Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-2-23

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

Bill rambles about his morning, Manhattan Transfer, and Saturday Night Live with the lovely Nia. (00:00) - (31:58)  Thursday Afternoon Podcast (32:13) - (01:50:47) Thursday Throwback (01:50:50) - end  Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks ZipRecruiter:  Try Zip Recruiter for free by going to www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Stamps.com:  Sign up with promo code BURR for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts at www.Stamps.com click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter code BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd, it's time having a tough day. Oh, I had a tough day this morning. Oh, Jesus. I fucking go out to get a cup of coffee, right? Because what else am I gonna do? Grow is a person. You know, am I gonna challenge myself to be a better man? Am I gonna get out of my comfort zone?

No! I'm going to go to the same fucking coffee shop, get the same fucking coffee I always get. Because it makes me feel safe. So I get myself a cup of coffee, right? I get my wife her latte. Make sure I get her latte because you know that's what you do. Hey honey, what do you want? What would you like? You latte because you know that's what you do. Hey honey, what do you want? What would you like? You know, and then oh he's thinking about me. And then they

fucking lay off for a couple hours. Nears over in the corner. So I'm going to be talking a lot of shit about her until she comes over. Um, and what happens? Oh fucking Billy Goodhart. Oh, Willie trying to do the right thing. I fucking come home and then I realize, oh fuck, I was supposed to bring my car in for service. I forgot to do that. So I get the coffees to go. What the fuck are you doing making a coffee to go?

It was a fucking joke. I make it to go. I bring it home and then I'm going to go bring my car a fucking joke. I make it to go. I bring it home and then I'm gonna go bring my car over for service. Right? And I go to the dealership. I don't give a fuck. And he's like, you know, this fucking Uber driver just gave me a whole lecture. Why? Why you bring two dealership? The judge will fucking, but well, you know what? Cause they used the fucking right parts. They got the manual in there. And on, on, on,'m not a torque it down to some shit. I'm not going to some boot like

just some fucking satellite school, right? I go to Harvard fucking Rhode Island. You know, they do that shit like those those adjacent schools. Like I'm not doing that with the mechanic because the guy's going to tell me that he's using genuine forward fucking parts. How the fuck do I know? I Jason schools like I'm not doing that with the mechanic because the guy's gonna tell me that he's using genuine Ford fucking parts. How the fuck do I know? I don't know where to look You saw Ford parts. Oh, yeah, buddy. Yeah, they're right under the hood Thank you, you know, I'm not doing that. I'm not going to jiffy loop, you know those fucking people

All right Those people live in the sewer. That's why That's why they don't mind being underneath the car all fucking day, right? They got them standing there. They come out at night to feed and then right at the end before they go to bed, they change the oil and loob your cars. That's what they do.

That's how they make their money to buy a little fucking burlap sack to sleep on inside the sewer systems of our great cities here in America. And what happens is, is there's, you know, they're nighttime people. They're nocturnal. So when they're working on your car, half the time they forget, half the time bill, well, I've heard that they forgot. And then you drive down the street and your engine sees it. So I go to the fucking dealership. All right, I go to get my fucking car to go to the goddamn

dealership. And I'll, you know, I'm driving down the street. And I'm feeling this weird pulling to one side. And then this tire pressure, I I'm like you got to be kidding me I got a fucking flat So I was close enough to my house I drove back and I'm going around the car and they don't look flat So I'm like what the fuck so I get in the car. I go down the road again. Same thing happens on my Jesus Christ Do I need this? Have a total fucking meltdown face time my wife who's in the house, who got her latte, who was thinking that she married the right man. So what do I do?

What do I do that with the real estate that I gain? I give it right back and throw a fucking pick six and I call her up and fucking have a meltdown. You know, bad enough to do it just a regular phone call. I did it in FaceTime. So I was like, I was in the room. I was like, I was haunting her life. I wasn't even there yet, I was there, right?

So I call up Triple A those cunts, right? Now it's just like, we sent you a virtual text to make it fucking easier, it's not to make it easier. It's so you can make more money. Give me a fucking person. So of course I opt out of that and I wait to get a person on. And then I fucking, I get the whole thing scheduled

And I'm like what me to fucking try this one with time I drive down the street nothing happens It's totally fucking fine. So then I have to call I fucking cancel it. They're like are you sure you want to cancel it? It's like did I come off wishy washy when I fucking talk to your computer the last time? Yes cancel it And then I brought it over the and now now it's it's being, uh, now they have to look at the system that for some reason thought I had a flat tire and I didn't. I'll tell you what fucking annoys me is I know how to change a goddamn tire and I know how to change oil. It's just that the jack that they give you and they have it bolted down and it's, I don't even know what the fuck it is. It's like Jack Jason you know that little tree stand and then they

give you that little fucking curved piece of pipe that's supposed to start up like a fucking car in the 1920s I got to get a real Jack you know I mean I used to have that one you know back in the day I have a real Jack and then I had a piece of pipe to give myself leverage back when I had my 83 Ford Ranger, right? So that was basically my morning and now I'm back and now I'm doing the podcast. Hey, Nia, do you want to are interacting on my Instagram from now on. What do you mean? I am officially res, wait, should I make an announcement?

You are not officially residing. I would like to. Well, then I'm not taking pictures of you stupid fucking food anymore. Really? Is the house gonna go? Well, first of all, I like this partnership. I like you. And I like when you come on the podcast, the people like you get with the people what they want.

Hi people. So I was gonna, I was gonna announce my official resignation from the podcast, but your man wants it. You hear that? He wants it. What do you talk, why do you act on like people don't love you on the podcast? Oh, you know I've heard some things. Oh have you heard some things? Well, guess what?

I've heard some things on something that I have out right now that I can't promote and I've literally I've literally heard everything from Like you know, this is a borish piece of shit. It's not even a fucking movie. That was the extreme left. I just said movie, I guess I'm not supposed to say it. Project. Project all the way to left. And then the extreme right is going, oh my God, it's so hard to watch him give into Hollywood woke fucking politics. But yeah, I don't give a fuck about those people.

I give a fuck about the people in the middle who just watched it and said it was funny. Exactly. That's it. The people with taste. Oh No, cuz some in the middle didn't like it, but I don't give a fuck. Right. It's like I don't you know We live in a fucking world now. You're literally politicizing a stupid comedy project Comedy project. Also, you're Bill Burr. You know what I mean? You have a tendency to divide the masses.

I think that's great. No, I don't. You don't think so? No. No. No. No, not at all. No, all they do is report on the fucking 18 people all the way to the left of the 18 people all the way to the right.

That's not true. Yeah, that's true. You know what, you notice like what it's like, Nia? It's like countries talking about other countries. Oh boy. Yeah, they do the same thing. All these fucking people are assholes and all these people are cool. Now, most people are cool.

It's just the extremist cunts. That's what you have to get rid of, Nia. The extremist god damn cunts. That's what we're gonna call your next special. Extremist cunts. I'm running for office. I'm gonna drain the swamp of extremist cunts. I'm gonna be the first lady. Nea, this is a fantasy. Get on to me? Oh, this fantasy is I don't have to fucking deal with you giving me shit, telling me to work on my temper

when I'm in the White House. I'm trying to run a country here. You think that if we were in the White House that I wouldn't continue to call you to the fucking carpet for all your bullshit and your antics, you think that's gonna stop? Well, that's what you're supposed to do. Never.

As my partner, you're supposed to do that, but that goes both ways. It absolutely goes both ways. Oh, yeah, it does doesn't it Yeah, it does it does it does all right, so you work on your shit. I'll work on my shit To be combative with me. I mean, yeah, well, you just stuck yourself in the White House with me That was my fantasy with me. That was my fantasy. Why wouldn't I be in the White House too? Why? Because maybe I want to be the first single president in a long time. I would never have.

Billy Playboy coming in there. I got a meeting with, uh, if I can jailo this week to talk about, uh, fat kids in this country. Don't you bring my beautiful J. Lo into this? I don't even know why I picked her. I Don't know why either. I need. I could I could I could I could I I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I could I I could I could I could I could I could I could I I could I could I could I could I could I could Yeah, and that's all I'm gonna say. Why would you do that?

I don't understand. I don't understand. My husband, so I'm very pro, pro J-Lo. That's right. Pro J-Lo. I get it. And Pro Ben. You know what your ESPN is?

It's like celebrity websites. ESPN? Well, like, you know, I sit there and I like, I watch like sports and I get into this stupid shit. Oh, this is one of your like super over simplistic analogies. By the way, Phil. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize following celebrities was so fucking deep.

No, you're not deep because you're the one that always go like, you know, it's kind of like when you watch the real house way and it's like, Bill, I know what you're talking about. Like you don't have to make like some sort of analogy. Like, you like this, the way I like sports. It's sort of analogy. You like this the way I like sports. It's like, yeah. That's not even what I was saying.

Okay. Because I was gonna be like, why the fuck do you follow in these celebrities lives, the relationship and then I was mean like, oh this is just kind of like, why am I, why do I give a fuck about the Patriots not doing well this year? Stupid.

Yeah, why do you wear a man's name on the back of a jersey, you know? I don't do that. You don't wear jer you know. I don't do that. You don't wear jerseys. I don't wear, I'm not dating him. Yeah. I just. I feel like I've seen you wear a hockey jersey like years ago or so like in an old photo

of you or so like when you were a kid, you know, or like a teenager or your 20s. But you definitely. No, you don't worry. I wore it jersey if I was playing pick up hockey. Right. Okay. Oh, that's what it is. That's what it is. When you used to want any of that. I wore it Jersey if I was playing pickup hockey. Right, okay. Oh, that's what it is. That's what it is when you used to play hockey. Yeah, and I used to go out and I would wear my J Miller

Bruins jersey, which was hilarious, because I couldn't skate, and it wasn't tough. So it actually brought shame to that great man's name. Okay. Anyway, you look cute. Thank you. So do you. We had fun last night. We went trick-or-treating.

It was the first time my son went trick-or-treating. It's so funny. Oh my God. The first time you bring a kid out, they're always super shy for like two houses, and then they figured out like, wait a minute. I just go up there and say happy Halloween and they give me candy.

I don't feel like none of them say a trick or treat. I heard a few kids saying happy Halloween, which of course is totally fine. But I don't feel like people say a trick or treat anymore. You know what I love? I just love like this generation and LA names for kids. You know, it's joking about that. It's like Brooklyn.

Brooklyn, you have to wait for Stanza. Oh, hi, Salilaque! It's like those are not names. Are you a princess? Oh my gosh, you're so cute. But the kids, and then there's always those fucking kids that are just way too old to be trick-or-treating. There was like kids, these teenage kids, they were taller than I was, their voices had

dropped and they were like, they were taller than I was. Their voices had dropped. They were like, they were a good tree. Coming up. Remember, like, at our old place, I was incensed because these teenage, like, they weren't even wearing costumes. Maybe one girl was wearing cat ears, and they just showed up at the door. They don't say happy Halloween. They don't say trick or treat. They're just like expecting candy. And then they have this shitting grid on their face.

Like, we don't know what they're doing, yeah. It's like, I also, you'd have enough money in your pocket to go to the fucking grocery store and get some candy get the fuck out of here like these are for the kids The only but you never said that no I gave it to because what am I gonna do? I like kind of like got freaked out. I'm like okay Are they gonna like egg the house or do something crazy? I'm like here take the fucking the Milky Way kids don't egg houses anymore They go on Instagram and make up stories about you. Oh, okay, even worse. I was like, no, take the Milky Way as nobody wants these anyway.

They would film your house and be like, okay, just to give you the heads up. I went there. I was nice. I said trick or treat. Like a reporter, like at a, you know, live from the like channel seven news. Yeah, giving you the fucking I'm Brooklyn Saliliqui live out in front of this house that didn't give me a full-size Hershey bar. Don't forget Stanza. Stanza. Stanza is in there too. Right, I didn't hear I did hear Brooklyn. You did? Yeah, that's not cool. Brooklyn's a cool name. I love that name. That's a good one. Okay, what we we've established. Stanza and Saliliqui, those are like those are like music. Are you in like your music head right now that you said stands in so little Quay I actually thought that that had to do with writing oh So look way it does I don't know all right guys this is that that that little back and forth should Inspired all of you

That we actually have jobs and get paid to do things. Well, that was even too dumb for me and I was involved. Anyway, what did I wanna talk about here? Yeah, so last night, yeah, my son was like really like shy. I almost had to carry him up the walk in the first one and then by like the third house He would do this. He go happy How we he would like yell it down the thing and he was dressed like Luigi

He was so friggin cute and I found out that he's all about he likes the lollipops like he He was totally into that and then also I would be going like buddy just take one just take one and he had his like Luigi gloves that didn't fit. You know what I mean? The like three sizes too big and he would just go in and just just like just grab. You know what I really we're gonna have to before they get home we're gonna have to hide that candy because he's gonna go in. She knows how to regulate but he'll be like all over and he'll start crying. It'll be a whole thing. Oh so in other words she's wired like you and he's wired like me. Yeah. Yeah. All right. We'll keep him away from the bourbon.

And more ways than one. Yes. Faux show. All right. Well, listen to it. Speaking of Faux show, I have a bunch of dates coming up this Saturday night myself in club soda Kenny this Saturday night saddened in the park saddened in the park think it was the fourth of July people walking people talking a man selling ice cream Banner playing open up something something Chicago man formerly Chicago Transit Authority and

They're so after the subway that was like a thing Manhattan transfer was just like my god my dad used to listen to them I love the Manhattan transfer. They're so corny, but so good those harmonies. What was it? Do the hustle? Bap bap bap bap but they don't want to say that no they saying I Don't know what they saying Does Andrew put music at the end of the Thursday one yes, Andrew can you find some Manhattan transfer? It's a play at the end of it to transfer from this episode to an older one. I like that It's a play at the end of it to transfer from this episode to an older one. I like that um This saturday night

I'm gonna be at the bot to td bank north Boston garden home Of your 801 Boston broans want to know t the other night sniper um Doing the comics come home. I think the 37th comics come home. Don't be like that. Come home. It's gonna be okay. We can talk about this. We can work it out. You've been away long enough. Come home. Come home.

