Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-20-22

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

Bill rambles about camper trucks, playoffs, and watching your home run. Thursday Afternoon Podcast: (00:00:00 - 00:29:50) Thursday Afternoon Throwback:  (00:30:20 - 01:45:02) (10-20-14) Bill rambles about Ebola, animal testing and homophobia. Anything Better Week 7 Preview & Picks: (01:45:02 - end) Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Elvis - Wearin' That Loved On Look SimpliSafe: Customize the perfect system for your home in just a few minutes. at www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR Helix: Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. www.HelixSleep.com/BURR

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Visit genesight.com for more information. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh. Just checking in on you. Sorry. That was just frustration.

Workin', workin', workin', billy's always workin'. Um, fuck you mean you're always workin', you in that goddamn show business, you sittin' in an infinity pool, fuckin' a fetus in the goddamn Hollywood Hills, talkin' about gender-neutral fuckin' bathrooms while the goddamn Russians are on their way? I only on the head drive a truck. Alright, I see America. I am America. I'm all about it.

Um, I actually have, I have a nice little break here. I have a nice little day and a half just for me. Um, I'll tell you this, I think I'm walkin' away from coffee. You know, like that person who just did heroin for the summer. I think, like that's a thing. I'm fuckin', I'm done with that shit, though. Uh, I think it's, it's just like anything else. It need, it has to have a time and a fuckin' place, but this whole bullshit that I feel

tired and rather, I need a nap and then I drink that shit, it's like, no I don't. It's like, you still do. And um, I wanna be that old guy that falls asleep in a chair. You know those old guys, like the second they sit down, it's like if you don't get to the meat of the order, like they're just gonna be asleep within like fuckin' three minutes. Like they just can fucking, you just get to that age, man. You can sleep anywhere. And that's really an art.

Um, I think people who can sleep anywhere are at peace. You know, because I think, Bill, obviously you're talking to yourself, we know you think this. Well, I don't know how to get into the sentence any other way. Alright, it's like the one phrase I know in English. I think this stuff, I think it and then I say it, welcome to my podcast. If you truly get peace, I bet you can sleep anywhere. I gotta say, I think, now I'm in my own head, I just heckled myself.

No drinking game, every time Bill says I think, you gotta fuckin' drink. You know, I never liked drinking games. It's like, I don't need any help, I'm well on my fuckin' way. I don't have to turn this into like fuckin' shoots and ladders. Let's put on the Hollywood Squares and every time somebody says I disagree, you gotta do a shot. It's just like, is the conversation that bad already that we have to do this? Anywho, I've been trying to watch some hockey to fuckin' my goddamn cable system here.

Yes, I'm not a cord cutter. I am an older person. How do you know the man you're fuckin' is too old? He still has cable. He still pays over $200 a month to watch his television. Why are you fuckin' that old man? Here's another way to note that the economy is fucked up. A lot of people think it's the homeless.

That's their barometer. I'm actually starting to think that when I start seeing pickup trucks, like one out of eight, one out of nine, driving around all of a sudden with that an aftermarket camper top, that's when I know. That's when I start to feel, you know, that's my G.I. Joe at the Kung Fu Grip, like Eddie Murphy in Trading Places when he was able to tell the fuckin' which way the market was going, right? Because he was one with the people.

That's mine. When I see all those things on top of that, on top of the trucks, I start to think, oh, oh, I see what's happening here. This is the old, this is the old, you know, I had a job. I don't have a job. And I had a place to live. Now I'm going to live in my truck. That wouldn't be a bad life, though, as long as it was like 70 degrees out every day.

Actually, that would be a bad life. What am I talking about? Man, life had to suck back as a caveman. Just always being outside, just fuckin' exhausted all the fuckin' time. Just like outside. I didn't see a guy today, this old guy right outside the barbershop, was squatting down like he was in Vietnam, you know, how they squat down in Asia, and it's supposed to be like really good for you.

Those have a step stool that they put their feet on before they take a dump, you know, that's all supposed to be good for you. I knew he was a fuckin' comic, listen to him with his old Chinese rhetoric. The guy was squat down like that, and he was listening to like a little radio, like a little transistor radio, and it was a nice day. And I was just thinking like, you know, aside from living outside and being absolutely filthy, the fact that that guy does not have a Zoom call today, you know, he doesn't have the boss walking into his cubicle like that guy in office space, yeah, Gary Cole, the great Gary

Cole, yeah, we're gonna need you to work Saturday, yeah. He doesn't have that, maybe he did have that, maybe that's why he's homeless. I wonder how many people like, you know, you always want to just tell your boss, you know, get right up in his grill and grab his tie, fuck you, man, right? But you don't, because in your head, you're like, I'm gonna get fired, and then I'm never gonna get another job, and then I'm gonna end up homeless. And on a beautiful sunny day, instead of working away for someone else to make their dream come true, I could actually be squatting in a parking lot, listening to a transistor radio right

in between a barbershop and a fucking, you know, taco hut, whatever the fuck, taco stand, you know? We're here today on the Thursday afternoon podcast to talk about the upside of being homeless. We're taking callers. Anyway, you know what the ones you want to have, you want to have the homeless family, the single mothers out there with kids, like, those are the ones you got to help, because that's how it works.

You always help the mom and the kids, and then the guys can always go fuck themselves. I mean, it's part of the humor of being a man is that everybody just thinks you can go fuck yourself, and then they ask why you're angry and aren't in touch with your feelings. Anyway, getting back to coffee. I'm kind of feeling like it's just this stupid thing, and I knew it when I first started drinking it when we were shooting the movie. I was like, I shouldn't do this, because this is going to be just another thing I'm going to have to quit, but whatever.

I went 53 years without drinking the shit, 53 and a half fucking years, and then I've been drinking it like a lunatic. I can't say like a lunatic, because I can't walk away from it, and then I'm fine. It's when I can't walk away from it, then I'm kind of like, ah, shit, this again, and I got to go those four days white knuckle in it, and then on the fifth day, it always just clears up after five days, I go like, yeah, what was I thinking? Why was I doing that, you know? But anyway, let's talk fucking NHL hockey, shall we?

Oh my god, I'm going to the laptop for this one. Oh, Billy Stats. My Boston Bruins, by the way, have yet to lose. We were down three to nothing last night to the Ottawa Senators. Down three nothing. I couldn't watch it, because for some reason my Senor Ice package decided to tell me to go fuck myself for the last couple of days. But I watched the, which game did I watch?

I watched the game right before DeBrus came back. Our second game. Was that the one? Not against the Panthers, not against the Capitals. It was against the Coyotes, the Desert Dogs, as Bartonik calls them. Let's look at NHL Stats. I think that fucking guy on Stamco already has like fucking 58 goals. Somebody has like a bunch of goals already.

NHL Stats. Let's see here. I'm not going to ESPN, even though I know they're going to be more fucking easy to read than fuckingnhl.com, because everything the NHL does always has to be a little fucking weird, a little off. All right, here we go. No, now they finally got this shit together. All right.

Goals. Artemi Pannerin has 10 goals for the New York Rangers. What? Astonark already has eight goals. I got to get my fucking center-ice package, Vic. Conrad McDavid, he's got six goals. Stephen Stamco has seven. I knew he had a bunch.

Nathan McKinnon has seven. Basically, everybody who you thought was going to break out is already fucking breaking out. This is the time of year I always bring up my favorite hockey website, which is dailyfaceoff.com. What I love is the line combination page, and also, you can see how much money the people make if you want to get all fucking real housewife about it, like, oh, jeez, this guy's making it. Why the fuck is he making this?

What is this? Other guys should be making that. Anyway, David Craigie up on the first line, Patrice Bergeron. We got two nice lines here. Taylor Hall, David Craigie, David Pasternak, then we got Pavel Zakhar, Patrice Bergeron, Jake DeBrosk on line number two. What happened to that other kid that was up on the line there? Would you like to receive notifications?

No, I would not. Just leave me alone. Trent Frederick, Charlie Coyle, and the new fucking rising star of the Bruins, AJ Greer. Jake Felino, Tomas Nosik, and Jacob Lauko. Lauko, however the fuck you say it, I mean, we're winning games. We didn't have, DeBrosk was out, Charlie McAvoy's been out, Jake DeBrosk just got back, a couple of big defensemen who's still out here. Who's still out for the Bruins?

Look, they got the power play unions, the first one, the second one, then here's everybody who's hurt. Brad Marchand, Charlie McAvoy, Matt Grizzlik is out, and Brandon Carlo. I don't know why I'm yelling. I'm just excited that this is the first time in like three years I'm going to have time to watch hockey. So who do we got tonight? Who's on the docket, dude?

The Fly is the filthy Flyers versus the Florida Panthers, Winnipeg Jets, Colorado Avalanche. I'm watching that game. I want to see this kid who everybody's saying is the new Bobby Orr that I've been missing out on. You know, you take a couple of years off from hockey, and all of a sudden there's a fucking there's a new Bobby Orr, there's a new Bobby Orr. You know, there's a thing when someone asks you questions, there is that line where like the fifth fucking question, you're like, can you figure some of this out yourself?

Okay. No, let's sorry, text message here. Do it at the office. There we go. There we go. A certain somebody is going to be on a certain something this Monday night. All right. I'm alluding to it.

I'm not saying what it is, but there's a certain something that happens on Monday night and a certain someone who might be talking certainly on this certain podcast might certainly be on it this Monday night. All right. There you go. There's your exclusive. All right. That's called teasing in the business.

You know, teasing you like a fucking, all right, let me do the fuck of my goddamn reads here for this week. I'll tell you right now. If I had a dollar for every goddamn read I've done on this fucking podcast live reads. Is this it? That ain't it. That's the invite. Okay.

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What was the catalyst? What was the fucking catalyst? What was it that set off that $200 million team to beat up that fucking little team that could Cleveland? What do they spend, 140, 130? Somebody did a rock the baby thing, like I'm your daddy. What's fucking hilarious to me is an old man watching Yankee fans and the team getting mad and I'm just sitting there thinking like, that's what pissed you off?

So, evidently, it's okay to basically hit a homerun, stand there and look at it, look at the pitcher and then look back at the ball, wait till it hits the stands and then you go into your little fucking, you know, your soul train, fucking line dancing shit, do everything but take your dick out and shake it at the other team as you go down the first baseline. That is all fine. But I'll tell you what you don't do in 2022. You do not mime rocking a baby to sleep.

How dare you? Oh, nothing pisses me off like somebody pretending to rock a baby to sleep as they round the bases. I don't give a fuck if you take 20 minutes and moonwalk between second and third, but you do not pretend to rock a baby to sleep. That has got to be the dumbest shit I've ever seen in my life. Seeing all of those Yankee fans, like those two dumb kids, their eyes up, like imitating, rocking the baby, the Yankees get the last out and the guy imitates rocking the ball.

