Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-24-23

Episode Date: August 24, 2023

Bill rambles with Josh Homme about aliens, dressing room riders, and rock.  Check out Queens of the Stone Age's new album 'In Times New Roman' and see them on tour. Helix: Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners in honor of Labor Day!   Go to www.HelixSleep.com/BURR and use code HELIXPARTNER25

What's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday, Morning Podcast. And as always, I'm just checking in on you. Seeing all your lives going and we already did the two shot. We have an amazing guest here, one of my favorite people and musicians and bands. Josh Hommie from Queens of the Stone Age, who says, do not promote his album, I'm gonna because I love this album in Times New Roman. I think that's almost like how dyslexy, how I would be.

You almost bled that almost. Roman in Times, I'm like, is that how it is? No, it's in Times New Roman, and I've been listening to this thing. I don't know if you noticed, but I'm back in the gym. I don't know if you noticed it a little more. You're looking really hot. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going to,

I only have a double cheeseburger left here. I got rid of the Wendy's triple, we're working our way down The night of dinner you were looking really trivots like who is this hot guy and I was like that's Bill You're like am I looking in a mirror And I aged 40 years. Oh wait That's that gentleman named Bill, but this album. I'm just gonna I'm gonna get past the compliments and then you can get Yeah, it's gonna make me uncomfortable. I'm gonna say all right. It's all due to you if you do it to me is a watch watch okay I'll

fucking take that I'm vain I'll hear it's one of those out I listened to it right the first time I was like two songs that really grabbed me then I was like I don't think I'm smart enough for this album and then three of them in I'm like this fucking album is unbelievable and now it's just playing on a loop on the optical into the car and it just keeps going and I I like it's you guys are really one of the most unique nobody sounds like you guys and then every time I think I know What your sound is you come up with a new album and you change it a little bit and then I got to try to catch up Well, you know you have to you have to you know

Ideally someone hears you and within a few seconds. They know it's you even though there's that change there You know because and I appreciate you saying that and and it's supposed to be a 50th listen thing Yeah, because there's some things you hear them a few times you like I got it. I'm good No, you love it the first time you're gonna hate it by the third time right. It's just it's sort of gonna run It's core it's gonna be like fruit stripe that that gum where you're like first four pumps of that, it's fucking amazing. And then, it is, you're like, this is the greatest gum I've ever had.

Within 47 seconds, you're like, who the, what the fuck are we having? I have that breath again. Like what the fuck happened to this? Again. And so ideally it's there, much like that submersible, it goes really deep. And you can do everything about it.

And then it crushes itself. And you can do everything about it. And then it crushes itself. Oh, I missed that. Oh yeah. I was big on that story. Deep down. You like that? I do that bit the night you came out.

You actually did a great bit that night. Yes. And was I- I hate that there's a bit of it. Have you been working that bit? Or is that, that was just, because you did a bunch of lots of stuff. That was one of those ones that just came out. I kind of liked the idea of these billionaires going down to

look at, you know, what should have been dead billionaires, but they got off. Yeah, Fred, they were first. So looking like women and children third. Yeah. Who would have worked for me 120 years ago? They went down to look at that and then they end up like dying. And then I also loved how everybody, you know, on social media, because it is such a me thing, made the story about themselves and what they would have done

and how they never would have got on the thing and all of that type of stuff. And then, you know, there was some race thing there where this is like white people problems. It was a lot. Well, and then there was also like, you know, your armchair engineers, they were like the carbon fiber that was that, you know, where people are like critiquing the build.

I still don't get the weight of water on you. It's like I'm in it, man, I'm part of it. You know what I mean? It's like I get if a safe is on me, but there's something that it's a liquid that it also has to weigh. The lower you go, the pressure of the, yeah. I ended up, it took me forever to understand air pressure

in air, but now like water, it's just like, wait, so like all that. Air pressure in air as it pertains like flying choppers and it took me a while to figure that out. What, wait, what is the wind? What happens in a heavy wind with the chopper? That seems, I'm terrified by going diagonal and down. Well, it depends on, like what, what, but what are you thinking when you hit a high wind and you're like, oh, I mean,

does that turn from joystick to like no joystick? Well, I've only had experienced severe turbulence a couple of times and we just landed and your thoughts were we need the land because well, we were in what we were in was a light helicopter and then it was just a two-bladed underslung system. so you could have like a mass pump. So what you're supposed to do when that happens is you slow down. If you fly in 90 knots, you go down to like 60, you slow down and then you decide

from either kind of let the wind do what it wants to, you don't fight it. But you don't try to correct into it and... You don't fight. And what about things like, you know, you're on a plane, you hit a pocket where you drop with a pressure changes in a helicopter. That's, see, that's like, that's why I would be like, this is where I ship my pants,

right? Or is this where I ship in your pants? No, it's so, it's all like, what you have to understand is that the, the, the, the rotor blades are shaped just like wings. It's the same shape and it's the same principle. It's just, the engine makes them, you know, is making them move where the plane is stationary. That's why you need all that forward movement to maintain lift and that's why we can hover.

Right. But when do I ship my pants? All the whole time. Anytime you're in a light aircraft, you are shitting your pants. Yeah, it's like, oh, that's just coming off the mountains. That's totally normal. Yeah, there's like a lot of cross rubbing and like a little bit of... No, no, you know what I have? I have this app that's called Windy. And you click on Windy and then you just, it just showed us sort of...

If he knows it's Windy. Yeah, everybody knows it's Windy and there's this certain amount of, it's not even not, it's what it really is, is gusting. That's what's scary. What it's like, eight knots, gusty, it's 25. Yeah, the unexpected gusting. That's what's scary. It's like eight nuts, gusty, and 25. Yeah, the unexpected gusts.

Yes, so that life, when it can get scary, but I fly a fully articulated mainboard system. So I don't have to worry about mass bumps and low G pushovers. However, it is a light aircraft. I fly when it's nice out. That makes all sense to me. I fly when it's nice out.

Right, you do it Sunday fly. And one of the things that I do, as I'm trying to do, is not talk to people who don't fly about aviation, because you drive right a motorcycle. Yes. Is there anything better than talking to somebody who also rides?

Yes. Oh, so you're talking about the flying gap. So what happens is that it's not fun. No, people all they do is talk about you dying. That's all they have to bring to the conversation. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? pants thing to the table because all I have to give in regards to it. But you'll also like write a motorcycle in Los Angeles when everyone's like on some sort of legalized weed looking at their phones. Totally.

And going over the double line. And I love the focus of it because you might die. I love that. I don't. Some people have like headphones where they're like, Susie, should we stop and get something, you know, they're talking to their, they're significant other on the back of the, not me or they're listening to music, not me. I'm just, right, you know, I like the focus that if you're the one going the fastest, you only have to worry about what's in front of you.

That's exactly right. That's what people do. You also got the bigger bike with the bags. And I feel like, well, I have a couple, I have a couple, there's a couple lane splitting bike. It is important to get to the front so people don't have to notice you. Right.

So at any, you know, getting faster and also you have to learn to throttle through trouble, which is a really scary notion. There's some pants shitting there too. I am the biggest, not owning a motorcycle guy, motorcycle guy you're ever gonna meet. And I, oh, you mean you like the idea, but it's just too. biggest not owning a motorcycle guy motorcycle guy you're ever gonna meet and I you mean you like the idea but it's just too. No I had one for like I was telling

the story I had one like six weeks and I had a triumph Bonneville and I loved it and I all I wanted to do was go from sunset take it all the way out to the beach yeah just that was my first ride that I wanted to do and you know somebody came over the double line when I was in a turn and I had to come up, just for a split second, but I felt like I was gonna go right into the fucking trees or lose my head. And then when I finally stopped to get gas, like a half hour later, I got off and I noticed

I was sort of shaking and I was like, is that from the vibration of the engine? And it was just like, oh no, it's because I thought I was gonna die. So then I did something I never do is I prayed to go. Please don't let, but and I said yes, if you let me get this thing back to Dean's garage, I will never ride it again. And I never did. But recently in April, I went to the MotoGP race at Coda, so of the Americas. And we were talking about going to the aisle of man

to do the TT to check out the TT. And I was even suggesting we get a chopper that we could hover over the race somehow, like add the skills of being a fan and your skillset, you know. Yeah, that would be, like, follow the bikes, because they go by so fast, and you know, their sheep's in the road. And literally, is it sheep or sheep's?

Well, I think there's probably more than one. No, I don't know what it is. It's a sheep, of course. It's sheep. But it sounds cute to say sheep's. I had an ideal childhood, you know, but grew up on a farm with a bunch of sheep. No, but they do say, they say they say couch sheep, not couching sheep. One of my thing is, my thing is, my favorite thing is people, not only fucking up saying,

but combining them. Oh, my, this is what, like you're not the smart, he's not the smartest, he's not the smartest tool in the shed. Yeah. It's the latest one I had. It's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Right. Or what someone says, it's not rocket surgery. Where it's like, you said that. It's not the sharpest tool in the ship. Right. Or what someone says.

It's not rocket surgery. Where it's like, yeah, it isn't rocket surgery. Yeah, I write them down. You want to hear a few? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Let's do this for you and for some of the listeners here. Where are they?

I this now, if I actually had some sort of production value, this would have been ready to do. In the end while you're doing this, I got to tell my mom does this all the time. And so she, this is just totally lost. Okay, here we go. Okay, give me one and I'll tell you about the mom's break. They should know each other like clockwork. You are a piece of dirt that I wouldn't piss on

if you were on fire. He's not the brightest bulb to come down the pipe. No shit, Captain Obvious. That's another one. He's not the brightest bulb to come down the pipe. No shit, Captain Obvious. That's another one. Worth the trade offer. Yeah. Futal attempt versus futile.

The futile like feud. All right, one last one. Swares. What's that futile? Swares like a fish. Oh. Well, my mom has this problem where she just naturally combines them.

Right. So she said to my dad the other day, I don't, you don't have to man scape to me. Oh my God. And I was like, I was like, also don't do it to me as well. I don't want my dad man escaping anywhere. It's explaining. Yeah. Yeah.

That's clear. That's pretty progressive for her to even know what that is, right? Sure. Yeah. Man's gaping. You know, my lovely wife, Nia, went to go see the Barbie movie and she came home. She told me how funny it was and how awesome it was. And I was like, I would have loved to see that with you.

Why didn't you take me? She goes, you're too misogynistic for that moment. And I got mad for like fucking three minutes. And then I thought about this. Ah, and she's right. Possibly. But in this in this hot hot heat I'd almost sit through any move see I in the desert I love Ryan Gosling so in Margot Robbie's gorgeous. They're both gorgeous. I'm just happy that they cast to somebody gorgeous Yeah, I thought they're gonna do that, you know, well, yeah Have you have that guy that that played like Sowitz on, uh, fucking NYPD blue?

Yeah, I just like, why, why can't, why can't he play this part? What's wrong with you? He should be able to death. Yeah, like exactly. Yeah, shouldn't it be about the performance? It is. And not as mustache, especially in the Barbie movie. Exactly.

You know, but see, in this, I grow up in the desert in the summer when it's hot like it is. I don't care what it was. It was just two hours in the desert in the summer when it's hot like it is. I didn't care what it was. It was just two hours in the dark and the cold, right? You know, so would you have gone to see the Barbie movies? Would you? Yeah, I would have been, I would have ruined it for. Because that's what always happens. Last movie I went to go see with her was The Whale,

which I kept calling Fatso. You want to go see Fatso just because it's, because it's so stupidly inappropriate. And how was it? It was fantastic. And I loved it, but she gave me a whole speech before we went in. She goes, no laughing in inappropriate moments, no making jokes. And then of course, a second I got in there.

I was trying to guess where the movie was going. So something struck me as funny. And she was cold and she was leaning on me. So she felt me going like this. And then she got totally mad. She got mad, you know, mad, mad, but got upset. And she like went away from me. But fortunately, it was so cold in the theater

when I took my jacket off and gave it to her. Yeah, it was a broad, you had a guy. I made it back. Yeah, you made it back. You made it up your point. It was a fantastic movie. And I absolutely loved it. Totally think, you know, I love Brendan Frazier

and all that, but I mean, I think he was, I think his performance in Cinal Man was powerful, but I guess I never saw that coming that he would. But that's the thing, I think acting is so, whenever I do an acting gig and if somebody finds out I do stand up, they always say, oh my God, that's like the hardest gig ever. It's like, it isn't. I am 100% in control of what I have to do and what I have to say. And it's a bit one way and it's own way, right?

It's one way conversation. It's really the control, right? So I can stay totally within my comfort zone. That's also how you don't grow as a comedian, but I can just stay like, I don't want to start singing up here because I can't sing to go to anything like that. You get into an acting gig and it's like, whatever they wrote, you basically have to do.

And then you do it and you're at the mercy of the editor, the music and all that. And they can literally make you go from okay to great, or if you did something great, they can drag it down to. Well, that's what I'm saying. Isn't it, there's so many people involved in making something like that. It seems so difficult to guarantee

that your best performance wouldn't be on the cutting room floor or just of no consequence for telling the broader story. And so you just sort of pissed away all this hard work. It just seems difficult. And then also you never prove yourself as an actor. I feel like they just, you have, you just constantly going, I want to play that role. Well, can you play that role? It's like, I want to fucking Oscar. Yeah, and it's just like well

You know that we wanted the two thousands Yeah, so shouldn't I be like 13 years better and it's just like just watching them like Like I don't once I go into a club and I come in and I'm a nice guy and I killed I didn't have to resend him a tape the next year to see if I could come back to do it. It's just like I had proven I was funny. I feel like as an actor, you just have to, you just, it never ends. Do you think you're at the point now in this acting situation

where you can, do you feel you're comfortable enough to like, yeah, I see the screen direction, I do this, but you're having enough input and the stuff that you're doing, or is it still? Oh, no, I just do what I do, and if the director doesn't like it, I just go, well, I do this, but you're having enough input and the stuff that you're doing. Or is it still? Oh, no, I just do what I do, and if the director doesn't like it, I just go, well, what do you want me to do?

Yeah, right. Give me a line read, I don't give a shit. Just get what you want, and let's go home. Let's get out of here. That's my number one thing. I wanna be on the set, be on time, know all my lines, and whatever the director tells me to do, I'm like, oh, I hate, I'll do that.

Well, it's weird, directing is one of the last autonomous jobs, where you can be, you're kind of a dictator of the situation. You understand the overarching need that you have, like the total needs, to make something. It's that there's not a lot of jobs that are that much in control of an entire situation.

And it's actually only getting that gig one time. And how did that go? For what? I'm not allowed to say, man, because of the strike. Oh, real, okay. I'm not allowed to say, what? Yeah, so I directed something that is unknown to everyone. It's gonna come out at some point,

and I'm not allowed to say when. Oh, that sounds great. So, we don't want wanna talk about the homeless guy that you almost hit with your car the other day. That entered the act. It's because we were at dinner and we were talking about Moose sharing a smoothie. Moose.

