Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-7-23

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

Bill rambles with Gavin Matts about his new special, Canada, and guns. AG1: If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase go to www.drinkAG1.com/BURR (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (55:41) - Thursday Throwback 12-7-15 Bill rambles about Christmas, buying a car, and the Patriots. (01:06:10) - Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks Week

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday money money podcasts. And I'm just checking in on you to see how your week's going, you know? And obviously you're watching this, which means I have a special guest, which we do from time to time. This guy's been doing it. I don't know how long you've been doing it. But in my world, this guy, this guy's one of the up and coming kids here. Gonna come up and grab the brass ring. I did, uh, I did the ringers with him

on Comedy Central, right? Is that what that came out? Was it on the Food Network? I can't remember. And he's got a great new special out called Progression. Please welcome the one and only Gavin Mats to the program. Yes, thank you for having me, Bill.

You're welcome. Yes, yes. 10 years, 10 years. 10 years you've been doing it? 10 years, yeah, yeah, yeah, not that long, you know. I was stupid, phone buzzing. I was supposed to have it on quiet. Oh, that's fine, it's fine, it's just, make it a noise.

All right, before we get started, I'm a huge fan of yours. Thank you, Bill. Your style, you're completely like, you know, like I was saying before, there's enough screaming idiots out there like me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. you know, I like to think I'm one of the better screaming idiots. No, you're good. It doesn't know how to write a joke. You're a good screaming idiot. I mean, we're good screaming idiot, but you be screaming idiot now. They used to

be a lot of screaming idiots and now you're the one guy. I like it. I like it. Well, you know, you don't see a lot of people scream anymore. Yeah. You got to go with your strengths. I knew I wasn't idiot. You know, I was like, what if I turned it up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're from an angry, you're angry your time. Now everybody is more sad, I feel like. Is that what it is?

Yeah, you know what I mean? It's more like, oh, it's not as angry anymore. All right, I will explain. Explain, explain your generation to an old guy like me. Oh, you know, you think about like Hicks and stuff. He's like an angry guy. He's like mad at America. And now people are just kind of sad about it.

It's not a lot you can do anymore. So people are just sad about it. I just like how you reduce Bill Hicks to he's mad at America. But I understand that because it's like as time goes on, you know, just everything. It's like people going back like this. So many people now that just love trashing the Beatles,

saying they weren't that good of a band. Sure, I do think Hicks was good, but I've been watching on a Hicks kick. I know, I watch them, and then I feel bad from just going like, you know, like when you watch them like snap and everything, because you've all done that. Yeah.

And you start thinking like, you start thinking there's other options. Sure, but what's rare with his, I feel like, because he has a lot of weird sets that are just like an Indianapolis, there's like a 40-minute set, there's a punch line, it's like an hour and 20, but I'm like, how often were people recording sets even? It's rare to have just a club set from someone

where it's like, now you kind of got a, people show up with their own camera and know, it's rare to have just like a club set from someone. Where it's like, now you kind of got a, people show up with their own camera and tripod, it's embarrassing. Oh, I know, because I almost feel like the stand-up special is going away because it feels like you got to, it's all about clips now and younger people are just used to like Instagram, you know?

Yeah, it's really sad. I mean, I had a joke that I liked that someone commented like, oh, it took too Yeah, it's really sad. I mean, I had a joke that I liked that someone commented like, oh, it took too long to get to the joke. But I'm like, the clip was like 50 seconds. I would say don't listen to that. I don't think you know. You know what those people are reading it?

I'm reading it. And then you also like had reposted. So then I know the notifications are going to you. And I'm probably you don't look at it. But then I'm also getting it. Then it's just like a guy on there calling me gay. And then you're like, this guy's calling, this guy reposted.

Yeah, but I'm always gonna sag with the comic, because of course. People do that to me all the time. All the time, all kinds of shit, like, and it's also all over the map. Yeah. Well, people are insane and then, you know, you can just go to somebody's page

and see what they're going through. And this one guy who's being kind of mean to me, I go to his page, the link to his Facebook because you got a private page. And then I see on Facebook, he was looking for a room to live in Albany. So I was like, oh, he's just going through something. He can't find a room.

Well, we know what it is, is back in the day. Yeah. Back in the day, when there was just like three channels or even like if there was just basic cable, like we all were sort of experiencing the same media reality. Mm-hmm. But now the rains are completely taken off.

Or so it's thought. Yeah, so it's like you and I, on our phones are living in two completely different countries, or realities. Oh, my bubble is insane that I live in yeah Oh, okay, I'm into bubbles. What's your bubble? My bubble is just kind of just like I don't know Bad stuff happening around the world just feeding me that oh you get it. Yeah, I get that period You got that you're loving the guys a strip. Oh, that's plenty of bad stuff going on

I mean, I'm not but but I don't wanna see it. You know, I wanna live outside of that. I wanna live, I wanna live in like a- Like the guys are stripped started happening. You get excited, like Netflix dropped a new series. No, I'm just like, oh, more tragedy. I would like to live in like a kind of, you know, a propaganda that's good, you know?

Oh, okay. Like the 50s, but I'm not able to, so I get everything. Well, 50s was weird. We're on TV if you look at it, it's a white person. I mean, it was amazing. Sure. It was guys like Hugh Beaumont on Leave It To Beaver,

coming home in that fucking company car. It's got Barbara Billings, see, right? Oh yeah, the middle class was strong. Yeah, it came out. It was like an oldsmobile. Now there's maybe a Buick. Oh, he's moving up, right? Then you, the middle class was strong. Yeah, it came up with like an Oldsmobile. No, there's maybe a Buick. Oh, he's moving up, right? Then you get up to like the cat.

My granny, my granny had a Buick. All right, but also what was going on is you had like the Cold War. Mm-hmm. You had a, you still have that. Okay. Again, don't you think? That's still good.

I don't, I don't pay, I just, I can't, I mean, you have kids, you know? No, you have a family. That's not that, that's not good. I don't know, I don't pay. I just, I can't allow. I mean, you have kids, you know? No, you have a family. It's not that. It's not my excuse. Okay. I just can't handle watching them separating us and people allowing it.

Yeah. But just watching everything get politicized from viruses to electric cars, to states, to cities, to the kind of shoes you wear. And it's just like, just all we're doing. Spotify wrapped. What is that? So this is just, it's a good market

usually by Spotify that at the end of the year, you get your favorite songs. You get your favorite songs, you're favorite, how many hours you listened and then people post it. But then you're seeing people you don't like who possibly listen. And they get a half a cent to the artist.

Oh yeah, the half a cent to the artist They fire all their workers after they've made you know profit revenue, right? Is like Yeah, so that's kind of kind of what that is and then you are like, oh well They like this artist that I like so now I don't know if I can like them because this person likes them So even individuals, you know what generation are you from? I'm 1994, so technically millennial. I'm one of those millennials. Yeah, no, that we raised. Yeah.

And then we blame you guys for the way we raised them. Yeah, and then you also say that we suck. Yeah, I'm, which I didn't do nothing. Yeah, no, you didn't. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I don't know, I'm probably, yes. Yeah, okay. Okay, I'm not, I'm trying to bring the generations

together. Yeah, yeah. I'm the guy who's saying when they put these mandatory kill switches on cars, that all we have to do is the people is just walk to work for about six days. And the oil companies would lose so much fucking money, they'd go take those kill switches out of the car, and then like, you know, and then the politicians wouldn't get the kickback money,

and then what they would have to be is just be like, okay, you know, the people have spoken. But they would still say, but you know what's gonna happen. They would say for now. For now, that's like when they have one to have that Robocop and San Francisco. Oh, then we got one in New York now.

Yeah, people like, you're not fucking doing that. And then like, no, we are. And they said, no, you're not. And then they say, okay, we're not for now. So it's like, so we really don't have a say. Yeah, it's just a grace period of maybe, oh, we'll wait a couple months. That was like in New York when they put the video screens

in the back of the cast. You'd be like, get these things to fuck out of here. People was vandalizing and shaking. And they took them out. And then a few years later, they came back and they were even bigger. But I think by then people were used. But don't you want to play games?

Video games? And games, just to- And no, like in the car, they have like the, they'll be like, they'll have like a, a multiple choice quiz for you while you're taking the cab, 20 blocks. Oh, no. Just to distract you. Yeah, no, I'm not into, I'm into,

I'm into just trying to be by myself and be quiet and just settling it all down, because I'm a fucking lunatic. So I can't watch, you know, I watch those news channels and I start thinking I know what's going on and I start thinking I have a solution and then I'm another guy, I'm going to get out. Oh yeah. You know what they got? Yeah, yeah, yeah, then you do the solution. You know, like we got to put the kill switches in the car. Yeah. But then what that does? The fans of my podcast remember those years. They didn't take much to bring up the Federal Reserve

and then I was off on that thing. So where are you gonna blow it up? No, Jesus Christ, you're trying to give me an watch list? No, I don't know what I, I don't know why. I was like the typical guy who, he's Federal, it's Federal Express and then I had no solution. Yeah, of course.

My solution is that is, I say I have no solution. It's my, here's what, is not me, I'm not involved. Yeah, of course. My solution is that I said I had no solution. It's not me, I'm not involved. All right, fuck it, relax. The president, okay. He just sends like 50 army guys down there. And he walks into all those pencil pushers and he goes, yeah, this is over. You don't print the money anymore.

We don't know you shit. And that's a guy who's gonna get something done. Yeah, just the president. Yeah, I know. I know what people believe that. I know. It used to be so good. You used to think they could do something.

Yeah, they used to promise you stuff. Yeah. Remember that? I make a 200, 300 grand a year. It's not gonna be able to change America. No, no, no, it's too little money. It is. You gotta have way more money.

He makes less money than influencers. And I'm supposed to sit here and believe Because you're selling liquid death and his speeches that he's gonna go. Yeah, we got to get Biden some liquid death Oh, Biden Jesus. We need to get Biden a home. He needs to be in a fucking home. What we really need is we need Two young people running for presidents that are gonna have to live with their decisions. I'm always saying there should be a cap Yeah, always there should be a cap. Yeah, always. There should be a cap. It's that, yeah.

He does. I mean, a lot of people I think should say there's a cap of like maybe 60. Because people work a regular job, they want to be done at 60. Listen, I'm 55, I would put it around 58. 58? Cause I feel the wheels coming off.

Those last two years are always the... I'm feeling I'm going a little yeah Yeah, I mean the White House the problem is they're gonna get those for him He's so old and if he wins again, they're gonna have to get those you know those seats where they put the chair They go up the chair real slow like an escalator. I think I think because I'm like he's got to be done on stairs I think he steps down if he's able to or falls off a chair. Oh he steps down from the presidency Yeah, falls down from the presidency And then you got to go with whoever the vice president is. What's her name? Oh Kamala Kamala. Yeah. Which I haven't heard a

word from her since she said we did it. Joe. She's always out in Santa Monica. Oh cool. I don't go out there. No, or Malibu. One of those. Yeah, I fly and there's always a TFR. Yeah, yeah. She's always out there. Yeah, it's weird. It's weird. Her quote, her quote, forever now is they keep reusing it as the we did it, Joe. Like that's her quote in the history books. Remember when when he got elected, they were like, they were filming her do a phone call with Joe Biden. Oh, and she was like, we did it Joe. It was he like, who are you? I'm sure he was like, were filming her do a phone call with Joe Biden. Oh, oh, and she was like, we did it, Joe. It was he like, who are you?

I'm sure he was like, remind me your name again. And how do I pronounce that? Yeah. Well, we've left your generation quite a mess. Yeah, I mean, I would say the younger whatever is more a mess. I'm like, I'm hoping that I get out of here, really. It's December 5th. It's 85 degrees out here right now.

Yeah, I mean, no, even in, I know it's LA, but it's not supposed to be like this. Sure, I mean, I've been in New York and I, you know, the past like five years and it hasn't snowed really the last two years and I get worried. Yeah. You know.

So tonight I try not to like, like this morning I was getting my kids ready for school. Yeah. And my wife goes, you might want to put our daughter in shorts because it's going to be 85 degrees and it's just like this wave of depression when over me I was just going, what are we going to do about this?

Yeah. She's like, put them in shorts so they're not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That gritting the teeth is never a good sort. Yeah, no, but I mean, I blame God for all of it. Of course. Because he's made all of us and I blame God for all of it. Of course. Because he's made all of us and he made all of these fucking idiots.

And he gave people ideas. And loud idiots. Yeah. You interestingly enough, January 6th, which means a lot to people who pay attention to the news, which you guys had to remind me. I'll be going back to the Capitol. I'm gonna be at the Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York.

And you gotta see this kid, man. I just love your style. You're a great joke writer. Thank you. And then also the confidence that you have to have to go with your pace at that volume. Yeah. I mean, was that hard for you in the beginning

following a loud idiot's like me? I mean, I mean, I came up in Vancouver and there was like a good club there that I kind of like whatever this phrases, my grip my teeth or whatever, cut my teeth, I cut my teeth there. And it was pretty nice. I mean, but doing this hour on the road,

I was like, I felt like a comic in like the 90s because I did like from that like November, I did Boston and then I sent that tape to Jordy here at ATC and then they were like, okay, maybe we can do something and I was like, okay, so I booked all these dates, didn't really hear from my agent and I booked like 56 cities.

Who shot it, too? My friend Marcus Russell Price. Oh, I know him, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He just took pictures when I did a gig in New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a great, he's a great, he's got a great eye. He does. We really had a, he executed that exactly how I wanted.

Because I was like, there's no other way. It stands out, it stands out. It's a really cool looking special. And it should look unique because of your unique style. So, so who you handy-ca in here for the, for the next, there's no, is it going to be these two idiots again? Yeah. It's just, it should be like wrestling and trumps like fucking holding Biden down and then fucking Hillary comes running in from behind the curtain, you know, like the Monday night raw. I have no, I have no idea. How do we get out of this vortex? I mean, what is the other option is like DeSantis. Is he the Florida guy? Yeah, but I think he's kind of like

been bombing recently because I haven't heard much from him. And then there's Gavin Newsom who I don't want to win because we share the same first name. Who's that guy? He's the California guy. He's the California guy. But you know, I'm Canadian so I go just leave. Yeah, you always have that option.

What are you gonna do though? Your country's messed up too. I know, your country's sorta low key messed up. Like, cause I follow a few people up there in Canada. Yeah, it's very much like me. It's very quiet and you're like, what is this, what is gonna happen? I know, but there's something going on

where people are saying that they're given the country away and they're always giving the country away. They're always trying to separate Alberto wants to be its own thing, Quebec wants to be its own thing. They've committed horrible atrocities. What they should do is you should let them secede from the union and then attack them. like you have a lot of similar solutions. And you occupy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I can, I can annoyed with little places acting like they can defend themselves.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you feel that way about, you know, the Texas is always saying this? That they want to do that? That they want it also. Okay, so I'm a Texas. They don't know what they want to do. Yeah. Any more than I do. Okay, so some of the texts, they don't know what they want to do. Yeah. Any more than I do.

Like no one's thought that through. Like you know my favorite thing is, you should move to state. They have no state tax. It's like really? Everybody's just working for free. Yeah. It's like buying a used car, right?

No buying a car. Well you come in with your piece of shit but we'll go, we'll give you six grand for that car that's worth five hundred bucks. You're like, really? And then they charge you nine grand for the rust proofing. They're gonna get you in sales tax, property tax. There's no fucking way that you can live in a place

with no state tax and they don't get it somewhere else. Like, how do you pay for all the infrastructure? I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't trust Texas. I like Texans, but I don't trust Texas. Oh, I don't trust politicians. Yeah. Because they're all grossly underpaid so they can be bribe by people that have way more money

than you would. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy was down when they were, it was for some reason, I know that guy. I know that guy. That guy, I don't even know what to Mexico. He went to Mexico.

He said it was too cold. Oh, what, the Ted Cruz or whatever. Remember, there was like a, there was like a that was like really cold. Yeah, well, they say he's the zodiac killer. Say he's a zodiac. That was like a that was like a Twitter thing where people are being like Ted Cruz looks like the zodiac drawing. Isn't that guy from like 50 years ago?

The zodiac? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought he was Ted Cruz. Yeah, yeah. Who's also he's from Calgary. He's like almost Hitler's age. Like people still think that guy's alive. It's like yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought he was a Ted Cruz, yeah, yeah. Who's also, he's from Calgary. He's like almost Hitler's age. Like people still think that guy's alive. It's like they're, yeah, yeah. People think everybody's alive. Yeah.

They can't accept Hitler probably died of natural causes and like a swing set in Argentina. Yes, yes. And everyone's like, oh, with Tupac or some corny thing to say. No, Tupac, like JFK, they have the death photos. Yeah, it was a brutal. Those are gone. They finally caught those guys too.

Yeah, they did. It seemed pretty basic. It's like literally the guy he fought in the casino. Uh huh. And it seems like, why were they working on this all that time? My favorite ones they thought Shug was involved. It's like, okay, I'm gonna sit on the other side of him as you shoot at him from this

side. Like immediately I was like, yeah, no. Yeah. Didn't Shug also get shot? Like, why would he be involved? I'm sure. He was, I remember video him doing something crazy in a car like a couple years ago, but I think he's in a little bit of a guy.

He got freaked out. He thought the guy was going to do something to him and he drove over him. That's, yeah, that's always happened to me when I'm in a vehicle and I'm getting freaked out by a guy. Well, then he played the game at a different level. I mean, literally your life was at stake, you know? So I think he just played the game a little too long. Yeah, different time. You came up in like what, the, the 90s?

70s and 80s and then the 90s, my brain was fully formed, so. We have to take responsibility for everything from then on, but as far as like, what fucked me up was, yeah, the 70s and 80s. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and now here we are. So.

You made it out. I mean, it's not like I was in prison, but I mean, I definitely. I mean, it seems like it was hard for a lot of people to make it out. I mean, it's not like I was in prison, but I mean, I definitely, I mean, it seems like it was hard for a lot of people to make it out. Our next partner is AG1, the daily foundational nutrition supplement that supports the whole body health. So I'm always looking for life upgrades, which is why I've come to love and trust AG1. Why take a bunch of different things?

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I'm on the metal, heavy metal side of Gen X. I never got into that grunge shit. Okay. Where like heavy metal was all about denying what happened to you as a child and just partying. And like screaming. Yeah, and just asking them to be here. Yeah, just like my act, right?

You can't really like go inwards when you're screaming so bad. Yeah, yeah, no, no, it's just not. Well, you're like a tool guy. Was I a tool guy? I had, I've had my moments. I'm sort of a closet gear head. I like watching people do shit, but I don't have the balls to take apart my own stuff. Right. I didn't mean the band, but yeah, yeah, yeah.

