Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-19-23

Episode Date: October 19, 2023

Bill rambles about getting startled, Playboy, and trolling. **Bill's bluetooth headphones were unknowingly connected affecting the audio quality (00:00 - 31:02)  Thursday Afternoon Podcast (31:03 - 01:25:45) Thursday Throwback 10-19-15 (01:25:46 - end)  Anything Better NFL Week 7 Preview  Helix:  Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners! Go to www.HelixSleep.com/BURR and use code HELIXPARTNER20 BetMGM:  Download the app and use the code BURR200 for 200 dollars in bonus money regardless of the outcome of your first 10 dollar wager

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Jimabergium, eh. To Limon JimiPokeo Say Left, fucking Jodie podcast I pray Vomvreddi Something about Lundy What's going on you mother fuckers Oh man, I'm have, yeah, yeah, I have one of those days where it's like It's the universe trying to tell me to go back to bed

Because I because I will, I will, um, Mahlath, she had a rough day yesterday, right? And I figured out, I figured out broads. All right. I've learned how to respect these bitches. No, I've actually figured out, you know, how to be in a relationship. I just get it now. It's like you're with somebody that agreed to spend their life with you.

And if you're walking around being a grumpy content, not only are you wasting your life, you're wasting their life too. So check it in on her, right? Check it in on you. And, um, chat a bad night's sleep in my son kept coming in and everything, so I just said, hey, you know, why don't you go sleep in my office tonight? I'll get the kids ready.

Yada, yada, yada, right? And one of my friends, and she's like, you do that for me? I said, absolutely, she gave me a sweet kiss right on the cheek. Told me she loved me, you know? And she woke up the next day just glowing right as rain great mood been humming songs around the house fantastic right me on the other hand I sat there and watch fucking Instagram videos I watched a guy in YouTube teach me how to play

what do you do for money honey acdc and I was just watching it going i'll remember how to do this i don't know what the fuck i ended up stopping up by then it was like i swear to god like two thirty morning i was like why did i just fucking do that because my son shows up like four in the morning i think i got to bet at one thirty and uh... i just been fucking, I don't know, went downstairs, I mean, I'm waffles, we got the whole thing. You know, my wife's like singing this song and I'm just sitting there like fucking blurry, I'd write.

And so I go to one of my favorite coffee joints, I have to drop the kids off at school. And I get my wife wife what she likes. You know her de-cathed latte and I just go in there and I go with me I didn't get a quick towel right so I get that fucking thing. I go to get my car and there's somebody in the fucking crosswalk and this is impatient content of van and the second the person gets out of the crosswalk. I'm getting into my car with two coffees, and I just hear the van going, what? I'm going up the street.

And I'm like, you know, I like my left leg and arm. So in a haste, I go to reach and close my door with my coffee in my hand, and it fucking falls to the ground. I close the door, and you know what the van was actually he had changed lanes because he saw my car I didn't even need to do it and I spilled my coffee and it was one of those things it was just so sad I was so looking forward to it that I didn't even get upset and I was actually kind of thinking, like, dropping your coffee as an adult is the, that's the adult equivalent of like the ice cream falling off the cone is a kid.

And I was just like, you know, I want to make sure her coffee is still the right temperature. I'll bring it home and I'll just make a fucking coffee. So, I made myself a little cappuccino, sat in the back porch, did a little bit of fronch. And now I'm talking to you. And when I was on Instagram again, because I am, I have an espresso too. I just go back to back, fucking bank, bank.

Just thought I used to drink beer and a shot. And I see, Masha on Lynch, one of the greatest running backs of all time. I would say the most unstoppable guy since Earl Campbell. And talking to Shannon Sharp, Hall of Famer, right? And they're talking about the end of that Seattle Seahawks Patriots game. And you gotta see the clip. And it's amazing and everything that they say and everything. I definitely agree with it, but I gotta be honest with you.

And you're gonna say this is because I'm a fucking past fan. But like Bill Belichek is like, and I'm just gonna say this because this fucking assholes right now, acting like Tom Brady is the reason why we won all those Super Bowls and Belicechek isn't shit without him. It's like that fucking guy, first of all, Belicechek drafted him and then built a team around him for 20 straight fucking years and just kept with second round fucking draft picks and did what he did. and just kept with second round fucking draft picks.

And did what he did. And not to mention Tom would have only won five with us. If it wasn't for the brilliant coaching of Bill Belichet in that Seattle game, having the Patriots prepared for that play. Every mouth breather in the world is like, what are you doing, a fucking baseball? Everybody knew that he was gonna get the ball, right? So Pete Carroll's state,

I know I'm gonna break this down. He goes, I'll call this play because everybody's thinking, it's March on Lints, I still have another down to give it to him. He's fucking beast mode. I like my chances there, but this play here, the whole season has either been a touchdown or incomplete, it's 100% safe.

The analytics said it was safe, but he ran into a guy named Bill Belichet, who actually had his team prepared for it. And here's a fucking name that never comes up in that moment. They hear all of the moment, Malcolm Butler. That name is being lost to history, because everybody's so busy talking about like how fucking be Carol fucked up in that moment and nobody's looking at it like wow the genius of Bill

Bellichuk. It's kind of like the 18 and one Patriots. It's not that the Giants had the greatest fucking playoff run that I've seen maybe ever. It's not that Eli arrived and became the superstar of the fucking New York media state. Still game shit. That wasn't the story. It wasn't that the giants had this unbelievable run. It was at the Patriots lost.

So this segment is called shining the light on what the fuck you should be looking at if you understand football. Um, Bill Bellicic is such a fucking genius that he made P. Carroll look like the dumbest fucking coach of all time and P. Carroll isn't. He's a Hall of Fame fucking coach. All right, and it's very easy after something doesn't fucking work out to be like, well, why the fucking should just do this? You know, it's like all those fucking assholes when that that submersible.

When under all these fucking assholes, like, youible went under. All these fucking assholes like, you would catch me fucking doing that. Fuck you talking about. Look at some of the rides you go on at six flags. Fucking bungee cord to your goddamn leg and you know, and all of these stupid fucking roller coasters that they run 24-7 and occasionally spray some WD-40 on. You'll fucking get on one of those. You just don't have a boat.

Oh my God, I just spelt that fucking coffee. What is going on with me today? We're in the couch. She's gonna fucking kill me. Da-batt-it! Da-batt-it! This is what they always say, Da-batt-it.

Don't fucking wipe it, dab it. Fucking dab at it. Do do, hand towel. I'm sure this will work good. Something that's designed to dry off your hands is now being used to clean up a mess. I spoke to a cup of coffee yesterday walking up a flight of stairs. I didn't lift my leg high enough so I caught my toes on the next stair and I went, woohoo, did one of those, right?

What'd you do Bill? I'm like, woohoo. Fucking dump my goddamn coffee. I think this is a universe saying Bill, you're drinking too much coffee and you need to stop. Do you know what? I haven't hit bottom yet. So I'm going to keep going.

Um, anyway, so I don't, I don't know. I'm just Malcolm Butler, everybody. Just, you know, just have the decency because he knew the play was coming. Not only did he, he didn't just jump in and knock it down. he jumped the fucking route. And intercepted the ball. Because Bill Bella check had him fucking prepared. Remember Tom Brady jumping up and down like a little school kid he thought he had the fucking game was lost. People forget that.

Because he went down to Titty Town and fucking one with Tampa Bay right? Fucking the hooters capital of the world. He went down there and fucking one one with Tampa Bay right? Fucking the hooters capital of the world he went down there and fucking one another one then all these just did the level of fucking idiots who watch football all the time and all they do was watch the ball and like he won six there and then he left and then he won one and he built Belicechek has him one one cent so therefore all six of those are the fuck and the character Yeah, it wasn't fucking Belicechek. It wasn't Teddy bruski. It wasn't all these fucking guys that we had It wasn't all of these other guys. It was just Tom Brady. He was blocking. He was running

What about when they threw the fucking ball to Tom Brady was wide open? I can see Eagles and he dropped it. You remember that? My favorite part of that Super Bowl was then the Eagles run the same play and it's successful and then Collins worth his life. I've never seen it. Nah, shit. Now I got a phone call.

I got a phone call. Sorry, I had a phone call there. Yeah, calls was like I never see anything like that. It's like dude, you just saw it. Ha ha ha ha! We're at Willie McGinnis. On Grace fucking linebackers of all time. Like how many fucking games did that guy win? What about Edelman? Everybody talks about the fucking comeback against the fucking Atlanta Falcons what about that catch Edelman maze that no one would have a fucking made

Tom Brady gave everything Bill Bella check he just sat there with this dumb dumb but how how to build part cells through without Bill Bella check I am so fucking sick of being this right all the time guys I just can't handle the pressure anymore of trying to educate you fucking mouth breathe and more on I'm better than all of you. I'm just a man who dropped this coffee this morning and for whatever reason is yelling about a football game that we won 10 fucking years ago. Malcolm Butler. Malcolm Butler, do your job. Anyway, I want to have what a crazy we can football, huh? What a fuck, I mean, I gave you this, hey, my nuts. I'll believe, I'll believe two and two, two and two. What, what week are we in? I am, I can figure this out, I am 11.

It was 9.7, so now I'm 11 and 9. That doesn't make sense. Yes, it does. We're five weeks in, and I have yet. I have yet to have a losing week, betting against the book. I've only had one winning week three and one all right I've gone two and two the other four weeks and everybody would be like you know This is Bill Burr not Bill Bellachack. We have to get rid of this fucking guy And I'm just sitting there going like hey, you know the key to a good relationship is ballots I mean if we win all the time that people aren't gonna like us and then they're gonna accuse of this And I'm just sitting there going like, hey, you know, the key to a good relationship is ballots.

I mean, if we win all the time, then people aren't going to like us, and then they're going to accuse us of cheating because they're too fucked and stupid that they're not smart enough to learn how to beat us. So then they have to get on the competition committee and fucking change the rules of the game to tip it in their favor and then steal our offense. But that's not cheating. It's not cheating when you do that in Indianapolis. It's Indianapolis. They grow our corn.

Those people out there, they put their pads on one leg at a time as they go to their clan meeting. Oh, the caffeine. She's kickin'. I did fold that out. See, the other day in the helicopter, man. I was fucking crushing it. The only thing I had to do is at the very end, I did full-down see other day in the helicopter man. I was fucking crushing it. The only thing I had to do is at the very end is add left pedal. That's what I have to do because if I was ever to land on the grass there. That was just a little cock.

Because you want to look right down on your feet like this. It's a garage. That's a garage right there. Am I going to make it? But you don't. You look long like a fucking stud. Like, I know I'm landing this shit. I gotta make sure I'm straight. Because once somebody fixes this thing, I'm flying it over that fucking horizon. That's how you're supposed to be.

I like Billy Caffeine. Billy Caffeine has confidence. Billy Caffeine talks shit. Billy A. Billy A. I'm looking at the ground. This fucking show does this slumped. But jam is a fucking cock-eyed. You know what? I finally think that I talk about this. I finally figured out why as you get it as an old man, why your your ass crack is always coming out of the back of your pants. Why are you

talked about this? You fucking belly pushes the pants down below sea level, right? More you ass crack starts to show like fucking late me down Vegas. And then all your sins are fucking exposed. That's what it is. That's the analogy. It's like late me slowly drying up is your belly. You know, because it's not only your belly. I said that on Monday that it is your belly you know because it's not only a belly i said that on uh... on monday that it was your belly the third titty

is what i call it uh... your third titty you can have a belly because even if you pecs are fucking rock hard like your cock used to be when you woke up in the morning uh... even if you pecs are rock hard if you got that third fucking titty it brings the other two down it's like having a rat in the house. Even if your pecs are rock hard, if you got that third fucking titty, it brings the other two down. It's like having a rat in the house.

He's going to the feds. Your fucking belly makes your two pecs look like titties. And then it's just like, you know, you don't want that. Every woman in the world just feeling bad for your wife go, look at that sweaty fucking mess. Just trying to hammer away, you know. Look at that sweaty fucking mess. Just trying to hammer away, you know. He got one more fucking season on top with the league minimum. Anyway.

