Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-16-18

Episode Date: August 17, 2018

Bill sits down with comedian Tom Rhodes.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. Checking in to see how your week's going before I get started. This is going to be a special podcast, so I have a couple of special announcements. Stephen Adler is back together with Adler's Appetite, and they're going to be playing at the Rose in Pasadena on August 23rd, and then he's going to be in Vegas at the Golden Nugget on the 24th, and on the 25th, this is August, August 8th, at the Canyon Club in Santa Clarita. If you want to see one of the best drummers I've ever seen in my life, check out Adler's Appetite. And with that, the other announcement

I have to make, I have a very special guest, a long time waiting, long time in the coming for whatever, whatever fucking reason. We've hung out a million times. We never thought to do a podcast. I didn't want to infringe on the man's talents. Please welcome Mr. Tom Rhodes. Yay. What's going, yay for me. What's up, brother? How are you, brother? I'm doing good, man. I'm so psyched you're on the podcast. You're one of the best comics I've known. I've known you for like, I know, I've known you for like 20, I don't know how

many years. 25 years. Yeah. Yeah. Long time. Way back in LA. And I would say... I was living in New York, like 98, 99, I think. Was that it?

Yeah. Maybe that was what it was. I thought I met you in like 95 or 96 out here in LA. I was out here briefly. Yeah, maybe. Briefly. You probably walked by with your romantic novel hair that you had back then. Romance novel haircut. Me with my red afro. Two hacks passing in the night, right? Trying to get better. And then, yeah, then I think the first time I like officially kind of met you and was hanging out.

Back when we both had phallic strength. Yes. And I was very excited that you knew who I was. Because I had seen you at eating it of all places, which is why I became a huge fan of your standup. I've told you this story before when I'm going to tell the listeners where you were talking about some sort of extracurricular activity that you were doing. I had done mushrooms in Amsterdam in Vondelpark. Yes. And I just remember you were describing the whole fucking trip of it. And I just remember you were just, at one point you were just like, I was running through the grass on my

tippy toes. And I was just something about that was like, you know, there's nothing with alcohol. There's nothing worse than just seeing somebody who's like completely fucked up. But like with mushrooms, there's like a oneness with the world where you literally watch an adult become a child or something. I just thought you described it. I've never taken mushrooms, but like from what I've seen when I've seen people tripping it. And I remember I was there with Nia way back in the day when we were still boyfriend, girlfriend, and we would die and laughing. And that became

like, you know, like one of the catchphrase for us, you know, we would just be walking around the apartment and one would be in the other room and we just would just yell that out running through the grass on my tippy toes. We both would just start laughing. That's the greatest compliment you could get when like a joke or a sentence from a joke becomes part of somebody's vernacular, you know. Oh yeah. There's been a few. There's the Dave Chappelle. Dave Chappelle had a bit about how, you know, he likes eating chicken and he's a black dude. So there's that weird sort of stereotype. He's like, but, but I like it. He goes, but I won't eat it in public

because he goes, I'm afraid there'll be some white people around going, look at him. He loves it. So just like the encyclopedia says, wasn't that the last line of that bit? I don't remember, but I just remember. To this day, I know I can't eat fried chicken without thinking of that line. Well, to this day, when me and Nia are hanging out, uh, if we're eating food and if she goes, as a taste, I go, ah, it's good. I like it. And she just go, look at him. He loves it. Like it just, it's just, there was a few of those loves it. Yeah. Now I got to go through all of them. Sarah Silverman, Sarah Silverman said something about how she always practice, uh, bought condoms or something. I think I just remember the punchline was

because I do a lot of fucking and I remember Nia was watching that when this little one bedroom apartment is everything is in New York little and I was shaving in the other room and I just heard the, I didn't even hear the setup, which probably I can't remember, but I just burst it out laughing while I was shaving. So, um, anyway, you're part of my Mount Rushmore of lines that just never, it just never left my, my, my, my head. I don't know why. So, and furthermore, other, you know, I would say either you or Doug Stanhope have probably put the most like standup miles on the odometer as far as the places that, that you've played, how far you've gone. Um, but I mean, you might have to be the king,

man. You were telling me that at some point in this podcast, you were going to start rattling off your dates. If actually you sat down here looking like you didn't have a care in the world and you just casually mentioned to me that you're off to Mongolia tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. I would be a fucking wreck going like, oh, I would, am I going to forget something? I would have to check 50 times to make sure I have my passport and I would stick in the bag and I would zip it shut and then look to make sure and I would zip it shut again. And then I would still have to check it before I left the house in the car on the way to the airport before I started talking that anxiety down because I used my, um, Jengus

Khan biography to reread on the plane. That's it. Is that how you say it? It's not gang. Yeah. I played in Mongolia last October and it was freezing. It was in the 30s. So this is a, you're the only guy I know. Not only has been to Mongolia, but now it's to his return engagement is triumphant return to Mongolia. Awesome. The comedians, they're, um, wonderful guys. I mean, in Mongolians are beautiful. I mean, they look like the people in Avatar, but without the blue and, uh, five of the low five of the local Mongolian comedians met me at the airport when I arrived and they cheered, they cheered when I came out. I'm like the most famous comedian that's ever played in Mongolia. So they'd like bent over

