Monday Morning Podcast - Thursday Afternoon Monday Podcast 9-29-16

Episode Date: September 29, 2016

Bill rambles about white legs, the NFL and anger issues with special guest Michael Rappaport.

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Visit Genesight.com for more information. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, a Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. I'm just checking in on you. You can hear from the breathing in the background. I usually do not have guests.

That's not something that I do. But every once in a while, I get a maniac in here, somebody who's fucking raring to go. You might recognize this guy from his own fucking podcast. This man can talk about sports. He can talk about the hip hop and the rap. He can talk about the real housewives. He's an actor. He's a director.

He's out of breath. Ladies and gentlemen, he's one of the biggest Boston sports fans I've ever met. Welcome back to the podcast. Your friend in mind, Mr. Michael Rappaport. Glad to be here, Bill Byrne. How are you feeling, man? I wish I could, I had the wordsmanship to paint a picture of what's going on here. Like we're sitting on our couch, your couch here in your crib.

We both have on half sea socks. Half sea socks. I went white. You went black. Shorts. Yeah. Almost similar shorts, but different color coordination. And I mean, it's like, this is, this is a sad fucking sight for sore eyes.

It is. This whip, we're probably two of the most undesirable white men in Hollywood. That's real shit. Maybe in the country. Like if someone came in like Saul, like, what does this look, this is a sad fucking site. You told any woman, you marry a white guy 15 years in. This is what you're going to have. It'd be like, it'd be like the worst thing for white people ever.

Like just across the board, like the, the picture of me and Bill Byrne with half sea socks on. Bill Byrne has, dude, I'm barely covering the ankle. I got on the Chrissy Everts. You got on, you got on, you got on head for, I mean, this is a sorry fucking site, but I'm happy to be on the podcast. I know you requested to come on. You seemed like you had some things that, that you needed to get off your chest.

Now just, just, you know, for people who aren't, aren't in your world or my world, maybe just passing by on the internet. I am from the Boston area and I support, you know, we have four teams. We just need one in each sport to win a championship. You guys in New York need like, what, 15, three, four, three, four. For each sport. For each sport. Yeah.

Absolutely. Exactly. And then when things are. Couple for each borough. Yeah. We'll steal them from Jersey. Yeah. It's, it's, it's not a problem.

I noticed on your computer, you have your, your FaceTime camera covered up. Do you think someone's spying on you? I do that on, I do that on the TV. I do it on everything. I would do it on my phone. No one's looking. You know that no one's like, no one's like, if people were looking, they wouldn't be looking. That's not true.

You think they're looking for you? No. I forget who it was. Somebody with the TV kind of got busted. So what are you doing in here that needs to be covered up? It's like in your general, general like day in and day out because well, that laptop becomes like this own video camera. So what if I'm here?

What if I'm on the couch and all of a sudden my wife comes and we start banging and there's some guy at Yahoo fucking rubbing one out with his lab coat on. I mean, I should at least get some money. Do you think? For an amateur porno. Now you have a beautiful wife. Or if I watch porno, I don't want to say somebody's seeing me going like rubbing one out. But you in a porno, I don't think anyone's going to be able to get what they need.

I'm not me in a porno. Just, just footage of me rubbing one out. I don't need that out there. I don't. I'm trying to go Disney. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you.

I hear you. Um, listen. No, it's all creepy, but they still can like, you know, so you keep the tape on for security measures. I hear. I probably do it too. I hear you. I hear you.

So this is the thing. If that fucking thing, I think in the fucking future, right? Look at, look at how much shit I can store on this fucking. I know. And who the fuck am I? Right? You don't know nothing. I'm just a regular freckled cunt walking down the street.

That's it. Just, just one of many, one of many, one of many special dodge in the sun. That's it. Going from palm tree to palm tree out here. I mean, fuck man. Who's got whiter legs? I do. I got whiter.

You got whiter legs. You're not scared of the sun the way I am. I'm fascinated by that. I was like, yo, I mean, you should be the spokesman. You should have like a sun, like a sun tan, a sun, a sunblock sponsorship. Like you're fucking white and I'm super white, but like you match the wall color in here. I don't go out in the sun. I mean, I'll hike with my dog.

I'll get a little bit of a farmer's freckled tan. Sorry. Did I knock this over? Yeah, she did. Is it broken? No, no, it's fine. Leave it on the floor. Leave it on the floor.

You sure? Yeah. Just leave it on the floor, Mike. You've done quite enough already. All right. Sorry. All right. Well, Bill, listen, let's bring it to the people.

Let's tell the people what happened. I saw you at a, we were at a very big, fancy Hollywood party the other night, but low key. It's like, to me, that party is a low key Hollywood party because it's a private party with a lot of cool, interesting, sort of different, sort of LA show business people. But I've gone to that party three or four times, and actually the last time I actually went out was at this party. I've never been to it. Every time, every year, I'm always on the road.

Right. So I made it this year. Yeah, it's a good party. And I was having a great time, and then you showed up. And this is about 11.45 on a Saturday. And before I even was able to give you five, we were like 20 feet away. You say what to me. Now this is the God's honest truth.

I want to make sure we're on the same page. I was pretty buzzed, but I believe I've said, dude, Bill Belichick. If he wins, or had he already won, he already won, greatest of all time. That's not what you started with. I remember exactly what you said to me, because I was about 25 to 30 feet away. You said, this is before how you doing, Mike, before I, where's your wife, before what's up? I'm good to see you from 25 to 30 feet away.

Three and oh, motherfucker, three and fucking all. And then you went on the Bill Belichick. And then I said to you, and then I said to you, I want them to win. And you said, this is fucking, you're so foolish. That's where you're not right. You're not. I want, I am here to explain this to you, Bill Burr. Okay.

I'm here to correct you when you're done. Go ahead. Check this out. I want them to go four and oh. Okay. And what I really want to happen, but not for any good reason, no, it's like, oh, man, Castle's just as good as top, right? What I want to do with you in there.

You buffalo, wild wing, fucking, let me taste the order and jagged. Let me tell you my point of view. I want them to go four and oh, and then lose the first game back with Tommy. And that will, you guys will be all fucked up. Oh, will we? You'll be all bent out of shape. Then we can sort of create a golf. Then if they look, what if they lost two in a row with Tommy and Garoppolo sit on there?

What does that mean? I'm just saying, that's when Super Bowls, he got to us. Let's stay in the present. I know the Patriots agree. Let's not deal with facts. Let's stay in the present. Let's stay in the present. Let's stay right.

Let's stay in the season. Exactly. If we stay right here in the present. Yes. Three. And we ignore his fucking hall of fame career. Absolutely. And we're like, who is this guy?

Is it Frank Brady? What's his name? Tommy. Tommy Brady. Let's stay in the present, dude. We don't even know this guy's name. Then. Then I could be, who the fuck is this guy they just fucking brought in?

Oh, no, no, no, no. Then I can get to where you're at. Making it seem like I don't think Tom Brady is great. That's what I wanted to do. I come here to tell you, I am going to try to, I'm trying to walk you through this. You're just saying all you want is some Dan Shaughnessy horseshit because that's the only hope you have. You're a Giants fan.

I'm a Giants fan. So what are you worried about? But I'm totally overwhelmed. Honestly. What are you worried about? I asked you this. You kicked our ass twice. I know that.

But I got to be honest with you. You're like one of the only uncool Giants fans I've ever met. Giants fans never talk shit. They don't need to. We don't need to. Yeah, but you do. I like the sadness in you. There's a fucking sadness.

No. I'm trying to say this. I know that this is a heavily Boston, like you're core, core people. You're worldwide. You're fucking worldwide. You went on a comedy tour. You went on a comedy tour worldwide. That's crazy to me.

That's crazy to me because it's like that comedy, I know it happens, but I think I'm so fascinated and respected that comedy can translate worldwide. I know it's all English, but I think that's fucking dope. There's a lot of freckled cunts out there, man. There's a lot of freckled cunts out there. Yes. We're around the globe. But your essence is a Boston fuck.

True? Yes or wrong? Yeah, right or wrong? Don't bury your insult and then try to run away from it. You're a Boston fuck. True? Right or wrong? You just called me a Boston fuck.

You're a Boston fuck. Correct. No, I'm not. You're born and raised in... I'm from the suburbs. But it's all the same shit. I didn't even spend... It is.

You know the only time I was in Boston was when we first met doing The Heat. That was the first and only time I've ever been in Boston. And you know what? Boston thanks you for that. They had enough. They're like, that's all you're going to get. No, dude. This is the thing.

What happened was nobody knew shit about Boston, and then Goodwill Hunting comes out, and then everybody thinks... Do you have anybody from Boston? Anybody from Massachusetts? Is this from Southeast? Are you still cars? Do you like apples? Are you good at math?

It was just a fucking movie, dude. It was just a fucking movie. I always say, ever since that movie came out, I just... New Kids on the Block didn't put you on the map? What do you mean? Like the group, New Kids on the Block. Like New Kids on the Block. A boy band?

Yeah, I'm saying. You guys weren't proud of New Kids on the Block? No, I'm not saying we weren't proud of them. We were happy some local kids made it. But a boy band does not put a city on the map. I'm just saying, they were nasty. You know what? They were big.

Running the table. Fucking every championship with just four teams. But the thing that I want to acknowledge, and I want you to see... I love that you said that you've never been to Boston. I haven't. Only that one time. Can I tell you, that's why whenever you say Boston has this inferiority complex in New York.

In sports. Can I just finish? Please, sir. Okay. In sports. Nobody knows shit about New York and Boston unless you've been there. I remember when I first moved there. This is how little we knew.

Despite how much we hated the Yankees. And it was always just the Yankees. It wasn't really the Jets, Jets. It was none of that whole shit. Right. And even when we lost to the Mets, it wasn't like the fucking... We met him one time. Right.

And it was more... There was no rivalry. It was Bill Buckner. It was Happenstance. And why did you have Calvin Shirai? Wait, wait. You know I'm not a baseball guy. But let me finish.

But let me finish. Let me finish this. Which guy's Bill Buckner? Let me finish this. Let me finish this. All right. Yeah, dude. How can you, like, think that that still bugs me?

I watch that highlight now and I laugh. Which one? The Buckner one. Which one is that? I don't... You know I'm not a baseball guy. Game six. Game six.

