Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-27-16

Episode Date: October 28, 2016

Bill rambles with guest Joe Rogan about killing Elk, killing Bears and Joe's new special Triggered.

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And today we have the great Joe Rogan. Hey! Fucking Grand National Champion at Taekwondo. sitcom star fucking reality show commentator, right across from Elkhunner, wild boar hunter. Fucking, I don't know what a fucking conspiracy theory, fucking whatever you want. This guy is his own fucking entity, and he has a brand new killer special on Netflix entitled Triggered. Please welcome Joe Rogan. Thanks Bill Burr.

What's going on? Long time coming, dude. I know. Long time coming. I love your show. I have like- And you've been on mine a bunch of times, so it's cool to be on yours. But you're a big like interview guy.

I'm like a fucking lunatic who just sits in the corner of his house and every once in a while my wife walks by. I love the style that you do, because it's very unique, you know? I've done a couple like that where I answer questions and stuff like that, but it's a very unique style of, you know, I think it lends itself really well to stand up and to developing bits too. I just didn't want to deal with having a like book. Like you're fine. You're simple. You're like, hey, come down to my studio.

Perfect. You know what I mean? But like, I just didn't want to- I saw what other people were going through like, oh, I got an audition. Can we make it four o'clock? And I was just like, I don't want to fucking deal with that stuff. But if everyone could be a guest like yourself. Can I start with the elk thing?

Yeah. Because I am fascinated with hunting. I think it's badass. I think everybody should know how to do it. And I'm not one of the- I am an animal lover, but I'm not going to be that hypocritical one that fucking eats chickens that had their fucking beaks clipped off and they got the, the roided out Mark McGuire breastplate and they're tipping over in the coops, all that shit that you see. And then I'm going to be like, oh, look at you shoot a fucking pheasant or whatever the hell you're shooting out there. But I retweeted a picture of you got this.

What was it? You said it was a 12-pointer? Well, how do you say six and six? Well, it's a six by six they call it. A six by six elk. It's a six by six. All right, so that means- It's a big elk.

That was the- I've shot three elk. That's the biggest one by far. That one was monstrous. It was huge. It's a whole elk. This is the thing that always fascinates me about hunting shows is the nervousness and the whispering. Before you take the shot, they're always like, okay, there it is. Yeah.

Just relax. Okay, exhale and just relax. Like if you miss, I mean, is the fucking thing going to come running at you? No. That's what it seems like because it doesn't- You try not to spook it because you have to have it close enough for you to shoot it, depending upon how you're shooting it. If you're shooting it with a bow and arrow, you got to be real close. You got to be inside of 60 yards most of the time.

Bow and arrow is badass. I shot one with a bow and arrow. That one out there, the big one I shot with a rifle. Dude, a bow and arrow. That's, that's, to me, that's the shit. I saw Ted Nugent. He shot a fucking bear, you know, which I could never do. I fucking love bears.

There's certain animals, but you know what I mean? Bears are interesting. I've shot bears. You shot a bear? I eat bears. I'll get you some bear sausage. I can't eat a bear. I've shot three bears with bow and arrow.

I can't eat a bear. They're good. And if you knew about the bears- Dude, I bet you are delicious. I bet you are delicious. You're like a fucking sirloin. Well, we look at bears. No, not even a filet mignon.

You got like no fat on your- Well, filet mignon is like tender and juicy. I've always felt that about you, Joe. We think of bears, I think, very incorrectly. Because you know what the word anthropomorphization means? When you put human characteristics in animals like a yogi bear and shit like that. Or you make them ride a bicycle at the circus.

Yes. We have this idea that bears are these cute things. But where my friend lives in Alberta where I hunt, they literally have to shoot them. Because they don't have any predators. So if bears don't have any predators and they just breed and they keep breeding, and then they decimate the moose population, the elk population,

and they cannibalize each other. That's the thing that most people- So they kind of handle it in-house? Sort of, but they eat babies. That's what they do most of the time. What do you mean, eat babies? They eat their own babies. That guy has sliders.

Little black bear sliders. Well, why wouldn't you? Well, it's brutal to see. You know, we've stumbled across paws and stuff from cubs with the male boars. That's what the ones that you- Let me ask you this. When you just find a baby bear paw in the woods,

a part of your soul has to just fucking- It's got to die or cry out. That's something I never want to see. It's very strange. I do have to admit, though, that bear hunting is not- I don't like it as much as hunting other animals. If I had to choose what animals to hunt- You can eat bear, by the way,

and that's the only thing that I hunt, is what I eat. Black bear. You can eat grizzly bear, but they don't taste good. Most of the reason for that, because grizzly bears mostly eat meat. They eat a few berries. If you can find a grizzly bear that was just eating berries, it would probably taste delicious.

They literally taste like what they eat. Hunters try to go after bears that eat berries, like black bears in particular, in the fall. They'll eat blueberries. They call them blueberry bears, because as you're opening them up, their fat is like a purple color, and it tastes like blueberries,

and apparently it's the most delicious meat in the world. So without them realizing that they're already marinating themselves- Exactly. The flames show up. They're seasoning themselves. But my all-time favorite animals are elk. That's the best.

They taste the best. The best for you. And- You gave me that elk meat, whatever the last time I was on here, and I made a chili out of it, and then the fucking elk burgers, it's a little dry.

Somebody gave me a hint to put a little bit of butter in there to kind of, you know- Yes. You needed something like an egg or something to make it stick together a little bit. You don't want it to cook it too much, because it's super lean. There's no fat in it.

Yeah. No, I put a piece of Swiss cheese and some prosciutto on top. It's fucking insane. You feel good when you eat it, too. It's a powerful food. There's a lot of energy in those. There's so much nutrients in elk.

It's like way more protein-dense, way more nutrient-dense than anything you can get. Plus, they're kind of like- Because they're wild, I know like the human, like, footprint, as they said, you know, acid rain and all the fucking horseshit we do,

but at least it's- I would like to think it's kind of away from the GMOs and all that type of stuff. It's a way as you can get. So- And who knows what GMOs do to you, but like the fresh shit tastes better though. It does taste better.

It does taste better. I mean, GMOs, everything's g- That's a weird word. Like, if you talk to real scientists about GMOs, most of the time, when you talk about GMOs, you're talking to hippies. And like, yeah, man,

you're going to stay away from GMOs. They're genetically modified. It's giving us cancer. It's terrible for the water. But real GMOs is almost everything we eat. Every tomato you eat is genetically modified. Right. They've all been altered.

But corn, all the- We're kind of like guinea pigs to see like what's going to happen. Sort of. But most of it is just splicing. Like, I just found this out recently. You know, when you buy pistachios, there's a place up in Northern California

where they grow pistachios. Is it pistachios or stashios? Either way, pistachios. Stashios. It's been- I don't know who you're talking to. You said it in regal. You did that.

Thank you. Pistachios. Pistachios. And Joe wrote. Pistachio. I like it with tea. Sheld, of course. I don't shell them myself.

I buy shelled pistachios and I feel like I'm cheating because I just take big handfuls of them and shove them in my fat face. No, you can't do that. There's a reason why there's a shell on them because if you don't, you're going to eat a thousand of them.

Yeah. I buy them in these big, like, two-pound boxes and I just pour them in my hands and I eat them. They're good. They're good for you, too. It's kind of guilt-free,

but you feel like you're cheating. You don't have to crack them. I know. I steered you off course so you started talking about tomatoes. So what they were doing when they grow these pistachios, the pistachio trees,

the pistachio bushes are not a big, strong tree. So they graft the limbs of the pistachio tree onto, like, an avocado tree, a thicker, stronger tree. And they grow pistachios on an avocado tree.

Like, what the fuck? But, Joe, aren't we playing God at that point? We are. Well, we're playing God by driving cars, too. We're playing God by flying planes. That shit is, like, first of all,

I thought pistachios came from the ground. I thought peanuts weren't in the ground. Peanuts. I think peanuts are in the ground. Is it pistachio? No, it wasn't... Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer. How did he do it?

Should I ask him? I think it was in the ground. I don't know. I don't fucking know. That's why I want to hunt. Carrots are in the ground. Yes, they are. Worms are in the ground.

Do you grow any vegetables? This is how I was trying to recover that we don't know any shit. Worms are in the ground. Birds are in the sky. Dirt. Yeah. Do I know?

I mean, my... the guy who cuts the grass fucking put him on. So I got tomatoes. I got lemons and limes. But all that did was just make me fucking, like, booze more. Because I'm just...

I totally got into tequila. It's like, there's only so much guacamole you can eat. You're just like, what the fuck else can I do with this shit? So I kind of got into tequila. It's less of a hangover. And, dude, I'm telling you,

you get one of those big square ice cubes. A really nice tequila. You eat just like a Patron Silver. You put that in there and then you go pick a fucking lime off. I'm telling you. It's why you... It's why I live out here.

It's not the showbiz. It's the booze. Well, you don't really have to live out here anymore, right? And especially, like, your podcast, the way you do your podcast, you just rant. Like, you could do that fucking thing.

And you do do it anyway, right? Right. But I also, you know, my wife's in the business, too. Right. So she does acting. She's doing a voiceover today. And so she doesn't have that luxury.

And then also, you know, she would go crazy if I, you know, if I just moved to, like, the middle of fucking... I'm not saying I lived in the middle of fucking nowhere, but I do... When I go on the road,

I always have that urge. Like, when I go to a place and I just start thinking, like, hey, these guys riding around motorcycles, no helmets on. Yeah. And it's just like this...

Look at that lake. They got water here. They got... They got, you know, they got that... It's very lush land. Like, living out here is... It's terrifying.

It's terrifying. Like, what happened to the water in Silver Lake? Where did they take that? They closed it. Was Silver Lake an actual lake at one point? Yeah.

