Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-8-22

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Bill rambles about San Francisco, pre-internet bands, and relating to other generations. Thursday Afternoon Podcast: 00:00 - 29:40 Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks: 29:41 - 1:19:05 Throwback 9-8-14: 1:19:06 - end Bill rambles about the Toronto Film Festival, NFL pre-game analysis and not letting chaos in your life. Policygenius: Head to www.Policygenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. I'm just checking in on you. Seeing how your week's going. Literally just fucking woke up. Just woke up and right to work. Boo-hoo. This is one of these things that you fucking yell about in your relationship. Oh, you got a problem with me? Huh? I fucking opened my eyes and I'm immediately fucking doing a podcast. And for what? For this, right? One of those dumb fights. I'm on the road again. Chicka boom, chicka boom, boom, boom. I'm out here in San Francisco. I did the punchline two nights ago. I haven't played there in a while. It

was so great to be back at that club. Just one of the best comedy clubs of all time. I really miss being at that place, so I had an awesome time. I was working there with Joe Bartnick, who by the way is on his way to Canada today to perform in Montreal at a brand new comedy club right above Stogies, the cigar place. Cigar bar, I should say instead of cigar place. So check them out this weekend. And also was working with Bianca Cristavau. She fucking killed it. Just a great night, a great hang, the whole thing. And then yesterday, I was down the gym, you know, throwing the weights around, trying to keep the dad bought at bay. And of course, I forgot I had a fucking meeting, so I had to stop in the middle of

it. And then when I was done with the fucking meeting, I decided rather than go back down to do cardio, I was going to walk the city because I hadn't been here in a minute. And what a great fucking city. It still is despite the fact all the Silicon Valley cunts came in here with the I created an app money, and I guess drove the real estate through the fucking roof. Still a great city. I walked along the seaport down there, whatever the hell you call it. And then at some point bang the left, walked up the hill came down the hill went all the way through Chinatown, which was awesome. Yeah, I did our right to those are zillion places I wanted to fucking eat that. But instead, I got an apple and some

raw almonds. Oh, Jesus, but I gotta tell you the second I ate it, then I was fine. I was like, Oh, thank God. Thank God I didn't negate my fucking workout. And the reason I actually came up here to San Francisco was because I wanted to see that motley true death leopard poison Joan Jet Show, which I did at Pac Bell, the stick whatever the fuck the Oracle, whatever they call it every other year, they fucking rename that thing. We don't fuck up here by I don't remember dropping it. It's got a big fucking hack on the side of it. So I went to I got there early, because there was no way I was going to loop was going to miss Joan Jet. She absolutely fucking destroyed. And I got to stand on the side of the stage

and watch them side of stage stinks by the way, you can't fucking hear anything. It's just the sound slapping back and forth. It's just cool to be standing that close to them playing. But it's way better out in the house. So I stood on the side of stage for Joan Jet have absolutely killed it. A fucking band was great. The background vocals were totally on point. They sounded amazing. And being an old guy now, I was thinking like Joan Jet has the best fucking slot on the whole lineup. It was like 530 and she was done. She could go out to dinner, enjoy the city. She could go back to the hotel room and just go to sleep. I was like that fucking that's the I want to do a fucking 430 to 530 stand up show and

call it a night. I mean, dude, you could still hit a fucking game. That would be perfect. The problem is, as I say, fuck every other word in my act. So that means you go on after 8pm. You have to go on when the sun goes down. And you know, all the goody two shoes have gone to bed. Goody two shoes mean the fucking smart people. What am I, it's two shoes. There's something I should go on the internet and fucking kill three minutes of my life. That'll never get back. Why is it goody two shoes? You know, it's always a pair of shoes. You don't just make one or do you? Someone's missing a leg. Maybe you do. I don't fucking know. Anyway, then poison came out and it was just immediately just it was just so fucking great to see like

I don't know. There's a band sounds different. I feel like a pre-internet band. We can just tell that people learned how to play like listening to records and trying to figure it out. And you know, you've maybe figured it out or maybe you figured three quarters of it out and then you added your shit to it or whatever. They just totally have like the, you know, parents' basement garage band. I was one of their lyrics vibe to them and they fucking killed it. Absolutely fucking killed it. I sit on the side of the stage for the first couple of songs that was just really loud and I couldn't hear anything. So I wanted to be out in the crowd to see it. And then Motley Crue went on and I don't know, it might be the best I've ever heard

Mick Mars sound like his tone was fucking unbelievable. Tommy Lee, of course, killed it. Nicky killed it and Vince sounded better than he sounded in forever. And I'm not going to go into any details or whatever, but I felt like they gave the most authentic like if you miss the 80s, here it is. Like they just fucking have not in the greatest way ever just like they had just fucking of that. All of this fucking bullshit that has happened since then where everybody's walking around pretending that they give a shit about every cause. It was it was it was just fucking they were fucking they were awesome. And by then I was out in the crowd. So I got to hear their whole set without like that back slap or anything. And they they just they just fucking

murdered, man. They fucking murdered. And, dude, Tommy Lee still just fucking kills it. Still just fucking kills it. He doesn't have like that. I slowed down a little bit vibe at all. Just fucking smashing. And they started off with the wild side, which is one of my favorite modern cruise songs to try and play along to. And just watching the guy that came up with the drum part play it and just play it so fucking effortlessly because it was just it was really cool. And then, you know, Nikki talked to the crowd at one point and Tommy talked to the crowd and it was fucking funny and cool and everything was just awesome. And then death leper and I had seen them at the whiskey. So I saw

their whole set. And at that point, I'm not gonna lie to you, man, it was fucking loud. In my ears was where I was just worried about, you know, sitting out there even with my fucking earplugs on because I got the tinnitus on the right ear, right? And I was like, I already saw them and I'm tired and I got to get up early to get on a flight. So I pulled an old man move. And I left, I know that death leper killed the two because I watched, I saw this set, like I said, when they were in LA getting ready for it. But good Lord, what a fucking, what a lineup, what a show. I mean, if you're thinking about going to that thing, I can definitely say you should go to it and you will not feel anything other than you got your money's worth, man. It was fucking,

it was fucking awesome. And then also to see him in one of the greatest ballparks in major league, you know, I was sitting up there, we could see like McCovey's Cove, looking at McCovey's Cove and all of that shit. The beautiful ballpark while just sitting there watching, you know, Poison Motley Crue was just fucking, I was like, Jesus Christ, this is the way to go to a damn concert back in the day standing on those plastic chairs on the floor. I'm too fucking old for that. It was cool though to see there was a bunch of young kids there seeing that they were into that music. And then I was thinking like hoping that they were playing, you know, guitar, drums, bass or something. But anyway, you can see you can tell I didn't

get much fucking sleep last night. I was kind of, you know, and then I came back and I was watching all the all the old fucking music videos. But like, in the best way ever, like that music took me all the way back, not in a sad way at all. Just thinking like, man, I went to these fucking shows. And I remember like, it was just never ending. That was the thing is albums were coming out all the time. And the Worcester Centrum and the Providence Civic Center and the Boston Garden with the three big venues near where I where I lived in Massachusetts. And I got I don't know how many fucking times it went down to those things. And I still felt like I didn't see enough bands. And the first time you go, you're all sitting there going like, Oh, fuck, am I going to get

fucked up here? Somebody gonna stab me? You know, you hear all these crazy stories about going to concerts and then, you know, you get a couple under your belt, you're comfortable. And yeah, I was the 80s, you just got completely fucked up. You went to the show and then you drove home. Somebody else did was that aspect of it was stupid. But that's basically what happened. And as you got closer and closer to the venue, there was just more long haired people, more metal kids, just open containers, weed smoke coming out of cars. It was fucking nuts. Like, people standing on the side of the road pissing. As you got closer and closer to the venue, it was fucking, it was fucking all the fucking, all the heavy metal chicks,

just fucking dressed like hookers and shit. I mean, it was just fucking wild. It was really wild. Like, I'm sure like, you know, whatever the hell kids do nowadays, I'm going to sound old, where they go to fucking raves or some DJ thing and everybody does Molly, you fucking rubbing up against each other like a bunch of stray dogs. I don't know, every generation does it a little bit different, but it's kind of the same thing though, right? Bunch of kids heading to a venue, everybody getting fucked up. And then whatever that music is, it's just permanently stamped in your fucking soul for the rest of your life. Like, as much as I try, you know, and stay up on music, which I obviously am not like, you know, I just found out about that bad bunny. Like, I saw

some venue, I was doing bad bunny was either advertised there or was going to be going somewhere in the city or what I was like, bad bunny, what the fuck is bad bunny? So I was sitting there looking at that and just watching like, you know, like, dude plays like huge venues and watching just like 40,000 people going nuts. And it's just like, I had never even heard of the person just like, Jesus Christ, there's no after a while, there's just no way to keep up. But even the amount that I did try to keep up, like I hung in there, I think probably until the early 2000s. And then there's this whole like, I don't know what, there's like a 10-year period there where I just stopped trying. And then by the time I came back, it was just kind of a wrap.

But during that whole time of like, like somewhere between like Panic at the disco, remember those bands? Like the Strokes. There was another one, I can't remember their names. And I was just thinking when I was at that show going like, Jesus Christ, some of those fucking people, they're 20 years in. Like, what the fuck? What the hell? Billy Nostalgic here. Anyway, so that show that Joan Jett Poison, Motley Crue and Def Leppard show, I think their last US stop is not tonight, it's tomorrow in Las Vegas. And I was talking to some of the guys who were on that tour and they were saying how they take like the rest of the year off.

And then like in January and February, it starts back up again, going all through South America and everything. So, and everything, it's fucking amazing. And I'm psyched for all those bands that they're all going to go out and make some fucking great money and all of that shit, and that they can still do it this far into their careers is pretty goddamn cool. So, anyways, if you get a chance, if you're somehow anywhere near Vegas, I know this is a short notice. I hope you can catch the show because it's just a fucking great, great show. Everybody, just a different vibe, but everyone was having like fun. Like when we went up on stage, I felt like such an asshole. I was so busy, like I wanted to see all the drum kits, you know?

I guess I walked right by Joan Jett, who's literally standing there with a guitar. And she looked at Bartnick and she goes, hey, man, she goes, have fun today, or something like that. And I was just thinking like that's kind of like what it was all about before it got like all fucking sad and morose when like the grunge guys came in. I mean, granted, it was probably an emotion that was completely ignored in the 80s, sadness. I would blame the cocaine. Yeah, everybody was up. It was the up 80s. And you know, it's funny, I remember a long time ago, I saw in like VH1, one of the members of Salt and Pepper was talking about doing, you know, doing their shows in the 80s and the lineups they were on.

And she was just like, yeah, you know, back then it was, there wasn't all of this, you know, beefing between, you know, MCs and everything. She was like, it was just fun. We were just out there having fun. And I'm trying to think, I wonder why that was. It was like why the 80s was just like this like awesome and ridiculous level of fun. And then the 90s came in like the fucking hangover. Like, hey, just to remind you, you know, I think that's why it took me so long. Or I was so late to like, like I always liked Allison Chains and I always liked Soundgarden. But like, you know, it took me a minute with Nirvana, because Nirvana knocked all my favorite bands, I've talked about this a million times,

off of the top 10 on MTV back when that was a thing. And just going from all these fun songs to their shit, I was just like, like, God, God, what? What brought the fucking wet blanket in here? Like, what's going on? I wish I was like you easily amused. It's like, Jesus Christ, man, I have a fucking beer. You know, put on some fingerless gloves and go drive a Camaro. Like, what is the fucking problem? Little did I realize that I was in a walking depression that was going to last for another 15 fucking years. That's what's so funny to me. Like, now I go back and I listen to Nirvana, I'm like, this fucking band is amazing. And I love, I love Nevermind in Uniro, and I don't know Bleach, I never really got into that. Okay, I didn't get into that one. But like,

now I get it. It's like, Oh, yeah, all right. I guess they were making some valid points about the human experience. I just probably wasn't ready to hear it. Yeah, I was away. Yeah, I think that's what it was because it came out and I was like, I was like 23 when it came out, which is a weird fucking age. You know, you turn 21 off, fuck, I'm legal, I can drink now, right? And then you turn 22 and you're like, Whoa, well, there's nothing, you know, got my driver's license, I can drink. I should have graduated college, I'm still a freshman. And when 23 hit, I remember I was just like, Oh, this isn't going to stop. Like this is just like, I'm going to be all these fucking ages. I'm going to hopefully, you know, God will, I didn't look at it like God willing

back then, but you were just like, I just remember like, like 24 was a fucking, when I was like in my teens, 24 was just like, wow, man, that guy should be like married with kids 25, 26, 27 was just like, what the fuck? And now it's funny is now I'm 54. And when I talked to, you know, people in their 30s, like, I mean, I know they're adults, but they're like kids to me, because it's just such a big, still like a huge gap. You know what I mean? Like if you're talking about day to day, it's like when you're talking to somebody younger than you, like the gap of shit that you can talk about just gets smaller and smaller, the bigger the age gap gets, you know, unless it's like your kids, because then you're just like, you know, fully invested, wanting to know what's going on in

their lives and all that shit. Which by the way, I got such a fucking great relationship with my daughter. I'm so happy about that. You know, every night when I put it to bed, it used to be, I can't remember if I told this, it's all fucking running together. But you know what, I'm not going to be busy in a month from now. It's going to slow down, hopefully. Started off, I would, I would read her stories. And then we graduated to, we had to sing the songs from the Disney Pixar movies and act them all out. And now it's, you know, I have to sit there and we have to talk. You know, she lays in bed and I sit there and we talk for like, you know, 20, 25 minutes every night before she goes to sleep. And

she tells me all the fucking, you know, all these frigging toys that she wants. Because she watches that goddamn Ryan show and all the kid does is unbox toys and all of that stuff. And every day it's like, you know, dad, can you go to Target and get me the Ryan sneakers? But blah, blah, blah. And I just look at her and she starts laughing. It's like, I'm not buying you all of this stuff. She watches that and then she watches that Vlad and Nikki, which are two like, two kids from like Eastern Europe or some shit, just playing with toys. I don't know, it's weird. Kids like watch other kids play like video games. You know, I mean, I guess I watch other men play sports. But the thing is, I can't do it. It's a kid playing a video game. It's just

like, you could do that. I guess maybe you're watching the kid play the video game so you learn how to get better at it. I don't know, whatever. It's whatever it's what they're into. If I was that age, I guess I would be doing the same shit. Oh, Billy's looking back on this podcast. He's fucked up. Bill's looking back. Anyway, so what a great time. Thank you to Molly at the punchline and everybody. I had such a great time doing that. And then going to the show was just fucking, it was just amazing, man. I'm so glad I did that. Because when it came by, SoFi Stadium, of course, in the city I live in, I wasn't in town. Surprise, surprise. So I just picked the next closest city because people are going, Hey, what are you doing up here? I'm like, I'm up here

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that's P-O-L-I-C-Y, genius, G-E-N-I-U-S, if you're like me and I always spell it wrong, to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. All right. Anyway, I'm off to one of my favorite cities in the country, Tulsa, Oklahoma. I always tell you, all right, 300 rated cities, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Chattanooga, Tennessee. All right. And there's a whole bunch more once off those offshoots. I also went to one in, where the hell was I? I was in North Carolina. I actually forget I was in the western part of the state where I was right near the Appalachian Mountains. Let's see here, North Carolina. Let's see if we get a map going here. Oh, Billy Mapface. Asheville. I did a gig in Asheville. What

a beautiful, beautiful fucking city. Perfect size. And then you had all that mountains and shit. People up there with them stills, making some moonshines, everybody get fucked up on the way to the Joan Jett Poison Model Crew Death Leopard Show. You guys know I got that. I got my closet red neck. You know, I like fucking pickup trucks and I think guns are cool. I don't know shit about them and I'm terrified of them because I didn't grow up around them and I'm not going to be that person that shoots themselves in the fucking foot. Literally. I'm not doing that. I ain't going out like that. Who the fuck you think you're talking to? If I were to get a gun though, I would definitely get a fucking revolver. I like those better. You know what I mean?

