Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-27-23

Episode Date: July 27, 2023

Bill rambles about 'Breakfast at Wimbledon', crying over the sink, and what he's listening to.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on your summer time, bitch. I don't even know if I'm supposed to do one today. I think I interviewed somebody and that covers today, but whatever, I got like a half hour, you know? Maybe I'll just do one and I'll just have it.

I'll just save this. Like, maybe this will come out in the fall. And then you guys can all be like, it's not the summer. You fucking bald red cut. Yeah, it's the fucking autumn. Is it? It all feels like summer to me. That's my new novel on global warming. It's gonna be funny when global warming just keeps going and then people sing those, those,

was that Sinatra song? It was a very good year. It was something and something. Wasn't it some song about the autumn of my years? Maybe it's gonna be like, I'm gonna go, what's that? There's only one season. Everybody's gonna be like, I'm gonna go, what's that? There's only one season, it's fucking summer. It's hot and a little less hot.

I'd say what happened. I'm in a great fucking mood. Even though I got into a nice back and forth with the lovely Nia, the love of my life. It's an honor to be with her. It was one of those fights, you know, you have, we're like, you know, okay, you married, you have kids, and your partner just makes a decision about the kids,

and you're like, wait, what the fuck? And then like, well, it's a big, big deal, you know? And then, and then what, I don't know. You know what was funny? Was I started to get mad, but then I'm like, no, I don't want to yell. So then I shut down and then she goes, let's discuss it. I go, I'm not discussing it right now.

I need to process it first. And then that made her pissed. And she just went off on me. She goes, and then she came back around. She's like, it's sit there, sometime he's gonna sit there and process it. Like, is some fucking Buddha? Ha, ha, ha, ha. I hate how funny that was.

It was a middle of a fight, and I was like, yeah, that's fucking hilarious. Whatever, but I was still right yeah, that's fucking hilarious. Whatever, but I was still right, you know what I mean? But you know how it is, you know what it is? Just because you're right still means you're wrong. That's how it works when you're the husband. But other than that, the home lights great, man. Fucking great. I was hanging with somebody the other night

and they said to me, hey, did you see that Wimbledon final? Which was a big part of my childhood, staying inside avoiding the sun, so my fucking skin wouldn't get like a third-degree burn. And I used to love breakfast at Wimbledon with Dick Enberg, and I guess this year was incredible, and that has to be posted somewhere. You know?

Is there the original version or is it five hours of that song? Oh no, oh no, no, no, like every fucking Instagram video? I guess it kind of became a genre of Instagram and then everybody was like, oh good, if I hear this song like a lab rat I know something bad is about to happen. And then somewhere along the line,

the rat gets sick of hearing that fucking song. Is that what it is? Or the rat's viewing the rat? Ah, Bill. This is what happens when you're doing a podcast and you don't even think you need to do one. You know what it is right now people? It's not that I'm not funny right now,

it's just that the effort isn't there. You know, kind of the way your wife watches dishes. You know, she's an adult. She could do it the right way if she wanted to. She's so, she just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you fucking grab the bowl and you gotta, I mean, it looks clean to the naked eye, to someone that actually needs tri-focals,

but hasn't gotten around to get them the plate looks clean But then you go to grab it and you feel the film of whatever the fuck was eating on it the night before And you just you know your curse under your breath and Then there's that voice and you had that goes, you know what bill? It's not worth it. It's not worth it And then your's that voice that you had that goes, you know what Bill, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. And then you downstairs by yourself, you know, wearing your robe, your freckled milk white calves, poking out the bottom,

some old slippers you got for free from somebody used to advertise on your podcast and somewhere along the line you made a mad. And you wash that dish. And you wash the dish, you look up and you catch your reflection in the window and you see the sadness of what your life has become and you quietly cry to yourself.

So, make a couple of soft, crooked eggs. Try to lay off the bread and then she comes downstairs. She sees your eyes are a little puffy and she says, are you all right? You said, oh yeah, I just didn't get some sleep last night. And you push it down, you don't communicate it. And then it just sits in there. It doesn't leave, it sits in there.

And just waits for the next holiday. Whatever it is. You know, Christmas trying to put the lights on the tree. Fucking is the turkey done, is it not done? Something like that. And then that's when that moment, that's when that moment's going to come out. And she's going to be like, where is this coming from? And you're not even going to know because there's going to be so many other, other, those

moments buried right there in that chest. But it's my belief if you cry enough at the sink, you can get some of them out. Oh, Jesus! Oh, Billy Big Day yesterday. I finally did that solo flight up to san ababra uh... i don't know if i made the radio calls correctly to approach and then they they

had me uh... when i when i deported they put me on with departure and i was just on with them and after well just kind of like uh... could i just go to the common channel and they were like what don't like that kind of it's kind of like, don't feel like I need you guys anymore. I don't know what the radio call is. Terminating departure, or I don't know what the fuck

you're supposed to say. But I said it and I just sat there like, with you know, when I close, like here it comes. But the guy was cool, he figured it out. So, now here's the deal. I know how to go up to Santa Barbara. I know how to, I know the approach to the landing pad. I did it with my instructor and then this week,

I did it by myself, aka soloing. And the first thing I did was, you know, Google places to get coffee and fucking, you know, fun places to take my wife who doesn't value my opinion. Now, here's a deal. Whatever I make fun of my wife to this level, you know that she's gonna, she's gonna have to come on and give you the rebuttal. You know, whatever, what do you want from me? I'm just a man that flew a helicopter to Santa Barbara and back without hurting himself.

You know, I did an episode of the Howie Mandel podcast and he brought up that stuff. And I don't like talking to people who aren't pilots because all they do is talk about dying. So I was actually out there, I'm going to text them and tell them this, I actually had to block out his voice as I was doing pre-flight. And then I went up and I had a great time. And it was exactly what I wanted.

I got out of the LA Basin so there was like nobody up there. And when I got out to the coast, there was this marine way, all the way out over the water. And it got about 100 feet into the, over the land and just disappeared. Because as you know from your ground studies, water has a way more consistent temperature. It takes a lot longer for it to heat up and to cool down.

Where land is like a woman. You don't know what it's going to do. Oh my god, she would kill me if I said that. She'd be like, I'm the water. You're the land you bald psycho, and she'd probably right. Whatever land heats up and cools off very quickly. So it was already like noon time.

So the ground was, the temperature was much higher. So what happens, don't you see, is the clouds come over and those air molecules get heated up by the air rising off of the land, the water molecules expand. And at that point, when the water molecules become saturated, that is the dew point, which is the point at which moisture becomes visible, aka a cloud, all right, I'm gonna shut up here. It basically heats it up.

That's what they mean by burning it off. So I was able to go up the coast and I had clouds that I was above to the left of me. I had the ground below me, and then on the right, I had mountains. And I was just flying right up that corridor. It was fucking gorgeous. And then when you get to Carpentry,

that's when you call approach, you're 20 miles out. And for whatever reason Santa Barbara likes you to be on with approach. So that's what I did. I got on with them and they basically, at that point, they're also watching for other traffic and then they hand you off to the tower. And it's a little tricky coming in there the first time. You go up the 101, don't you see? And then once you see this little, I don't know, this little hanger thing, when you see it, the helipads are on the other side and the altitude I'm flying at, you can't see them. So I'm always like looking for them. I'm like, I know they're not that far,

and I want to get a little, you know, just a little bit to the left of that. I'm like, oh my God, there they are. I'm gonna do it. After all these years of being intimidated. So that was a big deal for me. That was a big deal for me. God damn it. It happened. And guess what I have right now? I have free time. I am off until the end of July.

Knocked out those four weekends in a row. As hard as that was with the kids, now I have all this time off with them and all I'm doing is we've just basically been swimming. And both my son and my daughter, my daughter can swim now, but like she's just just improving the skill, and my son by watching her just keeps getting better and better and better. And he is absolutely, absolutely fearless, which is fun from some things and then other things, you know, scarier. And he's repeating everything. So I have to stop cursing because he said the F word the other day.

He said, God damn. And my daughter had one of her friends over and we have this little trampoline that has like a handle on it that you hold onto. And her friend sat on it and then did a backwards spin around. Like super fast, like she knew how to do it, but I didn't know that. So as her head was whipping around, I was like, oh, I literally went, I was holding my son

and went, Jesus Christ. And then my son looks at me and he just goes, ye quiet. So there's that. So I got that going for me. So I've been practicing in the car, not cursing. And it just blows my mind, how I just, the F word just, when I really pay attention to it,

it's the third word every time, or the second. It's either what the or the. The fuck is this guy doing? The fuck is going on here? It's just, it's just, or I go, oh, you stupid fucking, there you go, you fucking, that's what it is. Always, always goes like that.