I mean, it was man-made, but the water's all gone. Now they're going to develop it and... Yeah, they said they put it underground. They didn't really say where. It's just,

it's just gone. Yeah, dude, when I fly, that's one of the things that are coming. Then you see Silver Lake and I'm looking down like, where did that parking lot

with the big tarp come from? And the guy was like, oh, that was Silver Lake. Ah, they drained the water. They said they put it underground. It's all like vague. Dude, you know when I was in, I was in Nashville this past weekend

and I was sitting there watching the news during the day and they just go like, oh, and folks, if you're in the downtown area and you see the police doing something that seems a little disturbing, don't worry,

it's just an exercise. And then they continued on and it was just like, you didn't do any follow-up, or there's no more information. An exercise, what are they practicing for? Whatever they're doing is like scary.

Now, I'm not saying they're going to come at us. Is it some sort of anti-terrorism thing? I have no fucking idea what it was, but just the kind of vagueness that they, right before the Dodgers scored the other day, NPR, my wife listens to that shit

and I, you know, make PR. Yeah, NPR. Morning becomes eclectic. If you enjoy the show. Fresh air with Terry Gross. Yeah, there's always those pauses. Now, Joe,

when you first started doing stand-up. You know what I think of? I've discussed this before, but it's kind of important. You know what I think of when I think of those people? Do you know who that guy, John Gomeshi, is? I like NPR,

but it's just so easily to be made fun of. It's easy to drive off the road into a fucking tree when you're listening to it, too. You're just... Oh, yeah. Now, there's a lot of... Droning on.

But that style of talk, which nobody does, that really super-sensitive left-wing style of talk. The guy that was... He did that really well. The main guy that did that was this guy, John Gomeshi, who was on CBC in Canada.

And it turned out, he liked to beat the fuck out of girls when he was having sex with them. He would punch them in the face and club them in the head and it was crazy shit. And one girl came out. What?

Yeah, yeah, and he would do it without asking them. It was like, you know, like, you know... That's a strong move. It's crazy. That's a strong move in the rack. Well, I mean, who knows who's telling the truth? Should I ask?

Because he was kind of acquitted of a lot of it. It was... Because it was very difficult to find evidence on. But does he have the money to get acquitted? You know? Well, that's true. That's a good point. But he was fired

and there was a gang of girls that came out and said he used to beat them up. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Remember that? The guy who does the interviews. Yeah. He talks like this. Bill Burr, so tell me, Bill,

how did you get into... He bugged me one time when I'm not saying all those... I don't know what the fuck he does in his personal life, but Russell Peters was on there. And he just goes like... And he's like,

Russell, you have nine cars. And Russell's like, yeah. And he goes, why? And he just fucking like making him feel bad because he's doing well. He's, you know,

and then Russell had to fucking basically justify it and come up with money and now I can have it and I'm sorry. I fucking made it. Wow. And I like cars.

Wow. Yeah. So, you know... No, I'm not saying he's a twat. That's just saying... Right there. Well, even if he... Right there, that bugged me.

I hate when people fucking do stuff like that. You had to hit somebody. If you get like eight or nine chicks that are saying you beat the fuck out of them while you're having sex. Yeah. Even if you get off... Somebody got cracked.

What is your number? That innocent until guilty? Or how many accusations? Bill Cosby, I gave in around 30. 30? I heard the first time. But we had heard that, right?

I tapped out around seven. Yeah. No, there was rumors of his infidelity. Yes. But I never heard of... The drugging? You never heard that? No, I did.

I heard that. I had heard that. It was like a rumor. It was a rumor that he would drug women. It was a rumor a long time ago. He was... There was a court case that is part of this case from,

I believe it was like 2005. And that was one of the reasons why they weren't allowed to admit that evidence because the judge had made a decision that if he paid this woman off, then it couldn't be admissible in a future trial. But it was all verbal. They didn't get anything on paper.

So once they found out they didn't get this on paper, they're like, well, we're going to admit this. And then the woman came out and then he sued the woman that he gave the money to for a drug owner. The whole thing is very, very sorted.

But with Bill Cosby, I think it's up to like 50 or something crazy. Yeah. So you've got to wonder, out of those 50, there's probably like 12 that are just crazy. Like, he drugged me too. Yeah.

But the fact... But the fact that he'd still be over 30 is just nuts. I think... You know, when all that shit came out about Trump, right? He did this, he did that, blah, blah, blah. It was all pretty pedestrian.

Sort of like, oh, he grabbed my boob and then took me in the back. Just really generic sort of... It's become sort of the cliched story. And then this one woman... So I'm sitting there going like, all right, the Clintons are fucking filthy.

Who knows if they paid these people? Who knows what the fuck's going on? It's right before the... Just when this is coming out. So I was going, all right, we'll see, we'll see. And then finally this woman came on and she goes...

So he made advancements at me. And she goes, I just pushed him away and said, get real. Which is the perfect thing to say, because you're in your 20s, he's like fucking 106.

It's like, yeah, are you serious? So she goes, I said, get real. And then she said, he trusted his genitals towards me and said, get real. Yeah.

And she said that in the way she imitated him. I was in the car with my wife. I said, he fucking did that one. He did that one. There's no fucking way. That is just too specific.

Like I got the creeps of like, get real. I wonder what the logistics are where the legality is rather of the audio tape. Like if you don't know you're being recorded. Like you know you're being recorded

for a show, you're wearing a microphone, but you don't know you're being recorded while you're on a bus and you're talking about grabbing them by the pussy and all that. He's talking to me.

Talking trash. He's talking shit. Yeah, like Joey Diaz would say something like that and I'd be fucking crying, laughing. And he would be egging it up. He would ramp it up. He would make it way exaggerated

because he knows it's funny. He's going for the laugh. Yeah. If you're sitting next to Trump and he's like I just grabbed by the pussy, you'd be fucking crying, laughing. That's why it was just you too.

Billy Bush, I defended him on my podcast. Like I'm not saying the guy's a great guy, but if I were a fucking guy because of a fucking 20-second clip from 11 years ago. What's he supposed to do?

He's interviewing the guy and what you're supposed to do is keep the interviewer happy. Yes. The interviewer happy. So he's like, hey, grab by the pussy. Hey, grab by the pussy.

Yeah. But he's not even saying anything bad. Billy Bush didn't say anything bad. He just did the mushroom. This guy at work said, well, when he said to the woman, go over and give him a hug. He became part of the sexual assault.

And I was just like, what sex? There was no sexual assault. What they were saying if he actually did it was, but the whole thing was just like, you know, I understand when we get

and flip it out about it, as far as obviously just the whole, it would be them. Yes. But what they don't know is the way guys talk when they're not there. Yes.

And I'm just, this fucking shit that we've said, and we say it for fun. Yeah. We don't say it because we really want to go grab someone by the pussy and pick them up like a bowling ball.

Yeah. We say it because it's funny. It's funny. And you just, it's completely ridiculous and inappropriate. Yes. Yeah.

Like Joey, I will say, I will say, if you do have a billion dollars, what I'm learning through Cosby and all these fucking guys is evidently you can do that. And he did say that.

He's going like, you get famous enough. You can just walk up and grab him by the pussy. He's just so absurd to me. I'm like, you can do that. You can't do that.

Well, he's got so much money. You got to think when you get that billion. I don't think that guy could get you six grand in cash if he gave him five weeks. He said this, but I don't think that's correct.

I think he's leveraged out totally. But I'm pretty sure he'd go to the ATM and get six grand. But I know you're exaggerating too. Six grand's a funny number. It's a funny number.

It is funny. Right. I'm just saying, dude, this like liquid rich and your assets are paid off and then there's, I got this

and I'm going to take a loan and I'm going to do this and then I'm going to do that and get some investors here and then I'm going to stick my fucking name on it to build my brand. There's that way

where you're sort of like steroiding up your value. Yes. But at the end of the day, it's like, all right, but what, how much can you get me

right fucking now? Like, I don't get that whole like, well, all my shit's tied up. Right. And I got other guys,

you know, I'm working with. Let me see the zeros. What's in your bank account? Show me your phone. Yes. Is that a sticker? Is that a sticker

that they take off and then they put fucking Mark Cuban on the back? But your woman showing up at his house and you're having, you're supposed to have a business lunch.

You don't know that. You show up, he's got this sprawling estate that looks like a castle. He's got these enormous grounds. He's probably got 50 people working just at his house. There's people greeting you

to take you into these rooms. He comes out in a $10,000 suit. He's got diamonds and Rolexes and everything's beautiful. And you're like, holy shit,

it's Donald Trump. You pay like 80 grand. What is he doing with his fucking hair? Why doesn't he go the way you and I did? You and I recognized it was over.

Because I don't think it was acceptable back then. But it's acceptable. Jordan had to make it acceptable. Jordan made it acceptable. But he made it acceptable for black guys. For white guys.

But he transcended No, Curly Neal of the Globetrotters made it acceptable for black guys. That's right. And then Jordan was just,

you know, everyone wanted to be like Mike. And then when he was at the height, there was black guys and their full head and fucking hair

would shave their head just to look like it was fucking insane. They still do that. Well, what about Yule Brenner? Yule Brenner was the first white guy to rock it

and be a movie star. Oh, yeah. The King and I, Westworld, the original Westworld, not the HBO series. Do you know I tried to buy the rights to that

like fucking 10 years ago? You did? Westworld? Yeah. I don't know what I was gonna buy. I was just like, this is a movie

that someone's gonna want to redo because they're redoing itself because we're not at the point where you can do any of this shit. So it's still in the future.

You could totally, but they wanted like a zillion dollars for it. I didn't realize there was a Michael Crichton book and all that. They wanted like millions and millions.

And I was just like, all right, I'm gonna get it for like fucking 30 grand like a Prius. Have you watched the show? Well, this is the thing. Then the second I sat down

and I watched the show, I just watched the opening credits and I was like, oh, thank God. Thank God I didn't have the rights to that because there's no fucking way I could have pulled that

thing. I've watched the first two episodes. I'm totally in and I've already bugged my agent to be like, dude, I will fucking, the same way when I saw

Breaking Bad, I just like, I watched the first two episodes and I was like, dude, I will carry a tray of meth in the background, whatever you can fucking do.

