Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-15-23

Episode Date: June 16, 2023

Bill rambles with the lovely Nia about beautiful athletes, doing mushrooms together, and corruption. Helix:  Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners.  www.HelixSleep.com/BURR Stamps.com:  Sign up with promo code BURR for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, plus free postage, and a free digital scale.  No long-term commitments or contracts.   www.stamps.com

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. You're almost there. It's Thursday. Do you even have to say that to people anymore? You're almost there. Who's kid? No. You never went back to the office after fucking COVID you're working from home. I don't wanna go in there and guess what? They don't wanna see you. They don't wanna see your fucking sad face. They know what they're doing to you.

They know how much they're undervaluing you and underpaying you and all of that shit. You should be at home. Tell you what, I'll come in when you fucking give me a wage that can keep up with these gas prices. Fucking Biden's America, am I right? Fucking dummies. Yeah, that's what's driving the gas prices up.

It's not the collusion between the oil companies and the Federal Reserve printing money with no gold behind it. No, it's not that. It's that guy. And not because he's an idiot, because he's an idiot with a blue tie. And I like idiots with red ties. That's how I do politics.

Everybody, guess who's on the podcast? It's BB, the lovely Nia. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. I got a story for. Shout out to Nick Croll and John Mulaney. Oh, hello. Oh oh hello. I got a story shout out to Nick Croll and John Malini. Oh hello. Oh hello. I got to see John Malini's new stand-up special. Her is fucking unbelievable.

Unbelievable. So anyway, I Saw this story in the New York Post because I'm an old man. I still buy newspapers. I go out and I get a cup of coffee And I go, I want you to look at this. A cup of gel. Yeah, I sit there by myself and then I talk to other people at tables who don't want to insert myself. Yeah, yeah.

Can you believe what's going on with the water company? Company. The water department here. The water company. You know, they're going to dig up the street. That's going to be a mess. and you know they they're gonna dig up the street and that's gonna be a mess uh... uh... you're fifty five years old you see you read newspapers at coffee shops and complain about you know everything yeah

i love it oh billy with his blue type red type red so boy here we go again uh... red type red type and you both suck wow bill wow Yeah, what up? What up? Red time and you're both suck. Wow, Bill. Wow. What? They're still doing it though. They're still doing it.

Yeah, they're still doing it. You're still doing it too. So how long are we going to have to listen to you? When they stop. When they stop. OK, so not for a while, huh? So we've seen it's pointless. I do. I do think it's pointless. Okay, well then okay

Okay, okay, if we're gonna go the pointless route. Okay We're gonna go the When are those women on the shows you watch gonna get along when when I when I What are all of them all literally everything that I watch all of that? It's never gonna happen but you don't hear me complaining about it damn it so you just don't care that they don't get along all right I guess I shouldn't care that the whole country's going down the sugar all right fine fine all

right with that happy thought so my old ass I'm watching I'm reading the the newspaper and They did this article right this I this woman wrote this article Talking about how there was these two twins that played for the University of Miami. They played basketball division one Okay, okay, so I don't give a fuck even if you come off the bench you can play one was averaging fifteen points a game which i mean i don't want what they scored in college fifty sixty points it's a lot of points in her twin sister

was getting four points again so there was this big thing about colleges making money off of athletes images and now they they somehow the athletes have won the right to actually make money on what they look like. So these two twins are beautiful, blondes. They start taking pictures of themselves in bikinis and whatnot and da da da da da da da. Right? And growing their followers. Yeah. And they made two million bucks. Oh, good for them. Thank you.

This woman wrote this. The problem. Because it should be more about their skills and not their beliefs. No, because they're, well, yeah, that was her point. They're going like, they're me and all this money, because they're pretty. So-and-so, you know, average 25 points of game

in blah, blah, blah, blah, but she stopped short of saying she wasn't as good looking but that's what she was saying. That was the implication. Is that the person that's really the the skilled athlete athlete? Yeah athlete. Yeah. Um, is not getting the recognition because they're not exploiting their good looks. Or the. Let me me ask you this, how are you exploiting your looks if you're making money? Yeah, I mean, they have agency if they're doing it themselves. They know what's going to work and their twins

and they're both beautiful and they both are athletic so I'm sure they have great bodies. And so they're just kind of playing the game and they're profiting off of it, which I feel like this is what we, this is what we're, I don't know, what we're supposed to be doing, but if that's what they want to do, then they should do it. Yeah, so I just kind of thought it was interesting that they kind of came out and, first of all, she acts like they're playing at the University of Miami, playing women's basketball,

like they didn't have to beat out a bunch of people to do it. She acts like it wasn't Division I. This one went back to like Anna Kornikova, who was Smoking Hot. And you said tennis girl? Oh my God, she was gorgeous. We're almost beautiful women in the world, right? And she was, and Anne was like the eighth ranked woman

in professional tennis. She never won a major, but she played in them. She could have just been the fucking hot. He trying to get a free fucking Zambuka at the local fucking bar. She played tennis and became whatever the fuck it is. Sandbook, whatever it is. She became the eighth rank tennis player in the world. And that was all out the fucking window because, you know, she didn't win like a major, didn't do the whole thing. I just think all of that fucking shit is like it's

always comes from women who aren't as pretty as he obviously is the woman that they're complaining about and then it also comes from guys that feel like they can't get beautiful women. They're fucking beautiful if they can make money off of it. They didn't set up the deal. That's how the deal works. So they're playing the game. I just I gotta be be honest, is a card carrying misogynist? Like, it was great to see this woman write this article and take down those two women. Are you officially a card carrying? Yes.

Okay, so... After I have my cup of coffee and, you know, read my newspaper and talk about the water company. Okay, that's what. Okay. Hi. I go around the corner and, you know, it's me, you me and a bunch of other fucking idiots. I don't know what I'm talking about.

But I just, I don't understand why I can't say, you know, if they look good in a bikini, why can't you go make money doing that? I don't have a problem with it, but I think that there is a structure in place in terms of the patriarchy that's a bigger conversation. That's really what she's getting at. I don't think she was. She was talking about beauty. Well, I want to read, I want to read the article.

Wait, is this somehow going to come down that men fucked up here? This is like little woman on woman crime here. I'm sure she was talking about something bigger than what you still did down to. Well, that was very, that was very condescending. Wow. I mean, I,

wow, all right, Nea Renee Hill, everybody okay. Thank you for stopping by Jesus Christ. I'm the ones, I'm supporting those two fucking people that went to million, they make $2 million, right? To, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, right? $2 million, fuck it, fuck it, whatever they're doing. Because I was trying not to say brods. I'm supporting those two brods.

What ever. All right, I mean, okay, I guess, I guess it's just, this is fucking, you know something, I have to be honest with you, that is the thing that fucking annoys the shit out of me about women, where it's just like, when it's the guys fault, it's our fault, and when it's your fault, it's still our fault.

How do you grow? I mean, that's a question for you. Ask your fellow brethren. That I have to somehow figure out why a woman would take two other women down who made two million dollars who were being exploited by the patriarchy, whatever the fuck that means, right? The university and they figured out a way to make- Whatever the fuck that means. They figured out a way to make two million bucks and then somehow that's my fault and I

need to do work. What about the lady that wrote the article? I want to read it, but maybe she's got some bias against- You want to read it. I do want to read it to give her the benefit of the doubt Should I be giving you the benefit of the doubt? Evidently not because Mr. Carc here No, I should give you the benefit of the doubt about what a woman speaks about what women are going through I should give you the benefit of the doubt. No, I just think it's interesting

I'm gonna read her words. Yeah, but you didn't give me the benefit of that. I'm ainated, misogynist card. Can, you know, put that in your little pipe and smoke it. How about that? Yeah, you didn't give me the benefit of the doubt. You immediately thought that I was being a fucking idiot. And here's the thing. I did think that.

Can I ask you a question? If you go read this, are you gonna do like a page 90 retraction of your comments on me, like how they always do in the newspaper? Perhaps I will. And a very small print at the very bottom. I just, okay, you know what this really taps in, Tunea? It really has nothing to do with like that massage and you shit. What it has to do is I just fucking hate people

that just fucking... Just stop there. You would destroy in me. It's really no need to go any further. I forget it. I forget it. It's good to be back. It's great to be back.

So what do you want to talk about? I don't know. What do you want to talk about? Forget it. Forget it. Woo! It's good to be back. It's great to be back. So what do you want to talk about? I don't know. What do you want to talk about? Are we going to talk about, did you already mention something that we went through? Are we going to talk about that? No, I don't feel like talking about that. Okay.

I just don't because of the patriarchy that owns that hill. And I'm sure a big pharmaceutical bought the fucking mushrooms and blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I fucking can't stand people that hate on somebody because they have something that they don't have because they're better looking than them, because they're taller, because they have more money, because they came, it's just not a good fucking look. And you don't grow and like, you know, it's like, okay, so that you weren't dealt that hand, you were dealt a hand play the fucking hand And quit your fucking whining and quit trying to dumb the whole game down to your fucking level so you can win

Figure out how to fucking win. What's wrong with that? Is that misogynist? All right, that's all the fucking I was trying to say I mean Well, well, we just stopped it right there. So a few other things, and you're not considering it in that statement, but yes, but over one minute. I didn't need it racially. I'm not talking about race. Oh, all right, I ever tracked it.

Can I bring a drink of that? She's gone, I was just going to hop. That's me rewinding it. Well, then what else? Well, why don't you even tell him, oh man, this is getting good. What else are you talking about, then? else? Well, why don't you even tell him, oh man, this is getting good. What else are you talking about then? Oh, just then.

Oh, okay, I mean, because it was a very like pull yourself up by your boot straps type of vibe. There's nothing wrong with that statement when applied correctly, okay? And I'm not saying, I'm not talking about in terms of like male female race homophobia, none of that bullshit. Okay, there is a time where you have to quit fucking whining about your goddamn stitch.

We're talking about looks here. Yes. Yes. So about practice. So about looks here. Mm-hmm. What was that reference to? Just now.

Alan Iverson. Okay. Um, he played for the 76th. I know he's averson. Okay. Um, he played for the 706. I know he's a basketball player. Okay. All right. Okay. He's right.

Anyway, I'm just saying, it's like me being upset that more women find Ryan Gosling attractive than me. I mean, how would, exactly. That's ridiculous. You're married to me and you laughed and it is ridiculous. It's ridiculous. Why would I ever do that? And why would I try to like fucking dumb the whole thing down that people have to

look at me the way they're looking at that guy? Right. Because it's just not going to happen. It isn't. You're being such a dick. You're just such a dick. You're just being a dick. No, I thought I was having fun. Isn't this fun?

