Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-31-23

Episode Date: August 31, 2023

Bill rambles with Dan Soder about elitist New Yorkers, home renovation shows, and embracing a nuclear fall-out.  

All right, hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burnett. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning Podcast and this is being filmed. So obviously I have a special guest. I don't bring any week cupcake Fucking what's the deal with that people on I only bring people on that I respect and I love and this guy Is no different from I can't even say you left that on the podcast right from from from the east coast. He had he had a project that he was going to promote money. You cannot promote it because of the strike because we are union strong bill. That's right union men. You need to be dan sota everybody. Come on. Dude, thank you so much for having me when they said that you

I like being part of a union. It is great. It makes you, because you know why? Because you and I are similar in the fact that we feel guilty, be making money from being silly. We both have that. No, I just, if you don't have a union, we go back to the 1800s industry revolution, well, they'll have children, which is what they, they're getting, they're getting close.

No, but they already did that. They just, they just went around the unions by leaving the country. Yeah. By leaving the country. And then they just did the shit that they were doing in the 1800s. Yeah, they went like, and they do a put old playbook. And they're like, we can take this right to Mexico. Oh, it's so, dude, it's so fucking evil.

Yeah. It's so evil. And then they pay off the politicians, so they don't say anything. Like, if you take an American company out of America and fuck all those Americans out of jobs, like you should be paying such ridiculous taxes that it's not worth your time. Like just don't want to pay anybody, which is why the robots are coming. It is. It's why. And it's why they could have, they could have brought jobs back and made Ohio and, and Michigan and all those people happy,

but instead they're like, no, let's just feed them 24 hour news and get them real riled up. And then now they're just gonna hate it. Now everyone will hate everybody and we can just keep making our money. I know, but everybody seems to know that, yet they still,

like you know what's been, I've been going on and on and on and on and on and on about is how everything just gets like Politicized like this is stupid fucking post that keeps coming up my feet because I like I look at cars and shit on the internet and it says It said it shows like something you know killer, you know muscle cars It's just before all this electric car bullshit. Yeah, we had muscle cars Like no, we didn't. Muscle cars and everything. Catalina converter, the fucking gas crisis, 73. All of that shit was gone. They ignored

the Mustang too. The Dodge Opel, the Ford Fiesta, the Ford Escort, the Chevy Shavette, the Dodge K cars, all of those shit cars that got, they said 60,000 miles. They were designed to fucking shit the bed. The Spanometer went up to 85 miles an hour. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. There was the Irox Z, the Firebird, and the Grand National. As far as American cars that I can think off the top

of my head, that actually had balls. Yeah. Everything else was just, they neutered it. They neutered it. You know what it is? It's the same thought when they do that with muscle cars where they're like, what America used to be? With muscle cars, it's the same thought when they do that with muscle cars where they're like, What America used to be with muscle cars?

It's the same way when you talk to your friends that are, you know, we're old now But they're like if I was in high school right now, I'd get so much pussy Everything would go good. No, you wouldn't you go right back to that and you'd be like I have homework I have all this shit. I don't like the scene. I'm insecure. Yeah. I got the seniors that I'm scared of They're also acting like we're not in this simultaneously with electric cars that we're not in this ridiculous age of horsepower. With you can buy a fucking hellcat, you can buy these AMGs, fucking BMW M's, these, those outies.

I mean, there's so much power. We're also we're in 2023. Right now we should be having fucking jet packs. The power should be, the power should be in spacesuits No, we should hover boards. No, we should you know things at all You don't the way people for the way people drive you want that over your house. I want I want what you've won And I'm such a major fan of yours. I know I want to thin the herd bill So let's get some let's get some fucking jet packs

I think I think that that's why they're not concerned about global warming me too because I feel like whatever they're gonna do and I don't buy that if you got the jab man No, the the thing that that would kill you why it's like why would they kill the sheep? No We we lined up and did what they said yeah, they want to kill the others so that I love a conspiracy, but that makes no sense Yeah, they're like we got you and you're like I don't think you do I think you want to keep us around. They're, but that makes no sense. Yeah, they're like, we got you. And you're like, I don't think you do, I think you want to keep us around. They're trying to keep the sheep around.

Yeah, why would you? Yeah, they're going to have the ones that are like difficult, the people that are bringing up the difficult problems. Yeah. I think you're right. I think they're just going to wait for the world to cook most of the people they want gone. And then they'll be like, by the way.

They're going to ride it out. Do you think they have the technology? Now here's the real, do you think they're gonna wait for a large amount of people to die and then go like, by the way, we can clean up the amount of carbon dioxide and we can cool the oceans. I have no idea. I don't know if it's just completely sociopath.

Well, I'll be dead before this happens. Let somebody else, like I just think that it is so corrupt and so out of control. It's like, you know, it's like that ball in Indiana Jones. You can't just go, I'll stop right there. Yeah. No, it rolls over you. So I'm excited to see what it's going to look like in the next 20 to 30 years of how they're going to divide it up and be like fight. You know, it's gonna look like in the next 20 to 30 years of how they're gonna divide it up and be like Fight you know, it's gonna be the scene from dark night where they break the stick and they go like I'm higher in one person Oh, I didn't see that movie, but I that sounds pretty scary. You just break a stick and there's you go hiring one person

You know the guy that walks out of this room gets to live. Yeah, I just I don't have that competitive side Maybe all right, just just fucking stab me. I mean, I had a good time. I mean, Mike, my fiancee and I are both agree. I mean, what are you winning at that point? Nothing, I want to be in the blast radius. What, working for those fucking people? I want to be, I want to be the people in Terminator

that, you know, when she's holding onto the fence and she turns into dust, that's me. That's why I live in New York still. Oh. If they drop that bomb, I'm just going to hold my fiance's hand like at the end of fight club and watch all the building. Yeah. I'm not going to fight for survival.

New York fucking drives me up the wall where everybody thinks it's so fucking badass. It's not badass. It isn't. It's a plus stop. Did you just see that? There was another Instagram thing. I got back. I was reading.

I was off Instagram Instagram drives me up the wall. Yeah does it's designed to do that. It's New York guy like New Yorkers Other worse traveled people ever they go every city they were all the fucking building Right so this guy gets a bacon egg and cheese sandwich. I don't know where the fuck the guy went the egg was shaped like a fucking hockey puck And it's all like the guy went the egg was shaped like a fucking hockey puck and it's all that he tried his new York they be like yeah and it's like no no one would they do that in New York yeah there's shit sandwiches and there's shit pizza and people go don't go there that place sucks if you want to go over here yeah we don't fight

you for it had asked somebody where to go the best dude it looked like a egg-mick muffin like I I've lived in I lived in Boston twice some years I never saw bacon egg and cheese look like that. Yeah, and he's all the whole fuck that thing with what that's the whole attitude where they go like not here I remember this group dude they just have too many songs that are blowing them that's it like that Alicia Key song New York concrete jungle weird dreams and the people at all because they can't you know what they should do that song with on the head with the dumb hat to the side flag bill like they're winning you live in an issue box for

like fucking three grand a month that song should have been damn annoying affordable house that you can have a backyard because everything else like my favorite term I've ever heard making for them New Yorkers is Joe List, once called Sam Morel, a city hick. He goes, he's a city hick. The way that hicks don't know how to be in big cities. He doesn't know how to be out in rural America.

They don't know how to do anything outside in New York. They're not like, I wanna go get a sandwich at three in the morning. It's like, well, you can't. It's through the morning. I've never understood like, it's like the whole purpose of traveling is to experience something differently.

And New York is like, I came there and it wasn't exactly like where I left. What the fuck? I dated this girl whose parents were from the Bronx years ago and she couldn't understand that being from Colorado meant that I was from a place that had schools and roads and hospitals. She would always be like, do they have that in Colorado? It's like you burrow trash, of course, they're 100%. And let's let them what is she ever achieved? Nothing.

She was. Other than being born with nothing to is the success of New York. Really for the most part is other people moving there. That's the whole reason the city's great. And it's because we went there most part is other people moving there. That's the whole reason the city's great. It's because we went there. It's because we went there. It's not because you were...

George Steinbrenner was from Cleveland, Ohio. Yeah. You fell out of a pussy in New York, you're not special. A guy from Cleveland, Ohio bought the Yankees. I love it. I love it. Because that feeling of they're like, well, you're not in a real New Yorker. Well, if you, if by the way, you're not sure was bridging

him. He's a fucking Jersey. He's a Jersey. He's Jersey trash. As someone that just moved from Hoboken, we were living there. And there was this restaurant that they were like, this was Frank Sinatra's favorite restaurant. Well, it sucks ass. We got the noodles and it sucks I feel bad for Frank every fucking place let's let that place out that that fucking pizza place up in Connecticut yeah oh Frank Pepa's when they go when Frank used to play MSG he would order his fucking pizza from Connecticut from Hartford yeah he would drive it an hour and a half down to him and he'd be like oh what a

room temperature slice do my favorite thing in the world is watching whenever Joe Piscopo talks about playing Frank Sinatra on SNL. He does this like romantic bullshit thing where he's like, you know, I'd rock in the room and I'd say Frank wouldn't say that. And then I saw on an interview they brought Phil Hartman's, which is the funniest Frank Sinatra. And he goes, I didn't like that. They made Frank mean. You go, Frank was mean.

He was friends with them off you. You can't be nice and be friends with them off you. You're gonna be a fucking prick. And he's like, and dude, I love that. I love that old idea of like, Frank wouldn't do that. You're like, Frank was an old racist. Just cause he let Sammy Davis Jr. stand. Come on man, he was white Michael Jackson

for a whole fucking generation. Oh my God. He can do no wrong for them. It's my favorite, bringing that up that Frank Sinatra was definitely a racist. It's fun. And my second favorite thing is bringing up the fact that Elvis was a racist.

Or was he normal for when he was born? That's because that's the thing. I make fun of people that look at older white guys. Like, can you believe what they're saying? It's like, yeah, when were they born? Yeah. Like what you should see as a white person is yourself. If you were born in 1938

Like this is what you would have sounded like I will walk back the Frank Sinatra thing because he maybe he was like progressive for his time Or he's like I'm friends with a black guy who's Jewish and they're like whoa What is his walk? What are you doing Frank you make it all the boys? I know walk here. Oh, we can't play the N-Wwood poker. That's what we do. I like they can't do that. But the thing that you can't fight is the fact that Elvis Presley was a pedophile and that he married Priscilla when she was 14 years old. He was 20. I think at that point you were a status,

a statutory rapist. 14? Married a 14 year old? I got one for you. All right, bring it. I love this. The fucking the average age of consent in this country is 16. That's insane. I never knew that. I thought most of it was 18. I thought at worst. So Massachusetts is 16.

I couldn't fucking believe that. I could not fucking believe that. Oh my God. And just thinking about some guy going by his house Been like I'd like to take your daughter out. I know she's 16 and I'm 29 She's only 15 and a half and I was wondering if I could have your permission. I was wondering if she's on it in five months and 29 days

She she have a dating permit Did she learning how to date? What the fuck? It is wild. That's like old King shit where they were like, I want a woman about to make children. I thought it was from like back in the day when it seemed like if you worked outside,

you died at 30. So you had to start, where you had black lung by the time you were at 22. There was like nobody around. So it's like, I saw a girl, I'm gonna marry her. And then perverts, as we got older perverts, were like, don't change that law. That's a cool law.

There had to be guys that were like, we're holding onto that. Yeah, and that's another thing that I don't understand, right? Like, as far as like all of this shit that's going on, where they're like picking apart, you know, everything that everybody says, and then meanwhile, there's all of this other stuff like going, why is that all right?

Yeah, Biden smelling a girl's hair up, it gets, everyone's like, this fucking weirdo. I don't know, but that is fucking weird. Well, that foggy-eyed old, yeah. Who was it, was it Putin who kissed the person, boys, belly, I mean, they just fucking, what is- You got, I mean, after the news that's coming out today, that that guy that tried to go against them died in a plane crash you let i think if you're in

russia you let put into whatever you want i think he's like him jung on where he can just walk around to get on a kiss your belly and you're like yeah no you have like he has like that hard attack missed yeah you know you just walk by and he goes yeah he's like uh... no one sees uh... long gone, just like a little problem. Problem cleared up. All right, let me get back on his good side. Hell of a hockey player.

Oh my god. Unbelievable. What did he put up, like 13 goals against the Russian national team? I love that. They're like, he's the, no one can defend. That's the best. I think if you're going to be evil, go all the way. Like American evil seems more like marketing, you know?

