Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-14-15

Episode Date: May 14, 2015

Bill rambles about Brady again, 19 shows and some other shit.

hey what's going on how are you just checking in on you I can't go up that hi everybody I am 10 shows in to my epic 19 show run at the Wilbur Theatre in Boston Massachusetts and I gotta tell you I'm a little bit I got 10 down 9 to go and I gotta tell you this was a stupid idea should have played a venue a little bigger now the shows have been going great but I've been doing all right I've been taking a steam every fucking day little eucalyptus spray I'll be able to tough my way through this shit man that's the extent of how difficult my job is I think my voice will I think my instrument will hold up

you know you have all you other people doing your fucking back breaking jobs right now you're not how many back breaking jobs are even left in this country isn't it all infrastructure other than UPS people on a load and unload UPS trucks construction what else is a difficult job early on in your relationship and your girlfriend has a fucking birthday coming up that's a difficult job dude what do I get it you know what I mean it's like I don't love her but I still want to fuck her right what kind of gift is that dude you know what should I do should I get her a blouse should I take it a Starbucks gift

certificate my accent's gonna be coming back really strong Jesus Christ I met this guy last night and so many people think the Boston accent it's just that practicat and a habit yet they met they miss all the part of it this fucking game oh come on Joe you got to do your job job jjwb guys comes walking and he's not doing his fucking job Joe there it is fucking job Joe you know so anyways I gotta tell you you know I was fucking ragging the last two podcasts about Tom Brady and I gotta be honest man what a what a difference a couple of days makes this is all gradually just gonna blow over with real sports fans people who

just straight up hate the Patriots will fucking now they're saying Aaron Rogers likes his ball a little overinflated Minnesota heats up the footballs and Tom Brady lets a little bit out the end of the day you still got to throw the fucking thing right fucking idiot saying he's cheating is that all you have to do to make it in the NFL is let a little bit of air out and all of a sudden the ball goes exactly where you want it to be it's so fucking dumb but I'm looking for the Patriots to you know Brady's already hired a lawyer they're gonna go at this fucking thing I think we're sick of other teams in the league fucking

doing all this country shit to us trying to make it look like we're a bunch of cheaters when we're not we're just kicking your fucking asses why don't you grow up why don't you take your fucking skirt off and just play the fucking game and quit looking under every goddamn jockstrap because we could do the same thing to you all right your bunch of pussies sorry I'm really just talking about the Jets I'm talking about the Colts and I'm talking about every other sports bar cunt out there I love to how everybody acts like they've never been guilty of any sort of gamesmanship looking for a fucking

edge right you never took a test and kind of glanced over at the smart chicks fucking paper over there right little gamesmanship whatever I'm actually in a great sport mood at this point because I've realized at this point that I think Goodell after all he went through last year with the Ray Rice thing I'm with under suspending somebody now he's like a fucking like a baby poisonous snake just unleashing all the venom when he doesn't need to do that you know I guess it's within every team's right if they want to fucking I mean I don't know I look at it like when they said George Brad had too much fucking pine tower on

his bat oh really is that why you hit the fucking home run to win the game really cuz he had too much too much sticky stuff so he got a better grip on it that little bit of extra sticky stuff you know if you never hit a home run in a major league ballpark I don't know if you know this all you have to do is put a little pine tower a little bit beyond the label on the bat and you'll be the thing's gonna be jumping right off the bat it's crazy man I don't know why McGuire and those guys you know poison their bodies with all those steroids all they needed was just a little bit of sticky stuff on their bat and then

forget it so anyways in other sporting news all Canadians you fucking lost again I'm just give I would I shouldn't be rubbing it and what the fuck am I to say my team didn't even make the playoffs but congratulations to the Tampa Bay Lightning and Canadian fans as much as I give you shit you know fucking I'm not you know what am I gonna do you guys got fucking 97 cups you know granted both of them were one when your team was your team playing was like a biplane you know I don't understand about Canadian fans I always give you shit about how long ago you won the cup and there was only six teams in the league

why don't you guys ever say back to me yeah and the Bruins were one of them so why didn't you guys win 20 cups bunch of people in French just said we exactly um let's see here so I am 10 shows in 10 shows and by the way the curse of Patrick walk continues it's all I'm saying it's all I'm saying and now I got to congratulate New York City well congratulations to the New York fucking Rangers I actually hate to admit this but I actually I actually like the Rangers because I remember when they won it 94 that just was that's to me that was the greatest year in hockey ever saw Mark Messier we will win you know

