Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-6-19

Episode Date: December 7, 2019

Bill rambles with the Lovely Nia, Justin Long, and Sam Rockwell.Subscribe to Justin’s podcast Life is Short wherever you get your podcasts. http://wondery.fm/lifeisshortpodcast

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You know, usually I don't have any guests, but every once in a while I have a special one. I actually have three guests with me. We actually, everybody here is on F is for family. We got the lovely Nia. Thank you. Hello. Yes. Hello. Thank you so much. We got Sam Rockwell and we got Justin Lawn. There's no reason to applaud why this is going to be too positive already. I just applauded myself. You should have. And it's pronounced Nia, Bill. Nia. Sorry. No, it's Mia. Nia. All right. Well, here we are, everybody. So what brings you guys out here? I heard you two guys do a little bit of acting work. I've been known to. I tread the board from time to time. That's where I met this one. Yeah, we actually did meet doing a play. No, we met doing a movie. We met doing a movie and then we did a play together in Williamstown.

But you're promoting a movie. I'm promoting a movie. We elevated our relationship status from acquaintance to friends over the course of that play. Yes, we did. We lived in the same, we lived in sort of a dorm. It was called, it was a Lanford Wilson play called The Hado Baltimore. You know who I'm Nia? I know who Lanford Wilson is, but I'm not familiar with that play. It was about a decrepit old hotel and Sam played the manager of the hotel and there were all these prostitutes and different colorful characters. Who played my part? Judd Hirsch. Judd Hirsch from Taxi. Yeah, played my part. Oh, wow. Because everybody wants to know, like, you know, when you do a play. You were very good. When you do a play and you got to do the same thing every single night. You get bored sometimes. You do that in stand-up. You got to, like, entertain yourself. Yeah. No, I get sick of my act. Yeah, and then I mess around.

But the thing is, every night I don't have to do the same joke. I could be like, I don't want to do that joke. Like you, when I saw you in that play where you had your little rope there in the last show, you came out with your little cowboy outfit on. With the girl with the schmada, the girl with the schmada and the kid with the rope. A little cowboy hat there. This was off-broadway. One of the last peep shows out there. I'm a curious person. It was a non-for-profit. He went by the name Buck Wild. No, but, like, you have to do that every fucking... You were telling me that if you missed when you threw it on the bed post, right?

Yeah, yeah, and then I used to lasso Nina, too. And then she got sick of that. I think she was very patient. You worked on that, I remember, a long time. I remember... Yeah, it was about a year. I went with a few Wranglers. Because I'd done a couple of Westerns and this guy Cliff McLaughlin taught me. He really got me into it. I've never known anyone that knows how to lasso anything. Yeah, I've never met a lassoist. I do now.

Right, right, but other than that, you can add that to your special skills on your resume. That's right. When you update it. It's all one rope. It's a loose knot. And then you get something, you pull it and then it comes tight, just like your shoelaces. Basically, yeah, it's a tight, it's a much firmer rope than the Roy Rogers thing. That's a different kind of thing. What was that? That's a looser rope. Like you saw in that movie, that Coen Brother movie, that's like a wrist thing.

This is like, this is a man rope. But it was also, wasn't roping? That's right, it's a man rope. But Ed Harris did it originally. Doesn't that silly thing that Roy Rogers did? That little In-N-Out Burger Roy Rogers restaurant bullshit. Yee-haw! Yeah.

But the first time we did the play, Sam Shepard said, I was terrible and he said, I did it for him. He said, yeah, maybe you're a bull rider. I was like, oh, okay, so it's not going well. Apparently Ed Harris was really good at it. And he did the original play? He did the original. And so I had nightmares about Ed Harris coming to see the show and he finally did come. Oh, he did.

And thank God, I, you know, I caught everything. Because the last one. Ed Harris in State of Grace is one of my favorites. Amazing. Good. Yeah. Everyone's, John C. Riley's great enough. Everybody's great.

Oh my God. I don't wreck the movie for people. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. What happens to his character? Yeah, yeah. I've never seen this movie. It's a great movie.

It's a great movie. Sean Penn and Stereo. Yeah, I mean, that's like, I'm sure Bill and I had fantasied about playing Westies, you know. That's one of the few books I read more than once. Other than kid books to my daughter. Yeah. I read the Westies. I still have that book.

You could be a Westie. You could play a Westie in a second. I could play one. I could never be one. Those guys were fucking lunatics. Let's clarify. You could be a Westie. I just love in Hell's Kitchen now, where all of them grew up, is they have, there's

a bar there called Mickey Spelains. And Mickey Spelains was, I believe, the gangster that ran Hell's Kitchen before the Westies came along. They rubbed him out or somebody hit him and then they took over. So Mickey Spelains is now a bar there. And what's happened is as that neighbor changed over, is gay people moved. It's now become a gay bar. Yeah.

Yeah. Hilarious. Should we go to Mickey? Let's go to Mickey Spelains. He would love that. I'm sure he would have loved that. The actual Mickey Spelains. That's like on 44th Street or something, or 34th Street around there?

Yeah, it's in the 40s. Something like that. I was, a buddy of mine lived over there, so I was going down the street. And I read the book a zillion times. Mickey Spelains. I know what that is. I've been to Hell's Kitchen. I've read all this stuff and then I see the big, you know, multicolored flag there.

And I was like, that's fucking awesome. Yeah. The gangster flag. Yeah. Come down to John Wayne. It's the dukes. Get your chaps out. John Dillinger's.

Yeah. I just love, yeah. Like some manly gangster. Yeah. And now it's just. It's great payback for them. It is. Testosterone.

Yeah. Testosterone Overlook, you know? That movie was incredible. I remember Gary Oldman, he blew me away. But it got buried because I think it came out like the weekend Goodfellas came out. Yeah, I think you're right. Or the weekend after. There were a couple of those, like Miller's Crossing.

Nineteen. Goodfellas, Santa Grace around the same time. Looking to your heart. Yeah. Is that Miller's Crossing? I don't know. Is that Miller's Crossing? Which is the one with John Turturro.

That's Miller's Crossing. He takes them out of the woods. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. That was like a big, like acting thing. Like one of those, like, there was a couple of scenes, like. Oh, was everyone doing them in classes? And that sort of thing?

Well, it was just one of those things you remember, like, one of those scenes. I remember, like, everybody was talking about it. Yeah. Have you ever been begging for his life? Wait, I should know this. You've worked with it. You've not worked with the Coen brothers. How's that?

No. No, never. Hey, Coen's, if you're listening. Joel Ethan. Hey Joel, Ethan. Get on the wire. You studied acting, right? I did.

I did. I studied acting. I remember it was so long ago. Oh my God, why can't I think of it? I'll think of it in a second. But her name was Debra. And she did it. Debra.

It was a place that you guys would know. I can't believe I'm liking it. I'm going to remember after this. Was it a specific technique or anything like that? No, it was, yeah. I think it was Meisner. It was at like a theater in Manhattan. Yeah.