Does it? Yeah, well like the way they do evil here is they're like, I know it seems evil, but I'm accomplishing my goals where in Russia they're just like. That's because you're under the media umbrella of their bullshit. Yeah. So, and then over there, I bet a lot of people over there

was like, all right, you know, he's got his moments, but you know, you're just, you're underneath the atmosphere of the information that is... Yeah, what they're feeding us. Yeah, that is coming in. So Jesus... But the truth is always somewhere in the middle. Sure.

So we're not as good as we say, and we're not as bad as other people say. You know, so somewhere in the middle. I don't see a moment where Putin goes like, do you think I should have given that guy plutonium? I'm feeling pretty bad. Like, he doesn't have that moment. I don't think the, they're all the same people.

The ones, the higher ones. Yeah. And I don't think that they're doing that either. Do you think it's bad that we put this person in power so we could steal all the natural resources? You don't think they ever have that? Are they just like, we got business stuff? No, they always just go, you know,

the world is a dirty place and there's no, there's no clean way to get energy. Yeah, so they just have all of those. That's how they mock it up, where they go like, yeah, you need energy. You know what is funny is people who for some reason just hate electric cars and are acting like someone's saying you have to get rid of your gas combustion car.

They're all talking about how the way that they get, you know, whatever natural resources they need for the batteries. And then, ah, there's the filthy and blah, blah, and it's like, well, what the heck? You know what gas is, right? You know what they get in the oil. Yeah.

You know that they find oil and they just take it. That's like there hasn't been 40 wars fought for oil. And then they're like, I don't know about this electric car shit. I don't like electric cars though. I'm like, anytime I've driven oil. I'll be honest with you, they're amazing. They're boring. That's what it, you know what I mean?

Just boring, they're not fun to look at. You know those, those, uh, Rivion, they look kind of interesting. The which ones are those? I, you got to understand. I don't like the light stuff. They look like they're wearing like bifocal. I don't know. Shit about cars.

That's why moving to New York was a safe bet for me. Because it just eliminates that whole conversation. Oh, I got to do is mass transportation. But with electric cars, it feels like a go-kart, like a very powerful go-kart every time a minute. What's funny is my wife has one. Yeah. What's funny is they have both our kids in it with groceries and her in it.

And some guy has a, and you just blow them off the fucking line. I mean, they're, they're insanely fast. Yeah. It's just, do you think that's the way they get the people that hate electric cars is by being like, we'll give you like you were saying with the most. Well, my thing was I looked at it like, all right, you know, all this terrorism and stuff is coming from the Middle East. Sure.

Why do I want to send them my money? Yeah. So I get a Prius thinking, okay, I'm going to get this car and I'm doing my little part to not use as much, but then, you know, the battery thing comes around and then you just see it's just gonna be the same game to get the electric things and it's just like, that whole thing that there's no clean way to get it

is a lie. What it is. No, what it is is the people that are running shit are so fucking greedy that they can't give anybody like their fair share. They want to keep all of it. That's why it's like that way. Not because it's a confusing but, but it isn't. It's the same game. It's the game that's going on in a business right now with their acting like, you know, there's no money and I like a guy, guy, guy, guy, guy. As you just bought

your third fucking mansion. Yeah. They don't want to pay anybody and it's that disease of every year you got to earn more. Yeah. So it's Bob Iger going, this is not a good time for the strength. After he signs a contractor, he gets 26 million a year and he's like, this is really hurting business. I like at the end of the year, I've done my job so good that I've decided I'm giving myself a bonus.

It's like, you're literally just stealing. Back in the day, the mob would skim. Yeah. That's what they're doing. But they call it a bonus and it's totally legal. Well, what's even crazier is they have the balls now to get a bonus and they go, I am going to pay myself like a lockdown corner in the NFL.

I'm going to give my say. Dude, there was a guy that, that, that true TV guy. That guy gave himself like a hundred and fifty million bucks. Hilarious. And the, and the fucking, he getting for a hundred for the blue jays channel is yeah he's not he's got a practical joker's making all their money and then he's like yeah you know what now give me that fucking a rod deal bob bobby bonilla they're gonna all bobby bonilla paychecks for just going like this yeah have

the have the guy that does street magic prank those kids no that's not what they do they go okay with's three people doing that, fire two of them and now you have to do all three of those jobs. I just saved this company money. Yeah, give me it all of it. Yeah, give me all of it. And then their kids grow up and they go,

like, my dad really did a good job. I wonder what those childrens. Oh, that's what I like is it's totally legal. I find all of this stuff overwhelming and depressing and my reaction to it. The only thing that survive a mode is I've made my life really small. Even like an LA.

I just like, I live like in this much of LA. I just sit on my back porch. I stare at the trees. Yeah. I'm just like, well, it's not on fire, you know? Well, you've always been one of those guys. The water's not rising up. There's no robot at my door like I just

This is a good day robots are far away. This is a good day. Yeah, the My land has not been breached by any enemies. Yes, do you ever dream of that about just walking completely away and buying a compound in like New Zealand? I never have that in like New Zealand. You ever have that? No, I don't like a compound. I don't want to be that guy. No, it's that take the word. You don't happen to compound.

A ranch. Compounds eventually get overrun. Yeah, it's Jurassic Park. Eventually the fences break down. Oh, Waco, Texas. It's like the compound thing. No one's ever made it work. Do you ever have the fantasy of just going away?

Of like, you know, the helicopter coming down on the property and you've got a big orange beard, you know, under like Bill, we need you for 15 minutes of hilariousness. And I don't do that anymore. No, I actually, no, I like being an old guy. Yeah. And I like talking to younger comics and helping them try to avoid

Shit that happened to me. I really enjoy That I like going to a diner getting a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper. I like being an old fuck. I it's fun I will say the only one sucks if you're old is if you're trying to be young If you just are old it's easy. It's the best. I just turned 40 and I'm loving everything about it. I'm loving not being crazy and secure about everything, worrying about everything and then just being like, as is who I am. But I would say you led the roadmap for a lot of comics to be like, be honest.

How do I fall, genders? Yeah, but just how do I stay funny and also like not get, because I think a lot of older guys get so disconnected from comedy that you see them do stand up funny and also like not get, because I think a lot of older guys get so disconnected from comedy that you see them do stand up and you're like, oh, they're not around me. No, but I learned that by, you know, the guys that were in front of me, Rich Voss, ahead of him was, you know, say a Dom Irair, Chris Rock. I noticed that the guys that never stopped coming around, it's like you need to be around younger comics

so you stay contemporary. But what you don't do is try to be young, like look at younger comics, how are they dressing? Yeah. I'm obviously not doing that. Yeah. That's right. I'm having my picture taken in second grade shirt. I fucking love this shirt.

Yeah, but that's also that's also a big part about growing older and comedy is staying authentic because I think that's part of it when you see the guys try to dress young or talk about shit that young crowd will like you if you be old. Yeah. If you tell them like, you know, like they don't want to hear you coming up to their music. Yeah. Come on stage to whatever the fuck they love. I would love the idea. No, it's immediately like, oh no. Yeah. Please tell me this is a character. Yeah.

And you're like, what's up with Tinder? And you're like, you're not even on the app. Do you know when you're on Tinder? And it's just like, oh. I was on my Instagram the other day. And I think I'm gonna throw up. I think I'm gonna throw it is. I do love Instagram.

I mean, I still like Facebook. Oh man, that is the oldest shit I've heard you say in this entire Facebook. Facebook for me, I think it's ruined from my generation because we watched it scramble our parents' brains when they got on there. Oh, because my mom would send me info where she's like, can you believe this? And you're like, did you click the link and see what it was from? And she's like, no. Oh yeah. And then you're like, just watching your mom get fooled. You're like, oh, I can't fucking do this. She's like, no. Oh yeah. And then you're like, just watching your mom get fooled. You're like, I can't fucking do this.

She's like, they said that they're doing this. You're like, mom, if you click the link, you can tell it's not a real media outlet. And she's like, oh, I thought it. Why do people do things like that? It's exactly always the thing. Why do they got to trick me? But that's such a, you know something

that's such a great question from a good person. By the way, why do they have to trick me? But that's such a, you know something that's such a great question from a good person. By the way, why do they have to do that? I know it'll happen to me. I know when I'm 70, if I make it that long, and they have AI shit out there, and all this like, robot, I'll be like, did you see they brought back Ronald Reagan and the big grandpa, he's been dead for 50 years, and I'm like,

but he's back! I saw him on the news, and I'm like, that's AI. Like, there was something when I was a kid called cryogenics. Do they unfreeze Walt Disney? How do you know they didn't unfree? I need to see proof. Open up his back. I want to see the power strip.

My grandma's 96 and there's nothing I respect more than her being like, I'm like, Nanna, what about email and stuff? She's like, get the fuck out of here. Call me. I'll read the newspaper. I'll watch the news. She has no new media. I don't read an email until somebody texts me

and says I, I look, I'll show you my phone. I have like 100,000 unchecked emails and it has not affected my life at all. It does, that's the thing. If someone texts you or calls you Yeah, that's when you get like oh shit. I mean 100,000. I mean it's like Santa Claus level a fucking male Like why do I have all of this fucking male? Yeah, that's so fucking funny the idea that someone's been emailing Bill, being like, I just, I don't know what I did to him,

because you know how we take everything personally now with all those technology where you're like, I email Bill, God never wrote me bad. And then you're sitting here and you're going, 100,000, I got a kid asking for a bike from fucking two years ago. No, I'll tell you this, if, like texting, it like, the only thing that makes people text you

is you texting them. If you stop texting people within three days, other than your close friends and family, everybody just, because you, once you go down the screen, more than two of these, it's like you passed away. I'll tell you this right now, I would even say that with phone calls.

Do you have those friends that you call and if you don't keep calling them, they don't call you? I got rid of all of those people in my life. And then you know, it's funny, they feel like victims. That's just like, dude, like I just did to you what you're doing to me.

I'm holding up. I'm holding up. I'm holding up. I'm not gonna name names, but people you know. I'm not gonna name it now. Yeah, but there are people that I've like been like, it's weird because if I always call him, I don't feel like.

They're called narcissists. One good friend recently,'ve been like, it's weird, because if I always call him, I don't feel like. They're called narcissists. One good friend recently, I was like, I'm gonna see how, just as like kind of like a tongue in cheek, like, let me see how long it goes, and then it started to bum me out. As the weeks went by, I was like, this fucker hasn't called me. Yeah, it was.

And then it's just been months. It was, it was nothing. And now you're like, and now I'm like, I have to talk about it with Katie, I have to be like, hey, am I getting fired up for no reason? And she's like, I would let it go. And I'm like, I just, I felt like he was gonna call me by.

Dude, I had a friend, I called him, I called him 90% of the time. And like, I felt like 85% of the time he didn't pick up the phone. Yeah. And then when the rare time when he would call me, and you would always, the thing would always say, oh, what, you can't pick up the phone.

It's just like this. Yeah, you're like, what the fuck? My favorite, oh, what? You can't pick up the phone. It's just like this. It's like, what the fuck? My favorite story is this. My favorite old school story was that Patrice would always invite Colin Quinn to his cookouts and Colin would always say no. And then Patrice stopped calling them and then Colin got upset and was like, what the fuck?

You don't invite me to your cookouts and he was like, yeah, you don't come. He's like, I still wanna be invited. I still call me and you're like, I understand that thing so much. We're like, yeah, I want you to fucking call me. I want to be in the mess. I'm the opposite.

Yeah, you're like, leave me the fuck alone. That, you know, I'm not like anti-social, but like, I just, I don't want to do anything anymore. Oh, I think you've done, I think that's the goal. No, I do my stand up and I hang out with my kids. There's nothing better than, you know, I go swimming almost every day with my kids. It's the easiest. It's the pool is the greatest thing you could ever have to be interactive. Like everybody's smiling. You're buoyant. You're just happy. And you're in the position where you get the toss on yeah throw around

You give them you give them a ride you're getting a work out of this you could easily take a handful of change and throw it And be like go get that and they're like read the best day ever with that 100% that was my favorite thing I said to my daughter. I got you have a good summer and she said yeah I go how many times did we go swim in the summer she goes every day? That's the best because you know I She goes every day. I was like, yes. That's the best, because, you know, I, uh, now that I'm 40, I'm coming out of that whole, like, stay on the road. If it's Monday, go do a set.

You gotta work a new joke. And now I'm like, oh, I wanna spend Monday through Wednesday just hanging out with my fiance and my dog. Yeah, and watch how it been, and it's good for your act. And then I go on stage and I'm like, ah, this happened. And then you're like, oh.

