Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-23-23

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

Bill rambles about showbiz, the guy in the tower, and spousal murder.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. All right. And hey, fuck your week. How's your day going? Huh? Did you wake up this morning, have a conference call and get kicked right your fucking red nuts? Like I did. Oh, there's no business like show business like no business I know. Take that idea and go fuck yourself. Ah, whatever. It's just it's just it's a theme. It's I've always had to do it. I always get to go fuck yourself. And then I take the go fuck yourself. I put it on my back and then I walk it up the hill myself. And then you get up there

and everybody's like, you know, I knew that go fuck yourself was gonna fucking this that and the other and you got to sit there going, Oh yeah, I know you did. You were in my corner. Anyway, anyway, that who gives a shit? I had a great fucking week. I went to I flew my helicopter and there was a couple of airports that I was telling you like I got a I got a solo into these things. And I got to get the monkey off my back here. What the fuck is this? Right? So of course, the time I have free time, I go over there. It's windy as shit, right? Windy as shit if you fly, you know, a light helicopter like I do. So it was like 30 knots out. And I was just like, I don't give a fuck. I have a fully

articulated main rotor. If if is any sort of problem, I can always just set it down. I can slow down. I can just turn around and go back to the airport who gives a shit, right? Visibilities, you know, would have 10 statute miles. Who gives a fuck? So of course, the second I get up there, visibility goes down. And, you know, it's bumpy or whatever. And I was just like, Yeah, but it's fine. You know, I can see this far. I can see over there is an airport right there. I'm all right. All right, this isn't insane. And I couldn't figure it out. It was like windy and the visibility sucked. Because usually, if it's windy, the visibility is clear. Because it's blowing all the all the all the shit out of there, right?

When there's no wind, you have poor visibility. So that that's that's one of the funny things about aviation. If you want a nice smooth ride, you know, your visibility is going to If you want to like go up there, and the whole world looks looks like a fucking What do you call it? One of those? What are those little postcard? You know, like that fucking three days out of the year, where you can see the downtown LA buildings and behind it, you see a snow cap mountain, right? Those days are the days you want to go fly, but it's bumpy as shit. So I was flying and I flew over to the five and I went took it south. And I wanted to I was trying to go to

this airport called Corona, which is a an uncontrolled airport, meaning there's no tower. You just talk to the traffic in the pattern. If nobody talks to you because you're trying to figure out which, you know, which way the wind's blowing, traffic advisory, whatever. Of course, nobody's in the pattern or whatever. But the first thing is I had to fly by Fullerton airport. And what's funny is Fullerton, I swear to God, I don't think I've ever gotten on the on the radio with them. And they either didn't yell at me or they were in the process of yelling at somebody else. Fullerton is like your dad in the 70s, you know, he's never happy. So

I, uh, I get on with them a month to 605 and the five and there's this big like radio tower thing there. That's kind of hard to see. But you know, I've looked at my map, I see, you know, how high it is and I see my minimum safe altitude. So even if I don't see it, I'm going to be over it by like, you know, 500 feet or whatever. So I'm waiting to make my radio call because there's a bunch of people in the pattern talking. And the tower says to somebody, all right, you know, what did he say? He said, you're number three after that bonanza or whatever. And the eye goes confirmed. He goes, we have that traffic in sight, right? The fucking guy in the tower goes basically yells at him saying, you're looking at the wrong plane.

All right, that's, he was looking at the first plane. He thought it was plane number two. So he was getting in line to fucking land and there would be another plane right on his fucking ass, right? So the guy yells at him and he goes, that's the wrong plane. You should never make your turn until you confirm. Blah, blah, blah, blah. He goes, that's a cardinal error. The pilot tried to defend himself. I think that that's when the fake guy came back and said that it was a car. I mean, the fucking visibility was horrible, right? So, you know, the tower was right or whatever. So then I'm getting on. It's just like, yeah, hey, how are you? I just want to transition. So they told me it was cool. Keep it at 1600 or above.

And I was like, fine. And I ended up getting, you know, I was waiting for them. And then when you go along the 91, when you, when you transition past Fullerton airport, when you go along the 91, you almost have to be like right over the highway because there's that permanent temporary TFR over Disneyland. And it almost, it just touches the highway at this one point. So I got past that and then Fullerton goes, you know, resume on navigation and the whatever. I could fly whatever altitude I wanted to. And then I got the frequency change and then I was out of the airspace. So I was like, hi, fine. So now I'm going over to Corona. Visibility is getting worse a little bit. But I just keep looking around and I see all these pockets where it's not too bad where I would be

fine. I said, well, I can go, I can fly over there. I could set it down here or whatever, right? So I'm going to Corona and then all of a sudden it just gets really bumpy and I'm really getting like tossed around and shit. But I was just like, all right, I was just looking at the hills I was flying through, created like a Venturi. So the air was really flowing through there. I was like, I just need to be a little higher, a little lower or whatever. I don't know what. And just slow down. I got through that. I go over to Corona. I get on the phone, the phone, I get on the radio. Nobody's talking, but with my avionics, I could see which way the wind's going. So I just joined the downwind. I land, I do it, everything's fine.

And now I'm going to fly up to Ontario. I hope this isn't boring you guys, but this was like a big deal for me. I go up to Ontario and I'm thinking I'm either going to be in Chino or Riverside's airspace or possibly both. So I'm following the highway up there, the 15 and lo and behold, if you just follow the 15, you're not near the airport's airspace, which was great because it gave me plenty of time to listen to the ATIS, which is the information, the current information of Ontario. Now, Ontario is like jet blue, American Southwest, like real fucking shit. And then I'm coming over there on my little fucking egg beater. So I listen to the ATIS, I get the information and I'm like, okay, here we go. And it ended up being like, and also when

I flew up north, it got really clear. It was just sorted down along like the water and stuff. And there was like a storm coming in. And it wasn't as bumpy, but then also up near the San Gabriel Mountains that the visibility up there was really poor. Like I couldn't even see the fucking mountains from where I was. So I had built this up for years. I would just never go over there. I would land it bracket because it was a little, you know, Delta airport. And it's just like pretty much just you know, weekend warrior jerk offs like me landing there, right? This is like a big deal. And essentially, without getting into the aviation conversation, all I just said to them was like, Hey, is it okay if I do a low approach and straight out departure? And they were like,

yeah, fine. And then I said, okay, and then I did it. And I was just like, why did I make such a big fucking deal about that? It gave me a lot of confidence. But of course, as I'm coming in, I hear them talking to this Southwest flight. And they're saying that, you know, that they were going to take off first. So they go confirm that you have that traffic in sight. And you know, the visibility was bad. So I'm sitting there going, I think that's it. Right. And I was like, you know, just, you know, looking for traffic, whatever. I knew the guy was on the fucking grounds. It wasn't like a problem. And then I get, you know, just needed to fly left for another like 15 seconds. So I could totally confirm that, you know,

that is the airplane, right? So I see it and they go, okay, after it takes off, you know, just caution, wake turbulence, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just set it down on the numbers is what I did. Because I just figured like, all right, because I was getting nervous about that wake turbulence shit. I know like when I'm landing behind a big plane like that, all you do is you just see where they land on the runway and you just land beyond that and you'll be fine. And this thing was like taken off. So it was just like, all right, I'll land is far to this side as a runway. I will touch down because by the time I was even coming in that the fucking guy had already taken off and was gone, I probably could have landed anywhere and I would have been fine,

but it was already like a windy day. So long story short, I was able to do that. And then I flew back to where I keep my helicopter. And I felt like a million bucks for like two days. And it was funny, I'm coming home, I was telling the lovely me about it. And she's just going, uh-huh, uh-huh. All right. I'm like, no, this is like a big deal. I mean, I was like landing right afterwards, you know, Southwest jet took off. She's like, uh, okay. Could give a fuck. Hey guys, I'm gonna, uh, hey guys, did I just say that like we're all of us? I'm gonna come with the slumber party energy. You know, my kid's got a fucking thing on the, on the, uh, what do you call it? The shelf here. It's up like the solar system.

And I saw this thing the other day on Instagram or YouTube, but one of those dumb ass places that I fucking hang out on on the internet, they were, it said, what people think the solar system looks like, what it actually looks like. And it's like, first of all, I resent the fact that you're fucking thinking that, you know what I think the solar system looks like. I have no fucking idea what the solar system looks like. All right. But I did think that the sun was just sort of sitting there and everything was going around it. And this thing had it looking like the sun was just hurling through space, you know, going a good, you know, like when someone's driving too fast in a parking lot and you got your kid and you do that hat, that you do that dad thing like,

you know, and it's always some young kid with some stupid ass fucking hat on or whatever the fuck it is they're doing, you know, or one of these cologne guys, you know, there's, there's, I don't know what it is about my neighborhood, but there's just a lot of guys with beards and cologne acting like that is just completely acceptable. It's very like 1983, you know, it isn't the the 60s long hair, it isn't the 70s, let it be sort of fucking Frank Pancho Rello haircut. It's that fucking the in between there that and the before the flat top came back in the 80s. Anyway, I had no fucking idea that the sun is moving. I mean, why wouldn't it be it's fucking in space, right? It's not like it's tethered to anything.

