Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-12-24

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

Bill rambles with Ilana Glazer about her new special 'Human Magic', queer canon, and Vinny Barbarino. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (44:39) - Thursday Afternoon Interlude 12-12-16 - Bill rambles about the gun test, traveling, and experiencing loss. (01:52:18) - Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks Week 15 Harley Davidson:  Visit www.HarleyDavidson.com/BillBurr to sign up for the Harley Davidson Riding Academy website which allows you to learn how to ride a motorcycle and get your license. Hims:  With hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers, Hims can help you find the ED option that works for you at www.Hims.com/BURR 

So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour

in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.

Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. All right. Obviously this is videotape which means I have a special guest and which you know that's what it is. You know when there's videotape. I would never make you guys look at my face for no fucking reason. All right. and my guest today has a new special out

called Human Magic, the one and only Alana Glazier. How are you? Hi Bill, thanks for having me. We met for the first time the other night at the Hoolerius. The Hoolerius. Premier celebration, and I told you that I have been a fan for so long,

I would watch you on Premium Blend. That's amazing. As a child in the 90s when Comedy Central was the first channel I would turn on the TV, yes. I'm 37, how old are you, Andrew? Okay, 41, okay. You turn on the TV, square TV. Channel 50 and Bilber's there saying jokes I shouldn't be watching and just so awesome.

It's so cool. You know what's funny? I immediately assumed you would hate me. Same word, same word. No, I just feel, because I'm not a comedian. and just so awesome, it's so cool. You know what's funny? I immediately assumed you would hate me. Same word, same word. No, I just feel, because I had so, like I had my... Personally, professionally, creatively? Just watching my special, or specials,

I would think that you would be like, this guy's just always trashing women. I kind of went through this whole period where... I guess I forget them a little bit. I was just trashing women because I wanted to be married. So in my Irish, German, Irish brain I'm like, I'm going to shit on what I want and then somehow I'm going to get there. I mean that makes sense given society, not like humanity. You can put it on me. You don't have to blame society.

I actually have to say like what is even more useful than coming out the gate a feminist is being a model for change. I'm not even trying to be positive. I'm like being for real. I'm like Howard Stern too. Like he was so fucking gross. And when I was a kid and seeing these like, I just, as a kid, like you have no idea of being a child in the 90s, seeing women who were,

you know, horribly thin with big fake titties and being like, I guess that's what a woman is and I'll never be it. And you men were so stupid, you fucking idiots. Were like, they like that, they don't like me. It's like, yeah. That wasn't the greatest television. But I have to say, but sticking it out, and now I'm just talking about Howard Stern,

but sticking it out in his analytic process, which you should consider was- I'm working on it. I'm trying to get better. It is incredible. And also, yeah, it just is very powerful, the model for change, so I appreciate it. And even then, I don't know,

perhaps I saw a weakness in you that I sympathized with even as a child and knew that you would come out the other side. Oh yeah, there's major weaknesses in this package. But you're so funny and I really appreciate you. Yes, I am a dented can. Anyway, so you have this new special coming out. It's on Hulu, the Hulu platform.

We the Hulu people, Bill Burr, do you love it? Do you love being a hilarious comedian I love being somewhere where they're they're really into me me too. And I'm also I was kind of you know places I've been other places not gonna say the other places, but I was sort of like like a monopoly. So there's I was yeah No, it's not a monopoly. It's consolidation And it's very exciting for all kinds of opportunity in the future with the bundling the bundles You just let us consolidate the the employment that we're going to create. Yeah, they've been falling for that since the 80s Yeah, if you deregulate all of us corporations

You know the jobs that we're going to create the politicians believe them and and and they didn't and next thing You know a CEO gets whacked It's what happens. That is what has happened now and. You know what the amazing thing about that is? Is red and blue are on the same side and we're agreeing. So now I'm gonna be fascinated how CNN and Fox News will brand it and pull us back apart again

so they can feel comfortable. They will continue to go further right and hopefully, my hope is that the people will rise up against income inequality. That is what we're up against. It's racial, it's gender, but it is income inequality that is growing since the 70s. You ever watch fucking Mr. Rogers with, I mean, when you.

I just love when you said fucking Mr. Rogers, yes. Fucking Mr. Rogers. You ever watch Mr. Rogers with the kids? You're wearing a leather jacket, you're in a bad ass mood. Yeah, bitch, I'm gonna crack nuts, dog. Skulls, nuts, bill burn, dog. But anyway, like Mr.. I watched fucking Mr. Rogers, what are you gonna say about.

Mr. Rogers, it's like you actually have an example of a working class, a healthy working class, and different races, different genders, different classes actually can work together. People are happy and dignified to work in a factory. Then corporate greed entered the system even further, even more extremely than it's ever been. And income inequality has been growing

and growing and growing. And we're at this point where it's a joke. It's a fucking joke. And we have been pitted against each other, but most people want access to basic, most people want basic human rights. I don't get why they can't just let, it's like, all right, you can have your infinity pool,

your whores and all of that shit. Why can't you just let, break off a little bit more? I completely agree. Like most people, all you want, can I just, I want a house, I can afford to have it. I completely agree. I can support a family and on the weekends we can hang out with my family and I can feed them and clothe them and feel safe. Like why?

Basic human rights, that's just what there should be a standard for basic human rights. That is what elected officials are, that's the intention, I believe, is for civil servants and public, civil servants to provide a basic standard of human rights and protect it. But what's happening now with a billionaire class coming in and owning a consolidation of companies, a consolidation, they're buying up houses. You can't.

Yeah, I know, but what, yeah, they have one, yeah. And how about this last election? Nobody fucking talks about that. And what about how Democrats and Republicans both agreed you can't try them for insider trading? They're fucking criminals. It's totally corrupt. It's like wide, it's the kind of shit,

when I was growing up, they tried to say, happened in like third world countries, dictatorships, and these guys are like, and now you can, the Supreme Court, I've been talking about this on my podcast, people are probably sick of it, but they- I'm loving it, baby. Give it to me. They were saying that now it's not a bribe,

you can give a politician a gratuity after. Eat my fucking asshole. Eat my ass out, it's not a bribe, cause you, you know it's like I forget like you're an older man and like this must sound different to you than it does to like my like queer girlies, but it's just like, eat my fucking ass, dude. That's a bribe, bitch.

That's a bribe. Why would you think that that's, you think I grew up in some prudish time? No, but I'm like a younger woman and you're like, hee hee hee hee, there's a little hee hee hee going on. No, I'm laughing at when you were talking about the Howard Stern thing, all of those things. Yeah, I was just dying laughing,

because dude, that was on basic cable. It was fucking wild, like, oh my God, you're so hot, will you take your top off? So gross, and then also on MTV. It was right on after like Billy Bush, or that guy, John Tesh would be like, oh, you know. John Tesh. You know, the new.

ET Entertainment Tonight. Indiana Jones Tomb Raider, go see it this way. And then they immediately smash guys, oh my God, oh God, I wanna fuck you so bad, but I'm married. Also, John Tesh, we were supposed to be happy for him that he could play the piano, you remember that? We're supposed to congratulate John Tesh.

You're a host of entertainment tonight, but also, wow, this guy can really tinkle the keys. I know, but he was crushing it. There's something about Germany, or this is what I found. The white privacy? What I've found, what I've found in this being an artist

is no matter how bad your career sucks, there's always one country. There's enough countries, there'll be one country that fucking loves you. Oof, I gotta find out what that country is. Yeah, France loved Jerry Lewis. Not saying they didn't love him here. You don't like Jerry Lewis?

He once said women aren't funny. I'm like, fuck you, shut up, go to bed. I mean. What? LOL they're not funny. You know I'm kidding. LOL they're not funny, booboo. Wait, can I just finish the political thing really quick?

I just like feeling meatheads sometimes, that's all. Okay, but like posing as. What are you, playing football? No, I'm a recovered meathead. I'm loving it. Huh? Can I just talk about it really quick? I'm not doing it for you.

I'm loving it. Keep doing that and get back to me in 10 days. We'll see where you're at when we go with your review. Wait, can I just say the thing, just because I think it is so fucking cool and important that what you're talking about is progressive politics. I don't know if you like so fucking cool and important that what you're talking about is progressive politics, I don't know if you know that and claim it, but you're talking about progressive politics.

And I wanna say- Why does it always have to have a name? Take it out if you want, no labels. Okay, let's get rid of that. Keep it fluid. I'm saying what fucking makes sense. Yeah, but- With my summer school brain.

Dude, dude, they should have me fucking run for president. Honestly? I get some fucking shit done. Honestly, even if you are an artist and really successful, you are a working person. And what you're talking about is, what I'm hearing with Glee is messaging that reaches working people and working families.

And I think personally that the answer is in small dollar backed elected officials. Especially if they come from activism. He doesn't care, I've lost him. I've lost him. The thing is, I'm an earnest bitch. Like I'm really earnest. And while I think the system is crooked

and obviously founded upon two genocides, I think that it's like a pretty good system that could be worthwhile if we Stuffed it with the right people So I just thought while I had these I was still drinking Form if I was if I was still drinking and we were hanging out in a bar the conspiracy Spiral that we would fucking go down and we would probably, you know, one time I was on a radio show and there was an ex-CIA guy there

and I was spouting all my fucking opinions and everything. He's like, well, you know, but the, but the, but the, he's doing that. And then like when he went to leave, when the mic's off going like, you know, you're not wrong about a lot of that. Yeah. I had that happen to me in a bank.

One time I went in, I was, what the fuck bank was it? There's only a few left. It wasn't Wells Fargo. It was the other blue one. What's the blue one? Not Citibank, Chase. I was in a Chase and this guy was, I was just talking to him.

I go, dude, there's like, it was yet again, they were shutting, they were looking at shutting the government down for a week or just printing more money. And I was talking to the guy. Printing more money, oh my God. And I was giving him all my fucking, you know, Federal Reserve bullshit or whatever. And he had a worried look on his face going,

yeah, I mean, it's crazy, but you just gotta, I was like, no, dude, you were supposed to reassure me and say, dude, you're out of your fucking mind. Everything's fine, he didn't. And there's a little cubicle in the center of this bank. It was one of the more chilling moments. I needed a leather jacket for that moment.

It does help. I used to say, like, black people's conspiracy theories are true. White people's conspiracy theories are white supremacy. Because white people are like, you know, crop circles. They're like, they could never have made the crop circles. Aliens came down to do it, and it's like, what? Didn't societies before you do it? Not all black people's conspiracies are true.

Like, their idea that you can curse in front of your mother and she's not gonna beat the shit out of you because you're white, and also their idea that they're fucking cookout food. The amount of dry- ass chicken I've had after them talking all of this shit. You under season your food and everything. It's like you guys over season your food.

So there has to be a happy medium between what we're doing and diabetes. I see, I see. It's like I'll eat that, but I don't wanna lose a fucking toe. I saw this black woman on Instagram was going, I'm gonna show you how to make French toast where you don't even need syrup.

And she took like white sugar and brown sugar, like a cup of each and dumped it in the bowl to start. I'm like, well, fucking yeah, there you go. She's making cotton candy. But now I think that people have like connected enough on social media that it's like an anti-capitalist conversation. And it's not really like black and white anymore.

People are like all talking and seeing the same shit per the killer. Let me ask you this. How do you think they're gonna, cause they're gonna divide us again. Cause they're gonna try to make, I thought that they were gonna make. It's gonna be so fucking bad for most people.

We will not be divided. It is going to be so fucking bad. You're optimist, I like that. Yeah, that's my optimistic take. It is going to be so rank, and so our basic human rights are going to be stripped away so quickly. We're gonna be like,

I actually have all the hope in the world for the people to rise up and elect someone who's even further left than we've ever seen before, but only if we have elections beyond this. Further left? Yeah, more genuinely progressive. It's like in the same way that like protests for, you know, anti-war protests are like,

are messaged or narrated to be crazy, violent radicals. And it's just like, really? Cause they don't want war? Like in the same way progressive values, like thinking everyone should have basic human rights, is messaged as this radical thing, but because of social media, even despite the divisive algorithm,

I find as an optimistic person, people are connecting. Do you think you're living in your world on the internet, so they're agreeing with you? Because like, you have, I don't know, there's're agreeing with you. Because like, yeah, I don't know. There's also everything from fucking, I don't even know who these, I don't even know what they are. I just keep hearing QAnon. Oh, he's one of those QAnon guys.

I have no idea what they are. My town that I grew up in turned QAnon. I don't know what that is. It's like, it's almost like self-selected. Box store. Car. It's like, it's so conservative, it's like Whackadoo. It's almost like, remember like Jews, the lasers. It's so, it's so conservative. It's like Whack-A-Doo. It's almost like, remember like Jews,

the lasers Jews and layers. It comes back around and you're on Tinder for gay people. Kind of, kind of. Like I think, you know, I don't think this has been a relevant conspiracy theory for a while, but remember people used to say that Jews buried dinosaur bones? Yes.

And dinosaurs never really existed. That's like QAnon level. I'm not kidding. Oh, I thought. Oh yeah, and I remember that. That's fucking true too. Don't get me started with the Jews and the stegosaurus. Okay, I could fucking talk about that all day long.

We love our dino bones. Who do you think's gonna win the Super Bowl? Don't even know who's playing. You don't even know who's playing? Well, it's... Beyonce? No, it's not. I thought it happened.

I honestly thought the Super Bowl happened. Do you think the NFL is rigged? Do you think that the Chiefs are getting more of a... I don't care. Can't you just go along with it and just act like you know? Rigged? Yeah.

I mean, it's so... I have no opinion about the NFL. Other than that's if it's dangerous. Can I ask you a question? What do you do with your weekends then? Because I always sometimes I think if I stopped watching football, if I stopped watching other men achieve things, like what would I be doing with my, like what do you?

I look at the faces of my family. I look at their faces. You take them in. I take them in. And my kid's three and a half. I'm in wonder of the process. And we watch TV, we order lox and bagels. We don't even like make many plans.

We live in Brooklyn, so we'll kind of like step outside and like so much stuff is happening. We don't do much. Like what, those things flying off the coast of New Jersey? Is that happening in Brooklyn yet? What is that? and so much stuff is happening. We don't do much. And then Laundrie and- Like what, those things flying off the coast of New Jersey, is that happening in Brooklyn yet? What is that? You've even seen those things?

No, what is it? I don't know, they kinda look like- Car sized drones. Yeah, car sized level drones. Stop. Car sized drones. Like SUV level drones and the government isn't saying anything about it and they just sort of-

It is the government. That's what I thought. Oh, fully who the fuck else has that equipment? They're like aliens and I'm like, and we're just going to sit here. Like, isn't at least Tom Cruise? That sucks. That's the government. Tom Hanks, one of the Toms.

