Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-3-16

Episode Date: November 4, 2016

Bill rambles about the Cubs, the rain delay and Indigo Girls.

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Visit Genesight.com for more information. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. Sorry, Cleo. My dog just popped up like, what the fuck, dude? What's going on, everybody?

How are you? How's it going? You guys watching these sports lately? Oh, Jesus. What happened with the baseball there? Jesus Christ. What a difference a couple of fucking days makes. My God.

The fucking Cleveland Indians up three games to one looking to end their streak. Dude, did I call it or did I fucking call it? What did I say? Did I say it to you guys? I thought I said that this is just fitting. Did I say that on Monday because I think it was three games or two by then? I said that whatever team was going to fucking win was going to look like they were going to lose.

So they tortured the shit out of their fans and whatever team was going to lose was going to look like they were going to win because they take their emotions right through the fucking stratosphere and then slam them right down on the pavement. And game seven was literally the microcosm that the way that whole fucking game played out was basically if you ever wanted to know what it was like to be a Chicago cub or a Cleveland Indian fan. And the only reason why they both didn't face plan each other is because mathematically it was not an option.

Somebody had to win the fucking thing, but neither team was just, neither team was just going to win this fucking series. That was basically it. That was the point I was trying to make the other day. They were going to torture the fuck out of their fans to the point that even if they did win the thing, you'd still have some sort of nervous fucking twitch or a tick for like three days afterwards. Jesus Christ, what a game.

If you didn't watch game seven, I feel bad for you as a fucking human being, you know, as it's fucking 71 degrees in Cleveland, Ohio in November. They had no reason to be concerned. Let's play ball. Oh, Jesus. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. Well, last people, before we get to the tipping point where this global warming thing isn't

a fun thing in November anymore, anyways, back to bread and circus. Let's talk a little baseball here talking baseball. Congratulations to the 2016 World Series champions, the fucking Chicago Cubs. I never thought I'd, I didn't, I mean, I guess I'd thought I'd say it at some point when I finally saw the Red Sox when it congratulations to the Cubs fans. I've been there, you know, and I only, I only last, you know, out of the 86 years, I only saw 36 years of it, right? Of course, you know, whatever the first 10, you're just a kid running around fucking

stick and shit at fucking, you know, your poking dead skunks and stuff. You don't give a fuck about a curse, right? Some for my teen years on, I suffered for 20 fucking years, if I'm honest, I vaguely remember 78 and, you know, 86 was my, was my christening as a Red Sox fan like, Hey, Bill, this is what it's going to be like. Buckle up, right? I've been there and Cleveland Indian fans, my condolences, I've been there too. I've fucking been there too, but what a fucking game that was.

Jesus Christ. And you knew it. The Cubs had to go out early. They had to score a bunch of fucking rungs because as the game went on, it was going to tip in favor of the Indians because they had, they had fresher arms and everybody was fucking shitting on old fucking, the guy from the devil race. I don't know anybody's names, by the way. I don't know anybody's names to just fucking deal with it.

And they were all shitting on him for putting Chapman in there. I'm on the death chart now, so I can look at the face and know who the fuck I'm talking about. Right? For keep putting Chapman, dude, he's over you, you know, what is he doing? It's like, dude, they've played three elimination games in a row. You got to use the guy. Don't you think he brought them in a little too early?

I love them. People say that they haven't even coached a little league fucking team to a victory yet and they're questioning what a major league, I mean, I guess she can question it, but, and it's always like, well, the guy who I would have put in, who didn't go in, so you have no idea what would have happened if you put him in, I'm going to hypothetically say that we then would have won the fucking game or it would have gone smoother. So I look smarter. They had to put that guy in there and what was, what was the big problem?

You put the fucking guy in instead of throwing 105, he was throwing 98. I mean, well, what are you going to do? You had to do it. Cubs go up. I can't remember what the fuck happened. There was so many goddamn twists and turns. What was it? It was like five to one, then like a wild pitch or whatever and fucking lawhead.

Jesus. You want to see the funniest fucking, if you want to see the funniest, like, like run of tweets, go look at Jason Lawhead's Twitter. That fucking guy, he quit in the fifth inning. You know, I'm just going to wait till the pitchers and catchers report, right? And then fucking two seconds later, wild pitch, it's five to fucking three. It's still a game. Oh, I never saw a guy.

He just, well, he was packing it in, packing it in, packing it in. Um, and he said he wasn't going to tweet anymore until the catchers and pitchers reported and then all of a sudden they fucking tie it up. That home run. Who the fuck? I got to get his name, right? The way it's Cleveland, Steph, char Davis, right? Was that what it was?

The left fielder. Holy shit. And I got to tell you something right now. I flip flop so many times who the fuck I wanted to see win. Initially I was with Cleveland cause everybody wanted the Cubs fans. I saw that 30 for 30 with Bartman and I was just like, you know what, these guys, they're not the fucking salt of the earth people that they try to make them out to be the happy go lucky, take your shirt off.

Maybe we win, maybe we lose as long as we enjoy the America's past time. These aren't who these people are. They're just like me. Every Red Sox, every Yankees, every Philly fan actually argued with a Yankee fan today was going like, fuck the Cubs. That's Steve Bartman. They ruined that kid's life. That wouldn't have happened in New York.

I was like, get the fuck out of here. That wouldn't have happened in New York. What happened in New York? It would have happened in Boston, but you know what, in fairness to Cubs fan base, what that really was was the morning, you know, the shock, jock guys. And what they did was they, they stirred up the lower 10%, 15% of people, you know, as pissed as I would be, oh, whatever, there's no fucking way. Would you really get on a phone and start making depth, death threats?

I mean, really think about the level of mouth breathing more on that. You would have to be to take it to that level. So I don't, so whatever. So initially that's kind of, I was, I'm a contrarian. Everyone's for the Cubs. So I was rooting for the fucking Indians. And then what happens, they went up three games to one and I'm texting with a couple of my Indian buddies and one of them is just so fucking like, you know, when they

were winning game four and it was like, you know, I don't nine to something and he was going to do it. I hope I hope it goes all the way up to like fucking. I always go at 19 runs. I hope they run out of pitchers. And immediately I was thinking like, Jesus Christ, how quickly the suffering forget, why would you wish that on him? You just want to win, right?

And then he was going like, now we got LeBron. This is just the beginning. We're going to go on a run like they were going to stick and somebody tweeted or texted Cleveland title town after two fucking titles. You don't even have a fucking hockey team. And then the Browns, you lost your fucking team, you know, the city treated them so shitty, they thought Baltimore was a better fucking option. All right, you're far from fucking.

So then they started bugging me. I'm just a contrarian cunt. I didn't have a dog in the fight and I was happy that one, to be honest with you, I was happy for Cleveland or Chicago that one team's misery was going to end. Right. So at that point, then I was like, well, fuck this, I'm going to root for the Cubs, right? I got a couple of relatives, their Cubs fans.

I got to say, fuck it, you know, I'll go with this shit. Then I was kind of like, yeah, but I like the Indians, but I like, I like Cleveland. You know, Cleveland needs a fucking hand, dude, that downtown area. It's gradually coming back. Every time I come there, it looks better. I love the Midwest. Well, Chicago's Midwest too, but I don't know. That's kind of sort of like the New York City of the Midwest.

Tremendously underrated city still. But anyways, so still kind of hanging in there for them. And, uh, you know what? The final tipping point was when Mike Francesca trashed the fucking Cubs for showing Bill Murray going like, I don't want to see that, you know, in the whole Bill Murray, uh, Daffy duck thing, uh, you know, it didn't work for me. Mike Francesca, who gives a fuck what works for you and what doesn't? Your team's not in the playoff.

All right. You're a non-factor. Your team's a non-factor. If the funniest fucking thing, man, Yankee fans, they cannot handle the fact that other people are winning championships and having a good fucking time and that's sort of the unwritten rule. Cause whenever the Yankees win a world series, which God knows is quite a bit like ESPN, their stock line is they'll go in all is right in the baseball world.

Again, it's like, aren't you guys supposed to pretend that you're kind of rooting for any, you're not really rooting for anybody. Um, so anyways, fuck Mike Francesca, Mike Francesca, he's one of those fucking guys who doesn't realize that he's just as stupid as I am. He's one of those guys where he's just been doing it so fucking long that he really, he forgets that he's just commenting on shit that doesn't matter. Dude, you're talking about a baseball game. Okay.

All the shit that has happened, even in New York, fucking New York City, all the shit that's fucking happened there, the cataclysmic world events that have happened there and the level of seriousness that that guy takes himself. Oh, with his stethoscope, fucking headphones, that guy drives me up the fuck. I've never been more happy to fucking mad dog when he got the fuck out of there. Jesus Christ. To be looking across from that pompous ass. Is there anything worse than the box seats fucking sports fan that it's just

so fucking impressed with themselves and their dumb sweaters and shit? I don't know. You give them a little more fancier seat. And I'm telling you, it's, it's like the space shuttle for their ego. And they just go right up over here. The Daffy Duck thing didn't work for me. Oh God, well, maybe, maybe the Cubs ought to fucking, you know, rethink their relationship with Bill Murray.

Hey, Mike, are you the fucking Bill Murray of, of, of sports broadcasters? Fucking jackoff. He's just another guy who watches sports and never gets on a treadmill. I don't understand. How can you look at all those guys in that level of shape? And when you're at the end of the game, when you go into brush your teeth, you don't look at yourself like, Jesus Christ, can I at least eat a fucking salad every once in a while?

Oh, this feels great. This feels great to totally overreact to what he said. It's a fun thing. So anyways, um, congratulations to the Chicago Cubs. You got the fucking goat off your back, whatever the fuck you want to call it. It was the dumbest curse ever. Okay. You can't bring livestock to a baseball game.

All right. You know, what you really did is you did not have a curse the same way the Red Sox didn't have a curse. What it really was, was you were fans of an unbelievably inept franchise for a long fucking time. And thank God, you know, we finally got Theo Epstein. We finally got Terry Francona. We finally got the ownership that the Red Sox had, and it all came together.