So I bugged him going like, I'm actually bullshitting. That's all my agenda today. I'm gonna, when I get out of this, when I'm done here and I walk home with my elk meat,

hopefully. I got pounds for you. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and try to get on that thing. And there's actually, there's a couple of actors

in there that I, I've worked with that I'm just psyched that they're on, you know, you see, you see friends of yours that are actually in there

and they're on something that fucking cool. My friend Tate, my friend Tate was on last week's episode, last world. He's on everything though. Tate's,

Tate's been in, I don't know, 100 movies probably, easily 100 movies. I've always wondered if you know when you're, you're doing something great,

shooting it and how they just, all right, now his point of view would do the master back, back, back and do all that type of stuff and you just find yourself walking around,

was it good? Did it, you know, because the camera crew is not saying anything, everybody's fucking quiet and it's, it really comes down though

to, to the editors and the music and they can either take it to the next level or they can, they can make something good look great

and they can take something great look fucking horrific. Well, something start off great and this movie's great. Oh, there's Tate. Like it takes you out of it.

It's like, oh, that's my friend. Like this movie's bullshit. Yeah, people always say, it doesn't, it doesn't take me, it doesn't take me out of it unless I see them like

watching themselves. Like I can't believe I'm in this scene with this guy. Then it, then it like pulls me out but like I, I buy in when I, I'm one of those guys

like I don't like going to horror movies. Like they freak me out. I buy in, I don't give a fuck what the concept is. Like that fucking thing where the lady was like

flipping the light switch off and then turning it on and then flipped it off and saw the thing again and then turned it on and then flipped it off. It was right there. I was literally at home

and my stop fucking turning the lights off. What movie is that? Get out of there. What movie is that? I don't know. Like the movie was coming out and it was like the thing where

she's like, she's like, you know, when you look into a room and you shut the lights off, shuts the lights off and all of a sudden there's this fucking thing there.

Sort of a girl, sort of fucking beastly and it's across the room. So you can't quite see it. Shuts it off. It's there again. Same spot. Turns the lights back on.

It's not there. Shuts it off the third time and it's right in her fucking grill. Yeah. Scared the fuck out of me. Blair Witch. Blair Witch when they were going,

the movie didn't scare me. Ralphie May. They didn't fucking scare me. Fuck him. That movie scared the shit out of me. I saw that movie by myself. I'd done a spot at the Laugh Factory. I went down to Man's Chinese Theater.

The one that Hollywood Galaxy. I don't know if that's still there anymore. Right next door and I saw like the midnight showing of myself, dude. Freaked the fuck out. Was there other people in the theater? Yeah, but nobody I knew

and it was like really sort of like, there wasn't a lot of people there and then that walked through the parking garage. Oh, dude, I was fucking. I was freaked. I saw that movie in Houston, Texas. Chris McGuire and I did a show. We did a show at the old Laugh Stop.

You ever do the old Laugh Stop at River Oaks? Did I do that one? Great club. I think I just, whatever the classic one was that Hicks and all those guys, it had just moved to the new spot. The new spot sucked.

The new spot was not good. But the old spot was amazing and that's where I did my first album. That was, I'm going to be dead someday. I did in 1999. We did a show and then McGuire and I met these kids that worked across the street at the movie theater

and they go, hey, do you guys, we have the keys to the movie theater. Do you guys want to go watch the Blair Witch? Just us? And we're like, holy shit, let's do it. So we left. We had a 10 o'clock show. It's like midnight.

We go across the street. They fucking cook up the popcorn, the whole deal. Gave us free soda, locked the door. You couldn't even do that today. No. It was amazing.

I mean, today everything's digital. The kid spools up the fucking, the reel and everything like that. And we sat down in the theater. It was like three of them and two of us and we watched the Blair Witch and shit our pants. It was awesome.

Oh my God. Josh. The fucking screaming. I still remember that movie. When the kid's staring in the corner. Oh yeah. When they just sort of like went past it. Yeah.

All of that shit were, rather than just showing you on somebody's head off, just the idea. Yeah. When you think of that, Tarantino talked about that where in Reservoir Dogs,

he had one scene where they showed the guy hacking the ear off versus just panning away and hearing the guy screaming. It's just like it was way more fucking disturbing. That ruined that song for me for a long time. Oh yeah.

What song was that? Marvin Nash screaming. Now here's Stephen Wright's voice. Well, I don't know if I'm right. Nah, nah, he's in it. Oh. Yeah. Oh.

That was, that's something too. Stop. Stop. Stop. Remember that when he's fucking. Yeah. He threw. Yeah.

Right. Adding a fun song to a horrific scene. Oh. That was something with that. The powerlessness of just fucking, I can't, I can't, I can't deal with. That's like Scarface. Remember Scarface when they cut the guy up

with a chainsaw, he's tied up in the bathtub. Yeah. And they force Tony Montana to watch. She's getting splattered with blood as they hack his friend up. Yeah. No. That's sad.

That's. My mother took us to see that. She didn't know what it was. Took all of us to see it. And my youngest brother was like nine, I think. And if my mother said after this chainsaw scene, we have to get out of here. I would have been like fine. Cause I've been watching that going, oh, that was really.

I asked my mother years later, she was just like, well. Yeah. I thought at that point, yes, that it might have been a little mature. Mature for your youngest brother. And, but I was laughing. I was going, yeah, but you always took us to cool movies. She goes, and she goes, yeah, she goes, that was a good move. She goes, I'm taking those stupid things.

Like she was against like the whole, uh, she took us to for love of Benji. And Herbie goes to Monte Carlo. And then my parents were just like, we're not fucking sitting through this shit. We're going to go to a movie that we're going to enjoy too. And then I went from that to like stripes and like Scarface. Your parents just said, fuck it. Yeah. Just said, fuck it.

We're going to go out. We're going to go there. Yeah. We're going to see something. Jamie, I'm sweating like a pig. Can you turn the AC on here? Let's, uh, let's get to, um, let's get to what, uh, I wanted to promote here. Uh, you got your standup special triggered coming out.

So first of all, it's all right. Friday. When is it, uh, when is it airing? I don't know what I was saying. I'm saying, where did you shoot it? I shot it. This is where I'm bad as an interviewer. I'm bad too.

Cause I'm trying to think of what I'm supposed to ask you. Let's just go to Fillmore. I want to do it. Yeah. I wanted to do it at a comedy club and, uh, there was like a debate between Netflix and me. Netflix wanted to do it at a huge place. I wanted to do it at a tiny place cause I did my last one at the comedy works in Denver,

which is only like a couple hundred people. And I liked that. I think there's something about when you're sitting in a living room and you're sitting on the couch and watching a comedy special, it lends itself better to being in a, like a club when you're filming it. It feels more intimate. You know, you see like you're on top of the crowd. Let's say it's more like what it would be, like the environment that it would be.

So, uh, we made a compromise. We did the Fillmore theater, which is a fucking really cool theater. And it's only 450 seats. It's pretty small. It's got a high ceiling and it's kind of a big stage and everything like that, but it's a fairly small place. That's cool. But next one I'm going to do in a small place, I think.

I think I might do it at the store next time. You know what's funny is when I went to go do mine at the Tabernacle, you had already been there and did one. So I was like, how am I going to make this different? And I did the Fillmore in 2009. Let it go. I did there. Oh, did you?

Yeah. So I think we're going back and forth. Yeah, we're going back and forth. Where are you doing your new one? Yeah. Uh, I did it last Friday. Oh, you did it? Yep.

I did it at the Ryman in Nashville. In Nashville. Dude, I was just there. I fucking love that place. That place is crazy. They used to do the Grand Ole Opry. Yeah. Uh, Cedric the Entertainer just, uh, did one there.

So I, uh, watched like the opening to his just to see, because I was just like, because then you got to kind of disguise it. So it doesn't look like, oh my God, he's at the exact same fucking place. Yeah. You know, Cedric's, you know, that guy's huge. So I had to make sure I was like, all right, well, we got to try to, you know, he came in with a whole marching band and all that, which is the exact opposite to my style. So I was like, okay, cool.

Cat Williams brought a lion. He brought a lion on stage. That's awesome. I love that guy. That guy's fucking hilarious, man. He's fucking hilarious. I think he's one of the funniest guys alive. And you know, and just having the balls to go on stage with a fucking lion is hilarious.

How do you come? I want to, I wish I was in that fucking pitch meeting. Like, all right, here's the deal. What's the concept? I'm coming on stage with a lion, a lion and a cage, like a stuff for now, a real one. He got so sweaty during the special, he had to stop and change clothes. Is that right? Yeah.

He literally stopped. I'll be right back. And went backstage, changed his fucking clothes, drenched. I mean, it's completely soaked with sweat. Is if they, when they put that HD makeup on and then there's all those lights on you, and then then you're going hard because it's your special and you really want to make sure you're going to get a good one. And then if the fucking AC is a little messed up, if the crowd's all fucking packed in in

the wrong venue, yeah, you can get yourself into a situation. I don't wear makeup on those things. I wouldn't wear it for Comedy Central. I don't wear it for the UFC. I don't wear it for anything. I just like, I don't know. This is what I look like. Yeah, I think it's good.

It came, first of all, from fear factor. When I first started doing fear factor, they wanted, they would put like a little anti-shine on me, a little of this and a little of that. And after a while, I'm like, look, these fucking people are covered in blood. I mean, they've got dirt all over their face and I'm sitting there with makeup on. You have to touch me up in between scenes. You know how ridiculous that is? Yes.

And then we would go from that to the UFC, where people would literally, their faces are getting busted open. They've got giant fucking gashes. It's funny, I never noticed like when I watch you on the UFC, I never noticed like, oh, wow, like he can, he went on TV without makeup. That's so brave. That's such a courageous thing. You just, you look like you.

Well, that's what I look like. You know, I'm just like, I'm not, you know, Mike Goldberg gets it. They spray it on. They got an airbrush. I'm not kidding. They have an airbrush. They do it to everybody. All the ring girls and everything.

They airbrush them. Oh yeah. That's what they do now. I didn't go that far. I got a giant forehead. I got a giant forehead. My giant forehead. Dude, I got you beat, dude.

Do you? You're not in the same weight class. You're not in the same weight class as me. I swear, I'm like crazy on stage. I swear like crazy. I mean, my last special, I looked at it. When I was doing the editing, I'm like, Jesus, I'm a sweaty fuck. Like it just looks ridiculous.

