Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-5-23

Episode Date: October 5, 2023

Bill rambles about the Orioles, brutalism architecture, and the Vegas sphere. SimpliSafe:  For a limited time, get 20% off your new system when you sign up for Fast Protect Monitoring.  www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR Zip Recruiter: Try ZipRecruiter for free www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR 

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and I have to do it again. And you, the old me, oh, the old me would get fucking pissed off. And guess what, the new me still gets pissed off. Oh my God, I cursed out dead Steve Jobs. Cause I know what the fuck they're doing. Oh, I know what they're doing. They're fucking with me right now, cause they want me to buy the new goddamn phone.

Can you believe these fucking politicians? They just allow a company to literally sabotage their own fucking product. You know what I mean? It'd be like if somebody made a fucking car, you know, and it was designed to fucking die at 60,000 miles and the Spanometer only went up to 80 miles and oh wait we did that we did that in the 80s It's not a new thing Anyway, congratulations to the Minnesota twins This is the funniest expression I've ever heard in my life in sports with a two-game sweep What and the fuck is a two game, the best two out of three, oh they swept them. You don't get swept in a three game series, okay?

That's not a sweep. They gotta call it something else. A bump, you got bumped. You know what I mean? That's not a sweep. A sweep has to be at least three games in a fucking row. Anybody can lose to in a row, right? And the goddamn twins,

fucking win the series, sweep them two games, then none. They take a team fucking photo and they're drinking champagne. You know, for the love of a juicy Lucy, yeah, why don't you guys act like you're fucking been there before? They're still like 17 more fucking rounds before you even get to the ALCS. What are you doing? I don't know, Belle, we was sort of enjoying ourselves. Anyway, I am in Niagara Falls. Niagara, Niagara Falls across the Canadian border yesterday.

I'll tell you what was amazing, we go through the border and it was just like, you guys don't got any fucking weed or anything. We got, no, we don't. Sorry, just fucking did when I was talking burps there. It was like, yeah, no, we don't. And we've sit there, you know, in the fucking office and shit.

And they're on the bus going through my stuff. And I look over at Kenny and I'm like, oh, fuck. He's like, what, I got half a joint in my bag. I forgot. Somebody gave it to me on the fucking road. And... I had half a joint in my bag. I forgot. Somebody gave it to me on the fucking road. And he just shakes his head. I'm just like, yeah, what are we gonna do? There's either gonna be a show or there isn't.

And they came back, they didn't see it. They're cool. The Canadian, it's half a joint. So it was sort of a funny little moment. Then I was just thinking the whole fuck, well, the fuck if I was in Singapore that would have been a life goddamn sentence. This is why I don't like weed.

You know what I mean? I like how it makes you feel, but you forget that you have it, right? And you always end up in these goddamn situations. But anyway, I also wanted to talk about the fucking Baltimore Orioles. My playoff team, your Baltimore Orioles. I'm so excited.

They went over 100 games this year. They won the AL East, which is not an easy division to win. The amount of money, the fucking Yankees and Red Sox spend every year, how great an organization. The devil raise are, I'll always call them the devil raise. The nerve of people in Florida to act like they're not into the devil with the lives that they lead. Maybe it's just too redundant, you know.

You had the devil down there, you're fucking had El Ron Hopper, the devil's been there a bunch of times. Anyway, the latest devil I should say, I don't know who started the Catholic religion. There's so many crazy theories. You know, usually comes back to like homosexuality that they were all gay and they were trying to hide it and stuff like that. It's a really dark, dark fucking, you know.

If you do it about anything, you know, even if you like cheesets, you really don't wanna go back in history and see all the blood money behind those tasty little snacks, do you? You know, it's just better to just keep plowing forward and just be like, hey, you know, a lot of fucked up shit happened, but I didn't do it.

I wasn't there. All right. I'll go to church. I'll eat some cheesets afterwards, you know? I'll go solicit some prostitution, you know, to keep that business going. Money ends money out, right? Keeps the circle going. I don't even know I'm talking about the fucking Baltimore

or else I don't think that they've won the AL East. Last time I remember them winning it was 83. I don't think that they won the AL East. Last time I remember them winning it was 83. They must have won it some other time then. I just know the World Series champions. 84 was the Tigers, 85 was the Royals, 86 was the Metz, 87 was the Twins, 88 was the Dodgers, 89 was the A's, 90 was the Reds.

I don't know, but I don't know who fucking won those divisions back then. It certainly wasn't the Redsugs. Although maybe I want to say we won in 86 or an 80, we won in 86 obviously, it was the last of the Metz. Now here I go, fucking beautiful mind, fucking baseball version, 89. I want to say we lost to the A's.

I don't fucking,, Nick Asaski. Anyway, I'm very excited for the Baltimore Orioles. They were a powerhouse when I was growing up. Great pitching, Frank, Tanana, Jim Palmer. Then they out in the field, they had Eddie Murray. Oh my God, Eddie Murray 500 legit over 500 legit homeruns when you went up there like a fucking man. No HGH, no steroids, no elbow pads, shin pad, fucking chin, walking up there looking like half a football player,

like a Dick Tracy character. He playing baseballs, he playing football. He walking up there looking like half a football player, like a Dick Tracy character. Is he playing baseball? Is he playing football? He walked up there with whatever he had for breakfast and fucking knocked it out of the goddamn park and trotted around the paces like a goddamn man, not fucking punching himself in the chest, screaming, let's go,

and all that stupid fucking musical theater shit, all these fucking athletes do nowadays, it drives me up the fucking wall, especially in baseball. It's such a slow moving game. It's like watching somebody fucking like talkin' shit on 10 while sittin' this, smoking a cigar. Everyone else is around standing around. Oh, no.

Like, you know, when you watch baseball, it's a guy hits a ball and it's usually just one person moving. If it's in the infield, one person moves and then the first basement steps on a bag. There's really not a lot going on. Shortstop and second basement, just watching the play go over, you know? I know this little thing's cut off, man,

and covering bases, but like, I really don't understand it. Oh, this lets go shit. Oh yeah, I'm gonna be Billy Old Man. Billy Old Man, right now as I look at Niagara Falls, I have them on the Canadian side, you know? Where they got this fucking, this hilarious, like Skydome looking thing called the Skylon, and it looks like the fucking Russians built it

in Yugoslavia. It's got that brutalism vibe, which I didn't even know what that shit was called. Me, I was with you. I didn't really even see it. There wasn't a lot of pictures from behind the Iron Curtain there. I mean, we knew about the steel curtain, am I right?

We didn't know about the Iron Curtain, what was behind it. And they just had like these, I mean, it looks like it's out of a fucking movie. Like, how the fuck did communism think that they were going to work treating people like that? I mean, it's okay to be a, heavy government and fuck your own people in the ass. Just look what happens in capitalism, but you got to make it look pretty. You need a mascot. You need some pretty colors. You know, make every building look like you fucking,

you know, put some windows on a parking garage, whatever the hell they were doing. I mean, it was so fuck you, the style, brutalism. I mean, that's one of the fucking baddest names ever for, you know, this is like a mid-century, you know? This is brutalism. You can fucking live here, you can fucking live anywhere. Anyway, so I got a view of the falls, both of them.

I'm gonna take a video. I'm gonna post it on my Instagram stories there. And this is what kills me. Like this is like one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. And as great as it is, all that footage people were taken from the sphere in Las Vegas.

Like that was one of the most unbelievable fucking things that I've ever seen in my life. And it's not even real, but it is real. But what they're projecting isn't really there, but it's there, but it's not what you're seeing, but you're seeing it, you know what I mean? I mean, the ship was so fucking unbelievable. They turned you two, one of the biggest bands

in the last 40 years. They were like some wedding band playing over in the corner that no one's listening to. You know what he had, Sharon? You know, that's like... Is he the son of the guy from Simply Red? I think the math works on that. They got to be cousins or something. Both incredible singers. You know, beautiful voices. I can't believe I was just such a fucking asshole growing up when I was listening to metal. When I heard, like, simply red.

When I heard him sing that song, lady in red. I know that's not him. Whatever he was singing. Whatever the fucking song he was singing. I'll keep hold it, all right. I was like, this song is slow and makes me feel feelings. I'm not comfortable with this guy feel feelings. I'm not comfortable with

this guy's gay. I'm not listening to this. It was so stupid. Now I listen back to him. I'm like, this guy's one of the best fucking voices I've ever heard. Well, Billy homophobic when he was young. Um, is what it really was. It was like, if I play this song in my car, I'm going to get this shit kicked out of me when I get out of it. to get the shit kicked out of me when I get out of it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And be careful, Massachusetts was an angry place. As opposed to what bill is it nice now? I don't know.

So anyway, I'm fucking watching this fucking video that these kids, these goddamn kids with their fucking phones. And it's like the level of overstimulation. I think if you went to that concert, if you saw Niagara Falls, you'd be like, eh, you know, how come there's not other shit being projected in the sky while I look at Niagara Falls?

How come I can't watch, like how come I can't travel through the fucking universe? I mean, once you see a concert there, you're fucked. Like the footage, some of the stuff that they were projecting, and it just goes completely all the way over you. Like you realize the level of drugs we had to do to see half of that shit, that the Worcester centrum back in the day? That's what killed me in the day. That's what killed me about the footage. The footage had nothing to do with you too.

That could have been a you to cover band. I wonder what I would love to hear what they're thinking. I mean, it's such a business at this point. They'd probably be like, you know, it's fantastic. It's just adding another layer to the fucking, we're peeling another layer off the onion. You know, backstage, they gotta be going like, you know, whatever they fucking say over there.

Oi. Ha ha ha ha. Roy, a sand of us. Who gives a fuck now? Nobody cares. I don't wanna, I'm just gonna see you, like one of the great bands in the last 40 years, I'm just going to see you, that's all there is.

I don't get to fucking sit there on mushrooms and have an eagle fly off of the ceiling, sit down next to me, put its feathered wing around me and start talking to me about why America is great before I take it by its nonexistent hand and I start flying over the band. I loved, if I live long enough, I can't wait to hear this generation talking down to the next generation. Like, this isn't a concert, man, back when I, you know, when I went to a concert, you know, it was just you, the band, and the entire history

of the world experienced in first-person vision flying over your head. We didn't have an AI robot blowing us while it was fucking, growing mushrooms in a compartment on its back that you could continue taking. You kids are spoiled today. Yeah, I feel like that, they're building another sphere because now everybody has to try and compete with that. And I feel like, well, maybe not, maybe it'll be like IMAX, people still go to movies sort of. I don't know. I never thought I would see something

that could possibly make people think that Red Rocks was only okay. I like to think that people still think those places are off. That's the place you gotta go. Dude, fuck the sphere. Alright, that's gonna be there forever. And it's gonna get old really quick, really quick, cooking out there in the desert. You know, it's kind of like that big stupid TV that they have at the Dallas Cowboys stadium. Like, why don't they just gonna admit that that was the dumbest idea? It was just the stupidest fucking idea.

It was really was Dallas, you know? That's the biggest fucking TV that's ever been. I'll tell you what, my wife's got the biggest titties too. She didn't have the beginning of a relationship from knowing what I mean. I'm taking care of her. I got her to have nice titties too that hang real nice. You know what I mean? You know what it is.

