Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-25-20

Episode Date: December 25, 2020

Bill rambles about food shopping, bad information, and losing his shit building a bike.

Oh, welcome to the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. I hope all you cunts are well. I'm lying here in my office doing this shit. As I decided to start a fucking podcast on Thursdays. How are you, everybody? What's going on, man? What's going on? It's Christmas Eve.

Oh, it's the holiday season. Scooby-dooby-doo. I hope all you guys are having a very merry Christmas. I hope you enjoyed your Kwanzaa. First people, I hope you got your Chinese food lined up for tomorrow. My wife, she decided that, you know, we were going to order a Christmas dinner, right? Because what would women be doing if they weren't spending fucking money, right? You know, it's like, or we could just cook the fucking meat we have in the freezer.

No, I just was kind of in the mood. So she goes and orders. Orders. The only thing that gets orders around here is bulls, Frank. So she orders this fucking Christmas meal. So they had the Christian meal, and then they had the Jewish meal. But all the Christian meals were gone, so now we're having a Jewish meal. We're having Chinese food on Christmas.

So I guess, you know, I don't know what. I guess I've been in Hollywood too long. So we're going to see Jewish people, we're going to see what this is all about. I'm kind of excited about it. You know, you got to love Chinese food, right? You eat it and ten minutes later, you're hungry again, you go back and you eat it again, you're hungry again. You know why?

Because there's no nutrition in it, all right? There's no nutrition in it. The Chinese food in China has nutrition, but the Chinese food here does not, I feel, unless defeating it to other Chinese people, because, hey, man, they're trying to take us out, you know, the whole China virus and the Chinese food doesn't fill you up, it poisons you. I'm telling you, man, it's a thing. I'm fucking with you. I was talking to a buddy of mine who just, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, he went, he went, he went,

he went. Hey, by the way, any Chinese people listening out here living in Los Angeles, this is what I want to know. Where do you get, where do you go to get your food? Okay, and if you don't want to tell me, because you don't want to ruin it by having some orange gingered cut like me showing up to your spot, I totally respect that. All right? But if you're a little more open, a little more progressive, and you want to tell me where

it is, I would also, why don't you give me your third choice? You don't have to give me your first choice. All right, just, just help a round eye out over here. Anywho, the fuck was I talking about? Oh, one of my buddies, oh, let me tell you, let me tell you, remember when I was totally, if you're a longtime fan of this, remember when I was really into conspiracy theory? I still believe all of that shit. I just don't pay attention to it anymore.

I get it. I get it. It's, it's illegal for me to start a Ponzi scheme, but the Federal Reserve, that's okay. We can protect that with, you know, dead babies and all kinds of other, they don't give a fuck. Right? I get all of that. Okay.

I get that the pharmaceutical companies right now, they're not all about trying to cure people. Okay? I think the people working on it are, but the people up at the top, the green people. All right? The green people up there, and I don't mean they're into the environment. All right? They're into dollars to roll up, snort a fucking line out of some hooker's ass.

That's what they're into. That's what they're into. All right? There's some sort of shirt with their fucking initials sewed into the cuff. I'm talking about those cunts, all right? They want to be the ones that have it. They want to be the only ones that have it. And they want to buy, I guarantee you, they want to charge out the fucking ass for it.

This is the big thing. They're not trying to save people's lives. They are trying to make a fuckload of money so they can blow lines out of some hooker's ass. Okay? And you think, if you think she's getting the vaccine after she lets them do that, you've got another thing coming. All right?

So, anyways, my buddy is real. Okay, I'm into all of that shit. I believe all of that shit, but I don't torture people with it, okay? I just accepted that human beings, we are imperfect, myself is at the top of that list, and we're doing the best we can, all right? And the reality is, is most people can't keep secrets, can't keep their fucking yaps shut, so the government has to have their secrets, all right? You got sociopaths in every country, usually in positions of power, and they don't give

a fuck about other human beings, so it's a dirty game. It's like the NBA in the fucking 90s, when the Knicks had that fucking, the Broad Street bully team, which I loved. I loved. Back in the day, where you had to be a man to dunk a basketball in the NBA, you had to go into the trees. It was like Predator. I see him over there in the trees, shaving your fucking head with a dry razor.

