Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-25-21

Episode Date: February 26, 2021

Bill rambles about competing vaccines, hosts, and classic music recordings.

with a trip to Sarila's where romance finds fantasy while flowers are blooming outside. Bring them inside with a hugely popular rose toy from NS novelties described as small but mighty. The rose is 25% off this month at Sarila's along with all in a novelties afterwards slip into something as sexy as you're feeling with a huge selection of lingerie in petite to plus size shop Sarila's in Indianapolis with six area locations and in Anderson or shop online anytime at Sarila's.com. Hey what's going on it's Bill Byrne it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before

Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you just checking in to see how your week's going we're coming out of it man I can feel it restaurants are starting to open up people are sitting together breathing out each other but maybe they got vaccine vaccine vaccinated maybe they got vaccinated I have no idea I just know that I'm up soon I'm up soon and it's like what are you gonna go with the vaccine you're going with coca pepsi you're gonna go Johnson and Johnson or fucking Freddy's got fingered whatever the fuck the other one's called let's look up now let's just let's just add to the misinformation out here let's have a non fucking almost said chemist non vaccine person Johnson Johnson

and Johnson do you know that they're they've that company was sold a long time ago but the kids that are all relatives of the first Johnson and Johnson they still get fucking money and they sit around like fucking just raking it in you know every time you got a bunion they make up they make enough money to buy another canvas to put on their easel pretend they know how to paint you know some some giant mansion out on Long Island I forget it's a long story all right Johnson and Johnson vaccine verse the Pfizer on the Pfizer yeah once you were ticked it's and you will be alright with the Fiora all right Pfizer versus Johnson and Johnson same sex couple versus the Fiora let's okay comparing three COVID-19 this is the first

one that comes up and it's on statnews.com and it's in the health comparing the COVID-19 vaccines developed by Pfizer Moderna Moderna and Johnson and Johnson fucking deal with it we're here we're queer we're staying together um in an ideal world a pandemic vaccine could be delivered in a single shot so supplies could be stretched to cover a lot of people oh yeah that would be ideal you'd only have to take it once it would trigger no side effect more significant than a sore arm it would be easy to ship and store soon it seems this ideal of the COVID-19 vaccine will be in will be within reach last Friday Johnson and Johnson we support you announced that a one-dose vaccine being developed by its vaccine division Janssen

had been this is making me some of these names man let's take me back to world war two and what they tried to do there had been shown to be 66 protective against moderate to severe COVID infection in a multicultural multi-country study but importantly it was 85 effective in preventing against severe disease and there was no hospitalizations or death among the people in the vex vaccine arm of a large clinical trial overall efficacy varied a bit geographically you know what i'm not reading this that's too much brain power for this time in the morning let's talk about the Celtics I'm gonna get mine in March is what I'm gonna do what I'm just gonna wait you know see if anybody from February and January

had any weird side effects I'm just that's what I'm gonna do I'm doing it for you young people I'm gonna use myself as a getting pick I might as well right I still smoke the occasional cigar I did plenty of damage to my liver I love all these people I'm not taking the fucking vaccine and they're sitting eating fucking ho ho's and tv dinners like they're not already poisoning themselves yeah but here's the difference I decide I decide what toxins I put in my body this is my temple and if I want to spray graffiti all over the inside that's gonna be my choice um all right people it's black history month so as a white person I think I need to confess about something this is how white I am last night I was watching the Celtics of course right there

really white thing to do um and they're playing the Atlanta Hawks right so I'm sitting there and I'm watching the game I turned it on like the third quarter I got a little busy and uh we were getting the shit kicked out of us we were down by like 20 battle to the end as all Celtic teams do and uh I'm watching it and at one point somebody on our team fouled one of the Hawks right and the Hawks go to the line first of all I put the fucking game on and it's the NBA now it's like you know the Celtics are green and white they're wearing like gray and green and the Atlanta Hawks are like red white and yellow and they're wearing like all black and then somebody's got like lime green sneakers on it's just like the colors are just out the

fucking window I just think now they're just like listen we got the graphics so you know who the fuck's playing and then we're just gonna create 97 jerseys so you know some so all of our jerseys will match all the different colors of all the Jordan ones that's that's my thing but I'm an old guy so I I still go buy colors my eyesight is bad I can't fucking read you know at a distance or even up close I mean I'm there I'm I'm a fucking mess so I'm sitting there I'm watching the game so one of the Celtics follows one follows one of the Hawks so the Hawkeye goes to the line and they do a close-up of them like a three-quarter shot not to get old Hollywood but that's what it was basically you know from about mid chest up and I see on

his jersey it said MLK and in my white brain I was going like wait they're playing Milwaukee I thought they were playing Atlanta and then I looked and I saw on the thing it's like Celtics versus Atlanta I was like I'm I was like oh fuck black history month Martin Luther King it's a bad that's how fucking white I am because you know sometimes Atlanta has like ATL so I thought Milwaukee was trying to be cool like do you remember like in the 2000s there was that horrible time where everybody tried to give their city a nickname like Pittsburgh became the Berg Cleveland was the land and the one of the worst ever Boston I remember you get emails hey Bill

when are you coming up to the bean I'm so glad that seemed like that faded away anyway so I thought that that's what Milwaukee was doing I thought that they were stealing from Atlanta because you know Atlanta's basically considered a really cool place there's all the all the rap stars there hot Lana all the beautiful women all of this I mean it's a fucking fun place to go to right so and then you know who gets excited about Milwaukee I do I get excited about Milwaukee because I'm super white I love Milwaukee it's like Chicago without all the people you can still get a wonderful home right on Lake Michigan and not have to deal with all the fucking prices down there in Chicago and you're close enough if you want to go to Chicago you know you

want to get fucked up you know you spend a little money for a fucking SUV ride all the way down there and yeah you're good to go so anyways my apologies my apologies I actually I told that story like three comedian friends that I knew I of course called Keith Robinson and I hadn't let him know and he oh my god he read me the riot act I don't have the message on me but there was so many get it together Bill is what he kept saying to me so anyway um Celtics lost another one so we've lost to the pelicans we've looked at 20 something point lead then we lost to the maps um and then we lost to the Hawks um and I gotta tell you this is becoming one of those times where asshole sports riders from the east coast what they love to do is fuck over the local home team because they don't

care about the local home team they pretend like they do but if you look at a lot of them they're not from that area so they're just writing sports shit so their job is to stir shit up and try to find controversy where there is no controversy and then they try to like you know sell papers so get people to read their fucking blog so I'm starting to feel like there's going to be people start asking like is Brad Stevens the guy he is the guy and I'm calling it right now the Celtics in the next five years are going to win a title three or five years they're going to win a title um and I have faith in Danny Ainge and Brad Stevens it's just right now we're just going through a rough patch just like in life you know sometimes you go through a little bit of a

rough patch but you know you don't just fucking quit and join the fucking warriors you know or join the the the Yankees and send David Wells to the fucking Toronto and then you start riding around like you know like you just did something sorry um yeah you write it out you write it out anyway so I've been reading this book the verbally abusive relationship and how to recognize it something like that and I gotta be honest with you man I picked up this book being like all right when I read this book I'm just gonna be like yep I know that person this is this person in my life and when I was a kid yep yep that checks all the boxes I'm a victim right and I read that thing and all I'm seeing is me

um yeah I do a lot of the shit in there I don't do it as bad as the people before me but I still fucking do it so I uh it's really been this uh amazing book to read and like you know like whenever you I we did an episode about this on efforts for family where you where when you when you um say you confront somebody about some bullshit they did to you right and you know and you waited a while because you know you didn't know how to maybe do it in the moment or you didn't even understand how fucked up it was and then you got some more information or somebody told you a story where something happened to them and what they did and all the sudden you're like holy shit that happened to me and I didn't say anything so by the time

you come to them what do they always say what I never did that or like oh that was just a joke are you too sensitive I didn't realize that that was being like abusive because then you're like gaslighting the other person so one of the things that I I realized that I do is like my wife will be talking about you know being in show business and stuff and how difficult it is and and that they don't let you do this and they don't let you do that and whenever I hear it it makes me upset I'm just like both that that's like the wrong way to look at this shit they don't let me do this they don't let me do it fuck them fuck everybody just go do what you want to do and just keep doing it and if it's good people will notice they'll come there and when they come there everybody

else will have to fucking deal with you you know stop fucking sitting there like whining and shit right it's me trying to be uplifting so for years she told me she goes well not not everybody is wired like you and um and I was like I wasn't wired like me when I came in you know I fucking you know I learned to be like that right and I kind of realized what I've read in this book was just like well I wasn't like letting other people go on the same journey it's just like I already figured it out over fucking 30 years in this business get to where I am now or quit your whining you know being like that so interestingly enough last and Lenny has been watching this show on PBS where they take all these famous people

