Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-21-16

Episode Date: July 21, 2016

Bill rambles about weed, the ocean and holding your calls.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking it on you. I'm checking it on you because I give a fuck, right? I care about you. Oh, who's the freckled con? That gives a fuck. I do. How's your week going? Everything going good with you? I hope it is. Oh, Frank, freckles. The pasty old fucking man, 48 years old. My back feels better than it has since I don't know when. I've just been going to the chiropractor and getting this fucking shit beat out of me in massages. It's finally, I don't know, it's fucking great. I guess my spine was compressed and twisted for decades. After having professionals beat the shit out

of me for like weekly, for like the last since May, I guess. I don't know. I think I finally, they undid it or whatever, but now like when I go to stretch, when I go to the whole thing, you lay on your back and this young people won't know this because they just get up off the couch and start running. They're fine because they're young, but old people, you know, this you lay on the floor, right? You get down on the floor, right? You make that noise and you going down and getting up. It's the same noise, right? You get down on the fucking ground and then you bring one of your knees up to your chest, right? And then you bring it over to one side and then you have your arms sticking out, you know, like almost like you're doing like some

sort of old timey football move, right? High stepping over somebody. But when I do that on the ground now, I just bring that over and my back just cracks from the lower back to about three quarters of the way up and that never used to, I wouldn't crack at all. It was just all fucking jammed in there and I feel good, man. I've been working out. I've also been eating like a fucking animal though. Went to a barbecue Sunday. So that's all she wrote with that, right? And I did a show. So I ate barbecue and then I also fucking ate in a comedy club, Green Room. I was working down there in Hamosa at the comedy and magic club and, which is really fucking cool to go down there now because whenever I look at the pier, I'm like,

that's the thing I fly over, right? But, you know, as I'm coming down, you know, there's the Hamosa beach pier and then Manhattan beach pier. When you get to that one, you got to be down around like, you know, like 300 feet. And that's when you call LAX and say, hey, I want to fucking skedaddle underneath the fucking jets there, right? And I never knew where any of that, I never knew where the beaches were. I mean, look at me. Why the fuck with this red edit cut? No where the beaches are. The only reason why I know where the beaches are is so I know how to drive in the opposite direction. I fucking hate the beach. I fucking, oh my God, I hate the beach. I love the fucking beautiful brown people that go there, you know, tanning themselves up. God

bless you. I sit there like the boy in the bubble, you know, and one of those Ford Astros with the sliding fucking door with the AC on looking out like the boy in the bubble, right? I fucking hate it. I get there. It's hot as fuck. It's boring. I'm terrified to go in the ocean. I'm not fucking going in there. It's goddamn sea monsters and they're going to fucking grab you. You know? What a bunch of idiot. We're going to have a fucking moron. I just, I'll never get over that. The fact that people just swim in the fucking ocean and they're like, oh, there's a shark attack today. Yeah. You know what's funny? Somebody goes to the fucking zoo and they, they, they crawl into the fucking cage and they get attacked. Everybody's general consensus, consensus is yes, it's a tragedy

and the fuck were you going in there for? What'd you think was going to happen? You know, you go to the beach and you go into the fucking ocean. Everybody acts like it's a big, I guess a big surprise. How did that happen? I can't believe it. You went into an unnatural environment, right? Into something where there was a bunch of shit there that could kill you when something did or took a chunk out of you, took a fucking bite out of you, you know, and you come stumbling out of there. I don't know why it just makes me think of an unfinished cigar when somebody gets bit, right? You know what? I went to this fucking party, right? And I brought in so many, for my birthday, it got me this really incredible box of cigars. So I, I immediately call all my friends

because, you know, or whatever, it's like, because I'm not going to smoke all 10 of these fucking things. First of all, that's not what cigar smoking is about. It's a social thing, right? And secondly, I don't want to smoke all of them because I'm trying to keep the habit at bay, all right? Special occasions once to twice a month, right? So I brought it over there and there was a bunch of hovering cunts who all showed up. Everybody acting like they're fucking cigar smokers. And so I'm handing them out to these, these people I don't fucking know. And I turned my back and like 15 minutes later, like three of them have been stomped out. They're like, they weren't even halfway done. It's fucking idiots. Anyway, so I just, I figure that's you, you get bit by a shark, you

know, you come in, takes like, you know, the bottom 30 you off and you come out like a, like a fucking unfinished cigar. No, I don't fucking know. It made sense to me. Visually, that's what I thought of. They're not all going to beat gems. Relax. This podcast doesn't even count. This is me just checking in on you. Oh, Billy back brace, huh? Took it off like fucking forest gump. I actually feel like I could run. The only downside to my back feeling as great as it does right now is I have to fight myself from doing something really stupid. But as always, I was psyched. I didn't have to use any drugs. I stayed away from all of that shit. And it reminded me of that guy when I used to watch that doc, the Dr. Drew show, the celebrity rehab. And there was that guy from taxi who

since passed away and he kind of got hooked on painkillers and shit. He's always bitch about his back. And I remember I just whatever reason I was just thinking about that go man, I wish that guy went to a fucking chiropractor in a masseuse instead of going down the fucking painkiller route. I don't know who knows. He might have fucking done heroin first. He might have fucked up his back, nod, nod off on heroin. Although they tend to stand pretty upright. They keep their backs straight and then their legs bend. I don't know. But as always, I don't know what the fuck's going on. Yeah, so Monday night, Sunday night, sorry, I went to the comedy magic club worked and that's not an easy room. It's not an easy room to do well. And those people have seen

a ton of fucking comedy, you know, Jay Leno goes down there every Sunday. So they're used to seeing the top not shit. So you know, if you go down there and you half-ass it, you get a bomb. So I had a good set. Fortunately, I had something in the middle of my set though. I was leaning on the mic stand and I had my arm sort of like instead of leaning on how I usually do, I had my arm up and something was like pushing into my elbow. And when my hand was like that, I went to close my make a fist and like my middle my index and my fucking ring finger wouldn't close. It was like in slow motion. Really freaked me out. I don't know what the hell I did, but it, well, I'm basically telling you people as I'm falling apart. But my back feels good. So anyway, so that was the first

night of me eating like an asshole, but I still work out every day, fucking crushing the elliptical, I give it back at night a little bit, fucking drink here or a fucking cheese stick, whatever the fuck I have, right? But then Monday, last second, a buddy of mine called me up and said, hey, Sting and Peter Gabriel are playing at the fucking Hollywood Bowl, right? So I said, you know what? I bet Vinny Kaliuta is playing drums. I got to go see that. That's like a bucket list. He's one of my favorite drummers of all fucking time. And he's one of those guys who just keeps getting better. He's an absolute monster. I mean, the guy's like pushing 60 years old and he could still like blow away young drummers in their teens. You know what I mean? A lot of young

drummers just think, you know, all the young guys are the shit and they're all fucking flashy. And then guys get older, you know, they stop practicing or whatever. He's one of the few fucking guys. There was no drop off. He just kept getting better and better and better and better. So I say, fuck this, right? So I called up somebody, you know, who was in the know and I was like, hey, is Vinny playing tonight? And they were like, they got back to me and I was like, that was the game changer right there. I was like, I got to go fucking see it, right? So I go on the hub of the stub there, the old stub hub and just pay through the fucking nose, get as close as I can. So now I'm all fucking excited. I'm all down low, right? And I'm fucking going, oh my God, you look at,

they got two drum kits up there. I'm guessing Peter Gabriel is going to open, do a set, then Sting's going to do a fucking set. And then in the end, they're going to come out and sing fucking Havana, Gila, whatever, they're going to do some sort of on court together, right? The fucking show starts. Okay. And there was so many fucking people on stage. I didn't know what was going on. And Peter Gabriel all of a sudden is like, you know, he's guys like right in front of us. He sings one of his fucking, I don't know, world music songs. It was amazing. And his voice sounded fucking incredible. And I'm like, okay, Peter Gabriel and his giant band here, his giant ass fucking band with two drummers and shit is, is going to fucking open and then Sting's going to come out. I'm going to

see Vinny, right? He finishes the first fucking song. He walks off stage and then all of a sudden Sting just walks out and he's like, what the fuck? Right? And he starts playing there. If I ever lose my faith in you, right? He starts singing that song. And I'm like, wait a minute, wait a fuck, Vinny, I realize he's been playing the whole fucking time. He's just behind these, this fight. I don't want the fuck. It was somebody's amps or some shit. So all I could see was like the top of his head, but there was like video screens and stuff. So of course I was standing on my tiptoes to watch it. But what killed me about his playing is, you know, every great musician has a voice, right? I know this is like hacky to say that, but that fucking guy, the bell of his ride symbol,

and when he plays the cross stick on his snare, it's just undeniably like that's fucking Vinny Kaluyuta. And the fact that he was making that noise that close to me and I was immediately hearing it and just all the times that I've listened to all the music that he's made with Sting and everybody else, the fact that they were actually reproducing it live right there was fucking nuts to me. You know, like they're playing these songs for us. This is fucking incredible, right? So then the concert go and they just keep flip flopping back and forth. So Sting finished his fucking song and then Peter Gabriel came back out, but Sting stayed and fucking played bass on Peter's shit. And then they just kept going back and forth. And occasionally Peter did too.

