Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-13-18

Episode Date: September 13, 2018

Bill rambles about short people, throwing out trains, and NFL week one.

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Shit. By the way, you know, also checking in specifically if they can fucking still hear me. Anybody who's stuck around in North Carolina, Virginia, wherever else the Carolinas. The Cacolakis. I ain't fucking going anywhere. God damn it. I got a fucking bass boat. All right. I took the fucking camper off the back of my camper special. I welded it to my fucking bass boat. I am good to go. I'd like to see a fucking gator come along my way. All right. I have a feast and a new pair of fucking shoes. Watermarkerson, I'll make you into a fucking belt. Bring it on, mother nature. You fucking bitch.

That's what a lot of people... That's what a lot of people think. People who are not leaving despite all of the warnings are thinking. That's what they think is going on, right? I'll put on a pair of fucking snowshoes and I'll walk right across the fucking clouds. Oh, they're spinning. I don't give a shit. I drink moonshine. Spinning is my natural state, motherfucker. Mother nature coming over here like some sort of fucking ex-wife wanting more fucking money. A lot of people think that that's what's going on. But you know, people don't understand that what the bankers did in the 2000s is still affecting people.

And there's a lot of people who are still upside down in a house that's never going to be worth more than what they owe. The American dream is over for these people. And when you're in that situation, you know, that leads to driving a piece of shit car. It leads to a whole bunch of shit. You don't have health insurance and all of that. So now you're supposed to get into your fucking, you know, questionable car and just drive a state away with no fucking money. You know, you got kids, you got all of this shit. What are you going to do? Now I know on the other side, people go, well, you know, you at least should be alive. You know what I would do? Now that I'm driving dry and safe, I would just drive to a waffle house and I would sit in the parking lot.

You know what would happen? The security guard at the waffle house. There's no security. There's no security. They just have a, they have a bat phone to the cops at the waffle house. The waffle house, they have got to have the most fucking altercations and any just, I mean, it's just such a wonderful place. You go in there to get this delicious, unhealthy fucking food that just, it's comfort food. You know? And what happens? I swear to God, I don't care who the fuck you are, black, white, male, female, Asian, fucking, and a Rondack. You go in there. You're fucking going to get into a fight. You're going to see a fight. You're going to have to pick up your fucking waffles and move it out of the way as somebody slams down on your table like you're in some sort of fucking saloon in the 1800s. And you're telling me these people in North Carolina are supposed to drive to that fucking parking lot?

Well, Bill, don't you think that's better than trying to wait it out in a hurricane? I don't know, dude. I've never had to do that. You know, fortunately, I'm not in that financial fucking position. But, you know, I just don't understand how these fucking bankers got away with that. Oh, I understand how they did it. And they're doing it again with these luxury high-rise apartment buildings that they're fucking building everywhere. What kind of a fucking jerk off rents a luxury high-rise apartment building? Okay, don't do that. Buy a piece of shit house. Okay, at least at the end of living there, you can sell it and get some of your money back. You may or may not make a profit, but I'm just saying, you know?

All you Instagrammers, you know what's really interesting that I didn't realize? Do you know how old millennials are? Everybody is looking like myself included. You look at college kids. These fucking millennials, they can't do anything for themselves. They're not millennials. Alright, millennials, the first millennials. You know what year they were born? 1980. Okay, to 1995. So millennials right now are 22 to 38. And I imagine there's some other uninformed shitheads like me out there who are 38 years old and talking about people who are 18, calling them fucking millennials when they are not millennials,

but the person saying it is actually a fucking millennial. Alright, people? Now, you got to know what generation you're talking about. Like, you know what's funny? I'm actually generation X. So I was after the baby boomers and that ended in like, I don't know, 63 or 64 or something like that. And then generation X went up to 1979. And what's funny is I did not, I did, I don't identify as Gen X. No, generation X to me was the Seattle music scene. That's when I started fucking hearing it. I don't think, but I didn't think the baby boomers were like, hey man, we got to get out of Vietnam, man.

Fucking baby killer, man, right? I feel like this should be a generation between baby boomers and generation X. You know, that generation that like Ronnie James Dio, you know, but you know, didn't listen to the mamas and the papas. All the leaves are brown, leaves are brown, and the sky is gray. Like that shit. I like to watch your mama cats dance. She had a fucking cool little two-step she used to do. Anyways, I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about right now.

I'm just saying, you know, good luck to all of those people. I'm coming in next week if it's not under fucking water. I really hope it isn't and, you know, I don't know. It's crazy. This is just fucking crazy. I know we always had hurricanes and stuff, but like, I just hope they're not going to keep getting worse and the sheer amount of them. You know, there's nothing worse than watching people lose everything, right? If only there was a way to fix this. Mother Nature is trying right now. Trying with the only, the quickest, swiftest fucking solution.

That's literally, you know, metaphorically what she's doing right now. Going, I see what the problem is. I need to drown some of these motherfuckers. I need to drown a certain amount of them, right? But she's going to have to, the scary thing is she's going to have to do way better than what she's doing right now. Because we always warn everybody, oh god, oh god, right? The storm's coming and everybody gets to fuck out of dodge. So Mother Nature's got to be walking around just shaking her head after every one of these things going. I'm telling you, it doesn't make any fucking sense. She's like Mr. Pink, you know?

Tell me, we got a fucking rat. Okay, when those alarms go off, you got 15 minutes. I'm telling you, the cops here were just there, man. They were just there. Already, all loaded for bear. Now, I know I'm all right. I'm fucking positive. I gotta watch that movie again. Yeah, Mother Nature's got to be, we got a fucking rat in the house. Okay, so who's Tim Roth?

Tarantino's Mr. Brown, like Mr. Shit, Mr. Pink, Mr. Blonde, Mr. White, Mr. Orange. Yeah, she has to find out who are Mr. Oranges, and her Mr. Orange is the fucking Weather Channel, you know? She's got to come in there. So, you like to tell jokes, huh? Giggling like a bunch of girls in the school, you're like, well, I got a joke for you. Anyways, I've been working out, I've been eating right, and I got to tell you guys, I'm in like the fucking best shape I've been in in years, and it is fucking unbelievable. I know, people have always told me diet, it's 90% diets, 95%, 85%, 70% diet.

Dude, it's all diet. It's all diet, because like, if you can go kick the shit out of yourself, and a goddamn gym, jump on a fucking elliptical, you jump on elliptical for an hour, burn 600 calories according to that fucking computer, how the fuck it knows how much you're burning, versus somebody else, you know, whatever, it's an estimate. So you sweat all over the fucking thing, you don't wipe it off because you're a selfish cunt, you go walking out of there, right? And then later on that night, oh, you got to have like three and a half, four Oreo cookies,

and you just negated that workout. Done. All of that fucking work out the window, and you can fucking, it's like a minute and a half. You know what it's like? It's like every, whenever you put out these seasons, the F is for family. It takes us like fucking 14 months to finish them, and then people just... And I'm not saying, you know, that's how kids watch it. Not saying, I don't want you to do it.

I'm just saying. Then they just come back like, hey man, when's the next season coming up? Same thing. Same thing. I went out, I'm actually like, I am off sugar and salt. To the point, I asked my whaaf to go out and get some almond butter, and she got it. And I already knew there was something going on with it where it says you didn't have to stir this shit. I'm like, this doesn't sound like the natural, just doesn't feel like the natural shit.

So I put it in this smoothie, two tablespoons of this shit. And I immediately said, let's just fucking sugar in this. And after like, for like five weeks I've been eating like this. Like it literally almost made my fucking, I mean like I bit into a lemon, like Jesus Christ. And I never noticed that beforehand. So, if you're old like me, and you want to regain some of your old glory, you want to drive down the street with your hair slicked back, you want to put the top down. You want to tell these bitches what time it is.

It's all about diet. Your abs are there, man. If you didn't have, I don't have abs, yes you do. If you didn't have abs, you could not sit up in bed. You know, you couldn't even roll out of bed. You need your old bleaks. You could not roll out of bed to go downstairs and eat a chocolate chip muffin, or whatever other stupid thing that you're going to do that's going to make you break a blood vessel when you fucking sit down. You know that sit down that you do when you get really out of shape, or you use your leg muscles, and at some point it just becomes a free fall into the couch.

You give yourself whiplash, and your fucking head hits the table that your wife just had to have that was just a little bit higher than the couch, and boom, ah, fuck, right? Then immediately, what happened, honey? Oh, you put this fucking table here. I thought it looked nice, and now you're in a fight, right? And now you're going to work telling your friends that you're not getting along with your wife and what a fucking bitch she is and all of this type of shit, and what it really comes down to is you're not eating right. You're not eating right, so you literally have to do a truss fall into your fucking couch.

You get a fucking mild concussion on the giant end table that she just had to have. Just had to have it, and it's like, for what? I'm loving the Southern accent lately. It kind of disguises that it's actually my own ignorance saying it. Oh, no, no, I was just doing a character. I was just doing a character. What, they got a woman doing play-by-play in the NFL? Oh, my God. You gotta be kidding. These women, they don't even like sports.

Oh, they do? Then why the fuck are there only eight people at a WNBA game? You explain that to me. It's all women on the court. Why aren't these feminists out there at the fucking, at the goddamn, whatever they called, Oklahoma twat game? Well, why don't you watch an episode of The Real Housewives? Maybe you figure out that's why they don't show up. Shit. Maybe they are three minutes. They'd be fucking lunging over a goddamn table. Ain't gonna be no cameraman there. Not enough cameraman to break it up.

I went down a Randy Newman rabbit hole the other night. Jesus Christ, that guy is talented, huh? I'm old enough to remember that song. Short people got no reason. Short people got no reason. Short people got no reason to live. And that came out and all these short people got mad. And he was, he was making fun of racism, the ridiculousness of racism, right? They got little cars go beep, beep, beep. They got little voices going peep, peep, peep. Grubby little hands, dirty little minds, and people once again took it at face value. But you know, having said that, that song came out and then there was a bunch of people that didn't get what it was about

and they were singing it to short people. So I don't know. It was so brilliant on so many different levels and I love his voice. I love the piano he plays and he's done all these, all these great songs from movies and stuff like that. And I actually looked up to see if he was touring anywhere. There's some really great footage of him too, actually with that short people thing where he's in the studio, like an incredible, incredible sense of humor, you know, as most, you know, geniuses that I've seen always self-deprecating and that type of stuff. It's really funny how that is.

You know, people who stink just walk around like they're fucking astronauts. Just supreme confidence, you know, always thinking they killed. With just no fucking clue. It's just like, it's just one of those fucking things, you know. I don't know. That's always a red flag to me when someone's walking around. Maybe that's my own fucking thing. Maybe that's the Boston thing. Like, easy there, kid. Don't forget where you came from. Fucking relax. Easy there, Travolta. Anyways, what else? What else is there to talk about? I've just been, yeah, I was, you know, it was fucking amazing.

