Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-11-21

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

Bill rambles with Jason Newsted about the anniversary of Metallica's 'Black Album'. Newsted Interview: 00:00-57:000 BetMGM NFL Preview w/Paul Virzi: 57:00-1:35:00 Throwback Episode: 1:35:00-end   Thompson Cigars:  15% OFF orders over $75 OR 20% OFF orders over $99 Liquid IV: 25% off ANYTHING you order when you get better hydration today using promo code BURR at LIQUID IV DOT COM.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, and I'm up just for Monday Morning podcast. I almost got myself confused there. Maybe because I'm excited about my guest. I'm just checking in on you I have an amazingly backlit guest this week Yeah, yeah, there's all kinds of stuff from echo brain and some other band you might have heard of Metallica The one and only Jason Newstead. What's going on, man? Bill Byrd. It's good to see your face. Thanks for having me, bud. Yeah, it's good to see I haven't seen you since I think San Francisco. No, was it San Francisco? Yeah, I think my boys came down from the chop house and we hung out with you And went out to dinner and stuff at a time. That's right. That's okay. I wasn't sure that one weird time

I ran into you in Paris Oh that on your birthday and you're turned your 50th birthday And you bought me some drinks. You were very nice. Yeah, and you weren't really drinking then But you still got convinced to do it and you and Mia came over and met us at that club real late Yeah, thanks and stuff. It was fun. That was right before I Quit drinking that was June. I quit drinking in November. Yeah, I haven't drank since and I'm not gonna lie to you I miss it. Yeah, being sober sucks. It's good It's good for the kids, but dude, yeah, I'm sure they can take in life in the face every day

Yeah, and not being able to just be like, you know what I'm gonna alter my experience. It's like nope I just have to sit here Sit here and take it but that's not why we're talking today. We're talking today because I can't believe this This is making me old as hell It is we're coming up on or I think it might have just happened the 30th anniversary of The release of the Metallica Self-titled is it black album people called like I was just called Metallica, right? Right. Yeah, just mm-hmm, right? Yeah 30 years man, you know, I was looking at then that's on all the all-time lists

That's like one of those back in black Michael Jackson thriller Eagles greatest hits. It just never Goes off the charts Truly well when you were making it did you when you guys are making I know these are old questions But when you were making that thing going from injustice for all, you know, and then to that You know, were you sitting there going like a living in a vixx mistake here? Is this like You know because there was hundreds of shows in between that time right between we released justice And we got around to making the black album hundreds of shows All around the world 40 or something countries and doing our thing and really building the following

That was the big time to build the following because justice hit so successfully Yeah, and one by one and back beef that was before an inner tube or any of that stuff So we had one person at a time take the music to the people in the flesh The way it should be no screens in between us and them just the direct connection the real I know I hate that Yeah, you do that at sporting events and like take get rid of the class clown in your section because everybody's staring at the At the screen so I feel fortunate I feel really fortunate to have been a part of that thing as we were spearheading

You know and go into a lot of places that made in an AC DC it already been But they really paved the path or at least cut the jungle down for us to get to the next place You know what I'm saying? We really did that after them We got to give credit as things go chronologically, but they really did it, but what was your big like? Place that either you you Always wanted to play or all sudden one night you were there and you never even dreamed to play in there because it was so big Did you have any of those? I think early on man the Rose Bowl when we did Monsters of Rock in 1988 right with Van Halen headliners. It's okay Bill goes Van Halen

scorpions Dockin Metallica Kingdom come from from the top down So we're on we go on after Kingdom come at three o'clock in the afternoon It's 112 in the fucking shade You know and there's already 60,000 people inside the bowl and the thing as soon as we came on it flushed like a turlet man Everybody came down from the seats onto the floor and then lit took all the seats off the floor and threw them up at the They passed them over their heads in bunches we had to stop in the middle of whiplash and

Throw up all the chairs to get down There was a giant pile behind the stage like a pyre you know getting ready to burn this big pile of all those metal chairs But they would come up in sections of four and you'd see them fly over people's heads and people get knocked and try to catch him in that and then it's overwhelming all the guards in between the stage and the in the you know the guard there man So finally we're standing standing back and watching the crowd do this they get done They give us the green light again. We go right back out and whatever it was third verse of whiplash one two three What were we left off and and and so they had by that time cleared the space for them to do what they wanted to do So there was 60,000 whatever it would have been on the floor maybe 50,000 on the floor on the field as it were and

Pits were six or eight hundred people at a time five or six pits across the whole field just just madness It was being invented and pioneered you know and what what what kind of was it scary? Was it amazing like what do what are you thinking when you're standing there? You're worried like oh no our fans are destroying this is this going to affect future shows So you just sort of standing there like a bystander. How do you keep playing the song while you're watching that staying focused? Like is that chair coming at me? Right? There's a thing so you know how the term you head has to be on a swivel You know and there's with with police officers or football players hockey players wrestlers I mean anybody I mean anybody in life right? You're driving had got to be on a swivel

Well, it's like that to the oomph You know like you're you got because you the main thing about playing successfully in an ensemble is knowing what's coming next You know, you got to know there and then that's the verse and where you are and boom boom boom You do 30 songs over two and a half hours and they all got to be just like that and not miss a fucking note You know, you got to know what's coming. So that's all going on as your Demand or whatever your role and then you got all this other shit happening. Hey, there's some boobs. Hey, there's some blood Hey, there's some bones point sticking out So you really got to keep your mind in the game, dude. Yeah a lot while you're playing an odd time

So much of that album was at least it could have been in four four Sure. Yeah, man, and you got to get you got to really be paying attention there And there's only a few times really that we ever stop stop the show and usually that was when one of us was harmed That's unreal. Well, I got to tell you something about your that the the Metallica album is There's certain albums that ever since the 80s in the 90s when I was going to the gym Or if I was sitting down playing at a kit or whatever You could just hit play from the beginning and go all the way to the end and it would get you through your workout It'd get you through your drive. You didn't have to you know, make a playlist

Mm-hmm, and it was literally like AC DC back in black, you know appetite and your album it was just one of those things that was the perfect level of I Don't know what I don't know like I guess what fat I fascinates me You know when you said you wanted to do this and I started looking At the albums that were on that list and you start thinking like what is it about those things and I know that Musicians probably sit there and they look at those lists and think we need to obviously, you know Who doesn't want to write an album like that? Is there Is there a way to go for that or is it just magically happen you like oh shit, it's still selling ten years later

It's still on the charts and like Like many elements, you know, first of all, we're gonna give credit to Lars for being so into I mean absorbed engulfed in the whole thing and the sequencing of the record and a Sequencing of all the metallic albums as they've come out and the sequence sequencing has become more Developing better and better like the second song has to be that in the seventh song has to be that and so and so and that's why it's Appealing like you're talking about and listenable in that way because of his meticulous You know tension paid to that and it's still to this day

He is that guy and so that credit should be there first And going back to what was like did we know was happening when it was happening We had a lot of momentum built up and like we were mentioning before those hundreds of shows and stuff and building the fan base And just being so successful and kind of building building building on that We knew there was a lot at stake and sort of the powers that be and management and so forth and everybody threw a whole bunch of Money into it So we know that when that much money is invested that there's something a big chance of something really happening because people are gonna put All the puzzle pieces in place and set us up for success

If we're able to knock that shit down show by show and make people want to come back and wanting more then we do our part We knew that everybody else and their roles and all those roles that there are we you're very familiar with in your business So many different people from the guy that sells the record to the guy that helps us make the record the crew guys Everybody in between all those people doing their job to the right best of their ability to make it successful So all those elements got to kind of line up for that part of the set side of it to come up with the product And be ready to present the product then you have to have the thing about the demographic And like you're speaking of the albums that came like black back back in black was 1980, right? So you you were talking about records that came in 1991. There was appetite and in

A Soundgarden record in Nirvana and Metallica appetite was 87 Okay, so 87 and then the and the big year that came up was didn't Guns and roses do their other double record and Nirvana Soundgarden Yeah, at least in three months James had there they had that ritual In 1990 but for me, that's the all the ones that that's As far as that new Sort of cuz I didn't consider them like grunge or whatever like just that album is another one That I feel just like you just put it on you hit play and then like you know

What anytime I have like music is play such a huge part of my life anytime especially, you know I got a drive I got to get through or a flight I want to get through and I don't want to have to keep looking down. So there's those albums that you just Keep going back to but I'm almost condo almost part of your conditioning in a way You know what I mean, you know, you can rely on something in that way and you go back to it There's a lot of things you can't so that that kind of mentality. I think that yeah You go back to where you were what car you would yeah sure. Oh, dude, man You'd always like the what I call the memory money, you know, I don't want to say like there's certain bands of style

Now they're nostalgia acts they're called. Yeah, but there's certain bands if you're around long enough 30 years is the mark that I would usually call maybe it could be 25 They're able to play for generation after generation There's a few generations coming to see your your band, you know, so that's always a big secret Not a secret necessarily but some part of the success. That's a really important Key that people coming keep coming back to it But someone I touched on really important like you were saying there in in your business If you're with your efforts for family stuff with the other things you've done through time with your your comedy

Slugging it out five nights a week doing your shows like we do our shows Any one in show business or an author or something like that? You've got to find your audience. That's it That's the one number one thing then everything else can happen after that But you gotta how do you because how I ended up finding my audience Was not caring about getting an audience and just more just like doing what I wanted to do Yeah, and just being more like all right. This is what I Do you like it or you don't and I'm just gonna keep doing this until enough people like it that I can fill up whatever wherever the heck I'm going and

The hard part of my career Was early on when I was like, what do they want? What are you looking for? And I was almost like in the crowd looking at me and I'll this is the shirt you want to wear This is this is what the industry is buying right now And I always tell like younger comics about that going like, you know, it's sort of the short game And it's also the greatest way to get outside of what you have to say because you're not you anymore You're almost doing like like an acting job and I always want to put like guys like you The band that you were in like, you know, that stuff was you know, really

I mean it was it was you know, it was as much as they were talking about metal It was really hair metal, which was really just pop music. Yeah So much of that and what you guys did I mean, I'll be honest like what you guys did was too hard for me until the metallic and my brothers were into that Shit go come on man. You got to learn how to play double bass And I'm like, I like the bottom shit and they were mad at him get a double pedal and I wouldn't do it And I missed out on all of you guys. I didn't see all you guys until the 2000s But then that was the album then I worked my way back

You know through Metallica's like Catalog but I always wondered like you know Or I gotta say I'm envious of when you sit there you say, you know, you got to go out and get the crowd like as a comic It's it's a fun feeling to turn a crowd around and get them into you. But I I was always wondering You know what that was like as a band that is a group you're like a platoon like we're gonna take this hill And you get that that enjoyment like Uh afterwards like, you know, if I if I went a crowd over I could come off stage. It's it's like a

It's just me I don't get to go over to somebody else like, you know, I don't have that moment in the show where somebody else in the Band looks at me like fuck this We're getting these guys. I remember he was hearing a story one time of uh I think Simon Wright when he was playing for acdc at nights when You know, they were kind of tired. He said he would look up and Angus would just be looking at him Like, come on man. Let's do this and I was I got like I got literally like a rush of adrenaline He mentioned trying to keep up with the angus dude

I know Oh, jeez. You know, he used to have like it looked like a like he was standing in a shower like he would be playing It would just be no no doubt pouring off his uh his um His forums so what what exactly like what is the packaging? Is there a special packaging here for the 30th anniversary as far as like um What we're promoting here today Oh, well, yeah, they they did the black box thing and it had all kinds of I mean, there's so much archives

You know, we recorded everything and proper cameras and proper through all of time and photograph everything There's so much to dig from and once again new back to lars. He's so good at their archiving archiving of things That helps out a lot when they're digging for that. So there's a lot of cool things there Um, I did want to touch on what you're talking about there though. I think it's important The difference between being in an ensemble or being on your own, you know, it's like, uh, the best Athlete so jordan Who gets the ball when there's three seconds left the dude that can fucking shoot and has the highest percentage So, you know, if he misses is like he's hanging to said

If he if he hits it, he's the king of the world And so when you know, when you're by when you're by yourself and doing your own thing If the show don't go so great Then you're the one that has to take that brunt and if it goes great You take the glory and the shine and then it pats on the back when it's the team You know, the team takes the hit and the team takes the glory So it's if you share you share in the anguish and or the pride What's the biggest, uh

triumph You've had as a musician as far as like like that. You're uh, I mean, I don't act like, you know You know, every year you have like that show, we're like, oh man, that was the that was the one But what what are some of the ones that stand out During the different phases, you know echo brain metallica all of that stuff like what uh What are some of the ones that if you're sitting on your back porch, you just think of like man I was I was fucking good that night Or that or once again, you're that they have the individual one or the team one, you know

And I think I probably remember team ones more than I remember individual performances So the ones that have been glorified over time and sensationalized like the big russian shows and that stuff Unforgettable, of course quite well documented, but there's other ones that are personally huge For us as a unit Day on the green in oakland October 12 of 91 Okay, that was bill Graham's last proper show that he put on period That's a big goddamn deal in the bay area, man

You know he took he took a chance on metallica back in 82 34 or whatever that was, you know And then they came back home to headline that thing after we've been on the road for the black album a couple months We just started firing on all cylinders MTV came there with 19 freaking cameras and did their thing and recorded it nice and it sounded so killer on the tv And I remember playing a big olympic six string bass with it You know the string on the top big as brown as your fucking finger like big old telephone cable on that fucking right But tuned down for sad, but true. So it goes And just taking people's freaking fillings out man

You can see their sternums, you know, like come flying up onto the stage They're standing next to the base bins in the front right just getting destroyed And we we were we were hitting right then was such precision and the Momentum and like the what do you call it? We're levitating as in a way, you know, there was so Much success and every day there was another report on how how much radio was playing nothing else matters Or some of these things that we had never ever experienced as far as exposure for our kind of music, you know So there's what was that like how how excited did the um

The james and all like I with with all of those guys where they Excite like it just seems like a lot of times when I just watch stuff about that band It just seems like it's work work work work work work work. I was wondering if they ever Picked their head up and were like, hey, man Look what we did here. This is this is amazing I'm not uh, not a lot of time To look up and say look what you did or the accomplishment It took a while till after everything settled and you can look back at it

But as it's happening the days were very long and very demanding And so, you know that you just can't imagine like yeah, man You learn how to play bass you spent all that time learning how to play drums You took that time now you can go up and you remember stuff together and rock some shit Okay, now all of a sudden that where it used to fill up 97 of the demand Now that's about that much over here. You know, you still got to keep your chops together, right? But the other 45 percent is filled up with Videos and

Interviews and the things and the things and the things and all the things that you never you knew about some some of it But some there's no way to predict at all because once again It was kind of being invented in a certain way for this style and stuff. So we were taking the Once again, how did you keep you out your? You know Your wits about you because I can get pretty grumpy When when it gets to the point of like guys like I the number one thing I'm here for is to do a fucking show These people paid all of this money

And I need to I need to destroy tonight and if I'm going to be you know going here and then going there and then do a quick thing here and You know nowadays the big thing is you know, can you make a video? Can you make a video say it? You know now that you tweeted it your instagram did you did all of that shit? Can you then make a video on top of that just to like? It's like you're signing everything in triple kit except it's like like content um Like those are the days where you know, I you know

I don't know. I I really just go like what the fuck man. I'm It's almost better when no one knew who I was I could just sit in the The condo and stare at the wall and think about jokes That's true. I I feel that very much and in that time. I think we all probably did It was there was so much going on though And such a schedule and so many shows coming in at being added on each time some new country Put us on their radio that never would play heavy music before so all of a sudden their Government or whatever invites us to play see if it's an Islamic nation or something like that

And they wouldn't let white westernized music in there the white devils in and all of a sudden They know that they can make a whole bunch of money of us though They invite us anyway type of stuff things start happening like that, you know And nobody wants to be the link You know, nobody wants to be the weak one on the stage Everybody has their own way to keep you keep yourself up You're asking like how to keep your shit together because it's it's not just one person trying to keep your thing You got to remember your jokes remember your program and stuff. It's elbow to elbow plane train automobile

um a lot of a lot of Substances and a lot of crazy shit going on and all the other things that that make the stories You know, but a lot of the behind the scenes that don't make the stories Also, well, you really got to be patient with each other because you know what's at stake So an awful lot there to because it's really can't blow up the band Yeah, and you want and you want everything to keep going as it is because that's what I'm working so hard for Is the success attention the reason we do what we do bill is to show off, right? Come on now Right, so we'll avoid for me. Yeah. Well both both though. There's elements of both now. Come on man. Come on. Oh, no, that definitely is

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You know remember when you were back in school when you were a kid and you had your first base And you remember like not paying attention in class because all you were doing was thinking about going home and playing your base You know for me that was like drums or going out and playing sports or some shit and um There were a couple of times You know where out here I was gonna sit in with the band And then there was like rehearsal and everything and I was sudden like my drums became like work

Like ah, fuck I gotta go down there and we gotta do this three times and it starts to become that I was wanting during that touring Like it was there any sort of ritual you did with you and your base to keep The excitement it's like it's almost like when a comedian when you're sick of all your jokes And you go up there like oh like oh my god if I have to hear my fucking voice saying this stupid idea How are these people still laughing at this like to play? You know like you guys were playing, you know 300 friggin shows a year Like how did you keep the excitement of like still feeling like you know?

