Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-29-22

Episode Date: September 30, 2022

Bill rambles with comedian Jim Florentine about prank phone calls, social media, and going to concerts. His new special 'Bite the Bullet'  is available on Amazon Prime and his new prank album 'Terrorizing Telemarketers Vol. 7' wherever you listen to music. Thursday Afternoon Podcast: (00:00 - 40:15) Throwback Episode: (40:20 - 1:38:38) Bill rambles about abandoning your life, NFL predictions and Derek Jeter's last game at Fenway. Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks WEEK 4: (1:38:50 - end) Thursday Afternoon Interlude: Van Halen -  Unchained SoloStove:  Go to www.SoloStove.com for $10 off your order. Use the promo code BURR

All right. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for another wonderful addition of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you, checking in to see how your week's going. If you're not just listening to audio, if you're watching the video, you know, I'm not, I'm not this kind of vain person. I don't just fill myself for the sake of showing you my bald freckled Charlie Brown head. Not at all. That means I have a special guest, somebody that I admire, somebody that I'm a huge fan of. I've known this guy forever. We have the one and only the legendary Mr. Jim Florentine. Jim, how you doing? Thanks for having me, Bill. I appreciate it. Yeah, Jim has a new special.

Let's get the promo out of the way. He's got a new special called bite the bullet on Amazon Prime. By the way, you see that guy's fucking yacht unbelievable. And he has a new, the guy runs Amazon. Yeah. The new terrorizing telemarketers, volume seven, volume seven, volume seven, wherever music is available. And he also has a wonderful show on Ozzie's Boneyard called. Yeah, it's just Jim Florentine show. It used to be metal midgets, but you can't say midgets anymore. All right. Yes, well, you want metal little people. It's like a relationship with this woke shit. You got to meet him halfway. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you can't just go, no, I'm not doing anything. So you kind of have to meet, you can meet him a little, just a little. Yeah,

just not little in a bad way. Like, like, yeah, like five steps. I'll go five steps before I'm like, nope, I'll give you five steps. I have to tell you something. I got to admit something here with you. You're, you're terrorizing telemarketers and the shit that you do, dude. It's so fucking awkward. I have to like shut it off sometimes. Like there was a video on the internet where he goes into a restaurant and before like they even come over, you're going to ask for more pepper. Yeah. And it's just like, you tell everybody at the table, I just like, you know, it's just going to get really awkward. And the guy starts putting pepper on this fucking piece of fish. And they go through like four pepper mills. It gets to the point. You can't even see the fish anymore. And you're like,

yeah, I still need more pepper. You never break. And there's this fucking mountain of pepper on this fish. And you think the joke's over. And he turns it over to do the other side. Yeah. Can you start on this side now? I mean, it was, I can't believe they didn't just, at some point, just say, we're not doing this. It was, I don't know. It was, it was in Hell's Kitchen at some restaurant, like the Spanish restaurant, we went in, we just figured we're going to do it. And then it got to the point where they ran out of pepper mills because there's no, so they were like chopping up in the back and they were just putting it in bowls and coming out with these little bowls and just dumping it on. And I had my hidden camera guys, this little guy, with a pen behind his ear, I go, go into kitchen because

we heard him pound it in there. Go see what's going on. And he, I go, just say you were looking for the bathroom and he got the shot and then pounded it. He's like, yeah, well, the guy likes a lot of pepper. I don't know. We're just going to put it in bowls and they're coming out and dumping it on. But I said, I go, it's going to ruin the joke if everyone starts talking at the table, the awkwardness of everybody is sitting there, minding their own business and complete silence. You're just here to pepper. How do you like, how do you keep a straight face? Because I've been lying to women for years. And when you lie and you don't fucking break character, it's easy. If it's a good lie, if it's fucking ridiculous, I don't know. I had that uncanny ability of just being dry and just

stone face. And once in a while, I'll break, you know, once in a while, if the camera's on, I'll break. But usually I can, I can whatever happened on the Carol Burnett show back in the day, you are the absolute opposite where they used to just start cracking up during the meal. You, like that other one that you, you and I don't know who else was on that thing. When you hold on a second, I got, let me put my brother on the phone. Oh yeah, Don Jamison. Yeah, he's my partner and crime. Yeah, we'll just hand the phone back and forth. Yeah, this lady, some salesperson, you're going to buy something and right as she would try to like close the deal, you'd go, hang on, let me put my brother on the phone. And then he would talk and get her all

set, hang on, let me put my brother on the phone. And you guys must have done that like 40 fucking times. I'll tell you, that's one time I did break because it was a phone, it was a telemarketer call and me and Don were looking at each other like this far away from me and you. And like, hold on, let me put my brother on the phone and hand it back. And I started laughing because I looked at him laughing. So I hung up and I'm like, what the, I go, you broke first. He goes, no, you did. We were arguing. I go, you can't fucking break character. So when someone called back, we were back to back. We stood back to back so we couldn't look at each other. We're passing a phone behind our shoulder like this. Cause I couldn't look him in the face. He couldn't look

at me. And that's how we did that call. And I could feel his back shaking and I'm shaking, but I wouldn't look at him cause I was going to break. And that's how we, we now that call him like the second one. Dude, I mean, that thing is a masterpiece. Like I was, I played that for so many goddamn people. Hold, you can look that one up, hold every point of brother on the phone. I mean, I can't, I lost count of how many times you guys say the people just fucking just hanging in there. I don't know your ability like to do that stuff. You were like a master. And what I always love is it starts with the most simplest idea and then the levels of comedy becomes so complex. And to the point like, there's, sometimes I just stopped laughing cause I'm just appreciating

like the depth of the comedy. It's like, how are these guys not fucking laughing? You know, was a big fan of the Verzi me and Paul Verzi. Like he sends me your shit. I'll send him some shit and we just start fucking cracking up laughing. There's like the amount of times we like back in the day before he started, you know, blowing up and selling tickets and shit, we would be on the road and we would just put you and Don Jameson on and just sit there fucking crying, laughing. And then like afterwards, like the second level of laughs it was talking about like, how do you not laugh through that? And then quoting all the lines. So I, you know, totally recommend the new terrorizing telemarketers volume seven. There's a track on there. It's

called fiance. It's 18 minutes and one second long where this guy's calling about to get me some mortgage. And I go, I, I just, I go, can you hold on? I got food. I'm food coming at the door. I got a food order. He goes, yeah. And Don Jameson picks up. He's like, hello. He's like, yeah, he goes, uh, he goes, you just talked to my roommate. He goes, cause I told the guy, yeah, I'm getting married. I need a mortgage. I'm getting married in two weeks. I go, let me, knock at the door. So Don goes, yeah, he said, did he tell you he's getting married and mortgage guy goes, yeah, he told me he's getting married in two weeks. He's looking for a mortgage. Yeah. He goes, I just, I don't know if you should marry her. And the guy's like, yeah, look, I don't

know. I don't know. I just trying to sell a guy mortgage. I'm just letting you know I'm his roommate. And, uh, I had a fair word of like a week ago and the guy's like, whoa, he's like, yeah. And he's like, and Don's like, listen, I don't know how to tell him. And, and all of a sudden he goes, oh, he's coming back now. He goes, can you tell him for me, please? All right, here, hold the phone here. And I get back on a call. Oh, I go, you just talking my roommate? He goes, yeah, yeah. I go, okay, cool. And he goes back into his pitch. He doesn't want to tell me. And then Don picks up. I go, oh, he goes, yeah, he goes, uh, I go, I'm on the phone. He goes, okay, did he tell you? I go, tell, tell me what? He goes, he didn't tell you. I go, what were you supposed to

tell me, sir? And he breaks it to me. Oh my God. You got to hear it. It's 18 minutes long. This guy's trying to counsel us. And we're just like, you know, Don's like, well, she was really hot. What was I going to do? And the guy said, you don't do that to your roommate. He's like, she's like a nine and a half. You got to hear it. How do you fucking come? And you guys were like right next to each other. And you're not breaking at one point. He goes, I do. I really thought this was a prank call. Obviously it's not. And he's counseling us like a therapist. Like, why would you do that to your friend? I'm like, should I still be his friend? He's like, no. And Don's like, can I still come to the wedding? It's you got to the level of it.

It's the most uncomfortable call of all time. How the fuck to people? Because I remember with like the jerky boys after a while, like Frank Rizzo's voice was so fun. That character was so iconic. I think it became difficult for them to get people where your voice, I mean, I think it's so distinguishable, but you still, you got like that underground thing still that you can still get like, I would just think that they would be like, that's fucking Jim Florenti. One out of 10 calls. I'll get that. Yeah, I know who this is. Dude, I'm a fan. Oh, am I gonna know what you're talking about? And I get busted on my guy and hang up. They got me. So one out of 10, they'll recognize my voice. All right. But other than that, they don't know.

I don't know. It's just, you know, people random calling. I guess I know my voice, so it's great. Dude, you're the only guy that has that voice. You've been fucking with these people for 20 years. For 20 years, I've been doing it. I remember we're editing the new album, my kitchen, and my son, who's 12, and his friend was always like, your son is 12. Yeah, he's like, you guys are so immature. That was coming from 12 year olds for guys in their 50s. I'm like, we're onto something. Yeah, you just turned 12. Like, you must have been just doing this just for the fuck of it when you were a kid. I was, because I was always grounded. You know, I was always in trouble. I went to Catholic school,

was just causing problems constantly. All right. For younger people out there, before there was like star 69, you used to be able to do that. And you could like trace a call, like you used to just call up and prank call people was just like something you did when your parents were at home. And like, there was people that had it, like to like an art form. And my thing was, I would always, always start laughing. I just was, I don't know what it was like, I just thought fucking with people was the funniest thing ever. And like, you know, if we were in school, and we started fucking with the teacher, I was always the guy that just started cracking up laughing. It was just like my favorite thing ever. Like, as much as I made people laugh,

I wasn't really a class clown, because I always thought to get your stripes as a class clown, you had to have two things, the ability to keep a straight face and also not give a fuck if you got sent down the office, like you just didn't give a shit. Yeah. And like, I was a funny guy in class, but I wasn't like to the level of these like, you know, these guys always getting detention and getting suspended, like my parents would have killed me. So I kind of stayed in my lane. And when the first time I started hearing recordings, cranky anchors and all that stuff, I was like, Oh, this guy, this guy is like, you know, like, I remember like as a class clown, when you went to summer school, that was almost like an all star team of class clowns and fuck ups

where I was so I was like, man, I thought it was funny. This is like the big leagues like these guys are like, given the teacher shit and a few of them like cursed in class. And I was just like, Whoa, like, what is this? It was all of a sudden like, Oh, my God, this is 100 mile an hour fastball. I'm not ready for this. So I kind of like, you know, I kind of kept my mouth shut. I would always be laughing and shit. But like, I couldn't hang with like the big dogs or something like that. So that's what I love about the stuff that you do is it reminds me of all that. And I can totally see like, like who you are. So I also want to promote your specialty before I get too in deep with this other stuff, bite the bullet on Amazon. Where did you shoot it? And Fairfield

Theater in Fairfield, Connecticut. Oh, that's great. Yeah. So like 700 seat theater. It looks amazing. Perfect shot it for super cheap. Don't tell Amazon that's super cheap. Well, they, you know, yeah, whatever. But yeah, so the two shows that I basically, you know, got attendance paid for the special, which is insane, which, you know, eight years ago, I shot one for, you know, almost 200 grand. All right. They finally made some backyard equipment for the star of a spaghetti Western solo stove. Huh? Are you that bad boy James Dean character that comes in town and wants to feel warm by a fire, but doesn't want to have to fucking strike a couple of pieces of flint together? Solo stove, you know, there's something special about fall that brings us closer together. And