And we finally did what teams like the fucking Yankees, the Cardinals, the Patriots, teams like that, that know how to fucking win. Well, I actually can't say the Patriots. That's even modern, modern era. The Celtics back in the day. Um, you know, as much as I hate the fucking Yankees, like they're, they're, they're front office, their ownership, their franchise, their farm system. It's the shit.

It is the shit. Um, you can't get mad at them for starting their own network, for being smart enough to do that. I don't, I don't hate on any of that shit, but that whole fucking thing where all is right, if, if they win it is that that's a little, that goes a little beyond, but other than that, I don't begrudge the fucking 27 championships. I really don't. Um, having said that, uh, we finally got the right people in place.

So you finally got the right people in place. And having said that, um, whoever was going to win last night, the Cubs or the Indians was an automatic one-way fucking, uh, ticket for either Theo Epstein or Terry Francona into, uh, into the Hall of Fame. So congratulations to Theo Epstein, um, without a doubt. I mean, that guy ended the curse of the babe and the curse of the goat. I mean, he needs a nickname at this point, something, right? I can't think of it right now, but I'm just saying that guy at 86, what's

86 and 108, that's 186 and 894 years of suffering. That fucking guy just ended, you know, it was like a champ too. You see the guy in his 40s. He still looks like he used to be an astronaut. I mean, the guy's just crushing on so many fucking levels that you can really see how people would try to root against him. And, um, whatever, man, the Indians will definitely be back. I got to be honest with you.

I'm still more of an Indians fan than I am a Cubs fan, but it was so fucking great, like seeing the look of joy on, on, uh, Bill Murray's face. And by the way, uh, what, uh, Francesca, like, did you not enjoy seeing that? Watching him just fucking let out. However old he is was all just fucking coming out. It was tremendous. So, um, it was great. It was what a fucking game, man.

Jesus Christ. What a guy, oh, and then I forgot the fucking rain delay. And then they tie it up. They fucking tie it up. And I was like, Oh my God. This is on, it's going to reverse again, like the way everyone's like, everyone just kind of thought the Cubs were going to win it. And then the Indians go up three games to one.

They're like, Oh my God, the Indians are going to win it. Then it reverses, then it looks like the Cubs are going to win it. And then the Indians tie it fucking back up again. You're like, fuck, I know I'm getting hyped up here, but dude, when, when, when does baseball get this fucking exciting? Right. And then it starts fucking raining and they bring out the fucking tarp. That's so funny as shit.

And that's one of the great, that's like the sport within the sport of baseball is the fucking rain delay. And they got to put a book. If there's never been a book put out yet about people just talking about what goes through your head as you're going through a fucking rain delay and you have to sit there and fill up three hours of fucking broadcast time. Telling your stories. I mean, that that's when you got to hope that you got like a Pete Rose there.

You know what I mean? You got to have some guy with a zillion fucking stories that knows how to tell a story. Dude, he, how great was he? He was fucking phenomenal. Arod was great. The big herd, all of those guys, when you got like Hall of Famers sitting there, you know, just the way they break down, but nobody breaks it down like Pete Rose. Jesus Christ.

You know, all the games that that guy's played, all the experiences he's had, and then you combine gambling on it. So he took it to a whole other level of the way he looks at numbers. I mean, the guy is like second to none with his analysis. By the way, Jason Hayward, huge fan, that fucking catchy made. I forget what game when he leapt up and then had to reach back. And then when he fired the, he threw that strike like Dave Parker in the all star game, granted Dave threw it from the warning

track to the home plate when he threw it in a second to get that guy out, kill the fucking momentum. As great as that was, the worst at bat of the fucking of the series was his one of his last at bats. Dude, did you see the two pitches he fucking swung at? I mean, Jesus Christ, 50 cent could have struck him out at that at bat. I mean, it was, it was like, you know, when they just take some fucking guy like 50 cent out of the crowd, you know, oh my God, it's 50 cent.

And he just goes out and throws the ball. You're like, oh my God, he really is an artist. You got to look that up, by the way. I think I tweeted when he did that. I said 50 cent didn't throw that ball. Curtis Jackson did. You have to see it, man. It's just like it was, uh, I don't know.

It was like watching John Lester try to throw the first base, which I had no idea that he won't even do it. How nuts is that? That's like, uh, it was like Chuck Knoblock, Steve Sacks times fucking two, at least one of the videos that I saw. Thank God that he didn't. But, um, anyways, um, my condolences to the city of Cleveland, man. I really, I love that city and, uh, municipal stadium.

I'll let shit back in the day that I grew up watching. Like I said, one of my relatives lived out there when I was a kid and he kind of would always be rooting for him and, you know, he was cool. So I would fucking root for him too. And buddy, of course, Red Sox first. So I always kind of had that thing with them and the tigers. They're kind of like the surrogates. If the, uh, the Red Sox aren't in it.

Um, and I also like the Royals and I like the A's. I don't know. I like the pirates. I like the Cardinals. I like the Giants and I like the Dodgers back in the day. So I, there's a lot of teams that I fucking, then, you know, they all take a deep second to fucking the Red Sox aren't in it. You know what I mean?

So anyways, I even root for the Yankees in 2001. After nine 11, I was like, all right, fuck it. I got to set this shit aside and then the fucking diamond backs beat him. It's like, fuck, I should have been rooting for these guys the whole time. I would have jinxed them. So anyways, congratulations. Um, and Cleveland, Hey man, you're next. Or I guess I should be rooting for the Arizona Cardinals.

Cause they have the longest, uh, drought, I guess with the championship since 1947, when they were the Chicago Cardinals. Um, and then they went to, uh, I don't know, I can't remember what the fucking lineage of that team is, but like, I don't give a fuck about them cause they've lived in so many fucking cities. Like the city doesn't carry the pain. Does that make sense? Let me look up Arizona Cardinals right now.

And I'm surprised it didn't just pop up on my thing. You know, your computer like listens to you now. Actually, it did Arizona Cardinals. You ever do that? You just say, yeah, fucking, uh, pumpernickel bread. What's in pumpernickel bread? You write, you write like P you. And then it says pumpernickel bread.

Like your phone will do that. Like, what the fuck, what the fucking odds that came up? You're listening to me. Said fucking robot lady in the phone. She listens, right? She listens to, oh yeah, she's listening to you. Let's see here, official site. No, it's a pretty sad case.

You got to go to Wikipedia to find out their fucking history. The quickest, actually, maybe it isn't. All right, here we go. The Cardinals, let's see, they were the Chicago Cardinals. 1920 to 1943. They took a year off during the war, 1945 to 1959. Oh, they were the Cardinals card pit in 1944. I thought they had the Eagles in Pittsburgh and made the stiegels.

Anyway, St. Louis Cardinals, 1960 to 1987. Phoenix Cardinals, 88 to 93, 94 to present Arizona. So they've been, all right, they've been in, well, Jesus, they've been in Phoenix for fucking almost 30 years. Wow, they've been there longer than they were in St. Louis. How genius, how about that? And they were in Chicago, basically for 29 years. Isn't that something?

So they were in Arizona the longest, then Chicago, then St. Louis. So anyways, I don't really count that fucking shit. Let's see the longest droughts. I can see the next person I give a fuck about past Cleveland, right? Let's see, longest sports droughts. Bang, bang, boom, drought and sports, longest active droughts in sports. When was this made? This was done three hours ago.

OK, so this should be fairly accurate, correct? So it goes, the Arizona Cardinals, then the Cleveland Indians. Just give me the fucking list. All right, the Arizona Cardinals. Congratulations, I know you're alone. Shut up. All right, 69 years. Cleveland Indians, 68 years.

Sacramento Kings, 1951. They were like the Rochester Royals, I think, or some shit like that. They haven't won in 65 years. Detroit Lions haven't won since 1957. The Atlanta Hawks, when they were the St. Louis Hawks, 1958. Then the Philadelphia Eagles, 1960. Texas Rangers, never, 1955. Never won a championship.

Tennessee Titans, they used to be the Houston Oilers. They won an AFL title in 1961. There's a couple more here. Houston Astros, never, 54 fucking years. San Diego Chargers, 1963, 53 years since their AFL title, and then the Toronto Maple Leafs. So if we're going to go sport by sport, the longest drought in football is the Arizona Cardinals, baseball is the Cleveland Indians,

basketball is the Sacramento Kings, and hockey is the Toronto Maple Leafs. There you go, 69 years, 68, 65, and 49. So there you go, Toronto. Shit, these other guys, they got fucking 20 years on you. And actually nowadays, when there's that many fucking teams, you only got 32 teams to go 50 years, considering one of them is going to, you know, win a couple, two, three, if not four or five over 30 years. Right? It's very easy now to go 40 years.

All right, Bill, I think we've had enough of the sports talk. All right, well, maybe I have two. Let's talk about flat top grills, shall we? By the way, I have not called Lawhead yet. I'm going to wait three days. I'm going to run into him. I'm going to give him a hug. You know, tell him, you know, you still got the NBA title. You got a little hyped up there.

Oh, my God, the agony. Jay Law, you remember that the agony of defeat? Do you remember when the ski jump guy went off the fucking ski jump? If you look at Jay Lawhead's Twitter feed, dude, it's fucking hilarious. Because if he's not joking, he's literally he goes off to ski jump like five times every game, you know, when he's just laying face down, you like, is he dead? Is he dead? And then he somehow pops his head up, shakes his hair out,

he puts the fucking goggles back on and he fucking gradually walks back up the stairs again. I'm telling you, man, it's it's really entertaining. Anytime there's a big Cleveland game, I recommend following Jay Law, had Jason Lawhead on on Twitter, you know, just sit back and just watch the it's it's tremendous. It's it's an amazing thing. It's it's a great sports book every fog and just just in tweets. It's incredible. All right.

So anyway, so let's talk about a flat top grill, everybody. Oh, I want to get a flat top grill. I told you a few weeks ago when John Favros, you know, was shooting some stuff that possibly, I don't know, he might do some footage with, you know, cooking at his place. I went over to the taping, mean the lovely Nia and we got to hang out with Chef Roy Choi, who started the whole gourmet food truck thing.

