Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-1-23

Episode Date: June 1, 2023

Bill rambles with Joey McIntyre about acting together, partying too hard, and aggressive fans.  Joey is on a solo tour this summer.  Dates at https://www.joeymcintyre.com FreezePipe: Start smoking like royalty without paying a king’s ransom by visiting www.TheFreezePipe.com and use code BURR for 10% off your entire order. LiquidDeath: Listeners get 20% off their first Liquid Death apparel purchase available exclusively at www.LiquidDeath.com/BURR GameTime.co:  Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code BURR for $20 off your first purchase.  

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon. Just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I am just checking in on you to see how your weeks go. And as you can tell, this is a videoed one, which means I have a guest, a special guest,

which I only have. This guy is a multi-talented. He's like an old school triple threat. He can sing, he can dance, he can act. He can do, yeah, they call him slash, but not the ones from Guns and Roses. This is the one from New Kailer. It's all the Steelers.

All the Steelers, New Kits on the Block, Boston Zone, Joey McIntyre, everybody, here to promote a tour that you're going on. Yes. Let's do that first and then I'll tell this sad story of how we both ended up in each other's lives. Joe McIntyre, ladies and gentlemen, is going on tour. He's going to be starting July 7th through August 4th, dude.

You musicians, when you guys tour, you guys fucking go out there. They grind. Okay. This is from July 7th to the 4th. I'm not gonna say all the dates, but San Antonio, Texas, Dallas, Texas, St. Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, one of my favorite cities. Why, why in dope? Why in dope?

It's just outside of Detroit. Okay. Like on paper, it doesn't look very sexy, but it's actually, you know, yeah, it's why and don't. Michigan. We all know why and dot why that's like a jeopardy question. What state is why and don't it? Toronto going to take all your money puts me a great time.

This is all Canadian bastards. Verona Cincinnati, Evanston, Illinois Atlanta Atlanta Nashville, Charlotte, Alexandra, Virginia, Philadelphia, and high anus. And that's right, baby. Okay, quadmeleauty. That's right. All right, little teaser. I might, I might be in town.

I say no more, Bill, the red carpet. I'll send the chop before you. The red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the red, the than the chopper for you. The Red Bull for all freckles. Send it over to Kent and see you can beat all the traffic down. I know, take the born and you take the fucking Saginaw. So me and Joe got to know each other.

We did a movie called The Heat. Yes. Way back in the day. We did. It's already back in the day with Melissa McCarthy. Sandra Bullock? Yes. And some legends.

I mean, I always talk about... I mean, it's sort of... It might be a bit of a stretch to call that a modern-day classic. I mean, I get a lot of love from that. There's not a lot of classics anymore. Is classics even a thing in life anymore? I think somehow, people got a little nervous, corporate lawyers during this whole time of everybody getting offended, which became really a way to get attention to literally watch a movie or a TV show

and say that you were offended. Like, yeah, yeah. It's funny how many people can get offended by that, but no, like, what it was, like, they're not offended on how bad they fuck over performers and what all these corporations do. You see, like, you're walking on strike out here, they don't bad they fuck over performers. And what all these corporations, do you see like if you're walking on, I don't strike out here, they don't give a fuck about that.

No, they don't give a fuck about assholes keeping all the money so they can buy another yacht. And that's totally fine. Now, if you go out and you say some fucking joke order, but I think like all of that's kind of gone away. Like I feel like cooling off, there's a cooling off period. I feel like it was a fad. Not being offended, I feel like cooling off, there's a cooling off period. I feel like it was a fad. Not being offended, I feel like people

actually taking the time to pretend that they give a fuck is going away. It's like they're using their energy somewhere else, but for a while they really put a lot of energy into. Yeah, like, remember when they would make it all those vampire and werewolf movies? They just kept making one after another. And they were all making money. And then at some point, every so it's like, you know, I'm kind of sick of these vampires and werewolves.

So I think everybody's a little sick of somebody, you know, with their emotional support turtle that they have to bring on the fucking plane. Like, I don't think, I don't think anybody ever did care, but it was kind of like this weird period of like should I care? Should I care? No, I just think everyone was trying not to get in trouble. Yeah, because you started seeing people in the mail room. It's tricky out there. Taken out the big guy up top. It's tricky. It's tricky. And you're going out there on tour. I'm going out there on tour by myself. But these are all cool. No one sitting still. No, it's, it's good. But, but, but to just, you've seen this going to be more comedy classics coming around the bend now, because we're less afraid to offend people. Especially one called old dads, which is coming out soon. Yeah, baby. What do

you think you're just waiting? We're waiting. the world project? We're waiting, we're waiting, I was curious about that. Well, I saw you the other night, which was probably two months ago at my age, but I saw you down at the bourbon room. Yes, and you let me do the intro. You did let you do the intro, you're a sweetheart. We know that Bill, no matter how much you rent and rave, we all know you're a sweetheart, and know that bill no matter how much you rent and rave We all know you're a sweetheart and you know

I'm gonna be able to hide normal. You're not gonna be able to hide it So for you to say let me you were kind enough to come down and of course I wanted to tweet it But you're so cool. I didn't want to I just wanted them can some things just be private You know what I mean? Do we have to post everything like that bill burgl I didn't you know I got you back. I got great footage of you everything like that. Bill Berg, I didn't, you know, I got you back. I got great footage of you in throwing me. So for the, for the listening audience right now, Bill came down to my St. Patty's Day show and introred me. And it was frickin hilarious. Uh, anyways, of course, you know, it had a Boston slant to it, but you were about to wrap up, but my buddy on stage,

I was talking about your Puerto Rican mother. My Puerto Rican mother. My band, my one man band was out there, and he had to stall, he goes something's wrong, something's wrong. We're not plugged in or something like that. So I had to tell you to keep going, keep going, and it was quite epic.

So was that show that I saw the bourbon room? What that obviously this tour was in place. These things take a while to come together. So was that, no, oh, okay. Well, the inside baseball answer, I guess, is that it was a little rushed. Most of the time, these kinds of dates, you have to set up. But it was a little hectic because it was sort of last minute but not you got to find the right places, you know what I mean? I didn't want to, you know, they're like the Berber Room, which is like

between 200 and 500. I mean, the melody tent is 2200. That's a, that's a bigger show. But that's a huge place. Yeah, trying to find the right rooms. And so, but I think what you're asking is, it's that show, I was sort of workshopping a little bit, it's like a comic would do. I mean, I did, like a handful of shows at the Bourbon Room to work out what set list this would be for me to take on the road. So, but how does that work?

Because that fascinates me. I'm not much of a singer. I don't know if you have a notice set. But I was, I know how kind of how I put together a stand-up set. So when you're going out, you know, I would think that your fans are going to expect, you know, some of the stuff with your other band there.

Yeah, sure. And you're also doing like standard stuff that you wrote. Standards and then I have my stuff. And, you know, Yeah, sure. And you're also doing like standard stuff that you wrote, standards. And then I have my stuff. And, you know, yeah, so it's a combination. And I, a little bit of this as far as my year, I started my year playing an amazing show

at Carnegie Hall in January. So I just turned 50, the big 50. And so I said, I'm not the fuck of the five of you. I'm out. Look at you. It's the full head of hair You don't have it you don't have any booze what take the compliment take the cop you have no booze weight

You still have a nice fucking chisel jaw. Well, I'm trying to stay on the liquid death like you bill I know you I know you're one of those guys are like yeah, you don't drink anyone Yeah, I just like a shit to do you know what I mean? No like, yeah, you don't drink anymore. Yeah, I just stay like a shit to do. You know what I mean? No, I had kids. I had to stop because, oh, dude, I was getting fucked. I was drinking like an old school dad. I had a big bottle of brown stuff. Oh, yeah.

And I was watching me TV and heroes and icons. And I just kept hitting pause going, what kind of card did Efron Zimblis Jr. drive in this? And Jack Lord, what kind of car was that? I was in my fucking glory and I was staying up till like two in the morning, getting fucking hammered. It was great. I'm not gonna lie to you.

Being a irresponsible dad in that manner was fun for about three weeks and it took me about eight months to stop. I identify greatly and I think once you make the switch, you can't, I mean, the good news and the bad news is that, switch, it's, you can't, I mean, it's the good news and the bad news is that I like, oh, I can't drink anymore. But then you're like, wow, I can't drink anymore because you can't recover the way you get.

Yeah, I'm not like a full on Alki, but I'm definitely, I'm on the fucking spectrum towards full on Alki. So I just know how hard it was to quit. So it's not like I, like the full on alkeys, you know, the guy with the yellow fingers, smoking the cigarettes and eating the donuts and the meetings, those guys. Like they literally wake up with the shakes.

It's like for death. The shakes and they're gonna keep, they're gonna keep going. I, all I have to do is just get it out of the house and then it's like three, four days of like, and then I'm just, and then I just don't think about it anymore. I know, I know. They get it out of that don't think about it anymore. I know, I know.

The get it out, I have a problem. The get it, shut. I'm with you, bro. I'm Simpatico, we're in the same car right now. Okay. But I hate the idea of getting it out of the house, you know. I did. Because I got a nice, you were, you were,

came over the house recently, but I have this little closet, it's like it's got a sink in it, and how can you not have whatever you need to make whatever you need, even for the guests? I know. But I'm actually getting there, I'm actually getting there. Part of me is like, you don't wanna be bummed out,

how do you balance the fact that you look like, you look like you could have like a glass of wine with dinner and then be like, that's enough. Well, I am a lightweight, but I mean, the reek, no, I'm absent, I'm talking about your capacity. Right, I would never insult you like that. But what last name, Macintosh,

I assume you can run the race. I know, I really can't. No, I'm an absolute lightweight, but still it doesn't matter to each his own. So, you know, what was back in the day? What was back in the day? Back in the day? You're in your prime.

What was it? What was your drink? Well, I want to clear, I mean, it was very, it was only a few months ago, you know, okay. But I mean, no, I can't do it the same way. I mean, in Manhattan, I make myself my own Manhattan, you know what I mean? It's like, but a boom, but I mean, no, I can't do it the same way. I mean, in Manhattan, I make myself my own Manhattan, you know what I mean? It's like, but a bone but a bang.

And it's, yeah, I go in the closet with the sink and I make the drink and I sit back down and life was beautiful for about 15 minutes. Don't you find though, like even just the whole process of making the drink in a lot of ways becomes as fun as drinking the drink. Just having all the stuff. Absolutely. Doing a little ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch.

Yeah. Hearing that, no one exactly how you like it. Thinking about it on the way home. Walking past family members. That's the things to be talking to, you know, making a beeline. They call it the obsession, right? The obsession is the problem.

It's not so much the drinking. So yeah, the thinking about it is like could take up a lot of space and energy. You know, I mean, that's my part of my thing about whatever the fuck is wrong with me is I love the process. You know what I mean? I love the process of picking out a cigar. The sixes from the right. Translip browsers. Yeah. Yeah. I'm talking about processing. The digestive process. I liked the whole, the cutter, the lighter.

What you like. I, I, I, one time went down a rabbit hole watching, I can't find the YouTube video. This old guy did a whole video on the proper way to light a, a real Cuban cigar. And it was literally like he had a match and then he lit like a piece of cedar because you didn't wanna draw the flame in,

certainly from a lighter, or from even from a match because the chemicals that are on there affect the pristine taste of the tobacco. And I just sat there riveted and I watched this guy, I mean dude, he was just sitting there going around the edges of it and getting it going before he even clipped it.

And he was doing that. I felt like 20 minutes. And then when he clipped it, he had the cherry and everything was just right there. And I was just like, I mean, I almost think that if you're like that serious about your vice, you don't get cancer. Like cancer respects you.

