Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-24-24

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Bill rambles about performing in Paris, Vespas, and playoffs. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (35:07) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 10-24-24 - Bill rambles about emergency landings,not checking out, and 60 minutes. (02:44:20) - Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks Week 8

So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour

in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.

Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. Oh, what's going on? I apologize for that Monday morning podcast. I don't even remember what I said. I was fucking out of it.

I am still here in Paris and tonight is my last show at the Apollo. I want to thank everyone that came out the last two nights and that's going to come out tonight. I had such a great time. Crowds were amazing and I was speaking a little bit of French or whatever. Came up with the bit that I do speaking French which is great. Yeah it was crazy. It was like a dream that I've been trying to I've been I was like someday I'm gonna go to Paris I'm gonna be able to do my shit in French. Obviously 99% of it was in English but I was started to fuck around with it and I got a lot of compliments afterwards that I was speaking like somebody said like it didn't sound like you just memorize shit. It sounded like, you know, that you were just,

it was just coming out naturally or whatever. So that made me feel really good because that's what I'm going for. I don't wanna just be, I just wanna memorize my act in another language. Anyway, so I got the last show tonight and then I am back to the United States, but I've had such a good fucking time here. And I gotta tell you, man, the people out here on the Vespas, because I learned, you know, I was making fun of scooters, but scooters are scooters out here, like the ones that you sort of like, you stand up on by yourself.

You know, those ones that the kids just fucking discard like litter. I don't know why they just can't put them in like a nice neat place. They gotta get, they're always like thrown down on the ground. It always looks like there was some fucking, you know, they were all having a good time and then somebody with a chainsaw showed up

and they all just in a panic leaped off of them. There's always like a fucking pile of them and they're filthy. Fucking filthy. Like I feel like those things are the new payphones. Like someday people are going to be like, can you fucking believe? Like my generation is like, you remember payphones? Can you believe like I remember when I first moved to New York, I was calling the leads like Glenn Gary Glenn Ross going through roommate finders trying to

find a room to rent so I could move to New York City and I used a payphone in Times Square right next to the Howard Johnson's obviously that's the Howard Johnson Motor Lodge that's no longer. And I had the thing up to my fucking ear in Times Square. God knows how many people had used it. The other thing is like right near your mouth. I don't know, disgusting. But I think like those scooters are like the new thing that you just sort of walk up.

I don't know, somebody just told me like recently, like, you know, at the gym, there's more bacteria on the fucking dumbbells than there is on a public toilet. They always say, than a public toilet. And I don't believe that. I don't believe that there's more germs on a dumbbell than there is on a public toilet seat

And if by more germs you just mean regular germs I think the germs people are really concerned about is shit and piss germs Because there's no way Because there's no way the public is shitting and pissing into the same fucking bowl and that has less bacteria than what's on dumbbells. Unless people are wiping their ass with their fucking hand. There's always just some new thing to just fucking scare the shit out of you. I've been going to gyms forever and using those goddamn things. I've never gotten pink eye or anything like that knock on wood from going to the gym. So it's just like I get it. Everybody's using it. But I mean, is there more on like a fucking dumbbell than there

is on any door handle walking into a fucking store at that point. I Don't they're always doing shit like that and they're always doing shit like that and somebody's always shitting on a great TV show Nia was reading this review with this person was just ripping the penguin You know and I get it. Okay, you want to say? All right, the thing's been done a thousand times. All right, I'll go with that. But he didn't even give it up for Colin Farrell's performance. He's like, oh, he's just doing like fucking Al Pacino, De Niro and Gandalfini. Oh, he's just sort of doing an amalgam

of the three fucking greatest actors of the last fucking 50 years. Is that just what he's doing? You know, he's fucking critics. It's like, what is it? Can you enjoy anything? Does anything make you... You know what they like? You know what they like? They like shit that nobody knows about. That's what they like.

Oh, you watching The Penguin? That sucks. Have you seen The Fucking Sorcerer? No, I haven't seen that super here. What's the sorcerer? Oh, it's only available in Croatia. Ah, that's why you like it. So now we have to listen to you sit here at the table, talking about a fuck, you just fucking like it cuts over there. But I can tell you right now,

the fucking Croatian cunt version of you is in Croatia right now shitting on the sorcerer, saying that they like the Penguin better. But then again it's all streaming right so we're all kind of getting the same shows. See I got some sleep look at my ADDs back I'm all over the fucking road here. La Rue! So anyway I've been here for the last few days and just been having the best time other than when we locked ourselves out of our apartment. It's so funny, like the things that you know how to do in your country and then you get here and you just completely fuck them up.

You know what I mean? Because it's all just like a little different. Like how the fuck do I turn on the faucet? How do I turn on the light? Where do you flush the toilet? How does this fucking door lock? What am I doing wrong here? It's always just enough of a little left or right turn

to make you fuck it up. And then also like not knowing what shit is. I keep seeing these green crosses over here and I keep thinking it's a weed store It's a pharmacy And I learned over here that the pharmacists are actual like Sort of low-level doctors unlike in the United States when Will you go into a pharmacy and that they wear the doctor coat, but they really just sort of weigh pills,

put them in a jar. Like this, they're somewhere like, I think they're one level above a hygienist, or maybe a dental assistant, which I used to be. Contrary to my Wikipedia page that for years suggested that I was a dental hygienist and I never corrected it because I loved that it said that because then people be like it says there you were a hygienist. I'd be like yes it does. What was that like? I was never a hygienist but it

but it says it right here. Oh you mean on that fucking site that anybody can just write anything? But it says it on the internet. You know what would be incredible? What if human beings just had an inability to lie and then had the ability to say, you know what, I don't know the answer to that. What would the world be like? I bet there'd be a lot less websites on the internet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

The internet would be like when we first got cable, not first got cable, when there was like 40 to 80 channels. I'd say when it got to 100 channels Believe it or not when it got up to 100 channels People that were old when I was young were like flipping out you know and Bruce Springsteen sang a song, you know about how there's a hundred channels, but nothing's on and Which I thought was you know sort of misdirected sadness. It's like Bruce aren't you really sad because of something that happened when you were a kid? Is it really the TV's fault? Were you happier

when there was just three channels? I mean if I look at your body of work you've kind of been sad for quite a while. It never mattered how many channels there were. Oh, look at me, acting like the guy who reviewed The Penguin. You know what it is? Critics make you feel dumb. Like, you go, I really like this. And then somebody in like a newspaper goes, this has got to be the dumbest shit for mouth-breathing

fucking morons. I've've ever they don't say all that but that's what they're saying and yes just reading it like but but I liked it but my brain saw it and said it was good anyway I'm sticking by that show. I absolutely love it. So anyway, I've been over here and I swear to God, if I was over here for three months, three months, I always say this. I just don't have the time. If I had three months, I could get it down. What is going on here? I could get it down.

Please tell me it recorded all of that. I hope it recorded all of that. It just said low battery. And I'm only ten minutes in. Did I only do ten minutes? Well, you know, whatever. You heard it or you didn't. If I just jumped from one subject to another that's not my usual ad it was letting me know that i had a low battery um interrupting the recording just to let you know that's the phone version of when you're asleep on a plane and the stewardess comes over and wakes you up that always happens on the international flight they like wake you up. Excuse me, sir, would you like some breakfast? I was sleeping.

I get it though, because they got a plan like how many of these things they have to heat up or whatever. We were talking about that last night. Bianca Cristobal is over here, who's been fucking murdering and her act is at a whole other level. She's literally becoming the comic that I knew she was going to be the

first time I saw her. Like I swear to God, I could have been a fucking manager in this business. Like I can see a comic really early on and I'm batting about, say, 88% on that. That they're gonna, like, you can just, if someone's gonna be really good at this shit, you see it early on. But then there's all the variables, you know? Are they gonna work hard? Are they gonna, you know, fucking get involved in the,

you know, the drugs and all of that shit and fuck, you know, waste all of this time. God knows that can fucking happen. But if they stay on the straight and narrow, which she did, all of a sudden you're like, there it is. Like the, I've listened to her whole act both nights, you know, and I've heard probably a million hours of stand-up, so like it's not something that I always do.

But just what she's talking about is really funny and it's really interesting and her perspective is really unique. And even got an old fucking jaded comic like me to sit down and listen. So anyway, the theater's been great. It's a little 300-seater.

And they've had a bunch of comics there. Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Tom Segura. I forget who else. But a lot of American comics have come through. So it's been really cool to... Or cool, as they say over here. Cool. Super. Cool. Fantastique.

Now, the French people. Nobody says that. It's like, I get it. I get it. I did finally get to make fun of how they speak English, though, on stage. And that was very satisfying. And of course, they fucking laughed. That's what I was saying, I was saying,

yo, I've been speaking French all this week, and even when you guys switch to English, I keep speaking French, because if I have to listen to you butchering my language, you're gonna have to listen to me, right? And then I say, by the way, it's the posy. you're gonna have to listen to me right and then I say by the way it's the Pazzi anyway what else what else oh yeah I've been watching the Moto GP I'm all caught up on. You know what sucks is I finally found a MotoGP magazine

because there's the Formula One one and I can get that in the States because they've really been pushing the sport now that it's been on ESPN and a lot of people are getting into it. I guess this season has been great because someone asked me going, are you watching it? And I go, ah, you know, it was like,

Lewis Hamilton won everything and I got bored with that. And then Max Verstappen came and he won like 20 races Like what am I doing? You know, I'm just waiting for him to show me fourth and fifth place. They go no man. This year's been unbelievable and I'm like fuck All right, maybe that's the thing if I walk away it gets good Maybe that's what it is. But I've been loving the motor GP. Oh, but I didn't even finish what I was trying to say

is the people driving Vespas, okay? Just so everybody knows the difference. Not like the scooters that the kids leave laying in the fucking grass. The Vespas, those ones, the motorized ones that can go like 60 miles an hour. The way people fucking drive them over here. I can't believe I haven't seen at least 10 people die already.

They're absolutely fearless. They talk about people splitting lanes back in the states. But over here, they split lanes on the highway. But here, it's sort of chaos. Like there's not a lot of lines painted in the roads I've noticed. Where it's kind of saying like, okay, this lane's yours. This is mine. This sort of, there's a lot of vague areas in the roads and a lot of like rotaries and

shit and these fucking guys come flying in with a load of something on the back of it just zipping in and out of it you know i gotta be honest with everyone was freaking out the way tom cruise rode that motorcycle through paris but it's just like dude they closed off the streets for you i want to see you do it real time you know although i am making fun of a guy that duct taped himself to the side of an airplane. He has to go down in history as far as like the highest paid actor. Maybe Jackie Chan, because Jackie Chan used to get like fucked up all the time. Remember that the outtakes, he broke his ankle on that jump. And then they just made like a fake sneaker that he zipped up over the cast and he just finished the whole movie on like a broken ankle. I don't know. I think Tom

Cruise is America's Jackie Chan as far as like, like dude, you don't have to do that, man. You're making all of this money. What was that one he did? He did like a Dubai or something. He was like, he jumped off like the building or something like that, like the highest building in the world. Like what is going through your head

when you're in the trailer that day? You know, knowing full well, you could get a stunt man to do it. Most times I'm just sitting in a trailer with my five lines in the movies going, going like, please don't let me get fired. Just I'm doing the lines over and over and over and over again.

And he's in there having to learn lines and jump off a fucking building. Hey, can you run these lines with me before... I want to make sure I have them down before they duct tape me to the outside of a cargo plane. It's amazing. Anyway, I don't have any reads this week. Do I I don't think I do Let's check the email out. What does the email say? The email says no reads this week. Well, there you go. All right

Well, so I'm not up on anything that's going on in the states right now. I've watched a little bit of football That's about it. But anyway, I am psyched to get this show. There's these gigs behind me just so I know that they all went well. And then also that means I can go home and see my kids because I miss them terribly. And right before I left, I was watching this MotoGP race and my son loves motorcycles, what little boy doesn't? And he was like curled up next to me and he was putting his cheek against my cheek watching it.

And I was just like, I'm leaving this? Why would I do this? Like, you know, and it's just like, well, Bill, because you picked this job before you had kids. You're too far down the road to become a butcher or whatever the hell I would have done so anyway I can't wait to get back to see the two of them and show them all the pictures and everything but I'm here for such a short amount of time I haven't even tried to get acclimated to the time so I have yet to go to a boulangerie

je voudrais un de panneau au chocolat avec de... what else the what else the fuck do they have over there? I guess I want to get the question question The build the build butter um Kind of miss doing that so Anyway, sorry. I'm i'm all over the i'm all over the goddamn road. Did the election happen yet? Have I missed anything? I will tell you this. I did see a clip of Donald Trump in McDonald's, and I think that's the first time I've ever seen him truly happy.

You know, most of the time when a politician, you know, rolls his sleeves up and does like a fucking regular job, you know it's just for the photo op, but like he was genuinely excited. Like, oh, is this how they make them? I eat it every day. This is like, you know, it's like getting it was like, he looked like he was backstage at ACDC. Like the way I would be like, oh my god, I can't believe I'm back here. You guys just like sit around you have like tea before you go on and then you eat. What song you open it with? He was just back there like, I like when he put the extra fries in going, whoever gets this one's gonna be psyched.

I think he found his calling. It's the first time I've ever seen like the light on in his eyes. He had like passion. I think that's where he's supposed to be. Like maybe if his dad understood him more, if his dad understood him more, if his dad understood him more, like, he could have just been like, hey, listen, dad, you wanted to fucking,

whatever the fuck his dad did, you know, whatever Joe Kennedy shit he did to get their fucking fortune? Um... But he wanted to please him. All he wanted to do was work at McDonald's and just see how that magical food was made. Anyway, oh God.

I'm just happy the fucking election is almost over and I am really not looking forward to whoever wins and just listening to everybody on the other side acting like the sky is falling now because their candidate didn't win, you know, and just ignoring that it doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't fucking matter overall. Like the ship is going in the direction that a very small group of people that are beyond the president that don't pay taxes and all that shit, want it to go in. That's the direction it's going to continue to head in, like it always has. And that's the brilliance of having a president, because they're out of there in 48 years. So you can just ride it out no matter what the fuck they're trying to do.

And if they annoy the shit out of you, you can just fucking throw money at the other one and get that person out of there. That's my jaded belief. Ahem, ahem, ahem, ahem. And when I say that, I'm speaking on behalf of all centrists. Still annoyed by that fucking person. On behalf of all people, on behalf,

I've deputized myself because of things I read on Reddit to now discuss with you. So I am gonna have a little bit of an afternoon before I get back on the plane ride home tomorrow, Ademal, and I gotta try to figure out what I'm gonna go do. I did accidentally end up in a part of the city. That was where like they had like all the drum guitar Stores and all that I went to the drum store man

It was fucking amazing just because you know they had a lot of the same stuff But like it's just a different shit like they had a bunch of like electronic kits that were at the level of like V drums, which are the top ones? You know that brands brands I've never heard of that are not in the States. And they were really fucking cool drums. And they had them all set up. We could sit down and play another one that actually looks like a real drum kit. That one you couldn't play. But I was kind of amazed at how far along that that that is that is gone.

So but I did comment to me like we're walking around and like, I'm amazed at how far along that is gone. But I did comment to Nia, we're walking around, I'm like, where are all the kids? You don't see, what are the young people drinking and having a good time, where are they? She finally goes, well, they probably can't afford to live here. And I'm like, good point, need to go further outside

this touristy area. And I was like, that's kind of like Manhattan. Like when I moved to New York City in 1995, you saw young people all over the place, all over the place. And during the time that I lived there, it got so fucking expensive that all the young people ended up like out in Brooklyn, like you'd go out in Brooklyn, it's like, oh,

here they are, here's people in their 20s. Where did they go? All right, so I feel like I'm filibustering here people. I've been basically just trying to sleep the last couple of days so I wouldn't have any bad shows or anything like that. I haven't watched any hockey games. I know my Bruins beat the Canadians about a week ago. Obviously I'm happy about that. But I've watched no hockey. I don't know if

basketball's starting up. I'm not paying attention to the LeBron James, Bronny James thing. People are just rooting against his son so fucking hard. Like I just look at that like now as a dad going like what That'd be like if the whole public just hated my kid because their dreams didn't come true And we're rooting for my kid to fail why don't you go the other way? You know, it'd be great if he was better than LeBron and he started scoring more points than him and then seeing if LeBron turned into like the great Santini kind of dad or if he was actually could be cool with it.

You know? Like what if his son doesn't pass him the ball in the crucial moment and takes the shot himself and then hits it? And then people start chanting, Brawny James, Brawn instead of whatever they chant at LeBron. I don't know, they're Laker fans, they're not the brightest people out there. MVP, MVP. The guy doesn't pass the fucking ball.

Anyway, that's how the game of basketball is played in Los Angeles. Bill, do you really have to be that way? Oh, congratulations to the New York Yankees and the Los Angeles Dodgers. A classic World Series matchup. This is the shit that I grew up on. 77, 78, the first two World Series that I ever watched the entirety of. Yeah, this is who the fuck do you vote for? What do you root for here as a Red Sox fan? I mean, you can't root for the Yankees, but am I going to root for a team that also spent like 300 million bucks?

And as a guy on it that, you know, looked like he was gambling on baseball and he just goes, yeah, hey, it was my interpreter. And everybody's like, nothing to see here. Anyway, this is, I don't know, I'm just hoping it's going to go seven games. And I was on Instagram the other day, and I saw this really cool thing where they they showed the 1981 New York Yankees starting lineup. They were out in the field and they're going around the field and Reggie was still on the team playing right field. Nettles was still at third and Willie Randolph was still at second. That was what was left of those great

teams in 77 and 78. But there was no Lou Pennella. Thurman was obviously passed away. Chris Shambles was gone. I wonder who the pitch is. I wonder if Ron Guidry was still there. I can't remember. But one of my favorite players that the Red Sox only had for a season, I just loved how he played was Bob Watson and he was on first base and then they had Dave Winfield who was basically a giant Ken Griffey Jr. I felt like just a everything was just smooth the way through the ball the way you hit and all of that shit and also I Saw this a day late Rest in peace Fernando Valenzuela

I Was shocked to find out that he had passed away I wasn't aware that he was doing games and he had to step away like a month ago Speaking of 1981 that was one of the most fun years in baseball when I was growing up. Like there was so many fun things, the Pirates in 79, but Fernando Valenzuela in the 1981 Dodgers, like Tommy Lasorda, you know, how excited he was and how excited the fan base was and how? Fernando's like eyes would roll up in the back of his head and then they'd go to the side when he would go and throw the ball

He was like This is overnight sensation superstar And then he went in and he was part of that Dodger team that finally beat the Yankees have to lose into him in 77 and 78 and all the way back to Brooklyn. You know? I mean, I think they finally beat him once in the 50s. 55 maybe. But sorry for the creaky chair here.

Yeah, just shocked to hear that he passed away. So condolences to all his friends and families and his fans and all that shit. And this is why I don't speak at funerals because I would still curse. But, uh... It's just the worst. That guy wasn't that much older than me, man. That scares the shit out of you after a while. The older you get, when you start seeing, like, people like...

You know... I know he was sick, so that's one thing, but when you just see people die of natural causes that you remember when they were young, and then you start going, wait a minute, how fucking old are they? How old are they when I was watching them? And how old am I now?

I'm 30 years older than that guy was when I watched him as a kid? Where the fuck did all of this time go? But anyway, he will be a legend forever and I feel like as long as human beings around the Earth, who knows how long that is, when they bring up the great dodgers of all time, he's up there with everyone. Jackie Robinson, Sandy Koufax. there with everyone Jackie Robinson Sandy Koufax. Speaking of Sandy Koufax, do you know one time I was in Caesar's Palace and Pete Rose, the late great Pete Rose, the hit king, was signing his merchandise and I went in there with another comic I was working with

and we asked him you know who was the toughest pitcher you ever faced and he sat back and he looked at us and he goes who do you think he was like testing I love that he was testing us you know like I'm not just going to give you the answer. Let me see if you actually watch baseball. So I was trying to think like, you know, his era. So I was like Gibson, he's like, no. Don Drysdale, no. My buddy guessed a couple other people, like, no. And like, we go who? And he goes, Sandy Koufax.

And we both went, really? Because he had a brief career, dominant career, but brief career. So I just didn't think to say the name. I felt bad when he, oh, I was like, Sandy Koufax, why didn't I fucking say that, right? So he goes, oh, so when he said Sandy Koufax, we went, really?

And then he went like, he imitated a ball coming in straight and then just dropping off the table, 12 to 6, on both sides. Because Pete was a switch hitter, so he was basically saying this guy had the ability to drop it off the table, whether you, in an effective way, away from the hitter. Cause it was coming in diagonally and then dropping off to both sides of the plate. And I don't know, that's my Pete Rose story. Other than I had him sign, I think I told this,

at this point I must've told all my stories. There was two pictures of him that I bought. Both of them, his helmet was off and he was diving into third base. One was 75 and one was 76. And I said, alright, I go, can you write on the 75 one, Bill, I'm sorry? And he got this look in his eye and he looked at me and he goes, I'm not. Like, I'm not sorry. I go

listen it's gonna make sense and then on the 76 one because he beat the Red Sox big red machine beat the Red Sox in 75 and in 76 they beat the Yankees so on the 76 one I said can you write Bill you're welcome and then he got the joke and smiled and signed him and I I have them somewhere in my office I never I never hung them up because you know I never had an office you know I just live with my wife and you know the wife's not gonna have Bill you're welcome Bill sorry fucking baseball photos on the wall that's when you can tell like, you can fucking tell like who runs a marriage because if men ran the really ran the home anyway, like our houses

would look like fucking sports bars. There'd be sports memorabilia, there'd be a fucking beer tap. You know, those fucking taco holders and all of that bullshit, whatever the hell you're into, it would look like you know, like the fucking man. I love the man cave. The man cave, we're gonna take the garage this yet said send the guy out to the garage. Can you imagine if the guy ran the house, and they had like woman caves, they would be fucking bitch mode. How can we only get the garage and you get the fucking house? But it works because we don't give a fuck. It's like, take the house.

