Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-26-16

Episode Date: May 26, 2016

Bill rambles about his European Tour, LeBron James and Sciatica.

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Visit Genesight.com for more information. Hey, what's going on is Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. How's it going? How are you? How's your week going? Oh, that's wonderful. Now I know a lot of you guys last Monday were very upset with me when I was speaking

in code and you just couldn't, you know, about my European tour. You were like, well, wait a minute. It rhymes with Bund in mingland. Well, where the hell would that be? I'm not some sort of sleuth. I can't figure that stuff out. I got to start breaking down code. This isn't what I signed up for.

I signed up to listen to an angry half a leprechaun, you know, bitch about getting a sunburn. Um, all right. Well, I can actually announce some dates. I don't know why I can't announce all of them. I don't know what the big fucking secret is. It's not like I'm going to go over there to start spying on you. But here's the ones we got so far. Actually, that the tickets are going to go on sale.

Um, I don't know how to fucking say these places. Caulston, C-O-L-S-T-O-N Hall in Bristol, um, UK, um, announced 525 at 10 a.m. All right. So the tickets are on sale. Oh, wow. This is when I announce it. Well, I'm announcing it on the 26th, um, the tickets will go on sale on May 27th, um, at 10 a.m. BST, whatever the fuck that means, Britain Standard Time.

I don't know, Billy's Stupid Tits. I have no idea, um, you can get those at livenation.com, artist slash bill bird dash to whatever the link is on my, my, um, my website. It's going to be August 3rd on August 4th. I'm going to be in fucking Manchester, Manchester, England, home of Man United. Um, I'm going to be there, um, on August 4th. And uh, those tickets will also go on, those tickets will go on sale on the 26th. That's the pre-sale, um, to sell subscribers only, whatever the fuck that means.

I don't know what any of this shit means, um, for all you normal people, I guess who don't have cell phones for all the old people, um, tickets for everybody else will go on sale on May 27th at 10 a.m. Billy's Stupid Tits time, uh, um, August 5th, where am I going to be next? I'm going to be in London, England at the Apollo Hammersmith, um, these things go on sale at, uh, once again, May 27th at 10 a.m., uh, Britain Standard Time, God Save the Queen Time. I don't know.

Um, and August 8th, I'm going to be in, in, uh, Edinburgh, uh, Scotland, the fuck's the fucking podcast. Uh, sorry for the bad accent. Uh, Pleasants Grand, two shows there. I think I'm doing two in London too. I can't remember. I don't fuck. I don't pretend to know these things.

Um, those will also go on sale on May 27th at 10 a.m. All right. I got some dates. I got three dates in Ireland too, and I got, uh, something in Amsterdam. I think that'll be it. Nice little 10 day fucking run there. Go over there. You know, stare at you pasty cunts and see where my freckles came from.

That's what I'm doing. Oh, I can't wait. I cannot fucking wait. You know, we are knee deep, neck deep into right in this season. We got the table read here in a couple hours for episode five, episode five. Um, then we do six, seven, eight in June and then nine and 10 in July. And then we fucking edit them for the next 10 months, not even 10 months, whatever for the next six months will be adding in all this fucking shit.

And we'll basically have them and then they'll come out May of next year and you guys will sit down with a six pack of beer and you'll burn through them in about three hours. And then we go, what the fuck's the next one? And you know what? We'll make you some more because we're having a great time, but I'm not gonna lie to you. Um, it has become my life and I don't know what the fuck's going on at all.

I know that Donald Trump was here yesterday. Um, having a rally down in fucking Anaheim, um, which I thought was pretty perfect for him to be heading down towards Orange County with whatever the fuck it is on his head to talk to a bunch of people that, you know, whatever the fuck they did to their face. You know, I swear to God, Hollywood gets such, gets so much shit for like, you know, like everybody out here has plastic surgery. I'm not saying they don't, but, um, at least it's decent.

Jesus Christ, you go down to fucking Orange County with all those real housewives and those, uh, Bruce Jenner looking dudes, you know what I mean? Remember Bruce was still Bruce. Remember when Caitlin was still Bruce and, uh, the dude had his eyes done, you know, and the nose and all that. They all had like those fucking, I think I did a bit about that in my acting. I will have the Bruce Jenner eyes. And I used to, I thought it was bullshit.

I was, you know, you know, my wife would watch the real housewives of, uh, housewives of Orange County. I'd be like, all right, they picked the six biggest psycho couples. They could find people down here, don't look like this. And then I went down to Irvine, I was playing the improv and I walked around them all and I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute. These fucking people, I don't know what they're doing out here. I think when you get into warmer client climates and people who have to

wear less clothes, they really start doing the plastic surgery shit. You know what I mean? All you guys in those winter climates, you can hide in your puffy coats, you know, sport coat, button down shirt. I'll never forget that when I used to work in a warehouse, when I was a young lad, full head of hair, fucking abs, the whole thing. Half as many freckles, you know, sunny outlook on life. Oh, it was a long time ago.

I remember once a year we'd have the company picnic and all these fucking suits who looked like they were in at least halfway decent shape. They'd showed up, they'd show up at t-shirts and holy shit. Jesus Christ, the fucking rolls, just fucking spilling out, pushing out the fucking t-shirts. It was horrific. I just remember looking at these people going, this guy's running the company.

This time, I've taken orders from this tub of shit and they could feel it too. They could feel it. Um, they felt the eyes looking at him. Shame. You could shame people, you could fat shame people back in 88, 89, not anymore. Not anymore. Now I'm, now I'm the problem, right? It's not their fucking 8,000 calories a day.

You know, it's what happened to them when they were six. That's why they're eating fucking ice cream with candy bars in it. Um, sorry. Anyways, let's plow ahead here. Yeah. So I have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on at anywhere at any time, anything, all I know is I'm in a fucking writer's room. Not evidently me, me in St.

Louis, Louis meet me at the fair. Evidently my St. Louis blues lost last night. You know, they came back, they tied it up four games of two games to two. And that's the last game I saw because I've been stuck in this fucking room and I forgot to tape the last couple of times. Um, you know, cause we, you know, we had one every once in a while, you just have a fucking story and you're trying to do it.

Everybody's got 15,000 notes. You know, this isn't tracking. It's not on the page. I don't think we earned this. What's the motivation? You got to raise the stakes. And for those of you not in the business, that means you're not going to see anybody you love for the next 48 hours.