Two... Two... Two straws. Two curly straws with shamos on them from SeaWorld. Yeah. One cup. And we were talking about wanting to not need to use your act, but oh yeah. And just picking up things. Oh yeah, I was talking about how, especially

on a night, because we went to dinner and then afterwards I had a show at the Adam Ray's show where he was being Dr. Phil. Dr. Phil. At the main room with the store. So it's like, I had to go out and do a stand-up set. So on some like that, people are not paying to see me. So I'm gonna try out new stuff. So on those nights, it's all about like, you're not needing to use your act. Avoiding your act. Right.

But so we almost hit a homeless guy that was really, frankly, not too afraid of any of the cars on the road. He wasn't aware he was in the road. Right. But he was sort of like, yeah, I mean, but he was sort of like, ah, you know, I mean, in man versus car is always a car of the wins. But he was, and he was sort of jig-jagging

or whatever that's the thing. We ended up having to go different ways around because he was so, and then you ended up opening with a bit about, I don't know about that guy. About that guy. I was saying, yeah, those things. And I almost like, that's my boy because. Yeah.

I was saying they caught up from the sewers. And this country is going to, and it's so awful. They got mental illness. And I really built it an empathetic way. And I said, this country is going to change. As we start welding those manhole covers. Shut up.

Just went, you know, the other way. Like the John Carpenter movie they live. Did you ever see that one? Is that the one with Raudi-Raudi Piper? Is that the one I've chewed bubble gum? I'm all on bubble gum. Yeah, I'm all on it. And there's like a 15 minute fight scene.

It's so long. So good. There's just, it's got a nod to pro wrestling. It's so good because it's really, it's very current in its story because it's about the marketing and propaganda, but it's done by aliens and they're constantly marketing and, you know. Okay, and have we all sort of collectively agreed that there are aliens now?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure, yeah. Is that what happened? Yeah, build that wall. Or no, you know, it's for, no. No, not the Trump ones that he was talking about. Yeah, I mean, because he didn't realize liberal artists are greatest to pirates. Yeah, that's already, they don't.

We'd already built it in thrown them in jails. Yeah. And then he got blamed for the whole fucking thing. Yeah, he was the first guy. Well, but the our greatest pilots, our true top gun pilots have all seen, that did you see the one where this thing descends and shoots right into the ocean?

It was our greatest pilot, it was like, what the fuck, and they're seeing it on the radar. It's a weather balloon. Which I've never seen. Yeah. Yeah. What, can we pull up a picture of a weather balloon? Cause when I was growing up as,

oh, it's a weather balloon, it's a refraction of the light. Yeah, that would work though. Someone would say this high speed moving object that's moving in a way that's beyond all technology. And it's like, yeah, well, it's a weather balloon. It's a weather balloon. And someone would go, oh. Or military technology that they have,

that they know about, but for our own security, we don't. For your own good. Yeah. It's for your own good that you accept that it's a weather balloon. Do you accept that it's a weather blow Do you know that they sit find out that there's a whole bunch of other earths? Do you think that God is sort of looking at it like which earth is gonna win? Well, who really he's got a pocket full of ones up there with the devil just like doing a gambling thing?

He needs to devil. Yeah, you need some by the way You know what I mean if everybody's sat around and fucking agreed with them. Of course, he had to invent someone to argue with him. He invented conflict. Right. So you know, there's a puns. Yes, he did all the stuff they don't bring up. They don't bring it. It's all it's a ball washing every Sunday. It's all the beautiful stuff that he did. Not all the fucked up stuff. Do you know, to let him know what a good day is, you know, to tell Abraham to kill his son. That

was kind of a dick move. And then to be like, nah, just kidding. Oh, your name. Abraham's just like, God, you know, this. It's a weather. Oh, well, I mean, it looks just like a flying saucer right down the bottom. Well, there you go. There you go. That's what it is. Wait, wait, wait a second. Why is it- Why is it- Why is it- I might have believed it's that high? Yeah. Okay. All right, I believe it.

Aaron just goes, yep. Yeah, that was so like that. That's not Photoshop. Okay. But why isn't that the biggest story in the world? That's how you know how fucked up the world has gotten is that the UFO and the government saying, yeah, okay, yeah, there it is. Because I don't think there's enough people focused on any one thing anymore.

But how is that not the biggest, I mean, yeah, it's the biggest, why isn't that the everyone's talking about? They gotta get, they gotta give people a chance to write the third testament. And then adjust the story and say, no, but God did give us the third testament. You guys just weren't ready for it. And here it is, from a weather balloon over Florida, dropping down.

And still, God loves us the best. Yeah. And we still pray to white Jesus. I love that. You know, the funny thing about the Bible is that it does start out with, I mean, incest. I mean, that's the only way it kind of is. That, I mean, it'd be like,

I like that we all came out of the ocean. Like, you know, when the turtles, little turtles go into the ocean, they get eaten by the birds. I like that we all came out. How would that work though? So if you're a fish and you're just like, I wanna go on land and you try and you die and someone else is like, did you see what Gary just did?

I wanna try too and eventually it works. Is that what happens? I don't know. You know what kills all my points? Follow up questions. Well, how would that work? I don't know. You know what kills all my points? Follow up questions. Well, how would that work? You know what? I don't know.

I have no idea. I kind of, you know, then there's that Neil deGrasse Tyson, who I feel like is mainstream smart. Right. I don't buy that this guy should be smart. He's smart. He's just talking to that. But we wouldn't know, right?

So you wouldn't know you don't get to get. You just assume. That's like we talking to regular people like, wow, you're really funny. But unless a comedian said, I've never seen a scientist say, you know, that Neil deGrasse Tyson. Well, I think plus he, it's, he wears sort of an ask God type of thing. Sometimes he's doing some of the fashion moves that would make it. It's a doctor Phil vibe.

Yeah. Yeah. A little bit. A little bit of Phil was a therapist. And at some point that just helping people board him. And he was like, I want my own bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit.

A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit.

A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. you don't fucking kill yourself. Some kind of confirmation that you're headed the right direction by the audience.

Yeah, I just picture him like, like his former patients, I just want to be like, when he had hair and he was talking, how did that go? Did he feel bored? That he wanted more, this got to be something more than just doing this one on one. I want an all female audience and just, you know, for the most part, agree with the female

perspective so I can get like a big fucking house. It's a weird thing. Yeah, it's a weird thing. And also you're doing, you're, you're being like, well he's not the father. I mean, that's what you're doing is like doing those kind of reveals all day. Oh, that was, yeah. And I mean, it's a little, you know, but that kind of daytime help. You know, it was funny on the way over here. There was a guy in a Jeep Rubicon and he had his spare tire cover said one life live it. And I was sitting there going like, Oh, we, we, we, Hell yeah, man.

Were you that in the moment when you bought that Jeep Rubicon? I was 100% present when they upsold me from the Jeep Wrangler. With that on there, that came with it. It's like, you're welcome, man. You're welcome. One life with it. It's unsolicited life advice. And then also, by having that on your car, you're suggesting that that's what you're doing.

Yeah, you're all but guaranteeing that being in the Rubicon is proof positive. Like I'm doing, man. It's a little bit like, it's right, I just wake up every day. It's the counterpoint to the bedbath and beyond like it's wine 30. You know all those towels that they have?

Like mommy juice, you know? Like, that's all for people who've never been arrested in their life. It's like all of their, everything's like comfy and like soft and shit like that, but. Nasty, it's very nasty. Very nasty, I'm nesting, I'm a foodie, I'm an empath. I'm an empath, I'm on my journey.

I'm on my journey, I'm having a cheat day. This is just all excuses. I'm having, for being selfish and just fucking. Actually, cheat day sounds like an amazing porn series. That would be the ultimate if your wife caught you. I'm having a cheat day. I starved all week. I'm having a cheat day. You didn't fuck me all week and I'm fucking banging somebody else. Oh my god, that's fantastic. That's a great fucking conceptcentral, but you know they to every once in a while Yeah, there needs to be a problem, but they'll they they try to have a little bit of humor

Yeah, and there needs to be a problem in each portal that they're solving the person who's cheating has to be a hundred percent indignant Yeah, I'm having my Don't body shame. He don't Fucking what what do they call what do they call it? What's that smart word when you're you don't fuck around? Yeah, don't monogamy shame me. The monogamy shame. Monogamy shame. Monogamy come home.

Something like that. This is why I believe that Colligamy, I believe in aliens and one life live it. Live it. Absolutely. I like one of the kids people who say you gotta take it in. You gotta be-

And Joe, that's not possible. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- They'll both be in bed. You know, when you have just like a little bit of baby shit on your cheek somehow, like after all you've done, and you look up and you're like, oh my God, now you've just made it bigger. You just really have to just take that in. Yeah, yeah to be present. Yeah, yeah. Cause you know, it's just gonna like, you know, it's gonna go by so fast.

And it's just like, look, this, everybody's, if you have kids, it's gonna fly by. And no matter how much time you spend with them, you're not gonna feel like you spent enough. So these fucking people who have older kids, they put this fucking pressure on you that this shit that they can't even live up to. But have you got to the point yet where,

so nostalgia is not my favorite thing because I take. Yeah, it's a little bit of a bummer, but have you gotten to the point, yeah, your kids are now getting a little older, six, three, where you take your, with your six-year-old and you see, you know, the two-year-old shoe and you just hold that shoe

and you're like, no, you haven't got to that spot yet. Me either, fuck that, that's not real. No, I don't do that because I started so late, so the fact that they're getting older, you know, and I have- You're like, thank God, I can finally start to do something. No, I don't do that because I started so late. So the fact that they're getting older, you know, and I have. You're like, thank God, I can finally start to do something. No, I haven't died yet. I'm like, okay, this is good. Well, there's still time.

But I also like, because I just a little shoe. It's amazing. It's just like a regular shoe. I've got them. God damn little shoe. It's so amazing. He looks, everybody. Talk about how important a good night's sleep is to having a good day.

I'll tell you right now, if I don't get eight hours, I'm calling someone to cut within the first 20 minutes. You can believe that. It's not true, but you know, just figured I'd go big. Thought he was still there. The Helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award-winning Luxe collection, the newly released Helix Elite collection and a mattress design for big and tall sleepers.

Even a mattress made just for kids. Who would have thought, you know, I thought they would still sleep on the floor, Eric. So how will you know which Helix mattress works best for you and your body? Everybody is unique and everyone sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models to choose from, each design for specific sleep positions and feel preferences. Models with memory foam layers to provide optimal pressure relief if you sleep on your side, models with a more responsive foam to cradle your body for essential support in the stomach,

the stomach and the back sleeping positions. Oh, if you lay on your front is what they're saying. They didn't want to say you dick. Plus enhance cooling features to keep you from overheating at night. Plus, Helix mattresses all come with a 10 to 15 year warranty depending on the model. Don't want to take my word for it. Don't worry about it. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired magazine. It is even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine as a go-to solution for improving your sleep.

Do you think they say that when they're picking up chicks? And what do you do? I'm a doctor of sleep medicine. Helix is offering 25% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners in honor of Labor Day. Go to helix sleep.com slash burr and use the code helix partners 25. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long with Helix better sleep starts now H E L I X P A R T N E R 2 5. This is guy Brian the bootmaker. He's like a 26 year old cobbler downtown L A fucking a make. So one day we went in when I just had my daughter. My son wasn't born yet. I went

in with my lovely wife, and we all got like boots made by him. And of course, you know, she grew out of her. And I saw those, I did see those. And like a week. I know, I did see those. But it's amazing. It's amazing, a little shoe that has all the same work

in it is so fucking cute. And just, but I did look at it the other day. Yeah. And I was just like, what? Because I remember when I did one of my specials, I remember, because we have a picture of it, like she was wearing those,

and I was wearing the ones that Brian had made, and we weren't fucking Royal Albert Hall. Yeah. Oh yeah. All right, this is kind of a keeper. Plus that venue, that venue is so fucking classic. I know. The other boot, the other venue you got the thing. Don't you feel like, I really have to have, I have to do something special tonight.

I just can't just be like a for sure. For sure. In fact, I say okay tonight. Well, I had probably the best show I've ever been part of at the Royal Albert Hall too, because that, especially that, that's one of those venues that's just this vaulted because that's one of those venues that's just this vaulted history and a special, we play that with Iggy when we're Iggy's backing band. And it's one of those things where, and they're filming it, and usually when you're filming something like that at a concert, it's not your best show because it just does not. But that was just like one of those moments where everything- Now how did you feel afterwards? You just like I'm honest honestly, I went I went I Had my own little dressing room, and I went on there. I kind of balled my ass out

That's good. I it was so I was like wow That's awesome. I can't believe I was Allowed to be part of that that guy in the Jeep Rubicon would give you the thumbs up allowed to be part of that. That guy in the Jeep Rubicon would give you the thumbs up. It was just such an amazing moment. I'd listen to Iggy since I was a kid. And he ever played there? And he ever played there.

No, but he always wanted to. It was always under fire. It was on his list of things he wanted to do. I was like, tell me 10 things he wanted to do that, that maybe had an incredible, let's see how many we can tick off. That's another reason why he's so amazing because he's talented enough that he could have wrote some shit that would have got him there,

but he still had to write what he wanted to write. Well, it's interesting because like being, in playing with him, I realized a few things that was like, you know, I've always tried to do my own thing and not be overly influenced, but not deny your influences. And wanting to sound like yourself and taking those risks, it's about taking those risks. But Iggy is one of those guys that the stooge's weren't just a little ahead of their time. People hated them actively, because they didn't understand them at the time. 30 years it took for one of those right, for a raw power to go gold even.

30 years it, imagine I realized when you're 30 years ahead of your time it's lonely and you question yourself. Right. I know what I did, I felt was right and it's just not understood yet. I know it was like this. It's actually a lonely. You tell me, summer love and he's like,

now I wanna be your dog. Right, never one is like, you know, come on people now, smile. And he's like got a dog collar on. It's like being that far ahead of your time, there's a loneliness associated with that and to not give in to the doubts you have about your direction. And I just admire that he, you know, and...

Yeah, how do you handle that? Like, the way you guys change every album, the album, I mean, you guys have to have so many critics like, this isn't what they already did. Yeah. And then they just fucking shit all over it. And then if you stayed the same, then you've become a parody of yourself.

It's like, you can't, like, their job is to take the piss out of it. So they're gonna, no matter what you do. I've completely, I don't read anything, and I haven't for years because I, by the time we're finished making it, I know I put everything into it, and I know it's either a success or not based on what happened there.

And I don't wanna let, I don't wanna get affected by, especially nowadays, everyone's, there are people writing about something they've never fucking done in their life and giving this heavy critique of like, you know, of something they, sounds like half of my act. Yeah.