The fuck was I just went off in that fucking thing. There was something else that I wanted to talk to you guys about. And I, for the life of me. I can't remember. I'm also on pins and needles because, you know, there's something very important about that happen in my career, and I'm not allowed to talk about it because I told the fucking company line. Alright, this is Bill Burr, not fucking Bill Ma. Oh, I know what I wanted to talk about. No, I'm not telling the company now, and I'm standing with the people. That's what I'm doing. Right. There you go. Oh, Billy Herald, oh, I was talking about Billy AM. You know, this fucking shuffling, you know, when your slippers are just, you walking down

the fucking, the hallway down to your kids' rooms, the way you're moving your feet, your minds will be on cross country skis. By the way, that's another one. All right, if you're dating somebody who can't even fucking pick their feet up to walk down the street or across the fucking hall, you have to get out of that relationship because I'm going to tell you right now, that is a metaphor. They're going to be a drag. You know, like you have a go, give a go bet the ponies. Remember, they have the little carriages behind them

And you see that guy pulling back on his horse So he wouldn't fucking win because the fix was in that's what they're gonna do to you That's what they're gonna do to your dreams That's what they're gonna do to something else because there always has to be three examples. Why can't they just be two? I love how to is like well, you, anybody can come up with two three. You're like, oh, fuck, yeah, Jesus, that made a fucking point. And just the sound of them dragging those feet across the fucking floor. Every morning, you start anticipating.

You start waking up earlier so you can just go down and have a peaceful breakfast without the sound of them dragging their goddamn loser feet. Across the fucking linoleon. And what happens? You know, you get up early and where you going? You're going to- I don't know, honey, honey, keep sleeping. Oh, go down. Oh, oh, make your breakfast. Ugh. I think you just find yourself. Oh, go down. Oh, make your breath.

I think you just find yourself thinking murderous thoughts. And you're trying to rewinding in your head. Like how what happened to you in your childhood that led to you marrying a Shuffla Ladies when you meet a guy alright he's wearing a suit and all of that shit you know he's got his fucking little tassels on his loafers and stuff alright if you can you know be sitting down Tassels on his loafers and stuff. Alright, if you can. You know, be sitting down. You got all those nice shoes. Let me see those. You know, and then no fucking, you know,

bring them up a little bit. Look at the soul. You look at the souls of a man shoes. You'll see the man's soul. You'll see who the fuck he is. If the tops look really fucking new and the bottoms look like he got fucking dragged by a bread truck, you don't want to be with that person. Just a little dating advice. Just a little daily dating advice. If you are dating somebody that YONS and doesn't cover their mouth, and literally is doing like a fucking YON like one of those big cats in Africa. Except they're not bringing home the fucking bacon. You're gonna start thinking about having a harpoon and throwing it into the back of their throat.

And if you marry somebody that shuffles their feet and yawns like a fucking cheetah, like a lepid. Dude, you wanna hear a fucking hilarious text message that I got from a party of mine back in Boston Listen to this this this is listen to this fucking poetry And I'll read it in his accent my personal feeling is that these insoletowny types are getting exposed for this small town shenanigans types of getting exposed for their small town shenanigans. I literally wrote back that should be in a fucking movie. I mean, you could have pitched that line to be in the fucking depot it.

By the way, he was talking about a murder slash cover up. That was his take on it. My personal feeling, not his feeling, his personal feeling, is that these insulate, towny types are getting exposed for their small town shenanigans. Small town shenanigans murdering somebody and covering up fucking hilarious. Um, speaking of the fucking depotted, one of the great Hollywood combinations of all time I mean, I think I can promote somebody else's movie, right? Is that how a fucking works? Leonardo DiCaprio Martin Scorsese

Have a new movie coming out and I will be seeing that I'm gonna see that this weekend. Killers of the flower moon. I actually started to read the book and then realized 80 pages in that I was too dumb to do this. I also found out that there was a movie. Hey, the lovely Nia! Come on in, sweetheart! Hi! Hi! I'm doing my podcast.

Oh! Come here. Can I just read you one thing before I hit pause? This is what my buddy wrote me from back in Boston. Hi everybody on the podcast. Oh. It's been a while. It's been a while. It's been a while.

You know, I feel like our interactions are on my Instagram now. Not so much on the podcast. Oh really? Did you happen to know your Instagram page? Don't you just need promo? You fucking ho-a. How did you- Who told me a ho-a? I didn't call you a ho-a.

I could go, Lua, you watch the sopranos, you think it's funny. Real quickly. How'd you sleep last night? It was great. Bill was, I had, you know, I was having a bit of a rough day yesterday and having a sleep, I was traveling. Read, lashing out at her husband. I was a little grumpy. Let uh, through some things. I did not throw things. Stop, stop, stop,

stop, stop. You threw your words at me. I have to tell you that that hurt more than you actually throwing something. Oh God, you're the mainthroer of things. Um, anyway, you just reach for that. What was I gonna say? Oh, oh, so yes, I was having a little bit of case of grumpy. You and Bill said, you know, when are you sleep over the garage and get your nine hours? So I treat the ladies. So I should go sleep over the garage. Yeah, go sleep over the garage. Yeah, anyway, so I think...

Slash podcast studio, slash, look out room, slash. Slash, everything. Yes. The all purpose room. And I'm glad that I did because I had a great night sleep and I feel so full. Get to the point, your husband is awesome. This isn't about you. I thought it was. No. Oh, the point is my husband's awesome. There we go. All right, you got a

friend's spot. Hi, everyone. Bye. All right, I didn't even have to fucking stop. She just, whatever. Anyway, plowing ahead here. Yes. So don't marry a fucking shoe shopper in big yonder. Alright? And then I got a bounce aside. I got to give guys advice. Kind of woman that you should fucking stay away from. Most of them, I mean bang

all of them, but like stay away from most of them if that makes sense. That's my dating advice. When did a playboy become a fuckboy? They've really just labeled everything to try to make. Don't fucking listen. You know, all these, I mean, he said that, fuckboy, fuck you. Do you ever think that maybe he banged you and you just weren't interesting enough to be in a relationship?

Great, he fucked you and he left. Way less painful than him fucking you hanging around and listening to your boring stories and lying to you and saying that he loves you. Alright, fuck boys, formerly known as playboys. Some of the most honest people out there, you know, or the other way is they get their lie out of the way quickly. It's crickly understood that they just wanted to fuck you.

And who's kidding, who they just wanted to fuck you. And who's kidding who? You wanted to fuck him. He came in there with his blazer and he had his scarf around his fucking neck, old school playboy. He came in there. You were enamored. Right? You were enamored and you wanted to see what would it be like with a guy that could bang anybody but has decided tonight to bang me, right? And you live that life and your ego gets in the way. Your ego told you that you were more interesting than any other woman out there. You were the most interesting woman on the planet. Well guess what? You're not.

And this is the great thing about being a woman right is Even when you lose you still got fucked I've never met a guy that got laid and then she didn't call back and then what the fuck you done give a fuck I had a good time. I had a good time. I Wish to continue it didn't but at the end of the day was a good fucking time. Women are like, I thought I was giving you a good take. You're shit. I thought I was gonna have the option to work or not. They want that and and dick.

Dick. While listen to Beyoncé and acting like they're an independent woman, I mean, that is the world that we're living in. And then when you look at other countries around the world, and you see the way they treat their women, you start to understand, yes, it was wrong to give women this many rights. People, when we return return we're going to be talking about women's suffrage did we go too far is men did you guys ever used to listen to the fill handry show when he used to do shit like that and then he would he would imitate a fake collar calling and going like and he would just use like an effect and he would just be going like, yeah, I mean, I don't think, I don't think women should have the right

to vote. And he would just keep doing that until somebody finally took the fucking bait. And then he would just argue with them as the collar. And then he would, as the host, try to act like he was trying to stop them from arguing while he would egg the other person almost one of the most, you know, all of these people that think they know what trolling is. All right, all you goddamn young people with your whole lives ahead of you. I've drank so many cups of coffee this week that I'm surprised I didn't buy a Vespa. I mean once you drink as much coffee as I drank this week, like that Vespa should just show up and they just hand you the bill and you're like I don't want now just you're in this life now.

You know and then I do some pretentious video. You know the the American who tries to fucking act like they're European because they've never really been, they haven't been there long enough to realize that they're assholes too. They start romanticizing everything over there. Um, wait Billy, you talking about yourself? Yes! I'd love to have a Vespa, some douchey toothpaste color. Drive it down the fucking street. You know, get hit by a Nissan leaf, walk with the lymph for the rest of my life, and lie

to people that I was on a Harley. These are the things that I think about. Alright, let's do the reads for this week. Let's do the reads, baby! That's a new intro song. How did you like it? Was it tone deaf enough? I'm at five fucking Moto GP races behind and I know that Jorge Lorenzo, was that who it was? Jorge Mier, somebody is taken over, is in first place in front of

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Enjoy the music and then we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning Enjoy your weekend your cons let's go packs Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burnt. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for October 19th, 2015. How's it going? How I, yeah,. I just can't wait to get on the road again. Well, you know what? I can't wait to get on the road again because I'm an old man and I'm out here and I'm cold. Pfft. Ha, ha, ha. Ah, God, I love the Midwest, but it's right when the fucking winner starts, this can be kind of a motherfucker.

You know what it is? This takes me back to my days. Back in the day when I was young and I had mothreckles, and I used to do, I used to do all the college gigs out here. You know, my agent, Bass, Shula, used to always book me, they were based out, it's still our base, our Chicago and they said just booked me in like Duluth, Des Moines, the Quad Cities, Hayes, Nebraska, Grand

Junction, Colorado. Colorado wasn't as bad because you had the Rocky Mountains to look at it. You can be like, oh my God, it looks like a beer commercial. You know that guy who does those fucking random commercials, what's his name? Sam Elliott, we get on there. Cores beer. Brewing the Rocky Mountains. No, it isn't, no, it isn't.

They don't have a factory up in the Rocky Mountains. They don't. It's on the flatlands. It's probably somewhere in Denver. Although the rent's probably too high. I don't know where it is. Where the fucking shuttle in illegal immigrants in and out the back door, nobody will see it. You know, that's not up in the, you're not going to get illegal immigrants to go up to a fucking mountain. All right, there are

you like, listen to it. I already swam across the fucking filthy river to get in here. Okay, I'm not walking up a mountain. You know, if you're gonna fucking exploit me with my labor, we're doing it right here. And then they go, I build a factory around them. Maybe it is up in the mountains, I have no idea. I just remember at one point, I was rafting, not rafting, I was in a little inner tube, going down the river with a bunch of other fucking people

that was the same river. Oh, that's right, we went by the chorus factory. I'm like, this is the fucking factory. With all those, you know, those Denver hippies, there was specific kind of hippie, the Denver hippie, you know, with their action sandals, you know, same sort of look at those hippie toes kind of thing, but they also have that look like, you know, they're gonna go Swing on a rope and jump into a fucking lake Those Dan very hippie, you know them They're like fucking ski instructors for their whole lives right Like 50 you still got long hair, you know

Fucking go out and buy one of those squirrel suits, one of those flying squirrel suits, like that type of shit, right? I think I went from hippies into, I don't know what those people are, those people who jump off the buildings with their parachute watered up in their hand like a like a bouquet in a wedding, you know, and then they just throw it. We accept it saves their life, you know. I don't mind that those guns do it. It just bugs me that they have to film it. You know what I mean? You know, if you're awesome, I can't just be awesome. I just go do it, you know, the fact that you got a film that really knocks it down for me. You never saw Superman with little fucking GoPro on did you?

He just fucking went out and saved people then he goes home and puts his fucking Genean Graffalo glasses back on he goes back, you know goes back to the fucking the newspaper Dude Clark Kent couldn't close a fucking piece of pussy if he never he never banged lowest light daddy My grandad she had a crush on a superhero But you know you could work on her insecurities My lower she's not gonna land that I'm right here. Let's make a life together, right? Maybe you take off my navy blue trousers over here and do something give me a little help Can you get the kryptonite out of my nuts there? Lowy, right?

You fucking asshole's jumping around on those little flying squirrel suits. It's just, you know, I don't understand why you need to fill the need. You have to fill them yourself. It's a little more Superman. All right. A little, a little less, uh less Colorado Rocky Mountain hippie. Oh, they're the worse. They're the worse. You know, when you go to San Francisco and you run into a hippie, it's like you expect it. You know, that's right. All the leaves are brown and the sky is great. I have dirty feet.

Sorry, sorry. Excuse me. Here's you can kind of carry you to him. But you know, Rocky Mounds. What do you expect? You expect you're going to see that guy walking around with the orange crush barrel around him? Remember that guy?