So I missed everything. Evidently, according to people on Twitter, the sharks gave the blues the old right there, Fred and game five and six sit down and shut the fuck up. My condolences to blues fans. Um, I know you wanted more, but a great season, you know, you beat the fucking blues, you beat the fucking stars and then you lost to the fucking sharks. All right. And I believe it was meatloaf who said two out of three.

Sorry. Um, yeah, it's that's fucking brutal, man, especially when you get that deep into the playoffs and then it's just fucking over and then you're just sitting there like, now what do I do? Well, you live in St. Louis. This is what you do. You go to a Cardinals game and you watch the Rams pack up and leave your city. And this is what you should do rather than crying in your fucking

Peyton Manning, partially owned beer. Um, what you should do is, uh, you guys ought to fucking talk to the Arizona Cardinals, tell them to come back. You know, I mean, that's what I would do. Oh, would you built? No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't even know how to begin. I wouldn't even want to begin to go about doing something like that.

Yeah. I mean, I would have no idea how I have no idea how to go about anything. I'm one of those fucking guys. You know, you should do, you should fucking do this. Oh yeah. How do you, how do you do that? You know, I'm like, I'm like Donald Trump, except I'm not running for president. You know, I'll build a fucking wall between here and Mexico.

I'm gonna make Mexico pay for it. Oh yeah. How are you going to do that, Donald? That fucking guy, can you fucking believe that? I mean, it's fucking, it's, it's that in Hillary Clinton. I cannot believe people are going to fucking vote for either one of them. I just cannot fucking believe it. I'm fucking believable.

They'll vote for Hillary Clinton. They'll put her in fucking office and then bitch that nothing changed. How many fucking times? Remember that shit? Oh, we're going to fucking, we got a new guy. We got hope. It's going to end the war. Close down Guantanamo.

It's nothing fucking shit. Nothing changed. It's exact fucking same thing. And he got this fucking jerk off. It was just, all he just says is, no matter what you bring up. Hey, Donald, what's up with your shirt? This is the best shirt. I have the best shirts.

I'll have the best shirts of any president ever. And there's a fucking zillion people losing their fucking minds going. This guy, this guy's going to turn it around. I guess he said the other day he took a physical he's 69 years old. And he said the doctor said he had the I have, he said I had the I have the best body. The best body of any 69 year old he's ever seen. Like, how do you not see like. You know what he's like?

Remember that guy who wrote the twist? Come on, baby, let's do the twist. Right. And then next summer he comes out. Hey, write another hit song. Twist again like we did last summer. It's the same fucking song. The guy actually referenced back like, you know, do you remember when I wrote the same song?

It was a year ago. The fuck was that guy's name? I know it wasn't Charlie Pride. Chubby checker. You know what's worse about any time you bring up chubby checker than somebody always has to tell you the story of how he got his name. Well, you know, it was Fats Domino. So he said Fats chubby domino checker.

Yes, everybody's heard that story. We all saw Dick Clark tell that story. And then everybody told it in the fucking bars. You cunts. Anyway, so. Oh, I haven't given you guys the update on my sciatica. Sciatica. Sciatica.

I think I found the cure for it. I have not sat down for more than fucking, I don't know, six seconds for the last like 48 hours, and it seems to be doing wonders for me. That's the hardest thing about having sciatica. Other when I drive to the fucking office and come back. Um, I basically stand up in the writer's room and when I'm sick of standing, I just lay down on the floor like one of those fucking animals at the airport. Some of the pictures you guys have sent me to a fucking hilarious.

This guy sent me one with this guy was like, you know, they have the row of chairs. He was sleeping underneath them like perpendicular to them. So he had his legs, his ass and his lower back were underneath the chair, laying on his front and then he was like holding on to like his hooded sweatshirt that he was using as a pillow. He had that all wrapped with his head on the side, like, uh, like a little kid sleeping with the stuffed animal. Um, I mean, gee, like how long has your flight been delayed that you just lost that much?

I don't know. Respect for yourself that you're going to fucking lay down. I mean, who's kidding who? I mean, I get on a plane every once in a while. It's a long fucking flight, you know. You might kick your shoes off. You got your socks on. You keep your socks on top of your shoes.

You might do something like that for a minute. Provided your feet don't fucking stink. Provided you took a shower that day. You got on some fucking fairly new socks and a fairly new pair of sneakers. There's nothing wrong with that, but Jesus Christ. And you start walking around the fucking plane going into the bathroom. Animals. So anyways, anyways, let me, let me, uh, let me get back to the sports here.

So the blues are knocked out. The sharks have made their first final. Um, the calves kicked the fuck out of the, the, the raptors as far as I know. And I've only, you know, like I said, I just watch highlights of this shit. Dumbest fucking move was the raptors to start doing the, uh, wagon, the finger. Why would you do that? You know, Hey, we're finally starting to win here. Why don't we, uh, piss off the calves and get them more motivated.

They only have LeBron fucking James, you know, um, and okay. See is in the process of, uh, raping the, uh, the fuck are they? The California seals, who are they playing? Golden state warriors. Um, Jesus Christ. And I've missed all of it and I don't know anybody on any fucking team. I mean, other than the stars, I know those guys, so I'm going to shut up about it, but I'm tonight I'm going to tape game seven of the pens lightning.

And I'm also going to tape the, uh, the O.K.C. game because I want to see if they're going to close out the warriors. Um, and then, you know, you know, it's funny, all you need to do is just watch highlights and you could, you could still host the sports show. You know, I gotta tell you right now, from Oklahoma, whoever makes the finals in the East, let's say Cleveland wins. I'll tell you if I'm the Cleveland Cavaliers, uh, I got to be concerned with the thunder of Oklahoma city considering they beat the Spurs and they beat the warriors.

You know, two perennial favorites out in the West. Um, that's amazing the shit that they're doing out there. I wish I was watching it and I didn't. So I'm going to shut up about it. All right. Before it's any more excruciating to all you cunts out there. Um, yeah. So we're sitting there, uh, right in the fucking show and there's all these

goddamn fucking like stormtroopers driving up and down the street. You ever see those, those fucking lunatics cops, like this, the riot gear ones, you know, that you think you'd only see them. You think you'd only see them in like countries where they have like a dictator, you know, where the truck is driving down the street and they're standing on the outside of it, holding on to it. Like just, just way, way over the top. Like what the fuck?

