Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-11-22

Episode Date: August 12, 2022

Bill rambles about the news, the squeegees being back, and population numbers.

with a trip to Sarila's where romance finds fantasy while flowers are blooming outside. Bring them inside with a hugely popular rose toy from NS novelties described as small but mighty. The rose is 25% off this month at Sarila's along with all in a novelties afterwards slip into something as sexy as you're feeling with a huge selection of lingerie in petite to plus size shop Sarila's in Indianapolis with six area locations and in Anderson or shop online anytime at Sarila's dot com. Hey what's going on it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before

Friday Monday morning podcast and I am just checking in on you. It is it's Friday hey man what kind of fucking example are you setting for a work ethic if you're doing your Thursday podcast on a Friday man. My apologies I had a crazy couple of days I did quite arguably I think my favorite show or venue I've ever done I was out and keep forgetting what the because they both begin with F I was in Forest Hills Queens at the original tennis club I thought I was the one Arthur rash you know where they had the U.S. open since I've been watching but this was the original one that like they had the U.S. open there until 1977 which means it was probably

the Jimmy Connors John McEnroe Chris Everett before she was Chris Everett Lloyd you know all of that type of stuff I don't know but it was built like the 1920s or something like the outside the whole outside of it was like made out of stone it reminded me when I went to the Yale Bowl or Harvard Stadium it's just sort of that era of stadiums was incredible and they had these amazing pictures of the Beatles landing there this is on one of their earlier tours before they played Shea Stadium they did a gig there they landed in this fucking giant awkward looking helicopter and they had a picture of Jimi Hendrix there on stage but it was just fucking magical place there was a whole bunch of people there but it felt

like I was in front of I just felt like I was in like a comedy club and I Keith Robinson went on first and absolutely murdered I had Josh Adam Myers introduced been playing the the trailer for the movie I'm working on old dads that did great and I came out at like it was basically dusk and while I was up there the sun went all the way down and I don't know I'm trying to think of it was just out of all the crazy places I performed in New York City I think that that's it I'm not even think it is it's my favorite venue so thank you to everybody that came out there it was it was awesome and it gave me a big boost of confidence for the Fenway gig I have to do when I go up to Boston I'm hanging out

here in New York for a couple more days and then I don't know work my way up to fucking Boston and do that crazy show and yeah that's what I got going on man other than that I've been trying to hit the fucking ellipticals you know and other than that I don't know what to tell you I tried to keep up with what's going on with old old Donnie boy the feds are breaking into your apartment I picked up a New York post because I always like that I always like their their sports page better than the Daily News and the front they were you know fucking hilarious this guy's going like you know if Donald Trump runs again he's gonna be president and blah blah blah which I don't really argue that but it's just like

the guy sounded excited by it just like I honestly I have to say since Bill Clinton I think this is this is a guy I've this very rare human beings out there that just can repeatedly fuck up and be complete scumbags and people just don't seem to see it Bill Clinton was one Donald Trump is another I just don't fucking understand I just wish we could somehow get out of this vortex of fucking morons on both sides like I don't know I don't know at least Bill Clinton could give his speech but he just the shit that the guy was doing he was just you know I don't know I don't know but like Trump doesn't even sound smart that's what I gotta give the nod to him as far as being able to fucking snow people you know I guess he said a long time ago he said only only criminals

plead the fifth or something like that and then they get him there and he fucking pled the fifth like 90 times and I'll tell you this none of it's gonna land none of it will land with his supporters because no one on the news channel they watch will bring it up the same way I listen to people that supported Obama who watched CNN and they didn't know half the fucking shit he was doing it's really they gotta shut down those two news networks they're keeping they just won't they just tow the fucking company line for a political party it's not fucking news I know I've been saying this for fucking ever but it just blows my mind in fact after my show I had made fun of both of them and I met somebody this firefighter guy and I said something made so he goes oh you mean CNN I go

no I mean both of them may just sort of stared at me I go you're not one of those people who just watches one of those newsnet networks are you and he's like not all the politicians lie I'm like yes you are you fucking I get it you know what you know what CNN and Fox News are they're easy listening for people on either side you know what I mean they just kind of say how you see the world I guess oh is that what it is Bill did you fucking break down the news networks you have fucking non-reading cunt I actually I had a really fucking good time the night before my sets my set out in Queens where I went up I did a set at the stand and then I went over I did a set at the cellar and it's I don't know I've been having like this this thing where I'm especially in

New York is New York they definitely get like quiet and I'm sitting there going like alright so what's going on I've been blaming them for a while that they're all fucking doing that that stupid white woke thing which is basically you're still not helping out anybody who isn't white but you're just sort of groaning shit and that makes you an ally and somehow makes people who weren't white lives better I don't know I don't really understand what it is but it's it's you know it's the typical sort of white liberal thing like I didn't really do anything but I still think I'm amazing and I'm fixing the problem right I have a friend from Honduras that means I'm a good person so I was up there and it wasn't going well I mean granted I was doing this bit on domestic violence but the

level with which that they pulled back or anything I kind of had to admit like dude you just you're just the old comic now it's kind of what it was I remember when I was in my 20s and a comic in his 50s went on stage and he didn't eat we wouldn't do well that down in my 50s now but it was but what's amazing is it's like inverted like when I was in my 20s the 50 year old guy was like a corn ball and now and the younger people were just like and they weren't laughing because what he was saying was corny now it's gone the other way where I feel like they're not laughing because I'm coming off like a monster but it's still the same thing it's still the come on grandpa you know but it's it's just kind of like a different fucking vibe when I'm up there so I just and I was talking to other

older comics about it and they were like no these kids today and I'm like no dude no that's we're old we're old when we were younger we looked at people our age and they weren't funny or they would we couldn't relate to them we're fucking 30 years older than they are you know or whatever so that was kind of a fun thing but I was able to work out some jokes and I was telling some stories about growing up in Boston and stuff trying to kind of get those things up on their feet because I'd like to do a few uh Boston stories when I do Fenway is that the lovely Nini no anyways at some point my wife has to walk in on this podcast and she hasn't been on the podcast I feel like in a year then when I go on the road that's what

everybody says to me like I miss Nia being on the podcast I can't listen to you fucking dumb voice anymore um I'm assuming that was my mother-in-law that just answered me or a very confident cleaning woman because I was like Nini is that you when I just hear no it is you it is you because I was like that didn't sound like your mom and I was like is that a very confident cleaning lady Nia they miss you on the podcast I know I haven't been in so long I miss you guys too I gotta tell you something what are we talking about I don't know we should talk about we gotta talk about how fucking hot you're looking oh my goodness Nia has been a goddamn gym rat uh huh you've been killing it yeah I've been trying trying you're doing more than trying you look great look at