Well, but that is the comment, you know, I was, in a way, I almost wonder if comedy hasn't really having this golden arrow words. It's really relevant and important. And it always was to me that I, because you're talking about the difficult things in life by laughing, making fun of something where making fun where there was none. If you can't make fun of Hitler, then what are you supposed to do just and enjoy taking him seriously?

Well, it's, yeah, but it's also like humor is like total defense mechanism. Like I'm just gonna make a joke so I don't have to feel the real feeling. But it's also a way to broach subjects that are difficult in a way that there's an easy intro to the conversation. You know, I was like, I, you know, and, and I don't know, from my perspective, almost like comedies in this great spot where it seems to have more social relevance right now than

even lots of music does. You know, music that's taking on difficult subjects quickly gets, I imagine quickly gets sort of like, critiqued and torn apart and took all this. But I still feel, but there's so much going on. Like there's like songs that I listened to for 30 years and then finally really listened to the lyrics. And right, because I was just so listening

to the drummer, the guitar player, Whalen, and then I was going, is that what the fuck this song is about? Like, I said, I love that. I love that. Jenny from the block. Jenny from the block, I still got it. Jamie from The Block. Yeah. Jenny from The Block. I used to have listened to it going like, yeah, she's not about money and she's like

listening all of this shit. She's totally about money. And then I really listened to it. It's like, oh, she already owns all this stuff. Oh, this is like a feminist anthem. I thought it was like about storage wars. I thought it was just about like somebody who was materialistic singing about,

I don't need this and I don't think that is like Well, then how do you know you already know about all that shit? Well, you are tapping into the beautiful part about music is that you get there are these levels and you get to sort of enjoy That outer level without having to go deep on it and he can last for years Yeah, and there's still this undercurrent There's more to be had if you want it. That's why you were talking about our record, that the more you listen to the more you start to get and appeal the layers back.

It's fun to make something that has that complexity possible to it. Yeah, because that's the way it was like back in the day when you didn't have all your music with you all the time, which I love. But like, I just remember, I would be at school thinking about the album that I wanted to go home and play. Yeah. Just sit there and listen to it. And hopefully I could get through enough of it

without my older brother coming in and flicking the fucking needle off, punch me in the shoulder, do we have doing all of that shit? What a sweeter. without my older brother coming in and looking the fucking need a lot punch me in the shoulder doing it. I do it all of that shit. What a sweeter. And it's funny that something would actually work. You can hear something and it gives you a strange feeling that's akin to walking away from a first date where you have butterflies and you think about it.

And it actually triggers this emotion where just listening to these notes and ideas and things coming together gives you a feeling where, and you want to do it again, it's got, there's an addiction to it. It's beautiful to me that that actually is possible and works. Who are you listening to right now? Is there anybody that's coming up that? There's a span of the Viagra voice I've been listening to. Oh, you told me about them.

I was like, I love that name. Yeah, and it's very sort of raw, and it's sort of loose and self-aware. Like, it's kind of skewering culture, but by admitting, I'm kind of making fun of this, but it's me. Right. It's self-aware. That singer-submission is really self-aware and sort of free

in himself, and there's a bit of that icky and a bit of, along the road, the humor in it. Of course, yeah, Viagra boys. No, because I noticed with your stuff, there's always, there's a humor or irony in a lot of the stuff that you certainly, like all the titles of the song on most of them on this one. But I always find that type of stuff that I prefer heavy shit delivered in a silly way. Rather than heavy delivered,

heavy to me becomes redundant. Well, there needs to be some balance. It almost like upsets me. Well, because it also, I can get cheesy. R-E-M. Everybody hurts. It's just like, oh my God.

It is true, though. Right, I get it is true. But it's just like, I wasn't, you know what it really was? Because it's a great song. I wasn't comfortable. I'm you were ready to admit that. Just to watch a man,

but I also think singing like that. But are you talking about, there's some things when heavy. I did everything but feel his head on my shoulder when he was singing that. Like all right, all right, all right, all right, R.E.M. guy. Your head on.

Yeah. I just think that what I heard, what I think what I'm hearing you say is the delivery of something heavy, sometimes when it's all too heavy, it gets a little cheesy. That's why I can't watch nature shows anymore. You can watch whatever animal they're talking about.

Wait, what the fuck is that of? Because you watch the first eight minutes and it's just animal and it's fascinating. And then they're like, and then man came and there's fucking plastic bags and all of this shit. And you're like, oh my god. Over a beaver, this is just a Ziploc. And all the coral, the great barrier reef is dying.

It's all turning white and nobody gives a fucking. You're just like, true. Now what do I do? Now what do I do? I'm going to bed with this, the great barrier reef is dying. Good night. Yeah, good night. Oh, Lawrence,, sweet tight.

That's a dream. I just decided that I'm now, I'm combating all of this stuff because all of this shit's freaking me out. It's hard not to be a little bit freaked out, but I don't. I am small town, Billy. I just, I just, like, I just, mind your own backyard.

Keep your focus tight. And I go down, I got my place right by my paper, I get my Italian food here, I get my drone backyard keep your focus tight. I go down I got my place right by my paper. I get my Italian food here. I get my cup of coffee there I don't worry about the rest of it But I I maintain that maybe in a way you shouldn't be worrying about the rest of the world You should be only focused on your immediate area if your immediate area was your most important thing Which included like you know voting for councilman. That's my most important vote right? I'm cleaning up your own backyard as Elvis saying and you know, voting for Councilman, that's my most important vote. And cleaning up your own backyard is Elvis saying.

And, you know, I mean, there's, people are starving across the world, but I feel like the news is trying to make you feel bad, like something you can't even participate in. No, it's like this horrible thing is happening, we have no solution. And goodnight. And you can't take your eyes off it.

Yeah. And keep watching and we got you now. And yeah solution and good night. And you can't take your eyes off it. Yeah. And keep watching and we got you now. And yeah, and unless you think starving children is okay. Right. Where you're like, what the fuck, what, how did this even happen? What are you talking about? I didn't say anything.

Did you see that clip Elvis gave the best fucking response? I go, what do you think about, you know, the war over there, blah, blah. And he's just like, my own just an entertainer, man. I don't, I don't, I ain't gonna talk about it. Well, what do you think about people who have criticized the word? Do you think that they shouldn't do it? He's like I'm not gonna tell anybody what the shooter shouldn't do.

I'm just I'm just a guy who goes out there and that's how I I've checked it up a little bit. That's kind of Did he really do? Yeah, he didn't know but I would have loved it. I would have loved it if he would have. I got to get the more into this, I think, really.

My answer, little bang, bang, little right, little left, right in the middle, must centrist. That's going to be a word someday in the future, centrist. Thank you very much. Well, but I do see the value in escapism, like I don't fucking like to engage in all that stuff in what I do because there needs to be video game arcades and ice cream parlors where you're like, please just shut the fuck up, Gary. I don't want to hear it somewhere, there's a somewhere I don't have to hear all this stuff from you.

Can I just turn up the music? That's why music should be turned up so you can't talk. Yeah. I've just given you know it's designed to fail so I'm just gonna fucking you know enjoy. I mean you know that spare tire cover I'm gonna fucking you know I got one life and I'm gonna live it. You know what? I know to get you for your birthday. Do my elliptical morning have a flat wife and fucking read the newspaper and fucking try to be nice to people. Well, I have

a question too. Like, you know, uh, there's a lot of comics out there that really kind of a aren't that great? Go to a night on that. Like you were killing a dark term. You were you were killing, but there's a lot of there's a lot of stuff that uh, I would say that it's hard. And it's like place in the journey.

And they're on their way. I mean, there's a lot of VHS tape of me not being funny at all. Well, right, but so what I mean by that, sweaty. What I mean, sweaty and unfit. What I mean is like in that wood shopping phase, like that process seems so difficult What I mean is like in that wood shopping phase,

like that process seems so difficult. When you're, there's a lot of comedians that seem like they're still developing their thing and the notion of getting up there and bombing all the time, how does that work? Well, you have to build, I mean, that takes a lot of, intestinal forniture to keep, to work it that way.

First thing you have to do is you have to build, I just kind of admire that actually, to going up, failing and going back up and getting up again and again and again. Oh yeah, it takes a, I mean, to do that 10 times, and it's not what it takes. You're gonna talk me out of doing stand-up again. If you keep bringing the logic into this.

You have to, like the club has to really go up and bomb and grow. You have to have killed, I feel, for like two, three years, not, I mean, a couple of year and a half, two years, they know you're funny. So then if they see you up there bombing, they're not, they know you're trying to grow through something and push something. Yeah, like, okay, we got to stop giving this guy these primo spots or whatever. So there is, there's like different kinds of bombing. There's like bombing because you're new and you don't know what you're doing. And then there's then once you start to know what you do, you're doing, then there's, I lost them. what the fuck happened.

Right, I had them, I lost them. Mid flight, I've lost my gauges, what's happening here. And then there's that bombing, which you may or may not recover, but you don't 100% know how to get them back. And then I feel like the last phase is like, if I wanted to, I could kill with this shit that I know that works, but that's why, yeah.

That's a way of needing to rely on your act, right? But it's a waste of a drive over here because my act isn't going to grow, I'm going like a different direction or anything. I just remember going to the desert and going to see Rodney Dangerfield. I was like 10 years old, nine years old with my folks. And I'd already seen Carlin at before at nine, because my dad was like, at the desert in same place. Fred Travelino opened up for,

and Judy Tannuto opened up for, I love to, I love to. Oh, and that Cordian is funny by nature because look at the thing, right? Yeah, Pigs and she's like, yeah, fucking, Pigs, she was like, huh? She was amazing.

And then, but Rodney came out and he did, he really was leaning heavy on the old, a lot of old bits and he got boot off stage. And I was only nine. I didn't know you could boost that that was, at night you have no concept that like, if it's not going well, the audience is allowed to say the word boo until until so watching someone get booed

and then he was like, fuck you and he left. I was like, is this part of the show? Am I, can somebody help me to understand? Like I had to ask my folks, what does that even mean? And then I realized the jeopardy of going on stage that you are like, you're taking this big risk, you know? And it was odd to see that and know that that adult can boot, is this, how does that work, you know?

But what was great fact then is he got booted at the desert end and the only people that knew it were the ones in that room. Yeah. And that's something that I do miss about. Yeah, the things's something that I do miss about. Yeah, the things would actually disappear. The time I got booed, one of them many times, but the one that got filmed that was early on

in sort of social media on the opian Anthony tour that came in, it was 05 or 06 or something like that. And I was worried like my career was over. Right. Because that was just like, oh my God, like everyone's gonna boom me now because they're gonna wanna see me like snap.

Which is what happened the next week in Cleveland. Was this the snap and it was a Philadelphia thing or something? Yeah, that was the one. Well, I mean, I've been booed before. I got booed in Vegas. This is where you went up. I got booed in Cleveland

in a couple of other times. I mean, it happened, but it was the first time I was actually filmed. And yeah, I trashed their sports teams or whatever, but I remember leaving and the other comes, oh my god, you know, that was fucking so cool, blah, blah, blah. And I was thinking like, I was like, no, I don't think it was. I think I just ended my career.

I was thinking like, and I remember the next... Well, nowadays, that's forever on the permanent record and held, nothing ever disappears. But what I'm saying is that actually ended up helping me. Right. Where, you know. But that's not always gonna be the case. Yeah, no.

In cases of getting boot off or having a meltdown or whatever. I think it all depends on how you ended up handling. So then the next week we went to Cleveland and they booed me as I was walking on stage and then I was just going like, guys, you're not going to pretend to boo me and then I'm going to pretend to be upset and make funny your thing.

And I started doing my act, they just kept booing and I was just like, all right, goodnight. So that was weird. And then I was convinced that it was over. But then the next weekend, I was off the tour and I did the punchline in San Francisco and I was just sitting in the back room

and I was just like, what's gonna happen? Are they gonna boo me? But then I realized, wait, this just looks like 180 people there. I can see all of them. This isn't 10,000 drunk people that just disappear into darkness. So they have the bravado.

I can eviscerate people here. I'm in a club. I can see you. But I went through stuff like that too where I would sort of, you know, sort of all licker it up and you start talking shit to an Ion, and then that gets online and then you have people trying to go do into that, you know. Right. Do you know what the thing about being an abandoned is? I just feel like where we get food, people throw shit at you because you can't hear what they're saying because you're playing your guitars and stuff. For sure.

Yeah, so I've had stuff thrown at me and just something coming out from the light. It's just like, it's like, it becomes like a major league picture because you don't see it to the last four feet. There's like this thing's flying in your head, you know, then. Don't you come home, Bill Bailey? Well, especially since you're busy Yeah, you're kind of like I've all limbs working and you know, right. There was one time in Australia And oftentimes it's just sort of like from my world. It's sort of just like punk rock wildness

Mm-hmm things get thrown and things you know, you're playing these smaller clubs many years many many years going Australia I was playing in Melbourne, Australia. And people are on top of these shoulders and there's pits and there are crowdsurfing and all this stuff is just wild, frankly. And so in the melee of all that, a can of beer comes and I just grab it, put it in my mouth, rip it and go,

and then you're like all in one motion. And where you kind of don't realize, you're just lost in the moment, thinking like, no one hurts me more than I hurt myself. You out of your mind. Always that with that was? That for me, that was what that was. It's like, you can't hit me with, you know,

try to hit me with something. There's no way I do a better job than you that hurt my self-sultane control of the situation. Right, something. What did the crowd do when you did that? And we were like, yeah. Yeah, but to look on everyone's that face of like, there's something priceless to that too. It's like, it's moments of wild extremes.

And oftentimes up there, I don't know what I'm gonna do or what's gonna happen. After what you're in the green room, the adrenaline's worn off. Yeah. And now you got these slices in it. And you're in the green room, the adrenaline's worn off. Yeah. And now you got these slices in the end. And you're going, why did I do that? Why did I do that?

You're putting it in. Yeah, and then you go on the airport and then the people in customs look at you like, like you're shooting up like you're traveling. So we had a light show on our last tour, the villains tour that were these like, you know, two lights that are about this tall on spring. You know, so you could let it go and go, boy, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, at each other. It's almost dangerous. Yeah. And then you bleed again?

Yeah, so I can. So do you have to bleed every tour? Probably a little bit. A little, probably a little... I'm trying to, I think I saw you guys at the forum last time. You're right. And I think that light tree thing was happening there or maybe at that time.

I don't think, and there was nobody through anything. It was an LA crap, you know? And they were in the business. So what, let's, I know you don't want to promote nothing here, but what about is, you have a second leg coming up, is it Europe? Is it? We're really just starting. We did Europe and kind of initial festival run, but the United States is starting right now, you know, on Tuesday.. Oh wow. And you know, it's just, I'm actually, you know, after, you know, everybody went through something the last four years and I certainly did too.