I thought I lived in a democracy. What the fuck is that? Uh, they were driving over to like Jimmy Kimmel because, uh, Trump was going to go over there and say that he was the greatest panel guest ever. Um, and they're fucking driving over there like lunatics. One of the biggest bullshit things ever is that in this country, you're allowed to protest. It's such bullshit.

You're not, you show up to protest, you stand in there with your sign and then the cops come down and they beat the shit out of you. That's basically what happens. Or you file for a permit and they tell you where you can protest and it's down the street and up over a fucking hill. And if you even remotely raise your voice, you get a billy club to the face. And that's pretty much every single fucking country out there that considers itself a democracy.

Now, the ones that have a fucking dictator, you're not even allowed to do it. They just come out and they shoot you. So I guess, you know, compared to getting shot, it's fucking unbelievable. I just don't fucking get it. Like, what is wrong with a bunch of people chanting with signs? I'm not talking about the people start jumping on cop cars because those are the guys that they always show. But even if you don't do that, they just come down and they beat the fuck out of

you. Um, I'd hate to have that job as a cop. It's got to be so weird driving down there, going like, wait a minute, these are fellow Americans, they're protesting. This is the sign of a healthy democracy. And then you got your guy, why not tell you to slam the club on their fucking head? You know, you're going to ask me how, um, but they had like all these fucking trucks and they were just flying up and down the fucking street, you know, and

then they'll put it on the news and there'll be eight people that were flipping the fuck out and that's all they're going to show. And then the other thousand that showed up and we're just sort of standing there and they're all going to get defined by them, you know, it works. Well, I guess I'm doing that to the cops, right? Defining them by all the ones that beat the fuck out of them. That's what I like to do, people. I'd like to make a point and then I'd like to just completely fucking

destroy everything that I said. You know what this, this podcast just be, just, just be called the, I have no answers. I have arguments, but I have no answers. Hey, if you guys visited the all things comedy website, ATC.com. If you've been there lately, while you should, some of the greatest podcasts on in the free world are on there. And I appreciate if you'd swing by, check it out every once in a while. If you could, if you're getting sick of this podcast, there's plenty

of other podcasts to listen to. Um, let me do a little bit of fucking reads here really quickly before I fucking. Oh, I gotta have 16, 18 fucking minutes. All right, I gotta get moving here. All right. Here we go. Zipper cruder. Oh, by the way, I did.

I gotta tell you this, I fucking, I couldn't sleep last night, right? So like 450 in the morning, I'm just, I'm on, I'm on Twitter or whatever reason. I'm just fucking looking at shit. And I put my phone on silence and I turned all the volume down because knee is sleeping next to me. And then there was a video and I clicked on it and I thought because everything was off that I could just fucking watch it with the sound down. You know, I was watching all those things where people, somebody falls down

and they put it to a song, you know, and it was somebody doing like those fucking, you know, a burnout, spinning around and shit and fucking slammed into this guy. Uh, so I wanted to hear what song they put it to. I didn't want to see that. I just wanted the screen to be bigger so I could fucking see it and I pressed play and it came on full blast. And my wife just goes, Jesus Christ, what, what the fuck I flipped out.

And I was like, sorry, sorry, sorry. And then she immediately went back to sleep. And then for another half hour, you know, I'm still on the phone because I can't sleep. And then I hit another one like an asshole. Wasn't thinking. I just wanted to see what happened to this person. And she fucking sat up and she literally did the Ralph Kramden.

She just goes out, out. And I wanted to start laughing, but I knew she was going to get mad at me. And then she just went back to sleep and I didn't leave, but I'm waiting for her to wake up so I can tell her that she did that. Depending on how tired she is, you know, she might be pissed at me. Might still be pissed at me. You know what? That's one of those later in the day.

Once at the end of the day, when she can go to sleep, I'll fucking bring it up. All right. Here we go. Oh, look, everybody. It's our old friend zip. Are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates posting your job in one place, isn't enough to find quality candidates today?

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We write all week. We don't have a table read and then three weeks in a row. We do episodes six, seven, eight week off, just writing no table read and then nine, 10, and then I'm fucking done in the writer's room and maybe my fucking ass over here can fucking stop sending electric jolts down my fucking leg. Laying down in the room now. I feel like fucking like some Howard Hughes without the money. This fucking wolf man nails.

You know, I saw some of the other day when I was in the airport and they were playing classical guitar, you know what I mean? And it sounded beautiful, but the only thing that sucks about playing classical guitars, you got to grow your nails like a fucking wolf man. You know, on one of your hands. And it's all good when you're sitting down playing guitar. But the second you put your guitar down. Yeah, you just it looks fucking gross.

Am I out of my mind? And I guess that's no reason to stop. There's a few instruments you always have to pay the price for, like trumpet. Trumpets, one of them, you know, you start playing the trumpet, you get that fucking callus on your on your on your lip. You know, it's one of my favorite instruments ever. I love the fucking trumpet, but I would never play it play it because I wasn't willing to pay the price.

And plus I knew I would only be OK at it. Who wants to be OK with a fucking trumpet callus? Not this guy. I'll tell you that right now. All right. Now here we go. I'm going to give you my predictions for all the game sixes and sevens out there. And you can take all of these predictions to the bank and they won't give you shit for them because I haven't watched any of these series. The Golden State Warriors will.

When. The next game, Willie, I don't know. I didn't see the game. All I know is everybody said the exact same thing. I'll tell you, this team is a lot longer and a lot more talented than they're used to seeing. Everybody did a version of that. I guess they're long and they're talented. And the Warriors haven't seen anything like this, even though they played Oklahoma during the regular season.

But I don't think they were looking at them. All right. The Tampa Bay Lightning will win game seven tonight. All right. So I feel like I'm over two already. And what else we got? The Cavs. Oh, the Cavs won in the next one. That fucking series is over. You don't fucking wag your finger and fucking LeBron James face

or any of his teammates. So yeah, do you fucking mind? You know, all these fucking actors running around, bulking up, putting on their fucking underroofs, playing these superheroes, right? And all these fucking nerds going down to fucking check out who could fucking win the Hulk or Captain America. And what about Thor? Well, he's kind of stupid. He just has a hat and a hammer.