breaking a fucking 50 some 54 year curse an original 16 it was great man it was fucking awesome and also at that point the Red Sox hadn't won the World Series yet so I remember watching that going like wow maybe that's what that's gonna feel like when we finally beat beat somebody to win a World Series so god damn it Washington Capitol fans I mean what did you do you know you know we'd be a great fucking sports show if you had like Washington Capitals and like San Diego Charger fans sit down right and just talking about all the shit that they've been through right and then in the end you know Jason Lawhead comes in

crying worse than anybody is a Cleveland fan and then a Cubs fan walks in with this horned rim glasses acting why asking why anybody really gives a fuck as long as you take your shirt off and have a good time who cares right who cares a fuck fucking Red Sox one oh I'm back in being town I'm cage peeping up with the sports there Red Sox one two to nothing against the A's actually won the series I fucking miss it back here man I really do sitting there talking to my wife about it going what the fuck are we living out there in a goddamn state that has no water you know what I mean coming back here lush land bunch of trees

lakes you know I really miss my hometown I fucking love it back here and I'm trying to see like what I go fucking nuts if I move back here I mean kind of be difficult to still be in this business you know to get acting work or not be based here but I don't know I gotta admit I gotta admit it turned me on good fellas reference for you there so anyways I gotta try to conserve my voice I don't even know what the fuck I'm gonna talk about this is how out of it I am last night I came home I fucking come home late at night as always oh me and Verzi one night Jesus Christ Jesus Christ dude we fucking we stayed out till

like five in the morning I was driving home and the sun was coming up I was sitting there like what am I doing we ended up we finished our shows and then these guys were saying hey you know you got to come to our dive bar our dive bar around the corner and we're like well you know we got a couple of cigars I know I know I said I was quitting but whatever we got a couple of cigars and I wanted to fucking needed a place where we could smoke them right so he goes yeah yeah you know come on over blah blah blah blah I probably get this guy and I don't get this guy in trouble and then we went outside we smoked him in

the alley I want to thank everybody at Bitty Earley's flet in a smoke legally outside in the alley it's not even an alley they're outside in the sidewalk so anyways we fucking ended up going there and these guys fucking hilarious guys it's off-duty cop it's off-duty fireman and they just walk they were already you know fucking four hours into drinking at least you know and we just come walking in stone sober now had me and Verzi been a little hammered then we would have started telling stories but instead we just listened to the show and this fucking guy man I swear to God he's

telling this story and he's going like all right you're not gonna believe like fucking like leaning in on us he's going you know I got fucking I got fucking two kids right I got I got a son and a daughter by two different women I know I'm fucked up my life's fucked I know so anyways my daughter she's like fucking ten years old and she starts asking me about the birds and the bees I'm like what the fuck I mean I don't even know what to say so I just start I freak out so I I email my ex-wife you know because I can't call her because of the restraining order and then he makes this face it looks up in the air like

whatever that is and then he fucking goes I fucking end up telling her I don't even know what I said to her I was like you know a man a man's penis gets erected it goes inside and it fertilizes I do it I fucking blacked out I came to like fucking 20 minutes later and she's staring at me my daughter and then my new girlfriend's looking at me like dude what the fuck did you say I mean I said what what am I supposed to fucking next thing you know he's talking about the marathon bombers and how he was one of the guys that had the rifle on the dude in the boat and he's going I got the FBI over here the fucking CIA's behind me I

got my gun on this fucking dude right I got it on him the FBI is in the other room fucking dude he started the story like 15 times to the point I finally go hey what side is the FBI on and he doesn't miss it be the FBI's in the other room the CIA's behind me it's like dude just get to it and then the fucking fireman guy goes and yada yada yada you didn't fucking shoot him your bunch of pussies so those you haven't been keeping up on the on the whole that whole story there with the Boston Marathon bomber like he's on trial right now and I'm listening on the radio was listening to one of those NPR things and

they're talking about how you know the big question is you know when they convict this guy does he get life in prison or that do you fucking kill him and you know I think it's a no-brainer you take him out his life is already over what are you gonna do just stick him in a cage it's over you know what I mean they're trying to pull that shit you know he was really influenced by his brother yeah you know I was influenced by my older brother but you know if the second he starts going hey let's stick a fucking bomb in a mailbox next to innocent people children you know at that point I'm like hey older brother you