And then Sting do a couple. Occasionally Sting would walk off and Peter would do his thing and then vice versa, whatever. And finally in the middle of it, or maybe towards the beginning, they talked to the crowd a couple of times and they basically said that they both had bands and they're kind of competing with each other's band. And Peter Gabriel's band was the red band and Sting's was the blue band. And then I finally noticed, oh, one drummer's got red, the other Vinny's playing on blue drums. And the way he told the story, they were just having a battle of the bands and they were like, why don't we fucking go on tour? All I can say is it was an incredible night. They played like all the fucking hits. Peter Gabriel played big time,

Sledgehammer, Shock the Monkey, Red Rain, Sting played fucking sending out an SOS, bunch of shit off, Ten Summers Tales, some shit off of Soul cages. It was some police stuff. It was fucking amazing. It was fucking amazing. And, you know, definitely a bucket list night. But of course, I was in the crowd and at the Hollywood Bowl, they either drink wine, which just gives me a brutal hangover. Oh, they had these giant fucking beers, which I got to be honest, he just does nothing to me. It's just this, it's like, it's like somebody just handed a job. Hey, why don't you drink this? Like, yeah, fuck, and I get really nothing out of it. It's why I like whiskey, you know,

gives you a little right there, Fred. And it's just a couple of swallows. But anyways, Jesus Christ, the level of musicianship, the backup singers, one in particular was just, they kept, you know, giving her solos and stuff. She was incredible. Got to watch Sting play bass, got to watch them up close. The weird way he kind of comes from the side rather than a lot of bass players that kind of have their hand up top, rest of their thumb on the low E or whatever the fuck that string is. And he's, he looks like he's coming at it from the side like a fucking crab. It was really interesting. But anyways, it was like some of the best musicians you're ever going to see.

So that's what I did Monday. And then Tuesday we came in, we did the polish up after the table read of episode 10 and we recorded episode 10. And that's it. Oh, fucking Billy Redface is on fucking summer vacation here. And I got a nice, I don't know what I got, I got about nine days before I go off to the European tour. And I'm going to work out like a madman, still, you know, have a couple, two, three drinks, whatever, work hard, play hard, what are you going to do? And I plan to have a nice, I want to have a healthy fucking tour over there. You know, my wife isn't going on this run, she's going to meet me over there afterwards, we'll take a few days to hang out. But during the whole run, it's a thrash, it's like a different

city every fucking night. So it's kind of boring and pointless. You're really just saying to the person who isn't doing shows like, Hey, do you want to, do you want to go over to Europe and like pack and unpack every fucking day? And they're like, Yeah, no, I don't, and barely see anything. That's what I'm offering you. So what I want to do, the first night I'm working with Joe de Rosa in Dublin on one of the shows, it's an earlier show, which is odd to me, but whatever, that's not my fucking deal, right? So that night's a wash. I mean, we're going to get shitfaced. Then the next night, I'm in Belfast, and I got to drive up and drive back. So that night I'll fucking take it easy. I can't hear all the Irish people bitching already, I stopped being a pussy,

drink every night, I can't do it, because I got to make sure I have good shows. And then I got Galway, going to chill for that, then London chill for the first night. Second night, I'm going to maybe, you know, knock a few back. And then I go to Scotland, I believe. And two nights there, I'll just fucking chill. And then the third night, you know, that's going to be hard because it's the whole fucking, the festivals going on over there. So I'm going to be meeting a ton of comedians. That might be a rough one. And then Germany, I don't got to worry about shit. Who's getting who? I got to go out and have some beers with Joe. Okay, it's going to get a little rough once I get around Scotland. Who's getting who? But the first half of it, oh, that first half, I'm going to be

healthy. Do the Amsterdam in there? All right, you know what, this whole thing just went off the rails. Okay, for the first few nights in Ireland, I think it's going to be okay one night in London. Other than that, it might be a little rough. But if I can eat well, the problem is when you go over to Europe, though, there's just, there's just fucking, there's no treadmills that these people just don't work out. It's weird. They're not like necessarily fat, but they're not in shape either. They're just sort of people. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, those are arms. You know, yep, they're connected to your torso. They got like, like, I think ellipticals are illegal in England. I don't know what the fuck it is.

Everybody's so jammed in and there in that little island. I'm fucking with you. Obviously, they have gyms over there. So I'm going to try to hit treadmills and shit as much as I can. And I already know how I'm going to open my set when I'm over there. You know, it's going to be, it's going to be a great fucking time. I can't wait to do it. And I'm so psyched that we got the first big chunk of work done on, on Epis for Family, I feel like it can finally fucking, can finally fucking chill out. And coming up this week, by the way, next Monday night is the second, the two year anniversary of the goddamn comedy jam. And they're going to have it at the Roxy down on Sunset Boulevard. And rumor has it that I'm,

I might be down there. I'm going to be down there for that show. It's next Monday night, if you're in the area. And I'm going to be busting out the fucking, I'm going to bust out the fucking green sparkle Ludwig kit. I'm going to bring it down there for that. And I bought it two years ago. I've never played it. I got this 71 Ludwig, it's fucking gorgeous. And right as I got it, I had it all set up and everything. We got, we had the water damage on the house. Fortunately, thank Christ, it didn't come down in the room where the drums were. So immediately went out and I got drum cases and I put the fucking things away. And then, you know, that was a year getting the house fixed and they stayed in cases. And then the next year,

my truck shit the bed. I had to get the engine rebuilt because what I was going to do is put them in the cases and take them over to rehearsal space. I was never able to do that. And then my truck was better. And then I started writing on F is for family. So, and just like that, fucking two years goes by. So I'm busting them out. 71 Ludwig kick. I got the fucking piste cymbals. That whole bottom set up the 15 inch, I had the 24 inch ride complete fucking overkill. And I'm going to play a couple songs. I actually sat down and played drums today for the first time since like March. I played like a drum kit, you know, other than a couple, I think I took two lessons, but that's, you know, different than sitting down and playing. And I'll tell you right

now, I fucking sucked. Oh, Jesus. Oh, sorry, I just blew out the ears there. Oh my God, I was fucking terrible, terrible. I better get my shit together by Monday night. Or I'm just going to look like a douche with a really nice kid who can't fucking play. But I'm really looking forward to doing that. And let me do a little, let me still read here. The one advertising advertisement that we have here for this week. It's our old friends. Oh, a little bit of zip. Are you hiding? Are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates posting your job in one place? Isn't enough to find quality candidates? If you want to find the perfect hire, you need to post all you need to post your job on all the top sites. And now you can

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com slash burr. All right. There you go. Sorry about that. I fucking thought I had the levels down. I guess when you scream zip recruiter, it's bound to go off the rails after a while. All right. So what else did I want to talk about anything? Somebody said that the New York Times did this article for the love of God. I can't find it. They did it in the talking about the legalization of pot. And we're saying in states where weed has become illegal, that prescriptions have gone down drastically, obviously for pain, anxiety, and all of that other stuff. And it's really starting to become the wonder drug man that all the hippies always said. And I always fucking was like, no, booze is legal, blah, blah, blah. And now it's really looking that like booze

does way more fucking damage. Oh, but it's so delicious does way more damage than weed does. So according to this New York Times article, according to this person who said it was in New York Times article, that the pharmaceutical lobbyists are now going after legalized marijuana in every state and they're going to try to start trying to fucking, you know, basically go, oh my God, it's the devil and blah, blah, blah, blah and get people to stop using it and have all this shit about side effects. I bet they'll start showing commercials and all that. But I got to tell you the fact this is the problem. Well, maybe they will. I was going to say the problem that they're going to have is now that the cats out of the bag. Okay. And these states are making so much money

in tax revenue. Right? Like this is whole thing going on in Denver because it's legal at a state level, but not at a federal level. You don't pay federal income tax. And it's this weird fucking thing. So nobody knows. Oh, I know banks won't accept the money. You know, because the banks, federal banks or whatever can't accept the money or whatever. So what these, these people who grow the weed are doing, they're just buying up land. So in Colorado, from what I heard once again, I never read, I listened to people and whatever they say to me, I just considered it as a fact. Right? It's so much easier than doing research. And you know what's great about it? If you fuck up, it makes other people feel smart. You know? Nothing, nothing strokes your ego like correcting

another human being. That's a human being. That thing can speak. It can drive a car. Maybe it can fly a plane to be right. I mean, anybody can be right when there's a dog, you know, there's a fucking dog in the room that doesn't do anything for you. You know, but if it's another fucking person, right, who's got a thumb and shit and can like hold a hammer, if you're fucking rad, that just, it's the greatest. Actually, that was, it was actually 1897. Yes, 1890 Spanish American war. Anytime you get to do that, and then you get to watch them be all fucking mad. Like when I was talking about George Bush, I thought everybody was making fun of him because he didn't dance well. I didn't realize it was some memorial service for, you know,

fallen officers or an officer in particular. I didn't, I didn't look, I just watched the fucking video. Oh, and it just rolled in, you know, everybody. Oh, let's, let's, let's fucking correct old Billy Redbeard, you know, everybody had a great fucking time doing that. But I'm off the rails here. Okay. I still have to say, you know, you know, as much as that wasn't appropriate, which it was completely inappropriate, obviously, it was fun to see him, you know, it was fun to see that he's enjoying his retirement. It's like when you see Letterman, he let the beard go out, he got rid of the fucking toupee, he doesn't give a shit. And when you look at him, a lot of people were saying,

you know, maybe George was a little drunk. And you know what, good for him. Good for that fucking guy, because that fucking guy, he held it together for eight goddamn years. You know, granted, he gave a speech the way I read advertising. Granted, we went into Iraq because there was weapons of mass destruction and we never fucking found any. I love how that fucking story goes away. But if you make fun of fat people as a comedian, all of a sudden you get in trouble. It was like, what about this fucking guy? This guy here was playing fucking Patty cake, Patty cake, Baker's man at a fucking funeral. Good Lord. That guy is like, he's like, when you talk about failing upwards,

