Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-1-22

Episode Date: December 2, 2022

Bill rambles about soccer, jogging in the road, and vices. Thursday Afternoon Podcast:  (start - 31:31) Thursday Afternoon Throwback:  (32:08 -  01:41:01) (12-1-14) Bill rambles about Black Friday, Gone Girl, and talks with Jason Lawhead. Anything Better NFL Preview:  (01:41:27 - end) Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Fleetwood Mac - Everywhere ZipRecruiter: Try it now FOR FREE at this exclusive web address: www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR SimpliSafe:  Get 50% off any new system at www.SIMPLISAFE.com/BURR

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. Just seeing how you're doing. I'm not going to yell because if I do this never-ending fucking cough, man. I saw a doctor. I'm on an antibiotic. I got tested for COVID. It's just one of those things. You're going to have to ride it out. You're just going to have to ride it out. Oh, Billy Football. Oh, Billy World Cup. I actually watched the USA versus Iran. I watched the whole fucking- I missed the first 10 minutes. I taped it. I watched it. You know what's great about taping World Cup games in America? You don't have to worry about any of your friends

ruining the results. Nobody knows they're happening. So I watched this game and the USA is just dominating the entire first half. It looks like Iran shouldn't even be out there. They can't even touch the ball. We played the whole fucking first half in their end. And then finally we score a goal. I was getting nervous. I was like, this is like hockey. We're totally dominating, but we're not putting the biscuit in the basket there. And then what happens is the other team just fucking gets it and then scores a goal and it's super deflating. So I was worried that that is what was going to happen. But we finally ended up scoring a goal. And of course the guy who scored the goal ended up getting hurt when he scored.

I mean he laid on the ground like he got hit by a fucking car. And I don't understand why they don't wear pads in soccer. You know what I mean? Or get tougher people to play soccer. Something's got to fucking give. Like why don't you wear some shin guards? Every fucking time a guy runs down the field, some guy slides in, his foot hits his shin, and then the guy rolls around on the ground. This is what kills me. Like it's the first time he ever got kicked in the shin. Like at what point do you toughen up and be like, I'm a soccer player. I'm used to getting kicked in the shin. All right. I ain't saying, I'm not saying I'm no tough guy. I don't like getting kicked in the shin either, but like I'm not on fucking TV. I

can tell you this. If I got kicked in the shin and it really fucking hurt, I would be doing everything I could to get on my feet as quickly as possible because I would not want to be rolling around in pain while it's being filmed on television. And here's another thing. You watch the fucking UFC. These fucking guys kick another fucking man in the shin with their shin and they keep fighting. So like either get some fucking pads or toughen the fuck up. Jesus Christ with the extra time. Dude, that guy scored the goal for fucking, you know, you would have thought he'd like like a fucking truck hit him. He was just on the ground and on the ground and nobody could celebrate with him because he was having his little moment.

Right? No, I kicked the ball and his fucking knee slid into me ribs. I will say though, a lot of times I'm like, what the fuck is that guy rolling around the grave? He didn't even get hit. And then they show it in slow motion. It's like, oh yeah, he did. He did. But like, I swear to God, like their threshold for pain doesn't go up after a while. I mean, no offense rest of the world, but American football, I mean, guys play with like fucking dislocated shoulders. You know, everything from turf toe to concussions, they play through it. I don't understand it. I really don't. So anyway, we go to watch the second half and I'm like, this is like, we need to win this game to advance. You know how funny it would be if the USA actually

won the World Cup and then they'd have a championship parade that looked like a WNBA championship parade. Like I like, I don't think anybody would like watch it until they got into like the final. And then the whole time would just be asking questions like the whole time like going like, so like, why, why are they still playing? Oh, because there's extra time extra time for what? Oh, because that guy was rolling around holding on to his fucking butt cheek for fucking 10 minutes. How much extra time is there? Nobody knows only only the ref knows, but when people start whistling, that means they get annoyed. So anyway, the I'm just fucking with you guys actually enjoyed watching the game, but like the the fucking the lack of manhood, I mean, women's soccer is better.

They pop up way quicker. Oh wait, did they get shin pads? Anyway, so we go I go to watch the second half of this fucking match. And it's a tale of two games. All of a sudden, Iran comes out. And we can't even keep hold of the ball. And I'm watching the way we're playing. I'm like, you got to be fucking shit me. We're now playing not to lose. And I watched 50 minutes, 51 minutes, the whole second half, because of injury time or whatever, watching our team in a fucking prevent defense, the number one thing I can't fucking stand. But they actually were playing defense. They started playing to not lose. And it was so fucking annoying. I almost started rooting for Iran. You know, I'm like, well, wouldn't it be great if I ran one and then

knocked us out and then I wouldn't have to watch more of this? Sorry. Anyway, so we won one to nothing. And when I tell you when we won that game, I heard no screams of joy from my neighbors, nothing. It was just dead silence on my street. It just is what it is. Speaking of sports that people don't pay attention to enough in America, the NHL, the Boston Bruins are 19 and three. Their best start ever was in the 1930s at 19 and two. We beat the Tampa Bay Lightning, I think for the second time this year. And they absolutely have owned us, you know, for I feel the better part of a goddamn like six, seven seasons. So I'm trying not to get too excited. And that's not even December.

But they're playing great. And Alexander Ovech can just pass Wayne Gretzky for most goals on the road. I mean, it's insane how he just sort of quietly has snuck up on Wayne Gretzky. And during this era too, you know, with the giant goalie pads and everybody in the butterfly and the left wing lock and all of that shit, that it looks like if he stays healthy, he's gonna pass Wayne Gretzky, which never in a million years seemed possible. I think for all time goals. I don't know about assists. I mean, Gretzky has almost 2000 assists. I don't think Ovechkin has that. So anyway, I've been in a grouchy mood for a few weeks because, you know, your health is everything. So anyway, I'm dropping my daughter off at school today.

And as I'm driving down the street, I see like 40 fucking douchebags out in front of this coffee shop or something all with their, their, you know, Tour de France gear on. And I just looked at it and I was like, Oh God, the douchebags are out, right? I mean, do you realize like the level of fucking asshole you have to be if you do that? First of all, if you can't just, you know, buy a bicycle and put on some fucking Rocky Balboa gray sweatshirt, gray sweatpants and just get on the fucking bike. The fact that you got to go out and buy that stupid fucking outfit with those goddamn dance slippers. Do you really have to clip your feet and to ride around a neighborhood? I mean, you can do this and everything. Do you really have to go to

an NFL game, you know, wearing an official jersey with fucking shit under your eyes, like you're going to fucking start catching punts on special teams, you know? Oh, Billy, grandpa grumpy freckled cunt is in full effect today. So I'm looking at them and I'm just thinking like, just like, you know, if ever like a rogue wave could just come along and sweep 40 people out into the ocean that you never saw again, wouldn't that be great? I mean, that would just, just 40 for 40. You're talking like only Joe DiMaggio, 56 game hitting streak. It was the only thing mother nature could fuck with if she just had a rogue wave come inland and just wash a group of 40 cyclists out into the ocean with their bikes and their stupid outfits. Wouldn't that be just tremendous?

Do you realize the level of cunt you have to be that you don't feel like, you can't really feel like you're getting a workout unless you inconvenience a thousand strangers? You know what I mean? Like, I just don't understand. Like, there is, I like riding a bike. Sure, we all do. There is no fucking way I would ever ride a bike out in the street with 40 of my friends knowing that everyone in a car is absolutely fucking living because we've created our own fucking traffic jam in the city of Los Angeles that is beyond congested to begin with. But these people have no problem with it. Like I'm telling you, if any of them put that in their dating profile, what is it? Swipe left? Is that what you guys say? You can't fucking date that.

Here's another one. Oh, geez, I'm on a roll here. I'm coming back. Right? I'm coming back. I'm coming back. I'm coming back from dropping my daughter off from school. And I come up over the hill and lo and behold, there's this jogger sprinting in the street, coming right at me like a third of the way. We're like playing chicken. And I'm like, I'm not fucking moving. There's a sidewalk. You're fucking cunt, right? It's the last second. He sort of runs on the other than what the fuck he was doing. He looked at me, I think the NFL combined. It's another group of people. Oh, if I was a dictator, why? Let me, I'm doing, I just ask instead of being a douche, joggers, why don't you run on the sidewalk? Huh? Well,

I don't want to be inconvenienced. It's an uneven surface. And there's women pushing their babies down the fun, then join a fucking gym. You got to run out the fucking street. Now I have to stop and wait, you know, to the fucking other lane is clear. Fucking unbelievable. There's literally miles of fucking hard surface that you can jog on down the fucking LA River. It's why they have it. And these fucking cunts run right down the street, the third of the way out. So you have to slow down, you know, make sure nobody's coming on the other side of the street and make sure nobody's passing these fucking cunts. Dude, I'm telling you right now, and this is what kills me is that some woman

is going to fall in love with that guy and have kids with them. And then she's going to have the fucking nerves to sit there and talk about how he's distant, how he's fucking selfish, and he's not involved with their children. And all of her friends are going to sit there and be like, oh, Maggie, I feel so bad for you. If only there was a sign. There was a sign, Maggie. He runs in the fucking street against traffic. Sorry. All right. So anyway, this is the end of the month here. Oh, Billy freckles. Oh, Billy bull jangles. The end of the month. And this is my new thing. So I'm actually starting today, because why not? And I might actually

go 15 days. But my new thing is the first 10 days of every month, I sort of like detox from whatever has a hole to me. And right now, nothing has a hole to me, except I think maybe coffee does. I just like drinking coffee because it makes me not smoke cigars. So I haven't had a cigar since October, really have no desire to have one. I haven't had any soda since because you know what? I stopped the end of October and then went the first 10 days in November. And then I didn't want one. And I was also thinking, you know, I got all this root beer and shit downstairs and I'm just like, I don't want to drink that shit because it's not, you know, I don't have any sugar in me. So that's when you look at a cake with your rational brain,

you know, or a cookie going like, why the fuck would I eat that? And you know what's amazing is when you don't have sugar for like 10 days, the second you have something that has any sugar in it, you fucking, your face puckers up like you're bitten to a lemon. So I don't know. I think I'm all right with my coffee shit because you know, I think if the worst thing that I do is, you know, I have a couple of coffees each day, I don't think it's that bad. But, but anyway, I just don't like that whole having to quit shit. So I feel like if I just go the first 10 days of every month, and I kind of just reset, then no matter how nuts I get in the final 15, 20 days,

you know, I know it's not going to get too out of control because I'm going to stop again. And then also I find when I come off those 10 days that I really don't want to indulge in whatever I was indulging in really for about 15 days. So it's only half the month. That's not bad, right? I don't know. I still don't think that they've done enough research on all of this shit because I'm fascinated with like, I feel like I've become more addictive. Like something happened that last time when my drinking alcohol got out of control that now I just have like, I kind of, if I do something, I just, I think I've always liked that, but never to this fucking level. You know what I mean? I mean, who gets a cappuccino and

a double espresso? It's literally, I'm recreating a beer and a shot. Here's another thing too, is I can drink that in the afternoon and be in bed and go to sleep by nine. Like, I don't even know. I just, I think you should just keep pounding the waters. If you're young and listening to this, this is what happens. This is what happens to you. I don't think they, like you always get excited. I remember as a kid being like, man, I can't wait to move out and then do whatever the fuck I want to do, man. Watch what I want to watch. Go out and come home whenever the fuck I feel like, like no one ever tells you that what sucks about being an adult is you have to kind of, you have to become your

own parent. And then a lot of people like myself, it takes you decades to learn how to take care of yourself. Like, hey man, you know what? Maybe, maybe don't eat that. Maybe don't drink another one. Maybe, maybe stay in tonight. You know, you know what we need, Bill? We need a nice eight hours sleep. How about that? You know, that took me till about, I don't know, 52 to learn how to do that. I'll tell you, all of these fucking nerds, all you young people, you look at these kids who are fucking nerds, you know, as long as they're not on some incel website, you know, whatever the fuck they're doing, like they're doing it right. You know, they go home, you know, they watch their space show, they play some video games. Well, then

they're up all night, aren't they? Yeah, there's no reason to glorify nerds any more than they already are, right? Oh, they always feel like they're like these fucking harmless people. You know, what's the worst is a nerd that gets power. Okay, everybody's gonna pay for it. Everybody's gonna pay for every time he got fucking hung by a door handle from his fucking underwear. Everybody's gonna pay for the fact that the pretty girls never looked at him. Everybody's gonna pay for the fact that he does not a thrower catch. You're all gonna like vengeance, vengeance, these little fucking bookworm trolls, all of a sudden, they create an app, they do something, and where are they? All these harmless trolls, they're right down at the titty bar, right? Being a fucking creep,

I'm just making all of this shit up. Anyway, so I haven't been to the gym in like fucking three weeks because I don't want to, I want to get over this cough and I'm also not going to go down there and give somebody whatever the fuck this is. But I haven't been flying a little bit. I had a nice flight the other day. I went up and, you know, I pre-flighted the thing, brought her out, and I was sitting there and it was like nice visibility. Like early in the day, it was like, what do they call it? It wasn't quite IFR. I don't know what the fuck they call it. It's when it shows up and it's like blue. Special VFR, whatever the fuck it was. So I was waiting for that shit to burn off, and then I get ready to fly. And, you know, I want to go up the coast of Malibu,

so I'm checking out Santa Monica's weather and shit and I see that it looks all right, but I'm kind of looking out to the coast and it looks like a little cloudy or whatever. And I know that I'm going to be flying up the coast of Malibu with the Santa Monica mountains, and there's one of those deals where as long as you're on the coast, it's all right. But when you want to fly up and over the mountains, if the clouds are low enough, you know, you can't get over because they're meeting the top of the mountains. So I kind of got to deal with all of that, you know, because it was definitely spots where I could poke through and everything. And but then I was always thinking like, dude, at the end of the day, it's a helicopter. I can

just set it down if I have a fucking problem. I can turn around. I can go back. I can keep going up the coast and go up Oxnard and just come in that way. I got plenty of fuel. Everything's fine. It was like a really good, like, like confidence builder. I flew great, you know, on the radio and all of that. Everything was fine. And I don't know, it was just like a great flight. And I have like a buddy of mine is coming out to California. It's the flight I want to take him on. So I was making sure it's a really cool flight. Come out of Burbank, you do like a fly over the Rose Bowl, you know, left orbit. I keep it at 70 knots, just in case I have an engine failure. I know exactly where I'm going to put it. Then you go down the 110, you go over Dodger Stadium,

do an orbit of that, you do an orbit around downtown, up to the observatory, the Hollywood sign, the Hollywood Bowl, capital record, you go by that. You can't really even see it anymore because they fucking built these two goddamn buildings right around it. Then I go right down Sunset, which is really cool. And then there's a couple of these classic old like houses I look at in Beverly Hills. One of them is like the Doheny mansion. And then the other one is that classic one that they godfather to and JFK and Jackie Kennedy had their honeymoon there. And the body guard, I think they shot that there, Beverly Hills Hotel. Then you just out, then you're up, go up fucking Malibu, Malibu Beach Pier and all of that shit come back up and over and you go back

into Burbank. It's a fucking great, Ronald Reagan library, right? Got to see that. That's something I'm going to start going to when I'm on the road, presidential libraries. You know, I find those that, you know, first of all, I thought everybody had one. They don't, there's only like 15 of them. I've been to the Richard Nixon. I've been to the Ronald Reagan. And I've been to the JFK one like 40 years ago when it first fucking came out. I don't know why I never think to go to that. The Reagan one was probably the best one. They all have something cool. Like I remember the Nixon one in California, we went to that. And that one had like one of those fucking like presidential limousines there. Had some old car outside his house where he grew up.

