if you're a gambler and you fucking, you're working the bank, right? You're a teller. Jesus Christ, Bill.

You're a bank teller, right? And the guy comes up and he passes the letter, you know, hey, give me all the money or, you know, something bad's going to happen. You kind of look at him, you know, like World Series of Poker. Like here comes the river, right? You decide to call his bluff, you know, and you just write back and you just say, mother, fucker, what I got on the other side of this glass is going to kill you and your whole fucking family.

Just, I don't know. Some sort of gangster shit. You slide it back. Oh, so, so why don't your best motherfucker, your best move right now is to take this piece of paper and walk out of this fucking bank and go panhandle for a sandwich. Cause if you don't, you're going to spend the rest of your life trying not to take a dick in the ass, believe that, sincerely tell her number seven, six, four and just slide it back.

Or maybe just once, give me all the money, just wrote back, fuck you. Slid it back to him and just stared at him. What if they had suicidal people as tellers, like the amount of money that banks could fucking could save? You know what I mean? Cause they would just be like, I don't give a fuck to you, whatever you want. Oh no, you're supposed to be all afraid and then give me the money and then I, it's like buddy, listen, I know you're not armed because armed robbery, if you get caught is a much

stiffer sentence coming here like a fucking pen pal. Hey, is there any like Bitcoin banks? Can you go and rob those? Let me see. Let's get that up. Let's add to the ignorance of my fucking search. My internet search is here. By the way, I already talked about this on the anything better podcast cause when I was

doing the Monday morning podcast, that chief's bills game was still going. Was that, that was the most atrocious defense I have seen. It was an unbelievable excitement watching the offense. But afterwards I was thinking like, like that was fucking horrible. I wonder what Ray Lewis thought if he was watching that game with Jack Lambert, they probably think like, what the fuck has happened to this game? These two teams are playing to go to the AFC championship game. This is what the fuck it is.

You know what the precursor to that that the foreshadowed, you know, all these fucking rule changes and shit. Cause I think the NFL is trying to keep up with the NBA because all they do is shoot three pointers was the, the, the Patriots Eagles Super Bowl. Well, the Eagles won the Super Bowl while letting up five over 500 yards passing. You let up over 500 yards passing. Yeah, we didn't even notice that. Didn't even hurt us.

Unreal. All right, Bitcoin bank robbed robbery. The great Bitcoin bank robbery. Oh, hacking Bitcoin. Oh God. It's going to get me on some sort of watch list here. Oh, look, it's got a B on it for Bitcoin. What is it made out of?

By the way, is that any sort of precious metal or is it just supposed to look like gold? I love this whole fucking Bitcoin. Hey, our Ponzi scheme is better than the Ponzi scheme that you're currently in. Uh, Sean Everett wasn't sure how his bullish bet on cryptocurrency would turn out, but he definitely didn't expect it to be over so soon. In March, he sold all his stocks, including Apple and Amazon and used a chunk of the proceeds to buy Bitcoin and Ethereum on a site called Coinbase. The decision made Everett, the CEO of artificial intelligence startup, Prome, almost instantly

richer as the blockbuster chain. Jesus Christ. This is why I'm not into money. What happened? I'm not reading all this. Jesus Christ. You know, someday when I get old, I'm going to write a fucking history book after I talk to people when they tell me what happened and I'm just going to write what happened.

The American Revolution, the British were cunts and then they lost. That's what happened. If you really want to get into the minutiae, read another fucking book or minutiae, however you say it. So anyway, I went on a flight a few weeks ago, man, that I cannot stop fucking thinking about. I'm really, really starting, you know, people who's kidding who, all right. Now that Meatloaf died, I am one of the older entertainers out there. Okay.

You know, God bless Meatloaf. Rest in peace. Absolute fucking beast of a performer. Absolute fucking beast of a performer. And what I love about that guy was that guy was not supposed to make it on any, there's no fucking way. The music industry was not looking for that dude ever. They're still not looking for that dude, but despite that, that fucking dude came out, did

his thing and sold tens of millions of fucking albums. And I never saw him in concert and everybody said, you know, I can't believe he never died during one of his concerts. How hard that guy went. Like Tom Jones shit, just fucking drip and sweat, right? So anyway, you know, you know the internet, somebody dies, somebody has to make a joke. Somebody wrote the funniest fucking joke. This dude said, he said he went on Meatloaf's Wikipedia page and he said that the guy said,

one of the hardest things for me in life has been trying to get respect in the music business. And this person on Twitter wrote, yo, he goes, you called yourself Meatloaf, my dude. Rest in peace, you crazy bastard. I mean, that's like one of the fucking, that's one of my favorite things in life. You know, when you're sitting there complaining or feeling sorry for yourself and then just somebody comes with the answer. And it's so true.

It's just funny. And all you have to do is just, you can just laugh. You know, Jimmy Dore did that to me one time, one time I was talking to him. There was some chick in my acting classes. Check, I was just fucking, you know, fell head over heels in love with her. And I was such a walled off psycho, you know, I've just fucking loved it. The second I saw her, right? And, uh, whatever, years later, I'm talking to Jimmy Dore, right?

And, uh, I was single at the time and everything. He was single or whatever. And we were just talking about women. And he's like, yeah, I have a woman break your heart. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I was talking about this chick. And he goes, oh, yeah, did you go out with her? And I was like, no, I go, I never even talked to her. And he literally stopped walking because I had built a whole relationship in my head.

It's easy to fall in love with somebody you never talked to because they can't, like, you know, they always, they're perfect in your mind, right? So when he found out I had never even talked to her, he fucking, I remember, I still remember, we were somewhere in the, like, I don't know, 18th street, a 20th street of some shit in New York. And he was literally leaning on a mailbox. He was laughing so hard, just dying, laughing at me. And he was laughing so hard.

I was like, what, what? He goes, and he was like, just going, you fell in love with a chick that you never even talked to. And I said, yeah. And he laughed even harder for like another 30 seconds. And he was laughing so hard, he got me going. I didn't know he was laughing, but I go, what, what? He goes, Bill, he goes,

for all you know, she could have been a cunt, right? And I just fucking burst it out laughing. And I really never thought about her again. He just so put it into perspective. And that joke took me to that. He called yourself meatloaf, my dude. Well, there you go. How do you sell that?

How do you sell that? And that's what I loved about meatloaf. Because he looked the way he did. He didn't look like a rock star. He was fucking overweight and he called himself meatloaf. And he fucking, that doesn't make any fucking sense. And he did it. The fucking dude did it.

So God bless him. Yeah, this was a sad week. And I also have to give a shout out to one of the greatest standup comics I ever saw, the great Louis Anderson. I still remember when that HBO special, that half hour he did, or did he do an hour? I can't remember. And what is so amazing to me about that special is was he was a fucking master

already, like, I think I looked it up. The one that I was looking up, I want to say that a black sports coat and a red shirt or something like that. I can't remember, but he was already a master and he was still in his early thirties and he had that, that Bill Cosby pacing. First of all, totally clean. And he had that relaxed storytelling and he could literally do like, you know, he could just like move his face or glance over or something.

And he would get like an applause break and people laughing. And he just got everything out of every laugh, just with absolute master. And I'll never forget the first time I met him. I think it was my first, like TV gig. It was Louis Anderson's comedy showcase. And years later, I found out that that's where Dice Clay did one of his specials. I forget what the fucking theater was called. It was right across from Capitol Records.

It's called like the Avalon now or something like that. But I remember, oh, man, they shot it during the day. It was one of those things. They shot it during the day and they just had gotten tourist off a Hollywood Boulevard, like half a block away and brought these people in and they were just sitting there like, what the fuck's going on? And people were fucking eating it or only doing OK. As you, I mean, it was literally like.

I mean, I somebody I felt like I got there like 10 in the morning and I went on at like 1 30 in the afternoon to do a TV thing. And. I went out there. It was just like, all right, man, just fucking get him on that first one and fucking get through this thing. And somehow I got him on the first one and I actually had. I mean, I didn't have a great set.

It's my first one ever. But I got through it. I had a really good set. And I remember he came walking out and he goes, keep it going for Billy. You know, he talks and then he looked at me and he goes, you're going to be a big star. I remember that. I was like, oh, my God, that's amazing. I can't believe he's probably just being nice.

But that was awesome. And then I never saw him again. For years. And then one day I was out in L.A. I don't know if it's one after I moved out here and oh, seven. Sometime in the 2000s, I ran into him. I was in the back and he came walking in the main room, you know, green room. And I immediately felt like I had no right to be there because he came walking in.

And he just came walking and he just goes, hey, Bill, how are you? He just sat down and talked to me as though I was a peer. And I can't even tell you how what a thrill it was that he even knew who the fuck I was. And he was just so nice. And that's just how he was over the years. He just was always, you know, one of the best out there doing it while also being one of the nicest people ever. And I don't know.

That's one of the ones that starts to make me think there is a God, you know. Because he keeps taking all the nice people, sagging. Took Saggett and Louis Anderson this month. You know, yet here I sit still living. Anyways, rest in peace, Louis Anderson. Just one of the greats to ever do it. If you're a young comic and you think you go too fast, which I still think I do, that is a guy to watch and study.

Because I'm telling you, man, that guy had mastered this shit by the time he was like 33 or 34, he just that guy, you came out there, you were locked in and he just took you on the ride, man. That guy amazing and another amazing, amazing person. Comedians, I'm telling you, we got a bad rap, a lot of us, we're good guys. We're good guys. You wouldn't know it. You wouldn't know it with all this crap that's out there about us, but we were all right.

So I was actually thinking whenever I get a little overwhelmed with my work, I always have this reoccurring like dream. You know what I mean? Like, you ever see that movie, Sexy Beast, where the guy keeps having that nightmare of that fucking sort of half man, half bull devil thing? I don't have a nightmare. I have like a dream whenever I get like too busy. I just have this dream that I live in the middle of nowhere.

You know, and it's super quiet. Like right now when I picture it, it's out in the desert, but it's usually in the woods. I just live in the middle of nowhere. And for some reason, my kids don't suffer, you know, with no friends and a shitty local education. You know, that's the only thing about, you know, there's always a price. You know, you live in a city. You know, there's all these amazing people, all these different cultures,

all this different kind of food, all of these different perspectives, all of these museums, all this cosmopolitan shit. But then you got to just deal with the fact that you're stacked up like sardines. You got to deal with crime. You got to deal with just craziness, right? But then you live in the middle of nowhere and you solve all of that. You're not stacked up like sardines. You got fresh air.