I don't give a shit. I like the garage. It's just a guy thing. It's like a bunker. It's fucking amazing. That's something like, I get like, I get excited when I see somebody's garage and it's clean and they can actually park a car in it, like, you know, and they, and they, they went out

and they got like some special surface on the floor of the garage. I actually get like excited. I'm more excited, you know, kitchens and bathrooms, cellar house, fuck that. If somebody has a garage that you can eat off the floor and they have some vintage car in there or an old motorcycle or a bunch of tools, whatever the fuck they're into and they're all in their perfect place, like, there's a level of just respect that I immediately have for the man that owns that garage. You know what I mean? I don't know. Whatever. I'm babbling. That's the podcast everybody. Merci beaucoup.

I think that's it. That's it. All right. That's the podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts. And I will, I will talk to you on Monday. And what else? That's the podcast have a great weekend your cunts and I will I will talk to you on Monday and What else that's right Andrew's Thelma's is gonna play some music That he's picked out and then we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast All right, Oh Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, October 24th, 2016. Oh, we're getting down to it.

Oh, those little kids are going to be coming by for the candy, right? Oh, those cute little kids. Yup, cute until they're about seven and then they start thinking they know shit, right? And then they fucking start showing up. I swear to God, you know, if they're almost eye level, you know, you ought to be able to just, you know, get the fuck out of here. Go buy your own god damn, get a fucking paper root, you bum, right? The first hour, hour and a half of Halloween is great.

The kids are so fucking cute. The parents are all excited. It's really what it is. Like, the cutoff for fucking Halloween should be roughly about eight years old. And then everybody else should just go fuck off. Go put your fucking, you know, put your virtual reality glasses on and go shoot a bunch of people. Whatever it is these kids do nowadays, I don't pretend to understand. You know, I understand they can't go outside. You can't put send them outside because, you know, there's a pervert behind every fucking tree evidently. So don't have

them outside. Have them inside. Put on some virtual reality glasses and let them just walk around in this world, you know, just shooting up people where they're nice and safe. Right? I don't dunno, I was just reading this. There was this psychology magazine that I picked up, um, during this fucking unbelievable ride back I had from Nashville. It was all about, uh, narcissism and that type of stuff and just how easily that word is thrown around now, how everybody, you know, who isn't a psychologist,

like self includedincluded, somehow that word like hit the mainstream. I don't know when. It's been around my whole life. I think the article said sometime in the early 70s and then everybody, oh, this person's not a narcissist, narcissistic, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I guess it actually true narcissists, it only affects a really small portion of the, of the population.

They were just talking about there's different kinds of it. Everybody thinks it's the person taking a selfie. It isn't necessarily that person. Someone could be a total fucking narcissist, but goes the other way and is really depressed and withdrawn and all that. Basically, their pain and all of that becomes their narcissism. Just fucking sitting around talking about how miserable they are. I have no fucking idea.

All I know is I read it and I was just going, yeah, I do that. Oh, I do that too. That's what I read shit on fucking psychos, narcissists, fucking lunatics, whatever the hell it is. You know, it's like reading a fucking horoscope. I swear to God, you know, when you sit there, and I've always maintained, people who are into astrology, you always go, you believe in that shit? I believe in that shit.

And if you got the fucking paper, just say, when were you born? I was born on May the 6th. Oh, you're a fucking, you're a Taurus, right? And then go read the fucking Gemini or the Sagittarius or the fucking blue bonnet bowl Whatever the fuck sign they are you just read that one instead and you watch them develop. Oh, yeah I know it. I know exactly what that means Yeah, that was for September See, you know, it's people like why can't you just let me believe what I want to believe

So I'm actually recording this Sunday night. I was going to record it tomorrow morning, but my lovely, beautiful, gorgeous wife is upstairs. And you know what she's doing? She's watching the reality fucking shows. And I sit there, I try to hang in there. I fucking try to hang in there. I can't fucking do it. It's, it's like, it's so fucking depressingressing I don't understand how she and Michael Rappaport can watch that fucking shit. It's just it's it's fucking She's watching one right now all they do they just sit around talking about stuff Bags and shoes and this one wants titties because her sister's got bigger titties I wish I had tits like you. And then again, it's like, these are like,

they stay, don't do anything. And then they're always going on vacation to clear their head from doing nothing. I guess being on the show and having been in front of the cameras and stuff. I guess that would get fucking annoying after a while, but they, they don't fucking do anything. And then there's this guy with a beard, and he comes walking in, and he's always acting like he's fucking got all these businesses going. He's not fucking doing anything either.

They do the show. That's what the fuck they do. And so I'm hanging in there, and I'm trying to watch. I'm trying to watch. And then they do that horror. You watch them talk about the shit, and then they cut to the people who you just saw talking about the shit Then they talk about this. They just talk about what they just did so

The one who wants to get a fucking boob job And they probably just had her do it You know just so they get a fucking episode out of it all I know has been the end when she goes to talk about it. This is what I tapped out. After listening to these fucking people sitting around talking about themselves, you know, and just walking around with these fucking $10,000 worth of clothes to walk into a fucking living room and sit down and talk about other clothes. Right? They cut to the one who was going to get her titties done and she sits down and the first

thing that comes out of her mouth she just goes, for me? And I was just like, I gotta get the fuck out of here. I gotta get the fuck out of here. I can't like, what do you mean for me? We just listened to you talk about it. Like they should just, why don't they should just go down to a fucking soup kitchen? Go ladle out some shit for a while And I mean then they would just talk about how fucking amazing it was so amazing to meet all these different people and it's that they're just like really

really poor and I just It just I just felt for me It was just so great to connect with people and they would be doing that in full on fucking makeup with love bracelets going all the way up to their fucking, their goddamn neck. And I don't know, just after helping people like that, I just really feel like I need to clear my head and go to San Luis Obisco, whatever the fuck those goddamn people go. Jesus Christ, I just, I don't know why she watches it. Why does she watch it? She likes great movies. She's a very smart person. I don't know. I guess, you know, for me, I guess

I watch fucking football. You know, that's just as fucking stupid. I watch people sitting there talking about, I guess, I guess that's the female version of it, and I have to accept that's the fucking fact and that we are staying in this fucking house right now. And you know what's going on with this house? We thought this fucking creepy ass house was haunted, all right? We looked at it during the day. During the day, it looked great.

At night, it feels like there's somebody fucking watching you and you're hearing all these weird sounds and everything. And, you know, I kind of figured out, we kind of figured out what it is. There's rodents in the walls of this place, like a lot of old houses. If you have an old fucking house, you know, there's inroads there. Like, you know, if you lived in Buffalo and you bought an old house, would it really surprise you if there was some Prohibition era tunnel underneath your fucking house? I mean, you know, the Capone fucking characters were there, you know, right across the river was Canada, they'd bring the fucking booze in.

Well out here you got all these fucking old ass houses, mine included, which by the way I just went over there to see where the fuck they were and trying to rewire the thing so I won't blow up my house someday and they told me they were done with the wiring and I was all excited and I gloated that there was no more fucking cloth wiring in the goddamn house and I went on and I, look at me, now I'm talking about my stuff I go to turn the fucking light on turn the light on and they go what do you call it the fucking lights that are on the wall that under the ceiling right whatever the fuck you call it it's fucking sitting there right and I turn on the light and

it just goes I see this spark just go like right out the side and landed on the dog bed and I just shut it off. I was like, hi, I'm gonna bring that up tomorrow. But uh, no, I got in there and they got the floor and now they're starting to build the cabinets. So I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel here. So uh, you know, I'll tell you the cloth wiring never did that but once we get this done then the fucking house is it's done it's fucking done and I can just live there quietly and just you know stare at the fucking wall and know that there's no more squirrels in there like this fucking place I don't

know what the fuck are in the walls I remember that story I told you a few weeks ago about I was over a buddy's house and there was a mouse in the house. That was this house. And the reason why I said it was a friend of mine's house because I didn't want to tell my wife that there was a fucking rodent in the goddamn house because then she'd be freaking the fuck out and I'd have to deal with that shit. All right? But my father-in-law was over. It was three weeks later. We had a couple of beers It was a funny story. I just finally just said, you know, you know, my wife brought up that it was haunted I finally just said no, honey. It's not haunted. There's fucking rodents

And and in in the walls, I just heard one Came walking by and I heard a bunch of shit fall down the plaster. And I know that's what it is because when I was a kid we had that problem in our house. And I remember we had these squirrels were in the fucking walls. I don't know how they got in there but they were fucking in there. And so we somehow cornered one. It was behind the cabinets and it was like a whole, like, not behind the cabinets, like it was in the wall behind the cabinets. So all I remember was I had like this mop handle and I'm fucking, you know, rattling it in the hole as my dad had this, you know, the fucking giant butcher knife trying to

find this fucking thing and he's fucking jabbing the knife in the hole and I got the fucking mop handle going, trying to flush this thing out. All of a sudden this fucking thing, like a rocket, runs out of the hole right up the fucking mop handle, up my arm, jumps on my shoulder and just leaps off and I was just like, ah, and the fucking thing. And it had nowhere to go and my dad cornered it

and he finished the fucking thing off. It was this is before PETA. Now I guess we would have been accused of some sort of hate crime against squirrels. I have no idea, but my dad finished the fucking thing off. And we dealt with that. squirrels I have no idea but my dad finished the fucking thing off and you know we dealt with that there was bats in the fucking anything you know there was an old house the house was older than the house that well I guess was

made earlier I don't think it was older was like 70 years old mine's fucking 90 anyways these old fucking houses it's just you gotta have guests all right I'm not a big ghost guy like I always think it's rodents first, and I don't, these fucking things are all over the goddamn place, so. I don't know, you know, at least I can say that about my fucking piece of shit of a house. You know, at least I don't have squirrels on the walls.

You know, I mean, you turn the fucking light on, I mean, I'm not saying a spark won't come out and Singe off half your fucking mustache at this point, but you know, you know, it's a it's a process That's what it is Alright, so anyways as you guys might remember I was taping a stand-up special on Friday at the Ryman and I Did it it went great Now I have the horrible thing where I have to go back and look at myself, which is not something I, I don't know. It's the weirdest thing.

Like if I, if I just taped a set and I'm just going to watch it, I can look at it. But if I know that this is going to go onto Netflix and that the general public, if they want to can look at it, then then every fucking thing that I hate about myself is just like sticking out like a sore thumb. So I'm gonna have to try to plow my way through this as quickly as possible, but the shows went great. It was such an amazing night and I Got to tell you, you know if I don't sound excited is it's kind of like a letdown a couple days later because now I have no fucking act and I a couple days later, because now I have no fucking act. And I had such a good time.

And it was so weird coming up to that. I was like, oh my god, I'm so sick of these fucking jokes. I gotta record these and move on, because I'm past these jokes. And then that night I was doing them, I was having so much fun when the night was over. I was like, oh my god, I don't get to do this bit anymore, I don't get to do that bit anymore. I guess I can't for the next this bit anymore. I don't get to do that bit anymore. I guess I can for the next couple of months before the thing comes out, but. Another one in the can, another one in the can.

Joe Barton had killed, it's gonna be cool. I think we're gonna have a, hopefully have a nice look to it. I don't know, I already looked at some pictures of it and I, you know, I'm already just going, oh, why did I do this, why did I do that? But I think it looks good. I fucking't know. I already looked at some pictures of it and I, you know, I'm already just going, oh, why did I do this? Why did I do that? But I think it looks good. I fucking hate this. This is the worst part of it. It's the worst part of it. I wish I could just take a fucking drug that would make me forget that I was watching myself and I could just sit

down and be like, okay, this is somebody else's special. Put this here, put that there, bing bang boom and it's done. Then I could fucking walk away from it. So, I don't know, it's the only thing I don't like about it. But other than that, it went fucking great. So, listen to this shit. So, I, oh, and thank you for everybody who came out too. It really was an incredible, incredible night. Yeah, it was fucking awesome. And now I'm just sitting in the basement of this fucking rat-infested fucking house.

My year is done. I got nothing to do. I got comics come home is my last thing. And then I'm just fucking in town because I've been out of town all year. And we got to finish editing. F is for family and you know I feel I feel like hey there's the lovely Nia what do you know so I'm gonna tell him the story here do you want to jump on I'm gonna tell them the story of that flight that I had.

I'll hit pause here if you want to grab a mic. You don't have to pause. Keep doing your thing. Okay. Well, do people really want to listen to you unwrapping that shit? All right. I'll tell you a story. So anyways, so Nia was supposed to come out and see me, right?

And then for whatever reason, you weren't able to make it out, right? For whatever reason. For whatever reason. Yeah, whatever reason you weren't able to make it out Right for whatever reason Yeah, whatever reason the doctor said you're not allowed to fly In your current condition, that's right. Yes, so I'm like, all right. I Guess I'm out there by myself And so I was gonna I was gonna hang out with her with her on Saturday, go around doing all the dumb shit. Barbecue. Yeah, we were going to get barbecue and then we were going to go to that fucking restaurant that every fucking person goes to that was in that show Nashville that you loved.

The Bluebird Cafe. All right, the Bluebird Cafe. We were going to do all of that shit and then at night I was either going to go to the Penguin's Predators game or I was going to go to the Vanderbilt football game. But you weren't allowed to go, so I said fuck it, I'll come back Saturday. Or as they say in Boston, say! Right? So I had a, hang on, let me turn your fucking mic on it.

You good? Yeah. Can you hear me okay? Yeah, so- You like how I'm able just to put the thing together? Like I know how to do it now. Yes you do. What I didn't like is that you've been driving that wonderful car that I got you for a year

and you've never checked the oil or had anybody check it. I thought you knew to do that to at least... I mean I think I knew in like as a general concept that that's a thing that needs to happen but yeah thank you but um... as a concept this is the thing I didn't know shit about cars or engines really I just concept I knew that you had to do it, but I just I just went on YouTube I went on YouTube how does an engine work? I just started with that and then I got all the way up to like, you know, I started watching gas monkey

I started watching Eric the car guy Eric the car guy is great and you just learn Eric the car guy you'll even learn about electrical learn, Eric the car guy, you'll even learn about electrical. That guy fucking knows everything. And you can get your head around what's going on underneath the hood. It all needs to stay lubricated and it needs to stay cool. Those are the two big things. Cool and lubricated. Cool and lubricated.

Okay, got it. If it gets too hot, the block could crack, or the fucking pistons and everything. You literally just seize up the engine. OK, so you haven't put a lot of miles on it. So here's the thing. So I go out there, and I'm'm gonna show her how to check the oil. Right.

So I go into the cockpit of this fucking thing and I'm trying, it's not even labeled where to do it. I finally find the piece of plastic, because you don't want to tug too hard on any of it. Some of it's just parts that come apart, you know, and then there's like the fuses underneath there. So I finally find it, I pop the hood, and I clearly see where you put the oil in, and for the life of me, I cannot find any I pop the hood and I clearly see where you put the oil in and for the life of me I cannot find any dipstick anywhere And I'm like where the fuck is it where the fuck is it where the fuck is it and I finally googled You know you're making model

Where is the dipstick and it's just it's all on the dashboard now Yeah, it's gonna if you're low on oil. It's gonna tell you which I guess is more convenient or whatever But I don't know I get told me that my tire pressure was too low But I get nervous as far as like if that fucks up Like yeah, the dipstick is great. You stick it in there. Well, actually you pull it out. You wipe it off first That's what I was doing You stick it in you pull it out and it'll show you if you need, you know, add. It'll say full, and then there's this little round thing where you're going too high and you have too much oil. Little round, little circle, as

they say, little shape of circle. That was it. And it's just not fucking there. So anyways, let me tell you. So leaving Nashville, so I go, all right, you know, she can't fly out, so I'm going to, I'll fly back Saturday and I'll hang out with her, right? Mm-hmm. So I go over to the airport. I get there nice and early. I drop off the car, the rental car. I'm all zippity doo-dah because I'm nice and early.

I get all the way to the gate, long ass fucking walk, and I realize that I didn't, you know, I didn't give the car keys to the people there at budget. I'm like, ah, fuck. So I had to walk all the way back. I wasn't on the car keys to the people there at budget. I'm like, ah, fuck. So I had to walk all the way back. I wasn't on the other side of security. I just walked all the way back. And then I came back, thinking in my head, see, this is why I leave plenty of time. I'm not losing my temper.

Everything's fucking fine. This is the new bill, right? I'm not going to be the new bill. I'm not going to be a man. I'm trying to find the humor in things. Okay. All right. Like I had my checks for my gigs this week. I go down to the bank tonight because I don't want to deal with the clusterfuck of the bank

during the day with a bunch of people who don't understand how to handle their money. Their money is fucked up and you're standing behind them in line and it takes for fucking ever. And they're always yelling through the bulletproof glass at the other person is if that person went out and bought too much shiny shit with their money Basically speaking. All right. I'm not talking about that Wells Fargo crap with those cunts What they did and then they paid off those five thousand people like all right get the fuck out of here Here's a little confidentiality agreement you guys all collectively yet individually came up with this fucking scam. It wasn't me

You guys all collectively yet individually came up with this fucking scam. It wasn't me Anyways plowing ahead So I went down I go down the bank and it takes you know I had like three checks it takes two out of three and it won't take the last one and I started to lose it I distinctly remember Slapping the ATM machine and hearing my wedding band ring when I did it And I was just like I went up up to eight, eight for me, 12 for any other normal person, but it was an eight for me. And I was like, Bill, just fucking relax.

It's all fine. And I thought about my flight and what the fuck happened. And I was just like, this is really pales in comparison. So here's what happened to my flight. So I get on this fucking flight, right? Sitting up there, first fucking clash. Right? First clash. But I have the stressful first class seat.

It's the fucking front row. So you got the bulkhead in front of you, which means I always just have a backpack. I always shove it underneath the seat. So I get on the plane fucking relaxed. I don't have to worry about overhead space if somebody shoves 15 coats up there in a child seat. You know? But I had the stress because you know, I

Didn't have the fucking thing in front of me. So there was once I got past that stress. I sat down It's all fucking good and we're flying back and all I'm thinking is ah, fuck man. I'm getting back It's fucking football Sunday tomorrow. I'm gonna watch the the fucking the Formula One race You know, I'm gonna watch the Patriots game. I'm gonna maybe watch the formula one race. I'm going to watch the Patriots game. I'm going to maybe watch a little Buffalo Miami. I got my whole thing laid out, right? Maybe catch a late college game.

Shit, by the time I land, it's only going to be like 8 o'clock at night. So we fucking go up in the air. We're about 45 minutes into the flight, and I start smelling what smells like burnt popcorn. That's the smell first and then it gets a little more fucking intense. And I'm kind of looking at the stewardesses. I'm in the first fucking row going, did one of them burn a meal?

Like I'm smelling a burning smell and it's starting to fuck with my eyes a little bit and I'm not seeing any panic on their faces, so I go, it must be food, because I know I only have a few hours flying with my license, but I know, you know, smoking the plane is not a good thing, right? No. So everything's going about normally, and then all of a sudden, I feel us descending.

You know, and I feel like the fucking wings are doing blah blah blah doing that shit. And I'm like, oh wow, we must be hitting some rough air. Because then the smoke wasn't as bad, and I was thinking like we must be hitting, it wasn't like visible smoke. You could smell it, and I could kind of feel it in my eyes a little bit.

How old did I just sound? I could smell it, I felt it in my eyes, it was very uncomfortable So the fucking wings are like doing that shit, and I'm thinking like oh he probably got it. They know a Report that there was some rough air up, and he's gonna go underneath it Then we'll go back up again, and then like all of a sudden my glass With the water started sliding forward like all of a sudden. I was kind of realizing that my chair sliding forward. Like all of a sudden I was kind of realizing that my chair was kind of we were at like a like not a 45 degree angle but we were at a significant we were fucking descending rapidly and all of a sudden the stewardess

just came up she goes can I take your glasses we're landing and then I was just like oh fuck something's on fire. And the pilot didn't give any like announcement like no because we were like at 30-something thousand feet. And the second you smell smoke, it's like, I don't know. I guarantee you there were lights lighting up on his little dashboard there. And it wasn't saying, check the tire pressure. I don't know what warning lights they have. He probably didn't want to make, he didn't want everyone to panic.

So he's just like, you know what, let me just land this thing. No, I think he smelled smoke, like there's something on fire and I'm 30,000 feet and I have to get this thing on the ground immediately. And I don't mean, but that's why he didn't say anything. Because when they normally tell you like, we're going to like descend really quickly because of this, that and the other. I had nothing to do with scaring us and he didn't have fucking time. OK. So he just fucking goes down and I'm just like, oh shit, here we go.

So the stewardess, I didn't know we were landing because everybody had the shades pulled down. And I wasn't until my glass fucking slid forward, I was like, this guy's really dropping down here. What's going on? So when she came over and she said, hey, we're landing now. We're literally 50 minutes in the flight nashville to la right the woman next to me goes like oh my god we're here already and i was like i laughed and i was like no no i go we're landing she goes where and i said well i

looked at my watch and go i don't't know. She fucking lifted up the shade. I saw a river. I go, maybe that's the Mississippi. I'm going to say St. Louis. Turned out it was Little Rock, Arkansas. And she goes, why are we landing? And I was like, well, probably had to do with that. Did you smell that burning smell?