you're walking around here looking good walking around and boasting my ego Nia I went to New York and I realized that I am an old comedian oh is that what it took for you going to New York because I gotta tell you that baby why why'd be that mean this early in the morning no they weren't oh look who it is oh my goodness hey buddy hi the way in here hey I thought I had the door closed you didn't can you say hi daddy can you say hi daddy he doesn't care um see I just don't connect with young people anymore I'm old all right I gotta I gotta do the rest of this and I won't I'm gonna be saying the bad words hi hi how are you you're doing good yeah yeah all right well I gotta do my

podcast all right say bye bye okay I'll see you later I tell you it's funny we're staying in this hotel here in uh New York right and uh I don't realize how you know once again I just realize how loud my kids are and I am like really lenient just over correcting for the childhood I had and I've realized I need to have I gotta get a little more respect out here on the ice because people are just taking liberties yeah my kids just look at me I'm like hey hey hey hey hey and they just kind of keep doing it they just laugh because they think I'm fucking around because I I don't know I just try to make them laugh and I've realized that I can't do that every time because then when I actually want them to behave they're just looking at me like oh this is a bit he's

screwing around again and whatever he tells me to do I do the opposite then he chases me and then I get to laugh and blah blah blah blah blah so whatever I'll I'll you know I just don't like yelling at him but I swear to god sometimes a kid doesn't hear you until you just yell hey you know what I'm talking about is how my kids don't respect me when I tell them this did you notice that last night when I was telling them to stop they just kept going yeah but you know I jumped in there I was like I know I'm like the good cop you're the big yeah you're the you're the bad cop I'm definitely the you're not the bad cop you're the cop that's respected I'm the rookie all right I'll see you guys anyway I don't I'd rather be a pushover than be that fucking dad everybody's afraid of

I don't know I'll figure it out so anyway oh I didn't get back to the to do in the show yeah so I worked with Keith Robinson which I haven't done a road gig with him and fucking forever he came out and absolutely destroyed and you know it kind of gave me confidence that all right this is a great crowd this is going to be a good time and but just like the history there is incredible and they have this thing where they got this little garden thing in the back and whoever performs there before you whatever artist was there leaves something in the garden for the next act and they make like a video and then you have to do it for the the next act after that and the guy who played it before me was LL Cool J which was fucking wild so he left something

something for me it was actually kind of funny so I mean I'm literally in Queens and I'm playing a place that LL Cool J just played it was just fucking the whole night and I'm looking on the wall and seeing a picture of Jimi Hendrix playing there it was fucking it was amazing and I had a bunch of friends that all came out so many people throughout the other thing too I was just thinking like God look at all the fucking great people I've met throughout the years in this business they're all great people they're all happy for me we all had a great hang afterward um and then I went into the city the only thing that was missing from the city was was a cigar at the end of the night but it was just it was uh I don't know it was just too friggin hot out

but fortunately the heat wave broke before I you know the day before it was like a hundred degrees in this the night I did it was only like sort of in like the 80s which seemed like like the air conditioning was on after the fucking 100 degree day but I will tell you one thing that kind of sucks is New York is it's I hope it doesn't go too far the other way it definitely is getting its vibe back again meaning you can get fucked up and you gotta gotta watch it you know like I had a nice watch on and I said to the guy down the stand I go yeah I'm going to walk over to the cellar am I all right with this watch out there and he's like uh you know I mean you should be all right I'm like all right it's going in my pocket and then he was telling me you know kind of

like from the flat iron building up that's what you gotta watch out for it's it's like yeah that's where the pray is that's all the touristy areas that people are checking out you know and looking at their phones and not paying attention so uh I also noticed you know as we came out of the Lincoln tunnel the squeegee guys are back like I haven't seen the squeegee guys since the fucking 1990s and that was the old hustle where you'd come out you'd stop at a red light and they would just walk up and start washing your windshield whether you wanted it or not and then if you didn't give them any money they had some pieces something a piece you know a key or piece of metal and as you drove away they just would put it against your car and scratch your car uh really you know

sort of like higher level capitalism you know kind of like I mean they're operating on the same level of like you know Monsanto or like banks you know like when Monsanto's like you know we own all the seeds if our seeds blow onto your property and land we're gonna sue you for using our seeds um they actually got away with doing that suing mom and pop fucking farms and nothing happened to them absolutely nothing fucking happened to them and way more comedians got in trouble for telling jokes than than those guys taking people's farms away and taking control of the food supply owning the seeds and turning genetically modifying our food supply and turning so much of our food supply into actual fucking poison nothing what happened to them nothing I

think you can actually if you say that like on tv you can get sued by them like there's something if you actually say what they're doing they can sue you but for some reason they're not a problem um but anyway I'm back here east coast I went to an oyster bar last night oh my god I went to a fucking oyster bar and it's the first time in a while that I wish I was drinking because they had Sam Adams summer ale on tap I was just like oh my god an ice cold fucking summer ale with a half a with a half a dozen oysters oh it's fucking delicious and I had a little bit of cowmari I'm having a cowmari what you have it um it's kind of like the perfect uh little summertime meal it's funny I never get oysters during the winter I was just to me that's always like a summertime

thing you know I think that goes back to being uh just like growing up in massachusetts well I never used to eat oysters when I was a kid but like I don't know we would always seem to end up you know going down the cape or something in the summer and you always get fish or some shit like that so anyway um thank you to everybody that came out to that show in Queens thank you to the crew that worked there that told me about the place um I mean you should have seen the uh I had like no idea this place even existed I just thought the whole time the US Open was played where they play it now and um and flushing right is that flushing and but I had no idea that they played it in Forest Hills first and that there's the whole Forest Hills like tennis club you should

have seen that that building I mean it was just incredible I wanted to take a tour of that and had this really cool like old school just look about it slash almost reminded me of the hotel that was in The Shining which by the way is a gorgeous hotel it's just that Jack Nicholson goes in there and loses his fucking mind if you can just get past the movie it's a beautiful hotel and this seemed to be like the same era of architecture and I really really thought it was fucking gorgeous um so I don't know who knows if I ever get to play there again I think I'm gonna come in a day early and maybe take a tour of the tennis club and take a look a little bit more of the venue but um I can't even describe you what it was like to be on that stage with like

it was dust so the sun was already over the horizon but all the colors were up in the sky it was fucking unbelievable um and then it was kind of funny with all of that beauty I was up there doing shit jokes so all right let me get to the advertising here the advertising all right we what do we got here who do we got here oh it's simply safe everybody you know here's a question is there anything that matters more than the safety of you and your loved ones of course not well what about the safety of everybody man so isn't it strange that many home security companies don't act that way this is why I use and trust simply safe home security the advanced security technology helps me sleep at night and they always put me and my family safety first

