Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-31-15

Episode Date: January 1, 2016

Bill and Virzi ramble about eggs over medium, Bill's hatred of Star Wars and Jay's adventure.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. Just checking in on you. I hope this isn't too loud on some day I'll get a fucking producer. It's the last day of the world as we know it's the last day of the year and I have a very special guest on the podcast. Also the house guest, New Jersey zone, the pride of Trenton.

Please welcome Mr. Paul Verzi. What is up, Bill? Nothing. We've just been enjoying the drama of the morning waiting for Jason Lawhead to fly into the world as he knows it and Jay doesn't feel fine. These text messages, he's been sending me Jay Lawhead got snowed in and Cleveland and he was freaking out that he was going to miss the fucking Rose Bowl. So we fucking did a little thing or whatever and he got a flight and he's fine.

He has a flight and the whole time he's so fucking dramatic. All right, man. What do you say? Pray for me. Pray for me. This is unbelievable. They could make a movie. Dude, they could make a movie about me trying to get back to the Rose Bowl.

It's like, dude, you have a ticket. The plane's going to leave. The connection Dallas. Where's the conflict in the movie? Yeah. It's all in his head. It's so funny. We love Jay, but he's the best.

But the sky is constantly falling. These fucking things like some of the shit he says, he goes, he texts me this morning. He goes, looks like I'm going to be all good. Flight is on time out of Dallas. It's like, yeah, why wouldn't it be once you get out of Cleveland airspace, you head in south. Yeah. It's like, was he waiting for the taxi to break down?

Like there's no. I have no idea. So he goes. I love it. He goes, flight is on time out at that looks like I'm going to be okay. So I write, okay, great. And then he goes, and then I go, all right, you know, what's, you know, I got the, uh, the regular charcoal and the natural stuff for the stuff we're going to smoke.

What we're doing with the whole Rose Bowl, yeah, tailgate checklist here. You know, sound good. And he goes, yeah, sounds good. And then he goes, great, may have jinxed myself. They just announced that, announced that maintenance is on the plane and they will update us in 15 minutes was supposed to board 10 minutes ago. This is fucking insane. It's like, hey, it's gonna be it's the end of the world as he knows it.

And I just wrote back. It's funny. I wrote back, you'll be fine. Oh, and you'll, then we got it saying, you'll be fine. Oh my God, dude. And then he goes, a lot of Hawkeye fans on this flight translation, a lot of fucking ugly people on this flight. And I said, yeah, the big 10 is a little rough, you know, and he goes, yeah, we make

we make linemen and fullbacks. And then it goes boarding now. Thank Christ. I mean, I'd never, I've never seen anything like it, Jays. It's like, if the other shoe could drop, he's almost willing it to drop. I swear to God, if this plane crashes, I'm blaming him. It's not going to be pilot error. It's him in the back.

Just going like, oh, God, turbulence. Here we go. It's the end of the world. Yeah, we got it. We got to fucking tease him out of it. He's got it. He's ever gonna, that's who he is, dude. He's got to see this.

We all got our things. That's his. I know. I get all worked up about fucking Star Wars. So we were drinking, we're drinking cognac last night and I was flipping out about Star Wars once again. Oh, dude, you changed moods. It was, I never, you went from, you would have thought somebody told

you something horrible. Oh, yeah. You just, you were like, compared to what I would try. It drives me fucking nuts district nine is better than any of those fucking things. No, I know it do. But then after that, you just looked at your drink for a second and we're shaking your head and I was like, is he really mad? Oh, no, it just, I just know it just fucking drives me nuts.

Like just say you enjoy the movie. Don't be like, it's the greatest fucking movie. It isn't, it isn't. I don't know why it bugs me. It just bothers me what I just have to be like, well, Jesus Christ, if you think that's the greatest movie ever, what do you do when you see raging bull? I honestly questioned if you got into it with somebody in the past about it and it's still with like in you, like, does something happen?

Like the way you got mad, I was like, is there something I'm missing here? No, you know, it was because I had tequila before the cognac. It was just all that hard stuff. Oh, that tequila was unreal. Yeah. Oh, that was a good one. Oh, that was unbelievable. But we'll be in angels today because we got two shows tonight at the Orpheum.

And your eggs. Oh my God. And your eggs. Oh, yeah. You know what? Pauli medium, Pauli likes the eggs over medium over medium. That's the you have to care. It's an art.

You got it. You got to care to make over medium over easy. You just fucking flip it. You go over over hard. You just burn it up over medium. You got to get you got to care and you got to pay attention. You nailed it. Over medium as you cut the middle of the oak and it doesn't even go all over the

plate, it just slowly oozes out. Still soft. You nailed it. No, and the waffles, dude. I got to tell you, I haven't had a bad meal out here. Oh, yeah. Been cooking up a storm for Verzi and his lovely wife here every morning. Oh, having a great time.

Scrambled eggs. The fucking walk. Come on, the flight fluffy with the cheese in there. You can't get up with. Yeah, no, it's as great as a cook. I am law hits 10 times better. You know, yeah, I mean, the spatula is probably going to break. I mean, I don't know what's going to happen.

We got to get them on here and tease them about that. We love you. We're just fucking around. But these text messages, I swear to God, do pray for me. What they would think is pray for me is so ridiculously over the top. I love the guy in the movie. The sniper didn't have dialogue like this. He's just trying to make a connecting flight and, you know, I want to look

up Dallas right now and I'm going to see what the fucking way that you had to guess. What is the weather judging by those texts? You know, they had to have been like a tornado warning, right? I bet you the weather there is like 48 degrees or 55 degrees. Okay. Clear skies. I mean, I don't know if I'll ever take off. You know, it's 51 degrees.

I almost nailed it. Precipitation, 0% humidity, 0% winds, 10 miles an hour. Nothing. Dude, you could barely fly a kite in that fucking weather. The drone wouldn't have turbulence. Jesus Christ, Jay. Sorry, if I got a little heated last night, I don't know. No, when I, when I, when I get, when I drink the fucking hard stuff,

sometimes it brings out, it brings out the uglier side of me. It was so funny, man. Like Stacy and I were just like, did he get like, it was really funny. Cause you got, you went from like, we were just, by the way, that cognac. Oh yeah. Paul, you also got to know I'm a lunatic. You know, you realize I'm a lunatic. Yeah, but no, but no, but I don't think you're a lunatic.

I just know I am. Look at Jay flips out over fucking nothing. I flip out over, like Jay flips out, basically about everything. I flip out over like dumb shit. Dude, you acted last night like your high school rival loves Star Wars. No, I lost to my high school rival. Yeah. Like you and your high school rival had this thing and he was a Star Wars guy

and you weren't, dude. That's how I just want someone to agree with me. It's like, what am I not seeing? That reminded me of Chappelle. Please believe me. Yeah, just somebody just be like, this is the greatest thing ever. And like, like Sam Rockwell on moon was fucking up like that blue, that movie blew my fucking mind.

You know, I didn't see that. Ah, yeah, I want you to do that and then go watch one scene with Ewoks. And I want you to justify that fucking 50 mile line. I look, I understand this for kids. I get that. And if you're bored, I'll do it, I can actually agree. I can see your mind is the adults that are still getting like, I mean, this movie is that I loved when I was a kid and I watch them now.

