Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-21-23

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

Bill rambles with comedian and Rose Bowl tailgate legend Joe Bartnick about growing up around a bar, Pittsburgh, and his new special ‘A Killing In Chicago’ available now for free at All Things Com...edy’s YouTube page. https://youtu.be/QpTQ5bI9Gqw?si=VmDv9_qZDalz08nI  

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Starting point is 00:00:32 It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon. Just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. Oh my god, look at, we're trying to fucking warm me up here. With the blue, with the blue. Anyway, we got a guest this week. It could have been like, bluer, you know what I mean? They kind of like, this isn't baby blue,
Starting point is 00:00:58 this is sort of like, is it gonna rain blue? My guest this week has a special that he did with ATC called a killing in Chicago that has been killing on social media. Clips going up getting a million and a half views. The man, the myth, the Rose Bowl, tailgate legend, the one and only Mr. Joe Bartnik. What's up, Bill? Yeah, we are here to promote, I'll tell you what's up, we're here to promote you special and you got a minor's cough or something, what's happened, Bill? Yeah, we are here to promote that. Say what's up? We're here to promote you special and you got a miners cough or something. What what's happened with you?
Starting point is 00:01:27 Yeah, I've been sick for a couple of weeks, but it's not COVID COVID. I can handle I've had COVID like three times. This is worse Oh, all right. Well, where what funny bone did you just come back from? Just what comedy condo That's what my wife is saying. I'm like no, I was in a nice hotel. I got sick at, well, I kind of went, I don't know, Steve Burn, the God damn comedy jam for the Lemieux benefit. So it was a lot of fun. I actually took it easy, I took it easy
Starting point is 00:01:56 until the plane ride home. You know how they simmered like 10,000 feet and everyone's ears go? I went deaf for like, oh, I still can't really hear out of this one side of a fit, my head. Okay. Yeah. But a lot there.
Starting point is 00:02:09 All right, so you were at the goddamn comedy jam in Pittsburgh. Guess how long I say? I heard, dirty deeds. Oh, okay. And I heard you killed it. I did well after my last debacle, trying to do the gambler at the all things comedy.
Starting point is 00:02:22 Oh no, if you can't really carry a tune, you need something up temple. I can't carry a tune in a suitcase. Yeah. Let alone the fact that everybody knows like the gambler, like the five lines, everybody knows. Yeah, you got. There's like a book, it's like a Bob Dylan song,
Starting point is 00:02:38 before and after all those words that I didn't know any of them. He called me the morning and you were still doing a show. I'm like, oh yeah, it was a, I was a debacle, you were there. Was I there for that one? Yeah know any of them. He called me the morning and you were still doing a show. I'm like, oh yeah, it was a debacle. You were there. Was I there for that one? Yeah, you were there. We did it like, we did it like,
Starting point is 00:02:51 coyote, ugly style, like on top of a bar. And like the Chicago black hocks were there heckling me. It was one of the worst. I wasn't there for that. Okay. No, I would have remembered that. The black hocks were helping. Well, then they used you still killed.
Starting point is 00:03:04 In your own way, right? Well, Dave Bowland and his guys, so they're good people. Yeah, but it was a disaster. I'm not gonna sugarcoat how awful it was. I didn't get it done. I have no one to blame myself. All I can do is, you know. You go up to the podium after a loss
Starting point is 00:03:23 and you take it like a man. No, I had to take that one like a man. It was terrible. You don't blame your teammates. No. You don't blame that a finger pointer. Yes. Finger pointers, that's a big, that's a big, uh,
Starting point is 00:03:33 Joey Beething. Finger pointers never win championships. They don't. You see a quarterback coming off the field, pointing fingers, never have a ring. It's the guys that, Tom Brady, he used to rip into guys. Did he point fingers running off the field though? I think he was more like this. He karate chopped.
Starting point is 00:03:51 That's less of a, it's kind of like a overall you, not you. It's not a cues toy. Yes, it could be the offensive line, it could be the ref, it could be Belicech, it could be himself. And the murderer is that man right there. You ran the wrong route. I don't know if he did that. He just sort of would like lean over
Starting point is 00:04:11 and would sort of like, yeah. I definitely see, I can see that. But anyway, I have to be honest with you. I am so proud of this special. To have my name on it. I just feel like it's this. Yes, starring in it as well. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:26 I do a little sketch in there. I just want to watch the clips. It's like, this could have came out today. This could have came out. It's like 20 years ago. It's like timeless material. And then with the mustache and the fucking... The Russian dictator fucking do you got going?
Starting point is 00:04:45 It just looks like somebody's like linebackers coach went up there and did stand up and I'm so thrilled the way it's performed. If you guys just want unfiltered, like what, you know, somebody just going up there saying what they're thinking, which I think is really something to protect at this point. Everybody's so fucking afraid that you know,
Starting point is 00:05:08 you're gonna say something. But I kind of feel like that's even over. I think everyone's like, all right, all right. Like what did we just do for like the last fucking five years? We let these fucking fascist nerds who acted like they were cool people, but they weren't. They just had their own fuck.
Starting point is 00:05:27 They ended up being just like the people they were trying to stop, but like they had, they look sort of warm and fuzzy about it. I lose you on that one. A little bit, but you know what? The thing is, is thank you for the comment, but also watching you've all these years,
Starting point is 00:05:43 you're the one and most fearless guys out there. So how can I sit next to you? It's like batting behind Dimasio. How can I beat you on Dex Circle and be like, huh, like a bitch. My shit jokes are pretty fearless, Joe. I get out there and I sling it. But seriously, you say,
Starting point is 00:05:56 right from the fucking ainus. You have no fear on what you say and I think that's the whole key of common. If you're scared, don't say it. No, because my whole thing is I'm not being malicious, I'm being silly. So if you want to take it seriously, but I mean, that's not my fucking fault
Starting point is 00:06:11 that you decided then to go that route and if you don't like it, there is literally 10,000 fucking standup specials that you could watch. 10,000 other ones. Did my arms disappear into the fucking... But that's me though, as far as, you know, I'm not malicious anything, I say, you know?
Starting point is 00:06:32 I know, but you know what I love the night when you did the thing, when you did the special, you still hadn't got your back surgery, right? No, that's why if you look close enough, you can see my dead leg. Yeah, so you were playing hurt. It was like deep into the fucking Stanley Cup run and you went out there like Messier
Starting point is 00:06:50 and I was getting sick because I couldn't go to the after party. I was all run down and I flew into Chicago me and Versi surprised you and you went out on the first one and I remember Bertolina was going like, dude, we got it. We got it, we like, Joe, we got it. You like, I just don't want to let you guys down.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Big fucking St. Bernard that you are. And then the second one, dude, you went out to this. Something about like, you're on the final one. I just love the pacing of it, the confidence. You're seasoned and all of that. And it's just such a, it reminded me of like the first time I saw you at the punchline When I remember just going like this fucking guy. Who is this guy this guy does not
Starting point is 00:07:35 Give a shit and it's like it's kind of what I hope for in every comedian Regardless of what style regardless of what their opinion is when I hope every time I see a comic is like just please Just say what you wanna say. And how I mean, but you know, obviously don't, I mean, I don't wanna listen to some person that's like, you know, being like, you know, actually going up there, being fucking stupid, but like just being silly and having a good time. I fucking love the special. I love the way it looks.
Starting point is 00:07:58 You guys gotta check it out. We've been doing all they knew, the new ones come out, you know, you put out a few clips, you get people excited. Sort of like a stand-up trailer, and then we should, I think we're going to have the whole thing up on our YouTube channel in August, and this guy's going to be headlining around the country. It's actually the middle of September. Middle of September.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Because we're going to even it out with my week at XM Radio. Beautiful. It's your idea, the summer of Bartnik. Summer of Bartnik. How much more can you do for me, Bill? You got my dad to the masters, you got me a comedy special. How much fun was that?
Starting point is 00:08:28 The masters was incredible. It was incredible. Dude, the first day I felt like I was at a big 10 football game. It was like so fucking cold and we're all dressed like we're gonna see golf. And then the next day, it was like, oh, it was like ungodly hot. Well, actually next day wasn't that, but it was actually a bit much better day.
Starting point is 00:08:44 But it's exactly what you look like on television. It's that beautiful. Yeah. It really is. That bridge, it's right there. I'm in, I'm in corner. Yeah. And all of that.
Starting point is 00:08:56 Yeah, we always seem to end up on, was it 15? It's got like the, most guys try to lay up right before it. There's a, and there's a par three right after it. I always forget if it's 15 or six. If that's 15 and six, I think that's 15 and 16. Because then it's, no, I think it's 14 and 15. Because then it's 16, 17, 18. I forget.
Starting point is 00:09:15 All I know, that was the numbers. Yeah, whatever. Whatever. But you know what I did. Before we went there, I watched Jack Nicholson, Jack Nicholson, they pick it up on, they told YouTube the full thing on his back nine on the final day when he picked up,
Starting point is 00:09:32 I mean, he's like down like four, five strokes and it was just, that's that one, he watched Jack Nicholson with the bottom. Yes, sir. Yeah, it was just, I watched that one. Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson, what did I say, Nicholson? I always do that. Jack Nicholson, I always do that.
Starting point is 00:09:45 Jack Nicholson, thank you. Here's Johnny coming up 18. Yeah. Doesn't over the top. Whenever you see me lining up a pot, whatever the fuck you think. He's, that's probably the most frightening he ever was. Oh, the shot, yeah, he's nuts. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Absolutely nuts. And then it was just something for film school. I'm like, how cool is your, I'm paying for this college or watching the shining for fun? This is great. And there's something about the, what's the woman who, and I just space? Shelly Duval. Shelly Duval is like, you feel for her
Starting point is 00:10:14 and she's also fucking annoying. Yeah, I mean, you don't want her dead, but you want her to like, to go away. Yeah, like just get in the hatchback and just let Jack go fucking crazy. Cause it just, you know what it is? I think when I watch it, I kind of, in her I see myself sometimes when I'm just fucking playing
Starting point is 00:10:31 the victim and being helpless. There's just something about it. Where she, you have a fucking bat. He's a writer. How tough can he be? Just fucking hit him in the head. Is that like he's a fucking plumber going nuts? He fucking writes shit.
Starting point is 00:10:45 Right. Sitting in a typewriter. Good Lord. He's got a carpal tunnel. He can't even swing his axe. How does he hold the, how does he hold the fucking handle? By the way, dude, tonight and tomorrow there's a double feature at the new Beverly cinema.
Starting point is 00:11:02 Clint Eastwood. Oh. Fist full of dollars and something else. It's not the good, the bad, and the ugly. This, this, some, I mean, that, I'm telling you, it's that fucking movie theater, that the films that they have coming up, they got three o'clock high.
Starting point is 00:11:17 Oh, whoa. You're playing at 3 p.m. because everything Tarantino does is fucking cool. And then he adds another layer of fucking cool to it. My favorite Clint, cheap western, though, is hang him high. That's a great one, don't we? It needs to get hang him in, do it right. Yeah, I can't do a Clint.
Starting point is 00:11:35 No, that's a good one. I mean Clint is just the best. He really is. He kills me. Do you know the one that I, Joe is a connoisseur of old television and me TV? No, I was a comedy a magic and I was the youngest comic except for maybe SUBA By like 25 years and even those guys don't watch me TV plus I could be 70 heroes and icons. He's got me tape and Kojak. I watched Kojak last night and it was so cool.
Starting point is 00:12:05 Like I put it on. I was like, ah, it's near gonna like this and she was just sort of like, you know She was kind of looking at her phone and she kind of just she goes, can we watch that intro again? She goes, that's kind of low key the shit and I can she watch it again She filmed that I think she put it on Instagram stories. So it was it was I know you've seen them all it's that two-parter We're the China town wars. Oh my God. They start kidnapped in the mountains. It's dogge. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:29 He's a force cough than me. He's gonna die. How bad is that makeup? It looks like me. He's laying in that bed like if it wasn't you. That it wasn't. Yeah. Everyone's just doing a bad Marlon Brando
Starting point is 00:12:42 for the next five years on television. Great call, I didn't even think of it. Yeah, like every mob boss after that, cause I've seen I watch every 70's detective show after that. But yeah, the one that's now, it's only on one so week, I actually as a gift one time gave you the complete series on me TV plus the Untouchables. Untouchables.
Starting point is 00:13:00 Sunday, 98. I still have to get an external hard drive, so I can watch it. But I've watched as far as the Untouchables, Sunday, 98. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead.
Starting point is 00:13:09 Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead.
Starting point is 00:13:17 Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead.
Starting point is 00:13:15 Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. Last night with the lead. They fired everybody except for Ephraim Zimbler's Jr. And it's one season and it's way darker. Where it was sort of a little kitschy and like, it was lighter, even though people would get shot and stuff like that. But what's cool about that series is Ephraim Zimbler's Jr. For what a reason, he was like a Ford Thunderbird guy.
Starting point is 00:13:42 And every year, they must have had a deal with Ford. Every year, he had the new Ford Thunderbird. And it was the first time that I saw, they had this option where the steering wheel got out of the way. They literally did it to show the option. He opened the door, he tits his butt and the steering wheel literally moves over to the side. And then his driver side chair spun around like that.
Starting point is 00:14:05 It was like the ultimate in lug. I think that was the beginning of Americans getting fatter like, let me get everything out of the, it was everything, but they, a mechanic coming up and taking the fucking hinges off the driver side door. But because of you, I've watched all these, all the Peter guns, I've watched a lot of the Peter gun ones and then I've watched, I'm starting to get into like the Co-Jacks.
Starting point is 00:14:27 The later seasons, but the early ones. Yeah, the first bunch, you know, they're all directed by Leo Penn. And he is Sean Penn's dad. No way. And that was, I mean. Just when I thought Sean Penn couldn't be cool enough. I know, because when he came over,
Starting point is 00:14:43 he bowed to me like great, great set the other night, a couple of months ago. Right. Yeah, you know, you're big on two, is like never talk to a famous person about what everyone, hey, oh, and I was gonna say, were you ever on the set of co-jack, like how sweet was it?
Starting point is 00:14:57 Did you ask him? No, because I, he was, he was walking fat. Oh, okay. Hey. I mean, that's probably something he, yeah, he never hears. You know my thing, I know how to hang. I don't wanna bother people.
Starting point is 00:15:06 So he's coming through, cause I was funny, cause I was actually going up to Josh. I go, hey, Josh, he's all a Barton, and he punches me like he does. And that's, and even though Sean was right behind him,
Starting point is 00:15:15 and that's why Sean just turned around and bowed, and he goes, great set tonight. Oh, he was like, whoa. And then Shay was like, whoa. Yeah, that was a big night. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:24 That was some random night. We did it uh... the nights of columbus there whatever the fuck you call it all right now it's the uh... american legion american legion always combine all those in my head uh... uh... they're all good for three dollar bills yeah john's rights yeah hope that i'm an honorary member over there yes me and arosa have our, our, our, McAils Navy hats. They want to have a fought in the war,
Starting point is 00:15:47 but we'll come down here and do a show for you. They wanted to induct me because you know, I'm my whole family's veteran, so I could get, I could get in by that way, you know, like, oh, you don't want to get in that way. Well, that's like how George W got into a Yale. We never think, but my thing is, I don't, I don't need a place. I don't need a place that we play cards every night
Starting point is 00:16:06 with $2 beers. Like, that's just a DIY. Like, I don't need that. Oh, that would be death for me. If I went back to that, like, I had a few really good nights of drinking there and smoking. You know, so now I just go there and I do shows for like the troops and stuff like that
Starting point is 00:16:25 But yeah, so that night that we were there. There was some heavy hitters. There's some big boys You know we hitters in the crowd. Yeah, we had a we had fun I'm actually the last official person to drink with you The Michigan Ohio State game That we watched at my house. Yes, we're trying to Kentucky. Oh, yeah, Joe Joe That's your claim to fame Like one of them you've seen like a number of people to rehab I yeah a few men and four women if it rock bottom because of me
Starting point is 00:16:56 And he just keeps going dude you were like I'm telling you I mean, I mean, I mean, I think that's why you watch all those old shows and I think the vibe of your, your stand-up special, everything about you is, it's like you were born in the wrong time or, or Pittsburgh just stayed in like this bubble, like a sci-fi movie, is everything else sort of progressed, whatever that means. There is a lot. There is a lot. It just means you just change an attitude toward it. I don't think it's, because every era just seems oppressive.
