Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-2-21

Episode Date: September 3, 2021

Bill rambles about life advice, Vietnam, and spandex crimes.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking it on you. I'm just swinging by to see how you're doing. That's all I'm doing. I'm not poking my head into your world to promote my own stuff. Bill Byrne, Atlantic City next week. I came by out of the goodness of my heart because I care about you and I want to make sure you're living your best life. People, is it me? Not to use a stand-up setup from 30 years ago. Is it me? Or is there a lot of fucking clothing out there that has like life advice on it? Like self-help? You know, like live fiercely. You know, I was walking by this park today and down on the ground, the bottom, I like this little

fucking, I don't know what you call it, like a Jersey barrier. Down by ground where like a homeless guy would pass out. It says love life. First of all, I don't like the fucking tone of that. Love life. It's like, fuck you. You know, who are you to tell me what to do? I mean, that's how fucked up I am. That's how I look at it. I just don't like, I don't like the tone of it. You could say it a lot more politely. You know, if you have the time, take a moment to try and love life. And then you wrote it down there with some homeless guy. He's gonna be for some homeless vet or something's gonna be fucking sleeping. Love life. You're outside. Just how like, I just feel like it's, I just feel like it's self-serving. You know, like I just think a fucking egomaniac wrote

it. Like a narcissist wrote it. Like they have, they have, you know, they got everything all figured out. I know I'm going super negative on this and I don't give a shit. It's like, shut the fuck up. Like what fucking world are you living in? All right, you just, even there's people out there that are like clinically depressed. There's nothing they can fucking do about it. Then you walk around with your dumb ass shirt. Love life. You know, I mean, can you imagine that? Just walk around clinically depressed and you got to sit there and make peace with the higher power that why they decided to give you that brain with whatever that leak is in the chemicals that go into your fucking brain and you got to walk around with these people with their stupid ass fucking t-shirts.

You know, like what I love about it is anybody can buy the fucking the shirt. So you don't, you don't have to like prove that you're loving life or prove that you've figured out life that you now have gained some sort of, I don't know what, credibility to give people advice, which I do on my podcast all the time. All right, I'm full of shit. It just, it irks me. And I'm actually, you wouldn't know it from this podcast. I really am enjoying my life probably for the first time in a long, I don't know, since back when I was a kid and all the bullshit happened, right? I actually, yeah, kind of cut all the cancers out, facing my own fucking ugliness and figuring that shit out. And I'm actually going to join myself and I'm working it out. And I don't need you chiming in with your

fucking stupid t-shirt. I actually took pictures of this stupid fucking one of those embrace life. It's just so open-ended. It just, it's just, I just, I just, that's what it is. I just think it's, it's, it's, they're not trying to help you. They're advertising that they're at peace. That's what I feel it is. And it's like, no, you're not. If you were at peace, you wouldn't feel the need to do that. And all you're really doing is just walking around like how, like, how fucking dumb do you think I am? Like I'm walking around, you know, not loving life and then I just read love life. Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot. If people aren't loving life, it's not because they don't know not to love life. Probably a lot of painful shit happened to it. And they're trying

to work their way through it. And your stupid fucking t-shirt, it's just going to irritate them like it's doing to me. So I went on this walk this morning so I could love life and listen to the birds chirping. I wasn't, I wasn't listening to nature. I have this fucking playlist called Clive Burr, which is just all Iron Maiden when he was in the band. And just incredible drumming. So I was listening to, you know, Rumor in the Rumorg, you know, some of the deeper cuts, right, to the fucking classics. Like, I mean, a prisoner, I mean, Jesus Christ, what a fucking intro. You know, I don't know. So anyway, so I guess Cam Newton's gone, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Cam Newton is going to go somewhere else. And now we got Mac Jones. So we will see

how that is going to play out. What else? I've been watching all of these, been watching a bunch of good shit. I watched, I'm still continuing on with the Untouchable series. And I'm telling you, the original Untouchable series was the Lawn Order of back in the day where all of these people that got their starts is actors, like my generation, and I don't know if I, how many generations, so many people got that, your first TV credit, acting TV credit being on Lawn Order. And I'm telling you, I just saw Robert Redford, a young Robert Redford, Ed Asner, Carol O'Connor, Charles Bronson, Lee Marvin. I brought this up on the last one. How many people I've seen on that. But Ed, what's his face? Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with my brain?

I already forgot the goddamn name. Robert Redford. Oh, man, he played a piece of shit and he did a great job. So it's an incredible series. I watched that. And then I watched Airplane. I taped Airplane the movie, which is just as funny as it's always been. One of my favorite jokes I'd totally forgotten about is when you first see Leslie Nielsen and, you know, the one of the first passengers gets sick and they go, is there a doctor? Is there a doctor? And this woman goes, I think he's a doctor and she leans into the aisle and you don't see Leslie yet. She goes, excuse me, she goes, are you a doctor? And he looks at her and he goes, I am. And he's wearing a stethoscope and he's got it in his ears. It's such a silly, stupid joke. And me and my lovely wife were sitting there watching that

movie just laughing our asses off. And what's his face? Robert Stack just crushed it. Absolutely fucking crushed it. He was just sitting there going, keep her at 34,000. No feet. It's just pound for pound. I'm trying to think of a fucking, those zucker brother movies. You can't cram any more jokes in there. It's just one, and that's when the shit hit the fan. All of that stuff. Wow, it looks like I picked the wrong way to stop sniffing glue. It's still just as funny as it always was. And I was watching it with my wife and there's nothing, I love more than listening to my wife laugh. I love listening to her laugh. And she said, such a great sense of humor. He's got a silly sense of humor, just like I do. And I just,

we just sat there laughing our asses off, watching that movie. It's just, oh my God, just such an incredible movie. And then the other night, before that, my wife started watching The Real Housewives in New York. And I just, I just can't get into that one. I like The Real Housewives of Potomac. But then once they kicked, what's her face off? Monique off? I didn't give a fuck anymore. So she started watching that shit. So anyway, I'm studying for my instrument rating here, for my, you know, flying helicopters and stuff. And, you know, I was just looking up all this stuff, you know, on the internet, blah, blah, blah, blah. Next thing I'm on Amazon, and I found a documentary about the Vietnam War

called The Vietnam War Miracle. And I'd watched like all of the, I don't know, some war movies or something like that. So when I went on there, it suggested that, and it was only like 50-something minutes long. So I was like, all right, I'll check this shit out. And the, I mean, first of all, it was an incredible story, but the stuff in there about helicopters, what those pilots did, and the fact that they were kids, and they were just talking about, you know, it's a story about a bunch of veterans, I guess reuniting, coming back together and, you know, having not seen each other for so long, and getting into this horrific firefight in the jungle, and people having like, being gravely injured, and then they just get whisked away in

these helicopters, and they had no idea whether they lived or not. And there's this amazing doctor in there who had to be like 30 years old doing like brain surgery on these people and not knowing when he's done with it, is he ships them off if they live or not, and just everybody coming together and realizing that they saved people's lives. And just the, the story, just the, the way the documentary makes you see like the bond that the soldiers have, and how they have each other's backs, and like the shit that's going down, and how they don't even question running over to help from something that every, you know, nerve in your body would say run in the other direction, and they just without question go over to help their buddy out. And then you combine that with

today that now people like look at a tweet and like, oh my god, that was so brave. Jessica, I can't believe you're just such a warrior. It's like these people are heroes. They're unbelievable. So anyway, the helicopter part, which of course, you know, I loved, is they had this fire fight, right? And you know, Vietcong comes in, they're sleeping, and all of a sudden they just hear this and they just threw all these fucking grenades. Like that's how they woke up, right? The guys that were sleeping out evidently, right? And then they got to worry the whole rest of the if the Vietcong is coming back, and they got to get these guys out of here. So they make a call for the helicopters to come in. And I don't want to ruin the whole thing. You

got to watch it. Vietnam War miracle, right? But this is what killed me is landing a helicopter off airport, meaning not on a pad or on a runway or a taxiway or anything like that. It's one of the scariest fucking things you're going to do because it is so easy to roll the thing over. The second the ground is not level and you're at an angle, what you have to do is you come down like it's, you're going to land on something level and you, the uphill skid touches first, and then you're balancing that skid. And then as you lower your collective, the emergency brake look and thing to get that other one to come down, you turn the stick, you push it in the direction uphill so you don't tip over. And these guys were landing in the jungle, who God knows if there's

even a clearing, you could hit a tree, you're fucking dead. And these guys would come in and just land these things while getting shot at as these people screaming and pain and agony are being thrown on. Now you're getting weight thrown onto the helicopter that is alive and is moving and you're balancing that skid, trying not to tip over while getting shot at and then flying out of there. I mean, it was just insane. And this doctor who did the surgery on one of them, did the brain surgery on one of them, who then lived and then, you know, as I'm sitting here bitching about, you know, positive t-shirts, like the life that this guy led has led and how he just embraced his new life when they took 25, 30% of his brain out. It was unreal. But one of the

cool things was because of those guys who flew those helicopters and how they were able to get into a confined area and get injured people out of there and save their lives, that is what those kids did showed the potential of helicopters. And that's why to this day, if you wipe out on a motorcycle or whatever, get into a skiing accident or something, they bring a helicopter in and get you up and out and gets you fixed. It's because of those guys. And I really wasn't thinking about it, but like, you know, helicopters by the Vietnam War had not been around that long and certainly had not played a significant role, I believe, in any sort of warfare. So I don't know, it was a really, really, you know, I don't know. It's one of those things if you're kind of stressing about

little shit like I have been lately, it's been a really cool thing to watch. Vietnam War Miracle on Amazon. Check it out if you get a chance. So with that, let me, let me read a little bit of advertising. By the way, did I fucking, I can't remember if I brought up that I just had this fucking steak and cheese out here. I can't fucking remember. I don't know what the fuck is going on with my memory. I just have to check in to see if the Red Sox have went in here. This is completely unprofessional. I realize this. Two to one, losing the race. We just can't fucking beat those guys. God damn it. Isn't that hilarious? I just told you guys, if you want to see something not stress about the little shit, I'm going to flip out about a Red Sox score. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot,

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shit says to you, what's going on with you when you're drinking? And you're like, what? Nothing. And she goes, don't have any more because when you drink a lot, you snore at night. And the next thing you know, you're walking down the stairs, hiding another one on the outside of your leg and you become that guy. I remember when I did that. And I was like, I got to stop doing this shit. And like, you know, took me like another six months to stop. So you know, if you're a big guy, you know, and you fucking got to buy a bigger mattress, you know, give yourself six months at some point, right? You got to be like, all right, I need to start going for walks. I went for a fucking walk today. Look at all

the happiness I got out of it. I actually saw a guy in a bicycle. You know, of course he's dressed like Lance Armstrong, you know, because nobody can just get on a fucking bicycle anymore and ride down the street. You got to be like all fucking aerodynamic. Me and my wife went into a tag and this lady in front of us, I swear to God, just, she had on like these spandex, you know what I mean? Just like out, outlining her whole, you know, this lady, I don't know what she was like, 50, 60 years old, had on spandex. It didn't have a long shirt hanging over it and we're on an escalator. So her old fucking ass is just in front of us. And I got to be honest with you, when I was a kid, you could not walk around.