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to light it for you. Um, that's solo, solo stuff.com. I don't know why a picture of them coming in with a little top hat promo just, you know, like, you know, when they send a ship off, when they fucking crash the, uh, the champagne bottle, they have a little person come in with a little fucking flick and he lights it, you know, and then saying something from the Gershwin catalog. That's solo stove.com promo code bur for $10 off on the top of the fall on top of the fall event deals. Hurry. The fall ends November 10th. Uh, it's a great thing to get if you watch college football outside with your flat screen as the months start to get a little colder. Well, I think, uh, I don't know, I think the stuff that you're doing, like you have like

just like three things that I love prank calls, standup comedy, and then your show on Aussie's Boneyard. And I always like, I like, I'm, you know, I'm an 80s kid. So I'm always putting that on. And I just recently saw, uh, there's a new documentary on Randy Rhodes, which I find just to be, uh, his whole career and the whole, uh, guitar player scene out here in the valley in the seventies and eighties to just be like, this is never ending like fascinating story. And what this documentary communicated really, it showed how long he was in. Randy was in, um, quiet riot, uh, before he got the gig with Aussie. And, uh, and how, like, how Randy was like the, the, the shredder in Burbank and Eddie Van Halen was like the shredder in Pasadena. And

like one time they actually did a show together. I'm just thinking like, I cannot fucking believe that like two guys, that good at guitar were like, that would be like, you know, where I grew up was a big hockey town. And it would be like, yeah, two towns over is this guy, Wayne Gretzky. And in my town, we got this guy, Mario Lemieux, and you would watch them unfamous, like going up, going against each other. Um, like that whole scene out here, um, I really found fascinating. I was telling you before that, uh, um, Randy's mother started this school of music out here in 1949. And it's still here in the valley. I drove by it. It was like, and like Randy took like lessons there and stuff like, like the, um, I don't know if that would

be a good thing for you to talk about on like your show, but I was, no, you've been to a bunch of shows. So I was wondering, did you ever see Randy? Did you ever see Aussie? Five times. I met Randy like three times. How? I'm just, I'm a lucky fuck. Well, because I had two older brothers that were like five and six years older than me. So they would just take me to concerts. My parents will let them take me. So I was going to concerts when I was like 11, 10 years old, 14. So you must have gone and he only toured with Aussie 81, 82. Yeah. I sort of showed three nights in a row when I was living down in Florida at the time and I would wait outside the venue. I cut school and I went to venue was like three miles from my house. I walked at a venue and waited outside for,

for Aussie, for the band to come. I like two in the afternoon. So Randy pulls up in a taxi. I start talking to him for like 10 minutes before he goes in the venue. I go, Hey man, can I go see the sound check? I was at the show last night. He's like, Oh man, I'd like to get in, but I can't. Then they did a record store appearance. I met Randy. Wait, wait, wait, what was he like? He was cool. He was just tiny. He weighed like a hundred pounds. He was like five to maybe a hundred pounds. I mean, almost like anorexic. Well, you see Aussie fucking picked just grab one leg and just pick them up. Yeah. I mean, super tiny, but super nice. You know, and I met him at a record store appearance. Aussie would always have the band there to sign. So I

got his autograph. I got a picture with not a Mac, not actually in the picture when I go, Randy, I get a picture. He's like this. I'll show you the picture after the show. He's got his thumbs up and I took it. He was behind the counter. I gave it to Rudy Sars on friends of Rudy's. Like, dude, I never saw this picture. Yeah, it was on my frigging camera roll. But yeah, so I saw. He's like the nicest guy. I met him a couple of times. Rudy's the best. Super, super, super nice guy. And that was like Randy's best friend. And that's a, Randy got Rudy in the band at one point. But yes, so I wound up seeing him five times. I was in the front row for like three of them because it was general mission back then. Aussie wasn't a big draw when he was, when he had Blizzard

Vaz when that first came out, when Randy was in the band, he was doing like 1500 people, 1000 people because he was probably considered like a dinosaur where like that was before like you got to think like the Rolling Stones as much as they were considered old. They were like in their late thirties when, when he started his, his solo project. And like he was probably considered like a Sabbath considered a sixties or seventies band seventies, seventies to seventy eight, pretty much they were, but no, he was 31 and they considered him washed up when the Sabbath threw him out in like 79 because you were back then, right? He really thought he was washed up. Everyone like they started, remember, remember 20 years ago, every comic doing jokes about the

Rolling Stones being old and wearing diapers on stage or whatever, like, and they're still going strong. Now they're not even old anymore. Like no one makes that joke anymore. Jagger's still out there at 80 frigging working a stadium like a maniac. Yeah. Well, that's what I always felt with like Aerosmith. Like Aerosmith was never viewed as old because the Stones were always 10 years older than them. So they got to be like, no one ever said Aerosmith's getting older. I feel until like now when they, they, you know, hits like, like, I know Steven Tyler's maybe 70 or 72, but like I had some friends of mine just saw them in Fenway Park. I'm like, dude, they sound fucking better than ever. Like absolutely destroyed. I was just like, fuck, I would have loved to have

seen them at Fenway because I saw them at the Boston Garden in 1989, December 31st, 1989, like the last day of the 80s on the pump tour and Skid Row opened up with Sebastian Bach, just fucking animal. Oh my God. Oh my God. And that guy, Snake on guitar. Yeah, Snake Sabo. Oh my God. Like they just fucking ripped. And then Aerosmith came out and they had this really cool like Boston like subway thing that they kind of came out. I vaguely remember that. And we did the countdown with them. Like I spent New Year's with fucking, you know, with with Aerosmith at the Boston Garden. And I was just like, I thought I was like the luckiest kid in the world. And I mean, dude, I was like fucking, you know, they played at one end of the arena. And I was like, sort of

mid level, like behind what the gold tender would be at the opposite end of the ice. Okay. And I still remember that show is just fucking like amazing. And I think that, you know, all of those bands like blaze the trail for like bands like you two, like why can't they keep going? Why can't all these other people just kind of keep going? Or like guys like Bob Dylan and all of that, why can't they why can't you just keep going? I remember Keith Richards had like the best answer when somebody said like, well, how long are you going to do this? And he just laughed. He goes, when he goes, I'm a musician. He goes, this is what I do. And he's like, I would do this in front of five people. He goes, I love it. And the guy goes, you love it that much. And he goes,

he goes, when I open a guitar case, and I just smelled the guitar, he goes, I want to crawl in and close the lid. And he just said it with like such a love and passion and this big smile on his face. And it was just like, how do you fuck with that? Like at that point, you're just mad because a guy found what he loved and he's enjoying himself. I don't know. That's it's almost like stand up. Like, you know, I always start like when I'm an early 40s, go maybe I'll do it to like a maybe early 50s and then I'm done. And then I'm now I'm at 50s. I'm like, I love it. I love it even more. Like I don't even know when I thought I was going to stop at some point. I could see myself if some club will take me at 73 74 still performing. And I'll tell you

like, what else am I going to do? I have a more appreciated now than ever. Right. And I'll tell you the guys that don't enjoy it. There's just like the guys that resent the younger people coming up. Like there's nothing that's going to suck your fucking life force. Like it's like, dude, there's there's nothing you can do about that. I love watching new comics come up and come in and break in and stuff like that. I never got jealous. Even back in the day when we started, I was like, there's going to be 500 channels. Everyone there's room for everyone. I remember when Sue Costello got her first deal, she would say that sitcom for a little bit about Fox, all the New York comics like, oh, well, she doesn't deserve it. I go, they weren't looking for you.

They were looking for a fucking female. That's so funny. Like a guy bitching about her like, oh, were they going to give it to you? Yeah, was it up to you and Sue when they gave it to Sue when they did decided, okay, it's good. I remember that I'm like, who cares? They weren't looking for you. They were looking for her. Do you know what my and I'll tell you too, like my goal in this fucking business was to be in at the improv's and sell them out. That's all that. Like that's how like the biggest comics when we started out, that's all they were doing. There was a few guys like Cosby and Carlin and maybe Steven Wright. I'm trying to think that the people like, I remember like Carlin would play, ah, fuck, what's that gig up in New Hampshire? It's this classic old

rock venue that like Zeppelin played old Orchard Beach, maybe. And there was a, there's this venue up this great fucking venue. There's like no air conditioning. And I would always get booked there in the summertime to be sweating, just feeling like a real fucking like showbiz guy. Like you're up there James Brown sweating like that, even though you're just standing there telling shit jokes. And the only reason why you're sweating is because there's no AC, but like there was a few like, I remember like, I remember doing like this guy, Bob Marley had some hell room up there, like the second floor of a bar that you do stand up. And we were both, I remember talking to him about that, like, man, Carlin's down the street, he's playing in front of 700 fucking people.

Can you imagine that? And dude, he just comes in and he does New Hampshire and then he fucking leaves. It was just like, there was nobody like that. And then there was like TV stars, like, like all those in living color guys, like when they came to town, they played the comic, they did six shows sold out at, at, at, at Fanuel Hall at the comedy connection. It was just like, holy shit. Oh, like Brian Regan would come in and do the club like that whole doing theaters. Like that was like some Steve Martin bow and arrow through your head. Like, like right, that was rare. You're right. That was rare. Yeah, like he had like when he had the white suit with the bow and arrow and the banjo. And it was just like, Oh my God. But like, you know, or dice,

they would like, there was these occasional like Eddie Murphy, just juggernauts. But Eddie had stopped too. Yeah. At that point, who knew he wasn't going to come back. But that just, that just wasn't that when we were, when we were coming up. So I don't know what my fucking point is. I just remember, I remember a lot of comics that were around, that were around for a while, the veterans, the headliners, when we were coming up, they were all jealous of us. They, they were so miserable, because we were up in common and stuff like that. And you still, those guys that are still around, they're still get, they're still jealous after all these years. I'm like, who cares? Let that shit, they would get so mad that we started doing well because me and Norton were

good friends. We were roommates and Norton was killing in front of them. Like, take that joke out. Take that. You're too dirty. These fucking Jersey guys are filthy. We get a lot of shit. So, and they were trying to take our weapons away and be mad. I'm like, Hey, if you're a headline, you got to fucking deal with whatever's on in front of you. I would, that's why I never told the comic what to do before me. I don't care if you do the fucking arms in front of me, whatever you got to do. I go, I got to do my job. So like, I never worried about because all these arms, remember they get me, remember the guy who would get up on stage, some, some from the crowd get behind him with the arms. He goes, so I'm driving and I'm smoking a joint and they're

behind them holding them. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that would kill. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love that bit. I know. But every comic would close with it. And you couldn't follow it. I had a scratch my crotch and it had a girl, you know, oh, and she would go close to whatever in the crowd would go nuts. Oh, my God. And it was like nine headliners. When I first started, I had that, you know, the closing bit as the arms. And then we got mad when guys are doing original material and killing, you know, before. But like I said, I don't get jealous. I love that all these upcoming comics are doing well. No, you want somebody to make your fucking work. And then there's another thing too is like, you just have to understand like every generation

has to have their bands, their comedians and all that, just be fucking cool, fucking help them out. And then you know what, you'll get to play their grandfather or something and you'll get sag insurance in your 60s. Who gives a fuck? None of us have real jobs. These aren't real jobs. We're just fucking around here. I always tell people, I go, if you're not a dick in this business and if you're in it long enough, you're going to get stuff. Just don't be a dick. There's going to be a few people you're going to tell off. But as long as you're not a dick people, you know what? Yeah, I'm going to give that guy something. Yeah, he's a good dude, whatever. You also have to do what you do. You're one of those guys, like most of my friends,

I feel like all of us like created opportunities by like, nobody said, hey, you should you should record these prank phone calls. You just started doing it. You started putting them out and all of that. I was just had, you know, Joe List on here. We were just talking about that as far as like, you know, he had an idea for a movie and he got together with Louis CK and they sat down, they wrote it, they cast it, they shot it and they fucking put it out. And like that's, I don't know. I mean, unless you look like fucking Brad Pitt. And what comic does who do who does? I mean, that guy's like pushing 60. He still has abs. He's still fucking gorgeous. My wife would walk away from me in front in front of me if she fucking saw him. And it's just like,

you know, those people, um, it is nothing to is, you know, done a couple of movies now. And I've I've worked with the few of those fucking people that I like that. And I'm telling you, dude, they are just another level of good looking. And you, you're looking at body parts you never look at. Like I remember Sandra Bullock. I remember her forearms were beautiful. Really? Like she was just holding the, those are the most beautiful forearms I've ever seen in my life. Is this like, they're just different. They're just like movie stars. There's been like, I did a table read one time with, oh my God, I just, I just spaced on his name, the guy from fucking Knight Rider. Hasselhoff. David Hasselhoff. I did, I did a table read. I was maybe going to get a part. And

then I did the table read. They're like, yeah, fuck this guy. Dude, I sat next to that guy, dude. One of the top 10 most beautiful looking guys on like, if you couldn't draw a better looking guy, like he's got like the fucking, the curly hair that just doesn't thin at all. He's got the fucking jaw with the little dimple in it, the fucking chest. He was tall. He smelled good. Like I was just like, I was just like, this guy is like, just like chiseled. And it's just like, I totally get why this guy's here. Why this guy's keep, keeps fucking working. And then like, you just feel like this troll, like you should be dragging a leg when you, when you come in. So I always tell people like, listen, man, you know, if you don't look like these people and then,

and though it's funny about them though, is after they're in it for a while, like they still have to, like what I love about Brad Pitt is he could have, he could have just been the good looking guy. And like, he's like one of the, like low key, one of the best fucking character actors out there. Like he's like, I'm trying to think like, dude, that, that, that, uh, what was that talent? I'm so bad remember the names of two romance when he plays the stone or on the couch. Yeah. When he played the serial killer and with the one, the David Dukovny movie, when he played in seven, when he played in the Nazi killer one, the Tarantino one, whatever the fuck that one was

called, uh, fuck you Rudolph Hess. What was it called? Inglourious bastards. Inglourious bastards. Money ball. When he was great, like he could speak German and then he couldn't. He was fucking hilarious. Uh, those, uh, lock stock and seven smoking barrels. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ocean 11. Snatch. Sorry. That's a yes, snatch. Yeah. Yeah. No, he could easily want the romantic comedy route and did 10 of them. Those cookie cutter ones because he's the good looking dude. He never went that way. And then I think, uh, that, um, uh, once upon a time in Hollywood, him and Leonardo DiCaprio, like, like that's like my favorite performances and I love all of their shit. But like what, I watched the movie, I was saw that three fucking times. I just went to,

kept going to movies. I just fucking love this movie. I love the cars. I love the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love the Tarantino reduced, you know, Manson family had like this aura about him and Tarantino reduced to him, to a bunch of hippie shitheads who didn't want to get a job. I know, I know. And it's like, I was looking back. I'm like, yeah, that's kind of like what they were and they really were stupid and they followed this fucking idiot. And then they went out and they actually destroyed beautiful people's lives. And this woman who had this whole career ahead of her and like, you know, I'm a dumb guy. So it took me like three times of watching it to like really fucking see his message in that. And I thought like, uh, and one of my favorite things in that,

I got to see it for a fourth time is I don't think anybody says hippie without saying fucking hippie. It's always fucking hippies. Bunch of fucking hippies. Yeah. When he's got the fucking margarita mix. Oh yeah. Yeah. He's sipping on. He's like, what is that? Bunch of fucking goddamn hippies or whatever. I was just like, I, I absolutely, uh, there's so many subtle, uh, like the humor in his movies is incredible. But, uh, let's, uh, what about in Pulp Fiction when, um, Harvey Cartel's comes over as the cleaner because they shot the guy in the backseat and Tarantino's freaking out. Hey, my wife's going to be home a little bit. You got coffee. I got coffee. And he gives a cup to, uh, to Harvey Cartel and Harvey goes, mm, like, it was just, it's one of the dead guys.