She's like, yeah, I go, probably has to do with that. And so she's looking around. I go, yeah, but he had total control of the airplane. But my thing that I was worried about is, I don't know about the mechanics on planes and shit, but if there was something, whatever it burned through, some wire, some hydraulic thing and all of a sudden he can't control it. And next thing you know, we're upside down like in that Denzel movie. When you lose the rear stabilizer, the dumbest shit ever that he's able to flip it back over and land You know

Hollywood movie. Yeah, he wants it's up like you fucked Nobody can land that not even sully right? So we start fucking coming in and we're in Little Rock I don't know. It's Little Rock and all I see is this fucking river And you know those things you can only see out the side And i'm just thinking get it on the ground get it on the ground just get it on the fucking ground And uh, all i'm seeing is this fucking That's the uh, that's the rodents in the wall Okay, there's one there's one like right above your fucking head or it ran by I think it's a corridor But I don't know if you guys can't hear it. You just hear plaster falling

hit or it ran by I think it's a corridor but I don't know if you guys can't hear it you just hear plaster falling I think they ate through the air-conditioned duck and they just sort of run back and forth you know okay all right so anyway so I'm almost dying in a plane crash in here so the fucking thing comes down all crap and all I see is the the river and that's what I started thinking of like it's if this motherfucker puts this thing in the water, all right, all I'm thinking is stay conscious. You have to fucking stay conscious. And that fucking door is right around the corner,

provided he doesn't smash the whole thing up and you can't open the door. Then I gotta fight my way through all these other fuckers and I'm gonna drown. But then I see the runway, he lands the thing and then just like, please reverse engines, reverse engines, those things kicked in. Then once we stopped, I was like, okay, all right, fine.

I live, right? So we go over, we taxi over, there's a fire engine, well, there's only one, cause it's Little Rock, Arkansas, right? It's a little fucking fire engine comes over. We go to deep lane, like deep lane, there was smoke, bop a bell. The captain came on and he finally says, he said, I had my hands full up here.

Me, uh, sorry, I didn't make an announcement. Meaning like it was a serious fucking thing. Yeah. Um, so I, as we go to get off, there's two guys in the giant fucking asbestos suits. They look ridiculous. They look like they were beekeepers. It is they didn't look like firefighters and we go to get off and As we get off, you know the ticket agent person like okay They're gonna check to see if the plane is still fine and blah blah blah And all I'm thinking in my head is like do the fucking thing was on fire. Someone's on fire There's no fucking way we're getting back on that. There's people walking in with the bee keeper suits. It's over, right? So we sit there for about a half an hour and they finally come on. They say, okay, here's the deal. We need to get a new plane. The plane that we're going to get is

two hours away, but the crew is an hour away from getting to the plane. So it's going to be about a three hour delay. And people were kind of cool, but hour delay. And you know, people were kind of cool, but there's those, you know, the 15% are like, ah, this is what they're doing, what kind of way is this running airline? Yeah, what is it? Giving them shit. Yeah.

Okay, giving them shit. It's like, dude, the fucking thing, I don't know what was on fire, what was smoldering, but it was smoldering at 30 something thousand feet. And the fucking pilot just got us on the ground and we like a stud and we didn't die and now you're fucking bitching. Yeah, go up to the bar and shut the fuck up. Right? So there's one guy there with his purple shirt and he's fucking breaking his neck, shaking his head like, and you know the deal,

you know, you know the deal. If they say it's going to happen in three hours, that means about it's going to be about 12. Right? So we go into the bar and I watch Auburn kicking the shit out of the Razorbacks. Then I watch the Cubs get into the World Series and they just keep going like, well, now it's looking like 930. And then they do that. It's looking like 1010. We're thinking 1046 and people just eat more, ugh, ugh, ugh, freaking out. Then they change the gate and everybody just is gradually more and more freaking out.

And then they're vacuuming up the airport. It was the Hillary and Bill Clinton airport, the Bill and Hillary Clinton airport, which was basic seats, the Clintons, they stole so much money. There's only so much left for the airport. Right? So long story short, we landed about four o'clock this or five o'clock or something like that. The plane, we didn't get on the fucking plane to get out of there until like, uh, like a little bit after 1 a.m. And this is the thing, like the lady, the person goes, okay, so the plane's

here and then every, so it's like, so it's going to take us to LA now. And the lady and the person, the guy just gonna take us to LA now and the late in the person The guy just goes like ah now that the plane's gonna take you back to Dallas Everyone's like I was like Dallas we came from Nashville. This is what kind of way is it to run an airline? They're like screaming at this guy And and I was I sat the whole time. I just sat there laughing my ass off going like, who gives a fuck as long as we're not dead, right? Like I just couldn't like, I mean, it was fucking scary, right?

So they end up flying us into Dallas and we land and we're like, this is the plane we're taking to LA, right? Like absolutely, we land in Dallas and they go, okay, we're going to need everybody to get off the plane. Everybody says, oh, James, my god, fuck, kick me. There's one guy, you hear this guy. They can't possibly think we're ever going to fly this airline again, right?

I'm like, I'm absolutely going to fly it again. One of the guys who works for them just flew a plane that was somehow on fire from 30,000 fucking feet down to the ground. It's a great airline It's a great fucking airline so we get off the fucking plane and I slept on the fucking floor waiting for the get-back on we ended up getting back on and We ended up landing like I think like 10 in the morning and actually figured it out

It took 16 hours for me to get back from Nashville and from here to Sydney, Australia is 14 hours. So I literally could have flown to Sydney, got a connecting flight and got my ass down to Melbourne. But you know what, Nia? I didn't fucking, I didn't burn up in a plane. That's all I just kept thinking.

The fact that you didn't flip out is still like kind of amazing to me. But the thing is with you is that when big things like this happen, you are so calm. Like you are just very like relaxed and you have like a lot of perspective about it and you're like, well, but this and this and this so this and this and this but like, you know, God forbid there's a new operating system on your phone. It's like you have the meltdown of like, you know, I would put everybody, everybody who flipped out about all of that airplane shit.

I would have put all of them to shame over, you know, new operating system on your phone. I can, I can lose it. I can sit for 16 hours in an airport. I had a great time. I went in, I sat down, I watched the cubs. Like I'm sitting there going like the Cubs literally have not been had a great time. It's unbelievable. I went in, I sat down, I watched the Cubs. Like I'm sitting there going like, the Cubs literally have not been to a World Series. They haven't even been there.

As bad as Cleveland is, they haven't even fucking gotten to the World Series in 71 years. That's almost impossible. If it wasn't for them, it is impossible, because I don't think anybody else has ever fucking done like just not been there. I would have been crying out of frustration. I would have been so tired and hungry and frustrated and like all these things.

The fucking plane was on fire. No, I get it. I whatever it was smoldering. Something was burning and everyone was sitting there going who had one of those fucking galaxy seven phones in there? Right. Exactly. Yeah, that they checked.

That's what I was thinking. Because there was that thing with value jet was something caught on fire underneath there and it burned through whatever controllers they had and that thing crashed into a fucking swamp and some of the bodies got eaten by alligators. Oh, Jesus. Did you say that somebody- Give a fuck that I'm sleeping on a floor. Did you say at the airport, somebody asked about that phone?

They were asking people if anyone had that phone? Oh, when we got back on the plane the second time, they said, if anybody has a Galaxy 7 phone, can you notify the stewardess? Yeah. Which is hilarious to me. Okay, it's a- Well, that happened on a plane. You know, that guy's phone started smoking in his pocket.

He went to turn it off, he put it in his pocket, and then, or something like that, and it started smoking. Yeah, but that's not going to take down a plane. If it's in your bag, and it starts smoking, and then ignites with the shirt, or some shit like that, and you have a really, I guess, a bad canvas suitcase. Why could not have happened? And it eats its way out.

Then I think you're in trouble. But what's what's he going to do? We just stare at his pocket as it slowly catches on fire going, oh, my God. I think that's my God. What do I do? Pockets on fire. We're all going to die. Yeah, I think that's exactly what happened.

He's there was a guy that literally tried to light his fucking shoes on fire and everybody just beat the fuck out of him. Like that's what I would have happened to this guy. And he was trying to take the fucking plane down. Yeah, those phones are like, they always exaggerate. They always exaggerate. Like you went through, if there's anything smoking on a plane, on a pressurized fucking enclosed thing, not vehicle, but you know what I'm saying, vessel, you got to get everybody

out of there. Better safe than sorry. I know, but it's like, okay, so your phone starts catching on fire. It's starting, I mean, how long are you going to take it out? Like, oh my God, what the fuck? And then take your little complimentary glass of water and dump it on it and it's dark. I mean, how long are you going to take it out? Like, oh my God, what the fuck? And then take your little complimentary glass of water and dump it on it. And it's over. You know what? I don't know what he did after that. I'm sure he took it out and was like, oh shit. I know exactly what he did. He grabbed somebody else's phone and

took a selfie and said, hashtag fuck my wife. And then he got a deal. He got some sort of internet deal. And now he makes 400 grand. He's the fuck my life guy. And he runs around and he does splits in front of people like the dude with the blonde hair. That fucking 60 minute segment really chaps your ass, didn't it? No, it didn't. Wait, a little back up. Bill and I just watched this 60 minute segment, right, about social media influencers.

And so there's these kids on there because, you know, they're millennials or whatever, with the exception of Kim Kardashian. But the other people on there are these young people that, you know, have all these viewed vines and Snapchats and everything. And so companies are paying them insane amounts of money to do advertising for. And one of them is this blonde kid whose name I don't remember. He's fucking hilarious. And he does these splits in front of people, random locations.

He's like at the wall of China, Eiffel Tower and everything. And he has all these like views. So he gets no, no, I thought all those kids are funny. what drove me nuts about it was how the reporter just couldn't get his head around it going like so then you get six million views and people want to advertise in that I told you 60 minutes is for old people it's like fuckhead you're on a TV show. There's advertising on your TV show. The amount of viewers that you have is how much you can charge for ad space. Why would this be? He just couldn't get his fucking head around it. He does. He's explaining it to the people that are watching 60 minutes, which are older people generally. They have older correspondents.

They're explaining it to our parents. They're not explaining it to us. And they get it. Oh, you're letting them off the hook. You're letting them off the hook. No, they're doing it, I'm telling you. You're letting them off the hook. They're doing it for like 60, 70 plus year old people.

That reporter was exactly who I thought he was. No, I'm telling you. And you let him off the hook. I'm telling you. There is a reason why they're so like, going over and over and over again. All right, well maybe because I get get it maybe because I get it. Yeah, you get like impatient with it That's for old people that are like you do know I've ever yeah

I fucking have a part a podcast. It's a radio show on the internet Enough people listen that's people will like advert know, but explain that to like an old, I shouldn't even say my dad's 65 and I think he would grasp that concept. But like think about the most older people who are not LA, New York, who are just not savvy about that stuff, like they don't get it. And they probably don't necessarily still get it.

Oh, and then I fucking do this and I wear a Jimmy John shirt. And he's like, and then they pay you for that? It's like to half the fucking bands this guy's going to see. Like there's advertising at the shows. The Rolling Stones have like Bud Light in the background, right? I know. I just think I really think that they're explaining it for older people who don't understand what

it means to go viral. They don't even know what that word means. It's a new phenomenon for them. They don't get it. That 60 minutes is not for people who... No, it's a new word for what the fuck they've been doing. Yeah. 60 minutes went viral in the 60s.

It was a hit show. Right. It just wasn't viral. It went fucking... Because there was no internet. TVO. Viral. Whatever the fuck you call a hit TV show.

Right, but viral didn't exist in the internet. And do you think there was people from the 1800s still alive going like, so you're in that box and the more people that watch it, you make more money? Yes, yes, that's exactly how that works. Yeah. It was fucking like, but he said it to every one of them.

I know. Every single. I'm telling you, he was explaining it for the older people at home that don't understand these things. And Kim Kardashian couldn't have broke it down anymore for him. And he just couldn't get his fucking head around. He's like, so you don't sing, you don't dance. He's like, no, I just like, it's a lifestyle.

I'm a brand. And he's like, dude, you're literally interviewing her on, you're taking the fucking time to interview her. She obviously has some sort of fucking clout. I've never seen a guy so in the eye of the storm and he's out there with like sunglasses on like looking for the sun. It's windy out and a tree can hit me in the head. He just couldn't get his fucking head around it.

It was driving me up the head. He just couldn't get his fucking head around it. It was drive me up the fucking wall. Drive me up the wall. And then also like people acting like these little things were these high concept fucking bits. They're not the quick little fucking things like that dude going, I can do the whole Batman Superman. What if in four seconds? Yeah, of course. Yes. Everybody said that. Yes. Superman would just fuck him up. That was it and Then the old guy was going like so like that's that's what you think would happen Sorry That and when you were watching your reality show I tapped out when that girl finally just goes for me After she's just been talking about herself and then she after she'd just been talking about herself.

And then she's going to talk about herself talking about herself. I had no idea my mom was that frustrated that it affected her that way. And I just feel like for me, I know I really do hate that. Just for me, I just feel like for me, I just feel like is not a great way to start a sentence. You should just say, I think I feel. All of that reality show speak that you watch, you know, and that made me feel a certain kind of way. Some type of way.

Made me feel some type of way. Some type of way. Made me feel some type of way. It's always so fucking vague, but some type of way never means happy. No. Why can't you just say it fucking pissed you off? Maybe because this is a nicer way to say it. Right. Maybe because you don't want to get into your specific emotions. So you're like, it just had me feeling some type of way. Oh, no, no, no. There is not one woman on any of those shows that does not want to get into how they're feeling emotionally that is what the entire fucking show is i don't know i think it's just the way young people are speaking now they don't say that made me frustrated or i was really angry no that was like that was like you just say i'm in my feelings you say no i'm really in my feelings this she was really in her feelings about it or I feel some type of way

That's what people say now instead of saying well those those real housewives were talking like that and they're like they got like 20 year old kids Well, because they're trying to be You know what I'm being right now. I'm being the old guy in 60 minutes. I just Get my head around it. Why anybody? So you say, I feel some type of way instead of saying I'm a... So no matter how great their lives are, they're always going to yell at each other and pull

each other's hair. I'm doing that. Yes, Bill. That's what the fucking show is. And you enjoy this? Yes, Bill. That's why I watch it. All right.

Hey, hey, Nia, you know what? Fair enough. Fair enough. You feel some type of way about all this, don't you? Oh my God. That guy in 60 minutes, it was like, I swear to God. I wanted to eat the glass I was drinking out of. Imagine explaining to your dad that whole concept. Listen. That's what that man was doing. Yeah, and my dad would get it.

Your dad would be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, he wouldn't listen. Yeah, what'd you say? Okay. Christ, Bill, I'm tired. Okay, I don't need to hear this shit. Christ, Bill, I'm tired. Okay, I don't need to hear this shit. Oh, I shouldn't tell this story, but I'm going to. What story? I can't tell it.

I can't tell it because there authority figure called the house and said, shit, he said, listen, I can't prove it, but I know your son did some, you know, X, Y, and Z. Oh, right. And then my dad goes, what do you mean? He goes, what do you mean? You can't prove it, but you know he did it. And he goes, oh, Christ, I don't have time for this shit. And he hung up on me.

He was the exact opposite of I'm going to get involved with this shit. I really love that response. No. My family, we're all loners. Big family, but we all just do our own shit. And the last thing, like the same way I don't want to like, the way I've been paying for three cell phone numbers for the last, I didn't even realize it. To do the backstory, one time I was on the fucking road and Nia calls up, she goes, why

do you have like three different cell phone numbers? What the fuck? You live in a double life? And I go, I don't, I got one. She goes why do you have like three different cell phone numbers what the fuck are you living a double life yeah and i go i don't i got one she goes no you got three i go no i don't i got one she goes i'm looking at the bill right now and what it was was it was back in the 2000s i was like i was so confused slash angry slash annoyed slash. Okay, maybe it's just not what I think it is or whatever. But I'm paying all the bills since you're on the road. So I'm going through everything and I'm like, this motherfucker has three numbers.

Why? Why on earth would he have three phone three numbers? I've only seen one phone. Does he have a secret phone, like a secret cell phone? I got a little flip because I know men do that. Sometimes they have a secret phone, like a secret cell phone? I got a little flip phone. Because I know men do that sometimes. They have a secret little bat phone. All right, this is what it was. This is what it was.

Back in like 15 fucking years ago. Wasn't that maybe 12 years ago? It was when I was with you. I would go on the road, and this is before like smartphones and all of that, and you had to get the internet, and I'd go to these hotels and they would charge me like $12.99 a day, $15.99 a day, and I wasn't making shit on the road. It would add up. And that was still back when you'd

get sides for your auditions emailed to you, then you had to go down to the fucking, the thing in the lobby. Business center. And print it out. So they came up with these little things. They look like hockey pucks, these little round things that you'd get your own internet. I think Bobby Kelly, dude, you gotta get this dude, right? Oh yeah, my dad had one of those. Yeah, and it came with like a phone number or something.

Okay. So I got one of those. They explained how to do it. I did it one time, it worked. It didn't work again. And then I forgot about it to the point I forgot I even had it. And then I got another one. And then that one, I just, you know, after a while, I just got a smartphone and I never look at my bill.

I just look, what does it cost? Yeah. So then, you know, years later. So you've been paying for this number. I've been paying extra 50 dollars a month and they're still on my bill. What are you going to take it off then? I mean, I don't want to, I would rather pay 50 bucks a fucking month than have to sit there and I'm not going to get set.

I can't fucking deal with calling up and going, I need to cancel this, I'm no longer using it. That's not how it works though. You go in and it goes like, it's the robot and then it's going like, if you wanna do this, press one, if you wanna do that, press two. And you always are existing at like one and a half.

It's like a little bit 3 but a little bit 4. You're just like operator. Operator, operator. Operator. You press 0, I'm sorry that doesn't fucking work and then the worst thing ever is you get on and you say, yeah who am I speaking with today? William Burr. Can I get your zip code? Can I get your fucking first Goldfish's name? Can I get this? Can I get that? Can I get that? And then you tell them what the problem is and they go, okay, I'm going to have to transfer you to somebody else.

I'm like hello, and then they go, okay, who am I speaking to? What is your zip code? What is the name of your goal? It's like, I just fucking told you. See, here I go. I fucking told you all that shit. And then, yeah, I don't want to deal with that shit.

See, you'd rather continue to pay this bill for the rest of your life. No, I want to take them off. No, I want to take them off. Of course I want to take them off. I just, you know, that's not my top priority, Nia, is not fucking... You saw when I tried to get the NFL network. I was on the phone for fucking 90 motherfucking minutes with people in Southeast Asia who didn't even know what hockey...

Yeah, you did really good. I was very proud of you that day. You were so calm. You were so polite. You didn't even know what hot, no, it was hockey. Yeah, you did really good. I was very proud of you that day. You were so calm. You were so polite. You didn't like freak out. You missed part of it when you left. I was just like, listen, yeah, you know, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but like,

this is your second language and you don't even know what the sport is I'm talking. This would be like, if you called me up and I, you know, Rosetta stoned how you speak and you want to watch cricket. Rosetta stoned. Yeah, and they would just, she just goes, I'm sorry, I'm in Asia. Rosetta Stone how you speak and you want to watch cricket. Rosetta Stone. Yeah. And they would just... She just goes, I'm sorry, I'm in Asia.

Is that going to be a problem? And then I felt bad. I'm like, no, it's not a problem. You know what I'm saying. She goes, no, I get it. She was actually great. The first person was a fucking idiot. Wasn't a fucking idiot.

He just was not a smart person. He lacked the tools for that situation. So no, I have to do it. There's so many fucking... If you knew the amount of fucking money that I throw away because I don't want to deal with the infrastructure, the amount of times I've bought a plane ticket, okay, I buy a fucking plane ticket and then the thing gets canceled and I don't go, I don't call up, I just eat the price of the ticket.

I do it all the fucking time. All the fucking time. Because I am not going to www.delta.org. I'm not fucking doing it. I'm not doing it. You have to let your travel person do it. Like when I wasn't able to go to Nashville, I emailed her and I said, I'm not able to go.

And then I'll get a note. Oh good, I thought I ate that ticket. No, and she's like, I'm not able to go. And then I'll get a note. Oh good, I thought I ate that ticket. No, and she's like, I'm going to cancel it. And I said, I'm going to get a note from my doctor. And so maybe we'll be able to get reimbursed. And she's like, yeah, I just canceled it. Like, let me know and we'll do what we can. I literally, like, I think I'm paying for,

I paid for a hotel room Sunday night because we were going to be there through Sunday night. Yeah. And rather than just stopping at the fucking front desk and just dealing with that, I just leave. You never check out. I don't check out. You never do like the hi, I'm leaving. How was your stay enjoyable? You just fuck. I leave. Walk.

Just like, wait, don't we have to check out? You're like, yeah, don't send me to bill. Don't figure it out. You never take the time to check out. There's only the first only person I know that doesn't go down there and is like, okay, goodbye, I'm leaving. Here's the key. See you later.

You just fucking know I just leave. I've done that with like rental cars. One time I got so shit faced so late into into the night, and I didn't realize I had a 6am flight, I got up and I was still drunk and I was like, I can't fucking, I tried to drive and I was like, I can't drive and my GPS wasn't working because I was in like fucking, you know, elk deer fucking Montana or some shit. I was up in Canada. Elk deer.