I don't get these guns with the clips. It's like how many fucking bullets do you need to hit with the fuck you're shooting at? Like how many people do you think are coming in to attack you? I'm just doing this to get the gun people to write in. Bill, I got to tell you something. Actually hitting a target with the gun is a lot harder than you think, especially if it's moving. And we haven't even taken into effect your nerves at that point. When your life is on the line, okay? I mean, I'm just fucking with you. I remember Club Soda Kenny was telling me that there was cops the first time they pulled their revolver. They were so fucking scared. By the time they brought it level at the target, they were already empty.

Like they shot the first six, you know, one right next to their foot, a one about the second shot, about a foot in front of it. You get the idea all the way up. And by the time they come up, it's like click, click, click, click. Now here's my question. Why haven't they ever showed that in a movie? Because you know what? It would happen so fast people wouldn't understand it. If they ever make a comedy about cops, which they have, right? Reno 911. I guess they didn't really pull their guns on that show. I don't fucking know. Anyway, but watching that show, all that's making me want to do is go play some fucking drums.

And I don't know. It was the perfect night. Underrated, you know, fucking just going, oh wait, I had a fucking overrated. I won't be able to remember. I'll remember the second I fucking hang this thing up. Fuck, it was a good one. I should have wrote it down. I gotta start writing shit down. God damn it. Anyway, I'm looking forward to coming out to Tulsa. Just a great food scene, great art scene. The one and only time I've ever seen a bald eagle was when I was out there. And no, I wasn't looking in the fucking mirror, you assholes. All right, that's it. That's the podcast. And we're going to have a bonus episode after some music.

Picked out by the always wonderful Andrew Themless. And then we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. I hope you can make it to Vegas to catch that show. If you didn't, I hope you saw it when it came by, when it came by your city. What a fucking great time that was. Just a great time. All right, that's it. I'll talk to yous later. What's up, everybody? We are back. Football is back. And our partners at Bet MGM are back for the 2022 NFL season. We will be using, once again, the best app out there using the Bet MGM lines to make all of our picks. And we'll have special offers for our listeners each week. If you haven't signed up for Bet MGM yet, same bonus code as last season, guys. Use bonus code

very easy, B-U-R-R. And you will get 100% risk-free bet up to $1,000, dude. First wager. Here's how it works. You download the Bet MGM app. You sign up using bonus code B-U-R-R. That's B-U-R-R. Deposit at least $10 and place your first wage on any game. You'll receive up to $1,000 in free bets in your bets. If your bet loses, just make sure you use bonus code when you sign up. So you're basically getting $1,000 to gamble with, right? Am I saying that right, Andrew? Yeah. I mean, it's a joke, dude. It's an absolute joke to start off the season that way. All right, so before we get into our week one picks, our four picks each, which is very exciting, we're going to do something where we have a little fun and we pick our Super Bowl picks.

We're just, you know, shooting the shit, obviously shot in the dark. But Bill, who do you like gunned to your head before the first kickoff of the season? Who do you like? No brainer. No brainer. I like the Buffalo Bills playing in the easy AFC East. There's all those fucking juggernaut quarterbacks and the AFC West fucking slamming into each other and doing all of that shit out there dealing with all of that crap. The Bills are going to cruise through the AFC East, I believe. And I think that they add in Von Miller and all of these other fucking guys, I think that they go to the Super Bowl and, you know, the Rams have found this clever way, Paul, of getting around the fucking salary cap where they can,

they can give out $400 million with the contracts to five fucking guys, but it doesn't count because we gave you cash here and above all of this shit that if the Patriots did it, they'd be getting a ton of shit. So they've spent so much fucking money, like all LA teams, whenever they win a fucking title. I think that they're going to get back there because they've spent so much fucking money on all of these people. I think that they get back there. There's nobody really, I don't know, 49ers. I can't remember the name of their fucking quarterback, dude. Well, they're changing. Is Jimmy G there now or they got something else? They renegotiated to have Jimmy G, but they got this young kid Trey Lance.

That's why I'm going to change one of my picks, but Bill has the bills and the Rams in the big one in Arizona at the end of the year. Those are great. I feel like Seattle is going to be trying to figure out who the fuck they are now that they have a new quarterback. I think the 49ers don't have a QB and the Rams have figured out a way around the salary cap and they fucking signed everybody, but Jesus, you know, probably signed fucking Leonard. Yeah, I mean, I think Seattle's done unless Sneaky Pete pulls something over somebody's eyes, which always known to do. Sneaky Pete is a good coach. He's a good coach, and he is not above bending the rules. He doesn't in Seattle and runs out the back door at fucking

USC. So no one really, they're never really stuck. This big thing is he never pissed off Jim Ursay. All right, my Super Bowl picks, I'm just going to make a change. I know we talked about this before. I'm sticking with the Chargers. I think the Chargers are going to not only go to the Super Bowl, I think they're going to win it with Justin Herbert, but instead of the 49ers, just because I don't really like this, I'm going to jump off that because I don't like this Trey Lance, Jimmy G coming back, which means he's going to be hanging over his shoulder the whole, like, you know what I mean? I think if Trey Lance has it like bad week, couple of weeks, Jimmy G is going to be lurking. That's never worked out from what I've seen. Very, very seldom,

except with the Philadelphia Eagles and Nick Foles and, you know, weird shit like that. I don't see that happening. You're going to laugh, Bill. I'm going back. It's crazy. It's like lunacy. I'm going to go back to the Packers, man. I'm going to go back to Aaron Rodgers in the back. I know. I know. It's, it's, it's, I know it's, it's, I know. When are you going to break up with this stripper? I know. Jesus Christ. Every year they give me a lap dance and you're back to the ATM machine. It's, it's, it's like saying the Knicks are going to have a good year. It's actually lunacy, but when I look at the NFC, I don't know if I believe in the Vikings and Aaron Rodgers is still Aaron Rodgers and they still did win 13 games last year. I'm going to say the Chargers beat

the Packers in the Super Bowl this year. I think this is Justin Herbert's fucking year. So there you go. Those are right now. If that fucking happens, that's going to be one of the great picks of all time because that none of that was even remotely on my radar. I mean, I know the Packers are the Packers with Aaron Rodgers and shit. I get that, but San Diego Chargers, dude, that's a strong fucking, that's a bold, bold prediction. I don't think, I didn't think either one of the things that I said was bold. I just went with the two fucking, I don't know, the bills the favorite in the East. The bills, the bills are great. And I think what's doing, what you said, we're getting Vaughan Miller and, and coming back healthy and Josh Allen is, is he's like fucking John Wayne.

He's, he's huge. He's like Rothesburg and this guy's, you know, no, they're great dude. They're and they're well coached. I like, I like our Super Bowl picks. So there you have it guys. Let us know right into Andrew without being a dick and say, well, who you like, and maybe we'll do a couple of that. I don't know, but now it's time. Now it's time. Week one. I can tell you something in the AFCs, it's going to be fucking Joe Burrow and Josh Allen. And there's going to be a great fucking rivalry that's going to develop between those two guys. A level of disrespect you show Justin Herbert. Look at the kids numbers. There's, I mean, you, I mean, the kid is great. Hey, you don't like him? I mean, I'm not saying I, I'm not saying I don't like him.

I'm not saying that. I just don't think he has the defense. Oh, okay. Well, then I can see that. I mean, I think he, I could see that. I think he's like every fucking San Diego quarterback I've been watching since Dan Fouts, where he's got a score fucking a lot of points to win. And that does well during the regular season. Then when you get to the playoffs, you eventually run into a shutdown defense. And then your defense has to hold them, which they haven't been doing all year. And it all goes out the window. Hey, man. Touche, I get it. I get it. All right. Here we go, Bill. You're getting the first pick this year because I believe I had the first pick last year. So you are, we're off and running here.

Week one guys, Bill gets four picks. I get four picks. Bill, before we get started, do you want to change the rule that we had last year where if we tie, it's, it's not, it's not a half a game where you just have to beat the spread or do you want to keep it the way it was last year? Like in other words, if it's 10 points and it ends up 10 points, you know something I like the tie, if you get the tie and you're like three, you know, you're whatever you two, two, one and one, I like it because I think it adds a funny element to it. Okay. All right. Because it throws like a wrench into it. Okay. I'm not the best at math, but I feel like if it's just win or loss, win or loss,

win or loss, then if someone starts running away with it, it gets boring. But like, if you get a couple of ties in there, or I do, and it keeps me hanging around, he's hanging around. I think that could be fun. All right. So there you have it guys. If the game is seven and we pick it and it ends up seven, we get half a win. All right. You are on the clock. All right. Right out of the gate to big number, but I'm going to take the Ravens minus seven over the hapless Jets. Ooh. That's a dub. That's a dub. I'm doing it. You know what I'm doing? I'm going to do it just because I actually really believe it. I'm actually not doing it because they're my team. I believe it. I believe that Saquon Barkley being healthy

and the new tackle we got from Alabama, and we're on the road as dogs in Tennessee. I believe, I don't know if the Giants pull off the win, but I don't think they're going to lose by seven. So I'm going to take my New York football Giants getting six in Tennessee behind a better line and a healthy Saquon Barkley plus six Andrew plus six Andrew put it on the board. All right. I'm going to take this feels so good. Doesn't it? I just hope I have time to watch the games. I'm going to take next. I am going to take I don't know. I'm going to take a dog here. I'm going to take the Cardinals getting six points at home, getting six points at home, playing the Chiefs. I feel like the Chiefs historically

start slow. They lost Tyreek Hill to free agency. I think, you know, I'm not saying the Chiefs are going to be bad this year. I think they might be a little, you know, two and two to start or whatever. And I don't know. I think Kyla Murray is going to be a problem as he always is. They still got JJ Watts is back, I believe, right? He's healthy after last season, I think. I don't know. I didn't have time to look at any of this. Oh, hang on a second. That could be, that could be is it club soda, Kenny? One of the silliest men ever. Oh, Paul, I got the espresso here. You know, there's a game that I, oh, wait, it's your pick. Fucking terrible. I don't know if people understand that if you burn the beans,

that's not a good fucking espresso. Oh, no, you took the, oh, no, I'm sorry, you took the Cardinals. I took Kyla Murray. All right. Well, this is a tough one, dude. This is a tough one is tough. You don't know anything here. Just, you know, just let it fly, Paul. Sling it. Just let it fly. All right. I'm not, I know what everybody's thinking I'm going to do. Pick the Packers. I know, I know. Let's take Tom Brady in the Bucks at Dallas. I like how you said that. I'm going to take Tom Brady in the Bucks at Dallas on, what is that? Is that Sunday night football? The first Sunday night football minus two and a half. Given two. All right. Now this is where it gets hard because I don't know anything about anybody.

I don't know why, Paul, but I'm going to take the Chargers because I want to watch the game against the Raiders. Oof, that was my next pick. That's a good one. Three and a half. I like that number. I think this is, I am so excited to watch the AFC West this year. I can't even tell you, dude. I love both of those teams. Last year, I watched their second game on mushrooms, and it was one of the great things I've ever done in my life. Dude, watching a game where everybody's just airing it out on mushrooms, I'm telling you, man. Sounds fun. All right. I'm going to take, I'm going to take the Washington commanders at home given two and a half points to the Jacksonville Jaguars. I'd like that. There was something about that game that stuck out. What do the Jags have?

They got the kid from Clemson, right? They got the kid from Clemson. They started to play a little better towards the end of last year, but I don't know. I don't know. The commanders got a decent defensive. They're healthy. I'm going to take them. I'm going to take them minus two and a half, Andrew. I got to tell you, that name's starting to work for me. Oh, I like it. I like the commanders a lot. Commanders, commanders, commander-in-chief. Yeah. Just, you know, make sure you want a hurricane. It's better than the Guardians. Cleveland Guardians, man. It just sounds like it's some fucking outsourced security team. I'll tell you, the game of the fucking week, though, is going to be the Broncos going back to Russell Wilson, going back to Seattle is

first fucking game on my football. I mean, tell me, just tell me that the NFL doesn't know how, like the NFL, like, I mean, the NBA should learn from these guys. That's fucking jerk off. All right. So here's the last one. Paul, I don't want to step on your toes here. I don't even know why I looked at this game, but I just don't believe in the Vikings, dude, and I'm going to take the Packers minus one and a half. I'm sorry. I know you were looking at that game. I don't mean to get a lap dance from you fucking. Hey, listen, man, you snooze, you lose, dude. Whoever doesn't say it, that's it. I'm looking at this game here, and this one, I don't know, man. Paul, it's the NFL season. I'm going to take, now this is Paulie going back

to his old ways. Oh, Paul, I can't lay off a favorite. I'm going to take the road favorite Indianapolis Colts given seven to the hapless, to the hapless Houston Texans. I'm taking Jonathan Taylor running the ball like an absolute animal. He's got a good offensive line. I think they could win that game or at least push that game. So I'm going to take the Colts minus seven at Houston. And who do they, who does the Colts have as a QB? They signed somebody, didn't they? Wait, it's not Wentz anymore? No, it's not Wentz anymore, is it? Dude, I loved the Colts last year. That was my team. I rode with those guys. They always scored. They scored fucking points, but they went with somebody else, didn't they?