I don't think you walk around like that. Wait a minute, spandex came out in the 80s. I don't know. There's something about Target and those big superstores where just, I think people, there's just something about it. People don't think about what they're wearing. Like, like they just don't give a fuck. Cause I know Walmart gets a ton of shit. Like there was that website where people took pictures of people going to a Walmart, you know, and that's what it became at. Let's make fun of the people that go to the Walmart rather than let shit on the Walmart for putting everybody out of business. So now they have, they don't have jobs. So now they dress like that and have to go to a super store.

So anyway, we walk in there and I am like such a fucking dad and married now that I actually really enjoy Target. I got another thing too. I use self-check out now. I just don't give a shit. There's something about watching people reject masks and vaccines that I just quit now. It's like, I'm not fighting any fight anymore. I quit. All right, you win. I'm broken. I don't give a shit. So my wife goes, you're going to shit. You're going out to self-check out. You never use self-check out. And I was like, I don't give a fuck anymore. And I just walked over and I just started going, hi, did you find everything? How was your experience today at Target? Did you find everything you needed? I just scanning the dumb shit that I go

to stick my card in. And it just doesn't tell you the fucking amount. It's like another 15 fucking questions you have to answer. And I started, I just went like, I yelled at the screen and then my wife finished the whole thing. But yeah, I let the flag hit the ground. I know. I now work as a cashier for free at Target and other amazing super stores. I just, I gave up. I don't know what happened. I used to have the fight. I just don't have the fight anymore. I just don't give a fuck. I'm rooting for the virus at this point. I'm just going to mask up. And I'm just accepting that the rest of my life when I go out, I'm going to have to put a fucking mask on. Gives a shit. Anyway, oh, Billy, biceps is

fucking building up the shoulders, man. Building up the shoulders. I gotta keep up with my son. Kid is already strong as hell. So I'm doing the lat pulldown machine. My left shoulder is feeling good. And I'll tell you, anybody else who has shoulder problems, I got one of those, those foam rollers that you roll yourself out on that fucking kill, right? I also have, you can have like these little exercise, not exercise balls. What would you call them? Those little, what do you call them? They're like fucking these little hard balls. That's what she said, right? They come in different sizes and different levels of hardness. Am I still doing the Roman swipe read right now? Anyway, I got a little red one. No, Jesus, the references here.

Do you, Bill? You got a little red one? Is it hard? Okay, I fucking put it between the back, the wall and my back, and I'm able to roll out my shoulder after each workout, and it hasn't been talking to me. So like I said, I got a little, I got this Atlantic City gig coming after the flight. I'm going to bring that thing along, hopefully. It doesn't get picked when I go through the security line, because I was using another one a while back for my legs. They're amazing to have. I'll tell you what, what is underrated as you get older, stretching and getting a massage, or at least doing some sort of self-massage thing, and not those fucking stupid guns that everybody gets. Those things are useless. You

got to get yourself a Jedi masseuse, all right? And you got to keep going back to the same person, and then they know what your problem is, and then you get a game plan, and then they try and work this shit out. If you combine that with working out and stretching or whatever, you too can look as good as I do. I'm kidding. I look fucking horrific, you know? Although I've been getting along great with my wife lately. Do you know what I did? You know what I did recently? And if you're a married guy, you got to do this every once in a while. You got to have the I had it moment. I've had it with this shit. It's one of the few times a woman will listen to a man in a relationship is when they hear the magic words, I've had it. You know, you can do your version,

I've had it up to here, had it up to her. You can do whatever you want to do it, all right? And the I've had it, I've found that like, you know, you can't use it all the time. If every week you've had it, they know that you haven't had it. Okay, you just you got to let shit build up and build up and build up and build up. And then you then you then you that's when you hit them with it. You know, when when they get mad at you, and you and you stand your ground that you've had it, and then mad, and they make in the face and you still don't give a fuck, then then they know. Then they know they're like, Oh, shit, he is fucking had it. I know this sounds stupid, but it actually works. And me and my wife had a great fight.

And the the end result is that we respect each other more. And we've been really nice to one another. And, and we like each other again. You know, but the worst thing you can do is not say anything. And then let the shit build up and then flip the fuck out. That doesn't work. All right, so I'm telling you right now, you got to you got to say, you know, I think I just told Verzi that today on our podcast. I think once every like 18 months, you can say it, you can just be like, you don't have fucking had it. This is why you're not talking to me. Yeah, I'm talking to you. And I'm talking to you. And I'm letting you know, I've had it. I've had it with this shit. All right, enough.

Well, really, really, you're just gonna keep I don't, I don't, you know, have fun with that. Have fun with that because in all of your shit, you're going to shoot back at me. There's my point sitting in the middle that is going to be dealt with. You know why you know why? Because I've had it. I've had it. I'm going to look that up. I'm going to Google that. I've had it. Let me see if that's a fucking website yet. I've had it. I've had it. Let's see. Husband. I said husband and it actually went up. I've had it with my husband. I've had it. Husband, true story. All right, let's see what this one is. We have your husband. One woman said, it's always about the broads. We have your husband.

We have your husband. True story. My husband used to be a woman. Wait, did I need to put this in quotes? Is that what this person said? And do I gotta do each one in quote? Like quote, I've quote to have an effective Google search. I've had it. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna fucking look up videos, see what the fuck this does. I've had it. I've had it by the Bell Notes. 1959, YouTube. Bunch of husbands. I'll tell you, I've had it with this song. You guys haven't had it. Well, it just doesn't sound like you had it.

Oh, Jesus Christ. The Bell Notes. Look how fucked up my searches are. Man freeze, wolf from fence. Next video. It's not worth it, bro. Longest passing plays in NFL history. The most brutal AWD launches and accelerations. I don't know what that means. Drums, guitar, guitar, drums. I don't know. Anyway, so what do you guys think? Is it gonna be a one game Yankee,

Red Sox playoff? That's what I'm praying for because we're not gonna win it this year, but we can beat any team. Anybody can beat anybody in one game. I mean, obviously, I think the Yankees are gonna win that. They got a better team this year, but we got a chance. I mean, that's fucking nuts. As good as the Yankees, they just won 13 games in a row. Then they'll play one game against the stupid ass Red Sox and we can actually maybe knock them out of the fucking playoffs would be hilarious. That's what I'm hoping for. Anyways, sorry. I've had it by the Bell Notes, 1959. I wonder if they had any more hits after that. Or were they just singing with the record companies

said to them? I gotta look them up. I'll look them up real quick and then they'll be at the Bell Notes. Wiki, oh, they got a Wikipedia page. All right, good for them. Good for them. They made a little bit of money. Bell Notes Wikipedia. Bell Notes were an early American rock and roll group from East Meadow, area of Long Island, New York. The Bell Notes were regular performers in the Bronx in the 1950s and performed at a bar owned by their father, Ray Tabano. Are you fucking doing? He and Stephen Tyler of Aerosmith occasionally played between Bell Notes sets. What? And covered the song. I've had it. Well, it shows you what the fuck I know. Can you believe once again I was wrong? Unbelievable. It's almost like there's a pattern. All right, that is it. Go Red Sox win enough to

have a one game play up with the Yankees and then me and Verzi can have a great bet. I hope you guys are having a great weekend. That is all. That's all I got. Enjoy the music and then I got an extra bonus episode of Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday, morning podcast coming up after this. Have a great weekend. You can Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, September 2nd. Oh, happy Labor Day, everybody. Why is it Labor Day around the world? If it is happy Labor Day to all of you guys out there, especially ones that make all of our clothes, huh? Everybody in the first world out there. Come on. Let's have a nice round of applause

for the six year old in El Salvador, who made your little cargo pants that you're walking around the cookout with right now with your big stupid pockets. Your wife's rolling her fucking eyes gone. Why does he keep wearing those shorts he had in college? Oh, God, the nineties are over. Why doesn't he see it? Why did I end up jumping on his dick instead of that other guy's? That other guy, he became a doctor and he wears slacks now. For those of you around the world listening to this podcast and my ego tells me that there is people around the world, you know, maybe somebody sitting in a bunker, right? Listening to this shit over here in the United States. We have something called Labor Day because we work so fucking hard in this country. That's why we're

number one. You know why? Because we outworked all of you. You bunch of lazy fucking cunts. Actually, we didn't. According to Tom Broca, I was the greatest generation. They fucking did everything except raise their kids right. You know, they raised their kids right where they reacted to the Vietnam War the way they did. Now they would have gone into the Pacific the same way they did in World War Two. We got a job to do. It's got to get done. No one wants to do it. Fuck it. I'm voluntary, right? They were so shell shocked from that they couldn't even look at their kids and then their kids just grew up all spoiled rotten. And then all of a sudden it was their turn to go and then they would just say, Hey, man, like, don't harsh the mellow, man. Right. And that was the

beginning of the end. I'm telling you right now, if less people dodged the Vietnam War, you wouldn't have as many fat people in this fucking country right now. Okay. And if you can't do the math on that one, then you know what? I can't help you. That's one of my new things is I just make stupid statements to people in bars, right? That connect in no way possible. And as I watched their forehead wrinkle up, I throw in and if you can't do the math, then I can't help you. It's a fucking wonderful game because it's so it puts somebody remember when you were like an in like junior high, grade school, junior high or whatever, and kids first started talking about sex. And they would be like, Do you know what this is? And you had no idea, but you didn't want to admit to it.

You know, because you didn't want to be the kid who didn't know, even though nobody was fucking anything at that point, right? But you just didn't want to be the dummy. That's what I'm tapping into. All right. And if you can't do the math on that, then I can't help you. I'm telling you, you got and when you say I can't help you, you got to look away and just let them sit with that. You know, just sitting with them. But that didn't make any sense. Well, should I let it go? Is anybody else noticing that? I don't know what it means. Um, anyways, Labor Day, I don't know what the history of it is. I'm sure I could look it up on Wikipedia, but so could you, you know, what am I your fucking reader?

Do you want me to do it? Because I will. I'll look it up right now. I'll fucking click on this right here, right? And then I'm going to type in Labor Day. L-A-B-E-R. It's B-O-R. Jesus Christ. Labor Day history. What is the history of Labor Day? You know, there's going to be something horrific. Labor Day's politics history begins with worker strikes in 1890s. You knew it. You knew there was going to be some sort of bloodshed, right? And then we all forget years later, we're just sitting around a fucking big green egg smoking a big pork shoulder, which is what I'm doing right now. Uh, Rose Bowl legend, uh, Jason Lawhead will be joining the, uh, um, I should really clarify that Rose Bowl tailgate legend.