That was the NBA that I grew up on, okay? Not this fucking hanging out on a yacht with all the stars around the league, and you guys all fucking jump on the same team, like those, you know, when you come out and they introduce you like those chicks at fucking Radio City Music Hall, and then you go out and you trounce the fucking league because nobody has any talent left. I'm not talking about that league. That's not the league I'm talking about. I'm talking about the NBA right up until they flipped out because the Indiana Pacers beat

the shit out of some people in the crowd that deserved an ass-kicking, all right? And those white people who sat in that fucking crowd and who accidentally got punched have a lot of fucking nerve getting upset with who punched them, considering they live in that fucking state and they look the other way with all those fucking Klan members, all right? So somebody was going to have to take a fucking knuckle sandwich for it, all right? And that's what you get for bumping up your seats. Do you imagine if that happened that night?

You know that when they do that with some sad sack they take it from the upper deck? We're going to bring it down courtside, right? They're like, oh my God, stuff like this never happens to me. There is a Santa Claus. And then they bring them all the way down. And next thing you know, met a world peace. It's fucking swinging it, you goddamn melon. I mean, that's when the league was exciting.

OK, now I got to tell you something. I'll all the bitching that people did at the same time. OK, if you fucking if you fucking. Into wrestling, you got to love that they went into the crowd. If you like hockey, you got to love that they want those as old shit. Speaking of which, I watched the fucking I'll talk about my conspiracy theory friend here in a minute. I watched the Celtics Bucks game, great game.

Absolutely atrocious call at the end of the game. Thank God for fucking instant replay. It was just like Jesus Christ. They got another mobbed up breath out here. The fuck are you talking about here? Plus, I had the Celtics getting four, you know what I mean? And I was just like, I need this game to end in regulation right now. All right, that's what the fuck I need.

I this if this goes on over time, I got a feeling I'm going to lose this bet, right? So I had the Celtics. So anyway. The fuck was I talking about? I was talking about bringing people down. I literally just had to go back and listen. What the fuck was I just talking about? God damn it.

All right, I hate when people do this to me, especially on radio shows and you can't fucking call in. Remind me and I'll finish where the fuck was I going with that? He's talking about the NBA. Tuffy used to be predator, sad, sad, coming down from the upper deck. Ah, shit, guys, it's gone. I don't want to tell you. It's just fucking gone.

I was watching that game. I want to fucking bet. Yeah, it's gone. Just like that, just like that, you know, just like your friend. When you were a kid, you know, you played every day. And then just one day a moving band showed up and you never saw him again. And it was the 70s and your parents never, never let you deal with that emotion. So years later, you know, you're sitting on some busted leather couch

in a fucking green room and some chuckle hut. Waiting to do a third show on a Saturday night in front of 18 people. Trying to figure out how the fuck you ended up there. Sorry, I'll remember later. All right, so my conspiracy theory friend was texting me and he was showing me this fucking article about, you know, all the ways the government has fucked this thing up and, you know, and fucking over the small businessman and all this type of shit.

And I'm just like, yeah, no, yeah, no, they could have done a better job. We all could have done a better job, including people who don't wear masks and just stand six feet apart from people. I don't think that's such a big ask when you get a flat screen TV and your clothes are all made in a sweatshop by crying children. I think you can put on a fucking mask and just and he writes back, masks don't work. And I just write, all right, buddy, good night. I'll talk to you later because I don't want to argue with people about this shit.

And then he goes, this whole thing was perfectly set off by China. And I can't take something. Dude, that's what's wrong with the fucking Internet right there. OK, somebody needs to regulate this shit because this guy is absolutely convinced you go on a fucking laptop and you watch a video and they put music underneath it. People just fucking believe it. They believe every fucking goddamn thing that they're looking at.

