Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-24-22
00:00Ah, oui, bon après-midi tous les mons, je m'appelle Guillaume, malheureusement monemployeur de bouton est très chargé hier et cette semaine, mais mon week-end est magnifique,what's going on? Fuck, I am fucking, I can't shake this goddamn cough, you know, it'snot COVID, it's not Ebola, it's not AIDS, it's all three. Yeah, oh my god, happyThanksgiving, tous les mons, happy Thanksgiving, tous les mons, happy Thanksgiving, everybody,sorry to the Indians, I hope you like the casinos. It's a weird holiday, right? You know, big meal,wrapped in genocide. How do we grow corn? Thank you, here's some blankets. Yes, there's a darkhistory to this country, no pun intended. Oh, Jesus, sorry, I've been mining the last few weeks.
01:36My cough's actually gotten better, believe it or not, it's just I have to keep talking,that's the problem, I screamed my fucking act this weekend. See, this is basically it, when youdon't know how to write a joke, you have to scream the jokes, the core, and you have to fucking,you know, you gotta throw a lot of fucks in there, the PEDs of joke writing.Yeah, that's basically it, and I had an amazing weekend. I worked in Jacksonville, Florida,which I didn't know was named after Andrew Jackson, they called it Jacksonville. Not nice.You know, did anybody name something after Lincoln called Lincolnville? I don't think they did.Jacksonville, I like that. Burrville, that doesn't sound good.
02:38Anyway, had a great time there. I worked with Joe Bartnick and Forshaw, they fucking murderedall weekend, and when we were in Jacksonville, we were driving down to Orlando the next day,and I was thinking about Bob Sagan a lot. I still can't fucking believe he's gone,but when we were going to leave, getting ready to leave the hotel,there was this battleship from the Korean conflict, never was called a war.And I gotta be honest with you, the size of that battleship that looked like a conflict,it wasn't a big one, sort of a mid-size, you know, like if the Mercury Monarch was turnedinto a battleship, that's like the size of it. I think that guy from Amazon, I think his fucking
03:35lifeboats are bigger than this fucking battleship probably on his yacht.But anyway, so we were getting ready to go, and Forshaw's dude, you gotta see this man.He goes, there's a couple of fucking homeless alcoholics with a karaoke machine, and like,you gotta fucking see this shit, and they were out in front of the thing. I don't think they werehomeless. I don't know what they were doing, but they were fucking boozing, and it was nine in themorning. And the white dude was singing Depeche Mode. It was like every fucking reason you do theroad or travel. And he was crushing it. And he was just going, all I ever wanted, all I ever neededlove. And he was fucking destroying. And then his buddy, the black dude was dancing, and he
04:34was drinking. They were both drinking. And I was just sitting there with Forshaw, and he was justgoing like, I've been watching them for 15 minutes. And like just thinking about my life, if I'mactually truly enjoying it the way these two guys are. I mean, they were having a fucking,like they were having a blast. They were having so much fun. I just had an ear to ear grin.I just, I didn't even participate. I actually had made my day to watch two human beingshaving that level of fun. And you know, whenever they do these exposés on alcoholics that endup out on the street, they never show the ones like this, you know, in a nice warm climatewith a karaoke machine. It was kind of like, it was mind blowing, because it was, you know,
05:26these skyscrapers around there and people working in there in powerful positions, and they got thefucking, you know, their suits on and making all of this fucking money and doing all this shit.And with all of this stress, these two characters right outside the placewill fucking, they weren't hammered. They had a nice glow going. And they were singing to Pesh mode.And I don't know. It's just like, whatever they were doing wasn't wrong, because it mademe and Forrest so happy to watch them. Anyway, that was Jacksonville. The show was awesome.You know, I've been a minute since I've been to Jacksonville, and then the next day we went downto Orlando, and also ran together. You know what's cool is I like that, you know, we landed in Jacksonville
06:25and then just drove, you know, the whole weekend. So I went from Jacksonville to Orlando down toSarasota, Florida, which is always cool because on my mother's side, way back in the day in the 40sand 50s, when my mom was a little girl, they used to go down there for the summers. And my grandfatherwas afraid to fly. So they would drive all the way down there. I mean, I don't even know what kindof highway system there was. And they would hit, you know, hit spots on the way down there to eatand shit. And I think I told this story before, there was one day my mother went to a showin either Fort Myers or Sarasota in July of 1955. And at 3.30 in the afternoon, she saw amatinee show with a guy named Elvis Presley. And like two months later, he did the Ed Sullivan
07:33show and became like the biggest thing ever. But she saw him when he was doing five shows a day.She saw him before he hit. And like a half filled theater at like 3.30 in the fucking afternoon.How fucking cool is that? That's my mother's first concert, you know?Mine is Doc and Judas Priest on the Field for Life tour.You know, not as cool. You know, it's funny, it was almost 30 years later, 1986.I can't remember if it was Worcester Centrum or the Providence Civic Center.But God, I wish I kept those fucking ticket stubs. They got to be somewhere.I know I never threw them out, but I fucking saw, I saw everybody in those two buildings.
08:28I saw Dice Clay in the Worcester Centrum. I saw AC DC in the Boston Garden.Saw Cinderella in the Boston Garden opening on that tour.What else did I see? I saw a fucking Death Leopard. I saw a fucking Tesla.Loudness, I remember. I think open for AC DC on the Who Made Who tour.Well, a fucking time ago. Anyways, I apologize for no podcast on Monday.I'm just trying to get over this fucking cough.I know what you're thinking, Bill. Have you seen a doctor? Of course I haven't.I'm German Irish. We don't go to doctors. We start world wars.
09:16You wouldn't know this. I haven't had a cigar in like a month.It's funny how I stopped smoking cigars and then all of a sudden this shit happened.Oh, God. I think my son just woke up. He's the best. Both of my kids, you know,it's great because I'm home until like the second week in December and all I'm doing is hanging outwith them and that fucking garbage truck video. I got this whole thing now with my son.Where is this show when the garbage truck shows up?He waves hello or we go bonjour and then I always go to him.I go, wait, wait, wait. I put my hand across his body, acting all dramatic.
10:07Like you're waiting for the garbage truck to leave and then when it leaves,you go, bye, bye, au revoir. And he thinks it's the funniest thing ever.And when it comes up, I go, wait, wait, wait, wait. So now he does it to me.He grabs his little hands. He grabs two fistfuls over with my sweatshirt.He goes, wait, wait, wait. And I'm like, au revoir.Just added a whole new level to that video.That was a great time. And then my daughter's like turned out to be like the little artist,you know, drawing and writing and all of that. It's amazing. So
10:45and they also, both of them beat the shit out of my drums, you know, hit drums like a kid,like not even afraid, not afraid to make noise, just fucking swinging the stick from behind thehead. It's fucking awesome. So and then I got a bunch of shit done around my house.You know, I got a new garage door opener. I got the lights, they're like timed now.I had two huge holes, three holes in the ceiling, got those patched up and plasteredbefore the fucking rats came around. Right. Got the snake, the fucking snake,the fucking sink snaked out, hung up a couple of pictures.I'm fucking ready to go. I got six more dates left on this tour that started way back in April.
11:36Very excited. Got some fun cities coming up.What am I going to be? I know I got Boise, Idaho.I think I'm in Colorado Springs with that horrible fucking shooting happen. Jesus Christ.The fuck is wrong with people? I love how somebody goes into a club full of unarmed people andthey're wearing all this bulletproof shit. I mean, just the ultimate cowardly fucking act.I swear to God. Religion and prejudice. Unreal. Unreal the results of that.So I think I'll be there. I'm going to be in Utah, which I haven't been there in fucking everto do a show anyway. Speaking of religion.
12:37I kind of like how Utah just does their own fucking thing.It's kind of got like their own little, everybody out there's got like 13 wives or some shit.It's funny. I don't even know if that's true. I've been out there. I haven't been there in a while,but since I've been going out there, I don't think I ever met anybody that had more than one wife.You know? How does that work out there, Utah? When you come out to the comedy show, like,do you have like a lottery with your wives to see who gets to go?That's fucking hilarious. All right. I got two tickets to the comedy show. All right,we all know that I'm going. So since all you ladies like survivors so much, I figured we would
13:27have a contest to see who could get immunity and whoever gets voted out doesn't get to go to thecomedy. You have to go with your own little fucking reality TV show. Speaking of reality,not reality, of TV shows, I've been watching that show a second season. I didn't see the firstseason. I got to see the first season, but I'm watching the second season of white lotus withmy wife having a great time watching that and trying to guess what's going to happen next.You know what I do? You know what I love? I love that you got to wait, you know?And you know what I don't love is that there's people waiting for the whole thing to come outso they can just binge it, you know? You just think it like the level of writing and a beautiful
14:15way it's shot and all the fucking great acting on it and everything that somebody's just going tobinge it like shotgunning it, you know, cut a big hole in it and just fucking suck it all down.It's like people watch TV shows now, like they watch TV series the way like fat people eat.It's like gluttonous. I remember a long time ago, I had a really small part on this great showcalled Breaking Bad. I'm sure you've heard of it. And then there was a friend of mine,I asked him, I go, do you watch this show? The show's amazing. He's like,he's like, no dude, he goes, I'm going to wait till it's done that I'm going to binge it.And I just remember feeling like, like, why would you do that?
15:06You know what I mean? That's like if you got like a fucking, I don't even know what,I'm trying to think of something else like that. I don't know, a bottle of wine.This wine's 200 years old and you just fucking, delicious. Now what can I drink?Yeah, look, I'm just being a fucking curmudgeon. Every week I bitch about something.If it's not the prevent defense, it's the way people watch television shows.I mean, who am I, right? I'm just a man slowly dying of whatever this fucking cough is.Who the fuck am I to tell you how to watch a TV show?I like telling you what to do. It makes me feel young.
15:52You know, I feel like young people act like old people now.You can't say this, you can't do that. It's like, that's what old people do.The fuck are you getting off telling me what the fuck I can and can't do?I got more years than you. I get to act like I understand the universe more than you do.Where do you get off being younger and better looking than I am and telling me how I get,that's my fight. That's all I got left. All I have left,you know, when you get to a certain age, all you have left is telling younger people that,you know, just to let you know, it used to be better.
16:35What an asshole thing to do and I do it every week. Every week, I bet you can find, you know,we got to have a new segment on this podcast called It Used to Be Better,The Ramblings of a Bald Orange Man.So I went out, I flew the helicopter,and the fuck was it? Yesterday. And I went up to my instructor because,you know, I've been busy, so I haven't flown, so I just go up and go through all the emergencyshit. And we did an auto rotation, auto rotation simulated an engine failure.And I had the best motherfucking auto rotation I think I've done, and I don't know how long.
17:22We out in like the Santa Monica mountains, also known as Malibu,and he just goes, engine failure, and then you just immediately got to do it and pick out afucking spot. And where I wanted to pick the spot was going to be too close, so I was doing likeS turns, and I was fucking steering it the whole way down. Never fucking had, I wasn't chasing it,I locked in, I kept my speed right where I needed to be. And at the last second, you know, I wasgoing to the left, came back to the right, and then just straightened it out, went right into thefucking, you know, entered the flare, you know, came to a full fucking stop, didn't go up oranything like that, leveled it off, pulled power was fucking beautiful. It made me feel,
18:07made me feel like, like I knew a thing or two about a thing or two. So anyway,speaking of a thing or two about a thing or two, Jesus Christ, did you see the end of that Patriotsgame against the J E T S Jets Jets Jets? Everybody in the world thought that was going into fuckingovertime. Was it a fucking punt?I was in the, I was in Bartnick's hotel room, go, Hey, let's watch the end of the Patriots game,it's going to go into fucking overtime. The guy runs it all the way back and then, you know,they always call those things back for some sort of a clip or whatever. There was a fucking clip,like, unlike the 10 yard line, completely not even necessary. The second I saw it, I walked away
18:50from the TV, I'm like, Ah, you fucking idiot. I'm like, Belichick's going to cut that kid beforethis game's even over. And for some reason, they, I don't know, they missed it.I don't know, maybe the refs wanted to get out of there, but like, they never seem to miss thosethings. Every time, does it seem like, like, we'll say 65% of the time there's a kickoffreturn for a touchdown or a big game. Oh, there's a flag back there. You know,there, we seem to call that. And that time there actually was fucking right there on the TV screen.So anyway, beat the Jets twice this year, Jets are a good goddamn team. So the dolphins,everyone, like all these fucking people picked the Buffalo bills, you know, myself, I picked them.