Got to, got to clean up his wife. No, that's that shit that like that's that stuff. There's so much humor in like, like he has really dark shit in his movies, but they're fucking hilarious. Like I actually still, to this day, I think one of the greatest, like, uh, black comedy, dark comedy, whatever you call it, uh, gallows humor is, is, uh, is good fellas. Like the shit that they're doing, these guys were like sociopaths and they were fucking hilarious. My, I watched, my son watched it the last week for the first time. He said it was the greatest movies ever seen and he's 12. He, because I didn't appreciate the humor because he's laughing at Pesci, the shit that he was saying. He's dying laughing. I'm like, you know what, I didn't even, like,

I know it was funny, but I'm just like, and he's just told it because he knows him from, uh, what was the movie he did with, uh, what's the fuck? What is the lawyer? Oh, my cousin visit. Yeah. My cousin Vinny. So he loves Pesci from that. And I go, you got to see my good fellas. I'm showing them mob movies, but I, I, he's dying at the, at the humor and it's so fucking fun. You know what's underrated? Everybody who quotes that movie, what's fucking underrated is when, uh, Ray Liotta rests his soul when Henry Hill stands up, uh, Karen for that second date and Pesci's acting like he gives a fuck. No, he really liked you, man. I mean, you should call him, you know, just completely not giving a shit. And, uh, and then the way

they played that scene when she comes up, like, screaming at him and like how all the guys are like laughing like, oh, you see him. He's kind of smiling. And like the way Ray Liotta played that where you could see he's attracted by like her fire and her passion and that she comes up and she doesn't take any shit. And all of a sudden he sees her in like this and all of that, that's not in the dialogue. It's all like the look on his face. Um, yeah, man, it's a, it's like a fucking masterpiece. So, um, that was great. When he shoots, uh, you know, a junior, he's like, yeah, you killed him. I'm a good shot. I'm a good shot. What do you want from me? I'm a good shot. Yeah, whatever. I'm a good shot. Well, you're digging the hole. Like I've never

taken a hole before. I'll take a hole on him. I'm a good shot. I'm a good shot. He just can't. Oh, and then one of the, like, Frankie Carbone, he's like, nice game. Nice fucking game. Like, like somebody, like somebody brought up politics or something. It's like he literally just murdered a guy. Yeah, nice game. Nice fucking game. Um, do you have any, uh, stand updates or anything like that that we can promote here? So I don't, uh, I don't forget to do this as I'm hackily looking at the funny bone Omaha, Nebraska, October 14, 15. All right. I love, I love Nebraska. It's great. And, uh, high units, comedy club, Fort Worth, Texas, November, like fourth and fifth. All dates are on my website, gym, florentine.com. All right. Good deal. Well, you've got a,

I just don't feel like I asked you enough music questions. Tell me, we started talking on. Well, Randy Rhoji, I mean, I, you know, I, who else, who else did you see with your older boy? And when was your first concert and who did you see? I saw Black, I saw Van Halen on for Black Sabbath on their first tour Van Halen at Madison Square Garden. Where was I? You're not that much old. No, I'm not, but I told you, my older brothers and my parents will let them take me. I saw Bond Scott. Did they blow Sabbath off the stage? No, they didn't. And that's a big myth because the album, I even asked Naomi on that metal show one time, like did they blow you off stage? He goes, no, they didn't. Their album was only out for about four months. I think it came out in

like March. This was August, but there was only two songs playing on the radio. You really got me and running with the devil. But weren't you also like, you know, when Eddie broke, it was like, this guy sounded like he was from another planet. No, we got the album. I mean, my brothers, because like, oh, who's this band, opening Van Halen? Let's go buy their album to see what they sound like. Oh, this band's good. But you know how they used to do it back in the day. The headliner band would fuck with the opening band. They'd mess with their sound. They'd turn it down. Yeah. They'd give them like 30 minutes or 35 minutes and they would have a little part of the stage. And everybody was so stoned there because that was when everybody just passed a joint down

the row and everyone was just smoking. It was all sabbathole. Pre-COVID. Pre-COVID. Yeah. It was just, that was the first time I smoked weed. Pre-Monkey pox. That was the first time I smoked weed at 14. Oh, you wanted to fit in. They were passing a joint and it came to me and my brothers, they looked at me like, can I? And he's like, yeah, go ahead. And that was the first time I smoked weed at that show. Did you get high? Did you do great? Oh, yeah. I was fucked up. But it didn't hit me till like three songs, like three songs left the Sabbath, which is good. I didn't get high right away. Fucking guy. You probably in that crowd shot from the song remains the same. You know what Madison Square Garden? When they put the lights up and it's just nothing but hair.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Because you know back then, people didn't know how to grow their hair out. They should just let it go. They wouldn't layer it. So it'd be like, it'd have to make it go down to here. It'd have to come out like this far. Like it just looked like a bunch of muppets. Who else did you see? I saw Bonds Got Twice with ACDC. On what tours? Let There Be Rock and Highway to Hell? No, on Highway to Hell tour. Two times. Def Leppard open forum on through the night, their first record. I saw it. So they had that Pete, what's his face? Pete Willis. Oh my God. He was in the band and Highway to Hell just came, or maybe it just came out or idea came out. And then I saw ACDC open for Ted Nugent in 1979 at the Garden, which Joey Diaz was at the same show.

I didn't know. And ACDC and Bond brought Angus out on his shoulders through the whole crowd. That was what Highway to Hell just came out like that week. So I saw Bond twice. And they opened for who? They opened for Ted Nugent at the Garden and then they did the play to him. I was going to ask if they blew him off stage, but I know the answer to that. No. No, because I mean, AC... Ted Nugent is just fine. Yeah, Ted and his prime was unbelievable. And ACC was just breaking in the States with Highway to Hell. Like they didn't have, that was the album that put him over to top, started to put him over stop, back in black, put him in arenas. But even Highway to Hell, it took a little time for that album to hit and Highway to Hell started playing on the radio

at the time. Before that, they didn't have any hits. Right. They didn't release. I bought a great album of theirs. They got one live at the Paradise in Boston, which is the first place like when bands would come to Boston. Sting played there in the late 70s. U2 played there. And ACDC, dude, it was this little fucking club. So it was with Bond. Yeah. Oh yeah, it's with Bond. And it's a live album. It's just fucking great, man. They just sound amazing. And then it's sort of, you know, it's a bootleg, but like legal now. Yeah. And well, it was basically the WBC and the radio station recording, I think. And then somehow they worked it out. So what they have for the cover of it is outtakes from the Highway to Hell band photo album. Oh, really? Yeah. So

I forget when they took it, when it was recorded. I want to say it was before... Was there anything on Highway to Hell on the live recording? I'll have to go back and look at it because my stereo is on the fritz. I moved the stereo and I bent the fucking, the prong for the wire. So I haven't been listening to anything lately. But all right. So here's... Did you know that the way Dirty Deeds done their chief, that album, they didn't even put it out in the States. They didn't think it was any good. It was only available in Europe until back in Black Hit. That's when they put the album up for the first time. Yeah, they came out in 81. And I remember not understanding, like, why is this... And it was out in 70... I had the copy from 1978. My brother's had it when I was a kid. So we already

had the bootleg copy of it. Well, it wasn't an album. And it was in Australia. It was on, like, that was part of the high voltage. They had a TNT album. They had a TNT. They also had a Dirty Deeds with Bond had a big, like, a character of him with a big forearm. When I went down to Australia, I bought all of those for all my siblings on CD. Yeah, it was like a really bad drawing too. Yeah, it was horrible. It started coming with the striped thing. And he's, you know, he's singing like this and it's just, like, totally a rubber. Yeah. Like, really, like, all right, who's sister through this shit who's in, like, art school? Well, unfortunately, I got to go back. Let's finish up this fucking edit thing I'm almost done here with. But dude, I got to tell you,

like, I'm such a huge fan of you over the years. You're one of the best guys in this business. And I'm so happy for all your success. His new special is Bite the Bullet on Amazon Prime. He has a new terrorizing telemarketers, volume 17, 18 minutes and one second. Yeah, a track called Fiancé. If you listen to anything, just go to Fiancé, wherever you listen to music and just hear how long you will talk about uncomfortable. It's one of the saddest. It's just sad, the track. It's sad and evil is what it is. Well, I do love that the guy actually finally, because a lot of times, like, you would do shit and the guy still tries to make the sale, like, you would act like you had, like, mental issues. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was drowning.

I drowned my grandfather in the tub because I was giving him a bath one time and he wouldn't shut up as the woman's giving me information. I stick him under the water. I drown him. And he's not breathing. She's like, well, you better call 911. I go, what's the information real quick? So I want to get this. She goes right back into a pitch. It's great. I used to do telemarketing and I would have been one of those people that goes back into the pitch. The great Jim Florentine, everybody. Please enjoy the music coming up next picked by the wonderful Andrew Thamelis. And we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday, morning podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, September 29th, 2014. How the heck are you? Oh, that's good. You know, it's always great to hear that you're doing well. What are you doing right now on your Monday morning? Huh? You're driving through the fucking rain. It's goddamn windshield wiping, right? Trying to clear your fucking windshield so you can see that awful building that you hate going into. You ever get the urge to just fucking keep driving right by it, you know? What if you don't make that left? What if you don't make that right? What if you just keep going straight? What would happen? What if you took your cell phone, you threw it out the fucking window,

and you just kept going, and you didn't talk to anybody, and you just kept driving, you got a credit card on you, right? You got a debit card, you just keep fucking driving right up and over the hill, right past that fucking soul-eating goddamn place you work at, you just kept fucking going. Are you commuting right now? I want somebody to do it. Throw your cell phone out the fucking window. Just keep driving. I want to know how far you get and how long you can last before you come back with your bottom lip quivering because you realize that you don't know how to start a fire without a match. You ever think about that? You ever think about how stuck in the matrix you are as you drive to work on a fucking Monday morning? Why do I assume

that all of you hate your jobs? Maybe you love your job. Maybe. Maybe you love it. Maybe you're like a job. I'm going to tell you some jobs that I think that I would actually love. I would love being a veterinarian. Oh, I don't know about that. I'm seeing animals in pain, but you can get them out of pain. Then you got to deal with the weird owners. I wouldn't mind some pet owners. I would be like the owners that like, I don't know, they never found love, so now they love their cat. It could just be a really sad place. I think the first thing I would do if I was a vet would be, I would try to become some sort of specialist. I got to enter through the back of the veterinarian place and I never had to talk to the owners. I don't want to meet them.

You know, kind of how like I handle people who advertise on this podcast. I never talk to any of them and anytime they fucking complain, I just give them their money back and then that's it. But I never get on the phone with them. My advertising person will call me, you know, send me an email and just be like, oh, they want to talk to you about your last read. Do you have any availabilities this week? And I just say, no, I don't. What about next week? I don't foresee myself being available ever. If they didn't like the read, I understand it. I mean, forget about what I said derogatory about their product. How about the fact I can't even read their goddamn copy? You know, that alone. I just give a full refund. There you go. One free awful read for you, sir.

Enjoy your goddamn, whatever the fuck it is, your soliloquies, whatever the hell you're trying to sell. Get your soliloquies here. Well, if it makes you feel better, I feel like doing that sometimes too. I feel like just fucking, I don't know what I feel like doing lately. I've just felt like, I don't know, going to Wyoming, you know, and talk to them real people that put them pants on one leg at a fucking time. You know, go out there talk to some homophobic racists. You know, that think their neighbor got probed by a fucking alien? How about that for a nice change of pace? Get out there on the open road, fucking run over something in a rental car. You don't even know what it is. You're so far out in the bush, you don't even know what that fucking ammo was.

If it wasn't on four fucking legs, you would have thought you hit somebody in a bushy coat. I don't even know what I'm talking about. And you know what? I don't give a fuck because I just have to get through this thing this week. I just got to somehow babble for another goddamn hour so I can get on with my day. What can I talk about here? Oh, last week I mentioned that I was going back to Boston, right? Going back to Boston for the spring time. I was going to go back and go to Derek Cheeter's last game at Fenway. And what ended up happening was I ended up getting busy out here and I, you know, this business, show business, it knows when you're going to go do something fun. Oh, wait a minute. He's going to go do something for himself, right? So I didn't go

back Friday. You know, I just, I'm just too fucking busy. So I ended up giving the tickets to a buddy of mine and the day I sent him out, all of a sudden Cheeter said he wasn't playing and I got to admit for the first time in his entire career, I was upset with the guy. I was like, no, why the fuck would he do that? Everybody went out and spent all that extra money. You know, they want to pay their respects, blah, blah, blah, blah. You wait till everybody buys their tickets, then out of nowhere. Oh, you know, I don't think I'm going to play one of the fucking best games in the United States. You know, I was acting like a fan, a selfish cunt. Fuck what you want to do, Derek Cheeter. Do what I want you to do and your career in a way that's convenient to me. I actually was doing that.

