Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-17-24

Starting point is 00:00:00 So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour

Starting point is 00:00:38 in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.

Starting point is 00:01:02 Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. All right. Hey, what's going on everybody? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday. What a camera camera we look at Monday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you and as always if we film it That means we have a special guest and that yes, we do. We have a very special guest here I even brought notes Wow. Look at me like fucking Tom Brokaw or Who's that guy? Who's a guy? Barbara Walters Barbara Walters

Starting point is 00:01:43 Who's that guy? Who's that guy? Barbara Walters. Brian Gumbel. No one knows what he's writing. Nope. This guy, as far as I counted, has been nominated for 19 Grammys, won six, which is an incredible average. Four, but I'll take it. Four? Yeah, I'll take six. I like six. Look at all your fucking awards. Look at all your awards. All of that one. That looks like the Canadians in the 50s. He's got a new album out called Hi. Um, I'm not gonna say who his wife is, I don't know why that's on here, and he's married to someone, so, please welcome Keith Urban, everybody. Thank you, Bill.

Starting point is 00:02:16 How are ya? Gosh, you're looking in great shape. Oh, thank you. We were just talking about how both of us slouch, and no matter what shape, well, no matter what shape I get into, I look like I'm 40 pounds overweight, and then everybody calls me Billy Bitch Tits, Billy fucking this, Billy that, it's never complimentary, you know, and I can take.

Starting point is 00:02:33 Are you good with your posture in general? It's hard, right? I've gotten better. Right. I've gotten better. That'd be mindful of it. I had like, no you know what it's got to do, because everything's like internal rotation, driving, being at the computer, you know, everything's like internal rotation, driving, being at the computer.

Starting point is 00:02:46 That's true. Yeah, so what happens is your shoulders, and then everybody, you know, the ego stuff, your bench, your curl, all this shit you can see, you don't work on your back, so what happens is your back gets stronger than the front. This is what I learned through having rotator cuff issues. Your shoulders end up coming in like that. So you know what I've taken? You ever see old Asian guys when they walk?

Starting point is 00:03:09 They walk and they have their hands behind their back like that, like they're pondering something. And I'm thinking like, no, they're like, this brings your shoulders, see look at that, there's the pecs. I fucking sit like this, I'm Billy Bitch Tits, yeah. You went from bitch tits to pecs? That's right. I did a fucking- And it just took posture. If I would just sitting like this. I'm Billy Bitch Tits, yeah. You went from Bitch Tits to Pecs. That's right.

Starting point is 00:03:25 I did a fucking- And it just took posture. If I would just sit like this- You could have saved all that money at the gym and just stood there. I know, if I did this on my podcast, people would accuse me of being on testosterone, which is my goal.

Starting point is 00:03:37 Or being an old Asian man. One of the two. I know. Probably don't get that very much. Well, this is what fascinates me about what you do, is comedians are like, oh, you're doing a tour. I go out and I come back three, four days later.

Starting point is 00:03:50 When you go out, you're like, out. Nope. No? No, it used to be. Because it says until August, according to my sheet here, which was not supposed to be any lies, August 28th is how long this tour is going. Yeah, but I do a few shows and then go home. Do a few shows, go home. So I'm probably going three days in a row.

Starting point is 00:04:06 Oh, okay. Yeah. What about back in the day? Back in, yeah, I'd be going for weeks and months. Australia, highway to hell, right? Well, yeah. The whole middle of the country. Yeah, you're going forever. There's nothing in between. What's the longest tour

Starting point is 00:04:17 you ever did? Have you ever been to Australia? Yeah, I was gonna bring that up. We'll bring it up now. The last time, I've been there a number of times. I am terrified of the ocean, but the beaches are so gorgeous. It's the only time in my life I felt drawn. And I even went there in the wintertime. And I was just, wintertime for you guys anyway, and I was like, I have to go in that water.

Starting point is 00:04:38 And it was all like, it was so rough, it was like foamy. But I was still thinking I need to do it. So when I went out to Perth, I actually just to go in the Indian Ocean. But I was still thinking I need to do it. So when I went out to Perth, I actually just to go in the Indian Ocean. But I've been there like four or five times. I haven't been there since I had kids. It's been real tough to try to get back there. But the last time I went there was Australia Day. Oh, wow. And you know, usually when you travel as an American, you go to a country and you're like,

Starting point is 00:05:03 oh man, we're such meatheads. Why don't we do this this way, that way. Australia Day was the only time I ever went to a country being like, all right, we're not that bad. We're not the only ones, because the level of drunk meathead, and also the amount of El Caminos that you guys still have out there. It was like the 70s again,

Starting point is 00:05:20 everybody looked like a weed dealer. And it was 14 hours to get to Sydney, and then it was another brutal six to get all the way out to Perth. Yeah. It's in the middle of nowhere. And it was still going on. It's beautiful out there, Perth. Oh, it was gorgeous. Yeah. It's because it's in the middle of nowhere. That's why.

Starting point is 00:05:35 Yeah. I kind of felt like that was like the Galway of Australia. And when I was still drinking, the Little Creatures beer was my favorite and the brewery was there, and so was Bon Scott's Grave. That's in Perth. I didn't know that. Yep, they have a statue of him. I took a picture of that and I went to his grave. And it was kind of weird. People had all, like, left booze bottles there, and that's what killed them, which I thought was weird enough. And then someone had put a Miller Genuine draft, which is one of the worst fucking beers ever. But I'm thinking, all right, it's Australia, it's an import, maybe they think it's fancy, but this is swill. Bonn wouldn't drink this, man. They had all those hit albums. I'm sure he

Starting point is 00:06:19 was drinking something better than that. It is odd that they leave all the booze around there, isn't it? It's a twisted honor. Yeah, it's like, well, you know, you're sort of like, he's like a cartoon character. They didn't realize that was somebody's son, that was somebody's best friend or something like that. Like, he would never do that. One of the greats. He really was. If somebody, you know, was just like a plumber, if he fucking, death by misadventure as they say, you wouldn't, whatever his misadventure was, you would not leave that at his grave.

Starting point is 00:06:50 No. Bunch of ladders lying around. Yeah. People today, you wouldn't put oxy, a little thing like a prescription pill on things. Bless his heart. So, yeah, no. Bonn is, that's what I was surprised to hear about you being a country artist is that you actually were into metal and all of that type. I guess that makes sense, right? In that position, you listen to everything.

Starting point is 00:07:11 Yeah, especially coming up in the clubs in Australia. Oh, okay. I mean, that's the only places to play. So they're rough places. Well, what was that like playing, how does country music do over in Australia? Well, I mean, I grew up playing country music because my dad's record collection was all American country music. So there were all the records I grew up listening to, all American country artists.

Starting point is 00:07:33 Like Merle Haggard? Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Willie, Charlie Pryde, all of them. And so I just learned those songs when I was picking up guitar. Because I was going to ask you that, that that's amazing to me that someone that far away I guess we want that's it shouldn't be because people play all the great so many great rock bands came out of Australia So I guess it's like whatever appeals to you But I do find it funny that you play country music and you're an immigrant Yeah, you know so how does the fan get confused?

Starting point is 00:08:05 Like, do your show, but then get the fuck out of my country. No, wait a minute, he's singing about gravel roads. This guy's all right or whatever. It took a minute to get accepted, I'll tell you that much. So what did you have? You had to, did you have to kiss the ring, so to speak?

Starting point is 00:08:22 Did you have to go to the Grand Ole Opry? You definitely need to let the tribe know that you're the real deal and that you're there for the long haul. Okay. How did all those tattoos do during when they were like- I didn't have most of these when I was trying to get in the door.

Starting point is 00:08:37 Oh, okay. I didn't have any of them, actually. Because it was like a big family values thing. I always felt bad for country singers where rock stars were expected to just be totally debaucherous. Then there was this whole period, I feel like in the 90s and that type of stuff, where you had to be squeaky clean like the Osmond family.

Starting point is 00:08:56 You guys were, you know. It's so weird because the genre doesn't have, it's got a history of George Jones and Johnny Cash and Wiley Jennings and complete screw-ups. Absolutely. Absolutely. So how did you guys handle that? Did you just sneak around doing whatever you were doing? Handle what?

Starting point is 00:09:15 Being what it was? Well, you want to fucking party and bang groupies. You're a rock star. You're just singing country music. But then you had to also be like, I go to bed at 8 o'clock, and I drink milk in the morning in America. Here's the flag. How did you guys, without divulging too much, how did you have your fun that you earned? I definitely benefited from the fact that I was pre-iPhone, pre-old app, pre-social media.

Starting point is 00:09:43 All my craziness was pretty much pre-social media, so I was really lucky. I was like a total loner, like stay away from me kind of guy. Right. Where did you get that from? Oh, traumatic childhood? Yeah, just abuse. That's all it was. So then you just sort of learned after a while that, hey, if I'm alone, this shit kind of

Starting point is 00:10:04 stops. So then you kind of feel safe being alone. And then. You just stay that way. Yeah, until about 38, and then you kind of go like, everybody else is like married with like a 12 year old and I'm still fucking sitting here on a futon. Like what is going on?

Starting point is 00:10:22 Well I wasn't 38, I was a little bit younger than that when I met my wife. How the hell old was I? I can't remember, like 36 or something like that. But it was like late in the game. And when I would go back to my hometown, and if I would run into somebody and see their, they had a house, they had like a fucking minivan

Starting point is 00:10:44 and like three kids and stuff. Yeah, they had a house, they had like a fucking minivan and like three kids and stuff. Yeah, they were organized. Well, they had moved past adolescence and that's kind of like, like I ran into this guy the other day that I started out with and he never got married or anything like that. And he's like, dude, I still feel young. I mean, I feel like I'm like, you never got married, never had kids. He's like, I feel like I'm in this extended adolescence. And it's like, well, you are. You are, I mean, I'm not good or bad. I'm not judging it, but it's just like, cause I did that long enough where I was just like, I got bored with it.

Starting point is 00:11:14 I'm like, I would like to get up and have some sort of responsibility other than trying to figure out, where am I gonna, I don't know, go have a beer today? I mean, I was literally waking up at like 10 in the morning and waiting till eight o'clock at night to do standup. It was bad, I was just sick. Yeah, and then I got into like writer's block

Starting point is 00:11:34 and all of that type of stuff where, I'm gonna ask you about that, as a songwriter, when you get into writer's block, if you have, you've been doing it long enough. Do you have any tricks to sort of pull yourself out of the mud when you're just like, oh god, I keep writing about the same stuff or I don't feel, I don't got nothing new, you know? You play drums, so playing helps. I'm a guitar center's dad drummer.

Starting point is 00:12:04 Anyway. I sit down and I play when the levee breaks. And then someone comes and goes, dude, that sounds good, man. You got a lot of Bonham in you. I'm just being honest. I'm not going to sit here with a professional. But anyway. I'm good for a dad that tells jokes with two kids. You've got an outlet.

Starting point is 00:12:23 Separate. It's a comedy, right? Yes. So you can go and release a bit of your yi-yis out there and see if that gets a little flow going, right? So for me, it's not too dissimilar. I'll just do some other thing to get some flow going. I think for me, just feel- What's your thing? I might go for a drive or- Oh, you a car guy? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. Or I'll just jam. I just don't write a song. Just jam, just play some music, have fun with it. Right. Just get back to the basics of having fun with it

Starting point is 00:12:50 and then maybe something will start flowing. What I do is I take all rules of like, hacky, like I'm not doing this, that's a hacky topic. And I just... What do you mean a hacky topic? A hacky topic is just something that's been done to death. Right. It would be like, I'm trying to think of something,

Starting point is 00:13:09 I don't know, like when I was coming up, like going to the dentist, airplane, getting on an airplane. Okay, certain topics or things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just like, oh my God, you know. Yeah. Dogs do this, cats do that. I just take all of that and I throw it out

Starting point is 00:13:21 and I talk about whatever and it's weird. It somehow turns into something and I'll try something new or do something that I'm like excited about. But if you try something new, you feel stupid, you fail and everything like that. So like something funny like ends up happening that ends up turning into like, cause I'm more like a storyteller than like a sort of a joke, you know. Like I'm fascinated by people who can just like write a great joke. Me too.

Starting point is 00:13:51 Like monologues and stuff like that. Me too. Yeah. So yours just comes from sort of riffing. And then bits form. 100%. And then the bits form into something that now is constructed. Which you can flow each night,

Starting point is 00:14:02 sounding somewhat spontaneous, but there's a center of it. Yeah. So, yeah, and a lot of times it starts off with like, what you're saying is embarrassing. It's so bad. But then if you develop it, you can kind of go into like this new, this offshoot room that someone didn't go into.

Starting point is 00:14:21 And then what happens is, it's almost like in Goodfellas, when Jimmy the Gent was whacking everybody from the Lithuanian heist as a comedian, you chop off that first hacky thing that got into it, and then you're in that over there. Fantastic. Yeah, and then you got rid of the evidence. You got rid of the body. That makes perfect sense. Yeah. Well, let's say the art of originality is knowing how to hide your sources.

Starting point is 00:14:45 Oh. I don't know. I always feel like when I hate when people say everything's been done and like, no, but I would say like, you know, I think, don't you feel like though that that's early on? Like I'm sure when you started out, like people like, oh, you listen to this guy, this guy, this guy, but then the longer you do it, I don't think it's necessarily hiding your influences where you found your sort of recipe.

Starting point is 00:15:13 Yeah, yeah. I think Miles Davis said it takes a long time to sound like yourself or to play like yourself. Right. A long time. For the longest time, you'll just play like other people and then eventually become your own thing. I'm sure even with comedy, It's the same thing. Oh, yeah. No, I was when I started out. Who was I doing? I was doing Brian Regan and Then and then people come oh, dude, you're like Brian Regan or whatever and I would be thinking like no

Starting point is 00:15:38 I'm not and I totally was I totally was like my mannerisms I was like crouching down so you'd watch yourself back and see that and go oh, I know I had so much to this day I can't watch myself like the self-loathing. How did you know you were doing him? Because everyone was saying it and then I also knew I was doing it and I kept telling myself to stop doing it But then it became muscle memory where I was going He had like this little crouch that he would do and I was doing it And I was trying to stop doing it But I was so afraid of bombing and it was like working and it was like this torturous sort of two years

Starting point is 00:16:11 Yeah, yeah that I went through and then it took like another five years of not doing it for people to stop saying Because you know their first impression. Oh that guy. He's just fucking he's just doing Regan It took like another five years or so to get away from that. And then I was in my angry years. Was it legit that, or was it something you were developing? No, it was legit anger, but I didn't understand what I was angry about. So I said a lot of shit to a lot of people that had no business hearing it. I call those taking out your childhood on the world.

Starting point is 00:16:54 So I did that until I fucked up another relationship and then I was just like, alright, this is ... yeah, I was in... chicks are psychos! Like that was my big take, 34 years in the world, that was my big takeaway that I learned being on this planet, chicks are psycho. And then I was kind of like, alright, you just ruined another relationship with a great woman, like this has to be you. So when I stopped doing this and I started like looking at myself. It was the slow crawl to, like now, like I get along with my wife great, to the point it's making me nervous. I'm just like, this

Starting point is 00:17:35 is going really good. Like, is she thinking about getting the fuck out of here? Is that why she's happy? It can't be something. I'm doing, because I've always just, historically speaking, I've pissed women off. I'm trying to stop that. So, I don't know, you've been married for a long time. You got any tips? 18 years. I'm working on it. Yeah. Every marriage is different. That's why I can't stand marriage advice from people. Because it's like, well, that's your marriage. That works for you. It might not work for us. It might not work for them.

Starting point is 00:18:10 I know. I just try to like make a laugh every day and then I try to be easy going. And the making a laugh is easy. The easy going part is like, that part is hard for me. Right. You know, cause every day I have like a ton of shit that I have to do. the easy going part is like, that part is hard for me. Right.