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population was going to nosedive and that we were all going to go extinct rather than it being some big nuclear war he thought we were just going to go extinct because everyone was going to stop having babies and i got to be honest with you that had to have been one of the dumbest things i've ever heard in my life you know he goes like that's we're just going to go out with like a whimper it's like you don't think when people notice that we're becoming extinct that people won't then have babies maybe did you ever think why they're not having babies maybe they're not having babies because they don't want to bring them into this fucked up world if the population went down significantly and we could reverse what the fuck we're doing to the planet maybe

more people would feel like there's a reason to bring a life into the world i don't think that everyone's just going to sit around going well no one's having babies looks like we're all going to go extinct i have a new theory okay smart people who go on podcasts are not that smart all right they're campaigning to be smart that Neil deGrasse Tyson i mean when is he when is he looking through a fucking microscope every time you see the guy he's fucking on a podcast i'm on a podcast i went to summer school i'm a moron right and then somebody else oh look at me i'm gonna make a fucking i'm gonna make a fucking spaceship that goes to mars you're gonna do it you're gonna sit down and do it or do you have the ability to organize and delegate it

where the really smart people that are making it don't have time to go on a fucking podcast all of these fucking doctors and shit going on podcast shouldn't they be like what hey some comedian wants you to go on his podcast i i'm too busy cure and cancer are trying to i don't have time to go on and fucking try to explain what i'm doing to somebody with a fucking high school education i don't know but i'm dumb maybe like that's what it is i don't think like doctors who are on tv are that good at their job i don't think fucking therapists that host their own fucking talk show i don't think they really give a shit about the mental health of other people i just don't

i don't think they do it's just something about it where it's just like shouldn't you be like going out there like i'm not saying all of it like i think chefs that are on tv are good at what they do i'm not saying that they're the best you know i mean i'm in this business i know how that works just because you're on tv doesn't mean you're the best at what you do maybe you're the best at the business or maybe you caught a break or maybe you know somebody but um that whole fucking theory that like people are just going to stop having babies and like that's why we're going to go to extinct it's got to be the dumbest thing i've ever heard in my life because if that was actually the case then there really wouldn't be an abortion debate because there'd be no fucking babies to abort

right um now listen i know i don't have a shiny face of my own car company but i'm just gonna say i don't think that that's the smartest theory out there oh my god shots fired all right i'm not even upset with the lawn musk i'm just upset with other mouth breathing morons like myself that we never question people like that well you just kind of sit there going like or at least i don't i just go well that guy's really successful he must know things and then every once in a while like well if he's really that successful what the fuck is he doing talking to people like me oh who gives a shit um anyway so i'm gonna go up to boston uh spend like a week out up there and uh before my gig at fenway and i'm gonna try to one night sneak out to fenway to go see

me red socks oh what about the fucking patriots i actually watched uh they had a preseason game against the giants huh preseason football what would you do um we looked all right man we had some nice plays on defense and all that you know it's preseason i didn't fucking watch the whole thing but i thought we looked uh we looked pretty solid it wasn't like an ugly game and uh i thought on both sides uh you know i thought the giants had some good looking players and all of that so we shall see very excited very fucking excited the first goddamn preseason football game here we go it's going down again and uh i'm gonna be on the other side of my big gigs and um i'll be on like when when football season starts the fenway gig will be behind me

and the movie will be blocked and uh i'll tell you right now i have one plan and one plan only for the fall well actually two plans i'm going to just be home spending time with my family and i am watching football i'm gonna watch the most fucking football i've watched since i didn't study in high school when i was a kid and i remember i would be watching football and my dad would come in to motivate me to study he would just come in and he would walk in the room and he would just scream at this top of his lungs he'd go starting then i'd have to shut up the tv and go well you know this was pre-opera and dr filsoed like that was what parenting was back then it was because of that shit that now i have so over corrected that like now my kids my kids treat me like you

know those you know those those young kids when they have like one of those fucking superfast motorcycles and a cop turns on his siren and they just sort of turn around and give him the finger and then take off and make a fucking youtube video yeah my kids kind of have that element so i got to get i got to uh i got to make a couple arrests um but uh i'm a big i'm a big fucking softy so um i am and i kind of sometimes defer to my wife because i know that they'll listen to her and i'm just sort of like i got to undo this i've sort of painted myself as the third child you know this big bald bearded child that never moved out so i'm going to correct that i just got to figure out how to do it in a way that it's not a bunch of screaming and yelling

because that's the only way i know because that's what i grew up with so i got to learn how to do like uh i don't know i just want to go above like going hey hey hey hey i don't go above that you know when i was a kid the dads from my era when they would yell at you you'd pee a little bit you a little kid anyway that is the podcast once again i can't thank uh people enough for coming out there and going to that show it was um it was so much fucking fun it was so much fun and i really hope i get to do something like that again and if i don't i'm so thankful that i did it it was absolutely fucking awesome so that's it uh go red socks go patriots um and oh my god it's a

beautiful day out it's a beautiful day out i'm gonna put my watch in my pocket and walk around new york all right everybody enjoy the music picked out by andrew themalus the great andrew themalus and we have a bonus half hour episode of the thursday afternoon just before friday monday morning podcast from a podcast a few years ago i'll see you hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's the monday morning podcast for monday august 11th 2014 jesus fucking christ i was gonna record this thing sunday night it's sunday afternoon you know all of a sudden uh you know i got invited to a fucking pool party now i love the pool i love the sun i love swimming and all that but i i don't like going to pool parties i like going

to a pool with his offense and no one can see me in my pasty body so i'm gonna go over there and look like a fucking giant piece of chalk and a pair of fucking swim shorts but uh so i figure maybe i'll have a couple of beers at which point you know old man like me sitting in the sun drinking some beers um this podcast would be an absolute shit show and some of you probably thinking oh you know that you should have done it dude dude that would have been epic make a complete ass to yourself as opposed to the usual go fuck yourself get some goddamn friends you know get some fucking friends and and and watch them make an ass to themselves not this guy not this guy not this week he points to himself slapping himself in the chest um i actually you know a lot of people don't realize

this i could have been an olympic swimmer but um i just couldn't get over the embarrassment i had in the shame of standing in front of a crowd of people with my pasty torso and legs my giant head but uh you know in my my little tommy lee leather underpants that i'm gonna fucking wear as you're fucking swimming across the pool but uh i was actually a really good swimmer you know i was a really good swimmer oh i could have been a professional swimmer his fucking verzi still going off on this shit the classic verzi i didn't know where i'm minded my own business paul verzi by the way from the verzi effect podcast um he just out of nowhere he makes a classic verzi statement which is it's just it's through the fucking roof through the stratosphere right out into the goddamn

milky way he said no sport in history will ever be as psychological and as mental as golf he could have just said is uh psychological as golf he but he was trying to sound smart so he had and as mental nothing could be as sugary and sugar-ish as a sugar cookie thank you paul so of course i gotta knock him down i gotta knock down the statements and this is what i wrote back i wrote pussies uh sissy a sport ever complete waste of time and uh i just started going off on it and he was trying to defend it he goes well dude you know maybe if you played it if you played it you've understand it's like i've played it i caddied for three summers you know it's fucking it's exercise for nerds that's all it is i'm not saying that the people at the top fucking level that some