I'll walk you through it. Okay. What happened? You and Bill Buckner played for the Red Sox? Yes, he did. Okay. I'm sorry. You know, I know basketball, I know football.

Baseball, I don't know. This is so sad. Okay. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead. Finish. Why are you still giving me shit about that?

No, I'm not. I just wanted... Despite the fact that 0-4 happened and we won three World Series... No, no. I was just trying to get my facts. I can't... Four Super Bowls, a Stanley Cup championship and an NBA championship. You know what you're doing right now?

You're wearing your high school jacket going, remember, 86? I can't... I get confused about baseball. Oh, we're halfway there. Come on, dude. That's fucking... That was... That's 30 years ago, boy.

Stay focused. Stay focused. I finished the story that you were telling me. I am focused. I know exactly what I'm telling you. Go ahead. Go ahead. I just wanted to get clear on Buckner because some people...

You said they might be past... They might not know the reference. They might know the reference, not know the reference. I remember Crazy Legs Johnson fumbled the ball for the Ohio who gives a fuck in 1930. I mean, I'm sure the people who live in the Columbus area are still devastated. Okay. Go ahead. You ready?

Go ahead. I told my... Did you live in New York? I moved there, yeah. And my buddy goes, he says to me, what do you live in New York? And I said, oh, I live on 97th and 3rd. And he just goes, dude, what's with all the numbers down there? Like, why are all the states numbered?

Like, he didn't know fucking anything about it. Like, we don't know anything. Like, that whole inferiority complex... You guys do. ...is now it's manufactured by ESPN. I understand that you want us to. You want us to. Nobody gives a shit about me.

You don't give a shit about New Yorkers. New Yorkers. Listen, listen. You guys all fucking... Even though you've won the Super Bowls, you go down to tad steaks and you get yourself a slice and you do your... Tad steaks and a slice. You do your selfie in Times Square, right?

One of the worst fucking places in America. Absolutely. Absolutely. Every hip-hop video, they're in there like, we made it, the fucking M&M store. Times Square is a fucking mess. But every city must have, like Hollywood Boulevard is the same thing. Yeah, but what do you guys have that's similar? Cheers.

What do you mean, cheers? Yeah, but... And you go... We have like a whole neighborhood. You got cheers. Yeah, because Boston... But you see what I'm saying, though. Yeah, you have a giant, cheesy area.

Yeah, but it's for the betterment of the city. It's called Midtown. But you guys have one street where this happens? Just trying to get a map in my head because I did not spend the most time... I'll get you. Yeah, and everything else is authentic. We don't waste it with all that other shit. I mean, yeah, you can go...

You can put on a Paul Revere hat and walk down the Freedom Trail if you want to. But other than that, it's a bunch of great bars and people can actually talk sports. Good food. Tremendous food. A bunch of characters out there. Everybody's fucking funny up there. There's really not a... In sports, though.

If you weren't into sports, you would actually love Boston. When I was there for the two or three weeks while we were working together, I liked it. Good restaurants, nice people, easy to get around, maneuverable. That's the same thing, but we'll give it to you. You know, maneuverable. You know, like you could take a train. There's the train, right? Yeah, I would have just said good public transportation.

The bus, right? You could take cabs. There's Ubers. I did all of it. You could walk. I walked. I got lost. You were in a city and you took advantage of the transportation available.

I took advantage. It was a good city. It's a good city. But there is that sort of... There is that sort of lesser-than sort of feeling that you guys have won a lot of games. What do you... Like the lesser-than-thing comes out. Oh, my God.

When you guys are three and oh... Dad, you know what you like... Wait, let me finish. I'm the guest. You like that fucking chick who never has a boyfriend and then goes like, you know what? Guys are just intimidated by me. They can't handle my blah-blah-blah and you want to be like, lady, do you ever think that maybe you're kind of a cunt?

No. Oh, that's hilarious. You're walking around like ordering a sandwich and you just felt like as they were making the sandwich that they were sitting there thinking inferior thoughts to New York City. Do you realize that? In sport. That's one of the most self-centered things. You guys aren't a factor anymore.

You guys aren't a factor anymore. It's 1130 and that. You're not a factor anymore. And 1130 and that. Why are you screaming at me? Three and oh. Three and oh. I mean, yelling.

I'll tell you why. Your wife is like, she walked away. Actually, everybody's embarrassed. People are nervous. You got a shaved head. Like people are freaked out. Now look at you. Now you're exaggerating.

I mean, a little bit like three and oh. Like, yo, I'm fucking whacked out of my tree and you're talking to me about three and oh. Like, I'm trying to like, let me shake your hand, Burr. Like that's what I'm saying. Like I know you're three and oh. I know Belichick is fantastic. I know Brady's coming up. I'll tell you right now.

That's what I'm saying. Why about the inferiority complex? No, let me ask. No, it has to do with you. During this three and oh streak, constantly shitting on Tom Brady, constantly shitting. So I was just rubbing in your face. Let me ask you a question. If you walked into that party and we were all in three, you're going to tell me you would

have said hello. That's a good point. That's a good point. That's why I love you because you'll actually fucking you'll go with it if I get you with the good. Now I got to acknowledge your fans because we made a bet that hasn't been dealt with because I've gotten I've gotten a lot of mate to you still owe me a dinner for the NBA finals. No, just one bet.

The NBA finals. You're still low. I know, but I want to acknowledge it because I got your fans a few times a day. Did you fucking pay Bill Bell, Burr Burr, his bet? Have you taken Burr out? This is on Twitter. And you know, I don't mind. I tweet blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but I'm getting like a sense.

I want to acknowledge that it hasn't happened. But would you say it's a scheduling issue? Yeah, I would definitely say it's a scheduling issue. You're traveling. I'm traveling. You're moving. You're grooving. You're overseas.

I'm maneuverable. I'm on buses. I'm on I'm on subways. You were in Greece. No, I was in Ireland. Didn't you tell me you were in Greece, Italy, Italy, yeah. Well, you're on a beach. Well, you're on a beach or like in Rome.

Yeah, but I had a giant umbrella. But I mean, well, like, what was that like? I've never been like, I've been I've been to Rome and I've been to Venice, I've never been to the beaches of Italy. So what was that trip like? The Amalfi Coast, it was beautiful. It's extremely touristy. The food isn't as good as it is when I was in Rome.

When I was in Rome, yeah, when I was in Rome, I couldn't miss. When I was incredible. When I was on the Amalfi Coast, like I had to ask around. I mean, look, I had the best eggplant parmesan I've ever had in my life. When I was there, granted, I didn't order it in Rome. But in Rome, dude, I just couldn't fucking miss in diners and in Rome. People go, you went to Rome, you should go to Florence. You should go to Venice.

You should go to Milan and all the fucking tweets I'm going to get now. Everybody like, you know, anybody in the Internet, whatever you did, everybody. Yeah, you can't just the wrong fucking thing that you know what, you're right. Yeah, it's fucking bullshit. You cannot say Rome, Italy, you fuck, you're an asshole. How dare you? Anything you say. Every single thing you say.

It's literally like you can't unless it's fact checked. But I like it, though, because it's a great like it reminds me. A litmus test. Hey, you just you just can't fucking like I actually had a lot of comics that, you know, I'll run into at this point because I've been doing it so long. I'm the fucking old guy, man. I'm 48 now. So like most of them that I talked to are at least 10 years younger than me, right?

Because, you know, most guys my age at this point are either moguls. So they can substitute teachers, right? Right. There's very few of us still doing comedy clubs. So they'll come up to me and I'll be like, yeah, you know, I just want to say, you know, the other day this comic said blah, blah, blah, blah, and this to me. And I always want to say, like, why the fuck would you listen to some negative cut like that?

But then I always go back to like, oh, because I did. I did when I was where you're at in the fucking business. So right, I kind of that's one thing I do like about Twitter is when I actually read them, like I used to respond like sports things. I'll go back and forth because that's fun. But when there's any of that shit, like I was offended or, you know, there's facts, checking horseshit on my fucking back. Yeah, yeah. All of that.

I'll either laugh or just kind of, you know, glance at it and scroll by it or whatever. But like back in the day, like that shit would like that would bug me. Like if somebody really came at me, it used to really bother me. And I had to develop a whole nother like like, oh, Internet, I need to have the wall up for the Internet. You have to. Yeah, because the first time somebody really got me was back to my space days, you know, and like I had the wall up if I was on stage in a comedy club.

And now I'm just sitting at home meeting a piece of toast. And your guards down and somebody hit me fucking both barrels, dude. I can't even remember what the fuck they said, but I still remember the feeling. I had to go for a walk and I was with Nia and she said to me. She goes, and she basically said, you're going to let that fuck. You shouldn't read those things. Look at this. You just let this fucking guy you don't even know just ruin like an hour of your life. And it still took me an hour to come down.

I was just like, you know what? You're right. This is stupid. So now when I read them, I just I laugh them off. Unless it's sports, sports, I will go back and forth. Yeah, I it's a it's a new frontier with with with with with the with the Twitter. And and and and you know, if you have any sort of public all the way with the Twitter. No, it's fucking crazy, man. You can't say anything. Look, are you on the Facebook? Do you remember my space?

That was like 15, 16 years ago, right? You know, I love there's, you know, when people book a job now, comedians, book a job and then they they jump on your Twitter and then they scroll back. Somebody recently got a job and they scrolled back on this person's Twitter. You know, they've been on Twitter for like five fucking years, 10,000 tweets, two tweets. Oh, about about something they said bad. They didn't even say it bad. It was a joke. Right.

It was a joke. Right. Making fun of themselves. They take it out of context. Right. Blah, blah, blah, blah, it's bullshit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All in those people who do it. It's like, hey, can I listen to your voicemails for the last month? Can I read all your text? They'll go through all of them shits to find, to, and they have to read each and every one

to find one that's not good. God forbid anything good happens to me. But all they're trying to do is it's because it's just it's clickbait and then people will go on it and then all of a sudden like, but what's great is the networks now don't seem to respond to it. No, they don't. Which is great because everybody's got some shit on there. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Mine, mine's horrendous. Mine, mine's horrendous. I think it's better to have a horrendous one rather than like butterflies and flowers and then a couple horrendous ones. Right. Then it's like, what the fuck? But if you're just coming with the mean the whole time, right? Then they're like, yeah, there's nothing.