Maybe that's what it was. Maybe it was just his house. Maybe it wasn't the library. And then the Reagan one is cool because they actually have the Air Force One plane in the fucking thing. And you can get on it and go right by the seat and look at the phone. Where Reagan talked to Gorbachev. It's pretty good, you know, even if you're a liberal, I think you can go in there and just sort of, you know, I mean, I would rather do that than that stupid time we went to the fucking, the history of the popes. Whatever the fuck that was. Sistine Chapel. Oh my God. I cannot stress enough. If you go to that, there's a right turn and a left turn. And you want to go on the shorter one that takes you right to the painted

ceiling. You don't want to go the long way. That's where we went, where they had every stupid fucking chalice in silver spoon that every fucking one of these murderous cunts, murderers, fucking murderers. It's the weirdest, it's the weirdest fucking thing. You know, at least that's how I looked at it. And then I remember all of a sudden, they would be having like, they were having like a mass and for like all of these Catholic people, it's this fucking unbelievable thing. If they go into the Vatican city and attend a mass there, which just blows my mind considering what that organization has done. I mean, talk about shaking off a fucking scandal. You know, some people, they have like a little

scandal and it just takes them out. And then other people, you see something you're like, oh man, they're never going to recover from that. And they just walk away like nothing happened. That would be the Catholic church. My God. Murders, pedophilia in business with the Nazis. I mean, just write down if there's a, dude, they're like the USC of religions where like a buddy of mine was always saying, you know, if there's some sort of scandal going on in college sports and there's more than one university involved, USC is going to be one of those universities. I mean, it's just a, I mean, you got to admit, even as a USC fan, it's a filthy organization that they're running down there.

I mean, it's just fucking, it's the Dukes of Hazard, Boss Hogg. They got fake fire hydrants. They got people fucking Photoshop and heads on to fucking other people. Jeffrey Dahmer, shit, you know, to get like a scholarship. What I did love about all of those kids though, all of those kids though that faked their way into schools was you would think that you would get exposed the second you got there that you weren't smart enough to be there, but all of them seemed to handle the curriculum. No problem. So it's really, you know, cause at the end of the day, like geometry is geometry, right? Two plus two is four, you know, cat is spelled C A T. So I mean, I think it's all, it really is. So if you're a young person, man, just fucking crush high school

and then you should be all right. Once you get into your school or you go the other way, you don't do well in high school, and then you go to like a community college, right? And then like delivering fucking dominoes. You can, you can pay for your, your, your tuition for the first two years. You do great there. Then you transfer to the more expensive school. You get the same degree as somebody else for half the price. You come in as a junior, right? Take it from me. I went to summer school every fucking year of high school, not every year, freshman year, junior year, should have gone senior year, but I was like, what's the fucking point? And should have gone sophomore year, but my teacher hooked me up with a D minus.

Um, there, those are my confessions. All right, somewhere in there. What are you right now? We're going to do the, uh, we're going to do the advertisement. All right, everybody. Now it's time for the advertising reads. I'm with my freaking cough here. I'm going to do the best I can. Look who it is, everybody. It's all zip recruiter. Are you hiring? What type of role are you hiring for? Maybe you need to hire someone to wear many hats. You're hiring a clown, which can be challenging, or you might have a simple position to fill fries. Um, but it's takes forever to find someone who's a great fit for your company. Whether you need to hire a new civil engineer in New York, a pediatric nurse in Nebraska, or an attorney in Colorado, or even a mascot in Missouri.

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You didn't? Well, it's too late. Actually, it isn't too late. You can get to your fucking, your two minute offense. You know, the final fucking month of year, you could have fucked up this entire year and you could bring it all home. All those disgusted looks you got from your family members over the Thanksgiving weekend, you could turn it all around in the final, you got 31 days, the most possible days that you can get in the fucking white man's calendar. I don't know how it works over there in the Chinese calendar or the Native American calendar, but all you get in our world is 31 days. That's it. All right, you got 31 fucking days to turn it around. What are you going to do? Huh? You're going to go out and go shovel the fucking driveway? What are you going

to do to make it up? It gives a fuck, right? At this point, at this point, you kind of tap out, right? You're just like, I'm losing on points. I didn't get knocked out. I'm just going to hang on for the final fucking three minutes and whatever, I'll live to fight another day. It starts in January. It starts January. Dude, I'm going to join a gym. I'm going to quit smoking. I'm going to dump this broad. I'm going to fucking get a better lubricant when I jerk off. You make all those promises to yourself, right? And then you end up, once again, looking back on a year, right? On December 1st going, what the fuck happened? I'm another year older. What did I do? You know what you did? You got no stick-tuitiveness. I can't even say that word, stick-tuitiveness.

Just pick one. You know, I'm going to try to stop watching porno. I've already gone like four or five days and I got to tell you, I don't miss it. I don't miss it. Although I am kind of confused with some of this shit, like Kim Kardashian's greased up ass that she had there, whatever lubed up, fucking whatever she did, backed into a mister. However, they got it to shine. You know, like what the fuck was the big deal? You can see that, like for free, all over the internet. Then all of a sudden her ass is on the internet and then everybody said, and I hate this fucking expression. It started like a week ago. Now every douchebag on the planet has said it, said it broke the internet. You know, you grease up your ass, that shit going to break the internet,

motherfucker, it's stupid. You can see a million asses, right? But it's not her ass. How do you even know it was her ass with Photoshop these days? You know what I mean? There's a bunch of beautiful big ass bitches out there. They could have fucking put her little puppet head right on the top of it. You know, you got no fucking clue. You got no clue whose ass that is when you went out there and broke the internet. What does that mean? You couldn't download it. There was so many people downloading it. There's anything I can't stand. It's excitement about nothing. You know, all the real fucking stuff. I almost just said how arrogant I am. I almost just said all the real shit that's going on out there. In other words, what bill the shit that's just bugging you that

you feel everybody else should pay attention to you. Myopic jackass. I'm sorry, happy holidays. Speaking of myopic and that type of stuff, that whole Ferguson trial there, Ferguson, Missouri trial, I didn't pay attention to it. It's the same old story. Same old story and it always plays out the same way. Then a bunch of people who weren't there emphatically tell you what happened. And this one, like all of them, it's two sides and it's a completely different story. And you just sit there watching these people screaming at each other, none of whom were there. And then some mediators sitting in the middle never going, Hey, guys, guys, neither one of you were there. According to the information that I decided to

pay attention to my argument is correct. I'm going to go out on limb here and I'm going to say they were both full of shit on both sides. Everybody's lying. Once it goes to court, everybody's fucking lying. You're trying to build up your case because you know they're going to lie. Right. So you got to build that you got to you got to stack up the cupcakes on your side of the case. You just got to build it up. He had his back to him. I do bet he had his back his hands were up and he had his shirt, a shirt on that said, don't shoot me. And then the other side's going, he ran at me. I got to go, he had a sickle and he was frowning at the mouth and he said, I hate white people. And you sit there and you watch this shit, right? Split screen is two fucking

morons screaming at each other. And at the end, in the end of all of those fucking debates, you get nowhere. Nothing's solved. Nothing's resolved. You don't have any more information than you did. All you did was just sit there and watch two fucking people yell at each other. So what I choose to do is to not watch it, sit at home and stare at my balls. You know, I'm not saying you have to do that, but that's how I handle those big cases. If you don't have balls, you know, just prick your neck a little further and look at your own fucking who are sorry, I'm in a great mood, man. I had a long needed four day fucking weekend. I had a great Thanksgiving. I had chicken instead of turkey because my kitchen is a fucking disaster because it's still not fixed. You know,

I am trying so hard not to say out loud that I hate my fucking house, but I just, you know, something else, you know, my car, my Prius is getting old and I want to go out and get something nice, but my driveway is fucked up. My driveway is like, uh, it goes up and then down like the top of a mountain or the top of a house. If you look at the side of it, looking at the roof, you know, so the snow slides down, it does that because on one side we got water coming down a hill and they don't want it to go down my driveway. So they built this fucking peak. So even my fucking Prius will bottom out if I get too far to the left on the driveway. So now I want to get something fast and you know the deal. It's got to be low to the ground so you can dive into the fucking corners.

So there's no way that's going to make it. So now what I have to do is I got to have them build up the backside of it, my driveway, make that higher so it's not such a drastic dip when you go on the other side, you know, and who knows, maybe even the fucking nose is going to scrape as I try to get. I just can't fucking win with this fucking house and not to mention, right? The fence there, all the wood is fucking rotted out. What was that game you played when you were a kid? The Wonder Ball. The Wonder Ball goes round and round to something, something you are bound and if you do then you are out, O-U-T out. Hey Ernie, sit the fuck down, right? Isn't that how it went? I basically lost that game except the Wonder Ball was the house that I bought. For a hundred fucking years people

own this house. Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier, Kennedy got shot, Nixon is impeached, you're left with the house. Yeah, that's what happened to me. Galvanized pipe, cloth, fucking wires, rotted out wood, fucking water brought off the roof into the house and out the front through rotted out pipes, which started this whole fucking fiasco. I had rat turds in the wall downstairs. This house has been waiting for a complete freckled jerk off like me to buy it. Okay, so I would go out and fix the fucking thing right. This house is going to have another hundred years. It's going to get another hundred years out of it because I'm going to own this fucking thing, okay? And everybody else who owns this house is going to have a big fucking grin

in their face for like the first 70 or so years, all right? And do you think those sons of bitches in the future are going to thank me? I swear to God, at some point, all right, when I get, when I feel like I only have a week left to live, I'm going to say the address of where the fuck I live. So maybe somebody will listen to this thing in the future, you know, and go out and stick a Miller light on my fucking headstone. Not a Miller light, sorry, Miller highlight. Anyways, anyways, so this is the Monday Morning Podcast. Welcome. I hope you guys had a happy Thanksgiving. I had a fucking great one, man. And oh, you know what I wanted to do? Actually, you know, that guy, I've been hyping like the last like year, year and a half

on my on my Twitter account. I keep posting his videos. He's a ruster, the wrestler, a wrestler, the one man thrill ride, Jimmy Preston, the one man thrill ride, like an absolute savage. That guy, I fucking love that guy. I think he's a he's a fucking star. And I don't understand why he's not in the WWE yet. He's got all he's got at all. He's got the looks. He's got the dedication and he fucking kills it on the microphone. So anytime he posts a video, I try and retweet it and he sent out a happy Thanksgiving one. He gave gave me a little shout out made my fucking weekend. And then like a douche, I go to retweet it and I retweeted it to his fake one. Or this other person pretending to be him. I'm trying to scroll here to find it.

If you guys want to follow the guy, the guy's fucking hilarious. Jesus Christ, of course, I can't find the fucking thing. Come on, Bill. All I'm doing is seeing all this shit that I retweeted. I retweeted this classic picture. It said iceberg with red and black paint on it believed to be the iceberg that that sank the Titanic. And some asshole writes back, Oh, it actually hit the fucking Titanic underneath the water line. And it's like, you ever hear that expression tip of the iceberg? I mean, the fucking arrogance of every content here on Twitter. It's like, no, I've never heard of that expression. What does it mean? Of course, I've heard of that fucking expression. You jerk off.

That means when you see the iceberg above the fucking water, that's just the tip of it. It's way bigger beneath it. So you see, so you fucking go wide around the goddamn thing. I think the guy driving the boat got blown and he drove right into the fucking thing. I just think they didn't see it and they drove right into the fucking thing. And I'm sure that what cut it was under the water line and they could have sideswiped this thing. Or maybe they couldn't have, but I don't know when neither does the other douche. All I did was retweet a picture and then he's given me shit. Have you ever heard the expression, the tip of the iceberg? No, I haven't. You ever hear that joke? Why the chicken crossed the road? Oh, it's a great one.