You don't pretend to put a baby to sleep with us. So fucking stupid. I've said this a million times and I'll continue to say it. Back when I used to watch baseball as a kid, if you hit a homerun, forget about standing there looking at it. If your trot around the bases took too long, the guy on deck on your team through fucking gritted teeth was like run, run faster you fucking truck sucker. And if you didn't, that next guy got one in the spine right between his fucking numbers.

I mean, I don't know. I saw a guy, one of these fucking guys, I saw the homerun. He put the fucking bat over his head with both hands and then just slammed it down the ground was like, you'd think the guy had already hit 700 career fucking homeruns. The level of celebrating in sports was out of control during my, my generation and this generation and the generation after has taken it to a fucking ridiculous level. But I don't understand. What was it about rocking the baby and being like, you know, I'm your daddy?

Like what the fuck was that about? I mean, if he's standing there looking at the ball and then looking back at your picture like he isn't shit, isn't that enough? Oh, no, that's just, that's just the party hitting the homerun these days, Bill. You see, Bill, what it is is you're just old and you have to understand that all decency and respect is out the window. Back in the day, you didn't talk about politics or religion. Now that's what you, that's what you build your personality on.

Any chance you get to bring it up, we're a t-shirt to the gym that has your religious and political affiliations on it, knowing full well that it's not going to do anything to change anybody's mind. It's just going to irritate a bunch of fucking people. That's what you do. I don't know. All right. So the Houston Astros, they're going to, they're going to be fucking miming, rocking a trash

can to sleep. It's the fucking San Diego Super Padres. I think I'm rooting for them because the Phillies won one in 08, right? So they had done for a hundred years or whatever. No, that's not true. They won one in like 1880, 1980 and 2008. So that wasn't bad. They went a 28 year gap.

I like that guy in their team though. The guy who used to be on the nationals, I mean, he's fucking delivering. That's a clown question, bro. I like that guy. I like that guy because people are annoyed by him and he still continues to fucking deliver. The fuck's his name? It's one of those young people names that begins with a J, like Jared, you know, when I was a kid, there was Jason's and Jeremy's.

And then I got older and they became like Jared's and like one of those other fucking J names. I can't remember them. Anyway, they're playing the Padres. The Padres have never won a World Series and there's just been so many Padres that I've loved over the years. He's like their logo too, that Friar Tuck swing in the bat. And I think it blows that the fucking fans down there lost the San Diego Chargers before

they ever won a Super Bowl. So it'd be nice if the sports guards would smile on them, all right? I don't give a fuck about Yankees Houston as far as like, oh, they used trash cans. Yeah, well, they used eye watches. I don't give a fuck about them. All I wanted to see as far as the Yankees was judge hit 62, which he did to then watch the people that support Roy did up people like, what, that's the same thing. Everybody's doing something.

Anyway, I got to hit pause here because I have to go talk to some people. I got to talk to some people about some fucking shit here. And I'll be right back. So just hang tight. All right, and I'm back. And you know what? You know what? I didn't come back five minutes later.

I came back fucking 12 hours later, having watched game one of the New York Yankees vs. the Houston Astros. And I got to tell you something, let me tell you something. I'm going to admit this as a Red Sox fan, I'm rooting for the Yankees because as far as I'm concerned, they're the good guys in this series. There. I said it. They're the good guys.

And I'm going to tell you why. It's not like I'm just going to make a statement like that and not tell you why. I'm going to tell you why. Because I'm watching the game last night and at no point did any of the fucking announcers bring up the fact that the Astros need to win this series and win the World Series to redeem themselves and prove that they can win a World Series without cheating on a fucking level that I've never seen in baseball. Ever brought up, even in the post game, you watch them talk around it, clearly there is

some sort of gag order going, you know, it's not good for baseball, it's over, don't discuss it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And meanwhile, as a New England Patriot fan, I had to listen to fucking deflate gate and spy gate for the better part of 15 fucking years. Okay. I got to watch them take spy gate, which I know you guys have heard this a zillion times, but just a quick history on spy gate. That was the first game that was illegal to have a camera on the field.

Teams were doing it right up until that year and the NFL was like, it's not a good look. You can have a camera up in the booth, just don't have it down on the sideline. They still fucking do it, which is why everybody's got their fucking thing up to their mouth because people are still trying to steal signs, which is a fucking skill, all right? Our arrogant asses ignored the fucking rule and we were guilty of fucking cheating for that one game. However, that didn't stop all these fucking guys from going, they should take all the way all their super bowls like, like suddenly because now it's illegal, but it wasn't illegal

then that that was okay. And then we had to sit there and endure a fucking goddamn drug addict with a dead mistress owner who fucking, you know, conducts his own independent investigation on us, hires a guy who says he's a scientist, but isn't one and all that they find is this an equal amount of underinflated balls on both sides. ESPN ignored it, ignored it and ran with that fucking deflate gate bullshit, completely trashed us, tarnished our fucking reputation while simultaneously ESPN was also fanning the flames of that complete lie that we filmed the fucking Rams before the Super Bowl.

And then those pieces of shit at ESPN, when they finally admitted that they were lying or that they had a bogus story, they retracted the statement like fucking eight years later at two AM on their fucking Twitter. Okay, so as a fucking Patriots fan to sit there and watch the fucking Astros who were wired up like that Cunt and Casino go out and win a fucking World Series. And I even said when you guys want it like, hey man, the Red Sox and Yankees had fucking $200 million roided up free agent teams. I get it.

You had to get a trash can and go to Radio Shack and get some fucking wires. I get it. However, you still have to get shit for it. That's my thing. They aren't getting shit for it. Is that and the fact that their fan base dresses like fucking juggalos. I don't understand what's going on with the wackiness of their fan base out of nowhere. They never used to dress like that.

And now all of a sudden it's like they're going to go see the juggalo, whatever the way they're insane clown posse. All right. So they're ripping off insane clown posse, they're fucking, they're fucking wired up and all of this shit. And I just, I don't, I don't like it. And I like that they're doing the rock the baby thing again, because that pisses off the fucking Yankees and then they go out and win it.

Now I'm not rooting for the Yankees to win the World Series. I can't do that as a Red Sox fan, but I am rooting for them in this series. Fuck the Astros because they should be getting the kind of fucking shit that they deserve and they're not. They're getting handled with fucking kid gloves like a bunch of goddamn fucking millennials. There you go. There's my fucking take on that. All right.

That's the podcast. Have a great weekend. And I'll talk to you on Monday. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 20th, 2014. How you doing? How's it going?

How are you? I'm actually in a hotel right now on a Sunday afternoon recording this on a Sunday afternoon out in Santa Monica here. I know what you're thinking, Bill. What the hell are you fucking staying in a hotel room out in Santa Monica? I thought you lived in Los Angeles. I do. I do.

You know what I'm doing? I'm taking a little stay vacation. One of the most annoying phrases that's come up in like the last seven or eight years, stay vacations, you know, after the bankers completely fucking robbed the American people of all the goddamn money and then said, fuck you, you pay for it because we're not going to pay for it. How are we long having his hair? Sorry, I got the TV on.

Is that his gray hair fucking glisten in there? Is his Grecian formula not working? Yeah. So anyways, after they fucking robbed everybody, ripped off fucking everybody and didn't go to jail, nobody could afford to take a vacation anymore. So then they came up with stay vacations. We're finding that more and more people are doing what's known as a stay vacation rather than going away and spending all that money.

They don't have that money anymore because it was stolen from them from the banker cunts, but they're too big to fail. So now when people go on vacation, they stay where they live. Isn't that cute? No, it isn't. It's not cute. I'm out of that saying. That's why I did it.

You know, I just don't have a lot of time right now and I wanted to fucking do something. And anyways, whatever. So I'm out here having a stay vacation. I love how they fucking do that shit. Anytime they fucking rob everybody of everything, they always come up with some cute little fucking phrase that's supposed to appease you. Stay vacation. Well, we earned the money.

We went out and worked our fucking asses off and we had the money to go on a real vacation and then these cunts stole it. I'm really pissed off. Why don't you have a stay vacation? Oh, that sounds like a good idea. And all your anger goes away and then they keep your money, right? And then they go out and they fucking blow it on hookers that you can't even imagine what they look like.

A level of beauty that does not exist for the person on this side of the teller window, right? Sorry, I'm combining like 12 conspiracy theories. Um, anyways, you can tell I'm getting over something. Whatever everybody had, I got, all right. And I want just for the record, I at no point that I think I had Ebola, all right, I'm fucking unbelievable. I'm so fucking ashamed of my fellow man and the absolute fucking panic that six people

with a head cold can cause the entire herd to start stampeding towards a fucking cliff. They got to outlaw airplanes. Just freaking the fuck out. You know, Jesus Christ, people, AIDS, all right, act like you've been there before. Did that take us down? Well, did it? Look at magic Johnson. That guy is in better shape than 99% of people.

Okay, please. Some professional athlete's going to get Ebola and it's going to have to retire and everybody thinks he's going to fucking die, but he's going to have the fucking money. All right. I'm one of the best South Park's ever when they showed magic Johnson's cure for AIDS and he had a blender and he was just shoving golden cash into it, blending it up and then drinking it. Um, anyways, I'm all over the fucking map here.

All right, act like you fucking been there before. All right, it's not going to take us down. Oh, shit, hang on a second. Hang on, hang on, hang on. I'm going to answer this. Hey, Georgia. Sorry about that. I had to answer that for two seconds.

Um, anyways, um, that was a talking about, yeah, okay. We survived that one. We're going to survive that. We're going to be fine. We're going to be fucking fine. The great thing about Ebola is it kills you so fucking quickly bang, bang, boom, you're gone. You're done.

All right. Over in Africa, when it would start to spread like wildfire, everybody just ran into the woods. You stayed out there, you shit in the woods for a couple of weeks and you came back and everybody was dead. Then you throw them in a pile. You lit them on fire and you just fucking got on with your life. Everybody running around like the sky is falling.

One of my good friends, Paul Verzi, he was freaking the fuck out. Dude, why do they keep letting people get on planes? Look, you guys have seen my shit. You know that I know that the world needs a good plague and needs a good one. All right. We're too smart for our own good. You know, there's always shit out there wiping out animals and then they survive. Not all of them.

A lot of them die or whatever, but this they still survive and then they go on and it's balanced. Look at us. We're all over the place. Who the fuck is knocking those goddamn cabinets around? It's probably the broad next door. This fucking lady next door. I swear to God, her and her stupid ass friend, they were up at 7.30 in the morning.

