Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-3-19

Episode Date: January 4, 2019

Bill rambles about customs, fake asses and Tipper Gore.

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I can't yell. I am in Cologne, Germany. And it is 1.49 in the fucking morning. And I'm fucking wide awake. I'm still in fucking L.A. time. What time is it back there? A nine-hour difference? Say it's two o'clock.

It's about what? 9.30 in the morning? I don't know what the fuck it is. It's about 4.30, 4.00, 5.00 o'clock or some shit. Anyways, how are you? How you doing? I made it over here. The flight was a fucking joke.

I literally watched, like, I watched one full movie. All right? It was, I watched Doctor Strange Love, one of my favorite movies of all time, and favorite directors, Stanley Kubrick and Peter Sellers. Everybody in that movie is fucking brilliant. I watched that, and then I watched a half hour of Good Will Hunting. I was like, I have not literally not seen this movie since I saw it in the movie theaters. I've seen bits and pieces because it's on, but I never just sat down to watch it.

For those of you who have never seen it, he's wicked smart. He cleans the floors, but he's wicked smart. I saw a little bit of that. It was crazy because that movie doesn't seem that old to me. I was like, wow, man, that fucking movie is 21 years old. And when I was just seeing just the shot of the skyline of Boston, how much it's changed since then, and how much it's gentrified. And gentrifying as Boston is that the white people became even whiter for most of those areas.

And then I watched the beginning of Papillon, the original, with Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman. And then I fell asleep and just fucking woke up in Germany. It's not that bad, man. It was not that bad a fight. But here was the problem. I landed in Munich and had a connecting flight to Cologne, and they gave me a fucking one-hour window to catch it. An 11-hour flight, and you're going to give me a one-hour window. I was like, before I even got on the plane, I'm like, there's no fucking way I'm going to make that thing. So much shit, just a cunt hair of a headwind for 11 hours, and I'm going to miss it.

And I missed it. So I had to fucking sit there in Munich at the goddamn airport for like fucking three hours, waiting for the last little Southwest flight I had to take. It was like an hour flight up to Cologne. Wasn't that bad, though, but I mean, I was cracking me up. It was making me think about the way they play football now, where before halftime you score a touchdown, you're down by a point, and rather than going for the extra point, they do dumb shit, let they go for a two-point conversion. And then they don't get it. Rather being tied up, they're down by one, and then the end, you know, there's some conty thing.

You know, you're down by four points instead of three, and now you're going to score a touchdown. That was the travel version of that. So anyways, I got to tell you, I never think about World War II until I come over here. I watched that Ken Burns The War, which was like a 90 fucking part, each one was like one hour long, about the war. And every time I fly over here, it's not until I get over Great Britain, and you just think about those spits, fires, and the Blitzkrieg, and all of that shit, Winston Churchill. Then you come onto the mainland, you start thinking about the Battle of the Bulge, Dresden, all of this fucking shit. And I was actually watching this documentary here, and it was in German, so I couldn't tell.

I was like, wow, they're fucking, they're also talking about World War II. I figured they'd want to shy away from it. You know what I mean? The same way I don't watch highlights from last year's Super Bowl. I don't want to see those Eagles win either, right? But they were talking about, I could tell what they were talking about, because I'd heard about it before, it was this top secret. Now, basically a jet, that they were just on the verge of like developing, which just would have been a fucking game changer. How far ahead Germany was with all of their technology? I remember hearing, I've just talked about this shit before, like if you killed a German soldier as an American,

you dropped your machine gun and picked up theirs, as with like fucking liquid cool or something like that. I remember hearing some German tank commanders saying one Tiger was better than three Shermans, but the Americans always had four. You know, typical us, we just treated it like a food court. We just piled on, instead of the food, it was a weaponry, and we were able to get them. But some historians thought, I want to look up this fucking jet. First, German jet World War II. Yeah, this fucking thing. And it looked just like the Spitfire, but it had like two jet engines on it. So the only thing I could think like, what the fuck, how quickly that thing could get up on you,

what would you try to be like Tom Cruise in that drug movie where you just slow down, and the feds got to keep going by you. You know, I think that works if somebody's not trying to fucking shoot you out of the sky. So I think that that's probably what they focus on over here. They focus on how good their weapons were, rather than their, you know, missteps in society. It was called the Mieser-Schmiedt-Mies 262, nicknamed the Schwalbe. I'm sure I'm saying this one. It's German for the swallow. Was the world's first operational jet-powered fighter aircraft? That's what it was.

Like basically a jet-powered fucking two-seater. Design work started before World War II began, but problems with the engine, which means people died testing it out. The Mieser-Schmiedt-Mies 262 is faster and more heavily armed than any allied fighter, including the British jet-powered Gloucester Meteor. Look at that big clunky hunk of shit. I mean, I shouldn't talk. The Americans didn't have one. But Jesus, is that an ugly-ass fucking plane? The German one doesn't look bad.

It just looks like they're, what did they have? The English had the Spitfire. I don't forget what the, we had the Cadillac. I don't, I don't fucking know a shit about this stuff. But anyways, I was watching. I found that, that was definitely interesting. And you know what is, you know, how they always make fun of the ignorant American, the fat American and all that shit. What is the through-line of country behavior? Is people getting off an international flight and doing that fast walk? I mean, you see people cutting off old people and all of this shit, just trying to not get in, you know, trying to get as far up, you know, to get through customs as possible. It's really fucking horrific. I always laugh thinking like, where are you going? You know, where the fuck is anybody going? It's already another flight in front of you.

You know, you're going to get there first and you'll be first in fucking line. Maybe it works. I don't know. I don't, life's too short to run through a fucking airport with your luggage. If you're not trying to catch a plane, you're already landed. What are you doing? Just sit on your phone, play a little fucking Solitaire and then talk to the guy up there, you know. I didn't know what to say because, you know, I landed, when I landed in Munich, I didn't know, usually I have work papers. And I was sitting there thinking like, ah, fuck man, I don't have any fucking work papers. And I get up there. So I try to look all chill and shit, right? The lady doesn't ask me anything and the guy behind her is like training.

He's like, oh, I've seen, I've seen, I've seen, I've seen. And I'm like, he's just trained it, man. He's just trained it. And I'm working up this lie in my head that I'm meeting my wife in Cologne, Germany, and she's coming over from London. Could, could it be any more convoluted? Like, really? You guys are beginning your European vacation in Cologne, Germany. Do you have family there? Did they just put up a new fucking Ferris wheel? Are you going to that fucking giant whorehouse there? Which I didn't know existed. Had no idea that fucking thing existed until I fucking looked up things to do in Cologne because I got a whole day tomorrow.

I just want to go out and buy a pair of fucking Adidas over here that they don't have stateside. I'm not looking for 20 floors of whores here. Um, anyways, uh, so I make it through. They stamped my passport. I think I'm all good. And then this fucking cop is just like, uh, Guten tag, hello. And I'm like, hey, what's up? He goes, uh, where you going? I want to be with the fuck are you going? What the fuck you mean? What am I doing?

