Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-27-18

Episode Date: December 28, 2018

Bill rambles about working your core, old school Celtics, and wars.

Hey, what's going on this fucking damn thing I you know, I ordered this stupid part. I swear to God, I'm picking it up today. God damn it. Let me hold it on to it like a terrorist for the last time. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. How the fuck was your goddamn Christmas? Why is this wire all fucked up? God fucking damn it. I swear to Christ. I said this was the last fucking time I was doing this. Didn't I? Isn't that what I said? You know what's really fucking amazing is the abilities for wires to just get all fucking how do you look at it? It's like how did that happen? How the fuck did this whole fucking thing

go down like this? The headphones. The fucking headphones. All right, hang in there for fuck's sakes. Yeah, you feel better because I'm losing my shit. Does that make you feel better about your fucking cubicle dwelling fucking live? I hope it does. I hope it does because I'm all about the positive vibes in the two to the one nizzy 2019. How are you? Did you have a merry little Christmas? Did you get through it without arguing? I forgot to give you guys that pep top. Don't take the fucking bait. All right. One of your siblings is a Trump supporter, or they're a fucking liberal Larry, or they're a centrist. Centrist Susan. You know her never picks the side. Jesus Christ. Only fucking person I know could meet a serial killer and be like, well, I guess I can understand why

you need to feed. Oh, yeah, really talk to me when you end up in a trunk, Susan. There's no reason to do that. There's no reason to do it because you're not going to get what you want, which is the satisfaction of the other person going, Oh, my God, I never realized how right you are. It wasn't until you called me a closed minded fuckhead that I just stopped and paused and was like, wait a minute. Am I a closed minded fuckhead? Am I closed minded? You fucking believe what Kathy just called me a closed minded fuckhead. Yeah. On Christmas, it's like, Hello, Colin, you're stalking much. You know what I fucking can't stand? I can't stand when new speak comes out there. I get it back in the day, you know, we were cavemen walking around like doing that shit,

you know, gotta come up with some fucking words. So you wouldn't like be asking for, you know, some water, but yet sound like you were jerking off. That's the noises I make. That's why I do it in my garage. Don't want to bother anybody. No, and I also understand it. If something new comes along, you know, like an iPod, what were you supposed to call it? A little stereo? I don't fucking know, right? I understand those words. I just hate when new fucking words come around. And then everybody just starts fucking saying them. It drives me up the fucking, especially like on Twitter, when there's the new or Instagram. And they just come when they go, remember that for a while, like when you posted something, someone will just go this, you know, and then what's with

some other that stupid shit out there, I can't fucking stand just drives me up. It's so fucking unoriginal. I just had somebody give me shit saying something I tweeted wasn't funny. And they used a gift. It's and I wrote the guy back at least I'm fucking write my own jokes, you fucking hack. Someone had to like fucking think of a funny response to my unfunny joke for you with a little video on it. And now you feel like you're clever. I just drives me up the fuck, you know, I just got back into working out, right? Fucking, if I hear one more fucking, you know, because I'm I got those those TRX bands. All right, if I hear one more douche, tell me that I'm engaging my core, you mean work in my abs? You fake tan cunt? And what's great about these is

you're always a little off balance. You're always engaging your core. You don't board a plane anymore. You expedite the boarding process. Stop acting like you got a degree, you fucking waitress. Um, you guys could not put your jacket to the overhead department so we could expedite the boarding process trying to sound like you have a fucking law degree. You're on here for one fucking reason only and that's for cheap airfare. It's not acting like it was a dream. I like to travel. I like to wear a uniform. I like to expedite the boarding process while engaging my core. This hashtag shaking my head.

Let me ask you fucking Twitter. Consec question. How many times have you hashtag shaking my head and you actually were shaking your head? Okay, I'm trying to think last time I fucking shook my head. I actually probably do it a lot. It's when I try to keep my my fucking cool while I'm driving. It's fucking guy. Oh my fucking assholes out here on the highways. The way they pass you on the right hand side, it's unbelievable. You can get into the left lane doing like 40 miles an hour. You want to get off the highway. You got to be doing like 120 and you watch them pass you doing 80 and you look in their lane and there's a guy a quarter mile away and they're gonna have to stomp on the

fucking brakes. I think it's just psychologically psychological out here that there's so much traffic that you just think to yourself like you know anytime there's an open space you're like you just fucking floor it. Or maybe I'm just that douche who has like the baby on board sign in his head. I have no idea. But speaking of cars, my latest obsession, if I was going to buy a car right now, all right, if I was a single man, if I didn't have a child, if I had a full head of hair to flow in the breeze, I would get the Porsche Targa, the fast one, all right, in lava orange, just like my pubes. Because I am a child of the 70s. And remember that shit in boogie nights when Philip C. Mohoffman, rest his soul, he's talking to Mark Wahlberg's character and he says

how the Corvette is in competition orange. That was my favorite fucking detail. 70s detail. Competition orange. Oh, wait, he didn't have one. He had a, oh no, Mark Wahlberg's character got the Corvette in competition orange and then Philip C. Mohoffman showed up with like a Datsun 240Z or something. Still a decent car, right? But I say it's no Corvette. Anyways, I got to see what that looks like because I hope it's not a red orange. I'd want an orange orange. You know, there's a lot of things right now. It's just like, I don't know, everybody's got to start fucking with the colors. But that thing and it's got the automatic fucking rooftop. There's actually Porsche enthusiasts who are engaging their core when they press the fucking send button on the

YouTube comment. We're complaining. Actually, complaining. The old one, you had to do it by hand and then fold up the cloth top and then put it in the bonnet as they say overseas. Put it under the fucking hood. Now this one, you just push a button. The back end lifts up a little bit and then the top fucking goes down like that. It's a fucking work of art. And there's all these cuts right and like, I'll leave it to the Germans to take something really simple and make it a fucking, what make it fucking perfect? Someone's like, I would be concerned if I, if there were somebody could buy behind me. I mean, that comes a good two feet up behind the car. Well, then fucking pull up, make the tires do one rotation and then push your button.

I'm amazed that when they designed this, are you amazed? The fuck are you ever designed? Oh, why am I in such a mood? You know, I just, I had a bad night's sleep. I had this dream that I was, I was playing the Wilbuff Theater in Boston, Massachusetts. One of my favorite promoters out there, Bill Blumenreich, he was in my dream and he was talking the way he talks going, right, Bill, I saw that article they wrote about you, you really said some mean things about me. I was like, what are you talking about? I would never say mean things about you. I love you. I go, no, I just kind of, kind of came off a little mean. So I fell like an asshole. Like, however, I was joking about him. Somebody came off his

fucking means. I had apologized to him. And then I go out on stage. This was a stress stream. Because I hadn't been on stage in like five fucking days. And I got this European tour coming up. So I just booked myself at the comedy store starting last night, right through Sunday, just going to do as much stage time as I can. And I had a great set last night. I don't know. It's just, I think, you know, I just know I got a fucking, I need to do all these nights. And then I'll then I'll be fine when I go to Europe or whatever. So I go out on stage in my dream on the Wilbur theater. And if for some reason it's like six stories in the air, six stories up, and there's people way down below who clearly can't see me. And I feel like I have

to walk to the edge of the stage, but I don't want to fall down. And I'm making fun of it and nobody's laughing. I'm just bombing. And for some reason I'm on eye level with the six story balcony level. And they're just staring at me and I'm not doing well. And then halfway through my set, and there's all these obstructions to like I'm walking and all of a sudden I'm like behind some giant pole and nobody's laughing. And I'm like, Oh my God, what the fuck am I doing? And at one point I was laying down on the stage crawling towards the edge because it was also really dark and I couldn't see how deep it went down. I dropped the mic down there. Somebody turned on a record player. I shut it off and it was just like, Hey, where are the monkeys?

You know, it slowed down. It wasn't that song. I don't know why I just picked that, maybe because I'm a dancing monkey on stage. I have no fucking idea. And then halfway through it, one of the few comics that I don't like in this business came fucking walking out like the selfish cunt that he or she is and picked up like a little square fridge that you'd have when you lived in like a studio apartment. And I was like, really? And the person was like, Yeah, really? And they just fucking took and started walking out. And I said the person's name. I said from the bottom of my heart, I fucking hate you. And then I quickly shut up because I knew everybody in the crowd was going to film it. And what's funny is, is I don't really

hate this person in real life. I just fucking avoid him. You know, that's what a great thing about getting older is you stop hating people, you just sort of like you avoid them, even if you're sitting next to him, you just mentally avoid them, you just like, Okay, I know who you are, I know how you act. And this is what I expect. So I'm not going to get upset. I'm just fucking not going to engage in it, you know, and, and then somewhere along the line, they turned the lights on and I realized that I wasn't sick stories in the air. That the stage was still the same height it usually was. And then all of a sudden, the microphone worked and I could start you know, doing my job and I started killing again. So maybe the dream was built. You have an irrational fear about

taking four or five days off from stand up. I will tell you last night, I fucking I went on stage and I got this new Michelle Obama bit that was bombing, you know, because she's so fucking precious, you know, I mean, I don't I don't know why out of all the first ladies, every first lady has always been made fun of her for some fucking reason is like off limits. So, you know, as a comedian, something is off limits. I mean, you know, you kind of have to steer the ship towards it at one point just just for the fun of it, right? So last night was the first night. I started to get it, I started to get it to work. And I tried another bit, you know, about this, this gay kid, you know, parents didn't know she was gay and the parents

like those fucking people that think he can pray away being gay. What can you pray away? Oh, I went to church, by the way, I got there late, you know, I felt bad, I got there, right as the fucking guy was starting his homily. And I was like, ah, fuck, and then part of me was psyched because I didn't have to sit through the first two readings. And they really switched up the words a lot. The shit that you say they switched it up a lot. I was like, is this like some West Coast thing? My mother-in-law was like, nah, they kind of changed it up. You know, it used to be peace be with you and also with you. They like added a bunch of words like peace be with you and I concur that also and would wish that upon you to sir slash ma'am.

