Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-14-19

Episode Date: March 15, 2019

Bill rambles about documentaries, New Yorkers, and female serial killers.

COVID-19 doesn't hit every community the same. Many of us have had COVID and no people who have gone to the hospital. Some never came back. Truth is, our community deserves better. Better resources we can trust to protect ourselves. A good start is talking to our friends and family about getting vaccinated or boosted.

Find out more we can do at covid-resources.org or call 877-904-5097. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. I'm taking time out of my day to read advertising

to make a little more scratch just to make sure that your week is going okay. All right, that's all I'm trying to do here. Jesus Christ, if I hear one more fucking asshole bring up that stupid Michael Jackson video. I don't know, what are they? Are they going to dig them up and arrest them? You know, and I love when anybody,

did you see that thing on Murder Mountain? Did you see the making of a murderer? And you go in there and you listen. You basically, you are watching, you're watching the prosecution's case. That's not how a case works. Then you hear the defense. All right?

And I think it's kind of fucked up that you can have something come out about a dead guy. And then everybody's just going to be like, all right, now we know definitively that this guy, he should be allowed to refute. Moonwalk out of the grave and be like, listen, just because I talk like this and I like castles and have a giant ice cream machine

in like 17 doors that lock on the way to my bedroom, doesn't mean that I'm fucking a child. He should be able to say that. And not because I think he's innocent. Hey, it's for you and me, right? So we get the chance to do that. So someday, you know, somebody can't just say, hey, I saw this guy with this tallywack

and fucking wagging out of his zipper there, right? You have a chance to defend yourself with this new fucking bullshit of the internet where they just all do processes, throwing out the fucking window. The amount of people that I've seen accused of this me too shit, and then people just immediately go like,

I always knew he was a piece of shit. It's just like, you haven't heard, you've heard an accusation. But having said that, having said that, it makes me feel better about the suffering of humanity. Right? Cause when you look at human being suffering,

if you're any sort of a human being, it bothers you. All right? But when you see 90% of them on the internet going like, I knew that guy when you beat your shit. At that point, you're like, well, maybe, maybe they don't need that much food. Oh, that was just mean, Bill. That was too mean for the morning.

I had a little bit of a disappointing morning. I was going to go fly a helicopter and we couldn't get the fucking thing started. It's R-22. I don't know what the deal is. Like if you try to start it before eight, the magnetos are too cold. It's too cold outside this time of year.

It just doesn't want to start. So we brought a car out to jump it, which we've done before and it's been fine. It looks funny as hell, but if you just don't look at the fact that it's a car and it's a helicopter, and you just look at the engine, you're like, oh, it's the same fuck.

It's a fucking gas combustion engine. Same fucking principles here. I was really looking forward to flying and I know what a lot of you guys are saying. You're like, oh my God, there's no fucking way. I want to float something. I had a fucking jump shot. I know, I know, but you'll get in your car

that every time you drive over a puddle, it fucking jizzes in your face, right? Coming up to the rusted out floorboards as you're texting, driving 90 miles an hour, down the fucking street. We'll say 50. Driving 50, looking down at your fucking phone and there's no guardrail

and there's somebody driving 50 miles an hour, just one, not even like three feet up. You haven't noticed that when you drive down the fucking street? Just on a two way street. Like the fact that you're going 50 and the other guy's going 50 and it never dawns on you like,

what if that guy just fucking swerved over? We'd both be fucking dead. It's like you're doing like what the other blue angels fly at each other the last second they turn away. You're doing that with complete strangers. You're not on the radio talking to each other and every day, every day, somebody's on their fucking phone.

They drift over, headlight to front headlight, bam, right? Brain smashing on the inside of the skull. What do people say? What do people say? Oh my God, it's a fucking shame. That's it. But the next time you go to get in a car, nobody says like, hey, hey, I'm good.

Maybe you should walk. You're gonna fucking die. Sorry, I'm trying to preempt everybody who's gonna sit there and fucking say a bunch of fucking shit here. Anyways, plowing ahead. Guess who finally figured out how the MotoGP website works?

Not this guy. Somebody gave me the link and showed me and then I was able to put in my password. So thank you to the listener who helped me out and I got to watch that race. The first one of the year in Qatar or what do they call it? Katar?

The English guys? Like every little fucking word they say different than us. It's amazing that we speak the same language. Over here we say Ducati, they say Ducati, oregano, oregano, tomato, tomato, Qatar, Katar, I don't even know what they're saying. Qatar, Qatar is, they think how they were saying it.