backwards showing me, uh, Ulaanbaatar and we drove out to the, uh, the world's largest Jengus Khan statue. And yeah, they, they taught me that it's, uh, it's Jengus Khan, not Jengus. And those, those what? I like that you're not obnoxious with that, that information. You could be really cunty at a party. Excuse me, guys. I don't interrupt. It's Jengus Khan. Yeah. And Americans and other people say though, they call those white round tents, uh, yurts, but they actually call them gures in, in Mongolia. So, uh, What's, what's the, uh, I don't know anything about it other than it's just sort of spoons

with Northern China. It's between them and Russia, China and Russia. And, uh, so I liked it so much. And, um, I wanted to go back in summer and see it when it wasn't, um, bone chilling cold. So, uh, it's kind of, um, uh, vacation. So I mean, I'm going to do a gig there, but I'm going to go in and I'm, I'm going to spend like four days there. These guys are going to take me way out into the country. We're going to sleep in a gur, one of those round tents, um, shoot some, shoot some arrows, do some, uh, do some Mongolian warrior activities. And then I got a gig, uh, you got to tell Rogan about this. Rogan sounds like he would be all over this. Oh, I'm sure he would love it.

I'm sure you would love it. It's, um, you know, that's the, I've shot some arrows in my time. I went, I went bow fishing and, uh, some Bayou down in fucking Iowa with, somewhere outside of New Orleans. It's a great thing about being a comedian. I remember I was in Alaska years ago. I did a gig in Ketchikan and I met the perfect Alaskan guy who took me fishing on his charter boat and then took me skeet shooting. I always feel like when you meet those guys, there's always some sort of like raggedy plane you get in first that lands on water, or they put snowshoes on the bottom of it. So upon tune. Um, so what, let's see, uh, you know, you're the only guy I know that's played

Vietnam. I love Vietnam. You know, my, my father, I know that watches like Ken Burns documentaries. Like, yeah, I've been there. I've played there. Yeah. I know what it looks like now. I've done all of that. Um, I, you know, while I did that special for, um, Comedy Central in 1995 called Viva Vietnam. I, I got to go to Vietnam. You've been going in for over 20 years. I was the first comedian ever to have a development deal with Comedy Central. And so I could do whatever I wanted. It was like being a junior filmmaker almost. So in 1994, Bill Clinton lifted the travel ban on Vietnam, the way like Obama lifted the travel ban on Cuba. And my father fought in Vietnam. He flew helicopters. He was shot down. Everyone in

his helicopter. Can you, can you tell that story? Uh, yeah, quickly. Yeah. So, and this is why Vietnam has always been, uh, really important. It's a big thing in our family. Um, so my father flew helicopters in Vietnam in 1969. He was stationed in Placo and, uh, he, there was, there was all these soldiers stuck on the ground. They're surrounded by, uh, the North Vietnamese, uh, soldiers and they're, they're just getting slaughtered. So my father had to fly in and rescue these guys. How old was he? Um, he actually joined. My, my dad was one of those knuckleheads. So he was 30. His, uh, his buddies in his unit called him Methuselah because he was like the oldest guy there because everybody else was 19. You know, he just thought, you know, he grew up

on John Wayne movies. He thought that, you know, he was one of those guys that thought when your country needed you, you know, so, uh, they made, he made, I got the, the letter from the army, and all his medals, um, after he died. Uh, so he made three attempts to land, to save these guys and was, it took so much heavy fire. He had to lift up, circle around and on the fourth attempt, he, he gets down and there's like 20 guys down there still alive and it's life or death. So they all like jump on the, the helicopter and as he's pulling up, you know, and he's just getting rattled with so much, um, fire, machine gun fire that the helicopter knows dived down and everybody died in the helicopter except for him and his co-pilot who was knocked unconscious.

He unhooks him, drags him across the field under heavy fire and then they had to wait there for like an hour or two, uh, before someone could come in and rescue them. And was he shooting back at them or what? Well, it's funny. He, because he, you know, he, my dad, uh, would laugh when he tells the story because he always had this pistol that he would take with him when he, when he was flying and then the one day he forgot it, he gets shot down. So he wasn't shooting back. He didn't have a gun. So, um, my dad was a decorated war hero and he, um, he got like five medals. I've been over your house. He, uh, Tom has it framed. He has the letter and, and there's like, you know, the letter from the army saying what

he did from his commanding officer. And there's almost not enough room in the frame for all of the, it's like five. There's like six medals, but five were from that one incident. He got the distinguished flying cross and, and, uh, my, my father, um, is buried in Arlington National Cemetery. As he should be. When you got to be a badass to get in there, you know, I would say he qualifies. So my dad, uh, I'll probably be buried across the street and like in front of a seven, 11. I want a Viking funeral pyre. Um, so, so my dad, every year he would get, he would have a reunion with his Vietnam veteran helicopter buddies. It was like, um, big thing for him. Uh, and, uh, and, and my dad also loved standup comedy. My dad loved prior and my dad's the reason I'm a comedian.

