Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Podcast 1-4-24

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

Bill rambles about the upcoming Dean Delray Bonscott Tribute, old school slapping, and Boston sports. (00:00)  Thursday Afternoon Podcast (29:51) Thursday Afternoon Throwback 1-4-14 - Bill rambles about the Rose Bowl, the Stanford Band, and the "I'm sorry" fall. (01:38:57) Anything Better NFL Preview & Picks with Paul Virzi

Bon appréh madime si madame to limones, just righi ome, se time pour la jadee, appréh lundi, whatever that was just before Friday, money, money, podcast, what's going on? How are you, comatali-vu? Sorry, I was practicing my French, He's going again with the French. Here he goes again. What's he going to do first? Learn French or actually quit cigars.

Shouldn't say bye, mister. All right, before we get started, happy new year, and I got some information for you. My buddy, my homie, the Rose Bowl tailgate legend. Joe Bartonick is going off on his first headlining tour. I'm so proud of the guy. Monday morning podcasts listeners, you gotta go out and support this guy. This guy does the real deal as far as I'm concerned when it comes to stand up. If you live in Ohio, OH, I, oh, Columbus, Ohio, home of your Scarlet and Gray Buckais.

Joe Bartonick, January 11th, will be headlining the funny bone. Shout out to Dave Stroop. January 14th, Joe Bartonick is bringing his new hour to the stress factory in New Jersey. Shout out to Vinnie A. It fill up the truck, brand. And then on January 26th, January 25th, Philadelphia, don't call it a Philly Cheesecake, Philadelphia, it's just a fucking cheesecake. He's at the Parks Casino in Philadelphia, January 25th. Go there and check them out.

And then one last thing I have to promote is one of my own dates. I'm gonna be a small part of the Bon Scott tribute concert that Dean Del Rey puts on. And I gotta tell you, if you're anywhere near LA, you gotta come to this show. It's at the Avalon right across the street from Capitol Records, which is a great selfie, by the way, or if you go with somebody else. That's a great picture legendary place

January 9th this Tuesday We're gonna be We're gonna be doing deans putting on this. It's basically it's a stand-up show followed by a full-on tribute concert to AC DC's Bond Scott, the Bond Scott era. Dean actually absolutely kills it on main vocals and he's going to have all of these rock stars that his buddies from his time when he was doing music are going to come down and yours truly is going to jam on two AC DC songs, not easy songs. I don't know why I picked them,

but I picked them because I love them, but they are not easy songs to play. So it's been a nice challenge for me. That's gonna be this Tuesday at the Avalon. There's still a few tickets left. I'm telling you, the last one we did was like, literally the day before the pandemic and I still get the occasional tweet or

Instagram message from fans going like I just want to say that was one of the coolest fucking combination shows It's a killer stand-up show followed by an absolutely epic concert and it's all pro musicians except for me I'm the bathroom break guy and it's just fantastic. So with that, here we are. Here we are going into the first week. I am three days to aju into this fucking fast that I went on to just sort of keep all of my demons at bay. It's obviously not to lose weight because when you fast what happens, you take your muscle, muscle burns fat. You become actually a little more squishy, a little more fleshy there, but I am not, I'll tell you the first day of it wasn't bad. It was just water with lemon and some electrolytes. Wasn't bad at all.

I don't know, it just wasn't bad, but like the last two days has been like bone broth. Ugh. And, you know, everybody buys the chicken because it sort of just tastes like the end of chicken noodle soup if you heat it up. But this fucking bone broth, oh my God. It's drinking bone broth like room temperature bone broth, like beef is like

being in a relationship with someone you never really loved in the first place. And it's just another fucking day with them. And you're like, what am I have to get out of this. Now, as I've stated for years, I am German Irish, which means I can pretty much block out 98% of feelings, if need be, in order to survive unless you get to death of a friend, a family member, or literally torture. Anything else, I'm just like, whatever, I'll just fucking plow through it. It's the blessing and the curse of having that blood flowing through my veins. And I will tell you, this is the only thing

I've always done well with like dieting and I can just do it. I just get into the whole difficulty of it and I sort of, I don't know why, I just, I actually enjoy it struggling in the difficult parts of life. I don't know why. And when good things are happening, I'm always looking for the other shoe to drop in a way. Like, you know, dude, the crowd's great.

The crowd's great. I'm thinking, like, what if I bomb and then everybody's like, the crowd was great. The only person who bomb was Bill, you know, or, what if I bomb and then everybody's like, the crowd was great, the only person who bombed was Bill. You know, or, and then I felt way more pressure when I was coming up. If somebody said, I'll do the crowd's fucking awful, a bunch of meat heads and shit, I actually would do way better because there was no pressure.

I'm supposed to do bad. So then I would go up there, relaxed. And everything you do, is just better. Which I am learning with drums. I have this new way of practicing taught to me by the great Dave Eelich, rather than, you know, trying to make it happen, just relax. And I just, rather than like trying to play stuff up to tempo, my new thing is how relaxed can I play this?

At what tempo does it stop being relaxed? And fuck that. Back off. Drums are supposed to be fun, they're not supposed to be stressful. I remember a long time ago, I can't believe I have this story, is I did this benefit in downtown LA and one of the drummers playing on it is one of my all-time favorites because I just feel like he just has the most killer

feel and he's so creative and really with just a four- piece kit did more with that thing than a lot of the guys, his contemporaries were doing with like double bass kicks and three rack, two floor, and all of these fucking symbols. He just got more goddamn music out. The great Stephen Adler. And I went down there and he's always just like, get the most positive energy. And he was saying, and he said,

what he told me, he goes, make sure you smile. Don't forget to smile and relax. And when you watch him play, that's how he plays. And it just sounds so fucking good. And I didn't quite understand it. Cause I was thinking, relax. It's like I am completely out of my element here.

I need to be between my ears thinking, what I'm going to do. And I still sat down and didn't quite do what he told me, but then I watched him play and taking lessons with Dave was a combination of both of them. So thank you to both of them. And I found that it's like, oh, when you play relaxed, it sounds better. It sounds more powerful. It has more flow to it or whatever. So it's something I've been working on because, you know, I'm off the road.

I'm not on the road right now. And if I have nothing to do, all of my bullshit catches up with me and I go into a depression. So I need new things because I've kind of put the bed, everything that happened to I go into a depression. So I need new things. Because I've kind of put the bed, everything that happened to me up into this point in my life. But no matter how much you put it to bed, it still happens. And occasionally you're gonna fucking think about it or just revisit it or whatever. And then as I call it the fog, the smoke catches up with you. So then I'm like, oh, maybe I should start learning some French.

Maybe I should take some drum lessons. Hey, there's a new place to get coffee. Let me fucking... I'm just trying to keep me mentally via far, rather than instrument rates via IFR for your pilots out there. So anyway, that is what I'm doing. I am kind of elated that I am at the end of this fast. And the big thing if you ever do a fast is like,

by the end of it, like, if you're out in the country and you see a cow, you start thinking of just being doing what a bear would do, which is just tackle the thing and just start biting meat out of its back. Like that's what I feel like with my fucking horse teeth here. This is what I'm thinking of doing. I was on Instagram and they had the top 10 places to get a burger and I was looking at that shit

yesterday drinking this room temperature beef bone broth. And all I was thinking is like, I'm going to all fucking ten of those places and I am getting a burger, maybe, you know, ten in a row tomorrow and that's kind of a really bad way to come out of a fast. My buddy was saying, you know, maybe get some avocado, some walnuts, cannelope, just something that's easy

to kind of ease your way back in because I had I went to a birthday party last night and they had steak freets, they had this pasta, they had some chicken and this giant birthday cake and I am just sitting there drinking ice water with lemon. And, you know, everybody knew so they were all fucking teasing me. And one of my buddies was going like, you can just sit here and do this. It's like, dude, I am about ready to fucking just stick my face in any fucking plate here. And I didn't. And when I left, it's just a great party. Just a really good mix of people. When I left, I got in my truck

and out loud to nobody as I made this illegal U-turn, I just said, I could eat 10 cheese pizzas. And I just started laughing because I said it so matter of factly, and I knew I wasn't lying. Now obviously I couldn't eat 10 cheese pizzas, but I would definitely be up for it. because I said it so matter of factly, and I knew I wasn't lying. Now obviously I couldn't eat 10 cheese pizzas, but I would definitely be up for it.

So anyway, I had a really other than smoking a cigar every fucking day from July until the end of November, which was really a massive failure on my part. Maybe 15 or 20 days I didn't. But I lived a lot healthier last year as far as not eating desserts and shit like that. So then something always has to go off the rails. So my new thing is I think if like once a month

I do this three day fast because somewhere through the second day it's like your rational brain just takes over and you start looking at, you can just look at food And other habits like smoking and all of that objectively like why would I do that? Where all of the other times when you're sort of in the throes of its salt sugar salt sugar smoke smoke smoke caffeine It's it's a different version of you that is sort of like a

hysterical woman that needs to be slapped in an old school movie. Oh my God. Can you imagine if you came up with a machine that shook your shoulders and slapped you across the face like one of those 1950s movies like if I price sake, get a holiest. If I go now, if I go the sex, they didn't curse. I love that they wouldn't curse, but you could hit a woman. Get a holey, yes, out. Psh, psh, it was always like one, two, right?

Which airplane made fun of so hilariously in their movie like 20 years after those things. It'd be funny if you had like, you know like those karate people have like that fucking white dude. It's that same white dude. And what I love about him is he doesn't look like somebody he could beat up.

He definitely looks like he's a strong guy, but he's missing a whole body and he can't move. The one that you kick and punch and all of that, or that 49ers fan punches in the face when he's talking about the game. Seeing those clips, it's hilarious. If you had one of those, but you added like hands that could grab your shoulders, like you adjust it to how wide your shoulders are.

And you know, when you know that you're going to eat something, smoke something, do something, you shouldn't fucking do, it just shakes you and goes, for God's sake, get a hold of yourself and it gives you a forehand and a backhand across the face. Just just just awake you up again. I don't know. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I just like I need to fucking I'm ready. My fast ends at nine o'clock tonight, but I'm just going to go tomorrow morning because I don't wanna eat a bunch of shit before I go to bed. So I'm gonna start eating tomorrow morning and during the fast, like everything I ordered had to do with food, like I'm obsessed with learning

how to make a ham and cheese, jambon, a vef fromage, a fromage, crepe, and I bought the pan with the little fucking squeegee that comes with it. And I actually looked, I wrote in French, how to make one, because I want somebody French to teach me how to do it. And what was funny was I've watched enough food videos that I can kind of tell if somebody knows what they're doing or if they don't. So the first one was a woman and she had this shitty pot and a shitty stove. So right there I got her, okay, maybe she doesn't make a lot of money, but she's one of these people that you go to her house and she just makes regardless of her situation and her

equipment, she just has the gift. Like how Jack White can fucking take a Sears Store-bought guitar back in the day and make it sound better than you know some dad guitarist with a fucking Vintage less Paul right so I'm going all right. Let me watch this person and where she lost me is when you go to make the crape you're doing like the Well method like Mario Battali, Resta's soul. Multamario, Resta's soul, used to do the well method. And I remember you put the three eggs in there and then you gradually incorporated the flower.

And I was watching all of these French people doing it. And I got to hers because the picture of the croissant looked, not the croissant, the crepe looked really good. She just, she made the well and she put the eggs in there. And I think she said in French, but you can do the well thing, but it doesn't really matter. I just throw it.

So she threw, put all her milk in and all the other shit and stirred it up. It still looked all right, but I really believe slowly adding the liquids to the powdered shit, right? To the solids, whatever the fuck you call it. So I found this other guy and he had a professional kitchen and he did the well method and he slowly added the water.

So I don't even know what I'm talking about how long that fucking story took, but that's basically what I've been doing as I am patiently waiting for this Michigan Wolverine Washington Huskies game on Monday, which I think is gonna be a fucking classic, because I kinda did a little bit of research on the Washington

Huskies quarterback and he's had he's had to come back from two ACL injuries and he did. That's the big thing. People will talk about, oh, he heard his knees twice. Yeah, and you know what he did? He fucking came back both times dominated and led his team to the championship game. So I know the spread right now is minus four, but I think that's just because a lot of people, you know, they show up for the big game and they saw Michigan beat Alabama. And I don't think that they realized that Alabama, you know, like Nick Saban did an incredible job

with that team this year, because they kind of started off rocking. They always have a loss in fucking September, but he riding this ship, but I just think they didn't have the replacement players that they usually have. So I think it's a pick them. And I'm obviously rooting for Michigan,

but I think it would be really cool to see the Huskies win a championship. Like I wouldn't be mad at that. You know, if it was fucking USC, or one of those fucking teams that you just seen too many times in the course of my lifetime, I mean, I have fucked these guys, right?

I mean, I am rooting for Michigan, but it'll be a lot easier to lose to the Huskies, who I didn't think they had won a championship since the 1950s, and I just found out on the anything better podcast that they actually won one in 1991 with Mark Brunel, the great Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback. So anyway, I know I'm fucking Yammering on like I'm on Coke. I am allowed to have coffee during this fast, but I only do one a day. One a day plus iron like the fucking geritol.