No, it is. You know why? Because I was having one of those days, I'm going to talk to the fans now. If I have any left. It's, you know, like when you wake up, you wake up and you love the other person more than they love and you and it makes you feel stupid You're already you're already oh This morning with the arm rub that's what it is so I was yeah, I am I have feelings to I know you do

No, no, no, that's okay. It's okay. We'll leave it at that. Yeah, we'll leave it at that We'll leave it that because I'm not gonna go any further and do this because somehow By the end of this this is gonna be my fault. So just, no, no, no, no, fuck the whole thing. Fuck the whole thing, yeah. No, no, no, no, I'm just gonna go down to the local pub, get myself a coffee in a newspaper and talk about the water company.

That's what I'm gonna do. Can I join you? Huh? Can I join you? Huh? Can I join you? No. No. You're not going to cut your way into this, the way you always do. Oh, good one, baby.

No. If that went the other way, you'd be like, did I have to do something? And then I'd have to deal with that for like 36 hours of you walking around, doing that shit. I literally took you two and from the fucking gym and you were still a jerk to me. I wasn't a jerk to you. I didn't say anything. Exactly. I was just driving and it was just this is called revisionist history, everybody.

And it was always over to caress my arm and it was very sweet. And I just, I don't know, I was a little distracted and I just wasn't into that Hey guys, it's a nut into it and it pull away Then maybe you should take a thick and a thick and clue right than the exact same thing Hey guys when a woman reaches out to you and maybe you should fucking acknowledge it. She's got food and tea That's how you're right. That's how I work and I'm sorry that I'm gonna tell you right now. You can take that. You can wrap it up and go fuck yourself package.

Send it DSL or whatever that bootleg fucking federal expresses. D-H-L. You can send it that and whatever color their trucks are because no one ever sees them. Red and yellow. Red and yellow. Red and yellow.

All right, mustard and ketchup colored. That's right. All right. Well and ketchup colored. That's right. All right. Well, I acknowledge you have feelings, and I'm sorry that I pulled a little bit here. It's too late, Nia. It's too late. I took mushrooms.

I got the German Irish walled off, shit out of me, and you've brought it all back. I'm right back to it. Oh no. I'm right back to it. All right. Well, how do we get it back? Revisit our trip.

And then, yeah, go ahead. We can talk about it a little bit. You know, I get an idea. Alright, well how do we get it back? Revisit our trip? Yeah, we can talk about it a little bit. You know, I get an idea. Why don't you talk about it? So then I won't have to fuck and deal with you coming at me. I mean this is really bizarre. Like I took you two and from your workout. We went over, we went to the PO box, everything was fucking great. We had a nice lunch together. Yeah, okay. Alright.O. Box, everything was fucking great. We had a nice lunch together. Yeah, okay. All right, all right. Okay.

No, we're good. Are we? Yes, we're fine. All right. I just wasn't like, I just wasn't feeling anything. I know, but there was a pre, there was other shit that happened in our relationship before that So I just wasn't know if that was like fucking lingering no and you know

The 10-day silent punishment for the three-minute error That's never it's never that there's no eye contact right now. There's no eye contact. What? It's totally eye contact. Okay So what are you what are we talking about on this buy a kiss? Well certainly not women in bikinis making two million dollars. Which I'm all for. I was too. Yeah I know you are. Okay. I find that you're half right a lot of the times. I find that you're half right a lot of the times. I'll take that. Oh, any given topic.

I feel like you're like a cat. Oh. Where if I come to you, you're like, get the fuck away from me. And if I ignore you it's literally like, if I want affection from you, I have to walk away from you. It's so fucking immature.

All you fucking bros get into that Beyonce mode when a guy steps to him, I'm like, eh, all that diva shit. Yeah, because in your heart, I feel like a guy and a guy's heart of hearts. He really wants to be that guy in an action movie with the cool car. He knows how to fight.

He knows how to operate every fucking piece of machinery. Whatever sort of style you come in. He's smoking hot women. He's banging him But he's not really emotionally attached but they're hanging all over his sweaty fucking bicep, right? We all want to be that guy and I think you guys don't want to be like my nickname did it like you do Keep dreaming, baby you know

I Think that's what it is so when you don't walk up to my trans am that I don't even have with the T-tops, it bothers me. And when I don't know, I think I tell you you're beautiful enough. I do. Get your fucking hand off of me. It's over. How am I going to make this up to you?

Talk about the mushroom trip and where we were and evidently not there anymore. My favorite thing you said, my favorite thing you said after the mushroom trip is you go, you go, was that true? Did that really happen? Or were we just too idiots on mushrooms? And I go, it was both. That really did happen.

So we, and I'm going to do like a little something on my Instagram about not this part. This was just before the podcast. But yeah, so we went someplace and we had mushrooms and it was like, it was my first time really taking mushrooms and especially in my first time taking it in the raw. And it was my first time really having like an adequate dose that would bring certain things out. So, you know, I had heard that we need to have it on an empty stomach. So we took it at 9.30 in the morning, all we had was water and that shit metabolized like that. And 20 minutes later.

That came on real fast. Real fast, real fast and furious. And then we were thinking we were going to go on a nature walk. No, no, no, no, no, no. We really realized. You were thinking, that was your idea. Let's go on a walk walk. No, no, no, no, no, no. We didn't realize. You were thinking, that was your idea. Let's go on a walk to nature and I was like,

I don't know that we wanna do that. I was like, I wanna be a nature walk. And remember I was seeing the condensation on a spider web and I was like, look at this. Oh my God. I know. And then I was thinking like, all right, we took an equal dose, but I think because you're smaller, you went a little further. But like, so when we went back to... We went back to... No, no, no, you missed it. That was yeah. We took an equal dose, but I think because you're smaller, you went a little further.

But like, so when we want back to. No, no, no, you missed it. We walked and we went to go into that, get on that trail and there was like 12 signs saying, we shoot guns here. We got guns. There's guns. Did we mention there's guns? There's nothing here worth dying over.

Yeah, worth risking the life over, yeah. And we were like, all right, you know, I see those signs, I hear what they're saying. Maybe we won't be going for this nature walk because God forbid. Yeah, so then we were like walking back up the hill. And it was like a dirt driveway. We were staying in this, you know,

there was nobody around. Whatever you say, that rural. Yeah. So, and we overlooking the ocean and all that we were up in the hills. And, um, I mean, we got like half way up the drive on you. You just stopped. And you were looking up at the clouds. Oh my god. And your mouth was just hanging open as you was smiling. You were like, oh, it was like all hitting me. And I was just like, oh my God. And I wanted to start laughing,

but I didn't want to ruin your trip. But I was so happy for you. I was like, oh my God. And I play else I saw, I knew that you were having a good trip. Yeah. So you were, you were, I knew it.

You were like, you were literally tripping. You were just looking at the clouds, whatever the fuck they were doing. And mine hadn't hit me like that yet. So my whole thing was I was just trying to be a calm force to get you back to the base camp, which was the move. It was 100% to thank God.

To get, because what I went through, like 20 minutes after that moment, I could not have been in the middle, like we didn't really know where we were. We were just walking like, oh, we're just looking at the flowers. Like, I had my little, oh, everything is wavy gravy. And like, the hills were alive with the sound of music and things were undulating colors. We're popping like literally like every, like, the hills were moving.

It was that. And then we were both lying down on these like lounge chairs. I had gotten us blankets, where we said the whole thing out. We're both lying there like he he he, like under our blankets, just chilling out. Yeah, cracking up laugh and having a good time. And then you and your son, yeah, and she hit was underneath the covers

and she just looks at what she just goes. And she has her sunglasses on, a hat on, and the covers pulled up over her nose underneath her sunglasses. And you just go, baby, and I'm like, what? You're like, I have to ask the universe a question. And I'm like, well, it's your universe too, you know? Right.

Ask the question. Yeah. So then you, as you were asking the question, I was thinking to myself a person that's in my life that's a narcissist, I was like, they should a person that's in my life that's a narcissist, I was like, they should take this shit because I think it would maybe help them because narcissists, they can't help themselves. It's really a sad thing to watch.

And then I was thinking, like, what would a narcissist on mushrooms ask the universe? And I thought in my head, the narcissist would say to the universe, what do you want to know? And it was a dumb joke. So I start cracking up laughing. And then you asked the universe, whatever you asked it. I don't even think I asked it a question. I just, there was a part of my mind, my brain,

whatever my soul, whatever that was, became open to receiving whatever it was that the universe wanted to tell me. So that's really what it was. Fucking heavy, man. It wasn't as if I was even asking a specific question like you would ask like a fortune teller or a psychic or something like that. It's just something in my brain opened up and then I received this message that said, you are a lonely goddess walking the earth and from that moment on

everything changed. Oh, yeah. Like, meaning you started sobbing. I went back to my dream. I don't know how much you want. I'll tell it. I went back to my most loneliest point as a child. My parents were divorced.

I had to fly back and forth over the summers to see my dad here in LA. I grew up in Atlanta. I'm from Boston, grew up in Atlanta, but I would fly back to see my dad who moved out here when I was like, eight, right? So I went back to that, like what I recall being like the loneliest moment

of just dealing with the back and forth and not really having somebody there to like sort of talk to about things, because you know, it was like back then it was just like, go see your dad there. And it was no talking about it. How are you doing? Are you okay? I know, you know, it was like back then, it was just like, go see your dad there. And it was no talking about it. How are you doing? Are you okay?

I know, you know, it must be hard. None of that stuff. So I went back to that moment as a child. I was literally holding myself as that child, comforting her, sobbing, weeping, and telling her it was gonna be okay. Everything was gonna be fine, but that I couldn't keep coming back there.

I had to move forward, I had to move on, I can't, you know, keep staying in that lonely place. And I had to embrace being the goddess that is here to lead with like love and empathy and fun and excitement. That was the... That was the... I was... And meanwhile, I was laying on the thing, and I was waving at the clouds,

and you asked me later. Yeah, that dude was waving. I looked at him, he was waving. And you were like, what were you waving at? And with the clouds, it all turned into like these skulls. They look like skeletons to me too. Yeah, they were kind of coming to get me, and I knew what they were. I was like, those are my demons. I know I have them. I'm not afraid

of them. So I just was like, hey guys. Good to see you again. And the second I waved at them, this other cloud came in like it was on a horse with like a fucking sword and just stabbed one and his mouth just kept opening until it disappeared. And then after that, I was like, fine. And no, I just watching all of your stuff. I told you, I thought I was joking about the misogyny. It kind of cured me of my misogyny, because I've been telling you since the day I met you. I was like, you're a goddess.