I wrote it last week. Tip of the iceberg. Fucking goddamn expressions almost as old as this piece of shit house. Oh, this fucking house. Oh, there we go. All right. Happy Thanksgiving, one-man thrill ride. And then I had the wrong one. I'm the fucking worst. Where is it? Retweet. You know what? I'm going to retweet this guy's... Oh, there it is. For the information, at one man thrill ride is an imposter and a fraud. He's getting reported. Okay. So the one that you want, if you want to follow Jimmy Preston, you got to follow at thrill ride capital CW. All right. That's the real one. There you go. And I'm calling it right now. I'm calling it right now. He's going to make it to the WWE, whatever the fuck they used to call it the WWF when I was a kid.

And then I think like Walmart or somebody sued him. I don't fucking know. I don't know. Well, what do you want from me? So, I want... Sorry, I just had to put that up there. Sorry about that. So how are you guys doing this week? Did you survive Black Friday? Did you survive Black Friday? That stupid ass shit. We're out of shape. People trample each other into some of the shittiest fucking stores on the planet. Why can't you just admit that you're broke? You know, and just be like kids, I'm sorry. We don't have any money. There's no Santa Claus. Why can't you just do that? You're going to run down there and try to get a weed wacker for fucking six bucks or whatever the hell you're trying to do. Just deal with it. You can't afford it. If you got to get trampled just

so you can maybe buy it, you can't afford it and you just got to deal with that. You got to deal with the fact that you would dealt a fucking broke ass hand and now you got to play it. And that's not the way you play it. You don't get out of poverty by going down to a department store and getting trampled the day after Thanksgiving. What you do is you got to fucking get out. You got to fucking tighten the belt. You got to tighten the fucking belt. Fucking kids. What about my kids? What about them? Don't get them anything. Don't get them anything for Christmas and let them cry. You know what? And then what happens? Someday they put out a fucking, they do something with their lives. That'll kill them. They go to school and they got nothing and all the kids are teasing them.

And all those fucking jerk offs. They get everything for fucking Christmas. They don't have any drive. What do they do? They sit around doing fucking ecstasy. Wait for their parents to die so they can get the money. That's what you want for your kid. All right? You give your kid a little bit of drive. All right? And then you as a parent, you make sure you don't get trampled. I mean, that's page one. I don't even have a kid and I fucking know that. I know goddamn wealth. I was to go broke. Okay? And I had a goddamn kid. The last thing I would do the day after Thanksgiving is go down there and get fucking trampled. Okay? Why would I do that? I need to be in physical shape so I can go back the next Friday in shoplift. Okay? When there's the right

amount of people in the store, that's how you fucking get your Christmas. Okay? You steal from these fuckers. You don't get yourself fucking trampled. That's a suckers game. All right? So pass this along. If you have any friends or family out there that got trampled the day after Thanksgiving, can you imagine that? You're just full of fucking turkey and stuffing, sweet potato pie or whatever the fuck you had, whipped cream and eggnog with a little bit of bourbon. You know? What's wrong with you? Jesus fucking Christ. Either just admit that you broke or shoplift. But there is no reason to get trampled. Okay? In 2014, there's just no fucking, I'm trying to think of a reason to get, if there's a fire, yes. There's a fire. Absolutely.

Anyways, fuck. Just say my goddammit. That's probably karma for making fun of poor people. I'm making fun of poor people. I'm trying to give them incentive. Stop making fucking stupid moves in life. I don't have any money for Christmas gifts. What's my next move? I think I'll go down and get trampled at Walmart. All right. Let's do a little bit of advertising here. And then I'm going to spoil a movie for you to start December off right. And then I'm going to bring in a special guest who's got a big show coming up. So let's get with the advertising here on the Monday morning podcast. All right. I'm going to spoil a movie. Spoiler alert. I'm going to ruin this fucking movie. All right. What should I do? Should I give you guys one week to go see the

movie? You want me to ruin it? Well, unfortunately, I can't hear what you're saying right now. So the movie is gone, girl. Right now, if there's any women listening to this podcast, they're going, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, shut it off. Shut it off. Shut it off. If there's any guy they're like, oh, didn't Ben Affleck already make that fucking movie? This is all I'm going to say about that movie. All right. It's two and a half hours long. The first two hours and 15 minutes are great. Total enjoyment. All right. And then two hours and 15 minutes in, every character just taps out and doesn't give a shit. And then Tyler Perry just goes, man, you motherfuckers are crazy. And then just walks away. And that's kind of the end of the movie.

I've never been to a movie that was two and a half hours long, two hours and 15 minutes, I'm in there. And I want to see what happens. Two hours and 16 minutes in. If the people I was with said, hey, let's all get up and walk out. I'd be like, fine. And I would never think about the movie again. And this has nothing to do with the acting, has nothing to do with the directing. It's just a story. What happened? Did you paint yourselves into a fucking corner? I don't get it. Everybody just said, yeah, just, you know, the classic tireless cop, I'm going to stay on this till I get justice, all the other cops seen in a different way. And they're like, I see it this way. Then all of a sudden this new information. And then they just like, yeah, well, you're probably

right. But you know, there's nothing I can do. This fucking cop character, she had a cop uniform on her hair up the whole fucking goddamn movie. And she's taken everything seriously. Then in the end, when someone actually is killed, she lets her fucking hair down, takes off her uniform. She's just like, yeah, but I can never prove it. All right, go fuck yourselves. Have a happy Thanksgiving. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry I ruined that movie. I'm going to have to fucking, that's going to have to be in the advertising of it, because I hate ruining shit for people, but it was just, it just annoyed the shit out of me. But anyways, let me hit pause here and go get my guest. Hang on.

All right, with the magic of the pause button, we are back with my very special guest, Rose Bowl, Tailgate legend and four star stealth undercover chef, unless you're a lovely lady and you've been over his house. Jason Lyad, everyone. How are you, sir? Good, man. I like being in your like waiting room out here while you're doing the first step, because you just yell. What were you yelling about? Because I'm out there in the waiting room watching the end of the Packers New England game, which, you know, I knew out once we missed the field goals, like it's over and I got to get this fucking thing done because I have no free time in my life anymore. But I think that that game was yelling about, um, I don't know. It felt, it was funny to me because for a while

after I just got set in the trance there, it felt like I was sitting outside waiting to get yelled at. Like, you know, when somebody's getting yelled at, you get near and through. Yeah, like for my case, like growing up with like the coach, you know, on the other side of the office wall, and you're just like, Oh God, I'm in there next. Ah, no, no. You know, the usual, I just screaming about, uh, people getting trampled on Black Friday, just saying you should just admit that you're broke, not get your kids any gifts, and that'll give them drive. Yeah. Remember Biggie Smalls? Wondering why Christmas missed us. Birthdays was the worst days. Now we drink champagne when we're Thursday, right? His mother didn't go down there and get trampled. What happened to him?

Yeah, well, well, that's some other shit. Oh, the karma came back to him tenfold. What karma? No, I'm just saying she didn't get trampled. I didn't mean it like in karma. Yeah, yeah, he didn't do anything wrong. She didn't get trampled. So all of that was guilty of being the best rapper all of that era. And it's not even close. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna fucking piss off any African Americans that I have on this or want to be white kids. Oh, white, white guy wannabes, I should say want to be white kids. I don't think Tupac is even in the fucking same class as Biggie. Biggie's raps were like movies, painted pictures, and he had all these different ways, all this different flow, I believe the kids say, everything was different.

He had, he was good too, though, but I get what you're saying on the difference of it all. And that all his shit sounds the same to me. His, his, the way he rhymes is the same. And I think I'm going to die. Yeah, but I, you know, he always thought he was going to die. I'm not saying he's bad, but to sit there and act like that dude was even remotely as good as Biggie's like your Patrice. Like he's your, yeah, yeah, like Biggie's like your Patrice O'Neill in that, in the, in the, and I'm not going to say Tupac is because I don't need, I don't need to get shot. I'm not going to put you on that fucking comedy club. It's hilarious. It's hilarious. No, I just thought like, you can tell me who Tupac is after we get off the air. You know,

I haven't even thought about it. I know I'm just kidding. I'm going to give you time though. But his, his, his, uh, his sense of humor, his ability to tell a story. I mean, I haven't let's do shit in so fucking long, but, uh, what was that? I got a story to tell that one, where he's telling the story and then he's in the story and then the dude comes home. Oh, that one took me forever. I was listening to it and he's rapping and then they put his voice over the phone, uh, uh, having the guy warned the warning. Remember that one? Yeah. Who the fuck is this? That one, whatever that one is. It's the furnishing price. Yeah. I don't, I don't think, you know, we get a very serious recently and he does that a lot through. He

got him back and he's like, Oh, what are you talking about? He's, uh, he does it really good. He does it really good. He's like, what are you talking about? Bake with hate. And he just like go, then then he'll just keep bringing it back and I don't know who you just sounded like, but I'm thinking Warner Brothers. Um, no, I was trying to airy Spears is like, uh, his, his final like closing bit, like when he just, and he just keeps adding to it. He just keeps whoever is contemporary at the time and they had dead on. I was stunning. I'm unbelievable impressions, but we are here to promote, uh, Jason Lawhead, everybody, uh, from Lorraine, Lorraine, Ohio, Lorraine, Ohio is making his triumphant return to stage and screen. He's, he's got a big theater

date back there over the holidays and we got to push this date and you guys gotta go out and see. 27th. I can't wait. It's cool. It's a big, uh, big hall. I'm doing like, what's the name of the theater? The palace theater in Lorraine, Ohio. It's, uh, an old, almost took a wrecking ball years ago and light on a lot of locals saved it, you know, as far as like building a foundation and everything. And, uh, I've seen a lot of awesome, you know, I've seen Willie Nelson there, Bob Dylan there, Stephen right there. And, uh, I mean, the, the bigs have come through there and it's, uh, it's exciting. It's a big, I need people to spread the word, man, because it's a big place. I'd like, no, if I got like 700 to 800, I'd be really happy, but obviously you want to sell out. That's

right. That's what we're trying to do. You don't, you don't promote a date going, you know, if it half sells, I'd be happy. You've never been to where I'm from. You know, it's, it's very, it's very, uh, you know, I love it, but it's very ghost town-y at this point. Um, it's. Jake, could you be doing anything more to not sell this date? No, I wouldn't. Half full in a ghost town. No, I'm saying there's tumbleweeds. No, no, no, the downtown's great. I'm saying this, the theater's awesome. It's just, I tell you something, Jake, I love the fucking Midwest and I love town. Just like the town you're talking about, I fucking love those towns. I love the old downtown that's fucking no one goes there anymore because they built a fucking

target or a Walmart. I still love going down to those fucking places. The people are great. They're going to show up. Oh, they are. They're going to show up. So it's December 27th. Yeah, that's a great. What's the name of the venue? It's the palace theater in the rain, man. I'm going to be doing my, uh, uh, you know, album release that night. My first CD, uh, that's fucking awesome called you never heard of me, um, is coming out that night and I'll, that'll be the hard copy, uh, you know, release that night. Uh, and, uh, you know, well then, you know, when it's the first of your hits, we'll be doing some digital downloads and stuff off the website. Yeah, but it's a good piece. I'm happy about it with some added tracks from my hometown and Chicago,

which will be cool. So there's just some. All right. So if you're listening to this, if you're anywhere near and you can make it, try to get out there and, uh, even if you can't, if you just do a favor for one of my best friends in the business on and off stage, uh, just, well, we're going to have a tweet, uh, about the show for ticket links. Just if you get a chance, if you could retweet it just to help get the word out. Uh, you know, you definitely deserve it, man. It'd be awesome to have a big, uh, big right on the holidays, dude. That makes it Christmas right there around Christmas. They wanted me to come back a little bit. So it was flattering because they kind of called me, which was the cool part, you know, like I hadn't, uh, that I

didn't really consider that as one of the venues I was looking at to try to go home and do a show. But, uh, they really sold me on the fact that they were interested and they promoted and, uh, yeah, man, it's, it's cool. So we'll probably, probably do a little local media around there, hopefully close to it. And, uh, yeah, man. I mean, uh, you do those big theaters all the time. I've done some of them with you. This one's a really beautiful old grand theater. And, uh, it's, but I know the feeling whenever, whenever you go to bring me out and, uh, he's going to, he's going to come out and, uh, you know, rile up the crowd a little bit. So I still have that feeling whenever I go to do a theater, you're always peeking out. Like did anybody show up?

