Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-19-21

Episode Date: August 19, 2021

Bill rambles with the One Man Thrillride about wrestling, depressing news, and shitty promoters.

Warm things up this spring with a trip to Cerrillas, where romance finds fantasy. While flowers are blooming outside, bring them inside with a hugely popular rose toy from NS Noveltees. Described as small but mighty, the rose is 25% off this month at Cerrillas, along with all NS Noveltees. Afterwards slip into something as sexy as you're feeling with a huge selection of lingerie in petite to plus size. Shop Cerrillas in Indianapolis with six area locations and in Anderson. Or shop online anytime at Cerrillas.com. Alright, hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for a very special episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And when I say I have a special episode, that means I have a special guest and I have had a lot of special guests over the years here on this podcast.

But I don't think anybody gets more special than this guy. Local legend, the greatest professional wrestler to come out of the New England area. Please welcome Thrilly Dilly, the one man thrill ride to the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. What's going on? What's up, Bill? It's been a long time since we hung out and like this Me Too movement, man. It's changed a lot of things. It's nice going in hot. Yeah, absolutely. At this Me Too movement, like I have this new mandatory policy, right?

Anytime I meet up with one of my bumble breezes and bring them back to the smash factory for, you know, a 25 minute thunder clap session. All sexual activity needs to be filmed in full 8K to confirm consent. And it's an awkward conversation, but don't get me wrong. I have like a 10 terabyte hard drive that would put bang bros out of business. Shout out to my exes. Yup, that was easy. All right, so there you go. That's going to be the energy that we're going to be coming with here. We're going to plow ahead here, you know.

One of the great characters. I got to tell you something. I first discovered you on the internet when you were doing your baseball promos. Yes. Talking about your laser light show, rounded second base while your girlfriend's looking at me. Yeah. Yeah, you got to suck it in chest. I could eat a bowl of soup out of or cereal or something like that. I was just like, who the hell is this guy? And just as a comedian and a fan of wrestlers and the over the top personalities, I immediately became a fan.

So I am thrilled to have the thrill right here on my podcast. I appreciate it, Bill. And that's the one thing that we hung out at Ruff and Rowdy. And since then, like the pandemic hit, I mentioned the terabyte hard drive. You know, I have 2,569 hours of explosive sexual content. And during the pandemic, I had an opportunity to isolate and go through each and every scene and put them into distinct categories. Like for instance, like squirters, which of course are all of them. Shout out to my exes. So I didn't get them on that one.

No, I'm fascinated by your life that you live in here. Yeah. The thrill right can go for a while, huh? I think so. I mean, the way I wrestle, I'm a retro guy. I'm a retro electro guy. That's my theme music. I used to have the absolute savage look. Now I'm Miami Vice because that's, that's more who I am. I watched those Austin A&E documentaries about, you know, it starts off, it was so captivating.

He goes, you know, what's the difference between Steve Austin and Stone Cold? He's like, well, the difference between Steve Austin and Stone Cold. And then he pauses like, shit son, I don't know the difference. So I'm like, that's where I'm at. I'm just being myself now, you know. So. Okay. Favorite car from the 80s when you were coming up. Oh God.

Am I going too far back? Because I'm old as shit. Yeah. I was born in 84. Oh, 84. Fuck, all right. Favorite car in the 90s. So you were born in the 80s.

I was born in the 80s. Yeah. You're wearing the hat. Looks like Miami Vice like two years after you were born. So how did that happen? Older brother? No, no. I was the oldest in the family.

I was just, I always loved old school wrestling. I grew up in Fox, bro. Well, I grew up in Mansfield, moved over to Fox, bro. I lived with my uncle Joe and my grandmother for a little while. And like, he was a die-hard wrestling fan. You know, every single pay-per-view that was on VHS. So like, I got into wrestling watching like the 80s stuff. Oh, wow.

Yeah, so. Now did you ever go? Yeah. So the whole, I wrote that, I wrote a movie and the opening scene is, you know, tickets to the Survivor Series in 1993, which was in the last pay-per-view in the Boston Garden. The Survivor Series. Wow. Yeah.

And then I went to the 2000 King of the Rank tournament when Kurt Angle won it and the Rock won the belt. And then this week, and I worked with Kurt Angle and drove. Did you really? Yeah. Well, sort of. So I introduced him. It was probably the loudest pop I've ever heard in pro wrestling when he came out and

I was in the center of the ring for it. He was one of my heroes growing up. So it was a real cool experience. But if you know anything about wrestling, what they don't teach you in wrestling school is, it's more important to get Kurt Angle to the airport in time than it is to have a good segment with him. So I'm in the car, right? I got Sergeant Slaughter in the front seat and Kurt Angle in the back seat.

The all-American meat missile driving. It was the most American car ride in the history of professional wrestling. We're in traffic from New Jersey trying to get to the New York airport. And I pull into the frickin' hotel in Kurt Angle. And we're having a great conversation, Kurt and I. And then all of a sudden, he's like, it's kind of sudden piss. He's like, dude, I'm supposed to go to the airport. It was like a miscommunication.

Oh, no. I was like, shit. He's like, fuck, man, we've got to go. I was like, I do not want nuclear. I got the more heat with everybody in pro wrestling, like the last thing I want is heat with Kurt Angle. So I'm like, Sarge, I need your brother. And like, Sarge, I have no worries.

I know how to get there. I've been in this city 700 times. You know what I mean? Like, thank God for Sergeant Slaughter. He's like, kind of guiding me. We got Kurt there in time. But, you know, they don't tell you that in wrestling school. What is it like riding in the car with those two guys?

I mean, those are the two guys you grew up watching. I remember Sergeant Slaughter from way back. What was his? His wasn't the Cobra Clutch, was it? I think it was the Cobra Clutch. The Cobra Clutch is his finish and move. Yeah, everybody had like that big finish and move. He was one of the legends.

But then he used the Sheik's move, the Camel Clutch, when he turned heel against America during the Iraq War. He used the Camel Clutch. So, yeah, he was evil. I know, but that was a great storyline. It was an unbelievable storyline. So, I don't know. There's a lot of wrestling now, like Roman Reigns.

You know, he's like the best wrestler in the world. He calls himself, he doesn't just call himself, he is the head of the table. Like, I don't know anything about that, but I do know something about head at the table, because I'm the guy bringing blowies back to the business of professional wrestling. I don't know how I don't have a job,

because I'll go out there, I'll lose first. I want to be on first. Everybody else wants to steal the show. I want to go on first. We'll crush it. I'm going to the bar on a solo-dolo mission, okay? If I take the sunnies off and flash the baby blues across the bar, break out the wet floor signs,

because she's going to be sweating like a, you know what I mean? She's just going to be pouring sweat. The baby blue laser show, it's over. The chicks are all going to come over. Fellas, you're welcome for the house. Come on over. Once the show is over,

you can hang out with them, because those eights are low-grade hot. I got a New York Giants cheerleader, sitting in the Marriott, waiting to receive an injection of genetic perfection, and ride the meat missile into outer space. Shout out to my exes, available on one-minutethrillride.com.

Give me your money, puppets. I don't understand. My exes probably all think that I'm talking about them, and I'm talking about all of them. Yeah. Ex-employers, ex-friends, everybody who didn't believe in me, I'm throwing up the shocker,

because I can't throw up the middle finger. So tell me, but you are actually to the point, right? You have an amazing story, which I'm actually interested in. You said you wrote a script. I'd love to see that thing get made, but. Yeah. Of you, basically you came out of high school, you immediately went into wrestling.

Yep. And then you got out, you did the baseball thing, we had Bridgewater. Fitchberg State. Fitchberg State, sorry. Jesus Christ, I'm gonna cause a war here. Fitchberg State, rock school. All right, so you went to Fitchberg State,

then you got back into it. So as a comedian, kind of knowing what it's like, at least in my business, to come out of nowhere, nobody knows you, what are wrestling open mics? What is that? So what went down was, so I got trained by Spike, and Spike was the man, ECW legend, Spike Dudley. And so when I started, he wanted to be this white meat

baby face, you know what I mean? Like Ricky Steamboat and Lex Luger. He was like, I want you to be a combination of Ricky Steamboat and Lex Luger. And this is the ultimate Spike line. I said, I thought I loved Lex. I was like, wasn't Lex like not a very good worker? And he looked at me and he goes, I don't know,

how about we look at his fucking bank account? And I was like, I'm like, all right, I'll be Lex. I was like, I'll be Lex. So. So not a good worker is they're not selling what you're doing. No, like a not a good worker would be like somebody who's not a good in-ring performer. It depends who you ask, but they're, to me,

a good worker is somebody who like Hulk Hogan, I think is a phenomenal worker. Cause everybody, you know, he can wrestle if you watch him over in Japan. And then you can, if you wrestle in America, all he has to do is this, and he gets the biggest reaction. But if you watch him, you know,

wrestling in Japan and really going, you know, he can actually go. And that's sort of as I've gotten older. This is why I think I can last a long time is, it's, I sound like, you know, I've watched too many Terry Balea shoot interviews, but you know, I hit a shoulder tackle and I just go, yup.

And the crowd's like, yup. Like step brothers, like we just became best friends. And I'm like, well, that got a better reaction to tackle. So I'm just going to keep going, yup, yup, yup. And start strutting and like, so that you learn how to. So when you build the character, you do that in the ring as it's happening, sort of doing like the promo things,

you improv a few things here or there. Yeah. Cause I remember seeing something one time the rock was talking about, he did something. And somebody said like, yeah, that really annoyed the crowd. He goes, yeah, good, I'm going to keep doing that. I'm going to go like in that direction. I remember thinking like, wow,

these guys are like stand up comics. Yes. Well, the heels are, I feel like, where it's like you're not trying, you're almost trying to, see how long you can annoy them and they're still coming along for the ride. Yes.