What I imagine to be surveillance equipment. It's going to get bad for us. You can't do this, man. The fucking holidays are coming up, you know, don't you have nine days in a menorah or some shit coming up well eight days And then the middle the nice candles are shamans You know we just have to be going this dark. We have to be aware and connected We've got a new special out called human magic. I don't know you bring it out in me um

What else don't blame the victim? I was over here getting ready to have a nice silly. The way you dressed today, you were asking for it, Bill Burry, you were asking for conspiracy theories with this, is it blue, is it green, this shirt, I don't know. Do you know what, I didn't even know I had this shirt. It's just one of these shirts you find when you have to do your laundry and you're like,

what is this? It's nice, it's like thick. It's like, yeah, like me, thick-headed moron. It fits me. That's what you think I think of you, but I think you're smart and funny. I was so relieved when I, the first time I met you,

no, cause I was such a fan of Broad City. Me and my wife used to watch it all the time. Oh, I love it. And I was like, these fucking broads over here, they're geniuses. Thank you, Father. They thought it was the way you put the spin. I can't even tell you, that means so much to me.

Crazy, that's so crazy. Like in comedy, you get to meet your heroes. I find the art form to be like, you get to meet your heroes. I find the art form to be like you get to meet your heroes quicker and sooner. It's just like, I can't believe it. Thank you so much. I have loved your comedy for so long. You thought I would think, it's like.

No, but I did feel like there was a guarded way that you accepted that it became very military. Thank you, I liked it. Thank you so much. Just now? Yes, just now. So I wasn't sure if that was like, you're the classic comedian that can't take a compliment.

It's tough. It is, right? Yeah. I'm trying to get better at that. You know what I do when somebody compliments me? I sit still but my toes are gripping the inside of the sole of my sneakers. Little shrimp, little shrimp in them sneakers.

Stop saying nice things. That's so sweet. But say nice things. Yeah, but don't stab. But don't stab. Because I have a bottomless pit inside that needs your validation. I fill up my bottomless pit with hobbies. Wait, I had a question.

I'm so sorry, but now I'm interrupting. Tell me, I'll ask it later, I have it. I don't know. What are your hobbies? Oh, I know flying, because I listened to the Kevin pod. Flying's crazy, and your conspiracy, dude. That's how I got into flying helicopters. Yeah.

In case shit went down, man, I was gonna get my, I don't know where I was gonna go. Where do you store it? At an airport. Is the gasoline fucking expensive as fuck? Aviation is just expensive. It's fucking annoyingly expensive. Like some little stupid thing, like they have on like the,

I guess on the windshield you'd call it, they have a little trim string where you stay in trim. And it's just a fucking, it's a piece of yarn that just makes you stay in trim. It lets you know if you're going straight. It adds metal fatigue. If you're going straight? It adds metal fatigue. If you're going straight, it doesn't add, it's streamlined, but if you were to the side like that,

it's just adding metal fatigue, which you can't really see during a pre-flight, so it's kind of dangerous. So anyways, it's literally just a piece of fucking yarn. All right, and it's one of those things where I know, because it's starting to wear out, and I know when I need a new piece, because it's gonna be on a helicopter,

it's gonna cost like 750 bucks. Oh my God, Jesus. It's one of those things. Do you only fly like on clear days in the morning, LOL? I go in the fog. No, shut up. Shut up, shut up. You're never more alive

than when you're flying in the clouds without an instrument rating. Do you have a destination to where you would fly? Or I could, yeah. And then you have, what you just keep doing is you keep expanding the areas where you fly and you're comfortable and you know how to get in and out of airports or transition the airspace.

And it's an amazing. I'm nervous, I'm nervous. Oh, okay, I thought it was boring. No, it's a, whenever I go on- No, I'm nervous at a global scale, Oh okay, I thought it was boring. No, it's a, whenever I go to a- No, I'm nervous at a global scale, you know, a global political scale, and then also personal, really hoping you're doing everything safely.

Yeah, no, aviation is unbelievably, it's, as my instructor says, aviation is as safe as you are. All right, so if you- Is John Triville to one of your heroes? Yeah. Good answer. Fuck yeah, I mean, Vinny Barberino is one of the greatest characters. Yeah, baby, I your heroes? Uh, yeah. Good answer. Fuck yeah. Vinny Barberino is one of the greatest characters. Yeah, baby. I'm talking about it. All time.

Okay, my question. You were talking about... As far as flying a jumbo jet, I have no... and driving it into my driveway, I don't want a life that big. Having a bunch of toupees. I'm not into that. Crazy. You know Adel Dazeem. I think he likes me because he took my fucking look. Yes.

He went shaved head. Do you know Adele Dazeem? Because I was the first person ever to do that. I'm kidding. What? Do you know Adele Dazeem? The singer? Oh my God.

Is that her name? Oh, you were thinking of Adele. Oh, that's so funny. No, you have to see this clip of John Travolta calling Idina Menzel, Adele Dazeem, at an award show. It's like weirdly like queer canon now, but it's so incredible. What is queer canon?

It's like what... I love how you speak in English and there's so many of these fucking terms you're using. I don't know. Okay, what queer canon, canon fod fodder they're into it. Oh yes honey yes we are here for it. When you see this clip you will be making those sounds. It's incredible. It's incredible. John Travolta introduces Idina Menzel, Fane's familiarity, but says her name completely incorrectly. He had the

decency to act like he had any idea who the hell she was. Yeah, that's true, that's true. And then he butchered her name. Aw. You know, it just, it happens. Wait, is Vinny Barberino? Listen, when you get to my age and John's age, you know. How old are you?

56. Cool, you look great. Huh? Yeah, I mean, I look great for my age. I mean, that's not, that's not, that's not. Okay, great, I'm 37. You're like almost 20 years older than me. Yeah, you're a child.

Oh. Okay, you don't know shit. I like get up my knees, or like. Let me tell you how this world is Missy. No, I'm technically officially entering middle age. Please. Well 37 times two. What is that?

None of us know. We don't have transferable skills, you and I. Yeah, you're middle age. I'm done. I'm 56 times two. Drop dead, baby. 56 times two is 74. Yeah, you're middle-aged. I'm done. I'm 56 times two. Drop dead, baby. Drop dead, yours.

56 times two is dead. Yeah, drop dead, yours. Wait, two things. Is Vinny Barberino Welcome Back, Cotter or Disco Thing? What's that? No. No, same guy, but I'm saying, is it Welcome Back, Cotter, Vinny Barberino or Barberino?

It is. Yeah. You know, I didn't know if it was Stayin' Alive. I forget the fucking movie. No, he was like a fucking juggernaut. Like that guy. Please, in the 90s too. No, but like the 70s, it was like,

he became the face of it, and then ended up having one of the greatest comebacks of all time, and how quickly that went, because it seemed to me like 77, 78 to 83 when I was a kid was a long time. So from in 77, 76 or 75, he gets on Welcome Back Carter. 77, he does Saturday Night Fever, and then he does Grease in 79.

Oh my God. And just, he was a meteor. And then by like, then he did Urban Cowboy, which started a whole fashion movement of white guys in New York City dressing like they had a ranch. He was so cute. If you can believe that.

He was so fucking cute. So, oh, adorbs. Adorbs. He was adorbs. Absolutely adorbs in that gay cannon fire. Sorry, I'm gonna let that go by. Wait, I have a couple other things I wanna tell you. Welcome back, Carter.

I would see on Nickelodeon and late night, whatever the fuck it was, Nick at night, and Juan Epstein was the first time I saw my hair on television. You know what I mean? I loved Juan Epstein. So funny. Signed Epstein's mother.

So funny. And then Horshack too, was hysterical. He was my neighbor right down the street. Horshack? Yeah, but he was agoraphobic, so he would never come out. That makes sense. Never come out.

He wasn't agoraphobic till I moved in the neighborhood. Sure. Then he was just like, I'm not coming out anymore. Sure. And then what was the other thing? Well, just one thing I wanna ask you. How long have you not been drinking? Six years.

Wow, Mazel Tov, congratulations. Yeah. Is that seriously? You're like, okay, I can't tell. I can't tell Tov, congratulations. Yeah. Is that seriously? You're like, okay, I can't tell. I can't tell, you gotta poke your face. I barely joke, I am a clown. You know what I mean? Like I barely am making a joke.

So I'm just coming to terms with that. No, I'm fully serious, fully earnest, and I've struggled with my drinking, and I just haven't been drinking for the past few months, and I'm like, maybe this is my thing. Maybe this is who I am now. Yeah, don't struggle, you just stare into it. Yeah.

And just totally ruin your life, and then you go, ah. There's one ingredient I can eliminate, and things wouldn't be fucking so bad. I wish I tried a couple of times to stop. I wish I should have stopped. Oh, Christ, when am I? Somewhere in my early 30s, I should have stopped. I knew it was times to stop. I wish I should have stopped. Oh, Christ, when am I? It's somewhere in my early 30s, I should have stopped.

I knew it was time to stop, and I decided that I was gonna go for another 20 years. You know? You know, I just figured, you know what? What's a couple of decades of having to apologize and regret shit? Yeah. All right, everybody, we have a new advertiser

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thing. It's like I'm riding a Clydesdale. I absolutely love it. It's fucking huge. Everybody can see me. Sometimes I just sit and look at it. How about that? Like it's a friggin painting. It's so gorgeous. What features do I love about it? I love the chop fairing. I love the radio cranking AC DC, riding a Harley Davidson. I mean I ride down the street. It's such a cool bike. I feel like I know how to fight. You understand? Like I'll pull over and I'll fight three guys off the vibe of the thing. It's smooth as hell. I mean, you know, what are you going to do? What are you going to do?

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All right, let's get her in. So I travel a lot. I mean, a lot. Perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy And I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, you know, it's communal living. It's just a less stressful place, more enjoyable experience.

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much at airbnb.ca slash host. And do you do anything else? Like weed, mushrooms, whatever? Yeah, I smoke weed, you know, nothing crazy. I'm like a too puff guy and then I'm just like, ugh. I don't like that. And then like the gummies are too strong. And then every once in a while I take mushrooms.

So I took one, like once a year or twice a year, so I took one the other day, and I thought it was just gonna be sort of a body high. And I was by myself and it kind of, it's a vivid color, and then it got into like what's going on with that guy's face, right? And I was going, when I was talking about the gloom and doom, I remember my trip ended with me laying on my side

going, it'll all be over soon. Just repeating that to myself. Because sort of the overwhelming, I don't know, it's why I don't watch the news. And I actually find watching people arguing back and forth online, I find it depressing. Oh my God, it's meant to dehumanize you. Is that, I don't know what it is.

Absolutely, and it's meant to make you feel like there's no hope. The reason I am- I just can't believe people fall for it. It's like, you watch a video about, it's about Michael Jordan, or it's about somebody making like a cake or something, and then some of you are like, yeah, thanks Joe Biden,

or they're like, yeah, not Donald Trump thing. And then these people just jump on the hook. Ah, and they just do that. And a lot of times, I guess they're just bots trying to get you to interact. And if I was running shit, let me tell you something, me and my two by four, oh, Billy gonna clean up the streets.

You tell me what's up. If you had a fucking robot that was out there trying to get people in your own country to argue about politics, about everything, you would be hung in the street for fucking treason. That's right. I would fucking, all of those guys on CNN, Fox News, right in fucking jail.

You make money off of dividing Americans every fucking day. Absolutely, absolutely. And like that bullshit, like CNN was talking about the CEO guy, and they were all, but the reactions and people are not into this stuff. It's like they didn't know that. And now the only reason why they're talking about it is because everybody's talking about it and they're just using it to get views and make some fucking

money. I, I, they are so fucking out of touch. Like, okay. So the reason I am in an act, why I am an activist and involved in progressive politics is because I am very scared and so desperately need to have hope. And I see good people doing- I just thought you wanted to get beaten up in a park. That's what being an activist is.

No, that actually works just being a woman. But I just, I need it and there are good, smart, excellent fucking people in the right places at the right time. And here's like, also like you make me optimistic. I actually thought you were so funny and great when I was a kid, but like you saying this right now, I feel empowered to, I feel relieved and empowered,

you know, like I didn't, I guess part of this is why you thought I would perceive you as some man or whatever. But it's like- No fucking meathead. Yeah, but it's like, you know, it's like. No fucking meathead. Yeah but it's like, you know it's like you give me hope and those people give me hope and actually when it comes down to the popular vote, it was pretty much 50-50. By the final count, it was like off by two million.

That's like pretty much 50-50. I didn't even watch it. And then he gained. Don't you think that maybe as a woman you're thinking too much? For sure. For sure. I need to be.

Missy, just leave those big problems for men. I need to like submit and calm down, I agree. But I can't stop thinking. And I'm also a masculine woman, so I do just have those wheels turning and I'm doing all those calculations. He gained three million followers. Okay, voters.

The guy who won the election. Listen. But they, Democrats, they, Democrats lost eight million. And I think it's because people were so dehumanized seeing all this murder and horrible shit on their phones. Oh, I thought it was because they had Mr. McGee in office. I thought that that was the big problem. And at the last second.

That too, that too. And also that our tax dollars are like going to all this like horrible murder, I think was like what was so dehumanizing. I just think the last three presidents' elections, like what we were choosing between, shouldn't be acceptable to anybody. It should not be acceptable, it's a fucking joke.

It's a fucking joke. The big money in politics. Okay, you've got a guy who starts a sentence and by the time he gets to the end of it, he can't remember what he said in the beginning, and then you have like the biggest con artist ever. And you know, what about liberals? The last three elections, they didn't let you pick who you were voting for.

That's right. Bernie Sanders, two times in a row, they're like, no, fuck you, here's the company, man. And then they stick with Mr. Magoo until like fucking three, four months out. You know, I don't know. I just, I choose to live a small life now. That's all I do.

I try to go to mom and pop places. Try to stay out of the box stores. I don't want, and I've gotten to the point, not only do I not watch politics anymore, I'm starting to pull back from sports because now they're all involved in just like they're all were entertainment leagues. You can pay college players and I saw some billionaire going in going this is a tremendous opportunity like these these college these college teams are going to be for sale.