He already stamped the fucking thing. So then I tell him the stupid shit about my wife coming over. He goes, uh, is this the only place you're going to be in a job? I was like, I mean, Cologne, Munich, Berlin, where else? And I'm like, Warsaw, Prague, Hungary. He goes, how long are you going to be over here? Like until the 14th. He's like, of January. I was like, yeah.

Then I'm like, and he starts walking towards this door with my passport. I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. Here we go. Right. And then he just turns around and gives it to me. And I was just like, all right. So then I text my fucking tour guy over here. I was like, do I need work papers? And he's like, no, you're all good.

So I went through that whole fucking, uh, what was that movie there? With that fucking guy. He has the drugs taped to him. I can't remember fucking anything. I ended up having that moment. I didn't even need to. Um, so anyway, so I'm here, um, uh, I'm obviously jet lag, but, uh, my hour is ready to go. And I plan on kicking the shit out of people right through Europe. And this is going to be a thrash.

So my only thing I need to do is I need to get my kiddo, some shell toes, get my wife, some sneakers to get myself some sneakers. And other than that, all I do when I go to new countries, because I don't like clutter is I, you know, that little flag you buy that people sell in their coat. I just buy that thing. And I've never sold them on to anything. I just keep them in a little plastic bag.

Um, which by the way, I saw this thing where people try to break the record to see all the country, go to every country in the fucking world. Um, first of all, I, it's like, what country do you come from where your country doesn't have beef with any other nation? You know what I mean? Jesus Christ. The way that they're fucking whacking people nowadays. Um, but anyways, like some people have done it by the time they're like in their 20s. Then I read this one guy was saying, ah, sorry, that he started to do it.

But then after, you know, he got up to 120 something countries and he realized that he wasn't traveling. He wasn't seeing anything. He was just going there and just, you know, you know, flying all the way to China and getting like a fucking, you know, some fucking shrimp fried rice and then just flying on to fucking Thailand and doing whatever the fuck he did there. You know, stand next to an elephant and take a picture. So it's like not traveling is what the guy was saying.

So I don't know my babbling right now. I probably have fucking jet lagged here. Um, oh my God. Did you guys see, I'm going to try to get more into like pop culture to expand the reach of my podcast. Oh my God. Madonna went up at this, this legendary gay club and showed off what some people were saying with a brand new ass. Trying to say she got ass implants.

All right. And I'm like, okay, you know, why the fuck would you get a brand new ass in your 60s? Why would you get a new ass anyways? I don't understand that one. You know what I mean? I mean, I don't really understand the tits. I don't understand taking anything and putting it in your body. Uh, that you can't kind of get rid of, you know what I mean?

Shit it out. I mean, I fucking, what do you know? I got to see what those fucking things look like. But anyway, some's going like, oh my God, she's lost her fucking mind. And then I find out that she has a new album coming out. Nobody's really been talking about her. It was fucking brilliant. I bet it wasn't even real.

She just went down to a joke shop, you know, their phony British accent. Right. And I put this fake ass in the back of me pants. Promote me new album. Um, what's your new albums? What's a new album called huh? Songs about coming. Something about some about some about sex.

Anyways, let's see. Fake ass implants. Let's see what these things look like. Are these like, oh my fucking God. Oh my God, what enough? Oh, those are tits. That was somebody's ass. I'm like, why is there so much space in the butt crack?

It was cleavage. Um, all right, this is just all calling out people with butt implants. This is something that guys get blamed for. And you know, this is chicks. Just this is classic. Check on chick hate. And they're going to fucking. They're going to fucking trash.

I want to see what it looks like. Oh my God. Oh my God. What the fuck? That can't be fucking real. I don't understand why why do people do shit like this to themselves? Because of the pressure. The fucking media.

That's not the pressure. You gave into it. All right. There's a lot of pressure out there to have a full head of fucking wavy hair. You know, this fucking transparent fucking jackass doesn't give into it. What the fuck are you? You know, fucking blame society. All right.

What do ass implants look like? Google must be like, oh my God, this guy's dumb. I want to know what they look like. People feel butt implants. Oh my God. They're just like those giant silicone fucking things. He's fucking lazy assholes. Just go do some squats.

Go do some squats and just admit that you're not fucking Jennifer Lopez. Whoever the fuck has the best ass right now. Anyways, dude, I should do that. I've been threatening to get hair plucks right out here in Eastern Europe. You know, I'm not Eastern Europe yet, but what I consider Eastern Europe, anything that was behind the Communist block. When I go to fucking the other side of Berlin, the east side of Berlin, I'm going to get some fucking stem cell shot in my head and I'm going to come back with this ridiculous

fucking lion's mane of ginger hair. And you guys are all going to be like, oh my God, what the fuck? Did you guys see Bill's fucking hair plugs? And eventually they'll be like, hey, man, he's got a new special coming out. I'm going to fucking, I mean, Madonna's the master at it. You know, I'd be lucky to stick around for half as long as she has. So I mean, if that's what you got to do, maybe I should do it. You know what, guys, I don't watch Fight Club because it triggers me.

It makes me not like my body. And I just feel like Brad Pitt is just, he's just, he's, what do they say? He's just setting the bar too high. I can't, like, I just don't understand why nobody calls these women out. What fucking self-involved are you that you're looking at a movie star and you start thinking like, oh, I have to compete with that? No. No, just appreciate, compete with that.

You're not even in the same fucking solar system as that. I can throw a football, but I don't look at an NFL quarterback and be like, why does he have to throw it so hard? Why does he have to be so accurate? Anyways, Jesus Christ, the internet, my God, comedians from a fellow comedian, please stop attacking other comedians. What are we doing? We need to circle the wagons here.

Jesus fucking Christ. Don't comedians get enough shit? We're going to sit here and fucking attack each other? The fuck are we doing? I feel like this is like at the end of the Blair Witch, when those kids kept ending up in the same place in the woods and they were losing their fucking minds. This is what's going on for the life of me. I just don't understand how a comedian could trash another comedian publicly like that.

I mean, amongst your friends, you got this guy as a hack, this guy stinks, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I like this guy. Everybody does that and every fucking. But to go on there and then to actually talk about what subjects should or shouldn't be discussed. I mean, there's like comedians out there. They sound like Tipper Gore back in the 80s when she was freaking out about hair metal. I think there's bigger problems in the world than someone going on stage, trying out new jokes that he's not putting out to the world.

He's just working on them. That's all that was happening. Jesus Christ, I think some of the fucking shit I've said on stage. Just fucking around. And it leads to something. It's part of it. That's like somebody saying like listening to the first version of a hit song going, oh my God, that fucking sucks.