I don't know, when I just hear shit like that, I really start to understand how difficult it is to be a spy. Because that's the shit that gets you caught. You get the accent down, you watch your little peaky blinders and you go over there and the next thing you know, you're in Buckingham Palace

and you're fucking snooping around to find out what those balding cunts are doing in there with all the goddamn money, right? And then all of a sudden, what do you do? You let a Ducati, I forgot how I said it, a Ducati slip, then that's it, right? The queen pushes a button, you go through the floor right down to the Royal Alligators.

I'm gonna tell you right now about MotoGP. This is the best fucking racing that is out there. All right? On the final lap, the two people, Andres DeVizioso and Marc Marquez in first and second place, they changed leads, the lead changed three times in the final fucking lap. Even though I knew what would happen,

I was still up off the couch and everybody was asleep, so I was screaming quietly, watching it. An amazing race. A little bit of controversy though, huh? The Ducatis, the Ducatis, they got this new little piece that they have underneath the bike that allegedly is kicking up air to cool off the rear tire.

And these guys, I guess they chew up their tires big time. So if he has this little bit of an advantage, so DeVizioso won, Ducati won the team, and immediately four teams complained, which I'm guessing is Honda, Suzuki. By the way, how come there's no Harleys or fucking Indians in the goddamn race? Well, what happened, my country?

We started making fucking motorcycles before all of these cons, didn't we? I gotta look this up. It's so funny that like Indians in like Hondas are just for like fat fucks, not Hondas, Harleys. Essentially, it's for old guys. I wanna sit down, I like the pegs up nice and high, my fucking air out, my old fucking ball bag

as I drive down the fucking street. And all the Japanese bikes and the Italian bikes, they're all for the young guys who think they're gonna live forever, right? Having said all this, having talked all this shit, if I was gonna get a bike, which I would love to, if I wasn't living for somebody else now, but even that, even before I had a kid,

like I always liked my legs. I like my feet pointing in the direction they're supposed to be rather than turned around, like I'm fucking like Daffy Duck's bill every other cartoon. All right, what the hell was I looking up? Oh, first motorcycle built. All right, let's see who built it first. Oh, I got the bad internet, huh?

Sometimes you get the bad cocaine, sometimes you get the bad internet. What the fuck are you doing here? Can I have a quick one? First fucking motorcycle ever built. Just gonna break a porno off. As I said, fucking in it. Come on, come on, you can load,

you can load if you want to, you can answer my fucking question. What is the, Jesus fucking Christ. How much do you have to pay? How much, I'm fucking paying nine grand a month for fucking, all right, the first motorcycle, international combustion petroleum field motorcycle was the Damier Wright Vagen.

That sounds like German. It was designed and built by the German inventors. You fucking sons of, is there anything worse than when you think a man did something or America did it and you find out they didn't? It's the worst. I feel like the world smiles when that happens. A motorcycle often called a bike

or a motorbike or a cycle. I know what that is. Okay, 1894, Hildebrand and Wolfmueller became the first series production motorcycles and the first to be called a motorcycle. In 2014, the three top motorcycle producers globally by volume were Honda, Yamaha and the Hero Motor Corp. I don't know, it's in India.

All right, so we're not the only ones making motorcycles that aren't in MotoGP. What is it about like Italians in Japanese motorcycles that they just make the fastest ones? They got that on lockdown. Look at fucking Japan. They got Honda, Suzuki and Yamaha. So what I'm finding out is the Suzuki's

are the best in the corners, but then the Ducati's and Honda's just have too many horses when they go down the straightaway, which is fucking weird to me. You know, I guess it would depend on the track because the one they were riding on had like two long straightaways. So when he's sort of fucking ground

the dude on the Suzuki would gain, he would just lose it every time he would go by the grandstands over there. All right, enough motorcycle talk, but I really enjoyed it. If you want to jump on board, there's only like 20 fucking races. They're like 22, 23, 24 laps. They fly by and you're watching guys

going 200 fucking miles an hour on a motorcycle like an eighth of an inch away from each other. I'll tell you, it's unfucking believable. I've been giving Giannis Papa shit, one of my favorite comics out there. Absolutely brilliant guy, but he's like the classic fucking New Yorker where he did this Instagram post, right?

And he's like in Philadelphia and he goes, look at these, he's going, look at the buildings, look at the buildings, look at the buildings. And he goes, every city looks like New York City for a block and a half, and then the whole thing falls apart, you know? And there's something just so fucking funny about the way New Yorkers travel, you know?