Yeah, who the fuck is it? Who the fuck did these fucking guys take? Just hold on a second. Is it Gary Huff? No, Colts QB. Hold on. Is it Gary Holgerboom? Oh no, it's Matty Ice, Matt Ryan. What? They got Matt Ryan from the Falcons. Ah, shit, dude, that's a great pick. That's, you know what, Paul? I don't want to jinx it. Yeah, don't jinx me. That's a lock. You know what? Seven, I feel like seven. Seven's a perfect number though. Hey, how about Matty Ice finally getting out of the Bermuda Triangle that is the fucking Atlanta Falcons? And maybe he can score a bunch of fucking points and win a game. And he's got an animal for a running back and a good offensive line. So you got a receiver out

there too? Now that Julio Jones went, what the hell did Julio Jones go? Julio Jones went to the Bucks with Brady. Oh, helps to know these things when you're picking games. Well, this is my on the road breakfast, double espresso and an orange. This is what I do. I don't think it's doing anything for me in my physique, but it's fun. So Andrew, have we done what, three games each? No, I picked four. Wait, that's it? That's it. All right. So I got the Giants, the Commanders. I got the Giants, the Commanders, the Colts. Fuck, it's an orange while they're doing a podcast. I get the shit all of my fingers. Okay, there we go. There are our picks. So there you go, everybody. If you're following the anything better, oh, look at, look at Andrew, by the way,

let's, let's, let's take a second to look at our producer, what our producer, Andrew Femmles, put together here, got some illustrations this year. We didn't even have these last year. Last year it was done on paper. So here you go, everybody. Holy shit. If you want professional. Yeah, look at this. If you want to follow the anything better bets on BetMGM, Bill has the Ravens minus seven, the Cardinals plus six, the Chargers minus three and a half, and the Packers minus one and a half. And I have the Colts minus seven, the Commanders minus two and a half, the Giants plus six, and the Buccaneers minus two and a half for week one. And what do you see there, Paul? What do you see if you look at both of our picks? What is the

similarity? A little mixture of favorites and dogs, not all three favorites and one dog. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But the exact same thing, Paul. Yeah, but the Packers is almost like a pick them. It's close. It's like, you know, you're never going to win by two really rare. I'm saying, Paul, like mines, you know, like mines, let's see. I mean, look, I like mine, Paul. You love my Colts pick and I love your Chargers pick. Paul, I love you. Now it's time for Bill. Guess what time it is for? Oh, let the Monday night special win some money for you. Monday night special. Our Monday night special this week features the Denver Broncos with the newly acquired Russell Wilson going into sneaky Pete's

house. Dude, I'll tell you right now, if you don't watch that game, the woman in your life does not let you watch that game. You need to get out of that relationship. Now I don't give a fuck if it's her birthday. Okay. Russell Wilson is going back into Seattle to drop it down the bucket on his old team. To be a fly on the wall in sneaky Pete's office before this game would be something I would love to do. Oh, sneaky Pete's wife is making no eye contact this week. No eye contact. Your grandfather is under a little bit of stress this week. Shut up, Marge. Press my trackies early. Pete Carroll has not wanted to win a game this bad since that Patriots Super Bowl. Oh, dude, Pete Carroll is this has been, I mean, he's obsessing.

He's obsessing. You know what I'm talking about guys fucking ageing great. He's a 70 year old man. All right, Paul. Oh, it's so funny. Yeah, dude, this is he's he's towards the end here and he's got to show these fucking guys. Okay, he doesn't want the buzzards circling over his head. Paul, that's the new thing. Who's going to be the first coach of the year to have the buzzards circling his fucking head? Who's going to be the first coach putting his house up on the market? Oh, I don't know, man. If sneaky Pete wins only four or five games, he could be the buzzards could be the buzzards. No, no, no, you can't get no, Pete, Pete, he's earned three bad seasons. Yeah, that's Pete Carroll to Pete Carroll is a Hall of Fame coach, man. He's won at all

levels, questionably how he's won it. But you know, he's won. Yeah. Hey, let's he's ran out the back door. Okay. Hey, he's dipping into the church basket there. Okay. That's perfect. All right, so Andrew, for the for this year, for the one game parlay, the Monday night special, we can do an under over. We could do a player to get a touchdown or two, right? Or right? A player to get. Yeah, player to score and then an under over. It might be the espresso talking, but I think that game's going to be bananas. Okay. I think it goes over, Paul. What's the under over there, Andrew? It's the total is 44 and a half. Of course it is. Of course. Great number. Oh, Andrew, our producer likes under. You know, I was thinking, I was thinking that's a lot of

points for Denver's got a pretty good defense. That place gets really loud, fake loud. I don't know. I don't know, man. Let's go under. All right. So let's take, we take the Broncos. Dude, I'm like that guy in the back seat on a road trip. He doesn't give a fuck, right? What are you over under? I don't give a shit. We're going to the game. I got a six pack. Whatever you want to know. I hop, Denny's same fucking thing. I don't give a shit. Shut my phone off. I got some fun. I got a couple of yards on the game. Hey, Bill, cracker barrel. Just don't pass it. Just don't pass it. Good old fashioned truck or food. That fucking piece of shit. Fucking goulash. Um, okay, that trucker was I had to take a dump and that there was a trucker in there. I swear

to God with duck boots on just sitting on the fucking throne. Dude, there was a goulash. They were serving goulash at a mobile. Dude, here's another thing too. There is no way if you will raise right that you can walk into a public bathroom and sit on on the other side of somebody who's already taken a shit if you have to take a dump. There's got to be nobody in there. 100% Has to be nobody in there unless you're in an airport and there's a connecting flight and there's like 30 salesmen lining up and you don't know who's doing why. It's just, it's just literally Paul. It's literally a shit show unless you have a stomach flu or virus. That's the only exception. Oh, dude, I'll miss a flight and take a train before I shit next to a fucking

stranger. Are we going to say Russell Wilson runs for one or throws one? Can we do that, Andrew? Yeah, it'll just be, that's, yeah, scores a touchdown. So that'll be considered as a score. So if we say scores a touchdown, it's either or. Yeah, yeah. What do you think, Bill? Russell Wilson do what I'm thinking. I've watched so much US Open this week. Andrew Thamelis looks like a tennis pro. He does. He looks like he's advanced to the round of 16. By the way, shout out to Serena Williams. I ended up watching that her last match there. I don't know if she's going to retire or whatever, but it was fucking, what a run, man. What a fucking run. And then you walk off, Paul, and you know what? The whole event continues. And there'll be more greats coming along.

Won't be as great as her, but like, that's what I was kind of getting when she was walking off and everybody's waving. I don't like her. I never liked her. I love her sister Venus. I think her sister Venus is a class act. I'm not a Serena guy. What got me was the thing with that, when that Asian tennis player cried and apologized for winning because Serena didn't like the calls, and I was just like taking her moment. I'm not a Serena guy. I'm a Venus Williams guy, you know? But God bless her. She's one of the best. What can you say? You know, I mean, I got called, you know, not my favorite, you know? Hey, you know what that reminded me of? That reminded me of Bill O'Reilly's tribute to fucking

George Carlin when he died. What'd he do? He goes on tribute, and then there was just an interview with him going, you swear a lot. Why don't you swear so much? That's just him basically shitting on or criticizing him was his tribute to George Carlin. Was Carlin on? Carlin went on his thing and he was asking him why he cursed so much and all that. Dude, I'll actually tell you this about tennis, Paul. I actually, I texted this to you. I think tennis is more difficult than golf because it's the same thing that you golfers talk about, where there's that mental thing, you've got to address the ball, you have all this time to think, and when you fuck up and your game gets bad, and it's just, dude, I was watching this dude

playing, was it Nadal? The guy always wins the French, open? Rafael Nadal, yeah. Yeah. So I was watching him playing, dude, this guy mopped the fucking floor with them in the first set, broke them twice or something like that. The guy, he could play at Nadal's level. All right, but Nadal, every time he made a point, he fucking go like that, like I'm turning it around, turning around, and he still lost the first set. The next set, they go into the second set, he breaks the guy and the guy's whole game falls apart. And you just looking at like, what is the difference between the two of them in that moment? Is that when this other guy was

kicking his fucking ass, Nadal doesn't, he doesn't fucking, doesn't change, doesn't waiver. And it's the same thing on the golf course. So I feel like it's the same mental game because it is just you, except you got to hit a ball that can be going upwards of 130 miles an hour, rather than it's sticking up on a tee. And you got to make a quick decision too. Yeah. And I, and I think if there was, if there was more doctors out there when fucking old fat guys were walking in going up, you know, you're going to have a heart attack, take up a sport. If more of them said take up tennis, I think it'd get more respect for how tough it is. It's just such a physically demanding game and mentally demanding game. I actually,

I don't know, I've been having a really good time watching, watching the, the US Open. There, I said it, Paul, I think it's, I think it's harder than golf. What, so what are we doing Monday night special? We're going to take, we're going to take my 20 minute point. You just go right back to what we were talking about. No, no, no, no, no, I, I, I love, I'll tell you this, dude, I am a Serena guy. And I think she was fucking amazing and all the bullshit she had to deal with going through. I remember that time she did like the fucking Crip Walk and all that. And then Fox News was like, she throwing up gang signs and blah, blah, blah. It's like, she's from that neighborhood. She's having a good time.

She's having a good time. Can you just fucking let her have a good time? I thought she was, she was amazing. And just watching her out there, man, my mother-in-law is going, she looks tired. I'm like, she's a 41 year old mother. She's probably exhausted. Yeah. Did tennis at the highest fucking level? Venus retired too. I think like two years ago, I think they're both, yeah, they're both, I think they both have multiple kids, I think. No, Serena has one kid. I don't think Venus has any kids, but just like, you know, if Will Smith didn't do what he did at the Oscars, more people would have saw that movie. You want to talk about screwing the pooch. I mean, Jesus Christ, dude. It was like, it was his night. He was going to win. I like your comparison of golf and tennis.

That's actually a cool argument because in tennis, you do have to have different shots. You have to do it at a split second, the level of speed. Golf, you could kind of line up and after doing it a bunch, it's kind of the same shot where in tennis, you got to go back and that's a good argument. I like that comparison. It's also that thing where it's all on you. Everybody's watching. It's the same thing where you have to shut the fuck up when everybody's playing. You know, those are the two sports like, shh, they're going to hit the ball. It's the same fucking thing. And then like, dude, the mental shit of that, like when you're about to get broken, right? And you're serving and that first one goes into the net and then you see that guy creeping

up past the baseline. Then you've got to be like, do I come with the gas or do I go safe here? And it's just all of that shit that they do. I mean, I think it's- No, that just reminded me. There was a YouTube clip of this guy about to drive and it's all quiet and his buddy's behind him and his buddy's leg just starts moving to the right and he's waiting for the backswing. And right when the guy backswings, his buddy just farted so long and the ball just shot to the right. And everybody just started laughing. All right. Monday night special, we're taking the, are we taking the Broncos or do you want to take the Seahawks? What's the line? Is it six and a half, seven?

Six and a half. Six and a half dogs at home. Six and a half dogs at home. Sneaky Pete, sneaky Pete's getting six and a half home. And you think he's not using that as motivation? That's straight up disrespect. Who's that quarterback though? But Russell doesn't like him. He's running like a 440. Dude, Geno Smith is their quarterback. I think we got to take the Broncos, dude. Geno Smith has been a backup. Russell Wilson's coming in a little fucking, I think we go Broncos under. But how loud is that place going to be every time he walks up under center, Paul? I know. They'll give him an ovation too. There'll be no booth. Like he'll feel good too.

Oh, he didn't. He took the fucking money. He wanted out. He asked out. They're going to be fucking pissed. Dude, he gave him a Super Bowl. I mean, he gave him good years. Dude, they don't give a fuck. They're a bunch of reigned on white people. They're miserable. Dude, we boot Tom Brady. I know it's ridiculous. It wasn't ridiculous. We gave him an ovation. And then when he ran on under center, it was just like, Hey, fuck you. You're on the other team. No, but they gave him an ovation that I that, you know, they gave an ovation. I think that that's what I think he gets the ovation. And then I'm not talking guitars, Andrew. He gets an ovation. A little nod there. And then he comes out and then they boom, but I'm going to tell you this

right now, dude, I Russell Wilson for the longest time has been my favorite quarterback in the NFL. Just he just throws the best deep ball in the fucking game. He actually sold such a good deep ball. What he calls it dropping it down the bucket is now part of like the sports, you know, whatever, not an acronyms, whatever, expressions. Nobody does it better than that guy right now. The deep ball. I think I don't know anything about the Broncos. I think I'm overly excited for this game. And I think I just had a double espresso. So I am going to go. I'm going with the Broncos. I agree, dude. They got a good defense and Geno Smith is not a starting quarterback. He's proven that everywhere. And Russell's coming back. I like the Broncos. I like the under and what can we pick

Russell to get for more money? Can we pick them to get to where it has to be one? Okay. Keep them happy. Yeah. They bet MGM. They saw what we were doing with the Monday night special. So now they have all these fucking rules here. We won. We won you guys some money. Yeah. It's just like when they wouldn't let will dunk, Paul. We're on the same level. This is the gambling version of that. Yeah. Keep it to what color the jersey is going to be, you know, just all safe shit. All right. So there you go. No way. No. So wait, can we pick one other thing or no? No. It's three. Three things. So we picked the under. We picked the Broncos. Yeah. And Russell to have a touchdown. I was going to say he's going to throw for two because I feel

like I said, but I feel like Geno's not going to move the ball that defense is going to get tired. You know what? We'll do this. See if we can do Russell gets two touchdowns for better odds. And if not, we'll just do one. Can we do that? Yep. And when they go to the landing page, they'll see what the final bet was by the time. So when you go, when you go to the page, if you ride with our Monday night special, you'll see if it is one or two touchdowns, but we're going to take the under, we're going to take the Broncos and we're going to take sneaky Pete to get off to a test. I hope we make some people some fucking money again this year. Wow. Look at Bill Andrew, right after a double espresso. He looks like he's ready to go to a tailgate. I love it.