I think he died. The guy who's going to go to all of Broncos games. You know, expect you're going to see that. You're going to see some frontier kind of ladies, right? You expect to see Sam Elliott drinking a chorus, chorus light, the silver bullet. That's what you expect to see. And then you show up and this is is this new fucking hippie. This hippie that skis hippies don't ski right hippies don't base jump It's a special kind of heat when you're up there too in the mile high city By the way, how about I'm on a hand for the Cleveland Browns this way this week, you know Finding 87 possibly 88 ways to lose

that game to the Denver Broncos. Grand The Broncos were fucking up too. Unreal. When fucking Peyton through that pick, if Eli threw it, it would have been dropped, you know, fucking Eli is the, I'm telling you, I don't ever want to see that guy on the other side of the field again the football gods love Eli Manning And let's he plays the Eagles the Eagles always play the Giants tough. There's always that one team You know, there's always that one fucking Achillesen, but I swear to God if Eli threw that ball You know that the light back backer went right to him, he would have been like,

I'm taking a look at him, he would have dropped it. And Eli would have got there with his face all mushed into that fucking helmet, and he just looked at it. Like Eli, he looks so dumb in a helmet. He should be still wearing his dockers with his pads underneath it, you know? But you know, God damn well,

Eli's gonna go down the field, he's gonna throw a fucking ball, somebody's gonna catch it between their helmet and their taint, it's just, it's over. Even when he fucks up, like just shit, just, it's over, you cannot beat the man. At some point, the glass slipper's gotta turn back into a pumpkin, that's my prediction this year, is Eli's gonna throw a pick in a big situation and for the first time in his career somebody's actually gonna hold on to it. That's what I'm hoping anyways. All right plowing ahead here so Peyton throws a pick because he's not Eli and the football gods don't like Peyton because Peyton

has god-like numbers and they're intimidated by it. They look at Eli they go oh look at this guy he's got a cold or something I don't know know what's, he's got the mumps, what's going on with his cheeks. So Peyton throws the ball, the fucking, the Browns intercept it. They're on like, they're on the fucking, on Denver's 39-yard line.

It's a tie fucking game. I can't even remember what was over time, I know, they had a bad signal on the bus there, right? And, all right so they're on 39 first and first in 10 you're on the 39 yard line football fence how long a field goal is that huh come on doodhamat little douchebag do the math yeah 10 yards for the end zone that's 49 yards plus eight yards when they got a hike it 49 and 8 is 57. It's a 57

Yada so they basically need to get They need to get a first down Okay Move the ball fucking forward So at the very least you you know, you can take a long shot at a field goal. 47 yards, no walk in the park, but these fucking kids can they can do it today. Yeah, way when they're little, they kick in virtual reality field goals, right? To their flat screen TV. You've seen the videos and

all of a sudden this sneaker comes off and breaks the TV and everybody laughs, ha ha he, what happened? Well, let's throw that fucking thing out and get another 800 dollar fucking TV. And where does that flat screen go? Why is there anybody out there that can repair a flat screen TV? When I was a kid when you had those fucking square TVs that were on the legs that weighed like 900 pounds, way heavier than a flat screen, right? Get it? It's like a fucking flat screen. like a, like a giant fucking iPhone, you know,

basically, relatively, the weight, you know, those old school fucking square TVs, you know, I don't know why they were like a safe, you couldn't move those fucking things, but still we did, you moved it out the door and somebody fixed it and you came back to give it a new tube. I don't understand why you can't repair anything nowadays. Then everybody's like, oh, you broke the TV and then it ends up in the fucking ocean.

Right? Get the fucking thing fixed, you can't. Do you know my wife got our microwave fixed? I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I don't even use the microwave. There's a long time ago I was doing a fucking show and one of the actors on there said, hey, I don't need anything out of a microwave. And I said, oh really, that's being why is that?

He's like, well, they did an experiment where they water these plants with water and they water these other plants with water that had been stuck in a microwave for like a minute, each day. Each day they'd microwave the water and there was no nutrition, no nutrients left. So I guess it doesn't really cause any cancer or anything, but it just kind of nukes all of your fucking, there's nothing in there. You just, you're eating like space is what you're eating. You're eating something that's gonna fill up the space

in your stomach is what I'm trying to say, right? They make any fucking sense, I don't know. I have no idea. I'm laying in a fucking bed here in Fort Wayne, Indiana. What do you want from me? The creepy downtown of Fort Wayne, Indiana. Jesus Christ, what do I do? Let me get back to the game here.

So they fucking, so he throws the pick. And what do they do they do they got three fucking plays the very least you got to run three plays to advance the fucking ball First play they lose two yards now. It's a 59 yarder The next play they take a fucking sack for like 10 yards now It's like a 70 yarder and they fucking ran it like a content it got just falls down Maybe it was two runs in a sack. I can't remember what then they got to pump the ball away You know what I did because I've watched enough football on my life I shut the fucking TV off because I like them like that to go that's it. That's the game It's the game right there. You had your fucking opportunity and you blew it

You know, it's like that brought at work, that chicken school, you should have asked out, you didn't do it. You know, and there you are, years later, tracking it down on fucking Facebook. All right, it's over. It's fucking over, let it go. Same thing with the browns, it's fucking over. So anyways, like I said, I'm here in downtown,

I'm in downtown Fort Wayne here, I'm gonna drive down to Cincinnati, and I love it out here, man. I mean, I don't like when all the crops are cut down. It isn't quite that time yet. That's the worst when you're out here in like February, the crops are cut down, right? And it's overcast, that overcast sky,

because it's so fucking flat. You can actually look out as you're driving down these country roads, you see where the overcast sky, you know, because it's so fucking flat. You can actually look out as you're driving down these country roads. You see where the overcast sky meets the ground and the crops are cut down, dude. And, you know, I never understood how a band like Slipknot came from fucking Iowa. I'm like, what, what, what the fuck are they?

So, God damn, I agree about it. Yeah, you're already in milk and cows. Meek and checks on farmersonly.com. I mean, there's a lot, not to be happy about out here. And when I went out there in February, I was like, okay, I get it. Now I get it, there's nothing to fucking do out here. 8, 7, 6, 6, 6, 5, right?

All of a sudden, I'll start to make defense Make defense making sense This fucking goddamn screen saving thing Fucking computer Five seconds I got to put my password and why are they acting like I'm so fucking important? I know are young, constantly like, who's going to your settings and you go and to your fucking settings, you douche. Look at this, I know what my fucking password is and I never get it right the first time.

Oh Jesus Christ, come on, come on. Did I forget my password? This will be fucked up. This will be embarrassing. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. One time. One time. Daddy needs a winner. All right, there we go. Just click on your finder and go into the settings and hit application. Hey, how about the Patriots, huh? Beat the Colts. Great game. Great game. Andrew Luxe. A fucking man dude. The guys are fucking man. I love watching that guy play

He's not a whiner takes his hits he gets back up. He helps the guy up. We'll hit him. He's just a fucking stud And I really realized when I watched the last night that it wasn't I don't hate the Colts I hate Jerry Jerry Jones. I hate Jim Urse. I hate their fucking owner. And I hate a lot of their fans. I had fun last thing in Fort Wayne. I was trying to get them to a minute ago. Come on, you guys admit it. A minute, the lights are down. No one can see you. Admit it. You lost by 38 points. All right, it wasn't because of the air pressure. Come on. Be honest with yourselves. Somebody said, Tom Brady was gay or he was a fag or something like that.

I just went on this whole riff about how beautiful a man Tom Brady was, you know, and how beautiful his wife was and that deep inside of starting with the person in the crowd that they realize that genetically, they had no hope of a woman like Giselle, really ever seeing them for who they are. Like they could literally walk into the room with their head on fire in Jezelle still wouldn't notice them and as they watch Tom Brady march down the field towards yet another championship somewhere in there in their brain the truth of that is is screaming at them. I want to do a dark place. Whatever. I'm in the fucking Midwest. I'm starting to cut the crops down. I was at the embassy theater last night and I actually watched this whole video on that.

I love old theaters that we're gonna get fucking torn down as people saved them. That's actually one of my soft spots as far as something I could get behind. I actually did a gig in Fresno and I talked to the guy and he was still trying to raise money to keep that thing going. That reminded me of how I told him I was going to go up there and maybe do a show or something like that. I can't remember if it was Fresno, if it was the one in Bakersfield. I don't remember, but they were both great theaters and I watched this whole video on it and like Bob Hope had his first MC gig here.

They always have the same history. These old theaters was always like it was a Vodville theater. And then it became a movie theater and then you know it starts to go down and like the late 50s and 60s becomes a porno house and then in the 70s they were gonna tear it down and then somebody came in and saved the fucking thing and now it's awesome again and the embassy theater basically had that same thing minus the porno house it was never a porno house, which makes sense here because they don't sell booze on Sundays like all the liquor stores are closed. They don't sell beer out here, but, dude, they got a minor league, whatever basketball

team out here. It's called the Mad Ants. Oh, fucking hilarious. A fucking great name. The Fort Wayne Mad Ants. I'm a nerd for this shit. I love this stuff out here. I used to have family lived out here,

you know, way back, way back, like a hundred years ago. And they had a farm. This is, I have this weird connection. I didn't grow up out here. My bloodline is from out here. Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, all of that shit. So I have this weird connection when I come out here. Indiana, Michigan, Ohio, all of that shit. So I have this weird connection when I come out here. You know, I have family lived in Wisconsin. All these places that I'm going to, so like they're

going to the city was Chicago. You know, that was the big deal. And so anyways, and I was hoping when I was going to go to Chicago that the fucking cups cops were gonna be in the world series. How exciting would that be? How exciting would that be? And I'll look at it. Oh, by the way, can we go back a second? Those, I don't understand people who thought that we were gonna beat the Colts by a thousand fucking points.

The Colts made it to the AFC Championship game. I just don't fucking understand how people look at it. And ESPN hyped it up that way. And then during the game, they're going like, well, what's going on here? Everybody thought that they were going to pick it. It's like, what? Because Tom Brady's dad says score fucking 60 points on him. All of a sudden, that's the line. That's like watching Toronto playing Kansas City. That's like watching Toronto playing Kansas City. They hit one walkoff hall run and flip their fucking mullets. And you know, you know, you fucking actors run in musical theater, that attitude run,

where they start to run sideways, looking at the crowd and then do like the head whip and then fucking run off stage with their arms dangling behind them. That's how Toronto ran the bases and everybody's like, oh shit, here come the blue jays. Given Kansas City, no respect whatsoever. Kansas City went to the dance last year. They almost won the fucking world series and here comes Toronto. These dirty, filthy bird cunts come wall send in like it's a foregone conclusion that they go into the world series and now look at you you got the old right there Fred you down oh

two all right so once you quit flipping your fucking batch and get back to playing the goddamn game so a fan like me can enjoy a nice seven game series. Now look at you get dumbed, you got to win four out of five. So anyways, I love Kansas City, man. I love the fucking royals. Goes way back in the day when the Red Sox could never beat the fucking Yankees. And like like three times in four years, three times in four years Kansas City played the Yankees and the... for the pennant is how they used to say it, they're playing for the pennant. It wasn't the ALC aspect. It was just for the pennant, right? Look at me. And I used to sit on the corner,

I saw a newspaper, it was for a nickel. Step right up, step right up. Extracts to read all about it. Dodge has a new car called Leopold. And that's the way it was, 1977. So they played him in 1977, in 1978 and lost, and then they played him in 1981 or played him in 80 and won and then lost to the fillies in the uh... in the world serious there so anyways yeah i got this way thing i don't like the toronto blue j's i don't want them winning our world series i feel like our world series

trophy belongs here in america it's one of the weird like patriotic things that i have like toronto played the yankees i actually wrote for the yankees as much as it would kill me but you know the fuck do I care they got 27 championships So I give a shit if they get 28 we're not catching them right to foregone conclusion You know they went on the run whoever goes on the run early on You know they they have it forever fucking Montreal when you fucking win in them like before the Titanic sank

Nobody's gonna catch it if you went on a run back then you're not gonna there was like nine fucking teams and yeah you had to win like two two playoff series dude in baseball do you know if you won the division that was winning the pennant there was no ALCS no wild card no nothing you just immediately went to the world series so you had to win one playoff series so I got to tell tell you, I got this weird thing with that like, you know even like the Celtics when we were in one like a we won 11 in a row or nine in a row 11 and fucking, you know 13 years or something like that. I mean, come on

Come on, you can that's that's beer league shit. That's what's so amazing about the Lakers is we did that and the Lakers still came and caught us. I mean, that's why I think the, you know, the greatest fucking franchise in the modern era since 1970. And they won the more championships than anybody since then. And as much as it fucking kills me to say, it's true. It's fucking true. They had that devastating combination of, they knew how to pick talent and then when it came into the free agency era, they knew how to play that game.

