Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-26-21

Episode Date: August 27, 2021

Bill rambles about flying solo, kids fighting back, and guns.

COVID-19 doesn't hit every community the same. Many of us have had COVID and no people who have gone to the hospital. Some never came back. Truth is, our community deserves better. Better resources we can trust to protect ourselves. A good start is talking to our friends and family about getting vaccinated or boosted.

Find out more we can do at covid-resources.org or call 877-904-5097. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. I'm just checking in on you.

Oh, Billy frustrated face today. Oh, the frustration. The goddamn frustration. I tell you right now, there's just not enough hours in the day. You know, do you think they used to say that during caveman days? Yeah, it's just not enough hours during the day.

Now, we fucking slaughtered that prehistoric fucking piece of meat. Now we can just sit around and just eat this for the next few days. Keep your head on a swivel, make sure no saber-toothed tiger comes around. Good, good. What's the problem?

It's not how it works nowadays. I'll tell you right now, that's just eight hours. I've been trying to get to the fucking gym this week. Just has not been working out because my car got a flat tire. And then I had to get the flat tire fucking, the tire got all fucking, I don't know what happened. I need a front end alignment.

Oh, Jesus, we opened the hood. It turns out, I don't know if there was some sort of rodent in there, but it ate up some of your fucking wires. Jesus Christ. Who knew? Who knew there was so many problems? You know what, I'll tell you this, a goddamn cat.

I don't know who owns it. Who knows who owns the fucking cat, right? Those fucking things, those whores, all over the neighborhood. Figured there was a nice goddamn cat around, right? The smell of the thing would scare off the rats and the fucking mice, you know? But I don't know what happened.

I went back East for 10 days. I come back, one of them decided to crawl up into my, if that's even what happened, I don't know what happened. But all I know is they were supposed to take it over there. They're supposed to put a new tire on the fucking rim. They're supposed to put the rim back on the car and I was supposed to be on my way. And next thing you know, you know,

it's like you go in for a sore throat. Next thing you know, they tell you, you got to ask cancer. So that's what happened with the car. So I'm still waiting for the goddamn thing, you know, which has been inhibiting my ability to get over to the fucking gym. And you know, like a fucking pig on my vacation, the first three days I got my 10,000 steps in

and then the last fucking six days I got my 10,000 calories in. And you know, I don't give a fuck what kind of math mind you have, but you know, I did not end up on the right side of the scale. All right? Am I upset with myself?

Yes. Do I wish I made some different decisions on my vacation? Of course I do. Do I regret it? No, I don't. I don't. It was fucking delicious. Every goddamn calorie of it, I absolutely loved it.

So, Oh, Billy, big britches. I had a big day yesterday. Soloed, you know, through the helicopter all by my lonesome. Had a great time. Went through five different fucking air spaces, landed at a busy airport.

There was fucking four planes in front of me. The guy turned do fucking East zero nine zero. You got it. You motherfucker, right? I landed that bitch. I went all the way back. I had such a good time. Totally relaxed.

I was ahead of the aircraft the entire fucking time. So one time frequency change, I didn't have it in the standby. It was not a big deal. It was not a big deal. It was very hazy out. And which believe it or not, when there's a lot of haze out there,

it's easier to see other traffic that's up there. Makes no sense, right? Traffic that's close to you. Obviously far off in the distance, you can't see it, but anything that's going to be in close, you can see it, that nice gray background. They stick out like a sore thumb. I suppose to a bunch of trees and houses and pools

and different colored shit becomes more difficult to see. But I really, I just had a great time. Went up there, did a nice, slow, relaxed pre-flight, cleaned it up, you know, blades were a little dirty. Cleaned those up, made sure everything was great. Gassed the thing up, right? Brought it out there. Had a nice lift off, you know?

Nice and controlled. Wasn't worried about the four wheeler. And off I went. Off I went. Didn't fuck up any of my radio calls. And I gotta tell you, Matt, you know, I don't know why they're just constantly doing these real estate shows.

At least in LA, it's always in, you know, the Hollywood Hills, those big, stupid, open floor plan houses. It's an open floor plan. Just feel like you're in this giant library. Oh my God, then you can't get away from anybody. Honey, how can you ignore your wife when there's no walls? Honey, I know you can hear me.

I can see the side of your head. Stop pretending you're asleep. Your eyes were open when I first yelled it. What, what do you want? Well, first of all, why didn't you, I can't hear you, you're too far away. Well, there's no reason to yell it. Yes it is.

Yes it is. You wanted 25,000 square feet of fucking open space. That made, this was your idea. Don't say that. All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, all right, but you wanted to keep upgrading. I was fine with the Garrison Colonial in Worcester, Massachusetts, but not you.

Oh, we gotta go out to the Hills of Beverly. Now he's doing these shows about these fucking Beverly Hills, stupid ass fucking hell. They all look the exact fucking same, by the way. There's two so's, two refrigerators, two ball washers. There's always two of everything. I don't know, what kind of fucking parties are fucking these super rich people throwing

that they need like one of those Viking stoves that has a stove and then a little stove? A little stove, by the way, I love the little stove. Isn't it fucking adorable? I have a stove like that, it doesn't fucking work. Came with the house. I like the burner, it goes. It lights and it just keeps going.

The whole time you're making a fucking Friday. I don't give a shit. I had somebody come over here some fucking weekend warrior tear up the fucking front of it, go to fix it. It worked for a while, but now it's back to doing it, right? Just sitting there, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. I feel whenever it's happening,

I always picture for some reason an unshaven Jack Lemon in like 1960 with pajamas and a bathrobe on and a slipper as I'm making it, unshaven. Cigarette hanging out of his mouth, tick, tick, tick, tick, you know, just that Joe Sixpack fucking guy that he used to play. But anyways, you have a stove with a little stove

next to it, and then you have another one. See, you have four stoves. Like these parties must be, I mean, these fucking rich people can eat. You know what's the guys eating, right? All their trophy wives are on some fucking lettuce diet. I'm on the lettuce diet, you just eat lettuce, but I can have as much as I want.

No, I don't get sad because I figure what happy feels like, but thank you for asking. Wait, did I have dreams? I was out flying over, you know, Pasadena, El Monte, Bracket Airport, all the way out there, you cannot fucking believe some of the houses up along the Suncrabial Mountains and even other ones where there's just like

a little hill or something like. Fucking these giant pools. These people are living the life out there. I bet they paid one fucking 10th of that poor bastard who does not have a wall to hide behind. Oh, nothing says divorce like an open floor plan. I mean, you cannot get away at your fucking kids. Dad, dad!

You know what I would do if I had one of those big stupid houses, as much as I love my family, you know, you got to get away at some point, right? I would have one of those, you know those shotgun bed? You ever seen that thing? It's fucking hilarious. There's like a headboard, right? It's brilliant if you live by yourself

or if you kind of want to accidentally shoot your wife in the head. Every time I saw it, like the guy, like you reach back and the headboard flips around and a shotgun comes down into your hand. Now, every time I saw it, the shotgun was pointed at the person, the business end of the gun is pointed at the person next to you.

It's like, why wouldn't you have that pointed, voice is cracking, why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you have that pointed to the outside? But anyway, I do love that this, I mean, that's the shotgun bed is the shit. I'm sorry. If you live in the fucking middle of nowhere or maybe you've pissed off the wrong people,

I mean, you know, the gun under the pillow, who knows? Man, I accidentally blow your fucking head off. But what if you have a dream, a vivid dream of being on vacation and you're stretching out at the beach? What are the odds of that? I think the shotgun bed, you know what I would turn it into? Cause I have tenitis, I would have tetanus,

however you say it, I would turn it into the paint gun bed. And I don't care what anybody is coming through the fucking door with, if I got a paint gun and I'm just blasting you in the face with paintballs, you're getting the fuck out of there. You just are. You're gonna go to another, what are you gonna do? You're gonna commit a double murder

and then walk down the street with paint on your face. You got paint in your face. This caper is over. The fuck out of here. You got a wilted up fucking face. I would have permanent paint in there too, except there's such a thing. You know what, a tattoo gun, that's what you want.

You reach back and you just fucking blast and fucking ink into somebody's face. You know what it should be too, is the way it should blast and it should blast your address. Do you know why we brought you in? Yeah, because of the tattooed address on my forehead. Dude, a tattooed gun. That's just aimed right at your fucking bedroom door.

Anybody who comes in there, no matter what they do, they have your fucking address and the time. More importantly, the fucking time. So that way they go, you know, he's a practical joker. I went over there for lunch and he set it up and it accidentally went off. I've been meaning to, I've been trying to save the money up for tattoo removal.

Anyway, I love those people that have like gun arsenals and all of that shit and all of this home security. You know what's hilarious is you keep it for 10 years, right? And nobody breaks in and then you gotta get it upgraded. And after I would think two times of doing that and all the money you spent and no axe murderer having the decency to come walking through your front door

so you can take out your fucking, you know, so-and-so over under whatever the fuck you call that over. I always liked that over under, I got it over under. Shotgun, got it over under. I mean, you can face in on the balls all at the same time. I'll blast your tank to your forehead. Try it, right? Mossberg over under, you got the side by side,

got the over under, I got the over end on side by side. They should make a fucking, they should make one side by side and over under. Like the sign of the cross was shotgun blasts. Four fucking, you could sell that in a minute, in a minute. Put a red Trump hat on it, you could retire off that. It's a side by side, over under, over under side by side. It's any way you want it.

