Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-23-21

Episode Date: September 23, 2021

Bill rambles about gym showers, Live at MSG, and The Temptations.

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It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and just checking it on you. Just checking it on you, seeing how your week's going. Seeing how it's fucking going. Both my kids got sick

and my wife got sick and I was just, you know, you know, doing all the fucking vitamins and all of that shit. Trying not to get sick. We all got tested. It wasn't fucking COVID. The usual shit, right?

So, um, you know, I was laying down in the bed and my daughter came in and we were playing around or whatever and she was coughing all over me. So then yesterday I woke up and I was like, ah, shit, right? So I canceled everything.

The new me. The new me. I used to just, if I just would continue, I would, I would fucking go to the gym. I'd fucking, you know, do what you do at the gym. You know what I mean? Live a double life.

Meet some guy in the shower. You ever hear those stories? People working at gyms or they come in. There's a fucking married guy jerking some other guy off. Jesus, do you think you got fucking problems? Are you jerking off some guy in a gym?

Cause you're secretly fucking gay and you're actually going home to a wife and kids. I mean, that's damn, that's a fucking situation. For the life of me, I will never understand I will never understand why human beings won't let other human beings be who the fuck

they are as long as they're not hurting anybody. Just don't understand it. The fact that someone has to live a fucking life like that. Jesus, to the point that somebody then has to fucking walk in on that. You know, all they're trying to do is get their certificate to be a personal trainer.

Next thing you know, they fucking walk in on some gay port. I mean, that's just, you know, he didn't sign up for that. Um, anyway, I used to just plow through my day. Plow through my fuck. Yeah, people, by the way, just let people do what the fuck they want to do. All right, as long as they're not hurting you, just fucking relax.

There's a lot of, you know, just morons out there. This is how I live my life, so you should live it that way too. I don't, I'm not like you. Jesus doesn't like you as much as he likes me then. Jesus likes me best.

The Son of the God made everything and just let it run a wild. It's never come back to check in to see how the fuck we're doing. The Son of that guy lacks me better than you. Jesus lacks me better.

Cause I got a bass boat and I'm white. Um, all right. So I fucking stayed in bed. I tried to stay in bed, but I have a fucking, you know, I have a wife. So, you know, they don't let you do that shit.

You never realize how much of a fucking butler you are in your own house until you're trying, until you're sick. You know? Dude, your wife doesn't give a fuck. If they're sick or whatever, you gotta fucking do it. I'm fucking, I go, look, I'm feeling it coming on. I'm trying to fight it off.

I canceled my show tonight. I feel like if I just lay down, I take this. I drink a bunch of water. I can fight this fucking thing off, which is what I did. Listen to me. Listen how fucking strong I sound today. Woo! I'm staying there in bed. God for fucking bed. God for fucking bed.

I lay down. You know? And fucking chill out. I'm fucking chilling out. My lovely wife, I love her to death, right? She calls me up. I'm like, hello? Laying in bed. She goes, hi, I'm coming up. I'm coming down the street.

I got, you got your son in the car and some bags. You come outside and help. And I wanted to be like, well, didn't I tell you that I was sick in bed and I'm trying not to get sick? Then you know what they do. Then they make, you know, I already told that she knew that that's what I was doing.

But then if I say that in that moment, you know what reaction you get? You get, oh, okay. Fine. I was just asking. And then they hit it back over to you. Now it's on your side of the network. You know? Now it's over to you.

Now it's on your side of the net. The fact you're sick and you need to fucking rest is somehow you're doing something wrong. So I didn't say anything. I gave her a passive aggressive. I said yes, but I said it angrily. Can you come downstairs, help with the packages? I was like, yeah.

It's not like I'm not up here fucking trying not to get sick or anything. Just out of curiosity, how did you get my son? Just out of curiosity, how did you get my son and the packages in the car to begin with? Are you low on battery life?

The amount of fucking times I pull into the driveway with one of both the kids in fucking packages, I just make two trips. Right? My wife isn't even sick. Do I get credit for that? Fuck no. Do I get any extra stamps down at the video store so I can

send of a woman for fucking $1.99 a day back in the day at the old blockbuster? No, I do not. I don't get any credit. I got nothing. You know what? My wife's a hot shit, so I'm going to give her shit about that. I'm going to go down to one of these fucking antique stores

and I'm going to buy one of those old-fashioned bells. Isn't that what those fucking broads used to do? They would ring a bell and then the fucking guy would come up the stairs and meows. The old Bugs Bunny cartoons. Yes, ma'am. What is it that you

totally have the physical capability of doing yourself, but you'd rather have me do it because you don't want to leave the bedroom? What is it that you would like me to do? Fucking crushed it this morning. I woke up, I do, I do, I do, and I felt much better. I came downstairs. I made everybody breakfast.

Everybody. Bing, bang, boom. I did my daughter's hair before school. All right, combed it out, partied it down the middle. Got the two ponytails, crushed that, came back, did all the fucking dishes,

wiped down the counter, did all of that shit, all of that shit. Did I get it at a boy? Fuck no. Oh, it's a brilliant strategy because then if you bring it up, why did this, this, this, and this?

I know and I appreciate that. Why are you yelling? Well, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Why don't you put your button on your podcast and go right back to doing what the fuck you were doing anyway? So,

yeah, I'm psyched. I'm back in the gym and I'm still eating like a pregnant woman though. I got to knock that out. You know, last night I had a great time. My wife had a friend over and we would watch it. Survivor and shit, we had a good time doing that.

But I, you know, like the dinner was good, but she bought some sweets and shit and I just sat there like a fucking crack head. Just munching down these molasses, seas, candies, things and I just was like, what am I doing?

In the end, I like, I haven't felt that sick since like Halloween when I was a kid. Like, why am I doing this to myself? And I realized it's like, you know what I do because you're fucking stressed because you've been working a lot and you need some days off and you really don't have any coming up.

So rather than rearrange your schedule so it's more healthier, what you do is you sit down and watch a reality show and shove half a box of candy on your throat. This makes it better. Stupid. Then what you do, you wake up the next morning

the first thing you do is you rub your stomach and you're just like, oh Jesus Christ, what did I do? You know, if I don't eat until Friday, maybe I can undo what the fuck I just did. No, I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to the gym.

I watched a little bit of the, oh, I got through the last season season four of The Untouchables which then immediately went right back around Heroes and Icons channel. Goes right back around to the pilot episode,

episode one, two, three and four. So it was episode 29 and 30 of the fourth season. Oh dude, you used to see this one they have in the fourth season, the giant killer. Hollywood had such a prejudice about like, you know what, they've done like a zillion things about like women

and people of color and all of that. But like, I don't think there's enough out there about just their sort of two minute minor prejudices rather than their game as conduct ones. They had a prejudice against really tall people, like just in general

society did. They just thought they were big, dumb, stupid fucking people, right? So this guy is playing, he's a great actor, he's playing this giant, you know bodyguard for his boss and his boss gets shot he's trying to find out

who did it and he just fucking manhandles this woman. Like, it's very Frankenstein like part the way they wrote it. Well, in the end his boss gets dies and this guy he's like in this warehouse hideout and his boss dies and the giant freaks out and starts like literally beating

up the warehouse and he's just screaming, who's going to tell me what to do? Who's going to tell me what to do? Because he's really tall which means he's stupid and they just had him like childlike

and not understanding like his own strength. It was like fucking I was watching it going like because I know like back in the day, like if you worked out a lot the very beginning of bodybuilding

like people thought that you were dumb. There was all of that. People thought if you were an athlete you were dumb. There's still a lot of that too to this day, you know especially with like feminists when they talk about guys in sports they just make them all out to be

morons or they say rape culture there's nothing about all the great things about sports they kind of avoid that but you know that's what feminists do, right? When they talk about men it's like have we ever done anything good?

Anything at all that you like? Anything, this whole wide array of shit that we've done you know, you like that fucking bridge you wrote over this morning where the fucking people averaged six men died a day when they were building the fucking thing?

Huh? Alright there fucking hairy legs, why don't you why don't you relax, count your blessings every once in a while and then you can start nitpicking How about a fucking at a boy? Why can't feminists start their meetings like that? Okay, before we get started

you know, to all the men so you'll actually hear what we have to say we just want to say thanks for making most of the stuff before we start saying the things that women invented we could probably be mature enough to say by the way

thanks for most of the stuff because I can tell you right now if they made most of the stuff and we came back around going oh yeah you know, the coat hanger that was us, they'd be like oh who gives a fuck oh wait, I think men do that

I think we do that, I don't know you know, I really hate when I do that I was just checking to see how much time I'd done and I accidentally shut the fucking thing off now I gotta I have to splice two of them together which basically means all I have to do is just to hit two extra

keys on the keypad, so why would that upset me? why would that upset me? you know what is I wake up in the morning and there's a panic sometimes you know that panic your wife can have in her voice like do you have anything scheduled today?

like that's how you wake up she do you have to do your podcast? I do, why? what's the matter? I was just trying to figure out the day why did you come with that energy? you just gave me a little heart attack