You know, you cut his hair, his fucking hammer breaks, all this fucking bullshit. You know, and then you got these fucking Comic Con cunts who actually dress like superheroes for real and walk around and try and stop crime. You know what I mean? Because they just so want these superheroes to be real. Well, just go to a Cavs game, you stupid cunt, and watch LeBron James. OK, LeBron James could grab Batman and Robin in one fucking hand, throw him through a plate glass window and he'd still get the end one

if someone was hanging off his other fucking arm. OK. Just go buy a ticket and sit down like a fucking gentleman. Stop standing in line with fucking 50 people dressed like Chebacca and Aquaman down in San Diego, whatever the fuck you go, so you can sit down and talk to the cast of I don't fucking know. One of those goddamn shows. What is what is what is a what is a I guess mine's a Comic Con show. I know what I think about it.

Jesus, I hope they don't play that audio if we ever do that show. Well, maybe they do. What are they going to do? Throw some of their action figures still in the box at me. You know why it's worth more if it's still in the box. I can't say why I can't say how you know why fucking weirdos. As you know, it hasn't been anywhere disgusting. Happy Red Nose Day.

What is this here? Hey, people send me this Twitter is for kids. You red nose fucko. Somebody just told me what the red nose thing is for. It goes it's it's for kids. Oh, is that what it's for? It's for kids. Oh, that explains it.

I don't know why I'm such a douche, but I fucking cannot stand. I can't fucking stand when a bunch of celebrities get behind a fucking cause and there's a fucking ribbon or a goddamn nose. And they I don't know why I just it dries. I know it's a good cause behind the cause, but I fucking hate it. And then everybody's going to find their own unique way to have the nose on their face, how they're going to fucking hold it. It's just it just drives me up the fucking wall.

That and famous people telling me who to vote for. Oh, you know what? I didn't know who to vote for. And then you told me, I mean, I guess I bitch about it, but I'm not telling you who to vote for. I don't fucking know like make a fucking 20 minute video. Here's why you should vote for fucking Freddie fuck face. You know, we're running out of water.

Shut up. You know, it's funny about what I just said. I could literally just stare in a mirror and say that to myself in a lot of ways. Right. I never tell you cunts who to vote for. I just make fun of the people you do vote for. That's what I do. And you want some comb over orange haired cunt. Why don't you just vote for me?

Instead of Donald Trump, the fuck is wrong with you? I have the greatest podcast ever. Nobody tells a shit joke like me. This club owner told me after 40 years of running the club, he's never seen shit jokes like my shit jokes. Speaking of which, I'm actually doing a vote for the fuck you want to vote for. I don't give a fuck.

It's not going to change anything. We're a bunch of animals and we're doomed to destroy each other. So, you know, get yourself a dog and a hobby. You know, find somebody you like, treat them nice. And it'll be great. They'll stay with you. And when the whole thing goes down, you'll have someone to hug. Jesus.

Anyways, that made me lose my complete train of thought. Oh, tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight. What was Phil Collins thinking in the 80s? Jesus Christ, he's such a great musician. Some of the worst fucking songs. After after I can't beat it coming. Then all of a sudden he was doing, you can't hurry love. After you can't hurry love, then did that song.

Easy lover was decent. And then it just went off the fucking rails. It's a studio. And that one, where he was yelling at you, you know, telling us to think twice because it's another day for you and me in paradise. You know, when you see a homeless person, it's like, hey, fuckhead. You know, the way I'm living compared to the way you're living, you don't need to look at a homeless guy.

Just look at me. You feel lucky when you look at me. You don't have to go all the way down to that level, do you? You fucking castle. Tonight, I'm going to be down at the comedy still doing a benefit for kids. That's another one, but I won't be wearing a red nose. But I will be jumping around like a fucking clown. This is for, you know what?

I don't know what it's for. It's for sick kids in hospitals. I have no idea. All I know is whoever put it together. I don't know. I trust Steve Simone. I trust the guy. So I figured, you know, I figured it's on the up and up. Who knows? I don't fucking I don't pretend to know things. Hey, is anybody out there who listens to this?

Are you one of those fucking riot police guys that rides on the outside of the truck? And when you do it, as much as your adrenaline is going up, do you ever just think of how fucking ridiculous it is? You know, like, what are we doing here? We got to get over to Jimmy Kimmel. Donald Trump is there. What's going to happen? All right, I think I think I pissed off enough people with this one.

All right, go have a great weekend, you cunts. And I will talk to you on Monday. And like I said, you can take all of those predictions to the bank, but I don't think they'll be there. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. Yeah, isn't that exciting? It's the Monday Morning Podcast. How are you? Thanks for coming to my page and thank you for listening. And thank you. It's Memorial Day.

So here we go. Something nice. Thank you to all the men and women who are serving this country right now, sweating their asses off over there in Iraq. I don't know what you're supposed to say today. Do you say happy Memorial Day? I don't think you do. That doesn't seem fitting.

I don't know what. I'm trying to see if there's a Memorial Day parade out here in LA. And if so, where would it be? You know what I mean? And the Memorial Day parade is a very serious thing. So I can't picture the parade going down sunset, honoring the fallen men and women who've served this country as the parade goes by the fucking saddle ranch.

You know? There's two whores watching some shithead ride a fake horse. You know what I mean? I just don't know where they would have it out here. I'm really not up on the parades out here in LA since I moved out here. I know they have the Gay Pride Parade. I know that's in Halloween. That one's always hilarious and confusing.

I've never understood the Gay Pride Parade. You know, they spend fucking 51 weeks out of the year trying to be like, look, we're normal. We're just born this way. Okay. For the love of God, stop tying us defense posts in Wyoming. All right. We're not against God.

We're just wired this way. You know? And then they have the Gay Pride Parade. And you think they come down the street, you know, trying to look a little bit respectable and what happens? Everybody's coming down the street with a dick in their hand. They have fucking... I just don't get it, you know?

It's just a goddamn free-for-all. It's a fucking spectacle, though. I definitely recommend seeing it. If you ever want to just... If you ever wanted to see what 300 would look like if... That's what it looks like. It looks like that movie 300 with dildos. Because everybody's shredded.

I don't know what gay... Why doesn't a gay guy put out like a fucking exercise video? You know what I mean? It's always these half-a-fag guys who are actually heterosexual and they're always standing on a beach. Nobody is more shredded than those gay dudes. I don't know what it is. Are there weights in those dildos?

Is that what it is? Do you fucking glue them to the wall and you do pull-ups or something? Oh, speaking of that shit, I know a few weeks ago I was talking about, you know, wanting to get in shape. And I actually... I was talking about that P90X system

and a couple people said it was bullshit. Every other people said that they liked it. All I know is like, you know, 200 bucks and like 58 DVDs. I was like a time-light series, you know, on how to get abs or something. And it was just too overwhelming and I go in the road too much. So I found the solution. I went online and I bought some...