Like, okay, this guy. So, and you're, that's your cigar guy now. It's like cancer respects you, like, okay, this guy's... So and you're, that's your cigar guy now. It's just like... I am, I've cut way back and recently a buddy of mine started smoking a pipe and somebody when I was in Milwaukee gave me a pipe. Bill, if you start smoking a pipe, man. I don't know, man. I don't know. Is. I don't know.

Is that the end? We're not that. I just don't know if the world and your world and all your loving public would handle that. They couldn't, if you come on with a free pipe. You know what it is? Everybody laughs, but then they smell the pipe smell. They go, I love that smell.

It's gorgeous. So as in cigars, I love the small cigars. I love that, but I can't smoke. I'm done. So, I was in cigars. I love the small cigars. I love that, but I can't smoke. I'm done. I smoke one. I'm done. I've got them out of the house. Okay.

I hit everything out of the house. Get out of the house. Get out of the house. Yeah. Cause I'm too old to get in the car. Yeah. To go to a bar. Absolutely.

To go, you know, for sure. Yeah. So, sort of the last frontier is, cause we got the kids are six and three. So we have this cabinet that has all the snacks in it. You know what I mean? And I'm just like, I had to like, I had to finally give it to the fact

that this is gonna be snacks, okay? Like a childhood for the kids to, without you know, free dose Doritos, whatever the fuck they want. Yeah. So I just what I got now is I got like, what I got, oh my god, this is what it's like.

I have fucking raw cashews. That's as good as again. And I go down and I take a handful before I get into the other bullshit. Right. That gets the appetite going. No, that kills it. That kills it.

So late at night, I make a sandwich. It's raw cashews. A handful of raw cashews just the sadness of that wow in pajamas just to keep you I'm in pajamas standing in the little pantry keep your head eating raw someone's gonna give you your edge rock cashews I've had I've had a that whole fucking bullshit east coast all you got to stay back there and keep your edge they really they really say stay angry like me and lash out at people around

you. It's like I don't want to, I don't want to do that anymore, but I will say I still do have booze in the house. And, um, and I have high end booze for when people come over. Okay. And I sort of live vicariously through them. Like a long time ago, I bought a bottle of Papi Van Winkle's which we just finished it. And I actually would get joy out of for more pouring a glass for someone who's never had it. Wow. Here's another thing too.

I only busted out for certain people. What? Yeah. You know, so do you have to wipe is like is he is he earned? Yeah. Somebody should I pull it out? I don't know Let's see I think he's gonna get a little pappy, but no, there's some people of their makers

Some of makers people okay, all right not everybody gets what is it like a spicy thing? Is it a knock your socks off as a burn your soul? We'll you I'm okay. I'm gonna get another bottle. Okay, you're gonna come over. Okay, all right. Yeah, and I'm going to get another bottle. You're going to come over. Okay. Alright. Yeah. And I'm going to pull you two fingers. Two fingers. And of course. Oh no, you would never. I would never do anything with this. You're going to sip it, dude. It's going to change your life. You're going to sneak into your kitchen and get it up. You're going to buy a bottle. Yeah.

After this tour, all the money you make on this, you're going to go out and get it up. You're gonna buy a bottle. Yeah, after this tour, all the money you make on this, you're gonna go out and get that. There's another thing called Kentucky Owl, which was the last thing I ever boosted with, was just, you know, it almost makes you not feel like an alcoholic, it's so good. It's like the wine thing. We know there's a whole lot of this,

switching it around and stuff, that, you know, when you're developing your palate for wine, you don't really, that you're a fucking whino. Right, right. There's that, yeah, there's that angle of the disease that you can think you're doing it. You know that white guy, the big puffy white guy, and he's got like the loafers with no socks,

and you see the fats starting to come out of the loafers. They live in that gout line. And the color of that curtain behind it. Exactly. That's what it knows is. And he's just sitting in and going, it's all about wine and everything. And you're just listening to the guy.

His heart's going to give out at any second. Yeah. You're like, dude, I don't want to ruin this field trip, but you are a raging alcoholic. But they're happy. What about the happy ones? God bless them. You know, I'm not a lot of you dude.

If I never had kids or anything, I would have been one of those guys that just dropped at 59. Yeah. And I would have been like, they would have been like, and this would have been my Yuluchi. You know, he smoked every cigar,

drank every drink, you know, he lived life this guy. You're happy. That's it. That's it. Oh man. drank every drink, you know, he lived life this guy. Happy, happy everybody. Oh man. All right, we got some reeds for the week. Look what it is. Freeze pipe.

We eat it. I can't make that noise. Boop, boop, boop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop. That's what I'm trying to do. Jake Al's been. Freeze frame. We get it Bill. All right, freeze pipe.

You know, it's time to enjoy bigger clouds without the throat burn or coughing attacks. For the coldest and smoothest cannabis smoking experience you need, a freeze pipe, man. Bubbler or Bong from Freeze pipe. Why did it take so long for somebody to invent this? This is fantastic. Included on every piece is a freezable glycerin chamber that cools smoke by over 300 degrees. Pop one of these chambers in the freezer for one hour, and as smoke passes through it's instantly chilled for an icy experience that outperforms

traditional pipes and bonds. Not gonna lie, that sounds pretty amazing. Start smoking like royalty. Oh, what, is the fucking royal family had one of these for centuries? Start smoking like royalty without paying a king's ransom. I get what they did there. By visiting the freespeite.com and use code burr. B-U-R-R for 10% off your entire order once again that's

freeze pipe dot com fr e e z oh sorry the freeze pipe the freeze pipe dot com th e fr e e z pipe dot com and code burb for 10% off shop today and say goodbye to harsh smoke forever. All right, who's now liquid death, everybody? I'm not just a drinker I invested in the company. Liquid death, you know, you've seen liquid death at festivals, concert bars, even on Zoom calls. I've seen them at my grocery store.

Death to plastic, murder your thirst. Their cold tall boys of mountain spring water will brutally murder your thirst. Their aluminum cans are infinitely, I don't even need to fucking read this shit. I drink it all the time. I just look at it this way. Would you rather drink a cold beer out of a can or a plastic bottle? Fuck you to everybody who said glass. I know what you're saying. But I'm just saying. If you had to choose between the two, you'd pick the aluminum can, right? They make mountain water, flavored sparking water, sparkling water, and they now have iced tea, three flavors. Grim

leafa, rest in peach, and armless Palmer. Do not compare to Arnold Palmer. All right, those cans of iced tea are healthy, not loaded with sugar. Ice teas have a microdose of 30 milligrams of caffeine per tall boy. They're also enhanced with B vitamins. You can get liquids depths, healthy beverages on Amazon, or at a retailer near you, and burt Tuesday listeners get 20% Tuesday. Monday or Thursday, I would think. Get 20% off their first liquid death a retailer near you and burr Tuesday listeners get

20% Tuesday Monday Thursday I would think get 20% off their first liquid death of peril purchase available exclusively at liquid death dot com slash burr exclusions may apply that's liquid death

dot com slash burr. All right and lastly but certainly not leastly it's game time dot CO. Buying tickets to your Alright, and lastly, but certainly not leastly, it's gametime.co Buying tickets to your favorite events shouldn't be stressful. Game time is the fast and easy way to buy tickets for all sports, music, comedy, and theater near you. With killer deals on last-minute tickets and their best price guarantee, you can stop stressing over tickets and start getting hyped for the

fun you're going to have. Forget planning months and events, GameTem has deals on tickets right up to the day of the event. The GameTem guarantee means you'll always get the best price. If you find tickets in the same section and row for less, GameTem will credit you 110% of the difference. Get images of your seats before you buy, so you know exactly what to expect when you arrive.

Tickets are sent directly to your phone, so you never have to dig through your email. Snag the tickets without distress with game time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, and use code Burr, BURr for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply again, create an account, and redeem code Burr, B you are for $20 off. Download game time today. Last minute tickets. Lowest prices guarantee, man. No, so, um, I mean, let me, let me bring this

around back to my tour bill before we hear our, no, I'm kidding, but seriously, it is very topical for me because to do this many dates. It's not heroic. I'm not trying to, I'm not trying to, but to this, I hope this, I have responders and this Joey McIntyre. Thank you, on tour. On tour. Let's put this in perspective.

I keep saying it and I want to balance it out, but I have to live like a monk. I really do because if I want to do what I want to do and do it the and I want to balance it out, but I have to live like a monk. I really do because if I want to do what I want to do and do it the way I want to do it, roughly, I got to take care of myself. I can't drink, you know what I mean? I can't, there's a lot of cans on the tour to be able to can. And it's interesting.

I'm going to try to, when you have your first drink. I'm going to say right around Charlotte, North Carolina. I got three dates left. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. No, the 31st. No, because in August 1st. Yeah. Philly. Philly is a great place to go. It's a wagon. I know. And you're playing a white city winery. City winery. I know. I know the key is to not drink after the show, because I think it used to be like, oh, I just did the show, I can have a drink. But it's not just a drink, it's that,

I can get the drink, can I get the, instead of just going? We're going. We're just going, okay, you did the show, you did the show, that's the thing. I mean, and what we do, we want, I just said it to my buddy, it's like, I want to put whipped cream

on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Like, it doesn't need it. There's nothing, I want more mayo on the sandwich. It doesn't need any more mayo. It's like, no, Joe, the sandwich is fine. It's like, you just played, you know, Madison Square Garden. There's a bunch of young people watching this right now going, got it. Sucks get sent. I know. I'm sorry. I don't want to be that way. It's

done. Even for our, even for my fans, my age, I don't want to be that guy. I want you to come to my show and have two martinis and have the time of your life. And I'm still going to have it. It's like you pouring the, the, the great glass of scarch for them. You know, you don't want to be a party. I'm not trying to be a party pooper. There's a bit of that though. They don't really want be a party. I'm not trying to be a party pooper. There's a bit of that though. They don't really want to hear this. I don't know. I would never say this.

I will say this. Something that a lot of people need to know about was you had a show. I called you when the show was on and I wanted to do an episode. Yes. But you didn't get the second season. No, we didn't get the second season. What network was it on? It was on pop TV.

Okay, it was as famous for shits Creek. I mean, they aired shits Creek. Okay. Well, you did a show called Return of the Map. Yes. Yes. And it was you playing yourself and what it was like to be like this, you would lose a kid, became famous.

But my favorite, and there was so many people. Adam Ray was layers. Yeah, yeah. Donnie Walberg was fucking hilarious. Yeah, really funny. Like, and Jamie Dembo played the, oh my god. Yeah was so many people. Adam Ray was layers. Yeah, yeah. Donnie Walberg was fucking hilarious. Really funny. Like, and, and, uh, Jamie Dembo played the, uh, yeah, she's phenomenal, which we met. Oh, we met her on the heat. She's genius. Yeah.

Yeah. There was, it was so good. I liked out. I liked, I got to produce an EP like eight episodes. But dude, you were hilarious. And I loved how, and this scene, I remember asking who's like, dude, is that like a thing? And what is basically this running sort of joke that you guys never really addressed, but you either figured it out or you didn't, was that women of a certain age that had a crush on you. And now in their 50s, come up to you

and sort of borderline assault you, like getting free feels and everything. And you would always play it up like, oh, thank you. Yeah, it's just that they're like touching it, just and everything and you would always play it up like oh, thank you Yeah, it's just like touching it chest and everything and I remember asking you like that's like sort of a thing There's there's a demo Depends on You said there because there's a like I have to walk the line here because he's a loyal fan's my tickets No, no, you sort of get groped

because he's a loyal fan of my tickets. No, no, no, there's a lot. You sort of get groped. It depends on how much, how many martinis they've had. Certainly. No, my fans are great, but yeah, that can happen. That can happen. It depends on where they are in the night. I don't think Bill Clinton could have answered that question better.