I love it. No, this is my, this is the only thing keep me going out here, Paul. Paul, I am fucking, I'm bone on bone out here mentally. I can't even go to the fucking dude, I can't fuck with a double espresso. Do I be fucking jittery? I don't know how you, you're handling it. Well, I'd be a drink a fucking pot of it. Yeah. I could drink a pot of it. I could fucking, I could literally go in and get interrogated by cops and say, I have no idea. Paul Verzi has been an upstanding Italian American since I've met. Oh, by the way, dude, I finally watched that, that, that, that documentary on the, uh, the, the trashers, the trashers, the hockey team,

the, the, the, the sanitation guy got dude, 15 minutes from my house. 15 minutes. He was the real life guy, like Joe Pesci from casino, where what I loved about his character was, is all the crazy shit he was doing. He was a fucking great father. And I actually, what I got out of that thing was, um, I loved the relationship that him and his son had was amazing. And then the charisma of his dad, that even the commissioner of the team of, of, of the thing, and eventually he couldn't resist the guy's charisma. Like I just thought, uh, and then all the players fucking loved him. Oh, dude, crying. Yeah. There was something like beyond, it was like family. Yeah. And then they, they also, who were they ripping off? They were

ripping off the crooks that run our government. So that was just kind of like, all right, well, yeah, it was like the bad guys are root for it. Listen, I feel like if the government every once in a while, well, hey Paul, you had a good fucking year and they just dropped 10 grand cash at your fucking doorstep, I think you'd be a little more patriotic. Absolutely. No, I actually, I, I, I was loving watching. I love when, when the kid who's the 17 year old GM, when he goes, I just became like this stats geek. And like they started showing all these codes and stuff. And my wife was going, Oh, was that shady? They making fun of them. And I'm going, no, no, like this, watch this, watch this. It's a compliment because he started noticing like patterns

that's what I liked about him too. Cause he just reminded me like all the guys I fucking hung out with where you're like, you, you maybe you suck at school, but for some reason you're good at like, I don't know, watching sports. And I respect Paul. Yeah. And I respected that afterwards. He's like, I'm not doing anything from, you know, under my dad right now. Like I'm trying to do this boxing thing or I have a gym. Like he kind of wanted to like do his own thing. I kind of thought like you watch the guy get like more mature through it. And I thought he had that it's kind of that Dave Portnoy. Like Dave Portnoy understands how to run the circus. You know what I mean? He understands his audience and he knows, you know, those tough

man competitions and everything that fucking guy does. Like he exposes me to shit like that. I didn't even know I was interested in. It was just like, I'm fucking watching this. This is great. Or the fact that he goes to like the smaller markets and shines a light on that. I think all of that stuff's great. I think that kid with his, just his skills, like his business skills and all that type of stuff. I think he's going to do real well in life. I fucking loved it, dude. I thought I was going to watch it. It was just going to be like, Hey, this guy who's shady did this thing. I loved it. It was like, these guys were actually really good at it. Yeah. They, all those guys go to the place, right? The ice thing where I take Sophia and I love

it. The end when he was crying, one of the guys is crying. He goes, you didn't rat. He never radish. So my favorite guy was the telecivilis looking guy. Yeah. Yeah. What was it? What was it? I forget the guy's name on Jimmy, whatever he goes. He goes, you don't tell Jimmy to shut the fuck up. Nobody tells me to shut the fuck up. And then he takes like these two pictures on the cigar. We're talking about this, like everybody watched it. You should definitely check it out. And another thing too, that they crushed the logo. I was going to say how brash is for shit. Hold it. And the garbage can hold in the stick. It was the shit. Like I literally went in just in the way that they put it together. Like when they first met his kid, he was a punk. He looked like a punk

with his double earrings and stuff. And they set it up like you weren't going to love the kid by the end. And in the end, I was just like, I respect them as fucking kids like really good at running a team. Yeah. Yeah, it was great. How great was that that his dad just bought him a team and says, dad's just like, yeah, it's your team. Do what you want. That's like an epic. I'm not just that his dad didn't know shit about hockey wasn't really into the game. And they just, they just go fuck it. We're doing this. And they went, they ended up being great at it. Yeah. That was probably that one I watched the and one one. That one was I didn't like that one because I was rooting for them to be the man tie. I got to tell you the three that I watched

all were home runs. The trashers one was great. The man tied tail thing was great. And the Tim Donagy thing, they were all fucking really good watches, man. They ran tail was hard to watch because dude, that was tough, dude, because he was so sheltered with good people around him that he never anticipated that anybody would do something like that. Like yeah, he was be like his be that's a great like perfect way to say his bewilderment of how evil is out there. He's like trying to help somebody, dude. It was fucked up. And then he's like, I'm on stage holding the Heisman Trophy knowing now that I got fucking duped and they're asked me about it. And he's like, I didn't know I couldn't lie in that. It was just the whole thing was fucked up,

man. Really fucked up. You gotta listen to a bunch of dirtbags. Dude, how could you not know like all that Monday morning quarterback shit? Dude, I can tell you something right now. If when I was his age, someone could have got me like that too. 100%. Yeah, dude. And he was like, I was the most sheltered, gullible sheltered in a different way. Like just completely. Walt dude, he was in like freezing ass Indiana, like as whole families in Hawaii, he sees an attractive woman start talking to him and then says all and he's trying to I get it, dude. I mean, three years is like his best friend was like after a while it started to get. But

look, man, I feel bad. I felt bad for the kid. You could have strung me along for a good nine months. Ten months. Sorry, Bill. I'm busy again this weekend. No, that's okay. I'm typing away. Well, me being as close with you as I am after you told me like this is our relationship after you told me after six months, I'm like, dude, is she going to come to the school and visit? And then if you were like, I gotta be honest with you, that's kind of, you know, and that's the way you would go into it with these questions. So you still haven't seen her? I'm just asking, you know, just what about, you know, like 100% maybe you guys could like FaceTime. Have you you FaceTime at all? Yeah. And then when you were like, I'd be like, have you ever seen her?

And if you're like, no, do I actually never saw her? Then I'd be like, yeah, dude, you might want to I gotta be honest with you, Paul. I kind of feel that way when I watch you with the Packers every year. I mean, you would literally think that you live in Appleton, Wisconsin, the way you are, you are like ride or die. I wouldn't say they're like the giants are here and the Packers and Aaron Rogers is right here. It's actually it is it's alarming and it actually makes me question my decisions. I just he just lures me along because how many times are you going to go fucking 13 wins and lose the first round at home? I don't understand. I just love how you talked about yourself like you, it wasn't even you was some governmental agency. It's alarming and it's

actually bringing up a lot of concern. It was almost sociopathic. This time this fucking guy, I was watching one of those behind the scenes in jail thing, one of those fucking horrifying things and this guy like killed his killed his fucking cellmate. Well, I just bludgeoned him to death and at some point they were trying to find the guys like eye or ear and they couldn't find it and they go, what happened to it? And the guy goes, we don't know. We don't know somebody else. Like he wasn't the one person. The pronoun he was using was it was like he was part of the investigation. You know what that reminded me of when Oprah sat down with Lance Armstrong and she goes, and then you did this and he goes, I know, sick. It's sick. And he goes, and he goes,

even more sick. It remind like I imagine me like in like a sitting around people and they were just like a professional goes, Paul, like you picked Aaron Rodgers again. Like I'm just like, I know it's sick. I don't know. It's like, I can't even wrap my head around it. Like Paul was still talking about something you did, right? Oh, it's so great. I mean, I get it, dude. It's Aaron Rodgers, but like I just, I look at, I picked him this week, but I just feel like the level of frustration he has with that franchise speaks volumes to me that like he, you know, the quarterback knows at this point, like playing as long as him, how much he understands the game. He's basically a head coach or a fucking coach on some level

playing the game. And if he's that frustrated, Paul, yeah, might want to take the hint, Paul, when the commander in chief of the football team is going, what the fuck are we doing here? Yeah. Paul, you're just taking, you're throwing good money after bad. Yeah. One of my favorite expressions. I still, I never quite understood it. And then when I, when I watch them, I go like this, I'll be like, how many times are you going to lose in the first round at Lambo after a buy? And it's, it's crazy, but we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. I like your pick. I would have, you know, I would have taken them. I like those little edge, you know, we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. Like,

you, you don't like that. I'm quite like somewhere that stopped being fun. Now you're questioning, like why are you questioning? At what point does Aaron Rodgers become, since he's one of the greatest to ever get a second ring? Is it going to happen or is it not going to happen? You know, that's the other thing it's like, is the guy ever going to fucking just go on a run? I love that he got a ring. So all those fucking unathletic fucking sports writers aren't riding his ass about that because there's nothing that they love better than a fucking guy way more talented with a way better looking girlfriend in a car, not getting a ring. That's how they get all, they get really excited about that. As a one, the big one though,

some guy literally sitting there eating a donut, Paul. Happy, happy he didn't. Just yeah, he never did it. All right. Well guys, I mean, what else do you want? What else could we do for you? I mean, you got our first week picks. We're back to Paul. I can't even tell you, I want these, I want our listeners. We got to hit these Monday night specials. We owe it to them, Paul. Do anything better than listening to the two shitheads. Give you some Monday night. I know you're going to, I'm not a shithead. Don't fucking drag me into that. No, no, no, I'm gonna knock around guys to recovered meatheads. You want to go with that? I want to beat the book twice in a

row and then have people go, where you at ESPN? Where you at fucking dude, I want to beat these guys so bad. They try to bring us in the fold, you know, like when they catch a good cheater at a casino and you end up working at the casino. I want to turn down guys like Colin Cowherd, when they want to come on, go, nah, nah. Look at us, Paul. We had one winning year. Look at this shit we're talking. No, I'm fucking around. But I would like to have another year so people aren't like, oh, that's second year or those are right. It's like Rodney's joke. I'm all right, this week, last week I was in rough shit. I want to walk into bed MGM and everyone looks at the ground. Oh yeah. No. Oh, all right. There we go. It's cigar. All right, everybody. There you are.

You buying a selling. What's that? Mac Jones, you buying a selling. Oh, no, I'm buying. I'm buying after what I saw last year. Yeah, I think, I think this is, this is his breakout year. Yeah. I mean, you can't, if you sell on that, you're just not paying attention to football. All right. You know, you're not paying attention to football, but you know the guy I'm real big on this year is, is Justin Herbert. That's the guy I'm, I'm, I'm watching. I love him. I think he slings it like a, I mean, dude, he's six, six, he's got a great, but like you said, their defense needs to be, uh, they got to have a decent six, dude. How much bigger a quarterback is going to get? Dude, dude, he's six. Oh, by the way, I know, I know we got to get Aaron judge hit 54. He's got a month.

He's got a month to get eight. All right. I respect for you, Paul. I'm staying away from the conversation of the New York Yankees right now. Okay. Why? He's always been a class act. I'm not bringing them up. All right. What do we got, Andrew? We're good. We got, we got the Monday night special and we got our picks in where everybody's good. Everybody's happy. He's four o'clock on the button. And what else do these people want from us other than a win on sat on Monday night? No, we got to hit, we got to hit the Monday night specials, Paul. We got to, we got to get him a couple. All right. That's it. All right. We're babbling here. All right. That's it, Paul. Uh, happy to be

able to do this again with you this year. Thank you to bet MGM for letting us do this. Thanks to all the fans for listening and let's watch some football, baby. All right, man. I'll talk to you soon. All right, we'll see you. All right, everybody. That is it. Thank you guys so much. And again, please do not forget to, uh, to bet with us and to bet on the best app there is out there and the best lines go to the bet MGM app, download it, use bonus code burr. That's B U R R. Uh, and you will get a hundred percent risk free, uh, bet up to a thousand dollars with your first wager. Again, here's how it works. You download the bet MGM app, you sign up using bonus code burr, deposit at least $10 and place your first wager on any game. You'll receive up to $1,000 in free

bets. If your bet loses, just make sure you use bonus code burr. That's B U R R. When you sign up, enjoy it, bet with us, bet responsibly, and have a good time. And remember guys, to bet, you got to be 21 years of age or older to wager in Arizona, Colorado, DC, Iowa, Indiana, Kansas, Michigan, Mississippi, New Jersey, New York, Nevada, Pennsylvania, Tennessee, Virginia, West Virginia, or Wyoming only new customer offer paid in free bets. Visit bet MGM.com for terms and conditions, uh, excludes Michigan disassociated persons. Uh, please gamble responsibly. Gambling problem. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP for Arizona. Call 1-800-522-4700 for Colorado, DC, Nevada, Wyoming, West Virginia. 1-800-270-7117 for Confidential Help, Michigan.

1-800-Gambler in Indiana, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia. 1-800-Bets-Off in Iowa. Call or text the Tennessee Red Line 800-889-9789 in Tennessee, or call 1-888-777-9696 for Mississippi. Sports betting is void in Georgia, Hawaii, Ohio, and Utah, and other states were prohibited. Promotional offers not available in Nevada. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it is the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, September 8th, 2014. How are you? How's it going? Two weeks in a row. Fuck you. I'm excited. I told you last week how excited I was about the NFL football season starting, you know, and kind of sucked for me because I missed all of it. Basically, I was flying back

from Toronto. I went up there for the Toronto International Film Festival, the International Film Festival held up there in Toronto, because I got a movie. I don't have a movie. I have a partner movie. Take the ego down a little bit. Do you really have a movie? What do you have, Bill? Do you have a home movie that you shot about you rubbing your balls in your bed? All right, relax. I have a part in a movie called Black and White starring Kevin Costner and Octavia Spencer, directed by Mike Binder. I really want to see somebody from Boston talking about this movie when it's coming out. Somebody at a lower level who hasn't taken a speech class, career speech is what they call it, you know, when you get into mainstream media.

Good evening. Welcome to the Nightly News and you can't tell where the person's from. No accent. So basically, everybody can understand you slash they're not laughing at the way you speak. You know, I want to see the local person in Boston doing this new movie coming out Black and White starring Kevin Costner and Octavia Spencer, directed by Mike Binder. Come on down to MVP Sports. We got all the jerseys. We got the Sharks, the Steelers, the Chargers and more. Anyways, that's actual copy for a long time ago from an MTV, MTV MVP Sports radio spot. We got the Sharks, the Steelers, the Chargers and more more. Do you really have more? You don't have less? No, we got more.