There's a place to park. That's my thing. There's a driveway. You know, every driveway out here in fucking LA is just fucking hilarious. They're all fucking curved and all of that. Unless you buy like a brand new house, my dumb ass. I was always liked old shit, right? So my driveway is made for like a fucking Model T Ford.

So. Be a place to park and all that. But then I would just have to deal with all these fucking weirdo neighbors. At least maybe that's why they live away from each other. You know, because that is the thing. When you live by yourself and you isolate, you slowly go fucking crazy. But, you know, in defense of people living in the middle of nowhere, you can also do that in a city where I don't see it as much in LA

because you're sort of forced to kind of go out a little bit. Get in your car and go drive and do shit. But like the fucking weirdos that I saw when I lived in New York City, like those fucking lifer New Yorkers. Like, oh, man, you're not getting out, are you? I used to see these fucking people. You know, they always talk about like the cat people and that type of shit. I'm not talking about them.

I just mean like I'm just talking like little old fucking people. You're just looking at them like, do you have anybody? Is there anybody taking care of you? How can you be around all of these people? And like, it's like, like nobody even sees you. They have fucking old clothes. This is getting depressing. I know.

But this was like the shit I would see and I would think like, I got to get out of this city. I'm not going to be that. You know, everybody like all the old people, like they all look like they look like Lou Reed or look like they were in the Ramones at some point. You know, when they stayed at the party too fucking long, you know, either that or they have they walk down the street like wearing the estate jewelry that's going to be going up for auction soon.

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For 20% off your entire system. All right. How much time have I done here? Oh, look at that. Right up on it. I got 15 minutes to eat lunch and I'm right back on to another Zoom meeting because my life never ends. My business day, I should say. Anyway, that is the part, it's not the podcast. We got the, oh, we got the BedMGM segment coming up right now

with me and the wonderful Paul Verzi and Andrew Thamelis talking about last week's playoff games and giving you some of our, telling you what we're going to be gambling on in the AFC and NFC Championship game. And here it is. What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the Anything Better podcast, NFL Edition, sponsored, of course, by BedMGM

and we are going into Championship Week. Guys, as you know, all football season, the Anything Better podcast has teamed up with BedMGM. Okay, we've teamed up with them. They have the best, most reliable lines. We've been using them for every one of our picks and we also have special offers for our listeners. If you haven't signed up to BedMGM yet, it's very simple.

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I need the floor. I just need the floor for a minute. Okay? I need the floor for a minute, because I've been stewing in this for so-so, and then it's yours, and then I will fucking defer to you. Okay? Unlike the fucking opportunity,

unlike the opportunity the Bill's had, but let's get into this. I am done. I am done. I am done. I am done with the Green Bay Packers. I am done with them going 13-3 in the regular season. I'm done with them going 15-1 in the regular season.

Aaron Rodgers, MVP. He's the goat. He does this. He does that. And then a team that doesn't play in that weather from the West Coast comes in there, beats them. Okay? Eli went in there, beat them when they were 15-1.

I'm fucking done. I apologize to everybody when I- I'm ready when last year beat them. Great. I mean, everybody beats them. That's what the Packers do. Great regular season. They stink.

They fucking stink when it counts. All right? And I got to tell you something. Aaron Rodgers, hate manning. I don't want him in the big game. I don't want him in the big game. I'll take fucking Eli Manning over those fucking guys. I'm done.

All right? And here's the other thing. I don't want to hear, oh, these games were great. Cooper Cup should not be open in that game. Okay? The fucking safeties weren't there. It was terrible defense. The Bill's and Packers made me sick.

I'm sorry. I'm fucking done. Go Bill. Go. I know. Once the elation of watching the excitement at the end of those games, that was some of the most atrocious defense and special teams I've seen. They were all playing like two and 14 teams.

How are you on the defense of the Bill's or the Chief's and at the end when the whole team's celebrating? What is the defense doing? Yeah. We did. I mean, they were getting smoked. Awful. 25 points in the final fucking two minutes.

I'll tell you what broke my heart was watching Tom Brady yet again drives him down for the fucking go ahead or whatever, just to watch his fucking team blow it. How many fucking times saw twice against those goddamn giants? Well, Tom Brady did everything he could. Josh Allen did everything he could. And then all of us, how the fuck do you get, how do you fuck? Josh Allen did it like three fucking times and they still couldn't put him to bed. How do you get 60 yards and 13 seconds from the 25-yard line?

I mean, how the fuck, what kind of prevent defense is that? That's my thing too. And they were blaming the coach going, they should have kicked somebody to run the seconds because 13 seconds is too much fucking time now. How about this 13 seconds and you're the fucking number one defense in the fucking NFL? And there's another thing that's bullshit too. They're definitely going to change the rule. Okay.

Regular season who first touched that wins over time. Come on. We got to get on with that live playoffs playoffs. Kid me. You can't just one guy gets the ball and that's it. That's fucking stupid. Because whoever won that coin toss was going to go down there and win it. I get that.

I get that. And I think you're right. But that being said, can somebody make a stop? Can Buffalo see what their quarterback did and make a fucking stop? I mean, the kid fucking played incredible. I mean, you could say the same about the chiefs, the same thing. Fucking unbelievable, man. You know, his bugging me was when Josh Allen was driving down the field and he threw an

incomplete pass. I saw Kelsey on the sideline. He goes, does this stupid matumbo thing. And then he scores a fucking touchdown. Then he scores a fucking touchdown. It's like, I just, when he's going like this, it's like, Kelsey, what game are you watching? Yeah. The defense stinks.

They're going to score. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I got to tell you this, Paul. Stafford's got to have the game of his life, but I think the Rams. Oh, no, the Rams.

The Rams could stop those guys. For the love of God. But, but I will say this though. Patrick Mahomes might be so mobile. I don't know. That's a, that's an incredible matchup because it used to be like a front four like that. Your giants used to get Tom Brady would get a moving, but Tom couldn't run. Mahomes can.

He runs a little dainty, but the man definitely runs. I just don't understand how you don't take Cooper cup out of a game or at least contain him. Same thing with Tyree kill. Tyree kill was the one to get that fucking thing in the, at the end. Tyree kill was the one to get there. It's like you just. Tyree kills the only one I'll give him a pass on. That guy is like, he's not even fucking.

Dude, the guy was running down the sideline. He gave the peace sign to a professional athlete. Like he was driving by in a car. I mean, Tyree kill is just like that guy is terrifying. He's everybody else's human out there. That fucking guy is warp speed. I mean, that was, that was ridiculous. Dude, I'm not even a Buffalo bills fan.

And the, the hurt that I felt for Josh Allen after what that guy did. It's, it's dude, somebody said, I think it was Stephen A Smith or somebody goes, that defense should be ashamed of itself after what that guy fucking did. And he's right. That guy fucking just sat there when they lost like what else could I do? There's a thing. Don't ever feel bad for their fans though. Don't ever feel bad for a fan base.

What you're looking at is a dormant volcano. And all it needs is a fucking championship and they will instantly become cunts. Well, I feel bad for it. They were fucking assholes when they kept winning the AFC East and the AFC championship before they started once they lost two Super Bowls in a row. They kind of had to shut up a little bit, but they were assholes. When they were the running gun, Thurman, Thomas, Jim Kelly, Fred, Marliss, Bruce Smith, Cornelius Bennett, Daryl Talley.

Daryl Talley. Oh, you got me. Bibi. All right. Yeah, that their fan base were cunts. The same thing. It's like, Oh, the Patriots, the most obnoxious fucking fans ever. Yeah, we're, we're, we're about as obnoxious as anybody would be if you won that much.

So I'm not going to sit there and be like, Oh, those poor people, you know, they spend their hard earned money on tables. I'm just, I'm not, I'm not buying it. And what are the Green Bay Packers doing fighting for that home field and getting it and getting the buy and Rogers is healthy. What are you doing? What do you got a guy six foot four to 28 blocking a guy's six four to 70 right up the gut guy was giving away fucking 42 pounds.

You can't get mad at that Packers guy. That was a heavyweight versus super heavyweight. Well, let's go to figure out a way to get it done. All these fucking fat fucks can't even put their socks on without breathing heavy. I'm going to say what that kid should have been doing. Well, I'll tell you this. How about I give Joe Burrow credit for getting sacked nine times. Joe Burrow got sacked nine times just playoff record and still found a way to fucking win

that game on the road, man. I love Joe Burrow, but you know what, there was a couple of those he could have thrown in a way. His instinct is to talk and start scrambling backwards like Fran Tarkington and he's not fast. He shouldn't be. He's good. When he gets that out of his game, he's only going to get sacked six times, Paul.

That kid's got a little. Yeah, he comes from heart, but yeah, you're right. All right, so let's get to these championship games. We got the Cincinnati. I mean, Paul, he lets Cooper Cup get parallel with them before he turns and tries to start running with them. Underneath. I couldn't believe it.

Get beat underneath. I fight on the deep route. He breaks it up. But whenever he gets 30 in front of you, you don't let him run by you. I couldn't believe it. When I saw Cooper Cup run that route and just run past Winfield Junior, I actually couldn't fucking believe it. He just ran to the end zone.

There was no move. There was no stutter step. He just fucking ran and the guy's like, oh, I guess he's running. I do that in the yard with my kids. I do that. I believe that's called a go route. Go long. That's plain fucking nerve for your friends.

They drew that up in the dirt. It was just a straight line to the fucking goal post. I'm going to run straight, throw a bomb. Got the Cincinnati baggles going into where? Going into the Arrowhead Stadium against the Chiefs. Can Joe Burrow shock the world? Can Joe Burrow shock the world in the AFC championship game? I got a question for you.

Does a good defense beat a good offense anymore? I remember years ago when we watched the fucking Patriots Eagles and I remember watching that game going, dude, if this is what the future of the NFL is, because nobody, when I was watching that game by the third quarter, I said to my buddy, because there was no punts until the end of the third quarter. I was like, I don't know who's going to win this game, but nobody on defense should get a fucking ring. You should get a ring because you got there, but you should have one less fucking diamond.