You always feel, I even feel that in like a comedy club after a few years before like, uh, let's just hope I sell something. You're like, ah, Bill, you're going to, but yeah, I've seen you kind of, you know, it's straight now. Now I'm straight. Listen, this is the first time I've ever had to deal with that kind of stress. Like it's all great. The, the banners are great. Everybody's cooperating. There are people are buying. We've, we know that people have started going online and now we're hoping to get a little buzz going and this is the rush. We got a little thing, but yeah, it's, uh, you know, when you, when you know how many seats are out there, you're like, wow, man, this is, this is pretty wild, but it's cool, man. It's going to be fun, man. Well,

we'll get out, we'll get the all things comedy network, uh, which you're a part of. We'll get, I'm coming on board. I just, uh, talked to those guys last week. So we'll try to get a nice push. Maybe a nice little launch interview launch. I got a big promo this week. I forgot. I'm such a fucking loser. I can't forget to promote. I haven't seen any, I haven't seen anything from you on a tweet. We, we don't know what, uh, it looks like, uh, I know that you, you ripped on me, uh, a couple of weeks ago for bombing your intro. That was a hilarious story, by the way. But I mean, we haven't even seen any branding on your specialty. We're like, I got to open for that thing. And I haven't even seen like a, a poster or a tweet or, uh, it's coming this week. My, my special actually comes out,

uh, December 5th. Yeah. December 5th. So I'm going on Conan this week to promote it. Oh, nice. Already went out and bought my shirt. I always go out and you got to buy a shirt. Yeah. You know, maybe some shoes or something. How many times is this on the couch for Conan with you now? That's a lot. I don't like four or five. He's, he's awesome. And that guy's like, you know, if it's going well, he laughs. If you, you know, if you need some help, he's right there to bail you out. Andy's always there to bail you out. And, uh, you know, he likes when you go crazy, you know, make it a little uncomfortable or whatever. It's just, it's, he's a good guy, man. He's a real good guy. He had a great tweet every tweet on Thanksgiving where he said, uh,

just got done eating one of these grass fed Colorado turkeys. Can't figure out why I can, I have the munchies all day. He did like a, you know, grass grass, grass, grass. The way he ordered it was great. I don't know if I think I butchered it, but well, hey, um, I didn't get to see the final two minutes of the game. I've got to be honest with you, we would be losing by four. Yeah. They just ran out. You know, they got the first down and ran out the clock. They had him at third and four, but obviously Roger's made a good, good play. Oh, dude, they secondary was fucking getting toasted, man. Every time I was fucking, well, that Jordy Nelson's slant across the middle at 80s when he hit the pylon. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. What's fucking two seconds left in

the first half. That's what, that was the back breaker. Cause you, you worry, cause you guys were actually playing it like you could get the ball back. You had two time outs left. If you could get a back breaker was the sack. Yeah. Well, that was moved us back. Yeah. But I think the score right before the half killed you because you guys were just, you have a whole half to recover and we were back in the game to sit there and be, oh, you fucking blow it in the second quarter. I mean, you fuck, you fuck up in the second quarter, the fourth quarter, you blow it. Yeah. That's, that's, that's how I look at this shit. But, uh, did you see Oakland got beat? Did you see some of the highlights? I haven't seen anything. Wait till you see the Oakland

Raider highlights. There it is. Watch it all. They got beat 52 to nothing by the, by the ring, by the same old Rams. I mean, you, when you watch who they, who the Rams even have it in quarterback Bradford's been out the whole season. What do they get? Uh, Steve, the Berg, did they bring, did they bring back Tester Verde? Yeah. Vince Farragan. I don't even know who played quarterback. All's I saw was, all's I saw was highlights of these guys tripping, like running after Trey Austin tripping. These guys are tripping and falling down. It looked like trying to get kids to listen to their defense when they would make, I mean, somebody's highlights and Tony Spirano, you wait till you see the, the interview. He looks like,

he doesn't take his sunglasses off and he looks, he looks like a Rocky looking over Mickey's corpse. He looks so beat up. He did not even want to talk. He had his head down with sunglasses on and he was just like, yeah, I mean, really. Oh yeah. Oh, it was hilarious. That poor guy, because it's his second time at the, he's, he's one of me and Verzi's favorite guys. Just his whole fucking name. He looks like he's witness protection program. And when he used to coach the dolphins, Tony, and almost Tony Soprano, whenever I say Tony Soprano, I can never remember how to say his name. It's Tony Spirano, Spirano. Yeah. Spirano, Tony Spirano. The P's in the beginning. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's not

Soprano. They take the P from the back of Soprano and put it in the beginning. Spirano. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, the other thing I was yelling about, by the way, is I, well, let me do ADD here and jump all around. Ray Rice is coming back. There you go. Some people are, I was joking about that on stage. People are pissed off. Like, well, I guess you had a fellas in care. So what are you talking about? They find the guy millions of dollars. And the thing was, is they gave him the first suspension. I've always said they've given him the first suspension already. He accepted it. And then he got suspended again. They got suspended again. And he, he sat down. And the woman he hit married him.

Exactly. Exactly. And then she stuck up for him because there's bags of money going out the window. She just came up again yesterday and said she wasn't a victim. She just said, she reiterated it in another article when he got reinstated. She, she reiterated it again. I mean, you know, I say, if the smartest, I wouldn't go as far as say she's not a victim. I would just say, yeah, but she loves that dude or he's got her psychologically like, dude, do you punch a woman's face and drag it down the hall by her hair? Yeah. She's a victim. If you did that to me, granted you had no hair to grab. You fucking grabbed me under my freckled chin. I, yeah, I am a victim of a fucking knockout. She probably feels like she's more of a victim

to the fact that she doesn't get to live the lifestyle she gets to live when she, when he's playing. I gotta be honest with you, man. That's to take a punch like that and then just say like, I'm not a victim. That just seems like that we're coming in on the middle of the movie. And, or she's just like, I don't know where she fucking grew up, that that's just a fucking normal week. Like, what is everybody flipping out about? But back to football, if I was the saints, he could have left me in the elevator, he brought me in, he tucked me in. Yeah. It won't come the next day. Couple of Advil. It's like, it never happened.

That's fucking hilarious to just sit because, you know, women's groups will just like flipping out. It's just so much fun to watch them. Women's groups actually have like, like someone on their allegedly their side actually arguing with them because there's no way guys can do it. I'm making all kinds of noises. We came through this chair and there's no way guys can fucking do it. It's just, it's got really gotten to the point that like, like there's certain groups that if they complain, people are so afraid of saying the wrong thing and losing money and advertisers or their job or any of that, that they will just sit there and they will listen to anything from 100% logic and genius to absolute lunacy. It doesn't make a difference. It's just

the topic. What are we talking about? You know, whatever, cancer or battered women or fucking whatever you're talking about, people just go, okay, that makes sense. I'll wear the pink thing. Tell me where to walk. I'll have a pink mustache in December. Matt Lauer would do it. Did you see Dave Letterman trash Matt Lauer? That was one of the fucking most brutal things because, you know, he got into it that lady on his show and then she fucking pulled this genius fucking move where she started tearing up after they fired her, right? And then he reached out to touch her and she pulled away and just totally made him look like a fucking asshole. So for the last like fucking 14 months, he's trying to show how playful and silly and how

he doesn't take himself seriously or whatever. And I forget what the fuck he was doing. There was some sort of stunt he was doing where he was running around shirtless doing something just looking like everything but just wearing a dress and Letterman showed a clip and goes, look at that. Would you look at that? That is a grown man with children, ladies and gentlemen. And he just goes, who is his agent? And he goes, play that again. Wow. And it was and it was tough love. But the guy needed to hear it. And he's not doing it as ridiculous. Somebody needed to be like, dude, for fuck's sakes, how long are you going to apologize with your fucking self-esteem here? Have a little bit of backbone. And you're okay. See, you didn't get along with one fucking

person the entire time. So now you got to go out there, you know, dress like a pinata and have a bunch of kids whack you with a stick. Jesus Matt. That's, uh, you know, why do I care? I'm listening to you just rant, but I'm like, I'm sitting here going, you know, I don't understand how the network even stays with a guy that's, that's toting that after the whole fact. I mean, what the network, they don't give a fuck. They don't give a shit what you're doing. Let's just say that certain somebody that had all those accusations, right? Well, right. Let's just say that guy, you think you do think if he was really doing that to all of those women, do you honestly think that only those women knew about it? You don't think there was producers and directors

and other actors and all kinds of fucking people that knew something was going on? Dude, once you start making people money. Yeah, that's true. You know, if that, I mean, I should, I shouldn't be using that as an example because that is all alleged. And I believe innocent until guilty or 13,000 accusations. Somebody said, uh, I saw a funny tweet. I don't know who said it, but it was like, uh, the Bill Cosby thing is a, it's a classic case of he said, she said, dot, dot, dot, she said, dot, dot, dot, she said, I mean, not only like 13, she says, oh man, that's a, that's a rough one, you know, that escalated quickly. Yes, it did. That, that's a, that's another one that they show the Ron Burgundy thing after the news broke with the Bill Cosby and then

all like, like, and then this story came out, they show like quick clips of news stories, like people going, and now another woman's come forward and another, and now another one's forwarded and then they just went with the Ron Burgundy thing go, go, well, that escalated quickly. Yeah. There's a thing to like, I try not because, you know, I'm a fucking idiot and I've made a bunch of mistakes and all that shit. I try not to fucking judge people until they've actually just been like, but sometimes you're just like, what the fuck? Like I knew this guy one time, right? I didn't know this guy. It was just someone who knew a guy, knew a guy, knew a guy within my circle. And that's one of those deals, you know, you get that phone call and someone goes, Hey,

do you remember so and so? And you're like, Oh shit, what? Is he dead? And they're like, nah. And there was this fucking story where this guy had got arrested for like child trafficking, sex, fucking blah, blah, blah. And I was like, Oh my God, what is he in fucking Thailand? What is this guy doing? Turned out he got a hooker who was underage and say, I had a bad weekend. The guy had a bad fucking week. I mean, you pull over and you get a hooker. Am I wrong here? You get it. The first thing you do, you're trying to get her in the car. She's doing something illegal. What is she going to show you her real ID? The guy was married, had kids. He had a bad weekend. He had a bad fucking trafficking.

That sucks. No, but the way they put it in like the local like police blurb made it seem like this guy was in charge with that. Was he like, I mean, I didn't mean this was years ago. I just had one fucking phone call about it. And I was just like, what the fuck? And then the guy told me the story because I'm literally going like that dude was into little kids. And it's just like, no, you got a prostitute and she was underage and it's like, all right. I mean, that's, I mean, I don't know how far underage, but I'm assuming like, but I mean, you could literally, you got to hope it's give her take a couple of years at that point. And if she's walking the streets, dude, they age and dog years. 17 year olds going to look 35. It's true.

Nobody is thinking how old are you when you get a hooker? You're not thinking that you're thinking are you a cop? That's what you're thinking. Yeah. Did you see that ever see that HBO special on hookers? Like when they walk the streets of like these cities at night and they go one deep voice guy does the, you know, I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. Remember those HBO things? And then it's one o'clock in the morning and, but there was like, they would tell these girls, like show these girls that would come forward like 31, 32, 33 years old looked haggard, like 50, they looked 50, just beat down with the drugs and the just concrete and jizz will do that to you. It'll do it to you. It's a rough life out there. Rough life. And you're walking in those pumps,

you know, your back is all messed up. You know, it's been bugging me. I didn't see the people keep texting me the new, no more commercial. I haven't seen it yet. So maybe I'll see it by next week. But those fucking Dodge Ram commercials. What is this slogan with it? Like unity, dignity, realm, realm. What do they say this like these, these fucking ridiculous words? I don't know the actual like they're always like they went to the moon and back. It's just some guy driving on the street with a ladder. And I got like some fucking cock in one bucket. It's stuck over some shit in the back. They're acting like they're going to war. And they always slowed down the truck, like taking bumps. I hate that when they like slow the truck down and taking these bumps, like it's like

only in this truck could you be this comfortable over like, boom, boom. Yeah, you're going to load this up and drive over a bunch of tree trunks laying in the road. Just in case there's a hurricane, you got a bunch of telephone poles that ride over through those things. Right. We rent, we rent a big, we rent a four-door pickup every year when we go to the Rose Bowl. And that's what I was thinking about it because guts, that's it. Guts, glory, realm. Guts, glory, realm. Because when you said it the first time, I'm like, I don't remember hearing it. All right. What's the guts to take on that payment and that gas guzzling tax? What's the glory? Find it somewhere to park that thing, parallel park that thing. Yeah. Like they've carried a flag. Look at that. I got that

thing in. You know, they didn't let the flag touch the ground. They're not. They're coming over to some old shit house like me to fucking charge me up the ass. We got the Rose Bowl menu coming this year. Oh yeah. And those of you who are new to my podcast every year, uh, me and a number of the fellas, we all go to the Rose Bowl game and this year, dude, it's a playoff game. Oh, this one's going to be a big one. This one counts for all the marbles. Oh boy. It doesn't. It's a semi-final playoff game. Dude, I got to tell you, it was almost sold out. Like I got, I got us four tickets. I had to go two and two. So it was a couple of rows behind us. God help. God help the people between us as we're shouting. So we can kind of go give them a look over the shoulder. Yeah. Yeah.

Barton, it's always sad when we have to go to the game anyway. I hope the implications of this one cheers them up a little bit because he hates leaving the tailgate. Well, we all do, but he especially hates leaving the tailgate. Right. It's the worst. So, uh, no, dude, we're going to do the ribs this year. I like your idea. We're going to do your idea. We're going to do the ribs this year. When I shotgun that beer last year, that's kind of the last part of the tailgate. Remember, and I just woke up in the lawn chair last year. I went so hard for people who I passed. I'm the first guy who ever passed out at the tailgate. Hardest I've ever seen you ever go. And we've, we've, we've, you know, we've had some nice where we've knocked

them back. And that was the hardest. Do you know, I, I've ever seen, you know, I had never shot gun a beer in my life. It just never went right down. What are you talking? I crushed it. No, what I'm saying is, you know, a little bit later, you were sitting down. That thing went, that thing was like the lubricator for you. And then that, that's what that. Oh, no, dude. No, no, no, that, that was, dude, you know, I mean, whiskey's I was invited. That's what I mean. That's what I mean is like, that thing lubricated you to just be able to go, well, boom, that's what I, that's what I mean. Like you had never, it was like that. It was like taking a drug for the first time. When you start drinking whiskey at 830 in the morning at 1130 to drink a beer, it's like, yeah,

it's like drinking like orange juice. I can't even just, we went right down. I just, I never shot gun a beer. I just never, that's, there was always girls around. I always thought I was going to drip down my fucking shirt. I was like, they're already not hooking up with me. I don't need to add spilling alcohol all over myself. So ever since college doesn't sound like the type of college where they're shotgun and beer a lot. Oh, sure. They were there. Of course they were. I just, I was a commuter. Yeah, I was, I lived in a bubble for the first 25 years of my life. So anyways, getting back to it. So this year, dude, so we got, dude, Alabama might be playing in the fucking Rose Bowl. Be right now, Alabama. Right now it'd be Alabama. Well, Mississippi State

Laws. I'm saying TCU is probably four right now. I don't think, TCE, come on frogs. Hello, frogs, TCE. Yeah, they're four right now. So it's no longer pack 10, big 10. Not necessarily. No, unless they're both in the, unless they're both in the top four. So we could see SEC, obviously Alabama. What am I thinking? Here's what it's going to be. You know how they were rotating the bowls for the championship in the last couple of years before they go and went to the final four playoff system? What they're going to do is they're going to rotate the semi-finals. The, the, the, the championship game is now going to, is not a BCS game anymore. So it's not at one of those five sites anymore. This year's BC, this year's title game, they're calling it the title game

is at Dallas Cowboy Stadium. Next year it's at Glendale in Phoenix where they play with a Cardinals play the year after that. They've already got the first three sites already met. The third year is Tampa because it's going to be like a super bowl of, they're going to have destination cities. So what they're going to do is they're going to have to pay the kids. They're going to make a fortune. They're going to, they're going to rotate the five. So next year, the Rose Bowl won't be one of the semi-final games, either the Orange Bowl or the Cotton Bowl or the, so there's five, I think out of the five cities every, every, every couple of years though, there'll be a semi-final. I would go to the Cowboys one basically every two years is the Rose Bowl is going to be a semi-final game.