There's nothing new. Like I don't think with you or me, that should be your apology. I tweet something like that every day. Yeah, what the fuck? Where you been? Yeah, now you care. You know, all of a sudden you're following me. Welcome to the fucking party.

So what's what's up with you, man? So do you finish you? You finish the second season of your show. Yep. Done. Oh, no, we finished writing it. So now it's it's all the punch up and the editing and all that type of stuff. But you didn't do the voiceovers. Like, I know it's not shot because you don't shoot it.

But did you record it? Yeah, it's all recorded. And and and when when when is the second season of of of of it coming out? We're looking like May of next year. It takes that long. Well, it the thing about it was this was our first season. So they had to see how we were going to do. Right.

So now like now that we're doing well and they're liking what second season looks like, we're already talking about the third season. So there won't be as big a gap. So it was one of those. Oh, I see. I only gave me six. Right. And the reason they only gave me six, I think was because when I went to pitch a cartoon at that time, no comedian was doing a cartoon.

Right. I mean, Louis Anderson did one. Right. What's his face? They're, you know, I'll be back to Bill Cosby. They yeah, but they all fuck ever. Like it's not like Holly Mandel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a bunch of people that have done like comedians just as of right now, no one was doing one.

Right. So they were expecting me, I guess, to come in and try to do my version of Louis or my version of Marin. And I just looked at those shows. There's a huge fan going, I'm not going to fucking do this better than them. Right. So I'm going to be like the third string quarterback holding the clipboard. Right.

Like, I'm not going to fucking be better than Louis show. And I'm not going to fucking self examine myself, like tie the podcast in and all that shit. Marin's already doing that. Right. It's just like, I just felt like I didn't see any wiggle room between those two shows. So were those two shows, like because of the success of Louis and because it's a success of Marin, you consciously said,

I need to do a like a cartoon. Like, like, no, I had this idea. I had this idea way back in 09 and I pitched it to Comedy Central and I wanted to do him as five minute vignettes of just crazy shit for my childhood. Right. And they were just like, well, you know, so and so just did a cartoon. It was another comedian.

I'm not going to say his name and it didn't do well. And I want to be like, well, you know, Warner Brothers did one with the bunny and that one did pretty well. Yeah. People don't like animation. So they just kept getting kicked to the curb. Um, and, you know, I had a couple of one camera things. I tried to do something with the always sunny guys, which I still can't believe that one didn't get picked up.

They just weren't getting picked up. So I had this sort of this was the fun one. Right. And I through Steve Byrne, I met Vince Vaughn and Wild West. They liked it. Then they brought on the great Mike Price from the Simpsons. And then it then we pitched it around town. And everybody was looking at us like,

who are these old guys pitching this fucking cartoon from the early 70s? Right. Then we went to adult swim was fucking hilarious. Like the guy we were pitching to, we were all at least like 15 to 20 years old. And then the guy, I don't even think he was alive in 1970. Did he have a tight purple shirt on or a pink shirt? No, no, he was a cool guy.

He was a cool guy. He was just a young guy. So it's just kind of like it would be like if me in the 80s or the early 90s, if someone came in, he would say, OK, the show takes place in 1961. Do you remember when blah, blah, blah? We were talking about the one they used to spray from mosquitoes and all that, which is funny. Now that's coming back with whatever that fucking virus is.

Is it E. Coli? No, not E. Coli. Ezekiel Bred. Ezekiel. What is it? What is it called? Zika. Zika. Ezekiel Elliott. Zika, Zika, Jumbo Elliott. Anyways, so yeah. So just kind of came by like that. So then nobody picked it up and then Vince was the guy who said,

well, let's just let's let's let's go to Netflix. Dude, he was in the pitch meetings. That's cool. Well, dude, that's why I got sold. Because if I just went over to Netflix, like, I'm a fucking no-name comic, want to do a cartoon, they'd be like, yeah, go fuck yourself. That's cool. But I think they were thinking, go fuck yourself.

And then they looked to the left and like, that's an A-list movie star. And he believes in this. So then I think they would just like, we'll give you six. Right. We'll give you six. Right. We'll see how they do. And then fortunately for us, while we were doing that, Bojack Horseman came out and it blew up. Right. That one did well, right?

Yeah, it's doing great. So who's show is that? That's Aaron Paul. Oh, right. Right, right, right. I met the guy the other day in one of those things. A great guy, too. My apologies. So many fucking people in this business. There's so many fucking people.

But they, I love, you know, my favorite part of Bojack Horseman. This is so fucking nuts. I love his house. I haven't seen his house. It's the shit. Is it? It's he's got the view. He's got the fucking pool. I got to watch it.

It's just like, I let every time I watch that show, as much as I love all this shit. Like, dude, he's like this, you know, former sitcom star, you know, he did like a like a too close for comfort kind of show. And he's passed his fucking prime. He's trying to get his career going again. He does Coke and like, but what I love is he has no shame. And this is animated. Yeah. What I love is he watches old episodes of his show

and has no shame and looks at him how great they are. Right. Dude. And he just goes around. That's fucking funny. Yeah. And like, you see, like some sometimes I could go out to like a restaurant or something, a Hollywood restaurant. You're kind of like, oh, that kind of seems like that place. Right. Like, you know, those referencing places.

That's cool. But dude, you watch it because they have it in the opening, the opening credits of the shit. And I fucking love his house. I got to check that show out. If Bojack's horse horseman's house went went up for sale. I would I would definitely I would go to the open house. The action just to see what's going on. I mean, that bullshit like you could afford it.

How many? How many? How many episodes are you doing in the second season? 10. You did 10. And then what about third season 10? 10. Are you is it a fucking grind to do this shit? Yeah. Sometimes it is. It's it's more like it's it's it's one of those things

when it's when it's going good, right? It's it seems like easy. You know, it's some of the most fun. Like we're in the writer's room and somebody comes up with something cool and everybody's pitching on it. We're all laughing our ass off and, you know, it's Netflix. So it's not like you got to worry. You just go ahead, put it in.

Right. But when when it's not working and all those industry words start coming out, this isn't tracking. I don't think we earned this. Right. This isn't our show. Right. This isn't the tone. This isn't our in our palate. Right. And all of that shit.

When that starts coming out and then it's already like fucking, you know, late in the day and you're going to stay late and then you're going to come back. I'll tell you one thing I've really I always had respectful, but I really have way, way, way more respect. Now for is like nobody works harder than showrunners probably worked the hardest and then writers. Yeah. And dude, listen to writers, man.

They fucking tell these horror stories like of of like comedians. All you tell the stories, the stories you bought. Yeah. They tell the stories. It's like, dude, when you get a showrunner who's unhappily married or just doesn't like his or her life, it's just like you're never going home because they're on top. They don't want to leave. They don't want to leave.

They're waiting for their wife or showrunner to go to sleep. That's the boss. Yeah. And they'll just keep going over it and over it. And they'll come up with shit to do, do. And these fucking people will stay there till two in the morning. They're literally like, I used to know this guy a long time ago and he was unhappily married and he used to tell us a hilarious story, how he would go out drinking and then he would drive past his house.

And if the light was still on, he would keep driving. Fuck. Jesus Christ. I was already afraid enough. That was Anthony Kumi who told that story. I was already afraid of afraid enough to get married. And then he told that story. And I don't know what it was. It was so vivid.

For some reason, I pictured one of the houses that I grew up in. Whenever I pictured him telling that story, it's me. And I'm driving by looking at what was the family room living. A silhouette of them waking up. Yeah, just like, you know, that's one of those things where it's just like, Jesus Christ, at some point, you got to be like a beer. Fuck it. When I had my first son, I was so sleep deprived.

I would leave the house to sleep in my car on the street. Like I'd park my car in a shady thing and I had a big navigator and I literally would like I'd have like a little pillow or like a sweatshirt. And I would just tell your wife he had somewhere. I got shit to do. I got a meeting or whatever. And I probably most likely would. But then I would fucking or I'd leave three hours early or, you know,

like my meeting would be a 10 and I'd come home just to sleep in the car because I was the first kid I had. Yo, I was I couldn't see straight. You know, it's like, it's like, um, are you are you one of those guys that doesn't do well unless it gets eight hours? Yeah, well, I'm better now because having kids will break you from whatever habits you think you have as far as sleep. You will be broken like what you think you need eight hours.

You know, like now the kids kids are older, so they they sleep like teenagers. So but when when they were younger, that that that first year, year and a half, two years, yo, it's it's like a shock to the system for real. And especially if you have a kid that's not a big like a sleeper, especially if you're in this business, too, we have, you know, you you have you know, it's weird, like the amount of free time we have, but so much of that is like panic of when am I going to get right next thing? Right. So it's not enjoyable.

No, it's not enjoyable at all. Yeah. You do nothing. I go, I'm fucking walking around worried. Like you see me out and you think I'm doing nothing. All I'm doing is like staying, trying to find, like make sure I'm near a bathroom so I don't, you know, like shit myself and like waiting for the phone ring. Like, no, that's what they some guys say that a long time ago. So anybody in this business is a professional job hunter.

It's just like, you're never, you never, you never can be like, you can never rest easy. I don't think I've ever met anybody that said, you know what? I made it Leonardo. He he's good when it's it's money. It's all money. He never got married. He never he's the pain in terms of like, you know, man, shit, never got married. Does his shit. He's the jeter.

He's the jeter of of of actors. Period. And also you'd be hard pressed to find anybody that has anything bad to say about him. Like like Derek Cheeter. Yeah. But you know, like when you go to a set, you work with like, and he's working on big movies, like, you know, 20, 30 movies, however many movies. So it's like hundreds of people that he's come across.

And then there's fans and then there's the hundreds of women. You don't hear anybody going, that cock sucker, this or he worked with me on this. He just no, he's cool. No, but he knows how to he knows how to handle. I met him one time, right? He's chill. This is the funniest shit ever. You know, he's standing there. Of course, everyone wants to talk to him.

And the guy was what's goes, Hey, you want to meet the guy? I was like, I don't want to bug him. He's not going to meet him. So I fucking go over there and he goes, Hey, Leo, this is this is Bill Burr. He's a standup comedian. And they just he just nodded. He goes, he goes, what did he say? He goes, he goes, I'm familiar with this work. Or he goes, all right, I've seen his work and just nodded like that.