It's just like do you have to fucking own like, do you have to fucking own everything? I know. Do you have to fucking own everything? Why can't you do it? And then what? And then what? If you're gonna move Alabama to Memphis, if they don't give them a new fucking stadium, like they do at a pro level,

it's like, you can't get away, you can't get away. That's what I hate is you cannot fucking, like where is my escape from all of this shit? Like I'm watching like the World Series and in the middle of it, they have stand-up for cancer and everybody stands up sad holding these signs that everybody knows somebody that dies of cancer but nobody brings up that our food supply is totally fucking poison and then it then if you sit there going like can I just watch a fucking baseball game without

being reminded that corporations are killing their own fucking countrymen and and nobody's gonna do or say anything about it but if you stand at a baseball game with fucking tears in your eyes like the Indian with the pollution when I was a kid which they also did nothing about like I'm supposed to somehow feel better it's it's it's annoying so now I'm just into music I just listen to music oh I love it I love it I listen I made a little show thing oh. I think. Fucking music, that's my wheelhouse. I think you, Wilfred Burr, I think you're doing exactly what you're supposed to.

I think you're- Curling up into a ball. Yes, and also giving peace and focusing on your personal world and what makes you feel safe and healthy. As a sprung- You sound like a therapist wrapping up our session and there's some of the lunatic out there. Well, we are out of time. No, we're not. We are out of time and you're just- No, I wanna stay. You sound like a therapist wrapping up our session and there's some other limited. Well, we are out of time.

No, we're not. We are out of time and you're just, you're putting up healthy boundaries? I wanna say, for me, I'm like, I am here to fight for X number of years. For me, Bill, I'm here to fight. And I, there are the progressive, there is a progressive movement building

and the people are getting smarter and smarter and smarter and the technology is trying to beat us, but it won't, because it's made by us. Now when you say we and us, are these the voices in your head or do you actually have some sort of coalition out there? I feel I'm somewhat in touch with Gen Z and millennial culture at large

and that I am speaking for for I'll call it a vibe I won't go so I like I won't go so far to say the culture or the people but I'm speaking to a vibe What I believe is accurately All right. Well, I just wanted to have you on because I thought you were fucking hilarious You have a new special Giggle makes me so happy. No, you make me feel like I need to be better at what I do. Not like I know that you have a new special coming out. Making you giggle makes me so happy. No, you make me feel like I need to be better at what I do. I'm not lying. I love that.

Oh my gosh, I make you feel like you need to be a better man. I fucking know that. I didn't say that. I said a better comedy. I said it so much, but I'm sure. Although, do I win an Oscar if I say that? Remember those awful 90s fucking movies? That is so sweet.

Oh my gosh, stop. I'm just moved and processing. Listen, we moved movies. That is so sweet. Oh my gosh, stop. I'm just moved and processing. Listen, we moved on. That better be comedy? When they would just. You know what I mean? Like you're so good. When they would, I just realized

I couldn't drive across town with you. Why? Because I'd have to dominate the conversation. You can't drive and submit in a conversation? Listen, women in my world are there to listen and validate what I just said. I don't know what I was gonna say. You got two kids.

Tell me about- Are they teens or above teenage? They're 46 and 37. I started young. So when people sit down to watch your special, now that you've given us your fucking manifesto on what's gonna be happening here, this gonna be like I really sold it well I know yeah this is this special gonna be on fucking the libertarian channel

like what is this is it gonna be on the gay cannon it's gonna be on the gay cannon progressive movement sector of Hulu I am gonna see my wife after this and I am gonna somehow work gay canon into whatever ... Try to sell it to and see what she says. She's going to call you out so fucking quick though. Are you kidding me? If I come home with her ears going to pull you out, who the fuck are you?

That's so funny. Oh my gosh. Gay canon. Why didn't you call? Somebody should be calling their special. Oh my god, and that's so funny because it's kind of a euphemism for a butthole No, that would be a rocket I

Don't know now just picturing a gay man's gaping asshole shooting shit out like a penis. I think It doesn't matter. You know most people they try to do a little bit of research on gay vernacular before they just loosely throw it out there to the masses. Okay, so when is the special coming out? It's coming out December 20th. Oh my God. When is this coming out? My heart just skipped where she was gonna be like, it's already out.

Oh gosh, no. And you haven't watched that? We would just redo it. I have no ego, Bill. You never have to watch it, and I will cherish this experience. Can I tell you something? If you had no ego, there wouldn't be a reason to say that. I feel like what you're trying to do is like, yeah. It's like people who wear stuff that has spiritual,

like they'll have something spiritual written on their shirt. Oh my God. Spiritual written is like, girl. But if it's like a necklace with a spiritual symbol, I believe it. You do? Yeah.

Somebody wears a cross or a Jewish star. Is it negated by dreadlocks as a white person? As a white person, yes. White dreads, so you see the necklace, okay, and you're like, oh my God, spiritual. Then you see the dreads, you're like, oh my God, no. But then you see them with a Bernie Sanders tambourine. Does it come back around again?

No, first of all, first thing I'm noticing is the dreads for sure. On a white person, I'm like, whoa, you have dreads? And if they're holding a tambourine, I would say that I'm noticing the cross last, and I have no conclusion to draw. What is that white dread thing? Is that just, I have no personality,

I have to desperately seem like I'm interesting? Is that what it is? Your words. Why can't you come along for the ride? I am, I sure, yeah, agreed. Agreed, okay. No personality, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it is, but maybe that.

No personality, it's tough. How do you think this went? This one's pretty good, right? Oh, I'm delighted. I could go on and on. Chatting here with an old man? Now who has the healthy boundaries ending the conversation? No, I have to get back to a writer's room.

I gotta just keep, it just never stops. That's right, that's right. If you could just write up till December 24th at midnight, that would be fantastic. Yeah, oh God. Then we'll read it over the break. Ay, ay, ay. You say happy new year and then you get back in the room. Also, no you fucking won't read it over the break.

You're gonna come back to me mid-Jan and be like, well, we're getting to it this weekend. Mid-Jan. Yeah. I like how you talk, mid-Jan. Thank you. Cannon fodder. Cannon fodder. Human magic.

Human magic, December 20th on Hulu and Disney Plus Worldwide. Wait, did you shoot it? Toronto, Elgin and Fodder. Ken and Fodder. Human Magic. Human Magic, December 20th on Hulu and Disney Plus worldwide. Where did you shoot it? Toronto, Elgin and Winter Garden Theater. Oh, that's cool. Why Canada? Are you Canadian? No, I had just done everything else.

Oh, all right. You know, I was so lucky though because You just conquered every other mountain. You're like, Jesus, I'm done with this country. I am. Who's Drake running Toronto? Fuck that bitch, here I come. But I was so lucky because Toronto's such a good town to perform for.

I was like, oh my God, this. And I also love that Montreal hates them. You know? Didn't realize that, didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, it's a hockey thing. I just like. Oh, great. It's a weird hatred where like they hate Toronto

almost as much as they hate the Bruins, but at least we've won and we've beat them in series. Toronto never makes the fucking playoffs and they hate Toronto almost as much as they hate the Bruins, but at least we've won and we've beat them in series. Toronto never makes the fucking playoffs and they hate them. But what it comes down to, I think is that they're more English speaking and Montreal thinks they're French, which is fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, like Céline Dion.

It's like, I always tease Rich Voss for how hard he talks about Israel. I don't know that person. He's just a Jew. don't know that person. He's just. A Jew. You know what he is? He's a golf hustler in New Jersey, like weighing in on this. Golf?

Yeah, golf hustler. That's right. And is he a comedian? Sort of. Copy that. Incredible. This is all for Rich. I love it, bitch.

It's all for Rich. Hysterical. I told him, I go, Rich, Israel considers you Jewish the way French people consider Montreal people as French. That's right. You're not. You're fucking American.

That's right. They're Canadian. Thank you, sir. And keep your face out of our business. Yeah. You're bringing us down. No, I love Rich, but not his comedy. Love it.

I want to make that statement. That is so funny, and I love that. Okay. All right. Well, thank you for coming on. Thanks for having me. I'm so psyched to finally have met you. Me too. And that you know, you don't.

I'm gonna just text you annoying shit, you're gonna be like fuck, you're gonna really regret it. I'm gonna send you. And progressive like queer canon is what I'm gonna send you. Well what I'm gonna do is it's gonna be a slow, slow build towards QAnon. Nice. Right? And I'm just gonna do, but then I'm gonna be cool

in between and where you're like, all right, maybe I didn't get that joke. Yeah, right, right. And then I'm just gonna sort of curate it where you think I'm slowly gonna do, but then I'm gonna be cool in between and where you're like, all right, maybe I didn't get that joke. Yeah, right, right. And then I'm just gonna sort of curate it where you think I'm slowly losing my fucking mind. Just controlling my woman mind. That's right. I'm gonna fall for it so hard. And then I go total flat earth.

Very touching, Jack. All right. The special is called Human Magic. It's on Hulu and Disney Plus, Alana Glazer, one of the fucking brilliant comedic minds we have today. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Thank you guys for watching. Have a wonderful weekend.

And that's all I got. We'll see ya. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, December 12th, 2016. What's going on? How are ya? I've got to be a little quiet, man. It's only like 6.30 in the morning out here. My lovely wife is still sleeping and so I'm trying not to wake her up.

I'm upstairs. Going to try to be a good boy this fucking week, alright? I'm still gonna say all the fucked up shit I always say. I'm just gonna say it at a volume that's a little more palpable for so much of an outsider's slaving. You know, I woke up this morning, ba-doo-ba-doo-boop. I heard this big fucking booming noise. And you ever get that feeling like, you're like, did I just dream that?

Or is somebody in the house? Right? And then you immediately start thinking like, all right, I got kitchen knives. I got a fucking softball bat right next to my bed. But the reality is, you know, as much as people want gun control and all of that shit, I mean, that's the first thing you think of. You know, there should be a fucking thing, right? Where if you look, if they can fucking test you one goddamn time, you answer like five fucking questions, then all of a sudden you never have to go through any sort of fucking, you know, major security at the airport because one time you didn't act like a fucking lunatic and then I guess you're good for the rest of your life.

Why can't just like one time, okay, can't come up with the same type of a test, whatever the fuck they're seeing down at the airport, they can't come up with that for fucking regular people, you know? You know what would be perfect? Just have a fucking 38 and they let you have a silencer. Now fuck that, a Glock with the silencer. Because you don't want to ruin your ears. You just want to kill the person that comes in your house,

right, it'd be great. Be right there next to your table and the person comes walking in, you know, ah, give me all your fucking money. Just reach over, doot, doot, doot, doot. They fucking hit the ground. You put the gun back down, you just go back to sleep and you know, couple hours over. Do, do, do, do. He fucking hit the ground. You put the gun back down, you just go back to sleep and you know, couple hours wake back up again,

you're like, hey, was this how your brother locked him up? Oh, oh, that's right, that's right. Honey, yeah, while you were sleeping, some guy broke in, yeah, he's dead. You wanna call the cops, I'll get some coffee going. You know, everybody, you know, they tell you don't have a knife or anything like that. Bat will give you distance. But at the end of the day, you know what I mean?

There has to be some sort of test. They look at your fucking driving record, right? How you did in high school. Jesus, I'd be out the window. I don't know what the fuck, however the fuck they do it. Okay. And you know, you just get, you get, you get a Glock with a fucking silencer. You don't hurt your ears. You know, the aim center mass or whatever it be,

it would be a great fucking thing. I really think it would be a great thing. You know, as long as you knew what everybody's feet sounded like on the floor in your house, as long as you knew what you knew what their walk sounded like, that would be the test, right? All your loved ones in your house, they would, from bare feet to fucking snow shoes, you just had to be like, all right, that's my son Mikey. Okay, that's my wife and she's wearing Uggs, right? You get it all down.

Right? So then you know what the fucking sound is. I don't know, I'm just saying I had a little fucking hernia noise and I got a little nervous and I was just like, what am I, Jason fucking born over here? I'm not, you know? My wife's been snoring to beat the fucking band now that she's in the third trimester, which is understandable. The kid's laying on her fucking lungs.

So I have to go upstairs to sleep and I, I had all of this shit went through my fucking head. All right. Like what if somebody came in downstairs, took out my wife and left with no fucking fingerprints. They're going to fucking blame me. That's the first thing I thought, not, oh my God, my pregnant wife was going to be dead. First thing I thought is I'm going to go to jail for that shit. That's what,

you know, I'm really selfish when I'm in the middle of the night. I'm really groggy. Like, like right now I'm awake and I'd be like, well, I would be too, I wouldn't give a fuck what they did to me at that point. I'd be so upset that I lost my wife. But when I'm laying here nice and toasty under the sheets that's the first thing I thought of like oh man I love this bed that man I wouldn't have this bed in jail anyways we're getting down to it people there's only another fucking 19 days left in this year dude fuck Christmas by Christmas, by the way. Fuck Christmas.

Write up the old fucking Yahoo, all right? Fuck that stupid ass fucking holiday. It's for fucking kids. The level of fucking pressure I have to run around and buy fucking adults, fucking presents. What, do you want a choo-choo train, you fucking cunt? I don't have time for this shit.

I got too much other stuff to do. You know? It's fucking brutal, man. I had one of the worst, one of the worst fuck, I wasn't going to talk about this. I had one of the worst fucking weeks of my life and this Christmas music in the background is fucking driving me nuts. I'm going to gloss over all of this shit because I've never gotten emotional on the podcast. I do not want to do it now. I told you one of my good friends

died. I went to the memorial service and he's got two kids, 10 years old, went up and spoke at it. It was the most heart wrenching thing I ever saw. And then Thursday, I know this is going to be probably devastating to a lot of you guys. I had to give my dog away. Yes. Oh, Cleo. I had to do it. I got a baby coming. And the Cleo that you hear on the podcast is not the Cleo that, unfortunately, when anybody else comes to the door and she tried know, she tried to attack my parents, my brother-in-law, my father-in-law, all of my friends, she bit one of my friends, nipped him and was just like, you know, it was a ticking fucking time bond for seven

years with the dog. I love the dog to death. My wife loves the dog. I love the dog to death. My wife loves the dog. It was fucking devastated. It's the most devastating thing I've had to do. It's just one of those adult decisions where it was like my brain was like, there's no fucking way you can have a baby crawling around that then becomes a toddler and they don't know how to fucking pet a dog.

And then she gets a little older and then has friends over and their parents come over. It was just a, it was a ticking time bomb. She does not do well adjusting to new things and something horrible was going to happen and then she was going to get put down. So I had to do the responsible thing and found her a great home. And this is what kills me is she's totally adjusted now and is fucking happy as shit. And I'm fucking devastated because she's a fucking dog. And within four days they're like, Oh, is this the new deal? You're the guy now.

All right. So, um, I'll tell you a quick story, dude. Fucking, I had to hand the dog off to my trainer, right? So the whole morning, I don't want to act emotional because I don't want the dog to be nervous. And so I took her on one last hike. It was fucking brutal. And then I was gathering up all her stuff.

