Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-7-24

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

Bill rambles about picking teams, preachers, and legal tender. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (29:25) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 11-7-16 - Bill rambles about Christmas shopping, getting ri...d of old shit, and this god damn election. (01:30:19) - Anything Better Preview & Picks - Week 10 Zip Recruiter:  Try ZipRecruiter for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR SimpliSafe:  This week only, you can get 60% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is their best offer of the year! Head to www.SimpliSafe.com/BURR  Policy Genius:  Head to policygenius.com/BILLBURR or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour
Starting point is 00:00:38 in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.
Starting point is 00:01:02 Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in. Checking in on you. What's going on? How are ya? Oh, sorry about no Monday morning podcast this week. I'll be honest with you.
Starting point is 00:01:32 I completely forgot it was Monday. I've been running around crazy. I got a big gig this week and all of a sudden I was like, holy shit, today was Monday. I forgot to do it. And then my week got super busy or whatever. So I apologize for that. You know, there goes my streak. I don't know, how many Mondays did I do in a row?
Starting point is 00:01:53 I think I missed one back in September when I had the flu. Or whatever it was that I had. Whatever it was that I got coming back from that cave out there in Nashville. Nashville, Tennessee Can anybody explain to me how why is this so? Redlining here was I'm talking. I don't feel like I'm being that loud How the fuck was Penn State ranked number two? Can somebody explain that with where did that come from?
Starting point is 00:02:19 I got to watch a little bit of that game last week They were playing Ohio State was it last week was it two weeks ago, I don't know But it was so fucking frustrating They had the game one and then they just wide open receivers the balls that the guys fucking ankles whatever You don't catch the ball goes off your chest the defensive back catches it in the end zone. And I just was like, why do I do this to myself? Why do I continue to watch sports the way I do? I would just love to watch them, you know, completely, just be completely indifferent.
Starting point is 00:03:04 I know there's somebody that does that. completely, just be completely indifferent. I know there's somebody that does that. There has to be some sort of app, you know, that you can download and then they can track your behavior and then sell your information to people in fucking Thailand or whatever the hell it is they do. There has to be an app that teaches you how, like being like apolitical, like can you be a, like you just don't, like how do you not, like I get it with the Boston teams, I'm gonna always root for the Boston teams, right?
Starting point is 00:03:33 But like why do I give a fuck, how did I start giving a fuck about Penn State beating Ohio State? I was like mad at myself, I'm like why am I listening to this fucking game? You know? Or like watching the World Series. I'm like, why am I this into this fucking game? You know? Or like watching the World Series. And it's like, oh, you know, I'm a Red Sox fan, I fucking hate the Yankees, I gotta root for the Dodgers. And then I'm looking at the Dodgers and then they're showing highlights at a Lakers game. I'm like, wait, I'm a Celtics fan, I fucking hate the Lakers.
Starting point is 00:03:58 And I just was like, dude, none of this, none of this matters. Dude, none of this, none of this matters. Why don't you just enjoy the fact that there's about $700 million worth of talent out there playing the game at the highest level, highest, at the highest level. Why can't you just do that? Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. I don't care who fucking wins.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Root, root, root for the seven game series Because if they wrap it up quicker than that I have to go back to life on the road Anyway, I found a really good coffee spot Where I'm staying old school Old school in a good way. Sometimes old school is like chicken out of king. You know what I mean? And your dad belting your mom. You know, waffle falls on the floor, something like that. Sometimes that's old school. But then other times it's
Starting point is 00:04:56 like, oh, this tastes like actual food. Great coffee, and their parfait doesn't have any sugar in it. That's my move for old Billy fucking no tits. Alright? Hey, I'm Billy no tits. Do you want to have no tits in your mid-50s sliding into your late 50s? I'm 57. I'm getting into my late 50s everybody. I am old enough to be a disgraced politician. I'm old enough to be on the other side of a lot of shit. A lot of shit. A lot of shit could happen. I'm old enough to have been a Hall of Famer in a sport. Never happened. I'm old enough to be a disgraced politician.
Starting point is 00:05:43 never happened. I'm old enough to be a disgraced politician. This probably a general or an admiral that's roughly my age. And here I sit trying to figure out how to do shit jokes Saturday night. You know, it you know, it is it's like there is no right answers. You're just you're on the road. You're supposed to be on and then just that is what it is I'll tell you this here's something that you didn't hear about This week the week before maybe this whole year on any sort of major major news network or anything like that is
Starting point is 00:06:23 major news network or anything like that is it's November, let's see, Monday was the 4th, 5th, 6th, it's November 7th and I'm in New York City and it is 68 fucking degrees out. Like there's people walking down the street without a jacket on. There's people jogging in shorts. I mean... And I was talking to some locals and they were like, yeah, man, it hasn't rained here. I can't remember the last time it rained here. It's terrifying.
Starting point is 00:06:58 And I got to be honest with you. I think LA is the better place to be rather than the East Coast. East Coast, if you just look at it, you're like, all right, it's got all this water, you know, the trees or whatever, and it just seems like more lush land. But like if it's not going to fucking rain, it's going to stop fucking raining, those trees are going to dry out. And the people on the East Coast are not experienced with wildfires. LA wildfires are, you know, it's like getting a taco out there it's
Starting point is 00:07:26 just it's part of your day-to-day life in LA. It's traffic and unbelievable taco and like do you think those flames are gonna get to my house? I think the advantage of living in Los Angeles is we have apocalyptic weather every year. So we, I don't know, I don't know. Whatever. What is that Winston Churchill? Just fucking carry on. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:03 So but here's the thing. I'm not afraid of like dying and meeting an angry God because I've come to terms with the fact that he has made all of these people, I am out of this bullshit that he made everybody great and then the devil came in and said something on your shoulder and you gave into that in a moment of weakness.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Now Jesus is mad at you and you gotta make amends on Saturday on your knees inside a closet right? I don't buy into that. I think it's put in there for a reason. Like all of these sociopaths and fucking psychos and how we just don't get along with one another and all of that shit. I just feel like that's the natural state of human beings. No, I don't want to say the natural state, but it's the natural... The reason why God made sociopaths is to make, to ensure that there was going to be a beginning, a middle, and an end to humanity.
Starting point is 00:09:11 And then he could move on to his next creation. Because that's one thing that they never talk about in religion is at some point, God was over the dinosaurs. It's just like, you know, I just like, it was like cool just like, you know what, I just like, it was like coolant forests, you know, they were all big. I was younger, I was showing off, and then he just threw a fucking meteor. All right, let's start over again.
Starting point is 00:09:34 Let's see if I can be a little more subtle. Let's make the animals a little smaller. And let's make a almost hairless one. And have it walk around, you know, in sneakers and sweatpants and see what that does. These animals seem to like stadiums. Anyway, so I don't really know what to talk about. I have been in a bunker all week.
Starting point is 00:10:04 But I tell you what, I've been having fun working on the monologue for the show Saturday night. It's funny, I always say to God, God, I got to work clean. Oh, this is good. It's so much harder to work clean. Two nights of working clean, you don't even remember working dirty. It's not really easier or like more difficult. It's just different. And then once you settle into that you're like, oh I could go a whole hour like this. You know I just kind of choose not to because in my day-to-day life I would like to curse less. Certainly in front of my kids. You know. Do you know when I curse the most in front of my kids?
Starting point is 00:10:47 Is when I'm playing out a scenario in my head. And I'm in the kitchen and I'm cooking and I'm talking to myself. And I'm like, and I'll just be like making eggs or something. And I don't even know, my kids are like sitting at the table and I don't even know I'm doing it. I'm like making eggs going, oh yeah, is that what the fuck you think?
Starting point is 00:11:05 Huh? That's because you're a fucking piece of shit. And I hear, dad! And I go, oh, sorry. Sorry. No, I swear to God, my kids sometimes, sometimes they just look at me, but sometimes they really look at me.
Starting point is 00:11:24 And those are the looks as a parent that scare you. When they're just really, you just see them doing the math like, oh, he doesn't have all the answers. He doesn't have this all figured out. You know, but that's okay. And that's what this program is about. It's, you know, it that's okay. And that's what this program is about. It's, it's, you know, it's okay to be flawed. It's okay.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Um, I like those, those types of people that tell people it's okay. Whatever they're doing, it's okay. You know, the amount of money that you can make off of fellow human beings, telling them that the wrong shit that they're doing actually is okay, it's not wrong, then it's just like, yeah, I like this. I like this person.
Starting point is 00:12:17 They're telling me what I wanna hear. It's just easy, there's no work involved. Anyway, hey, do you think there's in any world I could do a standup show at Joel Austin's arena? Like on an off night when he's dark? You know, that was the summit. That's where the Houston Rockets, the Twin Towers played. Moses Malone, it's a lot of history in there it's just a shame that
Starting point is 00:12:46 you got this little guy in there you know who probably maybe I maybe he can hit a layup think Joel could fucking run an offense run the triangle offense come up push it up the court you know he played for the Saviors. I Mean it is a shame with all the money that that guy has that that is not a multi-purpose Arena You know at least have a church league and clear out those seats on the bottom Saints versus sinners I Wouldn't go shirts and skins with the track record of, is he Catholic? I don't know what he is.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Or did he just kind of make up his own thing? It really is incredible. It would be incredible to see one of those preachers, ministers, whatever they are. Just like, come clean. And just be like, alright, how did you do this? You know what I mean? Like what is the marketing amway thing that you did? Like I think his game is he does that thing where he goes, yeah, you know, God
Starting point is 00:14:03 wants you to get a hooker as long as you wear a condom, you know, you wake up the next morning, you know, you help out your wife, he'll forgive you, he'll forgive you, whatever he says, right? You got him, he's the feel-good, he's the feel-good minister, and then you got the other ones that like try to scare the hell out of you. Those are the ones I'm more fascinated with. I get Joel. Like if I was going to go to church, I would just go see him. He's just sort of a pleasant person.
Starting point is 00:14:38 He's telling me everything I'm doing is okay. I think, isn't that what he does? I thought it was Joel Olsteen and then we did old dads Bobby Cannavale kept saying Joel Austin in that scene and I was thinking like oh god you know he's so fucking brilliant he's he's mispronouncing that name on purpose it's a character choice and then I looked at the script I go oh wait it is Austin and it's like that all happened in my head and then I was kind of looking around the set go wait I've been saying old steam does everybody think I'm stupid Freckles is in the pressure cooker this week
Starting point is 00:15:22 I am enjoying it. I am having such a great time and I will talk to you guys about it when it's when it's over because I'm like superstitious but I do have good feelings. I'll leave it at that but anyway I haven't been watching any sports. I'm one race behind in MotoGP which is really coming down to it. Although Mark Mark has crashed out on the last race, I was kind of hoping that he was just gonna come out of nowhere and we would just have like a three-way race to the end.
Starting point is 00:16:02 I mean, there can't be more than one or two races left. In fact, I wonder, you know, I wonder if it could have been wrapped up on Sunday, I'll have to watch it, whatever. I'll have to watch it. So yeah, like if Jorge Martin won, does that put him far enough ahead of Peko? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:16:28 You know what? I think I might have to watch that. I might have to watch that right now. Yeah, you're kind of a jerk. Kind of a little punky. You see that bully? That's one of my wife's favorite videos where the guy's teaching self-defense and he goes, all right, he's a short guy.
Starting point is 00:16:44 He goes, come over here. When you bully me, so this taller guy comes over, he goes, hey, because you're kind of a jerk. You're kind of a short little punky. And the guy takes a sip, the short guy takes a sip of his beer and he just goes, and he spits it in the guy's face. And my favorite part is he goes, he goes, is it dirty?
Starting point is 00:17:08 Okay but it works. Like he goes, is it dirty? No and you said yes. He goes, okay but it works. I don't think there's anything dirty in a bar fight. Like if you're not looking for a fight and some guy twice the size of you comes up to you and is going to beat the shit out of you you like and there's no ref for when you tap out and this guy could just continue on and on and give you brain damage. I mean, I think you can fucking spit a Michelob light in his face.
Starting point is 00:17:38 I don't consider that dirty. I consider that having respect for your own well-being. Anywho, I think that's kind of all I have. I've just been having a great time doing spots here. In the city, whoa. And I'm just trying to enjoy what I used to say in my act is the golden age of global warming. You know, I'll tell you what's funny. I ran to this old guy and he was going, yeah, I go, how about this weather? He goes, yeah, Indian summer. That's what they used to be called. Indian summer. How about Indian month? Indian year? Anyway, I wrote a Rodney Dangerfield joke about global warming.
Starting point is 00:18:35 Alright, sorry about that. I got a FaceTime from the family back east. I forgot to put it in airplane mode. So anyway, I don't even remember what the hell I was talking about. All right, let me do the reads, man. Let me do the reads, man, for this week here. Oh, look who it is, everybody. It's old zip recruip Recruiter.
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Starting point is 00:23:42 the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com slash Bill Burr. Alright, there you go. I just did the reads. Okay, we're back. And we're back. What else is there to talk about? I don't know. I've been in a cave
Starting point is 00:24:11 Let's tell you if I've messed up my ball I messed up my back again Again, I had it all worked out and then when I got to Boston, I didn't talk about doing the comics come home I Had a great time doing that gig And I saw a couple of new comics. I don't have their names in front of me. God damn it. I gotta talk about this because there's a couple that I saw were absolutely brilliant. And I have to get, I gotta make sure I give them the proper shout out.