I didn't come with any energy what are you talking about Jesus alright, let's get off this fucking subject how about those red socks everybody wrong song this week in baseball now if you go back in my podcast why would you? but if you did

you'd realize alright that Billy Redface called this when the Yankees were fucking couldn't lose and the red socks couldn't win the Yankees were all of a sudden in second place

the red socks were faded what did your favorite bald ginger what did he say back in fucking August? I said we're going to be there because we're not, we're playing the dregs of the league for the rest of the year we're playing the dregs of the league

and now look at us we're back into second place we're a half a game up on the Yankees the one game fucking playoff that baseball needs I'll tell you right now if most of the league isn't on steroids

the only thing that keeps people watching is a nice good old fashioned red socks Yankees playoff series so this is going to be great for baseball I'm hoping it's going to be a one game playoff because you know Chris Sayle

is only going to five innings this is supposed to be the rehab year which is when I'm excited because we weren't supposed to be in this position but you know playing the Yankees I want to win because I know those they're fucking stupid fans

they'll be like they don't even realize how far they've fallen it's just like we're injured this shit let me lose the next round yeah but we beat you guys and it's just like I thought

you guys only accepted a world series championship what happened to that stand I am in such a fucking cunty mood I need to go to CVS and buy a big box of fucking Kota why am I shitting on Yankee fans why am I anticipating

the red socks losing because I don't feel 100% I'm getting over this fucking cold and I want to go to the gym but I can't because then I'll get the fucking cold but then maybe the guy who comes to the gym with half a fucking cold well I am wearing a mask

you know this is one person at the gym I see right she gets on the treadmill or the elliptical and she has her mask and then what she does is she has it on and then she folds it up over her mouth like nobody can tell that that's what she's doing

because she's looking at herself straight on in the mirror it looks like it's on and if you stand to the side you can clearly see what the fuck she's doing um anyway what are you going to do um

oh as announced I have a a double vinyl album this is just for comedy nerds this is where my act was one, two, three, four months before I recorded Paper Tiger

it has a double album one side of one album has material that never made it to Paper Tiger so there is some original stuff and then there's all my other jokes that you've heard from Paper Tiger

that are told in a different way I also believe there's a bit on there about women announcing football there's a number of bits on there that are not that didn't just didn't make the special so that said Amoeba Records is where I'm selling that exclusively

and I'm doing a signing there tonight so I will be down there which is another reason why I gotta make sure I wear a fucking mask here gotta make she gotta make sure you mask it up man so let me do uh let me

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now and totally murder your thirst by the way I finally saw that South Park that uh Sotu Sopa at Sotu Sopa now announcing the residencies at Sotu Sopa the thing on the on gentrification

um as always I watched that um with my lovely wife and she laughed her ass off from the beginning all the way to the end just

fucking was dying laughing um it was awesome man those South Park guys are the fucking best um maybe I'll do that but I'll watch another South Park with my wife

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all around the world the world the world the world I think it's places where you know food isn't so readily available like what does that advertising sound like there's so much food over there help not being fat yep that's how it is

alright by the way I went down a a music rabbit hole the other day because I was watching um fuck I was on a plane I was on the plane man

quest hang on a second quest documentary and I watched a quest love documentary called summer of soul and I saw this guy

come out and sing by himself and one more there's always three look at the light look at the light let's stare at it inhale nothing there it is alright

alright so this guy comes out and he starts singing Mike who the hell is this guy I've never seen this guy I've never heard of this guy this guy's really good turned out it was a man named David

David Ruffin who was the I want to say the original lead singer and the temptations the original five and um he evidently after a while he wanted it to be called

David Ruffin and the temptations because he saw it I'll just keep talking as I walk away from the microphone here basically because I'm not going to hit pause and fuck it up again and after fucking

edit nine goddamn things together listen to me would you ask me to come downstairs and get some fucking packages out of a car anyway what was I going to say yeah so I guess Diana Ross was in the Supremes then it became Diana Ross

and the Supremes and then he was all like well hey man I want to be David Ruffin and the temptations and you know because men solve their problem with violence I think the other four was like well there's four of us how about we beat the fuck out of you instead

and it's still called the temptations and he was like alright alright and then eventually he left see if those other two broads in the Supremes just slapped Diana around a little bit they would have just been called the Supremes that's my theory anyway um

so he ends up going solo and I downloaded uh one of his albums called Who I Am it's a fucking great album and then that caused me to see well what did these other guys do that were in the temptations where did they go

there was another guy there what the fuck was his name Eddie Lundegard Jerry Lundegard no that's the wrong one what the fuck is it artists songs keep on truckin

oh yeah Eddie Kendricks uh keep on truckin which ended up if you listen to the whole song is the sample for that lights camera action I'm sorry miss Jackson whatever fucking song

that is um it's the breakdown towards the end um I don't like that Eddie Kendricks as much like he sings in like that falsetto and it gets annoying really fast it's like it's nice if somebody else

is singing and then he comes in with the high pitched thing is a different sort of color in there but if when it's just him doing it the whole time it's just like Jesus Christ your voice is higher than the women singing behind you so anyway I've been listening to a bunch of

that stuff and there's some killer fucking drummers on there and on that David Ruffin one there was um just this really weird beat that was being played by this drummer because it still had like a Motown feel but it was also kind of like

that you know that high hat opening and closing that was done to death during the whole disco era it was sort of moving towards that because the album came out like 1976 right before the whole like disco explosion and you know I never realized

that night when they were the death to disco and all that the amount of white people that came down there that brought albums down that were not disco those people bringing Stevie Wonder albums down there and stuff it's weird it all started off with that guy making fun of the bg's

and all of a sudden became like a hate rally human beings man we're the fucking worst we really are the worst if we can fucking come up with a way we will invent ways that's another thing you know on this

this social media shit I just love the name calling and I don't mean like yeah go fuck yourself you dickhead or whatever I don't mean like just you know generic stuff like I like with Covid it became like you're either on this

side or the other side so the people that are vaccinators I want to get vaccinators I am the vaccinator people who wants to get want people to be vaccinated they came up with like covidiates and spread necks and all of that shit and it's just like what are we fucking

five years old people like oh I love that I'm going to start saying that it's like okay and then like what is that going to do what is that going to do is it going to make the person on the other side like listen to what you have to say I actually saw this nurse

I was trying to listen to it because I woke up really because I fucking took Nyquil last night first alcohol I've had in a while fucking took one of those to the head was just out was fucking maybe that's why I'm in a fucked up mood

I ate like fucking three handfuls of fucking molasses based chocolate and then I took a shot at Nyquil and went to bed no wonder I got no one arguing with my wife this morning um oh sure Bill blame the ingredients not the fucking person maybe you're an asshole that probably

so anyway I woke up at like five in the morning and I saw this Instagram post of this nurse talking about how fucking exhausted she is from this never-ending

wave of people coming in who have like fucking COVID the level of selfishness of these fucking cunts it's this there's literally something out there that will prevent you from either getting it or at least make it to the point you don't have to go to the hospital and all of this shit

and she has to go in there to work with these fucking warrants I don't think that they should let people in anymore oh you got that shit oh yeah no we told you what to do you didn't do it sorry there's people with cancer

you know heart disease but then they tell you what to do not to get heart disease I don't know it's a tough thing it's a tough thing but uh my favorite thing is the person that like is trashing Hollywood

and celebrities like somehow like you know it's not doctors all around the world are telling you to get the vaccine it's Hollywood's doing it right and then they talk about you know celebrities and their poor behavior I know I've talked about this before but I just cannot get past

how they're gonna look at you know celebrities being douches but they're gonna ignore the person that slams a gallon of milk or a two liter bottle onto the ground because they're asked to wear a mask in a fucking convenience store and then my favorite thing they just walk out like uh who's supposed to clean that up I guess we clean up after you

after you have a fucking temper tantrum I mean too I'm not trying to divide people here but can we just look at that person because even if you're somebody who doesn't want to get vaccinated you don't do shit like that correct okay cool so now can we laugh at that person

like how much of a fucking baby are you what I mean I I'm telling you right now the vigilante fantasies I had about that I had I just wanted to be I wish I was strong enough I'm just a fucking old man

to just grab that person and clean up the milk with his clothes while he's still wearing them and just dragging the guy back and forth take him out ring him out in the dumpster and bring him back and just drag you know

um but whatever it's all working out because I feel like I can go back to work and just stand at the back of the stage and uh I'll just you know I guess I mean I can't say I'm gonna 100% not give a shit when you watch a nurse

going like I'm fucking exhausted I can't fucking do this shit anymore well then maybe you should get another fucking job think I'm not tired I've beaten covid three times thanks to you um alright that is the podcast

everybody uh before we get out of here we actually have a little bonus here uh me and paul versey with betmgm are picking NFL football games um and at this point we're both three in five

out of eight games that we've picked that's pretty pathetic we are both below 500 we are both on the hot seat um so when you listen this week you gotta be thinking alright

are they due to win or do you win by doing the opposite of what we do alright that's coming up next what's up everybody and welcome to the anything better week three NFL review remember guys if you haven't signed up yet

we've got a special offer for our listeners and you'll be able to make uh uh week three free that's right week three free sign up for the new betmgm account use bonus code

BRR can't be easier B U R R and you'll get $50 free bet just for signing up that's right we need to make a deposit to get in on the action guys alright now we gotta talk our picks paul yes so

we got to talk about what happened last week so me and bill seem to be after week two we are both three and five uh bill went one and three this week i went one and two which was basically what we uh two and two i went two and two you went one and three and that's basically the opposite

of what we did week one we're both sitting at three and five which is all i couldn't pick i asked at this point i like where we are bill i don't i like if i listeners bet the exact opposite paul if we're a manager of a baseball team right now

we're winning three out of every fucking eight games we're on the hot seat paul we're on the hot seat right now our wife's getting nervous we're gonna have to sell the house we're gonna say what happens why week two is so difficult

nobody knows who anybody is after week one and then everybody puts all this fucking shit on week one like oh that's who they are like my dumb ass oh my god the fucking saints destroyed you know fucking erin rogers and the packers

they're going into uh carolina they're gonna kill them they didn't even show up paul no so i want i want i want you to tell me paul you tell me after two weeks you tell me who the fuck those saints are the saints are a nine and seven team dude eight and eight

you know they're not the saints james winston man i hate to be a dick james winston's a decent quarterback the saints aren't gonna do shit dude you got you know i think paul versey says the saints will not come marching in this year no they're gonna be a decent team it'll be fun to watch five hundred maybe a little over

five hundred they're not going where they going where they going you know it's the bucks it's it's arizona where they going you know um yeah well listen dude i was stupid with the jets the patriots i should

have never even fucking touched that game who bets on the jets paul what what person and you live in new york so you you you you know who they are i thought i've known who they are which is hilarious i was hoping for uh for a miracle here you're a giants fan because of the jets

the jets are so bad the nfl gives you another option if you live in new york uh you think met life charges the jets more rent i'm the least they probably give them a break like a like a landlord with a heart during a

fucking pandemic i'm sorry about those first two weeks i will give you week three off that's hilarious a week four you gotta start paying again all right oh shit i watched that game dude like i gotta tell you something though that is one of the better

jet teams i've seen since rex ryan was coaching them where they were they got a great running back i thought their defense was solid they look good everywhere but at the qb position and that guy had a career bad day

