Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-7-24
Episode Date: November 7, 2024Bill rambles about picking teams, preachers, and legal tender. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (29:25) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 11-7-16 - Bill rambles about Christmas shopping, getting ri...d of old shit, and this god damn election. (01:30:19) - Anything Better Preview & Picks - Week 10 Zip Recruiter:  Try ZipRecruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR SimpliSafe:  This week only, you can get 60% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is their best offer of the year! Head to www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR Policy Genius:  Head to policygenius.com/BILLBURR or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.
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So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right?
So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home
That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently
I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado
And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs
We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a
yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more
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Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before
Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in. Checking in on you. What's going on?
How are ya?
Oh, sorry about no Monday morning podcast this week.
I'll be honest with you.
I completely forgot it was Monday.
I've been running around crazy.
I got a big gig this week and all of a sudden I was like, holy shit, today was Monday.
I forgot to do it.
And then my week got super busy or whatever.
So I apologize for that.
You know, there goes my streak.
I don't know, how many Mondays did I do in a row?
I think I missed one back in September when I had the flu.
Or whatever it was that I had.
Whatever it was that I got coming back
from that cave out there in Nashville.
Nashville, Tennessee
Can anybody explain to me how why is this so?
Redlining here was I'm talking. I don't feel like I'm being that loud
How the fuck was Penn State ranked number two? Can somebody explain that with where did that come from?
I got to watch a little bit of that game last week
They were playing Ohio State was it last week was it two weeks ago, I don't know
But it was so fucking frustrating
They had the game one and then they just wide open receivers the balls that the guys fucking ankles
whatever
You don't catch the ball goes off your chest the defensive back catches it in the end zone. And I just was like, why do I do this to myself?
Why do I continue to watch sports the way I do?
I would just love to watch them, you know, completely, just be completely indifferent.
I know there's somebody that does that. completely, just be completely indifferent.
I know there's somebody that does that. There has to be some sort of app, you know,
that you can download and then they can track your behavior
and then sell your information to people in fucking Thailand
or whatever the hell it is they do.
There has to be an app that teaches you how,
like being like apolitical, like can you be a, like you just don't, like how do you not,
like I get it with the Boston teams, I'm gonna always root for the Boston teams, right?
But like why do I give a fuck, how did I start giving a fuck about Penn State beating Ohio
State?
I was like mad at myself, I'm like why am I listening to this fucking game?
You know?
Or like watching the World Series. I'm like, why am I this into this fucking game? You know?
Or like watching the World Series.
And it's like, oh, you know, I'm a Red Sox fan, I fucking hate the Yankees, I gotta root for the Dodgers. And then I'm looking at the Dodgers and then they're showing highlights at a Lakers game.
I'm like, wait, I'm a Celtics fan, I fucking hate the Lakers.
And I just was like, dude, none of this, none of this matters.
Dude, none of this, none of this matters.
Why don't you just enjoy the fact that there's about $700 million worth of talent out there
playing the game at the highest level,
highest, at the highest level.
Why can't you just do that?
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks.
I don't care who fucking wins.
Root, root, root for the seven game series
Because if they wrap it up quicker than that I have to go back
to life on the road
Anyway, I found a really good coffee spot
Where I'm staying old school
Old school in a good way. Sometimes old school is like chicken
out of king. You know what I mean? And your dad belting your mom. You know, waffle falls
on the floor, something like that. Sometimes that's old school. But then other times it's
like, oh, this tastes like actual food. Great coffee, and their parfait doesn't have any sugar in it. That's my move for old Billy fucking no tits.
Alright?
Hey, I'm Billy no tits.
Do you want to have no tits in your mid-50s sliding into your late 50s?
I'm 57. I'm getting into my late 50s everybody.
I am old enough to be a disgraced politician. I'm old enough to be on the other side of a lot of shit.
A lot of shit. A lot of shit could happen. I'm old enough to have been a Hall of Famer
in a sport. Never happened. I'm old enough to be a disgraced politician.
never happened. I'm old enough to be a disgraced politician.
This probably a general or an admiral that's roughly my age.
And here I sit trying to figure out how to do shit jokes Saturday night. You know, it you know, it is it's like there is no right
answers. You're just you're on the road. You're supposed to be on and then just that is what it is
I'll tell you this here's something that you didn't hear about
This week the week before maybe this whole year on any sort of major
major
news network or anything like that is
major news network or anything like that is
it's November, let's see, Monday was the 4th, 5th, 6th, it's November 7th
and I'm in New York City and it is 68 fucking degrees out.
Like there's people walking down the street without a jacket on. There's people jogging in shorts.
I mean...
And I was talking to some locals and they were like, yeah, man, it hasn't rained here.
I can't remember the last time it rained here.
It's terrifying.
And I got to be honest with you.
I think LA is the better place to be rather than the East Coast.
East Coast, if you just look at it, you're like, all right, it's got all this water,
you know, the trees or whatever, and it just seems like more lush land.
But like if it's not going to fucking rain, it's going to stop fucking raining, those
trees are going to dry out.
And the people on the East Coast are not experienced with wildfires.
LA wildfires are, you know, it's like getting a taco out there it's
just it's part of your day-to-day life in LA. It's traffic and unbelievable taco
and like do you think those flames are gonna get to my house? I think the
advantage of living in Los Angeles is we have apocalyptic weather every year.
So we, I don't know, I don't know.
Whatever.
What is that Winston Churchill?
Just fucking carry on.
Yeah.
So but here's the thing.
I'm not afraid of like dying and meeting an angry God
because I've come to terms with the fact
that he has made all of these people,
I am out of this bullshit that he made everybody great
and then the devil came in and said something
on your shoulder and you gave into that
in a moment of weakness.
Now Jesus is mad at you and you gotta make amends on Saturday on your knees inside a
closet right?
I don't buy into that.
I think it's put in there for a reason.
Like all of these sociopaths and fucking psychos and how we just don't get along with one another
and all of that shit. I just feel like that's the natural state of human beings.
No, I don't want to say the natural state, but it's the natural... The reason why God made sociopaths is to make, to ensure that there was going to be a beginning,
a middle, and an end to humanity.
And then he could move on to his next creation.
Because that's one thing that they never talk about in religion is at some point, God was
over the dinosaurs.
It's just like, you know, I just like, it was like cool just like, you know what, I just like,
it was like coolant forests, you know, they were all big.
I was younger, I was showing off,
and then he just threw a fucking meteor.
All right, let's start over again.
Let's see if I can be a little more subtle.
Let's make the animals a little smaller.
And let's make a almost hairless one.
And have it walk around, you know,
in sneakers and sweatpants and see what that does.
These animals seem to like stadiums.
Anyway, so I don't really know what to talk about.
I have been in a bunker all week.
But I tell you what, I've been having fun working on the monologue for the show Saturday night.
It's funny, I always say to God, God, I got to work clean. Oh, this is good. It's so much harder to work clean.
Two nights of working clean, you don't even remember working dirty.
It's not really easier or like more difficult. It's just
different. And then once you settle into that you're like, oh I could go a
whole hour like this. You know I just kind of choose not to because in my
day-to-day life I would like to curse less. Certainly in front of my kids. You
know. Do you know when I curse the most in front of my kids?
Is when I'm playing out a scenario in my head.
And I'm in the kitchen and I'm cooking
and I'm talking to myself.
And I'm like, and I'll just be like making eggs or something.
And I don't even know, my kids are like sitting at the table
and I don't even know I'm doing it.
I'm like making eggs going,
oh yeah, is that what the fuck you think?
Huh?
That's because you're a fucking piece of shit.
And I hear, dad!
And I go, oh, sorry.
Sorry.
No, I swear to God, my kids sometimes,
sometimes they just look at me,
but sometimes they really look at me.
And those are the looks as a parent that scare you.
When they're just really, you just see them doing the math like,
oh, he doesn't have all the answers.
He doesn't have this all figured out.
You know, but that's okay.
And that's what this program is about. It's, you know, it that's okay. And that's what this program is about.
It's, it's, you know, it's okay to be flawed.
It's okay.
Um, I like those, those types of people that tell people it's okay.
Whatever they're doing, it's okay.
You know, the amount of money that you can make
off of fellow human beings,
telling them that the wrong shit that they're doing
actually is okay, it's not wrong,
then it's just like, yeah, I like this.
I like this person.
They're telling me what I wanna hear.
It's just easy, there's no work involved.
Anyway, hey, do you think there's in any world
I could do a standup show at Joel Austin's arena?
Like on an off night when he's dark?
You know, that was the summit.
That's where the Houston Rockets, the Twin Towers played.
Moses Malone, it's a lot of history in there it's just a shame that
you got this little guy in there you know who probably maybe I maybe he can
hit a layup think Joel could fucking run an offense run the triangle offense come
up push it up the court you know he played for the Saviors. I
Mean it is a shame with all the money that that guy has that that is not a multi-purpose
Arena You know at least have a church league and clear out those seats on the bottom
Saints versus sinners I
Wouldn't go shirts and skins with the track record of,
is he Catholic? I don't know what he is.
Or did he just kind of make up his own thing?
It really is incredible.
It would be incredible to see one of those preachers, ministers, whatever they are.
Just like, come clean.
And just be like, alright, how did you do this?
You know what I mean?
Like what is the marketing amway thing that you did?
Like I think his game is he does that thing where he goes, yeah, you know, God
wants you to get a hooker as long as you wear a condom,
you know, you wake up the next morning, you know, you help out your wife, he'll forgive
you, he'll forgive you, whatever he says, right?
You got him, he's the feel-good, he's the feel-good minister, and then you got the other
ones that like try to scare the hell out of you.
Those are the ones I'm more fascinated with.
I get Joel. Like if I was going to go to church, I would just go see him.
He's just sort of a pleasant person.
He's telling me everything I'm doing is okay.
I think, isn't that what he does? I thought it was Joel Olsteen and then we did
old dads Bobby Cannavale kept saying Joel Austin in that scene and I was thinking like
oh god you know he's so fucking brilliant he's he's mispronouncing that name on purpose
it's a character choice and then I looked at the script I go oh wait it is Austin and
it's like that all happened in my head and then I was kind of looking around the set go wait
I've been saying old steam does everybody think I'm stupid
Freckles is in the pressure cooker this week
I am enjoying it. I am having such a great time and I will talk to
you guys about it when it's when it's over because I'm like superstitious but I do have good feelings.
I'll leave it at that but anyway I haven't been watching any sports. I'm one race behind in MotoGP
which is really coming down to it.
Although Mark Mark has crashed out on the last race,
I was kind of hoping that he was just gonna come
out of nowhere and we would just have like a
three-way race to the end.
I mean, there can't be more than one or two races left.
In fact, I wonder,
you know, I wonder if it could have been wrapped up
on Sunday, I'll have to watch it, whatever.
I'll have to watch it.
So yeah, like if Jorge Martin won,
does that put him far enough ahead of Peko?
I don't know.
You know what?
I think I might have to watch that.
I might have to watch that right now.
Yeah, you're kind of a jerk.
Kind of a little punky.
You see that bully?
That's one of my wife's favorite videos where the guy's teaching self-defense and he goes,
all right, he's a short guy.
He goes, come over here.
When you bully me, so this taller guy comes over,
he goes, hey, because you're kind of a jerk.
You're kind of a short little punky.
And the guy takes a sip, the short guy takes a sip
of his beer and he just goes,
and he spits it in the guy's face.
And my favorite part is he goes, he goes, is it dirty?
Okay but it works.
Like he goes, is it dirty?
No and you said yes.
He goes, okay but it works.
I don't think there's anything dirty in a bar fight.
Like if you're not looking for a fight and some guy twice the size of you comes up to
you and is going to beat the shit out of you you like and there's no ref for when you tap out and this guy could just continue on and on and give you brain damage.
I mean, I think you can fucking spit a Michelob light in his face.
I don't consider that dirty. I consider that having respect for your own well-being.
Anywho, I think that's kind of all I have.
I've just been having a great time doing spots here.
In the city, whoa.
And I'm just trying to enjoy what I used to say in my act is the golden age of global warming.
You know, I'll tell you what's funny. I ran to this old guy and he was going, yeah, I go, how about this weather? He goes, yeah, Indian summer.
That's what they used to be called. Indian summer. How about Indian month? Indian year?
Anyway, I wrote a Rodney Dangerfield joke about global warming.
Alright, sorry about that. I got a FaceTime from the family back east.