I think, you know, something, there's something about that guy. He's just smart enough to know that he's not qualified. And I think that that's why he drinks. I think that's why he's got that fucking vibe. He just, he's kind of like Rodney. Like he does everything but tugs on his collar. I'll tell you, it's a rough one, you know? I don't know. We'll see. We'll see what the fuck happens. But what was I talking about? Oh yeah, in New York times, they were saying that, yeah, that these pharmaceutical lobbyists, you know, we're going to be trying to, you know, fight back, to win back some of their money. Capitalistic society here, right? What do you do? Somebody's taken into your, you're cutting into your territory. What do you do? You go on the offensive,

you start making up shit about him. You lie, you know? That's what you do. So I was going to say, now that the cat is out of the bag legally with weed, I think it's going to be really hard. I was going to say because not only is it appearing to have all these positive effects medically, according to stuff that people said to me that they allegedly said scientists did. It also makes you feel good. That's a rough one, you know what I mean? Whereas all that other shit, a lot of the pharmaceutical stuff just sort of like numbs the pain, all of that stuff, and then you all of a sudden you get onto the heart of drugs and all that, it's really fucking evil. You know, I got a friend of mine, she had problems with her. She couldn't,

something going on with her shoulder. She couldn't pick her fucking arms up past her shoulder. I referred her to this same masseuse that I went to and she immediately was getting results and she was, according to her, was stuck going to these fucking doctors. I'm not totally shitting on doctors and stuff like that, but I don't know. It would be nice if the mainstream medical would kind of let these other people come in. You know what I mean? I mean, it's just that I think the people outside, people outside of the mainstream medical, basically hospitals and shit, I don't even know what mainstream medical means, it just sounds right to me, right? Oh Jesus, I am so out of my fucking element. You know what,

it feels good. I feel like I could start swinging my arms at a funeral right now. When you get outside of hospitals and stuff, you could actually, most people you find don't know what the fuck they're doing, but if you find that gem that's outside of the fucking studio system, basically, they actually can cure, you know, where a lot of this other shit is just treating it and treating it and treating it and treating it until you then get symptoms for something else and then treat that, treat that, treat that, you know? I don't know. It's a fucking shady thing and it's a big fucking problem and it requires a lot of reading and research and I have to be honest with you, I did none of that before I started

talking about seven minutes ago. So there's that subject. What are we up to here? 27, almost 28 minutes. This is all drum nerd shit, but I saw Steve Smith is playing with Journey again. I'm gonna have to go fucking see that. You know, I've never seen him when he played with vital information. I've never seen that guy play life. Got all his fucking DVDs and all that shit. There's another one I got to check off the fucking bucket list, but if that Sting, Peter Gabriel tour is coming to your neck of the woods, do not sleep on it. I've never seen Sting having so much fucking fun and I never realized how goofy and silly Peter Gabriel was. He's got all these synchronized dances and shit. It's fucking hilarious and he's funny as hell. Sting was just really just

taking a backseat when letting Peter shine and all of that all, you know, all that fucking drama that you always heard in that band, the police. It was great seeing Sting just fucking, I mean, granted, the guy still, he looks better than he looked when he was in the police. It's fucking ridiculous. Jesus Christ, clean living and fucking yoga and whatever the fuck he does, that tantric where you come for like fucking 50 minutes, whatever that shit is, it's unbelievable. I mean, the guy looks better than he did fucking 30 years ago. His hair somehow grew back. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck this guy's doing. He looks like it's a combination of like a teen idol and he's in like Mad Max all at the same time. He never kind of like as far as like his wardrobe

though. I will say that guy is never sort of advanced past the synchronicity tour, you know? And when he yells, he always has to put an O at the end of it, you know, when he did rocks and and then when he had wanted to do a calm response with the crowd, with the crowd is going rocks and O. Like where did the O come from? He loves the O. I bet he does that in his castle. You know, his wife yells up, you know, up the fucking goddamn stone stairway, stand, stand, stand. What do you want for lunch, lunch, lunch? And he's up there, a sandwich O. He's fucking driving her nuts. How the fuck does he put O at the end of everything? Just fucking say sandwich, all right? You fucking cunt. What, you get knighted and all of a sudden you

can put an O at the end of everything? You know, anyways, what am I doing here? It was a fucking great show. All right, so I still have to go to work tomorrow. Now we do the animatics. I'll take you through the whole process, everybody, over the next year as we wait for this fucking thing to come out. So once you write the thing and once you record it, before they animate it, they have these things called animatics, which is just rough sketches, okay, of the scenes, the way that they're going to draw, like, you know, they look at the script and says, you know, Frank walks into the house, so they know it's in the house. But there's a lot of other stuff that is sort of variables about where people are standing and where they're sitting, how their eyes are moving and all of

that shit. And it's that this is where it gets a little bit tedious, but it was much harder the first season, the second season. Now everybody kind of knows how everybody creates some shit. So we go in now, and we'll look at the animatic for like the second first, the second episode, and you just look at, you know, as the scenes go, and you'd be like, all right, Frank needs to be standing up here or Sue needs to be doing this or whatever. And I have to be honest with you, I am decent at arm gestures, but I'm really bad at the directing shit, like this should be a two shot, this should be a master and all that. Not only am I bad at it, I have no desire to get good at it. So that's a tough thing. Like I don't give a shit. That is that there's nothing more boring

to me than that. Just sitting there going like this should be over this guy's shoulder and this should be a two shot. Can we dolly in? Can we get a fucking whatever the fuck they say? And I just glaze over it reminds me of when for whatever stupid fucking reason my junior year of high school, like I took algebra two and fucking trigonometry. And it was just like I fucking had to go to summer school after algebra. I barely got out of that shit. I got a fucking D minus in geometry just because my teacher was cool. I flunked it. She gave me the D minus. So I didn't have back to back going to summer school. And I mean, I was lost by I was done. I was done three weeks into September, algebra two and trick. It was fucking over. And I ended up in fucking motherfucking summer school again.

I swear to God, if my geometry teacher didn't hook me up with the D minus, I would have had like a dynasty. I would have three years in a row of summer school. Fucking dope. I don't know. I'll tell you this right now. This is how dumb I am. I can't even remember why I even just fucking told you that. What the hell was I talking about? I just sat up and my whole memory went. What the fuck? I'll ever say what you're right. Then I started talking about something I don't I don't I don't remember. But you know what the great thing is is I don't have to remember anything else who gives a shit because this is this is the this is just me checking in on you. Just peeking into your cubicle or maybe you got an office, you got a door, huh? You feel

good about yourself. You like that door, you put stuff on it, do you close it and say no calls makes you feel good. Then you close the door and you snicker to yourself like I just said no calls. I'm the no calls guy. Hold my calls. Anyways, all right. That's it. That's that's a podcast. Please go see Peter Gabriel and Sting on tour and the amazing Vinny Kaliuta and everybody else in both of those bands. I should have known more of their names. I should have looked it up. But you know, I'm running around like a fucking lunatic. And that's it. If anybody can find that New York Times article, I would really love to read it. And I'm also going to try to read up on all that whole fucking European Union thing for when

I go over there just in case anybody's a cunt to me about not knowing what the fuck's going on in the world, which which I don't. I do know that there was some sort of fucking failed coup attempt in Turkey. Jesus Christ. The only thing scarier than trying to overthrow the government is attempting it and then failing. This is one of the scariest couple of paragraphs I ever read. Turkish president Tayyip T double YIP Erdogan. Tayyip Erdogan declared a state of emergency on Wednesday as he widened a crackdown against thousands of members of the security forces judiciary, judiciary, civil service and academia after a failed military coup. All right. Here's where it gets scary. Erdogan, however you say it, said the state of emergency lasting three months

would allow his government to take swift and decisive measures against supporters of the coup and was allowed under the Constitution. Yeah, they're about to kill a couple thousand motherfuckers. Jesus. That right there is the definition of oh Jesus in the old right there, Fred. Right? There's no cold lotion in there. You know what cold lotion is? Is your final meal on death row? Yeah, man. We'll make you whatever you want. You guys in sweetheart. Yeah. And then we're going to electrocute you. Jesus there. All right. That's the podcast for just checking in on you. I'll see you guys again on talk to you again on Monday. And that's it. Thank you to everybody

who helped fix my fucking back. I feel great. I'm in a great mood. Please enjoy this music. And then we got 30 minutes of some throwback podcasts, greatest hits from a podcast in a year gone by. All right. See you. So I got that out of the way. Then I had two days to hang in New York and then I came down to New Jersey and I'm like, this is going to be great. I got the pressure letterman off me. That's off my fucking back. And now what? Now what do I do? I get to go to one of my favorite clubs in the country. The Stress Factory. I was already talking to Vinny Brand, the club owner. He's got a boat. We were going to go out on his boat on Sunday. Everything was going to be great.