And she had like a big artist retreat in upstate New York. We went to these, like, sort of like farm cabins and didn't have our phones. We just immersed ourselves in the work. And it was amazing. She's actually a really good actress. She's good. I just, it was telling me that. Yeah.

You were saying that about me? Yeah. Justin. I heard it on a podcast. Thank you. That's very sweet. Yeah. But on all the projects you guys have done, you've got to say F is for family.

It's really. F is for family. It's really the one that we're all in together. All the filthy animation that you guys have ever done. You've got to admit you have to have a special place in your heart. I just told my mother that I was like, well, I'm doing a thing with Sam on Bill's podcast. And she said, F is for family. And she said, Sam's on that?

And she all of a sudden got really excited, really interested in F is for family. Thanks, mom. I don't think she's seen it yet. She's like, oh, it's legitimate. Sam Rockwell's on it. And I was like, yeah, and Lorna Dern is my mother. You've got to start watching this. Yeah.

And get a burrs in it. No, I want to have more. I pitched a thing for Mike. I told him, I said, what if he gets taken to like a Scientology kind of place. And then I love that already. And then Laura and I have some reason you get kidnapped or something happens and Laura and I have to go in and because I wanted to work with Laura. And then we have to save you.

You guys both get captured. I don't know. Maybe it's we get round off some of those edges, but I got a little sci-fi there. You get anal. There was another. There was another idea. There was something else in there. I forgot.

It was, it was more. We develop a technique to board at the center of the earth. And it was more better. What you guys are doing right now looks like half of my pitch meetings. It starts off exciting and then just kind of veers into like, isn't it great to register the when they check out when the executive, when you're pitching and the smile becomes like all the authenticity fades away. It's hard, man.

I did. That's hard. You can see them kind of drifting off and thinking about lunch. Yeah. You're like, oh, I lost him. I lost him. There's a great scene in Annie Hall where this guy, this host of the show is pitching ideas to Woody Allen to write.

He's like, you know, I want to come out and do this little number. And Woody Allen's just staring at him with his smile, with his frozen smile. And his internal model is, I don't know how much longer I can keep this smile plastered on my face. I remember that. So good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh.

We watched a bunch of Woody Allen movies when we met in that door. Remember, we watched that like Zeleg and all that. Oh, yeah. At Williamstown. So, Nia, what you were talking about kind of sounds a little bit like the theater, the play that we did at Williamstown. And we, yeah, we were looking for, it was right next to a town called North Adams, which come to find out, it used to be, I don't know if it still is, and we should probably cut

this either way. It was at one point the incest capital of the world, of the country. Oh, okay. Yeah. Did you know that? Every town needs an attraction to get to North Adams. And I remember when we had to. You're going to do it.

You've got to be number one. We went to a video store there to look for Woody Allen movies. Your cousin, your brother, it's fine. And they were like, Woody Allen. And they said, well, we got, this is the comedy section. We went to the comedy section. Remember that there was a huge section of douce bigelow male jiggalows, and they were all taken out.

They were all checked out. We couldn't find any Woody Allen movies there in the incest case. That's one of my favorite. One of my favorite scenes is when, when, uh, douce is upside down and he can't get out of that thing. So he swings and he reaches and he grabs the fish tank. Oh, yeah. He just pulls the whole thing down.

Oh my God. I killed it. Yeah. Was that the second one? I think that one. I used bigelow male jiggalow. Yeah. Colin male jiggalow.

Are those, I got to check those out. Wait a minute. Have I seen those? Those are great. Yeah. They're great. The fish tanker gets like a bad rep, but I think he's always so committed and cares. He's fucking hilarious.

No, he makes shit better. We, yeah. You know, it would be fun to actually record with you now that we're together in the scene. That would be, it would be, it would be. When are you guys going to do a movie again or something? People want to see you guys. You're both fun guys. You're both a couple of lookers.

I mean, I'm seeing a buddy movie right here. Nia, let's, let's, let's pitch something. I love it. Yeah, let's. We're doing it. Let's come up. You are? Yeah.

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't tell me. I'm, I'm, I'm. I'm only, I was only an episode. Darth Vader shows. No, no, no, no, no. Shows his dick. Oh, that I heard. It's a second episode.

It's a baby Yoda. No. Is it a flesh dick? Is it a cyborg? You'll have to check it out and see. Hey, I got a question about your standup. How do you, uh, protect your voice? Uh, throat coat.

Uh. Throat coat. And then I try to, I try to yell down here. Well, that's smart. I gotta blow a couple of guys. Get that protein down here. That helps. That always helps.

Get a shot at Mickey Spelains. Yeah. Like I want to. A shot at Mickey Spelains. They need to use that. You have some diaphragm. Come get a shot at Mickey Spelains. I've definitely done, I've definitely done damage.

I used to imitate how my dad coughs. I can't even do it anymore. Yeah. Cause my dad would do this cough and then, you know that noise when you're drawing air in? Yeah. Sort of vocal fry. Yeah.

He'd go. I sounded like an old car starting up and then he'd do the last one. He was like. And then he'd let it go. And then bit used to crush. Uh huh. And after I did it, and there's also this is back when people smoked in clubs and stuff. Oh yeah.

So I don't know what happened. It just was not good for the voice. And I was doing a bunch of shows and I did that bit for like six months and I can't do it anymore. So you really, you really breathed into the diaphragm because you were really belting it out there. Well, I went and I actually believe it or not, I went to learn how to do it because I used to be all up in my throat and my throat was killing me.

So I actually went to this guy's house in Boston. This sounds like it's going bad. He was like, he was, I don't know, like 8,000 years old and just one of those places like you walk in and you smell you're like, this guy's going to die soon. There's a fucking grandfather clock and shit and he was just going, he just gave me singing lessons. It's like, I can't sing. He goes, he was like, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. You need, and I was embarrassed as shit. And then I just kind of pushed through it and then like, there's, but there's a weird thing though, if I am up here in my throat, the only way I can go back down, I can't do it mid sentence. I just have to plow through that, whatever I'm saying up here and then kind of let go. And now I really want to hear it. It depends on what time of day to, you know, or if you dehydrated in the morning.

Yeah, that's another thing too. So cigar things, if I, you know, I try to limit, although I haven't this past month, I try to limit my cigar smoking. And if I'm going to do it, I never do it before a show. Yeah. That's not true. I did it last month. But I try not to do it.

I just smoked like a nub. Oh, Sammy, you didn't. You didn't. Toronto, baby. Contraband. Oh, wow. What? What did you do?

Toronto. If these are Nicaraguans, I'm going to fucking throw them at you. What, Nicaraguans are no good? What? No, they're delicious, but if you can actually get to Toronto. These are, these are, I just tried these. These are different. I haven't, I just tried those.

I'm a dilettante smoker, obviously, you know that. What does that mean? You know, like a bullshit cigar smoker. Yeah, he's not really fully committed. He's not really fully committed to it. He doesn't. Does he inhale? No.