I just, I just don't fucking understand how the, how did somebody figure out that it was moving? Is it move? I mean, that's what I, you know, it's funny is the fucking, there was no explanation on the video. It was just a video. It was like, and it just said what people think the solar system looks like, what it really looks like. And there was just no explanation. It was like, all right. Well, it wasn't moving in the first one, the sun wasn't. And then the second one, the sun was moving. So I don't know. Here's a question for you. I think this is an easy, easy one. Would you rather float off into space like George Clooney? Or would you like rather die alone in the ocean? No sharks. You're not going to get eaten by a

shark. You're just going to be fucking floating out there. You fell off some circus circus fucking cruise or some shit, you know, or your spouse just took out a life insurance policy on you. I remember seeing that some guy did that to his wife on his fucking honeymoon. I mean, Jesus Christ, can we get some fucking information out there on how to break up with somebody? Or that guy who fucking, you know, took his wife's regulator off while they were scuba diving and drowned her? I mean, I got to be honest with you. Like, my wife can be annoying. But what the fuck? If I got to be honest with you, if you're listening to this podcast and

you're thinking about killing the person that you're with, male or female, just get out of the relationship. Even if getting out of it means you're not going to get the life insurance. Who gives a fuck? You're not getting it anyway. You're going to get caught and you're going to go to jail. I cannot fucking believe the amount of people out there who don't commit crime. And then the first crime that they're going to try to get away with is they try to murder somebody. The one that everybody's going to give a fuck about. Oh, you're going to jail. You're going to fucking jail. That is really, I will tell you though, like the amount of people out there that are capable of that,

at least that's how that show makes you feel. Whatever it is. First 48, the guy with the fucking horse head, that guy with the white hair. I mean, he literally looks like a retired vampire. He's the only way to describe the guy. He's a fucking ghost and he has a TV gig. I forget what his name is. But anyway, the amount of fucking people that are like, you know, upstanding citizens in their community. And then, you know, he or she always took the kids to softball and, you know, was a fun loving person. And then, you know, that's, I don't know, I don't know if they're psychos or they just don't have anybody to talk to. And then they just get that idea in their head. And you can't fucking, you got to have somebody you can literally talk to about that, right?

I don't know. I'll tell you what's a fucked up thing is when you're married, and you go out and you get life insurance, you know, like, you know, do the right thing, make sure your kids and your wife and everybody's going to be all right. And it's just like, okay, so not only did I get life insurance, I also just gave my wife motive. Like I am now like worth something. Dare I say worth more dead than alive. That's the thing. Well, you know, when they go to get life insurance, you can't give them so much money that you make yourself obsolete. I don't want to blame the victim here. All right. But when you don't have two nickels to rub together, don't go out and get a million dollars of life insurance. I mean, if you do, I would, I highly recommend you start

cooking your own fucking meals. All right. Because that seems to be the biggest reoccurring thing, like the biggest motive that I find when I watch those things, because my wife watches the she watches the murder shows. We had like the best day we just had like a day we just hung out the whole afternoon. It was the fucking best. I can't remember what the hell we laughed about. We went out. She of course went to some stores, looked at some shit. I got my beard shaped up at the barbershop. What the hell was I talking to her about? That made her laugh so hard. Oh, I told her about this time when I was younger, how I'd hooked up with this check and she was like a gymnast and our whole body felt like a knee. And she goes, Hey, yeah, she goes, I remember you telling me

that. I said, Yeah, like, Oh, it was like spooning with an ironing board. And I don't even know why it just struck her as funny, just that image of it. And she just started fun. She was laughing so hard. It like made me laugh. And it just sort of set the tone for the day. And we just had like a fucking great day. And I don't know. And then like we go home, right? And then the kids come back from school and all of that stuff. So then we're in the bubble. And then we get them all down, you know, for the night. It's funny. I'm trying to put my son to bed now. He has every delaying tactic. You know, I'll be like changing his diaper and goes that that that poopy potty poopy potty. I go, Oh, yeah, you're going to go poopy in the party. He's like, Yeah, yeah. And then I sit him

on the body. He's just sitting there not doing anything. Maybe he goes like number one. That's it. Then I go to brushes teeth. And I finally got that down. I only put a little bit of toothpaste on because he's not going to brush him. He's just going to eat the toothpaste. And then I put a little more toothpaste on and I try to brush his teeth, but he pretty much eats just eats the toothpaste, but there's not toothpaste on there. So I brush his teeth, then I read him, I swear to God, like seven books. Then I put him in bed. And then he has to kiss everybody good night. And then as I go to leave, he goes, he'll be like, dad, dad, dad, I tired. Dad, dad, I tired. I go, Yeah, I know you're tired. So go to bed. He goes, dad, dad, dad, my nose, nose hurt,

nose hurt. I'm like, All right, go over and kiss his nose. Dad, dad, dad. Itchy, itchy. He's like, just doing all of this shit. And I'm like, try not to laugh. And it's just like, All right, buddy, let's just, let's just go to bed. And then finally, when he gets, I don't know what it is, he just has that he sort of exhausts his final appeal. All right. And then he realizes that he's not going to get, he's going to get convicted. He just has to go to bed. He just goes like, All right, night, night, dad, dad, night, night, dad, dad. He like waves like right in my face. Night, night, dad, dad. I go, All right, buddy, good night. Night, night, dad, dad. All right, good night. Night, night, dad, dad. All right, good night. Like on a loop. And then like the

15th time he says it, all right, you know, night, night, dad, dad. I go, All right, buddy. And he goes, Okay. He does like this flop and slams himself down on the bed. Like he's in wrestling. It's fucking hilarious. And then he just two seconds later, he's just out. And then last night I was hanging with my daughter and I was, you know, there's something really cool about being an old dad is you know that that you know that they're up on all the new shit. Right. So what you want to do is you just show them the old shit. Right. All of this old stuff that none of their friends are going to see. So last night we were watching the pink panther. And now she like loves the song. She thinks she, you know,

I got to watching Bugs Bunny, the pink panther. You know, I got my little little radio speaker and my son's listening to like shit from the 1950s. And then he also like loves to soundtrack to cars. So he listens to like all the new stuff like my wife plays all the all the contemporary shit. So I'm like the, I'm not even like a classic hits. I'm like, I'm like classic hits meets like oldies. Like my son is like a beast on drums already. Like he's fucking killing it. He wants to play every day. He's like, dad, dad, boom, boom, bap, boom, boom, bap. I'm like, all right, buddy, let's get out there. And he just keeps playing and playing and playing. And I finally just go, all right, we got to go inside for dinner. And then he like cries because he wants to keep playing. And I'm

just like, oh my God, this is the fucking greatest thing ever. So of course I'm playing. I'm like, you know, everything from James Gadsden to John Bonham. And but there's a song by the Jive Bombers called Bad Boy that both him and in my daughter love. And so whatever. So I do all of that stuff. And I just have like a great day, had a great day, you know, getting a little better at being a pilot and stuff. And then we end the night just watching all these people that get caught trying to kill their spouse or they killed their spouse. At the end of the night, it just fucking cracks me up. And I'm always like, why do you watch this shit? This is literally the SNL sketch. And she's just like, well, you know, I just I just watch it because I want to like,

think about what would I do if I was in that situation, which is the funniest shit ever to me. I get it. I guess I get it. I don't know. I don't know. But we also watched The Real Housewives of New Jersey, which is just clearly the best one. Like the level of skin cancer that's going to be going on, like the guys on that show, like I've never seen a sunburned Italian before. I didn't even think it was fucking possible. These guys like did like lazy boy brown, brown leather chair, brown, and then their foreheads are all fucking the guy that is marrying that one chick who reminds me of the lizard in that fucking movie that that thing without that

YouTube video where the dude was tripping in the closet and he was talking to all that. I can't find that fucking I got to find that video. She's marrying this fucking guy. I swear to God, it looks like he stuck his head in a fucking microwave. Maybe it's it's the it's got to be the HD cameras because there's no way these guys are walking around like that. But I do like it because they're all like all like they're younger than me, but they're almost my age and they're all fucking jacked. They all still work out. Like I know a couple of them, you know, they got the juice going on. They definitely have a little juice with their eggs, if you know what I mean. But I've been trying to get my ass in shape. Like I got to like stop

this podcast here in a second because I don't have any reads this week or whatever. So I'm gonna have to pull up the podcast a little bit short here because I haven't eaten breakfast yet and I got to go. I have to go fucking work out. Oh, fucking aerobic Billy here. Anyway, shut this off here. Sorry, now I'm distracted. Anyway, I had a great fucking day and a great week despite, you know, this fucking business always kicking me in the balls. You know, that's just it is. It is what it is. I got off the phone. He is like, I just said, you know what, I go every project I've ever worked on, this is how it goes. This is how it goes. And then I do this, this, this and this. And then it gets there and everybody's like, Hey, you know what, that was good. And they

let me do it again. So who gives a fuck, right? I don't have a real job. Right. I really don't. I don't give a fuck. I'm over it. Look at me. I'm fucking over it. Also, by the way, you know, I didn't know that I really kind of stumbled onto something when I, when I was talking about as a guy that I finally realized that sadness is an emotion. I got so many fucking emails from people from men, like talking about like, you know, that actually helped me out. It's kind of fucking hilarious that as men were not allowed to feel all of those healing feelings, you know, crying, sadness, all of that. Like the amount of guys listening to this right now, like, Oh, shut the fuck up. It's fucking, you know, it's gay, right? Like you can't. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. And

I'm thinking like, that's kind of why we die before they do. And you know, what's even funnier is they don't even kind of, they don't want to deal with it. You know what I mean? Tell your wife, you're sad. All she's going to do is see if you're sad because of something that she did. All right. And if it's not something that she did, she could give a fuck. I don't know. It's all hilarious. All right, that's the podcast, everybody. Have a great, great weekend. You had tons and I will talk to you on Monday. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 23rd. I'm sorry, February 23rd, February 23rd, 2000. And we'll go 15. I know what you're thinking.