in the public eye socialites what have you whatever the fuck you call them and um they they do like their their DNA thing to find out like you know about their ancestry right so I'm watching it last night and it was funny like they had this this uh this white dude I forget what his name I don't not remember anybody's name right so he's sitting there and the guy the host african-american guy is reading them all this shit and he's just going like wow oh man that's that's that's crazy then they go okay at this point you had you had a relative that got like abducted and uh during I don't want to get too into this because you're gonna figure out who it is because I don't want to make fun of these people but it was just interesting me

he never went deeper than wow that's crazy it was funny because I could kind of see the host trying to pull emotion out of him how does that make you feel he says I mean that's just I mean that I mean it's crazy he sounded like you know you know those douchey fucking hipster ice cream places where you go there and it's just like this has this has like lemon halls uh peppermint stick and it's just like why the fuck would you stick that in ice cream well try it and they give you that little douchey wooden spoon and everybody's like oh that's interesting it's like watching somebody do like do a fucking one of those reviews of a cigar I've I've overspoken that about that a lot of it I hate

cigar reviews like I'm I'm getting hints of cocoa there's some chocolate oh oh oh I think a goat walked by this plant we get it you have a sensitive palate just smoke the thing you're fucking attic you're just like me so anyway um so then they went and they did uh Pharrell Williams they did his right and with all the black people on the show they go it like it just immediately is just obviously insane because of the history they find out with his they found out all the way back to not only his relatives that were slaves there was a painting of the slave owner and the guy goes all right on the next page you're gonna see the white man that owns your ancestors and they turned the page and it was like whoever painting

this picture did not like this guy or this guy was truly the most evil person on the fucking planet I mean this guy looked like it looked like a painting from a haunted house and he literally had to like leave the interview at one point and come back a month later to finish it and uh so I was watching that whole thing and I was just like wow this is and then you listen to like white people go like do the exact same thing from that fucking verbally abusive thing like oh that was a long time ago you know there was the potato family you know everybody went through stuff like not validating it and not giving any sort of closure and the whole thing just like the whole thing just that book and watching that the whole thing came together so um I don't know if you're a white person

and you're fucking open-minded and you actually want to try to learn like it was one of the most educational things I've ever watched um and I don't know whenever I go and I watch stuff like that anything from watching kids bully kids to like hardcore like concentration camp slavery and all that I always say the same thing I just say I fucking hate people um I don't know why I say that but I just do I just fucking just the level that the shit that we are capable of and I'm throwing myself in there too is uh is why I don't like there it is that's why I don't believe in a higher power I just don't that he would make human beings that or she you know he was funny is is is like this is the this is the god that would women go

like god's a female like that's a great argument oh yeah so she's the one responsible for serial killers and slave owners no our god is responsible for the daffodils um I guess there's something to say about the yin and the yang of good and evil a good day versus a bad day because how could you appreciate stuff you know if everything was just great all the time it would just be normal and you would sort of flat line you know which is why the concept of heaven never made sense to me where it's just every day you're in heaven it's like all right wouldn't that get boring after a while you never stub you don't even stub your toe anymore just every day you're just sitting there this great I mean it's great it's amazing thousand fucking days in great yeah I told you it's fucking

great oh here comes Jesus again I got it buddy you're happy that I'm here I'm happy to be we're all happy my fucking face hurts from smiling does it ever rain here um yeah but I I you know now that I brought that up I should give you the name of this thing PBS show let me spike PBS show ancestry finding your roots uh with Henry Lewis Gates I'm telling you and if you can find the one uh the one that I was just talking about um I mean it's it's ridiculously moving um and and unbelievably educational so I highly recommend that all right so plowing ahead here let's talk about something positive and that I got to some of

the darkest behaviors of human beings um so my kid right now is absolutely she has the balanced bike down it's and I cannot describe the feeling as a dad to see your kid learn how to balance on a bike because she's not with the pedals yet but she's just right there she's at the point now we have a little hill in the driveway she can go from the hill in the driveway all the way to the garage which is probably like 30 yards and before like literally last week all she could do is maybe like we you know we have like the concrete so and there's like square concrete she could go like a square and a half and then the big squares right so I was kind of doing like you know this one of those things fell off like those little green things from a palm tree fell off so I just would

put it down say you went this far let's see if you can go to this you know you just turn everything into a game for him right so um I took her to a couple of parks where she could really just go around and you know just played this game you know she likes me to like just pretend like I'm talking and I'm hanging out and all of a sudden she almost runs over my toes and I flip out and I scream like she's gonna run over and I you know I get way in front of her and then I stop I go you better stop don't run over dad's feet she thinks it's the funniest thing ever and meanwhile she doesn't understand that she's going faster and she's starting to glide and all that stuff because she's just laughing having a good time right so yesterday the whole thing just clicked and I got

it on video and everything and I swear to god I'm telling you man it's it's the the greatest experience I've had as other than just literally becoming a dad is seeing her figure that thing out the look on on a kid's face when they get it it's like they learned how to fly it's fucking unreal so I'm now going to now what I have to do is the bigger bike and what's so funny is look look how resistant on this little level I was to change where you can go back on my podcast when I just go off on the balance like this bike I bought where it would not let you put training wheels on it you know and they were like you know training wheels are actually detrimental to blah blah blah blah and the fact that they took what you know what is I just don't

like being controlled and I didn't understand that the bike that I bought because I didn't read I was just like you know she wants a blue bike blue there's blue bike buy blue bike right and then it comes I'm like oh what the fuck you know I didn't even read anything just classic me classic me classic me lashing out being verbally abusive towards the balance bike people with not even knowing what I'm bitching about that's going to be on my fucking headstone so now now I get it you just you put the you take the pedals off the fucking thing it's a balance bike and a bike you just don't have the pedals on it so now I'm just going to have her get on that thing and what I have to teach her now is uh is that the handbrake she's got to learn how to do

that and like pedal and all that but what's great is with the balance bike is their instinct when they start to tip over is to put their feet down which is the saving grace so the exact thing that I was really yelling about was I love my kid I don't want her to fall down and get hurt uh was what I was really worried about and as it comes out of me it's me screaming yelling which of course makes you guys laugh so I can't totally cure that of me or as much as this podcast we'll turn into that um what was that character Stuart Smalley and that's okay so um I got a few days off here which I can't believe I'm just gonna hang with the family and uh do a little barbecue and um I'm gonna see if I can get her on the uh the bigger green bike

I'm so friggin excited for it but I'm also also trying not to uh rush her or anything like that so we're gonna do a little drive uh later on this weekend a little family drive and uh I've gotten her into this different kind of music where if you want your kid to get into acdc and they're young the song that really got her into it was uh on dirty deeds there's a song called uh dirty deeds done dirt cheap is the album the american album anyways and um there's a song called uh I'm a rocker it's a really fast kind of silly song and it's crazy energy and stuff and she always says that she goes dad why acdc thinks so crazy why why do you think so crazy that I was just going well you know they're a little nuts that band you know that's that's five lunatics

and they go crazy and they make 80 000 people go crazy every night it's a great thing so um so I'm putting together a little playlist for her you know Nia has her music and I have my music so she's listening to you know I'm just going like real simple basic rock stuff so it's 38 special hold on loosely uh acdc I'm a rocker and then I'm gonna have her play I'm playing that uh Joan Jett I love rock and roll and uh I'm kind of hoping if she watches a video because Joan Jett is like one of the you know most badass rock stars ever it can maybe make her interested in guitar or whatever I'm just you know I'm not forcing influences but I'm definitely doing little passing shots shooting a few across the bow to see if she turns her head and follows

it we'll see um so I downloaded that song and I never noticed that that song it's it's uh it's a really interesting song if you listen to the production on it it's first of all it's it's three bars of four and then one bar of three um which I never noticed which is why in the end when they're singing they chop off a word that I love rock and roll put another diamond in the jukebox baby I love put another diamond I love rock right they they skip one that's that's the that's three which is basically as you're just taking one quarter note away I guess I don't want to get a little technical shit but then if you also listen to the track it sounds like a drum machine it sounds like uh uh is it Rick Rubin who did all like the LL Cool J and um

Beastie Boy shit in the beginning it sounds like one of his tracks before he was making music and I I would was wondering if he was involved in it or or if he was too young because I remember he kind of he made it real young like he was in like NYU making beats and everything and then he was in that whole downtown village Tribeca scene and shit like I read that Beastie Boy's book like what that whole part of New York used to be like after dark it just seemed like sort of this no man's land of like just young creative people and um but anyways I think uh if you listen to the track there's like a number of things like almost like the whole riff sounds like a loop and if it isn't it's incredible guitar playing because it sounds so everything even like