And make the baby face want to beat the, like they want to see the baby face just beat the shit out of you. That's like the good heel. And then like being a good heel worker is about, you know, making the baby face look like a million dollars. So, but anyway, like for me, it's, you know, when I basically learned that it was from like Billy Gunn.

So as I got older, so rough and rowdy happened and I decided I lost the fight and it bothered me for about, I would say an hour. And then I went to the bar in Charlotte and I realized like I was the absolute meat missile and the man. You also fought in, that's the house of Rick Flair built, right?

Yes. Yeah. I got to go back to that. I want to do a stand up show there. Yeah. We were playing this old, the people listen watching here. It was this old school wrestle arena, wrestling arena. And it was just like perfect, like literally built for it.

And it had almost like this short porch up top that was like the upper deck. And everybody was just on top of you. And I remember, you know, I mean, I was there for that rough and rowdy. It was, you fought great. I mean, it's just, you know, somebody wins, somebody loses, but like just the energy, the crowd and everything like that.

I literally felt like I was on like, you know, like one of those Saturday morning wrestling things that I used to watch back in the day with like the moon dogs and the wild Samoans and all of that stuff. So let me ask you this. What's the, when you get into the ring with somebody who sucks, you don't have to name any names. Yeah.

And they're going for some big move where if they fuck up, they could literally break your neck. Right. What is that like? Are you talking to them? So I would not do anything with somebody who sucks. There's a test for that. How quick before, yeah.

How quick before you realize they suck? So if I don't know somebody, you know, you do this test, you're like, hey, man, I just let's start it off with like a good tie up when we get out there. Like really, because that's how you know. If a guy who doesn't know how to friggin do a good tie up, a good lock up, he sucks. So it's like, so let's like just try this once.

And we're in the locker room and like we go to friggin tie up. And if he's all over the place or too snag him like this kid sucks, we're not throwing anything he wants, he's not going to be safe. But if he snaps the tie up right, it's like, OK, he's been trained properly. So then how do you communicate to him? Because are you literally going to say in the locker room, like, all right, dude, you're going to hurt me, so let me run this thing.

Dude, some of these friggin matches, it's like a hostage negotiation. And it's your colonies things. But as you so like I worked Enzo and probably the biggest match of my life of a month ago. And like Enzo is a big legal star, made money, drew money. And like we were like, we didn't call anything. We called it on the fly.

We were on last. It was like, what do you like? He I had three. He had three big moves. I watched his matches. I bet him a couple of spots, but he came up with the finish. And he goes, what do you do? I'm like, I honestly nothing.

I talk shit punch and kick, you know, because is there anything you want to get in? I said, yeah, there's one thing I want to get in. I want to go on the second rope. I'm going to G up for a 1989 Rick Rudd forearm to the back. I'm going to say stepbrothers. Yep, yep, yep. I'm going to hit you with a Rick Rudd forearm like we're back in the 80s. Boom.

And I'm going to pose for seven seconds in front of the hard camera. Throw up the double shocker, which represents two in the pink, one in the stink and scream at the top of my lungs. Shout out to my exes. And Enzo says to me, he just goes, stops. He goes, dude, that's fucking money. It is. It's why the amount of people that I know that are watching it, that are dying,

laughing, have to reason why I'm dying, laughing, is just knowing the people that that's going to annoy. Like, really, really, Bill, in 2021, is this what we're doing? It's just, I don't know. I, I, I, I've always loved the heels when I was a little kid. I couldn't stand him because I thought they cheated and everything. But once I got to a certain age and I realized, you know, I, you know, started annoying teachers, how much fun it was.

And I saw that these guys were like professionals at doing it. Um, I just totally fell in love with the, uh, with the whole thing. I wish it would like kind of get back to where it was. It, in my life, it had like, I felt like three peaks. Yep. It was like, when I first saw it in the late seventies, and it was sort of the end of Bob Backlin, Bruno Semartino, Haystacks, Calvin, those guys were getting, you know, old or whatever.

But Backlin wasn't old though. And then, uh, Andre the giant, I haven't put ski all those guys, right? And then it was Hulk Hogan, Mr. Wonderful, Grestus soul, all of those guys came in for that, that big time. WrestleMania is all the way through. And then it went away for a little bit. I started doing standup. And then it came back with the rock and all of those guys, um, mankind and the

undertaker and all of that type of stuff. And I feel like it's, you know, it's, it's almost like comedy. Like comedy kind of does that. I had like the big eighties, then I started doing standup and everything was like right in the toilet and oddly enough, nine, 11 kind of brought it back. Everybody needed to like laugh or something like that. And then we've kind of gone on this, this sort of real estate bubble with social media was selling tickets.

So, um, any predictions as far as where it's going? I honestly think it's about to go through the next golden arrow within, I would say in another year, we're going to see a huge burst in popularity, pro wrestling due to the rise in popularity of all the wrestling. They're on TBS and TNT. Cody Rhodes is there. Tony Khan, who's the son of the Jacksonville Jaguars owner. I thought you would say kill a con.

No, no, not kill a con. Tony Khan, Tony Khan. All right. So like there, you know, I worked on the show in Mid Hudson for Northeast wrestling on this weekend and, you know, a bunch of elite guys were there. So, you know, they're making a pretty big splash and like, you know, they're, they're straight up competition with WWE. And the last time there was competition, it was the Monday Night Wars really with

WCW and WWF at the time. And that's when the Attitude Era happened, the Rock and Steve Austin took over. So I think it's going to cause the WWE to have to adapt, right? And which will be great for wrestling. And now there's more jobs. And that was like, so in 2019 was sort of when I started to turn the corner in wrestling, I worked a big cast when he was straight off TV was main event with Daniel Bryan on pay-per-view, like three to six months prior.

And I worked with him all summer. And at the end of the summer, like one night he was like, I was supposed to wrestle somebody else. And he goes, Hey, I just talked to Mike. Me and you were working in the main. I was like, he's a man. Great guy. Cass was a man.

And I worked with him at the end of the tour. He's like, dude, you got to try to get down a performance center and try to get, get a job. He goes, you're definitely good enough. It's like, and I was just like, I don't know, man, I got, you know, I was close and I got burnt and it was my fault. I'm looking back at it. I take full responsibility from not getting it done.

That shit happens. Yeah. Yeah. But both my heart, you know, fuck. Oh my God, dude, that shit just like sometimes they feel like if you like are the guy, but you don't just fit, you know, the suit or whatever. You just got to know that. All right.

I guess I go the long way around. I got a bunch of buddies mind like that. I go, look at us. We're fucking regular bald looking guys. We got to take the. We're not in the express lane. Right. We got to go the long way around.

And then when we get there, we still got to listen to people. You know, you got there easy. You know, doors flew open for him. It's just what people it's just it is what people do. But you you sent me an email and you had some you had some classic stores that I want to make sure that I don't know which one to start with. I'm my all time favorite ones. The Jake Roberts story.

All right, Jake, the snake, Jake, the snake. And before anybody gets on with me with this story, please listen to the end because Jake Roberts, all I got to say is that guy fucks. So it's for big time wrestling in 2013. I'm working with my friend Teddy in a tag match with Jake and I can't Tom Brandy. So he's he was Salvador sincere. And then he became the Patriot. He bought the gimmick.

Yeah, so awesome. Like wrestling in the Java Civic Center in Pittsburgh, outside of Pittsburgh, I want to say, and I'm wrestling Jake in the tag match. And I know I'm taking his comeback and I'm taking the DDT. And like he's going to I know his whole comeback, right? It's like he's a lot. He's a south boy. It's like jab, jab, jab, big left, feet up, short on clothes line,

call for it, fucking DDT. And like the place goes nuts when he calls for it. I'm like getting goosebumps, thinking about it. Like I'm so jacked up. People think like, oh, you're going to lose. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to fucking get beat by Jake Roberts. It's going to be fucking awesome. You know, so I'm getting ready.

I'm getting ready. And we heard that Jake had just cleaned up because he had substance abuse problems. So we show up in the building and like, where's Jake? Jake's in the other room. I'm like, OK, so we walk in there and Jake's like laid out on the couch like drooling and we're like, oh, no, that's that's a shame. And then like it's time to call the match. And like the whole day he's like, oh, he's not talking to us.

He's like drooling. I'm like, this is like really sad. And I'm like, I'll get him through it. I'll get him through the comeback when he takes the hot tag. I'll get him through it. So he's calling the match. Brandy's calling the match, calling the match because Jake's not going to get in during the shine.

You'll just come in for the hot tag. What is during the shine? No, no, no, excuse me. He is going to come in during the shine. What is the shine? So it's like to the baby face. It's the beginning of the match and the baby face beats up the hill a little bit to show that he's a superior wrestler.

OK. So like Jake's going to get in the ring for the shine. So just work with him and like Jake's drooling. I'm like, are you sure? Oh, no. So then it's blah, blah, blah, blah. We call it out. And then it's time for the comeback to Jimmy.

You want to get through it? You want to? And I'm like, yeah, sure. And then I go to I go to go to Jake like very gently. All of a sudden he just pops out of his seat like a gazelle and goes, all right, jab, jab, jab, big left. I'm going to give you a short on clothesline. I call for a DDT.

See out there, kid. Slaps you on the ass. Just walks away. I was like, oh, fuck. He faked it. He faked the whole thing so we couldn't get any offense on him. And like, we weren't going to get any offense on him. He's fucking Jake Roberts.

You know what I mean? I'm like, dude, you didn't have to work me. It was fucking hilarious. So I just turned to Teddy. I was like, dude, that guy, fucks, dude. Like that was it was just bad ass. He was like a gangster. You know what I mean?