Oh, I have a life. Yeah. Which I've been doing comedy 19 years. I would probably say for like eight, 17 of them. I was just like, every night, got to get on stage. And now, like, what's up with airport to hotels? And then I'm like, you guys ever fucking not selling out of tickets you thought you were going to sell?

And they're like, how is this a bit? And then you're like, oh, yeah, it's inside. It's two inside baseball. I'm talking about my life. Yeah, and now I'm getting older and I'm like, hey, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at one in the morning give me tits and other guys are going, yeah, me too.

All right, this is fun. I'm glad we're bonding on some shit. When do you think we'll be able to promote our projects that neither one of us can talk about? Do you, I kept hearing that the beginning of September. I've heard, if you want, the worst news I've heard is January. Okay. I've heard that studios are prepared to go to January

to fucking starve on them. I know, I know, I fucking let them. Let them, and then you know what? Is like, I don't know. I just got fucked them. Yeah, there really is the fuck them attitude because you see how they're acting in your life. Because why are they gonna get better?

No, they're not gonna be nicer. The greatest thing is they can hold out with money that they've stolen from the people that are on strike. Yeah, all the money they've kept, they're like, well, I got a yacht rented through October. I don't need to do anything. You guys can't afford your fucking rent.

I'll just go to Greece. Yeah, he's like, I would love to, you know what, I'm gonna follow around a European league soccer team. I'm just gonna go around. Are you picketed? I haven't picketed yet. I felt the pole.

I picketed and I sent a truck and I gotta go again. I sent a food truck. That's nice. That wasn't my idea. Because the day I picketed, they said this truck came from Snoop Dogg. I'm like, that guy just fucking knows how to live life? Yeah.

But it's all someone did it. He was just rolling a blunt and they're like, someone was in his ear like the president. Like, Snoop, I don't buy it. Snoop, we're gonna send tacos and he was like this. I'll show. And he's went back to rolling a blunt. I don't think he's like, they're like, you know what the thing is?

No, he started a whole football league for kids and paid for all the uniforms. Really? Yeah, guys, you know, guys is a real reason a real anytime a celebrity does something anytime a celebrity does something I always assume it's the Surra plane is hit the tower where they're like doing something and they go like Okay, like get him out of their ear. Oh, no always assumed So he just he didn't say that he did it. I said he did it. Yeah, if he was out there going

It you know, you know, just that helped the homeless, they fucking, they're like, videotapeing themselves. That's my favorite. Whether they're doing volunteer work as they're recording it, you're like, this does not count. It doesn't.

Yeah. I do feel like when I get back to New York, I'm gonna pick it. I wanna go pick it because I was sent on the cell A trip and I'm fired up now that I came out here. No, I'm, I'm, I'm do, I, I try to go, uh, it, you know, I don't know. I try to do something. I don't have the money to send to food truck those so that I'm just going to be handing out cheese sandwiches.

So just go down there and just stand there whatever. You know what you do? Don't beep at them when you drive by because when you pick it, it's all happening every five seconds. BAM BAM BAM! BAM! You said that and I did that last week. I did that last week. Notice now. Louis Katz and I were driving to San Diego. We drove by those people.

BAM BAM BAM BAM! Nobody waived. No, they're like, shut the fuck up. Stop it. Just holding their signs. Yeah, I don't know. I would think that I would hope it would break by the fall, but you have no idea. Well, I will tell you this.

I always knew because they, you know, it's just they've always been this way. That's why I never stopped doing stay. I also love staying up and I have my podcast. So I always had these two things that if the shit hit the fan like this, like, you know, you got to have, you know, you're lucky if you have something to ride this out because

the one that got me was that kid who was right and on the bear. You know, it's a hit TV show. Yeah, it's the hottest show right now. And he's living below the poverty line. It's just like, can you just fucking, like, what do they have against the middle class? Like nobody's asking. Nobody's asking. Then I what I love to is then people go, well, why doesn't this star in a show,

fucking pay him? It's just like, that's like he go to a home depot and the guy in the four clips not making any money. Like, why don't you have the guy up with the fucking management that they, it's like it's not his company. Yeah, the guy doing the scheduling, have him kick down some money

for the fucking lumberyard. No, it's like, why can't they just, did you see this with like, because you came up in the time of comedy clubs where they were like, they're criminals that gone on the table. When they, they, they still are. But now they have to be, but here's the thing now that of podcasts now because people can market themselves with social media, you can go sell out a rock club. That whole alternative thing became kind of commonplace to be like, oh, well, if a club won't book me, I'll book a rock club.

What's the guy at the rock club? That guy's not gonna fuck you. But I'm saying he didn't have as much control over comedy. When you were coming up, the comedy clubs were like the dawns. They were like, hey, you wanna work here, jump through all these hoops. Yeah. I don't think rock clubs do that.

They're just like, can you provide the people? Then we'll book you. Whereas comedy clubs were like, send a tape. Now do a dance. Now turn around. And you know, and everyone was like, Oh, okay. And then all of a sudden the comedy clubs, they're like, Oh, these guys are playing rock clubs were fucked. I mean, one time I went and I mittled at the comedy connection in Providence. Yeah. And then they gave me host money. And I called the guy up. I said, I'm middleed.

And he goes, no, he goes, you co-host it. Oh, I go, it's a different term. I go, what is that mean? I go, I didn't go on stage with the host. The host brought me up and I did, buddy to buddy, you say it. Like you're at an awards ceremony. The next comic is, it's Bill, you know.

Yeah, I did 20 minutes and they just they they but don't you feel like that's what these studio guys are doing now where they're going like oh you wrote that show. Yeah, but you wrote it. We're not gonna give you the stream money. That's like to me feels the same exact way of them being like no you call hosted. That's the money you get. Yeah. No, I think it's it's like I don't know. I think a's, it's like, I don't know, I think a lot of people feel like capitalism is great, but it has to be monitored.

And it's just like, it's just completely off the fucking rails. And we're heading towards, you know, some of these countries that I've been to where it's like, you either got all the money or no money. It's just like, like, that's not good. What was great when I was growing up was there were a lot more unions and there was like, and people could have, like, you could literally have like a regular job, you get a factory job or a driver truck or something like that. And you could afford to have a stay-at-home wife if you wanted

to. Or you could put your kid through college. You'd have to be like, schools were good in that. Like, the fact that we've let like in so many areas, like public schools go and I don't think there's anybody on either side that doesn't want, like who the fuck wants to have to pay college tuition starting at five years old or whatever, right? Like it was also a way public schools were a great way for you to be like,

hey, this is what life's gonna be like. You're gonna deal with people from all different backgrounds. Yeah. And put them all in the same thing. I had a huge high school. My high school was like 3,500 kids. It's like a small college. So you show up and you're like, there were rich kids there,

there were poor kids there, and you were just like, figuring it out. We tried to give money to, like, I was just like, all right, let's just pick a public school in the area and let's help them out and you can't do it. You have to take the money and give it to the the top people and then they decide he takes off. He's like I'll take a couple. Oh wherever he goes. So the only way that we've been able to which is what do to do it we always we you can you can just you can give him supplies. Sure. So you can go, you can get like laptops,

everything from pencils up to laptops, whatever they need. So, and I feel like, you know, I like doing that every year, like that's something you should do rather than just sitting around bitching at it. But like, I don't know, it's kind of, it's gonna be interesting.

Like, at what point is it ever gonna happen, people are gonna be like, look, we're fucking dipping into the pot too much. Like, did they have any sort of like guilt? No, because I think it was what I was talking about earlier with Putin, where there's never the moment where he sits down and he's like, plutonium, that might have been too much. He's always just like, yeah, that's what I do.

I just keep moving. They're gonna keep being like, no, I'm a successful business man. There should be like a salary cap. We should do salary capes on CEOs where you should like, now you did it. You cross the 10 billion mark. You're done. Just hold on to that. Your family's not gonna need any more than that. You're just... Listen, no, I don't have a problem with somebody making 10 billion dollars. Not Billy. 10 billion dollars is long as they're leaving enough

for like a middle class. Cause most people, man, like as far as like me getting into this business, obviously, you know, you want to make it, but I just wanted to be able to like not have a day job and be able to pay my rent, telling jokes. And it's just like for a lot of people who are fucking, that's enough.

Yeah. I think that's what everyone wants. They just want to be able to afford their rent, be able to eat, and then have like a thing that brings them joy. I got season tickets to the Niners. I got season tickets to something, and they're like, I don't know what I like to go fishing,

or I go hunting, or whatever the hell you just have your hobby. Yes. And be able to live. Like that's the, out of everything that I've seen growing up, like watching that go away and then just watching people yelling about the color of ties, is it's happening? It's kind of like, it's just like,

guys, we all want the same fucking year. We're all trying to be comfortable. Yeah, and the reason, and they're just like, they're just putting us in like, like they fight dogs that just got us in like the pit. And um. They're great like, they're just putting us in like, like they fight dogs. They just gotta send like the pit. And they're great at it though. They're cause they're great at aiming us at each other. Well, that's why they used to have rules on media ownership.

And once they deregulated that, and then, you know, you got dead Ted Turner's view, and you have, not Ralph Machio, what's the other guy's name? The Crowdy Kid, this is perfect. What's this? Oh, Rupert Murdoch. Yeah, I knew it was Australian. I knew it was RM.

Yeah, Rupert Murdoch, my favorite fact is always that he's Australian. And he's just running the biggest pro-America news site. And you're like, it's a foreign industry. But you can blame CNN for Fox News because of CNN didn't do. Yeah, CNN's just as guilty, they're all guilty. All of them are shit CNN's the worst also the Twine and I don't like CNN because they pretend that they care. Yeah. So does MSNBC they go like MSNBC's your mom coming in after your Dad yells and being like it's pretty crazy. MSN but you don't know in the kitchen She was like fucking ground his ass ground his ass and then she comes in. MSNBC to me is like prog rock or something but you don't know in the kitchen, she was like fucking ground his ass, ground his ass.

And then she comes in. MSNBC to me is like prog rock or something. Like I don't even like go like what is is that's not in for? I can't listen to that. I don't even I don't even know what channel that's on. No, like there's never any news on in my every once in a while my mother-in-law will come over. And she'll have like CNN on and I'll walk in and we're within three minutes.

I have like a panic attack. I'm like, can you shit the graphics? The noises, the way they go, like everything is always breaking news ever on CNN. You can't turn on CNN without there being breaking news. What Fox is the same way and all they do is just like blame each other and it's like, like, it's so fucking un-American. So am I, when I run for office, I'll get destroyed. I'm capping people at 10 billion.

You get 10 billion, but then anything over that, you gotta kick back down to make a middle class again. And you can only have the news in the morning and at night, like when we were growing up. You can only have the nightly news and the morning news. And then stop trying to fill 1pm to 5pm with buzzworthy shit. Well, I would go back to the national news and the local news and then the person reading

it cannot show you which way they lean. Yeah, they have to be very likely. Big fat tie. Yep. And just being like today. And they're still going to be propaganda. Sure. But. I'm fine with, listen, as an American that loves this country,

give me a little American propaganda. But it's like, just a little spice. I just need a little. I don't need it the whole thing. I don't need it covered in ranch. I need a little, give me a dazzle, a little drizzle of ranch. I love the city orchestra and the fireworks show.

Yeah. And people out on boat shooting shit. Oh my God, I love old men in uniforms marching and being like, I can't sleep. And when a book drops, I shit my pants. I love that. I love that. But let's get back to like just the news being, oh, here comes the news. Here's the information. Who, where, why?

Not like, do you think Joe Biden naps too much? Like, probably, he can barely stand at this point. I can't believe he's going to make another election. They should. That's, it's unreal. That's the dumbest thing I've heard. The dumbest thing I've heard is like the Yarmere Yager of politicians. It's like, he's going to play another season.

You go, sit out. Sit out, Jeff George. I know you still got something left in the arm, but you're throwing a lot of picks. He just shows up, he's like, yeah, it's fucking wild. It is absolutely wild. You should think. Dude, it's insane.

The guy should be like, just stick him on a porch somewhere. Shane Gillis had a line that cracked me up, where he goes, he's the only president you could assassinate with a punch. And you're like, that's so goddamn funny. That's so goddamn funny. He really is. Well, lately though, that is like,

I don't know that Trump could, Trump is 80 and eats McDonald's. I love it. As a McDonald's fan, it gives me hope for the future that I could keep going on that science meet. I know, but I think, but he's got the money to just, he gets him blasted all four blasted out every six months.