You got to say all that before you fucking shake hands with somebody. I don't know. I hadn't been in church in a while. I literally thought my suit was going to catch on fire when I walked in there. So when you know you're a piece of shit, you know, you haven't been there in a while, you just walk in and you're just thinking of all the shit God would be saying to you if he really exists and you're just walking and going, I know, I know, you know, and then after a while you get stubborn and be like, well, you know, dude, you know, technically you made me. So whatever my fucking flaws are, I know you have this convenient excuse of the devil. You know what I mean? I mean, what the fuck?

Hey, you know, I made you perfect, but you listened to the devil. Well, didn't you make the devil too? Isn't all of this your fucking grand scheme? Right? I actually, when I look at God that way, right, if he existed, you know, and it is a he, okay, because at the end of the day, you know, when you really look at the world, most of the great things that were created were done by men. And I don't know why I have to shy away from that and this progressive, you know, ladies, why don't you put your fucking brains where your mouth and fucking start inventing some shit. And I know you're going to come at me with this fucking list that that is impressive to you. But what I also want you to Google my feminist little friends is what have men invented and you watch

that fucking that's fucking Dan Marino 1984, 48 touchdowns, 5800 fucking yards when you could still beat the shit out of a wide receiver and a quarterback. Having said that, I, I respect women and I feel you're very brave anytime you put on your lab coat and sit down to make a new widget. And it's so much harder for a woman to put on a lab coat. I'm just trying to make sure I have it all down. Because someday I would like to host an award show and I have to make sure that I'm the fucking zombie that they're looking for. I'll do I'll come out and do a monologue just talking about how dumb men are and how we can't even figure out how to dress ourselves without women, you know,

all of that shit, they'll just fucking eat it up. That's another thing I fucking hate. You know what I hate? I hate when a running back gets like fucking 40 carries and he has like 47 yards and then he finally breaks one for about 15. And then he gets up and he does that eating a Bola oatmeal thing. It's like, buddy, we've been feeding you the fucking ball all goddamn game. Once you go, look at your fucking yardage average, your 2.7 yards per carry cunt. Hey, Bill, how about something positive? All right, I got something positive for you. I watched this fucking Celtics versus the Philadelphia 76. You know, fucking blew me away in that game is that Joel Joel and Bebe. So you say his name, I'm not looking it up because I can't spell it.

Evidently, that guy played soccer or football as they call it over the over the fucking seas there. Until late in his life, I got to tell you something that guy is like a ridiculous factor when he's on the court. And I know he's one of the guys in the league, but I don't think I don't think he's getting the respect he deserves. That fucking guy is a problem on both ends of the court, blocking shots, getting rebounds, scoring points, fucking assists, moves great for a big man. I am praying to the basketball gods. Look at me. I'm going to church. I'm fucking all about every God out there now. Can't you feel the joy that's coming back into my life? It's like the end of

the Grinch, isn't it? I am praying to the basketball gods that the Celtics and 76ers are going to fucking play again. I don't even care if we lose. That's how much I enjoy that playoff series from back in the day. When I used to watch Andrew Tony and Dr. J, Bobby Jones, Billy Cunningham, all those motherfuckers coming to town. Daryl Dawkins the first time through and then it was Moses. Anyways, the fuck was I just going to talk about? Oh, I remember. So I'm reading this book on Bob Cousy and Bill Russell called The Last Pass. Does that really count as reading, by the way, to read about sports? I don't think it does. It's like a long sports page as far as I'm concerned. I don't know if I brought this up or did I forget, but like for the longest time I thought

that the first NBA basketball player with the sneaker deal was Michael Jordan. Now he might have had his name on the sneaker, but then I found out that those red and white converse were called the Dr. J's, but I don't remember them having his name on it initially. So then I'm reading this book and I find out that Bob Cousy in like 1962 or 63 had his own sneaker. He signed a deal with P.F. Flyers and it looks like a bootleg Chuck Taylor and I found a pair on fucking eBay for 155 bucks. I didn't buy them, but because I'm not a sneak ahead, yo. Yo, you see the new Jordan 48s. What are they up to, by the way? What are they up to? It is amazing that 30 years has gone by. He must have a new sneaker every year.

I would say they're on the Jordan 32s. Let's look this, well, let's finish this story. So Bob Cousy, that's the one. I'm kind of fascinated by that whole sneaker culture as far as like all the different, like do you got the Sedale three fours or whatever? Jordan's 2019. Let's see what they got coming up. What do they got in the fucking sneaker barrel? Air Jordan one retro sample. Oh, it was a sample. So that's not exactly what they came out with and they want $4,000 for those. Are you fucking kidding me? What do you do? What do you sneak ahead so you put them on the wall so you feel like you're always in a foot locker? Air Jordan released 2018.

All right, let's see. What are they up to here? Air Jordan 12. How the fuck are they only on the 12th? All right, Air Jordan nine. Dude, Verzi sent me a text the other day was fucking hilarious. He's like, dude, Jordan three mocha fucking over. And it was the Jordan threes with this mocha color cement thing. And I fucking died laughing. I mean, he's he's like, he's like that fucking chick there with the thin head, Sarah Jessica Parker on Sex in the City. Except rather than talking about fucking high heels, he's talking about sneakers. Anyway, so Bob Coosie had a pair of PF flyers. And you know, with this with a little circle is on

the Chuck Taylor was his face. And it said Bob Coosie on it. And they were black. And they had a little green trim on them. So that's his far back for all you fucking sneaker heads there. I know Kareem Abdul Jabbar, he had his own. Did he have his own sneaker UCLA? The low top Adida? I don't know. But who was like the first guy actually had like his name on it though? Because I think maybe the technically the Dr. Jay Converse just said were just nicknamed the Dr. Jay's. But they said Converse. Let me let me look that up Dr. Jay Converse. See, this is why I like talking shit about things because then I end up getting into it. Like fucking the print the premier league. All right, let's see here. Yeah, those are the classic

classic Converse All Stars. I don't see his name on it. Oh, and then eventually they did. But the original one, one of the cleanest fucking shoes ever that for some reason, I think the newer ones said when I was a kid, they didn't say Dr. Jay on them. And now I'm looking at a really old pair and those ones say Dr. Jay. So I think after a while they said Dr. Jay and those things look like they came out before the year Jordan. But as far as I can tell the Bob fucking Coozie. The Coozie Ones dude. That was somebody fucking way back. Coozie Ones with a pork pie hat. Fucking over, see? All right, let me look at some stuff here. I missed the last two Liverpool games. I got all wrapped up in the holidays and I cannot fucking believe this. I don't

know anything about the Wolverhampton Wanderers, but somehow we lost to them. We beat Newcastle United, four to nothing. But the fucking wolves. These guys don't even look like they're there. There's nothing premier about their uniform, their fucking name or anything. What happened? Mohammed Salah and Virgil van Dutch struck the claim. Oh no, they won. Wait a minute. That doesn't make any fucking sense. That doesn't make any fucking sense because we beat Manchester United three to one and it says three to one and then it says fucking zero two. So I guess they do that all because that was an away game. Ah, you cheeky cunts. All right, I learned something else. That's how they do it. Okay.

So they got Arsenal, one nil Arsenal coming up. The only one only Premier League game I've ever been to. I told you they played Everton. It's fucking hilarious. They went up one to nothing. They started singing one nil Arsenal and halfway through the fucking song Everton scored and this little blue puff of smoke came up. The 40 Everton fans were going fucking nuts and all the Arsenal people had to shut the fuck up. I love when that happens. I was watching a ranger game earlier this year and fucking as always, Henrik Lundquist was playing unbelievable and the whole garden is going Henrik Lundquist, Henrik Lundquist or whatever and as they're chanting at the other team fucking scored. That's what you get. All right, let's look at some Google news here. We'll start with the greatest

country in America, the United States of America. All right, after Trump visits Iraq lawmakers demand U.S. withdrawal. Finally, let's get the fuck out of there where we're going bankrupt. Iraqi lawmakers demand U.S. withdrawal, Baghdad, Iraqi lawmakers. This is the greatest thing that could fucking happen to us if we combine it with solar power in electric cars. All right, you got to hit him where it hurts, just like the feminists do. The feminists go after the money. They go after the advertisers. This is what the fuck you got to do in the Middle East. All right, truly the great thing though, as if we pull out, I believe they'll just go back, unfortunately, because I don't have a problem with Middle Eastern people. I just have a problem

with cunts. And cunts, they're everywhere. As long as you're not a cunt, I don't have a problem with you. So I think that they'll go back to trying to fucking deal with each other, hopefully not in a violent way, but you know what's going to be. But I always looked at it like the way when Russia withdrew from fucking Europe, everybody was like, okay, where were we? And they just picked up with their fights again. For the life of me, I'll never understand how war is legal. You know, we're sitting here like working on gender neutral bathrooms while war is still legal. I mean, it's just fucking nuts. You know what it is? I think it's because they keep updating the war, the weapons. So it seems modern. But if you still went out there,

like the Braveheart days, and there was two people standing on opposing hills, and then they just ran down the hill yelling, they just fucking met in the valley. And they had those sticks with the fucking, the fucking cannonball with the spikes coming out of it, you know, basically you dress like a Raider fan, except you can actually hurt somebody. You don't have the rubber points. You wouldn't want to put somebody's eye out when you're intimidating somebody, Raider fans. All right, so politicians from both blocks of Iraq's divided parliament called for a vote to expel US troops and promised to schedule an extraordinary session to debate the matter. Parliament, I like that they're taking control of their country again. Parliament must clearly