Jesus, Bill, what happened to your voice? What do you mean what happened to my voice? It's fucking February. That's what happened to my voice. Okay, it's winter out. I was just in Southeast Asia bleeding and breathing in fucking pollution. And then I was in fucking New York City, you know, hanging out with that animal, Paul Verzi. Jesus Christ, I'm drinking froco tea. I don't know what happened. I was kind of fighting off a cold all of the whole time I was in New York, but there was just so many people that I wanted to see. And all of them turned out to be raging alcoholics. So you know, what are you gonna, I've actually been doing really well. Like I haven't drank in like a week. Oh, man, I mean, this other guy, I'm under the other

guy's name will remain nameless. All right, because I'm old school. I don't name names. Okay, I'm not taking notes. I'm not going to write a book someday. Some tell all book about every cunt that I went out and smoked a fucking cigar with and drank booze with and all the shit that they said to me. It's a great thing about alcohol. You can't really remember in any ways somewhere in my brain, they used to be a tell all book and it's gone. And I think that's a good thing. I think it strengthens relationship friendships when you're fucking drinking away. Anyways, I was staying in a hotel. And for whatever reason, the bartender just decided that he had to do something to take inventory of some shit. So the bar was open all night.

And it was hilarious. We were we were staying at the hotel, right? And I don't I didn't really remember what happened. It was just basically it was one of those things where the place was full and then it was half full. And then it was like me in this other comic just sitting there. No, it wasn't Verzi. And it wasn't any of the Rose Bowl legends. All right, with somebody else and we were just sitting there. And, you know, and of course, you know the deal once it gets to around four or five o'clock in the morning, right, you get a text from your lady, right? Then the text becomes a phone call. And then she comes down there in her bathrobe with the fucking rolling pin and drags you up.

Nia said when she came downstairs, I had a full scotch, not a full scotch, probably a half full scotch. And it was tilted so far in my hand, it was almost pouring out of the glass, but it wasn't. And in the next day, I had to get up early and I had to fly back to finally be back out, you know, out here at my house. And Jesus Christ, I got to tell you man, that's the closest I've come to just, you know, like when you drank so much, and someone just goes like, Hey, you want to get breakfast? You just got to tell them to stop talking like just please just don't bring up breakfast. Or I'm going to puke. Now normally, people would be like, What are you talking about? But the look on my face and the dead

serious tone she just knew. So she was like, All right, and I forget what the fuck I had. I don't even remember. But I was just like, You know what, all freckles here. whole Billy bread face needs to fucking shut it down for a while. So you know, whatever, I'm like fucking eight days into it. And I have no desire to drink again for a while. I think I'm just going to fucking think I might have a couple of pops towards the end of the month. And then I'm going to I'm going to go clean and fucking March, going to go in like a lamb. And out like a lamb going to go whole 31 days, no booze. No cigar. Right? No cigars. I'm just going to be me and my fucking thoughts. How long is that

month going to fucking drag? You know, I got to finish up some shit. Anyways, I might as well do that. Be once in a while. You got to give your liver a fucking break. Right? Wouldn't that work? Well, anyways, I'm recording this Sunday night. I apologize for how late it got up. Last week, I actually recorded it Monday morning. And I just have really bad internet where I'm at. I don't know why. And you know why? Because it's technology and nothing works out for me. So what I do now is I just fucking, I'm just going to start recording them. I'm going to upload them to my computer. And then I'm just going to drive to a local fucking Wi Fi. I'm writing a script coffee house. And I'll just upload them there so you cunts can stop fucking bitching about it.

And everything will be fine. But I know you guys like to bitch. So it's kind of good when they're up late. You know, it'd be even better. What if I did two podcasts a week and both of them were kind of late, then you could bitch twice. And maybe you could feel twice as good about your life. Would you like that? Would you like that? What would you like if I did another because I'm thinking about doing it? In fact, you know what? Maybe just maybe next week, there might be a big announcement about a possible second podcast that I'm going to be doing, which would be a culmination of some maybe some classic clips from the old ones and then meet also just going off on topics that you guys pick, you know, rent a rant or something like

that. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to call. I don't even know what I'm going to call the podcast. You know, I don't know what the epilogue, I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to call it, but I'm thinking of doing a random Thursday every once in a while, maybe a couple of Thursdays, but those maybe slowly, I'll just do this like a full time fucking podcast five days a week, like a real radio show. I'll quit doing stand up and I'll just stay in a little treehouse talking to myself five days a fucking week and you guys can slowly listen to me slip it. No, you can listen to me slowly slip into madness, not slowly listen to me slip into madness. Listen to me slowly slip into madness. Something fucking wrong with my brain.

You know, the more I do this podcast, the more I understand the grades I got in high school, weren't necessarily my fault. You know, I just think it's the way the synapse is fire. So anyways, it's fucking 542, 542 p.m. I got a big day tomorrow I'm doing the goddamn comedy jam. Again, Josh Adam Myers. And as you guys know, I always go down there and whatever drummer do a little bit of stand up and then you jam with the band and I always whatever drummer I'm imitating, I always dress up like him because you know, I want to keep it. It's got to be a goof if I'm going to do it, you know, I couldn't just sit down, Bill Burr behind a fucking, I'd look like a jerk off. But if I dress up like an idiot, then he can laugh at me and then I can play drums and

everybody has a good time and there's no tension there. There's nobody sitting in the crowd going, wait a minute, does he actually think that he can also do this as a profession? No, I don't. I'm just having a good time. So anyways, I'm not going to tell you the drummer I'm dressing up is because that's always supposed to be a surprise for the people come to the show. So anyways, so I'm trying on the costume tonight, right? I put the wig on and I got the fucking sunglasses, the jacket, the t shirt and all that shit, right? And I come downstairs to show Nia. And as I'm going down there, right, my fucking, my dog Cleo is in the bedroom with her and the door is closed and I'm like, what if my fucking pit bull doesn't recognize me? What's going to happen? Right? And

I fucking open the door. I'm like, Hey, Nia, my dog just goes, whoa, fucking launches herself at the fucking door and I closed the door and I'm going, Cleo, and I'm not taking off the wig because I'm thinking like she'll smell me, right? How does this work? I'm actually doing an experiment behind this brand new door that I just fucking had put in that cost me a fucking fortune downstairs, right? So I'm going, Cleo, it's me, relax, okay, relax. And she stops barking, then I opened it up again and she just goes flipping the fuck out. I finally had to take off the wig and the sunglasses. But dude, she went to fuck this mode. And when pit bulls go to fuck this mode, it's too late to take the wig off. So my wife had to totally fucking calm her down and the dog was just looking at me

like sideways for like five minutes. Almost like don't do that to me. You don't know how close you just came. Do you understand that? You don't know how fucking close you came. Not shitting on pit bulls. I'm not shitting on pit bulls because once you get a pit bull, you actually realize how many other dogs act exactly like fucking pit bulls. They just don't have the capability. You know what I mean? It's like if some little twerp said, I'm going to fucking kill you, do you just laugh and keep walking? That's like one of those little chihuahuas. But if a big guy said, I'm going to fucking kill you, you'd be you'd be afraid. You're like, you'd call somebody and be like, can you beat that guy up for me? That's what pit bulls are.

Because there's this little cunty dog every five. I fucking hate this dog. There's two dogs when I walk my dog that I fucking hate. All right. There's this one little fucking dog. He lives whatever it's allowed to live saying he lives like he's making payments. This fucking dog lives at this house with these people that allow him to live. Although I don't know that they fucking like the dog because it's always outside. And they have one of these driveways that's like a little horseshoe, right? So you got, you know, entrance and an exit could spin right around. It's probably fat people living there, right? Fat people can't back up cars. That's why I didn't know if you know that that's why they have the backup cameras now is because the fatties when

they would turn the neck fat would stop the head and they could only look so far. And I was causing a lot of problems. So that's why they have the backup cameras just right there. They don't have to fucking turn around. All they got to do is move their eyes. Their big Fred Flintstone waterhead can just sit there, right? So anyways, these fatties got this dog and and what it does is when we come walking up the block, it's it's on one side of the driveway. The second it sees us, it immediately runs to the other side waiting for us to come. And it's probably like, you know, whatever, like 20 feet between two. And it just fucking talks all this all this fucking shit. And my dog just looks at it. You know, and it's such like,

my dog doesn't even give a fuck. I actually react to the dog now, like it's been bugging me. I'll take a little short step towards it. I'll growl at it. I do other shit like put my arms up, you know, like you're supposed to do when there's a bear coming at you, which I'm sure it doesn't work. Put your arms up so you look bigger. Yeah, well, my arms are up. I don't look bigger than a bear. So I mean, I don't see what the big fucking if I was going to step on an ant and it fucking put four of its legs in the air while stood on two of them, I'd be like, wow, it's a very talented ant smush, right? Isn't that what the bear is going to do? I love those people with theories. What to do? What to do if you're in the water with a shark, swim underneath it. They

don't like the vulnerable underside of their bodies. Oh, is that what I'm going to do? I'm casually swim underneath it. And it's that thing that can swim 10 times faster than me. Do you know how good a fighter you are when you just use your mouth? Think about that. That thing's not worried about taking any sort of fucking, you know, imagine if you just fought with your mouth, you just fucking, you know, kind of, what if you just put your arms out like they were fins, you kept them down by your waist and you just turn your hands out like they would fit. I mean, bar fights, do you think you'd win? All right. What was the last time you saw a bear lose in a bar fight? What if a shark could go in a bar? You think it would ever lose? Just say

could breathe, right? You give it some sort of reverse oxygen mass. It was like full of water. You know, when you sit at the end of the bar, right, and you're fucking late, you just can't stop looking at the shark down there, right? And then you're like, you're fucking looking at this guy all night? What are you making me a fucking jerk off? And then you went down there, you know? How many punches do you think you'd get in? He fucking eat it. He eat your goddamn hand. All right. So fuck your whole, you know, put your arms up to make yourself look bigger, curl up in a ball, play dead. You know, you only got one option. Okay. Hope you're near other humans and run near them. And hope they don't see what's chasing you and maybe they get eaten. That's the

move. That's the fucking move. You never go in the woods by yourself. All right. You always want to go into the woods with somebody that can't run as fast as you and looks a lot tastier. Okay, that's called the buddy system. All right. And I don't do a lot of scuba diving is everybody knows I'm terrified of the ocean, but I would think that that would be the same case. When you, like if I was scuba diving, I'm trying to think which one of my friends looks like a seal. Joe de Rosa looks like an eel, sort of like an old eel, you know, it's got a little bit of a punch. Oh, God, who else? I don't fucking know. I'm gonna start this bullshit, whatever. I would, I'd pick somebody. There's gotta be somebody I know. Somebody I know that looks like a walrus.

