Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-16-19

Episode Date: May 16, 2019

Bill sits down with Duff McKagan of Guns and Roses to talk about his new album.

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I know you're probably thinking, what the fuck is this? This isn't how we normally stats it. Well, I didn't take a break during the next interview, so I got to read this thing now. Now if I can fucking find it, what the hell is it? Yes, this is the most unprofessional beginning of any podcast. Oh, here we go. Oh, this is for all you fucking people out there. Better help. Better help. Is there something interfering with your happiness or is preventing you from achieving your goals besides listening to this podcast? Better help will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You can stat communicating in under 20 hour hours.

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And I have a guest, a very special guest, one of my, I don't know, just the biggest fan of this guy and all the bands that he's played in. Just going to get right to it. He's got a brand new album out. Mr. Duff McKagan. How are you, sir? Bill, how are you? I'm doing great. You know, I got the email saying that you wanted to be on here. You know, that Duff had made a new album, a solo album, you know, when he wants to come on and promote it. And I got to tell you, you just came off that giant tour. You like how I'm all tangled up in the fucking wires here. I told you this was going to be a bare-bones operation here. How did you get the time? You know, because I'm such a pussy. When I go on the road for like a week, and I'm like whining to my wife,

I miss my kid and everything. And I know you guys had breaks and everything, but you did two and a half years on the road. How do you come out of that and be like, you know what? I'm ready to sit down and write an album. You're not like fried? Well, I think, well, that's two questions. I do that a lot. Yes. And so the being able to tour, like, I mean, I saw some tours when I was a kid. You know, I saw the clash before London Calling, and I saw this like, I mean, they were as exotic as Led Zeppelin were, but they were one of us. Right. And they made that known, like there's no difference between the crowd and the band were all in this together.

Right. That was an early influence. And then seeing Henry Rawlins, like get prepared. My first gig ever was opening for black flag both Ron Ray's a singer to singers before Rawlins. Okay. So when Rawlins finally came into black flag, there was a lot of talk, you got to step up that's a big position to be the singer black flag. And my band again, it was a different band, but we opened for black flag when Henry came in first like five shows. Right. And seeing this guy, he's super intense. He's still pretty intense guy, but this is, I mean, I'm like 17 years old and he just has Jim shorts on, you know, and he's pacing.

This is that sound check. I've seen him do stand up comedy and he just he just like they introduced him and he just like 45 degree angle right out to the mic stand takes the mic out and wraps the quarter round his arms like, All right, this guy's he's going in. Yeah. So seeing that like preparation he did for a show that kind of like that was a state in my head. Those are a couple of things that made me decide to be a lifer. Right. You don't have a choice in this anymore. Like what, how did you start playing music?

I don't know. I didn't have a choice. Right. Just and then, you know, so touring all these years. Now touring I'm 55, you know, like you have to really like you have to train like an athlete. Like do all those things you have to pace your days and and our shows are not short. No. Our shows.

Yeah. So three and a half hours. You've seen the size of our stage. Yeah. So you're probably running five miles a night with a bass on, you know, but to get to the writing the songs thing. I was in a position, you know, one that I didn't realize how much was missing in my life until we kind of the three of us. Axel and slash myself talked some stuff out and we decided like let's we were offered to Coachella. Let's okay.

I mean, we could do this, you know, but nobody else knows about it except us three. And we talked about those kind of things that were hanging there in the air for years. And the way we approached it with our kind of chess out and heads up and with honesty and rigor, you know, and it was so cleansing and going out and touring and then like, well, we can go keep we can keep going. We can do all of North America. We can keep going. And I had this, you know, right. You know, right. I think at that time where we're rehearsing for that, that we rehearsed for three months for that tour and we're like six hours a day, you know, how are you guys the first time you the first time you counted it off?

You hadn't played together in that long. Did it come right back? Was it right in a bike? I didn't just go to rehearsal. I mean, I spent a month in my basement. That's so cool. So you actually went back and listened to all your own stuff. First time probably ever, you know, like, OK, you know, yeah, I did the pre-work.

And I don't slide. We all did the pre-work. Did the young you stump the older you a few times? Like, what the hell was this? No, I mean, it's all in my bones. It's all in my muscle memory, of course. And I played a bunch of these songs in other bands and whatever. So it wasn't too far out, but there was some stuff like a strange that I hadn't played.

Coma, you know, like, oh, wow. Yeah. What kind of drugs were we doing to write Coma? I know. But also that weird thing where I've played this song around the world and I don't remember how it goes. That's got to be crazy. And it is in your, you know, you play.

And once you play around, you play. Yeah. But once you play on drums, a song a few times, it's going to be there. Your body remembers it. Um, but I had this, I went during the rehearsals, I got sucked into that thing that I think we all did. I was watching like, and it started very simply a friend of Susan Knights, the guy who actually set us up on the blind date.

He used to write for thrasher. He got into politics, became campaign managers for people. Um, and was John Kasich's campaign manager for that presidential bit. And he, he like texted me. He goes, Hey, watch my guy, John Kasich. There was that first debate of like 12 Republican, uh, nominees for the guys who were running and people that were running. And I watched John Kasich and he goes, Yeah, my guys are real centrist.

He's done a lot for Ohio. And he's got a backstory. So I'm watching him. And I see this kind of screaming and shouting stuff going down and like, Oh, this is a mess. But it got me into the news. And I started watching all the news and I saw, you know, I started following people on my Twitter. My Twitter, I originally got to follow the Chelsea Hawks, the Mariners, how awful they

are. And like a few of like people that I, you know, respect comedians or rock guys. Um, but I started following all these other things that just don't do it. Um, and I went down a rabbit hole and I'm smart enough. I read enough history. It's all like done since I was sober. It's over for 25 years. It's just, I read history.

I'm a total book nerd. Right. And so I'm watching this news and they start bringing on panels that are all yelling over each other. I'm like, this is an interesting way to keep people, they know what they're doing. They're pulling like their watchers, you know, this must be working because they're in the business of selling ads. I'm smart enough, but I'm still down the rabbit hole.

I'm looking at my Twitter and wake up in the morning and I'm looking at the news first thing in the morning and I get wrapped up in this whole thing divide. Like there's a divide out there. Whoa. I mean, I've been traveling this country for a long time and I didn't know it was there. Where have I been? It isn't in a way. So it isn't.

It's you're watching it on TV and it gets that's why I stopped. Not like I was ever the most informed guy, but I stopped watching it when it just the way they were spinning it. And it was just, it came up the same reason why I don't watch those real housewife shows is I don't want to watch listen to a bunch of people screaming and yelling each other. I grew up with that. And you start, it affects like my mood. And then I also think it's all bullshit anyway.

So I don't watch it. So you went down. I'm sorry. You went down that rabbit hole. You started. Yeah, I went down the rabbit hole. I mean, I, I, and I knew I knew I was going down a rabbit hole and I, and so there was one point in rehearsal, like we would talk about a rehearsal.

And one point I just right before right when we started playing this Coachella and then we went to Mexico City and came back to the state. I turned off the news before all that just stopped. Just stopped. Stop having Yahoo is my home screen because that used to be because you give the sports right pretty quick. That's the only reason. Yeah.

Yahoo was just filling out, you know, the important stuff, the important stuff. I muted everything on my Twitter except for the Seahawks and the Mariners. And I've done this for the last since again, since I've been sober, I read about all this history and I go to the places I read about. So I'll plan and this is a stadium tour. So we have kind of a day and a half off in every city or you have travel days if you're on a bus. And so I would plan my travel on my bus like, okay, DC to Atlanta.

What's in between Monticello? Let's go there. That's cool. Get the bus driver a room there. I'm going to Monticello. A little big horn. That's between Minneapolis and Denver. World War I Museums in Kansas City.

I want to go on the airboat with the guy in Louisiana and see alligators. I do this stuff every day off. And what happens when you do these things, these activities, you talk to people. And oftentimes I go to Monticello between DC and Atlanta. Guns and roses playing nowhere near there. So I can go in undetected. You can go to a little big horn. You can people because they're not expecting to see you.

They're expecting, you know, a few people go, whoa, duh, you know, but it's not like I kind of try to not go to the places in the cities I'm playing. If I can help it. Right. Sometimes like when I saw you in Paris, I just came from Normandy. I did a whole D day. I've been there. How crazy is that?

Yeah. I went down there the next day in the morning. I drove a van down because that's all they rented us. It's this big, stupid van. And I went down there and I got lost. Oh, you did. But I think, but I made it there. I just couldn't get back to my hotel.

I couldn't find it. So did you just walk the beaches yourself? I went and I smoked a cigar, sat on the beach in the morning, and I couldn't believe how moving it was. Yeah. And we took this incredible tour with this. We were at the beach with the craters. Yeah.

And the guy looks guy from Scotland and he took us all into all the bunkers. Yeah. Yeah. And they had this bunker where I guess Hitler had gotten gassed or something or saw people get gassed in World War One. Like when they went before that whole let's not try, you know, the poisonous gas you'd shoot at people. Right.

So he had showers installed in case, you know, any of the troops got, you know, if they used gas. So that was the weirdest thing. I was just like, oh, wow, that guy actually cared about something. Right. I don't think I saw that. Yeah. I would have rang the bell with it.

It was one of the German bunkers. And then it was like, right as you walked in, there was a little like a shower thing that like, I guess if, if whatever they spray you, if you hosed it off you, I mean, it's pretty ironic that he was concerned about that. Yeah. Yeah. I could see that, that, that, that like going, oh, oh, he actually, okay. He was looking out for somebody.

Yeah. Yeah. Other than himself. Yeah. Sorry. Anyways, but I, I'm going to all these places and talking to people and I'm, you know, thinking there's this big divide and, you know, red states and blue states and, you know, make a joke out of this, right?

I travel from state to state. I don't notice a red one or a blue. Right. It's all the same. And it was, it's been the same since I've been traveling since 80 punk rock bands, 82 and 83 throughout all of this travel. I've traveled the whole time and I've raised, we've raised our daughters who are now 1821 to be world citizens because that's what we all fucking are.

You know, let's face it. I'm an American and proud American. I make no, no bones about that. I'm, I'm super proud to be American. My dad fought world war two, you know, my parents grew up in depression to my brothers in Vietnam. We went to this amazing, uh, I've got seven siblings. I mean, the variety in our family is stunning, you know, and the things that I got to see

because I had this super cool mom, you know, Martin Luther King March when he died and all of these kind of epic things that I wish I was older when I did them. Right. But, um, traveling the America at first and talking to people makes this divide. Oh, it's another selling tool for the news and it's politics. Dude, you read enough to know better. Like you fell down a stupid rabbit hole. You bought it.

Like the guy in the, you know, Louisiana, you know, one's people you would think were are the other, you know? I mean, he was alligators like marshmallows. Who knew? And he, you know, one thing he commented, he's been doing it for 45 years because the marshes are disappearing. What do you mean? Because they are disappearing.

Like I used to be able to go through this channel right here. We can't, as you see, we got to turn around and go and our whole trip was this like circumnavigating old paths he used to go. And because it's like 900 cubic yards per 30 minutes or something like that. You give me some stat. So you find out more about your country. And I, what I found out, the thing that being, you know, getting back together with the band and those guys and that's kind of talking through things and getting on this back to

this place where we're friends and we're able to go out and like seriously kick some ass. And we never phone it in and it's back to that real thing and that brotherhood and it gave me like this intellectual sobriety or whatever clarity to go out and just, I was able to talk to people and put things together. And I started writing. Why are you out on the road? Yeah, I started writing. I thought maybe I was going to write a book, but I was reading Hillbilly Allergy by J.D.

Vance while I was out there. I read Sarah Cantor's View from the Flyover Country. I read some books and I thought, is there great books? Everybody should read them. I thought, well, should I put another book out of like my observations? Is that too much information? Too many observations and I've wanted to do like a really, as a sidebar to this. For the last 20-something years, I've wanted to do a record that's really toned down, like

Mark Lanigan, Johnny Thunder's Acoustic type of record. And I just didn't really have the time or the intent to do a record like that, I guess. I was writing all of these words like chapter beginnings, basically. And I carry acoustic guitar on the road with me, always. And in the rare moment that I was in a hotel room, I was looking at my computer, just like you have yours out. I had my computer, my guitar in my lap, and I'm strumming E major and a B minor 7 chord. I was reading the words to, it's not too late, turn out the song, everybody's lying. I need some truth, everybody's trying to push you to abuse.

And the whole idea of like, maybe I'll make that austere record now and get these ideas across. Well, I gotta tell you, you said a lot of things that I be the like, heard people that have respect say, like on this album, you know, you kind of talking about everything. First of all, the sound of it. I can't remember if I already said this to you or if I said this down on the podcast or if I said it in the driveway as you came up. But like, first of all, the sound of it is complete departure from anything that I heard you do in a great way. It's a record that I kind of felt like I wanted to go for a drive when I was listening to it. And it reminded me of like, it's kind of got that timeless vibe to it, which is what I like.

And what you're talking about, talking about everything about the drug epidemic, homelessness. There's that great line in there where you say, go for a walk and find my better man or something like that, which is literally something I've been doing just trying to deal with, you know, the big demon in my family tree is like rage issues, you know, and just how that way. Yeah, wears on people. Yeah, just wears on people and shit. So I just threw one listen to this really connected with this stuff. And it's it's kind of the stuff that I've been kind of saying as far as like sitting there going after you for a Caitlyn Jenner joke.