But it's funny that it's created this beautiful appreciation for what it is they get to do, because I'm really looking forward to it. And, you know I've had just gonna be those gonna be some good shows. Yeah, where you really really I really want to go play. I kind of can't wait. I feel like open the gate, turn loose. So when you I always asked people this. I just had a buddy ask him because he's gonna go open for a band and he was sitting there going like two suitcases, one big one, one small one.

Is that too much? And I was like yes. It's better to do laundry than than carry dirty laundry. Yeah one pair of pants two show shirts and then you just have your travel outfit and that's that's it. That's it. I feel. See I you know so what are you now you dress up though you I remember when you guys were back in Iggy you guys had those fucking sick ass Well that because like want to kind of do that hail hail rock and roll thing where Keith was back in up Chuck Barry where it's like We're his gang and we're the band and then you're different. You're in something else, you know Because that just felt appropriate to be like where your boys like We got you, you know, there's something cool and romantic about all that shit.

I just love all that shit. So when you, how much do you bring? Are you a dealer? No, I don't bring very much. You know, because I, because I'd rather just do laundry than carry it. Yeah. And plus there's something about doing.

I don't want to stand waiting for the fucking bag everywhere you go. No, I don't check in anything. No. I refuse to check in anything. Plus, I do like to be in a laundry mat. There's something really just grounding about doing laundry at a coin up when you're on tour. There's something that's just like...

Make sure you with your fucking cuts all down your arm. Reading the local paper. Yeah, like the Washington, D.C. Gazette. There's a yard sale around the corner. That is one of my favorite things. So if I have a day off from the road before I leave, if I get all of my dirty laundry done, it feels good. Yeah, there's no dirty laundry in the bag. It's fine. It come home, you just unpack and tuck it away. Yeah. It's fantastic. Yeah, you're like, I really did something. I really did. There's that feeling of accomplishment

about me doing a lot. I also, on the second I come home, I unpack. Yeah. I say hello everybody. I go upstairs. I fucking unpack everything. And I put the suitcase away or whatever. And I don't always make it to that.

I always do that. And me is always just like, how do you do that? How do you do that? Because I go, because I don't do this. Yeah, that's a little Travis Bickle. I don'tle this right now. It's a little Travis Bickle just like talking to me No, I don't do this right now that fucking thing is gonna sit there for six weeks. Yeah, it's one of those things Yeah, I kind of know and then it becomes there's something depressing and you're laying in bed And you're having elements still there on the back still there. Yeah, that back suitcase.

But I was know I'm about to go again. I was struggle with that sort of relationship of that. But what I noticed though is so I just went, I went saw, I went to Neil Brennan the other day with some evil theater and I went back stage and he had a bag of chips and one water and that was it. And I was like, but your backstage wasn't a lot of stuff either. No, because what happens is our backstage is a fucking cavalcade of and you're getting ripped off every night. Of course. Because they're overcharging you. Of course.

Nine way too much and then whoever runs that house goes home. And I'm like, what is that that 97% cacao? That's amazing. That's a 97%. What's their 15 of those? Like I'm just like mesmerized by all the time. So raw carrots, we can make a juice. Yeah, I need to take a cue from what you guys are talking about.

Now somebody told me that. He said, don't have a big rider backstage because it's just another way that they're going to rip you off because they're going to charge you all this extra money. And you know, you're not going to drink the whole bottle of booze by yourself, so they're just going to take it. But we always have people come back and it's like, six bottles of keels out enough.

Is that going to be enough for Tuesday? Is that enough? Because all these people come back and it's like, I'm just basically, you know, try the cacao. But that's like a, that's a bad thing. Like this is pressure to have. Well, it is, you know, you are turning Tuesdays into Saturdays when you play. I know.

And people are taking their hard earned money and they're like, I got, I hot tar roofs and I don't want to do that. I want to some rock and roll and I want to cut loose, you know, and I do. Did you hear how AC DC did one tour. AC DC literally part of their set was backstage. They had their own pub because they couldn't go anywhere. Yeah. Right.

Every night they would build literally the bar, a place to play darts and they would feel like they were in a bar table. Yeah. And it was the same bar every night. So it became like your spot. You had your seat or whatever and you'd go in there And you could just get a beer and and party with the crew and that sounded to me like that's fucking perfect Well, and there is a bit of blowing off steam You think after you played didn't you just blow off steam?

But there is that adrenaline that's still going like you couldn't play a show and say I'm tired I'm gonna go to bed. There's no way, you know know it's like pick up hockey to let me 30 yeah it is two in the morning just like after afterwards is that what I'm I'm totally joking I don't think pick up hockey is the same as being a rock band playing the fucking I don't know I've never picked up and had played any pick up hockey I always would have like I think I would have enjoyed playing on a psycho you would have liked, I think I would have enjoyed playing. I would have been a psycho. You would have been a defenseman and you would have been the guy that fucking

kept everybody like, oh, Josh is on the ice. I think I would have enjoyed it. Yeah, you have. You have your guitar player, Dean, you know, you know, Dean, he, he played so hockey and he's kind of got a Travis Bickle thing in him too. You wouldn't know to look at him, but he's a lot of stuff comes out in competitive. Yeah. Just like anything like from fucking the Pinewood Derby

when your kids and Cub Scouts remember that? And all those, and I said, I'm so to believe a fucking six year old built that. Yeah, but what is it with all that? Parents are just building their kids' shit for them. It's like, that's a log cat. Look at the, this volcano isn't saying. Well, you're allowed to help and stuff like that. I just remember there kids' shit for them. That's a log cat. Look at this volcano, it was insane. Well, you're allowed to help and stuff like that.

I just remember there was a quarter of a log to help, but forgot to say this is like a Vesuvius. It looks incredible. This guy took a block of wood when my brother was racing, right, because I never joined the scouts because I saw, like it was the 70s, my brother would go down to the bus stop with a Cubscaught thing on and he would just,

you know, have to fight because it was all part of like, you know, what do you have? Pro Vietnam War that was just something about everything was about like not being with, you know And he sort of government in the Scouts. Yeah, so They give you like a block of wood and this guy somehow I still remember it He made a caterpillar it went up like this and went down so he must have like shaved away That he had a bandsaw and was like he sliced on an apple and then wood glue So you must have like, the shaved away that he had a bandsaw. And was like he sliced on an apple and then wood glue. And but the thing about is the kids

supposed to be helping it too, like helping too. So I mean, the guy didn't win. It was not amuletism. I'm being a caterpillar and growing and getting the crystals is just priceless. It was. I should have viewed it that way instead of looking like, I just remember even as a little kid, and that was two years younger than my older brother going like, there's. It was. I should have viewed it that way. Instead of looking like, I just remember, even as a little kid, and that was two years younger

than my older brother going like, there's no fucking way to do that. Yeah, but I deal with it all the time I go and I look at this thing, you know, my kids made something on their own and it's a little bit of help. But then I look over and it's like, there's a remote control.

How's a volcano of a goddamn fucking remote control? Was that goo coming out? This is like official goo and in that right there. What's the lesson there? You see why the world isn't gonna work. Because there's always that guy and that guy is always rewarded. And that guy ascends. A good job to ascends the ladder of power

because he doesn't give a fuck. Like all of a sudden, you gotta fake it till you make it. Hey, any portness to me, yeah, you do what you gotta do. All of those, all of that shit. It's basically, I don't wanna do the work. I'm not talented enough,

but I'm gonna figure out a fucking way to get there. If you don't make it or you're just faking it forever, I guess that's a lot of fake. I mean Yeah, there's a lot of people doing that, you know, there's a lot of you know shiny clothes One better apartment That has not been mine I'm very conservative Look at me. I've always a long time ago. I realized that Malcolm Young was the fashion icon.

Fucking love Malcolm. Yeah, and he never looks bad. Dills got early on. They were all trying to be a little bit dazzled. Then they were like, you know, maybe just Angus But I love all those early watching all their early videos like jailbreak and all that stuff I was the best fucking I mean ACDC's got to be in my top one and a half favorite bands all time because it's bonds got going, ew, like all this sort of like, like, like sick royalty and he's such it, like the missing teeth, he's older than those guys. Yeah. Yeah.

I still like, I feel even at 55, he's still when he, when he was 34, he still looked older than those guys. Yeah. Yeah. I think I feel like, I feel even at 55, he's still, when he was 34, he still looked older than me. Yeah. Yeah, because the hard living. So as proof positive of that notion, when I went to the experienced museum in Seattle once on a day off, many, many years ago,

it was a traveling ACD exhibition. And, you know, there's about 15 of us. It was in the middle of the day on like a Tuesday type of thing. That's only like 15 of us and we're all looking at these of different, we weren't all together, just 15 kind of people and and I'm reading this letter behind glass that Bond Scott has written to his aunt. Those like having great time on the road, doing a lot of coke, having a lot of sex, you'd love it out here. Like, the way the letter to his aunt is true. He wrote it like that. Yeah, it was like, you know, getting fucked up, you know, doing

a bunch of coke and it's fucking great, you know, it's not a group. It's a court adult group who's like talking about groupies and saying you'd fucking love it out here. Writing does, and I was like, this is amazing. This is the best thing to ever write. And I'm reading this and all of a sudden, on the sort of television screen, that I'm sure was on a loop every 15 minutes and starts to go, I'm bound to, I don't know, I don't know,

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. And thunder struck starts. And everyone in there just slowly turned around and ends up by the TV. Yeah. All 15 of us, the don't know each other, you know, and just it's a lot, it's them live. Plants, it's fucking incredible. I watched the Let's Every Rock, the one from Paris.

Yeah, oh. They made right before Bonn passed away, unfortunately. And it's just like the sheer force and power of that band and the space. Yeah, the simplicity. Oh my God. Well, and that, you know, the simplicity is actually hard to do to go, boom, boom, boom.

It's just, and to be committed to really sticking it, even, you know, Phil Rudd not playing too much Yeah, it's hard to just go And have a real groove and have 80,000 people go nuts. Yeah, well and and and even Bonscott could sing about rock and roll which is a hard thing to do too and take seriously You know, so you don't want to worry about him You just believed what he was saying. Because it was, because it was 100% real.

If you, if you ever read the letter, knock up your wife, like a wife, yeah, yeah, Bonskot's coming down, man. Yeah, he's definitely gonna give it a go. I don't think it's gonna work. I'm just saying, think about it, you know, put it on the scale.

Run for your life. Run for your life, you know, and a man is back in town. And it's just like, anybody else is like, fuck you, you're pussy. And he's like, oh shit, bonds coming. And there, and there he is about that, about that tall. But it's still, it's like, you believe it

because it's authentic. And when I read that letter that he wrote to his aunt, I was like, you got damn right, you better lock that shit up. Yeah, that was neat. No, it's, it's for real. Yeah, my buddy Jesse Hughes, he sings, and he goes, death, no, he better lock that shit up. Yeah, that was great. It's for real. Yeah, my buddy Jesse Hughes, he sings,

and he goes deathmoney, he sings about rock and roll, and he means it too. 100% he does. Like 100%. He owns like 15 capes, do you know what else? That has, I don't know anyone that has 15 capes, except him, and he'll be like, which, how does this one, what do you think?

I'm like, yeah, that one's great. And they don't come out and he'll be like, how does this one, what do you think? I'm like, yeah, that one's great. And they don't come out and you'd be like, this one seems like the call, and I'm like, dude, just any one of them is great. Can we just talk about what's supposed to happen? Which one's fucking about? But he's like, no, but yeah, to actually think about it, which ones, and I'm like, the blue one, the blue one.

Okay, can we get focused on the task? But I love that. If we feel like the odd couple, like Kram did in North, it's like, there's a, I saw him in the basement of that, I always wanna call it a Nights at Columbus because I'm from back east, but it's for the military vets.

What do you call those places? Yeah, the, the Legion. Yeah, the Legion. I the, the, the, the, the Legion. I saw him in a basement of that place. Yeah. And you would have thought he was in front of a hundred thousand people. It was fucking. And he loves the fans like he's, he, he'll go to their houses. So I was like, he has, he's another guy with a bad ass motorcycle. I don't know if he still has that Indian man.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a gorgeous bike. I think he, I think he told it. He still has that Indian man. Yeah, yeah. He's gorgeous bike. I think he, I think he told it. And but made it out somehow alive, right? It's just like, you know, he's a wild one. You ever see when people like wipe out and they just get thrown from the car? Like there's a, there's a amazing car chase

of this guy in a Corvette and he's trying to get between these two trucks and it's filmed from overhead in the helicopter. And the thing literally spins and just disintegrates and somehow he just sort of spits out the side like standing up like in a fucking car too. And walks away. Yeah, I had a buddy mind.

That's when they're like the drunk always lives, you know, and he's so I'm so relaxed. Yeah, because he's just going with crash test, dummy style, just going with it. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody else was like, that's not been the neck. Clinching down tight, you know.

Well, there was a comedian that, this guy, Wally Collins, was the guy who got me, he goes, be careful about driving late at night because that was the thing. Like you check out at two in the afternoon, do the gig and then drive all the way to the airport and try to drive overnight and save money on a motel six or whatever, right? Right. So he told me he goes, do the gig and then drive all the the airport and try to drive overnight and save money on us, motel six or whatever, right? Right. So he told me he goes,

do one time he was, he was doing that and he was driving back and he goes, I was driving and then I just woke up in a field. Yeah, he was literally in a field of dreams, laying on his back, but I think he kind of was he drinking driving or was he? No, he just fell asleep. He was just fell asleep and he just went with it And I mean, yeah, he was just totally relaxed and Whatever the fucking horse bros for a summary just laid him in that fucking field And he just woke up like what the fuck like in my dead and

I've got with it. Yeah, he told me that story like 25 years ago, and I never Like when I was I would be like non-author I big while he comments Well, I can't look up in a field fuck this shit, and I would just I would you know It very least pull into a parking lot Well, you know when we travel we're with a big group of it's a full gang and all these All these people and tour buses when you tour did you ever do tours where you just drove, tell you did, do you drive alone? Yeah, God yeah.

Is that a bummer? Was that a, but it seems like I was so driving alone, doing like 20 dates by yourself and no one else. I was not only walled off, I was steering into it. Like one day I was like, oh, let me see if I can go this whole day without talking to anybody. I've done, I was steering into it. Like one day I was like, let me see if I can go this whole day without talking to anybody. I've done it.

I talk to the person who gives me the microphone. I've done that. Yeah, so. But what I did was, and then it started fuck with me, so I started building it around going to sporting events. So I would just look to see what team was in town. Baseball was easy,

because they have so many games, and they also play in the afternoon sometimes. To sort of just fill the time, and just, because I went out to Joshua Tree once and it's like I want to see how long I can go without speaking. It was like four days of just nodding and pointing and, you know, if you have to get something. And it started to feel just a little bit crazy after a while. Oh, it did feel crazy. I mean, at first it was kind of rewarding and it was just an interesting

To not make any sounds And to not exchange do anything or speak to anybody, you know and and just go I'm not gonna lie to those who are dark years for me. Yeah, that's it was very Very very very lonely very dark Just like doing comedy tour, driving yourself, not. And my college agent was big in the Midwest out to the Dakotas. And it's just like, yeah. The Dakotas. Like I remember going.