um i don't think our defense was that fucking good but he's moved us up in the rankings paul we're a top 10 defense right now after two weeks the new england patriots i'll tell you what man mac jones i think you guys got another quarter back that's gonna be good i really do

i think don't shake some paul no no that running back but your mark sanchez fucking hex on him after two games no no i didn't i listened i haven't watched him enough to even say that but i think harris too that running back harris i listened to a long interview with that guy 37 the guy that

fucking took seven jets in the end zone with him that guy's fucking awesome you guys have a good team man you guys are yeah that was the mini uh that was the mini march on lynch yeah that was a fucking run dude that was a run but here we are at week three and this is where i need to

get 500 this is where i need this is where paul is gonna put it into fifth and fucking pass cars on the highway okay this is this is enough of this enough of this staying with traffic all right um uh i think i

think i bill you went first last week i think i go first this week good um i gotta make sure that i get the well you know what i'll give you the first one i'll give you the first one as i look all right taking this game because i'm gonna be there and that's what i'm doing too and i'm gonna bet on

a game you gotta have some juice on a fucking game but what what are we doing we just sit outside eating hot dogs right i'll tell you this me and the versey clan will be there both my kids my wife we're going to giants falcons and and it's elie manning

retirement speech bobblehead it's gonna be elie day and we just happened to buy by chance get those tickets giants are favored by three i truly believe the giants won twice last week and still fucking lost

they got fucked i like how janiel jones look daniel jones actually look pretty good with some time say quan had a decent run i'm taking my giants while i'm in the building with my family on elie manning day minus three against the falcons we get our first

win and the giants go one and two after next week that's my first pick and dammit i like that one oh i like that one i like that one because you haven't won yet have the falcons won yet i don't think so and they're you know they they try to handle the falcons

dude the falcons figure out ways to lose and until they stop doing that you got to keep your money away from them that's just my opinion alright paul i'm betting this game because i'm also going to it i'm taking the tampa bay buccaneers

with tom terrific who's working on a release now that's as fast as dan marino and his prime crazy given one point in los angeles at the new environmental disaster stadium

whatever the fuck they call it down who's at the chargers no the rams there was no reason to build that stadium paul there was nothing wrong with the la memorial coliseum there was nothing wrong little coat of paint here or there you know i mean

you're either a sports fan or you're not if they got to have like a fucking food cart sitting right next to your fat ass in the aisles you know did you see that giant dumb ass tv screen that they have i knew some idiots were going to build one bigger than what the cowboys built

you never do that you don't all these you don't look for you don't look at dallas for taste now it's bigger it's better you know morons these stadiums look like spaceships i will say though the one that the raiders built in los vegas

it just looks like a normal one but it's like shiny and black it looks kind of cool but like some of these are just like oh that one's super fancy too which is what the funniest thing is is then you have the humor of it is those animal raider fans next to a fucking sushi bar is hilarious

a guy dressed as darth vader getting a fucking spicy tuna rolls hilarious he's got to lift up the mask he's got the teardrop tattoo because he's killed somebody but actually if i had to live in texas so i think i would live dallas dallas

to houston if i lived in texas it would be dallas 100% yeah um houston's not quite there although it would be great to go to joel olstein's shows every week and hackle them hey i'll tell you where i wouldn't live in texas

austin okay fucking dump i would go there to hang out with joe rogan but i would not go down there i literally saw comedians on their phone at moon tower going yeah i walked around this is the most overrated shit i mean austin is

i've been to a lot of cities i'll tell you what top three worst ever as far as downtown dude i wouldn't go that far i just think that there's a lot of transience in there bringing it down i know a lot of great people that do live there and uh i love the texas longhorns the downtown area

is beautiful uh but it's just you know i you know i'm not hedging my bed on this one it stinks i'm too old for austin i like dallis dallis seems like he can be an adult there you can put on a sport coat and drive your pickup truck in that town

man this is my second pick and i i don't know it's a deal you gotta pick the city and shit out you gotta pick the team and then shit on the city i don't know man this is a tough one for me dude this is this is a tough one

the jacksonville jaguars are are haven't won a game but they've been playing all right they're at home they haven't won a game and they're getting seven and urban mire got asked in a press conference

where you out coached and boy the look on his face and the way he felt um trevor laurence through that nice pass i think he might be getting comfortable i'm gonna take the i'm gonna i can't believe this

dude because i love a favorite i can't fucking believe this but i'm gonna take the jags at home getting seven oh my god jordan is starting to pass the ball i'm gonna mercy is he's taking underdogs i'm gonna lose man no i'm taking the jackson

ville jaguars plus seven at home against the cardinals just want to see how they respond or if they're gonna just go oh and three i gotta see it you know the way you know the way when you're playing poker and you know you're like i gotta see the cards i gotta see it so i'm gonna take

i gotta say i love the arizona cardinals and um what's his face chandler jones who i always loved as a patriot's had five sacks the first fucking week didn't he didn't get a sack last week i imagine they were keying in on him but um

they got kyla murray i don't know paul i don't know i i but i would love to see arizona kill oh wait you know something though but urban mire he might be the next p carol you know where he was at some big flashy school that was skirting the fucking rules

then he slithers into the nfl that's doing well i shouldn't say slither that's fucking that's slanderous um anyway all right my next pick uh speaking of p carol man i fucking watch these guys every week i love

this i don't know what happened when i a few years ago when it was a you mad bro and all of that shit in beast mode i fucking hated the c l c hawks now i love them i love them they're fun russell wilson's my favorite fucking quarterback in the nfl

i love watching the guy play they're in minnesota they're given to none of that makes sense but i'm taking him anyways i'm going c l two favorites paul i i can't even see the angles anymore paul i'm at the pool table i'm scratching

on every shot i'm completely you have taken me completely out of my game this is a tricky week because going on three the percentage of making playoffs like this is the week that teams are like we can't go on three that's why week three is tricky but i

like that pic i like that pic gun to my head that's a good pic all right here we go is somebody injured on seattle i really should have looked that up why is it only fucking because i saw what's his face last week he looked like he got a poble and they're running back that was

it delvin cook all right dude that is though you was so fucking in that you didn't hear what i just said i can't believe i'm doing this that's what she said my favorite

my favorite my favorite team to watching the nfl this year is a bolton more ravens okay they're in detroit and they're laying nine and i'm gonna take the lions get nine at home you motherfucker that's a great

bit i was gonna take that one you son of a bitch okay so now where do i go where do i go from here paul well you know what we got going on here is we got a couple of uh we got a couple of interesting ones here yeah where you know i love a division rivalry

paul oh i know where he's going i see where he's looking and i always think the games are gonna be close you know what i thought i was going there but i realized it was in pittsburgh you know fuck this fuck this i'm gonna take joe burrow and the bangles going into pittsburgh

i think yeah i think they're gonna because it makes no sense right they lost last week the steelers i lost money on them those mother fuckers um big bends a little banged up although i think he plays better when he's banged up fuck

i hate this week paul i hate this week let me go hang on a second hang on a second go ahead take your time ah the raiders where's the raider game they're playing somebody i know they're playing over there with all those fucking lunatics

eating their sushi now where's the fucking raider game i got it on my list of picks here they're not playing monday night no they're playing the dolphins minus four and where are they vegas

oh fuck that the dolphins got smoked smoked by buffalo last week why is it only four points why do they always have to scare me paul i figured that would be seven points the vegas raiders are 2 and 0

i feel like a sucker right now they are 2 and 0 and they look good dude yeah in miami look like lackluster against buffalo and two have got hurt but he's gonna play but he got banged up bad got carted off

jesus christ yeah look at you trying to steer me into this bet you motherfucker oh no no no i'm just i know i know how you work i know how you fucking upstate new york people are um i'm also looking at the chargers getting

six and a half in kansas city i don't know i can't bet on the chargers i don't believe in them you know what okay alright alright fuck this i'm going joe burrow in the bangles joe burrow ba ba ba ba ba ba

i love joe burrow man i love joe burrow and he smokes sticks when he wins championships gotta love that guy second cigar do i take the jets getting ten and a half or do i take the tenancy titans laying five and a half

at home against the cults you know what i took one favorite and two dogs let's even it out with two favorites and two dogs i'm gonna take the tenancy titans laying five and a half at home against the indianapolis cults uh

derrick henry looks like a fucking the tank of old derrick did great coach that's a great pick dude i love that and they're home in nashville so there you go two favorites two dogs and there it is i got a favorite

given one what do i got i got i got seattle you got seattle you got the bangles and i got tamper you got tamper where is he going with number four where is he going people like a housewife trying to win on fucking the prices

right look at that monday night game dude i wanted no part of that though you know what fuck this i think i can't see anything this year paul it's too early dude we'll know i feel like james winston is the exact kind of quarterback

that bill bella check throughout his career has feasted upon okay he's got a little bit of experience but not with the saints even though he's been there but he hasn't been under center this is just we have a great fucking defense

god damn it great defense i know it's too it's weak too but we got a great defense okay we've had two good fucking games does that mean anything um you can't lay off the pads andrew he just he's like me with

or do i go the raiders do i go the raiders do i keep forgetting who the fuck they're playing the raiders playing the fucking so so and so the vegas because it says las vegas i go right by it the miami dolphins

four fucking why is it only four points paul why isn't it five and a half for six i'm gonna tell i'll tell you after because i don't want you to think i'm trying to push you a certain way no tell me give me some information i think the raiders are gonna be

six and oh seven and one i think they're the raiders are fucking no no i thought you knew something about the game i fucking i'm gonna take the raiders god damn it yeah you know it's about time that animal fucking fan base you know paul just when you didn't think the rate of fan base after being in los angeles

and an oak and oakland could have more animals in that fucking end zone they then move to las vegas i mean they are like commercial fishing mouth breathing morons into that stadium

i think it's gonna be loud i think it's gonna be hostile i think it's gonna be ignorant and dude they're scoring all kinds of points i think john gruden's got him going in the right direction i think the wheels are falling off in miami i'm going raiders

oh i love it andrew you got all this right nice dude i have a heart i have i have a soft spot in my heart for the raiders that's the first team i ever played for and i was a defensive back number 27 on the raiders pop with that young football shit it was i love the raiders i also you know

their fans are fucking fun i did a thing a long time ago where i did some man in the street stuff up there they're fucking hardcore you have to be hardcore if you're a raiders fan the way they've been playing for the less i don't know other than that john the first john how weird is it that john gruden is back 20 years he's like