19:42I didn't realize that Nick Crowell was going to take over for the Miami Dolphins. And I alreadyknew that Nick Crowell was a genius character, actor, comedic actor, standup comedian. I thoughtthat his genius was just, you know, within the confines of the entertainment industry. I had noidea that he was going to outcoach my Buffalo bills, me and my Buffalo bills. If there was amovie that they were making about the rivalry between those two coaches, like they would cast the twoof us, you know, but for some reason, Hollywood's too afraid to make that movie. That's what I think.All right, I'm going to do some of the reads here.Hope you guys have a nice Thanksgiving and hey, here's one for you. How about you don't
20:36take the bait this Thanksgiving and you watch your other relatives argue with each other.Wouldn't that be nice? If you didn't fucking jump in, the way I always do,the way I used to anyways. All right, we've got some reads here, baby. All right, look who it is,everyone. It's Indochino. You know, the holidays should be celebrated in style. That's right,you should outdress your relatives and make them jealous. Make them want to fucking dumpsome gravy in your lap. But why stop at decking the halls when you could be decked out from headto toe? Indochino makes it easy to upgrade your look with made for you suits, made for you suits,not made for them. All right, it's made for you. Suits, shirts, outerwear,
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33:03and I'll see along my voice last, but I really need to stop talking so I can finally get past this,so I get past this horrible fucking time in my podcasting career. All right. Australia,are you thinking of coming to Australia on, on tour? I actually think about that a lot.Um, it just hasn't worked out. Once I had kids, I mean, I can't,it's a 14 hour flight to get there. I'm on the other fucking side of the world in hemisphere.Uh, I don't know. I'll have to figure out a way to bring everybody, but I would love to.I'd like to do what I did last time, start in Perth and work my way across, go all the way to NewZealand. I had a great time last time. Um, that was 2015. I can't fucking believe it.
33:49All right. Chip shortage. Uh, dear Billy Gates Burr on Thursday podcast, you mentioned skepticismon the computer chip shortage. The reality is that this is true and it's caused by three primaryreasons. The first is that modern products utilize far more chips than ever before. Think of all thecell phones, advanced vehicles, and even connected appliances. That is true. They figure out everyway for every device to be hooked up to the fucking internet or Bluetooth so they can monitor what thefuck you're doing in your house. Uh, the second issue was that, you know, when I was a kid,the blender, you actually turned it with your hand. That's not true, but you know,my grandmother did. Um, the second issue was that the pandemic crippled supply chains
34:39and chip manufacturers were hit hard. Um, did that happen? Seemed to be there was plenty of food.Finally, there's a huge bottleneck when it comes to chip manufacturing as between 80 to 90% ofthe world's advanced chips are made by one company. Well, that's fucking stupid. Taiwansemiconductor manufacturing known as TSMC. Oh yeah, they publicly traded. I think that'd bea good thing to invest in and not think globally. Uh, the lat, think about myself. The last pointalso is one of the major reasons why the US and Western world does not want China to take.Oh, the last point is also the major reason the US and Western world, uh,does not want China to take over Taiwan. Well, why don't we in the meantime just come up with
35:39our own fucking, you know, semiconductor manufacturing? Why don't we do that instead of,oh, because you know what, then we wouldn't have an excuse to go to war and keep our fucking economygoing. Uh, there's slight good news. I mean, how fucking easy would that be to solve?Huh? Okay, we'll make our own semiconductor fucking microchips. Why don't we do? Why don'twe just fucking do that? Why don't we become self-sufficient like we used to be?There's slight good news. The US passed the chips act this year, which was a bipartisan piece oflegislation that is attempting to revitalize the US chip manufacturing. Look at that. And includes280 billion in investment. That's awesome. All right. Good for us. We finally did it. I like to
36:29think that me screaming about it after they already decided to do it was a major part. So you'rewelcome, America. All the best to go fuck yourself in your new truck. I'm going to get that truckand one more truck, and then that's going to be my truck collection. I'm going to get a Ford F-450regular cab. And then that's it. That was going to be, that's going to be my Lamborghini, my Ferrari,an F-250 and an F-450. I'm not hurting anybody, right? Bruins highlights. Oh my God, the fuckingBruins just are not losing. They're just kicking ass. I've watched a little bit of the games. I'veonly seen a handful of the games. I've been so fucking busy, but I've been paying attention andevidently we're exploiting the weak side of the defense, which I don't understand.
37:14How is there a, what is the weak side of defense? You got two defensemen. I understand theweak side of an offensive line would be the, you know, if you overload one side of the line,I get that by the defense. So what is that? Does that involve the forwards pinching inand doing the, can somebody please explain to me what the weak side of the defense is in hockey?Because Andy Brickley was explaining it and I kept rewinding it and I still just fucking did notunderstand it. All right, but Bruins highlights. You know, there's a really great website calledDTMTS.com. Don't tell me the score that shows spoiler free highlights in about 10 minutes forevery game from the night before. Well, if you're seeing the fucking highlights, oh, I'm doing a podcast.
38:02Don't tell me the score. Okay. That shows spoiler free highlights in about 10 minutes for every gamefrom the night before. As a Penguins fan who doesn't live in Pittsburgh, it's been great forkeeping up on how shitty my team is doing. Oh, I should check that out. See how great my team'sdoing. They also realize he's recently started basketball and baseball as you can keep up withthe Celtics and Red Sox as well. Although I don't know shit about those prima donna sports.Six to eight weeks with a calf strain. Get a fucking nerd.Bergeron play with a broken rig and a separated shoulder. Well, come on. I mean, so did fuckingElon Musk there. Not Elon Musk. What the fuck's his name? Oh, why did I say that now? I'm not
38:52going to remember his name. He's rushed from the most yards NFL history. He played for the FloridaGators, not Edger and James number 22 for the Dallas Cowboys, part of the three headed monsterwith Troy Aikman and Michael Irvin and Emmett Smith. I knew there was an E in it. Oh, but he just saidCeltics and he said baseball and basketball. Anyway, thanks for all the great comedy. Hopethis helps. Go fuck yourself. You cunt. Oh, thank you. Happy Thanksgiving to you too.All right, unelected leaders. I think I can read like, yeah, I got two more. I'll just read these.And then I got to fucking rest up here.Unelected leaders. Dear Pyl, I wanted to bring a praise to your podcast world that you may find
39:46interesting. A phrase. Oh, I thought I was getting praise. My brother has a reasonable and measuredinterest conspiracy theory. He doesn't think JFK Junior is still alive or anything. Overall,I don't pay much attention and my dad and I don't really follow stuff like he does. But every nowand then we have to give it up to him. He's been talking about unelected leaders for a few yearsnow. And the phrase just passed through my head because I don't care. Recently, I've seen thesevideos popping up from these meetings where world leaders are listening to bond like villainswho are get this openly using the phrase new world order. It's really bizarre. I don't think youcould get away with something like that 20 years ago. You absolutely could have.
40:35Trump exposed that the fucking media has no teeth. Journalism is dead. Nobody gives a shit.Like when he ran in 2016 and that that woman was trying to get him going, you said this aboutwomen, you said that about women. He said, no, I said that about Rosie O'Donnell. He got a laugh.And then when was like, no, you said that about other women. He goes, you're probably right.And that was it. My whole time watching politics up, growing up, I watched everybody.The all he did was dodge and deny Bill Clinton. I did not have sexual relations with that woman.It was a stupid, stern look on his face. Fucking her pussy juice dripping off his fucking fist.Right. You denied and Trump was, you know, I fucking whatever. Yeah, I did it.
41:26Okay, you're probably right. And, and I win the election. So nothing would have happened.The same way they go from global warming to changing to climate change. And they're alwaysdoing that. They don't give a fuck. The same way the New York Times wants to talk about how fuckingnuts it is that, you know, that, that, that sports gambling is now become so fucking normalized,you know, and they think that that's crazy. So who do they go after? Do they go after the NFL?Do they go after, you know, major league baseball and all these? No, they go after the owner of asports website. Cause at the end of the day, they're not going to fuck with their money.And they make too much money off of those things. So they just go after an individual.
42:15That's how it's always been. And it always will be because at the end of the day, until we topplethe fucking, you know, banker's running our fucking lives, it's always going to be this way.Anyway, if we're all taking orders from weirdos and our vote officially doesn't count anymore,will you still be doing a podcast so I can hear your reaction to all of it?If they let me, yeah. It's basically how it works.Old dad question. Sir William the Red of Freckleton. I like that.I was insulting and regal all at the same time. I want to quiz you about having kids later inlife. I'm 48 years old, never married, no kids. However, I met an amazing woman and marriage
43:04is almost certainly in the cards. She just turned 40 and has two children from a previousmarriage, but assures me she would love to have another child. Do it. I'm kind of freaked outabout being an old dad. Nah, dude, fucking old dads are great. You chill, you settled in your life,you know who the fuck you are. You have all of this life experience. I mean, that's how I lookat it. You know, if I had a kid in my twenties and thirties, I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't know.I would have been younger, but other than that, I was a fucking lunatic.Anyway, if I'm not mistaken, you were around my age when you had your first child. I was.How hard was it to adjust? How tired did you get? Is there anything else
43:44I should be asking? Worries and concerns?How hard? You don't even adjust. You just do it. First of all, you just can't fucking believe youhave a kid and it's fucking awesome. And you basically, if you love your kid and you're inyour life, you basically just made a friend for life. Like that's how I look at my kids. You know,I know I have the responsibility to raise them, but those are like my buddies and we hang out andand we have fun and we just try to make each other laugh. Like I have a very,my family is very silly. My wife, as you guys know, is fucking hilarious. So we have a lot of fun.And one of the great things is you get to undo a lot of stuff that you didn't like about your
44:32own childhood and do stuff differently. And you get to keep the stuff that you liked. Andno, there's no worries. There's no concern. Did you get tired? Yeah.Yeah. Absolutely. You get tired, but you know, ask for help. That whole thing, it takes a villagelike, you know, you should have relatives and in-laws and all that coming over to help you outwhile you nap and all that. That's the way it's done. That whole fucking nuclear family thatpeople think is the old school way of doing it where you did it yourself. That was an old school.That was the new way of doing it. We just grew up in it. And your parents had no help and yourmom was a zombie and your dad was working. That stuff, that's not the way you do it. Like
45:19you make sure that you get help. And if you don't have any relatives around, I would pay to havesomebody help you out. And if you can't afford to do that, I would sell some shit or fucking cutout a hobby for that, you know, to get through that point until they sleep through the night.Once they sleep through the night, that's like a game changer. So yeah, the first six months area little rough when it comes to that. But if you're on the same page with your wife, you guys cankind of switch off sleeping and that type of stuff. But, you know, having kids is the greatest thingI ever did. And we went out to breakfast today. The whole family and the kids got French toast.You know, I got avocado toast. What did my wife get? She got a breakfast bagel.
46:10And we were just sitting there, you know, having a great time and then looking at my wife and justsmiling like, do you believe this is our life? This is awesome. So I wouldn't, you know, obviouslyyour life is going to change, but it's going to change for the better. I feel just my opinion.Take it or leave it. All right. I guess that's it. The old dad question. All right. And with that,speaking of old dads, old grandpa here has to take some cough syrup and shut his fucking goddamnyep so I can get past this cough. All right. Happy Thanksgiving to all you guys. I hope you have ahappy, safe one. Don't take the bait. Just don't get into an argument. All right. And tonight,Wednesday night, when I'm doing this, this is the greatest night to be in your early 20s and going
46:57back to the bar and seeing all the fucking people you went to high school with and justthat this is one of the great nights of drinking. I guess you can hear this on Thursday last night.I mean that, you know, the whole fucking weekend reconnect with people, maybe someone you wantedto hook up with. I mean, it's just fucking awesome. I always loved the Wednesday, Wednesday beforeThanksgiving, after you've graduated high school, during your college years, while people still comehome before everybody splinters off into whatever lives they're going to leave, is the best forWednesdays of your fucking life. All right. That's it. Go fuck yourselves. Have a great weekend,your cunts. Enjoy Thanksgiving and I'll talk to you on Monday.