Like, I'm like, dude, that's how psyched are you? I'm going to I'm going to wrestle Jake the snake in the Java center. Yeah. Outside of Pittsburgh. I mean, that's like the story you want. Yeah. It was awesome. And then I had like, I still get goosebumps.

Think about it. He did that jab, jab, jab, bump. And he called for it. And I remember like selling up. And the way you don't, Jake doesn't kick you and get a DDT. He just grabs you and drops you. So like, I was just like selling up. And the place was going ballistic.

You know what I mean? It was one of my favorite moments of wrestling. And then they're all, DDT, DDT. And he hit me like that. And like everyone's like, oh, you're a job or you're lose. And I just remember it was like, what? It was a place I came all over themselves, you know? I'm sorry, but back in the day before like this PC culture,

they compared popping the crowd of having sex with a chick and getting her off. That was like the comparison. If you can, you can judge how good it was in the sack. How good a guy was in the sack by how good of a worker he was. Yeah, you know, I mean, look, there was a bunch of shit that needed to be said. It wasn't said.

And then they were in the adjustment phase here. So hopefully people can tell the difference between doing a character. 100%. You know, but they won't. They'll act like this is some fucking national geographic serious shit about global warming. How could he say all of that?

What is my password here? What the fuck is it? I'm trying to set you up here for them. We'll edit that part out. All right, now here's the next one. The NWO short rib story, all right? Oh, the shit rib? Yeah, you're a foodie, right?

Yeah. Oh, shit rib, not short rib. Shit rib, wait a minute. So I don't know if this actually happened, but I could be totally delusional and seeing ghosts. But I was at, so the backstory to this, and I could be paranoid, but I wrestled Cody Hall, Scott Hall's son in a tag team match

for Northeast Wrestling 2014. And we gave, like he had a great match. Like I was working with Scott and, you know, I remember we had this plan for the match and Scott Hall was there. And I had heat with Scott to start because this kid, I guess he's my friend, but we're in the car with Cody's son and like,

he's like fucking acting like we're in high school, like blowing me when I'm in the back seat with Cody in the front, like this guy's the best promo in wrestling. This guy's the best promo in wrestling. This guy's the best, dude, check out this promo. I'm like, buddy, please be quiet. You're gonna get me heat with Scott Hall.

He's like in the Illuminati of pro wrestling. He's one call away from Triple H, who is second in command only to Vince McMahon. Can you not, can you just shut up? You're putting me in a bad spot. So I'm like, we get to the arena. And as soon as we get there, Cody goes, this guy thinks he's the best promo in pro wrestling.

I'm like, oh no. Fuck, and Scott goes, pfft. So then like, the joke is, I started doing my promo at the start of the match and he was like, this is bush. And it was bush, because like I was doing my catchphrases and like a 500, there was like 500 people,

there may be more, because it was like a bigger show. And like, they didn't know my catchphrases because like you save that stuff for like your, your monthly or weekly show that operates like TV. Like we do that at the Bethany Town Hall. So they know your catchphrases, you can have a finishing move, like all that stuff.

But if you're doing, like nobody knows who I am, I shouldn't be doing catchphrases. So it was bush. Yeah, no, but sometimes you just get it. If somebody does that shoulder bump and goes, yep. Yeah, right. I'm like, what the fuck is that? I like that.

Shout out to my exes. I don't need to be like, what's the backstory? Right. Like I get it. This guy's being an obnoxious ass. Right. Then try to piss, oh yeah. But my point was like Scott was like,

actually had a great attitude the whole time. He just, it was that one thing. And so anyway, we were going to call the match in the back and like, I was like, we're going to do a hot start. And Scott was like, I don't think that's a good idea. You guys, it's the same midnight express, rock and roll express. Like you don't have 10 weeks, 10 months of TV behind this.

I think you should just tie up. I was like, and I thought about it. I was like, well, all right. And he goes, hey, I don't, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. And they just threw up his hall of fame ring. And I was just like, I'm like, fuck it. We're doing what Razor says.

You know what I mean? Like he knows what he's talking about. And then like we're about to go out and like right before the match, we're not paying attention. We got our dicks in our hands. And Scott was the only one paying attention. Razor, Razor Ramon.

And he turns around, he goes, hey, just to know they use your exact same cutoff spot. You guys need to think of something now. Like he was on his game. And before we got to the building, Cody is this guy. His son, Cody is like six foot eight, like a monster. But he's a good athlete, which like works against him. Like he was trying to do all these,

we're like trying to go in the ring with Scott. And he's like trying to do flips and stuff. And Scott just looked at me and he goes, you just try to talk to him. He won't listen to his old man. That's what he said to me. And I'm like, dude, your money's in being a monster. So like I was like, let me take the hot tag

and you're gonna beat me. You know what I mean? Like I don't want to see. Six foot eight tumbler. No one wants to see that. No, I was like, the money is in you. Look, I'm, dude, I'm five, nine, two, 10 with veins popping out of my six pack

doing back flips off the top rope. And you make me look like a bitch. Like I'm not gonna, like, dude, like crush me on the comeback. You know what I mean? Like, and like he, Cody like absolutely crushed it. And so it was like, hot tag, whatever. You know, I can't remember his bump fee,

but like he did razor, razor Ramones comeback. You know, you know, go for the high cross, catch sack of shit, that's it calls for the finish. Like razor wood, two big lines, the place is going ballistic. And like before the match, he was busting our balls because I love folding up job guys. I love folding up job guys.

So I was like, he's got me up for the razor's edge, like eight feet. I'm like, please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. He fucking drops me flat back, safest bump in the world. One, two, place came all of himself. Scott was so fucking happy. Cause like he saw his son like crush it.

And he was like, and he, he talked to all of us, but he looked at me and he goes, this job's for guys like you. You know? And, but then what happened was, I don't know what happened between, and it's not my business, between Scott and the promoter,

but like him and Cody were never invited back. And I have no idea why. And then this article leaked on Russell's zone that went like viral, that said he was like unprofessional backstage. And I heard that it was because he said I was like, the promo was Bush. And it was Bush.

Like what he said was accurate. And like it was good feedback. And like as friends, like that was our catchphrase. We'd go to the bar, the steak would be on a cut, this steak is Bush. You know what I mean? Like we loved it.

And like, so like, I don't know if that was the source of the heat or whatever. So anyway, rough and rowdy happens. And then I talked about my WWE tryout, which is a huge mistake. Mistake. So that happened. And I'm working in a Brockton,

with a Brockton Rocks play. Yeah dude, you just gotta take your lumps and just know that everybody, whatever, if you've got 20 stories that are getting fucked over, someone else has got like 21. Right, right. You know something else too?

What happened with those guys? We're doing whatever they took your opening to the exact same thing. I remember this headline a long time ago, it goes, I always watch the whole show. Yeah. Because I want to know what subjects I talked about because if somebody just did a whole fucking

chunk on Trump or Biden or something and then you come up, oh, it's up with Biden. People are like, oh God, not again. 100%. Especially now too, because everyone's kind of doing the COVID thing, which I, you know, it's the worst.

I've been doing this long enough that when I don't watch the show and I go up there as I bring the subject out, I feel how flat it is. I'm like, oh God. Yeah, yeah. Somebody already brought this. This has already been mulched up.

So, turn into this subject over here. So. But that's today's standard to put that back to pro wrestling. That's a great point. Nowadays, everything's so choreographed. Like especially young kids, it's like they're calling every single spot.

It's like, no. When you say calling it, I almost feel like at the end of this podcast, you've got to let me know, you know, heat and all that. And we'll just have little definitions underneath you so people can keep going. Oh, I don't want to do that

because then the freaking guys on the contract will be like, that guy doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. Oh yeah. He's burying me. But you know what I mean? Like it's the heats when the, you know, the bad guy's putting steam on the good guy

and get the good guys trying to get sympathy. You know what I mean? Right, right, right, right. And sell. And that's the mark of a good guy is his ability to sell. And that's like Enzo. He sold like Ricky Morton from the Rock'n'Roll Express.

He was so good at that. And everybody like, oh, Enzo's just can just cut a promo. It's like, no, he's a fantastic professional wrestler. All right. Well, what do you got coming next as far as like the next big one that you're doing? Because I can't say what, I'm such a huge fan of the character that you came up with.

I look at like wrestlers like they are standup comedians when you get like a really good one. I mean, I do it all the time. I sit there and I watch like, I was just watching a clip of me and Jing laughing during promos. And then some of the worst promos at all time and then the best one.

So I have such a respect for what you guys do. And then all the stuff you put your bodies through, what is the, cause I know you a couple of times like, I'm going forward, then I fuck this, then I'm going forward again, the pandemic, blah, blah, blah, blah. You went through a little, you know. Funk.

Funk dares, we all do. I mean, part of being a performer is one day you're gonna be on a couch and for some reason you can't get up. It's a sunny day and you just lay in there like, what the fuck's going on with me? It's all entertainers. It's it.

How did you get through that, by the way? When you went through your, I wrote a movie about what I was going through. Oh, there you go. It was, but I made it a comedy, you know. I just went through like a breakup with this chick. And I was like, and I'm, and I got talked, my friend, Jamie Silva, who was like one of the first guys

to call me after the alumni, he played for the Indianapolis Colts in Super Bowl 46. He was like an all-American at BC. He did films and like Jamie and Patty Quinn who like did mass holes. They had this viral video, shit people from Boston say. Oh, I saw all those.

I love those. Yeah, so Patty did the screen story. Like he came up with the plot. Like I just wrote it. He was like, this is the outline. This is act one, this is act two, this is act three. So, yeah, I'm just explaining. I had this idea for a movie

that was like a rocky parody about pro wrestling. And it was just basically me and my friend Mark Sherman in the car. And he's like, wait a minute. Like I showed up, I was all flustered. He's like, what's going on with you? I was like, I just got a Zoom therapy session. Just went through a breakup.