Starting point is 00:18:25 You know, cause everyday I have like a ton of shit that I have to do and I think part of that goes back to, once again, the trauma thing, like you know, like ADD, all of that shit, I'll do this and I'll do this and I'll do that, cause then you don't have to think about shit that happened to you, so, but then you know, you're a human being and you need to rest and then I don't. And then I get irritable and then I'm snippy around that.

Starting point is 00:18:52 Like who wants to be around that? But I've also kind of, my wife has a great sense of humor. Like she was being a jerk this morning, so I just wrote her a poem that was talking all of this shit about what I was doing. And then in the end it was like, you still treat me like an ass. And she thought it was hilarious and then it just sort of like resets it. But I feel like if you don't have those devices, it just starts building up and then next thing you know you end up going your separate ways.

Starting point is 00:19:25 How much do you have to work through isms in your personality that make up who you are as an artist and as a creative person? Sexism? What do you mean? No, like quirks like anxiety, some of these insecurities, mood swings, whatever it is, all these things, right? I definitely have mood swings. Trauma, whatever it is, all these things, right? I definitely have mood swings. Trauma, whatever it is, right?

Starting point is 00:19:46 Yeah, but my point is, you could work on all that stuff and be a, quote unquote, more whole human being, but maybe just not as funny, not as interesting, not as edgy. That is a myth. Because there was a thing when I was growing up, when I was coming up as a comedian, they used to always say, you know, don't get too happy.

Starting point is 00:20:06 If you get happy, you won't be funny. No facial hair. People want to see your expressions. Oh, wow. Is that a real thing? You can't be too in shape. You can't be good looking. They had all these fucking, women aren't funny.

Starting point is 00:20:19 They had all of these fucking, all of them were bullshit. They were all fucking bullshit. And one of them was, don't get too happy, don't get married until you get to a certain point or whatever. All of it was BS. And it's like, if you get happy, what's great about that, if you were like crazy before, is you can revisit all of this stuff you've been through with a completely different perspective. You can laugh at yourself, your shows become lighter, women start coming to your shows.

Starting point is 00:20:47 I mean, dude, the first 15 years of my stand-up career was a sausage fest. And it was just a bunch of morons. And it was just a bunch of morons who didn't understand themselves or women like me. And that's what I was doing. And it's funny, now some people have noticed that I've changed a little bit. And then what's funny is the people that haven't gotten out of where I was, they'll say, you used to be funny five years ago. And I'm just like, dude, I get it.

Starting point is 00:21:22 I'm not as fucking angry as I was and if you want to spend your one life being angry like you know More power to you. You know I don't want I don't want to be I Don't like all of that shit. Don't leave New York come out to LA. You're gonna lose your edge Which is hilarious like this is an easy city This place is brutal it New York is brutal LA is brutal, but at least New York, there's trees, there's water. You know what I mean? There's other people that aren't in this business.

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Starting point is 00:29:48 See, all while doing that family values. That's fucking amazing to me. That's like a movie, dude. That's like a movie scene. So, when did you like bottom out? What was your thing where you, I'll tell you mine, if you want want just so it eases into yours. I didn't go as far down the road as you did. I was lucky with cocaine where, I mean it was a tragedy, but I learned something. When the Boston Celtics drafted this kid Len Bias, went to Maryland, and like we, the city was like overjoyed like, oh, because we always had like slow white guys. I was like, oh my god, we finally have a black dude that can dunk yeah we you know we're gonna go up against the Lakers you know they had

Starting point is 00:30:30 like worthy that magic they just were like they you know they were Showtime Lakers they were like glorious to watch and we would look like a bunch of guys at a YMCA. So we get this kid once again Red Harbac this shrewd I don't know how we were coming off winning a championship, I believe, and then in 86, and then we got this kid, I didn't even know how it happened, and two weeks later, he was dead from a,

Starting point is 00:30:55 I think it was free base and he overdosed or whatever, and that scared, at least for me, that scared the shit out of me, and I was like cocaine bad. So I just stuck with the booze. So my low point was when my wife finally said something to me and she never broke my balls about anything. She's going, what's going on with you?

Starting point is 00:31:14 You're like drinking every night. How long had you been together? Like eight years. It'd been a while and it was, well, the mistake I made is I brought the booze in the house. Okay? Because I don't have like that. I'm sure that wasn't the mistake, but yeah. Well, it's like, that's what made it that.

Starting point is 00:31:32 Because I'm more of a habit guy. I don't have like the addiction thing. But I am like, you know, I always call it like the spectrum of it. I am like definitely probably like two o'clock on it. So before, like, you know, if I didn't have it at home, like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, I'm like I'm not really out so I wouldn't think about it. So it didn't get a chance to get a hold of me. But then what happened is I got older, you know, drinking beer, I was getting a belly

Starting point is 00:31:59 and then somebody introduced hard stuff to me, you know, like vodka. I'm like, oh, this little thing has as much alcohol as six beers, and I'll just have one of those instead of drinking a six pack, but you know the deal. Then you have six of those, and then you build up a tolerance, and then you're fucking knocking out a bottle every three days, so I went to bourbon, and I was watching old TV shows, my wife would go to bed, and I would just be up there, and I was pouring them

Starting point is 00:32:22 like that, and I remember she was going like, dude, look at that thing, and I was going, I called them a home pour. It's a home pour. You know you go out to the bar, I'm balancing it out. So I would have like three or four of those a night and I was just killing bottles like every three days and so she finally... Kind of sad isn't it when you see that picture watching old movies. No, that was glorious because they were all drinking and smoking so it didn't feel like there was anything wrong. So anyway, I went

Starting point is 00:32:51 My wife told me not to drink. No, she told me not to have one. You've had enough. Okay, you've had enough and You come downstairs, bedrooms downstairs and you're snoring or whatever just knock it off and I said, all right. All right You're right. And I was like, wow, she's saying something And I still poured like one more, but I knew that she would know that I poured it, another one, if I didn't come to bed within the next five minutes. So then I was walking down the stairs

Starting point is 00:33:17 and I had like this big ice cube, one of those big ice cubes in it. And I was like, I was hiding it on the other side of my leg as I came walking in before, in case she was still awake. And I'm like, I'm this guy now? I'm hiding the booze? When am I going to have the bottle in the back of the toilet?

Starting point is 00:33:36 So, that was when I knew it was out of control. But then it took another year and having a daughter. And then I was just sitting there going like, you know, I'm down here. She was a couple months old. I go, if somebody comes through the door right now, I can barely even stand up. Like I'm not even a man right now. Like what the fuck am I doing? So I decided I was taking a break and then, um. We still working through there? Must have been.

Starting point is 00:34:02 What was I? Doing stand up? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and that was helping or hurting Well, I never really drank before shows so I never did I never like did that but I was definitely drinking out of loneliness Cuz I was like I don't want to go back to the empty hotel room So I'm just gonna stay out as long as I can to right before I'm gonna pass out and then faceplant in the bed And then I'll be good. Mm-hmm, but so then anyway, all I was doing was taking a break and I just never came back because I don't have to go through quitting again is basically it and it took me so long to get to that place,

Starting point is 00:34:40 to get enough days in a row that I, know remember did you watch that that great series on George and Tammy I didn't see that okay well they they had this thing that he would do the actor when Tammy would look at him and know that George was thinking about drinking he would kind of go kind of do this thing with his mouth like he had a taste for it and then she would like get him to like build like a dollhouse like try to distract him. For me, it took like three weeks to get rid of the initial thing of it, and then it took another month and a half to start being like, to actually be outside of it and looking at it being like, what the fuck was I doing? And I don't want to go back to that, my face looks better and I'm dropping some weight here

Starting point is 00:35:25 So, you know vanity helps a lot with not drinking. Yeah So yeah, so then I kind of like I Don't know but I replaced it with other shit like during the pandemic It was ice cream sandwiches and I fucking ballooned up. Oh my god It was the greatest thing ever and I was like California sober So I take two hits off a joint, because I'm not a big weed guy. And then I would just eat like an ice cream sandwich.

Starting point is 00:35:50 You look at yourself every day in the mirror, so you don't notice that you're slowly expanding. And then I stood on the scale, I was like, oh my God, what the fuck did I do? And by then I had like two kids, and it just, I don't know, I just finally got rid of coffee. That thing spun out of control.

Starting point is 00:36:06 Why did you do that? Why did you get rid of coffee? Because I was drinking like two to four cappuccinos a day. Let's see the patent here. Yeah, and that's what happens. Yeah, and I get into shit, and so I guess I gotta watch what I get into. So like, yeah, I'm a fucking lunatic. But you have a new album out called Hi.

Starting point is 00:36:28 Thank you. I know. You're really... I like learning about you. I know, yeah. You're a very inquisitive guy here. But okay, so I told you my, what was your story? I know yours is way better.

Starting point is 00:36:40 I'm with Hank Williams Jr. and fucking, you know, we fell down the steps of the Ryman. What was yours? I had several of them, but I went to rehab a few times over the course of about eight years. What's that like when you get in there and you're still jonesing for whatever you're on and you're in this place that they give it this overly peaceful name and you don't feel any peace in you whatsoever and you just want to kill everybody and get out of there and go do some blow or whatever.

Starting point is 00:37:10 The first one was because a cop told me I had to get it, it was either there or get arrested. It was either rehab or arrest. And so I chose rehab. Easy choice, yeah. That was a 28-day program, first one that I did. And how bad was that first few days of, did you have major DTs and all of that? I don't remember that. I knew I needed help of some sort.

Starting point is 00:37:37 Oh, all right. So you were in a good place mentally. Yes. Except I got out of there and I went, oh, I know what the problem is. The problem is the hard drugs. Drinking's fine. It's the hard drugs. Drinking's fine. It's the hard drugs that are ruining my life. That's how I live my life.

Starting point is 00:37:49 So I get out of rehab and I'm back to drinking. Well, of course, fast forward about three years and it's all descended back where it was. I'm now in my second rehab. And I thought, I'm in a toxic relationship with this particular girlfriend. That's the problem. So the first one was hard drugs. the second one is the toxic relationship. I love that. The third rehab is like, I might be alcoholic.

Starting point is 00:38:11 I know. Yeah, now why was it hard for you? There's something about it where you just feel like weak. They even say like, I'm lactose intolerant, like there's something wrong with you genetically. You can't handle milk? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, and I think it's a primal thing with guys to not have anything that makes them a liability to the tribe, because we'll get pushed out and left behind. All right, so when you get to, I might be an alcoholic, like how long before you went to college?

Starting point is 00:38:45 My dad was an alcoholic, so I genetically predisposed to that. And it doesn't really interest me whether somebody believes that or not. I totally believe that's a real thing. You get that genetic thing or you don't. My brother doesn't have it. He doesn't have that thing. I got it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:39:02 Do you think there's anything to, like, your father, did he drink in front of you? Yeah, of course. All right, so do you think there's anything to, like, making that, like, regular behavior? Because when I was growing up in Massachusetts, like, you had a son or a daughter and they became, like, a bartender. Like, it was unreal.

Starting point is 00:39:23 Like, I had friends of mine, like, at eight years old, could make at least 12 different drinks. Like, they would have their friends over, the adults would, and then it just became, it was considered, like, cute. Like, go make me a Manhattan or something. And, like, my buddy would say, oh yeah, whatever, Manhattan, you know, whatever, Vodka Collins, what do you need? Like, he, like he knew how to do it at like eight or nine years old. And I remember being in that environment and thinking that his parents were cool and my parents weren't. And then I realized years later, it's like, oh no, my parents were cool. Like they got, like, you know, they didn't do anything. They were like, no booze, no smoking, nothing at all.

Starting point is 00:40:09 But you're in your teenage years, so you feel like a freak, so everything is like, oh, God, oh, my parents, oh. And then it's when you're 20s, you look back like, no, they were kind of awesome. They kind of did a really great job with that but yeah, oh, you know not all of them but a lot of them That I noticed from that era like still drink. Would you grow up? I grew up in Massachusetts North Shore when I was really young and then the South Shore, okay, but like drinking was yeah Yeah, it was it's the same with Australia. Yeah, it was totally just. An alcoholic would be a very specific definition

Starting point is 00:40:46 in Australia, be a guy under a bridge, with a brown bag, and I'm like, well, I'm not that, so I'm obviously not alcoholic. Yeah, laying in the gutter was us. If you were like laying in the gutter, even then you were just called, you were never called an alcoholic, you were the town drunk, he's a wino.

Starting point is 00:41:00 Yeah, same in Australia. There was no pedophiles, it was just dirty old men. Like everything was just sort of like Stay with me. He's a dirty old man. He's a wino. He's a fucking drunk. Yeah, and You know that's just sort of yes the characters. Yeah, so there was That's interesting. Was there anger issue? There's anger issues And I was judged just judging by your sports in Australia. And just some of the things I heard.

Starting point is 00:41:27 Wherever there's heavy drinking, there's going to be anger issues. They pretty much go hand in hand. One of the most fucked up things I ever heard anybody say, I heard this guy say, the first time I went to Australia, I was in a bar and these two guys got into it. And the guy said, he goes, I'll headbutt your teeth, you fucking cunt. And I was just like, whoa. Like that was like, it was so specific. And the headbutt too, it's like,

Starting point is 00:41:49 it's the number one psycho move in a fight. Like you're literally like, I have no concerns whatsoever for my own bodily injury. Well I'm not gonna injure my fist, but my head's gonna do more damage. It's just, it's crazy. Yeah, but also, like you could like, like leading with your head, who does that

Starting point is 00:42:05 in a fight? And the fact that he was going right for the teeth, and I just, the way he said it, I, like, felt it in my own teeth, though, it was just like, Jesus Christ, these people are lunatics. And then I, um... But I didn't drink like my dad. So, I definitely wasn I definitely wasn't trying to be like my dad at all. I got to Nashville and it was really hard, harder than I thought it was going to be. And Oh, trying to break in. Oh, God, yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:36 Well, I know it's difficult. What's it like coming in from Australia, the Australian accent, the whole thing? Really difficult. Everything, yeah. I couldn't have checked more boxes of like, this is not going to work. So when did you finally like, well you must have had those, I can't imagine moving that far, just like Sydney to LA, completely different hemisphere, 14 hours on a plane, and then you want to call your friends for some support, and it's

Starting point is 00:43:05 like the middle of the night when it's like 11 in the morning. I can't imagine, at least if you were in Los Angeles, it's sort of like an international sort of, maybe there's an Australian bar, you could watch some sports, but to go to like Nashville, like the level of isolation as an Australian, and you're struggling. People must have thought you were nuts leaving Australia. Completely. But they don't tell you that. They tell you that they're saying that behind your back and not in front of you. What did they say in front of you?

Starting point is 00:43:37 It's fantastic, man. It's great that you're here. Super talented. And then you hear years later people are like, man, behind behind the scenes were like this guy's Crazy, he's never gonna do anything in this town You hear it, you know all these years later and I'm like, oh my god. Why do you just tell me that? I know how embarrassing is that? So how long how long was your were you? I got there you weren't selling songs and then everybody's like, what? What'd you say? You're dealing with that. You don't have any of your friends from Austria. God, that must have been brutal.

Starting point is 00:44:11 Yeah. That's where drugs came in. And they worked great for me because it allowed me to stay and just keep going at it. Make connections? Year after year. Exactly. Oh, are you in Paola? Yeah, I'll do some blow with you.

Starting point is 00:44:27 So eight or nine years and then you finally, did you write a hit for somebody else or for yourself? No, yeah it was me. I'd written a song and I was trying to pitch it around town and it ended up on my first solo record and it ended up being my first number one song. So how many people did like, I imagine when you were shopping that, they're like this guy's from Australia, this guy's crazy and then when it becomes a hit, they do like a 180 and then it becomes like, that's a weird moment in the career right, when all of these people that were just slamming the door all of a sudden like hey come on in, sit down. There was a few more starting to, I was really lucky because the writing community, the songwriting community were really good to me right out of the gate.