So I had one double espresso before this. I'll tell you, you know what's fucking rough. I'll tell you what's rough. Tell you what rough one is room temperature beef bone broth followed by a double espresso. Like I was all excited like, oh my god, something with flavor. Ugh. It's just all kind of tastes the same at this point. I mean, I almost have to apologize for you

to even have you guys to imagine chasing room temperature beef bone broth with a fucking double espresso. I mean, I might as well just drink it out of a fucking ash tray. Oh my God. What I could do with a hamburger stand right now. I, oh my God. Like, I could fucking walk. That's why when you come out of a fast you have to go, I feel they say to go easy It's it half of it is so you don't shock your digestive system the other half is so you don't undo Everything you just did because I am a huge huge fan of

the taco stands out here, taco trucks and the hamburger stands, like those little ones, they almost look like back in the day, remember when Kodak, right outside the K-Mot, used to have like, they will develop your films and fucking 24 hours, and your films, your film from your camera or whatever.

They're like that size. I fucking love those places. And I don't think I've ever been to a bad one. The worst they are is not as good as a great one. But I mean, there's just something about it. You're outside, you know, and I usually just go with the burger. I'm not into the fries anymore Too fucking old to handle that but just a fucking burger and a root beer You know, I don't know something about it. It sounds out out here. You feel like you're skipping school

Like you should be doing something and you're not Oh my god, I'm back into talking food again This might be the most insane I've been on any fucking podcast where the logical part of my brain keeps going, Bill, will you stop talking about food and I can't help it. It's like I'm talking about this girl that broke up with me and I never got over it. You ever have that buddy? I had a couple, I had one buddy like that and I never got over it. You ever have that buddy? I had a couple, I had one buddy like that and I always knew when it was going to happen. I could almost time it by what he was drinking.

If it was beers, he'd have to be a little deeper in. He'd have to be like five in and he would get that look on his face and I was be like, all right, number seven, he's going come to me and it's gonna be, it's gonna be on. And, but if he was drinking scotch, it was two. Two scotch is in, he'd start to get surly and then, and then here we go.

It's 1983 again. It's 1983 again. Hahaha. For me, it was never a woman. For me, for the longest time, it was sporting events. It was Game 6 of the 86 World Series. It was... of the 86 World Series, it was, it was never really any patriots thing. We were just always, I was never expecting us to win a Super Bowl. Out of all the championships we won, that first Super Bowl we won was more surprising to me than the World Series.

Yeah. It was never the loss to the Yankees. Like the Bucky Dent one, I was too young for. It was the 86 one. That was my Bucky Dent game. And then the Aaron Boone one, it happened, but before it took root, we won the next year. So it never, you know, quite took hold. Basketball, it was 87. That first time we lost to the Lakers and they won the championship in the Boston Garden.

I always remember Kareem hit another sky hook that like. It was already iced and then it was definitely iced and he ran up the court and he fucking, both his fists was like yeah. And then they they celebrated in the Boston Garden and historically back then the Lakers always lost to the Celtics. They had never beaten us in the final and be a finals. That's the plural one. Stanley Cup finals, Stanley Cup finals. And they celebrated in the Boston Garden and drank champagne there. And I bet all the championships that they won, I bet if you asked Magica Kareem, there was no sweeter champagne than the one, the champagne they drank in the visitor's locker room.

I still remember where I watched that game and I remember walking out of my buddy's house into the street. And it was awful. And that was like less than a year after fucking the red socks. But the red socks she expected it. The Celtics was just like, they just went. They fucking went and it was also Len bias died. 86 was fucking brutal. Len bias died. We fucking blew it. And the Celtics won it all. And then it was just lend bias died Bill Blokner. The Patriots getting absolutely fucking smoked against the 85 bear. Oh, that was 85. So the beginning of the year was that, yeah, the Celtics winning the championship was the

86. Oh, I tell you, that was a rough one, okay. That's a good question. If you come from a city with three or four major sports teams and maybe even just two like Buffalo. What? The worst sports year versus the best I'd say the best for us was 2004,

Beaton the Yankees, finally went in a world series and then also winning a Super Bowl. Our third one that year I think. And then the worst year in sports, I would say was 86 with the Buckner loss and Len Buyers dying. Was just fucking brutal. That was so bad.

And also like, can you imagine, okay, the Lakers, what they would have to do to deal with the fact that we had, the Celtics finally had a showtime Laker level player. Who used to go blow for blow in games against Michael Jordan in college? Not saying we definitely would have won it, but just watching that whole franchise have to deal with that would have caused, if you can believe this magic and

Korean and worthy to have to elevate their game from where it was. I mean, you know, even if we lost, even if we still fucking lost, just like what you missed out on a fan, forget about seeing a kid in the prime of his life, about to make the full dream come true pass away like that. Fucking brutal. Which is sad.

Why would I bring that up? It's the new year, right? Everybody we're doing stuff this year. We're not going to let 24 hour networks divide us anymore. We're going to come together. We We're gonna have more empathy, right? Liberals conservatives, centrist, faith and humanity something.

Anyway, I don't know what the fuck else to talk about. I will not talk about. I will not talk about food. Is there any better than a fucking rubin'? Oh. Two eggs over easy, hash browns bacon, a cup of fucking coffee in today's newspaper in a diner. Like, if there was a genie right now and he granted me three wishes,

you'd think you'd go with world peace the first fucking time the first wish would be that And then world peace Anyway Yeah, so please guys go see Joe Bartonick. I can't I Can't think of anybody else that deserves who's been working as long as he has. He's so excited to do these dates, and he was at the Rose Bowl, and he was telling me how excited he was about his new material.

And I could just feel his energy that he is going to do some fucking damage. And those, you will not regret the money you spend seeing him, nor if you live in the LA area, if you wanna come down, see me and Dean, do some standup, and then all these amazing musicians, tip their cap to the great Bond Scott, and one of the greatest bands of all time, ACDC. That shows on Tuesday.

And I don't know, I just didn't say, but I don't know what else I have for you. I think that's it. All right. Happy New Year. Once again to everybody. I'm going to do a bunch of spots around town here in LA, and I am going to polish off this new 15 that I have. And I'm going to tape a special this year. That's the plan anyway. And I have all my dates on my website. I have a few surprise ones that are in the works that my fucking game, mentally and physically. Go out there and give you guys your money's worth. Because as I've said a bunch of times, I can't tell you guys how much I appreciate the fact that you listen to this podcast and you give a fuck enough to go to my shows. And you watched old dads and you watched Leo. So I have no plans on phoning anything in.

Never did, never will. So thank you in advance if you come out to any of my shows. I have no plans on phoning anything in, never did, never will. So thank you in advance if you come out to any of my shows. And if you don't, I understand you're fucking busy, whatever. Just have a good year, this year. All right. And, uh, I don't know. I'm hoping regular people can fucking come together

and stop listening to these fucking sociopaths that are trying to divide us. All right. I'm off my, I'm off my, uh, I usually say tree stump, but now I will say butcher block because that's all I can fucking think of right now is ordering fucking some food from them. All right, that's it. Enjoy the music, picked out by the amazing Andrew Thamelis

and then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. That's it. You guys have a great weekend. You're cons and I will check. I will not check it on you. I will talk to you on Monday. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 4th, 2016, a brand new year, brand new year, brand new you. Are you going to make the changes since you've always wanted to make? Where are you going to

tell yourself you're going to change and actually go out there and change? I always love the pressure, the beginning of the new year to be like alright, you know, it's that one great thing right like what you're like I'd shaken off the last year You know like I don't know who the fuck that guy was right like Lindy self like you're not the same person fucking one minute later when it becomes a new year or You do the real childish thing as you blame everybody else for your own fucking problems, you know real childish thing as you blame everybody else for your own fucking problems, you know. Can't wait for this year to be over, man. Just been so much fucking bullshit this year. It's been like the worst fucking year. I can't wait for the next fucking year. It's like,

dude, well, are you gonna change anything? You're gonna break up with the person. Are you gonna stop getting drunk and being a dick and picking fights in the bar, right? Huh? All of that shit? Well, you're just gonna to think that magically because this is six there now instead of a five that all of a sudden the world's going to change. You don't have to adjust. Oh, am I reprimanding somebody right now? I think I am. I don't know why. I have no idea why. I'm recording this about 8 30 in the the morning. Lost the fungalase time. My wife's still sleeping downstairs. So I got to try to stay in medium energy,

medium energy here for the rest of this fucking podcast. But whatever, I'm kind of, I gotta be honest with you. I went to bed last night and I was sad. I love the holidays and I'm sad that they're fucking over. I had another great you know holiday break and to think that it's all gonna fucking start over again. You know, here we go. Another fucking year at doing the road, right and shit and doing all this stuff here. We fucking go again. That the whole thing just got just totally overwhelming with me and I was just

fucking laying in bed you know you know when you're you fucking look too far ahead and see your fucking life you know it just gets too fucking overwhelming and then maybe you start here in the state that you know what song I was here in my head? I always say that's that song. Make the world go away. Something, something, and get it off my shoulders. That's what I feel like. The most pathetic emotion you could have. Make the world go away and you just get a go in there and just pout. I got to ask a question about depression. Is it actually a chemical thing or is that just an adult word for somebody who's just sort of pounding?

I think a lot of times when people go home depressed, you're just kind of feeling sorry for yourself. And the ones that say it's like a chemical imbalance you just like You just shift your head really quickly the chemicals go back the other way and you'll chair up You know, don't believe the mainstream media You know in all the pharmaceutical companies with their drugs man Is there anything funnier than when somebody who's not a fucking doctor? You know Just starts going on and on about let me tell you something man I'm telling you all you got to do is just go up

Walk up to an oak tree can't be a birch can't be a maple go up to an oak tree and just bite on the little sapling You just nod it right? You got a little piece of bark and you you stick it between you, just like chew. You just stick it between you, going, all of that, and you depression will go away. Yeah, it is true. It is true. The Native Americans used to do it,

and they were never depressed. That's what they used to do until the white man came and took their bark away. Now look at them. All grumpy, just like the white man. They couldn't get any more saplings with the tree bark there. Anyways, Fursy and his wife left yesterday so the house is empty again. It just stinks man. I was having a great fucking time enjoying it now. It's going to all fucking starts over again.

Murray starting the year off my office is a fucking mess. You know, I'm the worst. I can't find the sticker to put on my fucking license plate. I know I got it. I don't know where the fuck it is. It just it all starts over. It just fun times over. Fun time is over. You know what? We still got the Christmas tree up because Nia liked it extra a lot this year. So I still have to go through that sad fucking operation. I'm bringing that goddamn thing outside. And I told you, I just suppose that thing like a fucking mob hit, you're never gonna find the body.

My fucking neighbor already threw his right out on the street, just tosses it out there, right? Some dead hooker. You don't want to mean? Cut the fucking thing up and you put it in the barrel. That's what you do. I get mine, the green barrel, right? We got the green barrels out here and that's just like grass clippings and all that shit.

I have a whole fucking Christmas tree and then the lid closes completely. You'd have no fucking idea. Come on people, how difficult is it? You cut all the branches off, and then you just left with the trunk, and then you just section it up. It's this. Drop the thing right the fucking there.

It's not a problem. You weigh your safety goggles, so nobody can see you cry, and as you're doing it, I don't understand what the fucking problem is. Now, goddamn it, get out there and dispose of the fucking tree correctly. Environmental, wouldn't it be more correct if you just sort of spread it across your lawn? The tree is just going to end up in a landfill or even worse out in the ocean.

They don't block in the ocean. I can't wait to get to this fucking thing later on in this podcast with this guy he's trying to claim that the earth can sustain 100 billion people. I really cannot wait. I just glanced at it and looked at it and I just how the fuck you arrived at that number. And I actually tried to find shit. I started looking up how many fucking people the earth can sustain and What I immediately found was that nobody could say for certain but the numbers estimated were nowhere near a hundred million fucking people Hundred billion. Sorry. So I cannot wait to read this guy somehow claiming that there's enough farmland

To feed a hundred fucking land to feed 100 fucking billion people. I don't know. Okay, do we stack each other on top of one another? And even then, do elephants get to roam free anymore? Where are all the fucking animals? If there was 100 billion people on the planet, I would think that cannibalism would slowly start to become legal. They would have, they'd have farm people or stock people. That's what they'd call them. And they would be simply be used for food. You know, we just, you know, and of course it would be, you know, the evil white man would decide who it is that gets eaten first. You know, maybe they'd start with like the pigmeas or something like that because it'd be like, all right, well, you know, they're, they are a particular race, but they're not as tall as most people in that race.