You know, he had all, I remember driving around with as a little kid listening to Richard Pryor with my dad. So was he thrilled that you became a comedian? Oh yeah. My dad drove me to my first open mic night. My dad, my dad took me. So my dad, standup comedy was always revered in my family. And well, especially, you know, because my dad, and he just, uh, my dad worshipped prior. He had Bob Newhart records and, uh, great tapes too. Yeah. So I, I, um, I think those were like my two biggest influences as a kid. And then my family's from Washington DC and my uncle did open mic nights for one year in 1978. I'm 11 years old. My dad took me to see my uncle perform at this open mic night and it was a club called L. Brookman's in DC. And the

entrance was next to the stage. The show's in progress. We walk in. I'm wearing a Washington Redskins jacket. The comedian on stage pulls me on stage and he starts interviewing me like I'm the coach of the Redskins. And I'm like, I'm 11. I'm some bashful, dopey kid. I give, you know, it's a great bit though. One word answers. Yes. No. Right. But I'll never forget standing on that stage and seeing all those happy people with their heads thrown back and laughter and all the teeth in their mouth. And that moment changed my life. And I, you know, and I just, I can, I can still picture it, you know, it's, you know, you know, black people, Latin people, white people, like Asian people, just the flavors of humanity. And I just thought that that was the most magical

place in the world to stand on stage making people laugh. So I became a student of comedy after that and would keep notebooks. And then I started when I was 17 with a fake ID. Yeah, you still have all your comedy. Like you, like your, your apartment, first of all, it's cool as shit. It's also like this, uh, it's the Smithsonian of your life. And he has his dad's helmet from Vietnam when he was shot down, the one that he was wearing. Um, I got chills looking at that thing. Yeah. Like that's like, uh, imagine when he was wearing that. Yes. And you had told me the story as we were sitting there smoking a wonderful cigar. Uh, and you told me the story and then to, and you were like, I still have the helmet. And I was like, oh, wow, man, I couldn't believe

it. And then to walk in and see it. And after, and just the heaviness of it. Once there's like a story attached to it. Like if you just got a helmet and it was like, yeah, this is like, uh, you know, some memorabilia thing. This is, and you have to wonder what happened to actually know what happened while that thing was, I mean, I'm into that type of shit. Like I got that weird thing of like, um, if I know this story behind it, which is why I have to be careful because I'll, I'll just fill my house up with a bunch of shit like that. And then I have all this fucking anxiety that I have no place to set anything down. You know, I kind of had this thing because I kind of grew up with semi hoarders that just would not fucking throw anything out, you know, 40 years

of magazines and shit. Um, no, that's the cool thing about, you know, I had everything in storage for 10 years. I just traveled the world. I decided not to live anywhere. Do you think and so that's why I got to preserve all these great things. You know, but do you, do you think your dad being in Vietnam and then you learning about that? Is that how you got the travel bug to the level you did? You're on like some Tom Broca level shit here. Maybe. And my mother's from Argentina. Um, so I don't know. I mean, I had performed everywhere in the United States, you know, 20, 30 times and I wanted to branch out. Um, but, but, but, but back to Vietnam. I mean, that was a really special thing for me

to go there and I filmed this hour special called Viva Vietnam for Comedy Central. It was like a travel log type of thing. Um, did the Jane Fonda workout tape in Hanoi with some old women in a park, went to Da Nang, China Beach, set up a slip slide. So fill in the young people about why Jane Fonda is funny for that. Vietnam veterans hate Jane Fonda's guts. Still to this day veterans, um, at those Vietnam reunions my dad would go to, they still sell the Jane Fonda, um, urine, uh, the thing for like a urinal guard with her picture on it. You know what I'm doing? Urinal cake? Yeah. Yeah. Well, uh, no, like the little plastic thing. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Um,

and they have her face on the Vietnam war. Jane Fonda goes to Hanoi, the, um, uh, the capital of the people we're having a war with and she's anti-war and, and, and they took pictures of her on like anti-aircraft, um, artillery and, and then she met the POWs and one of them slipped her a note and then she apparently, if I remember the story correctly, she gave that to the Vietnamese prison guards and the guy who's tortured extra for, um, slipping her a note. Oh god, that's fine. That has to be the ultimate, uh, stupid celebrity moment. Yeah. Where you're, you're just so like, you know, sucking the dick of your own fucking ego that you, you go and do something like that to just, well, I think being against the war is okay. That's fine. You go to the capital

and I've watched enough war movies that my heart would be in my fucking throat. The second you get the note, you're like, do I got to put this under my tongue and put it up my ass? Like, what do I got to do? Yeah, I got to do it. I know this is like some top secret shit here. Yeah. Um, but so in, in 1990, we filmed, excuse me, guard. He met you fucking bitch. This man slipped me a note. Um, he'll need extra bamboo under his fingernails. Uh, so September 94, we filmed it and like Americans, it was only like vets that went there. Like it hadn't become like a tourist place yet. So, and this park in Hanoi, uh, old women would gather and do Tai Chi in the morning. So at the time in, in 94, begin early nineties, Jane Fonda was

making these exercise tapes and we set up a television with a VCR and we brought the tape and 1994 technology, we had to run an extension cord, like five blocks to, to, to set this up in the park. And these old women loved it. They took to it and they started doing it. And she goes, I'll turn to, she goes, now turn to the right. And I'll say, I, I'll say she turned to the right. Did you, did you see, uh, can you imagine her fucking agent when he, she was telling him that I'm going to go to North Vietnam. He's just sitting that, Jane, I've worked so hard with you to get you to this level. I'm imploring you not to do this. Oh, Murray. It's like a bad, bad, uh, Mary Tyler more, more episode. Um, God, what a fuck. He's sort of like the first Dennis Rodman

like when, by the time Dennis did it, it was just, just been so much, but first of all, they didn't have our guys, you know, in, in P and W camps. Yeah. And, uh, well, I mean, you know, um, what was that guy's name? Otto Wormbeer. It was a guy that I have no clue who that is. Did he play for the Bengals? I'm the only one who remembers this guy's name. I think he was from Chicago. He was there. He went to North Korea on vacation a few years ago, and he stole a banner out of the basement of a hotel. Yeah. And they sent him, sent, they sentenced him to, you know, hard labor for life. And then a year later, they sent him back as a vegetable. Yeah. He was in a coma. Yeah. And he died. Yeah. And he died. It was a heartbreaking story. So yeah, he went up,