Okay. And I'm a morning person, believe it or not, even though I have this job. Oh my God. Look, I got the TV on in the background. It's this fucking no more commercial. Am I the only football fan who gets fucking annoyed with this stupid commercial? I don't hit women. I don't need to be brow beaten and get a fucking lecture in the middle of my goddamn

game here because one running back on one fucking team knocked out his wife, not during a football game. He did it in Atlantic City. So why don't you run that commercial down in Atlantic City? Show it on the fucking boardwalk. So goddamn annoying. You can't get away from it constantly, giving you a fucking lecture on how to be a better person.

I love how they look at that stupid commercial. Like that's going to stop a wife beater from hitting his wife. Like he's about ready to do it and then fucking iced tea. Yo, no more. Where's my money bitch? And then he's going to be like, oh, okay. Everybody's dressed in black like they're doing a fucking Beatles album. I swear to God.

I thought I was in a good mood. This is pathetic. Hey, did anybody watch the Indiana Hoosier game yesterday? The football game? I can't even remember who the fuck they were playing. It was hilarious. Indiana Hoosier is like the university of Indiana, I should say. They are like the whitest fucking school on the planet.

All right? And one of the most racist fucking states on the planet. Somebody who fucking grew up right outside of Boston. Then I can say that because I'm a Republican. I just did that with like race relations. So anyways, I'm watching the game and you know them. They have their classic, you know, fucking Gene Hackman Hoosier fucking uniforms. It's as white as white can be.

It's his corny as extreme whiteness is, but the influence of those disco uniforms that the fucking Oregon ducks are wearing. There's people literally signing with Oregon because they want to wear the uniform. There's athletes making that decision. Fucking unbelievable. You know, like it's a goddamn fashion show. I like playing football, but let me tell you something, honey. Those helmets are to die for.

There's literally people signing. They're shining their football lives away to go play with that program. So now everybody's got to have some sort of fucking disco ball football helmet now. So I'm, you know, I put on Indiana, which is the last fucking team you'd think would ever change. They're stupid, all red with the dumb white. I think they just had the eye for Indiana. You know, classic fucking old school, trombone, goddamn school, and even they had to give

into it. They had to address the fact that they were losing recruits because of that disco helmet that the fucking Oregon ducks have. So they actually got themselves some shiny fucking lantern helmet, but they kept everything else. They kept everything else totally like the corny fucking old school when one for the gippers, like the, like the, even like the text that they had Indiana university look like it was written like pre-war or something in the end zone.

So then they got these fucking disco helmets on. It looks like they stole them. I don't know. That was a long way to fucking go to say like, look, if you're going to fucking do the uniform, you got to go the whole way. You got to have the flashy fucking helmet. You got to have chest hair showing between your fucking shoulder pads with the medallion. Right.

Zip up fucking pants and that no tear away pants is what you got to have. And then you got to have some Hori cheerleaders. You got to go all out. You can't just have the helmet. Right. I don't know. Anyways, is it true that like the cheerleaders on the Indiana Hoosiers, like their pom poms are made out of like a recycled, uh, clan sheets?

Sorry. I'm telling you, I'm saying that racist people, oh, this podcast sucks this week. I'm just not on my game. I have good ideas. I'm just not, I'm just, you know, I'm just not, it's all in the execution. They'll tell you right now when the X's and O's are all done written on the board. I mean, the coaches can only do so much. I mean, the coaches coach the team, but at the end of the day, the players go out and

they play the game. If they're not out there, if they're not firing on all cylinders, if they're not out there acting as a cohesive unit, if they haven't bought into the system, then you know, you're going to have problems in your national football week. I actually have the Packers Panthers game on in the background and uh, Packers are kicking the shit out of them, 28 to three. Yeah. No, here we go.

Here's a little highlight. Saints first. The Lions. Well, there's a long pass. Where the fuck is it? Big, big, big scores. All right. Time to three.

I went to a Lions home game a long time ago. Beautiful field. Ford field. Great name for it. You know, and um, every time they made a play, a decent play, they had this awful sound of a lion roaring. Oh, something like that. You know, like it was getting prison raped and it just ended.

Every time they make a play, watch a home game, if you've got the NFL package, watch a Lions game and listen for it. Every time they do something good, you just hear, oh, I guess that's supposed to be a lion roaring. Why didn't they just buy the rights of the 20th century Fox lion? It was probably overdoing it like you've ever watched the nature show and you see how a lion roars when it's trying to like say this is my territory and I want any of you young bucks coming here trying to fuck my 30 fucking women.

You know, Jesus, Packer fans are fat. Jesus Christ. Every time they cut to the fucking, there's not one treadmill in that goddamn state. Um, sorry. Anyways, anytime they cut to the fucking lion, not cut to the lion when they show them, they just, they just go like over and fucking over again. I'm always disappointed. I'm like, that's what they sound like.

I thought they sounded like that 20th century Fox one. You just, I didn't know that they stand there sounding like they're going to fucking hurl. You know, like they, like they, you know, those fucking things eat, they eat everything. Shit. Got a couple of bones in there. You think they got a yak every once in a while. That's what I thought it was going to do, but they were like, no, it's, it's marking its territory.

Oh, is that what you think? Is that what you think you're going to have one be a pet? I saw this YouTube video the other day and this fucking guy goes over these people's house that have like a pet lioness and the thing pounces on him playfully and, but like, you know, weighs like 600 pounds and it's like digging into this fucking guy's dress shirt. The guy doesn't have a t-shirt underneath it. Right.

He's fucking walking around like he's a Gabe Kaplan or whatever. Right. That's a Clark Gable. That's what I meant to say. And, um, he fucking, it's digging into his back, which causes him to cry out, which excites the predator in the wild animal. And it's fucking hilarious. Cause like when wild animals, yeah, like they get excited, causes them to just fucking

snap your neck. Like you ever know, like dog toys, you know, those little squeaky dog toys and all that. Do you know why they squeak? It's not cause it's cute. Cause it's supposed to excite the predator in them, which gets them to play with it. It's supposed to sound like a fucking animal dying. And you know, when they pick it up and they shake it around and shit in your laugh and thinking, Oh, he's playing.

He isn't. That's their natural instinct. When they grab something, they shake it like that and it breaks the neck of the prey, but we've pretty much bred that out of all dogs. So they just sit there in the corner with that stupid look on their face. And every once in a while you get him one of those squeaky toys and you see it, you see it in their eyes again. You know, it's like when I was in that Italian restaurant in San Francisco one time and I

looked over and I saw Joe Montana sitting there on a double date, right? The fucking Joe Montana and I got up to leave and as I walked out, you know, it was like a crew of like, you know, five of us or whatever. So there's motion in the restaurant. He looked over at us and I was looking at him and he looked at me and my fucking stomach dropped because he still had that look in his eye, you know, that two minute offense. I'm going to cut your fucking heart out. He can't help it.

He's sitting there with a fucking risotto in front of him and he still has that look in his face. Every once in a while you get a little squeaky toy, you put it in front of your dog and you'll see it. I don't care how little foofy little prissy dog you have. You give that thing a little fucking chew toy that squeaks. You watch it fucking shaking it around and the owner's going, huh, look at that. She thinks she's big.

She did. She doesn't understand how small she is. She takes on all the big dogs and whatever. It's like sweetheart. She's not cute right now. She's trying to kill something and she doesn't even know she's doing it. It's just in her fucking DNA. She's trying to break the neck of that fucking thing.

All right. Put some shoes on anyways, yeah, so there's broad next door, right? I mean, just the stereotypical awful fucking female talk, the kind of thing that if I actually did it in my act, I would once again be branded a sexist, okay? Which I'm not even saying I'm not, all right? The definition of the word. By the definition of the word, I think I am one. I mean, basically in this climate, in this culture, I think basically if you publicly

call women out for anything at this point, then you're a sexist because at no point could they ever be doing something wrong, right? I mean, they're human beings. They're just as good as us unless they're doing something wrong. If you're doing something wrong, you call them out on it, then you're obviously a sexist and you don't think that they should be allowed to vote, correct? I mean, that seems how the math works in comedy clubs anyways. So I'm such a cunt this week.

So I'm fucking sitting here and this fucking woman is talking to this other woman and they're literally just talking about shit, not literally shit, but just like stuff, stuff that they bought. Oh, I got that at Nordstrom's. Yeah, it was a good deal too. And blah, blah, blah, blah, shoes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, belt, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, pocketbook. But the level of fucking excitement that they had for that was the same level I have when

I talked to Verzi when like the NFL season week one is about to begin equally fucking stupid, equally not worth getting excited about. But because I can't relate to it, I have to make fun of it. You know, kind of just killed my whole point of view there. But you know, whatever, whatever the fuck you want. So anyways, so I'm staying at this hotel and lo and behold, oh, there he goes down the sideline at the 30 and 25 Green Bay Packers just kicking the shit out of the Panthers. This cannot be Cam Newton's fault.

Cam Newton looks like a fucking superhero. You know, he looks like a war hero, a quarterback and an astronaut all at the same time. So it can't be his fault. I'll tell you, I gotta blame that offensive line. I don't care how good you are at the quarterback position. You could not play if you're late on your back 60% of the plays, Mike. Well, you know, absolutely, absolutely, but you know, when it comes down to it, you know, you held out for a bigger contract and you know, you're going to get all the glory and

all the criticism. Sarah, it's a high ankle sprain. Touchdown Packers. Jesus Christ. It's going to be 35 to three here. Hey, you know, I don't know that this is actually a movement in the NFL, but according to Paul Versey from the Versey effect, there's discussions about getting rid of the extra point. And Versey's claiming it's so fucking stupid because 99.9% of them are made and it's just

a big fucking waste of time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I mean, it just fucking blows my mind that a guy who loves the, the NBA, right, can watch a fucking NBA game with a final two and a half to four minutes can take as much as 45 to 50 fucking minutes. Okay. That this fucking guy gives a fuck about a play that takes 30 seconds and takes no time off of the clock. You know, I love the extra point.

I love that play for the simple fact. I, this isn't even my opinion. I just, somebody else said this and I totally agree with it. It's the one thing that really happens on a football field that people in the, if you fuck it up, people in the crowd legitimately can get mad because who can't make it. Like most of the people in the crowd, if you're remotely in shape, you can make an extra point. So when they miss one, it's like, how the fuck did you miss that? And then what I love is whenever you miss an extra point, it always seems to be like

you lost by one. I'll tell you those extra points though, the missed extra points will come back to haunt you. I fucking love the extra point. All right. Keep it in the goddamn game. They got rid of the extra point. That would be like the American league with the fucking DH rule.

Okay. Have the pitcher hit. Well, it's a fucking waste. It's an out. You know, the pitchers always strikes out anyways. What the fuck? It's the fun thing of the game. I like it.