And it's like, you got fucking people now. They think the fucking world is flat. It's a bunch of stupid cunts going to get in a boat and sail. Not sail. Well, what do you call it when you fucking turn on the motor? Cruise, a fucking cruise down to Antarctica to go look at the fucking ice wall. They think there's an ice wall there.

There's a wall of ice holding back the oceans of the world. But the government is like, what is. What is the benefit of people thinking it's round when it's really flat? What what does anybody gain out of that? Or do they just want to be right? I don't know what it is. But anyway, like this fucking guy is not a doctor and he doesn't work for the CIA.

So it's like, dude, I'm not listening to you. OK, now if you if you tell me I got a friend who works in the CIA and he's telling me that China started this shit on purpose, then I got to sit there and I got to read your body language. Is this guy just saying this shit? So I'll believe it or does he really have a friend? And how good is that agent that not only did he spill the beans of this jerk off, that he spilt the beans of some jerk off

who can't keep his fucking mouth shut? What if this was a test of this guy and he just failed it and I'm going to get whacked with him because I'm sitting here to fucking taco stand as he's telling me this shit. So I just say goodnight. I don't want to be I don't want to be a part of I don't be privy to any of that shit. So anyway, like I said, the goddamn vaccine is coming. All right, I will take it.

And if I no longer make fun of the standing president, which I'm going to have a ball with Joe Biden. I had a great time with Donald Trump. I had a great time with fucking Obama. George Bush and Clinton. I mean, that was just back to back comedy gold, you know. And then I don't know what Obama was all right. His wife was funnier.

And then and Trump was just I mean, the guy was just he was prolific, fucking prolific. And then I got a feeling Joe Biden and his nitwit that he's with is going to be even better. That's what I'm thinking. Anyway, let me plow ahead here. So for my my daughter has been asking for a bicycle for Christmas. All right. And there's no way she's not getting one.

All right, if she asks one. OK. I got to do it, right? Daddy's little girl. OK, it's not this is this is how I look at parenting. All right, with my son, it's going to be my job to say no. I can't expect my wife to say no. That's how it works, right? And if there's a daughter like the mom's got to be the back. It's it's always good cop, bad cop.

All right, I'm good cop with my daughter. I'm going to be bad cop with my son and vice versa. Somebody's got to put their foot down. And then the other person kind of has to back him. But like just not be the one not be the bearer of bad news. So anyway, my daughter asked for this bike, right? She wants a green bicycle. So I'm like, oh, that's great. I got a green car.

This is great. I'll get her the bicycle. So I'm scouring the Internet. In other words, I googled for about fucking three minutes and I find this great bicycle. I put the fucking thing together. And about three days ago, I'm like, holy shit, I forgot I got to go by training wheels to put it on this fucking thing. And do you know that this goddamn bike?

I didn't just buy a bike. I bought into an ideology. And their ideology is that training wheels hold the kid back, which is amazing. Because when I was a kid, everybody had training wheels and we all learned how to ride a bike. You know what I mean? There was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Right?

And these guys or women, whoever have this fucking bike company are so adamant about the fact. That you're not going to put training wheels on this bike. They invented a fucking screw. That I don't even know what the goddamn motherfuck. Sorry, fucking tool you need to take that fucking thing on. You cannot. They made it that it was impossible.

One guy on fucking Amazon figured out some MacGyver shit. And he was describing all the shit he bought at the hardware. I had to like start googling, you know, I mean, I'm eating potatoes at the fucking hardware store, you know, not bolt, screw, washer, extension cord, hammer. I don't go deep. I'm not in those fucking. I don't go in the pro aisles of the hardware store, you know,

with this fucking that PC fucking. I'm going to say PCP, PCV piping and all of that shit. You know, you look down the aisle and it just looks like everybody there was underneath the house for the last 10 years. Those guys, no. No, those guys. I'm not those guys, right? So I didn't know what half of that shit was.