Right. It was perfect. He knows. No, he didn't say it was good. He didn't say it was bad. And I could totally tell by the way he said that was just, I don't need another freckled jackass trying to say hello to me. And I just went like, Oh, hey, man. And I just walked away. And I was just like, he handled that perfectly.

Perfect. Can you imagine? I've seen his work. That's it. And he may or may not have seen the work. You never know. But you walk away. Go you walk away feeling good about the best rapid upskills. That was on a whole other level. Yeah. I walked away. I felt good. I met the guy. Right.

We had zero conversation other. I just sort of waived. But it's a memorable thing. Yes. That's some that's some high level shit. That's ninth degree black belt public figure. Period. That's like some presidential, like, you know, like running country shit. Like what's that martial art where they use your energy? No, a keto where they'll use your energy.

And next thing you know, like you want to kick him and then the force you use to kick the person, you go flying into the wall. That's what he did to me. Use it all against you. I'm familiar with this work. It is not it. It was gracious with eye contact. The blue eyes were big. He gave you quick, quick eye contact.

You still don't know. You're still trying to remember. Imagine that on a girl, like you just all fucked up in the game. That's sort of like elegance. You don't know like elegance. That's just like it's sort of elegance. But I don't think that word has ever been used in this podcast. Thank you for bringing that in.

It's special. The Dicaprio has that shit. I mean, like, you know, you think about, like, you know, the amount of people that he comes across on a daily basis. Just think of like he's in New York. Just think about Leonardo on a on a on a on a fall day in New York. Like I picture his life Grand Central Station five o'clock in the afternoon, you're late for a train and everybody in there knows you and wants to say hello.

And you got to get from the door to and make the fucking train that is starting to pull out. He's not going to make it. He could make it. He can make it because he's got it figured out. He would do and everyone would feel good and they would part and he would just go right through. It's the elegance.

It's the elegance of Leonardo Dicaprio. That should be that should be his autobiography. The unauthorized autobiography. No, but he couldn't he couldn't divulge his secrets and everybody would know what the fuck he was doing. But what you said about the Akito is fucking totally right. I came home and told my wife that and I was it wasn't even like I was the excitement of meeting him was outshined by how he handled me.

Yeah, it was fucking perfect. That's like some Obama shit. Like that's presidential shit, you know what I mean? Because people are like they're like bugging. You know, I saw him completely blew me off and I was so fine with it. It was awesome. It was it was perfect. It was it was a work of art. How do we get on Leonardo was elegant.

I don't know. Maybe I'm Tom Brady. You're a good looking fellow. Tom. No, I see. Who? How do we get on fucking Leonardo Dicaprio? I don't even know. We were talking about job hundreds. Right. Job hunters. Oh, having it all figured out ever make it.

You can't go back ever making it ever making it. Once you go backwards, then it just becomes radio silence. No, the people are going to be good. They're hanging on the edge of the seat. They want to see, you know, like I think a lot of them are laying down right now. Maybe driving. What do you what do people do? Like, well, listen, the majority of the podcast listeners of the airplane flights,

going to the gym, going for a run in the car, listen on the train, a lot of commuters. Yes. So then we end up making them laugh. And then people look at them like they're fucking idiots. I get a lot of I get a lot of tweets like that. I was on the train laughing, crazy, hysterically when you said this, this or this or whatever. Yeah, that always makes I always makes me feel good. How long have you been doing this? June podcasting.

June or July of 2007. I'll say this again. Bill Burr inspired me to do my own podcast because the first time I went on your podcast, the first time when we made podcast history, I had never been on a podcast. And I was like, what the fuck did you did you have an inferiority complex? No, I didn't even know I just it was sort of just sort of it was just sort of brewing and and and doing it. So your man who has a lot of things to say.

How the fuck did you get into the whole real housewives and then get on to the Andy Cohen show? I'm going to tell you Andy Cohen show. That is the Sports Center Sports Center for women. Yes, for and gay men and me and I have to say this. It's one of the most the brilliance of that show. Brilliant. I'll tell you what it is. Is how of Cohen or the housewives in general of him doing the show

because all he has to do is just stir it up a little bit and then sit back and they're going to fill out all he just goes. He'll just be like so Mandy in episode two. Yes, you were going through this, this and this. And then Karen said that the reason you can't get a man is because and then he just fucking sits back and they go out and it's the most brilliant show I've seen since when Byron Allen used to do comics Unleashed. And this is the brilliance.

He produced not that's incredible. No, he produced the show, right? It was he owned the fucking show and syndicated it. OK, he doesn't have to have any writers because comedians would come in with their own bits and then he knew what bits you were doing. So all he had to do is just sit there and be like, so Michael. Have you ever been to a next game?

And then you just go as a matter of fact, I have. And you just go to your bed and then he just sits back as you eat up that fucking time with your own fucking comedy. And then he would go over there. So Judy, counting the money in his head, fucking brilliant. That guy is the king of finding the show. Yeah, where no one sees the show. But they but it stays on the air.

Remember, remember coming up next? Yeah, I'm an up next. He took press junk. It's like this is a fucking show. Yeah. And he was like before TMZ. He was doing that shit and it was going. I'll bet you Byron Allen. Have you ever interviewed him?

No, I've met him a few times, but that guy is a fucking genius. And he has like three quarters of money and nobody even knows. I was just going to say that motherfucker is probably so fucking. He made it. Yeah, absolutely. He's probably like you like you think I'm a fucking joke. And that motherfucker was doing that owning and ownership. And he came in on on that's incredible.

That's incredible. Where he was not even the star. He was like the fourth 19. Yeah, like the fourth banana. He was a kid. He was like straight out of the fucking business. Yes. Yeah. I like all of those.

Yeah, I think he's good. Oh, so the Housewives, he's not getting one cent residual checks. No, he ain't getting them shit. I just got one the other day for forty seven cents. We have this this game. You and me, Al Madrigal sends it to me. So it's almost like a game of poker where you just take a picture of your residual check to going all the way down.

You, you and Al Madrigal, the two people I know that actually got literally got a one cent one cent residual from I don't even know what it was. But I cashed the shit. They used to be. They used to be. I did. Fuck that. I was like, I did something that I either liked or didn't like

to get this one cent. And it's never coming in. This is the bottom. That this residual, this cycle, however those things get, get to you. Yeah. I never understand how they get to you. But this one, I don't get so is the money all goes to somebody else. And then they have this algorithm on how it works up.

The first time they pay you the second time, it's half that. And then it's, you're just a thousand feet of water. And then a one cents will come in. And if you get a thousand dollar gig, then you get a residual for 666. Something like that. And then 332. No, no, no. It goes 666 down to like $3.32.

It doesn't that big of a jump? I feel it does. I don't know. I, because whatever, that's not the point. The point is about housewife. This is how I got into housewives. My girl, your lady, my lady, she, she, she would watch housewives on Sundays and a few seasons ago, I don't remember what happened.

A few seasons ago, Sunday during football season, something went bad for me. So normally I'd be downstairs watching the late game, the Sunday night football game. And by the time I got up there, the housewife shit would be over. So what something happened where something happened with my team or the game, something was bad and a mother fuck this game. And I went upstairs early and I was like, you know, she's like, what the fuck are you doing up here? I was like, oh, she's, well, don't come up here with your bullshit.

I don't want to watch a fucking game. I'll watch this shit with you. And I swear to God, Bill, I don't know if you watch housewives or not. But I was like, first of all, I was an actor and I'm not like, Oh, as an actor, I'm a people watcher. But I was like, so fascinated by the behavior. I was like, yo, you, you, every actor should be watching this. Every actor should 150% be watching because it's mainly women.

But I was just fascinated that these people are for real. They have cameras on them and, you know, people think it's fake. You Marlon Brando on his best day, Meryl Streep on his best day, couldn't do some of the shit that I see on these housewives show. So I just fell in love with that. I was just like, yo, this is fucking nuts. And I was like, who's this one? And she was telling me all the stories and I was like, this is fucking crazy.

And no bullshit. I will put this shit up against it. What is the name of the show? You just met the Aaron Paul show. Bojack Horseman. Bojack Horseman, which sounds dope. Fucking breaking bad. Bill Burr was on Breaking Bad, blah, blah.

I swear on my, on my kids feet that a great episode of Real Housewife, I will put it up there with the best of the Sopranos. I'm not saying it's better, but as far as the entertainment value of a great episode of Real Housewife, it's the same fucking thing. No, and you're looking at me like, no, no, no, no. I, I understand if you're looking at it as far as like ideas for characters, just entertain pure entertainment, like pure entertainment. One of, I saw a long time ago on, on one of those bounty hunter shows.

Right? This guy did the greatest delivery of this, of a line where he, he, his wife came running up to him, accusing him of something. So he started off going like, I wasn't. And then he got mad and said, I wasn't again. And then he was like, then he immediately did the math in his head. Like, don't get mad. So he went like that.

She came out like, what the fuck? He blah, blah. And he goes, he goes, I wasn't, I wasn't. I wasn't. And he did like this free fucking thing. You can't. And I was just, and I, I remember watching that. I did say to Nia.

I was like, dude, if any actor ever did that with on a, on a page, well, you're, you're working for another 20 years. That's it. You're, you're great. So, so it's not like I sit there and watch it as an, as an actor. It's not like I'm studying it. But that's what I was like, yo, this is fucking wild. Like, yo, this, and I was like asking her questions.

And I was like, this is how they act. This is for real. She goes, yeah, this is for real. And this one's that one. I was like, they're, they're dead serious arguing. Like they're crying. I was like, people can't do that. Fucking Meryl Streep can't cry like a lunatic whenever she wants.

Aren't she, on her best day, she couldn't do that shit. So I just, I fell in love with it. And believe me, I sit there and watch it with shame. But I also know that this is as good as TV on any channel. I'm telling you, I put up there with, I am telling you in terms of what you get in terms of like, when you watch a great episode of whatever show you're into, it doesn't matter. Whatever show people have an affection for.

