Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-2-22

Episode Date: February 4, 2022

Bill rambles about counterfeits, Tom Brady, and reads the news. Butcher Box: Sign up at ButcherBox.com/BURR and get 2 lbs of ground beef free in every order for the life of your membership.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you, just checking in on you. Seeing how you're doing, how your life's working out. How you been since Monday? If you listen all the time, why don't we have this fucking hat on? All right. Sorry. Anyway, old freckles, COVID negative, negator, negative. So there you go. There you have it. I am part of the Stuttastax. You know, and I got both shots and I got the booster. So I didn't even know I fucking had it. Unless I tested, then I tested and I realized I had, I thought I just had a little scratchy throat there, which happens from time to time. But I am calling

it the shot from now on. It's not a vaccine, a vaccine. Let me look up a definition of a vaccine. Vaccine. Doesn't that mean you get it once and then you can't get the shit? Although I know it was for the 19, not the Omicron. It was for the Star Wars version, not the Empire Strikes Back. Vaccine definition. A substance used to simulate the production of antibodies and provide immunity against one of several diseases prepared from the caustic, caustacean agent of the disease. It's product or a synthetic substitute treated to act as an antigen without inducing the disease. Okay. So it's still, so it isn't just you get it and you're done. How long should vaccines, oh wait, I got one. What's

the difference between a vaccine and a shot? By the way, for all you non-vaxxers, I am not microchipped and I didn't grow a foot where my dick was. Whatever dumb shit you thought was going to happen. Immunization or vaccination, what is the difference? Let's see, let's see. So maybe you can still call it a vaccine. How does immunization work? The term, this is funny. This is like literally what people do and then 10 minutes later they feel like they have a strong argument. This is what I'm doing right now. People on both sides do this. Let me Google this and then I'll Google that and now I'm ready to argue. Who wants some? I don't know what the fuck it is. All I know is I got the shots and I

was fine. I smoke cigars every day I had COVID and I felt fucking great. I've seen the people that didn't get the shit and they were fucking gray. They did not look so hot. Oh God, dude, I don't have the fucking shit, dude. I'll tell you, you don't want to get it, man. You don't want to get it. That's all I heard. So plowing ahead. All right, so because of COVID I had to reschedule my fantasy springs resort date in Palm Springs, California. My apologies for the late cancellation. I was hoping I was going to test negative but it did not happen. So there's still a few tickets left because I know some people were traveling in to see the show and they had to give up their tickets. I feel bad about that. You can go to billburr.com

for the ticket links. There's some left. Once again, my apologies to people. I don't know. I mean, it was beyond my control. Yeah, so there you go. By the way, so even though I've been really busy lately, I'm trying to put this project together. I'm out in Hollywood people. I'm developing a project. I actually got to watch the third period of the Bruins versus the Kraken Kraken. Look out for the Kraken. They're kind of a piece of shit team. They're not fast, so they just try to injure you. It kind of seems how they play. You know, kind of a throwback team. They don't have any wheels. They're expansion teams. So it's like, all right, you're faster than we are. So I guess boarding is on the fucking, it's on the plate. I don't know. The last second

turn. And then I watched the Celtics, the last quarter and a half of them beating the Hornets, just letting the Hornets hanging around. The Hornets just kept playing and we kind of felt like we had them beat. I like watching the Celtics when I finally get a chance. It was weird. My kids were in a decent mood as far as they were cool with watching what they call daddy TV. Which is anything that isn't like, you know, puppy dog pals, that baby Spider-Man with the, like the brother and sister Spider-Man, whatever that one's called. Which is the guy, the guy who wrote that music, I just saw as the guy from Panic at the Disco, I want to say. I missed that whole decade of music. No, fall out, boy. Fall out, boy. There you go.

The lead singer that wrote all of this music and he taught himself like the trumpet. I was watching this whole thing on it. It was fucking amazing. So anyway, MotoGP starts this month. I think F1 starts next month. March Madness is coming up. It's all good stuff. All of it. All of it. All of it. Great news, sports-wise, to take my mind off of two things. One, there's only one football game left this year. Super Bowl. You know, by the way, speaking of the Super Bowl, you know, I'm a weirdo. I went on eBay and I was looking for AFL football cards, you know, to see, you know, if I could get a Bay Pirelli or something like that. Why not, right? What else am I going to do? Read a book? You know, that ain't happening. This isn't why you tune

into this podcast. So I was looking that up and I somehow got into like memorabilia and all of that shit. And this person is selling this Super Bowl II Green Bay Packers button. I want you guys to look this up because I think it's a fake. They want $700 something for it. It says AFL versus NFL. And then on the top, it says Super Bowl. Now, as far as my knowledge of NFL football, the first two games were called the NFL AFL championship game. It was not called the Super Bowl until Super Bowl III. And then retroactively, historically, they called the first two AFL NFL championship games, Super Bowl I and Super Bowl II, but they were not called that. And I don't even think that the phrase was even coined until then. So I'm sitting there going,

like, wait a minute, is this a fake? I was all excited, like I was a sleuth. And then maybe I could have, I could have a side career on fake sports memorabilia, because I have all this fucking useless knowledge about that shit. Like you ever remember watching like Pawn Stars, and they'd have those experts come in on shit, or I like watching stuff where people tell if it's like a fake Cuban cigar or not. That's a big one for me. I like when I see fake guitars. I followed this kid, he collects guitars, and he bought this slash model, the snake pit one that had, you know, the snake on the outside and going up the neck and all of this shit. And they didn't make that many of them. So the guitar is worth like, I don't know,

15, 20 fucking grand. I don't know. I don't think you're welcome to the jungle is going to sound any better on that than on a Honda if you suck like me. But anyway, that's what they paid. And he found out, it's his excruciating video watching this guy find out that he blew 15 grand on a fucking fake. I think I did that too. There was a guy advertising a snare drum played by John Bonham. And I paid, I just bought it because I thought it was his. Then when I got it, I'm like, how the fuck can I even prove the system? And I finally opened it up because I've had it for years and I kind of knew it was a fake and I was nervous to look at it. And first of all, it looks like it's like a five inch shell and he always played, what was it? No, wait, he played

like a, what was it? Six and a half by 14. And this thing was like, I'm like, that's a fucking, that is just an old Ludwig snare drum that they wrote Bonham on the, on the drum case. So I don't know what to do with the thing. I don't even know. I got to figure out, they gave me like a certificate of authenticity. Well, all I can tell you is this, don't ever buy something like that on the internet. I remember one time I tried, this is a obscure Prince album, you know, that I always heard quests love talking about. And I tried to buy one off the internet, paid all of this fucking money and the bullshit that came to me. And it was some dude in Japan, I was, you know, I was going to chase the guy down to get my fucking money back. I don't know, I don't know where I stand with

counterfeiters. There's something fucking hilarious about it. You know, I think counterfeit money is the only thing that I really respect. But there is something funny that somebody is just, just has the talent to make something that actually looks like the real thing, but isn't. And instead of just working for the company in a legit way, they go the pirate route. Like they, like there's no excitement unless there's some sort of stealing involved. Let's look up something here. The psychology of a counter, they have one of the serial killer of a counterfeiter. The counterfeit self, the deceptive costs of faking it. Counterfeit self, the role of the counterfeit self. Oh, that's just not saying what you're thinking, right?

The psychology of knockoffs, owning a counterfeit version of it. Okay, here we go. Oh, this is why people buy it. They're not saying why they make it. This is how I surf the internet. I come up with weird theories and then, Jesus Christ, look at the fucking legs on her. This website uses cookies. Oh, does it? So does the government. I don't understand why, I don't understand. It says accept or reject, and I just say reject, like they're not doing it anyway. It has been argued the desire to own, or at least to be seen to own luxury goods combined with influencer and social media driven culture reinforces the message that the success is measured by the ownership of material goods

has resulted in a toxic formula, and I am out. I'm out. Just the whole way that that was fucking written, I'm just like, this is just a fucking, just skimming the surface article. First and not even that, I want to know why. I just, I want to talk to a counterfeiter. Well, you just sat there. Everybody thinks I got to go out and make money. They don't really think I need to make money. You know, like literally, that's funny if you're a counterfeiter. What have you been up to? Eh, making money. What are you doing? I'm in the paper industry. That shit is fascinating to me. Like, I cannot imagine this, how scared you are in the fucking rush the first time you go out with your paper. You know, I'd counterfeit $1 bills. That's what I just go to titty bars. No kidding.

I would kind of fit $1 bills. That's kind of rough though. I know why they don't do it, but I just figured no one would be expecting that. But then you would just so flood the market with these $1 bills every time you bought something for a grant. No, this is what you do. Your partner in crime has big fake tits. All right. And she goes into the bank every week with the garbage bag full of these $1 bills. You create a fake W2 at the local titty bar and they, you know, from some, you know, titty bar that doesn't exist or whatever, right? To the Cayman Island or some shit, right? An offshore titty bar. Sorry, I'm not the best at this. And she just goes in and she drops the sack down and then she doesn't withdraw it, right? And then you just have like

the ATM card and then you just work on that, right? And here's the thing. She's a real stripper. That's it. She's a real fucking stripper. So then what I do is, you know, 10% of her shit. At that point, I might as well be doing fives and twenties, but I feel like they're going to figure, don't take it to a bank. They're going to figure it out. Stupid idea. Stupid fucking idea. Okay. This is what you do. You get a fucking stripper, right? You ask her, what do you make of any given night? What do you make? And she tells you what you make or what the best dancer makes. And she goes in there when the dancer isn't looking, she switch out the dancers, you know, real money with the fake money that I make. And then she'd take it down

to the bank and she'd immediately get caught and she said, I got it at work and then they would set up cameras and then we get caught. Fuck, this is hard. All right. Whatever. I'll get back to you on that one. Anyway, but well, I'm kind of avoiding the biggest subject of the week is, unless you want to talk about real shit that fucking holds too depressing, just in the world of, like, I don't want to pay attention to real shit. So I'm going to pay attention to other shit. Tom Brady, the greatest NFL quarterback of all time. Not only does he call it quits, he does it in such a classy way, I thought, didn't make a big to do about it or any of that shit. Nobody knew it was his last game, just announces it on, on, was it Instagram or some shit?