You did mean the band? Yeah, there's a band gear? No, tool. Oh, tool. Yeah, yeah Tool. Oh, yeah, tool but tools one of those bands that like I mean they like like split my brain Like when I'm listening to it because I'm trying to figure out like what's going on the time signature and all of the poly rhythm or whatever that Danny carries doing and Yeah, like so I can like... I need quiet music and... Well, it's gonna take me my lifetime

to get through their catalog because each song is so fucking complex. You need like a two week break. No, I get lost in it. And I just, the way they put the whole puzzle together and then Maynard's voice and all of that. And then I just, the way they put the whole puzzle together, and then Maynard's voice and all of that, I mean, it's there like a, you know, a next level band.

And then also what fucked me was, I was doing stand up when they came up, so I've always been trying to catch up with them. Like I'm always a couple albums behind, which feels like grades, you know what I mean? I mean, this is a complimentary way. Like you don't just put on a tool record, be like, oh yeah, that's catchy.

Yeah, and then when buying tapes and all of that shit went away, they weren't on anything that I was downloading from, and I didn't want to steal from them. So then they put out like, I don't know, three or four of the masterpiece. So I have to try to like, you know take it easy Go back. Yeah, I mean this shit to me is the same way. It's like hey listen to this zap album and the first thing

I mean what the fuck is I don't know what's going on. I'm never listen to zap. Yeah, I'm sorry. Oh my god Dude, Deroza was always into them and like I was just gonna do this. This just sounds like I can't I mean I know the great musicians. I don't what's going on here. Yeah, it took me like 20 years now listen going like oh, man This is fucking amazing see I don't know what's going on here. Yeah, yeah. It took me like 20 years and now listen going like, oh, man, this is fucking amazing. See, I don't mind just like a guy with a guitar. Yeah, I don't know. And that's it. You know what did get old? At first, it was, was, was the guitar player and just a drummer.

Well, the light stripes came out and I was like, oh, shit, this is fucking amazing. And then like 50 people did it after that. Now I've seen bands in New York, sometimes I go see like some little shows, just some like newer bands. And no drummer, just bass and guitar, and they'll have like one of those like, not like a synth, but some kind of like,

keyboard, beatmaker type thing. I was gonna say who's- And I kinda like that. Yeah, well there you go. There's this band glom. I Like them GLOM. Oh, all right. Yeah, yeah, they only have like they've like no views But I'm like I've seen them a couple of times now and they're like amazing. Oh, I never finished my point Go ahead. Yeah, go go back generation X is there's all of these stupid fucking things out there where they go and like you know

You know we grew up in the 70s and 80s, and they start showing like shit we did at the playground, like we're fucking veterans or something, and then they go like, you know, nobody complained when we were kids, because no one was like, everybody did. But I also had that. I also had, I feel like I'm like the last generation

of kids that had that like abuse. Abuse, Abuse. You don't think this kids like a hallowed father. You know what I mean? I'm sure there are kids, but I'm saying also freedom. I mean, could also be go outside and don't come home until 10 and you're a nine year old. But there was abuse.

Now there's abuse in these kids. Don't get to leave home. Yeah, but they also have a freedom of that they can go around the world with a fucking device in their hand I mean, it's unbelievable if you actually were smart and use the internet. I can't imagine what you could learn In C as opposed to me. Well, these the screens are insane because I've been looking after my girlfriend's nephew while I've been in town He's like almost two and they don't let them do screen time. But if you give him a screen, he's zonked out on me. You know what I'm saying?

Miss Rachel, this Miss Rachel. Yeah, I finally have, she's ruining the kids. Well, I've realized, yeah, I feel like using your phone in front of your kids is like smoking in front of them. Yeah. Because then they want it and they literally like zon out and it's a really easy way to control your kids. Yeah, yeah. me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, I didn't use earbuds. So January 6th, Union Hall, what is Union Hall? It's like a little performance base.

They always have like stand up back. It's like the bellhouse in Brooklyn, I guess you'd consider those like little alt rooms. Right, it's like, I do like a monthly there just a room material outside of the clubs. Oh, that's cool. So where are you based out of? I'm in Brooklyn.

Oh, you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It blows my mind how much Brooklyn has changed. Yeah. I mean, I wasn't there before, but I'm Brooklyn when I moved to New York in the 90s was fucking terrifying. The fashion district. Whatever the fuck you call it. I don't know if that even exists in Manhattan. Yeah. After five o'clock, the sun went down. That was in Manhattan. Yeah. I was on like 20 Summ Street. I remember they reopened catcher rising star and I'd have money for a cab and I would take the fucking six train down or something. I would walk and where was it? It was it was way on

the west side. So I would always be like running to try not to be late. And I you we walked on the street. You felt like you were in escape from New York because it was all of this trash on on the street from like you know the days work. And then everything was like, the metal things were all pulled down and it was just really dirty and fucking dingy. It was like during the day,

it was this crazy level of activity. And then once that started getting more developing like residential and businesses and restaurants, the other one was down there, the World Trade Center, Tribeca and all that, like that place after hours, during a weekday was a terrifying place to go. I actually was down there.

It was like, I was coming back and I got off in the wrong stop on September, it would be ninth, so it was September. By the time I got down there, it was the early hours of September 10th, 2001. And I got off at the World Trade, because I fucked up, I remember I was coming up from Philly and this the Penn Station in New Jersey,

and I was going to Penn State in New York and I fucked up and I got off the wrong one and I got on the next path trade, it took me to the World Trade. And I was so fucking pissed because I was like, this is gonna be nobody down there. I'm not gonna be able to get a cab. And I fucking came out of the world trade

and I saw this cab. Yo, yo, yo, and he saw me. I totally looked out and sprinted. Never looked up at him. You know, I took it for granted. I had no fucking idea. Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Wow. That's a magic. Well, imagine if comedy clubs went to Monday night. Have you ever told that before? Yeah, I haven't even said it in shame because it was just like it was sort of like I mean the right right before it was literally about Yeah, about oh my gosh Yeah, just a wrong stop. Yeah, good off the road stop I mean, it was like there's there. There was no danger there. It was just like, what was gonna happen where I was?

And my whole mindset when I got out was just like, I'll get a cab and get out of here. I'm like, you fucking idiot. Yeah. You gotta get down here and the train's like, you know, the train's at that time. You still run every half hour. Right, missing a stop.

Missing a stop is one of the worst. Sometimes I just forget to get off and then I'm like, oh fuck, I gotta go back to union. Hey, I did, I do have a bone to pick with you though. Go ahead. You're a bit about F-150s and pulling the mirrors in and stuff. I have an F-250, so it's just that also apply because I have to pull my mirrors in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look, that made so many people mad and they're like, oh, you don't work with your hands, I'm like, okay. Okay, why? Yeah, I'm like, tell you, like 40% of the time when I pull my marry and I think about your joke.

I mean, just for, I mean, it is really just about my dad and he has a GMC, so, you know, that's just where that came from. And what is it, Joe, instead of pulling it in, what is it? Why don't you take a good, long hard look in it, you know, and reflect? Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I mean, that's a fun one to do.

I mean, that's always fun to do. And like, to me, I mean, in whatever, where people have those and they need them. Well, yeah, and most people at good sports, all right? Yeah, of course. You know, some people get mad and then it'll be the wives or whoever is at the random show seeing me, unfortunately, you know, that just showed up at the comedy club they like it

more and then you know you get the look over and then the guy gets mad you know I'm really just thinking about go bananas and Cincinnati those are ruffle he's a green couch still in the fucking I think maybe I was there the week before they went to the Super Bowl Do that thing and that was a night that was a nightmare bill That was a nightmare because it was fun club. Yeah, it was it would have been fun and they were the shows were all packed You know, it's not really in Cincinnati. It's a little out But I mean, you know everybody was the happiest they'd ever been because the Bengals were about to go to the Super Bowl So they were so they are wasted and I'm trying to run this hour. Oh,

you're going on Monotone. Yeah, who day? Who day? Literally, I have a clip of people just yelling who day. I was wearing like some like Nike's that had like an orange accent and someone was just like immediately. They were like Bengals colors. I was like I could I could not. Do you watch football at all? I watch some, you know what? You see a fellow guy? Yeah, I'm a big CFL fan. NHL, what do you watch? You don't watch NHL?

No, I watch NHL NBA. I used to be big into NFL, but I kind of gave it up, but I'm a big NHL. I watch the bronze games. You do, I'm kind of like, I sort of have fucking time anymore. I can become a that guy, I can't talk. That's fine. I can't name the names anymore. I can become a that guy. I can't talk that's fine I can't name the names anymore. I don't even know honestly just like I don't even like talking about it sports

I would rather just watch it and get a little escape What's my thing? Yeah, so what do you do? What how do you waste your time on this plane? How do I waste my time? Yeah? I don't know I walk my dog It's not waste of time, that's a good thing. Yeah, you could call it waste of time. I go to Prospect Park, you know. I go to the library, I hang out with friends, we play basketball, you know. I play it. You're saying you have a very healthy life. Yeah, I go to the library, that's amazing. I mean, yeah, I mean, I got sober like three years ago, and so I just you know, I don't know.

Alright, cook food. What was your drug of choice? I mean, I was, I mean, you don't have to say it. I mean, yeah, you know, I was into drinking and then I would do like some pills and stuff like that and just like what everybody's doing. People are doing pills, huh? Yeah, it's nice how I get dead. Are you doing pills? Are you doing the pills? Yeah, it's nice. I'm gonna get dead. Are you doing pills? Are you doing the pills? Yeah, I mean that shit

That's how all those fucking Starlets used to die back in the day Yeah, they take downers and then everybody was always having a couple of martinis to unwind and then you didn't wake up Well, I broke my collarbone and in high school. Listen. I want to hear your excuse No, I broke my collarbone in high school and then they gave me some stuff and then that's kind of how whatever happened. And not a dependency, but then I was like, it was like the pandemic.

And that happens. That happens. I have a dear friend of mine. Had that happen. Yeah. Yeah, they give you this really intensive stuff. That's the kind of thing that fucking bugs me though, is that they can do that shit

and they can turn you into a fucking addict. Off of a collarbone. Yeah, and nobody gets in trouble for that shit. No. And then they spend their time nitpicking. And buying art. What's buying? Well, you know the Sackler family who created all that,

they had wings in every art museum. Oh, they do? Yeah, which they're taking down now. They got people hooked on synthetic heroin and then turn around and they bought like... Yeah, it's something like the family, the Sackler family, they're the same ones. They created volume when that was big.

And then they're also like, what is it? What is the new big opiate that everyone wants to get? They get a big standing ovation from the volume crowd though. I mean, that didn't kill people the way like the opioids did, right? I mean, I guess you don't really know because I feel like it probably killed a lot of people's decision-making because it was basically they're just giving it

and marketing it to like, you know, wives, stay at home moms. Oh yeah. Which like, seems like a hell. Now they just market exercise equipment to them. Yes, that's healthy too. No one is a good. Those spin classes.

Yeah, how many people bought that stupid Peloton bike and I was just sitting there? Oh, so many people have that. That's hanging on the head. Well, you know, sometimes I do like moving jobs in New York and that's always a big one. Moving people's Pelotons. That's a bitch, right?

Yeah. I imagine the base is probably, it's an awkward weight. Well, it's only, whoever grabs the front. That's the worst part? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because that's where the wheel is, which is heavy. And you know, they gotta take the screen off and it's a whole thing.

So you help people move too? Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes. You just get all kinds of time with this sobriety, to? Sometimes, yeah, sometimes. You just get all kinds of time with this sobriety, huh? Well, no, I mean, that I have to do because you know, I'm on, that's a little under the table. I honestly shouldn't even be talking about as a Canadian, you know what I mean? I'm down here stealing the under table jobs, but no, a lot of comedians work for this moving company.

That might, that's my thing. Like you just said that is a little joke. You make, fuck, I'm 50 bucks every once in a while to help somebody move. I feel like news channels and stuff would focus more on that than they would on somebody coming up with synthetic heroin and causing all of this death and misery and all of that. That's why I kind of stopped watching all of that shit because I was just like, this is just clear.

This is all anti-people. Look's like anti people. Yeah, look at this look at this. Yeah. Yeah, so and that's why when people are like this guys never worked with his hands I'm like, okay, well, I've done a four floor walk up in August in the summer With like with the pay the boxes in a Peloton. Yeah, yeah, I want to reply I want to be like well, you don't actually know, but you know, I don't want to blow up my spot Like I just did on this podcast You know the amount of people that drive trucks that don't work with their hands You're looking at what that's what I'm talking about. You're in when you're in Dallas and in Houston I mean every pickup truck looks like it just came off the showroom Well, and that's my problem too with like I mean gas prices are so high and that's a part of that joke is there

There always met you guys mad about the gas. I'm not gonna give a fuck about gas. Oh, I mean, you ain't doing good. No, I never get it. But some people do care. Some people, it's like a maybe talking one. I'm not even care. They do care. It's like one of the only five things they talk about.

That's one that patriotic. Yes. The patriotic when, if we go, you know, bombs and people. Well, that's why they want to go bomb some people. Yeah, go bomb some people. So the gas is too much. The industrial, military, complex,

whatever you want to call it. I think we're figuring it all out. I mean, I think I could on it. So I have like a movie. I was really going on in Canada because I don't buy Michael Moore's version of Canada. What was his version? Well, he did this fucking documentary and he's like,

you know, you don't have to lock your doors and everybody's all fucking whoopie doopie. I mean, you definitely have to lock your door. I would lock your door. I would lock your door. I would lock my door anywhere. I had a friend who never locked his door. He was like, you shouldn't that you couldn't and then he comes down here

and then he shows somebody buying a fucking rifle in a bank and he's sitting there looking down. So he, you know, and it's creative editing to make everybody look fucking stupid and then everybody up there in Canada be like, oh, sure. And everybody in Canada likes to be like, yeah, we don't have guns.

I mean, that is kind of like the main issue because everybody here has a gun. And we don't have that one. We don't really have like, you can't get a handgun. Oh, you can't get a handgun up there? I mean, yeah, I mean, I had a friend he has had a hunting rifles. Is that why you guys fight on the ice?

That's why we fight it. That's why we're such goons. That's why we're such goons is because we can't just shoot someone. We fight that's why we're such goons. That's why we're such goons is because We can't just shoot someone I'd be all for getting rid of guns if you could actually do it Yeah, I mean you can't you can't it's over. It's it's out there. You can't it's done. Have you ever shot one? Yes, and you liked it I mean, he's fun. Yeah, it's fucking fun shooting. You feel like a badass. I like, I love the way they look. I mean, what's the thing about guns? I'd, I'd owed him to look at him.

Just because I liked the way they look, especially if like, just to have the dirty, hairy gun. I think, I mean, it's, it's fucked up to say, but it's gorgeous. No, I do like, I like a old revolver. I like a revolver. Yeah. I just think it's fucking bad ass. That's bad ass.

And I also, I think that you should only get six attempts To shoot someone yeah, you know, I think only bullets only six bullets. Yeah, I feel like those semi automatic and fully automatic Those are for pussies like it's just like those are like everybody gets a trophy. Yes, like everybody gets a kill Like if you can't squeeze off six and hit whatever you're mad at that I mean you lose it's like a carnival game carnival game You get three tribes you get twice as many tries with a fucking revolver. You got to have a good You've seen those big banana those extended fucking magazines. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah It's no there's like why don't you learn how to shoot better? It also doesn't look good aesthetically

Compared to the revolver. It's like a crooked dick. Yeah, hang it off You know what's an elephant dick? You ever see the elephants just walking by. You ever see those videos of the big swinging fog. And you know Bill, I don't tend to look sad. You look sad. You look sad. Well, you look at animal videos.

It's very specific. I see animal videos. It's not animal porn. It's like you're gonna be the other animal under bath. I was insane. You were watching that. Hey, you know, you see things. You see things on the internet.

You see things, you know. You see things that you can't see. Yeah, so talk to me about your bubble again I saw donkey kill a fucking hyena the other day on the internet. Oh my mind. I would love to see that I didn't even know they're in the same little situation. They I guess they're very protective of Of the farm animals and they're very protective of the order and he grabbed this fucker by the back of the scruff of his neck Like a dad beating the shit out of some punk, grabbed him by the scruff and just kept slamming the thing

on the ground and the thing was showing his teeth but it doesn't have the ability to do the three stooages poke the eyeballs and he fucking killed the thing. Yeah, yeah, that's the kind of stuff on the internet. Yeah, well that's what I was trying to, what was I trying to find the other day? It was something a bear verse something else because it sort of fascinated me. I saw a grizzly bear kill the black bear. Again, they're not supposed to run into each other and he got super territorial. I love bears. I fucking hate bears.

Why do you hate a bear? Because like a California bear that gets into trash is just like a big raccoon. No, my thing about bears is the way that they kill you. Like if I was gonna get killed, if I had to choose between a mountain lion and a bear, mountain lion all day. Okay. I'll get more of a little bit

and then it's going right to the neck and then you're done. I'm done. But a bear is playing with you a little bit. Well, it's eating through your back to break your fucking spine, whatever the fuck it's doing. It's just, it starts to me, it's eating through your back to break your fucking spine. Whatever the fucking is doing. It's just it starts to me. It's like you're like sushi. You have a lot of intrusive thoughts about being killed by animals. Ah, yeah. You want to hear my top three? Yes. Top three. And no particular. I love that you got favorite. Oh, brilliant. No particular order. Sharks.

I mean, terrible. Terrible. Bear. Bear. Commoto dragon. Okay. And what's the... The through line of all of them is they're eating you

while you're still alive. Yeah, yeah. And then with sharks. You're drowning as well. Just with a flare. Yes. You throw drowning in there. Yeah.

Yeah, the sharks terrify me. And that's probably why I don't go in like those. I don't at all. Even a lake. I don't go that's probably why I don't go in like those. I don't at all. Even a lake. I don't go in the ocean. I don't go in the forest. Yeah. I would never go in the forest. No, not on the forest. You're like a nice hike. I love a hike. I like a hike on a big fucking hill and all the way around it, it's surrounded by civilization. So then I know, you know, you're like a walk. Listen, I can deal with the coyote, but even then, you know, you're like a walk. Listen, I can deal with the coyote,

but even then, you know, they're always. I got a little sister, she goes into the mountains for like three days. What a champs. Okay, and she's Canadian without a gun. You're Canadian without a gun. She might have like a flare or a bear spray or something. Yeah, yeah, it's psychotic and she's 21.

And she's tiny. And she's 21 and She's tiny she's tiny She loves to do it. She's a human slider. Yeah, yes, I Mean I would never I mean I like bears but from a distance listen. I love all of those animals I'm not in a reptile There's just like mammals think they have a vibe. I don't like the snake that they seem alive This same sister she was dating a guy. I think how they broke up. I could not stand them.