It could be CSI LA, but when you turn off the channel, when you turn the show off, when it ends, literally, you're looking at me like I'm nuts. When a good episode of Real Housewives ends, we clap at the fucking TV. I'm like, I'm at a fucking Broadway show. You lost me there. I'm with you with the character stuff and the crying and all that shit.

But like, you know, if you can just fucking sit there and act like, you know, it's better than an episode of The Sopranos. I'm not saying it's better. I'm saying it gives you the same feel, the entertainment value. I don't. I get depressed when I watch it. And I come home and I feel like I fucking live with them after a while

and they're never in a good mood. And all they do is scream and yell at each other. And I have no problem with that. Close my mind as much. They were screaming and yelling at each other here. Yeah, but it's, but we're having fun though. That's true. And I'm not saying that really hurtful shit.

Right. I'm not saying like this really hurtful shit to you that I mean. Right, right. You know, and then we have like this big fucking falling out. And like, and I walk off the set like, and then like, you know, someone stops you doing like, I know I'm not going to record anymore with Bill. He said that about me.

No, I get what you're saying. But like what kills me is my wife is a feminist. Does she love it? Yes. And it just like, I go like this shows women in such a bad light that all they want to do is go around get these fucking stupid ass shoes. And I and just screaming yell at each other. But she goes, look, I just watch it because sometimes I don't feel like thinking

because she also will watch some other shit, but she mainly watches that stuff. She's not telling you the truth about the thinking. She's engaged. She's she is thinking when she's watching. I can't read your wife's mind. But I tell you, I know, I've had conversations with your wife about it. I've had conversations.

We've discussed it. She loves it. Like, I don't know. You know, it makes me sad is is watching these women in their 40s and 50s trying to dress. That's crazy. 22. It's like you look at it.

If you look at it, they're exhausted. Yes. Yes. It's just like you're going to use the word you're in your elegant years. Yes. I agree. Like there's a guy. I'm in my sport coat years.

I agree. I hear you. No more tank tops for me. I hear you. Unless I'm cleaning out the garage and I know no one in the general public is going to see my fucking flabby ghost white arms. I hear you. I hear you.

But like watching them that I don't wear in forever 21. I don't like that shit because so many of them. They're really like attractive. Yeah. I mean, what the boat talks about. But they're fucking done up. It's like the Oscars on a Tuesday for coffee. Oh, yeah.

It's insane. And then the one with the little fucking pug nose. She's out of her fucking mind. Which one are you talking about? I don't even know. You don't even know. What show are you even talking about? Like you don't even know.

There's one where the pug nose on every show. No. It's like it looks literally looks like, you know, back when you had a train set and there was a tunnel in and the tunnel out. That's what her nose looks like the whole upside down you and the whole thing. Like you can see both sides. Yeah. We won't name names because we don't like, you know.

No. But then you fucking watch it and like they're screaming and yelling each other. I get it. The only time I'll get into it is the Jersey one I like because the guys are funny. Yeah. They're good. The Gorgug. The Gorgug, you know, I falsified some loans.

Watching them, I guess I need to look at the papers more like that type of sociopath behavior. Yeah. Where it's like, it's like, dude, you're busted. Yeah. It's out in the open. Yeah. They don't know that you did it. Yes.

But the thing around signing shit and you don't know what it is. You're talking about Real House in New Jersey. But the thing for me, when I keep watching, they went to jail. And then the reality, like you see like this family, like I'm saying as far as, I hate to say entertainment, but that's what it is. Like you follow the story like it's fucking Dallas or not landing. Once their kids were crying that the dad was going, I couldn't watch it anymore. Because it was too painful.

I don't want to see that shit. Because it hit the heart, right? But you see what I'm saying? If you're watching. No, but there's also that other element of like, why the fuck are you airing this? Why didn't you just quit the show? Why would you put your kids on TV? They don't have the choice.

I get it. I get it. But but I am all in straight up. Do you watch the Kardashians? My not not as not as religious. My girl watches it. So we I watch it, but it's not like I have to watch it. That's the worst.

That's a fucking because they don't have any problems. No. And they just keep going. Problem is, is I left my fucking $30,000 bag in the other jet. Literally $30,000 bag. How am I going to get that over here? And now they throw the brother on there. And the brother who I've met, I've come across him like, you know,

it like celebrity shit in basketball games. You're famous guy, man. Yeah. So I know Rob Kardashian, you know, like I know people like that. Rob Kardashian. I've never, you know, all the big Hollywood parties. But he's on a show now. And I'm thinking like, you know, he's he's a fragile dude.

Like that dude does not look like he should be on a reality show. And they're like, just keep going. And you know, you're like, this dude shouldn't be on a reality show. And look what they did to poor fucking Lamar Odom. They fucking put him down into the ground. Who did fucking? She was he was he was married to what's her name. And like every guy that they come across that they don't fuck with,

it's like they get a curse on them. The other one, Scott Disick. You watch the shows? No. You don't watch them at all? Does Nia watch them? Why am I doing a podcast? I should be doing a podcast with your wife.

Because this is funny to me. This is. Get Nia out here to fuck. I want to find something. It's like after football and sports. It's like, I want to have somebody to talk to. But I like the shows. But my housewives are my shit.

And I find it fascinating. It's I know, trust me, Bill. A lot of actors also like they feel guilty when they watch them because they feel like these should be scripted shows. And I'm contributing to this. But I don't think that's a problem at this point. There's enough fucking scripted shows for everybody to have a job. I agree.

I agree. I agree. You know, at first I resent the reality shows, but now I think, you know, they're fine. And I think, well, let's let's get it back on track. The Patriots are playing the Buffalo Bills next week. Now, Julian Edelman. This is this is a hint that, you know, Garoppolo might come back.

Yeah. He might be back. Did you see what the Patriots are doing? Other teams are doing it too. What? But of course, they just bring up the Patriots. With the receivers? It's not cheating, but it's fucking brilliant.

What? What are they doing? Why'd you preface it by saying that it's not cheating? I didn't say it was cheating. Because they present it like it was. Okay. What was it? So this is new rule that when you when you kick the ball out,

you kick the ball in the end. So if the guy catches the ball, if he takes a knee, rather than going to the 20 all these years, now it goes to the 25. So they gave him that extra five yards because they're trying to avoid the collisions. Yes. So you just given him the fucking 25 yard yard line, which is a fucking that is a that is a fucking like,

what would you say on a on a grade like a B plus return a minus. Yeah. Like an A return is is is anything 25 yard line. We you if you kick it in the end zone and the guy downs it, it's a 25 yard line. I didn't fucking know that. It's a new rule. It's a new rule this season.

Yep. So this is the thing. If you take a fucking personal, because like that's what I was saying, because this guy I finally looked it up because I saw somebody take a personal foul on the other team. And it's like, that's a 15 yard penalty first down. I'm like, all right, they're on the 35 and they were on the 40. And I was like, what the fuck?

So here's it. So what the Patriots are doing is like on certain situations that they they they just boot it up in the air. So it lands on like the half yard line, the three yard line or just into the end zone to entice these people to run it out. Right. So they can stop them before the 25. And we've got two fumbles doing that against the Texans.

Right. And it's just one of those fucking things where it's just like Belichick was like, OK, that's the fucking rule. Where can we get our advantage? And he's one of those smart though. Exactly. And that's half of his shit. Yo, I talk people hate.

He's a motherfucker, man. It is. And you know, I'll be honest with you. I, you know, like you think that I don't want to see them do good. No bullshit. I would love just to see just for the accomplishment of it. If, if, if, if Edelman doesn't mean if Edelman does play, let's say, uh, um, Bressette, is that the other Bressette and Garoppolo, um, can't play.

And fucking Julian Edelman plays quarterback and they somehow win an NFL football game. They should just stop playing the game like this season. Because to me, that would not get crazy. I mean, we haven't played like the greatest. It doesn't. It doesn't. If you could win a football game with Julian Edelman as your starting quarterback, I don't give a fuck who you're playing.

For real. And that's, that's, that's an exaggeration with, with, with one week preparation, the Julian Edelman to be, I mean, he's not even, you know, that, that would be crazy. Verse. But wouldn't you agree to play Buffalo, right? Would you agree though? Yeah. That's going to be the toughest game because, uh, in Buffalo.

Yeah. Cause Rex Ryan is, is a great coach. And he's smart too. Defensive mind. Yeah. And he, and he has a hard on force and his lifetime record against Belichick is, I think it's maybe a couple of games under 500. He takes it personal.

He, he, and when he was with the jet every year, we fucking went, it was like, we won, then they won, then they won, then they won. And now he's got his brother there. And they're, you know, they're smoking fucking weed because the brother, it's Rex. And what's Ryan? Well, I mean, what's the other? Rex Ryan.

And what's the brother's name? The one who looks like fucking the dude. Like he runs a tilted world. Yo, that fucking guy, right, like, right. I mean, he, he, those guys are gotta be. No, they're great. They're great. So I mean, I was not happy when Rex got fired.

I don't like seeing people get fired, but like, I knew he was going to catch on somewhere else, but when he was still in our division, I'm like, fuck, I still got to see this guy twice a year. But he makes it fun though. He makes it like to me, like that guy, like I always, he definitely makes it fun. But my thing is I don't like a guy who talks shit when he has a good team and then clams up when he has a bad team.

But he's still talking shit. Like that's the whole thing. Like he's not, not, not the way when he was with the jet. No, he dialed it back, but he's way back. But he's still like, I saw this whole thing on him the way he talks to his team. And, and all like the, you know, Ray Lewis and all them were like, what the fuck is he like? We don't need that pep talk.

Like he's talking like it's a high school team. You know, he's still like, we got to get out there and kick their fucking asses. It's the buffalo. Ray Lewis, Ray Lewis never needed a pep talk. A professional football. Somebody else probably does. Ray, Ray doesn't. For game three in the NFL season.

You're, it's not like it's. I love Ray Lewis. One time they did, I was, I think I told the story. One of those outside the lines with Bob Lee or something on ESPN and he was, and they had this intense music and he was fucking talking about how, you know, his dad wasn't in his, in his life at that time. So when he went to high school, he just, he just went on a fucking tail. His dad owned all the records and he broke all the fucking records.

Oh, the football records. Every time I looked up in the stands and he wasn't up there and made me go even harder. Dude, this, the dude was so fucking inspirational. I went to the gym like every day for fucking like three weeks after that. Because every time I didn't want to go, I just kept thinking, well, Ray, Ray Lewis would go. Right. Ray Lewis is going to the gym. I got the same thing from watching the Kobe doc.