So I always say the F word now, but then I stop and I go, silly person, I go, what the fuck then I stop and I go silly person. I go, what the fuck in you? You're a silly person. That's what you are. You're just you silly. You're wacky. You know, you change lanes, but you didn't get your whole car in there. You're, you know, so it's still blocking the lane and you're causing a traffic

jam and people are beeping at you and you don't understand why to the point you're giving them the finger is if you're the victim, you're just a silly person. That's gonna be my new code for Kant, which is just so much more sad Kant. You know, I feel like he just gets it out of there, it's like, right, he's fucking blunt force. Silly. But maybe I can use Silly as like a SAV for my emotions. As Frank Sanarelli would say, S-A-L-V-E-Sav. Anyway, I'm gonna try to go online

and I'm gonna try to find some of these goddamn. What am I even talking about? I'm going to try to find the Wimbledon. Wimbledon, not Wimbledon. Breakfast at Wimbledon, I said my whole life growing up, it was breakfast at Wimbledon. All right, I'm going gonna look something up here. We're gonna look up the last few albums that Mr. Burr has downloaded. All right, because I'm enjoying this music.

I obviously got the new Queen in the Stone Age album. Had to do that. Did not disappoint as always, as always. You know what I love about their albums? I always feel like in the beginning, I like a couple of songs and I don't quite get the rest of it and then the next time I listen to it, I get it even more. And then by like the third listening, I'm like this fucking album is incredible. So that's how dumb I am. So, now I have it on in my car, on like a loop.

And you know, I always do ACDC on the elliptical, but in the car right now, that's where I am right now. And then I also, I downloaded this Cannibal Adderly album. It's called Something Else. Cannibal Adderly, Miles Davis, Hank Jones, Sam Jones, and Art Blakey. It was 1958 and I'm enjoying that. I downloaded another song called Meet the Woo.

No, yeah, Meet the Woo. This rapper pop smoke, who I guess, unfortunately, a home invasion got killed, so rest in peace. But I really like whatever, he's the sound of his voice and the tracks that he wraps over are amazing. So, look at that, huh? If you've noticed, now most people would say that that is a very eclectic mix of music.

But I know myself well, that means like, oh, Bill was on the road and his brain is all over the place. Just like he is, he's here, he's there, he's checking in, he's checking out, he's on a plane, he's getting off a plane. I'm going listen to some jazz, I'm listening to Queen St's Sound, I'm gonna listen to the Bap Bap, oh, fuck and lunatic. And then I come home and new rules are in place. And I'm like, what the fuck? And then I get to some stupid tiff with my wife who I don't wanna fight with because I love her.

And now here I sit alone in my room, you know? I'm not crying at the sink, okay? We had that moment this morning. That might be the name of my next stand-up special. Bill Burr crying at the sink. I used to do a bit about that. Of course, it was misogynist. Well, I wasn't. It was actually talking about how men used to prevent women from reaching their dreams and had something to do with them. There's always a window to look out while you're washing the dishes.

That was for back of the day when women weren't allowed to leave the house. That's what it was. So they would just look out the window and just, you know, dream. Oh, someday maybe I can walk past that last tree that I can see because they washed the dish something like that. Something ignorant. At a great time the other night I went down to the comedy store and I did some time down there. I haven't done that in a, in quite some time.

Just, it feels like it anyway. I really, I really missed that place. You know, there's something about it too. And something too, like, or maybe an off night when it's not like a Friday or Saturday, and people don't have expectations. There's sort of a more relaxed vibe down there. And I always feel like, kind of feel like the history of it and stuff.

But anyway, I went down there and I did Adam Ray's show. He does this show where he goes in full makeup and he's dressed as Dr. Phil. And he just comes out like, um, you okay on today's show, we actually have a comedian and he's going to come out here and entertain you folks and afterwards we're going to talk, we're going to talk to him. So I go out and do my shit and act like an extra idiot, you know, so when he comes out he can psychoanalyze me me analyze me, you know, so he came up oh

Okay, Bill oh there was a lot of anger in that So I think they're gonna be posting some clips of that but Anyway If you're wondering what my next flight is gonna be I believe my next flight getting out of the LA basin because I just flown it so much. And then it's also, you know, there's always constantly, I feel approaching another airport and I got to talk to them and said being able to cruise around a little bit. And what was funny when I was coming back from Santa Barbara, you go through, I followed

the one 18, you know, past Ronald Reagan, Santa Susanna pass, and right as I come over there, I got the eighties on for Burbank, and I'm switching over to Van Nies to see if it's cool to cross midfield or whatever, right? So the second I get on with them, they go, you know, helicopter, blah, blah, blah,

blah, turn to heading zero for zero. There's a police chase. There's four helicopters headed towards you. And I was like, all right, I'm back in the LA basin. Here we go. It was fucking cool. So you know, they were like, you know, two miles away. It was like they were bearing down on me just for people who don't fly before you get

all freaked out. So I turned to that heading and I flew it. And he got back on like within a minute, said, you know, they're now headed south, which usually happens in a car chase. It's not like the person is driving the same way. They serpentine. And that's a big mistake OJ made, or at least his driver did. They got on the 405 and they stayed on it.

What you want to do is zigzag through the neighborhood, you know, make it entertaining for the pilots. You're still not going to get away, but it's entertaining for the viewers, we'll say. So anyway, and then I ended up getting back on course, and I looked off, because I have, with my avionics, I can see where the other helicopters and planes are. They have the transponder on which of course they did and I just saw this cluster

of four helicopters. It was kind of cool like one lays back, one's out front and this looked like there was kind of two on either side. And I was kind of looking at it. Like that almost looks like a hockey team when they're when the other teams on the power play, you know, and if you, you know, it's five on four and you got the box because I was thinking like if he did a U-turn and went the other way, the guy in the back is now the lead. Do they stay in like that formation? Does any helicopter pilot, please helicopter pilots out there and you wanna write it? And I would love to know what that's like. Anyways, Sanny Enez,

that's the field that I'm gonna go to next. And then I'm gonna do Santa Maria after that. And eventually I'm gonna work my way up to Paz, several days that and eventually I'm going to work my way up to Pasa Rollblaze and kind of basically understand how to do all of this wine country stuff. The fuck is Pasa Roll? I'm sorry, I'm looking on the map here.

Oh, there it is. Is that it? There it is. That's not so bad. I just got to find the right way to go up there. I just don't like being like flying over mountains the whole fucking time because God forbid you had to set it down or whatever. Then what do I, I got to walk out and like, you know, deal with fucking mountain lines and bears and shit like that? I don't need that. I don't need that my fucking life. I'd like to follow a road up, you know, land near a 7-11.

Great horny told, what am I, buddy? Are you the feds? I ain't growing wheat. No, no, no, just had a little problem, had a setter down. That's what I get nervous about when I'm on the other side of the San Gabriel Mountains when I fly out there.

What's great about flying out there is you have a place to put it if you had a problem, but then the problem is who's yard you land in, what are they on, and you know, you land in a helicopter, someone's on meth, that they think it's the cops, and then what happens, right? That's why I try to stay near the highways. The highways are always like the, seems like the DMZ, right? It's probably not a good expression to use the dead man's own. Um, any who, that's it.

I'm gonna play a little drum, so I'm gonna make up with my wife when she gets home. Um, there's only one way to do that. There's only one way to make up with your wife, okay? You have to give up on calling her on what she did wrong. You just have to apologize for whatever it is you did and then hopefully you're married to an adult and at that point she'll apologize for what she did. She still doesn't mean it, you know? It doesn't mean shit to work, but you know,

just that the fact that you can even get her to give you a fake apology, I like to think is a, is a minor victory, you know what I mean? It's sort of that Don BB play in the Super Bowl Bowl where yes, you lost by 50, but he didn't quit on that play and yes, he did slap the ball away. So they didn't lose by 57. All right, I guess at this point what I would do is I would read some sort of advertising if that is in fact what I had

had to do. Oh Billy Boyzman, fucking reading. I read two books and a script in the last couple of weeks and I'm very proud of myself. You know, a lot of people say I'm stupid. A lot of people are right. I actually, I have so many books that I started and then my ADD kicks in. I got this book that Jim Carey wrote that is fucking amazing.

Jim Carey and Dana Vachon, Memoirs and Misinformation. I'm halfway through it. I post stuck an envelope in here, DMV, for expedite processing. Well, I'm sure that's not important. That's my bookmark. I did that the other week with like a gig check. I couldn't find my gig check and I realized that I tend to use important documents as book markers. God dammit. You know, they say your nose and your ears don't stop growing your entire life. And I agree with that because I never used to have a problem with getting water in my ears. And all of a sudden it does.