I was watching this episode last night, Sunset Strip, and they showed the Kowanga Pass, which is where the 101 goes from Hollywood into the Valley. And there's this old bridge, and they were showing like footage of it from the 1950s. And I'd seen this before at a car dealership that had all these old pictures of Hollywood. And you see on the 101, between the 101 North and the 101 South, at the Kowanga Pass, is in between our railroad tracks that no longer exist. And it's always like, you know, they used to, this city, believe it or not, what, you know, the tree huggers saved me on.

It had one of the greatest public transportations of any city. And the conspiracy theory is that the oil company, companies in a Goodyear tire created a corporation, and they bought up all the street cars, all the trains, and all the trolleys, and all that type of shit. They bought it up and just ripped up all the tracks, paved over everything. And forcing people to all have to drive. So then they, like, they would make so much fucking money that they could buy a business as big as that with trains. Who can afford to throw out a one fucking train? Forget about a whole city full of them.

Street cars and trolleys and all that ripped up all the fucking tracks. I mean, I don't know what happened, but there's something happened, because it makes no sense. You know, street cars were the best. You know, they still have them in, like, San Francisco. And I'm not talking about the stupid one where you go up the fucking hill like you were, I mean, those old school, the ones that I grew up seeing. I don't know, but they're actually, they're building, they are building public transportation out here again. So we shall see. It's weird, though, because everything then got built up like everybody had a car. So, like, most buildings, just to go from the sidewalk to the building, it's like, you ever go to Vegas and you're like, oh, I'm going to walk across the street to this other casino,

and like fucking, you know, 15 minutes later, you're on your hands and knees going like, water, water! Like, it's like an illusion. It looks like it's right there. It's right across the street. It is so fucking far away. I know the, at Caesars, what's hilarious is you can go from the mirage to the, to Caesars, and they just have this moving air-conditioned sidewalk, you know, and there's just all these fat, sweaty people on it, you know. The thing should actually be moving in the opposite direction. It should be a giant treadmill for these people, and you should have to walk on it for 10 minutes, then it shuts off and rolls the other way. You should, you should, you should have to earn it. You know?

Um, there'd just be too much, too much liability. Somebody has a heart attack, somebody slips and falls, so they don't. They just convey your belt, you know, like cattle off the slaughter. Jesus, Bill! Why can't it just be people who are just fat and happy, you know, going in, you know, wearing their favorite loud shirt to go play some craps? You know what? You know, I think you guys might have a point on this one. Um, so anyways, the first week of NFL has gone by. Now, you know what everybody's doing. Everybody looks at week one, and then they just say that's who these people are.

The New York Jets, are they the favorites in the AFC East? They won one game. Um, I'll tell you, the Patriots looked good, but all of a sudden, a Texan came back and made it really close. If I was a Patriot fan, I would be concerned about that. I don't know about you guys. Don't you feel like there's about three weeks in? You know, you can kind of start to tell, like, okay, this team is this, this team is that, and then there's, you know, injuries. You don't know what the fuck's going to happen. But I really don't think that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are going to put up 48 points a week while letting up 40.

Are the Saints going to let up 48? I don't fucking know, right? Is Cincinnati going to go down by 20 every fucking week and then come roaring back and fucking waiting? I don't know, maybe they will. Maybe this is what's going to happen. Um, I'll tell you right now, Cincinnati, I mean, if this is what they're going to be, this is going to be the most exciting season they've ever had. Um, anyways, so I am going to, uh, I'm going to be in town this whole weekend. Cause I have a, I have a bunch of big gigs coming up. So, uh, I am touring like I used to tour. So I have like one weekend off until like towards the end of October. And, um, but this weekend obviously got moved to next weekend, which was my only weekend off. So it kind of worked out.

And, um, so my wife was going, Hey, I got some stuff to do Saturday afternoon. Do you mind, you know, hanging out with our daughter and blah, blah, blah. It's like, why, why are you out of your course? I don't, of course I'm going to have to hang with my daughter and watch LSU versus Auburn. Are you kidding me? This is a dream. It's a fucking dream. Well, I ain't going to be a dream. They got a goddamn broad announcing the fucking game. Um, it would still be a dream. I don't give a shit. Welcome ladies. Welcome to the world of broadcasting. Um, anyways, uh, yeah, I can't wait to my, we took our daughter over to get some shots. You know what I mean? Like, uh, I decided to stop listening to Hollywood celebrities and actually listen to people in the medical field.

So my daughter is getting all the shots. We stretched them out or whatever. So she went there to get like her shot. So she's been there numerous times. And, um, so now like she knows when we go in there that this is the place where she feels that needle and stuff. So she's like on there. She's like, you know, when I used to bring my dog to the vet, you know, same thing. So I'm trying to make her laugh and stuff. So we ended up going in there and the woman nurse, she's great. She just real quick gets it done. And, um, my daughter said her first three word sentence after she got the shot. Like she was already crying when we laid back anticipating and then she got the shot. And then she, uh, she let out this yell. Uh, just broke my heart.

And then she looked at the nurse and she just goes, Oh, done. Bye. Bye. Like it was so fucking cute. And it also like broke my heart all at the same time. I picked her up and she, you know, a little hand grabbing a handful of my shirt. Like Terry O'Reilly back in the day, but she's trying to hug me and she just kept looking at the nurse. The nurse goes, it's all okay. That's it. Yeah. All done. She just kept going. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. It was just like, it was like a kid going, I don't, you know, get the fuck away from me, man.

Bye-bye. Like, I can't even, I can't even recreate um, that moment. Um, it's, so, I was so glad that I was there as a dad because I gotta be honest with you, like, I would stay out in the waiting room because I could not handle, I was hearing those babies crying there, and I was just like, you know, I don't know that I could, I could handle, even if it's a good thing, watching somebody on any level hurting my kid, and I know that they're doing it for the right thing, but it was just like, so I went in there, um, and I got through it, and I'm glad I did. I was glad that I did, and, uh, it was, oh my god, it was so fucking cute. It was so cute. Aw, done. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Just kept saying it, like, like, I'm done with you.

Get away from me, I don't want any more of this shit. I just can't, I can't, like, the emotion in her voice, I just can't put into fucking words for whatever reason. Um, anyways, let's do some advertising here for the week. My bookie, everybody, I call them in every week, or I call in, uh, do they have a, I didn't know what the fuck it is I'm calling, I'm so goddamn busy. I know I call in a couple people, I do my pics here. Alright, my bookie, you know, ever since I started this podcast, people have been asking me for advice. Ask me what team to bet on, the truth is, I don't know, I don't know who's gonna win, I don't know shit, I can't even name half the quarterbacks in the league.

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All right. The Thursday afternoon podcast. Now, you get the little transition music, and then you get two extra fucking things here. This is incredible. You're going to get to listen to me talking to what the hell did it go? The sports gambling podcast with Sean Green and Ryan. Kramer! You get to listen to my picks.

You get to listen to my picks of the week. I actually think my lock of the week was that someone was going to say something disparaging about the female announcer. And as far as I can tell, nothing really happened. You know, I was just funnin', right? The end of mine. I said good luck to everybody. Well, they should have a transgendered person in there.

Fuckin' do it! Dude, as long as they're still playing football, I don't give a fuck, all right? As long as you know what you're talking about, I don't care what's between your legs, what you used to have there, what you attached, what you carved out. I don't give a fuck. Just please, for the love of God, know what you're talking about and enhance the experience. Don't take away from it, all right? In other words, do the exact opposite of what I do in my fuckin' podcast.

All right, have a great weekend, you cunts. Let's go LSU! Actually, Randy Newman has a song called Rednecks, where he's actually making fun of northern liberals. When it comes to racism, how everybody acts like, you know, all the racism is down south. It's a song you could never write today, because of the lyrics, but, you know, if you actually knew what he was talking about. But there's a line in there. Got college kids at LSU, go in dumb, come out dumb too. So I figured people of Alabama would like to listen to that one, right?

Or maybe Mississippi. It's always the state next door, Arkansas. I've noticed like states always think the state next to them is fuckin' stupid, and they're better. You know, which is why rough and rowdy is so fuckin' tremendous. They're the only people I've ever seen that really exploit that state-to-state rivalry at the level that people really want to take it to. All right, we play football because it's illegal to just go and beat the shit out of each other. But with rough and rowdy, like when they had it down in the Carolinas, I had no idea how much people in South Carolina and North Carolina didn't care for one another.

You know, and literally thought because of that invisible line. If you were on the other side of it, that meant that you were less than them. It's fuckin' tremendous. So, the next rough and rowdy event, unfortunately, I'm not gonna be there, but you can bet, good and goddamn well, I'm gonna order it, and I'm gonna tape it, and I'm gonna sit down with my Miller highlights, and I'm gonna watch it. The next one, I believe, is in Kentucky, and it's on October 5th, but I have a gig in Boston that night, so I won't be able to do it. Please, please tune in. Dave Portnoli, Big Cat, and all those hilarious people over there.

All right, that is it. Enjoy your weekend, you cunts, and I'll talk to you. Music Look at them yoyos, that's the way you do it. You play the guitar on MTV, that ain't working, that's the way you do it. Money for nothing when you choose to freeze. Now that ain't working, that's the way you do it. Let me tell you, damn guys ain't dumb.

Maybe get a pistol on your little finger. Bill Burr on the Sports Gaming Podcast is brought to you by MyBookie.ag. MyBookie is the leader in online sports books. Use the promo code BillBetz for a 100% deposit bonus. Play, win, and get paid at MyBookie.ag. Okay. Joining us on the line, Bill Burr, Bill, I know, I know you said you had some traveling to do this past Sunday. Were you able to enjoy NFL week one? Yeah, I watched the, the Patriots game, although my direct TV was kind of cutting in and out

for whatever reason. So I watched a little bit of that. I saw a little bit of the Jets and I watched John Gruden's return and I was loving the first half. It was great seeing him there. I thought it was funny when we say, and he couldn't, he wasn't going to be able to write to these younger kids and he got rid of all the young kids. He has like the oldest team in the NFL. That's either going to be, I think actually I think it's kind of a genius move on his part. Yeah. It seemed to be a bold play to kind of do what Gruden did. And obviously the second

half didn't work out. I mean, last week we hit on it. I think you're a lot cashed that the, every sports announcer will be coming out with the sky is falling down. And that certainly seems to be the case for the Raiders. And then on the positive side, the Jets. Well, why, I mean, the Raiders play like the first half state, they were, they met a really good Rams team. I mean, like the Raiders have been like, like, you know, a slapstick show forever. I think for a week one night that was, I would be happy with that. If I was a Raiders fan, I'm even with that second half second, but it was just like, they didn't look coolest. I mean, it's only week one. Yeah, I know. And the Jets are now like, you

know, they're already going to, you know, whatever they say, whatever that USC guy did. Yeah, they're like, you know, what he did week one that Tom Brady did this first week. And it's just like, you know, and I'm not saying that that guy isn't going to be great or anything, but like, like, I don't think you really even know what's going on until after three weeks as far as just like, all right. I mean, look at that, that Tampa Saints game, 48, 40. I mean, is that what they're going to be doing each week? I don't know. I'm giving up 40 or the other way around it. That just seems like sometimes it's just weird games. And I don't think Stafford's going to throw five interceptions. It just, you know, sometimes you just have

a bad game. And I don't know. That was, that was that Jets game. It was, you know, I mean, obviously if they do that every week, they're going to be world leaders, but I got a feeling that they're not going to be. Yeah. I agree. And just as a, as a, someone who grew up as the Jets as like the little brother team, just listening them chant J ETS, Jets, Jets, Jets. It's like, calm down, one win. And the worst hot take of the week so far is the, you know, Brett Farb's first pass in the NFL was an interception too. It's like, calm down, calm down. There's too many channels.