I mean, that was a joke. That was, that was a video game. The winning defense led up over 500 yards passing and got a fuck. They got a ring. They are the champions. That game reminded me of playing Madden with my friends that everybody just goes forward on fourth down every time because it doesn't matter. That's what that was.

And you get it. And you get it. That was crazy. So my question for you, Paul is does a good defense through those great giant defense teams that beat the undefeated Patriots, the Bill Belichick and Tom Brady, the big fucking Rubik's cube. Nobody could figure out except for you guys. All right.

Eagles went 50 50 got to give them a shout out too. I can your giants with those fucking super size linebackers and fucking 2008 that I was so jealous of. Then one of them went on to host. Good morning, America. Who knew? Who knew you also had the replacement for Regis Philbin? Hey, Bill, I know.

Can they stop the way the way the game has changed and all the rules and don't touch the quarterback to the point they can fake slide and run for another 30 yards. Hey, Bill, I know who can't do it. The fucking Packers. That's who can't do it. Here's a deal. They said that Cincinnati played the best defensive game of the year and the chief's defense stinks. The problem that I saw with since he man is that offensive line not protecting him.

And when you look at that game film, if the chiefs are all over him and they get behind, they're going to be playing from they're going to be playing from behind trying to catch up. I worry about boroughs protection, dude, because it did not look good. It did not look good, man. Yeah. The chief's defense also did not look good. So I think it stinks. But I mean, I just think they have too many too many weapons, too much of experience. What's the line?

Andrew, what's the line? What's the line on the AFC championship game? Seven and a half. Although the Bengals have Bengals have my new favorite field goal kicker. I don't even know his name. But before he went out there, he goes, congratulations, we're going to the AFC championship game. And I just love to the people always like go for it, go for it, go for it. You see all these fucking field goals winning games this past weekend.

I love a fucking field goal kicker with ice water in his veins. Adam Vinitari first ballot hall of famer. Half our Super Bowl trophies are on his foot. Takeout Tyreek Hill since he's got a shot. I like since he with the points. I like I like since he with the seven and a half. I like, you know what? I want to root for sincey.

So I'll take sincey. We're getting our ass kicked in the playoffs. Let's have fun. Anyways, come on. We're getting our ass kicked. We're getting smoked. Yeah, because the MVP doesn't do it. What are they?

What is your 10 points? What is your 10 points at home? They scored 10 points at home with a bye week. 10. It was too cold, Paul. They weren't used to playing in the cold. San Francisco players go to the beach on fucking go to the beach when they're off. Smoking.

Smoking. It's like, it's like 40 degrees in San Francisco. That's the funny. Jimmy Garoppolo's. No, no, but now they play inland. Now they play inland towards San Jose. So it's actually hot. Jimmy Garoppolo's is what his girlfriend surfing teach you how to surf.

Go now. I got to go to Lambo. It's going to be snowing next week. Don't worry. We'll win. They had a buy. We'll win. Fucking it's unacceptable.

He kept his chain on during the game and he still beat him. And I was rooting for Rogers. I know a lot of people weren't rooting for Rogers. A lot of people don't root for Rogers for a lot of different reasons. A lot of people weren't rooting for Rogers because of COVID. A lot of people weren't rooting for Rogers because of a lot of things that he's done the off season that he had. I was rooting for the guy who I thought was the most skilled player on the fucking field. I don't care about off the field shit,

but you can't have a bye week at Lambo field and get home field and fucking lose again. You can't as somebody said something and I might take it this far. I'm going to take it this far. Oh, he's closing the door people. He's going deep now. Listen to me. Listen to me. This man right here has more.

Listen, he has more playoff yards than anybody. My home is 438 yards away from this guy. This guy has gone into hostile environments and fucking one. This guy over Aaron Rogers and Peyton Manning any day of the fucking week. Well, next time your wife gives you shit, can you please pick up that little thing and just be like, you think this guy lets his wife talk to him like that? Do you? Because this guy has taken out the trash more than anybody in this house.

I know his face doesn't say it. He's got hard. Yeah. All right. So now we could get into the NFC championship. We got the San Francisco 49ers. We got the San Francisco 49ers bill going into it's in it's in Los Angeles at the Rams. Matthew Stafford 13 years with the Lions now has a shot to go to a Super Bowl.

He's going. He's got a good defense. He's got going. Bill like what's that line? Andrew, what's that line? Three, three and a half. I love it. I love the Rams three and a half.

I think San Francisco stepped in shit last week. They had that fucking third grader blocking a fifth grader on the fucking punt. Ended the game. They stole the fucking game out there and I just, you know, listen, I think that was a Super Bowl. I love San Francisco. I love their organization. I love the punchline.

I love that Jimmy G's. I love Molly at the punchline, but I'll tell you right now, I don't love their football team against the Rams. You want to laugh? I had people over for the game and somebody's like, nah, dude, San Fran's not going to win. And they're like, I don't know about this Jimmy G guy and Jimmy G had his helmet off. And I go, yeah, I mean, it's a good looking and dying kid though.

Can we be honest? It just bursted out laughing. Three and a half is a really good number. I guess I would have to say because of the defense. I agree with you, Bill. I would say the Rams because of the defense. I think they're going to kick their ass. You do.

Yeah. Okay. I think staffers, everybody's good as Jimmy G. I think they got that fucking front for a great D and they got Cooper cup. And he's going to run right up to the safety right by him and say, oh shit, where's he going? It's going to be a touchdown. But don't forget week 18.

You can't forget week 18. Why can't I forget week 18? Because we get that they were in the same division Paul week 18. The Rams were beating the Niners 17 nothing and the Niners needed the game to get to the playoffs and they came back and beat him. That was just short weeks ago. I love it. Okay.

And the Patriots beat the Giants in fucking December. Then we lost to you a month later. I love it. All right. Well, listen, I got to go with the defense defense is what wins. I take the Rams too. So we are going. Listen, it hasn't been the greatest.

It hasn't been the greatest playoff run for, for the anything better podcast. I'll be the first to admit it. And you know what? It's candy. It's the Buffalo Bills and the Packers fault. I'm blaming them. But we will go Cincinnati getting seven and a half. And the Rams laying three and a half against the 49ers to go to the Super Bowl, man.

I mean, we're saying that the Chiefs aren't going to go, but we like the points with Sinsi and we think the Rams are going. So let's see where, let's see. Can we finish that up strong? I'll tell you this though. I want to say this for the record. I think if the Rams go to the Super Bowl against the Chiefs, I like the Rams because I think the Rams defense will take Rams got good deep backs and the kid who we hate the Chiefs.

Okay. People putting their money down here. Come on, man. You got to be honest. You hate the Chiefs. Listen, a little bit of a, of a bias. Yes. And it's not a good Chiefs fans.

I love Chiefs fans. There's a couple. Okay. Great. Protect your fucking improv date out there. Now let's get down to what you're thinking about the team. The team annoys me a bit. You.

Uh, I was, yeah, a little bit. I don't know what it is. All right. Well, I just, everything my homes does, oh my God, throw it sidearm. It drives me up the wall and I hate that little lateral. It's a little underhanded that you throw it to a toddler like that and they freak out. I'll tell you, they got a lot of looks down here on the fucking goal line. I never wanted to talk about a guy's family, but here's what bugs me.

Any time I see family members throwing stuff, yelling, cheering and yelling at fans, whoever it may be, a brother, a sister, a cousin, a wife, as soon as I see family members of a player getting involved like that. Listen, I don't mind. You saw Josh Allen's dad in the box hugging the mom after he threw the thing. I'm all good with that. I'm talking about when you see family members going like this, like this or like this. That's when I'm like, all right, you gotta enough, enough, enough.

Yeah. You're not playing. You're not playing. That's what it is. My only thing is, if I always feel bad, if I see a dude has a really controlling woman to the point, you know who she is and they keep cutting to her in the crowd. Like, remember that basketball guy? He had to go like this before he shot a foul shot that meant I love you to his kids.

Oh, yes. Yeah. There was a certain quarterback and his wife who looked like the principal was sitting in the front row a long time ago. I was just like, Jesus Christ, can the guy have his fucking three hours of glory without showing this fucking broad? You ever see that in a WNBA game? It's a boyfriend and a wife beater sitting there.

All right. That's it. Let's let's do a little. Parley. Parley. Yeah. So here we go. All right.

Here's what I like, Paul. I'm going to go no surprises. Okay. I like Joe Mixon to get a touchdown. Cooper Cup. Okay. Tyreek Hill. I've lost all faith in NFL defenses.

They all know that they need to stop all three of those guys and they still won't. I'll go with you on that. I think that if Tyreek Hill scores a touchdown, that means trouble for Sinsey. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. Okay. So let's let's do that. Cooper Cup is just, I mean, Cooper Cup is how I've never seen like this kid's catching

double digit defense fucking stinks, Paul. That's what everybody should take away from that game. Yeah. Yeah. Stink. They had the game one, they lost it. They want it. They lost it.

They want it. They lost it. They want it all the time. Because of a fucking coin toss. If they lose out on that field, they fucking lose their defense fucking stinks. If you want to get that though, I think that all the fucking defenses stink and they have the most offensive weapons. So I still think they're probably going to win the whole thing.

If you want to get Bill Burr riled up the way that I get riled up when a home favorite has home field and loses. If you want to get Bill Burr riled up, talk about a team who scores a lot of points and their defense stinks in a praiseful way. He can't handle it. Can't handle it. It's not football. You're right.

And you're right. What you're seeing is the fucking the football version of that bearded guy on the Brooklyn Nets scoring 42 and his man gets 38. By the way, real quick, just heard word out yesterday, James Harden, not happy in New York or living in Brooklyn and maybe wants out. And they're saying it's because Kyrie Irvin only plays part time because he doesn't want to get the vaccine. And now Mr. Harden is sick of New York and Brooklyn.

Isn't that a shame that I was going to play in the alt comedy scene out there in Brooklyn. All right, guys. So please sign up with bed MGM, download the bed MGM app, use bonus code Burr, OK, your first $10 bet, regardless of the outcome, you're going to get $200 in free bets. So it's what what can you say? We've been using them all year. We love them bet MGM and we will be back next week. Oh, we will be back next week with the Super Bowl show.