Starting point is 00:17:27 Well, there is a lot of Pittsburgh that isn't still in the bubble, but it's also a very progressive city and it's a lot of great things happening in Pittsburgh right now. Would you know? It's a great... I would live there in a minute if I wasn't in this business. I fucking love you. Me too. But growing up in Pittsburgh, you know, my grandfather used to own a bar
Starting point is 00:17:46 in a long time ago, then he was always in bars. I grew up in bars since I was a little kid. So that whole being around adults in that era, that to me is like, that's what life is. Being a adult. You know, so I've continued that into my adult life. And I had it being the other way. And I respect people, I'm good to people,
Starting point is 00:18:03 and just chill out, relax. Yes. I have a cocktail, I have a cigar. This is some good music. What else is there? You know it's funny. I'm picturing the bars that you were in. It is that brown door with the round window and then like the stain felt on the pool table, the fucking cigarette machine. Oh what I had. You know what I used to love about those places when you go to a real dive. Yeah. You know, back in the 80s when we was trying to like drink underage,
Starting point is 00:18:31 is when you would get there and they'd have Budwizer on tap and they, or they poured it to you and they like, it was really like an eight ounce glass. Sure. Or maybe it was like a 10 ounce glass, but it was something, wasn't quite a full beer and you'd just be throwing those fucking things back and they would always be like, you know, just a couple of regulars hanging there, you know, just with it.
Starting point is 00:18:52 Like one of the great stories I ever heard was this guy who, you know, he doesn't drink anymore, but like he basically lost everything to drink and he sold me goes, dude, you know what my favorite thing to do? My, because we were talking about day drinking, just wrote, I really missed the most is he goes, dude, I used to go out, I favorite thing to do. He goes, I'd wake up around 11 and he goes, I'd go out and I'd buy the paper. And then I'd go right to the bar and he would get his first drink and he goes, I would just sit there and I would read the paper, cover to cover, which is funny to me because he was this really informed,
Starting point is 00:19:26 raging alcoholic. And then he goes, he would drink till four, go home, pass out, and then go out again, and pass out again. And it was just doing that night after that's got what it died. But I mean, the beginning part they'll do. Well, that's why Miller High Life is my favorite beer
Starting point is 00:19:42 because it's the best beer to drink in the morning. It is. What is the average, like, when you start to get going? Oh. We've had a couple of good ones. Do you remember that time we went to that fucking... I didn't even let you answer the question. What do you start?
Starting point is 00:19:55 Oh, drinking out of... I don't drink every... I don't mind a couple of morning cocktails. I don't really drink... I certainly don't drink as much as I used to. No. We've all calmed down. Yeah, but there was like a couple of different levels.
Starting point is 00:20:08 My Pittsburgh level was crazy. And then my San Francisco level. I was like, look on the back of your face. Baseball cards. Almost as crazy. My L.A. level, because as much as I drink, I don't drink and drive. So when I'm on the road or I'm back home, I go nuts. But when I'm, I don't drink and drive.
Starting point is 00:20:24 So it's like, which absolutely sucks about Los Angeles. What's there to get a Uber for? Yeah, well, I live, you know, I live in the woods with my dogs and my kids and my, you know, so it's like, you know, it's too far. A hundred bucks, it's like, Uber's like, you know. Right, you can be putting that towards alcohol. Yeah, I can stay home.
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Starting point is 00:24:39 I was like, you make it martinis? She's like, yeah, I go, oh man, I miss those days. And she goes, what do I go? And she goes, one of these is dry and the other one's more like sweet. What should I get? I go, that all depends on you, a cocoa or a Pepsi person.
Starting point is 00:24:55 She goes, I'm coke, I go get the dry. And I was thinking, Bart Nick would love that. Well, dry is for the gin. And the sweet vermouth is for manattons Martina's are dry. Yeah, I just go for like the bite. I like a mark. I like I like I Did anyway, I still do was extra vermouth like plenty of vodka and whatever the fuck that you put in to make you feel you drink You know drinking booze was that just what as removed for me? Is that for a move? Well, I mean, you're supposed to put a few bitters in. Is that what, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:29 I don't, I, well, you know what it was over the years? The more I just, A little cherry juice, sometimes for Manhattan's. My main thing that I make at home on the weekends, where we have people come over at barbecue and stuff that have the dogs hang out, is I call them big apples. Set in Mark's Manhattan, I call them big apples. You know how I drink whiskey and pint glasses.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Big thing I like. Oh my God. Mostly booze, rye, or bourbon, you know, about an inch of sweet vermouth. That's it. People come over about one o'clock, drink four or five of them. Everyone's home by six. They're watching. Four or five of those in the last of the last.
Starting point is 00:26:08 And drinking 16. And I have some good neighbors. And then that's it. You know, no one's there too long. Everyone's wives happy. They're home by six. You know, everyone's back home. And no one's like, oh, you have a great afternoon.
Starting point is 00:26:23 There was something about the way people lived back then. I mean, everybody died in their 60s though it seemed. Like when I watch those shows, I get this morbid curiosity. I always look to see if everybody on this show dead, who lived the longest, I don't know why I do that. But like, everybody from back then, like, I mean, if you made 70, you were fucking ancient.
Starting point is 00:26:44 Yeah. Well, Bruce Gordon, Nitty in the Untouchables, he lived, so he was like 100 in Arizona. He lived to like 2001 or 2009, I forget right now. But I was like, oh my God, if I had known he was there, I would have driven out and made a pilgrimage and told him that you were the greatest gangster ever on television. And in movies, he's the Bruce Gordon. His lady is the mess. You're dead.
Starting point is 00:27:19 There we go. It's all right. You can be sick. You can be sick on the side. No, no, no, I'm no, I don't want to be sick. Do you have, you got any road dates or anything that you want to plug because I can't say enough, like the good time you're going to have if you go see this guy and your new hour is absolutely killer. I'm playing the Stanford Comedy Festival in the end of August. Oh, okay. So that should be cool.
Starting point is 00:27:44 Stanford Connecticut. Stanford Connecticut. So maybe should be cool. Stanford, Connecticut. Stanford, Connecticut. So maybe Vince McMahon Jr. will come down. There you go. Couple people from the Illuminati will come down and then check you out. Yeah, is that where the Illuminati is?
Starting point is 00:27:56 I don't know. Well, yeah, Connecticut's weird. Connecticut's either like you come from old money, I feel, or like you came from nothing. The weirdest part of Connecticut was when me and you in Tony V did those gigs, because I only knew Connecticut is in between Boston and New Yorker's Hartford and the 95. We were out in Blair Witch Country.
Starting point is 00:28:20 Yeah, those are front those farms out there. Yeah, with all the bricks, really. Yeah, now that's the Yeah, that was the pandemic. I remember that, and I was getting ready to do SNL, and I'm trying to work on my monologue to stand up in a fucking field. It was like Woodstock, remember the golf carts and stuff? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:37 It was freezing. It was great. But they were fun. We did a couple of those. We did two nights there, and then we did some tent in the middle of town. Oh, and there's no way that was COVID friendly. But it was so much fun.
Starting point is 00:28:48 When Tony Vee, God, I'll say you looked at me because you're gonna love this. And it literally was like, oh my God, it was like I did stand up for the first time. Yeah, no, I was fantastic. But also people were just so damn excited to find that. No, it was fun, fun, fun, fun, everything. And the whole reason why, and thank you for that gig
Starting point is 00:29:06 because you saw me almost die at the Veterans Association. We were dying to remember, you remember, you don't want to smoke any sticks. I'm like, I just can't breathe. I came off my heart attack. Remember, and you're like, you're in court, you're gonna the hospital. I'm like, nah, dude, I'm okay.
Starting point is 00:29:23 And you come in the next day, you have to come back, you can't breathe. Cause I'm like, nah, dude, I'm okay. And you come in next day, you have to come back using me, you can't breathe. Because it was all those fires. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, we were sitting in that tree for it out in the parking lot, right?
Starting point is 00:29:33 Yeah. Like, dude, you need to go to the doctor. I've had to worse than this people. And you, yeah, you just kept doing that. I'm fine, I'm fine, or whatever. And I was sick in the number one thing that I always read when people right before they die.
Starting point is 00:29:47 He was saying he just didn't feel right. I just don't feel right. But any fucking, I don't feel right, go to the hospital. Go to the fucking hospital. My wife didn't feel right the other night. Her side was killer, so we took her to the hospital. And I knew she was gonna die
Starting point is 00:30:04 because she was complaining about my driving the whole way there. Yeah. Or maybe that was her swan song. Yeah, I'm like, if you really had five minutes of you, when Karak went through a red light, you know. Yeah. I heard this doctor say one time, one of the things that he learned from somebody was people
Starting point is 00:30:21 know when they're dying. Really? So if, well, if they're like, I'm saying, not like if you're gonna drop dead, but I'm saying, like if you did a procedure on them, and they're going like, I'm telling you, I'm not fucking, like they know, they know, and you have to listen to that.
Starting point is 00:30:36 It was this amazing story that a buddy of mine told me with this doctor, it just stuck in his head, and he was out to dinner, he's like, I gotta go check on this patient, he went there, and he got there right before the person was gonna fucking, you know, there's all this fluid in the neck or some shit like that because he had done some procedure on him
Starting point is 00:30:51 and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all that type of shit. So, there's always the morbid stuff though. You always hear people like they wait for their cousin to come and see them or their dad. There's always people that hang on until it's like, oh, they wait for their kid to get married or until their wife comes home. Walter Payton.
Starting point is 00:31:05 Remember Walter Payton? Like he was just hanging in there because he felt like he needed to be there for his whole family. You know, he's being the father figure and everything and she said to him, listen, it's okay. Yes, that's what people... That's what people...
Starting point is 00:31:17 Oh my God. Said it was okay for him to let... What a thing for his wife to say to him. That's how tough he was. You think he buried him in his kangaroos? I know. He was the best dude. Running up those hills, sweetness.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Dude, that guy, like, he, like, it was so funny because he gained all those yards and it wasn't until they started showing like his career highlights, because I, you know, I always see the AFC games that like, how what a ferocious runner that guy was. I mean, he could totally fake you out or he could run you over if you weren't like because it was a few times he'd start to juk and they would think like always try to go and they
Starting point is 00:31:50 get the guy a little off balance and he would just put his head down and ram into and was just like, wow. Isn't it amazing how they're just like now running backs are just so like, yeah, whatever they have to, they're now they're trying to sufully to get more money because they're like, wait, we're just disposable. When they used to be the most important people on earth. Yeah, they're not trying to sufully to get more money because they're like, wait, we're disposable. When they used to be the most important people on Earth. Yeah, they could, they could kill the clock.
Starting point is 00:32:09 Like it kind of, I feel like Emmett Smith's record is probably gonna be like Joe Demaggio's hitting street because the, like the running backs are just not gonna get the attempts. I mean, like those guys back in the day, man, they ran them 250, 300 times a year in a 14 game schedule. 16 game schedule.
Starting point is 00:32:27 It's almost like they just tackled too hard nowadays. I know that sounds ridiculous, but you have Mean Joe Green in Lambert and, and, you know, Budkiss. But I just think in those days, they hit, and it's like they wrapped them up, they took them down, there's big hits. But now all these guys are just, you know, like,
Starting point is 00:32:46 6'3'2'50, they run a 4'3', they say. It's always running into like a Toyota Camry. Yeah, they know what I mean, it's like, and it's just like, they just, last three years and it's like, they can't move. Yeah, if you watch such an old NHL game, even from like the 80s, you're like, look how small these guys were,
Starting point is 00:33:00 look how slow this game is. Oh, I watched the Bobby Orr thing, those, Bobby Orr was like, he was like, someone hit like game is. Oh, I watched the Bobby Orr thing. The Bobby Orr, like he was like someone hit like control and A, at the same time, when it was fast and everybody, everyone else just looked so slow. Yeah, oh my God. And then like the like the hair systems that just weren't available back then.
Starting point is 00:33:17 So guys that have like the bald patch here. And like, is he playing in like a pickup league? That guy's an all star, you know? Well, it's like the old NHL guys, even like when I was a kid, when they were like 22, they were like coal miners, like they were 50. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Nowadays, you see these kids are like 25, you see their parents in the stands, they all look like they're so young and healthy and it used to just be like just old. Yeah, what is that? Am I just old or did I? Maybe that's what it is, but I just think people look amazing now.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Yeah. Like if they, if they try, if they make a fucking attempt, but like, like, I have this all the time out here in LA, I'll look at somebody and be like, Oh, is that his brother? Oh, brother, all that's his dad. Is that that kid's sister? Oh, that's his mom or is that the mom?
Starting point is 00:34:00 No, that's the daughter. Like they all look like fucking, I think it was that forever 21 store. Kels go on on there does it to you though because then you're stuck in an airport and say Texas and you're like Okay, these are the way people are supposed to look or No like the boardwalk in Atlantic City That's a rough one. I mean the let I mean I don't think you could have enough empathy for those poor people Just fucking I mean Jesus Christ dude, dude. Like, these are people, they were people waddling down that boardwalk where it's just thing.
Starting point is 00:34:29 And they know they're not having fun. They're fucking sitting there. I think they're happy as hell. They still got a big fucking slurping in front, though. You're right. Oh, happy as far as life. I was fat. You know how fat I used to be.
Starting point is 00:34:43 My sister goes, you walk in like a fat person. Like, I sway fat. You know how fat I used to be. My sister goes, you walk in like a fat person. I swayed. Okay, no I was happy eating like a fat fuck. Don't get me wrong. You look like a 70. You have to be carrying that weight around man. That gets old fast. That's what I mean.
Starting point is 00:34:58 Okay, well they go. You're happy when you're eating. You're not happy when you're trying to get off the couch. You're happy when you're eating, smack your lips. No, I remember it, dude. It used to take you three attempts. When you had, when you had your long mullet, right? And you do it.
Starting point is 00:35:15 You look like, I don't even know what. And back my other house. I was like, fat, I was like, pub fiction, trivoted, let itself go. You would be like, we be on my back porch, smoking cigars, like, hey, bye, now let's go get some more fucking beers or something. You would be like, we be on my back porch smoking cigar and you're like, hey, bye, let's go get some more fucking beers or something. You'd be like, all right, you go.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Yeah. And you get up and then me and the other guys, we would just sort of like laugh and, because there's a clip from you back then at the laugh factory when you got like a penguin's jersey and you look like a fucking like third base coach in the 1970s. Yeah. Like you gotta come out and fucking bump the umpire
Starting point is 00:35:46 with you belly, but uh. I know. Well, you know, it sucks being healthy. No one likes to eat right. I know. It's like the worst. No, you know what it is? It's it's coming off eating bad. Because once you start eating right, then you actually crave it. And then you start looking at the shit you were eating.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Like, why the fuck was I doing that? So they actually do crave salads now. Like, if I haven't had one for a day or two, I'm gonna lose a million fans, those ones. But I actually do, like, your body needs a little bit of, like, I need a salad. A little roughish. Yeah, a little roughish.
Starting point is 00:36:15 Keep the train running. Yeah, a little Mussolini. You know. This train's leaving at three, period. Yeah, that's right. This train wants to leave on time. And the number new way they make it, Muss's right. This train wants to leave on time. And the new way they made the trains run on time.
Starting point is 00:36:28 The people made it like it was a bad thing. You ever wait for the train? You want the train to come on time? Well, that is the thing about dictators, and I think that's why there's a lot of people like, I love getting like a Russian cab driver and shit. Like they are so like, like they love Trump going, I like him, he's got balls.
Starting point is 00:36:43 He says what he wants and everything. It's just like, no dude, you just grew up under these, but they're not used to like all of these people chiming in. Look, who's getting new? Neither style works, but it's all whatever you're used to. But like a dictator can get shit done. Right. You can just get shit done
Starting point is 00:37:01 because no one could say no to him. So there is a speed at which that a dictator can work with work at that someone in a democracy just can't um... but democracy then you got a hope that you have like a like a uh... like i thought corporate chef had a good heart democracy's work when there's like a tiny guy smoking cigars in the back room that kind of tell people what to do. That's what the democracies were. The old days, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, things got done
Starting point is 00:37:28 because it's like, hey, you're gonna do this. And that's it. Yeah, but you know what I mean? It's like, or Irish mob, whatever. There we go. I wouldn't glorify the mob. I would say, what happened was, what the mob was doing, which was so fucking horrible for so many people
Starting point is 00:37:44 that they were intimidating and distorting and all of that. Yeah, the black kids, no good. That the corporations just took all of their scams and legalized it. Right. I mean, think of ice crime as politics, though. It's corporations. And the corporation is the dawn. And like politicians aren't even the captains.
Starting point is 00:38:04 I feel like they're't even the captains. I feel like they're the soldiers at this point. Well, yeah. Like in like the hierarchy, you know what I mean? Like their job is like, you know, you know, like how like, you could always arrest, like I was watching this thing on Netflix saying the thing was because they all kept their mouth shut.