Single blow up both your shoulders, your forehead and your fucking balls. Clean off! Be looking like some fucking pulled pork is what it's going to look like with a fucking belt hanging off of it. I don't know a pig could wear jeans, I ain't no pig. That's the dumb fuck who walked through

my goddamn bedroom door last night. How the fuck you do that? Well, I had one of them over under side by side when I had, I never heard of that. You never heard of that? That's the fucking, you know, the late night thing when they do the, there's always that thing when they do the, there's always the dumb person

that doesn't get it. Wait a minute, you're telling me this takes four shells? It takes four shells, over under side by side. Well, how does it work? I'll tell you what, bitch, walk through the fucking dressing room door. Anyway. It's gotta be sad.

Like how much is Ted Nugent hoping that somebody someday walks on his fucking property and it's just never happened. He's never had to shoot somebody. He's getting up there in his years. He must, I wonder if he cries some nights, you know, talking to his guns, padge all these years, you know. I always thought I could use you, shoot somebody's kid.

I came over the fence to get that tennis ball. All right, well, I'm gonna do some standup tonight. Uh, I got some gigs this weekend. I can't stop doing that accent. I'm going down to, I got a gig in Hollywood this weekend. Hollywood, California, Hollywood, Florida, baby. Hollywood, Florida. I'm going right into the belly of the beast.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna get to find out if this COVID is real or not. Out where I live, they think it's real. Out there, they think it's fake. Well, they don't think it's a big deal. I'm gonna go out there and I'm gonna see. Ho, what is, ho, what? I'm like, a lot of you, I'm flying in,

I'm going to my room, I'm getting room service. I'm coming downstairs, I'm doing both fucking gigs. I'm going back to the room and I'm getting the fuck out of there. All right, those Floridians, they're too tough for me. All right, I ain't playing that game. I'm gonna get a rapid test before I go back into my house. If not, they'll have me tied to the back of the house.

Like old Yeller when he was going mad. You know, there's a story kids don't have anymore. Remember when our dog got rabies and dad made me go out and shoot it? Is there any wonder where those people beat their kids with a belt? Now what do we do? I had to put my dog down.

I know, that's so sad. Did you feel, did you feel sad? That's so bad, you had to put your dogs down. So bad, you felt sad. There's all these support groups. Back in the day as an eight year old, you had to shoot your own fucking dog after it got, after it saved your ass

from a rabid fucking raccoon, right? It fucking saved you from one of the environments, right? Then you had to go out and pay it back by what? Putting it out of its fucking misery. Oh Yeller, got there, blow its fucking head off. And then you had to bury the dog. Come inside with the sniffles, quit your crying. Quit your crying off fucking tie you

that scarecrow you little fucking sissy boy. You had to deal with that. Going to school jealous of the kids that could afford shoes. You're sitting there with your fucking dirty feet. I heard he had to shoot his dog last night. Everybody tease you. Johnny's got a dog. So fucking rough time.

You know what I mean? You think about how those people grew up and then you look at what half the people are bitching about on fucking social media. At a proud day as a father, my son was at the park and he's playing with some other babies. And one of the kids took a toy from him and my kid gave him a smack.

And I gotta tell you, it did not surprise me in the least. Did not surprise anybody in my family that that's what he did. All right? We just, yeah, he's got a minute. You know, if I take him away from something, he doesn't like it. He gets mad, throws his back back,

like arches his back as I'm holding on to him, going, you can't buddy, I'm sorry, you're gonna get hurt. And then it's like he skip, remember a high five and then you had the 10, the double high five. That's what he does to my face. He rears back and just slaps me on my bald head. And I try not to laugh. I'm like, buddy, you can't hit people like that.

But inside as a father, I like that instinct. I'm gonna get him some baby wife beaters. Whatever you're supposed to call them now, tank tops. I love how you can't say wife beater anymore. I thought that was giving ladies their heads up. Sweetheart, he's wearing a wife beater. What are you doing? Go meet yourself a nice guy with a dress shirt on.

What are you saying? Only guys with tank tops beat women? Yes. Generally speaking, oh, I'm kidding. Here's something, here's the thing I do wanna talk about. People who have Camaros and Mustangs, can you please take off those loud exhausts? You're not fooling anybody.

We all know it's not that fast a car. Ah, coming down the fucking street. I can still see you. Where you going? I'm not saying that Chevy and Ford don't make a fast Ford or a fast Camaro. It's just not the one you're driving. That's stupid.

I got a fast car. Exhaust. If I was running shit, you would not be allowed to have a loud exhaust unless what you were driving was fast. Cause I'm getting fucking, I'm getting a little sick of that. You know, with my sensitive ears there. I don't mind something fucking loud.

All right, that's fast. Fast and loud. That'd be a good idea for a TV show, wouldn't it? Shout out to Richard Rollins. It's just when somebody has a fucking piece of shit and they just have these loud fucking exhausts. And I've noticed that, you know, there's some lower level challengers,

Camaros and Mustangs that are as guilty of that as some of those Hondas, you know, that have like that high, that fucking, whatever the hell that is, somebody sipping out of a straw sound as they go down the fucking street. With your sideways muffler. Oh God, I love being old bitching

about stupid shit like this. My daughter already went back to school. I was so fucking bummed out. It's just nothing better than your kid on summer vacation. If you're a standup comedian and your kid's on summer vacation, like it's like, it's like you guys, you're in the same universe.

It's like, you don't have to shit to do all day either. Do you? Let's hang out. Let's have some fucking grilled cheese sandwiches. Let's make some waffles. I cannot wait for her first vacation. I'm gonna start lining up my vacations with her vacation. When she's on, I'm on.

When she's off, I'm off. That's how I, that's how I'm gonna work it. I'm not doing standup weekends anymore. I'm working during the week. Okay. Hey, I'm doing a different way. All right? I don't know what to tell you.

Red Sox are doing all right. Working their way through the bottom feeders of the league. How are we doing here? Oh, we got, oh, Jesus. Not too well tonight. This fucking kid, man. He's already out of breath. It's the second inning.

He's had nothing but base runners. It's still zero to zero playing the twins. We won the first game last night. We won two out of three of the range. Just one of them got postponed. There we go. Field is choice. Field is choice.

I love it. There's one out, runners at the corners. Okay. Double play is still existing. Let's get a ground ball to short. Jesus Christ. Who's that guy? A Gordon on the twins.

Can somebody give that dude a sandwich? My God. I don't think that guy weighs 130 pounds. Can you stop body-shaming African-Americans on the Minnesota twins? When is it gonna stop? It's Roman, everybody. You know, most guys have different ways to last longer.

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I was thinking to myself, I don't have anything to talk about. What in God's name am I going to talk about next thing you know? So you know, I'm talking about redneck selling shotguns on fucking late night TV. You know what band? I always bring up Killing Joke, right? Death and Resurrection show.

And I knew that they had been around in the 80s. And I finally went back and I started listening to music. What a fucking great band. There was so much great music in the 80s that I missed. It's really, it's really ridiculous. Killing Joke, that song, living in the 80s, literally making fun of the 80s as they were happening, as they were happening.

You know, that's pretty fucking impressive. As far as the way that they show the 80s, like everybody had big hair and was doing blow, you know, and just having a great fucking time. You know, it's really weird how they do that. And then they make the 90s, like all the white kids were all sad and depressed and had no direction, reality bites.

Remember all that shit? Feeling Minnesota, I'm feeling Minnesota. I like that line. Let's call the movie that. I've never even seen that movie. But you remember they captured, they, all that grunge shit. You guys know, I never, I never fucking, I never related to that.

It was funny was I was in a walking depression throughout all of the 90s. And I remember looking at people like, what are they so upset about? You know, you just put on a doc to feel good. You'll feel, not the Aretha Franklin version, the Vince Neil Motley crew version. That's what I was listening to that shit.

Maybe that's why I didn't, I didn't get into grunge. You know, I didn't get into grunge the same reason why I didn't try mushrooms forever. It's just, I knew it wasn't going to go well. It's like, I don't need, I need people that are happier than me. I need people to lift me up. I don't want people to be like, yeah, you think that's bad?

I'm shooting heroin under a bridge. Ah, Jesus Christ, just when I thought the day couldn't get any more rainy or in gray. You know? That's why I just stuck with that other shit. In the basement, knock the old man down. Talk dirty to me. Winning and you, winning and you, winning and you.

I mean, just, there was no thinking involved. Huey Lewis. I'll tell you, you know who ruined all of that music? Was that American psycho music? Music, I mean, that movie. That made everybody seem like there was some fucking, you know, guy going through the motions,

who was actually killing people. I don't know, we saw the fucking movie. I listen to all that shit, working in a fucking warehouse. Phil Collins was on, every third song was a Phil Collins song. If it wasn't a Phil Collins song, it was a Genesis song. You know, and then there was one summer where all he did was play that band, The Outfield. I remember that in the warehouse.

That guy with that ridiculously high voice. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. A little bit of everything. I just wanna use your love. It's high. Fucking playing softballs on the softball team for the warehouse, drinking wine coolers. Full head of flaming red hair.

What was stopping me? Everything. Anyway, I know at some point I'm gonna get some advertising. I don't have to read here. So anyway, yeah, my kid went back to school. I lost my buddy for the day. Sucks.

Wow, this is what it's gonna feel like someday when she fucking moves out. You know, I got, you know, guys my age, they're already past that shit. They got like fucking grandkids. I started to goddamn late, but they all talk about that the day the kid moves out. I think that's when you know you have a douche for a kid.