I give it all to the trainer and I go to hand off the fucking dog. And it's like I didn't want her to be nervous. So I barely even said goodbye. I was like, all right, buddy. Okay, see you later. Because I didn't want it to be nervous because I love it so much. And then I fucking, you know, you know, the trainer takes it. And then I went back in the house, went to the bathroom, and then fucking cried like a little boy.

It was fucking brutal. Brutal. You know, it's fucking hilarious. The way women handle this fucking emotion, like, my wife, like sobbed, like five or six fucking times, including the night before. And then their ability to fucking move ahead is, is fucking astounding. Like they can,

they can know it's sad, deal with it being sad. They fucking cry it out of them. And then I'm not saying she's not heartbroken. She's fucking devastated. But like their ability, their fucking ability to handle shit like that versus a guy, guys fucking denied, denied, denied. And then they just hold on to the shit. You know what I mean?

Everybody's got that fucking buddy of theirs. You know what I mean? They're married. They got a couple of kids, but you get like two, three scotches in them. They start talking about some broad from fucking 25 years ago. It's like, dude, when are you gonna let it go? Because, you know, we're not allowed...

Like when I cried over my dog, the whole time I was fighting it, so it was like an eight second cry. Poo-hoo, done. All right, fight it off. Grr, grr, grr. Just keep it right there in your chest. Keep it fucking right there. And then, you know, I'm telling you, fucking like nine years from

now, I'll be at a fucking Christmas party and have a couple too many fucking Zinfandails and I'll lash out at somebody and they'll be like, dude, where the fuck did that come from? And it's, and I'm not even going to know. It's going to be because I didn't hug my dog before. I mean, I definitely, you know, I did with the days coming up and that type of shit, but I should have given it one last fucking hug, but I knew I couldn't do it. You know? Um, so all right, let's pass that. Let's get past that. Anyways. So I went to the Rams game yesterday. Uh, by the way, I did hit pause to regroup game yesterday. By the way, I did hit pause to regroup. Brutal, brutal fucking brutal week and the whole fucking time I got to sit here listening to fucking Christmas music

everywhere I go. You know, if I had a hammer, I'd hammer. Is that a fucking Christmas song? It's kind of a fucking psycho song, right? Second adult says, if I had a hammer. We all know what a hammer's for, dude. All right? I don't know. I always get nervous when I hear that first sentence, if I had a hammer. Anyway, so I went to the Rams versus Atlanta Falcons game yesterday. A buddy of mine had tickets and I was like, dude, I gotta go.

Cuz I really wanted to see the Los Angeles Rams playing in the LA Memorial Coliseum. I mean, that's where all the greats played from the Rams history, right? I believe Eric Dickerson played there before he went to, before they moved down to Anaheim. Probably the last of the greats to play there. The fearsome foursome, right? Lamar Lundy, Merlin Olsen, Rosie Greer, Deacon Jones. Who else?

Roman Gabriel, that was all before my time. Then I came in when it was the fucking quarterback controversy of Pat Hayden, Vince Ferragamo. Wendell Tyler, right? Jim and Jack Youngblood. What was crazy about them is back then if somebody had the same, always, if somebody has the same last name as you, they put just your first initial and then a period. But it was Jack and Jim.

So they had to write their whole names and said Jack Youngblood on the back. It never looked back. It never looked right. It looked fucking weird. But anyways, I went there and it was the typical LA sporting experience that you a lot of times where there's just as many fans if not more fans, because it's a transient city. It really has nothing to do with LA fans. There's just as many fans, if not more fans, because it's a transient city. It really has nothing to do with LA fans. There's just so many people like myself that moved out here, you know, chasing the old Hollywood dream or if people are just fucking sick of, you know, just bad weather, people are just always fucking moving.

And by the way, dude, I'm telling you right now, dude, this fucking real estate bubble out here of them building all of these fucking luxury apartment buildings you know where I fucking go over and play hockey the they got this thing the the pickwick uh hockey thing that's also a bowling alley and a function room they're fucking knocking that whole thing down knocking that whole fucking thing down because they're gonna have luxury apartments it's just there's gonna be no place to skate out here the one that was over and fucking was it Century City or some shit I get confused over there

begins with the C it ain't cut I don't know what it is they fucking that one's done now this one's gone the only one the ones I know there's one down by the airport and there's one over near like, uh, near Sherman Oaks Valley ice center. And other than that, uh, I don't know. I left the fucking go buy some rollerblades, right? So little fucking short shorts do that stupid thing. You know, we set up the cones and you come up to them and turn around backwards, right? Anyways, yeah dude, so they have this, they put up this fucking one building, right? And really impressive building. It's over near Beverly Hills, so I was just like, oh, you know, let's see what that building

is about. I go on the internet, right? It's called the 10,000. I'm like, all right, why is it called the 10,000? It's called the 10,000 because that's the amount of money you have to pay a month to live there. It gets bare minimum. How fucking tacky is like, how many times are we gonna fucking do this? You know what I mean? It's like we always act, there's always like some sort of like crash and everybody fucking loses everything.

By everybody, I mean the fucking lower 99% gets their fucking asses kicked. And then give it a couple years and all of a sudden it just comes right back out around again to the Bud Fox, greed is good. Dude, how fucking tacky is that? The name of the building is the minimum, is how much you're paying in rent. Jesus Christ, have a little bit of fucking class. Yeah, they're just everywhere. They're putting up luxury apartments. I don't know where the fuck they're going to find all these people to fill these things,

but I guarantee you they're not going to do it. Like I was thinking of buying a small apartment building out here but everybody's fucking buying them up. I can't even afford to fucking get in one. Just because it's stupid it's like at the height of the fucking market. You know I was thinking of buying like a parking garage or some shit, just a parking lot. Who the fuck are all these people going to park? Is that building parking underneath the goddamn things?

They got it all figured out. Fuck are all these people going to park? I guess they're building parking underneath the goddamn things. They got it all figured out. You know, I guess I'll be telling jokes for the rest of my fucking life. I'm trying to have some sort of something, a lemonade stand or something, where I get into my older fucking years. I got some sort of loot coming in that doesn't have to do with me fucking putting on my tap dancing shoes. I don't know. So anyways, I went to the Los Angeles Rams game yesterday. And it was so great to see them play there, even though

they had a fucking brutal game. They were down 42 to nothing to Maddie Ice and fucking the Rams, I mean the Falcons. And evidently their best receiver, whoever the fuck that is Julio Jones or some shit. I think I heard that name. Is that a baseball player? I don't know. I don't play fantasy sports and I'm too fucking busy to really pay attention as much as I used to. He wasn't even playing and they just kicked the shit out of him. You know what's funny? The Rams finally scored a touchdown right to make it 42 to 7 and they lit the Olympic torch.

I'm sure they just light it late at night, but it seemed like that's when I first noticed that it was on. And then they also had a fumble recovery for a touchdown. Crowds going nuts. So whatever that happens live, the first thing I do is try to pick up a referee to see if I see him going, no, no, no, no, no, it's, it's a dead ball. Or if he's saying touchdown and as the guy was crossing the goal line, you could see the ref was already going, no, no, no, pointing at the ground saying it was, you know, either the guy was down or whatever. Right.

And the fucking fireworks guy, the fucking fireworks guy shoots the fireworks off on a touchdown that got called back. It's fucking hilarious. because they're not selling out games. You know? They're probably, I bet that guy got chewed out. Fucking owner probably came down in his camel-haired coat. You know? Where the fuck is the goddamn fireworks guy?

I'm sorry, Mr. fucking owner. I shut the fuck up. It's coming out of your pay. He's down there fucking crying but it was such a great stadium it holds 90,000 people for the life of me can somebody explain to me why the Los Angeles Rams need a new football stadium there's a football stadium there's two of them there's the Rose Bowl and there's the fucking LA Memorial Coliseum.

Why do we have to take more fucking natural resources out of the fucking earth to build another one of these stupid ass fucking stadiums? So they can have luxury boxes and put all the bells and whistles on it, so they can attract people who aren't into sports to go to the fucking event. I love that fucking stadium. I had a great time. I love that. It's a so-called shithole. I think it's great. Do you know there was 62 steps? To get from fucking where I was seating sitting back up to the main concourse to fucking walk out of the stadium. It's fucking tremendous.

62 steps You know it makes you drink less you burn in a bunch of calories There's less fat fucks, but now what do they say? Oh, that's a fire hazard The incline is too steep Okay, we're fucking we're so soft in this fucking country That's why like everybody's trying to get me all freaked out about having a kid, about how difficult it's gonna be. And I'm not saying it's not gonna be difficult, but it's like, people, women used to have kids, and then they'd fucking die.

And then the fucking guy had to go out, bury his wife, and get behind a team of oxen, plow some rocky goddamn field, and then fucking, I don't know, feed the kid, I don't know, goat's milk at't go to milk at that point I have no idea and somehow we did it you know people have survived plagues I can't fucking be in a house with central air conditioning and heat and all of this shit I you know I mean how much fucking harder is oh god I wish parents from fucking in the past could come and listen to the way people fucking whine and go on and on about themselves, you know, and the way they lecture people

who don't have kids, dude, you have no idea, oh my God, it's so... Shut the fuck up. These fucking people coming over, you know, come paddling over from Cuba on a fucking refrigerator door, fighting off sharks. You know, you can't change a couple of diapers. I'm telling you, people are fucking, they're pussies. They're fucking soft. People are fucking soft. They fucking bitch-moaning complain. Yes, yes, there's things in life, you know. I say at this point with all the modern gadgets, all right, if you have a job, if you're not worried about money, as far as you have enough fucking money to make your rent and all that stuff, I mean, a kid shouldn't be any more difficult

considering the love back that you're going to get other than, you know, a major fucking adjustment and something that's inconvenient. But I mean, come on. It's difficult. Yeah, compared to the rest. Compared to what? Sitting down and playing PlayStation at fucking 38 years of age? I might eat these words, but I mean, I'm just comparing it to the fact that these people

used to live in the fucking middle of nowhere. They'd have like 14 fucking kids. I Can't handle one I got all the sports packages, right? I mean what I mean how my fucking life's a joke literally Anyways, I don't know. Let's let's try to stay on top of you. I have no fucking idea Why they need a new stadium It's just stuff, you know, I can't talk and type in my password. Come on. Stick with it, Bill. Focus. Oh, and he doesn't.

Anyway, so we went to the game, and I had a great time, and the fucking Atlanta fans were like, the amount of shit talking. Dude, there was this one guy, this one fucking guy. He bought those fucking wide receiver gloves, where they have the logo of the team and then they cross their hands and they put their hands up over their heads. When the fucking franchise player scores a touchdown, he does that and

it looks cool. He was doing that at the end of the game just holding his hands up facing facing the fucking Rams fans I'm telling you dude this guy was like 50 all right you know all wire thin you know street dude right 50 years old and he walked out and he was making, doing a selfie video as he walked out, you know, talking all this shit. It's like, dude, you beat the fucking Rams.

I mean, let's fucking relax. You're not beating the Giants. You're not beating Seattle. You're not beating the Cowboys. You're not doing shit this year. Fucking guy running out like they just want to play a game. I don't know what it is about me, but I fucking hate when the fans from the visiting team

take over a stadium, even if I don't give a fuck about the team. I respect the Rams. So next thing you know, I'm talking all this shit to Rams fans, I mean to Falcons fans. In the back of my head, I'm like, why are you doing this, Bill?

You don't give a fuck. It's just the Rams fans, they didn't have have anything they weren't coming with the shit talk back they couldn't they were down 42 7 right 42 14 I think was the final so at one point you know when they went up 42 to nothing all these Falcon fans they start chanting ATL ATL AT, and I just started yelling, you're a hub city. No one goes to Atlanta. We pass through your city onto our final destination.

Started yelling all this shit about Delta Airlines. I believe that that's the hub there. And afterwards I just started thinking, why do I care? Oh, and then I also screamed at the fucking Atlantis punter. He fucking punted the ball, and this guy had a nice run back. And he comes off the field. Now, granted, he could have been mad that he kicked it to the wrong guy, or he was supposed to kick it away.

But he came off the field, and he did the double fucking pulling the chin straps off And he was like fuck Screaming all this shit. He was all upset. I Fuck it went off on him. I don't remember what the fuck I said I was just so beside myself that a punter would talk that level of shit. I don't sit the fuck down Have they washed your uniform once this year? fucking dope?

You're closer to sitting in the stands than you are actually being on that fucking do you know I mean You know it'd be like it'd be like if this guy was in the armory and he's he like peels potatoes And he's talking shit cuz he cut his finger or something like that and meanwhile He's sitting around a bunch of people that just came back from the front lines. That's how I look at it. I mean, I might be a cunt. I have no idea. So anyways, when I was sitting there watching the Rams game, I mentioned to my buddy that how there used to be a football stadium. I couldn't remember the name of it.

First, I said the Baker Bowl and I was like, I think that might be in Philly. But there was a stadium for anybody who lives out here in LA. A lot of people, LA is really bad about their history. And they had a stadium that was down where the farmer's market is on Fairfax and Beverly. It was actually a baseball stadium there too. I don't know anything about that, but they had a stadium called the Gilmore Stadium and called Gilmore Stadium. And they had a couple of NFL, like all star games there. And then they had like some defunct football league, like the LA Bulldogs or some shit play there. I looked it up on Wikipedia, um,

really this morning. I couldn't, uh, couldn't sleep that well. A little heartbroken Billy here. I couldn't sleep last night. And, umbroken Billy here, couldn't sleep last night. And then the baseball field that was next to it, if you ever watched those classic home run derbies, well they have like Al Kailine versus like Mickey Mantle and shit and you know they're in LA and you're like where the fuck is that stadium? They filmed a lot of it at the stadium right next to it. And

right now there's like the CVS lot there where they film like the prices right and shit. And as I was looking that up, I didn't know this. They actually had a Wrigley Field in LA that looks like from the map, it was near or north of Watts, LA, which is south of the 10 and east of the 110. And it was built by the same guy that made Wrigley Field in Chicago and Kamisky Field. I'm a fucking nerd. I like looking up that shit. I looked up shit about the Rams. They've won one Super Bowl. They won it in St. Louis, obviously 1999. People remember that and they won an NFL title in 1945 when they were still in Cleveland, which is where they started so They've never won an NFL title or a fucking Super Bowl here in

LA and I gotta tell you after watching him yesterday They don't seem like they're that much closer fucking Jeff Fisher taking all kinds of shit all kinds of shit They need to fire him they need to fire his ass all right Well, who do you think who else is we gonna replace him with you gotta have a replacement? I mean this guy's been in the fucking league forever Did take a team to the Super Bowl however it was fucking 17 years ago. He did well with Vince Young You know but in defense of him, you know if you looked at the last Since the Patriots

started going to the Super Bowl, okay, the Patriots have gone to six fucking Super Bowls. All right. And then as far as winning, Patriots have won four, Steelers won two, Giants won two, Packers won one. I mean, it's like literally like every fucking decade, there's like two or three teams that just fucking run the table. In the fucking 90s, it was Cowboys won three, Broncos won two. There's half the Super Bowls are fucking gone right there.