I thought it was great. And I thought all those Pat's fans that had, you know, there wasn't too many, like, I read one woman said she was heartbroken that he didn't thank them. It's like heartbroken, heartbroken. The guy goes out there. He wins six Super Bowls. He puts us on the fucking map. Nobody has more Super Bowls than us. Before that, everybody who had a, any, everybody had at least as little as we did or as, or more than us before he came. And by the time he was done with us, nobody had more than us. That's unfucking believable. And you're heartbroken because he didn't send you a hallmark card. But once again, it was a very small portion of the population, but that's all the sports news media needs. And then they started acting like that was all Patriots

fans. I got to be honest with you, he didn't even owe me a statement. If he just didn't come back, where's Tom Brady? Oh, you're retired. Ah, good for him. Good for him. He's got all that money. He's already down in Florida. It's fucking perfect. Good for him. That's a big thing with me. I love seeing people retire. I'm so fucking happy for him. I'm retired. I'm done. Can you imagine that? Let's say you're, you're Tom Brady's age, what, 44 years old? And let's just say you're retired. Now, look, obviously you got to do something. You can go out of your fucking mind. All right. But how long would you not do shit for? If you had, if you had like a superstar athlete's money, you know, I mean, here's the deal. Men that make the money that he has, if they didn't have a woman

in their life, they could not work ever again. So the key is, is to have a woman that actually is, has a career, which he does. So I think, yeah, I think they're good. That would be the shit. 44 years of age. What are you doing? Just going to hang around and watch my kids grow up. Fantastic. Think he gets, you think he's going to have a sandwich now? Some bread? Go down to Subway? I don't know. I don't know what, but I think like everything he did, it was perfect. It was perfect the way he retired. And I think it's, was the perfect time to go. And, you know, you saw all the things that everybody said he did. I hope somebody mentioned the fact I've never seen in a superstar

athlete, after they leave the team that they went championships with and they air quote, hang on for the last couple of years, I've never seen one go out, win a championship. And in their final year, lead the league in passing in, in, in, in yardage and touchdowns or something like that. His last year in the league, he see through for over 5,000 yards. He never dipped for 22 NFL seasons. It should have been sad. This should have been people saying he's hanging on too long and all of that shit. Never fucking, he could have played again another year. Unreal, unfucking believable. So I figured that's the one that people probably didn't bring up out of all the things that they've talked about all his, all his records and all that. So,

you know, Jesus Christ, unfucking believable. I wonder how many, how many quarterbacks came and went that if you looked like starting quarterbacks beginning of every year that he played, I mean, he was right at the right, he came in right when Elway and Marino went out. And let's see. I'm trying to think something. He caught the end of Troy Aikman, I think. Troy Aikman might have left before him. I always forget if Troy Aikman played into the 2000s or not. But I know like, who else was still around? Brett Favre was obviously still around. Jesus Christ, Dan Pasterini. I don't know. I don't fucking, my brink. I don't, I'm not going to go with quarterbacks. Donovan McNabb or the amount of people that had careers within his

career. You know, like Eli Manning started after him, retired before him. Peyton Manning started a few years before and then like, I think Brady played like another seven seasons beyond it. The longevity is incredible. I'm predicting he's going to make a whole bunch of money off that TB12 just within professional athletes because I think all of them, no one wants to retire and you want to stay competitive. He's got some sort of system going on over there that seems to work. Who knows, maybe I'll do TB12 and finally fix my fucking shoulders. All right, with that, let's read. So congratulations, Tom Brady. You did everything. And as a Pats fan, it was so awesome to see you go out on such a high note. And

I'm really happy for you that you're retired and you don't have to deal with any more bullshit. All right, I got one read this week. Butcher box, everyone. Butcher box, meal prepping is difficult. Butcher box makes it easy. Butcher box is a subscription service that takes the guesswork out of finding high quality meat. Butcher box sources their meat from partners with the highest standards for quality beef. No more searching the grocery store for 100% grass fed beef, free range organic chicken and wild caught at seafood. You don't know what it's going to do and more. Their sourcing decisions are made holistically, keeping the farmer, the planet, the animal and your family in mind. I love knowing what I know love knowing that I'm

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burr. B-U-R-R, claim this deal. All right. There we go. So anyways, anyways, anyway, one of these days, I'm going to get that right. Anyway, I've been on the fucking actor diet. I got an acting gig coming up. So, well, Billy Freckles, Billy Freckles is moving down the notches on his belt, knocking down the COVID weight. I did the sound mix on my new special. Very excited about that. Next, I do the fucking color. We do the color, old Billy Blue Eyes. Coming out for one more dance of shit and dick jokes. I'm very excited about this one. I kind of haven't seen it in like a month and a half, so I kind of had like fresh eyes looking at the thing. And I am very, very, very excited. I think

it's my best work. I am very anxious for you guys to see it. So all we got to do is just colorize this thing, send it over to the good folks at Netflix, and then they'll decide out of the fucking when it comes on. That's basically how it works. And in the meantime, I'm going down to the comedy still, because I got to work on my shit here. I got to make sure or go over to the laugh factory or the fucking improv, right? I got to maybe some place in the valley. Who knows? Who the fuck knows? Waiting for the ice house to reopen out there in Pasadena, over to Flappus, the LA Comedy Club. I love them all. What's the other one? The Supernova. I don't give a fuck. You know what I'd love to do? I'd love to buy a small theater out here, like a hundred-seater.

I think that's the way to do it, and just build your hour that way. Give away the fucking show. People show up. Right? Well, I got to pay rent. Well, it depends on how cheap I get it. How fucked up the seats are. And then every time I want to put together a new hour, I just go down there for like a week, do two shows a night, and just puke it out and start to form it. I would think after a couple of weeks, I'd have something that was worthy of then taking it over to the store and all of that shit and then going out on the road. But there's been a number of theaters out here that I've performed at over the years that I loved, and then they just, they fucking disappear. It sucks. There was one, the No Name Theater. It's the first place I met

Josh Adam Myers. First place I jammed with them. It was just great theater. It was right around a corner from another place that doesn't exist anymore. Cascade Studios, where I used to always play drums down there. They used to rent them out. They just had a drum kit, a DW kit set up in every room, and I got to know the guy, Joe, that ran it down there, and he would let me fucking go into the showcase for like 20 bucks for the hour. He always hooked me up. But yeah, I've been thinking about this. It's got to be something like maybe in the valley or some shit. I don't know what. Anyways, let's finish this thing up here. I don't have a lot to talk about because my life has just been fucking work lately and trying to eat well, getting ready for this thing. Someday,

when this fucking thing comes out, I'm going to tell you guys all about the whole process of making shit out here. The amount of fucking work is just staggering. I don't understand why when I fucking put in news, it immediately goes to Google News. See that guy, Jeff Zucker, resigns from CNN after a relationship with top executive. It was a consensual relationship. Why do you have to tell people that you're banging someone at work? Why is that? Hang on a second. Murdered officer. Officer's lieutenant says, enough is enough, slams California's woke narrative in eulogy. There we go. Here comes the pushback, going to get a little more balanced. It's going to be a little more bad. I wouldn't say

fair and balanced if it's done with Fox News, but I think it's going to be more balanced here. Let's see here. Let's see here. Where is the news? Google News. I like going with Google News. For some reason, if I see Yahoo News, I'm like, fuck that news. I like the Google News. Google News headline, top stories. Here we go. Nod to Jay Leno here, taken right from the headlines. Jeff Zucker resigns over a consensual relationship with a key lieutenant. Did you bang that lieutenant? Yes, I did. Did they want you to? Yes, they did. How dare you? I'm sorry. I resigned. Okay. I guess there was a bunch of other shit that happened too. But he resigns as head of CNN, citing failure to disclose a consensual relationship with a colleague. That says to me,

other shit was going on, and he wants to control the narrative. Who's going to fucking quit a job because you started banging one of your lieutenants? Why is there a lieutenant at a fucking news organization because they're fighting the war on information? Winter storm threatens a 2,000 mile stretch of the United States. Heavy snow falling, his storm system threatens to leave a treacherous mix of wintery precipitation for millions from the plains to the Northeast. Well, it's the winter. What did they think was going to happen? Pence's document to be turned over to January 6th Committee National Archives says, oh, Jesus, is that shit still going on? Are they still yelling about that keg party gone wrong?

The restraint crowd face palms over Biden's Ukraine threats. Is that like written by a professional journalist? The restraint crowd face palms. Oh, smacks themselves in the head over Biden's Ukraine threats. Oh, yeah, according to one of our listeners, he's trying to protect his son's job where he gets a million dollars a year for not even showing up. Fucking bum. Alleged. The fucking alleged bum. The alleged fucking bum. There you go. See, that's how you don't get sued. U.S. and NATO don't budge in answering Russian's demands. Are we really going to do this child shit again?