So I think my ear canal has gotten bigger on the right side. It's been driving me fucking nuts. But you know what I always think? I always think whenever I have a problem, I think you know what? Is bad as this is because now my ears ringing with the tenitis, and it also feels like it's underwater. What I always do when something like that bothers me like that, I just think like, well, you know what, is bad as that is? Some guy in the middle of nowhere took out an AR-15 and shot at a tractor that he put

dynamite in, and he was too close to it. And he blew his leg off. A blue malega off. I remember that classic video. Blue malega off. A blue malega off. We're almost fascinating things I've ever heard. He didn't scream in pain. He wasn't going, oh my god, what did I do? He just went, I blew my leg off. I blew my leg off. I think when you really fuck up You're actually calm. I saw a guy trying to take a hook out of this little shark's mouth and it bit down and it bit his pinky Finger off and went into the water

with the pinky And the guy just goes, ah, I bit my god damn pinky off It bit my goddamn pinky. It took my finger, Charlie. It took my pinky. You think they would do that, but they don't. Another one, the fucking trick shooter, I was just talking to a buddy of mine at dinner the other night.

Those guys that do the fucking trick shooting and they spin the gun around that old cowboy I guess shot myself in the goddamn link Son of a I don't believe it. I just shot myself In the goddamn leg. Do you think that guy way back in the day? Remember that chick cut his dick off? in the goddamn leg. Do you think that guy way back in the day? Remember that chick cut his dick off? He was fucking around on us so she cut his dick off and then threw it in the garbage. I can't remember what the fuck happened, right? And uh, I wonder if he did that. She just cut my goddamn dick off Son of a bitch All right

So well, I don't know what I don't know what I don't know what I don't want to tell you my fucking ears ringing It's it's feels like it's it's fucking underwater and I got a frog in my throat, but you know what I still went I still went to the gym And like a good soccer mom, I got on that goddamn elliptical. I put on an ACDC album. That's what I do. I don't do time, I do an album.

I went on today with dirty deeds. All right. Honorable mention, underrated ACDC song, love it first feel. Telling you, and they should use that song rocker in a Pixar movie. If there's ever some little cute things that they make minions or whatever, and they want to start a band or something like that, they should do their version of it. They should do a cover of that song in the minion voice.

AC DC would make some money. The kids would laugh and they would get another generation offense. You know, buddy of mine sent me a clip of that live in Paris show that they did right before Blanc Scott died. And that is our, I would put that concert up against any fucking rock concert that has ever, ever been done. The sound, the energy, the sheer fucking power of that band. And just one of the tightest bands that ever that ever fucking did it.

It's amazing. If you get a chance, check it out. Anyway, that is the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend. You silly cunts. See that? I almost, you know, I was going to say you silly people, but then I realized the English say silly cunt.

Well, your child's security, you silly cunt. Did you see Peter Grant's daughter is selling her shares of Led Zeppelin, 10%. That's gotta be $100 million. The only 10% of Led Zeppelin has to be, like that has to be a billion dollar purchase to get, if you were to get all of it. I was sitting there like thinking like, how many people would I have to get to pool together

to see if we could buy that 10%. You know? Just, you know, I don't know. What does that mean? Do you get anything from it? You get like a, you're the biggest fan, patch or some shit. Some rich cons gonna buy it. I'm gonna say that that's gonna go for $175 million.

That's what I'm saying. All right there, you heard it first. I do not look good in a tank top. No matter how much I work out, I am just so fucking pasty. You know, I wear a tank top. I look like I should be shuffling down the hall like holding onto an IV.

Oh, fuckin' hate myself. Alright, love you guys, have a great weekend, bye! 1. Draw the line on the back of the head. 2. Draw the line on the back of the head. 3. Draw the line on the back of the head. 4. Draw the line on the back of the head. 4. Draw the line on the back of the head. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, July 27th, 2015. How's it going? Oh, yeah. Joe, July's almost over. Where's the fucking summer going, kid?

Dude, you know, I want to get, to get some of that fucking now. Who's that politician on the beer there? Sam Adams, summer ale kid, right? I drink the summer ale in the summer, right? In the fall, I drink the one with the fucking cherries in it. And then the rest of the time, I just drink their regular log. What's up, everybody? So, You'll look what's up everybody so Oh Billy red kicks oh red velvet here. He's been trying to lose weight Let's go freckles you fucking douche go get a tan no wants to see your fucking pasty legs at the beach

So each. Um, so last week, I was supposed to be 180 pounds, but I was not in the fulfillment of a, of a, of a scale. And by the way, somebody gave me shit. Like, dude, what kind of fucking respectable hotel doesn't have a scale? Doesn't have a scale. Like that, that comes standards where you, where you stay, where you staying at, huh? You staying at the old illuminati in huh to some broad come in wearing some fucking weird mask all fucking naked one of those fucking perfectly shaped broads like you see in the movie by the guy who did the eyes wide shut want to have Stanley Kubrick Stanley Kubrick has some of the hottest broads ever in the history of film in his movies ever ever

You know, it's just a shame horrible shit happens to him But you know in the midst of the horror you like goddamn, that's a beautiful woman And I think that really speaks to the beauty of a woman that something horror look at me happening where you're like wow She looks like a fucking statue With a muff. All right. They never have the muffs in statues. If you notice that it's a little difficult with the concrete. What are you going to do? Huh? Have somebody with long fingernails kind of come up while the concrete's still wet and just kind of do one of those right in

the old crotch area. How does that go? Bill? That goes, ah, that's how you do it. That's how you make it. You know, I took a sculpture class just like old Adolf Hitler did, didn't he? Or he'd take a painting class. I don't know what he did. It just always makes me kind of smile thinking there was a point in his life where he was just thinking he was going to be an artist, you know, sitting there with an easel. You know, sitting there with an easel. You know what I mean? Painting some ducks. You know, by a pond. And who knows? Maybe somebody Jewish walked by and sneezed and scared the ducks and it just he just fucking snapped and just sent him, just sent him down a whole other road.

You know? Does anybody explore that theory? Um, that was offensive to ducks and Jewish people. Oh, this blog is gonna be easy. Um, so anyways, I'm sitting here in my office. Fucking hottest hell. I gotta close the windows on the can. I swear a lot. You know what I mean? And I wouldn't want to offend the people next door. God knows I could reach out and touch their fucking house. Reach out, reach out and touch my house.

So fucking stupid. This is such a fucking stupid city. I live in a city yet I live in a house in a city. You know, and I have a yard, but I don't. You know what I mean? Gotta have the drapes closed. People just walk and buy, looking at you and shit. Um, so anyways, I'm back here, so anyways, I was supposed to get down to 180 fucking pounds.

I couldn't weigh myself last week. I wasn't the Jess for last festival. The booze was flowing. All right, and I stayed away. What's that fucking grunge so, ah, stay away! What was it, Alson Chage? It's not a jar of flies, I believe. Wow, that takes me back in the day.

Hey, let's go down this ADD fucking stream before I get to my official way. I used to list into that fucking cassette tape when I would be driving in my 83 Ford Ranger with the rebuilt Ford cylinder that the brought I work with told me that was a dumb move. She was all excited that I was going to buy a new car and my brother told me, don't do that. Then you change your day job. You don't want to fucking do that. So I didn't. I rebuilt it. I didn't rebuild it. I had somebody else put a brand new one in. That's what happened. The other one fucking burned up. So I else put a brand new one. That's what happened. The other one fucking burned up. So I fucking had a brand new one put in.

Cost me $15 bucks at the time. This is the early 90s. I still remember that woman went, I went to work. She's like, where's the new car? I said, oh, you know what? I decided to put a new engine in my truck instead. She just like, made this what the fuck look and just wrinkled her nose and went, that was stupid.

Um. Was it, was it stupid? Maybe I don't want to stay anywhere in this smock for the rest of my life, right? With your fucking, whatever you got there. Who's it, the Nissan Power Ranger? What are they making the early 80s? That everybody loved. The Maxima. You get it? You're taking it to the max to your mom

Maxima Maxima My can't afford the payments can you take over? I got fired for smoking weed on the alright. I did a little blow. Okay. I stayed out all fuck. Oh, you know what I will move out blow okay I stayed out all fuck you know what I will move out that's what you hear in Boston when the windows ain't closed so anyways what was I saying so I used to fucking drive that thing and oh man those are the fucking days and I would do fucking dictorities room up and drinking I do the high five this restaurant on top of the only skyscraper and fucking Manchester New Hampshire or the other fucking

The other town there. What's the other town? There's two towns at fucking New Hampshire the rest of it is fucking beautiful woods strabs Probably a lot of people doing heroin heroin's back in a big way. Hey, tell you this kid has a middle stage in a while. Let's bring up See the other one, Nashua. See, then I think it was in Manchester, I used to do the high five, I used to do Bob Miley's fucking room on Old Orchard Beach. And I used to fucking listen to that cassette tape over and over and over again, the whole way down. In fact, I remember coming back down down 128, heading back down to my house. I had to work the next fucking day, driving like 80 miles an hour and all of a sudden I got a fucking flat tire. And pulling over on the side of the fucking road, one of the

scariest things you can do on the highway, pulled over. And all they have was that, you know, that little fucking, you know, that awful pork skews for a fucking tire iron. It's just like the little one you could fit it right up your sleeve, little L shape fucking thing. And I knew I didn't have enough leverage because I'd been there before. So I always had a section of pipe behind my seat. And I changed that thing. I don't think a pit crew, actually a pit crew could do it.