Then I kind of watched the highlight of the Yankee game when he hit the walkoff, right? And I was just like, yeah, that's the way it should end. Why was I getting mad at him? That's exactly the way it should have ended. Kind of like Jordan, you hit that last second shot granted was for a championship. That's how it should have ended. He shouldn't have come back and played for the fucking wizards. All right. And people were saying, Ted Williams hit that walkoff home run for the Red Sox, and then he sat out the last three games of the road trip. So I guess he had a right to do that. But you know what? He ended up coming up anyways. I didn't even pay attention to it. I watched a little clip of it on the internet his last hit. He got an RBI chopper over the third

basement. It was playing in. So I guess there was a runner in scoring position. The runner scored. He got an RBI against the Red Sox. I guess they gave him a nice ovation and all that type of shit. And I don't know. Once I read that he was tired, all the media and all of that type of crap, it's just like, you know what? Fuck that. This guy's been in the public eye for 20 goddamn years. Okay. He doesn't know anybody, anything. If he wants to blow off the last couple of games, fuck it. You know, so whatever. I'm actually oddly sad and melancholy that that guy's careers over actually looked at Wikipedia to see if it already said Derek Jeter was a professional football player. Fortunately, it didn't. Still said is a professional baseball player because I

guess he hasn't put in his retirement papers yet. Do you file those afterwards? I have no idea. But um, I don't know. But as cunty as I was for those like 24 hours when he said he might not play. Nobody could top the neediness of Keith Oberman this week. The way he fucking finesse those stats. I've never seen a guy so desperate for fucking love and acceptance in my life. All I heard after like the first fucking minute of that Keith Oberman shit was this was a guy he want. He wants everybody to say about him, what they're saying about Derek Jeter. And it's just like, dude, you're not that guy. All right. You had fucking ice cold parents. They didn't hug you. So now you don't even know how to accept the love that you want. So you push it away. That's why you're

getting fired every fucking six weeks. That's why you go on TV and you say stupid things like, Mr. President, shut your mouth. Oh my God, that guy redefines horses ass. I can't believe anybody even watches that. He comes off like a fucking cartoon character. He was part of his criticism of Derek Jeter was he said he won four championships at the in his first five years, right? This is part of his criticism that he won four championships his first five years. He goes, how many did he win the last 14 years? He only won one. Oh, what a piece of shit. He only won five. And you know what? Actually, that was great criticism by Keith Oberman because a lot of people don't realize that not only did Derek Jeter play shortstop for the New York Yankees, he also was their GM.

And he he made all those decisions to sign the Kevin Browns, to sign that $200 million fucking albatross that's been hanging around their neck. Alex Rodriguez, a rod, right? Now, though, those were all Derek's fucking decisions. Give me a fucking break. That was one of the um, I don't know, it was pathetic. It was actually he came off like a manager of a wrestler, and he was trying to sell a fight. So he was just arguing the other side. He was pulling like a skip Bayless Bayless. I couldn't even say I've almost forgot his name halfway through it. You ever do that and you start to forget the name, but you know, it begins with a B and you just go with it. Rewind what I just said. Listen to how I said Bayless. I could never do that again.

Bayless. Yeah, that guy, I don't know. I just completely lost my fucking train of thought now. Oh, yeah, he completely forgot to bring up that the guy had 3400 hits forgot to bring all of that up. It was just oh, and then he did that really fucking taken out of context cheesy fucking thing where the egos, you know, Derek Jeter is not the greatest Yankee of all time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then they fucking show Jorge Posada saying that he's the best. You know, it's, it's his teammate. What do you think he's going to say? You know, if they actually asked Jorge, but do you think that he's fucking, you know, do you honestly think that he's better than Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig and all that? He would

obviously say, look, you know, at least I would think he would. He would just say he belongs in the same sentences as those guys. And I wouldn't argue that. You know, I used to think that Derek Jeter was overrated. You know, before I moved to New York, and then once I went to New York and I started watching him rooting against the Yankees every night and I saw that other shit that he did. Three game losing streak. They finally get a rally. Somebody gets a hit and the guy scores. Who's the first guy at the top of the step and the dug out the fucking captain. All that shit that a guy like Keith Oberman, who's not a fucking team player, Mr. President shot your mouth. Who the fuck would ever have the fucking balls to go on television

and reprimand the president? You know, sitting there talking like you're in the Pentagon. I swear to God, some people, you know, you give them a little gel in their hair. You give them a suit and put a camera on them. All of a sudden they think they know shit. So anyways, he was either, he was, it can't speak. He was either doing that or he was just fucking, he was just being a contrarian just to get some ratings because I never watched that guy's show. I just don't. Yeah, what was the most amazing thing about Keith Oberman is how big he is. I remember when he went on Letterman, Letterman even said it like you are a large man. Like he just is fucking gigantic. Like he could have played. He's like a fucking refrigerator with a head on it.

But I haven't said all that, you know, I gotta tell you, from Keith Oberman, I gotta be wondering why he said all that shit about Derek Jeter. Hey, you know, it was great this week. No, no, no, no Ray Rice shit. I didn't watch any pregame, but I didn't hear anything about it, which is great that that died down just in time for a month of that pink horseshit coming up. I already started to see it some fucking bottle pink lemonade. Just in case you forgot in the last 11 months, there's something out there called breast cancer. And it's a bad thing. We need to find a cure. Just in case you forgot that it exists. We're going to paint everything pink, this month. All right, we're going to tell those children in the sweatshops in El Salvador that

when they make the pink shit for the NFL, make it extra pink this year, just in case anybody forgets. Oh, Jesus, I thought I was going to be in a good mood this week. I'm like extra country here. Did you guys watch any of the NFL football? I did my usual. I told you my new thing. I watched the early game and I tape another one. I watched the four o'clock game and I tape another four o'clock game. And then I take the Sunday night game and then I watch the one one o'clock one for o'clock. Then I watched the Monday night game and then Tuesday, I watched the one o'clock game Wednesday, I watched the four o'clock game Thursday, I watched Thursday night football Friday, I watched Sunday night football and then say I watched the college football. It's fucking brilliant.

I can't believe how many years I had a fucking DV before I figured out to do that. It's perfect. So this is what I watched this week. I watched the Jets versus the Lions and I taped the Packers versus the Bears and then I, you know, I know what you're thinking, Bill, why the fuck, why didn't you just tape the fucking Jets game and actually watch the Bears Packers? One of the oldest rivalries in the national football league. Why didn't you do that? It's because, you know, Patriots are in the AFC East and I just wanted to see how we would match up against the Jets. I've watched them two weeks in a row. I think we're going to have trouble with them because, I don't know, we had trouble with the Raiders.

We lost to the Dolphins. We had trouble with the Raiders. The Dolphins pounded the fucking Raiders. Now, I know this is just all horseshit. It's just the first month of the season, but it definitely, I don't know, I'm not feeling too confident about the fucking team. And I don't know, Rex Ryan is one in three now. One in three. And I don't know, I was talking to Verzi. Verzi's picking the Eagles and the Colts to be in the Super Bowl this year. And I have no idea. Everybody just kind of, Seattle blew me away the first week. So did the 49ers. And now both of them are looking kind of, I'm not saying they're bad, but they don't look unbeatable. And I don't know, 49ers look fucking terrible today. As did the,

I don't know, Jesus Christ, I watched so many fucking games. Who the hell were they playing? They beat the Eagles. The Eagles look terrible today. Fucking terrible. It's like nobody wanted to win the game. I'm like, these are two of the elite teams in the fucking league. I mean, how many times, the 49ers taking all those penalties, Kaepernick, they got a giant clock. You see the play clock. The fucking guy lets it run down like two, three times during the game. I don't know. I don't fucking, you know something? The Eagles are the Eagles. I don't believe in that coach and I don't believe in that quarterback. I just don't. He just doesn't seem like a, you know, if he goes down, who do you got? You got Mark Sanchez. All right. Who used to be a jet. So he's

got that curse on him. And then he went to the fucking Eagles. Who didn't fucking Mark Sanchez piss off. Then he goes to the two fucking most cursed goddamn teams in the NFL, both in green. Well, that's a good thing. He went from the jets to the fucking Eagles. I guess the only good thing about that trade is he didn't have to buy some new boxes. I know. I know. I'm talking a lot of shit this week. And as you can tell, I don't know any of the player's names. Anytime I watch the jets, all I watch, uh, the prick, a Shaw fucking Ferguson, that's all the only guy I watch. I just watch a man handle somebody on the outside of the line there. And other than that, I'm just, I don't know. I always get a little bored with football by the

end of September because I just absolutely fucking OD on it. And, uh, but then what the cure is, is now they're going to dress them up like a bunch of new, you know, newborn baby girls for the next month. And, um, you know, which of course is going to just fucking annoy the shit out of me. I, you know, this infiltration of the NFL with all of this shit, I'm telling you, they're, they're going to just, they're, they're gradually women are gradually going to take over the NFL. This is my prediction where Paul Versey predicts Super Bowl winners. I like to predict random shit. Like my prediction to Paul is that Rex Ryan is going to have an altercation with a fan this year. I don't think physical, I think he's going to, he's going to have a fuck you, fuck you fight

that is going to be caught on camera either as he walks out of a stadium, his or somebody else's, or it's going to be outside like a Hooters or a Waffle House. It all depends. Till one in three, you know, the heat's getting turned up and, and he is, uh, that guy's wired, he's got a short fuse. Okay. And I can relate to that. So I know he, he's people are going to start saying shit to him and he is going to fucking snap because that's the way he's wired. And, uh, I don't wish it on the guy, but, uh, whatever he says is going to be fucking great and probably put on a t-shirt. I don't know if that's going to happen, but I'm predicting that. That's one of my, that's my first prediction for this year. If you just want who's going to

fucking, you know, lead the league in rushing, you go listen to the Versey effect. All right. If you want to hear the fucking, I don't know, flying saucer, Illuminati shit, you listen to this one. All right. And if something comes in, I'll say I got lucky. Uh, that's the difference right now between me, a goddamn gentleman and that fucking animal from New Jersey, Paul Versey. Now listen to the Versey effect. He actually, he's pretty good at picking a Super Bowl guy, Super Bowl guy, Super Bowl team. All right. So here we go. That's my first prediction. Rex Ryan is going to have an altercation with the fan, uh, that is going to get him fined or at the very least put on TMZ. All right. Number two, my next prediction is over the next

10 years, women will infiltrate, infiltrate the NFL to the point that, um, they're going to fucking ruin it. They're going to ruin it. I don't understand why they have to be a part of it. Is this sexist? I don't understand. I don't get it. It's a men's football league. Can we just have one thing? They're gradually creeping in. They got the whole month of October with the fucking, uh, with the pink stuff. They got that. And now, now they got the ladies, they got them down on the sidelines. They got to go down to them every fucking 10 minutes, check in on them. What do you think there, Ethel? Well, they're saying it's a high ankle sprain and he's wincing and pain and he cannot put any weight on it. That's all I got down here

in the sidelines. Thank you very much, Felicia. Oh geez. She does a wonderful job. Um, and then eventually they're going to be like, well, why can't we be in the booth? Then they'll be in the booth. Why can't there be an all female commentating team? Then there'll be two of them. And then that's, then the escape is gone. The escape is gone. What, what, you know, a healthy relationship is, is, is you got to have time away from each other. See, you miss each other. You got to fuck off the ladies. They got the late women have to be able to take off, go have a fucking glass of wine with all their girlfriends and then just talk about how lousy in bed you are. They need that. So then they can come back and just fucking

deal with you for the next six days. They have to have that. And that's, you know, guys are no different. Why don't women start their own football league? Why are they, why are they, I'm going to get so much shit for this. Why don't, why do they keep fucking bellying up to our bar? You know, fucking beat it. Look, you know, I'm fucking half joking here. I'm only half joking. Um, do you know how bad I would love to somehow get in a room full of feminists without them knowing that I was a standup comedy and go on, go on a panel. All right, with like those black framed glasses and just start saying over the top ridiculous shit like I just said, right?

And just, just see how mad I could make them. Oh God, those are the things I fantasize about. Like if I had the ability, like one of those fucking, who those fucking nerds that nobody understands and they can make fire and ice, you know, they make the, they made like 20 movies, Halle Berry's in it. She has all white hair, the fucking the mutants there. Nobody understands us. It's a, it's a fucking metaphor for nerds and racism. I got it. The first 18 of them. Jesus Christ. Just get on with the karate. What the fuck are they called? Not the impossibles. Oh my God. I have no short-term memory. I keep thinking the fantastic four. Like for some reason, I keep picture them all in blue. What are they called? The expendables, the impossibles, the

mutants. Now it'll come to me, whatever you know what I'm talking about. And then the guy from Star Trek is one of the guys and he's in a wheelchair. Oh my God. What the fuck are they called? Begins with an eye, doesn't it? Invincible. Whatever. I don't fucking know. I don't even remember what my goddamn point was. This is, this is, this is why I'm a comedian. There's like this, this, right? Can you imagine if I actually had a responsible job? The fuck was I talking about? I was talking about women pissing them off. Oh, then I said black frame glasses and then that made me thinking of that fucking Rex Reed guy who's actually a critic on the gong show. He's not the fantastic four guy. But his last name, his name was Reed, wasn't it?