that he went in there like, yeah, he took that post or whatever, which is, you know, something you don't do. I remember somebody on, on, on the internet was like a classic example of white privilege. Oh my God. It's just like, do you, even this, you have to turn into that. Yeah. Can't we all just be like, wow, that's somebody's son. Yeah. You know, can't you just do that? Do you have to turn it into like a fucking hashtag, uh, social justice, whatever, fucking moment. Everyone's being dehumanized. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. That was one of those things. But my mother can't understand why anybody would go to Vietnam on vacation. They killed so many of our, she knew so many people that died, you know? And I went back in 2014.

Hanoi was my favorite. It's French tree-lined boulevards. It's really, uh, the lake that John McCain was shot down in, uh, in the whole town. Now has swan boats. Now has, now has swan pedal boats. No, it doesn't. I told you that. Did you tell me that? I did tell you that. I was just using my Boston background. Yeah. You can rent couples go there and rent swan paddle boats. See, that's why I don't watch people stand up specials. Because things stick in your head. I forget because I was sitting in, oh, I'm going to throw in the swan joke thing from, uh, when I got back. So I went in 2014, this English guy who runs the gig there in Hanoi also gives motorcycle tours of the North, uh, in Vietnam. So I went back April of this year

and, um, I went on this. It was my, my dream to go on this motorcycle journey. And we were 45 miles north of Hanoi, going up a mountain, uh, little winding road. And the bike went out from under me and I wrecked. I wasn't saying how good a rider are you? It was the fourth time I've been on a motorcycle and I've been afraid of motorcycles my whole life. So it was something I wanted to do to break my fear. And, uh, I was wearing a helmet. My head bounced off the road, but I was fine and, uh, took a lot of skin off my elbow. But you didn't think it just taken the safety course out here? Were you right around a parking lot? My wife's brother, my wife is from Holland and her brother teaches motorcycle lessons in Rotterdam. So last summer when I was

in Rotterdam visiting her family, uh, he took me out and, and he, and I did that in the parking lot. Oh, okay. So I did. Then how long between that and then just riding up a fucking mountain in Vietnam? Uh, what, eight, 10 months later? Yeah, I do. That's, that's, that's it. I took my ground school and, uh, didn't fly again. And eight months later, I decided to fly. I had a wreck on a dirt bike when I was 14 and I like tore a tendon in my arm and I missed a baseball season, which was a big deal when you're 14. And, uh, and then I didn't, when I lived in Amsterdam and I had the, uh, worked for this Dutch travel show for a year, I got to do a highlight on Peru. And we went to the Nazca lines, you know, those lines that people think are alien landing strips. They weren't

discovered until the 1920s. That shit on that cover, that Zeppelin box set? You're talking about, he's not a really dumb guy here, dude. I don't, I don't, that's weird. You're like talking English, but half of the shit you're saying, I don't, I don't know what that is. I'm just, this is taking me back to high school where I'm just like, there's these desert drawings and they weren't discovered until the 1920s when aircraft was first flying over Peru and one's a condor, one's a monkey, and then there, it looks like these landing strips in between it. And, um, yeah, why would you make it like that if everyone didn't know how to fly back then, right? Is that what they, they asked? It's like a thousand years old. It's how could they have done it unless aliens helped them?

Maybe, just maybe. That's the theory. They developed some sort of hot air balloon before anybody else and then they all perished in some sort of, uh, plague and they're, you know, everything was biodegradable back then. How are you going to find their hot air balloon? It doesn't always have to be aliens, does it? Yeah. I used to do a line years ago that the Incas did cocaine. I guess that explains why they were building UFO landing strips in the desert all night. Tell me about a couple of things I want to ask. One of my favorite podcast episodes ever was the one that you did with the late great John Foxx, who was, I never met him, but I heard all of the stories. He was like, um, road viking. I mean, he, like every, he created the cliches. Like he was

kind of like, uh, like, I don't know, the Elvis or like, you know, the early days of rock and roll, where there was no, you know, go out and go create it and create what the fuck this is going to be. And he kind of did that as far as every fucking cliche now, um, that guy was and listening to that podcast with him, because I'd only heard of him. And I never really, you know, there's all these short little clips of him on the internet, just to get like an hour and hour and 10 minutes, however long it is of him telling stories and then just hearing the stories in his voice. Like that crazy laugh he had. Oh my God. Oh my God. Like, uh, amazing. How did you get, like everybody on my buddy, Paul Versey met him and was like, man, that guy was,

he was a fucking sweetheart and Versey met him right towards the end. And he actually, they're working like Milwaukee or something. And he watched his set and actually gave a couple of tags and encouraged him and all of that. And I don't know if he was sick yet, but, um, he just was, oh man, he was like the nicest guy and all of that type of stuff. So I'm so glad that you did that episode. But how did you get to meet John? I worked with him when I was really young. I think I was, I was 19 when I worked with him in Jacksonville, Florida. There used to be a punchline there. It was a great room. And I used to do the comedy zone down there. This was way before that. You know, the Atlanta punchline and the, in the boom in the late 80s, there was