So until then, talk to you guys soon. All right, there you go. They have it. That is the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday, morning podcast. Please enjoy the music picked out by the always wonderful Andrew Thamelis. And afterwards you'll get a bonus tap hour of a Thursday just before Friday, Monday, morning podcast from a Thursday, you know, a year ago, five years ago. I don't know how he does it.

That is it. Have a great weekend, Jack. And I will see you. Who do you like? Who do you like? Will the Bengals shock the world? Who do you like? That's it.

I'll talk to you guys on Monday. 00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:54,920 Hey, what's going on is Bill Burm. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 27th, 2014 out of what you're doing. I'm out here in Hawaii the day after the Pro Bowl. I brought all my fucking, I brought my mix. I brought my cords. I brought everything that I needed except for a goddamn microphone.

So I kind of got to do it this bootleg way because my flight isn't until later. And oh, look who just walked in the lovely Nia. I thought you're going to take a walk down the beach to end your little trip. I forgot something. Sorry. All right. All right. Well, hey, you know, don't let us stop you.

All right. Enjoy yourself. All righty. See that? She walks down the goddamn beach and I'm sitting here slaving away. Did you hear a goddamn thank you? No, just kidding. We had a great time out here.

But yeah, our flight isn't until later on. So I got to do it now. So I don't have a fucking microphone, so I apologize. Anyways, I am out here in Hawaii. I had a great time, did a show Friday night. And at this theater, I don't remember what the fucking thing, the Hawaiian Honolulu Center or something like that. It was really fucking cool, man.

It was like the Chinese New Year was going on right next door, right down the street and it was fucking crazy. Was this sort of this artsy, cool and shady part of town and it was night and they will lighten off those fireworks and I didn't know what it was at first and I'm like peeking around the corners. So I'm walking down the street going, what the fuck is that? And because they will lighten off like those giant cakes of firecrackers as a couple of, you know, Chinese dudes are walking around with the dragon outfit on, right?

Was that offensive? I don't give a fuck. It's basically what I saw. Not trying to disrespect your fucking New Years. And you know, I grew up watching like Platoon, all those fucking movies there, Missing in Action, all of that, which basically just, I don't know why Asians didn't complain more in the 80s. And they made the way that they made you guys and that's what's funny is that's stuck

in my head. I didn't think it was. I didn't think it was until I heard gunpowder being lit off and I was in this part of town that had all this, you know, Asian looking stuff. All of a sudden I started feeling like, hey, am I going to get stuck in a bamboo cage with some rats and then get dragged out? Wow. Wow.

Is that going to happen? Which I know to speak it out loud is ridiculous. I guess what I'm really doing here is I'm speaking about the power of the images that we see on television and movies. They're corrupting our children. I guess maybe tip a goal ahead of point. It's one of the ways I went down there. Now once I saw what was going on, it was cool as hell.

I got to, uh, I'll show, I'll actually I'll post the video because the video is basically me gradually discovering what it is. I mean, I kind of knew as I started to, uh, um, walk down towards it. I think somebody finally had told me and, uh, but it really looks like the beginning of either some, uh, Oscar winning movie or some really creepy YouTube video that they're going to take down soon. It just looks like something fucked up is about ready to happen and it's actually, uh, celebration.

So if you ever go down there, white people and black people, you know, like what you want to stay in Asians better than us, you just as confused as we are, you know, if you're fucking are yours. When you go down there and the dragon's doing all the goddamn thing, you know, um, you know, when it comes over to you, you stick money in its mouth and that's supposed to bring you good luck. I don't fucking know whatever. I participated.

I'm on my best behavior. I'm in a different country out here in Hawaii. I don't give a shit what they say that this is part of America. This isn't. It is, but it isn't. You know what I mean? This is clearly some shit that we took over where I will argue with the Native Americans. To the day I die about whether or not we stole the country because I got to tell you, I look

around and I see all non Native Americans and the continental United States and everybody looks pretty comfortable. You know, they look like they fit in like they should be there. All right. So I swear to God, if one more patchy comes up to me and starts talking about how we stole the country, it's just like, well, then why do I look so normal up against this oak tree? Okay. Now you take those same white people and you stick them out here in Hawaii and we just

look like we're on vacation and people, oh, no, I live here. No, no, you don't know you don't. Something happened, something happened and somebody lost an arm because they couldn't find the shiny shit. And now you have a home where that person used to have a fucking hut or some sort of fucking thing that was made out of the ground and it was all natural, right? And the rivers were nice and clean and then we fucking showed up. I think it was a great moment yesterday of the awfulness of the direction that we've

headed in. It's actually, you know, I don't fucking know, I'm sitting in the upper deck of the pro bowl because I have connections like that and that stadium used to be, it used to be one of those multifaceted stadiums, one of the multi-purpose stadiums where you played football and baseball there and you could like shift around the stands and stuff like that and all this fucking crazy stuff. So of course, you know, it rains out here, there's all kind of salt water in the air, right?

Actually everything rusts up and the thing can't fucking move anymore. So basically they, they weld it permanently in the football position, football position. And basically on each corner of the stadium, where there should be a corner, you can actually look through and see how it's fucking hilarious. You could see all the way from the field to the outside parking lot, to the houses in the hills, all the way up to the mountains where it was all green. And you just started at the top and went, looked all the way down to the stadium or went the other way and you saw the, the progress of us ruining this fucking paradise out here.

But having said that, I actually went, I'm going to argue, I went to the most exciting pro bowl in recent memory yesterday. In case you missed it, in case you weren't one of the 40 people who actually watched the fucking thing this year, what they did to try to add a little bit of excitement to try to get the competitive juices flowing so people would actually fucking play the game as opposed to playing patty cake, patty cake and falling down on the ground when anybody was near you, which I totally understand why the players do it. I mean, this game does not mean shit.

And they're basically, well, do I want to keep making five to 10 million a year? Or do I want to risk that trying to score a touchdown in this fucking game? That doesn't matter. What they did was they had, they had two team captains at Jerry Rice and Dion Sanders and both of them, they actually had a draft and they, they, you know, they picked the players and all that type of shit and it basically came down to the end. And there was a minute, like 44, 48 left. Most of the crowd had left.

Tom Rice was down by seven and I actually, I'm not going to say I was drunk. I was pretty, I was feeling pretty good. And I commented the last minute 44 week, I got it all edited together in a video on the podcast page. You got to watch it. I'm not going to say what happens in case you missed the final outcome. Maybe you can get excited, get excited watching the video. I think I did a pretty good job for being a little bit drunk, you know, and if you take

out the curses, I thought I held my own with, you know, the gym lamp, please out there. I thought I did a nice job. By the way, I also came out here, I did a little something for inside the NFL. I did a little pro bow piece while I was out here and I got to talk to some of the players and I got to check out the stadium and all that type of stuff. I'm not going to do any spoiling here, but it's going to air this week on inside the NFL on Wednesday on showtime. All right.

And if you don't have showtime, why don't you go order it or go find a friend that has it. It was an unbelievable, unbelievable week. Yeah, it was fucking nuts. I don't know how to explain it. Put it this way. At one point I was actually up in the broadcast booth before the game and I got to interview Chris Collinsworth and Al Michaels and they were just the greatest, funniest guys and

all that type of stuff. And it just was, that was fucking awesome. Of course, I talked to Al Michaels about hockey. Why wouldn't I, you know, and he had the exact opposite views I had on a lot of this stuff, which was crushing me. I wanted him to be like, yes, yes. And he was just like, no, no, I feel A, B and C. He's like, nah, D, E and F. And I'm like, ah, fuck.

I'm an idiot. But it was awesome. And the game was great. And I actually saw this fan. I don't know if he's a hero or an absolute disgrace. It all depends on how you view about your behavior at a game. This fucking jerk off somehow got himself kicked out of the Pro Bowl. I don't know, even know how that happens.

Everybody was so well behaved and so psyched. You're in fucking Hawaii. The game doesn't mean anything. Everybody's just having a great time. This guy was such a fucking maniac. And everybody else was behaving so fucking well that I swear to God, the entire security force for the whole fucking stadium all responded to the call. I've never seen that many cops for one guy.

They actually had, there was like at least a half a dozen cops and two people with like those white medical fucking shirts on, just to kick this one idiot out. And they finally kick him out and he's got his tattooed chick and that type of shit. And we think they're gone, long gone, blah, blah, blah, which I think they kicked him out. And evidently his chick stuck around because with like two minutes left, this fan runs out on the field. And this is what's fucking hilarious is how, how like, how much the game doesn't mean shit. Everybody's just sort of mentally on vacation.

I swear to God, this woman ran around for like 50 seconds, 45, 50 seconds before anybody even knew like before you saw the first security guy going out there. They were so busy staring at the half filled stands. They didn't know what we were yelling about. This woman was running out of people. She was doing that thing. You know, you jump in the air and bump into the person. She was doing that to everybody on the field.

She was like running out of players by the time they fucking came out there, we're looking down there and somebody finally goes, that's that fucking chick who's with the drunk guy. So our whole section was laughing at it. And I swear to God, it took them about a minute and a half, she started running down the field towards the other touchdown and the place was going nuts. It was a great time. I highly, highly recommend coming out here to the Pro Bowl. It's a great, great, great fan experience, especially if the games are going to be like

they wait the way they are now with them picking players and stuff. So they actually, you know, you know, I'm not going to lie to you, they weren't playing the whole time, but there were, you know, moments where they would, they would, you know, Dion, I guess was talking to the camera. I didn't see that part, but it was like, oh, and that's not going to be like this. And he damp them up and they play for a couple, you know, for the rest of the fucking quarter or something like that. But in the end of it, who gives a fuck, you're in Hawaii.

So anyways, sorry for the fucking me and right now, what am I up to here? 12 minutes, 12 minutes, um, oh, I got, I forgot to tell you this, I'm sorry if I'm speaking a little too quietly here because I'm in my hotel room and I can't be screaming cunt in my hotel. So anyways, they actually had all like all the mascots or a majority of them. I didn't see the Patriots, stupid Paul Revere, whatever the fuck that guy's supposed to be. Mascots at the Pro Bowl. So I wasn't really paying attention, but at one point all the fucking mascots are in the

end zone and they have like a little card with a letter on both sides, which I think you know, they all line up and it says, welcome to the Pro Bowl. And then they turn it over a police support to troops, whatever the fuck it spelled out. So it was one of those deals. They spelled something, then they flipped it over and it's spelled something else. And then they were done. The camera shot was done. And then they just all sort of started to separate and three mascots randomly got together.