I keep calling us legends like we're actually out there playing the game. Oh, look at that. An advertisement for Hertz rental car. You know what? I think I'm actually going to switch to them. This is free advertising for those cunts because whenever I go to the airport and I'm waiting for a fucking budget, those douchebags, I think they have one bus at every airport and I've really tried to sit there and be like, okay, am I just impatient? And so I just started counting buses and I got to tell you, Hertz and Avis, they got a lot of buses national and Alamo. They're kind of like, uh, I don't know. They're from the other side of the tracks. You know, they didn't come from money, but they're working their way up. They got to share a bus, you know, but it's building

character over there. There's a lot of character over at Alamo and, uh, national, but I'll tell you budget, budget, uh, budget wasn't raised, right? You need to stay away from them. I've had it with those cunts. I've had it with them. I've been with them for fucking ever. I've had it with them. All right, Labor Day's political history begins with worker strikes in the 1890s. Yeah, this is when we had sweatshop labor over here, which is why we created unions so that they would stop. And then the unions literally became the fucking thing that they were fighting. All right, leaning on shovels, some on break and all that fucking thing, taking advantage of it. And then the corporate cunts said, oh yeah, well, you know, good luck to you and your union. We're taking the factory

to another country. Go on strike all you want. We're still making money. All right, there you go. Like the Maginal Line, they flew right over the fucker. So now here we are. All right. And that poor guy in rage against the machines got to bring his ukulele all over the fucking country to try and get the people of this nation refocus on what the purpose of a union is. Huh? Because all those, hey man, people, they all had kids. They all had kids. All right. And then they joined unions and then everything left. All right. And if you can't do the fucking math on that, then I can't help you. Feel that? I just walked away. I can't help. Labor Day has fallen upon us once again. Oh, this guy, what a writer. Has it really fallen upon us?

Has it graced itself with our graced ourselves with its presence? Is that how we say it? Labor Day has fallen upon us once again. I would love to look up the douchebag who wrote this and find out how many fucking articles he started that way. You know, just the way there's this hacky standup comics. There's also hacky writers. Like I refuse. Ooh, do you, Bill? Are you really refusing? Can you feel the world shaking in its fucking boots? Fuck you. I have my standards that I live by. I like to think. Piece of shit standards, but standards nonetheless. Um, I don't, I refuse to read any celebrity interview that begins with what they're eating. I think that's the hackiest way to, I've made a zillion times. John Travolta,

you know, breaks into some fucking medium rare steak wearing a smart button down. Shut the fuck up and just ask him what it was like to be in dance fever. All right. Just say, Hey, I'm a star fucker and I can't believe I get to sit across from this icon. It's amazing that when he eats, he also gets shit on his face. You wouldn't think that from an Oscar. All right, for most Americans, we're back to the article now. This means little more than the end of the summer. Oh, really? You're going to talk down to me right at the beginning of the fucking article. Joseph, do you fucking horn rim glasses from the 80s? All right, for most Americans, this means little more than the end of the summer social season. Oh, well, you know,

he's actually right because I did have to look this thing up. Kids and college students alike returned to school, leaving relieved parents to grasp some sense of normalcy. Yeah, Jesus, get to be more fucking dramatic. Cookouts flare on and friends get together for cool drinks after some outdoor fun. Was this written in the 20s? No, because there hasn't been anything racist yet. We're playing horseshoes. Back then they probably used like a black guy. They just hammered his head into the ground and used them as like a steak and nobody said anything wrong with it. Right? Isn't that how bad the racism was back then? I might be wrong on that one. I don't know. All right, amid all the action, everyone seems to

forget that Labor Day, what Labor Day is all about. Well, for the love of God, Joseph, can you get to the fucking point? We get it. You know what it is and we don't. What an asshole. You know what, in his picture he has his glasses on, but as I read this, I picture him taking them off right now to give me a little talk into. During the late 1800s, labor leaders, Labor decided that hard working Americans deserved a holiday of their own. In other words, they felt them getting ready to storm the castle. This is the old bread and circus. After 1894's monumental Pullman railroad strike, Congress decided to federalize this holiday. Ah, God. And let me guess, the fucking morons agreed to it. Hey, we wanted equal pay and we wanted some decent hours. Hey, how about we give you

one day off a year? Is it going to be beer? Of course it's going to be beer. All you can drink. Oh, I don't know about that fellow. It sounds pretty good to me. But he's a jolly good fellow. And that's the end of it. They completely lose their focus. The Pullman strike had such a wide ranging implication that less than a week after it ended, the president that then, fuck, President Grover Cleveland signed the Labor Day Act into law. Now, if you can't fucking do the math on them, don't you see what's happened? This strike happened. And all the fucking blue blood douchebags with their top hats chomping on a cigar, walking around like the fucking penguin, they saw what was coming. People were like, we've had it. We're not going to take this anymore.

And we're coming for you. You tuxedoed cunt on a Tuesday. How much money do you have that you're wearing that get up on a fucking Tuesday, right? Back then they did spats, right? Showed out a big long car. They didn't try to hide it. So they saw what the fuck was coming. And then, you know, Grover Cleveland, so who's kidding? Who? How did he get in office? All those rich cunts, right? So they get him. Hey, Grover, um, he's supposed to call me Mr. President. Grover, get in here. Waddle your fat ass in here, you cunt. Listen. Okay, if this shit, what happened at the Pullman strike, happened straight across this land, we're not going to have the money to keep the whores coming in to suck your dick while your

wife's in the other room. Do you want that to happen? It was a rhetorical question. Just listen to us. Okay, we need to have a fucking day off for these people. Just give me one fucking day off. We'll smoke a pork shoulder. We'll get him a bunch of beer. They'll be so fat and fucking hung over. They'll be good till Christmas. All right, just do this for us so we can keep all the money. Can you do that for us? Haven't we done enough for you? Your fucking name is Grover Cleveland, and we still got you the Oval Office. All right, we ready? On two. On two. Ready? Break. Um, all right, sorry. I think I don't need to read the rest of this. Isn't that what happened? Considering then both U.S. soldiers and federal law enforcement officers killed a number of strikers,

this was the least that he could do. Oh, yeah. God forbid you protest that you're working fucking 900 hours a goddamn week. You know, Jesus Christ. See, this is before they had like fucking, you know, CNN and Fox News to spin it and all that type of crap. All you had was word of mouth going around. You know, I'm sure they had newspapers. They have newspaper. Could people read back in the 1800s? All right, I know I'm just sounding dumber by the second, but I think I made some sort of point there. I like to think I did. Well, this is actually fascinating to me enough. Let's read some more of Jason's article. Is that his name? Joseph, sorry. Minimum wage laws were a long way off. And if one thinks the health insurance is bad now,

it was non-existent then. Then there is the gilded ages near total lack of workplace sanitation and fair-pace pay stands. Oh, yeah. Like when they built like the Brooklyn bridge, like they average like five guys dying a day, a day, something crazy because they didn't understand the bends. And as they were bringing somebody up and they'd start to get it, they're like, bring him up quicker. He's getting sick. And then that would be it. That was it. Your dad went to work and he died. You know, there was no 60 minutes, you know, coming out to fucking help you, Ed Bradley or some shit. So he's still around and he died too. A lot of people died on that show. Um, well, it's been around for 50 years, Bill. A lot of people died on the Brady bunch at this

point. No. Alice is still alive. I don't know about Sam, the butcher. Mike died. The dad died. Dad always dies. You know, fucking working his ass off. Trying to drop some plans and fucking Florence Henderson coming in with the world's first mullet. You know, uh, what the fuck am I thankfully scores of long press labor has eventually got together and formed unions as individuals. They were all but powerless to bring about the positive change in large groups, though, they managed to secure the American dream not only for themselves, but for generations to come throughout the 20th century. Democrats typically favored the interest of non managed workers while Republicans catered to administrators and business owners. Why do

you got to throw the Hatfields and McCoys in there? You know, it's us versus the 5% of them. Okay, stop with the Yankee Red Sox shit. God damn it. Radicals in both parties often destroyed the chance for reasonable solutions to come. Okay, that's fair to complex financial problems, but moderate voices often prevailed. That should explain our country's economic sess success for most of the 1900s. Well, imagine there's more to it than that. But what the fuck? So there you go, people. There's a little ignorant history on this wonderful fucking day. And here we are. 120 years later, and I'm sitting around today doing a podcast, smoking a pork shoulder. I made a fucking apple pie. No, it's going down calories calories will

be consumed on this wonderful day. You know, it would be great is if somehow you could just eliminate greed, envy, jealousy, paranoia, lost basically the seven deadly sins. Okay. Look, I'm far from a fucking perfect person. Oh, geez. But it would be good just at least at that fucking level. You know, if everybody could be like, Hey, you know, we're making enough money. Yeah, we should, you know, give you health insurance. I love that whole fucking myth that if you actually treat workers decently like a fucking t-shirt is going to cost $50. It isn't in order for you to continue maintaining your fucking giant yacht, it would cost that when I was a kid, you know, factories were just starting

to go overseas, but they made a lot of shit here and sneakers weren't the equivalent of fucking $200 or whatever the fuck they said that they were going to be. It's all bullshit. I it's all bullshit. I don't buy a fucking word of it. And that's it. All right. I'm not going to talk anymore because at this point, I'm probably even sounding more ignorant than usual, but my gut tells me I'm right. So go fuck yourselves. Whoa, I just bailed out of that one. Didn't I? Nice barrel roll right out of a fucking moving car. So most of you are probably asking not most of you, but a lot of you, or maybe none of you, but none of you can call in to tell me you're not thinking this. So I'm going to go with this and say you are thinking this shit. You

probably want to what exactly is a pork shoulder? You're eating the shoulder of a pork. It's actually the pigs ass, but you would sell a lot less of them. I think if you said, you know, you know, pig ass, pig rectum, some people will go pig butt. That's the closest I'll say, but yeah, we're eating the, the ass of a pig. We're smoking the fucker and it's going to be delish. Um, so anyways, let's get on with the podcast here, everybody. Do you watch any college football this weekend? Lawhead, come on in. Oh, look who's here. Huh? Jump on. Wait, wait, wait, I got to give you a proper intro. You've never been on the podcast, right? Ladies and gentlemen, we have here the living legend. He's tipping the cap. I keep saying Rose Bowl legend. It's

got to be a Rose Bowl, uh, uh, tailgate legend. Call the fame, grab the microphone right there, grab the microphone, touchdown in a Rose Bowl, but, uh, but we're built, we've built a program here because when we started this thing, it was ugly. It was bad. I mean, we were like a first three no, you weren't even there. You weren't even there. The first tailgate, the first two years, you showed up to the second one, but you weren't cooking. You were at another one. The first year, I only think I remember it was being drunk and Bartnick putting butter on the steaks with two fingers with his index finger, his middle finger, because we didn't have any utensils. He's probably doing that today. And I had this little hibachi and, uh, I just remember, I didn't