Starting point is 00:38:18 Like the dawn was so removed from the crime that all they would ever be doing was arresting soldiers. Right. And then soldiers would go to jail and they would keep them out shut and then they would get replaced so they could never get them. So because they couldn't get them, that's when they started wiretapping them. They did. That's when they did the RICO.
Starting point is 00:38:34 RICO loss. I didn't know that man was fascinating. Yeah. That's how they got the RICO loss in fact. But what I mean is like, you know, what's the thing that they always corruption and all the stuff and, you know, like, well, that's how things get used to get done. Yeah, if you want something done, you pay someone, he builds the road, you know, that's how bids get made. Now, it's like, oh my god, this text guy took, this plot that you took money from him, this guy took money from him, this guy took money, yeah, and things used to get done. No, nothing gets done. I mean, they haven't got a train. You know, my whole lifetime, there hasn't been a train from SF to LA.
Starting point is 00:39:05 It's like, that's ridiculous. Oh, like a high speed train. Yeah, like, you know, where's when we were kids, things got built. Now, I think of this person, this person, that person, it's like, oh my God, you might run over some bird, it has to live, you know, it's like. I feel like the president's like the soldiers were,
Starting point is 00:39:22 and they, instead of getting arrested, they get voted out of office or whatever they get blamed for everything and then like the don's which are the corporations that pay for pay them like nobody like the genius of them is like nobody knows who they are like you don't know like I don't know the name of the guy that runs coke I don't know the game that guy the person that runs target or anything like that and these fucking guys at the end of every year, they just write themselves like, I think I deserve a $40 million bonus.
Starting point is 00:39:50 And like, all the favor, I, because we're all doing it. So it's like, it's legalized like stealing. They don't even invest. That's in less, in less, in less of everything. But now you're going to see this. That's the skim, that's the same thing that we're doing with the casinos. That's the skim. They call it a bonus. They's the scheme, that's the same thing that we're doing with the casinos, that's the scheme.
Starting point is 00:40:05 They call it a bonus. They had the numbers, they're calling it the fucking lottery. It's all the same shit. You show CVS now. Half the things aren't even there. It's like, where's it at? Because that makes over. No, you know what it is, is everybody is ordering,
Starting point is 00:40:20 like these young kids now, they need toothpaste. It's like, I'm not gonna go to a fucking store. They're just like, I'm just gonna order all my toiletries. It's gonna come in one box. Like they're all gonna go away. Like I, I mean, I don't know what it's gonna be. Like, but this is my thing. Why do regular people gonna do though?
Starting point is 00:40:37 Everything's built up for like, you know. We're not, we're old people. We're not regular people. Regular people are young people and they're gonna be fine because they grew up in it. Lower middle class people. I mean like 90% of this country. we're not regular people. Regular people are young people, and they're gonna be fine because they grew up in it. Lower middle class people. I mean, like 90% of this country. They're gonna be nowhere.
Starting point is 00:40:49 They're gonna be, they're gonna be in poverty. Exactly. That's what they want. And that's what everybody who's ever criticized capitalism says that that's the way it's gonna go. But like the genius of this, the same way, like you can't criticize an illegal war that bankrupts the country. That means you don't criticize an illegal war that bankrupts the country,
Starting point is 00:41:06 that means you don't support the troops. You can't, they just, all that means you don't support troops, you get the fuck outta here. If you criticize capitalism and say some things need to be fixed, then immediately you're socialist, you're a communist, oh, oh, oh.
Starting point is 00:41:18 So it's this runaway fucking train that is, yeah, it's gonna hit the fucking wall at some point. Yeah, I just that's why I don't understand the end game. They want no one to work, you know, like you know you get put a gun to your head. It's so sealed. To your own groceries. It's like everything there's no one working. I mean, what do they want people to do? I don't understand what they want people to do. No, it's designed to fill and it's God's fault. Because he makes all of these fucking work. We're getting this is like I feel like we're in a dorm room smoking we to 3 a.m No, it's like the deepest conversation we've ever had no, but no, we talk about we talk about the battle of the balls
Starting point is 00:41:53 You're a big history book the battle of the bold Anyway to get it like back on track. I mean, I can be honest with you because I, that's why I don't, I don't watch the news and stuff because I never watch it. I find it so fucking horrifically depressing and the more I watch these shows, these fucking talking heads who know what's going on way more than even I can figure out. And then just sitting there
Starting point is 00:42:25 taking the fucking money. And like my parents watching you, like I remember my kid was like eight or nine. She went, in my parents, we went to my parents house, and they were watching the news. My daughter looked like she was like, what is this?
Starting point is 00:42:37 I'm like, yeah, we never, I never watched the news. I mean, they had any child networks on the news I know. There's no, they're not offering any solutions. They're just scaring the fuck out of you. I saw a thing the other day going, can anything save California?
Starting point is 00:42:50 And I'm just sitting there going like, I watched... Otori can't. I, dude, I watched Russia collapse. They were fine, they didn't go anywhere. I watched Grease go bankrupt. This is just a fucking state. It's gonna be fine.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Yeah. It's gonna be fine. Why are you doing that to people? Like, why do I need to see that on my Twitter feed? I'm just going there, like, I'm trying, I accept this. Twitter's trying to give you a crazy too, because now there's a thing that isn't you.
Starting point is 00:43:16 It's like, for you, you receive that, they switch it on you. It's not who you follow, it's other stuff. I, everyone, so I, I tweet about sports and I make fun of myself. That's it. And then I just leave. And I don't read the fucking comments. Oh, that's death.
Starting point is 00:43:31 Yeah. And in the comments, no, but now if you check it, I always check out the hockey news. And now there'll be a thing called for you. And there all you see is like train wrecks and just crazy stuff. No, I like Instagram.
Starting point is 00:43:44 Instagram, I look at old cars, people doing crazy shit on bikes and surf and stuff like that, drum videos and then stretching videos. I'm on this thing. Which now has led to like because I looked at stretching. Cockroach doing yoga? By never click on those, because if you click on one of those fucking things, they'll make you look like a perv like that's all your Interim unfortunately I'm in that yeah, you think I haven't been there every chick with a fat ass and everything so I was like I can't
Starting point is 00:44:11 Away from this so No, it went the other way because his area's not clicking on fat asses anymore So now it's all dudes in their twenties with like kettlebells and every exercise I see the fucking doing this Or like going like this, and I just look at it going like, ow, ow, ow, ow, my fuck, my shoulder start hurting watching it, so. I have anxiety, I'm really scared of heights.
Starting point is 00:44:33 Like I can't even know that fame was posted with the Italian guys on the ledge in New York. Oh yeah. Sam which is, used to be one of my pizza shop grown. I couldn't even walk, I couldn't even walk right my eyes, I had to shut my eyes. Hey, there was no OSHA back then. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:44:49 Excuse me, but now I have a perversion to what's like the kids on hover, like all the Russian kids at skateboard off the skyscrapers are right near them. So I'll look for a second. It's like doing a bumper, like looking at the view. No, I can't watch it. So it's videos, what can you see?
Starting point is 00:45:03 What's people just start climbing up those towers? Yeah, hang up. I sit there like my palm starts sweating, which is fucking nuts to me. It's just like, I know this guy lives. Here's the video. I know. Do you really know for sure he lives?
Starting point is 00:45:14 Well, he's sort of filming it himself when the phone break. I don't know, but I always look for like a second turn away looking at the second turn away. They just freak, they're the mountain climbing ones. There is one where this Asian dude and this woman are on top of this. I mean, it's like the Empire State Building hanging on to each other. I'm like, for what?
Starting point is 00:45:32 It's like Tom Cruise level craziness, you know, just like at least he's a movie star. Like these people are in killings. At least Tom's doing it so he can keep making $100 million per movie. Did you see the new one yet? What's the new one? The mission impossible. Yeah. I haven't seen anything one yet? What's the new one? The mission impossible. Yeah. I haven't seen anything.
Starting point is 00:45:46 You know what's funny? My wife went to go see Barbie and I was like, I thought we were gonna go see it together. She goes, now you're too misogynistic for it. And I was just like, I was pissed for like, fucking, about three minutes. And then, and then I was just like, you're right, you're right.
Starting point is 00:46:01 She saved you, that's fantastic. Well, I like it. I love ryan gossing it's i heard he's he sings a song the fucking slash in uh... wolf gang van hailing wrote oh i know i honestly i don't even know who we i i i heard his name before i would i don't know he is he's not a talent he's on a code jack it was he you never saw the other guys the other guys you mean the one with Farrell?
Starting point is 00:46:27 Russell Crowe. Oh yeah. No, the nice guys. Nice guys. We talked about that with me. Yeah, that's right. Gaussling. That high-pitched scream he does when he fucking gives him the spiral fracture was fucking
Starting point is 00:46:36 hilarious. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I would wreck it. That's a great movie. Yeah. Dude, both of them. That is. That's one of the all kinds of stuff.
Starting point is 00:46:44 High level. High level comedic guys. Yes. Great movie. Great movie. Yeah. Dude, both of them. That is that is that is one of the all time level high level comedic. Yes. Great movie. Great movie. Neither one being funny, trying to be funny. I mean, just playing the character fucking hilarious. The whole I miss Russell Crowell movie. Yeah, what happened to him? He just has enough money to retire. I don't know. He put on a lot of way well To have him play fucking Charlie Brown or something. It's Charlie Brown fat Fred Flintstone, but yeah, but you know that it's happening though But then what's his name John Goodman lost a bunch of weight Billy Gardell lost a bunch of weight Uh-huh, so he can take those guys roles I think you just figured it out
Starting point is 00:47:23 I you know he's really good friend to Jim Jeffries. I guess he has a big compound in the old striat, he's having a good time. Good fan. Yeah, exactly. The other he has is money, I mean. Yeah, I mean, I know how great of a movie is gladiator. It's one of the greatest movies ever.
Starting point is 00:47:37 Yeah, gladiator, the informant. And it's a nice guy. Oh, the informant, he's fucking unreal. He's fucking unbelievable. He really is a great actor yeah I would yeah I would go with that that's the kind of thing too like I'm trying to like you know because kids aren't going to movies now like why the fuck would you with a flat screen surround sound a million movies at home it makes sense why they don't go but like
Starting point is 00:48:00 I'm trying to figure out that's why when the the sad book Bozeman was Resta Solz, I was like, this fucking guy is unbelievable actor. And then of course he ends up passing away. So I'm trying to think like as far as kids, like where the next ones are gonna be, because it was always great when like the next Sean Penn guy came out, he was like, oh my god, who's in there? Well, they don't make movies.
Starting point is 00:48:20 That's why like, when you watch, like, watching the old Untouchables last night, and they had the chick from Bewitched, she was acting. People like Champagne had to be in movies where people acted. Now it's like you're just a superhero. You're not acting. Yeah, those things. I'm not saying, hey, I don't know anything about acting.
Starting point is 00:48:39 No, I know what you mean. It's not like you have to do all these emotions. It's like screen screen. Yeah, you're just like, you know, you have to get to these emotions. It's a green screen. Yeah, you're just like, you know, you have to pick different. Can't miss back and buy day to be Aquaman. Yeah. Well, unfortunately, we are out of time.
Starting point is 00:48:56 Joe, I love you and I do. I love you too. Thank you for everything. This special that he made, this is your masterpiece, dude. This is the best work to date. And your new hour is even better. Go see him and stamp for Connecticut at the end of August. And imagine.
Starting point is 00:49:09 Yeah, I got a bunch of shows coming up. I don't have the count. You don't have the count. It's a classic. The funniest fucking guys are the worst to promoting themselves. Jesus Christ, Joe, we're gonna get the dates up. I'll make sure that the list puts those up there.
Starting point is 00:49:21 Joe Bartonick, it's called The Killing in Chicago. We got clips, the All Things Comedy website and our Instagram account and we'll have the full special out mid September. Joe Bartonick, thank you for watching. Have a great weekend. You're cards. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday. September 21st, 2015, what's going on? How are you? How you doing? Just yelled at like, you know, like your mom would yell down the street, Jeffrey. Come to fucking dinner Remember that shit when you could play outside
Starting point is 00:50:14 You know without adult supervision because people weren't afraid that there was a fucking Pat a file behind every goddamn tree. Remember that shit Your mom would come out. We had like a dinner bell and you and your 12 brothers and sisters would come running up the fucking driveway like cattle. You don't remember that shit? You guys all just fucking, you just, the day started, the day fucking started, right? Your mother would just open the door like get the fuck out of here. Get out, that was like parenting back then. During summer vacation, they just opened the door and they let you outside. They did the same thing with their dogs.
Starting point is 00:50:48 There was no leash law or anything. You just had like neighborhood dogs. They just fucking walked around. And that's the same thing they did with kids. They just opened the door, get out. Go outside and play, come back at lunch. Right? You have to lunch.
Starting point is 00:51:04 You go back out again. You know, and then to be all right, come back at lunch right? You have to lunch. You go back out again. You know, and then to be all right, come back out, come back when the street lights come on, come back, you know what gets dark or whatever. Watch your little brother. Now, it was it. I think parenting was a lot easier back in the day because you were allowed to just send your kids outside. It's having them standing in the backyard like those fucking llamas. You ever see that shit you drive down the street and you see a fucking llamada? There's so many goddamn llamas in this country. I don't understand it. They're not deadgeness to this country. I don't know what how people are making money off of them. You know, you don't ever see that shit in the grocery store, do you?
Starting point is 00:51:47 You know, lambs, lamas, steaks, lamas, shanks, something to that fucking guy in with the shrimp boat and that fucking movie with Tom Hanks when he had this George Stalin haircut. Joseph Stalin Tom Hanks when he had this George Stalin haircut. Joseph, Joseph Stalin. For his gum. I don't know, what the fuck am I talking about? Yeah, you can just fucking send your kids outside. All right, all right, get outside. You fell them up with sugary cereal
Starting point is 00:52:16 and you just sent them outside. And then you went outside, you ran around and you just ran into other kids. And then somebody had a book of matches and then you just lit the woods on fire. Basically, I mean, I'm fast forwarding through most of my childhood experiences, but that's basically what you did. They just fucking let you out. That seems pretty cool to me. If you were a stay-at-home mother, right? You got four fucking kids. You're going out of your mind. You're going out of your mind, right?
Starting point is 00:52:49 You guys have been going to work every day. What's he do? He's a milkman. He's a postman. He's something that has a man at the end of it, right? Cause jobs were for fucking men back then, right? They had it figured out. Hey, sugar t tits you stay
Starting point is 00:53:08 You stay home with the kids hey Don't you back talk me I have a penis you you you shut your face quit your crying Quit your crying in front of the kids you fucking stay home All right, what are you crying about? Did I buy you an oversized jar of fluff another in the cabinet? What do you got to do? Huh? You got to grab some fucking white bread out of a bag. You got to take off the twisty tie. That's a big party. A fucking day, a bitch in a bunch. I got to deliver milk to everybody. It's in fucking glass bottles. Do you have a much pressure that is? Right? He just fucking
Starting point is 00:53:57 leaves her at home. He goes off to work. He's a fucking milkman or a postman and somehow he can afford a house. These bankers were actually semi-regulated back then. The upper 1% the fucking lunatics up there that fuck each other at these parties wearing owl masks and whatnot. Someone horns on it. Right? Walking around wearing sheets These fucking guys the middle class you could actually you could you could have a stay-at-home mother stay-at-home wife So you went off to work and you're fucking trucking your silly little uniform looking like a character actor on Alice Right and then she fucking stayed home. What is she do? Everybody gets up. She's like Jesus Christ. Right Christ, right? She takes out a pack of fucking palm miles, some cools, maybe some marbles, whatever the fuck she's
Starting point is 00:54:50 some Winston's the fuck did what the fuck did women smoke back then? You know, it's so funny. There's so many comics out there that do jokes about what black people smoke palm miles and cools and all that that I don't even know what white people with marboros, Winston, Salem lights. Is that what it was? My parents never smoked. I don't fucking know. So, whatever you take out a cigarette, right?
Starting point is 00:55:15 So, you got your bathrobe on, you get your fucking weight all on one leg with your hand on the same hip, right? Stirring yourself up a cup of Joe. All your maniac kids come down the stairs, or up the stairs, and maybe halfway up the stairs if you're living, and then they're on a landing at the front door, if you lived in a split entry. I don't fucking know.
Starting point is 00:55:33 I never stood the split entry. You know what I mean? The split entry is the house version of, you ever see those people that have like really long torsos They have the torso of a six foot four person, but the legs of a jockey You know what I mean that blue collar body. I always tease rich Voss. He's got that body long ass fucking torso in these little doll legs Right just that blue collar body. You just built for picking up boxes You don't even have to bend over you just fucking your arms almost dragging on the fucking ground. Well, the split entry, that's the house version of that body.