I've been telling you that. It's true. That's always the compliment he gives me. And so, I'm sitting here weeping and sobbing for my lonely childhood, and my lonely childhood. And, but then, I, you know, then the euphoria kicked in. And I was like, oh my god, like, I know what it is now. Like, I know what it is I've been struggling with because I think about when I was a kid, and I, you know, had so much, but I would often feel so sad. And I know what it is I've been struggling with because I think about when I was a kid and I you know had so much but I would often feel so sad and I was like and I remember thinking why am I sad right now like what's making me sad and I think it was the loneliness of being a child of divorce and even though my parents divorced when

I was like two and a half three years old and I don't have any memories of it I still was very lonely in my journey between them. And they never talked shit about each other. They never put me in the middle. They were very mature. I had a great relationship with my dad. We were in communication all the time. But that journey of going from Atlanta to LA every summer,

I think was very lonely for me. It's a leave all my friends in Atlanta, and then go to LA and kind of have to make new friends or reconnect with the friends that I saw last summer that I haven't seen all year, and so much when your kid so much happens in the school year. You know, you change so much. So to have to go and sort of start over every single time

I think was lonely for me. And even though I don't really have memories of all of us together, I have pictures of when I'm a baby and there's the three of us, but I don't know that life. And so there's something very lonely about that too. So to be able to finally give it a name of whatever it is that I've been holding onto and struggle with, even in adulthood, feeling lonely on this journey of life or whatever.

That when that came to me, it was like, oh my god, this is what it is, you know. So yes, I was weeping and sobbing uncontrollably. And you were right there with me, like consoling me and you know all that other stuff. It took you through the trip, man. Yeah, it was really great. I thought we really had an amazing moment, you know. Right? Yeah. No, we did. Just me.

No, no, no, I just said. I know how much you want to talk about it, but it was great. I ain't going to get in and all that. No, we basically, we laughed, we sobbed, we told each other, we loved each other, we said we were soulmates, we had a great time. Cause it could have gone the other way.

We could have had a trip and been like, what the fuck have I been doing? Would you imagine, but we both were like inside like saying all these things that we needed to say to each other and like loving on each other and giving each other all these compliments and like it was not, should we be together?

I don't know, it was, we were very much like, yes. And then we drove down the hill afterwards. We got some to eat. And then we were like, and then it just, and then we got a two-job, like, what the fuck was that? Yeah. Yeah, at about one thirty-two o'clock,

we're just like, whoa, that really fucking happened. Like it was honestly, I will never be the same. That was a transformative experience. And I, yeah, the stuff that we said to each other is gonna remain with us, but. And then at the end of the night at dusk, I was in matric with the lovely Nia and Nia loves the ocean. So I just backed it up in this parking spot.

We sat in the tailgate and watched people surf. It was so beautiful. It was so great. It was such a fucking amazing trip, literally, and figuring it out. Yeah, and that was funny. It's then the second it's over, then we were coming down to the hills, down onto the fucking 118 or the 101, whatever the fuck we were.

And it was like, and back into the matrix. Yeah, oh my God, yeah, 100%. And I was kind of like, I felt a little depressed. I just feel like, you know, you get that dopamine or serotonin or whatever it is, you get that rush, you get that high. And then you kind of come down and you just sort of, like, that's why I was like, was that real?

That happened, was that true? sort of like that's why I was like was that real that happened was that true No, but that's why it's just like a high idiot like just you know and you were like no it was real, but yes, we were also I and you know all that But it was what I like about them is it doesn't make me want to go and just start Like a smoke a cigar and then the next day I was like I want to have a cigar and I got a fight smoke in another one You know it's not like that. It's actually you come down and for me anyway And then it's like I need to work on this part of my life. I need to work on that part of my life. Yeah, and That's how I feel. And then it's just like all right and then in like you know a year or so. I'll take them again

I'll check in on them because like I don't think You know going around like if I like microdose those things and I'm just in on them, cause I don't think going around, like if I had like microdose those things, and I was just sort of, and everything's groovy man, like all the time, I don't have like depression, like people like Walker, when I'm like like a like clinically depressed

or something like that, I heard it's really helpful for that, but I know. I'm in microdosing, and I find it like super helpful, but I don't feel like. That's what the fuck's been going on with you. No.

I don't feel like weird, I don't feel weird, I don't feel high, I feel incredibly clear and focused, but I also don't take it every day. I take it Monday through Thursday and then I take a break as instructed by the person who's guiding me through that type of thing. So, I don't know. For me, I feel very productive on the days that I'm on it.

I don't feel like not me, I feel very productive on the days that I'm on it. I don't feel like not productive on the off days, but on the on days, I feel extremely productive and very like, keyed in. Why are you laughing? So this picture you're actually doing, like some pill version of cocaine, you're like, granted, I'm fucking getting shit done.

No, no, no, no. No, it's because I came up in the era of, like I feel like this is like a golden age of drugs where like as far as like The ones that are like illegal in a way I mean they made weed is now legal But like mushrooms for the most part of still illegal I think So that seems to be changing which I think it would be a bad thing for mushrooms because once corporations get their hands on it like you look at weed now

I mean those gummies and stuff with all that sugar all over them. It's like, what did you turn this into? Yeah. You know, and I worry that they're gonna do that and then somehow the Monsanto will own the seed. And they'll, the Monsanto, whatever the fuck. And they had the guy that took over

the whole fucking food supply. And if their seeds blew onto your farmland, they could sue you for using them because of the wind. Oh my God. Yeah. If you ever listen to John Cougar Melanchamp singing about that stuff.

I didn't know. I never listened to John Cougar Melanchamp. So anyway. Is someone that sang Jack and Diane? Yeah, and then the sequel. And the sequel. Is he like, I'm a little bored in the small town. Is that him too?

Yeah. There's a sequel to Jack and Dan. Yeah. What's the called? Jack and Diane and Fran. What? Well, they opened up their relationship. Yeah.

Because they got bored. They got bored with each other. And they tried that and they just didn't realize that they just was young love and it wasn't real. Oh my God. That's not what happened in the song. It's like a seven minute song. Yeah. Oh my god. That's not what happened in the song. It's like a seven minute song. It was a B side on the 45 to

Smoking fire whatever that song was Like heaven and fire whatever that one is Something and something I saw him one time. Oh my generation. Oh my God, you saw that treat Williams passed away. Did you see that, the actor? No. He passed away on a motorcycle accident. Oh, where was he? I don't know.

Oof. On a motorcycle? No, I mean, where? I like where geographically, I don't know. I had not to bring the podcast down, but. It totally sparked down, especially because I was gonna book myself in this part of the country where I know a guy,

Dean knows a guy that fucking has access to motorcycles. I was like, oh, right, I'm out here. I know, I know, but you also know how I feel about you doing that. Like it worries me, so. So I won't do it. I want you to, yes, please. I want you to like put around and like with with my newspaper, my coffee.

Yes, that's what I want. No, no, no, no. I wait, no, you should go right, but I just, I just need nervous. Well, this will go. I'll take this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this is the conundrum I now have after my, my, my, my, my,

when I was tripping and I was watching you and all of that, so like, I've always viewed you as a goddess and I always felt like you were a higher being in that the way you, like I've never met somebody that like roots for people the way you do. Even if you're currently struggling, you still root for people and I'm genuinely happy for them if something good happens for them. Which is very rare. And what I thought was part of the thing where it said, you're a lonely God as part of that is when you are living as a higher being, there is a loneliness to that because you're just looking at people hurting each other as you're thinking like it doesn't have to be like this. Right. Yeah. So I was sitting there thinking about my behavior and looking at you and seeing you finally verbalize that you are a goddess

I started thinking about all the fucking horrible Shit, then I say about women and all that and it's sort of it You know it was cured my massage and he would I'm not like you know I'm this weird massage in this in that like you guys is a group, annoy the fucking shit out of me. But as an individual, I will help you, I go out of my way to, I will go out of my way to help a woman. But you guys as a fucking group,

when you get going and start bitching, I cannot get out of the room fast enough. Honestly, I feel like that's how women feel about men. Like, one on one, I mean, we love you, we wanna care for you, that's like, feel about men like One-on-one like we I mean we love you. We want to care for you That's you don't want to let's do a bunch of guys, but like we don't like to we don't to deal with a bunch of you Yeah, you got a box them out This game's fixed you don't let's go bunch of that like that vibe. They like that energy that sports bar energy I do not

You know, but I feel like that's a way. Those are the ones that tie off the t-shirts. We generalize the way you guys do, where it's like a bunch of you together. Absolutely the fuck not one-on-one. The ones that I'm interested in, the ones that are cool, that are nice. Yes, I'm all about it. Let's connect, you know? Yeah, so I'm speaking. So when I-

Can you fucking kick rocks? Right. So when I was high on the mushrooms, I was sitting there going like, yeah, like women are goddesses. I have to look at them like that. And then I drove down the mountain into the matrix. You're like, nope. No.

No. There's not enough of you vibrating on a plane. Yeah, yeah, no. You're not elevated. So, but if that doesn't mean I gotta go around being the idiot then. But I will say a lot of the shit, you know, I'm a dick, so a lot of the shit that I do say

is to get you going. Yes, you like to get people going, yes, that's your thing. You are a provocateur, 100% I'm a fucking idiot who's going on tour people. Oh, nice segue. Nice segue. I will be in Alanentown, Pennsylvania. I'm doing all these blue color towns that Bruce and Billy Joel sing about, right? I'm going

to Allentown. And they worked on the docks and they get a brown bag and they said, oh, Jesus Christ did this rust out too. And my dad had polio during World War II. There was a group of like 10 guys that all want to go together because I feel like you obviously have mostly a lot of male fans. Like, I want like 10 of them to go to show and like five of them be wearing red ties and five of them be wearing blue ties and just be in the front. No. No, but what was I going to do with that?

I don't know. I'm trying to get people to get past the parties and stop acting like history starts. Like to talk about other countries is bankrupt. It's been bankrupt. It's been bankrupt since we had this never-ending fucking war. This has been costing us all this fucking money. And to the point, there's like people forget we're even at war. Like this is insane.