know how to cook. I did not a grill or anything like that. I kept flipping the steak and I heard this guy go, please, please stop flipping that steak. Hopefully it was a little holiday fan. Or no, that was the second year I showed up. This, this, this was the first, the first year. This is already how long we've been doing this and how I'm starting to feel like the old man over there. The first year we went there, it was USC versus Penn State fucking Mark Sanchez. Sanchez was quarterback for USC. Pete Carroll was still coach Joe Paterno. Joe Paterno had been uncovered yet. And well, I mean, well, you know, he, but the, the fucking, uh, I actually did stand up for both teams down at the improv. They had like this pre thing. So one night they

had us, one day they had USC, one day they had Penn State Joe Paterno was not there. I often wondered was send dusky there. I mean, granted everybody, he was off the staff by then, but and everybody was shaving. So do you think that if they got to another Rose Bowl after what all that has happened, do you bring your mic down a little bit? Do you think that they would ever, Penn State would ever go to an improv comedy show like that now even? You know, yeah, I think they would. I just some guy that might just, I think they would because they're already on TV and yesterday I caught myself going, Oh, let's see how they rebuild this. And then I had to think, wait and rebuild it from the pedophile case, but they were already

like, they're bringing Joe Paterno statue back out and, uh, you know, they took it down like he was fucking Saddam Hussein. But I mean, dude, I don't want to get into that whole subject because I love the guy, but I just don't know, no matter what generation, no matter how old you are, how you, you know what it is, dude, it's power, it's money, it's the reputation. There was so much shit on the line that they tried to fucking out of handle it. I don't know. Yeah. Who knows, let's not even talk about that. We got a pork shoulder right now. So smoking. So they, so that first year, um, I didn't think we had cigars. We might have had cigars, but dude, we got absolutely fucking annihilated. I think all we had was the steaks or maybe burgers. I can't, I can't fucking

remember. All I remember, dude, I was so, cause you gotta understand when you guys go there, like you, you help with the drinking with Bartnick. I was going like one on one. Like if Bartnick was a wrestler, we'd have to all come running in from the locker room, try to take them down. But I was sitting there mud wrestling scene from stripes when everybody, all the girls had to go take down John. Yeah, shut out of a box. Um, I actually saw that, that actor who played, uh, he played psycho in Francis Sawyer. Yeah. I saw him in an episode of TJ Hooker. TJ Hooker, some of the worst acting ever, ever, and he's still great. He's still great in it. He just, he just was a fucking great actor in Zememeth. No, no, no. The other guy, his partner,

Hooker's partner, the good looking guy, the young guy who played an Italian, but he was terrible. He was, uh, he was like, he was like Eastern block and he played, he played a Romano was his name. I mean, his last name started with a Z. He wasn't Italian. His real last name was like a Z Y M T and then it was like a, well, you have to watch it cause they, they never call him TJ. They just call them Hooker the whole time. So that they'll be like, when TJ is in a difficult situation, they'll be trying to find him out and they got the walkie talkie going hooker, hooker. And it's just like that. I heard Hooker from the day I was born. So like why, how the fuck did they get on the air? Like, why wouldn't you just pick something else?

And that's probably why they just threw the TJ in the title. So they could just have the TJ, but knew that they were going to hook it all the time. They never used it. I don't think you're going to get away with like Hooker Friday night, Hooker on CBS, everybody, although that would everybody want to watch. But I'm saying the characters could have said fucking, could have said like TJ, right? TJ. TJ. That's still bad. That is bad. Call him Tommy. Tommy Hooker. Tom Thomas. He needs, he needs more of a manly name. We built this program to what it is today. I mean, this is like, now what's your risk from where it started to now we're smoking meats. Oh, the day starts with the omelette starts with a heater. Who's kidding? Cool. It starts

off with a whiskey. Then you have a fucking hundred. Joe Bartnick. I could drink a hundred at ease. I love when he does that. Literally, Joe Bartnick after his first sip of whiskey, when it hits his lips, he looks around everybody in this like strong, whispery voice. I could drink a hundred at ease and then the night's the day's on and he loses his ticket and then waits for us at the game. Oh, I don't even know if I even brought that up from last year. That was the worst fucking that was like the Willem Dafoe moment in platoon left him behind. Somehow he lost his ticket. He got picked so big. He put him in his back pocket and I think because I walked to the stadium with him. You guys were a little ahead of us because he was moving slow. You know, Joe's a

big dude. He had about a hundred of these in him. Right. And I was kind of like staying to his pace, like helping him. And then we get to the gate and he goes right to his back pocket and it's gone. And I'm like, I looked at that. I'm like, ah, we walked around. But it was one of those things like if somebody had their game on and they saw that thing sticking out of his back pocket, if he's just, you could just, I mean, no, those crowds, you swipe it and you're gone. Or if it just fell on ground, pick it up, you just go scalp it or something. Yeah. So he had to stay outside. That was the fucking worst. Hey, is it true that they don't sell booze at the Rose Bowl? No booze at the Rose Bowl. That's we were so in the I never noticed by then that we don't even

care. And I never noticed. Yeah, they don't. So I gotta do I gotta do a couple of advertising right here. If you're just tuning in, I like to say that like this is actual radio stations rather than people downloaded it. We're talking three to two in the tent. Rose Bowl tailgate legend. Jason Lawhead, he's over here smoking a fucking pig's ass. All right, dollar shaped club, everybody. There are so many things in this world that irritate me. People with neck pillows, people who ride bicycles and don't get over and feel like I have to drive as slow as them because they want to go out on a ride. My own cowardice. That annoys me. When so many things can irritate you. Why add razors to that list? It's time to stop milking your razor blade,

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catch up on current shows, binge on old favorite favorites or catch a great movie. You can do it all on hulu plus right now. You can try hulu plus for a couple of weeks free on me when you go to the podcast page billburr.com and click on the hulu plus banner or go to hulu plus.com slash bill. That's as easy as it can get. Please make sure you use hulu plus.com so you can get an extended free trial and so they know that we sent you. All right. Makes me a little bit of cashish and it makes your viewing pleasures go through the roof, I guess. Is that what I'm trying to say? All right. And we're back to the podcast here, everybody. You're like, you turned into like the Paul Harvey of podcasters now. You're doing like live spots like right in the middle, you know,

like Paul Harvey. Now you're, you know, Charmin tissue paper. Charmin tissue. And then you'd go right and now the rest of the story. Charmin tissue, wrap a jab in it and light them on fire. It's 1945. Yeah, back then when they would do like the promos for the war, I was watching all this ever since I've been reading these World War II books and stuff and just watching some of those those like propaganda films that they have like dude, like the the the work they would actually show like literally like war crimes, like strafing, I guess was considered a war crime, which is basically if you had people like defenseless in the water after you shot down this ship or whatever shot down the ship torpedoed their ship, they would just see the

survivors in the water and they come and they would show that they do it to us. It was brutal. It was war, man. It's fucking brutal. But what kills me is you think they try to keep it quiet, but they were describing one showing strafing in a movie theater. The crowd was going nuts. And he goes, there they are boys, let them have it. And then he goes, they deserve it. It's like, it's like a Phil Hartman sketch. You know, and they got to like the, they always had the music behind it too, like the, like the happy like parade music. Oh yeah. At the risk of repeating myself from last week, like both sides viewed each other like they were animals, like they thought that we we bled green blood and we had tails. And I don't know, we said we both said

they each side was it was devils. They said, you know, if the Americans come kill yourself, because they're going to eat you and all this type of stuff. And they were actually committing acts of cannibalism. Dude, I've read that this book fly boys, I'm telling you, there's a chapter in there. Like I had to set it down and walk away for a little bit and then plow my because it was such a good book, just that that one chapter on that, dude, it was, I don't know, what's it was smoking a pork shoulder, I don't need to be talking about this. We're going to make some coleslaw coleslaw. Yeah, but I don't need to be talking about fucking cannibalism. If you had to, if you had to eat a person, all right, Jay, I got to ask you

this. What's the body type you would be looking for? You wouldn't want survival or enjoyment? Like if I had to like string it out over like if I had to like stock my shelf, well, if I just really wanted a nice put on a nice suit and I don't want you to go Hannibal Lecter, I want you to be let's consider for a second that I'm surprised at that that reaction. But let's just say you're a one night out or is it on an island? I'll take John Goodman if I'm you know what I mean, like, yeah, but okay, John Goodman will be nice and marbled. Yeah, that's a lot of flavor in that. A lot of flavor. You got an athlete. It's going to be too tough. Exactly. You know, right. That's why that's why I ask and then you got to get that you know what

you're the best one you got. You got to get that married guy who used to work out, but now he's got four kids. I figured that would be Travolta. That would be the best eats. He's like the nice, nice middle of the road kind of a guy. Yeah, and he used to dance. Yeah, he's a big soft in areas where you can taste really good. Like is no you think like now is like his nose or his double chin would taste really good. Like I'd be like a snack. That's too exotic. That's like the pig hoof. No, big cheek. I ate it one time and I started like sweating after my body was just like, what kind of fucking meat is this? Now you got you got to go with the nightmares for like a month straight. Yeah, you got to go with Travolta's pork shoulder. Yeah. All right,

let's say okay, let's go with this. Philip Seymour Hoffman or or John Travolta. John Travolta be more like an age steak. This is probably so fucking disgusting. And I think Philip Seymour Hoffman you'd have to do a lot of cleaning like you'd have to clean like Travolta looks like he waxes. So you wouldn't have to go off there. You wouldn't have to like, chop so much of the hair off. You know, like if I get killed a bear compared to a deer, you have to really work the bear over. All I'm thinking right now is Louis De Palma. Let's get out of this. Hey, you're a big college football fan. What you watch this weekend? Well, obviously, I was in Vegas this weekend. I watched my Buckeyes. We didn't look great, but I got some work to do on

defense. Number two in the country. Oh, yeah, wait, we might be seeing them. But you guys, you guys can't poke got yourself out of the hole real quick. Like that guy in the Viagra commercial when he hooked the truck up to the horse, right? Well, we got her man, Urban Meyer. That guy goes everywhere that guy goes. He wins. I mean, his winning percentage is ridiculous. Like 870. I mean, he's he got an undefeated season at Utah one year. I'm not as deep as you know, he's not the guy who was there when they got suspended. He left, right? Dressel's gone. The white haired guy. Dressel's gone. We had the defensive coordinator was like I ran into him for one year. Thank God Meyer got sick of his family after a couple of years.

He was spending time with my family. Now, luckily they were annoying and he's back on the scene. And he's got two national titles. He probably could have won one in Utah. If it was before it was prior BCS, you know, Alex Smith, he recruited Alex Smith. You know, why did I hear like they're getting rid of the BCS like this is the last year? They're going to go to the big, they're going to go to that final four type thing. They're going to go to a finally like a somewhat of a playoff. Oh, you got to play two games. Yeah. You're going to have a final for an NCAA football final four. Do you know how huge that's going to be? It's going to be ridiculous. And you know, most of the games will be played right here in our backyard right here. I mean,

they're, they'd be idiots not to use Pasadena for that. That's going to be amazing. Well, I gotta tell you, I watched my LSU Tigers playing the TCU. He go broke. Frogs. Hey, you know what's funny is I couldn't find the fucking game because I kept looking up LSU when they were on all I saw was versus Texas Christian University. And I'm so dumb. I didn't know what they did. They never said it the whole game. They didn't go, come on, Texas, Christian University. They went, TCU. Frogs. Come on. Frogs. That was the game we saw them against Wisconsin. That was the game when we basically knew then we had to up our game in the tailgate realm. It was that TCU Wisconsin game. Like, was that two or three years ago?

