Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-12-24

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Bill calls in sick. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (00:19) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 9-12-16 - Bill rambles about football, strip clubs, and quitting on stage. (57:02) - Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks Week 2

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. I'm really sick, man. Sick and tired. The bullshit. No, I don't know. I don't have COVID. I took the test. I just have a really bad headache and I feel like shit. So I'm not doing the podcast today. I'll make it up to you. All right. So quit your fucking life. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, September 12th, 2016. What's going on? How are you?

This wonderful, wonderful football Monday fucking morning. I'm actually recording this Sunday afternoon. I think I'm going to be doing this in like two different chunks. I'm going to do it before my show and after my show because I got to travel tomorrow and the podcast would be later than it usually is. So unfortunately, because I've been on the road, I have not seen the UFC event yet.

So I know some people asked me if I was going to be talking about it I definitely will very excited to watch it, but I will not see it until Won't be able to talk about it until Thursday's podcast. So Sorry to all the fight fans who like to listen to me In the my usual ignorant completely not knowing what the fuck I'm talking about way Talk about that fucking great sport. So having said that, it finally just dawned on me

after living in Los Angeles since 2007, and also being there in the late nineties, it's finally dawning on me that we're actually finally going to have a NFL team out there, which is great, because maybe I can finally see my Patriots play without having to fucking fly somewhere. I could just go right down the goddamn streets, which would be tremendous for a man like myself sliding into 50 years old, 48 years old, man, I want to fucking do this.

I can't jump on another Southwest flight to watch Tom Brady pick apart yet another fucking defense in some godforsaken stadium. I want to go right down the street like an old man, right? Wearing my old man hat so I don't sunburn the top of my fucking bald head. It'd be tremendous. So, um, I also, I know that they're building them a stadium and I've just been so busy I haven't even fucking thought about it. And I'm like, wow, tomorrow night, Monday night football is going to be the Rams' first game in Los Angeles since like 1995. Where the hell are they playing this game?

Turns out they're back at the LA Coliseum, which is where they played when I was a kid, back when I used to watch Pat Hayden, Vince Ferragamo, that quarterback controversy, Wendell fucking Tyler, and then they also had the Youngbloods, Jim and Jack Youngblood, Jack playing the Super Bowl against the Pittsburgh Steelers, played it on a fucking broken leg. I mean, I don't know if it was a compound fracture, a hairline fracture, whatever, but his leg was fucking, was broken. Are they going to fucking play defense, you assholes?

Sorry, I got a game on in the background. I don't know why. I love the Giants, but I'm rooting for this kid on the Cowboys. You know, Dak Prescott, he's been pretty good so far, you know. You know, I'll tell you, you want me to do the fucking dumb analysis? I want to tell you what I like about this guy, he's standing in the parking, he's feeling the pressure, he's got the clock in his head, he's not rushing, he's looking at second and third options, okay?

What we're seeing here is not what we saw last year when so-and-so was in there and he had happy feet he was patting the ball he was telegraphed in his pants gives a fuck all I know is he's throwing the ball and guys with the same colored shirt are catching it and they're putting points on the board it's nine to seven currently and I'm enjoying it very much there you know Eli's gonna come back here he's gonna stomp his foot, he's gonna make a fucking audible. I love that Peyton Manning's fucking retired and I gotta look at his dumb face even more

because he's gonna be in every fucking commercial. God bless the guy. God bless him. You know, I should talk with my Charlie Brown head. What would you rather have? My Charlie Brown head or his number two pencil fucking neck and head that's a no. That's a rough one, you know, but he's got the full head of hair So you got to give him that right? He's a Hall of Famer. He's got plenty of fucking money. He owns part of Budweiser That's fucking asshole got destroyed me

You realize the ego on me that I actually just, I just fucking mentally measured myself to a hall of fame fucking quarterback as a what? A dick and shit joke telling comic and a host of a fucking podcast where I sit, I lie on the sit, I fucking lay down in God forsaken fucking hotels in the middle of nowhere. You know what I mean? I'm in Virginia right now, okay? The state that professional sports forgot. Virginia is such a fucking enigma.

You know what I mean? It's like, you're in the South, they don't have any professional teams, and then their college teams haven't made enough fucking noise. You know what I mean? Like if you're in South Carolina, they don't have a professional team,

but they got Clemson. They got the Gamecocks. Right up here you got Virginia, you got Virginia Tech. You know, no fucking disrespect, but you know, last time Virginia was on the map for me was when Ralph Sampson played center for your team. You know?

And I'm not into fucking Jamestown and this bearded fuck who came over here, you know, what do you mean Pocahontas? Then he chopped down some trees and he made the first drive-in movie theater and he put his fucking hand up or a little fucking Leather flap there whatever the fuck I'm not into with the first settlements. I don't give a shit. I don't care about Almost at Tom and Jerry Thomas Jefferson's house is his here. I know George Washington is. Like, I find that stuff just mind-numbingly boring. I don't know what it is. The Civil War is interesting to me. God knows they have some shit like that here, but I don't know. I haven't seeked it out. World War II, that's like,

that's the good fellows of fucking wars as far as I'm concerned. As far as, you know, the footage of it, you know, there's been enough of the stories documented, you know, they got Ken Burns, the war, he did that whole great thing on World War II. World War I fascinates me because nobody ever talks about it. You know what I mean? It's like the Godfather Part III. You know what I mean? Just like nobody really brings it up. Well, not really, because no one criticizes that, but they trash Godfather III.

I don't know what the fuck I'm saying, but the Revolutionary War, the war that basically got us away from England and allowed us to become What we are which is a tremendous Nation and also tremendously fucked up right, but whatever makes us what we are meatball sub have and fucking Country that we are it just bores me to tears. There's something about powdered wigs There's something about buckles on your hat. You know what I mean? There's just certain parts of history that either appeal to you or they don't.

And the fucking Revolutionary War, I could just give a fuck. You know what I mean? The Revolutionary War to me is like when you watch highlights of the NBA in the 1960s and people are taking set shots and diaper shots and everything's considered a carry and diaper shots and you know everything's considered a carry and nobody's dunking. I mean what is

exciting about a fucking war? We got a bunch of guys in redcoats standing up standing in line like like like they're doing a halftime show. Well you got a bunch of dirty filthy fucking Americans hiding behind trees picking them off. I just don't understand, it's just, I mean it's just a bad game plan to begin with. I like pirates. I don't know when the fuck did pirates end? I know recently there was a pirate movie because Tom Hanks made the movie.

I love how Tom Hanks is just like, if there's any sort of heroic act, it's like he has to play the part. I don't give a fuck if you're in space, all right? If there's a disease, he's done the disease. He's been lost in space. He's dealt with pirates. I'm sorry, my voice is fucked, pirates. He's fucking, he's dealt with pirates. I'm sorry, my voice is fucked, pirates. He's fucking, he's dealt with identity theft.

He's landed a plane in the Hudson River. You know what I mean? And he's great at all of it, but it starts to get to the point of like, who the fuck does this Tom Hanks think he is? You know, as much as he's doing all of this in the movies, has Tom Hanks ever rescued, even rescued a cat out of a tree? You know what I mean? I just don't understand where he gets off accepting all these roles. At some point, I mean, if I was him, I'd be like, I have to go out and go do something, something, you know what I mean? I gotta help an old lady cross the street.

Is that a weird thing to think? Like if I was like one of those action heroes, at some point I would have to learn how to fucking shoot a gun. I'd have to get in a bar fight and you'd have to win, you know, at some point. Or you just feel like, when you feel like an asshole on set, I at some point. Or you just feel like a,

when you feel like an asshole on set. I mean, how many times can you do that Bruce Willis look over your shoulder where you raise up one eyebrow and you just catch the camera crew looking at you and you know when they could all beat the shit out of you and you're sitting there in this fake third of a plane. Wright Rutter, or whatever the fuck you gotta yell. Yeah Bill, it's called acting,

you douchebag. Yeah, you know, I'm just fucking around. I love Tom Hanks. You know what I mean? He seems like a swell guy. He's very wholesome. You know what I mean? It's funny, he started off, you know, I don't think the religious Wright would have liked him, you know, when he was in the dress, but I think gradually he's become very, you know, appealing to the people on Fox News. He totally redid himself, like a lot of Republicans. A lot of Republicans start, at some point they're in a dress, right? And then they apologize and they say that it's the booze.

You know what I mean? And then they just get super hardcore into Jesus. Whereas your Democrats, they're in their bare feet in college walking around taking LSD and all that type of shit, you know, then they lie about it later. I mean, what I'm talking about, all I know is I just wish I could hit pause and never have this election happen. This has got to be, this is just, there's no winning. There's no fucking winning. But for the first time ever, I think I'm going to have to vote for one

of the two fucking leading candidates. I don't know, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Worst case scenario, you just deal with one of them for eight years. You know how long it's going to get Trump just to get somebody to fucking get the contract? That piece of shit will probably give it to his own company. Trump wall building. I love his name spelt out all over the fucking thing. Bill, why do you try to talk politics? You know you don't pay attention.

Alright, let's plow ahead. I was talking about the Rams here. And does anybody know, you know what's funny is I'm on their Wikipedia page and somebody hacked it. It's funny because the owner's name right now is little bitch and the head coach is get a new one. So I'm sure the rest of this stuff here is reliable. Teams history, now I actually knew this I got all this stuff in front of me. I knew some of this stuff. I did know because I am a fucking nerd when it comes to sports That the Rams initially started in Cleveland why they were called the Rams I have no fucking idea as far as I know there are no Rams I Don't know if there's any fucking Rams in the United States are there there's certainly not in Ohio

There's definitely some buffalo if you know what the fuck I mean. Fucking Midwestern people, do they ever not get seconds? You know what I mean? Look how they make their pizza there. Rams. Let's see here, Rams in the USA. If I had to guess, I would say maybe Montana. I don't even think they're in Colorado.

Who'd want to be around all those dirty hippies out there growing weed? I'm just fucking with you, God bless him. Ram USA. Do I literally have to write animal? Ram's USA animals. I was going to have a bunch of barefoot people at the fucking airport.

Big Horn sheep. Do you have to correct me every time you cunts? All right, big horn sheep, my mistake. Oh, hang on, that's room service. All right, I'm back. Jesus Christ, these fucking goddamn sheep are all over the place. They are in Colorado, they're in Wyoming, the western part of South Dakota, North Dakota, they are some fucking, the appendix that hangs off of

Baja, whatever the fuck you call it, that hangs off of California, they're down there. Nothing in Cleveland. All right, what the fuck was the point I was trying to make? So anyway, they were in Cleveland. All right, let's get the momentum going again here. It's 5.57, I gotta be at the fucking place by 6.30 here. I haven't showered, I haven't ironed my clothes. Does anybody know, do they have the record

for like moving the most? It's got to be for professional football team. They were the Cleveland Rams from 1936 to 1945. And then they moved to Los Angeles and they were there from 1946 to 1994. At some point they did play in Anaheim, I know that. And then 95 to 2015 they were the St. Louis Rams, and now they're back. So they have played one, two, three,

four different folk and places. Well, three different places, but they've moved two, three, four fucking times, right? Cleveland, that was one, two, three. No, they moved three times. But they've been in four different places. No, three different places, but they, they went from Cleveland, Los Angeles, St. Louis back

to Los Angeles. There you go. All right? How many fucking flights would that be? That's how many times they went. All right? And I told you, I used to watch them way back in the day. Eric Dickerson, you know?