I'm like crushed. I was like in love with this chick and then she's with another guy now, blah, blah, blah. He's just like, wait a minute. You're the fucking one-man thrill ride. Like what the fuck are you crying about? It's like, you got like, you know what I mean? He's like, dude, this is the movie.

He's like, I'm like, are you sure? I was like, he's like, Patty. That absolutely is because that's the interesting thing is to watch you doing- Simping out over some shit. Yeah. It's hilarious.

And of course there's a friggin' therapist who's smoking hot, which really happened. She's like- Well don't tell too much of it because someone will fucking steal it. No, no shit. But it's copyrighted. Yeah, but still.

Yeah, you gotta watch out with that stuff. I kind of like, I actually do, I either go to the gym. Yeah. If I'm, when I get depressed, I either go to the gym or I try to do stand-up and I just go down there and I just be nice to people. Yeah. Not saying I'm not nice, but I just kind of extra nice.

Like, hey, how's it going? I just, I get out of me. Like, hey, what's going on with you? Oh, that's great. I'm really happy for you. I let people go when I'm driving. I just try to get it because if I don't and I just start going down on the,

I called the, you know, go down on the bottom of the lagoon. Then, you know, I got a wife and two kids now and, you know. That's so true though when you do nice. You know how it is with a guy, you can't have a bad day, right? You're not allowed. The chicks can sit there and be like,

ah, I'm just kind of going through some things. And you, it's just like, they're just looking at you like, all right, well, maybe if you go fucking pick that box up over there. No, you should, yeah. You'll feel a little better. It's called the masks of masculinity. And so I just mask an emotional trauma.

Like you've been, like this whole character is because I've heard over chicks. You know what I mean? That's, you know, that's all it is. That is, you know what's funny the other day? I actually, I'm actually, I saw my therapy that I went to, yeah.

All right, you want to know what my, I can't even, I'll tell you someday why I actually do stand up. People, that's cause you love comedy. Is that why? Did you always love comedy? Right. It's like, no, people were beating the fuck out of me. So I thought if I could get in a room,

make everybody laugh, no one would beat the fuck out of me. 100%. That's what it was. I went on there with the, with the emotion of a four year old. Yeah. And that's what I did through all of that.

And most of the shit, someday I'll tell the whole fucking story, but this, this, this is a, this is about your stuff. So I always find it amazing when someone is funny, electrifying, got the whole thing. And then you got that whole other side where you just fucking lay in there at the bottom

of the lagoon, as I say. But so you went therapy. So that's good. So you don't have, cause whenever I hear people, they got the chemical shit. Yeah. Where it's like, you can't like, you know,

no amount of fucking good times can bring you out of it. You just have to wait for, almost feel like, you know, they got raw sewage just dumped in the bay, whatever that chemical is that's going in, like those people, like I, sometimes when I'm depressed, I think about them.

At least I have an out of this thing. I don't have to go like, go get like meds. And then, you know, it's, as it's pulling you out, what part of my body is it fucking up? Right. I know it's crushing my liver or whatever, you know? Do you feel like when you perform, you get it out?

If I do something new. Yeah. And if I connect with the crowd. Yes. Because there's two ways, like, there's two laughs. There's the laugh, like, okay, that's funny. And then there's the, dude, I fucking leave that.

Yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. I can't believe. I connected with that, right? Yeah. And that's like a different sounding laugh. And when I get that, especially too, if I'm,

if, you know, there's levels of, more feeling of a satisfaction. Yes. Like if I'm in front of like, you know, in Boston, all white crowd like me, and even if I get that laugh, it's cool. Right. But like when I'm in front of people who are different.

Yeah. I think you're special in Tennessee, Nashville, right? Yeah. That was a good special. And do something like that, or like, you know, back in the day, you know, they had like the uptown show, the gay show, whatever. If you could get a laugh like that on that night.

Yep. That was like that extra kind of special thing. That would get me out of it. And I'd be like, all right, I can feel the next 20 minutes of materials coming. Yeah. I got something to move forward to because I found out in this pandemic

that when I was just like, you know, I think I'm gonna take some time off. Right. And I slowed down and all the smoke caught up with me. Yeah. You work like a fucking maniac. Right. You got such a great work ethic.

It's like, no, I got daemons, dude. It's out of the center. I'm just trying to stay in front of these things. So is there a match or anything coming up? Like COVID has obviously affected you guys and everything throughout all of this, you know? It was huge. Now we're back out there.

So my next show, I got two shows for Top Rope Promotions coming up. It's a great name. Top Rope. Top Rope. It's where I started. It used to be Yankee Pro Wrestling way back in the day when I was a senior in high school.

But yeah, we're in Brockton on the 20th. We'll get that information out of my social media and then we're in Fitchburg on the 22nd. And then from there, September 11th, I'm wrestling in the Bethany Town Hall. I don't know if I'm wrestling. I'm basically like a producer. So what is the Bethany Town Hall?

Is it literally a town hall that clear out the chairs? So it's a town hall with a basketball court. It's like a great place. Yeah. Like it gets, and they have die hard fans. Like we get the same 300. It's our first one back since, I want to say November.

First time I've been back in the building since October or November of 2019. So I'm really excited. I'm doing this new gimmick. Well, it's not a new gimmick. It's the new look. I got a new theme song that's like electro retro and I got the new dance.

You should have seen like. I watched some of your clips, dude. I love it. You got like that. You got like, it's an amalgam of a bunch of different styles but it's you. So I don't want to say the styles is in fucking ass.

Oh, he's totally ripping off, blah, blah, blah, blah. Which is what happens to comedians a lot. But like you have that thing, man. That thing where it's like you annoy and people love you all at the same time. Which is, it's a very rare thing. And it's one of those things where you want to watch it just because you want to read the comments

of the people that take it seriously. I mean, I probably shouldn't even say take it seriously because I'm kind of letting the rabbit out of the hat but because I love when people do that. Right. You know, like I recently, you know. It means you got them. Well, I made some stupid comment about some news network

and then for like fucking two weeks, they just kept picking shit out of my podcast. It's like, guys, I don't read. I don't watch the news. I said, I said, I don't read. Yeah. Like I am so fucking not even tapped into that world that a comic did a joke about the vice president

and I didn't get it for half a second. I was like, oh, that's a Joe Biden dementia thing. Oh, okay, yeah. Cause they didn't say it and then they kind of brought it around, I was like, oh, yeah, that's right. What do they call them? What do they call them? Slow Joe.

Sleepy Joe? Sleepy. Yeah. So I tapped out of that world because that's another thing that makes me depressed. News. News and fucking, you know, this gym I was going to, they'd have the fucking news on like silent

and you're on the treadmill and it's like they're showing California burning down, COVID numbers going up, plastic bottles in the ocean. I'm like, what am I supposed, and of course no solutions. Yeah. No solutions. It's like V for Vendetta.

It's crazy what's going on. I mean. You saw in my eyes, I never saw that movie. That was funny. Like V for Vendetta, I'm like, miss that one. Yeah. But it's just, yeah, the times are, it's funny, we talked

and you gave me some suggested for content. I did a few videos about like what's happening in the news. And I was like, dude, I'm so depressed. I was like, I can't, like I was ripping on Bill Gates and stuff. I was like, what the hell does he know? He had bad software or whatever. I'm like, what the hell does he know about disease?

I was like, what the, all right, he'll take his work. Whatever, you still, you gotta get your content and all that stuff out there. But I 100% understand not watching the news, which I don't know, some people might say is like irresponsible or whatever, but I've just kind of gotten to the point of like,

all right, I'm just gonna help out people that I can help out and I'll keep it at that. But I wish I was back here to check out those match you have. Because I gotta tell you, this first time I spent like significant time back in the Boston area for a while. And I'm kind of loving it. Yep.

I think I need to do a- A mix. Yeah, I really do. Like I was having the best time coming up here to Saugus, just all the memories I have. Yep. And like just the food. Caloons?

Well, it's kind of fit. Well, Caloon, I heard the kids don't want to take over the business. So I don't know if that's, I don't know what's going on with that. But I was like, that thing, I mean, that's like a, just a legendary, the fucking comics that have been up in that attic

over the years is staggering. Not to mention it's incredible food. So, I don't know. I think I'm gonna, I was talking to my wife about it. She was really been liking being back here. Granted, it's the summertime. Yep. You know, come back here during the winter and be like,

you know, fuck this. Yeah, fuck that. I fucking left this 25 years ago. This is the perfect time. Ice scraper. Right. This is the perfect time. You go to the floor in the winter,

but you come up here during the summer. All right. Well, I am such a huge fan of what you do. And I'm really excited for what you've got going on in the future. And you know, you got that producing gig coming up. You got the movie script. Don't sleep on that either.

Cause this is what the new thing is. You got to have like fucking 20 irons in the fire. And I will give you advice. If nobody like finances that thing initially, you can always shoot a sizzle reel on your, on your iPhone. Right. And you just get enough people into it. Right.

That's, that's the long way around. Yep. So that's all we do. And the reason why I know that's kind of what the fuck I look like, no one's looking for a balding redhead in Hollywood. I'll tell you that right now. Right now. Anyways, the one man thrill ride.

Anything else you want to promote? Yeah. So you can visit me on my website, onemanthrillride.com. That's where you give me your money. Pop it. We got tanks. Yup. We got teas.

Yup. We got sunnies. Yup. We got custom videos from yours truly. On Instagram at one man thrill ride one. On Instagram at the number one man thrill ride. Please give me a follow. We got content coming at a pretty ferocious pace.