It's like, yeah, well, we're working on it. How the fuck could somebody fucking, everybody's acting like, not everybody, but there's people out there that were acting like fucking. My God, they're acting like soccer moms. It's just a fucking weird goddamn time. And anyways, it's hard enough right now to try to avoid a fucking scandal you're not even looking for. We don't need to be attacking each other, right? So God bless all the comedians out there.

God bless whatever the fuck it is they're trying to do. They're trying to be funny. You know, and let these fucking non-comedians say what you should and you shouldn't joke about. Let them sound stupid like that. That's fucking Christ. You remember Tipper Gore? Remember that lady way back in the day? Poor Al.

Can you imagine that? I bet he listened to all that. I bet he listened to Motley Crue and all of them back in the day. I wish I could do a fucking Al Gore impression. That'd sink fucking kickstart my heart in the Al Gore voice. All right, let me, I had a set the other night at the comedy store. Late night. And I was just in a stupid mood.

And the piano player was laughing and I just started playing to him. And I said like two or three fucking things that I would never, I would never put in a special. I would never ever, it was just, and it wouldn't, it wouldn't even have worked in that room at like eight, nine o'clock at night, nine, 10 o'clock. But once you go on the other side of midnight, it just becomes like a different fucking thing. Now, all right, if anyone were to film that, whatever the fuck it is I was talking, what the fuck did I talk about? Don't say it, don't say I fucking say it, right? One of those sets. If all of a sudden now somebody at eight in the morning is eating their toast and then somebody says it, you know what I mean?

It's like for as much as a dick as I am, you know, if I go to church, if I ever go to church, I go like once a fucking year. When I go there, I don't act the way I act at the fucking comedy store nor would I. And I wouldn't feel like if what I said at the comedy store I then said in a church, if people got offended, I wouldn't then feel like I was having a Lenny Bruce moment and I was fucking being censored. Yeah, there's a time and a place for things and it's just like, you know, to just fucking take somebody, they're working on their shit. Doing what they're supposed to be doing. And then you take it and fucking throw it in everybody's face at nine in the morning on Twitter. Everybody said, what the fuck? It's like Jesus fucking Christ.

I don't know. It's a really people just to let you know, making jokes about really dark things. A lot of times is a way to avoid the pain. It doesn't mean you don't care about it. It's really the way it is such like page one of comedy. And if you don't understand that, then you don't know what you're talking about. And you really need to stand down. I think anyways, there's my little fucking two cents of it. Jesus fucking Christ.

I can't I can't fucking imagine. I can't ever fucking imagine telling a comic what the fuck they should be saying on stage. Yet let alone trying to incite other people who aren't comedians to fucking share that point of view. If I did that evidently nowadays, I would be a progressive liberal. It used to be the hardcore right. What is going on? The world has gone mad. Down is up.

Up is down. Black is white. What the fuck? All right, darling, shake them. And I'm not trashing anybody. I'm just fucking saying guys, don't fucking pick on each other. We're going to get enough shit out there evidently from butthurt alley over there. All right.

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Oh, Jesus, it flies by. Liverpool got their first loss of the year. I missed the game. I couldn't find it here. I was watching some sort of soccer over here where they had this really small net. What is it? Indoor soccer? It looked like it was outside. And there was some sort of basketball going on.

And all they were doing was speaking in German. Everybody was talking in German. And then the crowd was chanting defense in English. It's weird. It's weird the words that come, you know. I mean, I guess I use Blitzkrieg. Do I? I don't think I do.

Anyways, yeah, so I just been, I couldn't find the fucking game. Congratulations to Man City. I didn't realize, I know it was like a huge deal when they won an understatement a few years ago. They came out of fucking nowhere and won the whole goddamn thing. And I guess they handled Liverpool pretty nicely. Some sort of controversial fucking goal. I don't know what happened, but the way my brain works is like, fuck, when do we play these guys again? We got to figure out how to beat them or we're going to lose in the playoffs.

And then it's just like, oh wait, they don't have playoffs. It's just the end of the year whoever has the most points, whatever the fuck they call it. Which I can't quite, do you get three points for a win and one for a decision? I don't fucking know. Dude, I'm still fucking jet lag. I just was on YouTube and I think I just learned how to play snooker. But anyways, then you know, they don't have to fucking play. They're like loose to them every time they fucking play them, but still win the whole thing.

Makes no fucking sense. Anyways, I got to kill a day tomorrow here in Cologne, Germany. What is there to do here? Is there a good sneaker store here? I don't want to go to like the Adidas stores. They're a place where they have like, you know, a bunch of different like, you know, Adidas that you wouldn't get at the Adidas store. They're like a undefeated type store. You know what I mean?

One of those types of stores, you know what I mean? The ones with the super, super fucking crazy sneaker head type fucking people go to. That's what I want to go to. Because I have to come back with some original shit. I can't just come back with a pair of run DMC looking fucking shell toes that, you know, my wife and kid could have got down the fucking street at the mall. You know what I mean? Help me out if you can. Send me a tweet. All right.

All right. I think that's it. God bless you all. Thank you to everybody who's coming out to my show tomorrow night. I'm so psyched to be over here with one of my great friends in the world, Paul Verzi club soda Kenny. We're going to have a great time over here and thank you to everybody that's coming out to the shows. Yeah, that's it. I'm really looking forward to this. And I don't know, it feels weird to end on something positive, but I think I'm going to.

All right, so have a great weekend, you cunts, and I'll check in. I'll talk to you on Monday. Enjoy the music and there'll be another half hour greatest hits from a Thursday afternoon podcast from some fucking Thursday earlier this year or years ago. I have no idea. Yeah. Hey, what's going on? It's bill bar and it is the Monday morning podcast from Monday, January 3rd, 2011. Did you guys have a nice New Year's?

I hope you had a nice holiday seriously before I before I say cunt for the first time on a podcast this year officially that one wasn't official. That was just me stating it like in a court of law. As in I asked the defendant where he was coming from and he told me quote to go fuck myself. See, that lawyer is not saying is saying the F word but it's it's not. That example made no goddamn sense whatsoever. Anyways, I hope you guys all had a merry Christmas and a happy New Year and all that now that you're back at work. You know, is this a weird this is a weird week. This is another weird week last week was the weird depressing week unless you're a college student or something or or you know kid you're living at home or some shit then it's great.

You got time off from school. Everything's awesome. You go and sledding. Right. You make an ice balls. You're throwing them at the fat kid down the street. Right. The ice ball fucking snowball.

Right. Put a nice chunk of ice in there. You pack it with some pottery stuff and you say hey fatty. You want to have a snowball fight. Right. Oh my God. They're finally including me. Jesus.

It's been so rough since July when they laughed at my mantits down at the town pool. And he thinks he's included. Right. I love all the mean fucks who are laughing at this right now. And then what do you do? Bring him over right. He throws a couple of fucking Colorado snowballs on that powdery shit at you. And then you fucking set him up like Pat Patterson when he took out the fucking brass knuckles when he beat Ted D.

