Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-5-18

Episode Date: July 6, 2018

Bill rambles about 2am fights, political douchebags, and buying an old house.

Hey, what's going on is Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. I'm just checking in on you to see how your work week's going. You know, fucking weird one this year, 4th of July on a Wednesday. You know, if it's on the Tuesday, maybe your boss gives you the Monday off, right? You got a three-day fucking week after a four-day week and it's beautiful. You know, if it's on Thursday, maybe you don't have to come in Friday. There's your four-day fucking weekend.

Not this year. Oh, no. Oh, fucking Powder Wig itself came in on a Wednesday. Fucked everybody. Monday Tuesday, right? Everybody fucks off for Wednesday and now you gotta come back Thursday, Friday. It's cool to get the day off, but you didn't get the consecutive days off, you know? But you know you got fucked up the night of July 3rd, right?

And yesterday what you do, you ate a bunch of fucking burgers. Is that what you did? I am finally on the other side of this goddamn cold. I caught one of these post-global warming mother nature is going to start getting rid of us colds. This fucking thing, it came on slow, you know? And then it just started picking up speed and it just grabbed me by the fucking throat and just choked slam me.

Yeah. So I'm finally on the other side of it now. You wouldn't know what to hear from you right now, but I want to thank all you guys for your postcards and your well wishes. It meant a lot to me, you know, when I was sitting there in the hospital bed. I actually was the first guy who ever went to the hospital for a common cold in the San Fernando Valley area. They made a plaque for me and everything.

I went in there and the doctor was just like looking at my chart. He finally looked up. He's like, so you got the sniffles? And I was like, yeah. And he's like, you know, I have a whole emergency room full of people that got stabbed and shot. And I was like, yeah, I know, but like one of my nostrils is like really clogged up and I just can't like deal, man. Um, I'd say you guys, I saw that that documentary on Mark Ronson.

Is that his name? No, not Mark Ronson. The fucking guy who played with David Bowie is Mark Ronson, the guy. Mick Ronson. Mick Ronson is the one Mark Ronson is this is your mother, your father, your sister, whatever that fucking song is. It's giling, buying, eating some peanut butter. It's a fucking summer.

Dab adoo. Let me see your titties. All right. Isn't that all that song went, uh, Mick Ronson played with David Bowie when he was Ziggy Stardust in the spiders and, um, fucking incredible guitarist, credible musician, producer, wrote songs, you know, learned how to write out all the music and all this shit. And he got no fucking credit. Got no fucking credit.

Didn't get any money. They fucked them. I just, the music business is the absolute worst. I can't tell you how many fucking times I've seen that, you know, the drummer and the bass player on those first two Aussie solo albums, like they just, they just fuck those guys. They just, you know, guys coming in and writing riffs and writing entire fucking songs, but they're too, they don't have a good lawyer. Nobody tells them what's up.

They don't get the guy, you know, and then it's like song by Ozzy Osbourne and then they get fucked out of millions of dollars. How do you do that to a kid? It's just this reoccurring thing in the fucking music business. This fucking guy was writing all these riffs. He was writing the string arrangements. He was in the fucking studio with one of those conductor ones and they didn't even get any fucking credit.

It's fucking brutal. But what was amazing was watching the guy. I saw him. I was like, Jesus Christ, that guy looks like fucking Randy Rhodes. Same haircut, same fucking Les Paul and all that. I'm like, wait, Randy Rhodes came after Mick Ronson. So then I just looked, Googled Randy Rhodes, Mick Ronson influence and a bunch of shit came out and saying that he was a fan of his.

I thought that was pretty cool. You know, I know Randy had more of the classical guitar type of stuff in there, but you know, say, yeah, it's a good documentary. I saw it on a plane though, you know, whatever you're on a plane. Everything's fucking good. Guys, I'm not allowed to, I fucking, I'm still, I'm coming out of this shit, man. You know, I don't know what it feels like to be trapped in a mine. You know, oh fuck, aren't there some kids right now trapped somewhere?

The news is just so brutal. I just, when I read, I just see like the headline, I just go, oh, I just walk away. I don't know how people just sit there watching other people suffering. It's one thing to say, hey, these kids are trapped in a mine right over there. Grab a shovel, come with me. Then you can do something. But you just know there's sitting there and there's nothing you can fucking do about it. You know, how the fuck do a bunch of kids end up in a mine?

Is that what happened? They end up in a mine? I don't fucking remember. Stuck on a giant lily pad or something like that in the middle of the river? I don't know, I've been like fucking hallucinating all goddamn week. But one of the good things about being this sick is I haven't drank in like fucking five days, you know, and I got some acting work next week. So whenever I got acting work, I shut down all the fun, you know, oh, Billy, no fun.

You know, try to keep my face not fucking all fucking puffy and shit. So anyways, oh, God, I got nothing. Jesus Christ, I got nothing, but I got to knock this up. This is how funny I am when I'm fucking sick for five days. I'm basically not funny at all. Okay, and I would appreciate it if you guys would just cut me a little bit of fucking slack. All right.

You know what, I had a few, I fucked up when I was uploading the Monday morning podcast when my the battery on my laptop died. So 15 minutes in the middle got cut out. So we had to edit it, edit it together. So there's some fucking people wrote in some questions and I'm going to re-answer them the best I can. By the way, on Instagram, I found this account that I've been following called Don't Be a Brad and it's basically trashing like essentially a meathead white guy, frat boys.

You know, it's funny. They kind of, they kind of, you know, it's hilarious because you know, there's a lot of truth to it. But then also it's like you're completely judging these people by their skin color and nobody gives a fuck because it's fucking white guys. But a lot of them are just really good looking guys who are in frats and they're getting a lot of pussy and you're fucking annoyed by it because you're a nerd. So you started this account.

Having said that, it is funny. Like they literally have one of them yelling at a bout to go, do you know what my dad does? You know, and everybody makes fun of these frat kids. It's not their fucking fault. It's their parents. It's like making fun of millennials. It's like it's not, it's the people who raised them that fucked them up. But it's a very funny account, albeit a lot of it, you know, is just unathletic people

making fun of people who are athletic. And then there's also something too, you know, there's a curse to being fucking good looking. You know, I was reading this one time, this article in Rolling Stone and this guy who was just like this heartthrob for fucking 15 years was now like in his 60s and he was doing this fucking, this interview and they were talking to him and he was reflecting on what kind of a person he was back in his 20s and his 30s. He said, well, you know, I was, he was basically saying he was a really good looking guy. He was on a TV show and in movies and he had a big dick.

So he only had to develop so much as a human being was really fascinating. So then when he got old and he wasn't as good looking, he was creepy to younger women and shit, he actually had to finish developing all the development as a human that he never had to do before because all he did was just show up and all the women fainted. They pulled out his giant dick, you know, and he fucking went to town. He was done with that. He went back down to the movie set and made another hit movie. It was very, very interesting.

So I actually was thinking of that when I was looking at that, don't be a Brad Instagram account. It's like, this isn't these kids 100% their fault. Like if your kid is walking around acting like an asshole and then going, do you know what my dad does for a living? You spoiled the shit out of that kid. That's your fucking fault. I mean, that's complete failure as a dad.

If your kids out there being a fucking, you know, mouthing off to some bouncer that could fucking twist them up like a pretzel and then screaming like my dad's going to come down here. Oh my God, I'd just be like, son, son, fight your own battles. Like, what are you doing? I want to come down here and do what? Sue him because you're a fucking asshole. I don't want to see you get a concussion, but he should have slapped the shit out of

you. All right, Republican douche. Question mark. Hey, Bill, I'm a fan of your comedy. I'm still a fan of you, but honestly, you're starting to sound like a red pill Republican douche bag. You know, isn't that just classically classic like way that like politics is discussed now? You know, like his whole thing is called Republican douche.

Question mark. Like, I don't understand these people where if, if you're a Republican that automatically you're a douche. If you're a Democrat, you're automatically a douche. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? Like, like you don't think anybody on either side, like everybody on that side is just douche bags.

Um, anyways, he goes, no offense. You're always going on about how Hillary is evil while our country is going down the shitter and she would have saved us from a lot of these headaches. All right. Well, that's pretty vague. Our country's been going down the shitter for a long time, sir. I don't know what you're talking about. What exactly wasn't it going down the shitter?

You know, Oh, speaking of that, you know, back in the, uh, on that fucking don't be a Brad. One of the frat boys had Ronald Reagan tattooed on his calf, not a picture. It just said Ronald Reagan that fucking was, that's hilarious to me. You know, Ronald Reagan is like rich white people's Abraham Lincoln, like he set them free in a way by, you know, by, you know, deregulating everything. So then these fucking Robert Barron's could get back to what the fuck they wanted to be doing.

Um, Oh, look at that. I just made fun of a Republican, sir. Do I sound like a red pill Republican douche bag? I mean, this guy's like literally speaking in sound bites. Like how fucking like how boring a conversation would it to discuss politics with this person? Um, anyways, you say you say you don't like Trump Trump, but you sound like a closet fan who's just too afraid to say you love him because you lose a part donut store employee number two.

I think you missed a word in there, buddy. I'm not afraid to say that I like Trump. If I like Trump, I don't like him. I don't like him. And his fucking wife, the fact that she wore that jackets that said, I don't really care to you when she was going to see those kids and then tried to say like, Oh, that had to do with fake news. Like there's such passive aggressive fucking pussies that had nothing to do with fake news.

Like you're telling me nobody at the White House, this is about fake news. Well, just to let you know, they're first lady, people might think you're talking about the kids. You might not want to wear that. It was such like a fucking, you know, it's bad enough when a guy's that ignorant, but when a woman does it, she's actually had kids. She knows what it's like to have a fucking kid and to sit there and have these kids in fucking cages and she wears a jacket like that.

It's fucking, they're not human. So anyways, you said, I can't tell if it's that your fan base is all a bunch of moderate morons who would rather be contrarians than pick the good guys or the bad guys. Why don't you just pick a side? Cause clearly this is a good guy, bad guy thing going on here. Question mark. That's probably one of the most ignorant condescending fucking emails I've ever gotten. You didn't make one fucking point.

You just spoken big, broad sound bites. I get it. I get it. And you think everybody who's a Republican is a douche and the country's going down the shitter. And if we picked a Democrat, it wouldn't be going down the shitter and there are good guys and there are bad guys and the good guys are Democrats and the bad guys are Republicans. Right.

Hey, by the way, did you see the house? The Obama's just fucking bought, you know, how the fuck did they have the money to buy that fucking house? Explain that to me. You know, every fucking one of them, whether you wear a blue tie or a red tie, they come out of the White House worth fucking, you know, tens of millions of dollars other than Bill Clinton because he stuck his cigar in that woman's pussy and he had a lot of fucking legal bills.