Used to watch him. The fucking, who else did they have back then? John Robinson is the coach then, I remember that, the guy from fucking USC. But I'm psyched that they're playing in the LA Coliseum. To see an NFL game there is huge. I've obviously seen USC play there, but I never saw an NFL game. And that's huge to me because that's the sight of the first two Super Bowls. You know, the first of which didn't even sell out.

Wasn't even a Super Bowl, it was a title game. The NFL-AFL championship game, whatever the fuck they called it. So anyways, I think I'm sort of going to be a Rams fan. I'm not going to root against them, I'm not going to be a cunt here. I'll watch them, you know. Who do they play against? I mean, what the divisions are. When I was a kid, it was the Rams, the 49ers, the Saints, and somebody else was in the NFC West. The fuck was it? The Falcons. And then the central was Chicago, Detroit, Green Bay,

Minnesota, and Tampa. I'm still looking at the poster when I was a kid. I'm thinking of it. And then it was the fucking giants, cowboys, redskins, eagles, and cardinals. Right? And the AFC East was the Colts, the Patriots, the Bills, the Jets, and the Dolphins. Seattle was in the AFC West, I don't know, it's fucking nuts, they move it all around.

Now I don't even get it. I don't know why they keep switching it up, maybe because it was for travel. I have no idea, but all I know is I gotta get ready to go do my show, so through the magic of the pause button, you'll have to wait two seconds, but I'm gonna come back and have it it done my final show here in Richmond. I've been having a great time on this tour.

Todd Rex has been fucking destroying. And I want to thank everybody that came out to Charleston, South Carolina. We hit that cigar bar again. I haven't really worked out. I've eaten like okay or horrifically. I'm hoping, five days on the road, it's a rough one. Charlotte was great. Fucking Todd took me to this goddamn,

one of those mom and pop chicken places, right? Which was fucking delicious, but you know, like nine million calories. I didn't eat for the rest of the goddamn day after that place, but, so we went there and then this friend of ours who was down there took us over to the Charlotte Motor Speedway and they got this thing called the NASCAR Experience.

We could literally take this class and learn how to drive the car and all that, but we didn't have time to do that. So they had a NASCAR and they took us around the track doing about 165 miles an hour. Took me first and then Todd. And we sat in the passenger seat like Luke Duke and went around and I gotta tell you like this is the amazing thing because they try to keep the car so light you feel like you're in an absolute piece of shit I mean even like the the gas pedal the throttle was like

it was like the tiniest thing I've ever seen in my life it didn't even have the pedal on it any weight that they can get out of the car, they get out of the car. So all it was, I should have taken a picture of it. It looked like, it was like the thickness of a fancy coat hanger. And it kind of came up through the floor and then just went up and like started to make the letter F

but it didn't have that short little one. That's all it was. I'm like, your foot doesn't slip off that? And the kids just laugh and go, no, it doesn't. Some 21 year old kid flying around the fucking track, like 165 miles an hour. I got to be honest with you, I didn't do well through the first lap. And then I kind of settled into it. I don't mind going fast if I'm the one driving, but just sitting in a chair as someone else is going 165 miles an hour, that close to the wall was pretty goddamn intense.

But I want to thank everybody over at the NASCAR facilities for letting us do that. But I have to tell you instantly, the heat, the level of heat that was in that fucking car because it was a really hot day, I can't imagine with all those people watching, all of those other cars driving around the track, how fucking hot it gets. And also, you kind of get thrown around the car a little bit. Like I said, it's not like you're riding in a Lincoln Continental.

And I don't know, my biggest concern's smelling all those fumes and all that shit and just driving around. I'd probably get sick just driving in a circle. Like the level of concentration that it would take to just keep fucking doing that for two and a half hours or however long it takes. Maybe a while, I would just pull in the pit stop and just be like, yeah dude, I don't want to do this anymore.

I did it. Went around the block. How many fucking times I got to do this? I don't want to do this shit. Forget about actually hitting the wall. That's what I just kept thinking about. For some reason, I wasn't thinking about going in head first. I was thinking about if you got spun around and you went rear of the car in first, that's

how bad that would fuck up your back But it was cool we got to ask the driver, you know about some of his worst His worst wrecks and all that type of shit and then we went down and did the show and One of these nights I did like a fucking two-hour show. I think that was in Charlotte I gotta stop doing that. I'm supposed to get my act down to about an hour, 20 minutes, but I'm thinking this special's gonna be

somewhere between 120 and 130. Or maybe I'll get it down. I gotta start timing it though. But speaking of which, that happens right now, so I'm gonna hit the pause button. I don't even know why I tell you guys this, because there's gonna be no delay in your world. But I'm off to hit the pause button. I don't know why I tell you guys this because there's going to be no delay in your world. But I'm off to go do my show here in Richmond, Virginia.

Like I said, thank you to everybody who showed up on this tour. I've been having a great time. And you've been helping me get ready for my special. So thank you. And I guess I'll let you know how my show went in about two seconds. Alright, I'm back. Hey, I'm back. Show was amazing.

Amazing crowd, unbelievably beautiful theater. Todd Rex fucking murdered, and he told me guys, he told me to tell you this story. I can't believe I almost forgot this story it was such like a fucking Patrice moment it just so reminded me of something Patrice would have done we would after we did Charlotte know over there we drove all the way up to Norfolk Virginia which was like a five and a half hour drive and at my my age, I usually, the cutoff is four hours. Back in the day, I'd drive eight hours.

Then that became seven, and then the cutoff was, now it's just, if it's fucking four, I pass interference. 17, 14, Patriots. Sorry. Anyways, so we were fucking exhausted, right? So we walk into the hotel to check in, and this cute girl, right? She's like 21, 22, adorable, just right out of college, just sitting there, right?

And we check in, right? And she, before she, you know, she's handling the stuff, she's getting all the shit ready, like, she's going like, okay. Just tell you about the hotel You know we have a restaurant here. It's Italian food. It's open from his time to this time Especially is a blah blah blah blah blah. It's part of this but other there on the second floor is the gym Second floor the gym, but blah blah blah on the top floor is this but do do do if you want to do this But she goes this big long speech, and she's right in the middle of speech and Todd's behind me and I just hear him just go just give us the keys.

I fucking died. I put my head down on the desk. She was so shocked that he said it but it was such a classic Patrice thing because I was thinking I don't want to hear all of this shit I'm not gonna remember all this stuff. I'm fucking exhausted. I just want to Just the way he says it it always feels like this Archie bunker thing. He goes just give us the keys And the poor girl she didn't know what to do She never you know she was younger

so it took a life felt bad because it took like a minute for her to sort of regroup and Then just realized that we were two silly older guys, and then she laughed and then said Todd was rude but oh my god, I haven't laughed like that in a long time and it really Reminded me of Patrice which was crazy because tonight you know his mom came out to the show and his sister, and I hadn't seen that, but it was really just, it was just the synergy.

So anyways, let's plow ahead here with the podcast. You know what would be fucking amazing in this first week here is if the Patriots win, because I think I just saw the Colts lost. And I love Andrew Luck, and I actually like the Colts and everything like that. I just obviously, you know, the severity of this fucking stupid ass thing, it would be nice to see them lose a couple of games. If we have the same record.

But another thing too is I don't want the Colts to shit the bed, because I'm hoping we're going to make the playoffs and I want to play them again and see what their fucking excuse is going to be when we kick their ass again. And I'm saying we because I don't play for the team. I should really be like, hopefully we beat them. Who the fuck knows? But I don't know.

I mark my words in the history of sport like this will go down as one of the most ridiculous fucking suspensions after a while. And I'll tell you why, because I was literally just watching when I was trying to find this game. They had a thing on the Celtics and that time Dennis Rodman said if Larry Bird was a black guy, he was a very, very good basketball player, but if he was a black guy, he'd just be another good player. And then they asked, what is his face?

Isaiah. And Isaiah was like, yeah, I'd have to agree. And how that whole thing blew up and blah, blah, blah, blah. So now it's like 30 years later, and now they're actually saying, well, you know, they're actually kind of defending Isaiah, not saying what he said was right, but they're looking at it like, Isaiah, unfortunately, in that time, he said the wrong thing about the wrong white guy. Now, it's much more like measured how they're looking at it. I think that'll happen for fucking Tom.

I hope so. I just said for Tom, like I was part of his fan club. I hope that happens for Tom, like I was part of his fan club. I hope that happens for Tom. Anyways, just an absolutely incredible run. I'm telling you, people sleep on the South. They really do. How fucking great it is down here. But like I said, I've never been tailgated the way I was tailgated from fucking South Carolina up to Charlotte

and Charlotte over to Norfolk, Norfolk over to fucking Richmond. They get down to these two lane highways and I'm telling you, it's like a NASCAR race. They're right on your ass there. So anyways, I got to do a couple. Unfortunately, I have to read out loud. I know you guys get a nice fucking enjoyment out of this. Let me just knock these things out, because I'm going to go down the street and have a sass-parilla with Todd Rex.

Jesus fucking Christ, he murdered on this. People went out to my show, was I lying about that guy? How funny is he? He's so fucking silly too. Silly is one of my favorite things ever. So anyways, here we go. Oh Jesus. All right. Okay, let's get back to the podcast here.

All right, what's 21 and 12 everybody? Why that's 33 minutes? I think it's time. I think it's time, nice stiff arm too, shit. I think it's time to do some, let's do some questions here for the week. All right, Mother Teresa. Oh, Jesus, Mother Teresa. She's up there rubbing Jesus' head at this point. Hey there, Billy Angel tits. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You creative cunts. Hey there, Billy Angel tits.

You creative cunts. Way back when you talked about Mother Teresa, I don't even remember this, and how overrated she was, you didn't like her quotes that the US was morally bankrupt and that the poverty of spirit in the US was the worst poverty she's seen, including the hunger poverty in India. Yeah, I don't like people who don't live here talking shit about my country. If you want to shit on the US and you live here, I don't have a fucking problem with that.

I do have a problem with the fact that the Cardinals almost just scored there. Yeah, then shut the fuck up, you know what I mean? Why would you talk shit about another country? I mean, I do it, but that's just because I want to sell tickets there. You talk a little bit of trash, I'm selling the fight, that's all. Wow, what a battle between Butler and Fitzgerald, huh? He's hanging in there, he's hanging in there.

Oh, we should have caught that. All right, sorry, I'm going to stop watching the game. Sorry, I'm gonna stop watching the game. No, I'm not, but I'm gonna stop talking about it. How about that? All right. All right, so I didn't like her talking shit about the country. Well, now she's gonna be a saint. There are plenty of documentaries of things she did that had negative effects. Any thoughts on the old lady? Come back to Seattle.

Well, here's the deal. When somebody gets made a saint, it's not because they did nice things. First and foremost, you had to make the Catholic Church money. Is that who she works for? And what she did by going around with all these poor people was she was like out in the field. You know what I mean? She's like that cop that never wanted to have a desk job, wanted to be out on the beat, be there with the people. But the whole time she's selling that religion.

