Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-3-24

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

Bill rambles about Dikembe Mutombo, playoffs, and interplanetary travel. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast  (33:30) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 10-3-16 - Bill rambles about The Ryder Cup, owning a Pit Bull, and dead people's guitars. (01:47:31) -  Anything Better NFL Picks & Preview Week 5 with Paul Virzi BET MGM If you haven’t signed up for BetMGM yet, use bonus code BURR and you will get up to a $1500 FirstBet Offer on your first wager with BetMGM! Here’s how it works:  1. Download the BetMGM app and sign-up using bonus code BURR. 2. Deposit at least $10 and place your first wager on any game.3. You will receive up to $1500 in bonus bets if your bet loses! Just make sureyou use bonus code BURR when you sign up! First Touchdown Offer Simply place a prop bet on the player to score the first touchdown in any NFL game.  If your player doesn't score first but instead scores second, you'll get your stake back in cash. Disclaimer: See BetMGM.com for Terms. 21+ only. US promotional offers not available in New York, Nevada, Ontario, or Puerto Rico. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER (Available in the US). Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP (AZ), 1-800-327-5050 (MA), 1-800-BETS-OFF (IA), 1-800-981-0023 (PR). First Bet Offer for new customers only. Subject to eligibility requirements. Rewards are non-withdrawable bonus bets that expire in 7 days. In partnership with Kansas Crossing Casino and Hotel.

So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour

in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.

Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in, checking in on you. Ooh. How's it going everybody? I'm on my way up to Tacoma, Washington tomorrow morning.

One more day here with the family back East. Get to play with the kiddos and everything. Fly up there early tomorrow. I got a show at the Tacoma fucking casino and resort facial Botox center, whatever the hell it's called. I'm gonna have my first cup of coffee. I just went out to get coffee half an hour ago. to get coffee half an hour ago. Or maybe I won't. Or maybe I won't. I kind of got it out of my system. It's been a great thing. I don't know about coffee is fucking it's fucking delicious,

but I'm really starting to wonder like. You know. I don't know. It fucking drives you out, makes you shit come out like lava rocks unless you're fucking drinking a gallon water every day it tricks you into feeling like you're not tired but fucks up your brain which leads to like Alzheimer's and fucking dementia but then there's all these other studies that's you know a cup of coffee a day that can't feed it's good for you I mean what what do you believe?

Somebody sent me this video this absolute jerk off on Instagram and he was talking about how to not deal with the What do you call it the in the afternoon the crash from drinking coffee So he's giving you all these tips. And I swear to God, he's doing the video. He's standing there. He's wearing hospital scrubs with the thing on his head. Like he's about to go into surgery.

It's like, did you go down to the costume store? Did you go down to casting and they fucking, uh, are they rebooting ER? This was the only time you could make this fucking video. We need you to have credibility. I want a guy to teach me how to build a deck and he's dressed like the construction worker in the fucking village people. It's got a hard hat on and his fucking work boots. So I know this guy, you know, he knows stuff about fucking decks. Anyway, I've been drinking green tea with Jasmine and it's been

fucking working for me. And I'm thinking about getting a cup of coffee. I think I'm gonna do it on the, because I'm going to do it on the, uh, cause I'm going to the, uh, the Michigan Wolverine Washington Huskies game, which I think is going to be a great game. Um, you know, Michigan has a good record, but they look really limited. They don't have it really any passing or anything. It's sort of run the ball down your throat, but that's always been big 10 football. Um, and I'm not sure about the Huskies. I don't even know what the hell their record is.

I know their coach went to Alabama and they lost a bunch of players too. So it should be great, but you know, I shot my special up there in June and I had an extra day at the Moore Theater, which was just fucking phenomenal. So we rented a boat and we went around, you know, down where all those Bill Gates guys

live and everything. But we went right by the Husky Stadium. And I was like, oh my God, is that's where the Huskies play? They play right on the water? And I was like, fuck this, we gotta go to a game. And we looked up the schedule, saw they were playing Michigan. We're like, all right, that is the game.

So we are making it happen. And old Billy Freckles, old Billy Freckles taped in fucking June I already have a new hour I got a new hour uh it's all over the map you know I'm swinging for the fences here but uh I went out I did some spots this week and um I don know what it is. This is like the easiest hour I've ever had to write. It's just fucking pouring out of me. Thank God. And I don't know. I think it's because I'm happy. I'm really happy in life or whatever and and I'm fucking chill. So it's just like flowing out of me as opposed to being... It's kind of funny because you you know, for young comics,

listen to this, they have that whole thing. I remember when I was coming up, I don't know what they tell you guys, the younger comics, but when I was coming up, I remember there was a stupid thing where they always say, you know, don't get too happy. You get happy, you're going to lose your funny. And it's like that, that's not the case. You're just going to have a different perspective on how you look at the world. You're still going to be funny. it's like that's not the case. You're just gonna have a different perspective

on how you look at the world. You're still gonna be funny. It's stupid. It's a talent. It's a gift that you have. You don't lose it. I guess if you stop working on it, you would. But I mean, if you can sing, you can sing. It doesn't make a difference if you're happy or sad, right? Why would being funny be anything different? You know, I don't know. I'm just excited that this election is almost over. And I have not watched one fucking second of it, other than for a moment, my wife had on the DNC fucking whatever the hell that was, swinger's party. And I mean, I don't even know what I was watching. fucking whatever the hell that was, Swinger's party.

I mean, I don't even know what I was watching. It was just, it is just so fucking bizarre to watch politicians on both sides come out smiling like we're not completely bankrupt, like we're not stuck in these never-ending wars, like our food supply is not turned into poison poison like there aren't five fucking tech nerds from from fucking Silicon Valley that are gonna eventually own everything and they're coming out there ear to ear grin like everything is okay I don't know it's fucking bizarre but anyways let's talk about shit that matters like sports. Rest in peace to Kemby Mutombo.

Great center for the Atlanta Hawks. He had that great thing where he wagged his finger at Jordan. And then Jordan came back down and dunked on him and fucking wagged his finger back. That was fucking that's back when men played the goddamn game. You could stand in the paint and fucking elbow people. You know, I saw this thing on Moses Malone, this highlight reel. One of my favorite big men of all time, because he could handle the ball like a point guard.

Go behind his back. You know, what we what was allowed a crossover back then. It was called a carry. So you couldn't do all that and one shit. And then he would just drive the lane like a number two and he would go fucking up and under, pull his legs up and reverse layup on like a seven, 10 and a six foot, 10 inch guy all the time, or he would just come in and dunk on him.

And I was watching this video and there was all these great NBA players talking about him, and one of them said, you know, he wasn't the most skilled player. It's like, what the fuck are you? Look at that. That's all I'm seeing is skill. And he could pass. He's the reason why the 76ers finally got over the top in 83. Moses, bring us to the promised land. I actually saw him one time.

I was going into a cheesecake factory when I was on the road before I realized it was a horrific restaurant. I went into the cheesecake factory and he was he was in Houston and he was sitting there in a booth. I couldn't believe it was like his family or something. I was just in absolute awe. I was like, that is Moses fucking Malone. And also.

Rest in peace, rest in peace, Pete Rose. I got to tell you, man in peace, Pete Rose. I gotta tell you, man, that's the one this week, John Amos, all of these people, John Amos, the last cast member, I believe, from the Mary Tyler Moore to pass on. He had a reoccurring role. He used to be in the back behind Mary and Murray, Gavin McLeod and Mary Tyler Moore before he did Good Times and did all of those films.

But Pete Rose, dying, even though he's like 83 or 84, what just fucking floored me is I'm old enough to remember him playing on the Reds the first time. I remember him going to the Phillies. With Steve Carlton and them winning in 1980 and Manny Trio and that great team going back to the Reds, which was awesome because he just looked right in that uniform. I remember a brief one, him playing on the Expos for a second. Breaking the Ty Cobb record and all of that. And then the whole gambling thing. And I'll be honest with you, I really thought in his lifetime, MLB and Pete were going to bury the hatchet. And I thought, you know, that eventually they were gonna let him in

during his lifetime and I just can't believe that that never happened And now like what do they do they kind of have to just like Stay with that I almost feel like everybody from this era has to die and then people like, you know, when I'm gone, they'll fucking There'll be something where they finally let them in. I can't imagine what gambling legalized gambling will have done to the leagues by then. So really be like silly, but people do bring up that point like it's kind of fucking ridiculous that MLB is in bed with all these gambling sites and they won't let Pete Rose in the hall. That's not a fair comparison Because Pete Rose was a player and they didn't want you to gamble because you lose when you gamble and

Then you owe people favors and then you start fixing games. That's, I'm not saying Pete did that, but that was the fear. That's different than owners taking a cut of, you know, the proceeds and all of that. They're taking it off the crowd and there's really no reason to fix the games because the odds are so in the favor of the casino. They're going to get their taste. It's really if you're the actual person gambling, you're going to lose and then you're in this position of power being a player that you could do something to affect the outcome of the game and get out of debt.

that you could do something to affect the outcome of the game and get out of debt. There, there are two, but there's definitely hypocrisy in it because, and then it was also like back when Pete was doing it, gambling was illegal. So you were in communication with. Unsavory people. You weren't basically in with the mob Now gambling is legal So you are in business with a legal entity that is now paying taxes or whatever. I mean, they're just as fucking corrupt There's never been any difference between that was a great joke on the penguin What's the difference between the mob and the government?

One of them is organized right Silly joke or whatever, but like there's really no difference. So, but anyway, it really made me sad that they could never come around. But I understand baseball because Pete was his own

worst enemy. He used to always just you know, just say the wrong thing. He just always said the wrong thing. Like when he finally admitted to betting on baseball after denying it for all those years, he goes, all right, I bet on baseball. Now let me in the hall. It's like he needed, he needed like a lawyer to speak for him to say Pete is sorry and

did that. But what's funny is, is what made him such a great player and a manager and a competitor is kind of what inhibited him from like a sincere apology I think or as an accepting one but like I get why they weren't putting him in but they should have they should have by the end, they could have easily just been like, look, he's been banned since 1989. He's sitting in casinos signing autographs to make money. You know, he wasn't even allowed in a baseball stadium for, I don't know, decades.

You know, he was effectively punished and nobody else sends him Has gotten in trouble for it. So I think that they made their point. They could have let the guy in You know what? I mean they it's Because as much as what he did was the biggest fuck-up ever With the gambling, you know what I mean? He was also one of the, he was so great for fucking baseball. The guy was so fucking exciting and he was just so fucking amped up every game.

Remember when he would, you know, get a guy out at first base and then he would come running in and he would be like dribbling the baseball off the Astro turf. Just a fucking just on 11 every single game dog day a summer or whatever. But whatever what a what a shame that he didn't get in during his lifetime. But what about you know rest in peace to the hit king. The greatest hitter

of all time. No one has more than him. So, I mean, you got to give that up to him. And, you know, I love baseball and everything like that. As much as the home run hitters are great, like the guys that hit for average when I was coming up, you know, Rod Carew, George Brett, Paul Molitor had Wade Boggs, Tony Gwynn. I mean, just like masters, masters. And there's some great shit on like Instagram now too, where there's this retired pitcher,

I forget the guy's name, and he just talks about each at bat and what pitch he just threw and what he's throwing next and what he's setting the guy up for. And I saw this great clip, I mentioned it on Monday, where this guy in the booth,

I think for the Tigers, was saying like, he's probably gonna come back with that slider and I think this hitter has a bead on it and like the guy comes back with the slider and the guy in Detroit hits it for a home run and it's just like You know as a fan you just watching the guy throwing and the catcher catching it and the hitter falling off or getting hit Yeah, they had no idea like Like the rock-paper scissors that's going on with like a

hundred and a hundred mile an hour object it's fucking unbelievable so anyway the fact that he was able to perform at the level that he did in three different decades is incredible so you know rest in peace to him and speaking of which I've been watching the baseball playoffs. Playoffs? I keep, you know, I caught the end of the Royals shockingly closing out the Orioles. You'd think that would at least go three games. I mean anything can happen in a three-game series, but the game, the one that I've been watching has been the the Mets and Brewers and the Padres game has been coming on at the same time Which is so great that they're in the playoffs

They have a great fan base and they have one of the low-key most killer ballparks in in the league but I've been watching Mets Brewers and That kid Jackson Cheer, 20 years old, hit two home runs like it was nothing. Opposite field. And he's not like a huge guy either. I'm sure he's like solid as a rock, but like you just don't see him having that kind of power. And they like that second one was like. I think off the front of the second deck opposite field and Garrett Mitchell with the go ahead. And it was looking like the Mets were going to close out the Brewers in two games. So I don't know.

Oh, Billy, the tea drinker is all excited about fucking October baseball here and can't pick an NFL game to save his life. You'll see that on the anything better. I just keep getting my fucking ass. This is the hardest year ever to bet. Like you cannot figure out one team from one week to the next. You know. Who were the fucking commanders last weekend? And how did the Cardinals all of a sudden get good? And then the Bills kicked the shit out of somebody and then get destroyed by the Ravens. And now the

Ravens are playing the Bengals and they're only favored by like two and a half. Why is that? Bengals have been having a shit fucking year. I'm telling you, I should have taken the Bengals because it makes no sense that they're gonna fucking win. And that's kind of how like this year has been going. So anyways, what the fuck is with this stupid thing? It's like my fucking wife's car. I drove that thing last night. I fucking hate new cars.

The whole inside is like lit up with like this blue shit. I felt like I was driving a goddamn aquarium down the street. And you go to park it, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j. The whole fucking time. How do I shut this thing off? You hold down the power button right? What was there a new update and now there's a new way to shut it off?