know I think you're kind of going down a road I don't want to be on I don't know yeah I think you put him you put him down you put him down like a rabid dog am I out of my mind I like when they go like we don't come from a country that's an eye for an eye the fuck we don't what fucking history book are you reading what happened when they scalped a couple of us Jesus Christ we committed genocide can't take out one fucking bomber come on all right this has been conservative bill coming at you here in the podcast so anyways for those you guys who are new to this podcast I do this podcast every fucking Thursday right

where people just you know I just check in on you that's all I see how your week's going you know I worry about you guys I worry about you guys just got my head buzzed at this fucking place I haven't gone to since I was a kid you know we just called the hack shop I'm not gonna say the name of it but that's what we used to call it this fucking guy go in there he's like fucking you know there's the guy that's kind of old and then there's the guy that's really old so I'm going you know and they're both finishing a haircut so I'm like come on almost old come on kind of old maybe really old won't get me of course really

old finishes first we get there right he's fucking funny as hell and I could just tell the old fucking things on even so I had to try to fix it when I got home you know what I mean you know we're giving you see me I gotta give the state troopers all right so anyways let's get to the the hashtags here shit that you guys want me to talk about I got home so late last night actually look for some reason you know what just an old new story pops in I started looking remember Shandra Shandra Levy remember that and there was that politician they were about ready to fucking maybe make a case on him and then 9-11 happened and

he never fucking heard about it again I always wondered about that okay the Thursday afternoon MMP for those are you people you people don't want to fucking email in its for Thursdays it's a hashtag TAMMP all right I know this one sucks so far I'm gonna I'm gonna try to turn it around here all right I you got to talk about dad bods oh yeah that was Michael Rappaport I am Rappaport podcast where he was talking about dad bodies I'm not a dad and I already have that body that fucking kills me that really kills me isn't it awful how in shape you can look in with the shirt on it's fucking unreal every time I'm

thinking I'm looking all right you know you catch that sideways view with you in the mirror it's just a fucking absolute shit show it's so fucking depressing anyways report show the NFL may listen to podcast Brady suspension could be overturned it better be overturned you know what I think all Patriot fans should do every Patriot fan should go watch that that fucking documentary on Scientology and rather than judging Scientology you know you should really will look at it be like well you could really make that documentary about any religion every religion at the core is a giant fucking guess right but the

greatest thing about getting clear is Scientology wanted to be recognized as a religion and then get that tax break in the IRS is like no you guys are a cult give me a break you know you're talking about spaceships we don't believe in that stuff so fuck you guys and they basically suit them they had like 2,500 2,700 of their members individually filed a lawsuit against the IRS never been defeated the fucking Mayweather right the Rocky Marciano of I didn't think they are a government agency are they aren't they work for the Federal Reserve which is a private group of people that don't that print the

money I don't fucking know all I know is the shit I over here and buzz so they defeated them 2,700 individual lawsuits from one group defeated the fucking IRS so there you go I say if they don't overturn this fucking Tom Brady suspension I am I am gonna fucking rally every Patriot fan I know to sue the NFL all right for emotional damage done for you guys lying about our quarterback who looks like a fucking astronaut okay we'll fucking we'll fucking sue you when that be great just fucking overturn it then we'd be called a bunch of crying wine and assholes but who gives a fuck that'd be fun get coming to work today

dude talking to my lawyer about my fucking lawsuit against the fucking NFL I really think we ought to do that fucking childish when is when I'm still waiting for the day that the light is gradually gonna shine on Jim Erse somebody at some point can you look under one fucking rock and just take a look at that guy I'll give you a hint he sits on the competition committee start with that just start with that and then you just look what happened when he sat there what his team looked like what its team's strengths were and what were some of the new rules that got implemented I know I know I'm fucking

going crazy I should be standing here with the fucking legal pad next to a fireplace doing stand-up in front of three people um all right let's see what else do we got what do we got here what if it's California against Florida for the cup your thoughts oh my god I didn't even think about that what if it's Anaheim versus fucking Tampa Bay just picturing that is really cheesy I would still watch though because they're great teams you know something you know what gives that really gives Tampa Bay credit I think is Steve Eisenman you know I mean he's such a hockey guy such an ambassador for the sport and I just think