So, you know, they're sort of bite-sized. They're like sliders, right? Sliders? They're like human sliders. You know, get a little honey bun, you know stick a fucking ankle between the two Right, why would you do an ankle ankle meat? So anyways, I still feel fucked up from the Rose Bowl, man I still you know, I barely got any sleep with Paul being out here, and then we also performed New Year's Eve Down the Orphium and I bought this suit to wear New Year's Eve. I found it like over the summertime. It was this all white suit jacket and pants but you know from from a distance it reads all white but when you come up to it it had these

tiny black polka dots you know what I mean? Just tiny. And I walked into the store and it was only like the fucking 70% off rack because it's really one of those things like, where the fuck are you ever gonna wear that? And I saw, I was like, that's a perfect suit for fucking New Year's. You put the black fucking solid black shirt underneath it with little black pocket square, right? And you walk out there like John Travolta but I bet boo, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah I don't like to use concepts. Anyways, so that was once again me standing to the side of the stage going like I am either going to people either going to like this suit or I'm going to get heckled the entire time I'm out here But either way either way it's going to add to the fucking show, but

As I predicted it was new years. I addressed the suit. I said this is the only not I could wear it. People left. It was a great fucking time, great old theater. And I had a bunch of people come out, a bunch of friends, you know, people I hadn't seen in a couple of years, people that, you know, kind of in my life. It was awesome, man. I love doing New Year's out of here in LA because I don't have to travel or anything like that. And I get to do the job. I love doing new years out of here in LA because I don't have to travel or anything like that. I get to do the job. I love to do. However, I think that's the last New Year's Eve I'll do. I think I'll do like the 30th next time because I got to tell you, the second show ends,

right? By the way, I had to do the countdown. I had to do like two jokes before my closing joke. I was like halfway through this one bit that I've been trying to work on. I kept fucking up the ending and I was gonna try a new ending to it because the ending was too sad for every fucking city in this nation other than Dallas, Texas, Dallas, Texas fucking enjoyed the shit out of the original ending. And I'm right in the middle of that bit and I see that it's 11.59, so then I had to get out of the bit,

take a pause and then do the countdown. And then the streamers came out, right? Lovely Nia came out on stage, gave me a kiss, so all the guys came. You know, we fucking waved and everything. And then everybody gets off the stage and then I had to go back into my act, which was, I don't know, it just ended up being funny because it was really weird. So anyways, we end up doing the show and then as we leave We're stuck in this brutal traffic. I'm like what the fuck? There must have been something going on because we were in downtown LA. There must have been something going on

Down in like LA live or some shit down there. That's near the staple center and then I fucking realize the next day It was Motley crew's final show ever at the staple center and Sounds like ah fuck that's the traffic we got stuck in and there's actually a clip Up on YouTube of you know Tommy Lee, the drummer has a whole fucking roller coaster attached to his drum kit, where it turns upside down and it goes out over the crowd and then comes back and all that shit. I mean, right there alone, you know, if you're the other members in the band, you got to be like, dude, this better be fucking worth it because the amount

of money that's coming out of our checks To fucking carry that rig out on the fucking road. You know what I mean? That's one of those overhead Cause so I don't know if you guys have seen the video. It's their last fucking show ever and the thing gets stuck It gets stuck and Tommy is upside down on this thing in this roti scamper and up the side of it, like the fucking apes and planted of the apes when they were on the Golden Gate Bridge, right? They scamper and up the side of this thing. And Tommy's just upside down like, what the fuck, man?

The fucking thing's busted. He's like, hey LA, he's like, what, you look, you look interesting when I'm hanging upside down, it lost Angela's, and he's just, hey LA, he's like, what, you look, you look interesting when I'm hanging upside down, it lost Angela's, and he's just hanging upside down. It's the most excruciatingly uncomfortable thing I've seen a perform after go through in a long time. He did what the fuck he could do. I mean, once you just go, well, fuck the role of the coaster man, and you're still hanging

upside down. I mean, what just go well fuck the roll of coaster man, and you're still hanging upside down. I Mean, what do you do? It's just fucking brutal And the fact that it happened on the very last show You know, I don't want to start any infighting. I Know the bad doesn't exist anymore, but I think Vince Neal did it I Think the lead singer probably all these years, you know he's used to being out front and all the chicks

digging him walking around with his Barbie hair and all that. And then all the drama goes all the way out over the crowd and everybody's looking at him. Maybe he got sick of it after all these years. The amount of money that was coming out of his paycheck to bring that fucking loopty loop roller coaster with the fucking drum kit in it. And he probably said, hey, everybody look at that over there.

And then he just pulled a fuse. That doesn't make any sense. Bill, then he sabotaging his own show. Wow, you know, I can have a fucking theory. Somebody could just email me with no fucking links or anything whatsoever. And just tell me that the earth can sustain a hundred billion people Anyways, so we were stuck in that traffic. I didn't get home until like 1.30 1.45

Fell asleep around two and then I had to be up at 1010 after five to then be outside for the next 13 hours at the At the Rose Bowl this year we brought eight people and One of my buddies who went there he just called it the Goon parade and I got to be honest with you That's kind of what we were I Don't remember so much of it. I remember the whole game because I just stopped drinking because I had to drive. So I just remember walking to the stadium and after that I remember the entire fucking game. So I'll take you through what I remember. So we fucking get there, right?

First time ever we get this so fucking early. Okay, you haven't even opened the gate yet. So when we finally get in, we're parked even opened the gate yet. So when we finally get in, we're parked just outside the VIP parking. I mean, we had like a five minute walk to the stadium as fucking tremendous. And I remember, Bartnik giving me a Miller High Life,

the big grin on his face, because we always had the Miller High Life to start the day. Law had got his fucking, Law had made it, by the way. He made it, you know? I'll never smile again. He made it and he got all three of his fires going and get ready for the breakfast sandwiches and I want to say that I waited till after I had Lawhead's unbelievable breakfast sandwiches. It's the best breakfast sandwich I have every fucking year is that one.

And it was absolutely delicious. And my favorite thing was looking over at Verzi after he was two bites in. And I was like, hey, Paul, I go, how's that breakfast sandwich? And he just fucking shot me. It looked like, are you fucking kidding me? So I was already psyched. And I knew he was gonna have a great time.

And after that, I was like, hey, I'm like, who wants a heater? And everybody's like, yeah, all right, so he poured like fucking eight of them. And I had these, those big square ice cubes. I had made those and brought them over in a ziplock bag like a fucking, you know, kilo of coke. So I drop them into everybody's plastic cup

and they're so big, they don't make it all the way down to the bottom of the glass. So the booze is actually below the ice level and everybody's laughing. I'm like, well, you just got to fucking... You got to pull more booze in there and you put your hand over the ice cube and it'll melt down and that became the technique. And then after that, it just became like a slideshow. Just the stuff I remember. I remember, Bartnik does this thing every year. He gets out of the truck and he just screams at the top of his lungs.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the grand daddy of a ball. And everybody's always terrified, sort of laughing, whatever. So these Iowa fans, somebody just said, oh, we do not need that voice here. And immediately we're not liking us. And I don't know, I think that for whatever reason,

they were really, they were like, I wanna say older than me, but I'm pretty fucking old at this point, I'm 47. I think they were in their 50s, and for whatever reason, they were playing Drake. All right, and it was like fucking seven in the morning, and their fucking music was louder than our music. So we're sitting there. The sun hasn't even come up yet, and we're listening to you used to call me on yourself

or you used to, you used to to and it's just was fucking with They were like oh god, I think we playing that fucking song like that song is like That's like there's a few songs that get played so much that you never need to hear them again I think the original song was in the mood But I think Benny Goodman. It was a Glenn Miller But I think Benny Goodman was a Glenn Miller. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Miller and then cell phone by Drake. I know when you're like me. Yeah, only me. What thing? Oh, he's such a bitch in that fucking song. It's basically, Hey, I used to just fuck you. I use to I use you. And then he moves away. And then

he's upset that the woman got on with the life You know What a fucking easy is he one of those possessive guys who once he fucks up then he feels like he owns it for the rest of his life Let it go dude All you were doing was fucking her and now what now you want her because she's not there anymore To come over and lick your balls and shape up your beard afterwards. I mean, fucking move on with your life, Drake. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, so that's fucking going on. And all I know, and they were annoyed with how loud Bartnik yelled.

So I don't know what happened. Somewhere between the beard and the shot and the breakfast sandwich, I glance over and the older guy is chirping and fucking Bartnik's ear and Bartnik is just staring straight ahead. 600 yards stare, just standing there and I see the guy talking, talking, talking and then I just see Joe just shrug his shoulders and be like, well you know, I don't like your music. And I gotta be honest with you. Fucking, I don't know what else he said, but 10 minutes later, those people were just gone and we never

saw him again. I don't know if they had like some VIP fucking, you know know Iowa Hawkeye fucking barbecue thing the tent that they were going to I have no idea but we were dying left and they had one conversation with Joe like the hey you might keep it down a little bit and Joe just gave him the death fucking you know the 600 yard stair and that was it they fucking left. So that problem was solved. And we were throwing the football around. I remember everything, but forgot the bacon. And what's his face? Lawhead was able to call an audible and he had some bison meat or something like that. And bacon grease. Figure that one out. I don't know how the fuck he did it. But

yeah, and everything was going great. I was throwing the football around. And at some point, I was just so fucking hammered that I fell down. And I was one of those drunk falls where it took me like 17. I started falling and it took like 17 seconds for me to fall. In the entire time, I was saying, I'm sorry. It's now known, yeah, it's now known as the I'm to fall. And the entire time I was saying, I'm sorry. It's now known, yes, now known as the I'm sorry fall. And it took me so long to fall that just about everybody at the tailgate sought. And I think of what happened was I was standing. Law

had at this tent, you know, one of those four posts to tent things. I was standing underneath it and unbeknownst to me. It was right behind me. It was my cooler and all the other coolers and all the bags of groceries sort of sprinkled out, right? And I was talking and I didn't about face to start walking and immediately tripped over the first cooler, all right? And as I was trying to get my leg to an open area without stepping on hamburger buns, I just, you know, there wasn't any space to put my feet

down. And I was doing like, it was almost like a wide receiver after they catch a football and they try to stay in bounds and dance down the sidelines. I was doing that but in between condiments and food and shit like that and I just I never regained my balance but I didn't go down for like I swear to god if it was probably real time it was probably like a four second fall but that's a long time. You know if you just fall bam you're on the ground you know in under a second right I would think depending unless you're really short and you get there a little quicker. So I just kept going, sorry, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And right is like my buddy Nate came over to try and stop me from falling.

I just, I fucking landed on my back and I twisted my left knee. And I hear the whole place laughing and I was laughing. Evidently, my last step, I stepped in some avocado and slipped on that. And I just fucking went down, like just thud right on my back. I landed like a wrestler. So it didn't even hurt where it was just my entire backside hit the ground at the same time. And I remember talking about it later. I was like, yeah, but I didn't spill my drink. I didn't spill my drink. And every time you say, yeah, you did, you did, you did, you spilled it all over the front of your jacket. So, um, then I remember getting up the apple pies out. Why remember the

brisket and the ribs being done and those were delicious. Law had killing it as always. And then, um, I think I smoked a cigar next. And I think I smoked a cigar next. Yeah, I smoked a cigar. And then we had the apple pies and everybody freaked out and they loved them. And then I was, yeah, then I smoked a cigar and I was like, all right, I got a fucking sober up here because in six hours the game will be over and we'll be done and then I got a drive. So, I'll fuck.

Hang on a second, hang on. All right, I'm back. Sorry about that. I blew my fucking nose. So anyway, so let me get into the, we get into the game and I still don't know his fucking name because I was hammered. The running back for Stanford just was right as we got to the stadium, he already ran for a touchdown and then it was just like it was like a fucking Hollywood movie They couldn't stop this kid the kid even had another one he ran like 70 yards for a touchdown They had to bring it back. They just couldn't fucking get the kid down And Before you knew it it was like 28 to nothing

28 to nothing then it was 35 to nothing. And we still had like half half of the second quarter. The fucking game was just over. It's it was the worst Rose Bowl game as far as being competitive that I've been to slash the greatest individual performance I've ever seen. We got to see that kiddie set the records for the most all-purpose yards ever in a rose bowl um And this is the granddaddy of a malls the original rose the original I guess bowl game Even though the Yale bulls the original bull stadium figure that one up anyways

So we got to see that and And fortunately during halftime, I didn't have to watch the Stanford band, which by the way, it's just, I mean, could they be more of a bunch of hipsters? The whole thing, it's like they're mocking the halftime show yet not showing how you can improve it. So there's like no risk. You're just sort of mocking the whole fucking thing like which is to me classic hipster behavior. To me, that's the difference between nerds and hipsters. You know what I mean? It's like all right. So you think what the the standard way that a half time show is done is too rigid so you guys are gonna I just hate how the whole thing is going to all these guys are crazy oh look at the guy with the fucking rainbow wig

playing the drum oh what's he gonna do the whole thing is fucking dumb and then I just thought it was a bad they made California look bad when they made fun of the Iowa people with the whole you know farmers only and once again I don't know I don't know anybody in the Stanford band, but it just seems like that classic, I live near an ocean, they're for them smarter than you. There's something about people live on the coast with their whole attitude towards the middle of the country.

It's the funniest fucking thing ever to me, like fly over state and blah, blah, blah, blah, and all that, it's like those fucking people that you're sitting there making fun of, you know. Like farmers only, why don't you you got to go fuck your sister. It's like, you mean the people who grow the food supply for this country, you fucking dope. What do you do with your flute?

Oh, look at the cool kid with the clarinet. I don't know, I thought it was a hacky joke. And I don't know, you know what I mean? Look, if you guys, you know, just decided to trash one another, then it would be funny. But it just kind of comes off like, it's like when Ricky Gervais does that shit at the Golden Globes. You know what I mean? He hires the staff of writers to write roast jokes aimed at people who showed up with

acceptance speeches. And it's just, oh, gee, did you win that one? What are you going to do next? Slap an ice cream out of a five-year-old hand? I just, I don't know. It's the same thing with that. I thought it was douchey behavior. But fortunately, I missed all of it.