But he had a snake as a pet. And that to me is, or whatever we talk about, like whatever red flag is, I'm like, I know. It's literally, it's the representation of Satan. That's, and he has his pet. And I'm like, he doesn't, but that's the represent of the weakness of women. There's as a pet. And I'm like, he doesn't, but some represent the weakness of women.

Something about women. Isn't that how the gay people that started the Catholic church, the gay people in hiding? Yes, yes, yes. The closet of gay said something, and it's about women. And they had to pick something

that sort of was shaped like a dick so they could stay interested. That's the right story. They had to stay interested. These are all facts here, people. These are all facts. Well, I need a spot like Union Hall, where I can just fucking do it once a week.

Yeah. I'm getting ready. I'm going to do another special next year. And then what number is that? I don't know. I like that you number is that? I don't know. I like that you don't know. I don't know. It's just more like,

I've done what I can with this thing. Yeah. These ideas are good, they're ready to go. Yeah. And I saw you after, I think you taped, in that spot in Denver, that big outdoor, what is that red rocks? Red rocks, which I went to when I was just at the comedy

where I used to visit and I'm like, that place is crazy. I was like, such a fun craft. I was like, how do you do stand up there? Well, it helps if you're a draw. Like I wouldn't want to just go there. Well, no, I could admit it. But I'm saying if 10,000 people don't know you,

like I wouldn't want to open, because I did that. Yeah. I did stand up there in front of an animated special. And they were showing cartoons or whatever. Yeah. And I was working the comedy work, so they said, hey, they want some comedians to go up there and perform.

I was like, oh, fuck. Red Rocks, you kidding me? That's cool. I would love to. And I went up there and it was not, it was not, it wasn't like they were hostel. It's just like they didn't give a fuck. They weren't listening.

Yeah, but I did notice in that special to you kind of riff off the top to kind of get yourself in and then it felt like you were riffing to kind of settle down or like get, it's just so crazy to walk out and do that. No, that's just what I do to avoid my act. Cause that was, that special was like, not, I was just documenting being there,

and then it came out good, so I was like, all right, let's put this out. But like, I was just being like, well, when am I ever gonna get to be here again? This would be really cool. Yeah. Let me film this. It's like, Fenway, it's like,

I'm not gonna put that out as a special, but like, I do wanna be able to someday watch it and be like, wow, man, I can't believe that happened. Yeah, are those venues you had in your mind like before you've done them? Oh, no, yeah, it seems it seems It seems delusion. Yes, when I started out like the big thing was if you could come the big club was The comedy connection in Fanny will haul and I'm ever seen like it's just so crazy Damon Wayans All right from when living color was at its height, I remember he came down there and sold out six shows and nothing flat. And it was

like a 400 cedar, it was 2,400 seats and it was just like, there just wasn't comics doing that. It was just, I can't explain it. It was like bands were huge, but comedians, there was sort of this ceiling and every once in a while, like I want to say that like, with the craziness of the internet now, like if you weren't in living color then, you would have done an arena. Right. But back then, the way the whole thing worked out

is you went clean in a comic club, which is still a shitload of money, which was amazing. And there was only a couple guys. It was like that were just doing theaters. It was like Bill Cosby, George Carlin, and I don't know who else. There was only a couple of guys that were actually playing like theaters, but like if you were one of the biggest people out there, you were selling out comedy clubs.

So the dream wasn't any bigger than that. Right. Like I never thought, because Dice had done MSG, but he was like Dice. It was just like, you know, Steve Martin had done like Nassau Coliseum. I have that record that Dice did. Like, I think it's the day of the laughter that I'd where he went down to Danger Fields after MSG. And was it after him? I think it's, I mean, the lore to me is that he did MSG. Was that after him? I think it's, I mean, the lore to me is that he did MSG and then he went down and he like, whatever bombed, you know what I mean? And put that record out, which I don't think it's, I don't think he's bombing, but I do

like when the people walk out and the guy yells, you're about as funny as a bag of milk. I mean, you can like hear like crystal clear on the vinyl. as funny as a bag of milk. You can like hear like crystal clear on the vinyl. It's yeah, no, that's an amazing, amazing fucking album. Yeah, so the dream was like, the dream was, I'll get to the point where you're selling out comedy clubs and then show business would come around and they would try to build an act around your act Sure to a sitcom you know, and I was a young

Ideological ideal I would have a fucking angry guy. Yeah, I was just like fuck sitcoms. They're not funny Yeah, I'm the same I can do the same way. I'm like no SNLs for fucking nobody I guess the only thing I want is just to like sell out clubs. No, I wanted to do Moves. I wanted to do I what I wanted to do was be a comic that could sell off the comedy connection And then I wanted to be in like badass fucking movies like you know fucking Rambo movies and shit like Like a drama or like state of grace and stuff like that. Yeah, like I really You know movies were like a huge thing. Yeah when I was growing up. Of course. I feel like they're slowly coming back I hope so because that's what I'm doing right now. Yeah, yeah, you're doing movies now

Well, I mean I finally made one here at ATC and then you know, it did really well So it looks like we're gonna get an opportunity to make another one. So I just look at it like, if it's going away, I don't give a fuck. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah, you got to do it.

Cause I'm still gonna do it. Cause I like doing it. I really like movies. And then I look at like, you know, Quentin Tarantino who's like buying movie theaters out here Yeah, he's just gonna show movies and stuff like I like he's saying this is his last movie and I'm like if this is really his last movie And he just made ten epic movies That's a good and then he retires and he runs a couple of movie theaters

I mean, I don't know the guy at all, but I would have to say if you told like little Quentin Tarantino whatever whatever, how many years ago, that that was gonna be his life, he'd be like, that is fucking perfect. Yeah, I mean, I've, people, I have friends that we talk about, like, what are we gonna do? Cause, you know, you kinda don't wanna do stand up forever.

No, it, it's mostly, ends bad if you do that. You know, like, there's, there's some people where it's like, oh, cool, yeah, you can keep going and you can be current and like there's like great examples, like a pepaton or something, but like for the most part, it's on a smaller scale. It's like, you know, kind of embarrassing to keep going. No, if you, no, being out there because you have to be.

Yes. Yeah, I don't want to be that guy, but like, that's a good point. But then I've also been like, so what are you going to do after? And I'm like, I don't know, maybe that guy, but like that that's a good point but then I've also been like so what are you gonna do after and I'm like? I don't know maybe like I would like like a candy shop That's funny me and Ferzi talk about having a cigar bar like a cigar bar. Yeah, I guess that's the adult version of that What is? You haven't got to raise candy shop? I've been there, yeah.

You get an egg cream. I did from the old man. The first time ever was fucking delicious. He was working too. No, he wasn't. It was his protege. Oh yeah, whatever. Yeah, I like that.

That's happening. There's this butcher shop, Albinese meats. And it's like the only kind of Italian butcher lift. And now the granddaughter is running it. Oh, thank God. No, see that's a big thing. I go to that. I go.

Like, what am I leaving behind? If I have a child, are they going to have to do stand up? I'm like, no. I know. I thought about that the other day. And what was your conclusion? As far as like what I'm leaving behind? Yeah.

I would just have it more be in the realm of like, you know, he didn't, you know, he hurt some people, but not too many. Oh yeah. Overall, he was, you know, he had his moments where he was kind of a decent guy. I don't really think about that type of shit. I was, wait, I got depressed about how old I was a couple nights ago.

But then I also don't have like a fear of like, like, I'm going to die and be judged and this person's going to be mad at me. It's just so clearly invented by human beings that that's what the fuck happened. Yeah, I also don't think you're old. I think you would say prime. And I'm not just being complimentary, but I mean, that's just more of a hopeful thing. Well, I'm just thinking,

I'm almost 30, so I'm like, I'm like, what is this gonna end up like being? 40 to 55 was the fastest 15 years of my life, and the next 15, I'm 70. So yeah, I mean, it does go by fast, but I always just turn around and I just always think like, well, there's nothing I can do about it. Um, but I, I, and I always try to get out of that mindset because, you know, what I find with older people, what we do is when we turn 30, we're wishing we were in our 20s

in our 30s. And then you get in your 40s and you're wishing you're in your 30s when you're in your 40s and you were wishing during your 30s when you're in your 40s And then you 50s you wish you were in your 40s or 30s or whatever and you don't enjoy like this because you're sort of buying into You know kind of like what you see on TV or on your phone or whatever that like it's all about being young Yeah, yeah, well also I also that's why people are obsessed with nostalgia, which I always find like so gross. You know, like for like a broad example of like a Disney people, but they're like 40. And weird.

Yeah, it's really weird. Yeah, those adults, people of diversity and Bobby Kelly were talking about that, the adults that have like a a season ticket to Disney and they buy like the ears Well, it's only cuz Vegas like sucks now. I think Are you blaming Vegas? I didn't see that yeah, I'm blaming Vegas, you know like that Yeah, yeah Vegas isn't like cool anymore, you know, so now people want to go on a fucking ride a little coaster You know, but if Vegas was still cool, if it was still casino. If it's not gonna be cool,

it's really not gonna be cool. And I'm gonna be cool. It's so not cool. I mean, Vegas makes me sick. That's why I was thinking, you know, people were always like talking about the job crisis in America, but I'm like, I've been to Vegas

and I'm like, people go there with their families and I'm like, how the fuck do they afford this? What job crisis? What job crisis? Cause these people have money. Yeah. So either they're lying to you or it's just maxing out of credit card.

Yes. Yes. I actually did meet someone and they used to, their dad used to take them to Vegas as a kid, but he would, he would try to make or break the money for the vacation there, which is just a whole other traumatic situation. Oh boy. It's a whole other traumatic situation.

Oh boy, it's a sucker born every moment. You know, it's funny how much shit has changed. Like I feel like when you stop being able to buy like, is a souvenir in ash tray of the casino you stayed at. Okay, I've never been heard of this. For me, you know, the souvenir is when that stopped that I used to feel like I would get all the time because it's going like road trips as a kid Is the penny Remember you put the penny in the thing. Yeah, you twist it, but it would cost you a dollar to press it Yeah, that's done and then people like that's actually a felony because you desecrated money

Yeah, and you're like well this machine does that and there's no cops here, so Well, I feel like you and I could drive across the country and we would never run out of shit to talk about like, you know what else is fucked up? And then you would make some weird, like, I never would have connected Vegas with Disney. I was saying that that has to do with like, but they're the similar, they're similar like things,

you know? Entities, they are. They are. Yes, they suck people in and they ruin them. All right, well then, so is religion. They're legit. Sure, I agree. They're on a larger scale. Well, you can paint with a broad brush here.

Yeah, but that's all brushes are broad. Well, then, not they got those little ones with pores and drugs. I'm a paint by, I'm a paint by numbers guy, Bill. You can be gambling. And then you get over here like, I would know I like those people that have the season tickets you wanted to they have such a great childhood. Oh, is it such a bad as a day doing the Michael Jackson thing where they had no childhood. So then I want to ride around with chuchu.

Yes, yes, yes. Well, you know what with with Michael, I think it was like about a whole other thing. I mean, but I about a whole other thing. But I- Who knows? Who knows? That's my thing though, like it's just like, but he got acquitted. It doesn't make any, I guess if you're rich,

you just get off. I don't know. I have no fucking idea. All I know is one time I flew over Never Neverland. Yeah. Ooh. He flew over it. Yeah.

Just to see what was up. They said it would never land ranches out there. What year? Listen, I was with flying with somebody else and then I goes, yeah, you're up in Santa Enez and he goes, look at that mountain, you see that triangle, he goes, it's to the left of that. Is that still up there?

Yeah. That ranch is still there. Yeah, some of the rides were taken down. Some of the rides were taken down. I can tell you this. Was it a mechanical failure? From the air? Doesn't look good.

Okay. Cause we flew up, we're like, oh my God, there it is. And you're thinking like Michael Jackson, and then you look at it, and you think about what he got accused of. And you're like, oh God, what the fuck in that? Yeah, yeah, there's some rust on those rides. I'm not gonna go down that road.

That's just, no, no, no, that's, yeah, it's not fun. It's a dark thing. Well, I really appreciate you coming on my podcast. I think you're an amazing talent. Thank you, Bill. Your January 6th, we're gonna take that day back, man. I can't see that. And you, we're gonna normalize.

We're gonna normalize January 6th. All of that speak. I'm an empath. January 6th at Union Hall in Brooklyn. Go check this guy out. Well, you can still see him in a small place like that. I think you're an amazing, amazing comedian and a fascinating person to talk to. Thank you so much. Oh, thanks for being here. Coming on on Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcasts. Have a great weekend. You're cunts and I'll see you on Monday. money, money, money, podcast. Have a great weekend, your cuts, and I'll see you on Monday.

Hey, what's going on, it's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, December 7, 2015. Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but you're who has sold the light full. How so delightful. So if you don't fucking mind spread your legs, sorry, hey, it's December everybody. December to remember. Happy holidays. Oh, it's the holiday season. So Merry Christmas, I don't give a fuck if you find that offensive. Cause then you're kind of shitting on my religion. Is Merry Christmas still offensive to people? I can't wait for somebody to wish me a happy honeycomb. I'm going to blow a gasket. How dare you? I'm dare you say something nice from your religion.

How fucking dare you? I kind of fucked up this year with my Christmas shopping where, you know, who's getting who? When you're married, it's all about getting your fucking wife something that's gonna keep her fucking app shut for maybe two, three days. Who's getting who? You know what I mean? Are they ever really happy with you? I'm asking. You know something, let's try to spend this in a positive way. If you have a wife, okay? If you're a gay dude and you know, you feel like you're more the dude, right? And you're your fucking, your husband is always pitching a fit of just everything, you know what I mean? And you're just sitting there going what the fuck is with this dude?

Why can't he just fucking can you just can you get a run together of four days of just being generally happy with me? Okay, if anybody is in that situation and you have figured out a way To somehow get that to get that person to the fifth day because you please email me and tell me what your strategy is? I don't give a shit male female. It's not like there's some bitchy guys out there. You know, I'm sure women deal with that Some moody motherfucker. I should talk. I'm pretty fucking moody But generally speaking, I like to think I'm in a good mood, but I'm just saying you know what I mean? So anyway, so I go out You know, and I got my wife, the gift and you know, the gift, you know, everything else is just to fill up the space underneath the tree.

You know, you get her some fucking sweatpants, you know. No, no, no, I just, you know, I forget you could wear them, hang around the house. I'm not saying you got to go to the gym. You know, you get her, you know, some mittens, you know, some beef jerky is sticking in the stock, and you're just trying to flesh it out at that point. You've already dropped a ton of cash, right? And God knows, what the fuck is she gonna, what's she gonna get for you, huh?

One of those pumps to pump up that sports illustrator, football you got like 15 years ago when your team won a championship. Well, what the fuck, I can't even, like I'm trying to think the last time I heard a guy friend of mine get excited about whatever the fuck he got for Christmas. You know what I mean? What were the broads still? Okay, they expect something big for their husband and then they go out and they blow the cash on all the kids. They don't give a fuck about you.

You know what I mean? You like that fucking third shift night you know security guard of the house. That's basically what it is. You know I mean if she could if she could build a little fucking outhouse you know right next to the front door and you could just sit in there all night with a clipboard checking people in and out and say walking in out of the house you know we're in a little uniform. Uh, afternoon, Mrs. Me, how are you? I'm really being overdramatic right now. My situation isn't that bad, but you exaggerate for comedic effect. So anyway, so I got the big gift out of the way.

I got the big one, you know? The one that, you know, won't make her sulk until Valentine's Day. Generally speaking, all right. I don't give a fuck how cool your wife is, okay? It's just they slide into sulking, you know, just a way like those mid 80s jaguars always had fucking electrical problems.

It's the same fucking thing. They can't help it. It's a design flaw. Jesus, I'm going hard this week. Um, what am I trying to say here? So I went and I got the big thing and I kind of just, I don't know, I just felt like because I got the big one out of the way. So early I had all of this fucking time.

Now all of a sudden it's December 7th. There's only fucking whatever. Seven people are shopping days, but, you know, unless you got a shop Christmas morning, then I guess you got 18, but at that point, what are you doing, picking lemons off, you fucking neighbors tree. So I gotta get some shit done,

but I have to hype my cartoon that's coming out. F is for family, This is the big push. In fact, this morning, it starts. I'm going to go do some radio here and I'm going to New York City next week. And then I come back out here to LA and I do a whirlwind tour of, um, you know, doing some press. So I'll definitely be going into Opie and Jimmy before everybody asks. They always add you go, you go, doing some press. So I'll definitely be going into OP and Jimmy before everybody asks, they always ask, you're going to go, you're going to go,

why wouldn't I, when I buy not? Bill, maybe that's asking because they want to hear you on the show. All right, you know, fair enough, fair enough. So today I'm doing the podcast, then I'm doing the press and then I have to do a little bit of Christmas shop and I got a fucking knock it out of the next three days. I got to get the, you know, I got to flesh out the cast here, right? It's like I got a shitty fucking sitcom script, you know, and I already signed on the movie star

that is in selling tickets in the movie theater anymore. So I got my fucking lightning rod of fame. And now I just got to flesh it out with shit that's gonna prop it up, that's gonna compliment it. You know what I mean? So that's what my goal is. And, you know, I'll tell you another year without kids it's starting to fuck with me, but I

got to be honest with you after watching that whole fucking not even watching I got in the car my wife listens to and fucking Pia! Morning becomes a classic. That was the electric eel band doing their version of ACDCs back in black on a Viola. You'd like to download that, that's available, let go fuckyourself.com. So she had on NPR and I got in the car and I was driving down the street

and I guess it was some big global warming summit. And at this point, not even the corporate cuts can deny that we're having an effect. And now that they finally came around and said, yeah, we are affecting it. They then quickly said, but at this point, it's too late. So basically, we might as well continue on what we're doing. And it's just like what?

I mean, that's the same thing. Like I remember when Pete Rose finally admitted that he was gambling on baseball. After 20 fucking years, no, I know I never gamble on baseball. I never gamble on baseball. I never gamble on baseball five years later. I never gamble on baseball. Ten years, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, yeah, I gabbled on baseball. Okay, there. Now, now let me in the hall. It's like, wait a minute, wait, wait a second. You know, he was already rounded second

thinking he was going to the hall. Helmet flew off, right? Gonna slide in head first to third. Same fucking thing. So that just made it, so it's just gonna get worse. And they just sort of non-shallantly talked about the halacious world in the future that our children and our children's children are

going to have to live in and I just kind of maybe feel like, you know, maybe it should end with me. So that's uplifting. Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. We don't like that song. We feel that there's sexual undertones, jingle all the way as in going all the way. And you know, the snow is white, you know, technically speaking, so is your giz. If you were to draw it, it's more of a, uh, who's your cream pie, sort of color. Oh my God, what am I doing? I'm talking about not having children, I'm comparing snow to jizz, this is just, what is this? You know what this is?

