Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-25-21

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

Bill rambles about Fanny, running away from home, and F is for Family with drummer Alice De Buhr. Music Interlude: Fanny - Blind Alley https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bE3uwtegPEY Thursday Afternoon Podcast: 0- 42:55 NFL Week 12 Preview: 42:56 - 1:08:40 Throwback MMP 11-25-13:  1:08:39 - end Take advantage of SimpliSafe’s early Black Friday deals and get 50% off your new home security system by visiting SIMPLISAFE.com/BURR

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Find out more we can do at covid-resources.org or call 877-904-5097. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in with you with just an absolute, absolute, absolute legend.

Someone that I discovered late night on YouTube and ended up getting her into Ephes for Family from the band, the underrated band that influenced all of these all female bands. Fanny is the name of the band and we have the great drummer of the band, Alice DeBurne. Thank you so much for coming on. I can't even tell you like how blown away I was

by your band and that the ridiculousness that you guys have not gotten your due. You guys came on the scene late 60s and the early 70s and absolutely crushed it. I was watching the video and I was seeing June Millington playing slide guitar, killing it, her sister Jean on bass and then Nikki Barclay on keys and then you on drums.

Total legit, just watching like you guys absolutely fucking rocked. What can you explain to me and everybody else how the hell you guys were that good and you don't get your recognition. Other than the obvious, but like, you know, people still know the runaways. They know the go.

We were 10 years too early. Oh, okay. And we didn't write songs that were pop songs. We were played on FM radio, not AM radio. Fanny was- And AM back then was where all the pop stuff was. Yeah, and that's where the money went. Oh, okay.

Yeah, all the promotion department's budgets went to get on AM radio. What was it like? Were there any other all-female groups around back then that didn't push- Oh, yeah. Yeah, Bertha was another band from LA and they were around,

I think they started right after us or I know that they signed a record deal a year or two after we had. And they played even a heavier rock and roll. Our songs, you listen to our songs today and you can call qualify them as kind of pop rock. Right. No, they're not heavy metal like you like to play.

Yeah. I know. Sorry, that's when I grew up. But hey, we found out Mike Pierce, your Twitter tweeted Kristen from the Get Behind Fanny podcast. Mike Price, yeah, Mike Price. Mike Price, not Pierce.

He told her that we're the first real people to be on Epis for Family. Oh, as far as like being actually playing the people that you're playing, yeah, absolutely. Well, that's- I don't want to give away too much, but like, you know, there's people who are into the band and stuff,

so they go to a concert and we have you guys playing and you guys are in the episode and what I'm hoping we can do as a small part is to get people to be like, hey, who's that band? Oh, yeah. For you guys to get the recognition that eluded you for so long. But anyway, if there's anything just to sort of start

from the beginning, like where, how did all of you guys get together and as a female drummer back then in rock music and everything and you're setting out, you know, just to make it in show business in general is like, you're taking a one in a million chance and then you have all of this, you know,

all this sexism and all that crap you have to deal with. Yeah. Like, I mean, there was a time where the people, like, I think only until like recently, they were like, you know, chicks don't wanna play drums. Chicks can't play drums. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha.

I started out in school in second grade. And I had an all-girl trio in Iowa, which is where I was born and raised. And I packed my clothes inside my drums before I turned 18. I was still 17 and I moved to California because I knew nothing was gonna happen in Iowa. So I moved to Sacramento and June and June.

What gave you the inner strength at 18 to leave Iowa at 18 and just say, I know this is what I, you just knew what you wanted to do? No, no, no. It had nothing to do with inner strength. It had to do with escaping because I had just come out as a lesbian in a small town

and I couldn't stay. That wouldn't. Well, when you cootied you, your parents or you just said to the whole town, did you go down to the gazebo? In the town? People of small town Iowa, all 40 of you. It's kind of a sordid story that I don't want to,

we don't want to bring the, you know, Friday morning. Well, if you want to tell it, I would love to hear it. I think, you know, there's people going through that still to this day, so maybe it'll help somebody. Well, I was 17. I had never had a sexual experience. My first sexual experience was with a woman, an older woman.

And she left behind her family and had cousins in Sacramento. And I was the day out of the psychopathic ward of the state hospital where my mother had put me. Because you said you were gay? Yeah, and she didn't know how to help me. I didn't know that at the time because it was really painful.

But anyway, long story short, they said. What's the psych ward like? Oh man, it was like creepy. It was locked in, you know, steel screens on the windows. You know, and the doctors all they wanted to talk about was sex and I didn't want to talk about sex at all. You know, thank you very much. No.

So anyway, the woman came back from California and got me and the doctors had said let her go. So I packed everything I owned that I thought I'd need inside my drums, put them in her car and we sweated it. You were escaping, literally. You're like, I don't want to stick around here. Maybe they'll change their mind

and stick me back in that place. Exactly, yeah. It was horrible. Holy shit. Yeah, that's why I'm a little warped. That plus being a female drummer in an all female band in Hollywood in the late 60s and early 70s warped. Yeah, just a little.

Were you able to patch things up with small town Iowa as people, I guess, learned? Hopefully. A couple of years ago, one of this woman's daughters was killed and somebody commented, oh yeah, she's the one that ran away with the beer girl back in the day.

And so no, with my family, yes. Absolutely no problems with my family. Right. Yeah, that was all healed, no problems at all. Well, that's good. The families, the hell with the townspeople, as long as your family's. Yeah, it's a small minded small town.

All right. Okay, so then you get in the car, you do the Thelma and Louise thing, right? Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're escaping a psych ward. It's a great beginning of a movie, by the way. Yeah. You're escaping a psych ward.

Feels like a Grand House Tarantino movie. And you end up in, unfortunately, you end up in Sacramento. Yeah, well, fortunately, because June and Jean lived in Sacramento. Oh, okay. And I put a, I saw a sign at a music store that said looking for a female drummer.

So I called their little sister took the message, didn't give it to them. They went on a Canadian tour and I think they went through five different drummers, mostly guys. But when they came back, they contacted me. I auditioned and we started playing as the Svelts. Well, Addy and I, the lead guitarist,

we got tired of the June and Jean show. And so we split away from them into wild honey. We realized about four months later that that was not gonna work. So we mended fences, got back together as wild honey. How are we able to do that? Because you walked away from them. I imagine the feeling, how much time had gone by

when you guys left and then were able to come back. Six months, Max. So how did you approach them to get back together like, hey, man, we made a mistake. And they made a mistake too, they realized it too. I mean, it was all, we all realized that what was the glue was the four of us. Right.

And then by that point, the woman that I had come from Iowa with was involved with Addy, the lead guitar player. And when we fired her after we got to LA and got the recording contract, then the lead guitar player quit. And that's when June had to learn how to play lead. And she did it so fast.

If you listen to the first album, June's leads are fantastic. And she took that weight on. And I don't think that she ever really let herself breathe because after four albums and touring and stuff, she couldn't take it anymore. And she just had a meltdown and she quit. And after she quit, then I quit.

But the four albums, the four original members, that's the group that created that really unique and magical, fanny sound. Right. And were you putting out an album like every 18 months or was it every year during that time with the touring and all of that? The first one came out in 70.

Right. And the first one came out in 73. So we were touring, we were rehearsing, we were recording. And that's all we did seven days a week. Oh my God. I'm surprised you lasted four years. Why did they do that? I've never understood the music world

why they didn't let you breathe. Cause every band that I watched, it was just like, yeah, they had that first album came out and then the world went like three, four years and a couple more albums with world tours. And then somebody would leave. Somebody would just barely just be like, like, dude, this isn't fun anymore.

Like I wanted to play music because it was fun. And I always find that like a fascinating thing like, you know, that you went after a dream and they go, hey, you go after a dream, you're never going to work again. And it's just like, until it becomes this thing that other people are also making money off of, you know, and then you just keep like,

and then you got that weird thing where it's like, how do I get off this? You're afraid to say no, because you think if you say, no, you're going to go back to your small town, Iowa. Like the second I pump the brakes, everybody behind me is going to blow by me. And I think like that, that's like a maturity move in this business when you finally realize like,

no, hey, I can work at my own pace. I'm confident in my talent that I'm going to be able to keep going. But I just found with bands because it's, I think it's easy for a comedian being an individual because whatever I decide, it's a hundred percent agreement within myself or you guys have to have like a...

Well, the dynamics in the band were difficult from the minute we got Nikki. Nikki didn't want to be in an all girl band. She wanted to be the lead artist with all the spotlight on her. She was a keyboard piano player, right? Yeah, and she wrote The Real Rockers. June wrote more of the ballads.

If Nikki and June had been able to get along and write songs together, you know, I can't imagine. They wrote a couple of songs. One of them was I Just Realized, which I love that song. It's got a great beat and great lyrics, but they were always at loggerheads. And I think that, you know, when the record company wanted to put us

in skimpy outfits on the last tour, so why can't I wear a T-shirt and jeans? I'm more comfortable on T-shirt and jeans. No, I've got this little top that's made out of $45 worth of American coins looped together, pinching my nipples. Do I have to do this? Really?

And I think that was the straw that broke June's back and she just said, I can't do this anymore. And when she left and you left and then the whole band, was Nikki still into it at that point, even though they wanted to do? Nikki and Jean played on the fifth album, yeah. Oh, okay. But it doesn't sound anything like a fanny album at all.

It's not. Which is a credit to both you and June because some of my favorite bands, you know, went on for a long time and, you know, just the, just changing the drummer. If you have a really good drummer, the band never sounds the same. Like Tom Petty never sounded the same

when Stan Lynch left. I've recently gotten into early Iron Maiden and I was listening to Clive Burr and I was just like, and then you listened like that moment when Nicko McBrain comes in. It's just like, it's funny and he did a lot of the same sort of like things, but they have feel. I still love Maiden with Nicko,

but it's just, it's two different bands. It really is Guns N' Roses with Steven Adler, not in it. Yeah, look at that, cool. Yeah, I mean, you can't, I mean, that's why Zeppelin was so smart. They're like, we can't continue on the way we were. This is just, it's not gonna, it's not gonna work. And I always felt like why their catalog maybe

is held in the esteem that it is is because they didn't go on with all of these different variations, but I understand the bands that want to keep doing it. You want to keep making them. What are you gonna, go get a job at a hardware store? You know, you want to, you want to keep. We didn't make any money. We made no money.

They paid, I moved out of Sandy Hill and they paid my rent and they paid my car payment. And if I had, you know, a doctor or something, they would pay that bill, but the last tour, I think we might have made 25 bucks a night and that was it. And it was- So how did you eat? Well, June used to make candles

and sell them at the swap meet. And I'm thinking, reprise paid for, it was the house was $400 a month up there on Marmont Lane. And- That's your famous house where you guys were at, right next to the Chateau. I actually drove by and found it. Yeah, you did.

Yeah. I did. I thought that was so cool. I'm so like, there's so much history there in the Hollywood Hills, but anyway, it's so continuous. She would sell candles. She'd sell candles for a while. And quite frankly, I don't know if we had

some kind of a food budget. I don't remember that. I know it might be something like that, but it wasn't much. We'd go down to the central market and buy enough food for a week or two. And then we'd cook it and eat. So how often would you guys sit around being like,

hey man, we're on like a third or fourth record. We're making 25 bucks a week. What the fuck? Yeah. I think that on the fourth album is when we started to say, what the fuck? Did the record label string you along with each album going like this next one?

You know, it's going to be tour buses and plenty of money. You just, you just got to pay off that advance. No, Roy Silver, who was our manager, he had to fight for every penny to get reprise. And there's a funny story that Kristen tells that he went to reprise to have a mate, to try and get $50,000 to promote the Mother's Pride, the last album.

And Joe Smith said, you know, I'm sorry, I can't do it. So Roy got home and he gets a call from Joe Smith and he said, come back, come back over the hill. So I went back over to reprise and Joe Smith said, I'll give you the 50,000 for the tour, but you got to promise me you won't put any more, get behind fatty stickers in the executive bathroom. So we got to, we did the last tour.

So what's amazing to me, though, is you guys had all this ridiculous like credibility. Like David Bowie was a huge fan of your band. I think dated one of the band members of Viva Viva Meme. Yeah. And it was just like, he was championing you. He championed Stevie Ray Vaughn. So is this just straight up sexism? Like, you know, he championed Stevie Ray and Stevie Ray

Yeah, pretty much out there. It's pretty much, although, you know, you have some hardcore musicians out there that still cannot believe that a woman can play bass or guitar or drums, keyboard is kind of more accepted. But, you know, it's like, oh yeah, they're good for girls. You know, and guys are still saying that today. Well, you know, we're insecure.

One of the biggest things. Yeah. Secure this, buddy. Well, you know what it is. The biggest thing is if you lose to a girl, then you're just like your whole manhood is just out the window, which is stupid. But that's the rules that we also live by.