You know, he just, a guy with a big straw. He probably, he probably has, he has a zipper. Yeah. And they go like, his ribcage is felt. They just pull it out and they're like, there you go. Get that out. I think the more we see with the wealth disparity, the more and more people get wealth here and wealthier and then the easier it gets to get a gun there's just going to be a moment where those rich people are like

you guys know that's all these poor people are scrapped outside of our fucking compounds no that they think they'll squash it before it becomes a problem they have the elite weapons well that's the thing you know when people like they talk about you know you know the right to bear arms and which I totally understand, but when they say that, you know, you know, I want to be able to fight off a tyrannical government. It's like, first of all, what are you waiting for? Yeah. Secondly, like whatever weaponry you have access to, as far as you being able to fight off the government, watch the weapons they have in technology that ship sailed somewhere around world war one Once they put a machine gun on a plane kind of fucked. Yeah, there's zero chance

You're gonna beat that with your fucking nine millimeter at your house But even if you got a like a fully automatic weapon. It's just you like they're gonna they can stay got guys in fucking Arizona Blowing people up on the other side of the world but fucking drones Like what are you gonna get at the local gun store? Yeah, then it is funny that some dude in you know a whole family in Yemen's getting taken out and then a guy in Arizona leaves his little fucking locker outside and then goes to like a tilted kilp and it's just having pictures of beer I don't think I think it fuck with them. You think so? Well, dude, I never watch videos like that and I'm going to, you know, I'm doing a run of dates in Europe and, you know, the comics I'm going with, you know,

because they know I'm a terrified of the ocean. They go, what about the Mediterranean Sea? There's no, we say there's no sharks there. I go, there are sharks, so I googled shark attack and this fucking guy, man, poor kid, this Russian kid was on vacation, and got eaten by a tiger shark. And I just thought, you're just gonna see the tail,

and him just go, I mean, it was- Like a movie, where they make it look, you saw him. It was brutal. Because in a movie, they just go under and there's- I never watched like real death shit. Like when, I remember like when, you know, those people getting their heads saught off. I was just talking about this.

I was just, and like, faces a death and red. I mean, people would like be, do you see that? I was like, no, I don't want to see that. Do you remember when ISIS? But anyways, getting to that, like this fucking guy, I mean, dude, this thing came in the second time at Bidham.

It came in right at his shoulder and just fucking, dude, took him under like a piece of paper. Yeah. Gone. Yeah. Fucking gone. And it was just like, I don't even know why did I even bring this up. Oh, we're talking about a fear of, we're talking about weaponry and then we're talking about

you going to. Oh, and just just watching that. Yeah. Watching this poor kid get killed and like, you know, you only need to get a hope for it was it was just that last bite just. Yeah, you're hoping it's that you know, like, but if you actually are killing people, like it's just it's a I would say it's a new form of whatever the, you know, the soldiers that come back and actually face somebody and do it. It's got to be some sort of, you

know, new form of PT, I always fuck up. PTSD. PTSD. Do you think they leave their crate in the middle of the desert and that fucking thing to have them in with all the controls? And you think they leave and they're like,

woo, I fucking, I saw my village. I think, I would actually think that it would depend on what you did. If you were saving troops' lives, oh my god, there's some people over here that are guys and you say to them, I think that would be a different feeling than what happens. A lot is fucking up and you kill the wrong person. And then you just like, all right, it wasn't on purpose. I was doing my job. But that stuff like, as someone that's fucked up a lot at work in any job I've ever had,

but there's a reason why we're doing this and not doing that. But I could see me being with a headset going like this and like, all right, soldier and launch those drones and I go, I think it was a hospital. There they go. What? Solder and I go, I fucking, I think I just blew up a hospital. I think the headset off and they're like, God damn it,

that would be me. I would be the guy coming out of the thing being like, I fucked up, I fucked up big time. I would be the guy coming out of the thing being like, I fucked up, I fucked up big time. I fucking got a whole wedding. It was a wedding. I think that they would see that in you psychologically before you could put me on the controls.

Yeah, but because you're there protecting our sides, so they don't want some wishy washy fucking guy me going you guys mad at me. I just fucking I'm so worried about. Sorry guys. Sorry. I think I just shot two missiles into a bridal party. Yeah, no, yeah. It's it's you know that's what I think is funny too when they talk about like older people now say this generation soft. It's like they've been fighting a war. I don't think they're soft. I think every generation has some soft people, but like, you know, like a lot of the homeless population, and we really talk deep shit here. A lot of the homeless population out here is like, you know,

it's like, you know, veterans and stuff. And what's wild for me is that the experience now of being like a veteran, it's like you, you, you, you enlist, you get brought out half time at a football game But a standing ovation and then you serve yeah come back with all the problems You end up homeless and then the same people that gave you a standing ovation 18 months earlier a drive-in by going again A job you fucking piece of shit. I had a line. I was I was joking around about that

I had a line in a bit where I was like oh, so There's a guy in the street, like I liberated Fallujah, and now you won't let me inside. And people were like, oh, oh, every time I would say that. And you're like, but that's just the truth. Right, you got all these guys coming. You got to say out here,

those are our sidewalks. It's like, it's their sidewalks too. And there's a funny, is nobody uses a sidewalks out here. No, no one walks anywhere. Yeah, we drive everywhere, we go, let them, where the fuck are they gonna go? Guys, sleep in an tent made out of garbage bags

on a hundred degree day, inside of that and we're like, no, but you're right. Half time of a bull game. You're not suffering enough. Keep it moving. It is wild to me that we have no real great programs for soldiers to come home to and be like, we have better programs for prisoners to get out of jail than we do for vets to come home and be like, you dealin' with some stuff? Put them out there. It's fuckin' wild. Yeah. If this is one of the most...

We can't end the podcast. No, this is depressing. We gotta talk about some good shit. I got a lot of new football stadiums and baseball stadiums. Stuff's good. There's a lot of tastes being made. Do you ever have Chipotle ranch? It's incredible. That's great. By the way, we do have to do it. It's the Smash Burger movement. Juicy on the inside, crispy on the outside.

How did you go? When your, when your daughters, when your, when your, when your kids have kids and they're like, grandpa, how'd you deal with it? You're like, well, I had never had a zesty jalapeno taste before or endless Coca-Cola. That was pretty sweet. The shit we have to distract us is the best shit ever.

I mean, it's pretty well. It's the fucking coolest. It's pretty well. It's the cool, having a pool anywhere. Remember when like only one person you knew had a pool or like, oh, you were rich. A person that knew a person you knew had a pool and like, Oh, you were rich. A person that knew a person you knew had a pool and you'd be like, can we get over there?

And now people like, we can build that, we can build that. What's funny too is what I was a kid, you just moved into a house and you said eventually we're gonna redo that hideous room and you never did. But now people, the whole thing has to be redone to their exact. That's because there's 50 shows on television about how we can blow that wall out,

we'll make it an open space. I don't like that back splash. Like, I didn't even know that that word just came into my life. Dude, I remember my step-dead was the most handy guy ever. He built my mom a 1970 MGB in our garage. Just built it. Wow. Just with the body.

When got all the parts. To one with the back door. Yeah. Oh, that one's, I saw one of those today. Wow. Just with the body. When got all the parts. The one with the back door. Yeah. Oh, that one's, I saw one of those today. Yeah. Just saw one of those. It was fucking phenomenal.

He built it. That hatchback. Where you pull it. Yeah. And he built it, you know, he got the body and then built it. It was like the most handy guy. I never sat in the garage with him. I was always like, I'm going to watch wrestling.

And he's like, I'm gonna build stuff. I should have done that, but I remember we moved into this house and my mom was like, oh, I want a garden. You know, it's like one of those things and this is the 90s, so it was like, well, then do it yourself. And my stepdad was like, I'll build you one

and like, I watched him put in a sprinkler system and all this shit and I was like, how do you know to do this? He's like, who's it? And now if you buy a house, you're like, I'm not moving into the gardens built. Have someone go build me a garden. And you're like, you can just do it like that. When it was my step that,

I think that caused their divorce. So it was like, that was a big enough garden to be like, it was that worth it, mom? Rushing the causes of worse. Well, they just started bitching at each other and all this stuff. He's like, I built you a garden. That was always like the thing.

I built you a goddamn 1970 MTV. And my mom's like, it's not enough. That's the male version of, I gave you children. Yeah, it's exactly it. And I watched it. And I remember being a little kid watching it, being like, he's got a point. And I got put a lot of time into that garden.

At well, I mean, that's one of the, that's one of the, it's the comedy of being a married guy. Yeah, I'm about to enter that moment. It's worth, you know, it's definitely worth it, but the water definitely flows. You know, look, once every 15 years, we get a tropical storm out here. The rest of the time. It's just the water, you know which way the water goes.

That's fucking hilarious. I'm going to take, that's possibly the best advice I've gotten for being engaged is you're just like, just know which way the water goes. And occasionally, you get your day. Well, yeah, it is, yeah, I'm not gonna tell you anything though, but it is what it is. It's definitely worth it.

Having kids is fucking awesome and all that type of stuff, but the water flows. I'm gonna get that fucking tattooed on my arm. So next time I'm in the kitchen, y'all, I'm gonna be like, okay, now I got it. Yeah, you're right, yeah, you're right. Why did I do that? I'm gonna save myself a weekend of pain.

No, the only way to beat it, you can't argue the river. What you can do is if you quietly accept the river, the river starts to feel a little bad about what it's doing. And then it checks in with you. This is the Bruce Lee be water speech for guys getting married. Be water. Just flow. Just don't push against it. Just be like, you know what they're doing. Yeah. And you go along with it. And then when you get a little like, don't argue, you just get quiet. When you get quiet, then they start thinking like,

all right, I've been pushing a little too hard. That's so far. That's all it is. But if you actually, if you face it, yeah, yeah, no. Then it's like, then it rages over. Undertones. Do you think they find your body down in San Diego?

The next time I'm going gonna start an argument or under, I'm just gonna, the one word of under-toe is gonna come into my head and be like, not not just go with the flow, be like, okay, you're right, and just quiet. Just float, just back float, let the water take you. They know you're doing shit, you don't wanna be doing.

Yeah. Okay, so if you're just cool, then they'll just keep doing it. But every once in a while, if you just get quiet, then they'll just keep doing it, but every once in a while, if you just get quiet. Then they're like, hey, yeah, like, or they come and sit down next to you, and they're going, you're just like, good. I'm all right.

Doing all right. Is everything all right? You know, it's fine. I have to hide this. Then that's that, fucks with them. So then they gotta be like, whoa. How are you? Are you, you know, same like your father? I think he's to do a bit about How are you? You don't seem like your father. I think you should do a bit about that

Yeah, you don't seem like a father. They give you the little forum thing. They're sort of couch. They go What are you doing? Is there a game on or something today? Yeah, maybe you're a guy you like games maybe later and like Do you want to just hang out today? It's like yeah, oh dude, that's fucking hilarious. I'm absolutely taking that advice. Yeah. Don't get ripped into the undertow.

Yeah, and then what you do in the meantime is, you know, you go out and get coffee with them, you take them to the movies and stuff, so you keep it alive. There's bad thing, don't start drifting. Yeah. Don't start drifting because you'll get to a point where you can't come back together,

and then you gotta go out and fucking find somebody somebody new and then these fucking idiot guys that I love these guys to get divorced and then get married again. I get getting divorced. You were out. Yeah. And then you go back in like it's going to be different. Yeah. Like the water is going to flow the other way.

It's not the water pose one way. Yeah. No bill. This undertow understands this river is going to be different. It's not. I think that was probably the most positive thing we've set on this podcast. It's good relationship. Well, I'll say that I have something positive is I I it's you people wouldn't know this probably but I do like people and I like listening different points of view and I don't care if

you're conservative or if you're liberal and I don't think that's a bad thing. And I think that it's funny that like liberals call you. You're a centrist, like it's bad. It's like, yeah, I am. You know what I'm doing? I'm hearing both points. Yes, I hear both sides, and then whatever sounds good to me, I go with.

Because I know that nobody is right. 100% of the time, you fucking lunatic. And it's also the thing you said where they're always hiding. It's poker. They have poker faces on, so you don't know what they're actually thinking. Yeah. I hope we get back to the point where it was like back in the day where no one talked about religion or politics.

They're just like, I'm not going to tell you I voted for. You're like, let's just keep it that way. Exactly. Don't bring that up. We shielded and do that in public. Yeah, I love that. I love what I'm like. I don't know what this is. I got another positive one.

Yeah, the dairy queen. The best dairy queen still around. The best, the blizzard. It's fought through McFlurry's. It's fought through all these imitators. Yeah, I like the black and white soft serve one. Yeah, that's what you know, racial harmony. I look at that coming together.