I don't fucking know. Speaking of Reed's, I went to Griffith Park the other day. Every once in a while, I'll drive all the way over there and there was this Asian couple and one had a clarinet and another one had a saxophone and the woman with the clarinet was killing it. And she was standing about 20 feet away from her husband who was blowing fucking clams. All right, fucking clams. And it was fucking hilarious to me because I don't know if he was just out of practice or whatever, but it just cracked me up that she was walking away from him because she was playing so nicely. I can only imagine how like the fact that she's actually a musician, how bad his playing must have sound to her pitch perfect fucking ears. But she loved the

guy. I'm just assuming all this, but she loves the guy so she fucking tolerates it, but she just steps away a little bit. Fuck you. I know none of that made sense, but you know what? You play a clarinet with a Reed, okay? I don't know, a saxophone, do you? And you got a mouthpiece. All I know is after you play a while, you got to blow out the spit. All right, let me do a little advertising here. Jesus Christ, I got the yips. I was doing great there for a minute. I was doing great there. All right, let's get back to what the hell I wanted to talk about. How far into this are we? 30 minutes. 30 minutes. So what did I do this week? Nothing. I just did more writing, more writing, more writing, more writing. And this weekend, I have, what do I got? I have

Davis Symphony Hall, October 4th. We added a second show. How great is that? I am excited and we're going to, I don't know, I'm going to do stand up all this week. I'm going to tighten up everything that I want to tighten up. And this is my first road gig in a while and putting a little bit of pressure on myself. San Francisco is an unbelievable comedy town for whatever reason. Who knows why? They are a great comedy town. You never know why, why one town is going to be better than the other, but they're one of the best out there. So I can't go up there and suck because those Bergenstock hippies know comedy up there. I always like going to San Francisco because it's that weird sort of cross section of people, right? You got the hey man from fucking

San Francisco and then you got the absolute animals coming in from fucking Oakland, you know, and then you put them all together, you add alcohol and it's, it's a fun show. Everybody gets a chance. I didn't know what I'm talking about at this point. So anyways, yeah, I didn't go back to Boston and I stayed out here and worked on this fucking thing. I'm trying to get on, on the ground off the ground, I should say, played a little bit of drums. So I can tell you, still fucking with that double pedal, still struggling along. I'm going to stick with it. You know what? Fuck this. Let's just get to the questions for this week and maybe this will, this will, this will spur something on here. Gambling problem.

Dear Billy Betts. I get it. So Billy Betts, I like it. I like it. Here's a gambling problem. I get it. I have a gambling problem. Not the kind you think. I've always enjoyed a bet here and there but never made a life of it. In the last few years, I've developed this anxious twitch. I think about what I would bet on and worry about my hypothetical bet the entire game. It's nuts. Should I just place a small bet every now and then to scratch this itch? The thing is, I don't like gambling. It's the thought that scares me. What? So the reverse might be like back in the day when your old man made you smoke a pack to break the habit. Thoughts? Oh, I see. Um, no, I wouldn't gamble. Dude, if you're already twitching

like Fred Flintstone, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Anybody almost 50 and remembers that episode, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. Fred Flintstone started gambling and he had a fucking problem with gambling and they didn't have gamblers anonymous yet because they made those episodes in like the fucking early 60s, I think. And um, when Fred started spinning out of control, you know, if anybody just said like, Hey, you want to put a bet on that? He would just, his eyes would start spinning and you go bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, like freaking the fuck out. And it was weird. Like he had this unbelievable gambling problem for one episode and then it all went away. It all fucking went away. Um, and that's, you know, something I have

given you guys more goddamn history about the Fred Flintstone show. You know, when you really think about it, if you continue to listen to this, this, if you go back, I should say, or if you've been listening to it continuously, I think that that's what I was trying to say. I told you how it was based on, I think they, they ripped off the honeymooners and then they had that one episode where they were making fun of the Beatles and Elvis where they were like, bug music, I can't stand bug music. And uh, what ever happened to that Georgia boy? I think that was making fun of Elvis because he had kind of fallen off and he was from, he was from Mississippi. Um, anyways, what am I, let's get back to this guy here. Uh, dude, if you are obviously, if you already have

a nervous twitch about gambling, what like, that's like, Hey, you know, I fucking sit around and fantasize about killing somebody. Should I go out and just kill one person just so I kind of get it out of my system? No, I think you should, uh, I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. That sounds like you need some new age shit, you know, you go get hypnotized or something. But I would not start gambling too. And gambling is just, it's fucking brutal. Um, gambling, you know what it is about gambling? Like it really, uh, it takes your soul in a different way. Um, then say like drugs and alcohol do where they like physically, you know, change your appearance and all that type of stuff. You know, you get the

gin blossom nose or if you're doing harder drugs and stuff, you get emaciated or if you're doing fine, you know, what is that shit that they do out there in them crystal meth, you know, you start looking like, like the petrified version of yourself. Um, gambling is just a, I don't know, I had a couple of friends that really had an issue with that and that was just a darkness that was just over them at all times. And you went into their place where they lived and you just felt it. You just felt the fucking, uh, yeah. Yeah. So dude, you consider yourself lucky that you never do. And if the worst you ever do is not gamble and just sit there twitching. Um, you got off easy, believe me. Um,

yeah, let's leave it at that. All right. Rex Ryan, I'm actually looking it up right now. Rex Ryan, I'm going to see if they're already calling for his job. The New York media, you know, Rex Ryan, you know, Rex Ryan, New York post, let's see what we get. Let's see what we get. Oh, I got nothing yet. No, I probably looked up the wrong thing. I'm the fucking worst when it comes to this shit. New York's post sports. Here we go. Hey, do you guys think Derek Jeter will go into, uh, broadcasting? I don't think he's going to. I think he's going to fucking fade away in a cool way. Like, uh, oh shit. Struggling Gino screams, fuck you with a fan after Jets fall to the lions. Fuck. I had the wrong guy. Dude, I almost called it. Jeter puts fitting Kappa on brilliant

career. Ready or not, here comes a rod. Oh, my favorite Yankee of all time. Oh my God. The greatest thing that ever happened was Alex Rodriguez going to the fucking Yankees. Let's see if they got anything. Jets, um, gang pilot must be bleeping act together. Report card Jets having D problems. Well, Red Sox learned from Mariano Fiasco, give Jeter a proper tribute. Oh, did we not give him the right send off? I'll go. What the fuck? It's fucking give me a break. We're supposed to give all of them a send off. Are you guys going to give big poppy your fucking big time send off? Jesus Christ. Fucking wine in New York media. Bunch of goddamn broads. All right, let's get back. Yeah, you know, you learn something with that bad fucking Tupperware party that you

threw Mariano Rivera. Well, you know what? Thanks to Mariano Rivera. We fucking blowing that goddamn game. We had the greatest comeback in fucking baseball history down three games to none. All right, we gave him his tribute the next year when we were getting our rings and we gave him that big ovation. Oh God, you know something that's one thing I don't miss about living in New York is that petty shit. They always think that like Boston has issues with New York, you know, which we definitely do, but they got issues with us. So fucking there's kind of even there. Like when we finally won a World Series, those pussies actually made a t-shirt that said 26 to six, like we have 26 championships to your six. That's how fucking childish they were.

They have to fucking 86 years of rubbing our faces in it. They were going to have one rough winner, right? Couldn't take it had immediately. Oh, we got 26 of them. Oh, was that a disgraceful moment in your fucking history? All right, Syria. Dear General Bill, need your thoughts. Is ISIS horseshit? I mean, we know we gave them weapons, but there's still, but there's still had to had and need. Jesus Christ, guys, I can't read, and then you fucking leave out words in the sentence. I mean, we know we gave them weapons, but they are still had and need to be stopped. People, please try to proofread this shit, but we're not good at stopping anything in that region. You're president and in command. What is

the move? Yeah, the mood is we pull out very slowly. This is what we do. This is what we do. The only reason why any of those cunts have any fucking money is because nations like us are still driving gas combustion engines. So this is what I would do. I would try to jumpstart more car companies over here like the Tesla company, try to get GM and all those other fucks to do the same thing. And then we just don't need them anymore and wean ourselves off of oil. And then they would just slowly go bankrupt. The entire Middle East, their entire fucking economy as far as my complete lack of research goes is based on the fact that they're sitting on top of oil. So if we just stuff, if we don't need it anymore, what are they going to do? And then they are free

to solve their problems themselves, which they should be doing. And as far as you're saying, we're not good at stopping anything in that region, there's a reason for that. There's a reason why Russia goes into Afghanistan and loses. There's a reason why people go into that. The reason why we went to Vietnam and lost. The only way an occupation works, and this is brutally honest, is if you go in there and A, you're not leaving. Okay. And B, you commit genocide. That's the only way it fucking works. That's the only way it is ever fucking worked. And it is 100% the wrong thing to fucking do. You can't do that. So that's it. So it's just inevitable. They know eventually you're going home. So all they do is go, all right,

you beat us, you beat us. And then you walk around standing over there and they just sit there picking you off, making your life fucking miserable. Then eventually you're like, what the fuck are we doing here? Let's get out of here and then you leave. And then they go back to doing whatever it is that they were doing anyways. But I don't think that we're going to solve anything over there. And I based that on Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. I didn't have any idea about any of that shit, serbs and fucking Croatians and all of that. And I still don't quite understand it. That shit was not going on when I was born. There was already Czechoslovakia and there was Yugoslavia and all that type of shit going on over there. And they all had a common enemy with the occupation

of the Russians in their country. So they were against them. And when Russia fell, whatever the fuck that was, like 20 years ago, all of a sudden they got their freedom and they immediately picked up this fight that had stopped like, I don't know, 60, 70, 80, 100 fucking years earlier and they started killing each other again. So I mean, it's over. You'd have a better chance at getting Ohio State and the University of Michigan to like each other than you will having all those groups over there will get along. They're not going to get along. That's just the way it is. So that's what I would do. I would just fucking I would do a bunch of shit that would get me whacked way before I would ever

achieve it. That's what I would do. You know, it's basically it. Wasn't that funny? Jesus Christ, this is becoming too serious here. All right, let's maybe, maybe this is a, maybe this is a nicer one. Commission, dear Bill, you're the commissioner of the NFL. Ah, fuck, here we go again. What are the top three things you're doing to improve the league? This, this can include anything from scheduling to punishments to campaigning to relocate a team. What would you do? Oh, Jesus Christ, I don't want this fucking job. One of the top three things I would do to improve the league.

Um, I'd get Tony Saragusa a fucking chair. You know, didn't he give enough? This guy's got to fucking stand up the whole goddamn game with his back to those animals in the end zone. That's what I would do. I would give him a nice fucking end zone seat and a water cannon to fucking spray it all the animals behind him. That's the first thing I would do. Next thing I would do is I would move the kickoffs back to where they used to kick off, or I would just eliminate that useless exercise to begin with. And, uh, number three, I would call somebody in the MLB and I'd get rid of the DH rule. That's what I would do. Those are the three things that I would do to make football better.

This is what I would do. I would, I would, I guess I would, I would change, um, most of the new rules and passing, I would change it back. I would, uh, I like to know helmet to helmet. I really liked that rule. I saw a guy diving for a ball and it was past his outstretched fingers and he couldn't catch it. And this guy back in the day, it would have been helmet to helmet, would have come in perpendicular, would have knocked this guy out and probably hurt himself in the process too, a little bit down the road 30 years later when he was done, right? Um, and the guy led with his shoulder, hit the guy in his chest, definitely fucking brutal hit, but they both got up and were fine. And they didn't fucking

rattle their brains too bad. You know, I'm sure your brain still moves around, but I do like that rule, but, um, I don't know. I, I, I don't know what the fuck I would do. I don't fucking know. I get Tony Saragusa fucking chair and then I would step down and just say my work is done. Would that be okay? I would, you know what I would do? I would eliminate, um, the expression, get it right. I would eliminate that because it makes everybody sound stupid. You know, we got to get it right. We didn't get it right. Next time we're going to get it right. Get it right. Jesus fucking Christ. I mean, that's like fucking like cavemen could come up with a better. So

just fucking not saying anything that drives me. I fucking hate that expression. Get it right. All right. Let's move on to the next one. Jesus Christ. This is just scatterbrained this week. All right. Can't get laid. Uh, Bill, I'm a huge fan. I listened to all your podcasts and stand up now that I'm done sucking your dick. I love how you guys just can't give me a fucking compliment and then you feel all uncomfortable because you actually enjoy the comp, the fucking podcast. Just be a man and give me a goddamn compliment. You know, you're uncomfortable. I'm not uncomfortable. I enjoy the praise. He says I need some advice. I'm starting my sophomore year of college and I've never been more depressed. My high school

girlfriend broke up with me shortly after graduation and I haven't gotten laid since. It's not like I stay in my room all day. I have friends and I go to parties at least once a week and even though I never enjoy, even though I never enjoy myself, I just can't get a girl to be interested in me. I also have no idea what I want to do after college. And so I have no motivation to apply myself. The only reason I haven't dropped out is because my parents who are paying thousands and thousands of dollars, I don't drop out so they won't be disappointed. I work out every day and I try to stay busy, but most of the time I just feel terrible. I'm hoping you have some advice for me. If not, go fuck yourself and if you do, thanks and go fuck yourself. All right.