Yeah, but you can change the rules anytime you want. Yeah, I mean, I'm up for it. Yeah. Listen, I grew, I look, I grew up and yeah, it was even like the 80s. It was all pretty much, you know, all male bands and everything. But then like, you know, like the go-go's and the bangles,

they fucking rocked. So. They wrote up songs. Yeah. The go-go's was. Our lips are sealed, fucking. I cranked that anytime that comes on. I love that song.

See the picture in the corner? My eyes are shut. Well, that is that the bangles. It's the go-go's. The go-go's OK. Because I worked at Annam Records after I quit playing and I had to work the go-go's because they were on IRS records. And they told us, told me, if it hadn't been for you guys,

we never would have thought about putting picking up instruments and playing. That's amazing. So yeah, but they wrote hooks. Every single one of their top 40 songs had a hook. Yeah. They didn't write pop songs. You know, I feel, I don't know, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

should give you guys you do. They really should. There's something in it. Who gives a shit about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? It's all politics. It's kind of stupid, right? It's all politics. It's male oriented.

I mean, the fact that they inducted some women this year. Oh, golly, look at us. How educated and open and, you know. Well, they're probably only doing it because they're getting shit for not doing it. Yeah, right. I'd like to give a little bit of shit. I keep this clean, though, Bill.

No, you don't. No, you don't. You can say whatever you want. I want people to see what you're just a real deal and you're like such a character. I actually, you know, when we first met, you know, I met your face to face. First of all, I called you up and you just started laughing

going, how the hell did you find me? How the hell did you guys hear about my band and all that? You immediately were hilarious. And then I met you. I forget whether it's somewhere in LA. And you just, you're, huh? We had breakfast at the Huntley, silly boy. That's what it was.

All right, well, you know. I know you've been very busy. Yeah. I'm telling you, I'm a busy, white man. Busy, white man. That's right. And I will be respected. No, I was the last, last seven, eight weeks.

Seven out of eight weeks I've been doing my shit jokes out on the road. So, well, I hope that, you know, the fact that we got you on this show will renew people's understanding that this band that David Bowie was blown away by, I just, I, you know, one of the frustrations that I've had in, you know, being in this business is I just wish they would just pick the best.

And even when they try to be progressive, they even turn that into a formula. So they'll just be like, well, we haven't been hiring anybody from this group. So it's like, all right, well, yeah, you've got to give them their due, right? But they won't take the time to find, they just kind of, they'll have a one showcase night.

How many do we need? Four. All right, let's get four Asians, you know, four African-American. It's like, do the fucking work and get the four that fucking deserve it as opposed to, I don't know why they, I guess because it's work. Giving a, carrying is work, I think is what it is.

So they're more like bean counting. I think that what it is, is that a lot of researchers have gotten lazy, you know, they go to Wikipedia and they think they know the whole story. You know, if they go to, you know, FannieRocks.com or they listen to the Get Behind Fannie podcast or they hear some of our music, you know, if you listen to the whole spectrum of the Fannie catalog,

it's very different, it's, there are rockers, there are ballads, there are sad songs, there are happy songs, you know, but how many people really are going to do that research? Not very many, but being on Ethics for Family, and I don't know if you're playing one or two songs or parts of one or two songs. I know that they had talked about a couple,

but anyway, if, I mean, it wouldn't gift that you're giving to us because somebody sees the name Fannie on stage on Ethics for Family and they say, who are those guys? I want to know more and they do the same deep dive you did. Yeah, well, they should because I actually saw you guys come in and you played live. I got to see you guys a couple of months back downtown.

It was great, what are you talking about? And you're funny too, well, you told me you never like, you don't, you don't practice drums, you don't like to, even like the way they sound unless you're playing with other people. Right, exactly. I never practiced a day in my life until I got my electronic kit in 2007.

And even then, I hardly ever play anymore, but. Yeah, but how great are those electronic kits? Whoa, whoa. I need the headphones on. In 2007, I put the headphones on and I had an iPod and somehow I had gotten the Fannie music. Oh, maybe it was from the Rhino set that they made. Anyway, I had the Fannie music on my iPod.

So the iPod was plugged into the brain. I put the headphones on. My drums never sounded that good. And I'm playing with this, I recorded what, 45 years ago? Right. It was amazingly fun. I was hooting and hollering and I wasn't disturbing the neighborhood.

Yeah. Well, at first time I sat down, I mean, you sound like, you sound like Bonham in Madison Square Garden on some of them. Do, do, do, do. Yeah. Yeah. And the kick drum, dash, dash, dash.

And I was just sitting there thinking like, oh my God, these are unbelievable. And then I really thought I was getting good. And then I sat down on a real kit. And then it was like, bing, bing, bing, bing. It just get all, yeah, it was something complete. Also where the technology was, was those things in the 2000s electronic drums

were so forgiving where you'd hit a rim and still get the snare sound. So if you were anywhere near it, you'd get it. So like your precision really suffered. Now now we get on a real kit. And first the drums looked like they were gigantic. And I actually, I quickly learned, all right, it's simply safe everybody.

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by visiting simplysafe.com slash burr. Again, that's Simply Safe, S-I-M-P-L-I-S-A-F-E.com slash burr for 50% off your entire system. You know, last night, I actually did, they got a thing out here called the Goddamn Comedy Jam, which you gotta do one time. Maybe somebody will do a Fanny song. It's so many comedians started off as musicians failed.

And then came, so you obviously know me, I'm a failed drummer. So this guy, Josh Adam. You're a drummer. You're a drummer. You just don't look comfortable. Yeah, well, yeah, it's my hobby. Doing your hobby in front of a crowd. Well, last night, I was gonna tell you,

I played two songs for Josh Adam Myers who actually plays the DJ on F is for Family. And Howlin' Hank, I had a bunch of people come up to me saying, you was smiling, you looked all relaxed and all that type. I finally, and you know what's funny? You know why? Cause I didn't over rehearse it

and I knew I was gonna fuck up. And the song, one of the songs, a Guns N' Roses song, Mr. Brownstone. And it has like three different parts to it, but they never happened in the same sequence it seems. So you really have to pay attention. And like, I kept playing along to it. And I couldn't get a take where I just did it clean.

And I was just like, well, I'm out of time cause I've been on the road and I'm like, I'm gonna fuck this up, but who cares? And then I ended up like, I don't think I ended up screwing it up. I was literally playing the song and in sections like, I have no idea what happens next. But I was just like, but I know what's happening now.

So fuck it. Right. Play the hell out of this. Yeah, but see, it's very easy to hide a mistake in a beat or two. If you go too much longer, then the drums drop out and people hear the mistake. But if you realize that you're into that different part

of the song and you catch it, nobody's gonna know. Yeah. Good for you. Well, you know, I learned by watching people like you. What's the worst you ever messed up? And did June or anybody have a look that they would give you that you knew you were on that night or they give you, you know, remember Bonham saying like,

you know, when he would try some over the top fill and then he would mess it up. He'd say, then I, because I get the look from the lads and it was just, No, June bitched about my drums being too loud. A lot. Okay. But cause I played really hard, but I didn't mess up.

I didn't drop the beat, honey. Oh, okay. Oh, sorry. I didn't even mean to suggest that. Oh, Jesus. I was gonna, there you go. There you go. Hey, so we've talked a lot about, you know,

all the basically the assholes that you met out there. Who was, you know, when you were coming up first album, 1970, who were some open minded cool people that you got to play with? Everybody that we open for everybody that we open for. You got any, any band names or anything? I'd have to go on my computer and pull. 1971 year.

Oh my God, look at that. My journal. That's priceless. Yeah. This is more, 71 was more recording that I'd have to publishing and, you know, also it's pretty sappy. Oh, it is?

Yeah, it's pretty sappy. But long, the little feet. Oh, what was that drummer? Richie. Hayward. Oh my God. He played the kind of drumming that I thought, oh, that's so cool.

You know that. That really syncopated stuff. Yeah. Little used to get on him and say, can't you just keep the beat like Alice does? You know, just boom, check, boom, check and a filler too. You know what I mean? You don't have to be real busy.

Drums aren't supposed to lead instruments, but Richie was perfect. Ah, fuck them as they sit there noodling all around in their guitars. Guitar doesn't need to be that way. They want you to shut up so they can do all the talking. The key is way to interject, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You keep the beat and you have a place or two or three or four or five or 10 in a song where you know that a fill is going to work. Do you know the one time I almost fucking punched somebody when I was playing was we were running the song and the guy who considered himself the Paul Schaefer the head of the band. You know, we were just coming together.

It was a one-off, right? I'm not in any band. So I was still kind of playing and he was talking to somebody. Reach over and I was riding on the symbol or whatever. He just went over and he just muted it with his hand. And I wanna be like, I'm gonna fucking stab you in the ear with this stick.

Don't ever do that again. Just tell me to stop playing. He just came walking. I got it. He just went like that. And he wasn't looking at me when he did. It was such a passive aggressive power move that if I was actually making my living playing drums

that would have been a big thing. And I was just kind of, I just remember like, I just looked down and then I got a chuck a lot of like how mad I was getting at my hobby. Like, why do I give a shit? I don't gotta go on the road with this guy. I just gotta play one stupid song with them.

And also the other thing is that you have missiles in your hands. Two of them. Oops. Oops. Oh, did I hit you in the back of the head with that stick? I'm so sorry. Leave me the fuck alone.

I'm playing drums there. What kind of kit did you play? Camco. A camco. Now, did you keep that brown one, right? That's in the video? Yeah, I still have it. Do you really?

I still have it. Yeah. It's in storage. Finally, all of the drums are in cases. Because I have plastic bags. And I was thinking the termites were gonna eat that beautiful natural wood. So I went out last, oh, probably about six months ago

and pulled the four tones, didn't have cases. Especially the 18 inch didn't have a case. And the newspaper that it was wrapped in was 1993. Wow. And they were perfect. Absolutely perfect. And I just cleaned them up a little bit, put them back in storage.

You got the hard cases? Yeah. Oh, good deal. Not the, you know, not the big touring cases. Right. Just the round hard cases. You bet. Oh yeah.

No deal. And DW bought them. When Camco went out of business, I bought my second set in 72, I think, and added the 18 inch floor tom to the 16 inch floor tom. And they went out of business and then DW bought them and they bought them just for the connector, you know, the tension rods on the drums to hold the heads.

They bought them for that engineering. And now all the DW drums have that round. Yeah. Whatever. Hardware, whatever you call it. Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah.

People always talk about, you know, you spend all these monies on drums. Everybody's like, it's all this comes from the same place. And it's just like, all right, we're going to have square. You, we're going to have the round ones. You're going to have that. But it's all kind of the same, the same wood or whatever. Well, I got to tell you this.

I have such respect for the band that you were in and getting to know you. You know, it's the greatest thing ever. Like you're just such like the second, I feel like I've known you forever. You're just such a cool person to talk to. And I'd love to have you on again, just for whatever reason, if you ever just want to come on again and talk about,

like, you know, the music scene back then or whatever you're up to. And you got to come out to one of my shows whenever I'm, where are you at again? Tucson. I'm in Arizona next month. Where? Right before the new year. Somewhere in Phoenix.

Talking heads or something, big venue? I don't know. That's about an hour. If I could drive up. Okay, I thought you were gonna yield me. Huh? Are you worth it? I don't know.

I'm doing a bit about a lesbian that deliberately bumped into me so you might not like me by the end of the show. I don't have a problem with lesbian jokes. I really don't know. No, no, no. Yeah, but I don't, I don't do it in a stupid way. All right, well, listen, F is for family. Allison, if you're from the great Fanny, get behind Fanny,

check out their music. Get away. Is it available on iTunes? Are they giving you a half a cent for every thousand downloads? You got that wonderful deal over there? Or you can go to fannyrex.com and buy them from me. From the actual drummer in the band. There you go.

You had a fricking CD player instead of, oh, I just used my phone. I don't have a computer. I don't do anything. It says everything's on the phone. It's texting, it's this and that. If you had a CD player, I would have sent them to you and you'd know the whole catalog.

But no! Well, I have to follow the herd over the cliff. I do have an external, you know what? My wife has a boombox around here somewhere. Do you have a DVD player on your TV or do you just do- My TV won't recognize that old technology. Why can't you have somebody in the neighborhood

turn it into an MP3 and send it to me? I could probably have Byron do that. There you go. I don't know if I could fit, you know, I'd have to send it to you. Besides, I don't have your address. I'm not sending it. Brian got a set.

Got a set, okay. Because here was the deal. I will give you an address to send them to. Give me an address to send them to. Brian calls me and he said, and this is two days before Christmas last year. And he said, you got a pencil and a paper and I said, yeah.

He says, okay, write this down. So I wrote it down. I said, okay, looks like a phone number. What is it? He said, it's a phone number. Call it. I said, and why am I, who am I calling? He says, it's Bill Burt's phone number.

He wants to talk to you. That's, I'm like, you have to draw that out because I had told him if he could find out from you, why Thani? I'd send him all the CDs and he did and I sent them. He's got them all. That's amazing.