Starting point is 00:56:10 So anyway, she makes you fucking fluff another sandwich. Not that, that's the lunch. I'm sorry. She fucking pulls out. What do you guys want? You want Frank and Barry, Choco Barry? No, Count Chocula, Frank and Barry, or Boo Barry. Whatever the fuck you had it turned the milk the color of the goddamn cereal you ate that shit she let you
Starting point is 00:56:30 watch a couple of cartoons she finishes off for fucking cigarette stops it out and that fucking ass tray and then that's it all right go outside and play go outside and play what the fuck did she do out there? Kids are outside. Run around, meet another kid's playing with matches. Right? Stealing playboys. Simple shit. There's no cell phones, there's no iPads, there's no fucking overhead.
Starting point is 00:57:00 What did you have to buy your kid for toys back then? There was nothing Tonka truck where that set you back Tonka truck in a book of matches. I mean you were set for the fucking summer So anyway, I don't want to fuck up talking to even get on this thing Oh, cuz I screamed the podcast like a mother yelling that's right down the fucking street You know now a days you got to sit there and you got to watch these little fuckers 24-7 Make sure they don't bump into anything. They all have cell phones, you know what I mean like they're working on Wall Street
Starting point is 00:57:44 You know, I don't fucking know who knows they'll probably stop microchipping them. You know, somebody sent me an article about this healthcare provider somewhere over in Europe that was giving out this band that had a microchip in it and it tracked everybody that was in, they were testing it out to track people that were insured by this healthcare provider and it basically tracked your activity throughout the day You know, and if you were just sitting around like a lump of shit. They were like all right this fucker's gonna have a heart attack we're raising his rates
Starting point is 00:58:15 And it's totally that George Orwell Is it Orwell? Or do you make the popcorn? Now that was Orwell Red and Bokker. I don't fucking know. That Orwellian, I'm gonna use that hacky thing. Slipery slope into the Orwellian, something or other, right? And they were saying that they tried this fucking, basically microchipping people out, microchipping people out, tested,
Starting point is 00:58:43 trying the microchipping people, right? trying them microchipping people right and that they said they had an overwhelmingly positive response to it. Well of course you did of course you did because most normal people would be like you want to do what? Go fuck yourself. That's creepy. I don't want you to do it and then guess what? They're not in the study. Then what do you do you find some fucking jerk offs? That don't have two nickels to rub together and you say listen We'll get you a fucking ham sandwich with some cheese on it and what you would have a kind of chip You want with it if you wear this fucking bracelet like all you do is wear the brats all you got to do they have stupid
Starting point is 00:59:22 And then the end they get a sandwich out of it. Of course, they're going to say they enjoyed it. This is the thing about getting microchipped in the future. It's inevitable that it's going to happen because as much as people are going to fight it, as many people that fight it and don't want it there, you cannot, you cannot overcome the sea of mouth breath and fucking buffalo, wild wing, fucking morons that are out there. There's way too many of them and they will walk towards the light every fucking time.
Starting point is 00:59:55 All they got to do is flip on the switch, whatever direction they want, they're heard to go in and they just start walking towards it. They just start walking towards it. They don't give a fuck. And this is the greatest thing about all of it. If you're one of the people running shit, right, is the mouth breath and morons opinion is held with the same level of importance as somebody who's actually intelligent or informed. You know what I mean? The guy who sits there going, dude, why do I give them fuck if they know whether or not I had a slurping or not, I hate doing nothing.
Starting point is 01:00:40 That's just as much fucking right and just as much say as someone who's fucking informed. You know, that's when they take the constitution seriously and that everybody has rights. That's when the upper one percent listen to it and they go, hey, hey, wait a minute. Don't be an elitist, right? But then when it comes to the other shit, when it's advantageous on the other rent then then all of a sudden No, no, no where You know you don't have as much say as I do, right? You know, it's on a plane, right? I'm in Austin, Texas right now getting ready to do two wonderful shows here in this
Starting point is 01:01:17 this bat-infested town They Somebody had left in the pocket in the seat in front of me, right? See, whatever the seat pocket in front of me, this book on a magazine that was just dedicated to yachting. And I got to tell you, it was one of the most fascinating fucking magazines I've ever read in my life. I don't know shit about to see. I don't know shit about boats, but just looking at this magazine, knowing
Starting point is 01:01:52 that there's like people that read that magazine getting to be like, yeah, you know what? I'm going to buy that yacht. So in the yacht world, what I learned, learned okay and this is someone who doesn't know the difference between port and stabbered I'm gonna guess port is right hand no left left is port right is starboard because you read left to right but they always make right above left in a religious way right right? And he sat on the right hand of the father. To go either way. Plows up front, sturns in the back, port and starboard. I have a fucking though.
Starting point is 01:02:35 I think ports left. Sounds really quick. Port. Left. Devil, right? Fuck you. You don't count starboard. Oh, that's what we all are
Starting point is 01:02:50 Anyways, my plow I had hit the whole fucking thing was about the size of you god damn boat Who's got the biggest fucking boat and how big can these boats get so right now the biggest one out there I've already forget the name of it and that's another thing too the names of the boat or justice entertaining is trying to understand how somebody has three hundred million dollars for a fucking boat and doesn't immediately get audited it's a fucking boat that is just an absolute money pit the second you buy that fucking thing there's nothing you can do with that boat to me I guess you could rent it out you you know, to Jay-Z and Beyonce. God knows, they're always out on a fucking boat, right? Dressed in all white linens. How could you make fucking money off of that?
Starting point is 01:03:34 This thing was like, the biggest one they had was almost 600 fucking feet. And what I learned is that basically a yacht cost a million a meter. Now we're going from standard to metric and I've just completely fucked myself here. But as far as I know, that fucking boat, basically it costs like what sign fell made when the entire series went into syndication. All of that money, half a billion dollars for a fucking
Starting point is 01:04:08 boat. And then you got to have like a hundred people just to run it. That's the funniest shit. So even when you're on it, like, honey, let's just take the boat out just you and us. You know, let's reconnect just you and us, you and us and a hundred other fucking people, right? It's like you're doing an episode of the love boat, but nobody else showed up except for the fucking the whole crew. It's got to be weird. No one there all listen until you fucking, right? Some guy, you know, 200 fucking yards away, wherever the fuck he is with a big dumb tall hat, making you a sandwich. He's got all this extra food. It's just for you and your wife.
Starting point is 01:04:54 Anyways, I was reading that. I was just like, how the fuck could anybody legally make enough money? And I was trying to think of the ways well you could start Facebook Even then that dude from Facebook. What is he worth? Let's say he's worth three billion dollars. Are you gonna blow half a billion on a boat? That's still a sizeable chunk of your fucking fortune You know, it was the coolest part of the magazine was on the front like you know It was somebody's personal magazine obviously and there was where like the address was supposed to be It was was taken away was torn off
Starting point is 01:05:38 And I was like well, I was wondering like where they lived you know 666 illuminati court, Connecticut, some place in Connecticut, I always feel like the illuminati lives in Connecticut, right? And then they like helicopter into Manhattan. Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, no, it doesn't even make any noise. They got some stealth helicopters. I'm really going off the fucking rails here, aren't I? So you got to be asking yourself, well, well, you know, you're sitting here crying poor house
Starting point is 01:06:07 Why the fuck are you sitting in a section of the plane that has yachting magazines left behind? You know why? Because I did 23 years on the fucking road and I got miles, baby! I got status! I got status. Fuck you. I flew in the back of the plane for 20 fucking years with you goddamn animals. Okay, and I got the fucked up left knee to prove it. I'm never sitting back there again with you animals. I swear to God. I'm never doing it again. You know why? Because I think I'm too good for you. Anyways, let's get to the, let's do some reads here. Now I got a fucking type in my goddamn password. What the fuck?
Starting point is 01:06:52 I hate how you got to have some capitals in there too. You know? Because then what? And then it takes for fucking ever and ever and ever. And then you take, how the fuck is that? Every time I go to type in my password, it's fucking wrong. Nope. And I left it on the capitals. This is how long it takes me to type them. I'm still trying to do it And now I'm sitting and see this how fucking dumb I am and I sit at the front of the plane now
Starting point is 01:07:17 That should give you hope Did I do it right? No, wait a second. All right, capital. No, capital. There we go. No capital. Come on, Bill. Come on, Bill. Come on. Give me a winner. Give me a winner and hit it. Yeah. All right, let's do some advertising here. Sorry about that. All right, that was sort of painless when you think, it closes. No, I don't want to save that. I don't want to save that at all. Alright, so let's get back to the podcast here. Let's talk football. Bo-bo-bo-do-bo-do-bo-do-bo-do-bo-do-bo-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-doh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, buh-duh, Afterwards we went to the after party we were in a fucking sports and And we wasn't we were on the island of Nantucket and
Starting point is 01:08:37 I got to watch from the third quarter on I got to watch Mississippi all miss beat The dream is tonight I got to watch them beat them and I don't know why it is so much fucking fun to watch Alabama lose. Like I've said, I don't hate them. I actually like Nick Sabin, but there's something about him. You know what I mean? It's just like how everybody hates the Patriots. I get it. I get it. We've won too much. We're fucking annoying. You know? I actually met somebody that was, you know, we were talking about all that that Patriots cheating shit and he brought up some other fucking great ones. Evidently, there's pictures of Jerry Jones, the owner of the fucking Dallas Cowboys. Getting
Starting point is 01:09:14 off a party bucks hammered with like the head guy of all officiating in the NFL. And I just laughed thinking if there was a picture of Robert Kraft doing that how long that fucking story would last That and that time the Cowboys got caught with for collusion with the Redskins To keep their free agents signings down so they could feel better teams. I mean they just you know, that's fine That's not cheating. It's all good. It's all good. It's just the Patriots. Um anyways So I got to watch them lose. What a fucking game, man. And the pictures of the fucking Alabama fans when they would cut to the crowd, when they were starting to sense that they were going to lose, like you just have to respect
Starting point is 01:10:01 how much it means. The look at devastate, you see that kid who's just fucking, dude, who's just bent over at the fucking wall? I thought he was dead. It just, I watched that shit and I just fucking, that's why I love sports because it's so fucking stupid that we give a shit to that goddamn level. Yet we do. And I love watching SEC football because, I don't know, there's a level of passion to the fans. And I know I break the Alabama fans' balls.
Starting point is 01:10:34 I don't give a fuck if you win another championship. I actually kind of one way wanna see Sabin do it and win the most just to see, just so I can say that I watch the greatest college coach of all time. But in the meantime, every time you play, I can say that I watched the the greatest college coach of all time but in the meantime every time you play I can't root for you if I look if I was born in Alabama you know in in at Crimson Tide country and I was raised a fucking Alabama fan and I went through that brutal
Starting point is 01:11:01 period after Bear Bryant left and that program went into the shitter And I suffered through all those years then I could be excited about them being good again But I can't come from a pro sports fucking town and just jump on the bandwagon But what I can do is fucking root for the underdog which I did so congratulations to Ole Miss I can't imagine how fucking crazy you guys went celebrating in Mississippi. I hope it didn't gradually turn into a fucking race riot and you guys just, you know, wanting to start the fucking civil war again. Hopefully you kept it tame. You know what I mean? Just tipped over a couple of cars and burned down some old trees or whatever the fuck you do down there uh... but i got to watch that and uh... i was actually traveling to austin and i got to watch the first quarter
Starting point is 01:11:49 the patriots came and uh... you know it was just it was a fucking great just watching you know we're going to be the loudest fans and then having nothing to cheer about because all of a sudden it's twenty one seven patriots after the bill's just walked down the fucking field totally fucking enjoyed that uh... and once again this has nothing to do with bills fans it just has to do with the fact that the amount of shit that billbell check yet for having no
Starting point is 01:12:15 personality you know like these fucking sports journalists don't know exactly what bellicics doing they know that he's figured them out they know it and he's not gonna let him that he's figured them out. They know it. And he's not going to let him in. He's not giving him any billboard bulletin board material, I should say. And Rex Ryan, they always say, oh, you know, this guy, you know, he's not afraid to say what's on his mind.
Starting point is 01:12:37 That's how they paint him. They just agamon to keep saying dumb things. You know what I mean? I don't't for the life of me, I don't know why Rex Ryan talks the level of shit that he does, but I'm so happy that he does it. I'm so happy that he does it. It's just like there you go Rex, there you go. piss off Tom Brady. See how that works for you. How does almost 500 yards passing? How does that feel this morning? They have wrecks. Keep talking shit. You know what it is? I really feel it because his level of insecurity outweighs actually even winning the game
Starting point is 01:13:14 that he has to shout down his own fucking demons. Um, haven't said that, you know, as much as I give wrecks shit, I know he's a great coach. Um, I can't say great. He hasn't won Rex shit, I know he's a great coach. I can't say great, he hasn't won a Super Bowl, so he's a really good coach. And he has a great defense. And they're going to make their adjustments. I think actually next game will actually be even closer. Obviously, it's kind of weird, like, his shit-talking made that a close game.
Starting point is 01:13:47 Because the Patriots, rather than just handing the ball off and running out the fucking clock, we kept throwing the fucking ball because it wasn't enough to beat them by 21 fucking points. We wanted to beat them by 28 at 35. So actually, his shit-talking, if you looked at the end of the game, the game the fact that you know Yeah, the game wasn't that fucking close, you know that it was fuck that we only one by eight
Starting point is 01:14:11 We kicked the shit out of them and then like dopes we kept throwing the fucking ball Putting us in a position to give it right back to him which we did um And then you go into the prevent and then all of a sudden this fucking inept quarterback who throws the ball, fucking 90 feet over everybody's fucking head all day long, all of a sudden looks like Joe Montana. So, I don't know, I'm psyched that that happened. And, you know, I hope, you know, when the Patriots go to play him again, I hope Rex talks a bunch more shit, which you know he will, which will get the Patriots even more motivated to beat
Starting point is 01:14:48 them. I just don't understand it in the stupid fucking. If you really listen to the guy, he's not saying anything. The players on his team, they're not saying anything. It's just stating the obvious. You know, we're not afraid, okay? They're not going to just step off the bus and we're going to give them the win. You know, we're coming out there to compete.
Starting point is 01:15:14 Oh, are you? Did you not compete? Did last week you didn't try? It's a fucking NFL. You should be doing that every fucking week. Just steal Kevin MacKale's Great quote way back in the day When he played for the Celtics, I remember you know, they were in some playoffs series and they kicked a shit out of the other team the first game
Starting point is 01:15:37 And then something other team starts talking shit going you know We're not fucking around they better be ready because next game we're coming we're coming and Kevin MacKale Because you should be doing that every night This is the NBA. It's fucking hilarious. Anyways, so there you go. Keep talking shit everybody out there and baffle offense. Mike and Dolan says, you know what I mean? I know Rex is a very charismatic guy and you fucking You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe him. I know. I know you did. You know what's great about the Patriots winning is now I don't have to hear from Shredding Reagan out there in Buffalo.
Starting point is 01:16:12 I hope somebody sent you this fucking clip. They're fellas. How you guys doing? How many times did you guys almost fucking set up a phone call with me. Shredding Reagan, two of my favorite people in the radio biz here, as I travel the country. These fucking guys are always, they only call me when Buffalo beats, you know, what do you got? You got the sabers in the bills. You don't got a lot out there. If they beat broans and like I play off series Which I came and when that fucking happened or if the pay the bills would be this like twice I Remember when when Drew Blitz so went to the bills and they won that bet that home game when they beat the crap out of us I got a I got a phone call then and then when there was one other time
Starting point is 01:17:02 It's it's hilarious and all they do is just talk about what a piece of shit billbellic check is and all that. I just laugh at them. So I got to think after that opening drive when you went 80 yards went right down the field. Yeah, your index finger was was quiver it. We got to call them. We got to call them. Hit send. Hit send. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Patriots go right down the field Give you all the old right-day of Fred Three and out go right back down the field another right-day of Fred, right? Now the three and out for you guys are a pick whatever the hell it was Malcolm Butler's amazing interception Malcolm Butler, right?