Although, you know, walrus can kill a polar bear. God knows we've all seen that, right? I pull you must see that famous YouTube video where that polar bear just rather than picking on a little one, he went for the Thanksgiving dinner and went for that big one. And the big one with the giant fucking teeth, it didn't even like got him that bad. And the polar bear just it was like a fucking he got shanked and that was it. Fucking thing like walked off. I thought it was just like regrouping like, all right, that wasn't worth it. Maybe I'll live to fight another day. And it didn't it just kind of walked away only about 50 yards and just laid down curled up in a ball and just bled out and died.

I felt really bad for it too. It's weird how, you know, you fucking look at a polar bear just attacking walruses and you're like, it's so vicious and everything that you fucking hate the thing. But in the second you see it vulnerable, you actually kind of feel bad for it. Like you guys ever seen that YouTube video where that that pride of lions are attacking, I don't know, one of those bulls or whatever the fuck it is. And one of them gets kicked in the jaw and it breaks its jaw. And its mouth is just hanging open like never Roger Ebert right before he died that fucking awful cancer he had. That's what this lion looked like, right? Just sitting there. And there's mouth open. And it was trying to play it off. But like all the other lions were

eating and this thing wasn't eating, it was getting skinnier and skinnier. And they're just looking at him. Like, dude, just, you know, either say it or shut your fucking mouth. They just, and the thing just basically starved to death. And you felt bad for you felt bad for this thing that would have no problem just eating you alive. Actually don't eat your life. They fucking go right for your throat. The worst thing is if you ever got fucking, I'd say Komodo dragon, where they just bite you. And then just fucking follow you around for two days and wait for you to die because the kind of bacteria that's in their mouth once it gets in your bloodstream, you know, you're just done two days and they just sort of linger around you just waiting for this

thing just waiting to eat you. You're sitting there talking to you motherfucker. It's just walking behind you like Jason, you know, Crystal Lake, no matter how fast you run that fucking thing, it's just lumbering along behind you. I would just pick up rocks and just I would stone it to death. You know, like what, you know, I don't know, like somebody steals an iPod and Saudi Arabia, like what they have to fucking deal with, I would treat the lizard the same fucking way. I would just, it's all right, something's eating me, but not you motherfucker, you're not going to enjoy this meal. All right. I think I would be a delicacy out there as pasty as I am. You know, God knows everybody likes to fucking breast meat now. That's why they inject those

chickens with all the steroids. They can't even walk because they got such big fucking, you know, breastasis now. I don't want to talk about all right, this is the money morning podcast everybody. I do this every single week if you're new to it, and I'm doing it a little bit early this week. You know why? Because my fucking lady, she's downstairs. She's watching the Oscars. She's watching the pre red carpet Oscars and every year, you know, I try to hang in there, you know, it's like, all right, I know this is your Super Bowl. I'll sit and I'll watch as much of this as I fucking can. And you know, I can only get so far. You know, it was really interesting at one point was the guy who's hosting Daniel Day Lewis, whatever his name is, Greg Odin,

Kirk, I don't know what the fuck his name is, Thomas, see Thomas Howell, Thomas Hayden Church. It's one of those three name guys, Stugie Hauser, the fuck's his name. I had it. I had it. Anyways, he was talking to this other gay guy, right? And I felt like the other gay guy was like the old style gay guy and the new guy, Dougie, I gotta look up his fucking name. It's gonna ruin this story. It's gonna ruin this fucking story. I love when they ask the guys, what are you wearing? You know, we're all wearing tuxedos. Does it fucking matter? You know, what are you wearing? It's Tom Ford. Oh my God, I knew it was Tom Ford. Yeah, actually, it's Mr. Tux. All right, you dumb fuck. I like how Ryan Seacrest has his

own line of fucking clothes. That's hilarious to me. Dougie Hauser, what is this fucking name? Dougie Hauser. All right, MD, Wikipedia. Here we go. Neil Patrick Harris. I knew that. So anyways, he's talking to this other gay dude, right? And I felt like the other gay dude is, let me ask gay guys, any gay guys who listen to this, is there such thing as hacky gay? Or is there a kind of gay that fucking annoys you on television? There's gotta be. You know what I mean? There's a kind of redhead that bugs me. You know what I mean? That all shucks guy tagging along with the fucking Fonzarelli guy. At what point was Richie Cunningham going to be like, Hey, you know, Fonzie, you're kind of a cunt. You know, you're banging everything that move. You're not that tough. I'm fucking taller

than you. You might kick my ass, but I'll get one in. I wanted to do a whole fucking five, 10 seasons of that. He never did it. So the other the pudgy gay guy, like he was going, he was like that really affected gay, like gay dude, just going like, going to Neil Patrick Harris, he was going like, is there anybody in the crowd that you're just like excited to say, you know, like those gay guys that say honey, right? It's like, isn't that like hacky gay? Because the punchy guy goes, is there anybody you're excited to say, like for me, it'd be Liza Manelli. And I just went like, really? Would it really be Liza Manelli? Wasn't that like funny for a gay guy to say, like 30 fucking years ago, come on. Right? I mean,

I'm talking out of school here, but I just seem like, what's this face? Neil Patrick Harris, he had like, you know, he was a fucking human being. The other guy was just fucking, I don't know what he was doing. It was like he was, who was in that fucking movie with that guy who hung himself. I can't remember. I can't remember the name of the movies. You know what I mean? Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're not a person. You know what I mean? It's almost like when somebody's acting regular, then all of a sudden they become a game show host and then they just stop being human. They just become game show host guy. All right, let's spend the whale. I feel like when when gay dudes, that's like the gay version of doing that.

I just want to shake that fat guy and just be like, who are you really? How do you what do you really talk like? Anyways, I'm sure someone will fucking take a snippet of that and send it to we've had enough of that.com and next thing you know, there'll be another story out there, but that's what they do. And you know what, you should do that. You should take this podcast seriously. God damn it. The nerve of me to be out here joking around. Okay, this isn't my podcast. It's your podcast and you should take it seriously and somehow shape it into whatever fucking cause you're trying to get an attention to. Anyway, so she's down there watching these these fucking, I don't know what the hell they are. I really hope somebody gage chimes in on that

because I got as I got a sense that I'm fucking right on that one. You know what I mean? Anyways, going back so Nia's downstairs and she's just totally into it and somebody's walking the red carpet and she's just gone, Oh my God. No, I can't stand it. I can't sounds like it was a bad call, but she's actually that's like how into the dresses she gets. And I sit there going, Bill, don't ruin it. Don't ruin it. Okay, just let her enjoy this. You watch sports. It's just as fucking stupid. If you really sit down and think about it, it's just as fucking stupid. It's just as stupid. All right. And I get more fucking upset about the outcome than she does with the Oscars, I think. You know, I actually had to walk away from the Oscars when at one point they were like,

you know, all the best pictures, all of them are starring men. You know, like every fucking award show is that now. Well, what the four? Well, can't that just mean that guys made better movies this year? You can't say that, can you? You got to be like, No, no, no, the witches of Eastwick, that was fucking phenomenal. Witches of Eastwick really, I don't watch movies. So fuck you. What do you want from me? It's just every goddamn time. Every time I swear to God, best lemonade stand. Hey, how come there isn't anybody from Bangladesh in this? You know, what are you trying to suggest they don't like lemonade? No, I wasn't thinking about it. I was just making lemonade. Anyways, let's let's get to the fucking gonna blame my cold for how dumb I sound this week. This is

like extra dumb, extra dumb. Man, you're out of your mind if you don't do that one. Well, I mean, you know, if you like to shop, if you're into shopping, you can do that. I went to the mall yesterday. It was a shit show. Absolute shit show. But you know what the icing on the cake was? They were selling Girl Scout cookies. You know, they should always not always sell Girl Scout cookies. They should bring them back more than once a year. They'll make those trips to the mall a little more exciting. All right, me undies, everybody. Here we go. Can I sing? I'm gonna have to do this differently. My raspy voice. Who do I sound like? You'll never find that's a hacky lu roll song. I like lady love way better. Your love is sweeter than the summer breeze. I got

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on my podcast, when they send me a tweet that they ordered me undies, all they talk about is how great their balls feel. Think how less annoying your boss would be if your balls felt that nice and dry. You need to know about me. My me undies.com wants to get yelled at wearing saggy underwear. It's like you're losing on two fronts. It's like Hitler. You know, when he went too far into fucking Russia, me undies is the most comfortable underwear you will ever wear. And it's insane how good they make you feel. They fit perfectly. They don't ride up on you. And they literally pull moisture away from your scrows from your skin. So you stay cool. I have mine on right now. You know what I actually do?