gave kaplan right going back to his old fucking high school with the sweat white ox trying to make him winners again you have to watch his youtube mic'd up there's 13 minutes of him mic'd up throughout his whole career there's nobody funnier there's nobody funnier with refs there's nobody funnier with players in

practice he'll walk up and start talking about the the shit that has nothing to do with the games and then other games it's then about the game the best andrew i got a future bet for you i got a future bet for you dude i'll give it to you after week two i think matt stafford

the new quarterback of the rams finally has a fucking team and that kid is throwing darts all over the fucking field i'll take a fucking future bet he'll be mvp of the league i'll take that bet you're saying no or you like the bet

no i'll take it i'll take that action poll let's do it my way let's do it now you got the ball send it my way i'll take that fucking action all day long plus 1100 so that's that's five dollars to make 60 if you were to make that bet five will get you 60 who's the

top five by mvp mvp nfl award who's the top five for it can you be an mvp if you're not a quarterback it usually is a quarterback right no no some running backs can get it who larry zonka who's the last guy i want to fucking

mv i think ladanian thomason wanted i think there's been a ladanian thomason jesus christ that guy's in like a fucking old folks home at this point younger than me kind of gay he's probably like 43 but his body

as far as far as what types of people are making the highest ticket for nfl mvp kyler murray is 15 percent of all wages for nfl mvp this season second josh alan third matt stafford oh i like the kyler murray

josh alan debate which i believe steven a smith was having with somebody and it was so funny neither one would say i like a white quarterback and the other guy wouldn't say i like a black quarterback but they were saying everything but that it was hilarious

i like kyler murray but let's be honest josh alan you would take to be your french as quarterback any fucking day of the week that kid as far as line movement goes yeah but i would say this is my thing though with kyler murray as long as he doesn't get fucking hurt

i mean that guy is unbelievable he is but he runs around he's like a nat dude and if he doesn't get hurt yeah yeah that's what i'm saying but but you're not betting overall career you're betting early on we're betting this because my experience watching guys that run around eventually

eventually you get caught and you do and then they fuck you up and if you haven't developed as a pocket passer and they take away some of your speed it can get ugly you can start looking like me back there paul really quickly

who ran an 8 second 40 in the prime of his life it couldn't have been 8 seconds i think it was a 7 something dude it would definitely would have been 8 dude you would have been have to hold in your book bag if it was 8 alright guys well this i was paul you don't

understand how white i am i have those giant white guy calves like my calves are as big as my thighs i got a lot of drag when i'm coming down the way i think i was running in shell toes too my red head i was out in the sun i mean i just

had everything working against me oh dude irish kids in high school loved shell toes all my irish friends in high school they all rocked the shell toes shell toes the clatterings yeah you guys are listening to fucking house of pain and shit oh that was after that was

yeah house of pain that was big that was in the 90s but i was already too old to be at that party paul well there you guys go i don't know who you're rooting for if your team burr your team bursey were both 3 and 5 those are our picks for week 3 paul they should be team them

and at this point i mean they paul we gotta be honest here you know we gotta do our exit interviews here you know we didn't get it done last week no we didn't no and just just going 2 and 2 it's not something that i want to hang my head on you know there's been a big tradition out here

of me beating paul versey year after year uh two years relax i'll tell you what i'll tell you what man two years two years baker mayfield fucked me dude they should have won that game they needed one more field but i would have won that fuck me

oh you fucked yourself the second you walked up to the table to make you bet who you kidding you gonna blame it on that guy baker mayfield won last week i know baker mayfield has put the cleveland browns in the driver's seat

he brought them to the playoffs how did he fuck you paul would he go into your house and knock a picture off the wall no he should have he kicked another field goal to cover he didn't cover he won by 10 i needed him to win by 12 and a half he's not a field goal kicker the man throws and runs for touchdowns that's what he

does you know what i deserve 2 and 2 with the jets pick i deserve 2 and 2 i mean that's pretty generous yeah that's pretty generous to think that you only deserve 2 and 2 if you're gonna go right if you're gonna go around picking the jets and it's a rookie quarterback on the jets and it's a division

rival against the patriots and the i mean it's just it's just and you know what i'm seeing right now is i'm seeing the growth of you as a gambler you know at first i thought this guy's all over the map he's he's he's he's he's rudderless he doesn't know what he's doing he's just all

and i was like wait a minute rudder all is taking chances because he's trying to the same way you've grown as a comedian bill i lost trying to grow bill i lost the jimmy the greek title twice in a row i gotta change this franchise

alright you fucking i don't want to talk shit but you have lost every season that we've done this and i've won every season yeah we've done it twice but you've lost i know but you're making the listeners think we've done this for 11 years we've

done it twice paul we've done this over the course of 32 weeks and you and you could not pull the car out of the side of paul what i'm doing right now is getting people rooting for you paul he's the underdog

this year and he's taking underdogs i love it paul i love seeing the growth of you as a degenerate gambler hey you know what andrew you should ask if bet mgm could come up with odds on who's gonna win me or bill since he's the two-time champion vegas says bills

got this vegas says bills got this probably i would say 15 percent more chance than me according to vegas that'd be great if we made a bet like that did you freeze bill guys thanks so much this has been the week three

fl preview of the anything better podcast and remember guys if you haven't signed up yet we've got special offer just for our listeners okay you'll be able to make week three bets for free sign up for a new bet mgm account

and use bonus code ber that's b u r r you'll get a $50 free bet just for signing up that's right you don't even need to make a deposit to get in on the action if you haven't signed up for a bet mgm yet use a bonus code

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there you go that responsible all right everybody that's the thursday afternoon just before friday monday morning podcast and please enjoy the little interlude music and after this after that there'll be a bonus episode of the thursday afternoon just before friday morning podcast

where we play an episode that was uh i don't know from a year or two ago and uh hopefully gives you some extra laughs all right that's it go fuck yourselves have a great weekend you cunts hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's the monday morning podcast from monday fucking monday

uh september 23rd 2013 what's going on what's going on dude what's up see the fucking pats you know you didn't think they were that good you're fucking 3 and 0 now now what they didn't think so didn't think so

um more on that later i am back in the continental united states i just did two wonderful shows up in uh toronto ontario it's the first time i've been up to uh canada

in a while had a great time and uh right before that i was in pittsburgh had a lovely time there thanks to all the guys at uh dve randy bowman uh bill crawford opening it up killing killing killing at the

the heinshall and then before that i was down there at uh in west virginia another beautiful state that everybody shits all over i'm telling you i'm gonna retire in one of those fucking states that is my game plan

game plan is i'm gonna somehow get these fucking banker cunts off of me gonna pay off this god damn house and then you know when i'm too fucking old you know my hair's all white or yellow whatever happens to

fucking red hair and on top i got those freckled old age spots and my bald head i'm just gonna be ahhhh fuck all of you and i'm gonna sell this place and i will move to like i don't know west virginia uh i moved to Iowa

but like what the fuck you know that was good bill that was great i really understand the topography now of Iowa with that vivid description thank you i'm over here in wales england now i understand exactly what iowa looks like i'm sorry i maybe

the decoders something along those lines i'm just gonna move to the middle of fucking nowhere and by then maybe i'll have a pilots license and i can go out like john denver and i just think that that would be a lovely life

it would be a lovely life no i've actually you know just been driving around seeing all the different parts of the country here man i'm getting back into driving to stuff in fact by the way last week i got a brutal email from somebody telling me what a piece of shit i

am and all this type of stuff because i had to cancel my gig in el paso and it's like i didn't cancel the fucking thing it rained and that's not my fault that you guys don't have a sewer system or whatever the

fucking is out there in el paso and i told you that i would reske- i fucking flew out there i was sitting there i had my show shirt all ironed i was ready to go but as promised i said we will reschedule the el paso date as soon as possible and i am a man

of my fucking word the el paso date the new date is uh october 2 alright and instead of dude i call it verzi i'm actually bringing rosebow legend tailgate legend

mr. joe bartnick everybody okay a man who honed his skills in the san francisco san francisco scene man and uh that's that's a wednesday that's a great run wednesday

is uh is el paso thursday the third is uh san jose friday the fourth is seattle and then the fifth of october is uh back down in phoenix and uh

so anyways so if you bought tickets already for el paso those things are totally honored if you can't make october 2 your money will be refunded any more than that there's nothing else i can't control the fucking weather

so um anyways i've been getting uh i've been getting slammed lately there was some people in seattle did not take kindly to my fucking my song that i sang last week i got called like a faggot like 58 times on twitter this week

hahahaha um yeah people did not appreciate that song although they did not refute it no one ever said they didn't go out of their way to architecturally in a way architecturally design how else would you do it bill

how else would you do it i'm trying to think of another big word but i don't have one i don't i was gonna say geometrically but you probably need geometry you need geometry for that shit that's not a good one uh peanut butter and jelly act or what anyways

you know what i love about in a couple i guess a couple people just wrote some of the blurb that i wrote to piss off all these seahawk fans um and uh they left out the whole part where i said all the complimentary stuff and how they got a great team and how when i watch

the patreots play and then i see you know seattle or frisco or colts or whatever watch those games how it just looks like football on a whole other level and how seattle has a great chance at winning the super ball and how i don't blame fucking p caro for what the fuck he did at usc because everybody does it yet all of that shit gets

left out only thing that they had in there was we was me going we are the loudest my friends someday people of seattle fans of the seattle seahawks as mad as you

are that you have to use those homophobic slurs in your advanced city man um you'll you'll you'll you'll understand it one of these days one of these days when you actually have something shiny in your cupboard until now

you're just screaming that's all you're doing and then you know that's another reason why you guys are so loud because of how empty your trophy case is it causes an echo you guys came into league in 1977 along with the