of them aren't good athletes okay but i think the average professional golfer would you want to see phil mickelson throw a football you know i'm not maybe he could maybe he could surprise some people but you're just generally speaking look at that guy that guy is a champion in that sport look at him with the fucking fucking mantid sweat you know you ever go down to a fucking golf course right and you just look at the average foursome that's sitting there waiting to tee off does anybody anybody even look remotely athletic they're not you got a stick and you're hitting a fucking ball that isn't moving because baseball was too difficult he's gonna throw it fast and try to get a pen not even baseball fucking whiffle ball was too difficult for you so you went down

you bought some three stooges silly ass fucking outfit and you go down there with your cleats for whatever fucking reason you know like you're cutting back against the grain trying to pick up a couple of extra yards you're not you could go down and fucking flip flops and you could go play around a fucking golf you know hitting a ball it isn't moving that's and i'm not saying it's not fucking difficult who gives a shit dude it's so mental it's so mental you walk up you're standing over the ball you got all that time to think about think about what golf is on the same level is trying to catch a fly with chopsticks yeah it's difficult but who gives a fuck dude i gotta sink this pot if i don't sink this pot uh if i sink this pot i'll break a hundred

what if you don't who gives a shit nobody cares nobody cares nobody cares but other unathletic fuck or former athletes who had too many fucking hoagies and now this is their idea or they're in a miserable marriage so they go down to this fucking men's club they go down there and have a couple of bears and they stand around right scratching their balls through the pocket of their fucking pants house keys jingling right just psyched to be out of the house it's a fucking reason to get away from your wife that's all it is okay but enough with this horseshit okay and i know i'm not saying that there aren't people out there you know that are in great shape that are professional golfers and all of that i'm not saying that okay

but you look at the average champion in golf look at bubble watson does that guy look like he's ever done in like curls a push-up anything he just looks how he looks you know yeah he's got that you know sort of sunken in chess with i have a couple of donuts every once in a while a little fucking flab around the middle i know i'm gonna get a ton of the shit for this but i don't care i am so fucking sick of everybody who plays golf rich boss is good at golf from the rich and bonnie my wife hates me podcasts i'm out this way i'm hyping all the podcasts this week i'm shedding on golf rich boss is actually from what i heard not only good at golf he is an excellent golfer rich boss with his little hands you wouldn't want to see rich boss go over the middle and try

and catch a football do you think those little hands could go up and grab it as some cornerbacks coming in timing it to knock his fucking head off he probably stopped slurring if it happened but anyways if fucking come in and and hit him right that's not a mental game that's not a mind fuck jumping up in the air looking the other direction trying to catch a flying object to somebody else who's trained to knock you out is coming in give me a fucking break this is what i love about golf the average fucking cunt who plays that game is such is so horrible so fucking bad at that guy dude go to a golf course it is a fucking shit show fucking shit show you go down to play pick up hockey you go down to play pick up hoop

you see athletes you see athletic people you go to a golf course it is a fucking shit show looks like one of those fat camp shows you wait for somebody to come stepping out of the bushes telling everybody what house they're gonna live in over the next three months here's another thing about fucking golf oh i'm on a tear here here's another thing about golf i've never seen a fucking sport where every year they're trying to win there's so many non athletic uncoordinated fuckheads playing that game that every year they got to try to improve the equipment to make up for how bad everybody sucks somehow make the fucking golf ball go further somehow build a club to compensate for somebody's fucking mantits as they come around

do they do they redesign a football every year so you can throw it farther when are they finally gonna get the equipment to catch up with how unathletic the average golfer is and somebody can actually keep it on the fucking course look i'm not saying you know go out have a couple of beers and smoke some stokies it's a it's great guide time away from the ladies or whatever i'm not saying that but i am so fucking fed up with everybody trying to justify it first is a sport all right let's get into this dumb argument like what makes a sport a sport my thing is if there's not somebody across from you trying to beat the living shit out of you i i i i or just stop you i don't i don't think it's a sport and i don't want to hear golfers

yeah the person trying to stop you is yourself man that happens in every fucking sport okay every fucking sport okay you want to go up there against roger clements at the height of his right righted out fucking period and the guy in front of you just before you went up went yard in the guy you want to be that next guy fucking digging into the box is that guy's out there fucking grinding his teeth you want to talk about a mind fuck trying to guess yeah i'm gonna guess which side of my fucking head he's gonna throw at you're telling me standing over that goddamn ball is a bunch of other fat fucks to stare at you is difficult with your space age design fucking driver he's fucking cuts this is when you know you suck every year you got a new driver

dude i got a new one yeah the even bigger bertha i'm a fucking lazy fucks they can't even carry their own bags you know they got some fucking little fucking taiwanese kid carrying double bags as they walk down or they drive around in their little golf carts driving right up to the ball and then the mind game starts again give me a fucking break all right fuck golf all right that's all i'm saying okay this is the monday morning podcast everybody and you know i say a lot of dumb things and they go on for a long time that's basically what happens here uh i want to thank everybody last week uh that enjoyed the fact that i called orange is the new black i called it clam oz i just think their title is a little long um i i've actually tried to watch a couple episodes

uh of that show and i just i don't know i just think that though that white girl should be getting a living shit kicked out of her a lot more like she she i started to watch the pilot and she just didn't have enough of a uh i can fucking handle myself background that you know every time i drop in i just feel like she should be painting somebody's toenails she never is she's fucking having arguments with people they would just grab her by her fucking hair and spin her around the head like a helicopter and throw her in the fucking corner and then just do unspeakable thanks to her she'd be having a horrific time she wouldn't have the time to give monologues you know i'm shitting on a show i've barely watched and uh you know which goes good because

i'm shitting on a sport i've barely played i tried playing it was fucking bored shitless i used to caddy at this uh this country club when i was a youngster i did it uh i did it a couple times and there was a handful of people that were actually athletic they were actually uh guys guys social and they were good they were good golfers and the rest of them oh with this stupid fucking thigh high argyle horse socks with their matching fucking i'm selling newspaper hats coming out there with their big puffy in a way we go pants oh those guys were the fucking worst you didn't make any money sometimes you try to go out again but you know half the time you go out with such a fucking hack and it had nothing to do with golf

just blaming the sport it's like oh you suck at golf what sport are you good at huh accounting fucking asshole you'd be better at counting how many dimples are on that golf ball then actually why don't you start with fucking uh i don't know what i don't i don't know i think if you're gonna play golf you should you should have to be able to play polo first if you could handle a horse it'd be hand-eye coordination to fucking whack that ball as you're riding on that fucking beast and it's nostrils flaring then i'll entertain that maybe you're athletic when you go to walk out on the course but other than that with the hazards and the dumb ass fucking rules you know here's another thing too and then everybody goes out and they fucking cheat

all the time and there's gimmies and all of that yeah go fuck yourself fuck all of that i do like golf courses i like them from the air it gives planes and helicopters a place to land if they ever get in trouble other than that it's just a complete it's just a fucking waste of time um all right bill you've made your goddamn point um fuck what was i just gonna talk about i'd started to go into something else yeah i don't have any questions for this week i don't i don't have anything i'm just trying to fuck i'm trying to energy my way through this thing uh let's let's do a little uh we'll do a little advertising here okay if you thought that that was horrific wait till you hear