And I'm just like, Oh Jesus, you know, dude, I can, I actually see what you're saying. I like Star Wars because I was a kid and I saw, I see it's ridiculous. The big monkey Chewbacca with Tourette's just fun. You know, it's ridiculous, you know, but I do, but you know, I'm walking. But but then there's a cool side to it, dude. Like evil and good and the same. I like the lightsaber fights, dude.

I just, you know, but I was a kid. I was a sense of thing. I was a kid that you like lightsaber fight. Once you watch, enter the dragon with Bruce Lee. I mean, you want to see some good fighting. You know, I remember talking to people with a flashlight. No, but remember talking yesterday and they're like, you go into that. Oh, well, well, well, well, well.

That's the fuck. No, remember? On the chair, you must sit. Yeah, yeah. Tell me the same voice over guy who did job of the hut and fucking Yoda's not the same guy. Oh, yeah, that's the guy with the same guy did the cookie monster. Jabba, no bother.

I think it's the guy from Amistad. It's all the same thing. But but here's the thing, dude. You know, when you go to a sneaker store and you're like, oh, my God, those Jordans bring me back. It's the same thing. And you're like, oh, JJ Abrams, he's a good director. Let's see what he does with it.

You got to check it out. Dude, it's two hours of your life. That's how I look at it. It's two hours of your life. Now, to your point, being dressed online as Chewbacca, that's crazy. You know, be having gowns and like, you know, women dressed in the Princess Leia bikini with the hair done. That's that's a little much.

I would never do that. I just say a man, like, give it a chance. It was he did a really good job. That's all I'm not saying. It's not a good movie. But I'm just saying it just blows my mind that there's not a if you can have a two mile long line for that fucking movie. Well, how many long a mile should it be for Moon District 9?

If you just talk moon raker or just actually good science fiction. Yeah, I just think I love that. Dude, I don't mind. So I come from the 80s when you're a kid, the future when, you know, there's no water and all that type of shit. And we fucking destroy ourselves. You know, I'm not into zombies. I don't like that.

Prometheus was good. Prometheus, that was the shit. Prometheus was good. That was the shit. I love that movie. I like that movie. I was at Riddick Boe, Ving Reims. Ving Reims did a yellow one with a monster.

Couldn't see me. Had to move the same way he did. Do you remember that? No. He fucking had those. He had the Ving, not Ving Reims. Vin Diesel? Vin Diesel.

Sorry. I didn't say Riddick or something. He had the Riddick. That's why I thought the guy, the actor's name was Riddick Boe. Riddick Boe. And then I went to Ving and Ving. Yes. Yeah, my brain works.

Riddick Boes. Your names, you're the worst. Paul, Paul, dude, dude, George Stephanopoulos. George Stephanopoulos. Dude, dude, I looked over at Jeff Gore. Everyone's going, number 24, number 24. They look alike. No, we were all, we were all so too heavy, heavy,

vodka's in. You know, we were hammered in the first period. Hammered. I know. It's kind of a reoccurring story. Speaking of which, Paul, you're saying in the beginning of 2016. Yeah. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.

You're going to fuck here. It's over. Yeah. My wife and I talked about it. I called you up. I said it. I'm doing it 100% starting after this trip. This is my last hurrah.

I got three days, people, and then I'm going to go. I want to go six months, but I'm definitely going 90 days clean. Dry. No booze. I'm cutting out the carbs, going to the track, going to run, and I'm going to drop, you know, the funny thing about me is my doctor always said, he goes, dude, you're the same weight always. He goes, you just got to lose a little bit of your stomach.

And he goes, do exercise. I'm like, I've been 15 pounds overweight for fucking 10 years, and I'm getting the 15 pounds done. Done. What about sticks? Cigars. It's going to be a, it's going to have to be a. It's going to have to be a serious occasion.

It's going to have to be a serious occasion. Okay. It's going to have to be a holiday. I'm dropping back. I mean, maybe one a month. That's what I'm going to do. It's going to be a special occasion. All right.

Well, actually, when they say, when you want to really make a change, you should just try to do one thing at a time. So I think just not boozing alone, you probably take off half the fucking weight. Right. Not boozing alone and just not smoking a stick. Joe Zimmerman, you don't know, he's a funny comic dude, funny comic from, I think, the DC area, something really funny. And we were doing the road together and I go, hey, Joe, did you smoke cigars?

And he just looked at me and he just goes, only when I celebrate. And the way he said it, though, dude, it was just like, it made me realize, what am I doing? Oh, no, it's stupid. It's, yeah, it's ridiculous. We both have to knock it off. You're way better than me, though. Yeah, I'm kind of over them, to be honest with you.

Like I can't, I just can't do it anymore. I just can't like, yeah, I can't fucking just wake up with that taste in my mouth again. I can't do like, I got rid of my humid doors and all that. I don't even have cigars in the house anymore. And it's just like, if somebody calls me up, I got a buddy of mine, you know, like once every six weeks, like, you know, hey, man, yeah, you want to go hand? I said, all right, I'll go do that. But like, uh, you know, I know you dropped off with him when you used to call me

and we talk about certain brands and sticks and you stopped. Like you used to be like, oh, dude, I went to the thing. I got this, you know, I'll send you a picture of the label and you stopped that. I noticed you stopped it. I had to knock it off. But like, I still, I still like, I like a cigar, but, um, I don't, um, yeah, I just, it just kind of caught, I just, I had too many and I just somewhere on that last bus trip we did right before the New York shows.

Um, I just had, I think when we were in that great one in Milwaukee, but we were just like, just the doors were all closed. There was 20 people smoking. That was brutal. Yeah. The next day I was just like, oh my God, dude, like I, I feel like that one, like that smoke went into the marrow in my bones here. That, and I could tell when Steve Mazzilli was with us, he wanted to be

with us and hang out, but he couldn't, he, when he was sitting there, I knew he was just like, it was way too much people in there smoking. Oh yeah. And it made it brutal. There was like 10 guys and then like four women showed up and they were smoking, they were smoking. We were in one little room. It was awesome, but I was, it was too, it was too much.

Yeah. Yeah, dude, but I gotta tell you, dude, California would be a problem for me because you could just go out here and just in the sunshine and just smoke a stick every day. I hope yesterday I go, I'm going to smoke half of this with a coffee. I don't need a clip at the end of it. I just, yeah, once I start going, but nah, dude, I'm going, I'm going clean. I said to my wife too, I go, you know what they're going to do it.

And she was not, I actually know you're going to this time. I'm definitely doing it. I'm definitely doing it, dude. I don't think you're going to make it. I, of course you don't. No, I'm just using reverse psychology. I'm going to make it. I'm going to do nine.

You're one of those guys. You're one of those guys. You need to be like, dude, people said, people said, I couldn't do it. Yeah, you don't understand when I put my mind to stuff. You're the funniest shit talker ever. I remember the time when we were on the fucking road, you know, Verzi's on the fucking elliptical does like 40 minutes.