Do I got to hold two buttons down? Is this is this how it works? Does that take a picture? Alright shutting it off. Alright there we go. Is it done? It is done. All right, so I'm getting geared up for Halloween. My son wants to go as Angus Young. And so what we're doing is we're literally buying like a little school uniform, like legit in a tie and all of that type of stuff. It's gonna be fucking amazing. But this is the funny thing about him, is like when he goes, when I put on like, like yesterday he comes in, he goes,

"'Dad, can you put on jail breaks?' He calls it jail breaks. And at first he was saying, "'Can you put on jail break?' Because that's how they sing, you know, gonna make a jail break. So he was, he's so adorable. So he's like, dad, don't put it on yet.

Don't put it on yet. And he goes in the other room and I bought this little electric travel guitar for him. He gets his backpack from school. Cause early on when Angus would be on TV, he even wore the backpack for the whole schoolboy uniform. He puts on his backpack, then he puts on the guitar. He has to plug the cord in to the guitar, which is plugged into nothing. And then he puts a hat on. And like the level that he pays attention to the videos, like when the hat comes off, when Angus brings the guitar up,

he can do the, you know, the Chuck Berry duck walk now. So, um, I don't know. I really think he's going to stick with, uh, guitar and drums because this morning I went into his room and I heard him. He has this little toy ukulele and he was just in there. Like he had his back to the door and I came walking in and he was just like strumming the thing and like pretending he was like playing guitar

and everything. It's like really amazing. I don't know. To have your son be like that into the exact same band that you were into is pretty wild. So anyway speaking of which I'm going up to, I gotta leave here, I'm going up to fucking Washington as I said going up to Tacoma and I don't know what you guys think about this Michigan Huskies game? I thought, you know, once they lost to Texas, got destroyed, I thought USC was gonna beat them. And I was like, oh man, this is gonna be a bad game.

But I'm gonna go up there and watch Washington and kick the shit out of them. And I feel like they got a shot. So we shall see. Here's something that I would like to fucking bring to the United States of America now that I'm on tea and I'm not drinking coffee anymore This should be like a half hour forty five minute nap In the in the afternoon now, you know these corporate heartless Reptilian cunts would never allow that.

But if you could somehow convince them. That in the long run, it was going to increase productivity after the nap for the rest of the day, rather than everybody just walking around because they ate shitty American food, their fucking whatever glucose glucose, your salt, your sugar, whatever, something's through the roof and you're never gonna crash. And then you gotta drink a cup of coffee to trick your body into thinking you're not fucking tired.

And it's like basically driving a car around with low oil and eventually you're gonna fucking burn out the engine. Like, I don't know, I think I'm gonna start doing, like I've been writing this script with a buddy of mine and I'm gonna fucking suggest to him, I'm just saying every day at two o'clock, can we just fucking, you know, you can keep writing. I'm gonna go in the other room,

I'm starting to yawn now, just think of it, and just fucking taking a half hour nap. like they do in other parts of the world that have like real food you know not saying they don't have their fucking problems. You know what I'm how great would that be? I mean could you run for president on that platform? And if elected all companies would be required. That would get you assassinated. You get fucking whacked. All companies would be required to let their employees take a 45 minute lunch. I mean 45 minute nap every day at 2 PM. But then that would introduce, where would they sleep?

And what if you hired a pervert who's like pretending he's sleeping, but he's really sipping coffee so he can stay awake during nap time and do God knows what to everybody's zonked out? I don't know. It could be amazing. That's something I want to look up. Countries that allow naps. Wouldn't that be funny if that was like the fucking reason you moved?

You don't give a shit what government they have. They could have the harshest dictator ever and you're just like, wait, you're telling me every day at 2 p.m. though? I listen, I know he's out there torturing people to death and we're all starving. And he fed his uncle naked to some dogs. Um, but I get a nap every, every day at 2 p.m. That's fucking amazing. I don't, I think I can do this.

What kind of food you got over here? Is it actual food? If I can get actual food in a nap in the afternoon, wouldn't that be fucking amazing? Do you know how fucking stunned, for those of you not in my country, how stunned me and my fellow Americans would be if they actually did something for the general population that was positive other than just trying to figure out another way to ring another fucking dollar out of your wallet. They did something for the environment. They did something for the food supply and they let you take a nap. You know, and they just dialed it back like 15% on this whole fucking, what

do they call it, grind culture. Jesus Christ, how low is that guy flying? You have a helicopter fly over your house and at first it's like, oh that's cool, then you start going like, is that guy going to hit my house? Is he dive bombing down there? Anyway, oh, I went on a, I went on a fucking, went on a great flight the other day. I flew to this uncontrolled airport that I'd kind of been avoiding because it's, it's always like really busy over there. They always feel like there's like four or five people in the pattern.

And you know, it's always like, you know, people flying those Cessnas and I'm flying a helicopter so they go faster and they fly at a higher altitude. And a lot of times they can't see what's beneath them. And I just, I just really don't like that shit. So I was just like, all right, I'm never going to that airport. And just the other day I was like, you know what? Fuck this, I'm going to that airport. I'm gonna give this a shot.

Did I talk about this? Was this Monday or Sunday? When the fuck did I do this? I hope I didn't already talk about this. Yeah, so I went to this airport cable. I did talk about this. All right, well, there you go. I'm still fucking proud of myself

that I was able to figure it out. It was funny, you know, there you go. I'm still fucking proud of myself that I was able to figure it out It was funny, you know facing your fears. I go over there and there's nobody in the pattern And there was just one guy you know in the run-up area waiting to get on the The runway and I was able to just go There's like a little rock quarry there, and this other helicopter pilot goes, just fly over that, then cut across midfield, do a 270, and land right at the

helipads that are right at the beginning of 24. I did it, and it was great. It's fucking amazing. But I will tell you this, it was fucking hot as balls as balls and we're gonna have another heat wave out of here people It's october It's october and we're still having heat waves out here. This fucking global warming shit is terrifying Like how much longer you know Uh, when the fuck are they gonna do something?

I have this okay. Here's my well my theory is you know to do something. I have this, okay, here's my theory is, you know, the scientists talk about how there's like a zillion other Earths out in the solar system that have the exact same ecosystem that we have. There's a part of me that thinks that the people that run shit have the technology to leave this one and go to the next one. And what they do is they just go around ruining these Earths and then they just go on the next one and they just leave us all down here to fry up in the sun or kill each other off

or whatever, wait for the oceans to rise up. Isn't that a happy thought? That's the thought of a coffee drinker, Bill. I thought you were drinking fucking green tea with Jasmine. Anyway, I'm really excited to go up to Tacoma and do this new hour. And then my next shows are going to be in Paris, France. And then I have this killer run of dates going up the 99 freeway out here in California, basically playing a bunch of old Fox theaters that are gonna have incredible history everywhere from like,

well, first of all, I'm doing the Libby Amphitheater, whatever, in Ojai. That's where I start. And then I go to Bakersfield, Fresno, Stockton. There's one other town in there that begins with a V. I can't remember what. But I should have my hour down after that week so I will be ready to go. I did the goddamn work. I'll have my new hour ready. I'm getting off book for Glengarry Glen Ross.

You know? I don't know, what the fuck else can I be— and I'm not watching any of this election coverage, so I still feel pretty, uh, good about myself? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh God, these two choices. You gotta listen to this fucking idiot, Donald Trump for four years, or you have to listen to somebody that talks through their nose. Or you know what? You know something?

Here's one. It doesn't matter because I'm not gonna pay attention to any of it anyway, because it doesn't matter, because the corporations and the banks run the fucking shit anyways. There you go. So you just hang out, you watch October Base October baseball and you fucking play with your kids. Is that the solution? I don't know

Or you'd like that Tesla guy not Tesla guy the Twitter guy He's building a rocket. He's trying to get the fuck out of here You know what I don't think he has status because he's new money. He's new money to the Illuminati people and he's showing up, you know, and he's trying to look like he's a blue blood. He's trying to look like he has the good genes. So he gets the hair plugs. He gets the Botox. He laminates his face and everything and

trying to trick these fucking lizard people into the fact that he's figured out how not to age. And they're still like, yeah buddy, you're not getting on the ship. So he's like, all right, I'll fucking build my own. And he's acting like he's doing it so he can give us rides. First of all, dude, you gotta be out of your fucking mind to get on one of those fucking Twitter rockets.

Twitter rocket. Social media fucking rocket. You know, that's like, you know what, the first thing I thought of when I saw him making that rocket was that fucking man, that man made, the fucking do-it-yourself submarine that was going down to the Titanic. Oh my God.

If he had to choose between the two, fucking burning up on re-entry or imploding, you gotta go with imploding, right? Super fast. Although I would feel like if you burned up on re-entry, that's gotta be a quick one too. I think that's just, I think it's done. I didn't know, I had an impression of burning up

in reentry. That's my impression of it. You guys can top it, let me know. And then I feel like imploding in a do it yourself submarine. I think you're just talking to people going, so how long is it going to and then it's just it. How long do you think it's going to take to get

I just do a bit about that. And then you're dead and you're in, you're sitting across the desk from God and he has like his back to you because he wasn't expecting you for like another fucking 30 years and then you're like and he turns around what the fuck you doing I died you know you died doing what? I was, uh, this guy built a submarine. And we went down to look at the Titanic. You know, God, God has to deal with fucking people dying every second, so he probably doesn't even remember Titanic, Titanic. Why does that ring a bell? Oh, you mean that fucking ship they were talking shit to me? Not even God could sink it, so I flicked a couple of ice cubes out of my drink. I remember that.

What do you mean you were going down to look at it for what? Fucking morbid son of a bitch. Well, now you can look at all the dead people you want. Welcome. Welcome. Here we are. Anyway, I'm babbling here. I got to get on with my life here. And so do you guys. All right. That's the podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts. Go blue.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday. October 3rd, 2016. What's going on? How are you? Oh shit, wait a minute. Today was supposed to be the fucking first day of the pink football and I didn't see any of that shit out there. Did they abandon it? Did I dream that it went away? They probably walked away. Too many people were getting wise. They made their money. The old filthy, stinking NFL snuck away.

With all their pink money to raise awareness. Yeah, we made our fucking money off of it. Maybe there's there's, I don't know, I thought it was in October, isn't that when the pink lady takes in all that money because everybody's suffering? Fucking asshole to buy yourself a pink yacht. Isn't that how it works? You know, then everybody walks around with a little fucking pink pocket square or some shit. Let's take a moment of silence to listen to all the money that is not going towards the disease. We all think we're trying to fight right now. Jets pass over fucking somebody eats some fucking cotton candy and onto the games. All right. I'm not going to be like this. Okay. It's Sunday when I'm recording this. I just got back from a fun weekend.

I did two nights in Madison, Wisconsin. And then I did a gig in Omaha, Nebraska. Went to the Cornhuskers game versus Illinois, which was a great time. Legendary, legendary football stadium. Can't believe I finally got there. Back in the day, I used to do, I'm going to actually talk to my agent

because I used to do so many fucking college gigs back in the day when I Was coming up and then somewhere along the line, you know you get a following and then you just go to the city and you either go to the club or if you're lucky you go to a theater or some shit and Somewhere along the line. I just kind of I got out of doing I want to get back to doing that shit But all I remember was I did a zillion fucking colleges in Nebraska in Kansas I was forever flying into fucking

Kansas City and driving out to Hayes Is Hayes, Nebraska or is it Hayes, Kansas? I can't even remember Dodge City Grand Junction I Can't I can't even remember. Dodge City? Grand Junction? I can't even remember the names of them. It was so fucking long ago. I just remember when you got on the 80 in Nebraska. Jesus Christ, Cleo, you're gonna scratch the whole podcast, buddy?

Huh? Come here, let me help you with that. It's under your collar. I got you, I got you, I got you, there it is. There it is, oh, look at that face. You know when they stick their face out a little further? Oh, that's the spot, there it is. Good?

All right, great, okay, anyways. Jesus, go on, go lay down, go lay down, buddy, go on, go on. So you go across the 80, you get about halfway across the state and there was this weird, like a fucking footbridge would just go across this highway. And major highway. I mean, you can basically take that thing

all the way out to San Francisco if you go west. And I think it, I don't know where the hell that one dies. I drove the 70 the whole way. That one dies somewhere. I drove it from like, picked it up in like Utah off of the 15 drove the 70 all the way into like fucking Pennsylvania Like a madman. I'll tell you that I drove cross-country in like three and a half days by myself With all my shit in my car my big square fucking TV You know parking next to you know in parking lots

sleeping fucking TV, you know, parking next to, you know, in parking lots, sleeping. I wouldn't even get a fucking hotel room. I got a hotel room one night, but then I had to, like, pick the fucking TV up and take it in. It was just a pain in the ass, so I was just like, ah, fuck it. The next night I slept in the car. Anyways, I drove like a fucking lunatic, like 70, 80 miles an hour the whole way there, and didn't get pulled over till I got to the George Washington Bridge and that's when I got pulled over and the cop came up The window go, you know, it's funny. I drove here all the way from Los Angeles. I just shut the fuck up. Give me a he didn't he didn't He didn't give a shit about how I thought it was a funny little moment that you know I just drove fucking 2,500 miles and I didn't have a problem and I got down to the last three miles of my trip and then I'm getting a ticket and

this this man did not give a shit and he gave me a ticket so anyways I'd done a bunch of college gigs out there so throughout the years that's how I went to all the baseball stadiums football and all that shit when I was on the road and every fucking time I would be anywhere near Nebraska and if they had a game, it was always at night. Or if they had a game, they were on the road and I was never able to go. So fortunately, I finally got to go and it was pretty cool. Actually met Larry the cable guy there. I'd never met him, seen him, you know, blow up throughout the years

and got to hang out with him. And he's like the fucking president out there. blow up throughout the years and got to hang out with him. And he's like the fucking president out there. So like they had like that, all their Heisman Trophy winners were there that day. So Mike Rozier came in and actually got a picture with him and Larry the cable guy photo bombed it in the background. I was there with Nate Crowe. We had a great fucking time.