And meanwhile, you're out there talking to some guy is trying to go through a Martian. You're saying in a 900 something yards square footage or whatever is disappearing every day. And every once in a while, you'll see some anorexic looking polar bear. And you're like, I think this is the priority. And they got everybody screaming and yelling each other about just complete nonsense. And then when you go on the road, red state, blue state, this country, that country, I just find everybody is just walking around. You know, they're cool. They want to make sure they have enough money for food.

They want to find love. It's really basic. It's pretty basic. But then you put on TV is like everybody's just screaming, acting like the world is ending because of these other fucking issues. And it's like, no, this is the real shit that's happening over here. And I don't I don't know. Yeah, it's that I call it the support the troops like zombie mode. They got everybody in, which I just love that expression support the troops.

Like, why wouldn't you? You know, so it's like, do you support the troops? There's only one answer. Yes. And it's like, there you go. But it's almost like a bill where there's all this other shit attached to it. And then that supporting troops makes it like you can't question where you send them, how long they're there, how they're treated when they come back, who's making money, reasons why you go over there. And the second I found once that kind of took hold, any sort of intelligence discussion went from just support the troops, America.

And if you said anything the other way, it's like, oh, you're a socialist. Get the fuck out of here. Here's the truth of that. Presidents, kings, queens, war makers have never made a change that's impacted our lives. The people that make the change do the good are are us, right? What do you think about because World War Two seems like there was definitely, you know, obviously that had to happen. I mean, if they were going fucking what was going down, I mean, it had to be stopped. So at some point, like I'm not saying all war is bad.

Do you feel, do you feel that? Well, I was getting to a point actually was like support our troops, like a friend of mine and us helping each other instead of like the slogan, support your troops. You know, my friend is a mountain climber. He's a guy who was this biker guy got a really bad accident. Back is in a cage. His foot, they're going to chop it up and he decides to climb Everest and he goes through this hell and his personal hell. He gets to Everest and he climbs it and he's coming back from Everest. He gets on a plane from, you know, India to Germany to Mannheim and a kid gets on the plane.

Just came back from Afghanistan. Got his leg blown off, went to Walter Reed in Mannheim. You know, and my buddy Tim, this guy's kids there at the airport together. He's talking to the guy. He's got a, you know, kind of a temporary prosthetic leg and Tim's talking to him. He's got a cage around his back. My buddy Tim and his foot's hanging on, you know, by like just some glue and stuff. And he's talking to his kid, his veteran, marine kid, his kid.

Yeah. 21 years old. That's the thing when you meet him there. He's like, what are you going to do? He's like, I don't know. Maybe I sit on my mom's couch and even I don't know what to do. You know, so Tim's like, you want to climb the mountain. And he started one guy, but one guy and he got a bunch of us involved and we helped train these guys.

You know, my friend Tim now has got veterans of all seven highest mountains in the world. Legless, armless. One guy missing two legs. They did Kilimanjaro. Two legs missing. So he had these little climbing prosthetics for Tim's figured it all out like how. And it created this whole now network of these guys who find those hopeless guys who've just gotten back. And they get them into this, this climbing club.

I call it a gang. But you know, that's how you support your troops. You follow the lead of a friend, like a guy like my friend, Tim. Oh, I mean, you shouldn't just say that on Twitter. And then you're done. Like, so I hear all this. You hear and use a little American flag emoji. And then you've done your part.

It puts perspective on the like the social media side of, you know, help our troops like Tim's just doing it. Like a ton of people. This is in Hollywood. You know, people are jumping in and helping and doing raise the money. And these climbs aren't cheap and and coming to help train these guys. And that's that's how you do it. And that's the America. I know not the one I see on the news, not the one I see on social media.

You know, what do you think? I remember like when I first like hung out with you, hung out with you. Two things that blew me away. One, you tell a great street joke. Yeah, you do. And you already you had me laughing in the setup because it was something some joke when some guy went to a hotel and then you just I could see off the top. You had you decided to pick a hotel and you said it was this hotel and you described the architecture as as an aside. You already had me laughing.

And then secondly, we were somehow talking about all the high end fashion that women were into. Do you remember that? And I was just like, I remember as a kid, like I had never heard of Louis Vuitton. And if you wanted to get it, you would be a total fashion nerd and you'd have to go to like New York City, like Fifth Avenue, I would think. I guess. Or maybe had to go to Paris. I had no idea. Seattle, they probably didn't have any of that.

No. And now it's like I was doing some tour through the Deep South and I was in somewhere, Alabama, and they had a fucking mall and there was the same bags that you saw like in Paris. And I was like, just I know you're smart with money and shit. It's just like just regular people going out and buying, like spending money on bags like that. It was sex in the city that made that change, dude. Yeah. It totally was. But when that came on, my wife's watching all her friends, they're talking about shoes like Manolo Blonix.

What is that? They're shoes. Jimmy Chow shoes and bags and stuff. And that's when that whole culture changed for American, like purchasing. Yeah. You know what kills me is I spent like I always joke I spent like 15, 20 years in the back of the plane. Someday, by the way, I'm going to buy a fucking headphone cord long enough that I can. Oh yeah.

They got extensions for that bill. They do a guitar. So I just get an extension. I know. Probably radio shack, although they don't have that anymore. I know. They used to have one right down the street. I didn't go.

But I literally just felt the same. We were talking about the. Did I tell you about my friend? No. I love you. He lives in an apartment down the street from me. Him and his wife. Uh-huh.

They live in the apartment and he's become really good friends with his next door neighbor. Guy lives by himself. Uh-huh. Guys, they've been friends, really good friends with past like a year and a half. And my friend with his wife, he was watching TV last night in his living room and gets a text from his next door neighbor. Amen. I'm really sorry. I got to be honest.

I've been, I've been banging your wife for the last few months, but it's over. I've stopped. So my friend put down his phone. He went in the other room, got a gun and shot his wife and came back and sat down on the sofa. It's like, what did I just do? My God. And his phone buzzes again.

It's his friend next door again. Like, oh, sorry. I meant Wi-Fi. I was trying to guess where that was going to go. You can cut that out if you want. No, come on, man. You've listened to me play drums. I can't listen to you tell a fucking joke.

Um, but I, that's what has struck me when I met you. I was like, this guy, like that remind, that's like something a comedian does. Like looks at something and just how you, you put it together in like, uh, like, uh, with music. But like, I remember when you was saying that to me, I was, I was actually thinking, fuck, why didn't I think of that? Because that would be a killer bit. And because it always, like I was saying, oh, and I remember my thought, I was, I spent

like 15 years in the back of the plane. Yes. Working my way up, you know, I always say the last row, then trying to get the exit row, poor man's first class, right? That's actually sometimes. Can be better. Better. Yeah.

And then getting, finally getting up to the front. Um, so now I get, I remember walking past the front and it was like, whoa. Yeah. These people, these people do. Yeah. They'd be on like the phone or they'd be writing shit. They own banks and stuff. Yeah.

And, and for those of you still writing in the back, all they do in the front of the plane is just treat you like a human being to give you, that's all it is. They just give you a seat that actually fits a human being. They'll come by frequently and ask if you want water or food as opposed to jamming you in the back. So what has struck me over, uh, is the amount of people that I've seen that will come on the plane, you know, and you just, you know, a comedian, I just, you know, I'm always like looking at people and stuff.

And I'll see something come out of the Louis Vuitton bag. I'm like, oh, this person's probably sitting next to me. And you watch him go into the back of the plane and you just start thinking of like priorities. Like as far as like, I guess the bag, maybe that is worth more. You could sell it. I'm just thinking like, why the fuck? It's like the person who buys the flashy car before they buy a house and they're still like renting.

And I think that like beyond, since sex in the city that now the whole like social media where everybody is, is they're doing their own like almost like new cycle spin of the I'm crushing it. You hold the camera up so you look like 30% better looking. You got all this money and you just live in like, and all you're doing is you're taking snapshots of the coolest parts of your month. Not the one where you're fucking crying during a breakup or you lost your job. None of that shit is on there.

So it just kind of makes you feel like everybody is leaving you behind and that you need all of this stuff. And I think we're still learning how like it's funny because again, back to my girls, 18 and 21. So we had to, you're raising a kid, right? Yeah, I'm a rookie here. Two and a half years. Okay.

So our kids got to, let's say seven and 10, it's when social media was just starting to like be a thing. And so now you got to raise your kids to this social media thing too. How did you do that? By the way, we had to figure it out and crushing blows, you know, just school kind of like bully like, you know, social media bullying in school, like, okay, girls, you know, it's not real. It's just like, they would never say that to your face.

So you got to, and then, but, but, wait, I lost you this. So they would be getting bullied on social media from somebody at school, right? Like a different group of girls or something, you know, and so you have to, you know, girls are crying or something will happen like that. Right. And you have to talk to them like, would they ever say that to your face? No. Okay.

So you got to look at this as like kind of a pussy's way out, you know. So how does that work the next day at school? It's like they said, I'll let shit, you know, confront them like, I don't know how it works with kids today. Yeah. You'll, you'll figure it out. But I think what's happened, like it started off with the bullying and then, and then these kids became smarter.

They're also aware of what's going on outside as well. You know, they know that school shootings way more real to them than, than us. Cause it's happening and could happen at school today, right, right? They're aware of things that's more visceral. They're, they're, they're in it. Their social media geniuses, more than us, we, we follow dumb shit and like, you know, you can't say that they're, they, it's been part of them. So now that they're weeding it out, they're weeding it out.

And now they're starting to take the piss way more than we can. They're way smarter in social media than we are. And like the Insta life, the Instagram life, you know, probably seem, that's more of a more like 25 and above the people that their Instagram life is fabulous. Right. You know, the kids younger, this is my observation. Right. Take it for what you will.

No, I'm listening to this. Cause it's something that worries me because I think now, like my daughters and their friends, boys and girls, like we know all of their friends very well. We were like the house that's cool to come hang out and met some really astounding kids and, and they're taking the piss right now. And they're, they're kind of sitting there silently. Do you see Emma Gonzalez ever speak of the Parkland? Like those kids who spoke like through this thing.

And then we're smarter than you, you know, that is kind of this new generation that's coming up. It's not just Emma Gonzalez and the Parkland kids who kind of stood up and said, OK, hold on a second, we do have something to say. And here it goes. Right. Blown away by their intellect and like, OK, everybody's as smart as that. At 18, we're in good hands.

And the kids that I observe are just like that. And they're just kind of waiting like they're now 18. They can vote. What are you guys going to do with that? We're going to take over. You know, that's the answer. Every generation think that my, my problem is, is I feel like they're like. Like their hands are like bound, you know what I mean?

By the time you get to a certain level as like a politician, like. The way the money is set up, like they are there, all of these people's favors. And just I don't I also don't get why where it's like, hey, do you want cleaner drinking water and everybody goes, yes. And then they they get to attach all of this other shit to it. I don't I don't understand why can't the thing that we're saying yes to just be the thing that you're doing because I think we have to do it. Not the politician.

It's always been that way. We have to do it like my friend Tim and his mountain climbing things. We have to do it. Yeah, now that makes sense to me, but being able to like, so if they're saying they're going to take over by doing shit like that, if there's anybody young listening, that's the only way I think to make change is. Is you have to start it and do it at a small level. But if you like, I mean, when Trump, we became president and he said something

like, you know, I'm going to come in here and I'm going to drain the swamp. And I just laughed when I heard that it's like, and what do you think they're going to do? Just sit there and be like, well, I guess he got us. It's like, no one's going to work with you. If you're saying you're going to go in here and you're going to you're going to expose all like political corruption. Like at that level, it's just so walled off.

I don't know. I just kind of got back from Europe and I just felt a weird vibe when I was over there and I forget what country I was in. I was just like, are you guys going to start this shit up again? And it kind of got a weird laugh and then something in the back went, yeah. Like just the vibe over there was it's not the place I went to for the first time 10 years ago, where now it's just becoming like. Like look at like fucking Paris.

I mean, Jesus Christ. It's like it's a fucking. It's like a mosh pit over there every other day, like something crazy, like the yellow vest protesters. Yeah, the word that and then wage thing. And when I went to Sweden, there was these other people protesting and I was just like, what's going on here? And I talked to a couple of people over there who were Muslim and they just

like, yeah, racism is kind of like. It's not the way it is in the United States. We have like such a long history of it. So people really like avert with it over here and just in, I don't know. I don't want to like tell you what, what I saw because your album, I thought is really positive and I don't want to put my awful world view into it, but I kind of came away from it with the positive of just like, look, I'm just going to try to be a better person, try to be cool with the people that are in

my life and just try not to be a dick. Because other than that, this stuff is so big and overwhelming. I mean, I think what you just said, that's the answer. You know, I too have traveled to. That's the answer. You know, I too have traveled to European countries that I've gone to since. Shit, man, before the wall went down, you know, many years before the wall and then the wall going down and then, you know, opening up of Czech Czechoslovakia,

became the Czech Republic and seeing like all of this. That I remember poor, poor perestroika and, you know, the opening up of USSR and after that glass nose and perestroika and then the wall going down and then seeing those countries themselves, change Italy and Czech Republic and what's what's going on there now? You guys were we're super stoked. Now there's kind of another vibe going on. Yeah, that other vibe.

Talk to people. Why does that always happen? There's I think, you know, I read so much history. So there's cycles, man. Like in and we've gone through we're going through a cycle right now. There's I what I've learned from reading so much history is again, man, the politicians, American politicians, European politicians, they don't change. They run to get into office and you're right.