Joan Jets ow that she does sounds like the like the exact same one they just kept dropping it in and I was talking to a buddy of mine Dave Kushner who does all the music for Efface for Family and he goes he goes no he goes I don't think he goes back then they recorded on tape that would have been really hard to do all of that but just have a listen there's something about that song where it almost seems it feels like one of those original um as far as the rap music that I heard in my white cul-de-sac the first shit that I heard um it sounds like one of those tracks with like rock guitar over it um and I just thought it was going to be like this simple song and I was listening to it and I just kept listening to it over and oh I started playing drums to it like oh whatever and

then the beat turned around I'm like what the fuck just happened there I was like oh shit I did I never even noticed that I used to sing along to the song too and towards the end we had to chop off uh the roll of rock and roll or whatever the fuck you have to do to get back on the one I never noticed that and then that's like it's a genius fucking track because uh one of the big things especially with any sort of like you know a big record label was they want basically wanted everything in four and if you did anything in odd time they would freak out being like no it's not going to be a hit like that's going to fuck people up and they're not going to know what's going on so these these artists got so good get so good at it that you know some regular

mouth breathing dope like me wouldn't even notice that there was one bar of what's in this country considered odd time anything that's not in four um not saying that there's not songs in three four but if they would have it in three four they they the whole song would be in three four and everyone would just sort of sway and it was always about like a fucking a ship you know what I mean anytime like I don't know why anytime fucking there's some rule in music anytime you would write a song about being at sea it had to be you know in that stupid fucking piano man's in three all those baby boomers just swaying back and forth pretending we're on a booze boat

and he said man what are you doing here it was it's a really if you're like a fucking music nerd like myself um you should check it out oh another thing too I forget the name of the I think let me I I got one of the coolest fucking drum books um and it's all of this shit that uh it's all this shit that I've wanted to learn history of the let me see if this is right oh here it is I got a killer drum book uh get the breakbeat bible um if you're just into like any funk shit any sort of like um all that cool ghost note shit all that shit that came out of like all the way back to little Richard into James Brown all of this stuff from the 70s and then what hip hop did with those samples and all of that

like this is the fucking book to get and and it's like you can take all of your influences with this shit and and try to spin it in some sort of different direction it's a uh an incredible book and recently I've just sort of been listening to um I love the 70s drum sound right and um I've just been like wanting to rather than go on like iTunes which is the one that I use um I don't want to just go there and just get like the like Ohio players you know been listening to them which I was always a frustrating band for me to listen to because I always like I just felt like the way they mixed the bass and the drums it was so like on top of each other my ears just weren't good enough to um you know to hear like what they were doing and the drummer this guy

James Diamond Williams is was is an incredibly accomplished player and was I had to think like a jazz background and he throws some fucking shit in there he's got a killer foot and he has amazing uh licks that he'll throw in that make no sense as far as like if you want to hit they usually don't become like that complex but anyway rather than just knowing like the the hits like fire or skin tight or whatever it's like I want to go back and fucking listen to all the B side shit so I want to I want to get the albums like I did that with Joan Jett it's like I don't want to get I love rock and roll off the greatest hits I want to get the album that this came off off of in 1981 um and I've been doing that with them and I also got into Casey in the Sunshine Band

and uh in just the way they marketed him it was really interesting that the the whole thing so much of this stuff is just about dancing and fucking it was just all like a party and like how that sort of like caught on like post watergate post the Vietnam War everybody's just like let's just do some blow fucking dance and bang each other and just be whoever the fuck you want to be I don't know what but there's a cover of this album I gotta see if I can find it oh I think I downloaded got it on my phone it's one of the funniest fucking like album album covers I've ever seen where it looks like he's being rocketed to the sky right it's uh the name of the song I downloaded was I the one was K-PASA and the other was do you want to go party and uh it's often 1979 album

I literally have to take a picture of the album this is how bad my eyes are now take a picture of the album why does it linger on the phone for so long like I'm going to do some photoshop shit to it when are they going to realize I don't have those skills okay do you want to go party Casey in the sunshine band and it's the lead singer whose last name was Casey CASEY his first name was like Henry or Herbert or something like that so why don't you just go by Casey um he's sitting on like a cork that's just popped off a bottle right like the like the like the the fucking sex metaphor here he's he's riding it and there's a woman in front like right in front of him it looks like he's he's banging her but they got clothes on and uh he's obviously

getting ready to bust his nut right and he's there's a big orange sort of I would think the moon maybe that's a weird night or something but it looks like the sun and he's shooting up and this came out in 1979 right before disco ended and his career was going to take a massive change so it looks like he's being shot into the stratosphere I'm sure that's what they thought but the way music history went he was really being just shot over the hill like you're like it's the time for this music and this this band it's time you know we're getting you out of here you're being escorted out and now all this fucking new wave and all this other shit's gonna come and it's really interesting um so anyway sorry I'm just babbling on this fucking

podcast I'm already 34 minutes in I haven't even told you the story about solo in a helicopter the other day I had this fucking great flight like um I've gotten back into trying to get my instrument rating I've cleared all my schedule and I'm just I'm fucking doing it after this little vacation here three-day thing here I'm doing it by family but um so you know I'm a really obviously cautious pilot and everything and um you know I like to be like totally overly overly overly like ready to solo but then still do 10 more lessons with an instructor so that's where I was at right and it was a nice day and I came up I I pre-flighted the helicopter and I ran to my instructor at the airport he was hanging out with this other guy and he goes so you're gonna

take it up in solitude I was like you know I don't know I kind of got some stuff to do and then the guy's with he goes go do it now's the time go do it get over the hump or else you're never gonna do it and I was like all right he's right he's right you know I gotta get my confidence up so I went out you know the helicopter I fly I have like a little four-wheeler and it's on a little helipad I take it out of the hangar I bring it all the way out and uh you know the big thing is for me it's it's nothing about taking off flying around and landing it's the it's the helipad thing I my whole time flying I've always just set it on the ground the ground is very forgiving it's the fucking earth it's kind of hard to miss the earth you know and when you set it down you're not gonna

if you can't fall off the earth as much as flat earthers think you can but when you're setting it on a helipad there is a finite space for you to put this thing in there's the four-wheeler and the little tow hitch and it's only like I mean it looks like it's right there like you're parking behind a fucking car and when you get over the helipad if you hover there too long close to the pad what's called in-ground effect is you swirl all the air and it causes the helicopter to become unstable you got to do a lot of stuff with your feet to try to keep the tail straight you know and the nose pointed forward and set it down what you really want to do you know is just sort of becoming in in this really really slow descent and just almost like drive it on to it so anyway I

brought the thing out you know I took my time I did the whole pre-flight I did the whole thing just made just meticulous I'm learning all the names other parts all of this stuff I brought the thing out I got her fueled up you know I did everything just did everything by the book and lifted her up you know she went a little bit to the left but I was able to recover it quickly nothing crazy because I made sure that I got her light on the skids and I sort of adjusted the trim so I could bring her up in a nice controlled way backed away from the pad you know I'd already made my radio call and was cleared for takeoff and I just sort of you know made sure my tail was clear brought it over took off from the actually taxiway and I was off and I had this amazing flight

flew all the way out to bracket and which is just west of Ontario and they have this little pad in the north side and I just went there and I just practice pickups and set downs and the first few were rough and I just kept picking it up doing a clearing turn to the right and just setting it down just over and over and over again till I got it down where I could set it down like a daisy then I requested straight out departure right and I fucking went back to the airport I had everything down I was listening to the aides because I have to go through an airport airspace and then immediately in the next airspace where I want to land I won't have time the aides is just the information so you know what runway where the winds are blowing and all that shit so

called the tower everything was great I came in for a landing one oh I know I fucked up was I was I got like all the latest technology on this thing so I can actually monitor while listen one frequency while listening to the other so I was going through the airspace of one where I had to make the call to get permission to transition their airspace and I was listening to the aides of the airport because I wasn't going to have time because the second I was out of their airspace I'm in the other one and I have to ask for permission to land and I have to tell them that I listened to the information and I know what the fuck is going on right so I was monitoring that which is a great feature and when I went when I was done I then

cleared out that frequency and put in the frequency for the next airport what I didn't shut off was the monitoring device so when I came into the airspace of the place I was going to land I was also still listening to the other airport's airspace and as I was cleared the land I was coming in and I heard them clear somebody to take off and it was the same numbers is the runway and they were coming the other way and I was like what the fuck but you know it was just for like half a second and so I just sort of cheated over to the where the uh what do you call it I just cheated over to the taxiway just in case and then I went like oh my fucking idiot it was this little half a second thing but I stayed calm I figured it out