Tampa Bay Buccaneers and even those sad cunts figured out a fucking way to win one by now all right so even if you finally win one this year i got two words for you it's about fucking time all right and if you can't do the math on that i can't help you i'm just fucking around

all right your shitbirds relax i'll be up there on the fourth do whatever the fuck you want boomie i don't give a shit they give me the check already all right it's actually not true but i'm gonna act like it is so anyways plowing ahead here

yes i was up in Toronto one of the great things about going up to Canada aside from the fact that hockey is the first story you know when it comes to sports that's the big thing that's going on i watched like hockey night in Canada i came home and i watched

the replay they're showing preseason hockey up there like it's fucking march okay and they're trying to figure out who's gonna make the playoffs playoffs and some of you actually watched a little bit of the Toronto buffalo game some of the replay no no i watched Edmonton Vancouver

that's what i was watching somebody just sent me a link to this great brawl um i'll give you guys the video of it and and all you guys who don't like hockey just spare me you're stupid great sport why do they let them fight this is

a sport just i gotta be honest with you guys that's music to my ears i like that people don't understand hockey that you can't see the puck for whatever fucking reason i love it i love it keep keep piling on and watching football and go down to your sports bar with

your mantits and your fucking football jersey i'm all about it by all means i'll sit over in the quiet part of the bar watching a hockey game without you and your fucking cheetos breath invading my shoulder area near my nose

you know your shoulder's near your nose right i was thinking looking over my shoulder i don't need to explain my body parts to you people alright um so anyways whatever two guys on the one guy on toronto one guy a buffalo they get into a fight

and the guy a buffalo his helmet comes off and uh he fucking ended up whacking his head on the ice and i guess buffalo took an exception to that so this fucking big goof scott this big goof that could beat the living shit out of me but i'm safe here in the podcast so i'll

call him a goof knowing nothing about him i'm sure he's a wonderful well spoken human being but he looked like a big goof because he's standing next to phil kesel phil kesel comes up to like i don't know maybe his hockey pants his little short shorts his little satin booty shorts that he's wearing and uh he decides

to take it out on him he takes a swing at little phil kesel little phil never hurt anybody just trying to score a goal and some assists doesn't even go in on the corners he's not hurting anybody phil kesel lost his fucking

shit i have a whole newfound respect for that guy this big dude punched him so one of the other fucking maple leaf guys immediately grabs scott and phil kesel takes a two-hander not once but twice

to the back of scott's leg now i know a lot of you guys go well what the fuck he's tied up with somebody else that's a cheap shot fuck you alright when you're two feet taller than a guy when you have to punch down at the top of somebody's head at that point you might want to pick a different dance partner

right but he didn't so he fucking whacked him twice and then squares off with another guy in the sabers and actually wins the fight bloodies the guy up they stop and then kesel as he's going to skate off the ice that big dude scott is still tied up

with somebody went over and he fucking speared him trying to take out the guy's spleen i was like good for him there you go that's good phil don't take no shit off nobody he went all spider on him why don't you go fuck yourself tommy it was great it was great to see and

i think the leafs hopefully i think they're going to be good this year i like the leafs i've always liked them and speaking of that oh yeah we're going to talk hockey here in september somebody sent me an article that said

you know you always got to have some sort of controversial title just to get people to read it it says Montreal canadiens the most overrated franchise in NHL history and they basically touched on some shit that i had brought up brought in that i had brought up you know through of course not reading just over

hearing shit that saying that you know the canadiens dominated a six team league and that they had first pick at all french born canadian players yada yada yada all of that this is a really cool article because it actually explains that more

and it makes me understand but makes me understand Montreal and Toronto better so this is the points the guys making i don't agree with all of this stuff but it says the original six teams carries an aura with them the Montreal canadiens

you know the six teams all did battle each other so basically you had a 16.67% chance of winning so of course everybody's going to argue well so did the Bruins, so did the black hawks, so did the redwinks, so did everybody else but here's the thing that's really interesting

about this unless you're not into hockey then i don't know what to tell you is um ah christ i don't even have it here where the fuck is it basically this is how it worked you couldn't like

sign anybody back in the day so the canadiens did not have first chance at all french born canadian players what they had back there was something i guess called a C form which if you went out and you scouted people if they signed it that was an IOU that they were going to go and play for you

so Montreal was smart enough to go all over canada and try and sign these people like right before they turned 18 or right as they turned 18 but the big thing was was you had first chance at all players within basically a 50 mile radius

of your city this is really interesting i never knew this you had first chance at that so um basically why that kind of tipped the scales was Montreal

and Toronto had first chance at everybody and basically Quebec and Ontario and everybody is hockey crazy and comes out of the womb skating and then you look at like the Bruins and we had first chance

at trying to find a rocket Richard in like New Hampshire or as they say here the Rangers trying to find the next best goalie in Newark or Hoboken New Jersey and it's really interesting because what he fails to bring up in this article was that Montreal

didn't dominate a 16 league um Montreal and Toronto up until 1967 the year of expansion at that point Montreal had 14 cups and uh the Maple Leafs had 13

so the two of them just by being up in Canada and being around all of that talent and the fact that you only got a 16 league they were able to go on a run but um you know and I wonder if that helped Detroit too

50 mile radius would actually get them into uh Ontario a little bit where people gave a shit and loved hockey but it was a really interesting article and I'm not here to shit on the Canadians God knows I do that enough but that very clarified

um misinformation that I was putting out there that that I mean I was looking at like everything east of Montreal they owned you had to go play for the Canadians and I was like what the fuck that'd be like or whatever to draft for a particular sport or something like that so

my apologies you won't hear this often too the Montreal Canadians franchise I was wrong about that and now I now understand why Montreal and Toronto were kind of going tit for tat with that 50 mile radius thing was really interesting but at the end of the day though that thing that Montreal was going around

trying to find all of this talent they did do the work so you kind of got to give it up for them on uh on that level so there you go look at that apologizing to the Canadians but I'll have a link to that if you want to read it if you're a sports nerd

like me um it's a great article all the way through I wouldn't say that Montreal is overrated but I was disappointed that the writer of the article did not bring up the Toronto Maple Leafs and why they were able to kind of go you know stride for stride there with the

Canadians up till 67 it was basically in the 70s I think right that's when the Canadians they won six they also won they won in 68 and 69 I can't remember now yeah I think they won 68 69 then

Bruins won 70 then Montreal 71 Bruins 72 then Montreal Flyers Flyers and then Montreal for the rest of the decade that's how it alright Jesus Christ is there one woman left listening to this podcast and with that let's do some advertising great timing Bill

great timing I get the fucking calendar out of the way here um either way hockey's coming back I'm really uh excited about it oh you know when I was in Pittsburgh um what the fuck was I just gonna tell you I was hanging out with

uh uh Randy from DVE and uh Bill Crawford and you know they know Paul uh Steigerwald I help him say in his name right Steigerwald I always fuck up the pronunciations of anybody's last name if it has more than two syllables but it was just so insane they brought

him along and uh we kind of you know talked right after after the show and I've watched so much Sena Rice just to hear his voice was insane I just kept saying that to him going like dude

like this it was be hilarious he would start talking to me just talking about regular stuff Paul would and I had everything I could do to not start looking around for the hockey game on TV because I felt like I was listening like oh shit there's a hockey game on

I've just I basically I've watched a ton of Penguins games is what I'm trying to say so uh that was a big thrill getting to hang out with him but um anyway so let's get to the uh let's get to the goddamn uh where is it here let's get to the advertising for this week alright everybody

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uh go to dollarshaveclub.com forward slash burr that's dollarshaveclub.com forward slash burr or go to billburr.com and click the dollarshaveclub banner all right hulu plus everyone you probably tried hulu.com now with hulu plus you can watch

your favorite shows anytime anywhere hulu plus lets you watch thousands of hulu tv shows and a selection of acclaimed movies on your television or on the go with your smartphone or tablet and it all streams in hd for the best best viewing experience

with hulu plus you can watch your favorite current tv shows like saturday night live community family family guy sorry uh breaking bad you know uh the walking dead the shows that i like where people get killed um you can

also check out exclusive content including hulu originals like the awesomes starring snl seth mires and moon boy starring chris chriso dowd from bridesmaids look at hulu plus with the original programming hulu plus also

offers a great selection of acclaimed films for only 790 month 799 a month you can stream as many shows and movies as you want whenever you want right now you can try hulu plus for free for two weeks when you go to hulu plus dot com slash bill that's a special offener for my

listeners all right make sure you use hulu plus dot com slash bill so you get the extended free trial and they will know that we sent you go to hulu plus dot com slash bill now or click on the hulu plus banner on the podcast page at bill bird dot com all right

continuing on so this past week everybody um i actually rented a motorcycle and lived to tell about it um i rented during a week day right and i

i just went to a part where i knew there was going to be no cars or anything like that and it was all these twists and turns and that type of thing and it was you know it's just like it was fun man it was a lot of fun scraped the pegs a couple of times scared the shit out of me i didn't realize

that they give you know so you won't fall down that was definitely sent to jolt through my hat but um it was awesome man i gotta tell you i really uh i really enjoyed it i don't know it's like i said

i still don't think i'm gonna buy a motorcycle or anything like that i just wanted to remember what i'd learned in the in the in the class so i ride with the buddy of mine who's been riding forever and everything went great the entire fucking time i said i did a great job for the amount of time that i've

been riding you know i drove stick shifts my whole life so it's the same concept of the hardest things you have to switch it you know with rather than shifting with your hand you know you're doing it with your foot and rather moving the clutch with your foot you do it with your hand it's all that type of shit but that motorcycle safety

class that i took i highly highly highly recommend taking one of those because um they really they they help you with turns and i mean like i like the shit you have to do on a motorcycle when you go into a turn it's not like a car you know you don't have to worry

about a car tipping over and you being launched out of it like what you have to do in a car you'd have to be basically going i would think over 35 miles an hour 40 miles an hour and then just cut the wheel as hard as you could to the point you were getting

sideways even just to go it on its side but even then you're strapped in you got metal all around you and airbags um so anyways we rode i made him go down and pick up the bike i did it as safely as i could possibly do it

and i had the time of my fucking life so and i got the confidence that i actually rode the bike back to my house um before i went to bring it back and i live i live on a uh i live on a hill that's on a turn so i came

down and i was just like oh wait well how the fuck do i do this and i went down and i brought it up and i'm thinking like what do i do with the kickstand and then i kind of had it at the wrong angle and i swear to god i tipped the bike over at zero miles an hour fucking asshole dude i was riding