And for five seconds we're standing in the end zone spelling out Jew. It was one of the funniest fucking things I ever saw. And what's killed me was how many people missed it because everybody, because they were down on the right hand side and the ball was down the left. It was like a TV timeout or something. So they were spelling out some fucking thing for the fans and they went back the other way. And I had interviewed a couple of the fucking mascots. So I was kind of just watching that little shtick and me and the people we were with

saw it and oh my God, fucking dying, dying, laughing. If I, if I had a picture of that, that would have been the funniest shit ever. You know, that's where those Nazis have been hiding all these years. Everybody's been looking for him down in South America and fucking Brazil. They've been hiding in plain sight dressing up as huggable fucking Baltimore Ravens. I think I don't want to rat anybody else, but the Raven guy was part of it. I think he was holding up the W. Oh my God, that was, can you think of anything less anti-semitic than a fucking mascot?

It's just supposed to be this lovable thing doing the worm and the fucking moonwalk, getting people going right, sticking your fucking head in its mouth. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, you just see this ugly side of this thing. So, it was so fucking, it's just like, why, if you just took it seriously, why would a mascot hate Jewish people? And I love that there was no point. It just said Jew. Oh shit, anyhow, whatever, it was fucking funny to me.

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I didn't go into the water. I didn't go into the fucking sand. Nothing. All right. Let's try this next one. Why do I fucking feel like I have a cold, but I don't? All right. Nature's Box.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Nature's Box. That's what I got. This is what it's called. We're talking about our twat over there. Nature's Box. Got to be a professional. Nature's Box, everyone.

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Oh, Nature Box. It's not Nature's Box. Okay. Now I get it. Sign up to Nature Box, excuse me, for great tasting, healthy snacks sent right to your door. Well, why don't you leave it at the end of the driveway so we burn a few more calories? And I'm not talking about rabbit food.

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Stop the vending machine madness. Snacks smarter in 2014. Get a handle on your health and your hunger. Go to NatureBox.com slash Burr. Now what do they have there? Salted caramel pretzel pops. I'm going to lose weight. Dark cocoa almonds, French toast granola.

So let's see the scam here. There's no trans fats. There's no high-fructose corn syrup. How about nutrition? Is there any nutrition in that shit? Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Why wouldn't I get full eating caramel pretzel pops, whatever.

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Well, I don't know about you guys, but I think I just crushed those reads. The Nature Box people are probably upset with me, but I don't give a shit. I hate when they do that stuff. Nature Box, this is really healthy. There's no trans fats. That's like you're fucking drinking yourself to death and you're going, there's no heroin. There's no heroin in this shit. This will probably be the last week for that read, unless, what are you going to do?

Let's get back to the podcast. This week I finally announced, after three people on the internet were clamoring, going when are you going to announce your Canadian tour? We actually had the pre-sale on Wednesday of last week and it officially went on sale on Friday and I have to take time to thank the entire, I almost said continent, the entire country of Canada for the unbelievable response, oh Canada, you bought a bunch of tickets, so we added shows, four rolled red faced twinkled toes, I'm going to bring my jokes and a shiny shirt, I'll do my act for you.

Hey, you know what kills me is if you saw some of the fucking God forsaken places that I'm going on, on this Canadian tour, all right? You would think that all Canadians would be happy that I didn't just go to Montreal, Toronto and then go to Vancouver and then just say, oh hey, I toured Canada. I'm going to Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary, Winnipeg, Toronto, some place Hamilton, I don't even know where the fuck that is, Ottawa, Montreal, I'm going to Nova Scotia, I think, Halifax, is that what that word is? You would think they'd be like, wow, thanks Bill, thanks for the fucking effort.

You'd think everybody would say that, but no, only 98% of Canadians with that word, with that thankful. Then I got another 2% that would give me shit because I skipped over Saskatchewan, right? I'm going to Winnipeg too, hey people in Saskatchewan, I appreciate the interest, but you ever fucking stop for two seconds, you ever think of rather than just looking out your fucking igloo, you maybe try and look and see where I'm coming from? I live in Los Angeles, okay? You think I have time to go to every goddamn province up there?

I'm going out of five, five, you got ten provinces out there, I'm going to five out of ten of them. Why can't you see that the syrup bucket is half full? You know? I live in Los Angeles, I have fake titties to look at and I'm taking time out of my nice sunny fucking winter to go up to that fucking moose, to step around moose shit, alright? For most of the month of March, okay? And you're going to give me shit because I'm not going to Newfoundland, I'm not going

to Saskatchewan, why don't you get in your fucking pickup truck and drive over one province? Help me out, help me help you, can you do that? I'm just fucking with you, actually I heard your complaints and because I'm a people pleaser, I'm actually talking to my agent right now and we're seeing what we can do, alright? If I have time or I can fucking put another one in there, you know, rather than take a day off and get drunk and go curling or maybe play some pond hockey and do something that I wanted to do, you know? Go up there and hang out at the Celine Dion Hall of Fame, something that I would have

found enjoyable, I'm actually looking into my schedule, okay? To see if I can make it to those fucking places and you know what's funny? I'll add those and then some UConn territory is going to give me shit, you know what? I'm never going to get off the road. Hey, here's a fucking question I have for you, alright? When you're flying internationally, alright, for any of you fucking international flyers out there, when you're going from like, say like the Olympics or what, Moscow this year or whatever, they're in the Ukraine, they always fly up, if you're flying from the states,

they fly up by Greenland and they go up to the top of the globe, also known as North, you know? Because the circumference is a lot shorter up there, right? And you fly over there so they can save gas and you don't run out and fall into the fucking ocean. I get that. Why don't they ever just go up and over? Just go right up and over.

Say if you want to go to Moscow, if it's Beijing and it's on the opposite side of the world, why don't you just get in a plane in Chicago and fly due north and go right up and over the fucker? You watch a couple of movies and you're there. I was asking this question, as I always do, to non-pilots because I love to hear what non-pilots have to say about flying and then take their information and present it as fact to other people who aren't in the aviating field. What does it have to do with the magnetic pole of the planet?

Does it fuck with your little fucking rotisseries there on the fucking dashboard and all of a sudden you don't know where the ground is and where the sky is? You know? What exactly is the problem, United Airlines? Why can't you just fly up and over or down and under for all my friends down there in Argentina and Australia? Why can't they do that? Where the fuck would you go then?

Hey, when you fly, you know, when you fly over Antarctica, is there a point where you're just upside down? I'm sorry. I was only 80% joking. All right, so here's a video. Here's a video that a lot of people sent me this week. It was about these fucking bank of cocksuckers there. Let's see what it is here.

This is in the BBC News. HSBC imposes restrictions on large cash withdrawals. All right, and so at HSBC, customers have been prevented, some customers have been prevented from withdrawing large amounts of cash because they could not provide evidence of why they wanted it. The BBC has learned, isn't it learned? Has learned? Anyways, listeners have told Radio 4's money box, not to be confused with nature's box,

they were stopped from withdrawing amounts ranging from 5,000 pounds to 10,000 pounds. HSBC admitted it is not informed customers of the change in policy, which was implemented in November. The bank says it has now changed its guidance to staff. So basically, this guy went down, they said, can I have my 5,000 pounds that I earned and I put in this bank for safety? They said, no. He said, can I have 4,000 pounds?

They said, no. And then I wrote one out, I guess one withdrawal slip for 3,000 pounds and they said, okay, we'll give you that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, so they got a bunch of bad press and now allegedly they're changing it. So a bunch of people said, you know, what the fuck's with these banker cunts? You know, it's our money, yada, yada, yada and all that shit. I got news for you. It's not your money.

All right, it's their money. They print it, it's theirs, okay? And your job is to take the money that they give you for working your ass off all week and your job is to then take that money and give it back to them or get your ass into debt with it. Think about it. You work all fucking week. You don't even hold money in your fucking hand anymore.

They give it to you on this fucking piece of paper, all right? I know a lot of people are rolling their eyes right now, okay, but I got a point at the end of this shit, okay? You take it down to these fuckers and you just give it to them. Now this is the thing. The reason why they didn't give that person the 10,000 pounds, do you know why they didn't give it to them? It's because they don't have it.

I'm not saying that they don't physically have 10,000 pounds in the bank. Yes, they do. But they don't have 10,000 pounds available to give to just some random jackass who goes, oh, by the way, I want to take 10,000 pounds out right fucking now. They don't have it. Well, I don't know about how it works in England, but as far as in the United States, they don't have it for the simple fact that when if you went down and you deposit some regular fucking Tom Dick, Harry or Louise and you deposit 10 grand into a bank back

in the old days, when there was some sort of rules and regulations governing these out of control cunts, when you ran a bank, you had on your books like you could only loan out a certain percentage of the money or the bank was in violation like like say, let's just say to make it easy. A million dollars was deposited into your bank. You could only at during that time, you could only loan out. I don't know what the percentage was, but it was like 300 grand of it, 400 grand. I forget what the percentage was, but you could you couldn't go past a certain tipping

point because God forbid if there was a run on money and everybody started withdrawing, the bank would fail. Now any bank, if everybody shows up and tries to take the money out is going to fail because you know, they they they loan out a certain percentage of it. All right, but throughout the years, they kept pushing that percentage up more and more and more and more to the point that they got up to not only can they loan out 100% of the deposits from the hard work and the people that deposit the money in there, they can actually then create another $2 million off that million, something like that.

Like, so if you deposit 10 grand, they can take your full 10 grand, loan it out, plus another 10 grand off that 10 grand, plus another 10 grand off that 10 grand. So they basically just invented slash counterfeited 20 grand that didn't even fucking exist off that 10 grand. They got 30 grand loaned out so they can make the money off that fucking 20% interest off of that kicking you half a percent in your fucking account. And they just sit there knowing full well at some point, whatever bubble they're creating is going to burst shit is going to hit the fan.

You're going to be ass out and they're too big to fail. And at worst case scenario that you're going after a corporation and what are they they're just they're just they're faceless corporation is faceless. They take their bonuses is just sitting there waiting for John Cougar Mellon camp to write you a fucking song at fucking jackass aid and they're out there buying a new fucking yacht. All right. Did that make sense?