I also made the move in case the air traffic controller for some reason forgot that I was coming in and he decided that you know the wind changed that quickly that they're becoming at me so I was like okay learned that you know you learn something every time right so then I came in landed and then I was like all right here we go big boy time let's set it down on the pad right so I came in and because I did all of that work I came in I just set it right down on the pad everything went great and then you know what's hilarious was I didn't have the four-wheeler and gear so me just sort of driving it on I landed on it and the four-wheeler started to move with the with the fucking helipad and me on it like a jerk off but you know the weight of the

helicopter stopped it like immediately it only rolled like three feet but I was sitting there going like am I really gonna have to lift up back off the helipad set this fucking thing down shut it off go over put that fucking thing in gear I would have looked like a complete jerk off but that's just shit that you learned so I had it in neutral just because it's an old four-wheeler it's kind of that's the only way you can start is if it's in neutral it's a pain in the ass and I put the the things to make sure it didn't roll I put them under the tires of the four-wheeler rather than the helipad and I learned that that was a mistake because the four-wheeler because can just roll right up and over them so other than that it went great and this story is really

just for other pilots out there because everybody else you know they're gonna be like oh dude you're gonna fucking die and all this dumb shit that they say and one of the great things I ever learned it said that basically aviation is it's as safe as you are so I know I made a couple mistakes there but it was wasn't like major shit it's more like you know if you're not gonna pre-flight something and you're not gonna look at TFRs and you're not gonna fucking see what the weather is you're just gonna go out there you know and then fly like a fucking idiot and not you know basically do all this shit they told you not to do yeah you're not gonna have a good day but I can tell you this without a doubt having someone who's done both there's nothing more dangerous than driving

down the fucking highway in Los Angeles it's absolutely fucking terrifying terrifying and I know that they have all this crazy technology now but if you you look what the fuck happened to Tiger Woods I mean that could just happen um and it's like you're up in the air there's nobody up there I mean there's people up there but I can actually see where the fuck they are and we're all talking to each other it's infinitely more safer I can't even tell you about how much safer do you pre-flight your fucking car before you fucking go drive it before you drive in 80 90 miles an hour in the left lane and what if your fucking engine just quit and then you're sitting there and there's some douche right behind you you know I don't know I just think the probability

of of getting hurt it's my own thing I just hate that I have to defend such a fun thing to do warm things up this spring with a trip to cerilas where romance finds fantasy while flowers are blooming outside bring them inside with a hugely popular rose toy from ns novelties described as small but mighty the rose is 25 off this month at cerilas along with all ns novelties afterwards slip into something as sexy as you're feeling with a huge selection of lingerie in petite to plus size shop cerilas in indianapolis with six area locations and in anderson or shop online anytime at cerilas dot com um all right let's do uh what do we got here liquid death we got a new this is not booze this is the exact opposite all right sad fact

if we don't get plastic production under control plastic pollution will outweigh fish by 2050 i'm gonna read that again how crazy it is if we don't get plastic pollution under control plastic pollution will outweigh fish by 2050 okay if you want to talk about an abusive relationship is these corporations what they're doing to the environment and and and they're fucking put on everybody's goddamn throat i don't know what their endgame is they for some reason cannot see beyond the next quarter um anyways by now everyone knows you're supposed to drink lots of water do we do it no i certainly don't so many of us go through life dehydrated by the time you feel thirsty you've needed water for a while um look at that i just had a weird hiccup there you needed

a weird hiccup there you need it for a while feeling thirsty chug one liquid death actually helps you drink i heard you're not supposed to do that like you're not supposed to just chug the water you're supposed to you know but i guess they're liquid death you fucking chug this shit liquid death actually helps you drink water uh easier to chug no more cap so you just have to finish it this is these guys are like militant and they're fucking belief that you need to drink water um well don't you see a bunch of bottled water is not finished with no cap on it and there's a cap sit next to it i don't know if you guys i like that how committed these guys are to get you these women or whoever to get you hydrated the water is a hundred percent mountain water from

the alps none of that processed tap water like most of the major bottling brands tapped at the sources purified while keeping a hundred percent of the original mineral profile by minerals we mean electrolytes oh so electric lights are an actual thing uh that the kind that murder your thirst instantly the brand death to plastic um oh so these guys i you know they're getting you hydrated and they're against plastic i fucking love these guys we need more companies like these guys this this right here you don't like about a company like this this gives me fucking hope all right because you can't face corporations head on you got to go covert you got to come from underneath you need to support a new fucking company like this so you now you know what's

going to happen all these plastic corporations they're going to start circling they're going to start throwing mountains of coke whores and money at these guys to try to buy their fucking brand get it at Whole Foods 7 11 or if you've been to texas recently you can get it at Walmart joke about how the can looks like a beer well it does it does it looks like uh i don't know what i've spent so long since i drank for some reason i'm thinking natty light there get two free cookies with your first order of any case of water at liquiddeath.com slash burr just hit up their merch store add the koozie oh you get two free koozies it's like why are they writing cookies with the k this thing was spelled k-o-o-k-i-e-s it's koozies add the koozie two pack you want

and you get it free with your first case well that's a two koozie i don't want the fuck cookies and koozies you're getting something only at liquiddeath.com slash burr i'm getting that shit i'm getting that shit all right i was actually trying one year when i went on the road to try to not drink any more plastic bottles of water and i was bringing my thermos out there because i was thinking the places i was performing at would have a bubbler or at least the hotel to try and lessen my like you ever lined up all the bottles of water that i drank and probably didn't finish on acting gigs and fucking uh other things like that um wow i would be uh yeah i think at this point we all need to go out in the ocean and take some of our plastic back

what do you do with it i was always thinking that it'd be amazing if you could just somehow get all of the pollution that we've created right and just put it on a spaceship and then send it towards the sun but then you know what happened would it would burn up and then would be like this fucking this gas and it would just be out there and the scientists would be like once there is a one and four billion chance that by september of next year sorry just watched uh dr strangelove once we will come through it we will breathe in all of our old plastic water bottles this could cause craziness all right i have to get out of here i got to go back inside all right so that's it you guys uh let's see what did i recommend yeah the break

beat bible if you're a drummer uh and the pbs show ancestry and uh what was that i'll give you the name of that book that i'm reading which is really helping me out it was funny i thought i was going to get to blame a bunch of people and i'm actually realizing i i have yet more work to do on myself the verbally there it is it's called the verbally abusive relationship i got the expanded edition because i'm really fucked up the third edition for any other lunatics out there all right that's it go fuck yourself have a great weekend your cunts and uh that's it i'll talk to you later go broans go Celtics go fuck yourself uh

hey what's going on it's bill bird it's the monday morning podcast from monday february 25th 2013 how's it going um i'm still in boston my my record is still fucked up so just bear with me there's gonna be one more week but i promise i plugged in my laptop so they won't be the fan sound this week at least i got rid of that right it's uh snowing out here i'm sitting in a hotel room i got the oscars on in the background not because i want to watch him neah was just watching him i told her to go downstairs to the bar while i do this um i'd like to have her on the podcast but it's gonna sound like shit it sounds like shit with one person forget about two um i don't know i don't know i would i just you know i was all psyched to do this stupid podcast and i had the

sound down on the tv and i saw barbara strissand and i was like holy shit is she's singing i know she notoriously has stage fright she doesn't like to do it so i turned it on and she was singing that song memories which is um who's kidding hope it's one of the most depressing fucking songs you're ever gonna listen to really just affected my mood um barbara if you're listening to this could you please stop singing that fucking song memories when we all used to be young a lot of our dreams didn't happen and now we're gonna die right i fucking do not like sad songs like that i don't mind individual pain i'll speak in the songs uh i read you know i've known about that dude bruno mars for a while i just i listened to a little bit of his shit but you know i'm an

old man i can't relate to somebody singing about the prime of their life i mean i i lived through the prime of my life at least i hope i did well maybe i hope i didn't which means we'd get better at some point and then barbara strissand wouldn't be fucking bumming me out they're goddamn depressing songs it was annoying she always sings it with the most sparkly fucking dress on they should rename that song put a gun in your mouth oh jesus look how old richard gear is now it's just i don't need this he just told me fucking urnist borgneid died which i didn't even know half the people who are dying made movies when i was a kid now which means the that fucking grim reaper uh sickle is right on my ass i don't

need to see that i don't need to see that somebody who did something on et just died or some guy who made the fucking shark fin in jaws died well i guess maybe i do that guy should get he should get his uh he should get his due right you guys hear me typing here i just remember i needed to talk about something that that guy should get his due without fucking you know without a doubt but i mean i don't i just find it really depressing you know i don't know anyways the hell am i talking about i'm i'm i'm here in boston and uh oh this is gonna be a rough one people this is gonna be a rough one once again once again talking into my fucking laptop this is bizarre to me um i'm out of my comfort zone there there i

said it you know i haven't watched all the oscars did they did did they do that stupid moment they do every year where they go movies they allow us to dream they allow us to look at life differently they allow us to see a future where things are better they allow us not to have our balls sticking to our legs in the summertime if you don't have air conditioning it's great to go in the theater um i actually didn't see a lot of the movies this year jesus look at the fucking ass on her um anybody else notice nicole kitman did too many of those those shoulder shrug exercises what the fuck was going on with her she literally had a cornerback just in the neck though is that pilates pilates like um that's one good thing that we got out of the inquisition didn't we