I forgot to put it in airplane mode. So anyway, I don't even remember
what the hell I was talking about.
All right, let me do the reads, man.
Let me do the reads, man,
for this week here.
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Alright, there you go. I just did the reads.
Okay, we're back.
And we're back.
What else is there to talk about?
I don't know.
I've been in a cave
Let's tell you if I've messed up my ball I messed up my back again
Again, I had it all worked out and then when I got to Boston, I didn't talk about doing the comics come home
I Had a great time doing that gig
And I saw a couple of new comics.
I don't have their names in front of me.
God damn it.
I gotta talk about this because there's a couple that I saw were absolutely brilliant.
And I have to get, I gotta make sure I give them the proper shout out.
But I did have a great time going.
I always loved doing that gig with Larry, Cam Neely, and all of those guys, Bobby, Kelly, Lanny Clark.
And I gotta tell you, as fun as the show was,
the hang afterward was even more fun
because it's just a mix of comedians, former Bruins,
retired players,
just people that like have grown up in bars, like, you know, whatever you call people
that aren't in some version of show business, civilians.
It's just this great mix of people and everybody's just like,
one of the, I was sitting there at one point
and I'm just looking at the circle of people I'm talking to,
you know, and I'm like, here's a lifelong Boston resident. This guy has his name on the Stanley Cup and I tell shit jokes and we're just fucking hanging
out shooting the shit.
It was so much fun and it's not much fun the hang was after.
I had only planned to go up there and do a lap and go back to bed because you know, I
got this gig this week and I wanted to be rested up
and I ended up staying there till like 1.30 in the morning.
It was amazing.
So thank you to Dennis and Cam Neely and everybody
that puts that thing together every year.
The band sounded great.
They were playing some Rolling Stones
and they were killing it.
It was just, it was awesome.
It was really awesome.
And I did my usual thing.
Where I went to the North End, I got myself a sandwich.
I went to a couple of coffee spots.
I walked around the town like I love doing.
And I'll tell you something I saw hilarious right down there near the TD Bank North Garden was
Saw they have a 24-hour Dunkin Donuts and
We were coming back oh
It was after the after party
And so it's about 2 in the morning quarter to 2 in the morning
And I drove by and
I see the Dunkin' Donuts is still open and there's one poor bastard working there.
And I'm just thinking, man, that's got to be the most fucking dangerous job.
You're in there by yourself.
I mean, what do you got?
You got a pot of hot coffee so maybe you can throw it at the person coming in with the
gun like Judge Reinhold and Fast Times at Richmond High.
Then I'm thinking like, is there even money in stores anymore?
Like nobody uses cash.
Every once in a while, like you go to pay with cash,
and like, yeah, we don't take cash here.
And it's like, that isn't legal.
Like, can somebody explain to me how the new Clippers Arena,
that fucking piece of garbage that owns that team,
and he acts like, yeah, I'm like you guys.
And it's like, you're not like us.
You're not like us.
What, cuz you like sports?
Who doesn't like sports?
There's a difference between liking sports and capturing everybody's retina
that comes into your fucking arena so you can turn around and
sell the information to make even more money.
You greedy fuck.
And all of these zombies just come walking in to go look at, oh wow, look at this, can
I afford to come here while your tax dollars are fucking paying for it.
Now that might not all be accurate, but that's basically what usually happens.
That was my favorite thing about when George W. Bush threw out that first
pitch at the Texas Rangers game and they gave him a standing ovation and it's
like you realize this is the guy that bankrupted the country with his damn
good intelligence. Isn't it amazing how nobody calls him on that? CNN and Fox
News they got nothing to say about that. Here we are all these years later all
these years later we're fucking bankrupt because the intelligence was wrong and we're still fucking there
He owned the Texas Rangers
Him and his group threatened to move the team unless the state of Texas bought a new paid for a new fucking
I might correct me if I'm wrong
Unless they gave him a new baseball stadium, they were gonna leave.
So they blackmail him to shell out,
God knows how much money, to buy him a new stadium,
which immediately increased the value of the team,
and then they turned around and sold it.
So he's fucked those people in Texas twice.
Once locally, and once once globally or federally.
And he came down to throw out the pit and they gave him a standing ovation.
That's, I mean, that's fucking brilliant to be able to pull that off.
So shout out to him.
And shout out to everybody.
Just keep looking at colors of ties and believing
in the ideology and just believe that they're not in it for themselves.
They're in it for you.
They're there to protect you.
Oh, Jesus.
Anyway, I think that's all I got here.
I'm going to try to watch that race before I get on with my goddamn day here.
But anyway, as always, thanks to everybody that came out to the show in Boston.
I'm very excited about this week and I'm also really excited about that run of dates I have
out there in California.
The great state of California.
One of those weird people.
I like all the states.
You know why?
Because every state has Americans in them. Okay? I root for the home team. I know that's not what you're supposed to do
now. I'm supposed to look at a state and be like, what color is your state? This color
state is so fucking stupid. And you're literally watching adults doing that. It's it's It's unreal it's unreal
But it's real it is what it is
Alright, that's it everybody go fuck yourselves. Have a great weekend you cunts and I'll talk to you on Monday
Hey, what's going on?
It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, November 6th,
2016.
Holy shit.
Dude, I got to start my fucking Christmas shopping.
You know what?
You actually should at this point.
Wouldn't that be great?
Wouldn't it be great to just think of every fucking goddamn person out there that you
got to buy for?
Not your kids. All right? You love buy for. Not your kids, alright?
You love your kids.
Not your dog, you love your dog, right?
What else is there?
It's your kids and your dog, that's what it is, right?
You love your wife too, but you know.
You know how it is, right?
Wouldn't it be great if you could just fucking go,
just get it all fucking done.
Just call in sick one day,
you know exactly where you wanna go.
Fuck, give me one of those, give me fucking like Dunkin' Donuts.
Give me two fucking jellies of fucking powdered sugar.
Fucking two glazed in a curler.
Right, except it's gifts.
You know, then you just have the lady down there
wrap them for you. The whole fucking, I mean's gifts. You know, and then you just have the lady down there wrap them for you.
The whole fucking, I mean nice gifts though.
Nice, thoughtful shit for like 10, 15 fucking people,
but you just knock it out in four hours, right?
Then you take these fake hay fever pills
and you walk into where it's like,
oh God, just woke up.
I'll be all right, I'll be in my cubicle.
Whatever, and you did the whole fucking thing is done.
All right, and then you can just sit there and chill.
Two things you should fucking do.
I would, this is why I'm actually talking out loud
to myself and I'm not mad if you're listening.
All right?
Two things you gotta do.
You gotta do fucking cardio right through the new year
because you know you're gonna eat and drink
like a fucking pig. You know it's happening, all right? You know it's the right through the new year because you know you're gonna eat and drink like a fucking pig.
You know it's happening, all right?
You know it's the end of the year.
You know what I mean?
You get those few days off and you just start thinking,
what if we just always had days off
and everybody just fucking cooked and you fucking drank
and nobody gave a shit
and there wasn't anything to do the next day, you know?
That wonderful feeling of actually living life
while enjoying it as opposed to looking in dread
at your fucking watches as the next fucking Monday's coming.
So if you can just somehow knock it out,
you know what I mean?
Knock it out before the animals show up.
I mean, it's just fucking, it all starts on Black Friday
and then it just becomes fucking just
bad fathers and I don't know what, into December and all of that shit.
So you knock that out, you do your half hour cardio every fucking day, you go for a walk,
whatever the fuck you do, eat a salad or some shit.
Just do something.
You know?
So you know, as I'm sitting here drinking a fucking Miller High Life doing this fucking
podcast, I should do that.
I should make a fucking list in my head right now.
All the nieces and nephews, what do they want, how old are they, bang, bang, boom.
I don't like that internet shopping though.
You just go on Amazon, you just go around just clicking shit.
Some reason it's not as fucking cool.
I actually found it, accidentally found this really cool toy store.
Of course I was going out to a bar.
And it was closed and everything, but it actually had like wooden toys, like cars and shit like
that, like, you know, the way they used to make them.
They didn't make them that way when I was a kid.
I remember my dad used to say that, Christ, this is cheap shit.
When I was a kid, Christ says,
that was made out of metal and wood
and the tires were real rubber, right?
And our shit was all fucking plastic
and God knows what else.
You put it in your mouth and next thing you know,
you were bad at math and you couldn't read out loud.
So you had to start telling jokes.
That's what happened.
Everything, I was born during a fucking time when any fucking toy when you were a kid,
if you were the little kid going through the oral stage, you know, where they just stick
their whole fucking hand in their mouth, all your little brothers and shit, every fucking
toy you had, they put it in their mouth, that was it.
You know?
They went from an A student down to a B student, and then they had all the colorful cereals
with all that fucking shit in it. They had fluff, peanut butter and fluff sandwiches. Man, it was just fucking,
it was a sugar coma. Oh, and I got to tell you, it was great. Oh, Jesus Christ, you need
to fluff another sandwich, then you put on the banana splits or the monkeys, you know,
with the whole influence of the acid generation. It's a good time.
Um.
Um.
Um.
Um.
Dude, I saw a guy on a motorcycle today
had a fucking suicide shifter behind him.
I always thought they kind of put it right down to the side.
They had it behind him.
I was, uh, I was dropping off some stuff.
Um.
You know, I'm getting rid of a bunch of shit that I have.
I bought one of those fucking, what are those saws called?
Not a table saw, the one that you have,
it's just a hand saw.
I fucking bought a great one a few years ago.
Because I had this under, I got into this whole
thought process that I was going to start fixing shit
around the house and I was going to start woodworking
or some shit like in my 40s, you know what I mean? Like it's over, some shit like in my 40s you know what I mean like it's over it's not gonna happen you know what I mean unless
you go take a class I don't know what but I didn't have time for that shit so I bought
this thing fucking top of the line thing I've had that thing for three years it's still
in the fucking box and I finally just said Bill you got nothing to build. Okay? The problem with the house that you bought was everything was done by some fucking asshole like you.
After it was built. After it was built. It's a bunch of do-it-yourself, weekend warrior horse shit.
Okay?
So I took that. I had this bicycle that I bought in Nia. She never used it.
She used it long enough to fuck up all the gears. You know what I mean?
She didn't know that you couldn't shift
while not pedaling.
You know, I forget, you know,
she's like 10 years younger than me, so I forget.
I forget they just grew up with automatic cars
and they don't understand that shit has to be turning
when you fucking pull the levers down.
So that thing was fucked up.
Some old juicer, just shit that was gonna take up space
in the kitchen, I'm getting rid of that shit.
I got a bunch of old drum shit I'm getting rid of.
By the way, by the way, all my modern drummers, all my drum magazines,
I'm getting rid of those things.
And I have enough fucking drum videos to make a god date,
to start a fucking music store.
I never watch them.
There's a few that I'm gonna keep,
the Steve Gadd up close, the Tommy Aldridge one.
There's a couple that I love that I'm gonna keep.
Maybe the Steve Smiths, Kenny Aronoff.
But I have like a zillion other ones that I just watched
and people were phenomenal,
but I just never learned anything from it
David Garibaldi was a good one. See this is what's gonna happen
I'm gonna go through the magazines because I know I got a couple old ones like Tommy Lee. There's a John Bonham tribute
I'm not getting rid of those fucking things, but the rest of them
This is like a music school. If anybody knows out here in LA that I could just donate those things to they just they just like
You know, I'm not me be this, I'm becoming like
that fucking old lady, you know, or the guy who just doesn't throw any shit, any of his shit out
and I just have like, I literally have like a decade and a half of fucking drum magazines.
And what am I doing with them? You know, I read them and I put them up on the shelf and then I
get another one the next month. I read it, I put it up on the shelf and I always think like, oh yeah,
I'm going to go back to this one and I don't go back to it.
Then I forget whatever article,
whatever music that they wrote out.
I'm never gonna fucking find it.
What am I doing with it?
Pass it on to somebody else, let them fucking use it.
Although what was good was I was trying to fuck with,
was it Where Eagles Dare?
Iron Maiden and that one part. That do-ga-do-ga-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- but still, I'm still able to figure it out via YouTube. So I'm gonna get rid of a bunch of shit like that.
And, uh, because now that my fucking house is done,
I would also like to have it be, uh, breathable.
Little fucking feng shui there, you know what I'm saying?
Because I gotta tell you, even though the fucking kitchen
has come to a grinding halt because of all the wiring
they had to do, getting that fucking island out of there.
Ugh.