And we didn't. And that hurt us. And also, Lenn Buyers, Diane, fucked us out of at least one to three championships, depending on who you talk to. Oh my God. Lenn Buyers in 1986 are strongest fucking team and then we're gonna have lend bias basically Jordan light was we were all so excited I'm like oh finally I have a Celtic that can dunk you know because all the Celtics fans as much as they didn't want to admit it they're watching the showtime Lakers was so much fucking fun if they weren't playing the Celtics because you know then you're rooting for the Celtics but I used to watch some all the fun. They were on TV. I loved watching the lakers. The fucking showtime lakers. But come on man, I was actually talking last night when we were on the

bus hanging out and we were watching the end of the Patriots. It was so fucking great man. We had the bus right behind the theater and the theater hooked us up like a nine pack of Miller lights with the giant fucking opening, you know, so you can pour it down, you fucking bass mouth. And we were sitting in there, Varsie was finishing up a cigar outside, right? And we were talking about,

Bartonick goes, all right, your mouth rushed more of football coaches and he said Lamberti Chappenol Bill Walsh Bill Bellachek and I said the exact same thing I said I said except not Chappenol And I picked what's his face. I just spaced on his fucking name Don Coriel Air Coriel I just thought he was ahead of his fucking time and It really informed I think Bill Walsh coming up with the fucking West Coast offense. There was nothing more exciting coast offense. There was nothing more exciting in the late 70s, early 80s, the San Diego Chargers on Monday night football, knowing that they were going to throw the ball on

first down. Actually, you don't understand what a game changer that was. We lost 10 years away from three yards in a cloud of dust. We just fucking ran it, ran it, ran it, and then you just threw it if you had to which is why Johnny United's as fucking numbers are insane the fact that he threw for 41,000 yards during the 50s and 60s is fucking insane and which is why he's always in my top three four quarterbacks of all time but anyways to watch I don't know I absolutely those guys. I Know the fuck I got onto that thing. Let me read some advertising here before I completely space out here. We've got a couple of new people here. We always got new people It's a revolving door here in this fucking podcast with the advertising. All right. All right. How many more of these are there? There's two more

Let's let's break it up to my fucking brain is tired today. I'm tired this morning. Oh, jeez I'm tired. Yeah, but those broents How about those fucking broohoo who wins? They won two games in a row Why am I singing the Notre Dame song? Oh, that's right. I went to the game Yeah, once in the Notre Dame game everybody that's a bucket list thing I can just uh I can just knock that right off. Now where the fuck is all my notes here? I had all the subjects I wanted to talk about.

What the fuck is this? Oh, fuck God sakes. Why does this? You know what it is? I always have 50 fucking windows open. Let's close this one. Let's close this one. Look at it.

It's a fucking enigma. Where did it go? Where does the window go? Now you won't go up. Is this it? Is this it? Come on? There it is all right beautiful Anyways, what was I talking about I want you to know to Dave gay man what a fucking game

It was absolutely no defense and you know what I finally broke the curse. I'm no longer at jinx the home team what? Congratulations to know to Dave My god, it was crazy walking that campus. It was really weird. I walked that last time I walked that campus Was like I was a freshman in high school and I was out here visiting family And we went down to go look at it and I was all excited to see the stadium and went down to go look at it and I was all excited to see the stadium and thinking that I was actually going to get grades good enough to go there and I was going to go to law school and become a lawyer and that was like 30 fucking years ago.

The comeback 30 years later. Dude was more than 30 years ago. It was like around 83, 84. God, I'm an old motherfucker. Now it's 2015. And it come back drunk as a standup comedian, you know, walking that campus, just thinking, what the fuck happened? Just thinking all the shit that happened to me since then. I remember I was walking, you know, hammered, of course, and laughing, as I was walking the campus, and I went, you kind of took a different route there,

Billy Boy! This family of sober people just kind of looked over, I was just like, hey, you know, going down memory lane here, a little shit-faced, coming some slack. Last time I was here, Ronnie Reagan was still alive, and he was eating jelly beans, right? Blaming everything on all the north.

All right, the Jesus Christ, what a fucking game. We saw a game where there was over 1,000 yards off fence. So it was absolutely no defense. And I got to tell you something, I get so fucking livid. It fans from the other team at home games of teams that I have not, I don't have a dog in the fight, I don't give a shit. There was two USC fans that were driving me nuts.

There was one Samoan looking dude. I was calling a Mosy to Tupu and he Patriot fans, you remember that? He probably wasn't even Samoan. Remember Mosy's Mosy's and you're in the fucking end zone. M-O-S-I-M-O-C. It's a fucking incredible player for the Patriots. Like all Samoans are. You know, USC for some reason they had the lock on Samoan players and they realized that these guys are like, they're not even good players.

They're like Hall of Fame players. For some reason, they were the only ones that were drafting them. They're going out there and flying out and talking to their mothers, lying to them, saying, your kid's gonna make the fucking NFL and we're gonna fix up your fucking house out here. Whatever the fuck they tell these goddamn kids. So he was doing that shit and every time, you know, noted, aim, first play, like throws a fucking seven-year bomb for a touchdown. And he does that stupid thing, you know,

where your team just got scored on, and then you sit there nodding, like, okay, okay, like we can handle this, we can handle this. And you wanna be like, excuse me, sir, you're not on the team. What are you nodding for? And then there was this fucking old white guy with the most faded fucking USC jacket and hat so he tell

he was a fucking real fan who sat out there in the LA Coliseum. I mean it was like sun-damaged clothes that he was wearing. It's just like his skin. You know white people will wear shit till it's falling off our fucking bodies. You know what I mean? I'm telling you. We're fucking... I don't know what we are. We're sentimental and cheap. We don't fucking I don't know what we are. We're sentimental and cheap. We don't fucking put lotion on our faces. Our faces are all fucking sun-damaged. This guy was a mess, man.

This guy looked like a fucking dust-bolt farmer. And you know he was from LA, right? One of those douchebags. And they both bonded and they kept high-fiving each other and they were fucking annoying me. I was sitting there going, why am I so mad that these USC fans are USC fans? I just hate it when the other team's fans coming and they take over the fucking stadium.

But what I was psyched about was we're sitting around all noted-day in fans. Except for this one USC douche who showed up in the third quarter with this girlfriend wearing this camel hair coat it almost seemed with a scarf draped over it and it was just such a fuck I he was such a douche he was such a douche he had to like respect it he just looked like that guy you were going to see on American greed when he was in his 50s just Just complete sociopath, completely entitled the whole fucking thing. Like, you know, they have that expression. He's a comics comic, you know, a musician's musician.

This kid we were joking was he was like the douche's douche. Like douche bags would have looked at him like, oh, look at his fucking crush in it. Just in at one point, my favorite part of the game, because he was a USC fan. I hear him talking all douchey and loudly. And Notre Dame was down on the go line. They stacked like three receivers on one side. And he's just like, look at that formation.

Why would they stick all those guys? And then of course, Notre Dame runs it up the middle for a touchdown. And I just turn around and look at him. I said, oh, it's because it clears out the middle. And he's like, Oh, we're not even good this year. That's what he said. Oh, he's sort of a fucking joke. I'm right. This God damn scarf and listening to him losing faith. I just want to, I, the old me, what it actually got into with them. Being like, dude, why are you this guy? He showed up in the fucking third quarter.

But you know, he probably been like, oh, that's because I spent the first two quarters in the press box. My last name is Trojan. My dad owns the university. You know, he's one of these fucking cons. You know, but of course, you know, it was with a good-looking girlfriend.

She does. She's at that age, you know what I mean? She's gonna hit your wagon to that. She's with the good looking girlfriend. She does, she's at that age, you know what I mean? She's gonna hit your wagon to that. She's with a fucking absolute sweetheart. God that's got a suck man, if you have a daughter, right? She just marries a douche. You know, the two first of all, you don't want it, you don't want it to be hanging around some fucking pussy hound either, because you're like,

all right, this guy's gonna cheat on her, break her fucking heart, blah, blah, blah, give her a fucking STD. And then you get the other thing, it just marries a douche. You know, you get that weird tevele where like, okay, at least she'll be taking care of because you know, it has money because he's a douche and doesn't care about things and would pour shit in the water supply if it got him another scarf in life. All right. So you want him to come home with like a fucking, you want him to come home with like a fucking you want her to come home with the fucking I don't know with like a nice guy, but then you meeting me is a nice guy and then somewhere you're gonna resent that kind of

Like this guy's too fucking nice To really go out and make it, you know You're just gonna accept things, you know and Make pumpkin bread I'm a fucking idiot, alright? Let me just, let me just plow ahead here. Let's get to the questions. Oh, by the way, I saw a movie on the plane ride out here, a movie that I wanted to see. There was a movie called Dope that came out, I think, last year. It's fucking brilliant. It's such a great movie. And the performance is in it, in a way it's written.

The whole thing wired, a wire was just done. So perfectly. It's one of the best movies I saw. I was right now with my buddy. We were on the same flight. And we got another passenger to switch. So we were fucking hanging and drinking on the way out to go to this fucking game. We just had the best fucking time and I started watching that movie and within like five minutes I'm really fucking given the elbow going, dude

You got to put this fucking movie on and Just the whole way that they executed the thing was phenomenal So definitely check it out. You're like, what's it about? It's about a kid who lives in the inner city, and he's not in a gang, and he sucks at sports, and he's a fucking nerd. He's a total fucking geek.

It's the kind of basically black kid that they never really never put in movies. You know what I mean? Because it's like the other two are exciting, are living exciting lives. Like when you're in a gang, there's life and death shit going on. And then you know, if you're fucking playing in sports, you know what I mean? That's like, you know, three, two, one. You can have that whole movie think going and sad to say those are the two fucking kinds of like black guys that they put on TV they in gangs on cops are then on TV crushing your teams hopes and dreams that's it they and they never show the fucking nerds

That's it. They never show the fucking nerds that are down there that enjoy books and wanna go to college and wanna get the fuck out of there. So not only that is an original thing like, oh, this part of the city and they're gonna do this, this feels new. It's actually socially a great thing to show. There, I'm off my fucking tree stump.

It's a fucking great movie. All right, let's plow ahead here. So the cubbies are down to oh. Toronto is down to oh. This is weird thing that you know if the Cubs are in the world series, I'm gonna be in Chicago at that time doing three nights, I'm gonna be in Chicago at that time doing three nights, three nights of shows and my agent was already worried going, dude, that city is gonna fucking shut down. So there's a possibility we'd have to move the,

the show's later or, you know, who knows what the deal's gonna be. We have to accommodate the people in Chicago. So I'm like, I don't give a fuck, move it later. I don't give a shit. I'll scalp a ticket and go to the game and he goes, all right, done deal. So I actually really like the mets this year because one of the guys I work with on F is for family. Sweetheart of a guy is a big mets fan. He's a fucking diehard mets fan. And when I look like the mets were shit in the bed, he had this happy go lucky attitude about it going like, you know, because he actually got me into it. Like back in August, I go to the

Metz win last night and he just laughs, he goes, no, we lost again. I'm sorry, he goes, yeah, we're gonna blow it. We're gonna blow it. I go, you're still gonna watch so he goes, yeah, we're gonna watch every game. So just seeing a true fan like that, it kind of got me on the fucking bandwagon. But I also love the Cubs too. I actually for some reason it makes no sense as a boss to fan. I kind of really like the Mets too. But I also know the Cubs. You got a roof for the Cubs being a Red Sox fan, Solidarity. They're going through a curse. I want to see them win, right? Get that monkey off the back as much as I can't stand people who wave hankies during fucking games

I give you a pass if you're a Steelers fan because they came up with it the terrible towel, you know For the love of God can you be a fucking sports fan and put your hankie down? Standing up waving that thing the people behind you can't see it's the playoffs playoffs people want to see it All right, let's read some fucking questions here for the week Yeah, the playoffs come around all the duchess come out with the fucking noise makers and the hankies and the signs Get out of the fucking way. There's a reason why there's stadium seating So the person behind you can see you start standing up flailing your fucking arms around trying to get on TV The rally monkey

all right Halloween movies hey there Billy on Elm Street I would have gone with Nightburr on Elm Street are you into horror movies I've heard every podcast and I'm not sure you've ever talked about it. What movie scared you was a kid. There was a movie where this fucking maniac, this chick was skating. I've talked about this for a while. She was figure skating and then all of a sudden this fucking hockey play in Jason. They just show him skating in slow motion with his big muppet shoes. All right, that was a funny thing that couldn't give him like I don't think they gave him real skates because it would have seen two Fucking normal. He still had on his frankenstein shoes with blades underneath it starts fucking skating look like the muppets on ice But then you see he has an like a sickle Start skating towards this fucking lady and he pulls out the fucking This sickle and she's got the stupid chick figure skates, right?