He says he doesn't. You're not supposed to. Yeah. Well, I got some here. I got some here. Look at those. Oh, wow. Look at those shorties.

What kind is that, man? Wait, do you smoke cigars? I don't. But my dad does, and I love the smell of it. You do? You like the smell of it? Yeah. These are shorty fatties.

Shorty fatties. Shorty fatties. Bill, I got you some cigars. I thought you'd like them. I know you like to smoke. Don't inhale. Wow, are these for me? Fucking hell.

There you go. I got one for everybody. Where are these from? I got these right up the street. And what do we have on Bill's Christmas party? On Lancashire. That sounds good. Well, then just leave them with me and I'll stick them in my huma door.

Yeah, keep them nice and preserves. Wait, do you? Nia, you do a good Bill impression. Should I do that? She can't do it on the spot. Here's a thing. I'll take one. I've heard it, Effie.

Where I feel comfortable doing some impressions. But others, I really have to be in the moment. We don't want to tell you something about it. Sorry about that. No, this guy told me this whole fucking story about Fidel Castro with this one. I don't know. There's a story behind this particular... He had a long, skinny dick.

And that's what drove him to achieve. That's exactly right. He was like a... That's exactly right. He was a three-gauge. But there's some story about this particular size koiba that Fidel... I don't know. You should ask Yule.

Yeah, maybe Yule would know. All right, good deal. There you go. All right, so we did that. That portion of the podcast is over. Do you... You were talking about Bill and, you know, his protecting his voice. Do you guys do vocal exercises, warm-ups anymore?

Are you more... We have a lot of plays, right? You've done vocal... Before plays? Before movies? TV, though? You know, it's funny, you should say that. Because you have a mic.

Sometimes in a movie, you underestimate how much screaming you might do. You kind of take it for granted. But sometimes... Yeah, I have lost my voice in a movie. I used to have a voice coach to do those with on... This is going to sound ridiculous on Alvin and the Chipmunks. Because I did so much... I pitched my voice up a little bit and it was just a lot on my voice.

How did you... But don't they do that technically? Oh, they do that, for sure. But everything had to be... There was dips and dives that had to be really modulated. Yeah. And so we did all these really embarrassing exercises before. Well, what's this for?

Had Dave Chappelle when he used to do the... Was it Clinton Bigsby? No, the Crackhead. Oh, Tyrone Bigsby. Tyrone Bigsby. Yeah, he heard his voice doing that. Oh, no kidding. Yeah, because he was in such a high register.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, y'all got me a bit like really high. Yeah, that makes sense. It does make sense. I'm just picturing all construction workers listening to this who just shot a fucking nail through their Timberlin. This is the... It's really difficult to do falsetto on a Chipmunks special. In episode.

Let's say it's challenging. Let's say it's difficult. Just challenge it. Challenging it. Okay, so people are really getting a masterclass if they're listening to it. Not by me, I'm just... Alvin and the Chipmunks. Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Christopher Walken Impressions. I mean, for free. Yeah, your audience might be tuning out at this point. They wouldn't dare. Don't you dare turn off this fucking podcast. Thank you. Are you kidding me? You're sitting here adjusting along in Sam Rockwell.

Like, get it together. I heard you. Sorry. I thought you were talking to me. Show some fucking respect. But she was looking at me to make me really nervous. Did you hear their podcast about Times Square? I love that.

Yes, yes. That's what you guys got in a fight about the M&M store. That was fun. We fight all the time. You fought the other night. We were watching Wheel of Fortune, which is something we do. What did we fight about Wheel of Fortune? Wheel of Fortune always gives out these fucking awful gifts.

Yeah. Like, back in the day when you had the whole thing, it would be like, alright, you got this whole litany of shit you can bid on. It was the worst shit ever. It's like, alright, for $700, I'll take the brass bed frame. It was always a brass bed frame. I thought it was like an exotic thing. Jet skis.

$80. I'll take a cuckoo clock and then I'll put the rest on like a gift certificate. So they always had bad fucking gifts. So the other night, somebody solved some fucking impossible puzzle. Impossible to me anyways, right? And then the gift was like... A shopping spree. Shopping spree.

That's what it said on the wheel. When you pick it up and they show it, it said shopping spree. So you're like, ooh, they're getting a shopping spree. How exciting. Dick Sporting Goods. So I'm like, what the fuck, Dick Sporting Goods. And she's, me is like, what the fuck? She goes, ah, whatever.

If I was on the show, I'd just give that to you. I'm just like, fuck you. I can go to Dick's on my own. First of all, most of Dick's are not even going to use... It's a shopping spree at Dick's. It's tense in fucking bass boats and weaponry. I'm not using any of that shit. Oh, this is not the Dick's in Hell's Kitchen.

This is the Mickey's Play Outpost of Dick's. And then all the Nike shit is the shit that they're not going to have at their flagship store that nobody likes. It's like the dad fucking tracks you. He wears the Nike shirts to the ones that are like... I like Adidas. What's the difference?

They're moisture wicking or whatever. So they keep you cool during the workouts and he loves them, long sleep and short. Where'd you learn to stir moisture wicking? Oh, it is okay. And so I was like, oh, well, if I won that shopping spree, I'd give it all to Bill because he could get his t-shirts and he was so offended.

It's a weird thing to be offended. Oh, over it. How fucking cheesy and awful it was. And she goes, oh, I just give it to you. That's actually true. But it's cheesy and awful for her. And then I said, oh, but if I got it, I'd give it to you. So I can see where it would look bad

like I'm giving you the bad gift. Like if they had a gift served to Filene's Basement, they're like, I just give it to you. Filene's Basement doesn't exist anymore. Aversion of that. That's how you know you're old and from Boston. You got a gift certificate to Leechmere. I would be like, all right.

Given to Tenea. To Macy's. But wouldn't you, would you be offended by that? If I got a shopping spree to Dix, I'd find something. Sure, exactly. I'd be positive. I'm a real Neapology.

I know I love you. No, that's not what happened. This is not within your realm of things that you would be familiar with, Sam. I just don't feel like... No, no, I've been there. Did you have to buy a scoop of soup for an audition? No, I got some weights for my dad.

I got some five-pound weights or eight-pound weights for my dad. Okay. By the way, Dix is going to love this. What can't you get at Dix? If I came home from a game show and I told my wife, well, I got her something and it was a shopping spree at Dix Sporting Good.

Or something that she vaguely appreciated. Wouldn't you vaguely appreciate it, Dix? Vaguely, at least. Yeah, there's something at Dix you forgot. I don't give a fuck about Dix. It says she shit all over it with me. She shit all over it with me. And then she just goes, I just give it to you.

Well, let me ask you, if you're eating something and you don't really like it, do you offer it to her? You say, ah, this is not up my alley, but maybe you'll like it. I'm offended by that. I don't like when people do that. My mom used to do that all the time.

I don't think she's on everything that I'm eating anyway. I really am that person. And then before she takes the fight, she looks for the gooeyest, most tastiest part of it. It's a sandwich. Giant St. Bernard bite out of the fucking sandwich.