There's so many favors to be repaid at that point. And you know, man of the people or woman of the people that the ship is staying at sale by that point. And it's always been like the people that made a change. They've been just in really small little ways, very small little ways. And that's the positivity that we pick up from other people. They you you got to kind of bring it local into your own neighborhood. You know, if you got to solve huge problems like I always wanted like I was

sitting there thinking like what if everybody stopped watching the news? Then how would we behave? And it's like, well, before television, there was still all kinds of brutality. Which then made me think like, well, then how did they get their view out there? It seemed like back then what they would do is they would send people out to get slaughtered so then they could just be like, do you see what happened? Like sort of like with the Native Americans, where they would just make these treaties, like, OK, we're just going to go to here.

And then they tell people there's free land beyond here and they tell them something and they would go out and get slaughtered. And then we had to go get a revenge, which was really them just using people to go fight the Native Americans and then just take more of the land. I don't know. I have this odd sort of like. I don't know. I don't know where I am now with the world.

It's a little bit, but I'm also like super positive locally. Like I'm just kind of like just person to person is a real positive experience for me. But it's why I don't like when you saw the school shootings and all that type of stuff, I stopped watching those because what I hate about it is I don't want to know that fucking person's name. And I feel like the same way somebody watches you guys in a band, makes them want to be in a band.

I feel like school shootings are like that's like keeping up with the Kardashians for psychos and then they want to watch it. And all those women who, young girls who aspire to be like a Kardashian and all Glamrs, psychos watch that and go like, oh, that's that's what I want to do. I don't disagree with you on anything you just said. You know, I don't hear that a lot. Thank you. I usually get a lot of pushback with the shit I say.

You know, I mean, I've got involved in a few things because when I wrote these, when it was going to be a book, it was going to be a social action involved. Now that's a record, it's all social action involved. And it's small things like I got involved. Homelessness in Seattle's super gnarly and super visible like an L.I. because street camping is legal. Right. RV camping is legal. You can have four grams or under of heroin and not get arrested in Seattle.

They tried this social experiment that's not really working. It makes homelessness very visible there. And I had a brother-in-law that went through. He was my oldest brother-in-law. He ended up homeless on the street when I was in punk rock bands and I would see him downtown near all the Pesquatchy punk rock clubs and stuff. He's my brother-in-law, man. And this guy is a guy who helped raise me when my dad left.

My brother-in-law Dexter was taught me how to run, sprint and do all this catch of football and all this stuff. And now I'm seeing him. I'm 17 years old and eyes are yellow, jaundice and alcoholism. 1983, 82 and like help try to help Dexter out. Like. How do you help somebody out in that situation? I mean, like my friend had a punk rock club,

like my brother-in-law Dexter, like make some money sweeping up or whatever. That's how you help like. But he and but he was receptive to it. Dexter. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And you know, he helped one time I was downtown and I got surrounded by a group of these dudes who are homeless, you know, street and suddenly like out of nowhere, like leave that guy alone.

It's my brother-in-law and there comes Dexter up out of the stairs and like, you know, I was out of the night and I thought I was going to get the shit out of me or worse, you know, and so he looked out after me, too, as well. We're brother-in-laws, you know, I was. He was 20 something years, my senior. Right. What is the age difference in your 20, 20 years? So are you the baby?

Yeah, so I'm 55. My oldest brother, 75. Is that right? Yeah. Wow. So he was born, my oldest brothers and sisters were born during World War 2 at the army. Yeah, because I was because I was reading, you know, part in excerpt of your book. It was saying how, you know, when you were like in high school,

like two of your brothers were in Vietnam and I was trying to wait a minute. What is what is what is this the spread on that? Yeah, so there was. How old were you when they like when your brothers went away and how long went off to war and how long were they away at war? I wasn't born yet when my first one went off. Oh, so he was there right after we took over from the France, right? Right. OK.

So like 63 or 64, maybe I was just born. So he went over for, you know. So he went in right at 18. Yeah, because there were so many brothers in our family. And I think at the beginning of Vietnam War, there was sort of like still this kind of. Well, I'll do my do my best. So many brothers and we'll get drafted anyhow, right?

I'll be able to choose where I go. Right. If I if I sign up. Right. My dad had signed up for World War Two. So there was in my grandfather's World War One. So there was this kind of thing like, OK, what you do? My second brother, the second brother, Mark, did the same thing, signed up, thought he could get in. I'll get in the Navy or something.

And they put him in the army. He was in he was in the ship. He never talked about it ever in his life. But how does that work? I thought if you enlisted, you got to choose. Yeah. Well, I think he thought he was able to choose. And I think they needed more people in the in the army. And they kind of just put him someplace.

And so he was building like forward forward. I know he was building like those forward armed positions, you know, and then had to hold it down until they could fill it. He did that for a couple of years. He got his G.I. Bell used it at the schools of math genius. And then I work at Hanford and then at Boeing. He never talked about his experience in the war. He just died of cancer a couple of years ago.

He did work at Hanford for a couple of years and he was in Vietnam for a couple of years and the doctors, you know, kind of put all these together. You know, but Hanford also nuclear. All right. Yeah. I'm not that bright guy. He's a hamper to nuclear. You need to do that a lot during this park. OK, so hamper to nuclear Kansas is a state, you know.

But. Well, any out there. So my brother died downtown Seattle. My brother, Dexter Union Gospel Mission was this place where he used the services. When my sister, that was married to him, she also died just a couple of years ago. Jesus. Yeah. All right, man. Yeah. So she all she wanted all of her.

She died suddenly. Um, so we see in her will like all every like donations or whatever goes to Union Gospel Mission, like I better check out this place. My brother in law and then my sister and seeing homelessness. And I do a trip down there to Union Gospel Mission. I've seen it. You know, it's scary. So things I talk about in the song like, yeah, I'm not going near there. Right.

But I went in and the first time I went with my wife and she just had just done a news thing. She was all dressed up. And she's like, I want to go. I'm like, well, you're looking pretty, you know, like, you know. Yeah. You look like you look really you live really indoors. It's like, what are you doing here? Yeah, yeah. But you know, we travel a lot.

So we do see a lot. And we, you know, when we travel as much and see the things we see, we you grow it. Layer of empathy, I guess, like you're not afraid to go some places because you understand people are pretty much cool everywhere you go. Yeah, that's scary, homeless guy that's yelling. You know, if you read Ellen Saxes, the center cannot hold. You understand more about schizophrenia like that guy's not screaming at you. He's screaming at some thing that he doesn't know.

I just went to Israel for the first time and I thought it was going to be everybody just shooting guns at each other and everybody was just chilling. Chilling. It was cool. Yeah. Saw some Palestinian people protesting. They were they would civil the whole thing. I was like, oh, this is like and it was right on the Mediterranean Sea. It's like, this is beautiful. That's just not how I pictured it.

Because whenever they show it, it's after something horrible happened or they it's like they don't even talk about it over here until something happens. European people, if you've noticed, you've traveled here are terrified to come to the US because what they see is the guns and the shooting and stuff. Oh, they think it's the wild west. I'm not going there, you know. So it's whatever you perceive something else to be. Right. Right.

So so we went to the Union Gospel Mission. They said you want to we're going to go on a run right now. A run. So we're going to go into the jungle, which is. Arguably the worst homeless encampment in America. And I would think if they called it the jungle, it wasn't going to be something that's been there for a long time. They these guys have emptied out, emptied out part of it.

Cops won't go in there. The city. How do they get around that about the cops? The cops are like, we're not going in there, you know, because they so but these guys from Union Gospel Mission who have lived in the jungle and now went to rehab and now running the gospel mission that we lived here. And they tell me my point to all of this. They we I started asking like, how would people get here?

How do people get to that tent on the street? How do people get to the jungle? Right. Living in the bushes like I don't need to freeway like. It's like, well, you know, it's 85 percent drug and alcohol addiction. OK, I kind of pick it, but there's a number. OK, thanks. But like I was, you know, I mean,

my fear of living on the street, even through my addiction to alcohol, he's like kept me off the street. I'd work like nine times as hard to be able to drink. Sure, you paid the rent. Yeah, nine times. It's like, yeah, but did you have like abuse as a kid? I'm like, no. Yeah, did you go through foster care?

No, did you get abused multiple times? No, I didn't none of that because that 85 percent number of drugs and alcohol coincides almost directly with the amount of child abuse that these and the guy I'm talking to, I won't say his name, but it happened to me. Right. It happened to my brother. Happened to this guy right here. He's sitting next to us bad. And and we got stuck in this cycle that

it took me 50 years of my life to finally get out of it. I didn't know had no means. That's amazing because it goes to the like there's a Talinda Bennington, Chester's wife, since since his untimely passing, got hooked up this thing, the five signs, the five signs to recognize something's wrong. And and this starts very young, these five signs. And I think the five signs should be put in like school.

Right. Yes. Right. Like because we remember going to elementary school, there was the guy like that guy's a little rapey. You knew it like in the fifth grade. You know what I mean? That guy's going to grow up and not going to be cool with chicks. It's going to be a little rapey. That guy's a little you know, you could tell like at a young age like we knew.

There was some weird. Yeah, weird. That's all you had was weird. He just killed his family's cat. You know, staying away from that guy. You know, there's their signs, you know, as a young kid. And if we had like when this just starts, one person like Talinda, start this thing, I'm into it. I have a propeller thing with my record that you can get involved.

I'm going to make t-shirts for my tour and have the five signs on the back of it. That's great. You're doing something. All I do is come on the podcast and bitch about shit. You're actually doing something about it. It's commendable to get a fans involved. And like if we can just like one person at a time, you know, it doesn't start with the, you know, sure, you hear about a guy getting radicalized on the Facebook.

Once it goes and shoots up some place. But sure, what allowed that guy to get radicalized on some. Right. Just what you said there about the jungle, right? Yeah, which I know everybody is going to give me shit for not bringing up your song that I'm not going to do. Well, they had a sign that said no trespassing. They have at the union gospel mission is great.

It's just no trespassing sign. And somebody back in the day 80s, late 80s, spray-painted like gang riding. Welcome to the jungle. Now it was a sign to get into the jungle. Wow. And they have. I took a picture of it. But I'm I'm I'm saying like how that. If I was to drive by that, not having not talked to you. My first thought would be, you know, I want to I got to get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, I'm not saying it still wouldn't be. I would be afraid. But I would I'm now seeing those people is like that some that's those are hurt kids grown up, which humanizes them as opposed to looking at it. Like because I have to be honest with you, like I see a lot of homeless people out here in LA and there's that thing where you like I definitely, you know, as much of an asshole as I am, I am empathetic and I do want to try to help out. But it's just how to go in and approach without getting fucked up like I would

just went by a drug store the other day. And this actually I almost said something to this kid. There was a guy clearly so many people have just like like mental problems. Right. You know, right. And this guy was just like he was going on some, you know, schizophrenic fucking riff about something about hobbits or something. And the way he was moving, it freaked me out in this younger kid out.

And at some point, we both kind of heard what he was saying, which was comical on a base level if he wasn't living the life he was living. But then I saw the younger kids start smiling and then he takes his phone out to film him. And I'm just looking at like, dude, this is like because they shut down mental hospitals is now going to become your content for your Instagram page. And I almost said something to him.

But then there was just like, all right, haven't I watched shit like that on you now? I'm kind of a hypocrite because I remember when Bum Fights first came out. Remember that these guys would pay bums to beat the shit out of each other. And I was the age I was at. I was way too old to find that funny. But I was also still trying to find my voice as a comedian.

And there was that whole thing amongst comics where, like, you know, you got to like you can't be soft. Everything's got to be funny. So I watched that on an entertainment level. So I just I quickly was just like, all right, well, I'm going to be apparent to this 20 something year old. I'll feel like a fucking hypocrite. And I didn't say anything.

But my my problem is, is I always go to anger. And what I should have went to was more like, hey, man, this guy's his life is hard enough, man, you don't need to blow him. I should have gone like that. It's what my default emotion would be like, you know, hey, fuckhead. You know, this guy, you know, I would, you know, and who listens after? Hey, fuckhead, who listens to you? True.

You're my friend. Yes. Come on. Excuse me, fellow American. Yeah. Yeah, I read this. You talk about the guy yelling himself and I mean, we could go on forever, Bill. I tell you, I like there's levity in this and there's hope like in the record that that that's what I liked there is.

But I read I read a lot in this this book. I brought it up earlier. The Center Cannot Hold was written by this woman. She's currently the head of school psychology at USC. We've heard we've heard of this school. It's a big school. I hear about them when they went championships and all that stuff. But she she's schizophrenic and she wrote this book.

She didn't admit it to she would live this like kind of solo life until she was she schizophrenic and wrote a book. Was it? I mean, she's obviously a joke. There was it wasn't uneven. She's she's she's brilliant. But but to start her story, you know, she's she she gets scholarships to Cambridge and Yale Law and all of this stuff. Meanwhile, going off on these schizophrenic tirades of like, I've killed a million

people and a million people have killed me. I've been killed a million times and her friends stopped. And then they would like, what's going on? Oh, I was joking. Like, but she was able to contain it like that. She went into a hospital in England for a year. But over there, the professor recognized what was going on. She's brilliant.

No, she's brilliant. He put her in this place. They don't chain you down in the mental hospitals. They use Velcro. They don't. They actually don't. But she got she had it. Her stories, she just read the book. But I wanted to tell you about her beginnings of that, like.

She was nine or 10. She always thought there was a man outside her door at night. And she's like, well, what what nine or 10 year old kid doesn't kind of think that. Like a boogeyman. And she's like 15, 16, walking home from high school. The houses would talk to her. But everybody else seems to be handling it well. Right. The houses must be talking to everybody.