Um, that's gonna be, uh, the cut that night. Oh, God. Rachel Feinstein. the uh... oh god Rachel finestein mach maran who else i've only posted at nine million times bobby kelly bobby uh... is Rachel from boston no i think she's from new york

i don't know i just i met her in the home she's she's not coming home she's from New York. I don't know. I just I met her in my home. She's not coming home. She's leaving home Well initially it was mainly Boston comedians. They come home Come on over. Yeah, it sounds it sounds good It does it sounds very inviting Then I'm at Fox Woods the next night. Two shows. I haven't been to Fox Woods in ages. There was always a fun time.

You used to go to Fox Woods? I went to Fox Woods with my mother. My mother to see Joe, the R&B singer, and my mom had to... Oh, is that the guy? If you're cheating on me, I don't want to know that guy. Uh, he's once saying, I mean, I don't want to know that guy He's one thing I want to know I want

Oh, no, what turns you on So my mom had two margaritas and was women love that song Please disaster and it was so funny. It was so much fun. Oh, yeah, mom got trashed She did I mean it doesn't take much. She's like, you know a really lightweight But we went with my my aunt who passed away, sadly, a couple years ago. And it was, it was probably one of my favorite memories of all of us together. So I haven't been to Foxwoods probably since then. And I was aged. She got your mother hammered. I got her hammered on Magerinas. And we get the slots, the slots after that. The only time I ever went to Fox Woods

when I wasn't working is I went with a degenerate gambler comedian. You just, you've talked about this before, right? Like you can't just say gambler, you have to say a degenerate. Degenerate. Because he didn't go there to gamble. This guy was a degenerate.

Yeah, he went there to what? Stay up the whole friggin' night playing cards and like I was open informed so I went with him and we stayed up until 4-5 in the friggin' morning and I was just sitting there. I remember him just laughing at me nodding off as I was driving home. And you were just trying to hang? I thought I needed to do that. I was like, well this guy's head lying and I got to do, I should've been like, dude I'm not fucking doing that. Yeah. I was gonna say there was no way in hell you would to do that. I was like, well this guy's headlining and I got to do I should be like, dude, I'm not fucking doing that.

Yeah, I was gonna say there's no inhale you would ever do that today. No, well, you're like a do the show and go home guy. That's it. Yeah, but back then I was, I was, I was a people pleaser. Oh yeah, you were hanging. You were hanging. I was hanging. Let me sit a little closer to you. I was out in these streets near. Just please and everybody, but except for myself. Um, where did you get one of those little microphones to you. I was out in these streets near. Just pleasing everybody, but except for myself. Um... Where'd you get one of those little microphones to put on your phone?

I went to the microphone store. I like it! It's called Mikey's Mikes, right down the street. Mikey, Michael's in his mics. That's right. Mikey, Michael's in. If you need a microphone, if your voice isn't loud enough, I can amplify it. Come on down to Mikey's mics. I mean, your voice is definitely loud enough.

All right. How did that feel? It felt good. It felt good. Shout out. You love me and I've been a sweet hat to you. All right. Come on. Come on. That's right. That's right. There you go. See, I gotta squeeze the compliment out.

But eventually it comes. Okay, so after that, I have a day off Then I go to Northwalk Virginia They coming off a big victory over the Miami Hurricanes. I don't need to tell you that near who is University of Virginia. Oh, I was gonna say they have a sports like a professional sports team. This is college Yes college, okay, look at you knowing that they don't have I mean, I think I would think that they were probably DC fans I mean, I know a few things. I know a few things. I know like the Dakotas don't have any fucking sports team. Right? Professional. Yeah, no, I don't, but they crush it in hockey. They do? They crush it. Yeah, they do. They do. And they went like the NCAA. It's always like them main and there's somebody else that's all BU gets in there too Yeah, I don't know all right, so then after that I go to Atlanta

Nears old stomping grounds and then I go to Hollywood Florida because I'm a big phony Even when I go to Florida, I'm still Hollywood You know what I mean do I go to Daytona? We're all the real fucking people Do I go to Daytona? We're all the real fucking people. Ah. Last time I went to Daytona, I went to the 500 with Nate Bargotsi. Shout out to him, crushing it on SNL. Oh, great.

Yeah, killed it on SNL. I always like, love seeing comics that I'm huge fans of being on the show. And my favorite thing is like, in the end saying, good night is like, I can't even tell you what a relief that is. It's just so much friggin' pressure. And you just so like, oh my God, I did it. And they start playing that song and that clap, clap, clap, clap

as you're coming up, you're like, holy shit. Oh yeah, were they playing the piano? Yeah. Oh my God, it's just. And then the saxophone comes in. Yeah, and you're like, oh my God, it was fun. That's only the go, you need to, and you like oh my god was fun. I did it It's oh you need to go viral again for another you know hot monologue. Oh, what's he gonna say this time that Billy Burry's so unpredictable

He's the mean he says it like it is He's married. I don't like that anymore go fucking cry and your bowl of soup by yourself you fucking losers. Sorry. All right. Yeah, I know By the way all these yeah these I don't know yeah, you got to stop reading comments I know I know I'm gonna be good. I know it's you just got to do whatever the overall is yeah overall It's positive. It's fine. I know yeah These people at say negative shit. It has nothing to do with you It has to do with the fact that their life isn't going the way they want it.

It's sad. I'm gonna get better. It's sad, you know. I know, the negative ones, it takes a lot to get me going because I was okay, like, well, you know, I'm a bald ginger, I can see why. I'd come at me too. No.

You know what I mean? Don't do that though. Don't make it like, okay, for the bullies to bully you. They're not bullies, Near, they're pussy's. Right, well, that's definitely true, but't make it okay for the bullies to bully you. They're not bullies near their pussy's right Well, that's definitely true, but I'm saying like for you if you're talking shit I am a ball ginger. It's like what does that have to do if you're talking shit and it evolves typing It's not like we're going to a weigh-in and you're getting in somebody's grill You sitting there with a little keyboard

They're just using their little thummy thumbs. Yeah, little thummy thumbs. On their, on their, on their, Oh yeah, they got little, they have a little boxing gloves on them too when they said mean tweets. Just so you know that they're telling it like it is. So, Nia, there's an election coming up next year.

I can't tell you how fucking upset I am by that. Why? Cause I am, my God. The fucking dragon it out. The dumpster fire that we'll have to deal with. Well, the cycle. Oh, Jesus. Can you imagine Joe Biden in a debate? How's he even going to do it? I hope people live it together.

I just hope I'm like somebody in their 40s that can like make a speech because because the bottom line is They're still gonna work for the same people. They're still gonna be selling wars. You know, they're still gonna back the banks in the Ponzi scheme It doesn't really fucking matter, but it would be nice to have a good hostess, you know Welcome to Apple bees I'll be speaking for you for the next four years. Someone that still has a light in their eye. Sure.

I mean, the last two people, Nea. I mean, it's just like, it's like a talent contest. You know, it's like karaoke. I feel like the last two presidents have been like, like, presidential karaoke. Would you ever do karaoke? And if you did, what song would you sing? I would do karaoke and I would sing, let me put my love into you, babe, by AC DC. I knew it was gonna be an AC DC song.

Is that a real name? Let me put my love into you. It's a great driving song. And if you don't listen to the lyrics, you don't notice that it's a little aggressive. I let me put my love into you, I think so. Well, that's all right. He just wants to fuck you. I mean, it's not the wrong way of saying, you want to put my love into you, I think so. Well that's all right, he just wants to fuck you. I mean it's not the wrong with saying

you want to put your love into somebody. I don't ever say that to him. Hey Nia, guess what I'm gonna do later on today? Please don't, I don't want you, I don't want it. Please keep it. Why are you afraid of love? Oh God. See that, you have intimacy issues in your point.

Maybe. Hey sweetheart, let me put my love into you babe. You know what, I'm actually really hungry. Let me put my love on the line. Are we almost done with this podcast? Well I'm sorry, are we keeping you for your busy day? I just want to order some food. I want to hang out with you.

It's what I want to do, but I get fucking work today. Well, you had that, yeah, you had that opportunity to do so. And I told you what you needed to do to do that. And you didn't want to do it. So. Yeah, you had that opportunity to do so and I told you what you needed to do to do that and you didn't want to do it So yeah, cuz I have work to do because you married a fucking beast I can't talk a little shit. Yeah, you can talk a good boy. I had a good couple of weeks No, hey, and yet listen Guess who knew about it. Guess who knew about that project. Oh zip

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Sign up at the promo code Burr. For a special offer, that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale, no long-term commitments, commitments are contracts. Sorry, just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and enter code burrburr. And that is it, everybody. That is the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, money money podcast. I hope you're watching the world series or the world's serious is Bugs Money used to say. All three games have been fantastic. There's a lot of drama. You know, the Rangers came back and they're a guy that hit the walkoff home run. I'm not going with the name. He ended up, I don't know if there was

an oblique. I don't know if he messed up his back, but everybody's wondering what's going on. They got Captain America playing shortstop. I'm rooting for the Rangers simply because they've never won before, but if the Diamondbacks win, it's an amazing run because they were a wild card team and they knocked off the braves. And it's reminding me, N before, but at the time it backs win, it's an amazing run because they were a wild card team and they knocked off the braves. And it's reminding me, Nia, of when the New York Giants with Eli knocked off my undefeated patriots.

They were on the road as a wild card team when the great runs of all time. And as much as it crushed my soul when they lost, it was an amazing thing to watch in sports. And Nia, that's one to grow on. This has been the Thursday. Enjoy the music. Enjoy a little Manhattan transfer.

You don't always forget to do, I always forget to put it on airplane mode, and right at the end, somebody ends up calling me. Enjoy Manhattan transfer. All right, Nia's request and edit it into this wonderful podcast. I like to think it's wonderful by the great Andrew Females and then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday Morning Podcast,

coming up after this. A lot of crazy stuff going on in the world, doesn't mean you can't be a nice person. All right, just to give you something to think about. All right, thank you bye bye hey what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday Monday November 2, 2015. Oh my God, it's November. You know, the

greatest holiday of the year for me is what Thanksgiving. I like it. It's family. You get to eat. What about flag day? That's a good one, isn't it? Why Aren't you go underground? Support that indie band, right? He could do that. Labor days, another good one. Blueberry pancake day or whatever the fuck it was at time when I was in Atlanta. I tell you guys that story. I went into do morning TV. The worst fucking thing a comedian can ever do. It doesn't sell one fucking ticket. You know what? She's morning TV, fucking stay at home moms. You know, you know, those in the, in the, those awful stay at home moms, a cool stay at home mom probably pops in a good movie or some shit like that. But those, you know, those ones that talk to kids like

they're fucking morons and they do it like, you know, it's bad enough when the kids really little. But when they're like six years old and they're still going like, oh, we're out with your kids, okay? They do that fucking up and down talking. With like their eyes really fucking open, eyebrows way up. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey back of the head. Like, what are you doing?

And do me a favor. Don't talk to my dog like that because you're going to freak her out. She's going to go for your throat. All she's going to hear is heightened excitement. And she's going to be thinking someone's going to beat the shit out of her again. Like, what the fuck did it to her before I got her? Isn't that right, Cleo? Huh? She's over there already sleeping. This fucking dog slept for eight goddamn hours last night, right? Right next to me, by the way, I didn't see her in like two weeks. So I was watching the KC Met Game and I actually fell asleep before the end of it. I was so fucking tired.

And then, of course, I wake up afterwards and I see KC celebrating. By the way, congratulations to Kansas City City my condolence to Metz fans Just two fucking great teams and it was so great to see you know not to see Yankees Red Sox car nose giants the fucking people who Have been in it. It's nice to see new blood So anyways, I'm sitting and I'm trying to fucking See the highlight and I'm just sitting there And my dog like this my dog is a master like Cudler and then I'm trying to fucking see the highlight and I'm just sitting there. And my dog, like, my dog is a master, like, cuddler.

The thing is all the way, like, legs tucked underneath and it's fucking gutted, it's head right on my chest, right? With its muzzle almost like, just like staring at me and it's snoring. So I don't want to wait the thing up and I'm sitting there and the remote's on the other side of my fucking dog and I'm like, I can't wait this thing up and I'm sitting there waiting for a fucking highlight. And they got this guy who's just standing there going on and on and on and on and on and

on and on and on about the fucking game. About what happened and blah blah. It's like show a fucking highlight. You jerk off. What are you the president? You're giving some fucking state of the union thing. So many of fucking ESPN shows now. I just two fucking people sitting there, standing there, walking around, talking, talking, talking.

That fucking channel I want to see highlights. Show them all fucking day long. I was sitting, I used to watch sports that fucking channel. I want to see highlights Show them all fucking day long. I will sit I used to watch sports that are back when I had the time I'd watch it like three times in a fucking row. I didn't give a shit Same joke, same fucking clips all of that. I loved it. You fucking idiot sitting at talking and talking at talking I want it. I should talk right? I do a fucking podcast by myself So then I turn the fucking channel my god. All right. They got like 52 ESPNs. I go up to ESPN 2. There's two other jerk off sitting there talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, talking, and they show in the scores and all of this type of shit and for the life of me, I haven't seen it. I heard what happened. I heard they let the let the picture stay in and then he walked a fucking guy and then there was a double, blah blah blah blah, and then there was a play at third and the fucking guy, you know, they looked at each other and then right throws the ball and the guy fucking takes off. It's a close play at the plate, the throw is a little, I've yet to see it. I just want to see

I like. So anyway, so I don't really know, I don't know what happened. All of that that I know was because actually not because of ESPN, it's because I talked to Paul Verzi this morning, who by the way is really excited that the Metz lost. I found during this series that he fucking, he hates the Metz, he hates the Metz fans, don't let them say anything differently, don't let them try to be a class act, I'm telling you. let him try to be a class act. I'm telling you, the running joke on the tour was Paul Versey wants no joy in Queens. Because we were all sitting there, I have a fucking, you know, Red Sox fan, I shouldn't like any team from New York. I don't give a fuck

right, it's a mess. You know, they haven't won it since 86. Fuck it, I don't care if they win it. So I wanted to see, I basically, I don't care if they win it. So I wanted to see, I basically, I wanted to see a seven game series is what I wanted to see. And, but Verzi was very silently rooting very hard against the Metz. And he wouldn't admit it. And he just, no, no, no, no, I don't care.