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My last two days here in New Orleans. I wanna thank everyone. Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans? That's where my baby goes. She gets a po-boy and pukes on a sidewalk down on Bourbon Street with all the other fucking whores. Yeap-a-dup-a-dupey-dee-boo. You like that?

That was a little started off with something, I don't know, some sort of Basin Street Blues and I ended up with Clyde McCoy's Sugar Blues for all of you out there who enjoy an unbelievably white man playing a muted trumpet. I highly recommend listening to Clyde McCoy's Sugar Blues. You know, if people other than white people were running this country after that recording came out,

white people would be banned from ever playing the trumpet again. I'm sure there's probably some Clyde McCoy fans out there and I'm sure I'm offending you right now but I don't give a shit. The man is no longer with us and fortunately cannot play that horn anymore. Those of you who are not gonna have time to look it up,

the muted trumpet song went something like wa-ba-boo-ba-boo-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa. It's literally that bad. When I was six, I thought it was good. Oh fuck, you know, I finally broke down, I went down to Bourbon Street and it was 20 to five on a Saturday, 20 to five. What's funny in New Orleans is they have Royal Street

runs parallel to Bourbon Street. It's one block, I guess north of it. I don't fucking know. Just night and day. You stay on Royal Street, it's a bunch of sane people. Some really unbelievable street performers out here, man. Musicianship is crazy. But, you know, families, you know, fucking,

all these antique stores, the gas lamp place, the way they make the gas lamps, you know? In case you thought they made the gas lamp shed at some other place, they make it at the gas lamp place. They got, it's just a bunch of nice stuff. Well, you're like, oh wow, what a wonderful town. That work, all this stuff to do.

Good clean fun on Royal Street. You go one block over, over, and you're on Bourbon Street and it is an absolute shit show. I saw a, oh, she didn't take care of herself. So she could have been anywhere from 26 to about 59. She had some hard miles people, all right? She was running with, she was down a couple of quarts of oil

for at least two decades, if you know what I mean. You might need to, you know, get a little valve job done on you. Who are there, lady? Anyways, she's, I'm sitting, drinking. And I'm in this bar, there's nobody else in it. And everybody in the bar is dressed like they're, like coach from Cheers in the band, you know?

And they're playing, I don't know what the fuck they were playing. Sort of jazzy, sort of New Orleans sounding shit. And so I'm sitting there and I'm just, you know, it's open view. I'm just watching people going down the street. I took some video of it. All right, there was this white dude with great hair,

you know, fucking dirty as hell, full head of fucking, this guy could run for office with the head of hair that he had, but instead he decided to mop the gutters with it for the last fucking, I don't know, since the 70s. And he was out skipping around, freaking people out. He, you know what's funny? That guy had been a drunk for so long when he would sit down, when anybody would approach him,

he would immediately put his hands up like, hey man, I'm not fucking doing anything, man. Why are you hassling me? He's just so used to being hassled, man, that when somebody comes up to him, or he's so used to people coming up to him, telling him that he needs to tone down his behavior, that the second anybody got in his peripheral,

he immediately put his hands up, hey man, you know, I'm just sitting here, man. He had his little bottle of booze, then there was this hilarious black dude direct in traffic, making most people laugh and driving control freaks out of their fucking minds, so that was fun. This is all at like 20 to five in the afternoon. The sun had even started to set,

and then across the street this woman, I don't know, 58, 59, maybe early 60s, she's with her guy and this other couple, and she starts getting all fucking loopy or whatever, and she just, she blew chow to bring back the old way. We used to say puked back in the day, she blew chow all over the fucking sidewalk, and this is the funny thing, all she did

when she threw up was she just like, it was like somebody said, can you see your toes? And she was like, you know, I don't think I've, I've tried to see my toes in a long time, she just looked straight down and just fucking yacked. It kind of wrecked her shade off her belly and then hit the sidewalk, so she was near the landmine, but was fine,

as long as she took a step back, or if she went right, or she went left, and she just fucking, she went straight. She took one step and did a Benny Hill fucking slip, not really, she did like, she sort of collapsed like Bambi and just landed in her own fucking puke, and her friends sort of were comforting her, letting her sit in her own puke, it was fucking unreal.

I mean, while the other guy is skipping around with his bottle of booze, hey man, leave me alone, yeah, and so the guy put him in like a UFC show code, which I don't even know if he knew the guy, he just put him into it in a joking way and the drunk dude with the gray hair immediately just played along and was sticking his tongue out and I don't know what the fuck was going on

and then the black guy was still directed traffic. And I'm looking at my watch, it's fucking 20 of five on a Saturday. And the thing is, the people who are them, who are an absolute fucking mess, they should be antiquing the age that they were and all those stores that are really nice on Royal Street, all of them were closing up,

that's how I ended up in a bar, I was like, why are you guys all closing up? And they're like, ah, you know, we close up around five, gets a little crazy one block, it turns into such a shit show that they just closed down, or whatever, so anyways, I've had, despite that crazy story, I've had a great time down here and I've kind of become a Saints fan,

I gotta get out of here soon because I'm kind of becoming a Saints fan, I got all into the sentimental part of it of their long time announcer. Of course, I don't have his name in front of me here, I don't want to butcher this. He did his last show, his last show. Is he doing standup bill?

No, he did his last broadcast, Saints, let me look this up here so I get this right. And fuck all you guys down here in New Orleans, giving me shit right now, I'm not from here. Retires, bang. Here we go, long time Saints announcer, Retires, can I get a name? Jerry Roaming.

And you gotta listen to some clips of him on YouTube. He's another one of those classic throwback guys, total Homer, it's awesome. And I hope he doesn't, oh, he's getting replaced by his son, so he'll be a Homer too. I just hate when they go from a Homer to just some guy where you don't know where they're from, and you just get some, you know,

you know what the fuck I'm trying to say. Anyways, this is the Monday morning podcast, everybody. Oh, people have been asking me, you know, I wanna send emails in, man, what do I send it? Bill at themmpodcast.com, that's where you send them in, if you have any fucking questions, just send the other and I'll have bullshit. So, yeah, I got two more days, two more days

on this movie that I'm doing down here. I know I've been dicking around, saying that I'm doing an episode of Glee. Obviously you guys don't know that, for those of you who didn't look it up, I'm doing a movie down here called Black and White with Kevin Costner and Octavia Spencer. And it's been an unbelievable time,

unbelievable shoot, and that whole time, it's been amazing. So, I have this weird sort of, I'm excited to get the fuck out of here, and also gonna be a little sad, been here for a while. Oh, and also, of course, directed by Mike Binder. They all got great Boston names, Costner, Spencer, Binder. So, I don't know when it's gonna come out,

probably gonna come out next year, so I don't know why I'm fucking hyping a movie that we haven't even finished shooting yet, but I guess that's what you have to do nowadays because there's 9,000 channels, so look out for it. I think it's gonna be a great one. There we go, and on to the stories for this week. A Romanian doctor.

Did you guys see this story? This is one of these stories I just don't believe is true, even though I retweeted it. I refuse to believe that this is fucking true. It says, stressed out doctor, cuts off man's, elf patients, penis. All right. I don't know how to say the guy's name,

Nam Siomu, 58. What is with the 58 year olds this week? They're not puking on Bourbon Street. They're cutting off somebody's dick, really? Does this have to do with the size of the moon in the sky? The moon is, remember, they always fucking talk about how that affects your goddamn mood? The moon, does it?

And exactly how does that work? I would love to just see a table full of scientists listen to this laughing their asses off right now, wiping tears from their eyes under their fucking dumb, smart white coats. Anyways, Nam Siomu, 58, was operating on a man to correct a testicular malformation. You see that?

This is a vanity thing. His balls were working fine. He just didn't like how one of them looked. You know? Kind of like when a woman has one wonky titty. Like one's focused and the other's the backup quarterback checking out the chicks in the front row, you know? So evidently, he had the same problem,

except it was his balls. So anyways, he lost his temper trying to fix this guy's balls. So he grabs a scalpel and he sliced off the guy's dick. I love this word here, in front of an amazed nursing staff. Not horrified, not nauseated, amazed. How did he do that? You know, you would have thought that one of us would try to stop him,

but by the time I realized what he was doing, you already did it. God, do you think we'll ever be that good? Evidently, that's an amazing thing for a nurse to see in Romania. They were amazed. And then not to mention this, after he cuts the dick off,

he then cuts it into three pieces. For those of you mathematicians out there, that's two cuts. Hi, hi. I wonder if you just stabbed the scalpel in there, into the table and then that was it. All right, and then he stormed out of the operating theater at the Panduri Urology Hospital in Bucharest.

That's the capital too of Romania. So there's no excuse for this behavior. This guy should be the best of the best. He's working in the capital. I can see if he was out in the sticks, you know? Out in Worcester. What the fuck was going through this guy's head? Did he not have the right equipment?

Did he keep getting the malformed ball into shape and then it kept on malforming? And you know, like when your fucking computer keeps crashing, that's basically what this guy did. Like you ever get mad at your cell phone and you just fucking throw it? He did the medical version of that. And evidently that involves cutting off a dick.

So it gets even weird. A Romanian court has ordered professor, Siyomu, whatever his name. To pay 100 grand damages and $20,000 cost to the victim. Whatever his costs. Did you still charge him for the operation? Well, you know, we did kind of shape up one of your balls. Tell you what, that was gonna be 40 grand,

we'll take 50% off and all the gauze unique. And this guy was a 36 year old builder, 36 year old. The trauma, and this is with the guys. Now this is his underwhelming statement. The trauma has left a deep mark both physically and psychologically. It's hard for a man who wants to have sex, sex yet lacks the organ.