We're gonna come together. We don't like tasty treats. I like when they put the spoon in and they show you Yeah, fantastic. It holds in your like Exactly One of the worst things that happened to me in America. I was fucking I think I was in Portland, Oregon And I ordered some mint chocolate chip and they told me it wasn't in season That's it was in San Francisco. That's what that's why I went across the street to the drug store where all the old people were.

And guess what they had? Gallons! GALLENDS! A lime green. A lime green. A lime green, mint chocolate chip. I don't want your fucking white chocolate chip. Oh, that's what is this shit?

I want it green. I want it incredible whole green. Yes, I'm an American. I will have mint chocolate chip any fucking day of month And for all you people that say it tastes like toothpaste will fuck you. Maybe I like that taste It did mint chocolate chip fucking rules. It does rule. Yeah, you fired me up. I'm gonna go get dairy queen I might stop by there after this Get a please all right. Well, it was fun not promoting all the cool things you had coming out

I honestly have listened to this podcast for fucking 12 years however long you've been doing it and when you said yes, I was like this is unbelievable. Oh really? It's unbelievable to me. Yeah, man, you've been- I know, I've been having a lot of guests lately. I'm trying to get back to not doing it.

So, and I think- I hope I, I hope I fucking, you know, grow that point out. This was such a positive Conversation, yeah, no, I like having I do like having guests especially because I don't I don't see you a lot Yeah, you being on the east you know in New York City where we Fucking can't get Starbucks you're two in the morning you can in New York They can't now you're fucking there's so much there's plenty of bad pizza and bad bagels in New York. No, you can't. Now you're fucking... There's so much, there's plenty of bad pizza

and bad bagels in New York. They're all living off the reputation. You need to talk to a New Yorker that tells you where the fuck to go. By the way, why would Boston be any different? Of course you can get a bad bacon, and you can cheese there. You can also get a great one

if you ask somebody to dump fuck. It's called having local knowledge. Also, I trust the New Yorkers that grew up there, have left and came back and still celebrate it. Because you're like, all right, you've understood that there's other things in the world. They're not the cocky ones. It's the ones that have never left. Yeah, they're done. Okay, all right, we got it. We got it. We got it. We got to wrap this up. Yeah. All right. That's it. Everybody. This has been the podcast. Thank you to Dad Soda. Check them out on the road

Check out all his shit that he can't promote and have a great weekend. You cut See The Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's the Monday morning podcast from Monday, August 31st, 2015, August 31st, as far as I know, it's the last day of fucking summer. Maybe it isn't. Maybe some of you consider Labor Day. You know, maybe some of you are those traditionalists where you can't wear white after Labor Day. Well, tell it to that whore that was on that thing last night that fucking doesn't show videos anymore. I am of course talking about the MTV Music Awards which I could be honest with, I don't even know that they were on.

They had no idea. My wife knew and she put them on and I remember one point they was in the background. They were showing the old MTV logo and it was changing all colors and stuff And I just I always get sad when I see it like what happened What happened and that where the fuck do they get off? And I know I'm the one millionth person to say this but where the fuck do they get off? Why do they have a video Music awards when they don't show any music videos? You know what I mean? Do I have, I don't know, do I host a fucking show about not being a cunt? It would be just as hypocritical, right? By the way, could that chick be trying any fucking harder? Good Lord

We get it Those dumbass outfits, you know every fucking outfit looking like you're gonna go fuck Captain Kirk It's so Go back and look look at some of the the truly shocking shit that people did way back. I thought, you know, fucking freak me out a long time ago was Marilyn Manson. The first time that guy came out, he's saying the beautiful people. And he was, I don't know what the fuck he was wearing. It was something, I think it was that thing that women wore back in the day

when they try to make their waist really small. Is that a corset? He had that and like his fucking awful ass hanging out and he had like these contact lenses that made him look like a husky I was just like what the fuck is that? You know running around out there like jailbait with the fucking tongue hanging out and now you're legal and I was in the other room, right? and You know my wife has some family in town, so she and some of the ladies were in there watching it and So the fucking

Captain Kirk's one night stand there what the fuckers are now. I want to keep saying lady Gaga I know it's not that it's not Taylor Swift That's two out of three though Miley Cyrus Miley Cyrus She's in there Singing this fucking song over and over again about how she doesn't give a fuck and I felt bad for her.

You know what I mean? Cause you know, with the music game, it's like, yeah, you're popular for a while and then it just fucking starts to go down and then maybe you get one more hit and then you fucking finished and then for the rest of your life, you gotta sing those songs.

Sing us a song, yeah, the piano man say got to song tonight What do you think Billy Joel drinks so much? He's got to sing the same fucking 20 songs for 40 years I mean the fact that that man is still standing Is a testament To his inner strength Yeah, I find to do the same fucking jokes for 20 years 40 years you going back to fucking... I didn't want to do jokes I did fucking four years ago. There's no way.

These poor people... In this poor woman, Miley Cyrus is going to have to sing about how she doesn't give a fuck when she's in her 50s and 60s. You know what I mean? And she's painted herself into a corner wearing those Star Trek outfits. I said, no, she hasn't. If I was her manager, I say, listen, at some point, you got to put your tongue away and put some goddamn clothes on or you know I'm I'm gonna leave right around when you're about 32 33 because I'm not gonna watch this fucking

train wreck like what's her face Madonna I mean Madonna's pushing 60 and she still has to go out there and fish nets rubbing a clam because that's what God are there you know what I mean I mean she should be I mean she's a mom somebody's mom she has like grown up kids. She's still trying to hide behind that. Well, I was trying to break down the boundaries of what you picture when you picture a 58 year woman. Yeah, you're really not. It's just like growing up and having a little bit of class and admitting that, you know, those days are behind you and enjoying your kids right that's what I would think you run around wait a minute I mean old rock star still run around grabbing the

dicks I know God knows Billy Idol is I don't know maybe I'm wrong on this one. I have no idea, but you've really got to... I would think if I was a musician, which I'm clearly not, in the back of my head, as much as I had to be present and who the fuck I was when I was writing songs, there would be something that's going like, hey, you know, if this is a giant hit I'm gonna have to sing this in a casino when I'm 60 you know what I mean it's gonna be 60 years old going yeah smoke weed I don't give a fuck right it fucking jelly rolls hanging out of that fucking outfit I don't know the fuck do I know got to do, maybe just give it a funny intro. It's be, all right, this next song I wrote when I was 21 within the first half of line of lyrics you're gonna realize it.

Forgive me as I roll my eyes when I sing this fucking thing. Oh my God Jesus Christ that's gonna come back to honey. I worry about that you know about ever becoming a fucking parent you know is some of the bits that I've done coming back and blowing back in my face you know what I mean. I just stupid. Hey you know I'm I was an idiot and kind of still am, but legally you have to do what I say within reason. Sorry. Would you like some pro loops? I don't know how you do it. You know what it is? I don't give a shit about any of those things. Those fucking video awards.

You know what it really is? I just wish that MTV still played music so I could stay up on it rather than just no one who like the Five pop stars are You know what I mean? Like how many times are they gonna keep going back to Taylor Swift and Kanye West? That's just like is there anybody new Kanye West Taylor Swift Miley Cyrus fucking That chick there with the booty The fuck is her name she's always arguing with people on Twitter I just had it Nicki Minaj those same four

people have been on every fuck that same award show for like 10 years at this point I see that show like once every three fucking years it's the same god damn people even Justin Timberlake went home at some point like guys it's that they don't show videos anyways it's fucking over right I don't know the fuck do I know um anyways this is the Monday morning podcast I'm running my app here and dude this is the last day of August and which means obviously tomorrow is September 1st and September I'm going to go out at a limb here and say this is the greatest fucking month of the year and starts the greatest four months of the year. It's

football season. Baseball is is is hurling towards the fucking hurtling or hurling. Cruising, we'll pick a word I can use. Cruising towards the playoffs. Hockey and hoop start up. Right, you got Thanksgiving, which is the shit. And then you got Christmas, which is awesome if you married the right person. Oh, you're not in jail, right? I always heard the holidays are rough when you fucking lock down if anybody's listening

to this somehow in jail. I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry about that. I hope you're in it. I don't hope you're in it. I hope you did it. Jesus Christ, if you can be sit there eating that fucking slump. Anyways, I wonder if they actually have a reprieve in prison during the holidays. So you can be sit there eating that fucking slop Anyways

I wonder if they actually have a reprieve in prison during the holidays You know what I mean? Well like for like one day everyone can just walk around the yard and act like it's like central park The I the idealistic version of central park we can just sort of skip around with birds like you're in a Walt Disney movie You know without the anti-Semitism of Walt Walt sort of skip around with birds like you're in a Walt Disney movie. You know, without the anti-Semitism of Walt. Walt. Oh, Walt. They're not all bad. How many times do you think they said that to him as he was drawing Pluto?

Anyways, so my big plans for this week aside from this is the final fucking week of my diet to get down to the weight that I want to be at. Thursday afternoon, I'm going to a say, kaba and I say Thursday afternoon because the games come on early out here and I'm going to watch the beginning of the Michigan Wolverines turning their football program around. Huh? Making the Ohio State Michigan game an actual factor again for the first time in 15 years. Jim Harbaugh, I'm telling you, if you guys got us, if you didn't look at it already, just Google a picture, Jim Harbaugh,

first pitch to Troy Tigers. Just look at that, that guy is a fucking animal. He's a maniac. He's such a psycho-grown man at the professional level couldn't handle him anymore in San Francisco. And now he's going to Michigan where they don't make any money, at least legally, right? They got to do what the fuck he says. I'm telling you, within two years this guy's going to turn this thing around. I think they're going to make major leaps. I'm telling you within two years this guy's gonna turn this thing around I think they're gonna make major leaps. I'm hoping they are and all of a sudden that song will be able to be sung with pride again Come on, Buckeye fans sing it with me, huh?

Hail to the victors, valiant hail to the victors, valiant hail hail to Michigan Something and something. You know, I think the number and reason why Ohio State's hate Michigan is because they don't have a good fight song. Nobody knows what the fight song is for Ohio State. They don't as much as Woody Hayes jumped up and down and had a temper tantrum. Nobody gave a fuck about that song. I don't know why.

There's like three songs that everybody knows. They know that one and they know, yeah, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, Jesus loves us fucking best. And then the USC Trojans, which is the worst, I feel like I could have wrote that song. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, do they play that song?

The reason, number one reason why I fucking hate USC is when I was younger, I was a Notre Dame fan. And somewhere around Lou Holtz, I've talked about this before. But sometime around Lou Holtz, when he was holier than now, I'm going't doing steroids yet. They were just as big as teams that were doing steroids It's just that that classic Religious God loves us best touched down Jesus horseshit once I got older it started to annoy me But when they got really bad I don't want to see that happen the same way I will hate to watch you Michigan get really bad I would hate to see that happen to Ohio State and I'm one of those weird people because I lived in Massachusetts. I like Ohio State and Michigan, which makes no fucking sense. But I like both of them and I want them to be both be great and kick the shit out of each other in November. Is that asking too much?

I don't think it is. But getting back to USC, those motherfuckers play that song, which isn't a bad song. It's just they pummel you with it. It's like a fucking Beyonce song by the end of the first quarter. It's like, I got it. This song has been released. If I pay 99 cents and download it on the iTunes, can you stop playing it at least for eight fucking seconds. Those stupid cunts at USC, okay, they play that song every, they break the huddle and they play it. Like that was some accomplishment. Hey, they're all on the same page and they're going to try to execute this play. It drives me up the fucking wall. Like whenever I watch a USC game, I just have my thumb on the mute button.

And I swear to God by the end of it I have like, is it possible to have carpal tunnel in your thumb or whatever whatever the the the fuck contending is in my forearm. It's a little sore there, right? And then when I watched the late game I got my forearm and bend gay. Um, and I'm with the fuck I'm talking about. So anyway, this is um, so I had my way in yesterday. I'm actually doing this podcast Monday morning. I've been doing them Sunday nights recently. But so I had my way in yesterday. I had to get down to 165 after a loss last week. And the question was, was oh, Billy fucking flabby tits. Going to be six. Fought weight, I mean, let's see. I know what the fuck my record is. I know I had two losses.