47:44Hey, what's going on is Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday,November 24th, 2000 and 14, 2014. How are you? What's going on? Once again,I'm recording it nice and early Monday morning. You know, so I gotta keep my freaking voice down.I don't want to disturb the construction. It's winding down, everybody. It's winding down.They painted the fucking walls, you know? Well, they got a couple little bit of electrical things,a couple Bing Bang booms, which of course will take for fucking ever. I actually found out thatI need a new electrical panel outside my house because the one that I had was, you know, just ahunk of shit. And so I go, all right, so take the one off that I have and put a new one there,
48:37right? And this fucking governmental cunt, right? He shows up with this fucking tape measureand he said there was no safe way for his guys to put a ladder up because I had thisfucking palm trees thing, right? Which now aren't even natural, okay, to the ecosystem out here.Some jerk off liked him way back in the day and stuck a fucking coconut on his boat orwhatever the hell the seed is, right? Is that the seed of a palm tree? Is it a coconut? Or isthat the fruit it bears and within the coconut, there's the seed? I don't know.So anyways, so he goes, nah, the only place we can stick it is right on the back of yourfucking house where it's going to be the ugliest ever. And I'm like, well, no, we're not putting
49:30it there. And he's like, I work for the government, right? What I say goes, right?As he goes to get out there and his government issued Ford Escort station wagon, remember thosefucking things? So now I had to call the guy up and he's got to cut this fucking tree down.And I know what you're thinking, well, wait a minute, I thought you were fuckingoh, Billy Treehugger, you know, oh, William Tell there, right? Over the fucking guy. Theguy who wrote about Lake Winnipesaki there, Walden Lake. Who was that fucking boring cunt that wroteall the poems? You know, everybody was freaking out all this shit he was saying. He was plagiarizingthe Native Americans. They already fucking knew. They already knew it was a great lake.
50:16All right, they have fucking twinkle toes with your stupid poems.The Native Americans had it right the way they were living. They lived off the fucking land.They didn't take more than they need that they needed, right? And when you got sick,some weird guy in your fucking tribe did a dance around you and then you died. And that was it.Okay. And it kept the herd thinned out. You know, he came out there with the skull of afucking snake or some shit on his head. Putting line dancing to shame is what this guy did.And then you fucking died. That's it. It was fucking over. Hey, you had a great 30 years. See ya.Whatever they did. That's not true. Geronimo, he lived for a while, didn't he?
51:03He used to get the senior citizen discount when he took the stagecoats. After a while, you know,once the white man took over, isn't that what happened? How the fuck did I get on this subject?Oh yeah, taking down the fucking tree. So now I got to take down this just, I got to take downthis fucking tree. So basically, I'm like, all right, so what if I take out the treethat really shouldn't even be here, that provides shade in an area that, you know,never had shade because it's actually your fucking desert. And you know, by the way,what are we all doing out here? Huh? We're all standing around trying to get a fuckinggoddamn guest star on the reboot of fucking TJ Hooker. Why are we out here? This fucking place
51:50just freaks me out. Absolutely freaks me out. Anyways, so now I got that. So then whatever.So they got it, then they'll put the panel on and then my electrical system will be complete.I can actually turn lights on in my house and not worry that somewhere in my house,there's a little flash of fire when I throw a switch because that's what was going on.That was going on while I had a minor gas leak.It's fucking unreal. I'm going to tell you right now, whoever buys this house after meis going to be, they're not even going to realize the goddamn goldmine that they walked into becauseall this shit that I'm doing does not add value to my house. This is all shit that should have
52:37been done right to begin with. You know, it's just when somebody, you know, inspects your house,they can't look into the walls. All they're looking for is the sweat marks on the walls and the cracksand can you roll a marble across the floor, you know, without even giving any effort, you know,they're just looking at shit like that. You know, I was kidding. They go walk on your roof.They go up there and they have a sandwich. They rubbed their balls for a couple of seconds.That's pretty good of Mike and leaves. And that's it. What's he going to get a bad recommendation?I don't remember who it was. You think I can find that guy's business card to warn other people? Oh,by the way, this guy came back with a little glint in his eye and said, this is a great house.
53:20You guys are going to be very happy. Congratulations. You got yourself a great house.Um, anyways, so whoever comes here next, and this is the thing, they won't even appreciate it.Just like the rich kid's son, you know, the son of a guy who fucking pulled himself up by his bootstraps, you know, got into insider trading, you know, fucking bootlegs, some booze across thefucking goddamn whatever the fuck it is. One of those great lakes. That is late. Fucking great.Right. Then he goes out and buy some palatial estate. He gets himself a trophy white. He getson top of her. Right. Boom. Nine months later, here comes this fucking jerk off.He's born with one of those fucking, uh, we call the one little piece of glass in your eye.
54:19Not a false eye. A monocle. He doesn't get a rattle. He doesn't get a baby fucking bear.They give him a monocle. That's how fucking rich this kid is. And he actually has a littlefucking a pocket watch. He's got a little pocket in his diaper. That's how much money this fuckingkid is born into. You think he gives a shit? He sits around and he's bored. Right.Grabbed a handful of Molly and starts rubbing up against the suit of armor and the fucking house.Right. That's what the fuck he does. You think he gives a shit or even even fucking knowsthat he's got state of the art, state of the art fucking electricityand in copper piping, going through that fucking 9,000 square foot cabana. No, he doesn't.
55:05Gee, Bill, you're kind of making yourself out to be a martyr. I am.Anyways, look at this fucking shit. Seven in the morning. I'm already getting fucking text messages.Just never fucking, never fucking ends. Never ends. So anyways,so that's the latest thing, but this is the thing. We got the hardwood floors inand a couple of you guys said, you know, after you've been bitching about this for so long,you better sense, you better put up some pictures. You know what I say to you? Fuck you.You're not seeing one goddamn picture of my downstairs. I am painting a picture with thebeautiful words of this wonderful language. No, I'm not showing you what the inside of my house
55:46looks like. You want me to upload what the inside of my fucking house looks like? So then what youguys can say it looks like shit and that I got ripped off and that I'm a fucking bigheaded moron.You think I don't understand how you guys operate at this point?I may have a Charlie Brown fucking head, but if you think I'm going to walk up and try tokick that football again, you're out of your fucking mind. All right. So anyways, this isthe Monday morning podcast, everybody. If you're new to it, welcome. If you're from another country,you stay put. You stay, you stay right where you are. We don't need you anymore. All right.All right. We're doing just fine with the immigrants that we're abusing over here right now.
56:34You set the fuck down. I don't even know what's going on. There's some sort of immigration thinggoing on in the news and everybody's fucking flapping their arms, right? And the guys in thered ties are going again, I'm the fuck out of here. And the guys in the blue ties are like,you know, I think everybody should have a right to be here. Right? Same old fucking shit.I love when they go like, well, the immigrants, you know, they do the jobs that Americans don'twant to do. I love how that they always put it back on like, they always get it off the rich guys.Like immigrants do the jobs Americans don't want to do. That's, that's such a fucking brilliant wayof saying that Americans don't want to be grossly underpaid
57:23for backbaked, breaking work that makes somebody else a zillion fucking dollars.Do you think those immigrants want to do those jobs? And I love when they sit there and go,look at this, they're happy. They're fucking happy. Bent over at the waste all day picking jelly beans.You want to fucking do that out in candy land fields? I don't think anybody wants to.They're basically saying, we can't get away with sweatshop labor in this country anymore.Because of unions. All right. And then they, but they spin it around. They got the Americansdon't want to do this job. You're telling me you couldn't find an American to go out and go picksome fucking apples if you paid them, right? Huh? Who the fuck wouldn't want to go out and go pick
58:04some apples? You get that bag, right? You're walking around out in fucking air. Nobody breathingdown your neck. You just up there picking apples like Johnny Apple seat. I'd love to be a fuckingapple picker. If you paid me, you know, you want to give me 30 cents a fucking month to go pickapples. Yeah, go fuck yourself. You pick the fucking apples. You'll see that they don't want to work.They don't have a work ethic.He's just Chris. Anyways,got to go find some guy that used to sleep on a rock under a fucking waterfall to do thatgoddamn job. Of course you did. Some guy walked here, you know, from Zimbabwe.
58:46Grab yourself a piece of fucking oak or whatever, some light peopine or some shit, right? And doggypaddled his whole fucking way over here. Yeah, you think he's scared of picking some applesfor no money? Doesn't give a fuck. He's happy to be back on the land. But you got to go to thatfucking guy, that level of struggle in life to find somebody to go out to go, you know,roll the cantaloupes in after the fucking harvest, right? Why? Because we don't want to do it orbecause we won't fucking work for a dollar a month. You rich cunt. Oh, I'm on a fucking tear thismorning. Unbelievable. So anyways, so they're putting a tile in on the bathroom. We're gettingdown to it right now. We're getting down. This is what I've learned from this fucking job.
59:33This is what you do. If you ever get any work done in your house,have the whole fucking thing designed, okay, before, you know, you have them evenfucking removed the first piece of fucking whatever, you have the whole thing designed,you have everything that you want put in there and you already have that fucking thing priced out.Then you order all this before they even start, you order all the fucking shit that you want putback, you put in a new kitchen, you order all of this shit that you want put back in and youstick it in your fucking garage and then you fucking take out a stopwatch and you go, all right,guys, go. And that's it. And you stay on top of them. You never fucking stop me. Actually,
01:00:17in the estimate too, you include the shit that they're going to put in afterwards because thesefucking assholes, if you go, yeah, what's the estimate to, you know, to get a new kitchen putin, 10 grand, you know, 10 grand is for them to disassemble the shit you have. You know,forget about all the bullshit they're going to find in the walls. Well, you know, we had a littlebit of a problem there. Some of the stuff here is not up the code. This needs to be three quartersof an inch of things. All that fucking shit's coming. And then on top of all of that, they'regoing to add the price for all the appliances and all the counters, all the countertops and allthat. And you'd be like, wait a minute, you, this wasn't in the estimate. And they're going to be
01:01:00like, uh, no, no, you know what you feel like when you do it? It's like the blues brotherswhen they thought the beer was free. Yeah, like, uh, you didn't like charges for the first one.So, uh, we thought they were like a freak. Oh, no, no, that's what your contractor does.All right. It's, there's no difference between buying a car and having some fucking assholework on your house. You have no idea what the price is, you know, like when you go down to buya car, what you want to get from those cunts is the out the door price out the door. What is thiscosting me? Don't fucking act like you're knocking the, oh, I'll take a grand off and then chargeyou 1500 bucks for the fucking, uh, rust proofing. You know, I don't know. This is just the ramblings
01:01:45of someone born without pigment. Okay. Why would you listen to this shit? Uh, all right, let's doa little bit of advertising here and then we're going to talk some shit here like I haven't beenalready. Let's get back into the podcast here. Um, all right. So last night I had Paul Verzi onspeakerphone and I had Jason Lawhead in my living room and we had a couple of pops. Paul was drivinghome or whatever. And, uh, we had this epic fucking argument. Um, it all started off with that guy inthe giants making that unbelievable catch, which immediately everybody started saying was the greatestcatch of all time, greatest catch of all time. And of course Paul Verzi, there's nothing Paul likesbetter than saying that something is the greatest of all time. And I'm just like Paul, that's without
01:02:37a doubt. It's got to be top two or three. And I'm saying that out of respect for the fact that I knowI haven't seen every great fucking catch. Okay. In NFL fucking history. I know I haven't just outof respect, but I know goddamn well, I'm trying to think of a better one that I ever saw. No,I don't think I can think of one. There's bigger catches, catches that happen in theSuper Bowl, but just as far as degree of difficulty without a doubt, that's, I mean, I, Iwouldn't think that you could maybe find one or two better than that. All right. But I do rememberback in the day when I used to watch Boston college and this kid with the mesh half shirtwas fucking running full speed jumped up in the air and with one hand just fucking reached back
01:03:22and behind his head and fucking just snagged this ball out like a fucking eagle BC eagle. Yeah,there you go. Snatched it out. Right. And when I, you know, was trying to find that catch on theinternet, I couldn't find it. So this is what Versey says. He goes, dude, he's like, Chris Carterjust said it's the greatest catch of all time. It's like, Paul, that's his fucking job. Oh,wait, it's his fucking job. ESPN's job is to tell you every fucking night that what you sawor what you're about to see is the greatest fucking thing you're ever going to see,because that's how they get their whore money. That's how they can afford to go out there andget the Corvette zero six with the fucking, uh, look at me over here, a fucking racing package.