My wife is the best thing I have. That's just, this is the worst fucking thing. There's no way this is true. How do you know this shit is true? Even if you see it on, I saw it on the news. So what, so what, how do you know what happened? Let me look at this, there's another one. This is the one up in Newfoundland, right?

40 pythons found in Canada motel. 10 days after two boys were killed by an escaped snake. Did you see that story? Like how do you fucking know that that happened? Unless you were there. Other than that, I'm just sitting there and I'm listening to some woman talking and then they got a picture of a snake

over a fucking shoulder. And then they cut to somebody standing out in front of the house, it's true Jennifer, it's true. Tragedy did strike today in this great house. If you could see that window here as well versus snake was somehow, I don't know, I went up the stairs. I mean, maybe they had those round ones, you know,

the spiral staircase and it went up the stripper pole that's in the middle. I have no idea, but anyway, somehow it managed to get up to the second floor at eight, not one, but two. They basically said that that was very abnormal for a snake, for snake lovers. He's about two Canadian brothers apparently squeezed to death by a 15 foot African python.

They were typical children who enjoyed life to the maximum. Yeah, well, I mean, they're six and four. What's one of them looking through a fucking telescope already? I guess it could be advanced learning. Everybody's typical at six and four. Did I miss my calling? I maybe, this is like, this is what I should have,

I should have written news articles. This is how fucking dumb you can be. The nursing staff was, hey, what's that word? This is just amazed, amazed, right? Amazed, yeah, that sounds good. What do you get for lunch? And spent the last days alive playing with animals on a farm, a relative said Tuesday.

The boys were asleep over at an apartment above a pet store when the snake struck. Canadian police said it slithered, oh, did it and it didn't walk into the room. It slithered through the top of its Florida ceiling cage. Jesus Christ, out of a hole connected to a ventilation system and dropped from the living room ceiling when a pipe broke.

On top, oh my God, it's terrible. So anyways, this guy says that this was not, said it was abnormal for a snake to go on a killing spree. You know, which I believe that, right? They just kind of, they just take what they need. They don't eat just enough. If you look, it was the last time you saw a fat snake. I mean, they're all muscle, right?

So this one, I don't know what this fucking thinks. Deal was, I think it was like Thanksgiving, it just fucking kept going, but am I really talking about a snake that killed two fucking little boys? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. All right, what am I gonna do? Make fun of the po-boys and the goddamn

fucking paddle boat out there again? Oh, that fucking paddle boat's driving me nuts. Fortunately, it's out to sea. Can you be out to sea on a river? What is an eddy? Does anybody know? What is the difference between a sea and an ocean? That's the kind of thing, like if you're not a captain

or you're not in the Navy. I mean, I bet half the people in the fucking Navy couldn't tell you the difference between an eddy, a sea, a gulf. Everything to me is the ocean. Like the gulf of Mexico to me, that's the fucking ocean. Don't be talking to me how, oh, it's surrounded on three sides.

Yeah, in what, fucking 9,000 miles in each direction? I'm in the middle of the fucking ocean, right? The only reason why the Great Lakes aren't oceans to me is because they're not salty. When I stick my face in them, I don't go, I don't do that shit. And that one that they have out there in California, the salt and sea that's all salty,

that's the fucking ocean. It's not a lake. It's not a sea. That is the fucking ocean. It got left behind like Willem Dafoe in Platoon. You know, I just found all that desert out there. They used to be the bottom of an ocean. I had no idea.

So wouldn't that mean? Nah, that wouldn't mean that. I was gonna say that there's fucking dinosaurs down there. There's some sort of oil. Do they have a drill in the desert for oil? Dude, what the fuck you think your Middle East is? Now go fuck yourself. You ever been there?

You don't even know what it looks like. You just see it on the news like I do. What is the Middle East to you? What is it, huh? There are planes flying in there. People throwing rocks at them. That's your geography? Before you get on your fucking high horse, dude.

I'm sorry, I'm in this mood. I am bored shitless out here. I'm done. I got two more days. I wanna bang this shit out and I wanna get on the first fucking one smoking and get the fuck out of here. I've had it.

I need to go home. I need to be with my stuff. All right, I miss my stuff. You know, I really miss the moment. I miss my pajamas. I haven't seen my pajamas in a month. How long do you have pajamas before you lose the top? You don't even know where the fuck it is.

You only wear the bottoms, right? Just walking around scratching your balls, making that face when you look into the kit into the refrigerator and there's just nothing there that looks edible. I mean, everything's work. Anyways, let's do a little advertising for the week here. Dollar Shave Club, everybody.

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I've ever heard say it and what else? People will hold their nose before jumping into a pool, you know, can you just breathe out your nose? Can't you just do that? How old are you? Right? Anyways, with all the so many things in the world that can irritate you, why would you let your razors add to it?

That doesn't make any sense. What I'm trying to say is stop milking your razor blade for the entire month, you know, digging up your face. I know the brand name razors. You're used to paying outrageous prices and exhausting those razors until they start to look like a rusty soda can. I realize this.

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of the podcast page at billburr.com. All right, Hulu Plus, everyone. I'm sure you've tried hulu.com. If you hadn't, if you haven't done that, I'm sure that's why your friends aren't talking to you anymore. All right, but if you have been to hulu.com, I want to tell you about Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you watch thousands of hit shows

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Hulu Plus has tons of episodes from great comedies like SNL, Community, Modern Family, South Park, Family Guy, and thousands of other shows. Hulu Plus is only $7.99 a month, everybody. That's $7.99 for all the shows and movies you can watch. Catch up on current shows, binge on old favorite, or catch, just catch a great movie. Whatever you want to do,

you can do it all on Hulu Plus, people. Right now you can try Hulu Plus for a couple of weeks free. On me, when you go to the podcast page at billbird.com and click on the Hulu Plus banner, I'll go to huluplus.com slash bill. Please make sure you use huluplus.com bill so you can get an extended free trial and so they know that we sent you.

All right, helps me keep the lights on here and gives you a better deal. One more time for extended free trial, huluplus.com. Hey, we only got one more. I might as well knock it out. Evoise. Evoise, everybody. If you're an entrepreneur and a customer,

let me try that again. Billbird reads Evoise, take two. Boop, boop, boop. Evoise, if you're an entrepreneur. Sorry, guys. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, went out last night. Billbird reads Evoise, take three.

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Give your customers the royal treatment with Evoise. Evoise will forward your business calls to your home, mobile or any number you choose. Wherever you are, Evoise will find you. Don't have time to take a call. It's routed to your voicemail and you can read it at your convenience as an email. Evoise not only gives you an edge over competitors,

it takes away the edge the big companies have over you right now. And now you can try Evoise for free for 30 days. Go to evoise.com and use the promo code bill that's evoise.com promo code bill or just go to the podcast page at billbird.com and click on the email, the Evoise banner. Sorry.

All right, that's the advertising for this week. That's always a great way to end advertising. Sorry. I apologize, I'm not qualified for the job. All right, what else did I want to talk about this week? Have you guys been checking out what's going on over there in Egypt, man? It's just a goddamn tragedy over there.

Those people, you know what? Democracy is too, it's too new over there. You elected a guy, it turns out you elected the wrong guy, you didn't like him. You just gotta wait for the next election and then you vote the bum out, you know? You don't fucking just demand the guy leaves. You do that, here comes the army, right?

You sitting there with fucking rocks and a dream, I don't know, it doesn't work out too good. All right. This is a fucking disjointed podcast I've ever heard one. I swear to God, sometimes I really wonder why you guys continue to listen. Oh, Bill, stop fucking me. Oh, you know, Bill, why are you gonna be like that guy

who threatens to kill himself and never does just so he can hear so much people love him? I don't know why you listen to that. Oh, Bill, don't stop podcasting. We love you podcasting, you red cunt. All right, follow up on salads. Let's get into the emails for the week. Oh, you know what?

I didn't finish last week was I started to say I was actually rooting for A-Rod and people mentioned that I forgot to say why. I don't know why. It was something about everybody booing them that just made me just the level with which people were booing the guy. You know, and I'm a complete, look,

this is how I look at it. I can't judge the dude. The only way you could boom like that is if you lived a perfect life. All right, all that money on the fucking table. Come on, complete piece of shit like me. You think I'm not gonna fucking do some roids to hang in the game?

Do you think if they made a steroid that allowed you to read advertising smoothly that I wouldn't be on the juice right now just so I could stay in the podcasting league for another couple of years or two for the kids I don't have to feed? You know what it is? I don't like how people,

I don't think it's fair that they look at like entertainers and athletes the way they do and start saying, this is what's wrong with this country. Blah, blah, blah, they're still going down like that. And then they just fucking let bankers go. If they gave just as much more shit to bankers and then they came on athletes and entertainers like that, I'd be like, all right, that makes sense.

That makes sense to me. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna fucking start my own trading cards rather than tops like baseball or football cards. I'm gonna start mine and it's gonna be banker cards. So everybody knows what they look like and their fucking stats will be on the back, all the horrific shit that they did.

And I don't know, maybe they'd get booed when they were on the way to their lobster or fucking encrusted lunch. Will that be nice every once in a while? So there you have it. For some stupid reason, I'm rooting for A-Rod. I want him to hit him a bunch of fucking home runs. And I don't know what after that.

Just because everybody, if only a few people booed him, I'd still be against him. But the fact that everybody was just fucking trashed him. A couple of people had sides. But some morons said the other day, you know, it's good all these PEDs really puts that Pete Rose thing in perspective. Well, no, no, it doesn't.

No, it doesn't. Gambling is the worst fucking thing you can do. It's worse than PEDs. It's worse than an individual cheating. All right, you're talking about when you start gambling, you're talking about throwing the game. Then it becomes wrestling, right? And I'm not saying that on a certain level

that you're up in the ante with the PEDs. You definitely are, but gambling is the worst. The outcome of the game cannot be decided before the fucking game starts. You can't have people doing that shit, all right? You want to take some go-go juice and maybe change the outcome? I think that's half as bad.