Yeah. And tries to cue the way out. I don't just bite it. I am looking for it. Yeah, you study it. You know when you get toward the middle of the sandwich and you find it perfectly, you're looking for every element.

Not like the pickle slid out, so you miss the pickle in that bite. By the time she does it, I get it back, the sandwich is like room temperature and all the tasting shit is gone. Did I say you minted a bar? Did you say you minted a bar? No.

What'd you guys mean? You went on a date. Yes, our first date was a bar. I closed the deal. We met at the Apollo Theater. He was performing. My dad was booking the comics for the show.

Bill was the Sandman. He was the Sandman. It was the summer of 2000. It was after I graduated from college. August of 2000. He remembers. He was like, oh yeah, I just booked this funny white boy from Boston.

I was like, oh, okay, cool. We met backstage in his space where he was getting prepared. Someone was getting booed. I remember when I met you, I could hear somebody getting booed. Really? I want to know why you were getting booed. No, somebody else was. He was about to go on.

Somebody else was getting booed. I don't know who it was, but so we did a quick little hi and I remember thinking like, hmm, it's not a bad looking guy. And then I just kind of moved on with my life. We didn't meet again until years later. Oh, no kidding.

At Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. I was working on that show. At Tough Crowd. He was a guest on Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. Did you remember me when you saw me? Yeah, I didn't think so. Did I jog your memory? You didn't remember me either.

I did remember you. I was like, I didn't know him. It's been a long time. I don't know, I just remember I went there and I started hitting on her and she was complete. No, no. It was back when you could hit on a broad at work. Wasn't professional.

You could kill two birds with one stone and still catch the gate. I feel so bad for guys that can't hit on chicks where they work. How do you meet anybody? How do you meet anybody? I don't know. I guess you don't like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.

Is that how they met? She was reading lines with them and he just leaped across the table. I'm kidding. They landed in that wet cement outside the fucking Chinese restaurant up there, right? What? Man, Chinese theater.

What are you talking about? This is a fun fact about Bill. I think we've talked about this on the podcast. Bill has a very hard time. He knows what he's trying to say. He doesn't know the names of things. He's here. You will give all these weird context clues

about what it is and it's up to you to figure out what he's talking about. We've talked about this on the podcast. Yeah, but you figure it out. You guys are fucking adorable. I just want to say that right now. Really? I can say it.

It's okay. Take it in. Better than what I usually get. Anyway, you'll say something like what did you say? What did you say to the vampire? The last days of Dracula. I just had to figure it out. The last days of Dracula.

I was like, what? The good, the bad and the blood sucking. Yeah, the one with the two good looking guys. They're fucking vampires. There's a little girl. And they kiss him. I know that's not the name, but I'm trying to get it in the area.

You read Bill. You speak Bill's language. Yeah. I'm the best goddamn thing that ever happened. It is her fucking job to act like it isn't. It's my honor and privilege. Well, you're very good at it. Thank you.

We've been together like 16 years, right? Yeah. It's been a long time. I'll tell you, there's a lot of sunny days but clouds rule in every once in a while. Let me tell you. We really are an old married couple. We get along great.

We do get along. The thing is, when we do do just like us vacation we immediately start laughing again. It's weird. We're really good on trips the two of us because we're like, oh, we're actually friends and we actually like each other and like spending time together.

My brother and I listen and we're like, that's what you want. That's the prize. You guys just went on the trip. You just went to Europe, right? Ireland? Where did we go last? Iceland.

Oh my God, it was amazing. It was amazing. It was different than what I expected it to be. It was a lot more quaint. I thought I was going to go into the tundra. What did you do there? What kind of stuff did you do? We went shopping.

We went sightseeing. We had dinner. I went shopping. We went to Dick's Sporting Goods. We had a great Dick's there. In Reykjavik. We went whale watching. That's cool.

It was the first time I ever fished in my life and I caught two fish. I was so excited. I was so proud of myself. That's not really my thing. Did you get on a kayak or something? No, I'm not doing that. Did you bring your daughter?

Yes, our daughter came with us and it was so cute She had waterfalls and volcanoes. We went on a helicopter ride over an active volcano and I went around. It was crazy. It was really cool.

It was definitely one of those once-in-a-lifetime things. I don't know that I need to go again. I get it. Protected ticket sales. We love you Reykjavik. I do. I loved it there.

There was a local comedy club there and I met a bunch of the local comics where they were all cool. There was this one kid in particular who was just silly. A real tall kid. He was trying all these crazy jokes that were edgy but really silly.

He'd throw them out there and see if people would laugh. He'd start laughing. It must be frustrating when you go to these exotic places and you can't really explore there for like a week. Usually when I do a run through Europe

I pick a place we haven't gone to and then we just go over there and get used to the time change and then... Then I leave and I go do the tour. Then he works and then we go home and then he does this thing. Bill told a funny story about

inviting you out for New Year's. He was doing a gig in New Year's. I think it was the first time you'd just been dating. Great club. I said, do you want to come out and be with me in New Year's? I got it broken.

Labonia, Michigan kickers. She goes, no. I was like, what? She goes, I'm in fucking New York City. Why the fuck would I go to Labonia? I don't know because I'm there. It's like, not enough.

I like you. I need more than that. Can't afford to fuck this up. If I heard that, I'd fall more in love. That's great. Until I was in Labonia, Michigan. All by himself.

During the countdown. Eight, seven, something, something. Looking back on this, I'm like, now I feel bad. No, but I got you back for that. What do you mean? That time when I was doing a gig and the promoter got me a first class ticket

and she wanted me to split the ticket and you brought your buddy, what'd you do? No, he went by himself first class style. No, he went, yes, yes, and I, me, where was I? Labonia. In coach, so he... Oh, you went.

I gotta tell you something. Out of all the things I've ever done, if I could do that over again, I still can't believe I did that. And I was like in the last... How far along were you guys in the dating process? Far enough to not do that. It was amazing.

I'm gonna tell you what it was. My whole career, I was in the back of the fucking plane. I was at the point where I couldn't see the forest through the trees. I couldn't see what a wonderful woman I had. I was just so psyched to finally be there

and I knew that I was gonna go over to Europe. It was gonna be a language barrier. It was gonna be all of this fucking shit. I was already stressing. And just get over there what I should have done. And since then, I've flown your fucking first class every fucking place.

I don't think I've ever witnessed Bill ashamed. I am legit ashamed. That was a bad judgment call. I did come back and visit a couple of times. It's not that long. I had my cloth nap conducted in front of my shirt. Oh, you visited coach? No, he came back eating his Sunday.

No, he didn't. He did not. That's nice of you to go and coach. That's show support. The whole thing was bad. With the interracial thing, I kind of made her sit in the back of the bus. There was also those optics.