It's her own body fat. I had it sucked out of her belly. You know, she went too many pig pickings. And I said, take it out of there and stick it in there. Right. And there's any way you could, you know, make her mouth only open if it's going around the dick because I'm really sick of her opinions. It's why I've been married three times. I used to tease them at the Dallas Improv saying like you realize that

okay that TV's cool now but in seven years you're gonna have the biggest old fucking TV that no one gives a shit about. They must have done something where they can keep updating it, but I guess I understand why. I actually don't understand why they did it, because it's the most distracting thing I've ever seen. And if you sit in the upper deck, you're not even gonna watch the, you're just gonna sit there watching the fucking TV.

So then it becomes, why did I go to this? And that's also like when I look at the sphere, it's like I can just put on you to, on my phone, play it through a speaker, and I can take a nice handful of mushrooms and have the same fucking experience. Because I really feel like when you, I don't know, maybe I got to go to a show there,

but it was like you too wasn't even there. They were like an afterthought. You know, how can you listen to Bono talking about how he knows how to save the world? You know, if you're too busy flying over the fucking and to Rhondex, you know, from there to Abu Dhabi. While you're on my runs was bono up there like right hey just check it in with the band don't know if you ever heard of us you know what sucks is I have no desire to go to that thing

and I, but I know I'm gonna end up there because I love my wife and she's totally into stuff like that. Like, oh, it's gonna be fuck, it was fucking amazing, so cool. And then I'm gonna shit on it and then she's just gonna look at me and be like, what's wrong with you?

Like, why can't you just enjoy things? It's like, I do enjoy things. I just don't enjoy things like this. You know? And then the logic of that is not gonna hook up with the female brain, and then the emotion of what she's talking about is not gonna hook up with my fucking logical brain.

Then it'll be awkward, and then I'll say, I'm sorry. And she'll say, okay, and then we'll go over to Roy Choice. Like, that's what's going to fucking happen. But did you notice in that story at no point did I ever even bring up what band we're going to go see because I don't think it matters. Probably see some early 90s hip hop R&B artist. You know, that's Nea's wheelhouse. That's her hair metal. Stiff's with voices out the barge.

Invogue. Boys to men. Usher. Jotacy, I don't know. I can't, I know all that music. I can't name any of those songs, but I have been with my lovely wife who I miss terribly out here for almost 20 years. So I've heard all of that music. All right, let's do a little bit of the

advertising. I have to go a little short this week. I apologize because I already recorded this podcast, but I had my stupid fucking Bose headphones on and it was going through that. It wasn't Steve Jobs there. I admitted. All right, but it's convenient. He's an inconvenient truth that I can blame him. And he's dead, so he can't defend himself. I mean, that's kind of perfect. All right, so here's the live reads here. All right, simply safe, everybody.

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Let Zip help make your job easier. Four to five employers have post on Zip Recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. See for yourself. Go to this exclusive web address to try zip, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh I mean, I'm just like a perfect golf swing. The way I let that thing go. By the way, did anybody see Dave Portinoise, one bite, everybody knows the rule, pizza festival? How the fuck did I not know that that was happening? Because if you watch that thing, basically,

he's gone around to all of these places. So you try to make a list of the ones that had the top ratings by him, right? And he grades very hard. So if he gets anything in the 9's, you know it's absolutely delicious. But the problem is it's all spread out all over hell. So what is bar stool sports, do they have a giant pizza event? And they're going to start doing it every year.

And I'm telling you right now, there's no fucking way that I'm going to miss that thing next year. I am going to be there because there's that one place, the brick oven place out in New Jersey that got the highest rating. I hate that he didn't give it a 10 but I also loved that he didn't give it at 10 because that, like, if he gives it a 10, then you just stop. You found, you're at the mountain peak. You want to keep going up. You want to keep fucking going up. Did anybody see that video of that fucking lady trying to climb Mount Everest and she was

fucking screaming? She's like, oh my God, scream it because hikers, mountain climbers above her. Had passed out from the altitude and they were just dead. They were dead. They were sliding down like their snow suits became like sleds and these just these dead bodies are sliding down the mountain. She's going, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

Oh my God. And I don't know why people just put, deliberately putting themselves into perilous situations. It just makes me laugh. I'm like, what the fuck did you think was gonna happen? What did you think was gonna fucking happen? How many dead bodies have you passed on the way up there? I know but I didn't think I would see it happen Swim a sharks see what the fuck happens

If you guys see that video of that fucking guy swimming in the ocean that somebody's like an helicopter in this fucking shark Swims in around the guy and start speeding up and at the last second it swims away around the guy and start speeding up and at the last second it swims away. I mean, people who swim in the fucking ocean are just out of their f- and the amount of times that's probably happened. And you don't even know it. Oh my god. I mean, who wants to drown? Nobody. Who wants to be eaten alive? Nobody. Who wants to combine those two horrific fucking deaths? Evidently this fucking jerk off in his goddamn speedo. Ugh. What do you, I mean,

and you always, you're right near that you can see the shore. And you always, you're right near that you can see the shore. You can see where this thing doesn't live and doesn't survive. I swear to God, you swim in the fucking ocean. It's literally like walking into a jungle and then sticking your head into the fucking sand and hoping something doesn't walk by and take a fucking bite out of you. You're out of your mind. I am a pool guy. I don't even fuck with lakes.

I've been sitting here looking at now your falls here, man. And I'm waiting for somebody to fall out of a fucking boat. Look at that. And they got a nice, everybody has a life jacket. See, that's my shit right there. If you ever wondered what my shit was, that's my shit right there.

All right, that's the podcast everybody. I gotta upload some video of this. I also gotta do a show tonight. I gotta upload some video of this. Also gotta do a show tonight. Also gotta get my shit together. There's a lot of shit I gotta do here, but you know I've been working out. I've been working out. I feel good.

I feel good, you know, you come home, you know, you look a little skinnier. Look a little more jacked. Your wife sees it, right? She starts thinking what he meant up to us. I know, maybe I'll fucking show you, right? Talk a little shit, have a good time. And then you go back out the next weekend,

and then you fuck up, right? I gotta take video of these stupid. Literally, this fucking sky-long thing, what they're bringing people up on outside the place, the elevator, it looks like one of those dietary pills, the original ones, like the 1970s, you know, when women used to wear pantyhose, and they were sort of like addicted to like fucking diet pills, you know.

Guys were all like fucking alcoholics, smoking cigars, riding a fucking horse because you thought a media man. I gotta take a picture of this shit. All right, I'm uploading this fucker. You guys have a great weekend, you cons, and I will see all of you on Monday. I won't see you, but I will be doing a podcast. All right, that's it.

Bet responsibly on the NFL. Don't be a fucking moron, have fun with it. Don't let these assholes take all your money. All right. Hey, what's going on is Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast. From Monday, October 5th, 2015, you have to deal with this. This is the level of talking that I'm going to be able to do because I have a couple of guests here in my house.

And it's 8 a.m. And I'm trying to be courteous unlike the cunt that called me at 6.58 in the morning. I thought it was some fucking radio guy, you know, for some gig I had back east. I had no idea. It was like, I love it. It's all about the fact that I'm about to have what I was like, what? And he was like, I guess my wife scheduled some fucking shit here at the house on Sunday, Saturday.

She wasn't even aware of it. I don't know, something about the fucking alarm. He goes, anyway, I have to reschedule him. It's like, well, I don't know about this. Well, I got away to my wife wakes up and he goes, oh, okay, something I woke you up to. It's like, yeah, it's 6.58 in the morning, you're cut. With your fucking morning DJ voice.

Hey, it's Annie in the bulldog. We got Bill Perkin up here in a bit as I was gonna be doing two shows here in Maryland. Sorry, I was a bad morning DJ voice, but you know something? I'm trying to be courteous to the other people in the fucking house here. Alright, whatever. Let's plow through the podcast here. I gotta say something. I gotta get something right off my old freckled fucking chest here to start this thing. Alright, the W Hotel, I am fucking done with that place. At a great weekend, right? I did a couple of benefits out in DC and one that

Tignitaro set up for the Planned Parenthood and it was such a fucking cool crowd. My whole set, I just kept telling him that they didn't like babies. What are my favorite things to do when you do a benefit? Is you go out there and then you act like you don't understand the point of view of the people that are doing the benefit, unless it's something fucking horrific. You know what I mean? Like if it's kids with cancer or something like that,

then I behave myself. But it's like, plan parenthood or, you know, the right to life, if it was the right to life people, I would tease them that they've haven't looked at a census and how many people are on the planet. Now let's keep having more babies. I'd just do something like that. Something, anything to just kind of kill the fucking tension of the one subject that you're not supposed to talk about. So it was just an awesome crowd and I kept going back to that and

they had a great sense of humor about themselves. They kept laughing when I was saying it. The rest of my act, it was a little touchy. DC is really fucking touchy, by the way. What I found, if you perform at the DC improv though, it's a great crowd You get a couple of uptight people there whatever but like if once you get out of the clubs and It becomes a bigger event like that benefit that was out like a theater. It's just this really weird sort of Pay attention to what you laugh at kind of thing Like it feels like a political fundraiser for whatever fucking reason, but Friday night they were cool. And then on Saturday, did the addiction benefit

that Mary and Gerard, Greg Gerard, those wife put together. And Jesus Christ, what a fucking show that was. Everybody murdered and Tom Papa putting on a clinic Nick Topolo Judy gold Teg was on that one too Gary Owen, I mean it was just a fucking Just a monster show. I don't gonna forget a few people but Everybody was really what was really cool was just a bunch of different styles and everybody with their own style Absolutely fucking destroyed. And, uh, dude, I got to take something Nick the polymer man.

It's probably the most underrated comedian out there man. If that guy is playing in your area, you got to go see him. He's fucking, if you want to see just like completely uncensored somebody just saying exactly what they're thinking, uh, that's the guy to go see and, see and he does not take an ounce of shit for anyone in the crowd. Now like you should be giving him shit, but I'm just saying of He addresses groaners put it that way is the best way to put it, but I'm so was great working with all those guys and Just had a just had a great fucking night. So anyways

So after the show, Saturday night, you know, me, Tom Poppa and Al Madrigal, we all go out to dinner or something like that, right, have a couple of drinks, and then we head back to the fucking W Hotel, or me and Tom did anyways, because that's where we were staying to. and it was just an absolute fucking shit show. That hotel I'm not saying is a bad hotel but that hotel is for young people.

That's not for 47 year old fucking freckled douchebag like me. I just couldn't get over the level of shit faced. This is coming from a drunk. How fucking hammered these people were. First of all, I walked by the W Hotel at like, who the fuck was I with? I was with somebody. I don't know, the whole weekend kind of blended together.

But I swear to God, it was the afternoon. And these fucking these three like hot chicks come walking out with tattoos on their titties like script writing. They were horse, horse, just walking right out. I'm not saying professional, but you know, if that's your daughter, you're just you just talking to a wall for the rest of your life being like I completely fucked up. Script writing on your titties. That I mean, I'm telling you right now, if you are a man and a woman walks up to you with script writing on her fucking titties,

I'm telling you, you run in the other direction. All right, nothing good is gonna come from that interaction. Okay, and if there's any ladies listening out there, I challenge you to find a wholesome woman who's gonna be a good mother with script writing on her titties. All right, I'm sure you can find one just like I can find a white guy that can dunk a basketball. There's always fucking exceptions. All right, but I'm just saying generally speaking, not even generally 90% fucking speaking, my favorite percentage% you just you just run in the other

fucking direction so anyway so we come back from the from the fucking dinner and dude like this woman was so okay outside this woman was so fucking drunk like the kind of drunk you get when you're in your 20s you don't know how to stop right leather pants right dress like you know she's gonna be in a when you're in your 20s, you don't know how to stop, right? Leather pants, right? Dress like, you know, she's gonna be in a re-out of video. She's so drunk, the guy she's with is trying to hold her up, and she's got her head buried into him like she's in like a rugby scrump. Just sort of trying to walk into him, he's going sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart.