what he's doing down there was great and I have to be honest with you I fucking love the lightning and I also love the devil rays the only thing I don't like about the devil rays is they're just called the rays you know I mean I don't get why people down there in clear water and Tampa I don't get what you're afraid of I've been down there I've seen the people all right the devil is all over Tampa okay I don't think it's gonna influence anybody one way or the other if okay if it was Tampa versus the Ducks you know I really like both of those teams I gotta be honest with you I like I kind of like what's his face

they're the former capitals coach because everybody was kind of like ah you know he doesn't have what it takes to get him over the hump I think either way it'd be a great story and I also love Eisenman so you know what I would I would root for a seven-game series if that happened but the other option would be Chicago versus the Rangers I don't know Rangers got a shot man they got a shot they definitely got a shot but I think most people are saying whoever beats wins between the Ducks and the Blackhawks but you know something I've missed all of this shit because I've been doing two shows every night down at the Wilbur

and I want to thank everybody who's who's been going coming out to the show I mean it's been fucking ridiculous I'm doing a late show on a Monday night Tuesday night Wednesday night just the fact that people even coming out to the early show so I'm blown away by the support out here so I hope you guys have been enjoying the shows I've been it's certainly having a good time performing for you other than my voice being a little fucked up okay Bill do you have any radio shows slash other podcasts not the Verzi effect that you already mentioned that you would recommend that you guys don't know about

I mean the shit I like the opening Jimmy show I always liked Howard Stern fucking the other guys I always like the other guys in Atlanta that she can listen to online this is a whole new game here actually Joe Rogan you guys probably already if you listen to my podcast you know about Rogan and Marin and all those guys you know what was a fuck my one of my favorite radio shows of all time was the Phil Henry show and he used to do this thing where it was this amazing thing where he would host the show he would bring up a topic and then he would have a caller call in but the caller was actually him and his

caller would just say the most crazy as shit and it would just get other callers to call in he was like the original troll and then the other people would call in and argue with this phantom caller that was actually Phil Henry and then he would and then he would moderate at the same time I and he's actually doing a voice on f is for family and I finally got I was so such a thrill to talk to him I asked him how he did and he just said he was clicking off from one microphone to the other and every once in a while somebody would figure it out and call him be you know is this the same guy and then you quickly

hang up on him and some of the classic ones at this point I think you can just listen to him online but he had one where he was talking it was like this like the 20th the 25th anniversary of the Star Wars trilogy and he called in and you know called in his own show basically and he was pretending to be some big Star Wars fan and he was going like and he was like yeah man he's going like an empire strikes back was awesome and I loved that part where where the with Darth Vader is like Luke I'm your father you bitch and blah blah blah he just kept going back to that quote going Luke I'm your father you

bitch and blah blah blah and Phil would then as the host go yes I remember that that was that was an incredible incredible twist in that trilogy I would think that all Star Wars fans will put that ranked that in the top three and the guy's like yeah man he said I'm your father you bitch and then somebody calls in he's going yeah I just want to talk to the caller yeah he just says Luke I'm your father he doesn't say Luke I'm your father you bitch and he just kept saying yeah yeah Luke I'm your father you bitch and the people would sit there and argue with it wouldn't figure it out he pretended to be pilots

talking about seeing goblins on his on his wings one time and some real pilot calls in go look I don't know who this guy flies forward but there's no way he's saying that he reported that to any sort of FAA agency or he would be grounded immediately and then Phil just goes are you calling me a liar and then we're just immediately launched into this argument it was fucking tremendous I don't know other than that you know I'm an old guy and all the radio shows I'd liked have gone off the air was actually flipping through the Boston stations here like whatever happened at BCN I couldn't find WAF WHJY it's all

gone it's gone anybody else remember that the big mattress show all right where we going oh hey Billy drum you drummer boy what you know about Jimmy Jimmy Chamberlain that's the guy from Smashing Pumpkins I believe right not as much as I should know does that does that count oh look at that somebody made a new logo for the Colts it's a blue and white pacifier right on the side of their fucking helmet I love it please more of that I would really enjoy it all right so let me read a little bit of advertising here for this week's podcast dude I am so fucking wiped out this was you know this was such an