They're talking to me. But I'm looking at other kids on the street. They're not freaking out on it. So I'll just I won't eat it. I'll just hold it in and it progressed and progressed and progressed to where she was on the roof of that Belnova doing undergraduate screaming and blacked out like screaming. I've killed a million people.

I've been killed a million times. And I was going to ask so she doesn't remember saying that. Some of it she does. She thought it was very real, very real. She would have these moments where suddenly it all came to her like, oh, I killed but she would she also writes in that I would never harmed anybody. That's what's so misunderstood. Like schizophrenia means a million different things.

They put a label on sort of one thing just to kind of get in a group. But I read this book all the way to its end. She's now 60 maybe or something. She's a head of school of psychology at USC. And I drove past a guy on Sunset in Vine. He was on the corner screaming, chatting at the top of his lungs like the guy you saw in the 7-Eleven parking lot where it was.

I suddenly had empathy for I understood it a lot more. And I think reading and educating yourself, if you're interested in your fellow man, it's just interested in how we've gotten here and what's in the future. And cycles of things. I just read a lot. It's so interesting. And like even the current administrations don't bother me because it just passes.

You know, we go to Europe and stuff. We see how administrations affect other countries. They think about us. You know, there was. I mean, we've been traveling through a few wars. You know, I don't travel the way I do. Little quick little runs, you guys. We go and live there.

Yeah, we're there. Yeah, we've been traveling there and staying in Europe. We go there and stay for how did you like when when you guys were always blows my mind. I understand like when you get to a certain level, you can afford a business manager who can handle your mail and your bills and all of that shit when you were coming up and you just torn around in a van. Yeah. OK. And there's taxes to be paid and there's the cable and yeah.

So what money? So like you guys. Oh, yeah. It's just to share. So you're basically home on floors, man. Yeah, you know, like I always I would had such as my parents grew up in in the depression. So I grew up with depression. Your values, like we'd hear these horror stories of depression.

Like I'm never there was one time I was 18 years old. I was on a punk rock tour. I was starving, literally shaking, starving. And a guy said, you can go down to the I'd had jobs as cooks. I've paid tax. I've done construction. I've done every kind of job. There was this tour I had to stop for two weeks.

My construction job and go on tour. I didn't have any money. I had an apartment, but I paid this, you know, the tax you pay out of your. They take it out of your paycheck. You know, but I was starving, penniless and starving in San Francisco. And they said, you can go down to the emergency food stamps. But I was so hungry, I didn't have a choice. I wasn't going to fucking panhandle.

I wasn't I didn't have it. I don't there was no safety net in my family. You know, like you can't what? Hey, mom, why are me some cash? My mom didn't have any money, you know? So I went to this line and I maybe it happened for a reason. I went to this welfare line and you can get $80 in emergency food stamps. And it was women with babies, you know, and there's me.

I'm able bodied, you know, 18 year old, but I'm fucking starving, man. But I didn't eat. I hadn't eaten for like three days, you know, and I just needed something to eat. So I waited there and I got and I went into a store and I bought. A bunch of like a loaf of bread and some baloney and some cheese. And I still so I still had like seventy dollars of food stamps. I gave it 75 bucks left.

Yeah, so I gave I gave the food stamps to a woman that was in the store. You want these and I never. That experience like I'm never going to. Be homeless. I'm never going to be homeless. Like, I don't want to I paid that back that ten bucks I got from the welfare. A million times I overpay the taxes and everything. But how, you know, later on, when I started making money and stuff,

like I'm getting mail, so you have to have an address for that. Yeah, that's right. So, you know. I got a buddy of mine, a comedian. He actually he's so living out in the woods. He tried to. Legally see if he could stop getting mail. And just like he just that's the level that he wants to just not be involved.

And they were like, no, you have to you have to have a mailing address. It's like, we kind of have to know where you are. Just in case you do some crazy shit. We know where to start looking for you, I guess. I went down that, you know, like ten years ago, I got told into like conspiracy theory and shit and I was buying like fucking powdered food and all. So I ended up learning how to fly a helicopter because I got so fucking scared of living out here.

Like what happens when the dollar collapses and the shit hits the fan? How the fuck do you get it? It takes like nine hours to get out of here, even when it works. And up and out was the only way. I never took into consideration how expensive a fucking helicopter was. And you can't land it anymore. So you took the let you know how to fly one. Yeah, that's not an easy thing to do.

It's no flying. It's not hard. It's all the shit you need to know. So you don't fuck up when you're up there. It's the ground school is the hard part. But like, you know, I mean, if you can drive a stick shift, you know, I mean, it's like four stick shifts at once, isn't it? No, no, no, it's it's this.

This is up and down. This here is where you want to go. He's moving his hand. Yeah, yeah. So like the emergency break. He's pulling his hand up and down. If you want to go up, you go like this right now. Yeah, I can't see what he's doing.

If you want to go down, you go like that. He just went down with his hand and then the cyclic to stick between your legs. You just kind of, you know, whichever way you want to go, like a steering wheel. And then I can play a helicopter now. You just show me how to do that. That's basically it. Well, if you're ever in a helicopter and then you just got your pedals, that kind of keeps your ass and your nose where you want it to be.

I mean, it's very putting it all together is a little about patting your head, rubbing your stomach, but, you know, I when, you know, you play bass and can be singing like in the, what do they call that? Like a poly rhythmic kind of thing. Yeah, where it's like, I always wondered how the guys can play guitar and sing where it's like the phrasing is different. It's like Sting's stuff. Yeah, like, yeah, you, you, that takes a lot of practice.

Yes. So, but that is way fucking harder. That is way fucking harder than the helicopter. Okay. Helicopter is more the fear like, am I going to fucking kill myself? That's indeed. Yeah, you don't think that playing bass, singing songs. I don't think really hammered.

I want to, I was the best idea was my friend talking to me out of it. This is like 91. All right. High to my drink in 92. I'm going to learn how to get. I'm going to get a helicopter in my friend's like, I'm not a good idea. Oh, man, we can go up to Lake Arrowhead, big bear. Ten minutes.

Yeah, ten minutes, man. Fuck traffic. Yeah, probably not a good idea. What was your drink of choice? You got like 18 guns. You think the mailman's going to, you know, oh, you got a good idea. You know, paranoid. What was your drink of choice?

Oh, I had everything. Why do you got my drink of choice was just straight vodka. Straight vodka. I was I quit drinking last November. I still have some bottles of booze here because they're high in shit. And I'm not throwing them out. And I'm also not giving them away. That I just keep them with special friends, come by or whatever I have.

But I am more of a I was a whiskey bourbon. Guy. Yeah. And that would work, too. Yeah. And I and I started buying the high end stuff. So then you don't think you're you're kind of a drunk. You just think you're I'm a connoisseur, right? But I'm more of a I'm just a binge drinker because I went to a couple A.A. meetings and like this fucking story is there.

I was just like my jaw was on the ground and they're like, Bill, do you want to share? I was like, I can't fucking follow this. You think of it as a bit. Yeah, like, I don't have any like, I mean, I come home. My wife yells at me, come to bed. And I fall I fall asleep and wake up in sports centers on me. That's about as bad as it got.

I was just doing it too much. I just I kind of learned like I keep saying this in my podcast because I hope, you know, because some people I think are like me. And you can kind of I kind of like if a doctor saw how much I was drinking would say you're an alcoholic. And it's it's kind of like a lot of people don't realize that just 30 pounds overweight can sit. You know, your height is in there, too.

But like if you're about my size, five, nine, five, ten, if you're 30 pounds overweight, you're obese. People think obese is like, you know, your fucking thighs are rubbing together and you're wearing rayon slacks and nobody wants to bang you. Right. It's just like, no, it's just it's just 30 pounds. And I learned that from my buddy, who's about my size. And he went up to a buck ninety five and he went in for a physical. And the guy was like, look, I'm not going to write you up.

But just to let you know, you're five pounds over. And he was just like, write me up for what? And he was like being obese and like it blew his mind. Blew my mind, too. But not as much as him because he was actually being called obese. But I just saw a thing on. So I do watch news. I watched local morning news in Seattle, right?

And here in L.A. OK, there was actually a store. So it's just like local stuff, right? You don't get the. And I pick what news station I watched just as local stuff. I want the weather, you know, like maybe a little story about something. Yeah, some old lady who jars her own jam in the end. Makes you feel good, you know, rescued a dog. But there was a story on the news this morning.

Talk about obesity. And one of the rear admiral, somebody came out today and said, a majority of American kids wouldn't qualify for the military today. Because of obesity and mental issues. I was like, what? I rewound the story. Did I just hear that right? And he went on to say they wouldn't wouldn't be able to do like regular

just jobs or or college. Was it just reminding the thing you said about obesity? I'll have to look into that more. I thought you would. Yeah, it's also talking like physical. I saw a thing about like some school between here and like San Diego. Like way back in the day. I can't remember if they came up with the president's physical thing.

Yeah, as a kid. They probably don't do this now because it makes kids feel bad about themselves. But there used to be this thing called the president's physical fitness test. And you had to be able to do a certain amount of pushups in a minute. Sit ups. And the one that blew my mind was a pull up because I had never done a pull up. And if you've never done a pull up, you can barely do one because you'd never use those muscles.

Right. Like for some reason, a chin up, I guess, because you're picking stuff up and you're using your bicep. I think you could not pass one of them and still be OK, right? So if it was pull up was your weakness or push up, I think you could not pass one. Yeah, I remember doing that every year as a kid. Thirty, thirty sit ups in a minute. I've been doing pull ups ever since until I fucked up my shoulder.

Now I've been the last two years. I had a bet with my buddy 200 bucks that when I'm 70, I'll be able to do 10 of them. And right after I made the bet, I don't my wife showed me some one of her crossfit fucking exercises and I was trying to do it. And I just felt this pinch and I had this rotator cuff issue. Oh, no. I know. So now I don't know. I don't know what I got to do here.

So I'm taking a few months off. Yeah. So it's a little so it's a little stabbing. Just a little pinch. You know, now I'm 55. I'll get a little pinch where when I was 30, something would just be a little pinch. Yeah, shake it off. That little pinch. I think I just bulged my desk in my L4L5.

Do you got you got to get like a Jedi masseuse? That's what I ended up finding. Somebody hooked me up with somebody. I had a sciatic nerve issue and she. I remember I was in my left leg that was fucked up and she just sat there listening to me for like a half hour, asking me questions and I was going like, what the fuck are we doing here? So you guys, all right, let's go.

And then she took me in back and as my left leg, where I was feeling pain, she started with my right shoulder and I was thinking, all right, either she doesn't know what she's doing or she's at some Jedi level. And it turned out, fortunately, it was the Jedi level. And I just threw all the years of playing sports. It was fucked because when the pain takes you back to when like you ever say I got some pasties, houses, I'll get like bruises on me.

My wife would be like, what happened? And I don't know. And what I do is I push on it and oh, yeah. Yeah, I was walking through. I banged into the door. It's fucking weird. So she was doing that with my leg and it was like the history of my life. Like, oh, my brother used to give me Charlie horses. Oh, I used to play pick up hockey and not wear any gear.

Right. I fell on my fucking leg and she went all the way. Like it took like three months. Dude, I was like coming relived your life in that the painful moments. Yeah, it was great. No, no, no. This is three months, three months of slowly. She was like, there's three levels of your muscle around the surface. And then I was psyched that we got to the mid. But every time she would start a new layer like, dude, I'm telling you,

I was like, coming up off the table and she was like, give me numbers, give me numbers. And I was like, I'd be like, all right. I was like, six, six. And she goes, well, you're Irish. So that's probably an eight. That's you guys can't fucking, you know, communicate like pain or shit like that. So, dude, we've talked for almost like an hour. And when I haven't even talked about like the over an hour, Jesus Christ. How great the album. What's the name of the album?

Is it Tenderness? It's called Tenderness. Tenderness. And so I wrote these songs. We did begin with this. I wrote these songs on on the road during this tour. All my observations were going down again. I was at peace with like my old bandmates and you know, brothers really. And and I was able to observe and I got them to thank board for that.

Being in it, being in that place and and my wife, of course, and my my kid growing up until like these strong young women. I wasn't worrying so much about every day your kid at school and this and that. And I was just really observing and living life. Being adults like you, you saw us traveling just like my wife would come with me. Like we're traveling. We're not worrying about the kids at home. We're like that got this next level and.

Kids are on their own, they're cool. We're going to go out and together and see stuff and and have some fun. And and I was able to go and talk to just a ton of people. Not only how did you put how did you put together? Who's who's saying who sings on this? I did. That's your voice. Yeah. What?

Yeah. So I had a I was saying for a long time. This is the first time I sang like in a lower register. But so I wrote these songs. You got an L.A. Showed I got to see I know I'm going to be I got an acting gig in New York this summer. I heard. Are you going to tell me? Because my wife instructed me to set up something with you guys. And then the first thing your wife said, are you guys coming to New York at all

this summer? Yeah. When do you leave? Can you say that on there? No, because there's too many weirdos. Yeah. As soon as I said that, I'm making it. I already said, I probably should have said that I'm going to be in New York, but it's a it's a big enough place.

New York State. Yes, Albany. Yeah, I'm going to be in. Yeah, a little couple of John's town in Poughkeepsie. Yeah. Lake Ontario. I'll be up there. Yeah, the Playhouse Lakes is beautiful up there, by the way. Have you ever looked at a map and just started like?

