Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 6-25-20

Episode Date: June 25, 2020

Bill rambles about cruise ships, colleges, and running out of stuff to do.

COVID-19 doesn't hit every community the same. Many of us have had COVID and no people who have gone to the hospital. Some never came back. Truth is, our community deserves better. Better resources we can trust to protect ourselves. A good start is talking to our friends and family about getting vaccinated or boosted.

Find out more we can do at covid-resources.org or call 877-904-5097. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. I just realized why am I checking in on you? I mean, I used to check in on you

just to see how your work week was going, you know? I pop in, how's it going? How's the old fucking, you know, that chatty fucking chick down the way and everybody's fucking business? Did you have to go to fucking age? Yeah! You know?

I check in on you. I see how you were doing, but you know what? You're living my life now. You're home. You ain't working, right? You know, all of us fucking douchebags and show business, we don't fucking work, right? We just fucking sit around

and then we make your videos telling you how you can be better people, right? Yeah, that's right. You know why? Because you're the good person. You're the good person. I love the internet. I don't give a fuck what your message is.

I don't give a shit what you say. You are gonna get a fucking trashing. Hey everybody, I take responsibility for my part in polluting the oceans and I will try to consume less and recycle. Shut the fuck up, you fucking celebrity cunt! He's against pollution. Listen, we've all been cooped up now.

We've been cooped up for a while, you know? And some of us are stronger than others and can handle this shit. Other people cannot. Other people, what do they do? What do they do? They gotta stick their head out of the rabbit hole. Well, it's almost over.

I think it's time to open it up. Nice going everybody. Everybody who had to walk around and be like this virus thing is designed to take down Trump. Everybody saying Trump came up with the fucking thing. You know, do you ever think that there's just seven billion cunts on the planet

and eventually someone was gonna eat something or fuck something and sneeze on somebody else? We all knew this was coming. How the fuck you can politicize a goddamn disease is fucking beyond me. And if you really think that it came from the red or the blue side, I gotta tell you, if this is what you guys are saying,

some of you guys are saying, if this is what this is, did this one come from Democrats or Republicans? It come above that. Above that, whatever's above that. Like beyond oil companies, I would never say beyond banks, okay? Because that is the top of the food chain, okay?

Everybody, they always say as you become successful. I'll tell you right now, the higher up you go, there's still gonna be a dick in your ass because there's still somebody above you. There's always gonna be somebody. But there is a level, you know? When you go on that journey of power and you just keep trying to get up,

what is the level where I don't have a dick in my ass? At what point is my money coming straight to me? And it doesn't go through nine other fucking people and then I get paid with a check with that person's name on it rather than the person that the money initially came. When does that happen? And I'll tell you when that happens.

When you reach the level where you decide, all right, we need to do something about the world population. In my hand, I have a virus. In my other hand, I have the cure. I am going to release this, but not before. Everyone at this table gets inoculated. I want you to all sit back, I want you to trust me.

Everybody sits back, right? They fucking get inoculated. Is that the right fucking word? I don't know, I'm not at that table. And then that's it. Does everybody feel fine? Everybody has the antibodies, wonderful. And then they just take the little glass thing off.

The birds are away. It's not coming from the president, all right? And it's not aimed at the president. The president, I've said for years, you know the president is, the president is basically that person when your flight's delayed, you know, that poor person has to stand behind the counter and get yelled at, that's what the president is.

You know, it's not the guy who owns the fucking airline. It's the person wearing the airline's fucking uniform. And then you get to yell at that person and take out your childhood on them and fucking bitch mode and complain and all of that fucking shit. Because evidently, you wanted to roll the dice with 300 other people's lives

because you wanted to make sure you got to Wichita on time so you could get there for the fucking, I don't know, the bake sale, whatever the fuck you wanted to do. You know, I've been guilty of that shit when they delay a flight, you fucking, I always think it's a conspiracy. I know what's going on here.

The fucking plane was only half full and you weren't gonna eat it. So now you're gonna say there's a fucking light out and yadda yadda yadda and we're gonna fuck it. I'm not saying they don't do that shit, all right? I remember a long time ago when I worked a cruise ship, the one and only time I ever worked a cruise ship. And I'll tell you, it was sweet money.

I took the gig, the lady, the lady literally called me and said, hey, a friend of yours does these cruise ships and he recommends you. And I said, that's amazing. In my head, I'm like, I need this money, but I fucking told them. I fucking told them. I said, I'm not sure I have a cruise ship act.

And they said to me, no, no, no, this is the young fucking cool crowd. You know, all those fucking kids doing the meth and the fucking Molly, whatever their drugs are in this genre, they love taking fucking cruises. And I'm thinking like 80 year olds, they like doing that. Yeah, yeah, they fucking love it, right? So, you know, probably if I really thought about it,

I knew it was a lie, but I needed the money. I needed the money, man, right? I mean, look at you, man, my fucking legs don't work, man. So I was just like, fuck it, I'm gonna do it, okay? So I take the fucking gig. And of course it's a bunch of fucking old people. And of course I ate my balls. And of course the captain wrote a letter to the agency

and I never fucking worked again in the crew. He actually did me a favor because when I did this cruise ship, this was at least, it was about 18 years. I did about 2002, it was fucking like 18 years ago. Jesus Christ. And I was bombing so bad, I was just trying to make the band laugh behind the curtain. So once you start playing in the band, you know,

it's a wrap, okay? The gig's over and all that type of shit. I remember the guy, smiley guy who was fucking hosting the thing was going like, hey, you know, afterwards it was like this fucking dinner or some shit. And all the acts, me, the juggler, I swear to God, the juggler whose fucking joints were all blown out from juggling.

And I remember he was, he had this big fucking book on real estate, he was getting his real estate license. And I was just going like, I have never been further away from the Hollywood dream than I am right now. I am out in the middle of the fucking ocean. All right, it was really the Gulf of Mexico, but it felt like the ocean to me, all right? I don't understand how that's not a fucking ocean.

Okay, cause from space, I can see that it's surrounded by land, that's the fucking ocean, all right? The goddamn Lake Michigan. The second you can't see fucking Michigan anymore, you're in the ocean, all right? I don't mind a lake cause there's no shacks in there, all right? But I am vain enough to be annoyed with the fact that if I go under in a lake,

they're never gonna find my body, all right? Cause the water is never cold enough for whatever the fucking happens in your gut after you die to make you a fucking float up. Right? You're going under and that's it, that is fucking it. They're never gonna see you again. So, yeah, I was like, I've never been further away

from my dream of somehow getting in at the comedy store and being in movies and fucking whatever the fuck I wanted. I didn't remember what I wanted to do. Selling out clubs or some shit. So these guys were all getting like their fucking real estate licenses, right? Or at least that one guy was. So the guy's smiley guy, I swear,

I know I've told this story before. At some point I must have told this story. I mean, this is how old the crowd was. He was coming out and he was starting the show. He's like, hey, everybody, how's it going? The little band's playing and shit. And he's like, all right, everybody, he goes, if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

And they did. And that's when I started, that's when the beads of sweat started forming on my forehead. Going like, this is not what the fuck I was told that it was. And now I'm gonna get fucking bagged. I'm gonna get fucking yelled at and all of this fucking shit. And I told them, I fucking said, hey,

I don't think I'm the guy for this fucking gig. So whatever, I get out there, I'm doing my shit. Hey, has anybody seen the movie Titanic? Nothing in the crowd. So, you know, is it a joke? I go, all right, let me rephrase that. How many of you people were on the Titanic? They're like, oh, they're fucking,

you know, dentures falling out and shit, right? I'll tell you what kills me, that was 17 years ago. And now I look at those people and now I'm about probably about 13 years younger than the oldest person in the fucking crowd. And that's how quick it goes. So I eat my balls all fucking week. What is this getting to?

I'm getting to the correlation between what the airlines do sometimes, not all the time. Most times I think they're trying to save your life. And then other times, you know, jet fuel is expensive. So they're gonna say, yeah, you know, it smells like shit too much in the aft bathroom, you know? They throw in one of those fucking aviation terms, aft, you know, inside the cabin, expedite, you know?

I don't think that's a fucking word. I think they just gave that word for fucking stewardesses so they could sound like they're running shit. Post 9-11, pre 9-11, they never tried to expedite the boarding process. You were too busy trying to get your shit faced. Why do I have this loud leather couch? I don't know, I don't know why.

It makes me feel like a man, okay? There, I said it. So anyway, I hate my balls. And then I sort of figured out what I had to do. The little song and dance I could do, you know, I was fucking going back to some cleanies that I had or whatever, and I got myself through it. And this guy, oh, you gotta meet all these fucking people.

You know, these are the big wigs that are on the ship who fucking book all the ships. And I'm thinking like, dude, I don't wanna get a real estate license. Okay, I wanna get on fucking TV. And by the way, there was no internet connection, no cell phone, no fucking nothing. You went out to sea and your loved ones

did not hear about you. They'd watch the news every night to see if the fucking ship went on it, right? And when it didn't make news, they're like, well, I mean, I guess it didn't sink or they're in the process of it right now. And they're going through, they've probably seen their first shark at this point,

hoping the hypothermia kicks in and numbs them from the neck down before that thing comes up and takes a, what do they call that thing, the test bite little, you know, they try a little little tapas, see what that tastes like. Yeah, that's kind of edible, you know, that's when you wanna be near a fatty,

somebody nice and fucking marbled, right? Like a fucking cowboy steak. But anyway, I learned on that thing, the musicians on there told me one time they were on a cruise ship and they got two giant fucking engines, right? And one of them fucking crapped out. So obviously they could only go half as fast.