I just wanna see a good series. And we get just a little too excited when Casey would be coming back. So, um, and he was, I'm just sitting here, fucking babbling. I did miss Halloween this year. It was the first time I have not been at my house during Halloween, um, which I'm actually happy about because I told you where I live, I live in this weird area where it's like, if you go a little, live. I live in this weird area where it's like if you go a little, if you go to the right, it gets really nice. If you go to the left, there's like a check cashing place, like a block away. You know what I mean? And I'm sort of in the middle. So during Halloween, I get everything from

little snot nose rich kids to like what I had like a year ago with this fucking like, I don't know, 37-year-old dude showed up. He looked like a fucking homeless Jim Croci. He just fucking showed up, right? Big fucking mustache, Tom Selik's style. And he was just standing and I just opened the door. Oh, I know, no, he had some kids with him and they all left and he had a bag too. And he held the bag out and I just went really and he just goes, yes, I Go really or something like that seriously just goes yes

And I just fucking gave what was I gonna do? I was joking in Chicago. It's like I got a give it to me knows where the fuck I live right? That's the thing you can't fuck people over on Halloween. They know what you live They're gonna do something they're gonna walk down your fucking thing. They're gonna fucking punch your mailbox. They pulled a little flag off of it. You know, you're gonna make some fucking, I don't know, plant out of the ground,

which I don't give a shit. Right? It's not fucking making me any food. What do I need it for? Well, because the exhale oxygen shut up. We get it. So anyways, dude, I am completely shot from that tour. I am so fucking exhausted. And it isn't from the shows. The shows were great. The people were great. The venues were great. but my fucking drank every single night for fucking two weeks.

And every night I was like, yeah, I can't do it. I can't do it. And that was the joke. The joke started to become before we showed. We would just be going like, all right, man, tonight we're just going home, going home early, we're just fucking getting eight hours workout, right? Maybe find a spa, we'll take a steam, have a nice fucking healthy breakfast, everybody's nodding, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then fucking somebody finishes their set

and they just got the devil in their eye when they come off and then they would look at me and I would just start laughing. And the next thing we go out again. So we're in Chicago. My kind of town, Chicago is a bunch of mustaches, Chicago is. Actually, I didn't see a lot of them. Michigan Avenue with all those shops.

20 hairy, carry restaurants, which was the original. So anyways, we ended up going out one night. I'm trying to piece this together. This is the drunkest I've been in like fucking 10 years. We went out to this bar called the Liars Club. And it was like a bar that basically a bunch of bands hung out at, and we fucking get in there. And I don't plan on doing any fucking damage whatsoever, right? Friend of mine lives in town, she's a photographer,

she came down to take some pictures, right? She brings her crew of people, we go out and just fucking get into the bar. And I don't know, I don't know what happened. They fucking go kind of music to you like. And I say, well, I like it. And the Barton Xago, how about AC DC, right? And they just played like all the shit you never fucking here. All the shit you never hear. Everybody always plays you shook me all night, although somebody did play you shook me all night long. They played like kicked in the teeth, down payment blues, houses on fire. They played shit off power edge, flick of the switch,

flick of the switch, side to a highway to hell. Dude, and me and Bartnik were going fucking nuts. Like, Verzi was an angel that night. He barely drank. He just said he wanted to go home. He was just sitting there. And like at one point Bartnik, who's like the size of like fucking camneli, right? He's fucking doing the angus,

Chuck Berry thing going across the bar people are going fucking nuts and Everybody just kept buying shots and like an asshole. I just kept doing them I think I threw down like nine or ten shots while I was drinking whiskey, so I was like chasing whiskey shots with whiskey and You know you wouldn't think that you could go out on dance floor and dance to AC DC but God damn it I did it. Oh and did I pay for it? I fucking paid for it and then I you know by the end of the night I vaguely remember leaving the bar. leaving the bar. It might have been the best night of the fucking tour. We had so much fucking fun. Versa actually said like he was sitting there because he wasn't even drinking. He

was going like I actually was enjoying you and Bartnik putting on a clinic on how to have fun in a bar. He was like dude you guys will go and I don't even remember this. He goes you guys were like head banging. He's like, but you're air drumming on the bar. And then next thing you know me and Bartonick are both out on the dance floor dancing to AC DC With this stupid disco ball going around us. It was like if it was a movie it would have been like Versa was saying would have been like the montage scene of when me and Joe become best friends before like we fucking montage scene of when me and Joe become best friends before like we fucking

For something whatever happens Sensing you know what you remember the naked gun You remember the naked gun when Lesnie Nielsen and Priscilla Presley are doing all the shit running down the beach coming out of platoon laughing their asses off It was basically that it was that that's That's what we did. And the next day, like, I fucking woke up, you know, still in my clothes, in my bed. And like, I had all these plans. I'm in Chicago. I'm in one of the greatest cities in the country. And I had all these plans of what I was going to do. And I swear to God, like, I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't get out of bed to like fucking three in the afternoon. I was going to do and I swear to God like I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't get out of bed to like fucking three in the afternoon. I was like what I'm a fucking idiot. And then at five o'clock I went down. I went downstairs and I try to get something. I

was no wait. Versa came up to my room. Versa came up to my room and we would just sit and have fucking watchin' TV. And he was just laughing at how fucking, just beat up O. As, you know, and of course he felt great because he was a fucking angel at night. And I, we ended up watching something on TV. One of the sickest stories ever, and we're like, dude, this has to be a fucking movie.

And of course, in the end, they said that they were gonna turn into a movie was basically about this guy right it was this fucking show about serial killers so of course we're gonna watch it and i'm sitting there in a fucking burger you know just trying you know grease always fucking offsets the fucking alcohol awful i'm not a shape again guys is what i'm trying to say

so watching this thing about fucking serial killers. And the whole time, they're talking about this drug dealer kid. And we're like, how the fuck does this, and they keep showing this serial killer guy? It's like, does, and they're showing the drug dealer older, and not in jail and all that shit going, what the fuck happened? There's the way they put it together. It was you're riveting. You're like, what the fuck happened? You know, just the way they put it together,

it was you riveting, you know, like what the fuck is going on here? So basically what happened was there was this kid, right? He played football, they called him the assassin because every game he ever played, he took somebody out, right? Was it the assassin? Was that Jack Tatum?

Jack Tatum. Now I forget, it was something like a sasset. He fucking, uh, and just movie star, good looks. All right. And he's the star of the football team. And the lady sitting there interviewing him going, as he's walking around his high school going like, so you were, uh, you were basically a legend here. And he goes, yeah, I was was he wasn't me in arrogance and yeah he goes they retired my jersey

they had like pictures of me up on the wall and all that blah blah blah all the women loved them I mean this guy was just like it was he looked like a movie starring his life was a movie so his big Achilles heel was he didn't have money. And he wanted to keep up with the rich kids. So he started dealing drugs and he ended up being really good at it. And by the time he was like 20 years old, this fucking guy was making like a million dollars a year. Crushing it, right? He's got a fake, you know, wall in his walk and closet where he's got another room where he's keeping all the money in a safe.

He's throwing all these fucking crazy parties and it almost seemed like this American greed type story as opposed to this serial killer thing. They keep going back to this serial killer fucking piece of shit who's killing these girls. These teenage girls. So long story short, he's laying in bed one night and he's just thinking, I gotta get out of this life. I'm so sick of looking over my shoulder. I can't do this anymore. How am I gonna get out of this? But he's addicted to the money, he's addicted to the life and all of that type of stuff. And he is just rattling on the door and I'm thinking, oh, fuck, it's the serial

killer. And he obviously fought the guy in one what the fuck happens right all the sudden the door fucking blasts open and all these fucking was it is it the ATF that shows up when you get busted as a drug dealer now it was that alcohol tobacco farm I don't know what the fuck it is so anyways they fucking come FDA food drug administration the transit Chicago transit authority I don't what the fuck is whatever the fuck that thing is, they come fucking blastin' through the door, run up, you know, a bunch of guys with the fucking minor helmets on, with the fucking Uzies from a Steven Saga movie.

Go get on the ground, you fucking look at me, I'll blow you fucking head off! And the whole thing was over. And he disgraced his family name. And they never said it it but I imagine they probably took his fucking pictures down off the high school and all of that type of shit you know did some OJ shit right take all his trophies and all that fucking shit so it's over right so then he's sitting in jail and they try to get him to flip and this is kids just some fucking kid from the suburbs. Right? So I'm thinking,

well, he's out. He must have ratted somebody out. So he doesn't rat anybody out. He's like, I'm not telling on anybody. So then they're like, all right, we'll fuck you. So now we're, you gotta help us out. We're gonna fucking give you, you know, the full extent of the law. We're gonna prosecute you. So they gave him 10 years. The guy gets 10 years. He's in like a minimum security because you know, he didn't really have any violent pastor or anything. He was just getting people addicted to drugs. That's all he was doing. So his dad is devastated and all that shit and he goes to jail. And meanwhile, the serial killer guy is out there killing these

girls. So I'm taking what the fuck away and they keep going to commercial mean verse you look at me and start going how the fuck are they going to tie this fucking thing together. So long story short, they ended up catching the serial killer guy. I forget how we fucked up but they ended up catching him in one of those things where you seem like relieved and all of that type of shit. And but he had this thing where he wouldn't admit to all of them. And if he came at him, he would just clam up and wouldn't say shit.

So he ends up going to jail for like either one or two murders for life he's never fucking getting out. So meanwhile, there's all these parents whose daughters were killed by this guy and they don't know where they are. And all they just wanted is the body. They want fucking closure and these parents are just tortured by this fucking thing. All right. So they're trying to figure out because he won't talk to them, he won't tell them anything and he's also in denial and he keeps going like, actually I didn't kill him and blah, blah, blah, blah and then one day be like, oh, I did and I blacked out, I don't

remember like the guy was just a fucking creepy goddamn mess, right? So they end up coming up with this idea that they need a charismatic person to talk to this, to befriend this serial killer, gain the guy's trust and maybe he'll tell him where like the bodies are and that type of shit. So they go to this fucking dude, Captain America, you know, the football player, the movie star-looking guy, who fucked his whole life up because he got involved in drugs, right? And they approach him to go from his minimum security, to go into a maximum security prison with his murderous rapist animals, fucking maniacs, right? And you know, to go in there and they said, if you get this information out, we'll take your sentence and we'll just wipe out the rest of it, we'll set you free. He'd already

done like three, four years. So meanwhile, Captain America's dad had a series of strokes, you know, and was basically going to die and he had to go see him. I mean, it's like a fucking movie. So he goes, all right, fuck it. I'll do it. But I want an in writing that you're definitely gonna let me go. So they say, yeah. So they go, all right, he goes, here, they go, here's the deal. We don't want you to approach him for at least six months.

Because he's very caging if you fucking, you know, come at the guy the wrong way. He just fucking walls himself off and that's it. All right. So this kid comes, he goes and he goes, fine, cool, he walks in there, he's like, I don't have six months, my dad's gonna die within the first two months. Two, I'm sorry, first two hours, he goes into the fucking jail and he fucking on purpose accidentally bumps into the guy. And then he immediately apologizes, goes, I'm sorry about that buddy. I didn't see you standing there.

Hey, he goes, I'm new here. Do you know where the library is? And the guy tells him where the library is and he goes, thanks man. And he said something in effect of, yeah, you're a good guy. It gives him a little slap on the shoulder. That's it.

And goes to the fucking library. And they set it up where his fucking His cell was right across the hall from the other guy And he says to him he goes, hey man, he runs into him again. Hey, where you staying blah blah? I go, that's crazy You anywhere I'm right across. He's out. It's good to be with a good guy like you blah blah right across to me each other and He goes so then fucking the serial killer guy One day goes, hey, fucking the serial killer guy, one day he goes, hey, you wanna get lunch with me and my friends. And at this point, me and Versi,

we're fucking laughing our balls off, going like this kind of social shit happens in prison. Like, hey, some friends of mine, gonna have some other murderers and serial killers. We're gonna get some, maybe get some, you know, a frappin' fuckin' rap or something you want to come down just kinda hang out i meet you down the commissary you always think it's all just getting shanked and

trying not to get raped right so you go yeah cool so long story games this guy's fucking confidence and one time he actually goes in and he sees the guys got a map with all these red dots on it knowledge it he's trying to get to it blah blah blah so the So the guy starts opening up and he finally ends up telling them this fucking stories of all the women that he killed and all of that shit. And sort of kind of mentioned, he gave him like sort of enough information about where the bodies were and the Captain America guy kind of fucked up because once he got the information he thought he had enough information to

find all the bodies and get himself out of prison and he just couldn't oh wait I forgot the best part I'm sorry there's gonna be like a Tarantino movie now we're gonna jump backwards another way he gained the guys conference was one day they were sitting in the TV room watching TV. He sit next to this guy and this big fucking giant dude just gets up and turns the channel without talking anybody. And as he turns the channel, the serial killer who was like a meek little guy and he just kind of went, he just sort of set out loud to nobody who was like, And he just kind of went he just sort of set out loud to nobody was like, hey, I was watching that

Like powerlessly really fucking weird psycho thing and the fucking Captain America dude walked up to the big dude and knocked him out Just beat the guys ass hit him with an uppercut fucking forearm shiver and just sent this guy flying through some chairs and then they stuck him in the hole That's what happened and then when he fucking comes out. Tell me it doesn't sound like a fuck. I don't even believe it So that's when he gained the guys conference that's when the dude told and the second he tells them This dude Captain American couldn't hold it in anymore And he goes, dude, you know what you're a sick fucking piece of shit blah blah, and flipped out on him. And then the serial kill just backed up and he goes, he goes, who sent you? And he goes, so and so sent you, writing, he named the prosecutor.