That's sick. Dude, I would go to the Cowboys, that championship game, if they just took that fucking TV down. That TV is the fucking worst. Yeah, I've never been in it yet. Well, I was working a comedy club out there and the owner out there had a hookup and we sat down on the field level and dude, you couldn't not look at it. I was pulling the visor down on my hat. So I wouldn't look, my neck was stiff. You just, dude, it's clearer than what's going on in the, it's clearer than real life. And it's like watching a spaceship land. The only way I would go to that game, I would never sit on the lower level again. If I ever went to Cowboys team, I would sit, you know, mid to up and I would just, you just sit in there like watching TV outside, but inside

where it's happening, but you're sort of a million miles away because you're watching this fucking screen. And I don't know, man, like I, there's something about that stadium when there's college football in it. I love it, man. When I saw like LSU in or and they, you know, they, they have the fucking the end zones that painted their colors. It's a really cool stadium. It sucks that eventually the cotton bowl is going to be in there. That's why I went to, actually the cotton bowl is, but the red river game is eventually going to be in there. Won't even be played at the cotton bowl. That's why I went to it a couple years back. And it's just like the Rose Bowl, where it's about half the size of like Gillette Stadium,

but holds like 110,000 people or something like that. And you're sitting there going, there's no way there's 100,000 people. It's like, yeah, there is, all there is is seats. And everybody's just jammed together on like fucking aluminum seats and stuff. So that Rose Bowl stadium is great. That's what that's just, I love going into that stadium and watching football every year. That's just, that's one of the best places you'll ever see anything in your life, sports related. I think I've been in some cool parks. You've been in a lot more than I have, but man, every time I step into that Rose Bowl stadium to watch that game and see those teams painted on the field, I don't know if there's a January 1st sunshine. I don't know if

there's anything, I don't know if there's a pound for pound, a sporting event that is a consistent thing, as great as the Masters is. I don't know, the Rose Bowl is great. Just to start the year off, dude, there's no bet. As far as like, it defines like, if you're, if you're like, the same kind of moron we are, right? Because we are morons. That's the perfect, perfectly. I'm kind of like this girl I was talking to, she's like, well, they don't, some people just don't understand. And I get, dude, you know what I did Thanksgiving day? I taped all the games. I watched the last one. I didn't watch the first two games. You don't actually did. I was like in a mellow mood and Nia didn't want to watch football. She wanted to watch the Westminster dog show. Oh,

I know what happened. I took my dog on a hike, right? And then I came back, went on like this fucking two hour hike, right? And come back and then I come in and she already has the Macy Day parade on. I'm like, Oh, here we go. Right. And some band was playing that song. Because I'm happy. Oh, yeah, yeah, they were killing it too. They were killing it. Right. And, you know, I like the drumline and that type of shit. I need more things that put me in a good mood anyway. So I'm not going to be, I'm not going to worry about admitting that I like that song. That's all right. Well, even if people laugh at you right now, you can't hear it. That's the greatest thing about this. You're in the bubble. So she wanted to watch it and I said, Ah, you know what?

Fuck it. It's Thanksgiving. I'm not going to argue. Let's do it. All right. Let's fucking watch it. And I totally got into it. And I, dude, I called it Verzi. I fucking, I can't say I knew the dog was going to win, but the one that I picked that I wanted to win, there was this fucking bloodhound. Was it a bloodhound? I love bloodhounds, right? And I made it to the final round. It was that there was a sick ass fucking Japanese dog because of an A. I don't know what it is, but it's fucking jacked. Awesome looking dog. Looks, I think they bred them to fight bears. There's so many, so much fucking information. I can't even remember. And the fucking bloodhound won. You know what he fucking, he got to the judge. All the dogs were sitting there all prim and

proper and that thing sat down as the thing came over. It sat on its ass and started scratching its ear or something like that. It's side. And then when the judge kind of lifted it's, you know, you know, hindquarters, come on, let's stand up. It just sort of looked at him and gave him a big fucking kiss on the face, you know, one big, you know, the giant fucking bloodhounds like getting a paintbrush to the face. And the judge looked away and then just couldn't even, he had this fucking ear to ear grin. And even the people announcing will laugh and going, I think that dog knows what it's doing, blah, blah, blah. And the fucking thing came in first because I was saying, yeah, I was going, there's no way they're giving it to a bloodhound.

There's no way are cool dogs. Yeah, I know. But when you just think like, you know, best in show, which is usually one of those foofy looking dogs, didn't what wasn't, what's his name? I had one in the finals in best in show in the movie. Stupid version. Christopher guest. Remember, he had the big was I never saw that movie. That's a funny movie. Fred Willard kills it in that in that movie. But anyway, he had in the finals, he had a blood Jane Lynch is in that movie. I got to see it. Christopher guest, all those guys, Harry Shear, all those guys, but I want to ruin it for me. The way I ruined a movie for everybody on on the podcast this week. Well, you do it the God, the girl girl. You ruined it.

I basically said that for fucking two hours and 15 minutes, it's a great movie. The final 15 minutes I didn't like. That's what I said. I probably shouldn't have said that. I should have just said there that I wasn't going to give out any more information. Go and see it. And you'll know, you'll know exactly what I'm saying. Hey, you want to do some questions here? Man, let's do some questions. I like doing the questions. All right, whistling in the bathroom. What the fuck up? What the fuck is up with dudes whistling in the men's room? They walk in whistling away, take their piss, wash their hands, dry off and leave in the entire time. They're fucking whistling. Why? It's weird. Knock that shit off. Do you

do you know why they do this? I would say that they're already a douchebag who walks around whistling. And when you go in there, the acoustics, the sound, it's like singing in the shower to them. And by the people who whistle in general are really like they're in their own fucking world. Because you can't, you're not just picking up on how fucking annoying it is. Right. And especially when you're just in a group of people that you're stranger in, you know, like that situation. But some people I think might be just happy that they're going to be touching themselves. Oh, so that's why he's happy? I don't know, man. Maybe going to go in there and see some dicks. Yeah, I don't know. That's a different angle.

Hey, all right. I'm like, it's kind of like stepping like, hey, all right, I'm happy about this decision I made. I'm in the men's room and they're going to be touching my dick and this is going to be great. Hey, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. That could be that could be what's going on. But I used to work in a warehouse and there was a guy that could whistle really well, but he'd do it and he'd wait for like guitar solos that would come on the radio and he would only whistle like three or four notes, but he did it every fucking day in the exact same register. Like he'd wait till the guitar solo got up to a certain point, he would always whistle a couple of fucking notes. And I think he did it for about six months before I finally just looked at him.

I go, why do you always do that? And he was like, do what? And I was like, whistle with the fucking guitar solo. It's like, you know, did even know he was doing it. So no, and he had this. And no, and you know, I felt bad after I said it because he was absolutely stunned. Like he had no idea. Like, dude, what he was looking at me like, dude, like I thought we were friends. I had to break a classic me back down a while back from years ago that I didn't know I was doing it. That was annoying people. And that was like this, like this real shriek through my teeth. Like, oh, Jesus, don't ever do that again. I'm not, I broke myself of it, but I wouldn't know I was doing it. And I got, I would do it in like, like either awkward, not awkward, like,

or some nervous situations or something or like thoughtful situations. And I wouldn't know that I was doing it. Like, I would fall into it. You ever fall into like a stair where you just can't see, like you just fall out and you're like, yeah, and I would do it. And I don't know what I would do. And people, you know, finally, somebody close enough, your friends are close enough that are just like, dude, would you do it? And you're like, uh, and then you're hearing enough times where you're like, all right, and then I consciously broke it. I don't do it anymore, which is great. I mean, it's been, there you go. It's been a long time. Everybody should do that. You want to be able to walk up to that guy in the men's room. Yeah. And be like, dude,

are you even aware that you walked in here whistling? No one wants to hear it. Yeah. There's always that guy too that like the old, old guys fart when they piss. It's fucking hilarious. They just fucking go in. They just have like those ones and they don't even smell. It's like it's so loud. It eats, it eats up to smell. You ever notice that noise of it just eats the smell? Oh my God, all the time, especially like at airports, you know what I mean? Like when you're ducking in at like the terminal and you know, you got there early, I can go in and have a nice little, just, you know, you know, take, you know, take my time in the restroom and you're just in there and you're trying to relax because,

you know, you can take your time and it's like, and there's like two, sometimes there's like two guys doing it. And they just, those, those guys just don't even give a fuck. How, dude, I've been in there and that's like almost every stall is packed. You've already taken a piss and you're up there trying to wash your hands, not touch anything. And they just be some guy. Right. And people, and what's funny is nobody says anything because you expect to hear it, you expect to smell it when you're in there. It's like, if that guy did that on the plane, you would either die laughing or fucking punch him in the face, but in the bathroom, it's just completely acceptable to just nobody gives a shit. And what's so funny is you're in

there and it's literally a complete stranger, like six feet away, just shitting. And what you're smelling is the air that's been up his ass. And you just don't even, you don't even give a fuck. You just say, yeah, man, I'm in a men's room. That's just what it is. And then you go out and you go out to fucking, you don't have a Chick-fil-A and you get a sandwich and you act like it never happened. Oh my God, dude, I'm dying right now. Yeah, it's fucking unreal. Oh my God, that's hilarious. Totally acceptable. All right, you ready for another one? That's worse than our experience in the steam room in fucking San Francisco. Oh Jesus, you're here, we can talk about this. Oh my God. That Asian guy, then he started cleaning his feet.

Remember that? Yeah, he started doing his feet. I thought he was giving himself a pedicure or he was doing that thing off the heel. And he was getting the dead skin off his fucking, and he was just letting him swing around. He just had like, he was almost like opening his thighs. It was very disturbing. I just think it was like a, I think it's just a different level of comfortableness. Like, you know, I saw the different, this of our comfortableness is the last people who owned this house was a gay couple. So they had that, that magazine that comes every once in a while. And I'm, I'm going like in the hell, like, these like cowboys would like assless chaps and they're sitting there and they got these looks, they got these looks on their face. And they got these

looks on their faces, like this, that same attitude, like a Victoria's secret model has, like, you know, you could never have this bitch. So I'm sitting there going like, so I'm sitting there trying to show it to Jay. And he literally, he's already standing up. He literally turns his back and is walking away going like, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't, I don't want to see that. I'm like, come on, gentlemen, look at the guy's mustache. I don't want to, I don't want to see this. Dude, you were so repulsed. Like I sat there going like, wait a minute. Is there something wrong with me? Am I me the fucking forward thinking here? I'm falling on the other side of the fence. Oh, dude, it's hilarious. It was like a magic

mic collector's item. No, it's like one of those, one of those right, but I'm just saying that's the other pictures. These are the way these guys were looking at you. They were about to strip. Oh, yeah. No, they had the exact same attitude as that was hilarious. Like, you're not good enough for this. What did you say? You'll never get this. Yeah, what do you do for a living, buddy? They did look like that. Yeah. All right. Transitioning to becoming a professional. I recently fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming a professional comic book artist. Congratulations, dude. Now there's a fun job for that provided you don't work for Disney because they'll probably take all the creativity out of it. What did I just say that skeptical as I was

that I would never find I'm just getting in there. Good gracious thing. I didn't have problem with the gay catalog. And now I just fucking blew it. No, guess who won't be doing a fucking, what is it? Avatar, whatever the fuck they do. It gives a shit. What do you want to do? Duck, something the ducks, something about the global warming with penguins. You won't be in the next ducks mighty ducks sequel. Right. But two computers that want to fuck. Was that another one? Short circuit. Is that what it's called? Is that the one from the 80s? No, the one that was like recent. I saw it. Neal loved it. It was there was like a computer and he liked the other computer. And then there was fat people who couldn't walk. And I'd never seen that one. They were so fat

they would start dragging each other around. That's some of the ideas that get shut down. And I just heard that that just didn't I mean, just on the rough sketch of what you said is just like what a computer like him and he liked her and fat people. Oh, hang on. Let me finish reading this skeptical as I was that I would ever finding six what skeptical as I as I was that I would ever find I guess find success not finding I have always prepared for the eventual accordingly. What knowing the transition from amateur to professional would be arduous. Dude, you should have been a fucking writer. However, it has been surprising to find that the most difficult aspect of the job is not what was expected such as meeting deadlines, working