So they weren't gonna be able to make all three stops on the fucking, on the little cruise, right? So what they said, cause they didn't wanna own up to it because then they'd have to owe money, what they said was that there was a fucking hurricane in, what's one of those fucking, what's that city all the whores used to go to

down in Mexico, you know, come back with their fucking hair braided, all the white chicks would come back, you know, blew somebody in a fucking cartel, whatever the fuck they did down there. I never understood it, right? They fucking go down there, right? And the fuck was it called?

It was one of those places everybody goes to. I'm too pasty to know the names of these. It wasn't Acapocco. That's as far as he's fucking referenced. It was one of my favorite things he ever said, Acapoco. He talked about it like it was still the place to go to. Let me see here. It began with a fucking A.

It's like a fucking destination. People go there. All I know is Cabo Wabo fucking, the Red Rockers place there. Sammy Hager. I forget, it was one of these fucking places that people want to go to. It was sort of the jewel on the beautiful place, right?

It was Cozumel, New Orleans, and then they were supposed to go where? No, no, well, that's not Aruba. I don't give a fuck. It was some fucking gorgeous place in Mexico, right? They said that there was a fucking hurricane. And there's no internet. There's no cell service.

Nobody, you know, can fact check this shit. So long story short, somebody has some sort of medical episode, all right? And the nearest port is the port where they said that there was a fucking hurricane. So they ended up having to go there and they pulled in and it was a bright, sunny fucking day. And there's like five other cruise ships already there.

And they totally got busted and everybody got fucking pissed. And then I think they just gave out free hot fudge Sundays to those fat fucks. And everybody went into a diabetic coma. And by the time they got to Cozumel, they couldn't even remember anymore. Something like that.

As telling that story, I'm like, well, why wouldn't they just fly a fucking helicopter out there? I don't know, I don't know. But that was the story that was told to me. So I don't know if that makes any fucking sense. Speaking of which, me being on the wrong gigs, I've been cleaning up my office here,

going through all kinds of shit, actually taking out photos that I took years and years ago when I used to have the disposable cameras. And I got like photo albums and I'm trying to put them all away and everything. And I've just come across some shit that I have not seen in fucking like two decades. And one of the things, I actually posted it.

I'm reaching it forward here. I posted it on my Instagram. You know, not really thinking because the woman's full name was on it. And so I want to clear her name here. I was doing this gig. I'm not even gonna say where. I should have blocked out her last name.

I wasn't fucking thinking. It just struck me as so funny. And I literally remembered when somebody handed me this fucking note. Oh my God, the name of the college is on the back of this fucking thing. Are you fucking, that's where I was? Holy shit, I thought I was in Colorado.

Ah, they all run together. So anyway, I had to do a nooner. Now a nooner, if you're new to this podcast is literally, it's a college show. It's just a stand up show in the middle of the day. It's not necessarily a 12 noon. It's usually around one o'clock. And at colleges, that means you're gonna be performing

in a cafeteria. If you're lucky, a room off of a cafeteria. And you're gonna come in and do a late night set in the middle of these fucking 18 to 22 year old kids trying to eat grilled cheese sandwiches, write a paper or whatever the fuck they're doing. They are hell gigs. And I used to have to play like a game mentally.

I would have to go somewhere mentally when I would immediately walk in and I would just think in an hour, I'm gonna have my check and I'll be in my car and I'm gonna leave. And no matter how fucking humiliating this is, I'm never gonna see these fucking people again. And I'm gonna have my 700 bucks, which was huge

before taxes, of course, but by the end of all the bullshit in the travel and everything was probably like, 175 bucks. But what you do is if you had another gig later on that night, okay, then you were doubling up. So you took the fucking humiliation because you needed the fucking money, right? And after every, I would say 99% of my Nooner gigs

as I was driving away, I was already on my flip phone, late 90s, early 2000s cell phone, calling my agent and I was saying, dude, I'm never fucking doing one of those again that was most fucking humiliating. And they would sit there going, yep, yep, okay, okay. I get it, I get it. I mean, it's up to you, it's up to you, right? And then like a week later, he'd be booking me on some more

and be like, now listen, I know you said that you did wanna do Nooners, but it's my job to bring you all offers, okay? You're making this amount of money, but I can add $700 for it, which will pay for your flight and all your travel and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I would just be like, you know, I just fuck, just book me, book me before I say no, right?

Then he would book me and then I would go up and I would eat my balls and I would, and it would just be like, you know, and then I would bitch him out. Now, that was how it went. That was how it went, okay? And as much as I'm sounding like the asshole in that story, the agent knew that it was part of him getting the commission

that if I was gonna go up to him, humiliate himself, myself, he was gonna have to listen to me fucking bitch, moan and complain about it. He got his money, I got my money, and then whenever we would hang out, we would just laugh about it. So anyway, so I'm at this fucking college that I thought was in Colorado.

And the only reason why I'm not telling you the name, because the name of the lady's out there and I feel really bad about it, but I already posted the fucking thing on Instagram. So I go up to do this fucking nooner, all right? And I went up there, guns a-blazing. It was a packed fucking house of people walking around with no fucking clue that there's gonna be a show.

I get the typical fucking intro where it's just somebody saw Spockly on a comedy show, VH1, I love VH, please welcome Bill Burr. And then I would just have to fucking walk out. And then they're like, hey, how's everybody doing? And then they're looking at me like, what the fuck is going on? And you would literally do three jokes

before they even understood what was going on. And then of course, there'd be the class clowns, and I was immediately the substitute teacher, and then they'd get going, and then I would have to shut them the fuck up while, for the most part, working clean, all right? So I really had to go hard with what they looked like, you know?

And I don't give a shit, big nose, fat ass, I don't give a fuck what it was. I was going right for the jugular because I still had another fucking 57 minutes. So anyways, I go up there. And you know, in defense of the school, I was judging this gig by all my other nooners because occasionally there was a good nooner.

And I went up there with a chip on both fucking shoulders and just started eviscerating everything. Afraid to even pause because I didn't want to hear the lack of laughter. And I was just like an auctioneer up there blowing through my act and shitting on everything, the state, the school, anything that I could fucking, anything that would get me to not stop talking.

And the funny thing to me, my delusionment, I actually thought I was doing all right. And all I remember was there was this guy, he was walking up, he was walking by, you know, cafeteria, they had the ceiling to floor glass windows, and this guy came walking by, and he had in this sky blue fucking three-piece suit. But he also had on a cowboy hat and these brown boots,

you know, looking like JR Ewing. So I just, I mean, I go, look at this guy out here, Jesus Christ, he looks like he's going to get a, he looks like he's trying to get a loan for a horse, is what I said, right? Which I thought was a decent joke, got nothing, right? And I'm plowing ahead. And all of a sudden this, this kid came walking up

and it might have been the lady who handed it to me and just handed me, I was about 12 minutes in, and it said, can you wrap it up in five minutes? I was just like, I had mixed emotions. Cause I was in my, half of me was like, lady, I'll wrap this up in fucking four minutes. I don't give a fuck. But then I was thinking like, oh,

I'm contractually obligated to do an hour. If I don't do an hour, I'm not getting paid. But I knew it was going bad enough that she was literally in the nicest way ever, you know, given me the hook, like showtime at the Apollo, the Sandman came out. This is the white version. It's a very nice, capitalized dashes,

the whole fucking thing. She let me get out of there respectfully rather than making me take the beating I deserve. So I wrapped it up, all right, you guys been great. Thank you. And I got off and then she actually apologized to me and said, sorry, this was a bad idea, blah, blah, blah. And she gave me my check and everything.

I ended up apologizing. I felt so fucking bad. Cause she was so, if she just read me the riot act and kept the money, here's your fucking check, you godless New York liberal, whatever she would have thought of me back then. But she didn't, she actually gave me the check. So if anybody looks at that, it is funny to get,

I mean, I've never gotten that ever. I only got it once in 28 fucking years. Can you wrap it up five minutes? Yeah. So anyway, anybody who's looking at that, please don't shit on her. I feel bad that her name is out there. I'm not gonna say what state I'm sure she's moved on

as very, but she was a sweetheart about it. And I had way worse. I had, I mean, I remember that time, I worked the religious place, one of those Christian colleges and they said work clean. And to me, clean was don't say shit, fuck, cunt. So I was filling in the F words by taking the Lord's name in vain,

not thinking that this was a Catholic school cause that's how everybody's talking, Jesus Christ, with, you know, I guess they'd be, what the fuck are you doing? But I was saying, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, for Christ's sake, you know, I was doing like Dennis Mill, for Christ's sake, what the fucking quick quake, right? And I got a totally fucking, you know,

reamed out for that fucking bald out, whatever I used to say as kids. When I was a kid. So anyway, it just struck me as funny and had I actually been thinking of, I just knew people would enjoy seeing that and think it was funny, but I wasn't thinking that her fucking name was on there

and I hate doing that to somebody. So my apologies to her, she was a fucking sweetheart and she paid me. So, and apologize for the situation she put me in. And by the end I was apologized and I felt like giving half the fucking money back. But I didn't, you know, I got into my fucking, you know, Chevy Cavalier,

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Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Burr, B-U-R-R, that's stamps.com, enter Burr, stay safe, my friends. All right, so guess what everybody, that troubadour show as promised is going down. This Saturday, I'm gonna record. There will be no crowd, there is no tickets for this.

I will be recording, I'm sorry, maybe Sunday. I think it's Sunday, not Saturday, Sunday. I will be recording at the troubadour. All proceeds from the show. There'll be a donation button, donate anything you can. The troubadour is one of the most legendary live music venues in this country. They're going through a tough time.