No, no, I did over an hour. I crushed that one. I don't want you to do over an hour. Bill, I did an hour. I had a time. Now you did an hour. Now the next time I ask you, I did it. That was what you said.

The sweat was on the floor. I did an hour because I'm going to try to do six. But Paul goes, he goes, looks at me and he goes, no one goes harder than me at the gym. And I'm dying laughing like you didn't lift one weight. You didn't do any pull ups. You got on there like some chick who just had a baby and you're trying to lose your baby bump that you were on a fucking elliptical for an hour.

I was on the elliptical for an hour. I went hard for an hour, but yeah, I did nothing else. You like no pull ups. Not no, yeah, no doing the butterfly through the fucking pool. Like some of these maniacs do. Dude, yeah, the thing is, is you see who the fuck people who go hard at the gym, you look at them, they look like statues. They go hard.

Yeah, yeah. We just show up and try to, we try to maintain. Yeah, I've been going to my gym recently to do an hour. That's hilarious. Getting back to, uh, you know, going to the gym and stuff like this month, I want to make sure I went a lot just cause I knew I was going to eat like a fucking animal. And, uh, dude, there was like, you know, the, you know, the workout couple.

You know, yeah. So like the fucking dude is just jacked and she is fucking, she's like, like, she's probably lifting 60% of what the fuck he's lifting. And then she had these giant fake tits and she had this look on her face like she didn't want to be there. She was one of the scariest people I've ever seen in my life. She had her hair all pulled back. She had like this scowl on her face and she had like these fucking

world war two, like pinup girl, like remember those bullet tits they used to have back then because of the way they used to shape the bras. Yeah. She's walking around the sports bra. Like I swear to God, if this woman wanted to, uh, just pick me up in body slamming, she could dress him like, you know, and they also do that. They liked that couple that like, you know, uh, and she probably had to ask like me.

They got, you ever noticed that? No, but they, they were like, they, they wear all that workout. Dude, that workout shit. I don't, I don't get it. Like these fucking, these fucking, uh, uh, Mr. mom sweatpants that I have, what you're fucking, I can't throw them out cause they just won't wear out. I've had these things for like 12 years.

I don't get these people just constantly buying the latest, like, yeah, they buy the latest gym shit, gym shit. Yeah. So like the latest gym shit now is you have the socks that look like they have the bones going up the Achilles and then they got the, oh yeah. Yeah. Like they're like the vertebrae, whatever the fuck that is. And then they got the things like goes up the, no, that's a status.

That's a gym status thing. That's like, listen, I'm a regular and you just show up like, this is my home. You fucking dope. I never understood having nice gym shit. It's like, you're going to go there and switch your balls off. Like I go in, I dress like a bomb. Dude, they live for it. Dude, I've talked to those guys.

They're like, Jim is part of the gym and they, they go their dress. Nice. Yeah. Dude, it's part of, it's just, you know, it's the same way I show up on the golf course, right? It's come walking out there wearing either sneakers or Timberlands, whatever I have on. You actually, dude, I remember, dude, you actually, if you, I want you to give

a fuck and you never will. I could tell, but dude, I will use a putter and a sand trap. Dude, you were hitting some good shots and I was like, oh, this guy gave a fuck. Yeah. You don't care. I was the dumbest thing. And I just don't like, dude, fucking having to sit there and watch somebody line it up for fucking, it, what seems like 20 minutes.

It's just like, dude, you know, you're going to slice it. And then they stand up there. I wanted to do a bit about that. Just imitating somebody fucking standing over the ball with doing all of that shit and doing the thing with their head and fucking relax. No, who does it? Oh, who does the thing with their head? My head does the thing with his head.

My brother's got this other thing that he does. I was going to combine everybody's little tick and then they, then they fucking hit it and it goes into the woods. Then they had the nerve to stand there like they don't understand what just happened. It's just like, dude, did you forget the last 12 holes? You've been doing it the whole fucking day. You don't have any money on it.

Well, you just go up and hit the fucking thing. There's people behind. That's another thing I can't stand about God, the fucking stress of the people behind me. I'm just like, I'm ruining these people's day. Dude, the lion, the lion, the head, nothing. He doesn't think like he's almost, he's a good golfer though. No, he's a very good golfer.

He's a good golfer. He's a very good golfer too, but like he's, Jay's, Jay's about seven eight strokes better golfer than I am because he's out here. I can't, he plays a lot more than I do. I mean, I don't know if I'll ever play again. Not bad. You loved, you loved how I didn't like when he was doing the Gimmies. Oh, when we, when we, yeah, cause I was like, that's another thing too.

It's the amount of cheating that goes on where people, people hit some ball. I'm going to hit another one. I'm in another one. You're going to count that one. No, the worst is the Gimmie. Dude, I count every four that I had. What did I, what did I shoot on nine, like 120? No, no, no, no.

You, you, you were, you and Bartnick were in like that. You shot like 70, no, you shot like a 58 or a 60 something. And Bartnick shot like high fifties and you shot like low sixties or whatever. I counted every of every single stroke and I didn't take one Gimmie. That's such a pussy fucking. Yeah, it is. That's why I was liars. Law had to yell.

He was so far away from the cup. And Bart, you're going to take out a five. All right, dude, I wanted to like hurry up. So he's like, oh, just pick it up. And you know me, dude, I was like, no, no, you can't. Oh, that was my favorite thing. The game within the game, watching the two of you guys competing. Yeah.

Cause you guys are both good golfs too. What's his face? John, the bus driver was insane 36. Yeah, he had a birdie 36, dude. 36, oh my God. That's a 36. He was on pace to do 70. He was, he was, he was, yeah, he was, he was a good golfer, John.

See what this is. Oh man, that's funny. All right, I'm just making sure there's somebody from the venue. So Paul, what are you busting out tonight for New Year's? Alpha wise. Yeah. Oh, you know me. You go on fresh classic kicks.

You know, I'm not doing a Jordan, so I'm doing the rod lavers. I took, I took Verzi to a friend of ours, uh, recommended. I said, all right, I got a big time East coast sneaker had coming out here. Where should I take him? And boy, did he nail it? He said he, the one was that fight club. Dude, it was a mother load. Like it was like a system overload.

My head, like what you were, you were with the dog next door and I walked in and I saw Jordan threes, Jordan fours, fives, the seven threes is what you want. And I couldn't, I couldn't do, how about my wife? How about my wife, dude? My wife, Stacy's out here with me and she's having an absolute great time. Funny thing about her is she never turns it off. So we're walking on Melrose in the sunshine, getting ready to eat lunch, going into stores, everything she loves and her brain couldn't handle it.

She's like, I don't have anything to do. What the fuck kids, kids are back. You see, yeah, yeah, you know, she's got that like you, you know, she can't relax. Like I can relax, Bill. You know that I can relax. You know what I mean? I could put my feet up. She can't.

So when we were walking around, she was just like, this is, I go, you having fun? And she's like, I might, I don't know if you know what to do. You know what to do. So you're, you're inside and she just goes, look, they got the Jordan threes pole. They got him. She goes, I've been looking for him and I look underneath and it says 800 bucks. And she goes, let me just, let me just get him for you. Let's just get him.