I wish I did that from the beginning of my career, all the little towns and then colored in all the roads that I've been on. I wish I would have done that because I would think like as much the way musicians travel and certainly I mean, I think that's how I got the sciatic nerve thing. I think it was all those years of sitting in a fucking car and this leg not moving. My knee got fucked up just being in this stationary position.

Yeah, we'll screw you up. Yeah, not not stretching or anything like that. But I always wished, you know, it was a big thing for me when I finally did. I got all 50 states. Wyoming was the last one and I didn't have a good show. Oh, wow. I think I weirded them out. I came out. I was excited to be there and they would just, you know, like the vibe of your this album that you have.

That's sort of like, you know, that was their vibe and I came out more like whatever you guys close with with was a paradise city. You came out on I came out with that and they were like the fucks with this guy. And then I was thinking like, what are these? Just a bunch of country hillbillies or whatever. And then I went to their local club, the dance club or whatever,

and splash watering holes like all in one area. And I went there and there was like troops there. They were gays, couples there. Super hip. And it was just, yeah, it was like all totally mixed up. And I was just like, that was that moment. Like, oh, I was the asshole. I was the I was thinking like, would you go just get off your fucking ranch? And it's just like, no, man, we came out here to laugh.

And you fucking came out with like steam coming out of your ears. It wasn't a really bad show, but it was I I. I never stopped and addressed it was all I needed to say. Like, are you guys out? I never did that. We all prejudged. All right. Don't feel bad about it. All right.

The map we were talking. Oh, so Shooter, I wrote these songs. I put them on all my crappy demos around garage band on my map, right? And I back them up by sending them a copy to my manager. So that's my backup hard drive, right? So I have like, and I might send it to my wife. So I have like two backup hard drives of my crappy demos. How was she as far as like when you because I bounced jokes off in the

and she's kind of like she's so honest that like I kind of user is like, all right, if I can make her laugh, her dad managed comedians. So she grew up around comics. Is your wife like that with music? Well, she's from Ohio. So she she has this very like, you know, if she's like, I like that. You know, that's like, OK, that kind of covers like a pretty big area. She'll be if she doesn't like like my band loaded super hard.

My adult punk rock band. She'd be like, whoa, she wouldn't say like super, you know, aggressive. But there's so much in that. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Hey, hey, I sleep next to that guy. This will appeal to like just a very small group. I'm pretty sure just by my wife's reaction. This this record, however, like she.

Her reaction to these songs and she knew she was with me experiencing all this stuff. So she knew where the words were coming from. She was just finishing her novel at the time when we were traveling. So she was writing a lot. And my manager, when I said, I think I just want to make that that austere record now. And he said, I think I'm going to look for somebody to work with. And he said, he goes, what about shooter? And shooter Jennings is a guy I've known since he moved here in 2001.

He was in a he was 21. He was in a band that opened for my band loaded. Right. They were called Star Gun. And they're, you know, like, I think you could still to this day, I can. There's 10 young musicians. I can pick out that one that's going to be a lifer. The other nine are just kind of like that back.

That's why I can do that with comedians. Right. I can see a comic on an open mic and be like, all right, that person's. I can more be like as far as potential. Right. Like, I can see like that that person. It's just something about they have that five and I'll meet people after shows and they won't say I'm a comedian.

They'll just have this five. I'll be like, are you a comic? They'd be like, yeah, I was like, yeah, you seem like you seem like one. And always make some stand up a little bit because I can see that awkwardness sort of like looking down kind of. I can't even describe the comedian young comedian vibe though. I'm a shit dick joke, Jackass. But they like they there's there's a social awkwardness, a unique social

awkwardness that a comedian has. I've seen it. I've gone back to that back bar at the comedy store. Like that's just for the time or whatever. Yeah. That's a weird room sometimes. That's of it's of because it's a very. The comedy store has always been a very transient place where if you it was one

of those places I shouldn't say I'm not going to say it. I'll say it because I'll say it's just. One of those people pass through. Sometimes the things in your head don't have to come out your mouth. I know. I know you're right. But I used to only do like an hour and hour and 15 in and I just want to make sure that we say all the important stuff.

Where can we where can we get the album and all that? We haven't even said that yet. I'm just hearing your manager Taryn is fucking hair out. Yeah. Where can they they can download this? Yeah. I mean there's vinyl records coming out of vinyl records. I got a stereo right over there.

There you go. It comes out May 31st. It's called Tenderness. It's on Universal Music. They've been wonderful about my social action with this thing. And yeah, we start touring in Philly in on May 30th day before the record comes out. Okay.

Hopefully like that in two days after I feel like three people like yeah. What are you doing? And then the next day. So hopefully by the time we get to New York June 3rd. We're playing Irving Plaza there. Some people will know the song. Oh, I get it. Chicago Nashville Austin of the West Coast and then guns is doing some stuff.

That's my main priority. And this is this is this is not an ego project. This is not anything close to it. It's it's something. This is a legit album. I love it. Important and it's the topics are pouring what my daughters to know like what did you do when you know and this is my little piece of what what I did when and it's getting

active and talking about stuff openly and kind of like assuring people. I read you know these things you might be worried about you're going to pass but we got to be in this together just like after 9 11 you know and just like when America's been great you know the hurricane two years ago in Houston the fires in California we come together we don't ask who the fuck you vote for right together we help you know and that's the America I choose to see and acknowledge as opposed to that crazy shit on TV turn it off yes yes that's what I did and I don't even know like it's kind of fun walking around like a crazy old person but anyways I absolutely love the album it's called Tenderness it's

on iTunes for you youngsters all those areas where you can get it please pay for the album and if you don't because I was joking with Duff earlier I hate when people like they send you the fucking emails me like I downloaded illegally haha but just want to let you know I enjoyed it and it's just like I mean it doesn't matter what stands up specials anymore I guess at this point because I'm not selling my fucking DVDs but anyways the great duck McKagan's got a new album out called Tenderness comes out May 31st he'll be on in Philly Philly DC Boston New York Chicago Nashville Austin Los Angeles San Francisco Portland Seattle there you go check them out on the road and check out his new album

nothing left to say it's all been shot through never look back don't look behind you look up the skies blue never look back in my blind you we all want the truth we all want something new never look back it will find you it's getting better soon the light is coming through never know hey what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday May 16th 2011 another beautiful week in the month of May has the nice weather hit you yet go outside Cheryl it's so fucking nice out oh my god I was out there in my fucking flip-flops I had on a wife beta my fucking left titty was hanging out right and I went down I went down to the fucking post office I saw Kevin I saw Mark I am beyond punch drunk

I I'm in the midst of a two-week absolute fucking terror of a travel schedule basically in 15 days I have six flights all right I just pause there so all my travelers out there could could just go do what the fuck yes six flights six flights it was seven but then something worked out worked out where I stayed an extra day when I was shooting an episode of glee I really hope you guys like my episodes of glee because I was getting a little self-conscious with some of the shit that they were sending making me wear by the way and this is just an acting gig this has nothing to do with me as a comedian all right so I don't want to hear dude you fucking sold out has nothing to do with my acting I mean Mike my stand-up

comedy that I'm on that show all I can say is I'm glad that I stop boozing because I'm not gonna say I was wearing a half shirt but let's just say my shirt didn't quite reach my jeans you know the the sizes run a little bit small over there but anyways anyways yeah we were shooting out in fucking New Mexico for this that that Pee Wee Herman thing that we were doing the Mexican Hat Dance little little number there this business is so fucked right so I basically last week I went LA to New Mexico New Mexico to fucking Washington DC and then back to LAX and like an asshole here's a little travel tip for all you peoples out there for those of you who don't follow me on Twitter when you fly into DC do yourself

a favor fly into Ronald Reagan Airport Reagan that's the one you want to fly into don't fly in to Washington Dulles do not repeat do not fly into Washington Dulles I don't give a fuck how much you save all right it's a fucking $60 cab ride it's like it's I don't know what to say it'd be like if you're flying to New York City and you flew into Islip instead five o'clock and hit fucking rush hour I forget it every goddamn time I go to DC every fucking time and even as I'm landing I'm going yeah it's kind of like a half hour cab ride no it's like a fucking 50 minute cab ride and that's with no traffic whatsoever so do yourself a favor do that fly into Reagan you come right in goddamn buzz the fucking White House you

know federal reserves right down the street and you land you're right fucking there and everything is all good but for the love of God do not I repeat do not go to Washington Dulles it is a motherfucker all right flying to Washington Dulles if you actually want to go to Philadelphia that would be my suggestion but other than that it's a nightmare so this week I got the second half of that episode so this week I fly LA to Mexico Albuquerque New Mexico and then I fly Albuquerque New Mexico to New York City I do four days at Caroline's Comedy Club and then I fly all the way back across the country on Monday all right and then guess what I'm fucking out in LA for a week and then I'm on vacation

vacation just like Axel fucking Foley vacation I am on vacation I'm getting my fucking Mumford fucking sweatshirt out and fuck everybody I'm going on vacation all right I'm going up to a goddamn lake I'll put my little tootsies in the fucking water hanging there with Nito and my fucking dog and I'm not doing shit I'm gonna go on YouTube learn how to fish because I grew up in the goddamn suburbs I don't even know how to do that so feel free to send me some emails dude oh my god you know not a fish no I don't I don't that's like me saying to you whoa you didn't know it was an express train you fucking moron stay off the middle platform you idiot it's fucking easy right is that a way to teach

am I peeking on my levels here god damn it I swear to god in this upcoming year I am gonna get somebody to help me with my mexa by the way speaking of which if you want to send me any emails all right you want some advice for me I don't know why you would I know why you would because you're not gonna take it but you like the way I give out advice you're like wow at least I'm not as dumb as him in my own fucked up way I make you feel better about yourself right if you want to send me a list of underrated overrated and uh yada yada yada all that bullshit you go to the mmpodcast.com and send all the emails to that fucking thing is that what it is well all the all the shit I don't know all the

shits on the mmpodcast my fucking the gentleman helps me with this podcast he just must be tearing his fucking hair out right now just like really Bill how many fucking times have I told you what the goddamn email is and you don't even have the decency to get can you get it right one week how about that can you get it right one week well as I'm looking this up people I have a new donation button for those of you who are new to the podcast my my fucking numbers I've been going through the roof lately just making me feel good makes me feel good about myself I actually have a donation button all right whatever you want to donate if you go to the mmpodcast.com it's on the right hand side there's a button right

underneath the the Twitter and the Facebook button and uh you just fucking click on that some bitch and you make a goddamn donation whatever you want to donate I don't give a shit actually I do give a shit give me as much fucking money as you can how about that um oh you fucking bastard where is this information I'm the worst I really am the worst why do you guys listen to this shit is this is this the fucking entertaining part where bill makes you feel smarter huh fuck yourself whatever go to the mmpodcast.com I'm sure they have the link there see and I wonder I have the balls to wonder I have the balls to sit there and watch TV and be like why aren't why aren't I where that guy is you know because you disorganize

bill and you stutter other than that you should be taking this business by fucking storm all right so what are we going to talk about this week let's talk about my fucking unbelievable weekend I um I got to work with Jim Norton Jim Brewer and David Tell at the Constitution Hall I told you guys that Eddie Murphy speaking of Axel Foley and Mumford sweatshirts he did delirious there Chris Rock did bring the pain only two of the greatest specials of all fucking time um I got to perform on that stage man and I I can't even tell you I can't even explain it it'd be like you guys you ever do that shit you ever get take a tour of like a baseball stadium and they let you down on the field for half a second you can't fucking believe

you're down there it was the same thing it was a stand-up version of that as I was doing my set it's kind of looking around the stage and I'm like you know ah right there that's where he dropped the microphone when he said it's hot up here and somebody said take your clothes off and he dropped the mic and laughed remember that walking away I could barely concentrate on my act I had all I could do to not say goonie goo goo huh Gus your wife is a fucking bigfoot Gus what a fucking I think to say that just out of nowhere just to see if anybody would have got it um but anyways I had a great time out there in DC as always popped into the improv I did a quick little guest spot I saw my good friend from back in the day

bob fucking molly beast of a comic that I started out with and I had a great I had just had a great time out there everybody crushed as always and we actually went over to the Pentagon all four of us and we uh went in there we met uh the wounded warriors the men and women over went over to Iraq and Afghanistan and got hurt we got to talk to them we gave them some tickets to come out to the show and I gotta tell you something meeting those soldiers you know everybody over there just the way they look in the eye yes sir no sir all that I don't think I've ever felt like such a piece of shit as a human being in my life I was just like I have no discipline I just you know I don't sit up straight these guys they

would just kick in my ass straight across the fucking board and um I really realized what a uh pathetically insignificant life I'm leading these people are down there changing the goddamn world all right living by like codes of honor I don't have a code of honor you know what's my big thing uh don't fly into Reagan don't fly in the dullest salute to you America you know what a fucking bum that's what I felt like a fucking bum and I can't even explain those guys they all all those all those soldiers they all got that look in their eye you know it's it's I can't I can't fucking explain it they look at me they could see it like this guy's soft looking at price sleep still 10 in the fucking morning

rolling around his bed bitching oh I gotta do a podcast I honestly I never felt so fucking pathetic in my life I remember reading arty lang's book too fat to fish and he had a caption underneath when he was on the plane with a bunch of soldiers he said here's a picture of a bunch of guys who are better than me and I was like oh Jesus Christ arty the fuck now I know what he was talking about I'm a fucking loser everybody so feel better about yourself this week everybody um I guess compared to me so anyways yeah it was great yeah we went there we had a great show and I want to thank everybody for coming out and uh once again I went on the road everyone and I'm I'm fighting the battle against the bulge and I'm not talking