There's all this bad stuff, all this negative stuff about people doing stuff to other people, all the fucking, you know, race stuff, all of this shit that's going on. It's just a really, you know, lot of news that just makes you just not like people. You know what I mean? Just how can human beings treat other human beings

this way? There's a lot of that shit going out there. So this is something positive that I'm trying to do in the middle of this thing. I promise I will make a black and white video talking about what a wonderful person I am beforehand. Oh my God, I should do that. But anyways, we're going to videotape it.

I'm going to have autograph posters that you can buy, all of it other than the shipping costs out to you guys. Anything, I'm going to use stamp.com to send it out. All of that shit is going to go to the troubadour and if it goes well and I'm able to raise them some money, which I really hope. So someday when you guys can come to LA, you can see the next great band there

or one of your favorite bands. I mean, everybody from like, I mean, Jackson Brown, Guns N' Roses, Richard Pryor, Steve Martin, all of these people that I love have all played there, all broke out of that place or whatever, just worked on getting better in that place. It's going to be an absolute honor to perform there. And like I said, anything, anything that you can donate,

I know everybody is going through a difficult time here. So I know that this is a big ask, but if this goes well, I'm going to probably be just once a month to help them get through this shit. And then like I said, when the second week can fucking poke our heads out of the rabbit hole and it's safe,

I plan on doing a runner shows down there in front of you great people and at that great venue. And I just make sure that that place doesn't go away because I know that people are losing their favorite diners and shit like that. Anything, something positive, okay? There you go. And with that, that is the, that is the podcast.

I watched some, I watched one movie this week. I watched the Five Bloods, the new Spike Lee movie or joint as he says, Delroy Lindo absolutely killed. It's some of my favorite fucking actors are in it. Check that out if you get a chance. And I went back to, oh, Zach. I would just absolutely phenomenal show. I don't know why I stopped watching.

I got busy and then I, you know, I literally get overwhelmed when I get like behind in shows sometimes. So this now I finally at the time because people, I'm gonna tell you this right now. And if you hear the excitement in my voice, it is because I'm excited. My office is almost finally fucking clean.

All right. And when this thing is fucking clean, I cleaned this out. I cleaned out my fucking garage. I cleaned out my fucking drum room. My walk-in closet is clean of everything. My bedside table. I got nothing left to do.

All my football cards are gonna be in albums. All of my photos are gonna be in albums. Everything's gonna be where I know it's supposed to be. And then I'm gonna have nothing but free time. And I mean, I need a TV show. I mean, other than the fact I got a newborn and a three and a half year old. But you know, when they're both napping, you know,

I could sneak off, watch an episode. I could go play some fucking drums. I don't know the whole world's fucking wide open for me. I'm back off the sugar, everybody. I'm off the sugar, but I'm back on cigars. I have two cigars left. I'm gonna smoke both of those this month and then I'm back on the fucking wagon

because you know what? I don't have any more cigars in my little humidor there. And then I'll just, you know, that's it. Okay. I saw some bad news today. This shit bums me out. I just don't like seeing all this fucking negativity. It's why I don't try to watch the news.

I fucking hate watching it. So I was stressed out and I grabbed a nice ice cold fucking root beer and a nice tasty cigar. And I got to admit, I fucking enjoyed the shit out of it. I really did. I really did, but you know, I got two little ones and I got to stay alive. So I can't fucking do it, but I got two more

and I'm definitely gonna fucking smoke them this month. That's it. And then I'm fucking, I'm back on the fucking wagon. All right. And I'm saying that out loud. So if I don't, then you guys will give me shit and then I'll get me back on. Right. That's how I'm hoping it's gonna work. All right. So please everybody next Monday,

I believe we'll have, I don't know, they have to edit it. I don't know how it's gonna work when the Troubadour show is gonna come out. But I am so fucking excited to get back on stage even though there's gonna be nobody there. And I'm interested to see what it's gonna bring out of me. All of this shit that I've been sitting on for the last four months.

So I'm hoping it's gonna be a fucking good show. Other than that, it's gonna, it's, you know, it's just a great fucking cause. All right. That's it. All right. God bless you, you cunts. Have a wonderful fucking weekend. And I will talk to you on Monday.

By the world of home and furnish it with love. Grow apple trees and honeybees and so white turtle does. I like to teach the world to sing with me. I like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company. It's the real thing. I like to teach the world to sing with me. I like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company. It's the real thing.

It's what the world wants today. It's the real thing. It's the real thing. It's what the world wants today. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, June 25th. Could you hear me looking for the date there? I kind of like was looking and I, June 25th, June 25th in this motherfucker.

Sorry. I'm actually excited because I'm doing it Sunday night. So this fucking thing is going to be up midnight West Coast time in the continental United States, which means I don't have to deal with anybody, you know, giving me shit. Dude, what the fuck? You know what? What the fuck? Right back at you.

I'm in a great goddamn move. My lady, lady, you have left this state and I am all alone now. And I'm remembering what it was like to be a single man. I just made my freckled ass some motherfucking chicken. I had boneless. I deboned those thighs too. Like a motherfucker. I'm such a stupid mood.

I had boneless chicken breasts, no boneless chicken thighs and broccoli. I can't say that word without, I can't say broccoli without an Asian accent. I don't know why. I know why because when I lived in New York City and I was broke, there was a Chinese restaurant around the corner and I always ordered chicken and broccoli. Okay. If I wasn't eating sketchy with fucking prego, I would call up every once while I would treat myself with little Chinese food and I would call up.

They like, hello, number one. I'm like, Hey, number one, what's up? Can I get a, can I get chicken and broccoli? They made chicken broccoli, chicken and broccoli and ever since then I've said that. So just in case you thought I had any Chinese blood in me, I don't. I consider those people my friends for all the chicken and broccoli they made me back in the late 90s. It sounds like an apology, like a corporate apology.

I had no dealings with number one Chinese food. I did stop in there on a number of occasions. I did partake in some of the cuisine that was offered, but at no time was there any inappropriate touching underneath that filthy fucking glass that I don't think was bullet proof. You know, I'll tell you the Chinese restaurants in fucking New York, where I lived anyways when I was on the Upper East side, Jesus Christ, you know what I mean? It was like you'd have some, either it was either rusty, rusty great between you and

the other person or just filthy glass plastic or some shit. I don't know. Oh Christ, I don't even know what I'm saying. Look at my dog just fucking laying there. Can you get a goddamn job and contribute? I'm actually jealous. Thinks fucking skinny as hell, dude. My dog's emaciated, dropped her off at the trainer.

I don't know what the fuck happened. What were you doing over there? All right, let's get the podcast. Let's get it back under control. I didn't do shit today. So anyway, so my woman's out of town. My lady, she's out of town. So you know what's funny is she keeps checking in on me.

You know, what are you doing? What's going on? You know, and you know what it is? It's one, because she misses me and two, because they think that we're fucking morons. And she just wants to hear, like, what a difficult time I'm having without her. You know, like, oh, I don't know how to make cereal like, like I'm some sitcom fucking guy. All right.

It's not how it's going down. I did the fucking laundry. I made myself a healthy dinner, a protein, no bigger than the size of my head. Isn't that what you're supposed to eat and in some fun of vegetable. All right, go fuck yourself. You know what? I had a great time doing it. I haven't cooked in years.

And you know why? Because my woman is oppressive in the kitchen. She loves cooking. So anytime I go to cook, she comes in there. She's looking over my fucking shoulder. Just why are you cutting them up that way? Why do you think you're like, I fuck it, you do it, you fucking do it. Why do you always get mad?

Um, fucking trying to make you a goddamn meal is one of the nicest things somebody can do for you. Prepare a meal for you. Just sit there, shut the fuck up, and let me do you think I, what do you think I did? I ate out of goddamn garbage cans before I met you. She just gives me shit about the way I make my eggs. Because she, you know, she always says I always like, whenever I make scrambled eggs or whatever, like there's too much egg gets stuck to the fucking pan and there's a pain in the ass

to watch, to wash at me, you know? It's like, I'm sorry. I don't spray it with, you know, fuck the ozone layer, Pam, every goddamn time, dripping with the shit. No wonder it doesn't stick. I'm surprised it doesn't fucking slide right off onto the floor. You know what? This is, you're just listening to a pathetic man who's psyched that he's finally in his

place by himself and he can just deliver his entire argument without being interrupted. So I'm telling you, she wants to come back as much as she wants the place to be neat. She wants it to be a fucking disaster. She wants to feel needed. She wants to feel that I am fucking lost without her and I'm such a cunt. I am not going to let that happen. This place is going to be spotless. It's going to be ready for one of those movie drill sergeants.

You know, those guys that get in your face, I didn't hear you. You know, you can come over here and bounce a fucking quarter right off my goddamn face. Whatever the fuck they do. Off the beds. She's right there. I would never make it in the military. I'm supposed to be able to bounce a fucking quarter. Why?

Why are you supposed to be able to bounce a quarter? Why? Does that somehow make me, you know, better at fighting the enemy if I can throw dirty change at a blanket and then, and then catch it like the fawns, you know? What happened to you, sir? What did you really want to do? You know, did you really want to do this and scream at people? That was your, that was your dream to scream at people for your entire fucking life.

That's what you wanted to do. With that Hitler fade. Do you know Hitler had like a, a fresh prince from Bel Air haircut mixed with a, uh, Martin Sheen and apocalypse. He was Martin Sheen apocalypse now on top, but he had like, he had a fade down below that, that Will Smith's character with the eight ball leather jacket would have, would have loved. He would have loved it.