So thanks to Larry for letting us in to his, his fucking, what do you call it, the living room, the suite there. It was just great. But anyways, the stadium was amazing. Those people are fucking loud too. That wasn't like the most riveting game either. Like the first half, of course, the part that I saw before I had to drive back up to Omaha Kind of sucked and also it really sucked because I bet Nebraska and they were given 20 and a half points And they're halfway through the second quarter. I'm just thinking why the fuck Would I give 20 and a half points to lovey Smith this guy This guy fucking coached in the NFL

Sorry, I'm yawning here. Guy coached in the NFL for like, I don't know how many goddamn years. Now he's at the college level. I'm going to give this guy 20 and a half fucking points. And Larry kept going, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. We scored more points in the fourth quarter than anybody else. And they actually came back and they made it close.

But by then I was long gone. And we drove up and had a great show in Omaha, which I've never done A gig there. I've landed at that fucking airport a zillion times, but I have never um Never did like an adult show. There was always like a college show. So um That was it was just a great fucking weekend, but I come home today I came home really early because I wanted to come home watch the Patriots

I come home today. I came home really early because I want to come home watch the Patriots see if we can go for no and I knew this was gonna be a tough game toughest game because Rex Ryan really gets up for the fucking Patriots and Bill Belichick and all that and We got a butts kicked basically we lost on all levels offensive line couldn't protect Who have the fuck's our quarterback, NC State guy there. Got our asses kicked on special teams. And you know, when you keep going three and out, your defense is going to get tired. But I got to tell you something, after all of that bullshit to only lose 16 to nothing,

I was pretty happy with that. And now fucking what's his face, Tom Brady's back. So it's over. It's fucking over. The whole fucking thing is behind us now. You know, I was worried what if we go 0 and 4? You know, 1 and 3 would suck, 2 and 2 would be great. 3 and 1 would be ridiculous and 4 and 0 is like fucking

impossible, we went 3 and 1. And then meanwhile, the crybaby Colts All your balls were too squishy Those fucking cunts went one in three Those fucking cunts flew to the other side of the world to get their asses wet by the fucking Jacksonville Jaguars You know what and in the end all of this bullshit the Patriots are three in one, the Colts are one in three, the football guards have spoken. Fucking horse shit. Dumbest fucking, most pathetic ass fucking, every fucking, that drives me nuts.

I keep saying I'm going to stop talking, but I keep going up and I just, I keep looking up the Colts and all the fucking shit that they did and just nothing. They get nothing Suck for luck remember that let's tank a whole fucking football season Been Andrew Luckwish's they didn't do that, huh? Anyway, so it's all back to normal and you guys can all fucking relax because I'm never gonna talk about this again I'm never gonna trash Jim or Jim or say again. I make a promise. I'll promise you guys that I will go at least I'd say 30 minutes into the next podcast before I trash him. Nah, I don't know. Whatever the next fucking things he does, I'll fucking

trash him again. But I'm just like Tom Brady's coming back, coming back against Cleveland, which is a decent team. It's where fucking Belichick used to coach. And then they let him go. They fired Bill Belichick. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Who knew? Who knew? Did anybody watch that Clemson fucking Louisville game, man? That was I was on stage when I was in Omaha, so I missed the first half,

but I came back about midway through the third quarter. What a fucking unbelievable game. I also miss Tennessee. Tennessee had like if it wasn't for the Clemson Louisville game, basically had the game a week to two weeks in a row. I think they're undefeated at four and O or five and O. Two and O in the SEC. Just a bunch of great games.

And I gotta talk to people like my people, all right? People in Massachusetts, people in New York, places where I've lived. Those are pro football cities. I'm telling you, you're fucking missing out. I feel bad for you if you're not into college football. I understand if you're married, you got kids, and at some point you got to take them out for a fucking ice cream.

I get that, but you're fucking missing out. I would just say, just pick a fucking team. I was never like a BC Eagles fan. I liked Boston University. And their football team, you know, doesn't exist anymore for whatever fucking reason. I don't know what happened. I used to go to those games when I was a kid

at Nickerson Field there, where I also went and I saw a USFL game. I saw the Boston Breakers versus the Washington Federals. We won, of course. The place was packed, too. I don't know. So just pick a fucking team. Just pick a team to follow. Don't be a douche and pick Alabama.

But you got to pick somebody competitive or you're not going to get into it. So I picked LSU, and I'm going to see LSU next week when they play Florida. And I don't know. It's going to be a weird I hope that game doesn't suck I didn't see how LSU did this week but I know that they fired less in their fucking offensive coordinator so it's kind of crazy to do that in the middle of the fucking season I've never really seen that before but anyways I made an ass of myself as always when I when I landed in

Nebraska because we had to get up at 7 in the morning because I thought the fucking game was at 1230. I don't know if when I was out here when I bought the tickets, if it just said it was just doing Pacific Coast time because we were two hours behind them. I don't know why you would do that. So I thought the game was at 1230. So I got like 7 a.m. flights out of fucking Madison, Wisconsin, connect in Chicago O'Hare, which is always a nightmare. You know, that fucking airports like nine miles long, right? So we fucking we connect

there and then we land. And when I got off, I was so fucking tired. And I'd gone out the night before like a fucking asshole. And when I landed, I saw this kid when I got off I was so fucking tired and I'd gone out the night before like a fucking asshole and when I landed I saw this kid when I was going to the rental car place he had this Kansas Jayhawks shirt on and I've always loved Kansas. I don't know why, one year I just started watching them. I just liked them you know and so I've always wanted to go to the field house and everything so I saw it I was like half asleep And I was just like oh shit Ken's you Jayhawks fan. He goes. Yeah, I go they play in Lincoln or Omaha Like I wasn't even thinking Like and the kids like they play in Lawrence, Kansas

And I just walked away and I was so fucking tired it didn't even hit me till Nate started laughing at me I was like, oh my god, he's gonna think I'm a fucking idiot He was like, hey listen to the podcast and everything. I was just like, oh, yeah Kansas. Do they play in Nebraska? That's basically what I said to him. He just sort of looked at me like no He probably walked away like wow, that really isn't an act. He really is that fucking stupid. So anyways, I want to read this thing to you. This is one of my favorite things that I've seen in a while. The Ryder Cup in golf. All right. I'm sorry that this is all fucking sports. You know, I can talk Trump for a second if you want to. What is this horse shit that they get the guy's fucking tax information?

Somebody sent that in. All right. I love everybody go, Oh, somebody, somebody that works from sends it in. Now, why aren't they being prosecuted for something like, you just can't take somebody's fucking tax refund and send it in. And then the fucking they, all they got is like, they got like one year of his shit or something like that. And they just looked at it and he claimed a fucking 900 something million dollar loss when his casino went out of business or something like that.

And then they go, and he legally found these loopholes. Keyword there is legal. So I don't understand. I fucking can't stand the guy. I'll tell you, I'm not voting for that fucking guy. I'm not voting for fucking Hillary either. And fuck all you cunts who go, well if you don't vote for Hillary, that's like voting for Trump.

Go fuck yourself. It isn't. I'm going to try to find somebody. You know, that's, I don't know, remotely fucking honest. To try to encourage more honest people to run for this fucking office. I just don't understand all the pussies out there. They're just cave and go, these are our two choices. I'll just fucking pick one of these.

And if you know, like they keep writing, I guess this is guy Gary Johnson. People are freaking out about like he's the next fucking great white hope, you know? He's going to somehow stop the bankers, right? Or some shit. And so they keep writing these fucking articles because they're worried that they just make the assumption that if you would, if you didn't vote for Gary Johnson, that you would vote for what's her face? Oh, crooked fucking Kathy there Hillary Clinton

I hate when they do that like they don't understand what people are doing when they vote for a Third option You know what I mean It's you saying fuck these two people and fuck both those political parties They just always assume that when you go that to that third party that you're really a Democrat Like there's no Republican out there sitting there going. There's no fucking way I can vote for Trump or Hillary, you know what I mean? I don't know. Anyways, let's let's uh, but the guy fuck like that somebody swipes his fucking Tax return that can't be fucking legal.

I don't think this guy has it laying around somebody. It's from 1995. Somebody obviously snooping for the fucking thing. Like basically there was a legitimate crime committed. The New York Times looks at his fucking tax refund. All they can say is that he legally found loopholes. So great. So then he didn't cheat on his taxes.

I don't know, like the fucking Clintons pay taxes? What the fuck are they doing? Throw their daughter a $3 million fucking wedding? The best of the most money Bill Clinton ever made was four and a grand a year fucking his president until he started giving all those speeches to the cunts that funded him they washed all their bribe money they're all filthy I'm the angry voter I'm gonna write in my dog hate when people now that's that's throwing your fucking vote away like everybody in Washington goes wow this guy was so fed

up he wrote his dog's name in guys I think we all need to stop and figure out what we're doing. Cleo, why are you so itchy? Cleo? Did you get into something? This dog, we got this great backyard as we're waiting for the fucking kitchen to get done. Did I tell you guys what happened? Did I tell you when they went to the floor, what the fuck they found? Yeah, that's now going to make it go an extra two fucking weeks. And we don't have this place as long as that,

so I think I'm gonna be staying in a fucking hotel. It's just, I don't know why we did it. I don't know why we did it. I mean, I was kind of all for, hey, why don't we just stay in the house until it catches on fire? And when the cloth wiring flashes or whatever the fuck it does and just burns the whole thing down, we just walk away from this.

Wouldn't that be great? Do you ever think of how fucking great having everything you own just burned to the fucking ground as long as you got some money in the bank? Obviously, if you don't have any money in the bank, that would be fucking... But if you just get, you know, you're working, you could just walk away from all of it, right? No more trips to goodwill, right? No more more nothing sentimental that you just can't get rid of anymore It's just all you got the fucking shirt on your back. You're like fucking Johnny Appleseed You know I got to tell you the longer I live the more urge

I have like I was out in Nebraska, and I was fucking in like Wisconsin, and I was envious I was like look at all this fucking space these people have who there's trees. They have water Shit doesn't just catch on fire out here. Sure. They got them tornadoes out there You know But I went down this road when I was in Wisconsin. I swear to God It's like one of those roads that they shoot a car commercial on. And I was just out there like in Nebraska going, this right here, this is where you could actually, you could have a fast car. You could ride a fucking motorcycle and not worry that someone's going to fucking kill you every three seconds. You could actually get your car, you know, up to 80,

90 miles an hour out here. LA, you got to try to do it at 3 in the morning and you get on the fucking highway and That's the only time those poor bastards can try to fix the fucking thing So then they have it all go down to one lane and you're sitting in traffic again at 3 in the morning so It's beautiful. I fucking love Wisconsin man. I'm a big fan of Milwaukee, too and Nebraska was the shit and I don't know. I think I would slowly you know who go crazy fan of Milwaukee too. Um, and Nebraska was the shit and uh, I don't know. I think I would slowly, you know, who would go crazy?

My wife would go crazy if I, if I brought her out there, first of all, cause she'd probably be like one of the only black people in Nebraska, but, but I would also be able to leave, you know, I could fly around and go do gigs and go to a big city and then fucking come back. You know, be hilarious. Then, then she'd wanna be a road dog with me. Like then she'd be all excited. Where are you going? I wanna go. Cause like, I don't know if you guys noticed,

but Nia never goes on the road with me unless I go, I'm going, if I go to Miami, all of a sudden, she wants to support me because I get lonely out there. If I go to New York city, anytime I leave the country, you know, but when I really fucking need her, you know, when I'm fucking going to, I don't know, going out to El Paso or some shit like that. But I can't even say that because I had a great time

when I was there. That's the fucking thing. When I go on the road, whatever people do, I just, people, there's no way people just sit around not having fun. They're gonna figure out how they're gonna have fun you just got to figure out where the fuck it is and you know who knows next thing you know you're in Jacksonville Florida at a fucking gun range shooting a gun with the silencer actually got to

fucking do that and everybody whenever they bring up Jacksonville oh my god there's nothing there all I think about is feeling like I was in the secret service right right Cleo? One of those James Bond fucking movies. There was a disappointing sound by the way The silencer it didn't have that cool fucking Movie sound it goes like didn't sound like that. Yeah a metal clanky sound It was really quiet if you were a light sleeper you'd wake up It'd be like did somebody just get killed in the other room? But if you're if you're like a normal sleeper, Cleo, you can't scratch the whole podcast

All right now, god damn it. You weren't scratching it all before I started and the second this Thing comes on just lay on the wires. Come here Do you have any concept of a podcast do you you can't just lay on the mixer? You're just looking at me like, can you fucking start rubbing my belly here or what? What are we trying to do here? All right, so let me get to my favorite fucking thing I've read in a long time.

Cleo, you gotta get off the wires. That's my fault, I called you off. I love you, buddy, but you gotta go. Go on, get over there. Go on, go see mommy. Go mommy go on go on I love that she knows what that means Alright, I gotta read this fucking thing here alright, so the Ryder Cup is like. I don't know what it is I fucking hate golf. I don't hate it. I like smoking cigars I like getting drunk, but I just I can't fucking I can't the fucking asshole stand over the ball for like nine hours

You're gonna slice it, just fucking hit the thing and drop another one. And they all fucking, you wanna talk about fucking cheaters? Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, I had a six. Six what? Fucking lost balls, you asshole.