They cooked on a griddle, which is something I never did. Even when I worked in a restaurant, I cooked on a mesquite grill. I did burgers, shrimp, brochette, chicken, sandwich, whatever the fuck you want, right? But I never worked with on a griddle before. And now I am I am so fucking into those things. It's ridiculous. And I found this one on the internet.

I'm not going to tell you the name of it. Just look up flat top fucking grill. There's two. It's not the Blackstone one. This is like a smaller one. It's more compact for my little LA backyard. And I'm trying to convince my wife to let me get it, man, you know, because we're redoing the kitchen. And so when we went to go do the stove,

like the one that had the little griddle on it was just going to take up too much counter space. We have like a small kitchen area. And the number one thing was I hated those like no prep area in the kitchen. And I hate I hated the island. Have I ever told you guys that how much I hate a fucking island in a kitchen? I don't care if it can fit in my kitchen. It couldn't fit.

They just put an island in there because it was like the fucking thing to do. And you just walk. It's like having a fucking hippo that passed out on booze. And you just got to walk around. Like the worst fucking thing is whatever you you're at the stove and whatever you need is diagonally across the other side of the fucking island. You got to walk all around it. OK. Now, for all my friends around the world in war torn countries,

this is what you complain about in the United States of America. That goddamn island in your fucking brand new kitchen. Right. Sorry. But anyways. So we didn't get the griddle and now I'm already kicking myself because we end up going to stove as six burners. I'm like, well, there's two of us. Like, what the fuck do I want? Even when we have Thanksgiving dinner, I've never had more than three going at a time.

You know what I mean? You got something in the oven. You got something else and so you got two sides, maybe three sides. Right. That's it. You don't need six. I should have got the fucking griddle. But then I saw this attachment that you can get that you put the griddle on top. But it's not the same because now you kind of control the heat with like the burners. So what I would do is I put one on simmer, right?

Or low. And then the other one, I put it up on the cooking heat so I can do that whole fucking thing of moving the food around. You know, if it's going too fast, if it needs to chill, if the bread's browning up, but the cheese hasn't melted yet, all that shit that I learned, if Favreau ever puts that shit out, dude, I'm telling you, man, I learned more goddamn shit about cooking just with that, controlling the heat and moving it around and actually looking at the stuff.

I can't even, beside myself, I immediately became 15 to 20 percent better cook than I was, which isn't hard because I suck. But anyway, so I started watching this guy. You guys got to check this guy out on YouTube. He actually promotes the grill that I wasn't going to get. It's just a little too big for me, but it's the Blackstone Grill. And there's this guy. What the fuck does he call himself?

He goes by Todd Tovan, T-O-D-D-T-O-V-E-N. And what does he call himself? Oh, the Rocky Mountain Meat Hunter. All right. He's on Twitter at RockyMountainMeatHunter.com. But you don't need to go to Twitter unless you want to just tell him you like his videos, but you just watch this guy fucking cook. I know he's hyping all these barbecue sauces and rubs and all that shit, but for him, the man's got to make a living.

But the shit that he makes is fucking unbelievable. And, dude, when you see this griddle, there's no fucking way. Just to let you guys know, they make a smaller one than I'm thinking about getting. But dude, it's fucking ridiculous. He's making fucking cheese steaks. He's making quesadillas. He made pizza and this other fucking thing.

He's toasting up the buns. He's got his onions and peppers going. He's got elk on the grill, whatever the fuck you want. I actually watched this guy. I was so inspired by him. And in a frying pan, I took some of that elk that Rogan gave me and I made late at night, I made sort of my version of an elk cheese steak. I had some peppers and onions going with a little bit of mushroom, right?

And then the meat that he gave me is more like hamburger. So it was more of the consistency of hamburger. So I couldn't really lay it in. I had to kind of pour it into the bun. But I put the fucking provolone on top. I don't like the whiz, dude. I don't like the whiz. Provolone on top.

I could have seasoned the meat a little bit more. Just my salt shake. I don't know what it is. I can't see it coming out. It comes out so finely and I was tasting it and I didn't want to over salt it. But I needed to, I probably should put garlic salt or something like that in there. But cheese on top with the mushrooms and then the peppers.

And then I had the best fucking roll ever. And I made this thing like one in the morning, you know, I was coming home from doing my spots and I made it and, you know, and they go, what are you doing? It's too late. And then I made the thing. I came walking in and she was like, what is that? Right.

And I gave her a bite and then of course, you know, she does that fucking shit. I want one. Oh, look who it is. Oh, she just called and I missed the call. Anyways, so I am crazy into doing that. So I'm thinking about getting that for the backyard. We'll see. We'll see.

And he has already given me, you know, she knows what she's doing. She's just sort of, you know, like when you're really excited about getting something and your wife just sort of just, you know, is quiet and nods, that means they don't want you to get it. And they're just waiting for, hoping that your excitement will go away after a couple of days. But I do the same thing to her. What's up, buddy? You totally know how to work the angles, don't you, Cleo?

Sometimes when she wants something, rather than coming over and being crazy, she just comes over and she'll just put her head on my leg and then just sort of look at me. You know, how do you resist that? Cleo, could you not? Thank you. Come on. Go lay down.

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You know what's funny about this? I have not gotten that yet. You know, my fucking producer on the show, he's wearing them. He said they're fucking unbelievable and he wears them all the time. All right. So I never, you know, I got too much shit in my house. So whenever these advertisers say, we'll send you some stuff like I never take it, but he's wearing them now and he's been raving about them so much.

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That was, I liked that. I went to the dog. I'm sorry. All right. Luke crate everybody. Give me the loop. Give me the loop. Be the envy of your friends.

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It never made any sense. If you're more of a fan tat, like, but you can still, every comedian did that, but you can still see her. She should be invisible in it. But then just for animation purposes, then you'd have to be like, you know, well, where is it? We're just showing clouds going by. You know what's funny?

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save $3 off any new subscription today. Lootcute. Oh, Jesus Christ. How many more? All right. Two more. Two more. Hang in there, guys.

Hang. Well, how much time is left? Maybe I'll fuck around a little more and then I'll read the last of these. All right. We'll fuck around a little more. All right. What did I want to talk about? Oh, fucking.

Who's playing this week? Who's playing this week in college football? Anything? Do I actually have anything else that I want to talk about? Other than the fact that I like making hash brown stuff? Oh, do I? I tell you guys how much I enjoy making fucking hash brown. Take your breakfast to the next level with a griddle.

Make it some fuck that. You know something? If you just ever just want to shut people the fuck up, just make some hash browns. Start them off the cheesy ones and then you bake them in the oven and just shut everybody the fuck up. If you want to shut me the fuck up, that's basically what you can do. Hey, shout out to Steve Bartman, everybody. Hey, dude, stay in hiding, man.

Don't don't let those cunts draw you back out. They had the chance to be friends with a great person like you. You know, they're going to try to ask you to go to the parade. Oh, all's forgiven. All's forgiven. It was just fucking 13 years of hell. Do you guys think he goes back? I don't think he does.

He said no to 30 for 30. He kind of seems like he was just... You know, he's a very commendable person. He was somebody that has no desire for fame in this century, which is more than I can say for myself and 90% of the other people out there. So God bless them. All right, I actually have one question here. I usually don't read questions on the Thursday afternoon podcast.

Tom Steele. Yo, Billy Ginger tits. Yes, I did enjoy the two hour podcast, but you're wrong about one thing. It's not illegal for women to show their titties or even go topless in most of the United States. I didn't know that. In fact, 33 states have laws specifically allowing it. However, certain towns, cities, and municipal areas within each of these states prohibits the practice of citing disturbing the peace as a misdemeanor, as interpreted by law enforcement,

sometimes incorrectly. If you're digging it, okay, this is the deal, dude. I guess in Africa and some of these other countries, they walk around with their titties out. I guess people don't give a shit about it. It's like not a big deal. They get used to it like seeing a woman's legs or whatever. If women want to do this shit, I have come full circle. Fuck it.

You want to walk around with your goddamn titties out? I don't know why you'd want to. I gotta be honest with you, most men should not be walking around with their shirt off. Like this should be a rule. Okay, you want to have your shirt off, either you're at the beach, you're in your own backyard, or you're working on a chain gang, fucking digging a trench on the side of the road. Okay, if you're actually working for a fucking living, you want to take your goddamn shirt off and risk in cancer by all means, do it.

Okay. Believe me, there's a lot of guys with their shirts out there. They got bigger tits than most of the women out there. So I just think it's a funny thing that like, I just don't understand why women were just like, why can't we do it? They just, they just have that, maybe because it's the position they are in society, the way men kept them down for so fucking long that every last fucking thing that we do, they want to do regardless of how fucking stupid it is.

You know what I mean? Who the fuck wants to walk around with their shirt off? Matthew McConaughey, people like that, people in like P90X shape, like walking around without their shirt, which makes sense. You did the work, God bless you. I've never had a desire to walk around with my fucking shirt off. You know, why would you be half, especially past a certain age, you got to start covering up. 48 fucking years old, you don't want to see a half naked anything.

There's a few out there, Madonna kept herself in great shape. You know what I mean? There's a few people out there, they've kept themselves, you know, and in phenomenal shape, they can take their fucking shirts off. But for the most part, most people by 23, 24, by all means, man and man, a woman keep the fucking shirt on. I don't know. That's just one of those things.

I don't know what I mean. It's like listening to somebody complain about the island in their kitchen. It's just like, don't you have anything better to focus on? All right, the hypocrite continues. So I guess, uh, see claiming equal topless rights for men and women go topless. There's something here. Go topless claims that women have the same constitutional right that men have to go bare chested in public.

I really disagree with that to try to say like our titties are the same as your titties. My titties can't get me around to drinks. You know what I mean? If I show half a fucking man peck here, that doesn't get me anything. Well, maybe I'm just in the wrong bars. Maybe I need to go into a gay bar there. Dude, that's a great YouTube video. Go into a gay bar and dress like a man or and see how long you can drink for free.

That would be fucking hilarious. Then at the end of the night, the guy's like, Hey, man, so you want to get out of here? He'll be like, Yeah, but I'm not going home with you. He'd be like, Dude, what the fuck about show those drinks? Be like, Yeah, well, I'm straight. Well, what the fuck are you doing here? I just, I wanted to drink for free.