Comedy in the Dakotas. I always said, like I never understood like how a band that sounded as angry as slipknot could come from Iowa. I'm like, what are we talking? And then you go to Iowa in January of February. Yeah. And you're like, oh my god.

Yeah. Like, this is, you can go nuts out here. Oh, yeah. You can go fuck. And if you live away from the Quad cities, yeah, or fucking, oh, oh, oh, oh, the Quad cities. Yeah, the Quad cities.

So I think two of them are in fucking Illinois. If you're not where the action is, yeah, especially back then, there's action there now. They got good coffee and stuff. Everything has just become everything. You know what I mean? Right, there's the same stuff in them all there

that's over here, but still when you get on the sixth or day. Yeah. But back in the day, when I was like driving out to these fucking places, like the college is, you know, it was just like, but it's still, it's still, you know, there's still towns of 300 going on out there. And I, whatever it's still, it's still, you know, there's still towns of 300 going on out there.

And I, what were it's, you know, make a right on rural road, age, like they haven't even fucking, they haven't even fucking named it. Yeah, they've, yeah, it's like, is this like a fucking reservation? Like, why am I going to get rural? Yeah, what is going on here? So those were like, oh, dark times. Yeah. And a lot of times this setup wasn't right. It's the same thing like any any any part of show business It's just showing if you're probably behind the chicken wire

I would show up and like we don't have a microphone. Is that gonna be a problem like that type of shit So you know there used to be a place called the The outhouse and Lawrence, Kansas and it was just an empty house right past the county line. So the police, that was their jurisdiction. It was had no windows and no doors. And they just, you'd set up and, and, and, and, and, and, and, you know, people would come and they'd charge for shows. And you'd set up your stuff in this, basically in this empty house, you know,

in the security where, I mean, I played there when I was like 18 years old, the security was skinheads and they were all in acid. And I'm taking a leak in this cornfield and I hear, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, and I just hit the deck, I dive into my own urine, you know, with, you know, with joy, I guess, just to get all the way and I turn around,

these skinheads are shooting these AK-47s of the cornfield. And they're like, yeah, that's the security of their own acid. And it's like, you know, you just don't get those experiences these days. It is. Oh my god. Were they seeing shit? They were just, oh my god.

You like it. I have no idea. But, you know, this is like sort of that punk rock undergrad, you're playing these wild shows. And that's some of the stuff that would happen. But you know, this is like sort of that punk rock undergrad you're playing these wild shows. And that's some of the stuff that would happen. And in a way, it's, well, not in a way. I loved all, it's not that I love that particularly,

because that's not the greatest thing ever. But it doesn't love a skinhead on an acid. Well, but the, the wireless, but I compare it to sort of the sterilized versions of stuff that are today where it's like, it's $18 for a beer, and it's not that it needs to go to skinheads on acid. I'm just saying, I miss kind of the wild subculture. Everything is so safe now.

And maybe it's not the best example. I don't think that's even true. What? I think what it is, is the corporations took all the mafia's scams, and but they do it, it's legalized. So it feels like, you know, like that's a mugging that just happened there, but it's legal. And you can just keep figuring out every quarter how to make more and more money. make more and more money. And I think that like, I think it's an unbelievable,

like it's sort of sold as this homogenized sort of, yeah, man, bedbath and beyond. But I feel like it's a really hostile time, like anytime you want customer service, it's fucking hostile. Yeah, you're right. It's just no, they send you in a little maze.

Go online, you figure it out. If you don't, there's nobody to talk to, there's no satisfaction. Type your question. And you might as well just put a note in a bottle and throw it into the fucking ocean if somebody's even gonna get back to you. And.

Yeah, contact at. Yeah, there's no better email. There's no better email. There's nobody looking out for anybody, so. Yeah. But I guess depressing. Well, I guess what I'm missing is the sort of, the outhouse in Lawrence, in Lawrence, Kansas, was people putting on shows because they were passionate

about it. And yeah, the security at this one night where skinheads on acid, and sure, that's not great. And so they're named for an album. Yeah. There was a band called Gaybikers on acid and sure that's not great. So what's your name for an album? There was a band called Gay Bikers on acid, actually, a punk rock band from Texas. But at least it was put on by people that were passionate enough to put it all together. And it was theirs and they were bringing you out there because they really cared. And I mean, it must have been an event though.

It's fucking amazing. It was amazing. It was amazing. Nothing to compare to that. And someone was doing that out of passion and they've even this empty building and setting up the generator and doing all this stuff. And it's hard to match that sort of passion with like $30 parking, $28 beer, you know what I mean? And like, can't go over here.

Can't could do that, but like, there's that versus the passion of, oh yeah, there's way more, way more. Yeah, there's control and that like, yeah, there was all like, there was a whole, there was those guys in Boston, like they had this way of sneaking into Boston Garden and they just went to every game.

And to the point, they was so bold about it, they actually made a video of themselves doing it. That they showed on the news, they go, look, and there they go, and they are way up there in the catwalk, nobody's like, they could fall, this is a liability. I love that they were still, they were so passionate about sneaking,

that's, I love that, they were so passionate about sneaking. That's, I love that. That's so passionate about sneaking in, that it's just part of their thing, you know. I said, I don't know why. They, yeah, I don't know. You probably just sound like a couple of old guys. But when, so when you go back on tour, I'm believably relaxed for going out on tour on Tuesday.

Yeah, I mean, because, you know, things are, I'm just enjoying myself, you know? I mean, because things are, I'm just enjoying myself. I mean, honestly, I'm enjoying myself. And I feel like I really don't have much to complain about. And I'm looking forward to it. And how many dates, how many dates, how long you've been? How long you've been through years, honestly?

I've just, especially because, I'm gonna go slow. I tend to overwork myself and really push hard. And you know, I used to wanna do five dates a week and you just lose crew there. It's like, I'm not, you know, I'm not setting up five shows a week, you know. Right. Cause I like it when we're kind of sweaty and dirty and a little bloody and we're playing

great together when we're like that, you know, when you're kind of pushing through the adversity of that, you know. But I think this time I'm just going to go slow and enjoy it. That's kind of what I'm doing now. Yeah. I think it's part of being like, you know, I'm 55, so now I just did four weekends in a row. Yeah, that's great. And I was saying to my wife, I'm going,

this is, this is a young kid shit, man. I can do every other weekend and whatever, but like I, yeah, just want to like, I feel like to get here, you got to be like, ah, for fucking 30 straight years. Yeah. And then it's like, am I gonna keep doing that? And you're supposed to though, right?

Yeah, you gotta kinda like fucking... You finally get to some spot where you ask yourself, I know I am supposed to stop doing that, and when is that supposed to happen? Yeah, and I am supposed to some point enjoy. Right. And there's someone on the other end of this guy, they two fucking old guys and it's like, yeah.

Yeah, you're goddamn right. Yeah, and you don't wanna see me try to act like I'm fucking young because that'll be, well, that's just kind of gross. That's just kind of, it's like, what was Garth Brooks's alter ego for a second? Chris Gaines. Chris Gaines, where he's sort of like,

like you don't want to see it all guy like try to be like Chris Gaines or something all of a sudden. I mean, that's how hard that guy was crushing it. That he was just like a makeup. And that's of a sudden. I mean, that's how hard that guy was crushing it. He was just like a makeup. That's not anything against Garth Brooks. It's just like some, just I remember that album cover where it's like, I remember seeing some crazy stat

about album sold in the top five fucking people and he was in it. Like the level that that guy's on the hand. You made on the permanent top 100 list because they take off like the doors and, and you know, Michael Jackson and Dark Side of the Moon, you know, go up the appetite for destruction back in black thriller back in black camp. There's some that are just permanently there. They're just there. Yeah. And he had in the

country charts. I swear to you, it's like like the tiny Tim. He's not on there. They're just there. Yeah. And he had in the country charts. I swear to you. It's like the tiny Tim. He's not on there. No. But when are you, when are you doing an LA gig? Because I want to see you guys. We're about to announce, we're about to announce a, but we can't, I can't, I can't. Because you drive by the play, they say it. Because I keep driving by the play, they when I keep seeing your name up on the mark, I go on it, man, and then they're promoting the album. Oh, really? Oh, that's cool. Well, that's cool.

Were like a billboard or some shit? No, it's on the marquee. Really? It's my friend that you're flying there. That's what I thought. Wow, look at that. I didn't know that. You know, I've been really just kind of keeping my head down and just like.

I think that's what's been the theme of this podcast. Yeah, it's not paying attention. Former ragers, right. Trying to fucking get into that Bergenstock line. Just don't ever do that. Don't ever do that. By the way, by the way, I tried some on today. Oh really?

Bergen's not, I was just like, I German tourist. I can't do it. Did you black socket too? No, you know what it is? I have ghost white feet. As white as I am, like at least this is seen. They your feet are actually wider than that. Wider.

Like original, the original white. Yeah, out of the womb white that I was. I've never worn them. So they were there. And they weren't like Bergenzall, they were Bergenzatzta. They would like these these rubber ones. Okay. So that's like so. So Bergenstow's are are still better than Crocs, which are like. So you're talking about a crock level. It was it was it they were actually rubber. Oh, I guess those are rubber. Yeah. You're headed for. You know, I didn't I didn't want crocs and my wife got me some because like because everybody got kids had him

everybody had everybody. Everybody fucking house him. So I'm like, it's like what are you Mario Batali? Yes. We work at the fucking ER. So I got these fucking things and I and I was wearing them on the beach and I went into the ocean and they got wet and then if you leave them out in the sun, they shrink. So then I only had them like a fucking week and I'm like what am I doing with these things? They're stupid. It's that's they're just there. I just some things can't be done. They can't. We got to make a deal. We can't. I have I have a these this pair of Adidas slip-ons. Yeah those are fucking those are great. Those are fine right? You prove. That's why there's no

reason to go to crock level for anybody. That's what I kept saying. We have Adita slip on, so we're good. I have a pair of slip on them. Well, just in case. Look at that. There's a dragon on mine. I've got a dragon, and there's also there's a flower there. Because you can put all these badges there.

I had flair on mine. My wife knew that I didn't want him. So she put some hockey sticks on mine. My wife knew that I didn't want him. So she flared him up. She put some hockey sticks on him and maybe it was like, maybe that it was just a... Yeah, maybe it was like the devil horned. She's give it a chance. She's crocked, rock.

Just like you, dad. It was really bad. I like that she was going the extra mile to try to sort of crock you into him. It's the only thing I've ever experienced worse than my mantids. It was my bedazzled crocs. Croc bottom.

Yes. Well, at croc bottom, it's been an absolute pleasure to have you on the podcast. Oh, it's good to see you, my friends. I'm so happy for you. I have so happy where you are in your life with your band and on this tour. And I will be looking at Queens of the Stone Age.net or whatever the fuck it is. Dot gov.

Dot gov. Um, to, to find out when you're going to be out here because I, I got to see, you know, John Theodore's my guy, man. Oh, yeah. He's a monster. He's a monster. Absolutely. I love his fucking playing on this.

Oh, he's playing. He's playing and live right now. He's playing it like he never has. It's just very centered and natural and all over it. I mean, wait, he's got those bloodwigs at some killings. That's amazing. I can't wait to see it. All right, John.

Good to see you, everybody. Check out the new album in Times New Roman. New Roman. I almost said up Roman. All right, thank you guys. See ya. Thank you. You're gonna hold your own song You better turn a blind eye for the take your other one, Neil and Bo. Take your lips.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burn. It's the Monday Morning Podcast from Monday, August 24th, 2015. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? A lovely end of August for all of you. Don't fret. Don't fret with the global warming. We'll have summer until like October. Then we'll have epic fucking snowstorms. Then a swarm of mosquitoes signaling that we're going winter to summer. Winter to summer. That's how it works now. I don't know why. I don't know if it's because that's the natural cycle. You know, that's right. The history of the world, the earth has gone through cooling off and heating up parents. There's that argument and then there's the

other argument where you think too many Q-tips, the fleshed out of the toilet, it is choking all the mackerel. You know? And we're causing it. Stop putting hairspray on your pubes. Poo! Right? I have no idea why. All I know is this towards the end of the summer.

And this is when I get excited for football and baseball all at the same time because the games are starting to fucking matter. Um, you know, it just sucks my team's like 12 and a half fucking games out, you know. 12 and a half games out, but before we get into any of that shit, let's talk about the, uh, the number one controversy in the fucking country. Um, my weight loss. controversy in the fucking country. My weight loss. Now as you know, as of July 5th, the internet went crazy. When they heard that I was quitting drinking, it was a backlash and whatever.

I quit drinking on July 5th and I've been trying, I was about a buck 87, a buck 88 and I was going to get down to those and lose 3 pounds a week over the next, whatever the fuck that is, whatever that comes out to, like 8 weeks or so. And I was going to get down to 162. And I was going to have a flat stomach and I was going to have abs and people were going to love me. Right? So what happened? The first two weeks I went great.

186 down to 183, 183 down to 180, right on schedule. Then I went to fucking Montreal and I got my ass kicked. I did, you know, I went on the road. I didn't lose any weight, but I didn't get any weight. Stayed at a buck 80. So I was two in one. Week three, down to a buck, uh, 77 week four down to a buck. 74 week five down to one, 71. Now this week, all right. So I'm five and one, uh, five and one, oh, Billy fat tits turning the bus around driving away from the bakery

And over to the sell it, but So this week I needed to be 168.0 To be 6 and 1 and have a commanding lead and the AFC east of pasty tits, right? This this week I weighed in at 168.8. Oh, big time loss. Oh, 61 would have looked so good on the calendar. Now I'm 5 and 2. I did great up until last night and my wife had somebody, you know, in town that we both knew. They're going to do business or whatever and I knew this person, sort of business and friends. So we went down to the rainbow room on sunset and I had two old duels. I mean, those have to be of all the

empty calories out there. Those have to be the emptiest of them all and Then I had two slices of pizza. It did that around 10 11 o'clock and at my age that's enough to fuck you over and So whatever so next week I got to be down to 165 I don't know how the fuck I'm gonna do that. That's almost four pounds probably not gonna happen I might have to adjust my goal to 166 in fact. I think I'm gonna we'll just say 166 because that'll be 2.8 pounds, right? So rather than me getting discouraged By not making 165 will be psyched to be 166 and I know what you're thinking like Jesus Christ bill

That's like when they give every fucking Dom kid a god damn trophy because he he ran Down the street with his fucking shorts on. Right? Whatever the hell they doing, Jim class now. Everybody clap your hands. Everybody clap your hands and get some fucking trophy. I'm not doing that that way.