punchline comedy clubs all over the South. And the one in Jacksonville was one of the best. And the guys that owned it, it was like four guys. And then they all got like Mercedes and BMWs. And then they're raking in so much money, they moved it to a bigger venue. They had like 150 seat room, then they moved it to a 500 seat room. And the place was never the same. And then it went out of business. But at one time that was like one of the, it was one of the greatest clubs in the South. So I worked with him. And, you know, John Fox was legendary for kind of being a womanizer, coke freak, booze hound, all that. And I think he liked me because I could drink heavily. And I was relatively cute and, you know, would attract some ladies. So he still had, he was on one of the

first, right, right. That is, that is next level, like getting pussy where it's just, that remind me of Pedro Martinez when he lost the heat on his fastball. So he developed a couple other pitches and he was able to stay in the league at a high level. So he's sitting there crushing ass because he was a good looking guy when he was young, right? Blonde hair had the mullet, which was the look, the whole Miami vice look he could pull up was crushing ass. And then all of a sudden he starts, you know, loses a little heat on his fastball. He's like, is it good? You're looking young fella. I'll bring him along. That'll keep bringing the ladies up to the light here. That's the thing people don't, don't think of when they think of him. When he, he was on one of those early Rodney

Dangerfield young comedian specials and he looked like a California surfer guy. He would blonde hair, but he, tan, he's tan, great shape. The whole thing. And then he got older and pudgy and he looked like an older white guy alcoholic dude. So the life caught up with him. He helped me get in. He loved me. And he helped me get in with Chicago Zanies, where he was the man. You know, that was his hometown. He was from Waukegan, Illinois, but he was Mr. Chicago. So he gets me work with him in Chicago, booked like three weeks, the downtown room and a couple of the suburban rooms for a couple of weeks. I'm 19. I'd never been to Chicago. And it was sold out every night. And he was the man. Seika, one of his porn star came and he took me to the Blues Brothers at a bar. I remember

doing cocaine after hours off the, the pinball machine. He took me, he took me to a Cubs game. He took you under his wing. He took me under his wing, but it was great. I mean, you know, I had only been on comedy for two years and I'm in Chicago playing and sold out rooms, opening for this guy. But he took me to see the Cubs. And he was, he was kind of a Chicago celebrity back then. And he was buddies with Steve Stone. And he actually took me up. We got to go up into the booth when Harry Carey saying, take me out to the ball game. And like Harry Carey's like, you know, half in the bag leaning out the window and they had to hold his belt so he didn't fall out. I mean, who led a better life than that guy gets to announce baseball while he's just

catching a buzz. And everybody's thought it was hilarious that he was like, he was literally drunk. Yeah, on the, yeah, in the afternoon here. So, so I mean, you know, John Fox was really nice to me and I knew him through the years. And then trials and tribulations and bad relationships and years of booze and excess. It was kind of sad. But I mean, he was kind of the cautionary tale of, you know, you don't want to be this road guy who is just chasing women and partying and stuff forever because it it was really a sad end for that guy. And then he lived in the apartment building next door to the apartment where the Zanies puts the comedians in Chicago. It's an old town. And there's the

old town ale house, which I remember him taking me there. And all these that area in the in the late 80s was great. I'm a kid and it was, you know, it was so much fun. And then he was kind of like sad, lonely drunk guy at the old town ale house towards the end. What was towards the end? Like, when did it start becoming? When did it sort of shift where the industry wasn't he stopped getting work? And, and I was in the 90s. No, I can't remember. Right. I can't remember a year I did that recording with him. I don't think it was the 90s because when I was no, no, it was after early 1000s. Yeah, because when I was in the 90s, when I was starting to get out there on the road, it was, I would hear legendary stories about him. And then everywhere I had just been,

it seemed Doug Stanhope was there and had some sort of debauchery in the fucking green room. And I remember the first time I met Doug Stanhope, you know, I instantly loved the guy. But before I met him, I was like, who the fuck is this Stanhope guy? What the fuck can he, you know, do all this shit outside of the goddamn comedy condo? And, but I would always hear like, oh my God, the Atlanta punchline. They used to have stories. I don't know. There's a couple of guys who are still alive. So I don't want to fucking put this shit out there. But there was like, a couple of guys on that Mount Rushmore of like, the waitstaff would be so excited that they were coming to town. And after like, maybe a night and a half,

like that Sunday night show seemed like three years away. And they were just like, I don't think I'm going to make it because there was those guys that came to town. And they just, they were like this Pied Piper and the entire fucking waitstaff, they had this charisma, all the bartenders, the club owners, they, he would just take them on a crawl night after night after fucking night. And like, I mean, I, this other guy that I know of, who I'm not going to mention his name, like he had a nickname and all that. And he would pick up the phone and he would just, he would say a name like Tom, you're like, yeah, he'd be like, it's so and so. And the running joke was you would just scream in horror, knowing that he was coming to

town. He was going to stay with you and that you guys were going to be hitting a bottle or two. Every, it would be like trying to keep up with Lemmy. Some of these guys, it reminds me of someone like the Lemmy motorhead stories that you hear of him. So. Yeah. But when you don't have the albums and the following to fall back on, like, I remember the thing, John Fox, when he was still like, sir, for a good looking guy, I remember he would walk by the waitress station and he would go, he would just announce, fuck me before I'm famous. He would say that out loud to the, to the, he never would have survived the meat who moved. Oh my God. No. But so when he was so towards the end, and you know, and I