And I go, I can't, I first of all, I was like, it's marked up insanely. What are they used to this? So you can get five or six, you know, but I was like, I can't go. I was like, I like him, but I don't like him to pay 250 extra on top of the gross price that already is. So she's like, let's just do it. And I was like, no, but then I saw the fourth, the fours and the fives. Dude, I was, before you walked in there, my eyes, if you just saw my, I can't

believe you know all of them. Stacy just said my jaw dropped and I was just like looking at all of these things. The same way I can list all like the Super Bowl champions, the way that you know all the Jordan sneakers. Like, yeah, I'm not as good as certain people, but I'm getting, dude, you know, it's weird as I'm turning into a sneaker head more and more. Cause you gotta wear it. Listen, when you get older, I told you, gotta be a man needs two things.

I was always taught this. You know what they are. A man needs a nice watch on his wrist and an alibi and a nice pair of shoes, whether it's kicks or shoes, they got to be, I don't know about the kicks things. I don't love the kicks. I'm just saying the foot game needs to be on par. You know, that's what I'm saying. You, whatever you look when somebody looks at your feet, like, oh my God,

those are crazy. Yeah, you, whatever sneakers you get, I either love them or I just, you either go, those are classics and I love them or you're like, I hate them. Yeah. Because there's a generation gap between you and me with sneakers. Yeah. Where I came up with a star skiing hutch, Adidas dragons, Adidas country, Nike Cortez, which I picked up and I loved yesterday.

And I just go, oh, look at these man with the red one, you know, the white with the red, yeah, that's what kills me. You go for his gump. Well, that's what he ran in. I know. I didn't know that. So he ruined those sneakers. Yeah.

Because he got a pair of them and that's when he put them on and he just left the house and started running and then you see them get older, but he kept those on the whole time and he had the big beard when he, I love those sneakers. Dude, it's so, so clean. And then what I have somewhere around when Shaq came into the league, like the sneakers just got so bizarre. I remember one time he had, it looked like a bullseye and the circles just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

Yeah. The ones when he had, when he was ordering Orlando and I was looking at those things and I remember there was younger kids going, oh, look at the Shaxx. I got the Shaxx. And I was looking at going, that looks lazy, ugly as fuck. No, the Shaxx were fucking ugly. But dude, those red Adidas you got, I remember one time. Yeah.

But those Adidas I have are just classic. They're red. Those red. Red with white stripes. And they're clean, dude. But I remember one time we were on the road somewhere. I haven't won. You just bought gray ones.

You just bought gray ones. Yeah, they're right there. They're all fucked up now. Yeah, dude, we were on the road and I was standing to the right of the stage and I was just going out there, watch some of your set and everything like that. And I just for 45 minutes were staring at your Adidas. I didn't even listen. I wasn't even listening.

I was just like, those are clean. All right. But those red ones are one of my favorites. Do you see the ones hanging there? Yeah. On the bottom, right? That's Adidas country. The white with the green.

Those with the shit. Those for me, those are, that's, yeah, that reminds me of like the 1976 Olympic games. Yeah. Like, like, you know, that was about 1978. Yeah, dude, those are flat. No, I can't. That's, that's too, that's too old, dude. I understand.

But then you, and then the ones up there, those A6 are cool. Those A6 are cool. But then the other ones are red. Those are Adidas dragons. Dude, you got Stan Smiths. You got Black Stan Smiths. Yeah. You got, yeah.

I have the old, I got the old school ones. I got Nike Cortez. But see, that's where I can't get. That's where you lose me. Like if I look at all your things, you got the, you got the Stan Smiths on top with your crazy, you got the red, the A6 I could go with. You got the Cortez I could go with. And then all of a sudden it gets down to the, to the Bruce Jenner's.

Like you said yesterday. Oh, the Bruce Jenner's. I look like a punter in 1974. Yeah. Those look like too punty. Those look like old school soccer shoes. I love them though. Yeah.

That's, but you, you got either, I either like what you have or like, those joins you have right now. It looks like they should have the blinking light in the back for a little kid because it's got the infrared color. That's what you don't like about it. Yeah. Somewhere around the bow knows that shit. And when, when the sunglasses started having the neon green or the neon pink

along the side, that's when the outfielders were wearing the Oakley's. That they shiny. They were big and shiny. No, just like every dude who put moose in his hair and had a chain around gold chain around his neck and the late 80s had the fucking those, those. They were like the Tom Cruise shaped sunglasses from Risky Business. And on the side, it was either lime green. Oh, that's terrible.

Yeah. Yeah. And that's, that's when I, when those colors were in, I never looked more pasty because I just could not, I could not pull them off. So I had to just stick with my whole life. I've dressed like Malcolm Young, to be honest with you. Do you, did you ever wear a cabaret cheese? The cabaret cheese?

I got a picture of me with one of my first girl. I never wore them. I had, I had Z cabaret cheese. I would make money with the Cosby sweater, driving gloves for whatever. We had a rough one yesterday. Okay. And a, and a waist length, like leather zip up. Oh, and I think I had a hat on too.

Oh my God. It was really bad. Dude, you and Z calves. Cause I grew up in an Italian neighborhood or something. And the kids, they all wore them. But like, I remember they were the, the 4G owns. There was, they just all had them. I never wore them.

I never wore Z cabaret cheese. It just didn't, it wouldn't have looked. Coffee pants. Yeah. No, puffy up top and then tapered. Yeah. Then tapered down. It was a MC hammer pants.

It was basically the dressy and they were pleated. Oh, they were so bad. They were awful and they crushed. It was like one detail that would make any pair of pants bad. They took like all five and they just threw it in one. You know, it's like that, uh, the mystery beat. You know what I mean? We just throw it in a pot and give it to the soldiers.

I remember one time I put on pants and Stacy goes, those have pleats in it. And I go, yeah, no, no, no. And she goes, get off. Oh, you can't do that unless you're going to an 80s party. You cannot, you can't have that on any fucking level. But, um, what was I going to say? Yeah. So, uh, dude, you know, you have no idea what you're in for tomorrow.

I'll go into the road. You guys are going to get me excited. Like, oh yeah, I never seen like you're going out. You're going to butcher shops. You give me, I made the big square ice. Ice you're making, you're getting nuts with the ice. I was like, this is going to be nuts. Dude, I got it on the foot.

You know what really got me? I saw a football and a pump. Oh yeah. It's it for me. Oh yeah. Dude, we can be out on the golf course. Oh, fucking why it makes the sickest fucking breakfast sandwiches. You get the OJ going.

You know, what's the greatest thing is when we pull up at this point, we're becoming that tailgate that people look over going, oh, they're making eggs, why we should run eggs. You guys are the guys at the Rose Bowl. Like you're becoming, but there's always the, I don't think you get your official like you're, you're the badass tailgates until you're literally dragging a smoker in. And there's a bus. No, and you have like the satellite dish and you got like TV, like those guys

we hung within for the UT game. Yeah. No, giants where the Giants play as a guy. He basically painted a school bus giants. And then he's got the tarp over and like that, like the TVs on, like those guys are staples there. You guys aren't that yet. Are you?