Every place they go to, if they can't do exactly what the fuck they can do in New York City, the place sucks. It's like you're in Philadelphia. Why would it look like New York City? That's why you travel. Oh, where are all the fucking buildings? The Tri-State area is arguably

the biggest collection of meatheads in the United States of America. And this is saying something because I grew up in greater Boston, you know? And if you want to see the level of meathead, just watch a Boston sporting event when they pan to the crowd. All right, and I'm not talking down.

I know I'm part of the problem. So I've just been leaving all these fucking messages. How New Yorkers just think everything sucks. There's such fucking moron. Oh, I went to fucking Houston, right? I'm in Houston, Texas, so I ordered a linguine and it fucking, it was just fucking terrible. Can't get good Italian in Houston, Texas.

Why didn't you get the barbecue, you dumb fuck? Why didn't you get some Tex-Mex? I don't fucking, I went to Buffalo, right? I fucking went to the Buffalo Wild Wings. They're fucking wings aren't that good. Fucking morons, they have fucking morons. You know what's funny? I went to the Brody Memorial, right?

I can't remember if I talked about this on Monday. I still can't get over this. This guy was eulogizing, is that the right word? Brody Stevens, and he somehow was able to trash Boston twice. It is fucking eulogy. It was one of the high points of it because it was really uplifting, but it was sad. But it was kind of funny to see that New York fans

are that fucking annoyed that we won some championships. Finally, you know? Finally won a couple, you know? And it's bothering them so much that they're now reduced to making fun of our skyline. And that stupid shit that ESPN came up with where they were like saying that Boston had an inferiority complex is one of my favorite

with New York is one of my favorite thing ever. I don't have the heart to tell New Yorkers that like, yeah, we didn't even know what the fuck it looked like. You're giving us too much credit. I wanna say I already talked about this on Monday. But you know, like whenever they fucking show New England, whenever there's a game in New England,

they're always showing some sort of foliage, something about the Revolutionary War and then somebody's eating a fucking oyster or something. And it's just like, that's really, that's not a good, that's not a good indication of what's going on up here. You know, show somebody in a dive bar with a beer and a fucking shot that, yeah, maybe. And don't go to the bull and finch

that stupid fucking cheers thing or whatever the hell it is. Anyways, having said that to all the New Yorkers listening, I absolutely love your city. I love the people. I just don't like the Yankees, that's it. Everything else about it, I absolutely love. Having said that, I love Philadelphia too. I enjoy Washington, D.C.

Milwaukee's one of my favorite cities. I don't fucking, because when I go there, I don't try to get fucking, dude, let's get some fucking, fucking clam chowder sucked in Green Bay, dude. Dude, I go to fucking Argentina, right dude? I'm fucking down there. And I say to the guy, can I get a fucking Sam Adams?

The guy didn't even have, he had no Sam Adams. So I do this fucking place sucks. Do anybody else, do you have any stories like that? I shouldn't really just blame New Yorkers, but does anybody else have like, cause I think country people are like that too, where they just kind of, let's just tune in. I know y'all deal with this,

all these fucking people out here, man. Give me the wide open spaces of my own property. Get me a four wheeler and a good woman who doesn't have the self-esteem to walk off, right? She knows I'll fucking club her over the head and feed her to my pigs. I've done it before. She knows it.

We never talk about it, but she knows it. She goes out when she goes to feed the pig. She sees a couple of thongs hanging on her nail. She knows what that means. I told her I've been married twice before. She gets it. Yeah, people, the purpose of traveling is the when in Rome, right?

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. That's what you do, all right? You fucking go over to, you go over to fucking, you know, the UK, right? Premier League, see, get yourself a fucking pint and a scarf and start singing some songs, all right? You know, pull a versey, like an Astote and you talk to some 90 year old woman over there,

you know, in blazing fast English going like, hey, do you know what we can watch the NFL divisional round playoffs? You know what it is I think about New Yorkers? They've just, they've just sung too many fucking songs about your city. And then all these meatheads who really didn't do that well in school, they think they're part of the success

rather than the, they're just background in the movie. As I've always said, Frank Sinatra was bridge and tunnel. He was a Jersey guy. Frank Sinatra, he lives in Newark. There's no buildings, that fucking place sucks. All right, plowing ahead here. I did some stand up the other night, first time since Royal Albert Hall.