I just saw him. We had the F is for family. We had the final wrap party, which was so awesome, but also, you know, sad. Cause I just, I loved everybody on the show and he was actually telling me like, cause I'm trying to sell this movie script and he was saying to me, you know,

cause I was going to bring him on for it. And I just saw him. He looked so happy. I'm like, look at you. You look great. You dropped some weight and all that. He goes, yeah. He goes, I'm kind of like semi retired.

I don't know how long I'm kind of retired. And then I was like, oh, shit. I was going to see if you want to do this thing with me. And he's like, well, maybe I don't know. I was like, dude, you look too happy. I'm going to, you can sit this one out. He just looked like, you know those people that just get out of the rat race,

they start surfing or they take some mushrooms, something. They just, he had that like he, I'm stepping out of the matrix and I'm liking it over here. So, which is something, believe it or not, that I'm trying to do, you know, I took some mushrooms earlier this year and I've been stone sober ever since cause of what I discovered on my little mini trip.

I was like, oh, I need to deal with that. And I need to be sober to do this. So I haven't even, you know, I was sort of California sober, as they say. I was still smoking weed or eating an edible or whatever, but I wasn't, you know, doing anything else. Now I've just been like, just sort of straight ever since then and I've been thinking about maybe doing one of those,

those therapeutic things. Cause I heard it's good for PTSD and stuff. I think I got a little bit of that for some bullshit that happened to me. And maybe I could be a little easier to live with and shit. You know, maybe not look so uncomfortable behind the drums, right? I can work on that, but if you get back to that island.

Yeah, that's where you got to go. Yeah. Oh, well, yeah, oh yeah. What the hell was the name of that place? I forget. We stayed in Quincy on this little place out there, man. It was, it was awesome. So yeah, I got to do that more often.

I also noticed when I start to really get like upset and angry or whatever is that just means I need to stop working so much. It's weird to say that out loud, that's so obvious, but I'm just kind of like, I kind of like, I don't know, I just shut down. That's how your brain works. Right.

Yeah, you just got to take care of it. That's all. Well, well, that was for family just ended. So I have a bunch of free time. So I'll have time to hang with you down in Phoenix. So I'd love to grab some lunch with you or something like that. And you know. Send me your battery.

Hey, maybe bring the CDs up. Maybe. Maybe I bring you something, whatever. I don't know what you're looking at. We do a little surf and turf. See what's see what's going to happen. All right, else, you're the best, man. You are the best.

And thank you so much for letting us use your music. Thank you for your great music. Thank you for the band Fanny that then gave us the runaways, the gogos, the bangles and everybody after that. You guys are absolute legends and you're a total rock star. You just got that. I don't give a fuck. And you'd still be said who gives a shit about the rock

and roll Hall of Fame. I mean, right there. You punk rock before punk rock. Hey, thanks. Thanks for giving us the leg up on efforts for family. I can't tell you how much it means to me. I understand the whole audience growth potential. Right.

So it's, yeah. All right. I'll be knocking on your doors for some residuals. Yeah, OK. If the record company ever gives it to you. They still say we owe him money. I know, you know, that is we're not in profit yet. We took in $2 billion.

We spent $3 billion in advertising. You still owe us a billion. Yeah, that's called Hollywood math. All right. Alice, to pure everybody from Fanny, thank you so much for coming on. You're the best. Love you.

Have a great Thanksgiving and I will see you next month in Phoenix. OK. All right. Bye-bye, everybody. Bye-bye. OK, well, that's the podcast, everybody. But before we go, we have me and Paul Verzies,

a Bet MGM segment here where we talk about our picks and all that and our little gamblet thing there. And after that, we'll have a bonus episode, a half hour episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast from a greatest hits one from a, I don't know, a Thursday about a year ago, I don't know, a couple of years ago, however, Andrew does it.

All right. Thank you guys and enjoy the Bet MGM. What's up, everybody? And we are back for another NFL week 12 preview, OK? Sponsored by Bet MGM. Here we go, guys. We are back for week 12 of anything better, NFL preview with Bet MGM season.

We've been using Bet MGM. They have the best, most reliable lines out there to make all your picks. And we have special offers for our listeners every week. If you haven't signed up to Bet MGM yet, use Bonus Code Burr. That's B-U-R-R. Couldn't be more easy. You'll get $100 free after placing your first $1 bet.

Here's how it works. You go to Bet MGM, you download the app, you sign up using Bonus Code Burr. That's B-U-R-R. OK. Place your first $1 Moneyline bet NFL game. That's it. You'll receive $100 in free bets immediately after placing your bet regardless of the outcome.

Just make sure you use Bonus Code Burr when you sign up. They're going to give you that free bet. They're going to give you that free money. Could not be more easy. People are having a great time with us. And what can I say about week 11? Bill Burr does, I don't even know what we're going to call this. The guy goes unimaginable, unforgivable,

and then gets it all back with another unimaginable. And he goes 4 and 0 again. And I go 1 and 3 because the fucking giants stink. I'm fucking done. We'll get into that. Congratulations, Billy. Now you've got to first step. Hey, it's Feast of Famine over here, Paul.

Feast of Famine. I'm either crushing it or just hanging my head, getting pelted with snowballs. So, you know, still a lot of time left, Paul. Still a lot of time left in the season. That's why I don't give a shit about directing. You know, I've taken it one week at a time. We've got seven weeks left, but you've turned.

You know, I went to the Raiders game. And I had Joe Burrow, Bop, Bop, Bop, Bop, Bop, Bop, Bop, Bop, LSU, great. I had him, what was it? They were laying one. You know, Raiders are in disarray. I got to tell you, it's a shout out to all the whole Raiders organization.

They treated me amazing. Treated me amazing. But at the end of the day, Paul, I'm trying to beat you here and gambling. I had to go with what I thought, you know? So, what are you going to do? I'll tell you what, I'm excited. Paul, I am as excited about my New England Patriots

as you were distraught about your packers. But we'll talk about that at the, on the Anything Better podcast. What we're here to do, Paul, is we're here to talk about gambling. And I understand there was a little bit of a controversy with that Monday night's best show. But boo-doo-boo, put some money for you.

Yes, well, I just want to address that. A couple of people on Twitter, some people saying that, I don't know what it was, but what we said, and if you listened, was Tom Brady throwing to Daniel Jones running for one. And some people, I think there was some confusion. I apologize if anybody was confused, but if you listen to it, we listened back.

And that's what it was. And we had to take the under over down just because it wasn't registering, right Andrew? Is that what happened? Yeah, for the most part. All right, so anyway, we'll be clear with all of the moving forward, but we said rushing. And it will say, when you look at the Monday night special,

when we do talk about a quarterback throwing, when we, it will say throw touchdown, you'll see the word throw. And if it says like another quarterback, one touchdown, it means rushing. It'll say throw though, to be clear. But dude, I'm not gonna- I think they're scared of us over there at Bet MGM.

That Monday night special, we've been hitting that more times lately. And we've been coming close. And we've been coming close when we didn't, when we do miss, we come close. And we got them on the edge of their seat, Bill. We got them right where we want them. Got them right where we want them.

I don't know what to say. I'm gonna just say this. I'm just gonna say this to, I just have to say this to Vent. Bill, I called Bill last night. I have watched my New York football giants. You could see the sign on top of my door, okay? I have watched my New York football giants.

I've been a fan since I'm eight years old, all right? I have never, I have never seen a team allow an offensive line, okay? They ruined the last three years of Eli. They're ruining this fucking kid. They're ruining fucking Saquon Barkley. And on top of that, we don't fucking blitz. How am I a comedian?

I tell dick jokes for a living in fucking strip malls. How am I watching the game going? Why aren't they blitzing? Why aren't they blitzing? Why are they rushing for? Why does Tom Brady look like he's in a backyard on fucking Thanksgiving with his family throwing the fucking ball?

And I got the fucking announcer saying it. Everybody's saying it. That's how you beat Tom Brady. That's how you beat Tom Brady. Everybody knows that's how you do it. It's the only way you beat him. The only way you beat Tom Brady in this fucking game and you gotta knock him on his ass

and you gotta fucking make him think. That's when he gets the ball out. That's when he makes mistakes. He's sitting back there. The only thing the guy didn't do was put a fucking tanning on his face and get a fucking tan. He could have sat there so fucking long.

It was one of the most frustrating things I'm fucking done. They gotta burn it down, fire everybody. I'm fucking done, dude. It was ridiculous watching him sit in the pocket that long. Our offensive line stinks. We have no defense.

I don't even know what to say. It's a fucking embarrassment. It's an embarrassment. It's an embarrassment. One of the best franchises in the history of football and we are fucking digressing to the fucking Cleveland Browns right now. You're on the upper rational.

You're a B plus organization. It's not get crazy now. It's not disrespect the Cowboys, the Steelers, the 49ers, and my New England Patriots. All right, well, we're top seven organizations, top eight historically. All right, okay.

All right, just take it down a little bit. It's not through that New York thing where you guys fucking, you guys always get a little bump hitting off the ladies' tees because you got more buildings than other people. All right, do you know the day? I don't know.

Do you know the day, Paul? No, no, no. How's that gonna do in New York? I'm just saying we're a team that happens. NFL titles, you are. So I'm just fucking with you. No, I know, but like we used to be a team, especially Eli on the road.

We used to be a team that if we lose, we're in the fight. We're in the game. We're in the fourth quarter. We have a shot. Now it's like, it's a fuck. Last night was a fucking joke, man. It was one of the most frustrating things

my wife was going, Paul, you gotta stop yelling at the TV. I mean, I fucking, you know, I- Dude, you want me to play your voice message to me? Yeah, go ahead, play it. I mean, it was pretty much that. I was fucking laughing my ass up. I'm not at you, just cause I've been there.

The fuck is my phone doing right now? I haven't drank in two weeks and I started drinking last night during this shit. Oh. Ha, ha, ha. All right, here we go. Paul Verzi puts you on speaker. Oh, wait, wait.

Hang on a second. It starts with dude, you watching this shit. Let's see if we can hear this. Oh, sorry. Ah, I'm the fucking worst. So are you watching this shit? Can you hear it? I'm fucking done with this fucking shot.

We are not fucking listening. Listen, Bill, Bill, it's very fucking simple. You know how you stopped Tom Brady and he's even admitted it? You fucking make him run for his life and you put him in the ground. That's how the fuck we're doing Super Bowls. That's how the fuck the Washington fucking football team beat him last week, okay?

We're rushing, fucking four. We're rushing for the fucksuckers. Don't want to fucking do it. You've got all fucking days. It looks like me playing in my back bell and my fucking kids. I'm done with the fucking Giants, dude. Fire everybody.

Bring Russell Wilson to New York. That's where he wants to play anyway. Fuck this, dude. I'm watching this game and these motherfuckers aren't expecting this guy. It's like, what the fuck are we doing? I'm sitting here. I can't fucking believe what I'm watching.

You've got all fucking day in the pocket, dude. I'm shit to my fucking stomach. I don't even give a fuck about the game. I'm just, I'm fucking with it that my team's sick. Well, I apologize for anybody. If I overly cursed, I was a little really upset last night. I can tell you, it annoys me that Russell Wilson wants to go to New York. Well, he doesn't like, from what I heard,

he's got a little beef with sneaky Pete. He's not happy with sneaky Pete. And he was in the Yankees organization. So I think him doing that and meeting people. They always want to go to New York and LA. They want to be where all the media is. It's fucking annoying. You made bad fucking moves.

You should have to pay for it. Nope. New York and LA. Look at the fucking Lakers. Goddamn fucking expendables all came in there. Every fucking action hero from the 2008 All-Star Game is in. Just riding in like the fucking Calvary. It's annoying. I love that that's not working in LA too.

I love that that fucking five all Hall of Famers are like 500 right now. I love it. I never did. Remember they tried that? Come on, dude. This is what always happens. They go, I don't think they're on the same fucking page, blah, blah, blah. LeBron paces himself. He knows what the fuck he's doing.

He needles the team on Twitter and then they get going and they're going to make a fucking run. They always do. They always do with other people's fucking goddamn stars. It's annoying. If Clay Thompson comes back, nobody's beating that Warriors team, dude. The Warriors are fucked. What do they lose? Three games.

They're great, dude. They're well coached. Everybody's healthy. That makes me happy. Yeah, they're going to be good. Anybody but the Lakers, unless the Lakers draft a fucking team and add a couple of people, I don't mind that shit, but your whole fucking starting roster.

Jesus fucking Christ. And from the Houston Rockets and from the fucking Oklahoma Thunder, we got coming out of retirement. All right. Paul, you're still looking at your bets. This is why I'm catching up with you. You're not doing your fucking homework. I'm not looking at my bets.

I'm trying to find Andrews. I'm trying to find Andrews line so we can make our week 12 picks here. That's what I'm saying. I already got mine ready to go. All right. Well, you go first again because we miss one. So you go first. All right.