And you knew the 49ers were going to get one and they won four the previous decade. There's just always that Steelers won four in um, let's look at the 80s the 80s it was uh 49ers won four The Raiders won two that's six gone right there Giants won one Redskins won one Redskins won two All right, so that's four two and two you got three teams that won eight of the ten and then it was The Bears and whoever the fuck else. I just said I can't remember

Won the other one Wait a minute. How's it go it goes? Raiders 49ers Redskins Raiders 49ers, Bears, Giants, Redskins, 49ers, 49ers, oh Giants and the other ones, Giants and Bears 1-1. All right. Sorry, I'm getting all fucking nerded out here with the fucking sports talk here, which

I'll probably do a little bit more of, but I probably should do some advertising here, but I want to talk to you guys about some shit where um I told you I've been starting to get I found someone you know I fucked up my back last or this year with the sciatic nerd thing sciatica right I went through all of that shit through that I found a great crack chiropractor and then a great masseuse which has led me to this other person that I just went to who's, um, you know, a former like Mr. Universe bodybuilder and all that. And he's a fucking genius and everything. And, uh, I went to go see this guy because, uh,

I fucked up my rotator cuff like years ago. I've been trying to just fight through it and all that type of shit. And I finally went to go see this guy and like, I came walking in and, you know, those bodybuilders, they spend their lives just looking in the mirror. You know with fucking clothes on he just saw all of my shit It was it he just went like I Your shoulders are rotated forward your left one is actually closer to your neck than your right one is and Then he go and he goes stand in the mirror you see that dude I brush my teeth every fucking twice a day right two? Two, three times a fucking day. I've

never noticed that. I'm like, holy shit. He's right. Cause it's rotated in and turned ever so slightly. It's not like it's like fucking three inches, but you really have to look at it. And then he goes, all right, do me a favor, turn your head to the left and turn it to the right. And then he just started smiling because he knew what my fucking issue was. Whatever your neck muscle is, my chest and my trap muscles are too fucking tight. And your trapezi muscle, whatever it is, it goes all the way down to the middle of your back. But mine is super tight up top and my chest is tight so it's pulling everything forward and it's making my shoulders go up like my shoulders

always go up like so he gave me this fucking stretch even if you don't have this fucking problem I gotta tell hopefully I can describe it over the podcast here it's just stand up straight right and then just Lift your chest up put your shoulders back put your fucking shoulders back lift your chest up like to Like you feel like you're trying to make it go to the ceiling and then have your hands Your arms bring your arms back behind you palms up and stretch back as far as you can All right, like you totally open up your chest as you bring your arms back and try to hold that for a minute. It's been a complete game changer now.

So like my shoulders have come down because I didn't want to masseuse, she beat the fuck out of my neck. And my shoulders are fucking down a little bit more. But I swear to God, what I used to do like yoga stretches, like on one side, I could totally like, you know, they always like reach around and grab your arm or whatever, that yoga shit.

I could totally do it on one side, could not do it on the other side. And I've for my whole life, like I've had this fucking problem, like one shoulder being higher than the other forever. You know, and some nurse when I was in high school goes, oh, you got a little bit of scoliosis. Yeah, your spine's a little curved and blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, and just fucking who's, and I know the fuck she was. I was just like, yeah, that's the problem. And it wasn't. So I talked to this guy. He was just going like, ah, yeah, he goes,

I'll have you fucking straightened out in like a month or something. And, uh, so he gave me these exercises to strengthen up the lower part of the trapeze, whatever. And for the first time in my life, I'm going to actually be able to sit up straight just naturally. And, um, it do it. The amount of shit that it is affected, it's given me back problems like playing drums and stuff like I forever having to like adjust shit and wondering why, when like I sit down, like why I have to bring the snare higher than I should have to bring it.

You know, and everybody else would just sit down and be no, it seems pretty normal to me. I have no fucking idea what the deal was. And evidently I was all crooked up top. So I got to tell you that's something that I've learned this year. One of the biggest things I've learned this year is Like how medicine if you go to a shoulder doctor, he's just gonna fucking look at your shoulder You know what I mean? You go to your back doctor. He's just looking at your fucking back

But you go to these these masseuses and people like that They understand how the whole fucking body works and they understand like, oh, this is pulled out of alignment And it always comes down to balance Where it's like these muscles are too tight and the muscles on the other side are too weak So this is either pulling this forward or pulling this back Which is causing you to compensate when you walk and that's like you literally have a problem with your left foot because of your right shoulder It's fucking amazing if you get a good one, all right? You go to some rubbing tug place, you're still gonna have a crooked back, but you're gonna walk out with a smile on your face.

Sorry. All right, I know I haven't been this too funny, all right? I'm going through a lot of shit here, all right. Let me read the advertising here for this week. Oh, Jesus, here we go. Anyways, I've been hanging with my wife, barely doing any stand up, just sitting here waiting for the kid to come. And poor thing, she's all really uncomfortable. She's at the point, she's been such a trooper, she's at the point now, she's just like, let's get this kid out of me. trooper, she's at the point now she's just like, let's get this kid out of me. Right. And, uh,

last night was the first time I saw a kick through this fucking kick. Like, uh, I do these exercises, you know, I have to help me to do these exercises so she can try to stay limba. And, um, I just saw like, it was literally like, it was like a foot just fucking kicked aside. It was just like, it's insane. It's insane that there's a goddamn kid in there It's the most amazing fucking thing and also like I just say to your wife like I there's no way for them to convey it To you. It's like what is it like to have a person in you?

Living inside of you. It's like can you watch alien now and just be like I get it. I totally fucking get it so anyways, I hung in with her one night, right? And we watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Then we watched Frosty the Snowman as much as I could watch, you know, I don't get into Frosty the Snowman. It's too fucking, that one just gives me anxiety. You watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and it's slightly about racism and acceptance. You know what I mean? His own dad is ashamed of him and then he tells him to fuck off and then there's all the misfit toys.

There's something going on there. There's like this theme about racism and special needs kids. I don't really, there's just so many fucking other things going on that it's really fucking sad. And you watch it and it's 50 years old and you realize so much hasn't changed. And then if you go right into Frosty, the fucking snowman, and then here's this adult that's going to get on a fucking choo-choo train with some little girl. She doesn't tell her parents she's fucking leaving. And then there's the fucking stress that it's going to melt.

I was just like, you know what, you got to shut, I can't handle this, right? I can't fucking handle this. This is giving me too much anxiety, right? And so then we switched over and we watched a little bit of Mary Poppins, which I haven't seen in a long time. But I get all of those movies confused. You know, the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, is that that one?

Chitty-chitty-bang-bang. It's always some fucking old guy, rich guy, whose wife died, and now the new hot piece of ass comes in, and she shows him how to fucking loosen up. You know what I mean? That role has now been taken over by African-Americans. They come in and they teach the uptight white dude how to fucking, I don't know, do the electric slide.

I never watched those fucking movies, you know? But back in the day, it was a new fucking, like, chick in the guy's life. But this one, he was like married. But it was Dick Van Dyke, you know, singing chim chimity, chim chimity, chim chim-chiroo. The lifer of a fucking sweeper, that's what I want to do. They're all fucking happy as hell.

Completely romancing blue collar work. Rich people are all fucking miserable. And these people who are just going to die at 39, from fucking miner's lung, are somehow dancing around up on the roofs, covered in fucking soot. And I got through as much as that as I could get through. And, you know, I bought a Christmas tree, and I did all the dishes, I watched all of that shit, and like, you know,

the next morning I was going to the Rams game, so everything that I did in the last 24 hours is just completely wiped out. It's fucking unbelievable. That's how it works, man. That's how it fucking works. So anyways, oh, here's something that I did not mention. This is something you have to do as a man, especially if you have a wife and a family. You got to get life insurance, and I'm doing it this fucking week.

I just lost another friend who didn't fucking have it and you just, you have to fucking do it. Guys, we don't like dealing with our fucking mortality. I know you've watched enough of the first 48 that you're literally giving your wife a motivation to fucking take you out. You know what I mean? Um, but you got to do it. You got to fucking do it. So I'm doing that this week. It's been a brutal fucking week. This week I learned about loss. Like I didn't already have enough fucking examples.

I got the old fucking right there Fred this week. Anyways, plowing ahead. How about the fucking Giants? How fucking amazing are the New York football Giants? Every fucking year? I've been saying it all year Eli Manning is bored in September and October and then oh we got to fucking win some games here He just the guy just comes to fucking life. They beat the fucking Cowboys again. They got this amazing fucking defense

This is this is what I'm so jealous of as a Patriots fan. I don't fucking get how I was first for going like, why do we always have to get rid of our guys that are getting, becoming stars? This year, Chandler Jones we got rid of and what's his face we sent over to the fucking Browns. You know, always for the same shit, a fucking second round draft pick. You know, we got rid of Chandler Jones and what was the other fucking guy's name from fucking Florida University? Whatever, I'm so fucking busy with my wife right now.

I don't even know who the fuck's who right now. But it's just what I hate about the fucking Patriots, speaking of balance is we have all our money on the offensive side of the ball. All our stars are on the offensive fucking side. And we're forever getting rid of these fucking cornerbacks. Why won't we pay a fucking cornerback? All the way back to Tylaw and Lawyer Malloy, we just constantly get rid of those fucking guys.

You know, you watch, we'll get rid of that fucking kid who made that pick in the fucking Super Bowl in Seattle We'll fucking get rid of him when he wants a contract. I Don't fucking get it Grunk's paid Brady's paid I'm at imagine Edelman's gonna get paid if he's not paid already and then nobody on the other side of the fucking ball, it seems like Whenever they whenever they do whenever they're fucked defense

wins fucking championships and we fucking are forever doing this you watch tonight how many points is tom brady gonna have to put up on the fucking scoreboard to beat the ravens who always have a good defense i fucking love the ravens i love the giants i love the stealers i love those fucking teams that just they always have a great fucking defense What kills me about the Giants is they got this fucking killer defense And they still have Eli They got fucking what's his face there? Who you know, Jesus christ, what a fucking diva he is even when he's not on the field He's got to be like, you know trying to get the crowd going like they're not into the game. I fucking hate that shit

You know o'dell beckham. It's like we get it. We get it. You're a superstar It's not enough that you'd had a one-handed 90-yard fucking catch Now you got to be sitting there fucking up on the goddamn say it stands doing the YMCA dance with the fucking crowd Literally like the defense is out there Shutting down the Dallas Cowboys and the fucking cameras on you because you're fucking doing Christmas carols with the fucking front section. That drives me up the wall, right? They got him. They got, they still have enough money for that fucking dude Cruz. It's amazing.

But somehow Bill Belichick trades these fucking guys and gets like three or four second round draft picks that eventually mature into these stars and then we win a title and then it's like, then they want their money and then we fucking get rid of them again. So believe it or not, as much as the Patriots are, you know, looked upon as a number one or number two seed, maybe behind the Raiders, I don't know. I haven't watched the last couple of weeks. I know the Broncos lost. I don't know how it fucking works, but you got to think that we're one of the favorites

right to go to yet another fucking Super Bowl. But this is actually a rebuilding year for us. That's how great Bill Belichick is. But I think the Patriots lose tonight unless we we got to put up like I would say like 38 points Because Joe Flacco is no fucking slouch I Don't know. I just don't have any fucking faith in it and I don't think that the Patriots defense stinks

I just think every fucking year they're good guys, you know one or, it seems, gets the old fucking heave-ho. You know what the Patriots are really good at? We're really good at finding that fucking white dude who, for no fucking reason, is fucking really fast. The Wes Welkers, the Edelmans, the Amandolas, that's what the fuck we are good at. The Giants are great at finding fucking those guys that are built like are as fast as a linebacker, but for some, some somehow are the size of a defensive end. They get all of those fucking guys, they spot them a mile away.

Somehow we can't find them, you know? And I think the Ravens and the Steelers, they're really good at just getting those Hall of Fame fucking defensive backs and linebackers. Ed Reeds, Ray Lewis, fucking Steelers you can name like 50 goddamn fucking people, right? From the fucking steel curtain all the way up to Paul Amalo. They just, I don't know, they're just fucking good at it. So, having said that, I've been also watching my Bruins. I'm still trying to see where we're working towards. When we sent the entire Stanley Cup winning team,

gave over the course of two and a half seasons, sent every significant player from those teams out the door except for Chara and Marshawn and Bergy I don't know. I don't see we're a year and a half into this shit. I don't we're still a fucking eighth seed This is right where we were last year and I swear to God if they make our coach take the fall for this Alright, we better keep him and And at the end, we, if we think that this doesn't work out, all right, you definitely keep a Claude Julian. You definitely keep Cam Neely, but Michael Connell's got to fucking go because he's the guy who made,

as far as I know, he's the guy that fucking did all this. I don't know. You know what the fucking Bruins never want to pay anybody. I'm fucking believable. Dude, Pasternak has 18 fucking goals, right? I watched some of the Toronto game yesterday. I know we lost 3-1. I don't know who scored. I missed that part. And he's got 18 fucking goals.

Can you imagine if Sagan was there? We would have two fucking lines. At least we admit we fucked up when we got rid of Sagan, but whatever. But you know something, the Celtics are looking good. Al Horford is the fucking real deal. And I think he's a fucking leader. I think he's got, he's like a fucking superstar and he's not a fucking headcase. I'm loving that guy. You know, we got Isaiah Thomas, we got a point card.

We got a guy down low who actually can fucking pass the ball. He's brought the ball up the court. As much as everybody's freaking out about whether the Greek freak there, the Bucks, there's a bunch of guys six foot 11 can do that. I'm a fucking LeBron James. He's been doing everything that that guy does just because he doesn't play the point guard position. Everybody's fucking freaking out.

But that guy is amazing. All right? But I don't know. I'm loving what Danny Ange is doing. And I think we're one guy away. I don't know much about hoop. Whoever that middle guy is, between your number one and your number five, the power forward, I don't know what the fuck we need. A two or three, I don't know what the fuck it is.