Oh, no, no, no, no, but they, they, uh, those guys, I went with some guys in Cleveland a long time ago, I went to a Browns game and there were some guys out there that bought a short bus and they painted it. This, listen to shit. They painted it Cleveland Brown colors. And then they had this, they had this crank on the back and on top of the bus, like these goal posts would come up and you'd be in the parking lot and you'd kick field goals.

Oh my God. When you were hammered. Oh, I think I saw that on TV. Oh, they might have made it. Fox did a, Fox did a thing on that guy. And they were like, and people could line up to kick field goals. They were doing it at the, the Cleveland. I don't know if it's the same one cause sometimes people see ideas and they

take some, but this was a Cleveland guy. That's awesome. And then they played like full contact beer pong. They went nuts. And I remember I tackled the guy from John Lawrence from Hilarides. I tackled him and some of you had just dumped their hot coals on the stove and his knee went right down on it. Oh, and he got like almost borderline second degree burn on right under his

kneecap and he's putting snow on it. I felt horrible and he was laughing. He didn't care. Man, dude, that was one of the sickest games ever. As far as like the weather, we showed up and it was just that fucking Lake Erie snow, but it was just like, it was just fucking cold enough for it to be snow. So it was that wet snow and there was some guy standing there, this fucking guy. He had like a high school Letterman jacket on.

He was this skinny dirt bag looking fucking, you know, the Dale Earnhardt mustache, wiry guy, no hat. And he had like that fucking straw hair, full head of hair, but straw hair. Dude, it was just, he had like an inch of snow on his fucking head and somebody finally just pulled out an awful old Cleveland hat and put it on his head. And he just goes, yeah, thanks. And he just sort of shook his head, dude. And I swear to God, it was like the amount of snow that came off of his fucking head.

Like if that guy didn't give that hat, I was looking at that, looking at the guy going, that guy, if this guy stays out in the elements for an entire football game, where he's at now, this guy is going to die. It's fucking insane. So this won't be, it'll be a little cold tomorrow, but we bring like, we bring like three quarts of wood. So, you know, if it gets a little cold in the morning and the system and I don't get cold, I'm a guy that doesn't get cold.

And with the whiskey, I'm going to be drinking to this, not there's California. How cold is it going to be tomorrow, 40s, 50s? It's going to be, it's going to be like 39 degrees, 40 degrees. If it stays not in the 20s, 39, 40, dude, is that's like 40s, 40s, surely. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to be getting up and someone's, the first thing you're going to get is an ice cold beer, which is not what you need to warm up. I'm telling you.

And then Bartnick, no, but as soon as I'm going to be warm, as soon as Bartnick goes, Merzy, heater, heater, you want to, you want to, yeah, that's great. But one of my favorite things is after a show, after a show, when it was me, you and Bartnick, the best thing about touring with Bill is we all have a schedule. We all have a system and we're like the little brothers, right? So then Bill goes up and we always go, all right. After our sets, you bring Bill up after our sets. We're going to go and do it.

So I go into the green room, Bartnick's there. He goes like, he makes his thing with his face where he gets real happy. He clenches his teeth and he makes a fist and he smiles with his teeth clenched and the fist shakes. And then he goes, and then calmly goes, you want to pop? It's one of my favorite. You want to pop? Like he just makes you feel like anytime you have a drink, it's like, yeah, yeah.

Like he's, he's unbelievable. Like he could make, he could make like doing blow, feel okay. Bump, bump, bump. Never hurt him, but you want to bump? He's like, it's great. You're like, I'll take a bump the way he presented it. I'll take a bump. But, um, no, dude, you know what made me laugh?

I thought about this and I hope you remember this because you made me think about it because you know I'd be talking shit right at a game with you going, dude, dude, if they got that field go thing back at the truck, I'm going to kick. I guarantee you I'd kick two in a row. Like I would be talking shit. Oh, you go beyond that. You remember, I could, I could hit, I could, I could hit a 48 yard. You'd be like, as you're doing it, you're like, you're just making up shit as

you go. The funny thing is this, me and you were at Monday night football in New Orleans. Remember against the Eagles. Oh God, we saw Vic. We saw Vic. I guess. Yeah. And, uh, and that was when Andy Reed, and that was when Andy Reed was on his way

out and they knew and they just couldn't win even though Vic was doing okay. Me and you leave hammered. And we're like, dude, we got a long walk in him. We got a, we got a long walk back. So some guy standing next to us and he hears us and he offered us a ride. He was a complete stranger. You don't remember this. And he goes, and he goes, he goes, dude, I'll give you, he goes, you guys want it.

If you guys want to ride, I mean, you just looked at each other, didn't know this guy from Sam didn't know him. And we're just like, yeah, all right. And all of a sudden we got into a yelling match because I said I could throw a college football 50 or so. And I said, I could throw a pro football 45. And you go, you know, you're not throwing a prov you know how fuck it. And we start getting, and the guy left like we, that's right.

That's right. He walked away. He was just like, that's right. He walked away. He said yes to a stranger. And then he listened to this nonsense and just walked away. He was like, I want no part of these two. I guarantee it was more me.

It was probably more me. I probably got real angry. That's over nothing. I get angry over nothing. And dude, I sort of got one major shit happens. I don't flip out. No, no, you're some fucking huge happen. Like, ah, what the fuck are you going to do?

All right. How do we get out of this? But little shit makes it. No, dude, you're calm and cool with anything like you could be like, dude, did you hear about so and so do he's going to he's going to fuck and it'll be an awful tragedy and you'll be like, dude, that's bad. But you know, he could do this and he'll better it. He like, wow, Bill's real positive.

And then somebody would be like, dude, just last Star Wars movie. And you just like come back to life. Good fellas. Look at hilarious, dude. And it's one of my weaknesses. All that when we got water damage in the house, I flipped out about that. But may by the way, dude, your house is awesome. Generally speak, oh, thank you.

Clean house, clean house, because of the wife, because of the wife. So anyways, we got to sit here and we got to wrap this thing up here because I got the fucking I got to make some pies for you. Jackass is tomorrow. That's the fact that you do that, dude. Anyway, little individual pies. You can be throwing down with your fucking ice cream. You're going to be so fucking hammered at that point

that you're going to smoke a fucking cigar. Yeah, then you're going to then you got to go watch the game. That's the funny thing about it. That's the funniest thing is everybody's like Bartnick. He goes, ah, dude, I got to be honest, man. The worst part about the the day is going into the game. And I'm like, dude, I had, I had saved Bartnick's ass last year. They were going to throw him out because he just sat down.

So I don't know how. What did he do? Well, I don't know how you get separated. How you get separated from Joe Bartnick. He's such a big guy. We somehow lost him like he was a toddler. He's as big as a lineman, right? And he just went over and he just sat down and he was drunk

and he couldn't produce his ticket or I don't know what was going to just sort of and they were all nervous next year. It was like six of them standing around going like, how are we going to get this mountain of a man? He was hammered in public. He was sitting down. He like a lot of people are hammered in public when they're there, but they're walking to the bathroom or they're walking to your seat.