Looks like I'm, like I'm on drugs. Yeah, but you're up there working. Yeah. I mean, you're not like just standing there. So this one, I didn't have any, this last one, I made sure the AC was cranked. Like with each special, I learned something. So I was like, make sure the AC's cranked. Don't fucking cake the makeup on or whatever.

It just shows just a little bit of that. That's all those stupid little fucking things. Don't stick my parents in the front row, please. Stick them just beyond the pale. Beyond the pale. Yeah. And I don't show any audience anymore. I decided no more audience shots.

I never did. Yeah. No audience shots and everything kind of mostly from the waist up, unless you need to see my legs for like a particular thing I'm doing. Yeah. I wanted to be like a monster. Don't give away all your secrets because now I feel like, because there's so many specials coming out, so many fucking specials coming out that, you know, that then it becomes like

you, you have to have like whatever your look is. You know what I mean? I mean, the thing about it is you have such a great act that's going to stand out anyways, but if you can add like your own sort of style of the way you shoot them, that becomes part of your thing. That's another way to try to get it out because, you know, you get on Netflix with the specials, dude. You just, you fucking scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll and scroll.

I guess so. I just wanted it to be like you're watching it, like no cutaways. I don't want cut into the laugh, cut into the ride, cut for no reason. Like, like, there was a director that I worked with once, it was like, you know, we have to cut to the audience, you know, that's how we're going to do our edits. I go, let's just try to do it with no edits. We can't. I go, of course we can.

It's a good show. We could do it with no edits. He's like, no, look, trust me, we're going to do this. I'm like, no, this is my fucking special. Like, I don't even know you. Yeah. Like you're coming in here and you wanted to do all this stupid shit and film the crowd and you know, the people want to know that people are laughing.

I'm like, they're going to hear them laugh and like it takes, in my opinion, it takes you out of it. Bill Cosby himself. I want to watch people. Yeah. Perfect. He sits down for like an hour and 40 minutes, killing. They never, they never go to the crowd.

The background just slowly changes different colors and Guy absolutely murdered. You and I were supposed to go see Bill Cosby in Vegas. We had made like a, we were talking about doing it, but we both flaked and we never wound up doing it. And that's one of my main regrets this day. I would have liked to see him before the stink hit him. I did. I saw it right before.

I met him and then three months later I saw him. Do you remember when he was doing shows still? Like all those women were coming out and he was still doing shows. Like he was still doing shows. He was like, fuck it. I'm still doing them. And he went out and he still did those shows for a little while. I think he thought he was powerful enough to just sort of ignore it and then it wasn't

going to, it wasn't going to come around. But dude, I got to tell you, if you gave me a thousand guests, not a thousand, but if you gave me 200 guests, his name would not be on that list of all the fucking people. Like if you said, okay, there's a comic out there doing this shit. Really? You got your top 20. Well, you'd be like, oh yeah. You know what?

Well, I never heard the rumors. I did hear the rumors. And also, there was a time, I don't- Am I not in the clubhouse? How am I, how am I a comedian this long and I'm not fucking hearing the rumors? I heard it from Hollywood people. I didn't hear it from comics. I heard it from people in the business.

I heard it from like actors and from people that like work on TV show sets. I heard it during the news radio days. I had heard it. Yeah? He was doing it at the show. He was doing it forever. Oh, two people that were on the show. Two people.

Allegedly. Who the fuck knows? But there's something, it was something unbelievable, unbelievably creepy. But after the accusations came out, when he was still doing shows, he would go on stage with one eye looking to the left, one eye looking straight. He developed a dead eye somewhere along the line, right? So he'd go on stage with that weird eye- They cut him some slack.

He's like 90. I know. They haven't felt a grace of God. But he's dying, right? I mean, that's my point. It's like things are falling off the wheels, right? The wheels are falling off the ride and he's got this shirt on, this sweater on that says hello, friend.

And he's on stage and he walks out there and everybody's clapping and cheering. And some guys yell, you're a rapist, you're a rapist. And then, you know, they grab the guy and shuffle him out and then people go, we love you, Bill. And he just doesn't even acknowledge the guy. He's like, just ignore them. Just ignore them. Yeah.

It was something crazy about that. It was like the last, the last sparks before they threw the water on the fire. It was like there was just a little hope. Like, oh my God. The last spark before they threw the gas for me. I mean, his career, I mean, his life, they threw water on him, like, I mean, he's just, it's over. Like, no one's going to go see him live now, right?

I mean, it's kind of over. Doesn't water put out the sparks? Yes. That's what I mean. They threw the water on him. Doesn't that mean they saved him? Yeah. He had a, no, I mean, like he had a moment of like, there was still some sparks in his

career. Oh, oh, oh, okay. I get it. The accusations came out, but he was still doing these shows and people still came out and they're like, we love you, Bill. He's got the shirt on. You've got to explain analogies to me. It's a shitty analogy.

I'm not the brightest guy. It wasn't a good analogy. It was your analogy is probably better, you know, the blowing the flames on the fire. It's like, we almost had it out. Like it was almost... Dude, you know my last flight sort of caught on fire? What? Helicopter flight?

No, no, no. Airplane? Jet, yeah. Flying back from my special Nashville to LA and we got up to cruising altitude. It smelled like burned popcorn. So I was like, did the stewardesses like... I'll fast forward through this because I already told them I think I was like, did they burn the fucking meal or something?

And then it sort of went away, then it kind of came back and I felt this with everybody had the shades pulled down. I felt like we were starting to descend and then it felt really like they felt like the wing shaking and shit. And I was like, oh, wow, man, like there must be some turbulence. I thought it was just descending to go underneath it and then go back up again. You know, I could get a little bit smoother air here. Sorry about the bloody ride.

I thought he was going to be doing that shit. Never said a fucking word. And then all of a sudden, like, my drink that was in the little middle armrest started sliding forward like it was going to fall onto the floor and I'm like, oh, fuck. And then the stewardess came up, she goes, yeah, we're going to be landing here shortly so I have to take those drinks, all right? And then the woman next to me... So you landed premature?

Oh, yeah. We only 50 minutes into the flight from Nashville to LA. My favorite thing was the woman next to me takes her headphones off. She's like, are we here already? Thought we were just fucking... Thought we were on the Concorde. I was like, no. So what was on fire?

I don't know. I don't know what it was. I was thinking, like, oh, fuck, is it going to be something in somebody's bag, like the luggage or shit, or some shit, like that value jet, something caught on fire underneath there and like... My whole thing was when we were going down, I wasn't nervous because he had full control of the plane, maneuvering it and all that. And I just knew, like, yeah, if you smell smoke, the procedure is land immediately.

So that's what he's doing. And we're 30,000 feet up, so he's going to land quickly. That's the shaking. That's fine. I feel us making turns and banks. Everything's working. But my whole thing is, you know, I don't know anything about planes, but I'm just like, if it burns through the wrong wire, if the hydraulics, like, what the fuck's going to happen?

So, yeah, we came into a landing in Little Rock and we came in, like, over this river and I couldn't see the runway because you can't see straight. So I'm just looking out the side and I just see this fucking river and we seem to be following it. That's something like, is he going to sully this thing and fucking send us into the water? Oh, Jesus. And I was already thinking, and you know what's going to happen?

The front part of the plane is going to get fucked up, so that door is not going to open. So I'm going to fucking fight past these first-class people into coach. You know what I mean? Where real people work. So they're going to be out and muscle me as they get through this job. I'm going to be fucked. If we use the first-class door, I can take out the chick next to me. I'm fine.

Half the people are going to be unconscious anyway, just from the stress and the impact. Do you know what was hilarious was the woman across the aisle of me was totally freaking out because, unfortunately, her dad, I guess, had died in a plane crash. So she was totally, like, totally fucking hyperventilating to the point it was making me angry, like how fucking freaked out she was. What kills me is she's totally freaking out about that, but I swear to God, dude. Like, 10 minutes earlier, barefoot walked in, used the bathroom, and came back out. Like, that doesn't scare her.

That doesn't scare her, but a fucking couple of lights on in the cockpit, you know, and the smell of burnt popcorn. Now she's freaking out. Barefoot. What the fuck happened to her? Barefoot in the bathroom is a new thing. I've been flying for 20 years. I've never seen it.

It started with socks, and now it's fucked. Socks are even fucking worse. It's like you absorb it. You're soaking pissed. But whatever happened to women, were they decided to wear shoes that hurt? Like, what? They always have. But what the fuck is that about that it's such a bizarre choice?

That's because of their lack of power. They couldn't get a good job. You know what I mean? Believe me, if it was switched the other way, if you made a doll lesson now, you couldn't imagine the shoes you'd be wearing right now, Joe. A doll lesson now. Do you know that that's not true? Do you know that that whole thing about the gender disparity, the wage gap, is not true?

Do you know what that actually is? It's choices and jobs. It's not job for job. Like, if you were an engineer and you're working next to a woman, she wouldn't be making 70 cents to your dollar. It's bullshit. It's a lie. And it's one of those propaganda things that they like to tout out.

And you heard fucking Obama talk about it, Sarah Silverman talked about it when she was trying to get Hillary Clinton elected. It's a weird thing that people keep repeating, but it's not true. I thought she was with Bernie Sanders. I thought Sarah Silverman was with Hillary Clinton. I thought it was initially Bernie Sanders. Maybe she was. Then everybody jumped ship and went fucking Hillary, including Bernie, who then fucking

endorsed Hillary. I was just like, why would you do that? Maybe you're right. There goes your credibility. You might be right. It might be Bernie. She was endorsing. But it's that thing that they say that's just not true.

What it is, it's two factors. One, there's the less hours. Women tend to work less hours. They also tend to take risks. Because they're lazy. Well, they just have kids for the most part. I'm joking. I'm joking.

One for the laugh. One for the laugh. There's a bunch of other factors. They're less crazy, less ambitious. They don't have as much testosterone. Obviously, it's fucking crazy. Men are willing to work themselves into the grave. When they're working side by side doing the same job, there's almost no disparity at all.