And I know you guys are going to be a girl, you're full of shit, blah, blah, blah. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. You sound like a moron. Hey, I'll take all of that. But I'm going to tell you this for like the fucking hundredth time in my stand up career. When I was in Albuquerque, I had a banker come up to me and was laughing going, I know you hate us. And I said, listen, am I a moron in the podcast?

And they always say, no, they go, no, you're not, you know, this of some factual errors a little bit here or there. But basically what you're saying is a hundred percent true. I talked conspiracy theory one time in my own bank as I was trying to set something up new on my account. I was talking to a banker about conspiracy theory and he was talking about banking. He was talking about how scary and fucked up it was. And he was asking me what I planned to do.

What do you think about gold and silver coins? What do you think about growing zucchini? And I was most, he's whispering and shit. I'm telling you. And I have no solution. So what I'm really being right now is a fucking fear monger. But this is, this is the, the, the great thing about banking is that, you know, I would say a good 95% of people walking around with a fucking goddamn tootsie pop in their mouth,

pulling their fucking Hawaiian shorts out of their ass crack. Believe in it. All right. And as long as they continue to believe in it, you can kind of exist in the game drafting behind their uninformed, I don't know what the fucking word is. I'm so, I'm too stupid to do this, but you just basically like, I don't know. I am, I am of the belief that if you can get a fucking house, buy one that you can afford and then pay that fucker down as soon as you can.

And all of that shit that people say where they go, Oh, it's not an investment because you got to be, dude, fuck that. Pay off your fucking house and then if the bank fails, you still have a house. Who gives a fuck if you paid 700 grand for it? Now it's only worth a hundred grand. You still have a house as much as that sucks. At least you still have it like the fucking stock market, right? You work your whole goddamn life.

You stick it in that stick it in this over there and you think you're being conservative. The thing shits the bed and in the end you can be left with nothing. So I am into tangible, tangible shit. Can you tell I screamed whenever I do a podcast the day after I went to a game or I did a lot of shows, I sound like I'm going through puberty again. I apologize, but I believe in investing in tangible shit and don't let your wife or your husband be like, Oh, we got kids. We got, we got to save up for their college education.

You know what? Fuck their college education. All right. Take out a loan. Take out a fucking lot. You're paying interest on your house now. The amount of money that you're going to save knocking down your principal will pay for most if not all of their college education.

All right. Unless they just go to some unbelievably expensive school and you're, I don't know, living in some little house on the prairie, Michael Landon smoking a pipe. So there you go. That's why that's why when they go down there, because they, they're not going to give 10 grand or 10 pounds to the average jackass walking in there because that starts fucking with their game, which is pretending that all the money is there and that it's, it's safe and that there's nothing to worry about and nothing to see here.

So what they do is they pull this shit and they bully people individually over in the corner behind that bulletproof glass and they're like, no, you have to get a note and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And most people like they have a parent-child relationship their entire life. They come out as a child, their parents tell them what to do, what they can and can't do, when they can eat, when they have to go to bed and they go off into the world. You know, you go to school, we're going to lunch now. If you have a question, raise your hand and you, you stay in that mentality.

So to the point you have a fucking adult who earned the money will go into a bank. You know, God bless this person who actually fucking was like, no, this is my money and complained and brought this out to light. But do you think this is the only person they did that to the money's not there, man. Yeah. Like if you had like two, 300 grand in an account and you decide that you just want to fucking take it out. If you physically want the money, if you want to transfer it, like fucking numbers hit

enter, they'll fucking do that all day. I had no worries, but if you actually wanted the paper, like you can't just walk in there and be like, yes, I'd like my 300 grand and they'd be like, okay, come out with big sacks of money. You got to call them days, if not a week in advance. And then what they got to do is frantically call around in front, find an armored car with enough of this paper that isn't worth shit other than the fact that the guy with the underwear and his ass still believes in it.

They got to drive that there so they can physically keep the lie going. All right. There you go. So that's the end of my, my fucking, uh, bar room banking 101. All right. And, uh, you know, I don't give a fuck about your opinions either because I'm not enlightened as a human being. If you don't agree with what I said, then, you know, just laugh at me and continue on

with your fucking day because you're actually helping me out as long as you keep fucking believing in it. But I think the day the wave hit in the beaches is coming soon because, uh, you know, at least in this country, I mean, the government shut down for three fucking days. And I know it made for great standup material, but that is absolutely fucking terrifying. Every year when August comes around and we hit the debt ceiling and we just keep raising it and we just keep pushing more of shit under the bed. Like eventually it's not all, I don't know.

That's probably the wrong analogy. I don't know what the fuck we're doing, but eventually the shit is going to hit the fan. So, uh, I'm not saying I'm going to survive it, whatever the fuck happens, but I do have a game plan. My game plan is to pay off my house as quickly as I can. So when the first wave of people are being brought to the, uh, I don't know what euphemism they're going to be using for detention camps, um, I figure it'll be like, well, you can't pay off your house.

We're repossessing the house. So now we're going to move you to alternative relaxing living, whatever the fuck they're going to call it. At least I won't be in that first wave of people. I will have my house paid off and I will stand there dressed like a court jester with my little fancy cane going, but get off my property and then look at me and be like, oh, look at this little cunt thinking he has power. All right, we'll be back for you.

We'll be back for you in like a month or so. Let's just get the, uh, let's get the mouth breathers first. Let's get the easy people. Then we'll weed out the red cunts and then it'll all be ours. Some of it, some out ties in to how they're trying to make robots more and more human like. All right. This is the kind of shit this story right here that seems like a victory for the common man.

And what it really is, is this just moving the ball forward on the development of robots so they can eventually phase us out. And then they can just have robot people that will never, never complain. And then of course, if you watch science fiction movies, they somehow take over the humans, which they're not going to do. They're not going to do that. All right. We'll unplug you.

We won't fix you. I'll dump some water on you. You know, this is the deal. Every fucking web designer, when he builds your website or he builds you a secure site, always builds in a fucking back door. All right. So the guys making the robots are going to do the same fucking thing. There's no way the Illuminati is going to have a bunch of robots that are stronger than

them, don't need to sleep and all that type of shit. And like they watch science fiction movies. These fuckers are science fiction. How crazy do I sound this week? I'm actually enjoying every fucking second of this. They're going to have a back door, you know, somewhere up that robots ass. There's got to be something that they can fucking do. Some button they have to push.

All right. So there you go. Was that weird enough for you? Huh? I'm sorry. What do you want from me? You know, my fucking weird guy. How about some more?

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Don't put off things you need to do today. Go to legal zoom.com now and use the discount code Burr, B U R R. That's legal zoom.com discount code Burr. Oh, geez. I'm just hitting the fairways today, guys. I'm not saying I'm not too putting, but I'm doing all right here. All right. E voice.

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You know, I'm going to talk to those guys. I'm going to find out more about what they're putting in nature's box there because I'm not going to sell you guys a bunch of shit. That's not even healthy for you. But you know, that's looks like one of those fad down. You know what? You just eat a fucking banana. Okay.

What is a banana, 25 cents, 35 cents in New York. What are they? 50 cents now? It gives a fuck. Eat a goddamn banana. Have an apple. It's fiber. It's going to fill you up.

Have a giant salad. You know what you need to do and you just being lazy and rather than doing that, okay, because your body's craving sugar and salt. You're thinking that you want to eat fucking caramel pretzels, cupcakes, whatever the fuck they're selling. You don't. What you need to do is you need to fucking, you need to get a goddamn salad. You need to get that in your body and then your body will crave that.

Your body will crave nutrition and it's the greatest fucking thing ever. And if you actually read up on nutrition, which I have only kind of done and it's helped me immensely. But if you guys, you know, there's no way you're going to be dumber than I am. If you actually read up on nutrition, you don't even fucking, if you go for walks, you don't need to go to the gym. If you just did pushups and some pullups and you ate a balanced nutrition diet, nutrition, diet, you know what the fuck goddamn fucking snicker doodle that looks like a chocolate

color covered fucking apple. I hate that shit. All right. I used to have a fucking old roommate of mine used to do that all the time and you'll know who it is by the impression, you know, no, I'm not going to do it, but this person used to fucking go on these God, he used to, one time he was on his diet, he was drinking like this chocolate shake three times a day. Three times a fucking day this dude is drinking a goddamn chocolate shake to lose weight.

Oh, it's chocolate favorite fucking powder. Oh yeah, I'm sure that's not. I'm sure that's great for your waistline, but I can imagine that's doing something else fucked up. Would you look at what you're, you're putting in your body? Fucking moron. It's just, I'm not moron. What are you going to do?

You know, drink your fucking powdered milk. I don't give a shit. Die sooner. And you know, the rivers are cleaner. All right. Where do I go from here? Yo, last week, you know what? I forgot to bring up.

I had such a busy week. I went to the, hang on a second. What the fuck did I just do there? I got to make sure. Oh, all right. Hang on a second. I know it sounds weird right now. I got to look this up here.

Make sure I get this right and get the dates right and everything. All right. Last week, I forgot to mention that I went to the, now why the fuck? I'm going to come out now. Now it comes up. All right. This happens once a week on the podcast if you're new to it, by the way. I always go to look something up and of course my computer doesn't even fucking work.

Anyways, I went to the common thread clinic tour, which is a drum clinic for all you drummers out there. If you just want to watch three absolute fucking beasts on the drums with three totally different styles. And what's really cool is they're actually all seven years apart. That's what they said once 23, once 30, once 37. And it was just an absolutely incredible tour that I ended up going to because I was following Mike Johnston, who I've talked about here, Mike's lessons.com and he's on tour with Matt Halpern and JP Bouvet. I hope I said that right. Flunk French for so many goddamn years.