And then he just fucking disappeared. And the map disappeared, too. So then it's like they didn't get the map. So there was a thing we don't know where the fucking bodies still are, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you got him to admit to these fucking murders. So we know that the women are at least dead, blah, blah blah blah, but you got him to admit to these fucking murders. So, we know that the women are at least dead, blah blah. He basically, then he did enough where he got out. And the whole time we were watching this fucking thing, we were just going like, this is a

fucking movie. Now, I guarantee you, when they do the fucking movie, they don't even need to add any mustard to it. But I guarantee you, in the movie, he won't flip out in the end. You know, or if he flips out, but then he's somehow, and then that'll be the last little like kick up like, oh, no, they didn't find the map in the movie. He'll find the map. And then the parents will actually get closure, but in real life, you know, it's not a fucking moving and sucks. But in that unbelievable, that's like a, it's so fucking nuts. Like at

one point, they were visiting his old house and he showed he goes yeah I used to live here I used to live here at all these cars I threw like a fucking 20 kegger here one night and he goes up into the room and he shows the secret place where his safe is and you know those fort knocks fucking things it's just I don't know man it was fucking an incredible story whatever whatever I don't know, man. It was fucking an incredible story, whatever, whatever I don't have for them. Fucking glorifying God damn drug dealer, right? Isn't that what I'm doing?

And in the end, I know you guys wanted a happy ending. There wasn't a happy ending because he fucking, he kind of screwed it up in the end, but they still let him go though. Just sort of odd, right? You notice this weird and uncomfortable to watch at this point. You know, all these videos they show where there's cops beating up black dudes and all that type of stuff.

You know, it's really weird is to watch white kids fucking with cops. Like I saw one kid was doing this thing where he was drinking a beer where you weren't supposed to drink a beer. He did like a magic trick and the cop was, you can't drink here and he keeps fucking drink, keeps drinking and then he ends up putting it in the bag and then the fucking bottle disappears. He was like a magic trick and the cop was you can't drink here and he keeps fucking drink keeps drinking Then he ends up putting it in the bag and then the fucking bottle disappears. He was like a magician And it's just like you know that made me miss the shepal show Because he would have done a sketch about that And I want to show the black guy trying to do the same thing where he would get like a third into the trick and the fucking bottle would be smashed over his head

I Don't know and I usually don't go for that whole fucking you know if this person does this but if that person does that I mean I've just seen some of those videos and I'm not saying all cops are bad. You know it's like comedians you know that we're not all hacks. We don't all have lampshades on our heads. We're not all on off stage and have to be the center of attention. However, when people think that about it, I don't, about comics, I don't sit there, scratch in my head, head wondering where that stereotype came from. You know what I mean?

That's my only thing with groups of people is like, you know, when you're talking about the stereotype to people, it would really help someone who's not in your stereotype. If you, if you at least acknowledged where it came from, like me, German, German Irish, so I get Nazi alcoholic, fucking lunatic, right, whatever, whatever, all of it is potato wheat and jackass, mass murder and psycho. Now, do I like hearing that shit? I mean, I guess I don't give a fuck but You know, I you know, it's easy for me to say I don't give a fuck cuz it doesn't affect my life I don't walk into a job interview and the girl look at this fucking Nazi red-headed cunt We're not hiring. I guess they know what bug me more

All right, you know what fuck that whole point fuck that whole point. I guess I need to listen to people But just some point, You know what I mean? It was like I feel like 9-11 when they were doing like the at the airport where they were like anybody even remotely look middle Middle Eastern. They would just fucking, you know, give them the fucking, uh, they give them the business. And then people were getting mad. It's just like, are you even remotely going to address? What the fuck happened? You're going to act like you don't know where this is coming from? 3,000 people just fucking died That was a joke I was doing in my act. I was like, you know what? If fucking 18 redheads flew to fucking Bill planes into the World Trade Center and knocked them down And I went to the airport. Yeah, I wouldn't like being at and frisked every time

But I wouldn't be sitting there going, where is this coming from? I Know where it's coming from and at some level as much as it would be fucking annoying me that those airport cunts were treating me like that, just because of the way that I looked, at some point I would address the 18 redheads that fucked it up for me. Fucked it up for me, right? Does that make any sense? Probably does it. All right, let's do some reads for this week, everybody. All right, let's get back to it. Why did you conk out on me? Why did the internet conk out on me? How dare you? How dare you? Um, and now this won't move. Why won't you move? I'm doing what I'm

supposed to do. This is how you drag something. Alright. What do I want to talk about? Okay, oh, the Bruins. Here we go, Bruins. Here we go, Bob, Bob, 601. The 601, basically, you know what happened? Not only did they start to get to know each other as players, I stopped watching them. And ever since I haven't been watching, they've been winning. We've gone 601. The only blemishes when we played the

Philadelphia, the flyers. Yeah, they came back and fucking tied it up and then they closed Jarrou one and fucking overtime. But other than that, 601 one, would you look at that and all dawned Swini? Who I was I said at the beginning of the year, I'm like, this guy, the moves, this fucking guy made. All right? This guy is either going to be the next Bill Bellachek or he's going to be fucking run out of town because this guy went all in. It's just every fucking thing seems to be falling in place.

I know it's really early. It would be ridiculous for me to get overly excited about this because when they were over oh and three I Didn't freak out You know, I was like they look in competitive. They just keep fucking up a little bit About halfway through the game and it became the third period now that kind of nailing it down. So hopefully this is what they're gonna be doing But now, you know, but maybe he's more like the Theo Epstein. I have no idea. All I know is what they're gonna be doing. But now, you know, maybe he's more like the Theo Epstein. I have no idea.

All I know is that we're competitive, and I was sitting there looking like, we're gonna lose to the fucking Canadians every game again this year, and all of a sudden now, you know, who knows? Who knows? We'll see what happens, right? Lucic got his first goal for the fucking King.

Still bugs me to see him in that uniform. But we got the Dallas stars tomorrow night. Dallas stars, Jamie Ben, Tyler, Sagan, Patrick, Shap. Dude, how many fucking like former Bruins? And certainly black hawks are playing on number one lines around the fucking league. Look at a fucking Winnipeg with Blake Wheeler. Right? Blake Wheeler up there on Winnipeg. We got Tyler Sagan and fucking Dallas. I guess Luke Cheach isn't playing on the number one line. Is he? No, I don't think

he is. But you know what? That's the greatest thing about going a daily face off my favorite fucking website now. You know, and they don't pay me to advertise. For the love of fucking Christ Bill, can you learn how to drag a goddamn window here? All right, and they also have, I didn't realize that fucking Dallas,

also has Jason Spetson from fucking Ottawa. Is this second line center? Who knew that? I didn't realize that fucking Dallas, also says Jason Spetson from fucking Ottawa is the second line center. Who knew that? I didn't know that. Did you know that? Hey, what fucking team was I just talking about? Do you remember? Oh, the Kings, the Los Angeles Kings,

the LA Cunts, where the fuck are they? Here we go. Line combinations. He is. He's first line, left left wing with Jeff Cata in Tyler Tafoli. Oh, they broke up that 70s line. Who would have thought they got copatars the center on the second one right now. You like Jesus Bill. How much hockey are you watching? I'm not. I'm not. I go to I just go to daily face off and

you look, you click on line combinations and you can do it Jesus. How fucking deeper they Their first lines loot each Carter and to Foley their second line is Pearson Copa And Dustin Brown Whenever I watch the king I actually like the Kings Unfuckin believable Do you want me to make me happy about seeing the Kings this loaded is it makes me? It gives me hope that the Canadians will not win a cup again this year even though they're playing fucking great But anyway, so get the fucking Proids

came right back around Hung in there and I got all those games tape so I got to watch them and I'm ridiculously excited to watch I hung in there and I got all those games taped so I got to watch them and I'm ridiculously excited to watch the Dallas Stars game because they're fucking, you know, they're one of the best teams all of a sudden. I've always been a fan of green and white. Come on, a muscle-dex fan, right? So anyways, let me plow ahead. Another great thing that I did while I was out in Chicago is I went to arguably the greatest drum shop in the country, VIX Drum Shop and it is this

basically giant, it's a combination drum shop and like studio space and I lost try, I think there's like four floors to it and it almost looked like what it used to be is you know like the one of those places you just storage space You know those things are really weird like the way they set them up And as those narrow hallways and you walk down them There's all of that type of stuff. So he kept all the rooms and he just sort of combined rooms and Put in windows so you could see through and he has like just this symbol room. He just has like fucking and he has like total anal like he has every fucking high hat you could think of and he has him in alphabetical order. So I don't

know all the drum names but he starts with like DW and then it ends with Yamaha. Every fucking kind you could possibly ever fucking want the remote the remote cabled ones everyone you can think of he had this DW double pedal that I had never even fucking seen before they look like a piece of jewelry but in glass he had another area where it was just all all acoustic drums then he had this whole area. There was all electronic drums He had upstairs. He had these two monster fucking kits like Terry Terry bosio type shit I

Went over there with a friend of mine. He let her play on and let me play on it. It was just it was fucking insane It was fucking insane. It was fucking insane. And I went into one of his drum rooms. It's nice and clean. The drums were all tuned up. They sounded fucking great. And what killed me is I could have been going down there every fucking day, playing drums when I was in Chicago instead of being laid up fucking hammered. I got so drunk at the Liars Club and if you think I'm not going back there again and doing nine shots and dancing the AC DC it's over like I tell you right now, Vicks Drum Shop it fucking Liars Club I'm hitting those every time I go to town. Although next

time I'm gonna bring the lovely Na, you know, Chicago is a That's it. Yeah, I got all kinds of family out there and you know one of the big thing all the men on Both sides of my family's would always take their wives down in Michigan Avenue by shoes or whatever like throughout all of the last century So that's something that I have to do at some point. I got gotta take, I gotta take me down there and buy or something. But I could not have had a better time, and I have to tell you right now, if you're a fucking drummer, I don't give a fuck where you live. If you're anywhere there in the Midwest,

if you're in fucking Des Moines, I don't wanna hear you bitchin' about the fucking, the ride. Like if you're gonna make a major purchase, if you're gonna go buy a bunch of new symbols and all of that type of shit, I'm telling you get in your fucking car, drive to Chicago, go to Vicks, and I'm telling you that guy he has everything. He had Ziljan, he had Sabian, he had pasty, pasty, pasty, I would say that, mine only had fucking, he had it all. Every fucking high had high had just it was insane. It was fucking It was actually like and he was going over he had a percussion room He was he was going over the whole fucking thing

It was like it was like sensory overload. I almost had to try to be like He had like a whole fucking all all these snares this whole room was just all snare drums He had like a whole fuck all all these snares this whole room was just all snare drums Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of fucking stuff. You might have money. This guy has invested in just a fuck just to be carrying That that amount of inventory Another cool thing he had he had a whole tabletop This giant table almost like an island that you'd have in like a big kitchen That whole the whole tabletop the surface was made out of that material that's a practice pad.

So like literally like 20 drummers could stand around it and I'll be just trying out sticks and that was of course in the stick room. I can't even like the whole fucking thing was just it was just from top to bottom, it was most insane fucking place I've ever been to. And I was just like, hey man, I wanted to play, you know, if I wanted, how much you charge for studio time? He's like, hey, like 15 bucks for an hour. I can go play in a kit.

You know, while I'm on the fucking road, that would have been the greatest thing ever. So that's my one regret is that I didn't do that three days in a row and get three hours better on drums or who's getting who I probably gone if it to. You got to do at least two, right? The first hours practice and all the shit you suck at. And then the second hour is just playing it all your favorite songs, fantasizing that you're in the band. I don't think that's weird.

I think that's normal for me to do. Pushing 50 years of age. So anyway, so I got the big Philly gig, the big Philly gig coming up this weekend and Friday night and I was going to be me, Paul Verzi and Joe Maderee's Philly native and we're going to be coming in there. So I've been asking the good people of Philly where I should go to get my fucking G-Stake, you know, because tourists like me, going out to G-Nose and the other fucking place, whatever they are. So I've been getting all these ideas from people and the overwhelming winner. All right, this is like an election. So you're going to know who's winning. And if you guys think I'm making a mistake, you got to send me a tweet. The overwhelming winner, as far as not going to those two places

is John's rose pork and Philly. Now, I know right now everybody in Philly either went like nuts like yes. I should say people from Philly listening to this, either went like psyched and I'm going there or then I'm going to get a bunch, I don't fucking go then I play sucks. So overrated, I went there and we fucking drive. So John's roast pork Philly, I mean that sounds delicious. So I think that that's where I'm going to go. That's where I'm going to go after the show. I'm going to go over there, I'm gonna go after the show. I'm gonna go over there, I'm gonna stand and fucking line.

As of right now, unless somebody tells me, unless enough people tell me differently, that's where the fuck I'm going. Um, that's where the after party's gonna be. I'm gonna go out and get a fucking cheese steak and you know what, I can't fucking wait. I can't fucking wait. That's gonna be great.