Starting point is 00:45:07 And they knew I was the real deal. I could play, I could write, and I was there for the long haul. You know, Nashville's a small town, especially in the early 90s. And they're just making sure that you're not coming in to be a carpet bagger. You know? Like, what are you here for? I wish I could have gone there and seen a lot of these places in the early 90s like Austin, Texas You know all these places that Denver

Starting point is 00:45:30 Nashville Atlanta like what was Atlanta like before it just became like it's like the LA of the south like how like how big that airport is Yeah, the level of traffic like last time I did a gig there And Atlanta? Yeah. There was like a Braves game going on and where I was playing they had a little theater right off next to the baseball stadium. And we sat in traffic for 45 minutes and I could see the stadium and the place where I was performing.

Starting point is 00:45:57 It was like this is like trying to get through the Lincoln Tunnel at 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Like how do these people do? And what was funny was they moved the stadium out of downtown because people didn't like the traffic, I think it was traffic and also other social issues. So they moved it out there and they didn't ... it was very Boston where it was just like, it didn't solve any problem with the big dig. They didn't add any more lanes and then the city just kept getting big. That went on forever, that big dig. I remember going up there early on and it was just always under construction. Forever.

Starting point is 00:46:30 No, the city is much better. The city got like Botox, is basically what happened. But what kills me is you go and there's that, there's offshoot that leads to the Mystic Tobin Bridge and it's like, the tunnel is so fucking wide, and it's one lane, and then this whole other lane is just for emergency vehicles only. And I guess I understand that, but couldn't we all just sort of squeeze over? It's just, I don't know. I thought that when I saw all the traffic trying to get out of Tampa the other night on the news, and the freeway was completely jammed going one way.

Starting point is 00:47:03 The freeway heading into Tampa, nobody on it. And I'm like, maybe free up a couple of those lanes for people coming this way. Why not? There you go. It's not rocket science. That's actually a good solution. I just hope everybody, oh my god, gets out of there. Oh, unbelievable. Yeah, like at some point, even like the lizard people have to address global warming. We gotta like these storms. This guy's talking about a nine to 15 foot surge.

Starting point is 00:47:30 That's just, it's getting biblical. And then what's crazy about this country is it's so divided politically that like these idiot liberals are actually saying stuff about their own countrymen. Like it's okay, I get you don't give a shit about them. You don't share their political views, but you're wishing this disaster, possibly death on them. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:49 But then there's people in Florida that would say that about like LA if there was like a big earthquake. It's a really, it's a strange time. It is challenging. That's why I love what I get to do, because I actually get to find two hours of common ground with everybody. Yeah, and it's also what, but do you, I find it oddly depressing though to go to, at least, I'm speaking just, it's this country, to go to all the states and see how similar everybody is. Oh, yeah. And then you just, you know, I'll go to...

Starting point is 00:48:18 I get everybody at my console. I get MAGA hats, I get liberals, I get every pronoun, I got everything out there. Yeah. Everything, and they're all just I got everything out there. Yeah. Everything. And they're all just getting along for two hours at least. Yeah, and when I tell people like some of the cities I go to out here in LA, they go, oh my god, like what was that like? Was it just like, was the Klan marching down the street?

Starting point is 00:48:36 It's like, no, it's not like that. And then like, you know, even my friends back east are going like, dude, how's LA? All right? You know, like they think it's all on fire and everybody's on skid row. And it's like, no, that's, no. Do you think we're all just sitting here like, you know, roasting in flames?

Starting point is 00:48:54 I mean, there's definitely, definitely a fire today. I don't know what's going on. Pretty cloudy on the way over here. Sorry, I'm all over the map here. So anyway, so you write this song, it becomes a hit and all of that. The way the music business was back then, how many hits did you have to write before they were like, all right, this guy's a made guy, and you didn't feel like you had to still like dance for your supper, that you actually had like credibility?

Starting point is 00:49:22 One of the really good things happened taking a long time to get signed and get success turned out to be the best thing for me. Because I got to do it on my terms, you know, two reasons that happened. One was because when you got nothing to lose, I had nothing to lose, so I was like, I was almost dictating terms that I wanted, so I'm like, what do I care? lose. I had nothing to lose. So I was like, I was almost dictating terms that I wanted because I'm like, what do I care? Right. I would like to have this, this, this, this and this.

Starting point is 00:49:50 I'm like, what are you saying? No, I'll just go somewhere else. But a guy said to me earlier when I got there, he goes, what's your goal? I said to get a record deal. He goes, no, that's not the goal. I said, what's the goal? He goes, get the right record deal. I said, what's the difference?

Starting point is 00:50:04 He goes, well, the right one's gonna give you Total artistic control of everything you should be able to sign off on all the songs that produces the players the name of the album the photo Like everything should be your final say everything Don't let anyone else do that because you're gonna have to live and die by this thing if it fails It's all on you if it succeeds. It's all on you. Oh my god, you know I went to go I went to I'm not gonna name the band because it's sad, but I went to go see this band and like these guys broke in like 89 or 90.

Starting point is 00:50:34 And the lead guitarist was telling me that they are still beholden to a contract. I bet. That they signed way back then and they've had all of these hits. Yeah. these guys just friggin like like stole from them and I had this idea for a bit, but I never worked out of my act, but I was always talking about how You know, they always like when they talk about gangsters They always talk about like these famous guys like the John Gotti's and the Al Capone's and all of that

Starting point is 00:51:04 But like the really smart ones they they weren't out in the public and what they were trying to do was not only not be in the public eye, but they were trying to go legit. They were trying to take all their illegal money and get themselves onto the legal side, which I basically called the legal side of stealing. Because if you look at how corporations operate, banks operate, and all of that, it's just legalized stealing. I go, what's the difference between a bank and a loan shark? And people are like, well, a bank doesn't break your legs.

Starting point is 00:51:38 It's like because they don't have to. They can just go through the legal system and then they can just go get you. The mob had to break your legs because what they were doing was not, there was no legal binding contract. They couldn't just take your house. Yeah, they had to show, you know, make an example of you so everybody else, so you would pay and everybody else would like pay so You know I kind of like like I relate to that story where I came in and like the amount of shit you just don't know and Nobody's gonna tell you unless you ask quite the opposite

Starting point is 00:52:15 Yeah, the goal is to make sure you don't know about any of this Yes, like I didn't realize that if your name wasn't on the pilot like you don't get like whoever's name is on the pilot gets to created by credit. Do you find that out the hard way? Yes. Yes. They will always forever just set you up with a writer, and you're sitting there writing it with them. I mean, I learned it before. I did Efforts for Family, but on all those pilots, all of that, if you direct the pilot episode, you got credit, you got paid every episode after that for helping to create the look of the thing.

Starting point is 00:52:55 And that's why back in the day you would see these big directors would come in and they would do the pilot was for two reasons. One, the studio wanted a guy or a woman that had success and knew how to make it look good. And then two, the director was doing it because this was like checks, this was mailbox money, which I don't even know if that exists anymore with, like this business has changed so much with the streaming and also how people consume content

Starting point is 00:53:25 or whatever, like right now me and my wife are watching that show, The Penguin. Uh huh, is it good? Oh my God. Yeah. Oh it's so much fun and Colin Farrell is the best actor. Yeah he's amazing. I've only seen two or three.

Starting point is 00:53:35 I wish I didn't know it was him. So I could find after whatever, like eight episodes and be like, you know who that was? God, oh my God, you gotta be kidding me. So, like, but what I like about it. Have you seen Joker yet? The new Joker? I haven't, I haven't.

Starting point is 00:53:48 But like the, what I like about The Penguin is it comes out every, like this one episode a week rather than just being able to binge all of it. So the whole week, like me and my wife talk about it. Man, I can't believe, cause like he's, oh man, he's just, he's just double crossing everybody. And you're just seeing this, it's just, this is becoming this runaway freight train.

Starting point is 00:54:16 And it reminded me like when Breaking Bad would come on like every week and everyone would be talking about it, he'd be talking about it online. So it's funny, I don't even know what channel I'm watching this on, cause I can't work the TV, so is it on HBO? Yeah, so I like that they still do that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:33 And I had like a few friends of mine going like, oh, I'm gonna wait till the whole series is out and then I'm gonna binge it. And it's just like, I always look at that, like if it's a really good show, it's like binging a really good show to me is like taking like, this bottle of wine is this, and you just like, you just take the cork out and you shotgun it, and you don't even taste it.

Starting point is 00:54:53 It's just like- I'm gonna wait till I can drink the whole thing in one sitting. Yeah, it's like, what is the point of- Savoring anything. Yeah, why wouldn't you want to take this in and appreciate it? Nobody's save is anything anymore. I think some people out there that still do. That was the funny thing about doing F as a family, doing animation.

Starting point is 00:55:17 It took a whole year to make that, and it was only six episodes and they were a half hour. So within three hours, people could watch the whole thing. They would come out at 11 o'clock at night, and then I would get all of these great emails and go in like, oh my god, that was fantastic! When's the next season coming out? I've got to go back into the mine, put on the hard hat with the fucking light. I think about that with chefs making meals sometimes and how long they're taking something is gone You're like what's next? You're like Did you taste all?

Starting point is 00:55:52 You know, it's funny. I remember one time I was I went to this this crazy restaurant where they it's like It's like chemistry. So they're just like they're just like this is a like it's like chemistry so they're just like they're just like this is a they'll hand you something it looks like foam or whatever the hell it is like this one in New York yeah this is like a steak and cheese sandwich like what the fuck what is this and you ate it and all of a sudden you taste it it was like it's like being an astronaut it was really weird I'm sure it wasn't wasn't healthy but anyway so we're at this fancy restaurant and we're gonna smoke a cigar afterwards and one

Starting point is 00:56:22 of the guys was like an addict and and he couldn't wait, and he lit his cigar before the food even came. And he was smoking the cigar and then just wolfing down the food and then going back to the thing. And it was just really, it was like the greatest, like, this is what an addict looks like. He wasn't savoring anything, he was just consuming and just like, oh, food tastes good. Oh, nicotine high. He was a recovered addict. Not really.

Starting point is 00:56:49 Well, yeah, he just, I was like going, this is how, oh my God, because I never saw him when he drank. I'm like, this is how this guy fucking drank. He was just two-fisting, and it was like, and I laughed halfway through the meal, and he's like, what are you doing? I go, dude, you're a fucking animal. Like, what are you doing? Yeah, could have just gone to In-N-Out or something. It would have made it easier. Yeah, like that's what he should have done. And just had to wipe the grease on the bag off of your face.

Starting point is 00:57:14 Like that's essentially it. Well. Anyway, bet the album on it. Yes, because I have a... This has been fantastic. I was really nervous because I didn't know what this was going to be like. You know what I mean? I don't get guests as big as you often. So you've had an incredible career and you're still like, you're an upbeat positive guy, you're

Starting point is 00:57:41 demons, you have this new album on, and you're touring like a human being, which is fantastic. I'm really happy. I imagine when you had your first songs, like when you went out, you were just gone. Yeah. Yeah, well that was my life. And now I have a life separate to that. Now were you one of those guys, like two pairs of jeans and a t-shirt and you were good? I'm still pretty much, I don't feel that much different than when I got started. I know that sounds weird, but separate to everything I've done, I don't feel or sense any of that at all.

Starting point is 00:58:15 I relate to that. I feel the same way. I really don't feel like I'm, I mean I hope I've grown in a lot of good ways, but the kind of giddy, inquisitive, excited guy that showed up in Nashville in the 90s, I feel exactly the same. Yeah. I definitely, I've definitely changed, but I'm not like, I don't know, I just saw enough people when I was coming up that they were here and I was like looking up how the fuck do you get there and then all of a sudden they did something or something went away. Oh my god there was so many stories like that. I bet. Oh my

Starting point is 00:58:53 god I'm this guy he got a pilot he got a pilot he went out bought a house and a car and then it only went like three weeks. And then like, I don't know what he was, I mean he acted like he was already. Big ass house too, I'm sure. Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah. And the woman he was with at the time was just like, we're fucking, and it was, yeah, he went right down to the bank with his sitcom

Starting point is 00:59:19 for one week, Check Stub, going like, yeah, I'm a star of a new sitcom, and we're gonna do 30 episodes a year, and this is what I'm making, blah, yeah, I'm a star of a new sitcom and we're going to do 30 episodes a year and this is what I'm making, blah, blah, blah. So he bought the big house, the fucking car and all of that. And I remember I was young, so I was like, oh my god, just looking at him like that was cool. And I saw the old edcomers, so kind of like, oh man, I think he might have gone a little early on those purchases and I watched him lose all of it and then a few months later I ran into this comedian

Starting point is 00:59:49 turned like show runner who I really respected. Super smart guy and me and this guy since passed away, Patrice O'Neal was standing there and we asked him, I said, you gotta be hit show, right? Come out of the gate, it's a hit show. He goes, when do you buy the car? And he sat there, he's like, ah. He goes, season three.

Starting point is 01:00:12 We go, three? He goes, yeah, season three. It's, no matter how big a hit it is, the first two seasons, you know, if they move around the schedule, if you go up against Monday Night Football, that was a thing, that's what happened on Buddy's show. They had him in the prime time thing and it was doing well

Starting point is 01:00:28 and then they got cocky with the new show and they moved it opposite some sort of sports show. And it just, fuck it, within two weeks. And you get no control over that. None. But you do over the car that you're now gonna take back. Oh my God, yeah, the car and the house and it just fucking all went away.

Starting point is 01:00:43 And I remember running into him years, and he never got another show or a shot. And just seeing him like. My dad always said when I was a kid, he goes, don't get broke looking rich. There you go. That's pretty good for a raging alcoholic. Oh, he had a lot of good wisdoms.

Starting point is 01:01:00 I love those people who don't apply it to their own life. They got all this great like... My dad never went broke looking rich. He was never a looking rich guy. He wasn't into any of that. No materialism. It wasn't his thing. So now I'm getting this romantic idea of your dad that he was that storyteller at the bar.

Starting point is 01:01:19 He was a drummer. Oh, he what? No, I didn't know that. There you go, Bill. Oh, okay. Now you've got him framed. I got it. And then guitars are laying around.

Starting point is 01:01:31 You didn't do any drummer jokes to your dad, did you? Nope. They always insult us. Who's the guy who hangs out with musicians? What do you call a good drummer? He's always that. You know what my favorite drummer joke was? I'm sure you heard this one.

Starting point is 01:01:43 How do you know there's a drummer at the door? Because the knocking is out of time is what it is. The knocking speeds up. Speeds up, right. Or the difference between the drummer and the pizza. The pizza can feed a family of five. Oh God! Jesus Christ, those are fucking brutal. They're hilarious. Ban's banjo jokes, too. Alright. You know, the difference between a trampoline and a banjo is that you take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline. Or do you have shoes to take off? The definition of perfect pitch is throwing a banjo in a dumpster without hitting the sides. Well, that's good, but it doesn't make me feel better that you had to go from drums

Starting point is 01:02:26 to banjo. All right, my guest, Keith Urban, Australian-American. You dual citizen? Yeah. I like the options. Actually, I got three. I got New Zealand as well, because I was born there. That's amazing.

Starting point is 01:02:38 Yeah. I've got options. You do have options. I like that. It's always good to have options. New album. I'm ride or die with America and LA. I don't give a fuck. I'm not going anywhere. I'm Nashville through and through.

Starting point is 01:02:49 They can download this everywhere. Hi, HIHH. 12 new songs. He's currently on tour in the United States through August 28th, 2025. Is there a keetherbin.com? I love how you've just gone professional right now. Yeah, no. Just your whole posture changed every day. Well, I know you didn't come in to talk to me. You got business to do. I actually did. I come to find out about you. Oh, you did? Yeah. Yeah, you asked a lot of questions. Yeah, I learned.