It's fucking entertaining. The listen to somebody slowly going off the rails during the holidays, I gotta tell you, it's gotta be a fun thing. Oh, I did a podcast, I'd hit that podcast, which is actually a drummer podcast. And if you saw some of the guests that they've had on there, professional fucking drummers, you know, of the highest order you'd be like, well, what the fuck did they have this clown coming on there for?

I'd say, you know, everyone, that's one of the great things about it being a comedian. You know what I mean? Every once in a while, they just bring you on some shit that you have no business being on. Stick you on a food channel or some shit like that, but it's called I'd hit that podcast. I want to thank Dave for having me on there. We talked about talks about everything, man. A little bit about drums, but I just got done doing a flight flying the helicopter, obviously. And I've been soloing everybody. I find the thing about once you get your license, you know what I

mean? And then you can legally solo. There is that pit in your stomach of like, dude, you're really going to let me go up there by myself, you know. This is whole weird thing when you learn to get your pilot's license. It's like you get to a certain point when you start getting a little cocky and you're thinking like, when is this guy going to solo me? Dude, I'm fucking ready. When the fuck is this going to happen? I can do this. Look at him.

His feet, everything is off the controls. I'm flying this fucking thing. I'm bringing it in right on the numbers. I'm doing this shit. When the fuck is this guy going to solo me? And then one day they go, all right, you're ready. And then you're like, you're really really think so. You balls shrink right up and you fucking gut. So, you know, I got my license in the end of end of May. And I had not done a solo flight since I was still a student, just being, you know, combination of busy with travel on the

road and editing the efforts for family. And then also I didn't want to solo until I took the Advanced Auto Rotation Class, which was what I did in August and September, then I had my big run coming up to the New York City Gakes. So now I finally had the time and I did three flights last week, I did one with an instructor and then the flight I did with the instructor, I did it twice, um, solo and I had to, it was fucking awesome. I flew up the 710 and actually this time I had a Dodger Stadium and did a, I fly in the right hand side, right? So I just did a right orbit over Dodger Stadium and

Then flew over to the Rose Bowl did a right orbit. So I'm working on the field Crossed El Monte admit field and then went back to Long Beach and I did fuck up one time with the radio calls because that's the big thing. It's the radio calls. I I did fuck up one time with the radio calls, because that's the big thing, it's the radio calls. I thought I was talking to Long Beach Tower, but I was actually still talking to the LA Basin, which is just basically this big giant area where everybody's flying around.

I swear to God, dude, you get better at listening, but you can't hear what some people are saying. Like those fucking people have been flying forever. You get it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1.5. You're like, what the fuck did you just say? These fucking people who fly around mumbling into the goddamn fucking radio.

It's just like, I don't for the life, I speak, I have Nancy L, you know, I fucking and Nancy ate, you know, I did basin traffic. This is helicopter, one Sierra hotel, flying base in traffic. This is helicopter. One Sierra hotel. Flying north of bound. I fucking and none see it. Everything I go slow. He's fun guy.

I was in a base traffic. I, you know what I listen to at that point. I just listen for the number. I am go 1.5. I'm like, all right. I'm going to 1000 feet. He's at 1500. Even if that fucking household's flying right at me, he's going to be 500 feet above me. But if I'm like, all right, I'm going to a thousand feet. He's at 1,500, even if that fucking asshole's flying right at me. He's going to be 500 feet above me. But if I just say, 1,000, all right, you're at the same level as me.

I have no fucking idea where you're at. So then I either go up or down 300 feet. So anyways, doing something like that, really just as far as flying, just sent my confidence through the roof and like it's just like starting a thing up and shutting it down to the whole fucking thing just doing the whole thing and you would think that that would make my confidence just in general go through the roof you know flying a helicopter solo, over the city of LA with all that fucking traffic

that's up there, I was able to do that twice last week for about collectively two hours by myself. Yet, I'm gonna make Lasagna today and I'm nervous to make the noodles some scratch. Does that make any fucking sense? I can't possibly die doing that. It just doesn't make any fucking sense? You know, I'm not going I can't possibly die doing that it just doesn't make any fucking sense right? I don't want to talk about all I know is F is for family is coming December 18th the same day

is like the 15th installment of Star Wars okay So you got a choice to make all right and I'm obviously gonna lobby For the efforts for family side, okay? Now picture this All right, you can either Stand and fucking like a four mile line next to some jerk off dress like Boba Fett of fucking Chabaka And people acting out lightsaber fights and all of that fucking thing shivering as homeless people come up to you hitting up for money and then fucking you know e-intertamist

down there high on Billy Bush that out of the order a bunch of jerk off so you don't realize in three days they could walk in like a fucking gentleman and just sit down and watch this movie. It's not going anywhere. You could get involved in that shit show or you could just sit in the comfort of your own home. You know, maybe pour yourself a glass of Hignag with some fucking bourbon in it, you know, and just sit down and binge watch all six episodes of this cartoon. Get the going you know what I mean turn on the hate whatever the fuck you want to do eat a pot cookie and the privacy you're a sit there and you're underwear do whatever the fuck you want to do or you can go down to the goddamn movie theater

and stand in a fucking maybe you have to go down there the night before you know whatever the fuck they're gonna do. I mean, I don't understand why they're still making those things other than money. Darth Vader's dead, right? He took off the helmet, he died. The good side won. It's fucking over. You keep going. But what happened before the before? What about after the after? You know, listen, the original hand solos like seven years old. Okay, the original Luke Skywalker, he's well into his 60s. You know, it's, it's over. Okay.

Star Wars people, when he just going to admit that it's fucking over, it's like my generation. Can you really sit down and watch Sesame Street once Jim Hanson was gone and hearing that weird voice coming out of Kermit the frog? It's a fucking rap. It's a fucking rap. You know what I mean? You know what I like Sesame Street? I like when they're skating around on the fucking ice. Just how weird that looks. How fucking tall they are. Who knew Bert was like six, eight? I had no fucking idea. Right? Just out there skating around. But what I love is he's not fucking

saying anything. As far as I know, I've never been to it. I've just seen the commercials. They just sort of skate around. I don't understand how they don't think that's going to scare the shit out of children. Hey, I have a great idea. Let's have fucking eight-foot puppets skating around with the exact same look on their face and their eyes don't blink for a fucking an hour and a half. Blaine Weird Circus music. You want to take your kid to that? Well, no, I don't think so. I would like my kid to become a productive member of society. Jesus Christ bill. All right, let's let's read some advertising here for the

for the week and then I'm going to tell you the story about about Jesus. This fucking lady who fucking I want to get into it because I got to put on a put on a happy face for the average eyes. What do you got this week? We got one, two, one, two, three, four, five, all right, I got five. So I'll do three and two. All right, all right. Dollar shape club, everybody. All right. Oh, Jesus, before I get into the story about the fucking lady. Let me, let's talk a couple, let's talk some NFL football. Whop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-wop-w the edit Hey, um, so the Patriots lose another one and I just have one thing to say about that

Woo! I'm actually psyched. I'm psyched that they lost another one and you know why? You know I am because right now I know all of sports talk radio is completely ignoring the fact that for the past two weeks Tom Brady has been driving a rental car All right, the fucking Maserati's in the shop The lambo's getting some rims put on it, right? Everybody thinks they're out there beating the patriots who the fuck is he throwing to? If one more fucking page you receive a twist to their ankle, I was gonna be out there You know Tom looking at me with his steely eyes the huddle. I have that look of doubt like

I just I you know I have too much shit to do. I want to listen to sports talk radio today because you yeah All this shit that they're gonna be talking about first of all, you know what that that gut wrenching bears loss Oh my god is another balding white male. I really felt for that kicker. You know, but I also like the fact that he had the balls to just walk around without a helmet on being like, yeah, this is what I look like. And God knows as a fucking kicker, I make enough money to get a hair transplant. But you know what? I'm playing the hand. I was dealt to me. That said confidence to me said that thing was going right through the fucking up Right, so what did he do he fucking hooks the thing? And it goes in overtime

So you know every fucking guy on sports talk radio today is stating the obvious I'll tell you right now you could not give teams a second chance You know fuck ball week could not give teams a second chance and you're gonna need your football league. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,

I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I Bears, I could not confidently say that if I get in with field goal range that I'm not gonna go for it on fourth down,

after that display. I'll tell you right now, if I was in head coach of the Bears, I would be really concerned about the kicking game because if your kicking game is not firing on all cylinders, if you're not on the same page, if you can't dig down deep and strap it on, you're not going to win in your age, you know, for Bobby. So you know what the Patriots right now? They're already as old-time to worry a new England. They've lost two in a row. It's fucking great. I

hope they talk all kinds of shit about the team. I am psyched. I am psyched that we have two losses right now. It's fucking perfect. As we're slowly getting more healthy, Edelman's going to come back, Ronk's going to come back, Amandola will go back to be in the third fucking choice, right? You know what I mean? We'll get our running backs back. Hopefully we'll get a couple of offensive fucking lineman back and we'll go into the playoffs healthy maybe even as an underdog at least not with the all I do an undefeated record is a fucking albatross around your god damn neck everybody gets all amped up everybody wants to fucking knock you off

look at that fucking game with the Saints yesterday that the Panthers played there's no fucking way the game is that fucking exciting if the pants of the panthers come in with one fucking loss telling you it gets people extra amped up i taped that game i i saw the highlights i'm going to watch it today um... i like i can't even tell you how much i'm rooting for the panthers to go on defeated unless they play the patriots in the super bowl but i don't think we match up well

against them. But we do obviously have the experience. But I want to see a team go undefeated. Well, I mean, there's a couple that I don't. But anybody else, other than like two fucking teams, I don't want to see them. Well, is it two? I wouldn't give a shit if the Giants did. I don't give a shit if the giant stood. I wouldn't give a

shit if the jet stood. I wouldn't give a f- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- a- on TV be like, I tell you what, now it's the L's team. The NL wants you running to and to play off. One guy said that and then 50 people have said that. I'm literally sitting on the, tell you right now, she L, C hogs, she's the one team. It's like, I got it. I got it. We get it. They were in the fucking Super Bowl. The last two fucking years, we get it.

Yeah, yeah, they know what they're doing Who doesn't know that Who wouldn't rather play a team with this shitier fucking coach with less experee? Is that a team that could possibly be dangerous? Thank you for that analysis I'll tell you right now. I mean, I mean they were like one play away from winning a Two time to the room And I'll tell you right now, do not be fooled by the Seattle Seahawks record, okay?

They got it through a slow start. They've had some injuries, they had a lot of, they lost a lot of talent, but I'm telling the team it's starting to come together, they're starting to gel, and I'll tell you, there is an excitement building in Seattle. They'll all tell you right now, I wouldn't run, Joe. He's been thinking about Seattle. They all say, right, no, I wouldn't want to run, Joe. He's been thinking about Seattle. If they play on the fucking road, I mean, it's a complete,

I tell you, a healthy Marshawn Lynch comes back. A healthy and resting Marshawn, we got it, we get it. Who doesn't know that they're a good team? My thing is, if they're on the fucking road, there's no way they make it to the Super Bowl. If they have to go on the fucking road, they're not going to make it's no way they make it to the Super Bowl. If they have to go on the fucking road they're not gonna make it. You know what I mean? The only way Seattle is truly like Seattle is if they're

playing in their own fucking stadium and they have all that extra help from that stadium that makes their fans sound louder than they really are. And I know I'm being a cont- but hey I'm a Patriots fan. If you guys are gonna question our entire legacy because we stole some signs and let a Conz here with the air pressure out of a fucking ball. I Mean, you know, you play every fucking game every every home game with that stadium. I'm not gonna break your balls back Fucking unbelievable. They were stealing signs. Yeah, that's what you do Anyways and unbelievable. They were stealing signs. Yeah, that's what you do. Anyways, I'm telling you, watch the bailer bears. You watch when you see four people

sending in signals simultaneously. You realize everybody's fucking non-onauts. Just the patriot. Okay. Okay. Santa Claus exists. He's up there right now with those little fucking elves making a toy for you, a little fucking birdhouse, right? You just stick your fucking head in, right to that little hole. Anyways, but I'm loving the Panthers, man, watching them go undefeated. And it's also how great is it to watch Cam Newton come into his own. And he is like, you know, when Brady and Peyton Manning are gone, and the next wave is what? Andrew Luck Luck Steve Mariotti whatever the fuck his name is up there in Seattle I never know the names anymore I used to

know the names I used to collect football cards like I was in two super bowls in a row what is what is name Rayman Jeannie the fuck is this fucking name all I know is he's like all I see is one story another about what a fucking boy scout he is I actually think he's still in he's in the wee below's All I know is he's like, all I see is one story or another about how what a fucking boy scout he is. I actually think he's still in, he's in the wee-beloes at this point, and he's a football player. And he actually got into scouting after he started playing football.

That's how good a person he is. He already called time out last week to help an old lady get back up to her chair in the fucking upper deck. That's the kind of person. That's what this kid is made up of. And I'll tell you right now, that is contagious in the locker room. The fuck is this? I can't even fucking remember. You know,

you got that kid Jamison down in Tampa, you got the other fucking dude there on Titans, but can't do it. It's a dude, man. You know, that guy is the fucking built. We know this. What are you gonna tell us right now? Seattle's not the fuck is as a team that no one wants to run into when the fucking playoffs. That's another thing that they always say. I tell you right now, this is a two and 17 and nobody wants to play. Like, what's funny is they always say that nobody ever says I don't want to play them. Can you imagine if a coach said that after, oh, what do you got next week? Oh, we got the fucking, we got the two and seven Jaguars. I'll tell you right now, I don't want to play it.

Coach, why don't you want to play it? Because they're the two and 17 that I don't want to play. Why wouldn't you want to play the amount of money they make per game I would fucking play anybody I'd take an ass kickin Good beat the shit out of me. I don't care Do you realize the Gucci ice bags that I can fucking buy for my body afterwards? I'll fucking play in a second My Boston bro it's my beloved Boston broans are Working their way through a West Coast trip right now. I had to come from behind twice against Edmonton and then Calgary to get one point.

But you know, they're playing all right. They're playing all right. I'm liking watching them. And I got to tell you, I keep threatening to do it, but I have to do it. Because of a certain team, I'm not going to try and jinx them here, but I'm gonna get, I gotta get the NBA package. Even if they don't break the record of the undefeated streak, which I really would love for them to do. You know, come on, man, Steph Curry, I gotta start watching this guy every night.

Like, back in the day, you know what sucks? Is they didn't have the NHL package. So as much as I got to watch Wayne Greski, I didn't get to watch the guy. You know what I mean? There was have the NHL package so as much as I got to watch Wayne Greski I didn't get to watch the guy You know I mean there was no national fucking game of the week. I had to wait till like Edmonton played the Bruins You know and I'd have to watch the fucking highlights and you'd have to score like five fucking goals for Bob Lobel They actually even talk about it Because all they would show is basically Bruins highlights unless there was a bench clearing brawl you wouldn't see it

but the fact that you could watch somebody of Steph Curry's greatness night in and night out like the fact as a sports fan that I'm not fucking doing that because I don't want to drop a hundred bucks is that that's it's inexcusable as Paul Verzi would say from the Verzi effect, it's unacceptable. It's fucking unacceptable. So, um, anyways, oh, let's still a story about the lay. So anyways, I, um, as you guys know, I've been driving a Prius for a long fucking time.

For a long fucking time. I got it in 2007. All right. And the great thing about driving an eight-year-old paid-off Prius is that it's an eight-year-old paid-off Prius. It's taken all the hits, it's taken all the lumps. It looks like a fucking prize fight or ten years after it's fucking retired. You know, and you just see the scar tissue around the eyes. You see the nose has been broken. You can fucking park that thing anyways. So anyways, for years I've had that, I've had the old 68 F100, you know what I mean? So the go-to thing was my Prius,

but if my wife needed the car and I had to drive too, it became a situation because, I don't want someone to steal my truck. It's a classic car. Some asshole out here might take it. It's always like questions of where I could take it at night. A lot of times I would end up just taking a cab. Finally, we've decided I actually went out and I got my wife.

I got her a car. Nothing too fancy, but nonetheless, it's fucking new and she loves it, right? So now I drive the old car, smart fucking move. She drives the new one, she's a happy, she's all cushy, you know what I mean? You keep him cushy, you keep him happy, right? And then when they come at you,

break in your fucking balls, you just fucking tear open the curtains and point at the car with your eyebrows up. Really? What is the problem? Then they get mad. You know, do that just to bring it in. Yeah, you tell. Yeah, you do. So anyways, you know me, okay, I don't go too big when I fucking doing that shit. So I got you know, I got a nice comfortable sensible fucking car, you know with a couple of gadgets on it or whatever right So anyway, so we decided we're gonna take it out last night We're gonna somebody's birthday fucking party and for whatever reason my wife goes

Hey, can we stop off at the supermarket and get flowers? And I go for what she goes my I feel weird You know showing up at a birthday party without like bringing anything. I just feel like weird. I go, so why would you you're gonna get her flowers? Like what was she she's sick in the hospital? That somebody die, you know? What are you in a flower spot? She goes, we just shut up and let's just go to the supermarket so I go fine I go you're a driving right so she drives we could take her car I Said hey should we take the fucking beat up Prius? She goes no, I want to drive the new guys. All right fine. We'll do that right

So we drive down the fucking street and We pull into the grocery store and I'm immediately thinking don't park next to anybody. Please don't park next to anybody and love a hold she does She goes okay. She goes I take it, you're not going in. I got not going in. I'm not going to stand in line watching you hold flowers and then pay for them. I'll never get that. I'll never get that six minutes back in my life. I'm gonna sit here and look at the scores on my phone. So she says fine. So she goes into the grocery store and all of a sudden this dude fucking pulls up and his piece of shit

beat up fucking card. It looks like a dinner roll just the classic four to a sedan is fucking wife is in the passenger seat now we're faced opposite ways You know what I mean? We pulled straight uh, we pulled in you know did that thing where there's two parking spots And you pull past the first one and into the next one. So now it looks like you backed in, but you drove into it. They came in from the other side and parked right next to me. Like me and the lady were going to start shooting the shit.

And she just opens the door until she hits the car, looks at me and closes the door and doesn't say anything. Okay? And I'm like, what the fuck? So I want to open the door and say something, but the fucking dude's there. And I'm so fucking mad. There's no way for me to communicate to the woman

in any sort of tone where he's not going to then have to fucking go, oh, yo, what's your fucking problem? And I just sat there and I just decided to just not say anything because I've done it before and it gets you nowhere. All they do is they go fuck you and give you the finger and you get into a big fuck you fuck you screaming a yelling thing. They still open the fucking door into your car. Like, what do I do? So they fucking walk in there and it literally just like ruined my fucking evening.