Starting point is 01:17:44 It's fucking wonderful. So anyways, I got to tell you, you got to put Matt Castle in. You know what I mean? Matt Castle did great with us when he was managing the Patriots while Tom Brady was out, right? So I still don't think that, you know, if we go and play the bills again, that we definitely win the game because they got Matt Castle. I still think, and I know that Rex is a good enough coach if he has, if he has a good defense, but I think the great thing's going to be if he just keep talking shit, Rex, keep talking shit. You know, dumb it is to talk shit in a professional sports league. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:18:26 Like you're actually intimidating somebody else. There's a professionals. They're not afraid of you in your Nutra system wrecks. They don't give a fuck. Oh, you're gonna blitz. All right. So whatever. So I got to watch that shit and that was very enjoyable for me. Um, and it was wonderful. I got a bunch of tweets from fucking Buffalo fans taking on the personality of their head coach and just watched to watch them slowly drop off after that opening drive. You know, it's so funny. And then to watch them slowly come back as we almost fucked up the end of the game. And then to just watch them disappear again, it was really enjoyable. You know, it was like when I was in Nantucket hearing the surf that's all it is that beginning sound is Bill's fans before the game that end
Starting point is 01:19:16 sound is them at the end so anyways all freckles has got to get back on the wagon. So I'm totally off my diet. I drank like a fish last week, like a maniac to the point yesterday when I was walking through the airport. I had like heartburn and everything like that because I ate stuff that I had not eaten in the entire time. I was, you know, dieting, trying to lose the weight. I was drinking beers, I was smoking cigars, I was eating chips, ice cream, the whole wedding cake, the whole fuck, I just chowed. And so yesterday was the big day. Well, yesterday I was like, you know,
Starting point is 01:20:10 I'm going to be traveling all day in airports. So you know, I'm not going to eat healthy. So I just was like, all right, well, let's, we got a three-headed monster here. We got sugar salt and booze going on right now. Let's chop one head off. So it's just like, all right, no booze today. So, um, and I'm doing this run of dates to Texas. So there's some friends coming out tonight. So tonight I'm gonna have a couple of drinks. The rest of the week, I'm having none and then in Toronto, I have some friends up there and I'll probably have a couple of drinks. But the second that is over. I am back on the wagon again for at least until mid-October, if not until the night of the Manusasquare Garden Show, depending on how I feel. I actually think this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to go
Starting point is 01:21:01 after this thing is over. I'm drinking two times on this trip Then I'm back on the wagon except for on October 17th I'm back on the wagon until Madison Square Garden. That's how it's going down October 17th. Why? Why are you gonna drink that day? Because I'm going to uh... pop up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up up right? The noted Dave fighting Irish. So legendary, they've been on national television, even though they've sucked every fucking weekend for the last 15 years they've been on the on the on the tube. So I'm going to that game. So And when I get I'm gonna try to eat as well as I can on this tour when I get back I'm going right back to that psycho fucking diet because it took me to God damn long And too much bullshit to lose all this fucking
Starting point is 01:22:06 weight that I don't want to go back. So, and you know what's helping me is to actually tell you guys that I'm doing it. Because if I don't tell you, if I just do this in my head, then I can slack off. There's nobody to give me shit. But if I tell you guys that I'm going to do it, then you guys can turn the tables on me and be like, hey Bill, we just check it on you. You know, you're doing there. So anyways, when I was, here's another thing, I'm done with fish. I'm not eating fish anymore because there's none left is basically what I learned because I've been going to Nantucket
Starting point is 01:22:45 and I've gone out and gone fishing every single time and every single time I've gone it's been harder and harder and we've had to throw the lines deeper and deeper to try to get fish and there's just fucking nothing left and I was talking to this guy and he was talking about what are all these fishing areas up in New England that people thought would never be fished out. He said, I completely fished out. And that's something that I wish they would just say, you know, in this presidential election that's they would be like, Hey, why don't everybody just lay off fish?
Starting point is 01:23:19 Go really easy on the fish for like the next fucking decade. Let's just let him come back. There's nothing wrong with eating fish but there's too many fucking people. Let's just fucking lay off it. We can make cows and chickens. We can force them to fuck each other, you know. We can eat those and lamb and all of that shit but like the fish, you know, what are we doing here? You just let him come back. Like I gotta tell you like, once we just, we kept pulling up blues, I guess, which don't taste good, so we'd throw him back.
Starting point is 01:23:48 I really did not enjoy it when I think about it. And then we ended up pulling up these fluke, who the fuck eats fluke? We're just doing it to pat our fucking stats and then brought it in. I felt we took way too much fish and we were actually gonna eat just so you could have the fun of fishing.
Starting point is 01:24:06 And there's always that thing any time I've gone fishing and I always feel like there's that tipping point where it's like, all right, we've caught our dinner and now we're just killing shit, just to kill shit. And I always feel like a fucking chimpanzee then. You know what I mean? I feel like, you know, we're acting like a bunch of apes. You know, if you watch, I fucking hate hate chimpanzees I can't fucking stand them when you they when they do a real documentary
Starting point is 01:24:30 on them I see so much fucking sadistic human behavior in them the way you know when they go out and they kill another monkey you know I watched one one time just standing on the things fucking back just digging into its back pulling out flesh it It could have just killed it, but it was actually getting off on here and the other thing screaming. And I just so much fucking sadistic human behavior in it. I fucking I ate them. And I just felt like when we were still pulling the fish out just to be doing it, I felt like we were a bunch of chimps like we should have been doing that. You know, walking around that weird chip walk, fucking punching our chest, you know, maybe I'm over fucking reacting, but I gotta tell you my favorite part of Of the fishing trip
Starting point is 01:25:14 Other than watching one of the guys I was with pulling this beautiful bass Fucking gorgeous fish that I knew we were gonna cook up and eat and they would feed all of us Was when there was a school of porpoises that was, that was swimming along the boat. I actually took video, you know, something I don't know how to do it, I'll give it to my guy. Maybe he'll be able to upload it correctly, but that was the best part of it. Um, personally, it was fucking amazing man, watching those things cut through the water like a goddamn sports car that was the best part but killing the fluke I just when we've taken up the fluke man the stupid flatfish I just felt like I was beating up a three-year-old. So anyways let's let's fucking let's do some of the reads here for this week.
Starting point is 01:26:07 By the way, if you want to send in a question here to the podcast, what you send is to bill at themmpodcast.com, and that's all lowercase except for the M's in M podcast.com and that's all lowercase except for the M's in M M podcast bill at the M M podcast. Oh, did anybody watch the M's last night? I didn't watch when I was traveling and evidently somebody gave some powerful speech, some woman gave a speech about racism and all that. And of course, the crowd went fucking crazy. And I don't fucking get that moment. When somebody black is on stage, right? And they talk about how racist Hollywood is and how it needs to stop. The level, like
Starting point is 01:27:02 the white people in the crowd almost like trip over themselves to stand up in a plot and it always comes off so fucking phony to me like the level that the level that they're screaming and applauding and crying and doing all this fucking bullshit. It's just like you guys are the guys who are running the shit. I'm not talking about the actors, but there's like showrunners in the crowd, there's heads of studios and all that. It's like if you really gave a fuck to the level that you're acting like you're given a fuck, the person on stage wouldn't have to be making, wouldn't have to be making this speech. I think it's so fucking I think that they did
Starting point is 01:27:45 jumping up and they're applauding at that fucking level because they don't want to get caught on camera not clapping. You know what I mean? I'm not saying that all white people are bad. All right I'm not saying that shit but it just I don't fucking get that moment. I feel like whiteies like me in that moment rather than applauding wildly, should be going like, all right, you got us, you're right, you're right. We gotta work better, we gotta work harder on that one. Sorry, sorry about that.
Starting point is 01:28:20 And instead of standing there, applauding as if you're not part of the problem, you know what I mean? See, even myself, as much as I feel like things should be fair, I don't do anything about it. You know what I mean? I'm just trying to keep my boat afloat, right? That's actually kind of funny when you think about it.
Starting point is 01:28:42 When you think about how cutthroat show business is, the most honest things that white people could do in that point, at that point, would not be to a plot. They would be like, wait a minute. This business is hard enough for us with it being completely unfair and tilted in our favor. Why would I applaud to level it out? Like yeah, make it harder for me. Well, fucking balding red-headed male. I need it to be slanted in my favor as much as possible. That would be the most honest moment. The most honest reaction, but everybody doesn't. They all stand up and freak out and this one really pisses me off is they then think that yeah I'm a good person because I just did that. This person is going through this shit. They
Starting point is 01:29:37 said they're sick of going through this shit and now I'm gonna stand up on a plan. Be like that's right you shouldn't have to go through that shit Okay, now I'm gonna sit back down again and be white I'm still waiting for somebody Even if it's a feminist anything to be up there standing be like why are you applauding right now? Are you going to do anything about this? You know what I mean? And human beings are all selfish and we're in, you know, most part you're not I don't know maybe are they I don't know maybe I'm just fucking pessimistic. I have no idea. All right Let's uh let's plow ahead here um
Starting point is 01:30:23 All right American let's plow ahead here. All right, American people in their clubs. Hi, Bill. Wanted to ask about you guys across the pond and the way you support your clubs. All right, first of all, we call them teams. All right, just to let you know, if you want to blend in, if your government ever goes belly up and you sneak into this country,
Starting point is 01:30:40 and you don't want to be found out, you know, that you're an illegal alien. You say teams, you don't say clubs. Advice first. When the dollar collapses, I'll go over there and be like, all right. Oh, you support what club you support, mate. Right. Put another shrimp on the Bobby.
Starting point is 01:30:59 Shagged, Delic, baby. It's just that quote in awful American movies. To me, it looks like you support anyone you fancy anywhere in the US. It seems you support about five teams in five different sports. Over in Blyee, we support only like one sport and you keep to it. Oh, Jesus, Christ, can you fucking pat yourself? we're fucking loyal over here. Really? What else are you gonna do over there? The fuck else are you gonna do over in Australia?
Starting point is 01:31:31 Don't give me any bullshit, cause I've been to your fucking country. Unless you're in Melbourne, they're ain't shit to do. Sydney, Sydney, Jesus Christ. Sydney is like Sacramento, California. All right. The whole middle of your country is full of the most evil fucking poison this shit ever. Right?
Starting point is 01:31:52 You can't even go there. That's what ACDC's highway to hell was about. Wasn't it driving from Perth all the way through that fucking shit? Jesus fucking Christ. All right, let's see. Usually soccer slash football shit. Jesus fucking Christ. All right, usually soccer slash football is what you support, but the richer you are, the sport changes. Example, rugby tennis and so on. Those are for rich people, evidently. For the most, for most people, you support one team and you live no more than 30
Starting point is 01:32:17 mile radius or at least to your top league team unless you're a glory supporter, which means a bandwagon, I so my question is are all american glory hunters or is there a way of doing things the novice can't see go fuck yourself yet you don't i don't know what the fuck you're talking about i support all the boston teams the patriots as far as like we have four professional sports
Starting point is 01:32:44 and i can't help but that we have more over here. See, the middle of our country, we're able to grow enough food to feed the world. You guys, the middle of your country, you have enough spoils in this shit to murder everybody in the world. Maybe that's why your teams are only 30 miles of fucking way. You're trying to shorten the travel to the stadium so nobody fucking dies Yeah, so the four major sports over here football basketball baseball and hockey and I support All the Boston teams those are my favorite teams. They always have been now
Starting point is 01:33:22 Since I have a job where I have all this free time, you know, I can watch golf majors, I can watch tennis majors, I can watch college football, I can watch college hoop, I can't watch it and pay attention to it the level that I pay attention to football and hockey. You can't even with the four major sports. Like basically, somebody who watches and pays attention like to baseball and football, then has to make a choice with basketball or hockey. Like this football, baseball and basketball fans is football, baseball and hockey fans.
Starting point is 01:34:00 And for the most part, the way the season's overlap now, it's becoming football and basketball, football and hockey. Or maybe some probably just a hardcore baseball fan. You know, that's basically what it is. But we definitely have glory supporters, you call them, or bandwagon fans. There's a lot of bandwagon Yankee fans, there's a lot of bandwagon, like Dallas cowboy fans when they're good, you know, there's just certain teams that are like, I don't
Starting point is 01:34:33 know, they have like national appeal, but no, for the most part, yeah, you go and people support the teams that are in their area. I don't know what you're seeing or if you hear me because I talk about all these different sports, I mean I have to, unless I just want to do like a Boston's podcast, which kind of limits, I mean this podcast is Boston enough. I don't want to fucking, you know, eliminate all that other shit, right? You understand what I'm saying? I'm not, I think we just got a bunch of great sports over here and it's fun to fucking watch, but I don't think that people are
Starting point is 01:35:08 necessarily anymore ban wagon over here. Well, I can't say that over there because I don't know what the fuck goes on over there. But as usual, you're not from the United States and you did what most foreigners do is you in a very insulting way, shitting all over America. You try to act like you're trying to get information as you shit all over us. But the great thing
Starting point is 01:35:31 about my job is I've been to where you're at and I've smelt your shit and it smells no differently. So go fuck yourself. Anyways, Aussie rules, Gidey, Blinky, Bill. No, I don't think that there's any more. Well, I guess that, I guess I don't know how many fucking people are. Glory supporters over there. All right, let's continue. Last week you got an email from a fellow Australian fan who asked you to explain the rules of American football. In return, you asked an Aussie to explain our own brand of football
Starting point is 01:36:06 So here goes. Oh, geez. By the way, I should have just said American football, you know You got two ends of the field Both teams defend the end of the field that's to their backs All right the other team gets the fucking ball All right, if they run into the end zone or throw it into the end zone, they get six points followed by an extra point where they kick it through the uprights for one point. All right. If you're drive down the field stalls, you can try to kick the ball through the
Starting point is 01:36:43 uprights and you get three points. If you don't think he can make it, you punt the ball. That's it. That's all I should have said. Going through the whole first down, second down, all that is too much. All right. Australian rules, that's chapter two. All right.
Starting point is 01:36:58 Australian rules football was invented in Melbourne. Victoria in the 1870s. Yes, that long ago. Well, why did you think that I was going to think that was a long time ago? Baseball was invented in the 1880s. There's always that insulting like fucking like the United States, you don't fucking know, whoa, 1870s people were alive back then. And as a competition between 18 teams from around the nation, each team plays 22 games between April and September. And then the top eight teams on the latter play finals football during September and in October. All right, so it's playoff time. Winning a game gets the team for premiership points and losing it gets you nothing.
Starting point is 01:37:48 AFL is played on a large oval, about 150 meters from goal to goal. There really aren't any set dimensions for the field of play. As the ovals over in Perth are known to be wider than the fields in Victoria and South Australia. Well, back in the day and in the NHL hockey rinks were different sizes. Boston had a smaller rink, so we more had like grinders, you know, physical players, and then other places, you know, if they had a bigger rink, they went more for fucking speed. And then teams used to do shit like if the other team was fast, they wouldn't fucking they'd have the ice be a little more slushy and all that type of shit, all that type of shit,
Starting point is 01:38:32 you know, anyway, so here we go. Anyways, now to the actual rules. Like in the NFL, there are some set point players, but for now, let's just break them into defenders, midfielders, and forwards. The ball is bounced in the center of the ground at the start of play or after a goal is scored and the opposing ruffman that was in quotes jump to try and tap the ball to their midfield midfielders advantage
Starting point is 01:38:57 quite like basketball to dispose of the ball a player must either kick it or handball it which is essentially holding the ball in one hand and punching it with the other. A player cannot throw the ball, but can kick or hand ball in any direction. The ball must be bounced while a player is running with it, like in basketball, but only like every 10 paces. If the ball is kicked outside the field of play, this is actually interesting, because I've watched the game in a picture and at least fuckers running around.
Starting point is 01:39:27 Now I kind of get it. If the ball is kicked outside the field of play on the full, on the full, what the fuck is that? A free kick is awarded to the other team. If it goes out of bounds after bouncing along the ground, the boundary on par is just throws it in. What the fuck is the full? The ball is kicked outside the field of play on the full of free kickers awarded to the other team a free kick what to kick it between those posts or to kick it to your other team.
Starting point is 01:40:02 I don't fucking know if a player catches the, it is called a mark. The umpire referee will blow his whistle and award this player a few seconds to explore his options and then kick on. If the player moves past the line, I've seen all of this shit. They all clear out. If the player moves past the line where he marked the marked the ball the umpire calls play on and the player can then be tackled by the opposition if he is tackled with the ball and does not get rid of it legally
Starting point is 01:40:31 it's called holding the ball and the and the tackler gets a free kick what don't you mean then the tackler gets a free kick however the tackler falls in the victims back or makes head high contact a free kick as awarded to the player he was tackling
Starting point is 01:40:48 Jesus Christ, dude. This is way too much information This it's still gonna go He's still going here in order to score a player must kick the ball through his team center goalposts if he does this It's worth six points. However if he misses to either side the ball goes through The behind the post. It's worth just one. However, if he misses to either side, the ball goes through the behind the post, it's worth just one point. Oh yeah, because you guys got the two tall ones and then the two smaller ones, right?