They have to overhype everything. But what the Jets did was obviously really impressive. And I, you know, I'm an AFC East guy. So Miami went to, and then Buffalo got killed. So yeah. Buffalo, good Lord. They ever going to turn it around, but it's only one week. Who knows? But I mean, you know, it's funny that they said how the Patriots for the first time since 2016 are not favorites next week. And I was thinking like, well, 2016 isn't that long ago, you know? So, I mean, I guess it is as far as like, you know, being a favorite, all of those, all of those games, but, you know, they may have seemed like it was going to be a decade ago.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, New England, they came out, they took care of business against the Texans. It wasn't, it was, it was, it was, it was a weird game. It didn't, it, you never thought the Patriots were going to lose, but the spread seemed like it might come into a play at Gronk. Obviously looking great. I mean, Yeah. But then we'll let them back in the game. And then I'm just sitting there with like six minutes to go. Like, are they going to tie this up? Like, how did we get into the switch? I kind of like, you know, I was very impressed with our defense, you know, containment of

their quarterback. Like never going to remember his frigging name. Yeah. Yeah. Watson. Um, but our special teams kind of let up a lot of yards. It seemed like every time they ran it back, they got at least to the 30. Um, I don't know. We, we shall see, but our defense looks pretty solid. Well, you know, it's only one week. Well, they finally, they finally got rid of Patricia who took that garbage defense to Detroit. Oh man. How? Yeah. I mean, if you're, if you're a lions fan and you watch the Super Bowl and then week one Monday night against the New York jets, you could not be happy. It's like you brought in a defensive coordinator. The defense sucked and you kept the offensive

coordinator cause you liked the chemistry and they looked like horrible dog shit. So I don't know a lot of good regression angles in the NFL for me to exact. I mean, that's when you're talking about betting the NFL, that's what you, that's kind of what you have to do. You have to look to opportunities to fade some crazy outcome. Like you said, Bill, with the, the box putting up 48 points on the road, I have a feeling Ryan Fitzpatrick isn't going to do that week too. Just, just gut instinct. There's a reason he's not doing that every week. It's, it's a fluke. Crazy shit. I don't think there's any, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the same thing. Yeah. But I don't know. It's, it was, yeah, it was definitely

a weird, it's a lot of weird games, but we'll, we'll see what ends up a tie. I came in the last time I saw a tie. Oh, what's funny is I, one of the things I bet on this season is there will be no tie this, I won on it last year, the first week of the season, bam. And of course it's the fucking Browns. Yeah. What is the odds on that? It paid like one and a half to one. It just seems like there's no, like you said, there's never a tie even now with only the 10 minute overtime. It seems like it's the NFL. They're not going to end in a tie. Come on. Yeah. They, they should switch it to the college football rules for overtime because that's such a more exciting way to finish the game. And then you never

end up with a tie. Hey, one and a half. One, does that mean you had to beat up to bet 250 to make a hundred? No. So I bet a hundred and I would win 150 plus my original bet back. So it felt, it felt like the right, I mean, I, you know, obviously it's a losing bet. So hindsight is, is what it is, but yeah, ties are just both teams really tried to lose the game. That's what it was. Yeah. We were, we were actually out in Las Vegas hanging out in the sports book when they missed that field goal to end the game in a tie. It was the sports books. Great for dramatic wins and losses, but dramatic ties. It's just no one's happy. Even if you had Cleveland plus three and a half, you still wanted to see them

hit that field goal just to, just to end the suffering. It was like we were at a strip club and a dude walked out on stage. Everyone was just like, Oh, trying to make sense of this. All right. Well, you know what? The Browns are under seated. Who would have thought you'd say that? And yeah, this is their one week into the season. This is their best start in over 14 years. Best start since 2004, which they were loving that stat. All right. Well, let's, let's get into some of these spreads. Of course, the spreads are brought to you by my bookie dad, a G the, one of the safest online sports books, use the promo code bill bets for a hundred percent deposit bonus. They got it all over there in game way during

the prop builder play, win and get paid. My bookie dad, a G promo code bill bets. All right. First game to talk about New England Patriots, they head into Jacksonville where the Jaguars right now are a, the Pats actually are favorite in this game. They're a three point favorite right now. Jags. Yeah. Jags are the home dog here. We're looking at a rematch of the AFC championship, although it was played in a New England and not Jacksonville bill. Are you worried about the, the Jags defense here on the road? Yeah. Tom Coughlin is, is Ben, you know, obviously he's, he's, he's beating us twice in Super Bowls and everything. Look how quickly he's turned that team around. Everywhere the

guy goes, he takes, you know, frightened from back as days when he's with Boston Coles. I'm a big fan of Tom Coughlin and he's getting three points at home. And if the Jaguars defense is as good as they're saying, I would take, I would take the Jags. I wouldn't be afraid. I would take the Jaguars, getting three at home. You know, they, they, I just think they're a really tough team. And we'll see, we'll see. I mean, obviously I'm rooting for the Patriots, but we're talking money here. Yeah, exactly. You can't mess around to keep the lights on here. I would take the Jaguars getting three. Yeah. It does feel like that's the smart play. I mean, you touched on it last week, Sean,

the Patriots generally aren't playing their best ball in September. And guess what? This is the biggest game on the schedule for the Jags after blowing that game in New England. So I mean, look, the, the Pats let a Houston team that played pretty poorly get back in the game and Watson was not himself. So I'm going to, I'll say, unless Bortles completely Bortles it, I think the Jags, Jags are going to win this game. Yeah. And you talk about Tom Coughlin style, the way to beat New England is the, to try and get pressure on Tom Brady with just using your defensive line and not blitz in a bunch of guys. And the Jags have that strong defensive line that might be able to, well, might not

dominate the game, but certainly pressure Brady enough. And I think what the, the Pats have going for them is Leonard for net looks like he's going to be out for the Jags. Jags don't have a ton of offensive weapons. Honestly, I think the play in this game, maybe, maybe to go under it feels like it's going to be a little slug match here, but I'll take the Jags catching three and are you match at home? Yeah, I know. God hates Jags. Sean, remember that. Next up, not believed in the under since this, everybody throws handoffs now. You know what I mean? I just haven't been able to, you can't cover receiver past five yards. I just, I always get nervous bet in the, bet in the under. I mean, boy,

if you want to fade recency, just take the under in every game. I feel like there, there, there perhaps may be an over adjustment to the totals after that week one, yeah, everything. I mean the, the fantasy, everything, the scoring was just off the charts. Yeah. It is, it is tough to bet the under. I mean, just for the entertainment value alone to just root against every play to succeed, but I don't think anybody's ever going to break Emmett Smith's all time rushing record. They just, the opportunities just aren't there anymore. No. Yeah. I mean, it's, I think it's going to be really hard for any running backs to set marks going forward. Cause I mean, half their touches are going to be passes. He's

going to be like that guy who's won the most games, like whoever won the most games in MLB histories. It's like in the 500s. It's just like, it's just like it's going to, it's going to seem that daunting. Like it was a different era. Yeah. I mean, you saw, you saw your head, saw young has over 800 starts. They're not doing that anymore. No, they, yeah. I mean, they're never going to come even close to getting there. Yeah. You pitch a whole double header. They were men back then. They were men back then bill and they had a steak, giant cigar called it a bit of a beer league. You know, let's be honest. Yeah. I mean, you look at Babe Ruth. He does, he does strike you as

your uncle at a softball game. We can just crush it. We just had a little bit of hand to eye coordination. Yeah. I used to play in a softball team when I was working in a warehouse and they always had these, these ringers would come out and they all were built like Babe Ruth little skinny legs, big beer belly and they would just get up there and they would turn that torso and the thing would go a mile. Yeah. That's like, I mean, that was Cecil fielder. You know, he was, he was the modern day version of that. Yeah. All right. Next up, we got the New York giants heading down to Dallas right now. It's sitting at a even minus three here. Both teams started out, Oh, and one neither, neither

looked great to a, I mean, giants lost at home to the Jags Cowboys lost on the road to the Panthers. Bill, which way you lean in here? I hate this game. I know. I hate this game where it's just like, like the Cowboys, I don't know. They're at home. It's a division rivalry. So the games are always close. You can never bet against Eli, but Eli doesn't seem like he gets excited until like November, but they got that running back. Jesus. Am I going to go giants giants with Tom Coughlin? And then I'm going to go, I think I'm going to go Eli. I think, you know, they beat us twice. So I mean, I, I gotta keep going with these guys. I'm going to see completely different teams. I, I believe in Eli. And I think the

Des Bryant hangover in this whole, whatever the hell they've done, reformation of the Cowboys is the hangover lasts for at least three weeks. I'm going with the giants. Kramer, I'm assuming you're going to be back in your giants as well. I also believe in Eli. I appreciate all these mentions of Tom Coughlin and the Superbowl wins. And you should see how excited Ryan is getting on the other end of this. But I mean, here's the thing, right? I think I was talking to my dad today and I was like, I, you know, I actually wasn't that upset. The giants played fine. They played a really good team. They played a really good defense more importantly. And the offensive players got

theirs. They just, they were picked six away. So, but what I, what they saw in the Dallas Cowboys game was a team that even when Keekley was out of the game, this team struggled to do anything. And Dak, as we know, Sean, Dakota Prescott, not the best quarterback in the NFL. So Eli has historically played well in Dallas. I'm going to keep throwing that out there. And yeah, no, of course you, you take the kid, take the giants before it gets off of three. Yeah. As much as it pains me, I'm going to take the, I'm going to take the giants getting three points. You look at the Cowboys, they're only, they got seek and that's it. Their offensive

line isn't the dominant force that it was. And they, they have no skill positions to help deck out on that offense. I think they're just going to have trouble putting up points and the giants, their weaknesses, the offensive line, obviously the Jags were able to exploit that. I don't see the Cowboys being able to get enough pressure on Eli. And listen, it is Sunday night, Sunday night football. I think your buddy Odell Ryan, in spite of the fact that he is not one of the games he went on the infamous boat trip, I think they get a victory down in, down in Dallas stadium there. So I'll, I'll take the giants plus three. I don't feel, I don't feel great about it because Dallas coming off at a loss. Maybe