But even they, even the fucking Clintons ended up worth being hundreds of millions. Well, actually Bill Clinton said he came out of the White House in debt, but he also said I did not have sex with that woman. So he probably had fucking millions of dollars. I don't like any of them, sir. I don't. I liked Bernie Sanders. Bernie Sanders I liked.

I'm not saying he would have solved everything, but God knows he got me. He got, he got the majority of the vote and the Democrats said fuck that we're still giving the dominant, the nomination to Hillary and she was fine with that. That had the fucking nerve to sit there and bitch about the fucking election. That last election was two AM at a bar, sir. There was no, there was no winning. There was no winning that one. I mean, Hillary literally said in 2008 to the bankers, don't worry, I got you guys.

Like I'll basically cover for you guys. I mean, you should be tried for fucking treason when you do shit like that. I don't see any difference between her or Trump. I don't. They're complete pieces of shit that are out for themselves who act like they're there for you. And it's weird if they wear a certain color fucking shirt. Half the country believes it.

All right. 25 year old buying an old house. All right. Hey, Billy Doboy, I'm 25 years old, just graduated with my master's and got a dream job, a dream teaching job in Philly. You're teaching in Philadelphia. Well, you got your work cut out for you. I'm fucking with you.

Anyways, I got my dream job teaching in Philadelphia. Where the fuck did it just go? I just lost everything here. Oh, Billy. All right. OK, with how cheap the housing market is, I figured it would be a smart decision to buy a house now rather than wait 10 years. I found a great old house in Philly.

It's in my price range. Which means price range. Move in ready. And as all the details I love about old houses, they accepted my offer and I close at the end of the month. That's exciting. 25 years old, you got a house dude. You got your dream job.

You're crushing it. All you got to do is pick the right lady and you're good. You pick the wrong one. She'll take all of it from you. But you won't see that hashtag on Twitter, will you? After listening to your podcast for a couple of years, I know that you have a love-hate relationship with your old house. Yes, I do.

Is there any advice that you have for me? For me, as I move in and make my first real adult purchase, thanks for keeping me and many other teachers sane with your podcast. All right, well, if you're going to buy an old house, Jesus, I don't even know where to begin. The first thing I would start with is the guts of the house. If you've got the money, if you can redo the electrical and the plumbing or find out to what extent it has been redone because I had a bunch of cloth wiring and galvanized pipes

in my walls. You don't want to fire and you don't want to get flooded. So that's usually a big thing there. I also had a minor gas leak. You might want to look for stuff like that. Once you get the guts done, then I would deal with the cosmetics as far as there's going to be a bunch of shit. I check out your roof.

That's another thing. I would check for termites. That's another thing. I actually have all the skeleton keys for every door in the house and I got them so they all work and then within two and a half, three years of doing it, the house settled some more and now most of the bolts don't line up with the thing and I just stopped fighting the house after a while. It's just like, all right, I get it.

This house is almost 100 years old and it's going to do what the fuck it wants to do. So once you get the electrical and the plumbing done, that's the biggest thing. And you can slowly fix up everything else, but what I tried to do is as I upgrade the electrical and the plumbing, nobody's going to see that, so fuck with the character of the house, but the worst thing you can do is to take stuff out of your house and replace it with home depot shit. I would find some sort of old school hardware store that has just those old doors from the time of your house.

You can find those places. They'll have all the door knobs and all the locks and all of that shit. You can gradually just go room by room and redo it. And what you find with your old doors, not only they have an odd size, they're also really heavy because back then the trees they were cutting down were much older. It's not wet wood or something. It's more dense wood. I don't really understand it, but they're super heavy as opposed to all these shitwood

and fucking crap that they have down at the home depot. The worst thing, what I like about your email is that you actually seem to love old houses because there's nothing worse than someone who doesn't give a fuck about an old house buys it just to flip it. And it's funny is they got the house to give it a makeover and everything. The guys that got it keep all the shit and then they take it down to those hardware stores and they sell it. And then assholes like me have to fucking buy it back to fucking make the house look right

again. All right. That's my advice. My advice is the plumbing, the electrical in your roof. That's what I would start with. And you can deal with all the fucking drafts and all the other bullshit. All right. I'm sorry guys.

My energy is just fuck. I got nothing. All right. French guy with muscular dystrophy looking for lady advice. Moshe William Tetrouge, what is that, my something, Bill Redhead. I'm a 39 year old man and I've taken a fancy to this awesome lady. We sometimes spend time together working on each other's professional and hobby projects and we have lots of fun.

The times we do hang out together to specify we're not coworkers, but we have a similar circle of friends. Here's the catch. She's 27, but I'm 39 and have a disease called muscular dystrophy. In case you don't know what it is, it's a disease similar to the kid in the wheelchair in the Jim Jeffery show and set. The difference is that in my case, I'm a hard headed guy, refused to accept my fate and exercised like crazy as a young lad while I still had some muscle mass to be able to

physically function well above expectations up to my adult years. That's great. It's only showed a little in the way that I've walked, but that's it. Also being physically disabled has really made me learn to not take anything for granted and focus on my strengths, which has really increased my personality skills and gave me game enough to have a few great relationships, not lower my standards, and it's worked so far. All right.

So what is the problem, sir? This seems all good. Anyways, since I've developed feelings for this 27 year old girl, I've been hesitant to tell her about it. If she says no and rejects me, no big deal. I've been rejected before like most other guys out there, and it's something I can handle. It's basically going to suck for a couple of days tops and everything is fine after that.

But I guess I'm more afraid if she says yes. She's still young. I'm hitting the gym as much as I can to keep myself out of any wheelchair and crutches and slow this thing down as much as I can. However, in the past 10 years, this disease has really been taking a toll on me. Jesus Christ. I think there's a shit that I bitch about. There's someone dealing with this crap.

I feel my body is going downhill to the point that stairs now look like mountains. If I fall, I can't get up on my own, which is scary to me. This girl has been single for a while and has been complaining about being single, but she's also young and has her whole life ahead of her, and I'm not sure if I'm still going to be able to wipe my own ass in 10 years. I don't want to put someone through the same pain in the future as that woman and family guy who's married to Joe in the wheelchair. Should I confess my feelings and not regret it?

So at least I tried, or should I just keep it to myself and not waste the vital part of her life if she does say yes? Merci beaucoup. De l'air et même si je suis franco. I don't know what the fuck. Thanks a lot. And same if I am something. I don't know.

What is just si quoi, ma'am? I mean, literally that's I am when same. Gross party. Okay. I'm a big fan of the Bruins and I hate the Montreal Canadians with a passion. He wrote that in French. Je déteste les Canadiens des Montréal avec un passion. Je suis quoi, ma'am, en gros, partisan des Bruins.

I would fucking tell her everything you said to me. I said, listen, I got feelings for you. I really like you, but I'm 39 years old. I have muscle dystrophy, you know, and I don't want to waste your fuck. I would not if I'd say all that. I'd fucking ask her out and then, you know, if you guys hit it off, then I would say all that other shit, you know, does that make sense? Just don't dump the whole thing on it.

Don't talk about her having to wipe your ass in 10 years and figure that would be a fucking buzzkill. But, you know, you do want to be fucking upfront. I would think. I got a buddy of mine, his wife's like that. She's got the same thing. I tell her she has MS, I think. So she has like days where she's like super tired and everything.

Why do I complain about dumb shit in life and there's people like this out there? Sir, I would ask her out, okay? She's a big girl. She's fucking 27 years old, all right? Ask her out. You're probably fucking living more in the moment than most people. You know? Fuck.

Forget about when you're dealing with some shit that you're dealing with. So, you know, you're a good guy. You actually care about, you know, you care about another person like that. You don't want to waste the best part of their life dealing with you. But who knows, maybe you guys hit it off. Ask her out, dude. Ask her out, you know, and then it moves on to another level. Then I would talk about that other stuff and see what she says.

All right, drug dealing roommate. This is going to be easy. Hey, Billy Ballbreaker, I'm from right outside of Philly. Another one. Don't hold it against me. Don Marrera is a good shit. I have nothing against Philadelphia. I just had a fucking tough show there, okay?

And I made fun of Philly. If I was someone else, I would have made fun of someone else, but I don't have a problem with it. All right, but I'm 28 and one of my roommates is a dealer. Oh, congratulations to Philly. Went into the Super Bowl, you know? I can say that now. The pain's gone away.

It was great when I first moved in at 22 and all I had to do for some pot was walk upstairs, but now we've sort of grown up and he's pushing some other shit, which worries me about the safety of our crib. Should I approach him and ask him to knock it off or just fuck his girlfriend and end the friendship? That's hilarious. Thanks. And instead of go fuck yourself, I wish you the lovely Nia and your baby girl, nothing

but the best. See you in AC in October. Go birds. Go birds. Is that the Orioles? Is that the Eagles? There's a lot of birds down there, man. What should you do?

Well, I don't think when somebody's dealing Coke, heroin, what else would be up there? Ecstasy, meth. I don't think you can just say, hey, will you knock it off like they have their stereo too loud? I mean, this person has made a decision that this is how they're going to earn a living. So I would get the fuck out of there is what I would do. I would not fuck his girlfriend because he might be trying his own fucking drugs. His drugs might tell him to do something fucking crazy to you while you're sleeping.

So I would get the fuck out of there is what I would do because one of these days you're going to be asleep and the door is going to get kicked in. It's going to be the cops and you're going to be fucking facedown with a boot in your back getting fucking handcuffed and then they're going to be like, did you know he's dealing drugs? So he's going to rat you out. That's bullshit. He used to buy him off me because he's a piece of shit.

Well, maybe he's a good, maybe he's a drug dealer with a heart of gold and he gets you out of it. Yes. You don't need that. The fuck. Get out of there. Your name's on the lease. I would kick him out.

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Dude, he would love it. Then he would talk it up and they'd sell a whole bunch of them as opposed to me fucking sitting here post Ebola, sweating like a fucking guy in the first 48. All right, hymns. It wasn't us. It was hymns. 66% of men lose their hair by age 35. Can I tell you guys a fucking hilarious story?

I was at the laugh factory a couple of nights ago. And I get off stage and this guy comes up to me. Like he does hair transplant surgery and he's got like his card, right? When I just realized the volume is way down on this fucking thing. Hello, hello, hello. So the guy fucking. He comes up to me after my set. He goes, Hey, man, I can fix that.

I can fix that talking about my bald head. And he's got this before and after photos. Now here's the thing. I've told this is the third time this same guy has approached me. All right, the first time it was, it was fucking, I laughed. It was hilarious. You know, because he said the same thing. He came up to me and goes, Hey, I can fix that.