But the second you sit down and you look like you're going to pass out and look like a homeless guy, you know, he was in really rough shape. They thought he was. OK, they don't understand Joe. Yeah. Yeah. What do you know? I'm resting. I'm resting. Yeah. Here you're resting. Yeah, I'm resting. I've seen a display of Joe Bartnick where I'll know he'll never be down.

Well, he fucking never be. Oh, yeah. So they were about ready to kick him out. And that's when I had gave the famous now famous the teddy bear speech. He's a teddy bear. He's a guy. You guys. That's great. He just kept calling him a teddy bear and they fucking bought it.

And he was able to bring him back into the like to the seated area and sat him down. And I actually, I remember telling people that story last year and then other people used it later on in the week with text me going, yeah, my buddy, they were going to throw him out. I just can't. He's a teddy bear. He's a teddy bear. That's great. Teddy bear diffuses the situation. That's great. Oh, no.

Jase, Jase saved, but the thing people don't know. And if those security people knew Bartnick, Bartnick was like a member in Scarface when he was just getting shot and he was just going like that. And his arm was going back when he just kept shooting. Dude, I saw we were in, we were in Portland and a guy goes, dude, this is the strongest weed in the country. Like Snoop Dogg gets this weed. This is the weed, right?

And we're like, all right, dude, I took one, dude, I took one hit of this thing. And you know, I'm not a big weed. Bill, I was borderline not okay for like 50 minutes. Like I took one hit and I was like, I can't touch that again. Lawhead took three. He just had this look. Pray for me. Yeah. That's what you should have been praying for.

Dude, Bartnick smoked half of it with the other people. He just kept going around. He smoked and drank. He's just walking. He's just walking, swaying, dude. And he held it together, dude, animal, animal. He doesn't go down, dude. He won't go down.

Never went down. He won't go down. Jolamata. Oh, that's great. I got to speak to Jake Lomata. Rappaport did a whole podcast on Raging Bull. Oh, and he showed me the names of... I don't know if it came out yet, so I'm not going to, no spoiler alert here. He showed me the names of the people that are going to be on, just talking about why they love that movie.

If it's not out yet, look for it. If it is out, listen to it. It's what I'm going to do. Dude, you know what I listened to? I was driving out to go visit some family out here. And Nia put on this podcast of... They interviewed that guy that just walked off the base there, or the little area in Afghanistan, the American troop,

that just walked off and then got captured by the Taliban and was there for five years. They interviewed the guy, dude. I listened to like three of them. Well, I didn't even know about that. Yeah, because there's a big thing now, should they court martial him or should they just let him go? Because he did it on purpose.

He said that because the leadership was so fucked up over there, he was trying to create a situation where people above would listen. Because his plan was to walk out and then come back. And I don't know what was going on, but like... He was an American guy? Yeah. He just left the US base and started walking towards them? Yeah.

And they captured him? Yeah, well, he didn't think he was going to get caught. I'm such an idiot. I'm already forgetting so much of it, but all I just remember was at the end of it, like, this guy had like some sort of fucking... He didn't like where he was in life, and he had like a hero complex.

Oh, OK. And he was trying to, like, he was trying to have like a Hollywood movie moment. And he got his dumb ass caught. And then all these troops had to fucking go look for him and put themselves in the danger, as they were trying to get the American guy to Pakistan, because if they get him into Pakistan,

because we're not at war with them, we can't just roam all over the place and look for him. And these fucking guys for like three weeks straight, which is like, they could not rest. They had to... What a fucking dope. Exactly. And their fucking clothes were almost falling off

just from marching, just trying to find this guy. So some of them were saying, like, dude, I swear to God, if I found the guy, I would have shot him. And then the NPR lady's like, well, I don't understand that. It's like, how do you not understand that? Oh, fuck that guy. I wouldn't even left the base. I'd be like, fuck you.

I would have been screaming, man, I'm all he left. Yeah. I'm not coming. Yeah, fuck you. Yeah, you better find him before I do. Yeah, dude, fuck that guy. Because he doesn't like where he is in life. He puts a fucking risk of everybody else.

One of the guys said when they finally made the trade off, because we had to trade like guys from Guantanamo Bay to get the fucking guy back. And they were saying when the Apaches landed, this one guy was saying he wanted to be on the helicopter. And they were like, why? And he goes, because they were going to beat his ass. What a fucking dick, man.

And I don't understand, like, I don't think they literally would have shot him. But somebody's saying that, like, you better fuck, because I'm going to fucking shoot this guy. Dude, somebody would have punched him in the face and knocked him out. And be like, dude, you're putting your fucking soldiers in risk, you fucking dope.

Absolutely, dude. That's a fucking movie. What was his end game? What did he want to happen? He wanted to walk over there and come back. There was like, it wasn't just his guys. By the end, it was like an entire fucking platoon of people just walking around in Afghanistan for a month

trying to find this fucking guy. And they're all sitting there going, like, one of the guys was saying, he's trying to keep the morale up, making jokes and shit. And he goes, and in the end, he goes in the back of your head, you know it's all bullshit. And the MPR lady is like, why? Why is it all bullshit?

I always make fun of the NPR people, even though I love the station. That's ridiculous. He goes, because I knew it after a certain amount of days of guys in Pakistan. We just have to, we got to at least look for them. We have to do this level of force. Did the Taliban fuck them up?

Well, what was funny was because of the amount of people that were looking for him, they thought he was a really important guy. So I think that they went more towards trading the guy. I mean, I only listened to like two and a half of them, but it's really, I couldn't listen to the whole fucking thing because once it was like, once I found out the reason why he did it,

I was just like, dude, you're off. You're just fucking off. Yeah, and he's trying to come off like he's this guy who was really trying to do something noble. It's like, no dude, you have like some sort of hero fantasy. It's a selfish move, dude. Yeah, and you were gonna get in front of like the Brigadier, fucking General or whatever,

and they were gonna listen to you and be like, wow, this guy's making sense. You know, we're gonna change all of this. Yeah, I don't like, I was listening to it and I just, like the sickest thing was when he was talking about, like, dude, he gets like 20 minutes away from the base and realizes he makes this huge fucking mistake and he wants to fucking go back, but he got lost.

And then because he's so fucking terrified, his fucking ego kicks in again and he decides to go even further into the shit. Oh man. Do something like, I was just sitting there going like, Yeah, dude, like literally like your palms are sweating, but sort of, but you know, he's getting caught and you know that he made it.

So that took a little of the edge off, but it's just like, dude, like they literally skinned people alive out there. The fuck are you doing? Dude, they're cutting fucking fucking heads off, dude. Well, that's what they would, when they would do, what's funny is the Afghani people are on the podcast talking of some of the guys that found them,

not the Taliban guys, but they're funny going like, they're like, what do you see, Mike? They will laugh and they go, yeah, he seemed pretty scared. That was a funny thing. Listen to the Afghani, they just sound regular, you know what I mean? Cause they was making everybody up to be a fucking monster. Or they was right.

Yeah, he seemed scared. So at one point they wanted, because they couldn't speak English and he couldn't speak that. They were trying to make him feel like, don't worry, we're not going to kill you at this, you know? So there was some sort of dance that they did. And he goes,

Yeah, that's what he said. I would think it was like a sacrifice. Exactly. Yeah, we're going to kill this guy. So they, so they said, did that calm him down? And the Afghani guy left. He goes, nah, man, it made him more nervous. Oh, good dude.