Starting point is 01:03:16 Okay. Well, I hope you liked them. I like how you're wired. I like how you're wired. A lot of people do. So I'm interested in that and how you sit with that wiring. Is it helpful, not helpful? It's great for everybody else being detained by but you got to live with it. Yeah. So I was wondering how that's going. Well I immediately went like this and I started tapping my hand. So yeah that's that's how I deal with it. I'm really I've gotten really good at apologizing. Really? And meaning it? I've had enough, no and meaning it, but I've had enough practice. Like I don't have those two, three day fights, stupid fucking things with my wife anymore, anybody else for that

Starting point is 01:03:54 matter. I just squash it. It's like it's stupid. I'm sure I did something, you did something too, who gives a fuck? Right. I said this to somebody the other day, I just squashed some shit. And he's like, you know, I don't know if we had like a problem or whatever. I said, yeah, we did this and that happened. What other?

Starting point is 01:04:09 I go, I don't give a fuck. And he goes, really? I go, yeah. I go, dude, I'm too old to hate people. It's like, I don't have enough battery life every day. Not enough time. I just don't. It doesn't really matter.

Starting point is 01:04:19 I can't be walking around, especially knowing how fucked up I am. That I always think be walking around, especially knowing how fucked up I am. I always think like, okay, I probably contributed at least 40%, and that's me giving myself a break. Easily. Yeah, then I'm not. That's what they say about resentment.

Starting point is 01:04:35 Resentment is like lighting yourself on fire and hoping the other guy dies of smoke inhalation. Jesus. And on that note. Where was that 20 years ago? All right, Keith Urban everybody, get out there, see him live. Thank you so much for watching the podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts, and I'll see you on Monday. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, October 17th, 2016.

Starting point is 01:05:10 What's going on? How are you? Oh, how are you? Oh, look at you. I am in Washington, DC and I am doing, I got three more shows here before I fly to Nashville and then I take my next special. And I think I'm ready to go. Saturday night I was ready to kill myself

Starting point is 01:05:37 after the show I did, because I was just, even though the show went great, people had a good time, I was just in my head the whole time going, and then I'm going to do this joke, and then I will do this one, and then that will flow into this one. I was in fucking, I was fighting like I just was in my head. And last night I was just like, you know what, fuck it,

Starting point is 01:06:01 just go up and whatever joke feels like it wants to come out, do it that way, that's the way you wants to come out, do it that way. That's the way you always do it. Just do it that way, all right? How many fucking times do you have to learn this goddamn lesson, all right? You're not the person that writes it all out and just stands up there with one hand in his pocket

Starting point is 01:06:19 and the other one, you know, fucking making gestures. It's not who I am. I'm a fucking, I don't know. I gotta walk around. I gotta get out there and walk around. So I hope that isn't too loud. I'm turning this down a little bit. Turn down the levels.

Starting point is 01:06:38 I didn't bring any of my recording shit because I'm so fucking psycho focused for this thing right now. So I don't know. You know what's weird is I'm so fucking psycho focused for this thing right now. Um, so I don't know. Like, you know, it's weird is I'm going to do this special right before the biggest fucking election of my lifetime, considering these are the two worst goddamn candidates and I'm really trying to see a light at the end of the fucking tunnel here, but what's weird is, you know, by the time my shit comes out, the election is going to be over and you know, by the time my shit comes out, the election's gonna be

Starting point is 01:07:05 over and you know how it is when the election's over. Whoever lost within three days, I mean, it's like boy band fame. You're just gone. Like remember how quickly Al Gore disappeared? He just fucking disappeared and then like in a month later, he had like this mountain man beard like whatever whatever fucking happened to that guy you know I'll tell you what else was fucked up you know what they were bitching about Hillary and they were saying like why is the media so silent because Al Gore got

Starting point is 01:07:40 accused of sexual assault why aren't they saying anything and it's just like I love how if you just get fucking accused of sexual assault, why aren't they saying anything? And it's just like, I love how, if you just get fucking accused of it. You know, there's all this shit on the side, they protect women where it's like, don't give up their identities and all of that, which I completely agree with. And I fucking hate Al Gore, but he was just,

Starting point is 01:07:59 anybody can just say, yeah, this guy did this shit to me. And then all of a sudden it's all over the media. And I don't know, I saw something recently. The fuck's story was it? Oh, there's a movie coming out, that Beast of a Nation. And the guy who directed it got accused and got acquitted of rape. And everybody's going like, well, what's the deal? It's like, well, he went on trial and they said he was innocent.

Starting point is 01:08:35 You know what I mean? But people that will follow that person for the rest of their life. So my thing is, if you get accused of that shit in the public you're never innocent. So that guy got accused, he got acquitted. They said he was innocent of the crime, you know, and but because everybody knows his fucking name, you know, 20 goddamn years later, it's still coming up and tainting of whatever he's doing in his life. So then it becomes, well, I hope he fucking did it because he's getting treated as though he did. Does that make any fucking sense whatsoever?

Starting point is 01:09:12 You know what I mean? And there'll be some... You know, actually, it doesn't mean that he was innocent. It just means that there wasn't enough evidence to convict, which is yet another thing. But I got to tell you, the one I will say, and I know he's just been accused, is fucking Donald Trump, right? When a bunch of broads came out and said, oh, he did this, he did that, yada, yada, yada, the Clintons are so fucking filthy.

Starting point is 01:09:42 I mean, I'm just like, well, who knows if this is fucking true, right? Like it's just this is just coming out now This guy's been fucking running for office for over a year and a half and it's just coming out now So I took it all with a grain of salt because politics are fucking filthy and no one's more filthy than the fucking Clintons right But one woman finally comes on I was riding with the lovely Nia, and we're in the car, and she goes to tell her story.

Starting point is 01:10:07 And rather than it being the usual generic, and then he did this, and he did that, and I felt uncomfortable, and people were like, what the fuck? She goes, whatever. She's, poor woman's like in her 20s, and then this fucking old creep is coming at her with his orange fucking hair, right? Which I guess, that's kind of self-hatred there. But I mean, at least mine's real.

Starting point is 01:10:30 And when he makes a move on her, she pushes him away and she goes, I said, get real. And then she goes, he then pushed his genitals in like toward, thrusted his genitals towards me and went get real Me and they were like, oh my god that definitely happened That's just too that's just too fucking specific. So I'm being a little hypocritical here because the person wasn't put on trial, but But anyways, this is what the fuck I wanted to talk about I But anyways, this isn't what the fuck I wanted to talk about. I got to do my special this week and you know something?

Starting point is 01:11:08 I don't give a fuck because people are always like, well the stand-up special, it should be timeless. It should be timeless. Let me ask you this. I mean, and I'm not putting myself obviously in the same category. Do you give a fuck, you know, if you listen to an old Kinnison thing and he's talking about you know Who are those fucking idiots trying to put like warning labels on albums? You know, this doesn't matter that it did or like you listen to

Starting point is 01:11:38 Richard Pryor and he's talking about Muhammad Ali and shit like I don't I don't mind that it dates it so fuck it Because I know what it felt like Saturday night when I was just like do not talk about that shit by the time this special comes out that stuff will already be gone I don't give a fuck I'm gonna talk about it and if it seems dated when we're editing that's what the fuck I'll do I hope this isn't boring to you to take you through the minutia of doing a stand-up special but anyways I'm having a great time here in in DC I went over to Georgetown yesterday I just sort of walked the city a little bit with Joe Bartnik which was

Starting point is 01:12:17 awesome because this is one of the most confusing fucking cities as far as like You know trying to figure out basically where you're at like there was three Areas of this city that I was familiar with but I didn't know how they connected There was the DC improv There was the W hotel near the White House where I've stayed a number of times And near the White House where I've stayed a number of times. And now there's like the National Theater and where I'm staying this time. And the thing about DC is it's all like,

Starting point is 01:12:56 the address is like, whatever, 659 Pennsylvania Avenue, but then it's like Southwest, northwest, fucking east or whatever and that's just like how the fuck do I mean you need like a goddamn compass just the way this whole thing is laid out. So yesterday I actually did a fucking walk and I kind of walked to all three of those places and like I didn't realize I'm at the National Theater I'm like I wonder where the W in the White House is compared to that. It was like fucking two blocks over and then like another two blocks and about six blocks up was the

Starting point is 01:13:30 improv. So I feel like I have that little corridor all memorized and I finally flew into fucking Reagan Airport, you know, rather than flying out to fucking Dulles which is like 30 miles, I think, west of the city or some shit like that, north, I don't know where the fuck it is. So I land and I check a bag, which I never do. I never fucking check a bag. Like when I went to Europe, just for like a month touring and took a quick vacation, I had a little fucking overhead compartment bag.

Starting point is 01:14:03 And you know something? It was fine. Oh, hang on a second, my breakfast is here. All right, I'm back. Fuck, the guy was hilarious. Guy delivering the food. I was like, hey, what's up? And he was just like, he's like,

Starting point is 01:14:20 hey, where were you when we did this? Over there on the table would be fine. Okay, enjoy your breakfast. Real weird voice. Anyways, had a terrorist beard too. You know? Pre-911 I would call it an Abe Lincoln beard.

Starting point is 01:14:39 You know, he just got the beard and no mustache. That was the Abe Lincoln. The fucking chin strap. But the terrorist beard is the fucking no mustache chin strap, but then it's sort of frizzed out. You know? That's the terrorist beard. Unless you're black.

Starting point is 01:14:58 If you're black, that just means you're from Philadelphia. Okay, plowing ahead here. The hell was I talking about? Oh, who gives a shit? Was it even that important? Probably not. Anyways, I had a great week before I came out here. I had a really cool experience. Do you guys remember a couple years ago I was raving about that John Fabro movie, Chef. You haven't seen the movie. It's phenomenal. It's just such a great, great movie.

Starting point is 01:15:35 Just don't be hungry when you watch it because you will consume like 12,000 calories after watching it because some of the food, basically all of the food that they make looks unbelievable. So long story short, you know like whenever they have like end credits stuff on like a movie, you know it's usually like outtakes or something from the actors screwing up or whatever. John had to learn how to basically I guess you know they had to take cooking classes and stuff, so he looked like he was an actual chef, so the movie's character would ring true, you know, all that actory stuff. So there was a guy showing him how to make a grilled cheese sandwich, this guy, Chef Roy Choi, who had the Koji truck, started the whole food truck movement out here in LA and everything and he was showing

Starting point is 01:16:26 him how to do it and John just decided to film it when he was making this cheeseburger and it was like so fucking intense when the guy was doing, he was like all crouched down looking at it and he was moving the grilled cheese, grilled cheese sandwich, you're just thinking like this is something like a fucking 12 year old can make but watching this guy do it and the level of intensity the game seven fucking intensity that this guy had when he made it I Was just like what it like blew me away It was like I've never been that into fucking cooking something ever

Starting point is 01:16:58 You know, I'd never seen it right? So long story short I Don't know if I'm supposed to say this or anything. I'll watch them give the shit. This would be like a teaser, but Favreau's been like filming some stuff of him cooking with this chef and I ran into him out here and he said, hey, that guy, you know, who made the cheeseburger, I mean, the grilled cheese sandwich is going to be out there. You want to come out and watch him make it. And I was like, yeah, fucking absolutely. I would love to.

Starting point is 01:17:28 So I was hanging off set and I got to watch them make it and everything. And, uh, they pulled me in, let me fucking make the grilled cheese sandwich with them. It was one of the coolest, most surreal things I've done in this business. And, um, the fucking grilled cheese sandwich was so good like an idiot I'm out here on the road and they had a grilled cheese sandwich on the room service of a fucking hotel and I order it like it's gonna be as good and and it wasn't. Sometimes I learned that fucking lesson but I want to thank him and Chef Roy for letting me hang out.

Starting point is 01:18:06 I had such a fucking great time. I learned so much shit about cooking and what was funny was he never, he never went like, oh, this is how you do this. You just kind of went in there and did it. And what amazed me was afterwards when I was thinking about all the stuff that I saw him do like Just how he would just like move the grilled sea cheese sandwich around how he would

Starting point is 01:18:34 You know fuck with the temperature. I mean I was like a fuck it. I'm a robot when I cook. I'm literally like, you know Whatever quarter tablespoon of salt and I like take out it out I measure it and flick the top like these guys none of they don't use any sort of measuring whatsoever they're constantly tasting the shit and and then adjusting that temperature up and whatever my temperatures act out with that's what the fuck we're cooking at which makes no sense when you really think about it but I was just like it's like being completely locked in on your rack as opposed to just out there kind of flowing with it.

Starting point is 01:19:07 And what is funny, so they would teach me, now you gotta taste it as you're going, you know? So I was doing that and John mentioned, he goes, yeah, when you cook like this, it tastes great, but by the time you're done, he goes, you don't wanna eat it, because you've tried it so many times, you're actually kind of full a little bit.

Starting point is 01:19:23 And that was kind of the deal with everything except for the grilled cheese sandwich made a Cuban sandwich it was crazy the whole thing was crazy so so that happened and I'm recording this shit on the garage band and as always I have no idea how much time has gone by I should just looked at the clock up top but I didn't. But this is the new me. This is the new calmer me who refuses to let technology piss him off. You know I spent an hour and a half the opening night. Bruins their opening night, their first fucking game. Who the fuck did they play? They played Toronto Saturday. I don't even remember. But since like 2007-2008, I have been, you know, I've had the center ice package and I've had an account online and I'm able to just sign in and watch the fucking games.

Starting point is 01:20:20 Lo and behold, this year I can't. So I don't flip out, I call up, I spent an hour and a fucking half talking to people from Malaysia. Okay? Because I finally got one woman to tell me where she was at because this first guy was going like, you know, he's just talking to me and I'm like, yeah I want to watch a hockey. He's like, hockey? I'm like, yes, hockey. He goes, like ice hockey? I'm like, yeah, Bruins, Original Six, 2011 Stanley Cup Champions. And I was like, don't flip out.

Starting point is 01:20:53 And then finally, I was on the phone with this guy for like 45 minutes. He couldn't figure out what the fucking problem was. And I got a little heated. I was just like, dude, you know, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but there's a little bit of a language barrier here and you didn't know what hockey was to start with.

Starting point is 01:21:08 I should have considered that as an omen. I, we're 45 minutes in, if we haven't figured it out yet, like this isn't working out, okay? Have a nice evening. And he said, okay, I'm sorry. And then I felt bad and then I just fucking hung up. And then I called back and then I got another person and then, and she's going like hockey like ice hockey right same fucking thing and I was

Starting point is 01:21:28 saying well this is the problem I'm having it's like I'm literally trying to watch something that the person on the other side of the phone doesn't know what it is and they're on the other side of the world I go like where are you right now and she goes Asia I go you're in Asia she goes yes she goes I hope that's not gonna to be a problem. Which made me feel like a Trump supporter. I was like, no, it's not a problem. But you know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:21:51 I go, you know, if you were trying to watch cricket, you had to call me up. I'm like, cricket? Like the insect? Or the sport? Wouldn't you get frustrated? So long story short, I spent an hour and a half, I spent like half the fucking game on the phone and they still couldn't figure it out. And I just said, you know what, to hell with it.

Starting point is 01:22:08 And I felt my wife watching me. She kept coming in and then she was trying to get upset for me, you know, because she didn't want to see the time bomb go off. And I actually held it together. And I didn't get to see one second of the game. And I guess they have some new thing this year. You can no longer stream it. You have to pay for both now I don't know they got AT&T bought them. So now you have to pay for both

Starting point is 01:22:37 Because that's how corporations work to make like a zillion dollars they now they now have to make like fucking they gotta make you know two dollars it's just like why can't you cunts just be happy with the 70-foot yacht why do you always have to be open for a 90 foot jack. Fucking unbelievable, man. I don't know. You know, I was listening to fucking, I'm gonna stop moving this computer because I know that gets really loud when I do it, sorry. I was listening to NPR, right? Well, my wife was listening to it and I was tolerating it.