I didn't go to his place and say, Hey, man, I don't like the way I look. You know, he just walked up to me and was so convinced that I thought I looked as awful as he evidently thought I looked that he thought it was totally fine to come up to me and just say, Hey, I can fix that. You know, and I laughed and I said, no, man, I go, I'm cool. I'm cool. I like the way I look. You know, I'm actually getting better roles now that I look. I look like a fucking, you know, before I used to, I look like Howdy Doody.

I didn't get good parts now. You know, I get to play fucking assholes because I look like one. I always was one, but I didn't always look like one. So he's like, all right, all right. You know, and then I ran into him when I was down Largo, same guy. And I was just like, Jesus Christ, my buddy, I'm fine. I'm fine. Right. So anyways, I was doing Kevin Neal and show.

Tuesday at the Laugh Factory and I get off stage and this fucking guy comes up to me again. He goes, Hey, you know, I can fix that. And he goes, I'm the best in the business. First of all, dude, if you're the best in the business, then like, why are you fucking running up to comics who just got off stage at a comedy club, handed out your business card? You know, you're like a fucking like a, like a rapper who just started who's selling mix tapes out of his fucking car.

If you're the best in the fucking business, you know, I, I, people should be walking into your office as you pose, you rushing up to people. Right. So I said to the guy, I go, Jesus Christ, dude, I go, this is the third fucking time he came up to me. I'm fine the way I look. I look fine. He goes, you look like an Arian. It's what he said. So I finally, I just kind of snapped a little bit on him. You know what I mean? Cause it was like, it kind of was not funny anymore.

It was just like, dude, like you're fucking harassing me here. I don't want, I'm sorry. I don't want fucking hair plugs. What do you do? You know what it is? He wants to fuck. He wants, he wants a fucking comedian that's got some TV credits that he can do it. So he can be like, you know, you know, just, just as Bill Byrd, I'll stand there going, I love my hair, you know, in his fucking commercial, so you can go out and get a boat. Cause that's what I felt like he was trying to use me, you know what I mean? Trying to use my bald head so we can go out and get the fucking boat in

the big titted whore off, off of my fucking, you know, you know, male pattern baldness. I thought he was going to use me like, like fucking Sharon Osborn did to those people on that fucking album. So I was fine. Yeah, dude, I go, I go enough, buddy, enough with your stupid fucking hair plugs. I don't, I don't want your dumb ass hair plugs. And he's like, all right, sorry, I appreciate what you do. And I felt bad cause he kind of walked away. But, uh, how funny is that?

He's fucking slinking up to you to come and get you. He's fucking slinking up to you in a comedy club. He does hair transplants. It's like 10 o'clock at night and he's slinking up to me, handing my business, his business card, and he had the fucking nerve to say, I'm the best in the business. Then why does this feel so dirty, sir? Thought he was going to fucking ask me if I wanted an abortion. Um, all right, hymns.

Wasn't us. It was hymns. 66% of men lose their hair by the age of 35. Is that right? Man, there's a lot of people out there with hair plugs, cause you don't see six on it. It's almost seven on a 10 guys. The thing is when you start to lose, to notice hair loss, it's too late. It's easier to keep the hair you have than to replace the hair you've lost. I ask you, why do guys turn to weird solutions or do nothing when they can turn to medicine in science?

Well, cause you just fucking man up and accept your fate. I don't know. Uh, for hymns.com, a one stop shop for hair loss, skincare, sexual wellness for men. Uh, thanks to science, baldness can be optional. Is this true? Uh, hymns connects you with real doctors and medical grade solution to treat hair loss. No waiting room, no awkward doctor visits. Let me sit there. There's all these other balding people in the waiting room. Save hours by going to for hymns.com.

Uh, H-I-M-S, uh, answer a few quick questions. Doctors will review and can prescribe you. Product, uh, products are shipped directly to your door. My listeners get a trial month of hymns for just $5 today right now while the supplies last, see websites for full details. This would cost hundreds. If you went to the doctors or a pharmacy, go to for hymns.com slash burr. That's for hymns. F-O-R-H-I-M-S.com slash burr for hymns.com slash burr.

Yeah. For those of you who don't want to be bald, personally, I don't give a shit. I actually love having a shaved head. I'm not even gonna lie to you. And I know I look like a freak, but it's kind of fucking awesome. Um, you know, people think you know Jiu Jitsu. You don't know Jiu Jitsu. All right. Um, hey, I can help you with that. Jesus Christ, buddy, I know I look bad. I didn't know I looked that bad that you could just fucking walk right. I can imagine if he gave boob jumps and he just walked up to some check. Hey, I can help you with that.

No, you look terrible. One tense going this way, the other going the other way. All right, quip. The truth is most of us are brushing our teeth wrong. Is this how you do it? How do you brush your teeth wrong? Not for long enough and forget to change our brush on time. All right, fair enough. That's because most brands focus on selling flashy gimmicks rather than better brushing, but not quip. Oh, not these guys are quip. So what makes quip so different? You might have asked, maybe you didn't ask,

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Oprah's O list, like she literally named it after herself twice, named one of times best inventions and is the first subscription electric toothbrush accepted by the American Dental Association. Plus, they're backed by a network of over 20,000 dentists and hygienists and hundreds of thousands of happy brushes use quip every day. Quip starts at just 25 bucks. And if you go to getquipqup.com slash burr right now, you'll get your first refill pack for free with a quip electric toothbrush.

That's your first refill pack for free at getquip.com slash burr spelled G. E. T. Q. U. I. P. Dot com slash burr. All right. The fuck was I just going to go look up? That made me want to look something up. It wasn't for hymns. I have no idea. I already forget. I forget. All right, guys, I apologize.

I'm fucking sick. I am here. Just enjoy the music and listen to a half hour of a Thursday afternoon podcast where I wasn't fucking sick. Hopefully. All right. God bless you. God bless the United States of America, Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians. People with hate groups. People who love groups.

Anti-social people. Ball people, people at the back of comedy clubs who hand out business cards for hair plugs. All right. Have a great weekend, you cunts, and I'll talk to you on Monday. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. La la.

La la la la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la l la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la.

La la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. Did you enjoy the Fourth of July? You know, first of all, for right out of the gate, right out of the gate, I want to thank everybody that did some dumb shit with fireworks and had the presence of mind to fucking make a YouTube video out of it. You know, so guys like me could

just sit there. I was laughing my ass off last night. I went to bed and I was watching people shooting bottle rockets out of their ass, having Roman candle fights, seeing somebody take one to the face. Do you know some guy in Maine lit something off on top of his fucking head and he died instantly? They were like, he lit off. They said some mortar or something fucking insane. What kind of, you know, what kind of a fucking asshole would do something like that? He must have had it. There's no way. Everybody knows once you get up to anything like a pack of firecrackers on your head, you're like, that's, that's funny. You're going to fucking kill your eardrums and you know, but you're going to survive. But what, what do you put an M80 in his mouth or

something? Well, I don't know, Bill, you fucking brought it up. All right, relax. Let's just look up. Maine guy dies fireworks. All right, man shoots off fireworks from top of his head, dies instantly. A 22 year old man was drinking and celebrating the fourth of July. Happy birthday to America. Don't put it on my head. Happy birthday to America. I'll fucking like it. Happy birthday. Wow. Michael. Oh my God. Somebody call an ambulance. That's how it went down. 22 year old men who was drinking and celebrating the fourth of July, tried to launch a firework from top of his head, killing him instantly. Authority said authority said you got to be an authority to say that somebody's fucking dead after they light

something off on their head. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Claire, clear the way. Yes. Yes, he is dead. Well, they kind of knew that he has brains all over the sidewalk. Watch your mouth woman. Watch your mouth woman. It's one of my favorite quotes in sports. Over the last fucking, I don't know how many months, six months, watch your mouth woman. When that woman called asked LeBron what it was like to be a punk ass bitch. And then that guy's going watch your mouth woman. Watch your mouth woman. And you know, you would think that the broads would have had such would have fucking difficulty with it. Like, you know, I realized that she said something derogatory towards him, but that's no excuse. Go change your bra lady. All right. I love that they didn't say anything

because even they knew, even they knew that guy, you know, that bitch was out of line. I'm just talking shit today. They won't say what kind of firework it was. All right. Apparently, he thought that was a great idea that just when you died in a stupid fucking way, when somebody starts it off, when they start your eulogy off with apparently, you know, apparently this guy thought sticking his head in the garbage disposal was, you know, going to give him a good buzz. I mean, I'm sorry to bring it up, Claire, but you know, how did he even get it in there? Hallelujah. His friends said they thought they thought they dissuaded him from doing it. The next thing they knew, he ignited the firework,

and he was killed instantly. What the fuck did he shoot off? There was no rushing him to the hospital. There was no Devin left when I got there, said 25 year old Cody. Jesus Christ, the names of this generation, huh? Devin, Cody, Jeep Wrangler. Devin was the kind of person who would do something stupid. Absolutely. He was the kind of person who would pretend to do something stupid to make people laugh. Well, he wasn't faking it. All right. It's the first fireworks fatality, since they legalized fireworks January 1st, 2012. Well, he just fucked it up for the whole state. It's bad enough. Everyone's on heroin. Now you're going to give them fireworks.

I mean, what next? Does ISIS get their own juice store? Come on, people. Over 18% of bottle rockets are shot out of people's anuses in this state alone. This needs to stop. That's going on in Main Street right now in Maine. Hi, do you know me? Of course you don't. I'm your regular housewife here in Maine. My son is on heroin. My other son shot a Roman candle up his ass. I'm sorry to be graphic. He was trying to shoot it out of his ass, but apparently it is excitement. Well, who's getting who? I mean, in order to light the wick, you got to be able to see it. So I don't know how these things were done. When we were kids, we just, we lit them and

we ran away. We hit under our desks. That's what we did. Devin was a great person. And in New Jersey, a 52-year-old man blew off a large piece of his leg below the knee when he set off a tennis ball-sized firework in Montana, Montana, Montana. A 32-year-old man was killed at his building's home in a fireworks accident involving a mortar tube. All right, at least there was some sort of mortar round. I mean, mortar round. I mean, first of all, when you start lighting off shit, when your neighbors start screaming, and coming, you know, what do you think is going to happen? Let's look up a mortar tube here, everybody. I'm learning about fireworks through the death

of my fellow Americans. I spilt Motar. All right, firework mortar tubes. How about some images? Let me see what the fuck these things look like. Is there some sort of, all right, all I see is Army guys. Yeah, that's not good. You know, when the shit you're shooting off, oh, there we go. Well, there's one that looks like a little barbershop thing. What a fucking dope. He shot that off his head. You know what probably happened, I would guess, is that there was some sort of discharge from the bottom end of it in the concussive force, but it seems like there was no Devon. He fucking blew his head off. Jesus, what a way to start. I had such a wonderful weekend. I didn't mean this when I was talking about funny shit. I was just talking about,

you know, people having Roman candle fights. Come on, we all did that shit, right? That's that is the evolution of all weaponry. All right, anything that has an explosive device, anything that that it's explosive device, anything that that fucking blows shit up, you just you start or anything that you can shoot at a target, it always starts simple. Let's light it off. You know, let's, let's point it in that direction at the trees. Right. Right. And then what, then you move up to, uh, let's torture some insects. Let's shoot a bird. And eventually, because, you know, the way human beings are that we always try to top one another and we get bored, which is the reason why we went from walking to the horse to the car.