I am going to take, I am going to take Paul. I hate, I hate to tell you this. I'm taking the Philadelphia Eagles minus three and a half at your football giants. You know, I mean, who watches them more than you. And after that fucking screaming and yelling, the Eagles have been playing decent. They've been scoring fucking points and all that type of stuff. They're on the up. The only thing I don't like is it's a division rivalry,

but that spread is close enough. So I'm going to go with the Eagles, Paul. I'm taking the Eagles for the first time this year. They're on the up. I am going to go, I'm going to go back. I'm going to go back to the well here and, and, and I'm going to go with the San Francisco 49ers minus three at home against the Minnesota Vikings. San Francisco is clicking right now.

Jimmy G is the best quarterback in football the last three weeks. He's playing great. And I love the line being three. I think that that's a game that worst case scenario. I get a push. I'm going with the Niners that are clicking right now. I think they're going to take a little, little ride to glory right now. I think they're going to go on a big run here.

So I'm taking 49. I kind of like the Vikings in that game. Just beating the Packers. I don't know. The 49ers have stunk just cause you play all of a sudden three games. Now I'm supposed to believe they're a good team. I don't know. I don't know.

All right. My next one. Jesus Christ. I'm going to take the Packers minus one at home versus the Rams. I think it's going to be cold out. It'll slow those fuckers down. And, you know, Packers lost last week. Probably staying in, you know, Aaron Rogers is going to come out and put a

show on for those people up there and in Green Bay slash Appleton, Wisconsin. Okay. I'm going to take the Pittsburgh Steelers getting you motherfucker. I'm going to take the Pittsburgh Steelers getting four and a half. I think fucking bastard. I wanted that game. I wanted the Packers. I should have.

I wanted the Packers. Oh, you did. Finally, I take one from you. Yeah. I just think that the Steelers have a, the way that that game went last week and they really can't lose another one right now. I think that they're backs against the wall. I'm going to take them division rival getting four and a half.

Well, taking my division rival, but I took your a good team coming home on the road after a loss. Oh, okay. Now, now, now, now we separate the men from the boys here. Um, let's see here. Oh, Jesus. What am I going to do here? I'm going to go.

I hate, I want to take the Patriots so bad. I just don't like six and a half. I don't like six and a half. I know Travis Henry isn't in there. I know that Titans just lost to the fucking Texans or the wheels coming off or the wheels coming off. Fuck it. I'm going to take the Patriots minus six and a half.

A lot of points. Oh, it's a lot of points, Paul. Yeah, but they're flying right now, dude. I want to take the Cowboys on Thanksgiving. I like that. Yeah, but I like that one. They moved the line though. The line was seven and then they just fucking like assholes made it seven and a

half, which is just enough. It's just enough to bump you off the damn bet. But I absolutely because if they're up, they're going to go into the fucking pre event, they're up by two scores and they'll be up by 10 points and let them walk down the field. I've been there, Paul. That, you know, here's my thing. I don't want, let's say I bet the Patriots.

I don't watch the games I bet on. It's great for your, uh, you know, your sense of wellbeing. Oh my God. All right. You were so busy looking at your other pick. You didn't even listen. Oh no, I heard, I heard what you said. Oh my God.

You don't like watching your, your bets and stuff. I just go back and forth and look. I'm just going to throw it out. It's actually Derek Henry. You said Travis Henry. He's the old, he's the old running back. Yeah. Just to save everybody.

Save everybody. The comments. Yeah. Oh, maybe she know the fucking running back. I got two kids under fourth. I, as long as I get one of the fucking names, right? I'm happy. Oh my God.

It's between the bills and the cowboys, dude. The bill wants action on the whole. It wants action on the holiday. Yes. Yes. Um, I'm going to take the cowboys dude. I'm going to take the cowboy seven and a half.

The Raiders aren't that good. Cowboys are at home. They're coming off of a loss. That's my theory. I think that, uh, they got to put on a show there. I know they have, if they have a point bites me, it bites me.

I'm taking a cowboys on Thanksgiving to win that game. Raiders have a good front four, but I don't think they got enough. They got enough for the whole game. Um, all right. This is what I got left. Do I either go Falcons minus one at the Jags

or Colts getting two and a half at home against the Bucks? Uh, my thing is this time of year, I do not like to, I do not like to bet against Tom Brady, but fucking Carson Wentz is a point scoring son of a bitch.

That guy puts up points, Paul. Yeah. He puts up. How's the Bucks defense? I don't fucking know. God damn it. Um, and the Jags, I don't know what their deal is.

And I don't know what the Falcons. You know what? Fuck the Falcons in the Jaguars. They're two psycho chicks. And I never know what mood they're in. So you know what? I'm just going to say the hell with it. I'm going to go with the Colts getting two and a half

at home against the Bucks. I don't know. I don't know about that, Paul. This feels like a two and two week for me at best. Paul, I think you're going to make up some games this week. You took my Steelers.

I was feeling good about that. And if I had the Steelers, I could, you know, take a little risk there with the Colts. Listen, the first half of the season. You got me out of my comfort zone, Paul. You got me out of the pocket here. I'm not a scrambler.

The first half of the season was mine, but you've turned the ship around, dude. So we're going to have a nice, fun little run here at the end, but I'm falling off. If I don't have a week this week. Well, you ever think maybe you were overconfident? I don't remember when it was yours.

I had a couple of bad things. You told me I was ready to start high stepping. It went like fucking week five. You're the Leon lead of gamblers. She stuck the ball out. You let Don B become running up behind you. I put the ball up. I'm up three and a half games on you.

You're up three and a half games. Yeah. I'm not even thinking about high stepping. I'm like one bad week. He's right back in it. That's what happened last week, Paul. Do I go bills? Are the bills going to fucking beat the Saints by six points

on Thanksgiving after they had up to six? I thought it was four and a half. It's five and a half. Now it moved up. I'm going to take the bills of the Ravens. I go by what Andrew sent us. This is the same. It's the same link.

It's just the better GM link. So if you checked it last, when did you check it this morning? Yeah, it changed today. It changed. It must have changed in between. Yeah. Well, I might, okay.

I have Patriots six and a half Eagles, three and a half and Colts. Is Colts still two and a half plus two? Yes. Plus two and a half. Yeah. All right. So those,

everything else is still in. Yeah. All right. Paul taking a deep breath. I'm going to take. Oh my God. This is tough, dude. I'm going to take the, the, the, the,

it's the Ravens of the bills and I don't know which one to do, but the Ravens got the Ravens got the Browns. And they're minus four at home. The bills, bills have the saints. Yeah. I mean, dude, they, I mean, unless the first half of the season was bullshit. I mean,

not they do for something broken out here. I love Josh Allen. I just know somebody heard up there is some going on in the locker room. I just don't understand. I don't, I haven't seen any major injury. It was like, dude, they were double digit favorites the whole season and they were, they were, I was riding them every week.

They were covering. All right. I'm going to do a curveball right now. Are you ready for this one? I'm going to do a curveball. I'm going to take the Detroit lions to win their Superbowl Thanksgiving day, getting three points against the Chicago Bears. They always play well on Thanksgiving.

The law, they're getting three. Wait, this is a, this is their Superbowl. They always play. They always like, they always lose every year on it. What are you talking about? No, they, no, I don't think they lose every year. I like to pick, but I mean, let's not fucking rewrite history. Paul, they were all in seven to 16 one year.

Yeah. I mean, they're all nine and one. I mean, it's as bad as it gets, but I'm taking their first. I'm getting them three points. Give it to me, Andrew. I didn't know they haven't won a game yet this year. Good. I like that.

That's good karma. I love Detroit. That's one of my favorite cities. Let's get them a win, Paul. Paul Verzi gets him a win. Oh, that's an early game. That's 1230. That's 1230 in two days.

That could ruin your dinner, Paul. I want to enjoy my holiday. I stayed away from both of those. They don't need dad, the generous dad screaming at the TV. The lions are a bit below 500 overall. I don't want the circles written. I don't want to go back to Bobby Lane. Let's 23 hours out.

Yeah. 37 42 and two. Two ties came on a three year span from 63 to 65 from 51 to 63. They played the Packers every Thanksgiving overall. If anybody, if anybody's listening to this from Detroit, what is the furthest Detroit has ever gotten in the playoffs ever in their history? I want to know that like around.

I was far as Super Bowl era. I remember Eddie Murray hitting a field goal against the 49ers or something. Isn't Eddie Murray a baseball player? Oh, he was also a kicker. Okay. I believe, I believe that was his name. Let me look it up.

I probably fucked that one up too. You see him with an Orioles hat kicking. No, he's right. Eddie Murray. Bam. You are a Y. There you go. Look at that.

Huh? You're all everybody was all ready to get all sore at me. Yeah. All right. All right, everybody. That's the picks. That's the picks for our week 12 preview. Um,

Bill has a three and a half game lead. We want everybody to have a happy, uh, you got to have a four and O in you. What 17 weeks. You got to get a four and O. You got to get the golden goose. It's got to be, I got to think it's coming. I had a bunch of three and ones.

I've had a bunch of three and ones. I've never gotten it though. Brides may never a bride. Paul, it's got to happen. We'll get it. We'll get it this year. Make a celebration. Hey,

we'll do a Sunday night special. We'll do Sunday night. Sure. I think it's good to have a Sunday night special. I think it's really good. Really? Instead of the Monday night special, do you want to do the Sunday night special that will be the

Cleveland Brown's versus the Ravens division rivalry. Uh, or it's Monday's game is Seattle, Washington. So it's up to you guys. I like to leave the Ravens. I like that division. It's a little more fun of a game. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a Sunday night. Don't get it confused. Guys. It's the Sunday night special. Don't get it confused. Let's see. I'm looking for three,

four Ravens at home against the Browns. You guys want to do Lamar Jackson rushing 50 yards. I need a four in that poll. I'm, I'm seeing 45. 45 yards, 45 yards. Okay. Lamar Jackson rushes for 45 yards. Go ahead, Bill.

What do you want? What do you got in there? Baker Mayfield throws a pick. Oh, I love it. All right. These scrambles, he tries to make things happen. I think, you know, I just feel like they need a win. He might, he might force one in there,

but I'm a big Baker Mayfield fan. Um, but I just feel like there's going to be one of those. Okay. One of those. Uh, so that means, uh, what else? We need one more thing here. I like the Ravens at home. I think they're a better football team.

I like minus four. Um, is he going to go in there and break their hearts, Paul? No. You don't think so. Baker Mayfield doesn't come in there and ruin their Thanksgiving weekend. I don't think so. Yeah. Ravens always have a defense.

Yeah, I like that. Let's go, let's go. Defense, good quarterback, good kicker, good coach. Um, great seafood. You know, great crab cakes. Yeah. Um, all right. So just so people are clear and nobody's confused.

Lamar Jackson rushing for over 45 yards or 45 yards or more. And with the money line, we're taking the Ravens minus four. Okay. And that's Sunday night special Sunday night special is done. Week 12 preview is done. If you guys are in Connecticut Thanksgiving weekend, I'm going to be at the stress factory in Bridgeport, Connecticut, November 26, two shows, November 27th, two shows come out.

I'm doing the new hour and it is my last weekend of the year. All right. Here we go. I don't even have to read it. I know it. Guys, go to the best damn app there is in all of gaming. It's the bet MGM app. Use bonus code burr, B U R R.

And they will match your first bet, dollar bet, a hundred bucks. Right, Andrew? Is that it? Yes. So it's very simple. Just go go to the bet MGM, download the bet MGM app, use bonus code burr, B U R R. And your first dollar bet, they will give a hundred dollars on your first

bet. Come enjoy it. Have a good time. It's the best reliable gambling app out there. And that is it. Everybody use bonus code B U R R. Come join us. We'll see you guys next week.

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Sports betting is a void in Georgia, Hawaii, Ohio and Utah and other states were prohibited. Promotional offers not available in Nevada. And now enjoy the bonus episode of a greatest hits throwback just with Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, November 25th, 2013. How you doing? How are you?

Happy Thanksgiving. Eat some turkey and some stuffing and gravy and then eat some pie. I love Thanksgiving. I really do. But you know, I'm actually, I'm leaving the country. I'm going to be an ex-patriot. Now, I'm leaving the country the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I didn't even realize that.

This is going to be the first Thanksgiving I ever spend, you know, outside of the country. I'm actually going to be over in Italy. Like, like, like one of the some of the Army guys back in the day in World War II. Sitting over there. When the moon hits you, I like a big pizza pie. Shoot them in the face. Getting ready for my big European tour over there, everybody. You know, I didn't realize when we went to book this thing how fucking cold it was going to be in Scandinavia in December.

And I just did some interviews there for the Norwegian Journal or the fucking Swedish periodical. Whatever the fuck, whoever I was talking to over there. And they told me, they were laughing that I was coming over there. Like, why are you coming over here now? Which is never a good sign. You know, when the people, you know, of the nation are not like, are not welcoming you with open arms. They're immediately going like, yeah, you sure you want to do this? I guess the sun goes down at three in the afternoon.