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from seeing a bunch of people that I've gone to high school with people have been coming in and you know I've been having them come backstage and like I said it's been awesome you know I just been running to people and everybody seems to be doing well everybody's happy seemed to be happily married actually went to one of my friends who just got divorced in the last couple years and I got to tell you he was fucking ecstatic is there anything better as a guy than meeting another guy that's happily fucking divorced he's just fucking loving life you know he's got an apartment couple two three boys you know he's like oh dude it

was time it's he goes you know what I love about it best he goes I'll be sitting in my apartment there's a bar across the street and he goes I just think to myself wow if I want to I can just walk right over there I can walk right in there and get a beer you know very simple thing so I know right there a lot of women are probably thinking like oh this guy was a bad husband he was out there drinking all the time you know there's always that fucking option but then there is the other option that you know sometimes ladies you know you hold on to the reins a little too tight you know what I mean you kind of yank in

the head back and you know that horse wants to run you're gonna have you're gonna have some problems you know if you get some old mayor that's gonna go to the glue factory I'll let you fucking lead him wherever the fuck he wants you know you married a stud right you got yourself a million dollar horse there you got to let that thing run every once in a while there you go ladies and I go off to the pub and get a fucking good buzz going every once in a while you know I know you're married I know you got kids I know he comes home and he fucking mistakes to sink for the toilet but every once in a while you know maybe

once a month once a month you know that would be fucking amazing all right let's just say you're in a marriage right now and you know your husband is a little a little miserable you know and every once in a while he needs to go out and be frank the tank what if you just let him get uber right you get him a pair of bomba socks you get him an uber and say you know what honey once every four to six weeks you can go out with the fellas and just get absolutely fucking loaded all right you come walking in through the fucking cellar doors we'll have a couch down there you pass out the next morning the kids won't

know shit all right just fucking just blow out the pipes and then fucking then you can come home and then you know once every four to six weeks I get to go do whatever it is that women do that they consider fun I have no idea what you guys do what is it that you guys do you know I know women fucking love women love a glass of wine around four or five o'clock oh oh that is their cigar huh guys you want your fucking wife to chill out you know just fucking pour a glass every day around five o'clock as she's bitch-moning and complaining as you just go shh blub blub blub blub blub blub blub let us sit out right on the back

porch go ahead you know she's in a really bad mood pour another glass you'll be asleep by 6 30 right then you go in with your kids what do you do you throw in the fucking talking plane movie with dang cook is a voice right get dang cook a little bit of scratch your kids are staring there you know you fucking pour a whiskey that's that's what parenting is all about working with your partner so that the two of you can get a good buzz going every other day without the kids noticing and I know kids notice a lot but you stick them in front of a TV they got no idea what's going on right there you go and you know something I think

that that's one to grow on you guys ever watch those did I talk about this did you guys ever watch I already talked about this and I don't give a shit you guys got to look up will fortes like greatest hits on the SNL site just go on and just search will 14 you got to get those those ones will they do that those whole Jesus bill spit it out will they do the whole spoof on that's one to grow on well they got a what's her face there when she goes tapping tapping tapping on my keyboard got to get that report to my balls oh I don't what the fuck I'm talking about anymore all right ten shows down nine to go here's the

thing one next time I got next time I talk to you guys will be on Monday and I'll have my final two shows number 18 and number 19 all right Freddie Lynn who's a famous 19 Joe Thornton I'm trying to think in Boston sports is that what he wore Randy Vita has there ever been a great 19 in Boston sports wasn't Fred Lynn 18 or was he 19 maybe Randy Vita was 18 and Fred Freddie Lynn was 19 oh Fred Lynn oh what a fucking ballplayer the end of the day he was a California boy and he ended up with the fucking ended up with the angels oh that killed me you know that was our off outfield we had Fred Lynn and center Senna Dwight

Evans the greatest fucking arm you ever saw and we had Jim Rice and we had butch hops in a third Rick Burleson it's short Jerry Remi the REM dog at second we had George Scott at first Carlton Fisk behind the plate and we had Carl Yastremsky at DH we still didn't win a World Series fucking brutal absolutely fucking brutal so anyways I think that's it that's the the podcast for this week I know the energy is a little low here people just worked with me here over the next fucking podcast is I really got to go easy here in the voice because you know who's kidding who I don't really know how to write a joke so I do a lot

of silly faces screaming the f-word and I'm paying for it right now all right hey ladies once every six weeks you know just let them go out and get fucked up you know do them a solid and just say listen I'm letting you get fucked up but you have to be fucking husband of the year for a week is that cool be psyched be fucking psyched right and all you guys got to do every once in a while you pour a glass of wine and then you're good and then you're good and then your kids grow up to be raging alcoholics and you know what a family that drinks together stays together all right you guys have a lovely weekend you have a

great fucking weekend your cunts I'll talk to you later have you guys seen this stuff about the all the suicides at the at the apple plant you know that really country commercial where they go you know if you don't have an iPhone then you don't have the iPhone you know and I wanted to get an iPhone until I saw those goddamn commercials and they kept like just it's the most bizarre advertising it makes me angry at the iPhone I never had any anger towards the iPhone of the people who had one I never gave a shit I was like that phones to shit I heard it it drops calls I'll wait till it's on