It's the greatest fucking thing ever.
That adolescent fucking cow that I had laying in the middle of the fucking fridge, I mean
right middle of the goddamn kitchen.
Finally got that the fuck out of there.
So, anyways, but this isn't what I wanted to talk about.
This is the Monday Morning Podcast.
My batteries are at medium, which means it it's probably gonna fucking cut out on me right before I get to an hour
What else did I want to talk about oh Jesus I was watching a bunch of football this weekend college and pro
Equally enjoyable. I gotta start sticking up for the NFL because now everybody's just piling on talking about how their ratings are
I'm sticking up for the NFL, because now everybody's just piling on talking about
how their ratings are plummeting and all that shit.
What I think is they just got too broad-based,
and now it's getting back to the numbers
that it realistically is.
You know what I mean?
It was almost like the housing bubble,
where someone has a fucking shit shack,
and for some reason it's worth 400 grand.
You're like, that's worth 400 grand?
Yeah, and the way the market's going,
this time next year, it'll be worth 500 grand, right?
That shit, and then eventually the doll just topples
on itself and somebody finally just goes,
that is a shack that you shit in.
I mean, I shit every day,
so I'll give you a five grand for it.
Eventually, that's what happens.
I think the NFL, they just you know they
went from fucking 26 teams in my lifetime to 28 to 30 to 32 to fucking wearing pink
for a whole month to saluting the fucking troops to having Bruce Springsteen play at
the halftime to fucking having it Monday night Thursday, and then occasionally Saturday, they just got way too fucking big here.
And now they're just sort of adjusting it down. They kind of went through their Phil Collins 80s years, you know?
Just getting away from the prog rock shit that they did. Like the prog rock of the NFL was like the 60s 70s
50s 60s 70s right then in the 80s they kind of peaked you know and then once
they got no 90s wasn't bad somewhere I guess in like the 2000s I think it was
like when Phil Collins started you know doing covers of like the Supreme shit. You can't hurry love.
And you know, there's a girl that's been on my mind all the time.
Su, su, su, yeah.
Like half of his shit, you couldn't even understand
what it was.
I remember this dude, he used to wear a fucking tank top
cut off with the Ghostbusters logo on.
Loved Phil Collins.
And not only did I not like Ghostbusters,
never was into that fucking movie,
I couldn't stand that Phil Collins shit
somewhere along the line.
You know what it was, was when he started
lecturing me about the homeless.
You know, I came home, you know, I put on MTV,
I wanted to eat a steak-em, right?
God knows what happened to me that day.
I flunked a test, you know.
Somebody beat me up for having orange fucking hair.
I just want to sit out.
I didn't need to be reminded of this shit.
Right?
And all of a sudden he's up there,
Oh, think twice,
Cause it's another day for you and me in paradise.
I remember just watching that video going,
What the fuck happened to his lip?
You know? Is he a squealer? Why's he got that little mark of the squealer on him? I remember just watching that video going, what the fuck happened to his lip?
You know?
Is he a squealer?
Why's he got that little mark of the squealer on him?
Did he steal a song?
Anyways, but what I really meant to say is, it's great that he's back.
It's great that he's going back out on tour.
One of the greatest fucking drummers of all fucking time.
I don't know. It's just somewhere around in the air tonight. All that shit after
that, the mic and the mechanic shit, all of that fucking shit, it just, it's the, you
know what never came back is the sound of the synthesizer. It just, there's no way to
make that sound quality. I don't know. What the fuck do I know?
But just my own fucking opinion.
I just feel like it doesn't have any soul.
You know?
Oh Jesus, Bill, why don't you shut the fuck up.
Okay, I will.
Let's talk about these new Hillary Clinton fucking commercials, which of course, and
the Trump ones, none of them talk about any sort of issues.
They're just sort of talking about each other, about what assholes they are.
It's like two seventh grade girls
just fucking starting rumors about each other.
They're not talking about the nationwide heroin epidemic,
they're not talking about fucking
the pharmaceutical companies trying to fucking make weed
not legal at a state level again,
because all the states where it's fucking legal, the
prescription medications, prescriptions are all down, they're losing money, so they're
going to try to demonize it again, according to the person that I can't even remember who
the fuck it is that told me that, and then I never read it to see if it's true, but now
I'm telling it to you.
They're not talking about any of that shit.
Great Barrier Reef is dead.
Who gives a fuck, right?
All right, let's trash the Hillary one first.
All right, the Hillary one about fucking Donald Trump
is they're trying to go, your kids are watching this.
What kind of president are they gonna see?
Okay, which I get, all right,
there's kids that are into politics,
but they show like six-year-olds,
like riveted to a fucking,
to a fucking adult running for office. Do you remember when you were six years old?
I don't even know what kids see nowadays.
When I was a kid, remember when your parents put on the fucking news?
Remember that feeling in your stomach?
It was just like they were making you eat spinach.
You're like, oh my God, I got to get out of here.
This is boring.
Anytime there were adults on TV with suits talking, it was over. making you eat spinach, you're like, oh my God, I gotta get out of here. This is boring.
Anytime there were adults on TV with suits talking,
it was over.
I wanted nothing to do with it.
All I want, cartoons, I like sports, the bionic man.
What else did they have back then?
Little House on the Prairie, I liked for a little while,
then it got all gross when fucking,
they brought that kid in who, did he go deaf
or did he go, I can't remember what the fucking,
the Adam kid or some shit.
He started fucking the one with the pigtails.
It just got gross, man.
I don't know, I used to like watching the cowboy shit.
I liked that stuff, but anything that was remotely
nightly news, politics, I vaguely remember Richard Nixon crying on the radio
when I was riding in the car with my mother and she was trying to explain to me what was
happening. And I was like, oh, oh, okay. And I never thought like, wow, this guy lied to
the nation. This guy, this is a president crying on the radio.
I had no concept of any of that.
I was just like, all right, can I get out of the car right now?
Cause it's sunny out.
We've been driving for a while and I think I'm going to throw up.
That's all I was thinking.
Cause I was a fucking kid.
Okay, people.
Here's the deal.
I mean, how fucking awful are you that you got to start talking about kids.
Kids are watching this guy.
And then the Hillary one,
I don't even know what the fuck it was.
It looked like a fucking Pink Floyd video.
I only, I was cooking and I turned around,
I had the game on,
the one that Trump made about Hillary,
which I want to say it was somebody dressed up like Hillary,
holding a pickaxe or something,
like I didn't even know.
I never took a hallucination to be like, up like Hillary holding a pickaxe or something like I didn't even know.
I never took a hallucinogen, but you know that commercial maybe be like, you know, this
would have been a great time to have done some acid to just watch that and like, you
know, and if he somehow made it like feature length, that would have been fucking awesome.
But anyways, I believe the election is this week.
I want to say it's Wednesday.
Or is it Tuesday?
Maybe it's fucking Tuesday.
I have no idea.
I know Wednesday the 9th I'm going to be on Conan O'Brien and there will be a new president.
Is it going to be the first-
LADY! new president. Is it gonna be the first lady? You know, which means Bill Clinton
will be the first, what the fuck would he be, what would he be called, the first
husband? The first first husband? I knew I'd be groundbreaking. Jesus Christ, can
you imagine if that fucking cigar fucking stick-in lunatic is back in there and now he doesn't even have a fucking job
Jesus Christ
Hillary the first day is gonna be like get all these broads the fuck out of here
I'm president
Get him anything with the twat get it the fuck off, Pennsylvania Avenue
That's it. They're literally gonna have to fucking wheel Bill around like Hannibal Lecter
on like one of those two-wheelers.
You know what I mean? With the little fucking muzzle on him.
Jesus, that animal might be coming back.
Um, I think he's gonna... I think uh...
I think Trump fucked up. He just said too much crazy shit
and he made the Clintons look sane.
And he's got no one to blame but himself.
That's my prediction, all right?
If I was a betting man and I was going to Vegas,
unbelievable, right?
And Bernie Sanders is like that school
that should have been allowed into the playoff
and didn't fucking get in, right? Because all these fucking cunts were too afraid to vote for him because they're like, oh, there's no
way he could win. I saw somebody the other day on TV, they did this whole fuck, they did this, they
go, all right, well, Hillary has, okay, you got to make a smart decision either because it's really
hard. This decision is really hard because Hillary had a bunch of felonies and Trump
and then they listed all the shit that Trump did
for like a minute.
This is like a fucking, like a TV show.
I was just so fucking irresponsible, I feel.
You know what I mean?
He's supposed to try to be impartial, right?
I hope I'm being impartial.
I don't fucking like either one of them.
I just don't know how you trash one guy for fucking 90 goddamn seconds, and then you just, and all you say about the other person is just their felonies.
Why don't you just talk about the felonies that were brought up, that the charges of those things. You could talk about that for fucking 19 hours.
Oh no, she has a blue bra, so therefore she must be a saint.
brah so therefore she must be a saint.
Alright, I'm off my fucking soapbox here. Good luck to you guys.
I really mean that.
Good luck to you, man.
I hope somehow we come out of this,
we somehow pick the fucking lesser of two fucking evils,
whatever that is.
And I hope everybody reads and rereads all the propositions
and all the shit that's attached to them.
I plan on fucking doing that, um, for the first time ever.
I'm actually going to be an informed fucking voter when it comes to that shit because I
don't think there's any winning at the presidential level.
No, Jesus Christ.
Anyways, whoever wins, it's going to be a rough four years of speeches before the next
one. I mean, neither one of them are a good public speaker.
Holy shit.
I mean, Trump just goes out there and wings it.
Like Trump, when Trump gives a speech, he sounds like he's waiting for the headliner.
He's like stretching, waiting for the headliner to show up, keeps looking at the back of the
room and they're still making that stretch.
See, he's not here yet.
They said he's on his way.
Do another 10.
And then Hillary with that whole bobblehead fucking thing that she does.
I haven't seen anybody so outside their own fucking body since Al Gore.
Remember Al Gore when he was fucking, I'll never forget he was doing a debate with George
Bush and George Bush makes a point and then for whatever reason Al Gore stood up
walked all the way over to George Bush and just goes my turn in his ear and Bush does like a
double take like dude what the fuck sort of a natural reaction to this guy coming out and I
mean he could literally feel his fucking breath in his ear he fucking did this double take looking
at him and the whole crowd laughed at Al Gore and then Al
Gore just threw his head back and for whatever reason started laughing just goes ho ho ho
ho ho and I'm like what are you laughing at like what the fuck are you doing like he was
uh yeah that guy that you know what that guy that guy read about his critics too much like
the first time they were like,
he wasn't animated enough.
And the next time he went out there,
he was doing like this Fosse shit.
Jesus, he redefined fucking Flops.
What that guy.
All right, let's get out of politics.
I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking anyways.
Talking about here.
Let's do a little bit of advertising.
20 minutes into the podcast there.
All right, Indochino, Indochino. Indochino. All righty.
Um, okay, well I did something a little weird this week, right? What did I do here?
I fucking, I tried to be slick here and what I did was I copy and pasted only
three of the reads, three of the six, so then I could immediately go into the
questions. But then, you know, I also wanted other shit
that I wanted to talk about,
and it's all the way up here at the top.
See, this is the problem.
When you fuck with your daily routine,
all right, what the fuck is this?
Sorry, guys, sorry, sorry.
Just relax, relax.
It's almost done.
Okay, it's done.
All right, what else do I want to talk?
Dude, how great was the fucking Giants-Eagles game, huh?
That's always a great game.
And the same thing happens every fucking year.
The Giants go up, they go up fucking big,
and then the Eagles start coming back.
And most of the times,
the Giants just can't fucking put them away.
Today they did.
I fucking love the NFC East.
And I've watched so many Giants games because of Verzi.
I actually root for the Giants.
I shouldn't be doing that as a Pats fan.
You know?
You know what it is?
I don't have that fucking sports fan in me.
Just because we lost to the fucking Giants,
I mean, were we robbed?
No, we weren't.
The guy did it to us twice.
He's fucking great.
For me to not like Eli,
I'd have to not like Tom Brady,
because then I'm saying I don't like greatness.
Plus, one of the most interesting things to do
is to watch Eli Manning throughout the course
of a football season.
I'm telling you, this is when he starts waking up.
He's fucking bored.