And it made them millions and millions of dollars. It took millions and millions and millions of dollars out of these poor people's hands, you know, to basically invest in a fucking theory that has no, you know has no proof to it whatsoever. Basically invest all this money in... Ah, you son of a bitch. Oh, that's Fitzgerald. He's 11. I thought he was 15.

I'm a fucking dope. Nice catch. God damn it, he's a great player. Ah, shit. What the fuck's the score now? I would really, I like the Cardinals man, but I would really love the Patriots to win just because of Koltzloff. Look at the guys almost looking upside down. Bounces it on his finger. Does he have control? Does he make a football move? Yes, he fucking caught it. If they take this thing away, I swear to God, what does the guy have to do?

Did he secure it up against there? Yeah, so I think she's the same. You know, she, you know, she won. Look, even if she fucked over the poor, she still would be down there, and some of, basically, who's kidding who, some of the stinkiest, smelliest parts of fucking humanity, because, you know, when you have that level of poverty, of poverty, and they don't have running water and stuff,

people are just shitting everywhere. That alone, the fact that if you have access to first world plumbing, if you go into the third world to try to help those people out, yeah, I think you are a saint. I would think so. Granted, she sold them the whole fucking bill of goods there for the mass murdering child raping entity, but other than that, I mean, so, you know, when those people say you're a saint, does that really mean something? I'm going to be honest with you, I have no fucking idea what she did.

I know she was like Alicia Keys and she didn't wear makeup. I do know that. I don't think she could play the piano. Yeah, I have no idea. I do know that I don't think she could play the piano Yeah, I have no idea Well now she's gonna be a saint look she's dead. You know I made fun of when she was alive now She's dead. I think I can leave her alone all right lobster anesthesia old Billy red lobster Red you know I've never eaten at a red lobster. I just never had the courage to fucking eat fast food, seafood.

It always seems like if anything's going to give you food poisoning, it's going to be the bottom feeders of the ocean. We're already eating the fecal matter there. The only time I've ever been to a Red Lobster, I actually performed there. Remember, a long time ago, I did a stand-up show in a Red Lobster with this fucking hilarious comedian Julie Barr and a couple other people. It was just one of those shows early in my career where you're going in there and everybody on the show, before we go up, we all know we're

going to take a fat one. It's going to be difficult. And you're just laughing. You just stand there going, this is fucking impossible. This family's here. Are we allowed to curse? What's going to happen? People got bibs on.

They're trying to navigate this fucking little red dinosaur on their plate. How the hell are they going to listen to me? I suck when they're paying attention, you know? So anyways, let's get back to red lobster here. There actually is a method that is supposed, and he said, I'm no lobster neurobiologist to numb lobsters before you boil them. You stick the lobster in the freezer for a few minutes

before slicing it through the brain. The freezer is supposed to be the most humane way because at least when people start to freeze to death, they eventually feel a warmth go over them and they start to become unconscious. Supposedly, this helps the flavor because the anesthesia decreases the stress hormones release compared to the dude being boiled while conscious or having its brain chopped in half like the obituary song. Hope this helps and have a blessed day. Fuck oh. Um, if you stick a lobster in a freezer for a few minutes, it's just going to freeze. It's just going to be really cold and be miserable, and then you're going to stick it in the fucking

hot water. I just, I, you know something? I'm never eating lobster again. Okay? They do enough bad shit to chicken and cows and stuff. I don't need to add this. It's just so fucked up. I was watching this thing on this French restaurant, and this guy takes these live lobsters and puts them over an

open flame. It's just like, I always go back to that time I watched that chimpanzee catch that smaller monkey and he stood on the thing and he just started just digging into its back pulling its back meat out as this thing was screaming. It's just like killed, we're fucking animals, man. There's no fucking reason to do that, man. I still think what I'm saying is better. You just take a little lobster bat, you bash it over the head, immediately, unconsciously. Like if someone hit you in the head

as hard as they could with the bat, you're not gonna feel any pain, you're not even gonna fucking remember it. You're not even going to fucking remember it. You can't do that to those things. I don't know. It just seems wrong. All right. So it's 21-20 and we just took a fucking sack.

Nice play. God damn it. Bull Rush Jones right up the fucking middle. Give us the old right there, Fred. But you know what? Look at fucking Jimmy Garofalo here. Garofalo. He's doing great.

We're hanging in there. Cardinals are no slouches, right? Did they almost go to the Super Bowl last year? Wow, we even held on that play. Gave a little spin move. All right, grumpy Billy Goat terrorizes town. All right, evidently I'm supposed to watch this. All right, I to watch this.

Alright, I'll watch it. Here we go. With my hotel internet. Oh this is great. I love goats. There was just two people on a scooter. This fucking thing just knocks them over. Oh watch it lady. You gotta feel the backside pressure. Backside pressure. Get rid of the ball. Get rid of the ball. Are you looking for the Tom Brady fucking treatment? Yeah, that's it. No flag there

Come on you UFC. You can't kick when they're down Look at this guy coming in. There you go front kick front kick. Oh, he's going like what's his face there? Come on man, what do I root for here? This is this is it. You know what? Come on, I want the guy in the striped shirt. There you go, kick that motherfucker, you lady. This thing's a pimp. Should have kicked it right in its fucking udder. Dude, I would grab that thing by its fucking head.

Is that a cop? That's hilarious. This is definitely another country. That was a cop here that fucking shoot it. He loves that dude in the striped shirt. This guy's going to slip and fall and crack his head. Dude, he runs like a girl. Come on, man. That was interesting. I like that. I love goats, man. The thing is, you can't show any fear, man. I like how that guy was trying to give them the front kicks, like the Anderson Silver, right?

All right. I don't know why the fuck would I watch that. You guys can't see it, right? Well, you know what? Grumpy Billy Goat Terrorizes Town. That's what you want to look at if you want to see the commentary there. And where the fuck was I?

All right. I love goats, man. I've ever tell you that shit? Like, that's the pet I should have had. They just smell really bad, though. But like, you know, they are, like, I was like wrestling with my dog and shit, but it makes the dog aggressive. But goats are already like that, know, they are, like, I always like wrestling with my dog and shit, but it makes the dog aggressive.

But goats are already like that and they live outside, so they're not going to be anywhere near your company. I should get, you know, that's the next thing I'm going to, I'm going to get a goat, right? I just have it in a pen. Get it a friend, right? They can fucking hang out. And then every morning I'll come out there and I'll be like, what's up? You know, reach over the fence, grab a bite's beer, get a little fuckin' yank, you know?

Get the thing going. Wrestle around with it for a little bit. All right, Dad won't quit smoking. Oh, Jesus. Your dad will not quit smoking. What the hell's wrong with him? He's gonna kill himself. All right, A. Billy Rednuts.

My dad's been smoking since he was 14 years old, and at 62 years old he recently had his second heart attack. Jesus Christ. The doctor has told him flat out, if you want to live, you have to stop smoking. Yeah, I would think so. Even after hearing this, he lit up a cigar five minutes after getting out of the hospital. I got into a huge argument with him about it, and I told him, if he didn't give a shit about his health, then I shouldn't care either.

We didn't talk for months. Wow, dude, this is fucking heavy here. We've tried reasoning with him. We've tried yelling at him. We've tried guilting him with the, don't you want to walk me down the aisle routine? None of it works. To clarify, he smokes cigars every single day all throughout the day. So it's more than an occasional puff. His diminishing health is visible in his everyday interactions with us. It's harder for him to breathe. Is he inhaling?

He can't walk as fast or as far as he used to. He can barely play with his grandkids and his face has aged immensely since the last heart attack. Every time I get a call from a family member, I get anxious that it's going to be the call, telling me my dad has had his last heart attack. It's I'm constantly on pins and needles and it's really starting to affect me. Yeah, I would think so. As someone who has struggled with certain vices yourself, what finally made you feel

like you wanted to limit your intake? Is there a way I can get through to my father and get him to quit for good or should I just accept the fact that we all go some day and let him enjoy himself for the limited amount of time he has left? Thanks and go fuck yourself. All right, wow. All right, what makes me want to limit my intake is because I don't want to end up being like that.

But I also, I don't know, I don't like having shit have control over me. You know what I mean? And I also found that when you're just constantly smoking a cigar, if you smoke too much, they're not special anymore. Like it's great when, you know, I like now just planning a cigar night,

like a couple weeks away. Like the absolutely fucking hilarious Burt Kreischer is one of the great guys you could ever hang out with. Forget about smoke a cigar with, he, forget about smoking a cigar with. He's trying to organize a cigar night and I already have it circled on my calendar. I'm excited, I'm thinking about what cigar I'm going to have but when I just have a whole box of them

and every night I'm just going out there smoking, it's just, you start smelling like a cigar, it's bad. It's like if I'm drinking every night, I don't know, it's just one of those things where I don't like the way I feel, I don't like the way I feel when I wake up in the morning, and I know it's bad, I know it's aging me, I just know, I know it's bad for me.

But, with your dad, that he's been doing this for so fucking long, dad that he's been doing this for so fucking long, I would definitely, I would be livid at my dad if he was doing that. And I would be unbelievably frustrated and I would continue, obviously, to try to get him to stop because you love your dad, you know? However, there does come a point where it's just like if the person has resigned themselves to this is what they want to do. I mean, if he just had his fucking second heart attack and the doctor's going, listen, you're going to die

if you don't stop smoking, and he walks out and literally just lights up a cigar. Obviously he's a complete addict, but I don't know, he's not fighting it on any level. So I don't know, depending on how exhausted you are, I know myself after a while I would just say, you know what, fuck it. And it would suck because when my dad died like that, I know myself, after a while, I would just say, you know what, fuck it. And it would suck because if my dad died like that, there would be a definite level of resentment and anger

that I would have at him. But I just think maybe the piece you can find is that he's addicted. He's an addict and this isn't your father making this decision, it's the chemicals and all of that shit that makes you do this. That's really unfortunate and there's really nothing funny in there. Jesus. I was going to smoke a cigar tonight too. I guess that's fucking, that's out the goddamn window. Jesus Christ.

Anyways, let's try to shake that off. Alright. Advice, strip club with wife. Oh, Jesus. A build-o. That's a good one, I've heard that one before, but it's always nice to bring that one back. Me and my wife and six of our friends are planning a trip to Vegas early next year.

Bars, strip clubs, the whole shebang. I'm 27 and my wife is 26. We've been married for four years. I was wondering if you and Nia or past girlfriends have gone to strip clubs together, and if so, what's the etiquette? Neither me and my wife have been to a strip club before. Obviously I wouldn't mind taking in the sights, but also don't want to be a piece of shit.