is we got that little pilates stretcher rack there how fucked up was the inquisition huh bunch of people going around torturing you till you say that you believed in the bearded baby you know is it any wonder i why i left that religion oh who's kidding who i didn't want to get up that fucking early um anyways i had a i had a huge huge week um before i really get going here i want to thank everybody who uh came out to the patrice o'neill benefit on tuesday night uh it was an unbelievable success and it was so great to finally send send him off the right way and i gotta tell you um everybody on the show was hilarious and i really felt that people stepped it up and were just going above and beyond um

um like keith robinson was the funniest i've ever seen him calling quinn jim norton david tell everybody crushed ian edwards was was great just because uh you know he does a lot of writing and i think not enough people know what a phenomenal comedian he is uh rich voss hosted bobby kelly jumped on the grenade came out first wil silvitz who else did i miss somebody in there i probably miss somebody and they're gonna get upset but um it was such a success um i i'm not gonna i hope that we get to do it again because it was great to see all those guys and everybody of course was backstage trash and everyone some people wore suits other people didn't so immediately there was a hat fields and mccoy's going on in the green room so everybody

was getting trashed norton took a nice pounding poor guy got himself in shape he thinks he's looking good but evidently he bought a suit when he was a little more pudgier so everyone was trashing him about that and uh you know i caught some shit from my big head you know the usual the usual sort of oh the tit for tat that went on backstage but um i want to thank everybody who came out um it um it really was an awesome night and uh i feel very thankful that all you guys who bought tickets came out and see people who bought the posters and that type of thing and i'm really hoping that we can do it again at some point i have no idea when next year two years i have no idea but it was too fun to not at least consider maybe doing again all right so there you go all right back

to the podcast here i've already started this thing a couple of times i forget if i already brought this up but uh tom papa has joined the wonderful world of all things comedy podcast network that i started with al madrigal um he's going to be taping a new stand-up special and there's free tickets available if you're in the new york area he's going to be at the uh the skirball did i already do this i probably already did but i'm going to do it again is that the skirball on march 7th we'll put the link up there i don't remember did i already do it i probably already did it ah jesus christ anyways blounie oh i was talking about singers so bruno mars was this guy that you know i knew he was a talented kid or whatever but like i said you know a lot of his

songs it was about being young and going out and partying that whole being in your 20s and that type of thing and uh you know i'm an old bastard i mean i think i'm closer to neil young's age than i am bruno mars but uh i don't know what i was doing i was clicking going through the internet and i saw him sing on that show the voice uh which had i known it was the voice i wouldn't have watched it because i don't like that show i don't like how they all sit there with their fucking backs to the singer and they're lazy boys and then they hit the button and they turn around and that's supposed to be like exciting for me as the viewer you know like my life is that sad and pathetic not saying it's not sad and pathetic but you know you got to do more than

spin around in a fucking lazy boy to get me going all right but anyways he goes on that show sang this song when i was your man absolutely fucking crushes it it watched it like 10 times so this whole week i'm up at the uh the wilbur theater and i'm working with uh the sensation joe de rosa and i keep telling him about it he keeps breaking my balls saying that i like this fucking teen idol and all that type of thing and i just wouldn't let it up i finally made him sit down and watch it last night when we were hammered he got through it and then i took an unbelievable pounding from him and neah that i actually like it but you know what i stand by it i don't give a shit if you guys give me a rough do you know what i was excited

about is the fact that there's there's somebody young out there who could actually just go out there with a piano player and just sing you know those dj's they i don't you know i've already talked about that on kona and i i don't i don't fucking get what's going on there you know fucking kanye west guy does a whole song using a whole album using auto tune he can't even sing and then even worse he goes out on fucking tour and people are paying tickets to watch a guy sing who can't fucking sing without these singers who like this iron lung or some shit and they're paying like a hundred bucks to sit in the front row to watch somebody who can't even fucking sing it was just you know it made me feel good to see somebody just come out there

and absolutely fucking crush it like that so um i've been joking with neah's like i gotta go see this dude live and i have to bring you because it's going to be a bunch of fucking teenage girls and then my old ass is going to be standing there i'm going to get arrested but uh i don't know it was it was a great thing to uh it was a great thing to see you know when you get old what happens is is shit changes and because you're grumpy you don't think anything's better is this too fucking loud am i blowing myself out here it's like a goddamn heart attack here in the mixer no when you get old like shit changes some shit changes for the better you know hair transplants are way better

some medicine is better but a lot of other shit suffers cars all look the same i guess they're better as far as they handling and safety and shit but you know some shit was better people could sing back in the day so it's nice to see somebody that can all right Jesus Christ you think i'm drunk here that's actually two positive things i've said in a row that never happens on this podcast um all right you know what i'm i'm actually upset that i missed and happy that i missed was uh women fighting in the UFC i i just there's just something there's just something so wrong about that you know to be just sitting there taking fucking kicks to your womb i mean you you're you're supposed to be better than that you're supposed to be able to solve your fucking problems

you know by by i don't know pulling each other's hair i don't want to see some girl take a kick to her titties it's just and grounded and pounding their pretty faces that there really is i don't know i don't want to get used to seeing that you know it's kind of like when you first start watching porn second a girl bends over doggy style you're like holy shit that's amazing you know it's incredible then after a while it doesn't do anything for you you got to go to the next level i don't want to do that with fighting i want to keep it like you know i can watch two guys beat the shit out of each other i really don't want to see two women kick the shit out of each other so but on the other side i think it's a great thing that women could fight like that i i actually

have a solution i might bring this up to rogan if i if i get to do his podcast or if i ever bring him on this one if i stop being so fucking lazy and actually have a guest every once in a while uh i have a solution i think that those women the women of the ufc rather than fighting each other they should fight convicted rapists right just hear me out you take him out of out of the and they don't know they don't know wait that's weird is that too much if the rapist doesn't know that he's going to have a pay-per-view fight that he's going to be involved in it um i would ever give the rapist a fighting chance here's the deal you go in there you fight the broad and if you if if she wins everyone's going to be happy if if the rapist wins then what

he gets to go free he can't let him go what does he get a couple cartons of cigarettes dude you know how fucking how much of an asshole you'd have to be to root for the rapist because that's a fucked up thing like vegas would be then taking odds so at some point they would have to make just you know because money vegas always wants money on both sides of the ball they would have to make it so fucking enticing that you'd have to bet the rapist just so they could offset everybody who doesn't want to bet on our on a rapist right i don't know i'll take it back to you on that one i'll have to work that one out as far as how that would work out did anybody watch it can you send me some emails because i really don't want to see that

i've seen it in boxing a couple times and some girls just sort of jab the other throwing on a stiff jab and just punches the girl right in one of her breasts and this is just something wrong about it you know a low blow she had a baby man you know you can't it's just i don't know it was funny some women actually get mad at that with their their constant quest to be doing everything that men do and never really stepping back to consider whether what we're doing is stupid or not they just want to fucking do everything that we're doing so they can feel like that they are they are free charlie starron what do you think about that haircut that wane gritsky in 1988 she should be up there fucking accepting the heart trophy

i you know it's funny but when she was on the uh the red carpet she said uh they asked her about her haircut and she said the same thing every chick says that has short hair she goes oh my god it's so freeing it's just it's just every woman should do it and i'm thinking like no they shouldn't for my own selfish reasons you know you don't need to get the effle haircut that young in your life that's really what that is that basically when you get that haircut you're basically saying you know i don't care if my husband wants to fuck me or not we're we're legally bound here i got enough years in by all means go fuck somebody else i really don't care and uh oh my god you know something like i've noticed that with in marriages

that that's that's a moment in the marriage when the woman when i'm sure some people can send me some emails when your wife cuts off all her beautiful hair i got it so easy i just wash and go you know right then when a woman gets a haircut that short it's like doggie style becomes a really weird position you know depending on their hair color they can all of a sudden look like one of your friends you know all right i'm really going off on the women here i'm really putting you guys in a box no pun intended all right i don't think you should fight in the UFC unless you're fighting rapists and uh i don't think that you should get the uh mable haircut until you're i don't know that should be the menopause haircut hot flashes i can't have my teenage hair anymore

it's making my brow sweaty i think that that's when you should cut it off you know they always do they always i don't know then they always have to still fucking tease it in some way it's like why don't you just just just part it on the fucking side if you're just going to go out and go out and get like a steve correll haircut then you should comb it like him steve correll that's a bad that's a bad reference who has just a George Clooney you know jesus bill are you judging enough people here or what yeah i am i am what are you gonna do about it all right clicking here on here i know this is making a ton of noise i don't know what to tell you i got some advertising here i gotta read all right everybody where is it where is it legal zoom everybody