Starting point is 00:24:37 But I did have a great time going. I always loved doing that gig with Larry, Cam Neely, and all of those guys, Bobby, Kelly, Lanny Clark. And I gotta tell you, as fun as the show was, the hang afterward was even more fun because it's just a mix of comedians, former Bruins, retired players, just people that like have grown up in bars, like, you know, whatever you call people that aren't in some version of show business, civilians.
Starting point is 00:25:14 It's just this great mix of people and everybody's just like, one of the, I was sitting there at one point and I'm just looking at the circle of people I'm talking to, you know, and I'm like, here's a lifelong Boston resident. This guy has his name on the Stanley Cup and I tell shit jokes and we're just fucking hanging out shooting the shit. It was so much fun and it's not much fun the hang was after. I had only planned to go up there and do a lap and go back to bed because you know, I got this gig this week and I wanted to be rested up
Starting point is 00:25:46 and I ended up staying there till like 1.30 in the morning. It was amazing. So thank you to Dennis and Cam Neely and everybody that puts that thing together every year. The band sounded great. They were playing some Rolling Stones and they were killing it. It was just, it was awesome.
Starting point is 00:26:06 It was really awesome. And I did my usual thing. Where I went to the North End, I got myself a sandwich. I went to a couple of coffee spots. I walked around the town like I love doing. And I'll tell you something I saw hilarious right down there near the TD Bank North Garden was Saw they have a 24-hour Dunkin Donuts and We were coming back oh
Starting point is 00:26:38 It was after the after party And so it's about 2 in the morning quarter to 2 in the morning And I drove by and I see the Dunkin' Donuts is still open and there's one poor bastard working there. And I'm just thinking, man, that's got to be the most fucking dangerous job. You're in there by yourself. I mean, what do you got? You got a pot of hot coffee so maybe you can throw it at the person coming in with the
Starting point is 00:26:59 gun like Judge Reinhold and Fast Times at Richmond High. Then I'm thinking like, is there even money in stores anymore? Like nobody uses cash. Every once in a while, like you go to pay with cash, and like, yeah, we don't take cash here. And it's like, that isn't legal. Like, can somebody explain to me how the new Clippers Arena, that fucking piece of garbage that owns that team,
Starting point is 00:27:23 and he acts like, yeah, I'm like you guys. And it's like, you're not like us. You're not like us. What, cuz you like sports? Who doesn't like sports? There's a difference between liking sports and capturing everybody's retina that comes into your fucking arena so you can turn around and sell the information to make even more money.
Starting point is 00:27:44 You greedy fuck. And all of these zombies just come walking in to go look at, oh wow, look at this, can I afford to come here while your tax dollars are fucking paying for it. Now that might not all be accurate, but that's basically what usually happens. That was my favorite thing about when George W. Bush threw out that first pitch at the Texas Rangers game and they gave him a standing ovation and it's like you realize this is the guy that bankrupted the country with his damn good intelligence. Isn't it amazing how nobody calls him on that? CNN and Fox
Starting point is 00:28:19 News they got nothing to say about that. Here we are all these years later all these years later we're fucking bankrupt because the intelligence was wrong and we're still fucking there He owned the Texas Rangers Him and his group threatened to move the team unless the state of Texas bought a new paid for a new fucking I might correct me if I'm wrong Unless they gave him a new baseball stadium, they were gonna leave. So they blackmail him to shell out, God knows how much money, to buy him a new stadium,
Starting point is 00:28:51 which immediately increased the value of the team, and then they turned around and sold it. So he's fucked those people in Texas twice. Once locally, and once once globally or federally. And he came down to throw out the pit and they gave him a standing ovation. That's, I mean, that's fucking brilliant to be able to pull that off. So shout out to him. And shout out to everybody.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Just keep looking at colors of ties and believing in the ideology and just believe that they're not in it for themselves. They're in it for you. They're there to protect you. Oh, Jesus. Anyway, I think that's all I got here. I'm going to try to watch that race before I get on with my goddamn day here. But anyway, as always, thanks to everybody that came out to the show in Boston.
Starting point is 00:29:51 I'm very excited about this week and I'm also really excited about that run of dates I have out there in California. The great state of California. One of those weird people. I like all the states. You know why? Because every state has Americans in them. Okay? I root for the home team. I know that's not what you're supposed to do now. I'm supposed to look at a state and be like, what color is your state? This color
Starting point is 00:30:18 state is so fucking stupid. And you're literally watching adults doing that. It's it's It's unreal it's unreal But it's real it is what it is Alright, that's it everybody go fuck yourselves. Have a great weekend you cunts and I'll talk to you on Monday Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, November 6th, 2016. Holy shit. Dude, I got to start my fucking Christmas shopping.
Starting point is 00:30:58 You know what? You actually should at this point. Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't it be great to just think of every fucking goddamn person out there that you got to buy for? Not your kids. All right? You love buy for. Not your kids, alright? You love your kids. Not your dog, you love your dog, right?
Starting point is 00:31:11 What else is there? It's your kids and your dog, that's what it is, right? You love your wife too, but you know. You know how it is, right? Wouldn't it be great if you could just fucking go, just get it all fucking done. Just call in sick one day, you know exactly where you wanna go.
Starting point is 00:31:27 Fuck, give me one of those, give me fucking like Dunkin' Donuts. Give me two fucking jellies of fucking powdered sugar. Fucking two glazed in a curler. Right, except it's gifts. You know, then you just have the lady down there wrap them for you. The whole fucking, I mean's gifts. You know, and then you just have the lady down there wrap them for you. The whole fucking, I mean nice gifts though. Nice, thoughtful shit for like 10, 15 fucking people,
Starting point is 00:31:54 but you just knock it out in four hours, right? Then you take these fake hay fever pills and you walk into where it's like, oh God, just woke up. I'll be all right, I'll be in my cubicle. Whatever, and you did the whole fucking thing is done. All right, and then you can just sit there and chill. Two things you should fucking do.
Starting point is 00:32:12 I would, this is why I'm actually talking out loud to myself and I'm not mad if you're listening. All right? Two things you gotta do. You gotta do fucking cardio right through the new year because you know you're gonna eat and drink like a fucking pig. You know it's happening, all right? You know it's the right through the new year because you know you're gonna eat and drink like a fucking pig. You know it's happening, all right?
Starting point is 00:32:27 You know it's the end of the year. You know what I mean? You get those few days off and you just start thinking, what if we just always had days off and everybody just fucking cooked and you fucking drank and nobody gave a shit and there wasn't anything to do the next day, you know? That wonderful feeling of actually living life
Starting point is 00:32:43 while enjoying it as opposed to looking in dread at your fucking watches as the next fucking Monday's coming. So if you can just somehow knock it out, you know what I mean? Knock it out before the animals show up. I mean, it's just fucking, it all starts on Black Friday and then it just becomes fucking just bad fathers and I don't know what, into December and all of that shit.
Starting point is 00:33:09 So you knock that out, you do your half hour cardio every fucking day, you go for a walk, whatever the fuck you do, eat a salad or some shit. Just do something. You know? So you know, as I'm sitting here drinking a fucking Miller High Life doing this fucking podcast, I should do that. I should make a fucking list in my head right now. All the nieces and nephews, what do they want, how old are they, bang, bang, boom.
Starting point is 00:33:33 I don't like that internet shopping though. You just go on Amazon, you just go around just clicking shit. Some reason it's not as fucking cool. I actually found it, accidentally found this really cool toy store. Of course I was going out to a bar. And it was closed and everything, but it actually had like wooden toys, like cars and shit like that, like, you know, the way they used to make them. They didn't make them that way when I was a kid.
Starting point is 00:34:03 I remember my dad used to say that, Christ, this is cheap shit. When I was a kid, Christ says, that was made out of metal and wood and the tires were real rubber, right? And our shit was all fucking plastic and God knows what else. You put it in your mouth and next thing you know, you were bad at math and you couldn't read out loud.
Starting point is 00:34:20 So you had to start telling jokes. That's what happened. Everything, I was born during a fucking time when any fucking toy when you were a kid, if you were the little kid going through the oral stage, you know, where they just stick their whole fucking hand in their mouth, all your little brothers and shit, every fucking toy you had, they put it in their mouth, that was it. You know? They went from an A student down to a B student, and then they had all the colorful cereals
Starting point is 00:34:43 with all that fucking shit in it. They had fluff, peanut butter and fluff sandwiches. Man, it was just fucking, it was a sugar coma. Oh, and I got to tell you, it was great. Oh, Jesus Christ, you need to fluff another sandwich, then you put on the banana splits or the monkeys, you know, with the whole influence of the acid generation. It's a good time. Um. Um. Um. Um.
Starting point is 00:35:08 Dude, I saw a guy on a motorcycle today had a fucking suicide shifter behind him. I always thought they kind of put it right down to the side. They had it behind him. I was, uh, I was dropping off some stuff. Um. You know, I'm getting rid of a bunch of shit that I have. I bought one of those fucking, what are those saws called?
Starting point is 00:35:29 Not a table saw, the one that you have, it's just a hand saw. I fucking bought a great one a few years ago. Because I had this under, I got into this whole thought process that I was going to start fixing shit around the house and I was going to start woodworking or some shit like in my 40s, you know what I mean? Like it's over, some shit like in my 40s you know what I mean like it's over it's not gonna happen you know what I mean unless you go take a class I don't know what but I didn't have time for that shit so I bought
Starting point is 00:35:52 this thing fucking top of the line thing I've had that thing for three years it's still in the fucking box and I finally just said Bill you got nothing to build. Okay? The problem with the house that you bought was everything was done by some fucking asshole like you. After it was built. After it was built. It's a bunch of do-it-yourself, weekend warrior horse shit. Okay? So I took that. I had this bicycle that I bought in Nia. She never used it. She used it long enough to fuck up all the gears. You know what I mean? She didn't know that you couldn't shift while not pedaling.
Starting point is 00:36:27 You know, I forget, you know, she's like 10 years younger than me, so I forget. I forget they just grew up with automatic cars and they don't understand that shit has to be turning when you fucking pull the levers down. So that thing was fucked up. Some old juicer, just shit that was gonna take up space in the kitchen, I'm getting rid of that shit.
Starting point is 00:36:44 I got a bunch of old drum shit I'm getting rid of. By the way, by the way, all my modern drummers, all my drum magazines, I'm getting rid of those things. And I have enough fucking drum videos to make a god date, to start a fucking music store. I never watch them. There's a few that I'm gonna keep, the Steve Gadd up close, the Tommy Aldridge one.
Starting point is 00:37:11 There's a couple that I love that I'm gonna keep. Maybe the Steve Smiths, Kenny Aronoff. But I have like a zillion other ones that I just watched and people were phenomenal, but I just never learned anything from it David Garibaldi was a good one. See this is what's gonna happen I'm gonna go through the magazines because I know I got a couple old ones like Tommy Lee. There's a John Bonham tribute I'm not getting rid of those fucking things, but the rest of them
Starting point is 00:37:36 This is like a music school. If anybody knows out here in LA that I could just donate those things to they just they just like You know, I'm not me be this, I'm becoming like that fucking old lady, you know, or the guy who just doesn't throw any shit, any of his shit out and I just have like, I literally have like a decade and a half of fucking drum magazines. And what am I doing with them? You know, I read them and I put them up on the shelf and then I get another one the next month. I read it, I put it up on the shelf and I always think like, oh yeah, I'm going to go back to this one and I don't go back to it. Then I forget whatever article,
Starting point is 00:38:08 whatever music that they wrote out. I'm never gonna fucking find it. What am I doing with it? Pass it on to somebody else, let them fucking use it. Although what was good was I was trying to fuck with, was it Where Eagles Dare? Iron Maiden and that one part. That do-ga-do-ga-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- but still, I'm still able to figure it out via YouTube. So I'm gonna get rid of a bunch of shit like that. And, uh, because now that my fucking house is done,
Starting point is 00:38:49 I would also like to have it be, uh, breathable. Little fucking feng shui there, you know what I'm saying? Because I gotta tell you, even though the fucking kitchen has come to a grinding halt because of all the wiring they had to do, getting that fucking island out of there. Ugh. It's the greatest fucking thing ever. That adolescent fucking cow that I had laying in the middle of the fucking fridge, I mean
Starting point is 00:39:14 right middle of the goddamn kitchen. Finally got that the fuck out of there. So, anyways, but this isn't what I wanted to talk about. This is the Monday Morning Podcast. My batteries are at medium, which means it it's probably gonna fucking cut out on me right before I get to an hour What else did I want to talk about oh Jesus I was watching a bunch of football this weekend college and pro Equally enjoyable. I gotta start sticking up for the NFL because now everybody's just piling on talking about how their ratings are I'm sticking up for the NFL, because now everybody's just piling on talking about
Starting point is 00:39:43 how their ratings are plummeting and all that shit. What I think is they just got too broad-based, and now it's getting back to the numbers that it realistically is. You know what I mean? It was almost like the housing bubble, where someone has a fucking shit shack, and for some reason it's worth 400 grand.