I had a good time trying out new shit, just like, just nothing. I got nothing, so I'm gonna go down to the comedy store possibly this weekend, or maybe not this week, or maybe next weekend, and I'm just gonna fucking, I'm just gonna do 20 minutes of new shit. I'm just gonna have like four, five, six subjects written down, and I'm going on stage, and I'm just gonna stand there

and fucking take it. And it's one of my favorite things in the world to do. I was just listening to a Brody special, the one that he has on fucking iTunes, and I just, I don't know, just listening to that guy plowing through. It's just one of my favorite things. I'm definitely gonna miss that guy,

but it was an incredible memorial service, which I really would think that I talked about it on Monday. I believe I did. I just kept no fucking short-term memory. So anyways, hey, you know what's funny? It was right before I started, I asked my wife if she could just go talk in the other room because she was talking, she had a phone on speaker,

and you know, I was recording, just didn't want that shit in the background. Oh my God, the fucking look she gave me. It's unbelievable, you know? She's asking me to do shit all the fucking time. Can you go here? Can you pick up this? Can you do this?

Can you do that? All I had to do was just move down one room, close the door. She just looked at me, because I know what she's gonna say. You fucking talk so fucking loud when you're on the fucking phone. Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity.

You know, it's always, always comes back, always comes back. Hey, DeRosa sent me something. I guess they got this new fucking Charlie Manson movie that's coming out where they're trying to make the women that Charlie convinced to kill those people, victims. I don't give a fuck if you're a victim or not. If you're dumb enough that you let some fucking psycho look in Jesus, talk you into murdering

a pregnant woman and then trying to cut the baby out. Yeah, you shouldn't be walking around in society. This is the new fucking thing. The new fucking thing now is to go back in time and find a bunch of selfish cunts and then somehow blame it on guys. And you know what it started with? It started with that stupid movie, Monster.

Well, that fucking lunatic was a serial killer and I'm watching the movie and they're trying to make me feel guilty. Like, I'm part of the problem. I'm the reason why she became one. I saw the Jeffrey Dahmer movie. They didn't do that. They just like, this guy's out of his fucking mind

and he's eating people. I don't know. But it's a woman. There has to be a reason. Maybe she just came out of the womb, a complete fucking psycho, right? Maybe that's what it was. I don't fucking know.

I think they tried to like find some sort of trajectory in the madness of Jeffrey Dahmer, but at no point did they blame women. Although, in fairness to the ladies, who's that guy, that Ed Gein guy, the guy from fucking Wisconsin. They did try to, they did say that his mother fucked him up. So, I don't know.

Maybe I'm just being a baby. You know, maybe I should have moved one room over. Is that what I should have done? All right, so as I mentioned, the Bruins lost two in a row, two in a row, hoping to get back on track here. I'm going to the fucking Gadna Dreams, April 2nd, everybody.

April 2nd, I'm doing the Gadna Dreams with John Stewart. This is in New York City, by the way. Oh my God, the arena's unbelievable. It's so much nicer than arena's in other fucking shit cities. I'm doing it. Jerry Seinfeld, John Stewart, Elijah Schlesinger. Who else?

Who else? Who else? I forget who else. Those are the names that I remember. Oh, and yours truly. How could I forget? Lovely me. Lovely Baldi.

Not even Baldi, Baldi me. That's the name of my one show, one man show. Lovely Baldi me. I've chosen me. I've decided to ignore all the advertising, that's saying that I'm not good enough and to say that I am good enough. How fragile is your fucking psyche

that you fucking sit there looking at advertising and it fucks with you to that level that you're walking out behind a fucking Papa John's throwing up into a handicapped parking spot, right? I know what you think, Bill. Why would you suggest that Papa John's puts the handicapped parking behind? I've never eaten at Papa John's, all right?

I like Papa Geno's, nice fucking Italian. I don't want some guy named John making my goddamn pizza, all right? I want someone who can get a fucking tan, not someone who burns in fucking April. What was I talking about? I just, yeah, I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you? First of all, the arrogance of you

that you look at a Victoria's Secret model and you feel like you have to compete with that. First of all, you can't any more than I can compete with a Brad Pitt. So what is the fucking problem? And then second of all, when was the last time you saw a Victoria's Secret model walking to the bar that you're drinking at?

All right, you fucking regular-looking person. You're in a regular-looking person bar, you know? With me. And the second and eight walks in the room, everybody fucking turns like Bo Derek just came walking in in that movie, Ted. Hollywood just creates these impossible standards. Yes, it's a movie.

I don't understand, when they do this reboot of Top Gun, I'm not gonna feel like I need to learn how to fly a fucking F-18 or whatever the fuck they're flying. Was it F-19, are they up to the 19? What are they up to now? Let's see, USA Top Fighter Jet. All right, what do we got here? Don't even fucking tell me it's called the Sukhoi Su 57.

Is it made in Japan? Do we make anything here? Please tell me an Asian-American came up with that and they make this in Indiana. Please, for the love of God. Do you guys know how fucked up that was? If all our fighter jets are made in Japan and then we have beef with them again.