Oh god, this has fucking train wreck written all over. I know this isn't exactly something on my wife's bucket list, but I don't think she'll hate it either. She's told me in the past she appreciates the female body. Not necessarily grinding on mine though. I think she probably enjoyed more if I wasn't there. LOL. Would love to know what you and Nia would have to say on the subject. Thanks. Well, Nia's not here. This is what I would say, okay? You need to stay as sober as humanly fucking possible and you need to not indulge at all. What your indulgement should be

is your wife enjoying the experience. That's what you do, all right? And I would not get a fucking lap dance in front of my wife. I would not do that. Not that my wife, Nia wouldn't give a shit, but my wife is like ridiculously fucking cool. My wife is honestly one of the coolest females. She transcends her sex. The only reason why I say she's a cool female

is because so many of them are fucking nightmares and they won't let you do anything. They won't let you have any fun or whatever. She just, you know, you guys here on the podcast, that's not an act. She's that fucking cool and funny. But most people are not in that situation. So there's a few red flags in there. You're going with other couples.

Let the other couples get into the fights. Because somebody's going to go too fucking far, somebody's going to get too drunk, somebody's going to fuck up, and somebody's going to have that fucking thing brought up for the next 10 years in their fucking marriage, because God knows that's what the fuck they do. So your mission that night is to not be that guy.

Strip clubs are not going anywhere. Okay? You can always go to one another night when she's not fucking there or if she actually ends up having a good time the second time and just literally tell her, just say, listen, I wasn't going to get drunk and I wasn't going to do anything to embarrass you. Then she'll fucking respect you. So I would just say go real easy on the boobs there and get your wife a fucking lap dance. That's what you do. And then just say you're good, you're good. And when your fucking guy friends are all trying to pressure you into doing something,

just tell them to go, yeah, I'm cool, I'm cool. Don't worry, I'm having a good time. Okay? And let them do all the dumb shit. Let them wake up the next day when you guys go to breakfast and be the ones that have to say, yeah, sorry, I got a little crazy last night, or be the ones that are clearly just had a huge fight and are not talking during breakfast. You don't need that shit. All right?

You don't need that shit. It's a very, all of that type of shit. There's like, when you're sitting there going, what are the rules? The rules are the rules that you and your wife come up with. And the fact that your wife has never been to one is just all of the fucking makings of a shit show. So like I said, I'm going to say this again because you're a young guy, do not be the

drunk guy. And I'm telling you, just make sure she has a good time. Ask her if she's all right. Ask her if this is cool. If she wants to get out of there, just totally be attentive to her. And there's no way it can be a fucking problem. And then you can get on with your goddamn life and then fucking whatever. Some other time you go to a titty bar,

maybe you bring her along. She might fucking end up wanting to see you get a fucking lap dance. You're like, you're serious? Yeah, and then she'll be like, all right, which one do you want? And then that's another thing that could be a fight. You know what I mean?

You fucking pick some, I don't, that's just one of those, it's just, it's just one of those things. I remember one time, there's this famous strip club in Los Angeles called Jumbo's Clown Room. Okay, and it is just as creepy and disgusting as it sounds. I don't think it's like that anymore. It's way better now. But back in the day, it was literally like, you know, if I was a serial killer, like that would be my Starbucks. You know what I mean?

Sit there with my laptop in a chat room with other serial killers. I mean, it was a fucking disgusting place so I Had been there Maybe three times Over the course of 20 years going out to LA and it was always just a shady shifty fucking place. So one time I'm I Was out with Nia and she's brought up that she wanted to go to this fucking place. And I was just like, are you serious? You want to go to that place?

I said, I don't want to go to that place. I go to that place. It's not a cool place. So she goes, come on, let's just go. So I'm like, all right, let's go. It was her fucking idea. So we ended up going there. By the way, it's 2321 with 338 to go.

I already know you guys know who won this fucking game. Flag on the fucking Cardinals, I love it. Take it back, take it back. By the way, I forget the Cardinals coach, man, but I saw a great, they did a whole special on the guy. Seems like the fucking coolest dude ever. But anyways, so we ended up going there, and I sat over in the corner,

I didn't get a lap dance or anything like that, but I think I've told this story before, I literally saw a stripper quit on stage that night. It was fucking amazing. We walked in and there was like one guy sitting up near the stage, and there was like three other people up at the bar with their backs to the stage.

So this woman comes out looking a little rough, you know, and she starts doing her thing. She dances to one song. The song ends, nobody claps. Okay? The guy who was sitting up near the stage was not there anymore. So now it kind of becomes like a philosophical question. Like basically, if I'm in a strip club dancing

but nobody's watching me, am I technically still in show business, right? I'm in a strip club dancing, but nobody's watching me. Am I technically still in show business, right? So basically what happened was, you know, no one was fucking paying attention, so she ends the first song, you know, cause I'm wanted, dead or alive. She slowly slides down the pole, and then the next song starts and she's just laying there.

And she's not dancing, she's not doing anything. And I'm going like, oh my God, this was like watching a boxer, like not answer the bell, right? And just quitting on the stool. And she just rolled over and somehow she had her cell phone and she just started checking like her fucking emails. And at that point, like this,

one of the bar back ladies walked by, saw it and laughed and said, that's awesome. And she just laid there for the rest of the song and didn't dance and gathered her shit, didn't take up any more of her clothes. And that's like she quit being a stripper. She just quit dancing for the night. And I thought it was fucking

awesome because fucking Larry Fitzgerald what a catch god damn it that guy's good they're marching down the field looks doesn't look like we're in a prevent though so that's good they're on the fuck yeah here it comes they're gonna be in two more catches they're gonna be in fucking field goal position. Rippin' her heart out there, Carson. So anyways, she ends up, yeah, I just as a performer, I respected it, you know what I mean? It's like if you're a comedian, I'm doing my act and no one's listening, no one's paying attention,

I'm just gonna stop and I'm gonna shit on the crowd. That's it, I'm not gonna waste my time doing my material. So why should she take her bottoms off and show everybody the fucking world if they're not even going to look at it? Right? So there you go, there's my fucking stripper story, but me and Nia never had a problem. I think I want to say I've gone to a couple, have I been to a couple?

Maybe one other with her. I got to tell you, it's not fun. It's not fun to go to a titty bar with your wife or even with other women. It's just like everything. I used to do a bit in my act about that. Like when women started going to titty bars, they would always go like, you know, at some point they would say, this isn't as bad as I thought it was. I mean, this isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

And the joke of my act was, yeah, because you're here. Leave and it'll get evil again. That's one of the worst things ever that happened, that women started going to titty bars. You know what I mean? It's like, can't you just go to a fucking male one? Can't you go to the fucking Chippendales one and have some fucking goddamn dick swinging in your face? If you're a lesbian, then yeah, come on in.

Have a good time, right? It's just like, they just constantly, they just constantly have to be around us. It's fucking unbelievable. They think we're stupid. They think we do dumb shit, but they just can't get enough of doing every dumb fucking thing that we do. They're down to the 28 fucking yard line. The annual the announcers are going to be right. Now the question is, are they leaving too much time on the clock, assuming that they hit this field goal? I actually like that this is going to happen,

because if they kick this field goal, right, what are they going to be up by one or something? Is that what it's going to be? And then we get to watch Jimmy go down and do his thing. He's going to get some experience. I got to tell you, I've been impressed with him. He's playing all right You know that kid for fucking Dallas played all right and the dude there on Tampa Bay, I guess like Jason Law had said a long time ago. He's like that guy even though we saw them get destroyed in the fucking Rose Bowl

He was still talking about him Jameson right, right? Don Jamison. That's the fucking comedian there from fucking that metal show. Whatever. He was saying that if, you know, he had a couple of good, I feel what law had said, he said, give me a couple of good wide outs in that fucking quarterback and you could do something in the NFL. And it's looking like he's right. He had four fucking touchdown passes today. It's incredible. Of course, yet another thing that I missed here. So anyways, all right, that's the podcast here. I'm going to sweat this out. Or do you guys want me to hang in here? I can't. I can't because it's almost 1130 and I have an early fucking flight. I know you Cardinal fans,

if you won, you want to hear my fucking devastation, but if we win, you're not going to hear me fucking cheering. All I know is that the Colts lost, and even if we lose, I think that's fucking fair. And if the Colts actually have the same fucking record that we have at the end of this fucking travesty of a goddamn horseshit suspension, then I will say that God, not only is God a fair God, he's also a football fan. And he is a man, by the way. All right? He is a man.

So get that right out of your fucking head. There's no way God's a woman. Because if God was a woman, he wouldn't create, she wouldn't create, you know, a fucking animal like me. All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in you on Thursday I promise I'll watch the fucking UFC event and very excited about the first Rams home game

I think it's so fucking cool that they're back in LA and It would be great if the fucking Cardinals would uh move back to st. Louis I wonder if st. Love st. Louis fans now that going to be this weird thing. They don't have a team. The older generation, I bet, is still Cardinal fans. But then you wonder, the younger ones, are they still going to follow the Rams, or do they feel like they've been burned? I have no fucking idea. Go ahead and throw the ball again, Carson.

Go ahead and fucking throw it again. Ah, no, they're not. What are they doing here? What is it? They're on the 33 yard line. What do you add? 18 yards? Is that what you add? 33?

It's like a 50-51 yard at this point. I'll tell you, this is no poke. This is no poke. All right, I got to end this and sweat this fucking thing out. We're up by two. You motherfuckers. All right, once again, Bill Belichick showing why he's the greatest of all fucking time. Look at this, huh?

It was a nine point spread. Patriots are getting nine points at home. Tremendous. Fucking tremendous. We're up by two with a minute 55 left. Alright, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you on Thursday. What's up everybody and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast NFL edition

for week number two, guys. We've got a great show for you, but before we get into the show, we've got to shout out our sponsor. It's the BetMGM Sports app, everybody. BetMGM is offering $1,500. Holy shit. Yes, in Betts to get your season going. How do you do it?

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If the bet does lose, your bonus bets will be available once your initial wager is settled. Bet responsibly, have a good time, and you know what? Do better than old Paulie did in week one because I got a fucking whopper. I start the year oh and four, my giants look fucking horrible. I lose by a toe. We got Saquon Barkley scoring three touchdowns in an Eagles uniform going for over a hundred fucking yards. We'll get into that,

but thank God for Bill Burke keeping the show somewhat afloat by winning a couple of games. I think Jake the Snake- Oh, Billy Winsub lose sub once again. Oh, Billy Winsub lose. I think Jake the Snake went 0-4. I think Jake, Billy went sub loose sub once again. Oh, Billy wins some loose. I think Jake, the snake went on for, I think that's one. And the lines covered and then the Raiders fucked me. And the jets were just the jets again. That was a one week affair dude. By the way, everybody, I'm really fucking sick. So this is going to be a bridged your, uh, your Patriots pick was fucking great one, man. I was like, that was a great performance by them, dude, against a good team too.

Yeah, I think, you know, I think we're not as bad as last year, so that's good. That's good too. That'd be amazing. My fucking head is pounding. What, did you find out what you got? What do you got? I don't have COVID. I don't know what it is, but dude, like my eyes hurt.

All right. All right. Well, hey, we'll get our picks in quick. You know what it is? The kids come back from school with shit. All right. So anyway, you. Dude, this would kill a kid.