You know, and you can now be the paparice, you cow, it'll be epic. Ugh, kill yourselves. It'd be one thing of Stanford ever to actually put on a good half- show like wow this band is next level I get why they're trying to break the whole fucking format of it, but if you actually watch The competitions are the best fucking college bands out there. They're fucking drum lines alone Would destroy anyone in that band. So you know

I don't know every once in a while. I'm a fucking conservative and I'm a conservative on that one I just say yeah, you get kind of fucking made it ass-y yourself, but anyways I just hate the deliberately bad dancing that they do I think if you're gonna mock dancing You should be able to dance well, you know to just suck at it and then be like making fun of it Then you just fucking like all right Yeah, just like we thought yeah you don't have any talent fuck the Stanford band I love their football program though anyways uh so while all of that was going on all that that fucking nauseating hipster

behavior uh the looks on their faces like everyone in the crowd is like their that was going on, all that fucking nauseating hipster behavior. The looks on their faces like everyone in the crowd is like their mind is blown. Like, oh my God, what's going on? It's the fuck, you're in the band. You're playing the fucking triangle out there. You're not a rebel. You're not freaking anybody out So anyways, we actually went out to the concession stand and

You know just standing the whole fucking halftime was standing in this in this line And we actually missed the first three minutes of the the third quarter and I'm standing in this line's comedian Sean Quinn from Philly. He's fucking hilarious right? So we get all the way up there and I ordered a pretzel in a water and he ordered a pretzel and something else and I'm fucking coming around. He's still drinking you know he doesn't have to drive so he's still fucking drinking during the game and they hand him the pretzel and he proceeds after we waited a half an hour for a food she hands him the pretzel and he fucking just fumbled it it was like a bad exchange between the quarterback and the running back you know they like bump into each other the dude never quite has the ball

he never quite had the pretzel and it just goes end over end in like slow motion and falls salt side down on to the concrete where everybody's standing. He immediately bends down and picks it up and I'm looking at him and he just goes he's like yeah it's all right it's all right. I'm like dude you gotta give that thing back and it's like not it's all right it's all right. He doesn't give a fuck so I'm dying laugh like this guy's a maniac. It's like people walking in and out of restrooms and then coming over here standing in this food line Yeah, you fucking mind, but I'm still kind of drunk

So then I go over we were putting mustard on the pretzel and then out of nowhere Fucking lie had shows up and he has He has shown for the piece of his pretzel and he gave it to I Almost fucking fainted. I was laughing so hard. Fucking thing was on the ground. I was like, I was like watching a poison him. But I couldn't say anything. I was laughing so fucking hard. So, don't we get, we finally get back into the stadium.

And then just the whole game just stopped. I mean, it was barely any scoring. Iowa came back and scored a couple. I was psyched for Verzi, because he won two bets. He bet Stanford, and then the next half, he bet the over. One, both of them, so he picked up a buck 50 or something like that. And I don't know, then we just ended up going back. The game was over.

And then we went back to the truck. We were hanging out, we got the bonfire going, the sun was down. And in the middle of having the bonfire, all of a sudden this kid comes walking by with another friend, this Iowa kid, and he just goes, he just goes, hey, he goes, hey, that bonfire is illegal. He can't have it, it's illegal. And right, he was, by way of you,

like go like, ha, ha, ha, I'm just fucking around. The Philly guy, he goes, shut the fuck up, you fucking blah, blah, ha, I'm just fucking around. The Philly guy, he goes, shut the fuck up, you fucking blah, blah, blah, right? And then the kid, fucking puffs up his chest. There's like 10 of us sitting here. This kid was like, he was like 5, 6, 5, 7. He comes running up, you know, talking all this shit.

I'm just sitting there looking at him, like it is fucking ten of us here. You know, do you have an oozy? Like what are you doing, right? So he gets into it, there's back and forth. The next thing, you know, versies over there. And it looks like versies are about ready to square off with the guy, because the guy kept walking away.

We're like, all right, all right, whatever, whatever. And he'd be like, oh, it's fun, it's fun, it's fun. Well, fuck you, because we'd always have the last thing. And then we'd be like, fuck you. And it just kept going back and forth and back and forth. And finally, the guy's like 30 yards away, versus he's talking to him. And I thought, like, oh, this kid's gonna suck her up.

So I got up over there, I go relax, relax, relax. And then all of a sudden, I hear a bottle break in this fucking maniac Philly guy right fucking breaks the bottle It's the funniest thing ever He breaks the bottle on the pavement and he fucking he did it way too hard when he brought his hand up There was no bottle left. He just shattered the fucking thing But then he like mimed like he still had the bottle in his hand And this is the best part the I am a kid talking shit never flinched

So now he's pretending he had a bottle in his hand. I didn't even know what he was gonna do was like a fucking movie It's like what the fuck right? So the dude finally goes away. That's the yellow fume more fucking things and It was so ridiculous. Then we went back and we we were sitting around and all we did for the rest of the time there was make fun of Sean and how there was no bottle left and he actually cut his hand and we all just sitting there going like, dude, what were you gonna do? He's like, I don't know, I don't know what I always wanted to do that. It was just fucking ridiculous. So, um, and by then, you know, actually as I was coming out of the game, I was, I was so sober, I had already gotten into the fucking hangover. So I just started drinking waters and, um, then had another two hot dogs in a hamburger.

And I gotta tell you, dude, my body was like, what the fuck? And I just drove home like with a splitting fucking headache. Stone sober, splitting fucking headache. And then by then, my knee was killing me. And I was walking like I had just ridden a horse from here to fucking Massachusetts and I was shot. I came home and I just fucking just pounded like three waters and that was during that time where I was just thinking to myself like I'm never going to that game again. I fucking, you know, when you're out three

to six weeks with a fucking knee strain because you went to a tailgate, you really got to start like looking back and like what the fuck? But it happened to me again this year, you know, every year I'm going, you know, I'm going to go a little easy. I'm going to go easy. I want to remember as much of this tailgate as I can. Like I passed out for like an hour of it. And part of it was the alcohol, but the other part was just like, I'd only gotten three hours sleep. You know, there's only so far you can go.

When you start the day off with a mela. All right, let me, um, but it was one of the, one of the best, uh, one of the best fucking tailgates. And I loved hanging with fucking, uh, all the new people that came along and I am now of course obsessed with the Philly accent. It's the funniest fucking accent. You get a beard, big, easel. Everything's a John. All right, hang on a second. All right. Let me type in my password here so I can do a couple of reads.

Come on. I love how they make you pick such a fucking difficult one that, you know, it takes me like three times to type my name because there's some capitals and then there's some not capitals. Like if someone broke into my computer, I don't understand what they would be getting. All right, okay, oh Jesus. I don't even know if I have the fucking energy. It usually takes, it takes me three days to get over the fucking Rose Bowl. This is the third day. All right, okay, oh Jesus. I don't even know if I have the fucking energy. It usually takes it takes me three days to get over the fucking Rose Bowl. This is the third day. All right. Oh, oh, oh, we start up. Oh, boom.

All right, and that's it. Marcifully, that's the last bit of reading I have to do here for the fucking week. All right, and with that, let's get to oh uh... alright and with that let's get to uh... or we talk a little NFL football for us what that that that that that boodoo boodoo i would say the patriots in c-addle entered the playoffs the exact opposite way i'm gonna go out on the limb uh... the patriots just could not get anything going offensively our offensive line is just

uh... it's it's it's fucking shatted dude we got nobody left every time Brady went to pass there was someone in the backfield defense did great though I mean was holding them to like 10 points for most of the fucking game but hopefully we can get healthy or I don't I don't see us going too deep into the playoffs this year. Seattle on the other 10. Oh, day right now, this is the wild card team. Nobody wants to play. But you gotta ask yourself, are they peaking too early? Seattle look like world beaters. And the way that they handled the fucking Cardinals yesterday, they made them. I mean, I don't know if the Cardinals started to come back or not. I

mean, I watched the first fucking half. It looked like an NFL team playing a CFL team. Let me check out the final score here. Um I mean, I think it's just another phenomenal coaching job by Pete Carroll um And he's got it like he's got him right. Oh 36 to 6. Yeah, they just destroyed him like he's got him right, well 36 to six. Yeah, they just destroyed him. Scoring it will do whatever the fuck they wanted. You know, Arizona special teams

would look in like shit, they feel go kicker and make a couple extra points. And I don't know what the fuck was going on with them. And they couldn't tackle anybody on Ponce or kickoffs. The only question Mark I saw was Seattle, was their kicker missed another one? And Richard Sherman's hair. That's the only thing I found.

That's the second time this year. Sherman has been brought down by his hair. To the point they actually thought it was a face mask. He went down so fucking, his head went down. But other than that, I was the guy, you know, a couple of weeks ago thinking like, you know, Arizona and Carolina. Now, I think it's, Carolina would play Seattle at home, but I got to tell you, Seattle doesn't give a fuck.

They've been there the last two years in a row. If they win it again this year a lot of people are gonna be like, oh, they will one play away for winning it three times in a row. That's absolute bullshit. That's absolute bullshit. You win two in a row. If you win the fuck a thing, it changes, it changes your vibe. You know, defending versus bad taste in your mouth. You know what I mean? How long do you think Pete Carroll was able to actually get eight hours sleep after that Super Bowl? Like the drive that he's had to get back because they fuck that thing up, slash Malcolm Butler, made one of the greatest defensive plays of all time.

Like, that'll, you know, there's a reason why nobody's ever won three in a row. It's, you know, it's hard to stay that fucking motivated, I think, anyways. And I know watching the Patriots win the defending Super Bowl champions, versus just being the Patriots, which is bad enough. People want to beat you bad enough, but when you're the defending Super Bowl champion, even the shit teams try hard against you. But anyways having said all that you know the way Seattle's played over the last month in that last game like they look like fucking world beaters.

So and us I don't know if we could beat the Broncos at this point with how fucking injured we are even with their new quarterback. That was hard to see Peyton Manning be a backup man, but he took it like a gentleman. I wonder if that was his last game. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder. All right, let's get to the fucking questions here for this week, right? And by the way, for all the Canadian fans, I'm not ducking the fact that you guys destroyed us in that game. I just haven't seen it yet. I started to watch it yesterday and after all the fight, the hoopla and all

of that shit, I got like a minute and a half in the game and they already scored. Just like, oh, man, I think the final was five to one. So congratulations to you, CUNS. But I got to fix my cooler too. My cooler took a beating. Both hinges were broken as the interior strap. Thankfully, Igloo makes a repair kit. You know, it's obviously an easy repair. I got to get that fucking taken care of this week. That fucking cooler's been to every rose bowl. I got to fix it up here. Who knows, maybe when I fell, I'm the one who knocked the fucking lid off the thing. All right, breakfast.

Here we go. There's no way I did 45 minutes, Jesus Christ. It's flying by. All right, breakfast. Bill, I'm a father of two young children and I hold a nine to five corporate job. Don't feel bad for me though. I love my job. That's awesome. I want you to love your job. And he goes, and I don't bitch about how hard it is to be a parent. He goes, I maintain a decent diet. I was a college athlete,

so I have a basic understanding of the human body. Granted, you and I spend our mornings differently. I freeze my ass off every morning for five to six months of the year. I was wondering what you do for breakfast every morning for five to six months of the year. I was wondering what you do for breakfast every morning. I don't know what you mean, you freeze your ass off. What do you do? You're okay. I was wondering what you do for breakfast every morning, and then he goes on to say, I'm always on the go, and I'm not hungry right when I leave for work,

which leads me in the car and at the office for the rest of the morning. Not a lot of options beyond a banana and a coffee. It's too cold for smoothies. What's a man to do? What's your morning food routine? Well, when I'm being smart, I have two eggs over easy and I have some oatmeal with a banana and maybe some blueberries. I don't have any bread or any of that stuff. And then between breakfast and lunch, I have an apple and then for lunch, I have turkey slices with the side salad. And then at four o'clock, I have a meat with a protein and six o'clock meat with a protein. And meat with a protein, I have a protein with vegetables, dude, with the fuck. My brain is shot here.

I have, yeah, I have a protein with some vegetables. I have meat with the protein. And then I have bread with some carbs. That's what I'm up to and then I just, I stop eating around six, five, six is when I have my last meal. And then I just drink waters after that. If I get really hungry, I just have celery with peanut butter. And I got to get back to that diet because I've been cooking up a fucking storm, bacon and all that type of stuff.

And I have three goals this month. I'm going to make a quiche. I'm going to make a fucking lasagna. And I'm going to make this Hunter's Chicken. The last two or Mario Battali recipes and the hunter's chicken isn't that bad the fucking um the lasagna is pretty bad but there's veal in it and I just can't I can't get myself to eat lobster or veal I just just what the fuck they go through mean, I know the chickens and cows already have a bad enough thing, but like it just seems extra fucking cruel,

boiling something alive and having something just a fucking cage forever. So it's softer and tastes better when you eat. It's just this fucking brutal. Anyways, all right, so what's my morning routine? Yeah, if I was you and I had to, would eat I would get up I would make the time and I would at least just have some oatmeal Man, but I don't have kids. I mean I just Here you guys talking about having kids makes me glad I don't have any. I mean it just seems so fucking

Just never ending never ending, never ending. I don't know, so I will, what do you do for breakfast? All right, I told you I did the whole day. Yeah, if I was you, you have to make the time. I would definitely say that. You got to make the time. And I think the best thing for working out is you do it in the morning and you just get it out of the way and then you have a healthy breakfast and that gets you on the right track to start the day. To start off the day if you're eating bad and then try to be like well don't worry I'm gonna

go to the gym later the problem is with bad food is it chemically fucks your body and it makes you just want to lay down and do nothing. So if you start the day, I don't know. Just do that, that, the tense. Remember I was telling you guys about the tense? Start-up is like 10 jump and jacks, 10 burpees, 10 push-ups, 10 alternating lunges, 10 sit-ups. I forget the fucking order, I haven't done it. But you can look it up on the internet and find it. And you go from 10 and then you do nine jump jacks, nine burpees, nine push-ups, nine sit-ups, nine alternate leg jumps, nine squat jumps. And then you do eight, you go all the way down to one.