Where you can only do that fucking scissor run, you know what I mean? You can't do the fucking hockey thing. It's so fucking hilarious to me that they gave chicks that, you know, you figured that fact that especially back in the day, you know what I mean? Where so many sexual assaults were like, well what were you wearing? You were asking for it. You figured that they'd give the women the better skates. So then the fucking rapist guys would, you know, would have to do that fucking figure skating scissor thing to try to catch him as a fucking would fly up the ice and they'd get away. You know? It's a travesty.

That once scared me on the first night, Friday the 13th, Friday the 13th, part one and two were scary. And then once it went into 3D, kind of went off the rails. Dark night of the scare crow. Scared the fuck out of me. Old school once there was an old

sesame street one that scared me where they were trying to teach you about the number one or being alone or something they don't show it anymore because it scared the fuck out of me and years later I talked to my younger brother about and said it scared the fuck out of him too so I imagine somebody wrote to the show say no it's freaking kids out he starts about it and said it scared the fuck out of him too so I imagine somebody wrote to the show saying it was freaking kids out. He starts the song and he's on the piano and he's singing and it was like three other muppets there and by the end of it he was all by himself and he was running around going hey, where'd everybody go?

And he couldn't figure out how to get out. You fucking scared the shit. I don't know what the fuck it was. The age I was at was dead. Whole thought of being alone and not near your parents. I was just old enough to understand that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I couldn't drive a car and that I'd never see anybody

that I knew anymore. And what the fuck, it was like one of the most terrifying things, all right. So I went to Sesame Street there. Anyways, he said, what movie scared you as adult? Anything you can tolerate as an adult, my personal favorite was the Omen. What was the one where the guy fell under the ice

and they were digging at the ice as he fucking went by? That one scared me too. The Blair Witch scared the shit out of me. I saw that by myself the midnight showing. I totally buy in when I go to scary movies. The rings scared the fuck out of me. I found the American one more scary than the Japanese one. And some of that shit over there, the audition.

Did you ever see that one? Old boy, did you see that one? Bobby Lee told me to go see those two. Bobby Lee knows all about those fucking things. And yes, it is because he's Asian and he is a movie star. And you combine the two of those and he's going to give you some great fucking movies. Yeah, I'm one of those guys that I buy into it. I hate people who go to scary movies and be like, that movie didn't even scare me. I was laughed into the whole thing, all of a sudden now they're like a war hero. It's like, yeah, you're at a movie.

The whole time, if you've got a fucking movie, you can just start looking around at the movie theater. Yeah, you're not gonna be scared, but if you actually buy in, which is what you're supposed to do, yeah, you're fucking actually have a good time, you can't. All right, ex-girlfriend hinting at possible reunion. Oh, jeez.

Ex-girlfriend hinting at possible reunion. Hey, Bill, love your podcast even though I'm a lady and thank you have no women fans. Oh, I assume this was a guy. Look at me, being all heterosexual here. I'll just get right into it and say, I've been having some lady problems. My ex-girlfriend, do you know how bad I want to have a beer with you and talk to a fucking woman about women problems? Just to hear that fucking perspective.

You know, with your fucking insight being a woman, you know, what are your moves? How do you fucking walk through that minefield? She goes, my ex-girlfriend, whom I loved for a long time and used the word whom I never know how to use that correctly. If anybody can send me something, I've read it on, I know how to use your and your and two and two, two, double-o, I know how to use those, right? But who and whom have always stumped me? My ex-girlfriend, whom? I'm just assuming you're using it correctly.

I've loved for a long time, keep saying she misses me, and hinting at us getting back together, even though we've been broken up for like five years. It's one of those relationships that never seems to die, not in the sense that we keep breaking up and getting back together. We've never done that, but that we can't just be like normal friends. There's always some underlying romantic feelings in our interactions. Yeah, it sounds like you guys had that sex vibe. You don't know what I mean? and then you're both relationship people and next thing you know you're hanging out, you have a great sex and then you actually know you're in a relationship. And then you really realize like, you know, we just sort of fucked each other's brains out, but other than that there was nothing else there.

But then every time you run into each other, there's still that, we cannot go fuck each other's brains out, that you confuse for the spark of love. That's what I'm guessing so far. Anyways, in case you're not familiar with it, this is typical lesbian drama. I didn't realize that, but it makes sense you got the same hardware, you know how the engine runs, that you would probably,

I would think that you guys were all fucking crushing it out there, right? Anyways, it's widely believed That we just can't let go she had a girlfriend up until a few days ago But kept flirting with me even when they broke up Well, she's a piece of shit that You can't get with her. You can't these fucking around on this other broad, right now she keeps saying stuff like What do you think it's gonna be like when we're old and married?

Oh God. And she goes, oh, I forgot. Oh, she goes, oh, and I forgot you don't want to get married. I'm okay with us just living together. I don't know if she's kidding or what. So I just try to dodge it by saying stuff like, I don't know, maybe I'll be dead by then. Yeah, exactly. She's getting in your fucking head. I need to confirm, no reject the idea of us getting back together. I just let her run with it. I'm not even sure why she's doing this. She wants to talk to me all the time now,

and I'm thinking maybe she's needy and has been for some time since her relationship wasn't going that well. That's what I would guess. And I'm just a safe target for her to throw her emotions in and get something back. There you go. There you go. I agree with all of that.

But then she talked about how she will never love anyone as much as she loved me. And when I asked her if she still loves me, she said, yes. You know what? Can I ask you a question? Do you love her? Will you even think about this broad until she got back into your fucking life? She's gonna fucking

Turn you all around. Oh God, let me read the rest of this, but I don't know what kind of love And what she wants with me if she's serious and just having fun. I'm not gonna say I've never thought about it But I'm not sure if I'd ever go back to that relationship. We broke up for a reason and even though there's still something there, it seems like a huge step backward in a way. Well, there's your answer. What the hell does she want, Bill? She wants your fucking clam. She wants the nozzle up next to you and have somebody watch a movie with and fuck around with again, so she can fucking drive your nuts and you got to go through the emotional drama again. And why now you're already answered the question because she's recently single and she's lonely thanks for your time in your free

podcast Lesbow phobic grandmother oh that's the next question I thought I tell you you signed it I'm like wait a minute your grandmother and you're afraid of lesbian you are a lesbian what are odds? That was gonna be the next one. Sorry about that. I would say, yeah, I would not get back involved with her. Fuck that. Fuck that.

You're still young. Go get yourself some hot piece that fucking is into you. So it can be exciting and new. Come aboard. Where to lesbians, let's hang out. And where are shakets together, please? Yeah, that's what I would do. I would move on. Oh, what she wants you now because she's recently single. Fuck that. She's using you. All right, you better than that. You better than that. Fuck that. And don't

give in to the fact, you know, just the way this whole thing's written, I feel like you're a better person and that you actually have more genuine feelings. You know what I mean? Which means you're going to be more vulnerable and easier prey. And I think she's coming in, you know, she's basically the lesbian version of the dude that sat behind me during the USC game. The douche is douche. She's like the lesbian's cunt, you know, does that make any sense? Probably doesn't, but I'm looking out for you here. I would say do not get back together with her. All right, especially over the holidays, you know, that Wednesday before Thanksgiving, when you just want to go out and go to that place, you know, basically the

lesbian cheers. Sometimes you want to go, right? Everybody knows your name and she's going to be sitting in there drinking some sort of pumpkin beer, you know, comes walking up to you wearing a dickies. Yeah, you don't need that shit. Fuck that. Go talk to that young goharry in the sundress. Do yourself a treat yourself this holiday season. Get yourself a younger hottie in a sundress. All right, let's both phobic grandmother. Dear Billy Ballbuster, before I get to what I want to talk about, I just want to say that I'm a big dude and you sir have inspired me to lose weight.

Good man, since April 3rd, I've been working out almost every day and have lost 35 pounds. So thank you for that Bill, you're a legend dude, you're a legend. That's fucking tremendous. That's what you got to do. Go to the gym every day. My big thing is I'm on the road for two weeks here. So you know, I've actually stayed on my gym schedule. I went to the gym the first day Second day was my day off and now the next three days in a row. I do three on one day off. So I'm doing my podcast and we're driving down to Cincinnati

So when I get to Cincinnati You know, it's not a long drive. So I'm gonna I'm gonna do the old treadmill. Hopefully they'll have a pull-up bar or something there So I can do my pull-ups and that type of shit because I have a bet with Paul Versey that when I'm 70 I'm be able to do 10 of those fucking things. I was actually thinking the other day. If I could pat myself on the back as I was on my pegboard in my garage which I have the long skinny one that I actually hung sideways. So I just go along the things sideways because you need like fucking, you need like a fucking,

you know, 10, 10 foot ceiling, probably 11 with the size of my head to go up a pegboard and have the head for them to get up to the top. And I didn't want to hang it lower and start, you know, with my fucking basically on my knees for whatever reason I didn't want to do that. And I was going across the pegboard. And I was actually thinking at some point, going, dude, I'm 47 years old, going across the pegboard. At some point, I got to be impressed. That's pretty impressive. And after Berk Khryser gave me that men's health thing to increase your grip strength that really helped me on the fucking pegboard.

And also my technique, I held, you know, when you hold it, you gotta have it, you're basically your forearms almost touching your bicep, you gotta have it. And then the rest of your arm is basically right on your side, you gotta get in close so you get more leverage. I was, almost, I had my arm too far away from my chest and I couldn't do it. So anyways, he goes a few years back. My parents got divorced after 17 years of a bad marriage. We'll put the final nail in the coffin with my mother's secret relationship with another lady

who is now her girlfriend, who I'll call Kate for the sake of this email. Kate with the Kate, not with the sea, like old Bruce there. She has since moved in with us, which sounds weird, but my brother, sister, and I all have a great relationship with Kate. Also, it wasn't just something, oh my God, can you imagine that poor bastard? What a mind-fucked that is.

Dude, if you're in a relationship, okay? And it ends and it turns out the other person's gay. I mean, you have to be sitting there going, this person never loved me. I just wasted my fucking life. And then on top of that, your family bonds with the new fucking lover. That's just a double mind-fuck. Like, is there any sympathy for me? What the fuck I'm going through? I legitimately love this fucking woman.

Wow. Anyway, she has since moved in with us, which sounds weird. My brothers and sisters and I have a great relationship with Kate. Well, that's, I mean, yeah, that's good. That's actually progressive. Also, it wasn't just something my mom also, it wasn't just something my mom just drove into in spite of my dad. My mom and Kate really do love each other and they have three strong years together to back that up. Dude, you got any sympathy for your dad? Here's the problem. My grandmother has grown farther and farther apart from my

mother ever since she turned lesbian. Turn lesbian. No, dude, she always, she was always there. She pretty much hates Kate. Dude, by the way, you can't turn gay, you gay. You know what I mean? You just, you're fucking gay. It's like, did you turn, had it with sexual? Was it a decision you made, you know, it like four or five fucking years of age, the first time, that's the first time I remember. I always tell this fucking story whenever somebody says turn gay. It's like you are what you are. I remember I was laying on the floor. There's this giant rug when I was in kindergarten.

And this girl asked to get up and go to the bathroom. She could go to the bathroom and I was laying there playing with some fucking toy, you know, holding it up like a little kid does. And when she walked by me, she walked by close enough that I could see up her skirt to see her five year old thigh, which sounds weird, but I was five. So I was crushing it, right? And when I saw it, you know, I felt like this fucking jolt in my heart.

And I remember I sat up and I just turned around and stared at her, she walked out like what the fuck was that? You know, there wasn't a decision made. So I imagine if you were gay Right, am I really gonna talk about five-year-old balls? I can't do that Yeah, it's basically the same thing But to say that you turned gay would mean that you also turn heterosexual, which mean at some point you were sitting there and You know metaphorically or hypothetically whatever the proper word, there was a dick and a pussy on the table and you were going, ee-nee-meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, meee, me and she believes she has perverted my mom. She won't even so much has come over for a meal and I can barely mention Kate around her.