You know, yellow knife. You know, they have all that shit. They're like, they're like us. Montana or some shit up in Canada. Oh dear. Yeah. Yellow knife. You know, they have all that shit. They're like, they're like us, you know, they wiped out the Indians and then they just named shit after them to make themselves feel better. Right? No, we didn't do that. Like us, Canadians, well, like white people, right?

Yeah. You're not included. No, I'm just watching Trump rally. You're not, you're not a part of that. So anyways, like, yeah, I remember one time I was, and I just, I gave the keys to the Watch a Trump rally. You're not a part of that. Anyways, I remember one time, and I gave the keys to the guy at the hotel. I go, hey, can you take that back for me? I'm too drunk.

Yeah, don't fucking worry about it. I was so fucking shit faced that when two weeks later they called me up going, yeah, where's the car? I was sitting there, and I always give a fake number. So I'm like, what do you mean? I brought it back. How the fuck did you get this number? Leave me alone.

They're like, sir, it hasn't come back yet. I go, I fucking, I dropped it off. I just kept hanging up on him. And I don't know, there was something, like the third time they called, I finally was just like, started thinking. I was just like, wait a minute. Did I bring that back?

And I called up Verzi. And I was like, Verzi, did we bring that car back? And he was just like, oh, dude, I don't know. I don't remember. We were all pretty fucking, we were out there. And Bartner couldn't remember. And then I was just like, wait a minute, dude. There was a gig I did, and I gave the keys to someone at the hotel

Was that that gig and then we figured out that it was that gig and then they drove down and it was sitting there That cost me like 1200 bucks Do you realize the house we could be living in No, I do it. It's so ridiculous. I do it all the fucking time because I don't give a shit. To money to me is just writing a number on a piece of paper. If you just get past the fact that it actually has value.

Do you know what a privileged position you're in to be even to be saying that? I've always been that way. $50 a month is a lot to a lot of people to just be throwing away. You know what I mean? Like that's the thing about it. Listen, don't guilt me because Nia, I fucking... Time out. You have to have some consciousness about it, Bill. Time out. Oh, fuck that, Nia. Fuck that. I didn't know anybody in this business. I didn't take the safe fucking route. Okay. And go for the fucking, I'm going to go do something else. I thought the rights of blow $50 a month on numbers. No, it's my fucking money. I don't want to fucking deal with that shit.

I tried to be in the office area. I wore a fucking tie. I tried to do it. I sat in on meetings and I literally just all I would think about is like whoever was talking, I wanted to run right at them, dive over their shoulder right through the fucking window and nose dive Into the fucking parking lot. I can't live in that fucking world So I picked this shit where 99.9 percent of people fail Alright, so I took all of my chips

I put it on the fucking zillion to one shot and it fucking came in and one of the perks of my fucking business Is I don't check out. I walk out. I walk out. I don't want to talk to you. I fucking hate when I get into the fucking just leave me alone. That's the thing. Just leave me the fuck.

To anybody who's like, Hi, can I help you? Let me get this right. You just you don't ever want to deal with any type of customer service on any level. Leave me alone. Even if they're helping you, you don't even want to deal with them. No, just leave me. I hate when I check into a hotel and then there's a phone call and you pick up, oh hey, hi, Mr. Bird, just checking to make sure everything was all right with your room. I know you hate that so much. You hate room, you hate housekeeping services. Turn down service. You hate all of that.

Oh my God. When I, my last one, like the lady was coming in, I'm like, she's not going to do it. She's like, I'm sorry. I'm all right. I'm all right. She just kept coming. I'm like, I'm all right. Like, get out of here. I feel like I paid for that fucking room. I got the sign hanging out on the other. What the, do I have to have a guard out there? He wants to be left alone. What the fuck?

What the fuck does that mean? Is everything all right with the room? First of all, I'm an adult. If there was, yeah, I'm glad you called. There's water pouring in. I didn't know what to do. The fucking room's fine. The bed is on the ground.

There's a mattress and I lie on it. I know how to use everything in here. That's it. That's it. Whenever we go to hotels, if we're on vacation or anything, and I'm like, Bill, can you, especially if we're in a foreign country, I'm like, Bill, can you call down and ask them if they can make reservations or whatever, if it's a different language? Bill always goes, no, no, no, you're better at that stuff than I am.

I'm like, all you have to do is ask them to do something. And he's like, no, no, no, I can't. I can't. You have to do it. I'm not good at it. I'm not good at it. It's funny. I actually, I got to Nashville so early, right?

And I went into like the sky lounge thing. I'm not going to say the airline I always fly, right? But I've, you know, I finally, somebody convinced me to fucking, you know, go into the sky lounge area, right? So I go, all right, I'll fucking do that. But then the stupid, but that thing's fucking stupid because then you have to get to the airport early to make it worth it It's like I don't want to be here

I want to get here as late as possible immediately get on the plane and get the fuck out of here, right? So anyways, I got really they're really early to Nashville didn't know that my fucking plane was gonna catch on fire So I go in there and they go I go yeah, I got you know, I don't have my card on me And then they go, you know, what's your name? What was the name of your goldfish and all of that fucking shit. And I go through all of that and then she looks up, she goes, oh, here you are. And I never use miles either. That's another thing.

I always get miles, but I've never used them. Yeah. Because I don't want to go on the fucking website and deal with all that. I just, how much does it cost? I'll write it on this piece of paper and fuck off, right? So she looks in and their eyes just go like, like biggest saucer. She goes, you have 824,000 frequent flying miles. I was like, I had to ask. I thought you have, you want them? Cause I ain't going on the fucking website. I thought you have used... Yeah, you want them? Yeah. Because I ain't going on the fucking website. I thought you used miles in the past when I first started flying with you to gigs.

Didn't you use them then? When I was making no money, when I made no fucking money, and then we were going to go on vacation and I wanted to fly first class, I would use up, they would use up all of my miles. Right. But then once I started making money It's like I don't have to fucking deal with that anymore I hated doing that because I call my travel agents like oh, I'm sorry. I can't do that

You have to log on just go to fucking content. I used to fly continental out of Newark all the time You'd have to go to I mean I I'm not good at it. I fucking hate it. I would rather I would rather just just at it. I fucking hate it. I would rather just give you the money. You have to ask our travel person to do it. Do you know that when I went to Chicago... Hey, if I get over a million, do the pilots come back and say hello like they did with George Clooney in that movie? Maybe. I'm getting up there.

You are getting up there. But I got bumped or something like that. And so they give you the voucher, it's a $300 voucher, and whatever it is. Do you know, I took that, I scanned it, and I emailed it to her. so if you can use it towards Bill's next flight. And she was like, oh great, actually I can. I'm so on top of that shit. You would have been like, this fucking voucher.

I've never, I lose it. This is something that like most people would be like, oh good I can use this towards the next thing and you're just like why now I asked with it I'm not wiping my ass with it. Yeah. Look how I dress like I look like a quarter I'm dressed like Malcolm Young on the Power Age tour some old white dudes get that reference I just I Live within my fucking means and it affords me an ability to not have to sit there. You got a voucher! Stand there. Alright, sorry, the battery's just died there. I had to cut this out. Nia, first of all, you're making it seem like I'm this spoiled rich kid who goes around

burning, like lighting $100 bills on fire. Nia, I've always fucking been that way. I've never, like I when I wasn't making any fucking money. And I was staying at the Ocho de la Super way back in the day, right. And they'd always have like the continental breakfast. You got to get down here by 10 a.m. And I did it like one time and I'm standing in line with all these people with these fucking old loafers, hoping they're not going to run out of batter the fucking waffles. And I'm just sitting there going like, I can go to Denny's like a gentleman and just sit down and order a fucking waffle. I don't need a free fucking waffle. You know what I mean?

That's like miserly shit to me. And get a voucher. All of that shit. I'm not, I'm like, I remember one time I was so fucking mad. They fucked me over so bad on this plane that I actually did that old lady shit. And I walked in and I was like, I've been waiting and I paid for this and blah, blah, blah.

My bag took all this fucking time. And then they were just like, all right, all right, you know, you got to go on the website. And I was like, I know what you, because you don't think I'm going to do it. You don't think I'm going to do it. I went home and I fucking did it. I took all of that time. And then there was, you know, they just kept calling, you know, emailing went home and I fucking did it. I took all of that time and then there was, they just kept emailing me back

and I kept having to confirm shit and then I finally just said, ah fuck it. I don't have that fight in me. You know what I mean? I don't wait for sales or any of that shit. If I need it, I go in and I fucking buy it and whatever it costs me, if that means I can't do something else in my life, I just won't do that.

But for me, you cannot put a price on getting that over with as quick as fucking possible. Yeah. No, I'm giving you a hard time, but you do have a very healthy attitude about money. You're really good with money. You've taught me a lot about being responsible with money. Like I just have that I am a coupon person. I am a sale person. I'm always like but it was on sale It's discounted like that's still yeah. I love that shit. I love that shit. Yeah, it was on sale Yeah, it was still 700 bucks. So you go the other way Yeah, but it was on sale

All of your fucking shoes and shit all this shit that everything that I buy for the most part is on sale I use so many discounted web. Yeah, but it's still expensive as shit. Yeah, but it's not as expensive. Jesus Christ. I walk around and like American Airlines is going to give me a free peanut butter and jelly sandwich because it was fucking 20 minutes late. And I'm like, hey, dude, you know what? Keep your fucking sandwich. I'll buy my own sandwich. And you make me act like I'm a fucking, you know, Trump or some shit. And you're making me act like I'm a fucking, you know, a Trump or some shit. And you're over there buying like a thousand dollar pair. She's like, oh, it's on fucking sale.

Drive me nuts with that shit. All right, I got to read some of the, I haven't done any of the advertising. Let me see something. What have you been doing down here this whole time, huh? Listening to the rats in the fucking wall. For me, I just feel like, for me. Ugh. All right, where's the advertising here?

Here we go, here we go, here we go. I will tell you, like, I don't know, like, you know something, there's people that I grew up with that were really miserly like that, you know, and they didn't, they didn't leave good tips and they just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just, it's just fucking paper. Just give it to them. Make them happy and let's get the fuck out of here. But when you don't, let's just get the fuck out of here. You don't have a lot of it. You have to be miserly. You have to find a way to like survive and get what you want and still have

some to live. I moved to New York City. I ate spaghetti every night. I had a chair that became a fucking table. I ate, I did that all the fucking time. I can live on fucking nothing. I did it, but you know something? I still had money in the bank because I saved up for my day jobs because I knew New York was going to be expensive and I wasn't going to be that fucking guy going, oh God, you know, I'm down to my last 20 bucks. How are you down to your last 20 bucks? How did you get yourself into that fucking situation?

I'm talking about white male heterosexual. How the fuck did you get yourself in that situation? You fucked up. You fucked up your money. You're an adult, right? So You know how much money you're making you know what your fucking bills are But you know you start making money and for the first half of the month you you're walking around acting like you make three times As much and then the end of the fucking month you're gonna come

To me and act like a fucking pound puppy like you're you know Like the world did you wrong? It's like, no, you fucked yourself over. I believe you guys say you played yourself. You played yourself. Congratulations. You played yourself. Yeah, that's why I hate going to the bank at the beginning of the month. I hate it. It's a bunch of people whose money is fucked up. Okay? And it's depressing to see because they should have been educated on how fucking money works. What do you mean?

The first of the month when people get paid? Or paydays, Saturdays, the day when the general fucking public goes in there. Every fucking fifth person is in there yelling through that bulletproof glass and can't understand. It's basic fucking math. You put 200 in there, you withdrew 200, you don't have any money left. I don't know. It's very rare that I fucking stick up for the banks, but when there's fucking people in there, I mean, there's all this information online. You know what I mean? There's all this, I don't know.

I don't know. I always had a job. I had a paper route since I was in third grade, and then I had money for my football cards and my candy bars. I had my overhead was fine. And I remember my friends were always like, oh, I'm broke. Oh, I'm fucking broke. I'd be like, get a fucking paper route.

Oh, I don't want to get up. Well, then go fuck yourself. It's supposed to feel bad for you because you can't get doubles at lunch. You gotta go to your mother. How old are you? Oh, I mean, are we eight years old? Oh, I'm on my fucking soapbox Everybody should live the way I do a little enterprising BB. I Wasn't enterprising. I just fucking made money and then I always had it and I didn't blow it all. The idea of you was a paper route.

So you had money for football cards and candy. It's the cutest thing I've ever heard. It was the greatest thing. I love football cards and I used to go down, I used to ride my bike up to the corner store and I would be, I would sit there, a little freckle face, me going, do do do, Tops football cards come out yet? Oh my God. And they'd be like, no, I'm sorry. I would sit there, a little freckled face, me going, do do do, Topps football cards come out yet? Oh my god. And they'd be like, no, I'm sorry.

And I would check every single day. Oh my god, you're so cute. When they came out, me and all my friends would buy them, and then we'd sit there trading them and sticking the big fucking piece of shit gum that they had that always fucked up the football card, usually the best one in the pack. And you'd sit there and cut the roof of your mouth You're trying to chew it down and we would just sit there and yes root beer candy. Just all fucking sugar Yeah, just going through I got Bob Greasy. I got OJ Simpson

I got Walter Payton all these guys way back then Randy White Jack Lambert I still remember all their names. It's fucking great Robert Newhouse rest is so cute, yes, I like Jack Lambert. I still remember all their names. It was fucking great. Robert Newhouse, rest his soul. Yeah. I used to make like $6 a fucking week. I was loaded. Oh, that's a lot. I was fucking loaded. How old were you when you started that paper route? Third grade, see like third grade and I kept it all the way to like freshmen in high school to the point of like, you know when the child star is just

Not cute anymore No one's a six-foot paperboy I wasn't I'm not six feet tall, but that's just a funny number Yeah, so then then I then I immediately went from that to then I just had like a there was this weird time I just didn't I didn't have a job because I was too old to be a paperboy I felt and then I was but I was too young to have a job. Yeah, did you have a job in high school? Well, then this so when I quit my paper route, I didn't have any fucking money coming in and I was not used to that I had I hadn't dealt with that since I was way back in the second grade

This was a crisis. This was my first 2008 that I went through. So I actually went down, I think it was to the principal's office, and I got a worker's permit that allowed me to work underage. Is that what I did? Yeah, to get this job that I wanted. And during the summertime, I used to caddy. I used to caddy, and I used to try to get doubles you know which is two bags and you know you just be running from one guy to

another guy and hopefully you know it was always really bad when one guy really fucking sucked but if they both sucked it was brutal. If one guy sliced the other guy hooked and they both were fucking righties that was gonna be a long afternoon for you and yeah I used I used to do that. You know, there was a couple. I love hearing about like your childhood stuff that you did. I just like, it's just so funny to me because now I'm picture. At first I pictured you little cutie freckle face with your cards and your bubble gum and your, my orange hair. I look like a little fucking there's such thing as an adorable scarecrow. That's what the fuck I look like

And now you're like a high school kid Running around the golf course with two golf bags on you. So yeah, you literally have worked your entire life Yeah, then I got this job at this place called more shoe and we were doing the shoe Yeah, and it was like we I just meant this was the worst fucking job I ever had as far as just like mind numbingly fucking it felt like 20 hours It was like a two hours at the end of every school day I take the bus over and then I would fucking walk home Like two miles or some shit like that back when you just do that as a kid just walk along a fucking highway and nobody gave

a fuck right and They had like these little cards these computer cards with numbers on them, and you had these order forms, and you had these little manila envelopes. I still don't know what the fuck it was. It was something for them to then feed into this computer. This was like 1984 or some shit. I hated that job. Then I got into warehousing.

And when I got into warehousing, then I got my first loan. My dad co-signed the loan. And I- For the car? For the car, yeah. But I put all the down payment. He didn't pay a dime of it. I bought the whole fuck.

I got a three-year loan from Danvers Savings Bank, one Conan Street. I still remember writing the thing. It was $138.63 a month. Still remember that shit Paid that whole fucking thing off Uh ended up getting another paper route with the truck Where I would I would drive in the morning. You just went back to the paper route was like your phone But I did the warehousing during the day. No, then I had two jobs And and I was also uh, then I got rid of that thing

Just because my friends teased me. Oh, what are you a fucking paperboy? And it felt stupid. It was great. Didn't you like, yes. No, but it was like an extra hundred bucks a week. It was huge, right? So I ended up quitting that. And the fuck did I go from there? I tried selling newspaper subscriptions. Didn't you have a telemarketing type of job? Yeah, I had that. But when I went to college, I went to college part time and I paid for my education. And all the way to like my last year, my parents helped me out with that.

And I also got a loan from another family friend, but I paid all of them back. I paid all of them back before I moved down to New York. Then when I started doing standup, I also had a day job. I was still living at home and I was still driving that piece of shit truck that I bought in 85. The red truck, right? Right. I drove that thing for 10 fucking years. I remember when the engine died and I was at work and somebody was going, like, so now

what are you going to do? What are you going to buy? I was thinking of buying a Toyota Corolla, just a comic car that could go like 200,000 miles. And I finally was just like, fuck this, man. I know I want to move to New York. I could spend like a new car, like a Corolla back then, this was early 90s, it was like 11, 12 grand, which was a ton of fucking money, especially for me at that time. or I could just spend fifteen hundred bucks

and have them rip the engine out and put a new one in so that's what I did and I just remember this woman at work I've told this story before she just said she goes where's the new car they've got a new car I said you know I just I just had a new engine put in my truck instead she just made this face she was just like that was stupid and fucking walked away and she was really beautiful too and I was just like you know what it probably was stupid Because I guess if I got the new car, I could have banged you. I don't know so So I had that truck and that that was the one like the last my first three years of comedy

I drove around doing that thing. That's when I met Patrice he wrote everybody that knew from back then wrote around that thing and then Long story short, there was an electrical fire and it burned down right before I moved to New York, which was fine, because having a car in New York is a pain in the ass. So when I moved down to New York, I had no debt. I paid off my student loans, I had no credit card debt, I had got myself out from, I had like 700,

revolving 700 bucks with the credit card debt, I just got myself out of it and I didn't buy anything. I was like, Jimmy the Jet, take it back. Don't buy anything. Don't fucking, if I could say any advice to any young person out there, okay, when you're young is when they give you those credit cards, man, do not fucking rack those.

And if you have, you gotta knock those, knock those fucking things down. Yeah. Okay. You know, figure out what the fuck you want to do before you're involved in some sort of serious relationship, which is going to be like, but I want to live here. Fuck all of that. Get on the path you want to get on. Eat your fucking spaghetti in the morning. You know, whatever you got to, whatever you got to fucking do, if you got to deliver papers in the fucking morning and all this other shit to do it.

And who knows? Maybe then you too can have fucking nine cell phone numbers and not want to get on the phone. Can you help me with that? Can you seriously help me with that? Can you just like do that for me? Yes. I mean I can get through half of it for you. But then eventually you're going to have to get on the phone. I mean, I can get through half of it for you, but then eventually you're going to have to get on my own. I will help you do that, because it's ridiculous that you're continuing to pay for that. But I also thought too, because I signed a contract on them,

so I'm worried that that stuff. Tell them that I died. No, I'm not going to do that. And that you're taking over the thing because then they'll feel bad. We'll figure it out without telling anybody that you died. Okay. Well, I'm done for the fucking year as far as gigs. You want to do that? Let's get rid of those other two.

Yeah. I want to see what my bill's going to do. Let's get rid of any like extra shit you're paying for because you don't want a deal. Yeah, let's let's take care of that please. No, I have a lot of shit like that. There's other things that I, I mean, when I bought when I bought this laptop, I was just like, do you want to take any classes or anything like that and blah, blah, blah. And I signed up for all of them. signed up for all of them. So what do you mean? Like the Apple store classes to like teach you how to fucking get better at this shit. God like you were ever actually going to do that. Nope.

Never even went once. Oh, did you tell? Did you tell the listeners how you ordered like 20 of those adapters for your new iPhone seven? No, what I did was I was so mad that I ordered five of them. And then they were just like, yeah, it's going to be 10 business days. I was like, fuck, I can't listen to my music for 10 days. How am I going to get through my workout?

And then the next day I went, I drove down to the Apple store and then they had a bunch of them. So I said, fuck it. And I bought five there. And now when I came back, I got another five. So now I got 10 of them. This is what you married me. Complete waste of money. Again, not a complete waste of money.

All right. Well, good. Well, it's a good thing I got advertising here so I can fucking blow it on all my cell phone numbers. And adapters. All right. All right. You want to read some fucking questions here for the week? Remember when people would order?

Remember your CD when people would order your CD, when people would order emotionally unavailable, and I would help you mail them out. Yeah, we'd go right down to mailbox etc. Yeah, we'd sit there and like fill out all the little padded envelopes and put them in there and like you'd be doing like 20, 40 or something at a time. We go down to mailboxes, et cetera. Like you did it all yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

That was fun. It was fun. That's what you got to do. All right. Here we go. Website suggestions. Sorry about that, Nia. I just realized this thing's really long.

This podcast has been really long. You're sitting there reminiscing. I was like, yep, I enjoyed that. That was a wonderful moment that I had with you. Moving on. It was in those moments that I knew I wanted to marry you. All right. Is that true? Huh? Is that true? No, you know what? Some shit I don't tell the listeners. I know when I was going to decide to marry you. All right. And they're not going to hear when. That one's for us. All right. Website suggestions. Oh, I said, you know, I was going to the same fucking five websites and now that I've been kicked off Facebook, unless I give them my fucking passport number,

that's the thing. This is the thing I'm telling you, you always walk. You fucking walk. Did you talk about the whole fingerprint thing? Oh, when I bought the car? Yeah. When I bought my Jaguar, they asked me for that for a thumbprint like a fingerprint. Why the fuck I almost left dealership ever. I he was so I really wish you guys could have seen this guy's face when Bill told him no he was he didn't know what to do. Like he was really his brain kind of broke for a minute because he was just like, oh, and you're like, yeah, I'm not giving it to you. Yeah, but they are not going to sell me the car because I'm yeah, no, of course. They're going to take it. But he was just so used to people being like, and you're like, yeah, I'm not giving it to him. Yeah. What are they not going to sell me the car? Because I'm going to. Yeah, no, of course they're going to take it.