Or you just suck as a parent. If you're counting down the days your kid turns 18. Oh God, 18 more months in that motherfucker. I mean, how many strings? Is it okay if I go live at school? Absolutely, Junior. Get the fuck outta here. That would be pretty wow.

But what if you just had a douche for a kid? Some people, you know, let me just see if being a douche is like, is that something you become or can you just be born a douche? All right, let's look this up. I know this is a stupid question. Is being a douche genetic? Oh my God, I can actually fucking,

it says being a jerk genetic. Being a jerk could be in your genes. You gotta be fucking kidding me. This article's 10 years old. How did I find this? What's hilarious is they have a picture of an old woman, you know, shaking her fist. They're like, well,

why are you gonna go after the old ladies here? Oh God, could they have more fucking ads popping up here? I don't wanna buy anything. My wallet is in the house. I'm in the fucking garage here. All right, according to a US study, a new US study, people with a certain gene trait are known be kinder than people without it.

All right, right there. This is bullshit. NationalPost.com, right? You can't even get the first sentence right without a typo. According to a new US study, people with a certain gene trait are known be kinder than people without it and strangers

can quickly tell the difference. We were interested if our genes can predict what complete strangers think of us from as little as 20 seconds from seeing us. All right, am I going insane or are there words missing from these sentences? Oh, said Alexander, A-L-E-K-S-A-N-D-R. Okay, this is second language.

All right, hang on a second. Lead writer of the study and a post-doctoral fellow at the University of Toronto. In the last 10 years, there has been this emerging work that suggests that oxytoxin, a chemical messenger in our brain, is involved making us kind to one another, making us empathetic, making us more trustworthy.

Oxytocin, toxin, is something called the love hormone because it's often manifest during sex and promotes bonding, empathy, and other pro-social behaviors. Oh, God, everything from cooking sites where they have recipes to like literally this shit, can you just get to what the fuck I asked? Okay, scientists in Oregon State,

one member tells us in most cases, the observers were able to tell which of the listeners had the kindness gene and which ones did not. This is not what I asked. People who have GG are generally judged as more empathetic. Okay, the non-verbal trust, those with AG or AA gene types tend to say they feel less positive overall.

However, Kogan said our gene trait doesn't necessarily determine how kind you are. It's stressing more research needs to be done. Yeah, yeah, what a bunch of bullshit that was. What a fucking waste of time. See if there's anything else like the arsehole gene. Arsehole, as the Brits say. Oh, arseholes, or as the Brits say, arseholes.

The philosopher, Aaron, I don't give a shit. You know what? One of the worst things about learning is it involves reading. I think that's why I'm gonna remain dumb for the rest of my life. I just don't have the fucking stamina. Get to the fucking point.

I swear to God, did they get paid by the word? Is that what the fuck it is? Bill, don't blame your laziness, your ADD, and whatever else you got going on on people writing articles on the internet. All right, fair enough. All right, people, that's the podcast. I hope you enjoyed this.

I was just checking in on you. Let me, I wanna hear from the gun people out there. They have gun people out there. I wanna hear from the Nugent fans out there. I wanna know if I got a fucking paint gun. All right, and I feel like I gotta be less accurate. You know, aren't those paint balls like as big as like a fucking, I don't know, kumquat?

Aren't those things as big as a tumor? At a tumor the size of a kumquat. Yeah, I just gotta just fucking blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, blam, right? And all you guys who go down to the fucking, you know, shooting those paper cutouts of people, I love how they're always people, you know what I mean? It always has the same fucking haircut.

Do you think they traced a certain person to make that? That'd be crazy. That'd be crazy. Imagine if you were actually like, you know, what's his face is the logo for the NBA? What if that's, you're like the fucking practice shooting a person in the head paper fucking logo. You're the silhouette of that.

And one day you walk down the street to some fucking gun nut. He just sees it and just thought of instinct. You know, he goes for his fucking ankle gun, unloads a clip in your fucking head. As you're floating above your body, watching you take your last breaths, you're like, I knew it would come to that.

And the saddest thing was I got no residuals. It was a buyout. Gun people. I know you go to the range, you know what I mean? I know you probably killed your first wife, buried her under a fucking well that you dug yourself and put a potted plant on the top of it. Just waiting for that day, somebody comes in, you know,

you're behind in the payments of your house, can't sell the house, man. You got a body on that property. There was just a way to move that body right before we close. How will I get the smell up? I need to rent a pickup. So all you guys who go to the fucking gun range,

all right, and all you guys are great with your guns and everything. Okay, two questions. Have you ever been shot at while trying to hit a target? All right. I just eliminated 90% of gun owners. Now I'm just talking to veterans

and not all veterans, veterans who saw action. I want a veteran that saw action, that hit targets while being shot at or a cop. I want you guys to give me your honest opinion on my paint gun theory. All right. Because if my ears ring any louder, I don't want to fucking be here anyway,

so I don't care if the person shoots me. So I need to have a fucking, I need a paint gun because it's quiet. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click. The only thing I'll hear is the screaming of the person. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Because that is the thing that I don't understand about owning a fucking gun.

Um. Like the great, let's say something positive about Florida. The great thing is silencers are legal. So, if you have a gun by the side of your nightstand there and you have a silencer on it already, so then when somebody's coming up the stairs, you're just like, this is great, this is perfect. I don't have to put in earplugs,

I don't have to worry about doing permanent damage to my hearing. I'm not going to wake up my neighbors. Hell, I probably won't wake up half my kids down the hall. You can just sit there, you know, like you're picking the remote up to change the channel on the TV and you just click, click, click, click over.

I wonder if I could get a waiver. I'm getting this gun for home protection, but I have like ringing in my ears. Could I get a silencer? But it's like really bad. All right, I'm just babbling. Okay, everybody, enjoy your weekend. Go Red Sox, NFL football,

what, ba, ba, ba, boo, doo, doo, doo, doo. College football, ho, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. The second half of MotoGP and F1 is happening right now. Right now, tennis, U.S. Open. That's got to be going on right now or coming up or something. And old Freckles is going to Florida. I'm going down there.

I'll take that, Oxy, I'll take that meth. You keep that vaccination away from me, motherfucker. My body, my choice. I'm going to have fun with those fuckers. I'm really looking forward to getting down there. That is it, that is all. Go fuck yourselves, have a great weekend, and I'll talk to you later.

Enjoy the music and the bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday. Monday, Monday, Monday. God. What is so pressing, you can't untrust me anyway. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August 26th, 2013.

What do you say there? Fuck those. How are you? How's it going? Holy shit. Where did the summer go? You know, I always make fun of that. I always make fun of people who go,

oh my God, can you believe it's already August? I worked my ass off this summer, so the summer did fly by. I can't believe it. I didn't get to lay out or anything. I didn't get to tan myself up. I didn't get to red myself up at all. You know, did you guys lay out there,

get a little skin cancer? I am finally, I'm finally back in Los Angeles. After spending a month in New Orleans, I had a great fucking time down there. Ended it on a great note. You know, I settled my differences with the city. I finally said, you know what, you win.

I'm gonna have some of your fried fucking food. And I ended up going, I went bow fishing out in the bayou. A fucking bow and arrow, right? I got myself a six pack of Bud Talls. This is America. A few people overseas right now. For you people over there, I don't know what we did to you.

I don't know what we're doing to you right now. What we're gonna do to you in the future that's gonna make you fucking passively aggressive, aggressively attack the great game of American football. You know, cause you won't get to the real core of the issue that you don't like our foreign policy. And by our, I mean me, cause I sit in on those meetings.

I'm making the calls, you know? And all you fucking cunts over there who, every week, every week I'm getting these fucking emails of people still acting like NFL football players aren't tough compared to rugby because they wear helmets. Do you realize how fucking dumb that is? That's like saying, well, you know, so basically if you're in a car,

you can drive it into a tree and you won't get hurt cause you're in a car. Is that what you're telling me? Huh? With all your portly fucking white guys waddling around out there, putting shoulders into chests? Okay? It's not what we're talking about here.

We're not talking about a bunch of pasty fucking white dudes running around who can't even run a fucking five second 40. That's not what we're talking about at all. All right? We're talking about a game that is played at a size and speed that is not seen. Overseas. It just isn't.

You know why? Cause you're not big enough. You're not fast enough. And you know why that is? Cause you never went to a country that was bigger and stronger and forced them to come over here and do all the hard shit. See?

What you guys did was you fucking went to where they lived and you tried to fucking build a castle over there. Stupid, stupid fucking move and what happened? You lost all of it. So what do you do now? Do you own up to it? And just say, you know what? America's better at pressing the world right now

than we are. Now, you don't man up and say that. You send me cunty fucking emails about a goddamn game. I've told you from the very beginning, rugby plays are the toughest sons of bitches. You know, the tough, you know, great fucking game. I really enjoy it. Okay?

Well, let's not pretend that if Leon let right now rolled off the fucking couch and decide to run down the fucking pitch and some short shorts that, you know, those guys wouldn't be falling over on their backs. They would. I'm sorry. It's bigger, it's stronger. It's faster.

Hence, you know, and then you put a helmet on, now you got a weapon. That's all it is. It protects your skull, but your fucking brain's going, what, inside of that fucking thing. The next thing you know, you're on the roof of your house when you're 40 years old, shooting at mall cops. That's what happens to our retired players.