You obviously have a sense of humor. What would my advice be? You know what? I think you're trying too hard. All right, there's no reason to go to a party and not have a good time. Just go there and enjoy yourself. Don't worry about talking to women. Don't worry about trying to get laid. Just have a good time. Just enjoy yourself. Just go out in life and just fucking enjoy yourself. Okay. People are attractive to positive energy and somebody having a good time. It makes them want to be around you and next thing you know, somebody's blowing you. I don't understand why the universe works that way, but it does. I know I am overly simplifying this, but you know, it's good that you know that you're depressed. I was depressed for about 20 years

and didn't realize it because I was so used to feeling that way. I thought it was just the normal, you know, just a normal state of things. I gotta tell you this, dude, you are gonna get a girlfriend and you're gonna find love and you're gonna get married. Okay, but I gotta tell you, there's a fucking misery that comes to that life. All right, there's a great thing, but there's also a misery and she feels it fucking too. And that's a part of you. You're the individual you dies. So right now, dude, you are the 40 year old you is gonna look back at the fuck if the 40 year old you could get in a time machine and sit down with you right now and give you a fucking pregame speech before you went to that party. I mean, that would be like scared straight. He'd be right in

your face. You know, you have any idea what it's like to get up at five in the morning and change a shit adapter. You get to sleep 10 hours a fucking day. You can't put a smile on your face when you go to a fucking party single. You could fuck anything that walks. You go down to that 711. Look at me. You go down to that 711. You get yourself a box of fucking condoms. You stick them when you stick one in your pocket. Prepare for success. You iron your goddamn shirt. You get down there. You have a good fucking time. All right, you're only going to be this age once. You say something like that. All right. I'm telling you, you're only going to be this age once. You're in college, dude. You are at like, it's like you won the NBA

draft lottery. Women there are in the prime of their fucking life. Most of them are fucking single. It's going to happen for you. But if you're walking around and you're depressed and you're carrying that with you, if you're moping around like that, that makes people fucking, you know, not want to be around you. So I would say drinking is probably not a good thing because that is a depressant. So scratch that. I can't remember if I fucking told you to have a couple of beers. I wouldn't do that. I would just fucking enjoy yourself. I almost, you know what I would do? I would go do some shit for you. Fuck trying to get a girlfriend. Fuck trying to get laid. Fuck all of that. Just go out and what do you want to do? If you don't know what you want to do,

go out and go try a bunch of different things and have a good time. Dude, you're single. Okay. You don't have to fucking, you don't have to fucking deal with trying to figure out what's going to make them happy. Okay. Cause as far as I can fucking tell, there isn't anything that's going to make them happy for a longer than maybe a day. The amount of shit that you can do for them. And as you can tell, she's a couple of rooms away. The amount of shit that you can fucking do for them. And all it does is buy you a couple of days of happiness is just fucking baffling. And I got to be honest with you, a lot of women look at it guys and they think that we're fucking stupid.

And I think part of it is because they have the way their brain works, that multitasking, whatever is that shit talk that they always say, you know, that women can multitask and guys can't. Well, I would say that generally speaking, this is very general. I think men have an advantage when it comes to just being happy. You know what I mean? Like you wouldn't know it from my podcast and the way I talk and shit, but I'm happy. I'm happy as hell. And I've been happy for a long fucking time. You know, all I need, dude, all I fucking need the NFL package. I got a six of fucking millers in my, in my goddamn refrigerator. You know, I got a new pair of sneakers.

It's just some stupid bullshit like that. I order a fucking pizza. That's all I need. I'm happy the whole fucking day. You know, I go on a hike with my dog in the morning. That's it. I'm good. Simple, simple, stupid shit keeps me as a guy entertained. I don't have their high level brain that they're always talking about their ability. I like to do a thousand fucking things. Yeah, look at you. You're miserable. You're fucking miserable. So I'm telling you, dude, you're actually, you don't realize it, but where you are right now, dude, is you are in an absolute utopia. Do you know how many fucking guys right now would kill to be in your position?

They'd even take two years and not getting laid. Who gives a fuck? Rub one out. Get on with your goddamn day. You know, get on with your fucking day of being single, not having the answer to anybody, and having the option of hitting on any beautiful woman that catches your eye. Take a trip anytime you fucking want. Go wherever you want to go. Do whatever the fuck. Dude, you're never going to get, and your parents are paying for your fucking education, dude. You're never going to be freer. All right, so start looking at your life that way.

And I'm telling you, you're going to have a different fucking vibe. And I, you know, and I'll tell you right now, you start doing that. Good things are going to happen in the national football league. No, I'm serious, dude. Something good is going to happen, but there will be a time in your fucking life. I'm telling you, where you will be married, you'll have kids, and you'll do that whole fucking thing. And that will be its own sort of utopia, but it's, it's, I don't do. This is a very, it's a beautiful selfish time in your life that you should embrace.

And you should not, uh, you should not spend it feeling bad about yourself. All right, so there you go. Good luck to you. Okay. Relationship problems. All right, Bill, first of all, I would like to say thank you for all the podcasts. Now go fuck yourself. There you go. That's how it's done. Beautiful. All right. Well, I'm in my early twenties soon to be the youngest regional manager in my company. So I kind of feel that I am moving in the right direction. My biggest problem right now has to be commitment relationship.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about six months now. So we are seeing how things work. So, so we're seeing how things work, right? This guy's must have spoken to his phone. Well, lately these things, uh, things have not been too great. She, she complains about everything. If I'm not home or out with the boys of the gym, or if I don't respond to one simple text, her jealousy is really taking its toll on me. Whenever she sleeps at night, she'll talk for hours on how much she hates work and just fuss about

how I don't do this or how come I do that. It's fucking annoying. I have not cheated on this woman, nor have I put myself in any type of physical situation with her. So why the burden? Well, I hate to add more, but here it is. My biggest issue with her, it has to be her son. Yes, her son. He is turning four in a few months, but it's such a pain. I know he is a child, blah, blah, blah, but this child doesn't know how to talk. Use the restroom and think screaming for everything or throwing a fit will get what he wants. Is this her fault? Uh, yes. That's what this guy says.

Bill, I am a father as well. My soon to be five year old son is annoyed by this kid. Dude, you're in your early twenties and you got a five year old son. Jesus Christ. Whenever we go out, her son tries to take all my son's toys and then chooses what he wants to watch and what he wants and when he wants to leave. I suppose my question to you is, should I simply continue to help her out? Be with her slash be with her. She is the breadwinner for her family supporting her mother who just had a baby and is unemployed. Dude, is this a Jerry Springer transcript and two younger brothers plus her son? Financially, she's in a hard place. So I help her out when I can. I feel guilty leaving.

I feel guilty if I left her right now, since I know she's very attached to this relationship and it may affect her and I wouldn't want everyone else to suffer. Should I say fuck it? It's not worth my unhappiness and my son's discomfort towards her son. Or should I just say fuck it, ride it out until her mom finds a job and or she trains that little animal of a child. Right. All right. Here's the deal, dude. You fucking said something about three quarters of the way through it. First of all, you know, with all this stress she has in her life, supporting all those other people probably has a lot of the reason why she's fucking coming at you. She's taken out

her situation on you in a little, a little way, I guess there, but you said, where is it? I feel guilty now since I know she's very attached. Should I say fuck it? It's not worth my unhappiness and my son's discomfort. All right, dude. So you're unhappy and your own son is not comfortable. All right. I think that says something right there. That's what you need to fix right there. You need to be happy and your son needs to be comfortable or you have to leave and it's not your fault. You know, she lives with carnival people from your description. All right. You gotta be selfish in a fucking relationship when you're single. Okay. And you're going to commit to somebody before you commit with them. You got

to be selfish. You got to be making sure at the very least you being with them makes you happy. That sounds like a fucking nightmare. That situation right there sounds why I waited till I was 45 to get fucking married. So I guess what I would say is if you feel like you could somehow I mean, not leaving, not breaking up with somebody because you feel like it's a bad time. It's never a good fucking time. All she's doing is getting more and more attached to you and all you're doing is taking more and more days away from her where she could be going out trying to find somebody else. So if that is not a reason to stay. So if you feel like you could try and work it out, you didn't mention once in any of that that you loved her. So I don't know. That

sounds about it as miserable a situation as I can think of. So, you know, but at the end of the day, it's going to be your decision, but that relationship is definitely not firing on all cylinders. And if you're going to stay with this team, you need to create a new culture in the locker room. All right, here we go. Summertime is over. Bill, the circle of seasons is cruel and beautiful. I missed the summer already, but I'll enjoy the fall and the apple related feelings. I think I had a fulfilling summer. How are you grading this summer? A plus because Billy got some son or F because Bill got some son. How am I grading this summer? I don't fucking know. I survived it. Kind of a fucking question is that that's not even a question.

Answer that question. All right. That's it for this week, everybody. I want to thank everybody for the all the tickets sales up there in San Francisco. I'm really looking forward. You know, I'll need it, man. I haven't done a stand up road gig in a while. And I've been doing that for 22 years and you do the road as long. Well, I really started traveling and seriously doing the road rather than just driving around doing hell gigs outside of Boston. Probably been doing that for like 17 years, right? Yeah, 17 years. So, you know, it's in my blood, man. I got to do it. So the next, the next three dates I have coming up Davis Davies kept saying Davis Davies, Symphony Hall in San Francisco, two shows

this Saturday night, October 4th, then I'm doing the spotlight spotlight casino in Coachella, California, October 11th. And then my next date is at West Palm Beach improv on November 14th, because I'm going to a couple of football games out there going to the Thursday night game. And then I'm going to go see the Miami University of Miami against Florida State, which is hilarious because I'm going to have to fucking listen to them doing that Tomahawk chop shit. Oh my god. But anyways, so I don't have a lot of road dates because I've been trying to write this show. And then also I'm trying to put together the new hour before I hit the road. And so basically, if you're wondering how the next year is shaping up as I'm finally going to do that Australian tour,

then I'm going to do some club dates at some of my favorite stand up clubs around the country and get that act ready to go. And then I'm going to do a nice theater tour. And I am hoping to do another European tour. And this time actually add along with the all the countries I did before, I'm going to try to do an Eastern European leg this time to like Lithuania, Estonia, Albania, all of that shit. I'm going to try to just see how that goes. Why not? Right? Why the fuck not? So I'm really looking for I'm already looking forward to the new year. October's coming up, right? I got to get my pie crust game together. Make my fucking pumpkin bread, you know, all fucking purpose flower. Anyways, that's the

podcast for this week, everybody. I apologize. I know it was a little rocky this week, but if I didn't do it right now, I wouldn't be able to do it in the morning. So anyways, what are we going to do here? I got nothing. I didn't get right. Next week, I'm going to try to get it right. I have no one to blame for myself. And I take full responsibility. That's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves and remember my predictions. What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the Anything Better podcast, Bet MGM NFL Preview Edition, going into week number four. But before we get started, we got to talk about our great sponsor, our great app, your great app, your favorite gambling app.

It's the Bet MGM app. As you guys know, we've teamed up with Bet MGM this season. We'll be using Bet MGM lines to make all of our picks. And we'll have special offers for our listeners each week. If you haven't signed up for Bet MGM yet, what are you doing? Use bonus code, B-U-R-R, and you'll get 100% risk-free up to $1,000 on your first wager. Here's how it works. You download the Bet MGM app, simple enough, and you sign up using bonus code, B-U-R-R. Very simple. Then you'll receive $1,000 in free bets. And if you lose, just make sure you use bonus code, Burr, when you sign up. They're giving you up to $1,000. So there you go. It doesn't get better than that. They'll put some change in your account. You have a good time. All you got to do is...

He's got a curiosity poll. I don't want to insult you or your Italian heritage. With this question. But where's the mob in all of this? Bet MGM's just muscling in on their territory and they're just laying back saying, no, they got to be getting a piece of this. Hey, man. Hey, you know, not for nothing. We've been kind of running this game here since before they had FaceMass, you know, going back to AutoGram. So, you know... Can I talk to you for a second? There's an easy way to do this. And then there's the other way, which, you know... Who's in charge here? Can I? Who's in charge? No, no, no. We got sandwiches. I just want to talk. You got you on a coffee? That's my favorite thing about the mob is there's always food involved,

even when it's a conflict. No, no, no. Sit down. We're going to go get some... Remember when they were going to kill more? Well, at least in Hollywood there is. I wonder how it is in real life. I bet it's not that way. I bet it's fucking scary. I don't think there's a big band playing when you go to walk in and get whacked. I like to do in the Hollywood movies. Leave the gun, take the cannolis. One of the greatest lines in my history. Clemenza, I believe. Oh, yeah. Take the cannolis. So, I have back-to-back bad weeks going one and three, because the New York Giants offensive line stinks. Bill goes, I believe, two, one and one, with the tie, with the bears, and we are getting close. I'm about that Dolphins pick, Paul. Don't

blip. That was my masterpiece so far. Dolphins pick was your pick so far. And Bengals was it? I don't know why I didn't say I didn't talk more shit. Bengals coming off two losses, and the Jets won, like they're going to fucking win two in a row? What I was thinking. Your Dolphins pick was like when you go for a round of golf and you hit one, and you go, it's the shot of the day. That's the shot of your season so far. That's a good one. It would have been more impressive if I didn't, you know, I pushed on the bears. Who knew the fucking Texans were going to show up? And then Seattle had a chance at the end. I didn't know Marcus Mariota. I forgot he was the quarterback

of the Falcons. I still would have taken Seattle, though. Paul, I got to talk to you about this week, though. Something that I noticed this week, Paul. I noticed that. When I went to the Bet-M, when I went to the Bet-MGM website, you know what I saw, Paul? A lot of threes, a lot of ones, a lot of threes and a half. You know what you got this year, Paul? You got parody, a gambler's nightmare. The fucking game could go either way. This could be a hard year, dude. I actually saw that, and I was trying to look. This is like, I looked at it before, and I'm going, I thought what you thought, I go there close, and then I was like, there's a lot of games I'm not touching. So I'm thinking, I'm wondering where Bill's going,

because half these games, I want nothing to do with it. No, this, Paul. There isn't a game this week that I go, oh, yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah, I got that one. So Vegas is patting themselves on the back right now. Who goes first this week? I go first this week. And wait a minute, just real curious, Andrew. So I went three in one, one in three, and one in three. Oh boy, we're, I'm two under five, one or two under 500, Bill, we got to, we got to beat the book here. I mean, as much as we fuck around with each other, this is really about us making our listeners money. And who's getting who? Our egos. So we can walk all the book guy, you worried about him, I fucking beat him two years in a row. That's what we want. This is who I'm good. All right,

this is my go to for the first one. Paul Verzi, coming out of the shoe, coming out strong with a big victory. Come on, Paul, we need some wins. They are at home. They also lost at home last week, at home again. Good team on the road, coming home after a loss. Paul Verzi theory all day. No, they've been home though. They were home, they were home for the loss and they're home again. I'm going to take Tom Brady, I'm going to take Tom Brady for the simple reason that I don't think he's going to lose two in a row. And I don't, and I've been saying I don't believe in the chiefs. The Colts beat the chiefs and I think Brady's going to beat them too. And that game is minus one. So I'm going to take the bucks at home with a bounce back, beating my homes.