We fucking saw you whacking at it. One of my favorite things to do when a golf is I count every fucking stroke if I'm on the fucking if I'm teeing off whatever the fuck you call it all right if I swing and miss I count that fucking thing because people no no no no no I was trying that counts you cheatin cunt you know why there's so much cheating and fucking golf because the people generally speaking who play it are not fucking athletic You got a lot of bankers. You got a lot of stuff shirts. You got a lot of people just motivated by fucking money They were never picked in gym class. Okay, they had their underwear yanked up over their fucking head and Had this anger in him. I'm gonna show him someday when I come back to the fucking high school reunion

I'm gonna have this fucking unbelievable car or whatever the fuck it is that deal or maybe they're born into money Or maybe I'm just completely full of shit, and and I don't like the sport because I am I my legs are white like the mozzarella Maybe that's what it is, but anyways I've been telling you guys that I I really like wearing golf clothes. It's so fucking comfortable. It's breathable and movable because there's so many fat fucking athletic fucks that play that game and they got to walk around. Who's kidding who they get the golf cart and they waddle up to their fucking ball. You know what I mean?

They got all this shit. They're stooped. They're fucking socks, matches a stripe in their collar, right? They got the baggy shit on. And you know them, when they go back with the club and they gotta move that fucking mush of mantits and belly underneath that shirt, you know what I mean? Like where your lat is or where that lat should be, right?

There's all this, it's all marbled. And that shirt their lat should be, right? There's all this is said, it's all marbled and that shirt has to fucking stretch. Right. So because of those fucking people complaining to the clothing companies, like that, I'm telling you, the shit is crazy how comfortable it is. I love it. My wife hates it. So anyway, so the Ryder Cup is basically when the Americans play, I don't know, I guess we play Great Britain and and somebody else who gives a fuck about golf, it's country versus country. It's like the Olympics,

except nobody really gives a shit, right? I know people care, right? So anyways, there's some fucking guy, Danny Willett, and he has a brother, and his brother just went off on Americans, the American fans. It's fucking hilarious. And I guess, of course, it's some big goddamn controversy, because somebody had the nerve to call Americans, you know, I don't, I don't, I've never understood why, why you can't

do that. Or why if somebody's, if your brother says something fucked up And you're in the public eye all of a sudden you have to answer for it Like this guy was like stammering like apologizing for the guy. I'd be like who said it Your brother. I who who said the thing that's you're upset about who said it My brother, right? Yeah. Well fucking go talk to him you cunt The fuck? And why can't they say that? Why can't they say that? And why does that make the sport lose fans?

You know what I mean? You know why? Cuz there's fucking kids in the world. My kid heard that. Well, did he? You know what else he heard? He heard you fucking your wife the other night. All right, that's his mother.

What do you think that did to him? What do you think was worse? Oh, Jesus, Bill. I'm always grabby when I fly that day. All right, here we go. So anyways, so I guess they're playing each other. And I guess we play in England, golf or some shit like anybody gives a fuck I guess a lot of people give a fuck but I don't so I

Assume no one else does because I'm self-centered. So anyways his brother was texting with somebody. This is once again I don't know how somebody found this if it was a fucking email or whatever Why don't I read for Danny Willett was quietly going about his business during a Ryder Cup practice round Wednesday morning when all hell was breaking loose on social media. Thanks to a scathing screed his brother wrote for a website in which he called Americans fat, stupid, greedy, classless bastards Stupid, greedy, classless bastards. You know what I love about that guy?

He just hit the nail on the head. Can we honestly, can we fucking argue any of that generally speaking? Come on, let's go through all fat. You got us. Stupid. Yeah. You know, I'll give you that. Greedy, Absolutely classless bastards

Totally 100 fucking percent dude this guy's insults on the fucking golf fans that show up to this thing It's like when Larry Bird would just be doing the three-point contest and he just kept shooting him through the net You know and when he ends it with classless bastards, that's the two-point ball the colored one in the end Dude I read this thing, like the headline says, Family Feud. Well, let's brother, how the fuck you say his name? It just says, colon, Americans, fat, stupid, greedy bastards. And I was on the plane and I burst it out laughing. And I was like, please let this article be as much of a joy to read as the headline.

And it was was he said the Man here we go stupid. I can't even say this word the excoriating of American golf Surely was not a part of Darren Clark's Captain's handbook part of which states the visiting team shall not rile up the opposition's home crowd with trash talk These were some of the choices of his words in the article. I got to read this fucking article. This is what he said, for the Americans to stand a chance of winning, they need their bang mob of imbeciles. The only thing that could make this funny is listening to this guy say it in an English

accent. This is the greatest shit I've written in a while. To get their bang mob of imbeciles to caress their egos every step of the way. Team Europe needs to shut those groupies up. They need to silence the pudgy basement dwelling irritants stuffed on cookie dough and pissy beer, pausing between mouthfuls of hot dogs so they can scream bubba buoy until their jelly faces turn red. He just keeps going. They need to stun the angry, unwashed, make America great again swarm, desperately gripping

their concealed carry compensators and belting out a mini erection-inducing mashed potato, hoping to impress their cousin. They need to smash the obnoxious dads with their shiny teeth, Lego man hair, medicated ex-wife and resentful children. Oh my God. If I wasn't so lazy, I'd give this guy a standing ovation. How do you get mad? I mean, how do you get, when a guy goes that hard, how the fuck do you get mad at that? I mean, that's hilarious. Come on, man. You, you, you, and then you could do the same thing about them.

They're, they're fucked up teeth of fat fucking fish and chip eating jackasses, Neo Nazi fucking racists beating the fuck out of each other at their fucking stupid ass pussy fucking football games. You can't use your hands. Everybody flopping around the ground. Dude, soccer is such a shitty fucking sport. Women's soccer is actually better than the men's. All right? And I'm just talking legit.

I don't mean like volleyball because they're fucking hard, dude. Look at the fucking ass on her. I'm not looking at them even remotely, even objectifying them. I'm just saying straight up as a sport. The fucking ladies play. Somebody trips them, they get up. These fucking guys are rolling around on the ground.

Oh my God. It's like watching musical theater without the fucking music. It's horrific. There, so I did that. Now does my brother have to apologize to me? Fucking standing ovation. I gotta give that guy a shout out.

Not to Danny, because Danny then for some reason, he asked, you know he laughed his fucking balls off in some really comfortable clothes, golfing clothes. He must have been laughing his fucking ass off and just be like, dude, why the fuck did you do that to me? He just goes, after that fucking masterpiece, all right, whether you agree with it or not, that was a fucking Lego man hair, our pissy beard, come on.

If they're fucking concealed carry compensators okay and then this is what he says you know off the record he laughed his balls off and then on the record he's just like I just like to apologize to everyone involved I spoke to him on the phone after and I was made aware after I was made aware of what was being said and I said to Peter I was made aware of what was being said and I said to Peter I was obviously disappointed at what was said and what was written about the American fans. They took me under their wing fantastically back in April I guess when he won the Masters and as soon as I got

off the golf course I went to see Davis and me and Davis had a chat for a few minutes about it all. He took it really well and he took it really well. They were fucking laughing their balls off. And you know what's funny is they got a picture of the American fans, you know? And there's three people in the photo and there's not one of them that I would not go out and get shit faced with.

I mean, yeah, these are the fucking people. You need those people. These are the people, they're not gonna do anything in life. They're gonna watch other people do shit in life and go fucking nuts, right? When you accomplish something and when you don't they're gonna say you suck and talk a bunch of shit about what they would have done, right? Who doesn't love being that guy? They're all draped in the fucking one guy's dressed like Uncle Sam.

Another guy for whatever reason, he has an American flag shirt and then he has like a park ranger hat on. Maybe that's a golf thing. And the other guy has got the fucking, he's got the American flag over his head while wearing a baseball hat. He looks like an, he looks like an old woman, like when she, like he's wearing like a shawl or something. Oh, that's fucking late.

There's nothing better, too. The dumber the fans are at a golf event when they're around pros, that's one of my favorite things. You know what I mean? Because everything about tennis and golf is, shh, shh, like stop talking, shh. You know what I mean? It's fucking NBA. You're going to take a fucking foul shot. Fucking shh. You know what I mean? It's fucking, look at the fucking NBA.

You're going to take a fucking foul shot. Like a third of the stadium is doing everything but taking their dicks out and shaking at your face. And these guys can consistently make it. How about a little focus? Tennis is the same way. Quiet please. Quiet please.

You know what I mean? They don't boo, they whistle. Oh, speaking of which, there's a fucking incredible documentary out there about Serena Williams last year when she tried to do the Serena Slam. I mean, she won four in a row. She won the US Open, but it was in in 2014 and then she won the Australian Then she won French and then she won Wimbledon. So that's four in a row right there. She did it the way Tiger Woods did it They like four majors went by and but I guess sir, but Serena Williams actually That's three one. Sorry. Yeah, Stephanie Graff actually did it and somebody else I forget her fucking name

Actually, I believe I haven't looked it up in a while, but I believe they did it in a calendar year. So I'll give them that one. But when they were breaking Tiger Woods balls, give me a fucking break. Nobody's even come close to doing that and he won four in a row. So whatever. And if you'd read Andre Agassi's book, Open, which even if you're not into sports, which I don't think anybody left listening to this podcast is not into sports after this fucking shit

That's all I've been talking about this week If you read his book, it's it's one of the best books I've ever fucking read as far as like an autobiography. It's on it's It's on like I fucking hate reading. I It's on it's on like I fucking hate reading. I got a DD out the fuck. I got I guess a mild form of dyslexia and I'm a fucking moron. So I mean, I got a lot working against me. All right. And I was riveted reading that book totally fucking engaging.

And if you've actually read that book and then you watch the Serena documentary, just like the just the what that sport does to your body and shit. It's fucking, half the fucking thing is her laying on a table, getting a massage, you know? That probably sounded all creepy, but I'm serious. If you read the Agassi thing and the guy's sitting there talking about, he's taking like a fucking hour long shower, trying to get his body to be able to move again. When he's just played the first round of a major and he's got to somehow fight his way through that

and getting shot up with shit. It's fucking unbelievable. But it's a great, great fucking documentary. You got to love the documentaries because my wife will not watch sports, but if there's a documentary about it, like a 30 for 30, you know, documentaries bring people together. You know, like I won't watch Real Housewives, but if they did a documentary on one of them and how the fuck they ended up on there, you know, they would be interesting.

You are an absolute fucking failure. If you if you make a document, an uninteresting documentary, I'm trying to think the last time I ever saw a Documentary that wasn't on some level interesting like you literally fucking watch somebody like hey, this is how they make milk bottles you know the The whatever the fuck you call it the The way we go about making it whatever that big word is the process, that's not that big, that's a medium word, Bill, has not changed. It's remained the same for hundreds of years. And you just go down a fucking rabbit hole

just watching that shit. Tom Papa, the great Tom Papa, fucking made me a loaf of bread. Me and, who's kidding who, he made it for Nia. Nia was the one asking for it, right? Tom doesn't give a shit about me. The man uses me, you know? Comes over here, he smokes all my cigars, he drinks all my liquor. Totally joking. Tom's one of the great human beings I've ever met. He's a great guy. He made it for both of us because he's a sweetheart. And so he was telling

me this whole thing about how, you know about how you make sourdough bread like the old fashioned way and how the yeast bacteria is in the air and you make like this concoction of like flour because yeast eats flour and you mix it with water and you got to leave it out and then when it starts to like for a couple of days and then when it bubbles up it's going to start to smell like beer and And, you know, and if you didn't fuck it up, you know, once it gets to a certain point, I don't know, you put like plastic wrap, it's like this whole fucking process just to get this thing called your starter so you can get the fucking sourdough taste in there, I guess.

And, and that, that concoction is one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen in my life And you just you just It's fucking unreal because once you make it you just keep feeding it and it keeps living and evidently in France Did they have these these concoctions that somebody started this starter or the or mother they call it mother which is really creepy started this starter or the or mother they call it mother which is really creepy like they started it like hundreds of years ago like a hundred years ago somebody started it and they just kept passing it down people just kept feeding the fucking thing it's really it's fucking bizarre but that shit

like if there was a documentary on making bread I would sit down and I would I would watch it you know but if there was a fucking sitcom about people that made bread, I would fucking take a gun out. I wouldn't kill myself, but I would want to. You know what I mean? Why do I always go to suicide? Does anybody else? I can just always think that. I just always think about like, yeah, you know, I could, I could either sit through this or I could, I could dive under that passing bus. I'm not going to do it. Hey, would you do it if you absolutely fucking knew? Without it, that'd be weird if you knew without a doubt that there was

there was a better place, you know what I mean? If you knew without a doubt, there was a better place and you were going to it. Like you got you got to be thinking back. There had to be a couple of events, you know, we just like, jeez, I got this paper due. I'm with this girl. I got to break up. I don't want to fucking break up with her, you know. It's just, all right, that was dark.

Okay, let's get out of that. You should never do that. It's not an option. There's always hope, you know? You know what's a great thing? You don't want to get you out of a depression? You get a dog. You get a dog like mine. That'll put you in a happy mood. Dogs are the fucking best. You know? You come home, they're just...

I know every comic has done a bit on this, but they're just so fucking psyched to see you. They're always fucking psyched to see you. You can never disappoint them. You know what I mean? They just love you. They're the best Do you know the other night, you know when I was I was fucking I had to move my car, right? And it was like, you know street cleaning day so it was opposite side of the fucking street parking So, you know, I'm like god damn it I'm at the drive like 15 minutes down the fucking road or some shit, right and my dog was already asleep But because it heard me going outside, it immediately got up and was looking at me like,

are we going out together? We going out? And I was looking like, no, no, just, I'm fucking just moving the car, relax, dude. So I go out there, I drive down the street, and it was like a 15 minute walk back. Took me a couple minutes to drive over there. So I was gone like 15, 20 minutes.