Jay Moore. Anyways, yeah, so I was on the plane. I missed, I missed all the games. I missed all the games. I missed my Patriots getting their asses whipped in the second half evidently by the Miami Dolphins and I want to, I wish I had maybe the NFL Network or Reef Show. So I'm a bit, I want to watch it. I want to see what happened. I was actually on the plane coming back flying Air Canada and I'm thinking, all right, well, let me take you through the whole thing. I flew up, was it Friday night? Me and the lovely Neil, we flew up there for the film festival and I shot this movie last year. Remember last year when I told you I was in New Orleans for those of you who were listening last year? You know, we shot this movie and I

lucked out because it was hot as balls. The level of humidity was something I had never experienced other than when I was in New York City and I remember late night standing on a subway platform underground and basically, I mean, it was already hot as fuck outside and then underground you basically with this air that was trapped after the sun had been beating on the asphalt above heating up all the air underneath for 24 fucking hours, whatever the hell it was, and was just standing there like a fucking zombie in late night. If he never lived, you know, in a city, the trains don't run like every six, seven minutes. If you miss a train, you're going to be there for an ungodly like 20, 25 minutes. And usually what you're thinking is, is please

don't let anybody crawl up from the tracks and, you know, drag, you know, four or five of them, grab me by the legs and pull me under to their underworld cities and use me as a food source. That's what you're usually worried about or getting stabbed or getting robbed or whatever. On that particular night, none of that entered into my mind. I was just standing there. I remember early on, before I got delusional, I was wondering, hey, what if I, I should probably not stand too close to the track because if I get so dehydrated and pass out and fall into the tracks, I'm going to get run over. It was just brutal. So what anyways, I had not experienced heat like that. That anyways down in New Orleans since my days living in New York City. And I

really lucked out if you go and see the film, which I hope you do. It did really well at the festival. And I remember I just totally lucked out where all of my scenes were indoors. I only had one scene where I had to get out of a car and just walk up to Kevin's character's house. But other than that, I was inside the whole fucking time. Even when I was outside, I was inside. I was to be sitting in a car and we'd be cranking the AC and then shut it off right before they did the take. I completely fucking lucked out. But anyways, so went up there for the premiere. And it was an awesome time. Got to see everybody in the cast. It's an unreal cast. Anthony Mackie's in it. I play a lawyer. I play a lawyer and I'm representing Kevin Costner and Anthony Mackie

represents Octavia Spencer's family. And you know, it was pretty insane. It was definitely one of those how the hell did I end up here moments? What am I doing here? And how soon am I going to get fired? You know, one of those deals. And fortunately, none of that happened. And I had a great time. But so anyways, it's been a year since I've seen everybody in the cast or whatever. So we all got to hang out. Got to watch the film in front of a crowd, which is fucking nerve wracking. But fortunately, they got on early. They got on the ride early and they just, you know, and went great. It went great. And I had a great time and went to the after parties, did all of that type of stuff, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blue and all that. You know, it's funny

when went to the premiere was hilarious was they bring you over there, right? And I get this huge film festival, I come from the standup world. So I have no idea. So there's all these big time movie actors there. So anyways, when they bring you over to do the red carpet, they drive you over and like, you know, whatever the fuck we were at, we went to a dinner. No, there was an early that's right. There was an early thing you all meet up. Then they do the press junk. It's tell us about work day all this movie wasn't excited to work with somebody like this guy. But they do all that shit. And you just put on your happy face. Oh, my God, it was amazing. Everybody was so amazing. You just do that shit. You go into that mode, right? So then they bring

us over, right? And you're pulling up to the red carpet. And there's a fucking, probably eight, nine people deep, wrapped around this semi circle where all the cars are pulling up because they want to see all these big time fucking Hollywood stars. So lo and behold, one of the first ones to come down the fucking path was me, right? I wish I don't, I've never done one of those. I wish I fucking videoed the looks on people's faces. The fucking manic look of excitement past combined with where is the famous guy? So they're looking, looking into the truck. And they're like, and they're looking at me and then quickly look as I just, you know, I'm standing there. I'm in a suit. I look like a fucking agent. They don't know the fuck I am. So I, the door

opens and the crowd's like, as I go to get out and immediately, it just fucking, you know, like the beginning of a football game where everybody's going crazy and you're getting ready for the, for them to kick off and the, and the kicker starts running at the ball and then the wind blows it off the tee and then the crowd has to die down before they start going, that's basically what it was. Me stepping out of that truck was like the football falling off the tee and they were, they were looking at Nia like she was in the movie. They thought she was in the movie. They were like, who is that? Is that, you know, fucking, is that Will Smith's wife? Um, anyways, so then whatever went out and did the red carpet, red carpet was the same experience,

which was fucking hilarious. Was people talking to me, asking me questions as they were looking down the carpet to see, you know, where the real person was that was coming. So I just started making a joke. Everyone I wanted as whenever they would look, I would be like, yeah, don't worry, Kevin's coming. Kevin's coming. You wrap it up with me, wrap it up. And they'd be like, oh, no, no, no. It's like, yes, yes, yes, I get it. Him. You're waiting for him. You're not going to use this. So, um, I had a great time. I was making Nia laugh the whole fucking way down because I just kept addressing that. And, um, it was just, it was a great time. And, uh, you know, I don't know, the whole thing was, it was interesting going through there. And they're just

some of the questions that they would ask who kind of like open ended. They'd be like, you know, you know, this movie deals with race. And in the light of the Colin Ferguson, it's like this thing was made a year ago. This was made before then. What do you feel? How do you feel that this movie is going to affect the boo boo boo? What am I a fucking sorcerer? I don't know. I think people are going to think what they think. All right, Bill, thank you very much. Kevin. So anyways, uh, I got to do all of that shit. And, um, it was definitely a good time. And, uh, we saw the movie, movie did great. And, uh, the crowd really seemed to like it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We went to the after party.

And that was a really interesting thing too, because I didn't understand what was going on. We went to this party and we're sitting at a table and there was who I thought were these random people at the table. I'm like, who are these fucking people sitting here? Why am I talking? What am I talking? And it turned out these were the people that put, you know, a lot of the money up for the movie. So basically when you guys do your movie, all right, and you go to your premiere and you step out and you get to experience what it feels like to be the human version of a football falling off a tee. Um, afterwards you go, I guess the next party you go to is people that put up, you know, I know Kevin put up a bunch of money for the movie and then there was like, uh, I don't

know, these other people that put up money for the movie. So they then have a dinner and then you go and you interact with them and basically thank them for putting the money up for the movie. All fucking freckles didn't realize that I'm looking at this guy is okay for doing the fuck is this guy. Um, and then once I realized it's like, oh, oh, okay, okay. Oh, we're still playing the game. I thought the game was over, you know, it was halftime. I thought once we, once we did the whole fucking premiere of it and it went well, I thought that that was the end of the bullshit and that old Billy could start drinking. So, um, I gotta be honest with you, I didn't really drink that night. That was one of those nights you don't drink. You know, you just have

to be kind of on point the entire time, but it was, uh, it was definitely a lot of fun. Unfortunately, you know, Toronto is one of my favorite fucking cities. I just like going up to Canada, man. I really enjoy it and, uh, but you know, I was only up there for like 24 hours. So I didn't get to do some of the things I got to do when I did the tour with Fersi. Um, but definitely stayed at the same hotel, my favorite hotel up there at a fucking steam room, some old man shit. I gotta be honest with you, steams are the best fucking thing ever. You know, at any one time you smoke a fucking cigar, I swear to God, you taste it the next day until about two in the afternoon, unless you wake up in the morning and you go take a steam, you take a steam, you just sweat out all the impurities

and I'm telling you that shit comes right out. You're fine. You're fine. You're sweating out all the kids. Um, anyways, so that's the deal. So that movie comes out, I believe end of October, early November. I'm definitely going to get, uh, Mike Binder, the director who put me in the fucking movie, literally, um, I'm going to definitely going to get him on the podcast at some point and possibly, uh, maybe another cast member we'll see. We will definitely see. So please look out for that. Please go pay to see the movie. Please don't steal it. But you know, at the end of the day, you have all the power. Um, all right, let's continue once. So anyway, so then, then, uh, I, what did I do? Yeah. Okay. So the next day I wake up, I take a steam, right? And I go over to

the fucking airport. Look at me, old Billy fancy pants, right? Taking steams, going to premieres. I had a big weekend. I'm not going to apologize for it. Took me 22 years. Um, so, uh, I went over to the airport and I'm sitting in the, uh, I'm sitting at the airport and they have all this NFL pregame going on. And I'm thinking, I fuck, I'm going to miss everything. And I'm watching the pregame and which I never watch. And I haven't really watched it in years. It's why I don't know anybody's names anymore. And I'm really bad at that. I mean, part of it's cause I'm on the road all the fucking time, but, uh, I think, um, I don't know. Sorry guys. Can you tell them looking at something else here on the computer? I, so I'm sitting there watching it. And, uh, the first

thing I see, and I started tweeting this shit and it kind of started, uh, I got a little thing going on Twitter of just the dumb shit that they say in the whole fucking, um, the NFL pregame. You know, like freeze the tape right there. Okay. Well, you can see right there where he's making decisions. He is making decisions and that is a good thing. He's looking at it. Not only last year, he was just looking, it was his first read. He was telegraphing where he was going to throw the ball. And if you see right here what he's doing, he is now checking down the field at second and third reads. Now I can tell you when a quarterback does that, that is when he's starting to play the quarterback position at an NFL level, right? Fucking all of that shit. Just a bunch of

fucking people in suits breaking down the game the way it never needed to be broken down. It is completely a product of fucking 9,024 hour sports channels. I mean, dude, I'm sitting there. It's like two and a half hours before kickoff and they're already doing pregame. It's like, dude, pregame used to be a half hour before Brent Musburger, Irv Cross, that Kennedy woman, whatever the hell Jackie, not Jackie Kennedy. What the hell was her name? And then Jimmy the Greek. That was CBS and then NBC. You had fucking Brian Gumbel and Mike Adamley, NFL 81, right? That's what the fuck you would do. That's all you just watched that and they went around the league and it was cool. Bang, bang, boom, and you were done. And then you went to your local feet. Now

you just got these guys are out there. They're acting it out on that half a football field over and far. I'll tell you right now, what they're trying to do is they're trying to turn around the culture in the locker on the locker room for years. It is. It has been a mentality that we are not going to win the big one. And that's why they brought in Joe fucking bag of donuts to come in there and try to turn around. It's stupid as shit ever over and fucking over and over. So anyway, so I go again, I started tweeting all of that shit and, you know, just making up player names and all the dumb shit that they say, oh, he's a change man. He came into camp in the best shape of his football life.

He's listening to his coaches. He hasn't hit his wife and he only tested positive to weed. And I'll tell you that type of attitude, that type of attitude is contagious in the locker room. How many fucking times did they even sit there rolling their eyes with their football speak? Drives me up the fucking wall. Oh, anyway, what he needs to do is he needs to feel the pass rush. You have to in the national football league, which you have to be able to do is feel when that pocket is collapsing around you. You gotta have a clock in your head. You gotta have a clock in your head. And you want, once it's clicking down, you have to know you must get rid of the football because I'll tell you right now, if you don't do that, you take a sack right

there. That is a drive killer. Mike, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely agree. What he's doing there is you tell, he's padding the ball. He is telegraphing his passes. This is the type of stuff that they worked on in the off season. He showed some promising moments in the preseason, but I gotta tell you today, I don't know where that was. And I gotta want people, I gotta wonder, is it time to hit the panic button down the tap? Who the fuck can sit there and watch that horse? And then what I love is sports fans, watch that shit. And then it gets, it's like a virus. And then it gets in their fucking heads. And then they go out to sports bars and you talk about football. And then they start sounding like those people. You know, dude, you got to have a fucking

clock in your head, kid. You know, one 1000 to 1000 fucking get rid of it. Throw it out of bounds. Dude, you're allowed to do that as long as you're within the confines of the fucking pocket, dude. I can't fucking, I can't go to sports bars. Why would you, I don't give a fuck how fucking broke you are. There is no reason to not have the NFL package. There isn't. All right, you can go 40 fucking days without food. As long as you got water, you're fine. Do yourself a fucking favor, starve yourself. And yes, okay, I'm advocating anorexia to get the NFL package to not go down to the fucking sports bar, eating that heart attack food. I want you to bunch of grown men walking around in jerseys like they're dating the fucking player.

Dude, all day, all day. That horseshit. You're going to go down there looking at those tired waitresses trying to whore it up in their fucking cut off ref shirt. Listening to that bullshit. Unbelievable. Is it time to make a change? I'll tell you, I mean, if I am, if I am the offensive coordinator, he has had, you got to understand with this kid, this kid has had 19 offensive coordinators in the last seven seasons. Okay, I still don't think that we have seen what this kid is able to do out there. I'm still holding on. Yes, but you have to understand that he has had eight hinge. I don't know. I can't fuck right, right, right. I'm annoying myself just just even listening to this shit. So anyway, so I get on the fucking plane. And all I want to do is watch the game.

And, uh, you know, it's funny to watch a fucking game on a plane. I've been able to, it's just, it's the best. It just fucking blows through the whole flight. I mean, three hours, I mean, you just crushed your flight. And so I get on there, you know, somebody always has money on it, or somebody is like totally into the team. You know, you know, what's funny is if the game's kind of boring and then you turn it, right? And then all of a sudden, something exciting happens and you hear these guys like, whatever, like 10 rows back on like, yeah, and you fucking quickly turn it back on. You start watching it. It's the best time of the year to fly provided you're on like a virgin or

a jet blue or something like that. That's going to American airlines where they're going to have the fucking game. Unfortunately, I was on air Canada. We don't give a fuck about you and your American sports. You know what they had? I saw sports and my heart is like pumping going, oh my God, I'm going to have NFL football. All right. I'm going to be flying over what's the closest NFL city to Toronto. Is it Cleveland or is it Detroit? Both are separated by water, right? What game am I going to get? Am I going to get Pittsburgh fucking Cleveland? Did Detroit play? I don't even fucking know. I missed everything. Am I going to get the Chicago game? Hey, maybe I'll get lucky and I'll get to watch my Patriots play the Miami Dolphins, right?

All right. So I click on the sports little thing there and unfortunately I got all they had was taped games, games that already happened and it was highlights from the 2014 World Cup. So I did what any man does in those moments. I can't watch sports. I'm going to watch a documentary because that's the only other thing that's going to fucking be engaging enough. Oh fuck, 22 minutes in. I got to read some advertising here. Hang on a second. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. All right. Oh, speaking of football everybody, fantasy football players, I got something here for you. All right. If you just want to stop talking trash to your friends, you know, actually want to make a little bit of dough. We got the DraftKings.