All the shows were fucking sold out. Had a great time. And then what happens? These fucking nerds on the weather channel, what do they do? They turn out all the lights in their studio and they put a flashlight under their chin and just start scaring the living shit out of people. And you know what kills me is every fucking time people buy into it. I was joking about it all weekend. I'm like, nothing's going to happen. I am in my hotel. I don't even have a fucking Snickers bar. Nothing's going to happen. You're going to be fine. All these people going out gathering up fucking food for what? People, do you realize how long you can go without food? Food is no big deal. You need water. That's what the fuck you need. That's what you need. I'm

actually looking here on whogivesafuck.com. How long can a person survive without food and water? Basically, it depends on a number of factors such as body weight, genetic variations, other health considerations, whether you're a fat fuck or not. Most importantly, the presence or absence of dehydration. As long as you got water, people, you can basically go 46 to about 73 days without food. Then that was based on 10 individuals who died on a hunger strike and they all died between 46 days and 73 days. As long as they drank water. If you don't have water, I believe you're dead in about three days. All right, so enough with the fucking milk and eggs. All these soccer moms now for the next fucking three weeks. Who wants cereal? Who wants the, what are you having

cereal and you having an omelet? This isn't going to go to waste. These fucking people telling you to fill up your goddamn bathtub full of, full of, full of water. Just in case. Jesus fucking Christ, I'd rather die than drink out of my bathtub. All right, I washed my fucking dog in there. I'm not drinking out of that thing. Why can't I just stick my head out the window and drink the raindrops? I think those windows be cleaner than the goddamn tub that I wash my dog in and then hit with chemicals. I love stomach cancer by the time the fucking rescue boat comes. You just get water, everybody. Get water, get yourself a couple of fucking zag nut bars and then go down, go down, go down to a goddamn, uh, you fucking 7-11 and go buy a

$8 poncho. You're fine. You're in a house. You're fine. Fucking people, the weather, you know, they cost me half my goddamn gig money. We could have had shows. We could have had shows Saturday night. It was raining hard Saturday night. It could have done both shows. Everybody could have got their fucking laughs. Everybody goes home and then at night, oogily boogily. The fucking hurricane. Oh, hurricanes come through the northeast. It's like, it's like an old prize fighter by the time it comes to us. It's all fucking punch drunk and people have no business standing out in it because they should have got knocked out,

have no fucking problem and they just sit there laughing at it. All right? That's what it is. That's what a hurricane is in the northeast. It, you know, when it's down south, it's Cassius Clay right before he becomes Muhammad Ali. By the time it gets up to Jersey and New York, it's fucking Ali when he fought Larry Holmes every fucking time. Yet these people, they all run out the weather channel. How long you guys, you guys think Fox News lies to you or CNN, depending on what side of the political fence you're on. You want to, you want to see some lies put on the weather channel. Anytime there's a storm, scaring the shit out of you. Every time there's going to be, it's going to be four to six inches. Holy shit. That's almost up to my calves.

How will I ever get to where the food is? Four to six inches. Jesus Christ. Who are they talking to? 80 year olds? Even then, you know, 80 year old people, they'll be fine. They're already wearing a sweater. They're dressed for a blizzard year round. Does anybody work for the weather channel? Does anybody who listen to my podcast, can you please tell me, well, who's behind? Yeah, I think the supermarkets are behind that, right? Ralph's, Shaw's, Gelson's, fucking Whole Foods, all of them. That's their payola. You know, with the big time corporations, they wait for the political elections. That's when they start throwing their money around and start calling up a

truck full of hookers to go blow some Bible Belt and douchebag, right? I'm married. I got five kids to love my wife and I love Jesus to support the troops, right? Then what do they do? They throw a big pile of money at him, have two, three horse drop to their knees and next, what next, what happens next, huh? He comes on his blue blazer. That's what happens. Everybody goes all over his red tie and then he goes, ah, Jesus Christ. All right, you got me. You own me. You got video of it. Just tell me what you want me to do. I will pass any bill you want me to pass for the love of God. Don't let my wife see that. That's basically how that works. Well, let's stay on track here. Okay, the fucking weather, does anybody listen to my podcast work? Did they ever work? Can you give

me any sort of anonymous behind the fucking scenes over there? Why every time it's just gonna rain? Do they scare the living shit out of us? Why is that? You know, how often are they right? It always, it's always downgraded to a tropical storm by the time it comes here. Someone was telling me the entire East Coast, the way it's shaped, that's from years of hurricanes, comes right into Florida and Georgia, South Carolina, gets in a nice fucking uppercut to their southern balls and then slows the fuck down right over the Carolina, Virginia. You know, then what? Time it hits DC, Barack Obama's out on the porch drying off his nuts with those nice wind, that nice hurricane wind, right? Oh, Jesus,

I don't know what I'm talking about. I just want to fucking go home. I was actually thinking, you know, when you fuck up in life, you're like, God, if I could just go back 48 hours, however, do this differently, there's an avus in the lobby of my, Jesus, as a callback. Remember this time we left this comedian, he was always late. We had a car service to the airport. We were so sick of waiting for him, we were gonna miss our flight. We just took off without him. We said, fuck him. And we got halfway to the airport and he calls up, all pissed off. He's like, yo, where the fuck were you? Where the fuck were you? We're like, dude, we waited for you 20 minutes. You didn't show up. And he's like, I was in the lobby.

And that became the catchphrase for the rest of the tour. I was in the lobby. Anytime you fucked up and people were calling you on some shit, you went over your time. No, I didn't. Yes, you did. I was in the lobby. Oh, and it made us laugh. I don't know if it made you laugh. I don't give a shit. What are you expecting from me? I'm stranded. I feel like I'm being held hostage and my captors forgot about me, you know? Or maybe it was just all a practical joke. I have no idea. So whatever, here I sit. You know, is anything sadder than a stranded comedian with no shows to do? They got a 24 hour gym downstairs. I haven't used it. I've been talking to you guys about all the way to eat, the way to lose weight. I haven't been doing

it. I'm eating pizzas. I had fish and chips today. I had fucking hamburgers. This is all during a hurricane. Big bad hurricane. I ringed fucking overrated. So I'm sitting here. I realized, you know, tomorrow, I'm like, finally, I'm getting the fuck out of here. Go home. I can see my girl. I can see my dog, right? Can have a good fucking time. You know, can cruise around in my hybrid. That's what I was looking forward to doing. And all of a sudden, I realized I was stranded here. So what do I do? Do I handle it like a man? Or do I start cursing like a little bitch? You know what the answer is. So once I'm done having my fucking temper tantrum, excuse me, I ask the fish and chips, I say, all right, I'm going to rent a fucking, rent a movie here in

the hotel. So I go to rent a movie. It's called Catching Hell. It's a documentary about the guy with the glasses who was at the Cubs game who reached up for that foul ball that Moises Alou was allegedly going to catch. So I hit the info to watch the trailer. And they're talking about they got this guy on there going and says how he worked for Sports Illustrated. And his assignment was to find this guy. What the fuck his name was Steve Mizorak. I don't know. I'm not from Chicago, so I don't give a shit. I don't know what his name is. All right. His is, he goes, my assignment was to find this guy. And he goes, my heart sank, you know, because I actually felt for this guy. I didn't want to go see him. And I said to my editor, why can't we just leave this guy alone?

Can't we just leave the guy alone? He goes, no, go find him. And then they start showing the highlights of this dude. And for those of you who don't know the play, basically the Cubs have won the World Series since 1908. You know, they're a game away from going, they're five outs away from going to the fucking World Series. Sorry to all the Cub fans. Just hit fucking mute for the next 10 minutes. They got the five outs away. So some dude, right, left-handed batter hits a slicing foul down the left field line. It's right there. And the Cubs left fielder, Moises Alou. He's got a chance to make a play. And all the, all these fans reach up to grab the ball, but it just hits one guy. And Moises Alou flips out because he doesn't catch it. And he

sort of yells towards the fans like, what the fuck? I could have caught that. And then after that, the wheels start falling off, but they got a double play ball. Gonzalez could have made it, but he booted it. And then they let up eight runs. They lose the game. And then they lose game seven. And then everybody wants to murder this fucking kid. So this guy is basically sold that they're going to basically interview the guys as far as I could fucking tell. And I'm like, Jesus Christ, that's fascinating. Let me watch this. God knows I got the time. Let me watch this movie. All right. So I go to order it. And it doesn't allow me to. So I got to call downstairs to have the, you know, I don't know what, somebody had kids or something. They

didn't want to rent a porno. So I had to get that, you know, switched over so I could actually be an adult and pick out a movie. So I watched this fucking thing. All right. About the cubs, about their history, about their curse, about this poor bastard that got used as the scapegoat. This is what I was sold. This is the bill of goods I was sold. Okay. After 36 hours of being lied to by the fucking weather channel, I want some truth in my life. This is what you're telling me this thing is about. This is how you're advertising it. I want to see it. Do you know what the first 15 minutes of that movie was? It was taking me through the Red Sox in 1986 as they excruciatingly slowly

replayed the Bill Buckner incident. And I'm sitting there watching it. All of a sudden, I'm looking at Bill Buckner. I'm like, what did I order the wrong fucking thing? I don't want to see this shit. Do you understand? This is like my baseball 9 11. I don't ever want to, you know, that like the 10 year anniversary of 9 11 is coming up and like, I don't want to watch any of that. I don't ever want to see that footage again. Like how the fuck could you ever forget it? It's absolutely fucking horrific, horrific. I don't want to see it. I don't need to see it to remember it. I'll never forget. It's our Pearl Harbor. My grandmother still doesn't like Japanese people because of Pearl Harbor. Okay, if she can remember that shit, I don't think I got a

problem with something 10 fucking years ago. Okay, so now anyways, total total fucking tangent there. So I'm watching this thing and for the first 20 just to warn Red Sox fucking fans, the first fucking 15 minutes of this movie is the Bill Buckner thing, the thing that we left behind. It's so funny because Paul Versey just texted me the night before during the hurricane, typical fucking Yankee fan, typical Yankee fan living in the past, right? He texts me. He goes, Hey, Bill, what was what was worse for a Red Sox fan? He goes Buckner or Aaron Boone. Just out of nowhere. We weren't even talking baseball. And I was just like, I was like, neither do that. It's like, I don't even think about that shit anymore, to be honest with you. And then he gets mad at me. A typical Red Sox fan, terrible