I come back to the house, my wife's already in bed. She's already in bed, she's not concerned about me, right? The lights are all off in the house. I open the door quietly, and who's fucking sitting right there, still waiting for me? My dog, still fucking waiting for me. And I just looked at the thing, I was just like, yeah.

And it wagged its tail, and I locked the door, and then it walked with me down the stairs to go to bed It was like it was like a bodyguard You know, I'm telling you they're the fucking best haven't said that some fucking lady on my flight On my way out like dude this whole I need my dog because I'm afraid to fly Fucking thing is getting out of control like the size of dog that you could bring on this person brought on a dog that was like The next weight class up from a carcass spaniel And a poor husband like is bringing the whole fucking doggy bed and I'm thinking going are they really thinking they're gonna stick that

In between the rows and they didn't they They jammed it in the overhead compartment. Like the two of them took up an entire rows overhead compartment. Just fucking selfish cunts. And every time I, you know, she'd walk by with the dog and look at her, she'd do that smile. Like, isn't it adorable? Oh yeah, the dog's adorable.

You're not, you know, you're a selfish fuck. That's what I was thinking. But then you know what? The dog was totally well behaved. It wasn't a selfish fuck. That's what I was thinking. But then you know what? The dog was totally well behaved. It wasn't a fucking problem. And of course they sat in the row right in front of me. And I don't know. I got to learn to let shit go.

I actually, I'm trying right now, two things I'm trying to do, all right? Not flip out when I drive and not get mad at technology. If I could do that, I would yell 80% less and I think my wife would enjoy her life a lot more, you know? All right. Well, I got to pause here to read some advertising. I don't even know if it's come in yet. And then I got to read the questions for this week. By the way, congratulations to the fucking Buffalo Bills. They've been looking great the last two weeks. You know, all you guys, all the Buffalo Bill faithful

out there, you were ready to kick Rex to the fucking curb. A lot of you were, right? Like he was going to turn around that shit show in a couple of games. He's a fucking damn good coach. And I don't know what his record is against Belichick, but he's got to be the closest to 500 of anybody. I mean, Tom Coughlin is the guy that owns Belichick. You know, he's the guy that when they all fucking hang out in the end, Bill's going to sit there laughing going, you know, you guys all gave me a rough time.

But this guy, this motherfucker right here, this guy's the guy. All right, let's see if I got the fucking advertising here. Come on, give me the advertising one time, one time, 624, where the fuck is it? And nothing. All right, I got to hit pause. It ain't going to be a big deal in your life. It's just going to be a couple of seconds.

Alright? I'm gonna give my dog a fucking flea bath. Alright? What's wrong with you? Alright, I love you too. Okay. Alright, I'm back. Just like that!

Just like that. Of course, I didn't fucking why would I turn it on till I get hang on a fucking second okay and I'm back again all right ah fuck goddamn phone is hot as shit all right oh shit give me the loop all right now we're on to the questions we're on to the questions yet that that that do do do why you guys ask me for advice? I know why, because you just want to hear me read out loud. I know it is.

I know you don't take it seriously. And anybody takes this seriously, you're on your own. This is a disclaimer. All right. Why would you take advice from me? I went to summer school, two out of four years in high school, should have gone all four. My sophomore teacher hooked me up, gave

me the D- and senior year. It was like, what's the point? Evidently, I have to learn to trade. All right, comic book stuff. Dear Billy Unbreakable, we all know how you hate Comic-Con stuff. I actually, I don't. I don't. It's just they're an easy target and I'm lazy. You know what I mean? I don't. They're just, they're an easy target and I'm lazy. You know what I mean? I don't know. I, although I recently watched some reality. I was on a plane, right? It was on the planes, the plane.

And there was some show and there was just these guys standing around in, oh, what the fuck? It's a comic book store out here and I started to watch it and they were all doing that fucking, if this comic book guy fought that comic book guy. here and I started to watch it and they were all doing that fucking if this comic guy Comic book guy fought that comic book guy and I can't I can't sit through that but I can sit through Dude, who is better Gretzky or Lemieux? Telling you if Lemieux didn't have those years off. I will I'll fucking stay in that forever

But you know, I I can't get into comic book shit as much as you know I like the superheroes when I was growing up, but then you know, I got't get into comic book shit as much as, you know, I liked the superheroes when I was growing up, but then, you know, I got older and I grew up. All right. Superhero movies and Loot Crate. I don't hate that shit. I just like making fun of it. You've mentioned in the past, the only superhero you liked was Luke Cage, a.k.a. Power Man. No, I like Spider-Man 2, Captain America, Iron Man. Batman was cool. more the comic book, on TV was, you know, I liked that show when I was younger, but then it was just sort of

silly, too campy for me. I liked the Heath Ledger, Batman, and I loved that Christian Bale, you know, even everybody made fun of his voice. It fucking made sense that he would change the sound of his fucking voice. You know, you guys know what my voice sounded like if I had a three quarter fucking mask on. And I just started talking to you. You'd be like, dude, what the fuck's with the mask bill?

You know, anyways, uh, well. You're should be, you should be excited to know he has his own Netflix series now. Get the fuck out of here, Luke Cage does. It's super popular and getting attention, not just because it's great, but also because it's topical. It knowingly acknowledges the significance of a bulletproof African American wearing a hoodie. Through the series, Luke engages with police officers who shoot him and leave holes in

his hoodies. The police often interrogate and harass black people in Harlem who have done nothing wrong. Oh, I got to watch that. He goes, my questions are, do you still like Luke Cage? Will you watch the series? Yes, yes. Do you think it's good to acknowledge Trayvon Martin and the Black Lives Matter movement in this way?

Yeah, why not? When you watch those fucking, those Pixar movies, they talk about global warming, you know? They had the ant thing and they go, you know, one ant's not tough, but you gotta, if all the ants start moving, they could take us over. That was all about like the fucking Bilderberg people. If they can do all of that shit,

why can't they bring up that stuff? I love it. Is that a good way to acknowledge this? First of all, who the fuck am I to say that? That's not an issue that has made my life like, I don't have to worry about my life. You know what I mean? So I would ask, why don't you ask black people that? Do you think it's good to acknowledge? Anyways, love your podcast and your stand-up. Greetings from Ontario. Yeah, I'm just like that's, I mean, I like when, I like as much as I've, I like Superman versus Batman, alright? I like when they do the comic book stuff and as much as like, you know, the people can fly and they're

fucking the size of an ant and shit like that, the more reality that they bring into it, the more grounded that they keep it, the more I like it. And I know Superman versus fucking Batman. They're like, Jesus, how many people did they fucking kill? That never entered my mind. I didn't give a shit. They're like, they did billions of dollars worth of damage. Who gives a fuck? My favorite thing was they were saying that superhero can't, they can't be out there acting unilaterally like they didn't like that Superman was going around just helping everybody regardless of you know whether they would trade with the United States or not and I just love that the

United States felt that they could claim Superman was fucked up I guess he got adopted by United States parents he did get a free education yeah the fuck are you doing? You know what, I stand by the American government on that one. No, but the more that they can bring in like the, just the real world reality, I think that that shit's great.

And the dark, I mean, in the comic books, it isn't always like dark, depressing, they're fucking loners. Like I never liked the X-Man thing. It just sounded like a bunch of whiny teenagers to me. They didn't go dark enough or make it adult enough. It was probably for teenage kids. Who's kidding who?

It probably wasn't for a fucking bald 48 year old male. We got to get these guys. This is our demographic. These are the guys that are going to buy all the fucking swag. I actually, when I was a kid, I read comic books and I really liked the drawings and the different ways that they would go about it. And when, you know, sometimes they take up a whole page and they draw something or they'd have like three of the squares with all like a bullet got shot and they just show where it went

and stuff like I really liked it I thought it was incredibly talented in that thing but I stopped short of like dressing up like them and having like a fucking lightsaber fight you know what I mean I guess that's where you lose me and you know to be honest with you what I'm doing is what a lot of people do is I'm taking like you know most golf fans are not like those fucking animals at the Ryder Cup screaming and yelling like a bunch of fucking lunatics you know what I mean a lot of them are you know you know that you know I went to the Masters people the people were fucking cool but it's

it's it's just fun to make fun of them I guess Jesus Bill did you retract everything that you've ever said about it? Sort of? I'm trying to be a better fucking person, man. I gotta stop, like, I just... The word cunt and all this stuff just flies out of me in public and it's getting worse. And it's gotten to the point where now it actually, for the first time in my life, like, embarrasses me. So I'm trying to see the other side of that.

And I know people are like, well, then you're not going to be funny anymore. Believe me, I will fuck up plenty in my life. I don't need to be screaming cunt when there's children around in a fucking airport. All right, Montreal Pit Bull ban. Hi Bill, I think your special Let It Go did a lot to educate people about what sweet and loving pets pit bulls can be. I don't have a pit bull myself, but I do not believe in breed specific legislation or banning certain breeds of dog just because they're more likely to be owned by assholes who will train them to be violent. I live in Ontario where pit bulls are already banned. When Mark Buh-uh, B-U-E-H-R-L-E. How the fuck do you say that? B-U-E-H-R-L-E.

Was in the Toronto Blue Jays? You mean on the Toronto Blue Jays? He chose to live alone in Toronto away from his family rather than give up their pit bull. Recently, Montreal Council voted in favor of a bill to ban new pit bulls and other dangerous breeds, as well as impose strict regulations on pit bulls already living in the city, including muzzling. Oh, putting a muzzle on them. From what I read, the bill seems to be a panic reaction to the death of a woman who died following a dog attack. Here is the article if you want to read it.

I would love for you to speak out against this super lame bylaw and continue to use your fame as a platform to educate People about dude. I don't do that I'm not gonna be that person. Hey, I have a podcast now. You should listen to me about social issues Perceived as dangerous you've been about Dr. Cleo is seriously one of my favorite things in life. Oh, thank you I wish everyone could hear it. Thank you so much. Bill, go fuck yourself. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know what the fuck happened up there, but like I don't think pit bulls are bad dogs. I will tell you, my dog's a fucking psycho and would try to kill you if he came into the house, would attack you because it's possessive it's envious jealous whatever the fuck it is and

my dog is dangerous and You know and if I'm standing there I can't be like Cleo these people are fucking cool, but I think what it is is with my dog with its personality and the information that I did not have access to. And I don't have like, like this dog like really like if this dog, when this dog's with my fucking trainer, like, and it stays with him, people come and go complete strangers coming to his house and the dog doesn't flip out.

But with me, it does. I let it up on on the bed I fucking snuggle with the thing and shit it thinks it's on the same level as me for whatever reason it feels like it is it has to run shit and I Just you know after a while because I'm so fucking busy. I just had to like Sort of adjust my life around the dog, which is not another thing you're not supposed to do but You know, I could walk it down the street it doesn't go after people But if someone just walks up to me out of no one starts talking to me it starts barking It doesn't growl or show its teeth, but it definitely considers it like a threat. So

But this is the thing what I've noticed since having this dog is that there are a bunch of dogs that do that of all breeds when I walk down the street. And what I see rather than the dog is I see the owner. And I am not, you know, I made a lot of mistakes with my dog passes and I go to get another one I I don't know if I can do it dude I don't know if I cannot have the dog be up on the fucking bed I have to be disciplined enough to do it I actually when I was in Vancouver one time or Seattle some this woman told me like she doesn't let her dogs walk on the rug I come home she goes I don't even look at him until I set everything

down they're waiting for her and waiting for her. My dog just gets to do whatever the fuck it wants. And I think that that can be a dangerous thing the bigger your dog is. So, what I would actually say is rather than have a pit bull ban, what I would say is if you're gonna get a dangerous breed, and a pit bull is a dangerous breed, and all that mean,

I'm not saying the dog is inherently dangerous, I'm just saying that if your dog goes to bite somebody, like anybody's dog can, the level of damage that a pit bull can do, versus if you get bit by a Chihuahua, you have to understand, you know, you have to understand, you know, you have to respect what you have. So what I would say rather than have a pit bull ban, I would say what if people before

you're able to have a pit bull, you have to take an intensive course and become a fully educated great dog owner Which is what I wish was available to me before I got my dog because I had to learn all these lessons the hard way and You know trying to undo all of this shit that the dog learned as I'm leaving every other weekend And I'm in a writer's room all day. It was like owning a dog is a tremendous amount of responsibility. So that alone, forget about all the fucking horrible people, human beings that are out

there that do horrible fucking things to animals. I'm hypocritical because I eat chickens and cows and pigs and shit and You know, they don't exactly treat them, you know, they always say it's free-range It's organic and all that shit and then you watch the documentary and they're cutting their beaks off and feed them cows and shit It's fucking horrific But But you know these people who fight dogs these people who like, you know I mean I honestly think like, you know, there was some case dogs, these people who like, you know,

I mean, I honestly think like, you know, there was some case in like New York where this guy just, he was in an argument with his girlfriend, he snatched the girl's dog out and fucking like spiked it on the ground and killed it. And the girl's, woman's daughter was in the other room. And this motherfucker only got 60 days. It's just like, you know, I just kind of feel like

somebody big enough should have grabbed him and spiked him down on a kitchen floor And then he'd have to fucking deal with the ramifications of that rather than my tax dollars paying 60 Paying for $60 with the free fucking meals for this guy to be in some fucking halfway house like the level of fucking anger issue that that guy has like I mean that that is like I anger issue that that guy has like I mean that that is like I don't know I don't know but that's that's it that's really a shame and that's a really that's what they're doing up there is they're trying to protect people and they they're not gonna throw any money at it so they're just gonna say all right no more of these dogs no more of these dogs that's what they're doing so you know but I got to be honest with you, getting mauled to death by a fucking pit bull.