I wish all Americans both the red and the blue would all show up outside the White House and all those buildings and just start chanting grow up. Grow up, grow up, grow up, you know, or whether we're going to war with those guys. Yeah, no, we're not. No, you know what, buddy, you do it. You do it. Why don't you have a fight to the death with the other world leader? Who'd you take? Vladimir Putin versus fucking Joe Biden. Now, I know a lot of people are like, oh my god, any Russian versus fucking our thousand year old fucking president here. You know, I know that's what you're thinking, but I don't know. Putin likes a rigged game. I think he would have a bunch of tune up fights where guys would pretend to box them the way

they pretend to play hockey against him. And I know he's got some sort of like judo black belt or something like that, but isn't you think it's like the Elvis black belt? Like Dennis Miller made fun of a long time ago. One of my favorite references of all time said, so and so deserve that award as much as Elvis deserved his black belt was fucking incredible. Hang on a second from the black and white special, one of my favorites of all time. Vladimir Putin, martial arts. Let's see what he's got. What type of martial arts does Putin know? He's educated in the ancient form of poison mist sprayed at you when you have a heart attack.

What martial arts? How am I any judo? Okay, he knows judo. Let's this is the tail of the tape. Vlad. I'm gonna do the whole fucking HBO thing. Vladimir Putin height, weight, height and weight. Let's see. Let's see. He is 168 centimeters. Oh, come on, an American. I don't know. He didn't look too healthy either. It's like he drinks a lot of vodka. God, it's gotta be fun to be the fucking head of Russia, huh? Best vodka in the goddamn world. All those hot chicks over there. Oh, wait a minute. He's five foot six, weighs 152 pounds, lean and mean, blue eyes, of course,

blue eye devil, run in the country, hair color, salt and pepper. Born in 1952, 65. He looks great. I hate to say it as an American son of a bitch looks great. All right, Joe Biden, height and weight, age. All right, tail of the tape. So we got five foot six, 152, 65 years old, going up against Joe Biden. What do we got here? Come on with all the fucking ads, your cunts. He's six feet tall. He's got a half a foot on the son of a bitch. He weighs 158. So he makes weight. He's still a fucking middleweight. This fight is still on. Oh, here's the big one. He's 77. Deep blue eyes, another blue eye devil with gray, spooky hair. Okay. I think somebody's shitting on him here. He has a slim body build, build up with a charming smile.

His net worth is only 1.5 million. That's about as honest as it gets. You watch that balloon during his presidency. He did really well in the private sector. So who do you like? A 77 year old six foot guy or a five foot six, five foot six, 152, 65, and he knows judo. Let's see, Joe Biden, martial arts. Let's see. Well, he's old. Let's say boxing, boxing, martial arts. What do we got here? Trump vs. Biden. Who would win in an MMA fight? Punchy Biden lookalike granddad goes viral for fighting boxing. Does Joe Biden know any martial arts? Well, yes, he does. If you want to expand the usual definition of martial arts, he's quite an expert in the martial art of verbal judo. Oh, that was clever. That was clever. All right. That's fucking hilarious. They got Dana White standing

between the two of them. All right. Who would win? Who would win? Who gives a fuck? I'd have to go with the five foot six inch guy that drinks fucking vodka and knows judo, and he can at least skate. This is the thing. I think the biggest fucking thing for Vladimir Putin is he wouldn't want Joe Biden to get his hands on him. I just feel like he would do that old man thing where he would bite down and grit his teeth, maybe growl a little bit, have that old man fucking dust bowl strength. I don't know. It looks like Putin's been hitting the fucking bottle, man, at least in that picture. Dude, he's definitely looking a little blotchy. Jesus Christ. How big would that fucking pay

per view be? Let's say it's not a fight to the death. If they just fought each other, God, that would be sad. They have to be close. They got it. They got to come and wear in geese. Nobody wants to see those torsos, right? All right. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about at this point. I got one for you guys. Anybody out there got like a degree in what do they call? What was that? What was that stupid degree where you started government in college? All right. I want you to rank the world leaders as far as the toughest if they had to get in the octagon. I want you to make up a bracket, and I want you to tell me who's going to win and why. And if you guys want to weigh in, tell me who's your Duke, who's your UCLA,

who's your Kentucky. I got to admit, like back in the day, it's weird. There's a difference between being ruthless and putting people to death and then actually fighting somebody, you know, because old fatty cakes out there in North Korea, right? I mean, I heard he fed his uncle to dogs like naked because he thought he was trying to betray him, but that might also be U.S. propaganda. Who knows who the fuck knows, right? But that guy, like, I don't know if he's ever fucking whacked anybody. So that's a big thing with me. You know, as far as the intangibles, if you got a couple of kills under your belt, you know, age, obviously, like Saddam Hussein would have been a good guy to bet on, you know, like that guy seems like he would like, you know, just imagine him

with his eyes all fucking wide, like the undertaker, man, like that would be some scary shit, you know, full head of hair and that fucking Magnum PI mustache coming at you. You know, in a perfect world, when they all like would get like overthrown, they would then join this fucking over 60 wrestling thing, like Wrestling Federation, and Vince McMahon could have it. You know, over 65, like it's 60, if you make it to 65 without getting whacked, right, you automatically should have to step down as the leader of a country, and then you just joined that Wrestling Federation. That's how you earn your money, rather than going on a speech door. That's how you get your mansion in Martha's Vineyard.

You know, I got one other show idea for you guys. All right, you know, that show Big Brother, you do the canceled celebrity version of that, and you have Dr. Drew host it, and you have all these canceled celebrities go in there. And the whole competition is, is they have to become like better people. And in the end, you got to figure out who's not lying, who actually gives a shit that, you know, they did whatever they did. They're not all going to be Jem's people. All right, whatever. Can you tell them over tired? I don't give a fuck. All right. Once again, congratulations to Tom Brady. Unbelievable career. Just unbelievable. And thank you,

football gods, for bringing him to New England. I don't think you're ever going to see a run like that again, for that long, and that many titles. And if someone's going to do, I would love to see that get broken, because I love seeing greatness, and hopefully the guy plays for the Pats. All right, that's it, everybody. Who do you like? Who do you like in the Super Bowl? I think, you know, the spread came out. It's only three points. I think the Rams are favored by three. I don't know. I got this weird fucking feeling about the Bengals. I just have a weird feeling that they're going to do it. I don't know why. I don't know why. Verzi's got me thinking about their offensive line. I have no idea. But anyways, that's the

podcast. Listen to the Bet MGM segment. Oh, there is not one this week, because there's no game. So just enjoy the music and enjoy this next half hour of a bonus Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday Morning Podcast. Have a great weekend, and thank you to everybody who switched your plans to come out to my Fantasy Spring States. I'm going to go extra hard, extra, extra hard on that show. All right, that's it. I'll see you. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, Monday, February 3rd, 2014. How the hell are you? How's it going? I'm a little bit handicapped this week because my internet isn't working. I don't know why. I don't know what happened. I hit

the little reset button. You take out the little pin, and you stick it in the side. You do a little fucking five count, and you sit there staring at the goddamn lights. Blinky, blinky, blinky. And then what happens? It's supposed to all be good. Well, not this week. I don't have any. So if you think my reading is bad when I'm reading it off a nice giant computer screen, wait till you hear this week when I'm reading off my fucking iPhone. Oh, wait till you hear it. Spoiler viewers. All right, well, let's get down to it. How about that fucking Super Bowl? Was that awesome or what? I'm speaking as a Patriots fan, by the way. I gotta be honest, like if Peyton Manning won his second Super Bowl, and then he had two and Brady had three,

then that stupid ass debate is gonna start again, which I have not heard since Peyton lost. I should say the Colts lost when they played the Saints, and I didn't want to fucking hear it. All right. And I love it. So all you Peyton Manning fans for all these years who've been telling me that fucking Peyton's better than Brady. Look how many yards he had in fucking October. Um, you know, it was a classic, a classic Peyton Manning stat yesterday is despite the fact that they got the living shit kicked out of him. He still set the record for most completions in a Super Bowl game, right? He completed 33 passes, 33 passes. You gotta be like, Jesus Christ, what do you throw for 500 yards? 400 at least 33, you know, and he threw for 280 yards.

That's less than nine yards a catch. It was eight points something yards a catch, dinking and dunking down the damn field. And he got half those fucking yards in the, uh, the end of the third quarter when Seattle went to like a fucking prevent just gave them the middle of the field and gave them those six fucking points, which pissed me off. I wanted them to shut them out, right? It's embarrassing how much I root against Peyton because it's like, it has nothing to do with the guy. I think he's a great fucking quarterback. It was just what I really, I'm doing as I'm hating on Peyton is if I can be, uh, am I too white to use that expression as I dislike Peyton Manning is I am, um, um, uh, it's really just all the sports fans that I've run into over

the years who just with Peyton Manning, it was always individual stats and then blaming everybody around him, the coaching, the defense, the wedding game, all that fucking crap. Give me a goddamn break. Give me a fucking break. Did you see that look on his face about three quarters of the way through the first quarter in my family that is known as Peyton face? And that's when he starts pouting and he gets frustrated and he gets upset and you can't have your fucking leader looking like that. Now nobody on ESPN is going to say it. None of them are going to fucking say that shit because they fucking drop down at the stats God and suck its dick every day on fucking sports center. They don't watch the game. All right. None of those people on ESPN are even

human beings. They walk in as human beings, right? And then something happens. They drill into their head and they stick a chip in there and then they just become like these, you know, like, I don't think, I don't think like their lips should move. I think like their jaws should just open and close like one of those wooden puppets, you know, those ones that are dressed like those guards. They're in the nutcrackers. Right. That's what that's what they're going to rock. They should just be doing that shit. I can't even tell you, I had no idea how hard I was rooting for Seattle until the game fucking started because I thought, you know, as you guys all know, how much I hated that stupid