It's September, October,
he stretches a little bit in November,
and then when they need to win the last six,
seven fucking games, or else they're out of the playoffs,
then he starts playing
Like a champ and they get on a fucking roll. I'm telling you this guy knows what he's doing
Where is his brother from day one was a weird protection your shoes
He went out there like a fucking lunatic from day one. I think he burned himself out by the time he got to the playoffs. I
Don't know that's just a theory god damn it. That's a delicious beer every once in a while, you know
That's just a theory. God damn it. That's a delicious beer
Every once in a while, you know
Every once in a while, you know You just take what you take a sip of a beer and it takes you back to the first time you got fucking hammered
You know, where were you the first time he got drunk? I was at Faneuil Hall in Boston
You know a stone's throw from the comedy connection where I would be performing in mere eight years later, right? I
from the Comedy Connection where I would be performing in eight years later, right?
I was drinking Michelob Lights.
So the only place I've ever been able to find
Michelob Light is in New Orleans.
And I always drink one.
Whenever I go down there, that's a tradition.
Some people go down there, they go down there
for the gumbo or the fucking Creole fucking whatever the fuck.
The music and all that shit.
I go down there, there's this store. It's right down by where the fucking choo-choo
train goes down the street there, and they sell, it's a fucking shithole.
It's down near the Harris.
It's a liquor store, and it's got all this bullshit in there, and I always buy a single,
and I just fucking walk around, listen to the music, trying to not make eye contact
with the unbelievable amount of shady fucking people
in New Orleans.
One of the most shadiest fucking,
I can honestly say that dude, like there is something,
something wrong with that city,
in a good way and in a bad way, I'm telling you.
It's fucking, I love the city, absolutely fucking love it,
but it's got some of the shadiest fucking people
I've ever seen in my life.
And I'm just not blaming the locals,
the fucking people that show up down there.
Jesus fucking Christ, I mean, Bourbon Street,
like no young people go there.
You know what I mean?
Going to Bourbon Street is like,
I don't know when it stopped being cool.
Somewhere with my generation,
but when I go on Bourbon Street,
even during the day, the fucking shit show it is,
and I just see these bloated fucking people
from my generation with the tramp stamps,
the barbed wire and tribal tattoos
going around these fucking guys
with these grandmother flabby arms man
but you know what it is dude they had kids you know so I was able to stay in
showbiz cuz you know I ain't no father so I don't know but the fucking humanity
that I see down there is just it's just not tight it's just fucking ridiculous
all right let's um let's move on here Let's talk a little bit of college football.
Fucking how about LSU, man?
What a game they gave Alabama, man.
That was not a fucking easy game.
No one in Alabama would say,
fuck me, we ain't fucking game,
I'm a realy.
That's how everybody in Northern Alabama speaks.
It's unbelievable.
When you get down near Auburn,
like all of a sudden,
people are just speaking eloquently.
You know, ladies, gentlemen,
you get to the North, man. You get north up there, you know, ladies, gentlemen, you get to the
north man.
You get north up there, you know, you start getting close to that Tennessee border.
You don't know what the fuck you're going to run into.
Okay.
Those are crazy people, right?
Like Powers booth should be in a swamp.
You know what I mean?
A little southern comfort up there, you know?
If you get down, you know, Mobile, Alabama, you know, Auburn University, those are great people.
Mobile, Alabama, I mean, how many fucking battleships
did they build, you know, in World War II?
What the fuck were they doing up in Cribbs and Tide country?
They weren't doing shit.
What were they doing up there, huh?
Fucking looking at their stills.
I'm just fucking with you.
I don't know how the fuck I ended up, Jesus Christ,
look at the fucking cheerleaders on the 49ers
I'm sorry. I got the NFL Network playing in the background. I'm watching Colin Kaepernick. Oh
He almost broke it
31 to 20 for the 1 in 6 San Francisco fucking
49ers dead down to the three and four New Orleans Saints.
These were great games this week.
You know, I gotta tell you, this is how my weekend goes.
I always watch the fucking Patriots, alright?
And I always watch the Vern Lundquist-Gary Danielson game, college football.
And then I always watch the Joe Buck-Troy Aikman game, plus the Patriots.
I mean, if you fucking do that that there's no way you're not gonna
like football I don't know what this bullshit is about all you know all these
people running away from the fucking game and the games change and this is a
fucking great game this game right here 31 to 20 right it's nine minutes fucking
left Kaepernick's driving him down the field, oh, he gets away, I fucking hate, drop the fucking ball!
Jesus Christ, 88, what are you doing?
He's got on a breathe right strip,
you should have a fucking catch right strip there.
Hits you right in your fucking hands, you asshole.
921 to go in the third, if anybody's taping the game.
Calling Kaepernick, somehow get the afro underneath the fucking the fucking helmet. Look at this duck hunter
looking at the plays. This guy looks confused. All right they're lining up for
the play. All right underneath center Colin. 34, fucking 98. Yeah, yeah, fucking
Bravo. 72 is the mic. 72 is the mic and he's offside
They walked away they walked away, what are they doing?
Yeah, Jesus Christ. I thought something exciting was gonna happen. You don't need to look for that. All right, here we go
I
Barely been watching my Bruins I know we beat Tampa Bay then we lost to the fucking Rangers, which I think they've already beaten this twice this year
And I know Tampa Bay has a legitimate shot to get
to the Stanley Cup I don't know where the Rangers are at but I just feel like
we're another middle-of-the-road kind of team but uh well my kitchen is done my
kitchen is done and I can get back to my fucking house where I have I have all
the sports packages people I got the NBA fucking hardcore, whatever the fuck they call it.
I got the NHL center ice.
I got NFL Sunday ticket.
I watch the Formula One.
This is what the fuck I do.
I have no life.
I watch all of this shit.
I watch college football.
And for whatever reason, my wife leaves me alone
and lets me do it, which is probably why I married her.
That's the deal. If you want to know if you're
with the right woman, order all the sports packages
and just see how she fucking handles that.
I got to tell you, she's had some people over this week,
right, some of her relatives and shit,
and like it's all women, all fucking ladies, right,
and they're in there watching this Kardashian shit.
So I walk in, there's one TV in the house,
and I go, okay, I'm going to be on my best fucking behavior.
I lasted like, I think I lasted three minutes.
I was, they were watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians,
and I was literally watching two of them
driving on the 405 freeway, talking about nothing.
Like the bearded guys going, oh my God,
look at that lady, there's a lady in the car next to her, she's got, she has on a fucking mask, what the fuck's with her? And then the other guy's going, oh my God, look at that lady. There's a lady in the car next to him.
She has on a fucking mask.
What the fuck's with her?
And then the other girl's like, I want to get some yogurt.
Let's get some frozen yogurt.
I'm sick.
Why are you watching this?
And they're like riveted.
They cannot get enough of it.
You know?
Meanwhile, I'm like three episodes behind.
I'm still still on episode two
of Westworld. You know? I've been watching Westworld and I've been watching Atlanta,
who Chris Rock said that's the best show on TV. Right? I think he's a little biased, you know?
I think he's a little fucking light-skinned like me. He'd also like fucking Westworld,
but they're both phenomenal. Phenomenal fucking shows. Highly recommend both of them, the way they're shot.
I mean, Atlanta looks like a fucking,
looks like an award-winning movie every single episode,
right, just some of the shots that they get.
The writing's unbelievable.
And Westworld is just a whole other level for me,
so I gotta get caught up with all of that shit.
But enough of my ramblings.
Let's get into some of the questions here for the week that people have.
You know, I mentioned all of that topless shit, like why women want to do it or certain
women want to do it. So that's coming up again here this week. Let's see. I guess that's
not for a couple here. Gave you a little teaser there. All right. Nat Geo, Leo DiCaprio documentary. All right
Nat Geo, that's National Geographic and Leonardo DiCaprio made this great documentary about climate change
And I think you would love it. It's free on YouTube until November 6th after that probably cost a few dollars
If you'd watch it, I'd love to hear your thoughts about it on the podcast
I gotta be honest with you. I'm terrified'd watch it, I'd love to hear your thoughts about it on the podcast. I gotta be honest with you, I'm terrified to watch it.
I'm terrified to watch all of that, because that's the shit that these two fucking dopes
that are running for office should be talking about.
And they don't.
They just make fucking commercials about how the other person's an asshole.
But you know what?
I'll check it out.
I'll check it out. What if I ignore out. If I ignore it, does that mean
it's not happening? You know something? I'm going to tweet out the link here. And you
guys can watch it if you want to. I'm not trying to be that guy forcing politics down
your fucking throat or trying to ruin your fucking avocado and toast sandwich there.
But if you want to watch it, check it out. All right, who is buying million dollar condos in LA?
This is what I asked out here,
because there is this massive amount
of building going on here.
To buy an apartment out, building out here,
is just so fucking high, it's ridiculous.
Anybody with half a fucking brain is not buying right now,
because it's all going to fucking crash.
This happens every fucking, it's like a three, four, five year cycle, every it's all going to fucking crash. This happens every fucking,
it's like a three, four, five year cycle,
every fucking time.
You can't lose, there's no way to lose.
You can't fucking lose.
One day you wake up, right there, Fred, you lost.
Go fuck yourself.
And then the smart people then swoop in,
and as you're crying with your pockets turned inside out,
they come in and actually pay less than what you paid and
less than the market value. Those are the guys that fucking win. So here we go. Bill, the Chinese
and other foreign investors are buying up expensive real estate in major US markets because our currency
is more stable than their homelands. Oh, okay. May or may not be another bubble, but definitely makes it so regular
folk have a hard time finding a place to live. Just type Chinese buying into Google and see
what it auto fills. Go Eagles. Well, I'm sorry about you Eagles. They did play a great game
though. Um, dude, how scary is fucking spurls? Oh my God. I'm so glad that guy's not in my
fucking division.
He almost took, did he take another one back?
Or he almost took one back.
That's right, they knocked him out of like the 15 yard line.
He does that every fucking year to the Giants.
It seems anyways.
Um, all right, well here's my question.
If that's like a safe thing to do,
like say the dollar was crashing
and all of a sudden I started buying shit in France,
I wouldn't overpay for it or maybe they're crashing so quick they don't give a fuck that
they overpay for it.
Alright Chinese, Chinese uh first thing that comes up is food hang on a second what was
I supposed to look up?
Chinese buying alright here we go buying. Alright, here we go. Buying.
USEUs say no to China buying the world.
Are they buying the world?
China's Dalian Wanda Group buys Dick Clark Productions for one billion.
Now what the f- that's re- what the fuck is going on there?
There wasn't an American Chinese guy who could have done it?
I'll tell you, we gotta keep Dick Clark's stuff on this side of the border, and if elected.
I don't even know what the guy owns.
Wealthy Chinese buyers are growing a- are growing force in US real estate.
Alright, this one seems a little bit- okay, this is the Washington Post.
This seems a little more tethered here to the ground here.
After a long and painful slide
following the real estate collapse in 2008,
Seattle's property market is enjoying
one of the sharpest rises anywhere in the US.
Buoyed by a rapidly expanding economy
that has brought tens of thousands
of high paying jobs to the city.
Real estate values have nearly doubled since 2009,
according to online real estate database Zill doubled since 2009, according to OnLight real
estate database Zillow. Oh, is that really credible? Zillow is not credible, by the way,
because I see what they say what my house is worth and what the fuck I paid for it.
It's not even, they're not right. All right. Yeah. Well, technology billionaires gobbles
up real estate from Puget Sound to Lake Washington, Jim Conlin, a real
estate broker, says the real estate catalyst for the sites for the dramatic upswing can
be found in China.
To be honest, Chinese buyers have been flooding this market for the past few years.
Some of them buy homes sight unseen, while others travel here for a kind of real estate tourism and buy real estate after only one viewing.
Oh, all right. Well, is that bad? Why would that be bad? Like, what exactly could happen if they're buying it all up? I guess that's driving the price up.
if they're buying it all up. I guess that's driving the price up. You know, the banks did it in 2008. At least these fucking people have money. You know, it's not like back in
the day where you made $40 working in a soup kitchen and they go, hey, you want to buy
a fucking house for 400 grand? You qualify. Do I? Yes, sign here. So that's better than the last thing. All right. Well, maybe it isn't a bubble. All I know is I can't compete with these cunts
so my dream of buying a
apartment building in LA is rapidly diminishing. I got an idea. How about, hey, one of you
people, you know, can I invest with you? Can I take, uh, can I take 15% of the fucking risk?
I'll do that.
Come on, one of you fuckers has got to be listening
to this on your Chinese internet.
Are you allowed to do it?
Somebody in Hong Kong?
I've been out there, I did a fucking show.