But if we could just have another guy. We play great fucking defense. I don't know. Our bench is a little suspect though, right? Kelly Olinick comes in and that other fucking guy who can't... I swear to God. I think I could literally beat this guy taking foul shots. He's one of the... Like, was it smart? The guy with the fucking blonde hair? Anyway, so let's get to some of the questions here for this fucking week here.

I gotta wrap this up too because the people are putting the punch list guys are coming back to put the finishing touches on the kitchen. Oh, by the way, you know, this is free advertising. And a campfire, cooktop, top grill, you gotta get one, dude. I got one in my backyard. My wife was fighting me on that thing. I finally, I shut her the F up. I went out and I made, she, steak and cheese is one of her

favorite fucking sandwiches. I went out there. I went on the internet. I looked for a simple fucking recipe. All I did to season the meat was a little Worcestershire sauce and some salt. That was it. All right?

I had white American cheese. My wife visited the peppers and onions. I was like, fine. I sauteed a little bit of mushrooms. I had these fresh French rolls to fucking game over game over. She ate that thing. She didn't have time to say how great it was. She just fucking wolf that thing down. And I was sitting there like, you know, I need the approval. I'm like, was it good?

Did you enjoy it? She's like, how about the fact that I ate it in a minute? And I couldn't even talk because my mouth was so full. That's how good it was. I was fucking psyched. I haven't even done, I haven't even, you can do Rubens on that fucking thing. You can make the whole Grand Slam breakfast,

hash browns, pancakes, bacon, the whole thing. Get the bacon going. Slide the bacon over. You put the hash browns in that fucking grease. Go fuck yourself. Jason Lawhead already gave it the nickname because I'm bringing it to the Rose Bowl. He calls it the game changer. And he's going to be making Rubens that day. he's literally Jay lawhead is is a fucking ridiculous Cook he's unbelievable right he's so excited about that thing. He'd like dropped his voice like three octaves I Sent him a picture. He was saying I go dude you guys see what I got for the tailgate tailgate this year

He goes I really do what you get what you get and I show it to me. He's just like oh, dude Dude, you got see what I got for the tailgate this year. He goes, I really do. What'd you get? What'd you get? And I showed it to him. He was just like, oh, dude. Dude, you got a cooktop. Oh, dude, that's fucking limitless. You can do brats. You can do Reubens. You can do breakfast. And he just started fucking rattling all.

I just started laughing. He goes, that thing is a game changer. It's literally a fucking game changer. I can't even tell you the ideas that he, cause he told me I should put out my own one. He had all these fucking great ideas, but I don't want anybody to steal it. I probably won't put it out anyways,

but, um, so, um, steak and cheese is on the forget about on the diet. By the way, I've done a cardio every day this month. All right. 11 days in, I got day 12 here. I'm telling you go through the holidays, just do a fucking half hour cardio every day this month. All right. 11 days in, I got day 12 here. I'm telling you, go through the holidays. Just do a fucking half hour cardio every fucking day. All right.

And you pick your spots. We eat like a fucking moron. I ate like a moron yesterday. And then today you get right back on it. You know? And that way you start the year, you know, you're not a fat fuck. You don't got that extra 10 to 15. You don't want to deal with that shit. Or, you know, or whatever. Don fat fuck. You don't get the extra 10 to 15. You don't want to deal with that shit. Oh, you know, or whatever. Don't listen to me or listen to me. OK, here we go. Let's get to the emails for this week. All right. Mom worried about me traveling.

Dear Billy Scrotum had. I know what that's just fucking mean for mean sake. My girlfriend and I have been dating for five years now and finally decided to travel abroad together. You taking your broad abroad? She is a seasoned traveler, but I have yet to have traveled internationally. Well that's great.

She knows what she's doing. Just follow her lead. We recently purchased tickets to Greece to pop my cherry slash celebrate her birthday That's great I Just told my mom about the trip and a few days later received a text from her very worried about traveling to Greece Slash out of the country. I'm 27 years old Mom and scared of me getting you left out some words here, buddy Mom, and scared of me getting... Oh, you left out some words here, buddy.

My mom is scared of me getting killed due to the country's current state and terrorists. My mom took a few days to research all the negative things, unemployment, bankruptcy, etc. about Greece to try to dissuade me from going. Well, if she looked up the fucking... Is it Santorino? Santorelli? What the fuck? No, it's Frank Santorelli.

It's a comedian. What's that fucking beautiful place? You stay it's all ever all the buildings are white. It's right on the Mediterranean Sea If she looked that up she'd be fine listen if you live in America And you just sit in you if you're gonna listen to international news They're not gonna talk to you about great shit You got to watch the Travel Channel If they're gonna show the news, all you're gonna hear is bad shit.

That's like everybody in England thinks everybody like over here weighs 400 pounds and owns 15 guns and you walk down the street, I'll put them on your hip. You know what I mean? I see just as many fat fucks in fucking Great Britain. Maybe not as much, but there's a lot of fish and chip eating fucking rotted teeth. Ugh!

Dirty! Dirty white people out there. But that's all you're gonna know. Tell her to put on the travel channel. Send her a couple of fucking links, alright? Anyways, he goes, I understand that she's worried about her son, but I'm also aware that she lives in a shell and she's never traveled abroad. After hearing on the podcast that you have been to Greece recently, no, I haven't. I want to go there. I went to Italy recently. My question for you is, do you think an average Joe, first time, parentheses, nervous travel

like myself will feel safe? Any words to put me at ease? I would love to hear what you have to say, good or bad, as this will help in my decision. Dude, the greatest fucking thing is you're going with your girlfriend and she's a seasoned traveler. She'll know what the fuck to do, so just follow her lead. But I would encourage you to step out of your shell, learn a couple of phrases. The locals love when you make an attempt to speak their language, even in Paris as much as they get shit. If you're really fucking trying and you're showing respect for their culture and you're on your best behavior,

that's another thing too, when you travel abroad you're on your best behavior. Unlike all these fucking Europeans, so many of them that come over here, they literally start trashing America to you in the United States of America. It's like Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you? You know what I mean? Like as much as I was just teasing England, I go over there. I'm on my best fucking behavior. All right, I go on stage. I'll tease them a little bit, but in general I talk about what a great fucking time I'm having there. You can easily pick apart any fucking place that you go to. I'm having it you can easily pick apart any fucking place that you go to

So anyways, I would learn a couple of phrases Dude, you're gonna eat you're gonna have food over there. Like you've never had here before You're gonna see things you've never had you have to swim in the Mediterranean Sea. It is fucking life-changing and Dude, I'm telling you right now If you have any sort of stress in your life if you stay along the mediterranean From spain all the way over to greece like you can't fucking miss You know just All I would say is just watch out for pickpockets Okay, those gypsies are are the fucking bill bella check and tom bradies of pickpocketing

I mean they it is a fucking art form. They're so good at it, you almost won't be mad. How the fuck did they do that? So that's the biggest thing that I would worry about, and especially watch your wife with their big stupid fucking purses, and they're all excited, and they're fucking looking around. This is what you do. All right? You make a copy of your passport. Okay? Copy your fucking passport and you fucking keep your, you know, have it in the safe at the fucking hotel. All right? Keep it at the hotel. I take my

chances with some cleaning lady taking your passport. She ain't going to fucking do that, right? You have a copy of that, all right? I would definitely wear some sort of fucking like pants that have zippers on them that you can zip that shit shut. And when a bunch of people start coming up to you, crowding you, be it on the subway or anything like that, you put your hand on your fucking wallet.

You have it right there. I don't have any fucking thing of value whatsoever. And I'm telling you right now, this is probably making you fucking nervous or whatever. This is just misdemeanor, stealing shit, but will make your life fucking miserable because you're going to have your credit cards and all that type of shit and your money and all of that. It's just you know Pickpockets is the only fucking thing that I ran into when I was over there That's the only thing you have to worry about and just really really be super fucking hyper fucking aware when you're walking up

to Whatever the fuck touristy thing what do they got over there? They have the ruins all of that shit You know you're gonna go any any of that type of stuff like in Paris if you go up to the Eiffel Tower You have your hands on your shit and when people come walking up to you Speaking in English Just literally just fucking go no Pablo no Pablo and just fucking if they keep coming out you just say get the fuck away from me I'm telling you right now

You just tell them to get the fuck away from you any of those fucking broads coming up to you They want to you know, you're at the Eiffel Tower. What are you gonna? You stand in line you go in the Eiffel Tower get the fuck away from me They're coming up there to steal from you and watch out for their kids That's the only fucking thing because they are fucking tremendous at it That's all the anytime you walk out of there and I would also the next advice I'd give you is like just bring carry on. I'd even say that to your wife to just bring your girlfriend.

Just bring carry on. You're going to wear the same fucking t-shirt and shorts basically every goddamn day. No one's going to give a fuck. You're on vacation flip flops and all of that type of shit Okay, all I can say is just like, you know under pack and if you want to buy If you want to buy like some touristy shit, you know, I love I love magnets I love those patches those flags that you're gonna sew onto a coat or some shit, you know You have the memories you have the pictures.

What are you going to eat? You don't need to go out and buy some wooden shoes and a big beer stein. If you want to buy some shit like that, ship it back. Do that. Just go there, have a good time. Watch your fucking valuables when you're around fucking, if you're on the subway or if you're near anything touristy. Other than that, have a great fucking time.

Chill out, eat the best fucking food you're ever gonna fucking have, and swim in the Mediterranean Sea and you'll have those memories for your whole fucking life. It's the greatest fucking thing and I feel bad for your mom that she's never traveled outside of the country because it's a great thing. All right, clingy girlfriend. Clingy girlfriend, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Hey Bill, as you may have read from the title of this email, I am dealing with a clingy girlfriend bump bump bump bump bump. Hey Bill as you may have read from the title of this email I am dealing with a clingy girlfriend. We've been dating for three months now and pretty much have only known each other

What we've been dating for three months now and pretty much have only known each other for three months now So it's a pretty new relationship. Okay, so I get it You didn't work with her gradually work up the balls you saw You saw her and you said, bitch, you coming with me? And she was like, oh my god, you so direct. Anyways, as I've gotten deeper in the relationship, I've started to notice more and more red flags. I'll tell you this right now, if you start noticing more and more red flags three months in, I already have my finger on the fucking eject button, personally. This far into your email.

Okay, four. run the fucking eject button personally this far into your email okay for for example she gets mad and starts crying if I want to go to the gym by myself and not bring her up fuck this over over over over fucking over or if I don't reply to her texts within five minutes she calls me and asked me why I don't reply to her text within five minutes, she calls me and asks me why I haven't answered. She's even already said, I love you to me, and I actually said it back when we were having sex, accidentally said, I love you. Only a guy can say that.

And now she says it back to me all the time, and I have to say it back because I don't want to break her heart and tell her that I don't feel the same way. Well, you already have You already have. All right, just give her a three month broken heart. Get out dude. Get out I've even tried to break up with her like a week ago. Get out get out And she started to have a breakdown saying how much she needed me and how she can't live with that. Get out Get out get out of. So I told her that we could just stay together because I felt bad. All right, dude, you've basically already broken up with her. She goes, she also just randomly flat out said that she

can see us together forever. I don't know why I'm noticing all these things now, but I'm only 19 years of age. Well, there you go, dude. To be honest, I still... Ahem. Sorry. The fuck is going on with my throat here? Screened too much yesterday. And to be honest, I still want to live the bachelor lifestyle

and not be in a relationship. Dude, you know all the answers to your question. Try all the different fish in the sea. Sorry if I sound douchey, but I just really need help here, but I don't know what to do. Thanks Bill, and come back to, I'm not even going to say the name of the state, this chick's such a psycho. Yeah dude, this is what I would do. And I'm taking this from Al Madrigal, the great Al Madrigal, who no one knows how to end shit like him. If you listen to any of our live ATC podcasts, he worked in his family business and at your

age, 19, he was already, he was the hatchet man. He fired adults. And he told me one time, the best way to get out of a relationship, okay? If, and this is for everybody, dude, if you have a woman in your life and you have to break up with it, they're going to drag you through the shit. Okay, if you want to expedite the deep planning process, um, if she has anything over your apartment, get it all together, put it in a box, call her, say we need to talk. You show show up with the box you hand her the box you tell her it's fucking over

Right you let her cry you fucking leave now if she has keys to your place You don't even need to ask for them back you already have changed the locks If she offers to give you the keys back, you take them. But you never offer the information that you have changed the fucking locks. It's out. It's over. It's done. Dude, rip this bandaid off. That's your fucking Christmas gift. And anybody out there right now, male or female, if you're in a relationship you don't want to be in, fucking do it. do it fucking tonight Get your box together change your fucking locks and the shit

Your Christmas gift don't go to another fucking Family event someone else's family that you don't want to fucking be with you or to yourself get the fuck out of it All right messy girlfriend Hey Billy, oh, I live with my girlfriend for the past few years and have tried and failed repeatedly to get her to tidy up after herself. She lives like a borderline slob with piles of her shit everywhere on most available surfaces. Instead of putting stuff away after herself, she'll just leave it out for days. Most days I'll come back from work and the bed will be piled high with clothes and the dumb contents of handbags, et cetera.

In the evening, very underrated zeppelin song by the way. This will often just get moved to the sofa and then in the morning move back to the bed. Every cover and drawer is piled full of her shit. I have a couple of small spaces for my belongings. Everywhere else is full of clothes. She hasn't worn for months, parentheses, question mark, years. Dozens of handbags, purses she doesn't use, bits of paper, cards she keeps, she's keeping for who knows what, dozens of beauty products. She get the picture. I do try to keep things tidy at best I can for my own sanity, but it would be nice to

have not to have to nag her every so often to just tidy up after herself. If I kept pissing on the toilet seat and she kept telling me how annoying it was, I think she'd be right in thinking what the hell is wrong with this dude. Surely tidying up after yourself is about respect for the other person or people you live with. I know the whole accept me for who I am bullshit and all that, but come on. I was wondering what you were, you're the lovely Nia's, Nino's thoughts on this are. Well, I'll tell you this dude, that's not gonna get any better.

It sounds like you got a small time hoarder on your hands here. Forget about it if you get married and have kids. So you gotta ask yourself right now, are you gonna marry this person? If you're not, pack up your own box and get the fuck out of there. And already have an apartment ready to go, by the way. You pack up your box, you bring the shit over to the fucking apartment. While she's at work, then you call her, you say, listen, we need to talk. And then you get the fuck out of there.