01:04:08That's the job. I know Chris Carter is a fucking hall of fame wide receiver, but I mean, come on,the second you get on TV, you got to start flapping your arms. Okay. If they don't hear you,your fucking sport coat bumping up against your mic, they're not going to give you your paycheck.All right. Look what happened to Herm Edwards. Herm Edwards was a respectable human being whenhe played football and he coached football. Then he got on TV. I don't know what happened to the guy.That guy should have a red fucking nose on one of those horns. Every time he fucking says something,I don't even know if he's still on the show. I don't know if it was TV or he just snappedduring that one loss where he, you know, you play to win the games. If he just fucking something in
01:04:51his head just snapped because he goes on ESPN and he talks real low like this when he's setting uphis point. And then when he goes to make his point, all of a sudden he starts fucking screaming, right?He starts doing the curly shuffle, right? Oh, wise guy. Um, so anyways,anyways, so first he goes, dude, I just Googled greatest catches ever.He goes, it's a joke to say that Lynn Swan catching the Super Bowl. It's almost insulting.I love that he just, he goes on the internet. He doesn't even Google greatest one-handed catchever. He just Googles greatest catch ever. And then he sits down and watches some dentist'sYouTube video. This guy, right? This fucking guy, he just puts this together.
01:05:41And then that's it. That's, there you go. That's how I know. Some guy who works on ESPNsaid it's the greatest one ever. And then I watched some fucking random guys YouTube video.And there you go. That's it. It's done. Come on. I would love it to be the greatestfucking catch of all time. All right. But I got to tell you, he only did it last night.And according to my research, okay, in a 12 hour period, you cannot watch every greatfucking catch of all fucking time, professional and college level and all of that shit. But Iwould tell you that debt was definitely, I mean, there's no way that you could find two catchesbetter than that. I will say that, but I'm going to stop short of Paul Verzi slash Tony
01:06:25Kornheiser, which I'll never forget in September of 2007, watching the New England Patriots.It's just the greatest team ever. And then they end up losing the Super Bowl. It's like, you know,it's a real travesty is that Tony Kornheiser doesn't wear a fucking toupee that's barelyon his head. You know what I mean? Then you could actually see how over the top half theshit guys like that say, because every time they snap their head, it would go flying on the floor.And it would remind you to take it with a grain of salt that for as much as Tony Kornheiser knowswhat he's saying, he's standing in the middle of a three ring circus going, ladies and gentlemen,boys and girls, children of all ages. This is the greatest bad mitten championship he
01:07:09has ever fucking showed. So we went from that to then my fucking phone is blowing up here.Oh, conference call, conference call. I don't do conference calls.You have a conference call? No, neither do you. None of us want to be on this fucking phone callright now. Can somebody just say the thing that needs to be said so we can all hang up?Can I tell you something? One of the greatest things about doing what I do for a living isI don't have to have, you know, there's no like meetings. I don't want to try on someshit that I did. Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention last week, my comedians and cars gettingcoffee aired last week. And you know, I was actually talking to Mr. Seinfeld. By the way,
01:08:01that was one of the most surreal fucking things I've ever done to be sitting there with him,the king. Nobody did this business better. Well, I can't say Flip Wilson did it. Johnny Carson didit. Well, you just go out, you hit him, you hit him hard, you get your money and then you walk away.All right. And as they're talking on your shirt going, Hey, hey, you want to try to make a comeback?You want to try to do something else so we can just cancel it? You know, and put a little fuckingblack stain up against your name and they just go, No, you know what? I'm good. You enjoy yourself,Hollywood. I'll see you later. Flip Wilson. Did that flip Wilson had his fucking show?He was smart with his money. He invested the shit. And when the show was done, he's like,
01:08:48I'm out. See you later. Go fuck yourself. If you need me, I'll be at home rubbing my balls,watching the game for the rest of my fucking life. Right? Johnny Carson, look what he did. He endedup owning the show. He had his own fucking clothing line. You know, long before all those rappers did.Okay, they're all ripping off Johnny Carson, Johnny Carson collection.Some of the greatest plaid three piece suits you ever saw in your fucking life on here. You canlaugh at them. You can laugh at them, but you laugh at them. All right, you're saying you don'tlike anchorman. If you don't like anchorman, you're not an American. And according to some of thepeople I've seen screaming on TV, that means you need to get the fuck out of this country.
01:09:31How dumb is that countries? You know, why can't we all just be happy? We're not in the water.Right? Can everybody just fucking relax? Okay, I got shoes. You get sandals. How are you? How'sit going? Great. You know, I don't know what that thing is on your head, but you know, you seem toenjoy it. You want to come over and have some dinner? Why can't you just fucking do that? Whydoes it always have to be screaming and fucking yelling? It's goddamn ISIS horseshit. I swearto fucking Christ. I would love to see them try to fucking defeat Florida. You know,sitting there acting like they were a goddamn problem. Holy shit. There's fucking 30,000 peopleon the other side of the planet that don't like us. Well, thank God, we're on this side of the
01:10:15planet. I know we just stay over here and figure out how to make our cars run on Legos. And thenwhat are they going to be mad at? Huh? That they got nobody to shoot at? Fuck them. Okay. You knowwhat it is about America? We like back in the day, like one of those big fucking A&R guys thatcould actually take a band out of it, pluck them out of obscurity and give them a hit record.That's what America does with our foreign policy. No one would ever have heard of ISISif it wasn't for us. If our A&R guys didn't go over there and pluck them out of fucking obscurity,they'd just be over there, you know, no one would even know. They'd be like a garage band,you know, blowing up shit over there and no one would even fucking hear about them.
01:10:59All right. Why don't we walk away, tear up their contract and just fucking come on? Why don't wejust come home? We just do it. Everybody come on home. Let's just come on. Enough already. You'renot going to solve anything over there. All right. But we want the stuff in the ground. I mean,sorry, we're trying to try to give them freedom. Try to get freedom. Come on. Grow up. Okay. Butjust come on. Okay. We have beaches over here. What are you doing? We got oil here.Anyways, that was my version of what we should do with our foreign policy, having not read a goddamnthing about it. As far as I know, ISIS was some sexy broad in the 70s, you know, who was a rivalto Wonder Woman, you know, because everybody knows good looking bitches don't get along.
01:11:50And the only way, the only way two good looking women get along is it's so they can hate on othergood looking women and just sit there, you know, with their faces all fucking scrunched up. Hey,why does your face age, but the rest of your body doesn't? Or why does your face age faster?You know, like you ever see like an old stripper, their fucking bodies are gorgeous. And then theirface, she's like, wow, man, look at that body. That body looks 26. And you look at their face. Ah,she's 42. Or me, for instance, you know what I mean? Like if you guys saw me completely fucking naked,you'd be like, wow, man, I bet that guy's like 31. And then you see my face, you're like, holyshit, let's pick out a plot. Um, sorry, you know what, I'm not sorry, you deserve that. You deserve
01:12:34to picture me naked. So anyway, so we ended up having this fucking ridiculous fucking argumentwhere Paul Verzi, of course, was saying Babe Ruth was the greatest baseball player of all time.And then he said all the usual shit. He basically repeated shit that he heard on TV.He played at the dead ball era. Right. And, uh, lawhead was also trying to tell me, you know,yeah, he, and I was just saying, listen, I'm not saying he's not one of the great players of alltime, but he's not the greatest of all fucking time for the simple fact he didn't play against thegreatest. All right. He played in a segregated league with the Pedro Martinez, the Mariano Rivera's,okay, the Josh Gibson's, they weren't allowed in the fucking league.
01:13:23He didn't have to compete against Reggie Jackson. He didn't have to compete against these guys.They weren't allowed in the league. He was playing in basically a softball league. Okay.With the top third, what I would say would make, you know, would make the major leaguebaseball nowadays. Okay. But I get it. You got to think like two thirds of them wouldn't evenfucking been there. Then they try to do that shit. Well, Bill, there was only 10 teams,there's 30 teams now. Yeah. And there was also only fucking two billion people on the planet.Now there's seven billion. All right. So I'll knock off, like, I'll give him an X to 10%on his fucking numbers then. Like, give me a fucking break. All you got to do,
01:14:03dude, he played baseball when people died of tuberculosis.He played baseball like there was a hit song.And that song was written in the 1890s and every thought it was too fucking crazy.What is this devil music? God damn it. See what happens when you let him off the plantation,they get a piano. They couldn't even handle it. He played baseball. That was a hit.You know, people would just hear it and then sit around wondering when they were ever going to hearit again, because they had no device to play it on. Right. That guy came to town and everybodystood around him and they played a fucking piano. You see how they worked out back then?
01:15:04Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes,and only white guys, no black supporter, weekends, head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.Those big dumb fucking gloves that look like little people hands. Give me a fucking break.Not to mention Babe Ruth. I mean, they built a stadium towards his strength, that right fieldfence. Okay. You could, you could make a cop show with two toddlers and they could do the classicscene where the fucking cop chases the perp down the alley and he gets to the chain link fence andfucking jumps over it. You could, you could film that with two toddlers with the right field fencein Yankee stadium, the house that Ruth built. All right. You backed up to catch a fly ball.
01:15:54It hits you like mid thigh and you fell into some guy's lap. Right. So anyway, give me afucking break. All right. From 1930 on, I'll give it to you. All right. But if you played in theteens, you played in the arts, you played in the 1800s and even into the twenties, go fuck yourself.All right. And I feel like every, look, every like major sport has their three stooge's errorwhere one team won a bunch of fucking championships. All right. I love the Boston Celtics, but give mea break. You look at them in the 1960s. I mean, it looks like, it looks like a game being played atthe Y, you know, some Christian rec league. All right. The fucking Canadians won a bunch of Stanleycups when, you know, you had first dibs on any guy within a 300 mile fucking radius and a 16 fucking
01:16:45league. They had first dibs on anybody in French speaking Quebec. And we, we had, you know, we hadfirst pick of like the best guy from Vermont. Gee, did you go on a run? It's fucking ridiculous.Okay. And then the Green Bay Packers who were actually the fucking Yankees of football, you know,they, you know, they were winning titles when the Canton Bulldogs were still in thefucking league. All right. Give me, come on. Right.Football was like a, I think they played with a pumpkin back then. I mean, give me afucking break. All those chains, the whole star, the history, the blah, blah, blah. The only onesthat I will, that I will, I will recognize their championships without a grain of salt, I would
01:17:29say any of the New York Yankees from like the 1930s on. For the simple fact, they went Babe Ruth,Lou Gehrig, Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantel. And that's just nobody's, nobody's ever going to do thatagain. You're not going to get the Jordan of your error four times in a fucking role. All right.You're just not going to do it. So without a doubt, I respect all of that type of shit. But,you know, at the inception of these fucking leagues, when crazy legs, Johnson runs around,googly eyes, fucking Ulysses and give me a fucking break. Okay. He played in the dead ball,Eric. You don't understand. This guy had more doubles.Who was on the mound? My great grandfather.