It was like magic having an instrument was magic when you were a kid Sure first plugging in and hearing that how do you stay connected with that? And it doesn't become like time to make the doughnuts Thinking about like what if I just moved into a win a bago and just kept all this tour money and I never I just smoked weed and I played bass in the back of my fucking win a bago. Wow. That's a good thought. Um there are definitely times that uh How many takes you did of inner sandmen during a week?

Because of the american music awards and the top of the pops and the thing the thing and then the regular shows too um, you know trying to stay on top of it. You still feel good and strong about Executing it at presenting to the people So it has a lot to do with the adrenaline flow where everything could get pretty numb Your leg could be broken and you're still going to go and play because the jam is on Once the intro tape once the intro tape comes on And that should do that. It's adrenaline dude. Everything is lit up. I I could I could you know What what two marathons would you like me to run right now?

You know, it's very much that I think so it kind of becomes a huge pain reliever and a numbing device And then there's always the favorite songs. There's still a few That come along every third song or whatever that are such a challenge to play No matter how many thousands of times you played them Right, just like you've got to be on your toes and it's a thing where Fuck man. I can do this. It's like an athlete very much like an athlete. So you're you're in the moment Yes, yes Yeah, not hard to not hard to rise to it not hard to rise to it. What are your uh,

What were some of your favorites the the ones that you were like? Oh, shit. This is coming next I love this one battery is always it Okay, so if even if we play fight fire And that but battery is still it because of the background vocal and because I matched every fucking thing that the guitars are playing on bass All of it yeah, the steve harris the steve harris the lustre with the pick with the pick thing You know instead and following james and all that kind of stuff, which yeah that that's uh The pride of the execution and being able not to miss anything on such a challenging number Is like a little shiny part of the crown, you know, nice

I actually you know, but I got back and I went on a a clive bur Yeah, you know high hats an adventure spun down just listening to him and like, uh Really just like I I'm kind of like I love iron maiden and I and I love both drummers And I love that the band sounds different You can hear the difference in both of them, which because they have like these strong personalities So I was listening to that and I for the first time I always knew steve harris was amazing But that was the first time I just was really listening and it was like Listening to all of those bass likes it was never playing off

For the most part what the guitar was doing. It was like, what are you doing? All right, I'm doing that too and I'm just gonna add and it's just added this this density you know, uh to what they were doing and and um I I don't know just something about you bringing up battery of having to do that I never thought about that like if you you're playing with your fingers you can Go faster and if you if you got like the pick And then you got those those telephone cables as you say that you got to keep up with that. So how did that like?

Uh, I don't know. How do you even like like the first time you're playing that live? You you got to be going like, okay Here it is stay relaxed You wouldn't be here if you couldn't do it Yeah, that's right, right only 80,000 people Yeah, it's only being filmed I get what you're saying try not to think too much about that. I guess but um, You know how you maybe want to have

The end of your show as strong as the beginning of your show certain jokes that you know are going to be at home run Yes, and you put in your so you finish as strong as you started That was always one of my inner mantras as it were To be as strong at the end for the last 10 minutes as I was for the first 10 And so pacing yourself through the songs and once again large the sequencing live helped with that Um, but battery was usually at the very end And so I had to save up that last bit like I leave every single bit on the stage Every single bit I got like you talk about angus with the flow of sweat

Yeah, I will I will put up a competitive Atten the ring or whatever like that if in that in that situation for the that particular thing for sure What do you think would be harder to to start with it or Because to start with it your ice cold Kind of yep, and you got to play at that speed There's a chance you would like tense up or is it harder, you know to play down How long you guys play a couple hours and then all of a sudden it's like all right now that we've done this full Workout in a half now you're gonna sprint

Mm-hmm, you know the last seven miles right and it always changed too You know a lot of time for the early years it would always start with creeping death a lot and those kind of things It was kind of a mid tempo wish uh bombastic deal Um, but then sometimes it would start with black and or something So you had to be right right from the get go right out of the gate Oh You know so there's I think starting mid tempo and by the second or third song you're kicking fast. That's cool You know but when lars put the when lars sorry

When lars put together those sets, are there scheduled breaks like hey, let's give her forums a break and play like Nothing else matters That's just gotta Slow it down here everybody, you know work the kinks out and then we'll start thrashing again Yeah, I think it was centered around uh, james's vocal thing and being able to give him a rest for certain songs and stuff So a bass solo Guitar solo these things where he could go and sit for a minute or I would take a vocal for four minutes song or five minutes song And then he'd be able to get that seven minutes of rest in his throat there and nine minutes rest in his throat there

So if he had three or four of those through the set he could make it through no problem But it was always based around the vocal and keeping that athleticism, you know keeping it fresh and stuff Yeah, and that's what I think too. Like I always hate when people will say, oh, you know, we can't hit those notes anymore It's like you you can't hit nobody can hit the notes anymore It's just like your voice naturally gets lower and this guy is singing live. I'm not saying people say that about james I'm just saying I'm talking about like singers like robert plant used to get shit for that Sure, and it's like he doesn't sound like he does in the album It's like dude the guy's doing like 200. He's doing the immigrants on 200 shows a year right

You know, it's like, you know cut the guy a little bit of uh A little bit of slack But um, yeah and the track that you're listening to from the immigrant song original recording. He was 22 or some shit You know what I mean? So maybe he had all that gold in there and then way before Whatever abuse and the other things that went down and I think You know the the charisma and the years and the thing and the age and the voice for Someone like Robert plant now is even more beautiful and attractive and appealing and cool to listen to

I also like that. He just aged naturally. Yes, dude. You know what I mean? He looks fucking great. Like that's a big thing with me. Like, you know, I'm vain. I try to keep myself in shape but Uh, you know in this business, you know, I think one of your big goals is to try to look like a human being when you come out the other side No doubt as opposed to uh Some of the shit that I've uh Yeah, some of the stuff that you see you're like, oh my god, they get like that cat face

You know what I mean? It's like you try to look like a lion like they get all this filler in here and they I don't even know. They almost they're creating like a new race the botox race. Oh my god. Holy Yeah, and so, you know, those uh of our pals you and me both that Really went for the accelerated lifestyle approach And now that there the calendar says the same thing for them, but the flesh don't You know, it's like, uh, oh boy

There's something, you know, there's something to be said You know as I'm old now I was just thinking about as far as just like picking your poison The only the only it's like I don't mind if someone's just going just doing their thing If they're happy, but it's when they're out of control. That's when it's hard to look at but some people who are just like Look, man, I like eating burgers and smoking cigarettes and What the fuck I like to do and have a couple glasses of wine is just like You know, if that makes you happy like

You know, you don't need to live those extra whatever years You know on a diet being fucking miserable like you would you take like 60 62 Fun years over 85 Being like, yeah Well, what's is there any salt on those brussel sprouts because my doctor said Yeah, there's a line right you want to look out for yourself, but you also want to live so it's uh Yeah, it's tough on especially when you're out doing what we do and getting around and everything, you know Yeah, it's a little bit. What I do is I just I try to I try to uh

I try to pick some new stupid skill to learn how to do and I just I focus on or something that I'll get into like, uh We know dean dean del Rey. He's really into these mid-century houses And I just he just kind of got me into architecture. So I'll just look at that Instead of uh going down to the hotel bar and be an idiot an idiot, but I do know That when I start when I'm overworked, that's when I start having these fantasies Of selling everything I own somehow I sell everything I own But I get to keep my house and everything in it in the it's a fantasy And I just sit on I'm sitting on the back porch

And I never really talked to anybody ever again like I start thinking Like I mean my friends I do but I just sort of just fade away and I used to think like Like oh am I losing or whatever? I kind of realized after a while. It's like, oh bill This is your brain saying it's tired. And why don't you take like take a week vacation And make yourself mis-telling jokes or something like that. So I mean, but we don't tour the way you guys do I mean, what's your record as far as like? Longest tour like then justice for all till you said was what two and a half years long Yeah, but but the black record was the longest one. It covered 91 through 93

So it was continuous So I think in that middle year there, I might have been home for 11 days or 13 days or something What do you do with mail? How does that work? Yeah, usually you just have well the the management In san francisco just gets everything they just get loaded their offices just get loaded with shit You know when we're gone when we're gone, you know, yeah when we're gone. So you spent three years on the road You're doing the last show of the tour. Oh

Is there any melancholy or is it like oh my god? I gotta get the fuck out of here. I can't do this again The depth of the exhaustion Is a place that You you know any kind of like proper reasoning skills. I just love how you said that the depth Of the exhaustion. I felt the weight of that Wow, you can be unable to reason, you know, like Should we go to to the Louvre and see the the painting that is, you know, the dada there

These things are Mona Lisa whatever the fuck like actually I'd like to get three hours of sleep since I haven't slept since tuesday And now it's friday. Um, I should probably Mona Lisa will still be there when we come back I got a good feeling overrated by the way. I know that's about this big Overrated and then and then there's 5 000 people standing in front of it with their stupid fucking phones And nobody's saying anything. That's the only thing I saw in the Louvre. I went right to it I'm like, yeah, I saw it and then I went right to a bar And just started getting shitfaced and I had way more way more fun doing that The first time that we went to see that in the 80s though

It wasn't like that and it wasn't behind all layers of plexiglass and you couldn't get within 15 feet and all that You could actually get up on it. So that was I mean, I'm glad I did that at that time But you understand what I'm saying and you've had to do that certainly too But there is that time where you get when you get to the end like that like we did. I think that was 4th of july Verkter belgium and we had just done one of the coolest shows question from a little bit ago Back then pink pop And the Verkter festival were already way steps ahead

In the thinking of diversity of the bill and the the different genres that were going to be there to entertain the crowd and the broader listening Practices of the people in the crowd they came to see all the way if it's good music. It's good music Right, right. So started out as Bob Mould sugar and it was Faith no more and Lenny Kravitz and when he was firing bro, you know, like really really good, man This oh, he still had those dreads and watching from the side of the stage and you know that old

Hendricks footage and bob marley footage where the dreadlocks are going. It's like that Like animated it becomes like an animated thing, but you're seeing it with your eyes like this that was fantastic And then neil young played before us Dude, what the fuck is that? Like as far as he should have went after as far as we're concerned, especially from the bay area and all that thing That's like you can't what the hell you've been thinking Like with that, you know, there's nobody well, you know that I don't think the crowd would have been right, right, right Right, but yes, and we had to play by that certainly because the record was hitting big

And it was a gigantic thing and the 55,000 people that are there or whatever. We're certainly a lot of them to seem talk but He kind of put out one of his best albums harvests moon right around them. Was that what he was playing? Yeah, I think that was and and uh in his in his backing band was booker t in the mgs Okay, so still went ducked on is still playing bass and I mean the the Baddest motherfuckers that there ever was laying the shit down live steve cropper You know what I mean who played drums on that. Do you remember who's in his band on his drummer? No, I don't but that's the it was this the mgs drum or whatever. I'm sorry. I don't know his name

But anyway, Al Jackson was the original guy. He he got murdered Yeah, it wasn't al jackson. No, no, and I remember steve jordan would sit in with them every once in a while Whoever it was. I know it was a killer drummer and they got to keep up with it But the the thing that always got me was that this particular Stage was a big one and I always you know, I got my workout in for sure every show And if I yeah, if they would have had the goddamn fit bit on me back then The other thing would have exploded So when you go from the edge of the pa over here on the riser to the edge of the pa and the riser over here

It's 150 feet. So a football field and then I mean How was it 150? Is that right 150 feet? Okay, that's fair enough 150 feet And so we would go, you know, I How many times can I go from end to end during the show and get all up on the thing and The habit trail and the steps and all the shit up on there by the drums are really So we had all that room to take up but neil and his boys when they came on before us They brought out their you know their hippie rugs and they set up and then a sit and about a

Shoot man 30 40 square foot space man about like this Whatever they could fit on the rugs is how much room they took up Right and the expanse of the stage going that way and the spans of the stage going that way open And they crushed us They killed us You know that I was like, oh, you know the thing about follow that follow that motherfucker type of thing That's that's all I could feel trying to follow that Because of the purity of it and like the good music factor

Neil the crowd no They responded to him like crazy. Oh, wow when he because he was playing electric So he brought that old that black less paul out that never can stay in tune and just fucking how he gets into that lean And that step it just goes like trancing out man, and they would just transit man for like seven or ten minutes It was untouchable. Yeah, we still came back with our bombs and all our shit, but I don't think it was as good as needed You know, but just the diversity of the flames we did what we had to do We had to do and the kids liked it, but I don't think it was as good as the guys before us

And you brought up Bill Graham and there was a What was what was that guy like? What was it like to me? The guy was a vietnam war vet. He just was like I remember there was there was footage. I can't find it. There was this footage. I think that it was a documentary about Him at the Fillmore in san francisco And I remember it was a farewell to the something or other and this one guy from one band wanted to play it And he didn't get put on the bill So he goes down to bill Graham and tries to get on the bill and when bill Graham's just like listen, man

It's just not rome and then the guy goes well, you know, man Well, you know, then I guess you know Fuck off and thanks for the memories man. And then bill Graham just fucking snaps Just snaps like what the fuck did you just say to him and you see the look on the guy's face like well I just ended my music career. Yes um, and I was just like Seeing the look of horror on that guy's face is he tried to still be a man But back down what he just said. Yes. I was like, wow this like like the level of power

Before the internet that promoters had Yes to make or break you what was when You're going to meet that guy Like and just the hands. I mean if I ever shook his hand, you know, we're still alive. I'd be like this hand shook Jimmy's hand This hand, you know shook Jim Morrison's hand this hand like all of those everybody this hand shook everybody's hand Sign the check sign the check for Hendricks type of thing. Yeah. Yeah. What was it like when when when you uh, We're intimidating intimidating. Yeah. Yeah, but but um, you're always really I remember being just on your best behavior