for three hours around turns a whole fucking thing all the way up to fourth gear down shift and looking through the turns the whole fucking thing did everything right and then at zero miles an hour i just was at the wrong angle where if i put the kickstand down

it was still going to tip over and then i tried to overcompensate and the thing just tipped to the point of no return and you don't really feel the weight of the bike until it gets to that tipping point i mean i didn't slam it down i just basically dropped it down it was so fucking

embarrassing and i bent the uh i bent the uh the front brake and i put some scratches on the fucking thing so it ended up being an expensive day fucking asshole

i was so embarrassed it was a Harley too so i brought it back down to the place and they're all you know they're like nah nah nah it happens it happens or whatever but i just you know i could not if i should have just gone down there a little skirt with what's left of my hair and pigtails and be like oh my god all i try to do

is put the kickstand down i was really it's been a while since i've been that fucking embarrassed like i was uh i felt shame but other than that it was a great time i was billy badass for about uh

i don't know for a couple hours and then uh i don't know whatever the biggest pussy word you can come up with that begins with b huh billy blueberries i don't fucking know anyways why blueberries are bad not if you stick them in a pie

i had the urge to make a pumpkin pie this week i want to practice before the holidays um and i want to smoke a fucking turkey this year i'm throwing fucking down you know that's one of the things when the holidays come around you got to have something that you make

you know you got to have your staple if you don't you got to have some sort of hooch that you get from somewhere in the middle of fucking nowhere that you got to have something special you just can't be another cunt that puts on some ugly sweater and just shows up and stands there eating everybody else's

shit drinking all their fucking booze you know you got to bring something to i think you know what you should you should do you should have like basically you should have a pre thanksgiving party in the beginning of october like a preseason game

and then you invite like 30 people over knowing only 22 are going to make the fucking roster on thanksgiving but but don't tell anybody no that's not fair people try out for a team they know they're trying out for a team do that

there you go then you fucking wear one of those bill bellichick cut off hoodies and you see what people show up with just a suggestion no big deal um alright let's continue with the sports um people have been firing off letters to me lately and

i never send letters to people i never do i never like i'll read something and somebody annoys me and i guess the reason why i don't do it is because i have the outlet of the podcast or doing stand up so i never really feel the need like

you know i gotta i don't know send this person like a fucking letter or something but i actually sent the letter an email and i'm not going to name the name because i don't want you guys to like i know most of you won't but some of you will find out who it is and then go

you stupid cunt aids and you know the stupid you know write something racist that uh whatever i just don't want to be a part of that but basically this person was writing an article about this female goaltender

uh brianna scurry i hope i said her last name right and um you know it's really just awful story you know like she was playing on top of her game playing for the us ladies soccer team in the late 90s

and she went down to get to stop a routine uh you know routine save one of those ones i think it's from the way it was described it was like kind of rolling fast along the ground and she dove down to get it scooped it up and had it and uh someone on the other team went to basically try to kick it out of her hand

real quick and then try to put it in the goal but as they were running over to do that the other players knee struck this woman brianna right on the side of her head and uh you know so she kind of gave herself a stand and eight count basically and stood up and continued on like

all the athletes do she pushed through the pain so unfortunately after a few minutes the back of her own players jerseys when she was looking at the numbers and the names started getting blurry started getting fuzzy then she started seeing more than one soccer ball out there and the team could tell that she was struggling

and at the half they took her out of the game sound like a familiar story she had she had a brutal concussion and ended her career and now you know she has to stay in like you know a dark apartment and um I don't know if she gets the bedspins or getting nauseous

but the usual type of stuff so I'm reading this thing and I was like oh god another concussion story this is I didn't you know I haven't heard a lot of soccer players having this happen to you know male or female um so it was really an interesting article and then all of a sudden I don't know where

this person writes you know it's one of the myths of the mainstream sports media that concussions belong only to men most of them football players like I don't even I can't even wrap my head around that statement

it's like let me just let me just continue reading this in fact studies show that women and girls are more likely than men and boys to suffer concussions in sports they both play such as soccer basketball

and baseball slash softball and in those cases they are also more likely to suffer in private a far cry from the attention NFL players command can you fucking believe that that was one of the most

uninformed paragraphs I think I've ever read on like after I read that I was like I don't think this paper USA Today I don't think that they have a sports editor I don't even know where to begin with that first of all to make concussions

like a gender issue like I'm not the smartest guy but don't we both just have brains that sit in fluid in your head a blow to the head is a blow to the head

so I don't know what she's trying to claim one of my favorite statements of all time study show no footnote to the study study show researchers have said oh my god so I actually

I'm not going to bore you maybe I will you want me to read the letter that I sent her I wrote no disrespect because I wanted her to read you know get something to call her attention I basically said to suggest that female athletes are more likely to suffer in

private a far cry from the attention NFL players command when it comes to suffering concussions is astoundingly uninformed the attention that NFL players command I kept putting that in quotes she made them sound like they were divas the attention NFL players command

has everything to do with generations of former NFL players suffering in private after their careers were over and the last five years alone the NFL players have committed suicide by single gunshot to the chest in order to preserve their brains so scientists can figure out more about the aftermath

of playing professional football the attention players command today was a result of over two decades of fighting tooth and nail with NFL owners in the end the only reason the owners gave in was the irrefutable evidence gained through examination of brains donated by dead NFL players that suffered

in private then I brought up the class action suit Brian was taken out of that Brian was taken out of the second half of that soccer game because of all the suffering in private that NFL players have endured

because of the knowledge gained by all of those concussed football players that were told to shake it off and get back in the game this is a major issue in sport to see it glossed over and actually turned into some gender issue was incredibly irresponsible I'm not saying you're a bad person but to take such a serious subject

inclusive of all human beings and then suggest that one side has it worse than the other sided more like fodder for the newlywed game rather than a serious medical discussion see that? I can be eloquent I don't have to trash people well I can trash them but I don't have to write all the curse words

you see that? I had a very tuxedo kind of vibe there didn't I unlike this person who wrote to me oh what a segue ginger scumbag hahaha Bill I've been a fan of yours

for 15 years okay so you guys got that? this guy has been a fan of mine for 15 years so for 15 years this guy has been following me enjoying things that I'm doing alright? this guy's locked in

for 15 years the people that work hard every day and spend their hard earned cash that's kind of redundant sir you have hard earned cash alright? you got an easy job then you'd be spending your fucking titty money right?

Bill just read the fucking email alright just having fun Bill I've been a fan of yours for 15 years the people that work hard every day and spend their hard earned cash to see you have been really disappointed this is one of the classic things when people complain rather than just complaining for themselves

they act like they're standing in front of like a zillion people relax attention everyone I will send the email and will convey all of your feelings get on with your day relax

I will handle it so evidently he has like you know all of these people are disappointed in me he said the people that follow you and made you who you are they made me people I didn't work hard on stand up I was just standing there and they all said

we have decided to make you and who you are so said it be said so said it be done he said you have made dates all around the country and then cancelled them when Hollywood calls you to do a part that's exactly what happened

I picked up the phone they said hello this is Hollywood here we're calling you to do a part see the people that go to your shows and made you that made you aren't making a tenth of the money that you make today to see you hey ginger boy

without these fans your illiterate ass would be working at mcdonalds at best now I take offense to that sir okay without my fan base I would not be working at mcdonalds

you son of a bitch I would be unloading trucks in a warehouse get it straight he goes you're a scumbag you're a scumbag and I hope every fan realizes what you are and stops going to your shows I will never

listen to your shows or podcasts again and will tell everyone to do the same you are the typical sell out to Hollywood fucking disappointment I know you won't have the balls to read this on your podcast instead you will read a letter from a 20 year old guy confused about his

girlfriend's sexuality hahahaha this is the best part here you're a real cunt fuck you and everything you do hahahaha that's one of the greatest endings

one of the greatest endings to any email they ever got you're a real cunt you're the real deal if you tip over your cunt you see the stamp of approval from the cunt factory and then it's just not fuck you fuck you with everything you do

even when I go to the grocery store yeah that too fuck you when you're picking out apples jesus christ sir you made me did I have anything to do did I do anything did I work did I not fucking go on stage

and eat my balls learning how to do this I guess you did I just want to thank you for making me without your hard work I mean I can't imagine how many I mean how many people live in this country I just can't imagine when you're just going through the mug book trying to figure out

who you've decided will become a professional comedian and the fact that you also have a day job during the time where I guess you're grossly underpaid I mean that's just incredible to me sir what the fuck do you want from me let me ask you this

okay and ask you to be in a movie you're going to say no you're going to say no alright and you told your mom hey listen mom don't worry I'll come over and I'll clean up your yard this Saturday

alright and then all of a sudden Hollywood comes to call and says hey do you want to pretend you're a lot tougher than you are and get into a gunfight and get shot by I don't know whoever your favorite actor is you're going to say no I have to go

you've never broken a fucking you know what fuck that even like a playoff game comes along you've never fucking had to change a schedule sir I had to cancel some dates I didn't cancel them I rescheduled them the fuck do you want from me do you want me to stay in the strip malls

for my entire career telling jokes I did that I'm trying to fucking you know and all these movies do is make more people know who I am so more people come out to my shows so I can keep writing more hours and having a good time

alright I don't even know why I'm talking to you you said you're never going to listen to my shit again right are you a man of your word after you're saying I'm not a man of my word if you're actually listening to this then you're a fucking hypocrite alright what's the matter

huh Jesus Christ you fucking pissed on your sweatpants this week I don't know what the fuck that was all about you didn't even say what it was you made dates all around the country and then canceled them the fuck are you talking about