All right, first week I went down to 183, then down to 180, then I had a loss. Then 177, 174, 171, then I had a loss. Then, no, I won that one, then I lost the next week. All right, so this week would be to see if i'd be five and three or six and two five and three the season starting to slip away is there trouble in freckle town how to get down to a buck sixty-five and god damn it

i got on the scale and i was drumroll one5.0 Made it I made it I'm not a lady. I had to go fucking skip rope for a couple of rounds The drops and water weight to make weight and my body goes dude. That's cheating. I'm like no it isn't It's not fucking cheating. All right You're negative cunt It's not fucking cheating fighters do that all the time to make weight.

All I'm trying to do is make weight. And I've weighed myself throughout all of this right after I worked out. That is when I've weighed myself. So that is consistent. Now, I know that I weigh a couple more pounds over that, maybe even three more pounds over that. All right, but this is working for me.

So shut your fucking pie hole. So this is deal. When I get down to a buck 62 next week, which is the way that I wanted to be. So I'll be 162 after my workout. All right. Now what most people do at that point, they go, hey, I made it. Now I'm going to have a cheeseburger and fries and become a fucking addict again. Sugar's all, sugar's all, sugar's all right, doing that shit. What I'm gonna then do is try to, I'm gonna start weighing myself after lunch, seeing what that number is, and then I'll get down to 162,

weighing myself after lunch every day. So there you go, I'm doing it in baby steps. Go fuck yourself, I'm an old man. So anyways, yeah, I'm psyched. I knew if I talked about this shit on the podcast, I would have done it, because if I didn't, if I was just doing it on my own, and I didn't have you guys hypothetically

in my fucking ear, giving me shit, that I'm a loser, because I didn't make it, I probably would have stopped around a buck 72. Hey, I'm in a pretty good day, yeah. Think I could have a fucking cookie. But this morning, today's like technically my day off. So on my day off, I still go do something because I'm at that age. If I take a day off, I'm still fucked.

Even if I eat well, I don't understand it. I have to do something. So every fourth day, my day off, right? I do chest and tries. I do the fucking pull ups and all that shit the next day and then the next day I do legs and then on my day off I have to do something. Go for a walk or whatever lately. I've been riding a bike and so I'm riding up through the fucking hills out here and I'm fucking dying. Right. and I'm fucking dying, right? I'm standing up in first and like first, like the easiest gear, and I'm probably like gear six.

You know, we got one, two, and three, as far as level difficulty. I'm on one, and I think I'm on gear four, and I'm standing up like, every fucking, you know, petal that I'm doing right every revolution and then I'm hearing this guy coming right up behind me and I'm just going off. Fuck this you know here comes one of these fucking guys just gonna fucking blow by me in this dude I thought it was gonna be somebody in their 20s maybe early 30s this fucking old man with his old legs with the elasticity and his legs gone. Fucking blows by me.

Blows by me still sitting in his seat on the bicycle. Didn't even say hello. He just went right by me. I'm not even joking. I know that sounds like a hacky fucking joke. I swear to God. And then within two turns, I couldn't see him anymore. He was gone. And I was looking all

the way up the hill and I just see this fucking little guy all the way up the hill. You know, riding through the canyon's there. I'm looking all the way up the hill going, that's not him. And I'm trying to look like between that guy, whoever the fuck that guy is and me as we're going around the turn and turn out it was him. He just fucking smoked. Absolutely smoked me, but whatever he gonna do. But you know what's been motivate me to ride the bike every every fourth day. It was Virzy. Virzy going, dude, getting a bike at your end. No, that's the biggest fucking waste of money. That's in my head every time I look at the bike. I'm like, I got a fucking

put a hundred miles on that bike by the end of this year. You know, because Verzy is coming out this year, I believe he's going to go to the Rose Bowl with this. So at some point when I'm hammered, I'm going to have to say it to Verzy not for fucking nothing, not for nothing. I put a hundred miles on that bicycle. Huh? Look at this. Look at that fucking stomach. Fly! All Um, you know what kills me is I'm basically at a weight where I used to have abs and I don't anymore because once you get the fucking stomach, you're done. And I've been watching all these videos on how to get the fucking last, you know, right now I have what the client, I have the quintessential Cunt belly. Like you could, you could, you could fuck and put me. Oh, I'm going to warn you right now.

This is going to be such a horrific visual, but I got to do it. You could put me in a pair of ladies, bikini bottoms, right? And just, just take a picture of my belly hanging over them and nothing else, and you would think it was a chick. That's really all that's adorable. I wonder how old her toddler is. I have a little bit of baby fat here. I got a baby bump. It's almost worse than my beer belly.

The beer belly was really masculine. You know what I mean? It was becoming a big fucking teddy bear. Like, ah, you know, women love when they're guys a little fat. They love that shit. You know, no other women are going to be looking at them. They don't have to be intimidated that he's looking at her and certain fucking way because you know, he's over there crushing it on the elliptical. They like it. They like when you're a fucking dope It's like my wife. She will not give me a fucking compliment. I swear to God. I

swear to God You know they say you go out and in like you know you end up marrying somebody just like your mom my mom was like that my mom I swear to God never Never gave our compliments ever you know and I was thinking oh, yeah, you know, she's so fucking positive. She says, unbelievable, this is this force. Her personality is incredible. But when, you know, whenever I'm fucking doing something like, you know, I learn something on the drums,

I go out and crush it as a comic or whatever, I never, not a fucking peep, not a peep. Never not a fucking peep not a peep She says it to her friends. I hear her compliments to me through her fucking friends. That's how I hear it So the whole time right I'm sitting there, you know as I'm dropping the weight You know I'm going. I'll check it out. I'm looking good, right? My looking good. She'd be like yeah, you're looking good My come on man. We time dropped like fucking six pounds. She's like, built, I said you look good, Jesus Christ. Like that's the best I would get out of her. And I'm such an insecure asshole. I keep coming back, you know, like looking for this like this parental approval from her. I got to, I got to get past that. That's what I've learned throughout all this. I know I look good. I don't need her. Anyways, the

fucking I talking about here, 21 minutes in, jeez, just Christ, it's time for a little bit of advertising here. So that's the deal, dude. So I'm, I'm not gonna lie to do it, I like to make weight this week because I fucked up so bad the previous week. I got on the scale and I was 165.8 and then I went in the garage and I finished my work out and then just to make doubly sure I skipped rope for six rounds. Just pour and sweat and then I came back in and I got on the scale and I was like 163 points something which I know is bullshit.

I'm probably about honestly after lunch walking around, I'm probably like 167, 168, but I made weight. So go fuck yourself, that's a victory. All right, you can't get me. I wanted on a technicality. This isn't some bellicic check cheating. It was more gym or say in that I'm not gonna get in trouble for it.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bumop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop It's like, oh man, fucking a whole year. Clean slate. What are we gonna try to fucking fix? What are we gonna try to get better at all that type of shit? What do I wanna do, right? And then I love the end of the year, you know? Because it's just like, man, I'm so happy to have these people in my life, man, you know? That's football. It's fucking great.

It's really, I think it's just August. I fucking hate August. I don fucking great. It's it's really I Think it's just August I fucking hate August. I Don't hate it hate it. I just it's just too fucking hot living out here in the desert Living out here in the desert All right, let's get to the fucking Get to the things here. Oh by the way by the way, I'm supposed to read this. Oh, hey, please, I got to thank everybody who bought court Macounts comedy album. People who didn't get it can get it at www.allthingscomedy.com. The podcast network for the people. Oh, and by the way, next week we have some old friends are returning some old friends

I'm gonna be returning to the the advertising portion of the program You might how can I tease it they are a game of skill wink wink And we're happy to have them back they're good sports about it. All right, so I will I will respect their copy as much as I can. All right. All right, there you go. Quick advertising. You run in my app every fucking week. Just read the copy, Bill. You dumb cunt. All right, let's keep moving here. So anyways, what a fucking week. What a fucking sports week. Tennis fans or even non-tennis fans. US Open starts this week, starts today,

actually. And after reading that André Aguisee book, I feel like I can watch it much better than I used to watch it. You know what? It's funny. I used to sit there. I used to get tired when I used to love watching women's tennis, side from the fact that they were hot, you know, running around with their You know what, it's funny. I used to sit there, I used to get tired when I used to love watching women's tennis, side from the fact that they were hot, you know, running around with their fucking little skirts on there. It was only the best two out of three. So I could sit there and watch the whole fucking thing.

The men's set when it would go five fucking sets, I'd be like, Jesus Christ, this is three, four hours. And now that I've actually read Auguste's book, because I'm such a self-involved douchebag, I never sat there and wondered like, wait a minute. Like a football game takes three hours. Baseball game takes three hours, but you don't get the ball every fucking play.

These guys are like running backs, running the ball for three to four hours. I don't think I ever fully appreciated the physical condition that you have to be into to play that game. So I'm really excited to to watch it this year, you know, even like the earlier rounds or whatever.

Now that I, I can't recommend that book enough. And I feel like I've recommended it so much. I'm starting to know you guys. So I'm going to get off the subject. I Watched a little baseball this week. I actually watched a Yankees Braves game I keep missing the games with a score in like 20 runs and then they have like the fucking outfield or come into pitch but I gotta tell you man. I am envious of

What the Yankees have done man like they they kept at two number one prospects of what the Yankees have done man. Like they kept that two number one prospects, that kid bird and then that picture, I got to watch that kid, 21 years old man, fucking crushing it on the mound. And then some guy in the broadcast booth goes, you know, this is not what they used to do. They used to always try to buy it and blah, blah, blah, blah.

And it's like, now they've done this before. When George Steinberg and I got suspended, because he got suspended, they ended up not trading away, Pissata. I don't think they able to trade away, Jeter. But Jeter, Bernie Williams, Andy Pettit, Jorge Pissata, and Mariano Rivera. If George Steinbeard did not get suspended, there's no fucking way.

He wouldn't have traded away at least three of those. And one of them would have, I bet he would have traded away, Mariano Rivera. Because at first they had him pitching like, you know, seventh and eighth innings or whatever he wasn't a fucking starter. He would have tossed him. He definitely would have got rid of Andy Pettit. Christ, he did it anyways. Bernie Williams, he would have probably got an impatient

with a Jorge Pasada. He would have just tossed in there. He would have made some dumb move like that. So I don't know. I just feel like the way Tampa is doing it and the way Kansas City is doing it, I think was always the way to do it. It's still the way to do it. I just think what the Yankees did and then the Red Sox, you know, doing it too. And a

couple other teams. I mean, you're just not successful when you do it for the most part. And then you've blown $180 to $200 million. Look at us. How much fucking money did we spend? We had 12 and a half games out of first. Just $280,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, came back in 04 and won the World Series. It was over. You know what I mean? I'll always not like them, but they don't have that fucking thing that they can hold over anymore. But despite that, I'll always not like the Yankees, but I always respect the team when they do something the right way. So I'm kind of psyched that they're in it. And Kansas City is fucking crushing it because

some of my favorite baseball I ever watched was those late 70s early 80s back before they had the wild card and it was for the American League pennant, the LCS, those Yankees, Kansas City ones, and Kansas City can never beat the fucking Yankees and then they finally did in 1980 and I was so goddamn sighted because we could never beat him. And then of course they lost to the Phillies and the World Series. But one horrific call five years later, they beat the Cardinals. Anyways, plowing ahead here. I saw a really annoying ad on the side of a bus today as I was ending my bike ride

It was this thing on the side of a bus about wearing condoms and it was two guys and And then a woman in the middle and she was both telling them To have some willpower and use a condom and once again with all the bitching out there about all the sexist fucking shit out there, I guess maybe that's sexist because like what, you were gonna have a threesome with these two guys. So maybe I guess women could bitch on that level,

but as a guy I'm sitting there looking at it, thinking about all the women that I got with, like how many times, right? The moment of truth and you go to reach for the condom, have you been with a woman who would go, oh, God, I hate condoms. We just sort of whisper that and literally you'd feel like that fucking, in your fucking stomach

and your heart at the same time, like, yeah, I think I'm putting on two. Think I'm putting on two over there. Well, it's, of course, you were drunk. You'd be like, yeah, I hate them, too. I have no idea where it just cut out. I moved my fucking... God damn it. I moved my computer.