fucking answer, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know what he wanted out of me. So I just text him back. It's like, dude, I haven't thought about that shit since 2004. It's over. You know what it is? It's Yankee fans used to be able to bully Red Sox fans about that shit, because we hadn't won one forever. So they just, I think that they miss, they're kind of like our big brother who just beat the shit out of us forever. And then one day we were the same height and kicked the shit out of him. And then they just, it was over. We're not scared anymore. We expect to beat you. It's fucking over. And I think they still don't know what to do. Wait a minute. We used to tease you and we used to always win. And yeah, now you don't. Now you don't. Now we got this, the biggest choke

of all fucking time has hung around your neck. That'll never be beaten. When do you guys think another $220 million, $10 million team, whatever the fuck it was, with five first ballot hall famers are going to lose four games in a row, have to beat up three games to none. I'm asking you to a fucking team that hasn't won a World Series in like 100 years, right? He had just asked me about that. And I swear to God, I had not thought about Buckner. Yeah, since like 04, it was fucking, it was over. It was great. I don't even give a shit now. I don't even give a shit. And I gotta tell you, it's phenomenal to sit down and watch a Red Sox game and expect something good to happen. And when something bad happens, you get upset at the player rather than some sort of specter or

some sort of ghost or some ugly, boogly horseshit, right? So I'm going to watch this fucking thing. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, they're showing, I mean, dude, they broke, they almost broke down Bill Buckner more than they broke down this poor Cubs fan. And in the end, the dude doesn't get the interview. There's no interview. They just, but I still recommend it. I'm still recommending it because they show, they talk to the people, some people, I guess they found the people who like threw beer at them. They talked to the security guard, he was removing them, giving them shit that he now feels bad that he did. And they have the footage of him going out of the ballpark and putting the jacket over him. It's fucking amazing what happens to this dude. And I totally

recommend it, but I just, there should have been some sort of warning for a Red Sox fan. It was like walking, go running into your old psycho girlfriend, somebody who stalked you or something, just somebody you just hadn't even thought about. 2004, seven years, I haven't thought about that shit. I haven't even thought about that in fucking seven years and all of a sudden this documentary about the Cubs, they just go blow by blow through the Buckner thing because I guess they wanted to show how Buckner was used as the scapegoat despite the fact Bob Stanley threw the wild pitch and how this kid was used as the scapegoat for the Cubs despite the fact that Gonzales booted a fucking double play ball, which would have got him out of the inning.

I don't know. It's definitely interesting, but I was more than upset. And they even show the Aaron Boone home run, which I don't even remember because that was basically annoying for about 12 months because it was immediately rectified. But it was just one of those things. I don't know. I don't fucking know. But I got to be honest with you. I never really felt bad for Cubs fans. I never did because, you know, they didn't have that anger. They're the Midwest. I don't know what it is. They're positive. I don't know what it is. They just didn't have that anger or misery. You know, with the Red Sox back in the day, it was every Yankee success was our failure. And with the Cubs, they just, you know, hey, let's play two.

Is it bitty, dude? Was like a big fucking keg party, you know? It's like they didn't even give a shit. Even that their curse was stupid. The curse of the goat was just fucking stupid. Made no sense. It's a ballpark. You got a goat. It doesn't belong here. It's going to shit all over the place. Get it out of here. I curse you, really. Any fucking ways. So they actually bring up what like scapegoating. I'm actually ruining this entire thing. You probably don't have to fucking rent it. They start talking about what is how they came up with that terminology, the scapegoat, and it went back to religion. Oh, geez. That I guess back in the day, I don't know what the hell religion it was. They're all fucking stupid when you really get down to it. Other than they

do one to other stuff that every religion has. They would basically have a goat. They bring a goat in. I'm thinking, all right, they're going to sacrifice it or whatever. And they wouldn't. The priest would lay his hands on a goat for once instead of some unsuspecting child. Oh, a little molestation joke for you. How'd you guys like that? Huh? Do you like that on your Monday? Do you think that that was crossing the line? Well, fuck you. I'm stranded in New Jersey. Fucking New Jersey. Huh? Jesus Christ. What a bunch of animals. You don't amaze me about New Jersey is how they still support John Bon Jovi or the Bon Jovi band to the point that that band can sell out giant stadium. Still, unbelievable. That's Jersey for you.

70,000 people singing along. Lay your hands on me. Your love is like bad medicine. Fucking acid wash as far as the eye can see. Dirty Jersey. Actually, I think New Jersey underrated is New Jersey. It's fucking phenomenal. All these New York snobs. Paul Versey being one of them. I'm really trashing him this week. Paul Versey is your typical New York snob. And I hope you're listening to this, Paul, or I hope when somebody sends this to you. Yeah, he's a snob. He's one of those guys who just thinks because he's on the other side of an imaginary line that all of a sudden, I don't know what, that the trees are greener, the grass is gray. I don't know what the fuck it is.

You know, I really realized like most New Yorkers judge New Jersey on their drive to Newark airport when they go by all those chemical plants. Look at it. It's a fucking shithole. Oh, right? Despite the fact that all some of the most major celebrities live here. What do you think they live next to the plant? You know, all those fucking guys down on Wall Street, the children of the Illuminati, they all live out there in Red Bank with their fucking Rockefeller estates. I know, but they got New Jersey license plates there for it must suck. Anyways, let's get back to the scapegoat. So basically, the you know, the priest would take a day off from Diddlin kids and he'd lay his hands on a farm animal

and one would think he would grab the horns and then start fornicating. But this that's another story. What they would do with the goat is he'd lay his hands on it and he would basically somehow, I guess after everybody confessed to this douchebag, he would then place all of the sins on the goat and then they would just banish the goat and send it out of town with all the sins and then everybody's souls were going to be clean again. But this is the funny thing. As the goat left, people would line up on either side of the street and they would they would heckle the goat and cheer at him. Yeah, you fucking adulterous piece of shit. Yeah, why don't you jerk off again, you cunt, just yelling about the sins that they did. I don't know what it was.

Yeah, keep stealing from the pot at work, you selfish prick, yelling at a farm animal. You know, I swear to God, I would love to have a segment on here of all the stupid fucking things that they do in religion that people, you know, there's no fucking way there wasn't somebody like me back then going to this is why are we yelling at a goat? You know, I mean, you banged somebody's fucking wife, you stole money from work. You know, you booted an old lady in the ass. Do you really think it's in the goat now and it's just walking? I just don't fucking get it. Even if they filled your head up with it as a kid, at some point you got to be looking at it like this is a fucking goat. It's got nothing to do

with it. So anyways, they would just cheer at this thing and they'd send it out of town and then everybody would be absolved. And I don't know where the goat would go. Sometimes they say they take the goat and they would throw it off a cliff. You know, it's extra painful for me because I fucking love goats. I really do. I was actually feeding some this morning. I don't know what it is about them. I think they're fucking hilarious. You know, I got this buddy who lives out here, right? It's got this giant house. There's all this fucking land and he's got farm animals, farm animals on it. And I'm thinking he's got these fucking things because he's like me. He likes, he thinks goats are funny or whatever and it isn't. I found out

that there's tax laws out here that if you farm on your land, you only have to pay property taxes on one acre. So he went out and got these goats. He doesn't even give a shit about them. Can you fucking believe that? He's got like 10 goddamn goats and he has to go out there with his bucket of feed every day. He's got to feed these things and his heart isn't in it. That's what kills me. It's just, just pay it. Just pay the taxes. If I, it would be worth it to not get out there with that lunch pail of Cheerios every fucking morning. Jesus fucking Christ. What is it? It's just money. It's paper. Who gives a fuck? You just, you know, work a couple extra hours. Fuck it. What do I owe you? You sit down. You write numbers on a piece of paper.

You stick it in a magic envelope. You fucking lick it. You send it out. Next. Jesus Christ. You're going to sit there and have a bunch of goddamn livestock. This fucking guy, swear to God. If, if, if you had a giraffe, what do you guys want? What do you guys want? Hang on. This is the hotel. Yeah. Sorry about that. I had to go answer the phone. I couldn't even figure out how to work the fucking phone. It's probably somebody above me. That's probably yelling too loud. God knows what they were mad about. You know, just thinking about some of the shit I've made fun of, you know, Jesus, bestiality and Bon Jovi. Yeah, they all hold the same weight here in New Jersey.

The hell was I talking about? Oh yeah, this fucking guy, swear to God, if he, if he would get a giraffe, he'd get like five giraffes if he only had to pay like a quarter acre tax. That always amazes me when people like that end the money. You know, I mean, I, I obviously give a fuck about money. I want to have enough to survive. But, uh, the amount of shit that didn't work and I never took it back just blows my mind. I, I, I've probably kept at least 25 grand worth of shit that doesn't work in my life. I just, ah, you gotta be shit. Hey, see, what the fucking problem? These fucking pieces of shit. And I go off and my girl goes, Oh, why don't you return it? I'm not doing that shit.

Standing down there with the sales slip, like some angry old fucking lady. I'm not doing it. Who the hell would be calling me? Now I'm all self-conscious. Ah, whatever. If I'm too loud, knock on my door. I swear to God, I bet it was the Bon Jovi shit. Um, anyways, let's get on with the podcast. This is the Monday morning podcast, everybody. If you're new to this podcast, welcome. Um, this is yes. And if you're thinking this is extra dirty and extra angry this week, no, this is how it is every fucking week. All right. Do one of these every week. I do them on Monday mornings because I know most people hate their

jobs or they hate their commute. They hate their spouse or they hate themselves. You know, and they need, they need a break. And it's also a great way to whore out wherever the fuck I'm going to be. Speaking of which, I am going to be in Columbus, Columbus, Ohio at the funny bone down at the mall, not bragging on the September 9th, 10th, and 11th. That is my next gig. I'm going to try to go to that Ohio State game. You know, it's in September. That's always a dangerous one. You know, to go to a college football game in September. Who are they playing? Huh? They playing Wentworth Technical Institute.