You say, I'm going for a drive. You drive over to your new apartment, and then you call her up from a payphone, and you say, by the way, when I said I was going for a drive, what I really should have said was, I just moved out. Good luck to you and let's try and win in Chicago. You hang up. You go a little Robert Kennedy there, right? It's fucking over. I can tell you right now, dude, I couldn't tolerate that. I couldn't tolerate living with a fucking slob. I fucking hated that when I had guy roommates. I never understood how guys thought it was funny to have fucking pizza boxes and all this shit,

living like a fucking animal. It's like, guys, we live here. It's fucking gross. So you have to decide if you love this person enough to accept this part of them or you have to, or maybe you throw down an ultimatum. Like if there's no fucking way I'm living my life like this, this is completely unacceptable. You have way too much shit. You need to throw out at least 70% of your shit, okay? And if she gives you a rough time and just say, listen, either that shit is going out the door or I am. Are you saying that you're choosing that over me?

Yes, yes, because I'm telling you right now, I am not going to be happy. Are you telling me that you love your fucking bags more than you love me? Just turn that stupid psychology shit right back on him. Get it the fuck out of here. It gets the fuck out or I get the fuck out. And then you put on some Christmas music.

Have a holly jolly Christmas, right? All right, here we go, next one, three stooges. Hello, Mr. Burr, I was wondering who your your favorite who's your favorite stooge I know most people are curly fans but I've always been a Shemp fan any who have a good day Shemp is unbelievably underrated the fact that he had to follow curly and curly was in bad health slash I think might have died during his tenure. I love Shemp. But Curly, yeah, Curly is the best. But Larry, Larry's under fucking rated too.

Larry's fucking hilarious. And Moe was the bully. I could never get into Moe because I had an older brother. I was just like, yeah, fucking asshole. I used to love it every once in a while when Moe would lose one of those little slap battles. But I loved all of them. And people always say, you know, you're either a Stooges fan or you like the Marx Brothers.

I fucking hated the Marx Brothers. I thought they were boring as shit. I bet if I got up now that I'm older, maybe I'd enjoy it more. But I don't know. I just thought it was clever shit. With three stooges was just fucking, it was hilarious. They were just beating the fuck out of each other and I don't know. As clever as a joke is, is there anything funnier than seeing somebody walking into

a fucking window or falling down a flight of stairs? There's nothing funnier than watching somebody hurt themselves. I don't know, maybe I'm just, maybe I'm just not smart enough. Uh, you know what? I should look at the Marx brothers before I trash them. I will tell you that. One guy could fucking play the harp like nobody, huh? All right. Um, all right, that is the podcast. Um, for this week, uh, I hope you guys enjoyed it. It's been a brutal week for me. Um, you know, I'm very happy that we were able to find a new home for my dog.

They've already sent us texts and pictures and she's totally fine. And I'm glad that we didn't have to, there was no fucking way that that dog was not gonna continue on living. She's had an amazing life she's lived like three different books and me and my wife were happy to be what we do seven and a half years with her and I Love her to death. I'm gonna miss her like hell, but I had to do it because You know the alternative was gonna be something horrible and I did not want to have to fucking live through that. But I am devastated, and I would appreciate it if you don't send me any fucking insensitive

tweets about it, because I'm really on the ropes right here. All right? That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr for the Anything Better podcast. We got a read here for BetMGM. Oh, geez, Billy's reading here.

BetMGM, BetMGM is offering $1,500 in free bets to get your season going in week 15. Where the hell have you been? What were you, in a coma? Going through a breakup. How to get this offer in four easy steps. Number one, you download the Bet MGM Sports app on iOS or Android and use the code BURR, B-U-R-R or visit betmgm.com slash burr.

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I love how they give you $1,500 like back in the day the Coke dealer would give you a couple of free bumps. Then they got you. First touchdown offer. Simply place a prop bet on the player to score the first touchdown in any NFL game. If your player doesn't score first but instead scores second, you'll get your stack back in cash. There you go, people. Bet in cash. There you go people. Bet responsibly. Don't be stupid. Make sure you get the broad, the dude, the they, whoever's in your life. You know, maybe you're asexual. Now who's going to tell you you're betting too much on the freaking Panthers. All right, that's it. Have a nice day. Andrew, where

are you? There you are. I was getting scared. I was so scared. Who did he take? He took the Bengals? I hate that thing. So yeah, I'm going to drop in Paul right now with a video of his picks. I'm going to take the Cincinnati Bengals

minus five. Alright? I think they're going to make a last minute run here. his picks? also gonna take the Dolphins plus three. Oh man, this week is Paulie Underdogs. Yeah, so the Dolphins I'm gonna take plus three. And then I am going to take the Buffalo Bills getting two and a half against the best team in the NFL, the Detroit Lions I think Buffalo can make this a game or even win it so I'm gonna see what Josh Allen and them can do so those are my picks he took the Bengals the Bills the Dolphins

and who else the Saints oh when those Saints go marching in, two, three, four, five, oh, when them saints go marching in, I wanna be along in that number. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. All right. Here we go. You ready? Oh, yeah, let's do it. All right.

How you doing? It's old Billy Redface all by himself. All by myself. Paul Verzi is, I don't know, what happened to him? He got arrested for being Italian in Dallas. He's on his way back from Dallas to get to the motherland, New York City. You know, it's funny, somebody said

to me, I was having this argument with somebody and they were going like, because I always make fun of New York just to get them going, you know, and he was going, New York is the cultural epicenter of the world. And I just burst it out laughing. And then he pulled up like shit on the internet that actually said that. And my favorite thing goes, there's over 800 different languages spoken here. is spoken there that's it and then maybe you hear 800 accents so that's like you get into a cabin the guys like good and Todd yeah yeah and I also love most of the people I know in New York it just like Boston we're fucking meatheads and I'm just picturing these meatheads in New York just going

New York is the fucking is the fucking Paris of Americas Don't you wish to play for the Knicks? Just go get yourself a bacon egg and cheese and try to do basic math in your head you dumb fuck All right. No, New York's a great city, but not because of New Yorkers. I'm talking about white New Yorkers. Most of the great white New Yorkers came from somewhere else and dominated your city because you were too busy buying a Yankee fitted in some Jordan ones. All right.

There you go. Little roast, little roast action. All right. But I do love New York, you know? I love New York, just the way, you know, I love those glass towers that no one can afford. It's fantastic. What a cultural epicenter of the Illuminati. All right, so I'm doing this by myself. Last week, everybody, I got frustrated with trying to figure out what was gonna happen happen and I decided that I was going to bet

The exact opposite of what I thought was going to happen and guess what Jake? Guess what Andrew? I went three and one That is a half a point from going for now For now Eagles the Eagles are gonna blow out the Panthers. I'll take the Panthers the Four and oh, Panthers are playing the Eagles. The Eagles are going to blow out the Panthers. I'll take the

Panthers. The Bills are playing the Rams. Their coach is combing his hair forward at this point. He's so stressed out trying to run that team. There's no way to beat the Bills. They take the Rams. I win that one. Then I took the Buccaneers because I

**** love Baker Mayfield. You know, they win and then I had the uh the Cowboys were playing whoever Monday night was it the Bengals? Yeah. Yeah. It was six and a half. They lost by seven. So now here's what you do. As a gambler you have one good week and then what do you do? You're like oh dude I cracked the fucking code. Here we go. I'm gonna bet a bunch of shit that doesn't make sense I'm not falling for that trap. I'm gonna go back to my dumb picks of not watching the NFL on any level All right Jake the snake Can you explain to me why a 12-and-1 team that has the referees in their back pocket their French their front pocket?

And their fucking lapel is playing a 3 in 10 team and they're only 4 point favorites. You know it has nothing to do with injuries. I think it just has to do, I think Vegas is just tired of them not covering. I think they haven't covered in like two months or something. So I think they're just putting on a number all the time. Why would Vegas be tired of that? They would only be tired if they were losing money on them.

Well, actually that's true. Good point. Yeah, but um, yeah, the Chiefs haven't covered a number in a long time. So that could be the only explanation. Jake, you're such a sweetheart. I thought you were going to argue with me. And you're like, oh, you know, that's a good point. Do you know how bad I wish I could do that? I fucking love you, Jake. Alright,us four.

First, the goddamn Browns. You know what? That I hate that fucking game. That just seems I mean, that seems obvious. The Chiefs are going to fucking cover that all day long, right? That seems yeah, seems very obvious. Well, guess what I'm going to do, Jake, because I'm a maverick. I'm a rebel. draw line around you you you watched me cross it whose act am I doing

Jason I'm doing a Fred Stoller's that I'm gonna take the Browns getting four points because why not Jake why not because because does does it make sense does any of this make sense verzi took the same the funniest way that game opens like just like a fumble, touchdown recovery fumble like. Yeah, none of it makes sense. Probably Jamie. I feel like the Chiefs will be covering

into the fourth quarter. And then Mahomes, hey, they tipped the ball, whatever the fuck it do. What about last week? I mean, Jesus Christ. The guy took his helmet off in the end zone. I'm sportsman like Conduct. I told him, put his fucking helmet back on.

Terrible. What is going on? Do the refs know the game's on TV? That's my question. It's getting to be like wrestling. Patrick Mahomes must make it at least to the AFC championship game. You know what it is.

You know what it is. They don't have, there's nobody else playing at his level. There just isn't. He doesn't have the Montana Elway, I'm telling you. And until they do, until they do, they're just gonna be getting all the calls. Josh and Ellen sorta. God bless them. Have you ever been to Kansas City?

Looks very cold. All right, the Ravens are favored by 16 against the Giants. The Giants going for a number one draft pick. They should just roll over and show them their belly, right? Right. They got fucking Eddie fucking Linguini playing under the fucking center, pick they should just roll over and show them their belly right right fucking Eddie fucking linguine playing under the fucking center whatever they're doing right that doesn't make any sense to take the 2-11 team versus a team that's fighting for their playoff lives should I do it Jake should I do it

Paul would be very proud I take the Giants on 11, I'm not gonna get crazy here. I like the Panthers. No, I don't. I don't like any of this shit. Panthers are favorite in that game. I know. That's kind of weird thing. God damn it.

All right, I gotta go Baker Mayfield. I gotta go with my guy here. Go in there. Yeah, he's gonna age Captain Comeback a couple of years with all of his shenanigans. I think this is the time of year the Raiders fall apart. They're cleft forward home. I'm gonna take the Falcons.

I just feel like the Raiders fall apart. This is the time, their Christmas gift every year to the ridiculous loyalty of that Raider fan base is to just shit the bed. Shit the bed. I'll take the Bears getting seven. I'll fucking take any game. You pick a game. I'll fucking, I'll give you a pick.

How many more do I have? One. Well, if you take the Bears, that's your fourth. Dude, how good is that Bill's line? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the fourth one. Uh well, if the game of the week. Um the game of the week. Um the game of the week. Um the game of the week. Um that's gonna be awesome. Alright. that's lines is a great game though. That's definitely the game of the week. That's gonna be awesome. All right. Now, what do you think Jake? Okay. It's far. Fuck this game. Okay. This game is just like all the possessions. This game is just like all the possessions in your apartment. It's meaningless Jake. Okay. We don't care about that Jake. We care about you. What's going on behind those glasses. Come playoff time. Okay. With the refs just fucking back massaging

the fucking chiefs every week. Now I don't think that they're going to take them to the promised land. Although what does the NFL have for a storyline? Let's look at the storylines, okay? On the way back, okay, on the front burner, the main dish, you got the Chiefs, Cannae, 3P, and fucking, you know, what's-her-face is going to be up there, and Travis Kelsey, and take your helmet off in the end zone, it's okay, right? They're the hot chick in the NFL. You got the Lions. They haven't won since 55. Not a sexy city. Not making America a lot of

money. Not moving the needle in music. They haven't since Eminem was there right before that it was Motown. I Don't need to tell you this Jake. Okay, you have a wall of fucking Wax that would scare quest love Ted Nugent Ted Nugent right between Motown Ted Nugent. There you go Ted Nugent before he got all political What happens to every old person they just start talking politics and you have to get out of the room. All right, then I would say, then you got the bills with their lake effects snow. I'm being honest with you, my generation, you know, we just can't care about them anymore. Okay, we watched them go to the Super Bowl four years in a row. We listened to their sad stories

We listened to them building them up that they were somehow heroes because they didn't study in high school and then got blue-collar jobs All right, and then they come back years later with ravishing Rick rude fucking pants and jump on tables All right. It's a fucking clown show up there Yeah, and I feel bad for Josh Allen that he has to try to drive that clown car out of the fucking lake. So those are the three stories I feel. And then for whatever reason, the Ravens, even though that record isn't that good, I think that they could they could upset somebody gun to your head, Jake. Okay, before you say who you think is going to win

the Super Bowl, just so you add credibility, can you please take your glasses off and do one of these? And then tell me. Ah, that's the Walter Cronkite. I don't think this war is winnable. Who do you think is going to win the Super Bowl? I think it's going to come down to the Chiefs and the Bills. Whoever wins that game, I think they're on a collision course. I think those, one of those two, whoever makes the Super Bowl is going to win. I don't believe in Detroit, just because they have Jared Goff. I just don't think he's like a Super Bowl-winning quarterback, even though he's made it to the Super Bowl. I believe in Jared Goff. I just get't think he's like a Super Bowl winning quarterback, even though he's made it to the bowl. Really? I believe in Jared Goff. I just get nervous on their fourth down calls.

Yeah, they went for it. They went for it five times last week against Green Bay, I think it was. So that's, it's great when it works, but you know, it's really risky. He went for it on his own 30 on one of them, so. I know. And was there ever a bigger statement that the prevent defense doesn't work? He was so terrified of giving them the ball back with 41 fucking seconds left, that they were going to get the ball in the 20 or wherever they start now. And we're somehow I mean, realistically, you got to get to the other teams at least 35. That's like a 53 anything beyond that. That's like you know it's hitting a moonshot and he in 43 seconds they're going to do that because they're going to give them 20 yards and that bullshit that they covered the sidelines it

just doesn't work. So um well you're saying no surprises in the AFC playoffs. You're saying that everybody thinks it's going to be Bill's Chiefs. You don't think nothing in there? Nobody, no surprise? You don't think the Ravens? See, I think the Ravens have been. Yeah, no, right?

Ravens with that defense? They have the tools to win that. They have the tools to win that one game. They've got everybody. They've got Derek Henry, they got Zay Flowers, they got Lamar Jackson, it's a physical team. It's a physical team. They could do it. I think they could, but.