Or maybe I'm fucking too old. Jesus Christ. You get the first pick this week, Bill. Oh, Jesus Christ you get the first pick this week bill Oh Jesus you get the first well, I watched the Titans first the brown the Bears last week Bears defense was obviously Impressive I feel bad for that will Levi guy. He was playing like his fucking hair was on fire He threw that fucking last interception that picks sick. It was like a chick back in the day when they see a mouse and they jump up on the stool. So there's only one way to go from here. He was like, oh.

I hated how much I related to that. All right, I'm gonna go with the Eagles because I don't understand. I know Kirk Cousins is with the Falcons and Kirk Cousins scores points, God damn it, Paul. But he's playing with the Falcons and I think the Eagles, they always, you know, their head coach, his medication is right the earlier time of the year. It's somewhere around Thanksgiving, the turkey, it messes with it and then he gets a little nutso. So I feel like they're gonna win again.

So I'm gonna take the Eagles laying Paul, six and a half to the fucking Falcons. Kurt Cousin, disrespectful to Kurt Cousin. I love that pick because that's the Eagles first home game. Which I can't fucking get because DirecTV is having a fight with fucking Disney. I love that they're having a fight so we pay for it. Same thing happened with the Yes Network with the Yankees. You couldn't get a Yankee game certain days of the week because they were feuding with cable vision.

I know. And then they point the finger at each other. Oh, they don't want you to watch the game. Fuck you. You want too much money and they want too much money. Right. Work it out. We have no life. You see how blurry I am. This is how I feel, Paul. I'm fading away. All right. Well, I'm going to go, my first pick of the week, I'm going to go with a team that is just flying. And I think they're just going to keep getting better. Flying already? I think they've been flying since last year. It continued this year and they got great talent. They added Stefan Diggs on top of having Nico Collins.

They got good quarterback. I'm going to take the Houston Texans at home against the Bears. I think the Bears are good, but I think the Bears are young. I like the Texans to have a big, big, big game. They can hang out in the football. That offense wasn't doing anything against the Titans. I can tell you that. No, the Bears offense seems, I mean, it's early, but it doesn't seem ready yet rookie quarterback I like the Texans at home lay Lay in six and a half all right

well You know oh wait Bill real quick. I don't mean to cut you off, but Jake the snake Jake the snake do we have any I know we lost some people who do we lose anybody? Yeah, so it sounds like McCaffrey is going to be out again next week. And then Russell Wilson is not going to start again against the Broncos. I know they wanted Russell Wilson to make his return to mile high, but it seems like he's going to be out. And then Jordan Love got hurt at the end of that Eagle game.

The coach came out and said he might play but it's a pretty severe injury so he's unlikely to play so if you like the Colts take it now before he's officially help tomorrow. All right. So we got no Jordan Love. We got no McCaffrey. We got no and no Russell Wilson. No Russell.

Yeah. Those are the big three injuries I could think of. Take the snake. That's what he does. We got built. I'm going to go with the I'm going to go with the, uh, I'm going to go with the Kansas city cheaps. I know you're sick because you said minus five and a half. No, it's just there. They're the story now.

They're the story, you know, and they always act like Brady was always the story. He wasn't. He won three fucking rings and they were still saying, all right, if I got to start a team, though, I got to go with Peyton Manning. and fucking atrocious. Like they are just looking the fucking, hey, it fell off the truck. Oh, it's like a good fellas montage. I know. I mean, if that's how they're going to officiate these fucking guys, um, um, I'll take the chiefs. The chiefs, the chiefs look really good too. That's a great pick. All right for my second pick. I'm gonna take You know what they got off to a slow start but won the game Harbaugh looks like he settled in nice to the NFL. I'm gonna take a chargers team Playing in the words of Bill Burr the hapless the hapless Carolina Panthers

I'm gonna know the NFC South. you were saying, that's another country. I have no idea what's going on over there. Yeah, I like the Chargers over the Panthers. They're just a better team with a better quarterback and a better coach. Lay in six, I got the Chargers. All right, I got the Patriots getting three and a half against the Seahawks.

They're coming home. Oh! Feeling good, they're gonna like, I mean, what have they got? They got they got Something Smith who's that? Gino Smith is that their quarterback the Seahawks quarterback Gino Smith Yeah, so I like that guy but like I don't know I like their defense last week. So I Want to do that? Oh my god, it's fucking shit, dude I am going to do something that I didn't think I would do,

but if Jordan Love is not playing, I think the Colts are good. I think Anthony Richardson is good. I'm gonna take the Indianapolis Colts, laying two and a half on the road in Lambeau. You gotta love a team that's a good team, playing a team that doesn't have a starting quarterback, less than a field goal. I'm taking the Colts

I got the Colts minus two and a half in Lambeau watch Jordan love plays He has this fucking Willis Reed game comes out limping everybody goes nuts and kid throws for 350 yards and four touchdowns I don't think it's gonna happen and I also think if the page if the Packers if the Packers do start that kid after That it's it's ridiculous bad move. So there you go I'll take the Colts to win that game all right Hey Jake the uh

The Jaguars have any injuries that I need to know about uh, no I like that one you mother fucker I like that one. You mother fucker. Minus three against the hapless fucking Browns. Oh, that's a great pick. QB has allegedly started a fake Twitter account defending his play. I mean, the wheels are coming off early this year. They're going right into the lake. I'm not going to lie to you. That was a pick I had on my board this week. It's a great pick, but don't you worry.

Don't you worry, cuz I got another one. Easy with the volume. I got a fucking brain is gonna fall out of my ears. That's all right, all right, all right. Bill's having an injury. This is Bill's, this is Bill's flu game picks. All right, here we go. Let's do, For my fourth and final pick, I might be at Giants Commanders, but I'm not going

to do it. I'm going to take the Cowboys at home to win by a touchdown against the Saints. I think the Cowboys look good. C.D. Lamb looks good. Dak Prescott just got his fucking whatever 60 million dollar extension. Who's the pretty girl on the Saints? Who's playing quarterback? Carr. Oh, Derek Carr. Played really good last week too, but I could, you know, if it was over seven, I would say no.

Six and a half, I think the Cowboys are a better team by a touchdown. So I'll do the Cowboys. Six and a half, I think the Cowboys are a better team by a touchdown. So I'll do the Cowboys. Yeah. Well, there you go, Paul. Paul, I gotta go fucking laid out. My head is fucking killing me. Yeah. All right.

Do we have our all picks? We have all four of our picks? I think so, right? There we go. All right. Bill, all good. I'll take this puppy home. All right.

You bring it home. All right, everybody. Sorry about being under the weather. Get rest. We'll see you next week. Gamble responsibly. In other words, don't show your wife how much you're gambling. All right, I'll see you. Later.

There you go, guys. The co-host had what it took to hang in there. He had what it took to hang in there and get his picks in. But I know what it's like to be that sick and feel like you can't even keep your head up. That's the worst. But I'll be honest with you, man you man if I was that sick I don't even know if I would have done the show. So shout out to Bill. I do love his picks especially I mean I loved I love his Patriots pick I love but the one that I wanted I would be very surprised if if I honestly like I don't want to I'm not saying this because he would say oh don't jinx it.

I love the Jaguars in at home against against the Browns by a field goal. And you know and like I said other than that pick I like everything that I was doing. But we'll see you know what could I say how could I talk any shit I went on for Jake you went on for two. Yep, I was on for as well It's brutal. It's brutal and it's tough. Here's how bad my week was Okay, just so the fans just so the fans of the anything better show and here's the deal guys. Here's the deal Okay, what are we? Oh Andrew that's last week, right? Yeah. Yeah, so here's the deal

See we're professional this year, guys. Look, we got live stats as I'm talking over here. Okay, look at this thing. We got three boxes on this side. Andrew, you're running a show over here. What are we doing? We did it last year too. I just didn't pull it up as much.

I know, I know. Don't get defensive. I'm just saying. No, no, no, no. I'm just saying, you know, and then here's our week. I did it last year, Paul. This is how bad my week went, OK? It started off on Thursday. And I'll be honest with you, it might be the worst NFL week

I might have ever had. And I'm hoping that it's not a, what do they call it, a microcosm of what's yet to come with this thing. I hope not. I was riding shotgun with you on that Ravens pick. That was brutal. Well, that's how it started. Yeah.

It started with, I'm going, oh, look, Lamar Jackson, we're in the red zone. We score right here. I'm one and oh, ready to start. And we lose by a toe. Well, not even, I'm not even gonna say a toe. We lost by two centimeters. That's how close that was.

Yeah. And the rest, which Bill brought up, they were driving me crazy watching that game. That was insane. Dude. Insane. Dude, the toe on the line and I was running around going, oh my God, we did it. That happens.

Then if that's not bad enough, got to watch Saquon Barkley in a rival uniform Score not one not two But three touchdowns and rush for over a hundred fucking yards celebrating in an Eagles uniform Then if that's not bad enough. Were you on the Packers ball? Just asking, because I can't really see that.

Were you on the Packers in that game? Was I on the, no. Did you take the Packers? Oh, you're just saying it's in general. I didn't, no, no, no, I didn't, I didn't touch the game. Cause the spread on that game was brutal because it was a two point game. So you would have pushed and then the Packers kick,

or sorry, the Eagles kicked a field goal in garbage time to make it five so that was a brutal one if you're on that but anyway keep going. No no I wasn't on that game as far as a pick I was just like watching the game you know I was psyched that there was a Friday night game to watch so I got home and could watch the second half of a game on Friday night after the debacle on Thursday so then I'm like I like Saquon Barkley but I like, I'll hold him to like maybe a touchdown and like 70 yards and we go on with our lives. No, that doesn't happen.

He's fucking now he's the NFC player of the week. Okay. Then I got to watch the Giants who I did pick get fucking destroyed with Daniel Jones is throwing pick sixes when he's in the red zone or whatever. He's throwing interception in the red zone. He's throwing. I mean, it couldn't be more, couldn't be worse. And then, and then I lose Buffalo by half a point and I lose, and I lose the Dolphins by half a point. So everything that could have went wrong, went wrong. But here's what I want to say. And I want say. And I wanna, this has been on my mind. I told Bill that I had it with this shit

and I was gonna go off on a little bit of a rant. And he was like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm sick, but maybe it's a good time for you to go on the rant. So this is what I have to say. And I know people, listen to me right now, all you listeners, I don't give a fuck what you think or if you disagree with me. So you could put your dumb fucking YouTube comment in and go this and that. I don't give a fuck if you're like,

yeah, well, that's what the fucking Giants get. What I'm gonna say is what I'm gonna say and this is what it is. Okay? All of you people who watch the NFL and say, well, running backs don't matter anymore. You don't pay the running backs anymore. running backs don't matter anymore. You don't pay the running backs anymore. Running backs don't matter. First of all, if running backs don't matter as much anymore in this NFL, then why is Christian McCaffrey on the top of every board of fantasy football? Do you wanna know why?

The reason why is because other than a quarterback, a running back has the ball more than anybody else in the game. And listen, yes, a running back has the ball more than anybody else in the game. And listen, yes, a lot of running backs are in a middle pack and they're kind of the same, but not a Saquon Barkley, period. There are certain running backs, Christian McCaffrey,

Saquon Barkley, this kid, B. John Robinson on the Falcons. There are certain, what's that? Yeah, Breeze Hall. Breeze Hall is a great one. There are certain, what's that? Yeah, Breese Hall. Breese Hall is a great one. There are a handful of running backs that if you, if you're fortunate enough to have them in your building, if you're fortunate enough to have them in the organization, you make them happy, especially a kid who is in his mid twenties, not even 27. Okay, fine. I get it. You got a 28, 29 year old wanting a big extension. There's a difference there. Maybe you don't give him as much. He's not happy.