Starting point is 01:23:20 I like some of the fucking music, but just like their politics, it's just, it's so it's so Childlike to just be sitting there leaning all the way to one fucking side. It's just like really Nobody with a blue tie does anything wrong Everybody with a red tie is an asshole. It's almost it's like fucking political like racism in a way But everybody thinks that they're a fucking saint You know?

Starting point is 01:23:45 One of the dumbest things ever in those Trump rallies, like, somebody had like a sign or a t-shirt that says, fuck your feelings. I love how people on the right just think they're so fucking like hardcore and like, you know, people can't handle the truth. You know what I mean? You know what they're like? People on the right that are like that, they're like those, you know like, you ever meet some chick and she'll just say some shit

Starting point is 01:24:09 like, you know, guys are intimidated by me, you know? They can't handle me, you know? And then, you know, joke I used to do with my actors, like, yeah, you ever think maybe you're just a cunt? You know? I mean, that's, I'm not saying you are, but that's definitely a possibility, you know? That could be behind door number three and that could be the fucking answer. You know, your self-involved shithead.

Starting point is 01:24:31 I just, I don't know. And then like people on the left. I remember one time I was doing a, I was doing a, I had a small part in a movie and we were shooting in New Orleans and at our hotel, like this big Republican convention was coming. So they had this big banner, it was all in red. So one of the producers on the movie was just, she was just like, oh my God, did you see that banner? I was just like, Jesus, am I in like, where am I right now?

Starting point is 01:25:01 And I just looked at her, I was like, you know, people are allowed to be Republicans. She just goes, oh, I know, I'm just being that person. They fucking drive me up the wall. Well, Cheap Bill, aren't you just the perfect fucking person? Yeah, you know what I am? I'm a fucking conspiracy theorist. And once you become that, you know, you lose a lot of friends, you drive people nuts, but you start trying to look behind Whatever the fuck they're showing you and like I don't think it fucking matters which person wins this because You know the people on the other side because they making your fucking pay For the the center ice package on TV and now on cable they got and they got an extra revenue stream

Starting point is 01:25:44 They're selling all your fucking information, and they got all this money, they put money on both horses, so it doesn't fucking matter. So I'm listening to NPR with my wife, and they just sort of casually mentioned that scientists said the Great Barrier Reef is now dead. And you know what they segued into after that? The results of the Dodgers game.

Starting point is 01:26:11 So, um, I Don't know I just think below that we're completely fucked and I want to thank whoever Created the Great Barrier Reef. I'm sorry. We finally wrapped it around a fucking tree That's what we like We're like a bunch of fucking rich kids and our parents bought us this beautiful fucking car and we're just out there doing neutral drops and fucking slamming it into trees and we're gonna fuck the whole thing up you know. But unlike rich kids parents I don't think mommy's gonna get us another

Starting point is 01:26:41 car. Do you know when I was in fucking high school there was these two kids right these two rich kids one of them got a fucking Pontiac Trans Am Like a brand new on the f-body, you know the one that everybody fucking loved in the 80s the Knight Rider version He got the fucking Trans Am this kid was like a 1617 year old kid. He had a brand new like 19-whatever 85, 86 Trans Am. So the other rich kid's parents, they're like competing.

Starting point is 01:27:14 But this other kid, a fucking 1985 or 1986, Irock Z. I mean they were pulling up to the school. Their car was worth twice what their teachers car was worth. I remember there was this teacher foreign language teacher and he had this giant boat from the early 70s and the fucking the door lock was like the door wouldn't close and to this day there's no excuse for this guy not just getting the fucking door closed out fixed He fucking tied like a quarter inch rope around like the handle of the door and then like 15 times around his headrest and he'd have to get out the fucking passenger side and one of the great things about getting old is you stop giving a fuck about what people think about you but

Starting point is 01:28:04 For the most part, that's a great thing. But in that instance, that was not a good thing. That was not a good thing for people to see because being a teacher is a tremendous profession. But you can't show up in a piss yellow fucking boat that you got the fucking door tied to the headrest. I mean, as much as you love something, you wanna be able to support a fucking family

Starting point is 01:28:26 I always thought we're looking at that looking back years later that there might have been a half dozen people that were considering being A teacher myself one of them and you once you saw that you're like, yeah, you know what? I don't think I want to do that. I Don't want to walk around with a dirty sport coat having to get out the passenger side of my fucking car Because I can't even afford to get the goddamn door lock fixed get out the passenger side of my fucking car because I can't even afford to get the goddamn door lock fixed. You drove like three of the four years I was in high school this guy would pull up in that fucking car. So anyways these two kids got these cars and so of course they're driving around like maniacs of

Starting point is 01:28:57 course everybody's drinking and driving this was the 80s this was like this is you know this was some sort of I don't't know, this was an activity that was done. You went out, you found someone of age to buy you a case of beer, and then you just drove around town. There was nothing to do. You drove around town and tried to run into other kids you went to college, high school with,

Starting point is 01:29:16 and they would be driving around, you know, with a 12 pack in their car, and then you'd be like, where you going? And then you'd find some dead end street, and you'd all go down there, and then the cops would come down and break it up, and then you'd be like where you go and then you'd find some dead-end street You know go down there, and then the cops would come down and break it up And you drive around everybody would gather someplace else. It was weird There was no cell phones and somehow everybody figured out where the hell everyone was going

Starting point is 01:29:34 So long story short the kid who had the trans am ended up fucking You know going too fast pushed it past the limit and Went flying into a bunch of trees. Fortunately, there were smaller trees So the trees lost the battle, but he totaled his fucking car. That was right as we were graduating So, you know what his parents did To teach him a lesson they went out and they bought him a corvette So here's the thing now he's got the Corvette. He fucked up. He totaled his car.

Starting point is 01:30:08 They went out and not only bought him a brand new car, they bought him an even better car. He had a Corvette. So now the other kid who didn't fuck up his car is now looking at his iRoc like it's a piece of shit. So within three months, he then had a Corvette. And beyond, so he could one up the other kid. He had a custom interior. He had like all this wood put on the inside of it because the 80s Corvettes, the interior was unbelievably plain. And that was the last I ever saw of either one of them because then I graduated. Except for

Starting point is 01:30:42 the kid who got the custom Corvette Hey, I ran into a bar ran into him in a bar about two years ago and He was hammered and proceeded to say some of the most racist shit I've ever heard in my life I just sort of slowly backed away like alright, buddy Seeing another 30 years back the way like, alright buddy, see you in another 30 years. Anyways, let's read some advertising here at this point. Let me see if I can find where the fuck I'm at. Oh, I'm an idiot. I didn't put the fucking advertising in. Now you have to

Starting point is 01:31:15 listen to all these clickings. I apologize. Sorry. Sorry. One last click. And they're all affordable. This is really starting to feel like a cult reminds me the time I almost accidentally joined fucking Scientology right now is your chance I didn't almost join it I just didn't realize what it was you know I thought it was an acting class it was an acting class but it was run by Scientology and they were all like we have our own parking we have our own security I literally said in I go Jesus Christ I feel like I'm joining a cult and the guy's eyes did something weird and he was trying to

Starting point is 01:31:47 figure out if I was being a wise ass or if I was fucking around and then once I figured out what it was I blew him off and then they kept calling me and I finally fucking picked up and it was like, did we lose you? It's like yeah, yeah you did. Did I ever tell you guys a Scientology story? I'll read the other advertising later. This is more interesting. All right? So, um, this is like fucking, I don't know how many years ago. This is... Bill Clinton was still in office, I think, when this happened. And, um... Basically, I need to take an acting class. I'm living in Los Angeles and I needed to take an acting class, right? So, you know, whatever.

Starting point is 01:32:34 So somebody suggested this fucking place and I went over there. I think it was the Beverly Hills Playhouse was the name of this fucking place and I went over there and I show up for the acting class and the teacher goes, this is so fucking weird. He just goes, his big class was packed and it was a well-known actor too. So I was like, wow, man, this is gonna be a fucking great class.

Starting point is 01:32:59 And it was a great class other than the fucking creepy vibe. So to start the class, the guy goes, OK, does anybody have any news they want to share with the class? Hmm. All right, so people raised their hands. And basically, it was actors talking about what they booked that week. And there's a thing, I guess, amongst actors, is you're starting out, you get envious, and there's a thing, I guess, you know, amongst actors is you're starting

Starting point is 01:33:25 out, you get envious and you get jealous. So I guess this was a reaction to this. What this, that was this whole exercise was about. People put their hands up. This is like, you know, fucking the mid 90s or some shit. And so I'd be like, yeah, I just booked, I booked a guest star on Friends, and then the whole class, like ridiculously loud, and for a ridiculous amount of time would just go, whoa, whoa, like clapping and screaming, like somebody just cured cancer.

Starting point is 01:33:59 And then it all died down. I was just like, what the fuck was that? And then somebody else goes. Oh, yeah Hey, I just you know, I just booked a reoccurring on Union Square Wow, it's crazy So then once that shit dies down, I was immediately like hey, man I knew LA was a little different but what the fuck is this? They go. Hey, we got a couple of new students here auditing the class

Starting point is 01:34:25 So hey, we got a couple of new students here auditing the class. He just moved here from New York City. Please welcome Bill Burr." And they clapped and cheered just as loud as they did for the other people that book-like friends. But here's the thing, when they were cheering, no one was looking at anyone. They were just sort of staring straight ahead, clapping and screaming as loud as you possibly could. I remember my face turned red.

Starting point is 01:34:49 I got embarrassed. Like, what the fuck? And then that's when I, after the class, we took the first break and the actor teaching the class. And the actors were great, you know, other than the weird vibe, right? So I fucking go up there and the other guy goes how you doing and I looked and I was like doing good Because he's a great actor. He totally read me. He goes, uh, he goes the beginning of the class was Was that a little bit too much? I was like, yeah, yeah, it might have been

Starting point is 01:35:22 So I Go on the back, you know now they're gonna try to get the money out of me like every acting class does. This is nothing against Scientology. So that's when I sat down and that's when the guy was just like, you know, we're very self-sufficient. We have our own security. We have our own parking.

Starting point is 01:35:37 Everything was their own. And that's when I said, I said, Jesus Christ, you know, I just had to break the tension. It was so fucking weird. So I just made this joke. You know, Jesus Christ, I feel like I'm joining a cult. It was me and this other kid sitting there I don't know what the fuck ever happened to him I don't know if he's clear yet or he fucking moved back to Iowa. I have no idea what but um

Starting point is 01:35:55 the guy made like this weird face when I said it and So I left and I was like, wow that was fucking weird,. But it was still like it was a good class though, you know? And I really liked acting class and that type of shit. And so I was still kind of on the fence and I ended up running to somebody later on that night I think at the Laugh Factory and I mentioned, and the person was like, where was the class? And I said it was at Beverly Hills Playhouse. And he just goes, Bill, that's Scientology. He'll get the fuck out of here, it's an acting class.

Starting point is 01:36:30 They said, no, but it's, yeah, they're trying to recruit you into that religion. So I got all fucking weirded out. And they just kept calling, leaving messages on my fucking answer machine. And then that's, finally they called again and I've been ducking them for like three days and after three days. I was just like You know I thought they were watching me and shit

Starting point is 01:36:53 I got all fucking paranoid not saying they were but I just got you know me you know I mean, I'm a fucking conspiracy theorist last thing I need is an actual cult Fucking hounding me that was not good for my psyche. So finally after three days they called again and that's just, I was like what am I a fucking bitch? I can't just call these people up and say go fuck yourself. So I just picked up the phone. I'm like hello. And they're like hey, Beverly Hills Playhouse. I go yeah man I'm all set. And the guy's like oh did we lose you? I was like yeah yeah, you did. All right Don't call me anymore He goes, okay fine. And then that was it. They left me alone, but that was I think it's because it was early on You know

Starting point is 01:37:31 So I have to deal with Donald Sutherland like when I walked out to my car later on that night just pointing at me Like an invasion of the body snatches You know not to say that Scientology is any more or less fucked up than my religion, you know, not to say that Scientology is any more or less fucked up than my religion, you know? I've always maintained that if the Inquisition was filmed, like, my, um, my religion wouldn't exist anymore. That's what happened with the Nazis. They filmed this shit, so no one's ever gonna forget it.

Starting point is 01:37:57 The shit that my religion did was never filmed, so it's just like stick figures and drawings and no, no, it cares, you know what I I mean but to actually have the actual footage of like oh yes not only did it really happen this is what it looked like it's it's a fucking wrap what am I talking about all right let's get back to fucking the subjects here I wanted to talk about instead of Scientology and in Holocaust footage what do we got here what do we got here oh you do we got here? Oh, you know, I didn't even mention last I didn't mention I didn't congratulate the fucking Cleveland Indians for sweeping the Red Sox and you know I'm wondering if I always pick on Dan Shaughnessy which you know to be fair isn't fair

Starting point is 01:38:41 but for me to just single him out is kind of funny. So I'm going to continue just trashing him the fucking I'm I wonder if it did dan shaughnessy or any of those other guys Who demanded the red sox make a change after we had that fucking collapse in 2012? Was it 2012? We had the collapse in september Or whatever the fuck it was. I can't remember what the hell it was. All I remember Was it 2012? We had the collapse in September? Or whatever the fuck it was. I can't remember what the hell it was. All I remember was,

Starting point is 01:39:09 however we got rid of Terry Francona, was we had basically, we didn't win the World Series, we didn't win the playoffs for how many years in a row, and then everybody demands a fucking change. Like this guy who won two World Series with us, oh, by the way we hadn't won in 86 years, suddenly does not know how to win a fucking championship

Starting point is 01:39:29 anymore. So we fucking, you know, the sports writers demand a trade, the ownership fucking gives into it or whatever. I mean I'm not saying they actually literally listen to these guys but like I just would love these sports writers that demanded the Red Sox make a fucking move, you know, at least acknowledge the fact, oh there's Terry Francona all these years later coming back and sweeping our ass. You know, the first round of the playoffs. Theo Epstein is running the Cubs right now. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:39:58 These are all like former Red Sox. They all knew what the fuck they were doing. Why did we get rid of all of these guys? Theo Epstein is a fucking genius. This guy's gonna break the... he already broke the curse of the baby, he helped do that, now he's gonna break the curse of the goat. Right? Automatic Hall of Fame. John Lester's pitching for him. It's like this whole postseason is just littered with former fucking Red Sox. But you know what? What do I care? We won three. Who gives a fuck? We won three this decade. Am I actually going to complain about that? Oh, I think I am. No, not really. I don't give a fuck. You know what it is? I think it's safe to say, I want

Starting point is 01:40:37 to see a Cubs Indians World Series. I mean, I like the Dodgers. Blue Jays, I don't mind. Although Geddy Lee one time talked shit about the Red Sox and their fans, and ever since then I just hated Toronto Blue Jays fans. You know, I blame him. Geddy Lee from Rush. The bass player. You know? Today's Tom Sawyer's a meme, m-hmm!

Starting point is 01:41:04 Yeah, so I would love to see that. Both of them. They're already doing like all this. You know what fucking sucks about being in a drought? Like the Cubs are in, like the ESPN are all these guys. They just have to fucking sit there and just splice together every fucking horrible thing that happened and they just try to make it, you know. I got so sick of that as a Red Sox fan, so I have a lot of empathy for Cubs fans because they don't do it to the Indians. As much as the Indians fans try to act like they're long-suffering Indian fans,

Starting point is 01:41:37 it's like, dude, you know, it's 1948. You've suffered half as fucking long. All right? And then also, nobody was, and I even say this about the Cubs, nobody chants 1908 at you. You know, the way they chanted 1918. I was at a fucking devil raise game, back when they were the devil raise, before those dopes thought that sounded too evil.

Starting point is 01:42:01 Fucking Clearwater cunts. They chanted 1918 at us when I went to a game down in Tampa and they were chanting, I was just looking at the guys like, are you fucking serious? Yeah, we haven't won in 86 fucking years, but we still got five more than you. They chanted that at us.