Biasi for the Intercontinental Championship in 1980. But you knew that. Maybe it was 81. I don't fucking remember. Right. And you fucking nailed that fatty right in the side of his head. He goes down. He cries half his face goes numb.

He gets bell palsy from laying in that half frozen puddle and all your friends laugh. You don't even help him up. And he's laying there in his dirty orange fucking puffy coat that he just got for Christmas. Where does he go? He goes back inside and sits down and plays fucking video games until he's 30. Six. And that's the first time he discovers Craigslist, you know, with the quivering voice and trembling fingers.

He picks up the old rotary phone. I don't know where I'm going with this. I think initially I was going to make fun that kids don't even do this shit anymore because they're too busy being inside playing video games and then just sort of spun off to a vignette of my childhood. You know what's funny is that that whole thing never really happened. I was on both sides of that snowball. Jesus, that was pathetic.

You know, I think it's important in life to remember that at some point you were on the wrong side of an ice snowball. Am I really just going to do the mock gay voice to just get out of every difficult comedy moment? I think I'm going to. I've been doing it for the first three years of this podcast. People, do you understand that I am basically about a year and a half away from being five years into this podcast and actually getting to do a reunion show with myself?

You know, thicker head of hair, five pounds lighter, just as much as a douche. Just as much of a douche. That's something in 2011. I would like to have more sentences that make sense. Do you guys make any new year's resolutions? Well, I can't hear them. So shut up. Are you an idiot?

You're going to sit there and rattle them off? Look at that goddamn cubicle. You're really going to sit in that fucking thing for another year. Are you? That's right. Look down in shame at your belt buckle. That snazzy little belt buckle that you bought that you thought would set off your suit. You know, make people see at the gas station standing there thinking that you actually have

some sort of a fucking desk where you can look across at somebody else where you wheeled a little bit of power. This is actually creeping me out. I don't want to make somebody do something crazy. It's okay. A cubicle is just a stepping stone to a cubicle that's even larger. And then one day being the final three people to get the corner office and then you realize that you've been replaced by a fucking robot.

Speaking of which, I got to find this email that somebody sent me. It's organized. I would have heard it, but no. In the meantime, my goals this year is I'm finally going to rehab the fucking torn abdomen muscle that I fucked up at a pirate's game. I'm going on three fucking years. Three years ago, I tried to show that I could go into the pike position at 40 years of age. Okay.

God damn it. I did it, but I didn't stretch and I think I talked to you guys about this right after I did it. God damn it. I've been doing the podcast long enough. Go back to like July of 2008 somewhere in there. I went to a pirate's game when I was working the Pittsburgh improv and I wanted to show off what great shape I was in.

And here I am three years later still dealing with two and a half years later still dealing with that. What the hell is it? Oh, they are watching. Yes. So anyways, let me, let me, uh, before I get into the conspiracy theory, uh, which I took a break from in 2010 because I wanted to actually enjoy my life. Um, yeah, I want to rehab it.

Anybody can give me some web MD free advice. Come on. There's got to be a personal trainer out there. I know when you tear an abdomen muscle, you're supposed to rest it. And then after you rest it from one to four weeks in court, according to my stomach hurts and I don't know why.com, you're supposed to rest it for one to four weeks and then begin doing some sort of rehab, which, uh, you know, I don't know how to do it. I found just sitting there in the plank position helps for you yoga people out there.

It's sort of like the pushup position, but you're, you're on your forearms. Um, that seemed to have helped it, but I don't know, I fucked it up the other day and it's really frustrating. It's frustrating. So anyways, um, yeah, I want to rehab that. I want to want to eat better this year and I want to continue to not drink for as long as I can. I'm going for a hundred days.

I'm going for 100 days. In fact, listen to this fuck goes. I went to, uh, I went to the Rose Bowl this year and I did not drink. I did not drink and I know there's a lot of you who are disappointed that I didn't drink because you want me to fill up your life with the hilarious story of me making an ass of myself once again to kick off a new year. Well, God damn it, I didn't, but I stood around and I watched enough other people fucking do it and I still have plenty of stories and I got the brain cells to remember them.

Um, it's a fucking awesome game. It was Wisconsin versus TCU and, uh, I was like most people like who the fuck is TCU? And then you look in the program, let me go grab the Rose Bowl program. Hang on one second. You guys just sit tight, just relax as I walk across the room, try to find the Rose Bowl program. Oh, here it is. Look at this.

I found it. I really need to get an assist on this podcast. All right. I'm back. So here's the Rose Bowl program and basically the Rose Bowl this year. If you were going to turn it into an awful, you're going to turn it into an awful made for TV movie. This was a, like, I guess it was a story about respect.

All right. In that, you know, people barely respect Wisconsin because they never go to the Rose Bowl. I can't remember the last time they won the big 10 championship, but they finally want it. They want it and, uh, they beat the likes of, uh, let's, let's see who, let's, let's see who they beat. All right. They're fucking season here really quickly. Stop rolling your eyes.

You fucking commie non-sports fan cunt. All right. Start off the year. They beat UNLV. These are the cupcake games early in the year. Then they beat San Jose state, Arizona state. There's a pack 10 team, Austin P. Is that somebody's name?

Did they play like one guy? Uh, then they beat Michigan state. Then they beat Minnesota. They beat Ohio state, right? Big 10, Iowa, Purdue. You've heard of these teams. Indiana, Michigan. One of those teams they actually lost to, but I went by too quickly.

Northwestern, you know, they've played some fucking teams. TCU on the other hand, didn't play shit. So in case you're down there and outside of Dallas, Texas, Texas Christian, oh Jesus university. And you're wondering why no one gives a fuck about the mountain West program. I want you to write me and tell me just exactly. Okay. Oregon state.

That's pack 10. That's Tennessee tech. This is their undefeated season. They beat Oregon state, Tennessee tech, Baylor, SMU, Colorado state, Wyoming, BYU, Air Force, UNLV, Utah, San Diego state, New Mexico. That was their undefeated season. They're sitting there scratching the top of their fucking heads, wondering why they're that people are questioning their record.

All right. So here's the deal. I'm sitting there going. All right. I like this big 10, even though the big 10 isn't what it used to be, considering they went on when five on fucking New Year's Day. Who doesn't like an underdog? So I'm going, well, fuck it, man.

I'm going to roof a TCU, even though they have Christian, oh Jesus, in the middle of fucking name, which you know what that means. They automatically think they're better than everybody else. And Jesus loves us best, despite the fact that they're preaching that everybody needs to be more understanding like Jesus. Somehow they miss the irony of the fact that they feel like they're the chosen ones. Like all stupid fucking religions do, right? Jewish people think they're the chosen ones.

Christians think they're the chosen ones. Muslim thinks that you know what? You guys are all a bunch of douchebags. All right. None of you matter. That's why there's so many of us. If we were special, there'd only be like nine of us. Once there's seven billion of anything.