I fucking love them. They come in superhero colors too. They have cool styles for both men and women and they look great. Check out the photos yourself me undies.com. This quality would typically retail for two times the me undies price. I would love to talk to an expert in underwear to actually see if that claim is true. I mean, what is two times? What is the price of underwear? Who knows? It's like that old George Bush. How much is eggs? I don't fucking know. I'm the president. I have a chef too busy trying to make sure nobody shoots missiles at a shit cunt. How many missiles does Russia have? Well, I'll write that you worry about the eggs. Can you do me a favor? No, just fucking audit that guy. All right, sorry. No retail middlemen

means more savings for you. Here I'll make it easy. Go to me undies.com slash burrow and get 20% off your first order and free shipping. Save even more when you buy a pack of them. They guarantee you're going to be happy with your first pair or your first pair is free. Well, if I'm not happy, does it make a difference on the price? I fucking hate this underwear. Oh, and it's free. All right. I don't love this woman. Well, you know, she doesn't have the clap. Okay. All right, did legal zoom right? Oh, so I have one more read. All right, let's get back to the podcast. All right, so what else? Oh, for those of you out there that want to email me, the email for the podcast is bill at the mm podcast. Once again, that email is bill at the mm podcast.

Yes. And also, I've been getting a bunch of emails about people who did that swap test thing there to see if you could be a bone marrow donor or a blood donor. Sorry. Here's one. Hey, Billy blood donor. I'm not looking to get read on the podcast. But I wanted to tell you that I joined be the match.org because I heard you talk about it on the show. It sounds like a great organization. I hope you followed through with signing up. I haven't yet. I got to do it. And then the obligatory thanks and go swab yourself. There you go. I have to do that. I have to do something positive with my fucking life. Are you like me? Are you a fucking drunk? Don't do something positive. Go to be be the match.org. Have a swab your mouth. You know, then you'll be a match. You'll

save somebody's life. Yes, funny. I would save somebody's life and they'd also get slightly buzzed in a booze bag. All right, I I've gotten back into reading everybody. And by reading, I mean, I just I just like reading autobiographies. Right now, I'm reading this. Actually, the book about Richard Pry that was fucking amazing that I started, you know, I got ADD. So I'm always reading like two, three at a time. So reading that, the ESPN book, those guys, I haven't too much fun. And I'm also tearing through Steven Adler, my favorite drummer from the 80s. I just I fucking, I don't know. I absolutely love the way he played. And he's got a book called My Appetite for Destruction, Sex, Drugs and Guns and Roses. And it was really cool as if you already read

Slash's book to hear him go over like some of the same stories in his version. I mean, they line up pretty good. But I know it's pretty, it's pretty fucking awesome. He actually talks about some shit that I had no idea had happened to him. And maybe have even more empathy for that guy. You know what I watched recently this week was they actually I never knew this. I was literally like, two things devastated me. Like two major blows, one was more severe, because it was a death of somebody. But in 1990, as far as a music fan, was the first obviously the top of the list was when Stevie Ray Vaughn died, I couldn't fucking believe it was the first time someone that I was into to that level died and just

it was just so fucking shocking, like I didn't even, you know, it didn't register till after you know, then family style came out with Jimmy Vaughn. So there was still new material. And I just remember thinking like, wow, there's going to be no more Stevie Ray Vaughn and double trouble new material. And he kind of had this, this theme where he would always, with a lot of his albums, he would start with an instrumental and end with an instrumental. So I'd always be excited when I bought his new album to would he do that or wouldn't he maybe he did it on a few getting old and starting to get rude mood, I think was the first song on the second side. Well, I guess he would have one instrumental

every album or two, wait, he had staying swing and couldn't stay on the weather and scuttle button. He had rude mood on Texas flood. He had say what on soul to soul. He had Riviera paradise. Oh, he also had Lenny. Okay, I forget that one. So anyways, I was always thinking like, oh man, in this plane always we'll go to the next level. I just remember thinking like, wow, that's never going to happen again. So there was that. And then Steven Adler got kicked out of Guns N' Roses. I couldn't fucking believe it. It was just he was he was the guy for me like I was all about all these other guys from the 80s that I saw, you know, and they all had the double bass drum set up and all that. And I just remember when I saw guns and roses live at the

Ritz on MTV. And I saw all the music that Steven Adler was getting out of that little four piece drum kit. And it was so fucking cool to just go see somebody go back to having the one rack tom with just a one ride symbol. And it's how dumb I am when it really comes to spatial relations and shit, like I'm really fucked in the head. Like I don't it's why I don't have a good mechanical mind. Even like when they say if there's cooking directions, like, you know, turn on the front burner when I look at the stove, the front burner is not the burner closest to me. It's the one furthest away to me. I always view the stove like I'm standing behind a car. And that's I don't know why that doesn't make any fucking sense. But I'm always looking at

shit ass backwards. So at the time I had a five piece slingerland late 70s all bottom size is 24, like 14 by 24 based from I think I had a 1214 and a 16. You know, two racks on a floor and I had my ride up high over the second rack tom. And I was telling the guy at work is like, yeah, man, I really want to play a four this how dumb I was. I really want to play a four piece. But you know, I got a five piece kit, man, maybe next kid I'll buy will be a four piece. And he goes, well, why don't you just take that other Tom off? And then it becomes a four piece. And I was like, Oh, yeah. Do you know, bad, I want that story not to be true, but it is true. So I took that fucking rack tom off. And it changed my world. As far as drum and how much fun it was, and I've

never gone back. I absolutely love that setup because the way it makes you go around the kit is totally different. Because once people started having the two rack toms, it became start your fill on the snare, go up to the first rack tom and then just blow down every fucking tom you had. And every fill kind of started to sound the same. But when you had the fucking sort of the L shaped thing going there one up and one to the, you know, one straight up and one over to the right, it made you go around the kit differently. I mean, nowadays, I don't even think kids can relate to that shit because there's so much information on YouTube and kids compete with each other that the growth of the average drummer is through the fucking roof. Like in the last five years,

how good people have gotten at playing at drums compared to five years when I was a kid, it's not even close. And now, you know, they had the bass drums in with the fills and all that, that they're just fucking, they're, they're unbelievable, you know, but whatever. So that was my thing, you know, I started off playing with AC DC records and then Rolling Stones. So it's Phil Rudd, Charlie Watts, really simple to four shit. And then moving up to appetite for destruction, which was all, you know, rock and roll type of shit. But you know, bass drum was more busier. And he had he has signature licks and that type of thing. But the degree of difficulty as far as just technically was harder for me. And I used to play that I got stripped it down to the

four piece I used to play that fucking album every day. After work, man, I would I would unload trucks all day in this warehouse, laugh my balls off. One of the great jobs I ever had, you know, and then I would I would fucking go home, lift weights. This is my day lift weights, I go on a bike ride. And then I fucking, then I would sit down and play drums. And that was it, I would just fucking play from the first song all the way to the end of the album. And my older brother used to drive him fucking nuts, because I sucked. And but Steve what was funny was Steven's drum parts were so unique to each song that in his head, he knew all of the tracks he knew what what's if he came home in the middle of the album, he'd be like, ah, fuck, he's only on Mr.

Brownstone. He's only on the, he's only he's only halfway through the first side of the fucking tape. You know, it's funny, is I had the tape in a boombox, I didn't even have headphones, I should just got headphones and I didn't I could have heard it so much better. I would have that thing fucking cranked up. And I have my head turned to the side, this little shitty plastic fucking poor excuse for a boombox. And I used to play that that thing. All the fucking time. I remember just in you had no ideas had to figure shit out for yourself. There was no YouTube, you just listen to it. And I was convinced anytime any drummer was playing on the snare drum, it was never just singles with accents. I always could was convinced it was

some sort of rudiment. He's got to be playing a rudiment. It sounds too cool. And I guess a single stroke role is a rudiment, but you know what I mean? I thought was some sort of special sticking. So I remember it's so easy in the beginning where he's got those fast 16th notes on the snare drum, with the with the crash accents, I thought he was playing paradigms. So I would be trying to crash and play paradigms. It was oh my god, it was a shit show. Until fucking somebody at this other warehouse is burnout musician. He showed me that it was singles. And I don't know that was just a great. It was a great time in my life as far as like I was fucking up bad. But like, it was going to be a while before the chickens were going to come

home to roost because I was still in my early 20s. I was fucking up in college, but nobody I knew had graduated college. So even though I was behind, you know, none of them had jobs yet. I hadn't started doing stand up. I was working out like a fucking it was the best shape I was ever in. I lifted weights every fucking day and rode a bike like 11 miles every day. And on the weekends, I one day I'd ride at 18 miles. And I was like 20 years old. And I had like zero body fat. I was like, yeah, and I would go out and booze like fucking four nights in the week, eat McDonald's at the end of the night. You just metabolize it was it was the best. And I went to work and my job was unloading trucks. That's all it was. And then stocking the shelves. And I were everybody I worked

with was a fucking either it was a warehouse, they were either class clowns, struggling musicians, or some sort of just, I don't know, drug addict, free spirit. It was just the best fucking group of people I ever worked with. And anyways, I remember some way. Yeah, I always heard they played far made. I remember hearing a story like it went nationwide. I think it's MTV was right. That's right. Was Axel said that someone in this band is fucking with Mr. Brownstone when they opened up for the Rolling Stones. And I was like, Oh, wow, that's cool. They're living just like this song. I didn't know that that was a bad sign for the band. And then I don't know if they played far made or whatever. And I just heard I, you know,