I'm sorry. Shit about fucking mass murderers lately and he always comes up, of course. You know what I mean? Can't have a thing about mass murders without Hitler, right? Can't fucking do it. Can't have a rock show without Zeppelin, man, stairway to heaven. You know, that's what it is. You got to fucking have that shit in there.

So, um, so that's my goal. That's my goal. And I'm actually wrestling with this. Should I leave the place a little bit dirty so she feels like wanted or should I just be, should I just go fucking like, you know, just come with the pimp vibe. Like this place is fucking spotless. All right. So you need to be on, you need to mind your P's and Q's, whatever the fuck those letters

stand for. What does it stand for? Somebody's going to know. Somebody actually knows what, when, you know, when you say mind your P's and Q's, there's some douche listening to this. Yeah, you're a douche, all right, that knows what the fuck that stands for. And they've just been waiting for somebody to fuck it up. All excited.

So they can be like, I know what it means. Well, send me a goddamn email. And by the way, I haven't said the email for a while here. Oh, what a segue. Fucking classic right there. I should teach a fucking podcast class. Uh, you know, somebody's going to do that. Somebody's going to teach a podcast class the same way somebody teach a comedy class.

And that's what you do when you're failing, whenever you're failing at what you do, you teach it. All right. There we go. We just insulted teachers. Um, all right. The email is bill at the mm podcast.com bill at the capital M capital M capital P, oddcast.com bill at the mm podcast.com.

All right. If you don't fucking know what it by now, just hit stop and rewind on your little player and you'll be fine. Um, oh, by the ways, can you guys, uh, I know I really appreciate all the, the input and all that stuff that you guys send to me because God knows if you didn't send it to me, I wouldn't be able to do this podcast. See without you, um, nothing is they slowly dim the lights and I go into some sort of pandering fucking song like that Jackson Brown song singing about the roadies like he gives a shit.

You know, I think he fucking pissed them off and they weren't setting his piano upright. So he wrote him a song just so they stopped fucking with them so he could get rid of his tour. And then somehow he goes out of that to just fucking the whole thing is I hate pandering. I don't like it. And you know, you know, the worst part of pandering is watching a performer go on stage and panda to the audience is watching you fucking animals eat it up. You eat it up every goddamn time.

I gotta tell you something. We played a lot of cities, but Hartford, you guys, you guys are the best. And there be a fucking break. There's nothing good about Hartford. You know, you don't believe me. Ask the whalers. Why do you think they left? You couldn't even hold on to the fucking whalers.

How does that make you feel Hartford? You know why they left? Because that stupid ass song you play. What's it called the, the, the brass city orchestra speaking of sports. I think I think my good friend Paul Verze is a little upset with me. He's been on this Robinson Cano thing. I swear to God, since I've met him and he, he's, he's, he's the, you know, he's the classic dude.

I called it guy and he got him. He called. We actually, he's brought up Robinson Cano to me so many fucking times. Like a year or a year and a half ago, I told him, Paul, like I actually put like a gag order. It's like, you have to stop bringing this fucking guy up. You're making me hate this guy and I don't hate him. I don't know what, I don't know what he said six fucking years ago, whenever fuck cano

came up, but Paul Verze believes that he is the only person in America that realized the potential of Robinson Cano, you know, and let's just say for the sake of fucking argument, he does, it's fucking seven years later. You know, he's like fucking, you know what he, and then, and then he's got all these other calls that, that, that fell on their fucking faces, right? You know what he's like, but all he does is bring up this Robinson Cano shit. I'm getting sick of it, Paul Verze, cause I know somebody emailed you this fucking link. All right.

You know what you're like, Paul, with your predictions, you like Jerome Bettis at the end of his fucking career, where he'd have 15 rushes for 22 fucking yards in the fourth quarter, just totally getting shut down. And then he bust off one for like eight yards, 10 yards, and then he would get up thumping his fucking chest like he's been doing it all day. That's what's bugging me about this. He called me up. This is how fucking sick Paul Verze is and why you should see him in a comedy club because

you have to see his sickness life. He called me up. I'm sitting on the fucking couch, my, you know, mind of my own fucking business, hanging out with the dog, making sure the place is spotless. So when my woman comes home, she knows I can take your fucking leave, your mind, your fucking P's and Q's lady, um, he calls me up and I'm going to break his fucking balls about this. He called me up and he goes, dude, he's like, I know you're not going to give me credit for this, but this one might be my greatest call of all.

He's talking about the Robinson, nothing. And the way he said this might be my greatest call of all, like he's looking back on this hall of fame career as the dude I called it guy. If I told you some of the shit that this fucking guy threw out there, you know, dude, Matt Castle is the real deal telling you the chiefs are for real, man, they're fucking for real. Vince Young, Vince Young's a winner, man. All he does is win who else? I can't even fucking remember LeBron James, LeBron James, he's, he's afraid of the moment.

The guy is afraid of the fucking moment. I actually said, I don't know shit about hoop when he took, when LeBron James took that last second fucking shot, all right, against the Celtics and he missed it and it went into overtime. I forget what fucking game it was, five, six or something like that. Um, what was it? Was it five? No, we won game five.

I can't remember what it was. Game six or something. No, not game six. They kicked the shit out of us. Game five. I think it was. He took the fucking shot and he missed it. Versey goes, no way Carmelo Anthony misses that, no fucking way.

And I said, dude, that was a big moment for him when it went in or not. That was big for him to get over that hurdle and take that fucking shot. And then meanwhile in the finals, he hits that killer three to fucking wrap it up. Did I call him up going dead? That might have been considering I know nothing of it drives me to fucking wall. I went to a Utah jazz Boston Celtics game and I fucking said called Versey. I'm going to do this. Fuck.

The NBA is fixed. These fucking guys at one point, you could take somebody's head off. They're not calling shit. And then 10 minutes later, you even look at a guy, you get a foul and then it goes back to taking their fucking heads off. No biggie. And it's just like these guys are dictating the pace. They're fucking shaving points.

I don't know what's going on. Year later, fucking mobbed up ref. Have I ever called Versey once about that shit and thrown it in his fucking face? I never have. I've been listening to this Robinson Cano fucking horseshit and this is the thing. I don't know one person that ever thought Robinson Robinson Cano sucked. I remember as he read socks fan when this dude came up, all I remember was going like, Jesus fucking Christ because he went from Chuck Knoblock, then they went to fucking

Soriano. That was annoying enough because I was just because at that point we had one shit and I was just going, can they, can they be somebody who sucks on this team? So then they trade Soriano. I don't know what, right? And then they bring up Robinson Cano and it was just so fucking discouraging. That's what Robinson Cano was to me. It was discouraging.

It's like these fucking assholes, they got, they got a guy at every fucking position and they trade a guy and then they bring another guy up and he's the shit. That's how I remember the guy coming up. I don't ever remember like Cano getting booed and everybody saying that he sucked. That's what Versey's trying to claim. Evidently he was the only guy, not even the Yankee scouts saw this guy come. This is going to fucking drive him up the goddamn wall and it's good. I'm just trying to help out his podcast.

You know what I mean? This is like a reverse, you know, like when unknown rappers make a mixtape and they trash somebody bigger than them so they can move their way up. I'm actually helping him. I'm, I'm raining down mixtapes onto his podcast. All right, now listen to Versey's podcast and listen to him fucking trash me. Um, all right, I think, I think his podcast should be called the dude. I called it a podcast.

I love the guy. I'm just breaking his balls. He's fucking hilarious and he is one of the best feature acts in the country right now. So if he's opening for some, but no, kid, he's, he's a, he's a, why can't I compliment my friends? Fuck it. Do it. Um, he's, he's a looker.

All right. Let's, uh, let's plow through here. I just gave him a window. That's right. You can't compliment me and you can't give me credit whenever I fucking pick something. I gave you credit, Paul, when you said, I got a feeling Tom Brady's going to get hurt and he blew out his fucking knee. That's your best call.

This Robinson can no shit. Okay. You can stick that a fucking pillow and, uh, I don't know and do something with it. Go spoon with it. Cause I don't give a fuck. You're not getting credit for it. You never will get credit for it. Oh, by the way.

Did you guys see, um, I know I'm talking a mile a minute. I'm sorry. I'm excited. I made a fucking dinner for myself and it worked. All right. I can exist by myself. I rubbed one out today. I mean, it's just a fucking self-sustained unit here.

I'm ready for the goddamn apocalypse. My dog needs a bath. Look at you itching over there like a maniac. Um, oh, what the fuck was I just talking about? Oh, I know, I know what's this. I know. I know what I was going to talk about. I went up to the, uh, the Oakland A's facility this weekend, you know, cause I'm a giver.