they rally, but I am just still not a believer in Jason Garrett at all as a head coach. I think Dakota Prescott sounds like some country singer on one of those American Idol shows. So true. I mean, it's just, it's, it cracks me up. His name's Dakota vote now for Dakota Prescott. It's the fact that he is also Prescott. Yeah. You could, you could be Dakota something or something Prescott, but Dakota Prescott, that's a tough one, man. You just like, you're just born with an acoustic guitar and a cowboy hat. Second you come out. Yeah. You imagine it's a, yeah, he's like a, a chick with a cut off flannel shirt with some like short jeans shorts coming out with the acoustic guitar ready to wow you with their

latest rendition. That's another way of looking at it. I didn't have him in Daisy. Well, he's he is, he is a woman in my scenario bill. He's not, he's not, and Sean, let's not forget that Dak Prescott to, sorry, Dakota's Prescott favorite song is drops of Jupiter by train. That was a little known nugget about Dakota. That was the trivia fact we dug up. All right. Last game of the week that we'll be breaking down here, Kansas city chiefs coming off a nice win on the road against the Los Angeles chargers. Now they're heading into Pittsburgh. Obviously Pittsburgh coming off that ugly, ugly tie against the Cleveland Browns right now. My bookie has the Pittsburgh Steelers as minus five favorites at home. Bill, which

way you lean in here? You know, I didn't see a second of that Steelers game. I don't know what, how was big Ben looking? He looked pretty like typical road, big Ben like through five, what five interceptions, five interceptions, five turnovers, maybe and no, I think he, I think he threw maybe four or five picks. They had six turnovers overall, but he didn't look good at all. I like the Steelers at home. I don't like that number though. They always pick the perfect number. We just sit on the fence, which way it might get a fall. You know what? I say to Steelers, they're going to cover the chiefs of the chiefs. Yeah, just the chiefs, you know what I mean? Until they're not the chiefs

of the chiefs, the Steelers are still the Steelers. I mean, I'm just going to be like historical betting here in the first couple of weeks. I mean, I don't know who anybody is at this point. Well, and I think, you know, talk about overreaction. Oh my God, big Ben was horrible. He's always bad on the road. Oh my God. They tie in September. They tied the Browns. Oh, let me on bells out there. I love big Ben. He's old school. You can take a hit. Like that guy, you know, he's just, you know, and he gets it done in the big moments of the games. And I don't know. I, I, I believe in that guy still. Yeah. He, he just like, he plays well on the home

at home. And that's why I like this. Like we're going to fade public perception that the Steelers stink and we're going to fade public perception that the chiefs are going to win the Superbowl. Cause Oh my God, Andy Reed started well again. I mean, look, this is a classic fade recency. This line opened at seven, Sean and people have been crushing the chief side of this. So let the number come down. I'm also going to be on the Steelers, Sean. I think this is a great kind of fade recency both ways here. Wow. It's going to be a clean sweep. We're all integrants and all these picks. I love the Steelers at home coming off a, I mean,

not a loss, but it may as well be then you come home for their home opener. You know, you're going to bounce back. And then meanwhile you got the chiefs coming off a huge road victory to go to the other side of the country in Pittsburgh, Oh, I'm smelling them. So like, come on. Yeah. And we watched that. We watched that game, Ryan. The chief secondary looked horrible. Like, Hey, I don't want to be a geography snob, but they're not going to the other side of the country. It's called the Kansas city to Pittsburgh. That's, you know, Midwest to just into the East coast. I was, I was factoring in the, them going out to LA, then to Kansas city, then out to

Pittsburgh, but yeah, I got the team playing. Come on. They got a connection and united in the middle seat. You know, I think they'll be all right. They're going to have Crip next. They're not going to, they're going to be dehydrated from all those salty peanuts. I just, I just think it's a good spot for Pittsburgh at home home opener. Yeah. The Kansas city defense is just, they're passing defense in particular is just horrible. And it's a passing league. I, I just feel like Pittsburgh is going to be able to throw all over them. How can you say with confidence that they're passing these stinks? I'm not giving you crap here. Just after one week, well, I'll give you two reasons. One reason is I, I watched

the game and I saw that the chargers receivers were wide open a number of times that just dropped easy catchable balls. And then two, other than that, other than that, my other, my other deeper reason is I sit next to a chief's fan at work and every day he opens up his laptop and starts reading blogs and just goes, our fucking secondary fucking sucks. So I'm kind of using that as well. There you go. Okay. I'm convinced. Sold one you over. All right, Bill, do you, you know, wrap things up here. You hit with your lock last week. You were, you were two in one with your picks. The lock, of course, was that the sky was falling down or that the, the announcers would all proclaim the sky was

falling down. Yes. Hopefully we get that three and O this week, but what's your, what's your lock prediction for a NFL week two? Uh, one person tweets that women should not be play by play announcers and by Wednesday, well, I guess it's turning Tuesday. Uh, I'll give another two days. Some, somebody's going to say something. Oh yeah. Somebody will say something and then it's going to become this huge thing. And then I think by this time next year, all play by play people will be women. That will be, that's, that, that is my lock. Lock it up. Doris Burke will be doing every, by the way, as a, as a joke, I was joking with my buddy going to, I go, dude, Bert Reynolds died in the play by play on Monday night. Football

is a female. I go, it really is over. We had a great run. So as a joke, I actually looked up the Elks club going like, I'm going to just see what the Elks club that's in men's club or whatever. I looked it up and in 2005, first of all, I looked it up and the picture was of a woman when you go to the website of members, like they sued in 2005 and one. So like even, they've even infiltrated obviously the, I mean, I mean, arguably the biggest group of jerk off men in the country. I mean, you literally talking, I think we're like the hats with the little tassels. It's hilarious. Like I looked it up. I would never join it, but I was just, I just, it was going to get a kick out of the fact that there was one place left where you could just

chill out and not have to adjust your behavior gentlemen. Yeah. No, Elks club. It's over. It is over, man. It was the Elks club in Augusta national and both those have been infiltrated. They are now no longer all male. All right. We had a hell of a run dude. We had a hell of a run. Yeah. Men really did have a hell of a run. Hey, all every dynasty must come to an end. Tens of thousands of years. Troy Emmett and what's his face? Are all the triplets? Yeah, we were a three headed monster for a long time. Well, this is a lot of people are saying this is a rebuilding year for men. You know, we're, we're hoping to get the number one draft pick, took a lot of heat, lost a lot of, lost a lot of, took a lot of L's out there.

Yeah. We're going to try to forget about last year and you know, we're going to hit reset. We got John Gruden back. He's back for a different time. So much John Gruden face. I can't wait. Oh man. It was, he was loved seeing him back there, man. It was so funny how like he was just kind of a different guy in the broadcast booth. And then the second he put the, the headphones back on again, he just wanted to break back to the Chuckie face. I loved it. Yeah. The thing that was frustrating about him as an announcer was that clearly he thought about getting back into coaching. So he wouldn't bad mouth guys on the air and he just loved everyone. Hey, he's a great guy. He's like, Oh, look at this guy. And then as soon as he's got that headset on,

you could just see him screaming and yelling. He was, he was just looking so pissed at cars. He got that job. He cut half the team. I thought you said you loved me in the broadcast booth. Yeah. Not on the playing field. Yeah. All right. Well, we'll see how we do gentlemen. I'm going to get more bold with my predictions as once, you know, hopefully, you know what, actually my shows got moved this weekend because of that hurricane, which hopefully goes out to see. I'm supposed to work in Virginia and South Carolina. So I'm hoping that, you know, you know, a lot of those people are probably still upside down in their houses because of the piece of shit bankers. So the last thing they need is a hurricane to hit the house that's

going to be worth more than what they owe on it. Screwed by the insurance companies as well. Yes. Yeah. For the trifecta. So I'm, that's what I'm thinking about this week. I'm supposed to be there to follow me, but I, but the other side was I will be home and have enough time to watch some games. So hopefully silver lining. Shout out to Dakota Prescott. Love it. All right. And obviously check out bill bird.com for all the upcoming tour information. And of course, check out my bookie dot A G promo code bill bets for that a hundred percent deposit bonus play when you paid my bookie dot A G. Hey, what's going on? It's bill Burr and it is the Monday morning podcast for Monday, September

13th, 2010. What's going on? How are you? You feeling good? I'm going to try to pretend like I am. I actually went out drinking last night and a little banged up a little banged up. It's actually 10 to one East coast time. I'm in New York city. This is the biggest week of the year for me. I'm back here doing press for my new one hour special. Let it go that comes out and premieres. They switched the date on me. It is now it's Sunday, September 19th at 11 p.m. So please tune in. Please listen. Please watch. Please invite other people over. Why don't you have a little fucking stand up comedy party? Don't they have those? They have Super Bowl parties. You know, we invite a bunch of broads over and they talked during the game and they shut up during the commercials.

I kind of like that one. How much do you think that that one costed it? Anyways, yeah, so I'm in town this week. I'm going to be doing the opiate Anthony program, my fucking favorite. I'm going to be doing that. I believe I'm going to be doing something on the versus network. I'm going to be talking to anybody with a microphone this week doing my gosh darned est to try and get people to listen to my fucking podcast, but not my podcast. See what happens when I multitask to get people to watch my special and I'm going to apologize for the lack of funny up until this point already right out of the fucking gate just because I have to make sure I get this information out at the beginning of the podcast. All right, so my special September 19th at 11pm

on Comedy Central. Please go ahead and watch it. And if you want to preorder my DVD, look into your heart. If you want to order this thing for an unbelievably ridiculously almost an embarrassingly low price, you can order the fucking thing for like $13 and like 29 cents on amazon.com. I don't know how the fuck they came up with that price, but I got to admit I felt a little insulted. You know, why don't you just fucking give it away amazon.com. So there you go. Why don't you buy two? Look at that. Because right after that it's going to be $19.99. So then if you actually go out and buy two, then if you come out to my show you'll be like, dude, stop bitching about your free fucking podcast because I actually bought two of your DVDs. And I'll be thinking in

my head, wow, this guy dropped 40 bucks. What a good shit. And you'll be laughing because in the back of your head you're like, actually, I dropped 26 and change, you know, 26 and change. I mean, what can you, what can you get two of for $26? I can get gum, get two packs of gum. Actually, probably get a lot more than that. Of course, if you go to Foot Locker, those fucking t-shirts, you can get like, what can you get like, like 58 t-shirts at Foot Locker? Is that Michael Moore's next movie? If I was Michael Moore and I was going, what the fuck should I, in the next movie should I make about how poor people are sad and rich people are evil? I would try and find who are the people who may, who are these people that make the fucking t-shirts

at Foot Locker? You know, how do they give you fucking like nine t-shirts for $18? How do they do that? You know what, this, I'm not even hungover, but I just, I, rather than being hungover, which I should have been, but I wasn't, but I'm not, whatever I'm trying to say, I just woke up with just weird music in my head. You ever do that? You wake up, you drank last night, you not hung over, but you just wake up and then you're just singing some song that you haven't even thought of for years. I was just walking around my, my fucking apartment here, just walking around going something like it hot, something like it hot, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, then how it goes, feel the heat, burning into the knife of the night, whatever the fuck it is.