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maverick ah that makes me happy good for him um all right stamps.com everybody um do you want to do everything you can do at the post office and the safety of your own home safety of your own apartment um in your little tent city use stamp.com the stamps.com everything you would do at the post office you can do right from your own desk buy and print official us postage for any letter package using your own computer or printer stamps.com will send you a digital scale calculates the exact postage you need for any class of mail you'll never have to go to the post office again or even lease one of those expensive postage meters i use stamps.com to send out all my dvds i never have a problem it's made my life a lot easier and i'm so dumb if i

can figure it out so can you right now use my last name burr burr for a special offer no risk trial plus 110 dollar bonus offer includes a digital scale and up to 55 dollars free postage don't wait go to stamps.com before you do anything else click on the microphone at the top of the home page and type in burr burr that stamps.com enter burr that was pretty good read i got to admit i was reading that and watching a very excited quit in tarantino sorry i lean back fuck i forget the microphones right here oh it's going to be so uneven um what the hell are we oh jesus i'm sorry guys this is this is even for me this is a level of unprofessionalism um did i mention tom papa yet

you know it sucked today aside from the fact that it was doing that annoying not raining not snowing and blowing horizontally right near face i really do not miss the winter by the way i do not miss this shit at all i'm going to go right back out to los angeles and breathe in that nice warm smog that i've really gotten accustomed to um what do we got here i you know the bruins are on today and i have the uh i have the whatever the center rice package whatever you call it on my computer and but because it was a local game it's blacked out on my computer and i'm in a hotel and they don't have nessun so i didn't get to watch it but i did see the clip of vasidano charles 360 backhand goal you know let's see john scott do that buffalo fans hey buffalo fans did you see

did you see what's his face that john scott shouldn't even be in the league i literally sound like a schoolgirl even jeremy ronick doesn't like him uh i can't wait till we play the the sabers again and i can't wait till we play the stupid canadiens you know what i love about the canadiens is they're still trying to walk around like they're the kings of the league i mean last time the canadiens won a stanley cup white people loved oj simpson okay white people last time they wanted it was a year before white people were like oh my god oj is a monster you know and black people too but only amongst themselves they're not allowed to admit it to white people that's how long it's been and they still walk around oh it's so embarrassing when you go up to this stupid

this stadium there right as you go in all they got all their stanley cups you know which i'm sure is a great idea when they built the place because they probably thought there's no fucking way we're gonna go on a you know decade upon decade drought here because they're not winning it this year you know they're not and if you know if they win it this year um i'm actually gonna lobby no if they if they straight up win i don't give a fuck but if i've i haven't watched too many of the games but if they're playing that trap defense like i heard um like that can canadians rangers game where the the coach of the rangers said it was one of the worst hockey games he's ever seen just completely boring i don't understand for the life of me why the

nhl just doesn't make that an illegal defense if basketball the nba is smart enough to be like listen guys are too big and too fast you've come up with the defense that is just far too effective it's so cutting down the scoring it's affecting the entertainment value of the product that's an illegal defense you can't do it anymore i don't know why they just haven't made the fucking thing illegal it's the worst it's the fucking worst all you do is just sit there watching the other team just dumps it in the whole game you know when the other team just sits there waiting for you to make a mistake it's it's literally it's like i don't know what it's like watching it's i can't even say a pitcher's duel because a pitcher's duel is exciting watching

if they're mowing people down there's still great plays being made like exciting stops in the field that you know somebody's got a no hitter going that can be exciting no scoring and hockey i can't even say no scoring it no rushes on the net you know i think that basically you know the forward should all be required i mean i guess you know i guess i don't know the trap is there they are forechecking it's just too it's too fucking effective i don't know who came up with it but it's perfect i was actually i'll give you a link to it for you guys who aren't hockey fans if you watch it it's really phenomenal so i it's just people just can't i was watching one youtube video and the guy was saying he had a system that could beat it but i don't think he does or somebody in

the nhl would be doing it you know what i like to do people i like to have a microphone that i lean away from talking about the most obscure of the top four sports and breaking down the defenses because i feel that that's going to be that's going to be interesting for the fans um all right let's let's get let me at least for the love of god get to a goddamn letter here this is from mexico um olah ombre sorry now first of all i'm a huge fan of yours from mexico if i was a newscaster i would have been first of all i'm a huge fan of yours from mexico i love your stand up i love when you are on conan thank you very much thanks for all keep it up thank you all right

that was it oh that was the whole letter oh i'm sorry i love you stand up i love when you are at conan and most recently i love the boots you are rocking at your latest appearance so if possible could you share what brand what brand are those what the fuck are they you know what i have them hang on a second i'll go get them i'll go get them for you oh my god what a podcast it's amazing they are coming back with the shoes i gotta be honest with you me amigo from mexico um i got these when i was in star com sweden i had to get something they are uh uh christ my fucking eyes are going i tell you that i tell you that my fucking eyesight's going you know piss me off is always hanging out with uh opi from the opi

and anthony show and he asked me one day he goes dude have you are your eyes starting to go yet i go no my eyes are fine he goes he's like they will bro they will he's always doing that shit your shoulder hurt no no it doesn't wait we wait you wait it's gonna and i'm like why does he think that all of his ailments are going to hit me it's not an age thing it's how you lived your life you know we have two totally different bodies why would you say that to me and the fucking son of a bitch was right about my eyes wasn't right about the shoulder all right they're called uh rizzo see the rizzo or or pizzo i think it's rizzo r-i-z-o i got him in sweden though a couple of years ago and god knows they probably stopped making them

because that's what they do right they start making clothes everybody loves them and then they get rid of them they got to get some new ones you hear these right here you know what that's a sound of an almost empty tin of bootleg bootleg fucking m&m's these things just suckin wrong with them i can't stop eating it but they're disgusting totally ripped off m&m's they look just like them except they don't have the ammonium all right this is from ireland ireland in the new world order dear billifer i've been a huge fan of your podcast for years now and think your advice is pretty fucking great thank you in fact listening to one of your podcasts helped me leave a shitty toxic relationship look at this oh billy redface helping people out and i've been

lucky enough to meet a fantastic woman since hey buddy it could be more happy for you could have been happier for you anyways he says enough blowing smoke up your arse i love when people do that i didn't ask you to do it and i helped you out with the most important thing in your life so go fuck yourself anyways he said i'm from ireland and that country is pretty much owned by the european banks now and no longer a sovereign state essentially was taken down economically economically and everyone is in debt now i live in britain and now they are voting on having secret courts and all kinds of terrifying or welly and shit secret courts oh my god so it does seem we are skipping towards the new world order my question is on population reduction how do you think the new

world order are gonna gonna take us all out also when you say you understand why they want to do this what about the fact that they want to turn who's left into slaves i don't condone it but i mean that is pretty much uh the history of human beings you know i mean we're all unbelievably lucky to be living right now as free people you know because we really think about yourself what do you you know what are you bringing to the table you know i don't know i can't talk for you but i'm certainly not royalty i haven't invented anything um so why shouldn't i be out there picking up heavy ship for smart people that's probably one of the dumbest things i ever said but i i get i don't know i just i i don't have any faith in human beings i just think that uh there's a select few

that are uh decent and i'm not including myself when i say that and i just don't feel that um i don't feel that people handle power they can't handle it you know and that even goes for regular people a lot of people shit on you know the rich oh they're fucking assholes and they act like they're better people but i mean if if you just look at what the people what people do on the internet when they just have the power of being anonymous how fucking mean that they are and you know i know some people just trolling but a lot of people they just you know they're assholes they're like holy shit i can say whatever i want not getting trouble for it and they just immediately just say the meanest shit they could possibly say

you know i i think that if you actually got a position of power where you could do something else you you'd probably abuse that too so anyways how do i think they're gonna take us all out i don't know i uh cell phones cell phones they're probably just cooking our brains i have no idea i i would think that they would do the usual shit divide divide you you you basically um um say that these people are better than these people these people are out to get us yada yada yada i don't know but you know it has to be done people do you think we're just gonna keep having more and more people and eventually this shit isn't gonna hit the fan do you honestly think that there can be seven billion people on

the planet we're not affecting the planet you know imagine if there was seven billion deer in this planet and for some fucked up reason for like a four-year period they all really got into roller blading did i use this analogy yet i can't remember let's just say they all really got into roller blading then after four years it was considered gay and they all got they just threw out their roller blades throw them into the fucking ocean i mean it would just be open season on deer they're like these fucking deer the biggest assholes ever um yeah we're out of control we're out of control and a lot of tough decisions are gonna have to be made and uh i get i don't know what to tell you i find though i find it all funny though um i've gotten beyond the scary scariness of it

i got beyond the depression of it and uh something's gonna happen look if they're not actually um look if somebody isn't out there trying to take over the whole world then humanity has been wiped off the planet there's always going to be somebody out there trying to do that shit but uh i don't know i think if we keep fucking and having kids and all that type of shit uh i don't think we're gonna have to worry about the new world order doing anything to us i think mother nature will swiftly or slowly i don't know they'll handle it there's only so many fish yeah you want to kill all of them yeah see how that works out you know melt the fucking ice caps drown us very easy very easy to get rid of us a couple of storms do i sound crazy well maybe i am