Rosa Parks in the air. Rosa Parks in the air. It was a reboot. Ironically though, the seat next to me it might have even been the whole row in the middle was empty. They got me pillows

and I got to spread out. But still. Being in the last row or second to last just people going to the bathroom like the odors The worst is being back there. She got the Wheel of Fortune seat. I got the Dick's Sporting Club

of seats. You still went to Sweden for free. Yeah, and it was super fun. I hate that I did that. I'll never live that. There's a lot of other shit that I can forgive myself for. There's no years left in me. We'll work it out, I'm sure.

You like to ride coach? I do. I like to go specifically in the back because I heard most accidents most of the fatalities happen toward the front. Oh, so you're doing this based on just some dumb irrational. You like to ride coach? I know, I was about to say.

You don't actually like to ride coach. I don't mind it. You don't like to spend money. Let's keep going. I don't like to spend money. I'm cheap. I prefer not to spend the money on a fancy first class ticket. Really? As much as you have to travel? I've really gotten spoiled.

I know you. I've gotten spoiled too. If they fly me, I'll take it. When I think back, when I was 20 years old, I took the Greyhound across the country when you could still smoke on the buses. If I thought about doing that now,

I think I'd kill myself. I think I might kill myself. That was the whole motivation when you sat in the back. Was working your way up to the front. And Justin just wants to stay in the back. I have to get out of here. My thing now is

I also like smaller airports. So I'll fly into the to the original. Lovefield, Dallas. I haven't done that one yet. Oakland's really good. Yeah. Great one here, Long Beach.

Just fucking walking. How are you? Ontario's not bad. They're just far away. But like anything to avoid that horseshoe of death LAX going into that. And I fly like fucking, you know,

they're all down by the bottom. I was just reading. I was just looking at the website of this thing called The Private Suite at LAX. And it's like a membership based thing. And I think for $4,500 a year, you can go like the price crazy. You go the private way

and like you're in your own little special area with snacks and refreshments and things. You realize the genius of that? And it's meant for you to just avoid it. Like anyone can do it, but of course it's $4,500. Are they like usher you to your gate? Yep. You go to the plane.

You walk right to the plane somehow. The wherever it's situated, you can just walk on the plane before everybody. It's so much more glamorous. When I was a little kid, I remember, you know, people wore ties and stuff to get on the plane. Yeah, you dressed up.

And also you just kind of walked to the gate if I remember correctly. I'm so old. The first time I went there, they just started having metal detectors because in the early 70s, they started having all those hijackers. You could literally have a gun in your bag

and just walk on to a fucking plane. They said on this website, there's 2,000 steps or something like that. It's probably not that many steps to get from, you know, point A to point B typically in an airport. But if you do this private sweet thing, you can avoid all of that.

And literally your car goes a special way. That's a way from all like the madness. Oh, I feel like an asshole. I mean, the few times I've had to ride on one of those little like beep beep, you know, get out of our way. They drive like maniacs. Those carts where they drive people around. I want to ride on one of those.

You can't cross that line. You can't cross that line. There's certain lines you can't cross. I don't want to ride on a rascal. You know, when people are driving through the airport on one of those little buggies, like the people drive and I said, I want to do that because who wants to walk all that way?

And they're like, you can't do that. You can't, like, why can't I? If you're at a supermarket, would you want to? There's old people. There's aged people. They have aged people. The last cart, am I taking the last cart? I'm sorry, I didn't realize.

Maybe I don't feel bad. I put her in coach. I mean, if she's going to take the fucking the last seat on the fucking Let me explain something to you. I don't feel Listen, I'm going to say something that maybe I haven't been in a bumper car in a long time.

A bumper car. Yeah, I haven't been in a bumper car. I just want to take the ride. You want to take the buggy ride. Exactly, but I don't feel, I don't have any like guilt that sort of thing. I don't feel like I don't feel like an asshole if someone's like, here, let me take you and, like, usher you through the thing quickly. Yes, thank you very much.

Oh, and they're beeping it. I'm thankful. They're beeping at people. You got to do what you got to do to get through the airport. I'm sorry. What if some disabled person was like, I'm ready for my playing in a suite. Disabled none. And they said, oh, we just used our last cart.

Sorry, Nina's on it. Oh, is a woman, a holy woman also disabled? They'll be back. They can just drop me off and go back and get her. It's fine. Speed back, hit somebody. No, I don't want to risk it. I care about people too much. Certain services and luxuries

that I'm very thankful to have. That's the thing, if I wasn't thankful, if I wasn't grateful, that'd be one thing. This is where she makes herself the hero. So it's really okay. And I sleep very well at night having participated in such things. I support that. Thank you, Sam.

I was on the Greyhound and I fucking hated it. I've been on plenty of coach seats. Sam, you're never going to go back on that. This is the story of your life. Someone says you've never going back on that Greyhound again, kid. And you're like, really what? I can't imagine. You used to go across the country because your parents

were on opposite ends of the country. That's right. So I flew when I was a little tiny kid. My mom was in New York, my dad was in California. My mom was in Atlanta, my dad was in California. So you did the same thing. Not the bus, but the plane. That's why I didn't fly when I was a kid. So you had to do that with your parents.

Was it for the summers and things? Yeah, and the flight attendants were so nice to you because you're a cute little kid. Yeah, they take care of you. I would never send my child in airplane by themselves, but different times. So you lived in San Francisco during the year. I did.

My stepmother and my dad and I went to school in San Francisco and then in the summer I'd visit my mom and then she was like a crazy. Sam's mom is a fascinating woman. No, she is. She was like an incredible artist

and part of La Mama Experimental Theater group. So Sam grew up around all these like crazy. Was she in an anti-government group in the late 60s? Not that I can say. Yes, and Harrison Forbes, her husband, River Phoenix, no. She grew up a townhouse on the east side.

No, my mother was in the nut house actually. She was in Bellevue and she had a meltdown and then she did all these paintings about it. And it's a fascinating series of paintings called The Plugs, which is a phobia. She talked about this.

I want to see that movie. That just sounds like a great movie. Yeah, it's kind of a Francis Farmer movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Starring Francis O'Connor. Hey, speaking of movies, you two big shots, box office draws are out here.

I know you didn't come out just to say hello. You got to be promoting something. Yes, yes, promoting. What are you promoting? I did a movie with this guy. He's an up-and-coming director named Clint Eastwood. Oh, wow. You're saying Clint Eastwood?

Wow. I'm drinking your water. Clip with an N. Oh, sorry, okay. Can you cut this? Yes, and John Hamm Paul Hauser, Olivia Wilde is her friend of ours. And he did a movie with our friend Mike Godaire.

He's the lead-in. That's quite as many people. It's called Richard. The movie is called Richard Jewel. When is it out? It comes out on the 13th. Of course, I knew this. It's about because I grew up in Atlanta.

I remember this. I do. I graduated from high school that year, but I remember that whole thing. It's about Down Low Brothers? No. That's another movie about Atlanta. I'm ashamed to say it.

All I remember was Muhammad Ali carrying the torch. John Hamm remembers everything. He's a big Olympian fan. Of course, if you grew up in Atlanta, it would be a different thing. I remember that whole thing was crazy. I'm excited to see it. You probably thought Richard was a bomber.