and urgently express its view about the ongoing American violations of Iraq sovereignty. Said Salam al-Shamiri, a lawmaker loyal to the populist cleric, Maktadah al-Sadr. Dude, the fucking balls you have over there to be any sort of a leader, man. I mean, you're really, I mean, I hope what they're doing over there works, because what we're doing is not stopping terrorism. Maybe it's stopping it from coming over here. I don't fucking know. But all I know is when I look at the ledger, you know, we're fucking bankrupt. We just keep raising our amount of debt. Why don't we fucking get back here, get back here, bring the fucking kids home. All right, fucking get on, get into this electrical shit. I don't

give a shit if it hurts the environment more, just so we can pay this shit off. All right, with the money we make from exporting all the weed that we're growing. Now, god damn it, if I can figure out how to solve the world's problems, can't somebody in a suit and tie to it? All right, let's see what's going on in Germany. That's my first stop. Germany, army could recruit EU citizens. Ah, fuck sakes. Germany, are they really doing this again? All right, slowly loading, slowly, slowly loading. It is really bizarre how Europe, if they're not unified, they just fucking they will start a

world war. You know, and then what do we get? We get shit for, what's the worst thing we do, we get fat? Is that all we're doing? No, Bill, I think you're doing a little more than that in the world. Ah, right. All right, German army could recruit EU citizens. Seven years after Germany scrapped conscription, whatever the fuck that it, its defense chief has said, employing EU citizens is an option to fill expert posts. Army General Inspector Eberhard Zorn said the forces had to lock, sorry, lock, look in all direction in times of lack of qualified personnel, such as doctors and IT specialists. Oh, wow, have they outsourced all this shit in their country too? The armed forces have been beset by years of underinvestment. Germany aims

to increase its military by 21,000 personnel by 2025. Well, what the fuck are they getting ready for? Ah, Jesus Christ. Ah, man, you know, this is why you don't read world news. This is why you just sit around and you try and find a new sport that you can get involved in. All right, let me, let me do the one read here for this week. All right. And by the way, my little thing for my headphones came. I just have to go pick it up. All right, let's get over here. By the way, made it through Christmas, without boozing. 33 fucking days in, 33 days in. I'm going to go to the Rose Bowl soba. And then I'm going to go on my tour and I am going to be fucking ready, baby.

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How we take each other's love without thinking anymore. We're getting to give this something to me if you beauty that surrounds you

is Community hey what's going on it's bill burr and it is the monday morning podcast for monday december 27th 2010 the final monday of 2010 huh what are you gonna do with it huh are you gonna make this the greatest monday of your life don't you hate when those fucking motivational speakers you're sitting there you're trying to get motivated to not be a negative cunt like myself right and then this guy comes out you're getting you're getting all excited to fucking have something positive be said to you and what does the guy do he keeps makes he gets you all nervous with this fucking ridiculous heightened sense of urgency for just a regular fucking day

this is monday think about that everybody this is monday december 27th 2010 does anybody know what that means well i mean there's no history i don't you hate that's the worst part too when they start acting like somebody else talk to them well john there's no historical uh uh uh thing i'm a jig for december 27th this is just a regular day think about that everybody it's just a regular day is this just a regular shirt am i just a regular person is that how i'm gonna live my life right there fucking bam blow his fucking brains out right there see it wasn't a regular monday you fucking douche it was a monday you died because no one wants to hear your cunt speech all right

i think i've said cunt 58 times already um anyways it's december 27th two days after christmas 72 motherfucking days into me not drinking i can eat five more days no four more days and i break my record for uh you know being sober i'm going for 100 days and it's good it's going good oh yeah i'm having a great fucking time oh Jesus um anyways did you guys have yourself hey merry little christmas you have a good christmas did you get the things that you wanted um i had a fucking awesome christmas once i was able to finally relax because uh people out there who do the road truckers other comedians lounge singers actually lounge singers don't travel they just stuck at that same fucking place you know like jack

nickelson in the movie the shining just slowly going fucking crazy playing handball off the wall of their red roof in fucking sweet um yeah when you travel as much as i do your brain i don't know it can't slow down it needs like four or five days to slow down and uh you can't sit down on a couch you know lay down on a bed for like at least i can't for like more than 10 minutes your brain is just fucking going going going going going going and uh took me like four or five days and then i was finally able to relax and then uh and enjoy the holiday i actually uh i was so wound up from doing the road i actually wanted to be uh wanted to be alone i even though i didn't want to be alone it's christmas i don't want to be alone

but i did i just didn't want to deal with any sort of uh people and i've discovered when you become an adult truly become an adult is uh christmas is not about you anymore it's about making sure everyone around you had a great christmas and then after all the frenzy is sitting back and your enjoyment is that everyone around you had a great christmas and i finally figured that out this year and uh i became a jolly son of a bitch i really enjoyed my christmas you know and i gotta admit on december 26 yesterday i went out and bought something that i wanted um i'm gradually putting together a john bonham fucking uh i don't know if i'm going to that out as as him on halloween or if i'm fucking uh gonna make a stupid youtube video i don't

know what but i'm gradually putting together shit that looks like stuff that he wore and uh i can grow a beard i'll dye it brown we'll see what happens you know what i bought i bought his adidas sneakers that he wore at the uh the seattle concert and you know you're a fucking john bonham freak for those of you who aren't into music john bonham is the uh greatest fucking drummer i ever heard you know um just as far as the shit that i like i know you can say out max roger and all those fucking guys buddy rich i'm not trying to be a dick here all right but except for the cunts who think neil pert is better than john bonham all right and and if you think that you are a monotone jackass um all right but anyways yeah if you go on youtube and you look up uh it's actually

moby dick rare clip and it's him in seattle and at that point they weren't calling it moby dick anymore they were calling it uh i something i guess over the top because robert plant goes john henry bonham over the top and then they got like this just just 1970s uh what is it fucking technology where it goes over the top top wait you know it's supposed to be like blowing people's minds and if you look at the arrogant way robert plant walks away from the mic you really want to throw something at the back of his bushy head but uh if you watch john bonham play he's got a pair of i believe uh the adidas dragons uh anybody old out there remember that did his dragons adidas country uh the adidas dragon so i have those and all i

need is a pair of white fucking pants and they sell a replica of that t-shirt that he wore and the song remains the same so right there i got the fucking outfit then all i gotta do is just get a wig and i'm good to go uh maybe i'll do that for you guys next year i'll make a fucking off you know there'll be a riot i should do that and not say it's me and i'll i'll just put a youtube video up and it'll be john bonham cover and i'll butcher one of his songs and you guys can all laugh at how bad people trash me for actually buying the entire outfit i'm not above it dude i am a total fucking music geek like that i will actually buy some speaking of that i want to recommend a book here before i if i don't even if i've even said anything funny other than revealing how

fucking pathetic my personal life is um what do i got here um out of all the led zeppelin books out there and there's a zillion of them and they're all fucking ridiculous for the most part they always have them selling their soul to the devil and jimmy page muttering some sort of a cult bullshit walking away uh you know with them fucking sticking a flounder in some girl's twat which probably happened in seattle i have no fucking idea but uh the best book that i have found on it is uh it's called john bonham the powerhouse behind led zeppelin and it's written by his brother mick bonham and it says right on the back or isn't on the inside cover why he wrote the book he basically says if i can just paraphrase here why don't i just i'll read you a little excerpt uh

about 10 years ago this is from his brother um after oh actually linda bonham wrote this about 10 years ago after reading yet another load of rubbish about his brother john my husband mick turned to me and said i should write a book about our kid if only to tell zoe john's daughter what a great bloke her dad was and with that the seeds of this book began to grow and it's it's fucking it's just a killer book it's very very little of it is actually about you know all the bullshit that those other books are about which is you know then they went to this town and they drank this much and they did this and they did that it's it's really uh him growing up with john and john being home in between the tours and uh it's fucking awesome i i read it in like a day and

a half two days but wouldn't you expect that considering i basically exposed myself to be like that chick who waxed salina you know you know that fucking psycho uh Jesus Christ if john bonham was alive would i be stalking him this is really getting creepy all right let's let's fucking plow ahead here but i want to recommend that book all right and there's big words and lots of pages by big words i mean big font lots of pictures and um yeah definitely check it out definitely check it out and uh classic englishman i could tell you that about john bonham in that like most englishman he looks like he never lifted a weight in his life got that awful fish and chip torso yet continued to wear tight shirts right through this career never understand

that you only see that you don't you do not see that here in america except with gay guys gay guys will wear tight shirts no matter what shape they're in that's not true they will actually if long as they got a little peck action going on they don't give a fuck about their stomach you know that as long as that chest is out a little bit further than the stomach they wear tight shirts too but i've been over to europe and i'm telling you i've never seen it like you could never did a push-up in their fucking lives those types of bodies you got that seventh grade chest and arms and then this fucking i just drank a keg of beer stomach and uh this you know this is like you know what it is this is like they made it big before elvis fucking died and elvis is the

first behind the music as far as the rock star and all that time i know every guy stole all the music from the blues and gospel black dudes you know what go fuck yourself i'm so sick of that stupid ass fucking argument he didn't he was influenced by him but because he's a different race they said he stole it it's such bullshit you know if you're black and you listen to a blues guy and you play blues you're carrying on a tradition but if you white you do it you're stealing all right and the black dudes fucking steal white music they're sampling it's bullshit it's all bullshit nobody stealing from anybody you're you're being influenced so enough already with the fucking whining i'm so sick of fucking people bitching that this unfair business is unfair yes show business is unfair