It also keeps the pitcher fucking honest. You're going to go out there and throw it somebody's head, then you got to go up. You got to come up to bat. How much more fun would it have been to watch Roger Clemens pitch if he also had to hit? Do you remember when he fucking threw it Mike Piazza, then they finally played the Mets in Shea Stadium and he had to come up to bat? Do you remember how he went up to bat? He went up to bat with nothing other than a batting helmet.

He went up there like a man after throwing it people's heads for 20 years. He didn't give a fuck. He was so roided up. Bring it. Hit me in the head. It'll make me throw harder the next day. He shouldn't even have on batting gloves. He just walked up there.

His big, roided up Texas ass and the fucking pitcher threw at him and he missed him aiming at his hips. I don't fuck do you miss something like that? You know what I mean? Man, it's got to be like fucking up cow tipping, right? You can't hit Roger Clemens with all that Tex Mets in his belly and all those roids in his fucking ass. You can't hit this guy.

It's unbelievable. Actually, he was acquitted of it, so I shouldn't say that, right? I can't even say a legend now, can I? Accused steroid user, Roger Clemens. I remember when I lived in New York City, every fucking two weeks, it seemed they did a before he got busted or accused. They used to do a fucking local news piece on Roger Clemens workout routine. It was perfect.

Because then when people were going like, dude, did you see his, you know, I think that guy's doing roids, dude. That guy's on roids and everybody would be like, dude, you see how much the guy fucking works out? It was perfect. His people put that out there first. You know, they're in the locker room. They know people are going down.

They know people are going to get busted. We got to get out in front of this thing. Let's do some pieces on how much you work out. Dude, look at all the sit ups he's doing. He's doing squats and everything. Whatever. All right, hang on a second. I apologize.

This is rude. Jesus Christ. I was actually going to tweet that I was fucking sick, you know, and make a joke about it, but I didn't want to listen to everybody's fucking hacky Ebola jokes when I had my own anyways. You know? So anyways, I'm staying at this hotel and you know when I'd be staying in a hotel, they have to have a fucking steam, a steam room, right?

Oh, you know what? Let me actually, I got to read some fucking advertising here before I get too deep into this podcast. We're going to pause here just for a moment from this word from your local douchebag. All right, here we go. I'm going to read all the advertising for this week's podcast right now because it's a long fucking story, but just the way the information came in this week. All right, so fucking brace yourselves for five minutes of accidental comedy is Bill

Bert tries to read advertising on his fucking podcast for you for the ninth of the time. You'd think I'd get good at this, but you know, I always keep trying. All right, and we are back. We are back. I don't have the advertising yet, so I got to edit that in. I hope that came back smoothly. Um, yeah, so I go downstairs to take a steam, right? And, uh, I walk into the steam room.

There's nobody in there. All right. Thumbs up number one. It's early in the morning, so a lot of times they don't, you might be the first one down there, so the steam isn't on, which sucks because you got to wait like 20 minutes for it to fucking heat up. I walk to the steam. It's fucking not only is it on, it's cranking.

All right, thumbs up number two. So I fucking, you know, I get ready. I do my own fucking flip flops. Okay. Because you cannot walk around in that slime barefoot. God knows what the fuck is going to be growing on your feet the next day. And I'm not using people's, the flip flops that they give you because I don't know how well that they wipe them down.

Okay. Think about that. That's somebody's job to fucking clean off the fungile free slippers at a spa. All right. I don't want to judge anybody who listens to this podcast, but there's no way you dreamed about doing that job when you were a child. So I would imagine if you get that job, you're not exactly, you're exactly like enthused about doing that fucking job.

Right. So what I'm saying is there's probably a lot of bullshit that's left behind. Hence I bring my own fucking flip flops. And I have them where the fucking, you got the thing that fucking goes all the way across your foot, not that thong between your toes. So it goes foot, foot, foot, foot, foot on the bottom of your feet and you ignore the shit out of somebody. All right.

I'm courteous. All right. So I got my flip flops on. I got my towel and I got another towel to wipe off the fucking sweat when I'm in there. Right. All the toxins and I fucking go to the goddamn steam room. I fucking the steam thing. Right.

I open it up. I go inside and immediately sitting right next to the door is a dude completely fucking naked. Once again. Right. Dick out for fucking days, just sitting there and you know, I'm just getting in there. My eyes are getting adjusted. So I'm like, okay, you know, fucking naked guy, nine o'clock.

And now I'm like, how big is this steam shower? How many fucking people are in here? I'm feeling my way through here and I'm walking away from this guy in his fucking schlong. And so I'm taking like baby steps as I'm walking through kind of feeling my way in and this guy's opening fucking line to me. First words out of his mouth. You know what he says? He says, it's just us.

Oh my God, if it wasn't so creepy, I would have burst out laughing. It's just like really that that's you coming out of the gate with that that is so creepy and fucked up. I almost have to applaud it. It's just us. Oh my God. So then he goes, you want me to warm it up more? And as I sit down, I'm like, yeah, sure.

You know, staring down at my fucking sandals. So he fucking stands up. I don't know what he did. I don't know what in the knob or he threw some water on it. He just goes, he goes, watch your feet. And I said, I'm cool. I got sandals on. I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about, but the steam comes out and gonna burn

your feet. So he fucking cranks the thing. All right. And now it's like hot as fuck, but it's great because it creates like this cloud where I can't see him anymore. So now, now it's great. There's like this divider of steam. So you know, I don't have to sit there staring at my feet, right?

And then after about like 90 seconds, the steam starts to dissipate. And as it does appearing out of the mist, the guy is standing up in the shower. Like if you took a picture of somebody like mid jumping jack, jack, except his feet were on the fucking ground. Like you're standing there like arms up the side, like doing this like heavy breathing and shit. And it's just like, I don't know what, I don't know. I like to think I'm not homophobic.

I'm not homophobic in the sense of I don't give a fuck. You know, I don't give a shit, you know, if that's what you meant to go, you know, God bless you or whatever. But is that homophobic to when I'm sitting there like, when there's a fucking guy like that was like, what are you doing? Why don't you just fucking bend over and grab your fucking ankles while you're at it? What's wrong with you? Sit down.

You're sitting in steam. The steam's going to get you, you know, going to stand up and what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? Sit down. How about some fucking etiquette? You know, or maybe I'll, you know what, hey, whatever, I'm open to change. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I should have stood up and just faced the guy and started mimicking his fucking

actions, right? And then, and then, then do I pass the test? Jesus fucking Christ. So then he leaves. Thank God he fucking leaves. You know, and I just start, you know, laughing and then I have to fake like I was coughing just in case he could hear me because it was echoing in there. And he fucking goes, and then I look and I see his hotel key, his locker key is still

there. So I'm like, ah, fuck this guy's coming back or whatever. So whatever. So he comes back in, you know, sits down like you get, leaves fucking doesn't even take his towel. Just walks out naked as a fucking jaybird just walking around, right? So he comes back in. Now I'm done.

So I was like, all right, man, have a good day. And he's like, all right, thanks. So I leave, right? Immediately going to the shower, ice cold fucking shower, close up the pores, you know, wash away all the shit you sweat it out, you know, bang bang, boom. And I'm thinking, all right, no more naked guy. I'm good. I get out of the shower who's standing there over by the lockers fucking naked as hell dick

out. Fucking guy. Okay. Now, once again, maybe I'm homophobic. What is this guy doing? What is his fucking obsession with just being in my line of sight with his fucking junk? Look, you were there first. You're naked in the fucking steamer.

Good on you. But I show up. All right. Hey, how you doing? Whatever you throw a fucking towel, cover yourself, you fucking animal, right? He doesn't want to do it. All right. He's naked in the steam room guy.

Fine. Then he walks out without a fucking towel on, you know, he doesn't give a fuck. He comes back. Then I leave staying in the fucking steam room or put a fucking towel. You guys walking around like it's this house. Why don't you just take a dump? Right? I mean, just I don't, I don't know.

I don't know. You know, I don't want a lot of you guys to say, well, Bill, why do you keep taking those fucking steams? Cause I like to. It's one of the perks of the fucking hotel. There's always somebody's got to fuck it up, right? There's always going to be the guy with his dick out in the steam room. There's always going to be somebody peeing in the hotel pool, right?

There's always going to be somebody down at the hotel bar that can't handle their liquor and either pukes or starts a fucking fight. There's always just going to be that guy. And this is why, you know, like when you see lifestyles of like the rich and famous, you know, and they're always doing that shit, they have their own movie theater. They have their own bowling alley. It's because they have the money to not deal with the guy with his dick out in the steam room.

They have their own money to not deal with the person who can't hold their fucking alcohol. You know, if anybody's going to pee in their pool, it's going to be them, you know, they got the money to basically just exit the society. And I understand the older I get, Jesus Christ, look at St. Louis, beatin' Seattle. Get the fuck out of here. I don't see this holding up. Oh my God, Pete Carroll's going to beat his family dog tonight if they fucking lose this one.

They lost last week to the, to the Cowboys. It's so, this is what it's so fucking hard to repeat is Super Bowl champion because the second you win the fucking thing, every coach, unlike the team, immediately thinks that they're a head coach. They're not the best defensive coordinator in the game that year anymore. Now they're a fucking head coach, right? The offensive coordinator, the defensive coordinator, both of them. I don't even know if they lost them, but it's inevitable they're going to, if they don't

lose them this year, they'll lose them within a couple of years. I was under Pete Carroll and, uh, you know, now I know shit, right? That's what happened to the Patriots, Charlie Weiss, Romeo Cromel, all of those guys, that fucking baby face kid who's back coaching with us. He got a head coaching job at, um, in Denver, Romeo Cromel got fucked. He went to Cleveland. Charlie Weiss got a head coaching job and no today. And then all your players, you know, you're going to have a couple, two or three that

are going to take the money. Maybe they feel like their body's breaking down or they don't feel like they're getting it. They got respected for their part and what they did to, uh, win the championship. And then they take some money elsewhere. It's so hard to keep the, uh, the group together, which is why one of my favorite speeches ever, which I had never heard. I didn't know how I didn't hear about it watching the Celtics Lakers rivalry.

I didn't hear about it until I read Bill Simmons book on, uh, basketball, the, uh, Patrick Riley speech, the disease of more when he wanted them to repeat. He said the disease of more when everybody, when they win, everybody wants more people want more playing time. They want more money. They want more screen time. They want more this. They want more of that.

And if totally fucks up what got you there, um, you know, what do they always talk about? They always say, well, you know, they played a lot of games this year. You know, they played a lot of games this year, you know, they played a lot of games this year and they, uh, you know, last year in the playoffs, you know, they didn't get as long of his break and then they celebrated too much and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, which obviously I think plays a role, but, um, I don't know, I don't know, that sucks because back in the day with like free agency and that type of shit that didn't really exist, you could actually hold a group together and you could have like those big time dynasties.