I'm really in deep right now. I know. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Eventually, you're going to move to the, the, the ultimate prey, the human being, you know, something that can think the same way you do something that may have done better in math than you did. You know, that's the challenge. This person passed algebra. I did not. We're both trying to kill one another is, you know, first outside inside last going to come into play here when we're out in the woods, our opposite angles being congruent. Is that going to be the death of me or do I just have that extra something? Do I want it a little bit more? Am I able to block out the fifth commandment? Do I have such a strong religious background that I can hear God's voice

in my head telling me that I'm right? Telling me to deliver that animal. It's not even a man anymore. It's a fucking animal. Deliver that animal in the express lane to its maker. Right? Do I have that? I mean, it's inevitable. That's personally why I don't fuck with fireworks. I don't fuck with fireworks because I know that I am scatterbrained and I get bored easily and I have 10,000 fucking hobbies and eventually lighting it off in the driveway is not going to be enough for me. Okay, I have neighbors. I have neighbors that I get along with. Maybe I'm bored with the fact that I get along with them. Maybe I want to start maybe some days you just wake up and you just want to start some shit and you just happen to have some fireworks that don't just blow up.

They go way up in the air and you want to shoot somebody, right? Anyways, my condolences to anybody who knows somebody that died. No, I don't have any condolences for the people that died because you're fucking dead and you're either dead or I think you're in a better place because someone who's dumb enough to blow themselves up on the July 4th weekend with their own goddamn explosives, I don't think ever had the brains to really hurt another human being knowingly. I never knowingly lied knowingly hurt another fucking human being. I mean, honestly, that fucking stupid, obviously you could go out and you could hurt somebody, but you know, do you really have the mental capacity to understand, you know, your actions?

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday Morning Podcast for July 5th, 2010, one day after the birthday of this country. Happy birthday to America. Happy birthday to the USA. Happy birthday, fuck every other country. You don't like us anyway. You fucking douchebags. Jesus Christ. Happy birthday to one of the most hated countries on the face of the fucking planet. You know, everybody's shitting on us. All those fucking World Cup referees, you know, people tugging on our shirts, kicking us in our fucking American balls. They don't see any of it. The only reason why we're out of the World Cup is because of our foreign policy. That's why. That's why we were always off sides. They never were. The Ghanaistas,

whoever the fuck kicked our ass. I don't know. Is the World Cup still going? Is the world still watching? Let me ask the world the question. When your team gets knocked out, do you tap out and like, ah, fuck the World Cup, you know, and you go back to your hut and you grind up corn in that little guacamole bowl. Do you do that? Um, what exactly is done? Do you continue watching? I mean, because I watch NFL football. And when the New England Patriots got raped by the Baltimore Ravens, I continued to watch the, the playoffs playoffs. Yes, playoffs. I continued to watch them. And so I was wondering if you guys are so into soccer. Yes, and I am calling it soccer because

it's, it's our birthday this week. So I'm not going to fucking cow-tow down to you motherfuckers and say, call it football, you know, just because you have a ball and you can only kick it with your foot. You know, you guys think you're so clever. Oh, that's real football. Really? You can kick it with both feet, can't you? Why isn't it football? What's the deal with football? Um, look at me with a head of fucking steam. I'm hungover too. I feel like shit. I had a bunch of fucking 4th of July barbecue. You know, is it ever good? Is it ever good? Oh, look at the ribs all slathered and fucking glistening and fucking fat. And you get over there and you stick your fat American face right into it. It's all over your face like some fucking two-year-old trying to

eat birthday cake, you know, and you run your hands through your hair with it. Get that fucking grizzled moose look going. That's right. Then you have sex with some underage girl in a hot tub and you have to flee to France because in France that's a fucking acceptable America. Um, no, actually I had some great, uh, some great food yesterday. I just had too much of it. I just could not stop stuffing my fat face. I was that kind of full where I couldn't stay in one position. I was like sitting down and then after a while that wasn't comfortable. Then I'd stand up for a minute and then that wouldn't be comfortable. Then I had to like lean on the side of the person's house fucking with the foundation at that point. But it was a good time. Birthday of America.

I actually went to a party, uh, that was just a little bit into the Hollywood Hills and, uh, was looking out over LA and it's absolutely fucking hilarious the amount of illegal fireworks that are shot off. I don't know in every city or in LA in particular, because I've never had like a bird's eye view and somebody made this hilarious joke that was, we were looking out. It looked like when America bombed, uh, United States, I should say, the United States bombed, uh, Baghdad and then as we were watching the fireworks going off, there should have been like a little CNN logo down on the left hand side of, uh, our eyeballs and then we all had a big laugh after this person made that hilarious joke. Remember that shit? You know, it really made me feel like,

you know, what the fuck? Wasn't that a deep thought? It really made me think, what the fuck? Gee, Bill, I don't think you need to elaborate on that anymore. I think you really summed it up. Nah, just thinking like, what, uh, what would I be doing? You know, if, uh, if I was sitting in a city that was getting bombed and I worked in like a fucking, you know, I was like, uh, I always say a hardware store for once, Bill, can you come up with a different job? Uh, maybe I put shoes on the bottom of, uh, uh, llama's feet. Feet, feet, you know, there's a llama, like, is that like an Australian animal or is that from the mid, uh, I almost said the Midwest, the Middle East. Every once in a while you see a llama in this

fucking country and it almost causes an accident because you're like, what the fuck happened to that pony's neck? Um, no, it really made me think like, I laughed and then I felt bad. Like, where the fuck do I get off laughing? There's nothing funny about war. Even if we got to go in and we got to do the shit, there's just nothing funny about it because there's a bunch of people on the fucking ground who had nothing to do with shit, you know, they had nothing to do with that maniac and his Tom Selleck mustache. They're just trying to fucking survive and then these people come in there to rescue them and they end up getting fucking blown up. And then here I am, feeding my face like a fat fuck, you know, just full of pork, cornbread, some Nella wafer dessert, about four

beers and I'm eyeballing a slice of pizza, watching fireworks in the fucking Hollywood Hills. Ah, it looks like Baghdad. We all should have just projectile vomited right there in a tribute to the end of the Roman Empire, you know, when they used to, they had those rooms, those puking rooms. You just sat there stuffing your face and then you would fucking go in there and just puke, which is another fucking reason why these fucking European cunts really need to sit down and read a history book. They always talk about how dumb we are, the exact same shit that they're making fun of us for, they've all done two, three times over, every fucking one of them and I'd rattle off the stats but I don't know them. Please, you can tell me that little fucking midget Napoleon

didn't stuff his fat face, a little fucking Danny DeVito looking douchebag. Huh? What happened to him? He went to Waterloo. What's up with that fucking Waterloo? This is like typical fucking American shit talking. I know, I know the major fucking players and I know the major battle names but I have no idea what happened. He went to Waterloo, which I believe, was that in Austria? Was that right down the street in Connecticut? What the fuck did that happen? All I know is he went there and he got his little fucking ass kicked. Did he write a pony in the battle because he was so little that if he actually fell off a real horse it would be falling off like a fucking skyscraper? Huh? That little douche rubbing his fucking stomach because

he had an ulcer because he has that little dwarf stomach that can't, they can't digest more than a couple of strawberries and he's sitting there trying to fucking dive in and be the big guy. He won't accept it. He won't accept it. He's a little guy with little organs and a little intestinal tract. So what does he do? He stuffs his face trying to out eat his fucking drill sergeant. You know, eating a Bronto burger, whatever they did back then. Next thing you know he's got an ulcer and there's no Pepto. There's no fucking Pepto. You know, it's the 1500s. I did that on purpose just for all you fucking snobs. I know he was around in the 1800s. Wasn't he? Or was it the 1700s? I don't know. One of those ones where you fucking, you wore too much makeup, you know, and you curled

up your hair like that chick on a little house in the prairie that I was making a reference to. Nelly, Nelly Olson, who's got a fucking book coming out, doesn't she? You know? See, now that's how you do it as a child star. When you fall off, she never got involved in drugs, you know? She just kept fucking living off of her residuals. Granted, she had the options because evidently that series plays all over the world, you know? But now she writes a book, you know? You just keep milking it. You just write a book. Still Nelly. Still Nelly after all these years. And you answer the same fucking questions over and over again. How close was that character to the real you? Is there a little bit of Nelly in you? Is there a little bit of Nelly in all of us?

You know? And people wonder why those celebrities end up snapping in those fucking interviews. Somebody sent me a YouTube video this week about Mel Gibson, who's having another rough week. By the way, he still, no audio tape of him being a douche has really come about. I think that's just the ex-girlfriend claiming he did some shit like that. Either that or he's got a fucking unbelievable fucking lawyer, which, you know, could be either or. But what the hell is it? What the fuck is a YouTube video? Oh, man, I was on such a roll. Why does my voice hurt like I did a bunch of... Oh, there it is. Like, I did a bunch of shows this weekend. Was it because I was drunk yelling at people? All right. Mel Gibson's... Here's a YouTube video. Look up Mel Gibson, Dean Richard,

calls Dean Richards an asshole. And somebody asked me my opinion on it. And I think he was... I think he was well within his fucking right to call him an asshole. Basically, what happens is this guy goes the passive-aggressive route where Mel comes on to hype his movie. And Dean's like, you know, hey, it's great to have you here. But blah, blah, blah. And you can see Mel. Mel's already defensive because he's got that anti-semite rant hanging over his fucking head. So he's already fucking just, you know, he can see it in his face like, ah, fuck, let me just get through this fucking interview without this guy bringing the shit up. So the guy, he fucking, he soft sells him, whatever. He's passive-aggressive. Oh, this about the movie. That about the movie.