And then you're pretty much winded. And then if you want to add a little more cardio to it, skip rope for around a two or three, or whatever you want to add a little more cardio to it skip skip rope for around a two or three Whatever you want to fucking do You can do that workout in like a hotel room But that's what I would do I would do something like that and I would just make sure you know Also if you really don't have time to work out, but it really help you During the day is to bring an apple and to pack a healthy lunch Also saves you money also gives you more of a lunch hour because you're not driving to and from wherever

the fuck you go and you go right down to the cafeteria. You knock it out, you chill the fuck out. You have something healthy in your afternoon break and that's the biggest thing, dude. If you're not putting mistakes into your fucking mouth, you're gonna get more results from your workout and you know, you've closer start fit and better better and the same way you get addicted to eating bad salt sugar salt sugar you can get addicted to eating well, which where is not where I'm at right now. All right one trick pony

Hey Billy balls. My wife loved your pie crust video. Oh, by the way, you know, I tried lot in my, for my crust for the first time and it was a total game changer. The best crust I ever made. It did feel weird to smell bacon as I was making the pie crust. But thank you to everybody that suggested that, who, you know, your critique really helped my pie crust. Thank you to everybody that suggested that who you know, you're critique really help my pie crust. Thank you All right, so anyways, he as person says she's a fan of yours as well You know the pie crust video she's a fan of yours as well, and it's been exposed to hours of your podcast She likes you bill. Let me lead with that. Well, here comes the big fucking slap in the face But of course like all great women,

she still has a capacity to chop a man down at the knees. After the video, I casually said, can't wait for the next one. She responded in an oh-sweetied tone with, aha, well, how many of these tricks do you think he has up his sleeve? This resulted in a long discussion where I defended your potential skills.

And she went with the, I love Bill Burr, I'm just assuming he doesn't have much more to rival this pie crust. Whether you can make a full series out of these videos or not, can you please explain to my wife that you're not a one trick pony? And even if you are a one trick pony, it's bullshit and unfair to assume this much. Thanks. Come back to Wisconsin. Home of corruption is seen in documentaries. Well, you know something as you get older as a man, you understand where that's coming from. Why your wife, as you said, like all great women always have to take you out of the knees, what it is, as much as you got to stop Internalizing that and taking it personally what it is is that's

It's almost like a subconscious fear thing that they have You don't mean like when they don't know you and they see you doing something They have a positive reaction to a con all lucky, look, he can make a pie crust. I bet he's going to be a great dad, right? They think shit like that. But after they get with you and then they love you and they don't want to lose you. When they see you continuing to grow as a person, they, it's, I can't even say this is a female thing. This is like a thing in general that people do in relationships. As you actually hold back the person you love because you see them expanding on who they are

and because it's something new and different and moves in a different direction. I think subconsciously a certain type of person feels insecure. So then they have to tether it to the ground with fucking criticism, rather than encouraging the person. So I think that that's where it's coming from.

As far as addressing it, I will just say this as far as my cooking and baking, you don't just know how to make corn flakes and you can also make a pie crust, you know what I mean? No one how to make a pie crust takes all of your shit to the next level Okay, like no like no this because I can do that like back in the day I used to look at like making like a keish or something like that Oh my god, that's fucking impossible to crust alone or making a turkey pot pie or anything that involves having a crust. You can add that. I recently have learned how to smoke meat.

You know, I smoke ribs. I can make all of my mother before we, when we all moved out, she wrote out all of her recipes, hand wrote them all out on cards and we have all of them and we can all cook the meals that she made when we were growing up. Like I can make you a Hungarian goulash and you know what else I can make the fucking noodles from scratch. I took a pasta making class. You know as you suspected sir your wife has no idea what the fuck she's talking about. What it really was it was coming from a place of insecurity and jealousy and And right now she's going to roll her eyes and be like, oh my

god, blah, blah, blah, it's fucking true. You know, because that's really just like a, just like to have like that, that oh, sweetie tone, you know, they do that shit. You know, you go out, you start looking a little too good, you get a new suit, right? You're looking a little, they got a fucking, they got to make a comment. They, they fucking do it with each other. It's hilarious. I think that's one of the main reasons that's fucking them up by the way. You know, when they always talk about the wage gap and all that, one of the biggest problems with the wage gap is not men. It's the fact that women don't get together and create businesses

enough. They just don't do it because they're too busy going to look at this bitch and fucking look at her with she's too fucking skinny. She needs to eat something. She's got too much fuck. Oh she knows what she's doing. You know they don't work well together. I don't know why but that's not our fault. I'm sure it is though if you watch the view. I'm sure they could spin it around to us. So yes sir, I actually absolutely love cooking and it isn't the only trick I have up my sleeve. I could obviously make more of those but the thing about it was was that was the specific skill it was for the holidays and people have suggested well why don't you do one on how to smoke meat. I The thing about it was was that was a specific skill. It was for the holidays and People have suggested well, why don't you do one on how to smoke me?

I wanted you to do one about making pasta from scratch My thing is because you could watch Mario Battali do it. You can watch champion smokers do it. So I Guess what makes mine different is that I make it funny? You know, I just looked at it as a one fucking random thing that I was gonna do. But you know, now that she's been a douche about it, you know, I'll make it another one at some point, I guess. Let's see what the fuck will I do. The turkey pot pie. On the big green egg. I mean, I've watched you two videos of all of those.

I just didn't really saw somebody do like a... is there a pie crust video? I don't know. I just thought it'd be fun. I literally feel like I'm in a relationship right now. I'm sorry that video annoyed you. Oh God, this is so fucking moody. Yeah, I will, I will figure out something else to make one of those. I'll do like one a year. Now, it's actually giving me some ideas like maybe I'll do one. Oh, the summer's coming. All right. You're going to show up to 4th July is a quick fucking thing you can make. You know, maybe I'll do it. Maybe I'll do it. I just don't like committing to shit like that. I love not having a job, which is why I'm a fucking comedian. I really

enjoyed this whole, I work when I want to rather than be okay. We need 20 episodes of this. Alright, Thursday afternoon podcast got me laid bill. Oh, something positive. Oh, John, do you really think you could get somebody else laid? Fucking disease. It's probably why we die eight years earlier just because they just won't give it up. But if you get yourself out in front of it, next time your wife does that to you, sir, next time she takes you out at the knees, just come up to her and stroke the side of her face.

When you go out and get a new car, and you just, honey, don't you think you're a little bit old for that car? It does one of those things, makes you feel stupid, right? Just walk up, stroke the side of her face, and it's just, oh, honey, don't you think you're a little bit old for that car? You know, it does one of those things, makes you feel stupid, right? Just walk up, stroke the side of your face, just go off, sweetie. Don't worry. I'm not going to leave you. It's okay.

Shhh, it's okay. I know I look in the car. I'm sorry. Something like that. Something creepy. All right, Bill, last week on New Year's Eve, my wife and I listened to your podcast after we put the kids to bed. We drank wine and laughed our asses off.

That's great. This woke us up, energized us. Just as the throwback clip came on, it appeared that we may have sex to ring in the new year. Well, boy, oh boy, not more than a few notes into the outro song, we were going at it. It was all over just moments after the song ended, so maybe four minutes or so of ball-dropping bliss.

My dick thanks you for the laughs and the soundtrack. Did you guys fuck to the me undy song? I don't think I needed to know that. All right, oh, here it is. Here it is. This is the one I wanted to read. This is amazing. Overpopulation myth. Bill, how you're doing. And I'm just checking in on you. To inform you that if you go online and see for yourself

how much Aribal, A-R-A-B-RABLE, farmland and resources there actually is in the world. You'll see that there is enough to feed and home at least 100 billion people for a provable fact. I don't know, that sentence did make sense. Did you like voice Texas? Or did you actually, this is how you actually type out sentences. Person goes, so anytime you hear anyone say that seven billion people is too many people, they're THER, either seriously misinformed and or too lazy to do some research, or flat out lying through their teeth Like our so-called leaders and scientists must be. Oh, yeah, they got to be lying because you know you can't even spell there right

Because within one to do two days of research you can find studies that prove what I say It's gonna take me one to two days to find it on the internet studies that prove what I say. It's going to take me one to two days to find it on the internet. This is fucking hilarious. One to two days, two days to research, you can find studies that prove what I say is true. Parentheses, at least 100 billion. Now, I know you're in the business of waking the masses up just like the late great billhicks. No, I'm not.

But do you realize how serious the situation is regarding the distraction and brainwashing as organized by big business and their controlling family owners? So as great as I think you and your comedy are mentioning overpopulation, which is a complete myth, is doing them, parentheses, big corporations and the cons who own them, a big service and adding to the brainwashing. Anyway, Bill, I know you're a great man because of the subject you talk about during your shows, but please look for yourself at how much admirable, honorable fond land there is and consider the fact that all food grows completely for free.

Wow. All right. Well, I'll tell you this, buddy. I know I'm a moron, so I just looked up. I looked at how many people can the earth sustain. And it says, how many people can the earth support? So, 10 billion people is the utmost population limit where food is concerned. That's the first one The next one says more than 7 billion people currently are on the planet Compared to 3 billion in 1967 That one doesn't say I'll just want it's a video. I don't want to watch that

Current population is three times the sustainable level. That's the next article. How many people can the Earth sustain? I'll click on this one. I'm trying to find anything that says anything even remotely close to 100 billion. Here's a staggering stat. According to the United Nations,

the world's current population of 7.2 billion is now up to 7.8 is projected to increase by 1 billion over the next 12 years, which would bring us to 9.6 billion by 2050 How can we sustain all these people in the planet or rather how many people can this planet sustain that is the question Alan Weissman explored his latest book countdown our last best hope for a future on earth. Question mark. Jesus Christ a bunch of conversations. Bunch of words. How about a number? Where is the fucking number? All right. He has the chart of what it's going to the next 50 years we will need to produce as much food as it's ever been consumed for an entire human history.

Well, that makes sense, because they'll be the most people. They'll be the most farce ever in the history of human beings. There's no fucking number there. So all I can tell you is, if you see the environmental damage that 7.8 billion people did, if you can have 100 billion people like, I mean at this point in Africa there's barely any land for

wild animals. It's all like for the most part, that in the southern part of the country, it's all like roped off. It's finite, you know what I mean? That's completely surrounded. I'd have to say that I disagree and not just by your spelling because I couldn't read half the fucking words you said even when you spelled them right, but yeah, no, there's no fucking way 100 billion people. And there's any sort of animal life left that isn't stuck in a cage. You know what I mean? And also in this last year, I traveled to Singapore, Hong Kong, and Mumbai, India. And I saw what that next level of population looked like, too.

And I was breathing that air. Not Singapore. Singapore was different. But Hong Kong and Mumbai, India, you could almost taste the fucking air. And it was just way too many fucking people. I can tell you that there's no way a hundred billion people. And I don't understand why I need to look it up for one to two days. Why could you just send me a link?

I would love for you to be right, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're not. I'm gonna go with the scientists on this one. And also this also sounds like, you know, when people denied global warming, not to get all political, but one political party adamantly denied it for years and years and years,

and now they've decades and now they finally just go, yeah, we are causing climate change, but you know what, it's too late now. So I imagine that that's what's we're going to do. Out here we have a fucking methane gas leak that's been going on and I guess that's brought, it's like 10 times worse than carbon dioxide as far as getting put into the fucking atmosphere as far as heating it up and all that, we're completely fucked, we're fucked. We're absolutely fucked. And selfishly, I hope it doesn't happen by the end of my own life,

which is the exact sort of thought process that got us into this mess to begin with. But sir, you're correct in assuming that I'm a fucking dope, and I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm just kind of and I don't know what I'm talking about but I'm just kind of going with having traveled extensively You know for the last 20 years on the road and watching the population increase just in this country It's a weird thing with the population. It keeps looking like it's sort of leveled off

And I don't know because there's no factories anymore. All I know is like I used to be back in the day. If I jumped on the highway at two in the afternoon, I was good. And now everywhere I go, there's traffic. And I'm just looking at these people going like, you guys all stand up comics. Does everybody work the third shift? How to fuck all these people out on the road? I don't know what's going on.

Do a lot of people work from home and they're all driving out to get a sandwich at that time. Does everybody work the third shift? How the fuck are all these people out on the road? I don't even know what's going on. Do a lot of people work from home and they're all driving out to get a sandwich at that time? I don't know. You know what, let me look up. I heard the US population is kind of leveled off, which is exciting to me. That's exciting to me, you know.

US population, oh Jesus Christ, Bill, can you fucking population by year? Let's do this. All right, let's see what we got here. US population by year. All right, let's go back 1997 there was 2.7265 million and now this 322.07 million so it's gone up by like 50 million Is that enough to notice? Well, that's actually you know that's significant right? That's like in 20% increase. I think I make it some points All right, let's move on here. Alright, advice, changing high schools.