me try and read out loud how many we got this week we got one two three four five all right all right back to the podcast did any of that last part make any sense um all right let's get what what other moron moronic shit can i talk about um well what did i do this week i went on a long hike this morning somebody sent me a nice article about uh the the health benefits of hiking which is just like golfing without all the douchebags you don't have to keep score everybody if you just want to go walking just go just go hike do you know what's weird is uh they actually issued a warning out here for certain parks

that uh that women should not be hiking alone because evidently there's one or two perverts that are riding by on bicycles grabbing ass and titties as they go by and uh i know that that's wrong but like what what do you what do you think like what kind of a fucking game plan i mean we all like ass and titties right why wouldn't you just walk up and say hello try an opening line say how beautiful her eyes are like i hated going to school but if i could go to school and become a psychologist and just or a cop who in a way when they finally catch this hunk of shit um who's kidding who this damaged child that now is becoming adult you know they can afford a bicycle um like i don't understand

are they fat no because that wouldn't work because they're on a bike i'm thinking like they just i bet the person's small if i'm gonna try to break down what i think this person looks like here let me do a little police work all right i think the dude is small because he's worried that after he sexually assaults the woman by grabbing a boob or a butt uh she's she has the chance of beating the shit out of him so i think he's a smaller fella um he's just coming right down the fucking hill right down the hill with his dick standing up that's one of the scariest things i think i could ever think of i wonder if he yells as he comes by he just reaches out grabs her ass

oh that titties i mean that's fucking horrible what is now when they catch this guy and he goes to jail anybody who goes to jail for uh for you know you know any pedophiles or rapists anything sexually fucked up they have a rough time so like what would they do with him you know what would be the uh the punishment i mean he doesn't deserve an ass raping for that does he because if he deserves an ass rape and then what what the fuck does the ass raping deserve if it's a very slippery slope it's almost like you know doing your stand-up act you can't start with your clothes and bit you got nowhere to go you can't be on 10 this guy deserves like what i'm an actual lady it's like what do you think this guy deserves god knows with them it's never

enough right it's never enough like when they suspended steven a smith after he said you i'm gonna keep talking about that because it was such bullshit when he said you she shouldn't hit a woman right um and they still suspended him they went and they cut to this woman right this lady and she's like he got suspended like three days of some shit cost him like fucking half a million dollars you know and uh because he said you should never hit a woman and then he had the audacity to say let's try to examine the problem from 360 degrees you know um he gets suspended like three days and this fucking woman comes on tv and she goes i don't think it's enough i don't think it's enough i so wanted to be on tv it just be like is it ever enough with you bitches

see that's right it's exactly it you call this all bitches no i'm not you fucking cunt i'm calling you a bitch all right that's all it's a joke lighten the fuck up dude i swear to god you could go out the average woman you could go if you went out and you bought her a fucking Mercedes Benz four door hard top or whatever you know what they'd say how come you didn't get the convertible not saying all of them but enough of them i guess we do shit too like you didn't even notice they got my haircut oh i thought you got a new shirt i mean we're morons i guess i'm i'm trying to be more empathetic as i get older but uh it's never enough it's like they're treating the guy like he hit somebody

uh i don't know i guess i've exhaust exhausted that topic what are you doing you have an hour long podcast and you don't have any fucking emails andrew was supposed to send me him these motherfucking things but he's on a hiking excursion which i understand because i would not be fucking sending emails either plus i'm doing it way early so i'm just gonna have to sit here and just fucking deal with this goddamn silence um what am i gonna bring to the pool party other than my lack of pigment i don't want to fucking drink in the sun you know hey i'm doing another one of those uh what is it the uh the goddamn comedy jam i'm doing another one of those and uh i'm not going to tell you the song that i'm playing but i have to go down to

the fucking drum whatever the fuck it is i'm not going to give anybody i wish it was a private one i know professional drum shop i'll go down there on vine i gotta get a uh i gotta get a cowbell i just had to pause and wait for somebody yell more cowbell for the umpteen thousand time like it's still funny um i gotta get the cowbell you know you you actually hit it with the bass drum i'm gonna put it right next to the fucking hi-hat i'm gonna try to do a note for note cover of this fucking song and uh this is my new link this is this is my golf this is how the fuck i have to get out of the goddamn mouth i probably shouldn't have gone off like that hard on golf right is that right oh before i before i get off totally off the subject here uh thank you to

everybody who helped uh benny grebb uh raise some money for his uh dvd project um drum video uh thing that he's trying to put together i'm the worst at promoting shit but i i appreciate it um all right and back to the uh the golf shit i probably shouldn't have been that difficult you know people go out they have a good time you know i don't fucking know i'm just already anticipating the amount of shit people are gonna give me for that um anyways you know what let's talk about you know this is something i haven't talked about in a minute because i took off the fucking summer um yeah that's what i did i took off the summer and then my whole fucking downstairs go out went to shit do you know some weirdo chick emailed me she goes stop referring it to your

downstairs like she was getting something weird sexually out of that like that was my issue and i need to stop saying that it's just like it's like okay yeah i guess that's on me that's not on you when i'm talking about my house and i say the downstairs and you somehow are thinking about my dick and balls you weirdo um that's the type of shit people send you all right here's here's what i got going on coming up um very quickly by the way august 21st i'm at the jiffy lube live fucking extravaganza center arena whatever the hell it is in bristo virginia doing the comedy oddball tour um on august 22nd i'm at jones beach jode uh that's not even a fucking long island accent long island um nicon at jones beach theater oddball comedy tour these are all oddball comedy

tours slashing slash pay for bill's basement tour i'm doing the dte energy music theater uh on august 29th in clarkston michigan august 30th i'm at the first niagra pavilion august 34 whatever let me just fuck the pavilion shit august 31st i'm in tinley park illinois the hell is that september 14th i'm in urvine california and on um november 14th i'm at the west palm beach improv because i'm going to that hurricane's uh i'ma said samoan hurricane seminal game uh the next day and the day before the on the 13th i'm going to that dolphin's bill's game which is going to be the shit um so anyways that's what the fuck i got going on and for those of you if i'm coming back to with a a um city or an area and you saw me last year i i got a brand new fucking i got a brand new

like 40 minutes okay i take my act it's done that hour is gone it's fucking dead to me it's fucking dead to me and uh i'm coming with all new shit all right so there you go just because i'm going out because i have to pay for my fucking house does not mean that i'm gonna fuck you over i am coming with new material new material it will be and it's one of the great lineups of all time a couple of those shows uh well let's click on let's see what we got here listen to this shit here all right i clicked on it my internet's working really slowly lately i don't know what that means hey did you hear like like google and all these other fucking guys they're trying to buy up the whole internet and then you're gonna have to fucking pay them a vig every month are they