And that guy next to us had the flat screen TV generator. That's when we were like, dude, what are we doing? We thought we had, we thought we came more prepared from the year before, which was right. And then we were like, last year, last year, the first time we had people looking at our tailgate, go and see those guys, they're doing it right. People were coming over every time I lifted that thing. The big one is women. When women start looking over going, they got up because women don't forget anything. No. Yeah, we had like moms, like Wisconsin moms coming over going, what are you cooking? Like what is that? People are like kind of like trying to be nice to us to see if we'd offer them someone. It was done like it. Oh yeah. It was great.

It's the greatest thing. But I watched the LSU TCU game and I gotta tell you about this is supposed to be a rebuilding year for us. This is my team. I love this. But I gotta tell you, well, dude, what am I going to do? BU got their football program. They're gone. And BC, I never was, I like their hockey, but I just was never into the football team. I just was never into it. I never liked the uniforms. Well, yeah, I just did that maroon with the gold. I just never got good every one like once every 10 years, every, they did an amazing job. We had some great coaches there, the fucking guy there with the, the, the rosacea on his face from the windburn. Oh, Tom Coughlin. Yeah, we had him when it's not in season. I can't remember anybody's fucking name.

But anyways, we got that Mettenberger guy at quarterback and now they're not switching off. He actually looked really fucking solid. They got Cam Cameron now in his, the QB coach. Dude, everywhere that guy's going. Phillip Rivers, Drew Brees and what's his face? Joe Flacco won the Super Bowl last year. He coached all of those guys. So I feel good about that. They got a, they got this new kid, Ego Ferguson. It's great, isn't it? SEC names are the best. What a fucking great name. Anthony Johnson, both those guys were beasts yesterday. And then they're saying that, you know, the receivers are right. Odell Beckham's are right. That's going to be a good year in the SEC. Cause I, I mean, obviously that's what we're doing here. We're doing spur of your ball. If,

if LSU didn't, didn't have that one, that one fumble, that blue kid, I don't know whose fault it was, but dropped it right there and just basically gave him seven points. But TCU actually looks strong. And they're fucking uniforms are great. Yeah, it was black on. Did you hear what on blue, why they had that? No, it's purple with purple black on purple. Yeah. Yeah. But why they had the, uh, that red stripe? No, because I guess when the horn toad or whatever the fuck it is, the horn frog, when it gets mad and it gets upset, blood comes out of its eyes. Really? Yeah. So that's what that's supposed to be. We got to see one. I got to see one of those in real life. I've never seen one in real life. Are they at zoos or do they exist? They do. Well, how you do the sign

that they have is it's the Fred Sanford yard. I got the arthritis hands. I can't work. I can't pick it up. Hey, do you need to check on that shoulder? All right, man. Yeah. And then come back. So anyways, yeah. So I am, uh, I am not referring to LSU is, is my team as, uh, just because I don't know. I just did that acting gig down there. And I got to tell you, I actually miss New Orleans, New Orleans. How would the fuck you say it? I, I was there long enough to see the regular people where they live in those fucking awesome houses. I got to tell you the humidity is for the fucking birds. Um, but I don't know. I really liked it. And I actually was getting into the saints. It was just a fun town, party town. People like to booze. I like

to booze. People like sports. I like sports. You know, the only thing was missing was a fucking hockey team. And then I liked the fact that they named that team the pelicans and everyone was giving them shit, including me. And they were starting to fucking bond over the fact that nobody liked their name. And, uh, I don't know. I spent too much time down there and I fell in love with the fucking city. Go ahead and sue me. So when law heads comes back, we're going to talk about our upcoming trip out to Denver. Um, what am I going to talk about now? Is it time to get into the questions? Oh fuck, 37 minutes in. Let's get into the questions for this week, everybody. Uh, Syria, general Billy Patton. Here's what's going on in Syria. I love that he starts with

that. In other words, I kind of fucked up what, uh, whatever I said was going on last week. So here's the real deal. I guess Assad is killing his people. Now that's the, uh, the grand Puba who's in charge over there. He's killing his people, not all of his people, just the people that don't like him and anybody who's standing nearer. I think anyways, equally terrible rebels, some of whom are Al Qaeda, Al Qaeda are now going to be supported by the U S military. Now you're probably wondering, well, why would we support anything that Al Qaeda is doing? Cause there, it's, it's a money thing. I guess this is sad, isn't doing what we want them to do. So, uh, we're going to try and support the fucking, uh, the Marlins, right?

Did that work? Did the Marlins suck this year? I have no idea. Anyway, estimated up to 1.5 million civilians have been displaced. That means homeless, I guess. So now we're going to bomb Syria, but also target some of Russia's shit in, in Syria. Yeah. Cause they're supporting, uh, the Assad guy. What's my call? Well, I gotta tell you, Russia is the six and nine team that nobody wants to play. I mean, how the fuck do I know? I don't know what's going on over there. I don't know who's, I look, I know that the only reason why we're over there is because of fucking money and something that comes out of the ground. Other than that, we don't give a fuck.

All right. We don't, we didn't give a shit about the people in the Marlins. Why would we give a shit about them over there? It's all about fucking. I don't, I don't know. And whether that is the proper way to do it, or if that's an evil way of doing what's goes on around the world. I have no idea because I've never sat in a meeting in the Pentagon. So I have no idea what's going to go on over there. I feel bad for all the innocent people sitting there in the crossfire. And I feel lucky that I can lay in a bed and do a podcast right now. I need some fucking poor pigs ass. That's all I got for you, sir. What's my call? Um, well, it's an uphill battle. I'd have to say, I mean, it's a home game for Assad.

And, uh, now that they brought in the Russians, I mean, well, they don't have the greatest record. They, well, they beat the fucking Germans. That was great. They just backed into their own country and just burned and blew up dams and bridges and all that. They fucking raped their own goddamn country. So the Russians would have nothing to fuck. They drew them in and then the winner came. And then that was it. They did the old Ropa dope before fucking Ali. So you got to give them that one. Then the, but then they lost in Afghanistan. That's always a hard thing though. When you, when you got a road game in the game of war, that's such a fucking hard one to win because, uh, the occupying game, because they know eventually you're going to fucking leave,

right? Eventually, you know, your soldiers are going to want to go home, right? Sit down, have a fucking sandwich and get any, I don't know, find love and get on with their fucking life. So that's, I don't know, Afghanistan. That's a tough one, man. You know what they are? They like the charges in the first round of the playoffs. Just a very, very dangerous team. Um, so what's my call? I think it's going to cost, uh, billions of dollars. It's going to make a couple of people, uh, a billion dollars than everybody else is just going to be suffering. That's what I think is going to happen and it's probably going to ruin some of the environment. That's what I, that's my call. Uh, more of the same,

sir. And it's just going to breed more hatred and it's not going to solve anything. That's what I think. All right. Onward and upward towards new levels of, uh, misery. All right. Grass fed steak. Uh, there are bill bunches. You talked about juicing and all that. Have you switched to grass fed steak? Switch to what I've been eating at the whole fucking time. I do two juices a day and then I throw down for dinner. Right? I eat like a yoga instructor for the first two fucking meals and then I eat like John Wayne. So what's better than doing it three times a day? Um, anyways, he said it's amazing. It tastes like steak tasted like 15, 20 years ago before they started pumping the cows full of everything. Well, I think they've been doing it longer than

that. Haven't they? There's a company called grass fed beef company that Rogan talked about and had the owner on his podcast. I highly recommend, uh, I'll cool. I highly recommend the Joe Rogan experience podcast because it's the exact opposite of this one where I just say shit with no facts behind it. Borderline makeup stuff. Um, he actually, uh, oh, shitty. You got a TV show on about Joe Rogan questions everything. So, um, this is like, I, I do what I do on this podcast is kind of like, you know, when you had what you thought was a cool teacher and then years later you realized he was completely irresponsible and wasn't doing his job slash maybe trying to fuck one of the students. That's what I do here. What Rogan does, Rogan actually teaches

the class. He earns his paycheck. All right. There you go. Probably just lost some fucking listeners, but you know what? Every once in a while, even I have to tell the truth, you know, uh, back to school. Mr. Burr, do you miss going back to school? I miss the social aspects of it. I miss if I could have appreciated going like going back to school, especially if you're in like a public school, that's like going to a club with no cover charge and every woman in there is single and is in their prime, you know, as are you. All the guys have full heads of hair, right? All the ladies, yeah, they're looking good. I mean, just to fucking shooting fish in a barrel. You don't need no opening lines or anything. What's your sign? But, you know, you've been

going to school for fucking ever. They got to do, Hey, you know, just shoot the shit with them. I wish I knew that. I did not know that. Hence, that was a complete failure, failure in that department. Anyways, because I'm 31 and every year around this time, I think about how fun it was to go back to school. Despite the fact that I hated summer ending and didn't want to be in class, you knew you didn't have a choice and focused on the good things like which girls are going to come back hot. Will there be a new hot girl in school? I'm glad I get to see the girl. I had a crush on last year, but didn't see all summer because I was a nerd and had no balls. What do you miss? Yeah, I miss all of that. I miss running into my friends because back before you even had a car,

like you wouldn't see even most of your friends all summer. Yeah, I missed out on a lot of shit. That's like when Star Wars came out and we didn't have, you know, we only had three channels and we didn't have the ones that the kids watch the UHF stations. And I guess that that's where they advertised it. I don't know. We were living in a bubble. I went outside every day, played in the woods, played sports, went swimming. I completely missed out when Star Wars came out. And when I got back to school in September, everybody was talking about it and I had no idea what anybody was talking about. I just had to kind of like just stand there and then people realized that I wasn't contributing. You know, I felt like Steve Carell and fucking 40 year old

Virgin when he's talking about feeling up a girl saying it feels like a bag of sand. You know, when he said that, like that's what I had nothing. And so finally somebody asked me, they're like, you know, Bill, did you see Star Wars? And I was like, no, actually I didn't. And then all the little kids, oh my God, you didn't see it? What a fucking losing. And that was it. And I got trashed. I literally got trashed for the rest of recess. What's wrong with your parents and blah, blah, blah. And I just wish like that's one of the things I wish I could go back to certain parts. Jay Lawhead's back everybody. We're talking about going back to school here. And by we, I mean me and my listeners who aren't talking and just saying things that you missed.