You know, like that's Seattle defense should have been doing that for like a good three, four years. Um, and would have been one of the legendary defenses. Had they done that, you dominate a Super Bowl like that. I mean, that was like, I, that's like, I didn't see anything like that since the 85 bears. That's just, that's a shame. So fucking shame. Um, but anyways, what else did I want to talk about?

I already talked about Ebola. I'm not afraid of that. Even if there is like a fucking up, it's a win-win. It's a win-win either it doesn't, um, you know, either they contain it, which is a win or they don't contain it and, uh, we have a much needed burn off of the population. I know it's brutal to fucking say, but you know, if you take out, you see, if you take the emotions out of it, I mean, people, you get 7 billion people on the fucking planet. We're on our way to 14 billion.

Everybody's going to have a couple of kids. What the fuck are we doing? We got man-made salmon people. I mean, if anybody needs a fucking plague, it's human beings, Jesus fucking Christ. How many more casinos can they build out in Vegas and they keep getting filled up with mouth breathers? Just keep coming in and in. If you don't believe that we need a plague, then I would say you did not watch that FSU

Notre Dame game yesterday, which for my money was the best college football game of the year. Unbelievable game. I took my wife out last night, so I missed a lot of the second half, but I kept peeking in when we were in bars and shit, but, um, it was just an instant classic. But the only, and as much as it killed me to miss the game, what I, uh, or a lot of the game, what I loved was that I didn't have to listen to those mouth-breathing fucking morons.

I mean, they play that goddamn, every fucking, they play it for every occasion. If they do something good, they play it. If the other team does something good to get their fans psyched up to, to try to get back into the game, it's like, why, why don't you just write like two or three of those songs? Just switch it up a little bit. Like I don't, I just can't imagine as a fucking fan. I can't even do once a game. The fucking Boston Red Sox play that stupid sweet Caroline, I've never sung it.

It was stupid from day fucking one and I never fucking sung it and just to sit there and watch those people. And that's just once a game. Can you imagine if anytime everything went good during a Red Sox game, everybody just went bum, bum, bum, like a hundred times in nine fucking innings, how could you possibly still be a fan? I don't know. I have no idea.

What I feel like someone's just walking into the hotel room right now, probably complaining about me cursing and shit in here. Um, yeah, that's the type of shit that I see. And then I'm just like, you know, is a, you know, is a plague really that bad a thing Jesus Christ, Bill, Jesus Christ. Um, all right, what have you 37, 38 minutes into this fucking thing minus whatever the hell, however long it took me to read these fucking advertising. Um, all right, you know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a break right now

because I'm waiting, still waiting for the advertising and the questions to come in and uh, you guys didn't need to know that. Did you? Hey, what? You know what game I want to watch this week? The big game I want to see is uh, Cowboys and Giants because, um, I'm actually a closeted um, Cowboys fan. I never quite got on board once Tech Shram and Tom Landry left.

It was so fucking different. It was this stoic, classy franchise, which of course I know the players are like they were brutal and cutthroat, but I didn't see that part. I just saw the, the, the propaganda and they went from that to how about them Cowboys, right? And this guy with a facelift and everything and it became, I just felt like I was watching like Falcon Crested or literally the show Dallas, um, became like a reality show. So I never quite got into, uh, I don't know.

I just never got into him after that, even though they won all those times and I was psyched that they won, but I don't know, I never quite was, I was a rabid fan when I was growing up. Um, but now that they're back again and because Tony Romo took so much shit to finally see this guy getting protection and playing great and everything, I'm really hoping that guy wins one. There's certain people you just have to root for after a while. Tony Romo, Don Mattingly, um, just people that I think are just good guys that have

just taken a fucking truckload of shit and, uh, I don't know, they could use a break. So anyways, I'm looking forward to watching that. Plus, I also believe it or not, even as a Patriots fan, I love the Giants. Uh, I always love teams that are like defensive minded and I just feel like, uh, ever since the Harry Carson Lawrence Taylor days, when they revived what the Giants were before my time when they had Sam Huff, the violent world of Sam Huff, um, I don't know. Like I, I like those teams that are allegedly like boring that win like games like 17 to fucking nine.

Um, and Eli always steps up during big games and I would say that the guy has a horseshoe up his ass, but he did it twice. So at that point, you know, once you're lucky, twice you're good. So, um, you know, I don't know, I'm really looking forward to that fucking game and, uh, and that is it. So I'm going to take a break here, wait for this shit to come in and I'll be answering your questions, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. All right.

Okay. Taking a break. Why am I saying I'm taking a break because you're not going to hear the break. It's just going to come right back. You know, see, watch, and look at that. I'm back just like that and it didn't take any time out of your life. Just like a fucking extra point, just like an extra point, um, I was actually sitting there waiting for the questions to come in, um, for my buddy to send them to me and, um,

I saw that stupid commercial. Have you seen that commercial? The, uh, no, no drinking and driving commercial where the dog is sitting there waiting for his master to come home and it's sitting there and the dude doesn't come home. So they make you think that, oh, maybe he died in the drinking, driving accident or whatever. And then the kid comes home in the morning and he's like, you know, hey there, fluffy. I couldn't drive last night, but I'm home now.

How are you doing? You know, I just want the dog to be like, Hey, dude, it's great you came back. But FYI, I took a shit in the kitchen. You know, you haven't been home for like fucking 15 hours. So don't even look at me like that. I peed on the carpet, I shit in the kitchen and I need to go out right now and I need some fucking food. All right.

Next time you're going to go out boozing. How about leaving some food out? Maybe some water, you know, Jesus Christ, every time you fucking come home, I greet you like you accomplished something. Even if you just went to the store, would it kill you to leave out some food? Would it fucking kill you? Um, anyways, you can't do that anyways, because fucking dogs would eat all of it in two seconds and then yak.

If you left out 15 hours worth of food, they'd have it done in 15 seconds because that's what they do because they're dogs. They're fucking animals. All right. Let's read some questions for the week. Uh, stinky coworker, hey, uh, Billy switchblade. I work in a small office with another girl who is really nice and helpful, helpful. Her and I share a small cubicle and I've noticed since the first day she does not shower

and she smells like B.O. Oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus. Um, anyway, since we are so close together for eight hours a day, it seems to be ruining my concentration. My question is, how do I tell her to get rid of the smell without offending her or without getting my boss involved? It seriously is making me think about switching jobs. Thanks for the help.

Big fan of your comedy and the podcast PS. Go fuck yourself, dude. I don't know. If it was a dude, you could just say it. How do you say it to a lady? All right. Well, let's, let's just brainstorm here. By the way, 2119 and they go up for two points Seattle, oh, and they don't get it.

They don't get it. It's 2119 Seattle's going to win this fucking game. Anyways, let's see what the fuck would I say? Hey, listen. I'm not trying to be a jerk. You know, you know, I love, I love working with you and everything, but, uh, you know, you just kind of, I don't know how do I put this, you just kind of like smell really bad. I mean, how the fuck do you, there's no way to say it, dude.

You stink. Hey, listen, let me try this one. Hey, listen, Samantha, come here for a second. You know, that's close enough. Come over here, but stay there. If you know what I mean, um, I want to hose you down. I want the fuck. Do you say, I don't have to say you fucking smell.

There's no way to say it. Like, listen, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you don't smell good. You need to bathe more often. You're coming in here and you smell like body odor. Ah, dude, there's no, there's no way to fucking do it. There's no way to, the only way you do it is you go to your boss and then you look like a bitch or you, you can go passive aggressive. You could just bring in like a ridiculous, you go out and you buy a bunch of air fresheners.

All right. And you just stick an air freshener in the cubicle. Okay. And if she doesn't get the hint the next day, you have two air fresheners. Wednesday, there's three, you get the point, right? And you just keep bringing in more and more air fresheners until she finally takes debate and says, why do you have all those air fresheners? Why do you keep putting all these air fresheners in there and without saying a word, you look

at her, you hold your nose and then you just pointed her. And then that's it. And then you turn back around and you go back to work like it never happened. And then when she runs out of the cubicle crying, you quickly take all of the air fresheners, you throw them in the basket, you tie them off, you hand them to a coworker who's obviously been informed, you know, of what to do. You hand it off to them and they sprint to the fucking trash bin and they throw it out. Then when the boss shows up and says, why did you tell old fucking stink toast over here

that she smelled you like, I never said that. I never said anything. I never, she says you have a bunch of air fresheners. There are no air fresheners here, sir. I do not know what you're talking about and you just fucking deny all of it. Did you at any point pinch your nose and point in her direction? I have no recollection of any type of behavior. I was at my cubicle doing my job.

Did anyone hear him pinch his nose and point in her? Absolutely not. No one can hear that, sir. Even if he did in your cupboard, you just have to realize at that point, you're going to be trashing a your working friendship. But if you just went out and you bought some ladies deodorant and you put a little pink bow on it, and when she walked in, you bowed your head and Jen you flexed it as you held it up to her.

I'm trying to give a nice way of telling somebody that they stink, a female. All right, here's another one where you get like your other coworkers involved. It's like throwback sports fan day and you decide everybody's going to do the wave. All right, and then the one person conducting them also has this little spray bottle of perfume when it comes by her for be like, Hey, she raises her thing. Like people on either side just spray perfume into her armpits really quickly. Then everybody runs away. No, then every she'd start crying again.

Just ask her. Say, listen, is there a way for me to tell you that you have body odor that won't make you cry? Is there a way for me to do that? Okay, isn't there anything worse than when somebody puts you in a position to have to fucking do that? You know, oh my God, you fucking stink. You know what's the worst is the air freshener thing because there's going to be this just

tipping point where the air freshener and the BL are competing for your fucking sense of smell. And if you can somehow tough your way through that day without puking, you're a better man than me. Is there anything worse than when you're watching your own fucking team and a guy catches a ball and you're just watching the cornerback sort of just escort him down the field? It's like at any point you're going to try to take a proper angle or at least dive at their fucking shoelaces.

What are you doing? Sorry. All right. Animal research. Dear Bill Nye, the scientifically illiterate guy. Oh, he got clever there, everybody. All right. I'm curious if you have any thoughts on performing research on lab animals for the benefit of

humans. We're not talking about testing lipstick on bunnies here, but serious medical research using flies, mice, primates, and other animal models of devastating human diseases like cancer and Alzheimer's disease. I bring this up as I recently made the difficult decision to leave a prestigious genetic lab, Nobel Prize winning researcher, no shit, real deal, during my PhD training as I couldn't rationalize subjecting mice to painful procedures and in all around shit life anymore. I'm currently refocusing my career to only performing research on human patients that

give informed consent. This decision has already helped me sleep better at night. So what do you think? Do the costs of animal suffering ultimately justify the means of increasing our knowledge of human disease? Let's get fucking philosophical here. Thanks for your comedy and the podcast. Best regards.