Verizon and then right when it gets on Verizon and I'm all ready to jump on board they come up with this nanananana fucking cunty shit going you know if you had an iPhone right now you could be looking at the inside of your fucking throat and diagnosing your fucking throat cancer before it even happens you know but if you don't have the iPhone you don't have the iPhone it's like well fuck you I'm keeping sticking with the droid so anyways now I read they just had the 10th suicide at the apple plant now who's kidding who we all know that everything that we're wearing everything that we're using is made by some four

year old making six cents an hour somewhere well evidently they these people have had enough they've had 10 suicides at the apple plant here we go and the same day that Apple Dell Hewlett Packard promised to look into working conditions at China's Foxconn plant a 10th worker committed suicide the death of a 19 year old male worker that's too bad he was like one year away from getting his fucking severance pay or is a shit I fucked it up what the hell do you get it when you do 20 years on the force oh good I'm sorry everybody I'm on my fucking vacation mode what the hell I get my pension what is that when

you work 20 years on the force and he's only 19 you get it because he's been working since he was two oh Jesus the death of a 19 year old male worker also came just after the company's billionaire founder took the media on tour of the sprawling complex in response to accusations from labor groups that workers toiled in sweatshop like conditions oh hilarious so then the billionaire shows up they clean the place up stick in a water bubbler and go see it's great and I know what a lot of you fucking heartless cunts are gonna say you're gonna say well sweatshop labor is necessary do you want to pay

eight thousand dollars for a laptop well here's my rebuttal you know what if the cunt at the top didn't have to make a billion dollars a year you know kind of like when they were talking to the oil companies they go you're projected to make 350 billion how about you just make 340 billion do you have to make that much money that's the thing the people at the top are taking way too much fucking money there's no fucking way that the only reasonable way to make a laptop is to give people such shitty wages that suicide is a better fucking option and you do it at the fucking plant to make some sort of political statement there's

just no fucking way how about the people at the top you mean once you got a hundred million dollars don't what do you ever need to get another paycheck I don't understand that I don't understand that and I'm not saying that the people at the top shouldn't be filthy stinking rich because they came up with it but you shouldn't be paying people this shouldn't be sweatshops everybody that's all I'm saying and what sucks is that we actually came up with unions in this country because of sweatshop like conditions and but what ended up happening was the people in the unions took advantage of it and with their strength

they became a bunch of slothy douchebags to the point that there's a lot of people who actually have negative views about unions that's how bad it is in this country and they're actually excited that they're gonna do away with unions a lot of people want to do away with fucking unions rather than reform them but to do away with them is we're gonna end up like these poor bastards and fucking China you know so and shit together and going you know what I think I'd rather jump out a fucking window than make another goddamn iPhone so anyways it says the company has bought psychiatrist and Buddhist monks to the factory to the

factory complex to support workers and now plans now plays soothing music along production lines why don't you just fucking pay them it plans to install 10 foot tall fences to stop workers jumping from buildings and may give workers a 20% pay raise this is how tight these fucking rich cunts are let's play soothing music and put a fence up we'll try we'll try that first rather than just giving them more money what is it what is it 20% pay raise when you make it eight cents an hour anyways Foxconn representatives maintain that the the increase would not be in response to the suicides but is being

considered because business has been good give me a fucking break my neighbors ass yes generally speaking with yes hey bill of the podcast no that's east coast okay that's why people bitch where the fuck is a podcast I need some advice on what to do about the gut this guy lives in a few houses down for me I'm a third-year college student and I live at home my parents moved to go live in the state above mine you mean north and I currently reside alone while they are trying to sell the house a few months ago I was driving home coming back from a gym and while I was driving in my

neighborhood I saw this guy step in the middle of the road about 20 yards for my car he was yelling something at me but I couldn't hear what he was saying I slowed down and stopped my car right in front of him and he came to my window and told me to get out I was totally confused and thought I'd run over I thought I ran over his cat or something also I think he just moved in because I never seen the dude in my life so I rolled down the window and asked what did you say he goes I'm gonna kick your fucking ass get out of the car this guy's probably in his 40s and asked to be around 510 is that is this me 250