In every August, they had to print all this extra money or we were literally going to go under. And now that happens in June. So it's like, when is this going to, it's going to back all the way to January and then it finally fucking collapses? It's like serious shit that is happening that is, not talked, like none of it is talked about, but then you just watch people absolutely lose their fucking minds and write an article in a major paper

about two chicks in a bikini that made $2 million. That was in the front section of the fucking paper, and then the stupid Donald Trump media circus over like, this is the rich guy we're going to hold accountable. He arrested like a day before his birthday or something, his 77th birthday. Yeah, it's so stupid. And the precedent that they are starting now, for a president to use the Department of Justice as a way to go after somebody of a different political party is beyond shortsighted.

I thought they were like getting him for all of the documents and what not. And how he was spending his campaign money and it's like this. What president could you not do that to? What's that? I said, what president could you not do that too? Oh, I don't know.

Oh, what are you suggesting that they all do it? Like, they're filthy. The only way you get that job is to be filthy. They're not going to have some squeaky clean person in there that is actually going to drain the swamp. It's okay. It's all of those fucking guys, Nia. If you look at the con, everybody in Congress and in the Senate, they make a couple hundred

grand a year. They're all multifucking millionaires. Every fucking one of them, okay? They're grossly underpaid, yet they're worth millions of dollars and everything they touch in the private sector turns to fucking gold. These corporations finance them. They're underpaid to be bribed by what it used to be was robber barons that have now turned into these nameless faceless corporations. These are the same ones that when you ask them why they're not doing the right thing, they

blame their shareholders going, well, because of the presence of our shareholders and we have to make profits. But then when they turn around and they give themselves a $250 million bonus out of shareholder fucking money, they're just stealing it. And for some reason, shareholders never say anything then. It's, I'm saying the whole system is 100%, it's 100% corrupt. And then all of these presidents, when they they fucking retire They then go on the speech tour and they make 300 grand a night to go thousand points of light and all of this fucking shit Who do they give speech to? Huh?

Constituents they go out to the corporations that put them in office and then they And then corporate games and then they pay them 300 grand They're just washing their bribe money and that's how they get their money and their house on Martha's Vineyard. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. So people sit there and the shit that they say of, you know, of like, there was no wars when Trump was president. It's like, there's been a never ending war since George W. Bush. Like what are you talking about?

What the fuck are you talking about? If you're going to talk about this country being bankrupt, you got to go back to the beginning, the Federal Reserve, right through these fucking wars that we're having for profit, that's what's taken us out. Not the evil fucking Donald Trump, not the forgetful Joe Biden, the ship had already fucking sailed. Am I a crazy person? And all of these fucking people that want to mass all these guns to fight against a tyrannical

government, it's A, what are you waiting for, and B, the second they figured out how to put a machine gun on a biplane, your gun collection was fucking neutralized. No? I don't know. Whatever. We had a good mushroom trip, everybody. Let me do some reads here. Nah, I just don't understand why people can't fucking see that.

It just drives me up the fucking wall. And I blame God, Nia. I blame God. We'll address that on our next trip. Alright, yeah, because he doesn't get any fucking shit whatsoever for the amount of mouth breath and fucking morons who believe racist shit and dumb stuff. Alright, he likes everybody. It's, he likes sleep. He looks like what the fuck?

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It's worse. Some nights it just happens. I wear the exact same pajamas, right? Yes. And some nights it's fucking great and it's like, it's not... I don't know if you wake up, but it's that James Brown video. Yeah. Covered and swelled with his hair.

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That is the podcast. Everybody, enjoy the wonderful music picked out by the ever-talented Andrew Thamelis and enjoy a bonus episode of the Thursday after you just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And after all, we're only ordinary men. And you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you To do. To do. To do. To do. To do. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burnett.

It's the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday. June 15th, 2015, and I'm back in the United States. Oh, United States of America and Denys. Pigs in a blanket. Yeah, I'm back. I'm back in the United States. And immediately I started putting on weight when I got back here. Because there's something I don't know what the fuck is going on with their food. You know, you remember a long time ago they had that book, you know,

eat like a French woman. Be a skinny bitch, bitch like the fucking chick over there in Paris, whatever was called. The secrets of being a skinny bitch in Paris when you're drinking your juice in the hood, whatever the fucking put, whatever the book was called, has nothing to do with it, that their food is of a finer quality. And, you know, they're constantly having legal battles with who's those fucking evil cons? What the fuck is their name?

The people who own the food, you know, monosant or something like that? Oh, Jesus Christ, shouldn't I know this? Monsanto. Hey, fucking Montoni Monsanto. We owns all the fucking seeds over here. Yeah, they're constantly fighting them being like, look, if you want to have your fucking genetically altered food over here, you have to put it on the label that is genetically altered. And these cons won't fucking do it evidently, allegedly. That's what I'm hearing. Now, I'm also hearing that they sue organic farmers like they fucking plant their food next to, you know, at the property next door to the organic farmers. And then when the bees like cross pollinate, then they sue the fucking organic farmer for fucking having some of their

I don't know some of their shit in their food. I don't even get out of that works It's like well when some of my organic stuff being some of yours This is like a Reese's peanut butter cup here But they're bigger so they sue them and then they fucking win. So anyways, all I know is If I really have to watch what I eat in my own country, and it's sad, because I want to eat like a fucking animal, like I did overseas, you know, and I can still walk around and be a skinny bitch in Paris while drinking the juice in my hood.

Is that asking too much? God bless America. Land that I love. You know, those people who I talked their way through a song because they can't sing anymore. Stand beside her and guide her through the light with the night up above. The band's still playing like, I'm gonna rush it. Up, back! God bless America. You know, he's a little vibrato at some point. I'm gonna dumbass mood. I'm still a little jet lag.

It's 453 where I'm at right now. I'm probably gonna wake up my neighbors because when you live in LA, you're that close. You're that close to your neighbors. Right now, I'm an extra neighbor. She's probably lying there going like, who the fuck is talk singing God Bless America? I got a Thife. I hanged for 53 in the morning. You know, my wife watches that show with the ladies there whose dad is now a woman. And you know, the ones out there in Cala, you know, the way they fucking talk. I was sitting there, you know, and this is this was a pivotal turning point in me getting along better with my wife was I just gave into reality TV and I you know what I mean? I just dialed into my fucking inner Caitlin Jenner and was just're just like, all right, I'm going to fucking, I'll feminine it up here, right?

I'll tuck the package between the fucking, I'll duct tape my balls and dick to my tape for the next fucking hour. And I will sit here and I will watch this, or shit. So I'm watching it, right? watch this, or shit. So I'm watching it, right? And the big one there, as J. Law head calls her, the power forward of the Kardashians, all right, she's driving the mere cat one, and then the one who's married to the fucking Kanye West, the always humble Kanye West, right? And dead driving over it because she's trying to figure out, you know, if the fucking, whatever, if the sploge made it to the fucking hangar area.

Sorry, I'm not trying to get on medical and you guys, she's trying to see if she's pregnant or what, I don't want the fuck's going on. So they're driving a submissive, they're in Wyoming, right? Because that's what rich people in California do. They eventually, you know, want to pretend that they're ranchers. So they buy a big, they buy a spread out there in Montana or something. And long story short, they're driving in this fucking SUV, right? The power forwards behind the wheel is J. Lawhead calls her. The mere cat is in the fucking passenger seat and old splougies in the back, right? So they fucking, it's snowing and this truck goes by, you know, the truck has like the wind or whatever,

you know, was it goes by. So, you know, James worthy there is fucking, you know, whoa, going like, what the fuck? And then they keep talking and blah, blah blah. And then another truck goes by and next thing you know, she lost complete control of the car. It has its spinning, right? The woman in the back, I think she's pregnant, so she's freaking out. Oh, she's got a baby there. Cute little baby is sitting there. You know, reading the fucking paper and they start spinning. So the one in the back, the mother is going, hey, fucking, you know, Orlando Woolrich, what the fuck? What's going on? And as they're spinning, the woman behind the, the fucking wheel is going, it's not my fault, It's not my fault. It's not my fault. And they fucking

they spun into oncoming traffic. Luckily, we're not hit, right? And then they fucking went off the road into a ditch. And the big one, the captain, captain, fucking, Kirk took no responsibility whatsoever. It was just like, you know, it was actually mad at old sploogy back there because she was upset with her. She was going, I mean, as I, as a chock can, I was like, when, and it blew me into some black ice, it's like, no, you were going too fast.

You were driving too fucking fast for those conditions. You lost control of the car With your niece in the car. You fucking dope right and Nobody held her feet to the fire Nobody gave her anything. It's like you you are a fuckup You know just standing there with your fucking back and your head touching the top of your back, trying to talk to her, trying to get in a grill, right? Staring up from her navel, looking between her titties.

Seeing a half a two nostrils, just yelling at her, hey, you fucked up lady, right? None of them said that. And then they just like, they're fucking just standing there going like, when my giant eight-foot sister lost control out of the air, the LA, it was like so scary. Like they always like build up to a fucking point, you like yeah, and, and, and it's always just like,

ha, when this media came down at our house and it slammed in to the roof above my bedroom, and if I have a second, I thought I was going to die. I was like, so scared. So Scared So I am standing up Pacing in the living room now like a fucking I don't know some fucking pissed off coach Who's trying to stay inside the coaches box so he doesn't get it technical and I'm fucking screaming at the TV like a bad call was made Completely forgot that I was gonna sit there and try and get along with my wife by watching this horse shit And I'm yelling at the TV. I'm like now you fucking eight foot cunt you fucked up You were driving too fast fast my fucking voice crack it. You driving too fast, man. You fucking naces in the car

Right You fucking naces in the car. Right? Slow the fuck down. You driving a four wheel drive vehicle? You fucking dope. Oh my god. Down with that show. That was it. I tried.

I lasted fucking one clip. I'm done with that show. Fucking done with that show. I fucking hate when people do shit like that. And people call them on and like, ah, I have a lot of time. Yeah, what's your fault? It is your fault.

Stop being powerless, you're more on. All right, you have total control of that fucking situation. You just drive a little slower. You drive a little slower. Anyways, anyway, I should be making fun of them. you know, what they're going through right now, what they're having to deal with. Left is white, black is my up and down is black and white, inside out, and now Bruce is fucking Caitlin.