I bought rings. You know those rings that gymnasts use? I'm going to put up a chin up bar today. And I swear to God, by the end of the year, I'm going to learn how to do a fucking iron cross. And I just watched that gymnastic shit and nobody is more shredded than those dudes. And there's something I like about being able

to lift your own body weight, you know what I mean? That, you know, if you can like climb up a fucking building, I think that's way better than being able to bench-press a car. Maybe it depends on the situation that you're in. You know, some fat fuck sitting on your chest, going, what are you going to do? Huh? What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do?

Like I guess then, if you could bench 400 pounds, that would be like a good thing. But I don't know, house fire, you're being chased by somebody. If you can go up a fucking building like Spider-Man, I think that that's... I have to think that that's always better. That'd be a cool thing. Jesus Christ, I can't get it out, Bill. I'm like, I think I thought you said you wanted one spider.

Yeah, so we'll see if I can get you the website here. This is what this podcast is becoming. It's becoming me informing you on the fucking whacked out shit that I do. All right, this is the Training Rings is where I went to, and www.trainingrings.com. And check it out, man. I want to be able to do one of those muscle-ups. You know, and I'm going to start wearing really tight t-shirts on stage,

and then I'll be ready for the Gay Pride Parade. Hey, look at that, I brought a full circle. All right. All right, before I get into the podcast, those of you who are new to my podcast, I basically do one of these every week, and people send me advice. Sometimes people ask for me advice.

People send me questions. I try to ask for them, answer them. I mean, the best of my ability. I don't know. And, you know, I don't read. I just sort of start talking, so don't really listen to me. I just hope I make you laugh at some shit. And I hype upcoming shit that I have,

like this week, May 24th. I have a real busy week this week. May 24th, the next installment of the Uninformed show with Bill Burr and Joe DeRosa, my radio show. Our radio show, me and Joe, that we do on XM202 is going to be this Saturday night, May 24th, on XM202 from 9 p.m. to 12 midnight. I'm going to be at Caroline's Comedy Club this week,

but it's going to be weird. I'm going to be there Thursday, not on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Why aren't you going to be there on Friday, Bill? Because I have to fly back to L.A. because I'm doing stand-up on an awards show. Oh, my God, are you going to be doing stand-up at the Oscars?

No. I'm going to be doing stand-up at the Spike TV Awards show. I know, I never heard of it either, but I'm actually kind of, I don't know. I'm excited. I never got to do an awards show. So I'll let you guys know when that's going to be.

And as usual, that part of the podcast sucks. Whenever I hype what I have coming up, I don't know, the whole thing starts to grind to a halt. I don't know. And then I never have half the fucking information. It's ridiculous. So, all right, before I get into my rant for the week, I actually, because it is Memorial Day,

I actually got a really cool email from somebody who's over there. I don't know if they're in the Army or the Marines. I'm assuming it's one of those two branches because they appear to be on the ground over there. It says, I hope to get back to the States and come to see you sometime. Quick story.

I was on a mission the other day, and I picked up the radio and called to my lead truck and said, is that pastel in your eggs? The other tactical commander said, it'sparagus. It was a little bit of humor for us. Good stuff. Talk to you later, Bill. The fucking cool is that, huh?

Somebody's fucking over there in Fallujah, sweeping out the houses or whatever the hell you do. You know, doing a couple of my jokes. That was one of the coolest emails I ever got and actually having the name of the guy who sent me that. So, when you get back safe, I'm going to hook you up at a show. All the rest of you cunts listening to this,

don't start sending me emails pretending that you're over there just so I can give you free tickets next time I place slappies in fucking Omaha, Nebraska. All right, that's bad karma. That's bad fucking karma. All right. All right, here's my fucking rant for the week,

all right, people? And I'm going to try to remain calm throughout this without losing my shit, because I think it's a very important thing that a lot of people are dealing with, and I'd much rather try to get the information out in a nice, calm way. That way, my message will be heard,

and I won't seem like a psycho. All right, forget about the fact that I talked to myself for a half an hour every week on these fucking things. Okay, so last week, I was flying to New York to do the HBO show Down and Dirty with Jim Norton. I was very excited to do it. Anytime you get to do HBO as a comedian, it is a big thing, a big, big thing.

You know, I was psyched to see Jim. Jim's the first guy from my graduating class of comedians to get a high-profile stand-up gig like that, so it was really cool. You know, I was anticipating seeing him post in the show. Yada, yada, yada, all that stuff, okay? I get a first-class round-trip ticket from fucking LAX. Don't swear.

Don't swear, Bill. Keep it nice. I get a first-round. First-class round-trip ticket. Okay, counting to 10 here. From LAX to Newark, okay? I don't know if you guys have flown first-class. I do it every once in a while when I get a fucking TV show.

I don't do it on a regular basis because I did that for one month, and I got an $8,000 credit card, Bill. And I said, you know what? I don't think Coach is that bad. So, now I got a free round-trip first-class ticket. Did I make that point yet? I think I did.

So, before I get on the plane, I haven't eaten, but I'm thinking, that doesn't matter. I have a first-class round-trip ticket. I am going to be whined and dined from LAX all the way to Newark, New Jersey. I'm going to have a fucking whine and dine. That's what I'm going to have. Probably get a foot massage, you know?

A little hot towel, maybe a quick little, how you doing, you know? First class. I'm going to sit there and look down on the people as they're getting into the back of the plane, acting like I'm running some big successful business, you know? So, I get on the plane, I'm starving.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, I'm going to get something to eat. Get on, they hand me the menu, okay? I got two choices. I can either get an omelet with potatoes, some fruit, I think a muffin and some orange juice, or cereal. And I'm like, wow, that's sort of a limited menu. Who the fuck would get cereal? I'm going with the omelet.

Who the fuck wouldn't get an omelet? A vegan. All right, you got me. But most, you know, generally speaking, everybody's going to get the eggs. So, I go and I read the final line of the menu, and in parentheses it says, please accept our apologies if your selection is not available.

And I was like, what the fuck is about to happen here? What do you mean please accept our apologies if your selection is not available? This is first fucking class. All right, that shit happens back in coach when you're sitting in row 38F. You know? Then they run out of eggs.