I liked everything you just said. I liked everything you just said. I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Paul. I don't know why. I know what you're going to say. I know what I'm taking the Miami Dolphins tonight, plus three and a half, because I just think athletically, they're a better team. Bengals are a little hit and miss. They had that big thing. They're both four days off. I just think that the Dolphins are just physically more a superior athletic team. Can I tell you something from the bottom of my heart? I like that pick. Oh, shit. Well, the way you've been picking them, you're picking them almost as bad as me. Hey, easy. It's only three weeks, only three weeks. Oh, Paul, I got a giant goose egg on my

fucking head. I already had to wear the dunce hat this year. You know what I like about that? I like that you're getting the half a point two, three and a half and you're getting, I like that. All right. My second pick, I believe in the Detroit Lions and I believe the Detroit Lions are going to beat Geno Smith. Okay. In Detroit. Okay. Minus four. I think Detroit has a breakout game. Four? It's minus four. Oh, I like minus three, minus four. Minus four makes old freckles, nervous over here. I think Detroit wins this game by seven or more and they have their breakout week of the season because they've been right on the cusp. I'm going Detroit Lions. I just like that you've been paying attention to the Detroit Lions as you call them. Did you hear what their

coach said? That guy is the best. He just goes, he puts a thing down and he goes, he goes, no, no, I don't sleep. He goes, after wins or losses, I don't sleep. And dude, he meant it. His face, he goes, no, he goes, if we win, I don't sleep. If we lose, I don't sleep. He goes, it's a quick hour nap. It's back to work planning. We just got a plan. I was like, that guy, if that guy's not divorced by a week eight. All right, I got one for you, Paul. I'll tell you who I'm taking. I'm taking the Titans getting three and a half in Indy. In Indy because I'll tell you, I don't think Indy, you know, they won big last week or whatever. I don't think, I think they got, they're running back still healthy, right? Yes. Brave still their coach. I like that one. That's

one of those games. Everybody's like, oh, the Colts are on track. Maddie Ice, here he comes. That's a trap game right there. And guess what? I think I just stepped in it because I'm betting on the game. That's a ballsy one. What'd you do if I just snorted this vitamin C packet? This is what they snort in Portland, Oregon. All right. Okay, let's see here. Okay, my, my third pick. Oh, it's getting slim pickings out there, Paul. As much as I hate to do this, as much as I hate you pulling a billy red face here, you bet against your own team. No, no, no, no. But close. It's close. As much as I hate to do this,

the Dallas Cowboys, the Dallas Cowboys are minus three at home against the commanders. I know it's a division game. That backup quarterback will cause a controversy with Dak. And Mark, these words here, we got it, we got it recorded. If the Cowboys win the next two, there's going to be talks to not have Dak back. And I have friends, Bill, you know, who I'm talking about that are die hard cowboy fans that don't like Dak and love this kid rush, but they looked really good, man. And they, their defensive line ran through ours. I'm going to take the Cowboys minus three at home coming off that Giants win. I think the commanders are going to win that game outright. You do. Yeah, because they fucking hate each other. It's a division rivalry. And it makes no

fucking sense because they got this shit kicked out of him by the Eagles last week. John Cowboys played good. This is a trap game. That's a trap game, Paul. All right. I don't want, I hate to do that to you. I don't know why I just did that. There was a county thing and I'm sorry. I'm rooting for you. I want to beat the book here, but I was hoping, I was hoping you were going to go commanders. That's a trap game. I think the commanders win outright. I'm rooting for you though. I am rooting for you. I don't want you to lose, but all right. I don't have the games in front of me here. The next one that I have, that I have on my docket, Paul, is... Come on. Oh, I like this, Andrew. I love the graphics this year. We stepped up our game. I could look at it right there,

Bill. It's on the screen. I know, but how come the fucking game isn't where I'm looking? I wanted to find it. Not somebody else. I'm taking the Pittsburgh Steelers minus three and a half at home against the Jets. Steelers aren't that good. Jets aren't that good. Joe Flacco has experience. I'll probably eat a dick on this one, but for some... You know what? I'll tell you this, and I don't have to, but because I'm a friend and I don't... Zach Wilson, they're starters back this week, so Flacco's not in. Oh, type of guy I am. Let's not forget it. Zach Wilson sounds like he's on the math team. I'm still going with the Pittsburgh Steelers minus three and a half. Zach. Every kid that was his spaz when I was a kid was named Zach or Seth.

All right. Here we go. I'm torn between my last pick, but I think I have to do it, dude. I might go one and three again. I mean, this is... It's always a rough one. I'm going to take the Los Angeles Chargers against the Texans. The Chargers are coming off a brutal loss. I know their quarterback was a little banged up with a rib injury, but I think that they can beat the Texans by more than five. I think they will beat them by more than five. I like that bet. I'm going to take the Los Angeles Chargers minus five on the road at Houston. I like that because last week Houston showed up. I don't think they got it two weeks in a row. All right, Paul, I don't know if you've noticed, who's the biggest underdog of the week? My New England Patriots. Oh, yeah, they are. I saw that

number is disrespectful. In Green Bay. Oh, yeah. I know, but what's his face? Matt Jones is hurt. He's got a high ankle sprain. I think we go to either Tom Owen or Scott Zolack after that. I got to look at the Def Char. I'm going with betting on another division rivalry game. These games are always close, so I like taking the points on those things. The Denver Broncos, who I think now, they're going to be four games with old fucking Drake. Who's their quarterback again? Playing the Las Vegas Raiders, getting two and a half. I think Derek Carr. Derek Carr. Not Derek Carr. No, I'm taking the Broncos. Oh, Russell. Russell Wilson. Well said. I think he has a breakout game with the Broncos. Okay. He's still fucking Russell Wilson. He's driving a new car. He's got

to see how it goes into the corners, how it comes out. All right. Yeah. The Raiders historically, Paul, for decades underachieve. You know, and that's why they're not going to, you know, both. We both didn't touch the game that I know I looked at, but then I kind of shied away and you didn't even mention it was the Bill's loss against the Dolphins and now they're three point favorites on the road against the Ravens. That's a tough one. I hate that game. That's a tough one, dude. I hate that game. I still have Phantom Lim with Ed Reed and Ray Lewis. I just still feel like they're still there. So I never, I always stay away from them. They always play well against the Patriots. I respect the Ravens. I just feel like Mike Singletary is with the Bears. He's just

there. He's in the middle. Like his, the vapor, the vapor from his career still lingers and people play better. That happens with the Giants. Somehow if you play in the Giants, you're just going to play good deep. You guys are just always playing good defense. You know, you love picking a random white guy from some weird fucking college, Phil Sims, Eli, Dave fucking Regan. Who's the guy you gonna date? Well, Dave Brown was the guy. Another alias you give to the cops. Now we have, now we have Daniel Jones from Duke has another alias. They're all, they're all alias names. These are all names you give to the cops when I was growing up. Did you have fun in Arizona? That was awesome. First live one guys, we got to do more of those. Oh, that's going to happen. You were talking to

some people there in Vegas about, about going to Vegas possibly. I would love to do that. And I just had so much fun. And I loved, I just love doing, what I love about the live thing is when you say something, somebody just, you see them in the crowd going, they stink. Oh, yeah. No. Boo. You don't even live. Chargers. You don't even live. Yeah. Oh, we're going to go over and then you just hear the under. Want to apologize to everybody for, for, for, you know what? Bill was kind enough to not let me go against, I wouldn't have gone against the Giants for the Monday night special. So we lost that one. Saquon did have a touchdown. Jim Florentine hit me up and the under did come in.

The under came in. Saquon ran one. And of course the Giants got their, the defensive line of the Cowboys ran through the Giants offensive line like a knife through hot butter. It made me sick. But I made, I made, you know, I made money. Florentine texted me and he goes, oh, he, this is him in my head is Bursey. Do you think, what did he say? He goes, the under over 72. Saquon going to go over and I go, he's going to go over. And at the end, he did. And, and so I was glad to do that. We got 40 on that touchdown run. It felt like, yeah, he got, I think he ended up with like 78 or something. He's still two overall in football. He's playing great. He's making cuts. The Giants offensive line fucking stinks. And you know what? This guy is off the

train for a while until I see a quarterback that could stand in the pocket for more than eight plays a game. So, but guess what time it is now, Bill? It's time for what? Oh, let the Monday night special win some money for you. Let the Monday night special win some fucking money for you. It is the Los Angeles rail, your wife now, because you can spend it on yourself. Get the radar and a new fucking driver. All right, the Rams and the San Francisco 49ers in San Francisco and San Francisco is minus one and a half against the Raiders. I mean, against the Rams, who we saw last week live in person in Arizona, Bill. This is a tough one. One and a half. The under over is 42 and a half. I hate all of those numbers.

Oh, it's tough. Do the Rams go back to back? Does McVeigh have them back? Back to back to vision wins. Or what the 49ers do last week? They killed somebody last week, didn't they? Andrew, you have that score? 49ers? Jimmy G. These things, all of these games this week, three and a half, two and a half, one and a half. What the fuck? I'll tell you, Paul, it's a wide open year this year. Niners, it was 10 to 11. 10 to 11? Yeah, 11. And who'd they play? The Broncos. Yeah, that was the Sunday night game. Watch that. Oh, the Broncos won. The Broncos won by one. By one, yeah. Oh, there's my homecoming theory.

Jimmy G. Jimmy G against that fucking lunatic number 99. That guy's going to be in his kitchen all fucking day, Paul. Cooper cup to get one. That's, that's, I mean, it's a shirt. Cooper cup to get a touchdown. Yeah. Cooper cup to get one. Donald to get a sack. No, they're not going to let us do that. And Jimmy G to make the women all swoon. Who do you like to win the game? I'm feeling 49ers. It's so, for me, that's a flip of a coin. I'll go Niners with you. You went, you went Giants with me last week. I'll go Niners with you at home. Jimmy G, Italian kid, hard for me to lay off. Let's do it.

I hate this game, Paul. I hate this game because I think the Rams have a better, they have a better quarterback. I like over 42 and a half. I like over it. You know what? These games have been real stingy lately, Paul. I think one of them's got to go nuts here. I'll take the over rooting for points. So what do we do here? We go, we can either go over Cooper cup and Rams are over Cooper cup. That's not easy to say. Cooper cup, Cooper cup, and 49ers. Do you want to go Cooper cup touchdown or Jimmy G throwing one? I don't want to go Jimmy G throwing one. All right. So we'll go Andrew. So we'll go over Niners to cover one and a half and Cooper cup to get one. You don't think the Rams are going to

win that game? They actually have a full size quarterback, Paul. Jimmy G is a little under size. They have an absolute fucking future Hall of Famer with a main streak. Yeah, but are Arizona, are the Cardinals just not good? That's the thing. Like the Rams have not been good until they played Arizona and the Cardinals have been bad. I know, but they also won the Super Bowl last year and they spent like 90 zillion dollars on five different players. They are stacked. You know, it's not cheating, Paul. They just found a way around the salary cap. That's all no one ever thought to do stuff like that. So it's not cheating unless Bill Belichick and Bob Craft did it. Then they'd be like typical

fucking Patriots. San Francisco hung with the Broncos. You know that there's fucking people out there, Paul, as a Patriots fan, I'm fucking sitting there listening to people defending Sammy Sosa, Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds going, everybody cheats. Well, the numbers are the numbers. They count. I hate that. Crying to say that they count. I hate that. I hate that it doesn't count. You know what my son said? Sammy Sosa is a white guy now. I mean, how much more fucking ever Steve? He went from juicing to bleaching. He looks like you fucking looking at 66. Come on. Sammy Sosa looks like you were the perm. So you know what my 13 year old son said to me? My 13 year old son said, dad, judge did it clean. No steroids. Now think about that. If those young kids are feeling

that, then they think the cheating sucks and everybody going, I wish everybody. Yeah, he's right. But why does why do people go? Something about steroids do steroids. You feel like it's the first game of the year, the whole year. You're coming up there feeling like a fucking, like you're one of those Marvel guys with your underwear and the outside is the joke goes, right? By the way, I got psyched last night when judge hit it, man, but dude, they showed how big he is. Dude, he's six, eight. He's two, they said he's two inches, almost two inches taller than Gronk and 40 pounds heavier. That's like the biggest baseball player ever. That's like, I want to say it is. I mean, I think the big unit was actually taller. No, Randy Johnson was, he was six, 10.