I just fast forwarded in my life. So anyways, but like I said, I'm gonna try to be a good boy here this whole week. I'm gonna be working out doing all that type of shit. I gotta get my ass back in shape. I put on probably like seven or eight pounds over two weeks. Maybe not that much weight. It just feels like I did. But you know what, I'm gonna, I'm in town here for a good four or five days before I have to go back out again, and I'm just gonna eat perfectly and work out. That's what the fuck I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. And I think just from just literally not drinking at this point, that alone will be enough for me to drop a couple this week. So if I drop a good, you know, three, four before I do the Madison Square Garden, well, I should be happy, right? All right. So there you go. So that's the, oh, did anybody see that fucking giant saints game? Did you see the giant

saints games? Someone was fucking insane games I've ever seen in my life. One quarterback throws for seven, drew breeze, Eli throws for fucking six. Did you just fucking, you want to see, every time I watch the Giants, there's something that reminds me, not every time, but a lot of times it reminds me of losing Super Bowl to them. That fucking drive that they had, the football gods love Eli. I don't ever want to see that guy again in the playoffs. He fucking comes down the field, right? They're threatened.

They're down by, what were they down by? They were down by 14 at that point. It was like 42, 28. Nobody had even attempted a fucking field goal at that point, I believe. So probably hadn't punted either. So they fucking, whatever, they call it pass play, he drops back to pass. Somebody comes right up the middle, fucking drills the guy, he fumbles the ball, saints recover. There's like 13 minutes left or 12 minutes left. It's not the nail in the

coffin, but like if the saints drive down and fucking score a touchdown or even kick a fucking feel goal, there are three scores up with probably nine minutes left. They are ridiculously comfortable at that point. All right, the defense will probably be a little deflated because they sense it too. The Saints will be on their toes. You know, just a game changer, right? Football God step in.

Football God step in once again and they called some tiki-tac horshit fucking defensive holding right on the saints which gives the fucking giants the ball back and keeps the drive going gives them like a fucking first down they get all the way down to the end. They're on the goal line. Eli goes back to pass. Here comes the fucking rush and he's rolling out. They should have sacked him, but they didn't. He's rolling out and I know what's gonna happen.

He's gonna throw the ball and somehow it's gonna land in some giant hands. So he throws the ball back across his body, running right throws it back left with barely anything on it classic bread far six interception game throw Throws the fucking thing. It's gonna be a pick But the guy on the saints miss times is jump

Gets hit by another saint lands on his fucking head and gets a concussion and this fucking duck by another saint lands on his fucking head and gets a concussion and this fucking duck just lands into the hands of a giant for a touchdown. I've never seen a guy, the horseshoe that is up this guy's fucking ass. I just I do that. I was like that, that's right there. If we play them again, that's how we will lose. We'll lose to him just like that. Exactly to a fucking tea. I don't know what it is. He that guy has the fucking magic and this is nothing too Now that I'm saying this and being a whiny cunt fucking Patriot fan that guy also made some some fucking sick ass throws He's definitely I'm not showing a guy. I fucking love him. I think he's the shit, but I've never seen a guy

Fuck up so many times and and and does not pay the price for it Maybe I need to watch him more or maybe I'm still just so fucking rattled from those two fucking Oh my god when we are undefeated when he threw he threw a peck to a saunt a Samuel it hit him in both hands The guy just drops it hit him in both hands. The guy just drops it. Then he throws behind his fucking receiver. The guy reaches back over the Patriot guy's arm and catches it with his hand and his helmet.

Fucking, I mean, just, anybody else that being incomplete past, you fucked up as a quarterback. Or it would be a pick, I'm telling you. I've never fucking seen it. It's insane. I've never fucking seen it. It's insane. I never wanna see that guy. If we play the Giants in the Super Bowl this year, I'm telling you right now, I'm not gonna watch it.

Or I'll watch the first three quarters, and then I'm just walking away, and I'm gonna stand outside my party, and just waiting for the screams of agony. I know it's gonna happen, and I'm like, what the fuck?'m just gonna fucking I'm just gonna walk away But I walk away. I'm not gonna watch ESPN for like a month I'm the I you know, I might even take a month off from my podcast. I didn't want to fucking see it

I'm telling you this guy he sold his soul something happened. Isn't that right Cleo? Come here get away everybody Get up on the couch What do you say to your buddy? Huh? What do you say? You never do the fucking moment I give you the hug she does this thing I come up she give her a hug She goes You stink buddy, you know that I'm gonna give you a bath. You want a bath? No, there's the look. Why don't dogs like it in baths? You know what I mean? They hate the process, but then afterwards they fucking freak out.

I can't tell if it's because they feel good or they just psyched at it's over, but it's almost like watching a junkie just keep using rather than just going, if you just go through a little bit of misery, you know, you're gonna be all right. Huh? Wow. All right, let's read some letters. Clear, you wanna chime in on some of these? All right, cross country lady. Hey, man, get near up here. She hasn't done the podcast in a minute.

Hang on one second, hold on. Well, no such luck. Thought she was downstairs. Where is she, Cleo? All right, cross-country lady, Bill, I'm a 25-year-old girl. You're a woman. You're a lady. I'm pretty responsible and competent and don't wind like some brudds over there. I'm not one of those girls who can say they know how to change a tire, but I've done enough that I think I could if I had to. Yeah, you can change a tire. You got to change a tire, but you know, nobody can change a fucking tire with the factory

jack that they jack handle that they give you. You can't get enough fucking torque unless you're just some fucking, you got those pop-up I forearms. What you really need is you just need a little piece of pipe that you can stick over. You know, you loosen the lugs while it's still on the ground. Then as you go to jack it up, you stick your spare underneath the tire and then the fucking frame in case it comes crashing down, that's supposed to save you but the fucking thing so goddamn small now it doesn't

matter. All right, you take the fuck off, you put the new one on, all right, you put all the fucking lugs on, that You put in your pocket or in a place that you didn't, none of them rolled away. And then you lower the car back down and then you tighten and you go. It's the easiest fucking thing ever. All right. All right, that's the attitude.

Right on a somewhat related but unrelated note, I'm looking to drive across the country. I'm moving to Los Angeles from Rhode Island. My parents are cool and trust me, but they have their concerns about me driving by myself. Yeah, absolutely. You've seen this great country from all your touring. I suspect early on in your comedy career, there was more driving than flying. Absolutely, there was. Do you have any advice or warnings against me doing so? I would take a week or so and pick out some different stops. I drive a 2003 Black Volvo station wagon.

It's ready to go so my, what are your thoughts? PS, thanks for checking in on a Sunday. It really means a lot. All right, my advice would actually be to maybe do it with somebody else, just because especially it depends on where you're staying. As a woman going out there by yourself, I would definitely stay at nice hotels, enough underground parking, just really well lit places. Don't do what I did where I fuck, I drove across country in about two and a half days one time. My teeth, my

big square 1990s TV in the back and I would just pull up to shitty hotels and I would just sleep in the car because I didn't want to drag all my shit out of the car into the things. So I just slept there like a fucking idiot someone sort of broke the window by the time I Wriggit up realize what was going on my throat would have been slit so I would I would do it with somebody else If you're gonna go during the winter time you want to get south as quick as you can Maybe go across the 40 a Nina you want to come on the podcast? Oh, you need breakfast. Can you say hello to everybody? So I would maybe do the 40 as opposed to the 70

The 70 is beautiful when you drive across I believe that one it goes it'll actually go south to Pittsburgh, but you go through I believe that one it goes it'll actually go south of Pittsburgh, but you go through Like I actually my favorite part of the 70s actually when you first pick it up Is that the 15 the 15 goes up and meets the 70 from the west? Well, but why don't you take a fucking map out going through Utah? Like I got to reread it you know Los Angeles. Yeah, so if you take the 70 across Going through Utah Going through Vegas Going through the Rocky Mountains. This is amazing tunnel that you drive through As you get out towards Grand Junction and all of that. I will tell you what is a motherfucker is after I mean

You got to do the thing where you you You go through St. Louis. You know, and you see the arch, that's the shit. And it's cool, right until you get to Kansas City. Stop in Kansas City, get yourself some barbecue, and then just fucking settle in because Kansas is a motherfucker. That's a motherfucker trying to get through that thing. Although, you know, if the J-Hox have a game, I'd stop.

Maybe I, yeah, if you figure out shit that you want to do along the way, you can have a great time. But I got to be honest with you. If you were my sister or my daughter or whatever, I would not want you doing it by yourself. But if you are going to do it by yourself, just make sure you stay in safe places, keep you head on a fucking swivel. And I would also, uh, the second you get tired, pull over. I mean, get to your destination. Don't do the dumb shit that I did where you're almost like hallucinating. I got a buddy of mine, a comedian told me a story. He's the one who cured me of it. He

was fucking driving to the airport, nodding off like early in the morning. And the next thing he woke up, he was laying in a field. He got thrown from the fucking car and somehow just landed in the field and was okay. And he wasn't wearing a seatbelt, obviously. By the way, did you guys see that kid out here in Los Angeles? It's a poor kid, like 20 years old was driving Lost control of his car the thing was rolling. He got ejected out of the car And you know those signs on the freeway that the trucks that 18 wheelers can drive underneath without hitting

He went up hit that thing and landed you know sometimes they have a little walkway up there his body landed up there So I would say be careful, definitely be careful. What the fuck is all the rest of the questions here? For this week, that's what I would say. Oh, look who's here. You decided to show up, Cleo, for the love of fucking Christ, you got to do that every week. I can't get through the podcast without the thing

You just love on plug and shit don't you? All right, come in any help me with these last few these last few questions I Don't know what just happened to my head a bunch of questions and they all went away live content Oh, I don't even know when that one was from All right, here we go royals

You don't want to talk sports do you? Can you grab another microphone though? Yeah hang on let's see here You can plug it in Yeah, can you grab a microphone and I'll plug it in I think it's somewhere in my bag Either that yeah, we're probably up to share one. Sorry. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Sorry. Plugging in, plugging in. All right. With the magic of the pause button. Here we go. All right. Nia, we're going to talk sports with you. Oh, goody. The royals, where are they from? Cincinnati? Nope.

Wait, wait. Good guess, though. It's one of those cities. One of those so-called B-level cities. I don't know. Wait, wait. No, no, I don't know. They have great barbecue.

Kansas City? Bam. Billy Bats. I know you're touring, and you didn't get to see much baseball but I just want to say how much I like Harold Reynolds. You know Harold Reynolds, right? It's a huge difference having a guy who can explain baseball. I know baseball but it's the insight you want to hear. This was a great world series. Don't know what the ratings were but this was the best baseball I've

seen in a while. Despite the fact that the mets were lucky to be there based on their record and slow start to the season, what the fuck does that mean? What do you mean lucky to be there? You don't get lucky getting in the world series. You won the games you had to win. The royals played really excited baseball. Hits are more fun than home runs any day. Thanks for the podcast. All right. I guess he's just saying he likes Harold Reynolds. That's really not a question. No, I was like, you know, it was really cool was of course, you know, this to see George Brett excited like a fan when he saw him all run out, you know, the great George Brett last guy who came to closest to hidden 400. Okay. He had

400 like through August almost. He ended up with at 390. All right, Halloween drama. Here we go, Nini, you were home for Halloween. Yes, I was. Bill, you're really bringing it this week. You're really bringing it. You think any breakfast? Yes, I was. Halloween is a date in October. Yes, it is. Alright, Bill, I'll cut right to the chase. I was at a Halloween party and naturally, tons of girls were dressed scantily clad. My girlfriend's costume though, though a bit revealing was extremely tasteful compared to other brods. So I see this dude taking pictures of girls' asses and just being a creep about it. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I look at him as if to say what the fuck are you doing? He just walked away. A

couple minutes later I see him snapping a picture that was framing my girlfriend's tits. Albeit, they were covered and not hanging out. It was still a creep move. So I stepped in front of him and confronted him. He said, it's a party. Everyone takes pictures. A couple people looked at me funny like I was an overprotective douche.

What? The thing is, I opened my mouth before it even involved my girlfriend did I do something wrong? Of course not Well, and that's the thing about it. It's like I feel like It's women can say over and over again. Don't take pictures of me You know stop leering at me stop being a fucking disgusting perverted creep But it's gonna take guys like you and other guys to say to other guys, like, that's not cool.

Like, stop taking pictures of these girls unless they're like posing for pictures for you. Right. I think I think just of my girlfriend. I don't do that. I don't care if it's a party. I don't care. That happens to me one time.

I went to some bar club or something and I was dancing with my girlfriends and this dude came and was like trying a video, the entire thing of us dancing together and I was like, I just stopped and I put my hand in front of his face and I was dancing with my girlfriends and this dude came and was like trying a video the entire thing of us dancing together and I was like I just stopped and I put my hand in front of his face and I was like don't do that he was like oh you freaking out about my everyone's just like taking pictures is cool is cool I said no it's not cool you're not allowed to take pictures of me stop taking pictures of me and then finally he just kind of like turned away and I'm sure you go when you're in public he actually is a lot but you still just telling the stuff he is allowed he's sure you go when you're in public. He actually is a lot But you still just tell him the stuff he is allowed

He's allowed if you want you're in public you're considered in public and it's it's on you that doesn't but it doesn't make it okay It's the new cell phone area and it's I don't know but there's no rule that says you're allowed to just take it like there's no rule Say we can't do we need to talk about? Sorry, I knocked the plug out we're back here. Here's the thing there like With the cell phones now like all of that type of stuff you can tell something not to do it But they can't be prosecuted or anything for doing it once you're out in public You're considered in public and people can take pictures of you Like the paparazzi they just follow famous people, they take fucking pictures of them and everything,

they can't go like into their house or go under their property, then they're considered trespassing, but the second you walk out there. Well, here's my question to you. I don't think, obviously, I don't think that someone should fucking take pictures. That's definitely creepy,

but as far as the leering thing goes, do you think women have any responsibility as far as if you're going to go out there and dress suggestively? Do they have any responsibility? I think that if you go out and you're dressed in a revealing way, I think, yes, of course, naturally, people are going to look at you, but it doesn't give anybody the right to say nasty things to you or to touch you or to think that they just have.

I'm not talking about touching. I'm just saying somebody's staring at you. I knew you're going to get mad. No, I knew you're going to get mad. I'm just saying, like, it's like, if you don't want that to happen to you, right? And this is whatever the fuck I wanna wear. That's the bottom line.