And then he goes, yeah, you know, it's kind of some familiar ground. I feel like I'm visiting an old friend, which is a really cunty way of saying like, yeah, I've already seen you do this movie before. But he doesn't come out and say it. Mel handles all of it with grace. And then finally, in the end, you know, he fucking suckers him with the overhand right going, oh yeah. So how do you think the public's going to receive you? And he goes, well, what do you mean? He goes, you know, with some of your troubles that you've had in the past. And Mel goes, well, you know, my life's kind of in a roller coaster. And the guy just keeps going and goes, what exactly are you talking about? And he just fucking, he goes, you know, when you got drunk and blah, blah, blah. And he

brings that shit up again. And Mel's like, dude, he spent four fucking years, yada, yada, yada. This is my thing. It's like one of those deals where Mel Gibson, he did say it. So, but my thing is if you're going to fucking trash the guy for it, just go ahead and trash him. Don't sit there and act like you're the guy's fucking buddy, and then out of nowhere, hit him over the head with it. So he ends up calling the guy an asshole. The guy is an asshole. And the other point is that Dean Richards guy, I swear to God, if you tapped his phone, if you tap that guy's fucking phone, you don't think that that he would say anything that that would involve some sort of apology. I'm just really tired of people acting like they don't have any sort of fucking issues whatsoever. I'm not

saying that you're a straight up fucking racist, all right? But you never caught yourself, you know, you're walking down the street. It's late at night. You see some of a particular race. And what do you think? You're thinking the worst shit, you know? And then it turns out, for some reason, you have to interact with them. And then they're the exact opposite of what the fuck you thought they were. I mean, I don't know. I'm just sick of people. When somebody does something like that, everybody gets to be like, holier than thou and act like they don't think any fucked up thoughts. And secondly, second, secondly, second of all, I think I'm on third of all at this point. And see my third point, I'm just going to switch between numbers and letters here.

Mel Gibson has a lot of fucking issues, right? So how do you cure the guy of these fucking hateful issues? You fucking drag him across the goddamn coals and rub his fucking face in it? I mean, I really don't think that that's going to make a guy with fucked up thoughts really sit back and reflect. You know, I mean, it's up to that dude whether he wants to sit back and reflect. But, you know, I don't think like trying to think of a good fucking analogy. I got it. Like when I lived in Boston, I absolutely fucking hated the Yankees and I fucking hated their fans. And then when I moved down to New York and I had to interact with them, you know, they weren't as bad. But I still thought that they were douchebags at the end

of the day. All right, that was a bad example. Whatever. I fucking wing the podcast. You know what I'm saying? At some point, I think the public has to forgive Mel Gibson, particularly anybody that he went off on. I think he should be a nice guy to him. And then he can realize, wow, what the fuck was I thinking? Here's so and so he's part of the group X, Y, and Z that I went off on. I really was a drunk douchebag. But I think if you're a fucking racist cunt, and you think that shit, I think mostly maybe you'll probably remain that way. But if you're actually truly trying to not be a racist cunt anymore, if the group that you attacked is a fucking asshole to you, not a fucking asshole, that's a bad, but like just constantly is yelling at you, I don't,

I don't see where you think that that guy is going to turn the fucking corner. You know, with a fuck you calling us douchebags, you fucking cunt. Oh yeah, what was I thinking? You know what I mean? Does that make any sense whatsoever? I don't fucking know. Whatever. Look, I can separate the racist guy from his movies. I was kidding. It's hard to. It's a fucking difficult thing. And the guy did say it, so I guess he does deserve that. But I just thought that was a really fucking pussy ass way. I just watched the interview. The guy's being really passive aggressive. He's taken swipes at the movie, you know, saying it's like, oh, this is, he's basically saying, Mel, this is you doing shit.

I saw you do 20 years ago. What's up with that? But he was saying it in this, you know, you know, I just felt like I was visiting an old friend. You know, what about doing the stunts? Is it harder to do the stunts now that you're older? You know, that type of shit. Yeah, Dean. Yeah, it is harder. Is it harder for you to see a dick when you sit down, when you take a shit, you old fat fuck? Yeah, we're getting older. What is your point? I'm trying to sell a movie here. You're taking me out at the knees. Why, if you were just going to take me out at the knees, why didn't you just do a rant on your show rather than have me get up at fucking five in the goddamn morning for you to pretend like you actually respect me on some level?

I don't know. I guess that's my problem with the video. Like I, those of you listening to my podcast, you know how much I hate passive aggressiveness. It's just, I don't know, it's really a, it's one of the bitchiest qualities you can have as a fucking human being. You know, if you're going to be a cunt, stand there flat footed with your shoulders squared up and just hit him 100, I was going to say full force, just like fucking Jeff Farmer, who I'll be getting to later. Full force with being a cunt towards them. You know, that's like you have to piss somebody off, you cut them off in traffic and they're behind you and you're looking their face and you know they're mad at you, right? And you drive for like two, two and a half miles and then you make a right and

they're still going straight. And as you make a right, they drive by and then they beep at you. You know, is they go by? That's that type of shit. Lean on the fucking horn the second I do something, all right? Don't wait till I make a right turn and you could fucking beep at me and then drive away. Jesus Christ, that was, that was, you know what, that was a nice goddamn example. That was really a nice example. Anyways, I went out and I bought some new clothes this weekend, everybody. It's kind of one of those weird things when you become an adult where as a kid, I don't know about you guys, I know these kids nowadays, they're all fucking spoiled with their iPads, you know, and they have box of condoms or whatever the fuck they get at school every goddamn

day. I was just picturing people like 18 listening to this, throwing their hands up like what? Dude, we don't get that. Yeah, there's that weird thing. When I was a kid, you got, you got new clothes once a year. You know, Christmas didn't count because those were from your grandmother and that was please beat the shit out of me clothes. I guess you got a couple of things, but like basically, you got new clothes at the beginning of every year. That's how it worked to my family. Beginning of every year, you went down to the fucking Levi store. You got like three different pairs of fucking corduroy's and you got a new pair of sneakers and you got like three shirts and that was it. See you next September. They have fuck. Oh, that was it. That was it. And the rest was

hand me downs from your older brothers and sisters, not sisters, older brothers or whatever, or older sisters if you're abroad, you know, trying to fucking make this this podcast for everybody. Why don't I just sound like fucking Dana Carvey's George Bush? That sounded like that to me. Trying to do the podcast for everybody, not gonna do it. Wouldn't be prudent. That's a terrible impression, Bill. Why don't you shut the fuck up and talk about your stupid clothes? Fine, I will. My podcast, I'll fucking talk about whatever I want to talk about. What do you think about that? Yes, that was it for the whole fucking year and your sneakers look good till about September 30th and then that was it and that was fucking it. But the weird thing as

an adult is, you know, you think I'm going to say that you buy clothes more often. The reality is, is you don't. You don't. You let a couple of school years go by and then one day, you know, you have to go to an event that you haven't gone to in a while, like say like a barbecue. I can't remember the last time I went to a fucking barbecue and you start fishing out your barbecue clothes from the bottom of your goddamn dresser drawer. You know, bring a bathing suit. I pull out this fucking bathing suit. It's got a Mustang Mustang. I can't even talk this week. It has a mustard stain from like fucking back when Clinton was in office. And I don't know what it was. Not like I'm up on bathing suit styles, but I could just tell it was not in style anymore and everything was just

fucking linty and old looking and all that shit. So I was like, God damn it. I got to go to the fucking mall. So I go to the mall. I had to buy some new sneakers and I go into the footlocker and they're selling Lakers t-shirts that says 16. This is Los Angeles Lakers 16 fucking NBA championships on it. And the footlocker guy comes up dressed like a ref, you know, and he comes up to me and he's just like, Hey, sir, is there anything I can help you with? I said, Yeah, you can fix that t-shirt right there and have it say Los Angeles Lakers 11 NBA championships. And he's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, cause you won your first five is the Minneapolis Lakers. All right. Six Los Angeles Lakers. It should say Minneapolis slash Los Angeles Lakers.

You got that Los Angelenos. Those first five championships are not yours. So why don't you fucking cave in your chest a little bit down to about 11 championships. And I'll keep mine way the fuck out there with my 17 NBA championships from the Boston Celtics, all of them in Boston. Are you guys still confused about that LA? Think about how many times have you burned down your city? You haven't burned it down 16 times. You burned it down 11 times. You fucking asshole. Classic people from Los Angeles just padding their fucking resume. You're a fucking PA on a project. All of a sudden you're an executive producer. You went 11 championships as the Los Angeles Lakers. And all of a sudden now you're walking around with 16 NBA championships. You got a lot of

fucking nerve just like Tiger Woods wife. You got a lot of fucking nerve. Stand the fuck down. I don't know. I can't remember if I talked about this last week on the podcast, but after watching some World Cup soccer and watching these fucking pansies, every time anybody comes near them, flopping around like they just got fucking tasered, I was like, you know what? I bet Paul Gasol, that's where he learned his flopping around on the fucking court out there. Either that or you still watch a fishin' show. I can't figure out what. He just outgrew the sport, the big fucking goof. Ugh, his fucking face. How do you fucking start squinting before you even start driving to the goddamn rim? If Paul Gasol ever puts out a ringtone, that's what it's gonna sound

like. He fouled me. Oh, I just can't get over it. I just can't get over that we fucking lost to those assholes. And Kobe choked and Pau choked. They both choked in Game 7 and no one's ever gonna fucking remember if it wasn't for this podcast. I'm gonna be bringing it up for years. All right. Anyway, so it's July, everybody. We're over the hump. Another year. Another year is flying by. All right? And I want you guys to realize that it is July 5th. All right? In the end of August is coming. So you make sure that you do something fun every goddamn weekend. All right? So I don't know about you guys as you get older. I don't know what the fuck happens. It's May and you're like, oh my God, summer's coming. And then the next thing you know, it's over. And you're like,