gonna make your website super slow uh you bitch they're not even gonna tell me who the fuck's on that these you can't do that to people how could you do that to people all right let's see in bristow virginia lineup all right here we go amy schumer hannibal burris david tell brody stevens jeff ross uh chris hadwick and uh brent mooring look at that look at that lineup um one of them i think uh what is it i think it's the uh the jones beach one that's the other one i'll look up before i this whole podcast goes into just a boring oh that's oh jesus oh jesus listen to this lineup for jones beach david tell louis ck sarah silverman chris hodwick brody stevens jeff ross hannibal burris and myself all right that show should be called go fuck yourself

oh oh billy boy's gonna go on early on that one um all right back to the uh back to the podcast here all right you know who gets a fuck i'm just i'm gonna i'm gonna just start reading just random uh emails that i i got off my uh off my web my web atode there uh hey bill hi how are you huge fan i haven't read any of these things i just i sort of glanced at me uh you made me land on me time um i recently saw in a small interview in which you said buying a house unless you are buying it straight up with money you have meaning without a loan i guess is a stupid move could you please elaborate because i think you're out of your mind that's not what i said and also that was part of a longer interview and they took a 15 minute conversation and made it a

minute and a half uh this is what he says let me tell you my situation my wife and i have been renting a condo for a thousand dollars a month not including utilities uh three bedrooms garage great neighborhood all that jazz the american dream everything that the american dream is all about after a year of renting total spent 12 grand i decided i'm gonna buy a place in the same neighborhood uh i gave a 10 i gave 10 down payment oh jesus oh jesus oh god dude you're gonna have that dick in your ass forever um and my mortgage is now $870 a month taxes included while my rent was a thousand for the same place like the one i just bought now the rent money i am never gonna see again um that's 12 000 gone forever in only one

year which i obviously don't regret spending since it was a necessity however let's say i pay for my house for 10 years i would have paid roughly a hundred thousand dollars off for it what sure i will get raped on taxes interest rate from the bank yada yada then i go sell it even if the price for the house didn't go up at all i'm gonna see some of that money back sure not all of it but even if it's half of it that's still way smarter than renting for 10 years and seeing none of it uh blah blah blah you're gonna present the usual argument all right dude you're paying a thousand dollars a month to rent because you don't have like a 500 grand hanging over your head and you can fucking leave whenever you want and if anything goes wrong on the condo somebody

else has to fix it so you're sitting there acting like you got this condo and it's 870 a month and that is um $870 a month and that is like your only expenses it isn't you're easily paying at least a thousand bucks let's see you want to talk about throwing money away if you just make the monthly payment that 870 like 860 of that is right in the toilet that just goes to the bank you don't own 870 dollars more your house you own like nine dollars more um they slowly bleed you for 30 fucking years i and what i was basically saying is that um buying a house that you can't afford is a stupid move because all you're doing is staying in it paying interest on it while it increases in value the only person making money when you go to sell it is going to be the bank and

the real estate agent those are the only two people and um i don't understand that whole fucking thing like say you bought at the right time and then the fucking thing shoots through the roof right your house doubles in price and then you sell it and then you've doubled your money but now you need a place to live so you have to go buy go back into this market where everything's doubled so it's just a lateral fucking move all the money you made you now got to put into this other house unless you somehow downgrade your life why which why would you want to do that um the only way to make money i think really in a house is uh if you can afford it and you can pay it off quickly if you can pay it off quickly then as the house increases in value it's increasing

in value for you because what happens i feel over the years when you're paying the interest the interest is always slightly ahead of how much the house is appreciating in value and that's when you didn't get completely fucked over if you bought at the at the height of a bubble like so many other people um you're upside down in your house and you could stay in it for 30 fucking years and you still might it still might not be worth as much i mean i don't even i don't know i don't really understand what you're trying to ask me it's just like i guess yeah you after 10 years you could sell your house and you would get some money but you're not adding them you're not adding this money properly like let's say okay you were throwing 12 grand a month 12 grand a year

into the toilet you said but you had the luxury of not having a half a million dollars in debt hanging over your head you also had the luxury of you can basically give a month's notice and fucking leave okay um you don't have to go through the trying to sell the fucking house and oh my god it's just the uh you know the wrong time to be selling it and blah blah blah and oh fuck the water main broke i have to pay for that you don't have to pay for any 12 grand big bang boom it's all done condo thing people come by trim the hedges mow the lawn you don't have to pay for any of that fucking shit 12 grand a year done it's a beautiful fucking thing now owning a house is a beautiful fucking thing if you buy a house that you can afford okay if you

can just kick the shit out of the principal but if you're going to go in there and just pay 870 a month um as that house appreciates in value it's appreciating in value for the bank not for you i hate to tell you that sir but that's basically it okay so let's say now you're throwing 870 okay 8700 dollars a year okay to we'll just say roughly we'll say 8500 a year in interest over 10 years you're talking about you know it starts to go down at the more you've paid in interest that first 10 years is mostly interest so you're going to give them like 75 thousand dollars you're going to throw into the fucking toilet all right plus all the expenses all the taxes all the bullshit of owning a fucking house all the shit that i'm going through right now

um it makes paying a thousand dollars a month and not owning way better way better the fact that you can just fucking leave whenever you want to and if there's a problem you can call somebody up and be like yeah dude you know you need to fix this i will not stand for this me and my thousand dollars a fucking month so um you're paying way more than 870 bucks a month is all i'm saying and i'm not saying like that's great that you actually what you should do is are you taking that extra 130 dollars a month that you're saving and throwing that at least throw that at your principle anything to somehow start sawn away at the chains around your fucking ankles um because it is a fuck over do this sir do this whatever your fucking principle is okay multiply your monthly

payment times 12 and then multiply it times 30 and it's going to be roughly two and a half two and a half times what the fuck uh your loan was okay so if your loan was safe for 500 grand you're going to pay them back probably anywhere from 1.2 million dollars to 1.5 depending on what your fucking interest rate was okay and i don't think in 30 years you're going to get a million and a half dollars for that fucking thing and let's say you do forget it you paid all the taxes and all the bullshit had to put a new roof and fix the fucking driveway and the electrical and the pipes and the water damage and the fucking god knows what else the termites and all the shit that happened i mean you'll if you break even you fucking crushed it that's all i'm saying

all right now i might be a dick i might be raining on your fucking parade there but uh that's why i feel like if you can buy a house that you can just pay off even if it's a shithole if you can just pay it off in five years you're better to keep renting and buy a house in another fucking state you don't want to live in just buy that thing get people in there paying the fucking mortgage and then you you pay pay down the fucking principal you better to do that and then sell that fucking thing and use the equity and that to then get into a fucking house where you live where you want to live and uh try to kick the shit out of the principal but uh that whole thing getting into a house and all you're asking is what is the monthly payment going to be you are going to get

fucked in the ass seven ways to sunday as they say that's what i was trying to say but they cut out a ton of what i was uh what i was talking about sir okay so there you are was that boring well they kind of bored me too um let's let's steer into the boring and let's do a little more advertising now jesus this podcast started fast and it's dying a slow slow fucking death um dude that's just like golf you fucking kill it on the front nice shut up with your slacks all right here we go um dollar shave club everybody uh ever wonder why razors are so expensive big shave companies are charging you for uh for ridiculous shave tech you don't need first vibrating handles then flashing lights now pivot ball flex heads what next the mpv p3 players over there enough