You know, I'm new to college football the last couple of years and every deadly, that's what they do. They got all their cupcake games in the beginning of the year. And I guess these other colleges, uh, they pay money to, to play these giant teams and get the living shit kicked out of them on television just to, I don't know what, to expose, to get TV exposure for their school. I have no idea. Speaking of scapegoats, their entire fucking division three team goes out there a bunch of, against a bunch of roided up division one guys or whatever the fuck they're doing now. I don't know. And then they get the shit kicked out of them. But I don't know. Every once in a while, an Appalachian's Mountain State

community college will beat a Michigan. So I don't know who they're playing that weekend, but I'm going to go down there. I was looking forward to it until I spent fucking 14 straight days on the road. But, uh, anyways, the podcast, um, anyways, if you want, if you want to me to read any emails, any questions you have, any or underrated, overrated, uh, send them to bill at the mm podcast.com. If you like to follow along on the podcast, go to www.themmpodcast.com. Now a lot of you guys keep just typing in mm podcast.com and like, what the fuck? I can't find it. It's the mm podcast.com like the Ohio State University. Okay. That's what it is. That's where all the YouTube videos videos are. That's where you can contact me and all of that stuff. We have a

donation button. If you'd like to donate any sort of money towards the podcast, we'd greatly appreciate it. And, uh, we also have, uh, the podcast select. And this is where I interview interesting people. I've only done one of them, but I like to speak of them as if it's a giant library. I got one, then 99 cents. There's a great way to contribute. 99 cents and you get something. If you want to listen to NFL football star, write tackle E from Salam. Talk about trying to rip somebody's voice box out as they, as that guy tried to fucking break his arm. That interview is there. And, uh, I will be doing Monday morning podcast selects as I meet interesting guests. That's how I'm doing them. All right. When somebody, uh, somebody different. Okay. Because,

uh, I don't want to interview other comedians. I just feel too many podcasts are doing that. I've done too many podcasts talking about comedy. I don't have any comedy stories left. I really don't. And I got to be honest with you, aside from a couple of people who are really good interviewers, the Mark Marins, Joe Rogan's and that type of shit. Uh, I probably should have saved most of them for, uh, the unmasked that I did with, uh, Ron from Ron and Fez. I don't know where you can find that, but I did one of those this past week. And, uh, I just been running my yap all fucking week. Why don't, why don't we get to something entertaining here? Uh, somebody sent me a, um, this YouTube video this week. You really have to watch it. Okay. It's one of those shows. It's

basically, it's a rip off of the view. It's four broad sitting around and they got, you know, the same thing. You know, they got the older one. They got the sexy one. They got the one who was fat and then got her fucking stomach tied up like a goddamn balloon knot. Now she's dropping weight faster than a junkie. Right. I didn't know if that's true. I just looked around. You know, they got the racially mixed chick and they all got on their fucking shoes. Right. They're little outfits. Uh, hang on a second. Hang on a second. Somebody's knocking. I'll let you know what this is. All right. You guys aren't going to believe this shit. That was security. And they just said that they, they had a noise complaint. There was a lot of, uh,

a guy comes to, I go to the door, right? This is so pathetic that at 43 I'm getting reprimanded. I feel like I'm in fucking high school and I talk like it too. Let me adjust the levels here or maybe you turn up yours because I don't want to get kicked out of here. Um, so you open the door and there's a security guard and he goes, uh, are you Ben? And I'm like, no. Cause I know he, I know that he knows my name's Bill, but this is the thing. When security interrogates you, you never offer any information. You know, are you bent? No. And then I just looked at him like, is there anything else I can help you with? And he's like, uh, yeah. And he looks down on a piece of paper. Oh, are you Bill? And I was like, yes, yes I am. And

he goes, uh, yeah, we, uh, we got a noise complaint from, uh, people on either side of you. Uh, these are VIP rooms on either side of you and, uh, talking about, uh, it's very loud. There's a, uh, a lot of cursing. And I'm like, all right. He goes, is there anyone else? No, wait, wait, wait. He told me, can you step out in the hall and I go for what? He goes, I need to step out in the hall and I said, for what? And then he just goes into his spiel. You know, what the fuck do I need to step out in the hall for? Am I going to be able to hear you better? You know, sitting there, acting like your goddamn state trooper with your fucking sport coat on. It has the name of the hotel on the lapel. I'm supposed to step out in the hall. I don't

know who you are. Right. I'm such a dick. It's ridiculous. Right. So I made him basically say, I just stood in the doorway and he asked me, he goes, is there anybody else in there? And I was like, no. And then he, that's what he basically said that I'm being too loud. Jesus Christ. I was cursing. I think it was, you realize he said there's people on either side trying to sleep. And I was singing Bon Jovi songs at the top of my fucking lungs. All right. I was also talking about bestiality and I was trashing Jesus. You know what? This hotel is cool as hell because when you really think about it, they probably should have kicked me out. All right. So this is going to be my voice for the rest.

This is Bill on punishment voice. I'd like to apologize to everybody here at the Sheridan. Anyways, you know what? Some rich cunts on the other side of the door with a fucking piece of one of those really fancy glasses that they think came from France but actually came from a fucking pottery barn. If you can hear me, go fuck yourself. This is what you get for nuke in the economy. All right. So anyway, so I'm watching this show. These four fucking brats on it. Okay. This is nothing too. He told me this is your one and only warning next time you will be, did he say ejected from the hotel? He had such hacky security, like terminology, you know? I don't fucking know. Do you know how bad I just want to yell

cunt at the top of my lungs right now and get ejected from the fucking hotel just so I can get out of Jersey? Maybe I should call up Paul Versey and tell me to, you know, fuck that. That's what I'm going to do after this podcast. I'm calling up Paul Versey and I'm having them coming down and get me. All right. You don't fucking threaten me next time I come up here. What are you, my fucking dad? Fucking douchebag. Oh, Christ. I swear to God. You know what's funny about the male voice? Is it, uh, is it carries? You haven't noticed that? When there's a couple next door, you can never hear the woman's voice. You just hear the guy every once in a while go.

You know, you never hear the brunt. So I'm probably gonna get kicked out. What do I do? You know, go fuck yourself. I'll take a cab back to New York. Then they probably, of course, they probably won't show up because they're still afraid, afraid of the weather channel. Anyway, so these four fucking broads are on TV, right? And they ended up, they're talking about that guy. They're doing that story, you know, that story where that dude got his dick cut off. I'm going to have to raise the levels here. There we go. How's that? Is that better? All right. So they're talking about that guy who got his dick cut off. His wife drugged him, tied him to a bed, cut his dick off, threw it in a garbage disposal,

and turned it on. And it was basically because he wanted to get a divorce from her. She mutilated him. She ended the guy's fucking life. And he saw quality life is over. And these women are talking about it. And lo and behold, it's fucking hilarious to them. They had all they could do to keep a straight face during the first minute of setting up the story. And then all the jokes come and they're laughing their fucking asses off. It's the funniest fucking thing ever. And this right here, it's because of that type of shit that I don't feel that I am misogynistic. I just don't. I think that I am just like women. I trash women the way they trash guys. It's just nobody pays attention to the broads. They don't. Do you think of a guy

mutilated a woman in any shape or form that four guys on a pregame NFL show would be laughing about it? You know, Sharon Osborn was the guest and she goes, somebody asked, do you think the guy deserved? And she goes, well, it depends on what he did. You know, I mean, that thought is totally overlaps the thought of those morons in the Middle East who cut women's clits off. You know, it's fucking medieval thought and it's just considered silly. I don't know what it is. I don't know, but it maintains what I've always fucking said that women will do to you exactly what they don't want you to do to them if you let them. And I think why so many guys are miserable in marriages is they get married too fucking young before they really

know how to stick up for themselves in a relationship. And that's why before you know it, you're married and all your shit is either in the basement or the garage and she's barely touching it. And you're wondering what the fuck happened to your life. You know, I don't know. The video is going to be up on the mmpodcast.com, you know, something. This is actually, I like this talking like this. This is very challenging to try and be funny with a late night DJ voice. All right, this next chunk of the podcast goes out to the ladies. Ladies, if you're out there in your single, hang in there. There's a date rapist on the horizon. This next song, break me by Nirvana goes out to all you cunts. I know there's somebody some Vanderbilt on either

side of me going he's cursing again. Anyways, being on the road, what did I want to talk about? Bitches laughing at dick being cut off already talked about that wanting to go home talked about that. All right, last week, I was we showed that YouTube clip about that guy running on that soccer field and getting, you know, getting beat down by the cops and then the crowd overwhelms the cops and beats down the cops. And I wanted to hear from the police officers to just ask basically why there's such dicks when they pull you over. Not in a judgment the way, but just I'm just basically asking the question the way all drivers talk. So we have a cop responding here. He says, hey, Bill, not all cops are assholes. Some are just lazy. The summer after my sophomore year.

Oh, no, no, no, this is a different one. What the fuck is the one from the cop? That's the one I want to hear. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Let's see if I can read this before being ejected from the hotel. You know, it's gonna be the worst is if I do get ejected, this guy's gonna be standing here with this security fucking jacket on in my hotel room watching me gather my things. So once again, I already have a game plan for that. If I come, if there's another knock at my door, I'm not opening it. I'm going to look through the peephole and I'm talking through the door. So we open the door, please. I'm going to go why? Because I'm just going to ask him straight out. Am I being ejected from the hotel?