So can I, I can walk down the street, make wearing a fucking suit made out of dollar bills, and then when I get hit over the head and mugged, I'm gonna be like, I should be allowed to blah, but there's like the way nobody wishes the world could be and the way it really is. I agree, but I don't think that anyone should feel like they have access to you on those levels

just because of what you're wearing. It's still not right. Absolutely, it's not right, but my fucking thing. So the same thing. I know, but my thing is, you know that there's creeps out there. You know that there's animals out there. Why would you put yourself in the crosshairs of them? Because I, well, because it's not

about them. It's about what you are the person you wear. Yeah. And so if I want to go out and wear something sexy because I'm feeling myself, then I'll go out and wear something sexy. And I would expect that people would look at me, sure. But what I expected to start like taking pictures and shit. No, I'm not saying pictures. I'm saying the leering thing. I expected them to start taking pictures and shit. No, but I'm not saying pictures. I'm saying the leering thing. Like as a guy, you're gonna get looks on the guy side of it, is when a woman shows up with their tits hanging out.

Okay, and you look at her tits, and then she gets mad, we're always like, well, fuck and put them away. And then it's always like, well, I should have a right to have my tits out. They're my tits, you know, and then we get yelled at, like, where these fucking lunatics. And it's almost like that in policing, that's like in

trapment. Well, I think that's, well, first of all, no one's fucking thinking about you, all right. You're not fucking Marion Barry. This isn't entrapment. OK, so yes, look, I'm not the type to show me. I'm standing there like, the entire time. It's like I start feeling fucking creeped out and weirded out and unsafe.

So have your luck and keep it moving. Okay, so that's definitely fair. Have your luck and keep it moving. I love it. That's the rule. So let me ask you this. But don't try to invade my space and try to get into my head and all that kind of shit. Like don't do that. Have your luck. Keep it moving. All right, here's my question for you. What's the difference? What's the time? We'll put a shot clock on this. You know, in the NBA, you got a 24 second shot clock.

The difference between having your look and leering. How many seconds before you a shot clock violation, you turn over the ball? I think anything beyond five seconds. Five seconds is a great look. Yeah, five seconds to do it. The old up and down, nice and maybe a little smile. Keep it moving.

All right, now that took less than five seconds even to describe all that. Well, I think you want to hear five seconds. I'll show you five seconds. He's looking in one, two, three, four think five you want to hear five seconds. I'll show you five seconds. He's looking in one two three four

Five so someone can look at you that long. Yeah, that's good. That's all right. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine You're a hot shit. All right five seconds Any ladies out there if you want to you want to add some time to that you want to shave some off There that is the kind of thing that the guys though because listen sometimes You know what the worst thing is when you're not a fucking pervert But the woman's gorgeous and she's wearing something so revealing and then she comes at you like you're a fucking creep And you just like you're wearing a cat suit Like what am I supposed to fuck and look? Okay

That's all right, that's all yeah, you can, it's like I keep saying look and keep it moving. That's it. You know what? You have to be this whole fucking thing where you're like staring and panting and by staring, you're trying to get my attention so that I react. It's like if you're going to stare, then I catch you staring. Just, sorry, it's for staring. You look beautiful. Thank you. Moving on. There you go.

And then what if he tries to talk to you? I mean, you know, what's he's supposed to do? You look good. He wants to fucking, you know. Thank you. Keep it moving. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

You can't. What if he wants to ask you to, what if, you know, what if you was single? Mm-hmm. I mean, you't. What if you want to say, I should eat it. What if, you know, what if you was single? I mean, you know what? Well, it depends. If I'm interested in like continuing the conversation or whatever, then yes, let's continue the conversation. But in all aspects, you've got to like wait for like the opening to appear. You can't just force the opening.

That sounds gross. Yes. What do you know what I mean? I don't know. opening. That sounds gross. Yeah. So no, no need. I don't we're like door to door sales, single guys, we just we have to like fucking just knock on the door. Yeah, how you doing up? I really like to have some effects. Okay, thank you. Hey, how you doing? Yeah, and that's the thing about it, it's like guys act like, you know, it's you know, it's not like the

fucking end of the world, like, you know, 10 seconds later, you're talking and looking at somebody else. So what is the big deal about moving on if there's not like the person saying, I like it. You have music, fucking great. I can't, I can't get mad at it. It's five seconds. Look, keep it moving. If I give you a look, like, I want to keep talking, these are really basic ideas. You know, it mean? It is. It's really basic. All right. But what's the talk to you that they'll continue talking to you? Oh, thank you so much.

Are you here with friends? And are that boom? And now let me ask you, say, if you haven't been out with a friend who's wearing something so revealing, and they're getting so much of that attention that complaining about it, have you ever said to him, like, well, maybe you should have put the girls away a little more.

You know, maybe you should have brought the garage door down a little bit more. No, you've never said that. No. I've never said that to any of my girlfriends. Have you ever thought it? You've have felt it? No. You've never had a roommate or a girlfriend just show up and be like, oh my God,

her hoo ha is almost peeking out from underneath that dress. This is a little taste. It's going to be a rough one. Like, you know, all these dogs, you never think that. I had to be honest with you though, I don't think that most of my girlfriends dress revealingly. Okay, so if you've seen something that you don't know,

have you seen something that you don't know? Show up at a club. Okay, with like, you know, body paint on and apparently pasties and just go like, Am I at carnival? Like, what is she doing? You know what I'm talking about. I'm just asking, do women also look at the woman?

Yes. And look at her and be like, what is that idiot doing? Yeah, probably. I think that's a yes, but for some reason, you're not going to give it to me because I'm a guy. Well, no, I don't think that's it. I think there's definitely been times where you're just like really girl really. Okay.

All right. And that's that's that's about it. All right. That's how big really girl really. Okay. Okay. That's fine. Okay.

That's not a good answer. I like it. I see a girl wearing shorts that are like like denim shorts that are basically fitting you like underwear. I feel like that's a little extra to have your ass hanging out. But if a girl wants to walk around with her ass hanging out, it's like I'm not, it doesn't trip me out, but I do personally feel like it's a little bit much.

And why is that? But I'm also getting older, so I'm getting a little bit more conservative. Because I don't need to see your ass cheeks girl, I don't need to see that. But it's not a lot of times. I will contribute that it's not it's not for me. It's not even necessarily for guys. It's for her. So despite how I might do that way, wait, despite the way I might feel about

how she's dressed, that is her decision to be dressed, how she's dressed. And guess what? It doesn't ruin my whole day. And it doesn't send me into this tailspin of like, oh my god, I don't understand. These girls are walking around half naked and I'm not supposed to look like, where, where? Five seconds. Keep it moving. No, but here's my thing. Do you understand how fucking ridiculous it is for what? To walk down the street with your ass hanging out? I do understand how ridiculous it is. I do think it's ridiculous. I think it's too much. But again, it's not my fucking thing to get upset about with somebody else wearing. You know what's funny?

It's not my business. That's when I drive down the street, being an ass man, if a woman has her ass hanging out, I'm psyched. I got like a free show. Yes, exactly. And is that classic thing, this classic thing where like,

how guys can't do that, there's nothing we can do like physically like that that makes you guys almost crash your car. This is a hacky joke, but if you're walking down the street with half our nut bag hanging out, you'd be like, ah, you be gross.

Yeah, because that's not sexy. We're random, I know, we're animals. I'm sexy, a woman's ass can be sexy, her breasts, her legs, her whole body. It's just like curvy and delicious and the whole bed. It's like a whole bag hanging out. Yeah. Disgusting. And you want to call the police. Yeah. Yeah. If it was a car, like the woman's like a Lamborghini or a Ferrari or a Porsche. Like how many women lashes do you know? Like have you ever heard of a woman like going into a place and exposing her genitals to like a room full of And we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like,

and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like,

and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like,

and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like,

and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, and we're like, the dark socks and just the raincoat on. And you just throw open your fucking coat, showing your flaccid dick or whatever. To me, and then people are horrified, like the reaction that you get. It's like traumatic, it's fucking weird.

But that's the funny thing about it, is that you would think that you were doing something because in the end, you wanted to get a positive reaction. But to fucking throw it open and people really repulse like, when you do that, looking at your naked body, the fact that they get off on that is fucking hilarious to me. It's so, it's, it's gross. It's just a dick. Just a dick outside, you know, much too free.

Yeah, it's like no, no, it doesn't. It doesn't want to be free, it know, most of you are free. It's like no, no it doesn't. It doesn't want to be free, it doesn't need to be free. Keep it tucked away and your little underpants. You know, I can understand most fetishes. That was the, for the life of me, I don't get what do you do? What do you do? And then you do that and then what? You jerk off to the screams, still ringing in your head. Is that what they do?

I don't know. I don't know. It's just, I don't even know if they do it. When I was on, I lived in the... I don't think that they do it. Like, I think Hollywood made it be the raincoat, because they couldn't show a dick on film for whatever reason. So, they just had the guy go like, that's the wood block all of it.

And you just see his naked legs and he was understood that he was naked. But I think really, it's for the most part, it's probably sweatpants. And they probably yank him down, and then they have it right underneath there, junk and they got it. You like when I was? All right, all right. Okay, that's gross.

I remember being in the New York cities of Waker, and this guy started masturbating in front of me, and I ran out and I was pretty much in tears. It was so upsetting, and it was just so It's like it's violating you know just someone staring at you is just being like why are you laughing? It's not funny It was really upsetting See you don't fucking get it. I know I think you should have laughed at him and pointed right at his Exactly what he wanted he wanted to like me to keep like

watching it and like, no, he wanted you to be fucking shocked that with, I don't know, either way, either, either way was just horrifying. And it felt like it felt terrible. It was like, it was, it was a, a real violation of me, you know, like you can't just like see a stranger and just start jerking off. Take a mental picture. Keep it moving. Get home and then rub one out. Yeah.

Say it for your for your dirty studio, Roach and Festive Department. Well, why just because he jerks off from the train doesn't mean he can't be successful. 9 to 5. I don't really care about his success. If he feels the need to jerk off and maybe he's one of those guys. He's like, you are not a success. You are a failure. I got to think afterwards after you've done doing it,

that kid's some point when you come home and you're brushing your teeth and you look yourself in the mirror, you got to be like, wow, I'm that guy, I'm that guy that jerks off the people on the trait. I'm sure they hate themselves and they should. Look at Cleo, have on the bed, have off. And I'm sitting over here, what do you want, what do you want from me? All right, Halloween, drama, okay. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hey, Breaking Bad Bill. Have you heard that a comedy club in New York might showcase Carlisle and prior holograms? Okay, I mean, I don't get that. That's fucking weird.

That's like a live wake to me. Why? I don't understand the point of it's so stupid. Just go home and go home and it's going to be material you've already seen. So all you got to do is you just go home and you just put in the DVD. I would like to have been there for that two-pack hologram at Coachella a couple of years ago. That would have been interesting only because, you know, you're probably like on a ton of drugs at Coachella and stuff like that.

So you're just like, like there are all these videos of people like recording it, you know, on the phone. And you hear people in the background going, I knew it! And people would be like, I told you, I told like he was actually alive and then they you know, on their phone. And you hear people in the background going, I knew it! And people were like, I told you, I told you, I told you he was actually alive, and they're like, oh no, wait, it's not what you're doing. No, you know what I don't like about it?

What I don't like about it is two-pock didn't agree to do the gig. He didn't agree on the money. Who owns the rights to his likeness? His mom probably. And she probably gave it the, okay. Can I tell you something? Oh, really? What is that? The after school special version version of entertainment I'll tell you right now I bet

I'm going right now in in the future in the future I bet all dead celebrities like like fucking scumbag people in this business will own their likeness they'll somehow trick their fucking next to whoever into fucking selling the rights to them and they'll still have these people touring and they'll put together like these these hologram fantasy teams and they'll make money off of these people and their loved ones won't get any of the cash. That's what I'm got. That's gonna be the lawsuit in the next 20 years that a dead fucking George Carlin went on tour and grossed $20 million

or something like that and none of his next to Ken got any money. And then some fucking little piece of shit will have no comment. Yeah. You don't think so? That's what I think about that. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don. I don. Yeah, of course you will. They're already fucking, they've been you, they started using them in commercials. They had like a dead John Wayne selling like fucking an Xbox or something. It's fucking ridiculous. All right, cross country. Watch them, here we go. Cross country, oh, I already did that one.

Oh, this lady said really quickly, she was saying she's 25 year old girl and she's going to be moving across the country. She's driving LA to Los Angeles she's driving the car by herself obviously get the toll fucking things be careful yeah right that's what I was saying I said she should do it with somebody else I mean yeah she'll be it she'll be able to handle it she'll be she'll be all right just be careful yeah just make sure that car is running perfectly and you know make sure you don't stop in any sketchy fucking motels

It always makes me think of your bed about Murderer's buffet. What did you call it serial killer buffet? The motels they just walked down where your door opens up to the parking lot Yeah, serial killer buffet. I'm killing this guy. I'm killing that guy. That one's all right Yeah, you stay in that fucking hotel from no country for old men All right legal zoom everybody. I do a couple of you know listen me do the reads and then sign off Sure, all right Legal zoom everybody somewhere on the line. I know I pissed you off and that the flasher thing. Mm-hmm. Did I?

No, I don't know just in general Just in general annoyance of me. Yep, but please, really? Read your ads. I come back off a two week tour, conquering fucking God and hero. I was so happy to have you. And within 24 fucking hours, you're already sick of me.

That's what you're saying. Unfuckin' bleep, you know what, Nia? If you ever leave me for the rest of my life, I'm just and me that guy, I'm gonna have dogs. I'm gonna have dogs and I'm gonna go down to a massage parlor every day get one rubbed out and I'm gonna be good for the rest of the day. Dogs and they fucking NHL package, tell my jokes. That's it.