For one person, I changed that fucking tire. So God damn fast on the back of the truck, you know, that section of pipe fucking four lugs. I used to have that down. I had so many fucking flats over the years, and that thing was such a piece of shit that truck. I knew the whole fucking routine. You know, take out your spare tire, sticking under the car, you know, a little bit in case it comes slam and fucking down and hits the tire and not your foot, right? Loosen all the fucking lugs with your section of pipe on your little fucking L shape thing

before you raise the fucking truck. Then you jack it up, all right? You take the fuck off, you stick, you know what I used to put the lugs right in a row There was no cell phones. I didn't have a flashlight. I had fucking nothing I'd line them right up in the back of the truck I used to pray to God that it happened on the right side like that was a good night and you stick the fucker back on You start all four of them you set the thing back down and you were bad. What bad? What bad? You're bashing in your back in the fucking truck feeling like a man

anyways, so Dash, we're bashing in your back in the fucking truck. Feeling like a man. Anyways, so, what was I talking about? I was talking about how much weight I lost. So, so I was supposed to be at 180 last week, did not have a scale, because every dentally I stay in shitty hotels. And this week I was supposed to be 177. All right, and I fucking worked out the whole time. I was up in Montreal. I ran the stairs,

Royal Park, whatever the fuck they call it. Um, ran those almost every day, or as long as I could. I took one day off and, uh, but that day I played hockey and absolutely fucking embarrassed myself. Oh my, I didn't play hockey in like four months and I already sucked and I went out there and just for laughs New this guy who used to play for the fucking Canadians and he looks like a fucking movie star Come on Habs fans. You know who he is? First number four second number four later traded to the devils He's got this fucking sick ass like little mini-rink

So anyways, we step on Ryshe so we fucking show up and Irink. So anyways, we step on Ryshe. So we fucking show up and I'm like, oh my god, this fucking step on Ryshe. He used to kill us. And so we played in like the other team was just a bunch of ringers. And they came out there and like my first shift, I think I was on the ice for like fucking three seconds and they scored, you know, and I'm coming back.

And immediately everybody knows they already knew I sucked, but now like they now it's like they have like they know how much I suck, right? And they they the other team scored like fucking three goals within, I don't know, maybe a minute and then all of a sudden we got like two and then blah blah blah then they were up like eight to five and then done and then people, you know, this is basic what happened. They realized that they were way better and they were nice enough to let us win by one. That's what happened.

I think we won like 13 to 12. It was a good time. I had zero shots on that. Never fell down though. I never went down. Never knocked me down. But I was, I was, I was awful. I mean, I be down, but I was I was I was awful man

I should have skated at least once before I went up there and But whatever I burned some calories But thank you to everybody there at the rink that let us play out there I had a great despite the fact that I was fucking horrific. I had a great time and I don't know hockey plays are just fucking funny guys to hang out with anyways everybody was busting balls and that type of shit and you know guys coming into face off I'm going up against all freckles you know giving me shit and then they go right around me and you know what there was nothing I could do about it so thanks to everybody hooking it up and thank you to the other team for letting us win by one or two, whatever you did. It's very nice of you. Very hospitable. So anyways, so now I come back

and I stepped on the scale this morning. It's Sunday. I was supposed to be 180 last week and 177 this week. And I got on the scale and my weight was 180 pounds even so So I'm three pounds behind what the fuck I wanted to do however I Was 80 186.6 when I started this fucking thing so What does a quitter do Huh what does a quitter do besides take off her horseshoes and walk barefoot back to the fucking hotel room

across the casino floor with dirty ass fucking feet? What else does a quitter do? A quitter goes like, oh, I was supposed to be 177 and I'm 180, forget it, fuck that. Last week was a wash for me All right, I'll consider that a by-week because I was on the road So next week I got to get down to 177 who gives a fuck as long as I reach my goal I get them down to 162 pounds the last time I had abs

All right, this is my last big push. I'm turning 50 in three fucking years last big push. I'm turning 50 in three fucking years. He's my last hope. Nobody has abs in their 50s unless you did heroin in your 20s. And that's a fact and you can fucking look it up. Look at Keith Richards. Look at the fucking shape that guy said. Despite his horrific habits, tremendous shape. You know, all those fucking guys. Anybody who did the fucking smack the key is it's not to OD and die. You know, all those fucking guys, anybody who did the fucking smack, the key is it's not to OD and die.

You get clean, and I don't know what it is, man. The rest of your fucking life, just like you just have an orange, and like you're full for fucking 10 hours. I have no idea how they do it. I don't want to start out in people that did heroin. Let's just say if you do hard drugs in general You know look at what's his face there from that band? You know that had the puppets on the cover

You know I'm talking about All right, he's fucking skinny as shit. He's pushing 60 I'm not advocating doing heroin. I'm just talking about having abs in your 50s. I'm doing it, oh, Nasharoud. So no heroin. So anyways, I feel though, I do feel by tomorrow, Monday,

what you're listening to now, not to fuck you up. I will be 179. So I'm only like two pounds behind. So what I keep doing is I keep switching up the fucking workout and Bert fucking, Christia was nice enough to send me something about grip strength, but one of those men's magazines that I can never commit to having a subscription to, because it's just the same thing over,

like all those men's health magazines, you know what, they're just like Cosmo. If you really look at the covers, it's the same shit every, every fucking episode or whatever you call every issue. Cosmo is always some fucking hot, fucking airbrush broad, right? There's something else, you know, so and so is most in-depth fucking interview ever. She's finally found happiness, right? Or whatever. And then there's always, you know, either how to get your man, how do you know if your man's fucking around, how to really please your man, how to get your man to please you. Well, no, one

of those fucking articles. And then on the men's one, right? They always got some guy who's kind of famous, right? Who shredded airbrushed and all of that shit and it's always how to get abs in fucking 20 days the Cirque de Soleil diet or some fuck some fucking diet and then oh some new new fucking arm workout that's gonna explode your biceps or some shit it's all the same fucking crap you know what you got it too all right you fucking eat well the beginning of the day. You have your fruits before fucking 12, and then after that you go veggie, you have your fucking meat that decides to palm your head. If you even remotely near that and you're working out, if you're doing half

hour of fucking cardio and you lay off the booze, the ice cream, the chips, the cookies, and all that shit, where is it gonna get a fat, it's got nowhere to hide? You turn the lights on. The roaches all fucking starts scurrying. That's the first time ever you've scurrying it fucking eight years of doing a podcast. You know what you got to do. You don't need those fucking magazines. But every once in a while you get bored with your workout. You want something new. So Berk-Kreysh has set me this thing. I'm gonna go back on my Twitter history and try and find it. But he sent me this killer fucking grip strength workout. And one of the first thing is you just try to hang from a chin up bar in the pull up position for

fucking a minute, three sets of one minute. And the key to that is just hang there. What I was doing was I was kind of in like a like a fucking the first third of a pull up. So I was burning up, but if you just hang there, it's not that fucking hard. So now I've moved to the next one, which is you do it again for a minute, but you're hanging there, holding the bar with one hand and the other one you draped some sort of cloth, you know, whatever. If you're in your garage like me, the fucking rag you used to fucking check your oil, which is probably stupid because there's oil on it. Whatever, that helps with the grip strength. And that one you hold, you just drape it over, just some sort of face cloth. You drape that over and you hang onto that with one hand, the

other hand's on the bar, you try to do it for a minute and then you switch hands. And I've been able to do it for a minute on one side and then the other side I did it for about 45 seconds. That's where I'm at on that thing. And then of course you're like, well let me put two up there. It's see if I can just hang by two fucking rags and I almost broke both my kneecaps.