01:18:14Going out of the bullpen. Oh, freckles. Was that the song they played when he came in?He said, enter Sandman. They weren't facing cut fastballs back then. I'm sure there was guysthrowing 90, 100 miles of fucking hour, but just the amount of bums that were in that fucking leagueback then. I don't want anyone to hear it. There was, there's a guy in the Hall of Famewho for good luck in baseball, he kept a section of rope that was used in an actual lynching.Okay. This is how long ago these fucking people played and you're going to sit there and act likein the inception of these fucking leagues. You know, look, and obviously in every era,there was a Jordan. All right. But just like the techniques and everything, some of the records
01:19:00that were set back then, they'd have a fucking heavyweight fight. It would go on for like a day.They'd have like a fucking, you know, a 90 round fight.Okay. Now listen, you're getting punched in the fucking head.But what kind of technique are you using?Who did bear knuckle fucking people? I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it.All right. The competition now is so much more insane.That I just think it would immediately, but I guess they would compete at the same level.But like just the fact that it's now everybody gets to compete and not to mention like, I mean,
01:19:40you can get fucking fathers out there. I'm trying to, trying to teach that kid how to throw a curveballto get, you know, get the family out of the trailer park when the kid's like six years old,stunting the growth of one of his fucking arms, you know, because they live in a fucking trailerand somebody's got a growth on their face that they want to have, they want to remove.Then all those kids going out there, you know,back in the day, you went out and you played catch with your little kid. Now you go out there andyou, from day one, you try to teach him how to switch it. It's insane. All right. So whatever,I'm just saying. So whatever, if you guys think Babe Ruth is the greatest baseball player,
01:20:19it's so hard to say because all you can go by is this guy's fucking stats.You played back, you know,it was probably a guy better than fucking Babe Ruth, but he got polio. You know what I mean?I mean, just, I don't know. All right, I'm done. I'm done fucking muttering here.All right, let's move on here. Oh, you just see the bills and Jets game was snowed out.I love when they have those big snow storms, right? And then everybody goes global warming, huh?And I got a buddy of mine for a shot who was actually on Conan O'Brien last week. He didn'tlet me know, you know, cause like most funny people, he's fucking humble. Okay. And didn't
01:21:03even fucking tell me, but he actually told me that that is a symptom of global warming.And I'm going to pause here for everybody, you know, who doesn't think that seven billion peoplepouring nuclear waste into rivers has any sort of an effect on the planet,you know, but a bunch of deer do. We're going to eat all the fucking trees. We got to get themout of here, man. Well, what about us? What do you mean? We're fine. Deers have an effect.Deers have an effect on, on the environment. You know, them things that don't drive carsor pollute lakes. Yeah. But us seven billion people who actually us here who actually put a holein the fucking ozone layer, spraying Pam into skillets. So our omelets don't stick to them.
01:21:56We do not have any sort of effect on the planet whatsoever.This, I mean, I don't know shit about this, but people are actually saying that that isthese giant snowstorms are actually a direct effect of the warming of the globe.Now, whether we do it or not, here we go. This is what this person says. The storms that buriedBuffalo, New York area and more than seven feet, 2.1 meters, if you're from another country,of snow this week, shattered records and shocked the residents, even, even in a region accustomedto dealing with heavy snow. The storms are certain to provide new fodder for climatechange skeptics who seem to embrace every monster blizzard as evidence that global warming doesn't
01:22:39exist. And yet the science behind these catastrophic storms suggest that they do not occur despiteglobal warming, but in fact, because of it. And he sends a link to the US India summit.Bring historic climate action, question mark. I know this person wants it to be true. So Iunderstand that I'm only reading one side of the argument here, but this is, this is actuallyinteresting to me. Part of what gave us the record lake effects, snowfall and Buffalo was warm,late fall, lake surface temperature that combined with something highly unusual,a five sigma event. Oh, shit. Well, that clears it up. What the hell does that mean?That is a very likely event on the, on the order of one in a million or remarkable, persistent.
01:23:26What's with all the big words, dude? Anomalous configuration of the jet stream,which brought frigid, frigid Arctic air down into the United States so early in the season.The cold winds traveling over the warm moisture laden lake created a perfect storm of conditionsfor record, uh, for record lake effects, snow. I think basically what they're saying is warmair can hold more moisture because the air molecules are more, uh, spread out and they'lllodge you. Right. And then that for what, I don't know that they don't explain why thefucking jet stream got pushed down, bringing the, so whatever. So frigid air hit this unbelievablywarm air. All right. And then what does that do? Ladies and gentlemen, we all know that cold air
01:24:17is high pressure air and high pressure wants to go to low pressure. And then what does it do?It fucking goes, slams into it and sends all that warm, moist air right up into the fucking sky.Right. Then it hits the dew point. What's the dew point, boys and girls? The dew point is thepoint at which when water, when moisture in the air becomes visible, also known as the cloud.And if it's on the ground, it's more known as fog. Yeah. So then what happens is, as that air movesup, it starts to cool. So the air molecules start to shrink and then you reach the saturation pointand then the fucking water drops. And then with that Arctic air underneath it, it fucking snowslike a motherfucker. All right. Now what happens there? I don't understand how the, how the fucking,
01:25:06whatever. I just, it's interesting. Whatever. I'll have the link up there. If you guys can, uh,translate it for me, I'd appreciate it. There you go. That was Bill Nye, the science, not the scienceguy. I got some of it right. You got to be impressed with the high pressure, low pressureshit, weren't you? Well, go fuck yourself. What are you impressed by? Huh? Your own bulls. Um,Sony's, what else do I have to do here? I mean, what, I mean, what else do I have to do for youpeople? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to read the last two advertising this week, you know.And if you actually paid to advertise on here, you don't like my reads. My reads are fucking greatbecause I even as much as I'm shitting on whatever I'm saying, it keeps people listening.
01:25:48All right. And they buy stuff. By the way, guess what I'm wearing a pair of? I'm wearing a pair ofme undies, me undies, no more sweaty balls. I'm wearing them. They sent them to me back to thisshit. And I watched a really cool documentary, um, called Nixon on Nixon, which is basicallythe tapes from the White House that he set up the Nixon tapes and then also interviewsthat he had. And, um, this guy puts Archie Bunker to shame, you know, but granted, it's also like,I mean, the guy taped himself for like six years, however long he was in office. He had one termand then he won the next one, I think within a year or so he was out. What six, 68 to 74,basically five, six years. So of course, all they pick out is when he's saying anti-Semitic shit,
01:26:40when he's saying, you know, stuff about minorities, his stuff about women. I mean, Jesus Christ,this guy, like he sounds like Archie Bunker, but, uh, it's just a really fascinating thing. I highlyrecommend it. And, um, just how like they say the press is the enemy, the press is the enemy.And how you think it's like this evil thing, like they're sitting there going like,yes, we must lie to the American people. Their view is literally the press is the enemy becausethey're distorting what it is we're trying to say, which is the classic thing where everybodythinks that they're doing right and it's the right thing. I'm a moron and I enjoyed it and Ithink you will too. Sure, we all do. Let's get to some questions here this week. Um, oh, by the way,
01:27:27I was in New York city, uh, barely had time to do anything. Uh, I went and I recorded, we, uh, wegot a, uh, a big time actor to do one of the roles on my show at this for family. Had a great timedoing that. And, uh, I can't fucking wait for this show to come out. We're doing the last recordstoday. And, uh, I'm not allowed to say, I guess some of the people that we got on this thing,and we signed another person to do it. And yeah, we're going to have to record today. Yeah. Um,so anyways, the stock market, uh, Billy market belt, are you involved? Are you involved the,are you involved in the buying and trading of stocks or mutual funds? Do you have a businessmanager diversifying your shit? Come to San Diego and go fuck yourself. That is an unbelievably
01:28:19personal fucking question, but I'll answer it. Um, this is what I think about the stock market. Ithink it's a, uh, I just, I think it's, it's, um, uh, it's like Vegas. It's just a crap table.And I think insider trading happens all the time. And I think there's people who go in and theydrive the market up and then they pull their money out and it falls down and then they fight,they buy it low and they do it all the fucking time. And the same people that do that put themoney behind these campaigns for the people who become president and only make $500,000 a fuckingyear. And that's why people look the other way. And then once they have you fucking 20 years,they throw a celebrity shift in, in jail to make it seem like they're doing something.
01:29:09Am I in the stock market? Uh, sort of, but not really. I'm super conservative and, uh,I just look at my retirement account that I just wanted to still be there.I'm not worried about it gaining interest. I'm just more worried about the sum of the money.Um, but I don't look at my retirement fund like it's even going to be there the way these banksare fucking running wild, as Hulk Hogan says, and nobody is trying to stop these guys. And I'velately been bitching about why we're still having fucking wards over in the Middle East,um, and fighting fucking terrorist groups of 30 fucking people who don't even have a fuckingairplane. You know what I mean? Like they're going to come over here and do something to us.
01:29:54And like, what, destroy this fucking company? Of course, of course, of course they could comeover here and they could fucking blow something up. Yeah. All right. We're going to survive that.We need to spend billions of fucking dollars over there going up to 30,000 fucking jerk offs.You know, meanwhile you got insurance companies and bankers raping everybody over here,and then you've got other people poisoning the food supply.You know, what do they got that that that they're so fucking powerful,like you're not even allowed to say what's in the food. You got this dumb shit you watch inthe world series and they have stand up for cancer and nobody's talking about the fucking food
01:30:37supply. And then if you criticize this, I'm standing up for cancer, like you don't give ashit about and they just start, they always just start yelling at people and they never yell at thefucking five fucking guys that they could actually change the shit. It's, it drives me up the fuckingwall. It's like that, that whole fucking no more campaign classic NFL classic NFL, like they'rereprimanding you like you were the one who didn't show that whole fucking tape.And then to the very least they're trying to say we're all guilty. It's like, no, you're guilty.You're cunt. So whatever. So that's what I say. I say, bring the boys and girls home.And you know, we start, we invade the fucking people that are putting all this crazy shit in
01:31:24the food supply. I'd start with that. I'd knock on some banker's house. You know,be like, what the fuck are you doing? You know, that's would make everybody's life way better.I would think rather than going after fucking 5000 people working out on a jungle gym.Billy, you're kind of oversimplifying things. Well, that's what I do.If you don't like it, listen to another fucking podcast. You want to listen to some of youreads? Yeah, go listen to Joe Rogan. There's an informed human being. All right. You listen tothe Joe Rogan experience to learn things. You listen to my podcast to feel better about yourself,to feel smarter. You know, does that make you feel good, honey? You're smarter than me. Well,
01:32:08fuck you. All right. Okay. Here we go. Farmer Bill. Hey, Bill, let's say the apocalypse goes down.I would take a steak knife and stick it in my neck. And I would hum jingle bells. And that'show I would end it. He goes, oh, anyways, he goes, you get to that farm and you realize you only havethree crops. Oh, you, you get to that farm? What farm? Did I say I was going to have a farm?No, Jesus. I didn't know you already, you already lost me two sentences in, but I'll keep reading.What do you grow? You might be living off these three fruits or vegetables for a while. So yougot to be smart. Also, you need to think about how you might combine them to change it up a bit.Thanks and go fuck yourself. First of all, I don't have to do any of that.
01:32:57I have to answer this fucking question and I resent the fact that you're telling me thatI have to do this when you can't even fucking, you're writing sentences as bad as I speak.But I'll answer it. I'll answer it. So I, when I get to that farm and if I could have three crops,what would I grow? Let's see here. I'd have two vegetables and a fruit, right?Would that work out? I guess I'd have some sort of lettuce.Well, first of all, the fruit, I like bananas. It's very hard to get sick of bananas. I couldeat a banana every day. Boom, banana, potassium. No matter what, I'm going to end up getting somesort of scurvy, right? Or maybe I need an orange. I'm trying to think of all this shit. What would
01:33:57happen when you get scurvy? You know what? I can't answer it. I'd have to read up on nutrition.I didn't know that there was going to be a test this week, everybody. If I was just going by taste,I would have a banana, some sort of lettuce. And then what's another vegetable that I like?I don't know, apples. Yeah, so my vegetables would be lettuce and apples.And then the fruit would be a banana. So there you go. Now I want to ask everybody who just listenedthere, like, how excited did you get that you thought that I actually thought that an apple was a vegetable?You know, and it made you feel better about you and your fucking stupid life.That for one second, you were right and somebody else was wrong. What does that say about you as a
01:34:48person? If you didn't actually just hear me say that and then actually feel sad, like, oh no,oh no, he's going to make a fool of himself if it actually made you fucking happy.You know, do you think that I'm going to wish you a happy Thanksgiving? I hope you fall face firstinto the gravy. What do you think about that right in front of your mom? And when you pick up yourfucking half burned up face and you're pulling that lot off your face, I would just love for youto see the disappointment in our eyes. That's what I want for you on this wonderful week for givingthanks. Jesus Christ, how fucking heavy handed are they going to be? You know,the NFL, right? This week when they do their fucking Thanksgiving games,
01:35:35you know, they're going to have like a camouflage fucking turkey for the troops.And then you know, there's going to be something about some disease.This is what they're going to do. They're going to say no more hitting womenwith a camouflage turkey leg,with a cancer riddled camouflage turkey while supporting the troops. That's what they'regoing to say. I think they're going to combine all of that. And at some point I imagine everybody'sgoing to stand up for some, for something. They're going to stand up for a disease. I stand up forcancer sounds like you support cancer, doesn't it? Stand up for cancer. Stand up for it.