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shaves out of some dull dirty old razor scraping up your face you get a you get to shave with a fresh blade every week this is absolutely mandatory for anybody that wants a great shave you deserve better than a dull old blade no more ridiculous shaving technology make the smarter choice join dollarshaveclub.com slash burr that's dollarshaveshaveclub.com slash burr all right and finally everybody hulu plus you've probably tried hulu on your computer hulu plus is so much more with hulu plus you can watch shows on your schedule hulu plus has all your favorite shows like cosmos a spacetime odyssey bob's burgers or undatable starring chris delia and watch every episode of shows like south park the cosby show or dr who and many more hulu plus works on your computer smartphone

roku apple tv xbox pretty much anywhere that uh streaming pretty much any streaming device you already own god i'm brutal this week you should be blocking off a day just a binge with hulu plus you're in total control to stream these and thousands more as much as you want wherever you want if you saw the giant bullet points they made to try to help me through this and i'm still screwing it up hulu plus is awesome despite my read okay also get exclusive access to stream the criterion collection movies and hulu plus has all of them all movies and kid shows are ad-free too for only seven ninety nine a month get your shows anytime anywhere but right now i'm offering my listeners a two week free trial when you go to hulu plus dot com slash bill bravo

india lima lima that's a whole extra week free please make sure you use hulu plus dot com slash bills so you get an extended free trial and so they know that we sent you it helps us keep the lights on and gives you a better deal one more time for the extended for that extended free trial hulu plus dot com slash bill all right there you go there you go um hey bill i need some advice about what a girl did to me what this fucking broad did to me only uh you see this person says okay so i started talking to this girl and we hung out you know what we had some fun she's beautiful she has a great personality fyi what pisses me off is the way she led me on by telling me how lucky she was to have met me and all this other bullshit so i started to fall for

this bro over there uh she's the first girl that i ever fell in love with uh this is way oh wait this is she's the first girl that i ever felt this this way before now is that me a him she's the first girl that i ever felt this way before now that's him and it's both our first year in college so out of fucking nowhere she tells me that she's got a fucking boyfriend which got me fucking mad the guy's dropping the f bottom i'm believing it here so my question is why did she lead me on just to drop me for some other fucker uh is this guy mexican for some other fucker uh i'm stupid because i still like her set me straight bill and tell me what you would do in that situation and if that ever happened to you before thanks um oh jesus did

ever happen oh absolutely i've been both of those people i've been the douche and i've been you um um all right let's see here why did she do that because she's young you're both young let it go man she could she could have done what could have happened to you is so much worse okay she could have uh i don't know you could have married her had a couple of kids with her and then then you find out that she wants to be with somebody else that could have happened you got off easy you're young you're in the prime of your fucking life you know you're in your first year of college dude you're you're a number one draft pick you got your whole life ahead of you you know i mean like like the level of fucking ass that you could be banging right now just out of

the sheer potential that your life still has and what's great about at your age you don't really have to prove anything all you have to do is be majoring in something that sounds like there's a bunch of cash at the end of the rainbow you tell a fucking couple jokes you're in there okay so whatever you know look here's one way to look at it you know you got let's just say that she isn't just young and immature because that's what that sounds like um that's that's best case scenario she might be an absolute psycho at which point you totally got off easy because uh she's out of your life so what i would do is uh what i always say this is what you want to do next time you see her you're gonna look great because you're gonna go to the gym you're gonna get fucking jacked

all right you're gonna get in the best shape of your fucking life and you're gonna start hitting on ass fucking two three levels above her and one of them's gonna say yes it's a law of averages then someday you'll run a door and be like would you look at that fucking broken down hunk of shit that i actually was worried about you know now look at me and i'm not saying this new girl isn't gonna crush you too that's that was bad for me to say that i'm gonna get you to the point where you can't trust people but uh you know so it's a it's one of the uh one of the growing pains of finding who finding whoever the fuck you're supposed to be with i guess i don't know i don't know i'm sorry she did that to you it sucks um i have had that happen to me i was uh

how can i tell this story without getting anybody in trouble um it was one of my earlier relationships uh this woman was a musician she was a lot older than i was and she was in a band uh and there was another dude in the band it was married to another chick that was in the band and um you know she quit her day job and started spending a lot of time over this guy's house writing i'm doing the air quotes right now writing working on music writing uh the dude's wife was getting upset was saying i don't like you spending all this time with this other woman he said it's innocent we're just writing we're over here writing and um my girl came home to me and said she was upset that this other broad would ever think that oh

my god how the fuck you know uh that she would ever do something like that she's like i would never do something like that i love the guy but as a friend i'm just over there writing long story short me and this woman break up i start a comedy career in about a year and a half later i'm doing a show and uh who comes up to who comes up to me at the end of the show the wife of the guy that my old girlfriend was writing with and i say good to see you she's like yeah i can't believe you're doing comedy that's awesome oh yeah it's great to see and all that type of shit and i was like hey we're so and so and she goes oh she's with your girl your ex-girlfriend now you know and i was just like jesus christ and uh i realized

that they probably were not writing when we were dating and i would love to tell you that i only had one of those stories but i i had a number of those i had like uh i had like three women that i know of that did that you know and then i fucked around too in relationships so i mean what are you gonna do well give some you take some of what are you gonna do it happens it happens people human beings they fuck up they make mistakes you know but you got off easy you got it easy jesus christ i told you that fucking story didn't i i know i told this one before that time oh my god i was right when i knew i was gonna be a comic i was i went to one of her shows and they were in this band i can't say the name of the band all right i'm not trying

to get anybody in trouble but they made these sweatshirts for the band that they were selling after the show and they were all white and they said the name of the band and like this miami vice pastel okay and it's the early 90s so the pastel look is fucking at least i mean that was mid 80s this is early 90s so they're gonna sell these after the show and the woman i was dating said she wanted me to wear the sweatshirt during their fucking show and i was everything in me was screaming going i don't want to do this i don't want to do this but for some reason i was at that age i was i was afraid of having a confrontation um and i i fucking did it anyways i sat in the crowd at their fucking show they had an outdoor show during the day and i sat there with a sweatshirt

on written in pastel with the name of their band uh you know that's unfucking believe why didn't i just say that was so much of my adult life was learning to just say no i don't want to do this um you know because i i had like more of a uh you know my childhood upbringing was hey sit down and shut the fuck up you know when that is like the communication that is going on as you're growing up like you will find yourself sitting at a show wearing a sweatshirt with pastel writing on it and not knowing that you have all the power to be like i don't want to do this and take it off um or just not put it on you know but i'm glad i didn't say no because the only way i knew how to say no then was i really would have hurt her i couldn't just say listen um