That was the name that was thrown around. That's what I remember. The Olympics. 1996. The news said it was him. So it was him. Paul, this actor, Paul Walter Hauser, plays Richard Jewel.

He's incredible. I wish I could remember this actor's name. Have you guys seen the nice guys yet? It's so good. We've talked about this. Ryan Gosling. Who's the actor who gets the blue paint on his face? He is so goddamn funny. He plays his bad guy.

Don't give me the information. He goes, we're going to cut off your fingers. He's going to cut off his fingers. I'm butchering it. He's talking about this movie for so long. I usually remember those performances. I remember that movie with Ben Stiller where he's in Iceland or something.

There was this big... Walter Mitty, right? Yeah, Walter Mitty. Do you remember that actor? Who's that guy? I love those kind of performances. I just fucking steal the movie. You've done those.

That's such an underrated movie. Yeah. I really like that movie. He does like a nod to like Abbot and Castile. Oh, this stuff in the bathroom when he's in the stall. Oh my God. This guy can also do physical comedy.

That's what he was saying. That's what comedians can do. I walked out with a pistol. He's funny too. He wins Oscars and he's fucking funnier than I am. I'm not crazy. What did God hold back from? You know what it is?

There's so many of them that came from the Mickey Mouse Club which is almost like old school. You have Vaudeville kind of. Well, yeah. Justin Timberlake. Britney Spears. Right? They all fucking had...

Christina Aguilera. You had to sing, dance, you had to be funny. You had to be like a little showman. Yeah, and I think that that was obviously unless maybe they're just really good at picking out talent over there. Wait, can I tell you guys that I auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club?

You did? No shit. It was horrible. Three weeks ago, they said I was too old. What? What did you have to do for the audition? Dance and sing? Yes, dance and sing. I wasn't prepared at all.

This was like... Did you put on your saddle shoes? Minnie Mouse Force. Listen, you have to understand that this was 7th grade, and I was having a banner year. What year is this? So 7th grade, I don't know. Somebody do the math.

Oh yeah, we're born the same day. We had the exact same birthday. The exact same June 2nd, 1978. How crazy is that? Shout out to Gemini. You guys are the same age? The exact same age. It's unbelievable.

There's 7 billion people on the planet and there's 365 days. It's a lot of the odds. I think it's cool. It is cool. And we have such a great way. So 7th grade. Anyway,

I was president of my 7th grade class and Nickelodeon had come to the mall. That better be part of the story. It is. I promise no homework on Fridays. I have no authority to do that. But they bought it.

An extra month of summer vacation. Yeah, they bought it. Nickelodeon had come to the mall. I had won the competition and been on a Nickelodeon show. So I was really in the zone. So when the Mickey Mouse Club came, I was like, well obviously I'm auditioning for that.

I was not prepared. I was not a professional child at all. My mom knew nothing. It wasn't like, well what are they going to have you do? We should look into it. Let's find out. Sounds like a lot of excuses to me. So you didn't have a strong work ethic.

Keep going. It was just like, Nia wants to audition for the thing. And I was like, yeah, of course. Of course I can do it. Of course I can. And they were like, okay, we're going to have you do some freestyle dance. And I was like, okay, cool. I can handle this. I'm doing my thing. Getting my little groove on or whatever.

The kids that aren't up to par, then I move on to the next group. They're just like, thank you so and so. You guys can say thank you everybody for coming. So I go to the next one and they're having a sing. And I somehow forgot that one of the main things

that you have to do on the Mickey Mouse Club is sing. So I was not prepared. I am not a singer. And I had to sing something on the spot. Acapella. The sun will come. Something. Now you go.

Lay down on the screen. Do you remember what you sang? The first thing that popped into my head was Eternal Flame by the Band. Oh, yes. How does that go? No, just give me the tune. I just want to help you.

Do you know the tune? You don't have to sing it. I just want to help. Hand darling. Close your eyes. Give me your hand. Feel my heart beating. Can you? So I didn't go well?

It didn't and I was cut from that round and that was it and I was so sad and my mom took me to Burger King to make me feel better. And that was it. There it is. Tell me there's a video of this. There is. They're literally singing around a bonfire

so I just So that went south. Yeah, so that was the end of that. It was very discouraging but otherwise it was a great year for me. I auditioned for the music man. Thank you. Did you really?

He's a what? He's a what? He's a music man. Trombone. Trouble in T. Yeah. Alright. You want to hear a fucking hilarious story? I don't know if I can tell this story.

Too many people went to high school and listened to this thing. River City next stop? So there was this fucking man child kid in our grade he was as big as the janitor. He had the belly of him too. All he was missing was the keys. He peaked in like fifth grade.

So I remember the role he got was when the stage coach came to town. He was basically playing the team of horses. And he dragged everybody in. And he dragged him in. And I remember he was all amped up. He was just a little excited.

So he was dragging the thing in. And he was like, oh, clap. And he was just screaming as he came in. Wait a minute. I swear to God. This is bringing us full circle. I swear to God this happened. I know where you're going.

He was just yelling and he was pulling the cart. He was fucking done. It was that awkward moment with parents who was just like, this is sad. But he's fine now. I think he's like a cop or something. He just had like a...

He had a period. He had a period in his life where he's a little awkward, he's a little bigger than us. They made him an ox. He was a fucking ox. I just remember he came into the fucking cafeteria. And he came in when the parents were like,

he went up. He went up. Oh my God. Hey, it was the 70s. That's what you did. The big fucking kid who's not... He pulled the fucking... I didn't cast it.

So don't fucking get mad at me. All right, I got to do... You guys want me to read out loud? All right. All right. Okay, everybody. We got some reads. Indochino. I'll maybe say it was founded on the belief

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Boy, I need my reading glasses. When I talk about... for distant. When I talk about Dollar Shave Club, I can't stress enough the quality of the products. That's it. That's all I got.

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I have it from Silence of the Lambs. Put them, put the lotion in the back, I've been a Dollar Shave Club member for years. I need my lotion first and then I shave. You know what, I showed Ted Levine, I did a movie with him, I showed him the Lego musical

of Silence of the Lambs, put lotion in the back. Oh, that's great. And he never seen it. He laughed his ass off. Really? That's a thing. I saw him do... After I saw Silence of the Lambs, he was in a movie called Georgia Just like a normal... He plays like a stay at home dad, like a really

kind of benign character. And it was so creepy because he has these lines that are like, you know, I put Timmy to bed and you know what? Wait a minute, did he actually talk like that all the time? He kind of does. I mean, he doesn't really...

With the lips over, he's got the best fucking ears, isn't he? He's got a heroine. Oh, can you do your Sam when Sam Rockwell is acting like he's listening, but he isn't. Watch this. Well, it's more visual, but you got to say something. Yeah. Hey, yeah, so I really enjoyed that

work that you did in that moon, man. It was incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You watched the moon. It's a full moon. Is that what you're saying? You got to see the... I'm sorry, I didn't really go to the visual. The moon's fucking awesome. That's so funny.