Starting point is 00:40:01 You're like, that's worth 400 grand? Yeah, and the way the market's going, this time next year, it'll be worth 500 grand, right? That shit, and then eventually the doll just topples on itself and somebody finally just goes, that is a shack that you shit in. I mean, I shit every day, so I'll give you a five grand for it.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Eventually, that's what happens. I think the NFL, they just you know they went from fucking 26 teams in my lifetime to 28 to 30 to 32 to fucking wearing pink for a whole month to saluting the fucking troops to having Bruce Springsteen play at the halftime to fucking having it Monday night Thursday, and then occasionally Saturday, they just got way too fucking big here. And now they're just sort of adjusting it down. They kind of went through their Phil Collins 80s years, you know? Just getting away from the prog rock shit that they did. Like the prog rock of the NFL was like the 60s 70s 50s 60s 70s right then in the 80s they kind of peaked you know and then once
Starting point is 00:41:13 they got no 90s wasn't bad somewhere I guess in like the 2000s I think it was like when Phil Collins started you know doing covers of like the Supreme shit. You can't hurry love. And you know, there's a girl that's been on my mind all the time. Su, su, su, yeah. Like half of his shit, you couldn't even understand what it was. I remember this dude, he used to wear a fucking tank top cut off with the Ghostbusters logo on.
Starting point is 00:41:42 Loved Phil Collins. And not only did I not like Ghostbusters, never was into that fucking movie, I couldn't stand that Phil Collins shit somewhere along the line. You know what it was, was when he started lecturing me about the homeless. You know, I came home, you know, I put on MTV,
Starting point is 00:42:00 I wanted to eat a steak-em, right? God knows what happened to me that day. I flunked a test, you know. Somebody beat me up for having orange fucking hair. I just want to sit out. I didn't need to be reminded of this shit. Right? And all of a sudden he's up there,
Starting point is 00:42:13 Oh, think twice, Cause it's another day for you and me in paradise. I remember just watching that video going, What the fuck happened to his lip? You know? Is he a squealer? Why's he got that little mark of the squealer on him? I remember just watching that video going, what the fuck happened to his lip? You know? Is he a squealer? Why's he got that little mark of the squealer on him?
Starting point is 00:42:30 Did he steal a song? Anyways, but what I really meant to say is, it's great that he's back. It's great that he's going back out on tour. One of the greatest fucking drummers of all fucking time. I don't know. It's just somewhere around in the air tonight. All that shit after that, the mic and the mechanic shit, all of that fucking shit, it just, it's the, you know what never came back is the sound of the synthesizer. It just, there's no way to make that sound quality. I don't know. What the fuck do I know?
Starting point is 00:43:06 But just my own fucking opinion. I just feel like it doesn't have any soul. You know? Oh Jesus, Bill, why don't you shut the fuck up. Okay, I will. Let's talk about these new Hillary Clinton fucking commercials, which of course, and the Trump ones, none of them talk about any sort of issues. They're just sort of talking about each other, about what assholes they are.
Starting point is 00:43:27 It's like two seventh grade girls just fucking starting rumors about each other. They're not talking about the nationwide heroin epidemic, they're not talking about fucking the pharmaceutical companies trying to fucking make weed not legal at a state level again, because all the states where it's fucking legal, the prescription medications, prescriptions are all down, they're losing money, so they're
Starting point is 00:43:49 going to try to demonize it again, according to the person that I can't even remember who the fuck it is that told me that, and then I never read it to see if it's true, but now I'm telling it to you. They're not talking about any of that shit. Great Barrier Reef is dead. Who gives a fuck, right? All right, let's trash the Hillary one first. All right, the Hillary one about fucking Donald Trump
Starting point is 00:44:09 is they're trying to go, your kids are watching this. What kind of president are they gonna see? Okay, which I get, all right, there's kids that are into politics, but they show like six-year-olds, like riveted to a fucking, to a fucking adult running for office. Do you remember when you were six years old? I don't even know what kids see nowadays.
Starting point is 00:44:32 When I was a kid, remember when your parents put on the fucking news? Remember that feeling in your stomach? It was just like they were making you eat spinach. You're like, oh my God, I got to get out of here. This is boring. Anytime there were adults on TV with suits talking, it was over. making you eat spinach, you're like, oh my God, I gotta get out of here. This is boring. Anytime there were adults on TV with suits talking, it was over.
Starting point is 00:44:49 I wanted nothing to do with it. All I want, cartoons, I like sports, the bionic man. What else did they have back then? Little House on the Prairie, I liked for a little while, then it got all gross when fucking, they brought that kid in who, did he go deaf or did he go, I can't remember what the fucking, the Adam kid or some shit.
Starting point is 00:45:11 He started fucking the one with the pigtails. It just got gross, man. I don't know, I used to like watching the cowboy shit. I liked that stuff, but anything that was remotely nightly news, politics, I vaguely remember Richard Nixon crying on the radio when I was riding in the car with my mother and she was trying to explain to me what was happening. And I was like, oh, oh, okay. And I never thought like, wow, this guy lied to the nation. This guy, this is a president crying on the radio.
Starting point is 00:45:45 I had no concept of any of that. I was just like, all right, can I get out of the car right now? Cause it's sunny out. We've been driving for a while and I think I'm going to throw up. That's all I was thinking. Cause I was a fucking kid. Okay, people. Here's the deal.
Starting point is 00:45:58 I mean, how fucking awful are you that you got to start talking about kids. Kids are watching this guy. And then the Hillary one, I don't even know what the fuck it was. It looked like a fucking Pink Floyd video. I only, I was cooking and I turned around, I had the game on, the one that Trump made about Hillary,
Starting point is 00:46:18 which I want to say it was somebody dressed up like Hillary, holding a pickaxe or something, like I didn't even know. I never took a hallucination to be like, up like Hillary holding a pickaxe or something like I didn't even know. I never took a hallucinogen, but you know that commercial maybe be like, you know, this would have been a great time to have done some acid to just watch that and like, you know, and if he somehow made it like feature length, that would have been fucking awesome. But anyways, I believe the election is this week.
Starting point is 00:46:47 I want to say it's Wednesday. Or is it Tuesday? Maybe it's fucking Tuesday. I have no idea. I know Wednesday the 9th I'm going to be on Conan O'Brien and there will be a new president. Is it going to be the first- LADY! new president. Is it gonna be the first lady? You know, which means Bill Clinton will be the first, what the fuck would he be, what would he be called, the first
Starting point is 00:47:13 husband? The first first husband? I knew I'd be groundbreaking. Jesus Christ, can you imagine if that fucking cigar fucking stick-in lunatic is back in there and now he doesn't even have a fucking job Jesus Christ Hillary the first day is gonna be like get all these broads the fuck out of here I'm president Get him anything with the twat get it the fuck off, Pennsylvania Avenue That's it. They're literally gonna have to fucking wheel Bill around like Hannibal Lecter on like one of those two-wheelers.
Starting point is 00:47:51 You know what I mean? With the little fucking muzzle on him. Jesus, that animal might be coming back. Um, I think he's gonna... I think uh... I think Trump fucked up. He just said too much crazy shit and he made the Clintons look sane. And he's got no one to blame but himself. That's my prediction, all right? If I was a betting man and I was going to Vegas,
Starting point is 00:48:17 unbelievable, right? And Bernie Sanders is like that school that should have been allowed into the playoff and didn't fucking get in, right? Because all these fucking cunts were too afraid to vote for him because they're like, oh, there's no way he could win. I saw somebody the other day on TV, they did this whole fuck, they did this, they go, all right, well, Hillary has, okay, you got to make a smart decision either because it's really hard. This decision is really hard because Hillary had a bunch of felonies and Trump and then they listed all the shit that Trump did
Starting point is 00:48:50 for like a minute. This is like a fucking, like a TV show. I was just so fucking irresponsible, I feel. You know what I mean? He's supposed to try to be impartial, right? I hope I'm being impartial. I don't fucking like either one of them. I just don't know how you trash one guy for fucking 90 goddamn seconds, and then you just, and all you say about the other person is just their felonies.
Starting point is 00:49:11 Why don't you just talk about the felonies that were brought up, that the charges of those things. You could talk about that for fucking 19 hours. Oh no, she has a blue bra, so therefore she must be a saint. brah so therefore she must be a saint. Alright, I'm off my fucking soapbox here. Good luck to you guys. I really mean that. Good luck to you, man. I hope somehow we come out of this, we somehow pick the fucking lesser of two fucking evils,
Starting point is 00:49:36 whatever that is. And I hope everybody reads and rereads all the propositions and all the shit that's attached to them. I plan on fucking doing that, um, for the first time ever. I'm actually going to be an informed fucking voter when it comes to that shit because I don't think there's any winning at the presidential level. No, Jesus Christ. Anyways, whoever wins, it's going to be a rough four years of speeches before the next
Starting point is 00:50:04 one. I mean, neither one of them are a good public speaker. Holy shit. I mean, Trump just goes out there and wings it. Like Trump, when Trump gives a speech, he sounds like he's waiting for the headliner. He's like stretching, waiting for the headliner to show up, keeps looking at the back of the room and they're still making that stretch. See, he's not here yet. They said he's on his way.
Starting point is 00:50:23 Do another 10. And then Hillary with that whole bobblehead fucking thing that she does. I haven't seen anybody so outside their own fucking body since Al Gore. Remember Al Gore when he was fucking, I'll never forget he was doing a debate with George Bush and George Bush makes a point and then for whatever reason Al Gore stood up walked all the way over to George Bush and just goes my turn in his ear and Bush does like a double take like dude what the fuck sort of a natural reaction to this guy coming out and I mean he could literally feel his fucking breath in his ear he fucking did this double take looking
Starting point is 00:51:01 at him and the whole crowd laughed at Al Gore and then Al Gore just threw his head back and for whatever reason started laughing just goes ho ho ho ho ho and I'm like what are you laughing at like what the fuck are you doing like he was uh yeah that guy that you know what that guy that guy read about his critics too much like the first time they were like, he wasn't animated enough. And the next time he went out there, he was doing like this Fosse shit.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Jesus, he redefined fucking Flops. What that guy. All right, let's get out of politics. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking anyways. Talking about here. Let's do a little bit of advertising. 20 minutes into the podcast there. All right, Indochino, Indochino. Indochino. All righty.
Starting point is 00:51:47 Um, okay, well I did something a little weird this week, right? What did I do here? I fucking, I tried to be slick here and what I did was I copy and pasted only three of the reads, three of the six, so then I could immediately go into the questions. But then, you know, I also wanted other shit that I wanted to talk about, and it's all the way up here at the top. See, this is the problem. When you fuck with your daily routine,
Starting point is 00:52:14 all right, what the fuck is this? Sorry, guys, sorry, sorry. Just relax, relax. It's almost done. Okay, it's done. All right, what else do I want to talk? Dude, how great was the fucking Giants-Eagles game, huh? That's always a great game.
Starting point is 00:52:26 And the same thing happens every fucking year. The Giants go up, they go up fucking big, and then the Eagles start coming back. And most of the times, the Giants just can't fucking put them away. Today they did. I fucking love the NFC East. And I've watched so many Giants games because of Verzi.
Starting point is 00:52:41 I actually root for the Giants. I shouldn't be doing that as a Pats fan. You know? You know what it is? I don't have that fucking sports fan in me. Just because we lost to the fucking Giants, I mean, were we robbed? No, we weren't.
Starting point is 00:52:58 The guy did it to us twice. He's fucking great. For me to not like Eli, I'd have to not like Tom Brady, because then I'm saying I don't like greatness. Plus, one of the most interesting things to do is to watch Eli Manning throughout the course of a football season.
Starting point is 00:53:10 I'm telling you, this is when he starts waking up. He's fucking bored. It's September, October, he stretches a little bit in November, and then when they need to win the last six, seven fucking games, or else they're out of the playoffs, then he starts playing Like a champ and they get on a fucking roll. I'm telling you this guy knows what he's doing
Starting point is 00:53:29 Where is his brother from day one was a weird protection your shoes He went out there like a fucking lunatic from day one. I think he burned himself out by the time he got to the playoffs. I Don't know that's just a theory god damn it. That's a delicious beer every once in a while, you know That's just a theory. God damn it. That's a delicious beer Every once in a while, you know Every once in a while, you know You just take what you take a sip of a beer and it takes you back to the first time you got fucking hammered You know, where were you the first time he got drunk? I was at Faneuil Hall in Boston You know a stone's throw from the comedy connection where I would be performing in mere eight years later, right? I
Starting point is 00:54:02 from the Comedy Connection where I would be performing in eight years later, right? I was drinking Michelob Lights. So the only place I've ever been able to find Michelob Light is in New Orleans. And I always drink one. Whenever I go down there, that's a tradition. Some people go down there, they go down there for the gumbo or the fucking Creole fucking whatever the fuck.