Mind you, my grandmother lives only nine houses down from us. Here's my question, is there any way to make my grandmother more accepting of my mother in Kate? Her option hasn't budged in three years and I'd love for her to at least be cordial. Your infinite and hilarious wisdom will be greatly appreciated. Thanks and go fuck yourself. No, I'm sorry.

I usually offer a ray of light. There isn't, there isn't. This is gonna be one of these deathbed things that she's gonna have to fucking do. They're just, there isn't. When somebody feels that way, feels that way, feels that strongly. All I can say is just keep inviting her to stuff. Maybe eventually she'll come around. I was surprised that in all of this she didn't have anything about your dad and the shit that he had to go through. I mean,

that's fucking unbelievable. You know, they actually did an article about that, you know, when Bruce became Kate, you know, and they will go, oh my God, isn't this amazing? This is fucking, you know, and the death line gets the fourth of July, because everybody was so afraid to be on the wrong side of that issue, then all of a sudden, you know, they'd lose their advertising and then they couldn't make their mortgages. That's what most of that reaction was about, I felt, was about, you know, cover your ass. Let's get out in front of this story and show how much we, you know, we are accepting of this or like that pieces of shit ESPN. Let's ignore a woman dying of cancer who's still playing basketball and let's make fucking Kate the sportsman of the year so that we get the exclusive interview with her fucking pieces of shit.

Anyways, the fuck am I going with this? Like they actually did this article and informed article on it that wasn't home of phobic but actually talked about the people that were married and the depression and devastation that they go through because they lose that person. You know what I mean? Like Bruce Jenner is gone. And if you loved Bruce, if you want to know, with him, like his wife was, I mean, all of us, it just poof, just fucking, you can't enough, you go through a

fucking door. It's almost like they died. So, I mean, there is like a crazy thing there, or if you have a relationship where all of a sudden, there's nothing more definitive, I think, that if your partner never fucking loved you, the way you love them, if not only do you go through a divorce that they then You find out that the whole time that they were gay, so it's just like I would be going like oh my god So is that like grossing you out every time we had sex? I would be fucking devastated So I was a little surprised you got nothing in there about your dad. I mean he must be like fucker nothing in there about your dad. I mean, he must be like, uh, fuck her.

Is he crushing it? Maybe he's got some fucking young chick on the side. I have no idea, but I'm getting away from the, uh, the thing here. I would say no, there's, there's no way when somebody's that walled off. And, you know, on one level, you just got to be accepting of your grandmother that like she grew up in a different time and her child brain was filled up with this shit. And you know, it's fucking atrophy, didn't there? There's nothing you can do about it, but I don't know. Just keep coming over. You know what I would do? I would openly joke about it in front of her to loosen her up. You know what I would do? I would openly joking I would openly joke about it in front of her To loosen her up

You know That's what I would do I just remember when we remember that guy that old guy that lived beneath me last time when I had the apartment Way back in the day and he's always yell at my wife through the floors and he was a fucking asshole We just started being overly nice to him. My wife started whistling on Adam like he was a good looking guy and we fucking basically wore the guy down. And at some point, you know, before the dementia set in,

and he totally went fucking crazy. You know, we were standing out in the fucking porch with just a t-shirt on. And it was a hell of a sight. I would just openly joke about it. I would just be like, I would start calling or Kate that you hate. That's what I would do. Hey my mom and Kate that you hate, let's go down to the store. Hey, you know Katie that you hate? Yeah, they're going to go to the movie.

They're probably holding the hands right now, Grandma. They're holding hands, Grandma. Like I would just do that. I'd be like, come on, Grandma. There was never one, you know, though you never had one half a second gay moment, you know, there was just one girl. I don't know what she did. You just admiring her beauty and you, I don't know. Maybe you just wanted to kiss her on her shoulder and just try to gross her out.

And she said, yeah, I would, I would, I would, you know, I would break her balls about it. Every time I saw her, I would do that in the beginning and then I would talk to her about whatever I wanted to talk about. That's what I would do. And see if you could... And then I would tell Kate that that's what I'm doing. And then when Kate was there, I'd be like, Grandma, there's Kate that you hate. Oh, Haiti, Katie! There she is! Look at her! You know, as much as you hate her, you gotta admit this is a hell of a meatloaf sandwich

Granted, you know, you don't want to know where this fit those fingers where when you were she was making it Don't don't take it that far. I'm sorry had to get out of it with a joke. Um, all right girlfriend Fuck the yoga instructor hey old Billy ball tits how the fuck are you? I'm writing you because I need some advice. I just recently found out my girlfriend of two years has done some fucked up shit. Up until now, I thought she was marriage material. She's not like the Kardashian wannabes of today. She and I have so much in common. We always laugh and I love hanging out with her. No red lights, even no red flags. I mean, I've been triggered until now. She doesn't drink like crazy. She doesn't take off her heels and walk home. She's not a quid. Overall, she's awesome. But

recently I found out from a mutual friend that before she met me, she had a secret affair with her yoga instructor and That's not even the fucked-up park the yoga instructor is also her best friend's dad What okay our best friend's dad and she never told her best friend. Oh My god So that yoga instructor fucked his daughter's best friend. Dude, that is such yoga instructor behavior. Dude, I'm telling you right now in another fucking life, I would have been a yoga instructor. Dude, those guys fucking crush it like nobody. Dude, hot chicks, they all fucking do yoga, right? Because they want to stay in shape, but they don't want to get all fucking

bulked up. They want to keep that sinewy type muscle, right? They want to be all tone, but still look good in the fucking dress, right? So you keep like the pied piper, they just come to you and you get them all stretched out before you fuck them. And then you can have your whole new AG blah blah blah. I'm telling you right now take a yoga fucking class one time in your life and you know who the yoga instructor wants to bag. It's the one they always go over and they adjust them and they put their hands on them you know you don't mean they get the the moment gets to feel their fucking touch and they're all fucking open because they're fucking in this headspace like the whole the fucking vibe is

it's a layup. It was funny I just take this fucking yoga class and this guy was like crushing it and for some reason I was always doing the positions correctly. He never had to adjust me but the fucking chick next to me who was already totally stretching could put her foot up around goddamn clam. For some reason, he always had to fucking adjust her with their spaghetti straps. Fucking hilarious. You gotta love a piece of shit, yoga instructor. I fucking, oh, there's such dirt bags. And the whole time they're talking about all this new agey stuff, you know, just be, man, you can't fight it, you know, just fucking

give into my dick. Anyways, he said they fucked for a few months before she met me and came clean to telling me that it was true, but she regrets it. What the fuck do I do? I'm young, I'm only 22, but I feel like I have really found someone in her. But I feel like I can't trust someone who would be that deceitful. Should I move on or assume something like this won't happen in the future? Thanks a million and as always go fuck yourself.

Well those are two really great questions. You know, in defense of her, she's really young, and I'm assuming that fucking guy is at least in his 40s, and what he did was barely legal. You know? Dude, that guy fucking spit 20 years of game at her in a yoga class. I mean, it's a fucking layup. But also, she did fuck a guy, she did fuck her friends dad. So if she's the way that you say, well, she's this really wholesome, innocent type person, those people are also, you know know the kinds of people that end up in the trunk of serial killers cars

I hate to say it because they are so fucking innocent and that type of shit. So, you know, this guy's basically Jason except instead of an axi's use in his dick. I mean, that's just fucking. Oh my God. I can't imagine doing that. I can't fucking them that. I can't fucking, can you imagine right after your bust and not and you're thinking clearly again what the fuck you just did? And you know women are so fucking emotional, right? Jesus Christ, like, and they just have to talk. You never rob a bank with a woman. I mean, you caught before it's even started and then you do something like that and then oh my god, I feel so bad. It's so bad. And she goes out and has a couple of fucking lady drinks and the whole fucking town knows. Oh my god. Then your daughter is going to hate you for life. Your marriage is fucking over. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. Jesus, that guy, my, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, listen, just tell her all these great things that you feel about her, but the fact that she did it, did that, you just need to talk about it more.

Just ask a walk, we're way through it. Why do you think you did that? Just don't accuse her. Don't be like, don't be having a accusatory tone. Don't be judging her even though you are. I think the jury's still out on that because she's so fucking young and that piece of shit is so fucking old. He really took advantage of her. I don't give, I know it's fucking legal, but to me in my head like, yeah, you're a fucking pervert if you do something like that.

I'm judging the guy. I mean, she blows was 21, 22 when he did it, but that's not fucking right. That's, that's not fucking right. You know, Jesus fucking Christ. I've seen porno's with a more wholesome storyline than that, you know? Jesus fucking Christ. I've seen porno's with a more wholesome storyline than that. No, I would just ask her about it. And just why do you do that? What did you do that? Why do you think that you did it?

I would help her get through it in a therapy way and just buy her answers if that's like what she's into, then I would have some concerns that she would act out again. I don't know. But if you love her, you really got to sit down in a non-judgmental way. And by the way, dude, you tell me you haven't stuck your dick in some place that would give her some fucking red flags. You never did anything filthy. You know, I mean, I'm assuming you did.

Why don't you be fair and kind of, it's this weird thing where like you should be before you marry somebody, you have to, you got to judge them. You know, just walk into it blindly. You're green to spend your life with somebody. You got to, you got to judge him. You know, just walk into it blindly. You're agreeing to spend your life with somebody. You got to judge him harshly. But she already feels bad about it. You know, you don't want to hurt her.

But there's a way more of like a therapy kind of way. You could just ask her like, why do you think that you did that? And if she goes, well, why are you still asking me about it? Which she might, she might get defensive. I would just say, I don't know because it's, it concerns me. That's a bad answer.

What do you mean it concerns you? Don't judge me. Oh, Jesus, dude, this is going to be like dismantling a bomb. This is gonna be like dismantling a bomb. I just put it, I mean it's a hell of a story. Like how did you keep that a secret? How did you feel about that? She probably needed to get it off her fucking chest. I think the fact that she had to admit it to you shows that she's not a complete sociopath.

You know, I don't know. Let me know how that one goes. I gave you the best advice I could. All right, a bicurious girlfriend. Jesus, this is like the Red Shoes Diaries this fucking week, huh? Hey, Bill, recently I found out that my girlfriend who I've been with for a year now has been searching on the internet for naked girls and porn with hot girls is I was on her phone in front of her not snooping. Oh yeah, I'm sure you weren't snooping. This was of course news to me and I confronted her about it which ended up in her being embarrassed and upset.

She promised me that she's never been interested in girls in that way. However, she told me that she does find girls attractive Dude, what is the fucking problem? I love this girl and she makes me very happy this worried me because even though I am Confident young and good-looking male and made me feel insecure about myself and feel that I'm not enough for her. Well, that's very honest Love the podcast especially the vice I love the podcast, especially the vice videos as I usually agree with your outlook on different situations. So just wanted to see what you thought about my situation. Should I be concerned?

Or should I just forget about and continue to be happy with it? Thanks to go fuck yourself. Well, there's a number of ways that you can go with this. You can either break up with her and then you're not with her. You can drive her to an indulge in this attraction and then get yourself a threesome out of it, but you're probably going to fuck up the relationship because it never fucking works.

Once you have that open fucking thing, and then we have rules, I have to be there, and then eventually you won't be there, and then it'll be fucking weird. And there'll be three people in the room when you have to break up talk. I don't know, dude, I'm really big on not like judging people like, you know, when it comes to that type of stuff, like the sex stuff and the shit that they're fucking into,

because I still think we're just scratching the surface of all the shit. Like, I don't think we even understand it at this point. So I think it's perfectly okay if she's into that type of thing. I actually think it's kind of cool. And now I wouldn't, I wouldn't, there's no reason of feeling insecure. You know what I mean? Think about the porn that you've watched. This step, you definitely got something in your sexual fucking closet that she doesn't fucking know about. You know what I mean? Something that you're into, you're into like older chicks. So who the fuck knows what, right? Who the fuck knows?

I think, I think like, to really have a great relationship, you kind of, you just got to accept them. There's that fine line where you have to know what you're willing to accept and what you're not willing to accept. You got to know where that line is when you're young, I think you're still learning that, so that's why you're writing me. Just figure out where that line is.