Thank you. You did. You went right through that minefield. Let me ask you, do you have nightmares about, you know, the color women's teeth turn when they've drank too many red wines. You know, that minefield. Let me ask you. Do you have a nightmare's about? You know the color women's teeth turn when they drank too many red wines. You know that Oh, yeah, Ray with the red Bits lips too when you see that yeah, I It's like a land shark. I'm gonna be lying for

The other side of the room, you know try to No, I got I got great fans. So the great, great, great majority of my fans do not grow up me and they're very respectful and we have a good time. But it happened enough that it was a running joke. Maybe you were exaggerating, but I thought that that was so fucking funny. I watched every episode of that show.

Thank you. And I've been working with Adam Ray. I still want to, like, I write stuff all the time, and I'm mostly, you take Donnie Walbert with you, because I thought he was so fucking funny in it. I know, he's, he was very, he and Jenny were, were the other producers on the show,

and they, they came up big, yeah, they came up big for me, and they did Vignette's every episode, and I called Donnie for advice, you know what I mean? He'd come up with these lame puns, you know what I mean? You know, just did that work in class mentality. Take the gig. Don't worry about it. And I'd be like, he want me to do this, Donnie. And he, you know, makes some joke. But yeah, he's, no, I love it. And the last thing that, you know, we've been talking about all this stuff and we haven't gotten to the real issue. That makes us avoid eye contact.

Did you watch the Celtics of Game 7 against the heat? Did you have any catch-ups? You know, was that an important game? I can't remember. Yeah. I haven't watched Swords since and I've turned everything off and I can't get to the internet. Oh, you can't go on that.

Yeah, why? Because that's just going to be like, at least I know I think Reggie, Reggie Miller, he was, he was commentating. I mean, he was the one guy who kept pointing out that that Tatum got injured the first minute of the game. Now, I think we didn't have a coach with the experience slash guts to sit his star player. I know. And Tatum wasn't going to take himself out. I mean, listen, it's, it's, it's, it's our team. They're amazing. It's hard to root for them because they really were so up and down and it was not cohesive and they do. This is, this is what happens on the

way to win in a championship. You got to lose some heartbreak in game seven. Cal, so well, what do you think Miami's fucking win? I mean, that guy, that goes, those guys have experienced everything. They're a fucking amazing franchise. And I'll tell you what's wrong with the fucking NBA. Is I've had like a half dozen of my friends going, oh my god, Denver versus Miami. Who the fuck's gonna watch that? It's like, why wouldn't you watch that?

You have an eighth seed that just took out a number one, a number two, and I don't know what the nicks were. And then you have Denver who beat everybody in the fucking West, swept the goddamn leakers. They deserve to be there. But the NBA is built their brand on these super teams and sort of like these super team cities where I wish, and I hope that they're going to get back to this

because I feel like the, you know, this is the, the highest level of talent that's ever been in the NBA because now it really is global now, as far as where they're getting them. But I wish it was more like the NFL, where it's like, I don't give a fuck who's playing in the Super Bowl. I'm excited to watch it,

because they built their brand on anybody, if the Buffalo Bills were in the NBA, they would have to leave Buffalo. Like, it just wouldn't, it's like we're never gonna win a championship, and they'd have to move to a Like, it just wouldn't, it's like, we're never gonna win a championship and they'd have to move to a city and be like the Clippers and be like, you know, the ugly step sister. I think it is a strange phenomenon

and I think, you know, the more we feed that, you know, story that no one's gonna watch is ridiculous. But I think, you know, Denver seems like a powerhouse, and I don't know about it, but I don't know. You talk about the Celtics on your way to, this is what you gotta do on your way, but I mean, is it gonna be the same team? I mean, are they gonna pay Jalen Brown $40 million next year?

I love the guy immensely, didn't have a great playoff series. So what? Yeah, you still paying 40 million because he's worth it. Okay. You don't have an off show? I do. I never tell a joke that bombs.

Well, the thing is now like, but yes, but I was thinking of that because I'm like, I think you're very good at like taking people out that need to be taken out, but you don't take certain people out who are showing up every day and doing their job. I mean, yes, if someone sat there on my show, they'd be whacking me left and right. You know what I mean, taking that, you did this, you did that, oh, you missed that shot, you missed that shot.

Yeah, if I don't, you break the two of them up. What's they need? Listen, I need like we can draft somebody. What I guess nowadays, you just go out and go fucking buy somebody, but like, you know, you forget how young they still are. No, they got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got,

they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they've got, they I mean, I just don't know. No, exactly. No, but that guy got thrown into a, right last guy was doing what the fuck he was doing.

Yeah, exactly. And now he's going to be coaching somewhere else. And we have just fascinates. He's like banging people's wives. Like, you want to take a shot at this? Yeah, yeah. You can't do that here, but you can go to another city and beat us, you know, with another team.

It's no, I'm just saying, you know, what you've taken on when you bring the guy in. I don't fucking know. All I know is, uh, the Bruins lost the game seven. And then I was like, all right, I guess I'll watch some basketball now. And then, uh, it hurts. It happened again. But, uh, but I, I don't, uh, you know, I don't hate Miami or anything like that. And I just stay up whenever this shit happens. It's just like, there's a lot of, you know, there's a lot of people in life I don't hate Miami or anything like that. And I just stay up, whenever this shit happens, it's just like, there's a lot of, you know what, there's a lot of people in life who don't have a purpose.

So in moments like this, when they wait for other people to fail, this is when they try to fill up their soul. So like, I'm just gonna stay away from that because I don't wanna, listen, I'm literally moving, I'm not even on the internet. And I'm just, I'm just pushing it away because I just don't wanna listen to the like, just like the lack of it.

You want your team to win so you can call the other team's fans, bitches. And I have to be honest, something that as a sports fan growing up, we didn't have to deal with because it wasn't the internet. Salesmen had to listen to it when they were making sales calls to the team. Like I remember I was working in this warehouse. And somebody, when we would play in the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl 20, somebody just on a piece of paper, because we sent some software to Chicago just run Boston. Just said, let's go Pats.

Okay. And then you all I remember what happened. The order was fucked up on purpose.ats. Okay, and then you, oh, I remember what happened. The order was fucked up. On purpose. No, not on purpose. Cause it was so busy writing the fucking sign of it. So maybe they thought it was on purpose.

They called up, lit somebody up, and then I just remember that we had a meeting out in the warehouse. No, I don't know who the fuck did this. I'll tell you right now, this shit in. I'm in, oh, the the owner came out And he didn't say anything he walked and you know you got the loading duck. He took the door went Slam to down

Domaz tie and loafers on Ah And then we did find the guy who said go bad so now I remembered is remember is there was no talk. I'd tell you that much. He kept you a monstros. I don't think it came from us. It wasn't you? I don't know who the fuck it was, but all I know is there was another guy in the warehouse

that when he slammed the door, I could not look at him. I was like, I'm gonna get start laughing. And I'm not gonna be able to stop. And I'm gonna get fired. And also our boss was like five foot nothing. Yeah. So the whole thing, it was just like,

it was like a will Ferrell sketch and he's fucking screaming in yelling. And all I was doing, I was just looking at the floor and I was playing that I was like ashamed or whatever, but I was really just trying not to fucking laugh. So that many ways, that was like the most you had to deal with now, but now it's like, no, it's a dangerous, it's a bad, bad neighborhood Twitter.

Yeah, it's not, you don't want to, you know, what do you think? I feel like you, it's like three, four days. And once the next playoff series starts, then they start in on the other teams fans. And then, sure, no, no, no, no, the next 48 hours is crucial to stay away. You know, you got to, That you gotta put the phone down. No question about it. And there's nothing we can do. There's nothing we can do about it.

It's done, you know what I mean? So it's good, fellas. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, nothing we can do. The phone booth. You can do that. Yeah, exactly. I'm glad I know.

That was us. That was us. I'm gonna put the mic on. Do you have a game seven love? Yeah, there's nothing we can do. So listen, it was a crazy game. Well, fuck it. I got to do a game seven love. Yeah, there's nothing we can do. So listen, it was a crazy game. We got game six. I was happy about Butler.

I'm not that kind of. I'm glad that he made the three shots at the end of the game. You know what I mean? So at least he did his job. But then we won and then game seven. Oh, man. I kind of knew in the first quarter when we got down by like six or seven. I was like, oh, I never feel like when we get down six or seven in the first quarter of a game seven.

I just don't I'm trying to remember the amount of times people start coming back. Like the other team basically has to choke because I feel like you just start to get tight. Yeah, like, oh fuck. This isn't going the way we thought. oh, shit, oh, God, this guy's on this, you know, when you have, when you have your best player and maybe the best player on the court who's literally not taking it outside shot because his ankle hurt, he was, I don't know, you're done. But also, back to Donnie, Donnie's gone to a lot of Celtic scams. He's a big fan. And one of the things is he went to the games when they were 20 and 60, you know what I mean? So he's very knowledgeable. He's, yeah, a real fan and very knowledgeable and always has a great take and he should do

more sport stuff. He's just busy acting and singing. Yeah, he's a killing it another. But I'm busy having a monster career. Yeah, exactly. Um, he's, uh, he said he was there, uh, court side. He said, well, I probably shouldn't quote him because he's that close to all those. Somebody who looked like they were gassed. They were, he said they were gassed in the first quarter. They were exhausted. They were exhausted. But Joe, the coach wasn't, wasn't playing anybody. Pritchard never came in came in you know the other guys in coming bring those guys in have them mix it up

I don't know for whatever reason. I mean Well, I think he played the same amount of game. That's what I said to Donnie. That's what I said to Donnie I said Donnie you're always right, but I can't give you this one because they he played the same amount of games However, I mean that's what's we lost because we were tired. No, but that's why the rotation didn't come in. I think of who they didn't play. They played seven guys instead of nine, ten. Look at Miami.

You know, that coach had a lot more experience, but yeah, I mean, it's not the week. That was good. That was definitely going to catch up with us. So it did. And it's painful. And you know, so all and all we have left is our course is all but no, I'm going to take to another level. All Boston has left is Joey McIntyre at the melody 10th in August. That's all we have left because the socks come out for a healing. It does have that. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same.

The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same.

The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same.

The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks in Joe and Spy, but the same. The socks get a decent seat, you know what I mean? Is that it? No, no, no, we still selling out the games. You had seats for a little while, didn't ya? Yeah. Yeah.

I had them with Nate. You and Nate, how was that? Another guy on the heat. Yeah, me and Nate Cordray, we split season tickets. And we had to handle, right? That's a lot of games. It was beautiful, because we both live in an LA. We're like, yeah, but you know, they just won the World Series.

We'll be able to flip these things about London. We lost a bunch of people to free agency and they absolutely fucking sucked. Oh my God, I took a bath. Yeah, I took a bath and he asked me next year, you wanna get red sucks seasons again? I was like, no, I'm good. I mean, it's really, it's a full-time job.

Which killed me to say that because my dream, as a kid, was not to get into show business was not my dream was to somehow make enough money that I would have seasoned tickets to the Bruins Celtics Red Sox and Patriots and I would somehow I would not only would I have the money to do that I would have the time to go to all the games. You know what I did you're going to? I think that's an amazing dream, but I think a lot of kids dreams growing up in Boston was just to be the ballboy of the Boston Celtics.