They called me up and they said, Hey Bill, you know what? We want to give out some root beer floats. We want to do this to raise awareness for fucking childhood diabetes. And you know what I did? I laughed at everybody, like everybody else going, what are you out of your fucking, you you're giving people root beer floats for diabetes and you don't see the irony in that. So I got an email. It says each season, fans and media ask about the irony of the A's root beer float days supporting

juvenile diabetes research. So here are the facts for when people ask about it, uh, basically eating too much sugar is not a cause or a factor of type one juvenile diabetes. Um, if there's any doctors listening, let me know if this is right. Type one diabetes also called juvenile diabetes or insulin dependent diabetes is a disorder of the body's immune system in type one diabetes. The body does not produce, does not produce insulin. Insulin is a hormone that is needed to convert sugar and statues and other food into energy

needed for daily life. Scientists do not yet know exactly what causes type one diabetes, but they believe that the autoimmune, that autoimmune genetic and environmental factors are involved. Well, that pretty much covers everything. People with type one diabetes must inject insulin several times every day or continually infuse insulin through a pump, uh, eating too much sugar is not a factor limiting sweets will help people with type one diabetes, keep their blood sugar under control. But with the advice of their doctor or nutritionists, sweets can fit into their meal plan just as

they would for people without diabetes. Um, so they're basically suggesting that they can have a cookie too, and it's not a problem provided they haven't eaten the whole box. Like people who don't have diabetes who do that sometimes evidently, is that what they're saying there? I don't fucking know. You got to pass this on to a lawyer or something. And there are times when, when sweets are a must, if the blood sugar level drops too

low, sweets or juice or soda can be the surest to raise it and prevent the onset of hypoglycemia, which evidently I guess is low blood sugar. With strict adherence to a specific diet and exercise plan and multiple insulin injections each day based on careful monitoring of blood sugar levels, a person with type one diabetes can have some control over his blood sugar levels. So that's what they say. Well, let me ask you this, the amount of sugar that is in a fucking root beer float, does anybody need that throughout the course of the day?

Cause I know that, um, you know, some people who have diabetes will carry around a little container of like cake frosting. And when the blood sugar goes, gets too low, like dangerously low, they'll take it out like a little snifter. Now they'll just take a little frosting right up their nose and that's a fact. You can go to Wikipedia answer, you can go to wiki answers and, uh, and look that one up. I don't fucking know.

I, all I can tell you this is I did a fucking incredible job on patting myself on the back like Paul Verzi dude, this might have been the greatest root beer float ever produced. I, um, I got it down to a science science. I got it down to a fucking science. This is how you do it. This is how you do it. This is how I was fucking up. I was putting the ice cream in first and then I pour the root beer on and it would just

start foaming up like I was some sort of a mad scientist. I'm not leaning over to say hello to you, Cleo. I'm just leaning over because my back hurts. All right. All right. Beat it. Um, is it weird that I like dog breath? You know, not bad dog breath, but just in general.

It doesn't, don't fucking know why. I freaked my dog out. I tell you every once in a while, I just grab her by both ears and I yell in her face. I fucking love you. You know, it's weird. I can't believe how much I love that fucking dog and, uh, I have problems with that emotion. So I don't know how to handle it. So I have to fucking grab her and have her looking at me like, what the fuck are you

doing? And then I just yell, I fucking love you right in her face. If I told you that before, I don't give a shit. I got a fucking hour to fill here. So anyways, this is how, so the root beer flow, what you want to do people is you want to fill your mug about 40% with root beer or orange soda. Like a lot of people do and kind of making like a cream sick, a lot of it, I don't know, 40% and then you take a nice glob of fucking ice cream and you slam that fucker in there.

Okay. You try to let it slide down the side of the glass. You tilt it like you learned in bartended school. All right. Cause you don't want it to splash because then you're going to have that foam fucking problem again. You let it slide. This is me.

This is what I did. People fucking gathering at my fucking table, who was me and this other radio dude up there named Icky who was, looked like a fucking J crew model. I don't know why his name was Icky. I forgot to ask him, but all the chicks fucking loved him and they were looking at me like the balding redhead that I am, you know, and of course, like most balding people, I'm trying harder like that short guy out on the courts got this fucking dick on your leg playing defense and some bullshit pickup game.

Right. One of those guys, that's how I was making these root beer floats. I was fucking killing it. So I was raised. So, um, I fucking, I got it down so I would let that thing slide in, slide in like a ship being set off to fucking see, you know, when they do that shit, oh, they don't slide it down a ramp. No, they don't, they fill the whole fucking thing with water.

What the hell image is that? I don't fucking know. Whatever, like a fucking pontoon boat in a, in a, in a, in a snowstorm. I don't, I don't have an image for whatever. Let the fucking, like Quint slid down into the jaws of that shark in the end of jaws except he's not kicking and screaming. He's enjoying it, you know, like, like he wants it to happen. No.

All right. Whatever. So I slide the fucking ice cream down. There's only a little bit of foam and then what you do is you put a little more ice cream in and then you top it off a little bit of root beer. Okay. Then you take a napkin. All right.

You put it on the outside and you hand it to him, handle fucking first. That's what I was doing. That's the way it went down. In case you were wondering. And then I, then I, uh, what did I do? Oh fuck. I went out and, uh, went to an Italian restaurant and I'm sitting, sitting there ordering this really nice Italian restaurant in San Francisco and I swear to God, I looked over two tables

over and it was fucking Joe Montana. Joe Montana. I almost fucking, I almost started shrieking like a girl. Joe Montana is the Michael Jordan of, of, uh, of quarterbacks. He just is. He's the best I ever fucking saw. There's nobody near him. Fuck all these goddamn fantasy football stats guys.

I don't give a shit. Joe got you to the playoffs. And when he got to the playoffs, Joe one, Joe went four and O in fucking Super Bowls. The classic story, they're down against the Bengals. He's sitting there in the huddle during the TV time out, right? He just said, that's John Candy in the crowd, right? He's totally fucking, hey, you know, whatever, just going to go out, throw the ball around, win another fucking Super Bowl, right?

Unfucking believable. So I was, uh, freaking out. I actually had a buddy of mine asked me, he goes, dude, did you go up to him? Did you ask for a picture? It's like, dude, do you have a fucking mind? It's fucking Joe Montana. First of all, I wouldn't interrupt Screech if he was eating and asking for a goddamn photo. This is fucking Joe Montana.

Joe fucking Montana. I don't, I wouldn't ask if I fucking, I wouldn't ask Joe Montana for a photo. I wouldn't interrupt him for a photo and I just saved him from fucking drowning. I wouldn't ask him. I wouldn't impose. I wouldn't fucking Joe Montana. That is, that is the biggest, most legendary fucking athlete I've ever seen. He's up there with, I, one time I was in Vegas and Michael Jordan walked through the casino

like late, late, late at night with like three security guards flanking them, um, wearing one of those NBA, um, the greatest basketball players of all time suits, looking like a million bucks. That that fucking hoop earring that looked like a goddamn, I don't know, like a fucking horseshoe just made out of diamonds hanging out of his ear was it's just everybody stopped even to generate gamblers. Everybody just stopped as he fucking walked by who's right up there with that. And I saw Dr. J at the SPS last year.

Those my big three, they gotta be, those are the three biggest guys I ever saw. It's fucking unreal. Joe Montana. I just kept looking over at him. I said it to my waiter when he came over, I was just like, is that fucking Joe Montana? And he was all geeking out going, yeah, it is. I was like, I'm fucking Joe Montana. I said, I said the F word like 15, 15, you know what it is about Joe Montana, aside from

being the shit. When he retired, he just kind of disappeared. He didn't go on a ESPN. He didn't do any of that shit for the first time in years. He's finally doing some national commercials with that, you know, hey, look at these new fucking sneakers. They're going to help your old feet, whatever, whatever the fuck they are. Is that the worst impression of a commercial ever?

Hey, the fuck is that? Hey, look at these sneakers. Whatever. So I think that adds to his mystique. He kind of left like Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson signed off. That was it. One letterman.

I think that was it. He did one letterman thing. And then that was it. Called into tonight's show one time, I think, when they were doing celebrity in a sack or some shit like that, or he made fun of it. I do remember that, but he just left with Clash. Joe Montana did the same thing. You know, he's not out there with some NBC P code, right?

Just saying, well, what the judge got to do today? He's not doing that. Joe doesn't need to sit there and analyze. He knows what's going to happen. He's fucking Joe Montana. I did it. I'm done with you guys. Guy was still in phenomenal shape, you know?

That was the shit. It was the fucking shit. So that was my week. I gave out root beer floats. The Oakland A's. Jesus Christ, man. If you want to go to a throwback fucking stadium, you got to go to the Oakland A stadium, man. And you know what you're going to realize?

How truly fat this country has got. And I'm not talking about their fans. I'm talking about how small the corridor is when you walk out to get food. And just the way they used to build the stadiums, the way they used to build the stadiums. You know, nowadays you can order a fucking hot dog, you know, when you're rubbing one out, taking a piss, still watching the goddamn game. You still have everything. It's like sight lines everywhere.

This thing, man, you just walk in and you're, you're, you're like in a bunker. You have no idea what's going on. It's like a kitchen TV, like 30 yards away, like, like hanging from the ceiling, right? That fucking Ken Stabler donated to it. That's basically what happened. And that's what I always realize when I go to the old stadiums is how truly fat this country has got. You know, I guess they were, they were smaller back then, weren't they?

They were shorter. Otherwise a bunch of little people just waddle into what the fucking would the ceilings be that high? I don't know. I was like claustrophobic walking through the shit. I'm just like, this needs to be at least like another like fucking 10 feet wider. It was like the, the, whether the Oakland Coliseum, whatever the fuck they call it, that is the antithesis to Yankee Stadium.

Have you guys, if I don't know if you've been to the new Yankee Stadium, it's weird. It's like breathtaking and growing up gaudy all at the same time. Sometimes you walk around a corner and you see something and it's like, oh my, it takes you back to like 1929. You think Ruth and Gary are going to come walking around and you're going to hear their cleats and then you look to your left and then there's some guy behind glass cutting up stakes like, oh, look at all the money we got. You know, it's really fucking stupid.