Starting point is 01:41:12 Usually goals are scored from inside a team's 50 meter arc, but they don't have to be. Goals can be kicked by any player on the ground in any way. You can imagine, as long as it comes off the foot and it's not touched by another player. Lastly, a specky. A specky. Come on, KJ.
Starting point is 01:41:29 They always have E at the end. Specky. Roy, a specky. Lastly, I went to English to Ozzy Roy. Specky. A specky is when one player jumps on the ball. Jumps on the shoulders or back of another player to mark the ball. They are named appropriately because they are spectacular to watch.
Starting point is 01:41:50 Yeah, that's a big thing. Like they don't want to say the whole word, they just throw e at the end. Specky. It was a specky. Instead of saying spectacular. I think, anyways, only been there a couple times. This player's are often as high as four meters when they catch the ball. It's about a little more than 12 feet in the air.
Starting point is 01:42:08 Thankfully, head high contact does not apply to species. That's about it. Bill seems like a lot of rules when it all written down, but I'm sure a season sports pro like yourself could pick it up pretty quickly. Games are streamed on www.afl.com.au who knows maybe afl could add some excitement to the dry months between hockey basketball and NFL if you're looking for a team I reckon you suit the Western Bulldogs you love your dogs obviously but more than just that they also play in the same colors as your
Starting point is 01:42:41 patriots and they are based in a decent working class area just like your beloved Boston. Go love yourself my friend. Thanks for reading and thanks for years of laughs. Alright, PS. Blinky Bill is a much love Australian cartoon koala. Oh I got to look that up. All right, here comes a creepy one. She said rape, I had a videotape. All right, talk about going from just some bullshit to about as heavy a topic as you could have. All right, hey Bill, I got a little question. Doesn't sound like a little question, dude. She said rape, I have videotape.
Starting point is 01:43:24 All right, this all sounds crazy. All right last year I had sex with a girl two days later I was arrested charged with rape. Luckily I filmed it. I filmed it all as me and a friend had a three-sem with her so it's all good now. Wait a minute. All, so if I'm to believe you, you and your friend had a threesome with this woman, you filmed it. Did she know you were filming it? Maybe because you filmed it, she then got afraid that you're going to show it to people, so then she did that.
Starting point is 01:44:01 I have no fucking idea. There's too many. Maybe you filmed it and she didn't know which would make you a piece of shit but then smart because she said it was rape and it wasn't that's if I believe you that is a lot of variables here luckily I filmed it at all as me and a friend had a threesome with her so it's all good now you see I have to still doubt this guy because of this thing he had a videotape that cops watched it and he got off. I still have to act like she still had a case because it's rape.
Starting point is 01:44:32 You know what I mean? I have to act like no guy ever gets accused of rape when he didn't rape. You know what I mean? I have to be like, you know what I mean? I have to be like those white people at the award shows. I have to stand up and applaud. But the whole thing stressed me out so bad that I had to quit my job. Yeah, I think so. And I've gone to therapy ever since.
Starting point is 01:44:52 Now I always wear a hidden recording device when I'm on a date with a girl. I got paid $1,000 because all of that happened. Or $1,000 in damages. The girl, on the other hand, didn't suffer a bit. She was apparently unstable and had reported eight other cases of rape the same year. I was number nine. Still the police showed up with six men, two cars, and made my room look like a scene from CSI. Well they're just doing their job, dude. And as she was unstable, she didn't have to pay
Starting point is 01:45:21 me or anything or anyone. I got paid by the government. I was risking years behind bars. Yeah, and God knows what they would have done to you in there. I read something in the local paper by another one of her victims that was also proven in a sentence was being hated on by my country's biggest feminist groups. Rapids serious, but this has to stop. What are your thoughts on this bill? Thank you for your answer and consensually fuck you. Yeah, I mean, I think that's your situation
Starting point is 01:45:57 is you're going to get caught up in after years of it going totally the other way where they blamed the victim and said, well what were you wearing? You were asking for it, what did you think was going to happen? Now, you know, which obviously needed to stop that now socially it's gone from where they blamed the victim To I mean back in the day they'd be like well you were drinking. What did you think was gonna happen? They've gone all the way to the other side now where it's just like if she said she was raped she was raped so Which isn't a bat what makes it a bad fucking thing is the fact that they put the accused name in the picture and everything in the fucking paper before anything has been proven.
Starting point is 01:46:58 I am an advocate of you protect both people until something has been proven either innocence or guilt. All right, and if it's innocent, you let that person get back on with their life because you cannot shake that. It's over. The second you're accused of that shit, it's fucking over. You know, it's it's it's it's over. You have branded that for the rest of your fucking life And when you have somebody out there if they're fucking unstable and they're doing this for whatever fucking reason I mean God knows what horrible thing happened to this person that they're doing this Or maybe they were born unstable. I have no fucking idea, but You know the fact that you, you get a thousand bucks,
Starting point is 01:47:49 you're in therapy, you gotta quit your fucking job and all that. I mean, look, who's kidding who, dude? All right, you had a fucking threesome. All right, your videotape and the fucking thing. I mean, I don't know that you, I can't say you don't wear a fucking recording device. I totally understand why you would. I totally get that, but I would just say why don't you, you know, try to date somebody a little more stable. I mean, you're going on dates versus, you know, hooking up with some crazy person who's having a threesome and letting you film the fucking thing. I mean, right there,
Starting point is 01:48:31 dude, if you're fucking like, if you hook up with somebody, you don't fucking know them from Adam, and they're gonna have a fucking threesome and they're gonna let you film the fucking thing. I mean, right there, I mean, the amount of red flags that should be flying in your face, you shouldn't even be seeing the person anymore. Here I am blaming you again. You're probably a young guy you never had this. So you learned your fucking lesson here. I don't know, dude, if secretly wearing a recording device You know Makes you feel more comfortable and then I I Don't have a problem with it. I
Starting point is 01:49:14 Mean, dude, you I don't have you ever heard like what happens to rapist and in jail You know they're like hunted down They're like hunted down. Fucking gang raped and all of that type of shit. It's fucking horrific. What could have happened to you just because she said that that happened. And those feminist groups that are doing that shit, I mean, they're basically exposing themselves for what they truly are. Is they're sexist.
Starting point is 01:49:44 They're totally fucking sexist. Any woman says a guy does anything, they just totally have their fucking back. They don't give a shit. I mean, with this person, even in that year said that, you know, someone raped and didn't, rape her and didn't. I mean, right there, they did a little bit of fucking where they just immediately back them. Let me guess, did they apologize to you at all? You know, I'm sure they didn't. They just immediately back them. Let me guess, did they apologize to you at all?
Starting point is 01:50:07 You know, I'm sure they didn't. Did they, as big as a fucking surge that they did online or wherever they were coming at you, when they apologized, which should have been even bigger? Did they, I'm sure they didn't. You know, cause there's sexist cunts. They are, they don't give a shit. They sit there and they pat themselves on the back like they're these socially advanced fucking people And they aren't they're the exact fucking thing that they're fighting the exact moron Sexist guy that thinks a woman should just be there to suck as dick and make a mess sandwich. They are the female version of that
Starting point is 01:50:44 They are the female fucking version that. They have the female fucking version that generally fucking speaking and I can speak in generalities considering how they treated you. All right, here we go. Telling guitarist he's bad. Hey Billy Bonzo, Bill, I love you and I need you help. All right, I am a 16 year old guy from Egypt. That's so fucking cool. You listen to this podcast, that's awesome. Yes, you have fans in Egypt. Anyway, I have been playing guitar for two years now, and I started a band with some friends, that's awesome.
Starting point is 01:51:14 A drummer, a bass player, and another guitar player, here's the problem. We're having trouble with the guitar player. He is flashy. He is a flashy fuck with no talent. He never practices enough. Has very bad quality guitar and amp. Learn solos only and doesn't even play them correctly. And he wants me to play the rhythm section while he shits the lead parts. I don't have a problem in playing rhythm, but only if he can play well. To put his failure into perspective, he's been playing guitar for over six years and most people tell me I'm way better than him. Not trying to be cocky or anything, just shitting on him more and more. Where I live, finding another guitarist
Starting point is 01:51:55 who can actually play is very difficult, so it's hard to let him go while we have a gig coming in October. So should we let him go and find another guy? And if so, can we tell him that he is out? Yeah, Jesus Christ. There's a lot of variables in this one. All right. So if I am to believe that this guy stinks as much as you do and not that this is some cliched in band fighting where you're playing rhythm and he's playing lead so all the chicks want to bang him afterwards and you're standing there like what about me? You know me? Everyone wants to fuck Angus. Nobody wants to fuck Malcolm over here. You know, as long as it isn't that this guy truly does suck and if you're actually better than him, then why don't you turn yourselves into a power trio? You know, and then all you gotta do is have your bass player and your drummer will give them more space
Starting point is 01:52:54 for when you're playing the lead. It would make you a better guitarist too, especially if there's some space within those leads and then you could hit a couple of fucking the rhythm chords and then go in and out of the fucking and make you a better guitarist. I mean I can tell you right now that if you think this guy's a flashy fuck with no talent and he's not practicing and he's been playing three times as long as you and you feel that you're better. I don't see you guys ever coming to a point where you're
Starting point is 01:53:21 going to be happy with what the fuck he's doing. My only question is, you do need some showmanship in the band, I would think, because sometimes somebody can be better than somebody else, but they stand there and they look like a fucking toad waiting for a flight to come by. And then at that point, you literally have to be a musician to understand what they're doing, because there is, you know know you also have to entertain people so All is flashy shit though that could get you some gigs You know what I mean in the beginning Who knows I don't know
Starting point is 01:53:57 You you'd have to assess all of that But if you the drummer and the bass player are all on the same page and you think think this guy's a flashy fuck who's not bringing anything to the band, then yeah, I bounced the guy maybe after you gig in October, if there's not enough time to find somebody new, maybe play one more fucking gig and then get rid of him. But if he's actually, you know, there's been a lot of flashy guys that couldn't quite fucking play, but they were fun to watch and the bands made it. So I don't know. That part of it is going to have to be up to you. But I think there's opportunity there for you to become an even better guitarist if you
Starting point is 01:54:36 want to try to hold down his parts for a while until you find somebody else. And then you know what, you only have to split the gig money three ways instead of four. All I would say is if you're going to start playing leads then I would still a little bit of that guy's moves in his fashion scent. You know what I mean? You got to do a couple of things. You can't be standing back dead fucking hell. Like I said like that toe down a lily pad.
Starting point is 01:55:04 All right Canadian politician wants to stunt population growth. A broccoli bill just saw this article about Elizabeth May, the leader of our green party, the number four political party in Canada, who supports reducing the world's population. Figure it's up your alley, that's amazing. Here's a link to her party platform, but since you suck at reading, here are a few of the main points of what she wants to do. That's hilarious. I was even struggling reading that sentence. One, integrate goals for reduced fertility in the overall effort to eliminate
Starting point is 01:55:37 poverty. What does that mean? She wants to sterilize poor people? This does not sound green. This sounds like brown shirt Realize that failure to stabilize and reduce human population will result in the inevitable reduction of human population by means of high death rates as the earth's human Carrying capacity is not only exceeded but reduced by the consumption of resources and the destruction of biological capital, resulting in poverty, starvation, disease, great human suffering, and possibly social disruption. Apps of fucking looting. Check all of those off. Integrate goals for improved healthcare and spreading knowledge of birth control methods
Starting point is 01:56:22 and efforts that increase the availability of the ability of birth control equipment and Supplies into the overall efforts to eliminate poverty for a recognized that the high level of per capita resource consumption and developed countries makes the impact of their population Much more serious Stoke to see you in Toronto for a couple weeks just just for less and thanks for the podcast you dope Well, if you can estupid you're gonna fucking see me next week unless this is leftover from a while ago You actually can see me this week, so it's not a couple of weeks What I think needs to be done Is I think that there just needs to be from top to bottom information
Starting point is 01:57:02 on what the human population is doing to bottom information on what the human population is doing to the oceans, to the air, to the trees, to all of that type of shit. And at this point, this is not even tree hugger shit. This is just literally fact that just needs to be way less fucking people. And if you just like, I was going to say prognosticated, is that actually word? If you just projected, if you just showed what the fuck were added towards and you scared the fuck out of people and you somehow this is why it's not gonna work you got to get everybody on the same page and you got to get people to not
Starting point is 01:57:40 accel for see it's like if there's a fucking plane crash right into the fucking mountains And the survivors are sitting there and they pool together all the resources they have And they're all in the same team no matter what there's always going to be that person who's out for themselves Okay, and that's just in a group of fucking 20 people. So if you just factor that in Into seven billion people, the amount of people that are out there for themselves, I don't think that it works. And I think that we are doomed to, so that second paragraph where there's You know resulting in poverty starvation disease great human suffering and possible social disruption I think that that's going to happen. I think the upper 1% realizes that and I think they're insulating themselves
Starting point is 01:58:38 From that inevitability by pooling the resources for themselves Turning places into police states getting rid of rights and living in gated communities. They are all set, all right, they are all set for all of that shit to happen. And that's just my paranoid fucking two cents. Anyways, so that's the podcast here for this week. I'll send you that video of the purposes swimming through the ocean while there's still there. And what else?
Starting point is 01:59:13 I think that's it. I got to run a date this week. Man, if you're in Texas, all right. I'm going to be in Austin for two shows tonight. I'm going to be in San Antonio. I'm going to be in Dallas. I'm going to be in Houston. Is'm gonna be in Dallas. I'm gonna be in Houston Is that it? I think that that is it. No L pass. So on this run no college station
Starting point is 01:59:31 No corpus Christi none of that shit. So, you know, you might have to drive a little bit but I'm driving all over the how to Texas and And on Sunday, I'm gonna be at the just for laughs in Toronto. I Got a whole new hour of shit. I am rested up sort of from my week out there in Nantucket. And I'm not really rested up. I smoke the fucking cigar every day. I smoke two on one day.
Starting point is 01:59:59 And I am fucking spent. But that'll give me fuel for my standup back. So anyways, I think that's it. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. I will talk. I'll check it on Thursday. See you.
Starting point is 02:00:15 What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL edition week number three with your host me Paul Verzi over here. Bill Burr over there. We got the Greek freak in Greece. Doesn't get more Greek than that. And then we got Jake the snake Ross Jake the snake Rossstein over in. You know, we don't know, you don't want to get the look from Jake the snake when you make it. You don't want to see him be like, yeah, like we don't even know where Jake is located. Look at him. He looks like he's in some cave with stats.
Starting point is 02:00:49 He's got a whiteboard. He's got sender blocks around. They call him the algorithm. Yeah, he's our he's our Jonah Hill from Moneyball. Uh, you guys are listening to, uh, the third week of our NFL thing. Oh, Paulie had a rough one. What can I say? But before we get into, before we get into that, let's talk about our great sponsor,
Starting point is 02:01:11 Bed MGM, love working with these guys. All you guys have to do, you know it by now. If you listen to the show, all you got to do, you place your first bet, the Bed MGM sportsbook, wager through Bed MGM sportsbook, mobile application, at least $10 guys. All you do is you put $10 You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website.
Starting point is 02:01:34 You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website. You can also do it on the website. You place a wager in the amount of at least $10 at standard odds price, which is a qualifying bet. And once you have placed a qualifying bet, you receive 200 bucks in bonus bets, regardless
Starting point is 02:01:54 of the outcome of your wager. We will also, um, yeah, and we'll also going to be doing the, they're still doing the survivor pool. It's not for the grand prize of 250 K, but you could sign up anytime, keep picking the team you think is going to win. And I'm sure there's going to be some prizes, right? Andrew, just not the 250 K. So you guys can still sign up for that. It's not too, not too late for that. And what happened to 250 grand? You had to be a bit of a bit of a problem.
Starting point is 02:02:21 You had to be a bit of a bit of a problem. Then you just take it away. You can't do that to us. Well, you know, that us. Well, that's like Paul. That's like when we got that fucking first down. And then they go to the replay booth. The fucking guy's not laying on the fucking, he's laying on fucking open grass with fucking lead based tires on it. That causes cancer, but we don't, we refuse to fucking acknowledge it here in the United States.
Starting point is 02:02:44 How the fuck with Andrew, your Patririots fan, you're on bias? I can't go to you. Jake, the snake. I gotta ask you, dude, what the fuck about that was more conclusive than what the guy said on the field? Even Chris Collins' words was like, I don't get that call. To tear it, yeah. Yeah. I didn't want you guys. To tear it, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:03:05 I didn't want you guys all to agree with me. Now, there's nothing to yell about. All right, we got fucking hose last week. I think, well, no, I think the nose, I think the nose of the ball was at the marker when I saw it. I think it was bullshit. They should have let that go. They should have let that go. That's what I think.