Where was ya?
All right, Indigo Girls.
All right, hey Bill, so when I was growing up,
my mom really loved the Indigo Girls.
So did I.
I went to the doctor, I did something fucking else.
Alright, and she wrote in parentheses,
no, she wasn't a lesbian.
What does that have to do with this?
Are they lesbians?
I assume, I don't know why I thought if they were.
You know, I don't know if it was the Woodstock fucking,
from Peanuts haircut, you know,
that a lot of them favor.
I don't know.
It's really funny how different groups of people,
they just favor a haircut, like Rednecks just love the mullet. You know what I mean?
Boston Psychos for a while the big thing was to shave like to have no sideburn
and just have the straight line you know right right above your ear. Then went to
the back to some sort of rat tail. You know those people with their fucking
shell-toed Adidas and their clatterings, dude.
So anyway, so probably the first five concerts I went to
were Indigo Girls.
I specifically remember calling in through,
oh, 107.3, WAAF, I remember that, WAAF.
Oh, Kick Ass Rock and Roll was WCOZ.
WAAF was out in Worcester.
They used to go, Worcester, Boston.
It's just like, well, what is it? And they would be like, oh, it in Worcester. They used to go, Worcester, Boston. It's just like, well, what is it?
And they would go, oh, it's Worcester.
In Boston, fuckin' Massachusetts.
They were actually out in Worcester,
if I remember correctly.
Fuckin' Boston, Massachusetts, kid.
And asking a DJ for tickets to something
because I had only ever seen the Indigo Girls,
and he asked if we had a 12 inch sausage in the freezer.
I didn't get it at the time.
I still really like them but I don't listen to folk rock that much more anymore.
Can you believe how just openly like homophobic and crazy people could be back in the day?
That Indigo Girls singing from the podcast
had me belly laughing at my fucking desk at work
to the point where people were giving me dirty look.
Fucking Christ, thank you man.
Seriously, that was the best.
Yeah, Indigo Girls are great.
That's the only one song that I knew.
Closer, closer I am to find. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that song.
Alright, feminist fan, get the fuck out of here.
Hey Bill, I'm a huge fan and a big old feminist.
Alright, welcome. How are you?
My husband played me your epidemic of gold digging whores bit on our third date
and I went from hating you to almost pissing myself laughing
in three seconds.
I would love to know what bit I did that made you hate me or did you just look at me, which
I understand.
She said, I've been a devoted fan and a podcast listener ever since.
Probably once a month I'll write a very heartfelt and sincere email to you about something you've
said but then you make an endearing comment like, uh, then you make an endearing comment like,
then you make an endearing comment like, what the fuck do I know, I'm a moron.
And I realized that I'm also a moron,
and you're a comedian, and I shouldn't take things
so seriously, so I delete the email and move on.
Yeah, you know, it's called being an adult.
Me knowing that I'm a fucking dope,
and then you realizing that I admitted that I was a dope, so then you don't have to be all fucking taking shit seriously.
Was that to intellectual people with all the F words in there?
She said, but with this election, I still feel I have to write in.
Oh, you sock peddling son of a bitch.
You just waltzed me around the worm.
Rome, you got me all warm and fuzzy now here comes the fucking
Right up the fucking yet. I gay comes the uppercut
But with this election stuff, I feel like I have to write in
Okay, I totally get where you're coming from on how corrupt the Clintons are. This is what every Clinton support. I get it
She's the devil having said that now, now I'm going to talk 50
minutes about how fucked up Trump is. They're both fucking horrific. Anyways, she goes,
and she goes, okay, all right, let me start. Let me at least give her the chance to fucking
say her opinion here before I fucking jump back up on my pasty soap box here. She said,
I totally get where you're coming from and how corrupt the Clintons are and how fucked
up the whole system is and that the Illuminati is probably pulling the strings either way.
Uh, Bono, well, I'm fucking around when I say that. I just think people are...
They get a little nuts when they get a lot of power.
Anyways, but on major things you seem to care about, like the environment and corporate influence on politics,
Trump is on the opposite side of the spectrum for you, as is Hillary Clinton.
As is Obama. What the fuck did Obama ever do? on the opposite side of the spectrum for you, as is Hillary Clinton,
as is Obama. What the fuck did Obama ever do?
What if Democrats or Republicans,
they don't do fucking shit.
They don't do anything about any of that fucking,
any of this shit that's going on out there.
They don't do anything
because they need all of their fucking money.
So stop with this fucking,
they wearing light blue and they care about the butterflies.
Hillary Clinton doesn't give a flying fuck about anything.
But what other next price of zillion dollar real estate
she could park her fucking corrupt twat on?
Oh, that felt good, right?
If that orange-wigged cunt doesn't get there first.
Whew, okay.
It's like Clinton is a mechanic
that's been working on your car for years and the car runs,
but there's always some issue with it.
And even though she'll throw in a free air freshener now and then, she's always pulling
shit like getting you to replace your shocks you need to.
I don't know anything about cars, so I'm hoping this analogy makes sense.
I'm trying to relate to you.
So you're like, fuck it.
I'm not going with Clinton anymore.
Um, I think I kind of get what you're saying there, but you're really oversimplifying this, as does everybody when they're defending the person that they're going to vote for.
I just want you as a fucking human being to just say that Hillary Clinton, you know, is a horrific
choice, the same way Trump is, that they're're fucking horrific choices no matter how you slice
it you know. The best thing you can say about Clinton is she's not Trump right? And the best
thing you say about Trump at least she's not Clinton I mean to be honest with you they're
fucking they're animals. Sorry. But then Trump is some dude on your block who has three rusted out
cards in his backyard. No he isn't.
He's constantly defaulting on debt.
No he doesn't.
And none of his neighbors have anything nice to say about him.
He went bankrupt like three, four times.
He took advantage of the bankruptcy laws, which is totally fucking legal.
He's always talking about every professional mechanic is a swindling asshole.
I'll give you that.
And he tells you to leave your car with him.
All right, but you know what you're leaving out of all of this is that your
Hillary Clinton acts like she gives a shit about you as do all Democrats
They act like they give a fuck most of them don't
Most of them are no different than the Republicans and that's not even because they're bad fucking people
It's because they're all grossly under fucking paid
Alright, and most of, their careers die way before
they ever even make it into the Senate.
In the Senate, you only make a couple hundred grand a year.
Now what the fuck are you gonna do?
So what they do is, is they take all these people's money,
okay?
They get themselves elected,
and then after they're fucking out of office,
and while they're in office,
they hook up whatever fucking in the private sector
investments they have.
I forget what the percentages are like for senators.
They make a couple hundred grand a year.
They're all multi-fucking millionaires.
They're all corrupt pieces.
I just can't buy into this fantasy
that these Democrats give a fuck,
at least not these two.
I believe that Obama cares more about the average individual
than Donald Trump, without a doubt, and Hillary Clinton.
She doesn't give a shit.
Oh, she doesn't give a fuck.
All right, whatever, let's read the rest of this.
And it tells, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So I get why you wouldn't like Clinton,
and I agree we liberals can be self-righteous and annoying,
okay, and I think you're just baiting us
with the Clinton-Trump equivalency stuff, but I love you.
Well no, that's you because you're so into Clinton.
I fucking hate Hillary Clinton.
You know?
And if everything Clinton, Trump did,
if you just took out the racism,
I wouldn't think he was as bad as Clinton.
But the fact that he's racist, you know, and just attracts those fucking people is, that's
the big rub.
That's the only thing.
But I am not snowed on any level by slick Willy or this fucking idiot.
I really do not like them.
So I'm not just doing this.
Anyways, she said, I love you, Bill, and I love America America and I don't have a helicopter to escape if Trump is elected. Well, you'd need one too if Hillary is
like, Hillary's just gonna, do you like the direction the country's going in because she
is gonna be more of the same. She's gonna be more of the fucking same. Whatever, what the fuck do
I know? Whatever, vote for whoever the fuck you want to vote for, but please don't try to fucking...
Anyways, love you lots, please vote for Hillary, you knuckle dragging troglodyte?
I don't even know what that means.
Um, yeah, I don't know.
I think like, the level of panic that people have if Trump is elected, I get that, but
I just wish there was the same amount of panic that then it's gonna be Hillary.
You know what I mean? I mean, neither one of them have talked about global warming. Neither one of them
talked about the population problem. They haven't even addressed the heroin epidemic in this country,
created allegedly by the pharmaceutical companies. None of them talked about that shit. They don't
give a fuck. They ain't gonna do shit, they're just gonna keep making sure
whoever, whichever one of them makes it into the presidency,
all you think is gonna change is that whoever wins
is then gonna become even more wealthy.
Cause Trump's just gonna green light any fucking golf course
or some bullshit he wants to do, right?
I don't know.
I'm so in over my head with this politics shit,
but I also, you know, one of the things
about being a standup comedian and traveling, you get to know people and you know when people
are fucking assholes, okay?
You know?
And these two, you know, I don't, I don't know.
I just, this is a whole other level.
This is a whole other fucking level.
All right.
I really feel like I fucking annoyed the shit out of all you guys.
Just keep going.
Okay. We get it, Bill. We get it.
Alright, here we go.
Dollar Shave Club.
Oh, let's do a little advertising here.
I'll blow through these and I got a few more questions.
I swear to God they won't be political.
I really feel like I'm starting to be like Lenny Bruce, like reading the fuck.
But I don't even have a legal pad or any facts in front of me.
People vote who you want to fucking vote for.
Alright, just do that.
Okay? And then I'll shut the fuck up. I won't. I'll probably be making jokes about it on Clinton. On uh,
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Hey all you Hillary supporters. Where the fuck were you when fucking Bernie Sanders were around you guys all fucking pussied out
And you just got another fucking corrupt fucking cunt in there
And I would say cunt too if it was a guy so get you fucking tits in a fucking don't get your tits in a bunch now
All right, yoga lunatic maniac
Dear old Billy red tits did you happen to catch the latest episodes of HBO's Real Sports
with Brian Gumbel?
No, I didn't.
I normally don't watch on a regular basis, but felt compelled to check it out after hearing
about this yoga guy on the Howard Stern Show.
Apparently this nutjob is the founder slash creator of Bikram Yoga, named after himself,
which is done all over the world
and seems like it's got a crazy cult following.
Basically, people travel all over the world
and spend over $10,000 to take his classes
because they believe he is some sort of spiritual leader.
Now allegations are coming out against him
that he's sexually abused a bunch of his students
and made all sorts of derogatory remarks.
People cannot handle positions of power.
You know?
You can't have this guy, everybody listening to what he's saying and a bunch of people
bending over in front of him.
He's going to take his dick out.
I mean, how did you not see that coming?
Anyways, he told Andrea Kramer, who conducted the interview, why would I have to harass
women?
People spend $1 million for a drop of my sperm.
He said that?
Holy shit. That's some of the greatest shit talk ever.
If that's fucking true.
Ha ha, what did she say?
He said, why would I have to harass women?
People spend $1 million for a drop of my sperm.
Oh my God, did he fucking drop his lapel mic and walk off the set?
And when asked about whether he harassed a particular woman, he said, of course not.
I would never even piss on her face.
She's a psychopath.
This is a yoga instructor?
This guy sounds like an assistant coach.
He also said, it sounds like a gym teacher,
he also said he's a million times smarter than any doctor
and that every doctor in the world comes to him.
Yeah, this guy sounds like Donald Trump
if he fucking ran a yoga class.
Donald Trump's gotta put this guy on his ticket.
I grab the pussies, he pisses in their face.
Trump Bickrum 2017.
This guy seems like he's a little out of his tree.
Just wanted to hear what old Freckles has to say about this.
I posted some links to the story slash video below.
Oh, it's on the Huffington Post.
I don't go to that website.
Those guys are fucking weird, man.
They always act like they're this really like big like like credible news source and then if you just look at the
shit they have you know top 10 fucking celebrity nose jobs in the corner. Um thanks and go fuck
yourself. I'll look for those links. I'm not going to that website though. Um Jesus Christ, what a fucking lunatic.
I gotta see that, man.
Great interview, huh?
As far as like, you know, he's gonna give you the quotes.
And as much as people at Bryant Gumbel's Real Sports were appalled,
they were secretly high-fiving each other for the fucking ratings that that was gonna get.
He said, I gotta go back, what the fuck these,
why do I have to harass women?
People spend one million dollars for a drop of my sperm.
Yeah, that's what happens when people fly around
the fucking world to come to your yoga class.