I just was thinking like, can you have anything nice? Can you fucking have anything nice? The fucking animals, this people out there that literally when they get out of their car, like that, that's completely acceptable to them. Because it's all about them getting that fat ass out of the fucking car that they know that they've opened the door far enough when they hit your fucking car. I had some woman do that to me like like two three years ago when my priest was actually still kind of new.

I was actually doing a phone or I had a conference call and I was sitting in my car. She pulls up next to me. just opens a door into my car, like boom, then closes the door, walks into the bank. And I'm like, what the fuck, but I'm on a conference call, right? Talking, talking, talking. She comes walking back from being in the bank, opens the door, boom, into my car again. So I go, I tell everybody on the phone, I go, hang on, I should have hit mute. So I put the window down, I go, hey, I go, you just opened your door and in my car on the way in and on the way out. She just goes, well, did it leave a mark?

And I go, I don't know. Why don't you look, wake, and I said something, something, and I told it, a wake up. You know what she did? She goes, she gives me, she stares me for half a second, and then gives me the finger and says, fuck you.'m the asshole and all I did for the rest of that conference call other than to apologize for people for You know having them listen to that and then me of course looking like a lunatic. You don't get into business with All I could fantasize about doing was fucking following her home and just absolutely destroying her car. And I would lie to you at some point, I didn't think about taking a fucking extension cord, wrapping it around her neck until

right before she passed out and then let her up. That's how fucking annoyed I was. You know what I mean? Which is why yesterday I'm a couple years older and I was just like Bill, don't say anything because at the end of the day, if they did any damage, they're not going to pay for it. It's not going to stop. She's not going to change. And all you're going to do is possibly get into a situation

where the other guy calls you out and says, come on out here so I can beat the shit out of you. And you're not going to get out of the car. You're not going to fight this guy. You're 47 years old. You're going to go out there. You're either going to lose or you're going to win and get sued and you're going to lose.

So you just have to sit here and fucking take it. And I sat in that fucking car just looking at their car, thinking of like, I just wanted to fucking like, you know, if the car was more of a piece of shit, I would just open the car and door into there. Fucking door, but it's a new car, so I can't do that. Then I'm like, what am I going to do? Am I going to kick the door? Am I going to do it when they're not here? That's a pussy move. You know, I just, there was no way to win. So now I'm in a fucking mood. So then we drive over to go to the birthday party. It's the wrong fucking address. Now I'm in more of a fucking mood

My wife is feeling the fucking tension So I'm fucking trying to drive over to where we're supposed to be and all of a sudden I can't make a left I'm gonna piss off mood fuck you. I'm taking a left as I go through the intersection and make a left I look over to a right what's sitting there a fucking police car was fucking cops sitting right in and I'm like aff Fuck you know I drive and of course he stops on the gas, way over reaction, the fucking drive right by. I was literally fucking 10 feet away from the guy. Turns on the fucking lights.

So I pull over and he goes, do you know why I pulled you over? No, he walks up, he goes, do you know you can't, you made a left back there at the light, you know, you can't do that. I was like, yeah, yeah, I did, I did you over. No, he walks up because, do you know you can't, you made a left back there at the light, you know, you can't do that. I was like, yeah, yeah, I did, I did know that. I saw the sign and I did it anyways. I was mad because this woman opened her door into my new car.

And he goes, all right, let me see your registration and you know, we're giving her the fucking shit and everything. So he goes back, you know, I got a big, I don't like cops when it comes to shit like that. Do you know why pulled you over? No, why? Because I, I know why. I know why. You know why? And I know that you know, then I know why. Oh, I know, you know, no, so I just say, yeah, yeah, I know why, because I did that. And I knew I wasn't supposed to do it. I did it

anyway, because I was in a bad mood. And I'm coming up to the car. And he was just like, all right, you know what, I did that and I knew I wasn't supposed to do it. I did it anyway because I was in a bad mood. Any and up coming up to the car and he was just like, all right, you know what, I'm not going to write you up. But don't do that again. And I said, you're going to let me go. And he goes, well, do you want me to give you a citation? I'm like, no, he goes, well, then don't do it again. I said, all right, thank you, thank you. I put in the glove box. and then I drove away, and I looked at my wife, and I did a fist pump, and I went, what? I didn't do that, but it did cross my mind that she was probably thinking like, because I wanna be like, you know, I wanted to brag.

I see that, you just be honest, and I know she's in there giving me those black lives matter eyes. So I couldn't brag in that moment of what a fucking great move I just made, you know Tell me any sense All right, let me get to the questions for the week I didn't do this right. I do this every fucking week with my stupid combination. I can't talk and do my combination The same fucking time just I just need you guys to be quiet

Yeah, there it And there it is. There it is. Okay, here we go. All right. Let's all before I get into that, the questions for the week. Let me do the last two reads for this week. All right, that'll be enough of that.

Okay, now all we got here. All right, all right. Oh, before. Okay, no, we got here. All right, all right, all right. Oh, before I get into the question for this week, here's an opportunity to do something nice for some people during the holiday season. All right, children's hospital information. Comedian, Steve Simone, he's a comic and podcast host

on the All Things Comedy Network has been visiting the Children's Hospital and spending a lot of his free time there. He's had the chance to meet some great kids, really rough spots and Steve's goal is to keep them in good spirits and make sure they have as much fun as any kid should have during this time. There are a few kids in particular who's become particularly close with as they need some serious help.

So here we go. There's a kid William who's battling cancer. His mother is recovering from cancer. His father was recently in a car accident and is on disability. This is not a good time's episode. I swear to God this is actually happening to somebody. No lie, soon they're going to be homeless. All right, so the money raised will go directly towards paying their rent and making sure they have a home at least through the holidays. The kid with cancer is only four years old. He suffers from a rare disease called ALD. Last week, oh god, this is brutal. Last week he received a second bone marrow transplant.

This Christmas when he wakes up in the hospital, you want to have him surrounded by toys. And I have no doubt that Santa is real and I'm actually have a home to go back to. So now that I got all the sadness out of the way, I'm going to share a link on Facebook and Twitter. You know, donate a dollar, whatever you can do. We've already raised a thousand bucks. Our goal is only three grand.

The new goal is somewhere north of 10 grand if we can so they can actually stay there for the entire year. All the money will go directly to the quality of life items for the kids. No middleman will give updates. And whatever you guys donate, I'm going to try to match unless you fucking send some ridiculous amount of fucking money.

Then you know, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I'm not going to go bankrupt here. All right. But I'm going to throw in a sizeable amount of money to. Wait, do we have the fucking link? Oh, we're going to share the link on Facebook and on Twitter. All right, there we go. Sorry about that, guys.

I usually don't do stuff like that, but it is a great thing to do. And unlike a lot of charities, this is actually going to go directly to the people that need to help, which is what I've always said here on this podcast, as opposed to going into the pink, twat infrastructure and getting reduced and then spitting out, you know, a couple of coins on the other side. This is actually going to go directly to this wonderful family.

All right. All right. Here we go. Questions for the week. Hockey and football. Bill, who's your underdog pick for the Stanley Cup this year? All the Boston Bruins. We're going to gel right after the all-star break

The underdog well you can't say the kings of the black hawks Guys, I'm so fucking busy. I can't give you an intelligent one. I would underdog would be Maybe the Canadians They definitely have the gold tender, but I just I don't believe in the East The Eastern Conference They definitely have the gold tender, but I just I don't believe in the east, the eastern conference. I guess in Underdog, I would say would be the Dallas stars if they had enough in the tank to get past. Will you figure hope with any luck, the Black Hawks and Kings would face each other and they'd knock one of the other out, but I don't think that's going to happen. They probably, you know, top two seeds,

so you probably have to go through both of them. Yeah, maybe Dallas stars. Dallas stars in the West, and then I would say the fucking Canadians in the East, how about that? There's two safe picks. All right, some people think Casey, oh, how about the Super Bowl?

Some people think Casey's D could get them far. Casey's not winning shit. They're not winning the fucking Super Bowl. Since an ad is not winning far. Casey's not winning shit. Then I went in the fucking Super Bowl. Since an ad is not winning it, then I'm winning it. I think it's coming in the West. I think of the Packers. I don't know. How do you not say the fucking Carolina Panthers? I know they're like a young team, but like I believe in Cam Newton swagger.

I don't think it's an act like that. Dude in Seattle is always jumping up and down screaming and yelling, say, and how fucking great he is. To me, that's a massive inferiority complex that he compensates with a huge fucking ego, right? I think Patrick Peterson's everybody's good as Sherman. You know, he doesn't need to jump around, he just fucking does his job.

Maybe he's got a scream like that because it's so loud in that stadium. Anyways, I like the Panthers. I believe in Cam Newton. I don't think he's afraid of the fucking moment. I just think that. I tell you right now, you got to have a guy with that kind of confidence you win

and you're near him, you moo moo moo. I even though they're undefeated, they're not really like an underdog, but I think in a lot of ways people are gonna think that they're an underdog because Seattle, you got to respect them, they went there the last two fucking years. And who's kidding who? If they handed it off to Marshawn Lynch, will we really gonna stop him again? You know? They fucked it up, they screwed the pooch last year, slash Malcolm Butler made one of the great defensive plays of all fucking time.

made one of the great defensive plays of all fucking time. Still wasn't a bad call as far as considering 60% of the time. It was a touchdown. The other 40% it was like incomplete passes. That was the only interception of the goddamn year. And I would feel bad for Pete Carroll, but as a Patriot's fan, because he doesn't get shit for being a fucking cheater. And we do, then I don't.

I don't have any sympathy for them So fuck them. Oh sneaky Pete. He could get in there again Yeah, I so I still think in a weird way that the Panthers aren't underdog just because they are a young team And I'm gonna be safe. I have no fucking idea. What do you want me to say Tampa? Do I really I don't believe in any. I think that the the patriots are in trouble unless we get healthy, obviously. We lost to the Broncos without fucking paid manning. So I think that kind of lets you know where we're at right now. So I don't know. I don't fucking. I don't fuck guys. I don't watch to that level. I have no fucking idea.

What else did he ask me? I don't know. I'm really becoming a Panthers fan though. I like the Panthers. I like the Saints. I don't know what it is. It's fucking. It's at the NFC South.

I don't know what the fucking teams those are. But I really like both of them. And I'm liking the fact that Tampa Bay is getting good. I don't know. I like new people that are good and I just always like the saints because they suck my whole life and I love that fucking city and I also think the super dome

is one of the original domes out there, one of the great ones and they refurbish the whole thing and it's the shit now. It's got the Mercedes-Benz emblem on the side of it. So many of the stadiums are jobbing.com and they fucking horrific names. They get the Mercedes-Benz emblem on the side of it so many the stadiums are jobbing.com and these fucking horrific names they got the Mercedes-Benz emblem on it that's the shit so anyways there you go how about that I danced around that just I just exposed myself for how little football I've watched this year I've been fucking busy got this cartoon coming out man this

is my shot all right car shopping Billy O'Billy. I'm shopping around for a calf of my wife as well. Me and my friends were talking about what the first question should be for the salesman. Do you have a first question? Yeah I'll steal what my brother says. Yeah whatever his name is. Hey Randy what's the real price on this car? He goes I feel like it sets a precedent for the whole wheeling and dealing. My top choice is how much under-invoice can you sell me this car? I've paid under-invoice, it's not a crazy thing. Lots of times, oh, you're saying, like, before the options, you've paid under that? What the fuck were you

buying and when did you buy it? I've never done that. My big line is what's the out-the-door price? And by out-the-door, I mean everything. The warranty, the tax, everything, the final number that I'm paying you. I just have the number. I just go, what I always do is I always pitch like two grand above is I always pitch like two grand above, is it called stays, not the one after all the options. It's that first number before they add the options. I always go two grand above that number. And I'm probably still getting fucked.

I always get like, I always get half a dick, fucking thrown my way. I always do, you know. I always get half a dick fucking thrown my way I always do you know I always get fucked a little bit but I actually enjoy the process like I have fun with it each time I get fucked a little bit less like I did I did real well on this one I felt and but who knows you always feel like you're gonna turn around see mall laughing slapping each other in the back and then they're gonna quickly stop and you know sharpen a pencil as you look at them,

you know, you know, after you leave. But I would just, I don't know, read up on it, watch some YouTube videos. I had a lot of fun this time because I didn't give a fuck and I wasn't trading in the Prius. So I just kept saying that. I just kept saying, listen dude,

like we'd like to buy this car, but we don't need to. I mean, I can get in that car right there. And it drives great, man. It's a Toyota. You know, I've kept it maintained. It's all beat up. I can park it. Nobody's going to steal a fucking eight year old Prius. It's got damn gem out there. So I had the guy laugh. And so I go, look, this is what I want. Right? So he goes and he fucking, you know, grab asses with his manager and comes back. He's not even close. And he comes back with this big grin on his right so he goes and he fucking you know grab asses with this manager comes back he's not even close and comes back with this big grin on his face he goes that's Aaron this this is a great deal this is a great deal and I just go foho foho you I mean I'm not gonna lie to you at this point if you look around the table you're the only guy smiling then he kind of like I can't

pay that I can't I gotta check in my pocket right fucking now. I will, I will, I like to tell my wife to give. And you always gotta send your wife, if you bring your wife is a good thing cause I think it's a weakness, right? Okay, you gotta get your wife from the same page. And at some point, you gotta tell your wife to screw. Okay, you do it in a respectable way,

but with the dash archie bunker, that kind of, you'll go, do me a favor, you just go, uh, you know, go look over the cars over there, blah, blah, blah. You make it look like you got this old school fucking relationship, like she actually has dinner prepared when you come home. All right. As much as your wife isn't going to like in that moment, that feeling, it works good for you in the negotiation because now it gives this guy the perception that you actually

are making decisions in your relationship because they buy on the fact that the emotion of the female, but I like it. Right? When you send them off, it just feels like, look, I want to get this car for my wife. All right, but I'm not a dope. This is what I'm paying. Okay? This is what I am paying.

I'm willing to pay this. If you get me this number, I'm going to buy this car today You're going to make a sale and you're never going to have to look at this car again. That's the deal. That's my number. Okay Dude, my brother's amazing at it. He always comes in his line as he comes in And it's just he always gets the guy's name and I feel like that gives him power He comes in and he always gets the guy's name and I feel like that gives him power. He'd be like, what's your name? And I gotta be like, Steven. And he goes, Steven, you see this right here?

This is a large coffee. An extra large coffee as we says, you know why I got this? He goes, because this is going to be a long negotiation until I'm going to get what I want. He comes hard right out of the fucking gate and he's like a fucking a comic that never stops writing. I used to when we were kids we used to go down to car dealerships and pretend that we were gonna fucking his way back in the 80s. We used to pretend that we were gonna buy a car until we could test drive

all these cars and my brother used to just fuck with all these salesmen. Ice do with him and I used to do with another one of my friends one day we skipped school, high school, and we went down and we said that we were seniors in high school, which we were, we said we were step brothers. It was hilarious. I had like fucking fire engine red hair

and my buddy was like fucking six, two, you know, look like a movie star. Tall dark Hanson. We looked nothing alike. So we said we were stepbrothers. And initially the salesman looked at us like what the fuck? And we said that we were both going to be going to the same college next year and that our parents were gonna buy us a next year and that our parents were gonna buy us a vehicle to share and they're both really busy and they told us to come down and pick out a car. So immediately they thought that we were a couple of fucking rich kids and that we didn't know shit. So you know, we went down. We took out a Chrysler laser.

I remember we took out the Chrysler laser and I think that that guy actually knew. No, the LeBaron. It was like the LeBaron. I remember the big deal was it had a digital speedometer, which we thought was fucking amazing in like fucking 1986 or seven whenever the fuck we did it. So my biggest thing and the thing that I learned is when you go in there, you have to be prepared to walk, you have to know the number that you're going to pay and to definitely go in there and have fun.

And when the salesman tries to buddy buddy with you and do all that type of shit, I mean, I don't know, there's a couple different ways you can play it. You can laugh along with them or you can just kind of stare back at them and just literally do. My brother would literally just be like, like, Steve, I'm not here to try to like, you know, listen to jokes. Like this isn't a funny thing here I know what goes on down here and I don't want to be a part of it you understand this is what I'm paying and like dude how great is this is an extra large coffee do you know why I got

this because this is going to be a long-term negotiation until I get what I want that's the fucking classic. All right, so once again, I really didn't give you any information. I'm still learning what to do, but I used to be really intimidated by it, but this last one somewhere in the middle of the negotiation, my wife's car, I actually really started having fun and realized the power that I had.

And I just said, I'm not paying any more than this. I'm not paying any more than this. I'm not paying any more than this. And then I got the number that I wanted. And then I went and then when I went to get the warranty, they tacked that on and I was like, don't and then they tacked on the tax, don't. So I ended up getting fucking two right there Fred. So I still got fucked.

But now I know. I know for the next time. It's like bombing is a comedian. So I still got fucked, but now I know. I know for the next time. It's like bombing is a comedian. So I had him. I had him dead to rights. And we let him off the hook. So I still I still got fucked. But you know, at least this time I had fun.

So watch, watch out for that. I would just say, you know, know the number that you want and make sure you just say the outdoor price and make sure that you say that this includes the warranty and all the bullshit and the tax everything. This is the final fucking number. I walk out, I get the car, you washed it, the whole goddamn thing. This is the number. You have to say that repeatedly, repeatedly. And that's where I fucked up. All right, you know what? I'm man enough to admit it. All right, thanksgiving pie. Oh, Billy to admit it. All right, Thanksgiving pie. Oh, Billy, oh, speaking of which everybody,

I made the pie crust video. Like promised, the pie crust video has been made. I dressed up like a baker. We went all out, so that thing should be edited and done in the next couple of days. So hopefully, towards the end of the week You can watch old Billy Freckles fucking make a pie crust and you can maybe I don't know Maybe show another side of yourself

Maybe have that beautiful woman, you know The Sally to your Harry right all of a sudden see you is something else All of a sudden there's Missal Toe, you know, she had a slice of pie. The sugar's going through the roof. Her emotions are a little off. She doesn't know what she's thinking. You move in. The next thing you know, she decides to spend her life with you. All right. That poor woman. Um, you guys ever hear that tears for fears, uh, women, women in chains, women in chains, woman in chains.