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Chromically, I've done enough piece of shit things in life. I deserve the fact that NFL football is not on right now and I have to watch World Cup repeats of World Cup soccer, which I would watch if there was an NFL football on. The real football, not the football the rest of the world plays. You know what the rest of the world is? They like a bunch of mainstream fucking hacks. You know, they all want the same football, right? Like that fucking teeny bop and whore. Whatever the fuck her name is. Miley Cyrus. Like if she fucking played a sport, she'd play soccer. American football, that's like the underground band with balls that's trying to stick it to the man, man. Sorry, whatever. I like NFL football. Go fuck yourselves, all right? With your fucking

bangers and mash. Anyways, the fuck am I talking about? So I get on this. Oh yeah, so I'm like, what am I going to watch here? So I started watching this documentary about this dolphin that was hanging out around New Zealand and this woman started hanging out with the dolphin, started thinking about the dolphin in the middle of the night if it was lonely and she'd go in the water with the thing. It got really fucking creepy. You know, when people start fucking befriending a wild animal, especially when it lives in a fucking world that you can't breathe in. You know, I guess it's a mammal, so it comes to the surface. Is that the connection? I was like, wow, you have to come up for air too. So she started getting really creepy close with this

dolphin and then they started showing the fishermen that we're getting annoyed by the dolphin because it was eating all the fish and it was getting right to that point where I'm like, something tragic is going to happen to this doll and I'm going to start welling up, tearing up on an airplane and I don't want this to happen. So I turn the channel. That's how I watch all nature shows. I watch the part about the animal and right when it gets to the point and then man came and they show that fucking machine that just pulls trees out of the ground like the Hulk. Have you ever seen that fucking thing where one man in this goddamn machine can do more fucking damage than a fucking hurricane? So I kind of knew I was going to tap out. So I tapped

out on that and I decided to watch some classic TV and this made me feel really old. In classic TV they actually had WKRP in Cincinnati and I remember when that show came out. I used to watch it every week. You guys remember that show? No? Well, here's a little reminder. Maybe this is a fresher member, your memory. Remember that? Bill, there's no way you're going to sing the whole song. So I watched an episode of that and I got to tell you, I don't think I've ever seen a writer's room just tap out the way they did at the end of that episode. It was this fucking episode where Dr. Johnny Fever, they have basically, they're giving away $5,000 like a hundred bucks at a time throughout the summer and Johnny Fever reads it wrong and says it's a $5,000 giveaway.

So they go, fuck, what are we going to do? Mr. Carlson runs the station goes, if we have to give away five grand, not only is Fever losing his job, for some reason, Andy Travis is also going to lose his job, as well as Venus Flytrap, who's another fucking DJ, but I guess they threw him in because he was African American. Well, fuck you, we've been looking for a reason to get rid of you anyways, because this is Cincinnati in 1979. So what do they do? They go, all right, you basically, you got to name five songs, only hearing a couple of notes. So they splice them together so fucking quickly, they don't think anybody's going to get, get it. But of course, somebody gets it. And now they got five grand

of cash, everybody's going to lose their fucking money. And then what ends up happening is this guy shows up to claim the money, they give the guy the money and he leaves. And then two seconds later, the real guy shows up and they realize they gave away the wrong money. But Johnny Fever smelled a rat and he went down and he got the money back and hands it to Mr. Carlson. And that evidently made it all better. And then they ended the episode. It's like, well, wait a minute, what about the guy who actually won it? He's standing there. You still got to give him the five grand. And then it just ended. They played the end, the end song. I'm not even exaggerating. That's how the song goes at the end of WKRP. You can't understand one

fucking word. And then the cat comes up and that was 70s fucking television. Sorry. Anyways, so let's get to my fucking my New England Patriots. I didn't see anything of the game. I just saw the highlights, but I got to admit, I can't say dude, I called it. I can't remember if I said it on this podcast. I said it to a friend of mine where I thought this year the Patriots were going to dip a little bit and everybody else in our division was going to get a little bit better. It's just it's just what it is. It is what it is. You can only be on top for so fucking long. We've been on top of our division anyways for a long fucking time and I don't know. I don't know. It's just seemed like we were actually doing okay against the team. Was it like 20 to 10 or something like that

at the half? And then we just we couldn't do anything after. I'll tell you, they went on and they made the halftime adjustments and then the Patriots never adjusted to those halftime adjustments. I got to tell you, you know, I for one, I didn't like that trade when they let Logan Mankins go. I mean, I just fucking left tackle. I mean, he protects the players. I'm sure they're doing all of that shit and everybody freaking the fuck out about where the Patriots are. Okay, first of all, it's only one week and then second of all, you know, not for nothing. We're on a 14 season run. I think we've won the division every fucking year except maybe once or twice throughout Tom's whole career. I think the Jets won it one year.

No, they couldn't win that year because we never played them in a way game. They always came up to me. I don't fucking know. Oh, I remember the year Brady went down and we went 11 and five and we didn't make the fucking playoffs, I think when we had Matt Castle. And that was when Paul Verzi said Matt Castle's for real. The guys for real. He's mobile in the pocket, blah, blah, all that type of shit. I was like, dude, he's fucking he went 11 and five with the 16 and 0 team last year in the regular season. He lost five more games than the team did. It's the fact that you're counting down from 16 and now it's 11. If they won 12 the year before, all right, do the fucking math. I had to say

that to give myself a chance to catch up. They would all they would have gone seven and nine. All right, but I say five less, five less from 12. Yeah, seven and nine. Then you would have been like this guy stinks, ship him out of fucking town. So anyways, I would say that Logan Mankins was, I mean, obviously that was a main, a main point, but it also sounded like they are once again, our fucking defense is another issue. And I don't know, man, I didn't see the game, but it sounded like, you know, we got Vince Wilfork back and it just sounded like they just kind of went through our defense like butter. So we will see what happened. I'm by no means conceding the whole fucking year

because of one week, but you got to be honest, like as a sports fan, how long can the Patriots keep winning the vision that the AFC East and how long can the bills, jets and dolphins suck? I mean, you suck every year. You got to be drafting really high, right? At some point, you got to pick somebody. I don't even know the name of the dolphins quarterback, but I kind of looked up his stats from last year, the guy almost threw for 4,000 yards. The guy, he's no slouch. And I'll tell you, you know, these teams, they know each other, they meet twice a year. These teams, they know what they're doing. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, right now, it's hard to beat a team three times one season. So it's going to be really interesting

to see, I don't know, I'm a fucking nerd, man. I still love this shit. Even if we suck this year, I'm still going to watch every game unless, you know, I'm on a goddamn airplane. But, you know, it is what it is. You can only fucking hang in there for so goddamn long, not to mention Bill Belichick has been the guy. So everybody dissects what the fuck it is you do. They take your coaching staff and every the fact that he's been able to go on the run that he's been able to go on. This is fucking amazing. And also how excited people were when they saw Tom with his head down, you know, in the towel over his head, like you get fucking congestion or something like that, right? Congested nose failure, whatever the fuck it is. That actually made me laugh,

like people like best picture of Tom Brady ever. All that says to me as a Patriots fan is this guy's been raping you for fucking the better part of a decade and a half. All right. So we shall see, we'll see what's going on. I missed everything. I missed college football. I missed absolutely fucking everything. I don't even know what happened. So I'm just going to shut up about it. And with that, let me get into some of the reads this week for the Mulder Moody Pug. Did I do anything else? I'm trying to think, oh, you know what, I was watching last night, you know, I'm fucking car crazy right now. And I watched this great, this great YouTube video of the fucking Mercedes Benz SLS AMG GT, right? That one that opens up like the original one

from 1955 with the Go wings. And it's a base price of $221,580. And you know, those are the kind of cars that you look at. I was looking at the Roadster, by the way, which I guess is $228,080. These are the kind of cars that you look at when you go on the fucking internet. It's great. Because back in the day, you would actually have to go down to the lot if they even had one, and they would chase you away. They'd see you walking up going, oh, the fuck out of here, you fucking bum. We got chevets down the street there freckles. So what I love about this thing is you can actually watch, like I watched a whole test drive, this guy drove it through, you know, he started off on the coast of Portland and drove it all the way up to Mount Hood. And

what was funny is a lot of the roads he was on, or at least the areas he was on, I've actually been, I've actually driven on, but probably in like a fucking Chevy Lumina or a Dodge Neon or a Ford Alston, I always fucking end up getting somehow Ford Taurus, if I splurge for the full size car. I used to do this gig, this college down in Coos Bay on the coast of Portland. And I used to drive down because I was trying to save money. And I used to always do that. I would, you know, I'd have a gig on the fucking western part of Nebraska, and I would fly into Lincoln and then just get on the 80. I still remember the highways, the 80. The 80 was all the way across Nebraska, the 70, that was Kansas. Then when you got up north, it was 90 and 94. And that went through like

the Dakotas and Wyoming and Montana. Isn't that nuts? And I think it's the 40 is south of the 70. For those of you who haven't done a lot of road shit, even numbers go east-west on the interstates and odds go north-south. That's some trucking shit for you. All right. And it starts out on the west coast, Pacific coast highway. Let me see how much, this is my OCD kicking in. You got, what is that? That's route one, but they got a route one on the fucking east coast too. Whatever. You got the five, right? That goes from San Diego all the way up to the fucking Canadian border. Then you got the 15. And I believe the 15, that goes off of the 10, goes all the way up to Vegas, continues up through Utah. Then you can make a right at the 70 and

take that all the way to New York. I've done that. But if you continue on up, which I've never done, that goes right up. That splits fucking Nevada in half. And I think it goes up to Boise, Idaho, or into Montana or some shit. Then you got the 25, which is basically starts in breaking bad country. Goes right up through Denver, Cheyenne, Wyoming, all the way up to the middle of fucking Montana. Then you got the 35. I took that one, drove that one up from Austin, Texas, up to Dallas. That one goes right up to fucking Oklahoma, right through fucking all the way up. Then I don't know where it goes from there. I never did the, I mean it was 65 or something. You can take that from Indianapolis down to Nashville or something like that. Something,

60 something. I used to do that all the time when I was trying to sell tickets down south. I do Bob and Tom and I don't know. And then all the fucking rest of them, 95 and all those cunts. Sorry. Anyways, so I'm watching this fucking video and I used to do this gig down there in Cusbe, and so this guy's driving this. You got to see this fucking car, dude. It's a fucking goddamn James Bond car. It's unbelievable. I was actually looking at it going, you know, what if I sold my house and I just put it all into that car? You got to hear the thing. It's just fucking insane. I am completely sold on German cars. I just think they're the fucking best. I do like Italian cars too, but you know,

the Germans, they just take it to that next level and it really is because they don't care. They just don't care about human life. You know what I mean? They don't. And I know that you're saying, well, what about all the safety? They're doing that for their Aryan brothers. They're doing that to protect the next furor. That's why they make the car as safe as it is, but it's not for guys like me. Like, you know, if Hitler succeeded, okay, and he exterminated all the people he wanted to exterminate, how long would a fucking redhead like me be able to stand in his vicinity before? I'm sick of looking at that. I never would have fucking made it. Anyways, he'd throw me in right after the fucking albinos.

So anyways, yeah, their cars are just fucking insane. And I am still 100% hooked on that. I think the fucking Mercedes Benz station wagon AMG is one of the coolest fucking cars out there just as far as a sleeper. I just think that is the sickest car. I got a couple of videos. I'll send you a link of the video for that Mercedes SLS GT Roadster that this guy took. It was just, it just was the fucking shit. You know what I mean? Oh my god, why did I look at that fucking car? That's why I, you know, you ever go like when they have open houses in, you know, in a nice neighborhood and you're fucking, you're with, you know, whoever the fuck, hey, let's go look, let's just fucking, that's the worst thing you could ever fucking do,

you know, because then you got to go back to where you live. And that's, I'm warning you right now that you're going to watch this video and just know that you're then going to have to go back to the car that you're driving. And whatever, I love my Prius. Go fuck yourself. But Jesus Christ is that a fucking unbelievable car. God damn it, you motherfuckers. You should have to be making a certain amount of fucking money before you. They even let you watch that video. You know, fuck. All right. Anyways, let's, let's, let's continue on here with the podcast. All right. This was an interesting email because this could go like 9,000 different ways. All right. It says black guy voice.

It says, Bill, my girlfriend and I have found a hot button issue between the two of us. She hates a black guy voice that I do when I make jokes. He goes, I'm not black and neither is she. When we started dating, I didn't really do it. But when we were playing Monopoly with one of my oldest friends and I started winning once, once I was winning and my oldest friend was there, the old black guy voice made an appearance. I don't really say racist things. What does that mean? I don't really say racist thing. Or are you saying like, I don't really say racist thing. I can't tell because you're writing this stuff. So he goes, I would just say stuff like, oh, yeah, give me that dollar. Oh, this is some serious cheddar right here. I'm not going to try to even

do a black guy voice here. He goes, I also show, showered my dog in $500 bills and rubbed it all over his body like I was at a, like it was a party. My friend found it hilarious. My girlfriend said, I was mocking her. I love that she's making it about her. I thought that she was going like, listen, what you're doing is funny. If you're doing it like, if your heart's in the right place, but she's, this is all about her. She goes, he goes, personally, I think she's, I think being an asshole is an expected part of the game. I guess the game of Monopoly, but that's just me. He goes, now that we've moved in together, I continue to do the voice in a playful way. If she asks for a favor, I might reply, sure dog, I got you. See, I think that's fucking funny.