All right. First off, I take back making fun of your Bill Nye, the scientifically illiterate guy. Sometimes it pisses me off when I know morons are writing me just as dumb as I am and then they're going to make fun of me for being dumb, but you with your background, you had the right to do that. So my apologies. All right. Secondly, secondly, who would know better than somebody who actually did the job?

There's no way I could fucking do that job, but selfishly, I reap the benefits of it. I think what you're saying is ultimately the way we should do it is that it should be human beings making an informed decision that they want to be tested. But you know what? They'd still figure out something evil. They go to the third world and they would find people don't have a fucking pot to piss in and they would somehow flimflam them and get them to sign some shit that they didn't even know what the fuck they were signing.

But that's what human beings do. But yeah, I would say that, yeah, we should not be doing that. We shouldn't be doing most of what we're doing. And then a lot of times I think, you know, I go back and forth on, you know, whether we being a vegetarian or eating meat, I just love the way steak tastes and chicken and all that shit. But I definitely think that, you know, we shouldn't shouldn't be killing as many animals as we do.

Or if we're going to, you got to be like raising them like cattle and then you kill them. I don't know. But I don't know. I saw something recently about how Vivian Campbell was been playing in death leopard for a while, has cancer and so I was reading up on him and I saw a picture of death leopard in one of their guitars, the guy with the short hair who's been in the band forever. He's standing there in his fifties shirtless and the guy's absolutely fucking shredded. So I'm like, what the fuck is this guy doing?

And I looked it up and for the last 20 years, he quit boozing and he's eating a vegan diet and he's kind of on a mission to tell people that, you know, that you can get shredded and be fucking ripped, eating vegetarian and all that type of stuff. So that fascinates the hell out of me because as much as I love cigars, I love booze and steak and all that type of stuff, you definitely feel fucking awful afterwards. The next day hungover. You got that cigar fucking awful taste in your mouth and you know, when you eat a steak dinner, especially if you have like potatoes and you eat it with something that, you know,

it's going to be difficult to digest. You fucking you just need to take a nap. But if you eat a vegetarian meal, you'll, yeah, I don't know. I always still feel light and I feel fucking energized. I feel I might, I'm in a great mood and it's one of those things where like, I know that I should be doing that most of the time. I just kind of like doing the wrong thing more of the time and also I'm stuck in my ways and I'm too lazy to read up on, you know, learning vegetarian dishes.

Like tonight I'm going out and I'm getting a pork chop. I know I am and I've been thinking about it all fucking day and I'm going to smoke a cigar later. I already know I'm doing that, but every once in a while, while I'm doing it, I picture myself 30 years in the future, sitting on one of those hospital examiner things, you know, with the fucking that frontal covering smock with my ass hanging out the back, waiting for the doctor to come back and I'm starting thinking about all the pork chops and cigars I smoked and I'm thinking, I don't want to be that guy either.

So I got to, I got to do something here. But getting back to what you say. Yeah. No, I don't think that they should do it. Um, ultimately, no, I think that the fact that we've always put human life ahead of everything else is why there's seven billion people on the planet and the polarized caps are melting. Now, do I have any sort of background to make that statement?

Absolutely not. But that's what podcasting is all about. So go fuck yourselves. All right. Calls after a date. Hello, William. I went out on a date with the girl. Congratulations.

We both seem to have a great time. Uh, at the end of the date, she initiated the hug and said, yes, when I asked if she wanted to go out again. That's wonderful. Well, I called her a few days after the date and left a message. No callback texted, texted her the day after no reply. Should I give her a few days to reply or move on? Move on, dude.

Absolutely. Move on. Absolutely. Move on. And, uh, that sounds like somebody who doesn't know how to say, uh, hey, I had a great time, but I don't want to see you again. I think you, you know, what does it say? You asked her, uh, yeah, you asked if she wanted to go out again.

She probably initiated the hug so you wouldn't try to kiss her. And then she just said what you wanted to hear so she could get the fuck out of there. That's what I would guess. But, uh, either way, who gives a fuck? Yes, Rouch. She said yes. You know, you're in the game, you know, they're not all going to be hits. But if you bet 300, you make the fucking all-star team.

Don't ever forget that. So keep, keep swinging away there, buddy. There, fuck oh. Um, all right. Oh, Jesus, I thought that horn was going to go on forever. Should I dump her? Uh, dear, Barbarossa, the fuck does that mean? And hopefully Nia too.

Um, I'm in a fucked up situation right now. I've been dating this chick for the past six months and it's been going fine and dandy until a few days ago. We were at the house having crazy sex, but just as she was about to climax, she kind of yelled her ex's name. Get the fuck you. That did not happen. I'm calling bullshit.

Get the fuck out of here. Dude, that's hilarious. That is fucking not only what I have laughed, I would have kept fucking her until she was done. I just be like, Hey, look, I understand. Sorry, I'm getting on a cough drop here. I understand, you know, you're not ready. You're not ready to get into a relationship, but you're ready to fuck somebody else.

That sounds like a perfect situation for me. I don't give a fuck yell out anybody's name you want to. I'll ghost write this fucking, this blow job. I don't give a fuck. Sorry, Jesus Christ. Um, anyways, um, he goes on to say, I was dressed up and just left and we haven't talked since now I know for a fact that she can't be cheating on me because her ex is dead. He died like two.

Oh, Jesus. He died like two years ago when they were still together. My rational side is telling me that I'm a dick and should just forgive her, but my instincts are telling me fuck that bitch. What should I do best regards from Italy? Oh, first of all, um, I can't, I had a great time when I was in Italy, went to Rome. I can't wait to come back. I know Rome is kind of like, uh, the basic place you go when you first went there, but

that's the first place they ever went. I wanted to see the column, uh, the Coliseum. Where else should I go? Milan, Florence, Venice. Where should I go? Person from Italy or anybody from Italy listening. Let me know where I should go. But getting back to your question, should you move on?

Absolutely. She should always listen to your instincts. They're always right. Or, or there's a reason, you know, there's a reason, I mean, dude, your rational side is telling you that you're a dick and you should forgive her that there's nothing rational about that. Let me ask you this, dude. If you were banging her, let's just say her name was Maria, right?

And right as you came, you went, oh, Antonella, what, what the fuck would she do? Do you think she'd be back with you? Would you even question her if she didn't get back with you? You totally agree with it. If she actually got back to you with you after you did that, wouldn't you be sitting there going, what the fuck is wrong with this person? How low is your self esteem that you're going to put up with that? And if you have low self esteem to that level, how many dicks have been in your, ah, sorry.

That's how guys think. Yeah, dude. No. Now, the only thing I would say is don't say fuck that bitch. She went through something unbelievably traumatic, you know, and she obviously loved the guy. I feel bad for her, and so should you, but you shouldn't get your heart mixed up in that shit. All right?

That's what I would do. Um, yeah, in a very nice way, I would just say, like, you know, I just don't think you're ready to be in a relationship, um, and no matter what she says, you just hold it to the fact that you called out your dead boyfriend's name when you had an orgasm. There's really no, uh, you should just stop talking and coming for the hug right now. And I will not let go till you tell me to. I'm sorry. Uh, I'll make love until you say somebody else's name.

Um, all right, let's plow ahead. And I'll tell you one last story. I did a benefit this weekend for, uh, Alzheimer's. Now the jokie guy at the office would be like, for what? Alzheimer's. For what? Yeah. You see what I did there?

You know that guy? Whenever you say, yeah, my grandmother's heart of hearing, he goes, what? You get it? Fucking joke book. Larry, I fucking hate people to do that unless you're doing it because you know, I hate it. Then I love you. Then that's funny. But if you're actually doing it for real, I just, that gives me joke douche chills.

Like I, uh, oh my God, look at the fucking tits on her. Woo. What kind of an asshole still brings a defense sign, the D and the fence. We get it. Funny joke in NFL films in the seventies. Um, holy shit, St. Louis is up 28, 19 with 530 to go. What are they down by right now? Was that nine points?

Seattle's got the ball. What do you think, Bill? I think if they didn't win the Super Bowl last year, they would actually win this game. But I got a feeling they, they probably lost too many guys that they're going to come up just short. Oh, but there he goes, Russell Wilson. I just don't see the Rams being able to hold on though. I got a route for the underdog.

Oh, Bill, quit being a bitch. Just pick a team. You know what? I say, I say fucking Seattle comes back. They come back now that they're past midfield. Gee, Bill, really going down on a limb. Anyways, so I did this, uh, I did this benefit for Alzheimer's for what? And, um, it was for, uh, Seth Rogen put it together.

It was this fucking amazing lineup. And, um, I didn't realize, I mean, usually when you do those fucking things nine times out of 10, they're fucking, uh, they're outside and it sucks and it's a bunch of fucking, you know, rich people walking around trophy wise with their red bottom shoes and nobody paying attention. And then it's a benefit. So if you call them assholes, then you're the cunt or whatever. Um, I actually, uh, it was not outside.

It was at the Palladium right on a sunset strip. And that's actually where Richard Pryor recorded, uh, live on the sunset strip, you know, way back and I think around 1980, he did it and it was a bucket list of mine to at some point do a show there. And, uh, it was so fucking amazing to be able to perform and unfortunately I was really sick so I couldn't be as social as I wanted to be, but, um, it's fucking awesome show. Craig Robinson and his band, uh, were the house band and they were hilarious plus an awesome band and, um, Seth hosted the thing and, uh, what the fuck was the point of my

goddamn story? Weird Al Yankovic was on it. Sarah Silverman was just a fucking awesome show and, um, I can't remember what the point of my fucking story was. What's the point of my story? Just that it was awesome to perform there. That it was a good cause. Oh my God, it was for Alzheimer's.

I'm literally doing the joke. You see what happens is that my brain fucking works. I started watching the Ram Seattle game cause it's getting exciting as Russell Wilson runs for a furrow. Oh, they stopped. Um, I fucking, uh, I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Anyways, I want to thank Seth Rogan, um, for putting me on the show. Uh, I had a great time.

Anytime, you know, anytime he wants me to do something like that, I'll definitely do it because I'm such a fucking asshole and I live such a great life and I'm still a dick that I need to do benefits to somehow balance out my karma. Um, I'll definitely do it. But anyways, it was a fucking amazing. What's amazing about that place is it still looks like the prior special when you walk in there, even if you didn't know, um, that they recorded it there, get the fuck out of here.

All the way down to the nine yard line, St. Louis, same old fucking Rams. Come on. I always got a roof for the underdog, but my money says Seattle Jesus. Oh, the guy slips on the turf. Um, anyways, it was fucking amazing and, um, I'm hoping to someday do my own show there. That is definitely one of the bucket list. I never told you guys the bucket list, uh, theaters. They're all just theaters of where my favorite standup specials were recorded.