I mean, we're about, we're not special anymore. Okay. Do you understand that? We're like socks. You know, actually some poor people can afford socks. So socks are still important to some people. You know, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. TCU, they got a fucking Bay and they're bonnet about how nobody's respecting them.

So I'm sitting there. This is before I talked to anybody from TCU. I just saw, you know, purple and black, those are decent colors, man. I like those Wisconsin. I'm looking at all these fatties from Wisconsin, you know, walking around just horrible, horrible shape. I think when, you know, when Europeans look at America and they think of the fat fucks, you know, I think, I don't know, I think they, they send away for a Wisconsin brooch

university brochure every year. I don't know what, because Jesus Christ, those were some healthy fucking people. All right. Evidently, the recession has not hit Wisconsin yet because those people have plenty of money for extra food. So anyway, so I'm sitting there and we start to walk into the game, right? Me and three of my buddies, we're all good. I don't name names on this fucking thing.

We go to walk into this goddamn thing and I start looking around after, after a wonderful tailgate. We really did it up this year. Plenty of booze, which I did not partake in. I brought a 12 pack of water. Go ahead. Email me. Call me a fag.

I don't give a fuck. I feel great. You fucking cunts. Look, I'm still defensive about it. You know, at least I'm one of those, those, those, I'm not a preachy sober person. I'm not going like, you know. Why do you do that? What do you, what are you running from?

I know why you're doing it because it's fucking fun. And I'd still be doing it if my head didn't get three times the size of its usual enormous size. You know, my head when I'm not boozing looks like one of the moons of Jupiter. Okay. I don't, I don't need to continue adding to it, you know, and then have it be like Pluto and then scientists can fucking debate on whether or not it's a fucking planet. All right.

Fucking fucking fucking. There you go. See, I needed the help there. The F word for me is, is my, my, uh, uh, what are those things? The HGH of my fucking comedy. All right. And I will continue to use it and I don't give a shit because they're not banned in my industry.

Um, anyways, so what was I saying? All right. So we had a great tailgate. We show up. I came in the back way this, this, this year. All right. We parked right along the fence. We were right near the clubhouse on the golf course and then you can, I could literally

see one of the lights, you know, that lights up the stadium. So we were right there. There was no way we were getting lost this year. Actually brought a frying pan, brought some eggs. We had burgers, hot dogs, steak. We had shit to throw in the omelets, cheese, everything you want. We had a spatula. We brought tongs.

We had napkins. We had a fucking garbage bag. We had a grill, bag of charcoal, four bags of fucking ice or cool. We had everything. We had fucking corn chips. We had salsa. We had two bottles of mustard, whole jar of fucking pickles, ketchup. We had everything.

We had, we had, we had real forks and steak knives for the stakes. We had everything except for a fucking table. God, next year is going to be the per, every year. Two bottles of crown royal, a case of fucking beer. We, we, we were ready to go. We even had orange juice for the fucking eggs. We were ready to go and we forgot a goddamn table. It's one of the ways we start the day off with one of the best fucking omelets you're ever going to have.

New Year's Day, sitting on a golf course on a sunny day, knowing the rest of the goddamn country snowed in screaming at some ticket agent that they got to get back to Albuquerque before they yak, you know, shits the bed, right? We forgot a goddamn table, which isn't bad when you're eating an omelet, but when you're eating a fucking steak that's an inch and a half thick that's been cooked at best rare. It's supposed to be medium rare, okay? It was, it was just medium rare. What happens is you got it on a paper plate and as you use pressure to cut into that,

it creases in the middle and you see this puddle of, of, of grease. It just starts coming. It comes close to your balls and then goes away, just like the tide coming in and you're sitting there going, you know, I really should just drip the rest of this grease down into the grass, kill a couple of ladybugs and then continue on with the eating process, but it tastes so fucking good. You go, you know what, I think I can do it one more time. And then you do it and what happens? It fucking rolls right off onto your jeans.

And you haven't noticed, I don't give a fuck what you spill, where you spill it. You could have your arms outstretched. If you spill any sort of liquid, it not only does it land in your crotch, it lands right at the head of your dick. So it always looks like you pissed your pants. So that's what I look like. I had grease on the front of my pants. And meanwhile, I'm sitting here watching all these Wisconsin fans walking around

and they got these candy striped fucking overalls. They look like Richard Simmons shorts. If you fucking mugged them and cleaned out his closet of early 80s fucking gay ass running shorts ever and you somehow turned them into overalls. You know, be one thing if women were wearing them, that'd be kind of hot, right? But there was a bunch of guys wearing them too. They all look like, they look like, they look like a juggler's convention. It's the best way to put it.

So I'm sitting there going, man, I like the big 10. I want a roof for Wisconsin. And then every once in a while, because it seemed to be like 80%, 75%, maybe 70 at the smallest Wisconsin fans and then TCU. So, you know, who doesn't like an underdog? So I start walking towards the stadium, right? And I'm thinking, you know, I'm going to go for TCU. Fuck this. I hope this little mountain west, whatever the fucking, I don't know what conference they're from.

Huh? I hope these guys win. And I start going up to the stadium and one of my buddy's elbows mean he turned around and he points to these TCU fans. And this guy is wearing brown loafers, these light purple, like corduroy dockers with the TCU emblem. And then like a v-neck sweater and like these Ray Bonn fucking risky business sunglasses on. And he, I like, if you, if you were casting a movie, do you guys see Facebook, that Facebook social network? Do you know how like the Harvard guys were? This is what this guy looked like.

And I was like, oh my, are you serious? Is this guy an anomaly? Or is this really what TCU was all about? And my buddy literally goes to me, he goes, that's it. I'm rooting for Wisconsin. You know, I look at this fucking guy and I, and I was sitting there going, you know what, I think he's right. No, no, no, maybe it's just this one fucking guy. And then I see another guy.

He has on a purple fucking blazer with gold buttons, a white shirt, some pleated slugs and loafers to the game. And all of a sudden I started looking at these, it's not all of them, but a good 15% of them are dressed this way. Looking like those rich kids who fucking, you know, air quote, accidentally kill their date, you know. And then they say it was consensual because she wanted rough sex too. And their daddy has enough fucking money to get them out of it. That's what they started looking like. So I'm like, holy shit. Fuck this.

I'm rooting for Wisconsin. Now we're in the crush to get in the game. And I look in front of me and there's this pasty fat fuck. Wisconsin fan in front of me with the Wisconsin hat turned around and I don't know if it was dry skin or eczema. He had a perfect band of it going around the back of his, you know, his hairline at the back of his head. And the flakes of it were on the back of his sweatshirt. I know, I hope you're not eating. Okay, so I'm looking at him going, oh, horrified.