with established professionals, satisfying my editor center, but something I hadn't much accounted for. What is causing me anxiety and filling me with dread is that in a few months time, a relatively large swath of Americans will be in possession of my work, pawing and prodding, casting judgment upon it. I imagine it akin to witnessing my child stillborn. Jesus Christ, dude. Certainly a dramatic comparison, but my paranoia is rampant. My question to you is what is your advice for dealing with artistic growth in the public eye, not limited to the negative. I imagine the positive side can have as many drawbacks. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Dude, this is a very contemporary question. This is this is one of

the dangers of the internet now. Long setup. Where? Oh yeah, absolutely. Well, it is a passionate thing here. Plus half the reason they write in this long is because they want to hear me struggle. Sure. They think I love it. They think I don't know. I don't know what they're doing. I know what they're doing. Yeah, I would just say when you put it out there, you just don't go on Twitter. Don't do it. Like if it's doing well, that's all you need to worry about. Okay. And even then, all you can really worry about is you did what you thought was awesome and people either like it or they don't and fuck them. You move on to the next thing, but you really got to develop a tough skin for this type of thing. And you know, there's going to be a couple people no matter

what you do. I mean, I went to the Sistine Chapel and made fun of it and look at me. I can't even fucking draw a goddamn stick figure. So I mean, just take that with a grain of salt that that's going to happen. Like I got a special coming out this week. You know, I'll get some good shit. I'll get some bad shit, but you know, I take all of it like I don't give a fuck. As long as people keep coming out to my shows, I know that there's people that don't like what I do. I know there's people that think I stake. I know that there's people that, you know, might not like whatever. And it's just a part of it. And if you're going, if you're going to put your shit out there, which you want to do because you want to make a name for yourself or you wouldn't be

pursuing this, you're just going to have to develop that tough skin. So give yourself time to develop it. If somebody says something negative, because I know you're still going to read them because it's your first one. And if they say something negative and it makes you feel bad, that's completely normal. But afterwards kind of examine the fact that you let somebody who you don't even know what their background is. They probably can't draw it all. And you allowed them to ruin a part of your day that you're never going to get back. And you start looking at that way. Eventually you'll get over with, go get over it, right? What would you say? Well, I would say he's a cartoon guy, right? Like a cartoon strip. Yes, he is. The thing about that is if you're a little leery about how it gets

accepted in the public eye or whatever, I cool thing about being a cartoon strip is you can kind of go under a ghost name or a written name and you can kind of put your thing out there. Like you said, put it out there. You don't have to go to Twitter or anything. See how people receive it. And then when the criticism dues comes, like they are going to come because that's just what people do. And especially in this, in a thread comment reality that we live in, no matter what's posted or what's shown, you can kind of maybe at least protect yourself a little bit, you know, knowing that it's a ghost name or a written name or a pen name. And you can kind of try to accept it that way and feel like, well, I can step into this person now and own it as me.

Yeah, no matter what you make, you know what I mean? They're going to shit all over it. They're going to shit all over it. And just no matter what you fucking do, some people, they're not even serious. They're doing that trolling thing, which is really the easiest fucking thing to do. Oh, yeah. But as fun as hell. It's fun to do that. I understand why people do it. So all right. Last one here is we're winding down. 24 year old virgin. Dear Billy blue balls. I am a 24 year old man who has somehow never pulled the trigger. I've had plenty of chances, but whether it's been the condom breaking whiskey disc, whiskey dick, he's trying to write, or just straight nerves. I've never been able to pull it off. I've recently moved into a new apartment and this fact is,

is keeps slapping me in the face. I'm having to make up sexual encounters to tell my friends and hope they never run into that girl and hope it comes up in conversation. Well, dude, if you're going to make a check up, don't be have it be somebody real. You said I set up profiles on plenty of fish and tender, but it comes out these guys like this must be as a young guy. So I don't even know what the fuck that means, but I haven't had much luck and don't really want to fuck a bunch of fat chicks. I almost broke down and got a hooker online. Don't do that. Called the number, never set an appointment, but the fear of getting in trouble slash feeling like a loser stopped me. Plus, dude, you're going to, you're going to get, you're going to get a disease that way,

dude. You're going to go from having this fucking pristine dick to it's just going to look like fucking roadkill. You know, after one at bat, man, you don't want to do that. You got to ease into the hooker's people. Anyways, I don't have David Cho, C H O E. And do you know what that is? C H O E. No idea. Who does he play for, dude? Never heard of him. I don't have David Cho type money to go on a traveling whore venture. And I'm getting sick of failed attempts, whether they are online or in person. I feel as if it is affecting my confidence with women and my life in general. I realized that whoever I bang first, I'm going to be awful. That is influenced to, I would approach because I wanted to spare myself the embarrassment of the potential situation.

What do you think is the best thing to do? Keep trying to get normal girls or just go on the back page of hotel six spending spree. No, from one Irish guy from mass to another. Love to stand up, protect podcasts and thanks to the vice go fuck yourself. I would say you got to get out in front of this son. You got to come clean. Like you're so ashamed over something you shouldn't be ashamed of, um, that this is causing you to do something you don't want to do, which is go fuck a hooker. You don't want to do that. That's going to be horrific. You could get arrested. You can get a disease. You get a disease and get arrested. It could turn out to be a dude. It could be a zillion fucking things traumatic that could happen for you. So what I would do is

just just fucking, you know, so stupid, but just be yourself. This is you. You're 24 year old virgin. I don't know why it hasn't happened. You put it out there. It's actually a confident fucking move. Don't tell it to some blabbermouth cunt. Just approach a woman that you actually are attracted to and like you actually like who she is. That's the one you want to be with. Okay. You don't want to be with some fucking, you know, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Are you some cut like that? You know, you might be go from a virgin to, uh, you know, you get your first murder in there. You know, that seems like one of those things. You're a 24 year virgin. You'd accidentally push it too hard. She'd whack her head. Oh my God. Get up. Sure.

He had a motive. I mean, this guy could never get laid. You know what I mean? Like, and they bring you in. The guy's breaking you down. You never had sex. Did you? Did you? Took all the other ones out on her? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. I want answers. Exactly. Yeah. I think be yourself. But here's the thing is I think this guy's a little concerned about, um, like how he's going to perform to what the girls are going to think of him. So that's why he's thinking he's he's in the hooker realm. Like it's like they're paid not to laugh at me. You know what I mean? Like it's almost like it's sure sex and I can kind of figure my way out. They're not going to teach anything either. They're just going to fucking lay. Right. But he's maybe thinking that that's why I

say the play is you're 24. If you got some friends or whatever the story is or wherever you hang out, you might like have a favorite bar or something to do. Listen, it may sound a little shallow, but if I think of it gets you through what you're going through, which I think I know what you're going through is, you know, find out who liked the, the, like in your age group, because they are, are like the loose girl, like without being a prostitute, like the chick that's been banging some guys around the scene for a little bit and not really, no, I'm serious. Like this is a way to get laid. This is a way to get a real person without all that other stuff. Still kind of be yourself. You can even, but he wants to keep the fact that he's a virgin under wraps. That's fine.

This girl is not going to keep, you think that girl's going to keep her mouth shut? Nobody do, you don't even tell her, you just go into it with a little bit of confidence. She's, because that's why I say do the whore, because she's going to help you figure it out. She's not going to, she's enough of a kind of a loose girl to just, so you're saying he just sits in a chair, takes it out and goes, get on. So then she's got to handle the fucking entry there. So he won't fuck that up. He just sits, he, that's what you do. You go out and you buy a throne at a fucking yard sale, right? You get one of those biggy crowns and she comes over, right? And you just fucking Herman Munster. That's who you sound like when you're doing that.

Lilian. No, no, I, I look, well, this is the first thing I do, stop being so fucking hard on yourself. And it's not that big a deal. It really isn't that big a deal. And if you told your friends, you know, if they laugh at you, whatever, guys break balls, but they're going to try to help you. They're going to try to fucking help you out. But there's always going to be a couple of douchebags and who gives a fuck if they go and they say, who cares? Half the fucking people, you know, with 24, not even half, most of them, you're never going to fucking see again. Exactly. That's why I'm saying, take your dick out. I'm saying that, you know, in a perfect world, Bill, yeah, you meet a really nice girl, you are yourself. Yeah, that's a perfect world.

It's a movie. It's a movie. Listen, and you're still 24. That's going to happen a little later down on the road. You're going to be an experienced, confident guy and you're going to meet the right person. You're going to be able to really be yourself in this instant to get this thing out of the way. You got it. Like you said before, you said you got to get out in front of this thing. I say you got to put it behind you in a sense too, because it's like, you got to be able to pick it up and move on and go to the next, you know, have the condom on when you walk into the bar. I'm just saying, next stage of your life, I say, find the, you know, start finding out, like hanging out with them a little bit, like cute girls that are just kind of out there having fun.

They will hold your hand through the fun, man. I'm telling you, you won't even have to tell them that you're a virgin. And guess what? At the end of the day, you won't have to tell anybody you're a virgin because you won't be a virgin anymore. Jay Lawhead, ladies and gentlemen, Jay Lawhead will be performing at the Lorraine Palace Theater, December 27th. Tickets are online. If you go to my website, actually, you can go to Jasonlawhead.com because the ticket link is kind of long. There's a banner at the homepage. You can click on the banner. It goes right to the site. We got like a group pack for holiday pack for a little discount. If you buy like, you know, a certain amount, but there are 15 bucks a piece. It's going to be a great show. December 27th. What time?

8pm. 8pm. Lorraine, Ohio. Lorraine, Ohio, man. And it's the release of my debut CD. You've never heard of me, which I'm excited about putting out and putting that material behind me too, man. I am as excited about that show as I am seeing what you're going to cook up this year at the Rose Bowl. Ribs, buddy. Bison burgers in the morning for like omelettes. And then the Bison burgers in during the, you know, that middle part. And then the feast before kickoff will be ribs. Oh, it's going to be unbelievable. And then I got the Cuban cigar hooked up. It's going to be ridiculous. That's part of it when he gets excited. I could drink a hundred of these for God. All right. That's the podcast for this week. I hope you guys all had a happy Thanksgiving.

We better make a stop. You better make it soon before you break my heart. What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL edition. We are previewing week number. Dude, I can't even believe we're going into week number 13 of the NFL season, dude. I remember literally being excited at the beach that a week from now is week one and we are less than two months away from it being over, but we're going into saying how fast it goes. Oh my God, dude. We are ready for week 13. We're going to talk about everything that happened in week 12. But first, we got to talk about our great sponsor. It's the Bet MGM. Bet MGM has the best money lines, most current up to date money lines that there is. Okay.

How do you get Bet MGM if you listen to the show? It's very simple. You download the app. You use bonus code BRR, B-U-R-R. You'll get 100% risk free bet up to 1000 on your first wager. Here's how it works. You download the Bet MGM app. You sign up when it says, do you have a bonus code? You say yes, B-U-R-R. That's BRR. You deposit at least $10 and place your first wager on any game. You'll receive up to 1000 free bets if your bet loses. Just make sure you use bonus code BRR when you sign up. Folks, I don't know what to tell you. Me and Bill are beside ourselves with the Monday night special. Don't know what to tell you. We are trying. We are trying. We've been close. Listen, man, we're right there. I believe I'm a half a game

back. I went two and two, which makes me 23, 24, and one. Look, man. This year, dude, how difficult this year has been as far as the Jekyll and Hyde of, I swear to God, 60% of the teams, it's just like, who the fuck are you? They really got parity to a whole other level. Dude, my whole theory last week of like, if you get more than eight points, just take the dog because you're going to get that backdoor cover. Fucking unbelievable, man. I hit the giant. I went one and three. I hit the Giants game on Thanksgiving. I'm like, all right, man. I might go two and two, three and one. Who knows? And on Sunday, I went, oh, and three. The one fucking game that drove me nuts was the Rams

game. I remember who the hell they were playing. It was like, how many points were they getting? The Chiefs and they were playing the Chiefs. They were getting 15 fucking points. So that down by the down by 16, and it's the classic. The Rams are getting the ball with like a minute and a half back. I'm like, all right, Chiefs are going into the prevent. They're just going to give up a touchdown or at least let them go down and get four shots at the end zone. I got a chance at the backdoor cover. Paul, they were up 16 points to the minute and a half. The fucking corners are like, right up on the fucking line, playing defense. And I'll tell you, and it worked. They had like a three and out. They didn't even get a fucking first down. And I'm like, yeah, it's like, I can't, I feel

like the Monday night special. Anytime we go under, it goes over. Anytime we go over, it goes under. Dude, right now I am, I am a fucking cornered gambler in the dark, just swinging wildly trying to catch the book. And he's got those fucking night vision goggles. I'm getting the shit kicked out of me. I feel like every time you've taken the Giants this year, they've got a win for you, right? I haven't taken them much, but I feel like they have. Yeah, yeah, I feel like they have. Yeah, it's a weird dude. I don't know who the Falcons are. I don't know who the Saints are. I don't know who, dude, this is just- Oh, the fucking Falcons. They had a goddamn ball. They gave them the whole fucking backdoor cover. Dude, what would they be doing if they didn't

have their destiny in their fucking hands and they just throw a pick or take a fucking sack? I should have known better. I love Marcus Mariota. I think he got benched early in his fucking career. The guy's showing that he can play. But good Lord, dude, the Falcons are the Bermuda Triangle of the NFL. You go down there. You don't know what's good. People just disappear. You know what, dude? I got to tell you something because this is the first time I ever saw this. You know me. I'm a positive. I hang on to a player. But no, he's all right. He's good. When Brett Farve went to the Vikings, dude, he's having a good year. What are you, Tom Brady? No, dude, listen, it had been a test of Verdi 43. But for the first time, I saw a guy last week

that I know is done. And I mean, when I tell you what he's done, he's done. He made something. First of all, he was like nothing in the first half. And then he did make some passes in the second half. No tank left. And I think that's why he got benched. But I think I watched Matt Ryan in his last season. It's a fucking wrap, dude. You just watched it. They were like trying to- Dude, he went like first pass, almost pick, second pass pick, third pass, nobody was there. Dude, Troy Aikman was like trying to- They were just like, yeah, you know, he's, you know, well, it was like, it was like- He slings it. He's not afraid to sling it. And listen, Matt Ryan, I would say, would you say great career or good career?