Then he goes to swing it. And you just go, No means no. Right. You get out of there drinking a bunch of Budweises. Simply safe. It's crazy what engineers are coming up with these days. The engineer invented this simply safe home security system was attending Harvard University when his friends got robbed.

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There's no drilling. I did all of this to my house. You don't have to put a bunch of holes in your walls to keep your family safe. God damn it. This is why, why buy anything because then they always come up, oh, it just hovers in the fucking air. Anyway, simply safe is wireless. All right.

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I'm going to look into those guys and see what the fucking deal is. All right. Seat geek, everybody. This is the last thing. Buying tickets online for sports and concerts has been a confusing process for a long, long time. It's always been hard to find the best deal for that game or show you want to go to. And none of those older ticket sites want to charge that. Change that.

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ticket purchase. Download Seat Geek, the Seat Geek app, and enter the promo code burr today. All right, that's it for the advertising. That is it for me. Congratulations once again to all the Chicago faithful. To the other 80% that showed up, congratulations to you too. The bandwagons. My condolences to Cleveland fans.

You did get the caps this year. You do have Terry Francona. You got great players. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. We won one with Manny Ramirez and everybody else. To so many like the Phillies, Yankee fans, Red Sox fans, all should have been rooting for Cleveland because we all used your fucking CCs, your Manny Ramirez, your Jim Tomies.

We all used those guys to get our championships. And also that pitcher who fucking pitched for everybody. I forget his fucking name. Wasn't Kurt Floyd. Was it Cleo? Was it? Can I get a howl out of you before we go? That's kind of the sign off now.

Hey, Cleo. You want to go outside? Down. Down. No jumping. Cleo. Cleo. Hey, Cleo.

Do you? Oh, she almost did. Oh, she's got a itch. Come on. Come on, you guys. You know your commute's long enough. You can hang in there for this. Cleo, sit.

Sit. Cleo. Do you? No, she's not going to do it today. Cleo. Cleo. Do you? Do you?

Cleo. I think that's the best I'm going to get out of her. All right. Go fuck yourselves. Congratulations to the Cubs. My condolences to the Cleveland Indians. And I'll see you on Monday. Have a great weekend, you cunts.

Listen to these greatest hits after this music. Oh, Jesus. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It is the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 27th, 2008. In the year of our Lord Jesus Christ. What is this the year for? Are you a Catholic?

What do we do? I know that the Chinese people, they always got, you know, the year of the yak. And why is that? That's always my default animal. Yak is just funny. I'm sorry. I don't know what the fuck it is.

What is a yak? That's your hallmark for this week. If you're a regular listener, let me know what a yak is. And where are they indigenous to? Okay. I'm going to go out on a limb and I'm going to say Scotland. I don't think there's any yaks over here. If there are yaks over here, they were brought here

against their will, much like those people from Africa. And you know, I think it's high time that they made an amistad for fucking yaks. You know, what about all the livestock? What about the fucking dodo bird? You know, what about the fucking llamas? You ever just be in the middle of nowhere and somebody has a fucking llama? You know, how did it get there? That thing doesn't have a story.

That thing doesn't need to go, you know, check out its family tree and figure out where the fuck it came from. What the hell was I? I was in, well, I was in, no, I was in Richmond, Virginia. I'm driving down the street with the guy who works over there, Buzz with one Z, who was one of my favorite people in comedy. The guy's literally 60 years old and he still hits on like 22 year olds. And he creeps him out every time he does it and he doesn't give a shit.

And, you know, I got to respect him for that. But anyways, we're driving in the radio station and there's a fucking llama in the middle of Richmond, Virginia. And, you know, I really wanted to know why. You know, what exactly, what do people do with llamas? They haven't tell you guys that I love goats. Have I ever told you that shit? Like the goat is the perfect pet for me because I like to fucking,

I have a tendency to fuck with animals, you know what I mean? I fuck with people and it doesn't stop there. You know, I don't know what it is. I start playing with a puppy and then eventually I roll him over on his back. I semi sort of hold him down, which gets him all fucking, you know, all aggressive. The next thing, you know, they take a bite out of my hand, you know, take a chunk out of me. So that's why I don't have a fucking dog because I turn them into those dogs you see on the news

that need to get put down. So I found goats actually enjoy that shit that when you're looking, you know, when you're looking the other way, a goat would take a run at you, you know, they're like a dirty player. And who's a classic dirty player from way back in the fucking day? Not even Chris Nile. Chris Nile, you know, he would do some shit. He'd hit Rick Middleton in the mouth with the butt end of his stick.

That's kind of a dirty, but I know he was never really into boarding. All-Samuelson, that's what a goat is. A goat is the all-Samuelson of fucking farm animals. Every time you got your head down and you're facing the bar and the thing will take a run at you. And the problem is it never gets suspended from the league. All right, this is the Monday Morning broadcast. My name is Bill Burr. I mentioned that earlier.

And currently, I am in the midst of the uninformed radio tour, which is uninformed as the radio show I do with Joe DeRosa and the two of us around on tour right now to hype the show and things are going great. And our next stop is going to be in Washington, D.C. The weekend of, you know what? I don't know what fucking weekend it is. I think it's the first weekend in November. Let me go here and go onto my new fancy website.

If you guys checked it out yet, if you're not on my website right now and you're on my space page, you know, well, don't do it now because you'll lose the fucking podcast. But at the end of it, go to billburr.com. And it's a brand new sleek website with a bunch of sexy photos of me that make me look like I'm a lot cooler than I am. All right, November 6th through the 8th. I'll be at the Improv in Washington, D.C. on the uninformed tour, me and Joe DeRosa. And on November 13th through the 15th, we'll be at Zany's Comedy Club in Nashville, Tennessee.

And the next big date after that is going to be at Carolines in New York City, December 4th through the 7th. And if anybody cares on December 8th, I will be at the LA Forum. Am I going to be doing stand-up? No, I'm not. I'll be watching ACDC. ACDC at the LA Forum. Did I tell you guys my pumpkin died?

My pumpkin died. I mean, technically, I don't know. Well, when does a pumpkin die? This is going to get like the pro-life, pro-choice pumpkin people up in an uproar here. When exactly does a pumpkin, like, what is going, you know, that's just so much shit. I don't know in life. Is this STEM? Was that, was that its fucking umbilical cord?

And you set it free, now it goes off to live a life and hopefully not marry the wrong person, you know, and get divorced and end up on a fucking futon? Or the second you snip that, is the fucking, the fucking, is the fucking pumpkin dead? The pumpkin. That's a good name for a band. Come up on stage playing fucking P-Funk with pumpkins on your heads. And you know what? If you had a catch phrase, you could be a huge comedian and you could play the LA Forum.

Now seriously, this is what I learned with pumpkins, all right? Don't carve them three weeks before because they die in your refrigerator and it makes you sad and you gotta throw them out and nobody even got to see them. So, uh, so I gotta make another one. I have to make another one. You know what? This is just classic me on my fucking podcast.

I started talking about some shit and I forgot where the fuck I was going. And now here I am. Here I am, pulled over the side of the road, looking at the map, trying to figure out, all right, let's go to the questions. You're new to my podcast. I do answer questions every week. People email me. They email me at bill, at billbird.com or they go to my MySpace page and I try to answer

as many as I can. And, you know, people try to enlighten me. Like, you know, what is a yak? You know, what is a yak? Is that like a fucking druggy cow with its hippy hair? You know, I'm gonna fucking Google a fucking yak right now and I'm gonna look at its image. How do you spell yak? It's not Y-A-C-K.

That means you puked. Speaking of which, too, you know, when I was looking at all the different pumpkin pictures, you know, ideas for pumpkins, that one where you carve a pumpkin face with its mouth open and then you take the inside of the pumpkin and place it around the mouth and it looks like it puked is very hacky. There must have been 80 pumpkins like that. Jesus Christ. Look at that.

That's a fucking yak. Wow. Okay. It's got some, uh, don't fuck with me horns. It looks like a, it looks like a Texas longhorn that needs a haircut. Here's a guy milking one. Oh, is that a woman? Hang on a second.

Yak uses. You guys want to learn about yak? Here we go. Statue of golden yaks in downtown Tibet. Exactly. The fuck are yaks doing over here? The yak is truly the treasure of the plateau. Well, why don't you let me be the judge of it?

I hate when people make up my mind for me. All right. Evidently this douchebag says it's the treasure of the plateau. Well, what is its competition? The gopher? All right. As the inscription reads below, the golden statue of yaks is in a busy intersection in downtown La Jaffa in the mountain tundra and ice desert of the Tibetan plateau with altitude,

altitude soaring over 19,000 feet, yaks flourish where other domestic beasts die. Because of this, people inhabiting this region use the yak for everything. Okay. That's an open-ended sentence. Okay. So they obviously use it as a food source. There's a girl milking one, some Tibetan lady, and they use it for everything. Okay.

Are you lifting the tail up and doing something disgusting that's on YouTube? Or is that more tube eight? The yak is inescapable in La Jaffa. The acrid, slightly sour smell of yak butter permeates the streets. Okay. Guess I'll never be going to La Jaffa. Who the fuck wants to smell sour butter at 19,000 feet? You know something?

I would not be able to keep the look of disgust off my face. And then they all start speaking in Tibetan, thinking that I was some American who thought they were above people rather than, dude, there's a fucking pungent smell. You know what pungent into the mainstream was? Will Ferrell in Anchorman, pungent stings the nostrils. Um, all right. So it permeates the streets and temples where pilgrims burn the whitish yellow fat at innumerable altars and carry smoking candles through the streets.

Can we just think of living like that? There's this lady milking a yak. No laptop, no iPhone. Dressed like an Apache. Every day you just reach underneath some fucking yak's udder. And there you go. You have to go down to, uh, go down and get this smoothie. Yak milk is golden in color and very rich and fat at 78%.

And why the fuck is she so skinny? It has a Swedish taste. Then why did you just describe it? You know, you don't fuck this website. He said sour smell. And now you're saying it's a sour smell with a Swedish taste. Maybe that's why their eyes are so squinty. It's not because their eyes are like that.