I would think that's like some sacrificial, like that's like, they're ready to kill you. No, it was fucking funny. But what the thing about it is though, what I liked, the thing that I enjoyed most about the podcast was listening to somebody on the other, or just a townsperson over there, just sounding regular and cool.

Because the way they make it, this is the stories you hear over there. When I picture Afghanistan, I just picture a barren wasteland. And if you walk anywhere there, somebody is going to jump out from behind a rock and saw your head off as you're alive. Yeah.

I think of, I think of it. While lighting the other party on Fairfoot, Turban going, we will get, yeah. Like that's what you think. Yeah. And then you listen to this guy going, yeah, we did this. Did it just comment that?

He's like, nah, made him more nervous. You're listening. I fucking hang out with this guy. That's so anyways. All right. That's the Thursday afternoon podcast. Dude, I'm psyched you're out here. Another great year.

A bunch of great shows. So we're going to do two tonight, downtown LA fucking Rogan's at the, the Wiltern. Yeah. A lot of comedy here tonight. I can't believe enough people showed up for ours to make it good shows here,

you know, with Rogan. Rogan's a fucking monster. You ever seen him live? Long time ago. Oh, unbelievable. So huge, like influence when I first saw him as far as like, like there was such like a glass ceiling. To headlining in Boston where it was just like,

you just, they had, they had the legends and they weren't leaving and they were fucking hilarious. So there was only, so you had, and he was the guy that like, like I learned like you got to leave to come back and headline because if you stay here, it's literally, you got to wait for people to die. It's like getting fucking season tickets to the Packers.

It's like, it's not happening, man. I got to go move to where Jacksonville, I'll get 50 yard line seats. That's kind of actually cool that Boston like, doesn't let those guys die out. A lot of places let those guys die out and they turn into dinosaurs and it's almost like a sad thing.

Well, the thing is they didn't stop writing. So they just kept going and going and going and going. So you got the both things like Rogan, I learned you had to leave and then come back. And then with those legendary guys in Boston, I learned that you got to keep writing. Cause some kept writing, some didn't. And the ones that didn't, they act suffers,

but the ones who kept writing, it's that, yeah, you stay like contemporary. So anyways, I'm going to babble here. So I got, I got pies to make. I have pies to make. All right. Happy new year to everybody. Thank you.

Thanks for having me, man. Happy new year. Absolutely. Thanks for coming out on the road with me again this year. And thank you to everybody listening. Everybody came up to the shows. Everybody's been watching efforts for family and telling people about it.

It's doing great. Great show. It's doing great. Congratulations on that, by the way. It's fucking awesome. Oh, thank you. Thank you. So please, you know, keep telling people about the show

and I will talk to you guys on Monday. Happy new year. Go fuck your shells. Verzi's got me addicted to Florentine's podcast. And now Verzi does like, he does a pretty good Florentine. The Florentine is the funniest motherfucker ever to just. Florentine complain about anything.

Oh my God. That robot, that robot. You're fucking kidding me. Garbage. Fucking joke. Fucking Fox News robot. Fucking. You got that right, robot.

The way it goes like up. Already like drags the word out. It's fucking half time. It's fucking. That's really good, man. It's fucking funny, man. Listen to that guy complain. Really?

Really? Like we never seen a beautiful woman before. Fucking bad, but like commercial. It's fucking ridiculous. All right. What do we got here? This is, okay, sunglasses. There's some really, some weird ones this week.

People like, this guy says, hey Bill, I need my listeners sending me questions and shit, and I read it just to let you know. Billiam, I need to ask you a very important question. My wife makes fun of my choice of sunglasses. She thinks they're not hip enough. I told her I was wearing brown tinted sunburst aviators since college before the whole aviator hype.

Is there aviator hype? I don't even remember. Top Gun came out. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Back then those people who. In 1980s. Yeah, who wanted to be like Tom Cruise. You know my neighbor when I was growing up?

Any movie that Tom Cruise was in, he got into that. Like whatever it was, like Top Gun, he joined like the fucking. No. No, he joined like the Air Force Reserves. No. The alligator armed it. He joined that and then.

Days of thunder, he started racing cars. No, cocktail, he became like a bartender. His rich dad got him out of the fucking reserves. Yeah, he started getting into that. What else did he do? There was like three things. So it kind of became this running joke. Like whatever fucking Tom Cruise movie was coming out.

And then eventually he moved out to LA. Finally, just, well, why don't I just be a fucking actor? You know, son off to actually join the fucking Air Force. Don't know whatever happened to him. So anyway, aviator glasses, which were, yeah, the Tom Cruise fan slash date rapist. Remember that fucking kid I was talking about him? Do you remember that kid who he had the rough sex

with the girl in Central Park and she died? No. You're too young for that. Yeah, this guy. What? Yeah, this fucking psycho. No, he killed her. He tried to say that she wanted rough sex.

It was consensual. And I don't know what, he accidentally killed her or whatever. That puts a whole other meaning to the word killing it. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ, Paul. How you doing with the ladies? Oh, yeah. I'm killing it.

Crushed it. Fucking crushed it. So anyways, dude, that's fucking brutal. So anyway, but this guy, you know what? It actually made me mad when he got out of prison. Not only that, that he got out of, on two levels of maybe mad. First of all, the guy got out of prison,

but the idiots on the news going off on the guy were saying, because when he got out, he wasn't on parole because he did all his time because he didn't get time off for good behavior because they were just like, you know, he had fights in prison. He was selling drugs and blah, blah, blah. It's like, yeah, all that that says in there

is he didn't get raped. He did what he had to do in there to survive. So on some level, you have to respect that because that's the big fear as a guy. Did he rape the girl or it was just rough sex? I don't know what he did. I don't know what happened. That's such a big difference though.

Well, I don't know if he went like Ron Artest, like it was going good and he was excited and then he fucking elbowed it. Why are we joking about this? He just sunk and then fucking started pounding his chest. And then they didn't show the replay because it was a home game. No, he fucking, I don't know.

So how long did he do? They let him out of jail. Yeah, he did like all 15 or 16 years because they couldn't get him on murder because he said it was like, I know like on rape trials, like they always do like the hardest thing to get him on is when they say it was consensual.

So then all DNA is out the fucking window. Then you have to like, it's still worse fucking thing. If somebody does that to a woman, they should be, honestly, they should have like a flamethrower and they should just have it pointed at the defendant. And Jerry, would you like to read the verdicts?

On the count of rape, we find him guilty in the first degree, just light him on fire right in front of the family. Yeah, yeah. Right in front of the family. That's how I would run it. The same thing with child molesters. Oh, that's the worst.