You got a 25, 26, 27 year old that can fucking turn a corner and take it to the house like that. You do it. And it go, Oh, well, we don't need. And John Marra, in that, in that, uh, what's it called? The clip in the hard knocks. John Marrow was right when he was like, I'm going to lose sleep if we don't, you know, the Saquon Barkley thing. So all the people going fuck Saquon, you don't do it's not worth it. This is why it's worth it to not watch them get three touchdowns in a rivals fucking uniform week one of the next year. That's why, you know, this kid is, is the NFC player of the week on a rival team.

It's literally like, it's literally like your girlfriend cheating on you and fucking your rival and then basically saying he fucks better. That's what it's like. Okay. I know that's a little extreme, but that's what it felt like watching it as a Giants fan. So I understand that you got to pay the quarterback, but how about giving Daniel Jones 10 million less? Yep. Okay, how about, you know, you give Daniel Jones 160 million, fine. I understand you want to lock up a quarterback for a few years.

He took you to the playoffs, you want to pay him, fine. But it's a kid that hurt his neck. No, I mean, that's, at that point, I think what you just said about Jones, that's where it has nothing to do with the field and it has everything to do with the market. And that's when the conversation starts to drift from production. And listen, we talked about this last year, and I know Bill was giving you shit just about

what has he done, even at the beginning of this year, like, well, what has Daniel Jones done? And you want to say like he was sharp and he looked good and he could manage the team, whatever he fit. You can say all that stuff, that's fine. But that's, you have to bring up like, yeah, what are we getting rid of? And if it's not Daniel Jones, who's the other guy plus Saquon, right?

Like, I mean, there weren't any other, who else did you guys sign on the off season? Picked up a, like I think at least a D back right though. Proved to deal. No in the off season that it was Brian Burns it was Brian Burns from the from the Panther who's a who's one of the best pass rushers listen. Yeah. You know yeah but look and listen I know the Giants GM assistant guy he's great great guy and you know in fairness say Kwan Barkley did walk away from us for $500,000 so say Kwan Barkley did say hey I'll match this if you guys can if the Giants said to say Kwan Barkley and this is a hundred percent true

I know this for a fact the giant and it was on hard knocks But there's certain things that other people don't know and I'll give you a little insight basically what happened was hard knocks, but there's certain things that other people don't know. And I'll give you a little insight. Basically what happened was they, they say, Kwan Barkley said, I'm going to test the market and I'll come back to you guys. And if you guys match it and his last words on the phone on hard knocks, where you know where I want to be. So he's basically saying, I want to be a giant for life.

And over his record of being in the NFL, he said, I want to be a giant for life. Uh, then it was a $500,000 difference. And he chose to go to the Eagles. Ultimately what happened. And I understand it was when they franchised him again, and he lost out on $12 million, and he could stay in his same house in Jersey, go down the fucking turnpike an hour, because he was on the other side of the Jersey. So you're talking he could stay in his house. He can go down, have a better line. And they were gonna give him incentives to make some of the millions back

that the Giants did not give him. I get that. But I think what the Giants should have done was the Giants should have given Daniel Jones 10 million less and play with that money and make Saquon Barkley happy. And then would do whatever you can to beef up the line. Listen, it didn't happen, but the idea of running backs don't matter anymore. That's true when you have an average running back. That's true when you have an 800, 900

yard rusher, but it's not the case for a guy that can go for 1500 yards and is just special. Not to mention Saquon Barkley, probably saved Daniel Jones' fucking life with the way he blocks, because he's somebody that can not only catch balls out of the backfield, but he can block. So- Can I ask you this? I agree with that.

What do you think the odds are that he just saw, he just looked at Philly and just looked at the teams, like, I can win a Superbowl this year. No, absolutely. I think he was like- Cause I get that he probably wanted to stay there and I'm not, you know, I don't know what the man's thinking,

but like you look at that team and you're like, do I want to play with Jalen Hurts and AJ Browns? Like, yeah, like that's a hell of an offense and no disrespect to the Giants, but the Giants are three years away from anything. Right. And maybe more at this point. I don't know what's going to happen with Daniel Jones. I don't know.

What's he guaranteed? Look, the Giants, I would say maybe not three years if something changes at quarterback or if, you know, look, I look at it like this. Our defensive line, even though it didn't play amazing against a good Vikings team, our defensive line has studs. You know, Dexter Lawrence is probably the best run defender. I mean, Dexter Lawrence upfront is as good as it gets.

Brian Burns and Tibbitt on the outside. I think once they gel, that's good. And we do have Tay Banks in the back. We have Bobby O'Carrakay. We have, and we got that kid Phillips who actually forced a fumble. I think the Giants defense is young. Now here's the other thing about the Giants.

The Giants are the second youngest team in the NFL. It's gonna take some time, but I do agree with you, Andrew. I think that Saquon's agent was like, look dude, how many years are you gonna waste? You're wasting years. You could stay in your house and go down the highway, have a good offensive line and a team that's kind of ready to go right now

And they're gonna give you incentives to get some of those million dollars back at the end of the day He's got to do that But I just feel like um, they're just done I think the problem with the giants and we get them and they don't want to harp on the same words to probably get it But like I think the thing is just yeah, it's like forget about winning a super bowl. They're just they're Hey, sorry, Paul. I don't think they're going to make the playoffs. So I just think like that's I think that that that just bottom line.

Hey, you might know what's like, did you not want to make the playoffs for the next three years? Would you like me? Or do you want to, you know, the logic from last year is what's most upsetting if you're a Giants fan, because who's the best player? You need to pay your best players like you were saying, Paul position doesn't now that doesn't matter. But like, you know, you need to pay the best player you need to pay your best players? Did like you were saying Paul position doesn't not that doesn't matter but like, you know You need to pay the best player regardless of your position. So who's the best player on the Giants? It's by far sake one Barkley

Why don't you just extend him first instead of tagging him and doing all this? Under the underhanded stuff and then you can just whatever's left you keep there's gonna be plenty of money left to pay Daniel Jones If you feel he's the guy what's Daniel Jones gonna walk away from 140 150 million? There's no shot. There's no shot So the thing is the thing is is that? Saquon Barkley is a generational talent Saquon Barkley is a guy that comes around once every 20 25 years Okay as far as his speed as far as what he can do as far as his speed, as far as what he can do, as far as his cutting ability. Now, granted, people will say, well, you can't blame the Giants too much because he was hurt two out of his first three years.

He had injuries, this and that. Fine. And some of that's bad luck, but the kid is still young. I mean, you should also look back at like he bounced back from that one injury kind of quickly and got back. I just think the kid was, you know, I mean, Danny Jones running for his life, Saquon Barkley is like the last line of defense before everybody collapsed and he didn't want to lose any more years on. So we'll leave it at that. But I'm just saying people have this, the, the, the dumb

NFL fan and there's a lot of them. Okay. The dumb NFL fan goes, nah, fuck running back. You plug anybody in there. That's the case with mediocrity and maybe a guy that's a little above average, but it's not the case with those McCaffrey's and all those guys. And that's why I agree with you a hundred percent. You got to take care of the guys that take care of you.

And I think they franchise, if my memory is right, didn't they, they franchise them two times in a row? I think it was just once. Cause the second time it's like a lot higher. So then they usually extend you out for that. But, but I think when you franchise a guy, like, I think the player is going to internalize it most of the time. And that's when stuff usually falls apart and like you can, and the giants can come back and say, Oh, we were, we were close on the extension this last off season. That's fine. But they should have got this done before Daniel Jones,

if they truly valued them like they should have in my opinion. And to your point, Paul, about McCaffrey, like look at the Niners record ever since they traded for him. They basically have gone undefeated and to a Superbowl. So I mean- And McCaffrey, here's the other thing too. McCaffrey was injury prone with the Panthers, you're right. And then what happens?

He goes to the 49ers and they said last game was the first game that he ever missed as a Niner and he's been to multiple Super Bowls. So, you know, the same thing can happen with Saquon Barkley. You know, if I'm the GM and hey, I'm not because I tell dick jokes and fucking malls at night and shit. But if I'm the GM, I call Daniel Jones and Saquon Barkley in the office at the same time. And I'm like, guys, look, I want to keep you both here. You two are the guys that are going to make this engine go. We want to renegotiate and move a couple of things around. And this is what we're thinking about doing. Do you want to do it? Or like, you know, don't give Daniel Jones 160 million, give them 145 million with an incentive, you know, and with that 15 million to make Saquon Barkley happy. So look, it sucked to see, but

you know, the Philadelphia, the I almost said Phillies, the Philadelphia Eagles have their guy and it's going to suck to see him thrive. But you know what? I like the dude as a dude and it is, it is what it is. So I'll leave it at that, but I can't hear another person say that running backs don't matter. And it's a different league because it's, it's really, you know, it's really not. I mean, if you look at the amount of touches that running backs get, it's, they're the points in fantasy football, right?

I mean, do you guys do fantasy, right? Jake, you have a fantasy team? I do. Who was your first pick? This year was Bijan. There you go. Yeah. There you go.

Running back, you know, and everybody else either has Bijan. There you go. Running back. And everybody else either has Bijan Robinson or I have Saquon actually too. Yeah, so it's either like Saquon, Bijan, Bijan Robinson or Christian McCaffrey and all that stuff. And then you go to wide receivers.

So there you go. I said my piece. It sucked to see the Giants like that. Here's my dilemma. I'm in Baltimore this weekend guys September 13th and 14th Friday Saturday. I'm in Baltimore now the Ravens are playing the Raiders right by where I'm at but 50 minutes down the road my Giants are playing the commanders in DC and I'm gonna go to that and the line is you know, um Whatever one and a half. Yeah, so I'm going like go to that and the line is, you know, whatever, one and a half. Yeah. So I'm going like, do I go down 45, 50 minutes to see the Giants? Do I get in my car after the

Saturday night shows and drive home so I could be home and wake up, you know, get home at three in the morning, wake up and watch football at my house? Do I stay in Baltimore, watch the Ravens, Raiders? But I can't do that. If I stay to watch a game, it's got to be my giants, right? Yeah, it's your team. And that's a game you guys can win. Yeah, truly. Because we're always good against Washington. Yeah, we're always good against Washington. And it's a their defense isn't very good. It's a rookie quarterback still. I'm sure I'm sure, you know, who knows how it'll end up? Because, you know, it's a brand new team. But I think that's an in a rivalry game. It's the line tells you everything right there. It's basically a pick them. So that'll be a lot of fun. You should definitely go to the giants.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna, I think I'm going to do that. So should we do a Monday night special? Should I just pick the Monday night special on my own? Yeah, Jake, or, and Paul, do you guys, do you guys have anything else that you want to talk about in terms of the week? Let me just pull up the... Well, we touched on the Ravens officiating thing, and then you guys already talked about the Chargers win, so I think we can... Well, one thing I'll talk about is I do think... These are subject to to change by the way. I will put my final ones in and send them to you guys after the show. I'm going through each game doing my research.