Um, that's what happens when I, whenever I go to new Yankee Stadium, I either think about Lou Gehrig and the old school Yankees, or I think of that Pizza Hut commercial where that fucking white trash whore was eating the pasta going up and she did, but she didn't know that it was Pizza Hut or Domino's or whatever. And they were like, what do you think about it? She's like, oh my God, it's so decadent. That's a hot pasta decadent. Really speaking of corporate entities, it's time for a fucking commercial.

Here we go. Commercial. All right. There's only two this week. Everybody, you know, some cunt actually said, you know, commercials are only 30 seconds long on TV. Why don't you get on it? Are they as entertaining as these are?

I don't think they are, sir. And then not only 30. What about those infomercials? Maybe I'm doing a little mini infomercial. You ever think about that? You know, why don't you just fast forward through it? You fucking moron. All right.

Advertisement. Number one. Amazon. Amazon. If you're going to buy something online, you want to support the Monday Morning Podcast. This is a great way to do it. And you're also supporting the Wounded Warrior Project. All right.

You go to my podcast, billbird.com. You click on the podcast page and then you click on the Amazon banner. This is just if you go on Amazon. All right. Just stop by my podcast. Go on there. Amazon.com. You don't have to do anything.

And then you want to buy something, go ahead and buy it and they kick a certain percentage back to me. And then I take 10% of that and I round it up to the nearest fucking hundred and I pass that on to the troops. All right. It's a great way to help out my podcast and a great way to support the troops all in one two and one like that guy shampoo that has got the shampoo and the conditioner right in it.

All right. All right. The next one, this is it. This is the last one for the week. Gamefly.com. You got 18,000 video games available. Do you play video games? Is that what you do?

Is that what you're doing over there? You're playing your little video game. Why don't you go to gamefly.com because I know you don't have 8,000 video games. I know you don't. Gamefly.com does. You got 8,000 video games. They'll mail them right to your house. You can sit there in your pajamas rubbing your balls as you pay for them.

Actually, you don't have to pay for them. It's a 15 day free trial. Okay. They'll mail them to you or send them right to your frigging PC monthly fees or a fraction of what a new game cost. They got stuff. It works for PlayStation, Xbox, Wii, and even on your PC. So for money and money morning podcast listeners get a free two disc 15 day free trial.

It's a $23 value by going to www.gamefly.com or you go through the banner ad on the podcast page at billburr.com. There you go. All right. Wasn't that painless? Wasn't that painless? Man, bitching about fucking commercials. Oh, you know what?

I tweeted about some girl. I'm too old to know who the fuck she is. Now, what the fuck did I do with all the podcast shit? I'm the worst. I'm the worst. I got all this shit here. You know, it's going to be the last one that I click on. You know, it's going to be.

Where is it? Are you fucking kidding me? It's not that. You know, at some point I really should just hit pause. Shouldn't I? You guys, you know what? I'm not doing this to you. Hang on a second.

All right. I'm back. Dude. I got to tell you something. I hate this. This is a reverse commercial. The new MacBook Pro can suck a dick. I fucking hate this thing.

It's unfucking believable. I knew how to use a laptop before I bought this thing. Now I don't, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I never closed the window where the fuck did it go? Dude, do you know something that, that cunt that's in your iPhone, that Surrey bitch? Do you know that like they sit there and like gather all the information that you talk about to that bitch so she can air quote, help you out better? That I cloud shit.

You just giving them all the stuff that you do. Like they're a bunch of fucking creeps over there. They really are at Apple. A bunch of fucking voyeuristic fucking weirdos. They got that whole J Edgar Hoover vibe going on over there. Every fucking thing you do, like they're peeking in, they're fucking nerds. They don't know how to get laid. So now what they're doing is they're standing outside the window of everybody in this fucking

country with their dick in their hand, trying to figure out what the fuck you're doing. How is that legal? Why don't they bring it up? This is some legal mumbo jumbo that I automatically agreed to the second I fucking bought this phone. I don't talk to that robot bitch at all. I cut her out of my life. You know that fucking John Malkovich just giggling like a little goddamn school girl.

She's having a just having a great fucking time with noise the hell out of me. All right, upcoming shows. I'm going to be in the Inland Empire, Ontario, California, June 29th, 30th and July 1st with Cleveland, Ohio's own Jason Lawhead and Kevin Shea. Kevin Shea is going to be out there. We're at the Hampton Beach Ballroom Casino, July 14th in the Newport Yachting Festival Center or whatever the fuck it is, July 15th, and I'll be at Carolines in New York City from July 26th through the 29th, and I'll be making a beeline to the Open Anthony program

to defend my honor after Joe DeRosa mercilessly evidently trashed me last Friday on the show. Okay, now I know that I shouldn't get mad at him. This isn't Joe. This is his addiction. All right, the sensation, he had a nice run, you know, his album sales started falling off. He got the sickness. All right, he was exhausted.

He went away and now he's coming back and he's lashing out at the people that helped him out in this business. Okay. Fucking Joe DeRosa taking swings at me while I'm still sleeping. Taking fucking potshots at me while I'm fucking trying to get my goddamn beauty sleep. You know, isn't that exactly what you'd expect from a shoulderless, half Egyptian fucking son of a bitch like Joe DeRosa? Oh, that motherfucker, he's got a goddamn motherfucker.

All right, let's let's get with the question here. Obsessed friend, or as I read it the first time, obese friend. Obsessed friend. Hey Bill, first and foremost, I like your podcast. Thank you. I wanted to get your opinion on something. One of my male friends, do you have female friends? I don't, I don't get how that works.

I really don't get how that works. I had such a funny conversation. Oh Jesus, was I giggling? I had this conversation with this guy one time and we were talking about guys like women who have guys friends, straight guy friends, and we were both saying that we didn't like it. Like, I don't like me and have guy friends. I don't, I don't like it.

I don't like these guys fucking hanging around. And this guy summed it up perfectly. He goes, two types of guys hang out are friends with women. Gay guys and guys trying to fuck that woman. And it's exactly it. He put it a little more colorful than that, all right? But that's exactly how I feel. You know, I don't have any female friends.

I have, I have a few, but it's like that fight scene at comedy clubs. That's it. We don't fucking hang out though. You know, like, oh, I'll, you know, let's, I'll come by, pick you up. Let's go to the movies. If I'm doing that with you, I'm trying to fuck you. You know, there's no, I, what am I, I sit around and talk about reality TVs or whatever. Can I be more condescending to females, whatever the fuck it is you guys talk about?

Um, anyways, sometimes guys, I think have female friends so they can fuck their friends. I don't know. I've never, uh, I've never been able to do that. I just like, it's on the tape. This is, you know why I'm here, all right? I'm not here to fucking borrow and bracelet. You know, do you know those guys are the guys that get the most goddamn ass other than just those fucking type A fucking, we just, they just got that thing that makes girls

fall all over themselves. I'm not talking about those guys who just, you know, at 13, they could bang a 28 year old hottie. I'm not talking about those fucking guys, you know, grow a fucking mustache already. You know, those guys like banging a teacher and shit and it's like no big deal to them. I'm not talking about them. I'm just talking like regular fucking dudes who have to figure out a way to, to, to, to get some, those fucking dudes who are straight and they do that androgynous thing where they

start borrowing chicks clothes or chicks like that. It's fucking over. It's over. You know, when you got a little Steven Tyler in your tank, you know, um, anyways, what am I trying to say here? Yeah. Like scarves and for your, you accessorize as you're dressing, you know, there's something about it.

Oh my God. I love that. What is that? Is that maze? What is maze is maze? What corn is made out of? I was trying to think. What is that light blue shit that they have in New Mexico, teal?

Well, what the fuck do you call it? Aztec, uh, a Rappahoe, sorry, we annihilated you. Here's a casino. What the fuck is that shit called? Oh, God damn it. Who gives a shit? Um, white guy pretending to be a cowboy. What the fuck is that?

Pretending you have a ranch. Um, this anyways, where the fuck was it? One of my male friends who I've been friends with for a long time. Maybe this is a check right now. Who knows? Met this girl about a year ago and she has since become good friends with my entire group of friends. This friend, this friend has become obsessed.

Okay. The first person you're talking about now. That's what I'm going on. Calm reading this. Your friend has become obsessed with this girl and makes it unintentionally obvious to the world that he would do anything to be with her. He makes every possible attempt he can to be around her, to do stuff for her and even helps her pay her bills.

Well, I can tell you one thing. This dude is never fucking this girl. What kind of fucking approach is that? You know, that's like giving away merchandise and then going, oh, by the way, that was 50 bucks. They're already in the car driving away. All right. What you got to do is hold that.

Do you know how like people, this is how you bang a girl like this. Do you ever watch a hockey fight? They don't stand face to face anymore. What they do is they stand sideways, grab a jersey and they cock their fucking hand back, right? And they're standing sideways, you know, and you got that close shoulder. So that guy can't really get you with anything if you're doing it right. And then if he goes to throw the fucking overhand right, you're out of his range unless he's

fucking really tall. But I'm just saying, generally speaking, that's how you do it with this girl. Okay. You get your hand on her fucking shoulder and then everything she wants, you hold it away from her so she can't get it. And it's in between what she wants and her. What's in between it is you and your dick. Okay.

That's how, that's how you got to do it. It's called the carcillo. Um, I hope that makes sense. Anyways, um, and he'll do anything he's paying her fucking bills. The annoying part is he will not be straight up with any of us friends and say how he truly wants to be with her. He will only say she's hot. Um, yeah, I can tell you who's banging this girl, the guy who's not doing all that shit.

Um, anyways, she is aware about how he feels and an attempt to steer him away. She says stuff like, you're like my brother and will not do anything to make him think that he's even the slightest, has the slightest chance of anything. Oh fuck this cunt. Fuck that. Fuck that. All right. Oh, but she'll accept him paying her bills.