Starting point is 00:54:22 The music and all that shit. I go down there, there's this store. It's right down by where the fucking choo-choo train goes down the street there, and they sell, it's a fucking shithole. It's down near the Harris. It's a liquor store, and it's got all this bullshit in there, and I always buy a single, and I just fucking walk around, listen to the music, trying to not make eye contact with the unbelievable amount of shady fucking people in New Orleans.
Starting point is 00:54:52 One of the most shadiest fucking, I can honestly say that dude, like there is something, something wrong with that city, in a good way and in a bad way, I'm telling you. It's fucking, I love the city, absolutely fucking love it, but it's got some of the shadiest fucking people I've ever seen in my life. And I'm just not blaming the locals,
Starting point is 00:55:13 the fucking people that show up down there. Jesus fucking Christ, I mean, Bourbon Street, like no young people go there. You know what I mean? Going to Bourbon Street is like, I don't know when it stopped being cool. Somewhere with my generation, but when I go on Bourbon Street,
Starting point is 00:55:29 even during the day, the fucking shit show it is, and I just see these bloated fucking people from my generation with the tramp stamps, the barbed wire and tribal tattoos going around these fucking guys with these grandmother flabby arms man but you know what it is dude they had kids you know so I was able to stay in showbiz cuz you know I ain't no father so I don't know but the fucking humanity
Starting point is 00:55:59 that I see down there is just it's just not tight it's just fucking ridiculous all right let's um let's move on here Let's talk a little bit of college football. Fucking how about LSU, man? What a game they gave Alabama, man. That was not a fucking easy game. No one in Alabama would say, fuck me, we ain't fucking game, I'm a realy.
Starting point is 00:56:15 That's how everybody in Northern Alabama speaks. It's unbelievable. When you get down near Auburn, like all of a sudden, people are just speaking eloquently. You know, ladies, gentlemen, you get to the North, man. You get north up there, you know, ladies, gentlemen, you get to the north man.
Starting point is 00:56:26 You get north up there, you know, you start getting close to that Tennessee border. You don't know what the fuck you're going to run into. Okay. Those are crazy people, right? Like Powers booth should be in a swamp. You know what I mean? A little southern comfort up there, you know? If you get down, you know, Mobile, Alabama, you know, Auburn University, those are great people.
Starting point is 00:56:45 Mobile, Alabama, I mean, how many fucking battleships did they build, you know, in World War II? What the fuck were they doing up in Cribbs and Tide country? They weren't doing shit. What were they doing up there, huh? Fucking looking at their stills. I'm just fucking with you. I don't know how the fuck I ended up, Jesus Christ,
Starting point is 00:57:03 look at the fucking cheerleaders on the 49ers I'm sorry. I got the NFL Network playing in the background. I'm watching Colin Kaepernick. Oh He almost broke it 31 to 20 for the 1 in 6 San Francisco fucking 49ers dead down to the three and four New Orleans Saints. These were great games this week. You know, I gotta tell you, this is how my weekend goes. I always watch the fucking Patriots, alright?
Starting point is 00:57:35 And I always watch the Vern Lundquist-Gary Danielson game, college football. And then I always watch the Joe Buck-Troy Aikman game, plus the Patriots. I mean, if you fucking do that that there's no way you're not gonna like football I don't know what this bullshit is about all you know all these people running away from the fucking game and the games change and this is a fucking great game this game right here 31 to 20 right it's nine minutes fucking left Kaepernick's driving him down the field, oh, he gets away, I fucking hate, drop the fucking ball! Jesus Christ, 88, what are you doing?
Starting point is 00:58:12 He's got on a breathe right strip, you should have a fucking catch right strip there. Hits you right in your fucking hands, you asshole. 921 to go in the third, if anybody's taping the game. Calling Kaepernick, somehow get the afro underneath the fucking the fucking helmet. Look at this duck hunter looking at the plays. This guy looks confused. All right they're lining up for the play. All right underneath center Colin. 34, fucking 98. Yeah, yeah, fucking Bravo. 72 is the mic. 72 is the mic and he's offside
Starting point is 00:58:49 They walked away they walked away, what are they doing? Yeah, Jesus Christ. I thought something exciting was gonna happen. You don't need to look for that. All right, here we go I Barely been watching my Bruins I know we beat Tampa Bay then we lost to the fucking Rangers, which I think they've already beaten this twice this year And I know Tampa Bay has a legitimate shot to get to the Stanley Cup I don't know where the Rangers are at but I just feel like we're another middle-of-the-road kind of team but uh well my kitchen is done my kitchen is done and I can get back to my fucking house where I have I have all
Starting point is 00:59:22 the sports packages people I got the NBA fucking hardcore, whatever the fuck they call it. I got the NHL center ice. I got NFL Sunday ticket. I watch the Formula One. This is what the fuck I do. I have no life. I watch all of this shit. I watch college football.
Starting point is 00:59:37 And for whatever reason, my wife leaves me alone and lets me do it, which is probably why I married her. That's the deal. If you want to know if you're with the right woman, order all the sports packages and just see how she fucking handles that. I got to tell you, she's had some people over this week, right, some of her relatives and shit, and like it's all women, all fucking ladies, right,
Starting point is 00:59:58 and they're in there watching this Kardashian shit. So I walk in, there's one TV in the house, and I go, okay, I'm going to be on my best fucking behavior. I lasted like, I think I lasted three minutes. I was, they were watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and I was literally watching two of them driving on the 405 freeway, talking about nothing. Like the bearded guys going, oh my God,
Starting point is 01:00:22 look at that lady, there's a lady in the car next to her, she's got, she has on a fucking mask, what the fuck's with her? And then the other guy's going, oh my God, look at that lady. There's a lady in the car next to him. She has on a fucking mask. What the fuck's with her? And then the other girl's like, I want to get some yogurt. Let's get some frozen yogurt. I'm sick. Why are you watching this? And they're like riveted.
Starting point is 01:00:39 They cannot get enough of it. You know? Meanwhile, I'm like three episodes behind. I'm still still on episode two of Westworld. You know? I've been watching Westworld and I've been watching Atlanta, who Chris Rock said that's the best show on TV. Right? I think he's a little biased, you know? I think he's a little fucking light-skinned like me. He'd also like fucking Westworld, but they're both phenomenal. Phenomenal fucking shows. Highly recommend both of them, the way they're shot.
Starting point is 01:01:06 I mean, Atlanta looks like a fucking, looks like an award-winning movie every single episode, right, just some of the shots that they get. The writing's unbelievable. And Westworld is just a whole other level for me, so I gotta get caught up with all of that shit. But enough of my ramblings. Let's get into some of the questions here for the week that people have.
Starting point is 01:01:27 You know, I mentioned all of that topless shit, like why women want to do it or certain women want to do it. So that's coming up again here this week. Let's see. I guess that's not for a couple here. Gave you a little teaser there. All right. Nat Geo, Leo DiCaprio documentary. All right Nat Geo, that's National Geographic and Leonardo DiCaprio made this great documentary about climate change And I think you would love it. It's free on YouTube until November 6th after that probably cost a few dollars If you'd watch it, I'd love to hear your thoughts about it on the podcast I gotta be honest with you. I'm terrified'd watch it, I'd love to hear your thoughts about it on the podcast. I gotta be honest with you, I'm terrified to watch it. I'm terrified to watch all of that, because that's the shit that these two fucking dopes
Starting point is 01:02:12 that are running for office should be talking about. And they don't. They just make fucking commercials about how the other person's an asshole. But you know what? I'll check it out. I'll check it out. What if I ignore out. If I ignore it, does that mean it's not happening? You know something? I'm going to tweet out the link here. And you guys can watch it if you want to. I'm not trying to be that guy forcing politics down
Starting point is 01:02:37 your fucking throat or trying to ruin your fucking avocado and toast sandwich there. But if you want to watch it, check it out. All right, who is buying million dollar condos in LA? This is what I asked out here, because there is this massive amount of building going on here. To buy an apartment out, building out here, is just so fucking high, it's ridiculous. Anybody with half a fucking brain is not buying right now,
Starting point is 01:03:01 because it's all going to fucking crash. This happens every fucking, it's like a three, four, five year cycle, every it's all going to fucking crash. This happens every fucking, it's like a three, four, five year cycle, every fucking time. You can't lose, there's no way to lose. You can't fucking lose. One day you wake up, right there, Fred, you lost. Go fuck yourself.
Starting point is 01:03:16 And then the smart people then swoop in, and as you're crying with your pockets turned inside out, they come in and actually pay less than what you paid and less than the market value. Those are the guys that fucking win. So here we go. Bill, the Chinese and other foreign investors are buying up expensive real estate in major US markets because our currency is more stable than their homelands. Oh, okay. May or may not be another bubble, but definitely makes it so regular folk have a hard time finding a place to live. Just type Chinese buying into Google and see what it auto fills. Go Eagles. Well, I'm sorry about you Eagles. They did play a great game
Starting point is 01:03:59 though. Um, dude, how scary is fucking spurls? Oh my God. I'm so glad that guy's not in my fucking division. He almost took, did he take another one back? Or he almost took one back. That's right, they knocked him out of like the 15 yard line. He does that every fucking year to the Giants. It seems anyways. Um, all right, well here's my question.
Starting point is 01:04:19 If that's like a safe thing to do, like say the dollar was crashing and all of a sudden I started buying shit in France, I wouldn't overpay for it or maybe they're crashing so quick they don't give a fuck that they overpay for it. Alright Chinese, Chinese uh first thing that comes up is food hang on a second what was I supposed to look up? Chinese buying alright here we go buying. Alright, here we go. Buying.
Starting point is 01:04:46 USEUs say no to China buying the world. Are they buying the world? China's Dalian Wanda Group buys Dick Clark Productions for one billion. Now what the f- that's re- what the fuck is going on there? There wasn't an American Chinese guy who could have done it? I'll tell you, we gotta keep Dick Clark's stuff on this side of the border, and if elected. I don't even know what the guy owns. Wealthy Chinese buyers are growing a- are growing force in US real estate.
Starting point is 01:05:21 Alright, this one seems a little bit- okay, this is the Washington Post. This seems a little more tethered here to the ground here. After a long and painful slide following the real estate collapse in 2008, Seattle's property market is enjoying one of the sharpest rises anywhere in the US. Buoyed by a rapidly expanding economy that has brought tens of thousands
Starting point is 01:05:39 of high paying jobs to the city. Real estate values have nearly doubled since 2009, according to online real estate database Zill doubled since 2009, according to OnLight real estate database Zillow. Oh, is that really credible? Zillow is not credible, by the way, because I see what they say what my house is worth and what the fuck I paid for it. It's not even, they're not right. All right. Yeah. Well, technology billionaires gobbles up real estate from Puget Sound to Lake Washington, Jim Conlin, a real estate broker, says the real estate catalyst for the sites for the dramatic upswing can
Starting point is 01:06:15 be found in China. To be honest, Chinese buyers have been flooding this market for the past few years. Some of them buy homes sight unseen, while others travel here for a kind of real estate tourism and buy real estate after only one viewing. Oh, all right. Well, is that bad? Why would that be bad? Like, what exactly could happen if they're buying it all up? I guess that's driving the price up. if they're buying it all up. I guess that's driving the price up. You know, the banks did it in 2008. At least these fucking people have money. You know, it's not like back in the day where you made $40 working in a soup kitchen and they go, hey, you want to buy a fucking house for 400 grand? You qualify. Do I? Yes, sign here. So that's better than the last thing. All right. Well, maybe it isn't a bubble. All I know is I can't compete with these cunts so my dream of buying a
Starting point is 01:07:12 apartment building in LA is rapidly diminishing. I got an idea. How about, hey, one of you people, you know, can I invest with you? Can I take, uh, can I take 15% of the fucking risk? I'll do that. Come on, one of you fuckers has got to be listening to this on your Chinese internet. Are you allowed to do it? Somebody in Hong Kong? I've been out there, I did a fucking show.
Starting point is 01:07:33 Where was ya? All right, Indigo Girls. All right, hey Bill, so when I was growing up, my mom really loved the Indigo Girls. So did I. I went to the doctor, I did something fucking else. Alright, and she wrote in parentheses, no, she wasn't a lesbian.
Starting point is 01:07:49 What does that have to do with this? Are they lesbians? I assume, I don't know why I thought if they were. You know, I don't know if it was the Woodstock fucking, from Peanuts haircut, you know, that a lot of them favor. I don't know. It's really funny how different groups of people,
Starting point is 01:08:03 they just favor a haircut, like Rednecks just love the mullet. You know what I mean? Boston Psychos for a while the big thing was to shave like to have no sideburn and just have the straight line you know right right above your ear. Then went to the back to some sort of rat tail. You know those people with their fucking shell-toed Adidas and their clatterings, dude. So anyway, so probably the first five concerts I went to were Indigo Girls. I specifically remember calling in through,
Starting point is 01:08:33 oh, 107.3, WAAF, I remember that, WAAF. Oh, Kick Ass Rock and Roll was WCOZ. WAAF was out in Worcester. They used to go, Worcester, Boston. It's just like, well, what is it? And they would be like, oh, it in Worcester. They used to go, Worcester, Boston. It's just like, well, what is it? And they would go, oh, it's Worcester. In Boston, fuckin' Massachusetts. They were actually out in Worcester,
Starting point is 01:08:53 if I remember correctly. Fuckin' Boston, Massachusetts, kid. And asking a DJ for tickets to something because I had only ever seen the Indigo Girls, and he asked if we had a 12 inch sausage in the freezer. I didn't get it at the time. I still really like them but I don't listen to folk rock that much more anymore. Can you believe how just openly like homophobic and crazy people could be back in the day?