Why is my voice, you know what? I was in a bar last night screaming over music. It's not as bad. And for everybody who's gonna send me a fucking email about it at bill at themmpodcast.com, I'm telling you right now, I'm closed off to your opinions. You can try and sway me.

But I don't want to fucking hear it. Gambling on baseball, it's the worst thing you can do. That's why they have it over everything. When you walk down the tunnel, that's what they have. Oh, by the way, don't go out there and throw the game. This isn't wrestling, all right? Put on your Aqua-Velva, go out there and try. All right, sorry.

Follow up on salads, people. Bill, I make salads for a living. While eating vegetables from your grocery store is better than nothing. Oh, Jesus Christ, are you gonna talk about pesticides and then kill me? He goes, you should urge your listeners to go to independent farm stands.

I'm from New England and they're everywhere. Try smelling a peach that's from a farm versus one from the grocery store. This guy's 100% right. Yes, you should go to a farmers market. The one from the grocery store won't smell at all. It's because they picked it too soon and lacks up to 75% of the nutrients.

Yeah, that's why tomatoes taste like shit. And people, when they make a completely salad, they'll fucking put the balsamic vinaigrette on it to try them, or when you make your pizza sauce, they always end up throwing, you know, whatever, fucking third a cup of sugar, depending on how much you fucking use it. But that's the natural sweetness that isn't in the tomato.

Because from what I've kind of read on a website, maybe. Like, hey, maybe you can handle this, fuckhead.com, I think I went to that. And they were talking about tomatoes. Oh, anyways, once you basically, the fruit of the vegetable gets all its nutrients from the vine, or the branch, the tree, whatever the fuck it's hanging from, right?

So once you yank that off, it's over. Okay. I can't use that reference. I wasn't talking about taking a baby out of a womb too early. That's disgusting, because we're talking about eating something. All right, ah, Jesus Christ, Bill.

Anyways, yeah, if you go down to your farmer's market, it's much better. That's what he's trying to say. But I've actually seen the thing where they're starting to infiltrate the farmer's markets because those cunts can just not make enough money. But anyways, thank you for the follow-up. I would've liked if you gave me a recipe

for a couple of salads. If you make salads for a living, that would be great. Help the listeners out. Give us a little variety. Give, I want three here. One, to ease somebody in to the fact that they're eating a salad. If they went from eating a goat's head every goddamn day.

And then the second one, I don't know, make it down to medium-sized one. And then the last one is, if you just want to shit your brains out and have energy of Superman. All right, how about three salads like that? That's my request, sir. Thank you.

Send it to Bill at themmpodcast.com. All right, all right, here we go. Follow up from a lady. Hey, Billy, I'm a lady. Just want to offer a piece of advice. Referring to the guy on your last podcast who called in about his ex-girlfriend texting him after they had broken up.

She says, I've actually been one of those country girls you were talking about and have broken up with guys in the past. My advice to guys listening out there is the absolute best thing you could do when an ex calls or texts you is to remain completely bored sounding on the phone. Oh, completely bored sounding on the phone.

Never text or call them back. Sound is distant and as uninterested as possible when talking to them. Guaranteed the ex will never call again because it's humiliating. That was my experience anyways. Your advice was correct, that you need to just cut the cancer out,

delete from cell phone, unfriend, et cetera, et cetera. Hope you read this out loud, okay? Sometimes it helps to put a finger under each word when reading. She said, just being cheeky. Gotta hate that fucking word. Are you being cheeky? All right, so there's great advice.

From a lady, there you go. She says, just sound completely as completely bored and uninterested as possible. It's humiliating to them. Yeah, because you're really, you know what you're doing? You're pouring water on their lightsaber, basically. Does that make any sense?

Well, lightsaber looks more like a dick. What am I trying to say? Was there anything that somebody used as a Jedi that kind of looked like a fucking pot that lit up that you could pour water on? Was that electricity? That's what I was thinking, you pour water on. What would that do?

It would probably zap your hand if you had a metal fucking. My reference is a fucking terrible this week. You're shutting off their, I don't know, you're turning off their pussy. Gas lamp above their pussy, you're just putting it out. The best thing to do is you just fucking get away from them. Are they gonna make your life a living hell?

That's what they do. They don't duke it out, except for those broads on the UFC. Jab to the, to the tit, jab to the tit, uppercut to the fucking areola. These body blows up brutal. Kick to the womb. Oh, right in the VJJ.

She's got a fucking hang of friend. The standard eight count. All right, was he a virgin? Dear Billy, dear Bill. First of all, I'd like to say I'm a huge fan from your hometown of Waka Luka Makaduka. You are a comedian. You are my comedian crush.

I absolutely love you. Well, you've obviously never met me, believe me. I'm a piece of shit and I'm difficult to live with. So why don't you set your standards a little higher? Says now to the problem. I was celibate for almost two years. I grew tired of it and decided to sleep with the guy. I've liked for a little, I've liked for a little,

but I didn't know him too well. Let me start by saying honestly, this isn't something I do ever, but I needed to get laid. It was a slutty thing to do. No, it wasn't. It wasn't. All right, it wasn't. You fucking have that urge.

Whatever, you went out, you did it. What the fuck are you gonna do? But oh well, I was good for long enough. Anyways, he's a little socially awkward and quiet, which I initially thought was cute, but found out there's a lot more awkwardness in him. I don't know. The date itself was awkward, but I was horny

and he's a nice guy, so I wanted to get it in. All right, this person's not fucking around here. He started by nestling his head in my breast and rubbing his nose on them in between and all around. He did this also when I got on top of him, but when he did it, he did something extremely strange. He squeezed my breast very rapidly, almost as if to honk them.

I laughed at first because I thought he was playing, but he kept doing that, and then he did the same thing to my ass multiple times. Oh my God. She says, I'm well in doubt in both of those areas, so I understand him playing with them, but something was strange about it. This is really fucking weird me out.

I don't know why. I go, go, go, go, go, go, and then beat you down low, bo-go, bo-go, bo-go. Was he doing it like at the same time, or was he alternating with each hands? He should have been doing that while winking either eye, you know? Just completely freaking you out, occasionally sticking his tongue out.

He'd go into some sort of fucking epileptic seizure. Anyway, she said, when he touched me anywhere else, he would only use the palm of his hand. At one point, we were laying next to each other on the bed. Maybe he just doesn't know what he's doing, and I guess he remembered, I said I liked my hair pulled, so he randomly grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked it.

This sounds like somebody who can't dance, trying to dance to something up-tempo. This is fucking horrific. I feel horrible for this guy. Like this is like, this is such a bad performance. This is like a first round draft pick bust. Like three games in, you're like, oh my God, what did we just throw a million dollars at?

This is over. Give this guy a clipboard. Anyways, she said we were not even having sex yet, and it wasn't like he guided my head to his lap or anything. What? When we finally did have sex, it lasted less than a minute, and I'm not exaggerating.

When he told me he was about to finish, I told him to get on top so he could have more control. But he put all of his body weight on me and was done in half a stroke. Oh my God. All in one. All right, he fucking threw the Hail Mary. Again, I'm not exaggerating.

He went down on me to compensate, and I'll spare you further details, but he knew nothing about what he was doing. Yeah, I kind of gathered that. I was nice throughout this because I never thought, because I never would want to give anyone a complex. But when you fucking said where you live, that's why I feel bad about this.

I'm gonna have to have that bleeped out. I'm gonna bleep that out. I don't wanna fucking blow up anybody's phone. 38 minutes in, all right, all right, all right. 39 minutes in. I'll spare you the further details, but he knew nothing about what he was doing. I was nice throughout this

because I never would want to give anyone a complex. But dude, what the fuck? Did I just fucking autistic man or a virgin? He's 26 and he's a sweet guy. I almost want to teach him, but I don't want to insult him, any advice. All right, well, first things first, do you like the guy? Do you even like the guy?

Before you get involved in this, the money pit here, as far as fixer up houses goes. I don't know, I don't know if you were just trying to be funny, but from the way you described this, you know, there has to be a jumping off point. Ah, who knows? Who knows? Maybe, I don't know, I don't fucking know.

26 years old. I don't know, and he's fucking grabbing your ass. Like, if you see somebody who knows how to make an omelet really quick and can fucking open them up, eggs with one hand, it's like he's doing that with your fucking titties in your ass, it's just weird. But you see, all right, I'm gonna go with you like him

because what can you do? Jesus Christ, where to start? You didn't even mention him kissing you. You know, I don't know, I think this guy's fucking weird. The fuck was with the nose all around your titties? I don't know what to tell you, I gotta give you advice here because this is the advice part. I almost wanna teach him, I don't wanna insult him

any advice. How the fuck do you go about this? It's just such a fucking, you know, usually when you give somebody advice, you know, who's sensitive, what you do is you compliment the things that they did well first and then you ease into, hey, this could maybe use a little work here, not saying you're bad

because you did this well, just saying this over here. Maybe, is there, did he do anything well? How was he when he pulled his pants back up? Was that pretty smooth? You know, he gets balls stuck in the zipper, was he able to not do that? Maybe he could start with that. Ah, Jesus, isn't this, this is why women are so amazing,

the fact that she's actually willing to work with this. She's gonna try to make this work. I don't know. I guess I would try and figure out something that he did well and I would compliment that and then I would just start chipping away at the mountain. I wouldn't try to bring the whole mountain down in one day, but you know, just know you got a long fucking road

ahead of you. Jesus Christ, you took two years off from sex and now you, you know, it sounds like you were having sex with like the first robot ever and there was somebody like controlling him, you know, and they had an inability to, they have robot hands caress.