Starting point is 01:42:20 I went to an interleague game at the old veteran stadium in Philadelphia. And I'm like Like these guys went over a hundred years. They went from like 1880 something almost 100 years to 1980 But they had won one in 1980 so that they gave them the fucking right to chant that shit at us I Don't know when they're Cub fans. You always go on that during the day. You're taking your shirts off It just looks like a big keg party and it almost looks like you don't even give a fuck you know what fuck it let's see the Dodgers and Blue Jays no I don't give a shit I'm just I absolutely love

Starting point is 01:42:52 playoff baseball I don't know what happens the second it becomes October and they throw all those extra microphones and you can just hear the ball hit in the mitt it just takes this whole other level of like the whole mystique of the national pastime just fucking comes to life. Like I don't for the fucking life of me if they wanted to increase their ratings to keep whatever those playoff microphones are where you can just fucking hear everything you can really hear the sound of the crowd and all of that if he just would well maybe we get spoiled I don't fucking know all I know is it sounds completely different and that adds to the whole thing and I've missed every second every fucking pitch

Starting point is 01:43:34 because I've been working but I taped my special on Friday and then after that I'm gonna be I'm gonna be just I'm gonna be just... I'm gonna watch every fucking pitch. Oh, I can't wait. I can't fucking wait. Oh, I'm putting my feet up, but I'm gonna keep working out. Because I'm down to basically my... I'm a few pounds... I'm gonna be a few pounds over, but I'll be fine for the special. But I'm gonna keep going and get myself into fucking ridiculous shape like it was last year and The next thing I'm adding to my gym are those fucking Swedish buzz So that's my goal by the time I'm 50 I want to be able to do the human flag

Starting point is 01:44:21 I'm already working on a front lever Which is really fucking hard man just because it's just muscles you don't use. You know, you ever see somebody do a pull up and then they just go straight out and they look like they're just parallel with the ground as they hold on to a pull up bar? I've been gradually building up the strength to do that. I can now hang from the bar with my knees tucked up into my chest. It's all about balance. And you have to put, you actually have to be pretty much behind the bar with my legs, my knees tucked up into my chest. It's all about balance and you have to put, you actually have to be like pretty much behind the bar so like the weight, especially me with my big head, has to be on one side and then gradually you start to extend one leg a little bit until you can hold

Starting point is 01:44:58 the whole fucking thing and I don't know, whatever. I have to be working towards shit like that or like workouts just become become it's like me trying to write down my jokes. It just becomes like this unbelievably tedious thing All right, and with that let's fucking uh, is there anything else I wanted to say? Tennessee Alabama poor Tennessee Jesus Christ. They were fucking rolling there and they just ran into a couple of tough opponents Dude, Alabama looks like fucking world beaters And they just ran into a couple of tough opponents. Dude Alabama looks like fucking world beaters. Wisconsin, Ohio State was an amazing game. I watched that one. Felt bad for Wisconsin, man. They had that fucking game. And then Dak Prescott of the Dallas Cowboys. Jesus Christ. The guy looks like a five-year vet.

Starting point is 01:45:46 But anyways, I gotta tell you this man. I've been gone almost a week without losing my shit and it feels pretty good. Like I gotta, I don't know, I gotta keep doing this type of stuff because I don't want to be, I don't want to be a rage on my whole fucking life. And I don't know you guys, oh that's gonna affect your comedy. No it isn't, believe me. I get plenty left in the reserve tank for when I get on stage. All right Let's read some of your questions here for this week. All right All right. Well, here's a note from Andrew Bill got tons of emails from people who watched and loved last week's Simpsons episode as well as this guy Who suggests you check it out?

Starting point is 01:46:18 No, this guy didn't know I was in the episode said hey Bill next time you're trying to get your ginger ass in shape for 20 minutes turn on the newest Sim newest Simpson episode and watch it during, between your legs during Pilates. There are Patriots and Boston references and I think you'd really like it. I hope to hear you laugh about it in the podcast, not on the podcast. Yes sir, I was actually, I was in that episode. I was the guy who said, we won 12 division titles in the last 10 years, fair and square. I was the guy in the, uh, in the tunnel. And, uh, I think I did one of the, Nia said I did one other one. I didn't record.

Starting point is 01:47:00 I think I was in the other room by that. Um, all right. Westworld, not saying I didn't watch and love the episode, but I have like fucking ADD. I can only sit there for so goddamn long. I'm scatterbrained. All right, Westworld. Hey, BillyBot, I'm fascinated with artificial intelligence. You mentioned Westworld in a 60-minute piece last week, and I wanted to share with you this perspective on AI. Westworld is the most

Starting point is 01:47:26 compelling aspect of AI's advancement. Westworld is the most... I think he meant to go Westworld. He goes the most compelling aspect of AI's advancement is that when it does in fact surpass the human brain in all aspects and begins to consider self-preservation, it will happen almost completely overnight as far as the public is concerned. I suggest you watch this short Ted Talk by Sam Harris. I actually watched that. We will put up the link.

Starting point is 01:47:59 He also talks about the political implications on the world stage, i.e. would China launch an attack if they thought we were dangerously close to losing control of our technology. It seems as if...see this is why, you know, I already can't read, this guy writes a sentence, it seems as if though you would need all world leaders, as if though, is that that because that grammatically correct? Oh It seems as if comma which isn't there though You would need all world leaders and tech leaders to focus their efforts on controlling the AI instead of advancing it further Period I don't know how to read that sentence This seems unlikely. It'd be like jerking off to just the point before completion for the rest of eternity.

Starting point is 01:48:47 Good luck out there. Oh, yeah, all the world leaders would want to try to control it. Yeah, no, it's not going to happen. I don't understand why we're doing it. And I don't understand why there has to be these constant technological improvements. It's just all based on money. I mean, what if it just stopped right here? Like how fucking great is your life right now? If you're in a first world country, you're not the person putting together these devices

Starting point is 01:49:17 that makes our lives so great in a third world country. It's fine. We should have just fucking, we're just sitting at the blackjack table rather than just taking our winnings and just going back to our room. We're just fucking sitting here and eventually we're gonna, we're just gonna crap out. We're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna lose it all. I absolutely believe that 100 fucking percent. And I think it is just so fucked up weird and bizarre that even if you're not a conspiracy

Starting point is 01:49:45 theorist, what is the fucking purpose of making robots to this goddamn level? You know what I mean? It's just a bunch of fucking weirdos at the top. I'm telling you, they want to phase out the rest of us and they just want a bunch of zombies that will do whatever the fuck they want them to do and that they can fucking do whatever the hell they want them to do and that they can fucking do whatever the hell they want to them and then eventually they'll just take them over and they'll fucking kill them or is that like one of the many movies that I've watched about it anyways I you know I'm a paranoid psycho but I think in this

Starting point is 01:50:18 instance I think it's good to be paranoid all right roommate psycho hey there you freckly bastard I've been living with the guy for about six months. We've known each other for about a year. Everything has been good between us with no issues, which is weird because I never have a good experience with roommates. Well, if you never have a good experience, you got to start looking at yourself. Either who you're picking or maybe you're the asshole. You know, maybe you're a cunt. All right. Anyways, over the weekend I went out of town to visit family and while I was away he got drunk, went into my room, tore up a body pillow on my bed.

Starting point is 01:50:55 When I got back he had a guilty look on his face, told me that what happened and then apologized. Needless to say it was fucking awkward and all I could say was that strange behavior and tried to break the awkwardness by kind of jokingly asking him not to kill me. Nothing else has been said since regarding the issue. What do you think I should do? I want to talk to a psychiatrist to see what he thinks, but I figure you are the next best option.

Starting point is 01:51:23 In other words, you're too cheap to get a professional opinion you're gonna ask me. First things first I get a lock on my bedroom door. Dude if you're literally concerned for your safety I would fucking move out. That's what I would do. I would basically I would get another fucking place without telling this fucking person I would move 80% of my shit over there I would then fucking tell him in the presence of one of my friends that I was leaving And you know, and I would just you know pay for the last half of the month And I would get the fuck out of there

Starting point is 01:52:00 Dude, if you're honestly, if you're gonna go see a psychiatrist And you're worried that this guy's gonna do some sort of bodily harm to you I would get the fuck out of there. Dude, if you're honestly, if you're gonna go see a psychiatrist and you're worried that this guy's gonna do some sort of bodily harm to you, I would get the fuck out of there. I don't care how nice an apartment it is, I don't give a shit if your name's on the fucking lease, I would just leave. The fact that he got drunk and went into your room and like violently attacked a body pillow, I mean, and you're sitting there going like, did what, when he was, he's so drunk that he went in there, he saw that giant lump and he thought it was me under the pillows and that could have been Yeah, fuck that guy. And why do you have to feel awkward around him? Why do you have to break the tension?

Starting point is 01:52:35 Yeah, you should have been like dude that's that's completely psychotic behavior I need you to fucking move out You say that after you get rid of all the knives You say that after you get rid of all the knives. Yeah, I would just, yeah, move on. Get the fuck out of there. Alright, Russia, ready for war? War? War? Hey Bill, did you hear Russia called all its foreign dignitaries back to the homeland? This isn't uncommon before an attack, but also probably just a scare tactic. If one day someone came on the news and said Russia threatened to bomb the West Coast,

Starting point is 01:53:04 what would your state of mind be? I would be completely chill Would you be like nah never gonna happen or would you get in your new green car and hit the road with the lovely Nia and Cleo in tow No No, if Russia attacks us, I want to be the first person to get killed Yeah, I don't want to live through that. I Have no desire to live through a fucking world war. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:53:29 It's one thing to actually be in the army, you know what I mean? And you got a group of pals and shit, but if you're gonna be like the fucking, you know, just the old farmer in the town, wondering which army's coming up the road next, I don't need that shit. You know

Starting point is 01:53:45 Yeah, that's like that fucking the fat fuck there in north korea when he said he was gonna shoot a missile at los angeles It's like great. I hope you shoot it right at my house um I like the way the world is right now and whatever I was going to use the word cataclysmic, but I was worried that I wouldn't say it right Whatever fucking major thing happens like I I don't want to survive and I want to be the word cataclysmic, but I was worried that I wouldn't say it right. Whatever fucking major thing happens, like, I don't want to survive it. I want to be the first person to go and, like, you know... Yeah, just be sitting there with my fucking little...

Starting point is 01:54:15 downloaded music, listening to it, and then it's over. And then when, like... all the rest of this shit happens, yeah, I don't want to fucking live through it. Start all over again you know fucking people getting polio again in the mumps all right Cleo eating grass hello Bill I owned a dog for 12 years passed away in 2014 sorry to hear that sometimes when we were out walking it would dive into the bushes and chew on grass for my observations it usually exhibited this behavior if it's deworming shots

Starting point is 01:54:45 were long overdue, four month intervals. Deworming removes irritating flora that has accumulated in the gut. As a result of eating contaminated food or other nasty stuff, your dog may have licked off the floor while you're not around. A dog that is due for deworming has poor appetite, may vomit food, and sometimes lays lay down awkwardly due to intestinal cramps. My dog has shown none of those symptoms. My theory at the time was since dogs are not herbivores, herbivores, I don't know, ingesting grass was nature's way of getting fibrous roughage into the gut like a broom to sweep out the irritating gut. The end result was that after eating grass my dog would later throw up a chunk of

Starting point is 01:55:29 undigested food or take a huge dump and he would be fine for many weeks after that purge. Yeah, but my dog eats grass all the fucking time. I hope my explanation was clear enough. It may not have been proven scientifically or maybe it has. You could look it up. You could look up dog deworming. But I figured since you've complained about it in more than one podcast, and no listeners have written to you about it yet, I could relate my own experiences with that behavior in a dog. Nevertheless, the best solution would be stick to the dog's deworming shots routine.

Starting point is 01:56:00 I think we do that. Congratulations on your new jag. Thanks for the podcast. Yeah, I always thought it was like some sort of... I thought they ate grass when they were sick, but then she was just kind of doing it all the time. Who knows? I mean, who knows what the fuck they put in dog food. So yeah, but we always have her up to date on all our stuff All right road rage dear Billiom. I Have a solution to your road rage. Oh, okay. I'm all ears

Starting point is 01:56:31 It's a tactic I use to keep my cool when I'm behind the wheel behind the wheel bear in mind This tactic only works if the windows are rolled up Whenever you feel the urge to curse or yell just pretend to do, mouthing curse words and whatever else you want to say. Alright, I'm already out dude. That's just fucking weird. I'm not doing that. I'm not mouthing fuck you, you fucking cunt. Shake your fists in the air and pretend to slam the steering wheel.

Starting point is 01:56:57 Don't damage that Corinthian leather there. That's hilarious. Whoever upset you by cutting you off will see you losing your shit and fear for their safety, but the joke's on them, you're just faking it. You may look like a maniac, but it's also a lot of fun. Oh, I guess because it's so silly. It takes so much energy and concentration to just pretend to freak out that you quickly cool down and possibly forget what you got mad about in the first place. I hope this tip helps and congrats on the new car. There's a lot to be said for strength from the pack, especially when it comes to

Starting point is 01:57:28 European sports sedans. Best regards. Yeah, you know what I do when somebody cuts me off now in public, I just go, ah, you know, nice move. You know, I would have done that. I try to just, I try to find the fucking humor. I was at, what I was actually thinking of doing was having a post-it or something, a checklist in my car before I got in the car. And even if it's as simple as just drawing a smiley face, you know, don't let the cunts win underneath it and just, I don't know, just gradually driving down the road. The big thing is, for me, is if I'm late. Because I flip out even when I'm not late.

Starting point is 01:58:15 But if I'm fucking late, which is my fault, I start driving like an asshole, I'm flipping the fuck out. But I'm really going to Work on it and I've been great for like the last seven days but like an asshole I owe you always hear me on the podcast. So I go did you notice did you notice Nia? I'm still like a little fucking kid where I need like the attention and the fucking approval. So I'm not doing that anymore I'm not gonna do it for her fucking approval. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not gonna do it for her fucking approval. I have to do this you know because it's the right fucking

Starting point is 01:58:53 thing to do rather than trying to get praise from my fucking wife over the whole over the bullshit but I am I've decided I'm gonna I'm gonna beat this thing because I think I can because I never I don't know I never I never tried to work on it really you know what I mean like I I worked on because getting better as a comedian that happened I worked on better getting drums that happened I worked on getting a pilot's license that happened. I never worked on my fucking temper. I just viewed it as like, well, that's how I'm wired. I don't know what the fuck you want me to do,

Starting point is 01:59:31 all that shit. So I would like to be, you know, I'm just, I'm done being that guy. I'm trying. I can hear all you guys laughing like, there's fucking this is like it's just not gonna happen. Like sometimes I feel like I can beat my temper and then other times I feel like I'm deciding that I'm gonna like I can't dunk a basketball and it's like well I've decided that I'm going to learn how to dunk a basketball. It's just one of those things like dude if you have if you can't

Starting point is 02:00:01 jump you can't fucking jump. Sometimes it feels like that like literally I'm trying to like I'm gonna learn how to sing dude you're tone-deaf It's just one of those things like, dude, if you can't jump, you can't fucking jump. Sometimes it feels like that. Like literally I'm trying to like, I'm going to learn how to sing. Dude, you're tone deaf. You can't fucking sing. You know, there's just certain things. You just weren't born with that gift.

Starting point is 02:00:14 And sometimes I feel like my temper is like that. But hopefully, hopefully that isn't the case. All right. Let me read the last couple of advertisements here. Oh, what's today's date, by the way? October 17th. Okay Okay we're getting close. I was just thinking I pre-ordered the new Pretender's album. I think it's coming out soon. You know if none of you guys got uh Chrissy Hines' last solo album Stockholm, highly recommend that.