Absolutely horrified. And then I'm turning around. I'm looking at these fucking slack and sport coat wearing douchebags. And at that point, I didn't know who I was for. I was actually hoping that during the flyover, one of the jets would go into the crowd and they could just start all over again. It was, it was horrific. Worst group of fans I've seen in, in three years. Granted, I was sober this time and I could actually remember this.

So I go into the stadium, right? And lo and behold, I'm in the TCU section, right? And I'm like, okay, I don't know if I like this. And I just, and I'll sign it here, start here. TCU. This girl, like three rows back. TCU. Come on frogs.

Come on frogs. And I go frogs. They had the fucking, I didn't know what they were. You gotta give it to Wisconsin. Badger is a badass fucking animal. TCU horn frogs. Okay. And, and their mascot look, I don't, it looks like something out of like that, that Star Wars bar scene, you know.

And again, it's go frog. Come on TCU. TCU. And I'm looking at the girls and they, they, they have their jeans tucked into their cowboy boots. Like they're in that band, great white, you know. And then on top, they have like these dime store Dolly Parton cowboy hats on. And I was like, oh my God, I fucking hate these people. And at that point, I was sitting right in the middle of them.

And I immediately just became a Wisconsin fan. Now, in defense of TCU, I think if I was hanging in the Wisconsin section, I would root, I would have rooted for TCU. I would have rooted for TCU. You know, in the middle of me just screaming that TCU, come on frogs. I can't tell if Nia just laughed or the guy downstairs yelled at me. Oh, that's a dog. Okay, my fault. Or it's Mel Blank.

Could anybody imitate a dog barking better than that guy? Anyways, let's plow ahead here. So then I just sat there and just was rooting for Wisconsin. And I just wanted, and I just, another thing too that is really fucking annoying about TCU fans. Okay, is no matter what's going on during the game, they have a reason to fucking put their hands in the air so you can't see the fucking game. Anytime it was third down, they had this gay little thing where, you know, you make the I'm okay sign. They would do that, signifying third down. And then they would just sort of shake their hands like, just in case you don't know what down it is.

You know, everybody. So it's like third down. And anybody who watches football knows third down is a really important fucking down as a fan who paid a fuckload for the ticket. You want to see what happened. And these fucking idiots are so busy going to the loo. You couldn't see anything. Then not to mention this fat whore in front of me who from the size of her should have been a Wisconsin fan. But then again, I've been to Houston, Texas.

Okay, those people like their barbecue too. These are the people that really make America look bad. It's the fucking middle of the country. You goddamn people. I don't know what your problem is. It's because you're landlocked. Don't they have swimming pools where you people could do a couple of laps. People on the coast are in shape.

All right, Seattle all the way down to San Diego. These motherfuckers are in shape. Go ahead. San Diego, go right up to coast. Los Angeles, San Francisco, or Portland, Oregon, they're in shape. Seattle, they're in shape. Vancouver, I even leave the country and they're fucking in shape. You start getting out there in Nebraska, Iowa, Wisconsin.

Fucking people are horrific. Other than Florida, Florida doesn't count. All right, Florida is, I don't know what it is. It's like the ball bag. Everybody says it looks like a dick to me. It looks like a fucking 56 year old scrotum. They just hang in there after the dick got lopped off. Anyways, so they handed out the like, like them doing that third down thing wasn't enough.

They handed out these fucking little purple like rags. Okay. First of all, stealing from the Pittsburgh Steelers. That's the terrible towel. They steal that. And then on them, it said fear the frog, which they stole from Maryland. Fear the turtle, right? The first school to actually admit that they have a bad name, a bad mascot fucking name.

So then what they would just fucking fat whore in front of me. I swear to God, every goddamn play. Okay. Her fucking team would be, we had end zone seats where it was in the other end zone at Wisconsin's 10 yard line, trying to drive in for a score. Okay. They're, they're 90 yards away if you're standing on the goal line. Forget about being 40, 50 fucking rows up in the goddamn stand and she would be sitting

there as she's talking to a friend too. That's what killed me. Classic brought it again. She's sitting there shooting the shit, you know, she probably went there for the tournament of fucking roses and she just kept it. I finally, I tapped her on her fleshy shoulder and she immediately took it as I was saying, put it down. I said, can you just wave that?

Can you wave it more in your, like in front of you? Which, this is the funniest thing ever. She does and immediately realizes that when she does it, she can't see the fucking game. Welcome to my world, you fat whore. That's what I've been dealing with for the last three fucking quarters. So then what she did was she then switched it into her left hand. Okay. Because not only is she a fat whore, she's a dumb fat whore.

Okay. In the first moment when I tapped her, she was like, oh, this guy must be a Wisconsin fan. You know, because he's telling me to put it down. Then she realizes, oh, it's in his way. Then she waves it in front of her face and realizes, oh, now I can't see. And you would think at that point, light would dawn on our fucking fat head and she'd be like, oh, I get it. If I wave this thing, people behind me can't see the fucking game, not this fat whore,

not this one. She fucking puts it in the left hand and starts waving like that, like that's the solution. Like she doesn't notice that there's another fucking 80,000 fans to her fucking left. It was the worst. And it's times like those where I just, times like those were made for Taster's choice. Remember that coffee? Just brew up a nice hot pot and you just dump it right over her fucking head. That's what I would have liked in a perfect world.

And as she screamed from these scalding burns, she would collapse afterwards or maybe pass out. Either way, she would be out of my way. And I got to tell you, that would be the equivalent of three normal Americans who live on the coasts, who live near the ocean. Hey, you know what? I just realized that's how I'm going to make my million dollars. My multimillion dollars so I can parachute out of this goddamn business. I've been trying to come up with some bullshit that I could sell for 1995 late at night.

I think I just did. I'm going to sell ocean water and little salt shakers for 1995. That's what I'm going to do. And I'm just going to go, have you ever noticed how people who live on the coasts of this country are in shape? And I'll just show a bunch of good looking people running down the street with their knees nice and high, like the Wisconsin fucking marching band, which was the shit. Just running down the fucking street. You know, high stepping it.

And then the white version of high stepping, which is basically bring our knees up to our waist as opposed to the grambling black version, where you basically, you know, you couldn't do it in a dome stadium because you would break your fucking toes. Whatever, black people, we're trying. We're trying. Anyways, so, uh, yeah, I would sell that. And I would just say, and then you get, you know, are you tired of being fat in the middle of the country? And just so somebody has sent a bun taking a bite out of it and then just looking at the camera like, you know, throwing their arms up. Like, yeah, I am sick of being a fat fuck, you know, you know, they have sent a buns on the east coast wired on the west coast.

Why are they fat fucks? And I'll just, I just spin it. It's because they live near the ocean and they're smelling that salt water in the air. And I'll just make up a bunch of shit. I'll pay off some fucking people in the FDA. It doesn't seem like a hard thing to do considering half the drugs that get approved nowadays. And I'll just say it's because of smelling salt water air that you're able to eat Cinnabun and shed off those fucking pounds. And I'll sell it like little bottles of fucking cologne to every fatty in the fucking Midwest.