12th man. And like, you know, what'd have been a great drinking game was how many times Joe Bucks said, it's really loud here. Right. With the stupid sound of meter and all of that shit. And I actually got a lot of people on Twitter were giving me shit going, yeah, how dumb do you feel now? I never shit on Seattle. I never said they were a bad team. If you listen to my podcast, you dumb cunts. I said it was yours to lose. I bet on you guys to win it, but that doesn't change. And even your championship does not change that that 12th man thing and everybody dressing up like characters and bringing fucking new years whistles to the goddamn game is not the dumbest thing that I've embarrassing,

embarrassing, ball washing thing I've ever seen in my fucking life. The 12th man stinks. You have nothing to do with the victory. Despite what the players and the owners are going to say, they all make millions because of your dumb asses. That's why they're saying nice shit to you. All right. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you really think there's some running back in the other huddle as he's listening to the play gone? You know, I'd really like to execute this play the way we have all week in practice, but golly, golly is that crowd loud. But congratulations to the true fans of the Seattle Seahawks, the real ones, the real ones, the ones who showed up when they sucked to the ones who when they got better didn't go out and buy a bunch of

shit and start dressing up like fucking a green Ben Franklin or whatever the fuck those people were doing in the stands. I got to ask you be honest Seattle Seahawk fans now that you actually have something to crow about pun intended, you know, don't now that you actually have a Super Bowl trophy? You guys are actually champions. You can actually sing. We are the champions. Now, doesn't that loud thing seem a little fucking ridiculous? Didn't that just kind of seem like, you know, that mother that can't admit that our kids not talented. So they got to like somehow come up with everybody gets a trophy. Everybody gets a ribbon. You know, what you guys have created up there, I hope is over. Not as far as like your run on on championships.

I'd never wish that against you. But as far as that loud horseshit, if Kansas City next year tries to break the record again, if that whole fucking thing starts, like who is the loudest crowd? And I guarantee it will. I can't say again, I wouldn't surprise me if it would. It is embarrassing. You have your Super Bowl trophy for the love of fucking God. Please stop looking each other in the street going 12th man. Okay. Was that really even a congratulations? I was I was losing my fucking mind watching that game. I absolute lot of people, I guess, didn't like the game or whatever. I thought it was boring. I fucking loved that game. That game was the biggest fucking beatdown.

I'm trying to think if it was as bad. This is bad for like Bronco fans. I'm not rubbing this in. This really has to, this goes back to the Patriots Colts like 10 fucking years ago when Brady had three rings and Peyton had none and they were going, I tell you, but you know, I know Brady's got the rings, but if I got to start team, I got to build it around this guy. He's got all the intangibles, right? He's fucking losing every year in the first goddamn round. Anyways, but last I hope you got an awful people who didn't give a fuck about the game. I hope you you took my advice and you let the game go for 90 minutes. 90 minutes is the magic number. That is the magic number. If you want to avoid everything and actually watch the game and be

on the edge of your fucking seat, provided if it's a good game is you let it go for 90 minutes. 90 minutes, you're hanging outside, you're drinking beers, you're doing whatever the fuck you're doing, hanging with like three, four other people tops who are also into the game. All right, we come in, we sit down and we just start when everybody shut their phones off so we don't know anything, right? Press play and then for the rest of the game, we didn't watch one commercial. We didn't have to sit through one challenge flag. Anytime anybody got hurt, we fast forward through it. We fast forward through the entire fucking halftime show. Didn't see any of it. All we saw was the game and the second it ended and the coaches were walking out and they're

going, all right, we'll go down to the field. We shut the fucking game off. Didn't watch one second on ESPN. Nothing. I'm guaranteeing you, everybody there was going, that's like one of the most enjoyable Super Bowl experiences I ever had. It was fucking great. Anytime they cut down to Pam Oliver or that other chick, you just fast forward. The whole fucking, it was tremendous. Absolutely tremendous. But anyways, let's talk about the fucking game. So anyways, the rest of the world is 90 minutes ahead of us and we're still downstairs, you know, out my backyard, smoking a pork shoulder, right? I made one of my famous apple pies, lawheads fucking killing it on my grill. You want to talk about losing your man card? I had

another man come over my house and smoke a pork shoulder on my grill. I couldn't believe I woke up this morning. My wife was still next to me. Do you realize like in the south, like I would legally be considered a homosexual if I did something like that? I knew it. I fucking knew it ever since I'm telling you right now. I ain't no man who lacks himself a piece of pussy allows another man to come over and fucking smoke on his grill. Grilling, that's okay. Smoking, that's a whole other thing. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't be surprised if not only if he's one of them homeo type sexuals, if he's also one of them terrorists. He's probably building a dirty bomb shaped like a dick. That's all I'm saying.

Yeah, I just, you know, one of the keys to being successful in life is knowing what you suck at and then being able to find talent in that area and then delegating. That's what you do. But delegating, you have to be like, you got to be careful though. You can't delegate so much of your job that you're just sitting in your office twiddling your thumbs because then you're fucking useless. There's a fine line between putting a team together and then just sitting in a fucking room like a fucking goddamn mop. So I still made an apple pie. I put on an apron, took out some flour and some sugar. I don't give a fuck. I'm good at making desserts. All right. I don't know, it's embarrassing, but I like sweets. And my mom always made great pies. And when I moved out,

I missed them. So I learned how to make them fucking sue me. Oh, Jesus. I can't even look myself in the mirror after this fucking podcast. What do you want from me, people? I'm flying blind here. All right, I don't have the internet. I'm doing a podcast without the internet. This is like a pilot flying at night without his instrument panel. Am I in a spin? Am I level with the horizon? I don't know. Am I going up? Am I going down? God, I wish I had a beverage so I could actually look at it to try to figure out which way I'm going. Isn't that what you do? You just put like a glass of water on the, on the airplane's dashboard and then you just, you just use that as your fucking horizon. Come on, man. That's pretty ingenious for a comedian

who has zero hours up in the air. Anyway, so let's get back to the game. So the entire world is like 90 minutes ahead of us. And there's something cool about that, right? Like they all got on the spaceship and they went to a better planet and we all sat back like, yeah, go fuck yourself. We're toughening it out here, gnawing on cigars and shit pretending we know how to fight. Right. So we go upstairs and they finally like, you guys want to watch the game? Yeah, let's fucking watch it. All right. So we go upstairs. We put it on. I fast forward like, you know, get right to where right before the kicker is going to kick the ball and I hit pause. You guys ready? Everybody's like, yeah, we're

ready. Let's go. Boom. Fucking kicks the ball off. Right. Broncos get the ball and the very first play from scrimmage. All right, Peyton calls an audible the fucking Manny Ramirez, who I thought, you know, when you get kicked out of baseball, I didn't think that you could then just go play football. But once again, Jesus, what a fucking talent this man is. Manny being Manny hikes the ball over Peyton's fucking head into the goddamn end zone, whatever the guy falls on it, they get his safety. Very first play from scrimmage and I'm not going to lie to you. I literally put my hand over my mouth and I was stunned. Absolutely stunned. Because, you know, I'm not going to lie to you. I mean, you guys know what my prediction was last week.

I thought that game was going to be a classic. I knew the AFC was weaker. I definitely kind of felt that Seattle 49ers might have been the Super Bowl, but it's fucking Peyton Manning. And I knew Seattle had a great defense and all that. I just thought it was going to be back and forth through the first half. This is what I thought. And I thought it would maybe one team of the other was going to be up by like two, three points, maybe four at the half. And then in the second half, I thought that the Broncos defense was going to cave and that Marshawn Lynch was going to fucking run all over him. That obviously did not happen. I think the Broncos went in there. Obviously we're like, all right, we got to start, we got to start Marshawn

Lynch and they did. They did. And they were like, that Wilson guy is not playing well. If we're going to get beat by our offense, it's going to be with that guy's fucking up. And other than a couple overly excited throws, you know, where he overthrew that guy right out there in the flat, other than that, that kid fucking settled down and had the game of his life. I thought he made some great fucking throws, had no picks, no fumbles, no nothing. He did not hurt the team. All he did was move it forward. He played a great fucking game. Dude, it was total 100% fucking domination. I mean, think about that. They had two field goals. They had a safety. They had a touchdown, offensive touchdown. I think it was a run, right? Yeah,

Marshawn Lynch, that was a run. That's 20, what, two field goals at six. How fucking annoying is this me going through a whole game? That's 20 points. No, that isn't. Oh, here is the comedy. Me trying to add this up, right? Three and three is six plus seven is 13 plus two is 15. They had a kick special teams kickoff return. That was fucking 22. What else did they, I don't fucking remember. They had a pick six. That's 29 points. Then they scored another 14. I don't even fucking remember. And I'm telling you, I mean, I might be wrong, but they could have shut them out. They went into the prevent and at the end of the third quarter, which was fucking brilliant. Just give up the middle of the field, let them

burn out the rest of this fucking quarter and we're up. Even if they score a touchdown, we're still up by almost 30 points. There's no fucking way they're scoring 30 in the fourth quarter. It was over. I've never seen the starting quarterback get taken out of the game. Like, well, there's no sense risking you getting injured in a fucking Super Bowl. I'm trying to think, did they take Troy Aikman out that year when they won like 50 something to whatever against Buffalo or did they take Joe Montana out in that 55 to 10 game? I don't think Jim McMahon came out when they beat the shit out of the Patriots that 46 to 10 game. So this is what I'm doing during the game. This is how much of a psycho I am. Every time Seattle scored points, I stood up and I high

fived each person I was watching the game with every time I'd go Tom Brady, Tom Brady, Tom Brady, Tom Brady as I was going around the fucking room. I just look, I'm too dumb to follow politics. I'm not good at math. I don't understand science. So sports is all I have. So when I put on ESPN, it has been an absolute dream for me since 2010 to not listen to the who is better Peyton or Tom Brady. And if he won yesterday, I was going to have to fucking listen to that again. So this is completely just selfish, totally selfish, because I didn't give a fuck about Seattle either. And then there would have been nothing funnier than after all that screaming and yelling, if they didn't win it, the whole fucking thing. I mean, I didn't give a fuck.