And if the person's on this side of that line, then you just have to be totally accepting of them. And once they know that, they can relax, and you have a great fucking relationship, you know? Not to to my own horn, but I have a great relationship with my wife, and part of it is because we do that with each other. Like, she, you know, she accepts me for the fucking lunatic that I am and I am a fucking lunatic like I don't the weird thing of me getting with her is I realized how fucking nuts I am and I don't mean like hey I'm a crazy guy I like to drink beer and smoke cigars I mean like there's something fucking a little off about me and she accepts it

just give a fuck you know know, on the surface, I'm a great guy. I'm sitting there making pumpkin bread, you know, working my ass off, bringing all money. But underneath there, like, I'm a fucking, I'm a lunatic. And I'm such a psycho that I'm only just now realizing it. I can't even, I can't even like verbalize what it is about me that makes me a fucking... I don't know. I am unbelievably... I don't know. I am an anti-social son of a bitch.

I will tell you that right now. Do you know I'm sitting in a hotel room right now with a TV that does not get proper reception on a football Sunday. Yesterday I could not get proper reception for the games and rather, and I just shut the TV off because I'd rather miss the fucking football games than to call down to the front desk and have to socially deal with somebody coming in here and fixing the TV. I just don't want them in here. And while he was fixing the TV, I would be sitting there. I talked about this last night, thinking like, what if I just took my laptop and just smashed him over the fucking head repeatedly right now? You know, I just think shit like that. I wouldn't do it. But that's what I would be thinking. And the whole

time he's helping me, every time he would talk, I would just be in a hostile way thinking, shut your fucking mouth. And that's just one of those ticks that I have. And she accepts me. Oh, I didn't read the last bit of the advertising here. Oh, by the way, thanks to everybody that came out to the show last night in Fort Wayne Indian Theater. Looking forward to Cincinnati, gonna try to get some fucking ribs in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Looking forward to Cincinnati, gonna try to get some fucking ribs

when I'm down there, that's what they're known for. Alrighty, that's the podcast for this week. What's up everybody and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast, NFL edition, sponsored by BEDMGM and we're going into week number seven everybody and Before we get started of course we got a shout out the bed MGM Sports betting app. It's the best one out there and you guys have been using it for a while

We've been loving it for a while all you have to do guys is go to the bed MGM app download it and use the anything better bonus code which is burr 200 be you are 200 here's how it works all you got to do for our promo you put in $10 a minimum of $10 Okay, and you place a qualifying bet and then you will get $200 guys $200 in bets regardless of the outcome of your bet. So you just got to put $10 in, you get up to $200, please. Bet responsibly have fun with it.

They also have a survivor pool still going where you just pick the team, not against the spread, just the team. And as long as that team wins, you keep going every week to get prizes at the end of the season. Bill and I had a good week. We ended up, I mean, steady Eddie over there. I mean, Bill's just... Oh, yeah.

Oh, Billy, win some, lose some. Oh, Billy, what are you gonna do? Two and two. I've been two and two every single week this year, except for one where I went three and one. So I am two games above 500. Check out my new piano, Paul. I got there in the corner. You like that? Beautiful.

Taken some piano lessons. And we had New England brickmaster coming and do my fireplace. You like that? I love that. Dude, look at the stonework on that thing. You like that white couch? I mean, just I just sort of flowed around. I don't know why they put that beam in front of my front door. But, you know, you get what you pay for, right? I'm Sicilian. I saw the I saw the stonework and the white couch right out of the gate. Um, yeah, I went two and two again last week. So I am, I don't even know what I am. We were 20 weeks in. So six weeks in. I must be 12 and eight.

You are two games above. Oh, okay. Are you? I thought you were 12. No, not 12. Now I'm two games above whatever. Yeah, I am I am 10 No, no you are 14 and 12. No, I'm 12 and 12 now no six is 24. Yeah, I'll call what am I The 5 by 2 would be 12 and 12 I am I got it. I got it. I got it. I'm 13 and 11 Okay 13 and 11. Okay, 13 and 11. I am 12 and 12. Just 13 and 11, those 13 and 11. All right, you saw the key of fucking through, Cancer. I went three and one and I am now even at 12 and 12 after 24 games.

I had to crawl myself out of that hole. Paulie heats up this time, yeah, Paulie starts to see it. There's a lot of taking off for the headset in September and some heated passionate conversations with his head coach by October. Right around mid October. Paul gets on the same page and thinks starts to fall off. Can click and. Hey Bill, hey Bill, I'm concentrating. over Paul gets on the same page and thinks starts for can click and hey bill hey bill I'm concentrating. I got it takes a little time. Yeah, Paul you've been sleeping with your picks.

Sleeping with your picks here. Uh, what do you think about last week? Well, here's a body of mine took the fucking Browns had the Browns and the Jets straight up pick and winners. That's impressive. Yeah, the Browns and Jets, especially with the Browns and the Jets straight up picking winners. That's impressive. Yeah, I have the Browns and Jets Especially with the Browns with the backup quarterback, but I'm gonna tell you something dude now Bill you know me You know, I don't mind if my team and I love you. I'll be the I love you too But I'll be the first to call you up and go hey, we stink. Hey, we lost

I got to tell you something dude watching the Giants lose Monday night on a game that not only did they completely outplay the Buffalo Bills, the defense shut them out to the third quarter, and then to have the officials, and I know people are gonna go, oh, Paul, they stuck, what are you complaining about? They want to, dude, you can't be in the end zone grabbing the guy like this holding his arm down and be upset that you'd have to throw

it two times in a row, and that's what happened. Got me sick, ruined our season. If we win that game and we're two and four, we can salvage a season. Now we're one in five and we're in a big trouble. So that's what sucked. Other than that, it was an entertaining week. And I got to tell you something. I agree with all that other than you being two and four and then like you're going to

just start turning shit around here. No, but two and four. You're going to get a guy from Duke is fucking home. He's What I mean? Yeah, yeah, that's true. But look he's got 160 million reasons to be out on that fucking field the way I'm sitting I love those old guys that say that Oh, I feel it we're back in my day guy play with a broken leg. It's like, yeah, all right. Hey, that construction on the weekend. You know what, working out was when I was a kid, you had a second job.

You didn't have concussions. The guy got his head hurt. He got back in a game. It's like, yeah, fucking kill himself at the age of fucking 50. Because he, wait, whoa, all right. Jesus, whoa, you went dark. You went dark, yeah. Sorry. Um, what did you think of last week, Bill?

I barely watched any of it. I had, my wife came back in town. I had come back in town. What, no, no, it was my kid. My kid had a week off from school. So I was just like, I'm in dad mode. Oh, I remember what I did. I think we went miniature golfing.

Oh, no, it was like a playground. You went to an arcade, something, right? Oh, yeah. No, the arcade was there. Yeah. Dude, I took, uh, I took my daughter and one of her friends to go play miniature golf. And the other girl just was did not like miniature golf to the point. She thought it was like stupid.

I already love this girl. It was so funny. She was just sitting there looking at me. I was going, all right, go ahead, hit the ball, you know, with the club and she was just like, you know, you know, just hit it up the thing. She did like one time and then she was just bored and she was like every hole she was like walking up to whatever you were hitting it into like the windmill seeing if it could go into it. And finally on the fourth hole, I'm like sweetheart, you got to hit the ball and put it in the hole and dude, she just looked at me, picked up the ball, you gotta hit the ball and put it in the hole and dude,

she just looked at me, picked up the ball, walked over to the hole and dropped it in with her hand and just looked at me like, all right, can I go now? Oh, what? Sounds like she's gonna be trouble. No, it was exact opposite. She and her young age knew exactly what I knew. Golf is fucking stupid.

So you want to go play our Cades? A Carte game. What do I want to do, Paul? I want to go kill some zombies. What I want to say to it with this stupid putter. For 18 holes, hidden into a windmill. I already loved her. I love her even more.

I was dying laughing. No, no, that's after that. I was like, all right, you don't have to play. We're just going to get through these as quick as we can. Yeah. Yeah, I don't mean to.. We're just going to get through these as quick as we can. Yeah. Yeah, I don't mean to. I was just saying I picture her fast forward. She's 25.

A guy takes it to a restaurant. She looks around the restaurant, rolls her eyes. Oh, yeah. She's not going to be for the week. Yeah, if you're a dummy, yeah, that's going to be a quick meal. Who gets first picked this week, Bill? What? It's an odd week. It's an odd week. So that would be... I'm not going to lie. You had first pick this year. So it's week seven. So it's you. I love how you... You're trying to do the math. You forgot how to speak English. You go you had first pick this year.

That's you you go you get first pick on. Hey, hey, Paulie, I know when I'm supposed to go. All right. Paul, I'm gonna tell you something right now. I'm not gonna do it to you, but I like your giants getting two and a half at home against the commanders. I do I like you at home.

I like you at fucking home. I like that it's a division rivalry. I like that you got fuck last week. I like that the commanders won. But you know something Paul, I'm gonna leave that there for you. No, no, no, don't talk. Don't talk. Don't talk. You owe me one. It's a, it's a week you like the pets. You gotta let me know. All right. I like the, I don't know why this game just stuck out. I like the San Diego super chargers plus five and a half ad a ha ha breaker again

last week. But I just think I don't know. Casey's a little erratic. Division rivalry. Travis selfie. That's what I call him now. You know, now he's getting all this stuff here. He's out there. He's got this beautiful lady Singing like a bird, right? And she's sick, right? He's sick sick of playing football He's not sick of fucking snuggling with her in that little piano bench built for too is he? Oh, no, right is talking about me running in the flat Travis I'm gonna go with the charges. Getting five and a half.

It's a great pick. It's your barbecue, Paul. That's a great pick. Because even if they lose that game, it'll be by three. I like them winning that game. You know, something. The Giants were on my, I had a whole speech about how this was going to be the first week. I take the Giants since the debacle of week one. And then I thought you were going to take it from me which

you absolutely could have. You absolutely could have, but you were a giant. I wasn't raised that way. And you know something I like the Patriots getting eight and a half this week and I'm laying off them. So there you go. You're gonna have that. You're gonna have that. You can have it. I'm not taking it. All right. Don't, don't, don't, that doesn't count then. No, no, it wasn't, does it count as a favor? I see what you're trying to do. You're trying to pay me back with funny money. No, no, no.

I'm going to take the, I'm going to take my New York for what is this? What is this? How, after these fucking things don't even fit? What am I supposed to do with this? Huh? Hey, stay off that shit. That's what you, I left with the what?

That was the Henry Hill. He came with the guns and the silencers right there. It's turning your mind into much. the fuck, that was the Henry Hill. He came with the guns and the silencers right there. It's turning your mind into much. He goes, I didn't say anything. I'm going to take the Giants getting three at home. They got fucked last week, but I really, really liked how the defensive line performed. And I liked that Justin Pugh came off the couch and actually gave a little bit of a boost to our offensive line.

Giants getting three against Washington at home. That's one I got to see. I'm taking a giant. Okay. I like the, I'll tell you a game park. Even it intrigues me that I just can't put a fucking finger on here. Browns, Colts, the line I have is minus three. Browns, the Sean Watson have is minus three browns.

The Sean Watson is alto, but they played great last week. My crazy man information, but I'm going to stay away from that thing because I have no idea with both of those teams who show an up. All right. It's like dating and alcoholic on payday. They're going to come home. The agon straight to the pub. I like the, I'll tell you what I like. I like the Phoenix Cardinals getting seven and a half in Seattle. Now tell you why, because I watch that kid that they have. Of course, I don't remember his name because I'm an old fellow. I liked their defense and I really liked that quarterback

who's in there for the fucking guy there. What's his name there? The Dunkin' Donuts kid there. Who? Krispy Kreme. The guy got the bet with you that he's gonna balloon up and get fat. The water bug.

Got the coolest name. Not Canyon Martin, he played for the New Jersey nets. Uh, not Carmelo, no. No, I'm talking about the fucking quarterback for the Oh, Tyler Murray, Tyler Murray, Tyler Murray, there you go. I got a bet with all that at some point in his career, he's going to have a weight problem. Thank you. I got a bet with all that at some point in his career, he's gonna have a weight problem.

He's got a little nut, a little sideways that a buffalo white. He's got it in the face. He's one of those guys in shape, but if you look at his face, you know, you think he had a dad bought. He's got it in him. Yeah, he does.

Little Bernard King. Bernard King, boy. Bernard King got fed. Oh, dude. That's like 60 something. That's like 60 something. That's like 60 something. That's like 60 something.

That's like 60 something. That's like 60 something. That's like Bernard King got fed. Oh, dude. That is like 60 something. There's there's a garden legend. All right. Who do you got? All right. So wait, who'd you take? Oh, did I just take? It's a close Arizona Cardinals. Plus seven and a half. That's seven and a half. Oh, Billy's bottle. I like that.