He would come and say hi before especially show we spoke of Can say boys, you know that kind of thing give us a smile and give us a thumbs up and that but a very serious individual When you are a pioneer and you're inventing it. They know fucker can tell you that you did it wrong You know, I did that first when you did it wrong. Oh really? Right that kind of thing. So if you already got that in your quiver as your first arrow type of thing What I'm saying so the and and there had been some I would could let the other guys explain it to you James had a real running with him in the early days And so his thing with Metallica when they finally rose and got somewhere

He was actually extra proud because of the trouble he had with them earlier So by the time that we got to somewhere it was intimidating to be with him But we were respectful of each other. He was do you remember? I mean are you free to talk about what the running was was it he was too loud for the band? You know going on after was it a From what I what I know is an early show I think it was like 85 and they were philmore-ish must have been philmore west and

San Francisco and something with a mic stand that james threw a mic stand in the crowd hurt somebody did something and then perhaps got You know when he called that Uh and subordinate or something with uh with bill about it So like it's already got the right word like the word you know Like dismissive for something with bill afterwards because he was really drunk He's a punk-ass kid full of himself and he's got his ride the lightning album out and everybody's kissing his butt at the moment And he doesn't know any better and he had 13 cursed lights by the time he got to talk to the man

After he threw the mic stand hit the kid in the head What loss what lawsuits gonna come from it and all the other shit that lines up in our business bill that's never ever stops All right the depositions and stuff dude. It's just like Craziness man through time for real. Is that wrong? Well, fortunately, I don't do any of that type of stuff in my show I just say well, eventually, you know, it'll it'll happen. Somebody will freak out about some stupid joke and I guess you'll have some sort of case or whatever, but um, there's anyway Wind it down here. I like you moved uh away from where you were at. I don't want to say where you're at, but like, uh

Because I you know living in LA, you know, when you were telling me you were kind of getting out of the hustle and the bustle, you know My kids are locked into the school systems here, but there's definitely days You know those days when I think about just sitting on the porch and not talking to anybody ever again Like there's days that I think uh, and and I think you know like man jason moved uh That kind of sounds like I'm just seeing those trees and shit. Yeah, it seems quiet I mean, I must be great for your creativity and the the music you're working on now Now that you are where you are

I'm trying to talk around this You look happy as hell and I'm happy for you. That's what I'm trying to say Thank you bill. I appreciate that and things are going quite well. We had a great jam today um nice and loud and free like we did, you know, no no plan just Fucking beautiful noise. So we did that for oh, I gotta tell people how I met you I was in the writers from efforts for family. I can't remember if you sent an email or something And you were like, yeah, hey, it's jason man. Are you play drums? I like your comedy We should get together and jam and I was just like

Yeah, man Yeah, and then like He's like, well, I'm gonna be down there next week and I was like, all right and you and where we were you picked Was it s i r or is I called it sir because I'm not a hello sir. I called it sir s i r rehearsals and I just show up and there you are I was like, oh my god. Hey, how are you and then you proceeded to just play original Riffs that you had

And that was it was such an eye-opening thing to me of how much I sucked on drums because I didn't realize That all of these times when I would be jamming on songs They were songs that everybody knew and the drummer came up with the track already. So I had the answers to the test Yes, all of a sudden you started playing. I was just like, uh boom crack boom crack boom I thought it was awesome. I really did. Oh, I did too. I mean I was uh I couldn't uh, I remember trying to tell You know, my brothers who wanted to get me the double pedal I was like, you're not gonna believe this who I jammed with today. They're like, oh, what the fuck

I like that. I like that very much I'll tell you know what what is funny about your guys music is the the the fucking Level like with thrash music and shit how much Like if people are into it like they are just like I will die for this music and I remember when I was playing um I had a gig in Boston And it was it was a big fucking place. So I rented some drums and my brothers came into town and we all got down and we started jamming And you know, the security was listening like whatever whatever whatever and then we played a slayer song

I think I forget what one we played a slayer song and the second we played at this this fucking security guard way up like two levels up Just goes slayer and like freaked out Then we played a few more nobody gave a shit And then we did a metallica song And then another guy yelled out the name of this song And then all of a sudden like the whole security like they just were looking at us like we were a bunch of dorks But after we played a slayer and a metallica, they were like, oh, it's good man. That's not good. You're all right All right, I want them over you want them over with the right selections

Well, you know, I think it's I think they're because of I think when all of those bands hit and what you guys went through And how it wasn't underground thing and there was so many people saying to people that were listening to it like you're listening to this Shit. What is this the felt that the fact that then the metallica album came at the end. They were all vindicated Like I told you this was a great band So, um, it's been a ridiculous honor to have you On this podcast talking about one of the great, uh, rock what greatest rock albums of all time I can't believe it's been 30 years Uh, are there any more of those black box things left or did fans just gobble them up?

Yeah, they sold out in the first. I don't know how many hours or whatever, but I don't know if they're gonna print more what's gonna happen with it, but uh Yeah, it's I It's nutty. It really is nutty. Let me tell you just a couple things that blew blew me away with It's resurgence as it were when it first came out in Germany and her sandman went as high as number two I never got higher And then three weeks ago or whatever when it came back on the radio went to number one

30 years later So this kind of I mean what the easy That's pretty hard to get a hold of but I want to tell you that I had a couple of names for the band and I told you our band Our band our our power duo Oh, um, and uh, yeah, look out black keys. It's yeah, exactly So the beginning when we when we first played I don't know if you remember or not I I was calling it, uh, jayberts, right j-b-u-r-r-d-s jayberts, right? But then yeah, but since that time I've thought a little bit more about it

And so I've taken for your four letters. I take four letters from my name. So bursted, right? Appendix bursted appendix. That's the name of our band Because appendix doesn't just mean Listening to me play drums is as fun as a bursted appendix, which I had I had an alone. I was a kid That's going to be the tagline on the t-shirt This this music as is as fun as dot-dot-dot on the back. Yes And it'll have a picture on your drums I am I think I have uh a gig or something in 2022 if you're not on the road, uh in your area

So, uh, I would love to hang I feel like I haven't seen I feel like I haven't seen anybody in forever. So Um, I'm hoping that's gonna work out But if it doesn't I know that you're on the road doing what you love to do. So either way, it's gonna be awesome So thank you so much for coming on and talking about, you know, one of the great albums Greatest albums of all time and uh, I hope to see you soon. All right Yeah, thanks, bill We're gonna come and see you in west palm and then we'll probably see up in new york later, too Oh nice. Good deal. Good deal. All right. The great jason newstead. Thank you, brother

Metallica 30 years 30 years anniversary Get your copy to keep it on the charts and have a great weekend. You're cunts and I'll talk to you on monday We got the uh the bet mgm Picks of the week for you football fans coming up next What's up, everybody? We are back for another nfl edition of the mg bet mgm Which as you know by now guys, we've teamed up with bet mgm this season We'll be using bet mgm lines the best lines to make all of our picks And we'll have special offers for our listeners each week if you haven't signed up

Uh for bet mgm yet Use bonus code burr. That's b u r r and you'll get $200 free after placing your first $10 bet Here's how it works. Very simple. You download the bet mgm app You sign up using bonus code burr. That's b u r r place your first $10 money line bet at any nfl game Okay, any nfl game you receive $200 in free bets immediately after placing Your bet regardless of the outcome. So basically bet mgm is saying sign up and get the app and here's 200 bucks go have fun Okay, just make sure you use bonus code burr

b u r r to sign up now, but I have to start off by saying congratulating Uh my my partner here mr burr For doing the unimaginable for that. We have our first unimaginable You know, we've had our first unforgettable Unfortunately, I was on the wrong side of that and now You're on the wrong side of history paul. We now we have our first

Unimaginable bill going for uh forano, but I gotta give I gotta give bill more credit Not only did the kid go forano and come roaring back Like the two-time jimmy the greek champion that he is Taking the lead now by two games. I believe we're two and a half with the tie But then the kid calls a fumble From chicago to the stealers and i'm in my car driving home from a gig and i'm listening and i'm going man I know we got two out of the three things stealers still need to win And we got three out of the four and then all of a sudden I hear

Oh, we fumbled it It is picked up and pittsburgh has it and I was like fucking ray leota in the shower In good fellas, son of a bitch is I was so happy so bill big we picked two monday night specials in a row What are the podcasts do we're literally paul putting money? Yes in their pocket And i'll tell you this I was at hey, you went with me this week I went forno on my picks and I wanted that pass game. That was five and all which you picked And two monday night specials

Yeah, we're now what you gotta do You gotta lay off me Because how long can this streak last? It really is a game of runs, but I gotta tell you something bill touching on what you just said I was at skankfest in houston, which by the way, man What they created what what they created is so incredible, but people were coming up to me in the streets Literally coming up to me in the streets going dude You guys doing that you guys doing that betmgm thing is like brought me and my dad together again

We haven't even one guy was like, yeah, dude. We just sit down and we literally go with what you guys pick and like the last two monday night specials, so You know, maybe that's hilarious me and my dad haven't spoken in years. We'll brought you back together gambling Hey paul, you know, whatever works, you know, I think maybe we're on some cutting-edge level of therapy You know, some people are taking, you know low dosages of mushrooms and uh, you know, uh, molly Whatever the kids call it And you know, who knew you could say stone sober and just be a degenerate gambler Who know all of a sudden you're like dad

I Won money on the chiefs. I remember my first chief game. He took me there So the standings as they are people were asked last week, uh, just double check the tally reviewed every pick It's 18 paul's 18 and 18 bill was 2015 and one Look at that. Look at us both of us at 500 or above Against the spread. We're not doing that bullshit money line that all those other sports team We're we're doing the real thing paul. We're getting a hands dirty Yes, that's true messing with our kids futures here paul

Yep, because a lot of those nfl analysts on tv the professionals they go money line No, we're not who you think you're gonna win the fucking bills are the jets bills at home. I mean, come on What are we doing here paul? Yeah, let's get some fucking let's be people want the real world paul They want the independent candidate that dresses like them Think about this. Yeah, think about this for a second. This doesn't happen. That's some hairplug con There's they're picking the money line paul. They want a couple of bald bastards picking against the spread And winning and fucking winning Fucking winning. What's the worst you got right now?

You even The worst I've been is evil all of these guys fucking flapping their arms around going i'm picking you winners Well, we're in november We're already in the holiday season hollywood. How fucking halloween halloween's in the fucking rearview mirror We got thanksgiving coming up. We are combined 38 and what No, so we both picked 38 like 33 or something like that. Well, I need you to step it up. What's what's 36 times two 72

So we've we've we've picked 72 games and we are above We are 500 or above dude and actually minus four because we went head to head So minus four so 68 games and we're above So dude, we are so guys rise well, you know, it's not the paul I actually earlier this year when you fucking won't give me your the reason why jacksonville was gonna lose I got into an emotional place and I took jacksonville. So I lost that so you're one and four You're one and four head to head against me. Okay. Okay. Well

All i'm saying is our listeners you need to ride this anything better money train Okay, you need to ride this fucking money train all the way Paul, let's head you out bets now We've been doing so well. Who knows maybe maybe they bet the fucking don't pass bar. Whatever the pass bar those cons who Are you gonna bet against the shooter or you're coming along for the ride? Who would have thought who would have thought that two comedians Doing a podcast where we fuck around with sports People, who am I? Who am I? Who are we?

Who are we? Who are we? We are at the top of the sports gambling world in the nfl. Take that espn. We're coming for you Take that everybody you moneyline fucking pussies. Yeah. Oh, yeah The chiefs might squeeze this one out. Yeah, I got a good feeling about the fucking get the fuck out of you Bet against the moneyline. I shut your fucking hand to send little suit wearing ass up All right, that brings us to week number nine And uh, it is a giant eight by the way is an odd number which means

The birthday boy goes first Okay, I gotta tell you paul this this fucking week feels like 2 a.m. At a bar One of my going home with Who do you like paul? Uh, hold on. I gotta get these lines here. He texted him all right, so Actually, I know what I know the first game I'm gonna pick as I look for this because I liked it all week. I liked it all week I'm gonna go out. I'm gonna say right here and I'm sorry. Kansas City fans. Okay. I'm sorry

It's over The Kansas City Chiefs There is either this is what happened Either someone with the cover too with the safeties did something Somebody's hurt something is off Something is off. We've seen it enough Okay, my new york giants had a lot of people out and almost pulled that off They did not look good. They did not beat the packers by enough without erin rogers

I am taking the los vegas raiders by the way It is my homecoming theory the raiders lost to my giants Now they are coming home and they are two and a half point dogs at home. See paul that you fucked yourself on that theory Why You just said that coming home. You didn't say they're a good team coming home None of the raiders the raiders. I know but you you said I said a good team coming home And then when that guy fucking debunked your theory, well, they are still you had a meltdown paul There are a few games over five and another there are a few games over 500

I don't believe in the chiefs. I think the raiders come home to vegas and beat the chiefs Uh and getting two and a half. That's my first. I just want to clarify your homecoming It's not just a homecoming. You say a good team Coming off a road loss. That's right. That's right. Look at me looking out for you paul. That's right. You know what you are looking at before my All right, um Inexplicably the fucking jacksonville jaguars won a game last week against the bills Does this mean they go on a run paul? Or does this mean that this is just their fucking highlight of the year?

I say it's their highlight of the year The cults are at home this gore and points like fucking uh, like like fucking uh, uh dominique wilson Wilkins back in the fucking day how to have an obscure reference there I want to take the cults given 10 and a half against the fucking jaguars You know I think that uh, my pretty pony quarterback. I think he's not going to do too well there

They can be brushing his hair by the fucking second quarter. Am I jealous of his hair? Yes. I am I've taken the cults and carcin wence Mine is 10 and a half at home It's a good dude. I love that you're taking point. You don't I mean bill's just taking going after points this year. I love it Bill bill is fucking swinging in the dark. He has no idea. I hate this week paul Yeah, uh, I hate this week like I hate a third show on saturday. Go ahead You know, I don't know There's a couple of tough ones here, dude. There's a lot of points this week

I feel like this is like a turning point in the season for teams I mean look at this minus 10 minus seven and a half minus eight and a half minus Yeah, they're still staying with those big fucking spreads. I was surprised. There's a lot of good the bills I couldn't believe the bills are like, you know, I know they lost to the jaguars, but it's like fucking what are they 13 15 That's just a lot of points in the division rivalry. Yeah jets are getting 13 against the bills Is it in buffalo? Uh, no, it's in new york or jersey All right in a giant fan take the jets paul

This is a tough game. I don't know why I'm gonna take it. I'm gonna take it because the line is low But I'm gonna ride the train. I'm gonna take the patriots at home against the browns You motherfucker, you can't do that to me two weeks in a row. You fucking asshole. Oh you want You fucking asshole, what the fuck do you get off? I don't pick the fucking giant you cunt I knew I should have picked them first Oh In november go fuck yourself You motherfucker two fucking weeks in a row. You call yourself a friend

I didn't know you lot you cared about you call yourself a friend two weeks in a row. You take my pets Come on What do you mean come on paul versi swinging in the dark desperate for a victory jumps on the bill bella check mac jones train You fucking I had the first cherry picker That's not a bit. That's not there's a reason you're wearing yellow this week Fucking giants. No giants. I picked the raiders first. You had a chance you picked the cults You could have taken it. I thought you were a gentleman. You wouldn't do it two weeks in a row. I guess I was wrong Oh, so now I can't pick your team. I mean, I don't care if you picked the giants

Why would you they stink? You fucking asshole Minus two at home against the browns who have fallen apart Jesus paul walk up to the buffet table and fill up your plate. Why don't you It's a great pain you fucking dirty bastard Well, I gotta pick the patriots first every week now paul's on the pats train I picked this the second time I ever taken them the whole year Paul it's it's becoming a habit with you. This is the only second time I was taking them once