Fortunately, I only talked for a couple of seconds there. I was talking about that condom, man. I don't know where the fuck I left you out here. I was just thinking how funny would it be if they actually... How long would that ad last if they put a woman there and On in that ad and the guy's reaching for the condom and the woman said oh god, hey condom You can never add They would be flipping the fuck out. Oh by the way, you know, I watched I

the fuck out. Oh, by the way, you know, I watched, I watched a little bit of the, uh, Christ of the hell was playing. The raid is what a fucking uniform, by the way, I'm gonna, I'm say right now, that's the best uniform in sports. Best unit, silver and black. Come on, man, you can't fuck with that. I swear to God, now that Al Davis has gone, if any douche comes along and fucks with that, emblem or those colors. You know, I felt bad for rate of fans, is they were holding those signs up once again. Stay in Oakland. You know what I mean? Why do they put those fans through that shit? You know what I mean? Fucking babies, man. You started in Oakland, they love you. Why don't you pony up and fucking give a little bit of money towards your own fucking stadium,

you asshole instead of holding your fan base hostage like that. So ridiculous, what the fuck they put those fans through, you know? Anyways, we're 20 years. Yeah, we're gonna leave, go fuck yourself. So anyways, I'm watching and they're playing the Cardinals and they were showing the first female coach Then the first female referee and then you know, I'm watching Fox and they had ladies night where they had the women all you know

anchors and all that type of stuff and Now that women are and then you know that down on the fucking, bugging the coaches as they're running into the locker room, I'm gonna say just as a male football fan. Now that you guys have completely infiltrated the fucking league, you're basically at all levels. I know you're still gonna, oh, we're not an owner. Whatever, you're gonna keep complaining all the way up to the top.

Can you do me a favor? Just do me this favor. Can you not ruin it? Can you do that? Can you not ruin it the way you fucking ruin? You've ruined every guy's only thing, whether it was sexist or not. You know what I mean? I don't give a fuck that you're in the league.

I don't give a fuck that you're coaching, that you're ref, and I don't give a fuck if you own a fucking team. I don't give a fuck. Just don't ruin it. Okay? Okay. Okay. Fucking learn how to roll with the joke. Learn how to just be one of the get learn how to be fucking cool. Just fucking do that. Just that's all I ask.

Don't fucking ruin it. Okay. Every 10s fucking seconds complaining. You know what I mean? But how your feelings got hurt all right Just fucking Learn how to laugh at yourself and be one of the guys and I mean that figuratively I don't mean that like in any sexist fucking way just don't fucking ruin it

Not Jesus. What are the fucking odds? What are the odds that they're not gonna ruin it? You know what I mean and turn it into I swear God. My biggest fear is within 10 years the combination of All the women that they're now going to add into the league which they're not doing because they like women They're doing it because of the Ray Rice thing. They got to turn it around That's how bad Roger Goudal fucked up so bad with that Ray Rice thing Only suspending that guy for four fucking games out of the gate when he knocked his fiance out and dragged her down the hall like a fucking caveman. They fucked, he fucked that thing up so goddamn bad.

Do you realize that within one football season, he fucking suspends Tom Brady for four games for absolutely nothing and there's the first female head coach. I mean, I coach. Oh, he fucked that thing up so bad. That way he, this is the way he had to overcompensate so he could keep his $40 million a year job. So anyways, yeah. Just don't be like, just please for the love of God. You know that broad that makes everything about herself, don't be that fucking person, all right? Just please don't fucking do that.

My biggest fear is that within 10 fucking years, with all this, this, you know, talk about concussions and all that and all the women that they're gonna, now, you know, the floodgates are open, they're going to add into the league. My biggest fear is that like within 10 years, they're going to be playing two hand touch or flag football. And it's just, it's just going to be over. It's just going to be over. You know what I mean? I just, I don't know. Just don't ruin it.

Can you not do that? I'm like, even like out here, I can some fucking, like, I'm in a long time ago, like, in the writers room of this one show, right? They were on like the fucking eighth season. And they're sitting around trying to come up with storylines for characters that they've written for, for well over a hundred episodes. At that point, you're out of ideas. That's usually when you have a character getting married, they have a baby, the cousin comes to town like Oliver.

The Brady Punch, they did so many episodes, they had like nine characters on that show. Three boys, three girls, mom and dad, and Alice. And then Alice had to get a boyfriend, and it just kept going and going and going. They became a music group, they went to Hawaii, they went to the Grand Canyon, and when they were finally out of fucking ideas, this fucking kid Oliver, the seventh kid, the tenth character shows up. the fuck was he they did one whole episode that was about an entirely different family that adopted a white kid a black kid and an an Asian kid like they would just out of fucking ideas so anyways to show

that I'm not gonna name They're in the writers room. They eight nine seasons in and they're like they're at that point where they got to go to Hawaii Or they got to go to the Grand Canyon or add Oliver. So they're sitting around trying to come up with new storylines So one of the writers is a joke Suggest that one of the characters rapes the other character and plop plop plop which is totally over the top and fucking absurd and there was a woman in the writers room and she fucking sued. You know what I mean?

Like he's making wider. Is he, is he really, Jesus, he's really gonna sit there and take that literally in a comedy writing room. That's what I mean. That's what I'm talking about. That's my big fear is that's gonna happen. It's like, no, any sort of ball breaking will have to be done with it. Like I'm just picturing guys in the locker room having to look over this shoulder before

they make some stupid fucking joke. You know, just imagine Ken Stable are whispering a joke in a locker room. Can you even picture that? That's what I'm worried about. It's got to ruin it. It's going to definitely have an impact in a good way, but also a negative way. I just don't understand, like, but I'm truly asking this. I'm not saying this is like, maybe you guys think I'm a fucking pig here. I'm just asking, is there anything guys can just have? They can just be guys only that won't be considered like some sort of illuminati sexist fucking

thing that's holding women down? Can they, is there a place where guys can just hang out and not have to look over their shoulder and worry about offending somebody. You know what I mean? Where is our brunch? That's going to end up happening. Guys are going to have to start going to brunch.

You know, and then what's going to happen is if they have a guy's only brunch, it's going to annoy women on some level and eventually they're going to have to go there just because we say that they can't. It's fucking unreal. They have all women gyms. I don't give a fuck. I don't try to show up there. My speed goes go, oh, I should be able to use an elliptical in here too. You know, I mean, I don't know. I'm also saying this too as a worker B. I don't run any company by the way before you get all fuck out Jesus Christ. What do you guys do? Anyway, so let's plow ahead. Ladies, just don't fucking ruin it. Okay, please don't do that. Like you're ruined titty bars. I used to a bit about that. You know, women just

started going to titty bars and then they would look over at you and be like, this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. And I was like, yeah, because you're here. Leave. And it'll get a, it'll get fucking crazy again. Everybody's on their best behavior because moms here. All right. Let's, let's plow a head here. Donald Trump. All right. Bill, people are getting seriously worried about Trump. I see very liberal friends of mine making posts, yearning people to not mention his name because it'll just perpetuate what they believe would be the downfall of the country.

I get that he's a bit out there, but even if he did get elected, how bad could it be? I'm sure some of your listeners alike my paranoid friends. Should they be worried? Should they be worried? Should they be worried that an absolute dope would be in the White House? How did you like George W. Bush? How did you like that guy? Did you enjoy when he was in the office? When you had a guy who couldn't complete a fucking it couldn't get through a sentence without stuttering and he sounded like me That was a bit of a ado. I just said I like George W. Bush You know why he makes me feel like I could be president too. That was a bit of a ado. I used to say I'd like George W. Push. You know why? He makes me feel like I could be president too.

That's literally what I felt like. I was like, I went to summer school with this guy. Like the president shouldn't give a guy like me hope. You know what I mean? That's all that I'm saying. And I got to be honest with you, the simplistic way that this guy talks about major things, like just bombing people in the Middle East,

and the way he talks about Mexicans, and stuff like that, there's something about him that he's very cartoonish, so I think it's very easy to think that he isn't like a bad thing, but that thing there, where he told that guy from the Latino guy, he's a citizen of the country and when they're escorting him out, that fucking white guy goes, get out of my country. What kind of an adult says that? Get out of my country? Like it's his sandbox?

I mean, it's not necessarily Trump. It's the kind of people that gravitate towards that guy and As much as I've loved his honesty. Let's forget about all the racist shit the guy has said I just I Be even if he wasn't racist like he doesn't have The intellect for that job. You know what I mean? I mean, he's talking about the guy fucking, he hosts a reality show.

As much as he runs around talking about this empire he has, I don't buy it. It's like if he truly had all the money he had and truly had all the success he had, would he really have time to decide if if fucking Shinae Eastern or or Lindsay Davenport is gonna make us better CEO for this company that doesn't even fucking exist? You know what I mean? The one thing I will say is I've loved his honesty and that he sticks to what the fuck he's gonna say

And I hope it encourages more politicians to be honest, but at the end of the day you have to have somebody in there that has The pedigree. I mean come on dude like look at a Donald Trump dude. Okay, just imagine him Is he's he's somebody in the NFL draft as a quarterback. All right. Can this guy make all the throws? How's his footwork? Is he patting the ball? If his number one receiver is covered, is he really going to have the calmness in his head when he's standing in the pocket and it's closing in to check down to receivers two three and four I don't think he is I don't think he's presidential material, but

The fact that the the kinds of people that he's stirring up like racists People who say get out of my country He's kind of making pat you can and look like Like John Denver um it's kind of making pat you can and look like uh... like john denver ha ha ha ha ha so um... i don't think you're you're i think you're underreacting as much as your friends are overreacting

uh... i don't think any one person has the ability to uh... be the downfall of the country obviously. He doesn't have that level of power. And I actually think if he did get elected, that both Republicans and Democrats would resent him, and I don't think that they would work with him the same way if somebody from one of, you know, the third party's got elected, they just wouldn't work with them because it would be great for their own argument that if you elect a guy from this party or if you elect a guy like this, see he can't get anything done. And they would act like a bunch of babies, Republicans and Democrats,

because it's really not about doing what's right for American people. It's about winning. That's all they give a fuck about. It's the same way why I want watching like a debate on CNN or Fox or or any of those shows even like Bill Marshall real-time which is kind of outside of that shit so much of watching that when you listen to people argue they're not listening to the other person they're thinking about their next point and they just want to win and I I don't know, I find all of that shit like it gives me a headache. It's kind of like, I don't know, like my fucking wife watches

those goddamn reality shows all the time, you know? Come home and it's just like 10 women screaming at each other, right? And then it's bad enough she watches that show. Then she watches the show with that dude there. Whatever his fucking name is. And then it's like they do the recap of the series. And then that fucking guy, he just brings up all the bad shit that they set about each

other and stirs them up all over again. And it's like, why the fuck would I want to sit here and want to listen to 10 women screaming in each other? For the life of me, I'll never understand why my wife watches that shit. And it's like, why the fuck would I want to sit here and want to listen to 10 women screaming in each other? For the life of me, I'll never understand why my wife watches that shit, you know? Of all the shit out there that, you know, making women look bad, like those fucking shows where they're just walking around with their dumb, with their fucking horseshoes, like they're going down to the club and they're still 21 trying to get a boyfriend. And they're in their 50s, it it's like when are you gonna grow up? Get yourself some flats. Give you a toast of break for the last 30 years of your life you know. Alright passion for cars. Dear Bill my dad has an older Porsche 911. He's

currently restoring, he's currently restoring and hopes to pass, pass it on to me someday. Wow man your dad's fucking cool. He goes, I don't exactly share the same passion and knowledge of, ah! That's the worst. Are you rebelling against your dad? He goes, I don't exactly share the same passion for our knowledge for cars, especially when it comes to porches.

He takes a lot of pride in the work he puts into it. I'm the same way with my hobbies. Can you make his passion for classic cars relatable to a guy who is perfectly content driving in 04001. Can you describe what it's like to go through your what goes through your mind when you look at a classic car, the feelings and the emotions. Jesus Christ, can you give me more of a difficult task? You obviously, you don't have a passion for it. What goes through my mind?

It's not even what goes, it's a feeling. When you're looking at a piece of art, like I think cars right through like Right through this. I was talking to Rogan about that. Rogan was fucking hilarious The other night a summit comedy store and Joe Rogan said that American cars they made the best-looking cars right up through the 1960s and then on it turned on a dime and from like the mid-70s on made the ugliest fucking cars ever for like I don't know 10 or 15 years,

barring a couple two or three. So what I consider classic cars are early 70s all the way back and then there's a few cars from like the 80s that remind me like oh my buddy had one of those and we got shit faced and stuff like that. I can tell you this now that I got my truck 68 F-100 off fixed up rebuilt engine new exhaust system all the lights on it work except the interior light when I open the door. The radio light works, the brakes work, fucking starts right up. When I'm driving down the street and I'm running through the gears shifting on the column, I got my arm hanging out the window. I can't, it's not a describable feeling.