All right, I'm taking the loss. I'm five and two. You got to have realistic goals here. If I don't hit him, then I go, oh, fuck it. I go back to boozing. And nothing too, not drinking and fucking working out makes Billy a tired boy. Drink and I could stay up all night, running my fucking yep. So anyways, 168.8. And I'm glad that I'm talking about this on the podcast, because right now, I think I look great. All right. I fucking, you know, wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and I go, God damn that is one good looking son of a bitch.

Right? I like the way I look right now. It's been a while. So the temptation is to stop. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, boo, boo. Do they sing that song? Sunshine on a cloudy day. Start hearing that song. Well, I'll get some chocolate cake, right? You just start eating like a fucking moron. Do a little bingo bingo as Joe De Rosa says. Bingo bingo, which is a beer in a shot. I believe Joe to want to Joe Doros' friends back home coin

death phrase, bingo bingo. And there's a few people doing that last night at the rainbow room and I was like, God damn it, that looks that looks enjoyable. As I look across this sticky table eating a surprisingly good pizza, surprisingly good slice of pizza for Los Angeles, California at the rainbow room. Seeing somebody do a little bingo, bingo was like, oh man. In fact, the last of Philose Angel's California at the Rainbow Room. Seeing somebody do a little bingo, bangles, like, oh man. In fact, the last time I did that, I think, was at the Rainbow Room. I don't go there often.

But when I do, you know, beer in a shot, you got to do it. Why else would you go there? To look at the Nelson memorabilia? I don't think I do. Is that his base up on the wall? Who knows? All right, anyways, so 168, that's all right. So next week I'm gonna go for 166. And then the following week, I'll be what?

See, that'd be 163, I'll be a pound short, so I'll have to go next a couple of days. And that's what I get. That's what I get for drinking a couple of old duels Which I got to tell you for non-alcohol. It's not that bad It's not good. You know what I mean? The amptiest of all empty calories. What a fucking moron, right? So anyways, I

Hey, by the way my phone is acting up here. I got the fucking iPhone 6 So I'm supposed to be with all the cool kids here with all the brand new shit and for some reason this thing. Yeah I just lost all my fucking text messages But it's saying I have three and then it keeps telling me to sign into iCloud Which I don't want to do. And I keep it in cancel, and then it keeps popping up again. If anybody knows how to make that go away, make the world go away, make that fucking thing go away, I would, I would really appreciate it. Messages, what

did I do here? How come I'm not getting my messages? So you know, what you want to do is click on the settings The settings fucking thing me jiggie there. I Have no idea what's going on here. I have the iPhone 6. What happened? Did I sweat on it? Did I drop it in a fish tank? There we see that do you know did you drop it? Oh? Yeah, I just fucking spiked it on the ground pal That's you know you're not supposed to do that with the phone?

Yeah, I wasn't sure. So anyways, let's see, what do I weigh? I weigh 168.8. So I'm going for 166. The back of my head, I'm still going for 165. And I'll also, I'm gonna ride this bike that I just got fucking redone. Fixed up or whatever A couple times this week

Just because every time I look at it I hear Versi's voice now going dude you never gonna you never gonna ride it That is the biggest fucking waste of money And you know what every time I think he's right? I picture Paul Versi on a bicycle and I just start dying laughing and I realized He doesn't ride a bike. Paul Verzi never rode a bike. You know what I mean? He likes four to us sedans. Anybody likes a four to us sedans does not like a bicycle. You know, the, the, what the kind of motor trend. He's the kind of guy that if he bought a motorcycle, he'd get one to get a fucking three wheeler, right? get a fucking three wheeler, right? And my in ass all here, I still realize you're exposed when you ride those things, but I think the only people who should ride those are really old bikers who spent four to five decades riding

on two wheels, then they're just too old, you know, too brittle to get back out there in their old horse, so so but they still love riding. So you get him to fucking trike. You know, you get him the three wheeler, right? Seeing these fucking, every time I see a fucking young punk on one of those things, they're always looking over their shoulder and somebody in like a fucking German Ford or sports car, not sports car.

Ford or sedan is always chasing them. It's happened to me three times out here. I see some kid in one and he comes roaring up to the red light and he's frantically looking over his shoulder and then some kid and like a white BMW was chasing. It was like fucking grand theft auto. Actually, I only saw it one time, but recently I saw another kid pull up to a red light in a three wheeler and he fucking looked over his shoulder. So within my head, not only was it happening again, I added another one. Almost like bankers,

when you deposit a hundred bucks and then they loan out that hundred bucks like fucking 90 different to 90 different people and just counterfeit 800 bucks out of the fucking air, right? Anyways, this is the Monday Morning Podcast. Anyway, this is the Monday morning podcast for this week and I got to I got to make sure I fucking eat well this fucking week. I got to do this I got to see this thing through I got to get down to a buck 62 Other than that my fucking summers get about ready to get fucking great with football coming around

I can't fucking believe it's almost here. You know, I am so Jones and for sports right now that I actually taped If you wonder about my weird breathing I had a fucking burrito today. I'm just I'm going off the rails But I'm talking about it out loud here, so I don't fuck up. You know what happens first day looking the Mary like dude I look good. I look fine, right and that party brain goes hey, let's go to McDonald's You know what i think i will uh... but i actually watch serena williams in the semifinals of that uh... since an anti-ternum it

and i didn't see it today i kind of got into all these obscure tournaments i only used to watch like the finals of the majors but right now i'm reading andre august's book uh... open which I highly fucking recommend, especially for somebody who's trying to accomplish something or if you fucking hate tennis. The way he describes what you go through mentally, ah, God, I can't stop you on it. What you go through mentally when trying to win a tournament or just trying to get better

Or not get psyched out because you're the new kid in your plane against John McEnroe's or some fucking legend It's an incredible book. So I started and what has fascinated me more than the majors has been all these what I considered jerk off tournaments that I never paid attention to. Indian Wells Cincinnati, you know, the Clay Seas. And I only thought there was just a French open and that's it. And he was like saying that there's the Clay Seas and the Grass Seas and they got all these other fucking obscure tournaments. And you know what I love most about him? Plenty of fucking seats. Jesus Christ, you could have just walked into Cincinnati and sat down and watched whoever the fuck you wanted tremendous so I watched Serena win and

Today she won the whole thing and Roger Federer, oh so one and I guess he's looking young You know, okay, he's rewinding the clock there and the US opens around the corner My making you guys young. I don't know what's going on with me. I don't know what's going on here. You know what it is? I ate a bunch of shit food. My body's reacting to it right now. It's fucking just shutting everything down. You know, like when you close all the extra apps, because it's sucking off your fucking battery there.

You know what I mean? I think that's what my brains do right now. All right, let's shut it down and deal with this fucked up thing and just putting our stomach. This is the priority. Everything else, like consciousness, doesn't fucking matter anymore. So anyways, I'm actually psyched to watch the US open

and actually to watch tennis on a level that I never watched it before, which is basically to pay attention to is they as a person keep hitting to the other person's forehand to their backhand they hit it right at him where do they put it in the box when they fucking serve it you know there's a person cheat in I still watch that though if they cheat it in you know if they stand at a few feet behind the baseline then on the second serve are they inside the baseline and that type of shy you know I never used to pay attention to that shit,

but it actually makes tennis way more enjoyable to watch. And so whatever, you know, I'm not a big reader, but I'm actually enjoying the Andre Aguisee book there. So anyways, Jesus, 14 fuckin minutes, I'm just babbling, babbling. So anyways, did anybody watch? I was on Conan this week. I want to thank everybody over there once again, had a fucking awesome time. How great is Conan, man? The guy just rolls with it every time you get out there. And as you noticed,

I was hyping the Madison Square Garden show, which is obviously a big deal for me. And I wait a minute. I already talked to him. I did I kind of talk about this. I said who was gonna be on it? And whatnot whatever that's fun though. That shit is always fun doing fucking panel It's a lot easier than coming out there and doing fucking stand-up, you know what I mean? We just have to go out there and host the show Going out and doing panels easy, just sit down. If you get someone cool like Conan, he just fucking set you up, just tease you up the whole time.

You know, then if you're on a nice run, he lets you go. And then if you fucking fall on your face, he jumps in, he saves you. Right? Here in Andy. So once again, thanks to everybody over there. I had a fucking awesome time as always. And all right, oh, let's get to the big fucking thing of this week that affected my life,

the big controversy, the big blowback in this comedy climate that we live in, which obviously what I'm talking about, and I've kind of been dancing around it for the first fourteen minutes uh... because i've been debating about whether or not to talk about this and just throw more gas on the fire or just let it burn itself out

of course what i am talking about is espn retracting their statements and apologizing to the new england patriots at twelve twenty in the fucking morning can you can to the New England Patriots at 1220 in the fucking morning. Can you fucking? Can you fucking believe that? Is ESPN not the biggest bunch of fucking pussy ever? First of all, they re-reported a story that was retracted in 2007,

and it's that classic one that, oh, some guy heard a rumor that somebody said that the Patriots filmed the Rams walk through before the Super Bowl. That story came from the Boston Herald. It was retracted in like fucking 2007, according to the three seconds of fucking research that I did before I did this podcast. ESPN, I evidently recently repeated it. I never watch ESPN anymore.

Somebody tweeted it to me, that's how I actually know about this shit. So I guess they brought it up again, is if it hadn't been retracted and proven false. So then they had egg on their face. And rather than apologizing during the time of day when they fucking first reported it. They did it quickly at 12.20 in the fucking morning. What a bunch of babies. You know, so there you go, everybody. All you Patriot haters. Have you noticed all the paint peeling off your fucking arguments?

How about this? How about this? We're the best fucking football team in the NFL for the last 15 years and we got the trophies and the rings to prove it All right, other than that You can get on your knees and suck a giant fucking dick with your bullshit fucking arguments All of it from spygate right to the flake gate the film and practices all of it is a bunch of fucking bullshit All of it is a bunch of fucking bullshit Spygate might be the worst one ever if you ever do any research on it and Google some of the best coaches in the league talking about filming other fucking teams Putting binoculars on them a Veritable who's who of Hall of Fame coaches talking about doing it so

Fuck all you guys and I can't hear you. I can't hear you anymore because I know you're just gonna have to retract it soon enough. But by all means keep giving Seattle, you know, with their own owner, fucks over his own fan base with the alleged large beer and small beer building a stadium that makes his team sound louder than they actually are. An old squeaky clean fucking Pete Carroll. Oh yeah, there's a fucking alter boy for you. I'm sure nothing. You know, what do he got busted for doing something?

Look, Gaysman ship last year, having people reporting to practice before they should have to try to get some extra advantage. That's all right. That's just because he's so dedicated. They're not cheating out there. Now, I'm the Raiders, the Cowboys. There's a a couple of squeaky clean fucking franchise. Give me a fucking break fuck all you guys fuck all you fucking you Fuck all you all right

We are the champions again. I love it. I love it ESPN with their tail between their fucking legs 12- 12- 20 in the fucking morning. Oh yeah, by the way, that's stuff we said about the pages with bullshit. Anyway, shameless ESPN who fan the flames of that fucking deflate gate after they fucking, after they did a study and proved that it was a disadvantage and then they tried to quickly take it down. Oh, you fucking horse Fuck yourselves. All right, let's do a little advertising here for this week All right, what do we got here? What do we? Speaking of fucking me undies. I went and visited a friend of mine today down on Manhattan Beach And I have a number of friends that have recently moved out there and they keep telling me,

Oh, dude, you got to fucking move out here. It's awesome. You know, you can walk around. Everything's fucking cool. First time I go down there, there's this crazy homeless guy, right? Who will just be walking around muttering that out of nowhere. He just fucking yell so loud and like throw this crazy punch. And every time it scared the fuck out of me and I knew it was coming He'd be just walking Every time No, you just kept going BAM

And he just fucking throw this punch and every time it made me give me like a little fucking heart attack like what's his face and blocks He blew and So I'm thinking alright, it's nighttime You know the beach is just like you know, it it just attracts so many fucking losers, you know, because their whole deal is like, even if I fuck up, I can still survive and live outside, curl up in the warm sand, you know what I mean?

So anyways, I'm walking down the today with my buddy, it's during the day, and it's more like family time, and I'm walking down the fucking street, right? And there's like these two fucking girls. I don't know how old they were, but they didn't have any curves yet. And they're wearing these bikinis, and they got like three quarters of their ass

that they don't even have yet hanging out of the back of it. And I'm looking at my buddy and I'm going like, dude, why are those little girls, like they were like fucking 12 walking with their asses What what is what the fuck is wrong with parents today? I want to welcome their parents to just be like that. That's okay with you Do you ever watch to catch a predator what the fuck are you doing?

Can you put your kids asses away, please? Fucking worse parent that literally should they somebody should just come up and just I don't know what Can you put your kids asses away, please? Fucking worse par... They should... They... Somebody should just come up and just... I don't know what. What do you fucking...

Dump a bucket of ice water over their parents head and just scream, wake up! You know? People if you have young children, can you cover them up? Jesus Christ. That was so creepy. It should have been in one of those fucking Who's a guy who does it used to be Calvin Klein had the creepy fucking Pre-pused-blessing fucking kids like locked in the cellar remember those fucking commercials and there was like the guy off camera Just being like so what do you like to do for fun? Oh yeah, those jeans are kind of falling off your hips, aren't they? That's fucking awful. That awful commercial,

my favorite one ever, Jim the taxi driver that Donnell Loeg did, you ever see when he did, I can't find it, but he did a a parody of that and he was sitting there with like his pants have pulled down answering the questions of some creepy guy off oh it's fucking hilarious but then the latest American apparel you know that creepy fucking feeling you get if you're any sort of a human being when you look at an American apparel ad you you know, I actually tweeted about it one time. You're pulling up to it and you know, the old man, you're fucking pulling up with your bad eyes going, Jesus, look at the ass on that.

Ah, he's only 12, right? That's the same thing that's the same fucking feeling. Today, it's like, what the, why? Who's the fucking creep that makes a bathing suit for a little girl like that? You know? I don't know. Whoever it is, he goes by uncle.

That's always a fucking, that's always a dead giveaway. When somebody's in their 40s, they're not married, right? And they're still hanging out with people half their age and they go, oh, just call me, fucking uncle, whatever. That's when you immediately have to leave. And if there's any drink in the room, don't drink it. Right, my fucking nuts, that's just what I believe. Parents, I mean, who am I?

I don't have any fucking kids, I shouldn't say it, but for the love of God, you know, if your kids like, you know, if you add your kids age It's like Under five, you know, one plus two three, you know what I'm saying? That's probably the math done I shouldn't use a math equation. I'm too fucking dumb for that. I'm just saying you know what the fuck I'm saying and then it makes you feel like a fucking creep It's like would you get that out of here? Please horrific horrific parenting.