01:36:16All right. How about, should it be stand up against cancer?Am I slowly losing my mind and like, I don't understand the English language all of a sudden?Am I getting some sort of, uh, I don't know. I don't know what the fuck. I can't even,I don't know what the fuck to tell you. I just, I just wish they would just play the games.Just show the game. I don't need you to try to make me be a better person.All right. I'm a piece of shit and I'm trying. Okay. I don't need to be fucking,like, I don't need you to be my fucking parent. All right. Fireplace, uh, Billy Claus.Uh, I'm thinking of, uh, oh, what about avocados? Gotta love an avocado.
01:37:03Hey, I'm back, uh, I'm back on my diet here. This is how I lose weight. I juice morningand lunch and then I try to eat fucking as veggie as I came for the rest of the fuckingday. And then you skip the rope. You skip the rope and it melts off you. That's it.Then you're done. Then you're in Billy Bob Thornton shape. All right. Fireplace,Billy Claus. I'm thinking, fixing, I'm thinking fixing up my basement. You're thinking offixing up your basement. The previous owner had a fireplace plastered over. It's either atraditional fireplace or a wood stove. Do you have any, I don't know how I'm supposed to assumeand understand that literally the way you wrote that, I mean, it sounded like behind the wall
01:37:43was either a traditional fireplace or a wood stove. Like who the fuck would have a wood stovein a wall? Um, do you have any feet? Well, maybe there is. Is there, when I think of a wood stove,it's, it's sitting in the middle of a room. Yeah, fuck. Now I gotta, I gotta Google image it.I got a Google image.When I'm going down the road, you guys just enjoy this music while I look this up.Why don't you fucking something wonder why, babe? When I'm going down the road,I used to do something, something else. Wood stove. Well, I can't sing and type at the same time.Image. Yeah, wood stove. Yeah, it sits out in the fucking, there it is. I'm doing what Paul
01:38:41Versey does. Dude, I Googled wood stoves and none of them were in a wall. Yeah, none of them are in awall. Okay. Someday I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul. Don't think twice. It's all right.All right. Fireplace. Hey, Billy Claus, I'm thinking of fixing up my basement. Previous ownerhad a fireplace plastered over. So it's either the traditional fireplace or wood stove. That'show you should have written. Do you have any feelings either way pros or cons on them on thematter? Oh, I'd go into the wall, dude. If you got a fireplace, man, they don't allow them anymore.You know, I don't know where the fuck you live where you could actually have a wood stove.I didn't think that they allowed that anymore. You could just have some shit coming out of the chimney.
01:39:35But you know, if you actually already have a fireplace, that system is already there.Yeah, but then the fucking chimney is going to be fucked up. And then you have to fix that. I would,you know, I would go the expensive route. That's what I do. I would, I would take it and I wouldhave the exposed brick. This is the original brick from the early 1920s back when Babe Ruthwas playing in a softball league. Dude, they would do in the Charleston when the guy was hittinghome runs. I mean, Jesus, give me a fucking break. Bop, bop, bop, bop. Like that was a hit song.Fucking women walking around wearing swimming caps. That's when guys had one piece bathing suitsand went down to your fucking knees and they had just stripes across it.
01:40:29They didn't even have a fucking lifeguard. You just went into the ocean and you drowned and like that.That was it. Nobody got sued.I don't fucking know. Anyways, yeah, I would, I would,I would unearth the fucking fireplace. That's what I would do.Anyways, hey, we're still trying to raise money for the All Things Comedy studio. We're gettingcloser by the day. We really appreciate everybody, your donation. Stand up for the new All ThingsComedy professional studio. We would greatly appreciate it. I'm excited. All Things Comedy'sAri Shaffir is taping a new stand up special this very week. Joe Rogan, friend of the Monday
01:41:14morning podcast. He has a new stand up special that just debuted on Comedy Central. Please lookfor that. The great Joe Rogan and rumor has it that I might be out at the ice house with himthis Wednesday night right before Thanksgiving. All right. And with that, we're going to end withthe little holiday song. Okay. Have yourself a happy Thanksgiving. Eat some turkey for me. Mashpotatoes and some fucking yams for you. And don't get into a fight no matter how much your brother'sa dick. Hello people. It's once again that time of year when douchebags on TV tell you to stop andthink about everything that you have. You know, millionaires on television sitting there gettingblown right before the take that they did to tell you to sit back and feel thankful for everything
01:42:12that you have. This is the thing. You know what would be a great goal is if you're going home forThanksgiving. Okay. Especially if you're in your college years and you're still, I fucking hate myparents. If you could just somehow go there and not yell at anybody, not get drawn into a fight.Okay. When one of your siblings who makes those passive aggressive comments because they're competingfor the attention of your parents because subconsciously they realize that despite whatyour mother says, you are her favorite. You know, you're just going to, I never had kids, butit's impossible. You got, I mean, you know, I love the Bruins. I have my favorite player.You know what I mean? Speaking of which, Jesus Christ, we got to get healthy.
01:42:59Good Lord fucking lost to the Canadians again. I actually sat down and I enjoyed the Rangersbeating the shit out of Canadians. Something that we haven't been able to do this year. Butyou know, you're going to have those let down games, but the Canadians look good. God damn it.Those bastards look good. Anyways, yeah. So why don't you do that? Okay.Do that, sit down and have some fucking food. I would love to have Thanksgiving this year,but I got dust in my fucking kerchief.You hear that? You hear the knocking downstairs? People knocking, but you can't come in. All right.That's the podcast for this week. Seriously, have yourself a happy Thanksgiving. Thank you.
01:43:37You know what I'm thankful for? That people listen to this podcast.Oh, and you know what I announced? I'm so friggin excited about this.Oh, Jesus, the hammering is coming now. We announced my Australian tour on the internet,and we got to get the dates up on my website, but I'm going to be going to basically all themajor cities in Australia, except for the one that begins with an A that I got a bunch ofshit from where people were giving me, you know, but not going over there. I'm just taking a 20 hourfucking flight to Perth. Can you also fucking come here? Why don't you guys get on a choo-chootrain? Do you guys even have trains in Australia? Were you able to build them or did the fucking
01:44:25everybody want to build them get bit by a fucking some ridiculously inland something or other?It has enough venom to kill 200 elephants because there's no fucking food supply out of that. Sowhen they bite you, they got to make a sure it counts. Yeah, why don't you why don't you do mea solid and just, you know, I'll take a 20 hour flight and you can jump on a fucking train for45 minutes, drink some little creatures, beer. Oh man, I can't wait to drink that shit when I'm overthere. Oh, let me tell you, Billy's going to get fat when he's over there. And then I'm going to goto New Zealand. And I'm going to do two dates over there. And rumor has it that I might beadding some Asia, some Asia dates on to this tour. And to give you an hint, to give you a hint,
01:45:17let's see, how can I let me see if I know enough about any of thesecountries to give you a hint. All right, I'm going to give you a hint. One of these,I'm going to be going to the land. Anybody who's English speaking in the crowd will be eitheran expatriate or a telemarketer. All right, come on people, where's the telemarketers from?When you call up, hello, my name is Frank, right? Where are they from?I'm going to do a stand up show in a country where I could maybe possibly get caned afterwards.Quivering butt cheeks over there. I'm going to do stand up possibly in a city whereright off the coast, there might be some, right in the water, right in the bay, there might be some
01:46:06old army helicopters under the water. And then I'm also going to do a show in a country where,oh Jesus Christ, how do I fucking do this one? I'm out of definitely a bunch of expatriates.It's English speaking in a country that Nixon actually broke the science,the science, broke the silence with one of his big moves that he did during his presidency,was he actually went and had a big meeting with these guys. All right, there you go.It's going to be an insane tour and I'll probably lose money on most of the nights,especially with those last ones. I mean, and you know where the fuck I'm going to be performing,but I'm going. God damn it. Why the fuck wouldn't you? That's it. And anyways, everybody have a happy
01:47:01Thanksgiving. You know, come on, they're your family. You love them. Don't get drawn into the fights.What's up, everybody and welcome back to the anything betterpodcast NFL edition where we will preview week number 12 of course sponsored by the best sponsors,the best lines makers out there. It is the bet MGM guys. Bet MGM is the best lines out there,the best available lines always live. And how do you get bet MGM? You go, you download the app,you use bonus code burr, B, U, R, R, you put a minimum of $10 in and you can get up to a thousanddollars matched in free bets. All you got to do is put the bonus code burr, B, U, R, R,put as little as 10 bucks, they will match your bet up to 1000 bucks, even if you lose your bet.
01:48:37So there you go. There you have it. We we gain some on you. We gain some on the book this week,Bill gains half of a game. I finally did the fucking unimaginable.You sure I'm not one. I was wasn't one two and one. I don't think I was two one and one.Andrew said I was two one and one. I thought was one two and one.You pushed with the Falcons and the Bears. You won with the bills.No, I didn't. I thought the bills was eight and a half.It was seven and a half. You won. Oh, okay.And you won. Okay, then I get it. I get it because I thought I lost the bills. I thought that was
01:49:17eight and a half. Nice. Oh, you listen back. Well, listen back. Hey, the proof is proof is in therecording. I was going to fucking sit there and be like, Jesus Christ, because I thought I lostanother one because of the fucking prevent defense. No, they just stopped playing ball.They play defense the whole game. They just stopped fucking playing. And then there is a touchsound. No consideration. So that's great. Don't don't let them get behind you. What about megetting behind the book? They take care? What about my prime, Mick? You had a prime.You know, not every team does that though. Thank God. Thank God they don't who doesn't do it.The Giants don't do it. I didn't see the Chiefs doing it this year. The Chiefs I think learned
01:50:03after last four. What's that? Dude, they do it when they're up 14 points.And they got to win by eight and a half 15. They fucking do it.And dude, it really sucks as a better. It really does suck as a better to knowto know that. All right. Yeah, I'm up 21. We covered and all of a sudden starters come outand everybody lays back. It's so fucking stupid. It's like you pick the right team and then theymake you pick the wrong one. Well, here's the best part, Bill. You gained half a game. I finallygot out of the fucking gutter and we are Andrew. What are the records now? No, if I'm two one andone, I gained one and a half games. Yeah, Bill, you are at a hairline split. You're at 2020 and four.
01:50:52All right. So that's two games above. And Paul, you are 21, 22, and one.So all right, we're right there. We're right there. We're right there, man. We're right there.Like you're a half game back, Paul. Strong last few weeks. Strong last few years.Strong last three. But hey, it means nothing. It means nothing if you give it back.Let's get into this week. Let's guys. I sound like a coach, right?I sound like a coach. Don't get excited. Okay, you got to go out there and do it again.All right. So here we go. We go into the picks. This is week number 12. So I had the first pickthis year, which is the odd numbers. So Bill, you have first pick this week.
01:51:39Yeah, I don't understand why the Colts are 10 point dogs and a division rivalry against theCowboys. Is there something I don't know? Is your quarterback hurt?No, the Cowboys, that's not the right game. Cowboys are playing the Giants on Thanksgiving.That's what I'm saying. The Giants, I remember I said the wrong thing.Oh, you said the Colts. You said the Colts. All right. Why are the Giants getting 10 points?I'm going to tell you why, dude. And I hate to admit this as a Giant fan, but we lost one of thebest cornerbacks and basically a Pro Bowl cornerback this year. Adoree Jackson is out.You want to know why? Because they decided to let him be a punt returner.