always had a soft spot in the from my heart for the guy because he helped me when I was a young comedian. And so I did that interview with him. And the thing that stands out for me on that interview that I did with him. Oh, so there was there was one when it when it got sad for him. I remember there was some turbulent relationship he was in and and he was falling apart. And as as an alcoholic and he's in this terrible relationship and the girl had scratched his face like really bad. And so he had all these scratch marks on his face. And there was a story in Atlanta about him breaking down on stage and crying and just some really sad stories and shit that happened to him. But the thing that stands out, it's a fucking movie. Yeah. The thing that

stands out for me about that interview was that he still believed in love. He's talking about and he had been through all this shit in his life. And you know, he's he's older, pudgy alcoholic guy past his prime. And he's still talking about love. And it's like raging bull. But the stand up version like an arrow back in the day, he could have played John Fox, like the John Fox story. It's the same thing. And in the end, he ends up doing stand up in raging bull. Yeah, Jesus Christ. Well, you you cleaned up your act how long ago? I've been sober for almost five years. That's fucking amazing. I've been I finally kind of cleaned up my act. I don't like I don't think I would ever not do it again. But like I drank like

the last day of June. And then I drank August 7. And I'm not going to drink again till October. Now I sort of drink like the way I smoke cigars. Or I should say the way I would like to smoke cigars, which I you know, a couple times a month or every other month or something like that. You know, I'm I'm trying like, you know, I got a kid. I'm a super old fucking dad to have a kid. So it's just like, I have to fucking be around until this, my kid has it figured out. Every warrior needs to move on to wise men. Yeah, well, I can't be out pound in it. And one of the greatest things that ever happened to me was giving up the booze. And I mean, and I feasted from the banquet of life. You know, I I mean, I lived in Amsterdam, you know,

hosted a talk show over there in London. You would like the Dave Letterman of your show for two years on Dutch television. But you know, I went through some pretty hardcore tragedies. My dad, who I adored, was killed by a drunk driver in 2009. Through the irony of that, when you see that helmet, that surviving Vietnam, all of that in the metals and all that, and then just some jackass in Anaheim, which, you know, we've all fucking done. So I can't put like, it's just fucking unbelievable. And then my little sister, who I was really close with died of breast cancer in 2011. My wife and I actually got married at her hospital bedside the day before she died of cancer, because I didn't want her to miss it.

So that was 2011. So 2012, 2013, I had stopped drinking for pleasure. I was just like numbing myself because I was so heartbroken. And then January 1, 2014, in Philadelphia, I blacked out and busted my head open. And the next I got like six ditches on my forehead. I had a black eye. The next day I looked in the mirror and I saw so much ugliness. And I knew I knew that you know, that was the moment when you look. Yeah, I mean, I had been thinking about it. And I just thought the main, I mean, vanity was was a big reason, because I saw so much ugliness in the mirror. But also I knew it was holding me back as a comedian. I knew I could be a better comedian if I stopped drinking every night. And

you know, and I didn't go to any meetings, which people always get offended when I say that. But I just I just had enough. And the first the first couple weeks, you know, you're a little little bumpy, but you know, you can get through it. Just picture you looking in the mirror with your black eye in the cut and just being like, All right, you win. Yeah, you win. I'm not fucking doing this. Well, what happened was I looked in the mirror and I just thought I want to go one year when I looked in the mirror, what I said to myself was I want to go one year and see what it's like not being drunk every night to be to see what I could get done. And I got so much done writing jokes and you know, working on my book and different projects and stuff.

I that that's what made me stick. Yeah. Well, mine, I haven't a kid now, too. It's like every dad told me, oh, yeah, have a kid that'll that'll curb your drinking because they don't give a shit or have any sort of concept of what being hung over is. Yeah. And they wake up with like they're they're on a full tank. Like the whole body is brand new. Nothing hurts. And they're ready to just it's just like they get right in your face. He's yelling and shit. And it's just like it's actually, you know, I'm finding if I'm going to go out and do stand up, I have to make that I have to be out the door by eight o'clock eight oh five. I'm going to fall asleep. It's just one of those things like she gets up at like a quarter to seven in the morning. And that happened to me

last night where I was like, I'm going to go out. I think it was actually I was going to go see Mission Impossible because I want to watch Tom Cruise speaking at helicopters flying that helicopter. And I just oh, the next showing isn't until 10 or 10 30. And I knew I was like, I'm going to fall asleep in the middle of Mission Impossible Tom Cruise action summer action movie. I am so fucking tired. I'm going to fall asleep. So plus I want to take my knee along to go see it and like I max get the whole thing before the whole experience before it goes away. So let me see. Let's let's promote. So you're going to be in Mongolia. What else do you got? Like I don't know if I have any listeners there. That was such a great story about how supportive the comics were because

I did a gig in India and like most of the crowd was comedians. I was so happy that I didn't realize that because I would have been like intimidated like God, they're all going to be like, what's the next joke structure? And afterwards we all hung out and it was like it was weird. It was like I was hanging at a comedy club on the other side of the world in like total their code, but it was the exact same fucking questions. Did you write on stage? Do you do that? Yeah. Don't you think this guy's overrated? They would say shit like that. I was like, Oh my God, it's the exact same fucking guys. They're probably over there emulating your gestures and stuff because they hung out. No, but I actually do what I found was people in India are fucking hilarious. They're just they're

a they're it's kind of that same vibe of like when you go to Ireland and Scotland when you just meet like, yeah, I mean, that's why I love the most about comedy, the, you know, the fraternity of it, you know, yeah, they're like people in Australia funny. They're just fucking funny. I don't know what it is. And then other places you go, I'm not going to mention as I don't want to shit on any, you just go and they're just like these people are polite. And then you go to these other places, it's just like you just is the second you walk into the airport, you just start seeing characters, you're like, All right, this is gonna be a good show. These people are cool. So I'm so glad you went to that, that, um, store in Paris and on your podcast, you wouldn't give the name of it. Oh,