Starting point is 02:03:18 I don't think anybody could tell the rap took a fucking guess and the goddamn replay didn't show anything either way. So you go with what you said on the field. Now I can tell me that for fucking years. And then it's time for my team. You like, yeah, fuck that rule. Is there anything holding that football like a woman that jumped off a fire escape with their baby? You couldn't even see the fucking thing.
Starting point is 02:03:43 Is there anything better than Bill Burr yelling about the patriots with that old school amazing starter jacket on? I mean, that's just like a special team coach in 1982. Yeah, he's going on out there. Bill, all you need to do is throw the headset when you're done. Oh, that's our new expression.
Starting point is 02:03:59 Instead of keep your shirt on, Andrew, the new expression is, hey, don't throw your headset. Keep your headset on. I was talking. Game may know, but keep your headset on. All right. We'll do a quick recap. I'll do a recap real quick of mine. And then I will pass it to you. But before we get started, we always want to say here at the Anything Better podcast, guys, we're doing this for fun fun and we want you guys to bet responsibly. Have a good time with it, enjoy the weekend and don't fucking let it be some crazy thing.
Starting point is 02:04:29 Okay, we always want to say that $10 buy in ruin your fucking life here. You supposed to have fun. This is just silly shit that we're doing here. Don't fucking be fat and you know, more than just tens of thousands of dollars, Paul, then I think you'd have to be a fucking millionaire to do that, right? Well, look, it's stupid here. It's like when you go to the convenience store
Starting point is 02:04:48 and you want a little, you're a little thirsty. Grab a six. Grab a six, sir. You don't grab a 30 case on a two. Get that in on sports, Paul. You're dating a stripper. Don't fall in love with them. All right, don't chase it down the fucking street.
Starting point is 02:04:59 She's gone. You know, if we play back, if we play back last week's picks, I said this on the pod. I go, I looked at my card and I go, I don't know guys, I go, I don't love this. I go, this is something that could be good or O and four. And then I watch the lions up a touchdown, all of a sudden it says over time. Then I watch the chargers up for covering over time. Then I'm going, oh boy, then Jimmy Garoppolo.
Starting point is 02:05:25 He's throwing picks all over the fucking yard to the bills. Now I'm going, Paul, he's got 03. And then my giants who are getting absolutely skunked, 20 to nothing after going, the giants went down 60 points to nothing, the first two games. Of course, we come back and Paul, he loses that one too. Oh, Bill, I did the unimaginable and weak too.
Starting point is 02:05:44 Grab my paw, could you sleep with your picks? The unforgivable, but I could, but I could. That's why. I love that. You know, I, why I beat the book, I can sleep, I can sleep with my picks that like made no sense in total sense at the same time. Like you, you, you fucking split the matrix.
Starting point is 02:06:01 I don't even know what that means, but I'm going with it. And Bill, at least you know what was nice for you? I was talking to Bill. And it's always nice when you know you got two wins in your back pocket before the late games. Because you were just, you were like, I'm gonna get fucked on the last two games. But thank God you had two wins.
Starting point is 02:06:17 So they called rough in the past or one more fucking time on that drive against the fucking Jets Paul. The guys were literally in the air. That fucking press car was taking, I could have taken that hit my fucking street close. I would have limped around a little bit, but I still would have made it into staples
Starting point is 02:06:32 to buy some coffee or paper. Dude, if you took that hit, you would not be on this podcast right now. Get the fuck out of here. I've seen homeless guys tackle innocent people out here in LA and they shaking it off more than that. Give me a fucking break. All right, we're coming right out of the gate, Paul.
Starting point is 02:06:50 You know my jacket's on, so you know what I'm going to be taking later on. I got to guard that, but I know Paul, you too much of a gentleman to take that fucking thing from me. So that's what I'm going to do, Paul. I need to call to have a terrible defense according to what I saw. By the way, Paul, the new inside the NFL is fucking amazing. Oh, yes. Last night, it's four guys that played the game,
Starting point is 02:07:11 that know the game, breaking it down for an hour. It's fantastic. I was on the NFL network and I'm watching this show. There's some dude and some lady. The guys fucking voice was higher than hers. There was no testosterone on the show. I thought they were re-bottling the kitchen. I was like, dozing off like, are they talking about football here? And then I put on fucking NBC ABC. They got fucking, they got
Starting point is 02:07:38 old show Cinco on there. They got to do it from the red skins and two other guys that fucking played the game. They're talking, you know, whenever I played the Steelers, there was a double shin strap game. That was the kind of shit. It made me feel more like a man. I recommend that show. All right, I'm going to go with the Ravens. I love what I saw last week. They got this dude, Gus Edwards dude.
Starting point is 02:08:00 Just a fucking monster running back. Lamar Jackson throwing the ball better than I've ever seen him. He's running around like a fucking deer. You think he's taking off, he throws the ball. You think he's throwing the ball, he fucking takes off. Clownie's coming into his own with this little skip step going over on people. I know they're laying, guess what Paul? I don't give a fuck. I'm taking a lay in a...
Starting point is 02:08:24 Updated line on that bill is seven and a half. Seven and a half, I like even better. By the way, we've been getting so Wednesday, Paul, we don't even have the injury reports. No, I mean, we're flying blind in here without an instruments. Who changed? What do you got? I like that. I look at that pick. Ravens look good and Ravens look like they're gonna keep getting better they're one of those teams that's gonna keep getting better. Here's a deal dude is Joe Burrow definitely out. Joe Burrow
Starting point is 02:08:55 had that fucking gun on his cap he celebrated a touchdown and I think he tweaked it and he was literally at the end of the game came out limping and you know you know the end of the game, came out, limping, and the guys, the fucking man, he smokes the guards, he played an LSU. I mean, he's gonna give it a Zola on Sunday, but fucking guy's calf is definitely an issue. Hey, Jake, the snake, we have that report, that's a definite, he's out.
Starting point is 02:09:20 It's not definite, but... Jake, you're at the 10th year, what are they saying over there? Unlikely, is what I would say, but I just got your asses 10 years. What are they saying over there? Unlikely is what I would say, but it's unlikely. Yeah. Dude, there is a whole Italian tone in your voice this week. I would go with that unlikely, Paul.
Starting point is 02:09:36 And the reins have covered the last two weeks that cover and I always went with it covered. Oh, yeah, you guys see that. That's a big thing for their coach to cover and kicking that fucking field goal. What the fuck was that Paul? I thought that was to cover this spread. That was for a push. Yeah, that was for a push. Look at that guys. The best looking coach in the NFL, no disrespect to
Starting point is 02:09:56 P. Carroll. He held the title for a long time. It's now that dude with the fucking Rams. He has his guy kick that fucking field goal, Paul go Paul, not trying to get in your head. It's a push the amount of money that he made Vegas. He's a 50 minute flight away from Vegas Paul. You tell me he wasn't with some showgirls that night. Doing a little chorus line high stepping, you know, wearing it on a armor, where what I liked all week, week what I liked all week and I'm sticking to it. I'm sticking to it I liked it all week and here's why
Starting point is 02:10:31 You know you got an oh and two bangles team You can't go oh and three at home. They have too much talent with Joe mixing and chase Okay, I don't know who the I don't know what's gonna happen with Burrow, but since it's not a definite, they're laying two and a half since the night he sees and is on the line at home. And I don't trust the Rams, just the fact that they kicked the field goal down
Starting point is 02:10:54 to cover, I don't like what's going on there. And I'm gonna take the bangles at home minus two and a half to win the game by three. I got Cincinnati at home. You know what I mean? Well, I've had a lot of people don't agree with that. So I think that that's a good pick. Because you know, somebody I don't know who the fucking Rams are. I don't know what's going on over there. And it's two and a half right now. You better few point. I like it a two and a half. Wait, you want to have for your land to and a half. No, the bangles got to win by three.
Starting point is 02:11:22 They got to win by three. You know, I think Joe Burrows not going on three. He's not going on one three. I like that. All right, here's another team I like Paul. This is a crazy fucking game. Oh, I got two crazy ones, Paul. I'm sitting on teeter. At least I come on a seesaw here. I think I'm gonna take my Titans. You love them. I think getting three, dude. The Titans to you are the chargers to me. No, except mine come through. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 02:11:59 The Titans come Titans to go to organization, dude. The chargers, man. The chargers are a dysfunctional family. They got a bunch of talented kids there, but there's no parental supergurge. It's correct. And this minus three, you're right, Bill. The Titans of minus three? You just cut out on me. Can anybody hear me?
Starting point is 02:12:21 They're getting three. Yeah, they're getting three. All right, so the Titans are laying three against the Browns. I'll tell you this. I don't me? They're getting three. Yeah, they're getting three. All right, so the Titans are laying three against the browns. I'll tell you this. No, no, they're getting three. They're getting three. I'll tell you this, like nobody gave many respect on on on Monday night against the fucking Steelers. The Sean Watson was throwing some great balls. He was throwing some fucking great balls. He was moving around the turn around the ball a lot. They obviously lost Nick Chubb which is fucking brutal but they're gonna get what's his face is coming back the guy was blocking on Plants there in the fucking hotel room there.
Starting point is 02:12:53 Karima. I'm taking the Titans I think they're a good goddamn organization and I don't know I'm sick of fucking betting on the Browns until they get this shit together they fucked me again on Monday night so I'm a little jilted jilted lover here I'm taking of fucking betting on the Browns until they get this shit together. They fucked me again on Monday night. So I'm a little jilted jilted lover here I'm taking the Titans getting three against the Browns in Cleveland Nice, I like that. That's a good pick All right, here we go. We got two. Oh, man. This is not stupid. This is I mean this one may be lose some sleep This is the one where you this one maybe lose some sleep.
Starting point is 02:13:26 This is the one where you look, you stare down yourself in the mirror after O and four and you go, we've got to get back up on his horse. I like you, pick so far, what do you, so far, Paul? What do you got? The O and two chargers are going to the O and two Vikings. Okay, the O and two chargers are going to the O and two Vikings in Minnesota and the line is basically a pick them. It is a one point spread for the chargers.
Starting point is 02:13:53 So Vikings getting one at home, whoever goes down, it is, I mean, this is tough. Here's the deal. I'm gonna do something I didn't think I would do. I'm gonna take the Minnesota Vikings at home. Wow. Against the Chargers, Justin Jefferson is the best wide receiver Jake. Why are you shaking here? You don't like it? No, I'm just a fan. Oh, you're a fan of the like.
Starting point is 02:14:21 Sorry. I can sorry. Look, it's a pick him. It's a one point game. I think we ever see it would be home with this one point spread when the game as much as like the chargers, dude, I think the Vikings at home with the with the talent they got. And the charger should have won that game last week. I mean, they they are gonna be pissed. Oh, it's like them so bad. I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a Minnesota watch. This is the year. This is the week the charger's turning around. I got the Minnesota Vikings at home getting one point with their season on the line in front of their fans. All right, I like that. You know, Paul, every other game I like, if the spread is just to God damn big, you know, I hate that 49ers game tonight. Giant's fucking what? Four days
Starting point is 02:15:25 rest, 49ers, a couple days rest there. Fucking 10 and a half from state away from that. That cowboy stain, the cowboys looked incredible. I'm buying into them now. I thought the 40 to nothing thing was that was just some week one bullshit or whatever, but like that they are a serious real deal team with the coach and all of that but that spread 12 and a half I don't like that so Paul um the next closest game that's really catching my freckled eye um Eagles minus five and a half first Baker Mayfield Jalen Hertz he's got that number one receiver plus that Deandre Smith kid you know with the Chris Tucker voice he's fucking hilarious he's like that number one receiver plus that DeAndre Smith kid, you know, with the Chris Tucker voice
Starting point is 02:16:05 He's fucking hilarious. He's like a six foot. He's got a little fucking Randy Mossism's in him Um, I just think that they got too much on defense on our offense. I know that's a lot of points But I feel like Tampa's been playing a little above what everybody thought I think they come down to earth this week make I think the Eagles put a hurt on them and established themselves, you know, with a nice little showdown coming in who's gonna be better in the NFC, why East there, the Cowboys and the Eagles. I like it. I think they just have too much, the Eagles, man. They got like top tier explosive fucking speed.
Starting point is 02:16:41 And I don't know, I just don't think that, I don't think Tampa's defense is to be up for it. So I'm taking the Eagles minus five and a half going into Tampa, going in E-Board City on top of splitters and the improv down there and walking away with some strippers. Talk about two of the best wide receivers in football on the same team with AJ Brown and Davante Smith. That's ridiculous. I love that. This is the laundry at the Vante. Oh, sorry, Tavante Smith. I can't get any of these fucking, these new school fucking names, Paul.
Starting point is 02:17:11 I, you know, all right, I got another one that I didn't take on. Dude, why do I have names now who have more syllables than Italian guy last names? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 02:17:23 Okay. Yeah, when I was a kid it was like Heywood Leon. They were they were they were more see a white guy can get it fucking this this dislike Deandre Deandre so this like fucking 47 offshoots to that fucking now I'm never gonna get it straight. It's like the NHL once the fucking Russians got in. I can't I can't pertinent I can't pronounce a fucking defenseman's name anymore those finish guy Some guy from Helsinki he can have a 20 year career in the NHL. I'm going by his nickname Yeah, there is so true. There and there's so many Devon Tays the Devon Tays Smith Devon What's his name on the Devon Tay Adams that wide receiver? Oh This this this a little bit. lot of like whatever there's something Smith
Starting point is 02:18:13 No disrespect. I'm fucking old all right that that fucking take can play Speaking of something Smith that'll lead me into this next pick. I'm picking a team that I rarely pick I'm gonna take the Seattle Seahawks at home minus six against the Carolina Panthers. Carolina's got a rookie quarterback from Alabama. He looks like he's going to be good and he's calm kid. But I just think sneaky Pete at home with, you know, sneaky Pete at home. They're one in one. They need to win.
Starting point is 02:18:42 Gino Smith is showing that he's definitely more than just game manager. And I love that it's minus six and not seven on a Wednesday afternoon. So I'm going to take, I'm going to take the Seattle Seahawks minus six at home against a young Carolina Panthers team. I like that, Victor. And I hope Gino Smith, you know, you know, last week he was just you know as a kid say he's ballin out like I don't he that's one of his best games as a pro and I really like that guy and I hope that's more to come I hope they're going in that direction that that just wasn't you know a fluke or whatever a good week because everybody's always shittin on that guy and I think
Starting point is 02:19:22 he's a fucking solid dude on and off the field. All right Paul and with that the end there's a reason I wore the jacket Paul. There's a reason I wore the jacket. I'm taking my new England Patriots. My new England Patriots Paul. Lay in three. Going down to the giant's house that the jets rent. All right I fucking watched that kid Zach Wilson cannot throw to the Giants house that the Jets rent. All right, I fucking watched that kid Zach Wilson cannot throw to the back shoulder.
Starting point is 02:19:49 Okay, his receivers were open a couple of times against it, then my glass is a crooked, just like my fucking personality. My fucking, I just, I'm telling you, I like the pets. We're gonna get our first win. Our defense is ranked like fourth, the fifth and the league. Nobody's talking about that.
Starting point is 02:20:06 I think the offense finally steps up and starts playing at Bill Bellet check level football. I kind of like, you know, Ezekiel Elliott hasn't done anything quite yet. I think he does. I hope he's going to be our Corey Dellen like back in the day, you know, when everybody thought Corey Dellen was done on the Bengals. We brought him in. Big gang Corey Dellen. back in the day, you know, when everybody thought Corey Dellen was done on the Bengals we brought him in big gang Corey Dellen great Announce great analogy. Thank you. Yeah, I was I feel like I'm gonna shut the fuck up. All right, that's it. The glass. No, no, no, no, that was a rent. That was good. Bill, it's actually the line moved on that so good news the jets are only getting to a half So feel good. Oh, well, yeah, I Think it changed the minute you put the sunglasses on I think it changed the minute you put the sunglasses
Starting point is 02:20:52 I don't know I don't think maybe there's a correlation Andrew you know Vegas knows I can move on with how I dress I can fucking make it go One way of the other all right Paulie Jake can you do me a favor here? Can you tell me the two my god? He's phoned in a friend. No, Jake, can you tell me the two teams that the Falcons
Starting point is 02:21:14 beat in week one and two? Uh, Carolina and Green Bay. Okay. That just that just affirms what I'm thinking here because look, I do love. I do love the two and no dolphins playing the O and two Broncos. And you know what else? And I do like the saints over the Packers in green Bay. But you know what I like more than that. Saints offense, too. You know, sucking the red song. All right. Let me finish. I gave you
Starting point is 02:21:41 your fucking, you put your glasses on. I'm trying to help you out. Yeah. All right. I'm not going there. You didn't let me finish. I gave you your fucking you put your glasses on. I'm trying to help you out here. All right I'm not going there. You didn't let me finish. I had a nice little fucking Crescendo. You don't work. They call for you right. I'm sorry. Wait. Was it a crescendo? Is a crescendo that the right? I don't fuck anyway. Look yes, yes But you made the rowing the boat motion so that you are rowing to your answer. No, no, I went like this anyway I got to see it. I got to see it. I got to see it. So this is a sleep at night bet.