I can't believe it's like, is it that far fucking north? And I'm starting to think about it. I'm like, wait a minute. If you go straight across from Massachusetts where I grew up, where do you end up? Mediterranean Sea? The south of Spain? I don't even fucking know. And then I'm thinking like, wait a minute, they have, wait a minute.

They're way the fuck up there. They're like Yukon Territories? They're that high up? You know, because you look at a fucking map, it's flat. You spin a globe, you can't see it. It's around the corner. Where is it? Where is it?

Am I supposed to take a string? I didn't fucking know. So evidently it's going to, the sun's going to go down at three. Then it's going to be cold as hell. I don't give a shit. It's still going to be a good time. You know, break up my party. You know what's funny though?

I talked to this person at Iceland, the radio show, and they said, okay, before we start this, I got to do the, I got to, you know, they were recording it for the radio. And he goes, all right, before I ask you the questions, I just have to do a quick intro. So I'm like, this, this, this is always cool because they speak in their native tongue and then they go right back to you. And I've never heard the Icelandic language and it's fucking cool as hell. You know what it sounds like? Remember when they would play lyrics backwards that devil shit on metal records?

That's what it sounded like. He's like, okay, I'm going to do the intro. I can't do it. I can't do the accent. And he just goes, Ross, you have tops because I want to get Bill Burt's. Stand up comedy. Ross, you know, Bill. So you're coming to our country.

I was like, oh my God, I hope these fucking people are going to be bilingual because there's no way I could ever make like that. You know, there's certain languages that I feel like I could make like Spanish. I know if I could just find some beautiful Spanish woman to teach me. Mexican, Latino, whatever the fuck I'm supposed to say. If you just come over here with your brown titties hanging out of your fucking beautiful white blouse, you know, I could learn the damn language. All right.

If I could get some French woman dressed up like one of those hoary maids, I would have it down. The problem is, is I sit here with this Rosetta Stone and I'm talking to a fucking computer. Where is the motivation? The second I walk away from the computer, I can immediately speak English and to do anything I want. I can get food. I go to Africa. I go to Asia. I can do whatever I want.

Why don't I just think of that weird girl in the breakfast club? I don't know if that was the proper quote. Anyways, back to what the fuck I was talking about. So like the motivation isn't there. So what I think I'm going to do this next time, I try Rosetta Stone to learn Spanish, French, whatever the fuck I'm trying, is I'm just going to have beautiful women like pictures of them on the wall. Even then, what's that going to do? You know what they should have?

They should just start like, you know, like they have like those, those late at night talk to some hottie. And they just show these ridiculously hot women like, yeah, hey, for some reason, nobody's buying me a bunch of stuff tonight. I'm just sitting here with my panties on. Why don't you call me up and talk to me? You zitted back fat fuck, right? You know it isn't true, but you want to believe it. So this might be a good business and I don't want to start a fucking business. All right.

I have no, so feel free to steal this idea. What you do is you hire a bunch of hotties to Skype with people to teach them the language of their nation. Now that wouldn't work because the amount of times that they would click to talk to somebody and all they would see is just some dick getting fucking stroked. That would just be really traumatic for those beautiful women. And why would you want to do that? You know, if they were nice enough, if they were nice enough to like take time from being hot to teach somebody a different language, they're probably a good person. So they shouldn't be subjected to that.

All those other whores that are just walking around being hot for hot sake, for the sake of being hot and getting a free jello shot. You know, I wouldn't have a problem with them having some video dicks like shook in their faces. Does that make sense? I'm unbelievably fucking jet lagged everybody. Speaking of smart people, I did a college gig at this theater and I literally flew out and came right back. So I don't even know the name of it. I have no idea. It's the second time I've been there and I want to shoot a special there.

The crowd was fucking awesome there. Okay, I showed you my respect. But I went there because me and Verzi went to the Harvard Yale game at the Yale Bowl. The original Bowl in the United States of America. This is the one that started all of it. The reason why there is the Rose Bowl that I go to every fucking year is because of the Yale Bowl. And we went there and I got to tell you, we saw what sports look like without the use of any sort of steroids. Verzi was fucking hilarious.

He was going, Bill, I'm not even joking. I feel that if I went to this school and I played for Yale, like I could not only make the football team, I could like dominate, like I could stand out. And I understood why he felt that way. I'm not saying he's right, but to sit in the stands and for the first time in my life, be watching college football and seeing people that are kind of the same size as you. I know they're way fucking faster and all that type of thing, but it was unbelievable. Yale versus Harvard, Harvard kicked the shit out of them. And I can tell you, it was really cool just being around that many smart people. Looks like some 20 year old fat kid walking through the crowd wearing like a bow tie.

Like not like a clip on, like you tie it yourself, like he knows how to do it. It's just immediately, it's like, how fucking smart is that guy? Like who knows how, who fucking knows how to do that? I'll tell you, smart people and plantation owners are the only ones who know how to do that fucking bow tie, right? And then there was some really good looking women there. And they were, they were, you know, that's just, that's a really turn on to see women that good looking, you know, and they're actually going to Harvard. They're just not walking around being hot, getting free shit. They're actually doing something with your life.

That's really a turn on. Can you imagine banging a girl like that? Just being on top for like, oh God, she's so smart. She has all the answers. I know this is ridiculous. So the Yale Bowl, everybody, in case you're wondering, the Yale Bowl is a football stadium in Gunwaven, New Haven, Connecticut, on the border of West Haven. Yada, yada, yada, yada. It was constructed and broke ground in 1913.

All right, custom 750 grand, 17.5 million in today's dollars. That was the 130th meeting between Yale and Harvard. And I was just sitting there thinking like George Bush, George W, used to get fucking shitfaced back when he was still a good shit drinking. You know, he used to get hammered here. Hillary fucking blue Bill Clinton under the bleachers, right? Those two families, they're the worst. I don't mind his dad, but fucking Georgie Jr. and the Clintons, they're just the fucking worst. But anyways, basically ground was broken in 1913.

It was the first bowl-shaped stadium in the country and provided inspiration for the design of such stadiums as the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, the Rose Bowl, and Michigan Stadium. This was the one that started it all. This is the daddy to the granddaddy of them all. All right, this is Zeus to all the Athenas and Mercury's and all that shit. Did I jump between Greek and Roman gods? I don't give a fuck. All right, you goddamn egghead, why don't you go tie your bow tie again today? Nobody gives a fuck.

So we went there and dude, Verzi was so fucking first of all, he killed on the show and then we were staying at this hotel. And before the show, we were hanging in my hotel room. We were watching LSU playing the Aggies. And it was great to see LSU win, you know, all the disappointing losses this year. And when you looked out the window, you could see Yale's campus. And I was joking with Paul and I was going, look at it, Paul. I go, it's so close. And then I pointed to my brain and I'm like, yet so far away.

And I'm laughing. And Verzi's such like a fucking competitive psycho. He starts going, dude, fuck that. Dude, fuck these fucking people. He's like, you think we couldn't get into school? I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I don't think we didn't, Paul. You know, you're going to go into fantasy land.

What happened is we both went to high school and we tried and we didn't get in. So yeah, this isn't even like a debate at this point. We didn't. And now we're coming back here like a couple of fucking dancing monkeys to entertain these people. All right. And he wouldn't, he wouldn't leave it alone. He just kept going like, dude, fuck that. If I had a better upbringing, you know, if I had like people who like made me focus on academics.

And if I, yeah, Paul, yeah, if you're not the result of Moron's fucking, right? That's too harsh. I feel, I'm the same way. All right. Jesus Christ. They just attacked his parents. That's that, you know, that's the last thing I want to do on this podcast. But Verzi sitting there, he was, was not joking.

Saying that he could be, he could make it. He could have went to Yale. And that's why I love that guy. As I just sit there and look, I go, there's no fucking way. He's like, yeah, we can do it. It, there's no fucking Verzi. If you're listening to this, there is no fucking way. If your parents made you read books, every goddamn like, there's no fucking way.

You've said enough dumb shit to me. The foundation of you. It's just not there. The same as me, Paul. Okay. It's, it's built on, it's built in sand. Now had either one of our parents gone there and then we were part of a legacy or whatever the fuck they call it.

We go, I could go there. I could go to Yale the way George W went there. You know, get there, have that fucking look on my face. Just getting shitfaced. Everybody loving me. Hey, he's a complete fuck up. He has no business being here. But he got the, he bought the keg.

Right? I'd be that guy. I don't fucking know. Either way, we went to the game and it was great. It was really like, it was sort of pure. There was nothing riding on the game. There's no reason to play football at Yale and Harvard other than you love playing football. And then also the fact that, you know, they're all really smart.

That was something really fascinating about it. Like that guy, look at that guy out there. That's geometry. And he just went over the middle and took that hit. That's just fucking amazing to me. Just multi-talented. So I got all kinds of respect. I got to tell you, I think Harvard was on the juice though because they have some sort of,

I don't know, lock on draft picks because they seem, there seemed to be a definite, a sizable difference between the athletes on Harvard side versus Yale. And I didn't know what to root for. I liked Yale's colors, bought Harvard's from Massachusetts. All right, I'm done with this shit. All right, back to the fucking podcast. So, oh, I have an announcement to make everybody, after threatening forever, that there would be podcast t-shirts.

Ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, boys and girls of all sizes. The podcast t-shirts are here. T-shirt info. They are available as of right now, Monday morning. They come in gray and white, sizes small, medium, large, extra, large, and double extra large. T-shirts are 20 bucks in the United States, 25 for foreigners. DVDs are also 20 bucks, 25 for international. You can buy them together and save.

T-shirt and DVD combo is 30 bucks, US, 35 international. And I got to tell you, man, that makes a great gift, as I say, every year. It's a great fucking gift. Just for somebody that you don't give a shit about, but you got to get him, you got to get him something, right? Get him a DVD, here you go, go fuck yourself, laugh it up, fucko, right? Who doesn't like a t-shirt? All right, these are those amp, amp, now what is it? Well, not Amber Kromby and Fitch.

Who's the guy who takes the creepy pictures of teenagers? It begins with an A. You know, you know the deal, you know the fuck they are. Ah, fuck. Whatever, they're nice and soft. This is really bad to say after he's saying he takes pictures of teenagers. He has those creepy things. It's not Calvin Klein.

He's like the new Calvin Klein. You know what I'm saying? They're fucking great t-shirts, all right? And this is also a good thing, too. Brother, father, anything for guys. A goddamn t-shirt and a DVD. My moron comedy, they're going to love it. It's a perfect thing.

The lovely Nia, everybody. Hello. Coming into the room. You got, I got to sign what here? Jesus, she comes in here with a goddamn blank check. It tells me I just have to sign it. Do you understand the faith I'm putting in you right now? You know what would be hilarious is if you just cleaned me out right now

and I never saw you again. I would never do that. I would never do that. You know what you sound like? You sound like Sharon Stone right now in that basic instinct. I'd have to be pretty crazy to write a fucking something-something. All right, see you. Have a nice day with my money.

I'm fucking with you. Come here. That's me always taking the joke one fucking step too far. Why did you have to say that? Now people are going to think they're not. You're fucking saint for being with me. All right. So there you go.

T-shirt info. You got it. It's up there. Holidays are coming. If you order now, all right? There's no fucking way you're not going to get it before Christmas. I guarantee it. If you don't get it before Christmas,

I will show up at your Christmas party in 2018 doing a tap dance with the fucking 221. That's a guarantee. I'm really betting that you're not going to remember that. It's going to fucking get there is all I'm saying. And no, I'm not doing your Christmas party, all right? Don't be so goddamn selfish. I got to humiliate myself.

Don't I do that every week when I read the advertising? Speaking of which, yeah, I think it's time for a little bit of advertising, everybody. Here we go. I'm in danger right now of not making the cut on the tour here. All right. Now, let's try to make it easier. Let's say that par for the course is three fuck ups in these reads.

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I only had one. I was two under for that one. Oh my God, look what's back everybody. Look what's back just in time for the holiday season. Doobie doobie doo and Scootily bop get a fucking man great and throw it at your daddy's head. Man great everybody. Bill Burr man great copy for Christmas 2013.

I don't think that that was supposed to be part of the read here. All right, now it starts. That was just a couple of practice swings off the tee. All right, this holiday, can I have a mulligan? This holiday season, think the man great. What is the man great you ask? Or maybe you didn't ask. Maybe I'm putting words in your mouth because I know what's good for you.

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And every time he goes to eat a steak, he's going to call you up, you know. Thank you, son. God bless you. For 1999, you can have that conversation. Remember, each Monday morning podcast order comes with a heavy-duty grilling brush. Again, that's the man great grill enhancement system. Order today at billburr.com or you, my friend, are an asshole. All right, one more.