That'd be the team. I know what you said. Andrew, you know what you could do? You could put a fucking suit on with what you just said and say that on any one of those sports channels and no one would know that you, that you weren't supposed to be there. Get a contract. Yeah, I could've just made that up. They got the tools to win the one game? That was fucking amazing. the it was good. It was good. It

was very good. Look at they froze him in the in the thing they're so nervous about what he was saying. I actually I'll tell you I believe in Jared Gough. I think I think like what people are are forgetting is last year. Last year Jared

Gough was a victim of a call. Like that, going forward on that fourth down and not getting it changed the momentum of that game and all of that stuff. And then they all got happy feet. I think Jared Goff with the tools he has and all of that type of stuff. My only thing is that this going forward on fourth down shit,

you know, like every drive you're acting like there's two minutes left in the game and you're down by four points. That's to me is their Achilles heel. But I 100% believe in Jared Goff and I think he could be a Super Bowl winning quarterback. I don't believe in the Bills. I feel like they had their team a few years

ago and I don't know. They've just been really fucking erratic this year. So who knows? What do you think the NFC said? What do you think the NFC said, Jake? It's tough. I mean, Detroit should make it, but Philadelphia looks really good. It all just depends on like how the bracket shapes up. Cause I think there are certain teams that match up better with Detroit. And I think there's some- How can you say Philadelphia looks really good?

They haven't had a good season. They almost lost to the Panthers this past week, Jake. Where's your- They've won nine in a row. Yeah, they've won nine in a row in San Juan. They're living in two. 2,000 yards. They're gonna be be tough out in the

playoffs. And I think Green Bay is a sneaky team as well. Yeah, Green Bay could upset somebody I you know, I, I go back and forth with that Nick Siriano guy. Sometimes I'm rude form because I see the mental mess he is and I relate

to it. But what I don't like is when he wins. I don't like all that shit talking he does. Like, yeah, like I just that's why I almost don't want him to win. Because if he does that, like I was so nervous when he whatever play he called and then he went to the camera and went and fucking nodded like that. I'm like, oh my God. Are all coaches, all the Bill Belichick's of tomorrow, all the next Nick Sarianos and all that, did they see that? And they're going to be like, that's what I'm going to do? And the funny thing is, is he's nodding like that.

And so much of their shit is just analytics. It's some nerd with a fucking computer told him what to do in that point The game and then you're gonna knob so it's art We got to the point when I was growing up There was a half dozen guys that were like sort of flashy guys Billy White Shoes Johnson Hollywood Henderson Butch Johnson. There was a handful of guys that had end zone celebrations and fucking whatever. And then it became everybody when you went to the end zone.

You know, within 10 years of that, you had the Icky Shuffle. Everybody had like the Deon doing his little fucking thing and everybody had their thing. And then the Jerome Bettis generation, you celebrated a first down. Right. And then somewhere in there, a field goal kicker celebrated something, jumped up the air and blew out his ACL. But there was always been a hard line between the players and the coaches and the coaches never did it. Although Rex Ryan came close till he threw it, it sat down on the ground and got a death job, right?

Dan Campbell's doing it now. Well, dude, by the way, did he have a cold last week? He looked like fucking Rudolph with that red nose. He looked like he drank a whole bottle of bourbon. No, no, I don't think the Lions coach is going to do it. My prediction is if the Eagles ever win it, the amount of sideline nodding and celebrating that Nick Soriano, Siriano, however you say his name,

is going to do, within two generations of coaches, they're all going to be doing it. And then your generations are going to be like, I missed the old NFL. Will you just quietly call plays? And people only did the moonwalk when they got a three yard rush. He's going to dance in the end zone with the team. That's the new coach. Yeah, he'll get a instead of a sneaker deal you get like a headset deal.

Yeah, anyway, yeah that's where I kind of worry I'm not a lot of you guys like I I missed the NFL last week I didn't watch any of it I just uh I'm slipping away the same way I stopped watching the news I feel like I'm just sort of falling away. I don't relate to it anymore And be the NBA an NBA games to me looks like a fucking shoot around What people are guarding? It's like they're just running from the three-point arc and listen I'm not being a dick here. It's the greatest errors of shooting I've ever seen some eight-foot roof can hit like a three-pointer like ten feet behind the line. It's incredible, but it's just like They go down the court three pointer down the court three point it down the courts It's same shot same shot same shot same shot

euro step drop step I I still can't watch the the amount of traveling in the NBA and I remember I have said that to people and actually Barton I cut a funny line. He was just like he goes. Yeah, remember I've said that to people. And actually Barton had a funny line. He was just like, he goes, yeah, he goes, but that's like my dad's complaint. I'm like, I don't know, man. Like that's that if you grew up in the eighties, nineties, like that's a travel.

Like that's a travel. Like I just, it is. And it's good. You know what I missed hearing? His creativity around the basket. And that's when you know what i missed hearing his his creativity around the basket and that's when you would go in there there was another set there was a seven footer from the other team maybe a power forward and your seven footer and you had to fucking go in i meant you know when's the last time you saw a double pump this side of the rim underneath reverse layup in fucking traffic somebody trying to take your head off

I missed the physicality of the game yeah it's because they all take charges now so they'll take a charge hoping to get an offensive foul and then the guy going in is on his like third step so he doesn't have I don't know maybe he's got more inertia but like yeah it's the whole the paint's a whole different game they used to work it in and out of the paint

like semi-pro there when he he keeps passing back and forth. I don't have it, I don't have it, I don't have it. But they used to do that. Yeah, pick and roll or something. Well, I think what really changed the game, though, was the fact that the defensive player can get called for three seconds in his own hand. Yeah.

That's like telling the goalie, he can only be between the pipes for fucking, that's like telling the goalie he can only be between the pipes for fucking into the post for three seconds. Insane. I can't guard my own goal. All five guys have to be able to stand in there with

their hands up. No, no, no, no. That's no because there was a point in the 80s where that's why they that's why they initially came up with the three second rule for the offensive player because the guys got so big. They, I remember that Sports Illustrated did an article saying, are they outgrowing the game? And it showed the Celtics front three

where it was Bird, it was six, nine. McHale was six, 11. And Parrish was seven foot tall, which was like a big deal back then. And so it was getting rid of some of that. So like, I'm not saying there weren't problems in the game when I was growing up. But, you know, I think they'll fix it if I hope they do because it's it's I love basketball. It's an incredible I love all the sports. They're incredible games. But I feel like the owners are, you know, they've reached maximum density with their fan bases and offense sells the game. So they're just, I don't know what they're doing with it. Or you know what?

I'm probably just old is what it is. Anyway. Yeah. The talent's there though. It'll be a hundred percent there. Steph Curry is, I think Steph Curry is the Jordan of this era because he changed the game. Do you think he's past magic? You gotta change the game.

Like whenever they say, Kobe rest his soul or LeBron is better than Jordan. It's like what I always is, he didn't change the game. The game is still the same. But then also when people from my generation say LeBron couldn't pay playback and he, you fucking guy. Let's see a defensive lineman He'd be playing the game physically And he would be of the mindset of the era right and he would basically be like, uh

Like anthony mason scoring, you know 40 points Like lebron would have been great on those early Knicks team, those early 90s Knicks teams. And he's just playing the game the way it's played today. He definitely would have adjusted because he would have had to. What's he going to be? Some seven foot goof working at the gap? He would be like, all right, this is how the game's playing. I'm going to play it this way. It's also the era where players take a little more liberty over like the coaches orders, which I feel like probably maybe happened like in the 90s, but like LeBron literally plays every position. Like you can watch a different possession and he's playing a different position. You're not

always under center, but I'm just saying like he's taking the ball in every way. Do you guys want to do a quick Monday night special? It's Raiders Falcons. All right. I'm going to go. I'm going to hedge my bet. Go against me. What is the spread? Is it four or is it three? Four.

Four. Falcons are giving four to the Raiders. We got Kirk cousins and is it Carr? No. Carr is... Marvin Hagan Jr. and uh is it car no car is um Martin Hagen jr. it's gotta be um I'm gonna car car is with uh the saints man yeah yeah yeah yeah sorry Mitch Trabisky I think they have Aiden O'Connell or somebody bad I just know that's right that's right

that's right alright Kirk Cousins scores points. Okay. He did it in Minneapolis. He did it in Minnesota. Right. Is that what this guy's career's been? I'll take Kirk Cousins to throw one. What if we took one to throw an interception? Because he does turn it over quite a lot. It's Desmond Ritter for the Raiders. I like the first name. I don't like the second name. The first name sounds like a touchdown. The second name sounds like a sitcom star.

Desmond Ritter. No relation to John. Rest his soul. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to go. Yeah. He should have gone after Janet. That's my opinion. All right. All right. Kirk Custin. That's a throw one. I want to, I can't, I can't go wild like with an interception because that's not fair to Verzi.

Verzi wants to win here, but he's not here to tell me the names of the players. Right. Who's there? William Andrews right now running back. Bichon. Yeah, Bichon. The Falcons have Bichon Robinson. Do they ever run it in anymore?

Only with Eric Andrews. What's the over-under? The housewife bet. 44. Under? Most of the money's on the over. I like the under then. This has boring game written all over. I think under is great.

Yeah, okay. So cousins, the under. Oh, we need a third. What's the odds the streaker makes it out to the 15 yard line. If it's in Vegas, we can get probably a good money on that. That's a prop bet. We could fix that man. Jake, if you're willing to do it. We're one of those one of those Mexican wrestling masks and have a cape on and just run out there and we'll just bury the streak a bit. Just a little insider trading. Yeah that's all. We're politicians. Hey it's an entertainment league Vegas. It's an entertainment league. But was that not are you not entertained? Yeah, that would be entertaining.

Dude, if you put your glasses on, on the outside of the mask, immediate legend. All right, what else? Give me some of the best. So we got, you wanna do under Kirk Cousins to throw one. Under Kirk Cousins and then... Well, they have, we could do receivers, maybe the yards or running backs. the Falcons and then the really good player but I don't know what the yards are.

It's 80 and a half so you can go over 80 and a half rushing yards. What's the anytime touch? No, under. 80 is a big number. Yeah. 80 is a big number. So that'll be the three. Hey, by the way, I was hanging with this old school guy. I used to work in Vegas when the mob was there. And he told me, you know what they called the half a point? The hook. Yes.

I never heard that the hook. Yeah. And I can't say what he said, but he said the hook and you can, you can fill in the blanks, the hook is killed more so and so is than so and so you just go into history it's just fill in those blanks that would be the end of my crits not my saying but I don't even want to repeat it but that was saying out there see it as how the show made CNN last week we can uh yeah gross was that that those fucking assholes on CNN sat around acting like they actually were confused or surprised by the reaction that people don't like CEOs and then them sitting there like

they were going to get down to the bottom of it. It's like these CEOs are behaving the way they are because guys like you are not doing your job because you're not journalists on CNN or Fox. You're not. You guys are treasonous people who are sucking the corporate cock and you're fucking looking the other way. And then when like, you know, when athletes says something or a fucking soap opera star tweets something or some regular guy hoards hand sanitizer in their fucking garage, you

act like you act like that's the reason the country's going to shit but meanwhile you can Still charge 600 bucks for a pill when you're going when you got leukemia go fuck yourselves CNN did all of those pieces of shit. It did say promo code burr, which is hilarious Right on CNN it's like jam promo Ben MGM promo go brr. And it just like bounced past. I got to tell you one of the funniest things ever to me is that Anderson Cooper has a podcast. It's like, you don't have enough money. It's on TV, by the way.

You're on CNN. You're a Vanderbilt. You get hammered in Times Square every year with what's his face. You got to go and take some dot com money out of some feature acts pocket. Jesus Anderson. And I love the headphones too. So you know it's his podcast.

The average like CNN show gets like, and that just the numbers that they report is like, I'll say less than most of the shows less than the average Monday morning podcast. It's insane. Shots fired. Anyways, all right. So it was. I'm just saying, you know what I mean? Like, what are you going to do next? You're going to put together 20 minutes and start going on the fucking road? This week we got Anderson Cooper next week. We got Bill Burr coming here. And then I show up, dude Anderson had to add shows. I'm like, what the

fuck? Hey Bill, can you do some morning radio? We had Anderson Cooper here last week. He's doing the it's like you know if he did a live podcast they would have that little fucking oriental rug with the chair and he would have drink and no tie so you know that he's fucking loosening up right this is the cnn's anderson cooper this is this is hanging out anderson cooper who's still not going to call out these fucking pieces pieces of shit i i just it's it's uh it is depressing and it was fucking great you watched though you you watch they're already starting to say this Luigi kid was an Anti-capitalist because what they want to do is is they don't want us to identify with him They don't want red and blue came together working class red and blue came together fuck CEOs Okay, and now what they're gonna do is try to divide us again, and this box probably already doing it on Instagram. I'm telling you, these people should be in jail for treason.

Somebody said it's the first radical centrist shooting. That was kind of funny. Because both people, they were trying to pin him. They were like, look at all these right-wing people he follows. And then people were like, well, look at all the left-wing people. Like the guy was quoting Ted Bundy, like, or not Ted Bundy, Kaczynski, but whatever. It doesn't matter. Yeah, they're trying to make him seem like he's mentally insane to make it look like, oh, this is some crazy murderer, but I don't know.

He might have been a little off. He might have been a little off. I guess you have to believe. Hey, dude, you got to be a little off to do it, you know, to succeed in life. You got to be a little crazy. You got to have a little delusionment. You want to want to leave a legacy i mean he had a whole hit list like he was gonna get to those other guys well scratch that guy off the list doopie doopie do like he was gonna like he was going shopping you know what i love you know what i love about people

is people are complicated just and you can't put him down. Somebody like they posted like, wow, like he was really like well-spoken and well-thought. And then they posted a picture of him with a beer can hitting against his head, cracking it and pounding it. Not even around friends, just like in the corner of like a party. I was just like, yeah, everybody's everybody. Yeah, yeah, it's called layers.

Yeah. He's an intellect. No, people who watch my act, they think I just walk around all the whole fucking day. It's like, no, I don't. Sometimes I'm just sitting in the corner quietly wondering what the fuck happened to the last 40 years. Alright, I have to go. I got bullshit I gotta do. Alright, that's

the podcast. God bless all of you on both sides. Don't let them divide you. Don't trust those fucking news channels. All right. Think for yourselves, you dumb cunts. All right. All right. I include myself in that. All right. I'll see you guys later. So I travel a lot, I mean a lot, perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes about being the big boy. And I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible.

Recently, I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff. And before we got to the gigs, we were like, let's just get an Airbnb. And it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, you know, it's communal living. It's just a less stressful place, more enjoyable experience. So when I go on tour, you know, like I'll be going on tour in a couple months, I always am like, well, could my place be an Airbnb?

You know, just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes. Yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world.

Turn your home into an Airbnb. Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.