They run out of eggs in the back where they got people fucking stacked up like cordwood. You know? Is that even a word? A cord of wood? Isn't that an amount of wood? I don't fucking know. There's a question for you guys.

What is it? Is that a cord of wood? I cleared land one day and I heard that expression, and I just used it and I don't even know what the fuck it is. They got people jam-packed in the back of the goddamn airplane. That's where you run out of eggs. You don't run out of fucking eggs in first class. See, I'm flipping out.

Take it down, Bill. Make sure your message is heard. Okay? So I'm sitting there. They start at the front of first class. There's like five rows. I'm in row four. I'm doing the math, and they're going through.

And you know what? Nobody's picking the cereal. Of course they're not. Why would you pick cereal when you can get an omelet? All right? Needless to say, they get to my row and they say, what would you like, Mr. Burr? And I said, I would like the omelet, sir.

And they say, ooh, I'm sorry. We're out of eggs. And I go, what do you mean you're out of eggs? Yeah, everybody ordered eggs, and we're out of eggs. And I go, what do you have left? Knowing full well what they have left. And he goes, we have cereal and a bagel. And I looked at the guy and I said, dude,

I paid for a first class ticket, which I didn't. Of course I didn't. I got it for free. But I don't give a fuck. All right, I want to make a point here. I got to go for big air. I said, I paid for a first class ticket. I'm not eating cereal.

And the guy was like, I know, I know, I know. You're right. We don't think it's right, but this is just how they do it. And I'm like, what do you mean this is how you do it? So there's like 12 people here in first class. How do you run out of eggs? This is first class. I'm not eating cereal.

The guy goes, well, on odd flights we start at the front of first class and on evens we start at the back row of first class. And it's like, dude, it's fucking first class. This shouldn't be a problem. I want fucking eggs. And he's like, I didn't say fucking, I go, I want eggs. And he's like, well, all we have is cereal. I'm sorry, sir.

And I just said, you know what? I don't want anything. Right? Just started pouting. So I'm sitting there fuming. The stomach is growling. I got a six hour flight. I'm starving to death.

And the widest goddamn airplane seat I've ever sat in my life. So like two minutes goes by and I squint at God, the fucking flight attendant comes back. And he goes, I just talked to the pilot, the captain of the airplane. And he said he already ate. You can have his eggs. And I was like, what? He goes, the pilot said you can have his eggs. I'm like, I don't want his fucking eggs.

I don't want his fucking eggs. I want my eggs. This is first class. There should be enough fucking eggs for me. All right? And the goddamn piece of pilot, he should get eggs, fucking pancakes and waffles, whatever the fuck he wants. I don't want that. I don't want my pilot up front fucking starving, you know, passing out all lightheaded and shit.

Because he didn't get any fucking eggs. It was ridiculous, man. I mean, how much fucking money do you have to make? This is American Airlines, by the way. This is American Airlines. This is how fucking tight they are. They're trying to blame it on these fucking fuel prices. Oh, by the way, I ended up taking the eggs because I was so goddamn hungry.

And then I felt that. I'm sitting there eating and feeling guilty, like I'm eating the pilot's eggs. And then on the other side, I'm feeling like a sellout because I'm thinking, like, maybe they're thinking they're going to give me these eggs, and I'm not going to fucking fire off a goddamn letter on their website, which I did. It's fucking unreal. American Airlines are, they're the biggest fucking cunts of an airline. Do you remember when I remixed their song a few weeks ago, remember that? For those of you who didn't, that was my new thing, because I'm sick of these goddamn corporations,

and they're fucking, they're happy jingles as they're screwing you over every single day. So I remixed their song. Then it went a little something like this. We're American Airlines, fucking you with the ass. And then there's a joke two weeks ago, and I swear to God, I've never been more right in my life. And then the next day I get off the goddamn plane, bitch, I find out they're going to charge $15 for your first carry-on, not your first bag that you check, and they keep blaming it on fuel prices, how the price of fuel keeps going up. I'm telling you right now, as a passenger, if you believe that shit, I don't know what to tell you.

They make money off of misery, okay? 9-11, they made money, okay? I'm sure their expenses go up 20%, whatever, but you know, they don't just raise it 20, they raise it 25, and it's the same thing with this fucking fuel. This is my question, all right? Who's going to start it? Okay, I'm not starting it, but I swear to God, if anybody out there starts it, I'm going to follow, okay? There has to be some sort of fucking pushback, because I don't know what's going on with these fucking,

these goddamn corporations. They used to be the customers always, right? And somehow in my lifetime, it's going to, you know, fuck you and your mother customer. That's their vibe. You know, when I went to fly back, my round-trip first-class ticket, I show up, my fucking flight is canceled, and rather than flying first-class non-stop from Newark to LAX, I was now flying coach to Dallas, and then first-class from Dallas to LAX, and there was no voucher. They're like, yeah, we're not offering anything.

It's like, six months ago, I would have got a blowjob if you fucked me this bad, and she's just like, nah, nah, they're not offering anything. You got to call the 1-800 number, then I call the 1-800 number, and they're like, no, you have to talk to the person at the desk, and I'm like, cunt. I just talked to the person at the desk, and then they hung up, because I said cunt. So then I had to call back, and in the end of it, all they gave me was $150, which will buy like one-third of a coach ticket. Well, once again, I won't get any fucking eggs.

So all I'm asking is, who's going to start it? Who's going to start the fucking, you know what we need? We need like a fucking, what's Charles Bronson's name in those Death Wish movies? Paul Kurzy. We need a fucking, the airline version of that. Jesus Christ. I mean, who the fuck wants to pay $15 for their first bag that they check? Everybody knows that's bullshit.

Nobody wants to do it, but we're all going to do it because we're all just by ourselves twisting in the wind, okay? But if we all showed up the first day, June 15th of that promotion, whatever the fuck it is, and you show up at the airport with angry faces and torches, like we're going to go try to get Frankenstein, guaranteed that none of us has to pay $15, okay? I'm not trying to ensign a riot here. I'm just saying, somebody, start passing out the two-by-fours.

I'm down with it, all right? I'm not going to lead it because I procrastinate, and everybody knows, you know, they always chop off the heads so the body falls, okay? If I learned anything from the 1960s, black, white, male, if you fuck with the deal, you have a convertible ride in your future, all right? But some good things do happen. So, oh, fuck, I'm so pissed right now. I can't fucking believe that.