It would have been hilarious. But the second the game started, like when Seattle started playing well, first I saw Peyton, right? And then there was the safety. And I was like, I was literally nervous at the beginning of the game going, Oh my God, is he going to just carve up this fucking unbelievable defense? And then this argument's going to start again. I'm making this whole Super Bowl about me. I realized this. This was all this is all I gave a shit about. And then, and then Seattle started doing well. And I started seeing, you know, Pete Carroll very surprisingly, I don't think I saw him went, whoa, the whole game. I don't think I saw him do that once. But I got it. And then I was looking at him like, ah, fucking Pete Carroll. I don't want to

see this guy win. Like I was just fucking, I was like this little gargoyle in the corner, just sitting there like, is there any way both teams could lose so I could be satisfied as a sports fan? I was just like one of the biggest cunts that ever watched a fucking game. And then I just realized that it was more, it was more about a, oh yeah. And not only that, Versey picked the Broncos and I picked Seattle. And that's back to back years where Paul Versey has been dead fucking wrong. And this is the thing about Paul. And this is why you should never, ever, and you can, you can call in the Versey effect if he has callers and you can tell him, I said this, don't ever, ever take gambling advice from that man. I'm not saying he's a good guy.

I'm not saying he's not a standup guy. I'm not saying he's got a great husband and father. Not saying he's not a great comedian. I'm just talking about the gambling part of Paul Versey's New Jersey brain via New York. All right. That fucking guy, he's never going to learn. He is, that guy loves offense. It's a cliche at this point to say defense wins championships. Paul just, he can't hear it. Paul's like that guy that's had fucking 19 beers and he's, and you're trying to go, give me your keys and he just will always think that he can drive. That's what he is. I hope he listens to this. When it comes to being a gambler, that fucking guy loves, he's flash. He likes to flash. He likes pinky rings, offense, throw the bomb.

That's his big thing. Air it out, scare the defense. He loves it. Waste of play. Just throw it 70 fucking yards. He is, he is a time square fucking kind of guy. He likes the lights. He loves the fucking offense. I, on the other hand, am a miserable middle-aged Andy Rooney cunt. So I, of course, love defense. I love a 10 to seven game. I love it. I love it when people sit there. It's so fucking boring. I absolutely love it. I love a pitcher's duel. I don't know why. I know why because I'm the kind of guy that will watch a Super Bowl and root for both teams to lose. So anyways, congratulations and all seriousness. Congratulations to the fans of Seattle. That's gotta be, it's great. Guys haven't fucking won a championship. When was it? Let's

see. 77 was the bullets. No, 77 was Portland. 78 was the bullets. 79, I believe, was the Super Sonics. The loudest fans. They are the loudest fans. Hey, Seattle Seahawks fans. Do you ever think if you cheered that loud for the Sonics, they wouldn't have left? It's just never going to get old teas in them. They don't give a fuck. They have a championship parade. So now they're actually talking because they're so young. I mean, dude, that was fucking. That was seriously, I know I'm still breaking their balls just because it's fun. That was seriously one of, I knew the AFCs weak, but I mean, they're only so weak. That was still Peyton Manning with one of the most prolific offenses in the history of the modern era.

Fuck the whole game because the game has changed so much. But like, um, Jesus Christ. I mean, that game was over over and like, even I who never, I always say it's never over. It's never over. It's never over. Even, I mean, it was just, it was fucking over. The fucking game was over. Joe Bartnick was sitting on my couch just laugh. He started laughing in the, uh, when the guy was ran the fucking ball back to start the second half because he's sitting there going like, what did he say? He said, Bill, he goes, I'm glad you have money on this game because if you didn't, I would be back outside drinking and I start laughing and then, you know, and as we're doing

that, we're fast forwarded through all the fucking, you know, um, halftime show. And as he's saying that I'm laughing, we hit pause, everybody, you know, bathroom break and then we hit play. They kicked the ball off and the dude starts running back and Bartnick has this high pitch laugh. I just say, I'm going, he runs the fucking thing back. Dude, it was an absolute beat. I have to think that everybody in Washington, the state of Washington has to have laryngitis. Like for fucking, especially if you watch the game and you didn't miss any commercials, you just watched it like, like a nerd and just sat there like a good little fucking TV viewer and you watched the whole halftime show. I mean, everybody in the state of Washington has to have laryngitis. I'm trying to

think the only disappointment you had was that you didn't shut them out. And even then it was just like that was, they did that on purpose. They just gave up the middle of the field. Jesus, Bill, how many fucking times are you going to, we got it. They gave up the middle of the field, you cunt. Oh, you know, who would have thought I'd be so fucking elated to see Pete Carroll win a championship. I just, he just, there was a couple of fucking things this week. I didn't hear it, but I guess on Bill Simmons podcast, he interviewed Larry Byrne and Larry Byrne, they asked him who he would want to play with the most in today's NBA. And he said, Kobe Bryant, Kobe Bryant, he just said, no, the guy plays hurt. He just fucking just went on and on about how awesome the

guy was. So I have to retire Trash and Kobe Bryant. It took Larry Byrne to let me know that I was wrong. But isn't that why you listened to the podcast? Doesn't it make you feel better about yourself? I know it's so funny, but I'm so fucking arrogant. I still don't think I'm wrong about that guy. I can't get past my blind hatred of the fucking, it's not even the Lakers, it's their fucking stupid ass fans. God, they're dumb. They're so dumb. You just, you just, there's like 8% of them even remotely under, could even explain a pick and roll. I got to tell you, if you're not from out here, you got to come down here and go to a Laker game and just sit amongst them just to see how fucking dumb they are. God, they're dumb.

I mean, I'm talking like not even summer school dumb. I'm just talking about fucking learn a trade, drive a truck dumb, right? And I know there's people out there learning a trade right now. And I know what you're thinking. What I just said was insulting. And I don't care that you think that because I know you're too dumb to figure out where I, where, where you can fucking find me doing standup, even though it's on my website. You're just too fucking stupid. I really shouldn't say shit like that because there's always one dumb fuck who takes me seriously. Do you remember last week when I was saying how Hawaii is not part of this country? Even though it is, I'm just saying it just nobody, nobody,

black or white looks right on that island. You have to be Hawaiian or Asian and you look fine, but we, the rest of us do not look right on that island. We just don't. And then the joke was when I fucking come here, you know, I lean up against the tree. I look like an American. Like you can't tell me that. And I said, I'm so sick of these native Americans complaining if I have to argue with one more Apache, it was completely ridiculous and over the top and everybody one fucking moron on Twitter. He said, Bill, the reason why you look normal in this country is because capital letters, you, you killed all the native Americans. It's just like, dude, arguing with the patches didn't give it away. There's always going to be that one fucking person that just has to

fucking take it seriously and ruin it for everybody else. All right. Am I done whining? What else did I do this week? Oh, um, what did I do this week? I thought I did something. Oh, you know what? I haven't drank. I haven't drank in seven days. It's been a week and I realize now that it is that basically I have to go once I go seven days and I go and I get past something like going to a Super Bowl party and I don't drink, then at that point I can go a year. Like now I could I could go a fucking it's that first week where I haven't drank in two days. I haven't drank in three days and I just think, well, if I drink, I can start over again. I can easily go four days and beat my streak. Once personally, once I get seven days in, now I

got a hit in the street going, you know, I got the hot bat here. I don't want to end the streak. I don't want to start over again at one. So I got through the Super Bowl and it was brutal trying to get through it. Um, oh man, we had such a fucking great time. And then in the end, right, because we were smoking this pork shoulder and the last time we had the temperature too high and by we, I mean, lawhead, um, this time we slash lawhead had it lower and it took a lot longer, which it was totally worth it. But we watched the game and like two, it took us two hours to watch the game just flew through the whole fucking thing. And then by the end of the game, the pork roast, uh, was ready and the pork shoulder, I should say, was ready. And we just sat there

and fucking chowed down laughing that we missed all of the bullshit. Um, and it was funny, Nia comes home and she's like, what'd you think of the game? We're like, yeah, we just finished it and blah, blah, blah. And then she starts talking about Bruno Mars and all that. We're like, yeah, we didn't see it. She's like, you didn't see it. Oh my God, it was unbelievable. It's just like, no, we didn't see it. So then she goes and we recorded the game. She goes and she rewinds it or fast forwards, whatever the fuck she had to do to get to it. I guess rewind, rewind. Yeah. Cause we watched it and I hit stop. Yeah. So she had to rewind back there and she goes to put it on in lawhead sitting in my living room and it comes on and there's this creepy fucking

singing of children and like, and they're like all their backlets. All you see is their silhouettes and they're singing like what the fucking Grinch music, whatever the fuck they were singing, sort of holy, sort of creepy that like that pedophile music. Oh, they're so innocent. Let's let them sing innocent, creepy fucking church music. Right. And I look over at lawhead and I go, hey, Jay, this is what we miss. And Jay was over in the corner and he just fucking look up and he just made this face. He just goes, but I got to tell you, um, I actually watched. I did and I then I watched it. Now that the game was over, I didn't give a fucking. I actually really like brutal Mars. I watched it and, uh, oh, what a halftime show that was. That was a tremendous show. Came