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Because of a moron. Anyways, back to Hulu Plus. You can always check out exclusive content, including Hulu Originals, like the awesomes starring SNL's Seth Meyers or SN's Seth Meyers and Moon Boy starring Chris O'Dowd from Bridesmaids. Hulu Plus also offers a great selection of acclaimed films. For only $7.99 a month, you can stream as many TV shows and movies as you want, wherever you want. Right now, you can try Hulu Plus free for two weeks when you go to huluplus.com.

That's a special offer from my listeners. Make sure you use the huluplus.com slash bill so you get an extended free trial and they know that we sent you. Go to huluplus.com slash bill now or click the huluplus banner on the podcast page at billbird.com. Damn it, I was doing great and I came up the 18th fucking fairway and I shanked it. God damn woods. Alright, back to the podcast here. Alright. Very uneventful week, I feel everybody.

So, considering there's not a lot going on in the world of politics, what should we talk about? Oh, I don't know. Hey, let's talk about sports. Anybody watch any sports this weekend? Were you watching things that involved sports? Was there sports watching? Alright, first things first. I have to address the no-call pass interference thing last week in the Panthers game.

That was obviously a Monday night game, so I didn't comment on it. I didn't have a problem with it. I thought it was a good no-call. I didn't like that they threw the flag and then picked it up, but how's Gronk going to make a fucking play on a pass that's not even going to get to him? It's not like the guy who interfered with them or held them, caught the ball. It was another guy who undercut the route. And I just feel like the rules in the NFL right now are tipped so heavily in favor of the offense. It's nice every once in a while to see the defense get a break, even if it goes against my fucking team.

Okay, classic examples if you watch the Giants Cowboys game. Early in that game, I think the Cowboys were up 7-0 at that point. They forced a fumble. They recovered it. And away from the play, there was a flag where the cornerback barely grazed this wide receiver and negated the Cowboys, you know, turnover. The defense made a play, caused a turnover. Once again, made a play, caused a fucking turnover in this new, the new rules. I mean, I can't complain.

They are the rules. Negates that and stops them from having a short field and possibly going up 14-0 or 21-0. I can't remember watching. So I did not have a problem with it. Good for the Panthers. And I actually tweeted that I didn't have a problem with it and I got all these fucking condescending, yeah, like responses to it. Like, oh, it's good to see a level-headed Patriots fan. It's good to see an impartial Patriots fan.

It's good to see a smart Patriots fan. What, because I fucking agree with you and your team? You selfish asshole. You know, right there, that's when you know like you don't have a true friend. Is when they just like you because you agree with them. And I would be willing to bet most of my fucking whatever, my shillings here, that those people who complimented me are not impartial and had the call gone. If the exact same fucking thing happened to their receiver and they lost the game,

they would be bitch moaning and complaining and saying how Tom Brady runs the league and all that fucking shit. So before you sit there and try and pat me on the head and say that I am impartial and I'm a smart Patriots fan, that's not a fucking compliment. You're a cunt. As long as I agree with you and your team and I don't agree with my team and it causes you to have a victory, then I'm smart, go fuck yourself. And with that, we get to yesterday. Yesterday's games, the New York football Giants lost.

And I know a lot of people think that I hate the Giants because they beat the Patriots two times in a row in Super Bowl. I don't. Not only do I not hate the Giants, I love the Giants. I love that organization. I've liked them for fucking ever. All the way back to Harry Cassin, Brad Van Pelt, Beasley Reese. I've been watching them forever. I've always liked the Giants.

I like the uniforms. I like the defenses. I just liked them. There's nothing better than having like, dude, when they had Lawrence Taylor and Harry Carson, and you know, I was like Wilbur Marshall. I was always like big linebacker. Like I like the Bears. I like defenses and that type of thing.

So I don't hate the Giants. What I hate is listening to Paul Versey talking about how he called something because he doesn't just say it for that weekend. He'll say it for the next seven years. So the reason why I wanted to see the Giants lose is because I don't want to listen to Versey talking to me like he's Nostradamus. If that's how you pronounce that guy's name. So that's all. And what kills me too is that division is so bad that they're still, they're still not out of it. There are only two games out of first place.

Three from going all the way up front, which should be insurmountable after 10 fucking games. But with that division, it isn't. It isn't. All right. I don't know who shot. I don't know who's not waiting. What are they? Are they four and seven?

Oh, so it's 11 games. Oh yeah, they're pretty much fucked. But I was, I got to tell you in the back of my head, I was kind of hoping that they were going to make it into the playoffs because playoffs, because I have a feeling just the way the Giants are, they, they would beat Seattle in Seattle. And another bunch of people would probably think that I hate the Seattle Seahawks because I did that whole, you know, the we are the loudest song. And I always make fun of Pete Carroll. I don't hate him. I don't give a fuck about the Seahawks one way or the other.

I think the loudest crowd thing is silly. And it's something that you focus on when you don't have any championship banners to look at. And I stand by that. But that doesn't mean I want you to lose. But Pete Carroll, it's just funny watching that guy lose, you know, watching a guy who goes, when something good happens. And he's totally proven himself as a coach. He's a great fucking coach.

He's a great college coach. He knows how to build up the program illegally and right before all the shit hits the fan to walk away from it. And I don't begrudge him for doing that because that's how the games play the same way. I don't begrudge Lance for doing what the fuck he did when everyone else was doing it. I don't begrudge any of that. And everybody who gives the Patriots shit for the spy gate thing is living in this fantasy fucking land that your teams do not cheat. I'm reading this great book right now and I don't have the title of it. I'll get it for you next week.

Lawhead gave me the book. Some of the last headbangers or something like that. It's like basically back when you just played with concussions and that type of shit. The level of cheating that was going on. First of all, they didn't even test for steroids, I think until like 1988 in football. And if you read about the Oakland Raiders, who's still to this day bitch about the fucking tuck rule, the shit they were doing in the 70s. Dude, do you know like they used to have like their pads?

They used to soak them in water because it would make them hard. And it was almost like having like a cast on and they would just club people in the head. And other teams knew that they were doing it. So during the pre-games and the warm-ups, they would wear the soft ones. And they'd have their hard ones under the bench. And there wasn't nine zillion fucking TV cameras. And people in the crowd all having TV cameras with this. Smartphones.

So when the game started, they would put the other pads on. They would just clock people in the fucking head. These guys were claiming they were taking horse tranquilizers and they were doing the dosage for a fucking 1,500, 1,200 pound fucking horse. They were out of their minds, hopped up on everything on the plant. So people have cheated all day long. And the greatest thing about cheating is watching people who don't cheat discover that there's cheating and to just watch them as adults

once again discovered that there's no Santa Claus and seeing their bottom lip quiver. I just, for the life of me, the reason why it's funny is not because I condone cheating. It's just that I just don't, I don't fucking get... I'd say how many times you gotta get fucked over to realize that how human beings are. You know? I'm a piece of shit. Right? Why wouldn't a football team when there's a zillion dollars at stake

and your legacy and your spot on the all-time list. I'm not saying everybody's gonna cheat, but I just get this fucking shocked look off your face. Like when O.J. got acquitted. Oh my god, that millionaire? The guy who had the money enough to be innocent gets declared innocent? Yes! All right. Am I fucking, am I like preaching right now?

I should shut the fuck up. Oh, and then also, what was I gonna say? How unreal was that, that Patriots Broncos game? I guess it's unreal if you're on the fucking winning side or if you didn't give a shit who won or not. Unreal. I watched that game flying. I was on Virgin Airlines, who by the way, they have this five minute music video.

First great is that airline is, when you get on that plane, rather than have them announced this is how you put on a seatbelt in the mask, which usually takes live human beings like a minute. They made like a five minute video that tries to have all the people dancing and singing and auto-tuned voices. And I gotta tell you, it is one of the most horrific things I've ever heard and it's played at such a volume. I had my fingers in my ears and I was humming and I could still hear it. I heard it on the way out and on the way back, I just gave into it and I just watched it. You know what really annoys the shit out of me is people who dance with an attitude look on their face. They think that they're fucking amazing.

I'm not saying that I don't respect the art of dancing, but what is with that look on your face? You know, like you're fucking Gronkowski and you just dragged fucking the entire secondary over the goal line. What are you doing? What, cause you did a little shim sham? Huh? Cause you're shaking your left shoulder while your right toes doing something else. Like now you have this look on your face, like you're lining up across and you're reading a defense. What is with that fucking look people have on their faces when they dance? Did Fred Astaire have that look on his face?

When you're dancing, there's only one look you should have on your face and it should convey roughly. Whee! Alright, stop looking at me like you're going to take my wallet. I just don't fucking understand. So it's five minutes of that combined with like auto-tune and that fucking robot dancing. That I, I just don't, with this fucking look of attitude and then rapping, they got some little girl. Fucking rapping like sounding like dice when he makes fun of women. About how to put a seatbelt on and it goes on for like five minutes as you sit underneath these aquarium giz lights.

The same ones that they have at the W hotel. Other than that, it's great because you get to just sit there and watch TV. So anyways, when I got through the whole fucking put on your seatbelts and rock and roll. Whatever the fuck they were singing. Oh, it just wouldn't fucking end. So I actually, I was watching the Patriots. I watched all the Giants game and then I went into the Patriots game right before we were about to make it 20 minutes. We were about to make it 24-21.

Got off the plane and somehow it was already 24-21 and I went by the bar and I saw a score to make it 28-24. That's our 24-21 and then 28-24 and it was insane. And then the whole way back from the airport, Verzi was texting me the updates and right as I got home, I saw the replay of the of the punt with a guy inadvertently touched it because he didn't hear Welker tell him to get out of the way. But what a fucking game and yet another reason why you don't leave early. But I don't think that that was a definitive example of what Brady and Manning can do because I thought the elements played such a fucking role in the game. But I will say this, Brady is 10-4 in 14 matchups against Peyton Manning. So I am done with that argument.

Alright, if you want Manning, go ahead. You can have him. I will take Brady any day, all day. You know, Brady doesn't even have that look on his face. Neither does Peyton Manning that these fucking dancers have is they're trying to tell me how to put on a fucking seatbelt. Did people who like dance, do they just get sick of getting beat up so now they feel like they have to take it on and now they have to have a game face? I was just watching it like, when did Kevin Garnett start dancing? I don't understand. Oh, that's not Kevin Garnett. That's just somebody dancing. I'm so exhausted from watching that whole fucking game and traveling around.

I don't even know what to say. I'm not going to try to rub anybody's nose in anything. It was at the end of the day an unbelievable win and just a regular season fucking victory. But it definitely, if you watch that game and you still leave games earlier, you're not a sport, you leave the game early. You're not a fucking sports fan. I was watching people clear out. I understood because it was fucking freezing and you're down 24-nothing. I understand if you're down 24-nothing at the half and it's fucking like absolutely freezing, disgusting, and you're with your little boy or your girl and they're cold and they want to go back to the car, I get that. But if you're a fucking man and you're standing there and the fucking stands for the love of God.

All right, the offensive lineman can be out there in short sleeve shirts. You know, you can't tough it out in your mighty Mac with your fucking mittens. And they leave and they watch one of the historical comebacks in New England sports. Titletown. It's just an unbelievable run. Every time you think you've seen the last great thing that's going to happen and then it's going to go back to the way it was, another great thing happened. I feel very blessed as a sports fan. So, well, there you go. There you go. Great fucking game. And this is the thing too. I don't think as much as that was a big win, that doesn't mean shit when the playoffs come.

Because we're going to have to go into Denver and at the end of the day, to use that overly used expression, Denver could come back and beat us in January and then who gives a fuck that we beat him in November, despite the fact that it was an unbelievable victory. I mean, shit, that happened with the Jets. We absolutely raped the Jets in December and then a month later we lost to them at home. So, who gives a fuck? They're both great quarterbacks and they're both great teams and who gives a fuck. It was an amazing goddamn game. I can't believe we came back and won it. And I'm done arguing the Brady Manning thing.

I think the numbers speak for themselves as far as the way I look at the numbers. And I think they both played each other enough times with all different kinds of teams, loaded teams, patched together teams like our fucking defense last night. I'm so fucking sick of them too, talking about how many injuries we have on defense. And then they go and like, they absolutely just ran right through the guts of that Patriots defense. It's like, oh yeah, the one where the guts were already ripped out. There's no guts left in it. Well, there are because we won the game.

I'm not saying that people are out there. Dude, we started four rookies yesterday. You're going to have a guy as good as fucking, no Sean running the ball. Yeah, he's going to rack up some fucking yards, although over 200 is inexcusable. So whatever. All right, let's get on to the questions this week. See, I think I handled that really well. I don't rub your fucking noses in it unless you're Jets fans.

All right, response to last podcast or Yankee fans. Response to last podcast. This is in response to the item mentioned on your last podcast, the brother that had the 16 year old sister who was dating a 22 year old. Okay, all capital letters. This guy writes, the brother needs to stay out of it. All right, so for those of you who didn't listen last week, there was a guy who's 16 year old sister was dating this 22 year old dude

and he was questioning, do I knock this guy the fuck out? Do I say something to my sister? Do I somehow get my parents to wake the fuck up? What do I do? All right, I gave my advice and this guy is saying, he seems like he's speaking from experience or this woman who ever wrote this. The brother needs to stay out of it. I met, oh, it's a lady.