Child molesters, that's it. Child molested, I would actually have them get chased by rabid dogs first and then. Dude, this Sandusky guy should get fucking, this Sandusky guy should get fucking drawn and quartered in the courtroom. Just put his fucking body parts in a bag. He should be underneath an oil tanker

and then they should drive it to fucking, is that a, do you drive a boat? Drive it to like fucking. Man, that's walking this earth. That's what I would do with that guy. What I would do with that guy, well, I would go into shark infested waters and I would give him a bunch of paper cuts

and I'd tie him to the front of a boat. Oh my God. I never heard of like that. Well, that's a good one, man. Well, Paul, you gotta understand, when you do something like that to somebody, you didn't just, you ended that kid's life and then you affected generations of people

because who they're gonna marry, how they're gonna treat the person they marry, how they're gonna treat their kids and then the treatment of the kids, how they're gonna act in society. It just, it creates, it's like that little Confucius thing when you drop the pebble in the still pond and the ripples just go like that.

See, you got a little poetic on you. It's like that, no. See, that's what I say. Tie him to the front of a boat, paper cuts, shark infested waters. And that's it. And you know what's funny? And this is the thing about it.

That's funny. That'd be awesome. And it still won't stop him. It still won't stop him from happening but you should just start weeding him out. That's a sickness, man, from young, that's fucking crazy, man. That's just a, and it ruins the lives of everybody.

But the kid forever. Yeah, it's over. Why are you saying what I just said, Paul? Oh, did you say that? Yeah, you won't even listen. A typical comedian. No, no, no. You were thinking about what you were gonna say.

No, I was thinking about. That's literally exactly what I just said. No, I was thinking about the being, I was thinking about him actually like hitting the thing like a buoy. Oh, that's right. You got that weird fucking shit where you every once in a while,

you think about doing crazy stuff, right? Yeah. I was getting nervous about admitting this type of stuff. Someday, if you're like on trial, like, you know, I'm gonna get put in contempt of court cause I'd still never rat you out. But it'd be like, we talking about,

you guys talked about this on the podcast. But a kid of me, it was a joke. Oh, we didn't ask the fucking guys question here. We were talking about aviaries. He said, what's the breakdown of douchey sunglasses versus acceptable ones? What kind of sunglasses do you wear? And does Nia have any say in the matter?

I imagine you wear very non-threatening, low profile shades. I can't tell if that's an insult or if he's, sounds like an insult, right? No, I don't think it's an insult. I think this guy genuinely wants to know what he could wear to make his girl stop trashing him. Well, this is what you have to do.

First of all, depending on where you are in your relationship is if you feel secure in your relationship, maybe she's just doing you a solid and telling you that you look like a douche. But if she's always telling you everything, what to do, then you have to continue wearing those glasses and you have to wear them over to her mother's house. Defiance.

Yes, and wear them into the house and don't take them off when her mom's talking to you. That's like a buddy of mine, right? Dude, women though, women just, I just want me to say something real quick. Oh God, more women trashing. I was hoping it was going to be nice though. No, it's just like, could you,

like a guy's really thinking about it. And this happens all the time. This guy's got a genuine concern here. But like, I've heard of guys going, yeah, my girl just looked over at me and looked at that shirt and goes, ugh, it's such a turn off, take it off. And I want to be, it's in my mind, I'm just like,

I want to be like, dude, shut the fuck, are you out of your mind? Yeah, but those guys deserve it. They fucking deserve it, Paul. If you let the woman in your life talk to you like that, they fucking deserve it. The same way a woman deserves it. If that guy is a fucking asshole,

minus them beating the shit out of you. But I got to, yeah, minus them beating the shit out of you. Like, if they beat you up, then that's just complete bullshit. But if they're walking around being a fucking asshole, disrespecting you, that's on you, okay? Break up with them.

What if the guy says to her, shut up. You know, I'm wearing this shirt, shut up. Yeah. Is he a dick? No. Right. But then it's like, oh my God, don't talk. That's a total turn off to disgust me, take that off. Just flip it around. What if you ever said that to your girl?

Yeah, exactly. That's disgusting, makes you look fat. Come on, you'd never do that. Even if you said that disgust me, that would be it. Listen, here's my answer to your- They would pout through the fucking dessert that night at the meal. Well, here's my answer to your listeners' question here.

If you like them, dude, and you look in the mirror and you go, you know something, I like the glare, I like if it's orange tint or whatever, you like it, fucking wear it. Paul, you know something? That's why you and your wife are so comfortable to hang around. Because how many times you guys tell each other,

go fuck yourself, you say, go fuck yourself, right? You do that, right? Like, no, we'll just be like, oh, you know something, shut up. Yeah, shut up. Not in a, but right in a loving way, like a... Yeah, but you have to keep, you gotta keep them off you. The same way she has to keep you off her, you know,

she didn't keep you in check, you'd go fucking nine times a week. Right, no, no, absolutely. There's a fine line in what's like, you know, yes, exactly. Dude, I had a buddy of mine, right? He fucking, we went fishing, right? We were done fishing, you know,

we drank a bunch of booze or whatever, and we were smoking cigars and his wife pulls up, and you know, they told their kid about the dangers of smoking, right? So the kid starts fucking crying, and blah, and there's all this big fucking thing. And the kid, the guy was literally in the doghouse. And I guess maybe because the kid was crying,

I kind of saw her point, but he's one of those fucking guys. I wanted to say to him like, dude, you know what really helped your relationship? Next time you drop your kid off in the car, take out a big fat fucking Cuban and just light it up. And again, what are you doing? I'm smoking a cigar because I enjoy it.

When I come home, I'm gonna watch a game. And I'm smoking this fucking cigar. And when she says why, you say, because you can go fuck yourself. And I'm telling you, it's a little blunt. You can round off the edges. Yeah, you might not wanna say you could go fuck yourself. But I'm just saying, that would help your relationship.

It's like that movie, remember the movie there with Kevin Spacey when she comes home? What is that in the driveway? He's like, that is a 1969 Firebird. And he just, I went out and bought it because I wanted it. Go fuck yourself. And you saw the look on her face.

There was a shift for the better in that relationship. But doesn't he die in the end? Doesn't he get killed? Oh, I don't know. What was that? That was a weird one. He wanted to fuck that 12-year-old. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Fuck that movie. Sitting there with rose petals falling all over him. So we're saying, you know what? You wear the goddamn sunglasses. You want to, sir. That's right. I'd rather watch movie stars get bad. I'd rather hang off the flag and be done with it.

I'd rather keep the fire and the frenzy out of my mind. I'd rather take sides in an argument. I'd rather quank off the base in a dark basement. I'd rather leave the moms and murder in a distant land. Let the sun shine in. Let the sun shine in. The sun shine in. Five boats of bed in a football pool.

Five on the red, six on the blue. Wake up full. There's no time for a shouting match. I smell blood and there's no blood around. Blanked out eyes and a blanked out sound. I see them coming back. Emotionless in an airport lounge. Let the sun shine in.

Let the sun shine in. The sun shine in. You should be getting stoned with a prom dressed girl. You should still believe in an endless world. You should laugh young, cheesy with your friends in a parking lot. Let the sun shine in. Let the sun shine in. The sun shine in.

Let the sun shine in. Let the sun shine in. The sun shine in. Let the sun shine in. Let the sun shine in. The sun shine in. Let the sun shine in. Let the sun shine in.

The sun shine in. Let the sun shine in. Let the sun shine in. The sun shine in. The sun shine in.