Wasn't that the ultimate ballboy? To be a bad boy, was another one, but there was something about the guy under the basket. You know what I mean? The ballboy for the 80s Celtics. Plus they were winning championships. That was it. Yeah, so to get the, to throw the tower to McCale every,

every time he went to the line, that, that was, that was the dream. Didn't get any better than that. Yeah. I think, I think that guy was like 53 at the time. Yeah, because he was really a boy. Well, he wasn't gonna give that job away. He wasn't gonna give that job up.

He kind of hit it. You know, I had, I had Don Gavin, one of the Boston stand-up legends on here one time, and he went to like every fucking Celtic game from the beginning, and he was literally there before they won their first championship. Like I was literally, and I was fucked up, was I didn't realize that until the end of the podcast.

Like I have to have him back on to talk about that, and he was there not only at the inception of the Celtics, but really the end of the podcast. Like I have to have him back on to talk about that. And he was there not only at the inception of the Celtics, but really the inception of the NBA. Like I think like the first year, you know, he started going to games like the Rochester Royals, which became the Cincinnati Royals. And he's still around.

Which became the Kansas City Kings, which became the Sacramento Kings. Wow. So I think the Rochester Royals, I want to say either they won the championship or Aaron the St. Louis Hawks, possibly. I think that was in the middle, which became the Lennon Hawks and all that, not to show my whole nerd side here that I'm into this type of shit. So, you know, he was there when Kuzi retired and all of that.

You know, the whole, like history of the NBA was the Celtics beating the Lakers in game seven. At one point, if you can, if you can believe it. Like Bob Kuzi's last game was out at the LA Sports Arena. Oh, with the balloons and everything, right? Beating the Lakers. Yeah. How the check was in it, right? Yeah. All of the games. But the story is they had all the balloons in a net. And they never came down because they didn't win. They had thousands of balloons netted up in the ceiling of the forum. See, my whole life watching the Celtics and Lakers as the Lakers have gotten the better of us.

Like, you know, up until 87, I mean, it was like back for 85. They got us 86. They didn't make it. I know. It was horrible. And then 87, 84 was like back for 85. They got us 86. They didn't make it. I know. I'm horrible. And then 87, they got us again.

Yeah. And then after that, then it became like the free agency game. So hopefully, at some point, we will, did you hit a lot of games with the garden growing up? League catch where they always sold out. So I only one time, only one time. I scalped tickets. Really?

And I went in town and they were playing the pistons I remember Isaiah didn't play but it was the bad boys versus the Celtics But bird was there Macayle parents are original big three yeah, and Dennis Johnson all that and it was hot Was like this you know crazy end of the year whatever and I mean my buddies Oh, we'll just come down there with start scalp and tickets, but like you know I live the way out in the suburbs. Yeah. You know, how'd you get in there?

Exactly. You didn't, you didn't know that. You fucking drank a 12 pack and drove in like everybody did. Yeah. You know what I mean? Everyone was like fucking wasted, just driving in there. But I went to Waymore, I was more of a Bruins guy. Okay.

So I went in and, like I think the first seven games I saw at the garden was Bruins first the Montreal canadians because I love the rivalry and I love the fight. Oh three, four fights easy. Yeah. Good for. Yeah. Yeah. It was like the first one I went to was a playoff game in 83 when we were the number one seed one, one, the, the president's trophy. Fucking choke that year. And then we played the Canadians and they just came in. And that was that was that was the best. Aspa.

Best. Aspa was that was yes. Stevie Casper number 11 was still there, but it was Pete Peters. It was Rick Milton. Um, um, um, middleton. Barry Peterson was on that team. Peter McNabb, rest his soul.

He just just passed away. Really? Um, yeah. And when we got rid of when we traded. Terry O'Reilly. Rick Middleton, Terry O'Reilly, Wayne Cashman towards the end of his career, Stan Jonathan, those were the sort of big bad Bruins guys after Espoe and all of them were starting to get old because Terry came in after them, Stan came after them, when Sink was already retired.

So a tough guy, who the hell was it? Who's that tough guy? I Think that was before J Miller and Lyndon buyers. It was Terry O'Reilly. The Linden Terry O'Reilly ladies are guys. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know who was between buyers and and Terry O'Reilly But Tom Fergus with that wrist shot. He could just develop that wrist shot. He said that Mike Krushal Niskey Right. Oh, That's a good one. Craig McTavish. I had it. It's so fucked up at all. Michael Connell and then Ray Bork wearing number seven. It's so fucked up. I can remember all of that. But I don't care. I remember I remember how excited my brother, my brother's four years older than me and like that moment of when they they've retired number seven and he takes number seven off and Ray Borks,

we're in 77. That was the greatest. The whole night was a surprise. Usually retiring the number is like, you know, you know, months in advance. That was a surprise. He takes off the jersey. And that was a vindictive move.

I feel by Harry Sinnen that he gave out number seven, espos number that quickly. Do you ever hear how he made up on the rangers? No. They were fucking drinking one night and somebody said to him, I forget who the fuck it was going like, hey man, I think it was cash man, somebody.

I don't want to throw anybody on the bus. And then there's Harry over there. He's got all this fucking money. You're the best player in the league. You should go over there and you should ask him for a raise and blah, blah, blah. He went over and he asked him for a raise. And then like, yeah, like three games later,

he was traded. Oh my God. I mean, just think how many we could have won and all that stuff. And his brother was the goalie, right? Yeah, Tony. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tony played with the, uh, but more important.

More importantly, just just, just what we're talking about the guarding. And I thought about it recently though, because the new kids first time around, it was when the nearly years and the board years and that when we lost to the Oilers. But, what new kids, one of the men's? Our Messier without Wayne Gretzka.

Yes, one of the many. Glenn Wesley had that open net and the fucking overtime. I was there in the triple overtime, dude. I was, I was, you know what's funny is people go, if Glenn Wesley hit that one, it totally changes his tears. It would not. They were just too good. No, no, no, no, it's unbelievable.

But the, as I say, if the, the red line kept going up the stands, my face would have been red. I was, I was in a box. I was centurized. Yes, I did, bro. Wow. And that's one of the many things that the new kids got, got me. my face would have been red. I was in a box. I was. Santa Ryan. Yeah, and that's what one of the many things that the new kids got got me. You know what I mean?

We're Boston kids and here we are. Like the Stanley Cup for that game and all around. There was nothing better than that. That's what the greatest thing to cool though is that if you're like a musician, I feel like you can stay in like your hometown. You know what I mean? And like where like now I feel as a comedian

and comedians are showing this where, you know, once you kind of a dragon kind of make it from anywhere and live anywhere which is cool because I can tell you, like if I still, you know, I mean, I'm rooted here now, my kids are in school out here, so I'm not leaving, but like, you know, once a year, we go back for a couple weeks over the summer and it's just like,

it's the best. Well, just as far as being a sports fan, I've been living behind enemy lines. Yeah. Like I was in New York City during the whole curse of the height of that curse of the babe fucking bullshit. Me too. And then right as I move out to LA, the Celtics Lakers, out of nowhere, he did back up again and it's just like, fuck, it was the same. Yeah dude, it's just like Jesus Christ. And then to sit there like, when I go back over the summer and I see people wearing the hometown jerseys, like I have to remind my mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah, yeah, that's how it is. Like, like everybody agrees with me. It's okay. Oh yeah, the good hunting is not your fault. It's not your fault. Yeah, you think you're ruined for these teams. So, um, so talk to me a little bit more like, um, as far as, uh, like the show, like putting together a band and all of that,

like, do you do? I'm keeping it simple. So these are intimate. So I, I, I'm traveling like it's, it's more acoustic. I got one guy. I, so I'm traveling light. It's more acoustic. I got one guy, so there's different colors. And part of the doing those shows in LA was trying to figure out, am I gonna, you know, like the Carnegie show

was, you know, a nine-piece band, it was a big deal. But these are, I wanna travel a little lighter. So it's me, this amazing guy who does plays guitar, piano, I'm on the piano, we do acoustic, we do some tracks, it's a little bit everything, but the idea is I get up there and I connect with the audience and a very intimate setting and hopefully sing my ass off and so you're not dude, you're gonna crush it. Yeah, yeah, so it's hopefully I'll live like a monk and drink liquid death and not you got

a we'll shake and we'll shake off this game seven loss exactly slowly but surely. Although this year we have this year we have to say which one? The Bruins. Yeah, at least the I think what you'd be funny if we actually we two game seven losses to the eventual champions because the Panthers one way to go. Panthers. I don't think my Emmy has a chance against Denver. I don't know enough about who I all I do is fucking bitch moment complain about that center MVP joke a bitch guys. Yeah I know right stopable. I know I saw some of the other day was saying like you know Steph Curry is a better shooter than Larry Bird which he is. He's a great shooter

I've ever seen but they go in like, I mean, Jesus Christ, he's got like 9,000 more three pointers. I want to be like, well, first of all, the first couple of years of Larry's career, there wasn't no three point line. And then it was all about feeding the big guy. It's a different fucking game. Jesus Christ.

It is what it is. It is what it is. So, dude, this looks like an amazing tour. Yes. I am going to, I'm going to, you know, yeah, my wife's the biggest Yes. I am gonna, I'm gonna, you know, yeah. My wife's the biggest fan. Like she's literally said to me like, I can't believe it's been too long.

She acts like she doesn't know you. Listen, the new kids got some dates too. I mean, I'm lucky enough to be in a very successful group and that's the balance of this thing is trying to weave my solo stuff in between, but we do have a show at the, you know, the Yamavada, they're like doing the ads. Have you seen them? No. You know this Yamavada casino? I'm surprised they have a show at the you know the Yamavada they're like doing the ads have you seen?

You know this Yamavakasino. I'm surprised they they have a cob. I'm sure they will They it's a new casino. They have a lot of big acts this billboards everywhere So it's the end of June so you guys you guys get to come out once and for once I'm gonna wait a second. Wait a second. Where how how far? June 29th and 30th. And it's like an hour away. It's our outside of LA. All right. Yeah. Okay. We'll make it happen.

Whether you're there or not, he's gonna be there. How's that? Yeah, nobody gives a shit about me. Although on high end, I'm gonna do everything I can to come down. I love that, you know why I love that place? That's what one in only place I ever saw George Carlin.

Wow. I saw him in the round. He fucking murdered. It's, it's a classic event. You, you still have like cover bands playing there and God bless them. I'm sure they're amazing, but you have a great history there at that place.

So I was like, and they packed it. I'm in. Oh, it, it, when you're on stage here, it doesn't feel nearly as big. I remember when I sat in the crowd, I remember when I was watching cars, oh my God, this place is fucking gigantic. And then when I was opening for the late great Charlie Murphy,

and I was working with Donnell Rollins on this Chappelle Show Rich Bitch tour, we went and played that place. And I remember thinking like, for some reason when I saw George, first of all, I couldn't believe I was in the same place as George Carmel. It wasn't like the way it is now,

or it was just like famous people were like a million miles away. And if you could just, you know, be in the upper deck. And I just remember it, it just seemed so much, so much, so much bigger as an audience member. Yeah, and then there's something when you get up there, it's like oddly, it's still huge. Intimate, very intimate. Yeah, and then there's something when you get up there, it's like oddly, it's still huge. Intimate, very intimate.

Yeah, it is. It's a unique spot. So, well, I'm looking forward to seeing you there, and I'm definitely gonna catch you guys if I'm in town when you're out there. So, it's the, what's it's just the Joe Joe Joe Joe? Joe, we call it. So, Joe, I like that.