But he was just so used to people being like, oh, OK, well, that's weird. OK, whatever. And just getting it over with. And you just kept being like, no, no, I'm not doing it. No, I said, I'm not. I'm not giving my fingerprints to a car dealership. Yeah. He's like, no, no, no, it's for your security and this and that.

And you're just like, I'm not doing it. And you were right. There's like there's no reason. No matter what they say about security, someone coming in pretending to be. No, that's when I have not doing it. And you were right. There's like there's no reason no matter what they say about security. Someone coming in pretending to be. No, that's when I have fun with them. I go look if you can give me if you can justify why I'm going to give you my

thumbprint, I'll do it. And then they sit there and they say dumb shit like, well, OK, someone tries to impersonate you and buys the car. No, that's not going to fucking happen. You dealt with like five different people at that dealership. They know who you are. They're not going to like. No, it's it going to fucking happen. You dealt with like five different people at that dealership. They know who you are.

They're not going to like, no, it's insane. No, even if I didn't do what I did for a fucking living, I still wouldn't worry about that. You don't give your fucking fingerprints to a car dealership. People lie for a living. What are they going to do with that thing? And then we met a woman who was like, oh yeah, they asked me that too. And she just did it because she was just like, okay, that's what they asked for. And now it's out there.

And he was like, I've never had anybody say no to this. And what did you say? Oh, I said, you never met anybody like me before. I was just talking shit to make you laugh though. I saw you smile. It's very hard to get you to laugh though. I was just talking shit. I love that I was actually very much and usually when you get into like difficult BB mode and

You are just like giving the other person like the hardest time. I prefer to say I'm informed but go ahead Yeah well when you're like Unnecessarily giving somebody a hard time who's just trying to do their job and they're already tired take my fingerprints time who's just trying to do their job and they're already tired. Take my fingerprints? No, like when you call up the time life people to order the easy listening set and you're so short and rude to them when they're just trying to like do their job. I find it very cringe worthy.

That fucking asshole. I forget what he asked me for. They're always trying to upsell. Yeah. No, no, no. He was trying to get all this information out of me. Like all this extra information. Like, you know, like just send me the goddamn. Yeah, just send me the CDs.

And the guy goes, well, I can't send you the CDs unless you fucking. There was like some ridiculous thing like my social security. They're all doing this because they stay sharing the information. Yeah, they do sell the information. Yes. Yeah. And they don't give a fuck what they expose me to as far as identity theft. So I go, I'm not fucking doing it.

And the guy goes, this conversation's over. I go, yeah, well then it's over. Go fuck yourself. I hung up. I was totally within... You always paint me out as a bad guy, Nia. My world, I'm always a victim. Always a victim.

That's certainly true. All right. Website suggestions. Because I was always saying I always go to the exact same website alright reddit Oh god, no, they've they've also mentioned that you have a reddit sub page and would love for you to do a AMA someday ask me anything now. They've asked you to do that. Yeah, I'm not fucking doing that. You can't ask me anything Yeah, I'm not fucking sitting there. Hey boys been a douchebag I'm gonna fucking sit through that for two hours waiting for like one legitimate

question. Yeah, no. Hey, Billy Red Balls. Yeah, Bill's never going to do and ask me anything. I'm not saying never say never. If I got like maybe an F is for family, ask me anything. I'll do that. I just don't understand.

Like I, I, I, they can just go very very you just have to know I mean or maybe you'll just have to ignore a lot of like bullshit but once again near I'm walking by the front desk you're not checking not checking out I'm just fucking and if that hurts my career it hurts my career I'm not fucking ask genuine questions yes they are yes there are are those are few and far between The world near the world has a sweaty hand and a really hot armpit Every various and they're gonna put their hand around you when they go to take the picture And you're gonna feel their hand drying off into your shirt and your other shoulder heating up.

That's what you're going to run into. And then all the cool people that you really want to talk to are going to be like, I don't want to bother. I don't want to bother this person. And they leave. Those are the people that you want to talk to. Yeah. But if Netflix asks you to do it, would you do it? Do what? An AMA.

Yeah. I mean, I'm in business with them. If they think it's going to sell the show, you can't be a... That's a jerk-off move. To get in business with somebody and then not fucking promote it. I mean, look, if they want me to sit on like a Duncan stool... Oh, if I had... If you know what, if I could do like that guy, Drown the Clown, that guy I saw years ago on the Opie and Anthony show, we went to one of those metal fucking festivals and

they had this guy who was called Drown the Clown and this dude just sat there giving people shit. Right. And he'd make them so mad. It was like bull Durham and they couldn't fucking hit it. And he just had like that Crussy the Clown doing that laugh. And I remember he would do the laugh. He would give them shit and make fun of how stupid they were.

And then they would miss and he'd be like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and they'd be like fucking grabbing three and he just kept going, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and then he, ooh, ooh, ooh. Oh my God. It was so fucking obnoxious. Yes. And, uh, he just really walking by,

I was like, hey, look at the fat guy, look at the fat guy, huh? Hey, fatty, you ever gonna work out? You in the purple shirt, yeah, you fat, ah, ah, ah, ah, doing that and he would just piss him off. I forget who I was with, no, hey fatty, you ever going to work out? You in the purple shirt, yeah, you're fat. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Is this the greatest street performer I've ever seen in my life? He was fucking amazing. Fucking amazing. I was actually, I was kind of jealous of the job. Like I was like, that's a fucking great job. Oh my God. Rest is soul.

Can you imagine Patrice in that job? Oh my God. People wouldn't want to drown him just so they could hear what the fuck he was going to say. I was going to say, he beats you good at it. He beats you good at it. All right, here we go. Barstool Sports. I was going to say he'd be too good at it. He'd be too good at it. All right.

Here we go. Barstool Sports. Well, Barstool Sports, I go to that one. Here's one. www.slashfilm.com. An easy to read, non-snarky movie website. Okay. Tumblr.

Hey, Bill, search for it. I thought that was a dating site. That's Tinder. Oh, I was going to say I don't need a dating site. That's Tinder. Oh, I was going to say I don't need that with all my cell phone numbers. If you're into antique cars, you can follow accounts that post pictures of classics. I use this to follow music, photography, and

arts. It's endless and having the app on your phone is a more stimulating way of killing time instead of Twitter. Tumblr is a good one. I like Tumblr. Okay, cool. Yeah, and by the way, I'm not the only one who's sick of the same 10 websites to go into. So if anybody in the future, if you guys know some cool websites or whatever, let me know.

It'll be a bunch of self-promotion here. What was the Kardashian thing? What? For know, for me, for me.com. I just feel like. All right. Last, I was saying I was getting into punk rock. How I kind of missed that. And I've always wanted to get into it, but I just don't know where to go and who's good or whatever. And I was watching this rancid video that led me to watch one of the guitarists gave an interview and He talked about this one band which I already forget the name was something something 69 and they were the front man blew me away and

I just don't know shit about punk rock. It always sounded to me like I was joking sounds like angry karaoke you know what I mean with a weren't quite in tune singing and shit, and I just read up on all of this stuff and It just interests me. And so people would tell me bands. Okay. All right. Punk rock punk rock bands. Obviously the clash I've heard of them. Operation Ivy, Dinosaur Jr, Dead Kennedy, Kings of Nothing, Leftover Crack, The Meteors. All right. Well, you know something, the Dead Kennedys I listened to, I'll have to check out Black Flag and all these bands.

Some of my brothers used to listen to this shit and I just couldn't get into it. And now I'm really finding that I'm liking it. So I'm definitely going to check them out. I'll definitely check out Kings of Nothing, Leftover Crack, and the Meteors, because I never heard of any of them. I've heard of Dinosaur Jr. I heard of them too. I thought that dinosaur jr. I heard of them, too I thought that they were more like a like a college band. You do all right, Nashville

Maybe somebody's fucking with me. Maybe that's this that'd be funny too, by the way Don Donnie and Marie Alright, Nashville. Hey there Billy benchmark. I was at your 930 Nashville taping and it was amazing I remember every minute of it like it was a Super Bowl can't wait till it comes out. When does it come out? Are you watching South Park this season? Go fuck yourself buddy. Thank you. Yeah the 930 show was fucking crazy and I just hope it all comes together well. I've already looked at some of the pictures and shit and I just I fucking I hate going through the editing process. You gotta do it. I gotta do it. All right, applause or laughs? Are you watching South Park, they ask. My brother said it's been excellent this season.

I know, why you always tape The Simpsons. I love The Simpsons. Can we tape South Park too? It's like the best social commentary from his 20 years in a row. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I should be watching it too.

I completely, I forget about it. Okay. Alright. Applause or laughs? Hey, Bill, I was watching one of your older specials because I fucked up and forgot to get tickets to the one you filmed on Friday. By the way, congratulations. I can't wait to see it. Thank you. Why is my stomach grumbling?

I bought all this fucking, I ate all this. I know, because we ate KFC. Yeah, we had shit food. We should not have. Nope. Well, I ate so well up to the special, I kind of went off the rails this weekend, but starting tomorrow, I'm getting back into it. All right, on this particular special, why do I do this? I notice a lot of people in the crowd cheering versus laughing.

So here's a simple question. While on stage, what gives you a greater sense of accomplishment, laughs or applause? That's a really good question. Thanks and fuck those people who tell you to fuck yourself. Well laughs, laughs, it's a really interesting question. Well the applause is an applause break. It's usually a laugh goes into an applause. Mm-hmm. It's never like you just say something, if you just say something and nobody laughs and they just applaud, then you kind of made a statement and that's like the douche chill moment. Like, I mean what they really need to be doing is spending more money on education.

Right. That's applause. Yeah. If you're doing that during a comedy show, I'll tell you that's a rough one, you know? So you'd rather laughter. Yeah, I much... Anybody remember laughter? Yeah, I like when they're laughing. I will say that applause is great too, but sometimes during like a taping, then that's when it just... As a rookie, you'll feel weird, Like, oh my God, they're clapping,

and they're all overly amped up because they know they want you to have a good special, so they're clapping, and then you don't know what to do, but they'll always edit around it because they can make it shorter. So for the comics out there, don't worry about those moments. They can also, if you have a dumb look on your face, like, please stop clapping so I can get to my next joke,

they'll just go to a fucking, the master shot, and they won't see that look on your face. And you'll be fine, they'll just go to a fucking the master shot and they won't see that look on your face and you'll be fine. You'll be fine. Um, but yeah, I definitely like, I like making people laugh to the point that they can't clap. That's what I would prefer. Um, you know, I of course don't always do that, but uh, there are guys out there that

I see like, like it's hard for like a Brian Regan level funny guy when I would watch him live to, for the crowd to even be able to applaud because they're laughing so hard. Yeah. He's the first guy I ever saw made somebody slump over. Like there was an empty chair next to this lady. I think the other person fucking went ran to the back of the room. He was killing so hard.

And the woman was just fucking. I like that kind of laugh where you like you've seen when I laugh really hard and if I'm sitting down I get up and I like run away because I'm laughing so hard. It's too much. I love that kind of laugh. That's like that Apollo laughter. Because you know how like black people like like the Apollo, if they're laughing really hard, they're like freaking out and like getting out of their seat and just like

waving towels and shit like, yeah, the whole, like hitting each other. Like when we think something's funny, we think it's really fucking funny. Yeah. And when you don't think it's funny, you really don't think it's funny. Yeah, that's what I learned during those rooms Black crowds gonna have fun with or without you. So you better Yeah, they're gonna laugh with you or they're gonna laugh at you. There's no pity laughter. There's no applause. No, we don't do that Some of the fucking heckles I got in those rooms. The worst is when they would just be talking to each other about how not funny you were. I don't forget just on stage just bombing. It was just dead silence.

I just heard this woman in the middle of the crowd. She just goes, she just looked around at everybody. She just goes, I ain't laughed yet. And I'm just like, Oh my God. Oh God. Oh, and there was no, there was no way. Oh God. I love black audiences. There was no much of fun because yeah, there's no, if you're in the crowd, if you're in the crowd. Of course. If I was on stage, it would be so rough, but it's so enjoyable to be a part of it because nobody cares about your feelings. Oh, not at all. Not even, not even fucking remotely. Whenever I did a black show. I haven't even left yet. No, just so like. That's hilarious. But terrible for you. Dead.

No, she was right though. Whenever I did those shows, yeah, I always felt like in the end, whenever I did the uptown rooms as they call it, you'd get off stage and you asked yourself one of two questions. One, why am I not world famous yet? Or two, what the fuck did I ever, why the fuck did I ever think I should ever even be in this business? Because it went one way or the other. You either murdered, or you wanted to crawl out of there.

Talent, you said, this room, LeBarBat, on the fucking upper west side, it was after work black crowd crowd and it was every other fucking time. Every other time I killed, every other time I fucking ate it. Oh man, I saw them fucking Jimmy Mack, Uncle Jimmy Mack, rest his soul. I saw him one time, he was having a tough set. I think I bombed, it was just one of those fucking crowds who just weren't laughing that week. Every other week they'd laugh, every other week they weren't and he was having a tough, he was having a tough set. I think I bombed. It was just one of those fucking crowds who just weren't laughing that week. Every other week they'd laugh. Every other

week they weren't. And he was having a tough set. And I just remember he, he was bombing so bad and this woman was heckling him so bad, he had to bring up his career. He started talking about his IMDB. Yeah, I've done, he goes, uh, brought up how he did comic few or something like that. And like, he goes, I don't give a shit. Say, bitch, I don't give a fuck. You don't think I'm funny. You know, I got a career. And she just went like, uh, I came up, she said, she said N word what career and then just dressed him down. I remember I had to go on after it and like, Jimmy was the man, right? He was the fucking man. I'm just like, this guy's got 10 years on me. If he can't handle this fucking crowd,

what's gonna happen to me? And they would just, like, he got off, and then I went up, Talent went up, and Talent had this tag, where he would, the worst tag that Talent could say after you set was when he would go up, he'd be like, come on, y'all, call me, ain't easy. When he said that, you were the guy who bombed,

was just like, oh, fuck, right? So, y'all. Comedy ain't easy. When he said that, you were the guy who bombed. It was just like, oh, fuck, right? So he already did for Jimmy. Come on, y'all. Comedy ain't easy, right? The only time I ever saw him have to do it for Jimmy, because he always killed, and then he brought me up there. Oh, God. I thought about that fucking show for like a month.

I would just think of the shit that people said to me. I'd be in the shower thinking of it and just it would pop into my head and I'd do that thing. Like trying to shout it out of my head. There's a thing though, Bill, because you always talk about how heckling like is a part of standup comedy, right? Absolutely it is. But the thing is though, I don't know, maybe I just don't get it, but I, I just feel like you don't do that.

You don't fucking heckle. You let people go up and do their thing and then like, that's it. Like you don't heckle people at a play. You don't have, well, I guess people do heckle people at concerts and shit like that sort of, but for the most part you don't. Why well, I guess people do heckle people at concerts and shit like that, sort of. But for the most part, you don't. Why is it that stand up? That's what makes stand up awesome. This environment where people really feel like they need to interact with you to that level. Because you're standing there and you're not giving a speech, you're talking to them.

OK, so like I think it's that like the bands get heckled and all that. I love heckles. I think that to that like the bands get heckled and all that I love that was I Did that to me like but you're not but you don't want to encourage people to be heckling to a point of disruption No, no, like not not to that level but like Like those those It's I don't know. It's it's I always thought it was it was the most terrifying thing when I started out. What am I going to do? Because you knew it was going to happen.

What am I going to do when I get heckled? What am I going to say? And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What the fuck is going to happen? But watching seasoned vets handling it, handling hecklers, was like this art form. It was an art form within the art form. So. And you're really good at handling hecklers,

but I can see why some standups wouldn't, would want those people tossed from the place because they're disrupting the shit. And what you're going to spend your hour. But it's always been that way. material that you're working on so hard. Richard Pryor got heckled by somebody in the Richard Pryor got heckled in his own standup special. Okay. If he didn't whine about it, like I don't think anybody else should be. Okay. If, if

the crowds going to heckle him, like, what are you, what are you fucking special? Like I, I look every, every comedian can run this shit the way that they want to run their shit. But like, I look at it like I say a lot of fucked up things on stage that are going to make, you know, I always fucking give women shit and like, are they really supposed to just sit there and not say anything? You know, when I go down south, I'm always talking, you know, I'm always fucking around going, you know, when you guys came here, you took a shit in your outhouse, you came

down here, at some point, somebody's going to... Somebody's going to... So obnoxious. Yeah. Like... You like, you definitely like to push people's buttons that way. That's for sure. Yeah, because it's fun.

That's what people did. You're a provocateur. No, I'm not. It's just, it's breaking balls and then they bust your balls back and then it's fun. That's what people did. You're a provocateur. No, I'm not. It's just it's breaking balls and then they bust your balls back and then it's funny. Hmm. Okay. Yeah, I guess I understand that. I don't know. I don't I do get annoyed when some people like they'll say like, do they heckle at a Broadway play? It's like, dude, you're not doing this isn't Broadway. That's the way I look at it. All right, twinkle toes, go fucking put on your tap shoes and a cat suit.

That's the way I look at it though. You wouldn't heckle a Broadway show. Why are you heckling a comedian? Because you don't go to a Broadway show and somebody, hey, look at this fucking jerk off. What do you do for a living? That's a good point. Yeah, they don't do that either, right? How long is this podcast?

I don't want to be torturing people with... Oh, who gives a shit at this point. I got to read the rest of these things. All right. Getting off heroin. Oh, by the way, you know, they were mentioning all those punk rock bands. I actually found a band that I thought was pretty cool because I was watching a YouTube video.

Let me see if I can remember this. This is, what do you call this kind of music, Nia? Trick hop? Trip hop. Trip hop. I don't know what the fuck. This is mid to late 90s, early 2000s. Mid to late 90s.

This is my college years. It was all about trip hop Ambient the supreme beings of leisure leisure. It was like them. It was like portis head We would you just finish that like you knew who the fuck they were now. I downloaded this It was one of the few times you didn't know who they were I don't know then you just know but you just chimed in like you know Because I'm trying to Jesus Christ. No, I don, no, no, I know what you're doing. You know Massive Attack though, right?

Uh, no. You know Porter's Head? I've heard of them, yes. What about Sneaker Pimps? Yep. Yeah. Was there a reason for any of that? I was just saying, they all sort of like

lived in that same kind. Oh, okay. Trip Hoppy, Electronica. Alright, let's see what I've downloaded recently. Supreme Beings of Leisure. Leisure. Oh, I pre-ordered the the Pretenders new one Alone. It's got Jim Keltner on drums. The fucking album sounds crazy, man. Leonard Cohen has a new album and I was listening to some of the songs and I really I love Leonard Cohen No, well if you're in two years old if you're a pretenders fan, this is a fucking great album I was listening to that shit when I was getting your chicken. I

Downloaded rants rancid I pretenders sing the theme song to friend Green Day. Is that them? I thought I download it didn't fucking transfer then I downloaded that fucking punk band wait oh you know what I downloaded because I was working with T-Rex Todd Rex we were laughing about that song Dream Weaver and we were singing it so no that's You know this song, right? Am I going to have to pay for this? You know this? I just closed my eyes today This fucking song, after you did your-

Cosmic man This is the shit like after your day's done The thing you didn't want to do and you finally fucking got through it Right? You take your drug of choice, you get behind the wheel of your car. I'm joking, you don't do that. Listen, he's so intense here. Jesus fucking Christ!

I've just closed my eyes. Yeah. I've heard this song a million times, I don't know the words. You know the deal, and then it kicks the fucking drums Can we come in right? Wait? Did the pretenders sing the theme to theme song to friends was that them Who was that? What? Who was it wasn't that a kind of no?

All right, the pretend to Chrissy Hines if oh If Keith Richards was a chick Never mind How dare you Chrissy lives in her own lane though? I mean she did model herself after like rock stars of course, but like she exists in her own space That's that was a nice recovery after you suggested that she did the fucking friends Recovery after you suggested that she did the fucking friends Didn't she do like third rock from the side

That was her big alright Well, you're you're almost a millennial. That's like that's a new excuse for all the people. I'm fucking with you. All right Let's get through here getting off heroin. Oh, here's a good one Hi Bill just wanted to say thank you. Your podcast is a big reason that I am finally having some success in getting off the dope. Thanks. PS Brotherhood slash TV series equals fantastic. That's great, man. I don't know what I'm doing to help you get off dope, but if you listen to this helps you Please keep doing it. I told you I met a kid. You know it is because now he doesn he doesn't have to take dope because he listens to one. Hey, you'll be here all week there. I told you I met this kid that told me that he was in a recovery and that you

listen to your comedy and stuff really helped him get him through because he was having really dark days and so to be able to laugh was really helpful. I thought that was amazing. It is. Not necessarily funny, but we'll continue on. I got like three more of these I gotta fucking read. Well why don't you just save them for Thursday? Lady cause you know what? Oh great, great teas. Great that you brought that up. Fucking, guess who I'm having as a guest? Who?