And we kind of was like, Jesus Christ, what the fuck? As all these, you know, fucking tattooeded titty hoes are walking out of the W But so funny is when you check into the place during daylight hours Like it seems like a nice hotel, but they always have like the fucking club What duck club DA apostrophe whatever the young kids say and somebody's up there spinning right when the fucking whatever the young kids say. And somebody's up there spinning, right? Only fucking, it turns into an absolute fucking shit show. And nobody can hold their alcohol or fucking did too many drugs. I don't know what it's like.

So when it was this fucking, this lady is like buried her head into this guy. And it's like she's trying to like get a first down. And we looked away. And then all of a sudden you heard boom the unmistakable sound of a head hitting something solid and she had fallen down on her backside and her momentum carried her into the cab the side of the cab that she was they were trying to stick her into when she fucking banged her head. And then she got up and was laughing.

And I want to say it was because she was a dumb cunt. All right, now somebody can say, well, why don't you look at it like, you know, she's got a sense of humor about herself, like the right to life people. You know what, she was too pretty to have a sense of humor about herself, you know, and that's probably my, you know, issues with those types of fucking women. Which, of course, most of it is. But

yeah, I would just say no. She just was like, Oh, this is funny, because there's no consequences to anything I did, because as a drunk as I am, I probably only paid for one fucking drink this night. You know what I mean? Oh, this is stupid laptop. Let me know I got a fucking message. So yeah, I think she just was enjoying the attention and their boyfriend finally snapped. And was like, you shut the fuck up and getting the fucking cab and she was still laughing. You know what I mean?

And I bet when it happens again, she'll laugh again because no one will ever slap the shit out of her because she's a woman and it's against the rules. You know what I mean? So anyways, so then me and fucking Tom walk into the not saying that you should slap the shit out of a woman, but, you know, there is something to be gained every once in a while. When you have truly in the wrong and somebody just slaps you in the fucking face and, you know, all you have to deal with is this stinging pain for like about eight seconds. There is kind of a, let me, let me think about some of my behavior over the last couple

of minutes. Another great advantage to be in a guy. Also you can have a beard so you can kind of cushion the sting of the slap. Is he advocating domestic maha? So then we go into the W Hotel. By the way what I just said there is most bloggers fucking thought process before they sit down to type. Anyways, so we go into the fucking W hotel and we're standing there just like weaving our way through unbelievably fucking shit face people. It doesn't seem to be any sort of concern as to how these people are getting home with their driving It is a city

So I guess everybody was sort of cabinet or ubering it. I don't know what the fuck they were doing So we even our way through these people we get to the fucking You get to the the elevators and they got three elevators one of them Goes up to the top with a bar is it's basically the shit show elevator And then the other two is for fucking old people who just want to go to their room and go to bed. And of course the shit face people keep getting on the wrong elevators and all that type of stuff, right? So as we're standing there all of a sudden,

this sea of fucking guys walk in wearing tuxedos and for some reason they have these little stuffed animal ponies with them. And they just all come filing in to go to bed and I'm looking at Tom going, oh fuck, and that fucking drunk his hell. And the guy shows up next to me, he goes, you want my pony? This fucking guy, right? These guys were like over the top gay and they had like these Hitler youth haircuts. It was really fucking bizarre. And they had tuxedos and these stuffed like these Hitler youth haircuts. It was really fucking bizarre.

And they had tuxedos and these stuffed animal ponies or some shit. I don't know what was going on. I have no idea what the fuck was going on. So we skip an elevator and then wait for the next one to come. And by the time the next one shows up is another fucking herd of Hitler youth gay guys with ponies trying to get in this as you have scripted titty drunk girls trying to figure out how to get up to the fucking top of the place so they can get even more shit faced. So anyways, you don't finally get on the fucking elevator. And you know, I fucking on, I gotta take this. elevator and You know I

F***ing on I gotta take this I gotta hit pause here hold on hold on hold on All right, I'm back. Sorry about that. Sorry about that. I guess I'm fucking You know I had a relative pass away. So I gotta go to the fucking funeral sucks sucks I moved up and everybody moves up, you know So I'm in your family, you know passes away everybody moves up a spot everybody sad and then everybody moves up a spot You know what I mean? Who's next who's next right fucking brutal Anyways, let's get back to the scripted titty horse all right

the scripted titty who is all right right, and where did I leave you guys? Scripted Titty Horse, gay Hitler youth guys with ponies, all dressed in tuxedos, like they just gave a piano concerto, however the fuck you say it. So I finally get all the way up to my room, and then I walk up and of course my key doesn't fucking work, or maybe I have a key from the wrong hotel because I'm always on the fucking road, I have no idea. So I got to go back downstairs. Get back on an elevator that's actually empty and I go downstairs doors open up more Hitler youth. Gay guys more scripted to the horse more fucking rugby scrums and get my key and I get back up there and I was just like. It's just shit. I'm not saying it's a bad hotel. You know what I mean? It's a

fucking great hotel if those if that's what you're into. You know what I mean? Like stay there during the week. I think it's fine. If you're an old man like me, but on the fucking weekends, it is an absolute fucking shit show. Like it's was literally it looked like a convention for reality shows. It looked like a convention for reality shows. You know what I mean? Stop writing a script on your titties. You know, on VH1 gay show pony, World War II, Piano Concerto for the straight guy. Whatever the fuck you want to call it.

And you know, dumb cont- Rugby chicks. Whatever the fuck you want to call it, but it was, uh, tonight, man, I'm done. And you know, it was funny, it was during the day. I was already starting to get that feeling, like, you know, I, I, the second, you know, you get into the W when they have like that fucking, that, that option where you can have like that neon aquarium lighting around your fucking, uh, bed, you know, because young people think that that like enhances their sexual experience. What they're really doing is they're trying to cover for the fact that they don't quite know what the fuck they're doing. You know what I mean? Well, maybe he's part of the drug thing. I have no idea, but I remember that

when I was young and I was going to hook hook up It was all about like the lighting and having the right CD It was all this extra shit that you needed to cover up for the fact that you didn't quite know what the fuck you would do At least that was for me. Whatever. I'm just a grumpy old man. Don't listen to me So anyways, I fucking So the food sucks at the W and it's fucking like a zillion dollars. So I'm like, all right, I'm gonna walk down the street Okay, and I'm gonna fucking Maybe find something so I'm walking down the street. It's Saturday afternoon and Hello, Nanny Alabama is gonna play the Georgia Bulldogs between the hedges, right?

Georgia is favored Because Alabama lost to Ole Miss the fucking week before and Georgia is actually given two points and in the back of my head I was like if there was ever a fucking gift it would be Alabama getting points, but fortunately I don't have access to a fucking sports book so Which is good because that saves me a bunch of money because any time you're sitting there thinking like oh my god This is a fucking gift you end up losing so I walked down the street like two blocks not even a block and a half and I see this

problem like I'm gonna go in there turns out it's this fucking insane cigar bar slash sports bar I pop in there right this is fucking guy sitting there this southern dude with with the Georgia Bulldog logo on and then there's like this old Jewish dude Sit there, and old Jewish dudes are the fucking best man. They're the fucking best. Give you ridiculous ridiculous fucking life advice at the most easy Go-and-pace ever. Are you married? Are you in love? Well, that's good. Right? They just walk you all the way through fucking life. They're the best, right? So anyways, so I'm sitting with that dude, and then there's the other guy, you know, and they're both got cigars going and I'm thinking like, well, fucking smoke one later tonight. I'm not gonna smoke during the day, but I'm gonna

watch the fucking game. So they put the game on, the crowds going nuts, right? Fucking Georgia Bulldogs are jumping up and down. Alabama comes out, they get right in their fucking face, I'm getting amped up like I'm gonna play the game, right? And it's a cigar bar, so it's a chill fucking vibe. You can hear the game, everything's great. All of a sudden, right, it literally is the fucking game is gonna to start this

tabletop of five or six people walking with this fucking smug jackass who just has a fucking opinion on everything that he thinks is so goddamn fascinating which is kind of funny to hear me say but at least I know I'm a moron. God knows I got an opinion on everything but I know I'm a fucking moron. I also know that when you're going to a fucking cigar bar It's an old man vibe Okay Inside old man voices, right this fucking fat con I swear to God. Remember that show Jake and the fat man He looked like the fat man. He sits down and

Proceeds to start speaking as loud as you could possibly fucking talk without yelling And he keeps talking about these he tells this fucking story like three times, but these cigarettes he got in London that for some reason are not legal in the United States. And he kept going like it's London, but you cannot get him here. I've tried to order them, but they are not legal and it would always end at the same way. They are not legal and they go, why? I don't know. Told that story three times. He only told it twice, but I want to say it felt like fucking three.

And is he fucking screaming? I finally look over at the old Jewish to him. Like, you believe this guy? And the old Jewish guy said something like, you know, I feel the same way, like when you get on the plane and there's a baby crying next to you, and I laughed, I go, yeah, but this guy should know better. And then the guy goes, all right, he goes, and he just got up and left, you know, because he, what he had on him, he had this beautiful fucking coheba. And he knew better. He's like, I'm not going to fucking sit here and smoke this unbelievable cigar with this fat fuck scream and across the goddamn room.

Right? That'd be like, he had like a great glass of wine and the whole time you're drinking it, there was some guy yelling in your fucking ear. So he gets up and leaves and I sat there in your fucking ear. So he gets up and leaves and I sat there and watched the whole first quarter while simultaneously trying to think of a nice way to ask that guy politely to shut the fuck up. Can somebody please help me with this social moment because I was literally muttering over in the corner

like I'd be like, in no matter how much I try to be nice, like by the time I got to the end of the sentence, the rage would come in and I would drop the F bomb. I'd be like, excuse me, sir, you know, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but you're sort of yelling and, you know, you're in a fucking cigar bar, you dumb content. No, you can't do that, can't do that. Back it up. Sir, I'm not trying to inhibit you from having a good time, but for some fucking reason, you don't give a shit that you're doing that to me. You fat fuck, right?

Just kept going like that, right? So I'd never ended up saying anything, and I finally, I don't know, I left after the first quarter and I went back to the fucking W Hotel. And by the way, Jesus Christ, huh? Alabama coming back answering the bell. Absolutely fucking kick the shit. The only thing they could have done was ripped the hedges out of the fucking ground. And God knows I was rooting for Georgia.

I don't even hate Alabama. It's just you have to root against them. They're so fucking good. And you know what? I forget the guy's name. Who's that number two that running back that Alabama has? Jesus Christ, that guy's a fucking beast. I don't know the names. I know number seven on LSU is a monster. This guy number two, like they're making these new kinds of fucking running backs. don't get it they're built like fullbacks, but they run as fast as running backs And then they lower the shoulder and they just absolutely destroyed people but unbelievable college matchups

This weekend, but none of them turned out to be the games like the the back and forth that you thought they were gonna be, huh? Fucking Alabama kicks this shit out of Georgia and then Florida Who was also undefeated but was getting no respect was playing Ole Miss in the swamp and everybody's thinking well Ole Miss beat Alabama, right? They're gonna have their way with Florida and Florida absolutely kicked the fucking shit out of them. I got to see that game too. I watched the replay last night. And then Notre Dame Clemson, I was rooting for Notre Dame

because I'm going to the Notre Dame USC game. And I was obviously hoping that Notre Dame would win, so they'd be undefeated in the game with me and even more when they played USC. And as far as I can tell, they got handled because I haven't seen that game yet. That game was going on while I was doing the the Jeraldo addiction benefit and but one of the stage hands had the game going.