01:52:17Every time a star is a punt returner, guess what? He fucking gets hurt. Let that be a specialteams guy. Let it be a special teams or like a third or fourth fucking wide receiver to do it.Okay. They kicked the ball back so far back now anyway. You're not getting, it's not worth.The risk is not worth the reward. Okay. How far does a guy get? They shouldn't even kick off.I don't give a fuck, Paul. I give a fuck. The Cowboys had a big game. They had a big game lastfucking week. They ran all over the Vikings. It's a division rivalry. You lost the cornerback.I'm getting 10 fucking points as the Giants. Historically, I don't give a fuck. They're agreat defensive team. I'm taking the Giants on the road against the Cowboys getting 10 points.
01:52:57All right. I like, I mean, look, I hope, hey, I want that to be a win like you, like you read about.You want a straight up win?Yeah. All right. So I'm going to go with my first pick for week number 12.I'm going to go, where is it here? Man, this is a tough one, dude.You are starting on Thanksgiving with 10 points, which is good. Hold on.I'm fro. Oh, here we go. NFL. All right.Dude, do I go Buffalo Bills? Buffalo Bills are given nine and a half points in Detroit.Detroit just won three games in a row. They are at home. This is kind of their big one.
01:53:51I'm staying away. I'm staying away from it. I take the Lions because the fucking Bills aregoing to be up by 14, 15, and then they're just going to fucking give them a touchdown.But I was going to go either way. I'm taking my new theory, Paul. If it's north of eight,eight and a half, take the dog. You get a Vikings Cowboys game, but generally speaking,the team, the favorite's going to cover it. And then the end, they just fucking give it.It's dude, it's ridiculous. They don't even take away the sidelines. I actually can't argue thatbecause I've seen that happen all but once this year. So numbers would say that that's right.And nine is a lot, especially on a Thanksgiving game, but I'm going to take
01:54:32three free timeouts and a 20 yard fucking cushion and four shots at the fucking end zone.Then we're going to start playing deep. I'm going to take the Minnesota Vikings beatingthe Patriots by three. It's minus two and a half. I think Minnesota got so humiliated last week,40 to three. And they're playing, you know, I don't like that the Patriots couldn't score morethan fucking three points on the Jets for three hours. I normally wouldn't do that, but I'm goingto take the Vikings to have a bounce back game and we have to score seven points at two hoursand 59 minutes just to let you know. So we did score seven.I think that the defense is going to rush Mack Jones and turn, you know, make them make some
01:55:17mistakes. I'm going to take them to win by a field goal on Thanksgiving night.All right. I like the Atlanta Falcons getting four and a half first to commanders.It's a great fucking pick. I was thinking, dude, the Falcons just come back. You look at 135,they're down 28 and then all of a sudden at 350, it's a tie game. I believe in Marcus Marriota andI also think, you know, I just fucking, you know, I just, I'm a little jaded here, Paul. Just,just stay away from me this week. I'm going to ruin the party. Oh, you, oh, okay. Somethinghappened. I'm just fucking, I'm just fucking, I mean, I get given up the middle of the field,but just giving them the sidelines and everybody, dude, back in the day, you had to be Joe Montan,
01:56:08you know, even practice the two minute offense. What is the two minute offense? The fuckingdefense gets off the field. Stay away from me this week is one of the, it's like you get likescratched by a zombie and you don't know if you're going to turn. So you just tell the people youlove. The cover has been getting me fucking all goddamn year and I've had it. I'm trying to kickthat football all year, Paul. I ain't doing it anymore. I'm going to take, I'm going to ride itagain, man. I'm going to ride it again. I'm going to take the Indianapolis Colts motherfuckeron goddamn paper, you son of a bitch, you were fucking Raiders and Packers all year. I rode thefucking Colts in Tennessee. Now you are some Packers over my shoulder. I'll tell you what,
01:57:05finally jumping off that Packers train is why I'm fucking trying to make a comeback, dude. It'sover and I can't believe I'm saying it. I'm going to take the Colts to beat the Steelers, dude.The Steelers quarterback just isn't the guy. It's just not the, you learned it by watching me.All right. No, you took the Colts the first three weeks of the season and then I tookthem three fucking weeks. Nobody owns a team. I'm just being, I'll tell you, Paul, stay away fromme this week. Minus two and a half. All right. Minus two and a half. I got one for you, Paul.The fucking Rams are getting 14 and a half points in the division rivalry game against the Chiefs.I'll take that. I'll watch the Chiefs go up by 21 and then stop playing defense and give them a
01:57:47fucking touchdown. I think the Rams got more pride than that, Paul. I think their fuckinggood looking coach is done getting lap dancers in the back room at Applebee's and I think maybehe's thinking his house is on the fucking line and I don't think they're going to lose by that much.He gets the unlimited ribs at Applebee. Keep the racks coming. My goal this week, Paul, is Iwant to start collectively plus 85 points. I'm not going to get trapped. I almost got trappedby the Raiders again. Dude, I almost just took the Raiders. I was going to take the Raiders lastweek and they covered against the fucking hapless Broncos. Dude, there's some kid on the internetis doing this fucking hilarious thing that should have been over by the beginning of October.
01:58:40It was like at what point is fucking, oh my God, I can never remember his fucking name.The quarterback, I fucking love him. He's like one of my favorite quarterback.Quarterback for the Broncos. Russell Wilson. Oh, Russell Wilson.Russell fucking Wilson. There's something about that name Russell. You've been slipping thatguy's name all season long. And I love him. And I don't blame him for the Broncos situationwhatsoever. I'd love it if the past got him. Dude, Russell Wilson's kid's been doing this thingon Twitter. Going at what point during the season will Russell Wilson have more touchdownpasses than he has bathrooms in his mansion. And he still has more bathrooms. And he talks
01:59:27about the bathrooms like they're a team. Bathrooms getting it done again this week.It's 14 bathrooms that I touched out. I love that.It's fucking hilarious. Oh, I love that. All right, for my third pick,for my third pick, I'm actually, this is one that could bite me, but I'm going to takethe Broncos are given 13 and a half and I'm going to take the Broncos. And here's why.They're coming off a bye week. And I have seen nothing week in and week out from the Texans.And when I mean nothing, I mean, you want to talk about hapless, quarterback throwing up fuckinggifts to the D backs. I think Miami spread 13 and a half. I'll tell you this, they got a fucking
02:00:17maniac genius as a head coach running this new fucking offense that utilizes Tyreek Hill andthat other guy. You seen that shit? They put Tyreek Hill in fucking motion and then they stackthem and he starts running past them. And they don't know what to do. Yeah, his name is MikeMcDaniel. Do you know that he's best friends with Dan Soder, comedian Dan Soder and the head coach ofthe Miami Dolphins have been best friends since seventh grade? You know what's funny is I looklike the head coach of the bills and Nick Crow looks like the head coach of Miami. We shouldwatch a game together wearing those colors. With headsets. Who are you gonna say, Andrew?It's Broncos Panthers. It's Broncos Panthers this week and the Panthers are getting two and a half.
02:01:05No, but I'm taking the Dolphins Texans. I thought you said Broncos. No, no, no, no, I was talkingBroncos. I thought that you said Broncos. I'm taking the Dolphins minus 13 and a half.They're going to win that game by over 20. All right, Paul, I'm having fun this week.I'm having fun. I don't give a fuck. It's the holidays. I like Thanksgiving. Unlike you,I got all my relatives coming over and they're fucking smooth, Paul. No lumps in the gravyover there, right? I'm going to take the Saints get nine and a half versus 49ers and they'refucking unbelievable defense and all that. I think they're going to be unbelievable defense.So right at the end of the fucking game, I like, I don't want to talk bad about Italians,
02:01:54but I don't know. I just see Jimmy G throwing a fucking pick. I don't know why I see an end zonepick. What are they doing? They left it on the fucking or they're going to go for it on fourthdown fourth and goals that are kicking the field goal because everybody thinks for some reasonthat leaving fucking three field goals on the fucking table doesn't matter if the next timeyou go for it. You go one of those times you get a touchdown. They go for it fourth and goalthree times in a row. They come away with seven points and they think that's better than nine.Dude, I call it millennial math, Paul. You have text messages from me for many, many years going,why didn't you kick? Why didn't you kick? It's half a touchdown. It's half a touchdown.
02:02:39I don't understand. Take the fucking points. Almost half a touchdown with the extra points.Fucking stupid. Take it, man. Fucking guys can kick 50 yard yard is now like the 50 yard is likethe new 45 yard to do. Nobody's kicking 50 yards back when, when the fucking field goal kickerwas in the same shape as an NHL goalie. That's where you put your fucking non-athlete back inthe day. Fucking European guys over here. They come over here barefoot and they couldn't dealwith how much steak and toilet paper there was. They didn't have to stand in a line. They didn'tknow their head was spinning. No one could hit a 50 yarder back then. I watched the game this week.A guy kicks a 60 yarder and all of a sudden they were like, wait a minute, we didn't review. Yeah,
02:03:24you told me about that. We didn't review. And then they, and then they go, all right. And they askedthe coach, the coach goes, let him kick it again. And four minutes later, he banged it even betterthe second time. Two 60 yarders in a row. Hey, that's what she said. Okay. Hey. All right. So howmany, do I have one more left? All right. Yeah. Dude, I was talking to Bart, Nick. He goes,I think they should just get rid of the kicking game all together. Well, that I disagree with.On a percent. That's like all of that dumb shit where it's just like, they should coach a game.Fucking go for it. There's no strategy. There's no nothing. This is my deal, Paul. If you don'tlike defense and you don't like kicking, like the fucking idiots last year who thought the cheese
02:04:10first, the bills was one of the greatest football games they'd ever seen in their life. It's like,what the fuck? What were you watching? That was the most atrocious defense in a playoff gameI've ever fucking seen ever. That was great for a video game with your buddy. Yeah, that's greatif you don't want to win a championship. And guess what, Paul? Neither one of them won afucking championship last year because their defense sucked. Oh, dude, you left me a two minute.You left me a two minute audio message after that game.It's just like, you know what, Paul, I swear to God, this defense is, does anybodygoing to play defense? Dude, 13 seconds, you can't allow that. Dude, it was like watching
02:04:50fucking Rocky three where every punch you like, dude, that would have knocked somebody out.That would have knocked somebody out was stupid. Dude, my favorite thing about thelike Nick Cage should have been one of the quarterbacks. Dude, if you listen to the soundeffects of Rocky three when they connect, you know, when clubber line connects, it looks likeit would kill somebody. What about the fact that he growls like a grizzly bear?It's fucking supernatural. When he was doing the sit ups.Good villain, though. Good boxing villain for a movie. Dude, it's a great fucking movie. I'mnot coming down on Rocky three. Okay, it's a movie. No, I'm watching a fucking NFL game that
02:05:34looks like a movie. That's weird. Dude, as an Italian, Rocky's the closest thing to Godfatherto me. Dude, it's it's dude sliced alone. What he did for me, dude, when he beat the Russian andRocky four, dude, my life changed. I'm not even joking, dude. I like ran outside and thought Icould do anything like that's why that guy's not really Russian Paul. That was an actor.But I know, I know, but you know, the dude, I mean, I'm never going to get rid of this path,by the way. I mean, did Rocky help stop the Cold War? I think he did. All right, here we go.Name and Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan kept getting more and more missiles.They put Ronald Reagan statue next to Rocky statue.
02:06:17Gorbachev was like, you know, the the not quite as hot chick that hangs out with theinfluencer. That's what he was. And he was trying to buy all the same red bottom shoes and hecouldn't keep up. And that's what happened. What happened was we he was a fucking human being,as opposed to now we got a dementia guy and a fucking sociopath. Dude, you know what theyshould have had, Bill? They should have politician playing cards. How fucking dope would that be?Like having a having a George Washington would be like having a Babe Ruth.Be like, yo, I got trading cards. I got that grant. I got I got that grant.I got that grant rookie card when he didn't have the beard yet.