Are there any moments that you wish you could go back to in school to just have that fucking comeback you know when somebody gave you shit or maybe beat the shit out of somebody or maybe fucking ask the girl out the regrets? Anything? That's a good question. You know what I one big regret I have is that my parents always said one of them always took me to school. That wasn't cool. To what? To what? Because my parents were all the way. My dad was my heist, my senior government teacher. Oh my God. I rolled into my the high school of my I rolled into high school with my dad every day. Jesus. But that must have been some girl stuff that was cute. They did because my dad all the girls thought my dad they like there was a couple girls that like had shrines to my dad.

He was kind of a good looking guy for his age back then he had the power. You know how the guys when you had the power Jay's dad by the way is a Hall of Fame high school basketball coach. Great guy you met him but he he so he had that unbelievable guy. But he was also a sharp looking guy. He was a good dresser. He's kind of like a Pat Riley Chuck daily of his era. He was a sharp dresser. Good head of hair. So there was a one girl in my class I won't name her because if she's listening she's yeah don't never don't name names no but she had like I I discovered this my junior year she had a shrine of my dad because he was a coach so there would be newspaper articles or anything she cut out of like our school paper. She opened her locker one day and there was a

shirt like pictures of him from the newspaper pictures of him coaching pictures of him from the thing like she was like and what did you do seriously like creepy you know I'm kind of half him yeah I'm like that's got to be where the hand job seven of him I'm a seventh of him I hope but I'm like so it was just kind of creepy but I think the one thing is I was held back in the fifth grade this is like kind of a joke why I tell because this is really in trouble maker but the thing was is like a little bit of like a troublemaker not doing my work getting in with the wrong crowd type thing but I the joke was it's drugs no no no I was just like you know like you know getting sent to the office a lot being you know sent in the corner I was fifth grade I

mean I wasn't doing you know I got held back in first grade but not because of me my my brother was gonna borderline get held back in third grade and then my dad you catching him and no my dad just had this one for all all for one kind of thing so he held everybody back and then just felt like boys are more aren't as mature as girls they should be held back so he held all of us back yeah that's part of why I was like the maturity level of just being a I was the youngest and you know what's funny is I still completely fucking screwed up in in high school dude I actually went back to my parents house a few years ago and you know I was getting the last remaining shit out of there and my mother doesn't throw anything out and she had some of my my rapport

cards dude I mean just it was fucking ridiculous it was C's D's and we didn't have F's they were called E's I don't know why I'd see those like C's D like it's like the high watermark maybe was a solid C and it was just D plus D minus D E E and you're a smart guy huh you're a smart guy I mean that's like interesting like no you're a smart guy I mean you're a genius but you're a smart guy and from what I know I was hoping that I know what I'm good at and I what I'm good at is being a loudmouth fucking idiot and somehow thanks to this business I'm able to turn that into a living but if I was in anything else I was always a good I got a good work ethic for my parents but I trust me dude I failed at a lot of shit a lot of shit yeah I just I just wanted to have fun dude that's

all I want to do I didn't want to like I didn't want to I didn't want to work I didn't mind working but it had to be fun that's why I like working in warehouses I like blue collar jobs because there was this thing where you were working but you weren't in like this office or this cubicle you weren't in this designated area it switched you had different job sites and everybody was fucking funny like I had a buddy mind he did construction and I went over to his job site one time and dude they were the funniest motherfuckers and they had like catchphrases they had this thing what they would do if anybody bitched they would just like someone'd be like you know what the fuck is my nail gun I blah blah and you hear somebody all the other side of house just go like this baby thing

this wah thing and that's what they would get because what they were doing was this unbelievable it was a fucking bitch of a job so what it is you just saw how humor worked because if he starts bitching everybody bitches then you're just doing this job and you got this negative thing so it was this way to because anybody would do it they would start fucking laugh everybody else would start fucking laugh and you'd be 90 degree heat putting a fucking roof on a house just hating your life dude I remember one time I lasted I lasted 10 days doing this shit before I went back to the warehouses I was fucking working with these guys and we were putting a roof on something and I had to put like the the scaffolding like the supports up drilling holes in and fucking you know hanging on the side

of the house so they put the board across it so they could do the fucking the roof and I remember next door was his house with a backyard with an in-ground pool and these two fucking hot chicks are bringing out shit and these two guys fucking Jersey Shore looking guys laying out right and enjoying their fucking summer and I was just sitting there going like what the fuck is wrong with this picture I remember one of them one point was looking up watching this work and like he was just one of those good looking shredded guys so he didn't have a fucking ounce of guilt not an ounce where I would actually in shame gone back into the house like I don't want to be enjoying the pool with those guys working like that they this guy was just fucking like if you would have turned the

radio louder dude you would have felt like we were making the roof for him he just fucking owned it and I'll tell you that guy he has no regrets from his childhood he crushed I you just see this guy's crushing everything he was this is fucking beautiful guy that's funny I still remember that and there was this Irish guy Billy you must work quicker you must work quicker and at one point I got mad like dude this is the first time I fucking ever put these up if you want me to go faster and you've land on your fucking back I'll do it you know I've never had a real job that's one of the one thing I've loved about my life so far is I've never had one of those jobs where you just hate every day like you know going into I've always worked in the restaurants or you know hard

like hard labor worked out on the highway crew worked out a little construction the more of a labor I didn't know how to build any uh right carry in the ship but those kind of guys you're right that those kind of jobs are where you meet really funny people that you know appreciate the things that that they get when they get them because they're working their ass off dude you know what you know one time like we had a guy who worked and the guy was a total fucking alcoholic like cokehead maniac and one time he showed up like I swear to god like he was supposed to be the 830 showed up like 10 30 10 45 and he comes in all bleary died and and his fucking hair was soaking wet from a shower and he just comes walking and he goes all the traffic traffic was his fucking hair

who's soaking wet dude his eyes look like roadmaps right he's big like it was funny he had like this he was a big guy but he never worked out it was just all calories from his awful life and he had this limp fish handshake he had skinny arms and skinny legs and just this keg of a chest and you know what any of those guys just keep pushing the pants down and tightening the belt so he fucking um so we just used to keep giving him shit this is before like being an alcoholic was considered like a sad disease so I remember we were going to get donuts that day and fucking hilarious we'd go hey you know Paul you know I can't see I just said his name Paul Paul you don't want you want uh you want anything from dunkies we're going to dunk a donut you want

anything you want to you know and back then they had muffins they had they had donuts and that type of shit and he just goes that and somebody goes how about a donut no good muffin no I'm good coffee no I'm good and then this other guy goes how about a rum cake we all fucking laughed our asses off of the guy long story short he finally ends up getting fired and he left one of his remember the remember Shackets it was like a it was a jacket and a shirt it was basically like a flannel shirt with like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it had the yeah yeah Shackets so he left that thing behind and this one dude you talk about like a funny bastard and like but really like artistic he took all these empty boxes and made like a giant statue of the guy out of the boxes

and he put the jacket on it and he drew these blurry eyes and he put like this mop and thing on top dude we fucking came in even the boss we were fucking howling at this drunk that we didn't even try to help we just fired fired the guy sent him out on the street and then we just made that we laughed our asses off and we and we left it up for like fucking like like the shrine it was up for like two weeks and then finally the boss was just so we're on low on boss boxes you gotta you gotta take that thing down dude we had this other guy I feel bad about this one this guy we hired this guy and the boss thought it would be a good idea to hire somebody that was a little bit older to try to get some sort of fucking maturity because dude we won't we won't we just did all this dumb

shit like you didn't care about your job it is the dumb shit and then we had like these things that we would do to get through the day I remember there was this guy hey what bit is this thing in and it was it was 737 and he kept going 737 and the guy what what and he finally jumped off these boxes and did like this karate thing went 737 as loud as he could and then one day we just decided we were all going to scream that at the same time and the door was open from the warehouse into the suited area where everyone was dressed like Michael J. Fox and out of nowhere and if it was just really quiet summer day the entire warehouse screamed at the top of their lungs just went 737 right and I'm so stupid I don't know why we did it picked his fucking head up and his boss

immediately came running in and he's going they're yelling they're yelling out here what like like we were animals like what are they doing and then he got fucking I almost said balled out this is how old this story is remember that expression all about he got he got yelled at and then he came out and he had this high-pitched voice and he'd be like you know come on you guys you know you're all here blah blah blah and then whenever he would talk we would just do this impression of him back we wouldn't even listen we would just be going come on come on you guys I love the trucks and he would just be frustrated and would walk away shaking his head and would just be like bunch of babies just a bunch of babies and we wouldn't listen to anybody like the level of mad that he had to get

because he oh that's right because he used a substitute no he used to be us and then he got promoted and then that and that was that's what it was like I've also wondered how Bill Russell was able to coach his players even though they all won together and he was the legend he had you know nine rings at that point 10 rings before he got his 11th like there's just something about like dude you're telling me to run the stairs now give me a fucking break exactly that's where yeah come on all right let me I gotta read one more advertising here my little more Paul Harvey thing here and then I gotta go uh good day good day what do we got here is this it uh we got a couple here all right ladies and gentlemen uh e-voice if you're an entrepreneur and a customer

calls do you want to seem like you're in a high-rise window view fancy pants office or do you want them to know you're sitting in your underwear with e-voice you can create the appearance of an entire building sales customer support tech support you name it they're gonna think you got a giant office give your customers the royal treatment with e-voice e-voice will forward business calls to your home mobile or any number you choose wherever you are e-voice will find you don't have time to take a call no problem it's routed to your voicemail and you can read it at your convenience as an email e-voice not only gives you an edge over competitors it takes away the edge that big companies have over you right now why because you can appear that you're just as big

as they are and now you can try e-voice for 30 days for free go to e-voice.com used to promo code bill that's e-voice.com promo code bill b-i-l-l or just go to the podcast page for billbird.com and click on the e-voice banner last but certainly not least legal zoom everybody most americans do not have a will but why I don't know because they don't have a pot to piss in yeah that's why I don't have a will that's what I would guess but if you do if you do it if you do have a pot and it is filled with piss you don't want government rules dictating what happens to you to your property and your minor children a lot of people have children here we go this is why so why procrastinate most people say it's too expensive too time-consuming I don't want to do it my answer is legal zoom.com

too expensive you're gonna love legal zooms responsible prices too time-consuming I love these questions most people finish the online process in just 20 minutes and we're not just talking some fill in the blank form your will is a state specific purse and personalized based on your information best of all legal zoom has 12 years of experience helping people with important legal matters it's national make a will month everybody every month is I get this I've been saying this for three months so don't wait any longer go to legal zoom.com today and get 15% off your last will but this offer ends soon or get a legal trust and you'll receive a power over will absolutely free to get your special discount be sure to enter burr in the referral box to

check out for wills powers of attorney and trust and more go to legal zoom.com legal zoom can provide self-help services at your specific direction or connect you with attorneys but they are not a legal law firm there we go you know what I think I just read advertising from last month I like how they basically that I mean I like I like how that basically like they say everything in a roundabout way of basically please don't trash my advertisers do it before oh wait wait they're basically saying do it before you I wasn't supposed to read legal zoom that I messed up so they got a free one in there that's why you know that's why I keep saying it's national make a will month yeah who is it really no I didn't uh well there's always something