It's because they're confused. They say it doesn't make sense. You know, it smells sour and tastes so sweet. No contraption from yak's is seasonal. Hybrid yak's. Oh good. Look, everybody's in the global warming. Is that one of, one of farts that has like 90% less?

Ah, god damn, it's on the tip of my tongue. What the fuck kind of gas is in cow's gas? Begins with an M, methane. Maybe yak's have less methane gas. Is that the green people? They're going to do that? Eat a yak burger instead? All right.

I think I'm sick of yak's at this point. You guys sick of good. You know what? I felt it. You're like, all right, Bill. Enough with the fucking yak's. So anyway, they're in Tibet. And next time I do a rogue gig in like fucking Austin or something,

I swear to god I'm going to drive by and be like, what the fuck is that? And some guy names, you know, fuck with 1F is going to be like, that's a yak. What is it doing here? I don't know, buddy. I don't know. My job is just to take you to the radio station.

Why don't you just focus on that? Being funny and sell some more fucking tickets. You know what I mean? How many fucking specials do you need to have before you can fill up a fucking comedy club? Why don't you get a catch phrase? Why don't you just go on stage and just talk about yak's for a fucking hour?

And then you could be the fucking yak guy, and I wouldn't have to drive you to the fucking radio station because you would have sold out second they put your fucking name up. You ever think about that? Well, then shut the fuck up there. Okay. All right, so let's get on with the podcast questions.

Hey, Bill, have you ever auditioned for SNL when you lived in New York City? That group seems to be clickish, but I wondered if Laura and Michael's ever gave you a chance to be on the show. You know what? I can't remember if I auditioned for SNL or Mad TV, but it was about nine years ago,

and I know I bombed because I went in there with jokes rather than characters. I would have a quick character, I'd have a character, and then just do a quick joke about him, and then move on to something else. Like, I remember one of my characters, I played a guy who was in the Klan

who had a speech impediment. He gets blocked on N-words, and I just remember part of the audition of me staying there going, and then it just sort of ended, and everyone was looking at me like I had fucking 12 heads. So, yeah, I mean, I don't think the reason why I'm not on SNL

is because it's clickish. It's probably because Lauren had watched that tape at some point and projectile vomited. All right, Bill, me and a friend at work run a celebrity death pool. If you don't know what this is, here it is in a nutshell. You put an X amount of a month,

and then you get a list of randomly picked potential people who may die very soon. You know what? I know what a celebrity death pool is, and you didn't really describe it well. Basically, you pick not random people, you pick random celebrities, famous people who you think are going to die.

I thought it was in a calendar year. I guess they do it every month because these guys have a family problem. So basically, you'd be like, you know what? I think fucking Lisa Liu, see, or whatever the fuck her name is, Lucy Liu. I think she's going to eat some bad sushi.

And yeah, it's actually filming over in Japan. And what's that sushi that they eat over there? Some sort of, if you eat the wrong part of it, you could fucking die. And it's some macho thing to eat it. She's going to go do that, you know, to prove she's one of the guys and she hangs out with the crew

and she's going to die like that. That's what you would do. All right, the payout happens only when cnn.com announces it. Oh, this is their rules. Okay, I'm back to the question. Now, the obvious favorites are people like Fidel Castro, Barbara Bush, Amy Winehouse, that midget from Austin Powers.

That's a good one. Patrick Swayze, et cetera. Well, every month, everyone in the pool gets to pick a wild card who wasn't on the original roster. Well, I took a lot of shit this past week. Oh, I don't want to read this. I don't want to read this

because I don't want to put ideas in people's heads. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just, you know what? I got you guys all excited. No, no, I'm not fucking reading that one. All right, Bill, I recently grew a beard. There's a lot of social commentary

in these questions this week. Bill, I recently grew a beard and had an argument with a gay guy that I work with. He told me that all men with beards are gay. That must have really killed your fucking idea growing a beard. So he says, and my whole argument was, where do gay people get off

just claiming something as their own just because they like it? Am I the only one who thinks that they can get away with this logic? That they can get away with this logic is fucking crazy. Waxed eyebrows and going to tanning salons. I'll give them that one.

But a beard, when I think of people with beards, I don't think gay. I think lumberjack swinging axes. That's kind of gay. Bent over his tree thumps. Did you ever see that Monty Python sketch? I'm a lumberjack and I don't care. And eventually he gets gayer and gayer.

I put on a fucking dress and dressed just like me, mom. He's a lumberjack and he don't care. He fucking sucks cock and he licks the bulls. Anyways, when he thinks of beards, he thinks of lumberjack swinging axes, like that job still exists. Don't they have fucking chainsaws at this point? Playoff hockey?

Yeah, I'll give you that. And I think that some gay people, some, in quotes, gay people, have gotten way too comfortable in society. Those bastards, where do they get off being comfortable? Because if he lived in the south and not New York City, he'd be dragged behind a truck for saying that all men with beards are gay.

And not that I condone that behavior, but maybe some gays have it coming to them. Jesus Christ. Then he writes, that's all. Really, is that all? You know, you pop off at the mouth, there are consequences. If you would, your thoughts, please. I'll tell you what happened.

I think you're a little uncomfortable with gay people and you wanted to grow a beard and you were all set on growing it and then some gay guy came up, maybe realizing that you were homophobic, decided to fuck with your head and he said, all men with beards are gay. And it pissed you off

because you thought this was going to be some rugged shit that was going to get you some pussy. And as you're growing it, you can't get that guy out of your head. Going, all men with beards are gay. So here's my number, sweetie. I don't know. I don't think all men with beards are gay.

And I think a lot of times when you see a guy with a beard who is gay, you can tell because it's too manicured. It's too George Michael-esque, you know what I mean? But you do have to manicure it to a certain point, manicure. That's fucking nails, whatever. You know what I'm saying? You got to trim it.

There's two landscapes. But you got to keep it off your neck or it's just itchy as fucking hell. No, I don't think beards are gay. I think I thought more like those hipster guys do it. You know, all the hipsters are trying to dress like they're in the Beastie Boys sabotage video. You know, they're trying to dress that way,

but there's this air of, oh, I didn't even notice. You know, I just accidentally dressed like I was in the 70s. What are my thoughts? My thoughts are basically, dude, I think that if you want to grow a beard, you should grow a beard. And I think if a gay guy in down south said all guys who have beards are gay,

I would like to think that people would just laugh and still grow a beard if they wanted to, rather than get all uncomfortable to the point that they'd want to drag a gay guy behind a truck and beat the shit out of them. I don't think anybody has that coming to them in that instance. You know what I mean?

But if I was gay, I would probably be careful of who I said that to. Considering there are people out there who feel that people who do that should be dragged behind a truck and get, you know what? You know what? In a way, the person is right. When you do run your mouth, there are consequences

because you don't realize who the psychos are. And this guy seems a little psychotic. A little psychotic. He doesn't condone the behavior, but he's just saying. Jesus, can we have a lighthearted question here where I don't have to, you know? Okay, question. Bill, I was having a cigarette outside a restaurant

last week and a guy who is missing both arms comes over telling me to put it out because I was disturbing him with my second-hand smoke. All right, are you guys just making this shit up? This really seems made up, but you know, just for the comedy of it, I'll go with it. He was wearing a muscle shirt. Okay, I guess I'm still going to believe this.

He was wearing a muscle shirt, completely exposing his nubs. I jokingly told this guy, I'll put it out if he beats me at a game of rock, paper, scissors. Questions bullshit. You didn't say this. It is bullshit. This is, even if he had a muscle t-shirt on, even if he had no arms, and even if he fucking came over

and told you to put out the cigarette, there's no way you said it if you beat me. If he beats you at a game of rock, paper, scissors. You know, that's like the shit you wish you said when he left. But I will go with it, okay? You know, far be it from me to say that people are lying to me. All right, or exaggerating. So, evidently, after he did this, the guy went off,

the guy went off on me, and I felt bad. So, I put it out. Oh, after you destroyed the guy. Then I put it out. I pissed him off, and I was like, all right, there you go. Now, here's the question. Should amputees or people with horrific physical deformities warn you about it before starting,

startling you with their terrifying handicap? All right, that's hilarious. What was he supposed to do? Like, be on the other side of whatever building Dairy Queen you were sitting at and be like, wanting. God, just let you know I don't have any arms. Then I'm wearing a tank top, and I'm coming around the corner. So, if you want to finish your soft serve and not get startled,

you know, you got three seconds to close your eyes. You know something that is a, that is, yeah, it's, it's, it's one of those things where you're not trying to, I mean, I don't know, I can't speak for you, but for me personally, you know, you're not trying to be, you know, insensitive, but you know, if you haven't been to war, or you don't work in an emergency room, yeah, there are shit that you're not expecting,

but you know, you kind of roll with it. I don't think that they should have to warn you about it, but I don't know what you have to do as a person to become more used to it. I don't know. You know what, sometimes, sometimes I don't have the answers. I'll tell you what's fucked up. Have you guys seen that new show on MTV called Scarred?

It's insane. It's basically footage of people trying to do tricks on bikes, on skateboards, and on rollerblades. And it's not the funny, oh, when he lands on his nuts, it's bones popping out of the skin. And I'm going to tell you something, dude. It is fucking unwatchable. And it was so twisted and sick,

I actually sent a text message to OPI from the OPI and Anthony show to tell them to get footage of it, because it just seemed like such an OPI and Anthony show clip. You know, they already did two girls, one cup. Now they could do a thing where, you know, can you sit here and watch bones come out of somebody's fucking hand? Oh, brutal.

All right. Okay, real quick, overrated, underrated, overrated. Neil Pert of Rush, awesome drummer, but he gets way too much credit. You know what? I would definitely say he's an awesome drummer, but yeah, he's too robotic. I don't hear the, I don't hear a groove.

I like John Bonham. I like him way better. All right, underrated. Comic Louis CK, saw him about three times, and he kills each and every time. Well, Louis is one of my favorite comics of all times. I think he's fucking unbelievable. And he blows me away.