All right, let's plow ahead here. The fuck else was I going to talk about. I think that's that's it. Said all I have to I apologize lately. These fucking podcasts I have absolutely nothing to talk about because I've just been in a fucking edit room Oh, I can't tell you this The drum lessons have been going fucking great Trying to get that molar method thing down finally after all these goddamn years. Let's see if I can actually Sign in at eye cloud sign in at the fucking eye cloud What the fuck is this thing now I can't even look at my photos? Yeah Jesus does anybody know what's what's what is better than the iPhone or what's comparable to it?

So anyways right now I'm going through that book the art of Bob drumming by John Riley and I'm just fucking with two the art of Bob drumming by John Riley. I'm just fucking with two lines on one page and it's below in my mind all the different ways you can play it. So I'm going to have fun for the rest of the year here. Anyways, you know, he was getting it. Why don't I just fucking get to the goddamn questions? I'll fucking go from there. Somebody sent me this thing. Teams react to Encyclopedias, you know, because they all grew up on computers and shit and they're looking at them like, what the fuck are these? And I really wanted to laugh at them that they didn't understand,

or thought encyclopedias were stupid, but 20 seconds into it is, I was just like, this is what I sound like, when I'm trying to use an iPhone or any sort of computer. So I can't make fun of them, right? That wouldn't be fair. And to be honest with you, I understood encyclopedias and I sucked at those two.

That was a big deal though. If you were any sort of a fucking nerd man and you got encyclopedias, then they came out with more specific ones, like ones that were just dedicated to sports, I would fucking read those all goddamn day. All goddamn day. And like, you know, my parents and everybody would get mad

Like what are you gonna get out of that fuck what are you gonna get out of that? It's like I don't know Maybe someday there'll be a 24 hours sports network that I could get a job and make millions of dollars a year and Say things that aren't true and then retracted it one in the morning Support a coke habit and get some horse. I mean who who knows? There's all kinds of shit that could happen here. But watching that just took me back to those days. I haven't do fucking book reports and all that. Oh my God. Book report. I was just waiting to do it. There was always that fucking kid that just had the fucking ability to just go home, read the book, and get it done. And just get on with their life.

I would just sit there staring at the book, walking by it every day, like it was like, I don't know, my doose's head, like I was going to turn to stone if I fucking looked at the thing. I really wish, you know, if I could go back and do my life over again, there's just so much shit that I just would have faced immediately and just gotten it over with. From fucking ass kick-ins to book reports, to the molar method, playing drums, just sitting down and dedicating fucking three months of my life to get a little bit of muscle memory so that it slides in eventually to my playing. And just say, okay, the next three months are going to fucking suck with it's going to be slow increments of growth.

And when I come out the other side, I'm going to be really excited about it. I just wish I had that when I was a kid. And it's something that I've slowly developed as I've gotten older, especially once you get out of school and you actually get to start choosing things that you want to do as opposed to having to do. You know, get my helicopter license and shit like that. You know, back in the day, that would have just ate me up. I would have saw all those assignments and be like, I have to remember shit. Fuck this man.

And I would just try to make people laugh in the fucking class. And then that would be it. Next thing I was in summer school with a powder look on my face like I wasn't there because of me like somehow I had been fucking wrong. So anyways, I don't have the fucking talking about here. But if you can develop that, you know, on any fucking level, it makes you day so much less stressful. You ever just make a list of shit you have to get done and you wake up and you just do it. And then you look and it's like fucking 11.30 in the morning you got the whole rest of your day. You know, that's a great way to spend your day.

And it's also a great way to actually develop a drinking problem because then you got the whole fucking day. You got no responsibility. Mine is well get shit faced, right? Speaking of boozing. Oh, no, I miss it. I do when I don't. I miss it at night.

I don't miss it during the morning hours. Or when I step on the scale, I don't miss it. But I have to tell you this. And you can call me a snob. My wife is totally into that American greed and One of the things that I find these guys constantly spending money on we're just blowing money on is doing like thousand dollar shots of cognac cognac however the fuck you say it and

me and Jason Lawhead Did a hundred dollar shots one time One time we said fuck it. We both did a show. You know, I had sold some posters. He sold some fucking CDs and we had some merch money and we just like fuck it. Let's just take the merch money. Let's blow it on one shot. Let's fucking taste this shit. And it was unbelievable. And you know, unlike whiskeys that seem to only go up to about, I don't know, 20, 25 years like Bourbons, like those cognacs can go, I mean, as far as I know, I saw some on the internet because I was looking them up that went back hundreds of years. Is that true?

I know wine can go back like that, but I was wondering, anybody out there currently in bezzling money from a company and can recommend, you know, obviously I'm not going to do a thousand dollar shot. But can you recommend some, you know, dip in my toe in the water when I come off this thing? Because as you're hearing this, I'm 50 days in to my 72 day stay of no fucking alcohol. I'm already 50 days in, huh? Little quick, it goes. So when I come out of it, man, I would really love to, I would really love to try something like that.

Because with that shit,'re just sitting there like I remember when they poured the shot I was almost afraid I was gonna spill it I forget how old was like 60 years old I'm like oh my god this is like I forget how old I was at the time I was like this this is like 15 years older than me like this thing was put into the barrel, whatever they do, when like Harry Truman was still in the, like he was just, well, I can't know it. It was true. Early was Truman in early 50s, I think. Yeah, the early 50s. I think Truman was in office, right? Well, let's see, he finished World War II. Drop the bomb. That was like 46, 19, five.

Jesus Christ, be able to fucking internet's right in front of you. Can you stop torturing the goddamn listeners? Who the fuck was president in 1952? I'm going with Truman. I thought I went FDR Truman and then Eisenhower. US President 19. U.S. President 1952 and it is Harry S. Truman go fuck yourself, bam! That guy looks like somebody I wouldn't fuck with man, there's just something about those round rim glasses.

You know what he looks like? He looks like the actor that played the warden in the fucking Shawshank Redemption, doesn't he? I wonder if he called up Japan after he dropped the second one. Do you like that second one? Or am I being obtuse? Anyways. The fuck am I talking about?

What am I talking about? Oh, I'm talking about the cognac. I was almost afraid to fucking spill it. And then also you didn't want to drink it really fast. You wanted to like, save it. So I'm thinking when I go back to booze and so I'm not bingo bingo in the whole fucking time. I'm actually just sipping it nice and slow like nice and slow see that's the way to do it nice and slow. Fred Flintstone, for those of you who are my age and that you were like, where the fuck is that from? Where the fuck is that from? I don't want to torture you. That was from the Fred Flintstone episode when Fred got mugged

and the guy was telling the rich in to grab his stegosaurus wallet, right? And he was going nice and slow. She dashed away to do it nice and slow. Remember the guns, like the barrel was made out of a hollowed out tree branch and then you just with, I don't know, the tendon of a bird, you stretched back to fucking rock. I guess that would kill you back then. I had no idea. Did you know that cavemen had pistols? I love the fucking caveman diet by the way everybody you caveman diet. This is what cavemen ate. Yeah, yeah, they probably ate worms and they ate ants.

They probably ate anything that they could fucking get the goddamn hands on. They're dirty filthy hands and then they died of some intestinal virus when they were like 15. filthy hands and then they died of some intestinal virus when they were like 15. You know, I let the caveman die. Like who the fuck knows what they ate? Did they draw a picture of it on the inside of a cave? How the fuck do you know what that is? They should call that our guess of the caveman diet. All right, well, let's see. We know Fritos is going around back then. Cross those off the list. Like, do you honestly think that there was like, like, where the fuck was Canelope? Where was an avocado? What a fuck was any of that shit? You're just walking around

trying not to get eaten. You grab a stick, you stabs out. I would think that you're eating fucking roadkill. You're hunting shit and then you're just eating stuff. You're sticking your slam and your face in a stream. Right? Trying to be upriver of somebody else who's down there with his fucking prehistoric goddamn balls and taint in the fucking water. I don't know who knows what the fuck they eat. I'm so sick of people telling me about the goddamn caveman diet. Yeah, it's a caveman diet. I have an egg over easy. All right, let's get on with the, let's go on with the

questions here for this week. Lady fan, lady. Hey, ladies. Hey, that bill. I'm a lady fan and I'm exciting, excited. What? And I'm seeing you for the first time in Chicago in October. So excited. See, my brain does, it's, it's reading one sentence while it's looking at words in the next line below. I don't want my fucking problems here. My husband has been acting weird about us coming to see your show. I think it's because a few weeks ago,

we were watching one of your specials and I said you were my celebrity crush. Oh Jesus, my husband shows Scarlett Johansson. Nice fucking choice. I like this guy. Of course, I would never cheat on my husband but I'm afraid if I enjoy your show too much, he's going to give me a side I look or bring it up later. Can you please put his mind at ease?

Why do I have to put his mind at ease? Why don't you quit picking people that are attainable? He would scarlet your answer. There's no way he's gonna get anywhere near her. You pick some fucking dope that tells dick jokes in a strip mall. No wonder he's looking at you fucked up. How dare you make a fucking mess and then tell me to mop it up. What What is in it for me? Yeah, what are we talking about? I get out. I'm not I don't put him at ease What are you gonna do run up on the stage? I'm gonna do the show and then I'm fun. I'll be out the I'll be out the fucking door because I'm drinking again Baby, I'm drinking again

Right I don't know you shouldn't have said that. Like, look, if my wife, if I asked her what is her celebrity crush and she says Brad Pitt, she says fucking Denzel, I don't give a fuck. She might as well be picking a man on the moon, right? But is she named like a fucking comedian? That performs at the comedy store like I do. Yeah, I would be like, well, what the fuck? You could you could bang that person while I was on stage the next time I went to the store. Yeah So that's on you sweetheart. What you should say is I did i did i say bill bur i meant rain in bur yes the dead fat guy yeah that that's that's what i'm so how is i saying

what is it or billy bush that's what i meant i don't believe us uh... alright teach close-up thing with uh... you know i just want to have a good time at your show without worrying about him being weird. You created the weirdness.

All right. Okay, being a landlord from a lady, this is two letters from a lady. This is a fucking, this is a record here. Dear Billy Buttercheeks, you've been talking about becoming a landlord lately, so I thought I'd write to you about what it's like to be one. Please don't step on my dream. Okay, I'll before I even read this, I know that if it's as big a nightmare as everybody claims it would be, no one would be a fucking landlord. All right, all right. First, know that your property will be destroyed. You need to prepare yourself to watch it get trashed over and over again

because your tenants either by negligence, by ignorance, parentheses, not letting you know when something's wrong until it's very, very wrong or in spite when they vacate. The feeling of seeing your property ruined over and over again sucks and it's expensive. Second, someday you will have to evict somebody. That sounds easy, but it's not, especially for anybody with a heart. And I know you have a big heart, you can't hide from me. I'm from Ohio. The first time someone burst into tears upon being served in a viction notice and spins their sob story, well, you might not believe them. You might go ahead

in a victim, but you will forever wonder if you did the right thing. And if it's an elderly person or a disabled veteran, forget it. How can you do that? You can't. Yeah, there's no way I could do that. I own properties in Seattle and Portland and with all the Californians fleeing the drought, they were only, they were only, they were only going to appreciate and value, but climate change refugees are going to be desperate people and I didn't want to take advantage of their plight. I didn't want to become that person. Someone will no doubt, but it won't be me.

I don't have the heart. So think about it twice. Sure, it seems like easy money and sociopaths will tell you it's no sweat with a good lawyer, but you have to be very detached emotionally. I wasn't capable of that, so I sold out. There are so many other ways to invest your money. Just my two cents. I'm a lady, so feel free to toss in this, to toss this in the trash. Come on. Go fuck yourself. All right. All right. Well, it seems like you didn't have the heart, so you got out of it. Yeah, that would hurt me if people fucked it up. Whenever I fucked up, I had a dog. I have a dog, and she fucked it all up.

And before I left, I got everything fixed, and they were really surprised. Because when I went to move out, they were like, oh, yeah. But before you move out, we need to inspect that damage because somebody came over and fixed the sink, saw all the damage like the wood moldings and that type of shit in one of the windows. Out of respect and then also knowing that landlords will go down to home peep depot and Spend 20 bucks and then charge me my entire fucking deposit so I eliminated that from the equation I'm still gonna become a landlord. I think it's a great fucking investment and I do have the heart to give people a break And I also think I know when someone's bullshit me Yeah, you know what I mean?

Pay fucking rent, or beat it. You gotta get in that mindset. You know what I think it is? I think people who really are landlords and don't give a fuck and look at shit is bricks and mortar and a black and white probably do the best in that business. And so I think you gotta do that.

You know what I mean? You gotta watch the movie heat and listen to Deneiro talk about you got to be willing to walk away at any second you know you got to be willing to evict somebody and just fucking walk away all right bill okay thank you for doing the podcast easy for people to take that out of that that you can be a little more reliable uploading Thursday still ha ha ha ha content. Alright, here we go.

I actually fucked up that guy's joke. He was trying to act like he was going to be cool here. Thank you for doing the podcast. Easy for people to take for granted slash bust your balls on Twitter. But know that they are appreciated. The podcast are appreciated. You could be a little more reliable uploading Thursdays though. Still being a cut. Alright, I've been steadily losing my hair for the last couple of years. It's getting to the point where I'm thinking

each haircut might be the last before I start buzzing it all. Kind of crossing my fingers that there's still a comprehensive head of hair when the barber sprints the chair around. I've come as close as I can to making peace with the life of baldness, not thrilled about being here at 30 and women slash guys guys with hair don't really get what a bummer it can be. But what are you going to do? My question, how do I talk about

this with my wife? We have discussed it, we haven't discussed it whatsoever, as she is able to sense my discomfort with the topic and has never tried to force the dialogue. My wife and I have an honest relationship and have openly discussed topics much more awkward with actual real world ramifications. All right, so you've talked about having a threesome. Oh, shit. All right, it's also not like she can't see the hairline's going, but I've built up a whole awkward wall around the

topic, and I'm not sure how to slice through it. Did you have any conversations with Nea prior to hacking off what was left to your hair? Any words of wisdom from the post buzz world? I'm hoping to catch you at a future Steve Allen theater slash comedy store gig best of luck at Madison Square Garden. Thank you very much. Yeah it was actually me his idea because I kind of wanted to do it and She was like you should do it you should do it like I'm out you know because the big thing is what kind of head do I have Because you don't have that flat fucking thing in the back You know what I mean? Well the back of your head goes straight into your fucking neck

So I started saying that I was going to do it and she just kept fucking singing this song. Nia, I got to bring her in here. She kept saying she go shave your head, shave, shave your head. Come on now. Every time I would walk by. And then she just yell, shave it. Just do it. Fucking shave it. Hold on a sec. See if I can get her in here. Thank me. Come here, I need you on the quad tap. I gotta, I gotta bring this, I gotta bring this one back. This guy, right?