So I just, these are the only three that have. I can't read that. Is that this week's picks? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I might pop out, change some of these, but Paul Jake submitted his before the show. He's going chargers like you,

Colts like you, Cheats like Bill and the Steelers, which I like the Steelers. I did like, I did have the Broncos last week. I did think that there was just no way that they were, they weren't going to cover, but you know, it was a push. Listen, I think another good pick this week, if I would say like, oh, like my honorable mention pick this week would be, I think the Jets are going to bounce back against the Titans. I think that that's, you know, part of me, I was going to go with that, but I just, I just with a rookie quarterback, I mean, with a, yeah, with a rookie quarterback, I mean with a, yeah with a rookie quarterback or a backup quarterback with the Packers, that's why I went with the Colts. But I see Aaron Rodgers and the Jets kind of writing

the ship, I mean listen, it's Aaron Rodgers first game in like two years or whatever the hell it was, and or a year and whatever the months were, and he's getting back from an Achilles, and then he's got to go into San Francisco against one of the top defenses. He's still probably not 100% with his legs. And, and, and let's be honest, if you watch that game, the Jets never had the ball, like the jet in my, I've never seen a field a lot. They weren't on the field ever. They didn't, they didn't convert third downs. There were some drop passes. Some guys weren't in the right

spot. I almost, I don't want wanna say that it's anybody's fault, but I, or it's not serious. But I didn't see Rogers. I didn't see Rogers Miffin much. Did you, I mean, did you think he looked bad? I mean, I mean, there were some open guys that he probably missed downfield, but overall. No, no, I don't think, no.

And they even said like his arm. Now listen, a lot of experts and ex NFL players and analysts said it did look like he was a half a step slower just because of the injury. It's not so much because of like his age is probably like, dude, an Achilles, if you had an Achilles injury in the eighties, your career was over. Like Dominique Wilkins had it

and he was like the first one to come back from it. It's a, for an athlete, it's like a horrible, horrible thing. And I thought his arm looked good. Like you said, Andrew, I thought he was like the first one to come back from it. It's a for an athlete. It's like a horrible, horrible thing. And I thought his arm looked good. Like you said, Andrew, I thought he was hitting targets to Garrett Wilson. The problem was I was watching the game and my son, me and my son, and I looked at my son, Lucas, and I go, dude, I go have the jets been on the field on offense? Like it really was like the jets weren't playing offense that whole game. It was weird. Yeah. I think the biggest concern for the jets in that game, it was actually their defense. Their tackling was terrible. The Niners just ran all over them. And so they just like you guys are saying, just

dominated time possession and and then like Roger Rogers could have played better. Sure. But like I think to your point, they just didn't have the ball enough. Yeah. So that's why I think they're gonna go into Tennessee and I can see them lighten Tennessee up. I really can. I mean, either way, what's the line? Three and a half. Yeah. I mean, you don't like to have a point, but I could also see the Jets winning that game by two touchdowns. That's good. That's an honorable mention for me. And then the other one I was looking at is, is the Niners against the Vikings. I think, um, Minnesota is a tough place to win and

six, a lot of points. So that's why I ended up going Steelers because it's just a lower number and the Broncos are probably worse than the Vikings But I think the Niners are good really good. Yeah, what's that? There's a good Mike Tomlin. Oh, there's defense The Steelers defense looked incredible against Atlanta. So I think I think that I'll carry over to Denver who Don't I gotta do I gotta change something here? I'm gonna have to change cameras because for some reason the one outlet is not my phone needs I mean my computer needs to charge hold on one second. Yeah, of course I'm just going I'm just gonna change this setting here

All right, so it's gonna be a little bit of a different look right now, but just because all right Paul because looking good Yeah, the Steelers are good team team. Mike Tomlin, really good against the spread. The other game that kind of worth noting is this 49ers Vikings. That's five and a half. Yeah. Did it drop down to five and a half? It's down to five and a half.

It was just before we went live. I'll give it a little refresh. Which one is this now? Vikings? Niners Vikings five and a half. So I mean that's under a touchdown is crazy Yeah, look, I mean, here's the other thing. I don't understand that one too too much And again forget about forget about my capital issues go of last week's performance. The Vikings did not look bad, right? Let's just go of last week's performance. The Vikings did not look bad, right? No. You know.

No, they didn't look bad, but Sam Darnold also probably looked better. Yeah. Sam Darnold probably looked better against, you know, against- He didn't do that much. I mean, he did okay. He just hit guys that were there.

He didn't like that. If you watch, I watched parts, most of that game, I'd say at least three quarters of that game. And it was not, it was not an impressive stance for, to look ahead to see that they'd be doing too much against the Niners. I do like the Vikings defense. Their defense was good last year.

I mean, you know. And if you look, last year Darnold was on the Niners. So I think they know him well, and I think that defense is gonna be all over him. I think, yeah, I'd be shocked if the Niners lost that game, but crazier things have happened. It's not an easy place to go in and get a win. Bill Belichick being the Giants head coach next year

now is more of a possibility than ever because it's his dream job, it's the job that he's wanted. He said it, he's vocal about it. And I think that if the giants end up going, if the giants end up going, let's say five wins or four wins and get humiliated and fire, there's no way that he doesn't take that interview. And I think there's no way he doesn't take it, especially if the Daniel Jones thing doesn't work out

and he gets another quarterback. But this is one thing- And that's like half the reason why it didn't work out with him with other teams was it was control stuff. Cause he knew he wasn't gonna get the control he had with the Pats, but he also needed, his stipulation was to be able to build at least for the first two years to build the team that he wanted. And yeah, I don't like you said he loves the Giants. I don't even know any other team that he could do that for right now that he would actually want to play for.

So yeah, he's he's he's vocally come out and said his dream job is to be the head coach of the New York Giants. That's who gave him a shot and all that. But here's the thing. Now this is the last thing I'll say about the Giants. Then we'll get to the Monday night special, whatever. The thing that happened to Daniel Jones, and I was texting Bill this. Me and Bill were texting during the week, or I texted him after this happened. I think I know what happened to Daniel Jones, and this is my theory on it. know what happened to Daniel Jones and this is my my theory on it. Um, so the year Daniel Jones really bounced back and showed that he was like, not only, not only good, I mean, very few quarterbacks in the history of the NFL throw only five interceptions for a year. So he's, he throws only five interceptions for the year.

Now he didn't throw a ton of touchdowns, but he ran a ton of touchdowns. And we get to a nine and eight record. We go into a 13 win Minnesota team. We beat that team and his rating is unbelievable in that game. Then I, this is where I think what happened wrong, what went wrong. He came in the next year, our line was shit. He got that neck injury, right? Then he comes back. And do you remember the look in his eyes when he looked shell shocked in San Francisco where they showed him? There's a picture of him and he got sacked

so many fucking times in the first half of that San Francisco game. And there's a picture of his eyes and he looks like a deer in headlights and he's looking around and he was running for his life. And he was getting the shit kicked out of him and he looked completely shook He had happy feet and then he gets the knee injury and he's out for the year You know, he's out and then he comes back at you know after the knee injury and now he's kind of dealing with it again

And what I noticed in that Vikings game is even when he had time Which there was a couple series where he had like okay time He had these happy feet and even when he saw a defender of series where he had like, okay, time. He had these happy feet. And even when he saw a defender blitzing, he was like jumping around. I think, dude, I don't, I think Daniel Jones has not recovered from the absolute fucking ass kicking that he got after that decent year. He had good year, I'd say. And I think that he's afraid to get hurt.

I think he's thinking about maybe the neck, maybe the leg is not right, but dude, he looked scared. And it's- How many games did he play last year? What did he play? Seven, something like that. There was Tyrod Taylor played a couple then Tyrod Taylor got hurt. And then Davido played six.

So, I mean, yeah, Davido played six, went three and three. As far as the team goes, as far as 2023 passing attempts, they were in the lower part of the NFL. And it's actually kind of interesting the other teams that had like below 500. So Giants had 518 passing attempts. Another low attempt was the 49ers or 491. But that's expected because they have a star star running back. Other teams that were low were the Broncos. Well that's also Saquon Barkley too. Right fair enough.

The Broncos and probably the Eagles are low too. They run it a lot. Eagles are in the middle, round 560. The highs around 6, Mahomes 635, Lions 606, Texans were pretty low. You know a team to watch out for in this Belichick sweepstakes I think is actually the Cowboys because say they have another early playoff exit, they're going to fire Mike McCarthy and the difference with the Giants is I think Dayball is a really good coach. He just doesn't have the right pieces yet. So maybe they get impatient and move on because the guy like Belichick is there. But like, I just think that's McCarthy. I think that they keep Dave Ball. I think they'll keep Dave Ball if we don't get embarrassed. I think if we're an, if we're a laughing stock and an embarrassment and the team quits,

then they'll get rid of Dave Ball. If the Giants can like compete and be in games and still not make the playoffs, cause we're young, then they would keep them. I think the only thing, Jake, it makes sense, but I actually think the only thing that would be a wrench in that, two things. Jerry Jones doesn't usually fire coaches like mid season. If I'm correct. No, no, no.

He'll wait till they get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs or something like that. But there's also a rumor, shout out to Sean Sean Green for kind of putting these pieces together for me was uh, uh, um, uh, Deion Sanders. Yeah, Jerry Jones wants Deion Sanders as the head coach of the Cowboys. Um, so, you know, I mean, that's that seems more likely than Bill Belichick. And I feel like I'd be huge. I mean, I'm sorry. And here's the story.

Yeah, it would be a huge story. But here's the other thing, too. Bill Belichick wants too much control that Jerry Jones could handle. Jerry Jones, Jerry Jones wants to kind of be the GM and kind of run the show. Bill Belichick and him with butt heads, you know, where I think John Marra and the Giants, they would give Belichick a little more of the reign. They would give him a little bit more of the control. And Deon Sanders would just be so happy to be the fucking Cowboys coach that Jerry Jones will still have a lot of say. So I actually agree with Andrew. I think that's more. But all right, let's do the Monday night

special here. Yeah. Falcons in Philadelphia against the Eagles. Falcons getting six and a half. Who picked the Eagles? That's a that's a that was an honor of venture for me too. I know someone already told me. Bill and I both have the Eagles. I have a tentative Eagles. I don't, I don't see the Eagles losing this game, especially by a touchdown. Wait, this is the Monday night? They look great on Friday. Can you pull it up?

Can you pull the Monday night special up? Yeah. What do you want to see? I mean, I just want to see the line in the game. It's, it's, it's the Eagles and- Six and a half and the over-under is 47. Who are they playing? Eagles playing the Falcons at Philadelphia. At Philadelphia, right?

Am I right on that? Sorry. Yes. I actually don't know that. I said that with a lot of confidence. Six and a half. Well, what do you think, Paul? What do you do?