Yeah. So, Joe. It's a fan, that's a fan thing. Like our fans, you know what I mean? Have you seen So, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. So low Joe. I like that. Yeah. So low Joe. It's a fan. That's a fan thing like our fans, you know what I mean? Have you seen So low Joe? So I said, yeah, it makes sense. I don't do it. I'm getting kind of like, you know, when Rod Stewart started feeling like, no, when he's

doing like the classics and that turn into this whole, all right, this whole fucking thing. Let's go. Let's go. You remember that when you're selling out the fucking Marage. Don't forget me, all right? All right. Joe McIntyre tour dates. We will have it up on the website. You got to go check them out. I mean, he usually plays arenas with new kids. You can actually coming in seem in this whole stripped down thing like like all these guys end up doing it. Rod Stewart Bruce. You guys all end up doing this shit and it's fucking cool. It's a great thing for fans to yes

No, it's a you know what I like about this. I don't know why I'm pointing at you like I'm be fucking rude What I like about is is if you really couldn't sing and really couldn't play right you would be a The last place you'd want to be exposed. Yeah Mike up here. It's no one sees that you're lipstick. It's totally. Yeah, this guy is the fucking real deal. It's such a pleasure to have you on here. I know this tour is gonna kill it. This is a great gift to get you laid in.

That's right. If the birthdays coming up, oh, fuck you know what? Like my birthday's in a few days. Maybe I'll surprise it with some new kids. I love it. Huh? Alright, Joe McIntyre, everybody. Thank you guys for watching.

Please enjoy the music picked out by the newly married, the newly wet Andrew Thamelits. Then we have a bonus episode of Thursday afternoon just before Friday. Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend. You're nuts. Hahaha. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast from Monday, June 1st, 2015. How's it going? Everybody? How are you? How are things that is good? I apologize

for last Thursday's podcast. I guess I recorded it in mono, which was just on, I guess not stereo, is what I learned. I don't know if I'm doing it again, because I don't know how to use my recorder, and I am currently not in the United States, so I don't know any nerds where I'm at. Where am I at right now?

You asked? Uegiom, I am in Paris, France All fancy fracals over here to get a couple of macarons here Staking pump freets. Bonjour tout le monde. J'y en me pète guillom frein moi. Main no Yeah, I'm over here I don't know what the fuck what else am I going to do? I tell shit jokes in a mall. Government takes all my fucking money. I might as well blow a little on myself. Over here with the lovely Nia and we actually just got here and we're going to be here for whatever. Seven, ten days. You know what's cool, man? I'm actually gonna go to the Roland Garros,

the fucking French open on the clay. Gonna go to the, gonna go to a game at some point. Gonna go over there, scalp some tickets. That's gonna be fun, right? Talking to some fucking French scalper. This goddamn beret and a striped shirt. You really wish they'd look like that, but they don't. So we just got here to the city

About maybe 40 minutes ago Had a decent flight coming over here was a little delayed But this guy in front of us. Oh my god. You guys think I'm an asshole. I know you do. I know you do I know you think I give me a ton of shit. This fucking guy was just one of the most horrible human beings. He was the weirdest thing, like he was walking around, like talking to everybody. Just one of those older guys that just talks all the time. First of all, when he sat down, he's got one of those,

I lived the good life guts. One of those bodies, you know, were your legs and arms of the exact same size, like super skinny, and then he's just got this belly and he, one of those people that starts to sit down and then the weight of the decisions that they've put down their mouth just takes over and then they just give up. They don't use any leg muscles, they just collapse into the seat and that's what he would do every time. He would, he'd go down about a third of the way and then just free fall into his chair and then at the top of

his lungs would go ah what he sat down which to me was funny that was just like this is an old guy doesn't give a fuck he's probably gonna have a couple of something you know couple sasper illas on the flight. But dude, he was so fucking rude and mean to his wife. He was nasty. He kept telling her to shut up. Like I tell him to get a shot up and I'm joking around. This guy was serious. But one part, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, where are my books? And I heard her mumbles something. I guess she said what? And he just goes, my books! Like yelled at her.

And then everybody else, he'd walk up to me, like, ah, I used to work for this place. And we had a great time there. Gee, your cuties are buttoned. Fucking weird as shit. So we're sitting there and we're reading, right? Fromage, whatever the fuck they're giving us. I love it.

That's their idea of a dessert. Cheese. The fuck is wrong with you. Put it on a burger. Take this back and go put it on a burger, right? And then they have like a date and that's supposed to be like your sugar. God knows, you know, that's probably the right way to eat. Who knows? They're all fucking skinny over here, but they smoke like a goddamn chimney. So I mean, I always think that that's why they're so skinny. So anyways, I'm Trying to watch a couple of movies, but my movie thing every time I go to watch it I'll get a half hour in and then the dialogue gets like the audio gets like five minutes behind The movie which I guess I deserve that was my punishment for doing my last fucking podcast in mono, right? Let me make sure this

Thing is even recording here. Okay, so I started watching a Capote with the Lake great Philips Seymour Hoffman that guy was fucking unbelievable I was enjoying the hell out of the movie first of all because I saw in cold blood a long time ago with Robert Blake and somebody else We're almost amazingly shot movies. Well, I guess Truman Capote wrote the book. God knows I don't read. So, by a new a little bit of the backstory, I was really into it and all of a sudden the audio was like five minutes behind.

So then I put on Americans. Sniper! And I was really enjoying that. Bradley Cooper was great. He was picking everybody off. I liked how they they had the soldiers seem to be talking the way they were talking. They were talking, you know, a bunch of savages over here in animals. Just the way you dehumanize the enemy and all that type of shit. I was enjoying the hell out of it, you know, and I also, I really respect I was almost going to say archery. What do you call it? That's with the bow and arrow. What's when you're good with the pistol and the rifle? What do you want? Sharp shooter.

I just really respect. I really respect anybody that is a master of anything and and weaponry. I think it's just a really cool thing. You know what I mean? Being a fucking sniper is badass. It's fucking nice throat shot. It's taking people out controlling your breathing and all of that. I was really getting into it, really enjoying it and then all of a sudden like the most, know they're going after this butcher guy and when it was getting really fucking good the audio kicked out again and I was like alright fuck this whatever I'm gonna go to sleep so I start I'm in the middle of sleeping and I hear this glass hit the floor or something and the guy it spilled his water the nasty guy up front in the row in front of us or he had spilled his wife had

spilled the water and he was he just started screaming at the top of his fucking lungs. It wasn't like every word he would just like you know like the way he went my box he would go like that he would just be like oh now it's all what he just will yeah I wanted to fucking kill this guy. He was yelling like he was walking around in his underwear in his own fucking house, and nobody would say anything to the guy. Including me.

I wanted to stay in up and be like, dude, will you stop fucking yelling at your wife, your old cunt? There's other people on the plane. Your nasty God, he was fucking nasty. Meant son of a bitch. Then he goes to get off the plane. He's walking way out in front of his wife and that type of shit. Just like just a fucking asshole. Complete asshole. Other than that.

Other than that, it was a nice flight over here. So, you know, Nia picked out this little apartment. Little is the key fucking word. Jesus Christ. This fucking thing, Napoleon bang somebody in the say, I'm telling you, it's small, you know what I mean? No, seriously, it's fucking old as hell. And so everything in here is like, I guess whoever owns this, you know, they rent them out. So everything is antique. He goes, he's a real antique. So he's like, he's a very, very delicate. So you, you sit down like easy, easy, easy, the table you, you set the bull down, easy, everything's like, it's like, what the fuck, what the fuck, what kind of part of this is? I can't sit down. He said, you know, it's funny too, because his English, you know, he said the last person who stayed here was very strong

And they kind of weakened the chair and I wanted to be like you mean fat But he was a cool guy man. He explained and everything is that you use the This door but he has the day of the petating and he would go da da. Let's say yada yada yada yada over here. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da me you need to do shit like that. That'll shut them up for a good two to three days, you know, when you get back. He got a good two to three days where they're like, you know, he took me to Paris. I'm gonna, I'll back off, you know, trying to change him a bitch and about shit. And, you know, and then it's all back to normal. And it doesn't mean shit to, other than unless you bring it up, what you have to do. You got to be like, I just took you to Paris, really? Three days later, you're still bitching about it. You know, you got,

I'm telling you. Like, you ever see a box of match with a bigger guy, he just sticks his mitt right in the other dudes face. That's what you got to do. You just got to keep that mitt right in their face. You know? why wouldn't do that such a nice city and I got to take it to that fucking level I'm literally laying in this this fucking bed this Ikea bed next to something that out of Louis the 14th probably fucking I don't know banks of horror on and they got a I'm looking out here the roof tops we got a five floor walkup Each floor the the fucking stairs get more like angled like you'd have to have like 20 bears in here for these stairs to look straight

Like like a lot of these buildings over here super super super fucking old and they don't do anything to update and they keep them all original So they've settled for like three centuries. That's really weird, but I'm up here on the fifth floor and I'm looking out the window here and all I see is like TV antennas. So you might have me that Flintstone episode when him and Barney were getting in trouble and they were driving down the street and he was last someone,

all the wooden TV antennas, by the way. Offer the rooftops. So anyways, whatever, I'm babbling here this week. I'm on vacation and I had an unbelievable month. I'm still riding high on the whole, all those shows I didn't Boston. So here's a deal. I'm going to spend like 10 days here in France and

Then right I'm gonna be home for like three four days, and then I start another tour of the West Coast and That ends up in Vegas and then Tucson. So I'm like well there goes my entire June So I've been doing the helicopter lessons and I was done. I basically been done with ground school since like February, but I worked a lot in March and April and I was studying for the written part of it. So when I did the southern tour, I really, you know, that whole month I was studying for the multiple choice part, I should say, test that you had to fucking take. And as I told you guys, I passed that,

and then I had, you know, I was looking at my schedule, I had that run in Boston, and then my June was fucked. And, you know, flying a helicopter is like anything else. It's like going to the gym, you don't go for fucking two months, you're gonna come back, suck and win. So it's like, dude, I gotta fucking put this thing to bed. So it's just talking to my instructor, I was like, dude, I got to take the fucking check ride this month. I got to do it. He was like, I like it. I like it. I like having a plan. Let's do it. So I just studied my

fucking balls off this whole month while doing shows. I would literally be in the green room, like reading on fucking air space and wind correction angles and all of that shit. So long story short, my check ride was on Saturday and your check ride is where you sit down with the FAA guy for like an hour, an hour and a half and depending on how you're answering the questions depends on how long it is. If you fucking crush in it, it's, you know, can be short as a half hour if it's a little bit longer. You know, if you're not a half hour if it's a little bit longer. You know, if you're not quite getting them, they'll talk to you more. And then if you pass that, then you go out and fly.

And it's all these different maneuvers. And then if you, there's this weird thing when you're either a fail or you pass a bunch of things and you just failed like one thing. Like if you failed your steep approach or your Hoverado or something like that, you could pass everything else and then when you retook it you just have to do that one maneuver and show that you could do it. So we're coming right up on it and they end up looking at my log book and they realized that I was short on my solo time and I was short on my My fucking

Night flight So I had to go down there Friday. I was taking a Saturday morning at 9 a.m. So Friday night I go down there All right around four and I just flew around the traffic pattern. I needed a one point, I needed a one point four. It was flying around flying around. I'll tell you what time I scared the shit out of myself. I was gripping the throttle too much and I started my descent and the low RPM horn came on. And basically if that drops below 80%, you just fall out of the sky. So when that fucking thing comes on, like you just slammed the collective down and I couldn't figure out why it was doing that For like this split second. I realized I had a death grip

Not really death grip. I just had a two fucking tight I just let go and the RPMs came back up, but you know, I could just roll the RPM zone because put it down But you know the first the first time I've been alone in the helicopter and the low RPM horn came on and You know alone in the helicopter and the low RPM horn came on. And, you know, that was kind of like, you know, brought in for a landing and just kind of sat there in the pad for a second, going like, all right, fuck head, don't grab my, it's unbelievable. It's an unbelievable experience. I can't explain it when something like that happens.