about my stomach I'm talking about my fucking squash all right that that's the big goddamn thing is a guy if you want to age gracefully all right you got to make sure the poundage of your head you got to keep it level remember last week and I was telling you about in vain Malmsteen how big his fucking head is now and he's still trying to get away with wearing those leather goddamn pants and his booties he looks ridiculous he looks like a he looks like a hoard up uh what the fuck is her name that chick with the big head from that show fish way back in the day this podcast sucks you know what normally I had abandoned it but I don't have the fucking time because I have to catch 19 flights this week so you know what

we're gonna plow through it I'm gonna see it through like a fucking soldier I'm gonna soldier my way through this one another rock star I'm just gonna pick on rock stars and next week I'll pick on it you guys can give me some give me some actors that you've seen over the years male actors whose heads just got fucking gigantic Val Kilmer Val Kilmer didn't do shit he just fucking eat you know it was last time he had a salad you've seen that hunk of fucking roast beef sitting on top of his goddamn head it's unbelievable here's one for you Brian Setzer is that how you say his name the guy from the stray cats I don't know what the fuck happened to his head and I'll tell you who's halfway there

is that Billy Joe guy from the fucking Green Day you know he's got the exact same build as that dude it's the fuck it's the worst both of them full heads of hair I'm jealous but need none of them they're not they're not having salads they're out there on the road they're eating the fucking they're eating the potato skins that head just keeps getting bigger and bigger that's why they switch every once they switch from playing like an SG or a Les Paul they go to that big what the the ES 330 you know I like the sound of the old Chuck Berry sound no you don't you got a giant fucking head and that looks like you're playing a ukulele so you got to go to a bigger guitar I see what you're doing Vince Neil there's

another guy I saw them when they went out and they opened from Aerosmith like five years ago and I was just sitting there going when did his head get as big as fucking Nikki six can have a big head that guy's like fucking six foot four you know what I mean the fuck am I talking about I'm talking about old people with big heads people that's what I'm talking about and I'm talking about how at some point you got to be man enough to eat a fucking salad every once in a while that's the key just once a day just go out just get a fucking chef salad if you got to throw some balsamic vinaigrette on it and for Christ's sake eat a goddamn salad before you walking down the street scaring children with that goddamn jack-o-lantern sitting on your fucking

head you know you want to win at paintball you want to stop getting knocked out early in the game you eat a fucking salad private Jesus age Christ what the fuck is that on top of your head bullshit I ain't she had that fucking big shit back that right there's why I never joined the military there's no fucking way I could stand there and get screamed at like that you know then they'd slap the shit out of me then I get a concussion right and I'd be like one of the night of course you know they make you come back too soon in the military forget about and fucking NFL football over the years you got to come right back put that goddamn beret on Jesus Christ where'd they find a fucking beret for that fucking squash pick it up

oh it's that a toilet seat cover you think it's funny you think it's funny boy slap me in the fucking head again pick it up dude why do you keep knocking it off my fucking head if you want me to there's no fucking way there's no way you know my ego would tell me look at this old motherfucker you know skinny little guy with his fucking bird chest huh your white chest airs you think you're gonna yell at me and knock my little hat off in front of all these fucking people that I just met sorry anyways this is the podcast for this week and you know it's you know it's funny about having all the fucking free time I do I have all the I only I work every other week people I'm one of the

laziest motherfuckers you're ever gonna meet in your life okay I'm sitting here right now I'm doing this podcast at 437 LA time in the afternoon and I'm still in my pajamas I'm wearing pajama bottoms all right for people like me to paint a picture and I got my little Tribeca film festival t-shirt on that's what I'm doing drinking a little coconut water which one of my listeners said that he actually went out listen to and he felt I forget how he put it something about he felt like he was drinking out of Momar Gaddafi's ass I believe is that how he that's how he described pure coconut water I think it tastes delicious hang on a second oh that's good stuff oh that's good stuff um anyways so despite the fact that I only work every other goddamn week I swear to God

anytime anything cool is happening in LA in LA in LA and I'm like I'm gonna go to that shit I'm gonna take a night off from this fucking business and I'm gonna go to that shit every time it's always when I'm out of town and this week is no different all right listen to this shit I'm down the club the other night minding my own fucking business I want to go down there right I want to go down I want to tell some jokes blah blah blah blah and somebody comes up to me and he goes dude you're not going to believe what they they have at the fucking LA sports arena I'm like I'm like what what's what's coming up LA sports you mean when the fucking clippers used to play they're like yeah evidently they're doing some UFC fight I swear to God this isn't a movie

all right this is actually real you guys into MMA you're into that type of shit of course you are right who isn't who doesn't like to watch two guys with shaved heads just beat the living shit out of each other um you know what I said one time when I was talking about that like the UFC style of fighting what I love about it is I think I might have said this on the podcast I can't remember I'm gonna blame it on all the altitude my dried out skin from the fucking pressurized air but uh when I watch those UFC fights and you see some but you see those guys where they got the cardio they're in ridiculous fucking shape they can strike they can take it down to the ground they can submit you they can knock you the fuck out and that's what I always you

know I always look at that shit and just be like that dude right there on fucking rapable right who's kidding who that that's the big thing that's why you you you keep going in martial arts as a man you want to be on fucking rapable you know and why is that because my generation when we first got cable every other movie that was on cable especially cinemax always involved some fucking regular dude going to prison for a crime he didn't commit and then and then people try to fucking they try to try to stick their dicks in his ass you know and he's got to fight back and blah blah blah and of course he always fucking wins except Shawshank Redemption which is why that was such a a great movie you know because tim robbins you know sometimes he won sometimes

he didn't you know Jesus Christ think about that you know the expression hey you win some you lose some now we're going undefeated but uh yeah all those fucking movies you know always are about that so I said that I said that to somebody one time ago they those fucking guys you know what those guys are they're fucking unrapeable they go to prison I don't give a shit what you do you come at them stand it up you come at them fucking you try to shoot their legs they'll fuck they choke you out you'll end up getting raped you know it's like when the lions go after one of those fucking one of those buffalo and they're pouncing on and all of a sudden the thing just whips around and the god damn tiger takes a horn to his side or the lion does and then the lion

dies he's like wait a minute I thought I was killing you and then you fucking shank me we got it bill fuck we got it get on with it so someone told me the other day I was saying those fucking guys unrapeable and this dude was like nah man nah like what do you mean no how the fuck are you gonna take that guy out he said listen man he goes inside if they want to get you they're gonna get you I'm like I go well how the fuck are you gonna get that guy I don't give a shit if you buy three guys at him he's still he's gonna fucking knock him out Superman punch a fucking knee to the head rear naked choke when it's over the guy goes nah you know they there they put stuff in your food they drug you and I can't even it just like

it just it killed me when somebody said that they put drugs in your food it just didn't even seem fits I can't even explain it was like I looked at those guys that they were fucking superheroes and it's like really those guys would get fucked too that's brutal so I had to adjust my worship and just be like you know what oh it's just gonna happen it only happens in prison but as long as you don't break the laws or get fucking blamed for some shit you didn't do you are un fucking rapable Jesus Christ Bill where is this going I'll tell you where it's going so that MMA shit I've always wanted to go to something like that right so this guy tells me

goes this is what they're having not only how they're having this MMA fights down at the LA Coliseum back where the old the LA Clippers used to play before the Staples Center I swear to God this is the matchup it's cops versus cons and once again this is not a movie starring snake pliskin this is an actual fucking event they're having police officers fight ex-convicts MMA style in an octagon tell me you're not fucking going to that if you're anywhere near Los Angeles cops versus fucking cons this guy's telling me this shit I'm like are you are you fucking kidding me I gotta go to this he's like oh it's fucking uh it's May 21st of course I'm at Carolines so

we here at the mm podcast we're like you know something that sounds like some shit that if I can't go my listeners would love to fucking go to so I'm gonna give you the fucking information on this shit it's May 21st LA Sports Arena it's cops versus cons go to cops versus cons dot com listen and it's an all day event too this I'm telling you I don't know why this isn't being filmed and put on HBO they're gonna have a bunch of a bunch of music down there they got fucking tattoo artists I mean it's just it is a white trash this is like the white trash Olympics and then you get to fight the cop who busted you for fucking not paying child support the hosts are Danny uh what are you saying Danny trail the the star of machete in a tiny

lister who played Deebo from Fridays it just keeps getting better so we actually contacted them said hey you know what we want to hype this fucking thing so he said fine let them know where we're at go to the cops versus con dot com there's a bunch of different tickets 30 bucks and up you can watch cops fight convicts I can't believe I'm gonna fucking miss this this is I'm hoping this is going to be such a huge a huge fucking hit that uh that I don't fuck that they gotta fucking do it again because I don't know but so basically the tickets are 30 bucks on up and if you if you buy the hundred dollar ticket so you can get right down there and listen to them shit talk or whatever uh just mentioned the mm podcast the mmp and they'll give

you uh 25 bucks off it so all it will cost is uh it just costs you 75 bucks what the fuck is this did I give out the wrong website I am really I am the fucking worst if I give out the wrong website it's cops verse con dot com right oh Jesus hang on a second hang on hang on hang on don't do this to me don't do this to me live on the fucking oh cage verse it can't be cage verse it's gotta be cops verse hang on a second this is critical information oh Jesus Christ this is one of the no it's cage verse cons dot com all right so I fucked it up go fuck yourselves cage verse cons cage verse cons we'll have it all

on the mm podcast I am the fucking worst whatever it's but it's cops it's cops fighting former convicts and I can't believe I'm going to miss this shit it's really bugging the shit out of me there's going to be a bunch of rappers down there too short all these guys and I'm going to miss it you know they should have got down there to fucking host it in character would have been fucking snake plisking pliskin who's that guy hosted I mean uh who's the actor who played that it's married to Goldie Hawn remember that chick private Benjamin she was on laughing I remember looking at her going you know she's riding it out look at her she's riding it out she's keeping herself in shape she's not going to go out and get some fucking a bad facelift and what did she

do she went out there she went out and she got a facelift and now the best the nicest thing I could say about a face is it looks animated you know I don't know if this is the right movie because I always get these movies wrong but she looks like she's in finding Nimoy Nimoy is that he say it Nemo I don't know guys I watch sports okay go fuck yourself cage verse cons please go down there buy the tickets you can actually watch it live if you can't make it for you MMA fans around the fucking world all right they got a pay-per-view right there on the fucking website cage verse cons c a g e v s c o n s all right I finally got a fucking right you can watch it right on that goddamn shit okay and there's rumor that there might be an m m podcast banner hanging from the fucking rafters

you like that shit this is what I'm going to do on this podcast the shit that I advertise I'm going to tell fucking stories make you laugh slide in the fucking promo and it's just going to be shit that I believe in I believe in cops fighting cons in the the octagon I think that that's how they should settle it you know on the side of the road when they do that shit where they you know they show the video from the state troopers thing you know the state troopers car and all of a sudden the the regular traffic stop turns into a fucking eight-year sentence for assaulting a police officer there there ought to be like some sort of signal that means uh not only do I disagree with you pulling me over um I want to fight you in an octagon you know you make some sort

of gesture and then he gives you a police escort you follow him right over there and then you guys go at it you fight in the octagon and if you win you get no ticket you get no ticket hey and look who just came walking in if it isn't my lovely girlfriend how the fuck are you what are you talking about what am I talking about I'm talking about that that that MMA match that I'm going to miss which one it's called cage versus cons it's over at the LA sports arena I swear to god no it's cops is that one of these Monday Monday Monday yeah that's exactly what it is no but it's it's it's cops versus cons real cops versus real cops oh yeah you gotta go away it's not real is it you know what you sound like because I'm actually doing advertising we sound like we're doing like like