I just know it was like 14 to three forever. They kind of went out early, but the only game that was really fucking close and exciting was probably a game nobody thought was going to be, which was Ohio State versus Indiana, which I ended up turning on towards the ending, because Alabama was just Georgia just couldn't answer the fucking bell. So I ended up putting that thing on and what a fucking game that was. I love how alwaysU kept thinking they put Alabama to bed, they put them to sleep. Like they had that one touchdown pass

and the guy does the old slip, the fucking throat thing. Like that's it, nailing the coffin, which I felt it was too. In Indiana, they just kept coming back. I didn't know Indiana was that good. They were also undefeated. So what I'm trying to say is that when I wasn't weaving in and out of

scripted titty horse this fucking weekend does I watched a lot of goddamn football I'll talk NFL here in a minute let me let me get back to the I gotta do a little bit of advertising here sorry I have to hum my password I forget oh Jesus Christ you gotta put in 50 fucking goddamn things now. And of course it's wrong. And of course it's fucking wrong, you know, it's just my fucking podcast. Why the fuck, I mean my laptop? Why the hell would I know how to do it? Come on, come on.

Bam, there we go. All right. Let's get into the reads. Let's get into Bill Burr reading out loud. Oh Jesus, all right NFL football. Wap Wap Wap Wap Wap Wap Wap W when I was on the plane, I watched a guy in dress socks. They weren't gold toes. They were whatever. I don't know if they were compression socks. I don't know what they were, but they were porno socks, dark colored socks. And I watched this guy walk into the bathroom on the airplane bathroom on the airplane in socks which in some weird way is actually as gross is fucking walking in with your bare feet you know what I mean because there's something about socks that they're like absorbent to take fucking urine and fecal matter and have them up against your feet for the rest of your fucking flammable.

What the fuck? What kind of a fucking animal? I just want to say to a guy like, dude, do you realize you just walked into a public bathroom in your socks? Are you out of your fucking mind? At the very least, there's like 20 people's fucking urine in your socks up against your fucking skin animals and then I'm also thinking like you know maybe this guy is preparing for when the dollar collapses or whatever and you just got to start eating squirrels and everything and and maybe maybe your neighbor and as I'm sitting there puking you know like Henry Hill when they dig up fucking Billy bats

And I can't handle it, you know, and he's just sitting there He's ready for you and give a fuck he walked into a public bathroom and his fucking stock and feet Absolute fucking animal They had this really nice male stewardess on there, but every time he went to talk to me. He put his hand on my shoulder Take your hand off my shoulder. Male stewardess, you creeping me out. I can hear your voice Stanley. I don't know I think his name is Stanley. It's an old person name. I need to make a human connection. Would you like some more peanuts? So

anyways, I landed in time. I only missed the first half of the first game and I went in and I watched the Giants first of the bills. This makes no sense because I am a Patriots fan, but I fucking love the Giants. I love the Giants. They always got a great fucking defense. You see that maniac? They got a defense. The guys 5'10. 10. Guys, 5'10.

I'm so impressed. My voice is cracking. Guys, 5'10. Playing on the defensive line, plowed through two guys and got a fucking sack. Guys, a fucking animal. You're literally watching Rudy. And you know what's funny?

Unlike the movie Rudy Rudy where the dude playing him look like an absolute pussy who shouldn't even be playing fucking volleyball. This guy look like a fucking animal. It's like he was 5'10 but was built like he was fucking 6'4. You know they got O'Dell back and you see that catch the guy made it didn't even count. It was so fucking unbelievable. It still made the highlight real. And I don't know. I was watching what Rex could do against the team like that. Plus, you know, Rex in

our division. And I know that we're going to be playing the giants. I don't know how to fuck wherever we're going to beat him. We never beat him. They beat us in exhibition. They beat us in the playoffs. They beat us in the regular season. I don't think we've ever beat the giants they beat us in the playoffs, they beat us in the regular season. I don't think we've ever beat the giants during the Tom Cofflin Eli Manning era. I wonder when the last time we beat him was, I'm sure some fucking nerd will go out there and let me know or tell me that I'm wrong. Oh, actually, fuck it. But, or any significant game, they always kick our fucking ass.

So, but I always love defensive minded teams to even know they beat us. I mean, what am I going to get mad because they always beat us? That's on us, right? Figure out how to fucking beat him. So anyway, so, and I also love watching Rex lose. It's fun, you know, and if I can watch him lose, why where's a pink hat and headsets? I mean, that's even better. So I watched that.

Still Buffalo looked pretty good, man. And I think they're quarter back there. What is the Travis Trit, the black version of that name? I don't know. Trayvon third guild. I don't know what his fucking name is. Is it the Dale III? He looked fucking great.

He looked great, but he looked way better than when we were playing him, when he was throwing it like 90 miles over everybody's head, looked like he settled down and everything. So I got to watch the bills lose. And then I watched the Packers actually play a surprisingly tough game against the 49ers. I thought that they were going to crush him, but as much as the score looked like, it was a one-sided affair. Listen to me using all the sports cleashays

I thought 49ers played really tough and Then I watched the fucking Saints game Cowboys game and I had that game fucking recorded. What a goddamn game Watched it all the way to the end in the one time. I don't add the extension right is there lining up to take the field goal to tie it up My fucking my my recorder cut out so then I had to go on TV and I was just saying all right It's a 30 yard. You know they hit the fucking thing and it turns out they missed it Never done they missed it because some guy with a giant white belly What I looked like a few months ago, lifted his shirt up and

fucking distracted him. But St. St. still ended up winning the fucking game. But I don't know. You know, I just realized I don't know anybody's name. I could sit there and I can watch the whole fucking game. I don't know anybody's game. Who's the cowboy? He's back up. He's one of those unfortunate guys who's a quarterback,

you know, who does not look good when he wearing up when he was wearing a helmet He's got those baby fat cheeks, you know, so it all mushes in together. It looks like Stan Humphreys You know what I mean? That's just so unfortunate because you know if you're gonna stand back there and have six foot four six foot five inch guys Who run four forties coming into fucking lay out you can at least be getting a ridiculous amount of ass, right? You know what I mean You can have you know you can have a cute little face like a little Tony Romo there You know as he's sitting there wearing the Tom Landry hat. He's got his arm in his sling That's all women give a shit about Dallas. Oh, I just want to rub his shoulder

What a hey, Brike Well, they has collarbone. What gold? Anyways, whatever that guy's name is. I thought when the Saints went ahead, I was like, they don't have it in them. This guy's a game manager. They don't have it in them to come back and score.

And lo and behold, they went right down the fucking field. And they scored. And it was great to see Tony Roma really being happy for his back up. Right? He knows. He knows he still has the job. He knows he's better. He knows he looks better in a fucking helmet. He's gonna sell more merch, right? I don't think I would look any worse

in a football helmet on a close-up on HDTV than that poor son of a bitch that's playing for the Cowboys. But Goddamn it, he got the job done. Draw them right down the fucking field, right? Through it to that tight end that's been there forever. JJ Witten, JJ Stokes, whatever the fuck his name is, I don't know anybody's name anymore. I don't play fantasy football.

All right, I'm a man, I'm over 40. I'm actually thinking about starting to play fantasy football just so I can fucking learn the players' names again. I actually am embarrassed to say that I went on the internet to see, you know, look at some of the stats of like the top receivers and I didn't know anybody's name. I didn't know anybody's name as far as running backs Lynch. I know Ray Rice. And I think that's it. I don't know anybody else. I kept hearing names from the SEC going, didn't that guy play for Arkansas? Didn't that guy win the Heisman Trophy? Darrym McFadden?

Anyone that Heisman Trophy in 2009? I think he was on the Saints. And then the fucking 2009, I think he was on the Saints and then the fucking the guy from Arkansas was on the Cowboys. I don't know, I don't fucking anything anymore. I don't want to happen to me. I don't want to happen to my fucking life here. I just know all of this. You know, I used to collect football cards. That's what it was.

That's what it would. Anyways, but it was a great whole fucking a great weekend of watching football. And then as always, I tell you what I do is I taped a one o'clock game and I taped an extra one o'clock and an extra four o'clock game. And I also still have the the Notre Dame game to watch. So tonight is Monday night football. I can watch that Tuesday night. I can watch the one o'clock game. I don't give a fuck that I know what happens. It's still fun to watch. Wednesday, Wednesday I can watch the four o'clock game. Thursday you got Thursday football.

Friday I watched the noted game, Dame game and then Saturday starts all over again. There you go. And if you want the woman in your life or the man in your life, whatever your deal is to feel underappreciated, you will record football games the way I do. Then you sit there the whole fucking week, watch like you're some coach watching game tape. I gotta learn the names, guys. I apologize. I apologize to anybody who had a great fucking game. I should at least know you goddamn name, right? Drew Breeze. I know Drew Breeze. I know Aaron Rogers. I can't even remember the name of the fucking quarterback from Seattle. Or the quarterback. What the fuck's it? Richard Sherman. Colin Kaepernick. Who's the guy who's trying to be like the Walton's with 52 kids there for for San Diego fill up. Where is I know him? Andrew Luck I guess quarterbacks, you know

Or I know I don't fucking why the fuck I know there's some guy in Atlanta who's unbelievable Then unbelievable receiver Odell Beckham I know Bill why don't you learn the fucking name and set a torch and I was like, all right, all right, sorry. My mistake. Oh, hey, listen, I got to give a...

I got to give a shout out here to when I wasn't DC. Now that I shit all over the W. Which is a great hotel, if you're in your 20s Okay, and you got scripted titties or your gay guy with a Hitler youth fucking haircut a little show pony You know what I mean? You know you're some fucking Hottie with leather pants who's into rugby when you drunk I

Got to give a shout out here one of the great things that I find when I was in DC I got to give a shout out here, one of the great things that I found when I was in DC. This is for everybody out there, anybody who plays professionally or just is like a drum nerd like me. I found a great place for 15 bucks an hour that you can go play drums at. It's called Seven Lessons Drums in Washington, DC. I showed up there. I played for two hours on Friday and two hours on Saturday. I could not have had a better time.

I went to two different drum rooms. The drums were top-notch. They were tuned up. They sounded great. And I mean, that's to me, a point I'm on the road, you know, and that's one of the greatest days of my life. If I can be on the road and I can just for two hours during the day, you know, to combat the fucking loneliness and all the bullshit that goes on when you're out there just sitting

there, you know, sitting there on a Thursday when there's nothing on TV. Dude, an ESPN at two o'clock in the fucking afternoon is one of the funniest things you're ever going to watch. Like, did you see that former jet making fun of tom Brady was hilarious he gave it up he said he's arguably the greatest quarterback of all time but he's a nerd what do you keep going kept saying corny you guys corny how many air high fives this guy get a miss just trashin him I was fucking hilarious I would think if tom Brady heard it he would laugh and then they went back to

skip bailess and you would have thought somebody spit on the fucking World trade memorial. He's like his comments were despicable I would Guess that they're possibly Born in jealousy his people know I am a huge fan of Tom Brady I Don't I don't agree with those comments. It's just like dude. Are you fucking serious right now?