I really hold firm on that that people cannot get upset with anybody in that family if they're still a little fucking wigged out That their dad is now their mom, you know what I mean? Just exactly what is the average You know time it takes You know for you to fucking get your head around that You know, I don't know my wife's sitting there going out. You're showing who's fucking titties to his kids It's just like he's doing what I mean, I don't is that true If that's true, I don't give a fuck that's just wrong in all kinds of levels. You know what I mean?

I know I get it. I get it You're coming back from the mall and you got a little shop shoppers high going on and you want to show what you got but that tits right shoppers high going on and you want to show what you got, but they're tits, right? When you were a guy, did you take your balls out and show them to, no, you didn't. You don't do that. You don't show your sexual goods to your fucking kids and then compile it with new sexual goods, right? And it's not like new and improved like, hey, I got my dick enlarged.

No, I fucking, uh, I got my dick enlarged. No, I fucking, I got some tits now. Would you like to see them? No, dad, I mean, mom, I wouldn't. Jesus Christ, Caitlin, can you put your fucking new tits away? Is that asking too much? You already took all my rouge. Now you're going to take your tits out. I mean, I've sent in a car and I was yelling, it's pile of oil. It was like that. Scott, when you took your tits out, dad, it was like that. Scott sky. I was like, is my dad taking his

teta? I was like Bruce, I mean, K, I mean, what the fuck? Jesus Christ, you know what I mean, you think you're having a dude, I haven't even having the weirdest week. I don't know you haven't. No, you haven't. You've been having a nice regular fucking time. I get loose for you. Been having a time that is about is that is right is fucking rain. Do you understand me? What are you? Um, anyways, what are some of the other shit that people want to, uh, want to me to talk about this week? Um, I don't, oh, here's another thing. I don't understand

like I get the kids being freaked out by Caitlin. I get that, you know what I mean? I get that they need some time on that one. That makes total fucking sense. What I don't understand is people flipping out about this white chick who said she was black And everybody's going she's actually white. She's saying she's black. She's got on some fucking tan Adored and she fucking kinked up a hair. What the fuck like this is what I don't understand Who gives the fuck? This is what I don't understand. Who gives a fuck? I don't give a shit if she says she's Portuguese. I don't care. That's what the fuck she wants.

I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? That goes back to Bruce Jenner. I don't give a shit that he wants to be a woman. But I mean, you gotta understand. People gotta, whoa, hey. Oh, it's going on here. You know, you gotta give people a couple of weeks.

Brose, I'm sorry, sorry. Katie, do call me Katie. It's Caitlin. All right. All right. Sorry. Sorry. Caitlin. Um, anyways, yeah, this white chick who said she was black, right? Um, the only thing I think was fucked up. Out of all of that Rachel was her name, which should have been a dead giveaway. Have you ever met a black woman named Rachel? And I got Rachel. You look sad. Don't today. Oh, I got Rachel came out and she was like, fly.

Fly. Um, all right, Rachel, dolaze, dolaze, dolaze. Now, that sounds like a black woman's name. In her last name, she should have flipped around. She should have been dolaze. No, dolaze. I don't know how to say it. Anyways, Rachel, whatever, 37, was pictured outside of her home Friday for the

first time since the scandal erupted over her misrepresentation of her race. This is what people are flipping out about. Not that our fucking food is, you know, whatever the fuck they do with this shit. They don't tell us genetically altered baby seals washing up onto the fucking beaches. Fuck all of that. There's some check from some fucking God for safe and place, but 10 and to be black when she's actually white. Let's focus on this. Huh?

Um, she also responded to her detractors and a new interview saying, what I'd like to say them is I don't give two shits about what you think. I like that. There you go. There you go. You got girl. She then added, I do consider myself to be black. Her parents revealed Thursday. This is the only thing that I thought was was fucked up. All right. Her parents revealed Thursday. She started disguising yourself as black in 2007 and no longer speaks to them because they will ruin her image. This chick is out of her fucking mind, but in the long and short of all of it, who was she hurting?

You know what I mean? As far as the white persons go, could you be any more involved in bettering race relations? She killed off the white person inside of her, right? She's working at the NAACP. What more she got to do on some level. I mean, she could have just been some privileged fucking white chick, drying around in a fucking SUV. And they are I was like that. That's how I just could have been that. And instead, she does all of this shit, but I don't understand like cutting off your fucking parents. You know what I mean? I wonder what she called him crack is he crack is got to stay away from my black ass. My newly black ass because you're going to ruin my image.

She has been a civil rights activist in Idaho. That's not an easy gig. I remember a long time ago, a comic I knew was working the funny bone up there and the clan was fucking having a demonstration and boysy and he called up the club. He was black, by the way, and asked for a ride over and they wouldn't give it to him and they were like, why don't you need a ride? It's a quick walk over. He's like, I'm because I'm black and the clan is having a fucking rally. You assholes and then the club was just like, and I got why are you being sad? Difficult. So she was an activist So she was an activist in Idaho.

She also teaches African studies at Eastern Washington University. And that's a little bit fucked up. You know what I mean? I think she can report on it. I don't know if she can teach about it, right? Oh, maybe it's if you read up enough on it, you can teach the class. I have no idea.

She is facing a city ethics investigation after identifying herself as black in an application to serve on a local police on Budsmen commission. What the fuck on Budsmen? You know, I've been speaking the English language or at least attempting to for 47 fucking year on BUDSMAN definition. Anybody know? Does anybody know? Oh, Am BUDSMAN. An official appointment to investigate individuals complaints against maladministration, especially that of public authorities.

See, this is why I don't look upwards. Now, what the fuck is maladministration? Maladministration. I have to go to the gynecologist today to investigate my maladministration. My flow is not where it needs to be. Sorry. Sorry. A minstrel flow joke.

What do you want from me? Anyway, so she's, I don't know, facing all this shit. Rachel Dole-Zell, Dole-Zell, What do you want from me? Anyway, so she's, I don't know, facing all this shit. Rachel, those, those, those are all the white NAACP leader. Oh my God, how much shit is she gonna get? Like now, because she's done what she's done when you see her, everyone's just gonna be like, Hey, why are you just trying to drive a nuts? Hey, cracker.

I'll give mother fuck. Just trying to drive a nut. Hey cracker! I'll give mother fuck. This is the fun part here, when they actually interview her. Some of you asked you, say, what race are you? And she's like, I don't understand the question. And the guy's like, what race are you? Okay, Rachel, whatever. She also gave an interview about the controversy saying of her tractors, I said that already, when pressed further about her race, she told K-R-E-M, I actually don't like the term African-American. I prefer black. Oh, God. And I would say

that if I was asked, I would definitely say that yes, I do consider myself to be black. You know, but what I don't understand this, you know, if Bruce can consider him or herself to be Caitlin, why can't fucking Debbie here consider herself to be a Deseret. What have the fucking one to call her? I don't know. Dacia Um, I'm like, oh, look at him, parents. Jesus Christ. They are extremely white. They're so white her dad's name is Larry. Although Wait a minute. Larry Johnson played for the next but now any time I hear Larry Larry to me is a white guy Larry bird Larry

Jerry Larry in Ruth Ann. Oh my god pictured speaking to CNN on Friday, I revealed their daughter Spokane's NAACP chapter president is white, not African American. They actually have her fucking birth certificate. Oh man. Oh Jesus. You know what it is? She what the way she's done her hair She kind of looks mixed Although when she was a when she was a little girl. She looks like she was on the Olsons the Olsons Now the fucking little house in the prairie. Hey, did anybody see that fucking article on Lionel Richie in GQ magazine? um see that fucking article on Lionel Richie in GQ magazine. You know, I had a nine-hour flight. I fucking grabbed every magazine out there, right? GQ magazine, such a stupid fucking magazine,

by the way. They got some decent articles, but what was funny was some guy in there just ripped Rolling Stones to shreds because they fucking, you know, had the, that rape story that ended up not being true and how they didn't investigate it, saying all this fucking horseshit and saying that I don't even understand why people took it so seriously because they, oh my god, like Rolling Stone has been relevant forever, right? And it's literally in that GQ fucking magazine, they got, who's that tennis star from fucking Russia? Fucking nine foot blonde who wasn't as good as Serena, but she makes more money because she's blonde and blue eyed, right?

She fucking They got her she's she's gonna drive some new Porsche, right? And the quote that they're using is that she's fucking totally into speed She likes driving like a maniac and she's a car person So I'm like, wow this girl's even hotter now. How fucking hard is it that some beautiful woman likes to get behind the wheel of a portion and just fucking see how fast it can go? And the quotes they're using is leading you to believe that that's what the fuck's going on. And then you read the article and it's like a one page article and she's like, it's like I like to go fast, but I have too much to lose, but maybe in another life, you know what I mean? That's what it was. And you're sitting there talking about journalistic integrity as you suck me into this fucking magazine

because I want to read about the new Porsche and this statue-West fucking blonde who likes to drive it like 200 miles an hour. That's the way you sold it, you cunts, and it wasn't that. I don't like that fucking magazine because everything in there is like a fucking $30,000 watching you're supposed to own like a plane. Like that's supposed to be the thing that I'm going for. It's like, what am I fucking James Bond?

Like, who is this magazine for? Am I a spy? I hate when they have fucking pictures too, right? and they have a celebrity and they're fucking in casual clothes And then they'll be like, you know fucking, you know any rickshaw here is where is wearing a fucking $900 t-shirt By whatever that's fucking stores. I always think it's herpes Hermes air mees, right?

Kind of a fucking jerk off. Uh, why would you do, you know, where's a pair of fucking nine hundred dollar mittens? I don't know, whatever. So I'm off. I'm totally off the beaten path. I thought this chick here wants to be blind. I mean, she should fucking be, uh,

her and her parents need to fucking work on their relationship. Maybe they can just treat her like she's, you know, African-American. I have no idea. Like, God knows they live in Idaho. They probably wouldn't let her in the house. Because he's the backdoor and shit. Larry, oh man.

Yeah, you wanted to be black? This is why it's how it is. Who's how it is? You are not invited over for Christmas You can come over and clean up if you want Right They'll be fucking hilarious for parents who actually fucking racist and then they start this is like a shapel show skit waiting to fucking up So anyways, yeah, they got it. They definitely got to repair some stuff there.

I don't know what's going on with this fucking lady. Yeah, I don't know. You know, she likes to go tan and she likes to fucking do her hair up and I don't know what it is. If you see the car she's driving, she's definitely a white chick though. Jesus Christ, What is that? What the fuck is that thing?