I'm selling some hunk of shit late at night yeah that knife can cut through a can no it can't no I swear to god uh what do they got down there this this is some of the matchups it's like officers somebody versus somebody else and it's this white dude these are not real like they can't be real cops and real cons there's no way because this is LA they're actors I think so yeah no officer Gonzalez versus notorious rick slayton well you know google rick slayton is he no I'm not doing that I already did this shit I already I already fuck you want to see it you want to see this guy this guy has the he's a white guy right shaved head and he's got those classic I'm a racist tattoos like he's got

like you know go fuck yourself slash I love hitler on the top of his head I'll show you this guy cage versus cons cage yeah and then it's the exact sunday sunday sunday listen to this shit here we go 10 pro job breaking MMA bikes at the LA sports arena main event cop versus con with hip hop performances by e40 psycho realm too short oh dog pound see there's something there for everybody that's actually pretty cool you want to you you want to get a tattoo that you're going to regret you know a little tramp stamp they have tattooed stuff going on what else what other what is it what is it I'm telling you you're not going to be here no that would actually be fun to go and

then we could review it speaking to the mic there you go we can review it for your listeners no I'm actually sending a lawhead and Sam Tripoli down there hopefully Sam Tripoli yeah it was going to be Bartnick I was going to send my Rose Bowl crew down crew down there oh that's a great idea it is sure it is no offense boys I love you I'm going to start doing uh they're going to start doing remotes for me at some of these these things that we're going to start I'm telling you I'm taking this podcast to the next level I love it so I have my funniest drinking buddies who are also comedians and Bartnick's just out of town he's gigging but I'm going to have lawhead and Sam Tripoli is going to be the stand-in and they're going to go down there they're going to be

drinking and they're going to be they're going to be you know hopefully interviewing some of the you know high class people like myself who it would be going down there I can't fucking believe I'm not going to be in here for this but uh but anyways um Nia you've stopped by here and we're we're going to we're going to do a little passing promo here what are we going to be doing tonight okay what am I going to go see with you because I haven't been in town for the last couple of days so you guys probably wondering how do you keep it going how do you how do you keep the magic going you know you know you know you how to keep the spark you fucking annoyed the shit out of me today what do you mean you know what I mean I was talking

about earlier when you you kept putting off that vibe that you would you were annoyed by my general presence I was not present yeah you were I was just busy yeah you know I wanted I wanted to get up in the morning I've been on the road for like five six days and I'm thinking oh she's gonna I thought you were gonna kiss me like that chick who kissed that dude in Times Square when the war ended that's what I thought was gonna happen you haven't been gone that long though oh Jesus it's over it's over no I just I wanted to get up and go to the farmer's market and I had to wash my hair I had a whole thing the only time that you should have been mad at me was the was after I'd already annoyed you like five times and at one point you were in the shower

did you say annoyed me how many times like five okay I just want the record to show that you admitted that you annoyed me five times throughout this whole course of mourning that you're supposed to we think you're not fucking annoying I didn't think this was about me I thought it was about you no it's about you being it being a jerk this morning this is the only thing I will admit that was wrong was when you were in the middle of showering and I came walking in with the cold cuts and I said hey smell this chicken does this smell like it went back I'm in the shower I I love taking like baths and sure it's like my whole relaxation people like being clean get to the fucking yeah I like using fancy soaps and I'm in there you know enjoying myself and who fucking

barges in the bathroom opens up the shower stall shower stall door thrust a package of old-ass lunch meat in my face practically it's like does this smell funny I'm taking a shower okay what are you doing I'm trying to shower I have a bad sense of smell I know but you have a really I have a really bad sense of smell well I'm doing my episode of glean a couple days and I don't want to get a salmonella I don't want to get fucking uh yeah well if you yeah but see right here still really until I came out of the shower whatever okay we're going to see bridesmaids tonight yeah this is Ryan Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph this is how long I've been out of town that I actually agreed she goes do you want to see bridesmaid tonight now of course my brain was like

no it's produced by Judd Apatow okay so is he in it is any of the he is never in it he's the director all right well he didn't direct the movie produced all right well any those other guys in it I don't know I haven't seen it Seth Rogan and fucking Paul Rudd and and those guys it's just gonna be a bunch of broads it's just like slapstick my big fat Greek wedding is this what it's gonna be put it like this Judd Apatow produced this movie so whatever you think that it's going to be think about the fact that he produced it I think is the idea it oh all right yeah you take a sip of your big mug uh I have a big mug full of wine really mm-hmm you got a big mug full of something have you answered questions from uh no you want you want you want to do you want to do an advice one yes I do

okay we'll do an advice one and then uh then that'll be uh that'll be the a little needy segment here for the fucking week um let me see if I got one that actually involves men and women men and women like I'm not gonna see enough fucking broads tonight in the goddamn movie if there's if there's one period joke I'm walking out I'm walking out does this make me look fat if somebody cries for no fucking reason it goes oh my god I love you guys you know that's happening in act three I'm walking out all right I'm letting you know I'm getting up and I'm walking I'm storming out and you won't even hear me drive away because we have a hybrid support of the saturday night live people a hem a hem I am supporting you think they want to do that fucking

movie they need the money uh I haven't seen it actually somebody told me it was fucking hilarious all right where am I here uh buh buh buh buh buh buh all right here we go all right bill one of my best friends has been going to church for years and previously it has never bothered me at all um I grew up I grew up Catholic and like so many Catholics I got raped no kidding I no longer I no longer attend church but it doesn't bother me in the least if someone else wants to go this guy is the exact mindset that I am except I make fun of people who go to church a little bit a little bit a few months ago my friend started asking me if I would like to go to church with him

gay uh I politely I politely declare that that's that's a gay thing to do and I don't mean I don't mean how is it gay to ask someone to go to church with you because you're both going to be wearing sweaters you're going to be singing songs you are the most hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah you're going to sit there and sing with your fucking friend wearing a sweater and then the priest up there god knows what he did is going to be like he had a beard and some long hair and he cured a leper none of you guys can do that so you better give us some money hallelujah yeah you are not making fun of mass right now it's not sacred to you it's nothing yes there are some things that are like what none of that horseshit

that uberly boogly it's not uberly boogly it's a hymn well it's like a call and response I'll tell you what's sacred I'll tell you what's fucking sacred who has to question now you're getting the answer toots I'll tell you what's sacred what's sacred is how you go out in the playoffs the Celtics went out with heart we still lost our fucking we still got our ass is kicked we still got our ass is kicked we still got our ass is kicked all right but there was no quit in that team all right okay that's fucking sacred what sacrilegious is what the fucking Lakers did and I'm at disrespect in the franchise I'm saying what the couple of those and it wasn't all of them what uh it was really what Bynum did I didn't think what Odom did was bad all right

can you just finish reading the question Jesus Christ really all of a sudden you're dictating it you ask me why so he wants to go to church with me with him I repeat gay I politely decline dude I'm not doing that shit stop filling in the blanks with your own commentary why that's not a part of the letter because you're presenting it in a biased fashion just read it and then give your opinion see this shit this isn't a classic fucking broad it's like I've been doing this shit for four years and you're telling me how to run it yeah you have no idea how many more on guys are gonna send in hate mail because of that because not because you're a jerk because some other well they're morons so I don't give a shit this is the fucking elitist attitude

since then my friend has told me he feels it's his mission to spread the word of god stop saying it like that and continues to ask me to go they gotta he drank the fucking kool-aid now he's a zombie and as time passes he's getting more aggressive with his sales pitch that means he's probably reaching out and like touching his hand what started off with him just slipping it into casual conversation has allowed now led me to receiving text messages that say the following this means more to you this means more to me than you know god has poured out love to me and he is reaching out to you also ignore a few months but there is a lot at stake here wow yeah no he that's a little one yeah he's buying into that

jesus is coming back and this time he's not fucking around it's personal yeah he okay so so he's buying into the rapture yes i got it that this hippie is going to come back on a stegosaurus and just start killing people killing people what they say what they say is fucking wrong he's going to come back wrath one of the deadly sins judges judgment is mine set at the lord he's the son he's the donald trump he's got the fuck he's got a comb over at this point coming out of heaven he didn't make that money he didn't make the fucking world he's just a loud jackass hey fuck you fuck you know whatever cast me into the the fucking pits i don't give a shit you know you think i want to hang out with you in heaven forever just go it isn't this awesome

yeah it is awesome can you please finish the letter all right what started off okay so here we go uh to be uh to this i i replied honestly it's it if it's my choice i don't want to go please stop asking me about it i don't know how many more ways i can request that there you go okay he responded with i'll hold off but know this god loves you and will not quit if i do okay well then there's no reason to hit me two times let's just let god do it all right anyways here comes my question bill why does this fucking piss me off so much why do these why do these cults do what do these cults do to these people he's involved with the church that people do joke around with and call a cult what would you do if you were me at this point

i don't even want to talk to this guy because these conversations are infuriating me um yeah i would i would cut this guy out of your life yeah it's it's it's annoying this is why you feel that way no but this is his friend really annoying but this is his friend this is his friend and he and he he wants to get him out of the cult so the thing is is if you go to him and you try to get him out of it you're just going to drive him further into it so what you do is just say you just stop being friends with him you know and hope that that'll help because they're not going to go out of that then he's not going to leave it if you ask him to leave it yeah i don't know you never you never know but yeah he needs to just cut him out because yeah there's no you can't unless he wants to spend

the rest of his time with this guy debating Catholicism or whatever which i'm sure he doesn't want to do then yeah he should just cut him off personally i would still hang out with him you would just so you could get into debates with him no and i i would just do unbelievably satanic in a in annoying shit that's a good idea i would i would maybe you should do that i would always have like shout at the devil playing you know or maybe just that beginning cheesy thing she didn't invite him to a restaurant and it turns out to be like a strip club and see what he does yeah but you're gonna see the titties on the outside gentlemen's club that's true no i wouldn't do that shit i would just i would hang out with him and hang out with i would keep saying that i want to

get involved in the church and i would keep going to events and as they were going you know i just feel so filled up with god's love i would then be all right you want to talk about filled up i fucking jerked off into this chicks mouth i'm telling you william burr she had a big bass mouth and i don't know maybe it was a couple days since the last time i fucking you know let him lose but i right up to the brim she was a champion she swallowed i'm sorry what were you saying this is why you're going to hell oh why don't you pray for me i will these fucking people these people yeah all all those all those things are like uh they're just they're i don't know it's it's it's too it's a cult it's a fucking cult i mean if it works for you

you know i think they just like wearing those old clothes you know must be nice to drive a bicycle you were never wearing a tarp with your balls banging against the fucking seat when you were growing up did you never i was an altar boy i was an altar girl yep i was an altar boy that's the name of my my my new book the second shuster i was an altar boy yeah and uh i remember i used to do i'd sit there and i would ring the bells yep you know i'd never have to do the incense where you have to take that ball that's on a string it looks like one of those medieval torture devices you know yeah i was i you know the ones i did that chick i was so bored and mass you know i wanted to be involved i wanted to get up on stage i wanted to say something attention whore

yeah but you don't get to say anything when you're an altar boy yeah i had one priest who used to do the fucking homily and then he would ask he would give us a lecture about some shit about the uh uh i used to cranians or whatever the christichranians the who these you know these fucking people from a long time ago he'd be giving you this speech and going oh god he's gonna ask me questions on this and he would be like he would just be doing the homily and then we'd he'd be doing the homily and just be like and mr burr what is it like you just start quizzing you and then fucking crowd would be laughing when i fucked up the jokes and i look i'm not the jokes the questions and i loved it beat the shit out of sitting there standing kneeling doing all that

and um and i really bought into it when i was younger i really bought into it i thought it was good i thought it was the right fucking thing to do and uh then i got older and i started reading and i traveled and i realized this is just a bunch of bullshit and uh i read into the history of the church and i was like wow these guys aren't exactly uh what they say that they are you know it's kind of like a lot like taco bell who doesn't like taco bell then i i do my little shoot out there in new mexico and uh there was some big strike they had out there because they're not paying any of those fucking workers that picked the goddamn tomatoes that go into them okay okay did you go to uh catholic school when did this become inside bill studio

did i go to catholic school when you heard this whole thing is inside bill studio i didn't know it's you running a yep for like 90 minutes no i just went off on like a monologue for five minutes you just go and go and go uh no i was asking because i went to catholic school so yeah it's a whole thing it's too complicated to get into but yeah so what was that that's it that's it that's why you stopped the whole but you don't you just like talking into a microphone i do that's what it is it's fun okay well listen i have to get on with the podcast here are you kicking me out i'm not kicking you out i'm asking you politely to leave so i can go back to running my yeah i have to finish dinner anyway good thank you very much yeah everybody thank you for coming

by that segment was brought to you by my balls all right uh all right so i read that one here's another one all right bill uh just to give you some background i'm a 36 year old asian woman i read this one last week what the fuck is wrong with me um i wanted her to send me a picture you know anyways bill uh first thank you for the laughs on your weekly podcast beepa doopu all right i want to come i want to comment on your drinking by the way today marks the seventh month i have not boost you want to stand what that means i am closer to a year that i am to not a year all right that was for those of you out there are not good at math you don't realize that there's 12 months in a fucking year and uh i don't know when it's gonna happen but when it does

when i was in the pentagon i was thinking about drinking because i went to their gift shop yeah they do have a gift shop at the pentagon and you know what else was awesome no one there seemed to know how many floors there were they said there's rumored to be like another five below the ground but nobody really knows you know i'm sure i'm sure the uh one of the big generals were there i'm sure he knows i don't know what happens when you get all the way down to the bottom layer like who the fuck is down there you know but it's a bunch of bankers i bet there's like an underground subway from the fed reserve right over to that lower level of the pentagon there's a little office in there and uh that's where the people from the fed reserve go uh

when they want to yell at the president and the president comes over on his little private subway because it's all so close together right he comes over and then he sits outside their office all fucking nervous like ringing his hands going oh god did i did i not say it right um anyway so let's plow ahead here bill i want to comment on your drinking and if anyone could stick with any kind of schedule oh when i asked if anyone could stick to any sort of schedule because i've been thinking about going back to drinking and just like one day every month just getting actually absolutely hammered having october fest every month is basically what i'm thinking about oh i know what i actually i forgot so i'm in the gift shop at the pentagon

and they had these these drinking glasses and they had this giant one that had the marine core shield or insignia family crest whatever the fuck you call it and the second i saw it i was like i want to fill that up with some beer and have like nine of those um so anyways i asked if it was possible do something like that the guy said i just turned 25 uh and i've never had a sip of alcohol smoke cigarettes are taking any kind of illegal drug never not even by accident and it's been been by choice and nothing religion affiliated my friends slash co-workers also poke fun at me for not um often saying that they'd be able to get me to drink at least one in general everyone has the same reaction jesus christ how do you unwind you must be boring etc well anyways i guess that what i'm