People go crazy, they can't fucking handle it.
Girlfriend of seven years dumped me.
Hey Bill, my girlfriend of seven years dumped me two months after she moved to Connecticut for graduate school
She didn't use those exact words
But she told me she told me she needed time to think because something is missing in our relationship
And she needs time to figure out what it is. Well, dude, you've been with it for fucking seven years, man. I
Mean, who am I to talk? I was with Nia for nine years before we got married,
but we were on the same page as we were both terrified
to fucking make that leap.
Anyways, I'm not a mind reader,
but if someone has been with you for seven years
and they need the time to think about
whether they still want to be with you,
that's not a good sign.
Yes, your instincts are correct, I would say.
Since I had this conversation with her,
I have been absolutely devastated and depressed. I'm ashamed to admit this, but the other night
I found myself on my bedroom floor crying in the fetal position. Well, that's totally normal.
And it's also, it's a healthy thing to do. Cry it out of you. Don't drink it out of you or fucking
jump off a balcony. Those are dumb shit that men do
All right women get down on the floor cry in the fetal position
I think that's why they live longer if it was socially acceptable for us to do it
So please continue doing that. It's a valid human emotion that both men and women have that men fight
Yeah, fucking cry it out of you
Good for you very mature thing to do.
You should not feel ashamed at all.
He said, I understand that time heals all wounds,
but I have no idea how to start the process
of getting over this.
Do what you're doing.
Cry it out of you and then call your best friend
and just say, listen, dude, I'm embarrassed to say this,
but I'm fucking devastated.
I'm over here crying like a little girl.
I gotta get me out of the house, man.
Take me for a fucking walk like a dog.
Just, can I get some fresh air?
Anyways, he said to keep my mind off her,
I try to stay busy by going to the gym
and focusing on hobbies,
but I can't seem to shake this miserable feeling.
How would you handle this situation if you were in my shoes?
I would accept the fact that it's going to hurt, okay?
And that you're not going to be able to just go to the gym
and take a pottery class and forget a woman
that you loved for seven years.
What you have to do is understand
that it's going to hurt for a while.
And you have to, rather than run from the pain,
sit in it, cry your way through it,
and then go to the fucking gym.
And, you know, the crying thing's going to last
for a little while.
And once you get through that, then just try,
you know, even during the crying time,
I try to do, I'm going to do something positive today.
I'm going to do the dishes.
You know?
Just do little things that are on a list, you know?
And then while you're doing that,
just start making a list of how you want to come out of this.
Do you want to come out of this shit?
This shit.
Yeah, literally this shit.
20 pounds heavier?
Or do you want to come out like 10 pounds lighter?
Because you've been going to the gym
You know do you want to come out of this hating women or hopeful that you that you you know you're with the wrong person and
You haven't you have a whole new opportunity to meet somebody great. You know you didn't have any kids you weren't married
It's a fucking nice clean breakup
You know married, it's a fucking nice clean breakup, you know?
You can totally rebuild your fucking life
where you can have the greatest fucking life ever.
And then one day you're gonna run into her,
she's gonna see how fucking happy you are,
and it's the fucking moment that you're gonna want
to be like, yeah, huh, you see that, I'm happy,
look at me and my car and my family.
And you know what, if you're truly truly happy you're not gonna have that hey
Fuck you think to her you're gonna be like hey. How are you? I hope you're happy
You know and in your head you be the greatest thing that ever happened is you fucking left me because now you dude you're older
You're wiser you're going through this fucking thing now. You're gonna really figure out what you like
I'm telling you this will end up being the greatest thing that happened to you
But the thing is you gotta you can't be a guy here
and try to fucking block out the pain.
You gotta fucking just sit in it.
You know?
Just fucking go through all of your shit
that you bought together that makes you cry
and all that shit.
Cry, put it on Craigslist, get it the fuck outta there.
You know?
Get through all of that
or then maybe just get rid of the shit that she got you.
Move to a new fucking place, just fucking start over.
And then when you meet broads in a fucking bar,
you just tell them, what's going on with you?
Just got out of this seven year thing,
it was fucking devastating, but I'm totally hopeful.
You know, I want to meet somebody great
and they're always like, oh my God, that's nice.
They're attracted to it. Next thing you know, I want to meet somebody great, and they're always like, oh my god, that's nice. They're attracted to it.
Next thing you know, you're drinking IPAs, you're getting fucking blowjobs with women
you're not in a relationship with.
Look at that, the clouds are partying.
All right?
All of that shit is in your future, but you got to go through the fucking pain first.
All right?
That's it.
If you were a car, you're a fucking barn find right now.
They haven't even fucking sprayed you off and got the rat shit out of you.
You just gotta deal with that right now.
But the best thing you can do is not bury this shit.
The reason why women do so well is because they're allowed to cry.
They can cry in front of their fucking friends.
They can talk this shit out and they can get past it.
We don't.
We fucking carry it and carry it and carry it and it affects other relationships if you truly
Want to fucking get past this thing you got to go through the pain of it. That's what the fucking eye
That's what I learned
All the fucking times I got dumped. All right. Good luck to you, sir. Go fuck yourselves to the rest of you
I'll check in on you on Thursday
That is it and good luck with the
voting everybody. May the best piece of shit win.
What's up everybody. Welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL edition for week number
eight with your hosts me Paul Verzi over here, Bill Burr over there.
He's actually gonna have his picks recorded this week.
He talked about them, he made his picks
and you will see that, but Bill is hosting SNL this week.
So he will not be on the whole show,
but don't you people worry because we have the picks,
we have the records, we got Jake the snake with the injury reports.
We got Andrew them list the Beverly Hills kid, the Greek freak out there doing what
he does running the show beautifully.
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Guys, what can I say?
I don't want to boast.
I don't want to brag.
But the kid came, the kid crawled out of a big hole.
Now I'm not saying anything because there's a lot of season to be played.
Is there a chance I don't beat the book for the fourth straight year?
There is a chance. But the kid was down eight early.
We had to have a players meeting and do all that stuff.
And right now I went three and one again.
I think my record in October, obviously there were no losses in October
as far as going under 500 or under a week.
But I think I am now sitting at 19 and 17 going into this week's picks.
This week, there's a lot of interesting games, but of course, before we get into
that, we have to bring in the anything better injury report analyst, Jake, the
snake from a disclosed area in, uh, nobody knows actually. We don't know where I guess
I'm thinking it might be middle of the country or West coast. Nobody really knows where Jake
is because he's working on this all week. Jake, what do we got? What injuries are we
looking at this week, bud? Well, the big injury for sure is a Jack Prescott just is going
to be out for four to six weeks. So we won't be seeing him maybe for the rest of the season
at this point
because it looks like the Cowboys could be done and I was just looking at CD Lam. He, let's see
he practiced. He practiced yesterday so he may be back out there and then for the Eagles since they
play the Cowboys AJ Brown got injured against the Jaguars last week, but he's back at practice. So he might be back out there.
For tonight, the Bengals, looks like T Higgins is out again.
So that's another big injury for the Bengals.
And then just figured out this morning
that Trevor Lawrence will unlikely be playing
against the Vikings this week.
So that number has shifted substantially.
So those are kind of the big ones. We can
get to some others as this goes on.
So Trevor Lawrence is out for how long?
Unclear. The reports says that he's unlikely to play this week. It looks like it must be
a new injury he got against the Eagles last week.
Jake, that's why you're the best in the business, buddy. That's why you're the best in the business.
ESPN. ESPN is foaming at the mouth to get you,
but we're not letting you go.
All right, Andrew, can I bring you in here for a second?
I wanna talk to you, the Greek freak.
You guys are gonna be hearing from,
you guys are gonna be hearing from Bill Burr
and his picks today.
He put in his picks and these are the up-to-date lines.
Andrew, these lines, these lines are all over the place
this week, but let's talk about everybody's record.
Can we talk about everybody's record?
Because what, guys, what you guys don't know is
even though me and Bill, even though it's mine
and Bill's pick show, so to speak, Andrew Themless
and Jake the Snake do their picks.
And I believe I went three and one making my record in 19 and 17 for the year. Then
we have...
Bill's at 14 and 22.
Bill's at 14 and 22. So he's six games back. twenty two. Bills at fourteen
and twenty two so he's six
games back. I'm at a year at
nineteen and seventeen okay.
Don't man yeah don't ask
Andrew going for no last week
down there I don't know talk
about. Look do look at you guys Andrew for, four and O, giving him a 20,
giving him 20 wins for the year so far.
And then look at Jake the Snake.
Jake the Snake, 16 and 20.
Yeah, I started off really bad
in the beginning of the year, but I'm coming back.
I'm coming back.
Well, I think what it is is we kind of know-
Jake had a couple O and fours and one and threes.
Yeah.
Listen, I opened one and threes. Yeah. Listen, I opened one and oh and
four. Yeah, my first three weeks, my first three weeks of this season was oh and four, one and
three, one and three. That's how I went into week number four. But you know what, everybody, you keep
your head down and you fuck it. You get back in the game, you pick yourself up off the ground.
I am gonna go Thursday night.
That's right, I'm gonna go Thursday night.
In a few hours actually.
I am going to take the Cincinnati Bengals
getting six points in Baltimore.
I think Cincinnati kinda hit a stride.
I think if their season is going to stay alive,
I don't necessarily know if they win this game,
but I think this game is gonna be a fight.
I think a lot of people think the Ravens
are gonna just take it by a touchdown or more.
I don't, I think Joe Burrow and them
are going down for business.
And I think that they are going to definitely have those six points.
I definitely think that the six points will cover.
So I will take Joe Burrow and the semi-surging Cincinnati Bengals getting six points.
Hey, what's up everybody? Bill Burr.
Busy this week, so I got to do him quick. I'm gonna take the Ravens lay in I think
six against the Bengals. I like the uh who else did I like the the Buccaneers getting six against
the 49ers at home and I like the Vikings whoever the hell they're playing and I like the Vikings, whoever the hell they're playing.
And I like the Lions.
Those are my picks. I'm swinging in the dark here.
I've been traveling and then I've been rehearsing.
So I don't even know what's going on.
This is my housewife picks of the week.
All right, this is it.
We're about to go underground and I'm going to lose you.
All right, those are my picks.
Paul, if we have any overlap, but there was something you really wanted,
I tried to stay away from the teams that you like. Although I did take the Lions,
I know you like them every week. So if we got to do a little trade here, I'm okay with that. All right?
Next week, it'll be back to normal. Okay.
All right. Oh, we got a little head-to-head and we got a little head-to-head on the first game of the week,
which is tonight, which is awesome.
Six points, that should be fun.
All right, now for my second pick,
this is another game that I think is going to be close.
I think this is going to be a fight.
I know the Detroit Lions are probably,
I would say, either the first or second best team
in the league.
I think you'd have to say that the Lions and
the Kansas City Chiefs are pretty much, by the way, the Kansas City Chiefs.
If you don't blow them out, you're just not gonna beat them.
If you're in a tight game with them in the fourth quarter,
they're just some way somehow.
And as much as I hate to say this, that's what championship teams do.
And the Deandre Hopkins edition is like if fit like a glove already to
touchdowns do the king in order to beat the Kansas City Chiefs.
You have to beat the shit out of the Kansas City Chiefs to have a shot.
So I really do think it's them and the Lions in a collision course right now.
But another team that I thought could go to the Super Bowl, and
they were my Super Bowl pick, I believe, is the Texans.
And it's a three and a half point line.
I can see the Lions winning this game on the road by a field goal.
But I like the half a point and I could see the Texans fighting this.
So I'm going to take the Texans. Wait, is CJ Stroud healthy? He's okay?
So CJ Stroud's healthy, but the big news is Will Nico Collins, his number one receiver return.
He's been on IR the last four weeks, but they're saying that he could return this week,
but they're not sure yet. And then their top defensive guy, Will Anderson, those are the two kind
of injuries to look out for. But CJ's will be out there. And that's gonna be one of my
picks too.
Yeah, I think Nico Collins, I think Nico Collins is gonna come back. Is that a Monday night
game? Or is that Sunday?
Sunday night game is the prime time.
Sunday night game, Sunday night game. It gives
Nico Collins more time. Obviously, I'm going to take this assuming he's coming back, but they're
saying it's likely I'm going to take the Houston Texans at home three and a half against the on
fire Lions team. But I like to have a point. So give me that in Houston. Oh look at this this might be this might be the first time
in the history of the Anything Better podcast NFL edition that me and Bill have gone head to head
on not one but two games he's going Lions all right I like that I like that fun we're gonna
have a lot of fun with that like I said that one is that I really took, if I'm being honest with people listening and following my picks, it's the half a point that I like in this, in this, in this pick.