You like just Eagles money line and then we can parlay some props? I actually don't like the points. I think that I think the fact that you could do straight up, you know, just outright. No, no. Yeah, I was gonna say I don't yeah, the six and a half because I could see the number the fact I could see the Falcons just feeding B. John Robinson and controlling the clock a little bit. Um, yeah, we could do so. So money line Billy's D can. I mean, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Eagles money line B John to run a touchdown rushing touchdown. Nobody's going to like that.

Um, Eagles money line. Well, we got to do three. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying the first two legs we can think of a third. Um, yeah, we can do, uh, B John Robinson to run one. We could do Eagles Moneyline. I do like those two. And then maybe. You want to do hurts AJ Brown, we could do totals. I'm not going to point totals.

But I mean, that's an option. That enough. You said it's 47. What you said? 47 for the over under seven. The under killed us again last week. It feels like that'd be an under game, but I'm not certain. You want to go say Kwon Barkley?

I mean, I hate to do this, but you want to do say Kwon Barkley over seventy five yards. Ooh, I think he's I. Yeah, I mean, the hate to do this, but do you want to do Saquon Barkley over 75 yards? Ooh. Oh, I think he's, yeah, I mean. Good call. The prop that I'm gonna put together on that is Saquon anytime touchdown, Jalen anytime.

Saquon's gonna get 75 yards. You can even get better odds if you jack that up. Touchdowns can be a little tough with Philadelphia because they run it a lot with hurts. So I think it's smarter to do yards like Paul said. 75 is also not that high if you think Atlanta has a bad defense. Yeah, I mean, I think we could go over 75 yards.

A hundred yards is tough heat because I know Saquon well, if he gets a hundred, he gets it like at the end of the fourth quarter. It'll be, we'd be coming down to the wire because he's a, Saquon's the type of guy that'll have 21 yards in the third quarter and then all of a sudden two runs, two runs and he's at 80. But also if they shut him down and I think, you know, obviously I think the Falcons are going to try to shut him down. I think

we go over 75 yards. I could see that happening and then do Bijan to get one and the Eagles to win the game outright. I think that that's a good one. Well, what's the odds on that answer? I'm in California, so I can't properly build it. I can put some rough numbers together in a second. Just- You wanna add a fourth to make the odds better? Hit me with everything you just said. So you didn't say passing touchdowns, did you?

No, the Eagles to... You the lot what would make the odds better is if we took the Eagles to win by seven instead of the money line we can do that but we have the Eagles with we have the Eagles with the money line we have Robinson to score and Eagles money line yep funny line. Yep. Be John Robinson to score. All right, let me, I gotta add these and you guys kill some time. Anytime touchdown, be John Robinson. Yep. By the way, you reminded me of how badly my buffs got whooped the other day. Oh my god. Who was the next one? The next one was... Saquon over 75 yards if that's available. What'd you say, Jake? Well, you guys brought up Dion and reminded me

how we got embarrassed at Nebraska on Saturday. Just awful. That must've been how you felt watching your Giants, Paul, because the offensive line was just nowhere to be seen. There's nothing worse. There's nothing worse than being excited about your football team that day, that game, waking up excited, thinking there's going to be this thing. And then watching not only a close game, watching your team just be bad and embarrassed.

There's like, you almost feel like the quarterback that's sitting on the bench with his head down. You're just like, what the fuck just happened? You know the craziest thing about the game, Paul, is that they didn't even score in the second half and they still won by 20. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. This pick six killed us.

So, oh, go ahead. It's a real quick. You give me some numbers here. So Philly to win money line, Bijon one anytime touchdown and Seyquan at least 76 run it. That's a 76 is, is the floor on that. Uh, tend to win 42. So it's plus three 20. I, I'd like to, yeah. So if they bet a hundred, if they bet a hundred and it hits, they get three 20, they get two 20, four 20. Yeah. Oh, nice. That's a great, no, wait a minute. Hold on. I just took that out of hand. Let me add it back in. Uh, I mean, that's a pretty solid parlay right there. A hundred to win four 20 is 10 to win 4200 to

win 420. Yeah, so so you're risking 100 to win 320. That's great. Yeah, the wind 320. Yeah, total post. So you're gonna win 320. I like that. I'm an asshole. So I gotta bring this up. If you push. If you push say Kwan. Let's see here. Like

80 or something. Yeah, why just doing if you push Saquon to 86? It's plus 123. And that'll that'll put your you know what is it is it that puts you to plus 393. So that's 100 to win for 93. So that's maybe not maybe maybe maybe not worth the extra. But you know what those 10 those 10 yards. Yeah. Change the bet so much.

It's only when 70 extra for that. It's not it's not worth it. Plus 86 yards against the Falcons team is is going to be I mean I'm not saying they're great but that they're going to be concentrated on him, especially after last week. Plus, he was NFC player, NFC player of the week last week. You never know if he's going to do it again. He could have a slow, I think the 75 or 76 is the way to go. Okay, cool. All right, so Philly to win Moneyline, Bigeon anytime,

Saquon at least 76 plus 320. That's the odds right now, depending on where you get it. Pretty good. I like it and all right there you go. So you have you have Bill's picks, you have my picks. Jake and Andrew will have their picks up. You'll find out what those guys did but we just showed we just showed some of them so you guys can follow the show and you guys could follow what we're doing. Guys, if you want to see me live this weekend, this Friday and Saturday, I'm doing two shows Friday, two shows Saturday at the Port Comedy Club in Baltimore.

I have not been to Baltimore since so many years ago, so I'm looking forward to that. I heard it's a great spot. You may see me at the Ravens Raiders, but you're probably gonna see me at the Giants Commanders. So if you do come by, say what's up. And then what else do we have? I'm gonna be in Tampa Bay, SideSplitters Comedy Club, one of the best comedy clubs in America, September 26th through the 28th.

We got Munich, Germany at the Fat Cat on November 8th and all other dates at paulversey.com. And, yeah, check out... What day is your Baltimore show, Paul? My Baltimore shows are the 13th tomorrow and the 14th Saturday. Saturday. So if you're in the area, this is what I'm going to suggest. Even if you're just outside the city, get a hotel room somewhere around there.

Go see Paul, okay? Then the next morning, go hang out in one of the best football bars, one of the best bar cities, most underrated in the country, Baltimore. The Inner Harbor area is right where the comedy club is. Go get yourself the best Bloody Mary that I've ever had. Literally any bar. Oh dude, yeah, because they use Old Bay and there's Old Bay seasoning and everything. I walked into a bar once, first time I was in Baltimore. I didn't even

know what that smell was. It was like if you smelled Indian food for the first time, what is this? This is new. I mean, it's on the French fries, it's on everything. If you don't like it, I mean, you know, you got to go to the next city over. But if you like any of that stuff, do it. Every bar has a dedicated team. So you can walk up and down. My buddy's like, well, we're going to go to the Patriots bar. And on the way to the Patriots bar, you pass by the Pittsburgh bar. And every bar, Denver, the people of Baltimore, great football fans that have relocated to that area.

It's a beautiful area. Get yourself a bloody. Go see, hey, Paul, you get yourself a bloody. How about that? Dude, I was just going to say when you said that, I like the best bloody marriage. They also have a thing there called orange crushes, which one time made me not get through airport security properly because I was so fucking drunk. My buddy still

tells the story is that they got this thing called an orange crush. And all they do is just squeeze, just squeeze fresh oranges or grapefruit, whatever you want, into a glass of ice and vodka, maybe a little triple sec. I don't even know. Dude, these things were going down like I was just watching cartoons, drinking juice. I mean, Andrew, why don't you hop on a flight and meet me there, dude? Let's go to the game.

We should have done this. He knows how to paint a picture. We should have done this. Jake, here's what we should do. Okay, here's what we should do. You'll be in LA soon, huh? Let's send them into the weekend, Paul. I'll be in LA soon, huh? Let's send them in the weekend. I'll be in LA in October, I believe.

I think we're working on that. But here's what happens. The All Things Comedy, I mean, All Things Comedy. This is an All Things Comedy show, but this is also anything better, Bet MGM. Let's get on a horn with Bet MGM, okay? Let's get, hey, Bet MGM, this is coming from me, co-host Paul Verzi, let's do this.

Let's fly Jake the Snake and Andrew to Baltimore. Even if you guys get there Saturday, because tomorrow's two last minute, you guys get there Saturday, you come to one of the shows Saturday, the last show Saturday, we go out after the show, we have a dinner, then we wake up Sunday and we decide if we're gonna go 45 minutes down the road to Giants

or we stay for Raven's Raiders. We get bloodies. We make a whole Sunday of the thing and fucking Bet MGM takes care of it. I mean, that sounds like a deal to me. Why wouldn't they wanna do that? Why wouldn't they wanna send us for no cost benefit across the country?

How about this though, we set up tailgate with the anything two days and somehow went through corporate to get this budget approved. Let's say we did that, Paul. Paul, you know what's going to happen is like four o'clock is going to roll around. The games or four o'clock that night, eight o'clock in the roll. The games are going to be over. We'll have all lost some money. We'll be shit based and we're going to be sitting there with stacks of pamphlets that we'll get to hand out. And they're gonna be like, how'd it go? Like, oh man, people were just like. Oh, like great.

Yeah, it's like that Mitch Hedberg joke about flyers. It's like handing out a flyer is like saying, here, you throw this out. I think we got more fans than you realize, man. Oh, I'm not saying we don't have fans, I'm saying we're idiots, Paul. And we're not gonna hand out flyers. We're gonna be, boy, Paul's gonna look at me.

This is the best play mirror I've ever had. No, no, no. No, no, no. We tell the fans, that's true. We tell the fans what part of the parking lot we're in and they come out, man. We're gonna do something like that. But when you're out here in LA, maybe we'll go live.

We'll live stream. Yeah, we can figure out a charger game for sure. No, well, I take it easy. No, me and Barnick had a great time with that. All right, so there you guys go. You wanna come down to the show, come and check me out. Go to paulversey.com for all my shows. Obviously support Bill's Monday morning podcast,

support the Verzi effect. We got some big special guests coming in the next couple of weeks. And that's it. We'll see you guys next week. Please, please gamble responsibly. Go to, I'll do the read here, Andrew. I'll close it out.

Yeah. We don't need you. Here we go. Come on. Actually, I'll mute me for a second. I'm not sure. Here we go. BetMGM Sportsbook on iOS or Android, use the code BIRB, visit betmgm.com slash BIRB, sign up and deposit at least $10 into your account, place your first wager, you're going to get $1500 in bonus bets, alright, you'll see them listed there, all your individual bonus bets, you get some bonuses.

If the bet does lose, your bet will be available once your initial wager is settled. And another thing that they can also check out is the first touchdown prop. If that loses, there's some bonuses on that. You get your money back and then it applies to the next one. So check that out on the page too. I like props, so something worth checking out. There you go, guys. And like we always say on the show, man, do it the way we do it. We do it fun, responsibly. Don't go nuts with it. Just have a good time.

Ride our stuff out. And look, we've beat the book the last few years. I know we're off to a bad start, but let's see what happens. Let's see if we could go, I don't even know, is there a word for doing it four times in a row? I know there's a three, Pete, but what's the fourth thing?

A quad, Pete. A quad, Pete. We're trying that. We'll see you next week for week number three. Have a good time, enjoy football, everybody.