What do you guys do? Huh? Fucking get your ears fixed. Finally get that wedgie taken out of your ass. I don't know what you do. When you retire as a rugby player. I'm sorry, people. I'm a little grumpy right now.

All right. I finished my acting gig. My big song and dance number down there. I'd like to thank Mike Binder for giving me a shot on that thing. And the second I was done, I ended up going up to Boston before I came home because I had a gig at the, the MGM, the MGM casino there in Connecticut.

Not in Las Vegas. I played the one in Connecticut, which is like going to the University of Miami, Ohio. Now I'm kidding. It was a great gig. And I want to thank everybody who showed up and everything. And I was in a fucking grumpy mood when I came out on that one.

I started shitting on Paul Verzia. I was going off on the traffic. I just, I just, I just really needed to go home and have a fudgical, you know, some comforts. I don't know what the fuck I needed. I'm still all wound up. Ah, fuck. Where the hell did this fucking year go?

I got to tell you this. I lost my shit. I know I started to tell someone, oh, bow fishing, I'll get back to that. Remind me. Remind me to get back to the bow fishing thing. I forgot what the fuck I was just going to talk about. Oh, the traffic.

My fucking brain moves in a straight line. A very slow, but it fucking line, but it is a straight line. If I miss the exit, it just keeps going and I can't, I can't turn around. Um, see, it made me fucking forget the traffic. I lost my shit like three fucking times when I was up in Boston. All right.

I fucking hate that city now. I love it. I love the sports teams, but I hate that fucking city because you land in it and the first thing you go, you drive into is that big dig, which is the biggest fucking scam. I ever perpetrated when it comes to fucking transportation. Jesus, I talked my way out of that one, didn't I?

I didn't know where to go with that. How the fuck do you shit on a highway? These fucking assholes, they just took everything, they put it on the ground, they made it all one lane. Everything's fucking one lane. I don't know if they're anticipating some, some plague or something.

I don't know what, but that thing, like, this should just be like Model T's. Oh God, driving around that fucking thing. They didn't add any lanes. Every time I go in there, the whole fucking thing shut down. They got the Ted Williams tunnel. You know what they should have outside?

They had Ted, Ted Williams tunnel. They should have his head upside down on a tuna can, you know, like made out of concrete and tribute to, and then tell his family that we're gonna fucking leave that up there until you give that man the proper burial that he fucking deserves. So anyways, you go into fucking Teddy ball game tunnel and there is enough room for like five fucking lanes

and there's only two and then there's this, I don't know what, this bike lane for the obese. What is the fucking, it's never open and then the other one always has cones on it. Sorry, I've gone there like three times this fucking year and no matter what time I drive in there, there's fucking traffic because of that shit. Oh, I'm in a mood.

I am in a mood, people, I admit it. And here's another thing. I'm driving down to my gig, going down to the fucking MGM thing there. MGM Miami, Ohio gig that I had and I'm fucking 230 on a Friday afternoon. Should be wide open, bumper to bumper fucking traffic. You know, bumper to bumper fucking traffic.

And I got to the point, I literally wanted to roll down the window and just ask the guy next to me, just be like, where the fuck are you going? Don't you have a job? Are you also a comedian? You know, do you work the fucking night shift? Please tell me you're actually driving to your job

and you're not just out here to be out here. I fucking come back from the MGM thing. I get myself four fucking hours to get up to Logan airport. No, three hours to get up to fucking Logan airport. So I'd have a two hour fucking window to get to my goddamn plane. And I ended up getting a bumper to bumper traffic.

The second I get near the South Shore Plaza. Bumper to fucking bumper traffic. It's like 1230 in the afternoon on a Saturday. You know, where the fuck, those fucking idiots sat in traffic Monday through Friday. Are they, do they like sitting in traffic? It actually made me look up to population. I was like, is the population exploding in this country?

Cause I didn't think it was, we were doing that bad. I started doing the road hardcore around 97, 98. We had about 267 million people. We'll just say 268, okay? Before I get some county email from somebody who works from the census. And now we're up to 313.9. So we'll call that 314.

All right, so what's that? Oh, Jesus, he's gonna do some math here. That's 32 million plus 14 million. That's 46 million people. Spread out over 50 states. I don't fucking know if that's the problem or what, but I'll tell you, they're all out on the highway. It's almost worth being president.

You know, just sitting on to sit in fucking traffic. It's almost worth just becoming an absolute yes man and signing off on shit, like spying on American people, being able to put American citizens in jail indefinitely without a fucking trial, just cause you think they're a fucking terrorist. It's almost worth doing that.

You know, just so you don't have to sit in the traffic. Maybe I'll just get like a helicopter license. I'll get one of those little two-seater ones, you know? Basically the smart car of air travel. Bibby bibby bibby bibby bibby bibby bibby bibby bibby bibby. There's a lot of fucking things out there that you can land on, structures. And what are people gonna do

if you land on their roof and just rappel down? What are they gonna call a tow truck? Hey, you can't leave it, hey, I just did. We'll be back in 20 minutes. You don't even know who the fuck to call about this. What are you gonna call, cops? You got to stand in with your hands on your hips. That is a helicopter, you know?

Well, fucking keep it, I don't give a shit, I'll get another one. All right, cost me 400 bucks, look at it. I don't know, sorry, this is just all, this is what being away from your shit for a month does to you. And then you come home and you have a mountain of junk mail. You know what I realize in my mail,

nobody sends me anything nice. I don't get one fucking, hey, just thinking about, I guess that's emails now. You know, back in the day when somebody would just, because you couldn't call them, they'd have some fucking jerk off, ride a pony with you, god damn, they didn't ride a pony, you rode a horse.

Why did they call it the pony express? I would tell you guys, when I was a kid, I thought a pony was a little horse, and eventually it grew into a horse. So these fucking people down the street had a pony, and it was ridiculous. They had it tied up to the back of their house. I didn't think they had a fence.

Fucking, maybe they had a little bit of a fence, but this thing just stood there. We'd drive and buy the thing for years, and I finally looked over at my mother, I'm just like, I'm like, when is that pony gonna turn into a horse? She just sort of looked at me, you know? I didn't realize that look when I was a kid, but I realize it now, where she just was like,

she was literally looking at me like, who did I mate with, that that came out of me and just asked me that. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh shit, anyways. So I want to thank everybody who came out to the MGM in Connecticut, wherever the hell I was, it was fucking beautiful out there.

That's the one thing I do like, and the one thing I really do miss about living out here in LA is, I miss all those trees and the lakes. I love that shit, you know? Maybe one of those douchebags that fucking sells this house here in the city and just goes out and gets a ranch,

can't even fucking change a light bulb by the whole outfit, you know? Big stupid cowboy hat and some chaps getting in and out of my Prius, you know? No, I can drive my old truck, that's what I do. And before I went in town to get provisions, I just roll around in the dirt to make it look like I was actually out doing something.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Christ, anyways, oh, you know what? Let's bang out, let's bang out a little fucking, oh shit, no, no, no, you know what? I started talking about the bow fishing, let's finish it, so my last night there, I get invited out to go bow fishing, and I was just like, yeah, I'll fucking do that.

Shoot fish with the bow and arrow. I don't know how to do that, but I would like to know how to do it. Why not, right? So we fucking go out there, it's like a group of four. And we meet these guys at a gas station, you gotta get a fishing license and all this shit. And you know, I got a six pack of Budweiser,

I mean, you're getting on a boat, I mean, you have to. Where I'm from, you have to do that. If you're getting on a boat, you have to have a six pack or something, and you gotta drink it or else you're an asshole. So I got it, and one of the guys is like, dude, you're gonna have a weapon. He's like, yeah, well, I'm not gonna be pointing it at you

or me pointing it at the fish. Let's try to make this a little sporting here. You know? It's not like I'm taking a stick like Tom Hanks in that fucking movie where he talked to the soccer ball, cast away. Well said, right? Dude, we went out on this fan boat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all the way out in the fucking bayou. It was terrifying. It was fucking, the second we got out there was because we did it at night. It was a full moon, it was the shit. You know, I kept thinking of, you know, that movie Southern Comfort with Powers Booth.

That's what I thought about. And I felt good that I was thinking about that and not deliverance, because I feel like that's hacky at this point. You know? One fat, pasty dude gets banged in the ass in the woods and nobody can remember Southern Comfort after that. It's fucking ridiculous.

I think it's high time that stops. All right, so anyways, it was amazing. Basically, when you bow fish, I don't know, I don't even know what to begin this shit. The guy had like a flashlight, one of these born in the bayou guys, and he'd go right there, right there, right there, right there. He'd also do the bone arrows.

Trying to shoot some fish that was just fucking chilling out. And basically what you do is you shoot, wherever the fish looks like it is, you shoot like five inches below it, because it's an illusion, man, because of the water. So it took a little bit of time to get used to that. So what I did was I started aiming at all these small fish. Just bringing the bow up,

because I realized I was just shooting, I wasn't aiming. I was just kind of shooting in the general direction I kept missing, so I was practicing on the little fish. I didn't shoot at them, I would just bring it up just to get the muscle memory. And I did all right, I hit three in about three hours. I averaged like one an hour. It was a lot of looking for, I'm not gonna lie to you.