And it's like, hey man, can you keep making us jets so like we can get you back for bombing the other part of Hawaii now? Top 10 best fighter jets in the world. The top seven US fighter jets. How come they're not doing the F anymore? The J, the F-22. Dude, I'm so old, I remember the F-16.

The F-16 was the bomb. And I remember a 240Z before the 280Z before the 300. All right, I remember the F-100, I don't. It was the F-150 and F-250. I just needed another example. What was another one where they just kept going up? The Mazda RX-7, what are they, up to nine? I love how they don't start at one,

like Jordan's, like the sneakers, you know? Then there's the Jordan II's, the Jordan III's. They started like seven or a hundred. If you wonder what the fuck I'm talking about, I don't know either, all right? I have no idea. But anyways, I'm doing the God in the Dreams on April 2nd.

It's in the, it's the theater at Madison Square Garden. As I mentioned on Monday, this is where Eddie Murphy did the Raw special. So I always think about that. So I will be there. And I'm also the day before I'm gonna go, try to go to a Brooklyn Nets game. Now, I haven't gone to a pro game in a minute,

as far as checking another one off the list. And I had forgotten, I only need like six more teams. And I've been to a home game of every pro team in all four fucking sports. Now, there's a very select few of you that thinks that's awesome. And that's who I'm talking to right now. The rest of you could just fucking zone out,

because this part of the podcast, it's not about you. Any more than an average looking woman has to feel intimidated because, you know, there's another Cindy Crawford coming along. Her daughter's now gonna make a whole other generation of people not feel pretty enough. And I gotta tell you something, there is a beauty in coming to the realization

that you aren't pretty enough. And just embracing that, just being like, you know what? I'm gonna be the coolest six that walks into this bar tonight. It's all right being a six, then just add to it, you know? Tell a couple of jokes, learn how to juggle, you know what I mean? It's like, you ever see somebody when they get a three, a Chrysler 300

and they try to make it look like a Bentley? That's what you do. But at no point do you actually say that you're a fucking Bentley, or do you get mad that somebody's making a Bentley? Doesn't any of that make sense? I don't fucking know. This is usually a point here

where I would read some advertising, but I didn't get any so far. I wonder why, probably because I shit on every goddamn, one of them, you know? And they're fucking sensitive. I think these women today are fucking sensitive. You think these millennials get their feelings hurt. See these fucking advertising companies.

Can't say a goddamn thing. COVID-19 doesn't hit every community the same. Many of us have had COVID and no people who have gone to the hospital. Some never came back. Truth is, our community deserves better, better resources we can trust to protect ourselves. A good start is talking to our friends and family

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So, so here we are. And it's now time to talk about soccer, I guess. Liverpool, my adopted team is still down a point to those man's city cunts. All right, where did they get their money from? Somebody told me. God damn it, it's not Saudi Arabia. Is it, did they get it from Air Emirates?

Is that where they get it from? The airline? Throw some of their first-class fucking ticket money at them? I don't remember. Anyways, they're down a point. They're down a point and they got a game. Liverpool's got a game on Monday. They pay full, full them, as I would say.

So they're probably full-hand. Bull them, you go buy Bull a Willem on St. Paddy's Day. Oh, St. Paddy's Day, you gotta get out there where your green plastic hat, you know? Where's my hashtag on that day where I get offended? Is everybody's going, green alligator in the long niggas? Everyone's getting shit.

You don't realize how fucked up that is. You know, how funny it is, Irish people, or part Irish people, they go out and they just like, there's no other fucking holiday where people go out and people who are that nationality literally go out and do the most negative stereotype of themselves. You know? Black History Month, everybody's on their best behavior.

Right? Jewish holidays, everybody's fucking chilling. St. Paddy's Day, what happens? Hi, everybody goes out, gets drunk in the fucking street, dresses like a leprechaun, and passes out in the gutter. That's what happens, right? Fucking corned beef sandwich, fucking hanging out of the side of your mouth.

That's what I always hate about that holiday. It's like, one of the prides of the Irish is not only do you drink, you can handle your fucking liquor. Don't, but don't, can you guys just, just don't make a mess of yourself. Fucking sitting there drinking green beer. The fuck are you doing? Oh shit, Odell Beckham Jr.

Goes from the Giants to the Cleveland Browns. Cleveland Brown fans, beside themselves. Can't believe they're good fortune. Now they got that kid there, what's his face there? They got the quarterback, I just based on his name. Baker Mayfield, right? He's got a little bit of a swagger. He likes talking a little bit of shit, right?