I mean, do you want to go out like that? I mean, that's that's pretty fucking horrific. But and then also horrific is them then killing every other pit bull out there. So that would be my suggestion is that, you know, and if you are considering getting any dog I'm sure that there is just things that you could go out like I that's the number one fucking thing That I wish I did because I absolutely fucking love animals. I love dogs. I fucking love them and Everything that I do, you know is And everything that I do, you know, is probably wrong. Because the dog feels like it's on the same level as me,

and it has to run shit. And that's why people come through the door, and it flips the fuck out. And I have to put the, you know, I just know how the dog is. What I did, I just adjusted to it. I'm just like, all right, I know I'm having people over. So I just take the dog downstairs, and I just keep in the

room downstairs. Nobody even sees the fucking thing. That's the way I had to operate with my dog and I can tell you that that's one way to do it but it's not the way to do it because there's that constant anxiety of thinking what if it ever got out? What the fuck happened? Oh my god blah blah blah and I have to live with the guilt of someone else getting hurt and then I'd get the shit suit out of me I mean, it's a it's a really serious fucking thing when you get a German Shepherd if you get a pit bull if you get a Doberman pincher if you get a fucking golden retriever I mean those dogs can fucking do damage and the fact that you can just go oh my god It's cute and just take the fucking thing home

Forget about if you found it by the LA River and you have no idea what the other people did to it. I mean, I know my dog got abused. I picked up my hockey stick when I first got it and I was stick handling in the living room, as you do, right, and the dog immediately ran to the other side of the room and I was like, oh my God, somebody was hitting this thing

with some sort of a stick. So what I did was I just laid the hockey stick down in the middle of the room and I was like, oh my god, somebody was hitting this thing with some sort of a stick. So what I did was I just laid the hockey stick down in the middle of the room. I went all the way in the opposite side of the room and I just, I'd call the dog over and the dog would come over and go all the way around this stick and then come over, lick me on my face and I'd go, I go back to your bed and it would go back to its bed and each time it sniffed the stick a little bit more a Little bit more and I just baby stepped it to the point where by the end of it I could you know stick handle in my garage You know with the tennis ball and shit and it didn't give a shit

But I wish I did that on other areas, but I never Once you see your dog going after somebody you never quite trust it again And then you have that fear and then they sense the fear and they process that is. The fear is the person at the door and it's a fucking it's it's I've learned so much by fucking up. So my next dog, um, I will not make those mistakes, but I don't think that it is a problem with the breed. I think it's, uh is a problem with the breed. I think it's

it's the the The size of the dog and the mistakes that I fucking made, you know, so anyways moving on. All right moving to the States Hey, Billy Sletpeg, I'm a 21 year old guy from Sweden and I'm thinking about moving to the US but I can't decide where I've narrowed it Down to three cities New York York, San Francisco, and LA. Great fucking choices. So my simple question is, where do you think a guy in my age will have the most fun? And by the way, will your new special be on Netflix? Yes, it will be.

Can't wait to see it in season two of F is for Family. Hope you and Neil lives continue to be great. Well, thank you. Go fuck yourself. And FDT, I don't know what that means. Fuck something or other. All right. It depends on what you want to do.

All right, you are going to get fucking laid in all three of those cities. Coming over there, Swedish guy, you can speak fucking another language. I mean, it's over. It's a fucking rap. You can have an accent. You know, it's a rap. You're going to get laid. It all depends on what type of women you're in and what kind of weather you like. If you can deal with the winter, I would say go to New York City. New York City is the Paris, the United States, it's the best one we have. As far as like just culturally, it's just fucking amazing.

San Francisco is fucking unbelievable too. Like the first of all, the food and all three of these are unbelievable. San Francisco is going to be the most expensive, believe it or not. All that computer money, I guess, is fucking ruin that city. Then New York and LA is actually starting to get really expensive too. LA, brutal fucking traffic. There is a drought. And what would I do?

21, you know what, man? I think I would go with New York just because if you want to go back and visit, you're cutting out like five hours of the flight. When you were in New York, I would visit San Francisco and LA, you know? But, you know, don't sleep on others. There's a bunch of greats. Madison, Wisconsin's fucking great. Pittsburgh's the shit Cleveland's coming around you know every time I go there it's getting fucking better and better um I love all those fucking rust belt cities um Chicago's the shit Nashville

New Orleans there's so many fucking places to go so many fucking places to go uh but I think New York is a great place. It's a great place, you know? And there's a lot of liberal New Yorkers there, and they just think anything from another country, especially any country from Europe, is just automatically better and more amazing. So, you know, and you'll be a good person for them to fucking sit there shit on the United States. It's like you guys put your shoes on this way and we do it that way. It was like I was just my wife listens to NPR and they were sitting there talking about how in one of those fucking you know countries over there where they have a million people on bicycles

no one really gets fucked over by someone opening the car door into them. You know when they parked because they have this thing called the fucking whatever they open the they open the door with their right hand so that gets them to look over their shoulder and they acted like it was this astounding fucking achievement and why didn't we ever think of that I'll tell you why we never thought of it because no one rides a fucking bike over here 90% of people do not ride bicycles over there everybody rides a fucking bike just about most people can't even afford a fucking car. They have bike lanes It's a part of how they grow up. That's the only reason why it's like I never used to look for motorcycle riders until I rode a motorcycle and then now I always you know, I

Creep over to the left. Let them drive along, you know in between I always make sure I'm looking for them You know, and I never did that before I rode. So anyways, I'm off on a tangent here. Okay, friend being taking advantage of at a fire station. The fuck does this mean? They're making him cook all the chili or are we talking molested here? Dear Mr. Burr, a good friend of mine is trying to be a firefighter and I feel like he's totally become their bitch. Instead of being hired full time, his fire department has him hired as like a reserve or whatever and has him working full-time hours basically. That would be nice but since he's a reserve he's literally getting paid like below minimum wage. He's been doing this for around a year or so and the department

he's in definitely is understaffed. They just don't want to make him full-time because they would have to pay him an actual salary Now I don't know anything about jobs and careers and stuff But I feel like he's definitely getting taken advantage of what should I do should I tell him he's being fucked over? Would love to hear your opinion on the matter love the podcast can't wait for us for family go fuck yourself And when are you coming to Northern, California? All right um, I would say I would just say to him say hey listen, you know, I know that, you know, I would just bring up work. How's it going at work? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Do they have any plans of making you full time anytime soon?

Listen to what he says and then just ask him. Well, you know, how long? So what's the game plan? Have they hinted anything about it? And just see what he says. Sometimes it's hard. You got to let your friends learn hard lessons. Sometimes you just got to kind of let him get fucked over. I mean just bring it up, see what the person says, and uh, hopefully your friend doesn't like that guy in the joke in Goodfellas, you know, that just meh... Means he's content to be a jerk. What am I going to say? that my wife two times me? Yeah, that's what I would do. I would just bring it up. I've had friends in those situations and, you know, that can be very difficult.

Yeah, so that's what I would do. That's a simple one. Just bring it up, ask them how they're going and ask them if they have any plans. And then I would say, so, you know, not them how it's going, and ask them if they have any plans, and then I would say, so, you know, not trying to be nosy, I'm just looking out for you, you know, because I want to see you succeed. What is your plan then? Because there are other firehouses out there where you could maybe get hired on. All right, Jim Ursay guitar collection. Oh, Jesus, my buddy Jim Ursay. Hey, Billy B. Bender. I was reading the guitar of Fictionado magazine this month, and there was an article about Warren

Hayes playing Jerry Garcia's guitar, Tiger, at Red Rocks a few months back. This was the last guitar Jerry ever played live before his untimely death. Anyways, long story short, the article went on to disclose Jim Ursay was the actual owner of the guitar. Well, that's what happens with most of those instruments. They are owned by rich people who are not musicians. I'm not saying they're not lovers of music, but that's where it all ends up.

And then actual musicians, they buy their own gear, and then they make that gear legendary. You know what I mean? I was, I was, you know, I did that shit. I bought a 71 Ludwig Green Sparkle, John Bonham fucking kit, like, so then what? Now I'm gonna play like him? That was an expensive lesson to learn.

You know, but I know there's some other kid, you know, going down to fucking pro drum shop out here in LA and he's going to buy a fucking kit that's a particular color and everything and he's going to tune them up or she's going to do it and they're going to have a sound and they're going to put it together and then everybody's going to want that kit. So it doesn't surprise me. I mean, he owns a team in the NFL. This guy's a fucking billionaire, right? He said he paid $850,000 for it at auction.

You know what's great about Jim Earthsay money is if he's a fucking billionaire, all right, even if even if you fucking if you had if you had 100 million million bucks spending eight hundred fifty thousand dollars is spending less than one percent of your fucking money But if you're a billionaire then what is the fucking decimal point moves over one more is that it is at point zero one percent Less than that. I don't know. He said he paid in a fifty thousand for an auction not to mention He also owns Bob Dylan's Stratocaster from the Newport Festival, George Harrison's Gibson SG. Jesus, what a fucking collection. And even Prince's Yellow Cloud guitar.

Although I appreciate someone preserving musical history like he has, as a longtime guitarist and Patriots fan, I say fuck him for not allowing these guitars to be in the hands of musicians. What are your thoughts? I separate Jim Ursay, the football owner, when you start talking about his guitar collection, then he's just a regular person to me, you know what I mean? So he's just a rich guy, that he's a music lover and I don't think they should necessarily be in the hands of musicians because I think that you should be influenced by great artists, not go out and try to do what they already did. I think the fact that you as a musician will go out, you know,

like if I was a musician, my goal would be like I would want my guitar to be famous too. Like how Stevie Ray Vaughan's, you know what, John Bonham's Vista-like kit became famous. Like none of that, none of those things were famous. No one knew what they looked like until they got into the hands of those unbelievable artists. So I think that the reason, the fact that they go for all that money and they end up in rich people's hands is just a testament to the greatness of the musician and how music affects people. Even a guy who's a fucking NFL owner, the fact that he's into the dead, he's into George Harrison, he's into Prince,

he's into Bob Dylan. I mean, you Harrison, he's into Prince, he's into Bob Dylan. I mean, you can't fuck with any of those influences. The guy's got good taste in music, you know? But there's no magic in those guitars, though. I mean, I could literally have Bonham's kit and I'm going to sound like a comedian playing drums and you guys are all going to be like, hey, can you fucking knock it off? You know what I mean? So I don't think that they, I think that they,

they're just like pieces of history now, I think. Like if you have like fucking Napoleon sword, I don't think that, oh, well, that should be in some other fucking dictator's hands chopping somebody's fucking head off. I mean, I don't think so. I just think that if you're into that type of shit, which I totally am, I'm completely into memorabilia, but I refuse to buy any because so much of it is fake.

And also, I just have enough shit in my fucking house. I don't need any more shit in my house. And I also don't want my fucking house to look like a fucking, a fucking hard rock cafe, you know what I mean? Where I got fucking Jim Morrison's fucking Me Undies on the wall. Framed, you know? And there are probably some guy, and there's probably, I have a better chance of being Jim Ursay's fucking Me Undies than Jim Morrison's. So, yeah, I don't begrudge him.

And I think it's I think that's fucking awesome that he has it because. Well, I guess that's why musicians should put maybe I don't know, there is something cool to touch the thing. Like if you could ever like just hold that that Jimmy Page double necked SG that he played Stairway to Heaven on. If you could just fucking hold that thing and just feel like like I think if you just start whispering when you had it like oh my god this is a he looked at John Bonham and would give him the nod when he was coming out of the song you know okay that was probably creepy listening to me

fucking whisper I would be like that around that shit. But hey man, if you got the fucking money, you know, they can have it. So there you go, man. Go make your guitar fucking legendary and then see how much Jim Erce will pay for yours. You know, but then again, you'd have to be dead. Well, Bob Dylan's not dead when you give it up for auction. My dog right now is sitting just to the left of my computer. She's staring intensely at me. She's been fed. she's been out, and everything like that. And all that says is she wants to be let up on the couch. And you know what? I can't do it. I'm gonna turn it around!

I'm too weak. I can't resist. She's too fucking adorable. Why is your head shaped like a fucking muscular light bulb? You ever notice that, you little bare face? Huh? Why can't you be like this with company? Why can't you see that I'm relaxed around them and then you're relaxed? Why do you treat everybody like they're a fucking axe murderer?

Huh? Alright, that's the podcast. Um, go fuck yourselves and uh, I gotta say again, congratulations to Bills, and that they're turning that fucking thing around there. I always liked the Bills back in- I don't like their fucking fans, cause I had a bad experience when I went out there and I wore a Patriots hat. And this, you know, three fucking people when I was taking a piss pushed me. Fucking pussies.

Um, but anyways, I also had a fucking Patriots hat on in their stadium, and I had my dick out. What the fuck was I thinking? Give me Jesus Christ, why don't I just slit my own throat? But I liked them from back, you know, Joe Ferguson, OJ Simpson, and all those days. And it was always snowing. And I always liked the Buffalo Bills from back then. So that's what happens. You start to like a team when you're a kid, you know. Even when they become your rival, you don't give a fuck.