So I wasn't that bad, but I missed a lot. But I got three, including one. We fucking pulled this thing in, and it had an alligator face in the back, looked like an eel, it was called an alligator gar. The thing looked beyond evil, looked like a fucking dinosaur. And we got in the boat and they're like,

all right, watch out, watch your feet, don't let it bite you, don't let it bite you, and all that shit. And everybody's like, dude, you gotta get a picture with that. You got blood on your face, it looks fucking awesome, everybody's saying all this shit, you know? I gotta tell you, you tap into that inner fucking cave, man. Cause when I went out there,

I immediately had this sinking feeling like I can't go back to fucking the village without bringing home something to eat. That's still in me. And the village was my fucking hotel room where I have room service, it was fucking stupid. But I literally felt that. I don't wanna be the guy that doesn't fucking get something.

So anyways, it's now I'm feeling like a fucking man cause I killed this goddamn thing. And I don't know, so I'm like, all right, so what do we do here? You know, we killed a bunch of fish and I asked the guy, I go, can you guys are gonna, you know, clean these things? You put the fucking meat on ice or some shit and ship it to me.

And the guy's just like, yeah, no, no. So then I was like, well, what the fuck? We're just out here killing shit. And it just kind of bugged me. Oh no, what's going on here? How come I'm not getting any readings here? I think it's recording. What the fuck is going on with my mixer?

Oh, is it just saying it's really loud? What is this? What is this? Come on, come on, talk to me, talk to me. What's wrong with my mixer? Ah, Jesus Christ. Now I gotta shut this off. I'm gonna splice this together.

You're not gonna notice, but I gotta make sure I'm recording here. Hang on. All right, so it was recording. And what the fuck's going on with the mixer? What did I do? What did I do to it? Oh, it gives a shit.

So anyways, so at that point I was like, all right, well, I killed three of these things. The other two that I shot, they were fucking beautiful, really thick. And I was like, you know, if I'm gonna kill these things, I wanna fucking eat it. I just wanna be putting holes in shit.

But anyways, I guess that alligator guard thing can survive out of the water for a couple of hours. So we were able to put that one back or they said they were going to. So I don't know. That's the only part I didn't like. Other than that, it was fucking great. And yeah, it felt like it was in like a Mad Max movie.

Thoroughly enjoy it. Just next time I do it, I don't wanna kill like one, you know, or kill like two or three and then fucking clean them. Take it and fucking eat it for the week. Does that make sense? I'll tell you what, maybe it felt bad was I went home and I looked up the alligator guard

and I was looking, waiting for it to be out. The most vicious fucking alligator eel. This side of the fucking Mississippi, yada, yada, it was just like, yeah, it's kind of, it's very docile. If it sees you, it's shy and swims away. I was like, oh man, I shot a fucking nerd, an ugly nerd fish with an arrow. And I judged it because of its face.

Like it was evil, you know? I don't know. The people I went with, they also hunt wild pigs. That's something else I could shoot. I could shoot a fucking pig. Dear, I couldn't do that. Who's kidding who, if I was starving, I could do it. You know, I shoot a fucking cat if I was hungry, hungry enough.

There's anything I learned from reading that fucking book, Fly Boys. And no, that's not about a boy band. You know, what's up, Brooklyn? We are Fly Boys. Sorry, I saw the VMAs were on tonight. What's the deal with VMAs? I know a lot of people say this,

but doesn't MTV have a lot of fucking balls? They don't show videos, but they still have their video music awards. You know, I know that's completely hacky, but like, I actually saw some of the videos. I'm like, these are fucking great videos. I wish they would show them. Where can I see these?

How do I know this music is out? Where do I go now? Can anybody help me? Well, can you? All right, let's do a little bit of advertising here for this week, everybody. All right, Dala Shave Club, everybody. Dala, there are so many things in the world

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Go to evoist.com and use the promo code bill, B-I-L-L. That's evoist promo code bill, or just go to the podcast page at billbird.com and click on that evoist banner, goddamn you. All right, back to the podcast. Yeah, so there you go, you can add that to my list of skills. All right, I can bow fish hunt.

Provided somebody shows up with the bow and the arrow and has the boat. That's not bad, right? That's a good skill to have. When the dollar collapses and I'm out here in the desert with no lakes. Well, I can modify it then. You know, what the fuck could I shoot?

What can you shoot that's not a fish, but it's like a fish and it's out of the water? I know, a toddler. There you go. And you know what? I wouldn't be killing more than I was gonna eat. I'd only take one. Bill, why are you talking about cannibalisms?

Cause I just read an amazing book called Fly Boys. Jesus Christ, what a book. What a fucking book that was. It's unreal. Everybody has done horrific things around the planet. Like right now how we're sitting there given the powers that be shit over there in Syria. Damascus, whatever the fuck it is

for possibly using chemical weapons. I don't know. Some of the shit we've done, we got a lot of fucking nerve. Is this thing recording? What is with my goddamn electronics this week? I don't know. You know what, Bill?

Stop blaming the technology. Why don't you man up? Yeah, you gotta read this book. It's really just balanced. And it just shows the fucking horrific shit that basically the Americans did and the Japanese did to each other. And then also the unbelievable heroic stuff that they did.

It's the whole goddamn thing. Every color of the rainbow, I don't know how to talk about it without fucking ruining the book. Um, I don't know. It just, I can tell you one fucking story. He's kidding who, douchebag's not gonna read it. You listen to this podcast, there's no way you'll read.

I'll tell you one quick story, all right? This will probably take two minutes if you want to fucking fast forward. They're going into bomb this goddamn island shaped like a horseshoe, right? And the thing is, is what they're bombing, all right? He's right in the, you know what a horseshoe looks like, right? Sure, we all do.

We all have a fucking crazy uncle that has a horse, don't you? Or a pony. All right, the bottom of the horseshoe, not the two ends where the luck runs out if you hang it upside down, right there. Like you're going around the corner, right? Right down there.

What part of the horseshoe is that called? You know what's funny? People who do crossword puzzles know what that part of the horseshoe is called. Anyways, that part down there. Like if you pour water into it, where would gather? We got it, Bill. That's where the fucking radio station was.

And they had to basically fly right into it. All right, but on the sides, that's where the mountains were. They were actually above where the airplanes were. The mountains on the sides were so high up. And these guys had to come in so low that the anti-aircraft fire was coming down on them. These guys had to have the fucking balls,

20 years old, 19, 20 years old to fly in there and just be like, well, they're not gonna get me. The other guy's gonna get it. And no one full well that if they got caught, they were gonna get fucking tortured and they basically told them to keep one in the chamber and just fucking blow your brains out. Cause if these guys catch you after the shit you've done,

you know, cause once airplanes got involved, I guess way more civilians started to get killed. I know that sounds obvious, but like I never really thought about that. I thought back in the day, like the Revolutionary Wars, I mean, I thought people just, you know, just indiscriminately raped and pillaged and went all the way around.

I guess you could. But you had to be a man about it, you know? You had to kick open the door, you know, kill a couple of males and then tackle somebody in a house coat, you know, all kinds of scratches to your face. I mean, yeah, you fucking got, you got dirty. You got dirty back in the day.

But all of a sudden the advent of the aerial, aerial type playing there, right? Does this sound as dumb as it sounds to me out loud? They fucking, you could just fly over, you know? You're trying to hit a warehouse, you hit a house, you blow up a couple of babies and stupidly fucking hated these pilots. They thought they were cowards,

they thought they were devils. And so they didn't want to get caught or whatever. So this fucking guy is flying in, anti-aircraft, fire comes in, the flak, that's what they call it, flak. That's what I call, my boss would give me shit for not unloading a truck quick enough. That's what I called flak at 20 years of age. These guys had such big balls,

that's what they call people trying to shoot down the fucking airplane they were in. So it's basically like softball-sized holes that going through this guy's fucking wings and he loses it and he goes into a spin. So he tells the two guys in the back that they gotta bail out. So he's gotta do this move where he brings up

like the fucking flap on the right wing and then something with the rudder he goes. It basically causes the plane to kind of go sideways and it gives these guys a chance to open the door in the back because if they couldn't, the air pressure would like hold it tight. So the guy's doing this move as the front of his plane is on fire and the flames are lapping at his feet.

He's doing this maneuver so his buddies can get out. And it works, both his buddies jump out and now the fucking plane, it's almost gonna hit the goddamn water. It's in a flat spin. This guy takes off his seatbelt, he's still fighting it. You take the seatbelt off, that's the last thing you're getting out and at the last second he catches it.

And he comes out of the span and goes up and then he looks back seeing his two buddies fucking landing in the water and they're gonna swim and get taken prisoner by the Japanese. And the guy was completely, you couldn't, unconsolable, landed on the aircraft carrier. It was just balling. Just all he could say over and over again

was I took my seatbelt off, meaning I was gonna bail out, it was just fucking out. I butchered that story. Just imagine someone who can actually write, telling you that story. It's a fucking unbelievable book. It'll make you a better person when you read it. And Jesus Christ.

I think I'm gonna read a whole bunch of books on the World War II now. And like the part of the war, I want to say specifically the Pacific Ocean. I just don't feel those words go together well. Particularly the Pacific Ocean part of it, because all that shit, Okinawa, Iwo Jima, I don't know where any of that shit was.

They had a map and everything. You know, dummy like me actually was, it was really, if it's gonna be a book like that where they show the dirt on both sides, that's the kind of shit that I like. Just fire-bombing cities. It's just fucking unreal, you know? You basically on both sides in a war,

it's you got war criminals. And then whoever wins gets to prosecute the other one, going, how could you be such a piece of shit? And everybody kind of did the same shit. That's what I was saying, the bow and arrows with the babies. Basically when shit goes down, like babies die. It's unavoidable. Does this make any sense? Is this fucking horrific?