She's using the guy. Now this guy's a jackass. This guy is a jackass. Okay. He is setting himself up to be fucking used. Okay. Oh, you're like a boyfriend. That's what she, that's, I mean, you're like a brother.

She's saying that right after he pays her fucking bills. I bet she doesn't say that before, you know, I don't know, I think this is, this is obviously his fault. He's putting himself in this situation, but she's kind of a douche for, uh, for using him like that. I, that, that really fucking annoys me. That really says something about this other person. I would never fucking do that to somebody, lead somebody on like that.

How would you do that? Cause you are kind of leaving one in a little way. Oh, what? I've taken advantage of this stupid fucking puppy love that they have for you. You know, if somebody comes up to you and they're really into you and you're not into them, you know, it's kind of your job to stay the fuck away from them. So they forget about you. That that's the gentleman thing to do.

You know, if they give you a gift, you just take it and you go, Hey, you see that and you're fucking throw it across the parking lot. All right. Just get it over with. You just be mean to him, something, you can get him the fuck away from you. All right. But you don't keep being nice to him, keep hanging around him and fucking letting him pay you bill.

I guess you guys have the same group of friends, but you know, she should just be like, look, stop paying my fucking bills. Cause at some point I feel like you, you feel, you're going to feel like you can fuck me and that ain't happening. All right. So get that. Hey, get that stupid fucking look off your face. It ain't happening.

I don't like you. Fuck off. Okay. See at the reunion. Um, she sometimes even cracks jokes when he's not around about his never ending attempts to win her over. Oh, this girl's a fucking cunt. It's getting to the point where it's pitiful and I want to tell him to stop being such

a pussy and realize it isn't going to happen and move on at the same time. He's a good friend and I want to be respectful. And I get it. She's a cool chick and she's hot and he's trying to get it, uh, get it in. What, what would you recommend? Sit back and continue watching the desperation or be straight up and try and talk some sense into him. Ah, this is always a hard fucking thing.

Cause you could be like, you know, fuck her. She's using your or whatever. They ain't going to happen. And then they end up together and then you're the douche and you get froze out. Um, but I think in this case, this kid doesn't have a prayer. He's just, he's not even a man to her at this point. He's just showing that he's dumb, that he can be used and that he's not going to not nearly make as much an hour as he should because he's a jackass.

That's, that's what he's showing her. So, um, yeah, she just, you know, at the very least critique the guy's approach. He looked, look, you want to fuck this girl? Just, you know, just ignore her. Don't ignore her. Just be like, Hey, what's going on? Just be your fucking self like talk to other people, you know, go hit on some other fucking hot girl in front of them.

Some shit like that. I've said this shit before. That's what you do. You know, go out, start working out, you know, take care of yourself, get a little fucking spring in your step. And all of a sudden, oh, what the fuck's he doing all of a sudden he's not paying attention to me. And that's going to tap into her.

Oh my God. Am I, am I not hot anymore? That fear they have that a fear that all fucking hot chicks have the day they're not going to be hot anymore, you know, and they stayed out there too long. You know, you got to tap into that shit, but then you're playing a fucking game. You know, this, this douchebag, he's, he's, he fucking loves her what an asshole. You know, what are you to say to him one night? Just be like, dude, how long are you going to fucking chase this chick?

Why are you paying your bills? You set yourself up like a fucking sap. Do you want to bang this girl? Stop treating her like she's fucking Mother Teresa. That's disgusting. That's the wrong one. Stop treating her like she's fucking Mary, the Virgin fucking Mary who has a kid. Give me a break.

Right? Oh, but I'd fucking give her a shit if I ever saw her if I ever came walking down the street, my sandals and my robe back in the day and I saw the Virgin Mary, really? How did it happen? Huh? How did it happen? How did it? Oh, you just woke up and you were pregnant?

Well, congratulations, Mary. You got roofied. All right. Don't take a shower. Go down and get yourself fucking swabbed and let's figure out who did it. Wow. Let's regroup from that one. All right.

You know, that, that, that isn't my fault. That's some fucking, that's, that's cause he tits of this goddamn question. All right. Well, you know what, dude? You want to tell him? Just fucking tell him. Just tell him, dude, as a friend, I can't sit here watching you keep running up, trying to kick the football and watching to take it away.

Okay. She doesn't fucking respect you. Don't say that. Don't say anything that the girl said because then he's going to say it to her and then she's going to give you that fucking, you know, that look that girls do when they're mad where they make their eyes like really small. You know, sometimes they have their mouth hanging open when they do it. Like, you know, you don't, you don't want to deal with that.

Um, did I even give you advice? I don't remember. All right. Girlfriend's dad's ass. Hey, Bill, I remember giving advice to a guy about whether or not he should kick his neighbor's ass. Well, I'm in a similar situation only involves my girlfriend's father. I'm 22 years old and I am a first lieutenant in the U S army and I live in Colorado.

Oh, Jesus. Are you up there and Greeley at Fort, whatever with the bad smell day? Huh? Could you stop slaughtering cows? We can't breathe. Um, or they steer. I don't know. I've been with my girl for a little under a year now and her father has not been a problem

up until now. Her parents are extremely religious. Oh, no, don't play this podcast, especially that last part. And they're always trying to get me and my girl to go to mass with them. When I first met her, oh, when I first met her dad, he seemed like a good shit, a good shit. This guy's, he's coast seemed like a good shit kid. We are both gun nuts.

So the entire time I was around him, we talked about guns, no conflicts at all. The second time I saw him, I was in my, my uniform and while we were talking about whatever a name shit we were talking about, he slipped into the conversation. You know, just because you're in the army, you know, just because you are in the army does not scare me at all. Oh, wow. Yeah. That is weird.

Just because you're in the army, that doesn't scare me at all. I raised an eyebrow at this, but I let it slide. I hope you filed that in the back of your head. That's a weird one. This is about eight months ago. Fast forward to about two days ago. I'm currently moving out of the military housing in Fort Carson here in Colorado, spring and I'm fixing to move up to Denver.

People I'm buying the house from were still moving out. So I had to stay at a friend's house and my girl was staying at a parent's house. One night we went out to dinner and we stayed out till around 11 and made out after we ate. Okay, people. This is what I'm talking about. I need every fucking detail. Let's just get to the point here. I made no effort to fuck this girl because I know her parents will start foaming at the

mouth if I do, but it looks like I don't have to. She fell asleep in my car on the way back, so I had to carry her. I was doing so well reading, wasn't I? She fell asleep in the car on the way back, so I had to carry her to her inside, okay, the house. Is that what you're trying to say? When her mom opened the door, she looked extremely nervous and my girl's dad was sitting in a chair just staring at me as I walked in and took the girl to the guest room.

Dude, why didn't you just fucking wake her up? When I went back downstairs, her dad was waiting for me at the door. Before I could leave, he put his hand in front of me and said, I want a word with you outside. This is never good whenever it says I want a word with you outside. We both went outside. He outright asked me, did you fuck my daughter? I told him no, but he replied, you're a goddamn liar. No one stays out that long without fucking, oh my God.

Was he wearing a wife meter with his old man chest sagging a little bit? I reassured him I did not fuck his daughter and before I left, he looked at me in the eyes with his nose about touching my eyes and said, if I find out you ever have sex with my daughter, you don't even want to know what's going to happen to you. I blankly stared at him for about 10 seconds and walked away to my truck and drove away. I'm now living in Denver with my girl and I'm getting calls every day from her dad asking what we're doing and what our plans for the day are. Yesterday he called up and asked the same old stupid ass question and my girl told him

we were planning to go out and see a movie. Yesterday he came over to my house without his wife. Since I answered the door, he told me to step outside and he asked me once again if I fucked his daughter. He almost identical conversation sued but this time I noticed he had a sidearm on him. Dude, this is going beyond my abilities here buddy. When he's wearing a jacket with his shoulder hosted, but he's so fucking fat that a pistol insanely contrasts with his round yoga ball body form.

He once again said he told me that I don't want to even know what will happen if I fuck his daughter. Bill, I need your advice. What should I do about this prick? I'm pretty sure that this guy has no idea that I went to ranger school and I have been trained to shove a knife in another man's neck with none of, alright, alright, alright dude. What the fuck?

This is what you need, I don't know what you need to do dude, this is beyond me, okay? This sounds like the beginning of one of those murders, these murder things. I think you, I don't know, I don't know what the fuck to do here, don't listen to my advice here because I'm going to end up getting sued, this one's too deep. You don't need to kick this guy's ass, you don't need to do anything like that, I think you almost need to go to the cops. Does this guy have a license to carry? Why the fuck is he sitting there with a pistol and he keeps having this open-ended thing?

Dude, this guy's fucking nuts man. This guy sounds like he's crazy and I don't know. This is easy for me to say because I don't have any feelings in this thing, I would fucking say you know what, you need to go back and move back home with your parents and you need to live with them and when your dad can accept the fact that you're an adult and you're going to do what you want to do, give me a call but until then I don't need some guy coming up to me making veiled threats with the fucking sidearm, alright? I'm not looking to get shot in the fucking head and that's the thing dude, I know you're

a ranger and that type of thing but the thing about a gun is that makes everybody tough, okay? You can fucking kill Bruce Lee with a gun so you definitely do not want to go you know Steven Segal on this shit like I don't know, this sounds to me like I would get out of that relationship, tell her to go home and just say listen, your dad is not ready for you to be in an adult relationship and I'm not ready to die or get shot at or whatever the fuck it is he has planned, I am going to stay here and you know, enjoy my life without fat men coming up to me asking me what the fuck I'm doing with the women in my life.