I like that. I like that. Quarterback. I like that. Defense. I like Geno Smith. But I just feel like, you know, they sort of sputter. They stay.

They go and they stop. I just don't see them. Bill, who you kidding? You like the point five. You know, you like to have a point. Who doesn't? Hey, Paul, you know, I'm an ass man. You know, you put a little more in the rear end there.

I'm gonna fucking look at it. Ah! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha love that. Dude, I am really intrigued about tonight's game. I usually don't like taking the Thursday game. And Trevor Lawrence is like a maybe to play. That's the apocalypse now. Pick. Now, now, gundy your head Paul, it's happening tonight. It's happening tonight with you. Scary. It is. It's like it's in a couple hours Trevor Lawrence likely to play against the Saints are the Saints for real. I don't know Saints for real they're fucking erratic Might not No, they are they are oh boy. This this is a weird week for me. I'm gonna do it though. Why not? Why not?

No, we taking the fucking cats. I'm taking the jacks andville Jaguars to go in there tonight getting two and a half. Okay, Trevor Lawrence, a little banged up, but they're just gonna click. I've said all year that the Lions and Jags, this was their year and so far I'm gonna stick with it. I'm going Thursday night. Oh, Paulie's gonna have a W or a loss in the next few hours. But you know, I'm gonna swing in this week. I like jumping in a deep end. Let's do it.

I'm gonna take the Jax plus two and a half tonight going in there as dogs. All right, okay. And I like the Rams at home, minus three against the Steelers. I think the Steelers are another erratic team I think the Rams are kind of starting to put it together a little bit. They're both they're both scary teams I just like that the Rams are at home and I think in key positions. They're just a better team and

The one thing about the fucking Steelers is all you got to do is beat them in the first half and then you have the game because they do not change their game plan They like this is what we're doing This is what we're doing so I like I like that coach to even if they have I'm gonna problem in the first half to come back and beat him by more than three I'm taking the Rams at home minus three Paul minus three buddy minus three Paul you look good you look good everything all right family's okay. That's great. That's great. We got to get together We got to get together Paulie, you look good. You look good. Everything alright? Family's okay? That's great. That's great. We got to get together. We got to get together, Paulie. Oh, here's what I'm going to do. You know, you just don't call me as much. You know, it kind of hurts a little bit, but you know, it's alright. What?

Um... Then bullshit, neighborhood guilt even worked on you. You're like, what? I can't get out of the way. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to do team. I'm going to take the, I'm going to take the Las Vegas Raiders minus three against the hapless Chicago Bears who are one in five and erratic. And the Raiders are coming off a by-week and they looked really good that that in prime time, Devonte Adams is now rested up after his shoulder.

I'm going to take them there are better I like that. They're a better team. I wouldn't say the bears are erratic. They were they're pretty consistent consistently erratic. I got two teams down here. The spreads. I don't know who they're playing. Who the Eagles got and

who the Vikings have. So the Eagles have the Eagles have the dolphins. Both teams are five and one and the Eagles are minus two and a half. At home? The Eagles are at home. And who the Vikings play? The Vikings are playing the 49ers and the 49ers are six and a half point favorites that's in Minnesota. I'll take the Vikings. I don't know why, why am I gonna take the Vikings? I like that.

But 49ers coming off a fucking loss. I think everybody's gonna bury the 49ers. Yeah, you know what, I'm going to go up my gut this week. Paul, this might be my first lose in week. You know what I mean? I don't know what it is. I'm just hanging in there. By the way, let's talk about this for a sec.

That's it. Those are my picks for this week and now I hide. So you don't see the doubt in my eyes. Bill Burr going into week seven has not had a losing week. Ladies and gentlemen, you want to talk about getting shot out of a cannon into an NFL season. That's pretty impressive, my friend, because I'm the opposite. Like you said, I'm either throwing haymakers and knocking the guy out or, yeah, you're, you're crows,

crows, Castillo's the fight analogy I always use. Yeah, it's, that are Mickey Ward, Goddy, any of those classic back and forth, this guy's going to win. No, this guy's going to win. Speaking of that, I got to give a shout out, Sylvester Stallone's new documentary is coming out on Netflix. It looks unbelievable. What's it called? Me what's it called? It's going to be right on the first fucking page. I don't know. Hollywood legend. Typical me. I'm giving it a shout out. I don't know what the name of it is. It's so long. I'm sure it's going to pop up.

Okay. Did you hear Schwarzenegger on Mark Marren's podcast? No. Oh my God. I mean, those two have to be in a movie together. Oh, I heard one thing where he said I even thought it was silly. He goes, dude, it was just, they were complete opposites, but they both are successful. So it was funny. So Mark started the interview and he just said something going like, you know, how you doing? How you doing? You know, I, I know you've been going through, you've had some, you know, obstacles or something like that. And he goes, what do you mean I have obstacles? Why would you start talking about obstacles rather than my successes? And he goes, what do you mean I have obstacles? Why would you start talking about obstacles

rather than my successes? And he goes, what kind of person are you? And he wasn't insulting him. He was trying to figure him out. And Mark goes, I'm an obstacle guy. And he said, all that works for you. And it was just this one. Oh, good.

Now dude, it was like one of my favorite comics with one of my favorite movie stars of all time. Check that out. The WTF Podcast all right Paul I can't stand fucking cram engines What about cram engines what you just combined dungeons and cram engines. I can't stand cram engines I can't stand her munchens. Hey, what can I say?

Polly likes an appetizer. You know what I mean? A little surf and turf. He takes this word. He sticks it with that word. You know, yeah, you know what I'm saying? You don't like the fireplace, huh? You don't like the fucking piano?

Hey, listen, you know what you do. Mr. fucking Manny Ramirez. What you call a mani Ramirez? Mani Rivera. Uncle Vinnie's you call my cousin Vinnie. Oh yeah. Last day's a Dracula. Alright so I got my interview with the vampire.

That was probably the one that made my wife laugh the most. What did you call it? The last day's a Dracula. Oh wait. But I knew it wasn't that I just knew it was the it was the Dracula movie. And the last days of disco or something was out. All right, I got my fourth and final movie. They fucked up that should have been amazing. I want to say Mike Myers was in it. It was that studio 54 movie. And for some I never saw it, but I remember people that were involved in it,

were not happy with it. I'm like, oh man, what a subject, man. How do you fuck that up? Yeah. It was a missed opportunity, Paul. I'm gonna shut up now. Go ahead, sorry. Mike Myers was a fucking so talented.

Well, he's still alive, so I'm. No, but I know he's not really working. He's just kind of chilling in Toronto, but that guy's an animal. Hey, chilling in Toronto. Sounds pretty good, Paul. I love watching. I've having like the Shrek series and Austin Power series, Legend of SNL. And then you just go chill in Toronto with your money, Paul. Oh, do you know? I love beautiful lakes just north of that city, Paul. You have no idea what he's doing right now. I love a retired icon.

Love. I love that statement. Um, all right, man, you know what? Fourth pick is tough this week. I'm seeing what I'd never see in Paul Verzi. I'm seeing he's questioning himself. I'm seeing confusion. I'm going to do this, dude, because I believe in this team right now. They're showing me something.

I'm going to take the the Atlanta Falcons again. I'm going to take the Atlanta Falcons again. Their dogs at the bucks, they had a tough loss. They've been in every game they've lost. And then they got that absolute maniac at running back. They have the best running back that B. John fuck to that kid number seven I'm gonna take them on the road getting to and a half points Dude that kid was it B. You he doesn't just fake you out you do like a face plan No, this guy put together this compilation of just what he's done this season He's a combination of like with the moves and the stopping like Sanders,

but then the explosive speed of the Damian Thomson. He's really, I mean listen, it's early, he's a rookie. I like that. He's a rookie, but dude, he's really good. And Baker may feel, I don't mean disrespect, but he's Baker may feel. I saw what he did up close to personal last year at MetLife, He's not that great

I want everywhere he goes and he gets no respawn that that hurts me No, no, he's good, but he's not he's not over the top good And I think that the Falcons can beat him especially you talking about his teams or him I fucking goes to the browns get some to the playoffs wins a playoff game Nobody's done that and like in like five presidents and people like wins a playoff game. Nobody's done that in like five presidents and people like, hey, you know, he's not bad, but he's not, I don't think I'm not afraid of the bucks because of him. It's my point. Um, well, you know, play it either. My fourth and final pick will be the Atlanta Falcons getting to and have at the Bucking Ears. I'm kind of scared that I have my first game

tonight now, Kind of nervous. Dude, is there anything better than picking the Thursday night game and just getting you having a victory right in your shirt pocket? Somebody stuck a hundred in there, just tip you. Hey Paul, have a nice weekend. Got your table right down front.

Right down front. I get a little daring. I get a little daring when I get 500. I got to 500. I got to 10. You got a lot of courage. I got a little space. I get a little daring when I get 500. I got to 500. I got to you got you got you got you got a lot of courage I got a little space. I got a little leeway. You know, what are you gonna do? What am I gonna go on for? Okay, I'll climb out of that toe. I did it once. I'll do it again. I can't take a fucking hole first hole ever dug I think it's the first hole before I've ever done

I guess it's what you do, Paul. You shoot spider and kill him every September And you dig the hole All right, we got the what time it is bill. Oh, everybody let the Monday not special But food if it's food with some money for you Let the Monday not special With some fucking money for you what happened week? Did we miss it again by one contair? Well, here's the deal, Bill. We got a Christian McAfry. Is that a touchdown in 15 straight games? So I think we got to ride that fucking street. I'm not a Jesus guy, but I'll go with

a Christian. Go ahead. Christian McAfry to get a touchdown is, you know, it's as a short thing as you look and cool in sunglasses, what you do, okay? Oh, I do. But people don't say that a lot about gingers. It's all about covering up Paul, even inside. I have the window shade open, so just worried some sun could get in here. The Vikings are getting,

or you already picked the Viking, so maybe we'll stay away from the spread. I don't give a fuck Paul That's that Paul you know what that was Paul. I was trying not to take us I threw that one off my back foot You want you want to go money line Niners back across the middle? I went bread far above that one in a fourth quarter Dude if we go money line Niners that's some guarantee I like you like you saying that, Paul. You better not be selling me a fucking time share here. Here we go.

We go Moneyline Niners. We go Christian McCaffrey to get one. And then do we do CURT cousins to throw one? To make the odds a little better for the fans. I kind of like that because I don't think anybody thinks that's gonna happen. They're like, so that 40 letter,

let us don't see the Kirk Cousin scores points Paul. That's what the man does. It crushes ass and he scores fucking points. He crushes ass. He's gonna give him the fucking juicy Lucy. This Monday night right up this fucking ass. Jake Kirk, I'm gonna make a call. I'm three minutes late Paul. We got to wrap this up. Jake the snake. What do you got, buddy? All right. There you go. There you go. It's easy. Jake the snake said Kirk cousin is just playing. We'll get Kirk

cousins to throw a touchdown. 49ers to win on the money line and Christian McCaffer to get it any time touchdown. I'll say right now if I ever if I ever had the money to buy into a pro sports team poll, I'm telling right now Jake the snake is my guy. I got right in front of office. No, I told you Jake the snake is our Jonah Hill from Moneyball. I do. The man knows things.

He has a quiet confidence. I love it. All right. Well, there you go, everybody. That's the show. In four picks. You got my picks. You got Bill's picks. You got the Monday night special 49ers to win the game outright Christian McAfry to get it anytime touchdown and

Kirk cousins to throw a touchdown in the game Download the app $10 minimum will give you to they give you $200 regardless of the outcome of your bet Regardless pretty sure code is a burr 200. Survivor pool is still available, so just pick a team to win. That goes to the end of the year. You'll get prizes. And this has been week preview week number seven.

Let's go, Jaguars tonight. Oh, by the way, the anything better podcast is two games above 500. Two games beat in the book thanks to Stetty Eddie and your boy C called out of a hole So there you go What up? I'm kind of awesome Paul Versey everybody He digs a hole just to crawl out of it because he loves the dramatics

We'll see you next week that responsibly don't be a fucking asshole. There you go Don't be a fucking asshole. There you go. The future of work is changing. Northeastern universities graduate programs are designed to keep pace helping you remain ahead of the curve. Northeastern is empowering me to make an impact in environmental policy, even though I'm still in classes. At Northeastern, my job isn't just to teach, it's to connect our graduate students to real opportunities. I'm not only uneducative, I'm an alumni. My coordination with Northeastern is to find talent, and that talent could be you. Learn more at northeastern.edu slashu.

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