I'm like 300 pages down this fucking road and you guys haven't read the book yet. So you're probably looking at me like I'm a maniac. Why the fuck is it so hot in here? Anyways, hopefully I'm able to get this podcast up on time. You know, last week I recorded it on time and there was something going on with the goddamn recording. Wow, who's kidding you?

You know what that something was, it was me. So I actually recorded it on Sunday. It still couldn't get it up until fucking Monday afternoon. I'm the worst. All right, what have we talked about? Oh yeah, so I started reading up on all this stuff about the war with the Japanese and shit. And I didn't realize, you know, there was like three guys,

three Japanese soldiers that didn't surrender until 1974. One of them wasn't aware that the war wasn't over. We'll call him Bill. That's some shit I would have done. The other two guys knew the war was over, but they were like, I'm not fucking standing down until the fucking grandpa tells me to, because that's what I was told when I was,

they just were like, Dudley do rights. These fucking maniacs stayed in the woods for an extra 30 years in their uniform. Their guns still worked. They still had ammunition. Well, of course you did. The fucking war is over. And every once in a while,

they'd run into some local fisherman and they'd take shots at him. Local fisherman was just like, come on, man. Let it go, man, it's over. They would drop leaflets in there when they were reading them and they thought it was a trick. Oh my God, just sitting out there fucking eating squirrels

for 30 goddamn years. You know, best friends, like, well, they were fucking, what would you be friends with out there? I don't know, I'll give you the link to that shit before I just butcher it anymore. If anybody else knows any really good books about World War II, words really balanced, because I read a few, I read this one that was great.

I read The Rapinand King a long time ago. I read this Hiroshima diary about this guy who was in that city when the bomb hit. I read another one. I like those first part like people who were there. I read one time about this Jewish kid who was on the run with his dad. It's a classic too, I forget what the fuck it was called.

I'm such an idiot. But at one point he was kinda looking at his dad and he was just like, just die already, because he was, I don't know, was slowing him down or something. He had his guilt about that. She was fucking unreal. Actually, it's kinda depressing when you think about it,

but that was two kips of shit. Hey, I got all caught up in Breaking Bad. I didn't have AMC in my hotel, so I came here and just binge watched all the fucking three of them. Jesus Christ. Is that the greatest fucking show ever? I don't wanna over-hype it, but it's fucking insane.

I'm not gonna talk about, I shouldn't, I should have said right out of the back that I'm not gonna say anything that happens in them. But I didn't think anything was gonna beat the wire. I guess I put them on par because the wire, just the size of the subject and how many different angles they hit it from. But as far as keeping your stomach

in absolute fucking knots, I don't know if I ever saw a show like this one, man. It's kinda funny, because I always have like quick little scenes in them, and that's all they would ever give me is just like the little scene, so I don't know what's going on, which is kinda perfect,

because my character doesn't need to know, doesn't need to know what is going on, and wouldn't know, right? Saul would just call me up and say, hey, just fucking do this, and I'd be like, all right. So, I always end up watching the episodes, and I'm like, oh, that's what the fuck that was for. That happened this week.

All right, so anyways, hey, how about the Red Sox, huh? Coming out to LA, beating the fucking Dodgers. I would've loved to go into a game down there and not wore any Red Sox shit, because fucking LA fans are such fucking psychopaths. Well, maybe they actually, maybe they wouldn't have beaten me

because I wasn't there with my children. Fuckin' pieces of shit. Good God, almighty. You know, I don't know what the fuck, I don't know what happened out here. I don't get it. I don't get why that extra level, that gangbanger vibe is out here.

There's gangs every fucking city. Are these like, in LA, are these the only, or Southern California, as you say, because I felt that vibe at a charges game too. Like, is this like the only part of the country where gangbangers are into sports too? You know, you think you get some hard looks

at a fucking next game, you don't. Everybody's there having a good time. I don't understand it. They could have something to do with neck tattoos. Why don't you get the neck tattoo? I tell you what's fucked up, when I was in New Orleans, I saw two guys with face tattoos

and I couldn't believe how unshocking they were at this point. I've seen so many people with face tattoos at this point. This guy literally had one right in the middle of his forehead and it wasn't a good one. You know? Jesus Christ, I thought I was dedicated to being a comedian or whatever.

You put a tattoo on your face, I mean that, you've limited yourself to, I get either working in a tattoo parlor or doing just illegal shit. Right? That's kind of a good way, you know, if you ever think that you don't, you don't have the balls to stop following the herd,

just get a nice, you know what, don't do it, don't, don't do it. I don't want to suggest that you get a fucking face tattoo. Please don't do that, can you please not do that? Did I mention I was at the University of Cincinnati last night, Saturday night, by the time you get this, it'll be two nights ago. I want to thank everybody for having me out there.

What a fucking beautiful school that is. Absolutely gorgeous, man. I love those, those, they have like the perfect size football stadium and it's like built down in it, so you, into the campus, you know, so you come walking by and it's really open, like you can just walk right into it. Had that same vibe, like when I went down to Florida State,

I like the students can like, you know, run the stairs if they want to. I love that shit. Hey, when you go to those places and they got the stadiums like all locked up, I was surprised when I went to Boise, you know, and I was trying to look at the blue turf. I saw a little bit of it that the whole stadium

was just locked up like that. I figured Boise is a cool place, right? What are you worried about? The meth heads coming in, stealing the aluminum benches. Is that what it is? It probably is, I don't know. Oh, by the way, I want to thank Rolling Stone Magazine for putting me on the cover this month.

It finally happened for me. That was a big moment in my career. I'll definitely have a link. I know a lot of people don't read magazines at this point, so it's not a big deal, but it's a big deal to me finally being on the cover of Rolling Stone. Actually, I have no idea who that kid is, but it fucking freaked me out when I saw it.

All right, what am I talking about here? What do I got here? What am I gonna go do the, let's read a fucking, let's read one of these things here. Why don't we do that? Why don't we read a little fucking letter? Full moon, Mr. Burr. You mentioned something about the full moon

in last week's podcast, and how it causes strange behavior. I worked in an emergency room for three to five years, and when I started working there, I thought the theory was bullshit. He actually said, bull, I don't wanna make this guy sound crass, he goes, I now know, I now know it to be true. Every month during the week of the full moon,

we get a surge of patients, other than the plethora of fatties that clog our department. He's spelled it pluthora. We get weirdos. Example, a one-legged schizophrenic man with a suitcase of knives and a butane torch. I don't even know why.

Other than the weirdos, though, we have a lot of really sick patients coming. There are more strokes, heart attacks, and other serious health-related issues. I've recently heard a theory on why this is from another healthcare professional. Well, thank God you went in this direction, buddy, because I thought for half a fucking second

you were gonna put this in my lap, all right, because I have no clue about any of this shit. All right, what do we got here? He goes, I too take a lot of what I hear as fact. All right, the theory is this. Even our blood has its own tide. Jesus Christ.

Why don't I read up on science? This is like better than any fucking movie. Just the truth. What do you mean it has its own tide? When it goes out, is that when I get lightheaded? Is that what you're talking about? He goes, this may be miniscule. I love that you're spelling all these words wrong

and you fucking work in an emergency room. But the lunar pole on our bloodstream can cause a person with health slash heart problems to be at a higher risk for stroke slash heart attack. It can also cause behavioral changes because of the change in our bodily function, in our body function. Whether this is true or not,

I cannot deny three and a half years of dealing with hell every week, the full moon appears. Thanks for the free entertainment in the labs. So that's really interesting. So like, if that's true, so when there's a full moon, that's like when society's like menstruating. That's our once a month.

Like everybody just acts like a fucking maniac. A one-legged schizophrenic with a suitcase full of knives and a butane torch. Jesus Christ, doesn't that sound, that sounds like, what the fuck was that movie Mickey Rourke was in that? Looked like a cartoon, but it wasn't. Jessica Alba had the chaps on.

She was a stripper, but she still looked like you could have her as a girlfriend. And then there was that guy with the yellow head and the red eyes. For some reason, remind me of the guy who played Beretta. Do you know I saw him when I was out here? I saw Robert Blake. That's a hell of a thing running into a guy

who fucking killed somebody. Or did he get off? I don't know, he fucking did it. Jesus Christ, you going to a spaghetti Freddy's? You know, you go to take a piss and all of a sudden your girlfriend's shot in the head and nobody saw anything. And you found her, come on.

Come on Beretta, for reals, come on. All right, Wisconsin's A-Rod. Yo, Billy Redface, love the podcast and I would love to paint another picture of the A-Rod story. All right, my version is with Ryan Braun. I live in Wisconsin where Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers are basically a gift from God.

I am a Chicago Bears fan, so I think basically, so I think they're all cunts. Sorry, I'm really reading worse than usual. All right, Braun, who also got popped for PEDs, had opened two restaurants with Aaron Rodgers called the 8-12, oh, 8-12 MVP Bar and Grill since they were both named MVP in their respective sports and I'm gathering that his number is eight.