Your lawyer goes to call me up and what is she what? What is old sweetie cakes one? Talk about that. Don't say that. You dumb bolla oatmeal. Is that all meals that sugar corn smacks? No, it's steel cut eats. We're no that has dried banana in it for some fucking reasons. All right, legal zoom. You don't like bananas. I don't like the texture. I hate when you say that. It's always a food that I like and then you go, why don't you like it? I don't like the texture. Hey, when you say that, it's always a food that I like. And then you go, why don't you like it? I don't like the texture. You're such a narcissist that I can't even

not like a certain food. And you get offended by it. Like, who do you care? I don't like bananas. I don't like. I don't like. I don't like. I don't like. Why, Bill? I don't like texture. I don't say that. It's a legitimate thing. I don't like the texture of banana. It feels weird in my mouth. It's not a so F***ing piece of food. Okay, texture can refer to things that aren't just like furniture furniture. Alright. I just hated it. I don't like the texture. Like you're some food critic. Just be happy God made it and eat it.

Good one. Legal sum. Say that. Say that something. Some day. Good. Legal zoom. Say that. Say that something. Some day. Legal. The afternoon. Yeah, you're gonna go you go meet God. You tell us. You know, it's my head a great time. Thank you for like, by the way, can you work in the banana thing? I didn't like the texture. This isn't like a human being. I'm a love. I'm like, I'm like, throwing a bunch of different combination. What do you mean? No?

Natural. So what? Like your weed, man. I don't have to like, weed oh, yeah, well, that's a good thing. Hey, it's good to see you. Yeah, you too It is good to see you psyched to be home Yeah, Jesus all right, I like how you shout into a microphone which is designed to project your voice No, I'm not I actually is I pulled my my head away I'm a master at using the microphone. If you actually took the time to watch one of my sets one time. Oh, please. And you watched the Evan flow. And you watched the Evan flow. The way I bring that crowd up. I push them away. Yeah, it's a real. I bring them back journey. It is. You take my dick jokes have three acts to them.

You know what, Neha? I was so excited to see you, and I still am, and for you to sit here coming back, and I'm not feeling the love from you. You still look cute, that knows, huh? Thank you. No, I'm excited to have you back. You've been gone for two weeks. That's great that you're home. You sound like you're reading a statement for an incorporation.

We are excited to have him back. I am. We are excited to have him back. I am. I'm excited to have you back. We still haven't gotten all the information, so we can't comment on anything else at this time. Right, exactly. You're going to have goddamn dog. That thing slept eight hours last night. I literally walked it around the block, gave it food, and it is just out like a light. It's right now people, it's on its dog bed. Three-quarter of its dog, its body is on the dog bed and then like its head and neck is off. Looks like it passed out. All right, that's the podcast for this week. Thank you to everybody for listening.

Hey, Neha, you're a huge cheese steak fan, right? I love cheese steak. I love cheese steak. I don't like we said that. It's my favorite sandwich. I felt like you were leering at it. Just look at the sandwich and keep it moving. I love cheese. It's my favorite sandwich in the whole world is a filly cheese steak. Do you have to say filly cheese steak or can you just say cheese steak? When you're in filly, say cheese steak, but when you're in, when you're in fucking France, you just order onion soup. You know, go, can I get French onion soup? They're like, well, you're in fucking France you just order onion soup You know go can I get French onion soup? They're like well you're in France you fucking idiot so everything here is gonna be French onion soup Actually, oh whatever okay

Everyone's telling me to go to John's roast pork And it doesn't that just sound good the name. Oh, it's a it's a place to eat. Yeah, because what are the two touristy places? It's Genos and what else? Oh, I forget. Geno and Robin and witches. Yep. Genos. Oh wait, Phil, yeah, there's the two right next to each other. Yeah, hang on, hang on. They're right next to each other. Yeah hang on hang on Geno stakes and And And then the other one I don't know how to look it up, and I can't do it with one fucking hand even but even those were good last time in verzy

With though we got we both got stood in line. He stood in one. I stood in the other We got one of each cut them in half and then oh did like a taste test yeah all right hot ten spots are you are you willing to reveal which one you liked better um oh pats all right so one of them had a better cheese I can never remember this shit do you get or I like the bread better I don't like whiz I like real cheese me too I like the real cheese look how fucking good this look this is think to you guys gonna stand out here they just don't have whizz. I like real cheese. Me too. I like the real cheese. Look how fucking good this look And this is thing two you guys are gonna stand out here. They just don't have good delis They can't make good so dry air or something they can't make good bread the sandwiches That up astronomy place that's supposed to be really good in downtown LA

I forget the name of it. They talked about it on that show the comedians Oh, okay, oh know with Josh Gatton. Yeah, you mean that fucking brilliant show that I absolutely loved it, they're not bringing back for some fucked up reason. Yeah, sucks. I love that show. Listen, I gotta, I gotta upload this because I gotta get on with the day here. Hour and 25 minutes. Huh? Did you stuck around? All right, everybody go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on Thursday. What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL edition for week number nine with your host Paul Verzi over here.

Bill Burr over there. Andrew Dempsey over here. Over here, guys, we're going into week number nine, sponsored by our favorites, bed MGM. It's the bed MGM app. Everybody's the best app is the best lines out there. What do you do to get it? All you do is you download the app.

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You also have a survivor pool where you could pick a team, not against the spread, just have that team win and you keep going every week, so on and so forth and until you lose and then you're done, but there are still prizes for that as well. Yeah, man, let's get into this, dude. That was a great read, Paul. He was right in the camera.

Right in Mr. Mrs. America. I thought that was fantastic. Look, dude, you know something, when you're a pro, you're a pro. You know, Paul, you know, they can't teach what you just did. Hey, who am I? You know, about the Texas Rangers.

I know. Did you watch any of that series? I mean, it was just fun to what I mean, it was kind of blew through them. But I'm really happy, man. I'm really happy for Texas Rangers fans. They've been what dude, that that's the old Washington senators. They moved in 1962 or or came back in 1962. That's right. After the original senators moved to Minnesota and became the twins. Yeah. We're the most fucked up things ever. The senators left from lack of support and then they gave them the senators again, a different senators. Like the Cleveland Browns became the Ravens, but even the Cleveland had to wait. It's not a man shit here Paul. I'm just saying I'm happy for the Rangers. I don't know what's going on with my camera. It's nice to have the flu and poison ivy

It's nice to see a team like the Rangers win what was not nice to see was two of our pictures that we dumped were on on their staff So, you know, you just watch it X-E and one of them we had one of them too Yeah, it came to Boston first. Is anything worse. Is anything worse than watching a team celebrated championship when players were on your team earlier in that season. I hate that. I like that. It doesn't bug me. There he is. That doesn't bug me. Listen, they don't want to fucking pay them. Yeah. Right. So they understand now that they don't care about them. So they bouncing around the league. That's just the way it is. You know what I do. I love them when they're with you. You're happy when they win somewhere else.

Hey, we'll keep that. Good, good, good on you. We should have paid you. We didn't bill. You know what I do when I see an X Yankee or an X Nick winning somewhere else. I just go, there he is. Just makes me there he is.

Guys, the foul line. And that area is guy. Our guy. Yes. It was in great school with us. Dude, I'm going to all grown up. What an idiot. I got to tell you something, man.

I got to talk about this on the show. It's one of the most disappointing giants losses. Me and my son watched, dude. Lucas was, dude, 29 seconds left. And we were so dominant defensively. And our kicker just missed the 30 harder. And we go to overtime and lose. I mean, it was a rough one

against the jets. Oh, well Paul, I gotta tell you something right now. Like that fuck I bet the Ravens last week. Okay, like I had to go for a walk after that loss. I am like that that took my heart like I'm all right with it. Yeah. No, what am I gonna say that my wife runs around on me? I'm like that fucking guy in that joke right now as a gambler. Like I was just Paul. In the first half, I have the fucking Ravens laying eight and a half. I think I'd eight and a half. Other people had nine and a half. I have eight and a half. I mean, who am I, Paul? Nice. I'm getting a point in my favor, right? Yeah, yeah. Ravens are going to fucking kill him, right? Arizona comes out like gangbusters playing great, debuting them in the first half. I couldn't handle that. Paul, that happens. Who saw the Broncos beat in the chiefs? I mean, just, you know, everyone's so well, the

underdog just comes up, shows up to play and the other guys, you know, they just lose. I can handle that. Yeah. Paul, what I can't hear is that as an American. I'm watching the game of the week. I'm watching fucking Joe Burrow and the Bengals, right? Healthy Joe Burrow. Oh, healthy. And I'm looking at the ticker. Holy shit. Fucking Ravens come back. They're up by fit 20, 15 or something like that. I'm, oh my God, I'm going to go two and two. I'm not like they was so up. Paul, I stopped watching the ticker. And I'm just enjoying how great the Bengals are playing. It's a great game

against the 49ers, last year of 49ers fan. And then the game ends Paul. They just click over and the Cardinals are lining up for a field goal. Ravens are up by 10. And there's like, I don't know, a few seconds left. And I'm going, what the fuck is this? What happened? What happened, Paul?

Evidently, they score a touchdown. They kick an onside fucking kick. They recover it. So now they line up. So the guy kicks the ball. Paul and it goes, why? Oh, Billy Freckles, two and two, baby. Flag on the play. Oh, flag on the fucking play. And because it was before the whistle, the the the Ravens couldn't decline it they back it up five They give him a breakfast ball

And it goes up there and he kicks it It just inside the upright fuck you freckles fuck you dreams I got it fuck whatever you wanted to do in this cartoon. I literally When I was sending you to those text Paul I was in my backyard and I was walking in a fucking circle. Oh, dude, I was getting texts from Bill and he was, you know, as funny as that night bill, a Thursday night, the same thing. I got the, I had the bucks

and I'm going, I'm going to be oh and one on Thursday. Anything worse than being oh and one on Thursday and all of a sudden I got the back door cover at the last second and I was like, all right, woo! But I know that sucks, dude. Listen, that'll happen to you once or twice a year, but no, no, no, no, no, Paul, I don't want to hear that. I can take a loss like a fucking man. Okay, what happened in Phoenix, Arizona was wrong. I tweeted, I want to start a support group like dude. That's one of those ones Because you know what it was Paul yeah, I counted it as a win in my head I know It's I know I was going down Bourbon Street Paul. I had the fucking baton

I was fucking high kicking down the street the trophy was coming out of the locker room like the spurs and games The wire was off the champagne bottle. We had the goggles on and then somebody said, hey, wait a second, wait a second. It's not even, hey, wait a second, you lost. Wait a second, you're now gonna watch them. You're gonna watch yourself win again with the misfield goal and then there's gonna be a flag. That looked a lot like a tissue for you to cry in

ironically enough and then he kicked some fucking knuckleball that looked like they dragged some guy out of the crowd and then they all punt pass and kick shit. Oh, yeah, I know. So, Paul, I'm just gonna tell you right now, I'm a one wing bird this week. I don't know what's up, I don't know what's down, I feel fucking idea, okay.

I'm gonna love the lines, dude. And I'm looking at Americans right now. Do not listen to me. All right, my I mean you you had one. I think you had one you do you had like two one or two bad way. What are you nuts? Oh, what am I nuts Paul? This happens to me every year in October. Do you know what gambling is over an entire football season for me? It's like playing golf. I give a fuck for the first whole four holes. Then I just talk or what the fuck am I doing here? You know? You hold it on to. All right, go ahead, Bill. You hold it on to tight. You hold it on to tight. Are you get first picked this

week, Bill? You know what? I should have had like a glass of wine right there. I sounded like some woman trying to get over a fucking last boyfriend. All right, I got first pick, Paul. Hey, and you know me, you know me, Paul, when I got first pick, you think I'm going to fucking act like I don't. When the hell am I picks here? Oh, this is more shit to add. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Bet MGM., bet MG, M, they're gonna call me and just be like, you know, I understand you're talking about the emotion, but try to make gambling seem more fun. I'm gonna take the Minnesota Vikings on the road,

lay it for why not against the Falcons. I think the Falcons had their moment. This is what I think, Paul. I know the exact opposite thing's gonna happen, but I'm gonna take the Vikings You know why Paul because I like the color purple. I like the movie the color purple. I like prints My daughter likes the color purple. I just think they have prettier uniforms All right, I don't like the Falcons how they they they they just put on black because Jerry Glanville wanted to seem like, you know, his dick was an inch longer than it really was. You know, they, they were a red team. They were red and gray. But all the way back to the great William

Andrews, Billy White shoes, Johnson, Steve Bart Kowski, RC, Thielman. Go ahead. All right. I, I like this game all week. I don't love the half a point, but I'm going to take it. I still don't believe in the jets. I think the jets are a bad team. I think the giants let them off the hook and should have won that game. The chargers are starting to roll. The chargers got Eccler back. Austin Eccler is back. I think the chargers, it's three and a half. I fucking hate to have a point. If it was three, I would take it to the bank today. But I'm going to, you know, I hate when you have hate in your heart. I'm going to take that. I'm friends with you because you, you, you have this spirit that I want.

That's what I get out of this relationship. So when I see you start to act like me, it makes me lose hope. I'm going to take the Los Angeles chargers going into New York Jets and winning that game by more than three. They're more. They can do a wait, wait, wait, they beat the shit out of the bears. Didn't they? I like that. They're coming in there.

They're bears, but they also got Eccler. They're starting to come into their own. I think they're getting healthy. I think their defense is good enough. And I just, I know the jets have a great defense. The jets don't have a quarterback, man. I just don't think the jets don't have the thing. I think I think the charges have better uniforms. Would you say that? I would say that. And I would also. A fashion level too. If the chargers win the game,

they get to, they get to 500. And I think they're going to get to 500. And I think this is a team that they could get to 500 over. So charges have better looking fans. I have better looking fans, right? Even jets are animals. Yeah, beautiful stadium. You know, just, you know, jet fans, they come out from underneath the port authority. Justin Herbert worked with their hands and sometimes fall in their faces. And Justin Herbert's got a nice head of hair. He's six foot six. Good looking kid. When a charger fan falls on his face, it's usually off a surfboard. It's a nice soft landing pole. I was thinking a surfboard.