It took them twice. No now this is you know, you need a victory. That's what it is paul's desperate. That's a desperate move Oh paul you win some you lose some oh 500 You fucking bastard. All right I knew you were gonna do that All right, I'm taking seattle on the road versus green bay Russell wilson's coming back Sneaky Pete's gonna go in there. I just feel like they're they're more organized um

You know, Aaron rogers is coming back I like I always like him at home. But there's just something about I don't know earlier this year He was unhappy with how the whole franchise was running And I thought he was making a great point that like a mom and pop Organization, I don't even know who makes the decisions over there. This isn't against Aaron rogers But uh, I do think the added distraction of his, uh You know what covid bullshit I just I just I like seattle

Plus three and a half getting three and a half points. I love Russell wilson dk mac cap And sneaky Pete. I think he's a great coach and he's a better coach than whatever the fuck green bay has Should I take that head to head Paul, I don't give a fuck what you do after you took my pats twice in a row. What a fucking god damn it Um sneaky bastard You goddamn sneak I'm gonna take the apartment, Paul. I'm gonna take the tennessee titans minus three at home Against the new orland saints now. I got now. I got to go look for another fucking game

That don't even one on a on a difficult week Do you know what it's like paul? I'm watching the pats and I'm also thinking paul's getting a victory here Why would you do that to me? Bill you could have picked them first you picked a cult paul paul. That's paul. You could have not picked them two weeks in a row Oh my so I should so so you could you should have been a gentleman Oh, we're doing a fall. You know what you're doing paul Paul there's unwritten rules. There's unwritten rules in this shit. I gotta want now i'm watching my team Rooting for them and brooding for a fucking guy that's gonna get a victory in our head to head

I see I don't obviously you take it more. I have to break that down for you No, I get what you're saying, but like that's not come over your house You got to spread out and I double dip right in front of your wife and kids. That's okay The family in a world you live in it You double dip and paul you double dipping you're sticking your chip in after you had it in your mouth Two weeks in a fucking row in the guacamole too the favorite dip of everybody The patriots in november There's a reason you're wearing yellow this week. That's all that that's a cowardly fucking paul's flailing. All right. I'm gonna take kyla murray coming back

They're at home. They're playing the hapless carolina panthers who are trying to erase They're trying to erase the whole history of former patriot quarterback quarterback An op-ed star for some reason I can't remember his fucking name right now. Why can't I remember his fucking name? Who's your guy paul?

who cam newton Yeah, cam newton. I was thinking dax shepherd. I might I'm too fucking old here cam newton that they're racing the guy's memory It's just bad fucking karma really killed my point that I couldn't remember his name though cam newton, I mean come on. Isn't dax shepherd like a celebrity like an actor or something? I thought that was the quarterback of the cowboys. He's a comedian. No dax shepherd is like married to christin bell. He's a fucking actor. You're thinking of dak prescott Okay

I mean whatever paul i'm not picking the fucking giants and ruining your thanksgiving You could pick I'll take I'll take the canal paul. Yeah, we're a defended paul Defending you know coming to another man's stadium and take his fucking team So he like there's a part of me that can't enjoy that they're gonna win Because you're getting a win. That's what you're doing to me paul I didn't know that these were the rules. Oh, you're walking into my house with muddy shoes on right on the carpet It's no no no you if you love your team go with them first You had the first pick and you picked the colts

Because I thought you weren't gonna do that to me two weeks in a row and I thought you'd love the colts I wouldn't I'm not doing it. I'm like I'm looking at the games. I like some bag. No Some bag fucking move. No, it's not. It would have been a scum. It is paul. It is not a scum I have to watch my team win and know that you're getting a victory Why would you do that to me? Well, it's a holiday month do that to me in september First of all, thanks giving my favorite holiday and you're eating off my plate two weeks in a fucking row Thanksgiving's overrated Thanksgiving's over why paul?

Why is it overrated because you just sit you get fucking fat you sit down you fall asleep christmas is about spirit About the children being happy getting given. Oh, is it give your wife spirit for christmas and see how she fucking likes that It's not what it's about. It's about going out and buying some big stupid fucking bag You didn't want to buy just to shut them up until valentine's day. That's what it's about You know what I love about fucking Thanksgiving paul? You're not required to do anything You put on a sweater you watch the lions lose You know you look at the hapless fucking cowboys and you tune out your relatives Yeah, you eat delicious food paul. You love to eat. There's always a

Because it's not built around pasta. Yeah fucking Yeah, some rap and a fucking great belief There's always that relative at Thanksgiving that you got to worry about what they're gonna say in front of people man Fuck that's on you paul. That's on you. You're the bouncer your own house Considering you don't mind barging into mine and picking my patreon. It's two fucking weeks in a row You fucking turncoat son of a bitch Paul what I've always liked about you is you had class Oh, stop it man. As much as you dress like a third grader waiting for a bus on the first day of school

I swear to god you want to laugh I put this on today and as I put this on I remembered my yellow sweat pants when I was in grade school So you look like a school bus. Yeah All right, what am I doing here? So I I'm trying to fucking kill time here so I can pull another pick out of my ass here No, I think you did No, I well, I got I just had it now. What's your pick? But now I gotta I gotta go on and try and find something here paul All right, so this would be my last you gotta understand I look at these picks for a good 30 seconds the amount of work that's put into this I'll go ahead to I'll go ahead to head with you take the

Take the packers I'm gonna take the packers minus three and a half rogers coming back I'll look at you now acting like you're a hero. What do you mean? Now I like that pick exactly kids coming back with a bad finger gets hit in the finger, you know Right there paul everybody heard how much thought is behind our picks Yeah, kid comes back with a bad finger. He gets hit in the finger That's the kind of analysis you get here The anything better podcast. All right, I got the fucking lines in front of me here paul

I'm trying to pick because once again paul versey walks into my house doesn't even say hello Sits down in my chair and starts fucking eating before anybody else sits at the table Good lord Oh, the bills are only 13 Am I gonna take the fucking jets? What am I an asshole? You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take the fucking buccaneers Lay in nine and a half Against the team from washington How funny is it that they just can't come up with a fucking name?

They're really just saying They're really making a statement paul. Andrew you got our picks, right? We got four each All right, everybody Well, you know paul I want extra credit that last week. I went for no despite the fact you took my patriots We're not gonna no no we can't I fucking just gave you all the credit in the world for going for no your fumble thing And and I thanked you and I wished you a happy birthday and then what did you do paul? You didn't even knock

You put your air Jordans right on my french door. You kicked Kicked the fucking door open. I love that that patriots pick was my fucking warm blanket for the week going Okay, as much as I hate this week. I know I'll get one I'll get one I might do the Un unforgivable paul dude. You you were that confident in that dude the brown's just won I was like hesitant about that pick You you love you look you got a guarantee on that pick whenever you're full of shit. You start squinting your eyes No, I was looking

All right. Yeah, I'm squinting my eyes because I'm fucking losing my sight. I'm getting old here and I got to do this offer Um, anyway Monday night special Oh monday night special Guys, that's a monday night paul. You know what? I'm gonna let the bad blood between us die here Because now I have to team up with you. I'm gonna go old school politician here and reach across the aisle to my nemesis Came in and peed on my rug this week I

Dora they can't even laugh Guys, you know, it's gonna happen paul. You're gonna lay off the pats next week and I'm gonna pick them. They're gonna lose um Guys we hit the monday night special for you not once in a row But two times in a row and I know you can't I know once and not on the money line either paul Not on the money line And we we've picked seven straight things in a row that we're gonna happen And we picked my homes to throw an interception

and One team getting a fumble and then the other team getting it and we hit them both Okay, we're making people money as we are patting ourselves on the back All right, let's let's do let's do our monday night special as the great club soda. Kenny would say we're making money moves All right, so the monday night game this this week is the Los angeles rams versus the san francisco 49ers. Is that right? Correct betmgm has the niners getting four the best lines betmgm lines have have the niners getting four in san francisco Is that right correct?

Oh bill what monday night special are we gonna do? Here's one I like Well, here's something you should know All right The san francisco 49ers have not won at home in like I think that was their 13th game going back to last year How many times? Can you lose at home? I know they got a bunch of guys out. I went to the game last week colt mccoy came in there and had his way with them The rams are coming off the loss andrew is that right?

The rams are coming off a loss, dude But how about this by the way, dude, you you crushed that uh cardinals game I think one thing we need to do is a special teams bet on this one I say one missed kick. Can we do one miss kick? Whether it's a pat or a field goal either team? Yeah, miss kicking sure. That's that's not that's not crazy We're getting a little cocky. All right. I thought you're gonna go miss miss extra point I was like Jesus paul. No, no any kick any miss kick all going for the half court dagger during the third quarter I'll make sure that it can be for any team, but if you want to pick a team just in case they can't produce lines on any

Team missing um Do we even know who their field goal kickers are paul? Yeah, I said stop this before. No, I know the san franc kid. I mean listen, they're all Find and you find out if you know what I'd like to you know, I went to a rams Tampa Bay game this year And that defense at least in september looked pretty impressive to me and I saw the 49ers last week And uh, you know, I'm gonna be I'll be honest with you

You know the Cardinals defense forced a couple of turnovers that was huge That really could have turned the game or swung the game back around the other way Um, I'm trying to think I don't know the ramp. I need of matt gay And i'm pretty sure rubby ghoul doesn't hurt or anything. So i'm double checking that Yeah, yeah, it's it's it's ghoul. It's ghoul Matt gay is a good kicker though. Think about the rams is I just don't like how they got rid of their quarterback I just don't like that coach didn't go face to face with them if that's a true story. There's something about that paul It's like your buddy taking your own team fucking two weeks in a row just rubbed you the wrong way

you want to Paul i'm mad at myself That's what it really is that I left it on the table for you to fucking scoop up Like a fumble and run it into the end zone I would yeah, I mean look I I would I didn't do it first and you didn't do it. So then I was like I got to do it What can you I didn't do it first it's got to be the worst fucking excuse I've ever heard in my life I'm not the first guy that shot someone in the head, you know

I mean people get murdered every day Um, what we were thinking money line rams Niners Who you got I mean, I mean it's a tough game to pick on a money line. Let's just take the ramps I think the 49ers the wheels are off and they suck uh Let's let's do I don't think they suck

I just think that they're right now is a good time to bet against them statistically garoppolo is like the worst Quarterback starting quarterback in the league right now So isn't he greek? Nice Italian Italian Paul you're gonna sit there and take that I mean half you should be pretty fucking upset right now Do you want to do what do you want to do? Do you want to do like cooper cup getting six catches?

Jimmy the gent Cooper cup over a hundred over a hundred yards reception. Oh, yeah What does that fucking pay like you gotta bet four in it all is to make 20 How about how about cooper cup six receptions or more? I like that Rams money line Cooper cup miss field goal. Let's stop there Yeah, we're gonna do three this way. Wait, who's doing a miss who's missing a kick

I think we just say miss a missed field goal between either team So cooper cup gets six catches that brings odds up a little bit That's a lot. That's a lot Cooper cup gets six catches the rams went on a money line and there will be a miss field goal in the game That's fine. Yeah, you know what that is paul that last one. That's that one of those intangibles Yeah Yeah, I still think the best as you said that fucking my home's just gonna throw a pick I mean who says that paul?

I think you guys got a kind of guy that walks into your house. All right I'm letting it go You guys got a lot of shit for the main home's thing because he was averaging like one interception in game And so they were saying that's really not that crazy. Maybe last year it would have been I'm just letting you know Yeah, you know, don't people always do that? Isn't there always some con saying something like, you know what I binge watched on the plane? I watched wall street

wahl And it was about mark wallberg who was already a multi-millionaire as an actor, right? But instead he's trying to expand his world and you watch this guy, you know get all of his different businesses And dealing with the pandemic. I loved it Right. I go on the internet seeing how the reviews were And you know, I'm and the reviews in general were good, but there's always a couple people What really do I really need to sit and watch this fuck? I go, I get it. I get it. He's a movie star. He works out. He looks great There wasn't one moment in there where the guy's being an asshole. It's like, how could you fucking not like this?

Yeah That's my pick of the week to get inspired Like this this is there a war on self-made men all of a sudden here in this country Yes, we the guy that guy grew up in a huge family. He had a dream. He went after it. He made it happen I mean just the storyline alone. He meets this woman who has her own grocery store in Portland He just likes her. He likes the way she's doing her business He's got a good heart like i'm telling you that is like right in the crosshairs Of cunts on the internet that they're not gonna like it

Your heart's in the wrong place if you don't enjoy it. I really liked it and I got inspired I'm gonna expand my business paul Yeah, let's actually I want to let's talk about my business to yellow hoodies For the person in your life who you know would would push comes to shove would pick your team That way you never forget you dress them all in yellow Here he comes You know, he's taking the last devil deck. You're gonna be you're gonna be on this until next week. Oh my god No, I'm not that's my pick of the week though. Watch uh

I'll pinch it's six episodes wall street It's really fascinating because it right just the pandemic hits And he's trying to start all of these businesses It's kind of stressful All right, uh, so that parlay won't work because you can't do odds against nobody getting a field goal So real quick if you guys and cooper cups, uh, usually averages seven and a half catches So if you want to make it like above 10 because it's just not going to pay out It's below that so it'll be negative money. So it's got to be like

On all right. All right. So all right. So for the monday night special, we'll do Ram's money line. You want to do cooper? Can we do cooper cup? Like you said a hundred yards receiving? Yeah, that's he he averages right around there. So you'd want to do like over You know Over a hundred he's not gonna have he's not gonna have 10 catches cooper cup is not gonna have 10 catches Well, we have 140 yards. No, he's averaging seven and a half So 49ers defense paul is decimated Does the 49ers defense double up on cooper cup because he's the best fucking receiver on football probably

I don't think he's gonna get a 10 10 catches Um, you want to how about this you want to do matt stafford throws three touchdowns? It's fun. That's a lot. All right I don't like this all of a sudden now. We got a fucking edge. We're such idiots who like Who who fucking averages seven catches? He's gonna get six someone's gonna miss a field goal. We were way off Can't bet on any of that. Um, all right, we got the rams and the money line. Yep Um

Fuck that. I don't give a shit if they do double cover. I think he gets nine catches. I do nine nine he gets nine catches And uh, jimmy g throws a pick That's probably low odds All right, let's do it. I mean nine catches is a lot but all right Hey paul, I'll bet you a stick he gets nine side bet He's averages seven and a half. You want to do eight just to make we were trying to make people money

Well, that's why you want to do like matt. Yeah, you want to go a little higher paul Dude that defense fucking stinks. All right nine catches. All right nine catches jimmy g throws a pick So you can feel better about paul. I'll take that action if you want to come at me come at me paul I'm sitting right here. What are you gonna do? I mean now that means I'm betting against the people but I don't think he's gonna have nine catches We'll talk We'll talk I'll I'll go with the fucking holiday season here paul Yeah, I don't want to be the guy that walks up to the craps table and bets on everybody to crap out

So I'll go with it nine catches Uh ram's money line and jimmy g throws a pick. You got me betting on it. All right, and if he doesn't get nine catches I'll get you a fucking cigar and I'll sing. I'm sorry by by fucking peggy lead all the fucking listeners if it doesn't come in I know why you want me to make an italian throw a pick because you're still mad at me about the new england thing Is that what that's about You want me to have an italian throw a pick it's it's a subconscious thing So wait a minute. So it's okay for you to be emotional about that, but I can't protect my own team You we both can be emotional. It's totally fine