That's hard as shit, for me anyways. So that's where the fuck I'm at. So I'm gonna get down to 177 next week by hook up by crook and I'm hanging in there with the boo7 next week by hook up by crook and I'm hanging in there with the booze 21 days. No booze. I'm getting to the point of hey, you know, it gives a fuck I was kid know I can't wait for September 15th September no September 16th is when I can booze That's when I can I can booze again, but I got to tell you The hardest place For me to not booze actually is my house

You know why cuz I got the good shit, you know you go out to a fucking bar. What am I gonna do out there? I'm married so I don't give a shit about the women out there, you know, and then I got to spend 10 times what I'm gonna pay at home and And I'm gonna drink keep we fucking cheap booze. Right? Why the fuck would I do that? In fact, are you youngsters out there? I know, because you're single, you want to get laid or whatever, but if you really want to go out

for a fucking night of drinking, you want some good, it's just like eating at home, it's way cheaper. Pull your fucking money together. All of you, how many of you take? It's way cheaper pull your fucking money together all he is How many it takes don't get yourself just a fucking bottle of Johnny Walker blue just get that you know, I mean Don't put any ice on it your cunts sip it like a fucking gentleman Telling you I don't know that you know who the you can't appreciate that in your 20s if you appreciate that in your 20s

You're you're you're a fucking raging that in your 20s. If you appreciate that in your 20s, you're a fucking raging alcoholic. If your palate is that sophisticated, either that of your dad's a banker or some shit, instead of finishing his morning coffee with some sort of booze, so you can numb the fucking lies he was gonna tell all day, oh Jesus Bill, could you get more dramatic? I'm sorry, whatever you want from me.

We times I gotta tell you guys, I got an hour to fucking fill here I would have fucking fill over there All right, let's get to some of the reads for this week. Hey everybody you're gonna get to listen me read out loud By the way No, no, no hard feelings with Draft kinks by the way, you know, they explain their position to me They they know that they can't

but they don't give a fuck right but they're just in business with baseball they're trying to make their money why would i be a dutch and try to hurt them for making money right so they said eventually they'll come back to the podcast and i'll play ball all right all play ball

what do you want for me you know i immediately this part because i never talked to the advertisers. That helps. You know, whenever they call it the complaint. Is he available? No. When is he available? Never. I already know what you're going to say. Oh, we didn't like what you said. That was like I won the first three quarters

and I fucked it up in the end. Christ, you lost the game. Anyways, so let's, let's move on with the podcast here. A lot of shit happened in the news. The latest person to get in trouble and to be branded a racist. Hulk, a mania Hulk, Hogan, it's running wild. The Hulkster.

Having a conversation. Dropping the N word. Dropping the fucking N word. So then his daughter comes to his defense. He's not a racist. You know, I don't know who the fuck. What do you want to do? I mean, you drop in the N word.

That's a rough one. I'll tell you that's a rough one, you know. Then he's got friends who are African-Kan American, yet he's fucking dropping the N word. You know what I think it really is? I think there's a bunch of different levels to being racist. You know what I mean? It's like me. I play drums, but it's just a fucking hobby. But John Bonham was a fucking drummer. You know what I mean? So like the John Bonham's of racism are like in the clan.

They're in like those white supremacist groups, you know? So like the John Bonham's of racism are like in the clan, they're in like those white supremacist groups, you know? They were in the fucking, they were with the Nazis, you know what I mean? They are professional fucking racists. This is what they do. This is how they are living, you know? Can you earn a living in the clan? It's like a volunteer fire department, but you, but you're just fucking Your racist and you start fires.

What is like a drum circle except you just say hateful shit. What exactly is the clan? Why would you join the clan? And then you got other people who are more like, you know, it's like they're not a professional racist, but if they wanted to be, they wanted to be, they could be the grand dragon in the clan, they just don't apply themselves. So instead they work at like home depot with some shit, right? They think just as much fucked up shit. And then he got the person who occasionally,

you know, like me, goes around and plays drums every once in a while. These guys do the same thing, except they drop the n-word every once in a while. I think Hogan's like right around there. You know what I mean? I'm just like when his daughter is saying he's not a racist, she means like he's not in the clan. He doesn't have a swastika tattoo.

You know what I mean? But he's stillastika tattoo. You know what I mean? But he's still playing drums there. You know what I'm saying? Why am I relating drums to fucking being a race? I don't fucking know Who knows he was also I looked up his age. He's 61 years old. He was born August 11th 1953 So that means if his parents had him at like what like 25 They were born in 1928. So Jesus Christ, I mean what the fuck were your parents filling his head up with right? His parents lived through the depression. There was already preaching that there wasn't enough and that black people now that they were free were going to take everything from the white man. That paranoia was probably already there, then they went into the fucking depression.

So maybe his parents were extra fucking racist. So we had to crawl out of that hole, and him crawling out of that hole was having black friends, but he's like, he has black friends, but he's like, I don't want my daughter to date one. So he's like, you know, I'd say he's like an intermediate racist. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what to tell your brother. What are you gonna do? Who was getting to know you know you fucking you put a tape recorder on it and people don't know who knows what the fuck we would all have to apologize for something if somebody left a fucking tape recorder on all god day and day long and you didn't know it was on

Nixon lost the white house doing that shit you wouldn't be in trouble Jesus Christ a fucking shit that I say over the course of a day of fucking Brods and all this time that something something would come out You know, or if they read all the text that you do joking around with your friends But you know, it's a fucking joke, you know what I mean? I'm not saying you drop the n-word, but come on somebody would get you somebody get you for something home of phobic right something I don't fucking know, but

What I think it's it's gonna be a good thing. I think the guy hopefully will learn something from it And he won't do shit like that anymore. Hopefully you'll know that it's wrong But I really think in moments like that you gotta let somebody be a fucking human being You got to take into consideration when they were born what was fed into their fucking heads and Give him an opportunity to redeem themselves because if if you just fuck, he can't alone, his fucking matches and all that shit. What is that gonna do? Except drive him more towards anger.

That's what I say. Because the other shit's not working. Fire in people, you know what I mean? That fucking chef there that had the slave theme fucking wedding. Do you think she's not thinking, you know, I'm sure she's a little bit better, but did that really help?

I don't fucking know. What am I talking about? Who knows? So, let's get back to the podcast. So I, oh, this is what I wanted to talk about. Here we go. Here we go. So, Tom Brady slaying all the ladies.

He's, you know, he appealed the four games suspension and uh... somebody who was speaking for all the owners said that they were they were all hoping that they would all the other i should say were hoping that uh... the nfl would uphold the suspension because what he did was so fucking horrific or allegedly did you know they can't fucking prove it or whatever That's the thing they can't fucking prove he did anything yet

There's a full game fucking suspension that these cuts want to be upheld that they want to have upheld and the number one and two people fucking that are on their side Believe it or not are the Indianapolis cults and the fucking Baltimore Ravens And this is such a fucking layup for a joke the Ravens fucking quote Let me find it here Was that the Patriots have been getting away with murder for years Why if you're connected with the Baltimore Ravens would you ever use the expression getting away with murder? These fucking teams, you know,

they're all sitting in glass houses and I love that they fucking trash the patriots for whatever the fucking is they think that we're doing, you know, like they're these holier than thou people. You wanna talk about getting away with murder? Hey, how about this? At least when one of our players is involved in a murder, the fucker goes to jail, you know? At least we got of our players is involved in a murder the fucker goes to jail

You know at least we got that on you the fucking Ravens Jesus Christ in your last fucking decade you had a guy fucking Fucking drop his fiance and An elevator and drag her out and you guys were fine with the four games suspension because all you give a fuck about is the performance and then you add on your other guy there right? obstruction of justice in a double fucking homicide not only do you look the other fucking way you let him play in the Super Bowl he invites his two

buddies there who are up on the fucking double homicide charges. I was sitting there in the game and you didn't give a fuck and you're gonna talk about air in a bowl. Shame on you. Shame on you Baltimore Ravens and I don't even have to get involved with the Indianapolis Colts. Every game that Andrew Lux starts is cheating for the Indianapolis Colts considering how they got them and they tanked an entire Fucking season and if you don't think that they did that then you still believe in Santa Claus All right, I'm not even saying my team is fucking it innocent Not by any stretch of the fucking means I don't give a fuck if you say my team cheats, but

it's when you get on your high horse and you say that your team doesn't cheat too. That's one I say. Hey, you know what? I think I'm gonna walk away from this and I'm gonna go have myself a water with the lemon because I'm on the wagon. Yeah. When the fucking Ravens in the cults just own up to the fact that you just jealous of how long the Patriots have been good and how many fucking Super Bowls we've been to and how many games we fucking won all right, you're cunts You got yourself two Super Bowls the Ravens. What's your fucking problem? Indianapolis, I know what that guy's fucking problem is. It's his goddamn personal life. Oh, geez, oh, that was a low blow. I did not want to say that. I didn't want to say that, but I'm just sick of this guy trying to fucking, you know.