Starting point is 02:00:41 I actually listen to the Pretender's album when have to fucking work out you know some of their early 80s stuff and I know you're thinking like Bill don't you listen to like your fucking Guns N' Roses 80s shit sometimes it's just so fucking early and I'm so old like I need to fucking I need something a little more like just mellow you know it's just to try to fucking ease my way into it and I found that you know those albums have been great for me so all right there we go I think that is the podcast here for this week I'm scrolling now through my whole iTunes. I don't understand. You know what?

Starting point is 02:01:30 I can't play any of my fucking music. It says too many devices have already been cleared to listen to iTunes so it doesn't let me listen to it anymore. And I don't remember the passwords of anything else on any other device I don't know what other devices they're saying does it mean You know my old laptops that are dead. I got to turn them back on find the cord plug them in and And do what? You know On Unlet them listen to fucking iTunes You know?

Starting point is 02:02:05 Un-let them listen to fucking iTunes? Or does it mean there's too many devices in the house? I have no fucking idea. As far as I know, it's just my laptop and my phone. How can that be too many devices? But whatever. All right, here's the album. Alone.

Starting point is 02:02:18 It hasn't come out yet. The Pretenders alone. I know it's coming out in like a week or so, but lately when I've been like lifting, I've been listening to like the whole Learning to Crawl album. It's actually fucking great for working out. Who would have thought? I always thought you had to have this really aggressive shit. I don't know. I'm all over the fucking place and I can't figure out. you know, I got kicked off of my own fucking Facebook Somebody sent me something so these fucking pictures I don't know if I got fished or whatever now

Starting point is 02:02:51 I can't get into my I can't get into my my own account They said the only way I can turn my account back on is if I send them a picture of myself And I'm just thinking like well, how the fuck do you know what I look like? So I'm officially done with Facebook You know Well how the fuck do you know what I look like? So I'm officially done with Facebook. You know? Like let's see, I get- Okay, you know what, let me see if I can go onto Facebook right now. So let's see if my computer will let me, my phone won't.

Starting point is 02:03:14 This is just extra time, people. This isn't even the podcast anymore. This is just you- Yeah, see? I'm done. Email or phone? I don't even recognize. I fucking hate this shit. Now what I gotta do?

Starting point is 02:03:30 I gotta spend like another 20 hours trying to figure this out. It's not even worth it to me. Why do I care if someone phished my fucking account anyways? What are they gonna do with it? You know what I mean? Congratulations. You have my Facebook account. Fuck. See? There you go. This is new me.

Starting point is 02:03:47 If you told me it would have flipped out, I'd just don't give a shit anymore. You know what? You win. You win Facebook. You win technology. You fucking cunts. Alright, that's the podcast for this week. Thank you for listening. Thank you to everybody who's been coming out to my shows this week in DC and I'm really looking forward to putting this thing to bed come this Friday at the Ryman in Nashville Tennessee and then old Freckles is on fucking vacation for the rest of the year cannot wait. Alright go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. What's up everybody welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL edition for week number seven.

Starting point is 02:04:30 How the hell is everybody doing with your hosts here Paul Bursey over here Bill Burr over there we got Jake the snake from undisclosed location and of course we got the Beverly Hills kid aka the Greek freak Andrew themless. Guys before we get into the show we have to shout out our sponsors the bet MGM app you guys know it it's the best sports line app out there okay how does it work you download the app okay on your device and you use our code that's code burr very simple burr and all you got to do is deposit as little as $10 up to $10 okay in into the bet MGM account and you'll get $1,500 in bonus bets if the bet loses you will get

Starting point is 02:05:14 the money back so I mean it really doesn't get much much better than that you'll get the money back in bonus bets so it's all good bet responsibly guys the anything better podcast had a very good week with myself and bill going three and one giving the show a total of six and two for the week bill we're right there we're right there at 11 and 13 no no we're not gonna gloss over what paul versey has been doing the last three weeks what he's been doing the last three years Paul your September Your September looks like presidential debates over the last couple of elections But dude you're October you you are you picked nine of the last 12 games

Starting point is 02:06:03 Yeah, if I was a picture they all mean, people, every year, Paul, people write you off in September. When are they gonna learn? I know. You're like a great fighter, Paul. You come out, you're throwing some jabs, you're just feeling them out or whatever, a little, little this, little that.

Starting point is 02:06:18 And then September, okay, round three. Round three comes to paint. No, you know what it is? If I'm a baseball pitcher, the skipper calls me in the office and he says, we're gonna keep you off the division series roster. And then he goes, and we'll see you in the ALCS.

Starting point is 02:06:34 That's what he said. No, but you gotta have your blow up games first. That's true. We gotta get these things done in the dog days of July and August. You had a good week. I'm outside today. It's a long fucking story. It's all good. Yeah, it's all good. It's all good. So I got my safari hat out here like I'm on the Serengeti.

Starting point is 02:06:57 You know what I've noticed about those animal videos? They're slowly starting to realize that you're not part of the car. That's what, or the truck, that's what gets them to stop. You look like a giant fucking rhinoceros with wheels. Like they don't know what to do with you. But now they're starting to like, they're starting to realize that you're not part of the car, that they can kind of snatch you out of the car. Once that goes around the Serengeti, Paul.

Starting point is 02:07:21 Andrew, right after Bill says that, you have to edit in the picture of that lion, the female lion walking next to the van and the guy is sitting up there looking and the lion's looking at him and he just turns his head in slow motion and sees her and she's just looking at him. It's incredible, dude.

Starting point is 02:07:39 I'll say, you gotta see. Yeah, no, it's terrifying. Yeah, it's unbelievable. Terrifying. Yeah. No, they're starting to figure it out bears can open car doors. Oh my god, these big cats, you know, dude, they talk, you know, they don't like us the L you know, I think that that you know, something that could bring the entire animal kingdom. them together to kill a bunch of fucking people that look like me on a safari. Yeah. They could get a win. You think they like living on that little strip of fucking grass?

Starting point is 02:08:10 Does everybody gets a pool? Yeah, dude, those people are out of their minds. Those people that go on those African safaris and they're like, no, we're in Jeeps, they know where the animals are. The animals know fuck that dude. Fuck that. That's that's like getting in a cage with a shark swimming with that. And you're sitting there in the fucking it's a convertible. You're in a fucking convertible.

Starting point is 02:08:31 This like how come I don't get a gun too? Like what happens if somebody takes you out? Now what? Yep. Yeah, I agree. Fucking you got to everyone's got to have a loaded 12 gauge and know how to use it. If I was on that thing with you, I would elbow you and I would pick out somebody that was just fat enough that we could throw over the side. Just to get enough time. Just get enough time to overpower the driver and get the fuck out of there.

Starting point is 02:08:56 What did you like in what did you like this week? You had a good week. What did you see? Paul, you saw my text last week. I told I looked at the lines and said, I might as well be reading Chinese. I don't see anything, Paul. I don't I don't get anything. I don't get like the fucking Saints are plus three at home against the Broncos.

Starting point is 02:09:17 I mean, I know they got their ass kicked last week. I kind of like that one. I don't I don't get I don't get the Buccaneers. The Buccaneers scored like fucking 100 points the last two weeks. Yeah. And now they're at home against the Ravens and their underdogs. That's basically saying the Panthers and the Saints are barely in the NFL, which is essentially what we've been saying about the NFC South, that it is the DMZ. Unless Tom Brady's down there with Gronkowski and half the fucking Patriot roster, like nobody knows what's going on down there.

Starting point is 02:09:47 No. And I'm starting to think that's how they like it, Paul. Yeah, I think- There were lines right there, Paul. What are you looking at? We got to talk to Jake the Snake about some of the- listen, I think people are starting to be who they are. I believe in the Ravens, Kansas City Chiefs.

Starting point is 02:10:03 I mean, you're going up against the commissioner there. I would say, who else, who else did I like? Ravens, the Chiefs 49ers, they're starting to get healthy. Believe in Brock Purdy, the Lions. I mean, those are sort of the top four right there, I feel. I think the Ravens, like you said, that was the one. I think the Ravens are really starting to become The team that everybody thought they were gonna be at the beginning of the year

Starting point is 02:10:29 That's America's team for the AFC I feel they're good like everybody wants that we gave up on the bills I Don't know what's I feel like the bills are in like, you know a Post-deaf on digs kind of thing where this might be a little bit of a hangover year. I'm not saying they're done, Paul. All right? I would never say that to a group of people that have to deal with lake effects, no. You know? I don't think they're done, done.

Starting point is 02:10:54 I like Josh Allen, he's still young, still lowering in that shoulder, running over people. Enjoy that while that lasts, Paul. Right around 28, he's gonna start stepping out of bounds. Dude that Josh Allen throw that Josh Allen throw where Bill Belichick was watching it with the Manning brothers on the Manning cast and Belichick's going don't let him get out of the pocket don't let him get out don't let him get out and he gets out and he just throws like on the run and it's a perfect pass and Belichick just had to look like they almost didn't let him do it but he did it and I was like yeah and dude Aaron Rodgers and the Jets who would have thunk it with their defense they are in a must-win this

Starting point is 02:11:34 week must win I mean they're in a must-win every week yeah well no one's really running away with the division so I don't know that's a must win. I think it's a just to try to do that. That that I mean, I would feel bad for Aaron Rodgers, but it's like, dude, you joined the Jets. I mean, you knew what you were signing up for. What are you doing? Jake the snake, how you doing buddy?

Starting point is 02:12:03 Good, good. What do you guys think of the trades with Devonte Adams going to the Jets and now Amari Cooper on the Bills? Those are two pretty big moves. Big move, really big move. Takes the Bills to another level, you know, I think. And he's good. Amari Cooper is good. What's the injury report looking like, Jake? Well, for the Saints, I think I see why they're plus three because Carr is gonna be out again and their top two receivers are gonna be out as well and Olaven Shaheed. And Andrew was saying they played like three games in like the last 17 days. Yeah I saw something somebody was saying something about that too three games in ten days so they're

Starting point is 02:12:42 probably gonna be pretty tired. Broncos had a bad loss to the Chargers So I think that's a trap game. Yeah, exactly. I don't like I don't like that game at all Yeah, those absolutely suck and the Saints are fucking exhausted back up quarterbacks and all of that shit I don't know and Sean Payton's going back to New Orleans. Oh, he is when With the Broncos I'm sayington's going back to New Orleans. Oh, he is? When? With the Broncos, I'm saying. He's going, you know. I thought that he had run the course. I got kids. I don't know what's going on.

Starting point is 02:13:13 I'm the housewife of this show, everybody. We messed up last week. We messed up last week because it was going on if we were doing this for the third season. This is the fourth. So Bill should have went first last week. So, Bill, you're gonna go first two weeks in a row you got the floor buddy all right I had to buy last week let's see here what am I gonna do all right I'm gonna go with the

Starting point is 02:13:37 49ers minus one and a half at home I think the I think Roger Goodell is here too much chatter out there that the the referees are just always for the Chiefs and I think this is a good look for the NFL if they decide to let the 49ers actually win this game as opposed to letting the Chiefs hold ridiculously on both sides of the line on the final fucking try. I like the 49ers. The 49ers to to get a little bit of the credibility back that the NFL is starting to lose. Paul you meditating or do you just freeze up there? All right.

Starting point is 02:14:13 I'm looking all right that that that I think they're going to get some of I like the 49ers at home. All right. I like that. My pick my first pick this week, I am gonna go with, I'm gonna go with Aaron Rodgers getting Devontae Adams back. The reunion they had in Green Bay is back and I think the two, the line two is, I think the Jets should beat him by more than that. I think the, you know, the only thing the Steelers have is the coach, but I don't know

Starting point is 02:14:48 about this defense too. Yeah. I like the Jets defense and I like the Jets weapons and I think the Jets are pissed after that Bill's loss. And now they have a ridiculously double headed monster at wide receiver in Garrett Wilson and Devante Adams. So I will be taking the New York Jets. No excuses, A-Rod.

Starting point is 02:15:08 No excuses to Rogers this week. That's it. That's it, no crying. I believe in Paul Verzi in October. I'm doing what I've been doing every week, betting against my Patriots. They can't take, haven't covered a spread in a fucking month.

Starting point is 02:15:20 They're playing the Jaguars at home. This is a nice win for the Jags. They need a frigging win. I know we got a what's his face. Drake May was looking all right throwing it around the yard a little bit last week, but I still think it's new. It's in London. It's in London. If that makes any difference. It's in London. It doesn't make any difference. Yeah. Well, I think more people in New England have the money to go to London than they do in Jacksonville, if I'm to believe the stereotypes. Yeah, I'm just I'm going to take the Jaguars. Oh, shit, at least the game will be on TV. I can fucking see it. I'll take the Jaguars minus five.

Starting point is 02:16:07 Okay, Jake, what's the situation with the Colts quarterback? Sounds like it'll be Flacco until further notice, but yeah, it's still unclear. But I think we're looking at Flacco again. Also, I think I messaged the chat, but Russell Wilson's back. What happened to Anthony Richardson again? He got hurt. I think it was the shoulder or oblique. I don't really know where that is in the body. The oblique, that would be right here.

Starting point is 02:16:31 Yeah. Jake, you're not fooling everybody. We know you got the personal trainer. We know what's going on. You just messed the hair up when you do the podcast. I know what you look like on the weekend. Gators, bitches, where's Jimmy? Ha ha.

Starting point is 02:16:52 You know, I watched Back to School last night. What a movie. Oh, good. Oh, it's fantastic. Back to School's one of my all-time favorites. He goes, A, B, C, you're in the top three. What about how Rodney, if he's standing up, he can't even stay still. Like, his leg is always, like, shaking.

Starting point is 02:17:11 He has, like, restless legs. Like, the big one was when he did Caddyshack, because I think that was his first sort of big role. Like, he was just, like, he was just moving around the entire time. I like when he goes, I like when he goes, Jason, when I, when I dreamed about going to college, this is exactly what I pictured.

Starting point is 02:17:30 He goes, when did you dream about going to college? He goes, when I fell asleep in high school. He was just doing his act. All right, you know what? I'm gonna take, I'm gonna change my Giants getting three points against the Eagles at home. We're getting Malik. We're getting Malik neighbors back. Okay.

Starting point is 02:17:55 We were, we had a heartbreaker with no kicker last week again and the Eagles aren't that great. I like us getting the points. I'll take the Giants getting three at home. What's going on down in Philadelphia, man? Dude, I've seen so much shit on Instagram of Eagles fans just losing their minds. Um, no, they're saying that the coaches like it was like it all fell apart last year in like November and they haven't been able to get it going again. No, they were saying the coaches like the coaches on the hot seat to the point where like he's bringing his kids in the press conference. Oh, dude, that that

Starting point is 02:18:42 I mean, I guess, but don't touch the mic. Don't touch the mic little buddy. Don't touch the mic. Okay. He you know, he's having a good time. You know that shit. He's happy to be here. You want to know those you want to answer any questions you got any questions for him probably knows more than me. Yeah this is my neighbor she's got stage four breast cancer why don't you come over and sit down next to me okay let's talk about the game they're all wearing pink there's a make a wish kid sick bald just f*** it uh all right um just to let you guys know I wanted to show you this is the newest member of our family. He pulls out a puppy out of his shirt. Aww.

Starting point is 02:19:28 We might have to move him to homes. Why did I go for it on fourth down in that situation? Why did I go for it on fourth down, buddy? Alright. I just, I'm just delaying here. Got a wounded warrior. I'm sorry. All right, it's your turn. Oh yeah, they would have everything.

Starting point is 02:19:50 Oh yeah, some fucking feminist saying something. It's Halloween everybody. We're gonna bring out transitioning Nick Sirianni to answer your questions. I can't give them the hard hitting ones. I'll look transphobic. All right. I got nothing, Paul.

Starting point is 02:20:09 You want to take the next pick? I don't have anything. I'm kidding. I should have done my homework here, but last week it didn't matter. I love the Ravens, dude. But I don't know. This just seems like, that seems obvious.