Yes, sir, you need to let me in and I'll just bolt the door and I'm gonna be like, listen, I'm going to gather my things. I'll be out there in five minutes. You just sit tight. All right. You with no fucking badge. All right. What are you going to do? Take off your shoe. Is that what you're going to do? Try and throw it through the crack in the door. It's not going to hit me. What a fucking asshole. Can you step up to the lobby, into the hallway, please? Have to fuck yourself. Huh? You fucking half a cop. You half a security guard. Well, I step out into the hotel. No, I won't. Okay, then I'll just stay there then. You douchebag.

Anyways, let's plow ahead. So here's a cup. Okay, Bill. The thing about this job is basically that we have no fucking idea who we are dealing with at any given time. Just because someone looks sweet and innocent and just because the situation isn't likely to escalate, doesn't mean that they're not capable of murder or that the situation may go pear shaped quickly. I don't even know what that means. Pear shaped. I don't know what a pear is shaped like. What shape is it before it goes pear shaped? Is it an apple shape? Listen, buddy, you can't talk shop because you're going to lose me. I'm not that brighter guy. Anyways, I can't tell you how many times that someone said to me like I'm going to do anything.

People, oh, what about that person running upstairs? Can you eject that eight-year-old out of the fucking hotel? All right. I feel like right now, either I'm announcing a golf match or I'm reporting live from a hostage situation. Okay, they're talking to him right now. He still has the weapon up to the woman's head. You can clearly see that she's frightening. Okay, there's somebody flanking him on the left. Okay, he doesn't like that. Okay, he's fired a shot. It missed and oh, they just took him down. Oh my God, he's been shot in the head. And they have the woman. Anyways, here we go, plowing ahead here. So anyways, the amount of times this guy pulls people over and the person behind the wheel says,

like I'm going to do anything. People think that I know, oh, the people, the drivers and stuff, think that I know them their whole lives and know that they're incapable of harming anyone, but I don't. I always think back to the academy and all the videos we watched of cops getting killed are nearly killed because they made one mistake or had a lapse in the paranoia that keeps us safe. See that? I knew it. I knew it was something that they showed him at the academy. I said, another thing to remember is that there is a gun at every call and every traffic stop, the gun on my belt. No man is invincible and a lucky punch can knock me unconscious, leaving me vulnerable to take, to them taking my weapon and killing me or others.

For this reason, we like to keep some distance. We don't like to be touched and above all, we can't allow people to get the opportunity to take control of our weapon. So when someone squarely are not listening to my commands, they may get cuffed and put in the back of my car until everything is figured out. They may not like it, but I am going home at the end of my shift, not to the morgue. That leaves another point of control. No one likes to be bossed around and told what to do. But when the police are there, we're there for a reason. Someone called us, or we have a reason to believe that we're needed. Once we're there, we have to be in control. We call the shots, not forego or to be on a power trip, but because if we lose control,

we're fucked. It's our ass if someone gets hurt in our presence, and it's literally our ass if we get hurt or killed. If someone thinks that they can do what they want or walk over me, how am I supposed to do my job? As for the videos you recently posted, those cops with the name changer were absolutely terrible. If there is a lawful warrant for that guy's arrest, despite the reason it is their job to arrest him. The suspect knew about the warrant. I don't know what video this is. It didn't take care of it. Now he has to see a judge. They should have used much more force to take him into custody, but the reality of it is you can't just be able to keep passively resisting a cop until the cops

let you go. They can't let you go. All right, here we go. The video at the stadium was disturbing. They shouldn't have been obviously jabbing the guy with their batons, but they had the right to take him into custody. People running around sports fields isn't and shouldn't be tolerated. Are they supposed to stop the game and wait for him to be finished with running around? What if he assaulted or killed an athlete? Then everyone would be crying that the cops didn't do anything. There's a great point. Also, when we deal with people, 90% of the possible danger from them is their hands. If you're laying on your hands and I can't see them, I will expect the worst. How am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to know what they are laying that they aren't

laying on a weapon? When I want your hand, give me your hand or I will use force to get them out. Yeah. There you go. One last thing is tasers. They are amazing tools. I've been tased in training and yes, it sucks, but it beats getting thumped or shot. Where in the old days, a guy may get the crap beat out of him or his brain concussed. Now he gets an electric ride for five seconds. It's also amazing because the suspect can be cuffed while being tased. Basically less chance for everyone to get seriously hurt. Why should I risk getting seriously hurt or killed going hands on with someone when they can just be tased? Yeah. You know what somebody told me a long time ago? If you get pulled over by a cop, a great way to help them relax and maybe bring down them

being a dick to you is have your hands where they can see them. If it's during the day, I always put them right on the steering wheel. I get pulled over a lot, by the way. Not as much, I guess back in the day I did because I used to just drive 80 miles an hour anywhere I was going. There's only so many fucking farms you can look at. It's funny because I'm still nervous about getting thrown out of here. The only reason why is because some of the roads are washed out and I don't know where the fuck I would go. But I don't know why I'm nervous because I am now speaking in a speaking tone. If I'm not allowed to speak. This is actually great stuff. What if I show the hotel security my hands? Maybe he'll

allow me to stay. Anyways, I put my hands right on top of the steering wheel where they can see them. If it's a sunny day, I have one hanging out the car window where they can see it and the other one I just put on top of my head like an ape chilling out in the zoo. When they sit there and they just have that one arm draped over their head, I sit like that. Then when they show up, I just have my hands on the steering wheel. You know what? They're still assholes. It's kind of a crapshoot. But I think this guy brought up a lot of great points. What the fuck is he supposed to do? That's a great point. If the guy ran on the field and did something to an athlete, then they would blame the security. They would be screaming and yelling at them. Which probably goes back to the weather

channel that if they don't scare the living shit out of people, that they would get blamed for not warning people. But I think it has more to do with scaring people. It gives them great ratings. So I don't know. Any more cops want to weigh in? Here's one for you. I want to know what do you guys think about that? You can anonymously talk about this. As cops, that kid who got shot on the subway platform and died New Year's Day in Oakland. The dude definitely wasn't being compliant. He definitely wasn't showing him his hands. I don't know. He's like the Manchurian candidate. All of a sudden the guy said the wrong thing. The guy's laying on his stomach. One cop's got his foot on his neck. The dude is down. And all of a sudden this one kid just stood up, takes out a gun and

just shoots the guy right in the back. And the dude's like, what the fuck? You shot me. And he ended up dying. What about that one? This is what I should say for the podcast. Because that's what I want to ask. And then I want to just have somebody go on there anonymously and just say what you think about it. Should have that cop gone to jail? Because he got what basically usually happens when a cop shoots somebody is he got off. I don't know. But I don't want to do this whole cop thing attacking cops. I'd like to try to create some sort of forum where you can actually anonymously present your side and not worry about pissing off other cops or worry about pissing off victims or any of that type of shit. Because I think it's one of those things for some reason. I guess I know

why the reason is. It's too much shit at stake so people don't talk about it. That could have been a lot more fun topic. I didn't have to speak in my timeout voice. This is officially the first MM podcast timeout. Oh no, wait a minute. That fucking old bastard downstairs. You know something? I think I'm a loud asshole. I think that that's what it is. You know? On both sides of the country I've been told that I'm too loud and I need to shut the fuck up. So you know at some point you gotta look in the mirror and realize it's you. All right let's plow ahead here. All right advice for the week. Bill, I've known this young lady for a few years and we're very fond of each other. But she has had she's had she has a possessive boyfriend with a stupid haircut and a couple

of times when she's broken up with him she's come to me. But then she goes back to macro man. This is the thing that bothers me. Whenever things have gotten gotten sexual between us, like I go down on her and blow her fucking mind. This guy has definitely got confidence. He goes she never returns the favor. She gets disgusted. She even gets disgusted if I sulk in my seat that I didn't get any. Dude, sulking is like I don't I'm not gonna sit here and act like I know what turns women on but I can tell you the exact opposite of turning a woman on. If you want to have the exact opposite Spanish fly would be sulking. Nothing makes her pussy dry up like sulking. Just let you know right there okay. But nothing makes it wetter with complete indifference.

Anyways, once she said callously oh after she did after the guy went down on and then she didn't get a blow job. She once callously said have a wank to alleviate my horniness after having her completely naked on my chair worshiping her and pleasuring her holes. Jesus Christ, buddy. Thank God I'm not yelling. That one right there would have kicked me out. It was just me with the styrofoam cup another time when we had intercourse we were drunk. She stopped me halfway through and she even stopped halfway through a shit doing you a favor hand job. She's never made me come. These are the only examples of when she tried to get me off and I'm a good looking chappy so it's not that. Recently I boycotted her

body. I said let's be friends to be strictly platonic. I won't even play with her norks I'm guessing that's her titties. This has this has had the result of her trying to rekindle things like the old magic. If she's not that into me what the fuck is going on. I'm finished with her but any insights you can give is a treasure. Alright first of all dude you're not finished with her. Just halfway through writing that you probably realized what a sap you were being. Alright okay first of all who's couldn't you're you're fucking with the psycho. Alright and I don't know this is a very this is a very touchy one to talk about here but this girl strikes me as one of those girls who wants to be put in her place and wants to be bent over something and

wants a guy to tell her what the fuck is what. Alright okay consensually do you understand what I mean. Okay don't take this the wrong way going and just fucking give her a forearm shiver right. I'm not saying to do that. Alright you know some girls are cunts and they know they're a cunt and they want to basically tell them that. It could be this I have no idea but I can tell you one thing right now sulking and keep coming back for more. You're like Charlie Brown she keeps pulling the football out and you know if you want to fuck this girl walk away from her. Stop returning her phone calls and all that type of shit. You basically started to do that when your boy caught her to body but then you said let's be friends. That's a weak move. Okay what's

this girl I think wants to see you be a fucking man. Alright and you're not you're going down on her you're pleasing her and she's doing everything. Everything she can to disrespect you and you're allowing it. And I think that's turning her off and I think she's a fucking sadistic psycho so she's getting you off and she's leaving you with blue balls. You know I don't know that might be it or she might be fucking angry at something else and she's taking it out on you. All I know dude is walk away from this girl. Just walk away from her but for some fucking reason you still want to banger one more time. Blow her off. Blow off her texts and her calls for like a week and a half and then randomly answer one. And when you pick up the phone just just have a whatever vibe. Hey

what's going on? You haven't been returning my calls or my texts? Yeah I've been busy. What's up? You want to hang out? No. Why not? Hey you know I don't know. What do I want to hang out with you for? Get blue balls? You know you're fucking selfish. You're fucking annoying. Leave me alone. You know that's probably too angry but just I'm sorry guys I'm fucking angry right now that I have to talk like this. Yeah just blow her off and just be you know and when you go to meet her, meet her in a public place. Don't go over a place where she can immediately, she's going to dress extra sexy when you come over there because she's trying to get that power over you again. Meet her in a fucking public place and be talking to her as you're kind of glancing around the room.