So, Psych Tom Brady's coming back. And I'm just going to say a bunch of shit that I already said. All right, go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday. What's up everybody and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show NFL edition for week number five. Uh, with your hosts, me, Paul Verzi over here, Bilbo over there. Got the Greek freak out in Beverly Hills over there and you know this ain't a show without Jake the Snake with the injury reports. Bill, I just got, oh you know what, before we do that let's just shout out our sponsor. It's the Bet MGM Sportsbook guys, the best book out there. Right now, BetMGM is offering $1,500 in free bets to get your

season going. How to get this offer? In four easy steps, you download the BetMGM Sportsbook app on any of your devices and use our code. That's code BURR. B-U-R-R. You sign up and you deposit at least $10 into your BetMGM Sportsbook account place your first for first wager and receive up to $1,500 back in bonus bets if the bet loses if the bet does lose Oh, don't you worry because bonus bets it will be available once your initial wager is settled We also have the first touchdown offer here, which is always fun You simply place a prop bet on who the

player you think is going to score the first touchdown in any NFL game. If your player doesn't score but instead scores the second touchdown you'll get your stack back in cash. Bill I just got good news. I was talking to somebody saying oh I had a good week I I went three and one. And somebody goes, no, I think you went four and oh. And I go, I don't know if the Packers covered. And I just found out that I did get that. And I went four and oh, which fucked that I need.

So it felt better to hear that. That's good. You're back. Paul Verzi in October. No, not back. But I'll take it. Dude, this has been the most miserable fucking year gambling. This fucking year, I don't know who the fuck anybody is.

It's so weird. It's like the Bills kicked the shit out of whoever the fuck they kicked the shit out of, and then they play the Ravens, and it's like they can't even play football. Oh, my God. I-I-I just, I-I fuck this year dude fuck this year dude Since the daddy I don't know all I know is my pats suck. That's the only bet I fucking hit last week Everybody like who the fuck is anybody right now Paul? Who the fuck can you look at the team and be like this team is this this team is that this?

I'm telling you dude. I am getting NBA in the 2000s vibes and my prediction is the fucking Chiefs are gonna play the Ravens in the AFC championship game and the refs are gonna fuck the Ravens. Because the Chiefs are their fucking cash cow. That's their story. Patrick Mahomes, is he the next Tom Brady? Can they fucking 3P? My God, Taylor Swift.

That's their cash cow. So the level that you're gonna have to beat those guys You're gonna be up by like fucking 1718 points in the fourth fucking quarter We should do a side bet me and you should do a side bet because I think somebody takes the Chiefs out this year I think I don't think the Chiefs are gonna three Pete this year So if you want to do a side bet, we should do that. What is giving you that indication, Paul? That's like the level of fucking holding that those fucking guys do is just, it's fucking insane on both sides of the ball, on both sides of

the fucking line and the refs are just standing there. Yeah, no. I mean, listen, there's definitely favoritism, but I think a team's going to just literally like, he goes like this to huddle up, he does this stupid thing, and they fucking zoom in on his fucking hand. It's a fucking movie, dude. It's a fucking, what am I watching? What is this fucking lethal weapon? And they're like, where the fuck's my camera?

Where's the camera? And they zoomed in on it. Yeah, yeah, no. Let me ask you this question. You've been watching NFL longer than me. When was the last year that the NFL was this weird and unpredictable with 15 P&M? Why are the commanders all of a sudden

fucking great last week? Dude, two weeks in a row. And then this week I'm supposed to be like, oh, they fucking turned it around. And now the Ravens kicked the shit out of the Bills. I'm supposed to say, oh, that's who the fucking Ravens are. They're gonna lose this week to the Bengals. Listen every year I fucking lose to the book like most people but not like this year this year is just like this it's like every team is fucking bipolar yeah

no it's weird I'm over it dude I don't give a fuck I just picked four fucking teams that I don't give a shit I'm like a housewife at this point. Speaking of that, you go first. All right. I'm going to take the Pats minus one, playing the Dolphins. They're a chicken without a fucking head. They don't have a quarterback. And I feel like we have a good coach. We played good enough in the first two games that we can beat a team that's as banged up as the Dolphins are. Pats minus one.

Now watch, we'll lose by 40. And next week we'll win by 40. that's as banged up as the Dolphins are. That's minus one. Now watch, we'll lose by 40. And next week we'll win by 40. I'm gonna take, I like that. I think that unfortunately the Dolphin season is horribly because of that injury. I hope that tour guy's gonna be all right, man. I know, man.

He's a young kid, he's got his whole career ahead of him. I'm gonna take Aaron Rodgers and the New York Jets, getting two and a half. Everybody thinks the Vikings, this and that, and I keep saying Sam Donald's gonna lose and he hasn't yet, but if the Jets lose this one, I just think the Jets are gonna figure something out, and I think Sam Donald is due for a bad game.

I know I said that two weeks in a row. I'm just going to take the Jets getting two and a half in Minnesota. I'm going to take the Chiefs getting five and a half, laying five and a half Monday night. I like that officiating crew. I think they like Taylor Swift. You know, I think the Kelsey brothers should do some more commercials and you know I think we should just gas these guys up just make them as big as they can as we wait for the next Brady Elway Peyton Manning to fucking show up in

the league. In the meantime we'll just keep propping these guys up. I'm gonna take them minus five and a half against Derek Carr and the Saints. How funny is that if you were like this? I got to tell you, I looked at the report of the officials. These guys are good. They don't like barbecue. They don't like vinegar based. They like molasses based. So I'm going to take the cheese over the Panthers.

All right. Um, I like that pick. Let's see here. You know what? I'm going to take the commanders. I'm going to take the commanders. The Browns have had so many opportunities.

I think this Jaden Daniels kid, this rookie is really kind of good. We'll see what happens. I could be wrong. But I think that they're going to hit a stride this year right now, and I'm going to take them minus three and a half. I don't love to have a point, to be honest, but I think that they're a better team than the Browns. So I'm going to take the command of the moment. I agree with all of that, Paul, and that's why I'm taking the Browns, because it makes no fucking sense that they're going to show up and win.

Oh, a little head-to-head. Nice. I got two head-to-head. I got another one coming for you. Oh, I like it. All right. I don't give a fuck. I'm like the angry voter right now. I'm just waiting for some guy with the two by four that's telling me that he's going to turn the country around and I'll vote for him even though he can't complete a sentence. All right. complete a sentence. All right. Oh man. Dude, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna take the Packers again. I'm gonna take the Packers minus three against the Rams. I don't know who the Rams are. One week the Rams win, the next week, I don't know. I'm gonna just fucking stick with the Packers because their backup quarterback is good and their first

string quarterback is good. Minus three. Is Love playing? Jake the Snake? Oh yeah, Jake. We need a little Jake the Snake appearance. Hey, how you doing? Hey, how you doing? Jake the Snake here for the ladies. What have we got? Jordan Love is expected to play this week. Yeah. Um, cause he, yeah, he's, he's back. He was back last week, you know, they're limiting him in practice, but he's gonna, he's gonna play again. Um, so do you like him against Vince Ferragamo? Yeah, I do. Stafford, Matt Stafford,

tough as nails, getting it done with his two top receivers out Yeah, he's a great player. Oh guess what? I like Sam Darnal after saying I don't like the quarterback with darn in his last name I'm gonna go with the Vikings. I just think I don't fucking know the Jets allegedly have a good defense Where the fuck has that been the last few weeks? Yeah Dude I watched this this fucking video on Moses Malone. Yeah. Moses Malone, dude, like you never saw it like a guy back then. He moved like a fucking point guard. He could handle the ball. He'd go into the trees, go up and under and do a fucking layup

and pick his seven foot legs up. He could dunk on anybody in the league. Was he seven foot? Yeah. Wow. He's a man child. He came right out of high school, went right to the, I think he went to the ABA.

I think the Houston Rockets were ABA. I can't remember. But I'm listening to people talking about him. And God bless Bill Walton, rest his soul. But he goes, no, he wasn't the most skilled player. It's like, what are you talking about, dude? Yeah.

What are you talking about with your banged up feet? Your fucking headband. What are you, he wasn't the most skilled player. The guy was fucking unbelievable. He took the 76ers to the promised land. Yeah, I didn't even know Moses. People can't give it up to for somebody's fucking greatness is I shit on the chiefs. Old Billy hypocrite here.

No, no, no, no. You're right. They did. Come on, man. They know. All right, here we go. My fourth and final pick. This is the one that I.

I do like that was she rice and I also like that defense. And I like that defense, but what the fuck? Holding the phone. No, Rishi Rice is out. Rishi Rice is out. Rishi Rice is out. His knee is ripped. He's gone for a year.

Oh, fuck me. But no, they still got What's His Name. Well, I'm probably gonna lose that one. Paul, can I punt this week? Is that all right? Can I just take a knee? Can I Jeff George and turn around and throw the ball out of the fucking end zone? I mean, I don't know who the Raiders or Broncos are.

Paul, I haven't gone three and one in like a fucking year. I go two and two every week, and then once in a while I get a one and three, and then I fucking lose four games to the book every fucking year. Yo, Billy Winsome looses You're Billy Winsome Loose. Not Billy Winsome Loose son, I'm going under. Lifeguard is fucking talking to some hot chick on the beach. I'm going under for the third time over here, Paul.

I hate this Falcons bucks game. It's a division game. I hate it. What the fuck, what the fucking years last week? I know, I know. Where the fuck did that come from? Um What's going on the eagles are the eagles not playing oh the eagles played right what's going on Why are the eagles not on here? Is that a bye week? He's still president

The second he said he wasn't running. I haven't seen him since Oh, dude, I did a joke about that on stage in Tampa. I go get in the basement and shut up. I want to hear it. I just got him on the back porch on a fucking rocking chair with a blanket on his legs. This Bills Texans game is literally a pick them. It's a literal pick them in Houston. The Bills are coming off a bad loss. I'm not going to touch it. They're coming off a great win. And then a bad loss.

And then you got the fucking Arizona Cardinals. Look at them every other fucking week. In all the years I've watched NFL football, this is the first time I feel like I'm throwing a dart at a board. I don't know. I mean, there's a couple I like, but I don't know. You know what I'm going to do? Paul, usually by this time in the year,

you're kind of fucking starting to figure out who people are. At least I like but I don't know. You know what I'm gonna do? Well, usually by this time in the year, you're kind of fucking starting to figure out who people are at least I like to think I'm gonna take this is what I'm gonna do cuz when to lose now if they lose now The season is over They just gave this kid fucking 200 million dollars and they're owing for I'm gonna take the Jacksonville Jaguars at home for. I'm going to take the Jacksonville Jaguars at home, minus two and a half against the Colts who I believe Richardson is out, right Jake? We don't know for certain. He's questionable, but he could, yeah, he's banged up, but he could play in that game.

I'm going to take, I'm going to take Trevor Lawrence Lawrence He seemed like a nice kid when I see him when I saw him eating a buffalo chicken sandwich at a golf course in Vegas He's all in four. He's all in four dude if they go all in five I mean, he's already his chances already out. I like the way he's looking at his offensive coordinator, dude He's looking at everybody fucking answers. Like what are we doing here? That's the thing The problem is not Trevor Lawrence. It's something somebody with a clipboard isn't giving them the right shit. Yeah, I'm just going to take them at home because it's under a field goal. A field goal wins it and they need their own for their desperate in front of a home crowd.

There you go. My fourth and final pick and I'm sticking to it. Well, I would have a better chance of picking a Korean baseball game right now than I could pick a fucking NFL game. Yeah. Anybody is out there. Whatever I picked, go go the opposite. You're going to go with anybody out there. You're going to go at least fucking three and one.

Who sang that song? Is that Van Halen? That was Def Leppard. Def Leppard. Yeah. What is it? Photograph? Which album, Bill? Anybody out there? I think that's the Pyromania album. Does anybody care? Is that what they say? Anybody wonder?

By the way, Def Leppard, underrated, I think. So good. Pyromania, it was Pyromania. Pyromania. What year, Andrew? Pyromania, high and dry. Those are the... 1983, Pyromania, dude. I'm going to start downloading it. You know what? I'm flying out to Washington to hang out with my buddies this weekend. Oh, the Jordans are packed. The Jordans are in the fucking the Jordans are in the luggage with the crease beast. I'm coming out there and I may put some Def Leppard in the ears on the fucking

Wait, what's the crease piece? Do you have shoes? Do you have shoe trees for your sneakers? I there's a new invention, Bill. He's laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bill, wait a minute, Bill, you know, you have shoe trees for your gym shoes. No, listen to me. Yeah, Bill, you know

when I get excited, Bill knows me well. So the sneakers crease. So they tried doing these. The old invention was like this ugly plastic thing. But a sneaker head came up with it. Oh, Bill, there's gotta be a better way. Here's what they got. Sneaker heads are the gayest straight people in America right now.

But this guy knew what he was doing. He came up with a cushy thing that goes in. Oh, did he? And I'll show you. They look crisp and fresh. Oh, dude, they're really comfortable. Oh, diddy! And I'll show you. They look crisp and fresh! Oh, dude, they're really comfortable. Oh, wow! I'm gonna show them to you. That's amazing, Paul. Maybe you can fucking laminate them and walk around. They could be shiny and new your whole fucking life. No, they're inside the shoe and cushy. Paul, I can't even, there isn't anything more fucking boring

than listening to two sneaker heads talking about which Jordans they like the best. And they're always like 50 year old guys. Yeah, I don't like that. With the cement, with the flying Jordan guy in teal. Over. Dude, I got a matching bathrobe. You like chicks with their fucking shoes in the closet.

They're sneakers. No, no, listen. Look at these. Look at these fucking things. Jordan ones. Those are classics. Yeah, smokes. I didn't fucking walk around and put fucking shoes. What's a shoe tree? Shoe trees. What's a shoe tree? A shoe tree is what a salesman puts in those wooden things you put inside your fucking wing tips. Oh, oh, like when they're off. Yeah, so you don't look like Willie Loman when they look down at your feet going, should I buy something off of this guy and your fucking shoes are collapsing like your dreams?