life is unfair oh really did you write it and then you didn't get credit well fucking welcome to the club i never wrote anything that i didn't get credit for but i can tell you right now i have been a victim of some very creative math yeah you know what bill here's your royalty checks uh that's four dollars and 98 cents yeah we had a hundred grand worth of white out that we and we had to buy a new typewriter that cost us 30 grand you know and all that comes out of your fucking pocket yeah it's been going on forever but the reason why i say uh elvis is the original behind the music is because he's the first guy who got as far as i can tell got lofted all the way up into the stratosphere and uh like everything he did now is just so fucking cliche but he was the first guy doing it so

nobody could really see it you know and by the time he died as a drug-addicted fat fuck on a toilet that was 77 you know at which point you know zeppelin was approaching 30 years of it they were it was already too late right does that make any fucking sense i'm trying to i'm trying to justify and this is also before like john bonham never would have got that if he was living today i i can i can't guarantee they wouldn't be dead but he definitely would have like a 95 chance of not being dead because someone would be like you know say you had a problem there'd be an intervention and then also when he got out of shape and he started getting the mantits there they they they fucking he would have got the shit teased out of him on youtube and just got a sheer fucking

humiliation uh i think he would have done some sit-ups but you never know he is european and they just really don't seem to be into physical fitness over there this is coming from an american they're not obese but they are just some fleshy mushy sons of bitches over there not all of them not all of them you get your occasional one but the occasional one seems like the ones that are born that way you know like their dad was like a fucking shipbuilder and his dad was they know fucking worked with thor or some shit you know what i mean i don't fucking know what am i talking about here really people huh 13 minutes of absolute shit all right let's what are we gonna talk about this week here um oh you guys want to hear a story

you guys want to hear a story here do you got you have to do you actually have to work right now does anybody know is anybody working right now does anybody have such a fucking dick for a boss that he basically gave you new year's eve off and then christmas day off and now it's monday now you're back to work you know this is a really i don't know about you guys this is one of the most depressing weeks of the year you know is the week between christmas and new years once christmas is over you know it's like you see the buildup of the tree first of all you get your christmas tree and if you're like me everybody trashes the tree except for this guy here who writes me this letter hey bill fuck the haters fuck the haters your tree is awesome your tree is a noble fur which is a far

superior tree compared to those faggoty douglas furs i love how this guy immediately just those trees are gay um anyways where the hell am i yes they look a little sparse but there is actually room to hang the ornaments i like to joke that most people decorate their christmas bushes by just throwing shit at them and hoping for the best ever notice all the ends of the branches of douglas furs are freshly cut uh douglas furs do not grow in a conical shape that means christmas tree shape i guess they have to be trimmed in order to look like a tree because they normally look like a bush exactly that's why i never liked those fucking trees it looks like a shrub i've never seen a fucking tree look like a christmas tree that's why and that's why i like the tree

that i bought because it looked like a fucking tree thank you sir um he said have you ever seen how they prune these trees on the farm before they're shipped to your local grocery store parking lot a dude with dude with a hedge clipper tied to his back and an angle goes up and down the rows of bushes and walks around each one cutting it into a christmas tree shape nobles aren't artificially shaped at all and grow to be symmetrical and perfectly proportioned there you go so go fuck yourselves i also had somebody else write me a letter saying uh fuck all those people my uh my sister or somebody is uh uh fuck i wish i saved it is in in are some sort of artistic design or something like my tree so you know what i'm a little ahead of the curve people you wait you

know what's gonna happen one of these fucking emaciated celebrities is gonna get one and it's gonna become all the rage they'll be wearing uggs with the fucking Santa Claus thong right with the midriff showing be like oh my god like oh my god this tree is like oh my god and they're gonna be in us magazine and that's gonna be it Matthew McConaughey will be naked playing bongos um and it'll all work out but you will remember that you heard it here first you heard it here first i actually bought a fucking tree you guys bought shrubs all right so fuck you and your holiday but anyways yeah it's a really depressing week so anyways you go out and you buy the goddamn tree so then you have the tree and there's the excitement of the smell of the tree it smells

like christmas oh my god it's gonna happen right it's that time of year we're gonna actually get off the wheel for a second enjoy the people around us hopefully you know and then what happened you decorate the tree you put a little skirt around it you dress up that little whore right you're getting even more excited that would happen you come home for work and one of your family members or the person you live with has wrapped a couple of gifts putting in underneath this is the buildup right this is Elvis 1954 right before he fucking hit you know and then what happens a couple more gifts somebody puts on a fucking christmas record your balls are filled up just waiting for fucking for christmas day and then christmas comes

all right Elvis on the fucking Ed Sullivan show everybody's going fucking crazy people are opening gifts there's fucking bitches screaming outside your window you throw down a scarf at him everything is fucking great and then just like that it's over it's fucking over you know you get drafted send you over to germany i can't do this Elvis thing i don't fucking know what i'm saying here you know what i mean then it's fucking over then you're looking at your tree you know it's still got the lights it still has the skirt but what happened all the gifts they're all gone you know a couple of pieces of paper it's like they peaked it's like your favorite band they had those three awesome albums in a row and now they're about ready to fucking spend their rest of their career

trying to recapture those the the whatever the fuck they did in those three albums right you know that's it it's over you say goodbye to everybody start looking at your family members you see them they're a year older which makes you feel older yeah nothing's on tv all the tv people are on vacation they're showing something on a loop mtv's finally showing fucking videos it gets quiet you sit back you reflect on what a nice christmas it is but you just can't get over this feeling of this wave of depression that's coming because you know it's about ready to start all over again another fucking year with this fucking job with that fucking douche telling me what to do my fucking boyfriend your fucking girlfriend or your wife or your husband it's

going to be another fucking year you know there's your fucking tree just reminding you of your goddamn mortality because you're not you're not you're not fucking watering it the way you watered it before christmas you skip a few days branches start to droop couple start to turn brown like the gray in your hair look at this artistic little jaunt them on here you know and by the time and then what's the worst is then you start walking down the street going out to your car and what happens the body start piling up out there you see your first fucking christmas tree that bah humbug douchebag across the street who throws the fucking thing out at like one o'clock in the morning december 26th it's sitting out there right laying on its side

like a fucking victim at the beginning of the first 48 you know it's got one little piece of tinsel blowing in the wind because the rest of its shit got snatched off from around its fucking neck just laying there dead is a fucking doornail next day you come out there's two more start driving down the work and you just see them all over the place just being deposited you know like fucking former stars and boy bands just littering the fucking highway and it's fucking over it's fucking over so what do you do then you got what you got new year's eve coming up the worst fucking holiday of the year you know new year's eve is for young people it's not for old people you know that's

when you know you've hit a level of maturity is when you can go to bed at like 10 o'clock 10 p.m on new year's eve and you didn't go out you didn't get drunk you stayed away from those fucking morons you know i'd say what's a great weekend to go out is the weekend after new year's eve and all those guys are people are still fucking hung over and they're still fucking sick you know from they're overindulging because they don't know how to drink then you then you head out like i'll tell you what's it you know it's gonna be a great night uh what's what's new is the friday night you know it's gonna be a great night to go out drinking monday night that my friends will be a great goddamn night if you're an antisocial

fucking prick like i am that's that's where you want to go um um oh hey speaking of which listen to this shit me and paul versey we're coming down to the wire here we're actually tied all right as of right before this weekend we are tied all right and i gotta tell you something this week i had a breakthrough in my gambling we picked four games a week whoever wins it in the end it's only a hundred bucks but it's more just about the shit talking during the year um so this year nobody has gone undefeated yet all right so you're talking 16 weeks of gambling 32 weeks between the two of us nobody has gone four and oh we've had uh you know a number of three

in ones but nobody has gone four and oh and uh paul versey actually did the impossible what are we called the unthinkable and the unimaginable the unimaginable is going four and oh he did the unthinkable he went oh and four so this week i don't know what i was talking to one of neah's uncles and uh he was talking about going against public opinion and there was this whole new website and shit about going against public opinion with your gambling and i decided to take a little bit of that all right because this is this is what i realized the reason why i could never break through three and one and get to four and oh is because i kept picking people that i thought we're gonna win every fucking game and i know that sounds crazy but to gamblers it makes sense

you know when you don't have money on the game you can actually sit there and fucking you know just say you know what not only do i think this team is going to cover the spread i think they're going to win the fucking game but all of a sudden when you put money on it you alligator arm it and you you just start you know you get too scared to take a fucking chance at least i did so this week i was like fuck it i'm taking a couple of chances here all right i went safe at first i picked tampa over seattle and their docker's wearing fucking coaching staff with pete carrell i said fucking i'm going with tampa now that was one that i was that was my playing at safe bet and i don't know i was looking at washington and jacksonville and i was like you know

it's in jacksonville jacksonville is going to win you know they're going to win this game they're going to get the running game going they're going to fucking run over they got fucking rex grossman playing quarterback for washington it's fucking over but i don't know why i got a feeling i got a feeling fucking washington is going to win this game just because nobody thinks they're going to so i said fuck it i bet on washington you know and then continuing that line of thought san diego was going into cincinati cincinati has shit the bed the entire fucking year san diego always plays well in december they're a heckle a heckle and jekyll a fucking uh what do you call it jekyll and hide fucking uh team and i said to hell with that i don't give a shit

i'm going with cincinati and lo and behold yours truly went three and oh yesterday three and oh paul versey went one and two he had the sunday night game but it got fucking snowed out i am one game up on him i'm sorry we're not tied i am one game up on him all right so i went three and oh yesterday he went one and two so no matter what happens tonight you know if i lose my game he he wins this game i'm going to be up by two games with one week to go all right but if i win tonight and go four and over four and oh i will have done the unimaginable i'll i'll done it and who do you think i took tonight who would you take the spread is two and a half falcons at home playing the saints who do you like who do you like 12 and two is that what uh is that what the