There's a few jobs where men get paid more than women, but it's not much. It's certainly not 70 cents to the dollar. This is one thing that gets touted out over and over again by people, but it's just not true. I had no idea. Look, I had a friend of mine who, I got an argument about it. We were talking about divorce, where we were talking about a buddy of ours that got fucked in a divorce.

He goes, hey, maybe it's to make up for the fact that women only make 70 cents an hour. I go, okay, the fact that you say that drives me fucking crazy because you think it's a good point, don't you? He goes, yeah, I go, do you ever research that? He goes, no, but it's a fact. I go, it's not a fact. I go, it's not a fact. They make 70 cents compared to- A guy said this?

Yes. A guy said this. He's a guy who likes to argue. He's a friend of mine who likes to argue. He's one of those guys. Oh, you just got it. He's the worst. Yeah, you got to walk away from that.

He's a good guy. He's a good guy. But he's got a fucking problem. He doesn't like when he doesn't know something, and when he doesn't know something, he doesn't go, holy shit, really? He goes, that's not true. And I go, what the fuck? It's true.

It's fucking true. Like, go Google it. Like, we got a big fucking crazy argument. Do you have a web series? I want to watch you guys drive from here to San Francisco just watching you losing your shit. It's fucking true. Well, a couple times we've gotten in these arguments, we've gotten in like three of them.

And it's like, when I'm not, when I don't know something, I'll say, I don't know. Or if someone says something, and I didn't know that, I'll go, holy shit, is that true? He's the opposite. He's like, that's not true. So. Oh, if I don't know something, I'll do a bit on it. Twice, twice as fucking guys done this besides me. Like, I know what I'm talking about.

But that's comedy. I did a bit on the wage gap on my new, my new special. Yeah. Well, there you go. Well, my whole thing was like, how the fuck did they find out what everybody makes? You just call up the IRS? Can we get W2s on everybody? They're not going to give me that information?

Well, I don't know. I don't know how to do that. I have no idea. But all I know is it's harder for them straight across the board. That is the thing. For women? Just everything is harder, and all of our lives are easier. That's the overall fucking message.

I see. You're being sarcastic. I am. No, it's just like. You have one of my favorite jokes of all time. What's that? About motherhood being the hardest job in the world. He goes, how is it the hardest job in the world when you're wearing fucking pajamas

all day? Yeah. Yeah. No job you can do in your pajamas. I love that bit. Yeah. My wife hates it. No, I'm not saying it's not fucking difficult.

Yeah. It's obviously difficult, but it's a funny point. I used to do the whole thing. Yeah. Go work on an oil rig that fucking blows up. Exactly. And as you jump into the fucking on fire water, going underneath that, and then you're just sitting there with second degree burns and salt fucking water, hoping that Coast Guard

gets there before the shark eats you alive. Talk to me about the terrible twos. I have a friend of mine who works at an oil rig in Canada. In Northern Alberta where it gets 50 below zero. And I go, well, how do you do it? They work outside. I go, how do you do it? He goes, well, you keep the truck running and you work for about seven to 10 minutes

at a time and you have to go inside the truck for about a half an hour. I go, really? He goes, yeah. He goes, you can't take it anymore because any exposed skin you have, you try to cover your face up as much as possible. You put a ski mask on, but just your eyes, just all around your eyes is all fucked up. Like everything's fucked up. It's like it's just too cold.

You just can't do it. 50 below zero. They just work for short stretches of time, then they go in the car and then the other guy will go out while he's in there and then he'll go out for like 10 minutes and then they take a break for another 10, 15 minutes, then the other first guy will go back out again. Yep. All of those shows make me so thankful that I'm a comedian.

Those fucking crab fishing shows. What's the fucking worst job you had? This is as far as physically like I will kill myself before I'm 30 if I fucking do this. At a high school, I worked on a, there was a Knights of Columbus hall that was having a wheelchair ramp built and I had to carry cement bags and pressure treated lumber every day. And I only lasted a little over two weeks, I think. I lasted eight days.

I was a gopher on a construction site. We were roofing in June or July and I just remember having to bring up those. First of all, I brought the wrong, I bought the wrong color fucking shingles. They wanted the fucking ebony one and this was off ebony. I don't know what the fuck it was. So I had to go all the way back, unload the fucking things I loaded on, load some more back, brought the fucking things back. I just remember, dude, it was just like, I never ate so much in my life.

Like I'd eat like three sandwiches and like a half hour later, I'd be like starving and just weight was just falling off of me. I was just like, dude, what the, this is insane. But the thing was, if I hung in there for like a month, I would have got my sea legs but I just was like, no, but I didn't have it. I knew it. I always knew. I always knew.

Like when I played drums and everything like that, as much, every time I thought I was getting good, I'd go into guitar center and some eight year old kid would get on a kit and I'd be like, holy fuck, I would, I'd say, dude, I would pay you to give me lessons. And it's just like that when you switch, whenever you're trying to do, when you see like a kid come in and he fucking blows, I mean, blows your way, it's just like, it's just like, all right, I, this is, this is a hobby, Bill. This is a hobby. I mean, working, doing construction is definitely not a fucking hobby.

It's just brutal, back-baking labor. But there's a gift. There's a gift as far as like seeing how things go to get, oh yeah, dude, there's an art to everything. Well, there's an art to construction for sure. And there's the Louis CKs of fucking contractors. Oh yeah. No, I mean, as far as building houses, but I mean, laboring, like carrying bags of cement,

there's no fucking art to carrying bags of cement. But no, but they would give me shit to do, like, you know, make this fucking miter cut 45 and I fucked the same cut up three times in a row. It was to frame a door jam and I kept measuring to the inside of the corner, rather the outside of the corner. Remember the third time I did it, my boss just looked at me, grabbed the wood and he looked at me the whole time, walked up to the frame and never, never took his eyes off me and the frame was behind him and he just stuck it to the fucking wall and just stared

at me. I was so embarrassed. I was just like, oh God, dude. He's like, dude, you're going, you went through like fucking $20 worth of stock to make one, one fucking cut. Like, what are you doing here? And I was just, I didn't even pick up my check. I didn't even pick up my check.

I drove up to the site. I worked Monday through Friday and then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I drove up to the site and I just looked at it and my body, everything just said, dude, fuck this. And I just kept driving. He never called. Why would he call me? Of course. The guy was wasting lumber.

He doesn't give a shit. He got free labor out of me and I didn't give a fuck. And I forget what I did after that, but that was a rough time for me. But like, I always knew, like, if I didn't like a job and stuff like that, it's like the denier thing and it was that the heat, you got to be willing to walk at any moment. You got to be willing to fucking walk. You got to know it's bad. Yeah.

That was it. That was probably the toughest physical job that I had. And it was also a good, it was a good lesson because it was a lesson that like, if you work for somebody else and you're just doing labor, you're just doing just mindless labor, you don't have any time for anything else. You think you got eight hours in a day and there's still another 16, you'll get shit done. Uh-uh.

You lost it. You're fucking beaten down. I would go to the gym. I'd try to work out. And I remember trying to hit the bag and I just had nothing. There was nothing there. I'd never felt so tired in my life. Yeah.

And I was only like 18. I should have been full of piss and vinegar. I was just dead. And I remember like all my ambition wheels would just ramp it up. I was like, okay, this is not my fucking future. I got to figure out what the fuck I'm doing. Cause I had these delusions that I was going to become a carpenter. I was like, well, get in the union.

I'll start building houses. That's a good gig, which it is, you know, if you're That's what I thought I was going to do. Yeah. You know what? It's a good gig. If you're the guy telling the people to go build the fucking house. But if you're the guy out there pouring the forms, you've noticed that that's mostly

young guys. Like that is a fucking young, even like landscaping. Like after a while, you got to get a crew and you got to be the guy like sending the crews out. Cause there's only so long that you can just like, I feel like like laborers and that they have like the same career trajectory as like a professional athlete. When you're around 35 to 38, your body's going to be like, dude, I can't, I can't fucking do this anymore.

You just break down. There was a, I had a bulging disc in my neck and I went to an MRI place and there was a lady who went in before me and this lady, I was looking at different people's MRIs and this lady had the most fucking ridiculous cartoon bulge of her disc. Poor woman who, I think she worked in a laundry mat or something like that, just carrying baskets of clothes and her back was just so fucked up and she was probably like 40 years old or something like that. Came over here from, you know, Mexico or Guatemala or something and I remember looking at her

back like in the, like this poor lady has no choice. She has to go to work. There's no way around this and there's no jobs for her other than this. You know, like what she's, she can't speak English, like she's got to do what the fuck she's got to do. And she had, you went into her chart, huh? He started reading. It was just sitting up there on the screen and I asked the guy, who's back is that?

He goes, it's hers. I go, holy shit. I go, does mine look that bad? He goes, no. He goes, that's bad. He goes, that's bad. It's real bad. Like she could barely walk.

Like she had sciatica up and down her leg. Oh, I had that. Yeah. Well, that's what that is. Like what sciatica is, a bulging disc. It's a disc that's pressing against the nerves. You had it. What'd you do about it?

I went to a masseuse. That helped? Oh yeah. She actually, she works on, oh, she's a magician dude. She started with like, I can't know who she started with, but how it came through me was through my drum teacher. So it was like MMA people. Oh, okay.

And then, you know, the whole, some drummer or guitarist or something was into MMA, fucked up something and they say, go to my masseuse. And then she got all the musicians with like the tendonitis and all that shit in the forearms. And then it came around to me through my drum teacher and she's like, I mean, like my left side was fucked up, like the left leg. And she started with my right shoulder because your right shoulder is compensating for your left side. Yeah.

So she was doing the whole, all right, let's try to get some information, you know, see what's going on here. And then she'd do something. I just go like, and she'd be like, she just be like, she'd be like, okay, there's some information. All right. So it was a scale of one to 10, the pain and dude, like, she, what she did for me, like literally she went so fucking deep, it was like, these memories come out.