Something like that. My drum teacher was telling me about it because Phil Collins plays drums and he plays this great drum fill in the end. You know, both like a minute left or something where he just goes over the bar line and ends on the end of one. And it's just classic, fucking awesome Phil Collins drum fill too. That song is the most pandering, fucking song I've ever heard in my fucking life written by a guy to women in general It's just like we are not get enough pussy at the end of your fucking show

When he starts singing so free her Okay, and at one point he just starts going, Men astode! Men astode! Men astode! Unfuckin' believable. Men astode! It's just so fucking, I listen to that song blown away by Phil Collins drumming while laughing hysterically the way he says men are stone. He sounds like he's gonna start crying You know what I mean? I don't I mean I got a lot of nerve all the sexist shit that I say but it's just I don't that's but I mean It's another reason why I fucking do it. There's nobody policing the other fucking side But I guess he is a guy doing it. So I don't know

the other fucking side but I guess it is a guy doing it so I don't know. I don't know he's a weird looking guy anyways even though he's a fucking rock star he still had to fucking, he's still to put the old fucking please give me some pussy out there anyways thanksgiving pie Billy boy I baked a couple of pumpkin pies after being inspired by your recent podcast I was invited to a friend's house for Thanksgiving and there happened to be a really cool girl there well let me tell you it didn't hurt that I was the guy who made the pies. That's what I'm telling you. That's what I'm telling you.

This is weird thing about women where they want you to be a guy, but as much as a fucking, if you just show that on some level that you can also not afraid to look like a pussy, I don't know what it is. It melts them a little bit. He goes, the compliments started building up. I brushed them off like it was no big deal. That's the way you play it. You go Patrick P. You don't go Richard Sherman like, I made those balls. You don't do that shit. You just, yeah, you know, it's my job. It's what I do. So questions came in like, do you bake a lot? We're answered with no.

This was just a first attempt. Hopefully they'll get better. Ah, dude, you're crushing it. Good man. He goes to which the crowd responded with, get outta here. Oh my God, it's great. Oh, this dude's just real in a min.

The fish are jumping into the boat at this point. I love this guy. He goes talking to the girl later was much easier and came off totally competent. I thought I was saying natural. What girl doesn't want to know slash data guy, you can pull that off. Thanks for the assist. Somebody scored a goal that night. He's heating up. It's going on a little bit of a run. See that? I'm telling you right now all of that stuff Remember that bit of you to do what are you a fig? How guys always say that anytime you do anything remotely like that. I'm telling you right fucking who gives this shit

What what your guy friends are saying? Okay, I'm telling you right now it's Women love that shit. They love that shit. If you have a garden, I'll make every guy in the podcast right now be like, ugh, ugh, just make feel uncomfortable as man. If you have a fucking garden, right? If you fucking know how to bake, what is something else? You know, I mean, if you actually learned how to sew when you sew to button back on your shirt, I don't know how you weave that into conversation.

I don't have those skills. But if they knew that you know how to sew, like they just find that the last thing they want is another to talk to another fucking guy sitting there with the bud tall talking about why the patriots it's good that they're 14 and two basically Basically everything that I do. Yeah, the last thing they did. Fuck it. I tell you right now, fuck you, Seattle, no one's aware. Oh, he's on my fantasy team. Like, that's literally...

I can't speak for women, but I would think that them hearing that is literally like you approaching a woman where you're like, oh my god, she's beautiful. And as she walked up, she's going like, oh my god, real housewife, Kardashian, the shoes on, style. And you just immediately just, you dick just fucking starts looking the other way like, nah, I can't, I mean, I do it. I was getting home, but you know, one and done, one and done. This is not a home and home. Okay. All right.

Girlfriend had sex with another guy. Oh geez. Hey, Bill, I'm a huge fan of yours from the country of Georgia, not the state. All right. I know what that is in Eastern Europe. Is that that cluster of countries? No, that's the one that rush every once in a while when they get annoyed they drive a couple of tanks until wasn't Isn't that every country over there in the Eastern block? All right, here we go. So here's my story. I have a girlfriend. We know each other almost Oh, I love these guys. We know each other almost five years and We've been friends all of these all of these times until we discovered our mutual love and affection. Is there anything better than the way fucking people in Eastern Europe speak?

First of all, they speak in English, which is tremendous. It's amazing. I wish I could be bilingual. I just don't have the fucking patience. And I also love that they don't have the word for the so they don't use it. It just makes everything sound so much for so much more direct We've been friends all these times until we discovered our mutual love affection four months ago and now she is my girlfriend. I study in Poland She studies in Germany. So that means we don't see each other frequently But we had our business time a lot. I think that's means banging each other a A few days ago my girlfriend told me that she was on MDMA. Oh, that's a drug, I guess. But to be clear, drug did not

pulled the trigger for her to make such a thing. I'm sorry, man. I'm trying to, I'm trying to go with your English hero. I don't know. I know MDMA isn't that? Well DMT's that one that makes you fucking go into another dimension. I don't want MDMA is I don't want to know. Anyways, my girlfriend told me she was on MDMA the previous night and had sex with a random fucking guy. She was crying and shaming herself on the phone telling me that she is wrong, loves me, I'm the special one for her, and she told me that now it's my decision. How our relationship will go on. Bill, I want to hear your advice on these points. The thing is that I really love her and my love is higher than that fucking sexual act which she had with that random fucking dude. Bill, I want to hear your advice and what would be your approach in my position. Fuck you and eat a bag of shit.

PS, I love you from Georgia, country, not the state, and sorry for my grammar mistakes. Dude, you crushed your fucking English. I can't do that. I can barely write that well in my own you cross your fucking English. I can't do that. I can barely write that well in my own language. Alright, what to do here? What to do? What to do? Alright, obviously my gut just says you got to get rid of her. You know, when you're not around, she's going to be on drugs going to raves and fucking a random guy. She does give points for actually telling you that. I mean, I don't know what to do. This is hard. This is hard because you said that you actually love her to the level that you could look past that. But dude, I would say watch Casino and see Da Nero's relationship with Sharon Stone. I mean, do you have a potential for getting involved in that? I don't know. If

you can forgive somebody for that, okay, but if it happens again, you guys don't live near each other. And then she goes to raves and does drugs and fuck somebody. Dude, I think at the very least you need to take a break. I think maybe you should just take a break and be like, I need to sort this out. And when she says, why? And it'd be like, well, because what you did fucked me up so bad that I had to send an email to a podcast on the other side of the planet to try and get advice. That's why.

So you sound like you're young. She sounds like she's young. God knows there's plenty of fish in the sea that wouldn't do fucking whatever the fuck she just did. I got to put this back in your court, dude, like just being where I'm sitting and the fact that there's distance between the two of you, I just don't see this thing working out. You're in Poland, she's in Germany and while in Germany goes to a party, does drugs and fuck somebody else. I don't know, that just sounds like

the tip of the iceberg, dude. I think you got to pull the cord. That's what I would say as a friend. And I think if I was in that situation, you would say that to me too, because you weren't emotionally involved in it. However, people are human. They do make mistakes. You know this woman better than I do. If you feel like it's worth it, give her another chance, but I would sit on this thing for about at least six weeks. I wouldn't have contact with her and I would just try to get yourself back into you and not the us mode. And after six weeks or something, I don't know. I think you really got to like, you got to, you got to, you got to, this isn't one of those. Well, all right, you know, all right, shake

it off. That's what I would do. Okay. And like I said, what the fuck do I know? And I'm sorry that that happened to you, man. That's fucking brutal. You know, I've been there and I've made both decisions. I've stayed in it and then got burned again and I've walked and then thought, what if? So that sucks right around the holidays too. Jesus Christ. Anyways, let's plow ahead. Girlfriend wants me to quit a quit job. Dear Bill, I'm in a very strange yet fortuitous situation. My girlfriend and likely soon fiance inherited a large sum of money. She has asked me to quit my job and travel with her for a year.

I'm in a position to introduce my girlfriend, inherited a large sum. She's asked me to quit my job and travel for a year. Now, fuck, no. No. No, no. Wait, wait, wait, you fucking mind? Well, wait a minute, what kind of job do you have? All right, let me finish.

This is amazing, of course. However, I don't wanna leave my job permanently. I have a great job in sound engineering, and I'm not sure it would be available to me after a year long absence. Yeah. It seems like a no brainer, but I'm definitely apprehensive.

Can you help me weigh the pros and cons? Thanks. Yeah. You're going to fucking throw your goddamn career away for one fucking year on the goddamn, too. You're going to spend a fucking year on the road with the same person Jesus fucking Christ Johnny Apple see did it solo Marco Polo did it solo. I'm telling you take a fucking hint

Dude bands travel like that for a fucking year They travel the world for a fucking year living their dream dream, not quitting their jobs, and most bands don't make it through. And they're not even involved in an intimate relationship like, you know, couple thing. It's a business relationship, and they don't even make it. I think to save your fucking relationship, you don't go. You're going to be fucking sick of each other and you're going to have no fucking job to go back to. This could be the end of your relationship. Just say, listen, I would love to go to it. But like, I mean, don't say this that other shit. I just said, but

too, just be like, honey, not for nothing. I don't work at a fucking, you know, a juice bar. I'm an engineer. Okay. I'm designing bridges and shit, all right. I got a job here that is going to, that's going to make us financially secure for the rest of our fucking lives. And I know that you just inherited a large sum of money, but Jesus Christ, where can we put that? We're going to put that legitimately safely, that we are 100% guaranteed to not lose it in the future. I know in my country you stick it in the stock market You might as well put it on a crap table I know you stick it in a bank. They're gonna give you a half percent interest and for all you know that bank Goes under and gets bought out by a bigger bank and everybody's too big to fail and you're in that fucking line

Stand in there next to a farmer with your little fucking you know your little book like Johnny Depp and that fucking drug movie that he made. The fuck was it called? Jesus Christ, I saw it twice. He gives those people all that money and then they gave him a little fucking book. And he goes, I gave him, you know, he goes, I gave him fucking whatever, 10 million in cash and they gave me a book with a number on it. And what's hilarious is that cash represents gold that you can't claim anymore. So you just basically gave them a bunch of piece of paper.

Oh, fucking thing is a lie. The only thing that you can count on is money's still coming in. All right, and that's what you get with your engineering job. So I would not quit it. I would not. I would say, listen, if you want to take a couple of long vacations, absolutely. But, uh, you know, this is my career. And, you know, if she gives you shit, it would just be like, listen, sweetheart.

If I had it, if I didn't have a career, if I had nothing going on, I would do this in a second. I would love to see the world with you. I would love to spend 365 fucking days with you in a row. Oh my God. Doesn't that sound like fun? To nobody is meant to spend that much that amount of time with one another. They're just there's nobody is. There's not a like there's nobody I fucking know, other than myself, that I could spend that amount of time with 365 days and really. And the only reason I could do it with myself is I don't have the option of leaving myself

unless I try and meditate, you know, and float across the fucking room. You don't get that wonderful feeling of leaving your body and then you start thinking, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, I'm doing it, and then that ruins the meditative thing and then you suck right back into yourself. All right. All right. You know what? That's a podcast. Everybody. Hey, if you'd like, hey, if you'd like to donate to this podcast, you know what? Don't. Don't donate to the, to the kids we were talking about earlier that are sick this time of year. It's a great

fucking thing to do. Don't ain't it, don't give it to Bill, give it to William, we're gonna tweet the link. That's the podcast, go fuck yourselves, don't take any shit and I'll check it. Oh yeah! On Thursday. What's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL edition and we are talking about week number 14, which seems absolutely insane that we're already on week 14.

Where is the fall going dude? I can't believe there's only four weeks left. Is anything more sad than like when you know it's the last week of NFL and then you just got to hope that your basketball team does well. Guys, we got a great show. Got some really good, good picks. Got some, got some sports news that I need to talk about before we get into this. But before anything we have to shout out our great sponsor, it's the Bed MGM sponsor

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guys. So 10 bucks, have some fun and hope you're enjoying the picks. It was a very successful week for our show. I believe nobody went under 500 bill went three and one. I went two and two. I know Andrew. And Jake the snake went four and oh. Jake the snake went four and oh. So we gave you a total of 12 and four last week, guys. But we had a rough one with that under over for the Monday night special. Oh yeah. All right. Watch that clip. That did not age well. You're like, dude, Jacksonville's You're like dude Jacksonville's winning the game

The Jacksonville's dead in the way the game. That's I'll tell you what I was so fucking wrong about I saw this guy in Instagram going like the 49ers are gonna beat the shit out of the They're just winning that game they're gonna beat the crap. I'm I've never been more that's that is the most wrong I've been about any game of the they weren't even in the same class dude I haven't seen an old school beaten like that in a long time. I'll tell you the last time I saw it. Well, week one.

My team, but. No. When the, no, when you, when it was like two big teams, oh man, this is gonna be a heavyweight battle and one team just goes, no man, you're not even in our class. When the Patriots beat the Rex Ryan's jets, we beat the shit out of them in December, but that one happened, Paul.

Yeah, they came back to our house and they beat us. Wow. Now, those are two completely different teams with completely different players, but this is a sports show. So I have to act like that's something to be concerned about. You know, yeah, you know, it's funny is the 40. No, historically speaking, it's 72 degrees. The Jets have not, hey, when they do that, the 49ers actually said that though. The 49ers go, this game is not going to be a good game.

They go, we're a better team and we're going to show it and they fucking did. They did. No, that was, that was like like that was one of those look away. I mean, dude, that was one of those where the other team looked like, oh man, we have some maybe things aren't that good. Like that was, I tell you what, my mind is every time you watch an Eagles home game, you always see this like fucking people in the crowd with the other teams jersey on. know I can't believe it. I don't have any sympathy for those people. No No, the same way when there's a fucking hurricane and the Coast Guard says stay home and some fucking idiot goes out Surfing or fucking goes, you know splash it in the way. It's I don't have any sympathy for you. No stay home

I wouldn't go to a any sporting event with my jersey on away on the road. And I was talking to these people. They were Minnesota twin fans. And he was like a fan of my comedy. He went with his wife back in the day. And he I saw him later. And he goes, yeah, he goes. It just kind of ruined our time. We were wearing all our twin stuff at Yankee Stadium. And people were yelling. He goes, I had a red hood on, a red hoodie on and they were calling me little red riding hood. And he goes, it just ruined my time. And I wanted to go like, yeah, man, like just wear a neutral color and enjoy baseball. Like, why would you do that? Because they're from the Midwest. They're drunk assholes that are going to fucking ruin your time, dude. They're from the Midwest. They come out there, they pretend they're not racist, they don't have a, oh, hell, where are you?

If you're going to the mall, then they act like they're these really nice people, they're not, but nobody's better at pretending that they're nice decent human beings than people from the Midwest, but those people are out of their fucking minds. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, yeah, they got that, yeah. They're like, yeah. Look, slip knots from out there. You ever listen to that fucking music? That band never made sense to me as far as where they came from until I went to I went to Iowa and February and that was like I get it I get it Yeah They kind of got like that Canadian thing where Canadians act nice, but Canadians are not nice They're really passive aggressive and they talk a lot passive aggressive

Oh, yeah, and the game they embrace like it's the only game that that of the four major sports We can just beat the shit out of somebody go sit down for five minutes and keep playing. Oh, hey You want to have a pine. Hey. Oh, we're glad you're visiting a huge fucking head. Oh, if you need any if you need any advice for some food spots. Oh, Fucking lunatics I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game.

I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a big fan of the game. I'm not going to be a get one of the biggest left handed bats in baseball. The Yankees were like after not making the play. That's the one good thing about being a Yankee fan and when you don't make the playoffs is they just fly off the handle and make a move, spend money they shouldn't spend, but it makes the fans happy. So we'll see. You guys got to let you got a much this face from us too.

Our left our left field. Alex for do go Alex for do go. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't get a chance to watch a lot of them. Is he good ball player? Yeah. He already is too. He's also he's a great presence in the clubhouse too. He's going to be he'll immediately be a favorite. He's just he's just he yeah. That was a hard one for Red Sox fan. But we just fucking we've watched everybody leave. He was part of the Mookie Betts deal. So now we've like got nothing out of the Mookie Betts deal. Now we've basically, I think that was the last remnant of it, major peace anyway. So, so we start over again. So you guys are going back to what you did before.

You know, you tried Paul, for you know, you got, I will give it to Yankees. You guys actually tried to win with what you had, like a lot of people, you know, have done over the years. He's like, it's too hard. Yeah, I think I think how Steinbrenner, or is it how how Steinbrenner kept hearing he's not like the old man. The old man would have fucking lost it and fired people and then they didn't make the playoffs.

And I think you guys kept it. You must need help in pitching though. You got a couple of bats. Well, we got to say young, we got, what's his name had a great season in Garry Cole. No, he did okay. Dude, you know what was crazy is I was in Brian Cashman's box. I was in Brian's Cashman's box.

Stay away from his wife, okay? That's my manager. No, he wasn't in there. Oh, okay. And all of a sudden I see Omar Maniah in there. And they got Omar Maniah in there to be like you know He was he's like a legendary scout and all this and he was with the the mess when they went to the world series And he's from Queens and I'm in there. It's just me and him and he's eating sushi and he's talking

And I'm telling him I'm a comedian. I'm telling them all this stuff and we we had a great talk I'm like dude when they put your name through the mud on the fan like are you and he's like now He's like because you know what he goes got it, when it's good about me, I got a lick take, I like that. So when it's bad, I'll take that, right? We're talking. I hear him. This is amazing, actually.

I hear him in the, you know the way sweets are next to sweets, but when you come out on the ledge, you could see the sweet right next to that sweet. Yeah. The Yankee president, Randy Levine, is down, comes down from the other suite and Omar Maniah is in our suite and I hear them talking. And like the games over, the Yankees aren't in the playoffs. This is a meaningless game. We're down five runs. And I actually hear Omar Maniah say to the Yankee president, he's like, yeah, they're having

a business talk in front of me. I asked people like a few of us because it was an empty thing, except us. What did they say? And he goes, he goes, we need two left bats here. He goes, if we get two more lefty bats in here on this current roster. And I'm listening to one of the best baseball scouts tell the president, and he's like, we need to, and then all of a sudden, I'm hearing like the Soto thing

and they're trying to get another one and I'm going, holy shit, like I was listening to this conversation, and then we get one Soto. So, so that was your problem? The bats, it wasn't pitching. I always feel if you have a bad season, it's you know, it's pitching. No, but what's it called? We had our our first basement, uh, Rizzo Antony Rizzo was a great lefty bat, especially for Yankee Stadium. He went down with a concussion and he was out for months and that losing that bat really hurt us. So I think having lefty bats in there, especially a guy like Soto who's dangerous. Yeah, what more do you need? You're playing a whiffle ball park.

Hey, man. I mean, how much further? What more do they got a fucking do down there? And it's like, yes, so let's get some more lefty bats. You know, just fucking with you Paul. Oh, how about Paul Verzi? Shout it to Paul Verzi. You just name like 10 guys I've never even heard of. Fucking Omar Marano's up there talking

and a fucking, you know, Mikey Rizzo, who's over there talking to the president. I even heard one of a scout, no Paul, I don't. I have a fucking life. I don't have time to know what the fucking scouts names are. Oh my, but some people, you know, you're $3 million over the cap. It's like, how do you fucking know that?