Starting point is 02:20:24 I know, Paul, it's been weird lately. I'm just, seems obvious. I know I thought you know Paul. It's me weird late I'm just what I'm going into DMC. You know Like that guy after a divorce who goes out and buys a fucking motorcycle or something just fuck it I'm gonna get out. I'm gonna take the Buccaneers plus three and a half at home. Oh Oh Yeah, you know what makes no sense except that makes no sense, Paul. It makes no sense. It does, it does, because the Buccaneers are good, and I love that half a point in your favor.

Starting point is 02:20:51 They're good out there. You've always been a great friend. But sometimes, you know, you gotta give me tough love. I am a good friend. You're a fantastic friend. I mean, I'm there, dude, I'm there. You need me, I'm there. Phone call in person, I'll hop on a'm there, dude. I'm there. You need me? I'm there. Phone call in person. I'll hop on a fucking flight, dude. You never had a friend like me. It's like Lion King

Starting point is 02:21:11 You ain't never had a friend like me That's Aladdin, dude Aladdin, whatever He said it was such confidence, I believe For people watching at home, he's not exaggerating, even remotely. No, no, no, no, I'm not. Not even remotely.

Starting point is 02:21:31 That's one of the first things he said to me. He's like, Bill, I love you. I'll help you move a body. I think I can just walk out. It's like, wow, that escalated. I said, I'll help you move the body, and then I'll ask you later at the diner. Hey, what was that about?

Starting point is 02:21:43 I'm eating my eggs. What was that? What'd that guy do? All right, um, I Like the Buccaneers picked the half a point in your favor just gives you a good feeling doesn't it? I love getting that the bills are minus nine and a half dude. That line is really high dude. It's too high It jumped up to it jumped up and I just yeah, I mean the Titans are bad, but are they that bad? I don't know. Well, everybody's jumping on it cuz he got the new fucking wide receiver So everybody's thinking oh my god, they're gonna light it up

Starting point is 02:22:15 Only one of those teams maybe that you jet your jets to light it up. How about this? How about this? I'm gonna take the Lions over the undefeated Vikings, getting one and a half. I love that. Sam Darnold has still not had a clunker, but you know what? The Lions are really good. I'm gonna take the Lions to beat their division rival.

Starting point is 02:22:41 Yeah. Well, I just want to commend you on a one and a half spread that at no point did you say. I mean, it's a pick them. I know. I mean, that's your catchphrase. This is basically a pick. I've seen you go all the way up to three points.

Starting point is 02:22:58 It's basically a pick. No, two and a half. I think two and a half. It's four and a half. How much is he up? Jake, what were you saying? I'm going to take the Packers at home. No, two and a half. I think two and a half. It's four and a half. How much is he up?

Starting point is 02:23:06 Jake, what were you saying? I'm going to take the packers at home. I was going to say that Lyon's defensive end broke his leg at the end of the cowboy game. I don't know if you saw that. But yeah, the Lions are still an awesome team. I like that pick a lot, actually. Jake, you know what you are on this? You're like the fucking money manager.

Starting point is 02:23:23 You know what I mean? Paul, you want to get the i'm gonna get that fucking boat and with actually a boat is a really bad really bad investment i mean everything you were saying about the lions beating the vikings totally made sense and it comes out just like you know they're uh they're best defensive that uh broke his leg they're a real really tight-knit group. All four of them. And the other three defensive linemen are devastating.

Starting point is 02:23:50 All right, I don't know why I just said I just like it. I'm gonna take you back. Jake, I'm gonna get a hooker. I'm gonna get a hooker and some Coke in Vegas. I mean, have a good time, but you are married with children and it could be really bad if your wife finds out. I know you haven't been hearing the stories lately, but the fentanyl

Starting point is 02:24:05 issue in cocaine is still a real thing. Just because we're close to the presidential election that Jake, we love you, dude. You've been you're one of the reasons why we've been picking well. Yeah, Jake always with that

Starting point is 02:24:18 information, Paul. Every great sports show needs a Jake the snake. But you know what? Not our Jake the snake. He's he's with us He's with us. That's right That's right, and you don't get fired like fucking TVS Alright, backers minus two and a half over the Texans. I don't give a fuck. I don't know why I'm just taking the game Paul That's three now That was not on the updated lines. I sent. It's three Packers are given three.

Starting point is 02:24:46 Not on the updated one. The updated one say two and a half. Oh, all right. Okay. I think that was the one that I said, let me see, the one that switched back that I texted you guys. What, that switched back to three? Yeah, it went back. Yeah, it's a- Dude, my brain hurts. I don't give a fuck. I'm taking the Packers. What are we doing here? Taking it through. All right. Yeah. What's the worst case scenario, Andrew? I watched the Packers Texans game. It's going to be fantastic.

Starting point is 02:25:16 It's you know, you have birds singing either way. Good. All right, Jake, the snake. Do we have any do we have any injuries for the Washington commanders? I believe we don't. I believe we don't. I'm going to take the Washington commander. Oh, why do I look like I'm in an NSYNC video right now with that halo on my head? It looks good. You look good, dude.

Starting point is 02:25:41 All you need to do is chip in. The shine is on another level. I might have to go with Kojak for Halloween. I'm gonna take, I'm gonna take the commander's minus eight and I'm gonna use my good friend, Bill Burr's word over the hapless, hapless, Bill you taught me hapless. I'm gonna take the commander's minus eight over the hapless Carolina Panthers.

Starting point is 02:26:06 I just thinking about that game, dude. I like that. I like that pick, dude. Yeah. I like Paul Burzy in October. You know, I mean, we'll see. I did take the Giants. Paul calls me in September. I don't pick up the phone. It's all like, dude, I don't know what's going on. It's just it's gloom and doom. Bill's just privately secretly writing the opposite thing of what I'm saying in September to make his money. That's what I'm going to do next year. Next year. You get to pick first and I'm just going the opposite of whatever you're doing. It's listen, it'll all fall apart for me in October. You know what it is. It's the foliage on the trees when those colors come Paul He sees it better

Starting point is 02:26:48 Hey, you know what? I like weather. I love weather weather guy. I am that's another classic for as he quotes. I like weather I Mean who doesn't like a storm dude. What are we doing? There's something wrong with you? You don't like this storm. Yes, Like, listen, not that shit that happened in Tampa, North Carolina. No, no, no. I don't want biblical stuff, Paul. No, no. I don't need Jesus going by in a jet ski,

Starting point is 02:27:13 flipping me the bird as I'm bailing out my fucking living room. I don't need that, Paul. No. What I'm just saying. No, you're saying? A nice nor'easter. A nice nor'easter, Paul.

Starting point is 02:27:22 How about dark and gloomy two o'clock in the afternoon rainstorm? You hear it hitting the fucking roof and the windows. It's nice, dark. It's beautiful. Paul, you're fucking asleep with your mouth open on the Davenport.

Starting point is 02:27:36 Oh, dude. One dark sock on. Oh, dude, I got a pillow between my knees, fetal position watching a movie. Kidding me? The amount of mobsters that got whacked during an afternoon nap. They always seem to be smoking a cigar out on a patio. I can't never tell if it's just Italians know how to live or they wait for you when you're nice and relaxed before they whacked you. But the

Starting point is 02:28:01 amount of guys, they're out to dinner, you guys are smoking cigars, you're taking a nap, you're with your mistress. I mean, there's always something great happening right before they whack you. No, Italians let you eat. They let you eat the meal. They after the affogato, then we come in guns blazing. All right. Because listen, the kids got the antipasta.

Starting point is 02:28:21 Let them finish the antipasta before. Oh, by the way, not only, not only they ask you first, how was the veal? Does the veal all right? All right, we're going to get that. All right, get in the front seat. Um, dude, not only did Bill go three in one, and I go three in one, we hit a Monday night special. We hit it. Oh, Paul, we got him on the run here. Is that our second second one of the year second one in six weeks? That's right Once every month and a half. I mean, why would you watch another sports show? I mean, what are we doing here?

Starting point is 02:28:56 Alright, so what's the Monday night special this week two games? Ravens Bucks Chargers Cardinals two good games What's the oh the Cardinals line is what? Is that two and a half or three and a half? Three and a half? Two and a half. I like how the Cardinals are playing, Paul.

Starting point is 02:29:10 Do you? Wow. Yeah, they've been playing great. Kyla Murray's back and he's not like fucking having to run around like a water bug. He can actually throw the ball. He's got a little bit of protection. I think they did a lot of good things down there, Paul.

Starting point is 02:29:24 I think people might be a little bit too high on the charges. Look, you know what? I'll go with that. You want to take the car. Sorry, Jake. Jake, look at Jake. I can see Jake is twitching in his seat. I literally just saw it. Kyler Murray actually lost his right arm. What happened? Well, they are down a pretty key receiver, but you know, other than that. Wait, wait, no Marvin Harrison? No Marvin Harrison, yeah. Oh, that's a biggie. That is a biggie.

Starting point is 02:29:58 Alright, fuck that game. Alright, Paul, what about the Ravens Buccaneers? I know I'm justs Buccaneers? You want to get the Buccaneers but I don't give a shit. That's just me. Okay, that's me driving it into the wall. I want to win these people some money.

Starting point is 02:30:14 Um, well, you know what we could take the Ravens we could take the Ravens money line, which means you could still win your bet. Paul, I want to make a highlight video of your picks

Starting point is 02:30:26 in October and have that Mark Wahlberg thing you know from boogie nights. You got the touch. You got the power. Yeah. But then but then in September, you just see all the horrible things like remember naked gun when he went to the September

Starting point is 02:30:44 after all this said and done is something you're a winner uh it's like a great movie all right let's let's get back to it sorry I think. You know, sometimes when I see you guys on the West Coast, Bill, me and you, why, I mean, me and you need to be sitting at Cuban Seed right now, laughing our balls off, smoking a stick. I mean, what's, that's the only- Suck.

Starting point is 02:31:20 It's good for our longevity that we don't live down the street from each other. Oh yeah. Dude, I would still be drinking. I would be like 40 pounds heavier if I lived in the same zip code as you. Dude, I'd be knocking on your door. If we were like neighbors or like even like a, like a, like a town away, like a little couple like blocks away. And I'd knock on your door when Stacy and I fought and I would just go, dude,

Starting point is 02:31:41 you want to smoke these? And I would just have two cigars. Yeah. Paul, we would be divorced, sharing a fucking two bedroom within 18 months. Yeah, but it would be a nice two bedroom. It would be a nice two bedroom that lead that liver will be fucking hooked up. I would be coming

Starting point is 02:31:59 over being like, you don't even miss me. This is over here having the time of your life, aren't you? Well, yeah, I mean, you're just over here having the time of your life, aren't you? Well, yeah, kinda. I would use the pool more than you. Paul's easy to live with.

Starting point is 02:32:11 I mean, I don't wanna say. He's asleep most of the times. It's like, I don't even have a roommate. Oh, I'm an easy roommate. Yeah, I would be. Paul's betting on cricket. Paul, what do you know about cricket? A little more than I used to. Bill would tell his friends, he'd be like,

Starting point is 02:32:30 no, no, he's in his room till one. Don't worry about him. You don't get Paul, you let Paul come to you. That's what I learned doing the road with Paul. I never knock on it, let him sleep, let Paul wake up. You could stay in a motel six, if you let Paul wake up, he'll come walking out like, dude, how

Starting point is 02:32:46 great were those beds? I could live here. I was like, No, you guys don't think so. That was one of the most comfortable beds ever. But you know what? It's better than the other thing. The other thing is that guy you go on the road with that's like, Hey, dude, you want eggs at like seven? Yeah, no, dude. I'll see you at lunch. Um, or the drug guy or the pussy hound or not? No, all of those guys. Yeah. All of

Starting point is 02:33:11 those guys. Yeah. Yeah. Bill, we were. All right. We worked. We were a match made. We did. We did. We did our work and now look at us. Um, all right. Okay. Do you, we'll do, um, Baker Mayfield to throw one. Yes. What's the rushing under over for Lamar Jackson? You want to do Lamar or Derek Henry? No, I just want to see Lamar

Starting point is 02:33:38 because we hit it with Josh Allen. Let me see. My guess is going gonna be 26. Lamar Jackson, Derek Henry. What the fuck was I thinking? You know what? Cause it makes no sense. After all is said and done.

Starting point is 02:33:57 Oh wow. Pause the winner. Lamar Jackson, 51 and a half. Is it really? That's a lot, dude. Let's go under. You got to go under. All right, we'll go under Lamar Jackson 51 and a half yards to rush. We'll do

Starting point is 02:34:11 Baker Mayfield to throw one. And what do you want to do Bill Ravens money line, which means you could still win your bet. I know I don't give a shit dude. I listen this is about the making people the listeners money here.

Starting point is 02:34:26 All right, so let's do that. We'll do Raven's Moneyline, Lamar Jackson, Under 51 and a Half, Rushing Yards, and Baker Mayfield to throw a touchdown for the bill. You didn't sing it. You haven't sung it in a couple of weeks. Oh, well, maybe that was the jinx. Okay.

Starting point is 02:34:42 Maybe me not singing. All right, All right. That could be. Well, we'll put it out to the fans. You want me to fucking sing out of tune again? I already did the fucking boogie nights. Maybe we need to switch it up. That's true.

Starting point is 02:34:53 If we would. If you leave it up to the fans. We'll just switch up the lyrics. Paul's got the touch. Well, we're both 11 and 13, Bill, which means me and you could come out of this week ahead Touch. Paul's got the motion. Well, we're both 11 and 13, Bill, which means me and you could come out of this week ahead of the book going into week eight, baby. All right, yeah.

Starting point is 02:35:15 We'll see. All right, guys. There you have it. Andrew, are we still doing the touchdown special? Yeah. All right, so guys, the Bet MGM does a cool thing with the touchdown special? Yeah. All right. So guys, the bet MGM does a cool thing with the touchdown touchdown special, you pick and bet on the person you think that's going to get the first touchdown in the game. And guess what Ben MGM does for you. If that person

Starting point is 02:35:34 does not get the first touchdown of the game, but in fact gets the second touchdown, you still get your stack. I mean, that's your money back. You get your money back. You get your money back. Okay. You don't lose the stack. Take it easy. Take it easy. Yeah, give you a stack. Okay. No, you get your money back. Download the bet MGM app guys on your device use our code the anything better code which is burr burr. It's very simple. All you do is put up to $10 deposit and you get $1,500 in bonus bets. Even if the bet loses if the bet does lose, you just put you know, you put the code in and you get the bonus bets. Right, Andrew 1500. Yes. There you go. Those are our picks for week number seven. Everybody on behalf of myself and Jake the

Starting point is 02:36:20 snake and and and Bill Burr out there and the Beverly Hills kid will will see you next week and guess what? We want you guys to be responsible, right Bill? Isn't that what we're doing? We're doing this for fun. Yeah, don't be a moron. No, just bet what you can lose. We might have a special guest next week. Oh, look what I found. You lose for being a fuck. Really? Oh, we might have a special. We might have a fun guest next week. We're gonna have a fun guest who knows football next week if I, yeah, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so there we go.

Starting point is 02:36:50 We'll see you guys next week. Thank you guys for tuning in and good luck. Pause got the touch. All right, see ya. So I travel a lot, I mean a lot, perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy, and I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible.

Starting point is 02:37:36 Recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff, and before we got to the gigs we were like, let's just get an Airbnb. And it is got to the gigs, we were like, let's just get an Airbnb. And it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, it's communal living, it's just a less stressful place, more enjoyable experience. So when I go on tour,

Starting point is 02:37:58 I'll be going on tour in a couple months, I always am like, well, could my place be an Airbnb? Just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money and The answer to that is yes. Yes. It can be an Airbnb It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world turn your home into an Airbnb Give it a shot You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be.

Starting point is 02:38:26 Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.

Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-17-24

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