He goes, and then she glares at me and tells me she hates that voice. She doesn't understand this is when it gets weird though. He goes, that I'm making fun of people who talk like that, and I'm not trying to make fun of her. This is where it goes off to raise rails for me. And I don't know, but I don't know how you make it fun of him. He just being ridiculous, like the way I'll do, like a Southern voice. Like, now you goddamn it, get your fucking ass in here, ask for a sandwich, right? And what is the rule? Because I'm making fun of redneck white people, and I'm white. I'm allowed to do that. It all depends on it. All of this shit, it all depends on how you're doing it, like what your point is. Anyway, so he goes, I don't,

I don't really know. He goes, I don't really know what she thinks I'm, I'm doing honestly. I don't see what is so offensive about the voice. And then he writes, no, I mean, I like saying, oh, shit, and motherfucker, I like referring to our middle-aged white neighbor as that ghetto ass N word. I think it's funny. Now I got to be honest with you, even that is funny. If you're just fucking around, white guy calling some middle-aged white dude, especially if he looks like Flanders, I don't know. And I know you're not supposed to say that, but you're in your house, you're fucking around. It's your world, it's your TV station. And I really think if you, if you're, if you're not doing any of this maliciously, like that, that's funny. I think it's funny anyways, but I don't

know where you're coming from with this, sir. Anyways, he goes, my question is, do you think I should stop doing the voice, or do I have the right to continue doing it? You obviously have a right to continue doing it. He goes, I don't consider it racist. And it's really just for laughs. As a comedian, I think you can appreciate that is my girlfriend being too touchy about it. And even if she is being too touchy, do I really have a say in it? Is this the end of the black guy voice as we know it? I don't even know what that means. Sometimes I insist on her adding the word DJ before my name when she speaks to me. See, dude, I think you're just being silly, but I just do that because I know it pisses her off and it's funny. I'm not really an asshole,

Bill. If you think I should stop, I actually will, it's time for a third party way on this. Well, the fact that you say if I actually said stop, you will, I think it all depends on how you mean this, but this actually relates to stand up comedy right now where there's a lot of this people go out and they see your act, they see a bunch of comedians or they listen to you tell a bunch of jokes and then they pick out one joke and they define you, they define you by that joke, by how they heard the joke and they define your entire career by that performance. You know what I mean? I mean, I had some blogger go off on me about a show I did recently and it's like, I just taped, I just taped an hour and a half

special. I just burned an hour and a half of material. I wasn't ready to go back out on the road. I had that fucking goddamn Mississippi River go through the lower part of my fucking house and I have to make money or else I'm going to go under, right? Basically, you know, I'm going to get myself in a ridiculous amount of fucking debt. So I went out before I was ready to go out and I need material and one of these shows that somebody complained about was a city that I went to a year ago and I'm not going out there repeating material. I'm not fucking people over. So I went out there and I did my thing and my act, where my act is right now, I don't like where my act is right now at all. No comic does two months after they take a special, nobody is

happy where their fucking act is if you're really, you know, being honest with yourself. So this person saw me and, you know, didn't like what I was talking about and absolutely, you know, I mean, I just skimmed, somebody sent me a link. I just skimmed it. I didn't really fucking read it, but it was just like, you know, I wouldn't argue with a lot of your perception of it, but to define me as a stand-up comic on one fucking show, you know, when I'm trying to try, it's like doing stand-up comedy. It's not like playing guitar. I can't sit in my bedroom and get better at it when it's ready to be heard, go out and go play. I have to fucking go out there and just, it's like fucking cooking pasta. Remember the old days, you took a noodle out, you threw it at the

wall and if it stuck, it was done. If it wasn't, you kept going. That's what you're doing. So this person fucking didn't like what I was talking about. Absolutely trashed me. And then like lied, like completely either lied, it was so wrapped up in how much they didn't like what I was talking about that they didn't see what happened. I mean, the show I did, I got a partial standing ovation and they called me back out and this person left all of that out, left all of that shit out and was just like, he was a monster. He was saying, you know, it's just one of those things where if you're joking, if you're fucking joking, then like, I don't think the other person, you know, they can take it however they want to take it, but just because they decide to

take it seriously doesn't mean that you now meant it. And that's sort of like a, that's kind of something that's going on. So what I would say as far as what you're doing is, you know, if you're not a racist guy, if you don't have issues and you're just doing it because it's a funny character, and I get doing a character that drives your wife up the wall. I actually, the character you do, I will say, I mean, I don't drop the N word, but I will say that I will do that type of slang, but what I do it is like, I do it in my voice and I say it really seriously because it sounds absolutely grating to my wife and it either really makes her laugh or annoys the shit out of her. So I don't know, I think that's part of being with somebody is you have to have something that

you do that they find annoying and you find hilarious. So you know, I don't know. It all depends. I think it's funny that actually I can't even give her shit that she's making it about herself that actually is kind of one for your side that the way you're doing it isn't in a racist way, but she just doesn't like it. I don't know dude. The last thing you want to do is take any sort of advice from me when it comes to fucking women because the way that I grew up was basically if somebody didn't like something, you did it even more. It was that sort of sadistic, mean level of teasing and for the longest time in my adult life, I didn't know where the line was.

Um, I used to have this this running joke where when I was living with Robert Kelly way back in the day, he had a similar sadistic upbringing that was even worse than mine and he was the only guy that I met that I can really think of that was further down that road that I was and basically when people would sit around like when we were even at the cellar when the trashing would start, a lot of times we would pick up where the game ended would be our startup. Nah, maybe not at the cellar because it got pretty fucking mean, but generally speaking, we would like where we started was the area that

most people didn't even delve in in that game and that became like the running joke for a while where people would tease the two of us at how we played that game where someone would make fun of our shirt and then we'd be like, yeah, at least my mom isn't dead. Like we would take it and we wouldn't go that far, but it was they would make fun. So I actually had to learn to dial it back when it comes to stuff like that. So like I said, I wouldn't listen to me because I am fucking damaged goods. All right, Ghost Rider. Oh, by the way, I gotta, you know, I gotta stop, you know, say obviously the passing of Joan Rivers. I know I talked about this last week, but seriously, without a doubt, not even up for debate,

she's in the top five all time. And I would actually, if it was in Vegas and you had to bet who had written more standup material, Joan Rivers or George Carlin, I like, I don't know what the spread would be on that because I saw her when she did Fallon, right? It was this really cool moment where, you know, she was in with Johnny Carson and then, you know, they offered her her own talk shows, a famous fucking story. If you lived under a rock, maybe you never heard it, but and she agreed to do the talk show and she didn't get Johnny's blessing. And he looked at it like, hey, I'm running a hardware store. I'm letting you work here, right? And then you open a hardware store across the street, go fuck yourself, you're dead to me. And

he never talked to her again, which I can understand being pissed off, but never talking to her again. I mean, after he had like a 20 year fucking friendship is kind of weird. But if you read some of the autobiographies about his mom and what the fuck she did to him, it all kind of makes sense. So anyway, she had not been on the tonight show since Johnny had it, for whatever reason, when Leno had it, it never worked out where she got on the show. I don't think Jay had anything against her. She just never did the show. So Fallon gets in, he brings her in. And this is the first time she'd been on the tonight show in like 20 or 25 years. And Jimmy took out a photo of her, where she's on the tonight show with Johnny Carson. It's Johnny Carson with like, you know,

black or brown hair, not even one gray or white hair on top of his head. And she saw it, she goes, oh my God, she goes, that's my second appearance on the tonight show. That was 1965. So she basically, she did panel talk show panel for almost half a century. I mean, you're talking about I don't know. And then in the Mount Rushmore comedy, I think you got to put her in there. You have to. So anyways, yeah, it's just, I remember when I saw the documentary of her, and she had that fucking card catalog of like literally a library card catalog with all these jokes, all these different topics. And to be able to, to last and be relevant. That was another thing too, is she never got like, you know, you'll see legendary comics who just, they don't change

with the times and their crowd, they keep getting older and their crowd keeps getting older. And I think what really is a benchmark for you as an artist is if despite you, the fact you keep getting old, you keep, it's like every new generation, it's like you're surfing and you catch that wave every fucking time. And if you went to go see her, you would see people from their 20s all the way up to her age. You see that with acts like Neil Young, there's very few artists that do that. And the only ones who do it are the ones that continue to, I feel continue to grow. And they stay current, or you just continue doing what you do and you, what, what you do, you do it so fucking well, that it remains undeniable. And to me, that's ACDC. And they're

fucking hilarious about their body of work. I remember one time somebody was, gave them a little bit of a dig in an interview going like, you know, you've made the same album 17 times in a row. And then one of them in the band was like, you know what, that's bullshit. That's bullshit. We've done it 18 times in a row. And they all, and everybody in the band laughed. And, you know, I mean, that might even be harder than fucking staying relevant is to do the same sort of thing that long in a row. But anyway, so huge, huge, huge fucking huge loss. Without a doubt, the real deal. So definitely going to miss Joan Rivers. So anyways, with that, because this is a comedy writing thing here, somebody

brought this up, ghostwriter. Hello, Bill. Sorry, I don't have any funny nickname to give you. He said, I wanted to get you take on ghost writers for comedians. Would you fault any comedian who has a ghostwriter and or our ghost writers are commonly known part of standup comedy, especially for comedians that are well known slash established. Thanks. And don't go fuck yourself. I like this guy. He went, he took a left turn. No nickname and he didn't tell me to go fuck myself. Let's see. Would I fault any comedian who has a ghostwriter? Yeah, I don't look at them the same as a comic who actually wrote all of their own material. Absolutely. Absolutely. There's people who write their own material and then they get a TV or a movie career and they want to keep

going out on the road. You know, they don't have time to build up an act. The smart thing to do is to go out and get a fucking writing staff. And if that works for you, that works for you. Personally, I don't look at you the same way anymore because to me, a comedian, a pure comedian is writing all their own jokes. And, you know, yeah, there's people who do that. And they have people that follow them around and they sit in the back and they write down things that they say. And, you know, it goes all the way from, you know, the comedy version of getting a little booster chair at the table all the way to there carrying you off the field like fucking Kellen Winslow. You know, it's one of those deals. So I think it all depends on the

level that you do it. I mean, I'm also speaking out of school here because I've never done that. So I don't know how much of the hour ends up being what somebody else wrote that you then added your own spin on. But, you know, I don't think I'm unique in that I that takes a little, a little shine off the apple for me. Well, whatever the fucking expression is, if I find out the person actually has writers, because then I'm sitting there going, well, how much is this your thought? Or is this somebody else's thought and that you paid for? So yeah, but people definitely have them. And having said all that, I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to do. It's a smart thing to do because nowadays with the internet,

how everything gets made and then nobody pays for it. I mean, going out on the road, tap dancing for your fucking lunch. I mean, you got to have an act, right? All right, advice. Dear Billy Bob Burr, need some girl advice. I recently struck up conversation with a very attractive young lady on the train the other day. We talked for practically the whole 45 minute train ride. I'm 28, but she was only 20. Despite the age difference, she was very cool. And we talked about stand up comedy and how we are both fans of you. All right. So what are we talking about here? This is weird. We all of a sudden you brought me into it. Can you get me out of there? Well, when my stop arrived, I left without asking for her number because I didn't want to be that guy.

What guy? The guy who finds love, the guy gets laid. Either way, you're that guy. You were that guy. You were that guy that didn't ask for her number. So he goes, now I'm regretting it. She told me where she works retail and I want to go there and ask her out. So do you think it will come across creepy or sweet? If I just showed up for a work on announce, she might not even be working at the time, but I could leave my number with the coworker. Do not do that. Any advice. Love the podcast. Go fuck yourself. Uh, you know, it's not creepy at all. You come in here with a raincoat and you don't want to make eye contact. Yeah, that's going to be creepy. Come walking in and just be like, listen, it's been, it's been bugging me. I don't know if you remember me. I met you on the

bus, blah, blah, blah. Oh yeah, yeah, whatever. Listen, it's been bugging me from the second I got off the bus that I didn't ask you for your number. I wanted to ask you for your number, but I didn't want to come off like a creep. Uh, you know, I'd love to take you out sometime. Just very simple, very honest. All right. Don't be all fidgety and awkward, you know, just fucking go in there and just state your case. All right. Now if she's not working there, don't stand outside the place, you know, fogging up the fucking windows, waiting for her to show up. Just come walking in and just say, Hey, is so and so here? No. Well, when does she work again? Blah, blah, blah. You know, all right. Oh, cool. All right. Thank you. Whatever. Who can I say he's

asking? Ah, the creepy guy from the bus. Um, whatever. Yeah, I would just go about it that way, but absolutely do that. And that whole fucking thing. Hey, I don't want to be that guy. You be that guy. Be the guy that asks for what he wants. Be respectful of other people, but you got to be the guy. All right. Oh, you got to be the lady either way. Um, you got to beat that fucking thought out of your head. You can be so respectful and so like not wanting to rock the boat that you never even fucking, you know, get what you want in life. All right. Cause life doesn't give a shit whether your dreams come true or not. All right. And a lot of the dreams that you have, this isn't one of them, but a lot of the dreams that you have,

like I always find it funny that people pray to a higher power. Oh, please let me get this job. Please let me be, blah, blah, blah and all that type of shit. The way this whole fucking world was set up, if one person made it is if basically if you got a roof over your head and you're eating every day and you have drinking water, your dream is fulfilled. So to sit there and ask for a corner office of this person, you're really just clogging up their phone lines. Is that nuts? I don't know. That's how I look at it. All right. All in, dear Billy brain fart. Back in December, 2012, I was enlisted in the United States Air Force. Off we go into the wild blue yonder flying into the sky. Yeah, we dive. That's all I know because that's all they play in the movies.

Right. That's just the credits. Nothing can stop the U.S. Air Force. How about a stronger Air Force? I'll tell you right now, they won the championship. They feel like they're unstoppable. And that's the kind of thing that ends up getting you shot down out of the sky. You have to feel the weak side pressure of the third world countries. I mean, planes are disappearing. Who's to say that these people don't have these things? All right. Despite being engaged. Wait a second. I got engaged. Oh, yeah. The guy joins the fucking Air Force. All right. He enlisted. I got engaged to what I thought was the lady of my dreams. Life was good. Unfortunately, I got stationed out of state and

had to move. Despite being engaged, she opted to stay behind in what was supposed to be temporary. We managed to keep the spark alive for some time until she lost the engagement ring in April 2013. All right. Let's stop right there. Guys are morons and a man can lose a fucking ring. All right. The only way a woman can lose a ring is if she's cleaning it near a sink. Okay. And she doesn't understand plumbing and then later turns on the water and sends it through the J-trap. All right. He's going to feel the weak side pressure on the J-trap on thwart down situations. What a woman loses a ring. You got to understand like this. That's so many of them. That's the thing. The ring, they get the fucking stick it under their fucking girlfriends noses.

Yeah, bitch. Yeah. Right. They live for that. That's like you getting a game-worn Jersey. All right. So she lost a fucking engagement ring. Wow. Eventually things spiraled out of control and she left me in June of 2013 saying I deserved better. All right. Well, that means either she doesn't love herself and like when I saying that you deserve better, what I would immediately think is that if I woman ever said that to me, that's like, all right, you fucked around on me and how many times. Anyways, this put me in a huge state of depression to which I credit your podcast for helping me out. Thank you. You're welcome. Come to find out. She bang. Oh, she banged four different guys from June to August. There you go.