It's one of those things that isn't a van. It isn't an SUV and it isn't a car. You know those things? Whatever you call those things GMC's almost whatever the fuck it is. I don't know All right, whatever God bless her God bless. What other fuck she wants to do, you know? All right, where do you go from here? What do you go from here? You know what you do? You read a little bit of advertising. I think that that's the move to make here. I definitely think that's the move. My white freckled ass think that that's the

move to make here. He should definitely do that, man. I would think because I've learned in the last like six months that when you actually dress nice as much as your guy friends break your balls, fucking women love it. And I don't mean putting on a nice goddamn shirt. All right. I mean just you know every once in a while you break out a pocket square. The level of shit you're gonna in a sport coat, the level of shit you're gonna take from your friends will easily be balanced out by the amount of fucking women that will just be like oh my god like that look at you what's going on with you all right they slowly dropped to the knee like all right next to you know you

getting blown least that's how the fantasy works in my head. My head, my head, big fucking white freckled head. Oh yeah. All right. You see that fucking lady, yeah, who yelled at LeBron? He's walking off the court after having a fucking professional basketball team on his back for 82 games in four rounds of the fucking playoffs. You know, going headfirst into a camera and even needing

stitches finishing the game like a fucking hockey player, you'd think that he get respect even though it is fans of the other team, even though it is an away game or whatever the fuck it was, wasn't away game. I don't know. I don't pay attention. So he's walking off the court and some lady yells at him from like 10 feet away. She's like, hey, Lebron, what's it like to be a punk ass bitch? And I love the security. Just goes, watch your mouth, lady. Watch your mouth woman? What's your mouth woman? And LeBron just stopped and glared at her and I can't tell because everybody did so many mismasters of the video. I believe she went Tha-ah, you know, what is wrong with people?

That's one of my favorite moments in sports is when some asshole in the crowd yells some because you know, they're looking at them like they're a cartoon I'm not a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man.

I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man.

I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man.

I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I mean, what would you expect from a sports fan from California? All right, they are the worst. I am a huge sports fan and it's depressing how bad sports fans are in the entire state of California. All they, every fucking thing they say ends with the word bitch. This is our house bitch. What bitch? Fucking dodgers bitch, they're just the fucking They're the fucking worst They don't know a fucking thing about the game and I know there's gonna be a bunch of people being like I know about the game I'm just saying generally fucking speaking

being like, I know about the game. I'm just saying generally fucking speaking. All right. Like listen, if you actually said, Hey, Bill, you're from Massachusetts. And every time they pan into the crowd, that is, those are some of the ugliest collections of human beings I've ever seen in my life. I would not argue with you. All right. And I am part of that. If I was in the crowd too, I would cause you to recoil. I always see it whenever they go, whenever they pan into the crowd at Boston, I'm always like Jesus Christ, look at those people. Look at them. Fucking animals, right? I'll tell you something about those animals. They know the game and they can talk the game. So, fans in New York, oh, all these ghosts, they can fucking talk the game. People in the Midwest, great fucking fans, those maniacs now,

South, forget after it, they can talk about the game. I don't know what the fuck it is, the state of California. You know, what's up? NBA Finals, bitch. This is our house, bitch. Hey, LeBron, your punk ass bitch. I don't get it. Everybody sounds like they're in one of those awful car movies, right? The fast and the furious and 24 seconds get that car out of here. All those fucking movies, gumball rally. All of them, they all sound like they're, they're, everybody sounds like they're on fucking MTV

cribs. I don't understand it. I don't know what it is. I don't know what caused it. Was it reality television? You know what I mean? Reality television. They had this formula where they would always have nine annoying white people and then

somebody black and they would stick them in there. And then eventually the black person lost their fucking mind because they live in with nine white people. The same way as a white person after a fucking while. You know what I mean? The black person is sitting there and you know, listening to James Taylor and the background, I mean, how long do you expect

somebody black to have to deal with that before they fucking flip out? You know? And I just think watching them scream and yell and I noticed over the years, all of a sudden, like the fucking white people on the show, when they would flip out, they started yelling the way the black person yelled. It's been a real weird thing. Like when you, regardless of your background, you know what I mean? You could be like,

you know, the whiteest like, oh, I like, I like, I got cold as I can. Everything was like that. Now, all of a sudden, if you want a reality show and you got into a fight, you'd be like, what's up, bitch? This is my house, bitch. Your fucking head would be rolling all around and shit. I don't fucking get it But anyways Fortunately the only place in Sports fandom that that is seeked into is the California sports can't sports fan the fucking worst The worst I will say though every once in a while when you meet a California sports fan that actually knows the game It's one of the great it's one of the great fucking moments that you can have in this, this state. Like I stopped going to sports bars. I stopped like if I go to a game, I don't wear any sports pair of finalea, I just don't. I don't do, I

mean, look at the, what the fuck they did out here? They, they, they fuck goddamn Dodger fans. You got a dad with his, with his kids beating to the point where he's permanently brain damaged. Fucking baseball bitch. That's just, I don't get it. Don't fucking get it. So it doesn't surprise me that she said that I love that LeBron stopped and glared at her and she was able to be like, oh, that's not a fucking hologram.

That's actually a real person. Hologram the right word. I was like halfway through that sentence and said, don't say it, Bill, don't say it. I'm gonna try a new word. I hope it's right. So anyways, the fucking Golden State Warriors, I actually watched the game and I watched that kid there with his chew toy, his little pacifier coming out of his mouth every two

seconds. I don't give a fuck that he does that and it drives me up the fucking wall. That's that is one of the greatest shooters of all time. I was actually sitting at the bar with a buddy of mine and he was saying that guy is the greatest shooter in NBA history and I was like, whoa, whoa, a, oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I know he's having a hell of a year. I know he's had a hell of a couple of years. I said, listen. All right. Larry Bird made players from the oppose. He was having a game. He was shooting so well. Players on the opposing team when he hit like his 50th fucking three pointer of the game, it seemed they fell off the bench. The coach

of the other team had to scold his players to stop cheering on this guy who was killing him on the other team. All right. So out of respect, filerie legend, out of respect for Kobe Bryant, I've never seen a guy have two or three guys hanging on him from beyond the arc and do a turnaround jumper and it fucking goes in more than that guy. However, how ever I will say this, if Curry plays at this level for the next like for five years straight, he, without a doubt, he's the greatest shooter I've ever seen in my life. I'd never seen a guy hit three's the way the guy hits three's.

I mean, I like Larry Bird, Reggie Miller, they've had those games, but it's just this guy is like unconscious every fucking game. I've never seen Reggie Miller. They've they've had those games, but it just this guy is like unconscious Every fucking game. I've never seen anything like it and watching LeBron Carrying this team. I mean, I'm not how you can tell the you can tell I don't really know this fucking sport, but like watching what that guy's doing with that team man Putting that team on his back dude like just how much that can remember that guy a few years ago He was that guy who didn't want the ball at the end of the game and now he's just he's this fucking beast and for that fucking lady to be at what's like to be a punk ass but what the fuck are you talking

about? I wish he turned around with the walk away and he took like his eight foot arm and just reached and grabbed the back of her bride and went right he couldn't have done that what a center flying over eight rows but if ever it would have been deserved, I would think so. And I have been watching the Stanley Cup final, the Stanley Cup final, the NBA finals, Stanley Cup final. You know, I actually think that somebody corrects me on that every fucking year.

And I'm always just like, I'm just at that old age now. I'm just like, I say it all, I say it. I've been watching that one. And I think the Blackhawks winning that game five just won the series, going back to Chicago. That's really not, I'm not going out on a limb. But there's that amazing thing when you see a truly great team that's going to win a number of championships, their ability to step up in the moments and their ability to know how to win a game that's

lost. They stole that fucking game five. No, no, they didn't know the time. They stole that game four. Was they the one they stole? I think they stole game four. Game five, game five was when the fucking Tampa just kept fucking up on their own end. They fucking the goalie and the defenseman run into each other. They look like Pee Wee hockey and

they had so many giveaways in their own fucking end. I just I don't know. I bet as a Tampa fan your heart had to sink when that fucking happened considering every goddamn game has been a one goal game That the fact that you give up an easy one like that you must be thinking that that's like being down like three goals in this series But anyways, it's been an amazing thing and if If Chicago wins three in the last six years man I would say that they are the new Detroit Red Wings and I mean that as a highest compliment because the Red Wings had that run for like 10, 11 years where every time you thought, you know, they're stars like, okay,

Iserman's getting older, right? This is done. They just have that next fucking superstar step in. And they just fucking knew how to win. And I don't, I'm a big fan of dynasties. I like, I like seeing like, I don't I'm a big fan of dynasties. I like I like seeing like I don't like this team wins next year this team wins next team This team wins like you you need you need dynasties so you have like that Those timeless players you know what I mean? Like as much as people you know Who play against the black cox all the fucking time say like Vancouver fans who probably hate the fucking black cox right or

Minnesota fans St. Louis Blues fans, it's much to hate him. You got to admit, even now, Jonathan tapes, he's the fucking man. You get after. I'm gonna give a fuck. I don't give a shit if you bleed your fucking team's collar. You just, there's no way we're under. So anyways, I'm gonna watch that game tonight and I actually think that Chicago closes them up. However, I am gonna be rooting for Tampa because I don't have a dog in this fucking fight And I don't want the hockey season to end. I'd like it to go seven games

And by the way, I think this is the been the best NBA finals and Stanley Cup finals like in the same year in a long time And it's been fucking great. So I'm glad I'm back in the country here where I can actually watch this shite. And speaking of which... oh, I gotta go to the... no, I can go to these yet. Did anybody see Hillary Clinton's fucking speech? Wish you went up to a Dresden Democrat blue? Oh my god. At the risk of burning a bit, because I'm definitely gonna talk about this, to sit there and watch her, talking about rich people. When her and her husband go to that build a burgl, fucking meeting every year, with the world's richest fucking people, most powerful military people,

and most powerful political people, all get together and decide how they're gonna carve up the country, the fucking world this year. She's at that fucking meeting and she's sitting there talking about the work and man. And I can't see you guys in work. If you guys can't work. Whatever the fuck she said. I'm going to get you guys some jobs and everybody's like, yeah, you dumb little flag. I don't, she's literally making fun of the super rich. It's like, Hillary, how are you gonna get into office? You were a senator.