So what do you what wait? So what do you want? You want jimmy g throws a pick or no? Yeah, because your gut said that and I like it. I think that'll happen I see the pain. I'm bringing to your face paul. I don't want to do that He's a good looking italian kid. I like the kid what he's gonna do But you know what everybody has a bad throw every once in a while And he's going against a good defense and he might be desperate because they might be down points So he may have to force a little ball in there all of a sudden It's tipped at the line of scrimmage and the rams get a pick maybe late in the game. I like it

Which gives cooper cup another chance to go out and get a couple more catches and everybody fucking wins I like it. There you go. All right. We got it Let the monday in that space show it if we get three in a row mgm better send something They're gonna have to shut us down All right guys. So those are our week nine picks Hope you enjoy it. Also join us for the monday night special bill. Give him the song again I always think about you doing that. Oh, yeah, let the monday night special

Put some money in your pocket because we Get a row better money train right to the fucking bank guys with Obviously bet mgm as you guys know as we've been talking about we've teamed up with bet mgm this season We're using their lines the best lines the bet mgm lines to make all of our picks and We'll have special offers for our listeners each week If you haven't signed up for bet mgm yet, just go to bet mgm app Okay, use the bonus code burr. That's b u r r. You'll get 200 dollars free After placing your first ten dollar bet. Here's how it works. You download the bet mgm app

You sign up using a bonus code burr. Couldn't be easier Then you're in then you place your first bet ten dollar money line bet on any nfl game You'll receive 200 dollars and free bets immediately after placing your bet Regardless of the outcome. That's incredible. Just make sure you regardless freddy soto rest in peace Rest in peace rest of soul. Just make sure you use bonus code burr b u r r when you sign up with bet mgm And I am i'm a little under the weather. I'm using my bet mgm thermos here It's been amazing. We're in front of the camera paul You have to be 21 years of age or older to wager in arizona colorado dc

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Hey, what's going on? It's bill burr and it's the monday morning podcast for monday november 11th 2013 How's it going doad? You know guess who got his uh, boston redsox championship hat the other day this guy This guy right here. Oh, I was there from october 7th on I'll tell you the mental anguish that I went through as a fan over those 23 days Whatever the fuck it took them to win it, but um

I gotta tell you I I actually don't like the hat It's it just makes me feel old when I look at it It just used to just be the b and then it'd be like oh 2013 champions. That's all you needed Now they got they got the fucking trophy spinning out to the right the bees over here. That's a fucking mess You know I don't know I just look I like I you know what I look like when I put it on I look like, uh I'm trying to start a wrapping career Can I have the middle aged white guy

Our team won a championship and I kind of sucked in gym class But god damn it. I had heart White dude hat can they make one of those? I don't fucking know Oh, I don't know anyways. I'm um You know not shitting on that, you know Thought that style of a hat. I'm just saying it just looks dumb on my head

You know I'm white Of course I observe sports I Why would you pick me? I am right where I'm supposed to be in the stadium. I'm sitting in the stands How about having a little consideration? for a

rapidly aging Baldig slow red-headed white dude And give me a nice boring hat What am I fucking ashton? Could you? Is That an old reference me that fuckers in his 30 by now I don't know what happened the last 10 years But I've noticed it in my act when I go to make references. I think I brought this up before I was doing a college gig

So I'm up there. I'm trying to be hip I'm trying to be down I don't know what I was doing and I made a reference. I needed a reference for You know a young pop Skanky kind of chick and I I threw up britney spears and dude. I'm telling you absolute fucking crickets I got nothing on it And then I just did the math quickly in my head. I'm like, wait a minute britney spears is like a 32 33 year old divorced mother of two at this point

She's not that 18 17 18 year old girl coming up Whatever the fuck she's saying in her little fucking outfit, you know total entrapment Hey, once she's of age, can you still go back and jerk off to that video or is that still looking at kiddie porn? Look, I know in the video she's 17, but right now she's 26. So even if you split the difference, she's like 23, right? um Anyway, so then I had to like I made a reference. I I did da my rares podcast and we were talking about He busted me when I I did maybe it wasn't his podcast. I did I did his

Stand-up show down at the laugh factory the world famous laugh factory everybody All right, and if you're around the world and you've never heard of the world famous laugh factory Then I I think you need to become a little more cosmopolitan a little more worldly Okay, you got the great wall of china You got the octetra off And you have the world famous laugh factory on sunset strip all right run by the always lovely

Jamie Masada and I was down there doing a stand-up thing and Dom has this cool show where like, you know You do stand up and then after you're done he comes up and he does these interviews Which is more you just sit there breaking each other's balls and laughing your ass off. So he called me out on Dustin off some old topical material, but I forget how I dropped into it um But I I did the whole oh speaking of this, you know, what's up with monica lewinsky I mean it wasn't that bad But it was one of those deals where he busted me and I laughed about it and I and I was

I was reminded this time In like the early 2000s. I was working with this fucking hack And he was on stage and he just goes out of nowhere. He goes, you know People are still talking about oj He just the oj simpson trial was in 90 Of the death of murder happened in june a 94 And the trial concluded in october of 95 and it was 2002 and this guy goes people is still talking about oj Seven fucking years later and then he proceeds to do material

That wasn't seven years after the case kind of thing It was like this was shit that he wrote while the trial was going on And anyway, so I go to tell that story And i'm at the laugh factory and it's a crowd of 20 somethings And I tell it to dom and I want to say dom laughed, but it got nothing From the crowd and then i'm just looking going all right say like the average person here is 24 That means they were born in 1989. That means oj You know, I shouldn't even see me got acquitted, right? I never understood that case

He got acquitted, but he still had to give everybody all his stuff Like they need more evidence to send you to jail for life but you know To get all his stuff including his heisman trophy all the other side just asked me I mean come on Yeah, I mean, you know, we did who else who else would have done it? And then it's like You know the end of the wheel of fortune. You're just like all right first Slicing my daughter's throat. I'll take the dinette set for 700

That's disgusting fellows a disgusting joke. Well, fuck you. I got an hour to fill here talking to myself Uh, what would you be talking about six and a half minutes in exactly? Okay, so sit back down in your plastic staples chair and you put your head down in your desk inside of your fucking cubicle I don't hear another word out of you for the next fucking 53 and a half minutes Okay I'm in no mood I got a long podcast ahead of me and the last thing I need is someone like you getting all fucking up next to your stapler Anyways

Yeah, so i'm starting to feel my age I mean I look I look phenomenal Despite the top of my dome from just below my hairline down from my age. I look phenomenal I Don't fuck you I look great All right, I've seen other 45 year olds. It's not a pretty sight And maybe it's because they got married and they had a bunch of kids Right and they made them some omelets and the kids didn't finish it because they didn't have teeth yet

So then you got to eat their omelets too and then you start walking sideways out of your house just Door jam, right You just start using momentum to get to your car You know You put your belly Right on the fucking driver's side door leaning against it, you know Like a heavyweight fighter trying to wear down his opponent You just lean in against your car as you're fiddling around trying to find your keys in your pocket

You literally have to take a break From carrying that bacon egg and cheese mass right in front of you The fucking suspension digging in on the opposite side of the car like when I try to tip my dog over You know I don't know how difficult cow tipping is but trying to tip over a pit bull is practically impossible They get low and they put two of their bionic fucking legs on the opposite side of their body And then they also have like web toes and they just dig into the carpet. Isn't that right Cleo? No

Dude, I got to put up this video of her snoring The other night last night She sounded like a fucking trucker who just got back from a fucking There and back trip across the country Full of hobbies Laying on her back Fucking face twitching REM sleep and just snoring I don't know. I don't think she got sleep apnea. I don't know what her deal is a fucking lover though. So anyways

The hell was I just talking about? Oh, yes. I looking good for my age, but um I'm starting to feel it feeling it with the references. So the other day I was working. Um What the hell was I had an unbelievable weekend? I worked uh dc new york in philly and I'm I'm backstage In uh in new york city at the beacon theater All right, legendary theater Just beyond anything I ever thought about I used to go to stand up new york on the upper west side And my whole fucking thing was just being able to get a spot there

First on a weekday a scheduled spot not to get thrown up to actually have my name on the schedule He has a 10 20 Right and then it became can I do a weekend spot? But I I and you know I get off the subway and I'd walk by that theater a zillion time and it never even dawned on me That a comedian could even fucking play a place like that. That's how far away that was so um, I hope if you were in the area you had a chance to come down there because um Both of those shows were uh I don't know that was something else something else right up there with karnagy or any of those other things and uh

But there was something about the beacon That just it felt like uh, I don't know felt like I was at the cellar like comfortable. It was awesome so anyways Ah, jesus christ. I forgot what the fuck I was talking about All right, let's back it up. It's how my brain works. It goes in a straight line So I got a you know like when you miss an exit you got a backup back in the day and you go back and look at the sign Back in the car up. Well, maybe you just pulled over and your dad got out. I'll pissed off And left his family of five sitting on the side of the road waiting to be rear-ended

Well people didn't text when they drove back then so I guess it was normal Right, um, ah shit. What the fuck was I talking about? I can't remember. I literally cannot remember anything that I said before no wait. I said a bad joke oj dinette set Ah christ And there it is and then and then it just hits the fucking beach and now here we are we're in we're in a fucking lull I guess I was talking about eating like shit

You know, I was doing so well I got myself down to about a buck seventy You know, I'm watching that UFC the ultimate fighter Right, I'm watching that this season everybody on the show is in shape The women have fucking taken it to the next level. They're having some of the best fights of the season And it's making me want to work out and then I went on the road and this is a funny thing me I went out with verzi right and we're not drinking right now. We're on the wagon Although I drank wednesday and thursday

But I'm still I still consider on the wagon wednesday. I got fucked up And uh, and I paid for it the whole day and I was like, this is stupid. I got how many times do I have to learn this lesson Oh, I gotta tell you guys I I went to the rangers game the rangers penguins game on uh It was that wednesday night. I gotta tell you what a what a fucking venue You know, they redid the whole thing seriously after going to a the clippers

Warriors game just being in the staples center because I really love la and I don't look at the people like that plastic phony Or that type of shit, but I gotta tell you you haven't gone to that game sunday night and then gone to madison square garden Uh, just you could not compare the atmospheres It was just fucking I thought can I stop saying that annoying word? The atmosphere of saturday was just it was electric Yeah, I mean you could feel there was something palpable in the air the the the the The pirate victory that was to come um That was fucking amazing

It's just nothing like being in a stadium Watching a team that has a history albeit a tragic one But has a history and everybody just grew up watching them And they know the history of the game There's rivalries you just you feel it, you know, it's like a uh It's like one of those home cooked meals that gets better every time you reheat it. You know like a beef stew a gumbo Let's throw that out there for the wonderful people down there in new orleans

I actually got homesick, you know last night when I watched a little bit of the saint's cowboys I watched a little bit of the saint's cowboys game and um When they were shooting down the street, you know, they always play that new orleans music and shit and uh Al michael's are going was sitting there talking about how they were shooting right down canal street and I stayed there at the hotel There was the hotel. There's the fucking harris. There's the cigar bar and I missed it But I gotta tell you I ended up shutting off the game Because I was so tired and I what did I ended up watching this documentary on dr. J on the nba channel

You guys got to see it. Of course. I don't know the name of it, but uh Just they don't Never made one like that never again before or after just the combination that guy was so fucking cool And so classy and even to this day you want to talk about a guy aging well You know they said that he uh He can still dunk And I'm not going to say whether or not he proves that he can still do it, but you definitely should watch

The documentary of the shit that the guy was doing especially all you guys from the jordan era Or maybe the kobie era who just went just as far back Is michael jordan if you want to know How michael existed or whatever it's because he got to I mean aside from obviously all his hard work and all that type of stuff but he got to watch a guy like like dr. J and uh They showed all the classic shit his dunk on michael cooper um

And then that one where in the 1980s finals where he drives baseline jumps up in the air and he's got the ball I think maybe in the third row Sort of doing this sort of windmill thing swooping around And he's literally his momentum carries him out of bounds There's some giant white dude, and I don't know if it was kareem or who else Just completely took away that side of the rim

It was over So anybody else even an all star maybe the best they could do Is maybe look to see find somebody open underneath the basket to pass it to him Or do the playground thing where you try to throw it off a defensive player and it's out on them Right, but instead he just keeps flying through the air All right, there's two tall people blocking this side of the rim. I think I'll just keep gliding through the air I'm starting to come down so I'll pull my legs up a little bit Give me just give myself a little more hang time comes back all the way to the other side of the basket

everything but probably you know his Halfway to his right forearm Down to the tip of his fingers is out of bounds the other way And he just reaches back in bounds at the last second. It puts like a reverse spin on the ball For a reverse layup on the other side. I can't explain and it goes by so fucking fast. You have to watch it in slow motion um They got that they got all the ABA Highlights and the stuff they were giving away like they had a dollar night or something like that at nasa coliseum

With a new york nets plate when he was in the ABA and it was a dollar a ticket 9 000 people showed up and if you showed up not only was your ticket only a dollar they gave away a free loaf of bread So then you start to see all that all that will ferrell semi pro stuff. It's just it's awesome, man. I'm actually looking it up right now. Dr. J documentary um I guess it's just called the doctor Watch nba tv's the doctor full documentary. Uh, Jesus christ. It's already up online. It's fucking sons of bitches. Definitely check it out And then they got all his awesome commercials

Um with all the fucking 70s music they had this one it goes. Hey, hey dr. J Where'd you get those moves? You move with such grace? Are you a member of the human race? They literally go are you a member of the human race like you'd political correctness? Would never let you get away from that with the underlying racist comments what they were really trying to say was we've never seen anybody Play like that, but you know Those arian cunts, of course would be like, you know, that's exactly what we were saying, right? I guess the nazi guys would talk like that, right? Do you actually have like a bad german accent like i just did?