Okay, for my third pick for week number 10, this is where things get tricky.
This is where I don't love, this is where lines are kind of perfect.
I think the eight and a half with the Chiefs is perfect,
but I'm gonna do something here.
I didn't think I was gonna do
because this is against another team
that's doing very well in the Washington commanders.
I'm gonna take the Pittsburgh Steelers
getting points on the road.
I just think that the Steelers are just having that,
they're the Steelers, man.
Games they're supposed to lose, they win.
They're always 500 or better around this time.
They're always in games.
The Steelers are used-
It's Russell Wilson, right?
It's still gonna be Russell Wilson again this week.
Russell Wilson is not playing bad.
He kinda got the, like he kinda solidified the job
and the Steelers have a good defensive
line.
They're well coached.
I'm just going to take the Steelers get any look anytime I see the Steelers getting points
against.
I mean, I know he's a great quarterback, Jaden Daniels, but he's a rookie quarterback and
he's going against a good defensive line in the NFL and that defensive line is getting
points.
That's why I will take the Pittsburgh Steelers with my third pick of the week.
I think it's a smart pick. And the Steelers also traded from Mike Williams. We'll see
if he plays this week.
They what? The Steelers what?
They traded from Mike Williams this week.
From the Jets?
Yep. The trade deadline was Tuesday, I believe. So there are a couple of minor moves like that.
Yeah, I think that was Sunday or Monday morning.
You know, something I wanted to talk about on the show today
was I didn't talk to Bill about this yet
because we didn't talk about the NFL trade deadline.
But something I want to talk about is not only, you know,
did the Giants do nothing,
but it doesn't seem like they're really making any kind of roster
The Giants aren't doing anything which tells me something and what it tells me is I think the New York football and I'm not
mad at this but
The New York football Giants will not tank just based on their ownership and tradition and it's something that like the entire
Giants organization is against.
But I, so I don't think they're going to tank.
But I don't think that they're going to, I think they're just going to play with the personnel that they have
and see where the, you know, where the chips may fall or whatever they say, let the dust settle after that.
But I think the Giants and Cam Ward, I'm hoping Cam Ward from the Miami Hurricanes.
Again, Daniel Jones, I don't think he's horrible.
I think Daniel Jones' time has just kind of come and gone in six years between injuries,
between having happy feet because of his neck and because of the offensive line ruined him, I think.
I think that he's just, I think it might be time.
I think the Giants know it.
And I think the Giants are just gonna play
with not great personnel until the draft.
But make no mistake, if Cam Ward is in this uniform,
it's gonna be pretty, I'm gonna be excited about it.
But zero Giants moves during the trade deadline.
Yeah, it sounds like they're gonna do what the
Broncos did with Russell Wilson last year where they're just
gonna cut cut bait and just eat the rest of the salary and then
there's not a lot of teams that need quarterbacks at the at the
top of the draft. So you guys could definitely get a cam ward
or chador or whoever else is down there. Yeah. So I think
that's the right the right move at the end of the day.
I think at the end of the day, I think Daniel Jones,
I mean, nobody had his back more than me,
the same way I had Eli's back.
But I do think that this year for them to just not,
for them to, and granted the personnel around him,
but for them to just not do anything with him,
I think that Daniel Jones time, it's like one of those deals where you call him in the office
and you're like, dude, we love you. You're a good kid. Didn't work out here. You know,
you could still go on and do something else. Look at Geno Smith. Geno Smith was dead in the water
for years and years of his career. And then now he's kind of settled in as a starting quarterback
for years with Seattle. Maybe that happens to Daniel Jones.
I do think having a shitty line fucking freaked you out, freaked him out a bit.
You saw that stat about what transpired in between Daniel Jones throwing touchdowns at home.
Yeah.
Mahomes won two Super Bowls between the, the
last time because Jones threw like, I think he threw his first touchdown
last week and he threw a couple.
He threw a couple at home last week.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that was the first time he had thrown one since two chiefs Super Bowls ago.
Is that right?
No.
Yeah.
They said they won first time in like two years. He's done a that right? No. Yeah, they won. So they won. First time in like two years,
he's thrown a touchdown pass at home.
Yeah, so it was like they won two Super Bowls, yeah.
Yeah, it's just weird.
And he plays different on the road,
which is not a really good sign.
Like, I mean, it's okay,
but it's just like the fact that he's better on the road
and he's getting booed by his own fans at home
and they're waiting to heckle him.
It's just one of those deals
where it was like six years went by and
something needs to happen.
But listen, if that means we cut him loose and we have a great draft pick,
we have Malik neighbors, we have a good defense.
I think we're a piece or two away from being good.
But look, if that's wishful thinking, it is what it is.
Okay, all right, Bill picking the Bucks and Baker. Dude, the Bucks are good though.
They're like, the Bucks are in, the Bucks are in every game. I mean, I was in, I was in Toronto
watching it at the hotel bar. And like, they just went head to head with the Chiefs. And then of
course, you know, what happens with the Chiefs happens with the Chiefs, but the Bucks are a good team.
I like that pick.
All right.
I quickly, I forgot, I should have mentioned this earlier,
but Christian McCaffrey is supposed to be back
for that game.
Okay. All right.
Christian McCaffrey back minus-
Mike Evans is still out, right?
Sorry, who'd you say?
Mike Evans, he's still out, right? Sorry, who'd you say? Mike Evans. He's still out, right? Oh,
yeah, I believe so. That's a serious injury. Listen, I think the Bucs coming off a loss,
the Bucs coming off a loss, they're a good team and they're home getting six, even if the Niners
win, I kind of like his pick. Okay, now, fourth to final pick. I'm not gonna lie, I'm picking this one really on the fly.
I mean, a lot of times I pick games on the fly during the show, but this one is really like,
not a shot in the dark, but this one is... Look, oh man.
Where's he going with this one? Where's he going with this one? I'm trying to look at the worst game on the board to like pick. I'm like,
Danny, I'm like, is Paul just going to go with the Falcons?
I was thinking, I was thinking Falcons, but I'm going to take a team.
I really don't like this, this, this half a point,
but I'm going to take Jake, the snakes team.
I'm going to take the chargers to beat the shit out of the Titans.
I'm looking at a, I'm hoping it's like, I'm gonna say 31-17.
I think it starts ugly for them.
Maybe the Titans get a late field goal or a late touchdown to make it look respectable.
But the Chargers at home, Jim Harbaugh, I mean, they should win this game.
They should win this game by 14 or more, I think.
But you never know, every time you think that, you could get screwed.
Maybe that half a point kills me, seven and a half.
But I'm gonna take the Chargers.
I've taken, look, I took a lot of dogs, right?
I took the Texans was a dog.
I took the Steelers are a dog.
I took the Bengals are a dog.
So I got three dogs. I got three dogs,
which is rare for me. And I'm gonna I'm gonna go with a heavy favorite. I'm gonna go with an
over touchdown favorite. I'm gonna go with the Chargers. I always kind of like the Chargers. I
like Jim Harbaugh. And let's be honest, the Tennessee Titans haven't done anything this
year to make you go Oh, they're good. So that'll be my fourth and final pick for week number 10.
It's one of my picks too.
And you said to completely, I completely agree with you.
And yeah, the should, emphasis on should win by 14.
I feel that.
And then the seven and a half is a little scary.
You verbalized my thoughts exactly.
So I mean,
the Titans just don't even have a,
they don't even have like,
and as Jake's favorite thing to point at garbage time points
Let's point out the garbage time points no disrespect
But what Jake likes to buy I'm going to try points like anytime we're texting during the games
And I feel like that's why the Chargers are gonna win. I don't see the Titans putting up
You know getting getting that like oh they were up by 10
But then they got that field goal like I don't even really see that. The Chargers aren't that weak.
And they're coming up with a big win on the road,
which they always do well on the road, but.
Yeah, so who did they beat?
Who did they beat?
Titans beat the Patriots last week in overtime.
I look at it like this.
This is one of those games where I won't watch it,
but I hope to look at my phone when I look at scores.
And what comes to mind is just like 31 17 final and that's it.
I that's what I when I see that that's what I think.
The Chargers beat the Browns last week if that's what you're asking.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That was asking. Yeah, the Chargers.
The Patriots.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
No, I'm not I'm not really worried and who's starting quarterback for the Titans right now.
It was Mason Rudolph last week.
I imagine that's going to continue.
He's not very cool.
Yeah.
I didn't see them announce anybody else.
Yeah, Chargers defense isn't that bad, right, Jake?
Well, technically, they're number one in scoring defense.
I'm not going to say that the best defense is football,
but they played really well this year, for sure.
Dude, Bill loves the vikings.
Bill has loved Sam Darnold and the Vikings this whole season.
But you know what? No Trevor Lawrence.
We gotta point out that the line has moved, but we do all our picks.
We keep the lines as of a particular time.
Bill made his picks with the Vikings at minus four and a half.
Since Trevor Lawrence is out, as Jake pointed out before the show,
that line moved to seven.
So we have to honor the four and a half that Bill picked it at.
I like, hey, look, it is what it is.
It is what it is.
When it gets recorded, it gets recorded.
So if that benefits, great.
Sometimes it'll hurt us, and sometimes it won't. I hope it helps recorded. So if that benefits, great. Sometimes it'll hurt us and sometimes it won't. I hope it helps Bill, but he's liked the Vikings and Sam Donald the whole year.
So there you guys go. Those are Bill's picks, which are the, let's just reiterate,
can you put those up again? Bill has the Ravens, Bill has the Lions, Bill has the buccaneers, Bill has the Vikings, and I am taking the,
I am taking the Chargers.
I am taking the Bengals.
I am taking the Texans, and I am taking the Steelers.
So there you go.
Those are our picks for week number 10, everybody.
But of course, on the podcast, we have to do the Monday night special.
Did we hit the Monday night special or did we not?
We hit it?
We hit the Monday night special.
I hear Bill singing Monday night special.
I will do that.
It was bucks plus nine and then TDs from both QVs.
I wish Bill was here to sing it now, because, but you know what? Ever since Bill stopped singing the song, because I hear his voice in my head singing it.
That's why I won't sing it.
But ever since Bill stopped it and said, look, maybe it's the song we've hit,
I think three or four out of the 10 weeks this year since he hasn't sang it.
So I hope I didn't just jinx anything, but there you guys go, man.
Ride with us on it.
We hit another special this week for Monday Night Football.
It is the Miami Dolphins, the reeling,
the reeling Miami Dolphins versus the Los Angeles Rams.
It's basically, you know what I always say, it's basically a pick them.
It's basically a pick them.
It's one point.
It's a flip of a coin.
Whose uniforms do you like better?
Whose colors?
I don't know, dude.
I don't know.
The nice thing about this is you got a 50-50 shot with this line cuz it is like
a pick them cuz somebody has to win by one. Can we talk about the over-under on this game?
What is the under-over on this game? Because I always say it the opposite way.
50. Oof. That's a big number. 50. Can I just say something? Yeah. The
Dolphins did look pretty good last week like in the sense that they moved the ball, right?
I'm not saying that they're gonna play up, you know, and the Bills maybe it was a look ahead. I don't know
I mean, it's the vision they should have played maybe better but uh
Dolphins didn't look terrible. The Rams have been looking pretty good. But
Do you see anybody putting up 25 points?
Do you see both teams putting up 25 points or somebody putting up,
you know, 35 and the other team putting up 50? I just, I don't know. I don't know. I think that's a,
I think that's a no, but here's the deal. The reason why, the reason why, the reason why I think this is my opinion, why the line, I mean, why the under over is so high is because both of these teams playing good weather.
This is in Los Angeles.
I don't think weather is a factor.
I think like you said, Miami finding a way to,
and listen, this is a kind of a big game for Miami
because if Miami loses this game, it's kind of bad.
Like they're really like, I mean,
what's their record right now?
What's Miami's record? What is it? Four and four. Like they're they're really like, I mean, what's their record right now? What's Miami's record?
Four and four. I think they have four wins.
Enough. It wouldn't be four and four. It'd be closer to three wins.
Yeah, they were they three and so to two and six. Very sad. Okay, thanks, Mark.
Yeah, two and six. Four and four. Two and six means, you know, two and six means
they're going to play so desperate. They're going to call all the stops. This is flea flicker time.