So I was so fucking goddamn. This is, you know what this shit is? The fact that they, you know, they, they should just say, listen, we advise that you don't put training wheels and give you options. The fact that they're like, no, you can't with this bike. And the fact that it's not blazed across their fucking website before you buy this bike, just to let you fucking know. Because now let me, she's going to fall down.

She's going to need fucking knee pads, elbow pads. It's just the shit that's going through my head as a as a parent. It's going to knock her fucking teeth out. I got to run alongside this goddamn thing. The fact that they don't even give you a fucking option. With this goddamn bike, you know what? You know, it's been starting to stay in my way. You know, that's man bun shit.

That there's a fucking line in the sand. A lot of people think it's like music, auto tune. It isn't the man bun. When it became acceptable that a guy walked around, you know, with with his hair done up like that, like some chick after she banged, you know, some fucking dude and she was going down to get a coffee. The fact that a guy could go to work dressed like that. With this scraggly fucking beard, where his mustache didn't connect to the beard

and his stupid ass fucking man bun like that. That was a change. OK, the warning was dressed down Fridays and we started with that shit. And now we've ended up with guys with man buns. Now, I know man buns are out. It kind of seemed like they went away, you know. But, you know, there's definitely it's like Jesus that there's before him and then after him, you know, before him, there were wars and after him, there were way more.

I don't know what I'm saying here. All right, the seltzer's got the Brooklyn Nets next. By the way, I'm just going to give into this fucking ideology because he's fucking cunts. He's forcing on him and I would call him up, right? But I know God damn well, it's on our website. It's on our website. Where? What did I have to click on? You fucking douchebags.

All I saw was bicycles. So I get for waiting 90 years to have a kid. All right, there's no training wheels anymore. It inhibits their blah, blah, blah. Dude, this is an experiment and you're using my kid as a goddamn guinea pig. So I don't know. I talked to a buddy of mine who's a younger dad and he told me that he taught his kid that way. So I kind of, all right, all right, all right, maybe I'm stuck in my own ways.

Maybe I'm doing the old guy. This isn't music. Maybe this is a better fucking way, but I don't know. So now I got to take the fucking pedals off and turn it into a balance bike first. I guess, I guess that makes sense. It kind of makes sense. I don't know. I just wanted to ride bikes with her on fucking Christmas.

That's what I wanted to do. I didn't want to have to go out there and worry that she was going to knock her fucking teeth out. All right. Anyway, sorry. I'm glad I got that off my chest. I'm sorry you had to hear it. You know, I'll send you a little basket of fucking treats. How about that?

All right, here's a question I have because Celtics are playing the Brooklyn Nets. Who kicked our fucking ass a week ago? Here's my question about Brooklyn net fans. Were you New Jersey net fans first? Then I get it. I just don't understand the Brooklyn fan. There was a fan of the New York Knicks. First of all, a legendary squad.

Even though they haven't won in a long time, they've gone through it. But still, New York and basketball, they play at Madison Square Garden. They called the Knicks, New York Knicks. I mean, that is just one of the badass like city with name of team that you can have out there. The Knicks. Some fucking man shit, right? Then you get the Nets. That kind of sounds like the Knicks, but it isn't.

It was an ABA team. You know, I will say they did have Julia serving, right? He's with the Kentucky Colonel's and then I think they became the New Jersey Nets. I don't fucking know. But I just want to know how you as a Brooklyn, New York Nick fan growing up. Okay. And you lived and died and all of that shit. You have all of that emotion invested in the New York Knicks because someday they're going to win a championship.

And I'm telling you, you're going to see grown men crying, right? And you just walk away from that because they stick a team in Brooklyn and you live in Brooklyn. I just don't fucking get it. If I worked for the NBA, I would say this is not going to work. New York is the Knicks. Okay. Brooklyn, they played out there with Jimmy Hoffa's buried. All right.

What are we doing here? So tell me, that fascinates me because I've never really talked to a sports fan about that. People that like just switch teams. Like, I got a buddy of mine, a longtime Cleveland Brown fan. He was heartbroken. A friend of his just couldn't take it anymore and said, fuck it. And he became a Steelers fan. He didn't say, fuck it.