saying is it is possible to not drink with all the opportunities out there that are in the world and the stress of life in general it can be possible to get it to get it at least to at least get it down to drinking only one day a week um congrats on your streak and if not drinking it thanks for the last um well that's different because you've never drank i wanted to hear from a drinker see the thing about you is you've never opened pandora's box and i've said this before but it's it's it's very easy for my for me not to do heroin every day because i never did it so i don't know what i don't know what i'm missing you know i've never gone to vegas and just actually called one of those whores and hadn't come to my room so when i go out there i i never think to do it

and then i don't feel like i'm missing anything but the thing is is when you do shit like that when you've done it when you've lived that life that's when it's fucking hard the other night i was driving home from the fucking the fuck was i coming from the comedy store and i was just sick of being sober i was just driving going i want to get fucked up i just want to do it this is this is uh this is getting ridiculous i'm so i'm actually sick of thinking clearly i can't explain it it has to do with that shit though because i know how fun it is to get drunk you know and i haven't had any embarrassing things happen in seven fucking months so i forget how stupid it is but um god damn it the only reason why i'm not drinking is because if i

don't drink and then i try to beat this streak i got to start all over again and go seven fucking months ah jesus christ what the fuck am i talking about i don't even i don't even know um let's move along let's let's go with underrated overrated for this week everybody uh bill new fan of the podcast i'm gonna skip all the ass kicking ass kissing uh i've noticed you do a lot of overrated underrated so here's mine overrated bars speak of the devil bars i just turned 21 and i'm starting to check out the bar scene what a fucking joke a bunch of drunk tool bags and filthy who is as you would say what happened to sit around drinking with your friends i'd rather have a beer with some close friends than go to out to a crowded bar filled with people i want nothing to do with

spending all my money on watered down drinks anyways keep doing what you're doing you're the man thank you um all right dude you go out to the bars if you want to try to get laid that's basically the only reason why to go out and do it other than that you're absolutely right if you're of legal drinking age just buy some booze and go home go to a house party watch a game with your friends cook out have a great fucking time uh play the music at the level you want to play it at but the reason you go out to the bars is because of the who is it's because of the ladies that's why you go out to them plus they have a larger selection of the booze but uh dude you're only 21 i mean i don't know maybe you're really mature you can be one

of those people who's like married by 23 and has a kid you know in a fucking wheel barrel you know i finally learned how to say that that was wheel barrel like roll out the barrel it's barrel and i don't even know why but that's what the fuck it is um i'll give you an underrated for this week um underrated would be uh the kinks i just downloaded some of their music they're fucking ridiculously underrated um i know that they get credit they sort of get like half credit they kind of get lost in the wash between the Beatles and Led Zeppelin and i don't know why i don't know why because as far as i can tell those guys can write you any type of song you want great lyrics they can write about heavy shit they can write about light shit they could

fucking rock they can actually do a ballad that isn't fucking cheesy actually downloaded uh give the people what they want i bought that on on vinyl when it first came out and you know what it still holds up still fucking holds up to me and actually with my guitar playing skills i can figure out some of this songs um all right we're getting to the end of the podcast here um what was the last fucking thing i wanted to tell you guys oh wait a minute i got two big topics to talk about one Bruins vs Tampa Bay Lightning um how the series went the first game we lost three to fucking whatever it wasn't three to one but it was like empty that bullshit at the end of the game but like that's exactly what i was afraid of and i you know something i'm so sick of these

fucking non-hockey towns having great hockey teams you know it's a fucking waste it's a it's a fucking way it's like having a boat and you live in the middle of Nebraska there's no reason to have a fucking hockey team oh that amazing hockey team they're a fucking great team and easily the best team we've played and come up against so far they're just a great fucking team and i i easily think that those guys could win the Stanley Cup our guys on the other hand i don't know i think we got a shot but like Tampa Bay i think Tampa if i had to put my money on it i picked Tampa Bay because Vancouver and San Jose they're too fucking inconsistent they'll play like lights out fucking hockey three games in a row and then just fucking hey man

let's make it interesting and they'll lose like the next fucking two three in a row i don't believe in those those teams you can't fucking do that eventually that kind of playing is going to bite in the ass and considering they're gonna knock each other out um everybody thinks the champion's coming from the west i got news for you it's coming from the east and i swear to god if Tampa Bay wins their second fucking Stanley Cup during the time of this Bruins drought that white trash piece of shit city that nobody goes to you know it's like one level above Jacksonville more people go to Orlando than go to Tampa people go to Miami they go to Fort Lauderdale bunch of fucking rednecks go out to Daytona for the Daytona 500 we start with the fucking Super Bowl Super Bowl NASCAR

driving baby right nobody goes to Tampa i was you know what i was doing yesterday i was i was tweeting twittering during the fucking game and all i was doing was just shitting on Tampa just shitting on the city trying to annoy people and of course people are taking it seriously which makes it fun and i said Tampa that's the type of city you go to when you like abandon your family you know or you just got divorced just there was you know what there was a life altering moment in your life where you just got kicked so hard in the balls you've just decided to say fuck it that's when you you move to a city like Tampa if you quit that's what Tampa is for Tampa is for quitters and all you people down there with your brand new lightning fucking jerseys or even worse

the free fucking t-shirt that you got from the local radio station all right no wonder you finally fill in the arena you finally want to see what a winner looks like isn't that what it is through all those fucking years of losing uh the Tampa Bay Buccaneers a bunch of fucking losers the fucking devil rays huh devil rays just like your lives Tampa Tampa Bay Onians just like your fucking lives oh i think it's gonna have no it isn't you had to put three balls through the hoop to win the teddy bear you lose Virginia's for lovers Tampa is for losers there's no fucking way the the hockey gods are going to allow this to happen even though you have way more firepower than us and you

got a great gold tender and you play in your 131 that you didn't even show us in the first fucking game go fuck yourselves do you know the strip mall was invented in Tampa it was because they were too fucking stupid to know how to enclose a mall you know they'd start to build an enclosed mall and then you know what they do they fucking quit then they were just left with this weird looking structure you know like what kind well it's sort of a mall what should we call it well in in tribute to all the whores that live here in Tampa we'll call it a strip mall you know all these fucking cracked out whores walking around half a fake tit hanging out some fucking eight-year-old kid still breastfeeding on it you know i know

you guys think i'm being harsh but this is the shit you see down in Tampa they don't deserve the lightning i think that's when you know your city sucks is when one of your teams is named after weather you know i really shouldn't say that because the thunder just fucking advanced to the western conference finals huh look who's watching hoop now i could watch hoop because the lakers are out of it i love it i fucking love it truly enjoy it truly fucking enjoy that so anyways i flew virgin airlines on the way back from washington uh dullis everybody and uh like a smart son of a bitch i got there like two hours early and i show up and computers are down and there's this fucking gigantic fucking line and it was an absolute nightmare trying to check in for

the flight and it was so bad when i got to the gate the captain was actually helping people get seating assignments and at one point you know what he said he goes well you know he goes this is how it was before computers and nobody blinked an eye when he said that this is not the way it was before computers this is how it is now because of computers you fucking moron jesus christ when you used to go to the airport you just walked up you walked up to you stood in line but you fucking walked up and you just you gave me information you had your fucking ticket you went through didn't take two hours and then another hour at the gate to get your seating assignment you fucking idiot i lost all confidence in that guy and his ability to fly

a fucking airplane at that point and then i got on there right virgin airlines is weird they got like this this club lighting you know like this jersey shore sort of look on the plane you know like like there's going to become stains on the seats or something but it was actually a very enjoyable flight and they have new airplanes and i highly recommend that airline the guy gave nice smooth fucking landing they had all kinds of video games and movies and all that type of shit and you know what i realized i don't think i've said anything funny in like fucking 20 minutes what happened to this podcast everything was going great dude i'll tell you what it is you're not boozy you're drinking fucking coconut water dude that's what it is huh what are you gonna do next to have a

giant cucumber and fucking swallow it whole you're fucking queer um all right is that it is that it for the podcast dude my fucking dog smells like a fucking dog i just gave it a goddamn bath i don't know what's going on you know what it is i've been hiking a lot lately i don't you know what guys have i lost enough edge for you i don't booze i drink coconut water i'm recommending eating salads and i go hiking every day and i have a beard okay that's just right down the checklist of complete fucking pussy what's the matter you calling doggen oh because because it's all windy out yeah we we have a vicious pit bull that's afraid of the wind cleo come on in here look at walking with a head down low oh my god what's gonna happen cleo come here she's truly freaked out look at her

tail between her legs cleo are you okay no i can't pet you in this moment this is something i learned from the dog trainer if i pet you right now when you're all freaked out you you're being rewarded for being freaked out jesus christ look at the fucking thighs on you you've been hiking with me huh all right you know what fuck this podcast this is the end of the podcast everybody my predictions my predictions i like uh all right we're gonna we're gonna go with my heart first broans slaughter the fucking Tampa Bay lightning all right we're gonna win that in uh my fucking dog is standing there shaking right now um cleo what are you doing all right the Bruins are gonna win in um i actually for some reason i think i think six

games the Bruins are gonna win that's just my heart talking uh my brain says Tampa in seven let's go across the fucking lake here i like uh all right this is the deal what's weird in the sports world right now is San Jose and Dallas and the Dallas Mavericks are both not choking there's no fucking way both of them are going to win a championship this year one of them is going down and i don't think it's going to be San Jose i say San Jose beats Vancouver i think they finally fucking pushed through this year Joe Thornton is finally acting like a captain i think it's gonna happen both teams are very streaky Roberto Luongo i don't know if he gets the yips they're gonna be in trouble i'm taking San Jose in the fucking west San Jose in the fucking west

it's probably gonna be Tampa San and San Jose i hate to fucking say it in the god damn finals the Bruins make it to the finals we're gonna win it gives a shit bill no one gives a fuck about your goddamn predictions yeah well i do i do you know do i give a fuck i give a fuck enough about you that you're driving to work right now this is an hour in you're almost at work aren't you thanks to me you laughed you giggled you had a good fucking time you spilled your coffee you dropped something in between the seat and the console you reached down for it you stopped short you broke the bridge of your nose and you're still sitting there laughing Cleo you have to fucking relax all right you're freaking me out Cleo hey ah jesus christ that dog i swear to god

yeah you you're retarded all right basketball real quick um as much as i love oklahoma i gotta go dallas dallas is gonna make the finals and uh all right tampa's gonna win the cup and i hate to fucking say it no mavericks will win i got a bad feeling the heat are gonna go to the finals i'm rooting for chicago i love dallas and i love oklahoma i gotta go with oklahoma because fucking uh i love durant and i also like uh kendrick perkins and uh yeah and that's it and that's the podcast and the whole fucking thing just whittled down to a goddamn halt all right what are we gonna do here how about i had my dates and then we're gonna get the fuck out of here huh because you guys like to hear that have you shut this fucking thing off yet god knows i would

have um here we go cage verse cons everybody check out that fight and uh what do i got coming up this weekend i am at caroline's comedy club everybody how about we go out with a little bit of music as i whore myself out like those fucking broads down there at uh in tampa all right here we go we're gonna we're gonna read some dates here now let me turn this down here all right bill burr check me out at caroline's comedy club may 19th may 20th may 21st and may 22nd i'll be hanging out afterwards wearing sparklers shooting out of my titties i will be selling my new dvd let it go i will sign your titties i will grab your wife's ass if

you like i don't give a fuck i got two shows for thursday two shows friday two shows saturday and one show on sunday that's how it's going down and after that i got i got one more antisocial tour in june on uh the shoot that doesn't mean the tour is over i just have one uh one date i'm gonna be at the chicago theater antisocial network go to our antisocialcomedy.com june 15 2011 it's part of the chicago comedy festival we will be showing our hit short film sheet oh yeah i'm gonna be out there i'm gonna lie to people and tell them that i directed it and say that joe joe de rosa was difficult to work with and that bobby kelly bought a hair piece that's what i'm gonna say oh very special very special let me bring the music down let me bring

the music down here the final date on the on the uh on my my june schedule i'm gonna be doing uh the greg geraldo benefit uh rest in peace greg geraldo one of the great comics i ever saw uh you know he's got a wife and he's got kids and we're gonna raise some money for him and it's going to be an un fucking believable lineup a testament of how much we all love greg and uh and what a great comedian what a great comedian he was and it's going to be june 29th at the wiltern theater uh that's on uh what the fuck is that it's down on wilshire and corner of wilshire and western in uh los angeles so please come out to that all proceeds obviously going to his wife and his kids and uh it's gonna be a great thing and um just come on down that's the podcast for this week

i thought i hope you guys all had a good time i hope my dog stops shaking she's sitting here panting freaking the fuck out so you guys probably wondered what do you do with the dog right now when your dog gets like that don't pet it because you're rewarding it going yeah i want you to be freaking out you don't want to do that what i'm going to do is i'm going to get up off my age and i'm going to take it for a walk and just get that energy out of her and then i'm going to bring her fucking back in and act like nothing happened when she's chilling out i'm going to spoon with my dog for the rest of the night the stinky goddamn pitbull that she is all right that's the podcast god bless all of you thank you for listening uh if you're in LA

please for the love of god because i want to know what it's like i want to hear feedback go to cageversecons.com you got to go down there get yourself some fried dough get a tattoo while you listen to two short snoop dog and all these other motherfuckers who are going to be down there and then go in there and watch some MMA MMA fights and the the headline fight is going to be a real police officer versus a real ex con it's going to be fucking awesome i can't believe i'm going to miss and thanks to jason lawhead from men are talking podcast and uh i believe sam trippley they're going to be down there they're going to cover cover it all for the mm podcast that's it you guys go fuck yourselves have a great week i'll talk to you next monday

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