Did you see the Kobe doc? No, dude, you know, I'm a Celtics fan. I can't watch anything pro Lakers. Now I could watch it because he's out of the fucking league. You should watch it. If you want like that kind of like, I want to work out like psycho. Like he's a fucking, like, Oh, he's a maniac.

I just wish he fucking passed the ball more. Yeah. That was my big fucking thing. I actually think that they would have won a couple more if he did. Absolutely. I think that if he had it together, I think if he had, I can say that they have never played the game on any sort of professional level. But you know, the, you know, the key to it.

I'm going to say he would have won two more. Two more. I won't tell you what years. Right. And I won't even tell you why I'm just going to say that. You're just going to go out on the record and say that, but, but then you want some water, dude? No, I'm good.

You're just going to chomp ice into the microphone. I want you to finish what you were saying about the Patriots, because I want to hear what you, you're, you're, first of all, that you know about. Okay. What I was going to say, what I was going to say is, I know you, well, look, I've watched enough football to know that winning three, four games in September is not even,

doesn't even 10% equal up to winning game one of the playoffs in January. Of course. Okay. Because you're going to run. But it's better than losing three games in the September, but you're going to run to a fucking teams that are rebuilding. You're going to run, run with teams that have bad ownership, that have a bad coach, some people that have lost the fucking locker room.

Like you'll get, you'll get those games. You're going to get those games. Like anybody can fucking at these days with all these fucking rules can throw 300 for 300 yards. Yes. Between September. Yes. And I would say mid November.

But then when it really starts tightening up, but also depends on what you play. Comes January. Okay. When it's one and done, if you fucking lose, like all of a sudden, like, you know, you're not, not like each week, it gets harder and harder and harder. Yes.

The ownership, the coaches, the players, everything gets better and better and better. They start tightening up the, tightening up the bikes. Exactly. Exactly. It's like one of those fucking muscle bound guys. They stopped drinking water and just, there's no, no fat.

But I don't, what they did to fucking the Texans, the Texans have one of the best defenses and they, it was a joke. I mean, they, they, they kicked their ass. Well, that's, that comes down to like, you got to understand what you're dealing with with the Patriots is you have a top three owner all time. I already think, no, maybe that's not, he has to be.

That's disrespectful to like, cause you, dude, you got to go George Hallis. There's a lot of great ones. But he has, he has to be. I love that you just don't give a fucking, you're going to chomp that ice right into the microphone. No, people know. People know, people don't care.

Can I, I'm going to use that next time Mia gives me shit for doing something within my mind. People know they don't care. Like, dude, his fucking, his three coaching hires have been Bill Parcell's Pete Carroll, Bill Belichick. His two quarterbacks have been Drew Bledsoe, Tom Brady. Is that it? That's it.

Damn, that's fucking good luck too, man. That is good luck. But the fact that Brady's able to play this long is good luck. Well, somebody told me they know a guy that knows a guy that knows him and it's like, that guy literally knows what he's having for lunch like three years from now. I'm sure he's probably like,

he's like a closet Kobe. He's a fucking lunatic. You have to be. You have to be. But also it's luck too. Which is what's funny to me. The injuries are luck. But not any injuries.

You know what's luck? Is that he got to play for Bill Belichick. Absolutely. The whole thing was perfect. The same way Joe Montana was lucky that he got to play for fucking Bill Walsh. Yes. And I would say Dan Marino was unlucky

to play with Don Shula when he was towards the end of his career. I agree. Because the game had changed. And when Bill Walsh came in with the West Coast offense and all that and that fucking guy for as much shit as he gets, look up his running backs.

Right. That he had, that guy never had a running game. Right. Never had a fucking running game. He never really had a Jerry. He had Dupre and Clayton, Nat Moore. Right. But he never had like a Randy Moss.

Right. Level fucking guy. And like, you know, his defense was the Killer B's. Yeah. They had like the last two like white cornerbacks ever. Ever. Yeah.

It was like the Black Lidge or Blackwood brothers. Yes. Lyle and Kyle and some shit. 00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:12,920 You remember that? Yeah, that was. A.J. Dewey. Bob Couchenberg.

Yes, yes, yes. Dude, it looked like the 72 team, the amount of fucking white dudes that were on that thing. Yeah. No disrespect to any of those guys, but what the fuck? No, it's different.

The shit that that guy was going up against. Absolutely. It was like, was he supposed to tackle people too? Right. I mean, that guy, like the amount of rule changes that they had to make in the NFL for his fucking like 84 season record fall.

Crazy. And he did that back when I think you could, by 84, you could still wear a stick them. I know that it was, it was as far as like covering receivers. What was my man's name on? Lester Hayes. Lester fucking Hayes.

And I think it was. Where is Lester Hayes? Why don't you get him on the podcast? Lester Hayes? Because I figure he's busy. Doing something. He's one of the greats. He's stuck to something.

Yeah. But I think, you know, and that was still like the Mel Blunt rules as far as coverage and all of that. Yeah. What they've done is, I mean, they say some of it's for safety. I think most of it,

I mean, it's always about money. Even if they say it's about safety, it's not because they give a fuck about the players. It's because they don't want to deal with another class action lawsuit. Right. And then also they know that offense, offense sells.

Like, here's the deal, dude. You and I, do you watch fucking soccer? No. Let's say each game was like 10 to 8. I would watch it. You have more appeal to watch it. Because I don't understand the game. 90 minutes and it's 1-0.

Get the fuck out of here. The last goal might come in the last minute. But if you go into a football bar, what they really call it, or if you're over in England and they're watching the Premier League and people are fucking into this shit, I always say when I stand there,

it's like, I just need to live in this country for about three weeks. And I would have a team, and I would have a scarf, and I would be learning the songs. I know that that's true. But the thing is, we already got our four. It's cultural.

I still watch a little bit of tennis. Right. I watch the golf. I got into Formula One racing. Like, I'm kind of all over the place, man. You watch that shit? Formula One racing? Yeah, I love it.

And you're talking to me about housewives? You watch fucking cars? Because zoom, zoom. Well, it's not like NASCAR where they just drive around in a giant circle. There's like left and right turns. There's all kinds of shit. And then you know what I also love?

It's sort of like the Illuminati Sport. You know what I mean? Like yachting is fucking, it's like you have to know how to sail to see what the fuck's going on there. Right. But that shit is just like, like, I remember the first race that I watched this year,

I kind of watched it every year as the one in Monaco. I know nothing. You're like, hey, I'm supposed to be like, yeah, okay. I don't know what the fuck that is. Oh, in France, you know Monaco? Yeah, I know Monaco. I have actually never been to France, believe it or not.

Never been to France? Never. They won't let me in Paris, the motherfucker. You never went to Cannes or anything like that? I never went to Cannes, never been to Paris. It's, I need to go. You gotta go. I know.

I know. You went, I'll tell you right now, you bring your fucking wife there over. And you know what's great, dude? You can throw it in that fucking face for a while. Right. You can, that'll work for you for about a year, year and a half? No, it's a woman, dude.

It's about six weeks. Okay. It's a great six weeks. Paris. France, the whole thing? You just take into Paris and it just, this is what I do. Like, I don't look at her when I say it.

I just sort of stare out the window and just talk to myself. Like, hey, you think if you brought somebody to Paris. Right. You'd be good for at least three days. Cool them off for a little bit. And then she always laughs and goes, you don't take me to Paris to throw it in my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.

Yeah. I don't 100% do that. But like, if you think that you're going to go to Paris and then come back here and fucking call me on my shit. You're not going to hear about it? No, no. I should be allowed to go off the rails. Yeah.

I should be able to have a nice drinking habit. Yeah. Text her a picture of weeks, which he said, what are you doing? Like a text or a picture of like, you were kissing under the Eiffel Tower. Remember this? You want to fucking break my balls?

No, you don't want to. I got this picture. I got it in my phone of Rihanna and she's courtside at a basketball game. And she's like looking up at the the scoreboard. I don't know if she needs glasses, but you know when people need glasses, they're making that thing. It's perfect the way she's looking.

So whenever Nia texts me something and I don't want to do it, I just send her that picture and it looks like Rihanna is like looking up at it. Like, what the fuck is that? Always makes her laugh. And I swear to God, like 40% of the time, I get out at whatever the hell she wants me to do. Do you do you find, because I know I do, like arguing as I used to be an arguer.

A fucking no. You? No more. You seem so easy going. Yeah, I know. I'm in shocker, right? But in relationships, I don't argue no more. Like I'm done.

I don't there's what am I there's because not arm wrestling. When I figured out there's no actual winning and no actual losing. Yeah, there is. No, there isn't. There isn't. There is. On certain things. On certain things.

There's certain certain behavior. 99% of certain behavior. Yes. But 99% of the arguments you have in a relationship with a woman or a man, whoever's listening to, do you have a big lot of women listen to the show? I don't think so. Yeah, probably not.

Why would they? Why would they fucking waste their time? Because their husband or boyfriend's listening to it and they're probably going to fucking hate this guy. Yeah, I can't fucking stay in these two of them and doing this shit now. It's usually one. It's usually the one guys in there talking to him. It's a sausage fest, Mike.

But I don't, I don't argue. I mean, I'm not saying it's perfect. But the arguing, the bantering, the bickering about little shit, I don't do it. That's the one thing that I've gotten, being a little older and more experienced. Divorced. Oh, I don't.

I don't bicker. I don't bicker. But if there's some bullshit. Right. All right. I'll own up to it. Maybe not right then, but I can within an hour cool off and be like, you know what, you're right.

Yeah, but the hour. See, you need the hour. But dude, I used to need forever. Because you called me one time, something was gone. I was like, you were like, we were arguing about paying. You were like, I'm going to have my house and I'm going to fuck you with your fucking. And your Cavaliers. And they're going, I was like, what the fuck?

And then you were like going on. I was like, where are you? Like, I'm walking. I was at my house and I was like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? And I was like, I was somebody, another guy who's been married forever, told me, he goes, just go for a walk. So I started doing that. But then what's fucked up is then I walked down the street with like Tourette's

and everybody's looking at me like I'm out of my mind. Talking to yourself. Talking. On the phone. Talking. Are you arguing with yourself? Raised voice. By yourself.