I already got to do constitution hall where, uh, any Murphy delirious was, um, and then the palladium is Richard prior live on the sunset strip, then there's a theater in Long Beach. I don't know what it's called now, but that's where the greatest one was Richard prior, uh, live at this, uh, just live in concert. That one I'm going to perform there. Whoever bill Cosby did bill Cosby himself. I can't remember where that was.

I did Carnegie Hall. That's where Lenny Bruce and George Carlin both did specials. Wow. Lenny Bruce was an album, um, where else I want to do red rocks. I did stand up there one time, but it was before a, uh, like a film thing, um, and that place was unbelievably cool. It was not a good show. You know, that was outside and everybody was there to see the movies and they just brought

me out. No one knew who the fuck I was and I sort of survived it, but it was still cool to perform there. Um, so I got a bunch that I want to do. Oh, I know, uh, I want to do wherever Sam Kinnison did his standup special on the sunset strip, which I don't think it was at the Roxy. I want to do a show there, um, whatever, I have all these, these different things. But anyways, let's, let's close out here by talking about Patriots jets, but that was

a fucking ridiculous that we were actually able to win that goddamn game. And I felt vindicated by watching that where all my friends was trying to say that the Patriots turned around and that that team that I saw that got pounded by the chiefs that now somehow they're not that team, they're this team this week. And I was trying to say, no, they are somewhere in the fucking middle, um, and, uh, I don't know, statistically we didn't deserve to win the fucking game by a long shot. I guess that was the first time anybody ever controlled the ball for more than 40 fucking minutes and still lost the game.

You know, uh, as much as I want to credit the Patriots defense that we stopped them in the, uh, red zone, I felt that they were stopping themselves a lot with bad fucking penalties and shit like that. Um, and I gotta admit, as much as I can't stand Rex Ryan, because I think he talks a bunch of shit when he has a good team and I thought he was really disrespectful to a lot of people around the fucking league. I still think he's a great coach and, um, if they, if the jets didn't fire him and wanted to start all over again, because he's not the GM of the team, so he doesn't get to pick

the players as far as I know. I think the guy, I think he's a good coach is not a lot of good coaches out there. I think he's a good coach. The jets just fucked up with their player personnel or whatever. Um, I don't know that guy, I think that that guy, if he gets fired, that's a, that's still a good pickup. Even though I don't like the way he conducts himself when he has a good team and he talks all that shit.

And, uh, I don't know. It just always clearly comes across to me that you're insecure when you talk like that level of shit. You know what I mean? Like my wife watches this fucking reality show. I don't know if it's called love and hip hop. I don't know what it is, but it's this chick who has like this ridiculous fake fucking tits and a ridiculous fake fucking ass.

She looks ridiculous and she walks around talking about herself like she's fucking God's gift. I was sitting there watching this shit and I said to my wife, I was like, do you realize how truly fucking stupid you would have to be to be that confident to just be walking around like that, thinking that you're the be all end all and that you fucking know everything like how truly fucking stupid you would have to be. Cause whenever I listen to people who act like that, you're either unbelievably insecure and you're trying to overcompensate it or you're just unbelievably fucking naive.

You're fucking moron. So that allows you to be that confident and then every once in a while you'll meet somebody who just is just the man and they're confident and they fucking know it. You know what I mean? Which to me is like 1% of the population, basically that benchmark person that everyone's trying to be. Everyone when they're that fucking confident, you know, it fucking makes sense. As far as confident, but only confident as far as like what it is that you do.

Like if you're an athlete or an actor or a musician or you're running a business like you know, you're the best at it, you know, you're the best and you're fucking confident. That I understand. But just straight across the board walking around like you're the shit and you know, you like moving planets and shit with your mind like walking around like you fucking know everything. Like just how fucking truly dumb you have to be. To be that confident.

So I could never get into Rex Ryan when he was talking all that shit. I'm like this fucking guy is actually good at what he's his job. But I don't know if it's because he has to live up to his dad or whatever. I just feel like this guy's beyond fucking insecure and it's uncomfortable to watch. And I don't know. I don't know. He just, I don't know. He just always looked like if you punched him in the belly, he'd cry and make like that

Pillsbury. Doughboy. No noise. You know what I mean? No noise. I don't know. I'm fucking rambling at this point. Go fuck yourselves.

All right. That's the podcast for this week. Thank you for everybody who's been listening. I'm psyched. The new hour is coming together. You know, it was looking bleak. I've been writing on this show. I haven't been getting the stage time I wanted to.

I got a couple in there, a couple reps. All of a sudden you got the Ebola thing coming out. I got some new material. It ties into some other bullshit, a couple of random thoughts, and it's all starting to come together. And I can't wait. I got a gig coming up down in, down in Florida because I'm going down for the FSU then playing against University of Miami and oh, 2826 Sherman just knocked down, just knocked down a pass

and believe it or not, he walked around nodding his head as quickly as one possibly could. He can't believe how good he is. He just can't fight, can't get over himself. The guy is in awe of himself and that's always fun to be around. All right. Listen, that's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves. All right.

Cowboys Giants. My prediction. Yeah, they lost Victor Cruz. All right, I'm going to make a gambling prediction, not even knowing what the fucking spread is. Rams with the first down. Rams with the first down. Where's Sherman now? Nodding his head.

Oh, wait. Now the Rams guy is nodding his head and he's walking around. Everybody can't believe how awesome they are. Jesus Christ. Oh, wait. No, I'm sorry. It was a fake fucking punt. That was the punter.

It was hilarious. The punter is walking around. He can't fucking believe how awesome he is. I knew it. I knew I was better than this position. I used to do a joke about that way back in the day that I was going to start celebrating after fucking jokes worked like the way they do in the NFL. When you run for a first down, you start stomping around like Jerome Bettis.

Anyways, I'm rambling at this point. By the way, all you FSU people, okay? I know I'm coming down on your team, but you guys really need to come up with a couple more songs, okay? Before you give me shit because I performed at your school, I had a great time at your fucking school. But you know what? You know I had a great time because you guys showed up and during my fucking show you weren't

going, every fucking two seconds, all right? So don't be a bunch of whiny cunts about the constructive criticism that I'm giving you. I'm not saying stop doing the Tomahawk job. That's up for the Native Americans to try to fucking enlighten you about that. But why don't you get a couple, you know, switch it up? F.P. did he come down there and do maybe a couple of remixes on the same fucking idea? You know, just to, you know, just for the viewer at home? Anyways, that's the podcast.

Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you next week. What's up, everybody, and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast, NFL edition, sponsored by BetMGM for a while, going into week number seven. But before we get into our picks, we got to talk about BetMGM, guys. As you know, we've signed back up with BetMGM, and they're the best lines out there. What can you say? BetMGM has the best lines out there, and they're giving you an amazing offer.

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That's BRR for the bonus code BURR. $10 gets you $1,000 in free bets. Bet responsibly. We love working with these guys. And going into week number seven, we finally rallied up. We tallied up our records. Bill Burr is at $10, $12, and $2, and yours truly is at $10 and $14. Four games back of $500.

Bill is two and a half games back of $500, and you want to know why, Bill? Because the fucking Packers can't win a fucking game. They can't win a game. What are you going to do? What are you going to do, Paul? It's been a tough year, man. I mean, these lines have been really tight. The whole first fucking four or five weeks, like every line, but one every week was, you

know, one and a half, two and a half, three. I mean, those are pick-ups. You're eating away, Paul. Well, you have, going into this week, you have first pick this week, Bill. I actually looked at the lines for a little bit, and I think it's a tricky week. What do you think, though? Who do you like? Who do you like going into week seven?

Who do you like going into this motherfucker? You know what? I got to tell you, this is a tricky week. The first thing I did when I looked at this week, as I said, I don't like this week. You know, like when you just see a guy across the bar, you're like, I don't like this guy's face. I just don't like his face. I like this guy's vibe.

I don't like his fucking face. I can't believe I'm going to, I got a few that I can't believe I'm going to do this week, but I'm giving it to Marcus Marriota, Paul. I think, you know, I think you're good enough, I'm going to take the fucking Falcons. I'm betting against my LSU guy, Joe Burrow, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. I don't know what's going on with the Bengals. They're not consistent. I like them.

They're coming off the loss. They're coming home. That's the Paul Verzi thing, but I don't think they're a good team yet. So I'm not worried about the Verzi fucking thing there. I like the Atlanta Falcons, Paul, getting six at home. I like watching that game with the breakfast burrito with half of it in my mouth going, I'm going to fucking do it. I like that.

You know what, man? I love that pick because I saw the Falcons seem like they turned a corner and I think Marriota's got second life here. Andrew, for some reason, the lines aren't coming up on my, on my, the thing that I clicked, the actual numbers. I know what team you want because I got the, I got the, no, no, I know what team, I know what team I want on this one. Who do you want?

This is, this is going to be. This is, this is going to be lunacy, but I got to see it. I got to see it. I'm going to take the Green Bay Packers after losing to the Giants and the Jets. Here's the thing. I listened to an interview with Aaron Rodgers. He said something that made me, you know, listen, maybe he's feeding. He said long season left.

He said kind of something like, well, be okay. He lost to the Giants in London, which I was thrilled with because I was there. And he loses to the hapless New York Jets back to back weeks. And now he's playing the commanders. I'm in Washington, DC, as we speak. And they said out here that the stadium is losing their fan base to the point where every team that comes in has 50% fans. Packers fans are going to travel well here.

They want the Schneider owner out. I'm taking the Packers. I believe it was when I saw it five and a half, is that what you have? I'm taking a Green Bay Packers minus five and a half. Listen, I'm going to say this on the show. If they lose this, if I lose this, I'm done with them. I'm done with them. This is it, Bill.

This is it. Okay. This is like when you have a child that keeps getting arrested and you like put them in all the programs and you did everything you can for your kid. And you, you know, this is it five and a half minus, minus five and a half Packers going into Washington. All right. Paul Verzi.

He's on that train. He's staying. Paul, you're not getting off that till the last stop weeks, weeks fucking 18. You're going to be going, uh, which by the way, how nuts is it now that to have another undefeated season, you have to just, just to get out of the regular season, you have to win the same amount of games as the dolphins had to win like to go right through the Super Bowl. They were 17 and 0. Now you have to be 17 and 0 just to get out of it.

Stupid. Unreal. I'll tell you, Paul, I don't think the Jets are hapless. I think the Jets have, unlike your Packers, I think they've turned a corner and they get one against Denver Broncos. They can't get out of their fucking way. I know they're in Denver. I just think the Jets have a way better defense than people think.