Is he a baseball player? I don't watch baseball. When the news broke about Braun getting suspended, Wisconsin was enraged. Not so much that he was cheating or being the bad image to kids or whatever. These parents who want to blame others for their kid's lack of lust or athletic skills,

but because he lied to Aaron Rodgers. That's fucking awesome. The Wisconsin has some great sports fans and I love the fact that their fan base owns a part of the team. I love the fuck that works. Even though none of them are allowed in the board meeting, it's probably just by name only

and someday they'll realize how bad they got fleeced. Anyways, in the past month or so, when it came to the news reporting this story, local NBC, ABC, Fox and CBS affiliates, within 10 seconds into the story, they talk about lying to Aaron Rodgers. When interviewing fans about it, all they talk about is I can't believe he would lie to us

and even lie to Aaron. Like everyone knows each other on a personal level. People need to quit talking, taking professional sports too seriously and taking it personally. Especially when they are multimillionaires lying to other multimillionaires. Google search some of this to get a laugh

at how brainwashed sports fans of my state are. Come to a show in Milwaukee during the football season to see for yourself. I've been up there, it's fucking great. Thanks to go fuck yourself. Well, look, I mean, how did he lie to Aaron? Think they got in business together. You know, it's not like he got on their football team.

And then he said, well, you know, I'd like you to join the Packers as long as you're steroid free. They opened a business together. I don't give a fuck what you do. Just don't steal from the register. That would be more lying to Aaron Rodgers, right? Or do you think he actually sat down and said,

well, listen, I have a great image. You know, last thing I needed to be doing is hitching my wagon to some guy who's then gonna be a, you know, you know, fucking hookers and everybody's somebody sticking needle in his ass. I, you know what? I've never opened a business, as you can tell.

I don't know. I don't know how the interview process goes. But I don't, yeah, I don't feel like he lied to Aaron. Maybe they actually came up with this. Maybe this is a good cop, bad cop thing they're doing. Well, this other guy plays the bad guy and then Aaron sits at the bar looking all dejected and the cheese heads walk by and then they come in

and they buy more fucking mozzarella sticks. You know, that could happen, right? I don't fucking know. Who gives a shit? You know what the fucking thing is? And I'm telling you, I'm pulling a Paul Verzi and I said this three years ago. Within 20 years, everybody's gonna be on steroids.

Everybody's gonna be on HGH, okay? We're all gonna be on it. They're gonna fucking get it to the same way weed is gradually becoming legal. That's what's gonna happen with roids, all right? And now also if you smoke weed now, if you have a vaporizer, you're just basically inhaling just the shit

that gets you high, all right? So it's doing way less damage than sitting down, drinking a bunch of Budweiser's like I did on that fanbow out in the fucking bayou. They're gonna do that with roids. Back in the day, you did some fucking roids, right? Your balls shrunk up and you went and you punched a horse in the fucking face.

That's what happened. And now they're way more mellow. Although fucking Jerry Remy's kids snapped. I don't know, Jesus Christ, that's another fucking Boston story. You know, when all these stories came out, all this shit that's happened recently, I was actually thinking, well, you know,

this is the balance. We had such an unbelievable decade, it has to balance it out, you know, with all this horrible shit happening now. And it's like, no, wait a minute, no, it was nothing but horror. So with those championships, that made us even. So now there's some horrible shit coming

these last couple of years. So you know what that means? We're gonna win some more championships coming up. That's how I look at it. Oh, by the way, any San Francisco 49er fans listening to this, how do you feel about old fucking Kaepernick out there fucking on the cover of every magazine,

half naked with his fucking ass in the air, showing off his tattoos and his abs, doing commercials and all that type of shit? You'd think he won the fucking Super Bowl. Have you seen one goddamn commercial with Joe Flacco? Have you? I haven't. As a football fan, I don't like when that shit happens.

I'll tell you right now, once Tom Brady started experimenting with his haircuts and walking around with Uggs, going to fashion shows, I don't know, we have one one sense. Doesn't that sound like some typical moron shit that you'd hear on Sports Talk Radio? The rena, I had when I was in Boston,

was tuned to Sports Talk Radio and I can't fucking listen to it. It's just the, I was, I put it on and they were criticizing big poppy saying he's a selfish player. You know, it's classic Boston fucking morons, sports fans where it's just inevitable they're gonna eat their own.

You mean the guy who fucking helped was one of the main factors in ending that curse, the 86 year curse of the babe, all of that fucking horse shit. That guy should be able to shit in the street for the rest of his fucking life. Not even 10 years later, you're already saying that the guy's selfish.

Shame on you, Boston Sports Talk Radio. Shame on you. All right, let's get back to the podcast here. Sorry guys. So I'm actually predicting, you guys might have a little bit of a hangover there in San Francisco. Your coach is putting on weight, right?

Filling out those dockers more and more every week, trying to will his people to win. Actually, I think Kaepernick's gonna do great, but I always get nervous with quarterbacks who run around like that. Eventually those linebackers, they get sick of that shit and they get an open shot at you

and they, you know, you're bleeding into your lung. Advice for a skinny guy. All right, here we go. Hey there, Billy boy. First time, long time. Thanks for all the last, there, no worries, all right. It's great that you're helping out those who are overweight by shaming them, is that what you're saying?

I've helped out a couple. I've probably had other people have their face in a bucket of KFC right now. But if I may, I'd like to ask for advice for a guy who's a little on the thin side of the spectrum. I'm tall, six foot seven and weigh around 155, 160 pounds. Dude, I can't fucking help you. You're six, seven, I weighed 155 in high school

and I swear to God, I look like I was gonna get blown down the street. Jesus Christ, dude. Even though I eat quite a bit and eat regularly, I even also have protein slash meal supplement drinks in between. Dude, don't fucking drink those things. I don't know shit about them, but don't drink those things.

That fucking powder thing that comes into that, that breaking bad fucking oil drum. Don't, don't do that, dude. All those supplements and all that type of shit, don't fucking do that. All right. Just accept who you are. We all wanna look a little bit better, all right?

Believe me, trust me on this one, you're gonna fill out. All right, it happens, whether you want it or not. So enjoy the fact that you can kind of eat whatever the fuck you want to. But I, my gut tells me to, I don't fuck around with shit like that. That creatin and that fucking muscle milk stuff and all that shit.

You turn it around the back, you can't even pronounce half the shit that's in it. There's no fucking way that that stuff's good for you. There's no way that that thing's gonna be better for you than sitting down eating a nice grass-fed fucking steak there. Granted, I don't know shit about nutrition, but I'm also not a fucking moron. All right, anyways.

He goes, my siblings are just as tall as I am and they are not thin like me. I'm also 23, is it metabolism? Dude, I'm not a doctor, I don't know. Will I pass this stage? I don't know. I am somewhat comfortable with myself and I have a smoking girlfriend of five years.

Well, go fuck yourself then, dude, come on. Who loves me for who I am but wouldn't mind a few pounds? Oh, wait a minute, is she bringing it up? Should I binge on pasta? Thanks, Bill, I bought the razors because of you. Well, I hope the razors work out for you. Jesus Christ, dude, with your height, you probably need to order them twice.

No, dude, listen, listen, listen, listen. You gotta be who the fuck you are, all right? Would you ever say to your girl like, hey, you know, I'd like it if you lost a few? You can't, you know, I don't know if she just made one comment and forgot she even said it or she's literally giving you a body image, but I'll tell you, one of the greatest things

you can ever do in life is accept yourself, all right? And I'm not saying like, hey, you know, I'm doing something unhealthy to myself and I accept it. I don't mean that, I mean, like, accept what the fuck you look like and just, you know, just be a good shit and everything falls into place. You don't need to go out there and drink muscle milk and eat fucking angel hair pasta, you know,

set your alarm and get up at three in the morning and go eat that shit. 23 years old, you're supposed to be in good shape, all right? Okay, so you're a little fucking underway. Who gives a fuck? Dude, you know what you built like? You built like Snoop Dogg. He seems to be doing fine, you know?

I would not try to gain any weight. I wouldn't try to lose any weight. I would just keep doing what you're doing, all right? You're a guy, you're six foot seven, you weigh about 160 pounds, you're 23 and you have a smoking hot girlfriend who loves you for who you are. And she made one fucking comment

about putting a few more pounds on five. Just let that go right by you. I won't even worry about that, all right? You're a good man. You look how you're supposed to look, all right? Put that fucking powdered nuclear waste away. I don't know what the fuck that shit does. The kidneys or your liver or whatever, but, you know,

when the ingredients look like the last name of Russian hockey players, you know, or the fucking Swedes, I think the Swedes got the most difficult names. That's a good time to fucking, you know. The only time to eat shit like that is if you're orbiting the earth. Other than that, you know, go to a farmer's market like a goddamn human being.

All right, organizing porn. Bill, on a recent podcast, you complained about the difficulty of searching porn on the road. Did I? I thought I was talking about how I wanted to stop watching porn. I might have said that on a podcast in the past and you just listened to it.

I don't fucking know. But recently I've been trying to cut down on it. I've been trying to watch it only on Sundays. And that's not a slap to the face to whoever created all of this shit. It's just, you know, Sunday's a day of rest. And I like to be totally relaxed if I can open up to you guys a little bit.

I'm sorry, all right. Anyways, he says, as I also have a job that requires me to travel a lot, I know all too well the frustration of unreliable internet connections and the sheer amount of time wasted on searching for the perfect porn video. So let me tell you about a little trick

I recently discovered, paying for porn. I know paying for porn feels counterintuitive, but it's worth it. Here's what you do. Well, the only reason I don't pay for porn is because I don't want my credit card on the porn site. And then if they double swipe it, I don't want to have to call the credit card company

saying that, you know, you jizz.com fucking double swiped my credit card and I'm really upset by it. Or no, even worse, they'd call me up, you know? You know, did you fucking, I don't know, you can't even come up with a good fucking, did you ASP bag 9,000? Did you fucking rent that?