like I don't know what time I was in Atlanta and it was it was national blueberry pancake day you know from the people who bring you blueberries comes blueberry pancake day it's just like it's naming a star except there's only 365 all right let's let's move on here where are we in the podcast oh by the way how's how's the uh she's looking good did you peek oh yeah I just peeped she's looking good there's a little we're right we're right at 275 well I wanted to make sure that the chips were you know needed any we got you know we're adding you know apple soaked apple chips to this bad boy we're smoking them oh what did you start with the apple you started with the apple yeah just sprinkling we're gonna get some victory in there yeah I'm on the smoky

taste we're back and it was some hickory yeah don't don't give me uh the core's light of smoked fucking pig butt no uh all right need to stop being a nervous cut this is gonna be the last one here people uh billy redface love the podcast oh speaking of redface the red state tour it got splintered because of the acting work so this but no but I I'm making up all of them so this week is gonna be uh boulder and pikes peak on wednesday and friday thursday we have off dum dum dum dum we're going we're going to the uh bronco's uh ravens game my buddy in vegas this weekend he wanted me to ask you he goes because you know when you under the disguise i'm from cleveland everybody originally if you haven't known that but the funny thing is when i told my boys this weekend i was

going to the broncos ravens game they're like what is the guy not like you because you know the ravens are the browns and the broncos like put it in our heart like nine times in the but you guys you guys oh but no but it has nothing to do with that's the actual cleaver brown franchise at this point you just hate the ravens well because they're the browns yeah originally because they're the browns sure of course yeah we still hate them because of that that's why we hate them and they're in our division and they they they they go to the ravens win a super bowl twice and we you know what i mean there that's does does ozzy knew some still work for them yeah he that's the problem he's the only guy that went with modell and he's been running that team

and he had just gotten the job like we he was an ex player he had just gotten the job as president of football operations when we were in cleveland they leave town he goes he they got two super bowls you know why you guys never get you i don't know if you would want the attention because i live through it it sucks you don't want to be like oh the sports misery capital of the world the reason why you guys don't get the attention is because you're not rivals with new york city i think that that's why we got what we did because uh it was yankees red sox and then like well you know what it was the browns get a little bit of that because we're a stealer rival well we're not starting to consider it a rival anymore the Pittsburgh doesn't even worry about us but

we we the browns specifically do kind of have that moniker in the nfl kind of realm because of that stealer rivalry and they won six but you know what's crazy is if you go back and count nfl championships and super bowls combined we still have more we have seven nfl championships and i think it's so fucking ridiculous that they don't count nfl championships because the green bait packers are the yankees of football oh yeah they've they've won in all eras they had a rough the 70s and 80s were rough for them all right when the lin dickie yeah years but even then they had james lofty at one point they had james lofton and john jefferson and they had nobody to throw the ball to one of the worst moves a player ever made john jefferson said he went from the san

diego chargers air quarrel with dan fouts dan fouts and he signed for more money to play in frozen fucking green bay it wasn't lin dickie at that point i forget who but was before magic now before the magic man whoever the fuck they had in between there they just they just went through a bad period and um he said he said if i stayed in san diego uh jerry rice would be breaking all my records and i'm telling you he wasn't lying no no doubt he was he was unreal him and i remember west chandler oh west chandler west chandler in that strike here where the redskins won it he fucking uh he still had over a thousand yards that's how much they were throwing it really those guys only played like 12 games didn't i less than that dude they played like

eight or nine eight or nine that the the i want to say the redskins were like eight and one that year yeah because the scrubs played like four of them right or whatever they call them oh was that that year the scabs scabs yeah that kind of something about yesterday something that that i find fascinating it's just how like certain teams just they they get new coaches they get new owners and blah blah blah but they just still there's this thing where they just like the giants will always just have a great defense the bears always have a good defense but they for the life of them the bears have never had a superstar quarterback ever even jim mcman jim mcman was a personality he was like he was like the leader the downtown julie brown of quarterbacks right like

more like a socialite i would put him he couldn't jump you know he couldn't carry you on his back in the fourth quarter like an elway or montana he wasn't that kind of a not they've never had that cleveland autogram maybe was your last superstar bernie was tough man oh bernie cozar okay bernie was good i mean but yeah really i mean we had frank ryan a lot of people for brian sype people forget frank ryan brian sype won an mvp in 81 almost won it again in 82 um frank ryan was great frank ryan i believe through brian sype rick springfield same guy telling you same guy when in my head when i think of him frank ryan though a lot of people don't realize i think frank ryan has the greatest winning percentage of any starting quarterback in the history of the nfl he came after autogram

but he was winning paul brahm they were still winning titles like just winning titles left and right all the time and you had bill bellacheck for one year last time we won a playoff game the last time we won a playoff game we beat the new england patriots and bill bellacheck was our coach yeah the last time 94 i was at that game wildcard game in cleven stadium the last time we have won a playoff we beat hey who do you like uh who do you like uh what do you think pate manning west welker i love that man too wildly veterans that's like state i think we're gonna see of like a 45 38 or thursday night you think so yeah blacko they can put it do but all the more is gonna put up some points this year they're gonna have to because that defense ain't gonna be as good as it

used to be we're gonna see a ball game yeah but it's blacko that good blacko's that good you thinking put out numbers like that i'm not saying he's not a good quarterback because i think he's he's a good court i didn't believe in him forever and i was wrong that playoff run man i think that playoff run showed it but is he like he's gonna go fucking touchdown for touchdown against manning well i mean maybe not maybe not all season long but in this game you know what's funny about manning is like everybody was looking him like he was a little fragile china doll and now now that he made the season he's nobody's even thinking about it like he keep one hit they was showing his spinal cord this guy could never walk again and now nobody's nobody's talking about it the longest

some of them are predicting him to win the mvp award this year longest neck since uh steve grogan merton hanks is another name steve grogan too steve grogan had to wear like two neck braces just to pile them up yeah well they have they have all that flesh between the shoulder pad and the helmet yeah like two or three of them just on top of each other we'll see yeah i think they're gonna have a they're gonna oh this is my my prediction on uh uh tim tebow tim tebow's gonna get cut and he's gonna go to the cfl he's gonna become a superstar up there like dug fluty did and he's gonna come back the end of his career either with buffalo with the bears really that's my prediction you think he's going to the cfl cfl yes sir you heard it here tonight and Monday morning podcast

yeah he'll be able to and be able to run around because it like it dates off that feels like a hundred yards in both directions right or meters whatever the fuck they say it's 110 long and i think 60 wide did see see what i'm saying just when you guys thought i was a sports fan this is why i go to him he he fucking knows everything all right need to stop being a nervous cunt billy red face love the podcast uh as soon as i have a need for any of the services that advertise in your show i'll make sure i go there was okay thank you um this may not rate jesus get to the fucking point i'm dying a slow death working a day job that isn't fun anymore the money's great i'm 32 and make a mid six figure salary but like you i'm not really motivated by more money i would much rather okay

i dream on a daily basis he wrote that all on capital letters about doing comedy full time all right jay this guy's making mid six figures he's 32 years old i'll trade you you can have i got 45 minutes you can take it right now give me the mid six figures i'm gone uh stand up improv sketch performing writing producing i'd love to do it all i'd love to do it all all the time but the flip side of not being motivated by more money is being motivated by the fear of not having enough see i'm a nervous cunt as you would say i will do once you're making mid six figures in your 32 years old you're not nervous you're you're also kind of rational okay you'd like that's why you try and start as young as you can because you're stepping off a curb rather than

a fucking three-story building at this point that you own and have tenants and um i didn't start till i was 31 yeah no no no absolutely and what's his face retired um danger field and he came back i'm not discouraging the guy i'm just saying that he's not but i wasn't making six figures i don't think i would have jumped off the curve for that right but he's look he's he's he's not nervous is what i'm saying he's thinking rationally so anyways he goes see i'm i'm a nervous cunt as you would say with the new jersey mortgage aka the land of high taxes bills and a three-year-old daughter i can't bring myself to cut and run from the corporate country i work in my wife and i have no debt other than the mortgage do that's great that's great man and we generally live below our

income level that's also great those are two things you need to do which people don't do anymore in the country you really need to do that man uh but i don't think we live at or below the income that we'd have if i stopped killing myself on a daily basis by commuting to a fucking computer instead of commuting to a couch with a laptop and a giant cup of coffee just to work on comedy ship i love shit i love how he's he's romanticizing being a comedian yeah although he's kind of right it's more coming out your pajamas with a hangover trying to figure out how to get that fucking whatever you picked up that night out of your hotel room and then going downstairs and having a greasy breakfast to fucking i don't know

anyways i have no frame of reference to know how much money could be made or how long it would take to make it and i'm scared shitless that i don't have the talent or the balls or both to actually get paid to make people laugh in spite of believing in bub bub bub all right my friends tell me to practice practice common shit dude i can get right to the end of this all right this is what you gotta do you do both don't quit your fucking job this is what you do write five minutes of material and go sign up for an open mic and try stand-up comedy okay that way if you go up and you eat your fucking balls and you hated it and it was humiliating and you don't ever want to do it again you're not going to be sitting at your cubicle going what if you're going to be like no i tried it i

i bombed and i didn't like it now if you go down there and you go up and even if you bomb but you still like it you know which is a major fucking sign if you bomb and you still like i want to come back then just keep coming back and keep doing that and just balancing it out and i but i you need to have a major talk with your wife and just say listen this is going to kill me if i never try this i but i promise to you i promise you that there's going to be no let down me as a husband or a father here but there will be you know a couple of nights a month at first just to see i just have to know okay and then if she goes well you're making mid six figures and blah blah blah blah that's when you start pointing out all the morons that you listen to on podcasts that are

making fucking money in this business okay and i'm telling you dude if i can do it anybody can fucking find a place uh well not anybody you know what i mean if you have any sort of fucking talent you can do it jay i've watched you there is one thing i'd like to say real quick before you say that because he's mentioned money a couple times like he's like i and then i don't know i don't have any frame of reference about how much money i could make if i could make any or da da da the one thing is you can't i don't think you can worry about that going into it because you know you see them every day in the clubs in la and everywhere else within five or seven years you could be a millionaire and then you know what five or seven years after that nobody wants to

work you i mean because it's a it's a it's a it's a different that all goes down to what he was talking about and it goes goes all down to that living within your means paying down your house not carrying credit card debt like dude i these fucking people doesn't mean that you don't be smart doing that and then still not this people nine five years after you were making a million you know what i mean right this business in this business but there's people in the nfl in the nm nva and in show business with their own tv shows living paycheck to paycheck because they're doing the exact same fucking thing that you do just at a much grander scale and everybody goes how the fuck could you fuck that up and you know most people saying that are doing it at that level at