This is like, you know, two needs to look, I just, the Rams are foreign for two. I mean, it's a big
game for both teams. That's what is getting healthy. Um, you know, you gotta keep up with them in the
division. That's what I'm saying.
But this is basically, this could be,
jobs could be on the line with this game.
This could be, this is a season,
if Miami ends up going there and really having a spark,
and then all of a sudden they're three and six
and go on a run, you never know.
I don't know.
But the under-over-
I think the Rams at home. The Rams at home. I don't know. But um, I think the Rams at home, the Rams at home.
I don't know. I mean, look, I'd go under,
I would go under just to test it. If you wanted to do that, we can go under.
We could do, we can do a tease, whatever you guys think. I was thinking,
you know, your record is.
Matt Stafford, two touchdown passes, Rams under.
That's where I'd put my money.
Yeah.
And look, Bill Parcell's always said something.
You know what he said?
Bill Parcell's always said,
you really are what your record is.
People always go, well, if this one thing
wouldn't have happened, but it did happen.
That's when you're like, you know, I did that with the,
you know, I did that with the Yankees and Dodgers.
Well, if they would have done, but they did do it.
They did do it.
So just because you drop a ball and you're like, yeah, if you caught it, but if
that's what you were doing all year, God, I'm still so fucking pissed about that.
Anyway.
Um, yeah, let's take the Rams.
The Rams are a better team.
I think the Rams are a better team.
They're at home.
It's basically a pick them with one point.
a better team, they're at home. It's basically a pick them with one point.
So let's do Rams, Stafford to throw to and under 50 points.
Let's hope it's like a, you know, a third, I don't know.
What, what would you say?
A 28 to 20 game and we win like that, you know,
there you go.
So yeah, let's do that.
So we'll do, we'll do Rams,
we'll do Rams, we'll do Stafford to throw to, and we'll do under 50 for the over under.
Did the Rams get rid of anybody? Did the Rams make any moves at the deadline?
No. Well, oh, they did trade one of their corners, but yeah, not really any major moves.
I think them getting Puka back and he got ejected early in that Seattle game, I think
that's in their mind their move.
Now we're getting one of our best receivers back for the stretch run here and the office
at Coupa Cup.
And look, four and four is not that bad.
If you end up winning the next two, if you end up winning the next two and you're six
and four, all of a sudden you're the talk of the second half of the season so and i've
seen that happen before um all right well there you guys have it um it's about four to one it's
about on the money on that two two touchdowns under rams it's maybe just like a little over
four to one yeah yeah i mean Depends on where you get it.
What were the odds from last week when we hit?
Do you remember that or is that too far back?
I would say because of the state that I'm in,
it doesn't allow me to properly have the exactly,
but I think we were around three to one,
two and a half, three to one on that one.
It was kind of low, a little lower because of, you know.
Three to one still wouldn't good money for the listeners,
you know?
Yeah, it's all good.
You gotta get excited for sure.
Listen guys, you gotta, I'm not telling you what to do.
Obviously the Anything Better podcast
tells you guys to really honestly bet responsibly
and don't go nuts.
That's why, you know, we have fun with this.
Nobody's putting like, you know,
mortgage money down on this shit.
Have a great time and be, you know, but that being said, I mean, you got to ride the hot hand. I mean, we've been
hitting these Monday night specials. I think we are one Monday night special away from our record
and it's only week 10. So I think if we hit one more Monday night special, we have the anything
better record. And yeah, and we're kind of rolling.
So, and listen, even though you guys go on me and Bill's picks, check out these guys.
These guys are doing well too.
All right, there you have it guys.
Make sure you guys download the Bet MGM app to get $1,500 in bonus bet.
You just place your first bet. You gotta put as much as $10 in the account
to get $1,500 if your bet does lose.
So if that bet loses, you'll get 1,500 in bonus bets.
And that will be done after your first wager is settled.
And don't forget the first touchdown contest,
which is really cool.
You bet on an NFL player, a prop bet,
on an NFL player in any NFL game
to score the first touchdown of the game.
And if that person does, you win.
If that person doesn't,
but they score the second touchdown, you win,
which is a great thing.
Bet responsibly.
Those are our picks.
And that's it. You guys have anything else? You guys want to add anything? What are we doing here?
Favorites went 13 and one last week. So we'll see if that trend continues. But
well, look, I'm kind of yeah, favorites won a lot last week. I was I kind of went with
the favorites this week. Paulie is opposite. I'm going three dogs and one favorite, which is not something
I usually do. So we got to see what happens with the Steelers.
There's three, there's three stay away games this week. I think personally Falcons and
Saints. I mean, the Saints, what they lost six in a row and the Falcons somehow cover
games, but the Saints need to win. So why would you touch that game? Cowboys, Eagles, I mean, the Cowboys absolutely are dog shit,
but the Eagles have not been great ATS this year.
And then the other one is, you know, I don't know.
I was going to say Chiefs Broncos.
Like, why would you touch that?
But I agree with that, Dan, but I think I'm going to,
I think I'm going to bite the cheese
and probably take the Eagles. I agree with that. But I think I'm going to like, I think I'm going to bite the cheese and probably take the equals on this.
I can see it.
What you just want to see it.
Jake wants to see it.
Love it.
Who did I pick for the Superbowl?
I think I picked the Texans and Lions.
If I'm, if I remember correctly,
I think I think I picked the Texans and Lions.
And I'll be honest with you, man.
I went with these lions. I know that, I with you, man. I went with Ravens-Lyons.
I know that, I know that,
and that's a great possibility too.
I know that it's a tall order to take out the Chiefs.
Did DeAndre Hopkins to the Chiefs?
Make no mistake, I watched that.
The fact that that guy is now a threat for them,
it's really bad for the league.
They're undefeated, correct?
The Chiefs are. Chiefs are. Chiefs, yeah, yeah. They're undefeated correct. Chiefs are. Yeah. So I mean. There's
not very hard either I mean you look at their teams they have left they have the bills and
they have us and I think they play Houston and Pittsburgh right at the end but that's
kind of it I mean it's a lot of bad teams the rest of the way so they could easily be
undefeated here by the end of this, which is...
No, I think what it's going to take is it's going to take a Texans or a Ravens or a Bengals.
I'm not counting the Bengals out just yet. I could see the Bengals getting in a wild card and all Joe Burrow needs to do,
because they kept T Higgins, they kept, they have everybody. All Joe Burrow needs to do is to get into the dance.
And then I think if he gets into the dance, he could do it.
But it's just gonna take, remember me saying this on week 10.
It's just going to have to take, and this is not a crazy prediction,
cuz obviously it's an obvious thing.
But it's gonna be one of those performances that are like, that like even
a favor ref, even a ref like giving the bet like giving the champs the benefit, it's gonna
take something so much. It's like it was it's like I don't even know how to say it. It's
just like it's gonna be so overwhelming that that that's the way that you're gonna have
to take out the team. And I think the teams that can do it are the the Texans, Ravens and Bengals.
But here's another team that could do it.
There's one other team and it's Josh Allen and the Bills.
Yeah. So I oh, shit.
Sorry. I got it.
OK, yeah.
So that's it, man.
I just think it's I think it's fun.
I do like now that we finally know kind of who teams are
Yeah, if you look at the AFC playoff picture, too
It's like there's kind of like one spot left because we assume that the Ravens
The Chiefs and the Bills are and the Texans are all gonna win the divisions
That's four spots and there's two wild card spots, which are gonna probably be Steelers and Chargers
So now that you look there's one spot left and who, who would it even be?
It's probably the Bengals and maybe the Jets.
And that's kind of the only two realistic teams I see fighting for that last spot.
So I think to your point, Paul, the Bengals are alive to make, make a
push here down the stretch.
Yeah.
I think I agree with you.
I think the Bengals and the Jets are two teams right now that you don't want to play just because it's kind of like one or two more losses for those teams is basically a kill shot.
And I Miami is I think too far behind right now. Even if Miami won two in a row, they're still like they can't they're not even gonna make the going to make the wild card. The wild card race in the AFC is tight.
You've got the Broncos who are...
They're due to fall off, in my opinion.
Yeah, they're kind of, I think they're like,
I think they're a little better than 50-50
against the spread this year.
They've won some games they probably shouldn't have,
but Bo Nix isn't as bad as,
I think he's probably better than people giving credit for.
But yeah, it's in the wild card,
you've got the Ravens and the Chargers.
Ravens six and three, Chargers five and three.
I mean, you know, that's a tight wild card race.
So Cincinnati being at four and five, I don't know.
And by the way, Paul, I had like 50 bucks on the Bengals
to win the Superbowl.
And I think like maybe like a hundred on the Bengals to win the Super Bowl and I think like maybe like 100 on the Ravens.
So I thought I was with you. I thought that they could win. I think that you know they got it like
said T Higgins, Jamar Chase, even Zach Moss. Zach Moss in the red zone is like almost automatic at
this point if they give it to him. But I don't think I just I don't know what's going on. Maybe
it's the defense. Maybe it's just Borrow not hitting targets, maybe it's coaching.
There's something that's off on them that's not doing as well as they should.
And I actually think they might even look a little bit better, to be honest, overall,
or as good as Houston, who's somehow 6-3 and underperforming.
Yeah, I mean, look, I think that in the words of John Mar, when Eli Manning got benched for that one game,
he said, I wouldn't write the obituary just yet.
I don't think the bangles are done just yet.
I really, I agree with you.
I think having Higgins and Chase and Burrow and like,
you know what happens sometimes in the NFL?
I mean, it happened with the, with the 07 Giants
or the 11 Giants where nine and seven, you know,
nine and seven just kind of barely getting in and then hitting a stride.
Sometimes a team finds out who they are and hits a stride.
And you know what, if that happens in week 13, then fucking watch out because all of
a sudden and that that's going to happen.
The the thing with the NFL is there's a pattern and that does happen.
One or two teams gets their identity late and has a playoff run and
nobody wants to play him.
It happened that first year when Henry was with the Titans.
Remember they got in and they started getting, all of a sudden you click.
So we shall see.
You know, maybe-
To your point real quick, the book
has been MGM has the Bengals minus one Oh five to make the playoffs and the Broncos
plus 200. So I mean, yeah, yeah. Um, it's funny because I filmed a, uh, I can't really
talk about it, but I filmed this thing that's going to be premiering in March and I would
have had to come home and fly right to Germany. Also, we had issues getting into the game in Germany,
also had issues with my show, all this stuff.
So I will not be going to Germany.
And then I looked at the Giants and Panthers record
and I'm like, you know what guys?
I think somebody was kind of looking out for us there.
I'm glad these things came up, but-
Can you imagine like sitting next to some guy,
like it's in Germany, right? It was in Germany. You're sitting next to some guy like, it's in Germany, right?
It was in Germany.
You're sitting next to some guy in Berlin,
and some German guy's like,
so who's the better team here?
And you're like, well, it's kind of a pick-em.
And then Paul spends a whole quarter
spending the pick-em. I pull out the phone,
and I'm like, it's essentially a pick-em,
you know, if you know what that means.
What does it pick-em?
You just spent the coin instead.
That's like a touchdown favorite. Yeah, I mean, losing thousands of dollars sit with my family in Munich when the Giants are two and six. So we'll probably end up going back to London. But, but guys, yo, yeah. So real quick, obviously, check out the great Bill Burr is hosting SNL this week, which is amazing. Watch that support that I want to thank everybody who came out to see me in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, sold out amazing. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm Watch that, support that. I want to thank everybody who came out to see me in Point Pleasant, New Jersey.
Sold out, amazing.
And if you guys want, I will be, if you want to come and see me, check me out.
I'll be at the Providence, Rhode Island Comedy Connection.
They redid the room. It's always been one of the best rooms.
They redid this place.
It looks and sounds incredible.
I will be there November It looks and sounds incredible.
I will be there November 22nd and 23rd. That is the weekend before Thanksgiving.
Tickets are going big. It looks like we're going to have, we could sell out the weekend guys.
So get those tickets. All right.
Then I'm doing the Rocket Mortgage or the Rocket Comedy Tour with Mike Young and Brett Ernst at the Addison Improv in Addison, Texas, basically the Dallas Improv on December
12th and more dates coming. We're going to San Diego next year. Check out paulvarsey.com
for those dates. Thank you guys. Bet responsibly. Enjoy the NFL week. I hope Bill wins. I hope
I win. I hope these guys win and we will see you next week for week 11. Take care everybody
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