I heard that he got fired and I couldn't fucking believe it. And I never thought the band was the same. Once he left and is he left and then they got they got all those other guys and they added a fucking keyboard thing and it just the whole thing just like, you know, what happens so anyways, this is a long drawn out story, but I didn't realize that that there's video of Stephen Adler's last performance with guns and roses. And slash tells the story that Steven was high. And they went out to go perform and he went to jump on the the drum riser. But his death perception was off because of whatever he was on. And he missed it by like eight feet and he does he comes out and he fucking just eats it does a

face plant. Then he gets behind the drums and evidently he didn't really know what songs they were going to be doing. I don't know. That was his fault or whatever. So they did civil war. And you see the look on his face in the video like what the fuck we do seven. I've rehearsed this with the band, but never with Axl. Dude, how does it mean he fucking kills it? I mean, they were all a little bit sloppy, but I thought he did fine. And then they pulled out some punk tune. And Duff had to count it off for him. But even then he still fucking did a great job. And it made me mad at all over again that they fired him. But like I'm getting through his book. And I think obviously they wouldn't have got rid of him if he wasn't completely fucking up.

But it's weird to read this book, because I know how it ends. As far as his trip with guns and roses, but I'm still fucking rooting for the guy like that's how big a fan I am of his. So all right, there's your drum nerd part of the fucking podcast for this week. So anyway, so I'm reading that shit. And oh, here's one for you. I wanted to read you this shit. All right. Let me type this in here. People always say this shit like, dude, you're type A, you're type A, right? Like this is some negative fucking thing. Are you type B and all that? Here's what you next time somebody says that's because people usually what they do when they run out of points to make with you, they say, oh, you're type A, you're type A, right? Rather than being like, no, I made some

good points and now you can't refute them. So now you're gonna, you're gonna fucking hide behind this fucking pop psychology horseshit. This is really interesting to me. Type A and type B personality theory. You hear the big word there theory, those type A and type B personalities are just theories. And it basically describes two contrasting personality types that could either raise or lower respectively, one's chances of developing coronary heart disease. There is a considerable controversy about the role of these personality types in coronary heart disease and the role of the tobacco industry funding of early research in this area. Early research turns out they funded this study for 40 years and basically the theory about the tobacco

industry is what they were trying to do is cover up the fact that cigarette smoking caused heart disease. And they tried to blame it more on if you were this type A guy who gets impatient with people that's goal driven that loses his temper and all that, like you had a bigger change, like that was more of a cause of the heart disease than smoking than if you were actually like more chilled and relaxed, like a type B personality, you wouldn't get heart disease. So as far as my ignorant way of reading this, like these personalities are just like, because I feel like everything that they bring up I am like type A describes individuals as rigidly organized. I'm not my office is a shit show. And I don't write anything down and I never

look at emails, highly status conscious. Yeah, I mean, I drive a Prius and I dress like Malcolm Young. I don't give a fuck sensitive. Yes, impatient. Yes. Take on more than they can handle. I got like hobbies, maybe one other people to get to the point who doesn't anxious. Not as much as I used to be proactive depends on what you're talking about. And concerned with time management, who wants to waste their fucking time. All right, type B. By definition, generally live at lower stress levels, and typically work steadily, enjoying achievement, but not becoming stressed when they do not achieve. I mean, I've kind of come to that point. I'm where I'm at, you know, I think this means being more happy with your life, you know, I'm a comedian, I sell tickets. I mean, what the

fuck else is there? Everything else after that is gravy. I felt like I made it like four years ago after like, somewhere between, why do I do this and let it go? Once I was selling the tickets at clubs, I could go out twice a month, live my dream, and live a comfortable lifestyle, take care of my wife. What the fuck did I care? So I don't know. But anyways, it's good to know they're actually a fucking theory. It's just a theory. You know, something you know, probably came up with this pussies. Fucking jerk off, stick up for yourself. Come on up with this crap. Here's funny, white tobacco companies. Further discrediting the so called type A behavior pattern, a study from 2012 based on searching the legal tobacco documents library, suggests the phenomenon

of initial, initially promising results, followed by negative findings to be partially explained by the tobacco industry's involvement in the type A, B personality research to undermine the scientific evidence on smoking and health. The industry's newest, the industry's interest in type A, B personality lasted at least four decades until the late 1990s, involving substantial funding to key researchers encouraged to prove smoking, to simply correlate with a personality type prone to coronary heart disease and cancer. So I don't know, I find that interesting after the 50th time somebody said I'm type A. Let's just say it's not a theory. I think I have elements of type A and type B. I really think a type A type person would will throw down in a bar, which I never did.

I never did that. I haven't had a fight since like fucking junior high and I lost I was playing stick hockey and I lost to this fucking guy. That was it was over. And I was just like, yeah, that sucked. You know, just because you have a temper doesn't mean you type A, doesn't only it does to me a type A is like a fucking guy's guy knows how to fix a car or break your jaw. To me, that's type A. He's like a hero. I think very few people are type A and type B is the whole, you know, either living like this Zen. I think there's just two ways to live in both if they actually exist. Okay. You could be type A. This is Zen way maybe to live both. I don't know because like there's the type B person actually knows how to fight, but recognizes how stupid it is.

It doesn't throw down unless they have to and then they throw down and they win. And in the end, they still think it's stupid. That person does that person exist or am I just thinking about a cool guy saw in a movie? Speaking of that, do you guys see the movie The Drop? I saw a bunch of movies in my 70 plus hours of airline travel over the last month. The Drop is a great fucking movie. James Gandolfini's last movie. And there's another actor in there. Of course, I didn't get his name. I was on the plane. I don't know. I gotta get his fucking name here. So don't fuck this up. I absolutely love that guy's performance in that thing. Really cool movie. Come on. The Drop 2014. Would it be great if I actually looked this up? In the

meantime, as I'm waiting for this to come around, I saw horrible bosses too, which I thought was fucking hilarious. Did you see anybody else see that movie? Anybody? Sudeikis was fucking hilarious. Is it Tom Hardy? Is that who it is? Jesus Christ, he looks so different in every fucking picture. Yeah, that's the guy. Tom Hardy was the shit in The Drop. He was so good in that movie. Horrible bosses too. I fucking loved that movie. Kevin Spacey's fucking hilarious in it. Charlie Day, Sudeikis, all three of those guys, Justin Bateman, just funny ass fucking movie. He's laughing like an asshole on the plane. Everybody looking at me. And I didn't care

because I had another 10 hours to go and I was drinking the fucking Johnny Walker Black there. I saw Dumb and Dumber 2. It was disappointed. There was a couple of really good scenes, but I was disappointed. I didn't think that the script was there for those guys. And that's obviously a fucking classic. What else did I see? I think I told you I saw Chef a while back when I was in New Zealand. I saw Chef. What a fucking great movie. Let me ask you this. Has John Leguizamo ever been bad? That guy, he's been in bad movies, but he always makes the movie better. As long as he's fucking in it, it's over. If it's a great script, he's great. If the movie stinks, he's still great. The guy's fucking money in the bank. Money. That's probably why he's been

working for like 30 fucking years. It's unbelievable. It was that fitting that I'm talking about this shit on Oscar night, everybody. I used to watch this many movies. I used to don't fly this much. I used to don't talk this much. I used to don't start sentences with I usually every fucking two seconds. Let me get back to what the fuck I was talking about here. What the hell is it? What was I going to talk about those Bruins, huh? beating the Blackhawks by four goals. How'd you like that Chicago? What's up, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, St. Louis. That's what we lost to on this trip already. Brutal fucking losses. I got all my tape. I don't have the nerve to watch the Calgary game. I watched the

St. Louis one. I was really jet lagged last week. So Edmonton, Vancouver, Calgary, but I watched the St. Louis one. We called up Subban. It was probably the wrong team to do it. Some people said, but who gives a fuck? He'll be fine. But I can't imagine why are we trying to get rid of Tuka? I mean, you know, guys had a little bit of a rough patch all of a sudden when he's not good anymore. It's his fucking fault. We lost all these great defensemen. There's been all these injuries. We lost a fucking boy, Chuck. I mean, come on, you're going to blame him. Stupid. That's like, well, you know what? That's two does shit like that. New York does that. Boston does it too. It's so fucking dumb.

You know, every two fucking years, the goddamn giant fans try to get rid of their coach and fucking Eli Manning. It's like, Oh, you mean those Super Bowl champions? Yeah, I'm sure it's their fault. What else? I think that's it. I got into, I watched the end of the Daytona 500. I got to go to that one of these years. You owe it to yourself someday. I never been a NASCAR. I've been to two Indy 500 races, but you owe it to yourself at some point to go to any sort of auto racing event, because the funniest fucking thing about it is the difference in intellect between what's going on in the pit row and what's going on in the fucking stands. It's unbelievable. I mean, you're talking state of the art, like mega brains trying to figure out how to go half a second faster.