out with the DW green sparkle. Played a fucking drum solo. Oh, he was tremendous. What an entertainer. Did the James Browns dance? Chili peppers came out with their shirts off. I fucking called that. I called it. I called it on Conan. I did Conan this week. I said, Flea was going to catch a cold because he wasn't going to wear a shirt and he should be the only one complaining about the weather. Um, so anyway, so it was, it was fucking a absolutely phenomenal Super Bowl some, uh, Sunday and I did not have one fucking drop of alcohol and, uh, I feel great and I gotta be honest with you. Not drinking is, uh, it's really hard right around four o'clock in the afternoon until about two in the morning. Those 10 hours are hard. The other 14 are easy, you know, eight of

them I sleep, you know, and I just got to get through six hours. But those other 10, man, I got to tell you, those are fucking brutal, but I'm a nice little streak here. So I'm going to try to go until my Canadian tour and then once, you know, the Canadian tour starts, I mean, they got Cuban cigars up there. They got there. It's just going to be, uh, it's going to be cold. Who wants a heater? So whatever. So I'm going to, you know what's funny? As I overheard somebody who wasn't a doctor say that, um, that basically, uh, to cleanse your liver, it takes 42 days to cleanse your liver. So like an idiot, I just don't drink for 40 days, 42 days thinking I'm cleansing my liver as I'm putting in all these fucking, you know, I'll eat at McDonald's once,

or I'll fucking just be eating processed fucking food. I'm not cleansing my liver, but at least I got the alcohol out of there, right? I'll drink a little water with some lemon, you know, I do what I try to do, but you know, um, anyways, let's, uh, let's get to some advertising this week, everybody. All right, this, this next, um, advertising is going to be called, uh, Bill tries to read on his fucking cell phone here. All right. Let's, let's bring this up. All right. Live reads. Oh, Jesus. Will you look who's back? It's our old friends. Sherry's berries. Ah, Jesus. They came back. They were good sports. All right. Let's read this homo erotic slash homophobic copy. Let's see how it is this time. Sherry's berries, everybody. What's the worst Valentine's gift you have ever

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You know, remember when I was brought to this world? Um, you, you can't just do it. Wait, you just can't do it and you can't wait until the last minute. I'd rather blank than forget Valentine's Day. Hey, advertisers, I'm not doing the work for you. All right. Right out the copy. Talk about how much you like flowers. Oh, Jesus. I always skip through them as a kid. I'd rather, uh, see Peyton Manning win a Super Bowl than forget Valentine's Day. Or even if it's not for forget, it's always wait till the last minute and then be screwed. Listen, you guys know the deal. All right. This is one of the great gifts you can get for Valentine's Day. Why? Cause it's easy and it shuts her up. Get one dozen red roses with a free glass vase for 30

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One dozen red roses, including a free vase for 2999 or you can upgrade to the premium vase and chocolates for just 999 more, 40 bucks, 40 bucks. You make the call. You make the call from a sports bar where you're drinking with your buddies, ignoring her texts. Okay. That's how convenient this is. Go to proflowers.com, click on the blue microphone in the top right hand corner and type in burr. That's proflowers.com, click on the microphone and type in burr. Order now. This deal expires soon. All right. We got two more. We'll do those a little bit later. All right. Yeah. The people at nature's box weren't happy. Why weren't you happy? Because I said the obvious, just eat a fucking banana. All right. Let's get into the questions for this week.

How far are we? I'm feeling 40 minutes. Oh, 39, 19. The internal clock of a comedian. All right. Los Angeles water shortage. Hey there, Billy Waterwell. I heard Los Angeles is going through a drought. But what are people doing about it? Are people shutting off sprinklers? No, they're not. My friend says they still run the sidewalk sprinklers in his neighborhood every night, unless it rains for a few nights straight. How does this area come back from something like this? How does your doomsday bunker coming along? All right. Here we go. Yeah. Well, basically, people will run their sprinklers until the government says, hey, don't run them anymore. So we haven't gotten to that point in the drought where you can't run your sprinklers.

So that's why people are still running them. And it rained yesterday. So I think we're going to be all right. But I would ask you the same question. How is your doomsday bunker coming along? Personally, I don't have one. And I take great comfort in knowing that I can only die once. And just without water, I'll be dead within three days. So I've had an unbelievable life. I have no desire to survive the apocalypse. You know, just at the very basic level, the lack of toilet paper, toothbrush, and toothpaste, that alone, you know, watching my teeth turn brown, having to slowly yank them out. You know what I mean? The loss of electricity and listening to your stereo, that alone, it's

just, it's not worth living anymore. You're going to go back to fucking living in a clan, some goddamn cave or some shit. I guess the garages will be the new caves of the, I guess, of the millennium here. Do you know, oh, you know, after the, after the Super Bowl was over, we all sat around a dining room table. I told you, Neil hooked up the stereo because I was too stupid to figure it out. And we put on dark side of the moon, which I have not listened to wire to wire in years. I would arguably, that might be the greatest album of all time. I don't think anything can touch it. Can you know something? I hope that you got, can somebody out there tell me, and this is a vinyl question. I want to know on album, what is there a better album to put the

headphones on, lay in there in the dark and just listening to that album. And if you're young right now and your whole life has been digital downloads and all that, I highly urge that you get a stereo and you buy that album and put the fucking lights out and put the headphones on. You got it. You have to experience it. Like that's, that's, you know, we were actually, it was a bunch of old people there, you know, my age and a little bit younger and older or whatever. And we were talking about how fucking great the album was because nobody had heard it in a while. And someone there was just sitting there going like this. That's what you did. Like back in the day, like your parents would be like, where you going? I'm going upstairs to listen to music. Like you just, you just listened

to music. You weren't on a fucking treadmill doing night. You just, I don't, I mean, you did listen to the radio in the car or whatever, but it was different. You didn't have like your whole fucking playlist and Bluetooth and talking on the phone. It was, it really was, it was an activity like, Hey man, I got the new whatever record. You want to come over and listen to it and everyone would sit on the floor and do some drugs, man. And you'd put on the fucking album. I missed that. I never had that level. I never did the drug thing. But I don't know. That just made me think of Philip Seymour Hoffman, man. What a fucking tragedy that is, huh? Jesus Christ. You know, I actually saw him. I was dating this wonderful girl and I fucked it up, of course, because I'm

an idiot. And like the late 1990s and Philip Seymour Hoffman and John C Riley did a play called true West and they would switch parts every other show. And I went down with the, the woman I was dating at the time, she said, you got to go, we got to go see this. And I was just like, I don't want to go see some artsy play, right? I was too busy doing stand up and she's like, no, you got to fucking see this thing. And went down and got to see both of them, of course, were unbelievable. And just, it's just a fucking worst. It's the worst. If I've learned anything in this business as I've gained a respect for addiction. And just, I don't know, just how fucking powerful it is. You know, I actually, in a way, like with, like even like with, uh,

with like booze. Like I'm trying to think the last time, maybe like in November, I went longer than seven days, but even then I fucked up after 10 days. And I was talking to Jerome, man, we went over to DeRosa's house apartment the other night. Me, Keith Robinson, DeRosa, I'm naming a lot of names here. I usually don't do this shit, but we got into this fucking debate. I don't want to do this because you guys are going to blow up Joe's fucking Twitter. And he gets all fucking sensitive about that shit. But we, uh, me and Joe are going to be doing uninformed again. We have to have the debate. It was basically it centered around a certain artist, a certain artist and his, uh, unbelievable young wife and whether or not this person was a creep

or not. And oh, did it get heated. Joe actually got so mad, you know, like when you get so mad, you're standing up and you imitate the other person in the argument while you're doing a dumb dance. Like, I know what you're going to say. Oh, what a bum. He started doing this dance and everyone started laughing at him. It was fucking, I mean, it started at 1am. I finally had to leave. I was like, I have a dog. I got to go home. Okay. I got to take my dog out. I think I left a little bit after too. And I guess it kept going. Um, you know, of course the next day we fucking laughed about it, but, uh, God damn it. Another fucking great guy. When was the last time? Well, I guess sometimes somebody who stinks overdoses. That's, you don't, you don't want to fucking wish that on

anybody, but, uh, everybody's talking about Philip Seymour Hoffman's amazing movies to talk about how great he is. How about how awesome he was in Twister? That guy was such a great actor. He was even, he was even great in Twister. I remember the first time I saw him was Incentive of a Woman. And all I remember was like, who is that actor? When he was sitting at that table and they had the council there for the school. I can't, I can never remember what the fucking movies are about. And it was all the shit that he was doing when he wasn't speaking. Um, oh, like in Boogie Nights when, how subtly they let you on that his character was gay when he was holding on to that clipboard and he was biting on that pen, the total phallic fucking,

you know, he came up with that shit. Then I also loved the way he was standing in one of those scenes. He had like his right arm was down and then his left arm was across his body grabbing onto like his right elbow or vice versa, which I remember was like how many kids who were really insecure used to stand like, you know, I mean, you're a kid, you'd size kids up. And I remember whenever I saw a kid standing like that, I'd be like, all right, I don't have to worry about that kid trying to fucking kick the shit out of me. Anybody who stands like that is the guard. I didn't know that it meant guarded. I just thought it meant like you were a pussy or something like that. But I never saw an actor make a choice. Even though I've seen a zillion human beings do that,

I saw him do that in like Boogie Nights. Oh, how great he was in Big Lebowski, just everything. I've never even seen Capote. I'm embarrassed to say that, but it just sucks, man. He was one of my favorites and fucking blows. All right, that isn't, that isn't funny, right? This isn't what this is about. This podcast, this podcast is supposed to be making you laugh. Get you a great start to your day. All right, let's, let's continue on here. So in answer to your question, sir, I have no plans for, for the doomsday. I'm going to get a bat. That's what I'm going to do. I'd get a gun, but you know, I'm going to shoot it without earplugs. My ears already ring from playing drums and I, you know, then what? Then I win the battle and then my ears ring even more.