I think he had a- I don't think he had a Hall of Fame career, but he had a great career where it's just like, dude, he played for the Falcons. Okay. And the guy was really successful. And so much of it is who you end up with because one of the biggest curses in the NFL, at least back in the day, I don't know now what the priority, but back in the day is if you were the number one quarterback prospect coming into the draft, you were going to go to the worst team in the league with no offensive line, and you were going to take like 10 years of punishment in three years. So that's why a few guys, LA, Eli, I think, and you know, guys going, I'm not, I'm not fucking playing over there. Let me ask you a question, Bill, in your memory,

who's the guy that you remember watching going? Oh, this is, we're not going to see him next year. Do you remember as far as quarterback? Oh, what? You mean like it's towards the end of their career? Like you're watching them and you're going, yeah, dude, this is not the same guy. I think he should retire. Like you're watching it though. Like real time you're watching a game going, oh, dude, that's not the same guy. Who would you say? I don't know. No quarterback really sticks out. I would say, because dude, this, you know, ever since the age of like PEDs and shit, yeah, like this, these guys, they start to dip and then they come back for like three, four years, which is just a clear sign. Yeah. I can tell you this, dude, you hit 37 and you start, you're

going down. It's a grease till unless you go to the pharmacy. Do you want to hear the, somebody's list of top athletes who should have retired earlier? Yeah, go ahead. Oh, in football. Okay. Well, this is all sports. It's only like fine, but the number one, and we don't know because it's a lot, but Michael Jordan, I don't know about that. Brett Favre, Jerry Rice. Yeah, those guys all hung on too long, but I always put guys that were that great to me. It's like you're, you're just there inability to retire is also what made him great. So I don't, I don't look at it like Jerry Rice went to Jerry Rice, go to a Super Bowl as a Raider, right? You know what's funny is when it got when a guy, what did you say he went to the Hall of Fame as

a Raider? No, he went to the Super Bowl as a Raider, which is really fucking, which is not talked about, but him and Tim Brown were Raiders and Rich Ganon was the quarterback and they went and lost a Super Bowl. Am I right? Yeah, I'm right about that, I think. Yeah, Tampa, they lost to Tampa. They lost to Tampa. That was when Ron de Barber, Tiki's brother was the MVP. He was a defensive back and that was the, the, the Tony Dungey ring. Tony Dungey took over for Gruden and a lot of people were like, oh, Gruden grew that team. Warren Sapp got a ring that year. Oh yeah. And remember when, when, yeah, Gruden won with the Bucks and they wouldn't give it up and be like, oh, that was Tony Dungey's team. He goes, yeah, but he played his own fucking team. Oh,

that's right. It was, I had it reversed. It was, it was Gruden got it and they said it was Dungey's team. Yeah, which was so stupid. Um, all right, well, let's get into week 13. No, no, no, I got one for you. Okay. What's funny is when a guy starts losing his skills and he starts getting mad. Yeah, it's like an old man. I saw a basketball player do it. I love him too much to say his name, but he just, I mean, like, Oh, can we talk about that? By the way, dude, like the level of fucking cursing that these guys do when they're clearly saying the F word. And it's a, I used to think, oh, like, how are they like, I watched the end of the USC, um, UCLA game and it was a fucking great game and it was two great quarterbacks.

And, uh, unfortunately the guy I was rooting for UCLA, he threw a pick in the end. He tried to force one in there and USC USC gets the ball back and their quarterback, I think ran for a first down or something like that, the game and a dude, he took his fucking helmet off, dude. And I think he said every curse word you could possibly say and the cameras right on him. He just said, yeah, motherfucking fucking cunt, fucking bitch, who are fucking, that's what the fuck we do. Fucking, fucking, fuck, fuck, motherfucking, like right on his face. And I'm just sitting there going like, this is like network television afternoon network. I know it's like, it's a comic. I can't do that. And this guy's sitting there and they're going like, he's excited.

I mean, this is such a big win for USC and he's going, fuck it, eat my fucking ass. You fucking whores. I mean, there's a thing. It doesn't offend me. I actually think it's fucking hilarious how these kids today, anytime they win a game or do something, they act like they're in 300. And I always wanted, you know what I actually thought of a funny sketch was to put one of them back in the day and have them run for a first down and then get out and be like, oh, and have all those dick butt-kiss guys just look at it. Then on the next play that like twisting his foot around and the ref's not throwing a flag because it's not illegal. You know what's funny too is like, if Al bless you, if Al Michaels or like one of those guys

like Brent Musburger, when they're talking very elegantly about the game and they're like, wow, you know, it's a big third down coming down and this and all of a sudden you just hear a guy go, fuck you and then TV and you know, Al Michaels heard it and he's just like, you could tell though that they try to like play it out. I just think it's like Kevin Garnett. Anytime Kevin Garnett got an and one mother effort up on his face. Jesus Christ. The best thing about KG was if he dunked it hard or made a big shot, he back pedaled and you just always heard a mouth motherfucker. Oh, fucking motherfuckers always. Um, yeah, listen, you know, here's a guy. Here's a guy who got mad at the end of his career. Oh, yeah, Josh Beckett. Yes, yes, Josh Beckett rather than doing what I

saw Pedro do great one develop another pitch, which obviously is a hard fucking thing to do. He got like, he got like Matt and I remember like watching him because I love Josh Beckett. That was hard to watch was just like, dude, that's one of the greatest fucking memory. That is one of the greatest things I've heard somebody saying to remember that because he would get like because he was dominant and then he wasn't. And when he went to the Marlins, he wasn't. And when they would ask him questions, he was fucking bitter, dude. That's because he didn't cheat, Paul, because he didn't cheat. Yeah, he was like some other angry guys that I've seen. He would have just done the PEDs and then one another fucking 50 games and gone over 300 and people be like, oh, should this guy

be in the hall? Yeah. Yeah. And I think also coaches, I think coaches when Dennis Green rest his soul, I think Dennis Green passed away. But when Dennis Green goes, they were who we thought they were. And we let him off the hook. When he screamed that and did that, I think that that was his going like, this was my shot. Like this is my this is my last run. I didn't like I didn't like acting like he wasn't making a fucking point. He's like, we knew who the fuck they were. He knew what they were. He was basically saying, you know, lead on your fight, your older brother, and you actually to the point where you can beat him, you just don't know how to win. So you start winning and it doesn't feel for me. And then they start beating you. It's like, oh,

yeah, this is what I'm comfortable with. That's what he was with. So I thought it was an impassioned speech and all of that. And I hate how they just anytime a coach loses his shit, they don't necessarily listen to what he's saying. They just immediately make fun of him for flipping out and, you know, and it turns into memes and shit. But I imagine his imagine his mother at the dinner table with the song. What happened? I heard you almost beat your brother today. What happened? He is who I thought he was. And I let him off the hook. All right, well, all right, let's get into the gambling. I actually I actually looked at the I looked at this five minutes ago when I grabbed my coffee and I'm gonna say I like some of these

games. I like some of these games. I like some of these lines. Hey, Paul, that makes one of us. I hate it this week. Did you? All right. Well, all right, you lead the charge, dude. You lead the Somebody's got to beat the book. It ain't gonna be me. You know, as I was scrolling and I saw the one game that hit me first that I really I really like their chances. I'm gonna go it's week 13. So I do get the first pick right Andrew just double check. Okay, I'm gonna take the home Vikings. I like the home Vikings. I know that they're given three points. But you know what the Jets are in disarray with the quarterback. They benched their first round pick. They got this kid Mike White who's good. But he's also now going into a hostile environment. And let's be honest,

the might the Vikings are a better team by three. I like that. I see if I lose that game, I think it would be a push instead of a loss. There you go. Taking Vikings mind like that too. Because I think when the Vikings got smoked by the Cowboys, all of a sudden everybody just flipped and said they stunk. So I don't think that's the case. Because the Cowboys are now not invincible. I like that pick. God damn it, Paul. I like that that goddamn pick. I got all my I got like eight games in front of me right here that I would put money on it. I don't know which one's going to pop out at me. All right, I don't know why why are the Chiefs only minus two and a half in Cincinnati? I don't understand that. I saw that I didn't get I think I'm going to take that one

because I think you know, the Chiefs know how to win. I think they still have enough guys left from their Super Bowl run. I think that they know that they need to turn it on this time of year. And Bengals are still a little wet behind the ears and also a little erratic week to week. And I feel like the Chiefs are just marching towards, you know, being the dominant team, especially with Buffalo. I don't know what's going on with those guys and their defense, which has sort of been underwhelming. So I'm going to take the Chiefs lay in two and a half, Paul, going into Cincinnati. I'm going to say they're going to lay off those wonderful ribs that they make in that incredible city. And they're going to come away by three. I love that pick. Miners.

That's a great. It's one of those picks where it's like gun to your head. That's what you would take. All right, look, I early on, I took my Giants and it was good for me twice, I believe. Then I didn't want to touch them against the Lions because I know my team. So you're talking about some chick you used to hook up with. It was good for me twice. Next time I'm hanging out with her. She smells like a cunt. She had like that red wine, gray teeth and stuff, you know, just stuff. But I think that the Giants are have back to back losses. And this is another division game and it's at home and they're disrespected. The last time the Giants had a winning record and

they're a dog at home. Oh, that's talked about in the locker room. I'm going to take my New York football Giants having to beat the Washington commanders. They're getting two and a half at home. They got to make a statement and start winning. So look, it's a big part of their season now, especially to get in the wildcard. I'm going to take the Giants plus two and a half. All right, I like that. I like that pick. All right, I'm a little confused about what I'm a little confused here. What I'm going to do next. I don't know, I've been betting the Titans all year and they've just been good to me. And I know the Eagles are a good team. I know that they're home. But I just think Tennessee, I just like that organization. I like their coach and they're

getting four and a half. If it was three, I'd go Eagles. I like the four and a half. Titans obviously have a running game, right? That fucking lunatic's not hurt this week, is he? I don't know anybody's name anymore, Paul. I shouldn't even be doing this. I'm going to go with the Tennessee Titans getting four and a half, Paul. Nice little balanced attack. All right. I took a favorite. Now I got a dog. I saw that game and I was like, yeah, that's a tough line. Hey, it's a rough one, Paul. It's a rough one. Okay. A game that I find interesting, dude, is the Niners and Dolphins. That's another line. The Dolphins are good, man. The Dolphins are good. What about that 49ers defense, dude? Good defense. Paul Verzi does

a good defense, still beat a good offense. I was looking at that one, too. I like the Dolphins, but I... San Fran's got a great offense, too, dude. And they got an Italian, a quarterback, Paul. What are we doing here? I'm going to take the Miami Dolphins getting four. Oh, I know it's a big one. It's a big one. Hey, that's what she said. Look, this is one I could be completely wrong or... Hey, do you ever notice when we do this, do you ever feel like you're going to be right or wrong with your pick in early second quarter, beginning third quarter? Like, you get a sense of the game or no? No, I did get a sense of the game of the Falcons game when you texted me, hey, that Falcons pick looks great. I immediately thought, well, I just lost that fucking game. Can you believe that,

I couldn't... Who does that? The game is going on. I'm winning my bet and he texts me, hey, your Falcons pick looks great. Tear up the tickets. Tear up the tickets. You gave me the mush on that one. Okay, hey, it's over. It's over. Don't even look. I love, I love, don't even look. Don't even look. Don't even look. By the way, is there anything funnier than a horse race better watching the thing and having the up and down emotions? It might be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. That's just, there's a sadness. It's really being romanticized. The generate gambler horse and dog track people. There's a fucking sadness to that dude. Because there's a game every day of the week, dude. And you only get paid once a week.

I don't know, dude. That Miami one is my wildcard. I'm scared of it. But go ahead. What do you got? I'll say this. I think that that's going to be a great game. All right. All right. That's going to be a great game. I think that that's going to great offense versus a great defense. And with all these rule changes, Paul, and also Paul, hey, you know something though, they're really saying that guy that coaches the dolphins is like an offensive genius. So I don't, I don't, you know, I know the 49 is Paul isn't like genius. Paul, all right. Oh, no, no. Here's why. Because they did that. And they did that with the Jets man genius. And then that went to shit. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Whoa. Don't fucking put him in with

goddamn New York media. New York media. There's a fucking rapper on the ground. They can fucking make that things. I don't mean like an emcee. I mean like a fucking hot dog rapper. They can fucking make that thing look like it's the greatest thing ever. The rapper on the ground. I was like, who's rapping on the ground? I was rapping on the ground. Is this some new genre bill? Don't push me because I'm close. Who's your third pick? No, I think that what that guy the way he's using, he's not just using Tyreek Hill like, okay, he's fast sent him out there. He's using his speed to get this to fucking not only get the other guy open to get Tyreek more open. I watched the whole breakdown on this fucking thing where they do what they put Tyreek in

motion. And then he comes along to their number two receiver and they're both fucking blazing. And people don't know what to do. Okay, they find that space Paul, they find that space in one of those fucking, I don't know, I'm in over my head. I hope my pick is right. I think it's gonna be a great game. All right, I'm gonna shut the fuck up for once here. All right, I'm gonna go with, I don't know why Paul, why do I do the things that I do, Paul? I'm gonna take the Lions plus one over the Jags. I think what's his face? Jared Goff. I think he got a bad fucking deal out there in Los Angeles. I think he's way better than people think. And I was impressed with them on Thanksgiving. And then also gonna have all these extra days off.