Absolutely amazing. Amazing, amazing drummers. So as far as the tour that I see looks like they're off right now, but they're going to maybe start back up in April. I hope I'm saying this right. You can look it up on Facebook, the common thread clinic tour. April 18th, 19th, 20th, 22, 23, 25. This is basically where they're going to be. Lancaster, Pennsylvania on the 18th. They're going to be in Depford Township, New Jersey on April 19th, Asbury Park, New Jersey on the 20th, Manhattan, New York, Sam Ash, the 22nd,

Middletown, New York on the 23rd, Manhattan, New York drummers collective. April 25th, I used to take drum lessons there. The place is awesome. Anyways, if you're a drummer or even just a musician, like they gave just great advice on how to get better and how to actually make a living as a musician. It was absolutely fucking mind blowing, amazing drum clinic. And one of the coolest things is all three of them are up there at the same time. So they kind of draw out of a hat who's going to solo first. And one of the coolest thing other than listening and watching the drum solo is watching the other two drummers watching who's ever playing.

And you watch them learning stuff and kind of look at each other smiling when they see whatever cool fill or something like that. It was fucking awesome. Can't say enough great things about it. So, you know, we'll have the link up on the podcast page for the common thread clinic tour. I hope you guys get to check it out or even just like fucking drums. You know, it works on so many levels. If you want to make a dream come true, it actually works on that fucking level. If you know how to just apply it.

And what kills me about watching these guys getting better, talking about getting better is drummers. It's the exact same like process as getting to get better as a comedian or even like an athlete. You know, finding a weakness, working on a weakness, you know, sticking with it, you know, being open, being positive, networking with people. It's all the same, the exact same thing. It was really fucking mind blowing. So check it out if you get a chance. And with that, we are one week away, not even one week away from the Super Bowl, everybody. And I actually thought that all they were going to do is talking about that Sherman guy and evidently, I guess all they've been talking about is the weather.

I don't, you know, I haven't been paying attention, but, you know, I did that thing this week and I talked to a lot of football guys and people just kept bringing up the weather. I don't understand what is the big fucking deal that it's in New York City football fans. Like I don't understand why are they tough right up until the the AFC and NFC championship games and they could sit in snow. You know, did anybody die at the Green Bay Packer game? It was like fucking minus 20, whatever it was. It was fine. They're football fans. Why are they making such a big fucking deal if it snows in the Super Bowl?

And you know what it is? From what I've heard, it's because so many fucking haberdashery cunts who don't even give a fuck. These corporate people who want to show up in their wingtips and their fucking ties, you know. And eat fucking sushi and all that shit during the game. That's the big deal. That's the big deal because I'm sitting there thinking like this is fucking great. One of the great NFL films of all time is when they show that Green Bay Dallas Cowboys game up in Lambo Field, a frozen tundra, right? People are going to be fine.

There's no problem. Stop acting like regular people are nervous about a little bit of fucking snow. I think it's going to be great. It's about time. Why do they always got to play around a bunch of palm trees? I fucking, you know something? I fucking hate the Super Bowl. I love that it's for the championship.

But I hate all the, how much more shit can they add to it? Jesus fucking Christ. Not one band. You got two bands. You got all the stupid commercials. You know, I said last week to just let the game go, like tape the game, let it go 90 minutes before you start. I would actually go a full two hours this year with all of the goddamn crap. I'm a grumpy old man.

All right, let's plow forward and somebody give that guy Sherman a hug. Okay, I know he's acting all confident and everything, but I'm telling you that guy needs a hug. He needs a hug and please tell him that he's the best everything in the world. I'm calling it right now. Call it right now. That guy will eventually break down and cry in an interview. He's going to. There will be the softer side of whatever his first name is Sherman.

I swear to God. I've seen it before. I called it when I saw Rex Ryan walking around, stick it out his fucking, his man tits talking all this shit. I'm telling you that guy cries himself to sleep with a bowl of ice cream. You know, his wife rubs his head every night telling him it's going to be okay. I'm just fucking with Rex Ryan. I actually think he's a great coach and he hasn't talked any shit in a couple of years, but he hasn't had a team where he could. So I think it's very easy for him to be behaving himself.

So we'll see who the fuck knows. I don't know who might have judged him, right? All right. Okay, let's get within to the emails for the week. Paul Pierce has returned to Boston. A Billy leaf clover. I just left the TD Bank North Garden. Not sure if you had any hotel sports center time whilst in Hawaii, but Pierce made his return tonight.

It was really special. The consensus was that no one, no other Boston athlete has received as warm a welcome as Pierce would having been there. Today it's the truth. No pun intended. Men were crying. Kids who didn't grow up watching, watching him knew he was something special. By the way, it felt in there tonight. No one played harder night after night for over a decade.

And even while no, even while no one was watching Tuesday night games against the Raptors at the end of a losing losing season and he would still play his heart out. It was really amazing. The link is below for the video from the game. I actually watched it. Yeah, it was amazing Celtics fan. Traded him right when he came back. Yeah, I mean that reminded me of the standing ovation that Bobby Orgott when he came back when Larry Bird retired. I mean that was right up there with with everybody.

And I think that's such a great thing when fans show their appreciation like that. So I'm psyched. It seemed like obviously Paul Pierce was really moved and that type of thing. And he's definitely he's going to be up there there. I think they're going to retire his number. They have to. They have to. He's one of the great.

So if you didn't get a chance, we'll have that link. I got a lot. I'm promising a lot of links this week, everybody. Okay. Did I mention that? I mentioned that I commented at the last minute 45 of the Pro Bowl. That's the one I'm looking forward to hearing your reaction to because I'm about me, not Paul Pierce. I'm a selfish entertainer.

All right, Bill, my friend wants to be you. Dear freckled Avenger. I have a problem ever since one of my buddies started listening to you. He started trying to act exactly like you. He started using a fake Boston accent. He changes his opinion, opinions according to the weekly podcast. I know because I listened to the show and I can hear his opinions change during our conversations on Tuesday morning. Also, he roots for all Boston sports teams now.

The only thing he hasn't done is die his fucking hair red. I don't want to be the asshole. I don't want to be the asshole who calls him out and ruins the friendship. Could you please say a few words about this? Thanks and go fuck yourself. Well, listen, pal. You know, it's long been stated that I am the Taylor Swift of podcasting. All right.

Little boys and girls look up to me. They want to be me. They play dress up. I don't know what to do with this fucking email. Whatever. He seems like he's enjoying it to another level. I like that he's a fan of all Boston teams right now. I'm kind of enjoying that it's ruining your life.

I actually wish I didn't read this. I wonder if he's listening right now and can actually tell that his own friend wrote this. This is fucking weird. I'm right in the middle of it. Is he going to get a fucking Patriots jersey that says freckled Avenger on the back of it? No. What kind of friend are you, man? Why can't you just let him have his fun?

People need heroes. Why can't I be a hero to somebody? You know, you know what I want to do? I want that dude to come out to a comedy show when he laughs at one of my jokes. I want to do that Taylor Swift thing and I'll look over and his direction and I'll just whisper, Oh my God. Did you ever see that thing on 60 Minutes? When she would look into the upper deck when all these girls were screaming and she would get this weird look on her face

and then she would whisper, Oh my God. And it was just this totally calculated thing to try to make it appear that she was so blown away by their show of affection. But what it really seemed like the look on her face and then the fact she was saying, Oh my God, she actually looked like she looked like she was thinking like I thought I already killed those little bastards. They're back again. I have to fucking poison them again. There you go everybody.

This is my first single, what is it? Single white male. Maybe we'll do a remake of the movie. Hey, you know what? In that movie that chick was a redhead, right? Ah, Jesus. All right. Dutch girlfriend turns out to be a hooker.

Oh man. I feel bad for you, but I don't feel bad for you. Provided you didn't get an STD and you didn't knock her up. Oh Jesus. All right. Let's put on some latex and wade into this one everybody. Dear Bill, I live in the Netherlands. I've been casually seeing this girl for a few months.

Her family is rich. She's a pro fashion model and looks like Bridget Bardot. I've heard that name, but I can't picture the face. But with a name like that, right? She's got to be all stuck up with her fucking perfect jeans. Anyways, yesterday she told me that for the past few months, she's been working as a whore. How fucked up am I that I actually find that sexy on some level?

High class on account of her looks and profession. 2000 euros for three hours, 10,000 euros for 24 hours. Oh my God. Some guy's slobbering all over you for 10,000 hours. How quickly did you have to break up with this girl? I shouldn't make fun of this. This is terrible. Why is she tapping out?

She's taking the easy way out here. You're already a model. Everybody's rich. Is she getting written out of the will? She's freaking out. Like, what do I do? I've enriched my whole life. No, I'm not going to be.

I'll suck it. Well, why don't I read when I continue reading here? The usual clientele is rich corporate assholes and idiots who save up and think paying ludicrous amounts of money will get them a better orgasm. I have absolutely no interest in seeing this girl anymore. She's not going to be the mother of my children. Yeah, no, she's not.

Yet she's only told four other people. If I split after her telling me this secret, she'll feel like a piece of trash and view me like some Puritan ass wipe. My real reason for running away is you can't ask her to quit, and if she does, she'll only resent you for it and be at risk of relapsing any time. I got to get out. How do I do it?

Well, what you have to do is stop being concerned about her feelings. What about your feelings? What about the fact that this woman is fucking around on you? What about the fact that she could give you an STD? What about the fact that a relationship is built on trust and she has this giant fucking secret? Arguably the biggest fucking secret you could have. You know?

I'm not judging anybody in this fucking story because I've been you and I've been the whore. I'm just saying. If I'm the whore, I expect to get fucking dumped. You know? There's plenty of manhorses out there. That's what happens. Yeah, dude.

No, you've got to stop thinking about it. It's weird. This is what you have to do. You have to get over the... You have to be selfish in a fucking relationship to end up getting what you want in life, all right? And you have to have parameters and, you know, to use the cliche, you know, to make an omelet,

you've got to break some eggs. That's basically what you've got to do, and this is not your fault. I don't know what happened to her that made her choose this horrific fucking profession, but it's not your fault and it's not your job to fix it. And you said it in your last two sentences, I got to get out.

How do I do it? So I guess your second or last sentence, you said it, I got to get out. So you just have... You don't have to be mean about it. You just have to say, listen, that's just a unbelievable piece of information you just gave me that you were keeping from me and Jesus Christ, you just got to use the cliche,

you know, unless you're just built on trust. You know, I'm not judging you. I wish you weren't... You know what? There's a part of her that might want... I don't even tell you this because you might run to this because it's easier, but like, you know, I don't know. This is what I would do.