You know? Sort of hit on another girl while she's standing there. I'm telling you. You know? And when she asks you to go home with her, don't. Just say yeah I'm cool or whatever. You know? Fuck it, blow her off. If she ever calls you again, she wants to hang out or whatever, tell her to come over your place. And the second she starts acting like a douche, kick her out. I don't know. What sucks about a girl like that is immediately you got to try to get into her head and you got to start playing games. It's not worth it. There's too many decent girls out there who will when they take the dick out they will fucking complete whatever you want. So I would just walk

away from her. Let's be friends. Jesus Christ, buddy. That and sulking you need to take. Those are the two parts of your game you need to work on this off season. All right? And then maybe next year you'll get the ring. Okay. Good luck. All right. Next one. Bill. I'm a cubicle dwelling suffocated engineer in Texas. I was rushed through the college machine with all the rest of the cattle, destined to find a job, don some pleaded khakis and live the rest live the rest of our lives in a steadily paid servitude of the man. But a few years ago out of college. Oh, but a few years ago out of college and I hate it. I think you're saying I'm a few years out of college and I hate it. I wish I'd follow my desire to be some sort of a writer.

And after listening to your podcast among others and hearing from friends that I should have, I wish I'd give and stand up a shot. Well, now I'm 30 years old staring down the barrel of 35 more years as a cozy smug engineer making six figures, but hating five out of every seven days of my life. I don't have any wife or kids, but I feel like I'm too old to jump back into being a starvin artist. What do I do now? Dude, this is on you. All right. I would never tell somebody who's got a six figure paying job to jump into this fucking awful business. All right. But I would never tell you not to do it. All I got to tell you is you can't half ass getting into this business. All right, or you are going to be you think you hate me a life now.

Just picture hating five out of every seven days, except you're making fucking you're making low five figures and you're old now and nobody wants to fucking book you and you don't have any wife and kids. I'm telling you. All right. I'll give you this advice. If you decide to become a fucking comedian, there's no turning back. All right. And you got to go into it. You can't even consider quitting and it has nothing to do with fucking talent. It has to do with desire. I'm telling you. That's what I would say. So what I would do if I was you, I would keep my six figure job and I'd start doing some open mics. That's what I would do. All right. And if you feel in your heart as you're standing on stage that this is what the fuck you want to do

with your life, I would do it in a second because six figures, seven figures, if you're miserable, it's not going to be worth it. All right. But I don't know if, you know, you're into comedy. You know, the way I'm into playing drums, drums are a hobby for me. I absolutely fucking love them, but there's no fucking way I would have, I was about to climb into a van with three other fucking guys. You know, any pasta. I'm not going to do it. It just, I don't know. I actually played drums and I realized I didn't have it. You know, I didn't, I didn't have it as a musician and I didn't have that drive. But when I got on stage the first time and I did comedy, I just, I never look back. And I was just like this, I'm doing this shit. So there you go. So you have to answer those

questions. So the best way to do it is to sign up for some open mics. All right, see how it goes and see how you feel. And like I said, if you feel like that's what you want to do, then I would, I would work towards it, but I would not quit that six figure paying job. You don't just quit your fucking job. You don't build up your time. So you can swing out of that job into some fucking paid gigs. That's how I did it. I kept my day job until I moved to New York City and I'd saved up a bunch of money. You know, I'd paid off all my bills. I didn't have a car payment. I had nothing and I moved to New York and I had a nest egg of fucking money. And, and yeah, I've told these stories before. I ate fucking spaghetti every goddamn night. Three pieces of

bread filled up my stomach. And I just did stand up every night. And I just did, I just wasn't doing stand up. I was working towards getting better at it. Analyzing what I was doing wrong. And you know, but I would, I would never tell you to quit your job. And I would also never tell you that you can't start comedy at 30 years of age because you can. All right. So there it is, but it balls in your fucking court. All right, YouTube videos of the week. We had an earthquake here this past week. Best earthquake reaction. This is hilarious. It's like three guys on the MLB network or something like talking about baseball and all of a sudden the hurricane comes. It's fucking hilarious because people on the East Coast don't know what an earthquake feels like.

So they're sort of looking around like, wait a second is anybody else feeling something moving in defense of them? I was one of those little shaken ones. So we sent some home videos of Peyton Manning as a kid running around, whining or whatever. But I'm too hard on Peyton Manning. It's fucking ridiculous how hard I am on this guy. But everybody whined as a kid. But it is still funny as a Patriots fan to watch. And here's two that I got. It's called Fuck the Police One. And this is hilarious. This is some guy, I don't know if he's in Brooklyn or what, this black dude who knows his rights, has been harassed by the police. He can tell his entire life or whatever, but he's screaming at the cops. That's the mistake he makes. They don't arrest him, but

the shit he's saying, if he would just say it, if he just said it, I think he would have been fine, but he's screaming it. And it's really funny. It's actually, this guy goes on for like 20 minutes. And I've said before, it's all about not losing your shit. And this guy loses his shit. But I don't think he ever gets arrested, but it's fucking hilarious. And here's a YouTube video the week. This was actually suggested by Paul Verzi. Will Forte, and this is a sketch with Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning is fucking hilarious in this sketch. It's basically Will Forte, you know, everybody comes walking in, they're like a basketball team and they get their asses kicked, and Will Forte comes in and basically tells people that they shouldn't quit. And that he had a coach

and they played him this song one time when his team was down by 60 points and by listening to the song and amped him all the way up. And then he basically puts on some fucking song from the 1930s and starts dancing to it. And it's fucking hilarious. Underrated for the week, Will Forte. Guy is fucking hilarious. And please watch the director's cut of McGrewber. I highly recommend that. And what else do we got here? We got the woman cuts guy's dick off, all the four broads laughing at that. And I got one other one here. What the fuck is it? Hang on, hang on, hang on. I'm the worst. What the fuck did it go? All right. Oh, hey, don't say it too loud. Don't curse too loud. We will eject you from the Sheridan. Oh, future gun owner. Oh, creepy game show host.

There's another one that we have. Creepy fucking game show host used to see this. I can't believe that this guy actually was allowed on air. And I showed it to Bobby Kelly and he was laughing at just this guy's fucking. The game show is basically a mother and a daughter, you know, something they already showed us on Tosh point. Oh, I really try not to do that because I figure everybody sees him, but we'll put it up there just in case. But Bobby Kelly actually showed me another one. I don't know where the fuck this took place. It sounds like it's in Scandinavia. And this guy calls this kid up to sing a song. And he basically just starts kissing his back. It's unbelievably disgusting. Nibbling on his ear in the back of his hair is this kid is singing.

It's fucking brutal. All right, overrated underrated for the week. And then I'm gonna fucking wrap this pot. Holy shit. I want 15 minutes. Time flies when you're whispering in a super eight. Overrated hand sanitizer. I've been sharing the company restroom with a bunch of coworkers who believe using hand sanitizer is the equivalent or even superior to washing their hands with good old soap and water. It's not the rubbing alcohol and the hand sanitizer kills the bacteria and destroys virus presence on the hand. And that's about it. It does not physically remove the genital grime deposited on the hands after a guy has finished jiggling his junk to get rid of the last drops of piss. These people also use other commodities such as the company refrigerator,

therefore effectively covering every goddamn thing that they touch with their dead penis and vagina cells. All right, that guy is not short of descriptive adjectives. Overrated. Lawns. People dump all kinds of chemicals to make them look pretty. Personally, I prefer clean water over a pretty lawn. Overrated. The overnight, the other night I decided to have a nice wank and crash out for the night. So I hop on the generic porn site and started browsing. Next thing I know, two hours have passed. I was still awake, hadn't wanked and barely even had a Fleetwood Mac, soft rock, half chub, etc. I didn't even watch a full video, which I think no one really does. Total fucking waste. Instead, I just used the girl's section of a hurly catalog I had laying

around, which worked pretty well. Just so we all know. All right, underrated. Paper grocery bags. Plastic bags are given to you by default at all the grocery stores I've been to. They should give you paper. And if you want plastic, you should have to ask for it. All right, this ends the comedy Monday, first Monday morning podcast comedy timeout. And I feel lucky because I did not get ejected from the hotel. That's it. I hope you enjoyed this weird ass fucking podcast. This podcast was like a Nirvana song, started off loud, then got quiet, but never got loud again. So I guess it isn't like the first outfield. Shut the fuck up. All right, go fuck yourselves. That's the podcast. See you.

And I don't chase Every time I close my See your face Never saw the miracle of silence I didn't go from a blessing to a curse Never saw love with military solution You Is

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