Any ornery? Oh my God. And they said his arm when he threw it like at home plate, it was like ridiculous, like faster because he was so big. Oh, it's probably was it 60 feet, six inches? He was probably like 58 feet, 57. It was like Bugs Bunny in the cartoon. So I just reached, wait a minute, how far would that be if he's at six, 10, like it's almost three and a half feet? No, ridiculous. But I'm with you, dude. I'm with you. These guys going, let everybody fucking juice. I want to see 100 homeruns. And I'm like, like, that's just fake. It's like, dude, I ran into an Astros fan. I got to take a little bit of this other shine off of it. And he's just like, no, no, I love it. I love it. Everybody does it. Everybody does it. Everybody

does it. All of these fucking cunts, Paul, for 20 years with the fucking Patriots from 2007, Spygate on, I got to listen to all these fucking people like they give a fuck about, about, you know, fucking cheating, like they give a fuck about any of this fucking shit. Now all of a sudden, all of their teams are doing it. Nope. And this one kills me. Yeah. Nobody has a problem. Where's ESPN? Nowhere. Nowhere. My thing is why have records are the hall of fame if it's, if it's manipulated. Dude, you can't have, this is my thing. Okay. Out of all the bullshit that I've seen, people do cork bats and all of this type of shit. The number one fucking thing, dude, is if you're on performance enhancing drugs, performance enhancing

drugs, it's bullshit. Out of everything else is fucking bullshit. And that'll let fucking crap about stealing signs and shit. I'm watching college games and every time a fucking coach is talking, he's doing this. They're always doing this, Paul. Why are they doing that? Because there's somebody over there with binoculars trying to read their lips, which is a skill, trying to figure out what the fuck they're doing. Do you hear what Aaron Rogers said? Paul, do you hear that? Do you hear what Aaron Rogers said? Paul, it's just that when we're fucking, I'm just beside myself because I really started to believe that everybody cared about a fair game. Yeah, but Bill, I just pictured a husband or a father fighting with his wife, talking to his kids, and his wife's like kind of

in here. He's going, all right, guys, we're going to go to his wife. All right, don't tell your mother I said this, but she's being an impossible bitch right now. So why are we fighting? Why are we fighting? I don't know why we're fighting because your mother has to be right all the time. She comes first before you guys. And someday when you get older, you're going to understand how fucked up that is for an adult to do that. God forbid I come home. We're going to go out to We're going to go out to your yogurt place. Do you want something? She always wants something. Why the fuck wouldn't she? She probably doesn't even want something. She just likes when I spend my fucking money. All right, someone's on it. Got it. Who's coming over for Thanksgiving? Yeah,

a bunch of people that she invited that I don't want there, but it's it's the holidays and I'm going to get to Turkey. P. D. Paul. Yeah, I don't mind a cork bat. I don't mind a fucking apple watch. I don't mind a fucking trash can. That shit's all funny to me. I don't give a fuck about that stealing signs. I don't give a shit about that. But if you're up there, dude, and you're fucking like three times the size you should be and you feel like you're brand new out of the box and game fucking 160. It's fucking bullshit. Yeah, I agree. And the fact that your eyesight, they say is better and it's a game of hand-eye coordination. Everything is sharper. Your pain goes away. Oh, you ripped something in your elbow. Yeah, I have no problem with steroids if everyone

doesn't. But if one guy's doing them and the other guy isn't, and you're breaking the record as some guy who did steroids or didn't do steroids, I mean, that's it's fucking bullshit. I'm with you. I'm with you. Congratulations to Aaron, Judge. I hope to God. Oh, God, it would be sick. I hope to God they are testing that man every 15 minutes for everything in his system. Dude, then people on the internet go, oh, he's on the synthetic stuff that they can't test for you. They just like make up shit to support their argument because they're a Giants fan or like a Cubs fan or something like that. Come on. Yeah. Met fans and shit. All right, everybody. So that's the show. Those same people, if I met them in a bar and I said I was a Patriot fan, they would give

me shit for fucking whatever. Bill, I still have to. It's one of my favorite things ever, Paul, because I have dirt on all of their teams and I viscerate them and then they walk away. And for some reason, I actually feel like there's some sort of victory there, even though I never see him again. And none of these, none of these games matter, Paul. No, and you're a grown man with children. Yeah. If I could just have the same attitude I have on the golf course, which is I don't give a fuck about anything. Oh, let's talk about this for one second before we get out of here. Okay. Because here's the thing about me. I got to give credit where credit's due. And when I'm impressed, I'm impressed. Bill Burr, ladies and gentlemen, this man who talked not I'm not

going to say talk shit about golf, but I absolutely did. I said it wasn't a sport. Well, forget that. I'm saying activity. Why do you go out? Whatever it's done, blah, blah, blah. This guy gets into it a little bit has fun. He's relaxed as can be the kids keeping his head down. He's hitting the thing down the fairway. He's having a good time. Now me on the other hand, I'm relaxed. And there was this fucking three holes, two holes, Paulie to two holes, you're Paul Versey. And then you turn into Mr. Hyde. No, I, I, they had this three wood. We because we obviously don't have our own clubs. They have this three wood and I got to bang it. And I picked my head up and it goes and Bill's going to just he's telling me what I tell people

just relax everything. I hit the thing. And then finally I hit it good. Yeah, it took me three fucking times and Bill goes, Paul, Paul, what's this energy? What are you doing? I said, of course, is the only place where I become you and you become me. Like I'm literally sitting there. I could, you know, I keep my head down, Paul, because I don't care where it goes. That's not, but dude, you, uh, oh, am I in the rough? Dude, I got a whole bag full of balls. I'm pretty impressed how you play golf, man. You play golf really good for a guy that doesn't play golf and just gets it. It was fantastic. I'm very impressed. I will tell you our golf is fun for four holes and then I just want it to be over for you. Not even nine, you

know, like, I mean, if the jokes are flying around, I can go like six. It wasn't an overly hot day. Come on, dude. I made you, I made you do two spit takes out on the course. I got you twice. Oh dude, you got me bet. You got me. I spit all over myself. I just want a new pair of sunglasses. What I loved is when we were at that resort, we were like for for a half hour, we were little kids running up a water slide. It was underrated, underrated, water slide, no line at a resort. Oh my God. And then you guys all went in to get ready and I stood, a song came on and I stood in the middle of the pool with a pina colada and I just go five more minutes and Berlina goes, I think we got to go now. I go five. I did the owl. I did the owl.

Oh yeah, just not. When we, when we sat down, we were watching the dolphins and, uh, and, and the bills dolphins scored a touchdown. Then the doll and the bill bill scored a touchdown. The dolphins came back and answered and I was fucking with you, hitting you with the napkin, doing the sign of the cross and shit. I said, Hey, Paul, I go, the dolphins are winning today. And you just looked at me and you just go, no, with total fucking God. No. What dude, that's your pick of the year so far. That's a good one, man. The only thing we fucked up dude was that we then had to go to the game, which was a great time. Thanks to the Cardinals and everything. Fucking great state and everything. I'm just too old, man. The shit's too loud for me

now. But, um, oh, and I got to confess, dude, when we left, we ended up at a fucking cigar bar and they put us in the VIP room and they had all the games on and we all felt guilty going like, should we call Paul? But by the time we got there, it was like, and you get out and get in the car and get over there. The game would have been fucking over, but, uh, you know, it's funny about that. Nobody told me. They just go, yeah, I think they went to say cigar joint. Nobody gave me any details. Now I know why. Oh, because it was that good. And then we had to go like, the second the game was over, we were running out of there to go to the airport, but like, you know, I wasn't going to send a picture. You're all fucking rats. No, no, no, we all care about you.

That's why we didn't send any pictures. It wasn't enough time, Paul. I wasn't going to rub it in your face. Fine ash cigar. Shout out. How about this? Next time we stay at the resort with drinks, and food, and we just look at TVs and we stand in a pool. No, next time we go three days and we don't have any plans other than we just, we golf every day. Golf every day. Coffee drinks, huh? Coffee. Oh, the whole fucking thing. Wait, are you coffee every day now? Yeah, you know, I am. I love how you jumped in the coffee double espresso. I love how you did. You liked it and you go now too. It just needs to be I can't do two and I've been drinking coffee for years. No, because I want to know if you know how to make it. Oh, that's so you don't

need a double espresso. I just like a double espresso. I'll tell you a great coffee. I'll tell you a great coffee story. So Yannis Popp is his father, rest his soul. It was like coffee. I mean, Greeks love coffee. That's why they have diner joints. Coffee is like, so he loved coffee, but it always had to be fresh. So Yannis would say this story where he would go to a diner and he would be very nice and respectful, but he would go and he would call, you know, people, hon, hon, hon. Is it fresh? Yeah, it's fresh. He sipped it. He just goes, hon, hon, not fresh. I need a fresh pop. Because coffee drinkers, coffee drinkers. No, coffee is one of the greatest things you'll ever taste and the worst if it's not done right.

You know Will Noonan in Boston. You know Will Noonan. I know the name, yeah. I think he might hope for it. He's a Boston comic, Boston guy. He just tweeted something today. He goes, people in Boston order coffee like they're giving hostage demands. Because listen, you like coffee, you like it your way, man. No, my thing is if you can make an espresso, I'll try the other shit that you have. Like I've said, it's friend, Paul. It's like pizza. I try your margarita first. If you can do that, then I'll try your other shit, but I'm not going to come in there and let you hide behind your topics. And shout out to Bianco Pizza in Arizona because I heard all this and that hype about it.

We got two pies. We got the sausage and onion and we got the margarita and I got to tell you something. It was absolutely fucking delicious and they brought out the fresh mozzarella with the tomatoes and the basil and the olive oil, salt, pepper. It was actually really delicious and they gave us seven. Oh, we ate like gods. We dined like gods. We ate like gods over there. Thank you to Bianco. And there you have it, everybody. There is your NFL week four preview for the Anything Better podcast sponsored by BetMGM. Go to BetMGM, download the app, use bonus code BRR and do a bet of as small as $10. You'll get up to $1,000 in free bets. Even if you lose, just make sure you use bonus code BRR. We love working with them. They're the best lines out

there. So download the app today and Monday Night Special, Cooper Cup Touchdown. Over 42 and a half. Niners cover. We're taking the Niners. Oh, did we take the Niners? I hate that game, dude. I keep flip flopping. Andrew, make sure you listen back. I think the Niners, I think the Rams got a better quarterback, Paul. You want to flip it right now? I'll flip it right now. Are they going to win two road games in the fucking West? Jimmy G and them lost a heartbreaker by one their home. This is a tough one. You want to flip a coin? All right. Heads is San Francisco, tails is the Rams. There you go. I love it. Unheard of. Oh, first time in Monday Night Special history. He's got it. He's got it. Tails is Rams.

It's tails. Oh, it is the Rams. Wow, we just flipped it. You know what sucks? Somebody that turned it off. Somebody that turned the podcast off. I hope you listened the hallway through. Now we got Rams plus one and a half over 42 and a half Cooper Cup to get a touchdown. We just lose all our credibility, but it is no, it is. I mean, it's a pick them, right? It's a one. Here's the thing. No, you had a feeling with Rams during the whole time and you kept talking about the quarterback and this and that and we flipped the coin just to see and fate said it. So there you go. They have a better coach and they have a better team. And listen, it's one and a half. It's a fucking it's a it's a flip of a coin anyway. It's on this one. Maybe this is

what gets us on track. So there you go. All right, that's it everybody. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. Paul, when we go off and again, you tell me, but I loved it. I'm going to take take some short game lessons. Yeah, I'm going to I got to go to the I got to go to the range and hit that. So I don't I don't slow you down. The only time I got a little upset was when that guy hit that fucking ball while we were coming off the green. No, he was wrong, dude. I didn't know you're supposed to get upset. You got so mad. I was like, Oh, which I was like, no, no, no, real quick. This is what happened. We're going with the red shirt. We're pulling off the carts. And our cart is in front of where the cart path arrows are in front of the green. We finish,

we wrap up, we put we put our clubs back in the bag, and we start driving off. And as we drive off, I hear for and this neon green ball flies past the back of our car. That is that that is anybody who golfs knows that that guy saw us wrapping up and leaving. You wait, dude. That was bullshit, man. I was that wasn't me being cranky. That was me going like, dude, if that wax one of me didn't say anything. What you should have said something. I know we were trying to happen if you picked his ball up and you just threw it in the fucking woods. Because I think at the I think at one point you go, dude, don't even I think you were like, don't worry, you because you didn't know. And I'm going, no, dude, that was fucked up, dude.

I thought about it afterwards. I had delayed upset men about it. If that hits one of us in the head, because this fucking asshole can't wait 30 seconds, but whatever. I mean, who's telling shit jokes that night, Paul? I mean, does he didn't understand how important we were? Yeah, he was probably one of those animals with tattoos at the pool. All right. Oh yeah. Oh my God, the white trash sarin Getty. Dude, that adult pool that adult pool was made me want to fucking be the best husband I could possibly be. You don't not want to be standing in that pool. Anytime you're at a resort with kid pool, family pool and single pool. If you want to see the biggest shit show go to the single pool.

That was just called the adult pool. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess. Yeah, it didn't look like there was a lot of I don't know what was going on in that pool. A lot of people throwing children in that pool. Did you know I was worried whatever was in that pool is contagious. So I went to the other one. Well, I hope we don't go one. I hope I don't go one and three this week. Hopefully we have a bounce back week. That's it. Everybody enjoy your bets. Bet responsibly. And there you go. We'll see you guys. We'll see you next week. popular rose toy from ns novelties described as small but mighty. The rose is 25% off this month at Cerrillas along with all ns novelties. Afterward slip into something as sexy as you're feeling

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