Dear Bill, I'm a freshman in high school and would like to know your perspective on my situation. I currently attended a performing arts high school in major jazz studies. Ah, that's fun, cool. I enjoy it in all, but this, the first semester has passed. I found out that jazz is something I don't want to do in life, rather than carry on for the next three years of this major, I'd rather change schools and major something that would benefit me in the long run, especially if I want to attend big schools like Harvard.

Well, that's good, man, you tried something, you've realized early on, you don't like it, and you got enough strength to be like, I have to communicate it. I don't wanna do this, anyone's good man. You tried something you've realized early on you don't like it and you got enough strength to be like I Communicate it. I don't want to do this. Anyone need something else. It's all good so far The problem is that in leaving my current school I could possibly Devastate the bands I'm in Jesus there came an ego lot of nowhere and also hurt some friends my director has placed me in some good bands And I even get paid money for playing friends. My director has placed me in some good bands

and I even get paid money for playing games. I'll see a crush in it. I would feel child will go to leave my director as he has put me in a position that many others would gladly take. This question has been tearing me apart for a while. What do you think Bill? Should I stay? Should I go? Also, if I do decide to leave, do you think I should tell my friends and directors that I am or should I just go out quietly? Dude, you have to do in life, what makes you happy? If you try to make other people happy, that's all you're gonna do and you're not gonna be happy

and then you're gonna be miserable to be around. You're gonna turn it to a bitter person who didn't do what they wanted to do in life and no one wants to be around that guy. All right, so as much as it's gonna hurt them, you gotta leave and you gotta tell them. And you have to tell them why you're gonna leave and just say, listen, I'm just not happy doing this.

I understand that I'm lucky and that a lot of people would kill to be in my position. So I feel that someone should at least be happy and be excited, you know? If people desire to be in my position and I'm occupying that position and I'm not happy I'm doing an injustice to myself and one of you guys all right. I apologize. I'm sorry and Then that's it and you know it's a great life lessons sometimes you know when you ask for what you want people get hurt and You know, I don't mean you physically have to hurt and. You know, their bottom lip quivers a little bit.

That's all I'm saying. That's it. But don't go out quietly. Don't sneak out the back door. Be a man or a woman about it and fucking, you know, be an adult. All right. That's it. And you should be commanded for understanding that you don't like something and not just

staying in it. All right. Book recommendations. All right, book recommendations. All right, hey Bill, not to start off by blowing smoke up your ass, but F is for family is a phenomenal show. Has me cracking up nonstop, but I digress. Well, thank you, I appreciate that. It gives me a chance to promote the show.

If you haven't watched it yet, please check out F is for family. Evidently we're doing great on the old Netflix there. This person says, I remember you mentioned you read please check out F is for family. Evidently we're doing great on the old Netflix there. This person says, I remember you mentioned you read open, oh that you read open by Andre Agassi. So I picked it up and started reading it. It truly is one of the books that's tough to put down. Was wondering if you had any other recommendations

that you've read of late, thanks and go fuck yourself. That comedian book that I mentioned, I have it downstairs. It's like the history of stand-up comedy. Let me look it up here. Which has taken me forever to get through because every time they bring up a name, I'm like, who the fuck is that guy? And then I look them up and then I'm on the internet. But it's been a joy, the history of stand up comedy book. There it is. All right,

this is what I've been reading. It's called the comedians, drunks, thieves, scoundrels in the history of American comedy. Jesus Christ, how about brilliance? Did you know any geniuses in there? No, not to prior. Lenny Bruce, none of that. All right. Yeah, so that's what I've been reading and, I don't know, I'm in another one of those modes

when I'm just playing a lot of drums and I'm cooking and that type of stuff. And also feeling the pressure to put out another cooking video to shut up somebody that I never met before. How fucking ridiculous is that? I should just let it go. You know, I said, but you know what, I'm not gonna. You know what, maybe I'll make a fuck,

I'll make a breakfast one, I made a pie one. I'll make a breakfast one, I'll make a lunch one. I'll make a dinner or a supper one. I'll do it all throughout the fucking years. All right, that'll be all basic cooking by a basic hunt. All right, that's the podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. It's a brand new year. I have like two stand-up gigs booked because I'm trying to figure out what the fuck is going

to go on with this show. We're going to get a second season. I need to know, but I think I'm just going to start booking shit. Because that's how this business works. If you book a bunch of shit, then they just go, oh, well, let's fucking give you something right in the middle of all that other shit that you booked. If you don't book anything, then you're just going to be staring at your phone and it's never going to ring.

What are you fucking witch billion to sue you and to superstitious stuff? Well maybe I am. I have no idea. But Paul Verzi is going to try to not drink starting today until the beginning of April. And I told him that I would sort of halfass committed that I would do it with him. So I'm sort of on the wagon right now. I didn't drink last night. I don't really have any desire to do it today.

I'm fucking wiped out. So we'll see, I'm gonna try to see, I'll try to go as long as I can. All right, that's it, go fuck yourself. So talk to you on Thursday. What's up, everybody? And welcome back to anything better podcast NFL edition four week 18 the final week of the regular season is upon us. And we got a great last show for you guys last picks. But don't worry, the playoffs are coming. By the way, before we get into this, I don't know if you guys remember, I beat the book last year and Paulie shit the bed in the playoffs. I was like one and seven and the rest of the

show carried me. So I want to bring this winning streak into the playoffs because Paulie had a rough one last year. But we got one more. I know, but you beat the book three years in a row. That I did. And it was not a pile on team wasn't a pile on. You need Kobe Shaq Phil Jackson, Kevin Garnett, fucking KD. It was Paul. Paul alone. He did not take his talents to South Beach. He stayed right there in New York. You know, wore a different hoodie for 18 weeks in a row. The man is not superstitious.

He beats the book Paul Verzi. You know what Bill? Death taxes and Paul Verzi beat in the book. Am I fucking amazing Paul? I was in Los Angeles in my hotel. Week three, I went all in four. I was like six game under. I was licking my wounds.

I was licking my wounds. But you know what? Just picture with your head between your knees. I get it. This isn't me, man. Oh, Bill, by the way, you got a job. I think you, me, and I don't know what Tham was did, but we both went three and one you and I Samus, when I must go three and one I need to go seven and oh this week off of four games to some outbreak be 500

I accidentally on the chart picked five games But I they won the first four and then I noticed that I told you guys if whatever happens I'll just I'll take one win off. So went three, three, I'll give it three and one. All right. Okay. So basically us three collectively went nine and three. But let's get into the sponsor before we get into this guys. You guys know what it is.

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oh, oh, oh, I got to tell you. I got to tell you guys something. Bill, you're going to love this. I wanted to send this to you, but I couldn't yesterday, but check this out. So unfortunately, my back has been really bad. I have a disk issue issue and I'm going to get some x-rays tomorrow and everything. So I couldn't go to my son's basketball game yesterday, which was home, on everything. So I couldn't go to my son's basketball game yesterday, which was home, but they have a thing where you could actually watch it with the link they send you. So I'm laying in bed and I'm on my phone and they do it. They actually do a good job. They scan the thing. I see my daughter sitting down in the bleachers. I hear my wife talk it like, right? Dude, they're playing this team West Lake.

Can you press a button and like yell at the ref from your house? Dude, I wanted to fuck with that dude. I wanted to know. I wanted to press a button and yell like guys hands up It was like I'm laying there watching it, right? So anyway They're playing I want to do another disc. Oh dude. So They're playing a team that's superior to them. They're playing a team that they played already this year and lost by 24. So Lucas Lucas had a couple of buddies over around New Year's and he's gone. Dad, we're going to be closer. We're going to play them closer. Long story short, I'm watching this thing. It was like a movie when the injured players at a hospital bed jumping around. I am watching this. It's when this one for my dad.

Yeah. I am watching this. It's when this one for my dad. Yeah. So it's like a two or three point game. Then they start pulling away. They get up six in the fourth. Lucas hits a three. Then they hit another one.

And then we're five. It's a five point game. Like a minute, something left. They're up or down. What we're down. So Lucas, so Lucas, he gets a steal with like two minutes left, runs down. It's just him and the kid. I'm laying in bed.

He goes up and one goes in. The place goes nuts. What are you doing? Oh, dude, I leaned up and I went, ah, I'm, I told, I told, I told, I go, Stacy, I just cheered and hurt myself. I go, ah, yeah, right? No, you went, yeah. I hurt, I hurt. So, that's the way it's seen in a movie, dude. So, he fucking hilarious. Oh, so he goes to the foul line just, swishes the foul shot.

They come down, dude. They, they, they score again. Then he hits a three, dude. And now it's like a two point game. And they get fouled and they go to the line and miss both. And we don't get the rebound. And Lucas is and everyone's going like this. Box them out. That's what they're screaming. You got a box out. So we foul them again. They go to the line, hit one. Now it's a three point game. They

call time out and they design a play for Lucas to shoot a three. Oh my God. And dude, he comes up and he was really far out. He was really far out. And he jumped too high and it rattles in and out, dude. And then there's, there's point seven seconds left. We got the ball because they tipped it out of bounds and we threw it in and we lose it. The buzzer. And he comes home. We would have never been in the game if it wasn't for him. He comes home. And knew what it was going to be and he walks up to stairs and I go, Hey, buddy, I saw every second of that game, great game. And he just looks at me and looks away and say nothing. And then Stacy goes, do you hear your father? And he just keeps walking and I hear his door close and I go in his room and I'm like, hey, man, he's just got his head down. He goes, do you have a walker? He goes, can you please leave? He goes, can you, can you please leave right now? And I just tapped him on the leg. I go, buddy, I go, dude, those shots, I go, you

led, you know, what'd you lead all scorers that steal your head that you're not even in the game. If you don't do that, you're not even in the game, you know, and he's just like, Dad, can you just please? So I let him have his thing. And then he came out and he's talking. And he's like, he's like, yeah, I just texted the coach and I said, don't think I don't want that shot every time or something.

And then he just looked at me. He has a game today and he goes, I can't fucking wait to play again. And I was just like, there it is, dude, there it is. I go, you're gonna have a lot of those. But I got some video for there it is, dude, there it is. I go, you're going to have a lot of those. But I got it, I got some video for you to see. Dude, it's nuts, man. It's not Jesus. Yeah. He's got the mentality. He's got the shot. That's amazing. No, dude, it was, it was nuts. And I was like, yeah, if, dude, but it's almost better that the, if that shot went in, I would have fell off the bed and been flopping around like a fucking fish.

It was amazing dude. Like he's going to win games for that team. Like he's just like coming into his own. So, and also you know what it is too. It's like it's incredible. Life experience, the ups and downs, and then the stories you have, and then that bond you have with your friends, that, you know, yeah, I got friends with my Duke that, like, there's still towns they drive through and they get like this feeling because they lost a game there, you know, I didn't play organized sports. My parents thought I was, you know, I would do, I wouldn't do as well in school. So they pulled me out of organized sports in the fifth grade, because I got a D in math and then I proceeded to flunk everything anyway.

They took away the one thing I wouldn't have been halfway decent with, but they were academia's. I couldn't imagine, somebody said like, imagine these parents that have multiple children in the pros and they go and they see them compete against each other and ones on the fucking jets and ones on the, you know, Niners. As I'm watching my son play a team like in high school, far superior, and I'm watching him bring the gymnasium to life and make it a game because of his shooting. And it was dude, I was fucking. How about the parents, the amount of hours? If your kid makes it all the way to that level,

all the way to the NFL, the amount of hours that you invested, driving them to practice, going to all the games, it's unreal. Like, and dude, and you know what's nuts is watching them double team him and hearing another coach going like, don't let him shoot. I'm just, it's the great dude.

Dude, there's like great dude. There's like three guys on him when he's pulling out. Fucking best. All right. Bill, it is week 18. It is week 18. We both went three and one last week. I believe it's my pick first. And I am going to go, I don't even fucking care. No. Playing with house money here, Paul. Yeah, but we like to close strong, no? I want to close strong. So we build some sort of winning tradition here. I'm fucking, I'm going to hot sea Paul.

Last two years, I haven't beat the book. Let's come the excuses. Going into this week, just so people know the records bill your 3031 and 4. What? I'm only a game down. Yeah. Dude, you went three and one, two and two. Yeah, you're 30 to I'll read at everything.

I'll write. Whoa shit. Paul, you're. I gotta make this work, man. Paul, you're 36, 25 and three. That's a big fuck you to the book. What do you got Andrew? Well, despite the fact that it didn't actually make any money gambling this year, I did pretty well in this particular area, 41, 19 and five. Why aren't you hosting this show? Because it's a fluke bill. Well, why don't you put money on the games that you're fucking betting

at some point during the season? I don't like it. You know what it is. You got too much y'all shucks in you. All right. That's one fucking thing about weeds every week. Just fucking with this fucking like like a fucking snake Paul. Just hitting the book and the book has to take a nap like a mongoose. All right, let's let's fucking do this Paul. All right, my first pick. I am going to take a team that just needs to win and they're in and they're at home. And that is the Green Bay Packers minus three against the Bears. If the Packers win, they make the playoffs. They won last week. And I think they're going to, I think even though the Bears are playing well, I think the Packers find a way to get into the playoffs. I'm going to take Green Bay

at home. All right, I like the Cleveland Browns getting seven over the Bengals at home. I don't know if this somebody heard. I don't give a fuck. I like the Browns defense and I like getting seven. And I like coffee. And I like having eggs. I like lamp. Why are the Kansas City? minus. You love the Jags. I do. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick.