their level now it's look if you if you're not making any fucking money i get living paycheck to paycheck but if you know you don't need that extra pair of sneakers you don't need another flat screen tv you don't even need a fucking tv there's ways you got to get out in front of it yeah if when you're young you got to start building up a fucking nest egg and you got to get on the internet read some books figure out how fucking evil the game is so you at least know how it's played so you can like take on as little water as you can and you can fucking stay afloat because because you know there's a lot of people want to do other things and that they just got a ball and chain around their fucking neck and it financially and they they just got themselves

in this thing so if you're in that situation just immediately start fucking dude i would have a yard sale and just start selling shit down size in my life and if i had to take two years off from fucking living the the american dream and just paying myself down and getting out of that fucking debt i would do it and i would start over again because that shit will fucking keep you up at night so i mean this guy talks like he's like you know he is going to money but but what i'm saying is like just be aware of the the idea of the money of it isn't why because you make it you got it you gotta make make making mid six figures and what he's doing 95 percent of the times you can't go backwards usually what probably what he does for living at once he hits 150

year the next step is 165 to 200 year that's not the formula in stand-up comedy you can make 150 two three years in a row and guess what by year four you're making 45 no but this is the great thing about stand-up comedy though or you can make two million no but what's what's great about stand-up comedy though is you're never unemployed true you're never unemployed you're never employed unless no but unless you you want to uh unless your ego gets in the way where like say you know you were selling selling out clubs you know so you're just coming in doing thursday through saturday i'm not doing the sunday show if it starts to taper off and they want you to do the sunday show and you refuse to do it you start doing that shit rather than being like i got to get it going again

then then you can get yourself in fucking trouble but like um you know i don't know how actors do it i don't know how musicians do it that shit's fucking hard being a stand-up comic once you start you know you've established yourself you've made a name for yourself if you never take your foot off the gas pedal and you just keep pushing yourself and you keep doing that like you you can have the closest thing to job security but even in his world dude like they could downsize they should fucking kick him out and then he then he's at that weird age so dude this is my advice don't quit your job but i would definitely just start doing it and there's nothing wrong if you always keep your job and you just do stand-up because you like doing it or you start a sketch

group with your friends and just have fun um and don't listen to any other comedians who are saying like you're taking my stage time it isn't their stage time all right it's an art it doesn't belong to anybody it it's supposed to make you happy and other people happy when you do it so that that's what i would do all right so good luck to you sir you're not a nervous cunt okay you're a fucking normal human being stop being hard on yourself so there you go there's the podcast for this week um like i mentioned uh me and jason lawhead we're going to be at the boulder theater and uh boulder i believe that's the name of it i can't even wait to say that word when i get there isn't that the great that's like a voiceover's dream is boulder that can go from like a beer commercial all the

way to like a murder mystery show like and then that quiet town of boulder it was murder or you could be like you know when we were the rockies of a cold water boulder you know like you ever watched you ever watched that shit when they'd sit there and uh i love those murder mystery shows yeah and they said that guy just goes you know just be like you know it was a quiet town that's my dream job the gazebo yeah that's my dream they had fourth of july but the underbelly i want to do that every day that's how you do but on that quiet night the town did a murder you know i thought that stopped dude this wasn't supposed to happen in this town a town where they keep the doors unlocked at night yeah you knew your neighbor people sat on porches drinking new tulip yeah boulder's the

perfect name for that's a voiceover dream boulder colorado september fourth pikes peak center colorado springs on the sixth look for me and jason where uh we're gonna be looking for a tailgate if you guys have any information if you guys if you throw it down and you do it right and you got some extra brisket or something uh and i'll be cheering for the broncos because all the years i cheered against them when they were playing the actual browns now they're playing the old browns who are in my division and i will i will definitely be cheering for the broncos because i've been so mean to paint manning over the years and now you get that thing where you're getting sentimental because he's in the final third and then you don't that's like dr j i didn't hate him as much

magic same with me with michael jeeter i hated jordan because he killed us and as he got older i'm like ah i'm gonna miss that guy yeah i'm gonna see that guy yeah so the paint never happened with lebron but i miss um dude if lebron they're talking about lebron you ain't coming back to you know going to the lakers oh i was a joke over dude if if he goes to the lakers and that championship is celebrated then you know what i want you know what you know what they should do they should literally have like the pregame for that should literally be like eighth graders playing first graders in tackle football and then doing long fucking interviews with the eighth graders when they won talking about coming together as a team and all that type of shit i'm telling you

dude like who go to the lakers when we're some stupid number like 49 or something you know what i mean like you know just like it'll be just the worst it's what sports is becoming and you know i saw some moron who was was trying to say that pylon teams are not a new thing it was so dumb he like he's trying to sit there saying like talking about like those laker teams in the 80s and the celtics like dude those teams were built built yeah through trades and drafts it wasn't like magic and james worthy sat on a yacht during the off season going hey man what'd be great if we all played in the same team fucking moron the guy this guy had the top 10 sports myths and he tried to say that that was his but pylon teams were sports myth it wasn't and go back and look at

the teams that didn't win it in those eras that were built the i watched the mba hardwood classics a couple weeks ago they had the 1985 all-star game on the milwaukee bucks had four guys on the eastern all-stars they won seven straight seven straight 50 win seasons all built through the draft and trades and this is what the guy was saying though his justification that they were pylon teams despite the fact nobody piled on was that in the in the 80s the lakers the celtics the sixes and the pistons were the only ones who won championships everybody else was without he goes so it was it was good for the league and that's a complete bullshit because what they didn't realize was that despite the fact that the bucks never came through they had sydney moncreef jack sycma

terry coming jack sycma paul pressey what jack sycma was on that was on the uh the sonic before but no he came to the bucks in the mid 80s onix he was in uh he was uh um he came to the bucks back then back then you had you had blockbuster trades like when moses malone went to the sixers there would be an occasion where kareem went to the lakers but there wasn't like what happened in boston we're just overnight we went from the worst team in the league to winning the championship and we fucking go we got kevin garnett for nothing from kevin mcayle that should have been investigated the same way the way the lakers got uh paul gasol and jerry jerry west was was with fucking uh was that who it was was with the fucking uh grizzlies grizzlies yeah

like both those trades were complete behind enemy lines bullshit and then we got rayon that's why i wasn't upset when when ray went to miami i was like well dude that's how we got him he wasn't ours he wasn't a Celtic he but i still look at him like he's one of the great the greats that played for the organization but it's it's a different thing where he was like you become like a mercenary like they just they're bringing you in a couple weeks ago lebron had that there was this big news that he's gonna add another hour to the podcast i'll end with this a couple weeks ago lebron had this big news where he tweeted out his top three players of all times some big publication tweeted at him like hey lebron you've never talked about that so everybody's like on the edge of their

sea what's his big three so he named and i'm not gonna be mad at the list in a in a way because it's hard it's so subjective three players really he said larry bird which i thought that was pretty cool birds the greatest small forward in the history of the game i don't know if i'd put him on the greatest three list uh he said uh michael jordan yeah that's great that's easy and dr j i love dr j that's great maybe that's he's not but how do you i tweet back to him i go really can't how do you leave kareem off the list i go to guy one six titles one of which in milwaukee to boot i go that's kind of like a guy winning one in cleveland oh wow that'd be like if somebody won one in cleveland is what i said i said he won one in milwaukee to boot how many have they won

since that'd be like somebody winning one in cleveland that's what i tweeted at him jesus very clever way of saying well thanks for leaving buddy exactly so i i like dr j because i love doc this is why because a big thing with me is changing the game yes and that's fine and i'm fine with that i'm not mad at his list i'm just saying how do you leave kareem off kareem change well what what we did well that's the thing they they outlawed it don't go back because of kareem if i only had three i would have to pick three guys who changed the game so it'd be jordan it would be dr j and then i would have to be somebody else that i i'm not aware of from the 60s like uh rossel i mean i mean you could oscar was at oscar romsen to score all the points yeah yeah oscar

was great i mean people don't realize how great bob pettit was i mean bob pettit was a i know that there's somebody from that era because that's that's one of those things with like stand-up where you had like like what lennie bruce did took it to first of all you had the vaudeville guys whoever the first guys to do that then you have a lennie bruce did then you had what prior did and what prior did i feel is like what jordan did was there's just some guys they the genius is at such a level that it's you can't you can't surpass it yeah it's they almost take it to the end i would say like james brown james brown the the music that he made there's been a zillion funk bands after him but nobody ever took it to another level change the game yeah never and i

still think jeb ar i don't know how you can leave jeb ar off any list he changed the game he changed it he he he won six titles magic never won one without it how now this oldest player ever to win how did he change the game he changed the game but well first off they outlawed dunking right but they did that with wil chamberlain in the nba too though no because of uh they well here's how he changed the game both ends of the floor he was rossel rossel couldn't do what jeb ar did on the offensive end you can say wil chamberlain yeah he was dominant but because they moved jeb ar away from the basket chamberlain couldn't do anything away from the basket jeb ar developed the sky hook from 20 feet out and he was he was rossel on both ends of the court

and rossel couldn't play offensively like jeb ar could it's not even close jeb ar the fact that he won oldest man ever to win a finals mvp award the guy won the nba he won the nba finals mvp at 38 i mean come on man in a young man i just like karen like seriously dude like what's what's the name of your podcast by the lawhead's court yeah if you want to listen to a guy who really knows sports as opposed to me being i got brady anderson calling in tomorrow former oriel brady anderson first guy first uh guy to hit 50 and so it should be an interesting uh uh conversation i met brady at the hollywood impromptu a few weeks ago got him in because great duty you remember you know dan godfrey from uh irvine impromptu dan big or else yeah so i'm i'm i'm ducking in there a couple

weeks ago because i hear a tells in town so i was over at the store so i duck in i wanted to see david tell set well the place is packed quick story there's a line and you know the door guy i know works at impromptu i'm just squeezing by going like i'm gonna go to the bar and try to peek my head in to see a tell and there's this girl like arguing with the door guy she's like but my friends are in there he's like i can't let you in it's it's full she's like my brother and i look over as i'm like squeaking by i look and she's with brady anderson i can pick out an athlete he right he ended his career as an indian and i met him in cleavan one time just down in the flats after a game he was a cool guy so what'd you do so i was like so she's arguing so i was just like

hey man how you doing he's like hey good i go hey man i'm a fan i'm from cleavan actually he's like oh cool man brady i'm like jason he's like he's like and then she goes she sees it she's like do you know anybody here i'm like well i'm a comic what i'm not working on that she's like can you help us get in i'm like i don't know and i just dan godfrey is now the like district manager somebody he's never so did you get him in i just gotta end the podcast too i'm like that i'm in got him in he gives me his phone number he's like anytime you want tickets thanks for getting me in dude he gives me his phone number he's like come to baltimore so when when can they hear him when can they hear him on the podcast they'll be hearing him this thursday the podcast will drop i'm interviewing

him tomorrow via phone it'll be this thursday brady anderson man all right on lawhead's court look for it jason live everybody gotta go check that pork shoulder rosebowl tailgate legend jay lawhead just tripped over a box there goes the legend part all right guys thanks for listening and have a happy labor day go fuck yourselves i'll talk to you next week so so so so

so so