Then what it is is it's two in the afternoon. They've already shown you the highlights Nothing new was happened and they just got to try and milk it for all its worth so there's nothing worth to do People you know if you're a fan of this, if you go to my website and you see the city that I'm going to be in, if you guys know cool studio places where I could just sit down and chill out and fucking play drums for a couple hours, by all means let me know. If you run one, let me know. I'll give it a shout out on the podcast. It is, it is my favorite thing to do when I go on the road if I can actually find a place like that and I found a great one

I know there's a lot of comics out there that play drums, you know, you bring your iPhone you plug it in You pretend you're fucking John Bonham for two hours. How much fun is that? seven lessons drums in Washington DC if you guys know some other places give me the heads up because I got to be honest with you, it's frustrating to learn some shit and then go on the road for a week

and you come back and you're fucking, one step forward, two steps back. It's a great fucking way. I feel like I got four hours better or at least maintained it. So thank you to everybody over there. Seven lessons from. All right, before I get into the questions,

unfortunately you guys got to listen and read out loud again here. That is correct. I got my atomic holds and I got a buddy coming in who's going to do everything the right way because even I have a stud find and I got a drill. I do not trust myself to put as a stand up comic, to put this thing up correctly and not do unbelievable damage to myself. You know, I don't be hanging by all my body weight, swinging from one hold to another. You know, as my pasty legs are out in front of me and then that thing fucking gives way.

You know, I'm at that fucking age more than then I'll have that pain for the rest of my fucking life. I'll finally know what it's like to be sacked in the NFL to fucking be horizontal for feet off the ground and land land on concrete, right? Feel like that's what Astrotur feels like. All right, let's get to the questions By the way, if you want to You know what I don't even have the email. What is the fucking email? God damn it You know what, I don't even have the email. What is the fucking email?

God dammit. Bill at theMMpodcast.com. That's where you send all your emails to. And if you guys know a better way to fucking learn the players' names nowadays, other than playing that fantasy stuff, I guess I just have to keep going to the website. All right, Boston.

Hey Bill, me and my wife are headed to Boston for the first time. Any tips on the best places to eat? I hate when people do this to me because I moved away from there in 1995. So, have to shit. I'm going to tell you to go to. It's probably not even there anymore. How about things we shouldn't miss? I'm going to Fenway for sure, but after that we are clueless, any help would be appreciated. Thanks and loved the podcast, except for the disparaging remarks about Sacramento. Come on, dude, Sacramento is a weird place. You know what I mean? It's either totally shady or you feel like you're in a Donny Osmond fucking Christmas special. Got to be honest with you, I don't know much about Sacramento to be totally honest with you,

because every time I stayed there, I didn't have a car and I was working the punchline there. And I stayed at the comedy condo across the street and then they had a dirty McDonald's that I would go to. So that's what it's based on. Other than the fact, one time I went to a Sacramento Kings game and I went to the downtown area

and I felt like I was in Utah in the whitest Mormon sense of the word. Which does mean it's bad. I mean I'm white. I don't know. When it's so white that I'm uncomfortable though, you know what I mean? I don't know. I probably don't know shit.

I will tell you this. If I've been telling you that I've been watching the ultimate fighter with Conor McGregor, Conor McGregor. And, uh, and, um, uh, fuck. What an asshole. I was just going to give him props of how fucking funny he's been. You're right. A favor. Jesus Christ. I got to stop talking on cell phones.

Dude, that guy has been fucking, I knew Connor McGregor was going to be funny. That's why I was tuning in to watch. But who knew how fucking funny you were? I was, haven't I already talked about this? When McGregor was talking shit to him about what the fuck he would do to him and then he just looks at him, he goes, he goes, Conner, do I strike you as a fearful man? And he keeps making fun of Conner's big fucking head, which I don't even think he has a big head, but I think it's starting to fuck with them. Anyways, it's funny, man. It's a great goddamn show. It's fun watching two guys talking shit, knowing that neither one of them is full of shit, knowing that both of them know how to fight, you know what I mean so many times when you sit there You're watching guys talking shit. I'll fucking do this. I'll do this. Yeah, you don't want to fuck with me It's usually people bluffing like me, you know what I mean? Oh my good friend Joe to Rosa I'd never seen a guy who knew how to fight less talk more shit in bars, but he just did it with supreme confidence

As he was backing up and the person would never taken that information He'd always kind of psych him out. Joe's got this way as scrunching up his fucking eyebrows and making this face. Even though he's got glasses on, you know, and he looks like he works at a library. You can think, well, maybe this guy knows some shit. Maybe this guy's fucking crazy. So anyway, so it's great to watch them talking shit. Just professional fighters anyways. It's not even like they're not talking shit. They're not talking shit. Just professional fighters anyways. It's not even like they're not

talking shit. They're not talking shit. They can do everything that they're saying. Anyways, speaking of that, what's the next UFC thing? I'm Jones and for one. I think I missed the last one because I was on the road. So all right, whatever. I'm babbling here. Let's get to the questions. All right. This guy's asking me what's a good thing to do here in Boston. Uh, well, let's see. I still have to go into Dominic to get a slice of pizza. That does not exist anymore. You know what's there now at W Hotel? I'll tell you what to see. Scripped the titties, go to the W Hotel right there on fucking warrants street on the corner warrants street used to be a parking lot do I even know anything anymore

combat zone is all fucking hotels I just know touristy shit oh my god this is terrible the swan boats I don't know anything about my city anymore Oh my god, this is terrible. The swan boats. I don't know anything about my city anymore. I know that if you go to Fenway, they bought up like the surrounding block and you can't go down there. You know what, sir, you stumped me. I'd say go to Harvard Square and go to the T, get yourself a burger, that doesn't exist anymore.

Oh my God, this is what's so fucking sad, me. I have no fucking idea. I Have no idea definitely taken a sporting event Fortunately with the internet. I'm sure you can get some ideas and hey, dude If you learn anything if you go to someplace cool Why don't you why don't you let me know? Here's a touristy place you can go to is the The the Union oyster house. That's like you know like fucking Paul Revere went in there and had a fucking Sam Adams back in the day and by that I mean he had a gay

relationship with them because the beer did not exist. That's a real touristy spot. I'm sure that's not everybody's rolling their eyes right now like oh my god. Dude don't fucking send him there. Tell you what I'll retweet places if people know some good places. Other than that, I just know, go to the Kaolun. That's why I used to stand up. I got some good Chinese food. I got nothing. Go to the New England Aquarium. Go look at the sad fish that want to be back in the ocean.

Oh, I know the North End. Go to the fucking North End. Go right down. Is it Hanover Street? I don't even remember the name of the ocean. Oh, I know the north end. Go to the fucking north end. Go right down. Is it hand over street? I don't even remember the name of the street begins with an H. Go down that fucking street and you know find somebody looks really Italian from the old neighborhood and be like, listen, I don't want to eat on this street. What's one? A couple of blocks over that you go to. I swear to God I won't tell anybody. It'll be the best fucking Italian that you can get in Boston, at least I think so. Oh God, that said, that really made me feel fucking old. Oh, here's another one. Here's another one, black mass,

hey Billy Bulger, nice, nice fucking call back there. Not call back, nice reference there. Billy Bulger, he was the politician. Did you see black mass? He said, I'm usually a pretty easy critic, but it was pretty rough. Nothing really happens and what does happen has been refuted by everyone who knows the story.

Well, you can say that about every fucking movie. I don't mean things like getting the color of his shirt right, but major events and motives, really disappointing. Well, you can kind of say that about good fellas. The way, you know, me and Verzi were talking about that. How they made Henry Hill look like Ray Leota. This is great looking movie star. And then when you see him, he was a little fucking worm. So, you know, it is a movie. I haven't seen it. I know some people liked it, some people didn't, but I'm still going to go see it because I love Johnny Depp. And also, I remember when no country for

old men came out and everybody was like, go over to the ending, the movie sucked. And it ended up being like my favorite one ever. So I did not see it. And I don't go to see movies to get a history lesson. And I don't think you should. I think you go there to be entertained. I don't know, it looks fucking great to me. So I'm definitely going to go see it. I think that's one of those ones that everybody thought it was going to be a big shoot-em-up kind of thing. And they did it in a little bit of a different way so they're like, what the fuck? And I'm calling it right now when a fucking goes on Netflix, I was like, you know what? I actually liked it. Verzy liked it. You know, so I can't tell you this though. That is a scary guy that you did not want to fuck with.

That's all I knew when I was living in Massachusetts. Unfortunately, I lived out the safe suburbs and played street hockey in a cul-de-sex. So I didn't have any sort of southy goodwill hunting upbringing whatsoever. We just drove around and shit cars with the case of beer in the weekends, drove around trying to find other kids drive around and fucking with cases of beer. That's what you did, that was the excitement in my town.

And you know what, we knew enough to stay away from heroin. It's fucking killing me now seeing all these kids on heroin after they get on a pain killers. It's unfuckin' believable, man. It's unfuckin' believable that that has made a comeback. You don't make a comeback from that fucking drug, dude. That's one of those drugs that and even when you get clean, you know what I mean? Every day you still want to fucking do it again. I mean, that's what a thing to do to yourself. I don't think that that's worth it, you know, to put it through the biggest understatement ever. Major fucking problem, though. Major, it's a fucking problem. Massachusetts, it's a problem in Vermont, Maine, all these places I'm going to

that will like the kind of places you used to go to to get away from that shit It's out in the suburbs man. It's a fucking epidemic. Anyways, alright wife thinks I'm nuts. Hey Billy Da Vinci My wife thinks I'm losing my mind. Well join the club a couple weeks back. I told her that I at the ripe age of 49 want to learn how to paint Dude, that's fucking great. That's fucking, dude, you, this is the thing, man, if you want to stay excited in life and if you want to fend off depression, like this is a really depressing week for me, man,

my uncle passed away and he's just the greatest guy ever. And, there's that thing, you know, no one, I'm never going to see him again. And then other thing as far as like, like that level of my relatives, one of them passed away, like he's the first one. And like, I'm the next wave. And you just start doing the math in your head. And I'll quit the last decade, went by and it's like, oh my I'm gonna fucking be that guy in like two months you feel. So what's, you can't stop the clock from ticking but you know nobody can stop you from

enjoying yourself or having a good time unless you let them. So you know I think that's how I ended up you know, I just I Don't know I am a big fucking believer in Learning how to do shit and that whole a jack of all trades master and then go fuck yourself. I do stand up. All right I Do that thing. I'm never gonna master it because a second. I think that I've mastered it I'm gonna stop growing and then the depression comes back like for me when I'm never going to master it because a second I think that I've mastered it, I'm going to stop growing and then the depression comes back. Like for me, when I'm standing still and I got time to think and contemplate, like however I'm wired, it just, it puts me in a fucking funk. So I'm always chasing that next fucking carrot thing. Like I'm learning how to smoke meat, you know, I was

going to try to smoke some ribs this week, but I got to go to the funeral. I'm hoping, you know, I can maybe give that a shot this weekend, but, you know, playing drums, I learned how to fly helicopter. I got into old cars and stuff, you know, and I have like, you know, I don't have a tremendous amount of knowledge in any of that shit, but other than obviously I got my pilot's license, I had to know what the fuck I was doing. I'm doing all by the way, I'm doing a flight this week where I'm going to land at El Monte, and then I'm going to do a lap around the Rose Bowl, which is so fucking cool. I'm starting to like my big thing right now before I get instrument trained is I really want to get comfortable on the radio and I already did the advanced auto rotation class so I know I can get that thing to the ground with the fucking engine cuts out, which was the big thing for me.