The pilot's eggs. Actually, the pilot, can you fucking believe that? Thirty years ago, the goddamn stewardesses, it was... First of all, they were all hot. That's for one thing, okay? It was a goddamn glamorous job, all right? You had a one in ten chance of hooking up with one of the hottie stewardesses. That's why people used to wear suits.

You wanted to look, it was like a nightclub. Everyone was boozing, people were smoking. You were having a goddamn party in the fucking sky. Here's one for you. You know what first class used to be? This is the greatest story I've ever heard as far as first class. This is what it used to be as compared to my fucking, we're out of eggs first class experience, Pan Am Airlines.

I'm dating myself here, all right? Pan Am, when used to fly to, I think it was John F. Kennedy Airport. I write about this shit on the Internet, right? So, it's gotta be true. First of all, the MetLife building, that's right above Grand Central Station, used to be the Pan Am building. So, when used to fly first class to JFK Airport, you got off first class and you didn't go to a fucking town car

and sit in goddamn traffic on the LIE or wherever the fuck you go through the midtown tunnel and take an hour and a half, which ruins the first class experience. You got off the fucking plane at JFK Airport. They put you on a helicopter. Swear to God, they put you on a helicopter and they flew you to the top of the Pan Am building. You got off, drinks were waiting,

probably more broads with those scarves tied around their necks like fucking dick cavits. You get another blowjob, then you took the fucking elevator down to the first floor, jumped in a cab and you went to your hotel. Pre-Herpes, pre-AIDS, here's some pen and splint. Have a good fucking time, all right? That was first class back then. Then something happened where the wind,

something happened where the wind tipped over a helicopter and the blades went flying down to the street and chopped somebody in half. Okay, but that's beside the point. That really did happen, by the way. I forget who had chopped in half, but he was the son of somebody, somebody obscurely famous, you know,

like the guy who invented, like, the bookmarker or something. All right, Jesus Christ, I'm fucking winded after that story, which brings me to my first bit of advice that somebody gave me this week. Bill, taking naps can really help me out when I get too negative and agitated, but this could be hard for you since you fly so much. Running and lifting weights also helps me out, too.

Well, thank you for that advice. I think the running and lifting weights would help me out, as you can tell with my rage issues, but taking naps, I can't do it. Like, I don't know, my brain wakes me up. I don't know how to shut it off. I don't know if anybody out there knows how I can shut this fucking thing off.

All right, I'm really worked up here. All right, here's some advice from somebody. This is a question I get, like, every week. People will always give me this one. They say, people say, I'm funny. How do I become a comedian? I must get asked this, like, 10 times a week. This is what you do.

Write five minutes of shit that you think is funny. Sign up for an open mic. They call your name. Go up there. Hang on for dear life. Spit out as much of it as you can remember. Tape your set. Go home.

Listen to it. Keep the jokes at work. Get rid of the ones that didn't. And then write some more jokes to take place. Take the place of the ones that didn't work. And then you sign up for another open mic. You repeat the process, and you just keep doing that, and then eventually you build an act.

Next thing you know, you're a comedian, flying first class to a dream TV gig without any fucking eggs. Oh, no, you get eggs. But we're going to give you the guilt trip. You can have the pilot's eggs. He'll just sit up there and be hungry. What the fuck?

All right. This podcast I'm sensing is getting a little long here. Let me get on to the questions, and I'll get out of here, and you guys can get on with your memorial days. Okay, Bill, question number one. You always seem to mention sports in your act. I was wondering if you were involved in any fantasy sports leagues. No, I am not.

Fantasy sports leagues are for geeks. I fucking, I can't stand them. They have ruined sports talk in a bar. People aren't, like, affiliated with fucking teams anymore. You bring, oh, my God, you see the Vikings won? Oh, yeah, I go take care of the fantasy team. Really? Really?

What else do you have on your fantasy team, huh? A girlfriend? Somebody who satisfies you sexually? Huh? What else do you have? A dream job? Were you not fucking walled in by a cubicle? No, I don't play fantasy sports leagues.

Actually, you know what? I don't really know much about them. I find that sports takes, they take, takes up too much of my time anyways. So I don't watch pregame. I'm not in fantasy sports leagues. I don't watch post games. I don't listen to any of those fucking ranting, raving lunatics

that ESPN has now. If anybody on ESPN, for some reason, listens to these things, why has every show become two people screaming at each other? And why do you guys hype things up to such a ridiculous fucking level that it never, you know what I mean? Like, I remember the Patriots were 6-0. They're like, is this the greatest team ever?

Yeah, yeah, I guess they are. I mean, let's completely ignore the fact that the Colts were 13-0 two years earlier. Let's, let's declare them, let's ask if they're the greatest team ever when there's still fucking 20 games left in the season, you dumb cunts. Number two, Bill, which end of your comedy crowd spectrum

do you prefer to put up with? The douchebag frat guys who drank so much, they decided to try and heckle you after your show while you're signing CDs. Oh yeah, I know who this is. That happened to me in Chicago. Okay. Or the older men who came to the show with their wives

that are afraid to laugh at your jokes because they want to get laid that night. I definitely prefer the older guys who don't laugh because they want to get laid by their wife that night because if I pick up on it, it usually ends up being a much funnier situation because I can make the woman somehow feel guilty for doing what she's doing.

I guess, I don't know, riff on it, that's more fun. But as far as the guy heckling you after the show because he didn't have the balls to do it during the show, it's just sad and it always makes me feel like that person actually wanted to be a comedian. They just never had the balls to do it and I'm watching the death of a dream. Wow, that was dark.

Okay, question number three. Bill, is he slash she a bad comedian if they try to talk to the audience? I've noticed in the last few years, the worst comics are the ones that base their comedy on, hi, where are you from? So they can goof on the audience. Wait a minute.

So they can goof on the audience are the worst comics. No, that wasn't me. That was him. He wrote a bad sentence there. Even the last time I saw you were in Southern California, the improv, the two people before you kept trying to find ways to make fun of the people in the audience. As a comic, do you think that this is a sign that they are a bad comic?