But you got to see it, but you got to watch that commercial I'm gonna put a link up for that because then the dude the second verse that they don't show in the documentary He goes up into that fucking 70s falsetto It's the shit nia loved it. She like was like memorizing the song. I was walking around our house singing it last night Um, which is why I love her All right, so there's that so definitely check out the doctor on the nbh. I watch it on the nbh channel All right, help out that zillion dollar business With their mobbed up refs

So anyways, where the hell are we? Oh my god, where are the last fucking 12 minutes go? It's just really flies by when you're having fun. Okay time to do a little bit of advertising All right, everybody here we go bill's gonna try to read out loud once again this week Is there any improvement any improvement? Ah, fuck. I'm already throwing it off the rails. All right, here we go Focusing taking our time relaxing maybe going a little slower letting it breathe Dollar shave club everyone For a couple of bucks a month dollar shave club.com delivers amazing quality razors right to your door Not only does it save you a ton of cash. It saves you from trudging to the drugstore for a pack of blades

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Keep your stress level low and your bank account high Shave time shave money go to dollar shave club.com forward slash burr All right, just for the record. I think I screwed up three times. That's not bad Let's see if I can drop my this is like golfing See if I can take a stroke off on this one E voice If you are an entrepreneur two things keep you up at night Increasing revenue and controlling expenses

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You gotta be kidding me. I was like three quarters of the way. I'm like, oh my god I'm gonna have a perfect game and then I messed up once and like well I'm still gonna beat three then I had two and then I'm like don't blow it God damn it. So that was three again. Let's do one more here. Let's see if I can only make two screw ups I'll have to go a little slower Put a little more twinkle in my eye Hulu plus everyone You've probably tried hulu dot com now with hulu plus you can watch your favorite shows anytime anywhere

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That's a special offer for my listeners only make sure you use hulu plus dot com slash bill So you can get an extended free trial and they know we sent you go to hulu plus dot com slash bill now Or click the hulu plus banner on the podcast page at bill bird dot com All right. I think that was only two mess ups possibly three All right. Anyways, let's get back to the uh, let's get back to the old uh The old podcast a rune there um

so As I mentioned oh this week They had the uh, new york comedy festival, which was why I was at the uh, I was in new york city working at the beacon theater um I was over this this was my weekend. I worked our constitution hall where eddie murphy taped delirious And chris rock did I think never scared or shoot the messenger. I forget which one Um, so I got to work that place and then I did the beacon You know, which is the beacon and then I got to do the tower theater and philly

so, um It was insane. It was absolutely insane and this is my week couldn't have got any better um, because it was the new york, um comedy festival there was all these big named comics, um that were in town and uh, bill cosby was working at the theater down in madison square garden and uh It was on my bucket list You know, I got to see this guy. I saw carlin. I never saw prior

I have to see bill cosby um, I saw don rickles earlier this year And uh, you know, there's a lot of people that I should have seen throughout my career And I never did because I was too busy trying to get better myself and I was always like i'm gonna see him I'm gonna see him. I'm gonna see him And like I never saw carlin when I was actually a stand-up comic where I could have appreciated him even more I saw him and um, I told you this story before I'll tell it again real quick Me and a buddy of mine saw him at the cape card melody tent

and We actually went down there to laugh at him if you can believe it because my buddy had convinced me That he was still doing his more stuff bit That he hadn't changed up his stuff. So we were driving to the venue Drinking and laughing going more stuff like we just were like we're gonna go down there. We actually used to go out Like I went and I saw a live taping of the Morton Downey Jr. Show We would go out to go see stuff like that to enjoy it and also laugh at the people that that thought it was great stuff

Morton Downey, jr. He was great. But come on. It was a shit show, right? um, we saw dice um We loved dice. We saw him at the Worcester center We didn't go down there to laugh at him by any stretch of the means we went down there to fucking laugh our balls off and we did um, saw him at the Worcester center But we went to go see carlin we went down there to laugh and I think he was going to do all his old material And of course we go there and he had a brand new killer hour and he was 10 times the comic that he was

The last special just how he just kept growing throughout his whole career. So anyways, but I never saw him When I was an actual stand-up comic I saw him when I wasn't a comic so all I knew was this guy was funny as hell um, so anyways long story short I Was flying to new york and they had an article in the new york post that said that uh

Cosby was in town And he was doing the festival So I called up and I asked if there was any way I could stand in the back and blah blah blah blah just check them out And they hooked me up And they actually got me to the side of the stage and I was thinking oh, maybe maybe he'll just walk by and I'll get to Shake his head. No, I don't want to bug him. I don't want to bug him So I go backstage and of course there's like 40 people standing there because you want to go You got to see bill cosby

So I'm standing there and then this woman goes hey, you want to go up and meet him And I was like meet who and she was and I'm like cosby and She was like, yeah So she starts walking up towards this dressing room and I'm It's like I had fucking mud and I'm walking in mud like I was afraid I was afraid So I'm walking I'm going are you sure it's okay? Are you sure it's okay because this wasn't somebody running the festival This was just like a pa that was bringing me up there and

It's right before he's going on and I'm thinking like It just didn't seem like this was going to happen. So she walks up knocks on his door I hear somebody say come in that's not him and they open the door and there he is sitting there with one other guy And so I walk in thinking I'm going to get an intro from the pa and she just closes the door behind me Now I'm standing there. It's me There's other dude and bill cosby who's the other two was sitting down and I'm standing up

He calls me looks up at me And he just goes Who are you? And immediately my heart is pounding. I'm like, uh, I'm bill burrow. I'm I'm a stand-up comedian and he interrupts He just goes and why are you here? It's not going like oh my god, this is the fucking nightmare. I didn't want to come up here. I didn't want to bug him. I was tongue-tied I had I There was nothing I I what am I gonna? Why am I here? I don't know why I'm here

I didn't ask to come up here. She just fucking dragged me. So it's three excruciating seconds After he said and why are you here? And I'm just sitting there with my jaw on the ground and then he finally lets me off the hook and he goes you are here Because I asked you to be and then he motions to a chair and goes sit down So I sit down. He had no idea who I was I think he knew that I was a comedian but I I sat down And immediately I just had this fucking ear-to-ear grin on my face that I couldn't wipe away and I just as I was sitting down

I was like I got to tell you this is like meeting the pope and he goes yes, but way more entertaining I can't do it the way he did. He just had me laughing And he proceeded to just start talking to me about how excited he was about his new special and about the way that he shot the thing and and And uh the artistic way he's like you have to see this thing and he was saying there's no crowd shots He goes I don't want the camera on my crowd. He goes leave my people alone

Let them laugh if they think it's funny He goes I don't want the camera on them and then they get self-conscious And they feel like they have to and he imitates their laugh and he does that cosby. Ah Did that thing? It was insane So then he goes he goes I'm going to tell you something about shooting a special and he looks at the other guy He goes I don't think I should tell him this You know what I'm going to tell it

I'm going to I'm going to tell it to him and he turns to talk to me and right then the door opens And the pa comes back and goes mr. Cosby. Are you ready and he goes? Oh, yes, of course, and he stands up and he walks out So I never got to hear That that the secret of shooting a special From a guy who I think you know, I I've said this before I feel like Richard Pryor live in concert and Bill Cosby himself run the entire gamut of It's like two perfect games

Um I can't I can't explain it and it's just one just absolutely Like Cosby's just totally clean other than he says asshole one time, but it's totally necessary it's just not an ounce of fat In that special just wire to wire. He's just sitting down killing not cursing just Like I just you couldn't do it any better As far as just a written special all the way to Pryor live in concert, which is just like

I don't that's just I don't know how to describe that style Just open free going off Not like you don't have your bits but like Those nights when you're just on as a comic and you're just tagging every joke in a three minute joke becomes a five minute joke And a five minute joke becomes a 12 minute joke And then the next time you do you you're set You're thinking about how you did it the last time so you're in your head

And then your three minute joke that became a five minute joke now becomes a one minute joke And you burn through an hour material in 17 minutes and you're on stage going what the fuck happened Anyways, those are the two perfect things. So anyways, then he goes downstairs And he walks out on stage and just sits down he has like a You can't even see it. It's like this clear mic That almost like he would be like typing into on on a keyboard

So it's hands-free kind of thing and he sits down almost like a catcher And he's just like like he's sitting down on a stoop And just does like an hour, you know, he was only doing like there was a number of comics that were on it um But he just sits down and Like he did 30 years ago when I saw him or whatever the hell it was Yeah, it was 30 years ago. Just absolutely Just total command of the crowd

I've never seen anything like it But there was so many people backstage talking and that type of thing That um, I still have to go see that guy live because I hear they said when he did his special He did two shows both 90 minutes both all different material And I brought that up to him when I was talking to him real quickly I still can't believe I'm I'm saying this. Yeah when I was talking to bill cosby and he said, uh And he just was humble. He goes well, you know, I've been doing this for like 50 years

I I should have that much material when you think and it's just like Yeah, but it's that's all relevant You know Don't you have any topical stuff that you have to throw on it's just unbelievable. So, um He's torn he's out there he's part of one of the last ones From a generation that taught the rest of us how to do it. So if he comes to your town, I can't recommend it enough to go out

and go see that guy, but uh Yeah, so that was my week You know That doesn't suck does I don't think so, um So what else did I do? Let's talk about some of the shit I did with uh new jersey zone paul versey You know, I'm actually rooting against the giants not because I hate him But because paul versey said when they were 0 and 6 that they were going to go on a run. Remember I said that

You know, I got a feeling you know, they they they could turn you know So I it's not that I don't want to see the giants go on a run. It's just I don't want to listen to paul Tell me that he called it For the next six years Okay, the fact that he's still talking about cano and all that I don't need another thing him going like Ah, like when we're both like when I'm 60 and he's 50. I don't want to be listening to him talking about the 2013 regular fucking season That they could go on a run and blah blah blah and also

Just having watched the giants, you know When against the patriots in the super bowl twice when the patriots had him And they let him off the hook now I'm not taking away from the giants because the giants still had to fucking deliver and jesus christ did they And they all stepped up and they all made a play where we didn't Where santa samuels dropped a fucking interception You know and we brady to welker six yards fucking completion That would have gone for a first down and the game is over and you leave the door open for them

They are just a blessed team the fact that you can go 0 and 6 Okay, and then win your next two games and only be two games out In a 16 game season. Um, they have a horseshoe Buried so far up their fucking ass like they literally they could actually win their division starting 0 and 6 starting 0 and 6 as a football team Is basically that would be like losing your first 50 games As a baseball team going like 0 and 50 Okay, because what 0 and 8 is half the season so 0 and 6 I can't I'm not doing the math

I can't even do the map. We'll say that's 40 percent of the season. There's 162 games That's 40 we're gonna go 40 and 4 that's that's like losing your first 70 Ah, gee, I don't fucking know. It's like losing a bunch of fucking games and then somehow not only Do you go on a run you like you win your division? It's insane Wait to the cowboys win last night. I got to look it up. I started watching that dr. J Documentary they were playing the saints. I'm gonna guess no Saints at home

Let's see cowboys Saints this is entertaining right listening to some douchebag look up a score And I'm gonna say the saints won Jesus did they ever 49 17 what the fuck so now they're five and five Now I'll fuck this I got to look it up. Dude. This is fucking hilarious nfl Let's get me to nfl.com Official website standings here we go standings. What are they a game up now?

The Giants are three and six So that that that two out that two games back that's fucking hilarious They're actually tied with the redskins the washington redskins. You want to be ashamed of yourselves You want to be ashamed of yourselves? Jesus christ They went 0 and 6 The Giants went 0 and 6 and it only took them nine games to catch you. Oh, wow, that's depressing. We're already nine games into this fucking season Ah

Fuck it just doesn't it just goes by too fast. It's already november Unbelievable but thank god there's hockey and I'm actually kind of into the end of the NBA this year um I don't know but it's it's very hard to to stay up on both those leagues because there's so many games and they play Like that their seasons just completely overlap each other Have you noticed that this baseball football like people are either baseball football basketball or baseball football hockey um You know if you're going to go if you're going to try to watch as much as you can

And then you throw in the golf and you got to watch wimbledon, right? I mean, no wonder the years are flying by and your wife has that angry look on her face You know, it's it's just flying. Oh another one. You guys got to watch watch the pat summer all documentary A football life on pat summer all that's another one Just uh, just amazing, you know and made me feel good about my drinking considering the way they people used to go back in the day um Dude the last Super Bowl I forget the guy it was before my time That pat summer all was paired up with before john madden

um It was just like an open joke that they used to go out boozing Like kind of like in a d martin kind of way See pat summer all Um broadcast team broadcast partner there we go. Let's see if I can find it Now tom brookshire was that the guy's name Yeah, I think it was tom brookshire and they actually Before super bowl 13 the second time the cowboys and the Steelers met up

They came on the air and both looked like shit and talked about how they'd been there since tuesday The game was on sunday or something how they'd been there since tuesday and how they felt like they had been there for There for nine years and were just basically openly admitting that they were fucking hung over and felt like shit It was insane. So those those are two documentaries to watch um, oh by the way Had a great great fucking time when I was in philly um Whenever I drive to philly down from new york by the time I get into philadelphia. I absolutely fucking hate the city

I just hate the fact that you just can't seem to get off the goddamn jersey turnpike You gotta I always take that exit five. I always take the wrong one. I gotta weave my way through like 12 suburban towns Going by a goddamn gazebo to go to a major city It's a major city. You got four major fucking teams. I don't understand why they don't have some fucking through way Where I can continue to drive 70 miles an hour and get to philly in no time whatsoever. I know i'm taking the wrong one I should take that one. That's the 30 that you go over the ben franklin bridge But I went over that that other one exit five. We end up going over like that fucking footbridge um

Then you're pissed and you get there and it's like 12 one ways and going in the same direction Then another one going the other way and you're like my hotel's right fucking there How do I get to it and you're pissed? But then you see mitchell and nests and all the great food and then you're walking around you have a great time so anyways Um, we went and we did the shows at the tower theater crowds were awesome now i'm just fucking awesome and um

Oh, and you know what was awesome too was some woman came to my came came to the first show and as I was walking off stage like Handed me a loaf of pumpkin bread because I uh I mentioned I was talking shit about how good my pumpkin bread was so she hands me this loaf of pumpkin bread as i'm getting off stage and i'm laughing like Like because I know why she gave it to me and i'm walking upstairs and she has it wrapped very professionally like

She has cellophane around it and then she has this plastic bag over that with the twisty a twist tie And now i'm going upstairs and I walk by the guy I go look at somebody maybe some pumpkin bread And you know, there's no barcode on it. There's no governmental shit. This stuff has not gone through any sort of Stuff whatsoever. So i'm literally I say to the the guy backstage. I go Do you got any you got a rat problem back here? Can I feed a piece of this to a rat and just see what happens to the rat? I'll get a little food testing before I bite into this make sure there's no weed in it or any shit like that and um

And whatever so I went upstairs and I was just like I got to try it And uh, I hope the person who made it is is listening. It was fucking outstanding outstanding I'm not going to say it was better than mine That's like saying cosby's better than prior our pumpkin breads are both coexisting in that stratosphere and it would just really be a a It would just be a personal personal preference. I gotta tell you um

Whoever made it made it and handed it to me. It was outstanding verzi had some too And was like it's like I couldn't throw it out actually paul took it home to his family So I hope the drugs or whatever you did to it aren't in the middle of it because he has kids But it was fucking delicious. So thank you very much for that It's very nice of you. Um and speaking of battling, which is better My pumpkin bread your pumpkin bread. All right, you're in philly You don't live there or even if you do live there. How do you end a great night? come on

You got to go to geno's or pats for this fucking steak and cheeses, right? And I'm sure the people in philly. Oh fuck both those places are fucking tourist trap You need to go to uncle fuck. He's over here. Well, whatever for an out-of-town guy. That's what I did so I go down there and For as he's going. So what should we do? Should we do pats or geno's and I'm like, well, fuck it. Why don't we go? We'll get one of each then we'll cut them in half and we'll we'll you know trade Mix and match do a little surf and turf and see which one we like better

So of course we go what we go to pats first and we order it And it's just one giant fucking steak and cheese sub and they don't have even have a plastic knife Feed to cut it up. All they have is a spoon for I don't know what you get cheese fries or something So first he's got to tear it in half and I go over to uh We're standing in line at geno's. I'm eating half a one of uh Pats right? I got one wit is what we got and dude. It was fucking delicious Fucking delicious. So then I go to the uh

geno's place Same deal. We ordered another one And as I go up there I I know I I'd been there before but I never noticed the sign there on geno's where it says, uh He's got two signs one says I'm mad as hell. I want my country back And it's a picture of the uh the original owner. I really don't want to fuck this up joey vento and it's a picture of him

basically on With a picture of just the lower 48. I love how he blows off alaska in hawai He wants his country back and then below that there's a picture that says, uh Uh, this is america when ordering speak english

And I was just like jesus christ man. That's like some old school bronx tail archie bunkers shit and I saw it and I was like I was who's funny to me because there was this table of like five latino people standing around speaking spanish or whatever Eating the food and i'm like wow that is a testament to how good your fucking food is where you can just like openly insult somebody

like that and um Well, I guess they spoke english too because they did order. I don't fucking know. I'm just saying That your food is so good that you could be like insulting that much openly insulting and uh People still order it. So I looked it up and there's this whole thing where this guy joey vento's son Um, um, joey vento passed away And uh, his son took over the business and I guess it was this guy's dying wish To keep the speak english sign of gino still up there. I'll read you the article real quickly here. Uh It said last week, uh

eatery philly ran a photo of rapper buster rimes hanging out at gino steaks in south philly This was all well and good But what really caught our interest was an update to the item explaining that the speak english sign Is still being proudly displayed at gino's because it preserves Because its preservation was what late owner joey vento Jesus christ i'm sorry guys because its preservation was late owner joey vento's dying wish gino recently Retained neph associates the same public relation firm that began handling the joes Oh, yeah, the joes vs chinks racist cheesesteak drama