Is that Robert Palmer? Something like it hot. Oh, Robert Palmer, tell us about your new sexy, sultry single with that hot Latino beat underneath it. Well, I had recently gone to Cuba and I inserted a fucking goheba into some fucking prostitutes orifice and I was just really overwhelmed by the culture down there. Don't you fucking hate that? You know what I mean? Whenever like the white star tries to have some sort of ethnic beat under their music and then they always got to talk about some trip that they took to Swahili and how when they were sitting there in that Walden resort, they somehow fucking absorb the culture. You know, you guys ever gone down to the Caribbean? You gone down to the Caribbean? However the fuck you say it, some people say Caribbean,

some people say Caribbean. But to me, it's all one beautiful universe. You guys went down to the Caribbean to go scuba diving, to be nose to nose with a fucking barracuda. They got barracudas down there? Quick, why don't you look it up and then send me an email and tell me how fucking uninformed I am. Actually, barracuda are indigenous to the seas off of Brazil. Shut the fuck up. I can look the shit up too. What is it, a freshwater fish? If you go down to like fucking Uruguay, can you get a barracuda sandwich? You know, just to start your day rather than getting like a bacon, egg and cheese. Do they do that and do they use the whole fish? Because they're better than Americans where we would just like use like just the best part of the fish and then

the rest we would just sort of throw out the window, just toss it back into the ocean and it gets all hooked up with like old rollerblades and fucking those shoes every guy wore in the late 90s. Remember those fucking shoes, those slip on shoes that sort of look like sneakers, kind of look like shoes. Remember those fucking things? Where are all those right now? I'll tell you where they are. They're floating out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, getting broken down in the sunlight, right? And then some dolphin inhales it and then you go out to Japan, right? And they don't give a fuck about dolphins. You guys see the Cove? You know, the fucking dolphin Schindler's List basically. I couldn't, I just heard what that movie was about and I

fucking love animals so much that I couldn't, I couldn't even, no Schindler's List actually had somebody fucking decent in it, trying to help out those being slaughtered. Ah, what the fuck am I, I didn't even see the goddamn movie. All I heard was there's a bunch of people, they drive these dolphins into this fucking Cove and then they just beat them to death and it was uh, it was so, just to hear it was so fucking sad and then it just made me so goddamn angry that I was like, you know what, I'm not gonna fuck, I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not gonna watch that stuff because what am I gonna do? Uh-oh, who got himself a treat at the local deli? This is, this is how you get out of shape in New York, even though you walk around

all the time, is you just walk into a deli and you're like, you know what, I'm gonna start my day. We're on our way to the perfect place, the perfect place, ba-ba-ba, ba-da-ba-ba, ba-da-ba-ba, that's another fucking song just popped in my head. What is that from? It's the perfect place. Was that, that was like a Hannah Barbera cartoon. We're on our way to the perfect place, the perfect place. Anyways, I'm sorry, this is like, I have weird hangovers, sometimes I don't have a headache, I just, just music pops into my head. Some like it hot, some like it hot, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Um, anyways, some white guy playing yoga blocks, does that sound Latino? Speaking of Latino, I went into one of these little fucking bodegas, la-i-ha, la-i-ha-lay. Donde es the fucking orange juicer?

Um, I was up there and I got myself an OJ and a banana, because I'm really into these light breakfasts now. I finally realized that when you wake up and you have a lumberjack breakfast, seriously, it's like I've been saying on this podcast, it's like getting up, it's like if you just woke up the second you woke up and you just sprinted 400 yards without stretching or anything, didn't even put on your fucking shoes, you just ran down the street, on the fucking pebbles, right? That's what you're doing to your body. That's why I start slow, I get a little fucking corn-based orange juice, according to the food ink, it's all corn now, excuse me, and then I have a banana, you know, which is like sort of like baby food in a phallic form. That's why it's like,

it's like a big fucking, who would have a big yellow dick, what animal? Like a fucking porno star canary, if you were to f- That's what a banana is like, right? So typical New York, I'm trying to eat healthy and then I look over and I see these two little toasted balls to add to the fucking, the canary thing, right? Like they lopped off this fucking porno nuts and I looked at the lady and I was like, hola, senorita, what the fuck are those? And she's like, oh, those are coconut balls. And I was like, get the fuck out of here. And she says, I can't get the fuck out of here. I have to work. And I said, nah, I didn't mean it literally. I meant, get the fuck out of here. Those are made out of coconut. And she said, see, and I was like, I fucking love

coconut. You know, and she started laughing like I never said you didn't. Fuck, oh, do you want them? And I'm like, absolutely, I want them. So now I have them. So I have to tell you guys I was going to begin my day with, you know, eating really healthy. I ended up grabbing two sugar balls. Actually they're called, I actually hear they are Coco Comedo. And underneath in English, macaroon coconut. Here's the ingredients, sugar, coconut. And then in parentheses says, may contain sodium, metaphor, for whiteness. I love that shit. Like how much did they not even research what the fuck is, yeah, I might might might have a little bit of this meta by sulfite for whiteness. Well, the coconuts white. Why would you need to add to that? Is this some

coconut that you fucking had in a warehouse for years, egg whites, inverts, sugar, corn, syrup, and salt. So for the most part, it's all natural, except for the sodium metabyte by said five types of like for whiteness. And I'm going to try one. Let's see. Sweet dreams are made of these. How bad is fucking Annie Lennox? When you think of the annals of the fucking baddest rock chicks, we'll start with white chicks, right? We'll move all the way around. We'll start with the baddest white chicks of all time. I would say fucking Annie Lennox in no particular order here. If I was rolling stone, I do an entire issue of this, the hundreds greatest rock chicks of all time. Rolling stone really is clearly showing people, if you haven't been

paying attention, how few people are buying magazines now. Oh, that's fucking disgusting. It's like a donut. Oh, that's gross. That's too much. That's fucking disgusting. I have to take another bite, because now my sugar's starting to rise. All right. Now I'm craving it. Fuck man, I need another hit man. Oh, yeah. Oh, I stand corrected. These are fucking delicious. See the first bite, here's your body going, no, don't do it. So it tastes like shit. But then that sugar gets in your veins and it's like, come on man, you know you want it. Then you just keep going. All right, this is really rude to be eating on the mic. All right,

Annie Lennox, you know, and then I can't even think now. Annie Lennox, the chick from the pretenders, Chrissy Hine, right? Pat Benatar. No, that's not what I wanted. I always got to confuse with the chick from the runaways. Joan Jett. Joan Jett's the shit. And she's still hot. God damn it, those are fucking delicious. Not after a swig of OJ though. Gross. Okay. They're really hard to chew. One of my fucking neighbors just here, just heard that wondering what the fuck I'm talking about.

Um, all right, sorry, sorry. You know what, I'm actually, last night, um, no, finish your fucking thought, Bill. If you look at Rolling Stone, there used to be this big magazine. Just, I'm talking about when you held it. It used to be like a fucking third bigger. Now they've shrunk it down to, it's like a third of the size it used to be. And now every other month, they're doing those, those list things. Hundred greatest guitars of all time. The hundred greatest tambourine players of all time. Right now they have the hundred greatest Beatles songs of all time. It's like, did they even write a hundred songs? You know, they just do that so people can, you know, they, I guess people always buy those

magazines and they go, what the fuck? How can you put a hay bulldog in front of while my guitar gently weeps? And then people write notes. Was that really worth revisiting? I don't think it was. Well, those are my top three. Top three fucking white chick rock singers of all time. And, um, well, considering we've been talking so much about Latinos, let's go with top three Latinos of all time. Latino singers. And this is when my whiteness is going to come out. Let's see if I can even name three. Selena, they did a movie about her. Selena, Jennifer Lopez, and, um, fuck, this is embarrassing. Lucille Ball. And Lucille Ball. Fuck you. She was married to Ricky Ricardo. Bam.

Those are your three, but she never really sang, did she? What the fuck? I know I know more than that. Selena. I don't even know any songs Selena sang. I just know she had a psycho fan. That's all I know. And then Jennifer Lopez played her. Oh, wait, wait. The chick from Miami style machine. Right. What songs do they sing? Oh, Miami. We're fucking taken over. What songs do they sing? I saw that fucking band stunk. Miami style machine. All that fucking turquoise. One of all that, that just, when I pictured them, I just was a bunch of people in puffy pants. And they had like 58 people on percussion and then like one keyboard and then she was skipping around in her boots, right? Isn't that, was that what Miami style machine was? The fuck songs do they

sing? God damn it. I used to know all of this shit. I can't get that Robert Palmer shit out of my head. Anyways, whatever. So I want to learn something. Tell me, give me your top three Latino fucking singers of all time. I know somebody's already compiling a list and getting pissed at me because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. But that's what people do on this podcast. Like last week, I made it, I made a reference to the Pullman strike when I was reading about Grover Cleveland or some shit like that. And this guy wrote, he wrote, Hey, uninformed, Bill, the reason they brought the military in during the Pullman strike was because the workers in quotes, he puts, were becoming violent, not because they were striking, because they were attacking the

alternate workers brought in to fill the void of labor caused by the strike. This is hilarious. The guy writes down his name, marketing and business development coordinator. Yeah, you sound like the guy who would side with the fucking people who are, who are underpaying. It's, first of all, why do you put workers in parentheses? You know what I mean? The strike was because the workers were becoming violent, not because they were striking, because they were attacking the scabs they brought in to take their jobs. That's part of a strike. You dumb fuck. You know, and you know I love to, sir, is the way you're acting as though you had even heard of the Pullman strike before I said it. That's that classic internet shit where you don't have to go to the library anymore.

You just look up the Pullman strike and then you read two paragraphs and then you're like, Oh, actually, you know what the reason is? You're just as dumb as me, sir. Of course, they attacked the scab workers brought in because now they're going to be out of out of a job. And that was my point. And who does the military side with? The military works for the fucking rich people. All right. And if you don't fucking believe that, then I'm not going to eat another fucking coconut ball. Oh, it just gets better. No, it doesn't. All right, that's enough of that. Jesus Christ. Jesus. All right, let's talk NFL football, everybody. Oh, but before I do, the mmpodcast.com, everybody, I made a video on there where I did a little tour of the comedy

store. And I also stood outside the comedy store and I talked shit about some of the people walking by down the street. If you guys want to check it out, go to the mmpodcast.com. The official, the one and only, the only one there is the official fan page of the Monday morning podcast. And I also want to thank everybody who went out and bought the Oh Jesus ringtone last week. All right. I was very impressed with the amount of people that went ahead and bought the ringtone. If you didn't listen last week, I have a new ringtone. It all costs us 99 cents. And, you know, that way I don't have to really charge for the fucking podcast. And it's also a, it's not required. If you want to do it, you can. If you don't, you don't, it's no big deal.