I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick.

I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love that pick. I love love the Jags. I do. I love that pick minus five and a half versus the Texans

who I think the Titans. I mean, the Titans, which I think Mike Vrable is going to get. I think they're going to can them. I got a feeling. I got to tell you something Paul. That's a great coach to pick up. Yeah, he's good. He's really good. They're great things, Paul. You know, they didn't have all the money. They didn't have all the guys. You know, guys are winner. I like my label. Maybe a rough black Monday for Mikey. Now he's that guy's definitely going to work again. Hey, man, guys, the amount of fucking chances. Some guy, I'm not going to say the name's Paul, but the amount of guys that just keep getting chance after chance. Look at Carl's Lane Kiffin and now he finally lands in Mississippi. He's doing great things.

He's doing great things. I got to tell you something. I got to tell you something. Somebody just said the Raiders should pick up a variable, perfect fit. I would stick with the guy they have. Yeah, for some reason they're saying they might not, which is weird. Oh, do you throw a guess out throw a guess in there? No, no, they want they aren't shelled. They had the first black coach. Yeah, coach, they did. What do you think of coaches doing with their wives after the last Sunday?

Honey, don't answer the phone. And then they go, that's Chris. Let's do a little stay vacation. I'm not going anywhere. Oh know what, sweetie, they want to just maybe say good job. See you next year. Now I'm giving my box. Bring that empty box. Karen, pack up. We're moving. Where?

I don't know yet. We should have gone for two. We can't make me laugh. Oh, I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. I'm going to be a little bit more. We should have gone for two. We can't make me laugh. Pull you back, sorry.

Well, though, that is tempting to keep making you laugh. Oh, that's funny. We should have won for two. But you want to pick up that kicker. He always is left. The kicker always goes left. Go ahead. The lines got fucked last week.

They need to win. They need to go in positive. They don't need to win. But these guys are're going to have the lines got fuck last week. They need to win. They need to go in positive. They don't need to win. But I just, are these guys all going to push out the last week and rest their starters? Is that what they're all going to do? These are all division rivalry games. The NFL's setting it up for exciting games and the Patrick Mahomes is going to sit out this week.

Is that what he's only only gonna play a half, what's going on here? Yeah, they're probably like play halves. So stupid, all right, whatever. You know, I don't give, all I can go with is what I know. I like the Lions minus three and a half versus the Minnesota Vikings.

I like that. I like that. I like the, what's that coach's Dan Campbell? Yep. I like that. I liked it. I liked it. What's that coach's Dan Campbell? Yep. I liked that guy. I was saying on my podcast, he was like,

when he just kept going for two against the Cowboys, he was like Joe Pesci when he was playing Blackjack and Casino. Hey, take that in eligible and shove it up your mother's ass. He just keeps going. He was on that O and 16 team Paul. He's like, not again, motherfucker. I like this guy. Players coach. I like him. And I liked

it. What's the guy in the greatest name? Antonio Pierce. Antonio Pierce. Those guys look like football guys. They look, they don't look like analytic guys. Run it down there. Fucking throw it's Paul. How do I like these guys? How can you smile? All right, here we go. 49ers and Rams. Oh my darling, no, my darling, oh my darling 49ers. I don't know. We're going to sit perty and we're going gonna sit somebody else. And then the Rams are gonna win about two. No, they're at the 49ers. You ever see that stadium, Paul, looks like a fucking roller coaster when you're walking up to it.

I'm gonna take when the Saints come marching in. Oh, when the Saints go, muck, but shit, it beat the Falcons by more than fucking three. Uh, ballers, he's back's gonna feel much better. I think the Saints are gonna win that game by three because I believe they have a shot. They might need help, but if they win, they got a shot. So I'm going to take the Saints at home minus three against the division rival. You know, be hilarious is if the Saints release Derek Carr and the Patriots pick him up.

So we all go, dude, fucking Derek. I'm going to take the commanders plus 13 versus the cowboys. That's a great bet. That's division rivalry. Every then and then, everybody's going to sit down this week to pee, you know, going into the fucking playoffs. All right. I'll do that.

And four, my fourth and final pick of this season, my last pick of this year's thing, I'm going to finish off with my New York giants getting four and a half in Philadelphia. What is going on in Philly Paul? Philadelphia is reeling. They just lost to the Cardinals and I know the giants are going to try to give them a little fuck you before it's over. Not saying the giants win the game. It had to be, it had to be injuries. Paul, what happened to them? I don't know, but I like the four and a half. I like the four and a half. So. Oh, Paulie cutlets. Oh, Paulie pasta. He's sticking with his pie zone over it. Bench. They benched. Tommy's been benched. Oh, Tommy got benched two weeks ago. I'll tell you something. There is no

city in the sport world that can get you fucking excited about someone that's going to be on the bench two fucking weeks later or traded 100% never seen anything like it. Mark Sanchez. I mean, they started by me. Godlets. They're making a fusion kid just killing everybody on the nicks. Who was that kid? Jeremy Lynn. Oh my God. Why did you trade that guy? He was a New York City legend. And then they got it. We're getting traded as Houston. Who'd you get for him? I don't even know.

We just fucking Greg Gatlin. Chris Gatlin. Who'd you get for him? I don't know who the fuck we got. Well, you have a fourth pick. I do have a fourth pick, Paul. And I'm taking the Chicago Bears. I'm going against you, Paul.

You know, I love you. All right. You know, you know, I love you. And now you know, I love Jordan love. Are you on that fucking kids got that arm dude? I love the Packers, but it's just their rate and eight. The bears are coming on. I don't know.

It's a these fucking teams. Yeah, they played each other a zillion times. I'm starting to believe in that Ohio State kid on the bears. I think everybody just shut the fuck up and they just letting them sling it. And I like what they're doing over there. Paul and I'm gonna stand up comedian. So what the fuck do I know? There you go.

That completes. Paul, I swear to God. I need, I can't, I cannot go two and two. I have to go three and one. Paul, I need this one. Get all desperate. Paul, you don't understand. Two, you, you, I've never seen a guy say they weren't doing.

You were like two and two every week this year. Well, the level that I had to leave my fucking house watching the Cowboys piss that fucking game away to the Lions. That was the story. Not that this fucking guy checked in Paul. It was that they were up by seven. And the Lions had only scored 13 points the whole game and all of a sudden, they, first of all, they should have run the ball three times before they kicked the field goal.

They threw it one time. I get it. They went for the fucking kill shot. But you missed that thing. You, you saved 30 seconds. You just gave them a fucking time out. They run the ball and third down. They line up. They kicked a fucking ball. Then they go into this soft zone, 15 yard prevent.

Dude, just show that belly, dude. It's 10 yards for a first down. Now, I'm an old guy. I don't remember. Does the clock stop on a first down inside of two minutes? I think it does. It does. So you're giving them timeout, timeout, timeout. 25 yards, 10 yards, 14 yards. Paul, you wanna know why I don't have any fucking hair? It's the prevent defense. Dude, I gotta, no, but you know something? I think dude, Mike McCarthy, that coach, that's why they hated him in the Packers.

Do you know how many games they were winning late in playoff games and then all of a sudden, they just fucking play scared. The Cowboys fucking sucked at the end of that game. They didn't suck the fucking idea to do that soft zone sucks. Yeah. I want to see the analytics on that Paul, like how many times does it actually run out the clock?

Because all I think, all I think I think it does is it guarantees an exciting ending for football fans and that they're the other team that's down is going to get four shots at the end zone. Yeah, but you noticed that the 49ers don't do that. Some of those, these really good teams, that Alabama Crimson tied does not do that. If you watch that Auburn game, when Auburn fucking pulled their pants down and bent over the fucking goddamn couch Russian two and the fucking guys just standing back there granted it was an incredible throw. Incredible throw, but they score the touchdown the very next one. They got them pinned down on the two yard line and they given them a 15 yard cushion. Sabin's got

them up on the fucking line. Yeah. Playing football, Paul, you play to win the games. No, why? Because the defensive coach are going, no one's beating us deep. That's what happens, dude. On a two minute drive, they go, nobody's beating us deep. Get back, get back. It's haven't beat you deep all day. What point are you going to believe that the first 58 minutes were true? Exactly. Right. That's why you know what? Me and you should just quit comp. Let's just coach a team. Me and you, I'll be your decordinator. This is us at the end of this season. I have a newfound respect for coaching. There was a lot of things I didn't take into consideration when I was sitting on my couch. What happens to be a reason Paul? What about

club soda? Kenny being a coach. You're out. But, Tony, Kenny doesn't give a fuck about sports. He's been to a bunch of sporting events with me. And when he goes, he's immediately breaking down the game. Yeah, he goes, why do they keep running that play? I was like, this guy's like paying attention. He can't shut it off, Paul. He's immediately, he's like a fucking security camera, just looking at the offense and defensive side

Why did I why did I keep doing this he shouldn't be single covered mr. double him Are they gonna cover that guy how many buckets is he gonna score and you're just looking at him like And I go like look at you and then he just laughs I go, but you still don't give a fuck. He's like no And I go like, look at you and then he just laughs. I go, but you still don't give a fuck. He's like, no. I'll take Paul. I don't miss being on the road because I love my children and my wife so much.

I fucking love being home. But the only thing that sucks about being home is a fucking club soda, Kenny. I don't get to see him as much too. I know. Dude, that guy, harder gold gold, loyal as they come. Yeah. He's the greatest, Paul.

Like that's one of those guys. When he fucking retires, you don't replace him. You just tell the stories. And I loved that when we were at the masters with him. He was so psyched to see Tiger when we were psyched. He was like, there he, like he knew, like he knew, you know, he loved it. He loved it. You know, he's in two on the road. Presidential libraries. He gets into the secret service and shit. So we were supposed to start hitting those things through the two funniest presidential libraries is ever is gonna have to be Trump and Biden.

You know what I mean? Like the Trump one should be like part amusement park because he's so fucking, if he's not running the country, the guy is fucking hilarious. And then Joe Biden, I don't know what it is. You know what it should be? They don't really build it. You Google Maps can't find it for something. Like, there's something about like, I don't remember.

Jake, Jake just wrote George W. Bush is very funny. There's a whole wing of him throwing out the first pitch. By the way, I didn't know that Jeter story. I didn't know that Jeter story. And Jeter just told the story when George W. Bush went out to throw the first pitch after 9-11. And this is before he banked up to the country with his damn good intelligence, right? Yeah, yeah.

He goes, Jeeter goes, you're throwing out the first pitch, he's like, yeah, and he goes, you throwing it from the mound or the front of the mound. And Bush goes, I'm going to throw it from the, I was going to throw it from the front of the mound. And Jeeter goes, they're going to boo you. They're going to boo you. And he goes, you got to go to the mound. So then Bush is like, all right, I'll go to the mound. So then he goes to the mound. He said, and as he's walking away, Jeter just goes, don't bounce it.

They'll boo you too. Can I tell you something, Paul? Is there any, there's no better fans than fucking East Coast fans? I mean, that's a fact. I mean, I mean, the fact that you guys, you're gonna boo the president, not on any political basis is because he's being a pussy and throwing it from the front. I mean, as Red Sox said, I mean, that's fucking great.

I, I 100% I am behind that. By the way, dude, did you see the fucking dude? I was up last night. I have to sleep in another room, another mattress, because my mattress is bad for my back right now. So I'm watching this thing. I'm crying laughing, punching the thing. Oh god.

Did you see the dude jump over the bench when the judge? So there was a judge in Nevada, this woman, and you just see split screen and the dude's just like this and she goes, well, yeah, I appreciate that, but you know, you have too many fell and you have too many things you're gonna have to, and this dude just goes, man, shut up bitch, dude. He runs as fast as he can from behind where he was sitting with his lawyer. Bill, the air he got, he dove over the bench, his legs were so high. He dove over and sideways. It was like a wrestler and he grabbed the fucking woman, throws her down, the bay lifts are stopping him and everything. And then there was, there was a meme. Somebody made a video of Trump holding a football going like

and then the guy jumping over, dude, I fucking lost control of myself, but yeah, he jumped through that guy's gonna get like 30 dude He no he already was done. He didn't jump dude. He fucking it was like he turned into Superman It was the craziest shit. I'll send you through a yeah the the body block Dude, he looked like Jimmy Superfly snooker off the ropes, but he made it all you know It'd be great if she caught him and then just Tony at list him and fucking over the bench slammed him to like did the spinner wrap him and everybody in the court saying yeah. She's what they're came up like whole golden. And then fucking gives him the fucking what is that the people's elbow.

Oh shit, dude. Um, all right, Billy got one. Dude, if that happens again, you're going to see judges are going to start looking like bank tellers. They're gonna. Oh, I do the level of air was so I can't believe a high he got. Yeah, that's a shame all the way around. Man, throwing your life away, doing that shit, the fucking and then her getting hit.

That's that's a goddamn shame. Not saying it's not hilarious. Listen, I hope the ladies find, but it was one of the most hilarious things I've ever witnessed on the internet. I also have to give a shout out to the general public, Paul. Like, they just keep getting funnier and funnier. Like, the general public before the internet was water cooler jokes, you know what I mean?