Of course, these cunts don't want Brady to come back. They want the Patriots to be Owen for us, so they got a fucking chance at winning. A better fucking chance. Right now, do you think they're really outraged at the Patriots? They're not. This is just part of them, the same way, like, you fucking tank a season to get Andrew Luck. The same way you look the same way like you fucking tank a season to get Andrew Luck the same way you look the other way on obstruction of justice or a fucking, you know somebody beat the shit out of somebody in an

Elevator because you want those players on the fucking field you don't want Brady on the field so of course you're gonna play the outrage card Of course you're gonna do that when someone else almost beat that fucking girlfriend to death and almost got fucking four games Not talking about the guy from Baltimore This latest fucking guy All right, it's complete fucking horse shit So anybody out there who's actually buying into this shit. Yeah, you're just a patriot hater or you believe in Santa Claus All right, and I'm never gonna hear your argument Because I don't go to sports bars. I think people who actually really think that this is a big deal,

the whole fucking deflacate thing, other kind of people that even in July, are sitting there wearing a pro level NFL jersey with somebody else's name on the back and you got wing sauce and you fucking beard stubble. All right, and you want to be ashamed yourself. I think it's high time you fucking grow up. What do you think about that? I don't give a fuck if Brady comes back in game six. We're still going to make

the playoffs and we're still going to come back and fucking hunt you cunts. Right? And we're going to break your hearts in your own fucking stadium. I don't care how loud you are. All right, well, if you go there dressed like a bird, you know, or you got a sword in your tooth or you're fucking eating a dog bone, they don't give a fuck, they're professionals, they're gonna come in there. And metaphorically speaking, they're gonna gut you.

All right, so get ready for the heartache. Another football season's coming. Oh, I'm talking a bunch of shit. I don't give a fuck. We just want our fourth. I'm a happy fan. Speaking of which, being up in Montreal, always makes me think of the expose. And I would tell you that time I went to an expose game by myself.

I was doing a gig. I might have done it. It was either a college or I did the Lake Ontario playhouse on way back in the day. That's like one of the first headline lining gigs I got outside of the New England area. And Mike Kinney, I believe, was the guy who booked me up there. He had a great, I always loved doing that gig. But anyways, so I was up there Up on Lake Ontario and it was at that point. I was trying to go to all the ballpark. So I saw that the expose Had a game the next day. So I said fuck it. So I got in my rental car by myself and I'm crossing the Canadian border In a very obscure place. I'm not coming up 95

And I'm not coming up 95 and I'm buying myself. So the fucking security guard up there, you know? Security guard, you go into another country. Find the security guard because walking up, he's like, he's like, whoa, where you going there, eh? And I was sorry. And I was like, I'm going to a next post game. He's like, oh yeah, you're going up there by yourself. And I was like, yeah, and he goes, oh, okay,

why don't you pull over there, eh? So I pull over my rental car and I'm like, what the fuck? I never got in pull over before and I'm standing there. And in this other guy, proceed to rip my fucking rental car apart. I'm like, what are they doing? And then it finally dawned on me. car apart. I'm like, what are they doing? And then it finally dawned on me. How put that they thought that nobody was pathetic enough to drive an extra two and a half hours to go see an afternoon expose game by themselves. Nobody was that sad of a human being. And it just struck me as funny and

I started fucking laughing. And they were looking me as funny and I started fucking laughing. And they were looking over at me and I had this big smile on my face and I was laughing because I knew they thought this guy's got to be dealing drugs. There's no way he's actually going to an expose game by himself. And it pissed him off and they searched even harder. And then when they just realized I was just laughing at him, I think they took extra time almost trying to make me lose the game Losing I missed the game So I ended up getting the car and I drove up there and I sat out in the outfield

That Olympic stadium and I remember they had one armrest on the chairs out there and For whatever fucking reason bare bones. It's an Olympic fucking stadium. It's the one that I believe Bruce Jenner Who's now Katie Caitlin, right? He fucking won the Goddamn de Cathillon there. And I sat out there and I watched somebody steal home plate and I jumped up in the fucking air freaking out that I saw somebody steal home plate. And nobody in the stadium was reacting. So I sat back down thinking I didn't see what I just saw. And then I went home, and I watched TSN or whatever, fuck, I watched that night.

That's their ESPN up there, and they go, oh, yes, stop, you don't see that often. And I realized that I had actually seen it and was fucked out of the moment because the people out in the outfield with two busy singing that soccer song, that ole ole ole that bullshit. This is my Montreal story.

So anyways, which always reminds me whenever I think of the expose is that fucking team that could have been which was the 1994 Montreal expose. The one that Pedro Martinez always gets that look in his eye when he talks about going oh man, we were loaded. We were loaded. They were like the best team in baseball. And then the strike came, canceled the rest of the season and the world series. And I always thought that Pedro Martinez was on that team with Randy Johnson.

And I believe I've said that on the podcast. And no one to my knowledge has ever corrected me. He wasn't. Randy Johnson, Pedro Martinez was part of one of the worst trades of all fucking time. The Dodgers thought he was too brittle, too small to last. And they traded him to Montreal for fucking Jack squat. fucking jack squat. And so that that trade is always brought up, but the Randy Johnson trade, the ex-post trade to Seattle, whenever they do like that, some, you know, the top 20 worse major league fucking trades of all time, it's never in there. So here's one for you. Here's an obscure one because people always bring up, you know, obviously the biggest one of all time is the Red Sox, you know, selling Babe Ruth, you know, we traded the guy for cash

so this guy could fucking could bankroll his wife's Broadway play. Unfuckin believable. Unfucking believable, even unforgivable back then Because who knew what it was gonna become baseball and everything but just fuck it That is the worst one of all time, but here's one that it's and this fascinates me worst trades of all time that nobody bring That nobody really brings up if you guys like to tweet me some I'll read read some on Thursday um Or if you want to email me, I'll I'll get the thing here. What is it? The email is, what the fuck is it?

Bill at theMMpodcast.com. Bill at theMMpodcast.com. So X-Pose traded Randy Johnson. He played for them in 1988 and looked promising. And then he started off 1989 really poorly. He went, he started off Oh and four and his ERA was a little bit high and they just, I don't know, they must have thought he was a flash in the pants. So listen to this. When the Maronis traded, Maronis traded, oh, let's just say the exo's traded Randy Johnson to the Mariners

for Mark Langston and Mike Campbell all right and Seattle got Randy Johnson and then Gene Harris Brian Holman I believe that that was the trade and virtually all these Seattle players were unhappy Here's some of the here's some of the quotes third baseman gym pressley said so this is actually i guess exonerates them uh... the ex-post because of other pro baseball players were like what the fuck did we do i guess it's not that bad but third baseman gym pressley said

this is a sad day for marina baseball in four months now we've lost two of the best pictures in marina's history uh... because they just read lengthen a mic more who signed with Oakland and the other signed as a free agent. He's going, yeah, this is a sad day. I don't know what went on, whether they made him an offer or to him or whether he wanted out of here, but maybe they should have been thinking of how we're supposed to replace him. Second baseman, Harold Reynolds.

Harold Reynolds, who's one of my favorite baseball people of all time. He just knows so much. This is him as a young man said, this crushes me and the reality of it all won't hit me until we take the field tomorrow in Milwaukee and Mike Langston won't be there. And defense him that kind of seems like he was buddies with them. But uh, catcher Dave Valley just said, Oh, no, oh, no. Which brings me now to my own Boston Bruins. And we had made some very to put it mildly aggressive fucking moves here in the offseason. We obviously traded Milan Luceach to the the kings in exchange for the 13th overall pick and back up gold tender Martin Jones and defenseman prospect Colin Miller. Now I really

hope in the future as I read these names That these some some somebody pan the fuck out So here okay with the flurry of trades and draft picks Bruins GM Don Swini began a roster makeover He really did so here's what we ended up getting we try We also traded obviously we got rid of Dougie Hamilton so here Here's what we got with our picks and I'm hoping someday in the future in the fucking future Somebody's gonna listen to this and say that this was a great move because You know back in the day when we traded What's his face? I always forget his fucking name

The hell's this goddamn name the guy that we traded he wouldn't go into the corners But he scored all the goals we traded him to Toronto the only guy I've seen in the NHL He looks he has like a pickup hockey face He looks like he's a accountant during the week. You know what I mean? He's the only guy I've seen with a fat face How are you fat playing hockey? That's one thing I tell you there's no fat fucking hockey players Not none whatsoever, but somehow this guy is fucking, ah, Jesus Christ, hang on a second. What the fuck is this goddamn name? Let me look this up here. Dougie Hamilton,

Hamilton fucking trade. There we go. There we go. Bruins hurt themselves. Bruins straight, Dougie Hamilton for draft picks to the fucking flames. Jesus Christ. What the So anyways, what is the guys name? I'm sorry everybody right now. It's Phil Castle. All right, so back in the day, we traded Phil Castle to the Toronto Maple Leafs in 2009 for a pair of first round draft picks that later We'd later use to select Tyler Sagan and Dougie Hamilton. And it was expected, according to this article, that those two players would be cornerstones of the organization at least for the next decade. And by the way, we ended up winning the Stanley Cup with those two guys. So now we're doing it again. We're trading again. We're kind of like the

mini blackhawks. We don't win as many. We've only made big fucking moves, but we've only one one so I'm I'm actually willing to give Sweeney the benefit of the doubt who's getting. Oh, this is all I fucking got What else am I gonna do? So here's here's all the draft picks that we got first round draft pick number 13 the Boston Bruins select defenseman I can't even say the guy name Jacob Zaboral 18 was third among rookie defenseman Quebec. I don't give a fuck how big is he 13 goals 20 assists last season. Then we picked this kid

number 14. We had back to back picks. We picked a fucking sniper. Jake DeBrusque, 18. Six feet tall, 174 pounds. Jesus Christ. I'd love to be 174 pounds, I'm sorry. Forward led the Western hockey league, Swift league, Swift Current, in scoring with 42 goals and 39 assists.