falcons are maddy ice at home just given two and a half it's their fucking year i said fuck it i'm i'm taking the saints i took the saints and the points with drew breeze sticking with that line of thought of going against the playing it safe i think i don't think the falcons have been tested yet this year and i just think that you know this is just going to be one of those things that happens to a team like this i still think they might be a year away from doing something huge and this is one of these games where i just think they're going to get a wake-up call like okay we're good but we we but like we're not like the saints that actually have gone through the whole thing on one of the super bowl that's why i took the saints i'm looking to

go four and oh paul versey has got the now tuesday night game he took the minnesota vikings getting 14 points and uh i'm telling you if i go four and oh and he goes one and three i'll pick up three games i'll be up four games with one week to go and we pick four games all i have to do is fucking win one game it's a goddamn extra point it's a chip shot and i will get bragging rights for the entire fucking year and i will really be excited about that and with that see there you go for all of you though all of you who are into the gambling aspects of my life and with that somebody actually came up with this awesome theory um about sports uh this guy says bill i have i have a theory about sports that tends to piss people off especially women which makes me think i'm on to something

and it's got nothing to do with the unpredictability of sports i think he's this this this theory is basically why people like sports he said it mainly applies um to team sports some individual sports to okay so here it is it begins back in the day when armies were in the field waiting to go into battle an army's objective was essentially to conquer foreign lands and rape women in order to celebrate the glory of their race slash culture and they were trained for battles by making up games these games were based around themes of land grabbing and raping in this theory the ball football basketball whatever represents the seed the goals either posts or a hoop or a net represents the opposing teams women symbolizing either their legs up in the air or their vag or their womb whatever the opposing

team represents the enemy army and the objective of the game is to get your seed past the opposition and impregnate their women that's essentially the theory and it's a bridged version and it's why some sports are like cracked and some are just who gives a shit when a sport is put together right it's a primal source of highly addictive goodness did you ever think somebody who would like basically compare sports to rape would then you know if you were going to do that you wouldn't think that they would basically then just say yeah and it's you think that they would be trashing it not saying that it's a that it's a form of highly addictive goodness so there you go i actually like that theory i believe in that all that subliminal shit you know and uh yeah

i'll go with that what do you guys think about that theory am i the worst mirv griffin ever i have no studio audience what do you guys think into the abyss um am i really gonna do another fuck i got i got to be uh i got to be balanced here fair and balanced when it comes to this sport because it's becoming too much sports i gotta oh here's one for you how about i tell you i said i forgot i was going to tell you a story here uh i took cleo out i went outside for a walk so she could do her business and i'm walking up the street and i went around the corner and cleo is uh you know she's going number one she's taking a piss so i'm standing there right and i i look then i see this guy as cleo's beginning to do her thing

is walking to his suv like one of those little mini ones like the lexus sort of one and i see him looking at me i just sort of look back i didn't think anything of it and cleo's going the bathroom and i'm going that's a good girl who's a good girl who's a good girl you go to bad boys good girl i'm doing that shit right slapping her on her fucking muscular thighs and you know she finishes does a little Harlem shake you know and then she we start fucking uh walking up the street and then i just hit the guy down at the suv he just all of a sudden i just hear this pick it up dude i'm like what because dude pick it up i go and i realized he thought she took a shit which she didn't i go she went number one i can't believe i said that but i wanted to win the argument

i would be like she took a piss and when she went number one and then the guy just gets in his fucking car starts to get this in his little suv thing i go what no sorry he goes i said sorry yeah not as loud as you said that other shit then he got in his car and he fucking drove away it's one thing i fucking hate about the west coast is the way they they they confront you the confrontation out here i don't know why they do it like back east they would have been like hey dude fucking you know pick up your shit you know out here it's always like i don't know what it is they was calling you bro hey bro what's up dude pick it up dude just fucking annoys the shit out of me it just fucking annoyed i don't know that's the only time it really bugs me being out here is that that that surfer fucking way that

they talk when they they they confront you bro what a douche and you know what kills me is that that affected that affected me the way i interacted with people you know for like the next four hours i just had that playing in a loop in my head pick it up dude was in my fucking head everywhere i went you went paper or plastic you know just it's you know all i'm here pick it up dude i'm just fucking hearing that in my head and uh what did you know what i mean the proper way to do that is just to be like excuse me did your dog just uh go number two and like no no she went number one okay i'm sorry it's just lately people leaving okay that's the way you do it you know let's go pick it up dude fucking ah

i wish i could train cleo you know for those of you new to my podcast she is a pitbull to just do a mock charge you know they do that in the wild i just wish that just teeth just fucking run just have that guy pee his slacks a little bit and then right to the point where he thought he was going to get his fucking balls ripped off she just stops on a dime it turns around and this fucking runs up the beautiful way that she runs i should take a video of my dog running full speed it's one of the most beautiful things you're ever going to see it's literally you could make like one of those secretariat movies this fucking dog she is shredded i like she's she's awesome in the way she runs the level of power first of all when she runs she gets like excited right

before she does and she does this move where she sort of throws her head back a little bit and just throws herself it's like it's like a fucking muscle car it's unbelievable absolutely love watching her run and if i could just somehow train her to run and scare the shit out of people who say pick it up dude that would really make me happy so uh that's what happened this week and then i went inside and then i ended up getting into an argument with neah because i was just in a bad fucking mood uh no did i no she got mad at me about something else she was really pissed at me this week i don't want to fuck you know one of those deal i think it was because i was coming down off being off on the road and she thought that i was going to be

a dick and uh no matter how many times i tell her that i have to you know i need a few days to unwind like i literally have the urge when i'm in the house to get up and just get in the car and just start driving around because i'm so in travel mode and going going going going going going that it uh it takes a fucking minute so uh you know i don't know i don't think i do yoga or whatever the fucking idea this definitely seems to be causing a rift um but anyways i just remembered i was going to tell you oh i know last night i went and i saw the fighter starring mark wallberg and uh christian bail and i can't recommend that movie highly enough that movie was fucking awesome it was a movie i wasn't going to see i'm like oh god here we go

rocky all over again but what saved it was it was mickey ward and uh i remember his fights and um i'm embarrassed to say i didn't see that arturo godi fight until years afterwards i actually watched it on youtube and i remember collin quinn coming into the cellar raving about that fight in fact there's two fights that i remember that i was just like i have to see this fight it was the mickey ward arturo godi fight after hearing collin quinn rave about it down at the comedy cellar and uh the diego chorale uh chorales fight was it chorales castillo fight is that who was yes diego i can't fucking remember as you can tell i i dip in and out of boxing but uh that's a chorale chorales castillo their first

fucking fight is unbelievable and charlie murphy flipped out about that when he told me he almost broke his foot at the end of that fight well one of them's just you know knocked out gets up and this training goes you better fucking get inside now because everything i think i told this story before because you better fucking get inside now and he put his mouthpiece in him and uh he turned around they continued around he fucking knocks the other guy technically knocks out the other fucking guy and i guess that got charlie so fucking amped up he he stomped his foot down on the floor and woke up his whole family so those are the two fights but anyways so this fight uh this this movie is about uh mickey wards uh you know ascension up to trying to win a championship

and uh i have to tell you man it is absolutely phenomenal i was rooting for like the mark walberg character while he was fighting it was fucking awesome made me want to get in great shape and i gotta tell you i don't think i've ever seen a movie where they did the boston accent better you even just for that reason even if you're not a sports fan you gotta go see there and see the five women that play his sisters they're they're fucking unbelievable and it reminded me of this period in my life when i was underage and i used to go out to these dive bars in like chelsea and all those awful m towns north of boston malden medford revere i used to go out to all of those places because they didn't give a fuck because most of them were actually you know you know people

were doing coke it was the 80s now some people were selling coke so like alcohol just seemed like it was a joke it's like somebody went up there and asked for some juice so i could actually get served with my fucking 12 year old boyish face and those five women that you see in in in that movie those are the kind of girls that you ran into they were like 21 years old and they looked like they were 40 they already had a kid and they were jaded i can't explain it and so fucked up was it was it was like a 20 25 minute ride from where i lived which was a world away with no traffic of course with traffic it took like a fucking hour to get there but uh yeah i just remember shooting the shit with them maybe oh you're like smart

but anyways those are my two recommendations for this week get uh get the book john bonham the powerhouse behind led zeppelin by mick bonham and uh go see the fighter i'm going to see true grit this week and someone's trying to talk me into going to see tron but i i just i could give a shit about science fiction i've never been into it i never liked star trek i i like star wars for maybe six months in my youth just because everybody else liked it and i wanted to fit in so i kind of got into but i just i don't give a shit i think those movies are gay they're gay all right there i said it all right you know you've put on the afterburners i'm doing the best i can hit warp speed and there's stupid fucking handshakes and and the the aliens that they're friends with

and the gay names of the fucking spaceships that they ride around in and it's just it's it's it's for nerds it's for people who don't know how to get laid i i don't know that's not true but it just the stereotype is true and speaking of which i wanted to read this this overrated for this week when um it's just reminding me of this somebody wrote overrated las vegas somebody wrote i'm tired of everybody going to las vegas all the time they throw that shit around like they're going like they're getting a free trip to a space station like yo anybody want to go to vegas this weekend like it's just the wildest craziest place it's not vegas fucking stinks it's really not that big a deal there it's too hot the drive sucks how do they not widen out that 14 it's actually the