I'll root for the Rams. He went with their rival. I mean, it's like a Bruins fan becoming a Canadians fan or, you know, a Laker fan becoming a Celtics fan. However you want to do the math just fascinates me. So it wasn't like the Nets were some big rival, but it's just, I'm just really curious. Like, I know the Knicks, it's been, they've been asking a lot of you to be a fucking fan for a while. But it is the best, like, I think fan experience. It's the perfect to go to a game.

It's the perfect combination of, it's just New York. Like everybody's there. And then you still have the LA, like Laker thing where you got some famous people sitting courtside. And it's the garden where Led Zeppelin played. Frank Sinatra did his comeback thing. It's all these fucking Ali fought there. How you just say, fuck that. And you go to the Brooklyn Nets with their goddamn arena.

They got like a car sitting out like the corner. They have like a car sitting where like all these great seats should be. It looks like you're driving by a dealership when you look at it quickly. It just fascinates me. I'm just curious about that shit. How you went from a Nick to a Brooklyn Nets fan answer. Although it's looking pretty good as far as your happiness right now. But I was just, what did you do with all your old Knicks gear?

Did you just throw it out? Your Skywalker jersey? Kenny Skywalker? Patrick Ewing? Larry Johnson? Anthony Mason? Alright, let's talk turkey here. We got to do a little fucking advertising.

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to headspace.com slash burr today. All right. Hey, by the way, all my Latino listeners, I tried a torta the other day. Remember when I was telling you how I judged a Mexican restaurant on their burrito? I judge a pizzeria by their margarita pizza. I don't want you hiding behind your fucking toppings.

That's like the guy talking shit backing up in a bar, Joe de Rosa, and all his friends filling the negative space. What's that gonna say? I judged a Mexican restaurant by the burrito. And then some Mexican kid wrote in and he said, the burrito is the ultimate fucking gringo white guy order. Don't order that shit.

And he had all of these suggestions for all of this other shit. One of the things I can remember was the torta. So I went in there, my broken French, and I said, I was like, Buona premedi, señorita. Je voudrais un torta. Si vous plaît. All right.

So they got me one. They were like, what kind of meat do you want on that? And I was like, je veux poulé routi. I ordered the chicken, right? Oh, sorry, je veux. Je veux de poulé routi avec bombes de terre. No, I ordered the chicken and I gotta tell you something. I ate that thing and it fucking sucked.

It was a goddamn mayonnaise sandwich. All right, Mexicans relax. Let me get to the end of this. So now I know that that restaurant fucking stinks. Okay, I'm not coming down on the sandwich. I'm not coming down on the cuisine. I'm just going to get this through the help of a Latino listener. I now know that I should not be going to that anymore.

So thank you. And I am now in the search for somebody who knows how to make a torta correctly. Correctly. And with that, let's start this. Come on, let's fucking share some information over here. All right, let's share some information over here. I want to hear from Chinese people. Where you go to get your Chinese food here in LA?

Okay, I want to hear from lesbians. I want to hear what you do to keep your girlfriend fucking from nagging at you. All right, just whatever you got, just fucking come at me. All right, if you guys want to learn some bald ginger shit, just ask me some fucking questions. I have no problem answering. Speaking of answers. So I've been telling you I got a new ride here as far as the helicopters that I'm flying.

I got the, the Cabri G2. And so the other day I was flying it again. And, you know, I got the hang of it, you know, because I was telling you the main road turns the opposite way. So it changes your, your pedal inputs, right? So I got that down to the point I got it down. Good enough, I should say that we tried to do some auto rotations, which is you simulate engine failure. Yada, yada, yada.

I have to tell you something. I, the only way for me to describe what it's like to do an auto rotation in the Cabri G2 after coming from a Robinson R 22. Is do you remember in Ferris Bueller's day off when those guys took the far, the parking attendants took the Ferrari out. And remember when they went over the hill and they were smiling? That's what it was like. Because the R 22, which I fucking love that helicopter, by the way, that helicopter, because if you can hover in that thing, if you can fly that thing, if you can do auto rotations in that thing, it's only going to get easier from what I've heard from other pilots because, you know, I'm fucking a weekend warrior.