And I'm walking around with tinnitus and there's no fucking hope for a cure. Forget tinnitus. I'm just praying for toothpaste. I mean, fuck that. I don't want to live. All right, Sochi. Is that how you say it? No, Sochi. Billy SSR, have you heard how much the Olympics have cost so far? Five billion. That's more than the last 12 Olympics combined. What do you think all the extra money is going? Oh, where do you think all the extra money is going? Do you have any Olympic predictions? What I think all the extra money, well, they got to make all that snow and that extra snow in case it doesn't snow. I mean, just to cover a mountain in snow when it hasn't snowed. I mean, I figure that's got to cost at least two billion, right? And you know, I know

it doesn't. I don't fucking know. What do I think I win? I think it's an unbelievably corrupt country even more than the one that I live in. So I imagine all the scams that go on here go on over there because they're human beings just like us. And I think it's probably even fucking 10 times worse over there because of where their jump off point was. We at least had a nice phony jump off point in this country that all men are equal. And everybody has the freedom to speak of speech and everybody has the right to protest and no taxation without representation. We had a great fuck. We had a way better lie than they had in Russia. You know, Russia's was just, Hey, everybody gets the same amount of meatloaf, man. Right? At least from day one, we knew that there was going to be

people gorging off high on the hog and the rest of us were getting pig feet. We knew that shit. But as long as someone else was just getting the tail, we were happy in the middle class. And that worked for a long fucking time. And now it's over up to how about like these fucking how about how about these fucking three major bankers have killed themselves in the last week? And if we can get past, well, bad things happen in trees. Um, that scares the shit out of me. I'm not going to lie to you. Those guys were probably all making seven to eight figures, I would think, and they fucking off themselves. And there's no sign that a woman was involved that broke their hearts or, you know, I just that that is scary. Were they

going to go rogue and say what was really going on? Are they just looking at that Ponzi scheme and just thinking like, yeah, there's just, there's no way to fix it. The wolves are at the door. I'm going to be the Oswald. I'm going to be the fall guy. So they fucking came at just insane. What are the odds? What are the odds of that? When was the last time like three major oil people all killed themselves within the same week? For the love of God, can I get some conspiracy theory on this one? I would love to hear your theories. I'd love to hear, you know, because that's the kind of guy I am. Um, all right, where are we? Let's get on to the next thing here.

Long distance hiking follow up. All right, here we go. Hey, Bill, a few weeks ago, you asked for advice on how to deal with animals and the wilderness. Most people that get mauled either left food in there. Oh yeah, that's why I have this massive fear about going into the woods and accidentally stumbling upon a mama bear with their cubs or a mountain line. I'm always on a trail and to the left or the right of me is a higher like, like cliff and the thing is just sitting there. You know, you know, when they sit there and they put their head down and their fucking shoulder and back muscles go like fucking, like if they were in a muscle competition, like that would be like the Schwarzenegger stance, they put their head down.

You know what I'm saying? Just waiting the pounce on me. Um, this is what the person says. Most people get mauled either, uh, most people that get mauled either left food in their tent or tried to pose for a picture with the animal or did some other dumb shit you would never do. But yes, on very rare occasions, an animal will attack somebody who did nothing wrong. Here is my advice. If that happens, first of all, you did do something wrong. You ventured out into the wilderness. You left the tribe. You put yourself at risk. All right. I mean, I guess if you're in your backyard and there's a bear there, but if there's a bear in your backyard, you, that's urban sprawl that went, he's not in your backyard. You're in his front yard.

There's no fucking reason a bear should be outside your house. You need to move back down towards the village. You're right there. Anti-social. Get a hobby. Say hello to somebody. You know, have a couple of drinks, get some alcohol courage in you, and go walk up to the pretty girl and say hello. Okay. Stop trying to live with the fucking owls. All right, bears. Uh, if you're attacked by a bear, you should leave your backpack on to protect your back and use your hands to cover your neck. What about your face? Usually the bear will leave after a while, but if it starts to chew on you, that's when you need to fight back. Oh really? What, what should I go with? Should I set up the, you know, the overhand right with a

couple of jabs? Or should I try to kick him in his bear balls? What if it's a woman? What do I do? Do I try to stick my toe in its vag? It's bear vag. It's badge. Um, mountain lions. With mountain lions, playing dead will not work. You need to fight back right away. Your best chance is to aim for the nose and eyes. Dude, this is fucking hilarious. I mean, I, I think I would have a, this is, none of this shit work wouldn't work against Mike Tyson. Forget about a fucking bear or a mountain lion. Wolves. Playing dead won't work in a wolf attack either. You can either climb a tree, put it in a headlock or shove your fist down its throat. I'm not joking. Look it up. You know what I always thought you could do? I don't know about a wolf. I always thought against,

this was my, you know, when I'm laying in bed and I'm thinking about getting attacked by a fucking, you know, some rabid dog or whatever. If somebody was sick, that dog on me, when I'm laying in bed, totally relaxed and have my wits about me and I don't have urine running down my leg as I run towards my Prius like I wouldn't real life. My plan of attack was when the fucking dog is coming at you, you stick your forearm out and you just feed it to him. You just jam it right into his fucking mouth and right as it climbs down and it has you, you then take your other fucking forearm and you come up over the top, smash down on the top of the thing's neck as you push your forearm up and you break its neck. You go bam, which is the sound of a broken neck. Sorry. I don't

want to make the snap noise. I don't have a twig in here. That was my game plan. Either that or just stick your arm in there and you just, you just fucking start stepping on the dog's feet. Cause dogs are kind of pussies, man. They'll go after you, but the second you fucking do something back to you, do you know what it is? They don't have any shame. They don't mind going and then getting hit and then going, they don't give a shit. It's not like other dogs are going, they can literally do that and then go on the other side of the block and get laid. There's like no, and they don't even remember what just happened unless there's still pain in their little dog paw. So, um, I don't fucking know. I don't even know what I'm talking about here. These, these

are all like, these are all creepy fucking questions. I always felt if I was on a boat and I saw an alligator swimming towards one of my friends and it went by the boat or a shark, I would just try to time it where I jumped down and I just fucking land right on its head and I just figured that that alone would so freak it out. They would leave or, you know, the shark or alligators would be, uh, would be feasting on two people. That's how I would be worried about after the shock, after the shock, you know, when the sharks like, what the fuck, you motherfucker, when it's coming back, that's what I think. Like sharks, I think just leave alligators. They just seem fucking relentless to me. Um, all right, killer bees. Here we go. With killer bees,

Africanized honey bees, you're supposed to run away for at least half a mile. Now this I know, do not flail your arms and do not kill one. They will swarm you if you kill one. But honestly, they, they look just like normal bees to me. So I don't know how to tell when you're in danger. Oh my God, run for a half a mile, for fucking half a mile. What's the fastest, fastest mile I ever ran was like a 618, like freshman year in high school when I weighed about 140 something pounds and now a buck 75. So I think I could run maybe a seven minute. Even with the fear, just the pain is going to offset the adrenaline. That's going to be a long 15 minutes, people. Oh God, can you imagine me? A balding, stung up fucking swollen redhead.

Just coming over the hill. Jesus Christ. What a sight. All right, spiders kill almost nobody. Most can be very dangerous if you catch them at the wrong time. Some snake bites obviously require immediate medical care, but I would be more afraid of lightning if I were you. So yes, it can get gruesome, but these attacks are very rare. Absolutely. I mean, I know shark attacks are very rare, but it's just like, I would love to try surfing, but just, you know, just the fact that, you know, you're going to stand that surfing is a sport where you're risking getting eaten alive. I mean, it's just fucking, I mean, it's just not worth it. God damn it. It looks like fun though, doesn't it?

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more money in 2014. Go to evoice.com and enter bill at the checkout for your 60 day free trial. That's evoice.com promo code bill. See, then I talked a little bit of shit and then I fucked up a lot on the last one, but still much better than the, than the past there. All right, let's continue on here. All right, basic travel advice. Good morning to our fearless leader, Sir Billiard of Bald. I am 24, I'm a 24 year old and me and the wife are taking a trip to Chicago. Wanted some advice on a couple of things. Neither of us has ever planned, has ever been on a plane before. You are a frequent flyer, so I wanted to know exactly what we can expect at the airport, when to be there, what clothes to prepare to take off, at what time, problems we will mostly, most likely run into,

et cetera. Jesus Christ, dude. All right, well, go ahead and pack and then take a third of that stuff and throw it over your fucking shoulder, cause you're never going to wear it. Depending on how long you're leaving, if it's just a weekend, I would go with the carry on. If it isn't, I would check everything. Walk onto the plane with a couple of magazines and order a drink and watch and just enjoy watching everybody else fighting, you know, for that overhead space. Fuck them. That would be my advice and also just know that your wife is going to bring half the fucking house and it's not worth telling her that she's not going to need it. All right. The only thing worse than having to pay for extra bags is watching her cry that there's nothing to wear and then having to go

downstairs to the fucking lobby mall there and pay 10 times the price to get her a fucking dress. All right, number two, best places to eat there. Best burgers, slice of pizza, personal favorite, I would like to add that I am milk white and redheaded like you. So a place that is not in the stabby, stabby, muggy, muggy part of town would be preferred. Really wanting some advice from an experienced vet. Thanks and go fuck yourself. I don't know where the best place is already in Chicago. Like I visit there and I just eat at the closest place and then I go and do my show. According to Jim Croci, the South side of Chicago is the baddest part of town. But if you go down there, you better best beware of a man named Leroy Brown.