It's like the adrenaline rush and you're slightly nauseous. And then you plow through it and you feel fucking awesome about yourself so anyways So I did all of that and then we did I Got my points. I needed point seven So I had a total of 10 hours. I had my 10 hours of Solo time and then I forget what how many hours I needed a night flight, but I was like point seven short

which is, I don't know, was at seven times, like about 40 minutes. It means basically an hour, I believe, on the Hobbes meter. Every one is six minutes, there's 10 times six is 60 minutes. I think that's, I believe that's how it goes. So anyways, I'm, you know, flying around with my instructor and he's taking me through the paces and he's really, really a stickler and just gets on you about everything. And I'm old enough to not be frustrated by it because I'm like, I know this guy is being as hard as the, probably being harder than the FAA guy is going to be on me, which is going

to help come game time. And so anyways, we did like, you know, auto rotations at night, you know, which is fucked because you can't see where you're going to land until you get down there. And the auto rotation is basically if you had a drive system or an engine failure, you use the weight of the ship to basically, and the glide, Jesus Christ can't explain it here, you want to basically establish a 65 knot attitude and the weight of the ship, the air rather than being pulled down into the main rotor is

now rushing up through it and that's what's turning it. And you just keep it, you know, you want to keep it in the green and you can just bring the thing down, just like set it down on a fucking picnic table when you get good at the shit. I can't do that yet. So we're doing it at night. I'm fucking them up and everything. I'm going to fuck I'm going to flunk this thing and my instructor's going, don't psych yourself up, blah, blah, blah, blah. So anyways, I know I'm out, blah blah blah blah. So anyways, I know I'm taking drag and this out. So anyways, long story short, Saturday morning, I'm going to take it. I wake up at like fucking 330 in the morning. I went back to sleep, woke up at 5 and then I just, you know, I went over everything one more time and then I went

in there and I sat down with the guy and I was just like, uh, fuck here we go. I don't want to flunk this fucking thing and then go to Paris and ruin the first fucking day of the vacation moping around, ruining it for my wife, you know. So I sat down and I had a really, really cool FAA, dude. And we went through the whole thing, and I was getting a lot of questions, but I felt like I got a lot wrong, too, but I got a lot right. And then he finally, and I saw who's getting

towards the end of it, and I was just going, I was going, oh my God, he's going to tell me, I got to fucking take this over. And which is embarrassing, because your instructors are there at the school, you're gonna come walking out like I failed. And we finished, he goes, all right, he goes, that was adequate.

Let's go fly. And I was thinking, I thought that was horrific. All right, so we go out there and I'm thinking like, all right, now I'm two thirds of the fucking way there. So now we're walking out there, we're doing the pre-flight. And I was just thinking of something my instructor said, was just like, just, you know, slow controlled movements. And I just made that like my mission statement

that I was gonna fly controlled smoothly, as much as I can, just to demonstrate that I had control of the aircraft. And so we go up, right? And we start, of course, it's fucking hazy as shit. It's the most hazy goddamn fucking day I've ever flown in. I mean, I couldn't believe it was still like visual flight rules. Like, that's how fucking hazy it was still like visual flight rules. That's how fucking hazy it was. So the first thing we're doing is we're flying up to this place, Rose Hills, to do these pinnacle landings, which is basically,

if you're... It's like you remember in MASH when they were flying around the Hollywood hills and they'd find a patch of dirt to land on. That's what you got to do So you got to do your high reconnaissance first and you got to be talking out loud going all right It looks like it's hard packed dirt It's sloping down like four degrees. I got trees on this side the wind's coming from here Sun is not going to be a factor. You got to be saying all of that shit

While you're maintaining your fucking altitude, which is you know not going up and down and that type of shit which is you know it's not easy when you start out. So we started heading up there and I lucked out it was so fucking hazy we ended up you know he goes turn around take me to Compton. Compton has an uncontrolled airport so I turn back around and making my calls and On the radio and I think I'm doing alright and I'm thinking like I've never gone to Compton this way and I know basically where it is I Fly out of Long Beach so I know how to get it where I fly, you know Westward load departure and you follow this road and you get to these oil tanks and you're bang a right load departure and you follow this road and you get to these oil tanks and you're bang a right. Except we're north of that shit. So all I'm doing is I'm looking for the fucking

courthouse. So I'm trying to stay cool and I'm like if I can't find this thing I'm gonna flunk this fucking thing. And we're coming through the haze and all of a sudden I just see it sitting right over there. And we did a couple of maneuvers there. One point I was so nervous I forgot to do a clearing turn and he was all right with that. I did a running landing. That one went great. Running landing was basically if you were coming in, if you were at high density altitude, which means the air is really thin, you wouldn't be able to, you wouldn't be able to hold the hopper.

So if you actually came in, how you know, your normal approach, if you want to try to hold the hopper, you just basically you crash. So what you do is a running landing, which is you basically come in like an airplane does. It's actually one of my favorite things to do maneuvers. And you put it down on the skids and you fucking slide and you're Brad gradually bringing the collective down, which is the thing that looks like the emergency break that your power you know you just Brad gradually bringing it down creating more and more friction as you stop and then you're steering you know the nose with your feet and I did well on that and I thought I did anyways he's not saying

shit so he told me because if I'm not saying anything, that doesn't mean you're not doing well, you're doing fine. If you see me riding down, that doesn't, I could be taking a lunch order. He was real cool, really put me at ease. So then I did a normal approach, and then I did a steep approach.

Then we did the landing off airport shit, and then I did a steep approach. Then we did the landing off airport shit. And then we did a hoverado. And the hoverado is basically if you were in a hover, like eight feet off the ground or so. And all of a sudden, you're engine, you drive, the train system quit. If you engine quicks, it's going to kick it, the nose is going to kick to the left and then you go right pedal. It's pedal, settle, push. It's what you're supposed to

think, right? And we've just done the, the, the, which is basically you go right pedal to get your nose straight and then you settle, you're dropping and right before you hit the ground, you pull the, the collective up and that cushions your landing. So the fucking, he does it and I'm thinking pedals to settle cushion and he does it and the low RPM horn comes on and I'm trained like a lab rap to slam the collective down so I put the collective down and I was like no no no up up up up we landed hard and then he just goes now why would you do that? Why would you do I was like sorry man I got I go I was nervous man. Let me just You can ask him like let me let me try that again

He goes all right do it again, and then I nailed it the second time then I'm second like I just fucking flunked it I just flunked it. I I The way he said now, why would you do that? I felt like I was gonna pass you and now I can't so So then we got to do the last thing, the auto rotation. So we fly around, we come in and he comes it down 3, 2, 1, we do it. And for a lot of the time, the fucking low RPM horn was on, but I kept it, but I wasn't losing, it was just underneath 97% or whatever, 101% and then I get it back up in and then I come back down or whatever. I, but I guess it was good enough for whatever. So he goes, all right, let's, but I was, I didn't know. So he goes, all right, let's go back to Long Beach. So I'm thinking like, fuck, I just flunked it.

Is it over? I don't know what's going on. So we're flying back and I'm talking to the guy and he's like a test pilot for these things He's telling me all these cool stories and shit and uh At that point we flew over to Torrance we'd already in Torrance where I did the other half of that shit So I was just thinking to myself on the way over there I was like, you know what even if I flunk this fucking thing how cool is it that I'm I'm I'm doing a check ride in a fucking helicopter right now? If you told me it's a year and a half ago, I wouldn't believe it, right? So fuck it. Just keep this off in that mindset. So we ended up, we go back to the Long Beach Land Over at Aeroplex, set it down, fuck it, set it down real nice,

and he's not saying anything. And I'm like, I'm not gonna ask him. And then I'm thinking, well, I ask him, it's not gonna change either way, blah, blah, blah. And then I'm taking everything out and I left the key in the ignition. And I was like, oh, fuck, because he pointed, because he left the key there.

I was like, oh, God. Is that the tipping point? What's going on? So, you know, put the wheels on it, we wheel the thing back. And then, right as we start walking back in, he said, all right, you passed and I couldn't fucking believe it. I couldn't believe it. So there you go. That was my, that was my Saturday morning. All freckles is officially a licensed pilot and I am licensed to fly helicopters up to 12,500 pounds.

How fucking cool is that? So anyways, I know what you think it's what you do, but you're gonna go fly around. It's like, no, I'm not. I'm gonna go take the advanced auto rotation class because I don't think my reaction time, I didn't like it with the low RPM horn. I didn't think it was quick enough,

and I wanna get, like you take that one, like the low RPM that I have to do now to pass my test I just had to take it down to the flare which is basically you know 40 feet off the ground gentle half cyclic and you basically killing your airspeed and you're just sent and you basically stop in the air and then that's when we roll back on the throttle we fly away the advanced you got to take it all over the ground so then then you actually come in lower, and then as you drop down, then you just like the hubbar auto, you pull the fucking collective to cushion it. And I've watched these guys do it. They're fucking amazing at it. And it's like, I want to be able to do that. If I can,

if I can fucking do that, then I'll start flying around the LA Basin. So, um, I have those you thinking like, Bill, you're right, you fucking mind. I'm taking it really seriously. And, uh, so I'm gonna pass that class and get 200 hours under my belt before I ever take anybody up by now. But, um, I still can't fucking believe it. I can't fucking believe it.

And that great thing now is that fucking goddamn weight is off of my chest. I passed it. I mean, it's stuck to Tommy goes, this is the biggest hill to climb as far as like just getting your license, getting through just starting from fucking zero and getting all the way up there. But I don't know, getting instrument rated sounds like it's a motherfucker too. It's like 40 fucking hours of that shit.

I don't know about that one. So anyways, I hope I didn't bore you with that. Let me, I gotta read some of the the advertiser here. Oh dude, I'm so fucking relieved that I passed. Thank fucking God. Thank God. If I didn't pass that thing, then I'd have all of June to be sitting there thinking about it trying to cram in lessons. Thank God All right, how many more of these fucking things are there? There's two more right. We'll do two and two. How about that? All right So anyways, I was reading another fucking thing, you know, I talked to other baby seals are washing up on the The shores of the West Coast because the oceans are fished out. Now on the east coast of the United States, you got fucking a bunch of turtles by just

dying off because there's something like this, too much, because the temperature went up. There's too much algae in the water which creates something and which just gets into the fucking turtle shells. It gets them infected and actually paralyzes them and they just gets into the fucking turtle shells, it gets them infected and actually paralyzes them and they just drown and they fucking die. And I'm telling you, I think I finally figured out why they never address the population problem. And it's basically because the upper 1% does not view it as a problem. They view it as an opportunity to make more money.

You know what I mean? To hoard water and do all of that shit. I was watching this thing on the plane about cities of the future that they're making. I mean, it's apt. Like the whole fucking thing is total big brother. They're saying everybody is going to start migrating towards the cities. And you have like fucking eight zillion people living in the city. Who's going to live out in the country?

You know, those fat cat rich people. And you know what, eventually it's going to come? It's going to happen that it's going to be illegal for a regular person to fucking go out to the country. He's going to be shot on site. It's insane. What they, if they really wanted to be responsible, what they would be doing, of being encouraging people to have less children, let's level off at 7 billion people and let's try to dial it

back. You know, dial it down. Everybody has one fucking kid. And then the people don't have kids, the people who die, or people who can't have kids, or gay people, right? You know, it'll actually cut off more than a half. The way I look at it, right? With one generation could cut itself in half.