pounds that's not me 21 6 3 200 I do crossfit and I wrestle occasionally at another gym I go to so I get out of the car and I'm standing there trying to figure out what the hell is going on the guy starts moving towards me so I take the initiative and take a step towards him we end up being an inch from each other and he's trying to do some alpha male ship by just staring at me but I have the height advantage so I'm looking down at him at least 10 seconds go by before the guy goes how fast do you think you were going back there I say I don't know probably around 30 the speed limit my neighborhood is 20 and I know

I wasn't going that much over then he goes I'm not gonna have my children playing in the yard if I know assholes like you are driving like that in the neighborhood after he said that I saw his wife and son were a little off to the side of the road once the word asshole left his mouth I was fucking pissed I wanted to just tackle the dick and put him to sleep in front of his wife and kid to teach him a lesson but I pussied out and just apologized to him and said that I was really solid sorry and it wouldn't happen again the guy then gives me a fucking little smirk and turns around and says while walking away with

his back turn it better not or you know what will happen oh yeah yeah you definitely should have kicked his ass you should have kicked his ass yeah what do you realize yeah what a good do you realize what this kid did he's such a fucking gentleman he could have kicked the fucking shit out of this guy he saw his wife and kid there it would have been a masculade his dad is Superman he sits there you notice it's that little smirk yeah that fucking smirk I bet that cunt steals from work yeah I bet he does sorry dude that's the first time I literally had to walk away you fucking cunt yeah you should have kicked that

guy's ass but it's a good you know I suppose it's good that you didn't do it because you weren't the bigger person as they say but he definitely has a comment this then he writes not to that that shit I wanted to explode I mean the guy totally disrespect me so I get in my car and drive off and the story wrong I couldn't get this fucking guy out of my head I do it I can't get out of my head I'm gonna actually fantasize that I was there and he did that what I would want to do I've already you know what I would fucking do I would wait till he was alone don't do this shit don't do this but I know what you just want to get up

get the guy alone and be like hey what are you gonna do now huh what are you gonna do now just get right in his fucking grill and have him back down yeah or I would almost just say the guy say hey listen man just come over the car and just say listen I just wanted you to know the other day that if I wanted to I could have fucking stuffed you in my trunk tied you up like a fucking pretzel and ass raped you in front of your fucking wife but I chose not to okay because I didn't want your son to know what a little fucking I can't say it pussy yeah he has for that wouldn't have been homophobic either I wouldn't

mean me talking about gay people that's such a fucking pussy move yeah and if for some reason but but I'm but I'm no then that's what you say maybe do it like Colombo just say listen that I gotta ask you something because I'm six foot three I crossfit I wrestle okay and just looking at you I know I could tie into a pretzel I know I could do it if I wanted to but the confidence you had I just want to know what what is your background you know cuz you know I'm a real competitive guy you know if you got some sort of martial arts training you know if I would love to have you once we don't come down to the gym sometime when

your wife and kid aren't there so I don't have to feel guilty when I fuck you up and close both your eyes with this one and his friend over here what is the rest of the thing say I don't need to read it's not but it's not over though I know because that's what's what's happening now this is what happens when you do the right thing in life okay when you know it eats away at you you have to make peace you have to make peace and you got to tell yourself the lie that someday this guy is gonna get his and you know what he doesn't guys like this don't get theirs oh that's smart I can this kid this kid really

painted a fucking picture I can this is driving me nuts he goes I couldn't get this guy out of my head a week went by and I was still thinking about that asshole dude I would think about this guy 20 years from now two weeks later I was driving home from school and I see the guy rolling his garbage can out to the curb I slow down to fucking under 20 and I know this because I look down on my spedometer I pretend to stare the guy down so I look at him and he looks at me and yells slow down wow now when he said that I am fucking raging I wanted to stop my car and do some ground and pound on his face yeah this kid

knows what he's doing this isn't wrestling like this kid's doing UFC shit but did I know I just drove off like a fag the next day I talked to my friend about it about what had happened and he said that this guy said the same shit to him if he said he would have put him on his ass I know dude you know what I would have done he told me that if he says he's going to kick your ass then that's a threat so you can defend yourself don't listen to your dumb friend he's saying you won't get arrested so a few months have passed and I'm still thinking about this asshole every time I drive by his house fast forward to