Starting point is 01:09:23 That Indigo Girls singing from the podcast had me belly laughing at my fucking desk at work to the point where people were giving me dirty look. Fucking Christ, thank you man. Seriously, that was the best. Yeah, Indigo Girls are great. That's the only one song that I knew. Closer, closer I am to find. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that song.
Starting point is 01:09:47 Alright, feminist fan, get the fuck out of here. Hey Bill, I'm a huge fan and a big old feminist. Alright, welcome. How are you? My husband played me your epidemic of gold digging whores bit on our third date and I went from hating you to almost pissing myself laughing in three seconds. I would love to know what bit I did that made you hate me or did you just look at me, which I understand.
Starting point is 01:10:12 She said, I've been a devoted fan and a podcast listener ever since. Probably once a month I'll write a very heartfelt and sincere email to you about something you've said but then you make an endearing comment like, uh, then you make an endearing comment like, then you make an endearing comment like, what the fuck do I know, I'm a moron. And I realized that I'm also a moron, and you're a comedian, and I shouldn't take things so seriously, so I delete the email and move on. Yeah, you know, it's called being an adult.
Starting point is 01:10:41 Me knowing that I'm a fucking dope, and then you realizing that I admitted that I was a dope, so then you don't have to be all fucking taking shit seriously. Was that to intellectual people with all the F words in there? She said, but with this election, I still feel I have to write in. Oh, you sock peddling son of a bitch. You just waltzed me around the worm. Rome, you got me all warm and fuzzy now here comes the fucking Right up the fucking yet. I gay comes the uppercut
Starting point is 01:11:10 But with this election stuff, I feel like I have to write in Okay, I totally get where you're coming from on how corrupt the Clintons are. This is what every Clinton support. I get it She's the devil having said that now, now I'm going to talk 50 minutes about how fucked up Trump is. They're both fucking horrific. Anyways, she goes, and she goes, okay, all right, let me start. Let me at least give her the chance to fucking say her opinion here before I fucking jump back up on my pasty soap box here. She said, I totally get where you're coming from and how corrupt the Clintons are and how fucked up the whole system is and that the Illuminati is probably pulling the strings either way.
Starting point is 01:11:47 Uh, Bono, well, I'm fucking around when I say that. I just think people are... They get a little nuts when they get a lot of power. Anyways, but on major things you seem to care about, like the environment and corporate influence on politics, Trump is on the opposite side of the spectrum for you, as is Hillary Clinton. As is Obama. What the fuck did Obama ever do? on the opposite side of the spectrum for you, as is Hillary Clinton, as is Obama. What the fuck did Obama ever do? What if Democrats or Republicans, they don't do fucking shit.
Starting point is 01:12:10 They don't do anything about any of that fucking, any of this shit that's going on out there. They don't do anything because they need all of their fucking money. So stop with this fucking, they wearing light blue and they care about the butterflies. Hillary Clinton doesn't give a flying fuck about anything. But what other next price of zillion dollar real estate
Starting point is 01:12:32 she could park her fucking corrupt twat on? Oh, that felt good, right? If that orange-wigged cunt doesn't get there first. Whew, okay. It's like Clinton is a mechanic that's been working on your car for years and the car runs, but there's always some issue with it. And even though she'll throw in a free air freshener now and then, she's always pulling
Starting point is 01:12:53 shit like getting you to replace your shocks you need to. I don't know anything about cars, so I'm hoping this analogy makes sense. I'm trying to relate to you. So you're like, fuck it. I'm not going with Clinton anymore. Um, I think I kind of get what you're saying there, but you're really oversimplifying this, as does everybody when they're defending the person that they're going to vote for. I just want you as a fucking human being to just say that Hillary Clinton, you know, is a horrific choice, the same way Trump is, that they're're fucking horrific choices no matter how you slice
Starting point is 01:13:26 it you know. The best thing you can say about Clinton is she's not Trump right? And the best thing you say about Trump at least she's not Clinton I mean to be honest with you they're fucking they're animals. Sorry. But then Trump is some dude on your block who has three rusted out cards in his backyard. No he isn't. He's constantly defaulting on debt. No he doesn't. And none of his neighbors have anything nice to say about him. He went bankrupt like three, four times.
Starting point is 01:13:52 He took advantage of the bankruptcy laws, which is totally fucking legal. He's always talking about every professional mechanic is a swindling asshole. I'll give you that. And he tells you to leave your car with him. All right, but you know what you're leaving out of all of this is that your Hillary Clinton acts like she gives a shit about you as do all Democrats They act like they give a fuck most of them don't Most of them are no different than the Republicans and that's not even because they're bad fucking people
Starting point is 01:14:19 It's because they're all grossly under fucking paid Alright, and most of, their careers die way before they ever even make it into the Senate. In the Senate, you only make a couple hundred grand a year. Now what the fuck are you gonna do? So what they do is, is they take all these people's money, okay? They get themselves elected,
Starting point is 01:14:39 and then after they're fucking out of office, and while they're in office, they hook up whatever fucking in the private sector investments they have. I forget what the percentages are like for senators. They make a couple hundred grand a year. They're all multi-fucking millionaires. They're all corrupt pieces.
Starting point is 01:14:58 I just can't buy into this fantasy that these Democrats give a fuck, at least not these two. I believe that Obama cares more about the average individual than Donald Trump, without a doubt, and Hillary Clinton. She doesn't give a shit. Oh, she doesn't give a fuck. All right, whatever, let's read the rest of this.
Starting point is 01:15:20 And it tells, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I get why you wouldn't like Clinton, and I agree we liberals can be self-righteous and annoying, okay, and I think you're just baiting us with the Clinton-Trump equivalency stuff, but I love you. Well no, that's you because you're so into Clinton. I fucking hate Hillary Clinton. You know?
Starting point is 01:15:38 And if everything Clinton, Trump did, if you just took out the racism, I wouldn't think he was as bad as Clinton. But the fact that he's racist, you know, and just attracts those fucking people is, that's the big rub. That's the only thing. But I am not snowed on any level by slick Willy or this fucking idiot. I really do not like them.
Starting point is 01:16:00 So I'm not just doing this. Anyways, she said, I love you, Bill, and I love America America and I don't have a helicopter to escape if Trump is elected. Well, you'd need one too if Hillary is like, Hillary's just gonna, do you like the direction the country's going in because she is gonna be more of the same. She's gonna be more of the fucking same. Whatever, what the fuck do I know? Whatever, vote for whoever the fuck you want to vote for, but please don't try to fucking... Anyways, love you lots, please vote for Hillary, you knuckle dragging troglodyte? I don't even know what that means. Um, yeah, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:16:36 I think like, the level of panic that people have if Trump is elected, I get that, but I just wish there was the same amount of panic that then it's gonna be Hillary. You know what I mean? I mean, neither one of them have talked about global warming. Neither one of them talked about the population problem. They haven't even addressed the heroin epidemic in this country, created allegedly by the pharmaceutical companies. None of them talked about that shit. They don't give a fuck. They ain't gonna do shit, they're just gonna keep making sure whoever, whichever one of them makes it into the presidency, all you think is gonna change is that whoever wins
Starting point is 01:17:11 is then gonna become even more wealthy. Cause Trump's just gonna green light any fucking golf course or some bullshit he wants to do, right? I don't know. I'm so in over my head with this politics shit, but I also, you know, one of the things about being a standup comedian and traveling, you get to know people and you know when people are fucking assholes, okay?
Starting point is 01:17:31 You know? And these two, you know, I don't, I don't know. I just, this is a whole other level. This is a whole other fucking level. All right. I really feel like I fucking annoyed the shit out of all you guys. Just keep going. Okay. We get it, Bill. We get it.
Starting point is 01:17:45 Alright, here we go. Dollar Shave Club. Oh, let's do a little advertising here. I'll blow through these and I got a few more questions. I swear to God they won't be political. I really feel like I'm starting to be like Lenny Bruce, like reading the fuck. But I don't even have a legal pad or any facts in front of me. People vote who you want to fucking vote for.
Starting point is 01:18:03 Alright, just do that. Okay? And then I'll shut the fuck up. I won't. I'll probably be making jokes about it on Clinton. On uh, Conan. Alright, Dollar Shave Club everybody. Guys, you know, you know to go to Dollar Shave Club for a fantastic shave. What you probably don't know is that they have other amazing products too. The quality is the best on the market. Their body wash is great and it won't dry out your skin. Their pre and post shave stuff keeps your skin on the market. Their body wash is great and it won't dry out your skin. Their pre and post shave stuff keeps your skin soft and smooth.
Starting point is 01:18:29 Their stuff will have you looking and smelling like what? How much money everybody? A million bucks. Not five grand. Dude, if you found seven hundred bucks on the sidewalk, you would be skipping down the street. If you had crocs on, they'd fly into traffic. That's how sidewalk, you would be skipping down the street. If you had crocs on, they'd fly into traffic. That's how high-stepping you'd be going down the street.
Starting point is 01:18:49 Why's it got to be a million? Million bucks, $650 grand after taxes. Dollar shave clubs got stuff for your hair. I don't need that. For your face, I got a beard. For your under parts, everybody needs that. For everywhere, you need to keep and feeling and looking fresh Once you're in the club you'll have the best
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Starting point is 01:21:58 burr In the inbox. All right. There you go. That's it Hey all you Hillary supporters. Where the fuck were you when fucking Bernie Sanders were around you guys all fucking pussied out And you just got another fucking corrupt fucking cunt in there And I would say cunt too if it was a guy so get you fucking tits in a fucking don't get your tits in a bunch now All right, yoga lunatic maniac Dear old Billy red tits did you happen to catch the latest episodes of HBO's Real Sports with Brian Gumbel?
Starting point is 01:22:28 No, I didn't. I normally don't watch on a regular basis, but felt compelled to check it out after hearing about this yoga guy on the Howard Stern Show. Apparently this nutjob is the founder slash creator of Bikram Yoga, named after himself, which is done all over the world and seems like it's got a crazy cult following. Basically, people travel all over the world and spend over $10,000 to take his classes
Starting point is 01:22:54 because they believe he is some sort of spiritual leader. Now allegations are coming out against him that he's sexually abused a bunch of his students and made all sorts of derogatory remarks. People cannot handle positions of power. You know? You can't have this guy, everybody listening to what he's saying and a bunch of people bending over in front of him.
Starting point is 01:23:14 He's going to take his dick out. I mean, how did you not see that coming? Anyways, he told Andrea Kramer, who conducted the interview, why would I have to harass women? People spend $1 million for a drop of my sperm. He said that? Holy shit. That's some of the greatest shit talk ever. If that's fucking true.
Starting point is 01:23:40 Ha ha, what did she say? He said, why would I have to harass women? People spend $1 million for a drop of my sperm. Oh my God, did he fucking drop his lapel mic and walk off the set? And when asked about whether he harassed a particular woman, he said, of course not. I would never even piss on her face. She's a psychopath. This is a yoga instructor?
Starting point is 01:24:06 This guy sounds like an assistant coach. He also said, it sounds like a gym teacher, he also said he's a million times smarter than any doctor and that every doctor in the world comes to him. Yeah, this guy sounds like Donald Trump if he fucking ran a yoga class. Donald Trump's gotta put this guy on his ticket. I grab the pussies, he pisses in their face.
Starting point is 01:24:25 Trump Bickrum 2017. This guy seems like he's a little out of his tree. Just wanted to hear what old Freckles has to say about this. I posted some links to the story slash video below. Oh, it's on the Huffington Post. I don't go to that website. Those guys are fucking weird, man. They always act like they're this really like big like like credible news source and then if you just look at the
Starting point is 01:24:50 shit they have you know top 10 fucking celebrity nose jobs in the corner. Um thanks and go fuck yourself. I'll look for those links. I'm not going to that website though. Um Jesus Christ, what a fucking lunatic. I gotta see that, man. Great interview, huh? As far as like, you know, he's gonna give you the quotes. And as much as people at Bryant Gumbel's Real Sports were appalled, they were secretly high-fiving each other for the fucking ratings that that was gonna get. He said, I gotta go back, what the fuck these,
Starting point is 01:25:26 why do I have to harass women? People spend one million dollars for a drop of my sperm. Yeah, that's what happens when people fly around the fucking world to come to your yoga class. People go crazy, they can't fucking handle it. Girlfriend of seven years dumped me. Hey Bill, my girlfriend of seven years dumped me two months after she moved to Connecticut for graduate school She didn't use those exact words
Starting point is 01:25:51 But she told me she told me she needed time to think because something is missing in our relationship And she needs time to figure out what it is. Well, dude, you've been with it for fucking seven years, man. I Mean, who am I to talk? I was with Nia for nine years before we got married, but we were on the same page as we were both terrified to fucking make that leap. Anyways, I'm not a mind reader, but if someone has been with you for seven years and they need the time to think about
Starting point is 01:26:18 whether they still want to be with you, that's not a good sign. Yes, your instincts are correct, I would say. Since I had this conversation with her, I have been absolutely devastated and depressed. I'm ashamed to admit this, but the other night I found myself on my bedroom floor crying in the fetal position. Well, that's totally normal. And it's also, it's a healthy thing to do. Cry it out of you. Don't drink it out of you or fucking jump off a balcony. Those are dumb shit that men do
Starting point is 01:26:45 All right women get down on the floor cry in the fetal position I think that's why they live longer if it was socially acceptable for us to do it So please continue doing that. It's a valid human emotion that both men and women have that men fight Yeah, fucking cry it out of you Good for you very mature thing to do. You should not feel ashamed at all. He said, I understand that time heals all wounds, but I have no idea how to start the process
Starting point is 01:27:14 of getting over this. Do what you're doing. Cry it out of you and then call your best friend and just say, listen, dude, I'm embarrassed to say this, but I'm fucking devastated. I'm over here crying like a little girl. I gotta get me out of the house, man. Take me for a fucking walk like a dog.