10th of a second faster at like 200 miles an hour. So he went by a fucking bumper, right? And then literally you look across the street, which is the track. And there's some guy fucking just crushing old Milwaukee, you know, would dip in his mouth. He's so fat his t-shirt can't cover his navel. That's what I love. And I, you know, I would love to say at the Indy 500, you know, open wheel racing that was a little more snooty. It wasn't, you could bring a cooler in you do whatever the fuck you wanted. It was a great time. And I've been meaning to go to Talladega and Daytona. I got to scratch those off the bucket list at some point. I always forget it's just NASCAR starts at such a weird time. It's a great time to go, right? No football. This is the time of year. I

always get into like college hoop. I didn't realize Kentucky was still undefeated. So I've been watching. I just hate the fucking Pac 10. I like watching Kansas, Kentucky. And I like tobacco row, man. I like fucking Carolina Duke, NC State. I like watching that shit. It just sucks. The Big East is gone now. I used to back in the day, man, the 80s, when I first started watching fucking hoop, the ACC and the fucking Big East. Like in a five year period, I watched like James Worthy, Michael Jordan, Patrick Ewing, Ralph Samson, Elijah one and what's his face? Clyde Drexler. We're out in Houston. Chris Mullen was St. John's Pearl Washington at Syracuse. I mean, it was just fucking every week. There was some sort of fucking epic goddamn battle.

Always would come down to the end. Those great coaches. I forget the coach for St. John's always wearing the Cosby sweaters. Then he had John Thompson, who was as big as fucking Ewing almost. I always wondered like how fucking long is his tie that it goes all the way down to almost his belt buckle when that fucking guy, he was like six foot 10. It's like, where the fuck do you get your suits made? You know, just picture like the, the, the haberdashery guy, like they like elves, like standing on ladders trying to measure the guy. Yeah. And you had what's his face? Oh my God. Am I going to forget his name? Dean Smith. Dean Smith. I told you guys all these fucking stories about going to the Dean dome and seeing

Michael Jordan play. I told you that as an NBA player right before the Charlotte or the year before the Charlotte Hornets came, they try to get NBA excitement going on down in North Carolina. So they scheduled two NBA scrimmages during the summertime before the NBA season, probably like in September. And I went to both games and each NBA team had a former tar heel on it. So it was the Chicago Bulls, Michael Jordan, no championship still had hair. Still was skinny. Didn't bulk up because Detroit hadn't beat him up enough. Right. I saw him play. Who was it? I think the Cleveland Cavaliers that had Brad Doherty, I think his name was, he's that guy with the fucking hairline that went right down to his eyebrows, who actually now,

he actually commentates for stock car racing. And then I saw the Lakers with James Worthy, Magic, Karim. Oh, I think Karim didn't show up though. He's too old at that point. Like, man, ain't fucking coming out for that shit. He might have been retired. It was 87 summer of 87. Yeah, he didn't play 87 88. Did he? I don't fucking know. And then they played the Cavaliers. They had Sam Parkes. That's right. Anyways, let me let me fucking read some of the letters for the goddamn weekend before I fucking go off the rails here. All right. Okay, here we go. Alpha brain.

Bill the half a man thrill, right? Go fuck yourself. I know your buddy buddy with Joe Rogan. And I'm not sure if he's already turned you on to onto this, but his company on it, pronounced on it. Thank you. Oh, you know what? I think I already knew it was on it. I wouldn't have known. I wouldn't have known how to say it. Anyways, produce a product called alpha brain, which helps with cognitive brain function. He's been talking about it for years, but tried it a couple of months ago and it's great. It helped me focus on a novel I'm writing on nights and weekends on nights and weekend away from my boring day job, weekends away from my boring day job. That's why you should have written it. You always talk about how you forget stuff and have

trouble concentrating. You should give it a shot and report back to us. I'm sure he'd give you some free samplers. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I don't fuck with drugs. Other than booze. I just don't. You know, I'm sorry. Try to do a solid thought she was downstairs. Yeah, I'll fuck around with miracle drugs. If I have a disease, I'll do that. Like, look, being scattered brain is working out for me. It does. It just churns more comedy. I just fuck up and I embarrass myself. You know, it's like, didn't you ever see that episode of Taxi where they showed Reverend Jim before he fucking ate the pot brownies? He was just some boring guy with a sweater on. If I took Joe Rogan's pills and all of a sudden I started focusing more.

That would I would just I don't think you'd like me. No, I don't fuck with pills. I don't fuck with pills. I don't take I don't take sleeping pills. You know, I don't fuck with them. I think they beat up your liver. I think there's a bunch of shit out there that they say is healthy, and it doesn't have side effects. And I feel like the food and drug administration has, you know, I've seen documentaries where people used to work for these drug companies are now they've infiltrated the food, the fire, whatever the fuck is called, I just said it. Who's a better candidate for this shit than me? The fruit food and drug organization food and health, whatever the fuck it is, I just said it, I just had it. It's unbelievable.

The FDA, there you go. You got the nuts running the nut house. So they're just pushing shit through clearing it, you know, they're getting kickbacks on the side. I don't fucking trust any of it. All right. I think the way I was born is natural. You know, I don't think being scatterbrained is necessary. It's bad as far as the way things are set up right now. But back in the day, if we were still living in the woods, I'd be fucking killing it. I'd have those squirrel like instincts like fucking be looking around, you know, but just weirds people out in the office environment. I'm all right with it. I'm staying with that with with how I am. All right. I saw Joe the other night. I had one of my best sets of the fucking year up at the ice house, man. I just had a great

time. I saw Joe the other night and I got to tell you something that man had laser focus when he was talking to me. He didn't break eye contact once. So maybe that shit works. I have no idea. I ain't taking any drugs, man. I do enough time. I do enough fucking damage to myself. Last thing I need to do. Does that make any sense though? I'm playing devil's advocate here. Oh my God, I can't fucking think. Oh, take this pill. And then now you can think straight. All right. And that's straight. All right. And that's it. That's it. Right? No side effect. No, nothing. I just take this and magically I'm fixed. I don't know about that. There always seems to be like this. Like back in the day, old school shit like penicillin, that shit like that seemed to work. But all this

shit since then, I feel like the drugs like they just sort of peaked at some point, you know? And there was no more new drugs to kind of come up with unless they, they fixed something while fucking something else up. Like Rogaine, right? You put that shit on your head, you grow a little bit of hair, and then your kid has like three feet, you know, or whatever your heart starts racing. There was always something. Can't have your cake and eat it. This is what I'm going to let. It's a brand new drug. I'm going to let all you guys take it. All right. And at 10 years from now, and at 10 years from now, you still have laser focus. All right. And your livers are fine. Then maybe I'll think about doing it. But at that point, I'll be,

I'll be pushing 60. So what the fuck do I care? When I'm pushing 60, that's what I'm going to start thinking like, when am I going to feel like I can try heroin only once? I'm going to do that. I'm going to smoke it. You know, I'm fucking with you. I shouldn't say that this, you know, people will actually give me shit about that. I would never fucking try that. How many fucking people got it? That's bad this week to bring that shit up. So I'm not going to anyways, that's the trouble with improv. All right, girlfriend's breath stinks. Dear Billington, the red. I've been I've been seeing my girlfriend for a little over a year now. And if you can tell me your fucking breath has stunk the entire time, I'm really not going to have any sympathy for you.

And I don't know how you fucking bring it. The only way you bring it up now is if you act like it just started. I've been seeing my girlfriend for a little over a year now. We're very much in love and have a great time when we're around each other. However, in the past couple of months, I've noticed every so often her breath stinks. I'm not talking she ate something bad, but some deep seated stench that makes my eyebrow hair burn away. I noticed that her teeth have a certain yellow tint to them that is hard to look away from. It's like a film of American cheese. Oh, Jesus, sorry for the grossest, but that's just the truth. It's not like she doesn't take care of herself. She's very beautiful, responsible. Anyway, she has health insurance,

but not dental and hasn't been to a dentist in three years. Well, take her. Take her. Okay, because she's starting to sound like a woman that lives in a tree in a fucking fable. I think she might have some buildup of tartar or gum disease. Yeah, or something. She needs a deep cleaning to start with. And then they should, if that doesn't work, I would check for some sort of sinus infection. You know, if that doesn't work, you know, I don't know, consult a specialist rather than a comedian doing a podcast. We're going to move out together when I go to my new job, and I'm going to pay for dental insurance when I make the money because everyone should be able to see a dentist, especially as girls. Awesome. Her until that day comes, I want to say something,

but don't not to say it. Obviously, I just can't say honey, your mouth smells like shit. We're very open with each other all the time, but I can't get the balls to tell her to say this. Any suggestion from you or the lovely near would be appreciated. All right. Ah, fuck. I got to get Nia in here for this one. Hang on. Hey, Nia. Nia. Nia. Can you help me on the podcast? I need you to help me answer a question because I can only think of a way to say it in a mean way. Are you just, I don't understand. Shut up. Are you not capable of just pressing pause and coming to get me instead of screaming? Oh, I have shit to do crazy person. I have shit to do. What do you want? I'm watching something. All right. Here we go. This guy's

girlfriend's breath stinks. Okay, I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to go through it really quickly. No, I didn't because I had a sore throat, a raw garlic, and then you wash it down with milk. How gross is that to fucking, you know, to somehow fixtures your sore throat? I don't know. Is it working? No, I feel like I fucking ate a lit cigarette. Anyways, I'm just gonna say it real quick was the only one microphone. So anyways, her breath didn't stink and now of a sudden lately it's just thinking she's noticing a film across her teeth, kind of yellowish. She hasn't seen a dentist in like three years. How does he how does he say, listen, I love you, but your breath stinks. I want to pay for you to go to a dentist. I don't want you

walking around the world. You know, you're going to get a nickname like that's how bad your breath smells. Does she not brush her teeth? No, she does, but she hasn't been to a dentist and why takes care. She might have some tartar built up. The first thing you do is go brushes her teeth every day and she still has all this going on. No, we said there's a yellow film. Yeah, that means she's not brushing her teeth because why would there be a yellow film on her teeth as she brushed her teeth in the morning and then before she went to bed, even if it's once a day, she needs to go see how does he tell it? How does he get her to go to the dentist? Like, okay, okay, you know, how would you say it to me? How would you want me to say it to you if that's if that was going on?