I didn't do shit. I didn't do one fucking fun thing. All I did was work. And right as you get mad, and you're gonna actually examine how the fuck you let another summer slip away, all of a sudden it's preseason football. And you get so fucking excited that you forget that you wasted another summer. Yeah, that's you guys a question. When was the last time you went intertubing down a goddamn river? Isn't that what you're supposed to do in some sort of wrangler gene cutoffs? Oh, by the way, by the fucking way, speaking of Wrangler, do you want to know why that reference was in my fucking head? When I went, I'm really bringing the voice down for this story, everybody. When I went to go shopping yesterday, you know, which is one of the great activities you can do with

your girlfriend when you need new clothes. I mean, if you ever just want to watch your girl's face, just light up, just say that to her. Hey, sweetheart, you want to go shopping? Oh my god, he finally gets me. He gets who I am. I would love to go. So we go over to the fucking mall and I'm like, all right, I need to buy some clothes, some barbecue clothes, some clothes that I can wear, hanging out of barbecue so I won't get trashed at this fucking barbecue because there's going to be a bunch of comedians there. I'd already get a bunch of shit if there was a bunch of pipe fitters down there or whatever. They would already be breaking balls. So I got to go down there. I got to be looking all right. So we go to the mall and she takes me into Target or as the women

call it, Target. That's the little fucking, oh my god, we're being frisky joke. And this is the amazing thing about women is women can go into a Target and find something and make it work. As they say, God, I can't believe I know that fucking expression. Okay, I'm really going to have to bring up my excuse here. My girl watches that fashion show and I actually am aware of that guy with the glasses who goes make it work. And this is basically how it works. My girl watches those reality shows and I might even bring her in here. Hey, Nia, you want to come in on the podcast? All right, all right. Nia's coming in on the podcast, everybody. I'm going to explain basically how it works when I, the lovely Nia, everybody. I was actually, I was talking about

how when I needed some new barbecue clothes that you took me to Target. And I was beginning to say that Target, like there's something about women that you can go into a Target and actually whatever you find, you can make it work. And then I realized that that was the saying of that. Yes. So now I'm feeling like, yeah, like people will be like, you actually watch those shows. How long do I last when I watch those reality shows with you? About five minutes before I kick you out. Kick me out. Why? Because you act like a dick. What do you mean? I don't act like a dick. I start like a dick. I start trashing the people on the show. Yeah. Well, you make little jokes and stuff and it's funny and then you get annoying and you hinder my ability to enjoy it. So I kick

you out. All right. I want to defend my thing. So she brings me into Target to go. What's that? I thought we were going in there for you to find workout clothes. Yeah, workout clothes, which so she brings me into the corner of the store and she shows me these fucking, I didn't even know champion still made workout clothes and they've since changed their logo and she's like, huh, look at these. You like these workout clothes and it literally looked like the kind of shit you'd wear. Like, you know, when you get, you get arrested for something and then seven years later, when they let you out of jail, they give you your clothes back. That's what the fucking look like basketball shorts. Yeah. And I said, yeah. And they're also like that Jordan level

where it's all the way down to your cab still. If they don't realize that it's actually, they've, they found a happy medium between the Larry birds and the Michael Jordan. Yeah, which is a little bit above the knee. Right. And so what did I do? I went in there and I said, I'm, I was in there for like three seconds. I'm like, yeah, I'm not buying any shit here. It was really irritating. And you got fucking mad at me because Bill, whenever we go shopping together and I have suggestions or whatever, you just walk in, look for not even three seconds, you're being very generous to yourself. You walk in, you're like, I'm not fucking doing this. You don't even look. You don't even take the time. I was right. But I was right.

They had tank tops next to like dickies. So like, yeah, like, what are we going to snake out a fucking toilet and then go play some hoop? It's not, it's not for men. Target is not for men. I don't think it is unless unless they're getting stuff now that buying can openers and beer glasses, that's what the fuck they're getting. They're not bought. What are they going to buy? Slacks? They had lots of, they had lots of t-shirts and stuff that you could have gotten, you know. Oh yeah. They, I could have got some sneakers in there too with the Velcro fucking snap things over the front. As if to say, I, I, you know, I lost part of my foot in a boating accident. They don't need to be that expensive. If it's workout clothes, of course you want to

look nice, but you don't have to spend a ton of money. I don't know. I don't believe in that. Unless you're a fucking tennis player, if I were a tennis player, I would want cute tennis outfits. But if it's just me in here doing my stupid Jillian Michaels workout, I don't know. What's this my thing? Look, how the fuck did me go into getting some shit for going to a barbecue slash some new workout clothes, go to me wanting to buy a cute tennis outfit? I didn't realize that this was supposed to be an outfit that transitioned you from the gym. It was not an outfit. It's not an outfit. I didn't realize that was what I brought you in here to try to save face because I said make it work. And now you just, I'm just further into the muck bite. All right, that's it people.

I had to go to a barbecue and I went to the mall and I bought a cute outfit. You did buy a cute outfit. You looked really nice yesterday. Yes, I did. I look respectable, although I did the classic old guy thing where I had the brand new sneakers and the older socks. You know, what's funny is that when you were putting them on for half a second, I wanted to suggest that you wear socks that were a little bit lower so that you wouldn't see so much of the sock. They were ankle level. I know, but you could have gotten them like a little bit lower. So I don't know and have that little ball in the back of them. When did those become guy socks? Those Chris Everett Lloyds back, but they're just the low socks. You see more of the sneaker and not so much of the sock. I got to

be honest with you and ask, I don't know, have people write in about this. I feel like when you wear shorts, sneakers and socks, if there's too much sock showing, it gets a little, I don't know, dorky. Jesus, you know, this is classy. So you basically, I'm the guy you love and you let me walk around this barbecue yesterday looking like a douche. Is this your own way to keep the women's away from me? Is that what you were doing? He didn't look like a douche. You looked really good. And B, anytime, well, I don't know if we should get into this, but why? Why not? What are we going to have an argument on here? Do you think these people give a shit about us? We're trying to fill up an hour of their day. I think they're at work right now. You know, mad they are that they have

to work July 5th and the company across the street has a cool boss and they're actually closed. What is the problem? No, I just, you know, if I were to make a suggestion like that, you'd be like, dude, what the fuck? I'm supposed to wear, was that what I sound like to you? Well, I remember making a suggestion yesterday and that didn't work out too good either. That's why I didn't want to bring it out. Oh, you don't want to talk about that? No, I don't. You don't want to talk about the fact that I said your dress was a little linty? No. Your dress was a little linty. Yes. And we came and then, and then what happened? Then I came home and I changed. And this is the hardest, like, help guys out here. Yeah, but you know what the hardest fucking thing is when is when

he's standing up now, I'm standing up now because I want to make a point here is it had nothing to do with you. I was just, I was, you know, I was like, you know, the dress, you just dress a bit worn just a little bit too long. It's just one of those ones you throw over. Look at me. I'm already getting nervous trying to explain to you. I said, I'll buy you another one. And then the next thing you know, it was just like a fucking, there was, there was the meltdown at the mall. I was upset and it was the meltdown in the mall. I started crying in the mall on the birthday of our country. I don't give a shit about the birthday of this country. Wow. I don't. Sorry, everyone. Wow. I'm African American. There's still a little annoyance there. So I'm not exactly. Yeah,

America's freedom. Fuck you. You had to take it all the way to there. I'm allowed to be still annoyed. Anyway, wait a minute. This isn't about that. Oh my god. Do you realize the emails we're going to, they're going to get, well, why don't you go the fuck back to fucking Africa? They should say it. Go ahead. Let them get it all out there. I know. There you go, Mel Gibson. Get it all out there. Yeah, let's not mince words here. Jesus Christ. You know, I try to keep it light and you just went Fox news on me. You just went Fox news on me or whatever. No, actually, no, the ultra liberal. That's going to come back to haunt me. Yeah. If I become a successful actress that this is going to be played on some sort of website.

Nia Renee hates this country. That's not what I'm saying. But anyway, what are you saying? I'm just saying that, you know, wait a second. When people celebrate 4th of July, are they really like eating their barbecue and drinking their beer thinking about this country and our forefathers and would it really? No, they're not. They're just like, Hey, I don't have work tomorrow and I get to get drunk. Yeah, most of them are. I was, I was just telling people happy 4th of July, like it's Christmas. No one cares. I don't think your popularity, Nia, was through the roof on this podcast. Yeah. And now, you know, what's funny was I was listeners on a journey up and down. I know what's in a roller coaster. That's what that's exactly what Mel Gibson just said. I just

watched that thing and he just said that he just he just said that shit. No, where the where this this fucking passive aggressive douchebag was sitting there going was came on acting like he wanted to talk about his movie, but he really just wanted to sort of steer it back around to that time he what he went off. So and then he was he was going like he goes, Well, you know what, when I saw your movie, I just felt like I was visiting an old friend that we were on some familiar ground. He was basically saying like, Yeah, I've seen this fucking movie before, but he was doing it in this sing songy fucking voice. Oh, that's very jerkish. Yeah. So he starts with that. Then he asked, then he asked about doing stunts. Is it harder to do now that you're

an old fuck was basically the subtext. And then in the end, he goes, How do you think America's going to receive you? So then Mel had to play it off like he didn't know what he was talking about. And then he basically brings it around. And then the end Mel calls him an asshole. And at one point when Mel was sitting, he goes, Well, you know, my life has been sort of a roller coaster. He did say that. Sonia, do you want to try to? I didn't mean to. So you do anything like Mel Gibson. All right. Well, look, I'm not going to lie to you, you guys did have a rough couple hundred years there at the beginning of this country started off a little slow for you guys 400. What do you mean 400? It wasn't a couple hundred. It was a couple hundred. It was not. It was. Go

online right now. Yeah. This fucking country is only 230 fucking four years old. It is. Yeah, 1776. That's when he officially became America. That was 400 years. 400. Yeah. It's the 2000s. Right. So that would be the 1600s. You guys came over with those fucking pilgrims and their butter. What do they make? Oh, their oil. What? Who used the pilgrim? It was one of this. Old colony gas. Nobody remembers those guys showing my age. I don't know. They came over with small pox infected blankets and gave them to the Indians. That's all I know. Who did the pilgrims on the Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria? No, no, no, no, no. We didn't do the smallpox thing. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're getting ahead of yourself. We came over and we starved to death.

And then we acted like we were friends with the Indians going, Hey, man, like, how do you, how do you make corn? Sit down and have dinner with us. We'll call it Thanksgiving and then we'll kill you. Why don't you teach us how to make, how to survive out here? Yes. And then once they did that, we would just like, wouldn't it be awesome if we all lived here and they didn't? Hey, Jebedi, why don't you sneeze into these fucking blankets and we'll give it to them? Yeah, we went germ warfare way back in the day. And then we gave them like $48 for the entire Midwest. Louisiana Purchase. No, did we buy that off of France? Yeah. Yeah, bought that off of France, but whatever. So the French were over here murdering the Indians. Where are they?

I don't fucking know. All I know is they got, yeah. I think this podcast is proving that we both don't know shit. Don't know shit. There's a bunch of people judging us right now. Well, it's one of those things like, you know, like that type of shit you learn, and it just really doesn't come up in your everyday life. You know, as I figure out how to get these bankers off my goddamn back, the Louisiana Purchase really doesn't come up. Can you name, can you listen, let's see how dumb we are. Can name as many American wars as you possibly can. Okay. World War I and II. Bang. Go with the easy ones right off the back. Civil war. Yep. The Iraqi war, Operation Freedom, as which called it. The Cold War. Was that an actual war?