I had one tour I had to move around and I fucking did the first two dates then I've made up one two three cents then and added another one that wasn't even on that original tour so go fuck yourself alright

all the tickets are honored and if you can't make that date you get it refunded Jesus Christ you know that tour that I was going to do I was just going to land in Boise you know jump on a bus

and knock them all out in ten days now because that whole thing blew up it's like an extra ten airplane ride you don't hear me bitchin do ya you're a real cotton fuck you that was worth it that was worth them getting mad

that's fucking tremendous sir you know what as much as you disappointed me you're a real disappointment you fucking jerk off you've liked me for 15 years one canceled fucking gig and now you're saying fuck me and everything I do I make that pumpkin pie this week you're saying fuck the pie too

you're saying fuck America if you're saying fuck pumpkin pie but I gotta I am a real cunt you know I can't argue that you know something can somebody please put that on a t-shirt you're a real cunt fuck you and everything you do

just to have that just out there just written that's really tremendous oh by the way I was reading an unbelievable book I told you I was reading that that book that Al Jorgensen

from Ministry wrote I just finished it man I'm telling you some of the most insane fucking stories you're ever gonna read I'll give you one line one descriptive line from one of the stories

was basically he was talking about like he was basically talking about three of the craziest people he's ever met and he was talking about this one lunatic guy who met this lunatic chick groupie

and the line was he brought her into the bathroom but fucked her and then flushed her clothes down the toilet so fucking insane thing I've ever heard in my life so then she comes walking out of the bathroom she's like oh my god

like what's with your friend what am I supposed to wear so they took a tablecloth off a table and they cut a hole in it and they made a dress out of it and then tied it off around the middle and then she just went on tour with him happy as a clamp

alright that's me butchering that story just imagine 200 and what was it 273 pages of that phenomenal phenomenal fucking read and it also exposed me to all this amazing music in the 80s that I completely

missed on because you know I was 12 in 1980 so right around you know you don't listen to good music when you're in your teenage years unless you have really well informed older siblings

like the youngest kid in the family usually knows what to listen to you know if he has you know brothers who are like 8, 9, 10 or sisters that are like 8 years older or something can usually hit his friends to hey you know just some of the music that

ministry was making right and to think that I was arguing with people about whether you know motley crew was better than poison not shitting on those bands but I'm just saying because I like both those bands for what they are

I like them you know I love motley crew and poison it took me a while they came out with makeup and all the chicks liked them and you know they were easily hateable so was Bon Jovi and all that oh my god he's so dreamy you know

those guys fucking suck you just start doing that shit but if you just look at them for what the fuck they were doing it's alright right but anyways I had no idea I had no fucking idea there was a lot about that type of music or you got some punk bands

because I missed out on all of that shit and I'd really like to go back and listen and work my way through that the road less traveled of 80's music because I didn't know any better alright okay

continuing on what the fuck is this oh this is from last week and of course I just reduced the damn thing then is that the right word reduced it are you cooking here Bill oh by the way all things comedy

was starting to do a monthly show down at Lago on La Cienega we have a show this Tuesday night all things comedy the podcast is on the network me and Al Madrigal were going to be down there knocking out another show

we had a great time last month's show was one of the best stand up shows just as far as not only the level of comedy just the diverse it was a really great mix of comics that were on that one so we're hoping we can do it again

and it's also a great if you see how diverse the comedians are so are the podcasts on all things comedy and I really appreciate everybody that's already bought tickets so come on down it's going to be 8 o'clock on Tuesday night alright plowing ahead plowing ahead what else do we got here oh you know what fucking bugs me

I went to Toronto again which is such a great city they're all Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver I just have a great time when I'm up there I can't wait to run through that country up there in March of next year when we're shooting to tour that country

but every time I go to Toronto I always go I got to go to the El Macambo because that's where Stevie Ray Vaughn he recorded that I love it the El Macambo and I fucking still didn't get to do it this time just didn't have enough goddamn time

it's annoying so anyways let's plow ahead here Mother Teresa is what this next one is called Bill you mentioned in your YouTube tour of Boston something to the effect of that someday someone is going to write a tell-all about Mother Teresa

yeah I was just joking around said someone did here's the link that's the history based on the book quick summary she was a cunt come on 100% she wasn't helped

some people out Jesus Christ Mother Teresa can be called a cunt I guess I should take the fact that I'm a real cunt you're a real cunt you realize that college stadium oh hey by the way

anybody ever been to Italy I'm going to go there to get acclimated to the time before I do the European tour I said fuck it why just go over there and bang out a bunch of shows I never get to see anything other than

the backs of comedy clubs I want to go see some shit so I've decided I'm going to go over a couple two three days over in Italy and I'm leaning towards going to Naples anybody anybody at all if you've ever been there can you give me some places to go

I want to go see a fucking opera over there get all dressed up bring a little handkerchief cry like a little girl you know take the whole fucking thing in have some skiddy and then I'm off I'm off on my run so if you guys have any suggestions I would really appreciate it oh and speaking of which

there's really just a lot of announcements this week I had a lot of shit happen thank you to whoever brought me the Ken Burns The War on DVD that was ridiculously generous of you did not have to do that and believe me I will be watching that once again the second I get through

all of Ken Burns is the rest of them because I've already seen that one but I definitely want to watch it again because it's like such a history lesson just as far as you can just see oh first we went here then we went here this is where the silent is this is where the battle of the bulge was really fucking fascinating

so thank you for that alright college stadium a group of my buddies and I wanted to take a trip somewhere random and catch a good college football game not necessarily just the game of the team but also a great stadium

we're all in our mid 20s and live in Florida bend to plenty of gators and seminal games I was going to say Jesus Christ well you don't have to travel you got it right there which college stadium would you suggest we make our trip to somewhere that serves beer during the game would be a plus but not a requirement

I don't know about I don't know that the NCAA any of the college stadium served beer I never noticed that they didn't at the Rose Bowl because I was so fucking shit faced that I didn't need anymore alcohol

so I'm usually trying to buy something to absorb all the booze that I've ingested but I don't think that you can that's what my friends have been telling me we were just in college station and they didn't sell it there they didn't sell it at the LSU game

so anyways in other words what's the best college stadium atmosphere that you've been to that you would recommend visiting love the podcast blah blah blah go fuck yourself yeah I like that you phrased it that way because I'm only going by what I've done I gotta tell you LSU Alabama

in Baton Rouge was even if you're not a fan of the sport you realize that you're at something legendary and special just SEC football in general like the level that's being played at they're in another golden age

that conference and I'm blown away by how well behaved and polite the fans are because you know the stereotype of southerners you know walking around what are you doing over here boy we don't walk your cat around here it's nothing like that

it's nothing most of that shit is just from watching Mississippi Burning and Hollywood's version I'm not saying that those guys don't exist alright it's kind of like that Ray Dunovan character like that character

is supposed to represent like everybody on the east coast basically the northeast that that's how people are you know you come near my family again and I'll fucking kill you that bullshit all the time

like everybody down south is fucking playing a washboard it's not like that at all I thought that they were they throw down the level even college station they were amazing this is what I would do I would pick

if you're a fan of any other team going to a home game against one of their big rivals is awesome if you want to go to a game where you actually give a shit about the team so you kind of have a dog in the fight or if you're going to go see

someone really special like some once in a generation kind of player like Johnny football comes around like you know that guy's going to be a legend regardless of what he does in the football NFL whether he makes it or not to be able to say that I saw that guy in his sophomore year

play against Alabama in a 49-42 game cool so if I was you just looking at saving money and that type of shit you really don't need to go anywhere you're down there in SEC country anyways I would go see Alabama

I go to the Alabama Auburn game even though Auburn's not as good as they were with Cam Newton I go to one of those ones for some reason the Florida Georgia game in Jacksonville does not interest me because that it's an away game for everybody because they were worried about the behavior

of people I want to see their behavior I like when there's one team going into a hostile hostile environment so you know like I saw Texas, Oklahoma at the Cotton Bowl and that was awesome and it was

great legendary stadium to go to but there was definitely something missing there was no you know you're in our house now vibe was not there so I don't know Jesus are you talking me andering this week or what so if I was you I would

either go to Tuscaloosa or go to Baton Rouge Tennessee for some reason looks fucking insane to me Tennessee I think would be insane just because that's Knoxville is just the middle of fucking nowhere and there's nothing else to do

but to go absolutely apeshit at a Tennessee Volunteers game and just watch them throwing down show is being outside the stadium and watching how hardcore these people party or and cook and all that I mean they don't get drunk and belligerent

like at least I haven't seen that yet there's probably a lot of people rolling their fucking eyes but you know it seems like the violent fans are on the coast I don't know like if you gotta get stomped or fucking stabbed or shot especially out here in California

I don't know if you're a mosey on up to somebody's smoker all you do is throw them a couple of compliments next thing you know you got something smoked sitting on a plate they'll fucking hook you up they're great people South gets such a bad fucking reputation and I know there's a racism

and there's all that fucking shit but unfortunately that racism is everywhere at least as far as my travels so at the end of the day those fuckers cook better than they do up north at a football game anyways so there you go a long winded fucking answer

alright hey Billy Betts a couple weeks ago you said you don't want to see the Coliseum because it's too touristy I implore you to change your mind oh here it is you yourself you owe yourself you left out the owe

what you yourself love to go to different arenas and stadiums in America if I remember correctly you said you wanted to go to every major sporting arena in the U.S yeah I know this argument as well as major college stadiums the Coliseum is one of the oldest stadiums in the world and the most famous in history

in the history of the world 50,000 people could sit in it it had a retractable roof giant pieces of fabric that were controlled by men to block the sun out Jesus Christ alright I'm sold I'm going

and some historical text claim that it was even filled with water and naval battles were reenacted for the public Jesus Christ was that the greatest empire of all time wow they put the gluttony

even I can only speak for my country but even like the level of big gulps and how fat people are now even with that we don't have puking rooms here like they had rooms the Romans had rooms just for like after you've gorged yourself

and yacked and can you imagine the poor conquered people that had to clean that fucking thing out every couple of hours an unair conditioned puking room wow Jesus Christ

I'd fight a line in a second not to fucking have to do that just get it over with he said yes it is a very touristy place to go but it is the most famous arena in the history of the world 2000 years ago and still stands today

I guarantee you that I saw in Dallas won't be standing in 2000 years P.S. my girlfriend watched your episode of New Girl and instead it was the first time she ever saw you not yelling Jesus I'm getting pounded this week but I can't argue any of it I am a real cunt and I do scream a lot

alright well maybe I'll do that look I have plans for the rest of my stand up career of continuing to expand my tours through Europe and wherever else they'll have me Australia

I want to see it man I'm only here once I want to see it Italy I don't plan on just going to one time like there's all these different through all these years of watching Mario Batali who gets my vote is the coolest fucking redhead on TV

alright just his knowledge and passion for that country and their food and all the different places to go he's made me want to go to so many different parts of Italy so I'm just starting

with this one I guess I should start with Rome but it just seemed hacky to go there so I don't know I mean the game plan always was to tour make a little bit of money in Europe and blow all of it in some awesome country

so that's basically it I probably won't be making that much money in Europe because people don't really know me but you know how much the spaghetti cost alright how about a little advertising here alright E voice everyone if you're an entrepreneur