He's losing his hair. He's like 30 years old, all right? He's almost to the point where he's gonna he's gonna shave his head And you say in cow because I did it You know what I mean he doesn't see but he doesn't talk about it with his wife And she knows that he's sensitive so he's built like this awkward wall, but it's just totally Obvious and they were saying did you ever have a conversation with Nia about shaving my head and as far as I remember was your idea, right? It was.

Do you remember that song you used to sing? No. Save your head. Save your head. Yeah. Remember that? And I would laugh. I forgot about that.

Yeah. And then I finally went ahead and did it. I will tell you this. When was the first time? I don't know. Come here. Come over here. When was it that you've did it for the first time? Come here, come over here. When was it that you did it for the first time?

How long ago? Get on the mic here. Um, about nine years ago, the first time I did, and then when I did date night, they asked me to grow it back. And I was like, I was like going, well, there's not much to grow back. And they were like, yeah, we'll fill it in, we'll fill it in, or whatever. So I was like, all right. And then I grew it back, and then I kept it for a while because I started thinking like, this is why I'm getting

acting roles, which is the dumbest thing you can do. It's not because of my skills. It's because my hair. Yeah. It's a balding, which was stupid. And I want to, it's the greatest fucking thing. If you're bought, it's the greatest fucking thing you'll ever do. And I'm actually reading Andre Aguise's book where he was talking about it. No, he wore a fucking hair piece. And one time he was in the shower before the French open final. And he was in the shower and his whole hair piece came apart. So they had to fucking glue the thing back together.

So he went on the court and played this guy. He could have beaten the whole time. He was worried that his fucking hair piece was going to come flying off like a three stooge's episode. You know, fucking embarrassing. That would have been terrible. Yeah. So he talks about how I guess Brook Shields finally convinced him to do it and he did it and then he felt great. Yeah, I will tell you it's the greatest it's the greatest it's the greatest thing ever. The greatest fucking thing you could all these fucking guys going out and like fucking slicing up the back of

the heads I have in the shit vacuumed out and then parrot troop on top of their head. Like most of that shit it works for a minute. But then the thing is like those they go the hairs in the back of your head don't those things never fall out. So if you put them on the top of your head, then you're okay But the thing is you still have all that other hair up there that's gonna fall out So that shit falls out and then you need more fucking replacements and then sometimes you can actually it can like not work as far as I know so I'm a big fucking I don't know. I'm a big just I think it's a fucking way better move.

I actually, it's the man move. You're fucking dealing with the hand you've been dealt. You just do it. This is what I look like. People go, what the fuck for a few days? And then they think you look when they see pictures of you with here, they think you look weird. And then you're free. You're fucking free.

So rather than going there to the barber every time and putting your head down as he cuts it and then open your eyes going, what does it look like now? Just fucking get it over with. Get it over with dude. Shave your fucking head. What are you saying Needy? Shave it. Yeah, shave it. It's fucking awesome. Then you love it. You know what's great? No matter how late you wake up for work, you can just throw on clothes and get there and no one will know you didn't take a shower because you don't have bedhead anymore. Bye, Neenie.

Bye. All right. Hey, should, oh, I have my good talk. We're, I mean, yeah, actually considering, uh, doing a project together, might write a book, but it's not the kind of book you think. It's not about us. So is that dumb? Is that dumb to get in a business? Why? Why would it be? You know what I mean? Oh, no, you know, I have a get divorced to take me for half a half. I got it. So I might, she might as well

fucking be helping me create, you know. She could tell she's not in the room anymore. All right, let's, let's read that's read the last of the advertising it. the way if you guys are gonna go to a comedy club out here You got to go down to the comedy store man. They got a line around the block and I think I know why listen to this fucking lineup I was on I went on on the main room Friday night and I walked in Mark Marin was on stage who then brought up David Spade who then brought up Joe Rogan and then I had to go on after all of those fucking monsters. It's unbelievable to the comedy store lately. It's get your ass down there.

Everybody's been fucking coming through and just insane, insane fucking shows down there. It's fun. You know, and Rogan has been working out like a maniac on his fucking act. He was destroying in front of me. You know, it's funny as a comic that's been doing it this long, you know, I always watch Rogan, but I was talking to somebody, but like subconsciously you're hearing the laughs. And at one point, he was getting this level of laughter that I had to end the conversation and then start making a set list. I'm like I just can't just walk on the stage after this fucking

Mayhem that's going on out there. I actually I need a game plan here Which is another fucking great reason to go down there. You know what I mean all those guys pushing you All right, let's get let's read the last couple here. All right, bullied at work. Hi, Billy Buffboy. I work in an office with several young females. So several young ladies. Sounds good, right? Wrong. I'm the only young male here. So what's wrong? They like to gang, he said, gain, G A I N, gain up on me. It's gang, G A N G, gang up on me and constantly put me down or make fun of me. It started out all fun and gains, but some of them have recently become very aggressive and are almost verbally attacking me. What, what, I don't understand. What is the problem here when I brought it up to them

It just made it worse and made me more of a target. Yeah, dude. You never got bullied before The last thing you say to a bully is you what you're doing is really bothering me just so you know What can I do to make this situation better without getting management involved? I don't want to get them fired or anything. I just want, I just don't want to be the female punching bag anymore. Thanks. I don't understand what is going on here. What are they saying to you? If they're giving you shit, you got to give them shit back. You don't want to me come on man defeat the fucking woman and a verbal thing you know where you have to go But you can't go there because then they're gonna rat you out to the boss

This is what you do just walk in right Just walking with your eyes squinting One day You know looking like an idiot just walk in just in blinking a lot just squinting one day. You know, looking like an idiot, just walking, just in blinkin' a lot, just squinting and walk right up to the one with the smallest chest. Don't do that. I was just gonna say just do that. She goes, what are you doing? Just go on. Try to see your titties. That's so childish and stupid, but unbelievably effective. And I think, I mean, I'm not gonna speak for women here, but what I really think it is, is women realize the

unbelievable power that they have over guys with their looks. So if you ever indicate that there is a flaw in their looks or that they're starting to slip, it really fucks with them. It's too mean. I don't have fucking sympathy for you. What are they? They're just verbally abusing you. Give them shit back. Give them what are they saying? Right back to me. Right back to me. What the fuck? Are you one of those kids did you always wear a helmet when you rode a bicycle did you have play dates are you part of that fucking generation dude come on man snap out of it yeah I just I would just be like hey what when you can't gonna stop being such

cuts something you got you got to shoot something across the bow. You got to give him shit, dude. You got to give him shit. Just point it whatever they're wearing, be like, oh my God, where did you get that? And then just keep walking. That's all you have to do. That fucks up a woman's day. What do you mean by that? Do you think? Just give it back to him. Just give it back to him, dude. I don't you fucking grow a dick and give it back to him. Come on. This is like this whole fucking thing. I'm guessing you're a younger person. Oh, you said a young male. Yeah, you've been completely beaten down to the point where you're now, you know, we went from men beating women with fucking

mob handles 100 fucking years ago to now this, this to the point of a complete over correction that you're going to sit here and allow yourself to get verbally abused because they're women. I do like the fact that you don't want to be a rat and rat amount. This is what you got to do, okay? Treat them with the same level of respect that treating you. I would avoid name calling and I would definitely not curse. But other than that, I would be just as fucking mean as they are. I just do. It is so easy to fuck with. The next time one of them says something

to you, just offer some gum and just keep doing it and just being like, listen, I'm not trying to be a jerk. I don't know what you've been eating late, but I've noticed it over the last few days. And just invent in their head that they have this fucking halitosis. That's it. And then you divide and conquer it. It's a joke, dude. It's not that fucking hard. You know what I mean?

Just tell them which one you think is the most attractive and why, and let the other two losers fucking deal with that, and the other one will actually feel good that you said it about her. So now she's not fucking with you, and then the other two are pissed at the other girl, and then you get some infighting. And don't bring it down to look, just say, you know, just, you got to, she has a certain level of class that the other two of you lack. I'm not trying to be a jerk. And you just fucking leave it nice and vague like that. That's all you do. And all I'm doing is taking a page out of their book because women are masters at that vague mind fuck and then walking away. It's a work of art. I don't even think they have to work at it. They're just born with it tremendous It probably goes back in the day from when they would drag around from cave to cave by their fucking hair

They had to say something that mine fucked the hairy douchebag That was about ready to take advantage of them so they could walk away before he fucking dragged him into the cave Oh Jesus Christ. I'm just fucking talking all kinds of shit here. All right, let's wrap this thing up here. Career advice, dear Alexia Burr. Oh that's a great one and accurate. I've been a high school teacher for the past seven years, but my dream has always to become a professional writer. Oh, that's awesome. You know, dude, that would be a great life.

You molded some young minds, and then you became a professional writer. So far, he said, so far, I don't have a teaching job for the upcoming school year. I'm considering no longer having my own classes, and instead becoming substitute teacher for the school year. This would give me more time to write and submit my work to literary agents and hopefully get a big publishing deal. I've had some success so far with writing, a published short story and a nomination for a literary prize.

Dude, what the fuck are you waiting for? How many more signs of landy and neat? This is like Columbus when he fucking sailed over and he saw some tree branches and a couple of birds You're gonna get there Problem is that my wife and I still have a lot of student debt that we're repaying and Substitute teaching does teaching doesn't pay nearly as much as being a regular classroom teacher I've put off my dream of becoming a writer for years and I think now maybe the time to metaphorically Push in all my chips. I might lose but I might win. No, dude.

There's no way there's no way you lose when you go after a dream. You don't. It always leads to something better. Always. All right. Dude, fucking substitute teacher teach and be a fucking Uber driver. All right, and you know Eat it home more. Starving artist, I slept on a food ton till I was 36. I don't fucking regret any of it. I told you that story a zillion times in this podcast.

I was dating this woman and I said I had a spot. I had to go do and it paid $8 at the comic strip during the week. Tuesday night I went down there and I came back, I tried out a new bit and I was doing a, and afterwards I was at home in my apartment and I was doing this silly dance in the kitchen because I had a new bit and I was psyched because I had gone through this period

where I wasn't coming up with any new material. And she was laughing and then she got a sad look on her face and I said, what's the matter? And she said, I wish I had a job where I only got paid $8 yet I came home and I did a silly dance in the kitchen. And I never forgot that dude. So that you know what I mean, you got to suffer a little bit. But substitute teach Uber dude, you got a short story published and you got a nomination for a literary prize. Come on man, you know what you're supposed to do. I don't even have to go through the rest of this fucking thing.

He goes, my, all right, I'll get to the whole thing. He said, you know, part of me fights against the dream and insist that I have to do the responsible thing and keep teaching fuck all of that. Fuck all of the responsible thing to do is to listen to your heart. My question for you, either in your, either in your career when you were trying to build an audience and make it as a stand-up comedian, did you struggle with the financial strain of chasing your dream? Did you ever have to choose between a good-paying job or doing stand-up?

How hard was it to work at a shitty job just so you could chase your dream? Did you ever think that maybe you were wasting your time? Any advice or a current? I think I answered all of those. It wasn't hard to work at the shitty job because I was always thinking about the exciting job I was going to do afterwards. And every night that I just went up on stage and if it just went moderately okay, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't, I have to be honest with you, like, I couldn't fucking believe that I was actually doing it, that I was actually, I had a dream and I was making it happen.

And I still remember the first time I really went on stage and I actually got in the zone for what was considered a zone at the level comic I was and I only was in the zone for about eight seconds. I was at Nick's comedy stop in Framingham on Route 9. It doesn't even exist anymore. And I just got on this role of laughter that I was actually able to pause and fucking be in the moment and enjoy it rather than being like, oh my God, what's my next joke? What's my next joke? And that fucking feeling can carry you through a fucking shitty job for a week, chasing to get back on stage to feel that again.

And then the first time I got $5 for gas money, Freddy Stone, I've told all these stories, Freddy Stone, the excitable boy. That's what he went by. I did a room for him and he gave me $5 gas money. I'd probably spent 10 to get there and I couldn't fucking believe it. And I was like, I did that and they gave me this and I couldn't fucking believe it. And I was like, I did that and they gave me this. I couldn't fucking believe it. At what point?

Just listen to the sound of my voices. I'm talking about this. Have you ever had that level of excitement doing any other fucking job? That's what it's like when you go after a dream job. So nothing, nothing is worse than not going after it. Okay, and doing the responsible thing and all of that type of shit and then you sit in your house with all your responsible stuff,

fuck all of that. It's financially, I did not do the responsible thing. And yeah, I've said all these stories, I fucking used to eat spaghetti every fucking night with a can of fucking prego, and then a bunch of bread, and I would just fill myself up on that, or I'd go to Denny's and I'd get the five stack

of pancakes and just pour it my stomach like concrete, so I wouldn't have to eat the whole fucking day, and do stand up in some cafeteria, in some fucking college, and quitting never entered my mind. I just kept trying to get better at it because it's bad as some of those gigs were, the great ones were way better. So you'll have all of these stories just in a literary way. So without a doubt, you have to fucking do it. and I can tell you right now, man

Like with what you what you've already accomplished Like to me I would be thinking like I'm gonna I can affect way more people And make way more fucking money and live a fucking dream being a professional right? I mean, I mean, I mean, I'd be unbelievable be unbelievable so not to say that's anything wrong with teaching, but if Teaching isn't your dream. That's just the job you're doing. So I'm not shitting on teachers out there. It's one of the most underrated jobs and of course most underpaid jobs ever

But any I'm just trying to amp you up here. So Go out and fucking do it and email me when you get published because I think you're gonna I don't think you you know Look if you're a bunch up again bunch of other shit writers and you won one thing But you got two things going on here. All right. Give me a fucking break All right, you just need to push yourself out of the fucking bush not the bush the nest the bush That was oddly gross. All right, that's the fucking podcast for this week. Um, this fucking burrito fucking with me.

Well, the hiccups. What did I do? Um, back on the horse, back on the horse, back on the horse. Alright, go to the gym every day. It's just the cup pop, you know. And if you don't want to be fake, yeah, you gotta jump everyday you can't all right hit the gym hard Go after your dreams go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. See you The cup hasn't trained Kill the sounds to make it smile Strike your thirst Itch Come, get what you deserve Kill the very last will for the art of the

Binds and birds But tonight Been time passed But did not know that The way of the city started coming from there I was running fast like a hell I'm not a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good man, I'm a good Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

Oh, no! Oh, no! Give a shout at me or what I believe Give me a place to use away Tell me the rain corporation I'm working like a slave Bad thing twice The rain

Oh, I know now the side of the road I just found time, yeah, with the crowd New day, jittery morning sun So your fate's a lie, you move to the best You'll make me feel it If I fall in love, you might be lost to make it happen So you think you're blind with the fly, you would be man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I'm a man, I yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you