Starting point is 01:27:30 Just, can I get some fresh air? Anyways, he said to keep my mind off her, I try to stay busy by going to the gym and focusing on hobbies, but I can't seem to shake this miserable feeling. How would you handle this situation if you were in my shoes? I would accept the fact that it's going to hurt, okay? And that you're not going to be able to just go to the gym
Starting point is 01:27:52 and take a pottery class and forget a woman that you loved for seven years. What you have to do is understand that it's going to hurt for a while. And you have to, rather than run from the pain, sit in it, cry your way through it, and then go to the fucking gym. And, you know, the crying thing's going to last
Starting point is 01:28:15 for a little while. And once you get through that, then just try, you know, even during the crying time, I try to do, I'm going to do something positive today. I'm going to do the dishes. You know? Just do little things that are on a list, you know? And then while you're doing that,
Starting point is 01:28:30 just start making a list of how you want to come out of this. Do you want to come out of this shit? This shit. Yeah, literally this shit. 20 pounds heavier? Or do you want to come out like 10 pounds lighter? Because you've been going to the gym You know do you want to come out of this hating women or hopeful that you that you you know you're with the wrong person and
Starting point is 01:28:54 You haven't you have a whole new opportunity to meet somebody great. You know you didn't have any kids you weren't married It's a fucking nice clean breakup You know married, it's a fucking nice clean breakup, you know? You can totally rebuild your fucking life where you can have the greatest fucking life ever. And then one day you're gonna run into her, she's gonna see how fucking happy you are, and it's the fucking moment that you're gonna want
Starting point is 01:29:17 to be like, yeah, huh, you see that, I'm happy, look at me and my car and my family. And you know what, if you're truly truly happy you're not gonna have that hey Fuck you think to her you're gonna be like hey. How are you? I hope you're happy You know and in your head you be the greatest thing that ever happened is you fucking left me because now you dude you're older You're wiser you're going through this fucking thing now. You're gonna really figure out what you like I'm telling you this will end up being the greatest thing that happened to you But the thing is you gotta you can't be a guy here
Starting point is 01:29:46 and try to fucking block out the pain. You gotta fucking just sit in it. You know? Just fucking go through all of your shit that you bought together that makes you cry and all that shit. Cry, put it on Craigslist, get it the fuck outta there. You know?
Starting point is 01:30:04 Get through all of that or then maybe just get rid of the shit that she got you. Move to a new fucking place, just fucking start over. And then when you meet broads in a fucking bar, you just tell them, what's going on with you? Just got out of this seven year thing, it was fucking devastating, but I'm totally hopeful. You know, I want to meet somebody great
Starting point is 01:30:22 and they're always like, oh my God, that's nice. They're attracted to it. Next thing you know, I want to meet somebody great, and they're always like, oh my god, that's nice. They're attracted to it. Next thing you know, you're drinking IPAs, you're getting fucking blowjobs with women you're not in a relationship with. Look at that, the clouds are partying. All right? All of that shit is in your future, but you got to go through the fucking pain first. All right?
Starting point is 01:30:40 That's it. If you were a car, you're a fucking barn find right now. They haven't even fucking sprayed you off and got the rat shit out of you. You just gotta deal with that right now. But the best thing you can do is not bury this shit. The reason why women do so well is because they're allowed to cry. They can cry in front of their fucking friends. They can talk this shit out and they can get past it.
Starting point is 01:31:03 We don't. We fucking carry it and carry it and carry it and it affects other relationships if you truly Want to fucking get past this thing you got to go through the pain of it. That's what the fucking eye That's what I learned All the fucking times I got dumped. All right. Good luck to you, sir. Go fuck yourselves to the rest of you I'll check in on you on Thursday That is it and good luck with the voting everybody. May the best piece of shit win.
Starting point is 01:31:34 What's up everybody. Welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL edition for week number eight with your hosts me Paul Verzi over here, Bill Burr over there. He's actually gonna have his picks recorded this week. He talked about them, he made his picks and you will see that, but Bill is hosting SNL this week. So he will not be on the whole show, but don't you people worry because we have the picks, we have the records, we got Jake the snake with the injury reports.
Starting point is 01:32:06 We got Andrew them list the Beverly Hills kid, the Greek freak out there doing what he does running the show beautifully. You guys know that MGM is the best sports gambling app out there and we love working with those guys so we have to shout them out. Okay, but MGM is offering $15500 in free bets to get your season going. How does it work? You download the bet MGM sportsbook app and you use our code. It's a very easy code. It is burr burr That's it It's as simple as that you sign up and you deposit at least ten dollars into your bet MGM sportsbook account
Starting point is 01:32:43 Place your first wager and receive up to $1,500 in bonus bets. If the bet loses, if the bet does lose, your bonus bets will be available once your initial wager is settled. Guys, that's great. If the bet does lose, your bonus bets will be available once your initial wager is settled. And don't forget the first touchdown offer we have for you guys, which is a fun thing. Um, you simply place a prop bet on a player to score the first touchdown in any NFL game. If that said player does not score the first touchdown in that NFL game,
Starting point is 01:33:18 but they score the second touchdown. Okay. Um, you'll get your stack back in cash. There you go. Guys, what can I say? I don't want to boast. I don't want to brag. But the kid came, the kid crawled out of a big hole.
Starting point is 01:33:35 Now I'm not saying anything because there's a lot of season to be played. Is there a chance I don't beat the book for the fourth straight year? There is a chance. But the kid was down eight early. We had to have a players meeting and do all that stuff. And right now I went three and one again. I think my record in October, obviously there were no losses in October as far as going under 500 or under a week. But I think I am now sitting at 19 and 17 going into this week's picks.
Starting point is 01:34:09 This week, there's a lot of interesting games, but of course, before we get into that, we have to bring in the anything better injury report analyst, Jake, the snake from a disclosed area in, uh, nobody knows actually. We don't know where I guess I'm thinking it might be middle of the country or West coast. Nobody really knows where Jake is because he's working on this all week. Jake, what do we got? What injuries are we looking at this week, bud? Well, the big injury for sure is a Jack Prescott just is going to be out for four to six weeks. So we won't be seeing him maybe for the rest of the season at this point
Starting point is 01:34:45 because it looks like the Cowboys could be done and I was just looking at CD Lam. He, let's see he practiced. He practiced yesterday so he may be back out there and then for the Eagles since they play the Cowboys AJ Brown got injured against the Jaguars last week, but he's back at practice. So he might be back out there. For tonight, the Bengals, looks like T Higgins is out again. So that's another big injury for the Bengals. And then just figured out this morning that Trevor Lawrence will unlikely be playing against the Vikings this week.
Starting point is 01:35:20 So that number has shifted substantially. So those are kind of the big ones. We can get to some others as this goes on. So Trevor Lawrence is out for how long? Unclear. The reports says that he's unlikely to play this week. It looks like it must be a new injury he got against the Eagles last week. Jake, that's why you're the best in the business, buddy. That's why you're the best in the business. ESPN. ESPN is foaming at the mouth to get you,
Starting point is 01:35:46 but we're not letting you go. All right, Andrew, can I bring you in here for a second? I wanna talk to you, the Greek freak. You guys are gonna be hearing from, you guys are gonna be hearing from Bill Burr and his picks today. He put in his picks and these are the up-to-date lines. Andrew, these lines, these lines are all over the place
Starting point is 01:36:10 this week, but let's talk about everybody's record. Can we talk about everybody's record? Because what, guys, what you guys don't know is even though me and Bill, even though it's mine and Bill's pick show, so to speak, Andrew Themless and Jake the Snake do their picks. And I believe I went three and one making my record in 19 and 17 for the year. Then we have...
Starting point is 01:36:37 Bill's at 14 and 22. Bill's at 14 and 22. So he's six games back. twenty two. Bills at fourteen and twenty two so he's six games back. I'm at a year at nineteen and seventeen okay. Don't man yeah don't ask Andrew going for no last week down there I don't know talk
Starting point is 01:37:03 about. Look do look at you guys Andrew for, four and O, giving him a 20, giving him 20 wins for the year so far. And then look at Jake the Snake. Jake the Snake, 16 and 20. Yeah, I started off really bad in the beginning of the year, but I'm coming back. I'm coming back. Well, I think what it is is we kind of know-
Starting point is 01:37:20 Jake had a couple O and fours and one and threes. Yeah. Listen, I opened one and threes. Yeah. Listen, I opened one and oh and four. Yeah, my first three weeks, my first three weeks of this season was oh and four, one and three, one and three. That's how I went into week number four. But you know what, everybody, you keep your head down and you fuck it. You get back in the game, you pick yourself up off the ground. I am gonna go Thursday night. That's right, I'm gonna go Thursday night.
Starting point is 01:37:52 In a few hours actually. I am going to take the Cincinnati Bengals getting six points in Baltimore. I think Cincinnati kinda hit a stride. I think if their season is going to stay alive, I don't necessarily know if they win this game, but I think this game is gonna be a fight. I think a lot of people think the Ravens
Starting point is 01:38:16 are gonna just take it by a touchdown or more. I don't, I think Joe Burrow and them are going down for business. And I think that they are going to definitely have those six points. I definitely think that the six points will cover. So I will take Joe Burrow and the semi-surging Cincinnati Bengals getting six points. Hey, what's up everybody? Bill Burr. Busy this week, so I got to do him quick. I'm gonna take the Ravens lay in I think
Starting point is 01:38:47 six against the Bengals. I like the uh who else did I like the the Buccaneers getting six against the 49ers at home and I like the Vikings whoever the hell they're playing and I like the Vikings, whoever the hell they're playing. And I like the Lions. Those are my picks. I'm swinging in the dark here. I've been traveling and then I've been rehearsing. So I don't even know what's going on. This is my housewife picks of the week. All right, this is it.
Starting point is 01:39:21 We're about to go underground and I'm going to lose you. All right, those are my picks. Paul, if we have any overlap, but there was something you really wanted, I tried to stay away from the teams that you like. Although I did take the Lions, I know you like them every week. So if we got to do a little trade here, I'm okay with that. All right? Next week, it'll be back to normal. Okay. All right. Oh, we got a little head-to-head and we got a little head-to-head on the first game of the week, which is tonight, which is awesome.
Starting point is 01:39:47 Six points, that should be fun. All right, now for my second pick, this is another game that I think is going to be close. I think this is going to be a fight. I know the Detroit Lions are probably, I would say, either the first or second best team in the league. I think you'd have to say that the Lions and
Starting point is 01:40:06 the Kansas City Chiefs are pretty much, by the way, the Kansas City Chiefs. If you don't blow them out, you're just not gonna beat them. If you're in a tight game with them in the fourth quarter, they're just some way somehow. And as much as I hate to say this, that's what championship teams do. And the Deandre Hopkins edition is like if fit like a glove already to touchdowns do the king in order to beat the Kansas City Chiefs. You have to beat the shit out of the Kansas City Chiefs to have a shot.
Starting point is 01:40:39 So I really do think it's them and the Lions in a collision course right now. But another team that I thought could go to the Super Bowl, and they were my Super Bowl pick, I believe, is the Texans. And it's a three and a half point line. I can see the Lions winning this game on the road by a field goal. But I like the half a point and I could see the Texans fighting this. So I'm going to take the Texans. Wait, is CJ Stroud healthy? He's okay? So CJ Stroud's healthy, but the big news is Will Nico Collins, his number one receiver return.
Starting point is 01:41:19 He's been on IR the last four weeks, but they're saying that he could return this week, but they're not sure yet. And then their top defensive guy, Will Anderson, those are the two kind of injuries to look out for. But CJ's will be out there. And that's gonna be one of my picks too. Yeah, I think Nico Collins, I think Nico Collins is gonna come back. Is that a Monday night game? Or is that Sunday? Sunday night game is the prime time. Sunday night game, Sunday night game. It gives
Starting point is 01:41:45 Nico Collins more time. Obviously, I'm going to take this assuming he's coming back, but they're saying it's likely I'm going to take the Houston Texans at home three and a half against the on fire Lions team. But I like to have a point. So give me that in Houston. Oh look at this this might be this might be the first time in the history of the Anything Better podcast NFL edition that me and Bill have gone head to head on not one but two games he's going Lions all right I like that I like that fun we're gonna have a lot of fun with that like I said that one is that I really took, if I'm being honest with people listening and following my picks, it's the half a point that I like in this, in this, in this pick. Okay, for my third pick for week number 10, this is where things get tricky. This is where I don't love, this is where lines are kind of perfect.