Oh, my dad had those big wooden blocks that he had put in his shoes. Yeah. I don't know what you meant. Oh, I know. He was barefoot and his shoes had tassels on them. Garin fucking Teague. And he had shorts, Larry Bird shorts on. Yes, there we go. That's a shoe true. A box. Yeah. My dad had the wooden ones that were like shiny. It's hysterical.

The amount of brand new Jordans that are thrown out because they get a crease in them and floating in the ocean that some sea turtles fucking floating around. 45 year old men have to walk out of the house looking like it's the first day of school and eighth grade every day of life. I don't know why people don't donate them to people that need sneakers. There's a whole fucking thing for that. Homeless people and shit. Like, why would you throw them out? I don't know what you guys do with them.

And then I don't know. Paul, I mean, I literally watched you walk on your heels for a quarter of a mile. Yeah, those were- Where were we? In Minneapolis, you walked on your fucking heels with your toes up. That's one of the greatest laughs me and Barton ever had.

I almost went over and took your hand. I was going to take off my North face and put it over a puddle. I remember that trying to think which one those were. I think those were going to stop dressing like Jay-Z in 2002, Paul? No, I don't got- You made the album, how crazy is that? Look what I got on now. I got these.

Oh, oh my God. Yeah, these are $30 Marshall. Look at those Caitlyn Jenner threes. Look, these are The dad twos. Were those Reeboks? It was a Reeboks. Yeah, I'm just like, dude, I'm just listen, I don't give a fuck about your sneakers. I just fucking you know,

you went one and three. Fuck betting this this year for me. It's just been a bad relationship. I just you're doing better than I am. Dude, what about me? I was down eight games. I was ready to fucking- People were going, hey, Verzi, I lost my house on you. Yeah, but Paul, what you have going for you is this delusion.

Yeah. Like, when I lose, I'm like, I suck. When you lose, you're like, this isn't me. This isn't me. This is the funniest shit. I can't see it. I can't see it. I can't see it.

I'm not seeing it. It's like everybody who gambles fucking loses. Not me. But dude, you're on your... Paul, the only thing I have going for me this fucking season is watching you four-peat. I don't want to put pressure on you, but if you fucking let me down... Bill, the officials are against me. I'm like the chiefs. pressure on you, but if you fucking let me down. Bill, the officials are against me.

I'm like the Chiefs. I'm glad you won this week because I didn't want to listen to you whining about another bet you lost by half a point. Oh, see. I lost by half a point. Well, yeah. I mean, if you took the other team, you would have won by half a point. I'm just here to say that I can't fucking throw it in the ocean at this point.

Have you been watching any of the October baseball? No. Oh, fuck. I got to get off the phone. I could give a fuck. Really? I can't fucking throw it in the ocean at this point. Have you been watching any of the October baseball? No. I gotta get off the phone. I can give a fuck. Really? Yeah, I mean, yeah. That's Brewer's game?

That 20 year old kid went yard like fucking Andrew Jones back in 96. Two times call, opposite field. Tied it up in the bottom of the ninth and then they went ahead to tie the series up one to one. I love October baseball. Bill, we won the Monday night special. Yes, we did.

I have another fucking Zoom call. Let's do the Monday night special real quick. Yep, yep, I gotta hit to the airport anyway. I'm sorry to all the fans, I'm bringing the negativity, but there's somebody out there that is feeling my pain. All right, we got the Saints and the Chiefs. Chiefs minus five, you already picked them, so we'll go with that.

I didn't even know Rasheed Rice was out. What a shame, dude. That kid is a fucking superstar, man. No, I like them at home. Bailing the Chiefs out more than the offensive line, holding every play, is Ras Rashid Rice getting open. Oh, that kid worthy too. That fast kid rookie is doing really good for them. All right. And what's going on? Pacheco's hurt?

Jake, what's going on with Pacheco? Is he hurt? Yeah, he broke his leg so he's going to be out for a while. But he's coming back later. Mahomes to throw one, Kelsey to catch one. I know Kelsey's been quiet this year, dude. I don't know what's going on. I think prime time under the lights. He's going to do it on a Monday night game. Yeah, I believe in that guy. He's got, well, you know what? He's, he's gotta be too. All right. So let's do this then. We'll do the Chiefs to win by six, Kelsey to catch one. Maybe it wasn't good touches because that Rice kid was killing it so

much and that worthy guy, you'll bring it up. Maybe, I don't know. So now that that guy's hurt. I know they're stacked, dude. They got a lot of talent too. I like that bet. My home's to throw one, Travis Kelsey to catch one. My home's to go like this. My home's to go like this.

My home's to go like this. How many, what's the under over? What's the under over on that? My home's to do is shadow puppets. Um, all right. Oh my God. Uh, yeah, I got to get to the airport. There you go.

This is our picks. Uh, the Chiefs to win by six. My home get to the airport. There you go. This is our picks The Chiefs to win by six my homes to throw one Travis Kelsey to catch one there you go We're gonna get the Monday night special two weeks in a row for you guys There you go Somebody's winning. All right. I got it. I got it. I do there you go guys Next week. Bye. Bye Paulie. Bye buddy. I'll see you later There you go guys. I'll see you later next week. Bye. Bye Paulie. Bye buddy. I'll see you later All right guys, you know what to do to all you guys have to do is

Go to the bet MGM app, of course, please bet responsibly Okay, you can put in here's what you do they got an offer going on for you just like I said at the top of the show and The offer is hold on. I'm getting the offer right now. Sorry, Andrew. You don't have to edit this out, they know. The Bet MGM is offering $1,500 in free bets to get your season going. How to get this offer?

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If that bet loses, if the bet does lose, your bonus bets will be available once the initial wager is settled guys. It's that easy. Please bet responsibly and don't forget the first touchdown offer. You simply place a bet on the player you think is going to get the first touchdown. If they don't get the first touchdown but they get the second touchdown, you'll get your stack back in cash. It's that easy. Look, the Anything Better show is coming. I know Bill is pissed off that he went one and three, but you know what? He's still right there. I was down eight games, guys. I was down eight games. Look, I still have to come back because this week, who knows what could happen, but now I am down four. Okay. We'll see what happens this week. We got to hope. We got to hope,

guys, but we hit the Monday night special for you guys. Hopefully you guys stick with me. Stick with me at least for a little bit. If I get really bad, then you don't have to. But I, you know, hey, look, I would go with the guy that did it three times. Andrew, Jake, do you guys have anything else before I get out of here? I got about five minutes here. No, I mean, I'm licking my wounds after another oh, and four weeks. So I'm trying to bounce back here and catch up to you, Paul. The one thing that Bill said is right.

Like this is the first year. I just don't know who anybody is. I don't know what's going on with the Cincinnati Bengals. I think that's a team. I obviously don't know what's going on with teams like the Raiders and the Broncos. I don't know what's going on with teams like the Raiders and the Broncos. I don't know what's going on with the Jaguars. Sam Donald is all of a sudden Joe Montana and the Minnesota Vikings are the best team in football.

Nobody saw that coming. Aaron Rodgers is staring at staring at the press conference reporters pissed off because he doesn't know what the fuck is going on. It's a wild, wild time. But but like everything else, Andrew but like everything else Andrew like everything else It's the universe finds a way to fix itself, right that jets that jets game there in London Rogers knees little You know, so I mean that's he's not playing like that's not gonna be great for him But as far as still as the thesis of this week goes is not knowing the teams

If you bet against the public so far this year, you're anywhere between, it depends on where you are, where you're booking, but like, you know, probably anywhere between 65, 75%. Wow. Yeah, it's crazy. So I mean, you have to look at these public games, like the Ravens and the Bills last week, right? I mean, everybody was all over the Bills because of the way the Ravens and the Bills last week, right? I mean, everybody was all over the Bills

because of the way the Ravens have been. So you gotta look at those games and go, what's up? So now this week with the Bills, I mean, that's a huge bounce back spot to a Texans team that's underperforming, you know? So I liked, yeah, I liked the Bills. And I liked your Jaguars pick. I like your Jaguars pick. By the way, Anthony Richardson is practicing, but he's only taking a few snaps.

The rumor is that it's going to end up being Flacco. So we'll see. I mean, you never know. Yeah, I mean, you never know. Flacco could come in and I mean, God forbid, but I just feel like, uh, yeah, I, you know, look, I feel like, you know, to review my picks real quick. Um, I feel like Jayden Daniels as real. Yeah. We got our picks here. We go. Yeah. So I got the jets. Uh, like I said, I just, and Aaron Rodgers is leg is going to be in a fucking thermal chamber on that airplane. I'm not worried about that. Uh, I said, I just and Aaron Rodgers, his leg is going to be in a fucking thermal chamber on

that airplane. I'm not worried about that. I think I think that the commanders, dude, Jaden Daniels figured something out. And you know what? In week two against the Giants, I saw him starting to turn a corner. And even though they won the game, they did not look good. The Giants could have won that game. And since that game, he's really been corner. And even though they won the game, they did not look good. The giants could have won that game. And since that game, he's really been good and he's starting to get chemistry. So again, I don't like the half a point, but I do like them. The Jaguars have to win. I mean, you have to win and listen, the Packers have been, uh, the Packers

and the Lions are the two, I think the Packers and the Lions are the two teams in the NFC, um, no disrespect to the 49ers and no disrespect to even the Vikings, but I don't think it's gonna be sustained. And I think that I think the Packers showing a young quarterback can do it too. So the Vikings, I think the Vikings can be any of those teams. They've shown that they can, but as far as the Niners go, I heard this this morning, shout out to Sean Green, Sports Canada Podcast.

He was saying that he had heard that this potentially could be the last season for McCaffrey because his injury did not, the treatment, which is fairly widely reported in Germany that he went, perhaps didn't take because they didn't come out and say there was any real good news. And as far as anybody who's looking at the screen, you see like Jake and my pick like Jake's only got one pick and then mine I just because I'm filling this out. I just kind of put in some soft picks and then before the Thursday night game I send it off to these guys. So yeah, Jake's with you on the Packers game there. I kind of like that too. Yeah, the Rams are just a lot of injuries, not a lot of consistency. I'm with you on Packers and Commanders, Paulie. So hopefully we split them. Ideally the Packers. Yeah. Do I punch you in, Jake? Yeah. I mean, I'm not officially, but I'm leaning that way. I, yeah, I it's weird, but it's

also like some things need to now you're getting to week five. So you're going to start to see teams, not tank, but it's getting to the point where if you're an NFL team, if you're an NFL team and you're oh, and five or one and seven or 1-6 or something like that, then they really start to figure in next year. I hate to say this to 49er fans because I do like the 49ers and I have a lot of friends who like the 49ers. And I performed in front of the owner and the GM and the president of the 49ers and they couldn't have been cooler and I really liked them.

So I don't mean any disrespect, but I did hear a sports analyst say it. I forgot who it was, but they said at the beginning of the season, they go, I was watching the 49ers and they just look exhausted. What they've gone through to go to the Superbowl two years in a row, I don't think people understand really what that takes. A long season beat up, you go to the Super Bowl or two out of three years, whatever it was, you go to the Super Bowl multiple times in the last few years, I should say. And to get back and do it again and to keep everybody healthy and to keep everybody on the same page and to pay everybody, it's a lot. So I just don't know what they could sustain. And if McCaffrey is as bad as what you're saying,

if McCaffrey is like, they're going, dude, this guy's leg is really screwed up. I mean, their backup running back is good though. That injury report at the beginning of the year was really soft on McCaffrey. It was like, eh, he's going to be okay. Like, it's not as bad. And then it's just like, clearly it was worse.

Clearly it was worse just based on preseason, based on, you know, first then it's just like, clearly it was worse. Clearly it was worse just based on preseason based on you know, first, like it was just clearly it was worse. So I just think that's the direction that it's going. I think there's a little I think they're protecting maybe him. I don't know. But well, burrow had the same thing last year. So that's how I kind of knew I was like, oh, I'm half free. So I'm not gonna play for the first few weeks, because that's happened to burrow. But this is obviously a lot worse than what burrows going through Yeah, yeah also Paul you had mentioned you had mentioned you liked the bangles in that

Um Do I let me see that game? I know you're not taking no That was Bill Bill took all right Bill. I the kind of like the Bengals in that spot. Kind of do like them in that spot. I don't know why. I mean, dude, their back is against the wall. I mean, look, this is this is like, you're playing for your life at home. I mean, you're playing for your life at home. You can't if they lose that game, they're one in five. If they were corners. Yeah, the Ravens corners are trash. And that's literally what the Bengals have is they've got T Higgins, they've got Jamar Chase. They're both healthy. They were both healthy last

week, but like, I mean, Chase has been, but Higgins was there, but yeah, it still didn't happen and it's division. I mean, it's a lot. It's a good spot for the Bengals. All right guys. Well, listen, enjoy the week. I have to go catch a lot. It's a good spot for the Bengals. Uh, all right, guys. Well, listen, enjoy the week. I have to go catch an airplane. I'm getting picked up here in like 20 minutes. Um, you have the picks, you guys know the offer guys bet responsibly, enjoy it. Don't get crazy.

Uh, look, I was down eight. Now I'm down four. We'll see what happens. We're going to try to keep fighting up this battle. We're going to try to keep clawing up this mountain to see if I can do this. This is like the, like, this is one where I'm just like, I'm like the Niners. I'm exhausted, but I'm going to do it. That's why the Uniflows is the best.

Yeah. I'll see you guys. I'll talk to you guys next week. So, I travel a lot, I mean a lot, perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases, or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy, and I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible. Recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs we were like let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, you know it's communal living, it's just a

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