And then the next generation cuts itself in half and the next one cuts itself in half, right? And then after, you know, the older generations that had three or four, they all die off. If you have like a string of four generations that all had one kid, you can go from seven billion all the way down to three and a half million. I think my math is correct on that. I don't fucking know but they don't bring it up. They don't. They just fucking figure out new ways to corral people and we're going to be eating powdered food. It's fucking, it's terrible, man. I don't know, I don't have any fucking funny to say about it.

Let's just go to something funny. Let's talk about soccer. Speaking of billions of goddamn people. All right, everybody in America doesn't give a fuck about soccer. You know what's funny? Because that FIFA, FIFA, whatever the fuck they're called, the FIFA, the ruling governing body of World Cup soccer. I don't even know what they are. I'm American. I don't give a shit.

I really don't. I've finally given up on that sport. I sat down. I tried to fucking watch it. It's so fucking boring and the crying and laying on it. I know. I've said it's a zillion times. If I'm in England or something like that. There's a premierly game and I go there I go to the game And I'm sucking down some beers and then I could get into it this singing songs and shit and I just I don't know whatever. It's like you're in a pub with no seats, right? That's basically what's happening Well, they are but you never sit down so anyways Well, they are, but you never sit down. So anyways, Darren, Darren Trouble.

First of all, this is how big soccer is, by the way, football. Let me have some respect here, call it by its real name, football. All right, for all the, you, all the fellow Americans that listen to this shift, this is how big World Cup soccer is. They had some big championship match recently that wasn't the World Cup or maybe it was the World Cup Let's just say it was the World Cup The worldwide viewing viewership was 3.5 billion It was like half the planet. They got a 50 share on the planet

All right, and they I was listening to the end something on NPR I like to put them into perspective the Super Bowl had a hundred and fifty million viewers So if you're looking at it like a TV show the Super Bowl would get canceled to be an absolute fucking flop. So that's how big This sport is and that's how big that fucking league is so surprise surprise There's a lot of people jogging To get the championship game in their country. There's a lot of people jogging and to get the fucking TV rights So there's a lot of payola. There's a lot of kickbacks. There's a lot of coke. There's a lot of horse Surprise surprise say here's the funniest fucking thing is there being

surprise. Say, here's the funniest fucking thing. Is there being prosecuted? Some of them, like nine of them got busted. And one network executive has taken up the fall for an entire fucking, a tire fucking network. Just hilarious to me. I'd love to see what his payoff is after he goes to that fucking, you know, white-colored jail. It's probably the same place where they play Wimbledon, right? And the United States Department of Justice is the one pressing charges. And I'm thinking, like, what? And the fuck? How are we involved in this shit? We don't even like the game.

This is just gonna be another reason for people to fucking hate us. But I guess they did all this shit with American banks. So it fell under our jurisdiction. So not only do we not give a fuck about the game, we're not going to sit there and break their fucking balls about corruption. You know what I mean? Because we don't tolerate corruption here in the United States. Everything's above board over here.

Hang on, I got to blow my nose. I apologize. Yeah, just stupid as shit ever. Like there's a fucking zillion dollars at stake. Obviously, there's going to be horrors. There's going to be drugs. There's going to be a lot of underhand and shit going on, but nobody got killed, right? You're even really I thought was fucked up was they've been accused of fixing a couple of games. I thought that that was fucked up. Although if it's down on a worldwide level, you know, you do it in some shit bomb country, you know, and I know you're not supposed to say that, but the fact that I haven't named a shit bomb country, can't we all agree that there are shit bomb countries, you know what I mean? Because for all you know, and I know you're not supposed to say that, but the fact that I haven't named a shit bump country Can't we all agree that there are shit bump countries?

You know what I mean because for all you know, I'm not talking about you. It's just this just like You know, I mean that's this nice cars and this cars It's just like this really isn't a car. This is a shit box. This was not done correctly. You know what I mean? But physics of it. It's still fucking work.. Look, I'm not saying the trees aren't beautiful. I'm not saying the people aren't beautiful. I'm just saying the way the whole fucking thing is set up. Or if it's being crushed by more powerful nations, I'll give you a pass, shit.

I fucked up a Havarado. That guy gave me a pass. I can't give you a country. You know what the fuck I'm saying? There's two shitty ass fucking teams playing each other you know to me to make an interest interesting let's let's fix the game I don't fucking know I'm just embarrassed that we're involved in it and I also think it's fucking hilarious huh the rest of the world you bunch of scumbags can't even run a fucking

legitimate league like we do here in the United States, the National Football League. There's an upstanding, that's an upstanding league. It's all fucking corrupt. It's all corrupt. We take money from fucking cancer to buy yachts and act like we're fucking helping out people who are sick. You know, those fucking guns over, well over here in France, what do they do, right? The whole fucking bike thing is filthy from top to bottom. Lance Armstrong figures it out, goes, all right, that's how the game's played, I'm going to play it better than anybody else. Those fucking assholes, they couldn't catch them, they had to wait to 10 years later where they froze his fucking urine of some shit, they finally had a test advanced enough to catch the guy.

I actually feel like the statute of limitations sort of run out on that. I don't mind corruption in sports, unless you're fixing the game. If you're actually fixing the outcome of the game, then that bugs me. But as far as performance enhancing drugs and cycling, I don't give a shit.

All right, these people are riding a bicycle 60 miles an hour up and down a fucking mountain. They're obviously on something and everybody's on something. All right, they're all on something. At that point it becomes fair. I think, and I say, let them do the drugs. Let them do the drugs. Let's see the side effects. Let's adjust them. And then once it's all safe, give it a

me. Give it to a guy like me. Right? I'm turning 47 in a few weeks. I love to get the spring in my step back. You know, which was a steroids for your hair. Would that be amazing? If you had like fucking Mark McGuire, like his four arms, you had that level hair. Every once in a while, so you guy like that, like my age with hair like that, it's just like, oh dude, you got no fucking idea. How fucking lucky you are, you motherfucker. All right, let me read some of the questions here

for this week. We have two 41 minutes here. All right, so not for comparison comparison. A Billy Big Leaks. Uh-uh. This week on Billy Checkride. Oh Billy Big Day. I recall a few monks back. You mentioned Frank Sinatra at the end of his career. Well, driving down Highway 80, I saw a billboard for the Silver Legacy Casino in Reno with you and Frank Sinatra Jr. sharing the same weekend as well as the same billboard oh man I'd love to meet the guy maybe this will drive you further to become that slum lord you've always dreamed about being

after you retire from come after you retire from comedy I'll try to take a picture of it the next time I pass it can't wait to see in Sacramento thanks and go fuck yourself out it's hilarious yeah I told you guys that story like the way Sonatua retired the right way the first time and whatever that line he had that ended that song you stand in the spotlight it was something like excuse me while I something step aside or something and just steps out of the light and that was it And he was gone and it's like that's the way you fucking do it But he kept coming back and it's just you know and that was Sinatra Sinatra had to make it come back so I

understand how this fucking Just business works like how quickly they they about you know all that type of shit so Haven't said all that I would love to meet Frank Sinatra, Jr What if I can do that when I'm out there? Well, I you know what actually in Reno has my one of my favorite stores in In in the country. It's bizarre guitar and gun shop. I told you about this same guy owns it It's a strip mall two Two stores. One side is a sick-ass place with all these guns. Every gun you've seen from every fucking Stallone movie back in the day.

Awesome guns. And then the other one is guitarist and you walk in the guitar place. It looks like a normal place, but downstairs is where he has his real collection. This giant fucking safety. has like the third Fender guitar ever made. Just like, there was like, I don't know, there was like millions and millions of dollars of vintage guitars downstairs. So I'm a big fanorino. I am a big fanorino. I actually like it better than Vegas.

I don't know why, I'm just one of those fucking people. I like the, I like those kinds of cities better You know the ones that are still trying Instead of the ones like yeah, with a shit everything's a fuck over go fuck yourself. You know what I mean? There is to say I like those kinds of things as I'm sitting here in Paris. All right, Paris go a dear Billy Gates I'm sure it's fucking annoying having people stick their phone in your face for the people watching on Periscope.

That being said, I think you would kill it on there. Just once or twice a week, you should go on and rev your truck engine while hollowing in your southern accent or pester the shit out of Mia. It's Mia with an N people, N, and the lovely Mia N like Axel Rose. Shana na na na na Nies. Nies. Pester the shit out of Mia while she's trying to read a book. Love the podcast. Now I've Haroscope. This is why I don't like pariscope hariscope is like so like people just walk in like comics are doing that now they just walk in with it on

like hey walking backstage at the comedy store it's like to shut that fucking thing off it's like if you want to turn your life into a tv show you know more power to you but like you know what everybody's chilling out here it's like i want to do this podcast i decide what the fuck this podcast. I decide what the fuck I'm going to tell you about and what I'm not going to tell you about. And what I'm going to leave in, what I'm going to take out.

In case you don't understand what I just said previously, I literally just said the same thing two times in a row. Whatever, I don't have my headphones on. My headphones are like my fucking lightsaber. So my security blanket, I don't have them on. I'm feeling naked, okay? I'm feeling very fragile. For someone else to just come walking in, it's fucking annoying as shit. And I advocate the, we got to come up with something

for people who don't like paroscopes. I don't know what to call it, but here's a working title, the Parosccope Slap, which is basically somebody comes in and with their phone and they're holding it up to their face, you just fucking slap it right down to the floor. Right? And then you do Bruce Lee's finishing move when he kills him, which is a stomp and then a twist. And you got to do the, when you do it, be perfect and then somebody else films that.

Right? No, don't film it because they don't have evidence. You should do. I've just, you know, I mean, you, or you walk around with a water bottle. And you don't like to do it for like a fucking cat that won't get off the couch. And when somebody comes in just doing power scope without asking you, you just fucking, you spray, you just spray the water and ruin their phone. Something like that. I advocate, I mean, last week I advocated killing your boss. I actually felt bad about that

because I just thought about like, what if somebody actually went out and did it? The world is so fucked up, I could actually get sued and be like, you know, it was irresponsible, but blah, blah, blah, it's like, yeah, you don't think that that person's a maniac, listen to a podcast, like, hey, go commit a murder and then they go, okay, okay, you don't think that that person's a maniac. Listen to a podcast like, hey, go commit a murder. And then they go, okay, okay, you told me to do it.

You won't me money. Yeah, don't kill your boss. But I advocate slapping the fucking phone out of somebody's hand. Slap it right down to the ground, stop on it, twist it. Knowing full well, you have to pay for it. But you're just preserving your privacy. It's gotta be a politically correct it, twist it. Knowing full well, you have to pay for it, but you're just preserving your privacy. It's got to be a politically correct way to say it.

Your privacy warrior. Sorry. Oh, fuck you. You come up with a goddamn name for it. All right. He was funny. It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Is her birthday? And is there a birthday?

And she's a fucking smarty pants and she always figures out what the fuck I get her. And this year I totally threw her off. Totally fucking threw her off. She's got no fucking clue. Where I'm gonna take her? What I'm gonna do? Well, she knows it's somewhere in Paris, but she has no idea. And right now this might be a lie.

This might be a lie, just in case one of you comes decides to tweet, ooh Bill's gonna do something blah blah blah blah blah do it. You don't even know what the fuck I'm doing. All right? I'll tell you right now. I only have 50% of an idea what the fuck I'm gonna do. All right so don't even try to figure it out. All right? It's fucking useless. So it's a waste of your time Favorite music video downtown Billy Brown nice fucking reference I absolutely fucking love downtown Julie Brown at the biggest fucking crush on her when I first moved to New York And like 95 96 I went to some benefit thing It's hoity toity thing.

When my manager at the time knew a bigger manager who was managing a big comic. And we got the tag along and I went there and she was standing just hanging out at the thing. She was fucking gorgeous. Fucking gorgeous. All right. Too early to get into comedy. No such thing, sir. Dear Bill, I'm 17 and just did my first open mic at a coffee shop.