15 or whatever to be more than two lanes yeah that's the highway and when you come back on sunday it's it's a fucking nightmare always flying to vegas never drive unless you plan on leaving it to in the fucking morning he said uh the other big thing i'm tired of with vegas is the media perception that it's the craziest place on earth that you never know what kind of nutty shit is going on and it's like that every day of the year you should just go wild there go home with three strippers party like crazy with your boys and wake up with the most insane story ever it's like that movie the hangover it's like that song waking up in vegas from katie perry woohoo yay let's go crazy uh well i'm sorry to burst your bubble that doesn't really happen there folks the

fifties and sixties are over not much that that's hip and happening goes on there uh you don't see sinatra and dean coming out to deal blackjack and drink with the common folk unless you're bringing in sick a six figure salary it's actually pretty mundane it's mostly full of sad old people blowing the social security checks on slot machines and shit and lousy food and ugly tourists with their stupid kids place the place is like disney land with gambling and god help you if you wake up with the hangover it's generally 117 fucking degrees out you walk out of your hotel and go ah vegas is not supposed to be it's supposed to be this out of control party place it's not you want a story give charles manson a tab of acid

and a meat cleaver and let him loose on the strip on a friday night you'll have a crazy vegas story fuck that place all right well sir i 100 percent agree and disagree all at the same time see what you did is you went there and you just looked at what you saw like i did the first time i went there i walked there and i was all dressed up to do my shows like i was going to be in the fucking rat pack and i saw all these fucking fat tourists with their flip flops and going wow vegas is dead it isn't you just don't know where to look first of all you ever see those pretty girls playing slots you know and you're like why is that pretty girl all by herself playing slots how come she doesn't have a boyfriend that's because she's a hooker sir you want to have

your crazy fucking there you go right there do you like me first time went to vegas i thought a hooker was you know standing on a street corner snapping her gum hey like that was a hooker all right but no they they they're not supposed to be in the casino but they looked the other way all right and i was actually at a bar one time and jimmy door told and i'm sitting there hitting on this girl and bill jimmy finally came up goes bill what the fuck are you doing i was like what this girl's hot he goes dude you're hitting on a hooker and i was like she's a hooker and he goes yes and then all of a sudden it was like the matrix i could see it and then i went oh she's a hooker there's a hooker there's a regular girl regular girl hooker and all of a sudden you could

fucking see it your problem is you don't know how to see it yet put it this way i just did a road gig with somebody and he told me a story went to vegas he won nine grand walked up to one of those girls said hey come here and she stopped playing slots walked right over to him he goes i want another girl like you uh to suck my dick come up to room uh whatever 1052 and they did and they came up there and they were gorgeous and they sucked his dick and he came on their face and he won nine grand that night so there you go it is a crazy awesome fucking place where shit can happen if you indulge all right if you stand back like a fucking you know just shitting all over the place that yeah you're not going to have a good fucking time it is cheesy

it is awful um there are a bunch of you know they got malls there now they try to appeal to families all of that shit definitely goes on there but believe me all right i mean i don't think you can go to foxwoods and just go hey you and you i mean i you can probably do it but they're going to be old ladies um and even there i'm sure they have their hookers all right but of course they do but i'm telling you go there next time you go there all right just look for those pretty girls playing slots and you will have an all of a sudden vegas will become they just can't show they can't show that in the commercial you know what was that fox the fox was on bad at the bad at baby to suck my fucking dick remember that i forget how it goes

that whole thing about being at foxwoods like it's this crazy thing you can't show somebody win nine you can show that them winning nine grand but you can't show that other part where he goes hey you find another one just like you whose dad didn't stick around so now you suck dick for a living get another one of those come back to my room and then end the commercial bang booms out as he fucking comes on their faces okay you're supposed to read between the lines all right so what i would do is i would stop going to vegas with the fucking nerds that you're going to vegas with you know i mean you're going to vegas dude you're trying to solve the transportation problem you're talking about the highways you're not looking at the right shit you know

yes frank and dean are not going to be dealing poke yeah they're dead they're dead okay yes move on ashton kutcher is going to be that dress like james bond taking i fucking hate those commercials i envy that guy's career you know i really envy that guy's career he's smart son of a bitch most people do a hit fucking sitcom and then that's it he got into producing very smart guy but i hate those fucking commercials with him sitting there with the stupid cameras and everybody's just enamored with him look at the guy with the camera wait we all have cameras and one in our phone this really isn't that exciting um so there you go sir i know i trashed you but go to vegas again okay fucking pony up the fucking 70 bucks and fly out there on southwest go down to the strip

okay gamble hopefully you win if you don't you know even if you don't just save a little money and have a couple girls blow you come on their face and i'm guaranteeing you you're going to go home and smile even if you have to sit in that traffic on the 15 hey listen i know there's a lot of people listen to this podcast that went to vegas i want to hear some stories and don't make them up all right i want to hear some actual goddamn stories okay and i'll see through the bullshit ones unless you're a really good storyteller okay because the truth is in the details uh look at me talking shit like fucking rex ryan oh wait a minute did the jets lose again this week wasn't that funny why isn't that funny it's almost like exactly what i said was gonna happen

fucking happened you know i know a lot of you guys you probably can't remember because you know you know nobody can remember shit in this country like i used to do a bit about that geico lizard how you know everybody loves that fucking thing and i just look at that thing like that thing has no credibility whatsoever when those commercials started out he's like no i'm a gecko all right get away from me fuck you and your insurance company then all of a sudden he like fucking sold out now he sells the insurance and no one calls him on the bullshit well this is my fucking uh geico gecko lizard moment here's rex ryan i'll play two clips this is rex ryan on hard knocks back in august let's hear what he has to say about his football team which started my hatred of the

fucking jets here we go everybody let's turn up the volume here we go if we play at our best we will be every team in this fucking league playing at their best so who's it on whose shoulders does it follow there you go could you hear that sorry i had to i just fucked with the volume here i had to crank that up all right that's what he said we would beat every team if we play it up best we can beat every fucking team in his fucking league you know the usual bullshit okay for those you forgot all right now here's him yesterday when they backed into the fucking playoffs like they did last year here we go by the way i think we're in the playoffs god dog it ain't the way i wanted it but i'll take it oh jeez fucking yeah what happened rex

fucking dope i swear to god was was i was there's no reason for me to even bring it up but i have to bring it up okay that's the second major thing that i was right about in football this year and as much as you fucking hate too many you know i'm right i told you Peyton Manning was fucking overrated i told you he was a regular season statistical juggernaut he threw a pick six to lose the fucking super bowl and he is yet to get shit for it yet to get shit for it this fucking volume is way too high i'm sorry let me bring this down here he is yet to get shit for it all right and i told you i didn't i didn't understand what the jets were talking about i didn't understand why they felt like they were the shit you know was it last year that they

made the playoffs because the Colts sat half their fucking team wasn't it wasn't it that wasn't last year isn't that how they got into the fucking playoffs then this year they come in just talking all this shit now look i'm not saying that they couldn't go on any team in the nfl at this point if you get hot in the end of december you can actually go on a run and win the fucking super bowl like the giants did all right that's another fucking hilarious thing the giants losing again this week and now they're questioning whether tom cofflin is worthy to coach that team that team that amir two fucking years ago or three years ago beat an undefeated team 14 point underdogs what did the game suddenly pass tom cofflin by in two and a half fucking years

new york this is different between new york and boston boston jet is completely 100 negative and they'll give you a little bit of positive in the second they see negative they're like the curse is back they're awful that way but new york they kind of do the espn thing where they hype shit through the roof and say this is going to be the greatest fucking thing ever and then when it doesn't happen then they go the exact opposite way and then and then just somebody is the worst fucking thing that ever happened to the goddamn sport and that's why mediocre guys like mark sanchez who never really did anything in fucking college what did he do he won the fucking rose ball with that team that had won the national championship i know there's a turnover

of players but give me a break matt linehart did more than that fucking guy and he's not even in football anymore i think he's playing in like the fucking cfcfl right so there you go people but i will tell you this i uh i do back rex ryan on his foot fetish video i don't think there's anything fucking wrong with that he's got a foot fetish he made a video i totally agree with him it is a private matter and uh you know the guy loves his wife that's what i got out of it i didn't think it was a weirdo i think that was just one of those classic fucking examples of every yet buddy out there throwing sticks and stones and all this fucking shit when we all have these skeletons in our in our closet huh does anybody else want to turn over their fucking hard drive

their computer hard drive and let the fbi go through it and look at all the fucked up shit that you've looked at on the internet give me a fucking break i'm a freak just like him i'm not into feet you know some of the horrific shit that i've looked at on the internet i'm gonna fucking judge this guy then the end they he just kept going it's a personal matter i'm not gonna talk about it you're gonna ask me 16 ways to sunday it's a personal matter and i was like that's exactly right rex it's exactly fucking right it's your own fucking life it's a personal matter i'm not talking about it go fuck yourselves i don't give a shit that it's on the internet it's none of your goddamn business watch the video if you want i don't give a fuck then they go can

you at least talk about your wife and he goes you know what can i say i've been with him for 23 years i love her she's awesome i was like you know what this guy's a great dude and i realized that i was wrong saying that he was gonna make an attempt on his life one day because he he has because he has a great woman in his life and that's that's what's holding that man together and uh told you i told you one psycho can spot another psycho from across the room so god bless rex ryan and his fucking foot fetish 23 years he still fucking got the hots for his wife he's making freaky videos but i thought that was the shit gave me hope that's what it did gave me hope i don't think that guy's a freak at all and it's like that tiger wood shit and everybody

sat there judging him people are full of shit you know just listen to that quiet voice in the back of your head that's calling you a hypocrite when you're at the dinner party trashing tiger woods you know when you think of some of the shit that you've you know that you rubbed one out to your wife's sister huh what if that ever got out what if there was fucking video with that you fucking fucking rubbing one out to your wife's fucking sister and we could see the fucking video that's playing in your goddamn head really you're gonna judge this guy because he's into feet i don't judge him for that shit i do judge him for being a shit talking jackass who sounds like one of my moron buddies at a fucking sports bar i will trash him for that