He likes doing something and doing a little dance in front of the fucking crowd. Now he's got a wide receiver, right? This might work if they have like an Al Davis old school sort of thing because this reminds me of what the Raiders used to do where they would take the fucking people everybody said don't take or the outcasts from other teams

and then they would go in there. Everybody would just be themselves and they would have a good time. I hope it works out for the Browns. My gut says, I can't say that it won't. It just all depends on the coach, the personality. Like that's a good Rex Ryan team because then he's talking shit,

Odell's talking shit, Baker's doing what the fuck he does but it's definitely gonna be exciting but I actually think it was a good move for the Giants. He didn't kind of fit into their vibe, defensive minded organization. You look at Eli shows up, he's got khakis on, he tucks his shirt in, I mean that's what the Giants, I guess have become.

I don't know, you listen to some of those LT stories, Odell should have fit right in but I don't know, it was a big move and I don't think they had to give up too much for the guy and they got a lot of draft picks so we'll see what they do and I've got a couple of friends of mine that are Cleveland Brown fans

and they're all saying that GM knows what he's doing. So who knows? The only thing I need out of Cleveland Flans is to stop calling your stupid city the land. Oh, fucking Midwest people, the land, the Berg. Do they call Cincinnati the Natty? Get on the bus, you're in Columbus, you get it? The day, welcome to the day.

Is that what they say in Dayton? Huh? All right, sorry, I'm being a cunt but it's what I do. All right, that's it. I'm gonna be out and about in LA doing some spots, bombing this weekend, probably down the store on Friday. That's the deal, all right? So go Bruins, go Celtics.

Baseball is starting up, interesting stat here. And this is something on the success of the New York Yankees. You realize the New York Yankees are so fucking successful that since they got Babe Ruth, all right, from the 1920s to this decade, they've only gone one decade where they didn't win at least one World Series and that was the 1980s.

And even still, they went to a World Series in 81 and lost. Right, if they don't win this year, this will be the first time that, that's the only second time this has happened since women were allowed to vote. Okay, which was another huge, huge fucking mistake by this country. Okay, you should have kept those fucking broads

in the kitchen, no. I think it's great that they can talk more. I'm not the only one who's like not looking forward to this next election, presidential election. I just don't see this, I just see it being a repeat of a few years ago and it's just gonna be a fucking train wreck until you get that cancer out of the locker room.

I just don't know what it's gonna be. If I was running for president on the Democratic side, what I would learn how to do is talk some shit, all right? Stop trying to talk about issues. What you need to do is you need to go in there, you need to make fun of his hair, make fun of that toupee, make fun of his fucking big motherly hips.

You gotta go after him like that, all right? Why is your face orange and underneath your eyes is ghost white? Do you have a tanning bed? Is that some sort of cream that you put under your eyes for puffiness? That's what you do. Do not go up there and try to talk policy

and interrupt the shit out of him. Just do what he does, completely ignore all the fucking rules and then when you get called on it, just act like a victim, all right? That's what it's gonna be. This is what politics is fucking become. I mean, I'm acting like it was on the up and up before that, but I don't know, we shall see.

Although I do have to give Trump some props grounded in that airplane, right? He did do that. He did try to pull the troops out of Syria. You saw the Democrats in the republic. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't do that. You're biting the hand that feeds. Biting that corporate cash,

all spilling out of their pockets and you watch all you ladies out there loving your girl there. The 29 year old chick, you watch, you fuck it. Well, how soon before she gets a book deal? How soon before she's somehow a multimillionaire only making 150, 200 grand a year? But she has a vagina, so do you. So you should vote for her, right?

That should make you feel good. All right, that was a cunty way to end, but that's how it's gonna happen. Enjoy the music and there'll be another half hour of greatest hits from a Thursday afternoon just before Monday, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast from earlier this year or years before, I don't fuck it.

All right, have a great weekend. You cunts, go Liverpool, I'll see you on Monday. So your love's troublein' me, oh, God is serving me. Layin' everybody with a love song, hey, hey. Find a convenient streetlight, step aside of the shade, he says, you and me, babe, out by the river. Juliet says, throw me home. Nearly give me a heart attack.

He's underneath the window, she's sayin' ain't I, my boy friends, but you shouldn't come around here. Sayin' I'm with you. I think she's gonna be on that show. And Naomi Campbell, she's like 52 and she still looks sexy, so it's like Tyra got a lot of years to go, babe. Who did we see walking away from that hotel that day? Oh, Cheryl T.

Cheryl T. Still lookin' good? That time is a bitch, man. You really, dude. Time is a bitch, no one escapes. You're a judgemental, mom, for God's sake. I'm just a judgemental. But I think you got a bit of a fetish.