Good luck and God bless and it's on to Chicago, let's win there, that's what the fuck I would do but like I said, don't listen to me on that one, that is beyond, yeah dude that's whole other level shit here, yeah guys don't send me in shit like that, that's creepy man that's, yeah that's, alright, okay let's move on, hey break up advice, alright let's try to break the tension here, I'm 27, I just broke up with my girlfriend in two years, we took a break for about three months last summer, got back together in September and have been going together ever since, let's read that again, I was too busy thinking of the other thing, I'm 27, just broke up with my girlfriend in two years, we took a break

for about three months last summer, got back together in September and been together ever since, I'm going to guess that this, you're going to find out she fucked somebody in those three months, we've been arguing a lot over the past two months or so but it's all about bullshit, nothing serious, just little nagging things that get us all worked up and then it turns into a much bigger fight about how we don't see the same, we don't see the same way on priorities and key relationship points, yeah you guys, you broke up, you got lonely, you got back together, this happens, this is like the break ups to tsunami and then this is the aftershock and finally the second wave, one fight a couple weeks ago actually

was because she thought she left the stove on, I said no it's fine, she says well you don't know for sure and then it escalated from there, I thought that shit only happens on bad sitcoms, now we've never done anything bad like cheat or be abusive as far as you know towards each other at all and when things are good we're totally in love, we have all the same interests and enjoy doing things together tremendously, unfortunately it's only around 60% of the time, the other 40% were kind of on edge with each other, so she ended up breaking up with me about two weeks ago after a stupid drunk fight when we got home from the bar at 2am, her words were we're just not working, now since then she's been

commenting slash liking my pics and status on social networks and I amming me when we're at work, yeah this girl is, she's not ready to just go walk through the pain by herself so she keeps doing it like this, she goes I even got drunk late last night, phone call then hang up the other night, oh you did that, she was the one to break it off to, she claims she missed me like crazy but she just doesn't know what to do, I said we either cut the bullshit and move forward or stop talking completely, she hasn't replied to me since that last thing I said, I really do love this chick and imagine us spending a very long time together at this point, I'm almost positive she feels the same way as well but should

I stop being a pussy and just move along, I'm not sure if these things can be worked out or we both adjust our attitudes or if there really is a more serious problem in the big picture, relationship, any feedback would help, I don't know dude, you know what dude just take three months for yourself, three, six months, just get away from it, don't talk to her, six, eight months if you're still fucking, I don't know, I don't know how long you guys, we went off for like two years, it's gonna take like six, eight months to kinda, you know, it sucks if you love somebody, it's gonna take that long just to kinda get it going again but look dude, if you're gonna marry this chick someday, you know, why not

go out and bang a bunch of broads now before you get back together with her and it's gonna be her call cause she fucking broke up with you, I always have the same advice, just fucking focus on yourself, you know, getting great shape, go out, go chat up some fucking girls you think are out of your league, who knows, you might meet a better one, who knows, who the fuck knows but at this point she's, you know, I would definitely, you just gonna keep, when you break up with somebody you gotta get away from them or you're just gonna keep heartin' each other and you know, I don't advise going out, getting plastered, eatin' a bunch of shit food and becoming a fuckin' depressed, tub of shit, you know, jerkin'

off with KFC containers around you, don't do that, go the other way, alright, go the other way, I don't know dude, just go do some shit you couldn't do when you were fuckin' with her, you know what I mean, go take a road trip, go to a fuckin' baseball stadium you wanted to go to, go do some fun dumb shit, whatever the fuck you wanna do, learn how to ride a motorcycle, some fuckin' cool guy shit, just go have a good fuckin' time, do somethin', go to an all-star game, you know, go out to Vegas, go to that fuckin' whore ranch, whatever the fuck you wanna do, go do some shit like that and then, you know, if you still give a fuck about her and, you know, by the time the next election, then

I don't know what to tell you, then figure it out from there but at this point I would stay away from each other so you stop hurtin' each other, alright, convincing my girlfriend to get a dog, alright, this is a nice short one, hey, Billiamson, I've been livin' my girlfriend for about a month plus now, it's seriously the greatest relationship I've ever been in, really? In a month? Yeah, you fuckin' every day, why wouldn't it be awesome? See, I just took all the joy out of that, maybe you found the one, I don't know, in

order to take this relationship to the next level, I would really like us to get a great Dane, I'm sorry, I just had to take a look at you, you just moved in for a month and now you wanna get a great Dane, everything's goin' great, you fuckin' like rabbits and now you wanna live with a little horse, alright, I would really like us to get a great Dane, from all great Dane owners, I hear they are the laziest dogs that they don't require a ton of work in comparison to terriers, for example, do, but they take up the whole apartment, alright, they take a shit the size of that fuckin' aged salami they have hangin' in those fuckin' Italian restaurants, you know, you gotta pick it up with a fuckin' hefty

bag, I don't know, teach us, the main reason why I need her approval is because she'll have to participate in the working, in the work of taking care of the dog, most of my work involves me being gone for 12 to 14 hours a day, dude, are you out of your mind while her job is 9 to 5, how do you suggest I convince this woman to agree to get a dog, dude, don't get a dog, that's not fair to the dog, okay, you're basically never there and she works 9 to 5, you're not in a place right now to get a dog, dogs need attention, they pack animals, they like laying around with you, alright, it's hard enough for you to leave for an 8 hour day, that's not fair to the dog, man, it's great that you're a dog lover,

but and also I don't think it's good for your relationship, you just moved in, you're just figuring out who does what, you're having a good time and then you're gonna add this fuckin' thing that's gonna come in, it's probably gonna be a puppy, it's gonna be shitin' all over the place, you're gonna kill your utopia, I think it's a bad move, dude, I think it's great to get a dog, it's the greatest fuckin' thing I ever did, I love having a dog, but I waited till I had a schedule, you know, and I was with the right person and all that type of shit and I didn't figure that out a month, so, I don't know dude, I think that's, that might be throwin' a giant fuckin' wrench in your situation, but let me know how it

works out, alright, overrated, underrated, underrated, if you guys want to send the overrated, underrated, this is something else that you also send to that email address that I gave you earlier, underrated, taking a punch from your girlfriend's ex, I was out at a bar with my lady and some other, my lady and some other friends, I come back from a bar to see this guy yelling at her friend, so I mosey on over and make sure nothing's goin' down, while I'm lookin' at the tiger's game on TV, he takes a swing at me and I took it like a champ, that's the end of the story, dude, you gotta write me back, I gotta know what happened, overrated, bouncers, oh here we go, they grabbed both of us before I could

get a swing in, but oh well, taking his punch got my girl to do anything I wanted that night and it made me look like a badass when the punch didn't faze me, ah, that's hilarious, see that, see what happens, see what happens when you get jealous over a woman, you go over, you punch somebody in the face, it doesn't even hurt and then he's bangin' that chick in the ass, so there's a lesson, right, there's one to grow on, underrated, cleaning your car, clean that shit up, there's nothing worse than getting into a friend's car and having to place your feet between two months of water, two months old of water bottles and coffee cups, absolutely, I recently heard a girl on Ari Shafir's podcast, you guys

got to check that out by the way, that's another one of my favorites, Ari's spelled Ari Shafir, S-H-A-F-I-R, podcast say that girls take that as a sign of how clean your bedroom is, I think it's true, one of my buddy's cars looks like a recycling center and his bedroom looks like it hosted a motley crew after party, except that's not cool and there was no party, yeah absolutely, I fucking can't stay in a woman with a messy car, you know, you get it, oh my god I have a cat, I'm sorry, and he got cat hair all over you, you know, and then you see what they ate for the last six fucking weeks, it's disgusting, and I hate when girls have like fucking half their wardrobe, it's just, it's disgusting, you

know what I mean, and I imagine like a guy's filthy car's got to be even fucking worse, and I bet that's even more of a turn off for a woman just because of the way we're set up physically, you know, I just look at them like, oh this girl's disgusting, I don't want to banger, you know, they got to look at you, oh my god this guy's disgusting, he's going to enter my body, all right overrated, drinking coffee to stay awake, yeah you might wake up a bit, but you function like an asshole and your breath smells like an ashtray, eat an apple and go for a run, oh that's how you wake yourself up, Jesus Christ that's pretty healthy, all right YouTube video of the week, I actually just watched the first 10 minutes

of this, this is fucking awesome, if you guys want to watch a great documentary, it's a documentary about bouncers, we'll have this on the, the M.M. podcast page, you can click on it, it's actually just called Bouncer Documentary, part one, and you get to see these guys tell their stories, you know, some of them are smart, some of them are meat heads, I think they have a nice balance, some guys don't want to get into a fight, some guys are like, one guy's just like, sometimes I just want somebody to say something just to give me an excuse, he's like fucking squeezing his fists together, he's sweating and shit, it's a great one, all right that's the podcast for this week, thank you everybody for listening,

once again let me give out that email again, just so you have it because I haven't given it out in a long fucking time, all right, once again, if you would like to email the podcast, send your overrated, underrated and all that bullshit and ask me advice, whatever you want to do, it's bill at themmpodcast.com, all right, that's it, I hope you guys have a great week and look at me getting the podcast up on time, all right, go fuck yourself. And keep it company, it's the real thing, it's what the world wants today, it's the real thing, it's what the world wants today, it's the real thing. It's the real thing, it's what the world wants today, it's the real thing.

It's the real thing.