Oh, see, I practice one. Let me practice one. We all know you're going to anyway, so just go ahead. Yes, go ahead. Hey, Nia. No, no, you don't have to get up. You can sit right over there. Stay over there. I love you, but sometimes I like looking at you from across the room. Listen, I'm only telling this because I love you and I would want you to tell me this. It hasn't been, you know, the whole time I've been with you, but at some point in the last six weeks, like, you've had like moments, especially like actually right now, like, I don't know what's going on, but your breath really smells bad. And I, I don't want to be near you. And it kills me to tell you this, but your breath stinks. I think you need to go see a dentist. I

know you don't have dental insurance and I want to pay for it. Okay, because you're too beautiful to be walking around with that rotting smell in your mouth. Do you still love me? I wouldn't be mad at that because I would, I would, if it were you saying that to me, I would laugh at it and I would know that was coming from a good point. You'd be mortified. I would be mortified though. I would be really, really embarrassed, but obviously, you know, if anyone's going to tell me it's going to be the person that has to kiss you and be around you all the time. So yes. Well, then fix it. Fix what I just said. How's, how's, how can you tell it where a lady wouldn't get pissed? I don't know. That's actually not too bad. I don't think, you

know, just that's so hard. I don't. Hey, uh, shit mouth. Why don't you go see a fucking dentist before you kill the houseplants? All right, go eat your pizza. Yeah, I mean, I think that's it. Just be really just brutally honest, but try to do it in a cute, funny way. You know, and just be like, yeah, oh God, that would be so hard. Yeah, you're beautiful. You're too beautiful to be walking around because at least you're throwing in a compliment. Your body and face is a 10. Yeah, mouth's a negative two. We got to get those numbers closer together. How are we going to do this? All right. Can you give me a, can you give me a glass of water? My fucking, I ran out of water. My throat is killing me. I sound like this woman's breath.

All right, good luck with that, sir. All right, let's wrap this up. Body weight exercises, spelled B O O D Y booty weight exercises, Willy Bonbon. I heard in the podcast last week, you like body weight exercise. Me too. Fucking love them. Last year I found a great app with a shitload of great body weight routines. It's called, is this the one app that you invented? This might be free advertising, but I don't care. It's for working out a body weight training. You are your own gym. I think it's about three dollars and it's fan fucking tastic. It was developed by a Navy SEAL fitness trainer and it has four different 10 week programs for different fitness levels. All the workouts are

short and will kick your ass in a good way. Plus a bunch of other goodies. I can't recommend it highly enough and I am not in any way affiliated with the app. It's just a great workout at a great price. No equipment needed, but I recommend picking up a pull up bar. You stick in your door frame for $20, $30 at Target or somewhere. I started using it back in September and in a much better shape because of it. Fucking awesome, dude. While I'm at it, I also recommend a regular full body stretching routine. I've been doing that for months as well and I'm as limba as a whore's clam. That's what he wrote in here. A whore's clam there and for the ladies, I'm as bendable as a drunken Laos's whiskey dick there, kid. See that? He was trying to, he was trying to do one for the

women. Yeah. Like a, like a noodle dick, you know, when there's no blood in the dick, he can bend it. Let me, let me ask you, if he's talking about how great and how in shape he is, why would he ever compare himself to a limp dick? Women sucking the coming out of everything for over a hundred years. All right. Take this. What is it? It's a fucking Ricola. Oh, Ricola. All right. By the way, no recent study I read about in health showed that two best, the two best things you can do before bed to get a good night's sleep is stretch and visualize. What are you jerking off after you fucking touch your toes? I'm sorry. That's so fucking childish and I love it. So I often stretch and then do a guided visual

meditation from YouTube before bed. What? Doesn't mean you're watching a video. Do you think I took it to a weird place there? I didn't. These guided meditations are corny, but they're great. Super relaxing. Hope this is, is info is useful to you and my fellow MMPC brothers and sisters. Be well. You know something? I don't know. I think that makes a lot of sense. I might try that. You know what I used to do when I was doing the helicopter lessons, which I'm going back to my final six and match before I test for my license here. I was having problems with auto rotations and I just sat there visualizing doing them, but not closing my eyes. I was just like my minute at the end of the bed pretending I was in there and the next day I did them. I was

much better. So maybe there's something to that. I have no idea. He said, be well miniature version of animal. Dear Bill. Okay. Miniature version of animal. Here we go. I think this is the last one here. If you could have a smaller version of a normally large animal, what would it be? Ideally it would be trained and you'd have it as a pet signed weird roommate. Well, it couldn't kill me. I love animals too much to ever make a wild animal a pet. So what would I have? I'd have a miniature version of my dog Cleo. So even when it flipped out, when I dressed up like a drummer, I wouldn't have to worry about it killing me.

That's a lame answer. I'd have a miniature gorilla. That's what I would have miniature gorilla, right? And I do pull ups as it climbed the tree looking at me like, why can't you go all the way up? And I'd be like, because I'm human miniature gorilla. The fuck's wrong with you? Then we'd smoke some weed, man. That's a weed fucking question. Man, if you could, if you could have any animal miniature, what would you have? I'd have an alligator man and I'd have a clip my toenails, dude. All right, old Billy Redface. First off, go fuck yourself. Second, I'm having some issues with my roommate. I'm in college and share a campus apartment with one roommate. My question is, how do you motivate someone to be

more considerate? You can't. I grew up in a house with brothers and sisters, so I try to respect other people and those who I live with for the most part. My roommate, on the other hand, doesn't do dishes, doesn't take out the garbage and doesn't even change the toilet paper when we're out of it. I've asked him to do it, do the above mentioned nicely. And he gave up on it pretty quickly. He doesn't even say what's up or make eye contact when he walks in the door. I'm not trying to be a douche, but at what, at what time do you think I should take a shit on his bed now or later? Thanks. I don't think you need any help. I think you're mentally moving in the right direction. You know, there's got to be, you don't have communal dishes, right? That'll start using

yours. You know, you're gonna have to drop this guy at some point. This is what you do. Next time he doesn't flush the toilet. I would just stick his pillow in the toilet. I mean, I think that what else are you going to do? Put his pillow back on the fucking bed. I had a roommate like that. I had a roommate like that. We almost came to blows. And though when you live him with an animal, you live him with an animal and that's just like, you're just going to have to tough it out for the rest of the semester and get somebody different. And here's the deal. Just know that some he's that's the type of guy that's probably going to get divorced or he's going to marry an unbelievably understanding woman. I fucking hate guys like

that. I never that whole fucking, you know, you know, that stereotype of how on a guy's apartment looks like they just slice a pizza between the cushions. Fucking and I never was like that. Why the fuck would you want to live like that? Never did that. I remember when I was living in New York, right? I had this roommate and you know, from day one, if I did, you know, if I dirty some dishes and he had a few in there, I did mine and I did his, you know, if I took out the trash a couple of times in a row, I didn't give a fucking, you know what? He immediately was the same way. I showed him respect. He showed me respect. We got along fucking great. Right. I fucking move out. Other dude moves in and all of a sudden all the harmony goes away.

He starts telling me what a fucking asshole the other guy is. And I read it took me a while to realize this like no dude, you were the fucking asshole and you pissed this guy was a respectful guy. If you showed him respect, he took out the trash too without asking. He actually hooked you up, took me a minute to figure out the math on that one. So you just got a bad roommate. And when you live with an animal, you got to treat him like it, you know, gotta hose him down. I don't know what you do. Just break one of his glasses in front of him. Just say let's just start throwing out his dishes. Go look, I'm not going to wash them. So I'm just going to put your dishes in the trash. Okay, which is ridiculous. And then it'll be like why go because I'm not your fucking bitch.

Do your dishes your fucking animal. I would literally take it. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if you can take this guy, but like, I don't know. That's making me go back to an angry place in my life. So I'm not gonna give you any more advice. Don't do that. Don't bring it to violence. Don't stick his pillow in the toilet. Don't do that. It's a short time in your fucking life. You'll get a better roommate. But just you learn a lot of lessons with this cunt. And even you go to meet a woman, you know, check out her fucking apartment, see how she lives. Alright, and don't do a one and done either. See how she is over time. She's a fucking there's nothing worse than a messy woman. They have way more shit than any guy could ever have. Just imagine all your fucking male

roommate shit, just multiply the amount of sneakers he has times 20 fucking pairs of shoes, all that makeup and crap. Fucking animals. I used to clean bathrooms in when I worked in this restaurant. And you'd think the guy's bathroom would have been dirtier. The fucking woman's bathroom, I swear to God, it looked like there was a ticker tape parade and then somebody shit all over it. It's a fucking water all over the place. It was like, what the fuck are they doing in here? Maybe because they have to sit down to pee, they would just build a nest. I don't know what it was. It was just an ungodly amount of toilet paper all over the fucking place. And they were getting dolled up in there. And that was just Oh, God, it was a fucking

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