How do you have the time and your fucking day to know that? This is all jealousy Paul. It's all jealousy Because the stomach flu went through my fucking house. I've been up to my armpits and fucking shit and The old me the old me wouldn't get to the root of the problem. God bless you, Paul. Enjoy that new left-handed bat. You know, when you're eating your fucking tater tots and down by all those fucking empty seats, nobody can afford. That stupid fucking stadium. I remember when that stadium was built, you're like,

Bill, it's almost too much. Ugh, I had to go for a walk after you said that. Did I say that? Yeah, you sounded like you were talking about your wedding dress. I felt too pretty. They got sushi and steakhouse. They get sushi. You can fucking buy a time share on the mezzanine level.

That's the fuck that park fucking sucks. Because the old Yankee Stadium had deep one of the greatest most iconic fucking sounds in the playoff. When MLB would mic that fucking thing up and you guys would start sharing with two strikes. I mean, I hate as a red sucks fan of say, it was fucking iconic. And now they have, it's like $9 million per seat. You guys look like you're in last place even when you're in first place. There's nobody at the game. I got a blow by nose.

I apologize. I don't like the stadiums that are open the whole way around. It used to be you walk through the fucking tunnel or you walk through that thing and then you see the field. It was like the field was this magical thing that you had to get to. And now when you get in the stadium, you can see it all around. I will say this though, the 1923 replica of how it exactly looked when you're sitting.

I do like and I like the facade on the side. I do like it. I like that they put the facade going back around the thing. Yeah, that was that was good. Let's not shit on the whole thing. All right, let's go. I got my first pick here. First pick for week 14.

I went two and two. The last three. We put a mall out and right field at Fenway. What happened? Oh, that was a Patriots. The Patriots built a mall next to their stadium. Patriots plays, Paul. You want to go buy a polo shirt? That's what I think about when I think about football. You know, when I need to buy some socks, Tom Brady's TB 12 store at the fuck. All right. Tom Brady first time. All right, man. This is, I like this week's numbers. I like this week's

for spreads. Paulie likes it. Paulie likes it. I like this week's spreads. I think, you know, my first pick here. I'm going gonna take the Philadelphia Eagles on the road against the Cowboys. They got really humiliated last week. You're gonna get fucking asshole, I like that pick. They're getting three and a half, dude. And I just think, if they get this shit kicked out of him by the Cowboys,

you gotta put Nicky on fucking suicide watch. Oh dude. Dude, you know what I love about him? He fucking feels feelings. Yeah he does. That guy has his heart on his fucking sleeve. Like if he was in platoon, he's that guy. I got a bad feeling about this one man. I give him credit though man. He wasn't like walking off fast. He gave the other coach a hug and said nice thing. I just love that he's always yelling at people. It's like the game before it's time. I fuck you. We're gonna fucking kill you. And then he's

walking out the cheese fans. Yeah, you're not saying shit now. Why did they make that fat dude? Oh, he's nobody at the camera. Dude, I'm telling you, this guy, the more I watch him, the more I love him. He's like, he's one of those guys, like his wife's going like, like, Nick, don't take the bait. Just come on, honey, don't take the bait. I'm not going to be cold today. I mean, the cold is the thing.

Loving him is a little strong, I think. I love a man that struggles with his emotions. I relate to him. Now he said nice things to Kyle Shanahan, he hugged him, hey, great job, but you know, dude. I'm gonna tell you something right now. If the Eagles go and fucking lay an egg in Dallas, I don't think that's gonna happen.

I'm taking them three and a half, a little bounce back after a national humiliation. Oh yeah, dude, that was like, that was a day that would live in infamy All right, so you took one of my favorite picks of the week You know what Paul? I'm gonna keep riding this package train. I say the pack is going there I love their quarterback. I love what they did next week last week the way they hung with the chiefs actually beat the chiefs I know they're laying six and a half. I know they're there in the giants, but I mean,

what do you guys get? You got fucking Anthony Marcucci fucking Tommy cutlet. Tommy cutlet's playing fucking quarter back there. You know, you know, you guys, you guys can't stay away from the club on a Friday Saturday night. Come on. You know, he's going out. You know, he's gonna wake up and have a little fucking Sunday, gravy. I like to pack her six and a half. Lay six and a half. This is a smoothie by a way. I'm not drinking chocolate milk like a little boy that I am. I'm gonna have fun with you. I'm gonna have fun with you this week because I was gonna actually for the first time in the history of our show of our amazing sports football show. I was gonna do something that Paul Verzi

has never done before. And what I was going to do was I was going to take the Packers against my giants. For the first time ever, I was going to go against my giants because it was going to be a game that I couldn't lose. Either I win the game or my team wins. But then I said, you know something, I'll go ahead to head with you on this one, Bill. I'm going to take Tommy. I'm going to beat the book.

But not dude. I'm going to take it. No gonna beat the book. But not dude. I'm gonna take one on the knife. What do you mean? It's just, it's your fucking pull. The fans know what you're a real fan. We know it. You're a Nick fan, diehard Nick fan.

You're a diehard giants fan. You're a diehard Yankee fan. We know this. You don't have to prove this. I gotta go Tommy cutlets on Monday night under the lights. I got who he is. You know who he is? He's your new fucking now.

What's his face there? Dude, what's with my promise to Geno Capilletti? Who's the fucking guy that was the guy, the 49ers and then the Raiders? Good looking Italian. good Garoppolo. This is your new Garoppolo. Paul Verzi cannot lay off an Italian American quarterback. I can't. You just can't.

He starts hearing this synatra music. And then they start giving them nicknames with food. It's over, dude. Tommy Cutlet sets over. Oh, Paulie. I think the Packers could win the game. Maybe the Giants hang with him and get a little back door. You know what, Paul?

I think you ate too much no key last night. I don't know. I think you got, you got fucking potato brains right now. Oh, boy. All right. What am I going with next? You know, I want to know why the fuck are the, the chiefs only favored by one and a half points that somebody get hurt, Jake, the snake.

Where are you, Jake? Anything happening out there? I don't think so. But I saw that two times, very suspicious. Chiefs are coming off the loss against the Packers, the bills, they know what's fucking over. It's only a one and a half. You're gonna tell me that those guys aren't gonna get it done.

They're fucking Patrick Mahomes isn't gonna run around like a reindeer like he does their Paul on his tippy toes. I'm gonna go with the chiefs. I'm going with the chiefs Paul. You're going with the chiefs. All right. I'm going with the chiefs. Uh, you put that out of a book. I've watched too many jet

schemes where they just have a no offense, no offense. It's, it's, they're on their third quarterback. It's a mess in New York media. They don't know what to do. The coach is saying this, the other quarterbacks saying this, they're talking about people getting fired. The Texans are on fire and they have a quarterback. How can you fire their fucking coach, dude? Aaron Rodgers went down. They made the move. This is just a bad luckier.

The fact that the fucking New York media is eating this guy alive. I mean, from day one, the fucking head of the snake got chopped off. What are they supposed to do? No, that's true, but there's really penalties that are like, when your penalties are bad, dude. They're a bad team.

They're an undisciplined team. They're a team that gets a pick six and gives up a pick six. I mean, it's funny. This is Paulie Giants' talk. No, no, no, I mean, listen. Paulie Giants has been on the field the whole fucking year. Yeah, they're a little frustrated.

They're taking some dumb things. Is this this psychology involved here? This isn't all analytics. No. Paulie, where the satin jacket? You gotta listen to me. And it's shiny and new. Well, you know what it is?

It's fucking, it's the lighting in here. Dude, it's popping. Dude, I look like I jumped in a swimming pool with this jacket. I'm gonna take the Texans minus three and a half. I think the jets are finito. You want to talk about finito was watching the fucking charges Patriots game. Oh, I just sat there Paul in the couch. I don't think I moved the entire game. It was six to nothing. I was just sitting in the corner going. I remember this. And then they were wearing the old Pat Patriot uniforms, which when they bring them back, can you go go with the black cleats to Let's go all the way back to the AFL. What are we doing here Paul?

All right Paul I don't have a good feeling about this week because this next pick. I don't know why I'm doing this Why would you do this? That's why I feel about my Giants pick, but hey You what that's how I feel about my Giants pick. I don't, you know, I'm just, I'm just, I'm doing that one for fun. Charges one six and nothing. The Broncos are getting three points. I think both of these teams are very evenly matched. It's a division rivalry game. They're getting fucking points.

Bill loves it. I can't fucking figure out the fucking Broncos. I know. And I just don't understand what's going on with Russell. Like, how do you drop off like that? Um, Vikings and Raiders, man, we got a bunch of fucking like, this week feels like 2 a.m. at a bar, you know, like, what am I going home with there?

This week feels like 2 a.m. at a bar, you know, like what am I going home with here? I like maybe you think that like you weren't part of the problem like the tricks weren't looking over you like yeah Yeah, I mean, I guess I'll fuck them All right, so you took the Texans that was something I was gonna do you know something just for the fun of it Paul I'm gonna take the Ravens. I'm gonna take all fucking favorites. Oh my God, you fucking can't stop with the Ravens dude. Well, you know what it is Paul? The fucking, the, the, the, the, the Rams covered last week. The Rams are very erratic and I don't think they're good on the road.

Well, especially when they get out of the division and they play an AFC, an AFC team from Baltimore, historically speaking, and they're coming up. The Rams get out of their division and they go to Baltimore. Yep. And Baltimore's home coming off a buy and they go to Baltimore. Yep. And Baltimore's home coming off a buy. They're a little rested up. Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like, you know, they'll have a little spark in this step. Seven points. Why not? Pay Paul? Why not start the game down seven nothing? Hey, Bill, who are you? Who am I?

I'm nobody. All right. Here we go. I'm going to do this just because I saw this kid play last week. I watched Browning play for the Bengals, Joe Burrows back up and the kid was sharp as hell. He, he, they got Joe Mixin running the ball like a madman. They got Chase. T Higgins is back. Boy is one week. Old Polly one week. He sees a guy one week. You want to crown him? Go ahead and crown him. No, no, it's actually just actually his third week now coming up. No, he did play great. And he played really good. And the Colts is balls all over all those fucking network shows. Paul. So you got to be

thinking that other defenses. They might they might take exception to that. Look, what's his name? Minchue. What's Minchue's name? Gardner Minchu. I love Gardner Minchu. Gardner Minchu. He's they're flying high over there, but the line is one. I would probably go the other way if it wasn't in Sinsi, but it is in Sinsi. They're coming off of a win and they got a lot of talent minus one. It's basically a pick him. So I'm going to take the home team with a pick him after a win and see if this kid browning could throw a couple wins together. You know what? The way you broke that game down, you convinced me.

I think that's a good pick. Here's my question, Paul. Is Trevor Lawrence still out? Like what happened to him? Trevor Lawrence is out for weeks with a, it wasn't broken his ankle, but he's got a high ankle sprain. He's probably going to be out until the playoffs. Oh, I feel bad for all the ladies and Jacksonville. You know, Andrew. Can't hear you, man. You're on mute. Sorry. They said two weeks for him.

Two weeks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Week 17 and Joe Flacco Paul. I thought that got retired five years ago. To Joe Flacco coming out of fucking nowhere. I believe in Joe Flacco. Minus three at home. Oh, you fucking motherfucker. I hate this week. I hate this week.

Bum bum bum bum bum. My lines are going to the bears. Now words nothing worse. Dude, last week when I bet the fucking lines and they were up 21 and nothing I go finally I got a fucking easy game right? And then like here come the saints they all just come fucking running back dude. I'm telling you Paul this didn't happen When I was a kid the way they were blowouts less they were blowouts last week dude There were blow outs less. There were blow outs last week, dude.

Paul, you keep saying that. There were though. Paul, I'm not talking about, there was blow outs when I was a kid. So your blow out was being down 21-0 in the first fucking quarter. You didn't come back from that. Right.

That was a historical comeback. Every fucking week, I bet not so. My boy says crack it over you, Paul. Yeah, I'm opening it up to you. We were talking about this on text. I think there's just a lot of bad teams that fucking don't know how to close a game. Like that pre-

You don't think that they've changed the rules so much so that no game is ever out of reach. No game is ever out of reach now. That games were fucking over with a quarter to go when I was a kid. You know what happened Paul? People shut the fucking game off and they didn't watch the commercials.

So the advertiser was like, what the fuck if this is a blowout we should have a little thing here in the contract that I don't have to fucking pay if nobody's watching. They used to switch the game off, throw you to somebody else. Now all of the Sun Paul, Paul, you're telling me on a 33 fucking 32 quarterbacks, like fucking 27 of a Marjol Montana. No, I'm looking to regard to minchew. It's hard to hear that name and not no offense

to him, but there's no quarter back in the league that cannot cannot have an amazing fourth quarter come back now. That was not the case. When I was coming up, it was fucking John L. Way, Joe Montana. There was like a handful of guys that could do it and everybody else. I don't know Paul, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe it's the video games. Yeah. I mean, look, man, they definitely do like make up calls and shit like that. But I do think the better team, like, like, I really thought the shocker for me was, I thought the Eagles and 49ers were going to come down to like a lot of shocker for you. What?

I got a shocker for you. I'm going to take the Seattle Seahawks, getting 10 and a half points division rivalry going down that they always play him. It's always a fucking tight game. Oh, I think 49 is walking around they're sucking their own dicks. All they're waiting for is like a cowboys. They don't give a fuck about the Seahawks.

Seahawks are on a threat to them. They're gonna come in there, you know, fucking lean into the side a little bit, you know. This is still gonna be taken off to fucking jewelry and it's already gonna be fucking 10 to 10 at halftime. I'm telling you. If there's two things I've learned about you since we've been doing the show is Bill loves the sneaky Pete bet and he loves the rapin bits games.

Yeah, I mean, Paul, why are you why are you acting like you don't have tendencies? Oh, I do. I'm the chargers. Before the show started this morning when I was looking at the lines, I saw those two games and I like to see how I was getting all those points and I was hoping Bill would, I didn't say anything before the show, but I swear to God, I think I started to tell Jake I was really hoping Bill would take both the Seahawks and the Ravens. I swear to God. I was like, this is the week that Bill just finally, my theories come together. They finally come together. Paul, don't take that person that I saw. You look down like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, my, my theories come together. They finally come together. Paul, don't take that person to that.

Sorry, you look down like. No, no, no, one. That's a great pick. To all I was saying. That's a great kid on Cincinnati, that wide receiver that caught that ball and took off and looked like DK Metcalf. There's like fucking five or six receivers in the league that have like D on Sanders chase. Was it too hard, Chase? I don't know, oh Chase is amazing. He's got the perfect last name.

No, that's why I think it was like crossing the goal line and he was still separating from defensive backs. Like, if I was an NFL team, I'm looking for the next Dale Green. Like, who isn't? But like beyond his covering ability, Dale Green's speed, like, these guys nowadays, like, like DK Metcalf is like, the guy's a fucking terminator. No, that was not. He should not be that size running that fast. It's terrifying. It was it was ridiculous. Um, the Patriots could have drafted him. Really? Yeah. He was on the board. Yeah. Yeah. He was on the board. Well, it's easy after you see the guy crush it. I hate when people do that. How the fuck did you take this guy after

that? Okay. You know, I could neither one of them played an NFL game. And I think DK was hurt. Someone's telling me he was hurt. His senior season. He went to Mississippi. Am I. Yes. Yes. You're making me sad. Dude, you know what? That made me think about. Oh, it hurts. It's the hell. You know, I love you to death. Please don't make don't please I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I'm not going to say that I pick after the pick and the pick before that we that we missed by one pick was Steph Curry. Steph Curry was seven, dude, and we had eight or whatever. You're voiceless. Seven Curry. You're doing it. Seven Curry.

Oh, you can do it. Just look up a guy and go. All right. I got worried when you said you said because being sad, Napol is all right. But being sad in December, that's when you really got to keep an eye on your friend. You know what? You know why I'm not sad? You know what? Maybe Adam I said the gift that keeps on giving everybody when you feel like it's absolutely over the New York Yankees

give you a gift to a bow on it says that was so we could do it this. We're getting all you suckers to go buy some tickets. Yes, true. All right. We got to talk about one team that you mentioned and we talked about this. I know our picks are over. Are the Miami dolphins for real or are the Miami dolphins blowing out teams because they're lying this week is minus.

They are minus 13 and a half against the Tennessee Titans. They are absolutely obliterating teams that are around 500 or less and they're struggling against teams that are better. Druggling. They've lost to everybody. They lost to the fucking bills. They lost to the Ravens. They lost to the Niners and they lost to the Eagles. They've lost to all. They didn't lose to the Ravens. So I think they played the Ravens. I knew your Zeev. Oh, I thought they lost to the Ravens. They lost to the, yeah, they do. They suddenly sounded like I knew what I was talking about

So you know what with that jacket today. I shouldn't even said that. I should have just let you go I love the jacket. I love the team regardless of their fucking record. What are you gonna do? Are the Miami dolphins gonna get a big surprise in a playoffs bill or what? Yes, all right Do that I think you know, I think they can win one week, but I just don't think that they're, they're, they're, you know, they're not beating the chiefs. I don't think they are. Paul, this stand-up comedian says that that professional football franchise is not being this other football franchise. Do the Baltimore Ravens, the Baltimore Ravens are going to be a fucking problem, I think.

I think the Baltimore Ravens may be there in the AFC championship game. I don't know, man, that kid is good. I think the Ravens, I think the fucking bangles that they can make it in could be a problem for somebody. They have a great defense and all of a sudden this kid's playing all right. Yeah. Joe Burrow, man, that would have been all right. You know what, play a fucking team with a really good defense in the playoffs. You just don't Uh deep is that Paul, huh? You ever thought you've never had that thought before really Bill

Oh, I thought I thought you wanted to play a fucking team. You don't want to play a team with a bad defense And I tell you what you guys don't want to play a team with a good wide receiver good running game and a decent defense in a playoffs, you do not want to see that team good quarterback I received a good running game and a decent defense in the playoffs. You do not want to see that team. Good quarterback. Woof. You know, a lot of people don't think you need a good quarterback to win, but I'll tell you this, Paul. You know, and I'll take the hits on social media.