Wow. Wow. My girlfriend's an idiot. Wait a minute. I'm not an idiot, but no, I'm not very good at history. All right. I admit it. I'm not, I don't know anything about history. So then what are you trash in the country for? I don't know. Can you just tap out and just say you're sorry. Just say you're sorry. Why should I apologize? Because what are you doing? Do you think it's any better anywhere else, Nia, when you really look around the world? Where are the, where is everybody really holding hands and all getting along? Isn't it everywhere that there's the have and the have? Okay. Let's talk about Sweden. Let's have, let's talk about how you own, they only universal healthcare. They only let good looking people in Stockholm,

Sweden. And the second we got out of there, we took the train out of there. All of a sudden, that's where they kept all the brunettes, all those Muslim looking dudes and that shitty fucking gray communist looking mall we went to. You remember that shit? Well, I mean, isn't it sort of like Manhattan? No, that's not a good example. But maybe in more, you know, international richer cities, you have people who, yes, can afford to get their hair done once a week and have gym memberships and nice clothes and eat at restaurants. Yeah, just like here. Yeah, just like here. I know, but it's the same thing. It's the same thing. All right, it's the same thing. Same thing. You don't think those blondies look down on the brunettes and then the brunettes go

brunettes out of Stockholm, Sweden. Yeah, then where the fuck were they? They were there. Nia, we were both walking down the street in Stockholm going, Jesus Christ. Everyone's beautiful. Yeah, look at that guy. Yeah, I felt like a fucking mongrel. There was hot guys working at H&M, like model guys. Yeah, like like like movie star looking chicks working at like a newspaper stand. Yeah. Yeah. And then remember that we got outside this, Nia, I'm telling you, everywhere you go, you go over to England, they got their Rothschilds, they got their royal fucking family. Yeah, you know, they won't even mingle with those fucking people who work on the tube or whatever the fuck they do, right? And then people in London, they look down on people in

Liverpool and people in Liverpool look down on people in another city, but I only know two cities in England, right? Right. Yeah. So there you go. It's all the same shit. What do you think you're gonna go? You're gonna, you're gonna move to where? You're gonna go to Canada and they're gonna be nicer? Apparently they are very nice in Canada. Toronto? Really? Really? You think so? I don't know. You just threw Toronto out there? Every time anyone brings up Toronto, they have nothing but nice things to say about it. So, but no, I've never been there. So, you know, this was supposed to be a nice cute segment. I didn't think that it was really, it really... What was it supposed to be about? Oh, you and your clothes? We were going to Target.

Next thing you know, you see, yeah. Next thing you know, you were having a reality moment, hissy-fist. I am so not celebrating the birthday of this country. Okay. I am so mad at America right now. I'm not mad at America. This is a great country. Of course it is, but... See? Took you 20 minutes to come back around. It is. I do. I like living here. I don't have a problem. I'm not just like, this fucking country sucks, man. I'm not like... Man. Let me tell you something, man. That's how we talk whenever we talk about hippie, really liberal people. We always, we always end our sentences with man. Yeah. M-Y-A-N. Oh, and if you guys want to see the ultimate hippie, here's a... Yes. Here's a good... Rainbow guy. Yeah. YouTube video of the week. Look up. You sent,

you sent me... Yosemite? Yosemite. Yosemite. Mountain giant double rainbow. This guy... He's a double rainbow. Yeah. You guys have to watch this. What is it made? You have to watch this video. Yeah. This guy, if he's on drugs, he's the coolest guy ever, but if he's sober, he's one of the biggest... He's such a douche. He had to live in the wilderness. He basically sees a full-on double rainbow. Full-on double rainbow. Yeah. What does it mean? And he starts fucking crying. I don't want to read it. I don't ruin it for you. Here's another one. I have... This is an unbelievable week for YouTube videos here. Uh, Jones's good-ass barbecue and foot massage. Look that one up. Jones's

good-ass barbecue and foot massage. You got to see that. And this is one of the creepiest videos I've ever seen. Creepy, weird, hippie yoga teacher slash farmer. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. You got to look at that one. That one's terrifying. And then possibly my favorite I've ever seen. If you guys are wrestling fans, you guys know how I love Ric Flair. And when he got on the mic and started talking about who he was going to fight that weekend, there was nobody better. You got to see this lookup, best wrestling promo ever. Jumping Jeff Farmer. This guy is the worst I have ever seen. And he's so... And there's like four videos, like the mean gene guy is going, jumping Jeff. Last week, that... You know, they actually do the... Jumping Jeff. Last week, you got attacked by so-and-so,

you know, how do you... And he really beat you down. And then you're supposed to jump in. Well, let me tell you something. Coming this Saturday at the Royal Rumble. But he doesn't. He just goes, you know, and he really beat you down. And the guy just goes, yep. And then there's this long, awkward pause. Well, he turned the tables on me in a way that I didn't appreciate. You just got to see it. There's like four of them. And then there's another person who actually... What is this one? Fat nerd. Wow. Gangster. Threatens. X. That's all one video. And then it says Gildies, whatever that is. G-U-I-L-D-I-E-S. I don't know if they spelled it wrong or if that's a video game. It's basically some really fat woman who got kicked off playing video games. And she's

really pissed off about it. And she starts showing some of the moves she learned in jujitsu. Block strike. It's really bad. Just check all of those out. But it's almost getting to the point where I have to wrap up the podcast. So, Nia, you fucking pinko commie. Thanks for coming on the podcast and spewing your fucking hatred. I'm not a commie. I love this country. There's just certain things that... It's like a love, not love hate. I know. You got the love hate thing. Which I'll never be able to appreciate as a white guy because my life is awesome in this country. It's so perfect. It's great. You can have anything you want. It's tremendous. I get a USA today and a bag of cash every day from the government. You're a white male. Age is 18 to 45. Oh, it's perfect. It's exactly.

Bankers don't fuck me over. Everything that you need it to be. It's tremendous. No, you love living in this country. You love the fact that you can make something out of yourself. You can really come from nothing. And that's the thing. Immigrants come out of this country. You're really trying to save it right now, aren't you? No, no, I'm not. But I'm impressed by people who come to this country who don't speak a word of English and then they can somehow rise up amongst the ranks and have great... Like Caesar Milan, the dog whisperer. Yeah. Look at him. Look at him. Yeah. See, he did it. He came into this country illegally, right? Then he swam across the river with like 12 dogs tied to his back. Isn't that how he came in? I think he did come illegally, but he has since become legal.

So he's become... Yeah. So there you go. He has to. I mean, like how much money he's making. Tyler Perry, Jumpin' Jeff Farmer, Billy Carter. Our immigrants. Huh? Well, yeah. Oh, immigrants. All right. That fucking English-speaking lady on so you think you can dance? Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Look at him. California. In California. He's pretty impressive. Yeah. I do love this country, but there's some things that bother me about it. Like everyone else. Everyone else has various issues with this country too. Maybe I'm not supposed to talk about it because it's the Fourth of July. No, you're not. It's one of those things. I know what you're saying. Look, you guys,

you know... Thank you. You know, you go down to the corner store next to, you know, 12 cops are pulling you out of your car, you know, beating the crap out of you. I get it. Sure. Yeah. That doesn't happen to me. I get annoyed. This is how spoiled I am as a white guy. I get annoyed at airport security when they want me to go through the little misty thing. Are you a terrorist? I get so fucking mad. And I remember in that moment going like, why? I can't imagine how those Mexican dudes in Arizona are feeling right now. Right? Getting pulled over every five seconds. Yeah. I'm sure they're not excited about Fourth of July this weekend. Well, what are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to do? You know what, I don't understand... It's not racial profile.

I don't know. You know what? I think once the sun goes down and you're outside, everybody racially profiles. You do. You have to think the worst of people so you can get to your car in the parking lot. Okay? Yeah. If I see a black dude or a Latino dude, they're in a gang. If I see a white guy, he's a serial killer or a pedophile. Right. If I see a woman, she's a whore. She's a street walker. Not interested lady. What about children? If I see children, they're children of the corn. Yeah. They just came out of the milk weeds. Yeah. You have to racially profile at night. And I think the bigger pussy you are slash the more vulnerable you are, like someone like me, never took any martial arts training. I just, you know, I got like about 700 fights under my belt

all within my, just with my brothers. Right. You know? So those don't count. They have to stop at a certain point because they have to answer to your dad. But like, I go out in the parking lot, you know, if I ever fought off of them... You feel vulnerable out there in the world? Not as much as you. That's the point I was going to make. Like a woman feels more vulnerable. Right. Yeah. Like, I don't walk around worried about getting raped. The only time I have to worry about that is if I go to prison. You know? Yeah. Knock on wood. So at what time do you start racially profiling? When the sun goes down. So during the winter, during the winter, it starts earlier, like around five... I was going to say, it's awfully early to start racially profiling. 435. No, you know what

it is? This is when the second shift comes in, if you know what I mean. When the second shift comes in, that's when I start racially profiling. The beginning of the day, people get up at eight in the morning, no matter what color you are, you get up at eight in the morning, you're a good person. All right. You work to the end of the day. Generally speaking, you're a good person. You get up at eight in the morning, you're a good person. Yeah, you're a good person. Unless you're that serial killer who just goes to work every day and like, yeah, but I'm just saying, generally speaking, or a fucking piece of shit on Wall Street or a banker. Look it. There's a lot of flaws in my theory. All right, but I'm talking about just worrying about physical violence.

If you get up eight in the morning, it's very hard to get your ass kicked between eight in the morning and five in the afternoon is what I'm saying. Unless you're a kid on the schoolyard. There you go. But other than that, as an adult. There you go. But once the sun starts going down and the second shift comes out, that's when all of a sudden the fucking 28 days people come up from the manholes, drug dealers come out, the fiends come out, depending on where you're at. That's when yes, that's right. That's right. The fucking stalkers, the guys with the date rape drug, who honestly puts the date rape drug in somebody's morning coffee? You don't do it. When was the last time somebody got raped when the sun was up? When the sun was up?