Oh, this is a pr firm neph pr director kyle flat explains the gino sign situation in an email today Uh, he says as you know geno's is under new management since the passing of joey vento Gino vento joey's openly gay son is the new owner and operator And i think it's important to inform you that he does not share all of the polarizing views his father was famous for I think it's also important for you to know that we ever tamed joe steaks

Blah blah blah blah Whatever i guess it was this guy's dying wish his dad's dying wish was to keep it up there So his son sort of caught in the middle um I don't know it's actually an intro almost like an interesting piece of history Where they have like colored bathroom only we just kind of see How far we've come yet haven't come that far i don't know it was it was pretty takes a lot to kind of Shock me i was just like

Jesus christ and then i felt like well fuck this place i don't want to eat here i'll just eat at the other place And um, i just heard well that's owned by the same family I don't know for the record i like pats better on that night So it might be one of those nights where any given night there, but they're both absolutely delicious So then i had to look up this the joes vs chinks racist cheesesteak drama So, uh I look up this one

By the way, all of this shit is making me feel much better about being from the boston area because we seem to get Like other than the south like when you talk about racist cities in the north people always talk about boston and I guess there was a place that's now called like joes steaks and whatever um Oh, Jesus, what the fuck is the thing? Where's the article here? Okay, philly is renaming a cheesesteak shop that used to be called chinks

um, all right philadelphia capital city of the united states is a is great at many things It's great at being within a relatively short drive Unfortunately two topics it is yet to master are race relations and nuance um Which is why its residents are freaking out that a philly cheesesteak shop known since 1949 as chinks steaks Has just changed its name to joes steaks and soda shop Chinks was names for its original owner

Whose name wasn't chink But who boy did he look like one according to his grade school classmates? um, the philadelphia inquire notes that the late samuel chink sherman So some guy named sam chairman had almond shaped eyes. So everybody called him chink Uh folks in the shops neighborhood understand why someone somewhere at some point maybe could be could find the well-known racial slur Inappropriate, but they stopped just short of admitting that it actually is And because nothing flavors meet like a couple of decades of racism

They they're pissed that chinks no longer exist um Here's a sampling of some of the best lines of complaints Uh back then ethnic slurs slipped off the tongue as smoothly as melted american cheese Um cracker barrel hasn't had to change their name. I mean that could be made into a racist thing um Others said the passing of chinks symbolized the neighborhood's decline Uh if the shop had been named with the slur against blacks that would be offensive said

terrell jenkins a 44 year old african american man, but chinks chink was a nickname It could have been a term of endearment See that's the one thing that i've learned about travel. It's just people just give a shit about themselves So there's an african american guy. You think he'd have empathy. He doesn't give a fuck. It's not coming in his direction So he's ah, you know, it could have been a term of endearment. It sounds like a white dude at that point You know what that reminds me of that reminds me of uh back in the day One of those

You know england they have that stupid royalty these kings and queens and duches and dukes and they just All this pomp and circumstance. I guess they don't make any decisions over there But god knows I haven't really run read up on it. So what the fuck do I know? But anyways, they had some sort of polo club over there And there was some middle eastern guy who was a member and I think he was one of the only middle eastern guys everybody else was these You know blue blood guys that all you know then sestuous fucking so they all have weird ears and fucked up looking faces just like prince charles, you know and um

Their nickname for him was sooty They called him sooty So that got out and the pakestanian guy whatever the hell his name whatever ethnicity he was he said like oh no It was a term of endearment. I don't mind I just love like that's such like a blue blood Rothschild level like

Sooty you know Like the soot from the chimney from the giant fireplace In your fucking manner You know no one thinks about soot anymore. First of all most houses don't even have fireplaces anymore You can't even use them unless you buy an old one that's grandfathered in you know, then they have these old fucking Whatever whatever the next style house up from a manner is you know that one that they shoot it from the air And it looks like a public library except the grounds are so fucking gorgeous

All the hedgerows to quote led zeppelin if there's something in your hedgerow So anyway, so I was just fascinating for me to read this like I don't know it just just reminded me this was like 1950s level sort of racism like Like they're reading just shit and it's kind of being in that environment. I was surprised that there weren't some people With their hair greased back standing around a like burning trash can singing doo-wop Had a very bronx tail Sort of vibe to it. So

But having said that those racist sons of bitches make some great food They really do and uh, I've only ate there one time So I'm not going to pass judgment other than to say my experience that night Pat's Pat's got the leg up All right, but that's a divisional rivalry. So they play each other twice in one season So I got to go back and have another game down there It was fucking delicious and I don't regret a second of putting that poison into my body. The fucking bread was delicious

The cheese was all of that toxic horrific shit that my body is probably still trying to process and decide where it should put it in my body um I'm telling you right now. I would do it again tonight and I just had it two nights ago. It was fucking Delicious. So thumbs up on the cuisine Thumbs down on the ignorant thought But uh leaving the sign up Um, I definitely think the name of the place if it's racist it should you should get rid of it But there was something about leaving the sign up

that um I don't know to me I looked at more it as like a museum Like this was the guy And he was beloved in the neighborhood yet. He thought this way He had another he had another sign that they actually took down and said real americans. Don't press number two Which was a reference to you know, if you'd like english press one A primo numero dos, you know, there's always this the fucking uh prima, whatever the fuck they say, uh Is the spanish

That one to me was actually funny I don't condone it or whatever, but it was at least it was at least clever sort of racism I just love that whole philosophy, you know, give me that I want my country back And that's the same fucking guy that if a native american came up You know instead I want my country back Like, you know, this guy would immediately go into some sort of I would imagine I don't want to put words in his mouth, but I imagine he would go on some sort of fucking rant about how

Native americans were savages You know As we systematically fucking wiped them out like a bunch of fucking savages. So whatever it was really interesting. It was delicious food Okay, let's let's get to some uh Let's get through some uh some more advertising then I got to get to the questions over there All right, here we go. Let's see if I can improve on two screw-ups Legal zoom everybody

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Um All right. Oh by the way for all you alabama fans. Congratulations. You fucking assholes That really devastated me Uh, we had you I I really think if we scored that first touchdown it would have been a different thing You got to protect the fucking ball You know and then all of a sudden they just get the discipline just went out the window and they completely went off the rails You know and I just have to say nick sabin just completely outclassed

The way his players played and all that and it's absolutely devastating you fucking cunts All right, there you happy Okay, should I say yes bill i'm a 16 year old virgin guy from texas and really want to go balls deep in a snatch before college Jesus christ rub one out before you text me next time Or email me um homecoming is in a week and this girl who I talked to a lot last year doesn't have a date because her date didn't Want to pay the 150 bucks. All right. You got yourself a wounded bird things are looking good so far Uh when this year started we we haven't talked and I've never texted her. I don't know where she texted me I didn't even have her number immediately. I knew it was going to be about homecoming because it was all about

People we were talking about uh that we oh Because it was all people we were Talking about that week. She asked me to go with she asked me to go with her But in a way that made me think she was using me so that she doesn't go alone Yeah, there is a bit of that She's definitely desperate You know you kind of like the third string quarterback And they both went down so they're sticking you in there

So I know what you're saying is she gonna let me throw the deep ball or am I just gonna have to go in there and take a fucking knee Right or hand it off Go in the eye formation of the wishbone Anyways, he said there's a pretty good chance. I would get laid if I went I told her I think That I would think about it then she offered to pay For the mum and the food What is the mum does she really want to go with me? Should I say yes and the host hopes that I get to slam her cunt

You know dude, I really can't figure you out It's like you're acting like a virgin by not saying yes to this layup and then you're just really talking about her In a really disrespectful way this girl is an angel All right, the fact that she's gonna give it up to a fucking 16 year old virgin show a little bit of respect But you might be also this might be your insecurity that you are a virgin So you're trying to talk really aggressively About something that you might have a little bit of fear about I have no idea

Look, this is what you should do if you're gonna go with this girl be a fucking sweetheart All right, make her laugh fucking dance her around the dance floor. I have a great goddamn time And if the opportunity presents itself have at it All right, but that's how you go into it I mean, she's already paying for it. What kind of a fucking man. I mean, I guess you're a pimp at this point Um a pimp virgin. You don't see that very often Whatever you're doing it seems to be working, but I just to have a little more respect for it. That's all I'm saying All right, go in there have a good time

all right What's that? What is that? What's that John Madden speech that Joe Bartnick Always quotes tonight today will be the greatest day of your life But only if you win So good luck man, I hope you I hope you win All right, there you go But be respectful God damn it. All right car purchase process

Hey there bill mcredbeard in balls mcredbeard in balls. I like that. It's kind of like a law firm um Love the podcast and love the stand-up have tickets to see you in dc tonight. Well, I hope you enjoyed the show I had a I had a phenomenal time Um, he said my question is about your car purchase process When you bought your Prius, did you do it in so did you do it celebrity style? And send one of your cronies with a Scrooge mcduck style money bag over

Oh to the dealership then have it delivered to your place or did you go in old old school and negotiate face to face? Were you one of those assholes who bicker over a hundred dollars? Or did you just buy the whole shebang and make some poor sap sales guys day? I asked because I've been selling cars for 10 years I find that the people who dicker over the smallest amount of money are usually the most miserable Consturing and after the sale while the people who pay the most are the happiest customers I'm happiest customers. I have and send me all their friends and family Uh fellow ginger and sleazy car salesman. Um, all right, so you own up to it that you're robbing those people

I tried to uh I tried to haggle over the price And uh, I was buying the Prius When gas prices were like forced forced something a gallon back in like 2007 So they couldn't keep those things on the lot. So I was just like this is my offer take it or leave it And they're like, well, we're gonna leave it and I'm like I'm walking out I'm out of here and they're like, all right. See you I needed a car and I was renting one

That was the thing if I had another car if I actually had a car that I could drive away with instead of a rental That was costing me money. So I just said, all right, fuck it Um, I'll just pay I'll just pay it and I'll go do some more stand-up gigs um But just personally speaking if you can't knock any money off of the car Just because you know that they are fucking you over um You know

One of my buddies does it the best and he is also a salesman and he looks down on car salesman. He looks at you guys Like like hack comedians as far as like being salesman. He thinks you're the lowest of the low now. Listen, that's not my Thought that's just his He just calls them up and says the car that he wants And the price that he's gonna pay And he says i'm calling four other dealerships. Uh, you have till noon to get back to me He does it something like that and they get back to him and he gets it For the price that he wants because it's a guaranteed sale. He's like i'm buying a car today and

These dealerships they can't resist that so I oversimplified it because I don't i'm not totally, um You know informed on I always forget how it goes down so I can't intelligently Present what the fuck it is that he does but that's the way he does it. Um, but anyways, i'm actually You know thinking about um Buying nia a nice car. So if any car salesman out there could give me some tips

And present the ins and outs about how much they do mark because you know I've heard a lot of stuff like the sales slip on the side of the car the car the price up at the top Is what the dealership pays and that the dealership doesn't pay for any of the options and that type of thing Which doesn't seem right to me. I feel like they must get a discount on the options What is the discount and I also know that they need to make money So What's a good Let's just say if i'm going to go buy a $30,000 car

All right And if I look at the the sheet it's it came in at 22 Or 24 just say 24 and it's got six grand worth of fucking options or something like that I don't I don't even know if those numbers make sense If your car salesman like Where should I be should I be in the middle of that? Should I be at 24? Um Where should I be let me know and I'll read it on to other people. All right

So I guess and to answer your question Um, I was the guy who just kind of paid. I'm not a miserable cunt as much as I sound like it. I'm actually a really uh I'm a pretty happy guy, but you know talking about how happy you are on fucking stage I mean it's not really going to be funny. So if I talk about my frustrations and my fears and my shortcomings, you know Yeah, that's where the comedy is. All right, there you go. All right. That was a twofer. All right human farming Billy beer balls Um, have you heard of the concept of human farming? It really makes a lot of sense instead of primitive forms of slavery

The population works and and produces for the elite class The quality of life is terrible because the ends to the means of working is really just to service a higher system You have no idea you're a part of this video summarizes it really well Uh sleep well, so I actually went to go look at this thing this human farming and I understand what they're saying But they as always, you know They don't seem to I didn't watch the whole video, but it's like in the 13 minutes are they really going to give me a solution um

and it also First of all the guy narrating it Might be the most arrogant cunt I've ever heard in my life I can't even I'll click on it right now if you if you want You know, he's just like, you know, a lot of people might be confused Hang on hang on hang on. Ah, Jesus Christ. I got to get through the dodged orango commercial here

14 seconds. You know, he's basically going like You know, some people get get confused and look at the government as it's this thing that's helping them out Blah blah blah blah blah. Are you beginning to understand the cage that you were put in? Listen to this guy And how you can finally Be free Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait. Wait. Wait. Let me let me let me let me get back to the beginning here This is the story of your enslavement How it came to be

And how you can finally Be free Like all animals human beings want to dominate and exploit the resources around them All right, so that's the tone this guy takes let's get a little bit further Into this thing here we go occupation throughout history And it is now reaching its destructive climax Human society cannot be rationally understood until it is seen for what it is A series of farms where human farmers own human livestock

Some people get confused Oh, shit. I pulled it away there. Some people get confused. Listen to this shit. Listen to this talking down to you Some people get confused because governments provide healthcare and water and education and roads And thus imagine that there is some benevolence at work Nothing could be further from the reality All right, so then he breaks it down and then in the end he goes are you beginning to understand The cage that you were in And he keeps going some people get confused. It's like dude. I'm not fucking confused

All right, you arrogant cunt you sound Like you're up your own ass you sound like you're sitting on top of the fucking pyramid All right, you know what this this type of shit does that it doesn't take into consideration It doesn't take into consideration mouth-breathing fucking morons That whole philosophy that why does this guy have this much and this guy has this much that it's always the rich guy is Evil and manipulative and undeserving. I know this is shocking to hear from me the way I go off on bankers

But I'm really going off on the system of banking when I'm doing that but like, you know, don't you guys have some fucking friends? That you know, they go to work, but they they have no direction They have no plan and they just sit around bitch moaning complaining about their fucking life You know And they feel like they did they have like this sense of entitlement that they just fucking deserve shit Because well, why should this guy be rich and I shouldn't it's because maybe because he's smarter than you maybe busted his fucking ass Maybe you sit around smoking fucking weed or boozing it up all day. Like there's no personal responsibility That's what I don't like about this thing. There's no like

You know It's just 100% these people who are running shit are 100% fucking evil and that all these people who are enslaved Are all good people now. I'm not saying that, you know There aren't absolutely brilliant fucking people but because of their lot in life They ended up in a sweatshop in El Salvador. I'm not saying that but what I'm saying is everybody in that sweatshop You know Is not a fucking I don't know what it's not it's you know, there's some mouth-breathing morons in there

And this is where that's a bad example because I'm not condoning sweatshop labor either But I'm just saying go to a fucking sporting event like I did and just be stone sober They just sit around and look at the fucking people Okay, look at this shit. They're eating. Look at this shit. They're drinking. Look at their behavior Look at their clothes are hanging off their fat fucking asses And I know The food supply is poisoned and I know that there's a bunch of fucking lies and all that type of shit But is there any effort on the part of that individual?