I'll tell you what, dude. You need a franchise level player. You have to quarterback position. You know what, listen, I don't know what I'm going to do by offense around it. Yeah, I mean, I don't know much, but I'll tell you what, you do not want to go against a good experience coaching the playoffs. All I'm saying, you don't want to. I'll tell you what you really want to avoid a stack team. Okay, with gamers in every position. By the way, Paul, who do you like between Michigan and Alabama? You know, I watched Alabama in that Georgia game. Oh, by the way, Andrew Themless just said Raven's looking better

against the chiefs in the AFC chair. Yeah, I mean, that's going to be if it's Raven's chiefs AFC championship game, dude, I think gun to my head. I think gun to my head. I'll take Baltimore dolphins. Jake the snake dolphins haven't beaten a team over 502 years. Well, see, you know, that's why Jake was hired. You know, Jake, I mean, you're earning your money, Jake. You know what it is, Paul? You know what it is about the dolphins? Dolphins are like that fucking six that puts on a bunch of makeup and a wig and fuck me

pumps and all that. That's what they are, okay? And then you get a wig and fuck me pumps and all that. That's what they are. Okay. And then a year of home and she starts taking everything. No, they're all Titz-no-ass. It's like, that's perfect. Dolphins are all Titz-no-ass. That's fucking perfect.

We gotta keep that one. That's Paul Verzi is right there. That's a good one. Yeah, you show up, you see this. Hey up. You see a lot of pain in that house. I saw it, dude, I saw what Alabama did to Georgia, man. And I got to be honest, I was really impressed with how Alabama, I mean, I know that turnover that the quarterback with Georgia dropped the ball and he didn't even know that fucked him up. But Michigan's good, dude. That's a good game, man. That's a good game. Who do you like? Alabama. It's just going to, it's going to come, I think they both have, you know, unbelievably talented players, both great programs. But at the end of the day,

it's Nick Sabin. It's Nick Saban. They're going to get him. SEC versus the, uh, what's big 10, the big 10 and big 46, but they still call it the big 10. Yeah. And usually the SEC is better, right? Better competition in that conference. It's, well, I mean, you, you, like, you're dealing with Nick Saban. And if you're a number one pick coming out of high school and Alabama calls, you're going. So he's just what the program that he's built there, people know that you're gonna be playing on a national TV, you're gonna get all this exposure,

and you're gonna win championships. So they basically, you know, I feel like because of that, at every position, their player is would be, you know, they have guys on the sideline that would probably be starting at most colleges. And then, then, then, then, then, but you backup. I just think like the level of, uh, because I, you know, I, with the kids, I can't watch as much as I like to, but like, I've seen a few games and like some guy goes down, you're like, oh, man, they're like, oh, this is a big thing for this next guy comes in and it's just there's no drop off. Well, the perfect example

of that was Jalen Hertz and two were the quarterbacks at Alabama at the same time. That's like two quarterbacks killing it in the NFL. Were they both play both played there? Yeah, Sabin. Sabin took out Hertz and put into it and two came in and through a touch at a national championship. I mean, it's like, yeah. Yeah, it's it's a it's a minor league NFL team is what Alabama is. But I don't know. It's going to be good. But as far as like the rest of the SEC, obviously, George is really good. But you know, then he got, you know, that like they're up a restaurant.

There's always like a couple of teams that could pretty much, you know, I don't know, it's a different, you know, it's more, I feel like it's more of an NFL style where it's to the air where Big 10 is more smash mouth, yeah, kind of football, and I don't know, I'm in over my head on this one. I don't think the big 10 historically speaking, I mean, the last like 15 years has done well against the SEC. I don't think. I mean, but all how state one year was just a fucking the year they won the championship. I think they beat an SEC team. Like, look, I say like LSU, even like the great LSU teams, you know, I don't think we're, we're at the level of a great Alabama team.

We were at Alabama teams kind of struggled a little bit. So I mean, we're at fucking Nick Saven dude. It's Nick Saven. I just, you know, I'll never forget that game. We went to Alabama LSU at LSU and the last minute Alabama got a touchdown. That place was filing out. Well, it was LSU, LSU fucking coached the way until like that's the thing. The difference between having Nick Saban, not having Nick Saban.

It's Auburn. Auburn had him fucking beat. Make a mental mistake. You drop a fucking punt and then you fucking rush to on the final play of the fucking game. And the guy stand back there for 25 seconds with all a list fucking wide receivers. How long could those corners cover up? Yeah, yeah.

Some point you're looking back like what the fucking you lose sight of the guy for a second now. Not taking away from the quarterback because that guy threw a fucking dart. Why do you think certain coaches like Nick Sabin aren't successful at the NFL, but in the college, do you think it's just because they know how to deal with kids better than dudes that are making millions of dollars and don't want to hear your shit? Like there's more of a motivational thing for a young person. I would ask a guy that coach the both levels.

I have no idea, but I will say that I think being a college coach as far as personnel is way more different. You can't lock a guy down in the college football. These guys stay for fucking a couple of years, especially college hoop. These guys are all one in 10, these big guys, and so it's like you're secure. It's not you know Back in the day when you got your chemo large ones like we got this kid for four years

He would have been a one and done. Yeah for one year and then the next year you got to try to find another one so I don't know, but I would say that the With my limited knowledge college football seems really difficult to me to stay successful for a long period of time. Or maybe the kids just want to go if you're successful, if you have a successful program, but, but the proof is in the pudding because most of those guys that dominate, look at that Ohio State guy, he fucking, you know, destroyed Michigan for the first 20 years of this decade, goes to the NFL and just fucking flamed out, ended up in a hooters with some chick on his

dick, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. What the hell is that guy's name? Erwin Meyer. Erwin Meyer, yeah. So, I mean, yeah, Nick Saber, but also like you coming up, he got to go from Alabama to the Cleveland Browns or the dolphins. Yeah, I have a theory on it.

I think that you motivate a young student athlete to be better than they thought they could be and they'll run through a wall for you and you call a guy over and you go, Hey, man, I want to give you a chance. I want to get you off the bench and you lift a guy's spirits and he'll fucking do anything. And then you go to the NFL and you tell a guy that knows he can fucking do it. And he's just like, Yeah, dude, I don't need to fucking do it. I'm about to fucking, I'm people keep coming at Bill Belichek. This latest thing that coming at him for is his fucking coaching tree. I get that, but you just have to say it. Who gives a fuck about his coaching tree?

And there's another thing, if the coach is underneath him, didn't do shit, doesn't that make him seem like an even better coach? But then when you talk about his coaching tree, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, It's Nick Sabin in it, which has who gives a fuck about his coaching tree and there's another thing if the coaches on an etham didn't do shit Doesn't that make them seem like an even better coach But then when you talk about that thing, oh, it's all it's all just Tom Brady You know what it is Paul. There's just a bunch of fucking haters out there. That's all they do. Yeah Well, number one you blew over my theory, which I thought was a good one. What was your theory?

No, I didn't even listen to it poll. I'm so self-involved. My college coach thing. I actually agree with what you just said about Belicec. I think the fact that Belicec's coaching tree fails or the guys under his, under him fails is because it shows him that he's better. Like, yeah, like who the fuck, who's Don Schulis I don't know that coaching tree is yeah they fucking Romeo Cranel went to the browns and everybody thought it

was gonna be good I remember saying something oh you got that guy crammed somebody's like we'll see do the judge a comedian on who used to fucking open Yeah, it's true. I saw that. I just wanted to see your face through that silent like, wait a minute, I used to open the bill. I was like, well, I haven't, you know, open for a while. It's hilarious. You're my baby. Success.

You know what's crazy about the Bella check stuff is how I literally heard people say he's done and it was Brady and then be like, Yeah, but you know what I'd take him. I'd love it if he took the I'd love it if he moved to came to the chargers Like you hear that so it's like everybody who thinks he's washed up. It's like yeah, LeBron's not what he used to be Whatever, but we'll take them, you know what I mean? That's the thing about Tom Brady Tom Brady leaves the Patriots And then he goes window shopping around the league to find the best situation. I mean, Bella check could do that. No? Yeah.

And dude, at what point is coaching out of Bella checks heart? How long are you going to do it? It was a man, is a man almost 80? I mean, how long? He's just woke up with this like long time wife, girlfriend, dude. This guy's going to be weird and a barber. What are you talking about? He's probably got stem cells right now.

What do you think? What is it out of his heart? Well what heart what are you talking about? This man's mine. It's about dude. Is he 70 how old is Bill Bellicic? He's got to be over 70 He's younger than Pete Carol. Is he? Yeah, he's a year younger than Pete Carol dude Pete Carol is the guy He's taking the the fucking dick Clark HGH dude. That guy is not age. Pete Carol. It's amazing.

He's chewing his gum as fast as ever. He's running up and down the sidelines. He's clapping. He's, I mean, he's just joy. He's still has a joy. He's fucking chewing that gum like Mike, Mike Ditko always chewing the gum has the jaw. Um, hey, you got to start chewing some gum, okay? Yeah, you know, here's the thing though, man.

Florida State getting fuck 13 and 0. I'm glad they're going to a deeper playoff next year. We're more to 12 teams make it. Cause you know what systems broken? If a college football team like Florida State goes 13 and 0. And they're not in a position. Well, the system isn't broken. There's 2000 fucking teams.

What are they supposed to do? Yeah, but I'm talking about an undefeated team. Can't miss something, dude. You say can't Paul. They beat everybody they got in front of. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What do you mean can't miss something, dude. Just they can't pull. They beat everybody they got in front of him. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? What do you mean?

Things fail all the time. 13 and 0, dude. Yeah. What are you special? But what do you tell him? Hey, you're the only team ever be undefeated. It's not enough, there's not enough fucking room. Remember when the choppers left Vietnam, those people fucking hanging on the skids falling off.

This is what the world is like. This never quite enough. Did you pull up to these fucking stores out here, Paul? The store can hold 100 people. There's like fucking 10 parking spots. That's what life is. But who deserves a parking spot? The handicap guy. We stay in home all the time

All right, we got a we got people stay home more than regular people is it just so fucking obvious when they do and how come the handicaps Spots are always open when I go into a thing they're always there and then got one time I took one one time I took one I couldn't handle it. I circled four times. I go fuck it I'm going in for five minutes and I did it we had to Only didn't want to use this pot. I only did it once. Days is pot there were seven spots bill. Nobody was taking them. I circled four times Well, how do you know one of those wheelchair basketball teams wasn't gonna pull up to get a fucking slurping? They all drove separate cars like fucking swingers.

That's how scared of my wife I was that day. Her calling going, what's taking so long? Yeah, fuck it. All right, I guess that we're getting the hint from the first day. You know, I wouldn't defend in you in that story, but I know your sense of direction. So I'm on your wife's side on that one.

What's taking so long? You should have been like, what even what's taking so long? I get lost in Manhattan, the fucking streets are numbered. Dude, I got to tell you something before we get our producers are telling us to hurry up and go to the Monday night special. But before I do, Bill, I walked out of my hotel room, dude. I was thinking to you and I did this. The two people that laugh at me the most are you and you and Janice just, Janice just goes, dude, I've never seen, he's like a shockingly bad. I walked out of my hotel room and I went the wrong way to the elevator and I stopped in the middle of the hallway and I turned and I go, how did I, I just couldn't get my

bearings, dude. It's something, somebody goes, oh, you have direction dyslexia and they go, that's a thing and I go, what is that? And they go, yeah, you just can't figure it out. I was like, all right. Yeah, dyslexia has nothing to do. That would be like, you know, I guess you only read signs and you can't see what they say. All right, let's get into Monday. Monday night special. Yeah, it's like being tone deaf. You know, you can take all the singing lessons you can.

You're not going to be able to sing a song. This direction is not your thing. No, it's not, you know, you're just traveling comedian. I just don't, I don't think it's going gonna come up that much. Oh my God, Paul. You're so fucking lucky, they have GPS now. Oh, dude. Do you imagine? Can I imagine I lived it?

I got off a plane when trying late, drove 80 miles an hour in the wrong direction for a fucking hour and a half. I had to drive 80 back just to get to where I started. I got a fucking ticket on the way. I told you that story. They got the fucking cop pulled me over. He was in his car.

He had a little bubble. He got out. The only part of the cop uniform was he had the shirt. And he had like, tucked into Wranglers. I was in the middle of fucking nowhere. I was going like, it's guy gonna kill me. And he came up and he punched my window. He goes, get it out.

I felt like I was in a Cohen brother movie. All right, let's let the Monday night special. Win some money for you. All right, we got giants and Packers and both of us picked the other team. We got an under over a 36. We got the giants getting six and a half. We got Jordan Love playing quarterback on the other team. We got Tommy Cutler's playing quarterback on our team.

Say, Quam Barkley's in the games. A lot going on here. I don't know. What do you think? I think the Packers. I think Love throws one. Now what's the under over? The under over moved to 37.

Oh, I was going to say because I thought it was going to be low. 37. Oh, we do we can do. 17. I think giants get an interception. Can we do that or no? You shouldn't be allowed to do a Monday night special when your team is playing. No, no, dude, I think Sequan's gonna get 245 yards.

You wanna do a Sequan yards thing or what do you wanna do? Overrun or just moved to 37. Okay, P Carol's 72, Bellicchek is 71. And those are oldest in the league, right? Yep. Wow. All right, so the line move from 37 to 36. So that means money's on the over.

I take the over. You want to hear some player props. Right now, it's like Tommy DeVito. You can get him, you know, over under 150. That seems like where they're kind of starting 150s pretty low. I'd still probably take the under. I don't think he's going to put up 150.

150 yards passing? Yeah, dude, who's he going to throw? I mean, yeah, Tommy DeVito, what do you have last year? Week. I mean, dude, 150. Tommy DeVito sounds like some kid in detention. Paul. Oh, yeah. I told you to stop hanging out with that God damn Tommy DeVito.

Where ever Tommy goes, trouble follows. Dude, a hundred and fifty yards pass. And on Monday night football, dude, he should do that. I mean, Jake, what do you think? It he should do that. I mean, Jake, what do you think? It's a low number. I mean, it's a real low. It's hard to say.

Hard to say. He could dump a pass to Sequan, Sequan goes for 30 yards with that pass. Oh, I'm sick you talking about Sequan like he's burning up the league. He isn't. Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't mean that he isn't.

Yeah, but he was hurt for three games. Yeah, but this little chemistry between him and DeVito at this point. You know how many good quarterbacks right now are not hitting good. What do you mean he gave DeVito the Tommy cutlet's nickname and hugged him and said, I love you. All right. So they had a good lunch. What do you want to do?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God. Paul, Paul, the chemistry. Paul loves the, uh, what's Bill? I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. You got what? What the fuck did it go to seven? So it was six and a half, the beginning of this podcast. No, no, no, no, no. I got a win by seven, I'm saying. All right. You say seven, Paul. Now I got a win by fucking eight. Yeah, do say one buck who's getting a touch on in this game on the night of football at the stadium.

I mean, there's no, I would put, I would fucking, I would bet a lot on it. Okay, I'll bet you 50 bucks he does it. What? Yeah. Thank you. All right. On the side bet. Okay. I bet you 50 bucks he does it. What? Yeah. Damn. All right. On side bet. Okay. You 50 bucks he does it. Cyclone Barkley gets a touch on Monday night. Say, Juan, not side. Juan. Say, Juan, Barkley. Well, tell me how to say my favorite players name. Well, you're fucking always talking about the guy.

Dude, where does he rent? Guys, I mean, he's not burning up the league, but for a guy that missed a bunch of people. He's on a bad, he's a great fucking player and a bad team. That's why he keeps getting fucking hurt. All right, it's deep in the season. That guy has taken a bunch of fucking 2 and 11 hits. No, you're right. You know what, you stopped me in my tracks because I thought about when he got hurt

and it was to stop them up at the line as crim of your right. Bad offensive line. I'll fuck you up All right, so you got to get fat guys that can move Paul Just having people that are fat is not an offensive line. It's true It's true You got to have how much you fucking eat as long as you can move all right, I gotta be somebody at 10.45 Let's wrap this up. What do we got here?

So we got Jordan Love to throw one. The Packers to cover. Say, Quan Barkley to get in any time touchdown for your Monday night special. We don't fuck with the under over me. Paul, you got a side bet. 50 bucks. Just make it fun. That's say, Quan gets a touchdown.

Monday night. That's our side bet. I hope I lose, you know, Hey, isn't that means I get to take you out for a stake dinner? There you go. There you go. Oh, it's 50 bucks. You should have been with a fucking you taking me. Tads.

All right, guys, there you go. Those are our week 14 picks Monday night special. Jordan love to throw one packers to cover. Say, Quang Barkley for a touchdown anytime. We hope you win. Bet responsibly deposit $10 into the account. You'll get up to $1,500 in bonus bets. So go to the bed MGM app, download it to your phone,

and have a good time with us. There you go. Week 14. We got three more of these, dude. And the season is finito. Hey, what's our records right now? I picked up two games. So what am I like four under 500? You're one game under.

How is that possible? I feel like I've just been sh- you know, I just went two and two every week. You were- no dude, you had two dude. You're doing this like you don't even realize you've on week 14. You've had two games that were under fought two weeks that were under 500 to that's like nuts. I know, but I've only had two games over. No, but I've said one in three one in three and last week I've went one two and one. So that's under 500 by half a game. Yeah, but you're still Billy wins some loose some. Billy wins some loose some. But now she was she bill whole Billy whiskers. I think

I'm still steady. I think I'm like nine games over nine and a Some like eight and a half nine, but you hate games over. I'm like, yeah, I'm 23 15 and two Paul you are suplex in the book. Well, dude October. I just bent October over and fucked it You know, but you do that two years in a row. Hey Paul Paul fucking Mr. Rocktober bill. I'm Bill, I'm a fall guy. I'm a fall, you're 20, Paul, you're 20. Oh no, I was 23. You're 20. Yeah, you're 27. You're 27, uh, 19 and two 27, 19 and two against the spread, Paul. Who's doing that? Where is the Ena Spie in Paul? Why haven't they hired you? Bill, you're in 1925 and two.

Yeah, 1925 and two Paul. What are you talking about? I knew I was way under. What do you mean? He's not... No. What? Yeah, Bill was through a week 11, Bill was 18, 21 and one. Two weeks ago, he went one, two and one, and last week he went one, two and one again, right? One, two and one, both weeks, you just said. No, only one week. No, last week. He was two and two. Last week, I was three and one last week he went one, two and one again, right? One, two and one, both weeks, you just said. No, only one week.

No. But it was last week. He was two and two. Last week, I was three and one last week. He was three and one the last week. So would you take away by three and one? God damn you, Andrew. All right, so yeah, so you're 19 to eight.

So you're 22, 24 and one. So Paul's right. Paul's paying attention. Two and a half games back. Yeah, yeah. I know what Greek, hey, I know what Greek, I'm listening to on this podcast now. All right, guys, there you go. Enjoy week 14. And we'll see you next week for week 15. It's so safe. Jake the snake for no, baby. Let's see. Nobody's ever gone for no two times in a row. No, No, dude, Jake, the snake coming history. He can make history.

The whole world's watching, Jake. All right, I'll see you guys. Thank you so much for watching. All right, take care, man. Yes, that's gotta be the wings. Wings, nice. Where'd you order wings from? Louisiana.

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