Joe Rogan. Oh is he gonna bring some elk burgers? Elk meat. Yes. Finally, making his first appearance. Oh my goodness, how exciting. His first appearance. He'll be on the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.

All right, Lady in Law School. All right, Nene, maybe this is for you. What's up, Billy Butterballs? I'm 27 and a fellow Hockamock alum. I just moved down to CT from Connecticut, okay, from Boston for law school. There's this girl who I hit it off with right away. She's beautiful and we really click. I found out she had a boyfriend about two weeks into school and backed off.

But there was little still little subtle hints that she was into me. Fast forward to our school Halloween party mid-October, she gets hammered and tells me to man up and make a move. Me being the sober guy that I am denied her advances because she's still in a relationship. The following day she breaks up with her boyfriend and we ended up making out a couple days later, she soberly confesses her feelings for me to which I affirm my own.

This is going good, right? This is all quality, everything was above board. Literally two days later she tells me she doesn't want anything romantically and needs to focus on herself. No disrespect to the ladies, but I've been through this shit before where a newly single girl flip flops with their feelings. I think everybody flip flops when they're newly single girl flip-flops with their feelings I think everybody flip-flops when they're newly single. My question is what should I do? I feel like an idiot for telling her I feel and then getting rejected. You shouldn't you shouldn't feel yeah

You were a man you said how you feel exactly and you were very respectful of those relationship boundaries So I don't think you've done anything wrong here. You said on the one hand, I want to say fuck her, but on the other hand, I want to remain friends. I also literally can't avoid her. If you're ever in New Haven, check out the Owl. It's a solid cigar bar. Looking forward to all your new material coming out. Thanks and go fuck yourself.

I like this guy. Yeah. Here's the deal, dude. It's going to take way too much energy to fucking sit there and try and not to look at her in all of that shit. So just, you know, you said what you fucking felt about her. She's not in that place in her life. So you know, that's where she's at.

You were both honest. Just leave it at that. When you see it, just say, Hey, how are you? How you doing? I mean, just keep it at that. How was your weekend? Oh, that's great. Just keep it at that. How was your weekend? Oh, that's great. Just keep it like that and keep it light, but don't get sucked into the cause who knows

like she might try to suck you into the hole. She's going to she feels lonely this week. Of course she's going to let's make out. Oh my God, too much back and forth like you. It's a slippery slope. So don't get sucked back into it. So be cool. Don't like ignore her. Don't be weird. So don't get sucked back into it. So be cool. Don't ignore her.

Don't be weird. But don't... Yeah, but you know how women are... Don't try to be friends with this girl. And the more he fucking stays though... Don't try to be friends with her. Just be friendly. The more he fucking does that though, the more she's going to fucking want him though.

That's how it works. If he's just like, look, I respected what you said the other day. I feel like you're in a very highly emotional state where you're going to be flip-flopping and I have to protect myself. So no, I'm busy. I definitely want to be friends with you. Well, let's just leave it at that. That will fucking drive her nuts. Of course. And if she keeps saying no, she'll end up blowing somebody else in that class just to get back at her Well, let her spiral And her you know, I probably shouldn't have said that last shit. I'm just fucking I'm trying to be funny But no, dude, okay

You went in look how look at our you got two seconds into knowing that chick You want to fucking know her for four seconds? You want to keep coming back? I would I would just stay friendly with her and I would leave it at that Lee but not friends. There's a difference. You don't need to be... That sounds like an Oprah book. Friendly but not friends. Ooh, I like that. No, because that's how you get yourself friend-zoned as a male or a female.

Doing that thing where we're like, oh, but we're still friends. No, we're really good friends. No, we're actually really good friends. It's like, no. If someone has feelings and someone doesn't or someone has feelings and someone's flip flopping, you can't be friends only with that person because it's uneven. A friendship is when two people have mutual respect for each other and you're on the same wavelength. You can't fully be friends if one is always pining for the other.

That shit just doesn't work. So like at this time in her life, he can't be friends with her. Friendly, what's up? How you doing? How was your weekend? Great. Boom. Moving on. That's it. I agree. But he wants to fuck her. That's the problem. Yeah. We'll let him deal with all of that shit. We just give out information. Neither one of us are professionals. If you want to listen to it, you can. Not at all.

All right. Killing it at warehouse job. Hey, Bill, a while back you talked about working at your old warehouse job and going in every day and killing it. Well, it inspired me to seek out one of those jobs. And I've been at this job for about a month and a half. Let me tell you, I fucking love it. The physical work is great, unloading trucks and taking big pallets of products to stock

them in the back room. I fucking love that job, man. I love that job. I've been doing so, and the truck drivers are fucking hilarious. There's so many artists and shit that work in warehouses. There's so many people that played in bands and were just funny. It was fucking great. All the suits in the carpet area, it was terrible.

Anyways, he says, I've been doing so well that one of the leaders told me that my boss was bragging about me in a meeting with the corporate headquarters. They even support me in my music and concert photography career as well. I told you, it's always artists out there. He said, I photographed Metallica up close and personal here in Minneapolis in August. I worked my way up to getting 40 hours a week and I'm loving the progress. Now, my question is, when do you think it's an appropriate time to ask for a raise or ask about benefits?

I've only been there a short time, but I think I proved myself valuable to the company and want to move forward as quick as I can. I would like to hear your thoughts. Thank you for the inspiration. Well, it seems to me that you got this other fucking thing that seems like a way better job. If you're taking pictures of Metallica, isn't that the direction you want to go in? I mean, I would use this day job as a way to keep yourself afloat financially until you get your photography business to a level where you can do that full time and

not need to worry about anything else. But either way, no matter what you want to do with your life, you don't kill it for a month and then be like, hey, all right, I did something for you. Can I do something for me? I was going to say, I mean, not to be cynical, but I'm sure they love you now. But as soon as you ask for more money, I think that's just going to flip on you real quick. Yeah. You got to be careful.

They're not your friends. Wait. What it is is you got to figure out when the review is. Some places have a six months, some have a year. That's when you ask. Wait, what it is is you know, you got to figure out when the review is. Yeah. Some places have a six month, some have a year. That's when you ask. You don't dictate your own, like this guy's acting like he was like a fucking one month free agent.

Yeah. Don't, don't mistake their like encouragement for them wanting you to now like, and while we're at it, let's give this kid like 10 more dollars an hour. Like, yeah, but that is going to, they'll probably be like, maybe we can move this guy up for a position or something like that. So it's all good that they're saying that stuff. But yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I wouldn't play positive, but just, I don't know.

All right. Press bills advice, breastfeeding in public. Dear, dear Billy Crimson tits. Let me see this. Crimson Tits? That's why I don't do ask me anything because this is all it's going to be. There are so many Billy like when you were on the Simpsons, someone wrote, oh Billy Yellow Nips is going to be on. Let me say, I like it.

I think it's funny. Let me say congrats on the Pats having early season success. I am from the Bay Area and we are hoping the Giants get into the playoffs again to win their fourth even year world series in a row. The Bay, oh the Giants, the, okay I see the baseball. Well this is an old one, they knocked out of the playoffs. Recently I was traveling through Columbia with my girlfriend. We were in the airport when we randomly saw a woman breastfeeding her baby just out in

the open in one of the terminal waiting areas. What was weird is as she was doing it, she was looking around, making eye contact with everyone who was walking by the way a dog looks around a park while it unloads a dump. My initial reaction was saying to my girlfriend, oh man, that's gross. She is breastfeeding. Apparently this opened the floodgates of feminism. My girlfriend responded, why is that gross?

That's hypocritical. You men love to see boobs, but when it's for you, when it's for nature's purpose, you complain. I then responded, well, the ass purpose is to shit, and men are turned on by a nice ass. Are women now going to start taking dumps publicly since that is the butt's primary purpose? That's a great fucking point. No, it isn't.

Yeah, it is. It's not the same at all. What are you talking about? Shitting in public cannot be compared to breastfeeding in public. They are not the same thing at all. That's what's called a false equivalency. Yeah, I don't know. It's both you're excreting something from your body and people don't want to look at it. She responded that there is an obvious difference. Since then, my girlfriend has been sending me all these pro-public breastfeeding videos

of moms defending the action. I find it amusing how women all defend it and encourage it, but they know how creepy it is, so most of them won't actually publicly breastfeed with their own kids. I explained to my girlfriend that it isn't the rack sighting that annoys us, obviously, since most of us guys enjoy a nice set. It's more just the public nature of witnessing a baby drink its dinner off its mother's udders. Yeah.

He goes, I felt like a chump because I was having trouble explaining why it's not okay to publicly breastfeed. No, it's okay to do it, but like you have the right to look at it and be grossed out. Um, could use some ammo in this argument. And I'm interested in hearing my favorite comedian rant about this subject. I have a feeling you just can't have a difference of opinion. Can you be an adult? Can you be an adult and let me finish reading this? I don't understand why you've got to put it like he needs ammo in this thing. Like you just fucking disagree. It's fine. Are you done? Can I have some ammo so I can slap my girlfriend upside the head with some facts, man? Some male facts. Oh yeah. As opposed to what? Female facts?

Yeah, we're the ones doing it. And let me just, I'm just, no, I'm just going to, can I just finish the fucking thing? No, no. Okay. I'm going to say right now, okay, just because you have found that there are most women who wouldn't just whip it out and breastfeed in public. And it's the same, a lot of women I know wouldn't feel comfortable doing, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing, I would want to cover myself up.

But if a woman is not covered up, I support her right in doing that. So just because we wouldn't do it ourselves personally doesn't mean that we're not going to want it for other people. Shit happens. That kid's hungry. You don't always have your scarf or your cover up or whatever. And this kid is screaming and crying and you're stressed out here, put a tit in its mouth and so it'll, it'll be quiet and be fed and move on it's not that big of a deal You can avert your eyes and keep it moving What is the problem? No? I'm just saying it's fucking it's weird to look at it is a little Off putting to be like oh shit. She's breastfeeding, but like move on get over it

It's literally a second of your life to look, register, and move on. That's what he did. He doesn't need ammo. So then why is he writing me? Hey, hey, take your voice down, Nia. Take your voice down. Don't act like me.

Needing ammo in order to come back to his girlfriend with these pearls of wisdom. Because, no, because he's young and he thinks he's actually gonna change your fucking mind like He should have just said hey fair enough agree to disagree Look all he did was he fucking looked at it and he had the natural for his natural fucking reaction Which of course feminists are gonna say no man That's not the natural reaction that was put into you by the fucking males that run society But boo boo boo, and all that fucking

shit. This shit that guys do in public, I am sure that is totally fucking legal, that is disgusting. Like when you're adjusting your balls. Do men even realize when they're doing it? Sometimes they're just having a conversation with you and they just tug on their balls. Some men know more than others, some don't. Some, you know, more than others. But like, here's my thing, you know, if they're going to sit there and talk about man spreading, like the way we sit on trains, but you can fucking

whip your titty out and we're supposed to be like, Hey, you know, blah, blah, we can't have a comment on that. You guys are just so fucking, when I say you guys, I mean feminists, like you guys are just so fucking like looking at shit just one fucking way that it's, it's, I don't know, like it gets, you're doing that classic fucking thing where it starts off, it's a good cause. And then by the end of it, you come out the other side, you're not a hundred percent what the fuck you were fighting, but you have all like a lot of the same elements of shouting people down, not wanting to hear the rest of the fucking guy's stuff. You want to be listened to, but this guy here is just being honest to how he feels and it

makes you feel a certain type of way over the fuck you say it. And then you fucking shout it down. And all right, fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. And you're right. I did shut it down and I did like cut it off because I was annoyed by it. But I think what it is is that there's just this, this feeling of such like, I don't know. I feel like the reaction is disproportionate to what they are reacting to.

I feel like a child, you know, being fed from its mother, which is a very natural thing, and the reaction that some men have to it is so disproportionate. It's like, it's ridiculous. What is the reaction? So the point, the reaction is that he's comparing it to shitting in public.

That to me is disproportionate to a child feeding off its mother. Really? You think it's like shitting in public, sir? I thought it was... No, he doesn't think... That was a clever fucking comeback to what she said. It's not that clever. It's fucking hilarious. It's dumb.

That just means you don't have a good comeback for it. Come on. You guys... You know what? I'll tell you, nothing like a fucking feminist to come along and suck the laughter out of the room. He was the one asking for ammo about how to deal with this fact that like, I, and listen, yeah, his girlfriend probably when she has a baby- Jesus Christ, we did another hour since I turned this fucking thing on. This is like a fucking two hour podcast. This is like the longest one ever.

Oh no, that's not good. That's too long, right? People don't want it to be that long. Yeah, it's probably too long. Anyways, Nia, Nia, Nia, at the end of the day, okay, I, you know, people have a right to fucking react. They certainly do. They do, like they look at something, they're like, ugh,

okay, the same fucking, like you're not allowed, you know, with all of that type of shit that falls on the other side of the fence, you're not allowed to have your natural reaction to it. It's automatically considered that there's something fucking wrong with you and something like that. Dude, there's a lot of fucking, like, here's another thing too, like there's also like, but there's also like teenage kids walking around and all of that

type of shit and you're whipping your fucking titty up. You can't walk around topless. It's considered indecent exposure in this fucking country. Okay. There's kids walking around, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're pulling out a fucking titty and then you take a little mini me a you and you stick it on the end of it. I mean, yeah, this is something like very alien about it, but I'm not for guys. It just weird. I know. But the thing is, we have a right to feel that way. I'm

not saying we're right in what we're thinking. Shit on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras. And that's not as natural as it is to feed a child. Not to me. Let me know. He says shit. Nobody's a shit on on Bourbon Street and Mardi Gras when girls are flashing their tits for some like two cent plastic beads made in china Then it's all good. Then it's like shots for everybody. No, but that's what it's like someone's feeding their child That's not legal damn airport. It's not legal But you don't see men being like can you believe the way she just like they're they're into it? But a woman is feeding her child at the airport and all of a sudden it's like shitting in public No, because that is because of because I can't even fucking give I got such a great example

But I can't fucking say it why not Yeah, you're looking at the breast and when they're just shaking their tits or whatever it's like yeah, okay, and then all of a sudden There's a baby Eating off of it. It's like whoa what the fuck to people who don't have babies It's weird it freaks you out, like, oh yeah, that's right, they also do that. And it's also kind of fucking weird, you're just sitting there eating a sandwich,

and then you look down and think, I know, Nia, I know, the whole fucking world needs to just be like, oh, okay, fuck all our feelings. Like, that's how this feminist shit is going, where it's just, your guy's side is 100% right the way you see shit is a hundred percent right and a lot of times most of the shit you bitching about guys had wrong and I agree with it but but this whole fucking thing that men cannot have fucking opinions you guys can tell us

how to sit down on a fucking subway but we can't have a fucking reaction to I look I don't give a fuck if a woman breast feeds, I don't. But like when I see some guy who has a reaction to it and then he gets yelled at, like he wants women not to be able to vote anymore, I just think it's a bit of a fucking overreaction. I just think that it's interesting that there are certain men who are more comfortable with seeing breasts sexualized

than they are for what they are intended for. Stop saying sexualized than they are for what they are intended for. Stop saying sexualized like they're being exploited. They are more accepting of seeing a woman's breasts being used in a sexual manner than they are for the purpose of what breasts are for, which is basically to feed children. That's not all they're for. Because otherwise they're just like fat deposits. No, that's not all they're for. What do you mean That's not all they're for. Because otherwise they're just like fat deposits. No, that's not all they're for.

What do you mean that's not all they're for? It's for the survival of mankind in that nice Iraq attracted a fucking male and he comes over and he bangs ya and then when you guys die there's still other people. There's also that. So in other words for like procreation. Listen, there's no way to win this fucking argument because women want to be attractive. You want attention.

But you want it when you want it, you want it how you want it. And guys have to know exactly when that is or when it isn't. And if they don't, if they don't fucking guess right, it's like the end of a Tom Cruise movie when he's trying to clip which fucking wire, one gonna blow it up the other isn't and if you don't 100% know when that fucking thing is then you are like I don't know what you're the worst fucking person on the planet So what are you saying? Just shut up and take it however you get it. No, that's not what I'm saying Why do you have to go to that level of extreme?

And your Tom Cruise analogy, like the red wire or the blue wire is not extreme? No, I'm saying it's just like, no matter what the fuck we do, we're wrong. It's like, you want to fucking put on a fucking push-up bra and have your tits in everybody's fucking face. So wow, ladies, we're not paying for drinks tonight, right? Your fucking little skirt barely covering your fucking hoo-ha.

Okay? And then all of a sudden in a blink of a fucking eye is what the fuck are you looking at? I'm talking about that shit. And you know that shit. You know what I'm saying. I know what you're saying, but I don't know what that has to do with breastfeeding and any of that kind of stuff. Cause that's not what we're talking about. Well you led it into the whole thing. Like, you know, you, you, you look at like sexualized

breasts where all it always comes steering around to somehow men. More acceptable child being fed off of like the breast. And I don't understand why that is. Why that's more comfortable. Because you're not a man? To be like. Because you're not a man. Well, then fine. Maybe that's what it is.

But like, that's something that I feel like people need to get over. I would not breastfeed in public without being covered. But if a woman needs to do it, I get it. And it shouldn't offend anybody. I think people can just think what they think. I think people can just think what they think. I don't feel that the way I look at shit...

The way that they think and progress a little bit, that's how we get to find a little bit more understanding between the sexes so we don't have this goddamn argument every year. It's like the same fucking argument. We're not getting anywhere. I don't understand. All right, but you know how that works? That progressing thing works? The only way there's progression in it is if men see the world the way women want them

to see the world. That is the so-called progression between the sexes right now. That's what's fucking annoying because all of my shit is just considered ignorant and not valid and I'm a caveman and all of your shit is applause break talk show shit. 100% and women can literally do exactly to men what the fuck they don't want done to them in different ways and it's just and it always if a guy gets completely fucked over by a woman what do they say? Well he picked her, shouldn't have married her. You know what I mean? You guys aren't necessarily held accountable for your actions when you pick a bad dude. If you pick a bad guy and he's a fucking piece of shit, then it's, you know,

not only not your fault, it's the guy's fault and it's all men's. Then all men have to sit down and listen to a fucking lecture or read a sign on a fucking subway Like we're all walking around dragging women down the street by the fucking hair But there's no signs on the subway or anywhere else about the fucked up behavior That a lot of women display with men Okay So that I can accept that okay, So that's all I'm saying. So this is another fucking thing where it's like your guys reaction literally to how men

sit on the fucking subway is 100% validated. I can't be like, listen, I got balls. I don't want to smash in between my thighs. Fucking get over it. I don't have that option. You can be like, well, fuck you. I got to breastfeed my kid. Get over it.

The way you look at it is fucked up. But our whole shit is we have to be like, oh, really? Is this issue 9,863 of this fucking month that bothers you? You guys are these faultless fucking human beings. Like I said, most of that feminist shit, I fucking agree with it. But it's just every fucking day now. Every day now, there's some new fucking thing. It's a fucking lecture. It's seeped into the comedy clubs. Everything is just so fucking precious now. It's stupid.

Well, I know political correctness is like across the board is like can be I'm gonna edit out like nine hours of this shit. The enemy of like creativity and stuff like that. I definitely agree with that. It's childish. But I just feel like when it comes, I just. Yeah, there's some correctness is is yet another thing. Its heart was in the right place, but it solves absolutely nothing.

No, I understand that. All you did was you gave you gave truly horrible people a roadmap of words where they can navigate from one side of the river to the other and still have their fucking job. But what's in their heart is still in their fucking heart. But they can say Native American, African American, uh, um, whatever, whatever the fuck you're supposed to say, post post person, milk person. It's just fucking annoying to be like, hey, give me some ammo so I can tell my girlfriend why women shouldn't breastfeed in public.

That just sounds like some ignorant shit to me. It sounds to me like he's losing the argument and she's probably affecting the mood of the fucking... He's too dumb to just let it go because he's young. That's what he's doing. And I imagine right now that she's probably using sex, the lack of sex or whatever, to now punish him. And now he's walking around like a fucking little puppy that got slapped on the snout

with a fucking newspaper. Like a lot of guys in relationships. You know, there are some people that are just modest about that kind of stuff. I had a friend over not too long ago and she brought her six month old with her and she had to breastfeed him. And when he was off the thing, when he would drink some and then he'd be sort of looking around, she was covering her boob and it was just her and I in there. And there was a part of me that wanted to be like, you don't have to cover your breasts in front of me, but that was a natural reaction.

I'm not arguing his thing. I don't give a shit if women breastfeed in public. I don't give a shit. I'm just saying that there are women who are, and I'm sure the reason why she was looking around like a dog taking a shit is because she's thinking, oh God, who's going to judge me? Who's going to judge me? When she should in an ideal, perfect world just be there with her baby, bonding, feeding,

and then just move on. Why is she a saint in this? See how you just said that? Oh my god Oh my god, you guys gonna judge me? She lives... No, cuz she was saying he was he was saying that she was looking around Yeah, but she lives in Columbia. She lives in Columbia. Who knows what the culture is down there? What the opinion is? I don't know shit about Columbia. Do you? No. Yeah, would you watch Narcos and all of a sudden, you know what these fucking people are thinking? No, I would never try to speak for Columbia. I have no fucking idea what they think. No, I have no idea. It just might not be that, might be totally fucking normal. It probably isn't.