So I went, you know, come and caress, caressing, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, was just, he was kneading dough. Oh, Jesus. Hey, good luck with that. I'm sorry. I gotta start sending DVDs to people who I just can't fucking come up with anything.

I got nothing. All right, nicknames. Bill, what is the best way to respond to a nickname that you hate? I recently got one due to a simple rhyme with my name. I didn't do anything stupid or country to earn it. It was funny at first, but after a few months, I find myself getting annoyed and angry

when called by this name. Most people have moved on and stopped calling me that. However, two or three people still greet me with it every chance they get. How do I shed this name without looking like a douche and potentially making things worse? All right, first of all, you don't let on how much it bugs you.

And then what you do is you come back, giving them the fucking howitzer. All right, you gotta come back with the anti-aircraft. You gotta look, you gotta come up with nicknames for these fucking people. Just start with one guy. Don't do all three at once. They'll know what you're up to.

Just pick one guy, all right? We're gonna slowly whack these guys one by one. Get this dude, that guy, then you get Mo Green through his fucking glasses and we're done. They got a big nose, something physically fucked up about their face. They got man-tits. They'll get it real quick.

They're calling you something. Yeah, what's up there? Flabby tits or man-tits or just something, something about them that you know that they hate about themselves. Hopefully something that's unfixable. You know, unless they went under the knife and God knows what, don't do it in Romania, right?

That's what I would do. But the first thing you do is do not let on that it bugs you. So when they call you, whatever they call you, just sort of laugh, big smile, and then you just fucking hit them with, you give them the ol' right there, Fred. All right?

That'll shut them up, hopefully. That's what I would do. Or you just quit your job if all else fails. You get the fuck out of there. Change your name. But the worst thing you wanna do is go, stop calling me that. Then that just, it's fucking, it's over.

It's over. Then you have live action Twitter in your fucking life, getting trashed 24 seven, live action Facebook or whatever. All right, embarrassing. Bill, I can't spell for shit. So let it go before you start hitching. You know what, go fuck yourself.

I gotta sit here and I gotta undo all of this. Embarrassing, he spells that wrong. Embarrassing. He spelled E, embarrassing. He spelled it E-M-B-A-R-S-S-I-N-G. See people, I'm not the only one dumb. I'm just gonna read this how he wrote it. I can't spell for shit.

So let it go before you start hitching. Funny story, wanted to share it with capital Y-A. I promise this is true. An older man I know had gotten a vasectomy, he spelled it right, with this new age laser treatment they do. It's an in and out kind of treatment now. Was asked to come back a week or two later

to make sure everything held up the way it was supposed to. When he got there, he told the lady behind the desk why he was there and she handed him a cup and told him they needed a sample and pointed to the bathroom. Oh no, did she mean jizz or whiz? Waiting him, which was filled with people, FYI. He went in and 15 minutes later came out

with a cup of mangu and proceeded to walk past the people and place the cup on their desk. She slowly looked up at him and told him in front of everyone that she only needed a urine test. Ha ha ha, oh my God. I really hope that's true. How do you fuck it? Well, she only gave him a cup.

The fuck was he supposed to do? They hand you a cup, that means to rub one out, right? They hand you, they give you that plastic bottle that means you're supposed to pee in it. They do that shit all the time at doctor's offices. Like they just forget, because they're there and it doesn't mean shit

and they will just yell out, you know, anything. You just come walking in, hey, doctor, so-and-so, hey, how are you? Did it clear up? We just look at the one clear up and they immediately think he's got something on his balls, man, is that contagious? That's fucking hilarious.

God damn it, that's fucking embarrassing. I wonder what kind of a bathroom it was. Did it have multiple toilets or people coming in there pissing and he's over there? They probably make a noise because the doctor, because he feels the doctor said to do it, that it's like somehow okay. Oh, by the way, this is sort of a hacky shit joke

and I don't wanna do it on stage, but I'm sick of people complaining about people blowing out the bathroom. Oh my God, this guy came in, he fucking blew out the bathroom. Well, maybe next time he should take a shit in the kitchen. You know, that's what it's for. It's designed so you can sit down and take a shit.

You want him to go outside in the yard? It's like being mad, bacon smells like bacon. Jesus, what the fuck did you eat? I don't know, something healthy. And then it stayed in me for a couple of fucking days. It went through nine miles of intestinal, you know, clinging on to other shit there. What does your shit smell like?

I never understood that. Like when I go into a bathroom and somebody blew it out, I fucking makes me laugh. It's just a face you're making, trying not to smell it, it's fucking hilarious. That's it, and when people get mad that babies cry on planes, when babies start crying on planes, I just start laughing

because I just feel like they're expressing everything that I'm feeling, but I'm not socially allowed. I would love to just start crying. I don't want to be on another fucking plane. The second they say expedite the boarding process, I just want to start fucking crying. Anyways, X won't move out. Oh, Jesus Christ, here's a fucking situation.

Hey Bill, huge fan of yours, love the Monday Morning Podcast. I will keep this short as I know you don't like to read. I like to read, I'm just not good at it. I'm like someone who likes to play drums, but stinks at it. I recently bought a house and asked my girlfriend of three years to move in with me. We have been living together for about six months

and then we broke up. She was the worst. All of my friends and family did not like her and she wouldn't let me hang out with friends. No, no, no, let's put that in proper perspective. It's not that she wouldn't let you hang out with friends. She asked you not to and you agreed to it. All right, you have the power, sir.

Anyways, she wouldn't let me hang out with my friends or watch any games with friends ever, all in caps. I tried to get her to hang out with her friends, but she was so insecure she never trusted me. Even after three years of loyalty. Anyways, we broke up about three weeks ago. No one cheated, lied, or stole from one another. It was just time to move on.

However, she keeps saying she's going to move out, but doesn't. I don't want to throw her out on the street, but what do I do? But I do want her out as it's just not healthy for me to keep living with her. Also, she refuses to pay any bills or help with the mortgage. What's a fair amount of time to give her

before I just go legal on her? Well, hindsight's 2020, you should have told her from day one when she had to be out by. The fact that she's not paying any bills or anything like that, I mean, it's just like, I would just hit her with a little two-pronged attack here. I would just go, listen, we broke up three. How would you dip into this fuck?

Oh, give us a fuck. I was gonna say, hey, how's the apartment hunting coming? I would just go right at it. I would just say, listen, it's been three weeks and I really don't think it's healthy for us to be around each other. When do you think you're gonna be out of here by? And let her answer, Emman Hall, and then just say,

listen, I will, I need you to be out by this date because I have to get somebody else in here to help me with the mortgage. All right, you're not paying any bills or helping me with the mortgage. So this isn't fair to me. So you need to be out of here. And her name isn't on the mortgage.

So worst case scenario, one day she goes to work, you call in sick, pack up all this shit and fucking put it out on the front lawn, you're out. And what's she gonna say? What's she gonna do? Call the fucking cops. You don't have to go legal on her, get the fuck out of here. This is my house, we broke up.

Get out, out, you, out, get out. Actually, I don't know if she has anything legal. I have no idea. I don't fucking know, but that's what I would do. I would give her a definitive date. You need to be out by this time. And I don't know. What else, I don't know what else I would do.

My, there's a stupid, we get it. We're on the Mississippi with the fucking horn. I get it. Just make up some shit, too. I need you out by the 15th of next month. You know, my uncle, my second uncle lives in Tennessee. He's got tuberculosis. He's moving in and he's bringing that machine with him.

So you gotta get the fuck out of here. All right, that's the podcast for this week, everybody. I know it was kind of a short one. Oh, Jesus, 52 minutes, I can't do that to you. Well, I could, technically I could if I wanted to. If I wanted to be a dick about it. I just got, I got a bunch of scenes tomorrow and I got to learn all my fucking lines.

That's why I'm doing this thing early. Hey, you gotta admit when I'm shooting something, the fucking podcast comes out on time. This is gonna be three weeks in a row with this thing being out like Sunday night in most areas. So how about a little props? You know, how about for once, you don't give me shit. You actually give me a little bit of a,

oh fuck, I gotta be somewhere in 40 minutes. God damn it. All right, this is an extra short one. I apologize. I'll try and make it up with a longer one over the last couple of weeks. So they have been long. All right, I gotta get moving here.

Fucking Christ. All right, that's the podcast for this week. Now that the show's over, don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere on your TV, PC, smartphone or tablet. Support this podcast also and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus

when you go to the podcast page at billbird.com. Click on the Hulu Plus banner or go to huluplus.com slash bill. That's huluplus.com slash bill. Thank you for listening. Oh, everybody in Scotland, the Glasgow date is on sale. I have the link up on billbird.com and Monday today, when I guess when you're listening

to this, we added a second show at the Beacon Theatre in New York City. So I'll be adding a link for that when I get the time. I think the entire European date is up there. All those tickets are on sale. What else went on sale? San Jose, Seattle, Philly and I think D.C. I think all of those are on sale.

So I got a bunch of shows out there that are all on sale. Oh, People of Scotland. It would be great if you showed up by the way because we had to really fight with them to find some sort of venue because they didn't think anybody was gonna show up when I was out there. So I'm at some venue that has a lower area

and an upper area. So, I don't know. Let's see if we can get a couple of people up in the upper deck too, if you can, all right? Just call every cut, you know, and come on down. All right, I have at least a new hour and a half since the last time I was fucking there. I want to be great if you came down and saw it.

All right, that's the podcast for this week. Don't take any shit, go fuck yourselves and I'll talk to you next Monday. Warm Things Up This Spring with a trip to Cirrillas where romance finds fantasy. While flowers are blooming outside, bring them inside with a hugely popular rose toy from NS Novelties.

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