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Bill here is a dilemma you're hanging out at your house wanting a snack your lady says she's going to bake you some cookies what a sweetheart absolutely what a champ she brings the cookies out and to your surprise

they are dick shaped cookies think bachelorette party complete with sprinkles for pubes etc you're hungry and the cookies are sure to be tasty but they are shaped like dicks do you eat all the cookies

thanks and go fuck yourself you know what we have here sir that right there is a classic example of some cold lotion that right there is some fucking cold lotion you said you're hungry you want a snack

and your woman goes oh go make you some cookies you're like holy shit I finally found a woman that still cooks it doesn't feel like you're taking away her right to vote if she goes out and does that for you phenomenal she brings the cookies in you're all excited and you look down

and you got a bowl of cocks um do you eat the cookies um well do you plan to run for office someday sir if you do well that probably wouldn't work I would say you should take a picture yourself

eating the bowl of dicks that way you could be a homophobic but somebody could run a smear campaign and say that your marriage was a sham and just have you you know they pick the worst picture with your eyes half closed and the most enjoyable

ecstasy look in your face sugar rush as you're sticking a dick in your mouth I know that could go either way do you eat the cookies um hey listen a fucking cookie is a cookie I'd eat them if they tasted good

um hey when those things get stale does that mean they're kind of that they get like a wreck sorry it was a stupid dick joke um do you eat the cookies I don't know about you know what I'd have to know what you if your girlfriend did that to be

fucking hilarious like hey you want some cookies and then comes out with a bowl of dicks dick cookies that's fucking hilarious at which point I'd eat all of them but uh yeah there's no way she wasn't trying to be funny you know what you should laugh and you should eat them with a big glass of milk

which uh metaphorically is giz color if you get like the zero percent fat you should just go all out with it ah that's fucking gross I never like sex jokes with food isn't that disgusting that I gross you out I apologize I apologize to you on this wonderful Monday

hey by the way everybody I bet you're sitting there going like you know fuck my life I want to know what Bill's doing this weekend I know you're not just just appease my ego appease the ego of a real cunt here I'm going to be at the Chicago

the legendary Chicago theater this uh this Saturday night for not one but two shows who am I bringing along none other then master chef slash rosebowl tailgate legend Jason Lawhead whose Cleveland Browns

won this week alright so check out Lawhead Court Lawhead's Court his uh his podcast um you'll get to hear something that you haven't heard in a long time which is probably a happy Cleveland Browns fan um I am a closet Cleveland Browns fan

because I think they have one of the best fucking uniforms in the league and uh and they were great when I was a kid in the 80s I love those Browns teams that fucking municipal stadium just that it just was on NFL films municipal stadium

when it was overcast and it was cold and it maybe snowed a little bit now the field was muddy it just was one of the last great football stadiums out there even though I know it was built for baseball it was probably a terrible place to see a game in a lot of ways um

I was a fan of Brian Sype and the Cartier kids and all of that shit so I always root for those fuckers um so anyways yeah I'll be at the uh the Chicago theater unfortunately I'm coming in back out flying in the day of and then leaving I wanted to try and

maybe take in I think north westerns at home I know Notre Dame is at home I was going to try to drive over there but I think it's too long to fucking drive but uh anyways if you guys have any suggestions on a great place to eat I don't want to get deep dish pizza um I don't want to do that

how about more like a steak place that deep dish pizza man like you always order one and you're like I got this I got this and it becomes like a man versus food moment um it is it is delicious do you know what fuck it how about a steak place and a good place to get a deep dish pizza

you know what you guys should do you guys should try to see how fucking fat you can make me just subtly just all get together like that guy suggested like you're all in communication with each other you know and now that I've canceled those dates why don't you guys try to get together and try to make me a fat freckled fuck um

alright hater alright tit rag I don't even know what what is it tit rag is that a worn out bra um I need some advice on a hater

alright I'm 20 years old hey that guy called it that guy who called me a ginger scumbag he called it that's at least he called the age that somebody 20 years old was going to write it I'm 20 years old and I've been pretty shy and self-conscious for my entire life until

recently that's understandable sir I was uh well within the tortoise shell until I was 23 um he says I've started to just say fuck it it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks that's a great thing good for you he said and it feels great but it's hard

though uh I'm no expert I got a lot I've got a lot more confidence and now I had I now have one of my first haters well that's good you know what most people hate most people hate watching somebody

enjoy themselves or be successful so he must either he knew you or she knew you before when you were shy and now is seeing you starting to come out coming to your own and it's making that person feel left behind or

uh they're just straight across the board anybody having a good time and enjoying themselves they try to knock them down um anyways he says this kid I'm close to my college of 600 people we go out as a big group most nights and he's always there once in a while he'll throw a comment my way and I just

ignore it um last night I was talking to a girl and he comes up behind and puts my hood over my head I turned around and stared at him for 10 seconds and he just looked away this kid's pathetic I've just been ignoring him and trying not to give a fuck that doesn't work with bullying

sir that doesn't um he says I definitely don't want to fight this kid and ruin my reputation but I also don't want to look like a little bitch I figured you might know what to say seeing that you deal with hecklers all the time thanks um first of all hey you don't have to hang out with this kid

um you know this unfortunately this is not the first one of these kinds of people that's going to be in your life you have to um you got to pay attention especially when you're younger because

you're kind of wide open because you just you know you just out of your parents house you're starting to learn shit on your own and a lot of times if you came from a dysfunctional home you'll actually surround yourself with the same kind of cunts the exact cunts when you yelled at your parents you're never going to see me again

fuck this and you walk out you actually end up rebuilding that exact same structure now that's not my that's obviously I've heard that you know from people who are intelligent and I actually went out and did that you know what you have to do you got to cut the cancer out alright you don't need to be around this guy

you're having a good time you're coming into your own you're talking to the ladies you're having a good time so uh no if he does something like that to you again you have to at some point you got to step to the kid and just be like dude is there some sort of a problem here you know

and considering you just stared at him and he looked away I pretty much think he's going to back down but uh you know if you got to do what you got to do if you got to have a fight you got to have a fight it's not a bad thing you know just nowadays with lawsuits and all these youtube videos and shit

kids used to settle shit amongst themselves so uh you might have to do that I hope you don't um but yeah I would not ignore him I would not ignore him

I would uh you know if you don't want to go the physical route I would just pick out something um that looks bad on him physically and I would bring that up I would go I would go right for the fucking jugular uh with that kid there's a zillion different ways to do it and I'm afraid to tell you which way to do it

because if it goes wrong then you know the way everybody gets sued nowadays just know I'm a fucking moron but um I do know that if you're going to keep running into the same person and they're they're they're overstepping a boundary with you ignoring them does not make them go away

you know like that shit they say if you run into a black bear just stand still and ignore it it'll go away that they don't okay so you have to uh you gotta address it you could say anything anything to whatever his name is hey what's up you're gonna be in a cunty mood again this night

you know can you do me a favor maybe rub one out before you come over here with your frustrated fucking energy something like that I don't know except don't start it when you say energy um I don't know I don't know if you know how to fight if you know how to fight uh you know I'm not saying to do it

but uh there is a reason God allowed you to ball up your fist hey if God didn't want us to punch anybody in the face would he have blessed us with fists is that amazing thing about your hand now we can caress somebody

or fucking choke them to death just the options that's why I don't think he's he's gonna judge you you can fucking really do whatever you want you know you're gonna fucking just give people the

the I've been doing a bit about this how you can give people freedom of choice and then you're gonna get upset when they make the wrong choices you're gonna make them flawed and then you're gonna get mad I don't understand that I really don't alright anyways

I have a podcast for this week everybody I hope you had a good time just to let you know this week once again I'm gonna be in the Chicago theater and then I have after that and I can tell you one guy who's not gonna be there that guy from earlier this week I lost one everybody

he's not even listening to this right now um anyways you know what I should get the email from the guy from the past week he got all pissed off about the El Paso one I gotta get that from my guy that helps me with all this shit I should let him know that it's been rescheduled

and that he can get his money back and all that I still feel bad that he drove four hours I knew that was gonna fucking happen anyways here we go October 3rd I'm gonna be October 2nd the reschedule show in El Paso is going down

it's going down alright and I will try to do something extra special to make up for the fact that all these people drove out there and then it fucking rained which was beyond my control and you know what's fucked up I had such a good time driving from El Paso to San Antonio

that I think I'm actually gonna drive from LA to El Paso it's a 12 hour drive which is that's nothing I've been doing the road for a long time I already know how I'm gonna break it up see break it up October 3rd

I'll be at the San Jose Center for the Performing Arts October 4th Paramount Theater in Seattle Washington we are the loudest October 5th I'll be at the Celebrity Theater in Phoenix, Arizona that is in the round

all of those are gonna be just amazing venues and just really gonna be fun shows I got all this new shit that I've been working on a bunch of stuff is coming together I'm excited to be doing my act so I'm thrilled that you guys are coming out despite the fact that I'm a real cunt

alright there you go and that's the podcast here's the wrap up everybody now that the show is over do me a favor don't forget to go to my podcast page if you're gonna go to Amazon and buy something if you'd like to help out this podcast and the Wounded Warriors Project just click on the Amazon banner

doesn't cost you any extra money they kicked me a little thanks a lot, how's your father there and then I kicked part of that over to the Wounded Warriors Project everybody fucking wins and that's it and the rumor has it that the podcast t-shirts are done

and that I'm gonna be picking them up this week so get ready for those for next week and lastly, but not leastly not leastly don't forget to sign up for your free trial of Hulu Plus Hulu Plus lets you binge on thousands of tit shows

anytime, anywhere, TV, PC smartphone or tablet it's awesome man support this podcast and get an extended free trial of Hulu Plus when you go to the podcast page at billbird.com and click on the Hulu Plus banner or go to huluplus.com

that's huluplus.com once again, thank you to everybody listening to this podcast, have a great week go fuck yourselves I'll talk to you next Monday