so with that who do you guys think is going to win the super bowl because i for one have no fucking idea i have no faith in my team i don't even know who they are anymore they'll my my patriots they're like a drug addict you know are they clean are they clean this week and they're gonna play they're gonna play fucking defense are they they just gonna i don't know i don't know and i don't like that that we basically should have lost to the fucking packers uh but erin rogers was out and even then we still should have fucking lost but they didn't manage the clock right and uh you know we lost to the jets once jets could come in and beat us they could still come in and beat us in our own fucking place i mean that's the kind of way football is right now so which is why i don't

understand the whole rex ryan shit talking that's what it was about so there you go let's see let's move on to something else here let's go with advice uh bill hey i just want to write you and say i got let it go for christmas um i really needed it too my girlfriend dumped me on christmas eve uh so you know my christmas sucked but your dvd really helped me out a lot last night i know what you say about break up six weeks of pain and then it gets easier i said we were together for nine months and out of the blue on christmas eve she called me up and said she needed time for herself and her daughter that makes it tough too i got really close to her kid here's my question what's the worst breakup you've ever had and have you ever have you ever been dumped over the holidays

all right there's a number of things going on here sir first of all uh that's a real honest move on her part you know that whole fucking thing where you just go through a christmas because you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings you know it it's there's no good time for a break if she just could not go through the phoniness a celebrating christmas with you when she knew she was gonna fucking drop the other shoe however that fucking expression goes so i gotta give her props for being fucking honest but uh and then also do you know you can do better than hooking up with some chick who already has a kid and i hate to be mean i'm not trying to trash women out there we have fucking kids in this single and that type of shit but i'm trying to give this guy something positive

all right you know it's like yeah you got it you got it down dude six weeks it's gonna suck this is what you want to do just go to the gym go to the fucking gym this is what women do women fucking cry it out with their friends they get it out of this system and then they go to the fucking gym and the next time you run into them they want you to have that moment why the fuck did i dump you when guys we never do that what do we do we get fucking drunk get a big fat fucking john travolta head and then go out and try to bang some skank at three in the morning don't do that to yourself all right just know it's gonna hurt and fucking you know go spoon with your pillow and cry it out and then go to the fucking gym put on some music that's gonna motivate

you go see that movie the fighter all right go get fucking motivated we'll do that shit and then uh then just go out and just start hitting on chicks that are completely way out of your fucking league and uh you know just go talk some shit and then you got the out i'm not ready to be in a relationship i got broken up with on christmas fucking eve i i'm not even trying to talk to women you do that you fucking do the reverse cell you're backing up they're walking towards your dick that's how you do it you know you'll get a sympathy blowjob or something just open your fucking mouth don't be negative keep them fucking laughing spin a couple of plates something will happen for you next thing you know you'd be like wow dad that i almost get involved

with the fuck i was thinking about getting married to some woman who already had a fucking kid you know who's never really gonna consider you her dad it's gonna have a bunch of issues and her dad's not going to be around when when her daughter goes through her her slut years because she's trying to find another father figure you don't want to be around for that shit you did all right so anyways he said here's my question what's the worst breakup you've ever had and have you ever been dumped over the holidays uh worst breakup i ever had was i broke up with this girl who then ended up stalking me she told me she was pregnant uh i believed her i got back into her life and then obviously i realized you know when she was never showing that she wasn't pregnant yeah i had

one of those just a complete fucking psycho would stalk me at my day job and all that she was a fucking nightmare um i had one of those and have ever been dumped over the holidays no i haven't i've mainly been the person uh that's dumped people but i did get dumped uh the fuck that i get dumped it was in a september yeah it was september september yeah yeah and it was it sucked it was fucking brutal and i did the dumb shit i went out and i drank and um i didn't that that's you know something that's the basis of my advice that i give you guys when you men or women when you go through a breakup is just allow yourself to know that it's gonna suck yes it's gonna suck yes you're gonna come home the phone isn't gonna ring and you're gonna be sitting there trying to

put the pieces back together going what the fuck did i used to do with all this extra time and just go through that is the best thing that i can tell you and fucking embrace it and just know what's gonna hurt and uh that's the best advice i can give you because i did not do that the worst thing you want to do is go out start boozing try to bang somebody else and then go into a fucking rebound relationship i did that a couple of times it's fucking brutal it's not what the fuck you want to do so uh i know we had a couple questions somebody i keep getting questions about on the open anthony show patrice o'neill and kevin hart talked about this this trashing that i took and uh it was a long fucking time ago i i haven't listened to the audio yet uh just look it up on

youtube i'm sure they have the audio up uh without even listening to the audio whatever they said is more than truth it was an epic 50 fucking minute trashing that i took um what the fuck was the story esti at the comedy cellar all right how do i what do i start this the yankees were playing the braves in the fucking world series and i guess there was there's these groups of people from atlanta wanted to uh we're gonna take that's right they were taking two buses to yankee stadium to go to the game and they wanted a comedian to perform on the bus on the way to the stadium all right which obviously is the most nightmare gig ever they were going to pay you like 500 bucks and give you a world series ticket all right so the gig was offered to me

like esti was like who's the two biggest sports fans i know around here so she offered in and actually don't have enough money in the bank where they'll actually consider doing this so she approached me and jim norton about the gig so me and norton are just talking about it going to this is going to be the worst fucking gig ever but you get to go to the world series and we were both thinking about it so the next day over 24 hours norton finally just goes fuck that i'm not doing it so i was going to do it i was like fucking it's not going to be that bad a gig that's the thing about it it wouldn't have been that bad a gig i basically was going to get paid to go to a world series game and to get paid to do what the fuck i was going to do anyways which is trash the yankees

all the way up to yankee stadium that's the only part about the story that's bullshit is them talking about what a horrific gig it would have been it would have been a fucking cakewalk compared to those college gigs i did where they didn't have a fucking microphone and they stand you in a hallway it would be a bunch of drunk fans excited to see their team that didn't have a shot in fucking hella beating the yankees and all i was going to do was tell them what a fag jeeter was for fucking 30 minutes a half hour fucking set would have been a joke all i would have to do is trash the yankees the whole fucking way up i get 500 bucks and i get a world series ticket and the second i get off i can screw i can leave those guys i get to go to a world series game and fucking yankee

stadium so i'm like i'm gonna fucking do it right so i didn't know that jim had said that he wasn't going to do it so we're sitting down there at the table down at the cellar and it's starting up everybody's giving each other shit so i start giving norton shit about whatever about his chinless face uh his little ears or whatever fucking awful hooded sweatshirt that he was wearing and then i got him with a couple of jabs and he felt the overhand right coming and he needed to stop it and he just goes whatever bus boy and it was like e f hot and everybody fucking stopped and went what why did you just call him bus boy and i immediately was like he's gonna do it too and somehow jim got out of it and just he literally threw me under the bus and then they

found out i was doing the gig and it just so happened that night that all the fucking the big boys were there was patrice norton was there kevin hart rich voss keith robinson right fucking there the tyson holyfield george foreman all of that and i'm standing there like fucking uh tex cob and i took a 50 minute i took a headlining set killing standing ovation set of shit for doing that gig and i was still gonna do it i was still gonna do it even after the fucking trashing because i'm thinking i'm going to the fucking world series i don't give a shit you know and patrice was trashing me and i didn't give a fuck what he said his advice i never would have listened to because patrice was one of the biggest pussies when it came to performing

hell gigs like when we used to do colleges this guy used to book us on colleges and it would be me him and robert kelly or me him and norton or whatever and this dude never wanted to go on first because first sucks because you got to warm up the crowd and he never wanted to go on last because you had to follow the other two acts he always wanted to go on second and he uh and then he go on second and he would go over his fucking time like the selfish cunt that he is and so i was just like ah you know this guy this guy fucking uh this guy retires from comedy every two weeks when he sees a hack kill on stage i don't give a fuck what he thinks but it was it wasn't until the end when he actually looked at me when the trashing was over and he said bill

he goes i will stand in front of that bus don't do that gig i'll buy you a ticket to the world series don't do that and then i was sitting there going like wow this is actually like he's not even joking right now he's trying to tell me for the love of god have a little bit of self fucking worth and he that was the thing after a 50 minute trashing isn't as embarrassing as that was nothing was worse than the shame of him telling me that i could actually afford a world series ticket at that point i wasn't really even thinking that so i decided i in that moment i i decided not to do the gig which i don't think came out on the opium anthony show they think i did the gig i never did the gig and i actually passed it off to another comedian who was further down the

ladder than i was and uh he didn't even ask me but i always made a promise that i would never say who did the gig and uh i don't know next time i go on opium anthony i'll talk to the dude who actually did the gig and see if he wants to call in and talk about the gig but that's the only i haven't listened to the audio yet but whatever jokes that they said there was some classic ones i remember patrice saying hey bill when they bring you up are you gonna come out of the bathroom or you're gonna walk up up those little stairs that and then also me finishing my set going hey thanks a lot and then i sit down in the bus seat and then look over my shoulder and shake everybody's hands as they go to get off the bus was i gonna fucking hold the uh you know the bus intercom thing

would i do it over that yada yada all that and fit and this would kill me they had jokes for 50 fucking minutes all that was true but i never did the gig i never did the gig and uh and i still maintained it wouldn't have been that bad of a fucking gig it wouldn't have been a joke bill get on a bus for a half an hour and trash the Yankees do you think he can do that we'll give you 500 bucks in a world series ticket absolutely i would have been drinking with them at any time i ran out of shit to talk about the Yankees you just look out the bus hey look at the tits on that fucking whore and they'd all go nuts all i had to do was support the south in the civil war there was so many different ways that i could that would have been a fucking cakewalk a fucking cakewalk and i