And we have all the instructions up there. If you have an iPhone, it goes right out to your phone. If you have a blackberry, there's like one, one little thing you have to do or something, but they have all the instructions on the mmpodcast on how to upload it to your phone. And you know, we just want to thank everybody for being patient for couple, took a couple of days to explain it, to get the information out there. So I wanted to thank you guys for chipping in. Seriously, it means a lot to me that people actually went out and supported the podcast like that. So thank you from the bottom of my heart and the gentleman who runs the mmpodcast.com. All right. And with that, it's time to talk about NFL football here. I actually was flying on a

plane during the Patriots game. So I can't really talk too much about it other than that. I just, I was watching, I actually had satellite TV on, on the, on the plane. So I was sitting there going fuck, I'm going to miss the fucking game. And then I see that they're going to have satellite TV. And I got excited. Oh boy, oh boy. Right. And I fucking turn it on. And all I get, I had NBC and then the rest were like discovery, animal planet. And then they had three ESPNs. So I'm praying how I hope and pray that I will. But today I am still just a bill. Um, fuck you. These songs are in my head because I'm hung over. Praying that the Patriots game was going to be on NBC. And it turned out that not only was the game

not on NBC, they didn't even have a football game on NBC. They had some fucking infomercial on insoles. So I was like, you got to be fucking kidding me. Right. You got to be fucking kidding me. And, uh, so then I just was watching ESPN. I was watching all the college football games that I already watched. Uh, I think Michigan's back, everybody. Hail to the victors, valiant hail to the victor. See what I just did there? I did three fucking college songs and they all sound the exact fucking same. Hail to the victors. Wake up the echoes and fucking, uh, the Fleetwood Mac Trojan band. It's all, all the same shit. Um, anyways, yes. So I watched

that and I watched the, uh, the USA basketball game against, uh, Turkey that was the shit. And, uh, we won that championship. But anyways, I was watching the ticker. And by the way, what's his face there is going to be the next superstar. And I saw him when he played in Seattle and I can't even remember his fucking name already because I'm that fucking hung over. Come on, brain. Work for me. Begins with a D. Oh, I can't fucking remember. But he was a shit. He was hitting fall away three pointers as a six, 10. I don't even know what position he played. I don't know. I don't know shit about basketball. All right, let's plow ahead here. Um, Patriots one, the Colts lost. So I'm excited. Right. I was also excited. How about

Detroit? How about Cleveland? Come on, you guys, you got to admit, you know, you had a little bit, uh, I think, I think there's this, uh, a ray of light. I didn't see any, either one of those fucking games, but I was just, I was just watching the ticker and, um, I saw that, that dude from play for Cal best had two touchdowns, right? And Cleveland was basically winning the fucking game right down to the end. I know I'm not trying to talk down to you guys, but I'm just saying, you know, whatever you beat Miami, that's got to feel good. Look, you know what the main reason why I'm bringing this shit up is, is because I want to say this shit before the fucking game comes out tonight. I got 50 bucks on the Ravens tonight straight up. I bet it's straight up.

Even though the Jets are favored by like six, I don't know what the line is, but I was like, you know what, you can keep your fucking points there, Missy. I don't give a shit. That's how confident I am. How fucking dumb are the New York Jets? What are they? Can you just, can somebody explain to me the strategy of pissing off every fucking, every team in the league? It's, first of all, I love it being a Patriots fan because for the first time in 10 fucking years, nobody was talking about Bill Belichick. Nobody was talking about the Patriots. Nobody was talking about Tom Brady. Really? The guy even got into a fucking car accident and that was barely a fucking story compared to, to the shit storm that is going on with the New

York Jets. What, what are they doing? Let me ask you guys a question. How amped up does Ray Lewis get before a football game when, when the other team hasn't talked shit about them? Are they, they're out of their fucking minds. Ray Lewis, I put it on my Facebook page. That's my prediction. He is going to rip Sanchez's fucking head off tonight. Sanchez, this guy who, everybody for some reason, they're forgetting the up and down season that he had last year and they're, they're acting like they have this proven quarterback. I don't get it, man. And they went out and they drafted all, they got assigned all these free agents. They're really reminding me of the University of Miami when they got off the plane wearing the fatigues and they were talking all this shit.

And then when it came down to it, they didn't fucking win anything. Remember that? Oh, like the, the Los Angeles Lakers when they added Gary Payton and Carl Malone and you're thinking, how, how can they not fucking end? Then they didn't. I don't, I don't get it. That, that year when the Patriots went undefeated in the regular season and then got their asses kicked in the Super Bowl by the Giants, it's like the hype was so fucking big that from November on we were playing playoff games. Teams were coming in so fucking amped up to kick the shit out of us. It just war, it wore us down. It wore us down. And meanwhile, no one's paying attention to the Giants, to the point that Giants put up like 35 points in the last week of the season against us. And for some reason, we were

still 14 point favorites, three fucking weeks later to this day, I kicked myself for not taking that bet. And uh, yeah, it was ridiculous. And meanwhile, the Giants had beaten Tampa Bay and Tampa Bay, they beat Dallas and Dallas, they beat Green Bay and Green Bay and no one's paying attention to them. Then everybody sat there with their jaws in the ground and they kicked us, didn't even kick the shit out of us, they just beat us. Like, holy fuck, how did this team that beat three awesome teams in their own fucking building come in and beat us? It's fucking ridiculous. So the Jets have started their season at zero and zero with the whole league as amped up to kick the shit out of them as people were amped up to beat the fucking Patriots by mid November. All right. And I'm telling

you right now, they are going to have a mediocre fucking season. I think it's going to start off with the loss tonight. I'm not saying that they're not going to go nine and seven, but these guys, I don't know what their fucking problem is and not to mention that now they have a nice little scandal here. Cover the Daily News. They says, cool your Jets TV reporter flags team for lewd behavior. Eniz Saints reporter for Azteca TV. Where the fuck is that broadcast? It's at the center of a Jet Bruja. Basically, if you see this girl, she's fucking haughty, right? She's got her little pass here and you know, she's got some cleavage show. Oh my God. Are you serious? They got a picture of her at a Jets practice. She's got on the tightest fucking jeans I've ever

seen in my life with the most perfect round ass you've ever seen and she's in high heels. Okay. And she's walking around a bunch of football players who got that testosterone going with a fat shit talking coach. Let me guess, somebody said something out of line. Oh, this is just, this is, you know what I mean? This right here. And this is one of these things where you can't say, well, look how you're dressed because they go, you're blaming the victim. She should have a right to have three quarters of her tits outside of her shirt with a thong going up her fucking ass crack and she should be allowed to walk into a locker room with a bunch of football players and not have one out of fucking whatever the fuck you're going to say. Well, one fucking rude

comment. Give me a break. NFL boss Roger Goodell was demanding answers last night from Jets players. Well, why don't you look at the pictures, Roger? Huh? What are you a fucking eunuch? You don't understand what the problem was. For players, coaches accused of subjecting a female sports reporter to sexist locker room conduct. They should have just said for subjecting her to locker room conduct. This is basically what happened. She went into a locker room and was subjected to locker room conduct. Can you believe it? I remember last night when I went out to a bar and I was subjected to bar room conduct. I couldn't believe it. I was like, what am I in a bar or something? As they prepare for their season opener tonight, gang green is dealing with a burgeoning scandal

over the treatment of Inez Saints for Azteca of Mexico. This girl is a 10. She's fucking smoking. Gorgeous. I mean, you got to see the way she's dressed. Okay. And fuck you, ladies. Fuck you. Look at the way she's dressed. She's one of those, you know, what's funny about the broads out there is this is the kind of girl, right? The kind of woman, the kind of fucking who, who if, you know, if any of these women, you know, who are listening to this podcast, they're walking down the street with their husband and this girl comes walking by. They immediately, they dig fucking, you know, when their eyes become like little slits as they look at them, you know, and then they're looking at their husband and they're going to get mad at you because this other bitch goes to the gym,

you know, like somehow it's your fucking fault and they're fucking looking at you because they can't just come out and say, oh my God, that girl is fucking gorgeous. I'm so jealous of her. They can't, they can't own that emotion. So then they look at you and they're just waiting for you to glance in that part and that woman's direction so they can blame you that this fucking other girl is eating right and fucking doing herself up, right? It's going to become your fucking fault. I used to do a bit about that. Next time you, you know what, here's one for you, got on a burner joke right here that I never fucking recorded. So who gives a shit? Next time you're walking down the street with your girlfriend, right? And this fucking unbelievably smoking

shit comes walking up the street, right? And what do you got? And she immediately just looks at you like, go ahead and look at her so I can take out my fucking hatred of this better looking girl and make it your fucking fault, right? This is what you do. Rather than trying to look away and having blood come out of your, out of your eyes, you try not to look at this fucking hot piece of shit coming up the street. What you do is you fucking point right at her. And whatever she's wearing, you tell your girl that she'd look great in that. You point right at her and be like, you know what, you'd look great in a dress like that, right? And then immediately just, you know, it makes their insecurity go, oh my god,

really? Do you think I could get away with wearing something like that? Totally. You girls feeling good. You're staring at the girl's ass. You're talking about the cut of the dress. It's bullshit. You're checking around without disrespecting your woman. See, right there. Bill Burr bringing couples together. All right, let's continue on here. So this woman 32 years old, 32 years old, still in smoke and fucking shape. A former Miss Universe contestant complained she was bombarded with catcalls and borish antics at the Jets, New Jersey training facility to the extent she wanted and in quotes that cover my ears. I'm dying of embarrassment. This woman, right? Former Miss Universe contestant who would walk on stage with a fucking string

bikini and high heels with a hoo-ha hanging out talking about how to save Greenland or whatever is embarrassed because she walked around. I mean, give me a, you know what I mean? I mean, this is why women stink. It's like, what are you doing there to begin with? It's a bunch of guys playing football. It's like, and then we're cool enough to let you in there and then everybody has to fucking adjust their behavior because you're there. Wait, excuse me. Excuse me. There's a lady present. You know what I mean? And you wonder why you get called a cunt. That's why right fucking there. It's just fucking unbelievable. I would never walk into a goddamn baby shower and be, excuse me, excuse me. There's a guy present. Can we put a fucking game on over here? I wouldn't.

I'd be standing in the corner going, oh, Jesus, when is this shit going to be over? But I wouldn't at any point try to cock block what anybody was fucking talking about. Go ahead and talk about sex in the city. Talk about your favorite shoes or whatever the fuck it is you do. I wouldn't be covering my ears dying of embarrassment if you all started talking about my package. I'd be flattered. Um, this is some of the more, more ignorant shit that I've said on this podcast, but I think there's a point behind this. Let's continue with the article. Um, Goodell, it's just that I'm dying of embarrassment. Saints tweeted in Spanish. Goodell immediately ordered an investigation into the troubling in air quotes allegations, which were addressed in a

team meeting last night. This meeting is now called the order last night when that smoking hot chick with the tight clothes came in and everybody said, goddamn, look at that fucking ass. Yeah, you're not allowed to do that anymore. Um, excuse me, coach. Uh, yeah, yes, sir. Yeah, were you talking about that girl who came in and her titties were hanging out of her shirt? Yeah, that one. Yeah, that one. We, uh, disrespected her. See, this is, this is the deal. All right. They come down. They want the fucking attention. You know, what, wait, what, what is she, what is she doing in the fucking locker room to begin with? You know, was she even in a locker room? Did I even say that? I can't remember.