I've got a few laps and a few awkward silences, silences, but overall I enjoyed it. I really want to go to a comedy club soon so I don't have to be so selective about my words. Any advice to someone this young looking to get into this? PS, I know bombing is part of the process. Problem is I have paper thin skin. Does your hide thicken up after a while of bombing? All right, two things. Any advice on somebody looking to get into this? Dude, you're already into it.

It's like you just shot heroin, and now you're asking me about heroin. Like you already did it. Now you hooked and you already want to go down to comedy club. You started at 17. That's not too early. That's fucking great. And don't listen to the fucking older people who are jealous of it.

Dude, you're 17. You got nothing to talk about. You got nothing to talk about. And then watch them go on stage and see what the fuck they're talking about. Huh? Don't shit jokes. Wait fuck they're talking about. Huh? Don't shit jokes. Wait, am I talking about myself?

Don't listen to them. All right. This is the deal. You're young and there's going to be a lot of people fucking jealous. Okay, and then if you're a guy, there's going to be a couple of old fucking lady comics that I'm going to try to bang you. Stay away from them. If you're a female, you know, just stay away from anybody who tells jokes because they're all going to try to bang you. So fucking, it's a job. Go down there and get better at it. Surround yourself with positive, motivated people that you feel are gonna make it.

And then I'm not doing this just fucking around. And you guys will all feed off of each other's drive. That's what happened to me in Boston when I started. I started with Dane and Patrice O'Neill, Resta-Sole. And we were down at Nick's comedy stop, down on Warrants in St. and Boston, we were down there every fucking night, unless we had a gig elsewhere.

And even then, a lot of times we would drive back in there, we were there every fucking night. And I remember when the great compliments I got when I first started out this guy came walking in and I was And I was already there, you know, right down my jokes and he looked at me and said dude you are everywhere and it's just like Yeah, yeah, I am So that's what you got to be dude and you can't just do like club comedy clubs You got to do stand up anyway. You can and as far as bombing Yes, it is part of the process.

You know, I had a paper thin skin. I was shy. I was introverted. I had all of that. And it just was fucking hot when you were bombing. It was just, uh, just sucks. It just sucks in the beginning. But, um, the same way you learn how to kill, you're going to learn how to bomb and you learn how to hold your ground. You'll have poise while bombing. Then when you get to a really high level of bombing, you'll begin to understand if you're bombing because if it's your fault, if it's the crowd's fault, if it's the setup, if it's half the crowd, half you,

if it's 60% you, and that to me is the best thing. When if you figure out it's you, then you just start making fun of yourself. If you figure out it's them, you start giving them shit, and they loosen up a little bit. If it's a little bit in the middle, you sort of make fun of yourself while you're ripping them. You figure out the whole recipe to the thing, but I think it's great you start.

It takes a lot of balls, 17 to start out, so my fucking hat is off to you. All right. Helicopter loser. High bill. And in quotes it said, oh my my god I'm a loser I'll never own a helicopter I'm a disgrace and they said that's from Bill Burr emotionally unavailable that's quoting one of my jokes said do you remember saying this during the MTV Crib's bit I feel like you made it now big shot

helicopter guy go fuck yourself but seriously well done on the helicopter Driving thank you. Oh, yeah, I remember that pit. I didn't know that I've said helicopter, but I remember Talking about how MTV crib how you would watch that show and you just end up feeling like a fucking loser because it was all like these You know, am I really gonna say Britney Spears to whites in this fucking podcast? Yes it is 2015. All those fucking people's houses back then. Sisko's house, one hit wonders too, they all had betlees on all of this shit and they made you feel like a loser.

Here's a fucking inside joke, inside story on that. All right. When I did that pit one night I did it at the Comedy Cellar in the Lake Great Geraldo rest of soul. He came up to me after I did the bit. He goes dude. He goes just to let you know I have a bit on MTV Cribs and it's almost word for word, the exact same bit, it's exact same angle. And both of us were just in a part of our career where we were writing our hours and we, I didn't have anything else. And I was just like, ah, man, he's like, neither one of us wanted to draw, you have to have the conversation. Usually someone's like, I'll drop it. No, you do it. No, no, you know, and I've usually been the one. Usually someone's like, I'll drop it. Now you do it.

No, no, no, you know. And I've usually been the one that I was always like, I'll drop it, I'll drop it, because I didn't want any of my shit. You know, somebody else seen somebody else doing it and then thinking I'm stealing. So we both just sat there going like, stare at the floor and then we both just started laughing and going like, all right, we'll only do that joke on the road. So me and Gerardo had this this

Gentleman's agreement that even though we didn't steal from each other, but we basically had the exact same bit That we would only do it on the road So that's what happened and we never really talked about it again and That's what happened and we never really talked about it again. And we both just kind of forgot that we kind of had the same joke. And then like the same season, we both got a half hour on Comedy Central. And we both did the bit. And I remember my special came out first and I remember getting an email and somebody going, hey bro, just to let you know Greg Gerardo stole your MTV Cribs bit and I remember getting an email and somebody going, hey bro, just to let you

know Greg Gerardo stole your MTV Crib's bit and I was like, oh fuck that's right, he's got the same thing. So I emailed the kid back, told him the story and then I called Gerardo and we both just started laughing and we were trying to guess which one of us was going to be called a joke thief more. Wow, that was way back, way way back. That was like 2002. Oh my God, I'm a loser.

I'll never want to helicopter over this grace. Jesus Christ, that's fucked. I remember saying that. Here I am, years later. Years later, years later years later years later years later All right, we read a couple more of these these these advertising things here And I can wrap this podcast up and hopefully I'll be able to upload this with the euro fucking internet here Please tell me that's not windshimes

Is that a fucking telephone? I'm not answering that shit. Hello? This is Louis. All right. There we go. So, before I check out here, and begin my fucking vacation here, what are you going to do, Bill?

You know what I'm going to do? I'm not doing shit. I'm gonna sit in the cafe and I don't know. Eat some fucking some of their food. I forget what that beer was that I liked the last time I was over here. I'm looking forward to doing that. But to be honest with you, I just want to chill out, not be an asshole. Make sure my wife has a good time. To be honest with you. That's gonna be my attempt. Because I don't I don't want to chill out, not be an asshole and make sure my wife has a good time to be honest with you. That's going to be my attempt because I don't want to end up like that guy. That guy was so I was fucking depressing. I felt bad like his wife was just sitting there taking it. One of those old school fucking women just someone needed

to take her aside and be like, you can't take this from this guy. You got to fucking slap him around or something. I don't know what. So anyways, let's talk about the NHL finals, which I'm going to fucking miss over here unless I can find an NHL bar. I know, I know, you can watch it online with the password and I'll probably fuck it up. But anyways, Blackhawks, first, the Tampa Bay Lightning.

I'm gonna tell you something right now, Jonathan Taves, that guy, he is in the process of being one of those guys who they're gonna be selling his jersey like 20 years from now. They're gonna be selling his jersey like 20 years from now and Little kids in 20 years are gonna know who he is that fucking guy like He's just a man that guy just fucking steps up that game seven against the ducks and congratulations to the ducks to it What is what a what a season they had just a great fucking team? And just game seven, they're on the road in Anaheim and just right in the first two minutes just shuts the crowd the fuck up with a goal. And then scores another one. And the first period, it's two to nothing and Dave scored both fucking goals. It's just the guy is he's just he's the shit. So I don't know.

Who is an a fan of greatness? So this usually I like the underdog and I like Tampa Bay and I really like you know, Steve Iseman, everything that he's done with that thing. So it Tampa Bay wins. I'll be all I'll also be happy but like I obviously just having a player like Taves get a third is it's great for the game and it's also great for Chicago because then now you know when they do their their whole like the great people of who are the greats of chicago sports right bobby hall michael jordan i'm sorry walter payton michael jordan

and then taves is going to be right in there right he gets his third uh... we got to have a great earning banks who's a great white sock i know that she was joe jackson from the fucking black socks. I hate that they call them the black socks.

It's like, no, they were the fucking white socks. And they fixed the world series. Now that, my friends, that was cheating. Fucking air pressure. I'll never get over it. I'll never get over it. Anyways, so obviously I think the black hawks are going to win just because they're so deep in the the experience they have, but I'm really bummed

out that I'm not going to fucking see it. I'll figure out a fucking way to do it. And then what's the other one we got here? Oh, let me sit in this fucking antique chair. I hope it doesn't break. Who else is it? Oh, LeBron? First, what's his face? Steph Curry. I don't know shit about basketball. All I know is Curry is one of the most amazing basketball players I've ever seen in my life, but I gotta be honest with you. I am so sick of a close-up on his face while he's chewing his mouthpiece. It's fucking gross. Okay, just keep it. You're fucking my heat. That shit. You know what it's gonna do? Because he's chewing his mouthpiece. It's fucking gross. Okay, just keep it, you fucking might hate that shit. You know what it's gonna do?

Cause he's so good, it's gonna inspire an entire generation of young kids to walk around with the chewing on their fucking mouthpiece after every fucking play cause they wanna be like him. You know, remember when you wanna be like Mike, you just duck your tongue out and try to dunk as you float it in sideways, then you just tripped and fell. Now they're gonna have the fucking that thing hanging out of their mouth. But I don't know who to roll through for there. I love the whole

thing that LeBron came back in one one for fucking Cleveland. They can finally put their fucking wine in all the time, but how awful their sports situation is. But then on the other side, I like Golden State, man. Golden State to me, like that team is like, what was that Will Ferrell movie? semi-pro. Like to me, Golden State is like, they got the sickest floor in the NBA. But before they had them, and like where they play is just old school sports. It's not a lot of venues like that anymore. I went to a game there a long time ago when they played the Spurs. David Robinson was still in the team. He was in street clothes though. And what's his face was really young. Captain, the big fundamental there, whatever the fuck his name is. But

anyways, they had the sickest live band there, so you know what? This is tough. I think I got to go, I got to go for the Warriors. You know why? Because Al Madrigal is a Warriors fan and he's the fucking driving force behind the All Things Comedy Network. There you go. That tipped it in favor. I know you're like, what about Jason Lawhead? What about Jason Lawhead? Well, you know what? The buck guy's wanted ited this year so he's already got a championship so i'm rooting for the warriors there you go i'm rooting for the warriors and i'm rooting for the black hawks the greatness of uh... johnathan taves i want to see uh... i want to see him get his third one and uh... plus original six and i also got to be honest with you the fucking black hawks

that that home jersey which used to be the way that red one That's one of the best jerseys in all the fucking sports. All right, that's the deal everybody Thank you to everybody that's listening. I'm in a generous move here. I'm still gonna tell you go fuck yourselves But I'm just so fucking psyched. I finally got the helicopter thing Done and then I can now go on to Done and then I can now go on to Actually really learn how to fly the fucking thing which is really what your pilot's license is It's a license to learn they say so I got to get on that shit. So that is it. I'm gonna do another god damn comedy jam coming up this month So I got to get my drum and chops back together

But nothing but helicopters this month. So brought my little fucking pad over here You know got a parallel gonna parallel my fucking way back in this drumming shape, but when I come back, I forget what date that is, but don't have it on the website. I'm gonna go to the bathroom. 2 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2 %, 2 %, 2%, 2, 3%, 2%, 2, 3%, 2%, 2, 3%, 2, 3%, 2, 3%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2, 3%, 2, 3%, 2, 3%, 2, 3%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2, 3%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2%, 2 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1%, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1 %, 1%, 1 %, 1 %, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1 %, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%, 1%,