Yeah, yeah. I've seen that. I'm digesting. I'm doing character work. No, but that's the thing. I feel like actors like Sam, it's like he's not even trying. He's just literally absorbing. Everything has to... I love it. I love it.

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It's probably Shampoo-doodle.com. Has he ever done his Phil Hoffman and Boogie Nights with the rest of this? No, I don't want to see it. Boogie Nights with Homeboy. Mark Wahlberg. Do you want to see my car?

I just want to make sure you like it. If you like it, I was going to give it back. I like your car, Scotty. Let's go inside. Let's go inside. You're making New Year, right? You know about making him do that in front of Phil?

You did? Sam and I were, so Sam was, he kind of took me under his wing when we did Galaxy Quest. He was like my one, but I'd never been to LA. It was all so new to me. I was 20 years old. We saw that shark movie with Phil, right? And so Sam was the one guy that kind of like, you know, I'd hang out with him stuff and yeah,

and one day Phil Hoffman, who I was obsessed with, came to set, like she showed up and went out of the movie with him. Well, first he showed up, first he came there, because you were like, my buddy's coming. You didn't tell me it was. My buddy's coming. We're going to go to this movie, Deep Blue Sea. Deep Blue Sea.

Remember that? No, no, no. You're thinking of, no. Did I say the wrong, what is it? Samuel Jackson. Samuel Jackson has that monologue where he gets, he does this monologue and then he gets eaten by the shark. What? That's the greatest moment.

That's the biggest big like turning point and then the fucking shark. But Tim Allen came with us, remember that? That's right, that's right. And Tim, I don't know if he hung out with you guys a lot, but I don't, it was my impression that he didn't. Yeah, not too much, but he was cool. He came and Phil, and so it was so,

I was just watching, instead of watching the movie, I was basically just watching Tim Allen and Phil Hoffman like exchange laughs, because Tim would start laughing at something cheesy in the movie and then Phil would laugh at Tim laughing. And they both had these great big like hearty laughs and it was so fun, it was so fun. And then we went out for drinks at El Compadre.

And that's when I made you do the impression. Yeah, and Sam, and I'm just like, I don't want to talk around Phil, you know, I'm so nervous around him. And Sam, 20 years old, and Sam goes, Sam goes, oh my God, Phil! He does a great impression of you. He does an awesome...

Just blowing up his spot. Yeah, and Phil's like, oh, I want to hear it. Yeah, you do. And I was like, oh my God. We started doing shots. We got your courage. And I was out of nowhere, I was just like, alright, I'll do it.

An hour later. And they're like, do what? And I did it, and people were laughing except for Phil, and Phil goes, that's just me from Boogie Nights. It's not high sound. Years later, we laughed about it, but he was like...

I was doing a voice. Yeah, he loved Justin, he loved you. Oh, that's nice. I miss that guy. Yeah, he's amazing. Absolutely amazing. Alright, that's been the podcast. Guys have been great, brought it to a really sad place now. Wait, I want to hear about...

Aaron, how many hours have we done? An hour or two. Wait, can we ask them about, because we talked about childhood audition stuff. Do you guys have any audition for a play like before? I do, I do have one. What are you thinking of?

He brought the prop gun through the metal detector. I love how well you guys know each other. TSA, the TSA, it was before pre-9-11. It was quick and the dead, and I was practicing. That Western at Sam Raimi. Then Sharon Stone decided to give

a portion of her salary to get to Caprio, and then I wasn't. I went to meet Sam Raimi, who you ended up working with. And I was flown to Arizona, I think, or Santa Fe to do a screen test with Sam Raimi. I spray painted all these big squirt guns that were originally

orange or green or whatever, black. And they were like, they look like 44 magnums. So I had them in my carry-on, and they stopped me. You know, I mean, now, fuck this. Oh my god. You'd be in trouble.

I was late for the plane, and they stopped me, and then they let me get on the plane. They probably took the squirt guns. How old are you? I think, maybe not. I was, you know, 24, 29. My brother, Christian, who's a big,

you know, big fan of both here. We picked up Sam once after he had an audition for that Jesse James movie. Yes. And I'll never forget seeing you. This is one of our great actors. We were seeing him run across Sunset with little toy,

like a little toy holster, and you had like, you had brought toy props. We all wanted to be in that movie. It was such a funny sight to see him running across Sunset with that little, like, cowboy hat. Is this the assassination of Jesse James

with a coward? Robert Ford. And that's how I met Jeremy Renner, who you ended up, and he was a wild dude. But I remember in high school doing a monologue, and you would do, you would have to do this. Sam has his back to everyone right now.

I remember when I watched John Malkovich in Death of a Salesman, I just copied him. So you just do this. No, Willie! I'm not hanging myself! And so it was that thing where you turn around and then you're doing the monologue and you turn back around, you know.

Oh, wow. You must have some really, I mean, you must have some really good ones. Yeah, I mean, Olivia tells some good... Yeah, I definitely, I used to listen at the door, you know, to hear... Some people do that. No, I was gonna listen!

Did you ever do that? No, you hate that. I thought for a second you were supposed to do it, and a few times I started doing it. It can backfire, though. It can backfire because if it's going bad, then you're like, hey, I got this. But if it's going well, and you hear them laughing, and like, we'll see you Tuesday,

haha! Then you feel like shit. Well, the thing is, the one time I recall something like that even remotely happening, I was auditioning for some, like, independently, and all the girls were doing it one way. And because it was getting a reaction, I was like, I have to do it the other way

because I'm just not going to stand out everyone's doing it, and I did it the other way, and I ended up getting it. Were you listening at the door, huh? I wasn't listening at the door, but I wasn't not listening at the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's hard not to hear it when you're in the waiting room. Exactly, exactly. And I just heard them all doing it the same way,

and looking back on it, it was probably, yes, I was not actively listening. Can't you just... Senator, can you just say... Yes or no. Can't you just say what? Just, yeah. I smoked pot, but I didn't inhale. You fucking listen. That's fine. Everybody's done it.

I caught a kid that I used to see at auditions all the time in the waiting room. God, I don't miss those days. I caught him twice doing... And I suspected the first one of being a phone... Getting a phone call. I suspected the first one of being fake, and then when I heard him do it twice, he goes, it was something like this. We're all auditioning

in the waiting room, and he goes, hey, what's up, man? Oh, I did? I booked it? Okay, cool. Well, I'm auditioning for this other thing. I don't even know if I should do it now, since that other thing I just booked seems better. I'm doing a bad version. Did he do the same dialogue? Similar.

It was a similar, like, oh, I just got a job to call. So he's trying to psych people out of the room? Psych people out. Oh, my God. He took it right outside, obviously, so people could hear. I knew a guy that, if any one of us booked something, and if you told him that, he always says, oh, yeah, yeah, I was going to do that,

but I turned it down. I know guys. I turned it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? They asked me as I turned it down. I was like, I want to keep struggling. I like being in my bed and seeing my kitchen. Yeah, it's more real. Being able to reach my stove. I didn't want to sell out.