Didn't you see any given Sunday? You don't remember that movie? You're going to stand there and there's going to be some black dude with a dick down to the floor. I mean, why are you going in? I wouldn't go in there. If I went in there, they'd start giving me cat calls like I was that fresh fish guy in the beginning of Shawshank redemption. And I'd be dying of embarrassment too, but I'd fucking take it and be like, ah, well, what, what the fuck did you think was going to happen? You're a fucking pansy and you come walking into an NFL locker room. They're all going to give you shit and say you're a pussy, right? I mean, what kind of a fucking world are we living in now when a gorgeous woman wearing tight, ridiculous clothes is going to walk into a fucking at a

football practice and she's going to get upset that she got unwanted attention. Well, why don't you come there and dress like they did in the 1800s with one of them big hoop skirts so they can't see your fucking thighs. This chick is fucking ridiculous. Look, look at the New York, the daily news and look at the little inset picture that they have of her. I'm sure they did it for a fucking reason. It's ridiculous. Look at that fucking ass. Look at that. That's the first thing I think. Look at that fucking ass. Jesus Christ. And then she's holding a mic. Looks like a dick in her hand. Was she bobbing her head up and down as she asked the questions? This is like entrapment. Anyways, let's fucking continue. We've had contact with the team multiple times and are

moving very aggressively to establish the facts. The NFL Spokeman Greg Ahilo said, Jets owner Woody Johnson woke up from his coma and said, oh, wait, that guy, no, no, that guy's actually young called saints to hear a side of the story and said that the team will take any appropriate steps necessary to maintain a respectful environment for the media. Basically, this girl is now going to become a fucking millionaire off of this lawsuit because she walked to an NFL practice with her Miss Universe body with tight fucking clothes on and somebody said, goddamn, look at that fucking ass right there. Hey, Mark, what the fuck would you do with that? I fucking bend her over fucking table. And then fucking Rex Ryan. I can't even see him. My

fucking my fucking stomach's so big. Huh? Was that a good one players? You guys like me? I talked just like you. I can't wait for them to fucking lose tonight. They're going to get their fucking asses kicked. They can get their asses kicked, but they're going to lose. They're going to lose and then they're going to have a short week. All right. And guess who's back? The New England Patriots. Huh? 38 fucking points up against Ocho Cinco. Terrell Owens. Cade McNown. What's the name of your quarterback? Something Wilson? I don't even know the name of your fucking quarterback. He was awesome. And then he got hurt. He's actually a good quarterback. What the fuck's his name? I know it's not Cade McNown. UCLA fucking Heisman Trophy winner, classic Chicago

Bear quarterback draft. They love Cade McNown. They love the Rex Grossman. For some reason, they didn't like Doug Flutey. Let's let's ship him out of there. Really? You want to ship a proven winner out? Absolutely. We don't want him around here leading the team to victories. Where the fuck is the goddamn Patriots game here? Oh, Carson Palmer. This is what I love about that man. He was 34 for 50 for 345 yards. Ocho Cinco had 12 catches for 159 yards. All right. Yet they only scored 24 fucking points. You know, my buddy was saying that they're getting back to that bend, but don't break. You know, someone else was telling me Belichick is doing the defense again, which is his fucking. That's that's what he does. I don't know. I have I have

high hopes, but you know, it's not about the Patriots this year. It's all about the JETS, Jets, Jets, Jets, right? Running their fucking yaps. You wanted the attention. Now you got it. Oh, I can't fucking wait. You guys looked up the stats of that fucking Joe Flacco or Joe Falco, whatever the fuck his name is. I don't know what his name is. All I know is they raped us last year in the playoffs. You got Ray Rice is going to be running all over you fucking cunts. Huh? What do you think? Because you got that old guy from the dolphins that good looking son of a bitch. You should be doing fucking underwear ads like Jim Palmer. That's the guy. That's the guy that's going to stop everybody. That dude has been showing up late to practice and Rex Ryan is

making a joke out of it because he has such a fucking need to be liked by his own goddamn players. You wait. You wait till the fucking wheels fall off. All right, here's a contest I want to introduce here. How about whoever guesses which week Rex Ryan is going to fucking cry first? After which game? If you pick it right, I'm going to send you an autograph copy of my new fucking DVD. So there you go people. You got fucking 17 weeks to pick. Well, actually not this week. 16 weeks. I'm including the bye week. The first week he's going to start fucking crying because somebody criticized him. You know, or somebody stole his M&M flavored fucking ice cream. All right, enough of this shit. That's my thing. I got 50 bucks. 50 bucks on the Ravens.

And I'm confident. I'm confident that not only... I didn't even take the spread straight up. Can you tell? I don't know what else to talk about. I just keep saying over and over again what my bet is. Let's talk about depression. Shall we? Speaking of fucking Rex Ryan. Somebody sent me a long email here that should eat up some time. Actually, did I tell you guys last night we actually recorded? Me and DeRosa got fucking hammered last night and we were like, you know what we should do? We should go home and record a drunk uninformed. I'm like, well, I have to do the Monday morning podcast. He goes, we'll fucking do that too. So last night, for an hour and a half as we sat there drinking and getting even more drunk, drunker, whatever

the fucking word is, we recorded, we talked for at least an hour and a half. The record has shut off at an hour and 15 fucking minutes and you just hear us get progressively more and more drunk. I listened to it. There's a lot of funny moments, but it's just way too long. So I'm going to edit it. I'm going to dice it up and I'll put together a greatest hits of it. You got that coming up, but it was just too much self-sabotage. It's like I got my special coming out this week. I really had to make sure I hyped it and I completely was not hyping it in a great way. I thought it was bad. It was bad and there was a lot of embarrassing moments. I'm going to edit it, people. That's what I'm trying to say. All right, go fuck yourselves. I'm not putting it all up. All right,

YouTube videos of the week. Fat Kid goes insane after getting airhorned in the face. Try to guess what that one's about. Fat Kid goes insane after getting airhorned in the face. This kid's face, he looks like if Precious was a white eight-year-old. Just picture that face. That's what this kid looks like. All right, here's what I'm sure everybody saw. It says, face versus watermelon. This is somebody on the amazing race that took a slingshot and shot a watermelon on a fucking cantaloupe. I don't know what it was and it came back and blasted her right in the face. It's absolutely hilarious. They actually showed it on ESPN. They did the top 10 funny sports moments of the week and hers was number one. And you know what they did? Because she's abroad. What they had to do was they put,

you know, when they have the list of shit that they're going to talk about coming up on the right hand part of the screen. Out of nowhere, right before the cantaloupe or watermelon blasted her in the face, they put that up and half censored her head. Because I can guarantee you there was some woman there going, this is going to cause violence against women. How is it going to cause violence against women? Because the way the watermelon just slaps her in the face, it was self-inflicted. That's one of those things. Once again, those double standard. If a guy did that, do you think they'd censor it? What if it came back and hit him in his nuts and he actually lost the ability to have a child, they still would have shown that completely uncensored. Wait a

minute. Is this a special guest who just walked in? Joe, I got another eight minutes. Just sit down and help me through it. Oh, don't be a fag. Get over here, pick up the microphone. Ladies and gentlemen, look who just walked in. Hey, folks. Joe DeRosa. How are you? Jesus Christ, Joe. What are you doing here? You know, I was just walking through the studio, Bill, and I saw you through the glass. This is like that moment when fucking Johnny Carson walked over to, what's his face, his sitcom, when he was doing CPO Sharky. Remember that when he broke his, what's his name? Dom DeLuis. Dom Rickles. Yeah. He just kept walking in. This is very old school. Yeah. I just actually alluded to them and not even alluded. I mentioned that we did a podcast. I finally did talk to

how we did a podcast last night, completely fucking shitfaced. And of the hour and 14 minutes, how much do you think is going to be funny that we can actually chop up? I think at least four minutes of it was really good. I think the bulk of it was funny. It was just made a good point about like it's just a little too much all at once. Like you got to split it up a little bit. Yeah. And it just kept me andering. And then by the end, I was just, I was really getting into your financial businesses of some deal that you had. And we were like, yeah, we don't, we don't want that on there. Yeah. Yeah. Let me tell you about the constant that's business, Joe. It was really sloppy, but dude, I gotta tell you were fucking hilarious on it. You too. I loved it.

I loved it. I was a little, I was, I was kind of an angry, that's that whiskey shit, dude. Bear, I'm a happy drunk. You know, don't blame the, don't blame the whiskey bill. No, no, I'm already angry, but like I, when I'm fucking, when I'm sober, I keep, I keep it in check for the most part, for the most part. But when I drink whiskey, then I'm not, if I drink beer, you know, I got my arm around people and we'll go down together. They're all singing songs. Right. I'm good time Charlie with the beer. I start drinking whiskey. Oh, it's awful. Dude, can you finish chewing whatever is in your mouth? It's a fingernail. I was biting my nails through the door. I know, I'm sorry. Go spit it out. You yelled at me to get over here and sit down. All right. Yeah.

What do you want me to do? I want you to fuck it all. See what happens? Why? Yeah, be a professional. You know, yeah. Joe, look at this. You know, I was just, and I just went off on this. Can you see this woman here? She walked, she showed up at a NFL practice, this former Miss Universe here. Look at how she dressed at the practice. Yeah. Looking good. She's hot. Well, what? Yeah. And guess, and evidently, somebody made some people made, she was subjected to cat calling. Joe, can you imagine that you could look like that dressed like that and you can't go to an NFL practice without getting cat. So she upset about it? Upset. She tweeted in Spanish that she was, I'm dying of embarrassment. She had to cover her ears. Well, look, I got to say,

though, she looks great, but she was wearing jeans and a shirt. It's like, what the hell is she supposed to wear? It's not like she's in a mini skirt out there. Joe, she's wearing high heels. Look at her. Joe, how tight are those goddamn jeans? Righteously tight. Really, Joe? What would you do with that, Joe? Oh, Bill, I fucking leave it in disappointment. Look, I'm not condoning that. You shouldn't. You shouldn't do that. Hey, she was asking for it. I'm not. I'm not. She was, though. Oh, come on. She is. Come on, Jesus. What the hell is she supposed to wear? What she's supposed to wear? Sweatpants? Joe, is it possible for those jeans to get any tighter? No, but that's how chicks wear their jeans. Chicks don't wear baggy jeans. They wear tight jeans. You know

something, Joe? Why don't you just walk back out the door and bring in the fucking Joe de Rosa that I know. All right. All right, Joe. She's who? No, Joe. Look, I'm kidding. What? Joe, if I walk through Central Park at three in the fucking morning dressed like Liberace, singing, I'm in the money, and I get the shit kicked out of me and I get mugged. It's wrong. I should be able to do that. But do I have any sort of fucking personal responsibility for my own fucking safety? All right. You don't go to a football practice. She's got high heel shoes. You know what? First thing that drops a girl's sex sex thing is down by at least 30% is when they wear those flats. Isn't that the worst when you're in a relationship and they get so comfortable that they stop jacking

their ass up? Yeah. And they just wear the flats and all of a sudden they look like like they're a little clown climbing out of a car. Yeah. She should have worn those. You're doing, you're preaching the choir. I'm doing a bit, I'm doing in my bit, a bit in my act right now about take your lashes, like you chose this role and the set of these. So why are you defending this girl? I'm saying, you convince me. The centerpiece of the bit is about this fat girl cockblocking me with this skinny girl and doing the whole angry fat girl thing. And it's like, yeah, it's just like, you know, I didn't eat all the egg sandwiches you did. That was your decision. You're going to get mad at me that I'm not leapfrogging over your hot friend to get a shot

of your Michelin man body right now. There's nothing wrong with it. You're fat. That's okay. But take the fucking hit sometimes. You know what I mean? It's not fair to everybody else. You're waltzing around like you're a piece of tail. You're not, you know? Yeah. You're sitting there. Yeah. You're sitting there like a walrus sunning yourself at the bar. Yeah. But my whole thing too is like, you know, I'm part Arab. If I were a turban on an airplane, I got to be ready for a couple of people to be like, Ooh, what the fuck is going on? You know, like I come from the territory. Yeah. Dude, she is, look, I'm not saying that she's a bad person. She looks like she's fucking gorgeous, but she doesn't, she doesn't look like I look at her. Oh, is that the shirt she was wearing?