And I'll make my money. And then I'm going to move to Denmark. And I'm going to pay 90% taxes yet have free health insurance and, you know, and a little Vespa. I'm going to go around those little fucking, those little streets out there. I'm trying to put together a Scandinavian tour, by the way, this year. I'm really looking forward to that. So there you go. You know, something like you, I also lost interest halfway through that.

So that was a Rose Bowl for me this year. I didn't drink. I had a, I had a fucking awesome time. I remembered the game. Congratulations to Tacey. Let's go frogs. Congratulations to you. Horribly, horribly dressed human beings, just horribly dressed trash, white trash is the only way to describe what I saw out there.

You guys really looked like you never left the greater Dallas area. You know, I'm going to go out on limb here and I'm going to say I'm never going to get an opportunity to perform at that school. And if I ever get an offer, I'm going to be really suspect of it. Thinking that they actually listened to this podcast. Oh my God, the dime store fucking. Women, women all dressed like that Dolly Parton movie best little whorehouse in Texas, except they were serious. They probably put on my best hat for this one. I saw a guy actually took a picture of him.

Or did I zoom into him? I have some video. I got to give it to my web guy of this guy. He was dressed in a suit with a big black Stetson looking like fucking JR Ewing stand in, you know, if it was the early 80s, I would, he would have looked good, you know, but it's fucking 2011 dude. It's time to let that go. You're fucking oilman slash coke dealer. Look from fucking 1981 30 years later, you're still rocking that look like dead serious, dead serious. These are the kind of people that think like there's that you can cure homosexuals.

You know, and, you know, like when those country singers like need a hit, so they just write a song about how great America is. And the two, and the fans are too dumb to see through the fact that they're just trying to make money. You know, I like America. And if you don't like it, the fuck out. Because it's the best goddamn nation, even though the schools will go down the shitter and just ignoring everything. Speaking of which, I got a great underrated overrated here this week that somebody sent in and, you know, you guys know I'm a moron. So I couldn't put it any better than this guy. This guy says overrated the new year on TV.

Every fucking year, all these celebrities come on and say how amazing the new year is. How is it? How is it any more amazing than the last the population is still rising and people are just getting more fucking stupid and fat. You know, for comedic purposes, you sort of said more fat, more fucking fat and stupid. See the alliteration. More fucking stupid and fat. You know, that's just like, you know, after you've gone down the roller coaster, you've gone down, tucking the big drop. You get those little ones that don't even scare you, those little bunny hills. But if you say more fucking fat and stupid, fucking fat, you get two of those in a row.

That's like, that's like going right down the big one. Anyways, I'll help you out here. The population is still rising and people are getting more fucking fat and stupid. The banks are still stealing our money, our money, spelled A-R-E, our money, and the politicians still lie. I don't see how it is anything more than depressing and pathetic. Love your special. Thank you. Yeah, I agree with you.

100% agree with you. To the point, it's so fucking depressing that I just got a dog a couple of years ago because no one else seems to give a shit. And in the line of that, here's some conspiracy theory for you. Somebody said, Bill, he wrote, they are watching. And I got trashed for talking about conspiracy theory. I've been trashed for talking about those automated checkout lines in the grocery store and saying that I'm paranoid and I'm afraid of technology. And all this technology is just going to help my life and make my life more easier. And why don't you trust these big fucking corporations, basically?

It's the shit that people are giving me. The same way people gave me shit for trashing the jets. Saying that the jets, you know, haven't done anything, so I don't know why they're fucking Super Bowl favorites. Because the coach said they're going to win every fucking game. This is the best way I can sum up Rex Ryan. Rex Ryan is the Tila Tequila of NFL head coaches. Famous for nothing in particular. He's never won anything.

Yet everybody knows who he is and is hanging on his words like he has something to fucking say. What? Because he dropped 9000 F-bombs on HBO. He's famous for that. He wore a wig in a press conference and we found out he has a foot fetish. Oh yeah, toss him right in there with Chuck Knoll. Fucking ridiculous. By the way, speaking of that, the Steelers finally look like the Steelers.

I thought that they were going to look like when Rathausberger came back. That is a scary ass team. And I know they were just playing the Browns. But when Palomalu is playing, it's an entirely different team. So all you jet fans out there who are excited that you beat that team, I'm telling you. That's a different fucking team. I'm not even excited that the Patriots beat them. Because I just don't think that the Steelers are now starting to click.

And they remind me of a certain giant team from a few years ago that no one was really paying attention to and all of a sudden got hot in December and lo and behold beat the 18 and 0 Patriots. Oh, and speaking of that, my season long bet with Paul Verzi. I want it. I'm psyched. I want it. I basically rattled off six victories in a row against the spread and put Paul Verzi out of his misery. You know, the poor bastard the entire year really felt like he was going to beat me. Just because I had never, I never really gambled because I did it like fucking in 1989. That's the one and only time I did it.

I'd season tickets to the Patriots. We made the playoffs a year before and all of a sudden we were 5 and 11 and I was like fuck this. I'm getting some of my money back for, you know, shelling out 250 bucks for season tickets. That's what you could get back in the day before ESPN overhyped every sport and people who don't even like sports are going to games now. So, yeah, I wanted to get some of my money back and I remember the Buffalo Bills right before they became the Buffalo Bills. They had all those guys. They were a year away from going to their first Super Bowl, you know, four in a row. When in four AFC championships in a row, one of the most underrated accomplishments ever, you know, basically because they got, because they lost four Super Bowls in a row. So, I mean, what do you expect? But anyways, I decided to bet the fucking Buffalo Bills that year.

This is off of memory. This is what gambling does. And I remember that was the one fucking week the goddamn Patriots showed up and won the game so I couldn't even enjoy it. And I lost like 50 bucks, which when you're only making 125 a week is a tremendous blow. So, I never bet again. I never gambled against the spread for like until this year. And Paul Versey, who, you know, has been doing it for years, going, dude, I called it. I did this. I did that. You got beat by a goddamn nerd. I'm just breaking your balls, Paul, because I know you're listening. I know you're listening. All right. So, there you go. I almost went 500 for the year against the spread, which from what I've been told is pretty goddamn decent.

So, yeah, I'm patting myself on the back. Anyways, let's plow ahead here. So, after getting trashed, we're all, you know, talking shit about all these corporations and actually having audacity to think that bankers were all trying to team up and have one world bank, you know, to become the loan sharks for not every, not only individual, but actual countries. Okay. Which is something that I was thinking about when I was at the Rose Bowl, stone sober, and I was sitting there on the golf course. And I was looking at these houses up on the ridge of this hill that actually looked down on the Rose Bowl, the granddaddy of them all. These people have a house that looks down on it.