By myself. Fuck. And dude, it's just every other word. It's fucked. Fuck. Oh dude, you want to hear something fucking hilarious? So I'm doing the road this week. And yeah.

We're at. I'm doing a couple nights in Madison, Wisconsin. Then I'm going to Nebraska. During the day, I'm going to the Cornhusker game. Oh shit. Playing the Lion Eye. And then I'm going up to Omaha to do the show. So I go on one of these ticket sites to fucking get my tickets, right?

So I fucking, you know, pay through the nose to get them because I almost. By yourself, you're going to the game? No, no, no. I'm going with the other Nate Craig. Right, right, right, okay. So I get these fucking tickets. You know, I get the tickets. I'm all set, right?

And I'm thinking like it's a couple days before the fuck one of these things coming. So I look on my confirmation thing and says we're going to overnight him. It's like the day after I'm leaving. So I fucking call up the 1-888 number and blah, blah, blah, blah. I can't get anyone on the phone, yada, yada, yada. So I just say fuck this. I'm going to these other guys, right? And I fire off this email to the first people just going like, yeah, this is my situation,

blah, blah, blah, blah. Why can't I talk to a person? Why is it so difficult? Why did your machine hang up on me? And I said, I'm going to fucking, I go, I have a podcast. I'm going to, I'm going to trash you guys, right? And I forgot, I forgot that my email, like just my name shows up, right? So I fucking, I send this thing in this anger, right?

And then I immediately go to this next site. Don't even wait for these people. Because they said, if you have a problem, send us email. Right, don't even, don't even wait for them to try to resolve it. Right. So I immediately go to the next one. Give me that too best you got. And I got a person and she was great.

I could talk on the phone. It was all fine. They gave it to me. I print them out. I'm all fucking set, right? Fucking like three hours later, I get this phone call. It's like the head guy on the website. He's like, yeah, man, sorry you haven't difficult time.

Well, we'll have these things overnighted out to you. I hope there wasn't any inconvenience, no big deal. Big fan of the podcast. And I just, I felt like an idiot. Like, all right, man. Yeah, thanks a lot. So now you got four tickets. I got four tickets.

That's fucking funny. I paid through the nose for all of them. That's fucking funny. And you didn't, you just took it and were like, okay, thank you. And you didn't, you didn't, you just kept it moving. No, because I was wrong. I'm not a dick, dude. I am an idiot.

I'm an idiot. Right. But I'm not a dick. Like I was wrong. And I was just sitting there when they called back. And there was something in my head going like, dude, you should probably wait a couple hours. But I was like in a panic because I hear you.

I thought I was going to the airport today. I'm not going to tomorrow. Because I never look at my itinerary till like the night before. And yeah, so, you know, I'm literally, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to, I'm going to put on a post-it on my dashboard because the car is the big thing,

but I really feel bad for my wife, right? I'm just going to write like, I forget, I had this little fucking thing I was going to write. And I feel, all I know is it just ended with God bless these cunts. It was just going to put me in a silly mood. And like, dude, I almost need to like meditate before I get to the car out here. I hear you.

I hear you. We, me and you, should go to meditation class. I need it too. No, but I don't think you and I can't help each other. Like, I, like, I, I one time, you know, the third party needs to intervene. Yeah. Because a long time ago, I remember I, uh,

I dated this woman and she was an angry psycho into conspiracy theory too. Right. And we were not a yin and a yang. No, you can't have that. No. And it's just like, we just fed off each other. And it was just this downward fucking spiral

of negativity, anger. Hostile. That eventually, at the world that eventually turned inward. I got you. And it was just like, I agree. Yes. Relationships. You, you, you can't, you can't like, oh, we're just the same.

Bad. All you young motherfuckers out there. I'm not, listen, I'm not, I'm a, I'm a one time loser. I got divorced. I have fucking bad, hasty relationship. I'm in a great one now, but all that shit. We're just the same. No.

You want the red flag. You know what the sad thing is? You want to find somebody like, we're just the same. Do not do that. That's the tip. This is a sad thing out there. This is really depressing. Guys like you and me have to be with a sweetheart.

Got him. All right. So what the sad thing is, is so many sweethearts end up with people like us. Like I always wanted to like, you know, if it was a fair world, I would end up with the version of me and then I would fucking, we, I would have to somehow try to better myself. You'd club each other into fucking like into the ground. Yeah.

And we wouldn't reproduce. And then they'd be fucking it. But like sweet, like I'm trying to think of, I ever saw a couple where it was just two sweethearts. Yeah. I see that every once in a while. Two sweethearts will work. Two sweethearts will make it.

A sweetheart and a lunatic will work. Two lunatics, it'll catch up with you. It'll, you'll eat each other from the inside. First 48 is going down. Yeah. Absolutely. It will catch up with you. Why you'll either kill each other or just emotionally just rip yourself out.

Your innards will be, will be ripped out. Hey, before it's, we got a little over an hour here. I usually just do a half hour. But unless I get a great guest like you. So let's wrap it up here talking about the giants. Yes. Now I'm going to talk about your giants here. Go ahead.

Eli had one of his classic, uh, September games. Yes. Where he threw two picks and blah, blah, blah. And then I know every mouth, only the mouth breathing giant fans are already like, dude, we go to fucking get rid of this guy and blah, blah, blah, blah. My theory on Eli, Eli is fucking bored in September and October. He's coasting and he has to wait till it's like, Hey, Eli, we have to win the last six fucking games or else we don't make the playoffs for the click.

And then he goes, Oh, all right. And you think because he wears a blue sport coat and fucking those P. Carroll dockers. No, you're just thinking that this guy doesn't have this in him. And that guy does. He has it in him. He's a motherfucker. He gets the later it gets the better he is.

Yes. And, but I, he is. And this is the thing, dude, like he doesn't have Peyton stats. No, but his fucking record in January into February. I mean, it's just, it's fucking insane. He's got two rings. They're playing Minnesota this weekend. I'm scared of that Minnesota defense.

Yeah, I heard that good. Yo, they had Aaron Rodgers like the, the, the, the, the offensive line was giving him protection. The, the secondary, they locked shit down. Cam Newton, they have guys on that team. They're red blooded American straight goons. They were body slamming Cam Newton, not just sacking him. Some motherfucker picked him up and threw him on the ground.

I was like, what the fuck? Cam Newton. And they didn't throw a flag either. Yo, I think the ref was just like, like scared. Like it was like a violent sack. Like he picked them up and threw Cam Newton to the ground. You have to, you know, strongly have to be to do that. I don't know who it was.

Now I saw him one time in real life, dude, like, Cam, Cam Newton, the most amazing thing about that guy is feet. Dude, his feet are like, he has like a size like, it looked like a 20. Yeah. He's a fucking beast. I just thought if, I was like, if that guy ever walked by and accidentally, if I was wearing Timberlands, I'd probably still break two toes. Yeah.

And if he was walking, he's big, man. He's gigantic. And he's like six, six, I think. Got to be at least six, five, like a real six, five. And like a fucking like, like he's like a bodyguard. Like aside from being that good looking and handsome, you're like, this guy could be like outside of club, like holding the whole shit down. Like a fucking good, like he's goon size.

You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, his head is like, he should be in the VIP and his body is, he should be guarding the door. He's a goon, man. And that fucking guy on the Vikings. I don't know who is. I didn't see that game, but that immediately I was waiting for people to go like, well, how come if it's a white quarterback like Tom Brady,

all of a sudden the flags coming up and then I'm also thinking, has he not been in the league long enough? But I think he's making the league enough fucking money that from what people said about that game, he should have got a couple of Tom Brady. Hey, go easy on the dimple. They got it. They got to take it easy on him.

But this wasn't an illegal hit. It was just like he got him in his arms and literally like slammed him down. Like the guy didn't fall down on him. Like he picked them up and threw him down. Like he didn't like take him to the ground. I was still at the ball. He had the fucking ball. Okay.

Well, then forget it. It was a legal hit. It wasn't like Denver where they were like, you know, going at his head. It was just normally you see a guy like Drew Brees get hit like that, like a smaller guy. This guy to do that to Cam Newton. I was like, so. The funny too is Drew Brees is hot.

He's like six one. Right. Six one, probably what, two 20, right? Two 10, right. But compared to Cam Newton, he's a little shit. But when I'm saying like how tough those guys are that they could take a six one, two and a 10 pound guy who I just give my wallet to, right? They could like throw him through the wall like nothing yet,

just bumping into him, trying to get to the fucking running back. Zero, nothing. Those guys are, but the Vikings defense, they're, they're, they're the most impressive thing that I've seen all season in terms of like, I'm going to watch that game. Who's, who's your pick this year? You got to go with the heart. Say the Giants, but I got to go you.

I'm like, if you say who's going to win the Super Bowl now, I say the Patriots. I'm not saying who I want. Like if I say, who do I think is going to win the Super Bowl? I say the Patriots are going to, right now, based on the injuries and the way everything is now, it's four weeks in, you know, like a long ways off. But if, if you add, like, I think Seattle look good. I hear the Eagles look good. I mean, do quarterback, but they're, you know, he's, he's all right.

It's only three games. He's not just all right. He's superseded. But, you know, you think, I mean, superseded what they haven't had a quarterback since fucking done of him. He superseded the fact that he wasn't even going to fucking suit up the first week. I mean, he had, he did. He, they're three and oh, and he's a big part of it.

It's not like they're doing some trickery like Cleveland where like just making it happen or if like Edelman plays for a quarterback, like he's a fucking quarterback. Like he's, they're three and oh, and like San Francisco and, and, and Philadelphia in the preseason, you're like, they're not going to score points. Like, you know, they traded Stan Bradford and then this guy Carson Wentz. And all of a sudden there's some San Bradford in Minnesota. He is. And the, and then the other quarterback was supposed to start before Carson Wentz.

And then whatever, we're born your fans. Listen, Bill Burr, what do you got to promote? What do I got? Nothing. I got the iron rap, port stereo podcast. I want to officially say at some point when Bill Burr is in traveling selling selling out arenas, we will eat this food, this steak. I will pay my debt.