To try to squeegee in front of their fucking eyes, or do they just accept it? And if you do just accept it You know, then how do I feel bad for you? Okay And I haven't said that You know racism all that stuff about, you know, you're a third world country. I don't condone any of that shit I don't condone sweatshop labor. I don't condone. I you should pay fucking people and they should You know, they should they should be able to live comfortably all right

Obviously, I think that I don't condone that geno steak shit. Hey, this is america's me fucking english I don't condone any of that type of shit, but I don't I don't also go to that so liberal where it's just like oh look at that drug dealer If he had The same opportunities I had why he would be a doctor or a lawyer. It's like, oh, why wouldn't he work at enron? Or be a piece of shit banker. Why wouldn't he continue his scumbaggery? Why when he becomes in my situation does he then become an angel? I grew up in a suburb There was cul-de-sacs in my neighborhood. I sucked at math

I Didn't become a doctor or a lawyer. I tried to I was too fucking stupid So I don't go into that pie in the sky and I just can't get past this guy's fucking Pregnant pauses Some people are confused. It's like dude. Maybe you're fucking confused. Do you have a better idea? Do you have a better fucking system? I'm sure you do and let me guess in your fantasy that you don't have to fucking put to a test So it's never so it can't be criticized because it's not been implemented. Let me guess it all works out We're all fucking arm and arm

And racism goes away and everybody has a nice pair of fucking loafers as they walk out to get their newspaper That was delivered by a paper boy who now makes 80 grand a year, right? I don't fucking know whatever watch it now that you're you're polluted with my fucking thought on it Some people are confused confused some people look at the government and think that there's some sort of benevolence going on Just the fact that he uses benevolence, you know Making me feel stupid What does benevolent mean? Is that some sort of fucking? I'm doing something for you. You know, I should look it up. Let's look it up b e and b nevo

Oh, Jesus just disappeared after the v He gave up on me like well, I can't be trying to hit he can't be trying to spell that word Okay Benevolence let's go with the the the webster's dictionary A disposition to do good an act of kindness a generous gift a compulsory levy By certain English kings with no authority Then the claim of prerogative. Well, Jesus it takes a left turn on definition number three, doesn't it? All right, so I think he's using it in the first or second

I disposition to do good Um, I don't fucking who the fuck knows all right Anyways, let's let's move on here before we try and solve the world's problems. You can go ahead and watch it if you want All right naked picture situation A sports illustrated. I like that one. It wasn't really insulting Um, oh by the way, the Celtics were 0 and 4 before they won their first game So I immediately started looking at the draft for next year And which I haven't done in the nba

I think ever being a hockey guy And I have to tell you I was absolutely fucking shocked to see that the top 10 draft picks Projected next year eight of them are freshmen eight out of 10 of freshmen and the other two are sophomores like It's such a tragedy that these guys can come out early It just I'm being selfish as a sports fan because I know that they have You know a lot of people like it's a money situation They got to come out to come from a poor family or just a logical thing where

I'm going to risk blowing out my knee playing ball for free or I can go to the nba now and get a million dollars I know it's a no-brainer, but you know just back in the day He got to watch four years You know of a patrick you win or a ralph samson A keemalize one you saw those big men like their their College careers overlapping each other and the next great ones and you're thinking oh, wow, maybe you can win a championship by the time He's a senior or something like that and just to see like the fact that the junior and senior classes have just been so rated By the nba draft that there's not a junior or a senior

He even projected in the top 10 and you're basically going to draft a fucking teenager to try to turn the boston Celtics around By the way, i'm ordering the nba package I'm like this is when I step up as a fan not when they're good not when they buy a title But when they suck a bag of fucking dicks, that's when I i'm going to sit there and watch them rise up from the ashes Okay naked picture situation. Hey bill bill. Hey sports illustrated. I'm in need of some advice, sir Um, I have a naked picture situation on my hands although it may not necessarily be what you're thinking Well, I'd see the you or Your girlfriend

I would guess uh, he goes so there's this girl This lady that went to the same graduate school as me and this girl was a real cunt Dude, don't do this if you have a naked picture of her. Don't do it. He goes. We're talking pure evil She was in school to be a producer and she managed to alienate and demean every single person that ever worked with her She was manipulative and awful to everyone. Oh, it sounds like she's gonna have a successful career She gets into corporate america. All I'm hearing here is corner office um She was manipulative and awful to everyone

Even her boyfriend who she emasculated constantly even in front of his friends. Well, that's on him Walk out the door. What's she gonna do give you a suplex go fuck yourself I got a hand and a world full of pussy. I don't need you anymore lady Um, now before I continue, I should probably say that I realized almost immediately how evil this girl was So I always kept my distance and never associated with her in any way Uh, so that this isn't personal Now let's get to the issue at hand. Okay, so he's painted her as completely evil And he's painted himself as being this even killed rational person. I like this. It's almost as though he wrote the email

Um, now let's get to the issue at hand. I happen to be Perusing the internet one day in the manner that all men do Oh, aren't you an eloquent little cunt? huh You mean looking at fucking porn Look at you dancing around this. I'm you know, I'm starting to think that this woman is innocent And you're actually evil person as you continue to try to paint yourself as a fucking hero who's a member of a polo club You're rubbing one out. You filthy fucking animal

Uh, I'm not judging you. I do it too Happily big grin on my face waving at the government and as I rub one out As I as I actually as I bust a nut I say into the camera that I can't see that's watching me It's okay. I didn't want to run for office. Anyways, I say that as I have an organ as I have a uh orgasm I can't even talk this week. Um, anyways He said in the manner that all men do and I happen to come across some naked selfies that this girl took On one of those tumblers devoted to uh, that kind of thing if you're curious Now my question is without trying to sound like an evil scumbag

Uh, probably too late. Should I do anything with them? I could probably give a lot Of closure and satisfaction by sending them out to the people she's fucked over in the pad. Wait, is it's this girl? Oh that this girl took Okay Um Wow So she treats people like that

During the day and at night she takes naked selfies of herself Um All right, I know this girl. I know this kind of girl All right, okay Here we go. Let's let's just try to pick this back up this this girl. She's she's like, uh, yeah She's like that fucking wall street guy that's stealing money and night needs to go to a hooker with a fucking orange ball in his mouth You need so I think this girl is uh, oh, maybe well, maybe this is like a narcissistic thing Is she taking pictures of herself like she's just this piece of meat or she's trying to look hot?

The human fucking psyche man, it's just that it's fucking insane You know I'm not judging either because I'm out of my fucking mind too. All right, let's Let's continue here I'm one of those. This is a really great email. There's so many fucking levels to this you guys I can't tell who's out of their mind here her or or you're like Or you're out of your mind and this girl actually shot you down because you want to take her out for a cup of coffee um

Should I do anything with them? I could probably give a lot of closure and satisfaction by sending them out to the people She's fucked over in the past to be clear. I would never do this with someone's pictures that were meant privately for me But these were already posted publicly online By her or someone else should I anonymously send out a link to people or just kind of laugh quietly to myself about the whole thing And keep it under wraps any advice would be appreciated Well, what you're doing as far as like justifying your your role in this if you were to do it that they were already up there Is kind of like the drug dealer saying like well if I didn't sell the drug someone else would

um So I think you shouldn't do anything And I don't think I don't know why Um I don't know why like what am I trying to say here Like what what do you think is funny about them? I mean, what is the big deal if somebody wants to put some naked photos of themselves up there?

They like themselves. They think they look good. I don't understand why it's considered like nudity and that type of thing is considered that way um I mean if she's doing a porno, I can see then why she can't get a fucking Job at johnson and johnson, but you know, she's got some naked photos who gives a fuck She's probably the Best shape of her life, you know, I mean personally, I wouldn't do it. Who the fuck wants to look at me naked? Jesus What a fuck that actually disgusted me So anyways, uh, you know what do don't do that man, you're just gonna you're getting drawn into her fucking world

Okay, that if that woman is the way you painted her out to be she has a bunch of issues and the best Kind of guy she's ever going to attract is some ballless fucking spineless jackass that she's not going to respect um If I had a guess she's a woman who needs a guy to tell her what's what And fucking uh, you know put a hurt in honor You know in the bedroom She needs to be face down in the pillows being told what the fuck to do She's got some sort of fucking issue man, but you know, just be happy. You're not going to work for her

She's out of your life. Okay, and she's you know, and if she walks around treating people like that, she's never going to really develop Lasting relationships meaningful relationships She's not going to have people in her life that would step out in front of a bus for You know, so she's never going to get the full human experience. I feel like that is enough of a punishment You don't need to go in there and like that that's really like a uh, I don't know A vengeance thing is very seventh grade girl, and I think you're above that just you know

Just leave him alone and continue to jerk off to him you fucking creep I'm not gonna lie to you. I would too. I'm not judging you. Welcome. Welcome to my level All right, french revolution and bankers Uh, hi there billy bandwagon I've been a fan of the monday morning podcast for a while now and you were on a crab You were on the crab fee podcast. Oh, yeah with jay On the all things comedy network everybody he said it reminded me of something pre revolution france was almost identical to the way the

us is now Oh god, I hate when people keep predicting the Demise of this country like they're giving us some sort of insight like people in this country can't see it coming All right. I'm not saying every mouth breathing moron sees it coming. Well, you know anybody who has Any sort of intelligence we see it coming. Okay All right there mr. Fucking rubbing your goddamn chin Um, actually, he's probably an american too Um, all right france in 1787

Had grinding poverty tax inequality and was nearly bankrupt from the seven years war Uh, and then he writes familiar Question mark. Uh, i'm not even gonna read this fucking thing. You're already so up your own ass Wow, I never looked at it that way. Wait, does history repeat itself? Gee, you're really on to something here, sir Good fucking lord, you know, what's funny about this type of shit is this probably isn't even this person's thought They're probably just regurgitating something else that they've read from a website, which I do all the fucking time I do the exact same thing you're doing here, sir, except I don't go familiar Some people some people are confused. Why can't people just present a fucking

An opinion without like patting themselves on the back about how fucking smart they are all the time You know, you're a fucking moron just like me. Okay, I'm gonna read this and I'm gonna I'm gonna skip over Familiar does that ring a bell pot calling the kettle Ah with your fucking smokin jacket your cunt. All right, here we go. Jesus fucking christ All right He goes familiar it should be the modern us actually has worths Wealth and tax inequality than 1787 france and even pre fall of rome. Dude. This is all old shit

I've already heard this theory a zillion times before you present it And you know, and I'm not gonna fucking read this and get all fucking depressed because I understand this This is why I got out of conspiracy theory and just got a dog And I'm sitting here watching the bread and circus of fucking sports like I never have before Because there's no way out of this rather than present this shit to me I want you to write back to me and give me your solution You give me the fucking solution rather than pointing out the fucking obvious as you rub your goddamn chin all right

Jesus fucking christ. All right. Sorry. I was having such a great goddamn day. Jeez. We're an hour and a half in here I'm a lawnmine lawnmine did uh Son of a bitch this week. All right uplifting documentaries couldn't come soon enough on the podcast Hey there, billy boy. Love the podcast and all your specials can't wait to see you in Dublin in a few weeks. You're a good man Tell all those other irish cunts to come out and see this german irish cunt We're all drink some fucking bush mills afterwards. What do you say? And I Billy red faces

Um, I got a hot woman documentary for you Since blackfish and dirty wars might have got you down a bit. I appreciate that people I love when you send the documentaries that are eye-opening And make me feel like I want to kill myself, but also every once in a while. You got to give me a little sugar Um, so he goes they might have got you down a little bit. Here's some uplifting stuff It's called the pipe and it's about a tiny village um in the in the west coast of ireland Taking on a massive oil corporation and winning. Oh, I love it already

Even if it isn't true. I love it Um, it focuses on the community's refusal to have a dangerous pipeline running through their village It shows the vicious brutality of the cops against the protesters and in particular five men who go so Who go so far as to serve time in prison to get justice dude those guys are saints That's when you are committed to a cause All right, and that's when you know They should make a movie about you

And then fucking actors who have personal trainers and microbiotic diets You know show up with abs And get to play you in your life story that william wallis shit, you know Five men who go so as far so so far as to serve time in prison to get justice That's that's fucking you know, they don't make they don't make men like that anymore Well, I guess they do they made five of them on the west coast of ireland God bless them for once the people win And as a recent development in the case

Has seen the shell oil company have lost their license for work on the west coast of ireland. I'm watching that today Today, here's the link. It's up on youtube everybody. You should check that out. It's called the pipe And another one for the full documentary Oh, I guess okay. This is the link for the trailer is on youtube But if you want to watch the full thing, we'll we'll have these links Um if for some reason you don't you can't if you go to surf for shit. You can't find it like I always do It's called www.filmsforaction.org

slash watch slash the underscore pipe underscore 2010 Slash again, those are all backslashes by the way That is a backslash, right? Yeah backslash. All right. All right. That's the podcast for this week everybody Um, I want to thank everybody who came out to my shows This weekend in dc new york and philadelphia. It was just it was fucking i'm gonna use the word magical There I said it at the risk of everybody, you know coming at me in a homophobic way. I don't give a shit

I don't I like the twinkle toes. So comment me that way. I don't give a fuck. All right. It was a magical weekend I had a great time and you know what it's even going to get more There's going to be even more fairy dust on my career this weekend the final leg Of the billy red state tour all right, um, I am playing in uh, deadwood south dakota November 15th, November 16th. I'm at the brady theater in tulsa, oklahoma And then i'm wrapping it up at the orpheum theater in wichita, kansas

I will be coming out taking pictures and signing shit and all that I apologize to people who came out this weekend, um to the earlier shows um A couple nights I had early shows and I can't go out there because it slows shit down and then I get in trouble With the union because they have to go dark So I I can't go out there and load the other crowd in so I really feel bad about that because I actually really enjoy going out And saying hello to people so my apologies to uh people on the first show of

In philly and in new york um and the second show of the beacon I actually came out there late Because uh, I had a lot of friends and shit coming up there. So I I've got some guilt about that, but all right The deadwood show the oklahoma and wichita i'm coming out after all those shows And uh, whatever you want to do pictures autographs whatever you want to do. I really appreciate everybody coming out It's been a hell of a fucking year And uh, there you go. And then I got one more gig

Southern connecticut state university in new haven connecticut on november 23rd and and after that I got one last giant tour And that's when I do the european tour and I'm gonna fucking Do my best To fucking murder when I go over there um, I'm really I'm amped up for these shows man. I got to finish strong and then the last one the wiltern theater

In los angeles my home city here, and it's going to be me in the entire rose bowl dais is going to be there All right, the ocean's 11 of the rose bowl. Everybody is going to be there. It's going to be me joe bartnick Jason lawhead and andrew themalus. That's it the four horsemen Of the fucking rose bowl. We're all going to be there all do and stand up at the wiltern theater to bring in the new year You know we'll be smoking cigars

Drinking a one quick thing of scotch before we go home and go to bed and then go to see the granddaddy of them All the next day. It's going to be a hell of a fucking night. That's going to be an unbelievable fucking night I'm calling it right now. If you ever want to see the fucking Beautiful knuckleheads that I hang out. You can see hang out with you. I'm telling you go to that show. All right I'm done with that Hype in my own shit. Here's the final thing here now that the show's over Don't forget to sign up for your free trial of hulu plus hulu plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere in your tv pc smartphone or tablet support this podcast

And get an extended free trial of hulu plus when you go to the podcast page at bill bird.com and click on the hulu plus banner Or go to hulu plus.com slash bill. That's hulu plus.com slash bill Okay, that's the podcast for this week Have an excellent week. Good luck. God bless. Go fuck yourselves and i'll see you out there on the road You You You You

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