Nice and even, spreading it around, sticking it in the back of the fucking net. Number 15, we selected, this is the guy I like, just as far as Zachary, Sennie Shin, I don't know, I say his fucking name, Sennie Shin. 18, spent last season blah, blah, blah, blah. Way out a way to make was the fucking this somebody here's like six five here he is this is a guy got hopes for number thirty seven defenseman brand and carlowe eighteen the six five hundred ninety six found nine hundred ninety six pound defenseman had four goals twenty one assists

sounds like he's a stay at home guy you know i don't know i'm hoping somebody fucking pans out. That's what we got So I'm actually kind of excited now. We're really young Fuck it. Swainy clean house. What am I gonna do? Be that guy who bitch moans and complain? So hopefully some of those mean somebody something to somebody someday, right? And you guys can actually laugh that I mispronounced all of the fucking names.

You know, hopefully I just mispronounced the next fucking Wayne Gretzky. But anyways, it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard seeing that fucking No loot sheets, no ducky Hamilton. Ducky Hamilton was in the prime of his fucking career. I still think that was a fucking crazy move. Why do you do that? This guy's a proven guy. Well, you know, he's probably gonna want a lot of money while he fucking deserves it pay him All right, I'm done. I'm done with that shit. Let's get back to the fucking podcast here. Let's get to some of the questions here

All right, okay, Romani and fan Funny you should say that Ash was actually talking to my agent today about Doing an Eastern European tour. I was thinking of doing two European tours next year where I do the usual guys, Iceland over to England, and then later I do fucking Scandinavia and then down the fucking Baltic states there. Hi, Bill. My name is Eddie. I'm a 30-year-old Romanian living in the UK. I'm 6'1 and used to be 290 pounds. And in January, I decided to become serious and lose weight. I got to a lowest of 2'17, but two months ago, I started working as a truck driver and I'm starting to gain the weight back. I used to work in a warehouse, very physical job, and also quit smoking

four months ago. Listen to your podcast, I'm a big fan. You are a great comedian. I only wrote to you because I absolutely love your way and share all your political views. Please put some punctuation in this. I know you mentioned my country a few podcasts to go when you were in Paris and your lovely wife whom I salute kindly. I love how people learn English. It's so proper. I salute kindly. Why salute you too kindly. And I want you to know that we Romanians are damn to be born in the same country with those pests that are called gypsies. They ruined our name and country, but I 100% agree with the fact that you did a heads up for your future holiday makers in Paris. And second of all, I'm a trucker and a few pots casts ago, you were wondering if truckers

are listening to you. Well my good man at least one surely does. The point of the email is do I continue to do this job that I fucking love being a trucker but probably gonna gonna fuck all my hard work of losing weight or do you have a piece of advice thank you so very much yeah dude start eating healthy starting healthy what I would do is I would go to the grocery store I'd have a fucking cooler and for breakfast I'd have like an apple or an orange. I would make sure that I eat really light and at night I would try to get on the fucking treadmill but you have to eat perfectly and you have to learn way more about nutrition

than I do. But if you love being a trucker man, you gotta have a job you love because then it doesn't feel like work. But if you're starting to put the weight on, you know, I would definitely say don't eat after five and I would have a giant fucking salad with some protein every night for dinner. Get yourself a sandwich. I'd crush the fucking waters. You know, late night snack, I do the celery with the spoon full of peanut butter. And that gets me through. Now, I've never tried to be a trucker. That is fucking brutal. The closest

thing I've ever been to a trucker, as far as is difficult to stay in shape was sitting in a writer's room. When I sat in the writer's room at F is for family. I put on some weight, then that went into the holidays, which went into the world tour, not world tour. I went on the other side of the world and then, you know, these bus tours haven't fucking helped. So, what I would do is I just get on the scale, see what you weigh. And then next week try to just weigh later. That's it. Even if it's just a pound because you can't fucking work out as much, I would definitely try to be as active as you possibly can. You know what I would do? I come up, this is what I do if I was you, I come up with the fucking trucker workout and diet, you know, write a book, figure out what works for you, then turn it into a goddamn

book, and then they'll expand it not just the trucker diet, just say, Hey, this work for a guy driving a truck, imagine what it would do for you all you do is commute they'd sell the shit out of it and then maybe you got enough money to buy your own truck or start your own trucking company who knows I'll tell you right now you have a hit book even after that done stealing from you at least have time to go to the gym all right well thank you for listening and I Don't know I'll go to Romania someday with my pocket zipped shut girlfriend's parents Hey, Bill I am in eighth grade and I am about to date this girl who is a freshman in high school

Dude you're fucking crushing it unless you're a woman then hey, you go easy Yes, there is a double standard. Your mother would say the same thing. The only problem is that her parents don't want her to date me because they think she'll get bullied for dating a person in a lower grade from her. Oh, all right. Okay, that's interesting. I definitely don't want to lead the relationship for some bullshit reason. So I'm asking you and hopefully the lovely Nea too for your guys advice on what I should do. Thanks and go fuck yourself.

Wait, tell me about this. Her parents don't want her to date me. Well, I mean, you really don't have a choice here. I mean, you're only choices. I want to keep dating you. This is the ball is in her court and is in her court. So I would just say to her, say, listen, I really like you. And I want to, uh, I want to be with you.

I'd like to date you. Okay. Um, if you feel the same way, I hope you, you'd want to keep dating me. But I, I can't make you date me. So, uh, you know, that's it. I'm going all in World Series of poker. I pushed all my chips in. You still want to be with me? I'll be down the fucking arcade tonight at eight o'clock. Whatever the kids do nowadays I'll be staring like a zombie at my fucking PlayStation flat screen in the surround sound

I Don't know what you I Don't what what what what what what what what can you do other than tell it that you want to be with her You know, that's what I would do, but hey No matter what end on a good fucking note If she can't do it just just just to play this card at your fucking age just be like you know what I Understand He might even add this in there listen. I understand. I don't want to put you in a bad position

With your parents, but I do really like you and I I would like to still be with you. And that isn't bullshit, right? But the parent part is setting you up for the future. Because next year you're going to be a freshman provided you study and don't fuck up and be held back. All right. Don't be that guy with the mustache in eighth grade. Please. All right. Then you get to fucking high school. Now you're in high school. You know, it's not as bad. It's off more freshman who gives it. Nobody's gonna give a fuck. You go into the same school. You're laying the groundwork to still be in the ball game. You know what I mean? You're at bat right now. The emergency swing right now. Stay alive. Stay alive. That's what I would say. Stay alive in the batter's box. Just say listen I know it's got to be tough that your parents are giving you a rough time

Okay, and ultimately the decision's gonna be yours, but I still want to date you because I really like you All right, but I don't want to make you miserable either so Make you know, god damn it. I went one sentence too far So say make a decision that you're comfortable with I'll say that Say what the fuck I just said and leave off that last thing. Alright? And then that's it. And if she fucking lets you go, like I say, stay on good fucking terms with her. Do not stalk her on Facebook.