And I believe he has a custom continental and he has a Cadillac too. He got a 32 gun and his pocket full of fun. He got a razor and he's you right on and he's bad, bad. I don't know where to fucking eat there. All I know is that what you should do, you can find all of that out on a website, one of those foodie fucking websites. They'll tell you where to go. So but those foodie things can be wrong. A lot of the times what you want to do is ask a local, whatever you stay, just find somebody who has a heavy Chicago accent and just say, listen, I'm a tourist. I don't want to go to the touristy place. Where do you go to get whatever the fuck you're looking for? You want a pizza? You want a burger? And that guy will tell you. All right. That's the way to do it. Okay,

here we go. All right. Oh, by the way, you know, I forgot to mention when I saw that drum clinic, the common thread one, there was a musician there drew of a band called drew of the drew. If you like not mainstream music, and you'd like to see somebody who's really trying to do something different, check that guy out. I was I was very, very impressed. It made me feel old. Like they would they were drawn from shit that like, to me, I already considered like new music. Like all that DJ dubstep shit, like to me is like came out in the last six months, even though it's probably been around for fucking 20 years. Anyways, drew of the drew, check it out. Anyways, Gino phobia, maybe I'll put up, I'll put up a link actually. Hey, Billy

Bo Baggins. Is it gyno phobia? You afraid of the gynecologist? I don't fucking know. I am a 20 year old college guy who has, was it gyno phobia? The fear of women. I've never heard of this. He said, when I was a kid, I used to get the shit kicked out of me. And girls would always spread rumors about me. And it would really screw with my mind. Wait a minute, you didn't get along with men or women? Well, what were you doing? You know what? That's the last thing you needed to hear. Well, what's wrong with you? I'm sorry. Forgive me. I'm not a trained professional. So, you know, you're asking them more on, and you know, I'm going to behave accordingly. Here we go. As I grew up, I started to resent and hate all the people around me. That my mother tells me about false

rape accusations. And that makes, oh, and that makes females look even more scarier than they already were. See, guys just kick the shit out of you. Females psychologically fuck you up bad, and don't even have a tint of remorse or empathy. Jesus Christ. All right, dude. So your mother's a psycho. She put all these fears on you. Yeah, you got to, maybe I would seek some professional help before you turn into Norman Bates. All right, let's continue this. Then I hear about all the women raping men in the divorce courts and in general adding more fuel to the fear. Dude, you're overthinking this shit. I mean, you probably heard half of that from me, but I'm an idiot. Don't listen to me. He says, it's gotten to the point where when a female introduces herself to me, I just see her

as a potential mind raping and prolonged exercise of getting verbally abused. So I just always say, sorry, but I have somewhere to be right now. Goodbye. And I walk away. Sir, can I steal that from you? I want to use that next time I get pulled over. Got a license. Sorry, but I have somewhere to be right now. Goodbye. And you just act like the rain man and they'll fucking leave you alone. That's actually brilliant. He said they scare me so much, but I'm still attracted to them. Oh my god, dude. Listen, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta get past this. Hopefully you're still young and this is early on, but this is something where you are, you know, everybody is trying to go towards the,

we'll just call it whatever planet live happily ever after. But if you're off by just one degree, you're not really going to notice when you're 22, 24, you know, but by the time you're 40, you're going to be about a million miles off course. So let's try to get you some help. I would go see a therapist, sir. And I know I've been joking around, but I kind of have to do that because this is a podcast, but actually because it's a podcast that's supposed to be funny. Not saying you can't have a serious podcast. Yeah, I would go get some help quickly and I would get rid of all those fears and I would say a lot of the fears are probably put into your head by your mom when you're really young and you need to try to get those out of there before they take

any more root than they already do, already have. Well, let's finish here. He said, my mind says, stay the fuck away while my dick says, do it, do it, fuck it, do it. But in this climate of unrestrained female hypoagency, I don't know what the fuck that means, this shit that makes women invade male spaces and makes them change everything to suit them. Dude, dude, you're taking your fucking fear of women. You're blowing by me. Listen, are you a great guy? If you're a great guy, there's a great woman out there for you and it's a beautiful thing. They're not all like this. What you're doing is you're taking the worst of the worst of females and you're preining it with the broad brush. All right. Jesus Christ, I'm relating to this guy here. He said, I'd rather stay celibate for life.

All right. No, I don't relate to that. I am a loner to a vast degree, but I got a loving family to back me up. So I ain't on the fringe or anything. I plan on just working towards my career. And did I write this like 20 years ago? Jesus Christ, plan on just working towards my career and education. But either way, I'll have to deal with women. And it's been hard to do since lately, do so lately, since my social skills tanked over the last nine months. Trauma conga line of horrific events happened and I am working on getting the confidence back through Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I already lost 11 pounds and I'm starting to feel a lot better. All right. Well, just don't go choke out any women. All right. Try to put them in the triangle. He said, anyways, is there any way, but martial arts

are a great way to build self-esteem from what I've heard. Anyways, is there any way to get rid of the insane fear I have about women or is it just 15 years of hurt that'll take almost forever to undo? Thanks and go fuck yourself six ways from Sunday and good luck with your stand up. All right. Oh, so you're only 15. Is that what you're saying? All right, dude. First of all, it's great. You took up Brazilian jiu-jitsu. You should know how to defend yourself and don't be a cunt about it when you become a black belt. Use it to save nerds and protect yourself, but never be a bully. And then as far as women, I would actually try and talk to somebody about this and I would try to have more of an open mind because right now, if you're only 15 years old

or even if you're young in your early twenties, mid twenties, you're basically, you got the lottery pick as far as women goes. All right. They're all available. All first round draft picks, bunch of first round draft picks just sitting there. And you know, depending on when you open your mouth and start talking to one is when you pick in the draft. If you know what I mean sooner rather than later, but I would just talk to somebody about, um, about, about some of your issues. Maybe it's school. They got some free fucking therapy or something like that. If you're too young to pay for it, but, um, I don't know. I would talk to somebody, I would talk to some of your guy friends about it. I would, you know what I would do? I would openly talk about your fear of women

to, um, to friends, you know, and I would, I would sit down with your mother and just say, listen, I have major issues with women right now. And I think some of it stems from a lot of the negative things that you've said about them. And I need you to stop doing that because it's, it's fucking with me. Don't, don't say that part, but say it in a nicer way. Um, but if she's, you know, I don't know, that's the hardest fucking thing is because you are born into the religion of your parents, you know, and into all of their beliefs and hopefully they have more good than bad, but they're humans. So they're going to be wrong. And, you know, when you're a little toddler all the way through like seven, eight years old, your parents are godlike. You just think they know

everything and they have all the answers. They never look unsure. You do everything that they fucking say. So a lot of that stuff just really takes deep root. Like it's, it's law in your head. And then in your teenage years, you start breaking away. You realize some of his bullshit and let's when some anger can come out and that type of stuff. So I would say what you're going through is normal. It's just that you maybe had an extreme, uh, helping of some fucking anti-woman shit, which I can relate to because I did too. And I had to fight through that shit. I mean, it took me, I didn't get married until I was 45. I had major fucking issues, but, uh, it's like anything. Look at just use the martial arts thing as a, uh, metaphor or a simile, whatever the

fuck you're supposed to, whatever the right terminology is. Look, you did that. You stuck with that. You lost 11 pounds. You work towards that. Look at, look at what you're, you're getting. You're getting positive results and it hasn't been easy, right? But you keep showing up, you get positive results. I would do the same thing with your women issues. I would just start working on it. Um, you know, next time a woman comes up and says, hello, don't say I have somewhere to go. Just say hello back and stay in the conversation for as long as you can. And when you feel like bailing, just say, listen, I'm really shy around women and it's something that I'm trying to work on. Just put it out there. And you know what? I guarantee 80% of them are going to say,

you know, when they do that, they're going to love it. And next thing you know, you're out there watching a romantic comedy with some lady having a good time, but I would, I would address it sooner than later. I'm telling you, dude, it's, you literally, it's, you think it's a mountain? It's, it's a fucking, it's stepping up under the curb. It's all in your head. And that's totally normal because I would guess that your fears started when you were in your, my mom's godlike phase of your life. So you think, you think it's, uh, what's that fucking mountain everybody everest that everybody tries to climb up? It isn't, it isn't. Okay. It's a little fucking anthill and, uh, and you can do it. All right. I believe in you. Good luck, sir. There you go. Well,

that's the podcast for this week. Um, congratulations to the, um, to the Seattle Seahawks. All right. You finally won. You fucking won the Superbowl and now I can't give you any more shit. Actually, I still will just stop doing that loudest crowd ever. Right. You got the fucking trophy. You've been there now. Act like you've been there before. Do not disappoint me next year. You know, it's, you know, it's coming next year. You know, it is. There's going to be so many people dressed up like characters. You're going to make the Raider fans. I don't even know what the expression is. I don't know what happened. Jesus Christ, whatever happened to that Raider fan base, that crushes me every time they pan to the end zone. Everybody's out there. Somebody dressed

like Fred Flintstone. It's like, what are you doing? Um, all right, that's the podcast. Oh, by the way, and I forgot to, I've been watching, actually, I watched a bunch of hockey this week because of, uh, you know, I didn't watch any of the Superbowl hype, but Geo Jesus with that Bruins performance against the Canadians. Jesus Christ. How do you not get up for a game against the Canadians? I know the Canadians have a good team, but Jesus Christ, we look fucking horrific. Um, but it's good though. It's all good. Canadians have a good team. So hopefully we'll meet each other in the playoffs, playoffs, and we'll have another classic. That's what I'm open for. So, uh, all right, that's it. I'm at, where the hell am I this week? I'm going to be in a casino

in, uh, outside of Minneapolis. It's already sold out. So thank you to everybody in Davenport and every other goddamn city out there in Minnesota. And I can't wait to get out there. Hopefully it doesn't fucking snow.