Yeah. Kissed by this gun. Paul Verzing for the win. All right. I'm going to take L.A. Chargers. L.A. Chargers, I like it. I'm going to take the, I'm going to take the, the fucking Houston Texans minus two and a half because my agent told me, you know, my agent's a big time gambler, you know,

he's got real estate, he's got money hidden in the floors of all of his buildings that he owns, you know. I'm in debt with him, so it's minus two and a half. They're playing the Buccaneers. They're both three and four that adds up to a six and eight record collectively, and I like that. I like when two, three and four teams play each other, Paul, and it adds up to a six and eight record collectively. And I like that. I like when two, three and four teams play each other, Paul, and it adds up to a six and eight overall record. When two, three and four teams, with collectively, it adds up to six and eight, play each other in the first week

in November, historically, balled gingers win that bet. So I'm taking the Texans minus two and a half. All right. I like how you blew all of that off like that, any of that made sense. No, no, I'm just looking at my pick selfishly. I'm just listening.

I'm going to take a healthy Joe burrow and the, and the bangles minus one and a half at home against the Buffalo bills. I don't think these are the Buffalo bill. I don't think these are your grandfather's Buffalo bills. Or maybe they are. Or maybe they are. I don't, I'm worried about the bills.. Or maybe they are. Or maybe they are. I'm worried about the bills. I feel like they're a wild animal

and that's a wounded animal. And that's a short bus trip. That's a short bus trip. I think that Joe Burrows been healthy for one game this year. I think this is going to be another healthy game for him. I think Jamar Chase, I just like them. They didn't get rid of T Higgins. I think they're going to be rarer and to go or roaring to go. Sorry. Oh, the big cats

are doing well. The Lions, the Bengal Tigers, right? The Jaguars. All right. I got Joe Burrow and the Bengals minus one and a half against the bills in Cincinnati. All right. I don't know why I'm going do this. I'm gonna take the New York Giants. Oh, getting a point and a half. I, uh, you know, one of their wide receivers last week didn't say it, but he did say it. And, uh, I don't know what's going on out there. I really don't know what's going on out there. It seems to me Paul, like they have all the pieces, but they're just not coming together. I don't know why I like the giant's defense. And I like the Raiders defense too. I think this is a great number minus

one and a half. It's going to be a close game. And I think in a close game, I'm going to put my money on Daniel Jones, providing he doesn't fall down. I think he's gonna cross that goal line. And I'm gonna get a win. Well, I'm just shooting from the hip this week. I'm not gonna lie. That was a pick I was gonna take. That's great. Oh, I thought you was staying away. I shouldn't have crazy that Joe Biden's fucking sons doing blow in the White House Hey, they called the White House for a reason. I love that he went like this. I went up to a baby Think that do you think that any of Donald Trump's straws were left over from all the McDonald's he had wouldn't be hilarious if he No, they have the condiments. He had the condiments left in the draw. He had like the sauces. Oh yeah,

he's using a left over like drop head a whole drawer full of straws from all the McDonald's Coca-Cola drinks. And he's taking a and he's doing blow. I miss where this country's at, Paul. It's fucking fantastic. This country right now is in the second half of Goodfellas who were driving around looking up at the helicopters. Should I do this? I don't know if I'm going to do this. The Dolphins chiefs is an absolute scary stay away from game. And there's an end. And it's in Kansas City. The chiefs are coming off a, that was like, that was like Halloween.

Like I feel like someone else was dressed up as the chiefs. Oh, that's right. Jake the Jake the snake see Jake the snake just jumped instead. It's in Germany. It's in Germany Oh, oh shit that changed it's a tongue on Actually, I like I like the dolphins chances in Germany better. I'm gonna take historically speaking on in Nazi territory The dolphins have done much better. I don't think historically speaking on in Nazi territory, the dolphins have done much better. I don't think Hitler would have approved of Native Americans. So I think they're going to be getting the home cooking out there. I'm taking them. I'm taking the dolphins. I'm taking the dolphins plus one and a half knick curls dolphins and Germany. Yes. I

take it to beat the BTK killers fucking chiefs. I like that Paul. You know what? If it was if it wasn't Kansas City after their last performance, I'd be afraid. I'd be afraid of it in Germany. I like the dolphins. I like to let's do that dolphins plus one and a half. Oh, this is Paulie doggy week. Paulie doggy week. Well, I haven't taken any fucking dogs this week. So I feel like I got to take one Because I like I mean I'm kind of liking the saints, but they lay in eight and a half Paul. I don't like that eight I would like this six point five. I don't like two points in my fucking favor You know Paul. Hey Paul. Why can't I never go my way, you know, I'm not hurting anybody

I was look over about me. I was looking over. You can't even get your fuck about me. I was looked over. I was passed over, Mikey. I'm not done by, like everybody says, not like everybody's, I can pick a game. Was it, I have a point. I'm not going to get a little little little little

little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little and Hooter's wait waitress action. And I feel like he's gonna take, I like sneaky Pete getting five and a half. I like him getting five and a half. I like him, you know, uh.

You love sneaky Pete. I love sneaky Pete. I love the Ravens too. These are my two ex girlfriends here. You can't stay away from these teams on when they play together. That's a love fest. All right, man.

Oh, man, this is... what about this game, huh? Dude, what about the fucking Monday night special? The fucking guy was wide open for a goddamn touchdown Jimmy G. What's happened into Jimmy G, man? Jimmy G. Poor Jimmy G. Jimmy G. I mean, I you know, he's like a neighborhood kid. He's out there playing stick ball, right? You want him to come on, right? Look, he went to school from right to riches.

The Jimmy G looks like he's like, he's going to be like a top notch restaurant concierge. Just, he's just a nice good looking. When he's older, like when he's old and gray, yeah, coming size. My restaurant. Ladies love Jimmy G. Who doesn't like, I mean, he's a hard when he's old and gray, yeah, come inside. It's my best friend. Ladies love Jimmy Chi. Who doesn't like, I mean, he's a hard kid to not like. Well, I mean, when you got the fucking Monday night special, Paul,

we haven't fucking hit one. I feel like in a goddamn year and the guy, this literally nobody around him. Fred McMurray, what the fuck's the guy's name? The guys run down the goddamn side light. Oh, uh, God, say McGillicutty. What is his name? He's got to take with Gillicutty. Tasha on her, Louis.

Um, all right. My last pick here, DeAndre, something or other. I don't know. Do this is rough, man. My last pick. You took the Texans. You took the Seahawks. And I took it in the ass on that Ravens game. Oh, Paul, Paul, that broke me. That literally, that broke me. I could have gone on Oprah. And if she asked me three questions about that game, I would have broken down crying.

And she would have been like, we got the interview. Should I? No. I was gonna say Patriots, but they're just not. All right, I'm gonna do it. You ready? We have a lot of injuries on defense. Everybody's coming down on Bill Belichek. He has a great defense.

He does not have an offensive line. I have won the last two Thursdays. Okay? Like Bill said, it going in Thursday, it's like a guy in the ring just coming out. Oh, yeah, we were saying when you picked the Thursday game, when you picked the Thursday game, that's like, you know, when boxes come out and they feel each other out the first round, you know that guy when the thing, the bell rings and the guy comes running out of the corner, like meets the guy three quarters the way across the ring.

That's what bet in the Thursday game is. Peter McNeely versus Tyson. Yeah, all right, let's, am I gonna win this week of lose? Let's fuck, I want, I want, I need a decision early. Ah, that's perfect. It's Haglherds. Haglherds, they just,

all right, I, I Haggler Hearns. Haggler Hearns. They just got. All right. I picked the last two Thursdays. Hopefully I can make it three in a row. I am going to take the Pittsburgh Steelers tonight minus three against a new quarterback Titans. Who are they? Mitch Trebitsky. Mike Tomlin. What? Who do they got? Is it Mitch Trabicki? Because what's his face? Whatever the fuck the guy's name is, that's the quarterback for the stealing art. Kenny got, Kenny Pickett will play.

Kenny Pickett. Kenny Pickett will play. That's a tough name for a quarterback. Minus three. He's got pick in his own name. I know, I know. Teddy Interception. Interception it.

How many times did the paper have a field day with his name? Why I think he made it to the NFL, so probably not that many. That's like when the Patriots had a kicker named Scott Sisson. The guy missed one and it was Missing Sisson. That was it. That was it. My missed one and it was missing. Sisson. That was it. My favorite one.

Ali Haji Shank. Oh my God. That Ali Haji Shink. Oh my God. You feel go kickers. Oh, they get some rough ones. I just think Mike Tomlin, dude. Mike Tomlin at home on a prime time under the lights game.

He just the the Steelers are always in it. And Joe Bartnik's going to be in town doing stand up the hometown here. Oh, if Joe Bartnik's in town, then you know, if, if Joe Bartnik and his dad go to the game, forget, uh, yeah, I'm going to take the line. That moves the line. If Vegas finds out, Joe Bartnik's doing stand up while the Steelers are home, that moves the line. Here's the deal. If somebody put a gun to my fucking head and said the Steelers are at home on a prime time game versus the Titans and the line is three, who you taking done.

I got the Steelers. I think that's going to be some black and blue football there, Paul. Oh, I'm here. I'm here in helmets fucking crunching. It's not, it's not going to come off like a Thursday game. They're going gonna have a simplistic game plan on a four-day prep, but I'm telling you there's gonna be some hits Paul Got him not talking full-spector All right, we got you know it got me ahead in your mouth. You know what time it is Bill. Oh, Jesus Christ It's time for us to fucking pick one of these I got to pick a different song All right here we go We have the Los Angeles

Chargers minus three and a half at MetLife Stadium, verse the jets. The jets are four and three and the chargers are three and four, but healthy now. I love the charges. I love the charges too. I love the charges. I love the charges. I love Justin Herbert to throw one. Okay, I'm with you, Paul. And I'm fucking lock step. All right. So we got the charges on the aisle right now, Paul. We got the chargers and we got the nice long blonde lock, blonde lock, fucking big arm kid throwing one. What else, Phil? I mean, if you look at the charges and jets at the quarterback position, I mean, come on,

Paul. That's like me standing next to Brad Pitt, okay? That's a, oh my God, look at that. And what is that? Did you know how hard it is for me as a 5-8 kid to stand next to a guy that's 6-6 with long locks? It almost looks like he's like visiting me at the hospital. Oh, we didn't do the hair haul of fame yet this week. Oh, my God.

Oh, can I use a young kid or no? No, no. Hair haul of fame, dude. We got to have some criteria here. You got to be over 50. Okay. Over 50 and it's as thick as when you were in fucking elementary school.

Oh shit, who do we got? Great head of hair, over 50. Over. Just anybody in the public eye and you're just looking at them like, my, like they can still, like if they wanted to, they could get like the latest haircut. You know what I mean?

Like whenever a haircut's in style, you could still do it. Like Jimmy Johnson, Jimmy Johnson could do a Mohawk, he could do one of those Conor McGregor fades. I gotta look this up real quick. Great hit of hair is I would say how we long? Did we put how you long in?

Was he part of it? It might be thinning though. Great. Yeah. Uh, he's like one of those guys. If his hair is thinning, then he's like a baseball player that retired with 2,990 hits. They're showing all the way.

And he got to be nice to the sports writers to get in. I don't know how athletic they are. I got three minutes, Paul, and then I got to go, we'll be done in three. I got a clocked. We didn't finish the Monday night special, though. We got the charges minus three and a half. We got Justin Herbert to throw one. So we got Chuck Muncie to rush. We got, uh, we got to do blow with fucking Joe Biden's kid.

Justin Herbert to throw one charges to win by four. And, um, what do you think? Austin, What do you think? Austin, uh, and a safety. Austin, declarative score or, or, or jets to chargers to get a turnover. Can we do that? All right. Let's do this. Justin Herbert to throw one chargers to win and, uh, Austin, Eglier under overrun. Oh, you love the overrun 40. No, no, no, I'm just, I just, I'm just putting out that Paul. It's like an appetizer. Would you care for some? What would you like to go right to your entry? That's don't score a lot, though. And the chargers do and 40s a perfect number. Let's just, that just came right out of your mouth like you fucking

already saw the game. So I'll go with that. Yeah. So let's do Austin Eccler any time touch down. Okay. Unless you don't want to, what do you want to Eccler any time touchdown. Okay. Unless you don't want to. What do you want to do? Breeze tall touchdown jets? What do we want? He's the jets running back. He's good.

Dude, fuck the jets. Okay. Okay, I just, you know, God bless those people in this situation. They're in, but there's nothing we can do about it. All right. Austin Eccler. Austin Eccler is going to, Austin Eccler anytime touchdown.

Herburt to throw one. Chargers to win. Let's do it. Yeah. And this is the middle of the season, Paul, what teams are going to be who the fuck they are. All right. And the jets that they go over the side. There you go.

That's the picks. Chargers to win. Herburt to throw one. Austin Eccler anytime. Touchdown guys. This has been a preview for a week. A number nine, go to the BEDM GM app, download it, put in 200, I'll put in.

By the way, Paul Verzi three and one again, right? Are you two and two? No, I was two and two. So you went, you, but what'd you do for October? Come on, dude. 15 and five. I mean, that's a, that's a gaudy record. So going over death taxes and Paul Verzi against the ball of chain is out The chain is out of here guys Paul Verzi. You put the sunglasses on my chain comes out guys 10 dollars worthy of sunglasses anymore

You with my half a albino face and tell you that I can't pick a fucking winner to save my life Dude Billy wins some loose some 10 dollars guys and you get a minimum of 10 you get a red tape at the last week Use bonus code a bird 200 do the survival Pool and we will be back next week guys bet responsibly have fun. All right. We'll see you guys Thank you so much and God bless the United States of America