And then the occasionally a person where you see you could be a standup comedian. Dude, like, my favorite thing Instagram is the comments. I saw this band, everybody in the band was obese and I immediately went to the comments and everybody was naming the band. I mean, they were brilliant. Judas feast, my de Pesh, alamode.

Ah! Jimmy Eight World was my favorite one. I was just sitting there by myself. Just stand up, comment. I don't have that shit. I had tears rolling down my eyes going. This is fucking, this is amazing. So shout out to regular people, man. They're fucking hilarious. And the Judas face, Judas face, the pressure on a mode. Oh my God. Oh, dude. And that's that's only the ones I could remember. It was just did just kept going and going. And then sometimes people would actually name real

bands that had food like cake. Remember that band? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going the distance. Oh my God. That's he's going for speed. Paul, we missed you on the tailgate like. I'm going to I'm going to tell you, I sent you that video. When I sat down with that fucking perfect bacon, egg and cheese on an English mushroom made on the flat top grill by Mike Bertolina. And I had the last cap of Chino. And I was just sitting there on it. Do people will coming over to our tailgate, go and like, wow,

you guys, you guys got coffee, you got a flat top girl. What is this thing called here? Dude, I got to ratchet straps. I thought I was going to be like losing my shit trying to figure out because I'm really bad at shit like that. Like I don't know why. I just like to me, the back of the stove was the front of the stove. Like I don't know how my brain is wired, but I always look at the stove like I'm standing

behind a car in traffic. So I was able to figure that out and it didn't move even a hair. Like I was driving so like gingerly, no pun intended. And I was just thinking like, you know, I put all of this shit in here. You know, I'm afraid stuff's going to go flying. We even had an extra fucking tank for the, for the flat top and case it ran out or if somebody else needed it?

And how about the game? Not only did you have a great tailgate, how about the fight? No, it gets even better. The tailgate down from us, one of the former nose tackles from the, I saw this guy, he was fucking huge. And they came over with shooting the shit.

He was on the 97 team. I think that won the national championship. That's the last time they won. So how great, Paul Michigan, first Washington. Hey, Jake, the snake, can you, can you look up one of those last time? The Washington Huskies won a championship. I don't think in my lifetime they have a one one that I can remember. I used to remember they went to the Rose Bowl a lot when I was a kid.

Was it maybe like? There he is. Looking like a tape. Ponte Jake. He's got the scruff going. You got a lady in your life? You're on the prowl. What's going on with you?

I like the new fucking, uh, uh, sex symbol Jake going into the playoffs. Yeah, we got got to get ready. Uh, let's see. Last time they won a championship, they have... 1951. That's what it was like in 1991. Day one at 91?

Yes, I'm looking up some more details now. There you go, show us what the fuck I know about. Yeah, they went 12 and 0. Who is their quarterback? Was that Drew Blet? No, Drew true blood so was Washington State. Good question. Let's see. They're quarterback. Was that the other guy that people drafted? It looks like Mark Brinnell. It was a great quarterback for the Jackson for Jackson for the Jags. Yeah. Yeah. And who was their coach? Tom Kaufland. Yeah, Tom Kaufland. Um, dude, I'm I am a Trevor Lawrence fan. I am a Trevor

Lawrence fan. I am a fucking fan watching that guy shake off that injury, seeing how bad he wants to win. And I was calling them the good looking zombie. I don't think it's I need to fucking terminator, man. I didn't read that look in his eye properly. Look, let's be honest, he's a fucking great looking guy with incredible head of hair. I got a little jealous, Paul. I got my feelings, you know? I don't think any sports show that exists has more wins against the number, against the number against the book in our show. Do you know that? That's a, I think that's a deck. I've what there's, I mean, unless there's a show out there that I don't know about, but nobody's going against the book. This many games. Why are you going to shook

night on us right now, Paul? No, dancing in the videos. I just want to say, up in all your shit, come to death row for your picks. All right, Bill, we have one last special. And it is the special we have is. Well, wait, wait, before we go, Paul, who do you like Michigan? Oh, the Huskies, I heard the Huskies have a great coach. I like Michigan because Michigan showed me that Michigan showed me during that Alabama game, dude.

If, and if that team was ever going to give it up, it would have been to Alabama and that game and they didn't. That running back is an absolute animal. That quarterback played good under pressure. They played sloppy though and they made a lot of mistakes. So I'm hoping that that was unforced fucking errors. That thing when he handed off the ball and he goes to throw it back to him, it doesn't make it to the quarterback. He falls on it. I do the whole time. I was like, that's it. You do that once against Nick Sabin. It's fucking over. Here's why I think Michigan wins because when I watched Michigan's defensive line, get that kid in the back field a lot, especially at number 55, the big, strong thing for the

Washington Huskies is their quarterback, Mike Panic Jr. And I think if you get to that kid, I think that Washington will lose the game. And I think Michigan smells Jr. And I think if you get to that kid, I think that Washington will lose the game. And I think Michigan smells it. And I think they're going to get it. So my pick is that kid that kid I only watched him for like the last three, four minutes of the game. And then I kind of read up on him and battling back from two ACL injuries. I think that that guy is a killer. Yeah. I think it's a pick him. I think the only reason why it's a minus four is because Vegas tries to get money on both sides. I'm excited for both programs because they haven't one in a long time, but as a Michigan fan, this would be crushing to come this close. But I would, on the other side, be very excited that Washington won because everybody deserves

a good point. Michigan made it. Michigan made stupid, like Michigan made, Michigan made excited that Washington won because, you know, everybody deserves Michigan. Here's the get one. Huh? Like you said though, you made a good point. Michigan made stupid like Michigan, the fumble on the one when that kid could have got that could have been fucking. I think they're going to clean that up. The interception to start the game for you through it right to him. He's trying to throw it out of bounds.

I saw the the fumbled punt, the fucking when he threw it back to him. They just, they just kept making the stupid fucking. I don't think, yeah, I don't think they're going to do that this time. I think they're going to clean it and they were good enough to beat Alabama with those fucking mistakes. How many times has Nick Saban capitalized on those mistakes on another team? Yeah, I think that this was the first time in a while that he didn't seamlessly transition from losing his senior class into bringing, or some juniors and seniors into like another amazing. The guy's recruitment is on a whole other level and I know people, they're

fucking crooked and blah, the whole fucking thing is crooked. Okay. So he's playing the game, you know, better than everybody else. So I mean, that's just, uh, and give Reggie what his fucking high is, been trofe already. You see this kid, these kids are fucking in pen houses and Ferraris right now, because it's legal now. It's fucking good. Okay. Well, and also Reggie Bush was not running the fucking program, but I don't give a fuck what they were doing.

He still gained all of those yards. He 100% should have his, his high spin trophy. That really is like, I mean, what did they take away from Pete Carroll? Dude, I guess his championship, but he's, he didn't have to give up a fucking windbreaker, right? And then they go after this kid and he has to fucking give back the highest trophy, in sports. Give it back to him. They're like, they're always like, oh, they bought his mother a Honda cord. So, but it's like, dude, he doesn't know what the fucking booster's are. It's a Honda cord or whatever it is. I had one of those when I wasn't making any money in this business.

Jesus fucking Christ. Now now I know panties drop over a fucking Honda. A cord. That's the car. You dad drives and drops you off at fucking school. I I agree, man. You can't blame the kid man. You can't blame the kid. Let's start a petition. I want to know where that Heisman trophy is. I bet it's in some fucking boosters. Goddamn living room right now. That's Reggie Bush's. Nah, it's mine. Maybe you got to want some horse. No, sneaky peat does co-coff it. All right. No, he doesn't. Don't you fucking talk about my sneaky Pete like that. Sneaky Pete is a physical specimen. The way he can still run. I'll tell you, Nick Sabin can still run. If you think I was in the next

next savin in the beginning, the first half and second half the way he ran out, he was better than I do. If you think cocaine is not the reason that 73 year old man is running up in that tune is gone like that. You got. He can't shut it off, Paul. He can't shut it off. The thing about him is he looks like that guy in the Simpsons, the religious guy. Oh, I think one of the mustache. Flanders. Flanders.

He has flanders, energy, and then he fucking comes around and you just see him do it. He's chewing that gum. They do all of this shit for having a turkey neck when you get over older I think Pete Carol figured it out. You just have one fucking piece set a chain smoking you just keep putting that one piece of rigley in there I don't know man Pete carls a type of guy to be like hey, you're gonna come by. No, we're gonna cook a bring your wife. Yeah, bring your wife I declined to comment on that listen Listen, what Pete does off the fucking field is not what I'm talking about.

What's her name again? Carol? Yeah bring her bring her up. She seemed great. No, he remembers her name. He forgets. You only calls you stoop. It's like, oh, it's Paul. No way, you left. Yeah. Was it Vinnie? Oh, no. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it.

I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. I'm not sure if I'm gonna get it. He's got a button down your wife disappears you hear that noise. What's going on in there? I just chewing some gum All right Paulie Paulie back brace here All right, all right, sorry. We have a division rivalry for the special we have The dolphins and the bills the bills need the wind I don't care

They need it. I don't care if the dolphins are gonna win, the bills need the win. I don't care. They need it. I don't care. The dolphins are going to win this game out, right? Oh. And they're just going to put an end to this fucking, whatever the fuck happened to bills this year. I think their biggest problem is they're named after me. A lot of people, they think it's like Buffalo Bill.

They got the butt, so a big misdirection. All right. We'll go dolphins. Paul, I don't want to go dolphins and let's listen Paul, you're in the middle of a dynasty right now. I love the I love the under. All right, so listen man, let's go at your instincts. Let's go dolphins, let's go under and let's go Tyree kill for a touchdown. I know his house just got burned. He's going to be a little distracted. How about two with tongue of ILO to throw one?

Or he could be upset. I just feel like they're going to try to take Tyree Kill away. I think as always, they might have a little success in the first and second quarter, and then he'll do something in the second half. But is he going to break one? All right, so how about this? Let's go dolphins under and two would a throw one. I like that. All right. Let the Monday night's pass show Paul. Let's get another one in it. We only hit one this year. Yeah. Yeah. No more excuses, Paul. We're not we're not we're not bringing

home the bacon for the fans here. Let's go out with a bang Hey, that's what she said when Pete Carroll came over You could hear his chewing from the ring when you have a ring at home. You're just like you like his head Oh, he's over there. No, you pick up and all you hear is the gum chewing and then he hangs up Is an unidentified number. I don't know who that was. I heard the gum. We shouldn't disparage the man like that. It's just funny. If Reggie, his god damn trophy back. Do a Pete Carol is such a character that if I just walked in and saw him and shook his

hand and he smiled, I'll just burst out laughing dude. He's such a character that guy. Like he's so like, I don't know. There's just something to do. I love Pete Carroll. He's a hard guy to be in a bad mood around. You know, like, no, and he's still, he still wants to fuck it. He wants to get another one, Paul. He's, the guy's in his set. He's, he's the oldest coach in the NFL. You wouldn't know it. I'm telling you. I love Pete Carroll. There's just always a packet gum in his khaki. Oh, that's a non-negotiable.

All right. All right. You know what? I went to Seattle. He loves chewing gum in the rain. Seattle. He loves chewing gum in the rain. Oh God. As the NCAA was descending on USC. He's at his high. Hey, let's get out of here. Now go Northwest. So he's a drive out here. I think a fucking chipmunk. I was going to say, this is sad that this is why I have a rule. You cannot chew gum in the fucking house. No, she's the game's over. Spit it out. Oh yeah. That guy's got to be doing something at home. He's on a treadmill downstairs when

they're not that guy's active. Always. Oh, he's got a fucking TRX band. He brings on the team plane. They got a little hook right in the top. He's fucking doing these laying down, pulling himself up. I was going to say this is said that it's the last show, but we still got the playoffs where I shit the bed last year. So we got, we'll be back for oh, I need you on one road gig this year. Which one? Let's do it. I'm playing Carolina and then I'm playing Nashville, Tennessee. And I'm bringing Vinnie Mark. All right. No, Vinnie, Vinnie is, he plays a lot of golf.

Things were said. It's you and me versus Sam a little skins game here. All right. So we got to work this guy for some handicaps here because he is, you know, I'm trying to protect his image here because I know how he makes a lot of his money. He's a real, he's a decent golfer. All right.

Well, Paul has got to get his back, speaking of handicapped, I can get my back right, but then we're going to do it. All right. When is that? When is that? I don't know. Spring? I hope so.

I march. What? He hope so. I march. He's already hit me up. He's very excited because he feels he's going to make more money playing golf against us than doing two shows open and for me. And you know, Paul, I pay. I pay my openness. I want everybody to be happy. All right, everybody.

That's the show. Please bet responsibly. And if you want to play along with our special and with our picks, go to the bet MGM app download it, use our code, burr burrr. It's as simple as that. You put up to $10 as little as $10 into start. Okay. And if you lose your first bet, you will get $1,500 in bonus bets after the initial bet gets settled. Okay? So bet responsibly. Have fun.

Download the bet MGM app. The best app out there. Let's go. We got for our special, the dolphins to win the game under 49 and a half and two to throw a touchdown against the bills division rival. There you go. This has been week 18. We'll be back next week for the, oh my God, for wild card weekend. Hoyoffs.

Playoffs. Playoffs. We'll be back. That's the show. We're going to win a game. Take care.