And she was just people watching. Or she might have been a freak and she was trying to see if anybody, you know, she's a little exhibitionist. Who knows what the fuck she was thinking? She was probably like, oh, Jesus Christ, for people looking at me like I'm crazy because I'm breastfeeding without a cover She's probably really like having some sort of anxiety about it. I bet It's probably socially acceptable. That's what I would guess so she's just fucking looking around

Yeah, we got to end this fucking thing this is like two podcasts alright, sorry guys I know this long, but uh, we hadn't seen each other for a while. We like to talk. All right That's right. Go fuck yourselves. I'll see you on Thursday What's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast show NFL edition going into week number. Oh my god is this week number we're going into week number eight Is that right Andrew? Is that right? We're going into week number oh my god is this week number we're going into week number eight is that right Andrew is that right we're going into week number eight yes we're going into week number eight that's what it is uh holy shit uh guys as you can see i am not sitting here with my partner Bill Burr on the show because Bill is in Paris France but don't worry, because Bill's picks will be on the show.

You'll even see and hear from Bill from Paris, France on the show. It's just, he can't be with us today, but we have a great show. Of course, we got the injury report. We got Jake the Snake here. We got the Greek Freak, AKA the Beverly Hills Kid. Andrew Thimless is here.

But first, before we get into this week's show, we have to shout out our sponsor. It's the BetMGM sponsor, everybody. BetMGM is offering $1,500 in bets to get your season going. How do you get this offer? It's four easy steps. You download the BetMGM Sportsbook app to your device and you use the code, R code. It's B-U-R-R, that's Burr. Very simple. You sign up and you deposit at least $10 into your BetMGM account. Jesus. Course. I'm going to start that part over. You sign up, these people are trying to sell me fucking solar panels and I led them on. This is what happened. These people tried to sell me solar panels. I led them on and going, oh yeah, I know.

Well, I could save 50% and then they fucking, the guy keeps calling every day around this time. So I'm sorry. Anyway, let's get back to the sponsor. You sign up, you deposit at least $10 into the Bet MGM Sportsbook account. Place your first wager and receive up to $1500 back in bonus bets. If the bet loses, if the bet does lose, your bonus bets will be available once the initial wager is

settled. We also have the first touchdown offer which is simply, which is still going on. It's simply place your prop bet on the player to score the first touchdown in any NFL game. If that player does not score the first touchdown in any game, but in fact scores the second touchdown in any game, you'll get your stake back in cash. There you go, guys. All right, so here we are. Andrew Demlus is here and we're gonna get into these picks. We have to talk about this week though, okay. We have to talk about this week though.

We have to talk about this week because everybody was telling me the Buccaneers were going to beat the Ravens. And I said, not so fast. I didn't take the Ravens, but I was like, let's not get crazy. And I think the Ravens have now become one of the teams, one of the two teams that I think can take out the Chiefs and the AFC, I don't know. I also want to apologize, not apologize, listen it's my fucking show, I don't apologize to anybody, but I also want to tell people I was wrong about the Eagles. I still don't know if the Eagles are at the level,

the Eagles are not at the level of the Lions and those teams, but I said that the Eagles weren't that good and you know what? They went into my New York Giants MetLife Stadium and they absolutely put a beat down on them. Okay? Saquon Barkley had the game that Giants fans had nightmares about. He actually had that game. Very hard to watch, very hard to accept.

I don't hate the guy. I understand what happened, but dude, it was really tough to watch the kid run for 176, a touchdown. He couldn't even win for more. They benched him late in the game cuz it was just done. Horrible, their defense looked good. Our offensive line looked terrible. So I was wrong about that.

Also, the Jets, I thought the Jets were gonna, I thought it was time. Devontae Adams, Aaron Rodgers still not playing great. So I was wrong about those two. And the other one that I do have to say is the Steelers. I said it was the only thing they had was the coach. You know what? They had the defense. So look, I'm glad I only touched one of those.

Actually no. I touched both of those games and those are my two losses. And in fact, it would have been my fourth week in a row. I know it would have, could have, should have. Would have been my fourth week in a row, three in one. And instead the Jets go into Pittsburgh, they lose and I end up going two and two, which is not a losing record by any stretch. I believe now I am 13 and 15, two games back. I do not know what Bill did. We will get into that. Um, but there's a lot of cool stuff going on this week in the NFL.

There's a lot of good games. Jake the snake. I got to bring you in here for, I got to bring you in here for some injury reports. Some things that I didn't know. We got some things going on, right? What's cooking. Yeah, there's a bunch of stuff going on. I'll start off with the court. It's mainly at receiver, but I'll start off with a quarterback. Jane Daniels got hurt, I'll start off with the court. It's mainly at receiver, but I'll start off with a quarterback. Jane Daniels got hurt, um, against the Panthers last week and we're not sure if

he's going to play against the Bears this week. He didn't practice yesterday, but the coach thinks he's going to be back out there. So that's something to monitor. Um, the line for that is move to, um, the bears opened as underdogs and they're now favored. So Vegas is prepared for him not to play, but you know, And who's Washington's backup? Uh, Mariotta. He played the second half.

Oh, yeah, that's right. He played, that's right. He didn't play too bad. No, he looked good. Um, he looked good. I was nervous because I was on the commander, so, but he ended up playing lights out, so it worked out. But yeah, so the main injuries are at receiver. Not only did Tampa get blown out by the Ravens, they lost Godwin for the season and Mike Evans is going to be out for an extended period of time as well. So just adding insult to injury there. I know Bill mentioned that the line flipped because of those two injuries. And I think those two injuries, if I'm right here, I think that I heard this, that those injuries came late in the game. Both of those injuries came late in the game, dude.

And those are two of their biggest stars. Yeah, the Godwin one especially, they were down by a lot. So yeah, that was tough to see. He got carded off and yeah, it's hard to see someone season him like that. But there is some positive injury news. Cooper Cup and Pukinuku are expected to play tonight against the Vikings. They've been out since week one and two of the season so it's good. It's going to be exciting to have both them back and see if that Rams offense can kind of salvage what's left of their

season. The Cooper Cup is in trade, so we'll see how that goes. And then lastly, the Chiefs traded for DeAndre Hopkins yesterday. Saw that. Yeah. Only the Chiefs, leave it to the Chiefs, those sneaky Chiefs to get in at the last minute and get a really good player.

I mean, the Chiefs just, the Chiefs have ways to find these veterans. They're gonna, you know, he's gonna have a nice little playoff moment. And I'll be honest with you, I hate to say this on the show. Hate to say this on the show. But I visualize them winning their third Super Bowl and them like going up to Deandre Hopkins going, we're so glad he got his.

D-Hop finally got his. We're so glad. I can. D-Hop finally got his. We're so glad. I can see that stupid post-game celebration. And I hope I'm wrong, but I don't know, man. The Chiefs have ways to do it. And I think that that's a big pickup for them. The Rams tonight is interesting because I'd like to see them fully healthy.

I also heard rumors, don't know if this is true, that Daniel Jones of the New York Giants is in a trade package to get Matthew Stafford. That's kind of been going on. You don't know if that's going to happen. I think that what I heard was that they didn't know if they needed or wanted Daniel Jones in the package and the Giants kind of, if they did do it, would do that. I don't know if that's true or not, but I don't know. Yeah, I don't think so. I think that the Stafford stuff,

I think that's all bullshit. You think he's staying in Los Angeles? Yeah, there's like literally no, yeah, I don't even really know what the ridiculous argument for the Rams trading Stafford is. Like I can't even think of like a stupid, I can't think of a stupid argument. They would have to be getting the first round picks back.

Yeah, I think the Rams know the season is, I think the Rams know that they're not really going to win a Superbowl this year. And I think that they, you know, I think that the fact that Cooper Cup is on the market, I think we're looking at a rebuild. I think that they also know Stafford is older. So I think that they're kind of like a garage sale maybe right now. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I did. And does anybody really think that season is because because of Stafford? I mean, obviously, with all the injuries they had, you know, and now get to the picks this week is, you Cooper Cubs coming back and there's a lot of promise there But yeah, no, I mean first for them to get rid of staff would be ridiculous and like you said

It's a rebuilding year But I mean look at first I look at the quarterback market look at what young quarterbacks are doing You can't be looking around the league going I mean put it this way if you had a choice between James Winston and Joe Flacco, who would you put in? I? Mean you might just go with Flacco. You know what I'm saying? I don't know. I mean, Winston, I

don't know about a full contract, but let's be honest, nobody's nobody's, you know, happy with the scene. I don't think that they would get rid of Stafford thinking he's a problem. I don't think they would get rid

of Stafford thinking he's a problem. I think if they did unload Stafford or Cup, it's just because they're looking at the future and they want to dump age and money. That's what I think. Yeah, but then you're gambling because who knows? Who knows what you get? I think Cup is more likely going to be the casualty there, especially you see all these quote unquote aging receivers around the same age as Cup have been traded was around similar money. And I think teams are gonna get a little desperate,

like maybe the Chargers, you see that they didn't really have any receivers on Monday or the Steelers. Maybe they think, oh, we can add Cup and pair them with Pickens and really be special offensively. So I think teams are gonna start getting aggressive before the deadline for Cup.

Or the Giants, maybe the Giants. Maybe the Giants get rid of Wond Robinson for all these drops we get Cooper Cup in there on the other side of neighbors who knows how the neighbors will be nice oh do a cup and neighbors would be right how old is Cup he's not that old right like early 30s I mean you know but then I thought you know these NFL owners think you know they said they think Amari Cooper is old, they think Hopkins is old. 31, 31. Yeah, see once an NFL, once an offensive weapon in the NFL hits 30, that's kind of when like,

even if they got a couple of years left, that's kind of when it's trade time because they're going, let's go and get somebody in their mid 20s. I get it. You know, I think the Commander's Bears is one of the most interesting games this week. I do. I think because if Daniels, do you rush them back? You don't want to rush them back.

They are playing in Washington. That's a game. Part of me wants to go, let's take the Commander's getting points. But the other part of me is like, you know what, dude, just stay away. It's a it's two and a half. It stayed two and a half. Right. Well, yeah. So it was funny because I was gonna not to spoil all the pics here, but I was gonna take the Bears even when they when it opened as underdogs. And I still like it now as I'm a favorites, whether I hope Daniel's plays because we can see that Daniel's Caleb matchup because they went one and two in the draft. So that'd be one of the funner games of the week. But I just think the Bears defense is what makes a difference here. They have a really strong defense in Washington, does not. And I think that ultimately is going to win the game. All right. Yeah, I mean, look, there's a lot of cool, interesting picks here. And I see the weird thing is this is one of the weeks where you got three or four giant lines.

You got 11, you got 10, you got nine, whatever it is. And then you also have a bunch of threes and twos. It's a fun week. I'm ready to get into these picks here. You wanna take a look at last week real quick? Yes, let's look at last week. So last week, I don't know what Bill did last week. What did Bill do last?

One and three. One and three. I went two and two, which brings me to 13 and 15. I am 13. You're right there, Paul. What's that? You're right there, Paul. Right there, hanging, you know, we're hanging around

right middle of the season almost hanging around. But look, lot of work to do, lot of work to do, a lot of work to do. So it can go any way we got to we got to stay in this thing. And all right. So look and listen, if Aaron Rogers and Devante Adams together could have fucking done anything, I'm above the book. That's how that's how quick this is. But listen, woulda, coulda, shoulda, maybe, none of that shit matters. I think that teams are starting to become who they

are. I think the Baltimore Ravens are who they are. I really believe that. Unfortunately, I hate to say this because now I said this about the Eagles, people get mad at that. I really believe that. Unfortunately, I hate to say this because now I said this about the Eagles, people get mad at that. I'm going to say this about the Niners, the Niners with the Niners with Debo. And by the way, man, the Niners are are great people. Like I met them, the owners, they're such a great organization, dude. Like, I got people I have friends that are like mutual friends that are close with George Kittle said he's like the coolest dude. He's hurt. Debo's hurt.

You know, it's and listen to do what they've done to get back again. It's so exhausting and to deal with everything they're dealing with. I just think it's tough. I just really think the Lions right now, I think the Lions in the NFC Packers in the NFC are really the teams and then I do think Texans Ravens are the only two I think the Texans and the Ravens right now I don't want to shit on Pittsburgh. I know Pittsburgh and Buffalo are hanging back there, but as far as getting after the Chiefs Let's be honest, dude. Can we be honest?

As much as we want to beat around the bush, the Chiefs are the best team in the league. They just, even though the games are close and everybody goes, oh, he gets calls, they just, they find ways to win the game. And that's what championship teams do. And now they added DeAndre Hopkins. So it's who can pick off the Chiefs.

Can Lamar pick off the Chiefs? Can the Ravens do it? I don't know, but I'll tell you what, that would be an epic, epic AFC championship. I'm ready to game. Zay Flowers, just noting that Zay Flowers, I think he's got like a high ankle sprain, low ankle sprain, but he, yeah, he's, he's, he didn't practice today's Thursday. He didn't practice yesterday. So that, that going into this week, especially looking at them against the Browns, just telling Jake,

this is basically the Brown Super Bowl. This is if you're the Browns, you have nothing else this season to really be looking at. So Jameis Winston coming in the game. Ravens on a short week. That's a division rivalry. So you want to, we can roll Bill's first pick right now. Cut to that.

And yeah, we're going to give, we're going to give Bill first pick from Paris, France, and then I'll get into mine. Ah, way. Bonjour Paul. Salut Andrew. Au revoir. Jake.

Les serpents. What's up everybody. I am in, I am a Paris. I'm Jake the snake. going into New England. We are a fucking mess. And our coach said we're a soft team. And I know that that should inspire them. Everybody's gonna be booing Aaron Rodgers, but I just, I don't know, until they cover a fucking spread. I mean, they've been winning for me every week.

It's the only way I can handle what the Patriots are doing this year. Oh, here's a little travel tip for you. You see that green thing up there? All you Americans, that's this year. Oh, here's a little travel tip for you. You see that green thing up there? All you Americans, that's not a weed store, that's a pharmacy. And we're back.

Good pick, Bill. And Bill picks the Jets. I like that pick. I like that pick. Well, look, here's why I like the pick, because it really is now or never for the Jets. The Jets are not gonna be able to go two and six. You gotta make it three and five and get on course right now, if you go two and six it might be a rep. So I like that pick. Okay, with my first pick of the 2024 week eight, Paul Verzi selects, no. I think what

I'm going to do with this pick, I, man, the number is high and I just talked about him. I hate to do it. You know what? No, I'm going to change. I'm going to change. Guys, I'm going to take the Atlanta Falcons minus two and a half versus an unfortunately banged up Buccaneers team. No Chris Godwin, no Mike Evans. Baker did not look good. I think the Falcons will see some things that they can do without those threats in the air. And it's only two and a half, which means if the Falcons win by three, I'm going to take that pick. I think I would never take the pick if the injuries didn't happen. And I don't really, I like to say this too about this pick.

I don't really like to bet on teams or pick teams based on other teams' injuries. It's not something I usually do, but this is so significant, this is so significant with those two that I have to do it. So I'm going to take the Atlanta Falcons over the Buccaneers given two and a half points. All right, I'm also going to take, I'm going to take the Panthers getting nine points against the Broncos going into Denver. Both those teams. I've been doing this all week just annoying French people. Bill taking the hapless as he says. Carolina Panthers getting nine points versus the Broncos.

That's the high line. When Bill picked it, it was nine and a half. So Bill gets that, right? Well we're going to give him the 10 since it goes in his favor and we always do it whatever the odds are Thursday when we record. So we'll give him the 10. We'll give him the 10. It went in the direction.

If it went the other way maybe he would've, you know. He'll need all the points for it with that team. So definitely. Yeah, listen, we'll give him what he could get with that team. Okay, with my second pick, man, this is is I'm up in the air with this man. I want to take the Browns and Winston because I have a feeling Winston is going to play good. I don't know why he's actually he's actually a decent NFL quarterback is crazy. It is to say. And it is nine points. But the way the Ravens are flying right now, I can see that game literally being 31 to 10. So I'm just going to lay off that one. All right.

Of course, my eyes go down and see the Giants. I'm not going to do that to myself again. OK, I'm not going to do that to myself again. I'm going to take Washington Commanders, dude. I'm gonna take the Washington Commanders getting two and a half at home. I don't know if Daniels is gonna play. Mariota looked good and the line is... it's that line where if you had to win by three, I don't know if I'd take the game. The fact that they're getting two and a half, I don't know. I've rode with them all year.

It's been good for me. I'm going to go with the Washington commanders. Now, is Daniels definitely out? It's unclear because the coach was like, oh, you know, he he might still play, but he just hasn't practiced so far. So it's just unclear if he's going to play. It's I'd say it's 50-50. I'm going to take the chance. I'm going to take the chance. I'm going to take the injury just what's that con. It's a rib injury for

context right Jake. Yes. Yes. Quarterbacks have played that before so you know it's not impossible. Oh no I know but I just as far as like just Paul appeared you know handicapping him on his feet or him. Yeah listen. It's the ball

in the spot you know these are it's going to be one of those games. It's going to be one of those games where he's going to be the one that's going to be you know, handicapping him on his feet or him putting the ball in the spot, you know, these are two different games. It's gonna be one of those games where he's gonna have to deal with pain or not. It's a rib injury is something that it only heals with rest, but I've seen guys play with it and be in pain. I look, I know that this is a game where it really is a coin toss.

I'm just gonna go with the home team and I'm going to see. And I don't think Marcus Mariota is a scrub. So I'm going to take the commanders to get in the points with the Bears at home. Bill will go to his third pick now. Let's get into Bill's third pick. I'm going to take the fucking Seattle Seahawks getting nine. That's almost double digits. Why not?

Por que pa? All right, there you go. Bill takes the Seattle. Bill is, you know what? Bill always picks, it's funny. We've been doing this show for a few years and there are certain teams that we just kind of migrate to and And Seattle is always one of Bill's. Green Bay is kind of always one of mine. Oh my God, that fucking Titans-Lions line

is ridiculously high. I mean, you're starting the game as an NFL team with 11 and a half points, and I'm still scared of it. That's how bad the Titans are and that's how good the Lions are that I don't even want to fucking touch that. How nuts is that? That any other game you'd be like, oh my god. All right. This is where it gets tricky. Okay. And here's my philosophy. Tonight's game is an interesting game and here's why. Okay? Vikings just lost their first game in not good fashion either. They were winning 10-0 and then all of a sudden the Lions figured something out and they beat them up pretty good. And Sam Darnold was throwing picks and doing things. The Rams have Cup back tonight.

They got the other kid. What's the other kid? Puka Nakua. They got Nakua, they got Cup. The Vikings are either gonna have a big bounce back game or they're gonna have the two losses in a row and ESPN and everyone's going, did people figure out the Vikings?

It's a tough one. Yeah. It's a tough one. Yeah, it's a tough one. Now, another game to Tunga, Vialoa. Is he playing this week? He is. I think that's why the Miami Dolphins are favored as well. And that line keeps coming out. I'm going to take the Miami Dolphins. I'm gonna take the, I'm gonna take, you know what?

The, what's it called? The Marvel characters all come back. I mean, I don't know what I'm talking about. I tried to do the Disney thing. Now I'm trying to do the superhero thing. I'm just saying the captain of their team, the leader of their team is back. I think that they're gonna be psyched that he's back and feel like they can get on track. I don't like to have a point at all,

but I'm gonna just say at home, the Dolphins find a way to win the game, maybe even win the game big. Is Well Waddell and Tyree killer both in Waddell's questionable but I would expect him to play Tyree will be in I'm gonna take the Dolphins with their quarterback back rallying around him minus three and a half in South Florida there's my third pick solid what do you got, Bill? What do you got from Paris, Bill? Then I'm going to take the 49ers, lay in four against the Cowboys. They're at home. I think they lost to Kansas City. I traveled last week on Sunday and then the last one is shit who the hell was it was the

Patriots Seattle Seahawks the 49ers god damn it who else was I taking do you know miss you all right those are my four Paul I tried to stay out of your lane I didn't I didn't take any of the teams that you've been going with. Okay, here's my thing. The trap game for the week, I feel, is whatever's going on with that. I don't like that Falcons-Tampa game. I don't like that at all. Tampa's just been kicking everybody's fucking ass and all of a sudden they're underdogs

against the Falcons. Jake the Snake, is somebody hurt? Oh, Bill is going with the banged up. What's the line on that game for? For prime time Billy. This is the Cowboys season right here, right now. The Cowboy, you know things are bad when the Cowboy fans are outside in the

parking lot yelling and throwing things at the best player on defense. Did you see that? There was a dude in the parking lot and Parsons was coming out and Parsons, the guys just throwing stuff going, you suck and Parsons yelling. We, you know, we're angry too. It's a mess in Dallas, dude. That's that's your owner's calling into radio stations, not just once, but twice. Right. That's true. When the owner is yelling at a radio station, dude, it's not good.

Yeah. Don't tell me that'd be my job. Crazy. I've never on this show. Okay. This could be history here. Never in the three and a half seasons of doing this show on Bed in MGM have I picked against my New York Giants. I don't think I have.

I don't think I could bring myself to do it. Yeah, I don't think you did either. No, if anything, I picked them when they were going to lose. And I'm going to bring myself to do it. Yeah, I don't think you did either. No, if anything, I picked him when they were going to lose and I'm going to tell you what fellas I'm not going to do it now either. I should do it now. Part of me is

going. I kind of like the Giants getting six and a half. I know that sounds nuts but I'm not going to touch it and this is where I have a problem because I'm having a hard time with this fourth and final pick. I am. Paul, just take the Giants money line. Just make a point, Paul.

Just make a point to everybody. What did the Jags lose last week? No, they played New England and London. They won. Yeah, they killed them. I don't remember what the score was, but yeah. That's Bill's strategy is fade the Patriots week, and it's worked out so far. Yeah, it was 32 to 16.