What does that pay? A couple hundred grand a year. This fucking job costs a hundred million to get Cost a hundred million to get to then make like four hundred grand a year as president Right how to fuck you gonna get that job? from what regular Joe's $25 contribution to your fucking campaign or These fucking cuts the rich the exact rich cuts that you're talking about is how you're gonna

Be fucking president you're gonna all of them favors and you're gonna do exactly what the fuck they tell you so you can get a Second term and in the end When your fucking president sees over you're then gonna go around the country and give speeches for a million dollars a night Nobody's worth a million a night, but you're gonna get paid a million dollars a night And you're gonna go right back Speaking to the people who put you into fucking office and they're gonna give you a million dollars Is they don't even fucking listen to you? Right because they don't give a fuck all they're doing is washing their bribe money and

Okay If you can't fucking see that and you're going to sit there and vote for a Democrat or a Republican, I can't, I can't even have a fucking conversation with you. And the people who sit there and say, if you vote for the libertarian fucking guy or whatever that you throw in your vote away, I, you're not, you're not. All you're going to get, it doesn't make a difference who wins, the Democrat or the Republican. You're gonna get the exact same shit fucking sandwich. It might be a little to the left, a little to the fucking right,

but it's gonna be the exact same shit sandwich because those rich cuts have money on both horses. So no matter what, they win, right? So, the fucking, if you vote for somebody outside of that, all you're doing is encouraging more people that there's hope that you can maybe somehow undo this fucking situation. I don't know, I actually think that it's fucking over. I don't think that it's possible.

You know, it's so fucking depressing though to watch people once again Once again, I'm gonna sit there and listen to a candidate who's a Democrat or a Republican Make these stupid ass fucking promises and they lose their fucking minds Thinking that it's actually gonna change their lives for the better You know, I know I'm sorry. I know that's fucking super depressing. That's just what I think so anyways Let's get into the the questions here for the week All right, and if you listen to these questions, I'm gonna get Joe six pack of fucking All right, French listeners Hey, Bill, I thought I'd let you know we appreciate your acts and think you're doing a good job. I live in Paris France

Oh shit look at this. And yes, you're right. We're mostly assholes to people, whether they come for France or abroad. And I don't think you guys are assholes. You guys treated me nice. Currently with a couple of friends, currently with a couple of friends, having a good time listening to your ranch slash jokes. And since I've been following you for a few months, I said to myself, let the guy know, you enjoy his jokes. Well, I appreciate that. So there you have it. You have to come to, you have some French listener,

idiots over here that enjoy your show. Please keep it up. Have a drink with some French people at some point and go fuck yourself at another. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Well, I'll tell you, I'm gonna do a show in France at some point. I actually already talked to my To my agent about it There was a theater over in the the cease already these mall

I Think it was called the Odeon the Odeon theater There's a stop called the Odeon on the Metro. This is a theater the Odeon. The Odeon Theater is a stop called the Odeon on the Metro. This is a theater. The Odeon Theater in Paris and Gapatti, there it is, Odeon Theater. It's a fucking 800 cedar. How do you say that? How do you say 800 in French in French?

Wheat salt Wheat salt is old is Wait, I remember I fucking see salt It's what's all that is I don't fucking fucking remember Do do do you got listen to French talk radio? I love that because over here when you listen to the English ones that go in like, um, to, to, to, to, to, to do what you need to do here. Don't you see you have to, um, um, like, you know, that fucking dragon. And I was trying to come up with your thoughts, right? Put your thoughts together over there.

They go like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, jibadib, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, uh, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, double, Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Zubba Z the Ru Corniel and the Caesar, these mo' of patty, on the left bank of the Thene. Next to Luxembourg Garden. I know where that is. I just love that I know where that is. It was originally built between 1779 and 1782, right? Back before, Pondicle Board, nail guns took you a little while to build something. In the garden at the former Hotel deoncated to a neoclassical

blah blah blah blah the theater was inaugurated wait a second this is what I love here it was reopened in eight it burned in 1818 everything fucking burned down back then it was all made out of wood you didn't have any fire hydrants and some jerk off comes in and drops his cigarette down. Second of a blue, right? Throws the fucking thing down and all of a sudden. And everybody's just like, run for your lives! Right?

And the whole thing fucking burns down. They got the bucket brigade trying to pee on the fire. And then they just like, God damn it. All right, let's rebuild it. And they start all over again. That's why they weren't in great shape back then. The building and rebuilding of shit that burned down and their fucking food wasn't gee, genetically altered.

That right there, that is a recipe for a six pack. So anyways, that is my goal. I want to do a show there. Nears already giving me shit, you know, because I'm a fucking workaholic and she's giving me shit going like Can that just be like the one city where you know we just hang out? You know we have some us time, you know, which she's so fucking right But I'm a guy so I'm gonna fuck that up. I thought I finally got it. I think I finally get being in a relationship and How to keep a woman happy believe it or not?

I Think I finally get it. I don't know how to explain it to you because it's like embarrassing because it involves feelings and Listening and being respectful because it involves feelings and listening and being respectful. And all you women right now who went like, you see, that's a two way street. All right, it's a fucking two way street. So anyways, I don't give a fuck. I'm still going to play over there. Come on, man, to have a show show in Paris if AC DC can play in Paris

You know what I mean? They can't you know There's no fucking way I can sit there and not want to play that place. I love AC DC you know Pond Scott when it was last fucking shows he plays in Paris. I got a I got a fucking I don't give a shit if Caron people fucking show up Right, I don't give a shit of Caron people fucking show up Right, and I'll give a fuck I'm gonna do it I'll be like look. It's one fucking show. It's one show. She'll give it. She's a sweetheart So anyways, that's nice that I got so I actually got some letters here from people in from France

And they're actually helping me with my French all right the French correction from a lady That's fucking great. Hey Billy boy. I'm listening to your last Thursday afternoon Monday morning podcast And I have to correct you about your French insults. Oh by all means I Don't want to be like Roman Moroni you fucking bestages. That's a fucking quick question And next one of you fucking ice hose that something remember that it's gonna have his fucking bells His fucking bells in his sling. You corksucker. Jesus, the mouth of that guy. Roman Moroni is one of my favorite characters of all time.

It's in Johnny Dangerously. He's an immigrant and he has a potty mouth, but he mispronounces all of the curses. So I don't want to, I don't want to be the Roman Moroni of, of, of, of, of France. So anyways, she says, I'm listening to your last Thursday afternoon, Monday morning podcast just before Friday. Just, yeah, you know, you, and I have to correct you about your French insults. If you want to say, fuck your mother, we usually say, Vanica, I'm really nervous about N.I. Q.U. ER Like that could be like I could accidentally say the N word there or say something homophobic because the N kind of looks like queer

Nick where Funny queer a man you got to help me out. Can you sound spell that so I don't fuck it up say that instead of Bossaire is preferred here. Um, about this is bullshit about something a better translation will be, uh, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, I'm married. This is shit. I like that better than this is bullshit. This is shit. You get it right to us. Say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say,

say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, say, translation is to reconte de Conare. I know I stink. I got to get the risetta stone here. And in the last one, employed, very employed in France. Let's see, look at that trying to, it's fucking up the English here. I guess this means used a lot in France. It's spesa de conard. I hope I'm saying that first word, right, which I'm probably not.

When the person in front of you is the biggest asshole that you've ever met in your life. What does it mean? Conard, is that pig? You fucking pig or that means you're an asshole. Oh, it's two ends. I don't know. Well, thank you, Sabrina. Hey, by the way, you guys, anybody French listening to this, if you can help me out with anything,

just like, uh, new and alone, Bruce, we're going to brunch. I learned that yesterday, right? We were going to go to brunch because I had like, you know, I'm trying to fucking be a better husband here. So I'm just like, all right, this is your ESPN sports zone. Let's go to fucking brunch. And, um, oh my God, what a shit show. Brunch is the dumbest fucking thing ever. Let's go to breakfast when everybody else

is going to breakfast so we can all, you just see these fucking people as you're driving over there, all these breakfast places, but you're not going to them and you just see all of these people just standing outside, sitting on benches, staring at their fucking iPhones. You know what I mean? And considering breakfast is the easiest fucking meal to make.

You can't scramble up some eggs yourself while your wife makes some pancakes. You can go make yourself a grand slam breakfast. You guys can sit around, right? Somebody's got the R shoe. She got some music playing. And guess what? There's a table. The kitchen table.

No waiting, right? But not something they want to do Want to fucking go out everybody look at their outfits Everybody look at the fucking outfits So anyways, all right, so they've got one from Manchester, England here man. Chester, England bill I'm a big fan from across the pond as you Yankees. You like to say Not Yankees Yankees Don't call Yankees all right. I'm red suckses, all right, I'm Red Sox, you know,

Stanmy, I was wondering if you, I was wondering if you ever consider filming a special of say's, preferably in England. Thanks for the laughs you can't. You fucking out, every day I was here, be miserable hell of, I don't know, that was the thing used to go. Don't make me laugh every count with a long face. What I ever considered doing a special overseas Yeah, I was actually considering doing one in France just doing it in French

And just putting the fucking thing out and then I could actually do the same one in English Somewhere else I'd have two different fucking specials. I wouldn't give a fuck if a bunch of them English-speaking countries saw the French one. They're not even going to know what I'm talking about because they don't speak French for the most part. And that's the way we get a little two for one there. You know what I mean? Right there. Like right there, the way I'm thinking comedically is I am thinking the way Home Depot thinks like, how can we take those two employees, make them one and get the same job done and we make more fucking money. That's what I'm doing.

You know, I'm being a bit of a, I'm being a, I'm being a little shaky. What I consider doing one over there, I don't know. I don't know if I get you guys enough that I would do that. I would tell you this, though, I really enjoyed doing one last time down south. I think what everybody seems to like to do is to get in front of their own people because you don't want to get heckled or anything, but I think there's some fun that is lost when you stand up in front of a room that's all you. I think you want a little back and forth. Personally, I've always enjoyed people yelling out to me.

I don't give a shit if someone yells out to me. If you're just being an asshole and just trying to dis-rub the fucking show, obviously that's annoying, but I say a lot of stupid shit on stage, so it doesn't surprise me. You know, when I'm talking about the wage gap that some woman yells at me when I'm in the crowd. And then to be honest with you, I really want to hear what she has to say, because I'm trying to learn something about it, because I don't have to deal with that shit. And the only way I can hear that is through my own fucking man ears.