I don't think that, uh, Russell Peters is on the same page with the Denver Broncos. Why can't I ever remember his fucking name Russell Wilson is on the same page with the Denver Broncos? I don't think it's his fault. I think he's getting blamed because he's a great quarterback and look, can you believe the drop off? They're blaming him, but I like the New York Jets getting one, Paul. Dude, if you got interrogated and you had to give a person's name, you would get the

name wrong, dude, and some criminal would get up because you would call a guy something else. I mean, I would, there's nothing wrong with that. Uh, I like that pick too, man. The Jets look good. That's, that's like a pick them because they're in Denver. I like that pick. Um, all right.

My second pick. This is, this is where it gets a little, this is where it gets a little hairy, but what can you do? I'm going to take, you just got to wait in there, Paul, and you got to make a fucking choice. I'm going to take the Las Vegas Raiders to win by a touchdown against Houston. Houston is in complete disarray. I just think that the Raiders needed, they need a win real bad.

I think this is where they turn it around. I'm going to take the Raiders minus seven against the Texans. The Texans have showed me nothing that they could win a game, especially on the road. I disagree. Texans are with almost weird teams and if they get seven points, they fucking cover. I think you got to, I don't know about that one, Paul. You know, a surprise you're laid off for your fucking giants and out of respect, I'm not going to take them, but I liked them.

You can take them. I didn't take them. You could take them. I liked, no, but you know something I don't even know why Paul, I'm going to take the Detroit Lions getting seven points against the Dallas Cowboys. I was going to take that game. That's a great one. Yeah.

I don't know. I just think the Lions, you know, with Jared from Subway on the center, I think they're a lot better team than fucking other people. Jared Leto. Please, just for the sake of this game, please just do that with every, every week. Just say the guy's name that's close to a famous person's name. Oh, it's the best. And then I think, you know, on the other side, they got, you know, Frank Zappa at quarterback,

you know, for the Dallas Cowboys, Zeke Mowat. What's his fucking name? No, no, he's back now this week, Dak, I heard. Oh, you know what? Then that's another reason why, because I knew that there was no way that the America's team could have a ginger quarterback. So fuck them. I'm taking the debt.

I'm taking the Detroit Lions getting seven, Paul. Paul, you are so focused on your next pick. I didn't even get a, I didn't even get a lap on. No, no, I heard that. Hey, I'm five games on. I mean, four games under. I'm trying here. I'm going to do this, dude.

I'm going to do this just because I fall. You look like the boyfriend of one of those dumb whores on fucking Jersey Shore right now, with your fucking white pullover and your brand new Yankee hat. It's cream. This is cream, but the light is just bringing out your fucking mediterranean skin, your popping you look like you do it. What are those guys up with the chain out? OK, was it Jim?

Jim Lawn. No, was it Jim Laundry t-shirt iron or something like that? Whatever the fuck it was. Oh, it was it was Jim Tan. And it was Jim and and and yeah. Um, I'm going to take the I almost said the San Diego Superchargers. I'm going to take the Los Angeles Chargers at home again. They just played a tight game. They just played a tight game.

And they they they hung on to win. They're playing the Seattle Seahawks. I think Geno Smith is playing out of his mind, but I don't think it's going to continue. I'm going to take the Chargers minus six and a half at home. I like that. Um, I think I'm going to I would take the Patriots if it was minus seven, but it's minus eight something about that. I do not like.

So, you know, Paul, I don't give a fuck. What do I care? I'm 10, two and fucking I'm 10, 12 and two. I'm going to go. I'm going to take your fucking Giants. I'm going to take the G men getting three on the road. I like their defense. I like that Ivy League guy that trips over his own shoes. I like him better than the fucking long haired guy. Screw you, Mellon.

I like him better than him. And I'll take the I'll take the New York Giants. How about that? I love that. I love that pick. I love I think I took all underdogs this week, Paul. You know why? Because I'm rooting for the San Diego Super Padres. Um, I'm going all favorites this week, dude. This is a typical.

This is we're back to the we're back to the basics. I'm going to I'm going to take it's my homecoming theory. I'm going to take the Baltimore Ravens at home, bouncing back after losing to the Giants, six and a half against the Browns. The Browns have shown nothing and Lamar Jackson and them look disgusted with themselves. So did John Harbaugh. I think the Ravens come in and I think they beat them by at least seven,

but I could see them winning that game by 10. So I'll take the Ravens minus six and a half. Oh, Paul, he's on all favorites this week. I like it. Who dream believer? Pauli thinks the favorites are going to weigh in. I mean, me taking the Packers Chargers. I mean, I just can't. I'm on that train, Bill.

It's hard to get. Here's the one thing. It's hard to get Pauli off the train once he boards. Yeah, you you got you want to be right. Oh, it's so funny. Yeah, my seat's comfortable. And you got your bloody Mary and your feet are up. You don't care where that train's going for. I was just going to say, you're going to enjoy the ride.

You give me a comfortable seat, a little champagne. I'm with you. Yeah, I'll roll with you. Um, all right, Bill, well, those are our picks, right? We those are the four we got to do the Monday night's fast show. And that line was actually this morning was minus seven. And since we started within the past like 30, 40 minutes, it changed to eight. So the line moved.

That's because everybody. Hey, wait a second. We got to go with the fucking lines that we're saying here. Right. No, no, no, we're going with the lines now. But just as a, as a, you know, strategizing. OK, well, if the Monday night game is Monday night game is minus seven. Paul, is it your turn to pick this week? You picked last week. No, no, listen, here's the deal.

We can't go against Bella check on prime time at New England. It's got to be the Patriots. We're not taking the Bears. The Bears are not a good team. And that and dude, that guy was right when he said that the Bears are going to get that quarterback killed. God forbid, dude, that kid is like he's running. He's his offensive line is terrible. He's running like RG three did when he came in the league.

That it's not a good situation. So I mean, I think we got a role with the Pats on Monday night. No. Yes, we do. We do. We got to go with Bill Belichick. And this is what I would say if I had the gas. But it's your it's your is it my turn or your turn? No, no, no, we just we just weren't together. So we kind of just, but I would have agreed with you with everything

except the under and and you were right. So OK, so let's I would say the Pats minus seven. It's minus eight minus eight. We got to take it at eight. Oh, minus eight. OK, we'll take that. What's the over under 39 and a half? I love the under. You love the under.

Then we'll go under. I I love the under. Yo, Bill is such a bill loves the under. And Bill is an under guy for sure. I love it. I love the Patriots are about ready to go on a roll fall. They won the last couple, two, three weeks in a row. And our schedule is pretty soft, like the underbelly of a tuna. OK, so then there's going to be a bunch of people going, oh, are they for real? Are they back?

And then we're going to run into an actual contender. We're going to realize that we're a year away. That's what I think is going to have. That's my prediction for the Patriots. And I think one of the soft tuna teams that we're playing right now is the Chicago Bears. So I like this minus eight. I like the under.

And what else? Jackory Meyers to catch a touchdown. Oh, who's who's that? Hey, Andrew, who's that lunatic who has to feel go kick a number on our defense who always gets a sack? Who's even our running backs? We fucking traded everybody away. So I've never seen an organization just put together wins like you got.

I mean, by the way, did you see them fuck Bill Bill Belichick last week when they were shown he tied George Hallis for most wins all time? You know, I saw that. Yeah, Don Shula, his photo, he looks like a fucking general. George Hallis is smiling like it's Christmas. And then they got Bill Belichick looking all grumpy with such a fucking little passive aggressive country thing that they did. Never seen a guy so great at his job, get so fucking disrespected.

Him and Eli could sit down and talk about that. Yeah, because he doesn't feed into the nerds. They don't like him because he's not he doesn't play the game. Not a quote machine. They like they would rather they are. They would rather talk to Rex Ryan than the greatest coach of all time. Very very go up there to go kiss fucking rings. They're like, oh, thank you.

Thank you. That just wrote itself. Yeah, they want you play to win the game. You play to win the game. That's what they they want. All that stuff that they like that is a very underrated. That's a very overrated bad quote. What is you play to win the game play to win the game? If you take that just out of context and you watch it, it's just like, yeah, obviously,

that's what he was talking about. He was talking about what the fuck is my team doing out there? You don't just go out just to fucking run around. You play to win the game. That's what he's saying. But if you just have that, it makes him look like he's nuts. Yeah, we talk about Devonte Parker because he's he's he's number one. Wide receiver. He's his number is no no.

I'm on defense. Oh, on defense. Paul, I mean, Andrew, I've been so busy. I don't even know my own fucking team. That's fine. I just I'm trying to pride myself on knowing the offensive line. By the way, what's his face? Oh, another guy who defected down to Tampa. So wait, what are we doing here with this last with this last with this guy?

Back to me. All right, let's say that your Corey Meyers and your Corey, the law firm there. The Kobe to Kobe Meyers. It's a touchdown. I don't know. I just feel he's going to be a low scoring game. I think he's going to have, I don't know. Well, who's your running back?

Who's your who's your starting running back? I don't know. Well, I mean, kind of splitting duties. Pierre Strong, Monterey Stephenson, Kevin Harris, Damian Harris is probably. Well, I just picked the quarterback. I wouldn't bet any more than 70 yards. Should we do that Zappa guy to throw one? All right, we'll say he'll throw one.

Zappy is Zappy back. Mack Jones is not back, right? No. OK, so we'll throw. We'll take we'll take the under. We'll take the Pats and we'll take Zappy to throw on. Right. You know, for some reason, Mack Jones, come back, we'll just say he'll throw one. OK, if if Mack Jones comes back, I like that, though, Zappy on Monday night

under the lights prime time is going to throw on. I like it. Yeah. All right. There you. So there you have it. That's the Monday night special. Those are the picks going in. Guys, Boston Bruins are undefeated, Paul, three oh and one. Just saying. Hey, you know what?

I know what it feels like to be like that, because when the Knicks win the first game, I don't care if it's game one of the season. I just go next, having a good year, having a good year. Well, we are a lot like the Knicks, where we hadn't won a Stanley Cup since the basically the same years. We won it in 70 in 72. And then we finally won it again in 2011.

So being a Bruins fan, wow. But we've been that we haven't been like you guys had some Keystone cop years. We haven't had too many of those. Anyway, well, those are the those are the picks. Those are the preview. NFL preview show for a week number seven. Again, download the app.

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And let's see if the Packers can get a fucking win. How about that? Go, Giants. All right, let's do it. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I had to return for a little while. You said you'd be good while I'd gone. But to look in your eyes, I've told you you told a lie. Well, I've only been some carry on all night.

Baby, you were in that little, you, you, you, you baby. When that love's gone the, baby, baby, when that love's gone, baby, baby, when that love's gone.