I remember my brother used to just give me Charlie horses and shit for no fucking reason. You remembered it? Yeah. Like it was a stored in your muscle? No, like the pain of it, like it just pops up. I just, I wouldn't be like literally thinking that you just have the thought like, hey, my brother used to always kick me in the fucking leg there. And there was another one.

I remember I was playing pickup hockey and I had no stuff. All I had was the fucking, the helmet and the gloves and the skate had like sweatpants and like a fucking t-shirt or whatever. And I'm out there like an asshole. And I've, you know, going down the ice and all of a sudden the other team gets it. So I pop over to fucking start skating backwards. I caught an edge and just went up in the air and just landed on my left ass cheek and fucking that whole side.

Dude, I landed so fucking hard, like I couldn't breathe and my eyes were watering. It's like literally when you're skating, it's like being thrown out of a moving car, right? So I got up and everyone was laughing. I fucked up my elbow. You know, it's hockey. See, just fine. You know, I get to the bench and I was fine. And a couple of shifts later, it kind of worked itself out.

And I had bruised my leg so bad, it was like three days later, I was on the road and I was showering or something. I just saw on the side of my leg, it looked like I had sat in grease or something. And then I looked all the way the back of my leg, it looked like someone took a pipe and just had fucking whacked me as hard as you could across the back of my leg. It was this straight fucking line. And I think my sciatic nerve thing was, which is a culmination of all of that shit. And then there was that last thing that did it.

So she fucking worked all the way out of that. She gave me all these stretches. And then I found like a good chiropractor and all that. And I've been all good now. Yeah, I'll do it. I'm going to show you. I couldn't even sit down because of my my my feet were start would start to tingle and stuff with numbness is way worse than that's beyond pain is what I heard.

So the numbness thing is worse. So she goes, all right, we're going to work you from numbness down to pain and then pain hopefully down to that. And I just I just started going every fucking week. But I got a machine. I have to show you. It's called a reverse hyper. And it's a machine that decompresses your back while strengthening it.

It's your lift weights with it. You lift your legs up and then it strengthens your back. And then as you find all this shit, well, I work for the ultimate fighting championship. I mean, I've been an athlete. But you've been doing this shit for every time I got this fucking chamber, right? Floating attention to stuff. I mean, that's what I do. I guess I pay attention to the wrong shit.

I've been doing martial arts since I was a little kid. I mean, maintaining your body is a big part of that. It's one of the most difficult parts of martial arts is not getting in here all the time. You're kind of because martial arts are all about hurting people. So it's practicing hurting each other. So like you have to find good partners. There's always a guy in class that goes to fucking hard. There's always that.

Charlie Murphy told me about that guy. Yeah, it was a big problem. Charlie sent me and I only lasted a couple of weeks to the dojo. My fucking AD deal. Maybe I'll learn how to cook now. You know, I just I left. So I never. But Charlie was just like, all right, here's the deal.

You're going to go down there. When was this? Oh, back when we do the rich bitch tour. Really? Yeah. He was you were doing much. What kind of martial arts we know? Whatever style he has his fucking blood. Dude, I only I only lasted like two weeks.

I fucking I actually took Jiu Jitsu with Dom Figg. Did you really? In the late nineties, I lasted like five weeks of doing that. Actually, did all right. I did all right. But then the guy teaching, he couldn't speak English and this lady like dislocated like her fucking rib cage. Can something fucked up happen?

And he didn't know what to do. And I just remembered like, you know, I was coming home with bruises and shit. It was like that was like when pilot season, you could actually get on something. And I was just like, the fuck am I doing? Why don't I make enough money where I have security? Back when you could actually get on something.

You remember development deals? Yeah, and shit could actually happen. And you go to Montreal and get a deal and then you'd be set. I just remember the guy who was skip the hip. It's like this. No good. It's like this. Ah, he's good. That was the whole fucking class Portuguese. Yeah, like this. No, like this escape, escape, escape, skip the hip. Whatever the fuck he was saying.

And, you know, I learned some shit. I still know if I'm on my back, how to get somebody into an arm bar. But it's probably well, it's probably I look at martial arts. It's like comedy. So like, I think that that worked in the late 90s, but now that would be like a corny joke now. And I think like that move. Like, dude, I'm going to fucking try that.

Like an eight year old knows how to get out of that. Like you're funny at the office. You think you're going to go kill at the Ryman Auditorium. Yeah, right? That's the difference. Yeah, it's more like a time thing. We're like, that was probably state of the art shit. Whatever was state of the art then.

I mean, you talk and do it. Oh, my God, it was like 18 years ago. There's no fucking way that move. Everybody knows that moves. It's like playing drums. Well, actually, all the standard old school moves of Brazilian jiu-jitsu are still good. They're all still good if you're good at them. Like there's some guys that are really good at what you call.

Basic is a weird word. Yeah, basic is a weird word and people get upset when you say their jiu-jitsu is very basic, but some of the best guys ever have what you call basic jiu-jitsu. It's not that it's basic. It's just they have only a small amount of moves that they use, but they have them sharpened to a razor's edge. And it's not that they're not capable of doing everything else.

It's just some guys, like there's guys that are known for just having a guillotine choke. That's all they do. And you just got to avoid that fucking guillotine choke and they might still get you with it. There's some guys that just win by triangle all the time, only by triangle. And there's guys who only win by heel hook.

There's like a bunch of different guys like that. Who's like the California kid? You're R.I.F. Haber? Oh, dude, that guy's hilarious. Did you see him when he was on The Ultimate Fighter? Sure. Okay, that thing that he, when he gave that kid shit early on when he was trying to make the show and whatever,

he got caught and pick a move, whatever the fuck it, rear naked choke or something like that. And then when the kid goes in and he loses rear naked choke and as he went out, like Uriah just goes like, yeah, he goes, that's what he's known for. Look him up. And when I loved about that, it was like old school parenting, like no fucking sympathy.

It's just like, and I thought it was a very empowering thing to do to that person. Like once you got past the defeat, like you'd be sitting there going like, yeah, what the fuck? You know that this is what the guy did. Let him beat you with anything else but that. That's so easy said. And this is on me.

It's so much easier said than done. It's incredibly difficult to stop someone who's really good at something. If they're really good at it. Oh, I don't think I'd have a problem, Joe. I've rented the last 20. Hey, you fucking boxer. What's the, well, we got a wrap up.

I do like an hour here. So like, give me all things Joe Rogan, where we can see you. Any UFC things coming up? We talked earlier, there's this giant one, giant one in Madison Square Garden. Cause the UFC was illegal in New York for 19 years. And it was all because of corruption.

This is a funny story. The culinary union, the guys who used to own the UFC, they sold the UFC, but the guys who used to own the UFC also own station casinos. They owned Red Rocks and they owned a bunch of different casinos, like I think 22 separate casinos, maybe even more. And all their casinos were non-union.

And this is a vote by the casino themselves. Like they got paid well. And I guess they just decided, look, we don't need to be union. So the culinary union was trying to muscle the owners of the UFC into going union. And so the way they would do it is, I mean, they have a bunch of different things they do.

They'll stand out and The culinary union is this strong. They're huge, they're huge. And they got those knives. They managed to keep the UFC out of New York. And then one of the guys that was in their pocket got arrested for corruption. He was the main guy that was keeping the UFC

out of New York. He went down last year at a corruption. And right after he went down, they passed it in New York state. Cause it was passed in every single fucking state. They told the public that it was all that human cock fighting. Exactly, but meanwhile they had kickboxing, boxing, everything else was legal, but they wouldn't let the UFC in.

And so finally it's legal now and now that it's legal and also there's new owners. So the culinary union doesn't have a beef with these new owners because they don't even have any casinos. And the new event that they're going to put in Masters Square Garden has three world title fights, four former world champions, three different fighters who have fought for the title before.

I mean, it's a fucking unbelievably stacked card. Crazy. It's the greatest card in the history of this course. Conor McGregor's fight. Conor McGregor's fight, Nettie Averez. It's two, two, there's three title fights, but there's two champions in the final. Conor is the featherweight champion,

Eddie Alvarez is the lightweight champion. And if Conor wins, he'll be the first guy to hold two titles simultaneously in the UFC. How do you get in that Conor McGregor shape? Is it too late for me at 48? No, no, you can do it tomorrow. Well, he's just tomorrow, come on. I'm going to give you a pill.

I'm going to give you that. I'm going to give you a mindset. I'm going to teach you. I'll take the mindset. You can't, oh, you're just fucking with me. Oh, you think? No, I thought I was, I had hope. I had fucking hope.

He's like, he's like in fucking, remember Tommy Hearns, like that level shredded, where Tommy was like a six foot tall fucking middleweight. Like somehow he could make like, what is middleweight? 147, well he was 147 when he fought Sugar Eleanor it was welterweight. It was unbelievable. It was scrawny, unbelievable.

He was just like, it was like, you drew him. Like how do you get that fucking shredded? We had that tiny waist and big broad shoulders and a ridiculous right hand power. That reach, yeah. Well, when he knocked out Roberto Duran, that's one of the sick, it was a hook, right? I think it was a right hand.

He face planted him. I think he hit him with a bunch of things, but I think he hit him with, he dropped him twice, but then he face planted him with a right hand where Duran just fell like a tree. Yeah, like Pacquiao did. Yes, exactly, like Marquez.

So Conor McGregor is not in the best shape. This is what's interesting. I mean, he's obviously in great shape, but he's got a problem with his endurance. And it's one of the things that makes this fight interesting. Like he got tired. I heard you saying because he has explosive movements, he uses up a lot of energy.

He's so fucking fast. He's so fast and so explosive that when you have that style of fighting, it's like sprinting. Whereas Nate Diaz, the guy who fought, was more of like a marathon runner. Like Nate. I love Nate.

Nate's awesome. And so is his brother Nick. But their style is more like, they don't go 100%, they don't use 100% of their energy with every punch. They're more like 60, maybe 70%. And they're always, they're always fresh. And they do a lot of marathon running.