So now I'm past that fear that I know if something bad happens, I know I can get to the ground and I have fucking confidence in that. So now my next little hurdle is I got to get comfortable on the radio, you know, and know what to say and just get better at listening and looking for traffic and all that type of shit. And the only way to do it is to go fucking do it. So getting back to what you're talking about is you want to learn how to paint at the ripe age of 49. Like I just love even the way you're writing that. I mean,

I don't want to put words into your mouth, but the the tone underneath that is that you shouldn't be trying new things or learning new things at 49. You should be set in your ways. You should have your fucking routine. And for some people that is comforting. But to fuck that, if you want to learn how to paint, I don't give a fuck of your 89. That'll keep your mind active as opposed to sitting there rotting in between your ears. So anyways, he said, you know, I'm ripe old age of 49 and I let her know that I want to paint. She immediately changed the subject to shed that, oh she immediately changed the subject to the shed, okay, that needs cleaning out. I explained to her that one has nothing to do with the other. I can clean the shed and learn how to paint. I'm self-employed. I brought it up again and she rolled her eyes. I love my wife,

but this has me wondering, what are the things that she shot down in the past that maybe I just accepted? You talked about that in your last special, what's my move here? I don't want to pass over this. I'd rather address it and fix it. What's your next move? To go down to the art supply store and get yourself a fucking easel. It's some paint, and I would learn how to paint. This is the deal, dude. She has no fucking argument here. This is like literally you want to learn to do something

that's gonna make your life more enjoyable. And that's what I would say. I would just say, listen, I want to learn something that's going to make my life more enjoyable and fill me with happiness. And it doesn't involve me fucking another woman. So what exactly is your problem? Lady, right? What is your problem lady right what is your problem if you want to address it like dude you're gonna destroy in this just sit down and just say listen I need to talk to you about something all right all right immediately she's gonna be off guard because she didn't because you know there's gonna be a talk and you've

had a time to fucking get your ideas. In order to just say, listen, the other day, when I mentioned to you that I want to learn how to paint, you immediately said that the shed needed to be cleaned out. When I told you that I had enough time to do both, you rolled your eyes at me. And don't say it the way I just said, you rolled your eyes. See, I get the anger. You rolled your eyes. You go back, you bring your head back. See I'm not getting in a grill so she can actually hear you and she won't be on the defensive.

Just be like, you rolled your eyes at me and that hurt my feelings because if there was something that you ever wanted to do that was going to make you happy, I would never come at you in a negative way. I would encourage you to do it. So I was just wondering what was behind that. And, you know, just let her talk and talk your way through and just say, listen, like, for the rest of my life, I'm gonna be trying new things

because it makes my life enjoyable. And it would crush me that the woman that I love would somehow get in the way of that. Alright? The shed's going to be cleaned out and I'm going to learn how to paint. Alright? And I don't want to paint a picture of you being a cunt to me. So why don't you lighten up this?

Show me a titsuit, see? Right there. See what happens? Always in the end. I get mean. That's why I couldn't talk to that guy in the fucking cigar bar. Alright. Alright.

Okay Bill. Aren't you paranoid? Hey, Billy B. Aren't you a bit paranoid with all this tracking and surveillance? I think he's talking about the microchipping and all that shit. He said, I noticed that this is a typical American psyche. Oh, Jesus Christ. Here in Europe, we are a bit well, a lot more relaxed about those things. I don't know if people are doing this just to try to get me all fucking fucked up, but I've noticed that about people from other countries like they are so fucking arrogant with like they think they know all the American psyche. Like what do you know about the American psyche? You don't fucking live here. What the shit you watch on the BBC?

fucking live here. What the shit you watch on the BBC? You fucking dope over in America were a little more relaxed. Really? Based on what? Based on what? Isn't that where the last two world wars started? Oh, what do you go way back to then? Look what happened when would fucking Russia pulled out all those, because the Bosnian Serbs Russia you're not more relaxed you're not any more fucking relaxed fucking maniacs you can't even go to a football game without beating a shit out of each other getting all fucking hammered you're not more relaxed all right I don't see that at all I'm not saying we're better than you or what? Like, you know, and also you're not a bit more paranoid. I love how Scott went shot down Monsanto when they wanted to have

their fucking genetically altered food coming to their country. And they're like, you're not fucking doing that. I don't think you're more relaxed. I don't think Greece looks that fucking relaxed right now. As they got in bed with the evil fucking bankers. And now I don't know what the fuck happened over there. Their whole fucking economy collapsed. I don't see many relaxed things over there. Yeah nice and relaxed. You draw a cartoon and then somebody comes in and sprays the place with bullets. Ah yeah it's so fucking chill. God it's so refined and relaxed over there. Fucking neo-Nazis. Can't even go to a fucking football game without being reminded a Hitler. Jesus fucking Christ. What? Because you got a king and a queen

riding around in a carriage. You think it's all fucking chill? Anyways, my question here is why. I see that you will reject anything that makes your life easier and more convenient. Well, that you will reject anything that makes your life easier and more convenient. Well, it all depends on how you define convenient, which you spelt incorrectly. He goes, but it's collecting any data, whether it's purchasing habits, location, and such. I prefer to see personalized ads rather than random ads for moms. If I buy something all the time in a market, why not create club card? You will pay less. Oh my God, what a dope. It doesn't matter that you will receive an email every once in a while, which will land in spam anyways. Dude,

you're not paying less. Do you want to say you're not paying less? Do you know anything about corporations? They're never going to make less money They're going to create this whole thing like hey join the club man and look you'll get 40% off this shit that we can't fucking sell That's what they give you a discount on and Then if you actually got some part whatever their prime rib is that they're selling you all they do is jack up the price Go hey, it used to be this and now it's this so you give the perception That you're getting a lower price and I don't have I'm not paranoid dude. I am informed believe it or not

Now I always call myself a fucking dope All right, because I know that I am and I don't think that I know everything, but I do understand how corporations operate. Okay? And they literally sit there and they go, dead babies or more money for us and they actually debate going like, well, how much will the parents suing us for their dead babies cost us to set a lot of court versus how much money, you know, To have these lead and fuse fucking pacifiers and if the pacifiers

I mean using this obviously is a fuck I know you're rolling your eyes because you fucking think you know everything Which is certainly do as you're shit on my country a country. You don't even fucking live in They will choose the fucking the product. Auto companies did that, you know, with a new like fucking police like with the crown Victoria when they knew cops were getting rear ended when they on

the road and were burning to death, they fucking squelched all of that fucking information. And they took the fucking law suit. All right, they're not on your side. They're not trying to make your life any easier. What they're trying to do is they're getting, they're invading your fucking privacy.

Like look dude, I don't have a problem that you don't have a problem with somebody invading your privacy, okay? But you should have to give consent to that. And what I don't like is I have not given my consent, okay? I didn't give my consent for you to put my fucking bank account information online. They just fucking did it. I don't want to bank online and they just put it up there anyways. Then I had to go down to the fucking bank and go through this whole fucking maze.

And they were very hostile before they would let me take my own banking information off of the fucking internet, that they exposed my entire fucking adult life of working to getting hacked into. They exposed all of that. They made the choice, and not me. I think that that's fucked up. And if you think like when you go through history, how human beings have handled any level of power, I'm talking about the average person

just getting their own fucking sitcom, what that does to their fucking psyche, okay? When you're trying to take over shit, the thought of rebellion and all that is always in the back of your head. If you fucking microchip everybody and you know where everybody is, you can fucking just,

and you put all the money is then on the microchip and all your shit is just on that. All you gotta all the money is then on the microchip and all your shit is just on that all you got to do is just shut somebody's chip off and you've killed any sort of rebuttal to anything that you're doing that's it in the future when you go to a protest they'll just fucking they'll just have to have some sort of satellite everybody's chip number will show up and they'll just puke shut it off and they'll starve you for fucking 10 days so you learn the fucking lesson they won't kill you because if they kill you that'll that'll cause more people to get upset

They just sort of kick you back and the people like yeah, you know what? I'd love to go to a fucking protest You know right now. It's like I'd love to go to a protest But the cops are gonna beat the shit on me, which is so fucking ridiculous You can't go to a protest. There is no protest You go to a protest and the is no protest. You go to a protest in the cop speed the shit out of you. That's basically what happens. Then they always try to act like, oh, well, these guys got out of line. Give me a fucking break. They've been doing that since the fucking beginning. So I don't think I'm paranoid, sir. If you want all of your fucking information and

all that out there to make your life more convenient and you don't have to think, you have to think less like I don't I don't think that's good. I don't think that having like that fucking app on my phone. This is my own personal thing and I'm not gonna shit on your fucking country. I only shit on you after you shit on my country, all right? Okay I don't think there's anything wrong with your continent or your country and I don't think there's anything fucking wrong with the fact that you don't give a shit about this. So you think it makes your life easy? That's fine.

All right. But I mean, I'm not, I don't want to be microchip dude. I don't. I also find that on my phone, the little GPS thing that fucking tell me to make a left in blah, blah, blah, blah. I've never had more fucking problems getting to, when I had the map and I had to use my brain, I was never had more fucking problems getting to when I had the map and I had to use my brain I was made way more effective way more effective. I

Start fucking looking at the picture. They'll go make a right and then there's like a lazy right and a right and I'm looking at it And I can't you know as I'm fucking driving it makes me more dangerous than driver. I Don't know I like using my fucking brain. I'll figure out my own shit. And I don't think that this stuff makes my life easier, because it constantly has to be updated and replaced. And then you replace it. And then you throw it in the fucking ocean,

and you're polluting the environment that you're in. And I know a guy like you is probably rolling your fucking eyes right now, because all you give a fuck about is your little flat or whatever the fuck you live and having them. Oh yeah, I like soft t-shirts. Oh, thank you for that ad right there that I can click on. Like if that's how you want to live your life, God bless you. But I don't think I'm being paranoid at all. You know what I mean? Anyways, you can say I'd love to see in Poland maybe the next time you are in Europe. I would love to go to Poland. I actually heard that up along the coast is beautiful and actually a south of Poland is great places to take vacation. Who fucking knew? I didn't know that till I went over there. So my apologies to any other part of Europe. I just so sick of people like not seeing how fucked up their places and just constantly

You know, I'm gonna tell us flying across the country. There was this chick from Australia We're literally in the United States flying from one US city to another and she's shitting On the US to me a US citizen I'm not saying we don't have our faults absolutely Apps of fucking loopy, you know, I mean we don't have our faults. Absolutely. Apps to fucking loop. You know what I mean? I don't know what the fuck we're doing. We won a World War in four and a half years. We spent 15 fucking years, 14 years over in fucking Iraq. I don't know what we're doing. Trying to put up Starbucks.