And those are just the ones she admitted to. Okay. That's like when you come home, buzzed or drunk in high school and your parents go, how many beers do you had? How many? What do you say? Two. If you're really shit-faced, you'll say four and she said four. So what does that mean? She had a 12 pack of dick. All right. In August, she came back into my life after she said she went, she too went through a depression. She was living even further away now, but still wanted to try and make things work some type of way. Finally, February of this year, I got the chance we were waiting on. I went house hunting. Oh, Jesus dude, what are you doing? Where she lived in attempt to make things right. Come to find out. She had been banging a married guy with

kids and also talking to someone else telling me, wait, and also talking to someone else while telling me she wanted me. I confronted her and she basically said, all I'll ever be to her is a fucking FaceTime friend. What? You confronted her and she said all, and she said all I'll ever be to her is a fucking FaceTime friend. A week ago, she called me and now she wants to be friends again. I love this girl. That is your problem, sir. That is the only reason why you're writing me because everything you're saying, this is a joke, your decision. He goes, I love this girl very much despite what she's done to me, kind of like eating sugar. It's good, but it fucks you in the long run. My question to you is, do I throw all

my chips in this time or do I fold? And yes, I'm probably an idiot. Either way, thanks for the laughs and go fuck yourself. Please do a show in Mississippi already. Jesus Christ, Bill, that's on my bucket list. I'm going to do one down there. All right. Here's the deal, dude. This is the deal. Your heart is clouding your brain right now. All right. And here's a great expression that somebody said that their therapist told them one time. They said, I don't let chaos live in my life. All right. This is the deal. Okay. She has come from some sort of unhealthy fucking background where she feels that, yeah, she's got some sort of low self-esteem thing. I'm guessing she just thinks that she's a piece of shit and probably doesn't deserve a great guy

like you. So she deliberately went out and sabotaged it probably because she's used to being around a bunch of dysfunctional fucking people. So when she actually found somebody outside of her wheelhouse, she ran back to the comfort of that dysfunctional horseshit. All right. That is not your fucking problem. Okay. When you're trying to find the person that you're supposed to fucking be with, you have to find somebody that is as right as rain. All right. That's why you asked the questions. Are your parents still together? What are your relationships? All the red flags, both for men and women listen to this thing. Okay. If they have issues with their fucking parents and they don't fucking speak to them and they have a lot of anger issues

towards their family, fucking walk, walk. All right. If you're young, you're drafted in the first round. Okay. Okay. That's the Des Bryant pick like fucking Bill Belichick. He passed on that one and everyone's like, dude, what are you talking about? That's a fucking 10 and look at them. Okay. Not saying the dude isn't a 10. That's saying he's not a world class fucking athlete, but all the baggage that comes with that horseshit. You got to look at it like that. So what you need to do is, you know, all right, you want to compare it to sugar. You want to get over your sugar addiction. Just go cold turkey. All right. Six days fucking in. Okay. You're going to start to turn and you're going to be looking at candy and cake and pies going,

why the fuck would I ever eat that? Cause it's out of your system. And that's how you're going to look at her. Why the fuck would I ever eat that? Yeah. Dude, that's not the mother of your kids, man. You know, that right there is a Hank Williams song waiting to be written. If you marry her and you have kids with her. All right. I mean, dude, that, that, that's the kind of woman that could turn you into a fucking alcoholic. You need to walk away. All right. And you know what? You live in Mississippi. So you understood that fucking Hank Williams reference. All right. Walk away and, uh, and stay single for a while until you get that craving out of you. Cause it's not fair for you to get into another relationship with that shit there. And you probably want to

bill. How do you know all this shit? Cause I'm a fucking piece of shit and I've done it. I've been like all of these, all of these questions, I've been both people. I've been the person that fucked around. I've been the person that got fucked around on. I made horrible fucking decisions and all of that shit. And it wasn't until I finally fucking decided to, uh, you know, stops around on myself with fucking people that reminded me of people that I grew up with and actually tried to create a winning culture in the locker room. So that's what you need to do. You need to, uh, you need to draft character first. All right. There's plenty of beautiful women that came from wonderful families and those, though, that's the one that's the keeper.

All right. I know what the show. Okay. A woman like this is fucking your brains out. I know she is. Okay. And that's the sugar right there. Okay. So you got to let that go. All right. All right. Here's the deal. Next time you, you're thinking about calling her, rub one out. I'm dead serious. Fucking rub one out. And the second you're done, I bet as your orgasm, you're going to, this, you're going to be like, oh, thank God I didn't call her. That's what's going to happen. All right. And remember that thought. All right. Single for a week. Dear Billy Buzz Balls and the lovely Nea, if she's available, she isn't unfortunately, he goes, I am 22 years old, dating a 19 year old girl who goes to school an hour away. All right.

Uh, we've been dating since her freshman year and we've been able to maintain a very loving relationship while maintaining our own independent lives outside of it. Jesus. What could go wrong? Before I decided to get serious with her, I vowed to remind myself that there may be a point where I have to let her go considering the drastic changes that go on and miss, amiss the college years. If it works out with her, I will be immensely happy. But if she needs time to grow, then I love her enough to be content with giving her that time. You're talking like you're her first serious relationship. Recently she expressed her curiosity and what it would be like if she wasn't in a relationship in college. And my mind immediately went to something that

you said on a recent podcast about the influential dicks that girls need to suck in college. I said that. Um, I don't think I said that. Did I say that? Anyways, although you'd be a shit poet, I knew you were, I knew what you were getting at. So we decided that we'd take a week off and drop the maintenance of a long distance one hour relationship so she could experience her single self in college. We said no hooking up and she expressed that her intentions were not to get with other dudes. And I do actually believe her, but you never know. It was more about handling adversity at school without me and to, uh, and to overall take a break from the long distance responsibilities. Like I said, although it's hard, I did emotionally prepare myself knowing that she

may eventually change your mind and need space. I like Nia's and your opinion on the idea of, uh, of the week break and overall situation. Love the podcast and you fucking crushed it at the Chicago Oddball show. And it was a privilege to see your, your act. Uh, thanks again and go fuck yourself. Well, it's funny. That's the fucking show I got shit about. Um, anyways, oh, and by the way, if you find that blogger, do not write a bunch of negative shit like, fuck you, you fucking cunt. Cause all that does is just feed into what they're writing. Okay. If you want to look at it, look at it, but please, because if I was to meet that person, I would not talk to that person that way. I wouldn't, I would listen to what they were saying. I would state my case and that would be it.

Um, all right. Here we go. Um, I don't think a week is long enough, a long enough time. The problem is when you get into a relationship, this series at that young of age, you know, if you've been dating a year, you met her when she was 18, you met her as a freshman. So she went from the first 18 years of her life of, you know, being in the nest with her parents. She's finally out on her own. And then she immediately gets into a relationship. She doesn't know who she is. You know what I mean? Um, so, and I don't think you can do that in a week. I don't, I don't, you know, some people can do it. Only need a couple, you know, some people, you know, meet people in college and then they marry their college sweetheart and that's it.

They're fine with it and all that and other people, you know, need to make a bunch of mistakes through their 20s, 30s and into their 40s. All depends. So, um, I think you guys are going to have to figure this out, but, um, there is, you know, that's an amazing time in your life when you move out and it's all of a sudden like, Hey, I can stay up as late as I want to. Hey, I can eat whatever I want to, I can drink as much as I want to drink. And then you have to learn how to be a parent to yourself to say, Hey, fuck head, it's time to go to bed. Don't take this lie. Hey, you're driving. Don't drink and drive. Uh, dude, you don't have a condom or if you're a woman, he doesn't have a condom. No, walk away. Like learning how to walk away

is, uh, you know, in those dumb situations can, I mean, that those are life altering fucking moments because horrible, horrible fucking things can happen, uh, in those moments and you need to, I'm not speaking for myself. I feel like you need to, to learn those things. And I don't think you can do that in a week. So, uh, I, I would just have a serious conversation with there about that, you know, and it's hard for me to really give you, tell you exactly what to do because my whole life experience is superimposed and informing everything that I'm saying. So I'm not you guys. I didn't have your guys upbringing. There's a lot of people that marry their college sweethearts and they live happily ever fucking after. And, uh, and they don't have to

go through all the fucking drama that I went through. Um, so I think you guys need to have a conversation about it and on his conversation and, uh, see where the chips fall and then fucking act on it. Um, that's it. Good luck and God bless America. Um, anyways, that is the, uh, oh fuck, did I even read the other, I got to read the other advertising here and then maybe tell another quick story. Or am I just saying that I have another quick story to tell you, so you'll actually listen to this fucking advertising. So I won't get shit. Who knows, these and other interesting questions answered next week on the Monday morning podcast. Stamps.com, everybody. Computers are designed to make running a business easier,

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Anyways, you can get the legal help through independent attorneys and self-help services at your own discretion, but they are not a law firm. Um, for special savings, be sure to enter my code burr, B U R R and the referral box in the referral box at checkout. Go to legal zoom.com slash burr, B U R R to today to protect your business and take control of your family's future. All right, everybody. That is the Monday morning podcast for this week. Hey, let's, let's see, you want to hear something funny? Cause I don't know shit about football anymore. Not like I ever did. Let's actually look at some of, uh, let's go to NFL.com right now. And let's look at week two and I'm going to make some predictions. And this is the thing. I have no

idea who won what, although I will tell you, uh, Seattle look fucking unbelievable. And I love that filthy Pete Carroll got busted for whatever the fuck he was doing. I thought he got busted. I mean, he just got busted for, he was having a practice like with pads on or full contact before he should have. Dude, that guy, you look, I, I've never been more wrong about somebody than Pete Carroll. Maybe Drew Bledsoe, when we chose Tom Brady over Drew Bledsoe after we won our first one and we traded him to the Buffalo bills, I was like, that guy's going to come back to harness. I was wrong. It never happened. And Pete Carroll, I was one of those guys going, you know, even after he was doing well at USC, I was like, dude, you know, we, you know, he's

not a pro coach, you know, and I can say that having never coached a fucking pro and a fucking pop water game. Um, that guy is psychotically driven and, and I, you know, those guys could win it again. If he's going to fucking be that much of a maniac that like he making that move to me says three days after the Super Bowl, his wife was in the other room crying, going, are you ever going to be happy? Right? He was already glazing over with X's and O's in front of his fucking eyes. Um, I think it's great that level of commitment, although I have to say the championship ring that they made for their own fans. I mean, it's just, I can't, the douche chills when you look at that. Oh my God, the fucking ball washing and everybody is bought into how fucking loud they are.

You could take Jackson, Jill, Jackson, Jill, Jackson, Phil, Jack and Jill, Jackson, Jackson, Phil Jaguar fans, put them in Seattle stadium and they would be just as loud. I challenge every NFL fan to go to a game there, stand, stand in that crowd, listen to how loud it is, and then turn around and look at people cheering. Just look at them. They're not up there like, like, fuck it with these crates. They're just cheering. What they owner did was brilliant because it wasn't illegal. And I think that every other owner is going to do it around the NFL unless they do something about that stadium, which what are you going to do about it? It's already fucking built. That he just was brilliant. He's like, contain this fucking noise and rain it back down on the

field. You know, I'm not saying they're not great fans, but Jesus Christ, could you pat yourselves in the back anymore? Oh my God, I know when I keep doing this. And I get total respect for Pete Carroll and your football program up there. Obviously a program franchise up there. I think you guys, I mean, I don't know. It's obviously the little football that I watched. It seems once again that it's a no brainer that the Super Bowl champion once again is coming out of the NFC. And I'll tell you right now, if I'm a football fan, I got to be looking to that first matchup of these Seattle Seahawks against those San Francisco 49ers. Can the 49ers get over the hump? I mean, this is the question. I mean, there's rumors that Jim Harbaugh is losing the locker room.

How can you sit and watch that? Anyways, all right, let's get to the week two, the schedule for next week. Let's see if he can find it. Where the fuck schedules? All right, standing stats. Where the fuck is week two matchups? You know what? I think this, you know, can you make it easy for a fucking old guy, scouting, combine, draft, playoff, playoffs, team schedule, oh, regular season schedule, right there. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Week two. Oh, the Giants played Alliance tonight in Detroit. I have no idea who's going to win that. I don't understand why everybody's questioning Eli Manning. How many fucking Superbols does the guy got to win? All of a sudden, he doesn't

know how to play the position anymore. Fucking New York media. That's the problem when you got 15 papers all in one town. They always got to be constantly stirring up shit. Not that they don't do it in Boston. Believe me, I know they do. All right, here we go. This is all week one stuff. Where's week two? What the fuck is it? I don't know, Bill. Why don't you just yell at your computer? Text the size triumph. This is, this is why, this is why I need a fucking assist. I got to do something here because this should not be this difficult. September 4th through the 9th. Complete week one schedule. Where the fuck is the week two schedule, you cunts. Can I scroll this way? This is bad. This is really, this is awful.

No, is this it right here? No, that isn't it. All right, I'm not going to torture you guys anymore. Jesus fucking Christ. I can't, I can't. You know what? You didn't want to hear my picks anyways. You didn't want to hear my picks anyways. I'll tell you in a week, I can tell you, I'll give you my predictions for week two, week two pregame football analysis. And now off to New England where shockingly last week they lost decisively to these Miami Dolphins of the Dolphin Miami County, Dane Wade fucking area cop. I'll tell you right now, what do you think is going to happen when they come in and they play the fucking Austin city isotopes? What do you think is going to happen? I'll tell you right now.

We all know what Tom Brady can do. We all know Bill Belichick is a genius, but I'll tell you right now, talent or no talent, you got to be concerned about that second half. They're lifeless out there. It's going to be a lot of that shit. If they lose today, they're 0 and 2 for the first time in the Brady bowl checker. They're going to be doing that for a fucking hour, not for an hour. They'll do it for a little bit and then they're going to, I don't know what the fuck else they're going to talk about. I see the world through my team and I know that they're going to be doing that shit or you can just skip all of that. You can go fucking work out at the gym, right? Go for a hike with your fucking dog or some shit and you

can come back. The wonderful world of fucking DVA. You can come back an hour before the game, after the game started and you can just plow through all the fucking halftime, everything and just get right to the third quarter, right? Let your wife watch the real housewives during the first half, you know? And you just make before you go out to the gym, you just say, listen sweetheart, you grab it by a handful of hair, the back of her head, you say, listen, if you fucking shut off the recording, I swear to God, I'm going to have you live under the coffee table. No, joking. Joking, blogger world. Anyways, that's a podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves. I will talk to you next week and my prediction tonight is giants always get off to a

slow start, a notorious slow start. These Detroit lions of the fucking greater lion area code have been gradually improving throughout the years, but do the lyrics. I have no idea. I have no idea. For some reason, I'm going to just, you know what, bet against me. I'm going to pick the lions. All right, there you go. All right, go fuck yourselves. Oh, and there's the phone. Talk to you next week. Shop Cerrillas in Indianapolis with six area locations and in Anderson, or shop online anytime at Cerrillas.com.