i don't give a fuck um cheater at the wilbur um hey bill i saw you uh i was at your late show last night and before i get into it i had a great time all right anyway about 20 to 30 minutes before the sensation joe de rosa took the stage by the way joe de rosa is taping his half hour comedy central presents right here in boston on tuesday night and uh comedy central they're giving out free tickets so why don't you guys go down and support my boy i'd really appreciate it if you're busy i understand couple you show up be a nice thing um anyways about 20 to 30 minutes before the sensation took the stage he was great by the way i was sitting next to this fairly attractive woman up in the mezzanine she took one look at this usher and you could tell her twat got wet and she

wanted him jesus dude you were really paying attention to this um she started talking to him and hitting on him and eventually settling on a time and day to get together with him and they exchanged phone numbers for about five minutes after this exchange i was admittedly a little jealous of this guy until the lady's husband came and sat down with her he was definitely her husband and at first it was a little uncomfortable for me especially when she gave me a you better keep your mouth shut or i'll stab you look dude did this really happen or did you dream this who would just fucking openly cheat like that i don't know if i believe this but after a couple of minutes i saw the irony of it when i thought she's here to see bill burr a

comedian who is famous for his anger towards these whores and i started dying laughing right in the middle of the theater when it wasn't even half full yet which got me a couple of stares from people but hell i thought it was fucking hilarious and this woman had no clue at what i was laughing at which made it even better and i started laughing harder anyway love the podcast and i will see you again in hampton soon um yeah look i hope that didn't i hope the way you were reading that it didn't go down that way but uh you know i've been on the road a long time boys and girls and that little robert denier looks like he's gonna fall asleep um i've been on the road a long time and uh yeah i you'd be amazed how married women behave

it's fucking ridiculous and you know and it's not all of them basically what it is the decent people after the show they go home you know why because they're happy with their lives they're happy with who they're with they got kids they got a job they want to get back to their life it's the people who hang out afterwards unless you're young and in your 20s but i'm saying those people who are married and they still fucking hang out they're still searching they're still seeking you know and uh shit happens people oh my god is meryl street that fucking old ah um you know what i'm gonna shut this off i can't fucking watch this shit anymore she looks like i cannot say that it's too mean she's like a first lady she looks like a first lady uh did

she get by the way did she get nominated every year she has to go down like people always talking about like denaro pochino uh marlon brando and that type of thing you got to throw her in there she's got to have the most nominations ever um isn't that unbelievable let's let's just play along with this thing here let's just say that that's true like how long was this guy gone for man i'd have been pretty she takes one look at this guy starts shooting the shit and they're talking loud enough that you hear it and exchange phone numbers i don't know well i mean i've i've seen uh i've seen worse things

i've been one time uh i was on the road you know drinking with some people afterwards there was this married couple and the fucking wife in the end we all go to say good night say good night to husband she comes up and i'm standing there and she basically puts her clam on my fucking leg like just like walks right into it it was it was you know it was just like your husband's right over there you got your goods on my leg what are you doing and i'd like to tell you that that only happened one fucking time you know the deal women are smart with their dirt they keep it in house i think they just talk about it amongst themselves but uh and then they got that great thing that even when they

cheat it's it's always because the oh the guy wasn't uh wasn't giving me what i needed but blah blah blah blah blah it's like well yeah that's why guys cheat too you know you weren't bringing another woman into the bedroom so i could have a threesome yeah you know i don't fucking enough hey you don't be fucking unreal is what if your wife was one of those ufc chicks you know and you just a regular shithead like me what do you do when you catch her cheating what are you gonna do that'd be fucked right if she goes yeah what are you gonna do about it she sort of cracks her neck you know you'd still have to take a run at her i i swear to god i would grab a fucking the leg of a table you know that's what i that's that would be what i would do i would

i would grab a blunt object and just swing below the waist you know because that's a lesser degree of assault and uh i just know that she hasn't she hasn't any of her training i know she can choke me out i know she can put me in an arm bar i know she's good standing up you know but she hasn't dealt with weapons i said i just started throwing shit at her start with a chair maybe a clock clocks are a great thing to have i guess that's what that would be my failsafe if i married one of those ufc fighting chicks i would have a bunch of nicknacks that i would slowly be accumulating acting as though it was a hobby but what it really would be is i would be stalking it with weaponry you know what if she's an angry drunk comes home and just starts beating my ass right and i gotta

fucking go to work the next day telling lies you know my name is luca i married a ufc chick be fucking brutal oh my god be the end of your life you know it's sad there has to be a guy out there who's just getting beat down by his woman every night there's just no you can't fucking bring it up to anybody you know no where's that fucking support group all right revenge jesus christ i'm blowing through all these questions revenge bill burr i often have fantasies about getting people back but like you i look at my higher self and can't do it no that's not what i do i know i'm too fucking stupid and i'm gonna get caught you know and i've also watched enough sport sports where i know that it's the guy who

retaliates you know he's the guy always gets the penalty so anyways i got my revenge by living well and doing nothing um here's what happened to at least a few of my enemies and he said i did nothing to make this happen okay so this guy's basically claiming that he always wanted to get revenge but he took the higher road and his revenge was living well and doing nothing so here's all these people that he wanted to fuck over but never did this is what happened to him the these people all right first person the dude who fucked with me eventually went to jail for buggery and hanged himself when he was there what is buggery is that fucking around is that tom foolery what country is this from okay that's good now did you feel good when he hung himself uh another guy i hate was arrested

for selling booze to kids and i laughed my ass off when i saw him on a news story about a local atf stink oh that's a good one another dude who fucked my lady and had the back of his had the back of his head caved in by an unknown assailant not me i swear because he buggered a child all right dude if if any more people suffer sort of the same violent ending i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna start to think that i'm gonna start asking where you were when all this shit happened so anyways this guy got the back of his head caved in for fucking with the kid he's alive but is now retarded uh you mean brain damaged uh you know i wish women would consider the possibility that they're hooking up with buggers when they go out on a girl that their girl power fuck sprees

dude for the love of god what does buggers mean i gotta look this up i can't read the rest of this shit what what what word am i looking up i'm gonna look up buggery the british term buggery oh look at that gotta love the internet is a very close in the meaning to the term sodomy jesus christ and as often you there's a bunch of people in england laughing their ass off with me trying to figure out what the fuck that was and is often used interchangeably in law and popular speech it may also be a specific common law offense encompassing both sodomy and bestiality in english law buggery was first used i don't give a fuck about that i don't care when it was first in 1533 jesus somebody probably fucked a yak the hell do you fuck in 1533 saber two tiger you

couldn't do that the thing would kill you stick your dick in a willy mammoth's trunk all right defined punishments for the abominable crime of buggery committed with either mankind or with an animal the definition of buggery was not specific in these are any statutes but rather established by judicial precedent over the years the courts have defined buggery as including either anal intercourse by a man with a man or a woman or vaginal intercourse by either a man or a woman with an animal well what if you fucking have anal intercourse with an animal is that like some sort of uh second degree buggery i don't fucking know but not any form of unnatural intercourse that is fucking unreal most common law jurisdictions have now been modified the

law to permit permit anal sex between consenting adults jesus they have a picture here of a guy a depiction of buggery of a goat by the late great paul avril now i gotta this is wikipedia now i gotta look up paul avril is this what he was known for drawing painting oil paintings of buggery evidently he was a french painter and a commercial artist all right here's his gallery he's got a couple of women maybe it's a guy everybody kind of looks the same she's got a fucking leg spread it's kind of jesus christ this guy made some filthy fucking fall oh i see holy shit this guy has a photo of a guy banging a chick on his on her back while some other dude is putting it in his ass and i'll tell you right now if that's not

buggery he is he is committing it and haven't done to him at the same time what the you know what this is this is uh i know this is really creepy wow this guy really wrote pornographic shit okay now there's a normal one guy and a girl okay there we go who are you to say what's normal i'll go fuck yourself you know what i'm saying mainstream he's got another one of two chicks one one's going down on the other what the fuck year was this isn't that funny don't you always think that nobody did shit like 1849 to 1928 so people are sitting there talking about the internet and all this porn and how what it's going to do to you look at this shit this guy was painting

buggery everybody see that you learned something i like to think you learned something on every podcast now i have to go back here for all the people here in america okay a dude who fucked with me eventually went to jail for buggery and hanged himself when he was there yeah because he was probably all screaming shit and goat fucker at him another guy i hate was arrested for selling booze to kids and i laughed my ass off when i saw a new story about him at a local atf sting another dude who fucked with my lady at the back of his head caved in by an unknown assailant not me i swear because he buggered a child he fucked the kid somebody caved his head in all right i like that frontier justice