I met my now husband when I was 15 and he was 20. Well, you little fast tramp. You couldn't even drive a car. How did you even meet a 20 year old? Huh? Well, you standing on the street going to why? Ba-da-da-ba. Ba-da-da-da.

Ba-da-da-da. I'm sure you're a nice person. Ba-da-da-da. Ba-da-da-da. Sorry. You were 15 and he was 20. Did your plane crash and he was stuck on an island? And it was like that blue lagoon or some shit?

He said, we started dating just after I turned 16. And we got married when I was 20 and he was 25. We have now been happily married almost 25 years. Oh, that's a nice story. It may not work out this way for this guy's sister, but it also might work out too and end up being a stronger relationship than any relationship this guy might have.

It's none of the brother's business. Stay out of it. Okay. Miss, I respect your point of view and what happened to you, all right? But let me ask you this. If you have a daughter and she turns 16 and some 22 year old guy starts sniffing around the house,

are you going to just sit there and be like, well, my husband was 20 and I was 15? You know, I got to be honest with you. The difference between 20 and 15, a 15 year old is a fucking, I can't quite say a child, but there is a massive age difference. Forget about the legality of it in most states

other than Mississippi. Sorry, I'm fucking with you guys. 22 to 16? I mean, you're talking about somebody who's in the middle of high school dating somebody who's graduated college. Ah, that, I don't know. I don't know about that, all right?

I... Look, can you at least understand why this guy is that upset? And have you ever watched To Catch a Predator? I mean, it's not like there's not like evidently a zillion fucking creeps out there. How many seasons of To Catch a Predator did they do? I mean, you would think like the amount of people out there

that are going online trying to meet underage women, you wouldn't think that, I mean, I would like to think that there's maybe 40 people doing that. But there isn't. There's a bunch, hundreds of thousands of fucking creeps out there doing that shit. So this guy is supposed to stay out of it

and roll the dice that maybe this guy is a good guy like your husband. Well, all I can say is I hope that you're right. You've had, fortunately, you've had more experiences in this than I have, because I would not want to have experience in any shape or form in this. And I don't think my family would stay out of it. There would be major fucking problems.

There would be major fucking problems. There would be. It's like, dude, you're 22. What the fuck is wrong with you? How did you even meet my sister? How are you meeting 16-year-olds, you fucking creep? You know what? Maybe I'm ignorant here. Why don't you write back again?

I want to hear the story of how you guys met. You know? Was he teaching you how to add and subtract? Sorry. The jokes are just too easy. All right. Thanksgiving Day special. Billy Crocker.

There's a new one, Betty Crocker. Billy Crocker, I like that. And I like to cook. Oh, that's a good one. Love your intensity when it comes to bringing something to the table on Thanksgiving. Absolutely no pun intended. It's really a no-brainer.

Get good at making something and get to a point where you're automatic. Oh, he's talking about, yeah. Like I was talking about a few weeks ago when Thanksgiving comes around. You got to have that dish that you just fucking can make. And you throw down and you take it to another level. All right?

Everybody else should be doing the same thing. And then the end, that's the Thanksgiving meal. So this guy goes, yeah, you get a dish down where you're automatic. How hard can it be? You'll never been expected to step out of your skill set. If you're baking breads, no one will ever expect you to bring the cranberry sauce.

What's your go-to this year? What's Nia's specialty? What's my go-to this year? How about the whole fucking meal? Dude, I'll tell you right now. You guys think I'm a fucking one-trick pony? I can make you a turkey dinner with stuffing, mashed potatoes, my gravy game is getting better.

I got to work on my gravy game. And I know that's crucial. All right? But my fucking, my mashed potatoes, not a fucking lump in them. All right? Enough butter to make you slide off the chair. As they say in New Orleans, that's a bad New Orleans accent.

I admit it. My stuffing, go fuck yourself. All right? Dude, you don't understand the recipes that I have access to. All of my recipes start with melt a stick of butter and a third a cup of Crisco in a pan. Okay?

So you know it's delicious. Yeah, my stuffing, I don't know. My mashed potatoes are the shit. But Nia's African-American, so she likes more sweet potatoes. So I don't think that side respects mashed potatoes the way they should. Okay? I feel like my potato, my United Colors of Benetton,

whatever the fuck it is, respect for sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes. I think I'm a little more mature than the lovely Nia. What's Nia's specialty? Nia's, she's just great at everything. She's one of those people that I'll be out in the kitchen like, there's nothing to eat. What the fuck?

I'm starving. She's like, what do you mean there's nothing to eat? She comes out there and she knows you've got a couple things under her arms. And I don't know, I'm eating spaghetti or I don't know what the fuck I'm eating. She somehow just throws it all together or makes some ridiculous omelet.

She's actually a true cook. I'm a little more robotic. I think I'm going to become a great cook or a better cook the way I became a better comedian where at first I was a joke writer and I was trapped in my act of improv and she's kind of just watching her. She kind of, as she cooks, she's tasting it and doing all that type of stuff where I just,

they said to leave it in 15 minutes. It's been 15 minutes and I take it out. Pies, I kind of got the whole thing to do from start to finish. My appetizer game is terrible. In fact, I don't even know if I know how to make one. I have no idea, but dude, I can make a pie from fucking scratch, okay?

I can look at you and tell you what all your fucking problems are as I'm making the pie crust and not even look down once. I can just feel the texture. You know what I'm saying? That's how many fucking pies I've made. All right? And I'll take that pie someday and I'll bring it to your fucking house.

All right? And I'll take a whole hunk of it and I'll just shove it right down your throat and there's nothing that you're going to be able to say other than thank you for that experience. All right? I'm shaking up the can of whipped cream to give you a facial. You know what's funny about this?

My attitude like cooking is the same as like those dancers with their stupid fucking looks on their faces. Take that fucking look off of your goddamn face. Unless you just dunked on somebody. Unless you have a loaded fucking pistol pointed at my face. You take that fucking look off of your goddamn grill. As you have fucking moon walking across the stage like I'm in awe of you.

I'm not saying it's not a great skill to have but what you're doing versus the look, the look on your face is so far down the fucking street compared to what the fuck you're doing. What is that? All the way back to those Janet Jackson videos. I miss you much. I miss you much.

And she'd have this fucking look on her face and she's putting her fingers in and she's hopping around and it was amazing. Visually it was amazing to look at but why do you have that fucking look on your face? Why are you all dressed in these army uniforms? Like you're fighting in a war. All right?

Get back to the way it was. All right everybody. Five, six, seven, eight. You know I just realized that Shamil Shamazel were Yiddish words. I never knew what it was. I thought it was Jewish guys that ran the beer company that they worked for.

And I know I'm not pronouncing them correct. Shamil is the kind of guy who I guess spills a drink and is Shamazel, I can't say unless I sing the song. Shamil, Shamazel, Shamazel, Shamazel is the guy he spills it on. How funny is that? They haven't tell you guys how much I love Yiddish words. I actually just looked up a bunch because I wanted to learn some more

because they're fucking hilarious and they're fun to say. And I really like Jewish humor. But I actually looked up and it was like, I already knew 90% of them. There was so many that I was using and I didn't even realize. Did I already talk about this or did I start to talk about it? I don't give a fuck. It's the holiday week.

You guys got a short week. How psyched are you? How fucking great is this? This is the work week that we were supposed to have. Remember the Jetsons? Maybe, oh god, these three-day work weeks are murder. All right, the Yiddish handbook. 40 words you should know.

All right, there's so many that I use. Shutzpa, nerve, extreme arrogance. Oh, I've been using that wrong. I thought that meant you had like, oh, hutzpahs to get up and go. Shutzpa is, oh, that's funny. Like, shut the fuck up. I don't need your arrogance.

A glitch is a Yiddish word. Kibitz, a klutz, kosher, obviously. Nosh is to nibble. Shlep, I never knew. There is. Shlameel is a clumsy inept person, similar to a klutz. The kind of person who always spills his soup. I know I'm butchering these sorry Jewish people.

A shlemazel is someone with constant bad luck. When the shlameel spills his soup, he probably spills it on the shlemazel. That's fucking, I'm sorry. I know I fucking schmaltzy, schmooze, schmuck. We all use these words, schtick. I had no idea. I had no fucking idea that these were all Yiddish words.

You know what's a fucking great Yiddish word too? For your dick, schmeckle. Isn't that fucking perfect? It just sounds like what it is. You can just hear the trouble you're going to get into with it. Ah, what happened? Ah, my fucking schmeckle. Did it again.

God damn it. All right. Here we go. Let's move on here. Oh, you know what? I got to do some more advertising so I don't read these too late in the podcast so they don't fucking bitch, moan and complain. All right.

Here we go. Oh, there's only one more for this week. Look at this. Short week. Short list of advertisers. All right. Evoise, everybody. The holidays are coming.

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All right? I gave you the links, evoise.com slash billburr or billburr.com and click on the Evoise banner for your free 30-day trial. There you go. That's the deal. That's the advertising for this week. And now we're back to the letters. Holiday friend, Billy Oh.

I've been seeing this girl for about a month and a half. Handful of dinners and some sex. Very nice. You like to eat? You like to fuck? Who doesn't like doing that? This guy's over here. What do you want from me?

She's super cool, but I'm emotionally unavailable. Oh, you son of a... You had a bad father? Bad parents? What happened? Huh? You get thrown in a burlap sack and beaten with a reed like fucking Dr. Evil? What happened to you?

He said, I got too much stuff going on with work to be thinking about a relationship. However, I'm enjoying this casual situation. She seems to be happy as well. Oh, Jesus, dude. You're going to break her heart, man. Women don't look at this shit the way we do. She seems happy as well because she's probably thinking it's going somewhere is what I'm guessing. And then one day you'll be like, yeah, you know, I'm not feeling it.

And then she's going to start crying. You're going to be like, what the fuck? I thought we were just fucking. And then she's like, that's all you thought this was? It's all I wanted to hear this whole time. We went out. We got ice cream. You know what?

It's like, just picture Seinfeld crying. That's what you're going to hear. Why would you do that? However, I'm enjoying the casual situation. She seems to be happy as well. So what do I get her for Christmas that doesn't make it look like I've made room for her toothbrush? Dude, you shouldn't get her anything for Christmas. Don't get her fucking thing for Christmas.

Don't fuck her until after Christmas. Why are you filling up her heart with hope? Don't do this. I've done this. You're going to hurt her. He goes, I was thinking about some small things. A book and maybe a sweatshirt from this place on the beach that she likes. Oh, well, isn't that thoughtful?

Dude, get her a pack of Fig Newtons, like share her a package of those. Let her know where you stand. He said, PS, the last gift I bought a girl was a few years back. We've been dating for three years and she cheated on me. Oh, we had been dating for three years and she cheated on me. I found out over Thanksgiving and when it came time to give Christmas presents, I handed her a frame with a poem. The first part of the poem was super sweet.

She was getting emotional. Then she got to the last line, which read, After these words, your heart should feel heated. But instead, I'm going to peace because bitch, you cheated. Holy shit. Wait a minute. Is that a true story? I don't even care if you made it up.

You have to write back. I want to hear what happened. What the fuck did she say? Jesus Christ, dude, that's like, I'd expect like a, that's like, That's really deep, man. That's really clever. That's really intelligent. That's the kind of thing a woman would do.

You know, we're usually just knees and elbows. So like, what? You know, just start screaming at them. You know, you're in a full Nelson by some other fucking jerk off. Dragging you away and you're in the right. That's really, that's really amazing. I would, I would say, I would say this. Oh wait, this is my podcast person texting me right now,

trying to call me right now. He's getting on a plane. So that's why this podcast is late. All right. And also I had to do this radio tour. Go fuck yourselves. All right. It's the holiday week.

I'm sitting here in my slippers. Whatever your thoughts. My thoughts are, you're really going to hurt this woman. Because I feel like you haven't had a conversation with her. You said, you said, however, I'm enjoying this casual situation. And you said, she seems to be happy as well. So that indicates to me that you guys haven't talked, sat down and talked this out.

I can guarantee you, if this woman is anything like the women that I've dated, it's already too late. All right. She might be happy thinking like, oh wow, he's taking it slow. He's really getting to know me. You know, he got me a sweatshirt from this place on the beach that I like. He's paying attention to me. He is noticing things about me.

You know what it is, dude? You're actually a relationship guy. But this other woman ruined you. And you got to get that hate out of your heart or the defensiveness out of your heart before you should be messing around with something like that. Like right now, what you should be doing is just going out and just, I don't know, working on yourself while fucking everything that moves. Or maybe not.