That's the, this is that's, well, that's her at the Super Bowl. But is that the shot that the shot you showed me in the, in the actual article was the ass shot? Is that what she looked like from the front? That is her. I mean, that's not her at the practice. But yeah, that's what she wears. She's wearing that nightclub top. She's got like the diamonds on the tits on the tits. Yeah. Glittery tits shirt. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Glittery tits. I mean, look, yeah, you can't, you got to understand. This is what pisses me off, Joe, is it's NFL football. It's a guy's sport. There's a bunch of guys playing it. Nobody asked you to fucking come there. You inserted yourself into that situation. And this, this, I'm repeating myself in the podcast, but just to hear your

opinion, that's when don't you hate that one? If a bunch of guys hanging out, you're shooting this shit, and we're talking, then all somebody just says, excuse me, there's a lady present. And then all the fun just stops. Yeah. And everybody has to adjust their fucking behavior because you're there. You know, my favorite thing ever. Let me hear some hate is when like a waitress will say that to a bunch of drunk guys. And there's always the 150, you know, the waitress will go like, is that how you talk in front of a lady? And then there's always 150 year old drunk that goes, well, why don't you show me a fucking lady? And I'll tell you, you know, it's such an old joke, but it always gets a laugh. It always gets a laugh. It's just

nothing. You know, somebody was telling me, when I was, I was out in Denver, they were saying that they were, they went out to go shoot pool, right? It was shoot. No, I remember they were shooting pool. And there was, you know, they were kicking the shit out of these guys. And there was this group of guys they had next, right? And then some girl, hottie comes up and she didn't want to fucking wait. She puts her money down, but she's so fucking hot that these other ballist jackasses, they let her cut, right? And then she's making this big hole. And then she's just such a, already just an arrogant fucking twat that these guys are like, look, we don't want to play. We don't want to play you. We're going to play those guys, right? And she gets blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, giving them shit. And he goes, look, we're not playing you. We're playing those guys. And she took a full drink and threw it in this guy's face. So I go, well, you can't hit him. What do you do? He goes, Oh, this guy's brilliant. He's a spitter. He doesn't, he just went, she goes, and he was so fucking, but she goes, what are you going to do? Are you going to hit me? He goes, no, I'm not going to hit you. And he goes, hit her right in the chest and it rolled down between her titties. And this is the worst part. The bounces come over, flipping the, and they fucking, of course, go in and those guys who she cut all fucking ran it at the dude who just did that shit. Oh, that's great. Just immediately. Yeah, because spitting on somebody is so much

worse. I'm much rather get blasted in the, I even take the brain damage. Did you ever hear that? Did you read that Tony Roberts joke where he's like, he's like, fucked up to hit a woman. I would never hit a woman. All right, I'm bullshitting. And he's like, if you put your hands on me, I'll fucking lay out. Oh, that's awesome. Don't fucking hit me. Fine. Don't do his whole bit. Go see Tony Roberts, man. I gotta finish this bit. It's so funny, dude. He goes, you see those commercials? All right, he goes every 12 seconds, a woman is hit in this country. And he goes, he goes, they don't tell you how every eight seconds, there's a bitch in your face going, and he goes, I want you bitch, you had four seconds. Tony Roberts, one of the most underrated

comedians of all time. That guy is so fucking ridiculously talented. He's so funny. Yeah, I saw him on comedy and typical ridiculously talented duties, unbelievably humble. I saw him on comedy central and he, I think he just starts the bit like this. He just goes and it was so good because I fucking hate Wendy Williams. He goes, Wendy Williams and Danny Glover are the same motherfucking person. All right, well, we got to wrap up the podcast here, Joe, with your squeaky little voice that really just annoyed me. Oh, here's another YouTube video to watch. Go to wimp.com, Bill dances classic bloopers. Joe, I actually have to show you this one. This is like a guy trying to do a fishing show. And one of them, I swear to God, I can't believe that it's

actually true. He's going down the river. And in the distance, the other cameraman from the two, they're doing like a two shot, the shoot, the other cameraman, first of all, is in the shot. And he's edging towards the bank to get a better shot. And it's an eight foot drop into the river and the guy with the camera falls into the fucking river. And the what's his face? He's one of those redneck guys who he gets mad, but he's like a classy dude. So he doesn't curse. So he uses like those redneck extra, I don't know what the fuck they are, but he's just a dagnatic, you know, dude goes in the water. I'm butchering it deep. It's actually, it's fucking hilarious. Hey, I got to hop in the shower because Bobby Kelly's meeting me here in a couple of days. Joe,

Bobby Kelly, is he going to come walking through the door? No, he's going to ring the buzzer and I got to run out. So I got to get ready here. So lazy. Oh boy. No, no, it's my show. I tell you when we're up against the hard break and it's time for you to go, where you going, Joe? You're just going to put it down. You just going to tap out and walk out. I got to get showered. I got to get showered. All right, no problem. Joe DeRosa, everybody. Joe DeRosa has a new CD out that I would have hyped, but he walked away. We'll give me the hype. What's the hype, Joe? When does it come out? No, seriously, Joe, if it was out, people would be talking about it. When does it come out? Oh, Jesus, it's out. It's called the depression auction and I endorse it. Joe,

come on. He burned a bit on the podcast for you. Why am I yelling? Anyways, I think that's going to be the podcast for this week. I'm doing a ton of media this week. Fans of the Open Anthony program. I believe I'm going to be on there definitely tomorrow, hopefully Wednesday. I'm basically going to be on that show as many days as they'll have me because I like those sons of bitches. That's it. No, seriously, if you don't listen to the Open Anthony program, I don't know what your problem is. Get an XM satellite, whatever the fuck, serious XM player and check those guys out. Watch a little bit of their stuff on YouTube. They're fucking awesome. So I'm going to be doing them this week. I'll probably be doing something on versus and you know what? As I do them, if they're

not live and they're going to be shown later, I'll just, on the MM podcast, we'll have that information up there. But if you didn't get the, oh, Jesus, ringtone, you can go to the MMpodcast.com and on the left hand corner, you'll see it right there and you just click on, oh, Jesus, and you can get it, put it in your phone. And then whenever the biggest cut in your life calls you up, that's what your phone's going to be saying, oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus. If you don't, don't do it. I don't give a fuck. I'm just happy you're listening. All right, you guys have a great week and that's my prediction. Ravens will win. And I don't know, Jets are patriots. I got to be honest with you, could go either direction, but I'm really liking what I watched on the ticker tape

on the airplane. I have no fucking idea. I can't judge the Patriots, but and I think the Jets at best might go 10 and six after all that fucking yip yapping. They'll probably make it into the playoffs. God knows they got enough talent on the fucking team, but I think all this shit talking is really going to hurt them. And I don't think they're going to go as far as they went last year. What do you think about that? Huh? What do you think about that? Jets play like a jet? What the fuck does that mean? You haven't won one since 1969. What does that mean? Get your fans all excited and then you shit the bed in January. What Joe? That's what they do. Joe, they haven't won since we were excited that we landed on the moon. Like that was going to lead to new real estate. That

was the last time they won, Joe. I was six months old, Joe. Six months old. Kurt Gowdy announced the last time that they won a Super Bowl. All right, Jim Morrison was still alive, Joe. Jimi Hendrix was still putting out albums. Joe DeRosa. The last time they won. And this ain't play like a jet. I like that. That sounds like one of their old, they're really into that old school shit. You know what the sad thing about the Jets are? They're the only professional franchise in all four sports that actually sublets their stadium. Yeah, they play at giant stadium. You know what they are, Joe? They're like that fucking loser who never moves out and that window of getting married and actually meeting somebody just closes and then they just

say fuck it. And they're just waiting for the last of their alive parent to die so that they can take over the house. Jesus, Joe. Look at you coming with a little bit of anger. Joe, you know what? I hate how unashamed you are about your torso. I give Joe shit because his body, he looks like an adolescent Will Ferrell. Like picture Will Ferrell's body at 23. Joe, have you ever done a pull-up in your life? Do you like, do you even have those muscles? He left me. I was really going to compare him to like the Camaro rally sport, you know? Somebody goes out and you get the IROC, right? You got the air conditioner, you got the teetops, you get the electric windows, and then you had the rally sport

which you basically had the same body but you didn't have those options. I was going to go that route. Is that what you were going to do, Bill? Were you going to do it in a funny way? Because the way you presented that, it wasn't too funny. All right. That's the podcast for this week. God bless all of you guys. Let's go Ravens. Fuck the Jets. And I'm hoping this time next week that Jets are fucking 0 and 2. And if they are 0 and 2, I'm telling you right now, Rex Ryan, I'm guaranteeing it will cry during a press conference. And he's going to be crying and his fucking, you know, body's going to be jiggling. I hate the Jets. I hate the Jets more than I hate the Colts now. You know, it kind of helps that they lost to the Texans. But yeah, the Jets,

I want nothing more than to watch them eat their fucking words, the arrogance of that fucking team. Look at that. You don't even know how to behave when there's a lady in the room. All right. Who gives a fuck? Ravens are going to win tonight. I'm going to have an X to 50 bucks and the Patriots are going to beat him next week. All right? That's what my hot says. All right, you guys have a good week. Please watch my special Sunday night, September 19th, 11 p.m. Okay, see you. That's the way we do it. All right. Warm things up this spring with a trip to Cerrillas, where romance finds fantasy.

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