didn't end up doing it i didn't end up doing it which actually was better because the first time i went to a world series ended up being uh i went to game two with 2004 that boring ass world series both exciting because we finally won it so there you go so that that is the story yes they trashed the shit out of me but i never did the gig i was shamed out of doing it and i gave it to another comedian who will remain nameless actually you know what here let me let me do a little cross promotion here uh i will reveal the name the next time i do the opiate anthony show if they still give a fuck if they still give a shit if the story has legs as they say in the business so uh so there you go there's that fucking story all right and i'll try to remember the name of this podcast

in case they get somebody a couple more questions about it and i'll just say refer to the podcast on december 27th um all right youtube videos of the week um these are all going to be on the mmpodcast.com you can watch all of these uh the so-called white man somebody sent a great video of somebody they do didn't have a microphone but he was he was talking about all how the white man you know is fucking with everybody the way he twisted up religion and all that shit which is totally true but in the end he goes because god is actually a black man so basically it's like everything that white people just did i am now going to do from my perspective which is the one thing that i've learned when i uh being on the road that everybody is the same and it includes the

bad shit you know that liberal thought that you know everybody is the same but it's only good shit everybody has the ability to be a scientist to be a doctor you know a fucking teacher everybody has yes yes they do and they also have the ability to be a fucking ceo at enron to be a rapist and to be a fucking serial killer and all the bad shit everything to be a war criminal a fucking dictator everybody that is not that is not an exclusively white thing because white people get blamed for evil like we're the only evil ones in the planet we are not we are just the best at it we are the michael jordan's of evil everybody i challenge your race to top my race with the evilness but you got it in you you got to know that all right you got to know that you have it in

you the same way you have it in you to be a doctor a lawyer or a teacher you also have it in you to be a uh a complete fucking sociopath uh so there's there's my fucking two cents all right clumsy reporter knocks down uh i don't know how to say jenga tower i don't know what it is leaning tower of pizza um fva toe rope fail this is somebody towing their friend's car down the street with a rope and it doesn't go that well merry christmas bitch need i say more harvard sailing team boys will be girls and on from funny or die drunk history and i think that's it i think that's it for the podcast this has been a very long one a gift card really quick let me read this uh gift card dude what is your deal with gift certificates this guy right here is the exact

reason why i don't like gift certificates would you rather get some shitty sweater or boxer beasts from your aunt or brother-in-law or a gift certificate from amazon or best buy where you could buy something you actually like hey fuckhead why don't you not go out and buy a shitty sweater a boxer briefs see you uncreative cunt maybe you should give out a gift card that's why i don't like it because you know it's like you're out there and you buy somebody a great fucking gift and then they go hey you go shop for yourself fuckface it's lazy that's why that's why i don't fucking like it i don't mind it if i get if we both agree to get each other gift certificates i don't mind that when i'm out there actually trying to buy you a fucking cool ass gift and you

come up with you just write me a check you know like i'm some drunk whore gonna say your fucking son rape somebody and you're running for senate and you need the problem to go away that's why i don't like it so go fuck yourself um all right revenge i gotta read this quickly here which is gonna cause all kinds of problems uh all right i went to a local junior college wait a second i just jumped in too far this may be a more of a story of lashing out than revenge i actually think this is a story of revenge and i like this story because this is eyeballed eyeball even though it was a little elf samuelson here my senior year i dated a beautiful underclassman she was my first love and first lay we dated through the summer after graduation i went on

to a local junior college um the next year jesus christ shop class guy right here all right uh we were still dating when school started up the next year i had a lot of friends that were still in high school and one of my best friends told me that he started seeing my girlfriend hanging out at school with another good friend of mine uh my girlfriend was acting shady so i knew something was up um for years during the football season a big group of guys would get together on sundays and play a game of tackle football uh this guy who was seen with my girlfriend was among the guys that showed up to play with me to play with uh everybody me and this guy this other guy you name it all names i'm trying to skip over the names here me and this other guy would normally

play qb so we would be the two to pick teams each week uh the quarterback on the other team was also a good friend of mine the friend of mine all these fucking names here the friend of mine who was messing with my girl didn't know that i was aware that he and my girl had been flirty at school so i asked my buddy the qb on the other team to pick this douche who's messing with my girl and at some point during the game send him in on a hard five and in i i don't know what that is that like a post pad i guess that's a crossing pattern and lead him high he's basically going over the middle he's going to throw him throw the ball high and just out of his reach leaving this guy completely exposed so anyways he goes a few plays into the game they come out of the huddle and my buddy the

qb on the other team gives me a look he goes i called it two one two defense jesus christ this is like the most professional pickup football game ever so i bring in the nickel defense i had to call a timeout because we had too many men on the field i called it two one two defense and took the short right zone the ball was snapped and this douche bag who's flirting with my girl came off the line took a hard left and in slow motion ran into my zone i delay one or two seconds and begin the path to the collision my buddy led him perfect so he had to pick up a little speed to get to the ball and he extended both arms to the sky and of course he's looking back at the quarterback too jesus christ the second the ball hit his hands i bury my shoulder into his stomach i grab the back

of his knees and i pull up and drive him into the ground now i can't define the word squelch but he definitely let out a sound that only that i can only describe as squelched uh yeah really that that word makes it sound like you actually hit a really ripe melon the entire field erupted with a holy shit my little league coach would have given me two stars on my helmet for this fucking hit i felt good about it for about three seconds and then the remorse set in i feel bad to this day for setting this guy up the way i did it took a few minutes for him to get up uh but he was fine i don't know about karma but a few weeks later this dude that he drilled into the ground was banging his ex-girlfriend and i met my rebound that i dated for the next five years she turned out

to be the devil herself i might not believe in god but i've hooked up i've looked the devil in her evil eye as i shot a load into her evil cunt jesus christ um i don't think karma got you i think he was gonna banger no matter what i think he got a nice shot in there um it was a little cheesy that you had your friends set him up but uh but fuck him that's what he gets that's your girl he shouldn't have been doing that he was wrong you were right and as far as karma goes i view karma is like uh what's that shit where you look at the stars to see if you're going to get a chicken sandwich that day what do you call it is it astrology astronomy is the study of stars astrology yeah like i don't believe in astrology you know and anybody who does you go okay you believe in it i

can you just go what's your sign and i and they tell you this sign and then read somebody else's horoscope if they're a gem and i read a torus and go all right how does that pertain to your life the big okay it means this this and this and go yes see that was torus so there you go you can fucking it this is so vague you can attribute it to anything something wonderful is going to happen today just be careful you don't close it off or it won't happen so then if something wonderful doesn't happen you then walk well i i must have been closed off i need to be more open and then they get off scott free right i feel the same way about karma karma is something that if you there's ups and downs in life okay and if you just you're waiting for something bad to happen

something bad's gonna fucking happen no matter how good you are something bad's gonna fucking happen you know by a brand new pair of sneakers someone's gonna step on them you know you're like well i starve a fucking i starve i sponsor a starving child i don't fuck around i'm a good guy why did somebody step on my sneaker because the world is full of cunts is impossible not to run into you know i think karma exists if you believe in it i think if you don't believe in karma like you you never really you don't really have any bad shit happen to you there you go that's what i think about karma i am an hour and 17 fucking minutes into this podcast ladies and gentlemen i think it's time to uh to end the podcast here i hope you enjoyed it i hope you guys all had a very

merry christmas a happy kwanzaa happy hanukkah or maybe you just said fuck it all and i'm going to take a few days off and uh that is it that's the podcast please please oh please well the shows are all sold out so go scalp a ticket i speaking of jim norton the man who threw me under the bus and it took him 10 years to make up for it actually made up for it when he put me on down and dirty and he hooked me up with opi and anthony uh but let's say i don't count those you know because i'm into astrology uh he hooked me up again with this awesome gig uh that he does every year at the uh uh fuck i'm gonna screw this up down in atlantic city and this year he was like you know what why should i take it all for myself why don't i share it with some friends

and i'm doing a show at the the the fucking casino down there in atlantic city why don't i know the name of it the fucking internet doesn't work in my bedroom whatever it's fucking sold out anyways but it's me jim norton jim brewer and david tell it's going to be a fucking unbelievable night of three shows if you can't make that you didn't get tickets it's because it's already sold out um my next gig is i'm going to be in dallas texas on the final weekend in january the week of the nfl pro bowl uh the 27 28 29th i believe that weekend i'm going to be at the improv in dallas i'm sorry 28 29 and 30 improv in dallas texas please come out i got a brand new killer hour of stuff uh anything else oh redsox fans are baseball fans and generally should check this out uh

steve gorman from the uh black crows has his own podcast of course i don't have the fucking link because i'm an idiot steve gorman sports sgs is the name of the podcast great podcast he interviews kevin euclis and uh kevin he just he's got a great interview style where he just gets the other person to relax and he starts talking about just all kinds of cool shit favorite ball parks favorite restaurants if you're into sports performance enhancing drugs pete rose should he be in the hall of fame or not having entourage's uh team chemistry all the shit you want to and it's great it goes on for well over an hour and it's totally fucking entertaining highly recommend that podcast keeps getting better every time i hear it and that's it that's the podcast for this week i'm

going to be interviewing nick swartzson uh this week for a very special podcast and i am also going to the rose bowl the granddaddy of them all on uh new year's day and i am going to be stone fucking sober this year i know you guys are all booing right now because you want to hear the happy drunk stories well i'm sick of being a drunk on that day i would like to remember like i i went to a game and sanchez played for the usc penn state i went to that game i had never even heard of sanchez that's how drunk i was and to think that i could have been live booing that guy that would have made a difference he they still fucking killed the uh they still killed penn state all right whatever that's the podcast for this week god bless all

of you have a great week don't take any shit and go fuck yourself okay uh by thank you this legacy you and thank you

you