Do not pay attention if she starts dating somebody else. Listen, if she decides to walk you just said to be like, all right, well, maybe next year when I'm in high school. All right. Maybe then she'll say, yeah, maybe then say, all right. And just say, listen, I'm not going to get mad if you start dating somebody else or something like that and then you fucking get it out there and then you can fucking crush it in eighth grade. You're in there, dude. You're already taken down them in ninth grade. This is like you're going from majors down to fucking college ball, you know,

hanging curve balls all day long standing them into the fucking trees. Like the thrill ride. I mean, I wanted the first thrill ride fucking video. I sent you. No. All right. All right. Bill, I'm old girlfriend. My old, I'm old girlfriend wants baby. Hey, Billy, I'm about to turn 48 and I'm dating a great girl and she's just turned 34. Lucky me. I was pretty much the married for 26 years and never had children. She has no baggage whatsoever. No kids, no ex, loser, husband, etc. She said she would like to have at least one kid, and I think she feels time is running out. I kind of think I am too old, but I don't

want to lose her. I like kids, but they seem like a lot of work. I don't know, those kids, you know, they seem like a lot of work said, it seemed like a lot of work, even if completely healthy. Jesus Christ, dude, even more if they have any issues Jesus dude, I can you know you're one of those guys that shouldn't have kids Not sure I got the energy for that. I want to travel and go to shows and drink and continue to be selfish But in some way it sounds kind of cool. Please help maybe Neha has a take P.S. Stewart Copeland is the greatest drummer of all time Capital and you know, it's true.

Yeah, he's one of the greats. And if that's your greatest drummer of all time, I wouldn't argue that, you know, to each of his own. Hey dude, if you wanna do it, go ahead and do it. I don't think you're too old, you know? And I think it's really like, as far as like, the work, it's the first, you know, and I think it's really like as far as like the work, it's the first, I think three, four years, once they get around five and they kind of know right from wrong, then you kind of got a buddy.

He's still going to be a pain in the ass, but you know, he's going to the bathroom himself, you know, or herself or whatever, they kind of know right from wrong. And then they think you're a god. So like the next fucking seven years, even though they're still gonna throw temper tantras and shit by the time the seven are right. I mean, if you did the fucking job and you raised them right, you gotta have a pretty cool kid. And then, you know, enjoy the next five years

because then once they become teenagers, they think they fucking know everything and just pray to God they don't get knocked up or knock somebody up I get addicted to drugs. It's really once they turn 13 you just trying to get them through education getting a good job and not marrying a fucking psycho and if you do that then I think then you can finally fucking breathe a little bit. That's what it seems like but yeah it's lot of work, but there's a part of you that I think wants to do it. So if you want to do it, I would say do it now. It's now

or never. Alright, ex lady called me up. Hey, Billy bitch tits. Hey, easy, Jesus Christ. I hope you're meeting your weight loss goals. I love listening to your podcast at the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, to go fuck yourself. Oh, speaking of drumming, by the way, I did the goddamn comedy, jam three times last week. I got to play out live in a club, man. What a fucking, what a thrill that is. What a fucking thrill.

You know, I want to thank Josh Adam Myers and everybody in the band, Joel J and Nick for putting up with me in my awful fucking playing. I was actually totally relaxed the whole week when I was playing, you know, I fucked up a lot, but uh, I just kept going. I didn't drop time too much, you know, I don't think I, you know, I fucked up Phil's. There's a couple, you know, double hits on the bass drum that I sounded like mud, but whatever. Snare was right there on the two and four, nobody noticed.

But what a fucking great time that is, I can't imagine traveling with three other people and being in a band and being fucking broke, but I can tell you right now, sitting behind a set of drums, you know, best seat in the fucking house, watching everybody else in the band going fucking nuts and actually seeing people like into it is is one of the fucking coolest things

I've ever got to do so I'll be doing a lot more of those in the future. Why the fuck not the fun is hell? Anyways, I love listening to your podcast at the gym yada yada yada go fuck yourself. I need some advice about this ex lady I used to date a few years back at the end of college. She recently sent me a message wanting to hang out I asked her about her situation or situation from a friend the lady is moving in in seven weeks and And quitter job Wait a minute, I just started daydream and halfway through that. I was thinking about drumming It's not weird. You can actually do actually do that while somebody else keeps reading and talking. Alright, I need some advice about this.

Actually, I used to date a few years back. She recently sent me a message wanting to hang out. Asked what is situational in front. The lady is moving in seven weeks and quit her job. I figured she was looking for a quick fling before she left. Ah! Bill, I thought I had struck gold. I really did.

One and a half months of no strings attached fun, and then she would just be fucking gone. You idiot, you probably saw her too much, and now she thinks there's a reason to stay. Never have to see her again. Anyways, I agree to hang out with her, and that's when she tells me that she is homeless. Ah, Jesus Christ.

She's homeless. How the fuck is she calling you? She fucked up her lease in his out seven weeks before she leaves. So now I'm hanging out with her in one week. My question for you, parentheses, and maybe a wife could help add some female charm to the answer. How do I bang her? Oh my God. But not after a letter live with me for two months. You know what? I got to put down the mic for half a second and just applaud you for admitting to the exact selfless piece of shit thing that you want to do. Hang on a second.

Selfish piece of shit thing that you want to do hang on a second Got a love honesty even if you don't like the what somebody wants to do I think she I should probably just go for it and worry about that situation later What do you think thank you and please go fuck yourself a red headed dope like yourself? All right my freckles and arms here. All right. How do I banger, but not I have to live with her? Oh, simple. You just put her up in a motel and you say you're going to pay for it. That's what I would do. That's fucking filthy, man. Jesus Christ. Put her up in a fucking hotel. It'll be cheap. She's not fucking homeless. She'll feel obligated to bang you. You're already banging before. Won't feel so filthy. That's what you could do. I might need a shower after this

fucking answer, but that I would just say that that's the way to go. By no means, let her ever stay over at your house. Do not ever fuck her over at your house. Fuck her at the motel that you put her up in. That's what you need to do. Okay? She cannot come over your fucking house if she asks you why just say just be honest. Just be honest. Just say because I'm not. You know what, dude? This is really fucked up. She's calling you in a time in need. She's calling you because she's homeless. Ladies moving in seven weeks and quit her job, dude, she might be on drugs. She fucked up her lease. She's moving. I don't know, dude. I don't know, man. You might be fucking a... Somebody who's using needles here, man. You know what I say, dude? I got one for you. Why don't you fucking rub one out and then think about it

Oh, he says p.s. Why don't you next special coming out? I think I speak for everyone when I say I can't wait to see him That's very nice of you Well, they put him out every two years. So I came out the last one came out in December every little more than two years so this is my year off where I just get the fuck around and have a great time which I'm doing and I'm already you know I have some ideas about where I want to shoot my next one what I wanted to look like and I'm just waiting for the material to come but I'm really I'm really happy. I'll tell you I'm really happy with where my act was this past weekend when I was up in Montreal

All right, let me read the rest of this the rest of the Advertising here and then I got the lemma and a couple of overrated underrated remember those all right All right the lemma Would you rather do a show with no swearing or take a bath with Oprah also with no swearing? I wouldn't subject Oprah to taking a bath with me. I'd do a show not swearing. I've done that. I can do that. Underrated overrated. These are for me. Underrated. Calling in a night. That's what I learned when I was in Montreal when I wasn't drinking and I was just sitting there slamming waters and everything. I got

to that fucking point like you know what? There's a point where you saw everything that's going to happen. Everything else is just going to get messy. Get home now where you can still wake up early and fucking work out. Also underrated, drinking waters while everyone else is getting fucked up. It's tremendous. It's tremendous. Everybody starts slurring. They say crazy shit to you. And right as they're getting just completely not even tolerable, you just fucking walk out and they don't even notice. Also underrated working out in the morning. Stepping on the scale after pushing a buck 90 a month ago and seeing 180, 180.0.0. Alright overrated after parties rich food and buying new shit. You buy new shit and then that gets with your old shit next thing.

You know you fucking room is filled. It's filled up, you know what I mean? You got to get underrated, getting rid of shit. I got stuff in my garage. I have old DVDs. Would you guys still buy DVDs if I put them up on my website? I'll autograph all of them just to get them out of my garage. I'm gonna do it. I think there's a few older people out there listening to the podcast or old school like me and they want, you know, they want the gold behind their money. They don't want to digitally own it. They want to have the hard copy. All right, that's going to be the podcast for this week. What a week I had, man. Montreal, Ottawa, you guys were unbelievable. Such great fans up there. Goddamn comedy, jam. Just Joel J and Nick. Thank you guys for putting up with my drumming and thank you to everybody

that came out to my shows. What else? what else? What else? Who else that I want to thank? God damn it. I can't fucking remember. Anyways, I'm the worst. I gotta stay, you know, I did alright this week.

I actually made some list. Anyways, this is gonna take me forever to upload because my internet sucks. So, I got an hour and ten minutes here. Guys have a good weekend on Thursday. I'll check in on you there. Alright, go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you later. 1. Draw the outline of the outline 2. Draw the line on the left side of the head. 2. Draw the line on the right side of the head. 1.0- outline of the outline 2. Draw the line on the back of the head

2. Draw the line on the back of the head I'm sorry. you you