What theater did you do as a kid? Because I know you've probably been doing it since you were like six. I didn't like doing it when I was... My mom was an actress, and the last thing I wanted to do, because I saw the shitty side of it. But whenever she was part of a workshop, a theater workshop, so if they ever needed a kid,

we would occasionally Christian. Did she beat you with hangers? Yeah, if we didn't, if we didn't comply. She was just enforcing a positive work ethic. Stage mom. I love you, mom.

But it wasn't your favorite thing. It was the last thing I wanted to do, in fact, and then I wanted to play football. My real dream was to be on that gridiron. But I did, and I was just too small. So I needed a way to meet the ladies.

Meet chicks? Yeah. And in high school, that's, you know, that was the only thing I could really do. Just kind of follow my brother into it. What about you? What got you into it? Well, the first thing I ever remember doing was my parents' wives was in preschool.

And there was like, I remember Miss Claire was like, we're going to do snow white in the seven drawers. And I just like, my hand immediately showed up. I was like, I want to be snow white. And she kind of looked kind of glazed over me and was like, ah, and just moved on to like the white girl. She was not going to cast

against type. And you know what? I said snow white. Snow white. But this was actually, before I moved to Atlanta, I was living in Queens, New York with my mom. My parents had just gotten like separated not too long before. So this was the international children's

school. So it was quite diverse. And actually now that I think about it, she may not have been all the way white, but she was really very light-skinned. So I was so sad about that. And I think she felt bad. So she made me the magic mirror, which is fine. But it's kind of like that ox thing.

It's like, I just said maybe one thing, like you could have made me the evil queen. You know what I mean? Like give me the exact object. Thank you. It's not an inanimate. But the magic, you know, the mirror does talk to the queen about like everything that she's doing or whatever it is. But the thing is like you could have made me

the evil queen. You could have given me some kind of, clearly I was one character. No, but if you're the evil queen, then doing that thing. Exactly. Like scary spice. Why was she scared? She always says that. It was like 19th grade. You can't answer it. Black spice. One of the...

Black spice. American spice. Yes. Well anyway, so I... Yeah, that was that was the beginning. Fluid spice. Fluid spice. So I really, I really got a crash course in how this business works in that one moment. My first real play in high school was, it was

into the woods and I didn't make the final cut to be in the cast. And so there were so many kids who they had to create like a spillover job for all the kids that didn't make it. And so they created the role of the woodland nymphs. We were woodland nymphs, which basically meant kind of lurked around in the background.

First of all, we had to wear a Unitard. Oh boy. And I hadn't gone through puberty yet. Oh no. I was a late bloomer and so it was a very revealing revealing outfit. Yeah, it was really embarrassing. And some of the girls had gone through puberty. So I was like a little kid.

I went to when I was in high school and we just had to move scenery around and kind of lurk behind it. Yeah, I was the worst. I know. Yeah. Why Unitard? I don't know. A Unitard. Was it black? No, it was like, so we blend in with the back. It was like camouflage.

It makes me think of you in dodgeball a little bit. I don't know why. Are you humiliating? Those are the roles, actually. What's the difference between a Leotard and a Unitard? That's a good question. Well, I'm not sure. Is that what that is? Uni means one.

Unisex? I think Leotard has a copper, right? I think a Leotard is more something that cuts off like on the legs and a Unitard goes all the way. That's been solved. The podcast is over.

Your listeners are... This is definitely shit that has never been discussed. This has been so cool to have all you guys down here. I usually like the loner and I don't like have people in my life and it's nice to not be alone for once. This is like we just won some contests. This is like a fantasy camp

for podcasting. Sam and I both love... I don't want to speak for you. We both listen to it. I was listening to it today because I saw Cuban cigars and I was like, oh, I better... Oh, does he not like Cuban cigars? I better check that out.

I thought you'd stop smoking cigars. No. If they're real. If they're real. The problem is most of them are fake. I used to always hate those guys. Most of them are fake. I used to have a fucking asshole on Christmas

and it was just like, once you smoke a real one as you're lighting it, you're like, oh my god. You know right away. You talked about that boxer on the one podcast that you had discovered and I got hit to him. He was... What the hell was that boxer? It was this undiscovered...

It was a boxer I'd never heard of. John Duddy? John Duddy was a guy... He was a guy you were going on and on about him. He was a badass, man. He was... Oh, fuck. From the 1960s

and he had the unfortunate luck of being between Sonny Liston and Muhammad Ali and when Sonny Liston when he had gotten to the... Cleveland something, Williams? Yeah, this guy was just like... If you look at his highlights, he was unbelievable.

And right when he was about ready, he was like, it's a fucking movie. I don't know why no one's ever developed his screenplay but right as he was about ready to get his shot Sonny Liston was starting to go down and right before Muhammad Ali he got stop traffic, stop cop fucking shot him.

Took him like a year to like... They took out his screen, something crazy. And he never had any hard feelings towards the cop and came back and then... He was super strong too. Sonny Liston said I think that was the hardest... The guy who hit him the hardest was this guy. Cleveland Williams.

I can't believe they haven't made a movie about that. And those are always... The boxing movies are always the fucking best. Yeah. I'm surprised you... Sam, you box a lot. I wouldn't call it boxing, I'd call it hitting... I used to go to Gleason's gym

and they all knew I was there just to get in shape so he used to call me Billery Swank. Billery Swank. That's where I saw John Duddy. No, he's not the baby. Oh, that was awful. They show me some of the skip and the rope things. I remember this dude, Blimp, who worked in it.

Big fat black guy. I hope he was fat. He looked at me, he was watching me skip rope. He goes, Bill, did you have any black friends growing up? They used to trash me the whole time. I always tell the story though. Charlie Murphy, rest his soul. When he found out I was going over there,

he's like, going over there? How long you been there? I was like, I've been there for like a week. I'm going to tell you what's going to happen about six weeks in. He goes, somebody's going to come up to you and they're going to start seeing it. They're going to try to get you in the ring. How long you been there? You nice, man. Because they just want to try out shit.

They're not going to try to get some pro bucks. Dude, like six weeks to the day, this shredded black dude walks up. How long you been boxing? I was like, I don't know. Like six weeks. You look good, man. You nice on that band, man.

You picking that bag. I was like, I know what you're doing. Then I started laughing. Then he laughed because he knew that I knew what he was doing. Charlie Murphy fucking saved me. He's like, you must have ran into Charlie Murphy. My dumb ass would have got in there. Oh, wow. That's funny.

That's funny. Togo got me in the ring. Togo got you in the ring. I was like, all right, game over. I'm good. Back to acting. Back to acting. Make it look good. Exactly.

That's been the podcast. Justin and Nia, thank you guys for all your great work that you're doing after the family season 4 is going to be coming out. I don't know when, early part of next year, March 8th. I don't know. Netflix hasn't told me yet. But thank you guys so much for continuing to do it because people love the show.

That's the podcast. Have a great weekend. See you on a Monday. Bye.