02:07:06You know, historically speaking, generals have made terrible fucking presidents.Um, has reality show stars and people with dementia.Not good presidents for sure. All right. So so far I have what do I have? Andrew,I got the Vikings. I have the dolphins and Colts dolphins at Colts and my fourth and final pickgoing into week number 12.Poof. Um, Hey, Paul, I'm up 34 and a half points collectively this week.Yeah. No, dude, you're, listen, nobody could question you. I'm just, I'm just, this is thething. I think the NFL just wants fucking close games. I'm going to tell you, dude, I'm petrified
02:07:56of this Bengals Titans game. One and a half. It's a pick them. It's basically a coin toss.I stayed away from that. It's in Tennessee. All right. Oh, Paul Bursey coming over tofucking coming over to Bill Bursey cheat sheet. I'm gonna go to Tennessee. I didn't take Tennessee.You're on your way. You're on your way. I'm not taking you're on your way. Paul, I don't own teams.I'm just, I told you, stay away from me this week. I'm going to take Tom Brady off of a buy week.I don't like that it's three and a half. I don't like that it's three and a half,but I like that it's Cleveland. And I think that, uh, I think the Buccaneers got their defense alittle bit of rest. I think they'd win that game by a touchdown or six. I'm going to take the Tampa
02:08:47Bay Buccaneers to beat the hapless Cleveland Browns minus three and a half. I love that pick.You do. I love that. I didn't see that. And then once you broke it down, you know, Paul,you're looking a little rushed in these days. You know what the shaved head and that fucking,you know, that dark beard. Dude, I'm down. I'm down 12. I'm down 12. I'm down 12 pounds.Paul, I don't give a shit about your weight. I want to know what you're doing against the Bucky.You don't care from Fat or skinny. What are you doing? Hey, Paul was plus 12 at the beginningof this season. Now he's a favorite. He's minus 12. Dude, is there anything better than losing12 pounds right before Thanksgiving? Dude, I haven't had a drink in almost 20 days. And I got to be
02:09:42honest with you, man. I don't think I'm picturing you with the Thanksgiving with your arms tiedbehind your back with your face in the plate, like a pie eating contest. I lost 12 pounds.Somebody get my change. Dude, I don't want to drink, man. I hate the way I feel after I drink now.It's over, man. Oh, it's the worst. Dude, it's two glasses of wine. I feel horrible in the morning.I'm tired. I don't want to get out of bed. I've been drinking 20 days. Paul, it's for young people.Let them have their fun. We had our fun. I'm not going to shit on drinking totally. But when youget to be our age, Paul, you know, when you're as old as a second semester fucking senator,state senator at that point, you got to hang it up, right? Second term. Is that what they call it?
02:10:30Bill, we're getting killed on a Monday night special, buddy. I mean, we just can't do it.Because they went to mercy on us. They changed the fucking rules. And then that's what happened.The competition committee. Yeah, we gave them a couple of hits. They had a meeting. Some people,you know, the pens flew. All right. So this is the overunder on. I want to fucking I want tobet on. Can you bet on the Westminster dog show? Me and my wife do that with each other every year.I think you can. I don't know if it's two years in a row. And I just haven't I'm fucking I can'tsee the dogs anymore, man. I'm not me stealing your line. What? What do you think, Bill? You knowwhat time it is? Oh, let the Monday night special with some money for you. Let the Monday night
02:11:24special. We got to hit one this week. It is the Pittsburgh Steelers going into the IndianapolisColts and the Colts are laying two and a half and the underovers 39. I like the Colts. I likewhoever the Colts quarterback is to throw a fucking touchdown. What's the under over? Oh,I brought Ryan back. Matt Ryan's back. I thought they benched him for the kid. And then when theygot the new coach, they put him in and he had two really good games. That's what I would think.Dude, the fact that they're blaming Matt Ryan that the Colts stinks, the fact that they're blamingRussell Wilson that the Broncos say Russell Wilson was the shit with Seattle. Matt Ryan was fuckinggreat with Atlanta. All right. But a lot of times the shit. And then all of a sudden they go on
02:12:09these teams and what they forgot how to play quarterback because they got traded the fuckout of here. The Colts stinks and the Broncos stinks. Well, here's the thing though. The reasonwhy Russell Wilson, they're not playing for him is because he pulled an Ellen bill. He pulled anEllen. Oh, stop with that fucking real housewife for shit, Paul. I don't give a fuck. You won'tgive me my cell phone number. Really a million dollars a year to go out and play football. Idon't give a fuck. If you saw your if you saw your teammate doing cartwheels up and down theaisle of the plane when you're sleeping for four hours, I wouldn't annoy you. And he's not givinghappened. What's that fucking sports reporter told you that we never got picked in gym class?
02:12:53I think Bronco players were complaining about his. That's where they got it from, I think.But what do they tweet about it? What kind of a man rats out his fucking quarterback? He's doingit. He did a little Molly after the game. He wants to feel the rug on his feet and his hands.It's not wrong with that. All right, so then that's what we're going to do. We're going to goMatty. I used to throw one. We're going to go over over 39 and the Colts. I didn't say over. I didn'tsay what's what's it's 39 and who they're playing the Steelers. You said over, didn't you?I don't I don't know what I said. Okay, 39. They're playing the Steelers.I think the Steelers scored a bunch of points next week, and I don't think that they're going to do
02:13:38it again. Okay. All right, we'll go under. Listen, that's a coin toss. I don't like how easy yoursuede here, Paul. You're not pushing back. No, you want to know why? Because the under over isruined ever because the under over is a coin toss. It's it does. There's no skill in it,unless it's raining, unless it's weather. So I'll ride with you whichever way you want tofucking go because it's stupid. All right, stop yelling at me.All right, we'll go under. And I love them to win the game minus two and a half.And I love you. I love you. Dude, are you still sick?Well, when you're fucking screaming your act, and you have a cough for an hour and 20 minutes
02:14:25every fucking weekend, and you do 19 podcasts a week, it's kind of hard to get over a cough.That is true. I got over the cold. The cough is feeling pretty good. But like, you know,I blew off, I couldn't do the Monday morning podcast this week, but now I got to do theThursday one. You know why Paul? Because there's a bunch of guys out there in loveless marriages,having people coming over for Thanksgiving. And as they're sitting there carving the turkey,they're thinking like, what if I just took this knife and stuck it right in the neck of my fuckingwife's brother and love's brother or whatever, right? They can't do it.They ride out another holiday, Paul. I'm going to carve the turkey. I'm the turkey
02:15:10carver in this house. You know what gets them through it, Paul? A fucking podcast done by acouple of knuckleheads to bed on football. That's right. That's all like some guys, Paul.Some guys, Paul, that's all they got. Listen, I want to say something here. And I want to,you know, I've been very humble as much as I can on this podcast this year because I was losing.But a lot of tweet, a lot of Twitter people came at me going, oh, Paul, the picks are real roughthis year. Oh God, you guys are shit in the bed this year. I just want to say, listen, it's notover yet. And that could happen. But you know something, just tweet now. I just want you totweet now. Oh, he was eight back and Bill was four. But guess what? We're right there.
02:15:52Fucking asshole. It's a long season. How about that? Hey, Paul, they're quitters.Quitters. They're quitters. They don't like their life and they want you to fail. So they're sayingall of this shit. Yeah, it's what they do. That's why I don't watch fucking ESPN and all that fuckingbullshit. Like, why do I need to know that guys doing a cartwheel down the fuckingfirst of all, that's impressive. That's not a wide aisle. Well, I was joking about the cartwheel.He was doing that like high knee shit and his like calisthenic workout like on the plane whilepeople were sleeping. I'm going to be honest with you, dude. I'm going to be honest with you. Thisis just me, maybe not you, me. If a guy tells me I'll have my people give you my number and then
02:16:36I'm sitting on the plane with a mask on trying to sleep and he's fucking running down doing that.And I got to block for him and fucking risk my life for that asshole on Sunday. For me,fuck that guy. That guy should be taking people out. I disagree with that. Buy some shrimp forthe team. I disagree with that, Paul. 100%. Be fucking pro. Risk in your life. You're fucking300 pounds. You get to eat whatever the fuck you want as alignment. You get to pay millions ofdollars to protect the guy. That's your fucking job. Your job is not to be friends with them.Okay. Dude, guess what? Kevin McHale and Larry Bird went friends. They didn't fucking hang out.And Kevin's like, we don't need to be friends. They're fucking pros. And I remember one time
02:17:18the fucking Celtics kicked the shit out of this team in the first game of the playoff.And one of the guys in the other team goes, yeah, they better be ready. They better be ready forgame two. And fucking Kevin McHale goes, you should be ready every night. It's the NBA.So you're going to sit there and pout and not block as good because you can't get the fuckingquarterbacks phone number. I don't think you go out on the field with a dress on.I don't think they're not blocking shit. No, I don't think they're not blocking for them. I justthink they don't like them. But I think they're still, you know, so what? Yeah, I'm just saying,you're suggesting because they don't like them because he didn't give them their phone number.
02:18:00Right. They couldn't go take a dump in one of his 14 fucking bathrooms that now that they'renot going to block as hard. I just think a team needs to have chemistry and love the cohesiveness.You need the owner. You need the GM. You need the coach and you need the players. They got the player.They got the quarterback. That's one of the best quarterbacks in the league. And all of a sudden,he goes from Seattle to this fucking court. He goes from Seattle with Pete Carroll. Yeah. To thisfucking jerk off, not a jerk off, but a franchise that's in a jerk off moment in their history.And now he's taken all the heat. Stupid. He's not the problem.No, I if you're a lineman and he won't give you his fucking number, get over it.
02:18:40You're 300 pounds. You can go to a titty bar and get blown in the VIP room. And that's not enough foryou. It's a good point. It is a good point. It's a good point.The rest of your life, you're going to sit there with your aches and pains thinking, you know,I could have tried a little harder. You had me at you could eat anything you want.All right, everybody. Well, this has been let's hope we keep this thing going. Oh, Bill,if we come back next week, don't talk to me about hope hope hope gonna pay your rent.Well, happy Thanksgiving, guys. Oh, by the way, everybody, if you have just recently joinedus and I want to say this again, if you don't like our underovers on the Monday night special,
02:19:31you could roll with our pick for, you know, you could roll with our pick for who's goingto win the game, you could take the cult, you could do all that stuff. And we thank you guysfor jumping on that. We want to win you some money, we will we use some money. And we're goingto we're about to be close to the book there. So just all you got to do if you want to ride withus and bet, go to bet MGM, download the app, use bonus code burr, be you are are very simple,put as little as 10 bucks in, and they'll match your bets up to $1,000 in free bets,even if you lose, guys. So there you go. Collectively between you, you're my record,we're over 500, picking eight games a week against the spread. I think we're doing all right.
02:20:08I got to say, if we can be close to where we are now after this year, that's 36 weeks, guys.That's 36 weeks against the spread. I told you, I went on Good Morning Football on the NFL Networkand they go, Paul, we want you to pick a game for the week. It'll be fun. And in between thecommercial, I go, Hey, dude, is this against the spread? And they all burst it out left and go,and no. So there you have it, everybody. Those are our picks going into week number 12. You gotmy four picks, you got Bill's four picks, you got the Monday night special, you know, to downloadthe app, use bonus code burr, be you are are put your money in and they will match up to $1,000as little as 10 bucks. We want to wish you from us to you from our humble little show,
02:20:48anything better NFL preview, we want to wish you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy thefood. Enjoy the family. Have yourself a happy Thanksgiving. I hope you hit all your bets. Bythe way, Thanksgiving real quick before we get out of here, not one game with the Lions, not twogames with the with the Cowboys. They're going three games. You get the Patriots and Vikings.Let's be honest, guys, it's a fun, fun Thanksgiving. So be safe. Enjoy everybody. And we will see younext week. I don't know why I did this. I love that. I want that to be your new thing.And we will see you next week. I love that. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. And remember,guys, Tibet, you got to be 21 years of age or older to wager in Arizona, Colorado, DC, Iowa,
02:21:46Indiana, Kansas, Michigan, Mississippi, New Jersey, New York, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Tennessee,Virginia, West Virginia, or Wyoming only new customer offer paid in free bets. Visit betmgm.comfor terms and conditions. Excludes Michigan disassociated persons. Please gamble responsibly.Gambling problem. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP for Arizona. Call 1-800-522-4700 for Colorado,DC, Nevada, Wyoming, West Virginia. 1-800-270-7117 for Confidential Help, Michigan.1-800-Gambler in Indiana, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia.1-800-Bets-Off in Iowa. Call or text the Tennessee Red Line 800-889-9789 in Tennessee or call 1-888-777-9696for Mississippi. Sports betting is void in Georgia, Hawaii, Ohio, and Utah, and other states
02:22:59were prohibited. Promotional offers not available in Nevada.you
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