So if somebody's saying he isn't, then yeah, he is definitely underrated. All right, but not amongst comedians. I can tell you that. All right, last question. Bill, here's a podcast question for you. Your business is comedy, right? So let me ask you, do you run the business

or does the business run you? Hope you know what I mean. Cheers. I gotta be honest with you. I don't know what you mean. Do I run the business? You mean my personal business? Or show business?

I definitely do not run show business. Do you mean do I take the time to fly a kite each day and reflect on the fact that I'm alive? Or do I just sit here and do podcasts and fucking try to attempt to finish blogs and shit? I don't know. It depends on the day. It depends on the day.

I got my first massage in about eight months. And legal, by the way. And I felt great after it. And I've decided that I was going to start doing that. Me, I have fucking OCD. So I was like, I want to do it every week. I'll spend 50 grand a year on fucking massages, which would cause stress.

I really got to do something about my... I just realized that I'm going to be in Nashville, Tennessee. And before I do Nashville, the Wednesday before I do Nashville, I'm going to do the Bob and Tom show in Indianapolis. And I was thinking, well, I'm trying to go to every sports fucking team for some dumb reason. And I'm literally contemplating driving down to go to a Memphis Grizzly game after I do Bob and Tom.

It's like a 400 mile drive. And then after the game, I would then have to drive over to Nashville and get there in time to check in, fall asleep, and then do the radio in the morning. And I'd like to tell you that I'm not going to do it, but I think I'm going to do it and possibly hang around and drive up to the Cincinnati Bengal game on a Sunday. It's pathetic, right?

But I don't know. I think I'm going to do it. Am I running from something? Or am I just a fucking maniac? I don't know. I don't know what, but I can tell you this. You guys don't need to worry about my fucking problems. Let's wrap up this podcast.

I think it was a very good podcast. We learned some social commentary and we learned about Yaks. Learned about my OCD. We learned about pumpkin. You guys will learn about pumpkin carving, something I learned when I was watching Martha Stewart, who I can't stand watching. It just so happened that I wanted to carve a pumpkin

and I was flipping through and I saw pumpkin and I stopped. And she sat there with her cold demeanor, where you're covering a pumpkin, one of the things you want to do. And she just seems like she'd be the worst mother ever, like couldn't hug you, couldn't show love, and would just, you know, could never admit when she was wrong. And oh, jeez, I'm fucking projecting right now.

So basically what you want to do with the pumpkin, what I learned is you want to, the area of the side where you're going to be carving into, you want to make that as thin as humanly possible. That way when you light the candle inside of it, it glows this bright orange. So if you carve something scary or something like that, it's the shit.

I really got to figure out how to upload pictures for my cell phone onto my computer, because you got to see this ACDC pumpkin that I made. You know what, now I'm going to hype it up so much and be like, dude, it really didn't live up to the hype. And then I'll be hurt. And which would be the reverse of what I wanted to do. The reverse of the exercise of carving a pumpkin

was for me to be a happier human being, more at peace. All right, let's fucking wrap this up. I say this every week and then I keep going. Let's re-hype the gigs. All right, I'll be at the Improv, Washington, DC, November 6th through the 8th. After that, I'll be at Zany's Comedy Club, November 13th through the fucking 15th.

And hey, you know what? I'm going to go to that goddamn Bengals game. What do you think about that? Any listeners in Cincinnati? You got an extra fucking ticket? Let me know. I'll come up to your tailgate. We'll fucking eat some ribs that you cook.

I'll be like a has-been celebrity. I'll just show up like this is what my career has come to. You got to pay me in fucking smoked ribs and I'll show up to your tailgate. And oh, I know, one last thing. We're going to be taping another episode of Uninformed. We always pre-tape these things. I'm going to try to get some clips of it up on Uninformed Radio,

myface.com slash Uninformed Radio. And big news, our guest is going to be Joe Perry from Aerosmith. It's a long story, how I ended up meeting somebody who was related to him and somehow it all came together. And I'm hoping I don't make an ass of myself when I interview him because I'm a huge fan and so whatever. So I will let you know when that episode is going to air. And we will definitely start trying to get audio clips from the show

because people seem to like the very special, what was it? Thursday, Monday morning podcast that I taped before this one if you want to go into the archives. All right. That's it. I'm babbling. It's not funny anymore. It's just torture. All right. Hope all you guys have a good week. Please keep the questions coming.

I'm really enjoying them. The underrated, overrated. And if there's anything that I said that you felt was wrong and you'd like to educate me or if I asked any questions, I know I asked about Yaks. Why don't you tell me about Lamas? How about that? Where they're indigenous to? For some reason, I'm thinking the Arab community.

All right. That's it. That's it. I'm rubbing my face, which means I'm exhausted. Or is that stress? Maybe it's stress. Maybe I got too much shit to do. So thanks for listening to the Monday morning podcast. As always, keep all the stuff coming in. And please come out to my shows. And God bless all of you.

Hope you all have a good week. All right. That's it. Take it easy. Thank you. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast. You know, I realized I start every podcast by saying, Hey, what's going on?

I got to come up with something else. Well, maybe I should maybe I should brand that like that guy, Michael Buffer, or the big bouncer looking guy from the UFC, you know, when he goes, Are you ready? Are you ready? Let's get it on. And for some reason, he's the only one I think,

I don't even fucking typical. I didn't research this. But as far as I know, I think legally, he's the only one who can say, Let's get it on before UFC match, which is fucking ridiculous because he didn't come up with, Let's get it on.

You know, what's his face? That fucking guy with the beard who got shot by his dad used to wear the red hat. Marvin Gaye. Marvin Gaye wrote a song. Let's get it on. Ben in the 70s, evidently, he was singing to some fucking 14 year old girl, 16.

Let's not make him a freak. 16 in the studio, trying to convince her to fuck him. You know? So I mean, I was up the whole nother can of worms, the whole R. Kelly thing that, I don't know, was acceptable back then. Or was it?

Was there a double standard? Wait a second. I was gonna say Rupert Murdoch. It wasn't Rupert Murdoch. What the fuck was that guy's name? Who's that fucking guy? He was from France. And he drugged up the 14 year old

in Jack Nicholson's hot tub. Roman Polanski. It's funny how he got in trouble for that shit. And he had to literally leave the country. Marvin Gaye is really singing a song about how he wants to fuck a 16 year old. And nothing ever happened to him. Till his dad shot him.

But I don't think that that was related. So anyway. I wanna fuck a 16 year old. Let's get it on. Sugar. I thought he was giving her. That's how young she was. He couldn't even bribe her with money.

She didn't even know what it was. He was giving her those little fucking little Halloween candies. Oh, did I carve a pumpkin this year? I tried. I took a fucking picture of it. I carved this awesome pumpkin. One of them sucked.

But the other one, the ACDC one. And for the life of me, I cannot upload it onto my fucking MySpace page. A good friend of mine heard my problem on my last podcast. She showed me how to do it on my phone. I was able to email the picture to myself. I was able to save that picture in my fucking

eye photo. Thing, whatever the fuck that is. And then I went to upload it on MySpace. And then they're like, we have an error. There's an error. I hate at MySpace how they go. Sorry, there was an unexpected error. It's like, you know what, Tom?

There's nothing unexpected about it at this point. Okay, if it went through, that would have been unexpected. All right, I got a little fucking piss and vinegar in me this week. Anyways, I do this podcast once a week here. I do it on billbar.com and simultaneously here on my MySpace page.

And you can download these on iTunes. And yeah, I do one of these every single week. People ask me questions. I answer the questions to the best of my ability. And other than that, I rant about shit like I'm doing right now. And before we get started on the podcast, I want to congratulate the Philadelphia Phillies

for winning the World Series. Look at that. They got their second one. What a relief that is. I know the feeling, right? Now no one can talk shit to you. No one can say shit to you for a long time. You know, you realize how long you have to suck now

in baseball for anybody to give you shit. You know? And had you fucking done that a couple years ago, I would have been in trouble in Camden because there's nothing I could have said about you. Actually, I could have. I still could have come up with something. But I don't want to get into that.

I'm trying to mend fences. Yeah, the Phillies fucking won it. You know? Pete, the goddamn double race. And look at myself. I talk myself into a corner because I have nothing mean to say about that other than congratulations.

And the second you're nice, all comedy stops. Anyways, you know what? Let me see. Let's hype what I have. Let's hype what I have coming up this week. I have to open a fucking window to know what the hell I have coming up. Oh, I know where I'm going to be.

I'm going to be at the improv in DC. And let me tell you something, boys and girls, tickets are going fast. I get unbelievable support in DC. And what the fuck is wrong with my website? Don't start this. Don't start this. Oh, there it is.

I clicked on the wrong page. No, I get unbelievable support in DC. Last time I went there, all shows sold out before I even got there. I didn't have to get up and do fucking radio, but I still did it. I still... Oh, look who's calling in.

It's Joe DiRosa. Joe DiRosa. I'm in the middle of doing my podcast. Let me call you right back. I'll be done in about 20 minutes. All right, sweetie. Joe DiRosa, my co-host on Uninformed. We're going to be doing it this Friday.

And our in-studio guest is going to be... Actually, he's calling. It's going to be Joe Perry from Aerosmith, so we're really excited. And I'll let you guys know when it's going to air because we pre-recorded. But getting back on topic this week, I'm going to be at the improv in Washington, DC.

Last I heard, there was about 150 tickets left. So if you want to go to... What is it? Improv.com? I don't know. I got it right there on my MySpace page. You can click on it. Or if you're on my webpage,

if you just click on Upcoming Appearances, there'll be a link right there. I'm going to be there on November 6th, November 7th, November 8th. And it's part of the Uninformed comedy tour, hyping my radio show with Joe DiRosa, who just called in. Isn't that ironic?

Is it ironic? I don't know. I don't even know what irony means anymore. I don't even know what fucking... Is that serendipity? You know who ruined irony with the fucking hipsters? You know, everything became ironic. I'm wearing an ACDC shirt,

but I'm wearing it ironically. How do you do that? How do you wear something ironically? You are wearing it. You fuck. There's nothing ironic about it. It's covering your awful, unworked-out torso. I thought irony was...