yesterday and I'm I'm biking in my neighborhood listen to an I hop and I hear a honk from behind me so I pull my bike over to the side of the road and it's none other than the same dude in his Ford F-150 driving along and he looks at me and gives me the middle fucking finger wow now granted I was in the middle of the road and didn't hear the guy coming because I was listening to music but still the middle finger so I bike home take a shower and try to convince myself to walk over the dude's house and confront him but after a couple minutes of pacing I just decided to wait it out until the asshole does

one more thing I mean I don't want to get arrested so my question is what the hell should I do I mean every time I drive by this guy's house now I want to fucking veer off the road and ram my car into the middle of his living room any advice would be good all of my friends think I should go over there but I want a second opinion you can't do anything to this guy unless he puts his hands on unless he puts his hands on you this is just one of these things but you can do to him what he's doing to you this guy has an insane temper so you know I'm not advocating legally so you don't do this but like I don't know what I would

next time you know if you see him out in the yard or something this is what you do I have a great idea do you have any friends who are really good mechanically why don't you take your credit card out go down to the fucking auto store or whatever I'll go online and buy like one of those fucking train horns and have it installed in your car and next time you drive down the street just be sort of zigzagging down the street just to get this guy to be fucking you know get like what the fuck in the second he starts screaming you lay on that fucking horn is loud as humanly possible and you blow out his eardrums that's what I would but

then again then no one do should like this he would say that I have permanent hearing damage you know what I think you should do maybe because I'm a female and I'm all about psychological psychological warfare what should you do I think when the husband is not home I don't know how if he knows his schedule whatever he needs to go over there when the wife is at home and be like listen you know I'm so sorry about that time that I was speeding I really you know but your your husband seems really upset I'm really not trying to be like that I would never do anything like that and women are like oh no no no because she knows her

husband is a psycho and like I mean she could turn around and be like yeah you shouldn't do that either but I have a feeling she's not like that and he can just go over and just make nice and be like the sweet kid that's helping out oh do you need me to take the barrels out he needs vengeance and then but then I feel like maybe that would fuck with the husband and he's like sitting there sipping tea with the the wife and oh look who came over he just wanted to apologize in person and you know I don't know I don't know you know it's a great thing to do and then fuck the wife there you go

no no no he should fuck his wife he should fuck his wife he should play with his kid in the backyard like toss the football around with him be more like that's the thing you can't you can't do it there's nothing like just start giving him the finger listen this is the deal all you got to do is just give him the finger give him the finger right back because uh this guy thinks you're a bitch right now so all you got to do is you know you can just yell back just say you know just give him the finger yell back at him when he's in the driveway I would like swerve at him and then swerve back just fuck with the

guy he's not I mean just do that once because the next time he might have like a video camera but um uh I I just don't want to get any I don't get any you know what if I was in that situation uh dude you know what I would do yeah oh Monday morning quarterback look well I was in that situation with that other guy right yeah at the last place we lived and I didn't fuck with him because he was an old guy I just didn't fuck with him and now we found out he has dementia and all his shit so I'm psyched I never

yelled at the guy you know what you do now you know what's what really diffuses angry guys like that or makes him even more angry is just laugh at him just keep laughing at him laugh at him give him the finger and just keep calling him tough guy all right there tough guy anything anything you just keep calling him anything that is remotely all right there Chuck Norris anything you want to say to this guy that will bait him into hitting you this is a really a fuck this is a great question and I don't want to get in trouble if some shit goes down

so you shouldn't do anything sir wink wink wink um this guy's such a dick I I know I always say you know fucking with somebody's car is like a pussy move but this guy's such a dick and he has like such a uh oh my god dude how many times you thought about throat to just choke slamming that guy right into the hood of your car repeatedly when you said I can stuff you into my trunk bend you like a pretzel and ass rape you in front of your wife no but if you just said it really calmly if you said it calmly with sort of a smile on your face you

come off like a fucking maniac yeah that's true if you scream that at somebody you just sound like you're quoting like you know Hulk Hogan or something right yeah let me tell you something brother come this Saturday I'm gonna bend you into pretzel and ass rape you uh warm things up this spring with a trip to serrillas where romance finds fantasy while flowers are blooming outside bring them inside with a hugely popular rose toy from ns novelties described as small but mighty the rose is 25

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