They do a lot of triathlons and they're always doing endurance work. So their endurance is a big part of their ability to recover and push a pace that most people can't survive from. So Conor is not that guy. Conor is the guy that gets people out of there. Yeah, cause when he was fighting like Nate Diaz,

like towards the end, he did a lot of looking at the clock. Did a lot of running away too. Yeah. He had a reset. He literally ran away from him and reset. And you know, it was smart for him. That reminded me once when I first did stand up

and Steve Sweeney was late and I was on a material and I just kept looking at the back door. Like, is he coming? Is he coming? Is he coming? I got nothing left. I remember those days. The headliner.

That was at the Brockton, the Brockton Knicks comedy stop. Remember that? And you stood up on that like, it was like, you know those awful stages where it was a really small stage, like a giant, it's like you're standing on top of a fucking refrigerator

for whatever reason. And you're like looking down on the people. It was almost like this Andy Kaufman talk show desk, but it was the stage. I don't know if I did Brockton. I don't know if I did the Calloon. I remember I did that one. I think you were gone by then.

I might have been gone. I did the Randolph. I did Brockton Framingham. And then I think that was it for the Knicks. And then there was of course the one downtown. I never did Framingham either, I don't think. I think that was gone too. Oh, Calloon, of course.

Of course. I did the Calloon. I did Giggles, Mike Clark's room. Did you ever do that? Yeah. Giggles on Route 1, Cross Street. And so anyway, the Conor McGregor thing, like he's not,

I would say he's not the best cardio in the world. You can't say he's not in great shape because he did go five rounds with Nick Diaz. But it's just, it's not, he's not the same kind of shape that like, like Nick Diaz has swam from Alcatraz five times, gets in the fucking ocean with shark infested Northern California waters,

swam and then you had to be in incredible shape to do. You had to be out of your fucking mind to do that too. That too, but you got to be in incredible shape. I got a buddy of mine who just got done running the Bigfoot 200. He ran 204 fucking miles, 205, 205 miles in 78 hours. Three days of running.

Three and a half, three days in the fucking way. Yes, fucking way. Yep, it's called the Bigfoot 200. It's all documented. That's like running 60 to 70 miles a day. Oh yeah. Yeah. Maybe less than that, 50, yeah.

Something like that. Yeah, something like that. I'm a good number. 70 is 21. I'll say 63. I'll go 63 miles a day. There you go. I like what you're saying.

Three is three is nine. I like it, 18. He's run hundreds a couple of times. He actually ran a hundred in June to prepare for the 200 in August. So his half marathon is four marathons, basically. Essentially. He's a fucking animal.

I mean, he runs a... Does he run with those feet sneakers? No. We can see the toes? No, he's sponsored by Under Armour. So he wears the Under Armour Fat Tire Shoes. It's a nice cushiony shoe. But he's, he'll run 14, 15 miles a day, every day.

Who came up with that? Bigfoot 200. Savages. Fucking barbarians. His name's Cameron Haynes. He's a professional bow hunter. And to get in shape for bow hunting, because bow hunting is all about climbing up mountains

and shit, especially when you're hunting elk. I hunt with that guy, and it's fucking exhausting. And I'm in pretty good shape. Not in great shape, but I'm in pretty good shape. I can barely keep up with him. I mean, barely. He's barely out of breath, and I'm fucking dying. I'm drenched in sweat, heaving, and trying to follow it.

Because he's in such good shape. You don't want to bring me along for that one, then. Or anybody else. I mean, the way he does it is a very unique way. He's one of the most successful elk hunters in the world. And one of the reasons is his shape. Because he can get to places. Like, you see an elk, and the elk goes over the ridge.

The key is you've got to get to that fucking elk quickly. Because it's moving over that ridge, right? So if you're looking at an elk, and it goes over the top of a hill, and goes to the other side, the quicker you can get to that, the closer it's going to be to that hill. You've got to get within 60 yards. And you don't know how far it's going to move

in the time it takes you to get up there. Well, it takes me maybe 10 minutes to get up there. It'll take him two minutes. So about those extra eight minutes, that fucking elk's way out of range, you go down the hill. After it, it's going to see you. You're never going to get a shot at it. So he has way more shot opportunities.

Do you have any, like, the one that got away sort of shot? Like, you had it, you lined it up, and whatever, you exhaled at the wrong time, and you missed it, and then it took off? That's elk hunting. I had five of those two weeks ago. There's five of those, at least. Maybe six.

I shot that one with a rifle, because we just couldn't get close enough with a bow. After five, do you feel your guide going like, dude, are you going to fucking kill one here? Is there more pressure? No, that's just how it is. Elk hunting is hard. When you shoot an elk, you fucking earn it.

When are you going to go wild boar hunting again? I'm going with you. You and I are going to go. We're going to schedule something soon. We'll schedule something. Let's schedule something, like, maybe after Christmas. Yeah, get me an Uzi, and then I'll go. I'm going to get you a...

Yes. As it comes running. Because those things I saw when I was saying they were watching the chef there from Hell's Kitchen. Ah, god damn it. I said his name earlier. I'm the worst. Yeah, Gordon Ramsay.

Gordon Ramsay. I made his scrambled eggs again this morning. My wife fucking loves it. What kind of scrambled eggs? Oh, dude, he fucking... He puts... This is what he does. First of all, he gets the pot, a little pan going,

a little olive oil. Puts some tomatoes still on the vine in there with some mushrooms. He just lets that fucking sizzle. And then he takes three eggs and like a dollop of fucking butter, puts it in there, doesn't mix it. Already puts it on the flame, and then he starts mixing this thing around.

He talks about all the chemistry. You don't want to mix it before you put it in there. Doesn't put any salt in there, because some reason that does it. He's like, on a heat, now off the heat. See there? And you have to do it, because the heat, it's in here. I've watched it a zillion fucking times when I'm watching

this thing. The heat's in the pan. The heat's in the pan, so that's the one thing that I learned. I learned from this guy, Chef Roy, Roy Choi, who started the whole gourmet food truck thing. I did like, Favreau's doing, shooting this thing. And I went over there and I got to sit and he taught me this shit about the grilled cheese sandwich.

And what I learned about these guys is, dude, it's all controlling the heat. Like, my whole shit is just like, medium-high. I'm like, medium-high, for 10 minutes. It's like, you're not cooking. You're just standing there like a fucking bouncer or some shit. It's like, so he does all of that.

And when it gets to a certain level of coming together, then he takes this creme fraiche and puts it in there. What is creme fraiche? I don't know what the fuck it is, but it's delicious, right? And then you get it. You bring it back on the heat and then salt in, right? He puts that shit in. You go and you just keep stirring this fucking thing.

And it almost looks like it's water. You don't think it's done. You taste it and you're like, oh my God, this is great. Then you take it off, right? No, wait, you chop up a little bit of dill. You sprinkle it up. You mix it in there. And then by then the sourdough toast pops up.

Little olive oil on that. You put the fucking scrambled eggs on that with the fucking tomatoes and the mushroom. Give it to your wife. Over, over, but then they love it. And then they keep telling you to make it. And you're just like, yeah, fuck. Can't just do the old scrambled egg with the cheese in it.

I gotta get you some eggs. We have our own chickens. I have 23 chickens. How long can they lay eggs before you have to fucking retire them? Well, they just stop laying eggs after a while, but I don't eat them. And then you stew them, right?

No, I just let them live. They just live and then they die. I've had a bunch just die. They get old and they die. I've had chickens for now, I wanna say five years, somewhere around there, four or five years, maybe five years. And they just fucking die sometimes.

I've had like, but I have some of them that are like five years old, that are still five years old. I was just picturing this chicken at his desk, you know, just having those classic 1950s heart attack. You know, back then when nobody knew shit about fucking heart attacks, it was terrifying. Why does everybody's hearts just fucking stop?

And they were all eating bacon and fucking martinis and all this shit. They had no idea. And that was back when they had no respect for martial arts. It was all like, I'll tell you nothing stronger than a good old Sunday punch and they'd be sitting there eating fucking steaks

and people were just dropping, right and left, like dropping dead. I know you like conspiracy theories. You like a good conspiracy theory that's been proven. I like a good one. The good one. I don't like fucking silly ones. I don't like being lumped in with people who have silly ones.

I understand that. Here's a real one. I don't like reading. It was in the New York Times. They proved that scientists were paid off by the sugar industry in the 1960s. Oh yeah, absolutely. They were paid off to make saturated fat,

the culprit for all these diseases and fat, fat people and heart attacks when it was actually sugar. I'm loving where this is going. They were trying to take the blame away from sugar and pin it on saturated fat. So bacon's fine. So these scientists, bacon is actually not bad for you.

Saturated fat is actually not bad for you. There's a giant illusion that cholesterol, everybody thinks, oh, your cholesterol's high. Dietary cholesterol barely moves the needle on blood lipids. Blood lipids, when they measure your diet, when you measure cholesterol in your blood, has to do with a lot of things. This sounds great to me,

but you're also a stand-up comedian. You don't have a white lab coat on. I'm sitting here like, okay, Dr. Rogan. I read these things. What gives people high cholesterol is first of all, the LDL cholesterol, HDL cholesterol, is good cholesterol and bad cholesterol. And you can have high of one,

but if you have high of the other one, it balances each other out. I'll send you a podcast. If you have the fucking, the time to listen to it, it's a fascinating one. If you can fucking sit there long enough, you ferret. It's hard, it's hard. It's hard to sit down and listen to this stuff,

but this guy, Chris Crusher, was on my podcast who explained it all and did it in a scientific way. One of the great names of all time. Chris Crusher. Chris Crusher, Chris Crusher, Chris Crusher. Come on, I'm not saying period, Chris Crusher scores! Oh! But anyway, it's not cholesterol.

A lot of it is hereditary. Like, if you have high blood pressure or dietary cholesterol or high cholesterol. It's like, David Letterman. David Letterman, look, he didn't announce a fat on him and he needed open heart surgery. Yes, yeah, yeah. A lot of that's hereditary.

Some people just get a shit roll of the dice. Just like some kids are born with leukemia. I mean, it's just a, it's not something you did. It's not like they've been smoking since they were a fetus. You know, my big fitness thing is, I'm big time into body weight. Oh yeah, that's great. Body weight exercises.