Anyways, I'm not saying we don't have our fucking faults, but I mean, just this is just a common level of decency. You know what I mean? Like, to sit there and go to another country and shit on the country, to somebody from that country, and then say what country you're from, I don't know, there's a fucking level of ignorance there that I just feel like Americans are always getting accused of. And everybody else is patting themselves on the back about how fucking amazing their country

is because it's not the US. And I'm just saying, you guys got your fucking warts too. All right? So fucking relax. I like going to your countries. I like meeting the people over there. And I know ITGM, make fun of your sports, a blah, blah, blah, blah. I know I compared Sydney, Australia to Sacramento, California,

but you know, I'm being, you know, just bust in your fucking balls. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive. Maybe I'm the cut in this. I have no idea. All I know is I gotta get on with my fucking day here because obviously I got the bullshit I have to deal with. You know, fucking annoyed this shit out of me.

I gotta say this really fucking quickly because I don't think it's gonna get a laugh in the comedy club Is when I was watching CNN and that fucking horrific shooting at the school happened and this fucking lady all right She looks like Mary Lou Redden is Flipping out because she can't get the the the the right number of dead people at the school It's like isn't it enough that it's a fucking tragedy. What do you flip it like to share a phone? Five it's fucking nine people or 10 people, it's like, lady, fucking relax.

The tragedy happened. The tragedy is gonna exist tomorrow. All right, maybe law enforcement is trying to figure out who fucking did it, why and all of that shit. Stop acting like you're solving the fucking case. You're freaking out because you wanna get the right amount of dead people

so you have the accurate shit so people will go to you when there's a fucking tragedy So you can sell get make more money when you sell your fucking fruit loops your fucking Yeah, can't oh fucking annoyed me. She's sitting there screaming in yelling. It's just sweet. I just go to bed All right, just go to bed I don't need to see and I don't understand people who sit there and they watch that shit. And then they show the pictures of the relatives and the friends crying, hugging and all that. Every time I saw it, I would turn the fucking channel. I don't want to see what the guy

looked like who did it. I don't want to know his fucking name. Fuck that piece of shit. I don't know if he's alive or dead. If he's alive, they should kill him. They should be out. This is the guy who did it without a doubt We know this okay, he just taken right out in fucking street to buy in the air. That's it over I think they should do that with all sex offenders all pedophiles all of that you can't cure those people Just take him right out to buy in a fucking ear, right? Drag him off throw him in a pit bull bulldoze over them, and then, uh, I don't know, fucking turn the music on.

All right, that's a podcast for this week, everybody. What, it got a little sideways there at the end. Got a little sigh. I look obviously I'm a little fucking paranoid. I'll give you that, but I think it's a healthy fucking paranoia. You don't even meet, you know, when you watch and cigarette companies going like, I don't think cigarettes are right. I don't think they're addictive at all. Ignoring all of their fucking information, right?

Government spraying agent orange over its own fucking troops, ignoring it, denying it, right? What's the latest one? Oh that fracking that fucking absolutely destroys the drinking water and then those corporation guys sit there going like I would drink that drinking water. Well here's some would you like to drink it? No I don't think I'm fucking paranoid. I don't want those types of people to go around having more information on the public because they're absolute fucking psychopaths. Dude, the head of Nestle doesn't think water is a basic human right.

He wants to own the rain. These people are out of their fucking minds and the president only makes four in a grand of fucking year and needs that guy's money. So they're not going to talk about those guys. Oh, but God forbid. God forbid you make fun. What's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL addition going into week number five. Before we get started, we want to shout out our great spots for bet MGM guys use the bed MGM app use our code bird 200 put in as little as

a $10 deposit in and they will give you $200 in wages regardless of the outcome of your bet It's a great deal. All you have to do is go to bed MGM app download the app use our code bird to 200 and That's it put $10 in and bet responsibly They also have a survivor pool where you could go in and you pick a team to win. And as long as that team wins, not even against the spread. Just wins that week. You continue to uh, to move on and you get prizes at the end.

Um, it's a good week for Bill. Bed week for me. I went down. I went back down. I went back down to four under. I'm six and 10 because I went, uh, one and three. But I'll tell you, I went down, I went back down, I went back down to four under, I'm six and ten because I went one and three, but I'll tell you, I just had bad picks. Other than Jacksonville, nothing was close.

All the teams I picked were wrong. The Saints are not who I thought they were. Bill, you had a great week, dude. Yeah, that, you know, Bill's dolphins kind of played out the way I thought it was going to, I can't remember who I took. All I remember was the fucking Steelers didn't show up that day. Oh my God, they got to...

I guess the Texans have a good defense. It's no secret anymore, Paul. And I'll be yelling a little bit because I can't fucking hear anything. You know why, Paul? Because the latest download makes you have to buy the new fucking phone. And the government doesn't do anything about it. The fact that this company sabotage their own fucking product forcing me to fucking buy another one.

Fuck Steve Jobs. You know, not even fuck Steve Jobs. Fuck these pussy fucking politicians. All they care about is their money so they can go buy some more fucking loafers, fucking stuff, shirt, cunts. Sorry, I'm on the road until fucking Monday with this, not now all of a sudden, you know, dude, I had the IROXE with the T-top pop.

I took care of her, I polished her, you know, I got a nice case and a nice fucking screen, I don't throw a thing around. And it's just, it's like cars in the 80s, when they made them they were designed to fucking break up at 60,000. So what a frustrating. And I think go three in one call, a 97 call

after four fucking weeks. I got my head above the water, like Leo right before you want me under because that fucking bitch wouldn't share the mattress. Hey, you know what? You got a six game lead on me and you got a two game lead on the book. You are doing it.

Well, I'm not competing against you. I'd help you move a fucking body. I'm trying to beat the book with you. No. But you historically, you start slow like Eli. Yeah. Well, you start slow and you start coming on mid-October. Well, I gotta give you credit for something, man.

Everything you said about that Bill's dolphins game, especially with the, you Well, I got to give you credit for something, man. Everything you said about that bills dolphins game especially with the you know, I got it. You said it exactly what was gonna happen. I looked at it like the dolphins like I said I had to see the hand because I couldn't believe the dolphins would fly like that and then go in there and be dogs let alone lose the way they did. I heard you uh Jake the snake. I ran into Jake the snake. Jake the snake shout out to Jake by the way until my show at the improv. Jake you saw a good one. But the ace Ross said the anything better. He the ace Ross but he said he was like I didn't even realize the dolphins didn't score in the second half of that game man. Paul it's an entertainment league. You can't have the dolphins going out for games to none okay Okay, they had took a minute to rewrite the script. It was going to be Jets and Bells. And unfortunately,

you know, their QB goes down Aaron Rogers, so now they got to switch it around. So I got to be honest with you start gambling, you think it's fixed. Why the fuck Patrick Mahomes runs out of bounds there because I guess because to prevent defense, they would let him go to the whole fucking field in 18 seconds I mean it was the smart football move Because then they could run out the clock, but meanwhile They would have covered and Vegas would have lost their ass Yeah, well, are you telling me Paul these math leaps with their algorithms and their computers?

Figured out the dew point of that fucking game and that fucking he was gonna run out of bounds there. It all sticks to high heaven. I think Taylor Swift is behind it all. I would not say the distraction. Yeah, she is. She's not showing the whole time. She already is.

She already is she already is Is she a distress Maybe the referees not to dumb people I mean oh, I mean like the dummies like who just care about that Give a fucking she's in the box dude. I got I got a fucking spread the cover You'll see in her jumping around with fucking cheese sticks or whatever she was eating dead to talk about you about that shit Paul that reminds me of the Toronto Raptors when they had a super fan seeing her jumping around with fucking cheese sticks or whatever she was eating dead. They're talking about you. What do you about that shit, Paul? That reminds me of the Toronto Raptors when they had the super fan, right? The guy with the turban or whatever.

That guy went to every single home and away game, home and away game when they sucked. And they did all of these things and the guy was a great guy, a positive guy. Yeah. You just loved him when you saw the interview. Then all of a sudden the raptors get good and Drake starts coming around. You used to call me on your cell phone. You used to, you used to. And then they never showed the guy again.

They never fucking showed him again. They went into the fucking finals and you get to see this guy. The true super fan, they didn't show him once. They showed Drake more than they showed the fucking head coach of their own goddamn team right that's what Taylor Swift is gonna do to Patrick Mahomes wife and she's gonna get upset she's gonna be like oh PNP no they're already friends yeah yeah but they're already friends she's

she's already getting her in so she could be part of it. She knows women are there. We start off as friends Paul. Yeah, because of the rails. The next thing you know, you lose a golfing buddy. Dude, I was I did I did K Adam. I'm getting I did I did K Adams yesterday.

I went in studio and I did the K Adams show. And she's like Paul, we want to talk to you about that. You know the way the producer comes in before you go on yeah Bill I wish you saw her face the producer goes on and they go all right we want you to obviously Paul we know how big of a giant's venue where we want it we want you to talk about Daniel John's the offensive line of giants then they go we want you to talk about Bill Bella check and dude you're gonna love this Bill Bella check got broke up with his girlfriend before the season does that have anything to do that like they're just so they go like this

I'm in studio and I'm sitting there and I'm on TV and I'm with grunk I'm with grunk grunk is the get me and grunk goes hey what's up Paul my what's up dude love you bye bye right so sit there and K out of just cuz K out of goes Paul so you know this whole thing go Bella check in his girlfriend but we're finding out his girlfriend and him broke up. You think that has anything to do with it? And I just go like this, I go, I go, okay, I go, it's a tale is old this time. I mean, nobody takes down an empire like a woman. Dude, her fucking face, they just went like this in the producers and fucking grog was like this. And then I, you know, then we got so tense in there that I go, look, I'm kidding, I'm

fighting with my wife. And grog's like, dude, I'm not touching this one. Ron goes, I'm not touching this one. Dude, I got a message from the producer going, dude, we were dying. We were dying because I was just being silly. But Daniel Jones, they go, do you want to say anything that Daniel Jones, he's going to be here tomorrow? We'll play your question for him And I go Daniel Daniel listen to me. How pit when he threw the tablet how bad did you want to fucking shove it in it? I just got really hot and she's like fall unfortunately we can't really give him a question But the giants are breaking my heart the offensive line is horrible and they're breaking my heart, Bill. Well, you can do it. I'm a pass fan. I'm right through with you. That was another game I saw. I thought the

packs were hanging with the Cowboys for a half. And then what happened was going to happen. But instead, I don't think we even lasted half of the first quarter. We went out three day nothing. Reminded me of Super Bowl 20 before the Bears destroyed us. And you know, dude, like, if you wanna argue Mac Jones isn't the guy, I'd be, all right, maybe that's it, but he's not the problem. The guys got no targets and he's running for his life. They brought his happy kid. Now he's running for his life.

It's like, we just gotta figure something out when they will, because it's Bill Belletcheck. They just, they haven't figured it out yet. Let's get to the picks here, Paul, because I just recorded my fucking podcast And it was first they wanted to fucking quiet so I gotta do it again. Who has who has a first pick? I think I do yep go ahead All right, I'm gonna take the New England Patriots playing the Saints

You know we're coming off the loss I think the paths despite our protection your shoes is paint manning going just to always say I say I think that we bounced back we're at home and I think the paths are getting one Andrew yes getting one or a lay in one I don't give a fuck what is it they're getting one they're getting one they're getting one. Yeah, I'm taking the past getting one I know it's a bit of a Shit show with with between Jones and Zappy right now and I'm not paying attention to that crap You know billbell a check wins fucking games even with teams like this and I think the Saints

The Saints aren't marching in Paul. I think they're pointing in the wrong direction I'm not saying they won't figure some shit out, but they're not going to figure it out this week. I got the Pats getting one at home. That's, that's a W for you. Um, all right. I'm going, I'm going to do something. I don't know if I've ever picked this team since we've been doing this show for two years.