They're playing the fucking Jaguars. Right. Okay. Oh, I didn't like that response at all. You know why? Just because both of those teams are so weird to me. The Jags in Detroit, they could be down 14 and a third and then you look across the bottom and it's tied. It's just one of those. Paul, let's be honest. You don't like the pizza in either city. So it's just affecting how you look. I'll be honest with you. I was gonna say. Oh, Detroit. Bill, you know there's a game tonight. I feel like Detroit's pizza is what Chicago thinks their pizza is. Oh shit, shots fired right there. Oh, yeah. Chicago pizza, it's a pie. It's like a, it's like, it's literally like a pie. You can't eat it by yourself. You can't just go out and get a slice. Detroit style. It's like a crispy,

like a crispy Sicilian slice, but soft. I'll tell you what, dude, Detroit style pizza. That crust dude. Oh, the crust around it. Oh, let's be honest, dude, you bite something and it crunches. It's fucking incredible when it's, you know what I mean? There's a game tonight, Bill. Oh, there is. There's a game tonight. Oh, is that Paul? Who's playing tonight? And uh, this is a weird line to me. I don't know why is it only three and a half? It's only three and a half. You guys are at home. Everything says stay away. The part of me thinks the bills win. I don't know. This is my fourth and final pick, correct, Andrew? I got the giants, the Vikings, the dolphins and number four. Who's it? I'll tell you who I'm done with. I'll tell you

who I'm done with. I know what you're done with. I'm done with the Packers and I'm done with the Colts. Goodbye. You've been done with the Packers. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of like them this week, but that's funny. I like the Bears. No, this is, this is tough, dude. This is, this is why this week, I don't know who the Rams are getting seven. I don't know who the Texans are. I mean, all right. All right, dude. I'm going to do something. I'm going to do something I don't want to do, but you know something. It's not ever going to end. They've won two in a row and it seems like, I don't want to say the ship is righted just yet, but they're happy. They're hugging each other and they finally feel like they figured something out.

This will be the last time I take them if I get burned, but I am going to take the one-point home favorite, Las Vegas Raiders versus the team that I said was going to go to the Super Bowl against the Chargers. Okay. It's one for, why do you keep going back to this relationship? It's, it's one point. They're at home and you got back-to-back wins. One thing I've learned watching these things behind the scenes stuff is they say in the NFL after that first couple wins, dude, something happens in the building. I'm going to ride with that and see. It's one point. Might as well be a coin toss. I think the Raiders figured something out. You know, Paul, just to make it fun this week, I'm going to take the Chargers.

Okay. I'm just going to take, I didn't even have that game on the books. I don't, I hate when you do that because you're head to head. I hear who head to head. You're fucking kicking ass, man. Look at you. I had one head to head assassin this week. You got your Jordan hat on. No, dude, I had one head to head with you. I won this year. Last year, I think we went head to head five times. I think you won four or maybe fall five. So I know, but you know something, you ended up winning by a half a game and I did the same thing last year. I had an emotional response to something and that week ended up fucking me. And last week, I had an emotional

response to the cover, to the cover two, the fucking prevent defense. And I was trying to prove a point. And what happens when you try to prove a point, Paul? You go one in three. By the way, I think going back, so Andrew, just so you know, our fourth pick is my Raiders minus one, his Chargers plus one. I think that prevents shit because remember we were talking last week and I go, not all teams do it and you go, who doesn't do it? And I know, I know that everybody I bet on last week, I think it's the coaches, dude. I think the coaches are the fucking ones that are like, that are like the scared coaches, the coaches that don't fucking, I think it's what do they call it? Marty ball?

Well, Marty, but Marty balls, what the US soccer team did against fucking Iran. I don't know why they, by the way, let's talk about that for a second, dude. By the way, watch that game, dude, I've watched every minute of every World Cup game. And I'm so by the way, the captain shout out to Tyler Adams, the captain, 23 years old went to high school with his mom. She was a year older and his uncle was in my grade. And this kid is 23 years old. He's the captain. He's playing phenomenal. Dude, if you watch, I watched every minute. We don't, we actually, if you look at the shots on go, they couldn't even touch the fucking ball. Dude, they got into that scared, they got into that scared thing where I thought Iran was going

to score. But you can do that in soccer, though. There was a fucking team in on the Premier League Arsenal. They used to have, they used to sing one nil Arsenal, they go up one nothing. And then they just go into this fucking defense that you couldn't beat was frustrating as hell to watch. Dude, the last five minutes I was jumping out of my skin, dude. I was like, because, because if they tie, they're out. And I was like, but I got, I got, I got one for you. Oh, I got one for you. I don't know. It'll be bet. I'm bet MGM. Maybe you could do a polly pick. I'm bet MGM. I'm putting out. I mean, I don't want to jinx anybody. I'm, I'm betting that US beats the Netherlands. I think we're going to go to eight, dude. I think, and here's why I'll just give

you my reasoning. That game Saturday, right? That game is Saturday at 10 a.m. my time, seven a.m. your time. Dude, we played England, who's the number five team in the world. We had way more shots on goal. We looked like we fuck if you watched that game, even though it ended in a tie, if you watched that game and you just have to choose who won, I think we clearly won. Wales got that goal late against us. Dude, we look really, really good, man. Can I ask you a question? Have we ever beaten England in the World Cup just in a match? Uh, Andrew, can you could probably figure that out now? But, you know, I think that that was the first time we've beaten them, or at least in the last. That would be like when we lost to

Australia in that boat race that no one get that no one also doesn't give a shit about in this country. Hang on. I got one. I got one for you, Bill. What's that? If if by some crazy chance, okay, if all of a sudden this young us men's football team football club, if this football organization, if this men's us national team by some crazy miracle gets through Netherlands gets to the eight, all of a sudden penalty shots to win gets to the four and pulled this off. Let's just say the United States wins a World Cup. Let's say that's got it. That's bigger than the 1980. Do you believe in miracles, right? No, no. Okay. No, because that was amateurs playing a professional fucking team. Okay, we were amateurs. They didn't have an

NHL over there. So they had all their Gretzky's and Lemieux's playing against guy to like most of those guys didn't even have an NHL career. No, no, I'm asking because I don't know but like I was saying like if we played Brazil or like Ronaldo and only because people shit on a cold war with Brazil either it's it's it's completely different. Rocky never fought a guy from Brazil. There's a reason for that. No, the ultimate record. Rocky's next nemesis is from Portugal. No, I think it would be hilarious if we won the World Cup, the complete lack of people showing up to the championship parade. I was joking on my podcast that it was like a fucking be like a WNBA championship parade. That reminded me of the SP joke or we were whatever I sent one in or something

that said after the LA Kings won the Stanley Cup, the streets of Los Angeles was filled with people saying what's going on. No, what happened? Oh, what happened? All right, Bill, it's time. I hate I almost feel silly doing it but you know what time it is. Can I give you the the record England USA? It's all time head to head. England has won eight. USA has won two. There was one draw. England has scored a total of 39 goals. USA has scored a total of seven in all their matchups. When was the last time we beat them? The 1940s after they were won by Germany? We came so close when Pelesik hit the top bar. I think it's called the crossbar. Crossbar.

Isn't a crossbar football? No. It's a goal post. 90s, June of 90s. I think a crossbar in general on goals is just the one that's horizontal. On top, yeah. June of 93 is the only one I could see. It looks like there's only I only see one. June of 93 is how many years? Oh, geez, dude. I can tell you this, dude. We haven't beaten them since I've been paying attention, which I don't really pay attention, but I mean, I mean, like, all right, Bill, we got to win people some money here and you got to do, you know what time it is. I don't put the pressure on. We don't have to fucking do anything. They're big boys and big girls out there gambling. All right. And by the way, we're fucking, we're getting three quarters of the

fucking pic right. So somebody, if they just zig a zag here, maybe you'll fucking get it. God knows we haven't. All right, Bill, you got to sing the song. I mean, it's not a, oh, sorry. It's gonna make me have a coughing fit here. All right, let the midnight special midnight. Oh, sorry. The Monday night special. Well, that's the song. Win some money for you. That's the song I'm doing. Let the Monday night special. I can hit once this year. We have the New Orleans Saints going to Tom Brady's home in Tampa playing the bucks. It is minus three and a half for the bucks. The under over is 40 and a half. Oh, boy. Well, I think we could say Tommy to throw one. Yep. All right. Definitely that Brady to throw on that one. I would guys that one out. They had a bad week last week. Let's take

the fucking over. Let's say Tom throws one. And I don't know. Tom throws one the over. And do you want to give the Saints the points or do you think the Tampa wins a game by four? Oh, that's what we say. I was going to say that that kid Kamara scores one. Four, Paul. Why does it have to be four? Why can't it be three? Gundy ahead. Does Brady beat the division rival Saints by four in Florida on Monday night, though? It's actually it is Tom's Monday night, though. Yeah, I think he does. We had that whole conversation earlier about playing too long. I don't think he's doing because he had his best statistical season last year.

It's just that they got a new head coach and they got all this other type of shit. And he's dealing with, you know, by the way, the clock management of the new coach. I don't know if you saw that game, but like he let the time go down and it was bad, dude. Like he that Todd blows my mind at the pro level where I feel like to even get the job. One of the first things you should know how to do is manage the clock. Yeah. That's kind of like, you know, by the way, you got to know how to yell at an official, you know, to get him to maybe give you a call and not get a fucking technical or thrown out of the game or a flag or something like that. There's certain just shit you should know how to do as a

coach. And one of them is managed the clock, Paul. Paul, that's like you not being able to get the fucking mic out of the mic stand. What the fuck are we doing? Dude, did you hear what Jeff Saturday said when they were like, you know, a lot of people are upset that a coach that's been coaching for years, the NFL didn't get the job and that you were just a player and you've never had one coaching job in your life. And now you're the head coach of the Colts. And he goes, look, he goes, you know, the one thing that I do have though is I've just been a passionate, because I've played here and I've been a passionate fan for many years of this team. And it's like, yeah, so have the fat fucking dudes in the upper deck at Giant State.

You're going to throw a head set on that. He could have given a better answer. It's like, how about I played the game in the trenches for 15 years? Yeah, at that point, go to fucking OTB and get a free, put a headset on one of those fat fucks. No, dude, come on, dude, that guy. I'm joking. No, he played. He won a Super Bowl. I'm kidding. But like, it is funny to be like, no, I've been a brown for years. They won a Super Bowl after they stole our offense and made the way that we covered their receivers illegal. And no offense, no offense to the Colts or their fans,

but that was one of the worst boring Super. Dude, that Colts playing Rex Grossman and Chicago Bears in the rain was one of the most lackluster Super Bowls ever. It just was, dude. It was a rough, it was a rough one. Okay. Yeah. Hey, just for shits and giggles before we get out. Grossman was the quintessential Chicago Bear quarterback draft pick. That game was so bad. Andrew, tell me who the performance at halftime was, just to see if it puts a fucking puts a ribbon on it. If it's like, dude, if it's like Katie Perry, no offense, no offense. Just have who was it? You know, it was a terrible game, but it was he likes it. He likes it, Bill.

It was Prince at the halftime show. Oh, okay. Oh, thank God, Prince saving the fucking day. Oh, that's right, dude. He was playing purple rain in the rain with the purple good to the soul. Okay. Okay. Hey, thank God, Prince was there. Okay. All right, guys. So Monday Night Special will be Tampa to win by four. The line's three and a half. We're going to take Brady to throw one and we're going to take over 40 and a half. So 41 points total. I think we can do that. They got Camara on the other side. There you go, everybody. This has been preview NFL preview week for the anything better podcast. Number 13 going into week 13. Just go to the app store and get the bet MGM app, download it, use bonus code BRBURR,

put in at least $10 and you'll get you'll get what $100 up to 1000 and free bets, right? There you go. You seem distracted during all of that, Paul. No, no, no. I'm just making sure I know. You know what it is, dude? I'm going to start. I'm going to start taking up the password off the iPhone. You know, it's like every time I go into my iPhone, I got to put a password. It's like, you know what I mean? You got to put buttons and stuff. And it's just what was the last time some you caught somebody, Paul, going through your phone? Never. Tell you another thing I don't do, even around people that I love, I don't leave my phone in my jacket. No matter what I do, it's there because somebody's going

to look at it. Somebody's going to try to, no, nobody knows touching it. Yeah. So there you go. I leave my phone laying all over the house. I fucking hate the thing. Yeah. There you go, guys. Download the app, B, U, R, R, hope for the for the code. And hopefully we hit with the Monday night special. I kind of like our I like our chances this week. There you go. We're out of here. We got a puncher's chance. And good luck to you, Bill, tonight with your Patriots versus the division rival. Bill's you too, Andrew. The only luck I need is figuring out how to fucking watch the game. Don't they realize the second you put it on some streaming service that I'm not going to find it?

Any guy over 50 is not finding it. It's on Amazon now. Yeah. Oh, it's on. I literally look at that like a fucking term paper. I'll do it next week. As sad as it is to say, whenever I whenever I order paper for you UFC fights, my wife has to make sure because if it doesn't go through, I just go, it's not working. And then she comes down and hits one thing and it's working. I do the same thing. All right, guys. Good luck week 13. See you guys next week. And remember, guys, Tibet, you got to be 21 years of age or older to wager in Arizona, Colorado, DC, Iowa, Indiana,

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