he's alive but now he's uh brain damaged you know i wish women would consider the possibility that they're hooking up with buggers when they go out on their girl power fuck sprees now what do you mean by buggers now does that mean that they're going out with a guy who'd fuck a yak or fuck a kid or going out with a guy who wants to put it in their ass uh i don't i don't you you're losing me on this one uh please please read this letter on your show in case any hoes are listening yuck i don't know what he's talking about my woman who fucked a child molester has become a 250 pound warthog since then so her girl power days are over i got rid of her 15 years ago thank god i don't know who to be dude you just kind of sound

just as bad as the people i mean you haven't buggered anybody i hope but i mean you sound just you're definitely a yeah you're definitely a piece of work here buddy um yet another dude who used to pull the most bizarre mind games on me and others coincidentally had an extremely expensive divorce i'm sorry i was just thinking of that fucking photo i couldn't get that out of my head that someone would actually consider doing that back in the day that just seems like next level porno like that seems like the future not the past you know like a bunch of pornography people sitting around going all right what is left to do gay porn we already did that heterosexual already did that hey wait a minute you know all these dj's are doing mashups i have an

idea um anyways yet another dude who used to who used to pull the most bizarre mind games on me and others coincidentally had an extremely expensive divorce now he's poor and helpless former boss who was a hot shot fuck went to jail for embezzlement dude what have you been doing how do you know all these people who've gone to jail this person goes to jail for embezzlement this other kid fucks a kid somebody buggered some i don't know what you know why don't you hang out with better people what part of the country do you live in sir um several other fuckhead bosses have lost their contacts or otherwise got pushed into poverty or injury by various means you know this is starting to read like some fucking charles

dicken story is this shit really happening or is this your fantasies uh many other bad things have happened to slap offs who hurt me and guess what i had to visit briefly with the police in a few cases because they learned that i was a victim of the douche baggery i think this is just science fiction at this point but i'm it's a good read i have a good reputation so i was never treated seriously as a suspect many of these things took years before they came out but they happened nevertheless like clockwork i speak it very vaguely if anybody knows what's going on in this i have no idea all of a sudden i feel like i'm in some sherlock home shit um are you like kevin spacey and you're just making all this shit up and you're gonna walk out of the podcast and

your club foot's gonna straighten out i had all the revenge i ever needed and never had to lift a finger best of all my soul is intact i'm not dead and i'm not in jail the world has good things in store for all of us your monday morning podcast is great thanks for cheering me up every week every week all right sir that was uh definitely one of the more bizarre ones but you know something thank you for writing in i uh you taught me a new word and i saw a new sexual position anyways what the hell are we what the fuck do you go from buggery i should have closed on that oh christ what the fuck is this get this out of the way get this out of the way um all right what do i do here i got like another eight minutes to kill here

um women in u.s.c. boss being a boss that i don't know what else to talk about i think i might be a little short this week guys i really apologize about the unbelievably poor quality of recording these past few weeks i've just i was really um i was really busy and i didn't get a fucking chance to to do something that would only take me fucking 20 minutes so let's be honest but um i was really stressing about that patrice thing i wanted to make sure that it it went great and uh this week on on the weekend on stage i actually remembered a patrice story that i told and i told you guys eventually i'd be able to tell you a story um this is sort of a roundabout patrice one but it's got bobby kelly dude it's got him in it too i'll tell you this one and then i'm gonna

end this podcast uh all right so when i moved in new york i moved there basically i'd never lived on my own i went right from my parents house to living in new york city i didn't know shit about the ladies right so i moved down to new york and i meet this girl who's an absolute fucking psycho all right like nowadays i swear to go i could talk to this girl for two seconds to realize that she was out of her mind and i and i would not even i probably wouldn't even say hello to her they're just people in some way the way her eyes were darting around the room i would know that she was out of her fucking mind but uh i was young i didn't know shit so i ended up going out with her and you know the crazy girls they're fucking they're great in bed

and when you're young you keep coming back you keep coming back because you never you never had it like that before so i keep coming back but she was she was fucking nuts this girl she was crazy i mean i i'd show up to her apartment she'd have like a fucking like a wig on and just act like she was somebody else that was fucking crazy then you know fuck my brains out like i'm in my 20s i'm gonna walk away from that was i didn't realize i was like she was out of her mind um so anyway so i finally just said listen i did the same working out blah blah blah blah blah blah and all of a sudden she turned into clen close in fatal attraction and i didn't know how to get rid of her

she would like call me i'm on time like she knew basically when i was gonna be home and this is but i didn't have an answer machine or anything like that did i yeah i think i did no i had voicemail and uh she'd fucking call and i'm laying in bed and i know it's her it's late at night none of my friends are gonna call or nothing and uh and i just let let it go to voicemail and i swear to god eight seconds later she'd call again and she was calling like she did this for almost i swear to god like 40 minutes straight would just call my number it would go to she'd let it ring six times it would go to voicemail and then she would hang up and then sit there for five seconds and then call me back

and after like the fucking 400th time she did this i finally picked up the phone and i went what she's just like oh i just like want to talk to make you give fucking me calling it for 40 minutes fucking straight i'm trying to go to sleep right and i fucking hang up on her so she ends up coming by my apartment this girl was out of a fucking mind she was out of i'm just out of a fucking mind so it just keeps what i should have been doing is i should just shut the phone off if you ever if you ever with like a psycho chick like this what you have to do is you just have to freeze them out you have to act like they don't exist because if you acknowledge them it just fuels

them and they just keep fucking coming back somebody finally told me that just say pick up the phone say hello if it's her just hang up on her just keep doing that but i didn't know to do that shit so this is so long ago i forget what happened all i know it escalates to the point that she's now threatening me and she told me i'm living with barbie kelly by the way so he's given me advice he's also a young guy and he's also kind of laughing his ass off and we're both kind of laughing until one day she she called me up and she threatened that she was going to stab me do something violent to me it really just freaked me out so i fucking hang up and i'm going to barbie i'm like dude what am i gonna do you know i'm going down the cellar

tonight i think i was at the comic strip and i'm like my fucking name he's right on the sheet she's just gonna know exactly when i'm coming in well what do i do he's like i don't know dude i fucking you know wear two coats or something i don't forget what the hell he told me to do so like two three hours goes by all of a sudden the apartment door buzzes and and it's her and i'm like i'm like hello she's like yeah it's me and i'm like yeah go fuck yourself and she goes no she goes like i want to give you something and i'm like what a fucking knife in the chest and she's like no i i made your brownies i'm like what i mean she went from three hours i'm gonna stab you till i made you some brownies

so for some fucking dumb reason i buzzer in and uh i opened the door with the chain you know standing way back behind there she is sitting there with her crazy eyes those watery eyes that crazy people have big fucking deer eyes she goes can i come in i go absolutely not she goes take the brownies i go i don't want if she goes take them she turns the fucking tin sideways and she pushes them through so i take them she goes i'll call you later and i said yeah okay just trying to get rid of her right close the fucking door i sent him down on the table me and bob are a couple of starving artists they smell delicious we're both sitting there staring at these things going what the fuck did we do here i want to eat them but she just threatened to fucking stab me what

do we do so we call up the late great patrice o'neill start telling him the story he's fucking laughing his ass off and he goes don't eat those brownies that bitch probably peed in the batter so now the three of us are laughing our fucking asses off like what do we do so long story short me and bobby end up taking we take all the brownies out except for like three of them and we stick them back in the tin and we're living on the ground floor and we brought it out we stuck it on top of a trash bag right on the sidewalk and anything you had on new york city man you just stuck it out there we lived up on 97th street we had like crackheads living in like the the bowels of the building it was fucking nuts so anything you put out there was gone in

two seconds so we just stuck it there we ran back in the apartment and we just sat there peeking through the curtain wait for some homeless guy to come along and see what happened when you eat them sure enough some homeless guy comes along he sees the tin sees them in there picks them squeezes them sees they're fucking still warm pops one in his mouth nothing happened me and bob looked at each other we said fuck it we ate it and they were delicious oh they were delicious that really wasn't a patrice was only in there he only made a cameo in that one but uh i'll try and tell some other ones later on but ah Jesus bills you let us down on that one did i it was a nice crazy woman story um it's fucking podcast if this is my kryptonite if i don't have my recorder it goes down

by 20 percent in the funny um anyways that was the monday morning podcast for this week oh Jesus uh thank you for listening i don't know what shows i have coming up but i know you guys don't want to listen to me clicking on my computer anymore i i really apologize for the poor quality these the last two weeks i swear to god next week it's going to be fucking crisp all right that's the podcast for this week go fuck yourselves and thank you to everybody here who came out to my shows at the wilbur theater it was unbelievable turnout every show was great and you know all my family and friends that came out people i went to school with and it was it was great to see everybody and uh that is it i'll see the city of boss and i'll be back in this summer up in

new hampshire maybe down the cape all right that's it see you um you