I would break up with her and then also try to get her help to get her out of it. That's what I would do. And by getting her help, I would give her information where she can go. She needs to handle this on her own because you have feelings for her and you know that this isn't the mother of your kids and if you just keep hanging around with her, you're going to get sucked back into it again

and now you have to trust somebody who lied to you at that fucking level and that is just a fucking train wreck waiting to happen. All right, dude, I would go get myself tested for everything under the fucking sun and that's it. That's it. And if she cries, I mean, that's part of it. And she brought it on herself.

It's not your fault, all right? And I'm not trying to be mean or whatever. I mean, I don't know what happened to her that made her do that type of shit, but that's not your fault, okay? So why don't you go out there, find a great girl who isn't a whore on the side and go live your dreams, all right?

And you know what? You're going to dump her and it's going to hurt for a little while. Even though you knew it was the right thing to do, it's still supposed to hurt because you're a human being. You just got to push through that. Go to the gym, right? Have a couple of belts at the bar,

but just stay in it. Stay in that pain and you wait till that pain's gone and then you fucking go out and try to find somebody else. In the meantime, you know, rub one out. All right. Okay, ordain my wedding. Hey, Bill, I'm getting married in October. Yes, I'm getting in that line to lose half my shit.

Well, hey, welcome to the club. So did I. Strange request, but would you ordain my wedding or at least be my best man? What does ordain mean? You want me to go, dude, we are gathered here today to join these two people in holy matrimony

under the eyes of God. Plenty of the church. Next to you. You fucking busted aspirated tube there. Um, yeah, what kind of a man invites another man to a fucking wedding? Don't ever do that to me again. Okay, I'll look past it one time.

Why the fuck would I want to go to a wedding? You know, actually, you know what? The reason why I didn't like to go to weddings in the past because it put pressure on my relationship. Now that we finally got married, there's no fucking pressure. We're going to a marriage. We're going to a wedding coming up

and I'm fucking psyched, you know? I already did it. I don't have a fucking problem. We're sitting there eating fucking hors d'oeuvres, dancing to the locomotion, whatever the fuck it is, just getting hammered. I'm going to have a great fucking time for the first time. You know what?

I might do you. Where is your wedding? If I got a gig in the area, if I got a gig in the area, I might come over there. Tell me where it is. Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

But then if I do yours, then I got to do everybody's, right? Can I sell my DVDs at the end of your wedding? Try it a couple of bits. Anyways, MIT, Massachusetts Institute of Technology creates toughest tongue twister ever. Dear Bill Litterett. Oh, you fucking cunt.

That's a great one. Thanks for the show. You are amazing. Look how this person is buttering me up to make a complete ass of me. We all love the podcast, and by far the best part is listening to you attempt to read spots and emails.

Yeah, that's because you're not happy or confident in your own life, that you have to watch somebody else fail. That's what it is. What does that say about it? That says more about you than it says about me, all right? You guys are my real friends. MIT recently created what they think

is the toughest tongue twister ever. Give it a shot. This is what they're doing at MIT. I couldn't get accepted there. If you can say it 10 times fast, you get a prize. Oh, go fuck yourself. What am I, a goddamn dancing monkey?

What is it? Pad kid? That's not even a... That doesn't even make sense. Pad kid, poured curd, pulled cod. Shouldn't it be that kid? That kid poured curd, pulled cod? Pad kid poured curd, pulled cod.

Ah, go fuck yourself. Am I actually saying something dirty and I can't hear it right now? I don't fucking know. All right, for those of you who have absolutely no life, if you want to fucking try and do that, you know, have fun. Okay, book recommendation.

What are we up to here? Oh, hour and seven minutes. Beautiful. Hey, hey, Billy Burgundy balls. Heard you mentioned that no country for old men is one of your favorite movies. Mine too. If you're looking for any good books to read,

I highly recommend anything by Carmack McCarthy. I hope I said that right. Carmack, C-A-R-M-A-C, one word, McCarthy, M-A, lowercase-C-A-R-T-H-Y. Author of No Country, Carmack McCarthy. Oh, he wrote that. I actually want to read the book No Country for Old Men. He said, I read said book after I saw the movie and even though they did a great job at the movie,

the book was still incredible. Everything I've read for him was top notch. The border trilogy probably being my favorite. If you hate easy going light on your loafers stories with predictable happy endings, you'll dig his shit. Come to Indianapolis and go fuck yourself, sir. I came there last April. All right, you know what?

I will check that out. I like it. I might, I might, you know what? I'm going to do, you know what I'm going to do, people? I'm going to go to my website, click on the podcast page, and then I'm going to click on the Amazon banner in the corner, which is going to take me to Amazon. Because when you go to Amazon through us here at billbird.com,

it doesn't cost you any extra money. It costs you an extra click of your finger. And, you know, whatever, you know, you buy whatever you buy and then they kick it back to me. They give me a little bit of a kickback. That's what they do. And then I take that money and I give it to a charity that isn't corrupt, hopefully.

Like the last one I was giving to, which evidently people say is not exactly on the up and up. So now I got to switch it to something else. What kind of a fucking person does it? Starts a goddamn charity, gets you all fucking excited about it. You think you make it a, you know, it's right up there with that pink lady, man. She's got her day in fucking something is coming.

I'd like to think, I would like to think. Okay, so anyways, I guess that's the podcast for this week. Once again, everybody check out the Common Thread Clinic tour and all these guys are monster drummers and really unbelievable educators and drums. And I'm telling you, they got websites. They got all kinds of stuff.

They got stuff to get your bands going and just all kinds of information was phenomenal. Anyways, that is the podcast for this week. I'm trying to think where am I going to be next. Next thing I'm doing is I'm doing a casino gig in Minnesota on February 7th. It's just outside of Minneapolis. I have all the dates and all the proper links

up on my website, billbird.com. And once again, I know I was giving the people in Saskatchewan shit. I'm going to try to get out there. I really, I absolutely blown away, blown away by the response to me finally touring Canada up there. And I'm going to be bringing the lumber. All right, so I'll see you guys in a couple of months. I got a nice run of dates going through Jersey down into Maryland

and into Virginia also in February. And we got the Patrisso Neil, the second annual. I'm so proud to say that the second annual Patrisso Neil comedy benefit on February 18th in New York City. It's already sold out, but there are going to be ways that if you would like to contribute that we will have. I'm actually thinking about starting up an email where I can, you know, get some more pictures of Patrisso with maybe some,

you know, some fan photos that he took after. I know he used to like going out and talking to people. And I'm just really proud that we're doing it again this year. Help it out all the people that he was helping out and keeping the memory of the most amazing comic I ever saw live. That's not, I purbely, I'm not exaggerating. Like this guy, you know, anything. I highly recommend any fucking thing that you can watch on YouTube

or download or anything by his specials. If you have any sort of appreciation for comedy or just art in general, he was the best. He made all of us look like little kids. So the second annual one, and I hope to be doing this for as long as I'm around, is going to be on February 18th. Like I said, we will try to get some merch together. We're trying to figure out what the fuck we're going to do

for the fans that couldn't make it there that want to donate. Maybe have a donate button, maybe build, maybe you could just figure out what the fuck it is instead of trying to brainstorm on your podcast. All right, go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you next week. Oh, Super Bowl prediction. I said it last week, I'm going to say it again this week. I think, oh man, I think I got to go with Seattle.

There's something, there's something about fucking Denver and how John L. Way, at the end of his career, solidified his name and history by fucking winning those last two. And now, I don't know, somewhere that Peyton is playing for the Broncos. That's the only thing that's making me nervous, but I think the difference in the game is going to be Marshawn Lynch. And I think Denver is going to do a good job in the first half of doing the best you can to contain that unbelievable talent.

But I think that they're going to wear them down. I thought that Denver's defense looked a little, I don't know if they were tired or what, but I was not liking the fact if I'm a betting man the way they let San Diego and New England hang around even after they totally fucking dominated them for the first two, three quarters. So I think Marshawn Lynch is going to be the difference.

He's going to chew up some clock and Peyton Manning is going to be standing there on the sidelines with that look on his face like he got to be fucking shitting me not again. But having said that, I actually really like both teams and I actually, all this shit I've talked about Peyton over the years, you know, really sticking up for Brady made me not like Peyton. You know, it's not like I know the guy. I actually would love to see him win another one,

but I would also like to finally see Seattle's fans actually have something to cheer about loudly, like a championship as opposed to that with the best dressed, with the most spirited, with the loudest fucking horseshit that they have started and you did start that. Okay, so know that. Know that, that you started that

and when you see it in the future that it started in your fucking coffee making goddamn city. Oh, by the way, did anybody see, and this is why I don't like that Sherman talking shit, fucking horseshit after a game. I'm that old white guy that thinks it's absolutely classless. Can I say it right? Classless and just what it teaches children.

And I can tell you right now, did anybody see that Justin Bieber video of him playing one-on-one with his black friend that he paid to lose during the YouTube video? Did anybody watch that? I can't even remember the fuck I saw it. I can't remember if it was on the news or if I watched it online. But he sinks a shot. He's filming himself.

He sinks a shot and he turns around and gives this look to the video camera as he walks all the way back to take the ball out again. If you see the look on this fucking 140-pound jackass's face, and I can't even get mad at him. He learned it by watching these fucking idiots who hit layups and, you know, thump their chest and do that 300. Oh, fucking yell after everything that they do.

It's the dumbest. People literally fighting in wars, like fucking Rambo, taking out three people at once after they do that. They don't fucking turn around and give a look. Why I don't... You hit a fucking... The kid hits like a 10-footer, turns around, and he looks like he's like this, like...

I never even saw Jordan do that. He stared down some people, absolutely. But after what? He dunked on Patrick Ewing and some other 6-foot-10 guy. That's what I don't like about it. And I see it just... The kids, they learn it, and then all of a sudden they're playing the fucking game,

and I gotta sit there, and every time somebody hits a layup or catches a 4-yard pass for a first down, they gotta act like they reinvented the game. And I never saw Jerry Rice, Wayne Gretzky. I mean, I've seen some Magic Johnson, I never saw do that. Jesus Christ, act like you've fucking been there before, you goddamn idiots. I don't know. I swear to God, if everybody starts doing it,

I'm gonna get into needlepoint. Alright? You know what, maybe that'll calm me down. It'll help me with my fucking... Alright, I'll talk to you next week, so go fuck yourself. Oh.