Known you for a while, an older white woman, and he picked some bad ones, Hillary Clinton. My favorite old white woman. Number one is Carly Simon. I will still pop Carly Simon. I don't know why, I don't know why. Everybody got their fuckin' fetishes. Ah, that Alvin cover alone, which she was on all fours.

That big mouth? That's what I'm sayin', fuckin' Kelly LeBronk, man, that bitch is... By the way, a lot of people backed us up on that one. Oh, yeah, back you up. A lot of people were calling in, sayin' that Kelly LeBronk is still hot. In fact, you see us, are you jokin' me?

Hop up. What a lazy ass, what a lazy ass. But we saw a lay. Movin' back, though, we saw Cheryl T. He's leavin' the Donald Trump roast. Yeah, Cheryl T. We had the great seats from Voss. And well, yeah.

Fairly in the building, thanks, Rich. I got your tickets for the Trump roast. Section O, it's gonna be great. You know where we were? We were behind a monitor that was showing the roast. Behind it, on the second floor. Dude, everyone's goin' in the main ballroom and we headed our tickets like,

oh, we're gonna be hobnobbing with the top celebrities in New York, right? Also, the usher looks at our tickets and goes, oh, you gotta take that elevator and then that escalator. But, and then you think, all right, well, you know. It's an elevator. You ever see a roast where there's an upstairs? It's always, it's the dais and the tables.

So it's no upstairs that are roasts. So at first, we're like, all right, well, we'll follow all the other people that have seats in that area. No, there were maybe another 20 people that had seats in that area. And we sit down and then my seats stunk. I had to stand up and look over this video screen

to see anything. Couldn't tell who was up at the, they were tiny. Dais, they were tiny elevators, like holding cable and shit. Yeah, that's what it was. They were all tech guys, gaffers. Heading for the fucking mixing board. So heading for the walkways high above.

So we leave the roast. We're walking back toward the station and we're right behind Cheryl Teague's and her white, old, saggy ass. Like how bad did it look though? I mean, it was bad. Here's what I'm saying. For an old, old lady, she probably isn't that bad.

But when you compare her to the Cheryl Teague's poster that was on everybody's wall with the netting that she was just wearing a net and her nipples were poking through, I mean. You wouldn't fuck Sophia Loren? No. It's just because she exists. She's 60 something years old.

I'll hold that for me. Sophia Loren. You gotta pop a douchey to fuck it. No, I don't. There's gotta be just a glimpse of just young Sophia's one. No, just half a pussy lip. Ain't nothing left there. Believe me.

And when you see these people out, remember, they are looking their absolute best. This is the best they can possibly look. How old is Cheryl Teague's? 50? Gotta be. She's gotta be. In her 55.

And it's nothing. There's no redeeming sexuality. She's not a drop. I didn't see any redeeming sexuality. I saw an older woman that you look at and go, all right, she's an older woman that doesn't look like she's ready to fall apart. The old broads.

Yeah, women who continue to dye their hair that long, it becomes like a fucking bird's nest. It's all dried out shit. And then also, you get into your 60s. It's like the smell of rotten, of your tending death. So you start having that old person's smell. And you see the top of the head. Yeah, because when it gets to what you talk about,

you see right through that cotton candy hair. It's like the fucking white cotton candy hair. And you see the scalp right through it. The rate is at a low. Old age spots in the back of her hand and she's jerking you off. I'm on a liver spot. You got a fucking old Sophia Loren fucking movie

on the TV. Try not to look at these. What happened to that broad? Wait, wait, Cheryl, don't drink out that cup. That's not the cup Jesus had, no, that's the wrong. Oh shit, bitch, close your eyes, Sophia, close your eyes. Don't look at him. It's so unopened, the arc of the covenant

in front of that bitch. Right on, man. No, she looks like a nice older lady. But you know, you have a, you're just against, you're just against old bitches. I can feel it. Wait, you know what? I disagree with that.

It's not, I went when I, It's because the hottest old bitch you could think of. It's because he's compared it to the memory he has of being young. Yeah, that's what it is. It's hot. And remembering what she looked like. Oh, who's the hottest old bitch you know?

That's a damn good question. The only reason we knew her was because she was a sex symbol. So already there. Hotest old bitch I know. And, and, and here's the, here's the criteria. The answer is not one that became, that used to be hot, super hot and just maintained it.

But like, she used to wait, she used to be super hot. But now she's an old bitch like Cheryl Teese, but she's, you still like, you know what I'm talking about. Well, what's up there for a while? Oh, good God. No, I mean, now motherfucking now, not then, not when she was old and 80. Remember, not, not when Dick Clark was still young.