I don't know if I ever picked this team, but they look good. And I'm going to take, and I don't believe in the team they're playing. I'm going to take the Houston Texans on the road, getting one and a half. It's the Falcons, right? Yeah, Falcons scare me. Like they came out of the blocks, like looking great. And now they look like the Falcons.

But the usual Falcons but the usual Falcons. I don't know. I kind of like if I had to bet that game, I don't know. I kind of, I was like, Atlanta going to turn it around. That's a ballsy pick, though. I do like that, Texans defense. So I think that's a, uh, quality, quality. You're waiting in the weeds on that one, you know, right? I get gate, too, you top pick. And I think that detections like the little taste they got last week beaten up the Steelers like that. And I've seen enough from the Falcons to know the Falcons could put up 17 points and then just dip and lose at the end. I'm going to take the detections to pull that one off. So I got them. I like it. I like it. All right, I'm going with the lady that's been fucking

and I brought me to the dance there. I'm going with the Ravens minus four, playing the Steelers in Pittsburgh. Look, I think the Steelers are going to bounce back and play better, but I just feel like the Ravens have the coach, they have the personnel, and they're just in a way better spot right now. I wish it was fucking three and not four, but I just really believe in that team there. I think they, you know, if they stay healthy, they're definitely locked in to make a nice playoff from.

I got the Ravens laying four in Pittsburgh, Paul, one of my favorite cities in the country. Me too. Okay. Like like that pick. Look, here's what I think about this team. The Cincinnati Bengals do. This is it. This is their season. They're one and three. They're either going to write the ship and go two and three or they are dead. And I don't know if burrowing them could accept that. I think minus three. I took them last time. They were minus three when I sat with you Bill and watched that defensive line and they won that game. They know they got to win this game. It's only a field goal

I'm gonna take the bank. I'm gonna take Cincinnati. That's funny because I like the Cardinals. I Just feel like Murray is gonna be fucking running and he's like Barry San just playing got QB But I'm gonna stay away from that one. And I got two other games here that I'm looking at. Oh, I don't know where to go. For some reason, I feel like the chiefs

are gonna break out against the Vikings. But I hate that number four, because the Vikings are good and they're also at home. Then I got the jets getting two and a half against the fucking Broncos. Let's get in two and a half against the fucking Broncos. Dude, how fucking nuts is that stupid story? Have you seen that story? I'm gonna say who, but everybody knows.

There's a QB, this room is going around that he banged his mom's friend, right? Yeah. Yeah, and is what I love about that story Is it's people giving them shit for doing it, and then also people giving them props for doing it, but no one's looking at that woman going, wait, when did you first meet him? Like you banged him when he was 24, that was your mom's friend, you fucking pervert.

You know, hey, good on him, I'm just saying. It's just funny how, you know, the river runs one front one way Paul Nobody question her or her fucking motives You know what Paul I think I'm gonna stay away from both of those and just to keep this podcast interesting I'm gonna go ahead to head with you. I'm gonna take the Cardinals Layin getting three. I think that they've been playing above their fucking pay grade the whole year I don't think they get any goddamn respect and

I don't think that Joe burrow is getting enough rest to make that calf injury Hey fucking betting against him God damn it No, you know what that feels like a fucking loss Sorry about that and I don't like the fuck is I've taken a chief's mind for I'm sticking with that. I feel like they have a breakout game, right? Okay, that's your third pick is the chief's second pick wait, so I got it. I got a dog in three favorites. I like a balanced attack ball Um favorites. I like a balanced attack ball. Yeah, I three games I saw then the other ones are just up in the air here. You know what? I'm gonna go with the jets. Fuck it. Plus two

and a half. I'm gonna hold in like that one. I'm gonna take the jets plus two and a half against the Broncos. It doesn't make any fucking sense. It doesn't make any sense to me that, you know, Russell is having this, I just don't, like how the fuck do you, it's like he just, it's like though that, you know, when you're walking out in the surf and all of a sudden it goes from like fucking five feet to 500 feet, like how did that happen? Russell Wilson, I just don't understand it. Anyways, all right.

Jets plus two and a half, Paul Versey doesn't like it. But you don't like the Jets either, Paul? No, I wanted that game. That was my next pick. That's the fucking lot of... Paul, you know I do anything for you. But I can't do that. Glasses are on, Paul. The picks are in.

Well, no, wait a minute. I'm only on my third. Yeah, Bill, that's not about me. When I put the glasses in, it means I'm fucking done. No, no, you have one more. Yeah, you still got one more. No, I don't. Yeah, well, you changed from the chiefs to the cardies. Oh, I thought that was my fourth pick. I'm sorry.

All right, with my third pick, I am going to take I was at so five last week for the chargers and the Raiders and the chargers started handing it to the Raiders and with the backup quarterback the Raiders started to play play good play decent, keep it to seven. Think Garoppolo's coming back. I believe the Raiders are home. It's a one-point line.

The Raiders are getting one at home, which is basically a pick-em. I think Jimmy G comes back and I think the Raiders have a nice win. I think they end up trying to write it a little bit at two and three. I'm going to take the Raiders plus one. All right, now that the drama of me putting my sunglasses on my stupid little bit there is over. I like the Eagles in so far. I think they had a tough game last week. They're going to have a tough practice this week.

As much as I respect the Rams and their coach, Eagles lay in four and a half. I'm going with them. As much as I respect the Rams and their coach, Eagles lay in four and a half. I'm going with them. I just, I believe in them this year. Now Paul now he puts the sunglasses on. Dude, if I go O and four, I'm going to be, I mean, I'm like the giant season. If I don't pull this one, I like to giant have a question of confidence right now. This isn't the Paul Verz we used to. Paul Verz we used to walks around. He's got his fur coat on with no shirt on underneath.

This is Paul with his windbreaker questioning everything he's doing. I'm not used to this. He's got a little money and he's by, I used to have a little money walking around money. Hey, look at me. I'm fucking sitting here like the seasons over. I'm putting my sunglasses on, Paul palm I'm going to look fucking there. WWE this

year. Well for my fourth and final pick I am gonna take the San Francisco 49ers minus three and a half against the Cowboys at home. Game of the week, dude. I think the 49ers are just too much. I think their defensive line is too much. I think they're offense with deep. What do you think that thickness? Biggest weakness on the 49ers is. They're quarter back. Right. Now, what do you think about their head coach versus the Cowboys? I mean, that's a tough one, but I think I like the 49ers coach a little better offensively than I like McCarthy. You know, I listen, I wouldn't touch three and a half if they were in Dallas. I think the crowd's going to be going nuts.

I think the defense is going to get to DAC and maybe make DAC make a mistake. I would really love the game if it was three. I don't love the half a point. You know, I make the key to that game is Paul. What's that 49 is got to be playing with the lead. The 49 is a playing with the lead that kid party can manage the game. But if he has to play catch up, that Dallas D's going to get a pick. I stayed away from that. That game made me nervous is I don't know which way it's gonna go. It's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's But that's the fucking game of the week though right there. You got to you got to say that. This is the thing about me I like to go in the deep water, okay? Like to jump. It's a scary

You're not a guy that you don't live you like by fear listen. It's a scary game. It's like I said I don't like to have a point but I'm taking the better team and I think it's the better team on offense and defense and I think it's the better coach 49ers are a better team right now because they're healthy. I will tell you though when they meet again in January, if the Cowboys are healthy on defense, they almost want to lose this game. I don't see either team beat the other one twice. You know who said that? What you just said, Grunkowski said that yesterday. He goes, I don't see the 49ers lose and he goes, but I'm not saying it's going to be like that the whole year. He said what you just said. Hey Paul, you know, this is the reason why I got my sunglasses on.

Hey, your walk. There's a reason I'm 97th Paul against the fucking four captains for a week. So just this, you know what Paul, I slept with my picks last week. I slept comfortably. I didn't sleep with them. All right, let's do okay, Paul. Here it is. We came so fucking close last week. God damn it. It was some injury or something like that. Killed us.

All right, everybody. Let the Monday night special. Win some money for you. For God's sake, let the Monday night special. Win some motherfucking money for you. Know what happened was that fucking cutunt on Goddamn Johnston's score touchdown. Gina went down through a fucking touchdown to a Metcalf. Dude, you see that guy's fucking body?

Motherfucker eats skittles and Kit Katz and shit. He looks like he's made out of iron. Yeah, but he's gonna fucking, when he's gonna blow out like Bernard King when he's done, dude. Well, I always ate fucking candy and shit. I never looked like that. See, put a way powder on his snickers first. All right, well, I love, I don't trust the Falcons.

I love, this is my thing. You do it. I mean, hey, I love Jimmy G to Devonte Adams for a touchdown. Both of them throw one catch one. Wait, who's playing Monday night? Oh, no, it's not the Raiders isn't it? It is the Raiders. Yeah, Packers Raiders. Sorry. Packers. You started saying it later. It's like what's going on here? I'm sorry, not a like a Packers Raiders in in Vegas means Packer fans like a fucking Packers home game. Devonte Adams though, man, the guys just, well, I saw him up close to personal. The guy's really good and Jimmy G loves him as a target. So him, him a touchdown could, him to him for a touchdown. Jimmy G to throw one and Devonta Adams to catch one

is like, what do you do? What do you do? He's got to stop throwing those late in the game interceptions, dude. Yeah. But I think in the first half he gets one for him. I like that. All right, so what do you want the third part to be? My thing, I don't know shit about the Packers.

I know they got some new kid love or something to quarterback, right? And he seems to be good on day when some you lose some Paul. Hey, the ups and blows. Yeah, what's the spread? Raiders are getting one, so it's basically a pick them. And what's the over under? It's actually right now it's not listed. It looks like they might be updating the lines. We're gonna worst of the play at the bus mom,

but I don't see it over. It was funny last week, Paul. When we took the under, I go, yeah, both those teams kind of have good defenses and these fucking assholes on their pages. Like, actually, they don't have good defenses. And you could see that if you weren't wearing those gay glasses.

Well, you know what? I think I saw it, you cunts. Fucking came in, The under came in. The under did come in. It did came in easily with ease. I'm seeing 44 and a half for the overrunner. So that's like an estimate. I mean, we'll see if I'm getting extra. I don't know why. I just feel like they're going to be flying around out there. Let's do it. I like the entertainment league call. Like, you know, Thursday game was a little fucking boring.

So I think that we got to light it up a little bit. Yeah, a little meeting. The last thing's going to put the call in. Yeah, yeah, a little meeting with the officials. Keep the laundry in the pocket on this one. Yeah, let him air it out. I don't air it out. It's good.

All right, so then the Monday night special will be Jimmy G to throw on Devote Adams to catch one and over 44 and a half. So there's four. I love that. I love it. I love that Paul. I mean, who are we?

Not as much as I love you, but I do love that Paul. Paul, you're my original Monday night special. All right, that's it. That's it guys. That is it. Thank you guys so much. Go to the bed MGM app, put in $10, use bonus code of birth 200, you'll get it up to $200,000. Regardless of the outcome of your bet, go to the suicide, not to say, I keep saying the suicide pool because that's what we said when we were kids, the survivor pool, pick a team. If they win, you eliminate that team and you keep going and they'll be prizes at the end, bet responsibly. Enjoy this week football and, um, we will see you next week.

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