No, did you rent fucking scat bag on the ASP bag returns? Yeah, yeah, I ordered that one. I'm not a, I'm not into scat, everybody. The German kind or the, or like the shit that scat man crothers did. I hate, never tell you how much I hate scat singing. I'll tell you, one of the worst scat singers of all the time would be fucking Frank Sinatra

at the risk of pissing off all the Italian Americans. His scat singing at the end of strangers in the night. Do be, do be, do, do, do be, die, die, die, die, die. Die, die, die, die, die. He sounded like Joe Piscopo doing him before Joe even did it, right? Anyways, let's go back to this shit. So let me tell you what I learned.

A little tricky thing, paying for porn. I know paying for porn feels counterintuitive, but it's worth it. Here's what you do. Find a site that has the kind of content that you're looking for. Make sure that the site allows for downloading and isn't just streaming only.

This is key. Download all your favorite videos to an external hard drive. Ah, Jesus Christ, dude. And then what? The FBI kicks open the fucking door and make sure you cancel your membership before your 30 days is up

or else they'll charge you again. Once you've done all that, you'll have a drive full of high quality porn that you can keep forever and you don't even need an internet connection to watch it. Jesus Christ, this guy might have something figured out here. Between the external hard drive that's $50 to $100 and a one month subscription, 25 to 30,

you're looking at about $80 to $100 initial setup. Dude, that math doesn't work out. You're looking at $75 to $130. All right, you kind of fucking alligator on both ends of it. Whatever, I suck at math. So no, actually, I don't suck at that kind of math. I suck at the kind that, you know,

once you have to learn how to build a bridge, you know, once there was shapes and there was these paragraphs, right? You had to memorize. I even did okay in algebra. If I wasn't such a jerk off, I could have fucking got the C minus and not have to go to summer school,

but that's a whole other fucking thing. Also, I trashed my teacher at a speech impediment. So I used to make fun of him. That was stupid. So when I kind of had a 69, he didn't give me the 70 and he fucked my summer. Anyways, where am I? You're looking at about $80, $100 initial investment,

but think of all the time and frustration you'll save by not having to deal with surfing for porn on the road. It's changed the way I travel. Dude, you sound like you just bought the ultimate like neck pillow. Pillow, how the fuck you say that word? By the way, I fucking hate those things. You gotta hate when you fucking walk around the airport

and those fucking douchebags have those neck pillows already around the neck. I always just want to punch them right in the nose. It's because they already looked like they have that neck brace on. You're fucking lazy, are you? You can't hold your head up when you're walking around. Sorry.

Anyways, Bill, thanks for the free hours of entertainment. They've got me through countless boring flights and cab rides. Well, dude, so now if I download my favorite ones, well, the ones is when I find one that I really like, I always forget the name of it and then I can't find it and then I try to search like these, I try to come up with words that describe what I watched

and it never comes up. Like the search engine on these sites stinks. So maybe that's a reason to do it. And also if I want people to pay for my fucking DVDs, shouldn't I be paying these porn stars? How would I be in a hypocrite? God damn it, I think I've convinced myself through you trying to convince me.

People I think it's high time. How come Lars didn't, Alrick didn't speak out about that? Well, I guess it wasn't happening to them back in the day. Ah, Jesus, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about here. All right, overrated, underrated for the week, everybody. Guys using the term slut to refer to his male friend.

That's overrated. As in what a, as in what up slut? Oh, Jesus, guys say that to each other. That sounds terrible. He said, a kid I hadn't talked to in a while, whom I was supposed to meet up with in New York City, drop this on me. And not only did I tell him I didn't want to hang out,

I told him I wanted to connect my knuckles to his teeth in a way that would send them across Times Square. Ah, yeah, that's bad. What up slut? That doesn't sound, that sounds like something one white frat guy would say to another white frat guy. You know, and then do some bastardized version of some gangster sign, right?

I got, I got a, I have an underrated for you, everybody. Watching reruns of TJ Hooker. TJ Hooker is arguably the worst acting ever on any show that ever happened. Or at the very least, I would put it up there. All right. Well, let's say you had the March madness of worst TV shows.

All right, that anybody ever acted on. TJ Hooker without a doubt would be a number one seed in one of the regions without, they would be like Duke. It's fucking horrific. First of all, what was the episode I saw him and the Armenian dude, or whatever the fuck his name is, who's pretending to be Italian, Romano, they get separated and they're on walkie talkies

and somebody's shooting at TJ Hooker. And Romano is going into, he's calling TJ Hooker. And I don't know why he's not saying TJ. He just, he's just going, Hooker. And then they'd show fucking TJ Hooker with his fucking awful to pay. We're half the show. It doesn't even match his fucking sideburns.

More gunplay, more gunplay. And they cut back to Romano again. And he goes, Hooker. And then fucking Captain Kirk, any chance he gets to fondle and get cheap feels on Heather Locklear? He does it. He rescued her one time and he was literally like caressing her face just for like fucking

the final like 90 seconds of the show was just, just rubbing the side of her face. And he could tell she's like a young actress and she doesn't know how to say in between takes like, hey, do you want to do me a favor and maybe just have your hand on my shoulder just for a second? Yeah, cause I just don't feel like your character

and my character. That's how you talk your way out of somebody doing something weird in a scene. And she doesn't know how to do it. Just imagine them running around in Larry Bird short shorts, cause they do that also. And Captain Kirk is sucking in his fucking stomach. What happened?

Don't, don't, don't, don't listen to this here. Just sit down and watch it if you can find it on your on your cable. I'm telling you, unbelievably underrated. By the way, by the way, my tickets came. My tickets came for fucking Texas A&M Alabama college station. Me, dude, I called it Paul Verzi

and two of my other buddies outside of the business are going to go to the game and we're taking some fucking, I'm doing a couple of gigs. Oh, I had this right. I'm doing El Paso, part of the Billy Red State tour. And then I'm doing San Antonio. I've never, I've never been to either one of those, either one of those states,

either one of those cities in that state. So I feel like at this point, when I perform in those two, I've hit them all, right? I've been to Dallas, Houston, Austin, San Antonio, El Paso. The fuck else is there? I went to a game at the Cotton Bowl, right? I'm going to go see Texas A&M. Who else I got to see?

I got to see Texas Tech. I got to see the Longhorns at some point, but I went to the Red River game. So I saw them, I saw them play Oklahoma. I got to go to, I got to go fucking pig hunting down there. You want to go pig hunting? We'll fucking do it, buddy. We got the biggest fucking pig, pig, pig, pig.

I got it. It's big. We're in Texas. I get it. Yeah, oh yeah. By the way, you know what? Now that I'm done with my fucking, my glee shoot there. No, I told you what it was.

It's called black and white. Comes out next year. I'm not going to bore you with it because it's not going to come out until next year. But when it does, oh, oh, golly gee. I'm going to hopefully get the director, Mike Binder, who's one of my favorite comics when I was growing up. I hope they'll get them on the podcast here.

All right, hang on a second. Let me go to my website here. What's your website, Bill? Oh, it's billbird.com. Thank you for asking. Thank you for being interested. Isn't that sweet of you? All right, here's some of my upcoming shows that I have

because I had to move around the Billy Red State Tour. Oh, would you look at that? All right, Tuesday night, I'm co-headlining. I'm opening for Brian Regan. That's already sold out at Cobb's Comedy Club. All ticket proceeds go to charity, which I don't know. I pitched it to him.

I always wanted to work with him. And I was like, come on, I'll open for you. We'll get shit faced afterwards. And he goes, yeah, we'll get the money to charity. Oh, fuck it, let's do it. So hopefully if this goes well, I don't want to start doing that with some other guys. I'd like to work with, you know?

I'd like to do like, I'd like to work with other fucking headliners that I love and I never get to see because they're always out headlining, right? I'd like to do that with a couple others and just do them and, you know, and then just do shows in the middle of fucking nowhere. All right, so here we go.

September 4th, a rescheduled Billy Red State extravaganza at the Boulder Theater. September 5th, I'm going to the Broncos game. Why not? Opening game of the NFL season. September 6th, I'm at the Pike Peak Center. Colorado Springs, Colorado. That's also a red state rebooking.

And then I got the Spotlight 29 Casino in Coachella, California on September 7th. And I'll read the next week after that. I'm at the Abraham Chavez Theater in El Paso, Texas. That's a red state one. And then, because I'm on my way over to fucking College Station, why not stop at the Lilla Cockrell Theater

in San Antonio, Texas? I hope I said that right. I never been there. I heard it's fucking great. And Paul Verzi will be on both of those. Those Colorado dates in the Spotlight Casino will have Rose Bowl legend and Cook. Jason Lawhead, who's just growing by leaps and bounds.

It's one of my favorite things that I'm watching in the business right now. The fucking guy's hilarious. Try and come out to those shows. That is it. And that's the podcast for this week. I was supposed to mention at the top of the podcast because I know I have some new listeners.

If you like my shit and you'd like to see my new standup special that came out last year, or did it come out this year? Last year came out. You people are all the same. You can download it for five bucks or you can get your very own hard copy DVD version for 20 bucks, delivered right to your fucking house,

whatever the hell you live, whatever country. I don't give a shit. All right. You can do that at billbird.com. Click on the, what is it? The merchandise button. Is that what it is? March, click on March.

That's it. All right. That's the podcast for this week. Have a great week. Don't put that powdery shit in your goddamn drink. All right. Don't do it. Okay.

Go fuck yourselves in tough times.