yeah. Because I turned you on to it. Well, I didn't, I didn't want this picture. You're standing in line emails. Sorry. What's the name of that Patisserie? Because I was picturing you going there the next time standing in this line, you know, you're all excited, like that fucking asshole bill sitting on his podcast. I'm going to stand in, but, but there's already the word is kind of people already know. And when people come up to me, I tell them like, like what it is. And I actually like the sandwiches better. The sandwiches are amazing. And remember what I, what I told you when I tell everybody, get one of the sandwiches, because they're incredible. And then buy one for later from when you're walking around Paris and you think to yourself, damn, I wish I'd have bought

a, another sandwich for later. Yeah. And it doesn't overdo it. It doesn't. It just makes you want to keep going back. So, um, you know, a lot of that mission impossible I heard is in Paris shot in Paris. Yeah. I got to check that out, but I keep trying to get to your dates here. Okay. I'm sorry. All right. You play the funny bone in Mongolia. No, no, no, no. It's called the UB, uh, Ulan Batar is called, uh, they call it UB city. So it's the U, UB city comedy club. Um, okay. So check out the schedule I have for the rest of the year. Uh, August 22nd, um, in Ulan Batar, Mongolia, August 24th, I'm in Beijing, China, August 25th, Shanghai, August 30th through September 2nd, um, at Levity live in West Nyack, New York. Are you driving to these gigs? No. Wait, you're

doing, so you're doing this quick little, it's, that's not even Southeast Asia. That's, that's Yeah. No, I did Southeast Asia in April. Of course. Um, the, this is a Maharaji butterflies these couple of gigs so I could have an excuse to go back to Mongolia and summer and, and check it out. You know, so September 4th through the 9th. I'm at Zany's in Chicago, uh, 12th through the 16th. I'm in Rosemont at Zany's September 27th through September 30th. I'm at the punchline in Atlanta. I love that place. October 4th. I'm in Porto, Portugal doing a comedy festival as you do. October 6th, Lisbon, October 12th and 13th, Paris, the 16th through the 20th is Oslo, the 25th through the 29th. Those are funny fucking people. I love Oslo. Yeah. It's great. They're,

they're, they're fun fucking people. I think it's my favorite place in Scandinavia. Uh, 25th through the 29th, uh, Galway, Ireland doing that comedy festival. And that's your, that's your, if you could live anywhere in the world, you told me that. I would live in Galway. Yeah. It's one of my favorite places in the world. Uh, the 31st is Dublin, November 1st is Belfast, November 3rd, Berlin, November. This is why you're such a fucking interesting guy. You're one of the most interesting people I've ever met because how do you not, you know, well, I guess there are moth-breathing morons that could travel this way and mouth, mouth breathing. Sorry. We would fucking, uh, in their worldview wouldn't fucking change, but yours does.

Thankfully I'm interrupting here. Continue. What else? Uh, yeah. Well, you know, I was trying to make that show where I would be the Anthony Bourdain of comedy, um, but whatever, maybe November 8th to the 11th. I'm at the improv in Addison, the November 12th through 18, Las Vegas, uh, November 23rd through 27, Tokyo, Japan. Dude, who the fuck puts your road dates together? I'm at the improv in Pittsburgh. I'm actually really excited about it. My wife, Ashna, I've never been to Pittsburgh. So, um, she used to travel with me everywhere and now she's selective where she wants to go. She wants to go to Pittsburgh because we've never seen it.

Oh, I can tell you, you got to get, there was a primanis. You got to get one of their sandwiches. Yeah. Their Italian section with all the, uh, the Gabagool and all that shit. Joe Bartnick and Verzi brought me through there. Oh, they, they went and got it through. Pittsburgh is one of the, uh, great cities this country has. It's one of the great combat cities in America. I've never put perform one of the go, go to a pirates game. That view with the bridges, it's, it's unbelievable. It's one of my favorite cities. And when you come from the airport, it's the greatest skyline you're going to see because it's not like you see it. It just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

You can't see it at all. And then you drive through like this fucking hill, this tunnel, and then you come out and just, boom, it's this panoramic. It was like all of these bridges. There's the ballparks and everything to the left. Heinz Field, uh, um, what, what, what, what, what, pirates play? It's going to say pack bell. It's what the giants used to play. I forget what the fuck they call it. They change them every year. And then, uh, then the skyscrapers and all, they, they just, there's so much to do there. The food is unbelievable. And the, uh, you should be like Willie Stargill. You should give out little stars for comedians that, uh, never, he used to do that. What do what? Willie Stargill in 1979. Uh-huh. Uh, they called him

Pops. Yeah. And they had those, those flat hats back then. Yep. The old, and he used to give out little stars to the, his teammates that he thought whenever they did something great. Oh, all right. So in the back of their hats, they had all these stars. Do you remember that? Yeah, vaguely. Kent, I think it was like a really cool thing about the, I saw him one of the last time, one of his last public experience, Kent, the sidearm throw. No appearances. Uh, I saw, uh, yeah, but I saw Willie Stargill. When he was old, he was sick. You could tell he was dying. And I was at, uh, three Rivers Stadium and I was watching, uh, the Cubs versus the pirates and Sammy Sosa was still out in right field. He still looked Cuban. You know, before, have you seen him now?