i'm not wearing it it's too effeminate okay do you have any guy ones you know you got a black one in there with like it's written in just something other than pink and aqua fucking blue all right i was getting no final if i really loved her i wouldn't wouldn't have had a problem if i was really comfortable with who i was i would have fucking i would have cut the sleeves off i would have tied it off right just fucking skipped right down the aisle professing my love but i didn't love her so i don't give a shit that she banged that guy in the band good for her good on you lady from my life fucking 25 fucking years ago oh jesus that was an oh jesus one right there that was another yet a the zillionth oh jesus moment in my life let me tell you how to rough

one out there you know um anyways football season's coming up i'm so fucking excited man i'm actually more excited for the uh i'm more excited for college football i can't fucking wait oh let me tell you i can't fucking wait you know and i don't have any dates i don't have that many dates this uh this fall i'm just in town building up my new hour because i'm not gonna go out on the road and fuck people over and do the same shit i did the last time and then i just fucked myself over that's not the way to do it um and i'm also uh i got a little project and i'm writing that you guys might see the light of day at some point you know old fucking freckles old freckles you know you hang around hollywood long enough they might give

you something i'll tell you be careful what you wish for um what did i want to talk about oh by the way if you if you enjoy this podcast if you enjoy the ramblings of a man sitting in his boxers in the middle of a sunday afternoon about ready to go to a pool party um i mean you want to donate but you don't really want to just want to give me money you want to get something out of it just go to billbird.com you click on the podcast page and you go over to the amazon uh banner and you click on that and go buy yourself something it doesn't cost you any extra money and amazon goes hey is a couple of bucks for sending them our way we appreciate it isn't that nice isn't that lovely isn't that how the world work um i actually last week said underrated and i said it was amazon's fucking

itunes thing that they have and these cunts um i just want the music and now they're trying to set up this cloud thing for me it's just like like welcome to amazon music here's a few tips to get you started please don't exit the app while we load your library and then they got this little circle thing with that fucking cloud switch between your cloud and your computer libraries go fuck yourself why do you have to have my music this is what i don't like about all these fucking this computer shit i just can't walk in and buy something and leave they got they got to take a piece of me they got to figure out what's he into what's he doing man they're like some psycho check you bang her one fucking time and she's got a fucking at least get a t-shirt out of it you know

why why does my music have to live on your site i hate that fucking word they're just trying to hang on to you to just keep getting more fucking money they're like they're like leeches i'm just gonna go back to buying records that's what i got you know the only thing i do like about you know the ipod and the iphone is that you can listen to all that music while you fucking walk around are you in the car that's tremendous that you can actually do that but other than that the fucking trade-off these fucking assholes i hate when that like i even go to stores now and i'm just like yeah i'm just paying cash i'm just paying cash and they still scan something there we scan so you want to make sure you get the discount it's like let me get

this straight you just went out of your way to to have your company make less money and they're okay with that there's no fucking way that's all that is that is somehow trying to collect data at the very least the fact that i paid cash they're at least doing some sort of moving like inventory of their shit but if i use like what i hate is they go hey you got a little savey save fucking card and i go no i don't and i don't want you don't scan anything i'll swipe my card and then they fucking they they scan something i'm like what the fuck why did you just do that oh i try to tell you you put me in the system i just want to get my fucking toothpaste and leave what do you then watch me from a fucking satellite he switched brands of toothpaste what does that

mean how can we get more money out of him he's fucking assholes i swear to god they've done that to me at at at the pharmacy like two times and as you can see it's driving me up the fucking wall the only thing that drives me even more up the wall is the people that don't that are so fucking dumb they don't care i mean why don't i give a fuck what are they fucking it's like they're making money off of you they're taking your private information and then what they do with that is they then sell it they share it with other businesses as they build a file on you shouldn't your private information or information on you okay maybe because you bought it in the store it's not private but like shouldn't you get a cut of that they're setting up this behind the music

thing where they're gonna own the rights to everything that you fucking do and what shouldn't you get a cut of like hey you know we we shared this information or what kind of toothpaste you like with fucking arman hammer over here and they gave us you know eight bucks for that good well give me two bucks because if i didn't walk into your fucking store you got no you had nothing to sell unless i walk into your store i'm bringing something of value when i would like my fucking two dollars at least pay me it's the principle of the thing ah Jesus look at that i made it i made it coming up on an hour fucking tremendous um all right speaking of downloads i was talking last week about that aretha franklin i want to try to download her early albums like in like complete

albums because uh you know because she's aretha and all they do is just play her fucking her greatest hits you know what i mean they don't have shit like this you know this one listen to this shit come on where was that song they always play respect you better think they never play this song you know i want to be free to fly away come on and sing to the world she's the shit and i was thinking you know itunes didn't have it i can go over to amazon this is the more mom and pop plays how fucking dumb am i you know i just realized i'm bitching about this thing and i

actually have a banner of them on my site i'm in bed with these horse um oh Jesus you know what that is that's hypocritical behavior or am i just that stupid we'll let you decide well that's the podcast for this week everybody i'm really excited about football college football coming up um baseball playoffs i always playoffs i like those you know october uh the red socks have completely shit the bed i guess they let everybody go and you know it's weird that's when i get into that's when i love them we're sitting there rooting for them against the angels every time i looked up they were fucking losing you know but padroia is still getting up this swinging for the fences yeah what are you gonna do um any football predictions bill uh no no i have no idea what's

going on i don't watch the draft i don't play fantasy football i don't collect football cards anymore i am completely out of the fucking loop i have no idea what's gonna happen i think the uh i think the jets got a little stronger i think we got a little weaker i think buffalo got a little stronger i think you know where we're kind of in our swan song of tom brady he's in the final third of his career he has the ability to win another super bowl but i just don't know if we're gonna be able to get him the right players in time uh that's what i'm kind of feeling but hey the end of it he won three of them you know can't get mad about that and he's also one of the legends right up there with larry bobby teddy ball game bill russell and all those motherfuckers

um and okay that's it that's the podcast for this week ladies and gentlemen gentlemen and ladies okay let's be fair to the women here okay they want equal rights so every once in a while you have to go second gentlemen and ladies i am off to a fucking pool party uh i hope i'm not gonna be sunburned um it's just the worst i'm gonna feel like the boy in the bubble i'll be the guy like under the umbrella with my knees up in my chest it doesn't make any sense that my skin is this fucking light and that sun does what it does to my skin i've been to ireland i've been there it's sunny i don't get it i guess scan an avia when you get out there but i don't have to scan an avian blood the fuck did that come from scotland gets it rains all the time

i don't know i think i'm just weird all right everybody that's the podcast this week go fuck yourselves have a wonderful week and i will talk to you next monday um i heard a voice crying in the wilderness um you you