What's with that kabuki makeup? I'm talking about right this second, she's a bad bitch. God damn. At least, what's, what's old enough for her? All you gotta do is go back to the seventies and think who did, who did I want to fuck back then? I was trying to think, but they were all, I never wanted to fuck like moms back then.

Old bitch. It was never a hot looking mom. An old bitch that you would beg right now. Pam Brea, Pam Brea. I got her. Who? Jessica Simpson. What?

Why? She's a bad bitch. Yeah, she's old, she's on the old side. 22 years old. See, I took the bid and went the other way. I can't think, I'm trying, I'm going through like old seventies TV show kind of things. Something like 80s, Harry and Ross always seemed

like a filthy little boy, and it's Mary and Ross. See, the mother from Happy Days, that bitch was old then. I liked Karen Grasso from Little House on the Prairie. The mother from Little House. Mary and Ross was a bit of a whore. Well, there's always, there's always aunt's mom. That is hot. It's something her and Fonzie going to go,

no, talk about my mom. There's always aunt's mom. Shut up. Anthony's mother's hot? Yeah. Never talk about my mom like that. I had to talk about it in nice words. He just takes care of herself, but you know,

she's no spring chicken. Oh, that reminds me of a real awkward moment I had with a good friend of mine the other day. Really? He came to town, I took him to a next game, right? And he's sitting there, right? And I go, and he's talking about my little sister. He goes, well, how old is she now, huh?

And I'm like, he goes, is she in high school? Yeah, I go, dude, if you can believe it, she's graduating high school. He goes, good Lord, we're getting old. I go, yeah, she's here. Beautiful girl. And he goes, well, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

Your mother was always really attractive. But it was just kind of silent. Oh, great. Jesus. So I used to jerk off to my mom. Great. It's great to know. Yeah, you got to fill in the blank and get that.

That's the obvious bridge. Linda Carter, Pat Benatar. Linda Carter. Linda Carter. Now Linda Carter? Now Linda fucking, yes. Let me tell you something. I wasn't into Linda Carter when she was Wonder Woman.

Let me tell you else. That bitch from Buck Rogers in 24, Erin Gray. She was very hot during that time, not now. God, she's still a hot bitch. I'm still my old bitch. I still fuck her. Well, but she got that carved up face. She is really old.

Let's go to Jim and Waco, Jim. She got those two guys. Yeah, Linda Carter, man. Every time I see her, all I think about is that slow motion. I hated those fucking big bloomer panty things she wore. It made it look like she had like a bun. She would be walking around with those now. I have a nice, perfect career secret by now.

It's really hot in here. That big bloomer bitch with those fake boots. No, I was never into her, even as a kid, like when she was Wonder Woman. She was too motherly looking. How about Lonnie Anderson? She was too old. She's just getting hot.

She's just, she's getting hot. When I was fucking, when I was 10, I was into 10-year-old girls. When I was 12, I was into 12-year-old girls. 14, 14-year-old girls. That's how I went. I was never like 14 into 38-year-old women. I never found them attractive.

They were like moms. So whatever your age is, whatever my age was, up until 15, and then it was always just 15-year-old girls. So 14, so here's what Anthony just did. He just meant, okay, so 14, you weren't into 28-year-olds. So that means though, so let's double it. He's not into something double his age, so Anthony's about eight.

So how old was she? Got to be 122-years-old, right? No. I was trying to back you into that corner. Yeah. I completely dove up. I know. Bo Derek.

Bo Derek is coming in. Bo Derek. Bo Derek, still hot. Bo Derek, now, okay, if you gotta point out a hotter, older woman. All right, I'll give it to Bo Derek. Bo Derek, she still looks good. It doesn't look like she's trying to keep herself

young with fucking surgery and shit. There's nothing worse than these duck-billed, fucking-old broads walking around, with your God-given, ejected lips, thinking it looks good. Ladies, you look freakish. You look like ducks. It's creepy. Can you talk like one of those ladies?

Could I please get a pedicure appointment for next week when I talk to you? Oh. It is creepy. It is awful. I went in the hole. When I wanna realize it was just from the time that I was born, I'm gonna be an angel.

God, I'm sorry. Late everybody, old, will have some damage. Finds out streetlight, steps out of the shade, he says. You and me, babe, how about it? Yeah, so you and me, babe, how about it? You and me, how about it? You and me, how about it?

You and me, how about it? You and me, how about it? You and me, how about it? You and me, how about it? She's leaving for the couch, taking her place as the haze's 100 pound lab. Bask in that dog breath, Steve. With all this struggle, Steve should get inspired.

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