You shouldn't be going like, don't hurt this. I don't know what's going on because this is still very vague. But don't hurt this woman because that last one hurt you. I've made that mistake. It's bad, it's bad, dude. And I'm not judging you for being in that situation because you're a guy and you shouldn't understand them. But now that I understand them a little bit more, you know, you're headed for a fucking,

if I had to guess, you're headed for a rough Christmas or shortly after Christmas. You know, when she goes, you want to meet my parents? Then I can wear this sweatshirt that you got me from the place on the beach that you like. You know, and she'll bring that up right after she just blew you and you're Saturn. And you'd be like, yeah, you know, I was going to watch the holiday bowl instead with some buddies of mine. I was going to watch the Outback Steakhouse fucking bowl. And then she'd be like, well, wait a minute, like why? I don't understand.

And then you'd be like, and then you're going to be starting to sense like, well, what do you mean you don't understand? I just invited you to meet my parents and you like, you don't want to meet them? I'm a little offended. I mean, these are, these are my parents. Ah, ah, ah, sounds good. Jaws starts hanging down. You can't even understand what she's saying. And you're like, and then she starts crying.

And then if you're like most guys, you get mad because you're uncomfortable. Are you going to fucking cry now? I can't believe that I would be crying and you would say something. Who are you? Who are you? Okay, let me out of the car. Let me out of the car. She fucking rolls into a snowdrift.

I'm telling you, dude, you know, you don't want to go down this road. I got a bad feeling. I got a bad feeling about this one, man. Just make sure that she's enjoying this the same way you are. Who wouldn't like to be with the super cool girl that you don't have to fucking be emotionally involved with who's coming over and banging you? And let me tell you something, dude, this is not 100% on you. So don't feel guilty because she also hasn't sat down and had the conversation.

Maybe she has her baggage. Maybe she sat down and said that to some other guy and it scared her away. And she said, okay, not to stop. Did I bring out? Is this guy? He loves you too. Coffee shop girl. Dear illiterate cunt.

I'm not illiterate. I just not good at reading out loud. It doesn't make me illiterate. I can still read the words. Didn't that just sound like somebody illiterate? I'm smart. Frado. All right.

I'm a young guy. Oh my God. Some 21 year old kid just called me an illiterate cunt. And you know what? I got to take that on the chin. I got to sit here at my locker at the end of the reading game. I take full responsibility for that loss. I got no one to blame myself.

I'm a young guy, 21. And I have kind of, and I kind of have a thing for a chick who works at my local coffee shop. Please tell me she's not 16. I don't want to read another one of these. The idea of chatting her up while she's working always seems weird to me. Mainly because I know she has to listen. Just give me some quick tips so I don't come off as a weirdo. Love the podcast and thanks.

Dude, are you fucking kidding me? This is the perfect situation. All right. Oh, she works at the local coffee shop. Oh, I thought you worked with her. Fuck. That's the perfect, that's the perfect situation. If you work with somebody that you're into, as far as being able to talk to them, it's not weird at all.

And you can make them laugh and that type of thing, then they get into you. But then the bad thing is, is then you start fucking somebody you're working with. And you've got a pretty good chance that you're not going to make the playoffs with that one. And you're going to have to rebuild. And it's going to be ugly. And you're going to lose your fan base. And the fan base will be the other chicks that worked that you probably should have been fucking instead of that whore. But anyways, all right.

So you're walking into this coffee shop and there's a girl there working there that you like. And you don't want to start because it's going to seem weird. All right. Well, what's weird about that is to try to do it in line is you're really dealing with a short period. It's like a vine. You're going to try to hit on her in the span that it takes to watch a vine. You like that? You like that reference?

Trying to be hip to the dubstep fucking generation. Is dubstep already over? Have you moved on to something else? Yeah. That fucking look on your goddamn face. All right. I could break you in half like a pencil. Will you stop looking at me like you can kick the shit out of me while you're dancing?

Maybe that's what it is. Maybe that's just the funny something, something funny about it. Attitude dancing. Can you guys send me some clips to some of the funniest attitude dancing you can find? Or maybe put some together? Right? There you go. You know what I love is when you guys take clips from my podcast and then you play the

audio underneath. Like some of the animation that people have done is fucking so creative. Like that one when that guy did the one for and I sang that song. Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans? That's where my baby goes. And the guy did the whole animation of it and I was talking about somebody throwing up and when the word throw up came in, it looked like it was launched out of somebody's mouth like it arced its way in.

Really creative. So how about as I'm talking about these people dancing, just put, come on, you guys, all you fucking youngsters, you know how to use computers, just put the audio underneath and just have that kind of dancing over the top? Like that's the video? I don't know how to say it technically. Anyways, let's get back to this thing. So you, all right, first thing you got to do is I would, you got to drink your coffee

there. Does she come around? This is so hard. How do I give you advice? All I can give you, I can't tell you what to say because I never know what to say until I'm there in the moment and something pops in unless she's really good looking. And then at that age, I would just get fucking intimidated and be like, I'm just going to sit here and eat my brand muffin.

What would you do? I don't know. Do you got something coming up that you can invite her to? This is what I would do. I would come there frequently enough that she starts to recognize you. All right. And then ease your way into kind of knowing her. I guess I would do that.

And then you have something. If you got a fucking, whatever you kids do nowadays, you know, if there's a big ecstasy shipment coming to town and you're going to meet the truck there with your glow sticks and you got an extra pair of glow sticks that you can hand to her. Maybe you could do that. Something where I'm just flailing here. Dude, don't fucking ask me. Coffee shot.

I never picked up any girl that worked at a fucking coffee shop. I was good on the subway in New York, but that was cause they would always be some weirdo doing something weird. And then you could just lock in with the other person, you know, like, look at this fucking maniac. And then you could make some, say something funny about that. You'd make them laugh. And then you were in that, the gym, coffee shops, that's out of my wheelhouse.

So I would just say, go there enough where she starts to recognize you. Try to extend the conversation each time you order. And then blah, blah, blah. But, but the thing is you can't keep coming in there cause you're really going to look like a creep. So I would say within three visits, give yourself three visits. On the third visit, you just got to fucking ask her. You know, if she's seen anybody and have something to invite her to, that's going to be a fun

thing. Don't just be like, I just want to take you out sometime and maybe I could pull it out and you could just look at it. You don't have to touch it. Don't do it like that. Have something to, to an event. Ladies like the events. And I don't know what they're into at your age, but I don't know.

The first time is too weird. You got to have unreal game that I don't have. So I can't fucking give you advice. Second time, she's getting to know you and then third time you go for it, right? Swing for the fucking fence. Just say, look, cutie pie. I don't work here. All right.

So I know this is what, what am I supposed to do? I'm attracted to you. All right. Fuck sakes. Put down the goddamn coffee and come to me to the, to the burning man thing. I got plenty of sunscreen and ecstasy and, you know, and it's not a sex thing. I mean, I would hope it would eventually turn into it, but more in like a lovingly thing, like the kind of thing where I wouldn't tell my friends what we did because I care for

your kind of thing, you know, maybe we lay in the dirt and roll around. Next to that thing that's on fire, right? I have no coffee shop game. Hey, anybody out there have coffee shop game? I don't drink coffee. That's the thing. All right. It's fucking gross.

It tastes like dirty water and it burns my mouth. So I don't fuck with it. And that just takes all that coffee shop pussy right out the fucking window. They always just seem like the coffee shop people to me always seem like hipsters, like they just were over everything, you know? So if you're over everything, you're over everything, the fucking Grand Canyon. You're over that. My dumb ass is coming in there.

What the, you're not going to be over that lack of pigment. All right. The mall, Billy holiday. Very nice. I am going on all the day. I'm going to Italy. Nice Thanksgiving. What's your plan of attack when you enter a mall?

Are you on a mission or are you a window shopper? Do you have a favorite gift you've ever been given? And what's your go to mall food? Panda Express Taco Bells, Sparrow Pizza. Sparrow Pizza sucks. It always looks good. I'll tell you, but it really fills you up. I usually go with the chicken Parmesan on that.

That one a little skinny. Then I get on the plane and I start farting into that fucking flotation device beneath me. Or perhaps a fancy sandwich from all ball and Paul. They know that there's nothing fancy about that other than the fucking name. All bond pan. If you're still living in the 90s, always making fun of the place. Thanks and gobble, gobble, go fuck yourself. All right.

My plan of attack when I enter a mall, I only go to a mall when I need something. That's it. And I know what I want and I know where it is. And I go in there and when it's not there, I'm like, oh, what the fuck? And then I leave. I do not window shop at malls. I hate malls. It's just all those fucking people.

And it just makes me, they're just depressing. When I was younger, it was great. You walked around. There was all these fucking, that was like what you did. You go to the mall and then you ran into girls that you weren't your grade. And they'd be like, hi, Bill. And I'd be like, hi, how are you? And then I'd walk away and my face all red.

And then I was like, whoa, why didn't I say something? I hate myself. And then where would I sit down and eat? I don't like Panda Express. Taco Bell, no. Fast food, Mexican food. Why don't you just play Russian roulette? Taco Bell is Russian roulette for your ass.

Sparrow pizzas, same fucking thing. Where would I go? Well, if I had to choose small ones, I'd go to Sparrow. It's usually some barbecue thing. I don't know. You know what I hate is when they'd have that little sweet and sour chicken on the toothpicks. And then that overly smiling Asian woman would come over and ask you if you wanted one. And it's just like, didn't you like poison the toys?

I don't want to eat that, right? How Archie Bunker was that? I just don't like, it just fucking creeps me out that you're walking around with food. Like where was that? Where did you get that? You know, you're on this side of the counter. Like on that side, I already know there's enough health code violations. It's Sparrow pizza, Taco Bell and Panda Express.

Enough rat turds in that shit that, you know, I should run out of here right now. But now you're on this side where people are sneezing. You're on this side of the sneeze glass, walking around with that shit. You don't even have it covered. Stuck with a little fucking toothpick. And then you got that other thing over there where people stick their used toothpicks. Where you get that fucking glazed chicken out of my face there, smiley. Beat it.

Yeah, I'm too old to eat at those places. When I was younger, I ate at Mickey D's. I ate McDonald's. I was a McDonald's guy. Kentucky fried chicken cold. I could never eat it hot. That grease when it's hot makes me sick to my stomach. When it's cold, it's fucking ecstasy.

And I would melt into the rug, into the rug like I was in train spotting. I'd like friendlies back in the day. Get myself a nice burger melt and a fucking Jim Dandy. Nice 3,000 calories to the fucking hot. And then I'd walk out of there and go play frisbee football. Because that's what she did back then. With my fucking white socks, yanked up underneath my patella. Ken patella.

All right, that's the podcast for this week, people. I don't know what to tell you. All right, I hope you guys have a wonderful Thanksgiving. My European tour is about to start. I'm going over to Italy. And speaking of going to like the first bowl ever, I'm going to go to the Coliseum. So if you're in Italy and you're going to be over there, look for me in the Coliseum. It hasn't even hit me yet that I'm going to be.

I actually, we land in Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris and then we fly over to Italy. And it's an unbelievable, it's something to give thanks for. It's an unbelievable privilege that I can do what I do for a living. And enough people come out to see me, that I can take the lovely Nia with me over to Italy. And so thank you to everybody who's come out to my shows this year and all the years past. And I'm really looking forward to giving everybody their money's worth over in Europe because I plan on doing this for the rest of my career. Doing stand up and traveling over to Europe. And I'm going to tour Australia next year and Canada, the Canada one's going down in March.

And we're working on those dates right now and I just plan to keep on expanding it. I'm hoping to also do New Zealand and I know there's a gig in India. I mean, why the fuck wouldn't I go? I want to go over there and see what that's like, right? Tokyo and all those places I plan on, you know, you only go around fucking once. And I really believe that when you're dead, you don't go anywhere. I think you just go in the fucking ground and you make the soil rich for other living things. So, if you've got a comedy club, I'm fucking going to try to hit it before I die.

Something, I want to see the Great Wall of China. I want to see all of that shit. Why the fuck wouldn't you? I want, you know, something, somebody came up to me from Saudi Arabia and gave me some currency. It was really fucking cool. It said 50 on it. I'm like, dude, you giving me 50 bucks? He's like, yeah, it's like worth 15 over here. And I can still 15 bucks. So, I'm really into all of that stuff. So, I'm hoping to see as much as I can and I couldn't do it without you guys coming out to my show.

So, there you go. There's a warm, fuzzy ending. Me giving thanks on the week of Thanksgiving. And that's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves. For people in Los Angeles, if you haven't heard, I'm doing a New Year's Eve gig at the Wiltern Theater with the entire Rose Bowl Tailgate Syndicate. Myself, Joe Bartnick, Jason Lawhead and Andrew Thamelis. We're all going to be telling jokes that night and it's going to be phenomenal. And there's not a lot of tickets left.

It's going to be a great fucking show. Come on down, bring in the New Year with us and that's it. Okay, now this is the official end. Go fuck yourselves. Have a great Thanksgiving and I'll talk to you next week from Italy. I think I'll be in Italy. Maybe I'll be in London at that point. I don't know. Alright, that's it. Fuck you. Thank you.