I think I've discussed this before in podcasts. You know what? We did, and people sent me definitions, and I still don't understand it. I thought irony was when the... with the fucking fire chief's house burns to the ground. Isn't that ironic? Don't you think?

Right? And then you walk around with the Lannis Morris set. You know when her career went off the rails? It was when she did that fucking video naked, and she had her long fucking... like she just crawled out of that well, like that chick from the ring, when she had that hair hanging down over her titties.

And I don't know what it was. It was like she had a very pancake-shaped... She looked like a gingerbread man with long hair and titties. That's what it was. What you want with a woman, you want the curves, right? That little hourglass thing going on? You know? Not to give women a bad fucking body image.

Women do so much shit to just fuck with their own heads. If you ever talk to a girl and they'll be like, you're like, hey, when did you get that? That'll look cool. I can't wear that. Why can't you wear that? Because I'm a spoon. You're a what?

I'm a spoon. The fuck is a spoon? No, that's my body shape. I'm a spoon. Well, why did you just say that? Like, that was a common term, sweetheart. And you find out that they actually go to these fucking people and they tell them what their body shape is.

And I guess a spoon means you don't have much in a way of chest, but you have a booty. So that means you're a spoon. If you hold the spoon sideways, evidently, that looks like a chick with an ass, which I don't think it does. Because personally, I am an ass man. I've never had the desire to fuck a spoon, even though I eat cereal every morning for breakfast.

Okay? And if you're just titties, what is that? I'm a capital T. I can't wear a hoop skirt. I'm a capital. I mean, I don't know what the fuck it is. They just come up, you know, I don't know what I am. You know, actually, one time I actually looked at myself standing sideways, completely naked in a mirror, right?

I was in a hotel and I realized that I am shaped like the pink panther. You know, pink panther has a big head and he's got big feet and then his body that just goes straight, straight down. That's how I'm shaped. I like to think my eye have better shoulders than the pink panther, but I don't know. You know, that's not for me to judge. That's for the poor woman who's hooked up with me.

You know, fuck this. Let's get to the podcast questions. Why am I telling you guys about looking at myself naked in a fucking mirror? You all do it. Everybody does it. Hey, the elections tomorrow, by the way, if you're listening to this on Monday, as of tomorrow, you know, maybe we're going to have a new president. If Bush doesn't declare martial law in the last second,

he's going to come down to Florida again. And they're going to be trying to count fucking votes. I don't know. I'm really nervous that they're going to leave, that Obama's going to win and they're going to leave him to try and clean up this unclean-up-able mess. I don't know. It's just too fucking depressing to think about.

Whoever wins, okay. You know what the great thing about this election is, is if McCain wins or Obama wins, at the very least, we're going to have a president again that can actually make a speech without you having to look away. And I think that's good. I think that's good, even though they both work for the Rothschilds and we're on our way to one world government, one world bank.

Fuck! I was trying not to say that. You guys seen that commercial out, where they're going to make it easier for us to travel between Mexico, the Caribbean, and Canada. If we all have enhanced driver's license, wink, wink, enhance microchip in it so they can track your whereabouts, because they're trying to get the terrorists. Trying to get terrorists.

We're not trying to see what you're doing. We're trying to get terrorists. Hey, man, you ain't doing nothing wrong. You're shooting that fucking problem with it. People who say that should be processed. You know, I don't think they should be killed. You know, I don't know what to do with them. Should I go with the hacky, stick them on an island,

and give them some big fucking cotton candy machine? Those fucking people, the government can listen to your phone calls. Well, if you ain't doing nothing wrong, what's your fucking problem? The government can fuck you in the ass. Well, hey, if you got lube laying around, you ain't going to fail it. Fucking morons. Yeah, just keep giving away more rights, people. Just keep doing that, you know, and I'm going to keep bitching about it

as I don't join any groups to prevent it or organize or show up at any rallies. I'm that guy. I'm that guy who sits there and goes, hey, you know what the problem is, and then I don't do anything about it. I'm an asshole. All right, question number one of the week. Number one, Bill, we need nicknames. And who better to ask than one of the commentators from the race draft?

What the fuck does that mean? Love the podcast. Just thought it would be something to talk about. Well, what's the funniest nicknames for a fighter? And what would you name the four guys on our main picture? What? How do you think you would fare as a fighter or as a corner man? Also, who's the best fighter ever?

I'll answer those last three because I don't understand the first. I mean, I'm probably fucking it up. I mean, sometimes people write sentences that make sense, but I read so poorly that when I read them out loud, I pause in weird areas and then they don't make sense to me or the listener. And it's one of the reasons why I was never successful when I ran for student government. I didn't run for student government. I was too busy flunking every class that I had.

I was too busy doing that. All right, Bill, what do you think you would fare as a fighter? It depends. Does the other person know how to fight? Is it one of those brother-to-brother, headlock, noogie fights? I always did well on those. How would I fare as a fighter? I think I'm all right.

I think I'm all right. As long as the other person isn't trained. If anybody has any sort of training or any sort of background, I'm fucked because I don't have any training and I have a huge head. And it's a big target. In fact, I was voted most likely to be assassinated. I think I've used that joke before. I just love that one.

Anytime I see anybody with a big head in the crowd, that's what I always think. Like you wouldn't even need to put that guy in a convertible. You could hit him with a slingshot from the other side of a fucking cotton field. Like I actually know the size of a cotton field. Like anybody does. Are there even cotton fields anymore? Did that go out with NAFTA?

See, what we're going to do is we're going to send a cotton field. We're going to have other people pick our cotton and then we're going to buy the shirts back from them. Anyways, how do I think I would fare as a fighter? I think if somebody is a no background, basically angry psycho like me, I think I can hold my own. Although I'm getting a little advanced in age, 40 years old. Wake up with aches and pains.

I think I would fare okay. As a professional fighter, I would not make it out of the Cub Scouts, whatever that version is of being a boxer. I have a complete inability to... I don't know, it's weird. I have good hand-eye coordination. I can catch things very easily, but I'm not fast, which basically means you can be like,

Bill, you could tell me what fist you're going to hit me with and what punch you were going to throw. And 80% of the time, you'd still fucking hit me in the head because I don't know. By the time I know what you're doing, the only thing I have left to do is close my eyes and lift my shoulders as if that does anything. You know that move when you're going to get hit?

If you see that guy, you look away, close your eyes and lift your shoulders. That's always a good difference. Why would you rather lift your hand up and try to fucking, you know, how boxes do and block it? What I do is I close my eyes. I look the other way. I lift my shoulders.

I'm basically trying to protect from my jugular up to my ear lobe. But my jaw and my temple and all that other stuff, that's all for you. You can have that all day long, baby. I'll fucking eat it up. All right. How would I fare as a corner man? You know, if you don't know how to fight,

how can you tell somebody how to fight? And who's the best fighter ever? All right. That's really speaking in general terms. How about my favorite fighter ever? My favorite fighter ever. We're all the middle weights from the 80s, except for Sugar Red Leonard.

I don't know. He was just too cute. I like Tommy Hearns. I have Marvin Hagler was my favorite. I love Roberto Durant. I like, I love boxing back then. Alexis Arguea, Aaron Pryor. Give me the bottle.

No, the one that I mixed. That's for fight fans. Who else did I like back then? Larry Holmes, I liked. Mike Tyson, I love, but he scared the shit out of me. I like Michael Spinks. I like Leon Spinks. That was it.

There you go. Those are the guys I liked. None of that was funny. I'm really boring the shit on myself. Okay. Let's ratchet up the funny here. Number two, Bill, you ever come into, you ever going to come to Dallas?

How about this? Are you ever going to come to the show when I go to Dallas? I go to Dallas every year. That's one of my pet fucking peeves is when people send me fucking emails, right? Like I just got back from Austin and I got a letter this email this week.

Dude, you ever come into Texas? You know, just look at my website. I got all the dates. Okay. And speaking of which, I got a slew of dates, which means a lot. I have a plethora of dates. I have a fuckload of dates coming up

that I'm going to be putting up on my website, billbird.com. And yeah, I'm going to have a whole bunch of dates for January 2009, right through December 2009, or as other people like to say, 2009. And Houston, Texas is going to be there for all you fuckers who keep asking me to come to Houston, even though every time I go there, 11 people show up.

You guys with your empty promises. Dude, you come out. I'm good to bring 20. And I show up and there's 18 fucking people and I'm standing up there, you know, feeling like I'm giving away rubles. Seriously, I got a whole bunch of dates coming up and I'm going to be posting them.

And I have a trip to Europe and Australia in the works. In the works. So England, Sweden, Norway, all right. Put on your fucking comedy hats because I'm coming your way. And I'm also coming to Australia, I believe, next year. Anyways, here we go. Continuing on.

The next question. What do we got here? Okay, Bill, I've subscribed to your podcast on iTunes since the beginning and you are now over a day of talking straight. You know what, I noticed that. I've done over 24 hours of podcast minutes. Anyways, how has the podcast affected you since you started it? See, I just did that.

The sentence was, how has the podcast affected you since you started it? And I read it this way. How has the podcast affected you since you started it? That's exactly how I had this weird pause and then I said, oh my God, there's another word because I was already thinking of the answer. How has it affected me? I don't know, I think my ability to talk to myself

on a phone for 40 minutes has really improved. It's helped me with my radio show to the point that I really feel like I could do an hour of radio by myself just as long as I wasn't in a panic state of oh my God, there's nobody else in here. What am I going to talk about? As long as I didn't go to that place and I just had a couple of subjects,

I can sort of subject surf through my huge head. And you know, I think it's affecting me that way. I don't know, maybe I can improv a little bit better or maybe the stand-up has helped me, I don't know. But I've had a lot of people come up to me at shows and tell me that now that it's on iTunes that they listen to it at work or they have like a designated time when they listen to it

and they've gone back and I had one person tell me one night they sat there and they listened to like all the way back to the summertime, stayed up for like six hours listening to my podcast which was really flattering because I think I'm boring as shit a lot of the times. Look at me searching for a compliment. No, you're not boring, blah, blah, blah.