I would think it would turn everyone else off because they are too worried about being talked to next. One time I was watching a taping a Frasier in LA and 90% of the people got up because the comic in the stands with us kept ripping on everyone. Alright, first of all, that's fucking hilarious. The guy doing the audience warm up was in between takes of Frasier was just going,

what are you guys, a bunch of fucking douchebags? And 90% of the crowd left. I don't want to be a cunt here, but I don't know about 90%. Just like 30%. I would think if 90% of the studio audience walked out, at some point somebody with a clipboard and a headset would have walked over to the comic

and would have been like, hey dude, why don't you fucking tone it down a little bit? Kelsey Graham is getting a little pissed because 90% of the crowd has left. Can you stop calling them cunts? I know what you're saying though. What do I think? As far as people working with the audience,

yeah, I definitely know what you mean. There's definitely guys who don't have enough jokes. So then they go, hey, where are you from? What do you do? Whoa, that job sucks. But then there's other guys I see fucked with the crowd and they're brilliant at it. I would just basically say if you don't have any material

and you suck at playing to the crowd, then yeah, you suck at it. Then you suck as a comic, absolutely. But if you're good at it and that's your thing, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Jesus Christ, I answered that like Hillary Clinton. Well, I think it could be a good thing and a bad thing. Whatever, just fucking elect me.

All right. Has she given up yet? Jesus Christ. She's like one of the fucking, she just won't tap out. She's like one of the Gracie's. They got like a fucking armband all the way back. Ah, I still think I'm doing good. Think I'm gonna win. I'll take some.

That's the one thing I've learned about this election. I've learned that I completely do not give a shit about race. I really don't. Black, white, Puerto Rican, I don't give a fuck if you make sense. I will vote for you, right? But my hatred of women, woo, is fucking unreal. I don't hate women. It's just that fucking voice.

Good Lord. You know, they gotta bring it down. The problem is, is women, they raise their voice up. Because they try to do what the guys do. Guys, when they raise their voice, it has a commanding sound to it. Women, when they raise their voice up, they sound like a fucking seagull. So what she needs to do is deliver her speeches in a middle range. Maybe even drop it down to whisper a little bit.

And I swear to God, that's where the female voice has power. Medium voice to a whisper. It can make you dick hard. You know, you dick hard, I don't know. You're not thinking clearly, you're gonna fucking vote for her. But when you're fucking way up there, people are not going to hear your message. I talk more shit on this fucking thing. Alright, the last question, here we go.

Then I'm going to get out of here. Question number four. Bill, you spoke about us going home with you, you know, hearing you, oh, this is last week's podcast, when I parked my car in the garage and all that. Yeah, we heard you walk up the steps, close the garage door, which made me think, what's your take on stalkers? Celebrity stalkers, if you will. Is she like insulting me there?

Celebrity stalkers, if you will. Celebrity in quotes. God knows, I love the 80s, doesn't count as being a celebrity. Which it doesn't, you're right, okay. Celebrity stalkers, if you will. Have you ever had one? If you did, would you be flattered or freaked the fuck out? Okay.

No, yeah, obviously, who the fuck wants to be stalked? You know what I mean? I wouldn't want to be stalked by the hottest chick on the planet. That's how frightening stalkers are. Because no matter how good looking they are, they have that crazed, I always think of that fatal attraction, that I'm not going to be ignored, Michael, whatever his fucking character's name was. Right then, you know what he should have done?

Whenever I see that movie, Fatal Attraction, she's like, I'm not going to be ignored, and she sort of leans her head down a little bit. I always wanted him to just hit her with like a fucking, just a right cross from a fucked up angle like Roy Jones. Remember, he used to throw the punches from those weird angles? Maybe he would make that little rooster hop and just fucking crack. You know? There, there's your attention.

Oh, look at me. I'm like, dice clay at the end of this fucking thing. Why am I doing this? It's just brutal. Why am I lashing out at women here in the end of this? This is dumb, okay? Just because I'm not going to vote for Hillary Clinton doesn't mean I hate all women. I just hate the sound of the female voice in the high register.

I think that that's what it is. Anyways, let me finish answering this question, and then I'll get the fuck out of here. Yeah, that is my thing. Yeah, the stalkers freak me the fuck out. I don't mind people who really, you know, come out to the show. I've had a couple people come out to the show and they made t-shirts and that kind of thing, and they act a little zany. That doesn't bug me.

But, you know, later on that night, I don't, you know, roll over in bed, and all of a sudden they're hovering outside my hotel window. Yeah, that would obviously freak me out. Yeah, I don't think anybody finds that flattering, okay? I'm taking a very serious tone now, all of a sudden, and I'm starting to get scared. Okay? You happy? That's what your question did to me.

All right. I'm going to go put on my chin up bar. Okay? That's what I'm doing. And I'm actually going to buy a piece of rope down at the hardware store that I'm going to hang from the fucking thing, and I'm going to be able to fucking climb up that son of a bitch. I don't know what you're thinking.

Well, Bill, it's the fucking, I mean, what are you going to get, like, six feet of rope? No, this is what you do. You do get that amount of rope, but you're fucking, actually you get more because you want to be able to tie it up, but you sit on the floor, okay, with your legs straight out, L-shaped, and then you pull yourself up just with your arms. And I'm telling you, if you can fucking do that, my goal is by November to fucking glue 10 mic stands

and put them on top of each other, and that's how I'm going to end my shows. I need to hook people, okay? I'm going to climb right up the fucking thing, right out the roof, get on a helicopter, buy one of those old Pan Am ones, and fly the fuck out of the gig, and that's how I'm going to end it every fucking time. I'm going to do a big dramatic wave right as I go through the ceiling of a funny bump.

All right, and that's it. There you go. That's the podcast for the week. Please keep sending me the questions. Please keep asking me or giving me advice or whatever, and I will talk to you guys next week. Everybody have a great week. I'm at Carolines this week on Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Friday, I'm flying back to L.A.

because I have to do a stand-up on a Spike TV award show. Next weekend, the following weekend, I'll be at Good Nights Comedy Club in North Carolina. Later on that month in 19th through the 21st, I'll be at the Punchline at Atlanta, Georgia. Hot Atlanta! And I don't know where the fuck I'm going to be after that. I just put up a Miami, Florida date.

What else do I got coming up? I got some dates in September. I got Austin in October. Just go to billbird.com, check all of them out. My DVD and my comedy special, they're all coming out in September. That's Jim Norton, HBO Down and Dirty with Jimmy Norton. That's also coming out in September,

and I'll let you guys know next week when the Spike TV Awards thing is coming out. All right, that's it. That's it for this week. Thanks for listening. Take it easy. Findingsuitable mental health medications can be a challenge. The Genesite Test may help. Did you know that genetics can play an important role in gaining insight on how a person may respond to various medications?

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