Starting point is 02:22:08 I'm taking. I'm taking. I got to do it. I'm taking the lions at home. 3 and a half against the fucking shoe. I thought you were going foul. Dude, what the fuck is we talk about the Falcons? Be good.
Starting point is 02:22:27 Who's that kid that got it running back? Yeah, but who'd they play? Dude, they played Carolina. They played, they played two rookie quarterbacks. They played two rookie quarterbacks. At the point. But comparing that kid to Lydany and Tomlinson, and they were doing like some little comparisons
Starting point is 02:22:42 with their videos on the, the new lineup of inside the NFL. That's going to be my go to the Lions have a sick defense man. And if if any team can stop a run, it's the Lions. The Lions lost a heartbreaker and overtime at home after the big fucking feeling good about Kansas City win on opening night. I think the Lions put it on the Falcons. I actually can we do one thing first before you fucking put a stamp on that? Can we bring up a picture of the Falcons head coach? You got to see this guy pull. The second I saw him, I was like, I fucking love this guy and I love the Falcons. Like I'm watching him this week this guy and I love the falcons
Starting point is 02:23:31 Like I'm watching them this week on YouTube if I can figure out how to do does there anything fucking harder than trying to get that fucking thing to work Oh, yeah, I'm sure where you are in your phone. You got to go into your fucking settings. Yeah, I'll drop I'll drop a picture in Post as they say but for call on tents and purposes. Yeah. Can you zoom in on that stash? Is that that? He looks like an in shape club soda Kenny. Yeah, it looks like Kenny's cousin. Dude, I don't know what it is about that dude that stash in that face, but I fucking believe in that guy. I'll be honest with you. That picture that picture that's what I'm talking honest with you, that picture, that picture. That's what I'm talking about. Dude, that guy looks like a fucking loser.
Starting point is 02:24:10 I don't mean in life, I mean like in football. That made me want the lions more. I got the lion. But anytime I'm guys doing this. Come on, dude, that's the fucking picture. I mean, it's just defense probably. It's something stupid there. I'm telling you Paul, you's the fucking picture. I mean it's just defense probably did something stupid there I'm telling you Paul you got a man in action Andrew put up Dan Campbell put up Dan Campbell's picture Well, I knew with his head on with his hands on top of his head. That was a bad picture man. I come on
Starting point is 02:24:38 Paul if I did all of my picks like this you would think I didn't know what I was talking about like this you would think I didn't know what I was talking about. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha your head you are that guy but you're more the falcon's coach. I'm gonna do a third show. There's a midnight. I don't know man that guy I'm telling you the Lions coach looks like he still has time to work out that other guys eat wings until four in the fucking morning and don't and donuts looking at fucking game film Look I'm sticking to it lions minus three and a half. They're gonna put it on the Falcons this week All right Paul keep your headset on all right. I don't need to get all set with me here Hold on a second Andrew. So I got let me just re I got the bangles Yeah, I'll read my down. Yeah, you got the bangles
Starting point is 02:25:56 minus two and a half the Vikings plus one the C-hawks minus six and the Lions minus three and a half. I like Paulie's picks. You know what Paul when you line them all up? When you line them all up Paul, I think I'm going to sleep better. Hey, did I, did I tell that joke I said that I said the knee last week when she was complains her time in a month. She was complaining about cramps. And I'd watch her football all day. No, that's so fun. Because I got, I got, I got to sit on it. I got cramps really bad. I go, Neat, you got your period. You don't have a separated shoulder.
Starting point is 02:26:29 I wish that was on the podcast. She cursed me out so bad. I started laughing and she started laughing and that's why I married her. How many women can take that joke? Come on. I mean, that's a tough one. That's great. I mean, she's the best. She fucking, she, she, she amaze, she goes fuck you and I just started laughing and then she immediately laughed. And then it was it, Paul.
Starting point is 02:26:51 You just show her a video and Nick Chubbs leg dude, Nick Chubb dude. God be with that. That was one of the worst hits leg wise. I've seen him. Man, here in that dude screaming and pain was fucking brutal, man. That's a kid on Miami. You ended up signing with the, the bills and that great career too. Oh, oh, Willie McGinett. No, Willie McGay. Yeah, Willie's McGay.
Starting point is 02:27:13 Willie's McGay, he had a good career with the bills and he also played for the patrons, but he also played for the Ravens. Yeah, no, he had a great career and And his whole age was in a rage and again. On draft day, kicked up the phone and called him and acted like teams were talking to him. And they got him in there. One of the great fucking moves at all time. And his scummy as the owner's probably thought that was. He did him all the favor because that guy was fucking great.
Starting point is 02:27:40 So. I'm going to read down real quick Be to the fucking Aaron Rogers and Nick chub to the fucking most entertaining guys out there. I was loving him on the Browns I love the Browns, so he's much as a fucking annoy me. That's why I'm betting against them this week fucking guns I read I'm gonna read read down bills picture real quick just for the record. I know what I got I got the past minus for the list of three Ravens minus seven and a half Titans minus three Eagles minus five and a half Patriots getting two and a half. And we got two games for the one day night, especially you can choose from Eagles at bucks. Bucks are getting five and a half bill already picked. Slow down. So I'm minus having what with the Ravens. I'm plus 2.5 with the Pats.
Starting point is 02:28:25 Mine is 5.5 with the Eagles. It's 10 to plus 3. Yeah. 10 to plus 3, but the Patriots are getting 2.5. They are. Yeah. Oh my god. I'm getting sucked in.
Starting point is 02:28:37 Oh, I feel good about that. I feel good about that. All right, Paul. That's a lock, dude. That's a, all right, builds time for you to sing. But, oh, let them Monday night special. Win some money for you. Let them Monday night special. Win some motherfucking money for you. We almost had it last week.
Starting point is 02:28:59 Literally, they were right down at the goal line when that off the injury happened. And we had Nick Chobb to score a touchdown. Wait, can I just say something? People that listen to the show actually write in and go, I, listening to Bill's signal Monday night special is one of my favorite things. Seriously, we were looking good in the first two, but are we going to do the Eagles and Bucks or are we going to do the Bengals and, uh, bike? I mean, uh, Bengals and chargers.
Starting point is 02:29:24 I don't want, I'm going to stay away. Oh, sorry, Bengals and uh, like, I mean, uh, Bengals and Chargers. I don't want, I'm gonna stay away. I'm sorry. Bengals and Rams, Bengals and Rams. I want to stay away from the Bengals and Rams because it's only Wednesday and I don't have no idea. Would Joe borrow was that? All right. Christ, what do you got a herm going on over there? Every time I hear it, it's you got a different broad.
Starting point is 02:29:42 You got broads going, you can't, you can't have it. Jake, we can't have it. He got a different broad. You got broads go. You can't have it Jake we can't have it Sorry, Dr. Dre over here. I thought they wouldn't go through Jesus Christ All right A bunch of women going up to Jake with lines. Hey dude the change he's got it he's got a fucking chaggot number now he's one of the client is fucking don's that ever ran a casino they
Starting point is 02:30:10 get the perfect unison on a sum and and all of a sudden he gets on our podcast and they said they're gonna tear down the trop and fucking Vegas i don't think that that's a coincidence he's like fucking remo in casina no one had a home it That's a coincidence. He's like fucking Rimo and Casino. Nobody had Oklahoma. Oklahoma, nobody had Oklahoma. He's gonna be hunting his own talk show by the end of the fucking
Starting point is 02:30:33 meeting. Because he's making us a lot of money. And we want him to continue to make us a lot of money. All right. Eagles books. So Eagles, but Eagles books is what we want. What do you think Bill? AJ Brown or you want to go with your boy?
Starting point is 02:30:54 You mentioned your boy, Devon, Deon, what's his name? Smith. And now I fuck you up. Well, it's not Deon Dre. It's Devon Te. Devon Te Smith. My apologies. You can't expect the way that you say it. Well, it's not DeAndre. It's Devante. Devante. Devante Smith. My apologies.
Starting point is 02:31:08 You can't expect the white guy to assert you to get the Deandre's and Devante's. I mean, you know, I fucking white-tey. I'm too fucking white-tey over here. Bill, you think you're training camp, he goes, all right, we need all the Devante's on the right and Deandre's on the left. And then the field goal kickers.
Starting point is 02:31:25 Get all the billies and Bobby's over there. They don't even name white guys billin' Bob anymore. I have like a fucking, my name's gonna be like Ebenezer if I live long enough. Oh fuck. Okay. Alright, I'm going, I like the Eagles. I like the Eagles. I like the Eagles I like Jalen Hertz is gonna throw one
Starting point is 02:31:48 He's got too many weapons there even if they take away that the number one option they got out and they got enough They got a 1.5 option Mr. Smith I'll call them that Mr. Smith goes to Tampa call Catch one deep over a fucking cornerback. So that's my first thing. Um, then there you go. No, there you go. You just said it.
Starting point is 02:32:12 We get the, uh, we could take the, the Eagles with the spread. What's his name to throw one and what's his name to catch one, right? Jalen Hertz and Devante. What, like, who's the number one receiver? AJ Brown. I think AJ. Let's go with AJ. I like AJ.
Starting point is 02:32:32 I think AJ gets one. AJ Brown gets. Yeah, and then the government and they cover the fucking spread. I love it. I like that. We went to serve. We didn't try to get cute this week. Be small. We didn't try to throw it. Get a fucking interception. And listen, our picks are in. But let's just
Starting point is 02:32:52 take two minutes, two minutes here to talk about this other game, these games at the big lines. The two big lines are obviously nobody's believing in the bears. But I would, I'm curious and I know people think I'm nuts. The giant tech coach just says, say, Quand's actually a lot better. He might be playing on Thursday. I'm wondering if the 10 points with the giants is like everybody thinks a giant's are going to get blown out and they're coming off that wind and everyone's like, oh, you know, but it was against Arizona.
Starting point is 02:33:19 I don't know. Do 10 points is a lot in the NFL. What do you think about that? You think the giants are going to lose by more than that? I would stay away from the giants. I don't know what the, 10 points is a lot in the NFL. What do you think about that? You think the giants are gonna lose by more than that? I would stay away from the giants. I don't know what the fuck they're gonna do. Other than go, I mean, are you impressed after two weeks, Paul? I've never seen anything like that you can't trust them.
Starting point is 02:33:37 They're just like, you let up almost fucking a hundred points and two goddamn games. And you came back against the Cardinals but you know the Cardinals stay. Now you're going up against you know one of the best teams in the the NFL. You know 10 points is a lot. I always feel like on those fucking games they actually stay start covering and then they take their foot off the gas and you get the backdoor cover. I hate that fucking game. Yeah. I hate that game. I would stay away from that game, Paul. Like I would stay away from a fucking, I don't know, the fucking hooker. Well, Bill is Bill is 500 right now at even. And Paul is super bowl. I'd stay with Nick. I'd stay away from a hooker, Raptor Super Bowl weekend.
Starting point is 02:34:19 How about that? You don't know what's flying around down there. All right, I mean, in case you, what, what if you won big money? Paul, what if the one she didn't bet with your heart? Last week you bet on the Raiders because they had an Italian under center and you knew, you went against your fucking gut Paul. You had a good team coming off the loss, going at home and all you saw was a fucking big bull, a goddamn ZD, and you jumped all over it. I mean, he's a good-looking Italian kid.
Starting point is 02:34:50 What do you want me to tell it? What, you gonna lay up? It was a football game, Paul. It wasn't a Bronx talent. I got fucking Tony C. Tony C. I got what the fucking points. All right, here's an NFL trivia question. Who was the last bad ass Italian wide receiver in the NFL?
Starting point is 02:35:12 Because the only one I could think of wasn't even a receiver. It was Mark Bavaro who was the first name I thought of. He was a tight end though. He was a tight end. There was no, I don't know any Italians that just ran fucking post. You guys can't lay off the bread. You can't make weight at the fucking wide receiver. You know, you have to after 25, you're going to be a tight end or coming on blocking downs. Yeah. Like Bartolucci just ran a five, two, four, three. We got to cut them. Let's see Sarah Gusa, Resta's soul. Resta's soul. Yeah. On a tight uniform with the uh... the vowels well the bosa brothers
Starting point is 02:35:47 nick and joey bosa are there but they're they're defensive their animals but they're defensive ends all do come on do those those those those that that's met a tyrannian italian i'm talking american italian those guys got they look like they're sipping a cappuccino after they kick your fucking ass out there do not love the poster brothers.
Starting point is 02:36:05 Oh, dude, they're, they're fucking hilarious, dude. Hey, fuck right. And fuck the fucking poster brothers. Oh, a carinos cockroaches. Guys, what the hell was I just going to say? Oh, dude, how about the nicks getting that shooter?
Starting point is 02:36:21 Talk about a fucking baller whose Italian Dante, Devin Chenzone is on the nicks. Kids are shooter. I mean, here's the thing. He's Italian with red hair. He's an Italian red hair kid. Kid shoots the lights out one two national championships with Villanova. Oh, man, he sounds like a. So I'm feeling Paul had a kid. Action to make. I did you hear what Andrew said? What do you say? It's like Bill and Paul had a kid actually make He would understand what he said. It's like bill
Starting point is 02:36:53 Well, I'm baby made it to the next I'll be honest with you man. This only draft I'll be honest with you man. This way. They only draft. They only draft it because the new Paul is gonna buy enough jerseys to pay make payroll they got an Italian kid. Oh, dude, I'll be out and little Italy passing off a back of a truck. Who wants the deep in-chancell got a $50 I got $50 off.
Starting point is 02:37:19 Oh, dude. You still see me body Kelly's calling me. Oh, dude, this was a fun one. This is one of the funniest ones ever. I hope everybody enjoyed, uh, enjoyed our picks. Bill, you know, Bill's picture on my picks Monday night special. Jalen hurts to throw one. AJ Brown to catch one. Philadelphia Eagles to cover over the Tampa Bay Bucks with that line is five Andrew. And you know what the best thing about this game is going to be Paul. It's the best part about that game is it's in Tampa. It's not in a lot of the family. So I don't have to fucking listen to him once again. Tell me how to order a fucking Philly, she's state fucking sandwich. Yeah. Uh, most of the money's actually going to the bucks right now,
Starting point is 02:38:11 as far as today goes. 63% of all the money is on the bucks, which is actually, you know, it's good to go against the grain. I wouldn't beat. Listen, I wouldn't be in that stadium if I was performing in Tampa and you gave me tickets. I would not go because when you get, when you get those Philly fans that are getting riled up against those like low key easy going Florida fans who got pirate hats and fucking Slurpees. And then you get some Philadelphia. If you think that is not going to go. Yeah, come on with Jimmy Buffett vibes.
Starting point is 02:38:43 Yeah. Um, all right. there you guys have it. This has been NFL picks week number three. Please remember guys to go and if you want to have fun with us and bet with us, go download the bed MGM app put in as little as $10, at least $10. And you will get $200 to play with regardless of what your initial bet wins or loses and just bet responsibly download the bed MGM app use code burr 200 that's B you are our 200 for all of these promotions. If you want to go to their survival pool, it's still available. You can't get
Starting point is 02:39:18 the grand prize if you get in week three because you didn't get in at the beginning, but there'll still be prizes and you could get in pick a team. And if the team doesn't get eliminated, you go all the way down on the line and, yeah, use, use code, uh, burr 200 and also, um, Andrew, there's an icon on the, on the site for our Monday night special. You'll see, uh, you'll see, yeah, you'll see. Yeah, you'll get a bit of, you click, yep, go to a bit of jam click NFL at the top. You'll see the anything better. a lot of people have been taken
Starting point is 02:39:46 We'll have a convincing victory against an unconvincing team in the New York Jets this week. I'm telling you you can take that to the bank Paul. I love that pick and that's it bet responsibly click mine and bills pretty face on the thing and get involved in our Monday night special. Enjoy and we will be back next week. Have fun. Don't bet like a jerk off. Have a good time. All right. Dream responsibly. All right.

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