So it's good to hear her fucking perspective. So I don't consider that a heckle. I consider it a conversation. So getting back to that, to go to England, I would probably say some shit deliberately to get you guys going, because what's the fun? What the fuck is the purpose of me going over to England if I'm not going to give you guys going because what's the fun? What the fuck is the purpose of me going over to England if I'm not going to give you guys a little bit of shit and then you give me a little shit back and then we all fucking laugh right?

So maybe that could be a good idea, sir. That might be a good idea. I don't know, I would definitely consider it. I would consider it, you know, I'd run that up the flagpole. All right, let me do the last little bits of advertising here. And then I'll answer your last questions you guys can get on with your life. All right, stamps.com, everyone. Making trips to the post office is becoming a thing of the past.

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here dilemma billy bird would you rather play 15 seasons in a professional sport and win zero rings or win one year rookie year and suffer a career entering injury the next? Oh, Jesus. Now, I'll take the 15 seasons. I'll take the money and put the rest on a gift certificate. Now, I would rather as much as you want to win a championship, there's also playing for the love of the game. You know, and there's also, I think, I think most athletes would choose playing 15 seasons because you want to play.

You know, you also, if you're going to fuck up your body, I don't want just one fucking, you know, what kind of contract did I get my rookie year? I mean, if I had a shit contract, I was on that team and I got my ring and then I blow out my knee the next year, I'm working at the fucking, I'm doing landscaping. And people, yeah, you're, you're, you are playing a Super Bowl. And I look at your trimming hedges. You know, that would be a motherfucker. You know, I would take a while to get over that emotionally. You know, like I bet he, you know, what's his face there for the Broncos?

I was at the game too when he suffered his career in injury. Torell Davis, I was at that, every time Torell Davis, I was at that game. Every time you guys had that, I was at that game. I was doing some college gigs out in Colorado. And as always, I always try to build the road around something beyond just doing stand-up. So you get a feel for that part of the country. And one of the big things for me was always going to sporting events. So this was they were still in mile high

stadium. They had just won back-to-back titles. John L. Wade retired, right? I always wanted to played one more year if they could have got three. But you know Torell got hurt. But what if Torell got hurt if John was playing? What do they have passed on that play? Who knows? Anyway, so they were playing the jets, J-E-T-S jets and that's when Bill Parcels was there and he was building a monster. on that play. Who knows? Anyway, so they were playing the Jets, J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets. And that's when Bill Parcells was there, and he was building a monster. And they were going to win their first Super Bowl. They were one of the favorites to go to the Super Bowl at the beginning of the year. So I, you know, I saw that they were going to be playing

the Denver Broncos in Mile High Stadium, like the fifth week of the season or something like that. And lo and behold, John Alway is not playing. It was supposed to be playing the Denver Broncos in Mile High Stadium, like the fifth week of the season or something like that. And lo and behold, John Alway is not playing. It was supposed to be at this great fucking matchup. The Broncos were o and four. The jets that year, Vinny Testiverty blew out as the killies ten in the first game of the year. And that's when Kishon cried, right?

There's no way to give me the damn ball. I'm not quite about it. And that's when Kishon cried right? No, that's my quarterback was that other guy that I don't know to take that's my quarterback You don't talk about that back quarterback So the jets were Owen for so it was two fucking Owen four teams and I showed up and there was like nobody there The scalpers had a mountain of fucking tick I bought a ticket for fucking face value I could have probably got it for less but you know I'm not one of those people it's like I do you'll break even here go give you fucking money and I went to the game and and that was the game at Torrell Davis unfortunately one of the would have been I still think he is one of the great fucking running backs of all time and

I mean, I can't imagine what that guy had to go through emotionally after winning two rings and Just wondering what might have been I think despite winning the championships and knowing what that feels like I Think the equal to that high would be the low of what could have been. And you know, and when he's watching all of those greatest running backs of all time, he's left off that list a lot because he doesn't have, because what people do in those arguments is they immediately go to the Almanac and they go, all right, Emmett Smith has 17,000 fucking yards.

You know, they look at Dickerson, Walter fucking yards, you know, they look dicker said Walter Payton, fucking Jim Brown, OJ Simpson. They go through all of those guys and they're looking because their career numbers are up there. And then guys who got hurt, Barry Sanders, you know, Barry Sanders, who would I think is the greatest running back of all time, the greatest one that I ever saw. I would say the most complete I ever saw was Walter Peyton. I'd say the most devastating, just of speed and power that was a precursor to Bo Jackson was Earl Campbell. Bo Jackson was like a faster but I would say not as strong as Earl Campbell. That's how big Earl

Campbell was by the way. Bo Jackson and Barry Sanders, I would say those four were the best that I ever saw. But then as far as just effortless, the greatest, just most beautiful runner I ever saw was Eric Dickerson. Eric Dickerson didn't even look like he had to try. He just looked like he was jogging. And you couldn't even, you couldn't understand why people couldn't catch up to him. Oh man, that just makes me fucking, that was football back then. I fucking, I dude, that's the greatest thing. Have you realized I grew up,

started watching sports in the late 70s, and I got to see all of the late 70s in the 80s, like the golden age of football was in the 70s. I got to see the end of that and then the result of it, the West Coast offense, air Coriel, all of that damn marino and all those guys come of age in the 80s. All those great running backs. And meanwhile in hockey, you had fucking Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, those great Edmonton teams. The mystique of the Canadians was still there. I'm not insulting Canadian fans, like it just, the big bad fucking Bruins, it just was fucking amazing. Perfect amount of the greatest goal scores of all time. Fucking Paul Coffey scored like 49-50 goals as a

fucking defenseman was unbelievable. And then there was always a fight like every like period period and a half it was fucking perfect And then at basketball you had Larry bird Magic Johnson that then went into fucking Michael Jordan This is just the fucking 80s and baseball was the one that actually kind of dropped off This is just the fucking 80s. And baseball was the one that actually kind of dropped off during that time. But even though they dropped off, you still had the Wizard of Oz, he smith. You still had Kirk Gibson's home run. You still had the Bash Brothers in the Oakland age, right?

The Yankees dropped off or whatever, but it was still great. Still fucking great. That's like the 80s might be the greatest decade ever if you were just a fucking sports fan and American sports to watch. I'm arguing that right now. I'm saying it might have been the greatest one. It might have been. All right, Walmart fight a Billy birthday boy. How are you? Happy belated birthday. Thank you very much. Just wanted to share with you what I believe to be the finest display of white trash entertainment found on the internet

This video has gone viral and where I Where I live and it's not every day. You see two obese fat fucks duking it out in a Walmart It's two women. I've actually seen this this video and Let's see. What is this? I'm'm sorry I was just making sure that it wasn't in mono again headphones felt weird here for a second. This video has gone viral around where I live. The lady does bring her kid in off the sideline at one point so I guess we can call it a family outing. Anyways just thought you'd have a chuckle and your and

your podcast last Thursday June 11th was one of the greatest ones Thank you. How many stitches make you alright? Thank you. Yeah, I did see this and I actually loved I Know what this says about me. I loved That that little kid took out the shampoo bottle You know always helping out his mom You know, what is the kid supposed to fucking do?

Like that is exactly your mom's losing the fight. You got to jump in there and save your mom. I mean, even if you don't love your mom, that's your ride home. You're fucking seven years old. So, he goes to take the fucking grabs of shampoo bottle. Dude, it was like wrestling back in the day. Captain Luar Bono comes in with a foreign object. Now in the ref didn't see it. I guess people got upset because some were telling the kid not to do it and then

one woman was saying telling the kid to do it and I agreed with her because if you're just gonna stand there and you're not gonna break up the fight, you know, I don't know. I think everybody's guilty at that point. I actually thought it was great, and I actually thought that that kid could have swung the bottle a little harder. I would have liked to see that kid get a little more torque. He needed to twist his body. He went more with like hammer fist motion, which I understand because UFC is really popular. But you know, if he got one of those, one of those baseball videos,

you know how to swing a bat correctly, you know, they broke it down into the three fucking movements, he got that thing going on. He would have knocked it out. I just love that one of them drives up in like one of those fucking motor cars because they can't fucking walk. So you're thinking

like, oh, maybe you have some sort of disease, maybe you're paralyzed. I don't know what the fuck's going on with you, but, you know, I respect that you're in that thing and I'm going to get out of the way and all of a sudden she fucking stands up like some preacher put his hand on her forehead and turns out she's fine. And she's fighting and shit. So it really came that that was the most fascinating thing to me. It's like so why are you in that motorized car? Are you just fucking lazy? Or are you a genius? Because I got to admit you ever seen those motorized cars? Those things can fucking fly. And there is an expression why stand up when you can sit down why sit down when you can lie down

Why walk when you can drive? You know all you got to do is lay off the donuts and you're crushing it Anyways, I don't know what to tell you all right. That's the podcast for this fucking week. I'll put the link up for that I don't have any any crazy predictions for the finals. I think that they're gonna go the way that they're gonna go. You know, I think Chicago's gonna win the cup and I think Sacramento's gonna win the title. And I'm happy for the fucking warriors men if they win.

And I'll be happy for the Cavaliers that they fucking win. I really like both of those teams, both those organizations and stuff. I just like, you know what I mean? Neither one of us wanted for fucking ever. You really can't, if you're a true sports fan, you know, you got to be happy for either one. And then as far as the Stanley Cup goes, I'd love to see Tampa win because I'm a huge Steve

Ihrzeman fan. And I just, I've said this before, I just like Tampa in general. I like the double race. I still call him a double race. Fucking pussy's down there. If we say devil race, does that mean that we lock the devil? Can we just call him the race? I mean, I'm getting nervous. Shit, I live on a houseboat out in Clearwater, Florida. I'm just regular, man. I don't think I don't think I'm going to say it. for more so. Two sides Black

And blue And who knows which is which? The reason I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch Oh, oh, oh, oh I'm done And in the end, next song, round and round, good round. I hope you hope it's a battle of war It's the cost of our life It's the sun, the sun and the land with the colors Move for you

And so I'm in the middle of the church, so I think I can go to the church, show, show, show, play I'm going to give it a guy, you get number, come on, I'm not, I'm going to give it a pressure on you, I'm going to give it a score, I'm going to give it a score, I'm going to give it a good man, he's going to go, snap, you're going to go, hey, Hey. Hey. I'm gonna go home. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I know It can't be helped, but there's a larger vision about With With... Without... And who denied? It's one of the fighting's all about

Out of the way, the Christ of Jesus Christ, Amen. you