Starting point is 01:42:41 I think the eight and a half with the Chiefs is perfect, but I'm gonna do something here. I didn't think I was gonna do because this is against another team that's doing very well in the Washington commanders. I'm gonna take the Pittsburgh Steelers getting points on the road. I just think that the Steelers are just having that,
Starting point is 01:43:04 they're the Steelers, man. Games they're supposed to lose, they win. They're always 500 or better around this time. They're always in games. The Steelers are used- It's Russell Wilson, right? It's still gonna be Russell Wilson again this week. Russell Wilson is not playing bad.
Starting point is 01:43:19 He kinda got the, like he kinda solidified the job and the Steelers have a good defensive line. They're well coached. I'm just going to take the Steelers get any look anytime I see the Steelers getting points against. I mean, I know he's a great quarterback, Jaden Daniels, but he's a rookie quarterback and he's going against a good defensive line in the NFL and that defensive line is getting
Starting point is 01:43:43 points. That's why I will take the Pittsburgh Steelers with my third pick of the week. I think it's a smart pick. And the Steelers also traded from Mike Williams. We'll see if he plays this week. They what? The Steelers what? They traded from Mike Williams this week. From the Jets? Yep. The trade deadline was Tuesday, I believe. So there are a couple of minor moves like that.
Starting point is 01:44:07 Yeah, I think that was Sunday or Monday morning. You know, something I wanted to talk about on the show today was I didn't talk to Bill about this yet because we didn't talk about the NFL trade deadline. But something I want to talk about is not only, you know, did the Giants do nothing, but it doesn't seem like they're really making any kind of roster The Giants aren't doing anything which tells me something and what it tells me is I think the New York football and I'm not
Starting point is 01:44:34 mad at this but The New York football Giants will not tank just based on their ownership and tradition and it's something that like the entire Giants organization is against. But I, so I don't think they're going to tank. But I don't think that they're going to, I think they're just going to play with the personnel that they have and see where the, you know, where the chips may fall or whatever they say, let the dust settle after that. But I think the Giants and Cam Ward, I'm hoping Cam Ward from the Miami Hurricanes. Again, Daniel Jones, I don't think he's horrible.
Starting point is 01:45:11 I think Daniel Jones' time has just kind of come and gone in six years between injuries, between having happy feet because of his neck and because of the offensive line ruined him, I think. I think that he's just, I think it might be time. I think the Giants know it. And I think the Giants are just gonna play with not great personnel until the draft. But make no mistake, if Cam Ward is in this uniform, it's gonna be pretty, I'm gonna be excited about it.
Starting point is 01:45:39 But zero Giants moves during the trade deadline. Yeah, it sounds like they're gonna do what the Broncos did with Russell Wilson last year where they're just gonna cut cut bait and just eat the rest of the salary and then there's not a lot of teams that need quarterbacks at the at the top of the draft. So you guys could definitely get a cam ward or chador or whoever else is down there. Yeah. So I think that's the right the right move at the end of the day.
Starting point is 01:46:06 I think at the end of the day, I think Daniel Jones, I mean, nobody had his back more than me, the same way I had Eli's back. But I do think that this year for them to just not, for them to, and granted the personnel around him, but for them to just not do anything with him, I think that Daniel Jones time, it's like one of those deals where you call him in the office and you're like, dude, we love you. You're a good kid. Didn't work out here. You know,
Starting point is 01:46:33 you could still go on and do something else. Look at Geno Smith. Geno Smith was dead in the water for years and years of his career. And then now he's kind of settled in as a starting quarterback for years with Seattle. Maybe that happens to Daniel Jones. I do think having a shitty line fucking freaked you out, freaked him out a bit. You saw that stat about what transpired in between Daniel Jones throwing touchdowns at home. Yeah. Mahomes won two Super Bowls between the, the last time because Jones threw like, I think he threw his first touchdown
Starting point is 01:47:10 last week and he threw a couple. He threw a couple at home last week. Yeah. Yeah. And that was the first time he had thrown one since two chiefs Super Bowls ago. Is that right? No. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:47:23 They said they won first time in like two years. He's done a that right? No. Yeah, they won. So they won. First time in like two years, he's thrown a touchdown pass at home. Yeah, so it was like they won two Super Bowls, yeah. Yeah, it's just weird. And he plays different on the road, which is not a really good sign. Like, I mean, it's okay, but it's just like the fact that he's better on the road
Starting point is 01:47:40 and he's getting booed by his own fans at home and they're waiting to heckle him. It's just one of those deals where it was like six years went by and something needs to happen. But listen, if that means we cut him loose and we have a great draft pick, we have Malik neighbors, we have a good defense. I think we're a piece or two away from being good.
Starting point is 01:47:57 But look, if that's wishful thinking, it is what it is. Okay, all right, Bill picking the Bucks and Baker. Dude, the Bucks are good though. They're like, the Bucks are in, the Bucks are in every game. I mean, I was in, I was in Toronto watching it at the hotel bar. And like, they just went head to head with the Chiefs. And then of course, you know, what happens with the Chiefs happens with the Chiefs, but the Bucks are a good team. I like that pick. All right. I quickly, I forgot, I should have mentioned this earlier,
Starting point is 01:48:32 but Christian McCaffrey is supposed to be back for that game. Okay. All right. Christian McCaffrey back minus- Mike Evans is still out, right? Sorry, who'd you say? Mike Evans, he's still out, right? Sorry, who'd you say? Mike Evans. He's still out, right? Oh, yeah, I believe so. That's a serious injury. Listen, I think the Bucs coming off a loss,
Starting point is 01:48:53 the Bucs coming off a loss, they're a good team and they're home getting six, even if the Niners win, I kind of like his pick. Okay, now, fourth to final pick. I'm not gonna lie, I'm picking this one really on the fly. I mean, a lot of times I pick games on the fly during the show, but this one is really like, not a shot in the dark, but this one is... Look, oh man. Where's he going with this one? Where's he going with this one? I'm trying to look at the worst game on the board to like pick. I'm like, Danny, I'm like, is Paul just going to go with the Falcons? I was thinking, I was thinking Falcons, but I'm going to take a team. I really don't like this, this, this half a point,
Starting point is 01:49:38 but I'm going to take Jake, the snakes team. I'm going to take the chargers to beat the shit out of the Titans. I'm looking at a, I'm hoping it's like, I'm gonna say 31-17. I think it starts ugly for them. Maybe the Titans get a late field goal or a late touchdown to make it look respectable. But the Chargers at home, Jim Harbaugh, I mean, they should win this game. They should win this game by 14 or more, I think. But you never know, every time you think that, you could get screwed.
Starting point is 01:50:12 Maybe that half a point kills me, seven and a half. But I'm gonna take the Chargers. I've taken, look, I took a lot of dogs, right? I took the Texans was a dog. I took the Steelers are a dog. I took the Bengals are a dog. So I got three dogs. I got three dogs, which is rare for me. And I'm gonna I'm gonna go with a heavy favorite. I'm gonna go with an
Starting point is 01:50:30 over touchdown favorite. I'm gonna go with the Chargers. I always kind of like the Chargers. I like Jim Harbaugh. And let's be honest, the Tennessee Titans haven't done anything this year to make you go Oh, they're good. So that'll be my fourth and final pick for week number 10. It's one of my picks too. And you said to completely, I completely agree with you. And yeah, the should, emphasis on should win by 14. I feel that. And then the seven and a half is a little scary.
Starting point is 01:50:58 You verbalized my thoughts exactly. So I mean, the Titans just don't even have a, they don't even have like, and as Jake's favorite thing to point at garbage time points Let's point out the garbage time points no disrespect But what Jake likes to buy I'm going to try points like anytime we're texting during the games And I feel like that's why the Chargers are gonna win. I don't see the Titans putting up
Starting point is 01:51:19 You know getting getting that like oh they were up by 10 But then they got that field goal like I don't even really see that. The Chargers aren't that weak. And they're coming up with a big win on the road, which they always do well on the road, but. Yeah, so who did they beat? Who did they beat? Titans beat the Patriots last week in overtime. I look at it like this.
Starting point is 01:51:38 This is one of those games where I won't watch it, but I hope to look at my phone when I look at scores. And what comes to mind is just like 31 17 final and that's it. I that's what I when I see that that's what I think. The Chargers beat the Browns last week if that's what you're asking. Oh, I'm sorry. That was asking. Yeah, the Chargers. The Patriots.
Starting point is 01:51:57 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not I'm not really worried and who's starting quarterback for the Titans right now. It was Mason Rudolph last week. I imagine that's going to continue. He's not very cool. Yeah. I didn't see them announce anybody else. Yeah, Chargers defense isn't that bad, right, Jake?
Starting point is 01:52:15 Well, technically, they're number one in scoring defense. I'm not going to say that the best defense is football, but they played really well this year, for sure. Dude, Bill loves the vikings. Bill has loved Sam Darnold and the Vikings this whole season. But you know what? No Trevor Lawrence. We gotta point out that the line has moved, but we do all our picks. We keep the lines as of a particular time.
Starting point is 01:52:43 Bill made his picks with the Vikings at minus four and a half. Since Trevor Lawrence is out, as Jake pointed out before the show, that line moved to seven. So we have to honor the four and a half that Bill picked it at. I like, hey, look, it is what it is. It is what it is. When it gets recorded, it gets recorded. So if that benefits, great.
Starting point is 01:53:02 Sometimes it'll hurt us, and sometimes it won't. I hope it helps recorded. So if that benefits, great. Sometimes it'll hurt us and sometimes it won't. I hope it helps Bill, but he's liked the Vikings and Sam Donald the whole year. So there you guys go. Those are Bill's picks, which are the, let's just reiterate, can you put those up again? Bill has the Ravens, Bill has the Lions, Bill has the buccaneers, Bill has the Vikings, and I am taking the, I am taking the Chargers. I am taking the Bengals. I am taking the Texans, and I am taking the Steelers. So there you go. Those are our picks for week number 10, everybody.
Starting point is 01:53:42 But of course, on the podcast, we have to do the Monday night special. Did we hit the Monday night special or did we not? We hit it? We hit the Monday night special. I hear Bill singing Monday night special. I will do that. It was bucks plus nine and then TDs from both QVs. I wish Bill was here to sing it now, because, but you know what? Ever since Bill stopped singing the song, because I hear his voice in my head singing it.
Starting point is 01:54:12 That's why I won't sing it. But ever since Bill stopped it and said, look, maybe it's the song we've hit, I think three or four out of the 10 weeks this year since he hasn't sang it. So I hope I didn't just jinx anything, but there you guys go, man. Ride with us on it. We hit another special this week for Monday Night Football. It is the Miami Dolphins, the reeling, the reeling Miami Dolphins versus the Los Angeles Rams.
Starting point is 01:54:45 It's basically, you know what I always say, it's basically a pick them. It's basically a pick them. It's one point. It's a flip of a coin. Whose uniforms do you like better? Whose colors? I don't know, dude. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:54:59 The nice thing about this is you got a 50-50 shot with this line cuz it is like a pick them cuz somebody has to win by one. Can we talk about the over-under on this game? What is the under-over on this game? Because I always say it the opposite way. 50. Oof. That's a big number. 50. Can I just say something? Yeah. The Dolphins did look pretty good last week like in the sense that they moved the ball, right? I'm not saying that they're gonna play up, you know, and the Bills maybe it was a look ahead. I don't know I mean, it's the vision they should have played maybe better but uh Dolphins didn't look terrible. The Rams have been looking pretty good. But
Starting point is 01:55:38 Do you see anybody putting up 25 points? Do you see both teams putting up 25 points or somebody putting up, you know, 35 and the other team putting up 50? I just, I don't know. I don't know. I think that's a, I think that's a no, but here's the deal. The reason why, the reason why, the reason why I think this is my opinion, why the line, I mean, why the under over is so high is because both of these teams playing good weather. This is in Los Angeles. I don't think weather is a factor. I think like you said, Miami finding a way to, and listen, this is a kind of a big game for Miami
Starting point is 01:56:16 because if Miami loses this game, it's kind of bad. Like they're really like, I mean, what's their record right now? What's Miami's record? What is it? Four and four. Like they're they're really like, I mean, what's their record right now? What's Miami's record? Four and four. I think they have four wins. Enough. It wouldn't be four and four. It'd be closer to three wins. Yeah, they were they three and so to two and six. Very sad. Okay, thanks, Mark. Yeah, two and six. Four and four. Two and six means, you know, two and six means
Starting point is 01:56:45 they're going to play so desperate. They're going to call all the stops. This is flea flicker time. This is like, you know, two needs to look, I just, the Rams are foreign for two. I mean, it's a big game for both teams. That's what is getting healthy. Um, you know, you gotta keep up with them in the division. That's what I'm saying. But this is basically, this could be, jobs could be on the line with this game. This could be, this is a season, if Miami ends up going there and really having a spark,
Starting point is 01:57:18 and then all of a sudden they're three and six and go on a run, you never know. I don't know. But the under-over- I think the Rams at home. The Rams at home. I don't know. But um, I think the Rams at home, the Rams at home. I don't know. I mean, look, I'd go under, I would go under just to test it. If you wanted to do that, we can go under. We could do, we can do a tease, whatever you guys think. I was thinking,
Starting point is 01:57:40 you know, your record is. Matt Stafford, two touchdown passes, Rams under. That's where I'd put my money. Yeah. And look, Bill Parcell's always said something. You know what he said? Bill Parcell's always said, you really are what your record is.