You either love that or you don't. And I was sitting the other night at a red light listening to my truck idling. And I am hard pressed to think of a better sound that I've ever heard. When you're just sitting at a length, going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah It's just the greatest. Do you either have that in your blood or you don't? And the fact that your dad is in the porches, I always felt that the people who are into the European stuff,

specifically the performance cars, like the guys that I've run into that are into them are usually, you know, I'm not trying to shit on Americans here, but they're highly intelligent. And, you know, just'm not trying to shit on Americans here, but they're highly intelligent. And, you know, just like the car refined, and there's like, what I would do, I would read up on those cars, I'd read up on Formula One Racing.

You know, I read this great book called The Limit, I just don't think you're gonna be into it, but it kind of talks about Formula One Racing at its peak when you can, when somebody like died every other race, and it talks about the Italians, the Germans, and the English racing teams of that time. I don't know. Watch some old movies. Was it Steve McQueen, or was it Paul Newman that did the Le Mans movie movie I want to say it was Steve McQueen. I know you're either into it or you're not like this This car is out there that I just look at like why why do they stop making this design? Like I swear to God the the two doors sedan like

Like those GTOs the like those GTOs, the Ford galaxies, the Pontiacs, the Buick, the Tudor fucking sedans that they had those long with the long trunks, they were the meanest looking fucking sedans, they were just the baddest looking fucking cars. I just look at them, like, what the fuck, why did the fuck would you stop making that?

I mean I learned on the sign felt shows because about safety that they all the cars today like the car that you drive if I look at that real quick I can't tell a difference between that and a fucking Lexus or they all look like dinner rolls to me Before you give up on it. I would say actually go rent a classic car. Do you understand how the whole thing works, how the engine works and all that? Once you learn how that works, the brilliance of it, and then if you just read up on racing and all the stuff that they do just to try to get another hundredth of a second, maybe that'll light the fire, but I don't think I can help you. If you don't have a problem driving an 0-4 high-yunday a long-tra, I don't think there's any, you know,

and you know what, to be honest with you, there's nothing wrong with it. If you're not into it, I'm not gonna sit there and force my passion onto you. But I will say, you know, if your dad ever wants to hang out, let me know, because I'd love to see that car. All right, sunglasses. Dear Bill, my wife told me I look stupid and aviators because I'm 34 years old and not in high school.

Ah, God, that's just the fucking worst. Can you imagine if you ever said that to her? Hey, you look bad and spaghetti straps. You're not fucking 21 anymore. How long before she'd even remotely consider fucking you again? Anyways, he goes, I'm not going to send you a picture, but I really don't look bad in them. They don't look too flashy.

I never once heard anyone say anything I've been wearing them so long that it blew my mind that it was something that bothered her, what? The fuck kind of sentence is that. They don't look too flashy and I never once heard anyone say anything, period. Oh, you're not using capitals, this helps me. I've been wearing them so long that it blew my mind that it was something that bothered her.

I think she doesn't like that they are youthful and she sees me in pictures in college wearing them and assumes that I put them on. I'm going to start boozing during the day and banging soft sixes. Those days are behind me. She's being insecure, right? Yeah, she's being an asshole. She's being an asshole. Dude, 88 is a great. There's nothing wrong with them. They're cool sunglasses and you look cool in them. It'd be one thing if you were wearing like Z-Cava reaches or I don't know Something else that's out of style that I can't really think of at this moment, but uh, no, she's being an asshole She's actually she. Yeah, she's being insecure

Look, dude, if you were out of shape and you was still wearing a tank top and you had grandmother arms, she's looking out for you. You know what I mean? But I'd have to see them. Are they old? But it's not like aviators ever fell off, really. They're classic sunglasses. I think you should still wear them. And I think there is a thing that when you're in a relationship, if you're not careful, there's a part of you that can say something that comes from a place that isn't isn't positive. It could come from a place of like insecurity or resentment. I would guess you probably look cool in them. You're driving down the street and maybe that bothers you. I have no idea, but I mean, that's pretty pedestrian. A parat aviators, I mean, that's like a pair of blue jeans. I mean, that's those things are timeless.

I don't know what a problem is. What does she want you to wear those fucking old people wrap around glasses? So she can feel okay that you're not going down to the fucking fruit store and banging the chick behind the counter. I don't know. Yeah fuck her. I'd still wear the glasses. I just say listen I like them. I like them. And you know I don't make fun of your sports bras. What is that supposed to be? All right, computer. Hey Bill, I don't own a computer anymore. Some people downgrade their phones.

Ari Shafir did so, and he said he's loving not having all the distractions of a phone in his pocket. I went the other way. I'm here to tell you that it is an absolute pain in the ass. I know you've never suggested not owning a computer at all, but boy oh boy, do I wish I had a shitty computer as opposed to no computer. I don't know what I was thinking.

I should have gotten rid of my phone. When I read on my laptop, what? When I read on my laptop, it's usually informative stuff. My question is, do you think you could go without a computer or a smartphone, assuming you would record in a podcast studio, and Nia could handle anything you really needed. I could definitely downgrade my phone.

I could definitely do that. And I'm definitely an addict when it comes to that type of stuff. You know, looking at my phone. I wish I never went from a flip phone to a smartphone. I wish I never did that. I will tell you, now that I'm doing a show, you know, right in this show, and there's new drafts and that type of stuff

that's constantly being emailed to me and everything. And, or somebody just emailed some notes, people communicate through email. So if I couldn't get emails on my phone, I'd have to kind of be walking around. So I think at this point, I'm kind of married to it in a way. I mean, I guess I could do the phone thing. But a computer, I couldn't do that. No. I love going on the internet and every thought I had, I can look up information on it. I love having that. I just don't like the... I don't like having to download new operating systems that fill up my computer and make my computer

that totally work fine all of a sudden obsolete. And I know part of that is progress, but I think that a lot of it is pushing the herd towards having to get rid of these things that, you know, who's getting who or anything that you throw out unless it's biodegradable, which a computer certainly is, and it really hurts the environment. And I think, you know, I don't like being a part of that, but I am in the herd, man, when the herd stamp stampede I kind of got to run with it. I guess I could do I could not do the phone thing. I could definitely do that. I've done shit before you know in the late 90s a couple times I got rid of cable and that type of thing and

it was pretty cool and I had an amazing amount of free time but I got to tell you dude I fucking missed sports like you wouldn't believe but um i don't know as i've gotten older i watch a lot less tv but maybe that's because i got replaced by being on the computer a lot more i don't fucking know anyways pool or vacation home bill simple question my wife and i are debating the pros and cons of having a pool installed versus buying a home up in main. They're actually not far and cost by the time you dig through all the rock in my New Hampshire backyard. What are your thoughts here? I know you don't have a pool so maybe you could

tell me what you would do. I'd buy the house. I'd buy the house because that's going to increase in value. I would think more so than the pool and you live in New Hampshire and even with global warming. how much how many months out of the year can you use the pool? You can't rent out your pool and earn money off of it. You can't you know in a pinch just sell off your pool to save your house up in Maine you could. I would say buy the house in Maine and then with the money that you're earning by renting that out up in Maine, I would

fucking use that money towards home improvements in your place in New Hampshire like having a pool. There you go. There you go. There's your financial tips from a stand-up comedian. Why would you listen to me when it comes to that shit? All right, that's the podcast for this week, everybody. Oh, man, I gotta say the name of this fucking drummer that this person sent to me. Jesus Christ. I gotta tell you something, dude.

I've been taking these lessons, right? And I am seeing, seeing like such a fucking improvement in my playing and I was really feeling great about it and then all of a sudden you know I know I'm not a professional drummer but you know your hobby you want to get better at it it's fucking makes you feel good, right? And then somebody sent me this fucking video. I gotta make sure Lee Pearson This drummer dude and this guy it

This fucking solo this guy does you would have thought a guy was playing it He was getting the he was going in the crowd going nuts like they will listen to a guitar solo And I'm sorry guitar soloist, you know the fucking deal. On those big shows, if you just fucking take a guitar, and you just go, bang, and look at the crowd, they all go, whew, gaw, they just do that fucking shit. Drums, everybody goes to the fucking bathroom during the drum solo, or a lot of people do, right?

This fucking guy had him going nuts. Like he was up there playing a rupture on guitar man. So I'm going to actually put this video up. I'm going to have that video that somebody sent me on Twitter, which I really appreciate. My home same is last name, right? Lee Pearson. Jesus Christ, what a fucking beast on drums. And then also, you know, I've talked before, you guys know I love Italians, right? You got to know that at this point,

and I love their food, you know, so I am a closet Italian when it comes to, you know, a lot of shit. And so I'm, you know, when I get through this whole diet thing, I've always wanted to try and make it like a Sunday gravy, which is basically, you just pick three, four meats that you want to brown up in a pan. You make some fucking meatball and then you throw it all in a fucking tomato sauce and you slow cook it and then you make some pasta and then you just fucking, it's just, they throw like fucking spare ribs in there, meatballs, sweet Italian pasta and then you just fucking, they throw like fucking spare ribs in there, meatballs, sweet Italian sausage, and then crazy shit like Anthony Bourdain had like fucking ox tail and like that more traditional lower grade meats in there that you have

to cook a long time really slow to get the flavor and get them to like be tender. I can't wait to fucking do that. But this guy, I sent the video to Farsi. Fucking hilarious. Well, first of all, let you know, the YouTube, it opens with one of the worst songs I've ever heard in my fucking life. But when you watch this fucking guy, this Italian guy go into the grocery store, you have to see the look on his face when he's getting his ingredients. The look on his face, like ingredients. The look on his face, like Germans have had less serious looks on their faces, trying to win world wars. And this guy is just picking out fucking garlic. And like, he's fucking like the look of intensity. I was crying laughing. And this is what my appreciation

of Italians is being German, mostly German and Irish. Scottish, I got English Dutch, French and all that, but I'm mostly, you know, German Irish and the complete lack of giving a fuck when it comes to the food, like watching like Italians, how much they give a shit I Literally I'm crying laughing Because it it just I don't just it's so comical compared to what I'm used to wear if everything was fucking boiled Salt and pepper and you just turned it on high and cooked the shit out of it Now I know that there was some good Irish cuisine and German cuisine before I got listen all you fucking that there was some good Irish cuisine and German cuisine before I got to listen to all your fucking bitch moaning

and complaining, but don't even try to remotely act that there's any dish in Scotland, Ireland, England, the Netherlands, Germany, I can't say France because they have some good food. But all those other countries, there's not one, all of your best dishes combined can't fuck with, with just just a fucking bowl of pasta and some sauce in Italy. You know it's true. I know it's true.

So I'm watching this guy making this fucking thing and it's, it's a bunch of older guys and I love old guys with their corny fucking jokes like one of them he was making some marriage joke he goes hey you know when you get married there's the three rings there's the engagement wing and the engagement ring the wedding ring and the suffering and then I'll fuck a lot I love old guy corny fucking jokes and he's having his buddies over and he makes this unbelievable fucking meal and they all sit down eating it and then they all talk about like this reminds me of my mother's cooking. This is as good as my mother's and

like that's like the highest level compliment. The whole fucking thing is just awesome and you got to watch this video. and it doesn't even look that difficult as far as like the ingredients are that difficult it's of course all about the way that you season it and the guys catch phrases as he's doing it just keeps looking at the camera he goes blah blah blah blah and that's all the flavor and they look at the camera he's like how you doing you know and he does it like 50 times it's funny the first seven times and then it starts getting old and then he just keeps doing it so many fucking times that it literally becomes funny again. I don't know. It just made me want to I got to go I got to go to Italy at least go to little Italy something.

Anyways, so anyways, that's a podcast for this week. Can I say anyways? Any more times? That's a podcast for this week. Thank you guys for listening. Hey, don't sleep on that Michigan Utah game on Thursday. You know Utah is going to come out and try to break fucking Michigan's heart and be like, no, it's going to be more the same. And I know there's a lot of people that come from pro football cities that don't watch college football. You got to get into it, man. Just pick an SEC team. I always watch the LSU Tigers and I'm going watch I'm gonna try to watch some Auburn games this year too. I'm so fucking psyched. So fucking psyched and in the middle of all that is football's going on. The pennant

races are getting tighter and you got two weeks of the US open the last major of the year. Okay, if you're bitching this time of year, I don't I can't fucking help you. I can't help you. Go hang out with that dude who can't appreciate the classic cars. Why did I take a dig at you? I'm sure you're into something else that I'm not into. You probably like those, I don't know, those X-Men movies.

I'm such a concierge. All right, go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you next week. The mighty of reason. Oh, I want to ride the car.

Oh, I want to ride the car. Oh, I want to ride the car. I want to cry Wanna go home, wanna go home She seems to be stronger But what they want Up to begin in the week She could play pretend She she could drive the game or more She could be a dark girl You