I'm not avoiding it. So don't fucking tweet me with your shit and your threats and all that bullshit. But I appreciate you having me on. It's always a pleasure. I did, I did go on record saying that if you asked me right now, who would win the Super Bowl? I said, who you said the Patriots. I didn't say I wanted it to happen, but I said taking the Patriots.

I'm taking the Patriots right now based on all everybody stays healthy. What about your fucking guy real quick? Grunkowski? When did he, what's his problem? What do you mean? Like, oh, he's, he all of a sudden he's hurt. He's not playing. What's that bullshit about?

Well, they always disguise. They don't want to say where the guys hurt. They don't want the animals to go after it. Okay. It's all right. Okay. Cause I know you're not into fantasy football, but you know, even, even New England Patriot diehards that are into fantasy that drafted the Gronk in the

first round, they got fucked because they didn't say anything about any injuries. How did they get fucked? Because you should leave. Cause I'm going to lose my league. You know, I can't believe you don't like fantasy. You're so crazy. It's the fucking stupid. I love it.

It's the stupidest shit ever. Love it. All this shit that I was just talking about. Dude, I drafted him. I get him. It's like either become a fucking GM. That's like people. I'm not a GM and I'm an owner.

I own a fantasy football team. It's like playing risk. I love it. When people play risk and they, they start feeling like they're Hitler taken over Europe or some shit. The reason why you're playing a board game. I totally have a different appreciate. Like I could talk about every teams.

What I do like about fantasy football is you guys know the players way more than I do. Than a normal fan. I don't have time. I like, no, half of you guys could do color commentator because you know who like the backup punter is cause he's fucked you on. Absolutely. You guys who play fantasy football and degenerate gamblers. Absolutely.

No, as much as a color commentator. Absolutely. And I play low stakes. It's just for the fun. But the biggest thing, the biggest takeaway from all the, I mean the shit talk I like. I love the shit talk. But the thing that I really take away from it is that I have a whole different appreciation for the entire league.

Not just the Giants or not just the Jets or just the Patriots, the teams that are against the Giants. Well, I will say back when I was a kid and I collected football cards. I knew every stat. I knew what college you went to. I can name an offensive line. Same type of shit. Of everybody.

And what I hated was when I got a little old and I was like, you know, I'm going to go back to doing that because it was a cool way to learn it. Rather than going to websites and trying to figure this shit out as a pain in the ass. You just had the guy. You flipped it over. They had every season. And then they didn't do that anymore. Right.

When I had the cards. And then they try to make certain. You couldn't just buy the set. No, and they're like electronic cards. Yeah, they try to make them artificially rare so they're worth something because, you know, I guess a bunch of guys, my started collecting again for the wrong reasons. I wanted to collect just because I wanted to get to know because my first 10, 12 years of doing stand up, like I just was working so much.

I kind of lost touch with like a generation of players. And I just wanted to go. Me too. Yeah. And I wanted to really go back into collecting cards and stuff just so I could just have them out. Like, you know, I'd rather have them out on the table and just line them up the way they were. That's how when I would watch a game and a guy would make a play and I would just turn over. Like, even like block.

My dad used to be like, Jesus Christ, you know, everybody. But meanwhile, I was flunking everything in. Right. But, you know, Beasley Reese was out to R.C. Thielman. I knew all the guys on Falcons. I knew all of these fucking guys. Joe DeLamure. I knew all of these offensive guards and I just fucking knew everybody.

I knew where they went to school. All this fucking trivia. I knew what the size cleat that Louis Keltcher wore. Right. Rare facts. Yeah. All of that shit was mom's name is mom's name is lovely. You know, like some weird shit on the back of the car.

Yeah. He once returned three fucking scores for a touchdown when he played in high school. And like, and then the commentator would say it. My dad would be like, for Christ's sake, how do you know that? I would be like getting attention from him. I certainly wasn't what I could be getting the wrong kind of attention with the report card. Right. So I do, that's the only thing about fantasy that's what I love about it.

That does appeal to me. Yeah. But sitting there. I don't know. It just seems so fucking time consuming. It's not. It's always as time consuming as you make it. Like, I mean, I'm fucking nuts with it because I'm like obsessed with it because you're crazy

because I'm crazy. But but the re my rejuvenation for the NFL because when I had my kids Sunday would be kids time. So I lost track of a lot of shit for like, you know, you're like either because you're fucking sleeping because it's the weekend or you're like, you got to go to fucking drive them to their games, flag football games or football games or parties or fucking bar mitzvahs. This pool party and sit there and talk to other parents while the fucking giants are winning. How awful is that experience?

Oh, my God, you're going to, you know, if you and you have kids, whoa, my goodness, going to fucking parties and socializing with people. And no, I'm not going to be good at that stuff. It's rough. I'm bad at that. I'm bad at that. Not being a parent. It's it's it's going to.

Well, you're going to have to do it when you have kids, but you have to do it because it's not like LA where you're like, go outside and play. I'm just I'll draft behind you. That day ever comes. I'm telling you, she'll go with the big smile. If you have a boy, you there's no way to avoid it. It you have to do it. And it's it was it was rough for me to do.

Like it's so outside of my thing and like to sit there like when they're four and five at like Spider-Man's at the party and Spider-Man's in a jumpsuit and fucking balls are flopping around and you're talking to the other parents like, so what do you do? Like, you don't know who the fuck I am. And no, well, that's the best and you lie. Yeah. Well, I'm I drive a truck. Yeah.

Well, computers. I say I'm in computers, but then they would ask me a follow up question and I'll just went off the rails. You don't have plan B. I don't. Yeah. Well, what kind of computers are on the computers to laptop laptops? Yeah.

You sell them. You work at Apple store. All right, Bill, I'm out. Let's wrap this up. All right, Mike, we're wrapping it up with Michael Rappaport. Thanks for coming on. Pick in the Patriots fantasy football. You can you can catch him on Andy Cohen's show.

Bill Simmons show a zillion fucking movies and the Michael Rappaport. I am Rappaport stereo podcast stereo stereo. I'm out. All right. All right. Here's the is the advertising here for Thursday. You know, what are you going to do? This is obviously recorded later as you can tell by my tone of my voice.

Rappaport is left. All right. Lift everybody. You know about lift, right? Well, do you? It's the app that gets you a ride in minutes on demand 24 motherfucking seven. For less than the cost of a cab. Please include all the following points.

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Right? He's into triple digits, but you're banging sevens, eights, occasional nine, and every once in a while you get a 10, you know? This guy's hitting singles, spraying them all over the field, but you're going fucking yard every once in a while. Right? You're hitting it into the triangle at Fenway Park getting that triple. You're getting doubles off to the fucking monster.

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Hey, enter promo code Bill Burr. All capital letters, by the way. No space. All right, D-S-T-L-D jeans. That's the longest, most complicated name ever for a pair of fucking jeans. The problem with jeans is that the really good pairs cost between $2 and $300 to hug your fucking ball bag there easily. And the bargain brands just fall apart and look terrible.

Those are the gap ones where you got all those rednecks doing line dancing in them. You know, but they're brats. They haven't let them out of the house yet. They're just making pies and shit. They walk from the stove to the fucking silt. That's it. All right, D-S-T-L-D pronounced distilled. Okay, I didn't know that.

Has revolutionized, revolutionized. Can you tell them like fucking three tequila's in? This is like fucking like nine hours past the podcast. I didn't realize I had to do this shit. Has revolutionized the fashion industry by creating timeless luxury grade denim. I didn't know there was such a thing. So you get jeans that would cost you hundreds of dollars starting at 65 bucks. Oh, I know what you're saying.

It's like diesel jeans except at 65 bucks. Hey everybody, how do they do it? How does that work, Mia? By refusing to work with department stores and retail middlemen. There's no markup, no bullshit, just great jeans at unbelievable prices. Just go to distilled.com, D-S-T-L-D dot com. Find the perfect pair with the perfect fit to hug your fucking balls. Yet support your taint and keep your ass lifted and your spirits high.

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Even C-list celebrities like me. Well, why did you write that shit? What am I fucking Kathy Griffin with a dick? I have a little more self-esteem than that. I got a pair of raw denim. No, I don't and it fits amazing. I've never put them on. Distilled is the only place in the U.S.

You can get the weight of denim for this price. And with the natural indigo look, they're going to fade beautifully in the last few years. In defense of these fucking people. These fucking people who advertise, they always ask the podcaster, can we send you some free shit? And I always say no. I don't want the shit. So they gave me the copy like they gave me the jeans.

And I walked around them and said, ooh, ooh, my balls feel tremendous. I have enough jeans. I'm a sweatpants guy. You know what I mean? I don't want to work. I like my balls dangling in the wind. I like thinking about nothing.

And I like boozing. Anyways, but you don't need to be a celebrity or have a stylist man, or even pay $100 to look amazing. Distilled starts at 65 bucks. Half of how you look is how your pants fit. So get your jeans right. Just go to distilled.com slash burr right now and get $10 off your first pair. So now I guess it's 55 bucks.

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All right, you're unique. Of course, everybody is. Your face doesn't look like anybody else. That doesn't mean you're special, though. I don't want to fucking rain on your parade, but what are you doing with your special face? I've never seen anybody look like you. What are you doing with that face?

Let's get back to the topic. You don't walk like everyone else, talk like everyone else, or sleep like anyone else. So why is your mattress man one size fits all? I don't know, because it's fucking easy, because a truly customized mattress will only cost you five to 10,000 bucks. Until now, now, now, go to helixhelixsleep.com.

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You got a laptop. The result, the most comfortable mattress you've ever slept on. Helix, helix? Customers support a 30... Customers report a 30% improvement in overall sleep quality. I don't understand that.

You're asleep. How the fuck do you know whether it's going good or not? You know, are your dreams better? You know, before I had this mattress, I dreamed I was sleeping with Tina Yothers, and then when I got this mattress, I was fucking Rihanna. Let's get back to the copy.

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Somehow I feel like I skipped like the last three sentences of that. I don't know why I didn't know I still had advertising to do. That's the end of the advertising. Please enjoy the music that follows, and some clips from a wonderful podcast from some fucking podcast, and you're gone by. All right, go fuck yourselves. Phil Belichick is the greatest of all time.

You know it, I know it, even if you live in New York City. All right, God bless you and your futon. Go fuck yourself.