Starting point is 01:57:55 People always go, well, if this one thing wouldn't have happened, but it did happen. That's when you're like, you know, I did that with the, you know, I did that with the Yankees and Dodgers. Well, if they would have done, but they did do it. They did do it. So just because you drop a ball and you're like, yeah, if you caught it, but if that's what you were doing all year, God, I'm still so fucking pissed about that.
Starting point is 01:58:13 Anyway. Um, yeah, let's take the Rams. The Rams are a better team. I think the Rams are a better team. They're at home. It's basically a pick them with one point. a better team, they're at home. It's basically a pick them with one point. So let's do Rams, Stafford to throw to and under 50 points.
Starting point is 01:58:32 Let's hope it's like a, you know, a third, I don't know. What, what would you say? A 28 to 20 game and we win like that, you know, there you go. So yeah, let's do that. So we'll do, we'll do Rams, we'll do Rams, we'll do Stafford to throw to, and we'll do under 50 for the over under. Did the Rams get rid of anybody? Did the Rams make any moves at the deadline?
Starting point is 01:58:58 No. Well, oh, they did trade one of their corners, but yeah, not really any major moves. I think them getting Puka back and he got ejected early in that Seattle game, I think that's in their mind their move. Now we're getting one of our best receivers back for the stretch run here and the office at Coupa Cup. And look, four and four is not that bad. If you end up winning the next two, if you end up winning the next two and you're six and four, all of a sudden you're the talk of the second half of the season so and i've
Starting point is 01:59:28 seen that happen before um all right well there you guys have it um it's about four to one it's about on the money on that two two touchdowns under rams it's maybe just like a little over four to one yeah yeah i mean Depends on where you get it. What were the odds from last week when we hit? Do you remember that or is that too far back? I would say because of the state that I'm in, it doesn't allow me to properly have the exactly, but I think we were around three to one,
Starting point is 01:59:56 two and a half, three to one on that one. It was kind of low, a little lower because of, you know. Three to one still wouldn't good money for the listeners, you know? Yeah, it's all good. You gotta get excited for sure. Listen guys, you gotta, I'm not telling you what to do. Obviously the Anything Better podcast
Starting point is 02:00:14 tells you guys to really honestly bet responsibly and don't go nuts. That's why, you know, we have fun with this. Nobody's putting like, you know, mortgage money down on this shit. Have a great time and be, you know, but that being said, I mean, you got to ride the hot hand. I mean, we've been hitting these Monday night specials. I think we are one Monday night special away from our record and it's only week 10. So I think if we hit one more Monday night special, we have the anything
Starting point is 02:00:41 better record. And yeah, and we're kind of rolling. So, and listen, even though you guys go on me and Bill's picks, check out these guys. These guys are doing well too. All right, there you have it guys. Make sure you guys download the Bet MGM app to get $1,500 in bonus bet. You just place your first bet. You gotta put as much as $10 in the account to get $1,500 if your bet does lose. So if that bet loses, you'll get 1,500 in bonus bets.
Starting point is 02:01:17 And that will be done after your first wager is settled. And don't forget the first touchdown contest, which is really cool. You bet on an NFL player, a prop bet, on an NFL player in any NFL game to score the first touchdown of the game. And if that person does, you win. If that person doesn't,
Starting point is 02:01:35 but they score the second touchdown, you win, which is a great thing. Bet responsibly. Those are our picks. And that's it. You guys have anything else? You guys want to add anything? What are we doing here? Favorites went 13 and one last week. So we'll see if that trend continues. But well, look, I'm kind of yeah, favorites won a lot last week. I was I kind of went with the favorites this week. Paulie is opposite. I'm going three dogs and one favorite, which is not something
Starting point is 02:02:05 I usually do. So we got to see what happens with the Steelers. There's three, there's three stay away games this week. I think personally Falcons and Saints. I mean, the Saints, what they lost six in a row and the Falcons somehow cover games, but the Saints need to win. So why would you touch that game? Cowboys, Eagles, I mean, the Cowboys absolutely are dog shit, but the Eagles have not been great ATS this year. And then the other one is, you know, I don't know. I was going to say Chiefs Broncos. Like, why would you touch that?
Starting point is 02:02:40 But I agree with that, Dan, but I think I'm going to, I think I'm going to bite the cheese and probably take the Eagles. I agree with that. But I think I'm going to like, I think I'm going to bite the cheese and probably take the equals on this. I can see it. What you just want to see it. Jake wants to see it. Love it. Who did I pick for the Superbowl?
Starting point is 02:02:53 I think I picked the Texans and Lions. If I'm, if I remember correctly, I think I think I picked the Texans and Lions. And I'll be honest with you, man. I went with these lions. I know that, I with you, man. I went with Ravens-Lyons. I know that, I know that, and that's a great possibility too. I know that it's a tall order to take out the Chiefs.
Starting point is 02:03:11 Did DeAndre Hopkins to the Chiefs? Make no mistake, I watched that. The fact that that guy is now a threat for them, it's really bad for the league. They're undefeated, correct? The Chiefs are. Chiefs are. Chiefs, yeah, yeah. They're undefeated correct. Chiefs are. Yeah. So I mean. There's not very hard either I mean you look at their teams they have left they have the bills and they have us and I think they play Houston and Pittsburgh right at the end but that's
Starting point is 02:03:38 kind of it I mean it's a lot of bad teams the rest of the way so they could easily be undefeated here by the end of this, which is... No, I think what it's going to take is it's going to take a Texans or a Ravens or a Bengals. I'm not counting the Bengals out just yet. I could see the Bengals getting in a wild card and all Joe Burrow needs to do, because they kept T Higgins, they kept, they have everybody. All Joe Burrow needs to do is to get into the dance. And then I think if he gets into the dance, he could do it. But it's just gonna take, remember me saying this on week 10. It's just going to have to take, and this is not a crazy prediction,
Starting point is 02:04:19 cuz obviously it's an obvious thing. But it's gonna be one of those performances that are like, that like even a favor ref, even a ref like giving the bet like giving the champs the benefit, it's gonna take something so much. It's like it was it's like I don't even know how to say it. It's just like it's gonna be so overwhelming that that that's the way that you're gonna have to take out the team. And I think the teams that can do it are the the Texans, Ravens and Bengals. But here's another team that could do it. There's one other team and it's Josh Allen and the Bills.
Starting point is 02:04:55 Yeah. So I oh, shit. Sorry. I got it. OK, yeah. So that's it, man. I just think it's I think it's fun. I do like now that we finally know kind of who teams are Yeah, if you look at the AFC playoff picture, too It's like there's kind of like one spot left because we assume that the Ravens
Starting point is 02:05:16 The Chiefs and the Bills are and the Texans are all gonna win the divisions That's four spots and there's two wild card spots, which are gonna probably be Steelers and Chargers So now that you look there's one spot left and who, who would it even be? It's probably the Bengals and maybe the Jets. And that's kind of the only two realistic teams I see fighting for that last spot. So I think to your point, Paul, the Bengals are alive to make, make a push here down the stretch. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:05:40 I think I agree with you. I think the Bengals and the Jets are two teams right now that you don't want to play just because it's kind of like one or two more losses for those teams is basically a kill shot. And I Miami is I think too far behind right now. Even if Miami won two in a row, they're still like they can't they're not even gonna make the going to make the wild card. The wild card race in the AFC is tight. You've got the Broncos who are... They're due to fall off, in my opinion. Yeah, they're kind of, I think they're like, I think they're a little better than 50-50 against the spread this year.
Starting point is 02:06:17 They've won some games they probably shouldn't have, but Bo Nix isn't as bad as, I think he's probably better than people giving credit for. But yeah, it's in the wild card, you've got the Ravens and the Chargers. Ravens six and three, Chargers five and three. I mean, you know, that's a tight wild card race. So Cincinnati being at four and five, I don't know.
Starting point is 02:06:38 And by the way, Paul, I had like 50 bucks on the Bengals to win the Superbowl. And I think like maybe like a hundred on the Bengals to win the Super Bowl and I think like maybe like 100 on the Ravens. So I thought I was with you. I thought that they could win. I think that you know they got it like said T Higgins, Jamar Chase, even Zach Moss. Zach Moss in the red zone is like almost automatic at this point if they give it to him. But I don't think I just I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's the defense. Maybe it's just Borrow not hitting targets, maybe it's coaching. There's something that's off on them that's not doing as well as they should.
Starting point is 02:07:09 And I actually think they might even look a little bit better, to be honest, overall, or as good as Houston, who's somehow 6-3 and underperforming. Yeah, I mean, look, I think that in the words of John Mar, when Eli Manning got benched for that one game, he said, I wouldn't write the obituary just yet. I don't think the bangles are done just yet. I really, I agree with you. I think having Higgins and Chase and Burrow and like, you know what happens sometimes in the NFL?
Starting point is 02:07:39 I mean, it happened with the, with the 07 Giants or the 11 Giants where nine and seven, you know, nine and seven just kind of barely getting in and then hitting a stride. Sometimes a team finds out who they are and hits a stride. And you know what, if that happens in week 13, then fucking watch out because all of a sudden and that that's going to happen. The the thing with the NFL is there's a pattern and that does happen. One or two teams gets their identity late and has a playoff run and
Starting point is 02:08:12 nobody wants to play him. It happened that first year when Henry was with the Titans. Remember they got in and they started getting, all of a sudden you click. So we shall see. You know, maybe- To your point real quick, the book has been MGM has the Bengals minus one Oh five to make the playoffs and the Broncos plus 200. So I mean, yeah, yeah. Um, it's funny because I filmed a, uh, I can't really
Starting point is 02:08:36 talk about it, but I filmed this thing that's going to be premiering in March and I would have had to come home and fly right to Germany. Also, we had issues getting into the game in Germany, also had issues with my show, all this stuff. So I will not be going to Germany. And then I looked at the Giants and Panthers record and I'm like, you know what guys? I think somebody was kind of looking out for us there. I'm glad these things came up, but-
Starting point is 02:09:00 Can you imagine like sitting next to some guy, like it's in Germany, right? It was in Germany. You're sitting next to some guy like, it's in Germany, right? It was in Germany. You're sitting next to some guy in Berlin, and some German guy's like, so who's the better team here? And you're like, well, it's kind of a pick-em. And then Paul spends a whole quarter
Starting point is 02:09:14 spending the pick-em. I pull out the phone, and I'm like, it's essentially a pick-em, you know, if you know what that means. What does it pick-em? You just spent the coin instead. That's like a touchdown favorite. Yeah, I mean, losing thousands of dollars sit with my family in Munich when the Giants are two and six. So we'll probably end up going back to London. But, but guys, yo, yeah. So real quick, obviously, check out the great Bill Burr is hosting SNL this week, which is amazing. Watch that support that I want to thank everybody who came out to see me in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, sold out amazing. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm so excited to be here. I'm Watch that, support that. I want to thank everybody who came out to see me in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Sold out, amazing. And if you guys want, I will be, if you want to come and see me, check me out.
Starting point is 02:09:54 I'll be at the Providence, Rhode Island Comedy Connection. They redid the room. It's always been one of the best rooms. They redid this place. It looks and sounds incredible. I will be there November It looks and sounds incredible. I will be there November 22nd and 23rd. That is the weekend before Thanksgiving. Tickets are going big. It looks like we're going to have, we could sell out the weekend guys. So get those tickets. All right.
Starting point is 02:10:16 Then I'm doing the Rocket Mortgage or the Rocket Comedy Tour with Mike Young and Brett Ernst at the Addison Improv in Addison, Texas, basically the Dallas Improv on December 12th and more dates coming. We're going to San Diego next year. Check out paulvarsey.com for those dates. Thank you guys. Bet responsibly. Enjoy the NFL week. I hope Bill wins. I hope I win. I hope these guys win and we will see you next week for week 11. Take care everybody So I travel a lot I mean a lot perhaps too much to of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases, or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy, and I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible. Recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff,
Starting point is 02:11:21 and before we got to the gigs we were like, let's get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, you know it's communal living, it's just a less stressful place, more enjoyable experience. So when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb? You know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money and The answer to that is yes. Yes. It can be an Airbnb It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away So imagine someone's staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world turn your home into an Airbnb
Starting point is 02:12:02 Give it a shot You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be your Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.

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