No, I think it's been a great thing and it's something that last week when I did the very special one and I had Joe DeRosa, I think I'm going to be doing more of those. I enjoy, I don't know, I like working with other people, improv with them, fucking around. And if I could figure out a way to block my podcast, maybe I could do one where I could actually call

someone a regular listener or have somebody call in. I don't know how the fuck I could do it, but then it would just be awkward. I always feel like those things never live up to the hype. Someone's like all excited, then it just turns into that. Remember that Chris Farley character they used to do? You know, the really bad interviewer or he would just be like interviewing Paul McCartney.

He'd be like, remember the time you guys, you guys did the Sgt. Pepper album and then Paul McCartney's like, yeah, yeah, I do remember that night. And he'd just be like, that was awesome. Like I worry that it would just become that like a fucking staring contest. You know, I actually worry, I worry that would actually,

the podcast would be as bad as the awful recreation of that Chris Farley bit. Did you like my really bad English accent that I did in there? It was so bad that I literally had to throw in mate at the end of it so you'd know that, oh, he is doing an English accent. I thought he just raised his voice and octave. Okay, let's plow ahead.

Okay, Bill, you should start writing a book on your stadium travels. You can give yourself the excuse that you're doing it to make money. Oh yeah, rather than being a loser. And get on that new sports soup show. You would be excellent on it. Yeah, for those of you who weren't listening

in the past couple of weeks, I'm actually, I'm not going home for the holidays, Thanksgiving. I'm not going home on Christmas and I'm not working New Year's. I'm tapping out, fuck the masses. I'm taking a break. And instead, I'm actually going to Calgary, Edmonton, and Vancouver with a buddy of mine.

And we're gonna, you know, I'm gonna go, go fucking go to some hockey games and get absolutely shit-faced with their extra alcohol beer. And that's what I'm gonna do. And people have called me a fag. You know, do what are you doing that for? Are you a fag? You know, that kind of stuff.

But I don't care. I like doing it. But I know I'm also a psycho when it comes to that. I have like OCD, like big time. Like I've so gotten into hockey that I just ordered the NHL package. And I am literally watching like three hockey games a night. Like I watch the one hockey game that interests me

and then I tape two others. And then I watch them like literally like a fucking assistant coach. And I don't know. I've been thinking about doing like a book on it, but you know something? The whole reason why I became a comedian is because I don't want to have a job.

I don't want to do work. I just want to do this. Like I don't prepare for these podcasts. I just lay down in the bed and I run my fucking mouth for 45. That's how I like doing shit. I don't like rehearsing. I don't like organizing shit.

I don't like coming up with business models. And you know, I don't want to write a book about my stadium shit. I just want to go to them and get drunk and talk to some, the oldest guy I can find with the oldest looking jersey of the team and to ask them, what was it like 30 years ago when you went to the fucking stadium?

You know, like I love going to Pittsburgh and talking to fucking, you know, the guy driving me from the airport. I look at him like, okay, that guy's like in his 50s. So that means 30 years ago he was in his 20s. If I was in my 20s in Pittsburgh, I would have gone to three River Stadium and I would have watched Franco, Terry,

Winswan and all those guys. And I asked him, did you ever go over there? And he'd be like, oh yeah, it was fucking awesome. And then you hear these great stories. I was at that game, Fred Bolitnikov and the Raiders. And you just, I know, whatever, I'm a fucking nerd. Okay, go. Next question.

I noticed a trend you have of loving to rag on either crazy or stupid people. Oh geez, aren't you perceptive? Well, I noticed you're kind of angry. I'm going to go out on a limb here. Because of this, I was wondering how you feel about Sarah Palin given the fact that she is both of these things, crazy and stupid.

I don't think she's stupid. I just think she's not ready. You know, I think she's really green. You know what I mean? She's more comes off as somebody David Letterman would talk to in a bit, you know, because they make their own jam and they put it in a jar. I'll tell you what I really don't like.

I don't like how Obama and John McCain and all these fucking guys are like on ESPN and they're going on Saturday Night Live. And I think it really trivializes what they're doing. You know what I mean? I think that they should be on shows like Meet the Press and they should be doing debates. And I think that, you know,

you're not supposed to combine church and state. I don't think you should combine political figures and sketch comedy shows that make fun of them. And then they go on there and they're all in on the joke. Like, yeah, I am a fucking idiot. That doesn't really make me confident in either McCain, Obama and, you know, I don't know. I got to tell you something though.

I really want to get a John McCain shirt and just wear it around L.A. Just because I love annoying people, you know? And, you know, I just think that would be funny just to have people like, oh, Jesus Christ, this fucking guy, this John McCain shirt. How could you fuck up a home? Shut up.

Why don't you just shut up? Why don't you stop? And I just want to see how many people's noses I can get to wrinkle. I'm going to tell you right now. I'm going to tell you I'm voting for Ron Paul. I'm voting for Ron Paul. And I don't give a fuck.

I vote for guys from here on out who question the Federal Reserve. And other than that, if you don't do that, then you're just another company guy and I have no use for you. All right, underrated, overrated. Somebody said, oh, look at this, underrated. Doug Davidoff.

And I believe he's in my top 80 friends there on the page, hilarious comedian. This person says he's underrated. He's a great and really under the radar comedian. So check out Doug Davidoff, everybody. And I love this one. Underrated, the cable guy. It was a good movie.

You know what? I love that movie. I think there's just one too many music montages. You know what I mean? But I have to admit that I downloaded that song, That Hey Man, Nice Shot, when Jim Carrey goes out, you know, dressed old school with the short shorts. And does he have a headband?

I don't know if he puts in the mouth guard when he's playing basketball, but there's just one too many of those. But I love that movie. I thought it was really dark and really creepy, which is probably why it didn't do as well. It didn't perform as well at the box office as they wanted to. Because people like to go to the movie theater

and forget their problems. Overrated, Splenda. It's disgusting. What the fuck is Splenda again? Is that stuff that makes Doritos not make you fat, but your athletes? Is that what that is? Overrated, Pink Floyd, Prism T-shirts.

That's a great one. I love Pink Floyd, but there are way too many dumb teenagers wearing that shirt that don't know what the hell it is. Now, I have to ask you a question, person who wrote that in. When you say they don't know what that is, do you mean they don't really know what Pink Floyd is, or they don't know what the prism is?

Because I've got to tell you, I've owned Dark Side of the Moon forever, and I don't know what the prism means either. I don't even know what a prism is, other than a triangle that makes you go, wow man, look at the colors and freaking out. I do have to tell you this. Let me check the time of the podcast here.

28 minutes, that's decent. We're going to wrap this up at about 30. That's a good one. One of the best musical experiences I ever had was I bought Pink Floyd. God damn it, the phone's ringing. Who's this? Greg Fitzsimmons.

Hang on a second. Greg Fitzsimmons. Hello. Gregory. Oh, wait a minute. He pocket dialed me. Let me listen to see if he's talking about me. Ah, no, he's not.

No such look. That's like another, you know what? And now he's going to call me back like 19 times because I'm the last guy he called. And every time he reaches over to scratch his right ball, his left ball is going to hit send on his cell phone and he's going to call me. Anyways, getting back to the Pink Floyd musical experience.

I bought that, I believe on cassette tape. And I had headphones just like it dazed and confused. And I listened to that in the dark for the first time. Now this is for all you youngsters out there who are not jaded. And as long as you haven't watched his face as a death and running that type of shit, you're still relatively innocent. Like I was back then, pre-internet days, even though the internet existed but it only existed for fucking nerds.

I listened to that album in the dark and that album scared the living shit out of me. It's incredible music, but that shit with people running down the halls and heartbeats and all that type of crap, that really scared the hell out of me and it's a fucking masterpiece. So if you get a chance, get some headphones. If you can buy it on vinyl off of eBay,

you know, you don't even need drugs. That's how good Pink Floyd is. And there you go. All right, the original Pink Floyd. Hey, I got a question. Would you guys, anybody out there, would you like to hook up with that girl Pink? There's something really hot about her,

but then she's also kind of built like a fullback. Like, you know, like she, I don't know. I have to use the classic. I think she ripped your dick off, man. Anyways, that's the podcast for this week. Half hour, there you go. I'm trying to trim it back a little bit. These podcasts will be coming a little too long,

kind of like jam bands, shit. So anyways, I'm going to be at the improv. In Washington, D.C. this week, the eighth, ninth, I can't even fucking read it. No, the sixth, seventh, and eighth of November. And the following week, I'm with the uninformed tour, with Joda Rosa once again, will be at Nashville's, Nashville Comedy Zanies in Nashville.

See, I can't read. November 13th, 14th, and 15th. Just click on the link if you're on the MySpace page. If you're on billbird.com, just click on upcoming appearances and then click the link. Please keep the questions coming. Please keep underrated, overrated coming, and please answer my question, what a prism is,

or what the fuck it is, whatever that triangle is. I don't fucking know. All right, now I got a headache, and I've lost total momentum on this podcast. It's not funny anymore, and it needs to fucking stop. All right, everybody go out and vote tomorrow. Go with your gut, and actually try to read the questions. That's what I'm gonna do today.

You know those stupid little signs people have? Vote no on eight, man! And then you keep a running tally. Wow, everybody keeps saying vote no, so then you vote no, and you read that little paragraph. Can anybody explain to me why those, when they have those questions, it's never clear. It's always no means yes, and yes means no.

You know what I mean? It's like, why can't they just fucking just say what the questions mean? Why can't we just live in a perfect world? Hey Bill, why don't you just shut the fuck up and end the podcast? All right, that's what I'm gonna do. I'll talk to you guys next Monday.

That is it, God bless all of you. And hey, the time next week we'll have a new president. Isn't that exciting? Someone who can make a speech. All right, who you voting for? The white guy or the off-white guy? Thank you! I'll be at the fucking DC improv this week.

Please come out to the show. All right, motherfuckers, that's it. Have a good week. I know I'm sorry, but we're dangerous. Oh, okay, I think we've got a lot of time. I'm so nervous. Okay, let's go. All right, let's go.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's go. Okay, let's go. Okay, let's go. Okay, let's go. Okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay, take care everyone. Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. Thank you.