And I was actually envisioning that those were all bankers up there. And while the game was going on, and 104,000 people or 96,000 who ever showed up for that game were sitting there going fucking crazy. One of those piece of shit bankers up there could put his hand on his son's shoulder and be like, see all those people down there? They owe all of us money. They all owe me money, son. I'm getting a piece of all of their fucking paychecks. They don't even know it. They don't even know that their daddy is looking down on him right now.

Now, had I been drinking, that thought would have probably caused me to, you know, entertain the thought of climbing up that hill and throwing a rock through one of the windows. Which of course I wouldn't have done because even my drunkest, I am aware that I don't want to go to jail and get raped. And secondly, I'm not going to go all the way up that fucking hill. So what I would have done is I probably would have yelled at that kid with the light purple slacks. I would have commented really loud about that dude's fucking eczema flaking off into the back of his goddamn sweatshirt. So anyways, this guy sends me this email and he says, Bill, the days in this blog, when I say they are watching, are big business. Not the Illuminati, but they are just as evil as any bank or secret society. They don't even need your signature. Listen to this shit.

They don't even need your signature for these information gathering traderware programs to monitor everything from where the device is to what your heart rate is. Thanks for giving me something to look forward to on Mondays. Also, I like your Christmas tree. You should turn it into a walking stick now that the holidays are over. You guys are so dumb. You guys are buying shrubs. Do you realize that? Look out your window and look at trees. You can see the trunk, you dumb fucks. It's like, you know, your morons. Look at a shrub. Can you see that you can't? You're buying shrubs that are pruned into the shape of Christmas tree. I had the information from an actual fucking guy last week. All right?

I bought a Christmas tree. You bought a Christmas shrub. So go fuck yourselves. But I like this guy because he sends me this. What is traderware? That's the question I had. Your digital camera may embed metadata into photographs with camera's serial number or your location. Your printer may be incorporating a secret code on every page it prints, which could be used to identify the printer and potentially the person who used it. Now, the fucking morons, the sheep out there would be like, yeah, that's in case you threaten the president. They're just doing it for the good of all people. If Apple puts a particularly creepy patent, I guess Apple's applying for this. Is it recently applied for the use for?

You can look forward to a day when your iPhone may record your voice. Take a picture of your location, record your heartbeat and send that information back to the mothership. This is traderware. Devices that act behind your back and portray your privacy. Now, this is what the moron sheep are going to be to say. Well, if you ain't doing nothing wrong, what's the problem? That's that's the philosophy. That was the philosophy behind why they can record your phone calls now. If you ain't doing nothing, we're tasting you. Come on frogs. You ain't doing nothing wrong. Do you realize how fucking dumb that mindset is? So basically, as long as you do what the people in power tell you what to do, you won't have a problem.

Do you understand how dangerous that is? Do you understand how fucking stupid it is to have that level of faith in the people who rule you? You know what I mean? You haven't noticed how much power can fuck somebody over? Like for some reason, we only seem to focus on when celebrities get famous and then they wig out and start becoming these fucking mini tyrants. For some reason, people don't feel they just have like this because they wave the flag and they play those songs that make you choked up, that they never feel like that they'll have any sort of ulterior motive for this. This is the type of technology that allows a small group of people to take over the world. Something that sociopaths have been trying to do since the beginning of time,

and they were never able to do it because at some point your army would be stretched too thin, right? Germans, the fucking Roman Empire, all that shit. At some point, the fucking Japanese, all of them. Everybody who's ever tried to fucking do it, at some point, it gets stretched too thin. So America, what we've done is we've done the, we're putting this base here to protect you thing, that brilliant thing. That's how we got our world empire. So we just have a base. Then also we have these insane weapons where we can nuke everybody, so we were able to kind of do it that way. But the problem is, is when you really get into sociopathic thought and just like those people who are so into power that it makes their dick hard, is they want to know, they want to be able to see everybody, know what they're thinking and know what they're doing at all times.

Because not only are they psychos, but with that level of power becomes this unbelievable level of paranoia. Like those people with those houses sitting on the ridge looking down into the Rose Bowl, there's a fear. Like we sit there looking up and go, look, they got the fucking world. There was a fear of when you attain that level of wealth of losing all of it. And you begin on this, this quest to quiet your mind. You want, you want to get a level of wealth and control in your life that you are guaranteed that it will never go away in your lifetime or your kids' lifetime or your kids' kids. So basically everybody that you know and love will be okay and you will be okay. You get into that psychotic fucking mindset and you give those kinds of people this level of fucking technology and you're going to have a problem.

I think that's unbelievable that this shit is. So they have this website here, the EFF Electronic Frontier Foundation that is trying to fight these things being put into the cameras, the cell phones and all that shit. Like the fact that there's a tracking device in your cell phone. Like how come we didn't get to vote on that? How come we don't get to vote on that type of stuff? I don't want people knowing where the fuck I am at all goddamn times. Okay, and I don't need you to show me, oh, we caught this fucking child molester with that. So because of that now everybody has to be like, give me a fucking break.

They always have like, you know, there's, you know, a handful of good examples for that level of fucking control. And then there's a zillion bad ones. So I am 100% against this shit. And there's always been evil people in the fucking world. There's always going to be evil fucking people in the world. And when you get, when you have this kind of technology, you're going to, you're going to stop, they're going to stop small evil. Like individual, you know, a fucking serial rapist, which you definitely want to stop. All right, but the price we're going to pay is you're going to allow a Stalin or a Hitler,

Pol Pot, whoever the fuck you wanted that you're going to, with that level of technology, someone like that could get in power and run the fucking world. So, you know, I don't know. And I totally 100% believe that you could roll all your fucking eyes all you want. I honestly believe that. And I also believe that the reason why there's so many of us right now and that the people at the top are not fucking concerned about it. Is because we're all expendable. And when the waters rise up, the temperatures goes up and everything, they're not going to be the ones who are drowning. You can guarantee that they're using our taxpayer money to build some sort of something to make sure that they're okay.

And I think that they're bailout plan because they know they can't stop people from fucking because it feels too goddamn good. And dicks and pussies are readily available to anyone. It's like air, you know. So I think what they're going to gradually do is phase us out with robots and automated shit, which is why I refuse to use it. Now, how fucking crazy do I sound right now? Has there been anything funny in the last fucking five? This is shit that I truly believe. You know, corporations own like the DNA of a grizzly bear.

That's why they don't give a fuck that they're cutting down its habitat. They're like, I will fucking grow another one in a Petri dish. We're trying to take over everything and then wipe out. I think they're going to try to wipe out the poor in the middle class. Keep a couple of us like a small handful of us, you know, the way that pandas are only in like zoos at this point or some shit. I don't know, maybe I picked the wrong fucking animal, but that's the direction I think it's going. All right, there's your first crazy rant, which was based mainly in gut feelings and a couple of emails. But I truly believe that.

And I browsed through enough history. Hey, Cleo, what's up?