So I'm trying to get myself strong enough to do a front lever at fucking 48 years of age. What's a front lever? A front lever is basically you hang from the chin up bar. You bring your legs straight up and you hang in there like a fucking table. And you got to put part of your weight behind the bar. So there's all of these exercises to be in that.

Explain that? Okay. So you do a chin up. Just imagine, do you remember planking? Yes. Just imagine if you did it on your back. You're laying on your back in the air, but you're hanging from the chin up bar.

And your legs are straight out like that. Okay, yeah. So I've been fucking with that for like months, trying to build up the strength. And I got myself to the point, because the whole thing is you got to be behind the bar. Right. And what's great is I got this big head.

So it kind of fucking, you know, there's a lot of weight already behind the bar. But so I've got a point now where I can actually, like I used to be almost hanging upside down. And then gradually you can kind of bring, you have your legs in a ball. So like the weight is basically underneath it. And I've gotten to the point now

where I can just start to extend one leg and then I fall to the ground. It ain't bad. I'm going to get there though. You'll get there. I just want to bust that out one time because I got a buddy with mine. He has a bet with me that when I'm 70,

I can't do 10 pull-ups. What? So just to fucking suck. 70. No, when I turn 70. If I wait till 70 to catch the bet in, as long as you just keep going, you'll get there. That's the thing.

Stallone's in his 70s. Yeah, but if I don't... He could do 10 push-ups or just chin-ups. If I don't have that bet, I don't have that fucking, so it's a great carrot that I'm chasing there. I understand. Yeah.

You could do that though. It has nothing to do with age. You could do that move. Does it have to do with butter? Do it with... Bacon and shit like that. Just lifting. Just got to, you know the best way to do it.

Honestly, start doing body weight exercises, do a lot of chin-ups and stuff like that, but do them really slowly. That's one of the best ways to really develop like some serious strength. Like a lot of people like to do chin-ups, and they like to do those like kipping chin-ups you see in CrossFit.

What I like to do is... What's kipping? Like you go, like you kind of like kick up, and you kick up. Have you ever seen people do that? I honestly think that's like cheating. It is like cheating. That's people who arc their back on the bench press.

But it's a hard workout if you do a bunch of them, but it's just, there's a lot of criticism. Why does CrossFit have to be done in front of everybody? Why can't they just stay in their gym? Why are they always running up and down the street? Like, look at us, we're working out. Because it's like, look at us, we're working out. Should I be more mature about that?

Nope, nope, you should rub it in their face. They're like vegans in a lot of ways. They want you to know what they're doing. You know, it's like, that's part of the whole thing. It's like you become, there's a whole article about that, about it's replacing religion for a lot of people. You become tribal, and you get involved in these group, like group activities, and you identify with that group.

Like you become a CrossFit, or you become a vegan, or you become a lot, I mean, not there's anything wrong with being one of those things. Like 12 by one, it was like, the gym is like a garage door, and it's wide open, and they're making all this fucking noise, and it's like, yeah, I work out too. You know, I have the door closed. Listen to a little Iron Maiden lately.

But that's part of the fun of it. They want everybody to know they're doing it. So you walk by, you go, wow, Billy's in shape. You know, look at him, look at him, he's fucking lifted, he's doing things, presses. Well, I've been out having breakfast outside cafe, and all of a sudden, 20 of these maniacs just run by, get to the corner, and then they run back the other way.

You just want to fucking throw your pancakes at them. Well, it's worse if you're walking, and they fucking almost run you over. You're like, hey, asshole, this is not a gym. Okay, this is a sidewalk. Like, don't. This is not a place for you to conduct your class. This is fucking stupid.

Maybe it's like a green thing, like they think that treadmills take up too much energy. No, I think you were right. You don't think so. They want people to know what they're doing. And they don't have the space to, you know, they don't have a track, so they just had to use a sidewalk. You know, I've seen that.

I've seen like groups of people run up and down streets. It's fucking stupid, you know? I saw it when I was in Santa Monica. I was fucking laughing my ass off. It's stupid. It's stupid. Sitting there running at fucking accountants. But CrossFit itself, what it does is it gets people

to get competitive, and when they get competitive, the good thing about it is like, there's a bunch of people around you, you're all pushing each other. The bad thing about it is a lot of people, their form falls apart when they start doing high repetitions, and they get competitive with it, and then they start getting injured.

I know a lot of fucking people that have hurt themselves doing CrossFit. A lot. Kettlebells, people always fuck themselves up right behind in there, baby. Yeah, they don't fuck with their snows. They just can do them slowly and do them with correct form. The beautiful thing about kettlebells is

you can get a great workout with a light kettlebell. I could get a great workout with a 35 pound kettlebell. It's light kettlebell, moving it slowly, controlling it every step of the way, and you can do all sorts of exercises. You go from one to the other, one to the other, and you get a full body workout that works. It's actual functional strength.

It'll apply the athletics. I'm leaving the reservation with the, I'm going to all old school. I got those atomic holds, you know, like that American Ninja shit, those little fucking, little cannonballs. Those are great. I got those hanging from my ceiling,

and I'm trying to get the ones that look like the num chuck handles, and I fucking went to order the thing, and they never came, and then they sent me an email going, like, did you still want them? It's like, yeah, I ordered them. Go to roguefitness, roguefitness.com. They have all that crazy shit.

They got that shit. Well, that's what I bought my rack through those guys, and I got a speed bag, and then I'm going to get those Swedish bars, and see if I can get it myself up to be able to do a fucking Q and flag. Oh, shit. Well, I like the shit where I'm working towards something.

I can't just get on an elliptical every day, like I'm doing a half hour, and the big thing is what's my new playlist, because I will get bored shitless with that, but I feel like with the speed bag, you know, I suck at that, but I'm getting a little bit better at it. I'm like learning something.

You know what's funny? My wife wanted it. I wasn't made enough. I didn't want to have the thing, but... Book it, book it, book it, book it, book it. It's something cool about doing it, but do you know like Julio Cesar Chavez didn't even know how to do that?

It's kind of useless for boxing. It gives you a little bit of endurance for your shoulders, but when the fuck is the last time you punched somebody like this? Imagine someone stood in front of you, and you punched him like this? Well, I think it was to build up your timing, then also build up your arms,

so you can keep your arms up and protect your head, right? But Julio Cesar Chavez, it's hilarious. He was the one with the greatest boxer of all time, and he always used to laugh, because he would like try to do it, and he couldn't do it. And he could knock everybody out in the fucking gym. I mean, he was a fucking monster. Listen, dude, I'm just trying to get into the...

I used to go to Gleason's Gym, and they knew why I was there, and they used to call me Billery Swank, you know, because a million dollar baby had just come out. Billery Swank, I love it. Oh, no, we had a great time. Charlie Murphy once again. He gave me the lay of the land.

Charlie goes, you going down there? He's like, okay. He goes, you're gonna be down there about three weeks. I'm doing a bad Charlie Murphy. He goes, someone's gonna come up to you and be like, yo, how long you been boxing? Yo, you nice, blah, blah, blah. Why don't you get in the ring?

He goes, do not get in the ring, because he wants to go in there and try out all the shit that he doesn't have the nerve to try and get some professional fighter, and you're gonna get fucked up, right? Exactly. Three weeks, whatever fuck he said on the nose. This fucking, this guy comes up,

black dude from Brooklyn, starts coming up to a white guy stand-up comedian from the suburbs, going, yo, you nice, man, you can box. I just started laughing. I go, dude, get the fuck out of here. I go, I'm not getting the ring with you. And he fucking laughed and walked away. And I told Charlie, thinking he would laugh,

you know, Charlie's just so fucking real deal. He just, I fucking told you. It's like, I told you. Charlie Murphy's one of the best guys of all time. I did that Maxim tour with him. I got to know him. We did 22 dates together. He's a fucking great guy.

I really love that dude. I really do. He's not one of those guys when my fucking phone went in the toilet, I lost his fucking number, so I didn't be able to call him. I think I got it. I'll give it to you.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I love that guy. We got to wrap this up, dude. I'm gonna sit in like nine million hours of traffic. Joe, you're the fucking best. You've been one of the top comics for what? 20, 25, I don't know how many fucking years.

Since I was in Boston, when I saw you at the Caloon and you did your tiger's fucking bit, which sounds like, oh, it's just tiger's fucking. Dude, just the noise you made of the tiger was fucking unbelievable. I still remember your bit making front of the chicks out there with the hair like a giant root.

Oh my God. You're a fucking monster. So I'm so happy for you that you got another special that's out on Netflix. It's called Triggered. Please watch it. If you love it, please rate it. So, you know, stay on the front,

whatever that fucking scrolly thing is. And that's it, man. Now you're gonna hook me up with some elk meat. Fuck you, right? Thanks, Bill. I really appreciate you having me on. No worries, no worries. And I feel the same way about you, man.

You're one of my all-time favorites. We're gonna have a big hug after this. All right, guys. Thanks for listening. All right, what's up? Bill Burr here, all right. How great was that? Ah, the great Joe Rogan.

Finally got him on. After nine years of doing my fucking podcast, finally got him on. And I didn't do any of the advertising because I knew that it was gonna be too interesting to sit there and talk to that guy. So, here's a little bit of advertising. I know what you're thinking.

Oh shit, Bill, the fucking advertising. That's boring. Well, not the way I do it. All right, here we go. We got a new one here. CISO, CISO, S-E-E, SO. See? So, there you go.

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Again, that's Tracker.com, promo code burr. Did anybody see that fucking ad on TV that was making fun of Ohio State the way they go, the Ohio State University? They were talking about things that you're sick of. They go, are you sick of dramatic pauses after football players say the name of their university and they had this guy doing like cross-eyed

and he just went like, the Brockton Community College. I butchered it, but you gotta see it. The guy's performance on it is tremendous. It's as funny as how unfunny the way I just did it. Look at you, Cleo. What are you doing? You wanna go outside? Cleo, can I get out of Ohio before we leave?

Cleo, go on, get off the couch. Get off the couch. All right, here we go. The key is you just have to make eye contact. I'm gonna go for this one. Cleo, do you wanna go outside? Cleo. There you go, good girl.

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