But I will tell you, that was my experience going to the Cabri G2. It was fucking amazing. Okay, like I, the way that you just lock in, I felt like I was coming down and I was, I was floating on a cloud versus the 22, where I had to be like 10 knots faster and I was dropping like a fucking stone. I now have a three-bladed, fully articulated main rotor system as opposed to a two-bladed, semi-articulated, whatever the fuck you call it. And I had finally gotten those fucking things down in the 22. And now all my pedal inputs were different, you know, collective down. Now it's left, left pedal instead of right pedal.

And, but what I love is, is I always felt like in the R22, there was like a sliver of RPMs that you could play with where before you were too low and the low RPM horn would come on. And then you'd go to correct it. And then, then it would fucking start to overspeed and it really took a high level of skill. Or, you know, if you fly as not often as I do, it took a long time for me to fuck and I do, I've done a million of those things. And I was really starting to feel it in the 22 when you start to feel the RPMs coming up and you almost don't even have to listen to look at the gauge, you can just hear it. And, you know, I was catching them coming up and I was really, I really had it all the way down. My flare was nice, you know. I kept fucking up the flare where I would pull the stick too far back and you would balloon up and then you're going to lose all your inertia and your main rotor blade and then you're going to slam down on the ground, probably blow out your skids and fuck up your back.

Right? Which who wants to do that, right? So I was finally getting that down. So anyways, I did like five of them and it was so much easier and it was so much slower. I felt in the 22 that like within four auto rotations, we moved on to the more advanced shit that I was doing with the 22, which is basically rather than picking out a spot. You know, when you first learn them, you just, you're looking out and you're looking at a spot that you're going to glide down to. We started doing the shit where towards the end where you're over your spot. So you just let the thing drop, you bleed off all your forward airspeed and you just let it drop. And then, you know, you've lost all your forward airspeed, which you're going to have to recover and you had to judge it when you'd nose it back down, you know. And you're almost like backing up to get to the spot and you nose it over, regain your airspeed and then do your flare.

So it took me forever to get that level in the 22. I did five auto rotations and my instructor was going, all right, let's try it like over the spot. So I'm thinking in my head like, well, we're already moving on to advance our rotations. This is fucking cool as hell. So very, very, very, very excited. And I shouldn't keep, I'm not coming down on romances because they're fucking great helicopters. And every time I see an R22, anytime I look in the cockpit, I just smile. I've had so many great times in that fucking thing. But I think most people in aviation, you start out and then, you know, they're the low end things and then you move on to something else. I couldn't be more fucking thrilled with this thing. So any pilots out there considering, you know, what you want to buy, definitely, you know, or what you want to, I don't know, I think you got to buy those things.

I just lucked out with there's a deal here with the people I've rent from, got one. But like if you're thinking about buying one, I mean, this is like free advertising. I cannot fucking tell you. Like I love this helicopter so much. I'm trying to find merch on the internet. But then I'm like, am I going to be that dork who shows up like this is my hat because this is the helicopter I fly, you know, like they're sponsoring me with my 250 hours. But it was so fucking, it was just, it just made my goddamn week. I am in love with that helicopter. I still love the Robinsons and all that shit. So I'm not trying to cause any bullshit here. I'm just being honest. I love those helicopters and now I'm flying this one and I love this one even more. And it's just fucking amazing. And it's great that it's out there because I think it's going to make the Robinsons even better.

So there you go. That's the podcast. Sorry for the nerd and out with the helicopter shit there in the end. That's it. You guys have yourselves a very merry little Christmas. I will talk to you on Monday. I hope all you guys stay safe. You don't do any dumb shit. Shout out to all the overworked people in the hospitals. Kicking ass out there every day. That's it. Go fuck yourselves. Have a great weekend. Your cunts. Merry Christmas. And I'll talk to you on Monday. . . .

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