No, he's whiter than you said. Oh yeah. No, yeah. Um, there was some big story about him. Yeah. I read recently. Yeah. He's, oh, he's living in Dubai and he's, um, he looks, yeah, he looks like John Fox. Yep. Now that's what Sammy Sosa looks like. Okay. So, uh, yeah, what, Pittsburgh, November 29th through December 2nd. I don't think the pirates will be playing then. Okay. And then, um, December 10th through the 17th, I'm in Israel. I'm doing this Israel tour. And then. Where haven't you been? December 20th through the 22nd. I'm at the Improv in Orlando. Madagascar? What do we got? I've never been. Antarctica? What are we? I've never, the only, I've not, the only continents I have not performed on is Africa and Antarctica.

Okay. Yeah. Dude, there's got to be some sort of expedition. So the, the, uh, putting that out there right now, the comedy igloo as soon as that opens when the, uh, yeah, the 40th anniversary of the thing when they, when they all go down there, you got to, uh, you got to get that thing. I think I'm going to dial back the international travel next year. Well, I, well, how I do it is I, I, I'm overdue to go, go to Australia and I just sort of like, as I get the new hour, I just have it in my head where, what hour I did the last time I was there. And I always go and, and, uh, have a great time. It's a lot weirder now that I have a kid. So we set up this east. I love Australia. It's a Sydney's one of my favorite cities in the

world. All of those cities are great. Brisbane, Melbourne, Perth. Yeah. I came to Perth on Australia. They fucking lunatics. Who knew the El Camino was still popular? So popular. They love those fucking things. Yeah. That, uh, what's that? I feel what they call it. It's a, I remember going to Australia for the first time. I'm like, what kind of cars that there's this, this automobile brand called Holden and they still make those, uh, El Camino looking cars. They're great. Yeah. And people get more fucking shit faced, drive it all around. I've told you this shit. I said, I went to Bond Scott's grave and some, I went to Bond Scott's grave. Somebody had a Miller genuine draft bottle on there and I wanted to remove it, but I was like, oh, out of respect for the person

that put it there. I had bond probably would have drank it even to get a fuck. Yeah. But, um, all right, let's, uh, let's wrap this up here. So I just got to say you, you're one of my favorite people, one of my favorite comedians. And, uh, this has been one of the best podcasts I've done as far as just like fascinating fucking story. I mean, everything we had life, death here. What do you say? Heroic behavior, heroism. Is that a word? Heroism, heroism. Yeah. I've been to a lot of countries too, and it just doesn't seem to stick on. Man, I, uh, thanks for having me on man. I, uh, you're one of my favorite people to hang out with. Every time you and I get together and we just like hang out as buddies, I always get material out of it. You know, I was telling you

that story about, uh, because I pronounced so many words incorrectly. I was just gonna say, I can't imagine how many, how many fucking countries I've been to and I still sound like I've never left my block. I mean, it's just so great. Um, I was telling you about arguing with my wife, because she wants me to clean the toilet and like, I don't, I don't want to clean the toilet. And, um, you know, a lot of thoughts go through my head during the day, you know, watching movies, sleep on the couch, call a friend, cleaning the toilet is not one of them. And we live in an apartment building. So this is what it's like to argue in an apartment building. You make a valid point. Now lower your voice. Because I don't want everybody in my building

knowing my business. I'm in the laundry room, folding clothes, some guy walks in there. I know you, you're the dude who don't clean the toilet. So like, I've been doing that for, I've just started doing that like in the last two weeks. And that comes from having a conversation with you on my balcony smoking cigarette or cigars. Well, cause yeah, you're one of those guys, you're always spitting out material and you don't realize it. You got to do that. Don't waste that on me. You better do that on stage. Yeah. I used to get an argument. Me and Neil were still living in an apartment. We used to, uh, she didn't give a fuck as she calls it. She's passionate. So, um, this is when she would occasionally throw shit at me or punch me in the chest.

This is back her younger, wilder days. And I remember, uh, we would get into, and I would lose so many arguments because she didn't give a fuck about volume. And I would always be going like, all right, dude, you made your point. You don't got to have the whole fucking world know about it. That's it. They get loud. She would just be like, I don't give a fuck. So then what's worse is you start whispering. So only your shit is coming out and all the neighbors are like, Oh my God, he's horrible. He's not even arguing. She's so fucking right. That's where they get you when they get loud on you. Well, anyways, uh, so great that you finally came on, finally got you on. I think it's cause we also love smoking cigars and telling stories. So it's like, why would we

have a podcast? Get in the way of that. Um, um, um, so glad you came on. You got to, uh, promote your dates here. So go see him in Mongolia. If not, you can see him in Pittsburgh, Atlanta, Nyak, West Nyak, yes, Orlando. Yes. You know, I still, I still play everywhere all over the states too, you know, and you have a great like, I majored in like radio communication, where you got a great radio. I wish somebody would give me a voice over gigs. Huh? You know, this town is, you got to take it. Um, running through the grass on my tippy toes. There you go. Definitely check him out. He's going to be everywhere. And if he's going to travel that fucking far, you can travel a little bit to go see him. Uh, the great Tom Rhodes, everybody.

Thank you so much for coming on. Here's a little music for you. And then we get, we have a bonus half hour of, uh, greatest hits from a Thursday afternoon podcast from earlier this year or years ago. I don't know. I don't decide. All right. Have a great weekend, you cunts. And I'll talk to you on Monday. You