I'm sure people get raped when the sun is up. No, if you get raped when the sun is up, you're asking for it. Oh my God. Well, I have to top your, I don't like this country thing. I'm trying to bring some of the hate onto me. Okay, good. Yeah, so I'll admit that to you. I racially profile at night, but if there's a bigger group of people around and I feel safer than the racial, racial profile, profiling goes down. But seriously, if I, if I, you know, if you're a white guy with a shaved head during the day, you have cancer at night, you're part of, you're part of a fucking Aryan group. Yeah, I think I, I would be nervous if I was coming out of somewhere or, and there was a whole

gang of white guys that were like, look like they were in a frat and they're being loud and rowdy. That would make me really nervous if I was walking. And they were chanting rape is right. Rape is right. No, if they're like, dude, yanker bomber or some shit like that. And they're all, you know, slapping each other on the back with their Letterman jackets. That would make me very nervous to see because, because you saw the accused, right? I mean, what are you basing this on? I don't know. I don't like those. I don't like jocky kind of frat guys anyway. They creep me out. This is awesome. This is such a great podcast. Okay. See, everybody, yeah, see, that's the thing. Everybody does it, which gets me back to

this. Everybody does that shit. And then when somebody, and yeah, and then when somebody steps out of line, everybody gets to act like they don't think anything fucked up. And I'm not saying, you know, that I, uh, that there's, there's something right about like, look, there's gray areas where you have to think the worst of people so you can get to your fucking car, unlock it, get in the shit. Yeah. I got freaked out. The other night when I got in my car, I just immediately felt like there was someone in the back seat, like one of those horror movies. And then I was also nervous because I had been singing with the radio. It's like, great, this person's gonna kill me and they think I'm a nerd.

Probably makes you easier to kill. Yes. Someone's gonna miss this guy with this singing, especially with the bucket seats. It's so easy to reach around and just stab you in the fucking chest. We're back in the day. You're gonna scare me now. We share the same car. You're gonna scare me now. Okay. Well, I won't, I won't say that there. Oh, by the way, by the way, everybody, I've made the decision. Um, yeah. And basically by you guys, you know, too, like, listen, we, we, we both exposed a lot of, uh, ugly parts about ourselves. So before you guys fire up any fucking emails, trash in my girlfriend or me or whatever, look in the fucking mirror. Okay. Go, go, look, go look at your cookies before you delete them on the internet. Look at the last fucking 17 websites

you went to. So let's, let me ask you that. How about that? That's a great podcast segment. Let me hear, and I want to hear from everybody, men, women, black, white, Latino, Asian. I want to hear you guys, I want to hear like some of the times when, uh, you know, you've, you've done your own little racially profiling or you looked, or people who aren't white, how you think, how you look at some white people. Cause I think that's really interesting. Like you don't hear that. Like it's always white people on TV who have to like confess and apologize behind the podium, like my old bit go and like, you know, they had that rap music. It was loud. I got nervous. I didn't realize that they were the swim team and they were just trying to get amped up.

Didn't you see them in the, in their little speedos? I don't know. The music just blurred everything out, you know? So I want to hear from, I want to hear, basically, I want to hear from fucking everybody, but basically times when, when you've, uh, you've thought shit like that, um, or whatever, I don't know, just so we can get something positive out of this, because so many times somebody makes a comment like that. Like you made that kind of give a shit about the country's birthday and then immediately that's, that's the sound bite they take and then it becomes all it. Then you actually get into, oh yeah, yeah. Cause your uncle got, you know, got the shit kicked out of him because, uh, he, his muffler was dragging as he drove himself to church and the cops felt

that they needed backup. Exactly. Yeah. So, um, all right. Yeah. Okay. So let's, uh, what was that? I just lost my entire train of thought. You were saying you want people to write in all different ethnicity, but I was going on, I was going on. There was one other fucking thing that happened yesterday. You said, I've decided to, you got to speak into the mic. Oh, you said, I've decided to, I get nothing. Was this about the car? Oh yes. No. The car, the car I want to get. No. Yeah. This is it. Okay. My girlfriend's beyond fucking cool. Right. Sorry. That was, that was a little, little pork coming up there. I was like, you know, you get like that air bubble just comes up. My girlfriend's beyond cool. Um, I'm going to get, I'm going to get that dodge

challenger. I'm going to get it. And I actually, I was looking at the one down there with the fucking stick shift. I don't know when I'm getting it, but I'm getting that car. I don't get a fuck if I got to get a used one, but, and I think it's hilarious because the stick shift one, you actually have to pay a gas guzzler tax 1300 bucks out here because it only sticks. That's even better. So I keep the fucking passenger seat looking cute. All right. Missy. So anyways, I think it's funny. Like it says it gets 14 miles city, which means if you actually drive it like a fucking any sort of a man, you're only getting like nine. Yeah. And how much is that going to cost you to fill that? Don't fucking kill my fun. All right. No, that's going to be the car.

We'll drive the Prius around like a couple of queers, right? We'll do that. I love that car. And then it's a, the car's the shit. It's a great car. It's like a great girlfriend. She's a cheap date. She doesn't want anything. And then that'll be the horror that I bring out every Sunday. The garage comes up. Okay. That's what I want to do. Make the tires squeal. Capture the last drop of youth I've had. I know that, you know, cause I actually, I looked at a bunch of cars. I looked at like those used BMWs. I can't believe it's that someone already farted in this car seat. You know, they try to like they're brand new. And I just think everything looks like a fucking Mercedes or a BMW. And that Dodge Challenger, despite the fact

that the Camaros out there and the Mustang, it still is one of the most unique looking badass cars out on the road. And I know it's American, which means it can go fucking in a straight line. It's the shit. But if you take a turn, unlike those, yeah, unlike those German cars, it's a little excitement with it. You know? Yeah. No, you don't give a fuck. You don't want, my girl doesn't want me to get the car. It's so much money. Yeah. No, I get it. I get it. Well, that's why, you know, that's why you're cool. Cause any of it. Yeah. Oh my God. Get that. And I'm going to sit there. But whenever you want a new guitar, I say, go get it. You earn the money to spend on it. So go get yourself a new guitar. Thank you. And I like that you give, yes, you're

very supportive about giving me the green light to spend my money on myself. That's a great thing. You know what? This is the long she's been on the podcast. And yeah, I gotta tell you, you bring a lot to the podcast. Okay. You bring, you bring jokes, you bring a bubbly attitude, you bring a little controversy, you bring a little controversy. I was really surprised. I was really surprised. But you know, should I not have said that? No, you should have because there's no way anybody shut it off after that. There's no way anybody shut it off after that. And I think generally speaking, we'll get good emails, but there will be a bunch of fucking douchey ones. I would like to point out that back in the day,

I really wanted to get one of those flag bikinis because I thought they were awesome. I thought they were so like hot and sexy and whatever. But then there you go. You really look like a trashy, especially if you wear it in a different country. If you buy one of those, Nia, I will learn to ride a fucking motorcycle just so you could be on the back with your booty crack peeking out, peeking out of the flag. Yeah. I saw that there's no way for a woman to ride on the back of a motorcycle without her fucking underwear hanging out. I saw this skinny girl was on the back of a bike yesterday and her entire like, you know, the thong where you have like, it's not, it's not a G string. It's a thong. So you have that slice of pie bit of fabric.

Yeah. So it's hanging out the top of it. Yeah. It was where, where the, the tramp stamp tattoo should have been by the time she leaned forward. Yeah. That was great. It was America. Speaking of which, I saw a girl, a couple, well, I saw her at this, this last pool party I went to, and she's a great girl, but she has a, a maid in the USA tattoo in the tramp stamp area. Wow. It's, God bless her. Awful. She's a great girl. And I said, Oh, so are you, you know, in the, the, the armed forces or something? No, but I'll fuck the whole base. Oh, she was just like, I just love this country. When you put the microphone, there you go. I love, I love what this country stands for. And I'm really proud to be an American. And I said,

all right, you, you let her get away with that. I mean, what was I going to say? Okay. I respect that. You know, what were you going to say? Cause I thought, no, I'm just really patriotic. Yeah. No, you're, you're right. I just kind of accepted it. She said, she, I asked her, she gave me an answer and moved on. And now I'm exposing her on the podcast. Sorry. You were talking about how like, you know, cause I'm always looking at cars, right? On the internet and all that type of shit. And he was saying, why do they always have like the women draped over them and all that? Cause the whole thing, it's that guy visual thing. You know what I mean? Like when I, when I look at the, I'm not glad to you. Like when I was looking at that challenger, I actually got,

I got a little aroused and I'm not even, I'm not even joking. Are you kidding? No, I'm serious. Remember how you wanted to get off the lot, but I was sort of lingering with one of my hands in my pocket. I had filled up a little bit. You're disgusting. Whatever. But I'm saying like, she is tapped into that with that made in the USA thing. Oh, like guys will be into that. That whole sort of like fucking, I got a bear. I got a fucking car and this is my fucking woman. Fourth of July, you got a sparkler. She's blowing you. She's actually a lesbian. Is she good looking lesbian? That's where I draw the line. Oh, there you go. Okay. Yeah. I have no tolerance for not good looking lesbians. I'm really a snob, but it comes to

tolerate a lot of lesbians. I like, oh, now you just dug the hole again. Well, no, because much like there's ugly straight people, there's ugly lesbians. So what are you saying? I like good looking lesbians. And I like them. Of course you do, because you're a straight man that has a fantasy of being with like a couple of, I don't know, I'll just jerk off in the corner like a gentleman. I would rather you admit to wanting to have a threesome with lesbians than say you're just, I want to be a creep. I want to wear a raincoat. I'm in my creepy years. I'm 42. Dark socks pulled up to the knees, wingtip sneakers, shoes. I mean, no, I don't, I don't have like any, I don't have any, I have zero tolerance. Be attractive as a

lesbian. Step up your game. I have had it with mediocre looking lesbians. If there is one group of people in this country that I think needs to get out, they're talking about these illegal immigrants. As long as you're good looking, you can come into this fucking country. I am equal of kick ugly people. Yeah, but I get to stay for some reason. Well, you're not ugly. You're very attractive. Okay, please. What? Please. How hard did you laugh the other day when you, you, you would put those little fashion fucking slits in your, in your jeans? And I was joking that I was going to do it my jeans. I said, what would you do if I did that in my jeans, exposing my creamy thighs? How hard did you laugh? I'm a fucking mutiny. I'm one step

away from being a fucking albino. All right. We're like, we're like an hour, two minutes in here. The very controversial Nia Renee Hill, everybody. Look at that. Took up like an hour of your day. Happy fourth, everybody. And I'm sorry if you had to work today. I hope this podcast made it a little more enjoyable. Hey, can I get a God bless the troops or something from you? Absolutely. God bless the troops. 100%. There you go. There you go. You should go perform for them. They're doing a lot. So you want me to go do that gig in the front lines? I'm going to fucking do it. I think you should. I'm doing that and I'm getting the fucking challenger. I think they don't get nearly as a pre, I mean, everyone says they appreciate the troops, but I don't know that

they get a lot of love, especially from people who are anti this war, but they're doing a lot of shit that most people wouldn't do. So I commend them. Which goes back to my way braver than any of us. That bit that I was doing when they were saying being a mother is the toughest job on the planet. Really? Go fight a fucking war, lady. Put your apron on and go make a pie. All right. It's America's birthday. It's America's birthday. All right. Thanks for listening, everybody. Talk to you next week.