Oof. Geez. Yeah. 32 to 16, Jags won? I went 4-0 last week, Paul, just picking obvious teams that are gonna lose. I was like, I could just pick the Gents, after going 1-3 the week before, I was like, you know what? The Saints are gonna lose the Patriots are gonna lose the Falcons are gonna lose. Maybe not that obvious and then the Panthers Excuse me the Eagles against the Giants. Yeah, it all seems obvious in hindsight for all seems obvious Well, that's what I needed. I needed not I need After trying to get cute the week before picking the fucking Broncos should Should I go head to head with him with that? I kind of I kind of see what you're saying Paul because the Cowboys season is definitely on

the line and the minors are really banged up but it's also probably hard to pick the Cowboys because of their quarterback. So that's my I think I beat Bill on the first head to head we did this year. I think that was week one. I don't know is early. I think I'm going to go head to head with him here. And I think I'm going to take the Buffalo Bills are the Buffalo Bills coming off a bye week. Um, no, they played Tennessee. Well, I guess sort of a bye week then. But played their fancy. They started that game down too. I know that was funny. What came down? They started the game behind and everybody was looking at the score going, oh my god, is this really happening? But they ended up crushing them. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry to take, sorry, I'm taking so long.

This is really tough, man, because the four and a half with the Jags, I don't like, these lines are like right perfect, of course. And then it just comes down to, are the Buffalo Bills a better team than, are the Buffalo Bills a better team than the Seahawks? And they also have Amari Cooper right now right? Yeah. I'm going to take the Buffalo Bills minus three.

I think they have a better team. I think they probably don't like the start they got off to against Tennessee last week. So they're probably going to try to get after the Seahawks fast. And here's the deal. Do you like Josh Allen more than you like Geno Smith? Although Geno Smith is good, the answer to that question is yes. So I am going to go head to head with my partner here on the show and I am going to take the Buffalo Bills for my fourth and final pick,

minus three to beat the Seattle Seahawks in the fake noise stadium. I forgot about that. What'd you say? I forgot about that whole scandal. That's funny. But Seattle Seahawks in the fake noise stadium. I forgot about that. What'd you say? I forgot about that whole scandal. That's funny. Yeah, I don't know. But so those are my, let me just get this straight.

What I got, I got the dolphins. I have the Buffalo Bills. I have the Atlanta Falcons. And I have commanders. And I have the commanders over the Bears getting points. All right, you know what? I'm shaking on one, maybe two. The other two I think I like. So we'll see what happens. You never know, man. I'm two games back. I'm two games back. You never know what happens. And dude, tonight's game is going to be a a good one I wish we could have done I

wish we could have done something as a show with tonight's game but let's get into the Monday night special if anybody's looking at props on that that time tonight's game I would go Cooper Cup over over I would just take him at at every level he's gonna I think it was I He's gonna, I think it was, I set the line with, I think it was 10 on receptions. I mean- Oh, for receptions. Well, that's a lot of receptions, but I see.

No, I don't think he's gonna get 10 receptions. I would look at yardage like you're saying though. I think that's- Well, I like yardage, obviously, but I'm saying you can look at receptions too, because he's gonna be going to, what else is he gonna do? But I think also, I don't know if a coach wants to work can look at receptions too, because he's going to be going to what else is he going to do? But I think also, I don't know if a coach wants to work a kid like that right when he

gets back. I don't know though, you never know. But like, I know like Malik neighbors, when Malik neighbors came back, he was targeting, you know, he ended up with like four catches for like whatever 41 yards or whatever, after getting like 13, 14 targets at the beginning of the season. But you never know. But here's the thing, Cup opens it up for the other guy too and vice versa. So, you know, if there was like a way you could do it. It was six and a half, not 10. Oh, that's a six and a half. Yeah. Six and a half.

Yeah. Cause the other kids are going to eat too. But let's get into the Monday night special. This week's Monday night special, we have the, my, my don't ever forget this, listen to me. I know we're doing bad. I got my Eli Bobblehead, my two ring Eli Bobblehead. And listen to that. My New York football giants, they were in some games. Their records should be better,

but I know coulda woulda shoulda. And they looked God awful. Without Andrew Thomas at left tackle tackle the New York Giants Could not block anybody. It's amazing how that left side completely collapsed on Jones with one guy out But that tells you if if one guy's gonna do that, it means you don't have the personnel It's just because you got to get it You got to be able to put another guy in there to pick up the slack just didn't do it But I like the Giants with the points.

Do I think the Giants are gonna win the game in Pittsburgh, gun to my head, no. Do I think the Giants could lose the game by five, three, yes. But let's have fun with it. Let's do, let's have fun with it. Let's do a parlay without picking the game. Can we do that? Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. the game. So let's have fun with it. Let's do let's have fun with it. Let's do a parlay without picking the game. Can

we do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. What do you want to do? Total totals are thirty six and a half thirty six and a half. I mean that you have no idea what you're doing there. I mean if the Steelers put up points Russell William Wilson

can move the ball then and you know will bet MGM allow us will bet whatever we want. All right, because because this year, everybody's parlay is a la carte, however they want. All right, so we'll put together an a la carte thing. I say the New York Giants. I mean, I want to the we are the number one defensive line sacks wise in the league. I think we have 29 or 30 something sacks in the league. Our defensive line can stop Russell Wilson because I don't think he runs the way he used

to run. I think that's a fair statement. Because I think if Russell Wilson, they even said last week, if he was able to run the way he could run, he had some opportunities. Man, can we do giant sacks? Can we do like the giant sacks an available thing? Because I think they'll do three or more. I think they'll do three. But if we can't do that, we don't have to do that. I think what you're describing is definitely probably under if it's 36 and a half, because

you know the Steelers defense is going gonna get to Daniel Jones throughout the game And if you think the Giants defense is gonna slow down the Steelers, you know, maybe they it's like It's like a you know, 24 The 10 kind of game. I don't know or something like that or maybe the Giants cover and it's like a little bit less Like a 17 13 type of game and it's like a little bit less like a 17-13 type of game. If you think the Giants can play well. You know, the odds are good too. Like I could see the game 26-20.

You know, it's one of those games, I think. I think it's gonna be one of those games. And listen, other than Philadelphia and the Vikings week one, the Giants were in striking distance of every game they played. If they had a kicker, they had a kicker, they have two more wins. I really believe, I'm not just saying that. If the Giants have a kicker, they have two more wins than they have right now.

I believe that. Well, the Commander's game for sure. That is factual. The Commander's game, it never happened in history where a team had three touchdowns and another team had none, and the team that had none won. So definitely the Commander's, but I also think too also think to the cowboy game they were right there I don't know this is tough do you want to do by the way by the way what's up oh my god how do we know we almost forgot I know you're gonna I know where you're gonna go hit the Monday night special two weeks in a row. Did you know that, Andrew? We hit three, by the way, this is going into week eight.

Out of seven weeks, we hit the Monday night special three times and the last two in a row. So if you guys were rocking with us, where it's ironic that it's not up on the site, but that's what you gotta do. You gotta rock with us right now. I think we do this. Let's get a little crazy with this. Okay. Let's get a little crazy with this. Since we did win the Monday night special the last two weeks in a row, let's take the Giants with the points,

not saying the Giants are going to win, but let's take the Giants getting six and a half. Actually, Andrew, how about this? Can we tease that to seven and a half? I'll say, why don't you tease that in the total? Yeah. Tease the, I would just tease that the full six and then, yeah, I would go plus 12, giants plus 12. No, it'll be plus 12 and a half. Same difference, I guess. Say it again. It'll be giants plus 12 and a half. Same difference, I guess. Say it again. It'll be Giants plus 12 and a half. I think it's plus 12. It spreads six right now. Because it's six, yeah. Oh, I have six and a half. Oh, no. Yeah, sorry. The updated line of six is six. It moved to six this morning.

Oh, so that means a lot of people are taking the Giants. Okay. I was going to say, the shot money's on the line. Well, that means a lot of people are taking the Giants. Okay. Hey, a lot of people are taking the Giants. Right now, uh 97% of the money line bet is on obviously money line bets on on uh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What about the money line? That makes sense. 87% on the over. Really? That's a lot. I don't like that. Over and then let's see under over. Thirty-six and a half. that's why Jake was saying if we just tease that up six you just six you want to lower you want to lower it and then go over yeah 30 points in a fuck hell yeah I guess you're right yeah

in an NFL game that would be a really low yeah that I see what you're saying because if you get it down from 36. Yeah. Take it down from 36 to 30. Right. Thursday night games can be a little trickier with that because teams are on less rest. Actually, yeah. Well, yeah. Thursday night games or Monday night games because, oh no, yeah, that's right. I keep thinking we're doing the Thursday night games.

Sorry. I'll also tell you this. There's going to be a defensive, I think. There's going to be a defensive score or a big defense. This is a game where a defense is going to make a play, either get somebody pinned in the red zone. I think I like it teasing down. So let's do this.

Let's take the Giants getting 12 in a two team tease. We'll take over 30, okay? And then should we throw one more in there? Should we say... Do you want either of them to throw a, like, well, who do you think's more likely to turn it over, in your opinion, the Steelers or the Giants? Maybe we just use the-

It's tough because both defensive lines cause so much shit. You know, it could happen to, you know, like Dexter Lawrence could, Dexter Lawrence or Brian Burns could, you know, knock it out of Russell's hands the Giants weak left side could make you know make the Pittsburgh do it so I think that we don't have to go turnover maybe we just go who do we think is going to score who do we think is definitely going to score in this game? Maybe maybe George Pickens or Naja On offense on defense. I don't know. It's always hard to predict if any of them are gonna score on defense Who's who's score? I mean, I guess neighbors on the Giants. I you know who I like who you guys have their running back now

Tracy I like Tracy Tracy Yeah, Tyrone Tracy the third I. I love that kid. Yeah. I mean, we can do, I think neighbors, neighbors is going to be the target, but so is Pickens. So we could just pick one of those. What do you think? I like Pickens. I like Pickens a lot. Russell Wilson was throwing it at him and in that last game. But that's, that's I'm not going to go in it Adam over thirty in the same time. How about we make it easier and follow maybe we do Russell Wilson or or Jones to throw

a touchdown. Would you rather do that? Take the odds hit. I'd take a running back touchdown over a passing touchdown in this game. But I mean Russell Wilson, I think you're better off with him than Daniel Jones, especially in the red zone. But. Okay, if you want to do Russell to throw one. Yeah. Well, what are the odds on that Andrew maybe it's like worse than picking yeah, it's over Well, once you get into parlay territory adding any bet we'll bring it up, but obviously not as much so Passing touchdowns Russell Wilson over one and a half is plus 150

That'd be too You're right. That's right That's just what they're giving out and then Daniel Jones and Let's get crazy and fun with this one. You know, Bills in Europe, he would, what's that? I'd do over a half, over at least one or over a half of an interception for both QBs. You were talking about QBs before. I would consider that. So wait a minute. So what does that mean?

So that means that we'll all, either quarterback throws one? We need both to throw one, one interception, which I don't see. Daniel Jones doesn't throw, Daniel Jones doesn't, I mean, I know he did last time. He scrambles first, I know. He doesn't really throw interceptions unless it's like a bad read. I mean, he, yeah, yeah, I mean, look. It's weird, it's like Daniel Jones is one of those where you'll know in the first quarter if he's like on and you'll be like, he, he's good. Or he could fucking be a mess.

Um, what about if we did, what if we did this, what if we pick a quarterback and a receiver, cause if they throw it to it, like what if we did Daniel Jones to throw one to Malik neighbors? So Malik neighbor catches one, Daniel Jones throws one, cause that's who he's going to throw it to. Do you know what I mean? Or like Russell to Pickens. That's who he's going to throw it to.

So, so then basically what we're doing is we got the tees and if we hit the tees, we just need the quarterback to throw to their guy for a touchdown on Monday Night Football. It's Monday Night Football, right? Monday Night Football, yeah. Right. It's Monday Night Football, man. These guys, does Malik Nabors catch a touchdown on his Monday Night Football debut. I say a 1000% he does. All right. Let's roll with it. Let's roll with it. Let's let's just do Malik then because then you don't have to worry. Well, I guess obviously it'd be the same. So yeah, I'm with it. Let's let's let's roll. Listen, we did it three. We did it. Yeah, you guys are hot this year, man. I love it. We have three of them, man. Last year, I think we didn't we didn't hit

one or we'd hit one. So, so let's do that. Let's do Giants getting 12 over 30 Jones to throw one neighbors to catch one. All right. That's got to make somebody make get six 700 bucks, right? Oh, yeah. And what are those

odds? Andrew? Um, well, because I'm not in the proper state, it won't actually give me the odds. But repeat it again, I'll do the math. It's you got Daniel Jones to throw one. Malik neighbors to catch one. Over 30, so that's minus. And then the Giants to cover the 12 in the teaser.

Cover the 12, that'll bring it down. It was over 30, Still doing the over 30. Daniel Jones, Malik Neighbors. I think that over 30 is a really smart play, by the way. That was a really good way to look at that number. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta be at least four to one, especially with that, yeah.

All right, so that's a fun Monday night special. You have Bill's picks, which is the Jets, 49ers, Seahawks and who? Panthers, Panthers. And you have my picks, the Dolphins, Commanders, Bills and Falcons. So there you go. Those are the picks for week eight. Bill will be back next week. And there you go. I mean, I don't know anything else we have. Well, actually, I was saying, got any ideas thoughts?

What? Yeah. Oh yeah. Let's do that for a second. We would talk about the World Series for five minutes. Look, me and Jake, the snake, about it before we went recording. I think it's such an even lineup with Otani, right? Mookie Betts, Freddie Freeman, then you have Juan Soto, Aaron Judge, John Carlos Stanton. We do have Gleyber. I will tell you this, I think when, I think the Yankees have a tiny edge with the bats, I'm saying this, if all is perfect in the world and everybody is hitting. I think John Carlos Stanton makes a difference cuz he's just a power hitter that could just get a three run shot anytime. But so can Otani, I think Jake is right.

It comes down to the bullpen. I think this is a very evenly matched World Series. I think this is probably the best World Series, best case scenario for the MLB. I think you got the West Coast, you got the East Coast, you got the Yankees, Dodgers, old rivalry. Nobody would have cared about giant, believe it or not, nobody would have cared about Yankees Mets because when it was Yankees Mets, it was a regional, people think they care, nobody really cared.

You got- It's like the lowest rated World Series in history. Yeah, you got like the West Coast, California going against the East Coast, New York. You got Otani Judge, two sluggers. I think it's great. I think it just comes down to what you said, bullpins starting pitching, but I will say this,

Gary Cole, tomorrow night night has to get game one for the Yankees as our ace because I think if we lose that start and lose that game, especially not having home field, it's bad for the Yankees. The Yankees need to bring home field back and the way to do that is obviously you gotta get one. And I think getting the first one.

So it should be a great World Series. It's stress that I don't need in my life. I don't need it. The Knicks, my New York Knicks got absolutely torched in game one of the ring ceremony of the Celtics. I'd never seen it. By the way, I gotta talk about this for a second. They were like, oh, this is like a video game.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Video games won't hit shots like that. I have never in my life seen a basketball team this like a video game. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, games with three pointers at 29. And then the whole fucking TD garden is chanting one more three to do and they went all for 13 on their last 13 in the biggest three point game ever. It was wild. So in a weird way, they left slightly disappointed, which was the only thing that I could take because it was such a beat down. The the the Knicks look confused. They asked Josh Hart, they said to Josh Hart,

they go, hey man, what'd you think? He's like, yo, check them for drug use, man, because I never seen some shit like that. So between the Knicks now, wanting to watch the Knicks bounce back, okay? My daughter's volleyball games, which I have to go to today, which the level of stress at that,

you guys have no idea, until you've been to six through eight grade girl volleyball games, it's the most intense shit. I gotta video it. I gotta video it and put it on the show because every point is a Super Bowl win and every non point is not, and it is so intense.

And now I have the Yankees going against the Dodgers and I'm gonna be performing at the stand in New York City tomorrow. And that game is going to be on in the green room so there's gonna be there's stress everywhere I just want to sit down relax do my shows there's stress everywhere go Yankees go Giants go Knicks and there you go and I know for you Jake you're going for the Dodgers and the and the Chargers this week yeah and you you got the Celtics at least no matter what's going on in your world, you got the

Celtics, dude. I'm enjoying, listen, I, you know, Pedro's like, yeah, I mean, I'm just, I'm enjoying seeing what's happening here. I think it'll be a whole different team in two years for better or worse, hopefully for better. Yeah, hopefully for better. Yeah, I mean, it can't get much worse. But no, I mean, yeah, no, I'm okay.

Listen, I'm enjoying the NFL. I'm enjoying all these games. Every complaint about, you know, it being a wacky season, I just think it's more, all these games are just way more fun. Not making a lot of money. I went seven, eight, six parade and an 18 parlay going on Monday night. I thought, you know, I thought I had that, thought I had some money, but now nothing. Looking at first touchdown tonight, Aaron Jones.

So I'm looking at tonight, but we'll see, we'll see. Yeah. See what we got. And listen, guys, if you're watching and you're taking our picks, the Anything Better show is strong right now. We are alive and well, we're coming back. You know, we're right there. We're right there in middle of the season. We're in mid-season form.

Jake, Jake, do you want to throw out what picks you like so far this week? Jake and I usually submit our picks right after the show, but Jake, you already got yours and we got a minute. Yeah, I'm finally rounding the corner here. I was just getting killed in the first month of the season, but similar to Paulie there I'm heating up in October. I hate to fade Paulie in October too, but I'm doing it twice. Unfortunately, I got the Cardinals I like the three and a half I know two is back But I just don't believe in Miami at the moment and then I got the Bears

I think we discussed a little bit earlier I just don't believe in Miami at the moment. And then I got the Bears. I think we discussed a little bit earlier, but I just think their defense is really solid. And then I was surprised when we took this team. I love the Packers this week. I think the Jackors are hapless as the show would say. And I think Green Bay looks really good right now. And Jordan Love has played spectacular.

So I think they would cruise that one. And then I'm running with Paul on the Buffalo Bills. I just think they're gonna start incorporating Mario Cooper a little more. And then Seattle looked kind of fraudulent in some of these games, but they had a nice bounce back win last week. And it's tough to win in the fake crowd

in the West Stadium, like Paul was saying, but I like Buffalo there. So those are my four. I like those. I like those. And look, yeah, I mean, Miami's- Kenneth Walker's the only thing that gets in the way of the Bills, a complete blowout. Kenneth Walker's just been pounding right through the line.

So, but I- Yeah, I mean, look- I think Miami is a coin toss. I think Tua can come out and light it up and be great. And all of a sudden Miami's back or you go, oh shit, like, and you worry about the kid's health. You hope the kid doesn't take a hit, you know, you, you, you know, but he wouldn't be in an NFL game if his, if his head wasn't, if they didn't, you know, feel like, you know, I just hope that for the love of God, the kid doesn't get another concussion. And if he does, it's in like five years. Do you know what I mean? Like, I just don't want the kid to get another one because that that's another one for him would have to be people that love them to sit down

and go, Hey, dude, let's, let's get a couple dealerships in Miami. And let's let's end this thing. Yeah, I can't believe he's not wearing the Guardian cap either. I was going to go to Tampa, but those injuries like we talked about took took me off of it. And so I had to find a new fourth team. I really liked Tampa before the injuries because I don't buy Atlanta. But like now that, I mean, like you were, like we talked about with those injuries.

I feel like my picks could go, I don't like these weeks. And I don't like to say this, but I feel like my picks could go four and oh, oh and four. But listen, it's the NFL dude. You never know, you could go two and two, one and three, whatever it is. What dude you never know you could go two and two one three whatever it is what do you got Andrew? I gotta look at a few more things Oh yours aren't done yet alright

yeah you usually say you just send them to you guys before last season I picked the Thursday night game like every week just because I like picking Thursday night games but yeah guys that's why the kid is the brains behind the show that's why Andrew Thamles is the brains behind the show. He waits, he waits. You know what he does? He sits in his quarters in Beverly Hills

and he listens to us dummies. He listens to us dummies and he takes it all in and then he evaluates and then he looks and he makes his decision later. And that's why he does well. I know what you do. You're the Greek freak. That's what you do.

Listen, listen. I always say this, if I had put money on the teams that I pick in this, I'd probably be doing better, but I'm more of a, you know, six leg parlay guy. But all right, everybody, there you go. Those are the picks for myself, for Bill, for Andrew, for Jake.

Guys, download the Bet MGM app. It's the best sports, it's the best book out there, man. We love working with those guys. All you got to do for $1,500 in bets, all you got to do is put a deposit of up to $10 in your account. And if the bet loses, you'll get $1,500 back in bonus bets. It's pretty great and all you have to do is use our code. It's a simple code. It's Burr, B-U-R-R.

You put that code in for the show and you will get those benefits and you also have the first touchdown offer. Any NFL game you pick the guy that's gonna get the first touchdown and if they don't, in fact, they get the second touchdown, you will still get your stack back at the end. So there you go, guys. Thank you guys so much for listening to the Anything Better podcast for our picks for week number eight.

On behalf of, you know, Andrew Thimless, Jake the Snake, Bill Burr, I'm Paul Burzy. We will see you guys next week for week number nine. As we always say on the show, guys, I know we talk betting and we talk gambling and all that stuff. Please one thing we really do on the show is what we want is you to be responsible, bet responsibly, have fun, you know, and and enjoy it the way we enjoy it. We'll see you next week. Enjoy the week of football. So I travel a lot, I mean a lot, perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my

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